This Past Weekend with Theo Von

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00:00:29.760 Are you ready to be blown away?

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00:01:11.980 Well, thank you.

00:01:14.640 We can do it.

00:01:15.680 You can do it.

00:01:16.980 And we can do it together if we want.

00:01:20.040 I'm doing some shows and that is May 7th.

00:01:24.040 I will be in Los Angeles.

00:01:25.540 We added a show right in Los Angeles here for the Netflix is a joke festival.

00:01:33.200 That's at the Wiltern, Albuquerque, May 18th, Midland, May 19th in Texas, Lubbock, Texas, May 20, Dallas, Texas, May 21.

00:01:45.340 And a show has been added there and selling well.

00:01:48.020 Almost sold out.

00:01:49.140 Thank you guys so much for that support.

00:01:51.640 Savannah, Georgia, June 2nd.

00:01:54.000 Augusta, Georgia, June 3rd.

00:01:55.760 Montgomery, Alabama, June 4th.

00:01:58.060 Columbus, Georgia, June 5th.

00:02:00.460 If you have friends over there in Georgia, you know, people that love Georgia, you tell them about it.

00:02:07.680 Hollywood, Florida, June 23rd.

00:02:09.280 Fort Myers, Florida, June 24th.

00:02:11.220 Daytona Beach and Lakeland, June 25th and 26th.

00:02:16.460 Grab your tickets at TheoVaughn.com slash T-O-U-R.

00:02:20.440 That is the safest and best place to get them.

00:02:23.440 Thank you guys so much in advance for your support.

00:02:26.680 And I look forward to seeing you on the Return of the Rat Tour.

00:02:29.580 Today's guest is a very talented young man.

00:02:32.320 And he's a great comedy man.

00:02:39.020 And he's so happy he's here today.

00:02:41.080 And he has his own podcast called Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.

00:02:46.540 He has his special Live in Austin, which has over 4 million views on YouTube.

00:02:52.240 Happy to have him return to this past weekend.

00:02:56.200 My friend, Mr. Shane Gillis.

00:02:58.680 And let myself unwind

00:03:02.460 Shine that light on me

00:03:06.380 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:03:12.340 Shine on me

00:03:17.060 And I will find a song

00:03:21.300 I'll be singing just for me

00:03:24.680 Shane Gillis

00:03:30.620 Shane Gillis, man, your life

00:03:31.280 You're getting busy, man.

00:03:33.600 I am busy.

00:03:34.960 Yeah.

00:03:35.800 I mean, you're getting busy, man.

00:03:37.860 Do you

00:03:38.220 Do things start feeling a little bit different?

00:03:40.860 Because I feel like

00:03:41.720 You're kind of becoming like the guy.

00:03:45.260 Oh, thanks, man.

00:03:46.160 Like the handsome Tim Dillon.

00:03:47.600 I am.

00:03:48.420 I was going to say

00:03:49.420 Yeah.

00:03:50.020 The second part had to be

00:03:51.480 The handsome

00:03:52.460 I was like, wait, what?

00:03:53.240 Like a Tom Selleck meets Tim.

00:03:57.100 Yeah.

00:03:58.460 Yeah, a little more.

00:03:59.680 Yeah.

00:04:00.480 I don't know.

00:04:01.180 I don't

00:04:01.360 How did you feel when it happened for you?

00:04:03.420 When it was

00:04:03.840 When the come up?

00:04:04.760 Because it makes me uncomfortable.

00:04:06.860 Yeah, that's an interesting question, man.

00:04:08.620 I don't think you know that it's really happening to

00:04:12.720 Like it's happening

00:04:13.680 But it's

00:04:15.280 I think the funny thing is

00:04:16.460 More of it's happening for other people in some ways.

00:04:19.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:19.980 Because they're all watching it.

00:04:21.560 Yes.

00:04:22.580 But

00:04:22.940 The way you

00:04:24.900 The way that I noticed it started to seem for me

00:04:27.580 Was like

00:04:28.000 People would kind of stop me

00:04:29.940 And I was like

00:04:30.420 Oh, this is interesting.

00:04:31.740 Yeah.

00:04:33.280 I don't know if I'm going to be able to not be

00:04:36.040 Seen in some types

00:04:38.140 Sometimes now

00:04:39.200 Sure.

00:04:39.420 Like in some ways maybe

00:04:40.340 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:41.060 And then

00:04:41.900 And then people started coming to the shows

00:04:44.760 And that was the part

00:04:45.940 That's it, that's it.

00:04:46.500 Yeah.

00:04:46.820 Yeah.

00:04:47.080 Like occasionally

00:04:48.800 Like occasionally I'll get a pop on an intro

00:04:50.640 And I'll be like

00:04:51.060 Oh shit

00:04:51.520 Like this is new

00:04:52.560 Yeah.

00:04:53.060 This is crazy

00:04:53.560 Yeah, oh yes

00:04:54.960 Oh that

00:04:55.700 You know what

00:04:56.460 That's actually exact

00:04:58.140 First time

00:04:58.720 Yeah, first time I got one

00:04:59.620 I did a guest spot

00:05:00.440 It was right after I did Rogan the first time

00:05:02.060 I did a guest spot on Tim Dillon's show

00:05:04.400 Yeah

00:05:04.800 And it was like a surprise guest

00:05:06.240 And I got a pop

00:05:06.840 And I was like

00:05:07.300 Oh, what the fuck

00:05:08.800 Your people are excited

00:05:10.140 This is crazy

00:05:10.220 This is crazy

00:05:10.400 Yes

00:05:10.780 Oh, this is good

00:05:11.600 Because the next night

00:05:12.440 I went back to Philly

00:05:14.060 And I did a spot on DiStefano's show

00:05:16.320 In Philly

00:05:17.080 Which is where I'm from

00:05:17.740 And I was like

00:05:18.140 I'm going to get another pop

00:05:19.900 Yeah

00:05:20.160 This would be great

00:05:20.820 Dude

00:05:21.060 We got a guest spot for you

00:05:23.340 Shane Gillis

00:05:24.180 I walked out

00:05:25.280 And it was like

00:05:25.800 I was like

00:05:27.480 Damn, I thought I had something going

00:05:28.780 And it was just you clapping

00:05:30.480 Yeah, I was just like

00:05:31.620 Woo

00:05:32.100 This guy's great

00:05:33.740 Yeah, dude

00:05:34.540 That's when it is

00:05:35.380 I think that's when it is

00:05:36.300 You know what?

00:05:36.920 That's really the perfect thing

00:05:38.200 It's like

00:05:38.540 Yeah, it's like

00:05:38.980 When you're going on stage

00:05:40.060 And you're like

00:05:40.600 Oh my gosh

00:05:41.400 There's people

00:05:42.000 Like they'll say something

00:05:43.680 You've said before

00:05:44.620 They'll yell out a term

00:05:46.320 Dude, we were doing

00:05:47.740 A storytelling show last night

00:05:49.780 And

00:05:50.160 Well, two weeks ago

00:05:51.160 And I

00:05:51.620 Okay

00:05:52.360 Oh, because

00:05:52.920 Oh, you were doing

00:05:53.560 Was that

00:05:53.920 Last night

00:05:54.320 It was last night

00:05:54.900 That was at

00:05:55.680 At the Nashville Comedy Festival

00:05:57.260 Yes

00:05:57.500 At the Wild

00:05:57.860 What is it?

00:05:58.600 Wild West Comedy Festival?

00:05:59.420 No, I think it was just

00:06:00.060 At Nashville Comedy Festival

00:06:00.900 At Nashville

00:06:01.360 Yeah, at Nashville Comedy Festival

00:06:02.600 It was at the Ryman

00:06:03.440 And it was a storytelling show

00:06:05.040 It was Ari's show

00:06:05.760 And like

00:06:06.700 Two seconds into my set

00:06:08.300 Because I was like

00:06:08.940 Opening with some material

00:06:10.100 I said two words

00:06:11.520 I was like

00:06:11.800 I like history

00:06:12.400 And this guy was like

00:06:13.220 Do a story

00:06:14.480 I was like

00:06:15.440 Dude, you knew two words

00:06:17.040 Of my material?

00:06:18.380 That's new?

00:06:19.560 You psycho?

00:06:20.520 Then he came up after

00:06:21.560 He looked like hell

00:06:22.340 He was like

00:06:22.780 That was me that yelled at

00:06:24.120 I was like

00:06:24.400 You ruined it

00:06:25.200 Yeah

00:06:25.520 Don't give me a high five

00:06:26.820 Yeah, why do these people

00:06:27.940 There's always that guy

00:06:29.240 He's like

00:06:29.460 Hey, I was the guy

00:06:30.460 That ruined it

00:06:30.880 I was the one who fucking yelled

00:06:31.980 And ruined your shit

00:06:33.100 Remember me?

00:06:33.940 That was fun

00:06:34.020 There's always that urchin

00:06:35.200 He's like

00:06:35.820 Hey

00:06:36.260 He like slides up

00:06:37.520 It's almost like

00:06:38.560 It's always some real

00:06:41.020 I wish you could see this dude

00:06:42.100 He looked like

00:06:43.240 A minor

00:06:44.440 He looked like a 49er

00:06:45.740 Oh yeah

00:06:46.300 Like beard

00:06:47.100 Like hey

00:06:47.740 I came up to

00:06:48.360 Bro, we're fully decked out

00:06:49.780 In Titans gear

00:06:50.480 Everything Titans

00:06:51.420 Yeah

00:06:52.000 It was crazy dude

00:06:53.240 It was crazy

00:06:53.880 Yeah

00:06:54.140 Titans condom on

00:06:55.180 Good bros though

00:06:55.680 For real good bros

00:06:56.640 Definitely a Titans condom

00:06:57.300 Oh, I bet he had a

00:06:58.020 Tanny Hill condom on

00:06:59.160 Dude, I bet

00:07:00.640 I bet

00:07:01.680 Yeah

00:07:02.000 You know Rob Baronis

00:07:04.900 Hit a tree not far from here

00:07:06.060 He used to be a field goal kicker

00:07:07.120 Yeah

00:07:07.400 And he hit the upright

00:07:08.420 Rob my Baronis

00:07:09.380 Yeah

00:07:10.000 And he hit a tree

00:07:10.720 How's he doing?

00:07:13.000 He's gone

00:07:13.560 He's in heaven

00:07:14.160 He died from hitting a tree?

00:07:16.180 He got heavened out

00:07:16.980 Yeah

00:07:17.280 That'll do it

00:07:18.480 He hit that

00:07:18.860 Wide right, bro

00:07:20.640 He hit the upright

00:07:21.600 Damn

00:07:22.100 Yeah, it's kind of a

00:07:23.280 That's terrible

00:07:23.840 It's like a lure

00:07:25.060 Around the Nashville area

00:07:26.320 It's a lure

00:07:26.740 It's where Rob Baronis

00:07:27.860 Hit a tree

00:07:28.300 Yeah, and they even have

00:07:29.200 His initials on the tree too

00:07:30.300 Really?

00:07:31.140 Still

00:07:31.380 What was I gonna say?

00:07:33.840 Oh yeah, dude

00:07:34.480 So it's

00:07:34.940 Yeah, you're just

00:07:37.000 This is kind of it

00:07:39.120 You know, where you get busy

00:07:41.300 And then you can sell tickets

00:07:42.240 And I think that's the amazing thing

00:07:43.960 Is that people want to come see you

00:07:46.200 It's like

00:07:46.800 Cause you

00:07:48.080 It's almost weird with comedy

00:07:49.920 You get going in it

00:07:51.160 And you're just doing it

00:07:52.400 And it becomes just about the comedy

00:07:54.240 And then you realize

00:07:56.120 Wow, people want to come see me

00:07:58.040 Yeah

00:07:58.320 Like there's something about me that they

00:08:00.140 Sometimes it's not the comedy

00:08:01.760 I think

00:08:02.020 Especially with podcasters

00:08:03.340 And

00:08:04.160 And especially with your story

00:08:06.140 Kind of like being the like

00:08:07.440 You know, there's a whole

00:08:10.140 Fuck SNL type of energy

00:08:11.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah

00:08:12.000 They're in the world anyway

00:08:13.040 Yeah

00:08:13.420 And I think that

00:08:14.360 You add that with your

00:08:16.060 You know, just being insanely funny

00:08:18.740 And then it's like

00:08:19.400 Oh, I want to go see this guy

00:08:20.720 And then people with podcasts

00:08:22.280 They like the person

00:08:23.360 They want to see the person

00:08:24.360 Yeah

00:08:24.780 Yeah

00:08:25.060 Yeah, it's crazy

00:08:26.720 Yeah

00:08:27.580 It happened pretty quick

00:08:29.020 Yeah

00:08:29.680 So like

00:08:30.260 Cause there's no tickets

00:08:31.140 Forever

00:08:31.820 And then all of a sudden

00:08:32.900 People want to show up

00:08:33.780 And like

00:08:34.060 They yell your dad's name out

00:08:36.680 You're like

00:08:36.960 Alright, take it easy

00:08:37.740 Ronnie's son

00:08:38.500 Chill, chill, chill

00:08:39.640 That's Ronnie's son

00:08:40.940 I'm trying to do stand up

00:08:42.100 Yeah

00:08:42.540 This isn't the podcast

00:08:43.940 Yeah

00:08:44.360 It's fun though

00:08:44.940 Do you think sometimes

00:08:46.860 People don't know

00:08:47.740 When they come

00:08:48.420 If it's gonna be like the podcast

00:08:50.140 Or if it's different

00:08:51.480 I find that sometimes

00:08:53.040 I find that some people are like

00:08:54.400 Oh, I thought

00:08:54.940 Sometimes after the show

00:08:56.360 Somebody's like

00:08:56.760 Man, I thought it was gonna be

00:08:57.680 Like the podcast, you know

00:08:59.160 And I almost feel bad

00:09:00.480 I'm like, dang, you know

00:09:01.360 Yeah, sorry

00:09:01.840 Yeah, I wish I could make it

00:09:03.360 It's not as good

00:09:03.960 It's stand up

00:09:04.880 Podcasts are funny

00:09:06.320 Stand up is me doing something

00:09:08.740 Yeah

00:09:09.180 Like doing my little art

00:09:10.200 Yeah

00:09:10.820 But man, yeah

00:09:12.340 Congrats on everything, dude

00:09:13.540 Thank you

00:09:13.700 It's awesome

00:09:14.400 It's funny

00:09:15.120 Because I even look at you

00:09:16.020 And I even get like

00:09:16.980 Just gel

00:09:17.600 I'm like, oh

00:09:18.140 Because the funnest thing

00:09:19.780 Is when people are getting to like

00:09:22.520 Getting to know you, you know

00:09:24.580 Yeah

00:09:24.820 And I mean, obviously

00:09:25.900 I still have a ton of people

00:09:26.700 Getting to know me

00:09:27.240 I'm not saying like

00:09:27.860 I've made it or nothing

00:09:28.860 But

00:09:29.160 You could say that, yeah

00:09:31.020 Like you stay busy enough, you know

00:09:32.640 But the funnest part is

00:09:33.780 Yeah, when people are like

00:09:34.820 Oh, Shane Gillis

00:09:35.800 You're the Shane Gillis

00:09:36.780 I wonder if that's

00:09:37.780 Because that's how I feel about

00:09:39.120 Like my buddy

00:09:40.020 Some of my friends are still doing

00:09:41.060 Like open mics

00:09:41.720 And hanging out in Philly

00:09:42.560 And I'm like, Dan

00:09:43.120 That was the best

00:09:44.140 Oh, yeah

00:09:44.800 And like now

00:09:45.260 I wonder if you're just

00:09:46.020 Having the same thing

00:09:46.760 Where you're like

00:09:47.060 No, the best was when it started

00:09:48.540 Oh, yeah

00:09:49.640 Because if this is the best

00:09:50.500 I'm going to be sad

00:09:51.300 Yeah

00:09:51.800 Because if this only gets worse from here

00:09:54.560 I'm already pretty bummed out

00:09:56.060 Yeah, yeah

00:09:57.040 That's true

00:09:57.540 I'm not doing great

00:09:58.740 That could be something

00:10:01.540 That could be something

00:10:02.800 So, dude

00:10:03.580 So, because you grew up in Pennsylvania, man

00:10:06.040 You grew up out

00:10:06.700 And were you like in Amish country?

00:10:08.280 Did you ever have any interaction with the Amish?

00:10:09.780 Yeah, there's a lot of Amish around

00:10:10.840 Wow

00:10:11.260 Yeah

00:10:11.600 Lancaster

00:10:12.500 That's

00:10:12.920 I was like 30, 40 minutes west

00:10:14.900 Of Amish country

00:10:16.340 But they're around, dude

00:10:17.640 Did you ever get approached by him?

00:10:19.320 Because I could see you being

00:10:20.720 Like, I definitely

00:10:22.140 If I'm Amish

00:10:22.940 And I'm a

00:10:23.340 You know, I don't want to say a milk drinker

00:10:25.120 Yeah, yeah

00:10:25.580 But if I'm somebody that's close to that udder

00:10:27.820 They knew I was getting milk

00:10:28.860 Yeah, yeah

00:10:29.580 They saw me

00:10:30.180 That guy's chugging milk, obviously

00:10:32.040 Like, that guy's 8% right there

00:10:35.260 Yeah

00:10:35.480 They, no, but you'll see him

00:10:37.080 We used to yell at him when we were kids

00:10:38.500 What would y'all say like us?

00:10:39.660 He was like, nice fucking horse, dumbass

00:10:41.320 Oh, hot

00:10:42.100 Get a car, you fucking idiot

00:10:45.720 No

00:10:46.160 He'd drive past him

00:10:47.580 It was fun

00:10:49.020 Now I look back on it

00:10:49.940 And I'm like, that's very inappropriate

00:10:50.940 The crazy part is people that yell out like, queers

00:10:54.020 And you're like, they're not gay

00:10:55.780 These aren't gay people

00:10:58.560 Still, that's

00:10:59.300 I mean, they're gay for woodwork

00:11:00.420 That's homophobic

00:11:01.200 And I don't stand for it

00:11:02.380 Yeah

00:11:02.640 That's funny

00:11:03.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah

00:11:03.920 Driving by an Amish dude in a buggy

00:11:05.440 Be like, you fucking homo

00:11:07.000 He's gotta be like, what the fuck

00:11:09.320 Oh, dude, a couple black dudes

00:11:11.060 Called me the n-word a couple months ago, dude

00:11:13.080 And it was like

00:11:14.100 That kind of brightens your day a little

00:11:15.740 I felt

00:11:16.900 You know

00:11:18.240 I was like, you promised

00:11:19.640 You know

00:11:20.260 I didn't know what to say

00:11:21.340 That's so cool

00:11:22.280 Thank you guys

00:11:22.860 I'll like, say it again, man

00:11:24.280 It's cool when you guys do

00:11:25.500 Yeah

00:11:25.700 We like it

00:11:26.840 I remember when I was young

00:11:28.600 Somebody was throwing rocks

00:11:29.740 Me and my buddy were fishing

00:11:30.840 It was a black friend of mine

00:11:31.980 Who's, I think, in jail for murder now, man

00:11:33.840 My friend Devin

00:11:34.480 But he

00:11:35.460 He

00:11:37.640 We're fishing in some white

00:11:40.440 Some racist white dude

00:11:41.860 Or somebody racist

00:11:43.100 Who looked white from where we were

00:11:44.380 Was up on these train tracks

00:11:45.300 Starts throwing rocks at us

00:11:46.600 Really?

00:11:47.140 And yelling the n-word, right?

00:11:49.040 And so I jump out

00:11:50.120 And I'm like, not me, dude

00:11:51.980 You know what I'm saying?

00:11:52.900 Like, at least fucking

00:11:54.140 Yeah, don't get me

00:11:55.640 You're getting the wrong guy

00:11:57.120 You're gonna hit me with a rock

00:11:58.340 But that shit was wild, man

00:12:00.220 Dude, the Amish every once in a while

00:12:01.320 Will get smoked by, like, trucks

00:12:03.400 Uh-uh

00:12:04.280 Dude, they're driving horse and buggies

00:12:06.440 The truck driver will go wide right

00:12:09.480 And just splatter them

00:12:11.100 Robber runners

00:12:11.700 Horses and shit

00:12:12.520 It's bad

00:12:13.940 Really?

