This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 17, 2022


E393 Maui Milkshake

Topics
handshakes tour dates titty milk failure
Hosted by
Theo Von
Guests
Maui Milkshake
Mentioned
David Manuel Chris Goss Jeremy Tyler Andy Dufresne Covington Charles Paella Jerry Alex Dang Trauma Restoration Man Alyssa Chitty David Main Lewis Drive Tim Dillon Tom Hanks Stonekeepers Rochambeau Manscaped and 19 more
E392 Trauma Restoration Man E394 Yannis Pappas

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 8 minutes

Words per minute

156.11

Word count

10,686

Sentence count

1,035

Harmful content

Misogyny

42

sentences flagged

Toxicity

202

sentences flagged

Hate speech

38

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

We re back with a brand new episode of That s A Light by Stone Keepers featuring David Manuai! This week, we re talking about how to shake hands, and how to not feel out of place when you do it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.
00:00:02.300 Rocky's vacation, here we come.
00:00:05.060 Whoa, is this economy?
00:00:07.180 Free beer, wine, and snacks.
00:00:09.620 Sweet! 0.95
00:00:10.720 Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.
00:00:14.760 And with live TV, I'm not missing the game.
00:00:17.800 It's kind of like, I'm already on vacation.
00:00:20.980 Nice! 0.94
00:00:22.140 On behalf of Air Canada, nice travels.
00:00:25.260 Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on Equipped Flight.
00:00:27.340 Sponsored by Bell. Conditions apply.
00:00:28.580 See AirCanada.com.
00:00:30.000 I like this one.
00:00:38.980 Whenever you're down, out in the cold.
00:00:44.400 Come on.
00:00:44.680 Faithless and dark, your story's untold.
00:00:50.960 Come take my hand and walk with me.
00:00:55.900 I know a place where we can be free.
00:01:01.500 There is a light shining for you.
00:01:07.580 Guiding your pain.
00:01:10.180 Helping you through.
00:01:13.060 Shadows and gloom are all that you'll see.
00:01:18.660 We'll find a place where we can be free.
00:01:23.900 There is a light.
00:01:27.500 And that, yeah, that is, uh, there is a light.
00:01:31.280 We played it a month ago on there, right around Easter.
00:01:35.780 On that, uh, belated bunny episode, we played that there is a light.
00:01:39.720 A light by stone keepers featuring David Manway.
00:01:45.320 Manu, Manu, Manuai, Manuai, Manuai, Manuai, something.
00:01:51.060 Um, yeah, look, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's, uh, middle of May.
00:01:58.560 And, um, a lot going on in the world.
00:02:03.860 It's springtime, baby.
00:02:05.200 You know, you could hear the bees in the distance.
00:02:07.100 They're out there.
00:02:08.480 They out there honey hunting them bees, baby. 0.77
00:02:10.700 You can hear them.
00:02:12.200 You can hear that buzz, baby.
00:02:14.880 You can hear just Mother Nature just trying to just, just trying to skeet all over the place.
00:02:21.160 You know, it just, it's pretty romantic, actually, if you fall asleep, put your ear by the wind before you go to bed.
00:02:28.560 You can hear them.
00:02:29.820 I mean, you just, the bees are up at night.
00:02:32.760 They just, everything's just trying to bloom and bust and, and just go on dates and just everything. 0.96
00:02:40.800 I mean, it is damn senior prom for Mother Nature right now, baby. 0.87
00:02:44.500 We are in the midst of spring. 0.96
00:02:48.740 Yeah, and I just got back from, uh, Maui.
00:02:51.600 I went on a small vacation for myself, uh, to get, just get my, just.
00:02:58.560 Just let my credentials get in order.
00:03:01.540 Just let the, just to let the sand settle inside of me a little bit.
00:03:07.560 And, um, and it felt good.
00:03:09.820 You know, if you've never been to Maui, you got to go there.
00:03:12.520 I mean, it's a lot of honeymooners.
00:03:15.140 So that was, you know, there's a lot of people holding hands and then some, sometimes everybody was holding hands so much.
00:03:21.020 I found I would just put one of my hands out and then just hold, just hold it with the other hand.
00:03:26.360 Just so I didn't feel out of place sometimes.