00:12:14.640 And they hit them

00:12:15.120 And I guess

00:12:15.980 Oh, oh

00:12:17.080 Would you rather get hit from the back

00:12:19.660 With a truck or from the front?

00:12:22.780 Like, definitely from behind

00:12:24.320 Pause

00:12:26.700 Definitely from behind

00:12:28.340 I don't want to see that thing coming, dude

00:12:29.700 You don't think so

00:12:30.740 I don't want to have one second

00:12:32.200 To be like, oh

00:12:32.880 Here it comes

00:12:34.460 I just want to

00:12:35.180 Just fade to black

00:12:36.720 Just

00:12:37.000 That'd be nice

00:12:38.680 Ugh

00:12:40.800 What sound would you make?

00:12:42.080 I don't know how I think about that

00:12:42.880 What sound

00:12:43.340 Wait, am I in a car

00:12:44.720 Or I'm just getting

00:12:45.500 No, you're just walking

00:12:46.300 You're out there walking

00:12:47.260 Something's not going good

00:12:48.300 Yeah

00:12:48.660 Right

00:12:49.560 Yeah, yeah

00:12:50.100 Something's gone wrong

00:12:51.020 Yeah, something is wrong

00:12:52.620 You're walking out there

00:12:53.460 And I'm walking

00:12:54.000 And yeah, I definitely want it to be

00:12:55.620 From behind

00:12:56.220 Yeah

00:12:57.000 I don't want it, dude

00:12:58.020 Because if you see it coming

00:12:58.780 Your last, you know

00:12:59.480 You're going to be trying to

00:13:00.460 Get out of the way

00:13:01.620 For the last second

00:13:02.540 That's going to be your last thing you do

00:13:04.260 And the saddest part

00:13:05.420 If one of your friends saw you

00:13:06.440 Because you'd probably put your hands up

00:13:07.780 And I'm like

00:13:08.000 Yeah, he put his hands up

00:13:09.360 To try to stop it

00:13:10.420 Like, you see that idiot

00:13:12.220 A firetruck hit him

00:13:13.680 He put his hands up

00:13:15.260 Yeah, you would do it

00:13:16.400 Of course you would

00:13:17.580 Yeah, that would be tough, man

00:13:20.240 It'd be tough to figure that out

00:13:21.520 So was there a lot

00:13:22.620 Was there Amish people

00:13:23.600 Like in your

00:13:24.360 Like, was it a

00:13:25.360 Was there

00:13:25.980 Like, would y'all go to any Amish markets?

00:13:28.100 I'm just trying to wonder

00:13:28.860 Yeah, there's Amish markets and shit

00:13:30.140 In Lancaster

00:13:30.720 I didn't really go to those

00:13:31.740 But they have

00:13:32.400 We have like Mennonite kids

00:13:34.460 In our school

00:13:35.100 Wow

00:13:35.800 Yeah

00:13:36.060 Chick that would wear like a bonnet

00:13:38.160 Yeah

00:13:38.580 They were like

00:13:39.260 Because there's levels to Amish

00:13:41.800 And there's Mennonites

00:13:43.660 That I don't think

00:13:44.480 Follow like the no electricity and shit

00:13:46.200 But they'll like drive

00:13:47.200 The only color their car can be is black

00:13:49.060 They can drive it like twice a week

00:13:50.940 Or some crazy shit

00:13:51.780 Oh, really?

00:13:52.560 Yeah

00:13:52.760 Oh, dang

00:13:53.380 They're not all like strict

00:13:54.720 No electricity

00:13:55.520 No this

00:13:56.240 Yeah

00:13:56.720 Oh, dang

00:13:57.940 So they got some like

00:13:58.660 Batman, Mennonite kind of folks?

00:14:00.020 Yeah, there's a lot of those guys

00:14:01.020 Damn

00:14:02.040 I didn't realize that

00:14:04.180 They're flying, dude

00:14:06.080 They're out there

00:14:06.620 Yeah, we tried

00:14:07.940 I know we tried for a while

00:14:09.460 To get a real Amish

00:14:10.560 Or a

00:14:10.920 Somebody semi-Amish on here

00:14:13.260 And we couldn't do it

00:14:14.100 I was at a football game

00:14:16.420 In Indiana

00:14:17.140 There's a lot of them in Indiana

00:14:18.060 And Ohio, too

00:14:18.820 And they

00:14:19.640 These dudes were just on

00:14:21.340 Rumspringer

00:14:22.760 Fucking tailgating with us

00:14:24.240 Wow

00:14:24.820 And they were getting wrecked, dude

00:14:26.260 Damn

00:14:26.860 And they were jacked

00:14:27.880 From all the fucking work

00:14:29.240 Oh, yeah

00:14:29.880 Just getting ham

00:14:30.580 Just idiots

00:14:31.260 They were dumped

00:14:32.600 Oh, they could build a birdhouse

00:14:33.820 With their tongue

00:14:34.300 They could build everything

00:14:34.940 The Amish still build a dam

00:14:36.440 They were like

00:14:37.740 And they speak with a crazy accent

00:14:39.800 Really?

00:14:40.580 I can't even do it

00:14:41.260 I don't know

00:14:41.560 They call us the English

00:14:42.660 Oh, wow

00:14:44.080 Yeah

00:14:44.360 I didn't know that

00:14:45.660 So they don't look at

00:14:46.500 So do they look at themselves

00:14:47.980 As even like

00:14:49.020 I mean, I guess they look at themselves

00:14:51.220 As human, yeah

00:14:52.180 For sure

00:14:52.700 And they look at themselves

00:14:53.360 As religious

00:14:54.040 But they don't look at themselves

00:14:55.180 As like

00:14:55.820 English or anything

00:14:57.400 No, they think

00:14:57.940 We're the English

00:14:58.720 Wow

00:14:59.220 And they're the

00:14:59.760 I don't know what the fuck they are

00:15:01.580 Germans

00:15:02.080 Damn

00:15:03.080 Yeah, they're wrong

00:15:03.900 Yeah

00:15:04.400 They're just wrong

00:15:05.520 Across the board, dude

00:15:06.800 And were some of the women

00:15:08.260 Did y'all see some of them

00:15:09.220 Amish

00:15:10.060 Nice babe

00:15:10.660 It's rare

00:15:11.320 But if you see a hot Amish chick

00:15:13.340 It's like

00:15:13.760 Damn

00:15:14.220 I could almost

00:15:15.540 That's my queen

00:15:16.320 Yeah

00:15:16.980 She's in a beautiful flowery dress

00:15:18.980 Yeah

00:15:19.820 No one's touched her

00:15:20.760 Oh

00:15:21.320 What a sweet angel

00:15:22.460 Stinks like hell

00:15:24.120 You think they smell good or bad?

00:15:25.920 No, they smell bad

00:15:26.620 Oh

00:15:27.160 Yeah

00:15:27.500 They do smell bad

00:15:28.640 I hope that

00:15:29.540 Well, yeah

00:15:30.200 They're not gonna care

00:15:30.800 Oh

00:15:31.520 Yeah

00:15:31.980 They don't smell great

00:15:33.760 Yeah, there's something kind of

00:15:35.180 I feel like there's some sense of romance about it

00:15:37.860 Yeah, for sure

00:15:39.320 Because you

00:15:39.740 I think you always romanticize

00:15:41.260 Like a woman with a pail of water

00:15:43.080 And you know

00:15:44.180 And you can help her

00:15:45.500 Hey, I'll be

00:15:46.020 You know

00:15:46.400 Yeah

00:15:46.780 Let me help you

00:15:47.420 I'll build us a boat

00:15:48.260 Or something

00:15:48.660 You know

00:15:49.000 Like I feel like

00:15:49.900 And you can almost

00:15:51.080 You could use anything

00:15:52.260 To get some excitement

00:15:53.200 You could be like

00:15:53.740 Hey, let's

00:15:54.420 You know

00:15:54.940 Have you ever done this?

00:15:55.920 And you just do like

00:15:56.560 The Dougie form or something

00:15:57.760 You know

00:15:58.100 You just do like

00:15:59.020 Something like

00:15:59.400 Have you ever done the soldier boy?