00:03:29.640 And so, you know, I kind of walked around like a lot of, uh, you know, you know, a lot of religious guys will do that too.
00:03:38.680 They'll shake your hand.
00:03:39.400 They put the other hand on top of it.
00:03:40.980 They make that little hand, uh, hand, hand sandwich kind of out of, you know, just thank you for coming.
00:03:48.740 You know, people do that a lot of times at funerals.
00:03:51.700 They put, they just shake the hand and they put the other hand on.
00:03:54.100 They double, there you go.
00:03:55.620 Just a little hand threesome right there. 1.00
00:03:57.460 Just thank you for coming.
00:03:59.020 You know, people will do that when they just double hand you.
00:04:01.560 The first time it ever happens usually is at a church that somebody, somebody will double hand you like, damn, what happened, you know, especially I remember being young and just learning to shake hands. 0.85
00:04:13.020 You didn't know exactly how to, you know, sometimes I'd put my hand in backwards and just fucking just, you know, I'd put my thumb facing down and whoever was shaking your hand didn't know what the hell to do. 0.99
00:04:25.160 You know, the guy just, sometimes he just loses, just, he'd come out the damn closet. 0.93
00:04:29.160 He didn't even know what was happening, you know, just cause if you, if you put your hand out and just the thumb is, it just blows somebody's mind in a handshake. 0.91
00:04:37.520 It's really, you can just really, somebody who's just been going through life, very organized, shaking hands. 0.98
00:04:46.560 You hit them with that upside down handshake and they just fucking, they can't handle it. 0.99
00:04:51.560 You know, they'll damn, you know, they'll fucking get a divorce. 1.00
00:04:55.300 They don't know. 1.00
00:04:55.660 They just don't know what's going on.
00:04:57.140 Um, and then you, when you're, when you're growing up, handshaking is such a, man, I remember when I first, somebody like, well, shake their hand.
00:05:07.460 They, you know, your mom tells you shake their hand and you don't, you know, you suddenly need to put your hand out that you don't know at first.
00:05:14.580 And then, and then one time my dad introduced me to somebody and the guy shook my hand so hard. 1.00
00:05:21.480 And I remember thinking, all right, motherfucker, all right, boy, I'll fucking punch your little kid in the neck. 1.00
00:05:29.980 When I see him, I just remember just thinking, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to get these bitches back. 1.00
00:05:35.700 This shit ain't over. 0.99
00:05:36.800 I remember that the guy, my dad introduced me to the guy and the guy just shook my, my hand so hard. 1.00
00:05:42.060 And I just remember thinking, all right, bitch, this shit ain't over. 1.00
00:05:47.140 And I had just, I, you know, just a lot, you know, so much happens in a handshake, especially when you're learning the ropes of handshaking. 0.99
00:05:57.800 It's a crazy time for a young fella or young woman. 0.95
00:06:05.980 So then when you shake somebody's hand and they do the dub, when they, they do this regular handshake, and then they put their hand on top of your, on the back of your hand.
00:06:15.600 And they're just running a train on your hand with their hands.
00:06:18.420 It's just, it's too much.
00:06:20.680 You're like, what?
00:06:21.880 I didn't know we could do that.
00:06:24.180 I thought you could only do one.
00:06:25.440 And just the rules keep changing, you know, you're like, I thought we could only do one hand.
00:06:30.380 And this dude's tagging in his partner.
00:06:32.940 This dang, you know, this guy's, you know, the Steiner brothers, every, I thought, you know, it was just a, um, a cage match. 0.99
00:06:41.500 And he's running a damn Royal Rumbel on my hands. 0.92
00:06:45.040 It just, uh, I remember this, just the slippery slopes of shaking hands and of learning what it was all like. 0.98
00:06:55.440 And that was kind of interesting to me.
00:06:59.380 And then I dated a gal for a while that would do a hard handshake. 1.00
00:07:02.760 And I'm like, oh, I didn't want to introduce her to people.
00:07:05.620 Because I knew she'd just be rattling them. 0.97
00:07:09.060 Just, you know, just damn, just, you know, testing their joints. 0.98
00:07:13.720 Every time you freaking introduced her to somebody, she would just test their joints, it felt like. 0.99
00:07:22.400 Just, uh, that was tough.
00:07:26.120 Jesus, I remember that.
00:07:27.180 That was tough.
00:07:28.060 Um, anyway, what's going on?
00:07:31.940 I'll get into it.
00:07:32.600 I went over to, um, to Maui, Hawaii to have a vacation for myself.
00:07:36.520 And, um, and man, it just, it's so nice.
00:07:40.560 And we got some beautiful calls that came in.
00:07:42.820 We'll get into a little bit of the news. 0.99
00:07:44.920 And, uh, yeah, just living today, baby living and just letting the Lord just hold my ass. 0.87
00:07:54.020 Um, I want to let you know these tour dates this week, actually. 0.96
00:07:58.740 Uh, Wednesday, I'll be in Albuquerque.
00:08:01.040 Um, uh, New Mexico.
00:08:02.860 Thursday, I'll be in Midland, Midland, Texas.
00:08:06.660 Uh, Friday, May 20th, I'll be in Lubbock, Texas.
00:08:09.960 And then, uh, May 21st, I'll be in Dallas, Texas.
00:08:13.880 The following, uh, beginning of June 2nd, Savannah, Georgia.
00:08:19.120 If you have friends over there, tell them to come through.
00:08:22.420 Augusta, Georgia, June 3rd.
00:08:24.200 Montgomery, Alabama, June 4th.
00:08:27.500 And Columbus, GA, June 5th.
00:08:31.300 Um, then I'll be in Florida, June 23rd through the 26th.
00:08:35.340 Hollywood, Florida.
00:08:37.120 Fort Myers.
00:08:38.860 Daytona Beach.
00:08:40.620 And Lakeland, Florida.
00:08:42.960 And that's all in June.
00:08:44.540 Go to Theovon.com slash T-O-U-R to get those tickets.
00:08:49.740 Go through those links.
00:08:51.420 Don't let them get you on that secondary market.
00:08:54.020 You know, those secondary tickets, you know, they might have fentanyl in them.
00:08:58.580 You don't know.
00:09:00.200 You don't know what's in them.
00:09:01.460 Um, so we just want you to get that firsthand, uh, at the, you know, uh, fair price tickets.
00:09:11.000 What else?
00:09:11.780 Oh, yeah.
00:09:12.960 I went over to, we had some great shows out in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
00:09:15.980 Uh, and man, I just want to thank everybody that came through there.
00:09:19.780 That place had been, it had been sold out for months, they said.
00:09:24.240 And, uh, the staff there was all excited and, um, yeah, I got into town over there.
00:09:32.880 I was feeling a little rattled.
00:09:33.940 Um, so I went and hit an AA meeting right before the show over there off of Lewis Drive over there.
00:09:41.900 They got a spot over there.
00:09:43.360 I think the Unanimity Club or something deal.
00:09:46.140 And I went over there with my shady ass handshake and just, you know, that hand, it's just, if somebody teaches you wrong how to hand, you just, you know, it just is interesting how somebody, that's the first thing they teach you.
00:10:04.580 You know, it's just, uh, you know, it's just interesting.
00:10:09.840 Um, yeah, just a beautiful time over there in, um, in Tulsa and the staff, they said, you know, that that show had been sold out for months.
00:10:20.280 And, uh, it was just a lot of good people.
00:10:23.660 I met three guys named Tyler in the lobby in a row.
00:10:28.700 I went down before the show to get me a little burger or something, you know, a little while I didn't know what I wanted.
00:10:34.300 And that's the worst, the worst thing to do is wander downstairs into a casino, not sure what you want.
00:10:41.920 Cause you could end up with anything, son.
00:10:44.160 You could end up with a little bit of, uh, hamburger. 0.99
00:10:47.560 You could end up with a damn, uh, debt. 1.00
00:10:50.600 You could end up with a hooker. 1.00
00:10:53.520 You could end up with, uh, gay men chasing you, men hookers. 0.99
00:10:58.460 So I think that has to be a new rule for me is, but when I leave a hotel room to have a plan in a, uh, casino, but yeah, I went down there and met three Tylers in a row. 1.00