00:16:00.520 You just do something like that

00:16:01.620 Yeah, you do something crazy

00:16:02.660 That they've never seen

00:16:03.580 Yeah, yeah, yeah

00:16:04.300 They've never even seen

00:16:05.180 Yeah, yeah

00:16:05.620 You're incredible

00:16:08.220 This is gonna be a hit

00:16:09.200 This is a hit

00:16:09.920 Yeah, this is a hit

00:16:10.880 It could be anything

00:16:11.440 This is a fucking hit

00:16:12.100 Yeah

00:16:12.420 Like even if

00:16:13.220 The soldier boy hit that

00:16:14.340 Even if you just do this

00:16:15.380 Dude, smash hit

00:16:16.640 And they're like

00:16:17.200 Oh my God

00:16:17.660 I've never even thought of doing that

00:16:19.100 Yeah, yeah, yeah

00:16:19.800 I just think

00:16:21.900 Some of the ways

00:16:22.540 You could hit on Amish women

00:16:23.780 Yeah

00:16:24.080 Would be insane, dude

00:16:25.420 For sure

00:16:25.720 Or if you did this thing

00:16:27.040 You know

00:16:27.380 Like, uh-oh

00:16:28.340 You know

00:16:28.820 They might burn you

00:16:29.580 Yeah, yeah

00:16:30.180 They might burn you

00:16:31.160 You might get lit up

00:16:32.300 You do it

00:16:32.740 Soldier boy

00:16:33.240 They might burn you

00:16:34.200 They might be like

00:16:35.300 Dude, that's witchcraft

00:16:36.160 Yeah, that's true

00:16:36.640 We're not having that here

00:16:37.460 Imagine how peaceful

00:16:39.400 You think it's peaceful

00:16:40.480 Being Amish on the inside of them

00:16:41.940 Or you think it's

00:16:42.700 I don't know

00:16:43.240 That's the thing

00:16:43.800 Like you were saying

00:16:44.360 It might be great

00:16:45.320 Yeah

00:16:45.900 Just fucking working

00:16:46.800 Doing real work

00:16:48.100 Like farm work

00:16:49.140 Building shit

00:16:49.700 And then you go to sleep

00:16:50.620 Oh, yeah

00:16:52.120 I don't know

00:16:52.700 And you don't

00:16:53.280 No one around you

00:16:54.060 Is fucking doing good

00:16:55.540 Yeah

00:16:56.180 So that helps

00:16:56.860 You're not on Instagram

00:16:58.500 No

00:16:59.200 You're not

00:16:59.640 So you're not

00:17:00.000 But I wonder

00:17:01.140 If there's an intense fear

00:17:02.280 Of missing out

00:17:02.700 Because you're seeing

00:17:03.440 You see one car go by

00:17:05.420 And something

00:17:05.880 You know

00:17:06.240 There's a little

00:17:07.160 You know

00:17:08.080 There's a woman

00:17:08.620 With a bathing suit

00:17:09.920 You gotta lose your mind

00:17:11.700 Yeah

00:17:13.180 You're just sitting

00:17:14.640 Behind a horse

00:17:15.460 Going fucking

00:17:17.000 Four miles an hour

00:17:18.200 Down that fucking highway

00:17:19.540 Convertible flies by

00:17:21.380 And something

00:17:21.960 You just smell

00:17:22.640 Just blast

00:17:23.100 You hear one second

00:17:24.060 Of cool music

00:17:24.820 Yes

00:17:25.840 You're like

00:17:26.020 What the fuck was that

00:17:27.120 Yeah

00:17:27.700 What the fuck dude

00:17:29.140 And dad's like

00:17:30.760 Get your eyes

00:17:31.320 Back in your head

00:17:32.120 Samuel

00:17:33.240 You're like

00:17:34.560 Jesus Christ

00:17:35.560 Why are we doing this

00:17:37.060 This sucks

00:17:38.200 It must feel like

00:17:39.680 You're on the most

00:17:40.260 Insane Halloween ever

00:17:41.920 I feel like

00:17:42.520 It's

00:17:42.960 I mean yeah

00:17:43.640 If you ever get

00:17:44.140 And they do rumspring it

00:17:45.420 And that's as long

00:17:46.100 As you want

00:17:46.580 It's not like one year

00:17:47.900 Some of them stay out

00:17:48.840 For like 10 years

00:17:50.260 Have a regular life

00:17:51.380 And then they're like

00:17:51.880 Back to Amish

00:17:53.200 Guys I gotta

00:17:54.380 Let y'all know

00:17:55.460 I'm going back

00:17:56.360 Yeah

00:17:56.640 Which is probably

00:17:57.660 Fucking sick

00:17:58.340 You just burn out

00:17:59.700 In real life

00:18:00.400 You just go so hard

00:18:01.880 You go as hard as you can

00:18:02.920 Get addicted to shit

00:18:04.040 Yeah

00:18:04.560 Then you're like

00:18:05.200 Dude I'm going back

00:18:05.880 Back to the farm

00:18:06.780 I bet when you roll

00:18:08.020 Back in there though

00:18:08.780 I bet people are coming up

00:18:09.720 And smelling your breath

00:18:10.860 Fucking wanting to touch you

00:18:12.160 Like what was it

00:18:13.360 What was it like

00:18:14.140 Yeah

00:18:14.540 I've been doing coke

00:18:15.800 Edward was at rumspring

00:18:17.080 I've been doing cocaine

00:18:18.620 Yeah

00:18:19.100 It's crazy

00:18:19.940 You know how much

00:18:21.020 We get done around here

00:18:21.920 Yeah

00:18:24.160 Oh that's fascinating man

00:18:25.560 See I wish

00:18:26.100 We didn't have nothing

00:18:27.240 Like that growing up dude

00:18:28.580 We grew up actually

00:18:29.620 They had like an adult store

00:18:31.400 Near us sometimes

00:18:32.360 And sometimes

00:18:32.900 They would throw like

00:18:33.720 Boxes and stuff

00:18:34.500 That was like defunct

00:18:35.460 In the woods

00:18:36.100 And so we'd be back there

00:18:37.900 People would come back

00:18:38.800 With all kind of sex toys

00:18:39.960 And shit with pine needles

00:18:41.380 And stuff on them

00:18:42.200 But we didn't

00:18:43.260 We didn't have anything like

00:18:44.840 And we had black people

00:18:46.280 White people

00:18:47.120 But we didn't get any

00:18:49.520 Almost mythological creatures

00:18:52.060 When you go

00:18:53.020 You know what I'm saying

00:18:53.640 It's a real

00:18:54.260 Pull up an Amish brother

00:18:56.220 Can you pull up a

00:18:58.540 Land Dutch

00:18:59.900 I think they call them as well

00:19:01.080 They are yeah

00:19:04.820 It is just a different

00:19:06.480 They're just doing

00:19:07.480 A different time period

00:19:08.340 For no reason

00:19:09.380 Which is

00:19:10.520 It's just unbelievable

00:19:11.460 They're just like

00:19:11.940 It's 1820

00:19:12.900 It's like why

00:19:13.700 Right

00:19:14.840 Yeah

00:19:15.620 Oh it's beautiful

00:19:16.620 Now see the horse

00:19:18.200 Lancaster is beautiful though

00:19:19.180 That like area

00:19:20.720 Where they're at

00:19:21.280 Oh yeah

00:19:21.880 It's awesome

00:19:22.600 Well and also

00:19:23.780 I wonder what happens

00:19:24.720 If they see the horses

00:19:25.700 Having sex

00:19:26.400 Does that set

00:19:27.220 You know

00:19:27.640 Is that an awkward time

00:19:30.340 For everybody

00:19:30.940 I wonder

00:19:31.400 I bet they don't give

00:19:32.220 I don't think

00:19:32.700 I think they're like

00:19:33.540 Great more horses

00:19:34.660 Oh yeah

00:19:36.060 I think they're

00:19:36.600 They're not thinking of it

00:19:37.620 Like us like porn

00:19:38.240 They're not like

00:19:38.680 Dude he's fucking the shit

00:19:39.880 Out of that horse

00:19:40.620 That's awesome

00:19:42.060 I wish I could do that

00:19:44.420 Yeah

00:19:45.080 It's not like

00:19:45.680 Mardi Gras

00:19:46.200 In New Orleans

00:19:46.780 You see

00:19:47.520 There's a video

00:19:48.120 Of Mardi Gras

00:19:48.540 In New Orleans

00:19:48.740 Like there's a cop

00:19:49.720 On a horseback

00:19:50.400 And another cop

00:19:51.100 And one horse

00:19:52.800 And the cops

00:19:53.660 Are still on him

00:19:55.000 Yeah

00:19:55.420 Oh no

00:19:56.940 Which I think

00:19:57.480 Is the gayest thing

00:19:58.960 It's almost bestiality too

00:20:00.720 If you're riding

00:20:01.580 Shotgun on a horse fuck

00:20:02.960 Who are you

00:20:05.320 You notice

00:20:06.940 God still know you

00:20:07.920 That's the part

00:20:08.480 That really gets me

00:20:09.420 What was that time period

00:20:11.460 We actually had a question

00:20:12.280 That came in about a time period

00:20:13.440 Was this it

00:20:14.020 That's beautiful

00:20:16.220 Yeah let's go with it

00:20:17.120 Shane

00:20:17.900 Theo

00:20:18.360 What's up

00:20:19.020 This is Jesse Boone

00:20:20.100 Coming to you from

00:20:20.680 Atmore Alabama

00:20:21.660 Love both y'all

00:20:23.780 Love both y'all's content

00:20:24.840 Love both y'all's specials

00:20:26.740 Both podcasts

00:20:27.820 Keep it up fellas

00:20:29.100 I love it

00:20:29.680 Shane

00:20:30.780 I'm a history nerd

00:20:32.080 Get the sense that you're

00:20:33.120 A bit of a history nerd

00:20:33.960 Got a question for you

00:20:35.260 Two questions really

00:20:36.220 One

00:20:37.340 What's your favorite

00:20:39.000 Period of history

00:20:41.740 To read about

00:20:43.100 Or listen to a podcast about

00:20:45.440 Two

00:20:46.460 When and why haven't you

00:20:49.400 Started a

00:20:51.140 Rip off of

00:20:52.840 The old history of hyenas

00:20:54.460 A la Chrissy

00:20:55.840 Chaos

00:20:56.780 And Yanni Poppy

00:20:58.440 Love you guys

00:21:00.500 Gang gang

00:21:01.520 Gang baby

00:21:02.740 Thank you brother

00:21:03.440 For the question

00:21:04.020 Mr. Boone there

00:21:04.960 Yeah

00:21:06.000 I mean World War II

00:21:07.020 Is the easy one

00:21:08.140 Is it

00:21:08.480 But that's the cool one

00:21:09.300 Everybody likes that one

00:21:10.160 And is that the one

00:21:11.240 Who were they killing in that

00:21:12.280 Was that Jews or not

00:21:13.280 It was

00:21:14.400 Yeah

00:21:14.920 Yeah I got

00:21:16.360 They killed everybody though

00:21:17.460 Oh they did

00:21:18.040 But they got

00:21:18.960 They got it pretty bad

00:21:19.880 Yeah

00:21:20.520 You know what I mean

00:21:21.080 They got jade out

00:21:22.500 Yeah

00:21:22.800 Yeah that was a rough one

00:21:24.080 For them

00:21:24.460 They don't like that stuff

00:21:26.160 World War II

00:21:27.040 They don't like it

00:21:27.240 Yeah

00:21:27.520 Oh trust me

00:21:28.300 Every book at the airport

00:21:29.040 Is about it

00:21:29.580 Yeah

00:21:29.840 I get it

00:21:30.540 Yeah

00:21:32.460 And yeah

00:21:33.040 I feel that

00:21:34.440 I like the Civil War though

00:21:37.240 The American Civil War

00:21:38.660 I love it

00:21:39.220 Yeah bro

00:21:40.220 You ever go to the

00:21:41.040 Nashville battlefield here

00:21:42.120 Dude we used to do

00:21:43.000 When I was growing up

00:21:43.580 We used to do CWRs all the time man

00:21:45.340 Really

00:21:45.580 Yeah

00:21:45.880 Oh we'd be at them man

00:21:46.920 We got to be the

00:21:47.600 We got to do the drum a few times

00:21:50.380 What else

00:21:50.980 I got to be like a

00:21:52.720 Soldier's son

00:21:53.900 I used to go CWRs constantly

00:21:55.340 Do you really

00:21:55.740 Yeah

00:21:56.180 Oh cause of Lancaster and stuff

00:21:57.460 I was in Gettysburg

00:21:58.140 I grew up right next to Gettysburg

00:21:59.680 Oh man

00:22:00.020 Dude the reenactments were fucking crazy

00:22:02.300 Fuck and we should have fucking won

00:22:03.620 I love up now

00:22:04.520 You guys

00:22:05.020 You guys stunk dude

00:22:07.240 We didn't

00:22:08.620 We fucked you guys up

00:22:09.880 When we took the gloves off

00:22:11.100 The North just rained down on them dude

00:22:13.380 Well you know where we fucked up is

00:22:15.620 We kept a lot of the brothers out of the fight

00:22:17.340 Yeah

00:22:17.960 Obviously

00:22:19.400 Obviously

00:22:21.100 If we'd have had a plan to get

00:22:23.060 I think it

00:22:23.600 You know get a little bit more

00:22:25.200 Gets a bit more urban

00:22:27.180 Yeah we kept it way too

00:22:28.640 I think honkied out

00:22:29.680 Yes

00:22:30.040 Yeah

00:22:30.780 Towards the end

00:22:31.480 The union was like

00:22:32.660 Get the brothers in also

00:22:34.740 Yeah

00:22:35.260 Shit started

00:22:36.020 Got bad

00:22:37.120 But you guys had a lot of

00:22:38.840 I don't know why you guys won

00:22:42.360 I guess we

00:22:42.960 We probably had some disorganization

00:22:44.620 I bet

00:22:44.900 And I think

00:22:45.220 No you guys

00:22:45.780 The south was much better

00:22:47.880 The generals were better

00:22:49.440 Yeah

00:22:49.880 It was organized

00:22:50.680 But like Lee and fucking Stonewall Jackson

00:22:53.380 And Longstreet

00:22:54.040 Those guys were beasts

00:22:54.940 Yeah

00:22:55.240 That's why they were even in the fight

00:22:57.160 Was cause of how good they were

00:22:58.620 Oh wow

00:22:59.460 Cause the union outnumbered them

00:23:01.140 More industry

00:23:02.600 More guns

00:23:03.480 But they just didn't have that

00:23:04.480 They didn't have that

00:23:05.520 They had pussies

00:23:06.380 That ditch smarts

00:23:07.100 They had pussies at general

00:23:08.140 Yeah

00:23:08.600 Allegedly

00:23:09.120 I don't want to besmirch these guys

00:23:10.660 But I could say probably

00:23:11.420 Maybe they had some real nerds up there

00:23:13.060 Yeah they did

00:23:13.200 I could see that

00:23:13.760 They had nerds

00:23:14.380 They were all

00:23:15.060 Well they were all West Point guys

00:23:16.320 But they were all

00:23:16.980 Like there was a guy named McClellan

00:23:19.460 Who just wouldn't

00:23:20.480 Oh yeah George

00:23:21.220 Yeah he just wouldn't attack

00:23:22.400 Yeah

00:23:23.120 And they were like

00:23:23.740 You gotta go

00:23:24.220 Lincoln was like

00:23:24.860 Go dude

00:23:25.640 People in the woods

00:23:26.460 Are yelling boo

00:23:27.320 Oh that's crazy man

00:23:32.000 Sherman and Grant dude

00:23:32.980 Sherman came down

00:23:34.120 And gave you guys what for

00:23:35.460 He got fucking lucky

00:23:36.600 Pull up a picture of Sherman

00:23:37.660 Mr. Sherman

00:23:38.420 Civil War

00:23:38.980 He was the man

00:23:39.660 Let's get a look at him

00:23:42.100 I have his picture

00:23:43.860 Hanging in my house

00:23:44.800 Do you really

00:23:45.460 Got Sherman and Grant

00:23:46.300 And Custer

00:23:47.400 Oh George Custer

00:23:49.640 Yeah

00:23:50.020 And he was the one

00:23:50.860 Dating Indians as well

00:23:51.880 I think

00:23:52.260 That's the one

00:23:53.120 With his arms crossed

00:23:53.980 Crazy hair

00:23:54.660 A lot of DIY man

00:23:56.580 A lot of dating Indians yourself

00:23:57.920 You know

00:23:58.280 They had a lot of those dudes

00:23:59.280 That's out there

00:23:59.940 A lot of them

00:24:01.040 You know

00:24:01.760 Dipping in the corn meal

00:24:03.060 I think you are

00:24:03.940 Brother

00:24:04.260 Bro what would you be doing

00:24:05.440 I mean

00:24:06.820 Just get done committing

00:24:07.740 A human

00:24:08.300 Just get done committing

00:24:09.420 An atrocity

00:24:10.060 You're not gonna want

00:24:11.620 To have some sex

00:24:12.240 Yeah

00:24:14.360 At this point

00:24:15.980 You've done

00:24:16.440 You're done

00:24:17.180 Right you're done

00:24:17.780 You've sold your soul

00:24:18.580 You are evil

00:24:19.440 That's a good point

00:24:20.760 Let's go

00:24:20.980 Once you go evil

00:24:22.120 Then you're

00:24:22.760 Fuck it

00:24:23.300 Then you're in evil

00:24:24.260 Yeah it's like

00:24:24.660 Normally I wouldn't

00:24:25.220 Just grab this lady

00:24:26.200 Yeah

00:24:26.600 But

00:24:27.000 I did just kill a family

00:24:28.900 Yeah you're right

00:24:29.860 Damn

00:24:30.440 It's time to go

00:24:31.120 That's crazy

00:24:31.860 Once you go full evil

00:24:32.860 You're full evil

00:24:33.720 I didn't really

00:24:34.520 I never really thought about that

00:24:36.000 You know

00:24:36.840 We had a guy that lived

00:24:37.520 Across the street from us

00:24:38.220 Named Brad

00:24:38.760 And I think he killed his mother

00:24:39.980 Who was our

00:24:42.220 Favorite lunch lady

00:24:43.940 Annie

00:24:44.380 Dude and we loved her dude

00:24:46.880 Yeah

00:24:47.120 And she like

00:24:47.740 One of her hands shook

00:24:49.080 Or both of them shook

00:24:49.960 And she would like

00:24:51.200 Get the food

00:24:51.800 And it was just

00:24:52.400 Your whole town got murdered

00:24:54.120 Oh bro

00:24:54.680 It was such a risky

00:24:55.900 Waiting for the food

00:24:57.820 To get to your plate

00:24:58.820 It was like

00:24:59.760 One of those guys

00:25:00.360 That used to drive

00:25:00.860 The dynamite trucks

00:25:01.820 Back in the day

00:25:02.480 You know

00:25:02.740 On the rocky roads

00:25:04.180 It was just unbelievable

00:25:05.740 Really

00:25:06.120 And then the grandson

00:25:07.380 He got sick of it

00:25:09.440 Well he

00:25:10.360 I think they thought

00:25:12.160 That if they killed her

00:25:13.100 She was gonna get

00:25:13.740 They were gonna get

00:25:14.340 The apartment

00:25:14.840 And they didn't get it

00:25:17.320 No

00:25:17.620 The landlord kept it

00:25:18.860 Somebody else

00:25:20.180 Yeah the landlord

00:25:20.740 Was like

00:25:21.260 That's not how this works dude

00:25:22.880 Yeah dude

00:25:24.100 Just bad

00:25:25.060 Fucking

00:25:25.400 Since in fucking

00:25:25.980 Medieval times

00:25:27.000 Yeah

00:25:27.240 It was just a lot of

00:25:28.260 Kill them

00:25:28.680 And be the heir

00:25:29.660 To this apartment

00:25:30.440 Yeah just bad

00:25:31.280 Organization man

00:25:32.280 But yeah dude

00:25:33.320 I can't believe that

00:25:34.160 The civil war

00:25:34.860 Would have been insane

00:25:35.480 Dude I have had

00:25:36.760 These dreams

00:25:37.180 Where I go like

00:25:37.840 Undercover boss

00:25:38.960 Into like

00:25:39.680 I don't wanna say

00:25:41.100 Slavery

00:25:41.620 But like

00:25:42.060 I'm like

00:25:42.800 An undercover boss

00:25:43.700 Like in a

00:25:44.380 Like amongst

00:25:45.440 Like a slave

00:25:46.200 You know

00:25:46.560 Slave group

00:25:47.200 Or something

00:25:47.560 I don't know

00:25:47.900 What they

00:25:48.200 Like I don't know

00:25:50.220 What the correct term is

00:25:51.700 You know

00:25:52.680 But um

00:25:53.840 I always have these dreams

00:25:55.760 Where I go undercover

00:25:56.540 That show

00:25:57.280 Undercover boss

00:25:58.180 Or something

00:25:58.500 Yeah

00:25:58.840 You know

00:25:59.380 Oh okay

00:26:00.500 Yes I get it

00:26:01.520 Sorry

00:26:01.760 Took me a while

00:26:02.520 I was just worried

00:26:03.140 About where this was going

00:26:04.000 Yeah so you're saying

00:26:05.160 You would wanna be

00:26:05.980 A plantation owner

00:26:07.480 That's like

00:26:08.420 Undercover bosses

00:26:09.600 No I'm not saying

00:26:10.960 Anything like that

00:26:11.680 Okay

00:26:12.160 What I'm saying

00:26:12.880 Is this

00:26:13.280 Is that what you said

00:26:13.840 It'd be undercover boss

00:26:16.040 No I'm saying

00:26:17.420 I have had dreams

00:26:18.740 Where I go

00:26:19.380 Undercover boss

00:26:20.420 In like a

00:26:21.560 And I'm like a

00:26:22.140 Form in it

00:26:22.780 Like a

00:26:23.380 Like a

00:26:26.180 Like a

00:26:27.180 I don't know

00:26:28.560 What you call it

00:26:28.900 Like a

00:26:29.280 Like a

00:26:29.820 During slave times

00:26:30.780 Yes

00:26:32.540 Yes

00:26:33.200 And what are you saying

00:26:33.880 So that would be

00:26:35.180 A plantation

00:26:36.240 Yes

00:26:37.180 Okay

00:26:37.840 Yeah

00:26:38.400 So you would wanna be

00:26:39.320 The boss of the plantation

00:26:40.580 No I don't wanna be

00:26:41.940 But then how could you

00:26:42.880 Be the undercover boss

00:26:43.840 Because I'm having dreams

00:26:45.400 Where you do

00:26:45.940 Undercover bossing

00:26:46.880 Where they like

00:26:47.300 Send the boss

00:26:47.860 To work at the plantation

00:26:48.960 I get it

00:26:49.680 Right okay

00:26:50.280 So you wanna be

00:26:51.080 The undercover boss

00:26:52.040 Or are you just

00:26:52.500 Dreaming it up

00:26:53.060 For someone else

00:26:53.760 No no it's not a dream

00:26:55.160 It's not like

00:26:56.160 In my

00:26:56.720 You know like

00:26:58.300 You wrote it down

00:26:59.160 Yeah

00:26:59.720 You woke up like

00:27:01.720 That was a great idea

00:27:02.800 Dude I'm gonna get

00:27:03.500 This done

00:27:04.080 It's not on a vision board

00:27:05.980 Yeah

00:27:06.360 It is just

00:27:07.240 I have

00:27:07.680 Apparations in my head

00:27:09.100 While I'm resting

00:27:09.680 Yeah

00:27:10.260 You know I'm talking

00:27:10.960 About nighttime dreams

00:27:11.780 Yes

00:27:12.080 So you want

00:27:12.860 The owner of slaves

00:27:15.600 To

00:27:16.380 And how would he be

00:27:17.520 Undercover

00:27:17.920 What would he have to do

00:27:18.840 No you're

00:27:20.120 Suddenly undercover

00:27:21.000 I just keep

00:27:21.720 In the dream

00:27:22.420 I'm undercover

00:27:22.960 And I'm like

00:27:23.380 Oh what do you guys

00:27:24.080 Wanna do today

00:27:24.740 You know but I'm seeing

00:27:25.580 If anybody wants to

00:27:26.540 Sneak out or escape

00:27:27.600 So it's like

00:27:28.400 You're doing it like

00:27:29.160 For bad reasons

00:27:30.420 Yeah I'm like

00:27:30.960 Secret shopper

00:27:32.220 You know what I'm talking about

00:27:33.340 Secret shopper

00:27:34.700 Where people come in

00:27:35.380 And they order the food

00:27:36.140 But they're not really

00:27:36.880 There to eat

00:27:37.340 They're sneaking around

00:27:38.960 For somebody

00:27:39.520 Sure

00:27:39.900 Yeah

00:27:40.340 But

00:27:41.600 Anyway

00:27:42.660 I thought you were going

00:27:43.200 Down there to check

00:27:44.000 On morale

00:27:44.520 And be like

00:27:45.300 How's everybody doing

00:27:46.120 Oh yeah

00:27:46.420 You were going down

00:27:47.380 To be like

00:27:47.840 Any of you motherfuckers

00:27:48.800 Trying to leave

00:27:49.360 Let's

00:27:50.640 This is bad

00:27:53.400 Let's just order that

00:27:55.120 Nazi pizza

00:27:55.880 That we ordered

00:27:56.340 Last time

00:27:56.920 You were here

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00:30:55.480 Babbel

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00:30:58.280 Here's a

00:30:59.160 Young man

00:30:59.700 And this

00:31:00.060 Guy

00:31:00.280 Seems like

00:31:00.720 He has

00:31:00.940 A lot

00:31:01.180 Of

00:31:01.300 Problems

00:31:01.860 Let's

00:31:02.220 Get a

00:31:02.460 Question

00:31:02.720 From

00:31:02.960 Him

00:31:03.300 Hey

00:31:04.680 What's

00:31:04.840 Up

00:31:05.000 Shane

00:31:05.300 It's

00:31:05.520 Austin

00:31:06.000 Calling

00:31:06.540 From

00:31:06.840 Denver

00:31:07.340 Just

00:31:08.300 Want

00:31:08.520 To

00:31:08.620 Know

00:31:08.900 Who's

00:31:09.920 The

00:31:10.060 Bigger

00:31:10.320 Patriot

00:31:10.960 You

00:31:11.580 Or

00:31:12.060 Theo

00:31:12.400 Let

00:31:13.580 Me

00:31:13.640 Know

00:31:13.840 Gang

00:31:15.320 Bay

00:31:15.440 Well I

00:31:15.700 Think

00:31:15.820 With

00:31:16.000 Historical

00:31:16.440 Accuracy

00:31:17.100 It's

00:31:17.320 Obviously

00:31:17.620 You

00:31:17.900 I

00:31:18.040 Mean

00:31:18.140 You

00:31:18.260 Know

00:31:18.380 More

00:31:18.660 Even

00:31:18.860 About

00:31:19.080 Civil

00:31:19.320 War

00:31:19.520 Reenactments

00:31:20.140 And

00:31:20.260 Stuff

00:31:20.460 Like

00:31:20.620 That

00:31:20.840 You

00:31:21.140 I

00:31:22.080 I

00:31:22.140 I

00:31:22.840 Don't

00:31:24.280 Know

00:31:24.440 I

00:31:25.660 Don't

00:31:26.180 Know

00:31:26.320 Enough

00:31:26.540 About

00:31:26.740 Your

00:31:26.900 Patriotism

00:31:27.560 I

00:31:28.980 Believe

00:31:29.500 That

00:31:30.460 I

00:31:31.320 Like

00:31:31.600 Tradition

00:31:32.220 You

00:31:33.980 Know

00:31:34.120 That's

00:31:34.400 Where

00:31:34.560 I'm

00:31:35.000 At

00:31:35.200 You

00:31:35.380 Know

00:31:35.580 So

00:31:35.920 I

00:31:36.060 Really

00:31:36.380 Like

00:31:36.660 Tradition

00:31:37.160 I

00:31:37.320 Like

00:31:37.520 I

00:31:37.700 Think

00:31:37.840 Tradition

00:31:38.260 Is

00:31:38.420 Important

00:31:38.780 To

00:31:39.020 Keep

00:31:39.360 A

00:31:40.160 Country

00:31:40.900 A

00:31:41.500 Country

00:31:41.920 Yeah

00:31:42.620 So

00:31:43.280 I

00:31:43.500 Think

00:31:43.740 A

00:31:43.980 Lot

00:31:44.180 Of

00:31:44.280 Our

00:31:44.400 Tradition

00:31:44.740 Gets

00:31:44.960 Killed

00:31:45.280 Off

00:31:45.520 These

00:31:45.760 Days

00:31:46.080 By

00:31:46.480 By

00:31:48.600 People

00:31:49.060 That

00:31:49.520 Are

00:31:49.720 Fucking

00:31:50.020 Lames

00:31:50.540 Yes

00:31:51.440 So

00:31:52.700 I

00:31:52.880 Think

00:31:53.100 Yeah

00:31:53.260 I

00:31:53.380 That

00:31:53.500 Sounded

00:31:53.820 Honestly

00:31:54.180 That

00:31:54.380 Sounded

00:31:54.600 More

00:31:54.760 Patriotic

00:31:55.280 Than

00:31:55.420 Anything

00:31:55.680 I

00:31:55.840 Would

00:31:55.940 Ever

00:31:56.100 Say

00:31:56.380 So

00:31:56.660 Really

00:31:56.940 Yeah

00:31:57.540 Like

00:31:58.460 I

00:31:58.660 Would

00:31:58.840 Even

00:31:59.040 Do

00:31:59.340 I

00:31:59.540 Remember

00:31:59.960 Sometimes

00:32:00.440 I

00:32:00.740 Would

00:32:00.880 Do

00:32:01.020 The

00:32:01.280 Pledge

00:32:02.180 Of

00:32:02.300 Allegiance

00:32:02.600 Like

00:32:02.880 This

00:32:03.300 Oh

00:32:03.980 Shit

00:32:04.460 That's

00:32:06.300 Crazy

00:32:06.820 I

00:32:07.120 Had

00:32:07.200 A

00:32:07.300 Kid

00:32:07.460 I

00:32:07.600 Remember

00:32:07.880 In high

00:32:08.420 School

00:32:08.560 My

00:32:08.760 Buddy

00:32:08.960 Would

00:32:09.120 Sit

00:32:09.360 Down

00:32:09.620 During

00:32:09.780 The

00:32:09.880 National

00:32:10.160 Anthem

00:32:10.420 A

00:32:10.540 Guy

00:32:10.720 I

00:32:10.840 Knew

00:32:11.020 White

00:32:11.900 Chubby

00:32:12.360 White

00:32:12.580 Kid

00:32:12.800 Every

00:32:13.640 Day

00:32:13.840 I

00:32:37.880 People

00:32:38.180 Associated

00:32:38.960 With

00:32:39.100 One

00:32:39.300 Another

00:32:39.580 It's

00:32:39.820 Like

00:32:39.980 You

00:32:40.340 Can

00:32:40.520 Relate

00:32:40.880 To

00:32:41.040 Other

00:32:41.620 Generations

00:32:44.380 Because

00:32:44.740 You

00:32:45.100 Have

00:32:45.400 Similar

00:32:45.840 Things

00:32:46.520 That

00:32:46.660 You've

00:32:46.900 All

00:32:47.200 Done

00:32:47.600 You

00:32:47.960 Know

00:32:48.140 Yeah

00:32:48.360 But

00:32:49.000 I

00:32:50.120 Don't

00:32:50.280 Know

00:32:50.540 I

00:32:50.760 Mean

00:32:50.900 To

00:32:51.040 Me

00:32:51.160 That

00:32:51.320 Kind

00:32:51.480 Of

00:32:51.560 Such

00:32:51.700 Really

00:32:51.900 Pretty

00:32:52.160 Important

00:32:52.640 But

00:32:53.080 I

00:32:53.180 Don't

00:32:53.280 Know

00:32:53.400 Who

00:32:53.520 Could

00:32:53.640 Be

00:32:53.740 A

00:32:53.860 Real

00:32:54.000 Patriot

00:32:54.520 But

00:32:54.840 My

00:32:55.140 Favorite

00:32:55.540 Movie

00:32:55.820 Is

00:32:56.000 The

00:32:56.140 Patriot

00:32:56.620 Next

00:32:56.880 To

00:32:57.140 A

00:32:58.780 League

00:32:59.040 Of

00:32:59.140 Their

00:32:59.280 Own

00:33:00.420 So

00:33:00.620 Yeah

00:33:01.180 I

00:33:02.060 Love

00:33:02.260 That

00:33:02.400 I

00:33:02.580 See

00:33:02.820 Two

00:33:03.100 People

00:33:03.440 I

00:33:03.620 Was

00:33:03.760 This

00:33:04.040 Is

00:33:04.160 Crazy

00:33:04.400 I

00:33:04.580 Had

00:33:04.700 Two

00:33:04.860 Flights

00:33:05.220 I

00:33:05.380 Had

00:33:05.420 A

00:33:05.500 Connecting

00:33:05.900 Flight

00:33:06.160 On

00:33:06.740 The

00:33:06.860 First

00:33:07.080 Flight

00:33:07.260 I

00:33:07.380 Fell

00:33:07.560 Asleep

00:33:07.840 The

00:33:08.040 Guy

00:33:08.160 In front

00:33:08.400 Of

00:33:08.460 Me

00:33:08.540 Was

00:33:08.680 Watching

00:33:09.000 A

00:33:09.140 League

00:33:09.260 Of

00:33:09.360 Their

00:33:09.460 Own

00:33:09.640 The

00:33:10.340 Second

00:33:10.600 Flight

00:33:10.880 I

00:33:11.060 Came

00:33:11.840 Up

00:33:12.020 From

00:33:12.160 Another

00:33:12.440 Nap

00:33:12.740 And

00:33:13.060 A

00:33:13.160 Dude

00:33:13.300 Was

00:33:13.440 The

00:33:13.760 League

00:33:13.880 Of

00:33:13.960 Their

00:33:14.060 Own

00:33:14.260 And

00:33:14.660 I

00:33:14.740 Was

00:33:14.840 Like

00:33:15.040 Is

00:33:16.540 This

00:33:16.640 The

00:33:16.760 The

00:33:16.780 Did

00:33:18.420 I

00:33:18.560 Dream

00:33:19.040 Who

00:33:21.080 Was

00:33:21.220 Watching

00:33:21.520 That

00:33:21.760 Yeah

00:33:22.440 It

00:33:22.560 It

00:33:22.600 Is

00:33:22.620 A

00:33:22.700 Great

00:33:22.900 Film

00:33:23.200 Yeah

00:33:23.440 Me

00:33:23.680 Or

00:33:24.320 People

00:33:24.820 That

00:33:25.000 Also

00:33:25.560 Maybe

00:33:25.820 Listen

00:33:26.080 To

00:33:26.200 This

00:33:26.360 Show

00:33:26.520 But

00:33:26.780 I

00:33:27.080 Remember

00:33:27.300 My

00:33:27.480 Sisters

00:33:27.820 Rented

00:33:28.260 That

00:33:28.540 Yeah

00:33:29.140 And

00:33:29.320 When

00:33:29.400 I

00:33:29.460 Was

00:33:29.580 A

00:33:29.660 Little

00:33:29.780 Kid

00:33:30.060 And

00:33:30.260 It

00:33:30.380 Came

00:33:30.580 In

00:33:30.680 The

00:33:30.800 White

00:33:31.060 Case

00:33:31.440 Remember

00:33:31.660 Fuck

00:33:31.940 This

00:33:32.180 Movie

00:33:32.440 I

00:33:32.580 Don't

00:33:32.680 Want to

00:33:32.880 Watch

00:33:33.140 This

00:33:33.360 Movie

00:33:33.660 It's

00:33:33.880 Fucking

00:33:34.140 Girls

00:33:34.620 It's

00:33:34.940 Stupid

00:33:35.300 Yeah

00:33:35.760 And

00:33:36.020 I

00:33:36.140 Watched

00:33:36.440 It

00:33:36.580 I

00:33:36.660 Was

00:33:36.760 Fucking

00:33:37.180 Nice

00:33:37.740 Dude

00:33:38.000 League

00:33:38.400 Of

00:33:38.480 Their

00:33:38.580 Own

00:33:38.740 Rules

00:33:51.220 Woman

00:33:51.380 Left

00:33:51.620 Can

00:33:51.980 You

00:33:52.100 See

00:33:52.260 Is

00:33:52.420 There

00:33:52.520 Anybody

00:33:52.780 Still

00:33:53.140 Alive

00:33:53.680 From

00:33:54.000 Rockford

00:33:55.380 Peaches

00:33:55.800 Championship

00:33:56.880 Rockford

00:33:57.660 Peaches

00:33:58.120 Championship

00:33:59.200 Yeah

00:33:59.960 I

00:34:00.060 Just

00:34:00.180 Want to

00:34:00.360 See

00:34:00.460 If

00:34:00.520 Anybody

00:34:00.720 Still

00:34:01.020 Living

00:34:01.300 From

00:34:01.540 It

00:34:01.640 Because

00:34:01.760 They

00:34:01.880 Had

00:34:01.980 One

00:34:02.180 Lady

00:34:02.400 And

00:34:02.500 They

00:34:02.600 Can

00:34:02.680 Wheeling

00:34:03.120 Her

00:34:03.280 Out

00:34:03.440 At

00:34:03.540 Events

00:34:03.900 And

00:34:04.060 It

00:34:04.140 Was

00:34:04.280 Getting

00:34:04.480 Dicey

00:34:05.060 It

00:34:05.100 Got

00:34:05.960 Rough

00:34:06.260 Some

00:34:07.040 Of

00:34:07.400 The

00:34:07.440 Last

00:34:07.680 Pictures

00:34:07.920 She

00:34:08.120 Had

00:34:08.460 Like

00:34:08.620 A

00:34:08.740 Bake

00:34:09.180 Sale

00:34:09.520 And

00:34:10.080 I

00:34:10.400 Don't

00:34:10.540 Even

00:34:10.640 Know

00:34:10.760 If

00:34:10.920 She

00:34:11.040 She's

00:34:11.160 Alive

00:34:11.900 Dude

00:34:21.220 What You

00:34:21.440 Got

00:34:21.620 There

00:34:21.820 Bubby

00:34:22.160 Margaret

00:34:24.160 Wigg

00:34:24.700 Wiggles

00:34:26.200 A

00:34:27.520 Peach

00:34:27.920 January

00:34:29.260 2019

00:34:29.800 The

00:34:30.080 Last

00:34:30.360 Living

00:34:30.660 Local

00:34:30.980 Rockford

00:34:31.460 Peaches

00:34:31.920 Oh

00:34:32.560 Or

00:34:32.880 Helen

00:34:33.420 Waddle

00:34:34.340 Who's

00:34:36.040 Had

00:34:36.180 Some

00:34:36.360 Health

00:34:36.600 Scares

00:34:37.060 But

00:34:38.780 At

00:34:38.880 Her

00:34:39.000 90th

00:34:39.400 Birthday

00:34:39.720 And

00:34:40.020 Angi

00:34:40.560 Argamotto

00:34:41.480 Wow

00:34:42.000 Dang

00:34:44.760 That's

00:34:45.620 Crazy

00:34:45.980 One

00:34:46.220 Your

00:34:46.380 Name

00:34:46.560 One

00:34:46.820 Letter

00:34:47.140 Short

00:34:47.380 Of

00:34:47.500 Anger

00:34:48.120 It's

00:34:48.340 A-N-G-E

00:34:48.920 They

00:34:49.100 Spell

00:34:49.340 It

00:34:49.560 How

00:34:51.420 Did

00:34:51.540 You

00:34:51.640 Know

00:34:51.720 You

00:34:51.820 Were

00:34:51.940 Funny

00:34:52.240 When

00:34:52.420 You

00:34:52.500 Were

00:34:52.620 Young

00:34:52.960 Did

00:34:53.140 You

00:34:53.240 Know

00:34:53.460 You

00:34:53.620 Were

00:34:53.760 Funny

00:34:54.060 What

00:34:54.240 Was

00:34:54.400 Going

00:34:54.580 On

00:34:54.880 With

00:34:55.120 You

00:34:55.300 Yeah

00:34:56.200 I

00:34:56.520 I

00:34:56.800 I

00:34:57.280 Knew

00:34:57.460 I

00:34:57.560 Was

00:34:57.640 Funny

00:34:57.860 I

00:34:58.420 Was

00:34:58.460 Kind of

00:34:58.640 A

00:34:58.740 Dickhead

00:34:59.100 Growing

00:34:59.740 Up

00:34:59.960 Yeah

00:35:00.400 School

00:35:00.700 And

00:35:00.860 Shit

00:35:01.020 Yeah

00:35:01.260 I

00:35:01.580 Always

00:35:01.700 Had

00:35:01.820 Fun

00:35:02.200 Making

00:35:03.200 Fun

00:35:03.420 Of

00:35:03.520 People

00:35:03.780 Oh

00:35:04.060 Yeah

00:35:04.380 Talking

00:35:04.780 Shit

00:35:05.080 When

00:35:05.260 You're

00:35:05.380 Young

00:35:05.580 That's

00:35:05.760 The

00:35:05.880 Best

00:35:06.160 Way

00:35:06.460 I

00:35:06.860 Loved

00:35:07.100 Yeah

00:35:07.480 Yelling

00:35:08.040 Yeah

00:35:08.940 Class

00:35:09.560 School

00:35:09.920 What's

00:35:10.240 What's

00:35:19.560 He

00:35:19.780 Used

00:35:19.940 To

00:35:20.080 Really

00:35:20.640 Do

00:35:20.880 It

00:35:21.000 And

00:35:21.260 He

00:35:21.360 Would

00:35:21.480 Come

00:35:21.640 Up

00:35:21.780 To

00:35:21.860 You

00:35:21.940 And

00:35:22.040 Be

00:35:22.120 Like

00:35:22.280 It

00:35:22.840 Was

00:35:22.900 A

00:35:23.000 Funny

00:35:23.160 Joke

00:35:23.420 He

00:35:23.560 Would

00:35:23.920 Walk

00:35:24.460 Up

00:35:24.640 To

00:35:24.740 You

00:35:24.860 And

00:35:24.980 Go

00:35:25.100 Who

00:35:25.280 Do

00:35:25.360 You

00:35:25.380 Want

00:35:25.520 Me

00:35:25.600 To

00:35:25.700 To

00:35:25.720 To

00:35:26.020 To

00:35:26.300 To

00:35:26.720 And

00:35:27.540 You

00:35:27.640 Go

00:35:27.820 You

00:35:28.080 Pick

00:35:28.400 Someone

00:35:28.660 And

00:35:28.900 He

00:35:29.040 Would

00:35:29.200 Walk

00:35:29.460 Up

00:35:29.640 To

00:35:29.760 To

00:35:29.780 Fart

00:35:31.060 On

00:35:31.260 The

00:35:31.400 Desk

00:35:31.760 How

00:35:33.120 Fun

00:35:33.340 Is

00:35:33.520 That

00:35:33.720 Dude

00:35:34.320 He

00:35:34.460 Used

00:35:34.640 To

00:35:34.780 Shit

00:35:35.040 Differently

00:35:35.680 In

00:35:36.460 High

00:35:36.620 School

00:35:36.800 He

00:35:36.980 Would

00:35:37.120 Come

00:35:38.320 Up

00:35:38.560 A

00:35:38.800 Different

00:35:39.060 Way

00:35:39.280 To

00:35:39.400 Take

00:35:39.580 A

00:35:39.700 Shit

00:35:39.900 And

00:35:40.440 Me

00:35:40.560 And

00:35:40.660 All

00:35:40.800 My

00:35:40.980 Friends

00:35:41.240 Would

00:35:41.360 Come

00:35:41.520 In