00:11:11.200 I said, well, damn, too bad this, you know, that it's not a human slot machine where you get three Tylers and you win something.
00:11:19.080 Cause I met three Tylers in a row. 1.00
00:11:21.640 Boom, boom, boom.
00:11:22.560 Tyler, Tyler, Tyler.
00:11:24.000 Hey, my name's Tyler.
00:11:25.400 Hey, I'm Tyler.
00:11:26.060 Guess what?
00:11:27.860 Tyler.
00:11:29.140 So it was just triple Tylers, man, right out the gate over there. 1.00
00:11:32.440 And, uh, yeah, I wish I'd gotten to meet everybody that came out.
00:11:36.100 We stayed after and met a, met a, met some people that milled around in the lobby.
00:11:40.320 And, uh, I'm grateful for that.
00:11:43.680 Um, and then we went on, oh, Los Angeles.
00:11:48.700 Dude, that was crazy.
00:11:50.740 Uh, that was, that was crazy.
00:11:55.480 I mean, the crowds were so, um, 0.98
00:11:57.860 Um, it was during the Netflix is a joke festival and Netflix didn't do shit for us. 0.98
00:12:04.780 So I want to thank everybody that came out and supported, uh, Netflix did all the advertising for so many other acts and they didn't give us shit. 0.97
00:12:13.060 And, uh, and our crowd came out and showed love, man.
00:12:17.700 So thank you guys.
00:12:19.600 Um, that meant a lot to me. 0.52
00:12:22.160 Um, and those shows, damn, just, you know, they had a dude in there, uh, who kept trying to show me his tattoo during the show. 0.97
00:12:32.520 This guy had a tattoo on his back of angel wings. 0.99
00:12:37.760 And the whole time he's trying to show me the tattoo.
00:12:40.440 And I'm just thinking, finally, I kind of see what he's saying.
00:12:44.620 And I'm like, all of this. 0.99
00:12:47.120 And I don't give a fuck, bro. 0.99
00:12:49.320 You know what I'm saying? 0.99
00:12:49.880 Like, that was a, like, I'm glad you got it. 0.99
00:12:52.500 But damn, dude, you know, like, you don't have to, this is the, this is in the time and place for all this, dude. 0.98
00:13:00.380 The guy kept trying, he kept like kind of giving these hand motions and pulling his shirt. 0.99
00:13:04.520 I didn't know what he was doing.
00:13:06.000 I don't know if he was doing laundry.
00:13:07.680 I didn't know what the guy was doing, but none of it made any sense.
00:13:11.740 And then finally, his buddy, this little guy with him who looked like he had, um, the buddy looked like somebody had smoked, had smoked him.
00:13:21.800 It looked like somebody had taken his friend and put him in a pipe and took a couple hits off him.
00:13:27.380 You know, the dude just looked a little crisp, a little crisp out.
00:13:31.900 Uh, and I think he even had like kind of burn marks, not like on his skin, but it's on his clothes.
00:13:36.600 It was like somebody had, um, tried to, you know, do like a maybe small campfire or something, like right next to him.
00:13:44.460 Like he had that kind of vibe, you know. 0.98
00:13:46.040 But anyway, that guy finally pulled up his buddy's shirt and he's pointing at, like, I don't, I don't, and that's when I realized I don't give a fuck about that. 0.80
00:13:55.480 Like, there's a lot of things I do want to care about, but seeing a grown man's angel wing tats is not, that is nowhere on my list of, uh, things that I really want to care about. 0.71
00:14:09.380 But, but yeah, thank you to everybody that came out, man, and showed love.
00:14:13.800 And, um, those, those shows were nuts.
00:14:17.300 They were just, people were cheering so much.
00:14:20.740 It was like hard to even pay attention.
00:14:22.660 I didn't, there were times where I turned around and looked behind me.
00:14:26.980 I thought there was something, like there was a football game going on behind me.
00:14:30.920 It was just, it was live, man.
00:14:32.820 It was really live.
00:14:34.800 Um, what else occurred?
00:14:40.080 Oh, I'll tell you about this, man.
00:14:41.960 So, oh, I went over to Maui and if you haven't been to Maui, then you got to do it.
00:14:53.100 You know, one of the nice things is the place shuts down early.
00:14:56.220 So nine o'clock, you're in bed.
00:14:58.460 Everybody's in bed.
00:15:00.500 You can feel the, everybody is in bed. 0.99