00:35:41.600 And

00:35:41.700 Watch

00:35:41.940 Him

00:35:42.100 Like

00:35:42.700 Sometimes

00:35:43.000 He

00:35:43.100 Would

00:35:43.180 Hold

00:35:43.380 Himself

00:35:43.660 Up

00:35:43.940 From

00:35:44.040 The

00:35:44.140 Top

00:35:44.360 Of

00:35:44.460 The

00:35:44.560 Stalls

00:35:44.900 And

00:35:45.900 Drop

00:35:46.360 It

00:35:46.500 In

00:35:46.660 Oh

00:35:46.940 Yeah

00:35:47.200 Plank

00:35:47.780 At

00:35:47.920 The

00:35:48.020 Top

00:35:48.360 With

00:35:48.580 His

00:35:48.740 Ass

00:35:48.960 Down

00:35:49.300 We

00:35:51.700 Got

00:35:51.900 In

00:35:51.960 Trouble

00:35:52.180 A

00:35:52.340 Teacher

00:35:52.560 Came

00:35:52.860 In

00:35:52.960 What

00:35:53.340 The

00:35:53.460 Fuck

00:35:53.880 Is

00:35:54.060 Going

00:35:54.280 On

00:35:54.520 He

00:35:55.140 Was

00:35:55.320 Holding

00:35:55.520 Himself

00:35:55.860 Up

00:35:56.100 His

00:35:56.520 Face

00:35:56.780 Was

00:35:56.900 Dark

00:35:57.240 Red

00:35:57.480 Because

00:35:57.660 It

00:36:08.320 The

00:36:08.460 Fuck

00:36:08.780 Are

00:36:08.900 You

00:36:09.020 Guys

00:36:09.240 Doing

00:36:09.440 Get

00:36:09.680 Out

00:36:09.920 Of

00:36:10.000 Here

00:36:10.120 We

00:36:10.240 On

00:36:10.400 To

00:36:10.500 Run

00:36:10.780 You're

00:36:11.680 Like

00:36:11.800 Divide

00:36:12.420 This

00:36:12.740 Shit

00:36:13.360 There

00:36:14.900 Is

00:36:16.220 Something

00:36:16.500 Amazing

00:36:17.120 Shit

00:36:17.600 Is

00:36:17.740 Like

00:36:17.880 Such

00:36:18.080 Magic

00:36:18.420 Because

00:36:18.580 It's

00:36:18.700 Like

00:36:18.820 You

00:36:18.920 Can

00:36:19.040 Just

00:36:19.180 Make

00:36:19.400 Shit

00:36:19.660 Come

00:36:19.920 Out

00:36:20.040 Of

00:36:20.100 Your

00:36:20.200 Body

00:36:20.420 It's

00:36:21.080 Almost

00:36:21.500 Like

00:36:22.300 Doing

00:36:22.580 Magic

00:36:23.100 You

00:36:23.340 Know

00:36:23.560 I

00:36:24.260 Bet

00:36:24.620 The

00:36:24.780 First

00:36:25.080 Time

00:36:25.300 Nobody

00:36:25.580 Had

00:36:25.740 Ever

00:36:25.940 Seen

00:36:26.180 It

00:36:26.280 Somebody

00:36:26.560 Had

00:36:26.800 Just

00:36:27.800 Opened

00:36:28.200 Their

00:36:28.360 Eyes

00:36:28.700 And

00:36:28.840 Never

00:36:29.340 Eaten

00:36:29.820 And

00:36:30.340 Then

00:36:30.480 One

00:36:30.800 Guy

00:36:31.020 Had

00:36:31.180 Already

00:36:31.520 Eaten

00:36:31.920 Rolled

00:36:32.280 Up

00:36:32.520 And

00:36:33.100 He's

00:36:33.260 Like

00:36:33.460 Hey

00:36:33.680 Watch

00:36:34.080 This

00:36:34.500 Like

00:36:36.940 That's

00:36:37.360 Insane

00:36:38.160 Yeah

00:36:39.640 I bet

00:36:39.960 That

00:36:40.200 Was

00:36:40.480 Really

00:36:40.820 Pretty

00:36:41.180 Pretty

00:36:41.540 Powerful

00:36:42.140 Yeah

00:36:42.340 When

00:36:42.520 You're

00:36:42.680 Young

00:36:42.900 You're

00:36:43.060 Like

00:36:43.180 Fascinated

00:36:43.760 With

00:36:43.980 It

00:36:44.520 I

00:36:45.020 Remember

00:36:45.220 Like

00:36:45.440 You

00:36:45.560 Watch

00:36:45.820 Animals

00:36:46.240 Shit

00:36:46.600 You're

00:36:46.840 Looking

00:36:47.000 Around

00:36:47.240 You're

00:36:47.400 Like

00:36:47.500 Damn

00:36:47.720 Shitting

00:36:48.060 It's

00:36:48.200 Crazy

00:36:48.500 Everyone's

00:36:48.900 Shitting

00:36:49.140 I

00:36:49.680 Would

00:36:50.100 Watch

00:36:50.360 Myself

00:36:50.780 Shit

00:36:51.080 I

00:36:51.620 I

00:36:51.860 Remember

00:36:52.120 Sticking

00:36:52.420 My

00:36:52.600 Head

00:36:52.800 Like

00:36:53.500 As

00:36:53.700 A

00:36:53.800 Kid

00:36:53.980 Trying

00:36:54.220 To

00:36:54.320 Watch

00:36:54.620 And

00:37:01.020 Because

00:37:01.320 I

00:37:01.540 Remember

00:37:01.860 First

00:37:02.160 When I

00:37:02.340 Was

00:37:02.480 Young

00:37:02.740 I

00:37:02.860 Got

00:37:02.980 So

00:37:03.160 Scared

00:37:03.440 Because

00:37:03.560 I

00:37:03.660 Didn't

00:37:03.760 Remember

00:37:04.040 Eating

00:37:04.440 Poop

00:37:04.860 I

00:37:05.080 Didn't

00:37:05.240 Know

00:37:05.360 How

00:37:05.480 It

00:37:05.620 Worked

00:37:06.280 And

00:37:06.740 I

00:37:06.820 Was

00:37:06.920 Like

00:37:07.040 Oh

00:37:07.240 My

00:37:07.440 God

00:37:07.760 Dude

00:37:07.900 I

00:37:08.060 Didn't

00:37:08.340 I

00:37:08.520 Didn't

00:37:08.660 Maybe

00:37:08.880 I've

00:37:09.020 Been

00:37:09.100 Eating

00:37:09.320 This

00:37:09.620 In

00:37:09.740 My

00:37:09.860 Sleep

00:37:10.380 Yeah

00:37:10.820 I

00:37:11.120 Was

00:37:11.220 Like

00:37:11.320 If

00:37:11.440 I've

00:37:11.540 Been

00:37:11.640 Eating

00:37:11.840 This

00:37:12.040 In

00:37:12.140 My

00:37:12.260 Sleep

00:37:12.580 You

00:37:13.380 Shit

00:37:13.680 Outdoors

00:37:14.100 Yeah

00:37:16.080 It's

00:37:16.480 A tough

00:37:16.780 One

00:37:16.980 I've

00:37:17.620 Never

00:37:17.780 Done

00:37:17.980 You

00:37:18.540 Never

00:37:18.700 Shit

00:37:18.860 Outdoors

00:37:31.020 Not

00:37:31.640 In

00:37:31.760 Toilet

00:37:32.180 A dump

00:37:32.660 Is

00:37:32.940 Catastrophic

00:37:34.400 Yeah

00:37:35.040 I

00:37:35.260 Think

00:37:35.480 It

00:37:35.620 Kind

00:37:35.840 Of

00:37:35.960 Depends

00:37:36.420 On

00:37:36.600 Where

00:37:36.800 You

00:37:36.980 Do

00:37:37.240 It

00:37:37.380 And

00:37:37.480 How

00:37:37.680 You

00:37:37.860 Do

00:37:38.080 It

00:37:38.200 Because

00:37:38.320 I

00:37:38.380 Got

00:37:38.460 A

00:37:38.560 Feeling

00:37:38.720 You

00:37:38.900 Shit

00:37:39.160 Outside

00:37:39.480 A lot

00:37:39.800 Oh

00:37:40.660 Well

00:37:40.780 Dude

00:37:40.880 When

00:37:41.040 I

00:37:41.140 Was

00:37:41.300 Young

00:37:41.520 They

00:37:41.640 Had

00:37:41.760 This

00:37:41.920 Kid

00:37:42.100 In

00:37:42.220 Our

00:37:42.380 Town

00:37:42.640 Named

00:37:42.860 Mario

00:37:43.340 And

00:37:44.440 And

00:37:44.460 He

00:37:45.940 Died

00:37:46.200 Actually

00:37:46.460 He

00:37:46.580 Drove

00:37:46.740 His

00:37:46.900 Boat

00:37:47.120 Into

00:37:47.460 An

00:37:47.580 Embankment

00:37:48.140 Which

00:37:48.360 Is

00:37:48.500 Insane

00:37:49.040 And

00:37:49.520 RIP

00:37:50.020 Man

00:37:50.440 I

00:37:50.620 Feel

00:37:50.780 So

00:37:50.960 Sorry

00:37:51.200 For

00:37:51.360 Him

00:37:51.460 His

00:37:51.600 Mother

00:37:51.760 Was

00:37:51.900 A

00:37:52.020 Librarian

00:37:52.720 And

00:37:52.900 Beautiful

00:37:53.960 Guy

00:37:54.260 He

00:37:54.400 Was

00:37:54.520 Italian

00:37:55.000 I

00:37:55.180 Think

00:37:55.400 Or

00:37:55.540 Semi

00:37:55.820 Italian

00:37:56.260 Yeah

00:37:57.020 And

00:37:57.660 He

00:37:57.840 Would

00:37:58.040 Defecate

00:37:59.300 In

00:37:59.420 His

00:37:59.580 Yard

00:37:59.940 And

00:38:00.140 I

00:38:00.260 Was

00:38:00.440 Younger

00:38:00.800 Than

00:38:00.940 Him

00:38:01.200 And

00:38:01.980 For

00:38:02.280 Us

00:38:02.420 To

00:38:02.520 Be

00:38:02.660 Friends

00:38:03.040 I

00:38:03.720 Told

00:38:03.940 This

00:38:04.080 Story

00:38:04.220 He

00:38:04.320 Made

00:38:04.520 Me

00:38:04.680 Bury

00:38:05.100 The

00:38:05.380 Poops

00:38:06.020 In

00:38:06.140 His

00:38:06.260 Yard

00:38:07.260 And

00:38:07.580 So

00:38:07.740 I

00:38:07.860 Was

00:38:07.980 Always

00:38:08.480 Over

00:38:17.460 Moving

00:38:17.800 You

00:38:18.100 Know

00:38:18.260 And

00:38:18.820 Sometimes

00:38:19.020 You

00:38:19.180 Get

00:38:19.340 Too

00:38:19.520 Many

00:38:19.680 In

00:38:19.840 One

00:38:20.000 Area

00:38:20.260 He

00:38:20.540 Make

00:38:20.800 You

00:38:20.980 Move

00:38:21.660 To

00:38:22.000 Another

00:38:22.480 Area

00:38:23.120 Oh

00:38:24.240 Like

00:38:24.440 I'm

00:38:24.600 John Wayne

00:38:25.400 Gacy

00:38:25.900 Or

00:38:26.160 Something

00:38:26.440 Like

00:38:26.700 Oh

00:38:27.600 That

00:38:27.800 Was

00:38:27.960 A

00:38:28.100 Nightmare

00:38:28.500 And

00:38:28.940 Then

00:38:29.180 How

00:38:30.640 Did

00:38:30.800 He

00:38:31.180 Talk

00:38:31.400 You

00:38:31.500 Into

00:38:31.640 That

00:38:31.840 Oh

00:38:32.640 He

00:38:32.900 He's

00:38:33.280 One

00:38:33.400 Of

00:38:33.500 Those

00:38:33.600 Kids

00:38:33.720 That

00:38:33.880 Didn't

00:38:34.000 Even

00:38:34.160 Blink

00:38:34.520 He

00:38:34.660 Was

00:38:34.800 Just

00:38:35.020 Sheer

00:38:36.020 Electricity

00:38:36.540 I

00:38:36.740 Need

00:38:36.900 You

00:38:37.000 To

00:38:37.100 Come

00:38:37.240 Over

00:38:37.400 To

00:38:37.500 My

00:38:37.600 House

00:38:37.880 Yeah

00:38:38.300 Well

00:38:38.660 If

00:38:38.840 You

00:38:38.960 If

00:38:47.460 You

00:38:48.400 Can

00:38:48.500 Judge

00:38:48.720 For

00:38:48.860 That

00:38:49.060 Yeah

00:38:50.320 But

00:38:50.460 Myself

00:38:50.940 I

00:38:51.100 Did

00:38:51.240 Mount

00:38:51.440 Kilimanjaro

00:38:51.900 One

00:38:52.080 Time

00:38:52.260 With

00:38:52.380 A

00:38:52.480 Buddy

00:38:52.700 And

00:38:52.820 I

00:38:52.940 Remember

00:38:53.180 For

00:38:54.660 An

00:38:54.760 Extra

00:38:54.900 150

00:38:55.340 Bucks

00:38:55.800 They'll

00:38:56.220 The

00:38:56.860 Sherpas

00:38:57.220 That

00:38:57.380 Go

00:38:57.560 With

00:38:57.840 You

00:38:58.080 Will

00:38:58.600 Build

00:38:58.880 You

00:38:59.000 A

00:38:59.140 Little

00:38:59.320 Duty

00:38:59.720 Tent

00:39:00.080 Because

00:39:00.540 Otherwise

00:39:00.800 You

00:39:01.120 Gotta

00:39:01.280 Just

00:39:01.660 Defecate

00:39:02.600 In

00:39:02.700 The

00:39:02.820 Wild

00:39:03.140 You

00:39:03.600 Know

00:39:03.760 Yeah

00:39:04.020 And

00:39:04.180 There's

00:39:04.320 Other

00:39:04.480 Things

00:39:04.780 Shitting

00:39:05.060 Out

00:39:05.200 There

00:39:05.300 You

00:39:05.420 There's

00:39:05.900 A lot

00:39:06.140 Of

00:39:06.240 Animals

00:39:06.460 Out

00:39:06.660 There

00:39:06.800 You're

00:39:06.980 In

00:39:07.100 Africa

00:39:07.440 Yeah

00:39:07.980 So

00:39:08.480 There's

00:39:08.800 You

00:39:09.020 Know

00:39:09.200 It's

00:39:09.840 Weird

00:39:10.020 When

00:39:10.180 You're

00:39:10.360 Out

00:39:10.500 There

00:39:10.620 Shitting

00:39:10.800 You

00:39:10.940 Can

00:39:11.080 Feel

00:39:11.400 Other

00:39:11.640 Things

00:39:11.880 Shitting

00:39:12.120 In

00:39:12.220 The

00:39:12.320 Distance

00:39:12.680 It

00:39:12.840 Makes

00:39:13.060 You

00:39:13.340 It's

00:39:14.480 Got

00:39:14.640 A

00:39:14.820 Real

00:39:15.280 Royal

00:39:16.080 Rumble

00:39:16.500 Type

00:39:16.760 Of

00:39:16.900 You

00:39:17.280 You

00:39:17.300 You

00:39:18.200 You're

00:39:18.300 Not

00:39:18.380 The

00:39:18.520 Only

00:39:18.680 One

00:39:18.860 In

00:39:18.940 The

00:39:19.040 Ring

00:39:19.320 You

00:39:19.700 Know

00:39:19.920 And

00:39:21.040 And

00:39:21.060 And

00:39:22.460 So

00:39:22.640 I

00:39:22.820 Remember

00:39:23.020 Being

00:39:23.260 Up

00:39:23.400 There

00:39:23.520 For

00:39:23.660 An

00:39:23.740 Extra

00:39:23.880 150

00:39:24.240 Bucks

00:39:24.560 They'll

00:39:24.740 Build

00:39:24.920 You

00:39:25.020 That

00:39:25.180 You

00:39:25.780 You

00:39:36.460 Thankfully

00:39:36.620 We're

00:39:36.800 Able

00:39:36.940 To

00:39:37.060 Go

00:39:37.240 In

00:39:37.380 There

00:39:37.600 You

00:39:37.860 Know

00:39:38.040 But

00:39:38.400 But

00:39:39.240 There

00:39:39.340 Was

00:39:39.420 A

00:39:39.520 Couple

00:39:39.660 Times

00:39:39.920 Where

00:39:40.080 We

00:39:40.220 Couldn't

00:39:40.620 And

00:39:40.920 And

00:39:41.660 We

00:39:41.800 Do

00:39:42.200 It

00:39:42.320 Out

00:39:42.460 Out

00:39:42.780 On

00:39:43.280 The

00:39:43.480 Mountain

00:39:44.040 Yeah

00:39:44.660 Kind of

00:39:45.140 Nice

00:39:45.480 But

00:39:47.700 Yeah

00:39:47.840 I

00:39:47.960 Guess

00:39:48.140 That

00:39:48.340 School

00:39:48.560 Lunch

00:39:48.820 Table

00:39:49.000 Was

00:39:49.200 The

00:39:49.340 Most

00:39:49.640 Fun

00:39:49.820 There

00:39:50.260 Was

00:39:50.480 Nothing

00:39:50.980 More

00:39:51.320 Fun

00:39:51.820 Did

00:39:51.980 You

00:39:52.040 Have

00:39:52.160 To

00:39:52.220 Go

00:39:52.320 Church

00:39:52.700 Than

00:39:53.340 That

00:39:53.560 Time

00:39:53.800 Sometimes

00:39:54.160 Yeah

00:39:54.560 I

00:39:54.760 Went

00:39:54.880 To

00:39:55.000 Catholic

00:39:55.280 School

00:39:55.500 So

00:39:55.660 We

00:39:55.780 Always

00:39:56.040 Said To

00:39:56.260 Go

00:39:56.380 Church

00:39:56.720 Those

00:39:57.080 A

00:39:57.660 Fart

00:39:57.900 In

00:39:58.060 Church

00:39:58.380 Is

00:39:59.040 I

00:39:59.980 Have

00:40:00.180 To

00:40:00.300 Leave

00:40:00.540 If

00:40:01.200 I

00:40:01.340 Heard

00:40:01.700 Someone

00:40:01.980 Fart

00:40:02.280 I

00:40:02.400 Be

00:40:02.480 Like

00:40:02.660 I'm

00:40:02.860 So

00:40:03.080 Sorry

00:40:03.380 Everybody

00:40:03.820 I'll

00:40:04.660 Never

00:40:04.940 Stop

00:40:05.300 Laughing

00:40:05.640 Because

00:40:06.660 The

00:40:07.460 Rest

00:40:07.660 Of

00:40:07.740 The

00:40:07.780 Time

00:40:07.920 It's

00:40:08.060 Quiet

00:40:08.480 So

00:40:08.920 The

00:40:09.060 Only

00:40:09.260 Thing

00:40:09.460 You

00:40:09.540 Can

00:40:09.660 Hear

00:40:09.840 Is

00:40:10.000 That

00:40:10.200 Off

00:40:11.200 The

00:40:11.400 Pew

00:40:11.720 From

00:40:12.320 Across

00:40:13.140 The

00:40:13.520 Room

00:40:13.780 Just

00:40:14.000 You

00:40:15.960 I'm

00:40:16.440 Just

00:40:16.640 Like

00:40:16.840 I

00:40:18.360 Have

00:40:18.580 To

00:40:18.680 Leave

00:40:18.880 I

00:40:19.460 Have

00:40:19.720 To

00:40:19.860 Leave

00:40:20.120 Yeah

00:40:21.920 Wow

00:40:22.340 Yeah

00:40:22.940 Something

00:40:23.260 Like

00:40:23.500 That

00:40:23.700 Was

00:40:23.900 So

00:40:24.120 Magnificent

00:40:24.680 Why

00:40:25.140 I

00:40:25.280 Had

00:40:25.320 This

00:40:25.420 One

00:40:25.580 Fellow

00:40:25.740 In

00:40:25.840 Our

00:40:25.960 Class

00:40:26.260 He

00:40:26.400 Would

00:40:26.520 Always

00:40:26.920 Walk

00:40:27.340 We

00:40:27.500 Had

00:40:27.620 This

00:40:27.740 Chalk

00:40:27.960 That

00:40:28.160 Was

00:40:28.280 Close

00:40:28.580 To

00:40:28.740 The

00:40:28.860 Wall

00:40:29.180 And

00:40:30.100 He

00:40:30.440 Would

00:40:30.640 Always

00:40:30.920 Walk

00:40:31.760 Back

00:40:32.080 Behind

00:40:32.480 There

00:40:32.740 And

00:40:32.920 People

00:40:33.120 Would

00:40:33.320 Forget

00:40:33.600 That

00:40:33.780 He

00:40:33.820 Was

00:40:33.920 Back

00:40:34.120 There

00:40:34.280 He'd

00:40:34.740 Stay

00:40:34.900 Back

00:40:35.100 There

00:40:35.240 For

00:40:35.380 A few

00:40:35.620 Minutes

00:40:35.920 And

00:40:36.360 Then

00:40:36.500 He

00:40:36.640 Would

00:40:36.800 Just

00:40:37.080 Fart

00:40:37.460 So

00:40:38.560 Loud

00:40:38.940 Like

00:40:39.420 The

00:40:39.540 Class

00:40:39.800 Would

00:40:39.980 Carry

00:40:40.220 On

00:40:40.400 Eight

00:40:40.820 Minutes

00:40:41.120 Later

00:40:41.360 The

00:40:53.500 That's

00:40:54.640 Genuinely

00:40:55.100 Bad

00:40:55.400 Because

00:40:55.660 You'd

00:40:55.980 Startle

00:40:56.340 A

00:40:56.460 Teacher

00:40:56.700 An

00:40:57.300 Adult

00:40:57.600 Would

00:40:57.780 Be

00:40:57.900 Like

00:40:58.100 Is

00:40:58.680 Somebody

00:40:58.960 Back

00:40:59.300 There

00:40:59.560 Yeah

00:41:00.020 Farting

00:41:00.580 Who's

00:41:02.880 Back

00:41:03.100 There

00:41:03.420 Somebody

00:41:05.400 Else

00:41:05.760 Who's

00:41:06.480 Back

00:41:06.900 There

00:41:07.200 Somebody

00:41:08.800 Is

00:41:09.060 Farting

00:41:09.640 You

00:41:10.220 Gotta

00:41:10.380 Walk

00:41:10.840 Out

00:41:11.840 The

00:41:13.780 Fucking

00:41:14.180 Dumb

00:41:14.580 Grin

00:41:14.860 On

00:41:15.000 Your

00:41:15.120 Face

00:41:15.580 And

00:41:18.000 You're

00:41:18.200 Like

00:41:18.380 I

00:41:18.740 Don't

00:41:18.920 Know

00:41:19.080 What

00:41:19.260 That

00:41:20.220 Was

00:41:20.680 High

00:41:23.800 School

00:41:24.120 If

00:41:24.620 You're

00:41:24.860 Young

00:41:25.160 Enough

00:41:25.440 And

00:41:25.600 You

00:41:25.700 Don't

00:41:25.820 Give

00:41:25.980 A

00:41:26.060 Fuck

00:41:26.240 About

00:41:26.380 High

00:41:26.560 If

00:41:26.760 You

00:41:26.900 If

00:41:27.200 You're

00:41:27.620 In

00:41:27.680 High

00:41:27.780 School

00:41:27.900 And

00:41:28.000 You

00:41:28.040 Don't

00:41:28.160 Give

00:41:28.320 A

00:41:28.460 Fuck

00:41:28.660 About

00:41:28.920 It

00:41:29.040 Really

00:41:29.360 And

00:41:29.580 You're

00:41:29.700 Kind of

00:41:29.920 Smart

00:41:30.160 Enough

00:41:30.360 To

00:41:30.480 You're

00:41:30.660 Unstoppable

00:41:31.140 You

00:41:31.480 Can

00:41:32.300 Do

00:41:32.500 Anything

00:41:32.820 Because

00:41:33.280 The

00:41:33.420 Teachers

00:41:33.720 Know

00:41:33.960 It's

00:41:34.120 Bullshit

00:41:34.560 It's

00:41:35.000 Fucking

00:41:35.300 Bullshit

00:41:35.920 Dude

00:41:36.260 Yeah

00:41:37.600 Yeah

00:41:37.840 Because

00:41:38.100 They

00:41:38.680 Barely

00:41:39.060 Finished

00:41:39.440 It

00:41:39.640 And

00:41:45.580 Just

00:41:45.700 Be

00:41:45.840 Like

00:41:46.020 Dude

00:41:46.240 I

00:41:46.820 Promise

00:41:47.240 It

00:41:47.420 Doesn't

00:41:47.660 Matter

00:41:47.900 Yeah

00:41:48.260 Go

00:41:48.540 Wild

00:41:48.960 Go

00:41:49.620 Fucking

00:41:50.040 Nuts

00:41:50.520 Here

00:41:50.860 Because

00:41:51.820 I

00:41:51.900 Was

00:41:52.000 So

00:41:52.120 Afraid

00:41:52.400 Because

00:41:52.520 I

00:41:52.660 You know

00:41:53.100 I'd

00:41:53.280 Get

00:41:53.380 Like

00:41:53.580 Hit

00:41:53.880 You know

00:41:55.060 By

00:41:55.420 My

00:41:55.600 Dad

00:41:55.900 If

00:41:56.060 I

00:41:56.160 Fucked

00:41:56.660 Up

00:41:56.860 Oh

00:41:57.140 Wow

00:41:57.400 Really

00:41:57.680 Yeah

00:41:57.940 Not

00:41:58.140 Like

00:41:58.320 Not

00:41:58.720 If

00:41:59.180 For

00:41:59.420 Me

00:41:59.580 It

00:41:59.680 Was

00:41:59.780 Hard

00:42:00.020 But

00:42:00.300 He

00:42:00.820 Wasn't

00:42:01.020 Like

00:42:01.180 Beating

00:42:01.520 Me

00:42:01.760 But

00:42:02.180 It

00:42:02.260 Was

00:42:02.380 Like

00:42:02.600 That

00:42:03.080 Was

00:42:03.260 Always

00:42:03.540 Like

00:42:03.740 If

00:42:03.840 I

00:42:03.920 Got

00:42:04.060 A

00:42:04.400 Detention

00:42:05.160 Or

00:42:05.360 Something

00:42:05.500 Like

00:42:05.640 That

00:42:05.880 Yeah

00:42:06.180 I

00:42:06.320 Was

00:42:06.340 Like

00:42:06.440 Fuck

00:42:06.740 My

00:42:06.900 Parents

00:42:07.160 Are

00:42:07.260 Gonna

00:42:07.360 Fuck

00:42:07.920 Me

00:42:08.100 Up

00:42:08.240 For

00:42:08.360 This

00:42:08.580 Damn

00:42:09.080 You know

00:42:09.440 Yeah

00:42:09.780 Like

00:42:09.920 I

00:42:10.000 Didn't

00:42:10.140 Care

00:42:10.340 About

00:42:10.500 The

00:42:10.640 Teachers

00:42:11.020 Or

00:42:11.840 School

00:42:12.260 Yeah

00:42:12.720 I

00:42:12.840 Was

00:42:12.920 Like

00:42:13.020 There

00:42:13.240 Is

00:42:13.540 A

00:42:14.120 Looming

00:42:14.520 Physical

00:42:15.880 Punishment

00:42:16.420 For

00:42:16.700 This

00:42:16.880 Fart

00:42:17.180 Damn

00:42:17.880 So

00:42:18.960 You

00:42:19.180 Had

00:42:19.340 A

00:42:19.440 Little

00:42:19.560 There

00:42:19.680 Was

00:42:19.820 Some

00:42:19.960 Skin

00:42:20.180 In

00:42:20.300 The

00:42:20.400 You

00:42:20.740 Had

00:42:20.900 Really

00:42:21.280 Want

00:42:21.600 It

00:42:21.760 Yeah

00:42:22.380 I

00:42:22.520 Got

00:42:22.660 I

00:42:23.240 Actually

00:42:23.480 Got

00:42:23.860 The

00:42:24.040 Belt

00:42:24.260 Once

00:42:24.580 Because

00:42:24.960 My

00:42:25.420 Friend

00:42:25.760 The

00:42:26.100 Same

00:42:26.300 Guy

00:42:26.480 I've

00:42:26.600 Been

00:42:26.700 Talking

00:42:26.920 About

00:42:27.060 This

00:42:27.200 Whole

00:42:27.320 Time

00:42:27.540 Dusty

00:42:27.960 He

00:42:28.160 Farted

00:42:28.540 We

00:42:29.180 Were

00:42:29.260 Doing

00:42:29.400 Stations

00:42:29.820 Of

00:42:29.940 The

00:42:30.020 Cross

00:42:30.340 Yeah

00:42:31.100 Which

00:42:31.400 They

00:42:32.240 Just

00:42:32.420 Go

00:42:32.580 Around

00:42:32.760 And

00:42:32.900 Talk

00:42:33.040 About

00:42:33.280 Each

00:42:33.580 Thing

00:42:33.760 Jesus

00:42:34.060 Did

00:42:34.320 On

00:42:34.440 The

00:42:34.520 Way

00:42:34.640 To

00:42:34.720 Getting

00:42:34.900 Crucified

00:42:35.700 And

00:42:36.940 So

00:42:37.220 It's

00:42:37.380 Like

00:42:37.500 It's

00:42:37.700 Pretty

00:42:37.860 Serious

00:42:38.240 And

00:42:38.380 Everybody's

00:42:38.660 Very

00:42:38.860 Quiet

00:42:39.200 Oh

00:42:39.400 Yeah

00:42:39.500 It's

00:42:39.600 Like

00:42:39.680 The

00:42:39.800 First

00:42:40.000 48

00:42:40.440 Yeah

00:42:40.740 And

00:42:40.860 He

00:42:40.940 Farted

00:42:41.340 So

00:42:42.020 Fucking

00:42:42.380 Loud

00:42:42.740 And

00:42:43.300 I

00:42:43.460 Was

00:42:43.800 I

00:42:44.060 Just

00:42:44.340 Exploded

00:42:44.980 I

00:42:45.200 Was

00:42:45.360 I

00:42:45.680 Was

00:42:46.060 Crying

00:42:46.680 And

00:42:47.260 My

00:42:47.400 Teacher

00:42:47.640 Kicked

00:42:47.920 Me

00:42:48.080 Out

00:42:48.340 And

00:42:48.880 I

00:42:49.000 Tried

00:42:49.180 To

00:42:49.280 Defend

00:42:49.560 Myself

00:42:49.880 And

00:42:49.980 I

00:42:50.040 Was

00:42:50.120 Like

00:42:50.260 Dusty

00:42:50.720 Farted

00:42:51.080 And

00:42:52.140 She

00:42:52.260 Was

00:42:52.380 Like

00:42:52.480 That's

00:42:52.660 Two

00:42:52.860 You're

00:42:53.100 Suspended

00:42:53.620 And

00:42:54.340 I

00:42:54.420 Was

00:42:54.520 Like

00:42:54.640 I

00:42:55.080 Started

00:42:55.420 Crying

00:42:55.820 Outside

00:42:56.260 I

00:42:56.660 Got

00:42:59.100 Home

00:42:59.460 My

00:43:00.060 Dad

00:43:00.360 I

00:43:00.560 Remember

00:43:01.200 It

00:43:01.380 Like

00:43:01.500 It

00:43:01.580 Was

00:43:01.680 Yesterday

00:43:01.960 My

00:43:02.140 Dad

00:43:02.300 Was

00:43:02.420 Cutting

00:43:02.740 The

00:43:02.900 Lawn

00:43:03.600 In

00:43:03.720 The

00:43:03.820 Back

00:43:04.120 And

00:43:04.660 I

00:43:04.720 Just

00:43:04.860 Walked

00:43:05.140 Out

00:43:05.300 And

00:43:05.420 Stood

00:43:05.600 On

00:43:05.740 The

00:43:05.860 Back

00:43:06.060 Porch

00:43:06.380 And

00:43:06.520 Held

00:43:06.740 Up

00:43:06.940 The

00:43:07.220 Pink

00:43:07.860 Slip

00:43:08.160 He

00:43:08.860 Just

00:43:09.140 Let

00:43:09.620 Go

00:43:09.760 Of

00:43:09.860 The

00:43:09.960 Mower

00:43:10.220 And

00:43:10.400 It

00:43:10.460 Turned

00:43:10.700 Off

00:43:10.960 And

00:43:11.520 He

00:43:11.640 Walked

00:43:12.180 In

00:43:12.460 I

00:43:13.020 Ran

00:43:13.300 To

00:43:13.440 My

00:43:13.600 Room

00:43:13.880 And

00:43:14.400 He

00:43:14.500 Was

00:43:14.620 Walking

00:43:14.940 Up

00:43:15.120 The

00:43:15.260 Step

00:43:15.500 Slapping

00:43:16.000 The

00:43:16.220 Belt

00:43:16.440 Dude

00:43:16.720 Yeah

00:43:17.940 That's

00:43:18.480 Awesome

00:43:18.820 And

00:43:19.000 I

00:43:19.060 Was

00:43:19.180 Like

00:43:19.380 He

00:43:19.940 Didn't

00:43:20.120 Even

00:43:20.260 Hit

00:43:20.480 Me

00:43:20.620 Really

00:43:20.900 He

00:43:21.140 Was

00:43:21.260 Just

00:43:21.460 Like

00:43:21.720 It

00:43:22.000 Scared

00:43:22.360 The

00:43:22.500 Fuck

00:43:22.720 Out

00:43:22.900 Of

00:43:22.940 It

00:43:23.560 Was

00:43:23.980 Terrifying

00:43:24.460 It

00:43:25.300 Is

00:43:25.400 Kind

00:43:25.580 Of

00:43:25.640 Good

00:43:25.880 Good

00:43:26.000 Guy

00:43:26.220 He's

00:43:26.500 A

00:43:26.600 Good

00:43:26.720 Guy

00:43:27.020 Look

00:43:28.380 I

00:43:29.040 Think

00:43:29.220 You

00:43:29.340 Gotta

00:43:29.520 Beat

00:43:29.740 Your

00:43:29.880 Kid

00:43:30.180 A

00:43:30.620 Little

00:43:30.860 You

00:43:31.540 Know

00:43:31.680 Or

00:43:31.980 Spank

00:43:32.400 Him

00:43:32.520 He

00:43:32.820 Didn't

00:43:33.000 Hit

00:43:33.780 Me

00:43:33.940 Hard

00:43:34.180 With

00:43:34.320 The

00:43:34.440 Belt

00:43:34.620 That

00:43:34.840 Would

00:43:34.960 Be

00:43:35.080 Wild

00:43:35.640 When

00:43:36.240 You

00:43:36.400 Also

00:43:36.580 Think

00:43:36.840 About

00:43:37.000 What

00:43:37.160 A

00:43:37.280 Dad

00:43:37.540 Could

00:43:37.700 Really

00:43:37.940 Do

00:43:38.180 Like

00:43:38.380 Right

00:43:38.580 Now

00:43:38.720 You

00:43:38.900 Could

00:43:39.040 Have

00:43:39.160 A

00:43:39.260 Seven

00:43:39.500 Year

00:43:39.620 Old

00:43:39.780 Right

00:43:40.280 Yeah

00:43:40.580 Fuck

00:43:41.380 Him

00:43:41.520 If

00:43:41.700 You

00:43:41.840 Really

00:43:42.280 Wanted

00:43:42.740 To

00:43:43.000 You

00:43:43.540 Could

00:43:43.940 Yeah

00:43:44.280 Annihilate

00:43:45.700 A

00:43:45.820 Seven

00:43:45.980 Year

00:43:46.060 With

00:43:46.240 Do

00:43:46.560 Like

00:43:46.700 A

00:43:46.800 Fatality

00:43:47.320 Yeah

00:43:47.800 You

00:43:48.020 Could

00:43:48.140 Like

00:43:48.300 Take

00:43:48.560 His

00:43:48.700 Arms

00:43:48.920 Off

00:43:49.200 Yeah

00:43:50.240 Goro

00:43:50.720 Just

00:43:51.240 Like

00:43:52.920 Wishbone

00:43:53.520 Oh

00:43:54.140 What'd

00:43:54.360 You

00:43:54.440 Get

00:43:54.680 Oh

00:43:55.180 Yeah

00:43:55.620 You

00:43:56.440 Could

00:43:56.540 Do

00:43:56.620 That

00:43:56.780 To

00:43:56.900 A

00:43:57.000 Kid

00:43:57.180 Damn

00:43:57.680 That's

00:43:58.040 Insane

00:43:58.460 Man

00:43:58.720 Here's

00:43:59.460 A

00:43:59.560 Guy

00:43:59.760 Right

00:43:59.960 Here

00:44:00.120 He

00:44:00.200 Seems

00:44:00.300 Like

00:44:30.300 Real

00:44:30.420 Big

00:44:30.640 Orgy

00:44:31.180 Orgies

00:44:32.100 Yeah

00:44:32.360 I'm

00:44:32.440 Not

00:44:32.560 An

00:44:32.680 Orgy

00:44:32.900 Guy

00:44:33.100 At

00:44:33.220 All

00:44:33.440 Oh

00:44:34.080 You

00:44:34.240 Be

00:44:34.380 The

00:44:34.520 Fucking

00:44:34.680 Place

00:44:34.880 Where

00:44:35.040 You

00:44:35.160 Meet

00:44:35.400 Up

00:44:35.520 You're

00:44:35.720 The

00:44:35.820 Tall

00:44:36.000 Guy

00:44:36.280 I

00:44:36.580 Don't

00:44:37.920 Want

00:44:38.040 To

00:44:38.080 Be

00:44:38.220 Near

00:44:38.500 Any

00:44:38.680 Of

00:44:38.820 That

00:44:38.960 Stuff

00:44:39.260 I

00:44:39.900 Think

00:44:40.260 If

00:44:40.620 I

00:44:40.740 Was

00:44:40.860 Back

00:44:40.980 Then

00:44:45.080 I'd

00:44:45.280 Be

00:44:45.400 One

00:44:45.540 Of

00:44:45.600 The

00:44:45.700 Dude

00:44:45.920 I

00:44:46.040 Was

00:44:46.120 Like

00:44:46.220 Fucking

00:44:46.520 Hippies

00:44:47.060 Vietnam

00:44:48.060 Is

00:44:48.360 Good

00:44:48.780 I

00:44:49.740 Know

00:44:50.500 That's

00:44:50.780 Who

00:44:50.880 I

00:44:51.020 The

00:44:52.520 Calf

00:44:52.940 Slicer

00:44:53.440 Baby

00:44:53.700 That

00:44:54.580 Peruvian

00:44:55.220 Necktie

00:44:55.760 The

00:44:55.940 Banana

00:44:56.280 Split

00:44:56.760 The

00:44:57.560 Hard

00:44:57.940 Scarf

00:44:58.680 There

00:44:59.820 Are

00:44:59.920 Tons

00:45:00.160 Of

00:45:00.280 Ways

00:45:00.440 To

00:45:00.580 Come

00:45:00.720 Out

00:45:00.860 On

00:45:00.980 Top

00:45:01.240 In

00:45:01.360 The

00:45:01.460 Octagon

00:45:02.060 And

00:45:02.820 For

00:45:02.980 UFC

00:45:03.420 274

00:45:04.320 There's

00:45:04.540 One

00:45:04.740 More

00:45:05.040 With

00:45:06.180 Draft

00:45:06.660 King

00:45:07.020 Sportsbook

00:45:07.720 The

00:45:07.880 Official

00:45:08.300 Sports

00:45:08.740 Betting

00:45:09.060 Partner

00:45:09.380 Of

00:45:09.680 UFC

00:45:10.220 New

00:45:11.160 Customers

00:45:11.680 Can

00:45:11.860 Bet

00:45:12.000 Five

00:45:12.500 Dollars

00:45:12.840 On

00:45:13.000 Any

00:45:13.200 Fighter

00:45:13.560 And

00:45:14.640 Win

00:45:14.900 One

00:45:15.220 Hundred

00:45:15.480 And

00:45:15.760 Fifty

00:45:16.080 Dollars

00:45:16.440 In

00:45:16.700 Free

00:45:17.060 Bets

00:45:17.520 If

00:45:18.100 They

00:45:18.520 Do

00:45:18.820 That's

00:45:19.580 Right

00:45:19.780 Choose

00:45:20.520 Your

00:45:20.680 Fighter

00:45:20.900 Sit

00:45:21.180 Back

00:45:21.520 And

00:45:22.120 Watch

00:45:22.540 The

00:45:22.880 Action

00:45:23.320 Unfold

00:45:23.980 It's

00:45:24.660 Going

00:45:24.760 To

00:45:24.820 Be

00:45:24.940 Quite

00:45:25.240 A

00:45:25.360 Night

00:45:25.600 Bet

00:45:26.300 Five

00:45:26.600 Dollars

00:45:26.860 And

00:45:26.980 Get

00:45:27.100 150

00:45:27.920 In

00:45:28.160 Free

00:45:28.400 Bets

00:45:28.720 If

00:45:29.180 Your

00:45:29.300 Fighter

00:45:29.560 Wins

00:45:29.980 Download

00:45:31.140 The

00:45:31.780 Draft

00:45:32.180 King

00:45:32.420 Sportsbook

00:45:33.120 App

00:45:33.460 Now

00:45:34.060 Use

00:45:34.920 Promo

00:45:35.200 Code

00:45:35.460 Theo

00:45:35.780 Throw

00:45:36.800 Down

00:45:37.000 Five

00:45:37.580 Buck

00:45:38.220 On

00:45:39.740 Any

00:45:39.980 UFC

00:45:40.380 274

00:45:41.220 Fighter

00:45:41.580 To

00:45:41.820 Win

00:45:42.300 It

00:45:42.680 And

00:45:43.540 Get

00:45:43.700 150

00:45:44.300 In

00:45:44.500 Free

00:45:44.620 Bets

00:45:44.840 If

00:45:44.940 They

00:45:45.020 Do

00:45:45.120 That's

00:45:45.360 Code

00:45:45.520 Theo

00:45:45.860 This

00:45:46.640 Saturday

00:45:47.020 At

00:45:47.220 Draft

00:45:47.500 Kings

00:45:47.780 Sportsbook

00:45:48.460 The

00:45:48.640 Official

00:45:49.080 Sports

00:45:49.880 Betting

00:45:50.200 Partner

00:45:52.120 Agent

00:45:52.360 Elitability

00:45:52.840 Restrictions

00:45:53.600 Apply

00:45:54.840 See

00:45:55.780 Show

00:45:57.280 Notes

00:45:57.760 For

00:45:57.960 Details

00:45:58.440 Look

00:46:00.220 The

00:46:00.400 Bottom

00:46:00.660 Line

00:46:00.920 Is

00:46:01.160 People

00:46:01.500 Are

00:46:02.240 People

00:46:02.960 Are

00:46:03.120 Without

00:46:03.360 Hair

00:46:03.760 You

00:46:04.540 See

00:46:04.760 Them

00:46:04.860 All

00:46:04.960 The

00:46:05.080 Time

00:46:05.340 Will

00:46:05.580 Smith's

00:46:06.000 Husband

00:46:06.300 He

00:46:07.780 Lost

00:46:08.160 It

00:46:08.400 And

00:46:09.560 There's

00:46:09.720 Only

00:46:09.900 Two

00:46:10.200 FDA

00:46:10.700 Approved

00:46:11.100 Medications

00:46:11.820 That

00:46:12.040 Can

00:46:12.220 Prevent

00:46:12.700 Hair

00:46:13.060 Loss

00:46:13.520 Keeps

00:46:14.740 Offers

00:46:15.560 Both

00:46:16.040 That's

00:46:16.300 Right

00:46:16.540 Convenient

00:46:17.620 Virtual

00:46:18.000 Doctor

00:46:18.360 Consultations

00:46:19.100 And

00:46:19.260 Medications

00:46:19.740 Delivered

00:46:20.200 Straight

00:46:20.960 To

00:46:21.200 Your

00:46:21.360 Door

00:46:21.620 Every

00:46:21.860 Three

00:46:22.100 Months

00:46:22.460 You

00:46:22.520 Don't

00:46:22.640 Have

00:46:22.760 To

00:46:22.860 Leave

00:46:23.020 Your

00:46:23.140 Home

00:46:23.380 That's

00:46:23.700 Keeps

00:46:24.020 They

00:46:24.120 Do

00:46:24.360 It

00:46:24.480 For

00:46:24.720 You

00:46:25.000 Low

00:46:25.920 Cost

00:46:26.380 Treatments

00:46:27.000 Start

00:46:27.240 At

00:46:27.320 Just

00:46:27.480 Ten

00:46:27.740 Bucks

00:46:27.980 Per

00:46:28.180 Month

00:46:28.480 And

00:46:29.300 Keeps

00:46:29.660 Offers

00:46:29.940 Generic

00:46:30.400 Versions

00:46:30.860 Of

00:46:31.460 The

00:46:31.580 Two

00:46:31.780 FDA

00:46:32.140 Approved

00:46:32.460 Medications

00:46:33.020 To

00:46:33.220 Prevent

00:46:33.540 Hair

00:46:33.760 Loss

00:46:34.100 Treatment

00:46:35.260 Plans

00:46:35.640 Are

00:46:35.880 Affordable

00:46:36.400 Typically

00:46:36.860 Half

00:46:37.220 The

00:46:51.860 Take

00:46:53.980 That's

00:47:00.580 Keeps

00:47:03.160 K

00:47:05.340 And

00:47:07.920 That's

00:47:08.600 carney nebraska i was wondering who do you guys think would win in a cage fight with you two

00:47:13.340 against each other maybe to the death um maybe just the first one to get penned i don't know

00:47:18.220 it's up to you guys uh anyways gang gang i think you would probably uh i think we would be a good

00:47:25.940 fight yeah yeah it's an interesting thing to do to a guest on a podcast yeah have a guy i'll be

00:47:32.760 like oh let's take some questions yeah do you think you can beat me up dude well that's true

00:47:37.300 what the fuck yeah i didn't think about that sorry man no it's totally fine uh and i didn't even know

00:47:42.600 we're gonna have this question actually i think uh i don't know again same thing with the patriotism

00:47:46.780 i've never seen you in action yeah yeah but i've got probably a hundred pounds on you so that'd help

00:47:52.660 or hurt that's a good point yeah it could be interesting i think it'd be a good match i think

00:47:57.520 so too yeah that's cool um yeah i'm trying to think if there was anything else that was super

00:48:02.840 like we would go spend time like i'm just trying to think of times that were really really funny

00:48:06.900 when you were young like what was the most well once things once girls come into the picture

00:48:12.260 some of the fun starts it's still there but it changes then it's about being cool yeah there's

00:48:18.000 a certain level of coolness that kind of comes in then as well there's a lot of fun being mean to

00:48:22.180 your friend who's trying to be cool yeah that's fun like when you see a kid trying to pick up a girl

00:48:26.520 yeah it's very fun to be like yeah you're gay yeah for trying to do that

00:48:30.840 yeah i'm trying to think of thing other things that were great when i was young

00:48:35.520 i mean so much of it was fun field trips bro when you were going field trips nuts it was nuts yeah

00:48:42.160 just on the bus on the way to the zoo yeah with your bros oh and girls that was when it was nice

00:48:47.340 when you started getting horny yeah and then you'd go on a field trip and you'd be like nice i'm

00:48:51.360 sitting with the girl yeah yes this is so cool we're gonna kiss oh you're like damn melissa's

00:48:56.040 sitting with shane that's crazy crazy yeah how'd that even happen what a come up dude yeah and

00:49:00.880 you're like damn he's really changing i guess and then other guys would feel so defeated you're

00:49:04.800 like i'm still sitting here with freaking marcus yeah you know this dude's ugly yeah but they would

00:49:09.980 have more fun actually no i would have a but that was so fun when you started dating for the first

00:49:14.160 time in your life like yeah that shit ruled now it sucks i'd rather hang out with the bros

00:49:18.540 yeah it definitely if i was on a field trip i would hate it if i was sitting with my fucking