00:15:03.540 There ain't, every bed, you can hear like, every bed is just eaten, you know, because somebody filled that bitch up. 1.00
00:15:13.020 Every bed in the joint has got some, something in its tummy, dude. 0.98
00:15:17.800 Something human just lodged right in the middle of it.
00:15:20.300 And it just feels, uh, there's a huge relaxation to it.
00:15:26.140 Um, oh, and then this, this happened.
00:15:29.140 Um, you know, sometimes like you run, you run into guys, uh, and it's great.
00:15:36.260 But sometimes when you're in a hotel, you're, or any place you're going to be for a long time, you could run into the guy countless times, you know, repetitionally.
00:15:45.280 And so this fell, I'm at this hotel the second day and this guy says, what's up?
00:15:50.860 He's, uh, he's, uh, he's a nice guy being real friendly.
00:15:57.700 And, um, and then finally he goes, Hey man, the conversation had kind of gotten where there wasn't much left to say, which is okay.
00:16:07.640 That's when you, everybody kind of goes their separate ways.
00:16:10.840 And he goes, Hey man, I'm going to give you, uh, I'm going to give you six guesses what my name is. 1.00
00:16:17.920 And I'm like, Oh fuck, oh fuck. 0.99
00:16:22.340 Cause I don't want to do that. 1.00
00:16:25.240 I don't want that, man.
00:16:27.640 I'm, I don't want that.
00:16:30.980 You know, I don't want, I want no guesses.
00:16:34.420 How many, how much, what names the man is, but you know, I guess there, there's a part of me that likes games, I guess.
00:16:44.400 So I said, Alex and, uh, and he goes, no, but that's close.
00:16:53.400 And he goes, I'll give you three extra guesses. 0.99
00:16:55.800 And I'm like, Oh fuck dude. 1.00
00:16:58.120 I don't want that. 1.00
00:17:01.380 I don't want that man.
00:17:03.960 I don't want that extra guesses.
00:17:05.880 I don't, so now I have nine guesses minus one.
00:17:09.720 Now I have eight guesses what this guy's name is.
00:17:13.420 And I don't want no guesses.
00:17:17.100 Um, so anyway, he goes in, you don't have to guess again right now.
00:17:21.280 I'll see you around the way.
00:17:22.940 Right.
00:17:23.200 Cause he worked at the place.
00:17:25.480 So dude, I kept, I ran into this guy.
00:17:29.240 I ran into this guy, uh, I mean, I ran into this guy 30 more times over the week and it was just a nightmare.
00:17:41.340 And finally, you know, I guessed like I did like two other guesses because there was, you know, one day I had already done my word or whatever.
00:17:47.560 And so I was like, Oh, I need a game to play. 0.87
00:17:49.660 And he fucking wandered up and he always wandered up. 0.99
00:17:52.840 I mean, he would wander up on a damn wind, you know, I mean, somebody would cough a few feet away and he'd, he'd, he'd wander right up out of their damn esophagus. 0.99
00:18:02.480 This dude wandered up, you know, he was the kind of guy that wandered up. 0.99
00:18:06.880 So finally I'm trying to guess.
00:18:09.620 And, uh, I'm like, Tyler, is it Tyler?
00:18:12.840 Um, the guy tells me that his name is galaxy.
00:18:18.340 And that's why Alex was close.
00:18:20.560 And at that point I knew it was time to leave, man.
00:18:26.380 It was time to leave, bro.
00:18:28.440 That's when, that's when it's time to go.
00:18:32.900 So, um, what else happened there?
00:18:35.920 Beautiful place.
00:18:36.720 If you've never been to Maui, you need to go.
00:18:39.380 Um, and you need to also, they have a place there, Mama's Fish House. 0.70
00:18:44.660 Oh, there.
00:18:46.120 Up near Paella or Paella.
00:18:48.220 You roll up there and do you got to know, like there was no reservation.
00:18:53.440 So I'll call a few times.
00:18:54.780 There's no reservation.
00:18:56.320 And then, so I was up there anyway, looking for a swimming hole where I picked up a hitchhiker.
00:19:02.960 Last time I was there, I pick up a hitchhiker and, uh, cause I love hitchhikers, baby.
00:19:08.140 Now that's a game.
00:19:09.040 That's a game show.
00:19:09.840 So you want to do a game show, pick up a hitchhiker and see what God wants for you.
00:19:19.080 Um, cause that's the devil's Rochambeau, baby.
00:19:22.860 Hitchhikers? 1.00
00:19:23.720 Yeah, man.
00:19:25.580 Yeah, man.
00:19:28.740 So anyway, man.
00:19:30.340 Uh, yeah.
00:19:32.040 What was I talking about?
00:19:33.060 Uh, Jeremy, what was I talking about?
00:19:35.500 Do you know, uh, like before Maui?
00:19:38.340 Yeah.
00:19:39.220 Oh no.
00:19:41.140 Yeah.
00:19:41.420 I don't know when I was talking about anything, but, um, oh, I'll tell you this, man.
00:19:45.520 Uh, I got it.
00:19:46.500 Thanks, Jerry.
00:19:47.600 We got Jeremy in here helping out today.
00:19:50.120 Um, grateful that he's here.
00:19:52.660 Uh, oh, a man died, bro.
00:19:59.700 A man died.
00:20:01.120 Um, so I'm at breakfast, right?
00:20:05.520 I'm at breakfast one morning and, and, uh, and the place I'm staying at, man, I treated
00:20:12.760 myself.
00:20:13.420 The place I'm staying was pretty nice, dude.
00:20:15.660 They had like a, uh, concierge breakfast. 0.91
00:20:18.200 So you go down there, you know, and it's fucking, you know, I don't know who the concierge 0.98
00:20:23.120 was, but I'll tell you this, his wife can cook. 1.00
00:20:25.840 I'll say that.
00:20:26.960 Cause they had it, bro.
00:20:28.560 They had it.
00:20:29.340 Um, and they got Hawaii, you know who it is, man.
00:20:32.420 They got a lot of beautiful, I mean, it's Asia, but it's more like, uh, it's like those 1.00
00:20:37.240 pineapple Asians, baby.
00:20:38.700 You know what I'm saying?
00:20:39.540 And they know their smile first over there.
00:20:42.780 Their smile first baby.
00:20:44.940 And, uh, just beautiful culture.
00:20:47.140 God, beautiful culture, man.
00:20:48.740 And they're also the native Americans of the Island.
00:20:52.180 People don't realize that Hawaiian people.
00:20:55.780 They're like the Indian. 1.00
00:20:57.040 They're the sun.
00:20:57.980 They're like the, um, they're really, they're those saltwater Indians, baby. 0.82
00:21:03.840 They're over there.
00:21:05.020 There's those, uh, you know, those, uh, volcano.
00:21:11.160 They're the volcano, um, forefathers.
00:21:15.200 I mean, those people are over there. 0.96
00:21:16.940 Anybody that can do sex on the side of a volcano, bro, that is, I've done drugs and I've tried 0.98
00:21:28.560 to get erect on, uh, when I was, you know, on half an eight ball, right? 0.97
00:21:33.540 Which is impossible, dude.
00:21:35.380 I remember one time, uh, like just, uh, I've done some tough things to try to get erect,
00:21:46.020 but I, uh, what was I talking about? 0.65
00:21:48.800 Oh, but anybody that's brave enough to do, do some serious fornicating on the side of 0.99
00:21:57.240 a volcano, bro, hats off to those people, son, hats off, son.
00:22:05.660 So yeah, shout out to beautiful Hawaiians, bro.
00:22:08.800 They, that right there, they should win an award or whatever.
00:22:11.460 You know, if the president don't give out that award, you know, the volcano, cause also 1.00
00:22:17.000 you're, you're doing sex on a damn, uh, it, you're on a damn gradient against lava. 0.99
00:22:25.340 It's, I mean, that's, that's, that they deserve an award. 1.00
00:22:33.140 Um, but oh, at breakfast, a guy died, bro.
00:22:37.380 A guy.
00:22:38.640 Oh, I can't even believe it.
00:22:41.540 That laugh just came out of me.
00:22:42.760 And that was, that's Satan, bro.
00:22:45.880 Um, but a guy died at breakfast.
00:22:47.900 A guy met his maker and I don't know what he was having.
00:22:50.560 I didn't get a look at his plate, but, uh, my friend had joined me.
00:22:57.840 We're sitting over there and we are, um, you know, she was doing a crossword or doing
00:23:04.940 whatever brought her some joy.
00:23:06.580 And there's a rambunction in the corner.
00:23:10.460 And I didn't know what it was.
00:23:11.800 I thought maybe it was one of those, uh, Charles and, uh, you know, Charles and Charlie's or
00:23:18.500 whatever, where they shake the guy's neck and they put the liquor in his face and they
00:23:22.080 shake your stepdad's neck or whatever until he can't even breathe or something. 0.97
00:23:25.520 And then they call it, you know, they're like, uh, Hey, here you go, fatty. 0.85