00:49:22.080 girlfriend oh yeah that's true huh it is interesting yeah you go through these phases

00:49:28.620 where it's like one is kind of better than the other when you're really horned out bro when you

00:49:32.600 got your hormones rolling in your body damn man them bitches yeah god i can't believe it yeah you

00:49:38.940 can't believe this this is so sick yeah holding hands i'm gonna slow dance bro when your teacher

00:49:44.740 would come over and lean over to tell you something you would see an edge of a fucking

00:49:48.220 tit we had these weird i would almost throw my dick off of my body it was crazy i couldn't

00:49:54.000 handle the pressure we had a lady that was like 70 she's like 70 years old huge tits oh great tits

00:50:01.720 but looking back at it it's like damn that's crazy i was horny for that lady every day for like four

00:50:07.380 years every day i'd just stare at this lady's old giant tits yes yeah and teachers would try to

00:50:15.020 dress as unseductive as possible which made it even hotter dude give me that i need to see that

00:50:21.120 yeah i want that b minus tit i don't mind that i like a good totally covered woman yeah me that makes

00:50:27.800 me even more horny see that's why i could really see you i could almost see you look like an attractive

00:50:33.000 amish woman if you had the bonnet on and the full regalia like fucking rosie o'donnell in league of

00:50:38.200 their own oh damn dude you know who just messaged me the other day was roseanne bar hit me up and

00:50:42.780 sent me a dv yeah i texted her i don't think she texted me back actually i wish she would i used to

00:50:48.700 want to tour with her it'd be awesome so cool that would be cool she was so cool man um yeah so now

00:50:56.600 you're are you moving into theaters in some spaces do you like that what's that like i haven't i

00:51:00.100 haven't headlined a theater really actually at all yet yeah um that's i think that's gonna start

00:51:05.400 next year wow we're working on that right now yeah actually this year i'm doing some theaters in

00:51:10.200 england and ireland oh wait i saw that you're going to the shepherd's actually yeah that'll be my first

00:51:15.680 dude that'll be my first one oh yeah wow bro yeah that that audience is gonna flip for you i hope

00:51:22.860 that'll be cool dude that's so cool yeah i'm excited about that are you going to scotland as well

00:51:27.660 yeah glasgow glasgow that's where i went yeah yeah it's probably the same run yeah it probably is man

00:51:33.200 first the first time you did it was probably it's got to be the same promoters probably

00:51:37.300 yeah we get well they let me pick i think at edinburgh and glasgow and i picked glasgow

00:51:41.920 it's just more working class over there you know yeah i'm doing like manchester yep leeds glasgow

00:51:47.940 london and dublin damn yeah it'll be cool and then australia which yeah i've never been over there

00:51:54.020 how's that oh the best don't even do not come back and give yourself an extra week over there bro i i

00:52:00.300 i mean i was there for two weeks doing shows but i should have taken like a week and just stayed

00:52:05.180 just yeah maybe i will do that it's yeah because it's so hard to kind of get back over there

00:52:10.260 yeah i know that's not like i'm excited about it but i'm already mad about the flight yeah it's gonna

00:52:15.780 suck yeah well i think there's just a way to manage it do you do you have trouble with um with the

00:52:22.800 flying and traveling and stuff you kind of okay i don't mind the flying but i usually fly first now

00:52:26.920 yeah i'm big dude if i sit coach i'm literally i feel bad right because i like i'm i'm the guy

00:52:33.160 when you see me walking down the fucking aisle you're like please don't sit next to me oh you

00:52:36.940 know what i mean yeah or at least in my head that's oh right probably right if i was somebody and i saw

00:52:41.160 me a big long jack yeah don't fucking sit next to me dude you're not gonna fit yeah so i feel bad

00:52:46.560 so i'm like i'm afraid to touch the person next to me i sit like this for like four hours i'll have my

00:52:51.820 shoulder yeah it sucks yeah i do that too i would used to actually lace my arms under the seatbelt

00:52:57.120 in front of me like this that's probably put them both yeah it's a good way to keep them there yeah

00:53:00.680 does you keep them there and because i was usually tired and i would i would be an erratic sleeper

00:53:05.660 like that and so i didn't want to hit anybody while i was while i was kind of laying there yeah i was

00:53:09.480 losing it yeah first class flights to australia are like twenty thousand dollars is it really they're

00:53:14.480 crazy well i i definitely noticed this that anything that's expensive is now extremely more

00:53:19.740 expensive like inflation's gotten crazy and um i think they're just billing everything out the

00:53:24.960 wazoo like even i notice now if you get like a suite at a hotel like a regular room might be one

00:53:29.920 180 160 a suite now is like 900 you're like yeah it's just crazy i mean it's just i don't know

00:53:39.280 it's a lot man yeah i hope it doesn't continue to suck it would really blow if we got into like

00:53:44.680 for real hyperinflation and like shit did go bad what what could happen would suck

00:53:49.520 do you think you could handle yourself do you have any preparation like do you have any

00:53:52.520 i don't even i don't have a gun i don't have yeah i live in fucking new york it's hard to go on

00:53:59.100 can you have you can get a gun there probably yeah probably maybe not in alphabet city yeah maybe

00:54:04.740 not even there anymore yeah new york if shit started to go bad i'd get the fuck out of new york

00:54:09.680 right that wouldn't be that'd be the probably the last place in america i would want to be

00:54:14.020 or get on a ship too there's a lot of ships leaving out of there ships would be good

00:54:17.220 people don't think about that i asked somebody one time where would you want to be if the world

00:54:21.900 was falling apart and they'd be like i'd be i'd get on a ship and go like a couple hundred yards

00:54:25.180 off the coast i'm like yeah oh great idea and just come back in when you need snacks yeah or fish

00:54:30.760 yeah it'd just be like your vending machine yeah what else was i gonna nashville would be good for

00:54:35.060 that this would be a good area for what shit started going pretty bad but you're centrally low so

00:54:40.760 there's a lot of people that can really attack you yeah you know i think anyway um

00:54:47.080 has it been weird after uh the covet ended in new york has it been weird has it been normal do you

00:54:55.680 find yourself missing the pandemic at all yeah i miss the pandemic a lot i left new york i was just

00:55:00.020 at my parents house a lot shit ruled i was down i was down in the basement playing video games

00:55:04.940 yeah i had an old xbox 360 the ncaa 14 on it i played it for like six months oh yeah his mom

00:55:11.780 would make dinner it was wonderful god that is nice it was great and it was nice not fucking

00:55:16.740 drinking every day it was nice hanging out not going to bars just fucking sitting at home i mean

00:55:22.500 i could do that now but yeah do you do you uh i feel like i missed it too i feel like i missed it

00:55:28.020 was less people on the roads oh that was the best if you weren't scared of the pandemic it was the best

00:55:32.640 it was dude i drove across the country at the beginning of the pandemic it fucking ruled

00:55:37.520 did y'all stay at campgrounds no i just i went by myself i drove out to fucking stanhope's in

00:55:42.600 arizona it was the best no one on the road gas was fucking 30 cents yeah what was it like going

00:55:49.940 to stanhope's is it pretty it's wild it is yeah i was ready to go back to my parents basement

00:55:55.300 yeah i i i i i don't know it's fun they're the best people on earth oh yeah like the most loving

00:56:00.560 people but i was tired it's a lot you know i was a guest i felt fucking weird i was there for like a

00:56:06.560 month oh what yeah i overstayed pretty hard and were there any clues that you should have left

00:56:12.140 no i was i was like i should leave i'm gonna leave and they're like you don't have to you

00:56:17.960 don't have to this is fine there's a guest house i was just there oh dang was there a pool no pool but

00:56:23.800 it would get weird when i wouldn't hang out like if i spent like a day or two just in the guest house

00:56:28.980 that was weird so then you feel like yeah i come out and they'd be like does he fucking hate us

00:56:33.820 oh like no i'm just hung over i'm not you guys yeah i'm trying it's hard and you're in the desert

00:56:40.620 dude doing partying or drinking anything in the day it's like twice as hard on you yeah you wake up

00:56:44.620 it's just like oof i used to be able to hear my eyes click open because they were so dry when i'd be

00:56:49.520 so dehydrated out in the desert and it would click open um what do you think about that

00:56:57.840 elon musk and twitter man i like it yeah what's the holdup what's the holdup i don't know is it

00:57:03.080 just because he's gonna put trump on oh is that it you think that's what his plan is i'm sure he

00:57:07.980 would i think he's gonna be like we need free speech i think he's just gonna open the gates it's

00:57:11.900 gonna be kind of like that um yeah like maybe he'll destroy twitter if he does that i don't think

00:57:16.840 you will i think twitter will be fucking nuts you can do anything i know twitter if twitter really

00:57:22.120 you could do anything because it's really it's an extremely it's like an alt left app yeah basically

00:57:26.300 yeah it kind of is now it feels like anyway maybe it's not i don't know i mean they yeah i mean didn't

00:57:33.580 they have like a the head of the taliban still on twitter oh yeah trump was not yeah that's a good

00:57:38.460 point it's like what are we doing and how much i wonder how much like hype they lost and they let

00:57:43.900 trump go because trump was a fuck i mean he's as ridiculous as it was he carried carried it his

00:57:48.640 now my favorite thing is his old tweets yeah you ever read those yeah so good it's so good he's like

00:57:53.400 robert pattinson needs to leave that dog of a woman she's gonna cheat on him i know it it's just crazy

00:58:00.400 he's talking about the twilight kids the best is when uh barstool um they portnoy interviewed him and was

00:58:07.820 like uh yeah about the tweets and stuff do you ever like kind of proofread it before you put it out

00:58:13.400 like you know sometimes you kind of just rattle it off and then you go to bed he's just he was

00:58:20.280 tweeting yeah that was him i was just down there i was just at mar-a-lago oh i saw that picture did

00:58:25.700 you get to meet him no i saw him though he was hanging out really and there was like no one else

00:58:29.780 there and somebody was talking to me about his tweets like they were with him tweeting and he would

00:58:34.460 just sit there and be like send it and then just a shit storm immediately so dope 50 articles

00:58:42.780 immediately so crazy dude do you uh what was mar-a-lago like was it uh real fancy it was

00:58:48.900 extremely fancy but it's small it's small it's not as big as you'd think can you get a it's a motel

00:58:53.880 hotel room uh no you can't you gotta like get like i had to get like clearance yeah like the day before

00:59:00.200 they had to get like my name and all that shit wow yeah because i got some shows coming up in

00:59:04.240 florida i wonder if i could go there i bet you could wow i bet you could it's crazy there's like

00:59:08.220 a guy with a machine gun at the front door what like this is what is it it i think it used to be

00:59:13.700 it's like a club you can join it it's like two hundred thousand dollars a year for membership

00:59:18.280 and there's golf too there's no golf course it's like a spa and a restaurant oh wow and that's

00:59:25.240 that's about it that's two pools yeah and he just lives there basically damn so that's the fun

00:59:31.480 part you get to see him walk around occasionally he plays the music he plays what jays no he

00:59:36.540 doesn't he dj's the music at mar-a-lago it's crazy and what kind of stuff does he choose and

00:59:42.060 is it like when i was there it was hotel california yeah which is crazy and that's also like the most

00:59:48.120 whitest old song and then it switched from like shit like that and then it went to like proud to be

00:59:53.960 an american i swear to god and then it would go back to that shit i could have it was like the

00:59:58.980 beach boys dude i'm super i'm shocked that more black dudes didn't like trunk i think low-key every

01:00:04.240 black dude kind of fucking love trump i think so because i think that's a yeah because he made

01:00:09.820 kodak black chills there oh he does at mar-a-lago wow yeah because he was all i mean in the end he's

01:00:17.300 kind of about bitches and money yeah that was it you know yeah that's a good president yeah

01:00:24.520 let's give this guy the keys dude see what he does by far the most entertaining president i don't know

01:00:31.080 if being president even matters anymore it feels like if you're in politics now it almost feels like

01:00:34.780 it's just ridiculous to even be in it yeah it is kind of embarrassing yeah you look like a dork dude

01:00:40.720 yeah i guess it's not that important because biden's clearly dead oh i cannot like at a certain

01:00:47.680 point it's kind of not cool that we put a guy out there who's not well dude it's kind of sad yeah

01:00:53.200 it's like mean right that's what i feel like this is the only way we can win is him right and it's

01:00:57.940 like this is kind of going to embarrass this he's going to ruin his whole legacy well every time he

01:01:02.400 goes up there and speaks you can just tell like you know you can see an old guy when he's not doing

01:01:05.960 real health yeah you know it's fun to see him when he's on though every once in a while there's

01:01:09.580 glimpses yeah oh shit he's still got it yeah he's firing i've heard he's a super nice guy man

01:01:14.280 from people that from friends of mine that know him but um i don't know i never i never knew a lot

01:01:20.260 of politicians every politician in louisiana got busted for sex crimes or embezzlement that's good

01:01:26.520 yeah that's who you want you want someone that's like i'm taking fucking wild risks yeah i'm trying

01:01:31.820 to get it done yeah that's true i think it's the only real way to be i think you want like a real

01:01:36.900 you want that jesse james in there yeah do you i want i want i kind of wish people would start

01:01:43.240 voting in insane just create the wildest person you could think of two the last two have been

01:01:47.660 fucking nuts that's true trump was wild yeah biden's crazy yeah these are two crazy picks yeah

01:01:53.480 last eight years we've had a leader that's like half you know half the country's like dude what are

01:01:58.660 we doing we've made some wild choices we're like the cleveland browns just shuffling two quarterbacks

01:02:03.260 first round donald trump god damn it he's a bust we're rolling through it fuck it do you think

01:02:10.680 he'll run again i don't know i think uh if he does rob desantis won't run the guy from florida right

01:02:18.380 but then i think desantis it seems like desantis is gonna run yeah and then who the fuck are the

01:02:22.820 democrats gonna go like who are they gonna pick i don't know they're gonna have to go with

01:02:28.400 they did biden again if they were like dude four more years he's fine he's just laying down

01:02:36.660 somewhere yeah they're like he's our guy he's sharp as shit off camera he gets nervous

01:02:42.100 they do need to try it's laughable but they could you never know fucking laughable i hope they get

01:02:47.940 hillary oh wow i hope they get hillary i hit dude if we get trump hillary oh again the rematch i'll

01:02:54.400 go crazy look i was like i didn't vote for trump i never voted i didn't vote for trump this one i'd

01:03:01.720 be like yeah trump's gotta win this like i'd be so pumped dude oh that'd be exciting dude yeah

01:03:08.860 it'd be a good battle oh i think it would be it would just be so good to see them too because

01:03:13.880 you see them talking shit again oh so good yeah that's the kind of shit the best part i wish that

01:03:20.080 the vice the president had to pick a vice president from the other it had to be like a

01:03:24.260 from the other part i always wish that trump and bernie had to be on the same ticket because then

01:03:30.060 it's like you have this they're gonna have to figure shit out you know you're gonna have to

01:03:34.280 have some real conversations so lincoln did with his cabinet did he really yeah it was there's a book

01:03:38.780 called like team of rivals he just got everybody disagreed with oh yeah see you're right there you're a

01:03:44.180 better patriot than i am i think that i mean i had an autograph hacksaw jim duggan poster that's

01:03:50.700 pretty good that's honestly that's kind of more patriotic i don't know i mean he was a construction

01:03:56.200 worker but i don't know if that's more patriotic you know yeah but that's something you like wrestling

01:04:03.380 now um not as much i mean i don't go watch it no have you been recently no well soda took me to

01:04:10.340 one like four years ago yeah i'd never been to one it was actually fucking it's cool to see yeah in

01:04:15.200 person you're like holy shit this is real it's a real production these guys are getting fucked up

01:04:18.700 oh i saw a mexican father and son and combined they were probably eight four and they were it was when

01:04:27.560 the rock came back there's a night where the rock came back it was like 10 years ago and they were

01:04:31.380 when he came out they were both standing there holding hands bawling crying damn and that's nice

01:04:36.880 oh it was beautiful that's what i was just saying i just saw i just watched wrestlemania i haven't

01:04:41.100 watched wrestling in years yeah and stone cold came out and i was instantly just like holy shit

01:04:46.820 this is so sick yeah yeah i could i i'm afraid i can't get into it because that would be i don't

01:04:53.600 need that well you don't need to be a wrestling fan what can you take on yeah you know i can't take

01:04:58.920 that personality on at this point yeah it'd be bad there's no there's not a lot of pros now i will

01:05:04.660 say this you remind me bring up um bring up the big boss man i think you look a little bit like

01:05:10.020 this guy people bring that up a big boss man son i see that yeah i could bring it up that you look

01:05:14.160 up big boss man policeman wrestling yeah i do look like the big boss man but it's funny that we look

01:05:22.260 through things as a lens with racism not because at the time it didn't seem racist it's not like we

01:05:26.360 didn't know but my black friends wouldn't not watch wrestling it'd be like farouk would be out

01:05:29.900 there the big boss man would come out with a fucking stick a police stick yeah hit him

01:05:35.000 i mean i think there's certainly yeah i mean you don't want to play this in minneapolis you don't

01:05:41.320 want to play a lot of big boss man reruns you know there's certain places you want to do stuff

01:05:45.780 what would his finishing move the big boss man i don't know what he would do yeah um but yeah it's

01:05:51.960 just fun yeah that's just fun as shit but yeah the old promo is like they'd have a fucking

01:05:55.880 like an arab dude come out and be like iran's the best america can suck our fucking dick so

01:06:01.500 i'll be like you motherfucker see that's one thing i love about i love it if a crowd wants to change

01:06:07.120 usa in other countries you're allowed to have so much more like this is our country you know but

01:06:13.300 here the media i feel like you try to say yeah they've told us to chill the fuck out right our

01:06:18.600 media tells it we're the only ones doing that totally other countries no i mean now saying chill the

01:06:24.420 fuck out but like other countries are like they're not we have flags everywhere in america everybody

01:06:29.460 in america is like america is the fucking best or at least that's how it used to be yeah that's how

01:06:33.760 it used to yeah now it's a little more like actually yeah we have a pretty troubled history yeah like

01:06:38.420 it go to fucking any other country dude yeah look into anybody's history i'm saying it not you know

01:06:44.520 not saying it doesn't matter but yeah they're all a little dicey yeah well being a lot existence has

01:06:50.380 been a dicey run yeah it's been pretty bad yeah um i think you know i don't know i mean i just you

01:06:58.220 know i do my best did you ever do opian in them show no by the time no i was i was i was late i did

01:07:06.000 anthony akumia's show i did jim and sam shit like that oh yeah never opie yeah yeah that's a bummer i've

01:07:13.640 seen you go on there it was fun on there yeah it was wild on there yeah dude i had so much fun in

01:07:17.380 there just sitting goofing around i just felt like such a just a it just felt like a real goofball

01:07:22.200 and that's what it was also nice back then when you'd be exciting to be on a show you'd be like

01:07:25.780 oh shit i've got serious xm today yeah fucking crazy yeah now if i now if it's like a fuck i

01:07:31.380 gotta go to this podcast fucking radio yeah oh the radio yeah yeah the radio really really it's

01:07:37.500 on the road yeah i was just starting i was like damn so sick okay gotta do radio not a big deal

01:07:44.180 yeah like we're over at the radio station doing it yeah it's like i'm not doing it dude it must

01:07:49.540 be crazy a lot of comedy i i guess i haven't gone into morning radio in a long time thank god i mean

01:07:54.720 it's a blessing not to have to go but remember how hectic it was if you got into a place you get on

01:07:59.320 the late flight sometimes or you get the early flight you get there you have to go straight to

01:08:03.580 the radio station and then you had to try and get a nap in after that which is fine a.m it's always

01:08:08.520 fucking 6 a.m radio and you go in they don't care at all after they're like so what was snl like

01:08:15.600 every now and then in florida they would care florida likes their radio yeah yeah yeah florida

01:08:21.120 still loves their radio calta um yeah yeah and they had rochester new york had a good radio station

01:08:28.280 there's still some markets that were pretty sick yeah but it was different man i just hated waking up

01:08:33.920 yeah so hard did you ever uh i remember getting so drunk one night i peed all over my phone it was

01:08:41.060 like when cell phones first came out and i fucking missed it and they were furious oh really people

01:08:46.160 were so pissed yeah what are they it's okay it was bad oh it was a day where i was supposed to drive

01:08:54.020 myself over there oh okay so that was the thing i got to do one rogan show and i didn't know that i

01:09:00.420 was going to go up first right so we're just standing there backstage and he's like you guys

01:09:04.500 ready to start the show and we're like yeah and i'd just been kind of like getting busier you know

01:09:09.040 and so like i think i was probably somewhere in my head i'm getting a little bit full of myself or

01:09:13.120 something you know and so then he just gets on the mic and i just assume that somebody else is

01:09:17.720 there and then you go up first and then he's like ladies and gentlemen and i walk out there and

01:09:22.540 i'm like oh fuck oh shit it's like 3 000 people most people i'd ever been in front of people are

01:09:27.340 still sitting down and i'm like oh jesus yeah and part of the lights that were still on for

01:09:32.680 some reason it was just no oh it was so hard man it was so hard that was fun though that was a

01:09:38.880 nightmare bro i mean it was awesome yeah and it was super cool but it was just hard yeah that sucks

01:09:44.200 i've had to do that a couple times yeah we're like you're on the road with someone big and they're

01:09:47.320 like all right you go first we god i shouldn't yeah no but you're like of course and then you get

01:09:54.480 off stage and fuck i should have killed right but people were literally sitting down and they

01:09:59.040 they hated me yeah oh that's the feeling i had walk off the stage oh dude i wanted to get out of it

01:10:04.120 and then i don't even want to get out of the place you want to get out of the whole city you want to

01:10:07.180 get out off the tour you want to get off of the earth when it goes real bad was it um was it was

01:10:12.580 working with louis pretty cool yeah it was awesome that was like a dream did he approach you about it

01:10:17.520 yeah wow yeah it was cool he saw me perform at the cellar one night and he was like laughing and i was

01:10:22.300 like damn that's crazy and then like two days later i got an email from his lady that was like

01:10:27.660 do you want to come work on the tour i was like yes i was pumped was it when you were was it did you

01:10:33.900 feel real inferior with his comedy because his comedy is so unique and good it's uh sometimes i'll

01:10:39.240 watch and i'm like oh man yeah for sure i mean but he's one of those like he's so good that i'm not

01:10:44.640 even comparing you know what i mean right like if it was somebody like our age and they were

01:10:50.180 murdering and i wasn't even close i'd be like i actually i don't like them now yeah like something

01:10:54.800 crazy like that yeah and that but with with him it was like yeah he's i think he's the best ever so

01:11:00.300 yeah i didn't yeah it was cool to watch yeah he is he i mean it's just man he's so good i just watched

01:11:06.680 he just ran his i was with him he ran his new hour for the first time after his special i said i was

01:11:12.340 with him the night he ran it and he was like it's funny because he was like nervous he's like writing and

01:11:16.320 like how do i it's killed first time he ever ran it that was when i was sitting in the back like

01:11:21.520 fuck i'm not even close he hadn't even ever practiced it he had run it he had definitely done like

01:11:26.800 spots but it was the first time he ran it all together yeah someone said that he made and this

01:11:32.740 is a rumor that i heard 13 million dollars on his special selling it online yeah probably i believe

01:11:38.000 that i wonder if that's true or not i believe it was probably what like 10 bucks 20 bucks yeah that's

01:11:43.500 what i thought yeah because how many people have to buy it then a million oh yeah good call

01:11:50.160 yeah something like that because i remember asking my agent about it he's like no fucking way

01:11:55.660 you know yeah but but the agents want you to think that because they want you to sell your special to a

01:12:00.980 um to a also he was running ads did you see any of those uh-uh he was running like he bought ad

01:12:07.420 space on tv was running infomercials that's amazing for the special good for him like funny

01:12:13.020 yeah damn he's so creative yeah um do you find it easier as you've gotten more popular do you feel

01:12:18.780 like it's gotten easier do you feel like it's gotten more complicated has anything changed for

01:12:22.800 you you think as far as i think stand-up wise it's definitely it's easier which is kind of a problem

01:12:27.940 right you know what i mean right like people just like to see you so it's not even about what you're

01:12:31.900 excited yeah like that this bit sucked and they're like yeah there's something about the element of

01:12:38.280 surprise yeah yeah there's something about being surprising um did they have a lot of uh i'm trying

01:12:47.920 to think of something that could have happened when you were young oh do you remember the first man

01:12:50.740 you ever saw that could have been homosexual or anything like that and you guys were kind of

01:12:53.780 shocked by it i guess we i didn't know because it was priests oh i knew something was weird i just

01:12:59.740 figured it was because he was a priest oh he like spoke with an effeminate voice oh dang but i remember

01:13:05.000 being a kid i mean like maybe it's just because he's a priest he's different oh yeah like god loves

01:13:11.100 him so much that he just has so much love in him that some of it's coming out towards men

01:13:14.760 or more of it than usual yeah yeah i think that was it how about you the first guy you saw you're

01:13:20.440 like damn definitely well we had a they had a mentally handicapped guy in our town and uh

01:13:25.760 people would be like that guy's gay you know and he wasn't he was mentally handicapped but nobody knew

01:13:31.200 because he rode like a woman's bicycle and so uh people were always yelling gay at him and stuff like

01:13:38.900 that but he was mentally handicapped you know and he would kind of come by the school a lot but i think

01:13:44.740 it was he was like child-minded yeah so he would just try to be by the school and stuff like that and be

01:13:49.580 friends with other boys and he wasn't gay at all he was just his genetics were gay or whatever you

01:13:55.960 know he was straight but he was just uh mentally unwell i had two guys like one guy he used to ride

01:14:00.780 a tricycle around it was sick he had a tricycle with his a customized license plate on the front

01:14:05.320 with his name on it wasn't he would try to get it it was john he would try to get you he would come

01:14:10.500 up and be like do you like pancakes oh he'd be like yeah yeah like you want to put pancakes in my

01:14:15.360 pants and be like dude john what are you doing like i didn't even i wasn't even afraid as a kid

01:14:21.400 i'm gonna use that like i was just like this guy's wild i didn't even think that it was like he was

01:14:27.020 trying to rape but i don't know if he was i don't think he was i think he was just having fun breakfast

01:14:32.740 love saying wild stuff yeah yeah i don't want to put that on his name i think he was just riding his

01:14:37.720 trike around talking shit to people which is a pretty good life oh dude i think yeah if you're living

01:14:43.760 like that i think living law it's definitely one way to go getting a tricked out tricycle yeah if

01:14:48.580 you're a mentally handicapped man someone hooks you up with that yeah and then you just get to

01:14:52.440 ride around say whatever you want to like kids oh yeah no one had a problem oh go up to kids and

01:14:56.720 they'd be like that's john dude he's wild yeah he's wild remember that before everything was before

01:15:02.200 everybody was a creep it was like that guy's wild he has a good time yeah just riding around a

01:15:06.900 tricycle through a neighborhood um yeah i'm trying to think if we had like a guy i mean we had some

01:15:11.920 pedos and stuff as i got a little bit over alleged guys you know yeah um i always i always give it

01:15:17.440 pass to the mentally handicapped pedos oh yeah i can't be mad at them well i'm sure there's a and

01:15:23.220 i've heard of this um that there's a lot of guys who would let mentally handicapped guys jack them

01:15:30.000 off or do you know do sexual stuff that's not great yeah no but to like oh oh for them to get it

01:15:37.000 out no for them like the guy wanted to so it's like to help you know i hate to say to help them

01:15:43.620 out but it's like yeah you know the guy wants to so bad and you are trying to help the mentally

01:15:49.680 unwell i guess now that i say it out loud it sounds yeah wait crazy that's totally crazy

01:15:55.400 it's almost like hold on it's almost like i think this mentally handicapped guy's horny i'll take care

01:16:00.520 of it guys no i'm gonna let him masturbate me yeah yeah yeah that's crazy fuck man fuck people

01:16:10.300 are fucked up i didn't even think about that i always thought like yeah man i totally see what

01:16:15.840 you're saying but now that i really put it on you know put pen to paper it's pretty bad here's a

01:16:20.300 question that came in right here hey theo hey shane gang gang was wondering what you guys thought

01:16:27.320 about taxidermy i got my impala right there and then got my ram head right here ram head that's

01:16:34.980 the bathroom that from uh matt shane you can talk him into getting one uh you guys down for it bringing

01:16:42.140 the outdoors indoors and uh what kind of taxidermy would you guys like good question man you know a

01:16:47.900 lot of uh you'll see in the urban community do a lot of human taxidermy you've seen that recently a

01:16:51.920 lot of that stuff's been put out there like a brother at you know have him standing by the door at his

01:16:55.620 own funeral yeah that's awesome that's just pretty live he's putting a blunt in his fucking hand

01:17:00.000 yeah everyone yeah that's a good way black people do pretty dope shit like that like black people

01:17:04.180 are hella fearless i think when it comes to death white people are a lot more like traditional with

01:17:08.240 it i think yeah and black people sometimes will get a lot more uh avant-garde you know um those

01:17:15.680 african funerals those dudes are holding the casket like dancing and shit yeah shit's so hype

01:17:19.940 decent way to go ah isn't wasn't new orleans pretty cool about it oh yeah they have like parades and

01:17:24.960 shit yeah they got good second line parades and stuff like that for weddings and funerals you

01:17:28.800 know people will come out and celebrate you can hire these guys and they'll come out and play and

01:17:32.560 and everybody kind of gets these towels and you dance a little bit it's got a real that's actually

01:17:37.560 one of the funnest things especially if it's at a wedding you're rolling through the french court

01:17:40.080 and everybody's just letting it go and you're just like uh yeah it's a really good time man

01:17:45.640 everybody's out there in their tuxedos cruising to answer that guy's question the my girlfriend her dad

01:17:50.800 hunts like crazy like african animals so he's got like a taxidermy room of like all that shit like

01:17:57.600 the impala and all that and we're gonna i'm gonna get him i bet he's gonna give us two if he passes

01:18:02.840 away no he's giving them he's mailing them oh wow do you get to pick them out you already picked

01:18:06.680 them out i think they're ones he didn't like but they're awesome you know yeah i have two of those

01:18:11.640 in my apartment wow that's pretty cool man excited about it yeah it is nice yeah well i'm trying to

01:18:15.480 think i almost bought a buffalo not long ago i was price guy the man i thought was price gouging it

01:18:19.960 but it was a buffalo head that's awesome yeah we'll see i think i bet it's still there i thought

01:18:26.420 about driving by but um but that's something i thought about wait he's got it's in a store it's

01:18:30.620 in a store yeah yeah you notice different loves as you get older yeah definitely like the first time

01:18:36.260 you fall in love it's like crazy i was in college i was like yeah i was such a fucking weirdo

01:18:41.980 i was like emailing i was like emailing her should we get in a fight i'd be at work after

01:18:46.800 i'd be like you motherfucker oh yeah sending like crazy yeah yeah it was because email was like it was

01:18:52.920 almost like a text message back then yeah there was no i'd have to check my emails see if she got

01:18:58.500 back oh she didn't i'd send another email that'd be the worst yeah how about you are you in love

01:19:07.460 no i'm not in love i i've definitely have been in love um i would like to be in love again yeah

01:19:15.500 you know i think it definitely gets different it gets different when you're young that young love

01:19:21.480 man do you ever buy flowers for a girl anything like that do you ever do any crazy stuff like in

01:19:26.020 front of a group of people you're like dang that dude must be in love trying to think

01:19:29.360 i went to a basketball game once and like gave a flower to a girl at the game like when she was in

01:19:35.120 the stands i think i did that and it was like people were yelling you know people were yelling

01:19:40.880 the n-word dude i'd be on your ass like it was like i saw a dude do it yeah even though i have done

01:19:46.060 it if i saw someone else giving a flower to a girl i'd be like pussy it'd be so fun i think i'd be

01:19:54.720 young pussy yeah it got soft bro it was so crazy and i had so much acne at the time i was afraid to

01:20:02.900 move my face because i thought a lot of the acne would pop out of my skin that's crazy oh how'd it

01:20:08.640 go with the flower did she like it it went fine man yeah i feel like it doesn't work like anytime

01:20:13.080 you go crazy like that and like try to do an over-the-top romantic thing with a girl you're not

01:20:18.400 dating oh yeah like if you're like i want to date you i got you this bouquet yeah it's like no she's

01:20:26.340 not into oh dude they had uh i remember i used to work with this one guy named thomas and he sent

01:20:32.180 this girl is like the biggest cinnamon cake ever and i'm like what is a cinnamon cake first of all

01:20:37.620 and uh risk oh horrible rain and she thought he was insane yeah she he sent it to a bar she worked at

01:20:45.820 so she gets to her bar shift and there's a huge like somebody sent you this do you know thomas yeah

01:20:50.720 she's like barely you got me a cake

01:20:54.440 uh he has to sit there waiting like yeah i wonder how this is going he's probably loving that fucking

01:21:02.240 cake he just gets a text like never call me again fuck sitting back launching a cake and sitting back

01:21:12.140 and being like this is gonna go well and then never hearing from the woman again just drop it

01:21:19.980 you forget about it and now you can't even go to the bar anymore oh never again that's the craziest

01:21:25.680 never again that bar is gone yeah you gotta burn it down you gotta go that night and set fire to it

01:21:32.220 oh man i'm trying to think of anything of another time i wrote a poem to a girl once oh definitely in

01:21:39.240 like seventh grade yes here's this is the worst part this is like this is one of the most

01:21:44.540 embarrassing things i've ever done yeah it keeps me up at night today uh i wrote a bible verse on the

01:21:51.380 back of it and gave it to her and my friends found it before she got it or she got it and gave it to

01:21:57.280 my friends it was like look how weird this dude is i walked into school the next day my buddy was

01:22:02.080 holding it and i was like dude i'll fight you like teary-eyed i was like don't don't show that

01:22:09.200 to anyone and he already had and of course of course disaster bro a bible verse which one was

01:22:17.680 you remember yeah it was uh fuck so bad dude it was like song of songs it's like a love book oh yeah

01:22:24.300 the book of the bible that's about like people falling in love yeah bad dude sixth grade i was like

01:22:29.720 i love god yeah i loved being catholic in sixth grade god is my girlfriend dude that that guy i

01:22:35.940 remember that guy had a shirt it took a lot for me to tell you that oh dude well i'll tell you i used

01:22:40.060 to steal a fucking child's bike from my neighbor's yard and i would bike over to this girl's house it

01:22:46.820 was like four miles right yeah in the middle of the night to go over there and like just kind of suck

01:22:53.400 on her breasts for a while that's fucking great yeah but then i have to bike all the way back bro it

01:22:58.180 would take i'll do that today dude the whole bike four miles to suck tits pretty crazy my story

01:23:04.880 your story was awesome oh yeah my story was the most embarrassing thing i've ever done

01:23:09.240 you rode a bike to suck tits yeah that shit's awesome how old were you uh you were young that shit's

01:23:16.060 awesome oh uh no well uh i was probably yes 15 bro that's as good as it gets yeah god

01:23:26.980 those tits were good back then yeah remember how good a child tits if you were a child yeah of

01:23:34.260 course bro child on child tits what was that dude right when they got tits you were you were like

01:23:42.220 dude she's got the biggest tits in the class she's a whore dude that slut with the huge tits

01:23:47.440 oh look you had no idea what being a whore was you're like it's just whoever has the biggest tits

01:23:52.380 is a whore oh i remember i called my bus driver a dildo i heard the term and i didn't know what it

01:23:56.160 was and i was like you're such a dildo and then i had to go to the principal's office and the

01:24:00.700 principal beat us that's back when they used to beat you he could hit you know oh yeah they probably

01:24:04.260 kept that going in louisiana for a while right i think they stretched it out they went a little late

01:24:08.660 they got to like the obama administration yeah it was definitely extra inning on that but i remember

01:24:14.820 going to the principal's office man and he would freaking rat he oh he'd rattle he'd get that big

01:24:19.820 paddles yeah i remember the principals had paddles yeah it's what gave it's what gave them a lot of

01:24:26.120 their power too i felt like now they're fucking what are you gonna do what are you gonna do yeah

01:24:30.800 i'm italian yeah they don't have any real power nothing that's awesome i mean i can see how that worked

01:24:37.220 yeah having a fucking stick behind your desk threatening to hit a child did y'all have

01:24:42.660 different like clicks and stuff at y'all school yeah for sure yeah regular clicks although it was

01:24:49.000 a catholic school so you couldn't we had a uniform so it was hard to really express yourself yeah but

01:24:54.980 the goths found their way yeah they hit you with like some eyeliner or something yeah yeah but yeah

01:25:00.120 everybody's wearing the same fucking thing oh i actually liked it yeah i mean oh i i hated having

01:25:05.820 this jersey for three days yeah it's good i saw i did see it before it was the first time i wore it

01:25:11.900 last time oh good and i've never i've wanted to wear a jersey for a long time and you did and now

01:25:16.880 i'm doing it yeah i'm glad you did i'm overdoing it though so oh dude i'll tell you this one night

01:25:21.640 so i talked about this this girl i met at a coffee shop who i tried to like it got so embarrassing and

01:25:26.900 i'd ordered this omelet or whatever and then i'd still sit there and eat it even though like i had

01:25:31.300 like i tried to ask her out but i think i didn't get the words right and she said something and i

01:25:35.860 couldn't even hear it and then i got nervous and just walked away and so then i'm just sitting there

01:25:39.720 with this omelet and i had and i and the way i just just the pain of just sitting there eating

01:25:45.520 the omelet and it's just me and not hungry at all you're just getting rid of it the only reason i

01:25:50.120 went there was to talk to her and i couldn't do it all right anyway the next time i go back in there

01:25:54.600 i was like three months later um after everybody had eaten the cinnamon cake and uh she uh she's

01:26:02.020 like oh my gosh people called here and uh and even called my boss so and i was like wow that's crazy

01:26:09.440 that's awesome though yeah they're like you never should have divorced the rat king that's what they

01:26:14.440 said like divorce yeah it's crazy that's pretty hype dude that's wild um well shit man i know you got

01:26:22.700 a tour going on yeah you know i don't want to keep this thing alive any longer than it feels like

01:26:27.680 bro i'm so hot i feel bad bro dude congrats on all your success man and where can people if they

01:26:33.460 haven't seen your tour they want to come see you uh shane m gillis.com okay yeah excellent yeah go

01:26:39.680 check out shane if you haven't seen him um you know there's just nothing like him i think there's

01:26:45.640 nothing like watching somebody who's having so much fun uh and that's what i noticed when i'm

01:26:51.620 watching you man and uh yeah thanks for coming and hanging out man i appreciate it you're the man

01:26:55.000 gang baby

01:26:55.660 now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i must be

01:27:03.540 cornerstone

01:27:05.780 oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can feel it

01:27:14.560 in my bones

01:27:16.660 in my bones

01:27:16.680 but it's gonna take

01:27:19.600 a little time

01:27:22.320 for me to set that parking brake

01:27:26.220 and let myself unwind

01:27:28.940 shine that light on me

01:27:32.940 i'll sit and tell you my stories

01:27:38.640 shine on me

01:27:43.020 and i will find a song i will sing it just for you

01:27:51.520 and now i've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past

01:28:03.680 ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll be

01:28:21.060 sharing thoughts on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your

01:28:26.180 partner the answer may shock you sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i won't and as

01:28:33.020 always i'll be joined by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages a lot of people are

01:28:39.880 talking about kite club i've been talking about kite club for so long longer than anybody else

01:28:45.660 so great

01:28:46.480 hi

01:28:47.440 swia

01:28:48.200 easy deal

01:28:49.520 anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker

01:28:54.000 jermaine

01:28:54.700 hi i'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a mcflurry

01:28:59.020 sorry sir but our ice cream machine is broken

01:29:00.860 i think tom hanks just butt dialed me

01:29:05.820 anyway first rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club second rule of kite club is tell

01:29:12.280 everyone about kite club third rule like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or

01:29:18.280 watch us on youtube yeah and yes don't worry my brad pitt impression will get better

01:29:23.240 see you in the next

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 03, 2022

E391 Shane Gillis

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