00:23:29.480 You know, they say stuff like that to him, but they put the liquor in his mouth and they 1.00
00:23:32.340 got the whistle and shit. 0.99
00:23:33.480 And then they, you know, put, take a picture or whatever. 0.98
00:23:36.540 And they put, sell you like a magnet or whatever.
00:23:38.460 I thought it was that kind of thing.
00:23:39.720 Cause there's like a big rambunction, but then I look over and they're yelling, somebody's
00:23:45.260 yelling nine one one.
00:23:46.500 And I'm like, that is, that's old fashioned.
00:23:49.600 That doesn't even make any sense really.
00:23:50.580 But, um, but then other people realized, Oh, call nine one one.
00:23:54.740 So, cause some guys just yelling nine one one, nine one one.
00:23:57.860 I'm like, Oh man, I don't know.
00:24:01.760 I guess that's, I mean, it's definitely how it works, but it's a, just an older way of
00:24:06.280 doing it.
00:24:07.140 So anyway, people started calling nine one one and then they just asked it. 0.99
00:24:11.400 Anybody be a doctor here and do, when you're sitting there as a man, you're like, damn, 0.99
00:24:16.620 you realize you have no skills, bro. 0.99
00:24:20.980 That's what I realized. 0.99
00:24:22.220 Anyway, I'm like, damn, they, somebody there, they had the man on the ground. 0.98
00:24:26.940 And then, Oh, I mean, this brave guy came over and, uh, and he's suddenly the bravest 0.97
00:24:33.620 dude in the room.
00:24:34.500 Cause he knew skills to do CPR.
00:24:37.920 So he's doing it.
00:24:39.140 There's a nurse lady there. 1.00
00:24:40.540 She's doing it and they're just helping.
00:24:43.180 And then the rest of us are just sitting there.
00:24:46.840 And I just felt like, Oh man, I don't.
00:24:50.580 I don't have any life saving skills.
00:24:55.040 Um, and there's something about that.
00:24:57.660 It hits you. 0.97
00:24:58.280 You're like, damn, all the things I've learned and I haven't learned this scale. 0.99
00:25:03.300 I haven't learned a real. 0.99
00:25:05.360 And the worst part, Oh, here's the worst part.
00:25:08.000 So they're over there.
00:25:08.820 They say they got, they're bringing him back.
00:25:10.360 And he goes back to the other side.
00:25:11.920 I mean, he's just playing red Rover with the devil over there, you know, or with the Lord.
00:25:15.820 I don't know his backstory, but that guy is just, they're like, you know, send, you know,
00:25:20.180 Andy or whatever, you know, red Rover, you know, send and, and they're just, he's going
00:25:24.160 back.
00:25:24.520 He's in and out and in and out.
00:25:26.040 And they're like, we're losing and we're gaining and we're losing and we're gaining
00:25:29.000 them.
00:25:29.840 And, um, and I didn't know what to do, dude.
00:25:33.120 And then this is the saddest part.
00:25:34.860 I just started eating again.
00:25:39.140 And I'm like, Oh my God, am I the kind of guy that just eats when somebody's dying?
00:25:45.300 Oh man.
00:25:46.600 And so that kind of broke my heart.
00:25:48.480 I'm like, and I remember just like, I cut into this sausage patty and I'm like, there's
00:25:54.280 no way you're going to eat right now.
00:25:55.980 Right?
00:25:57.160 Cause there was like, it was obvious.
00:25:58.780 There was like a group of people that had gone over to help.
00:26:01.240 And if you can't help, you got to stay out the way.
00:26:03.340 You can't be over there just, you know, lighting candles or like, you know, somebody was there
00:26:09.180 with his wife.
00:26:09.980 So everything, you know, all the corners were kind of covered and I said a few prayers, but
00:26:15.640 then I just started eating this sausage patty, dude. 0.99
00:26:23.700 And it fuck, honestly, man, it broke my heart. 0.99
00:26:27.400 I'm like, do I, I don't know. 0.99
00:26:31.240 It just, uh, there was something about it.
00:26:33.060 It was just a lot, man.
00:26:34.340 I'm like, oh, and I had one bite and I'm like, there's no way I'm gonna have another
00:26:38.400 bite. 0.98
00:26:38.900 Cause you can hear them doing the CPR.
00:26:41.400 And then I had another bite and I'm like, oh my God, bro, just stop eating.
00:26:51.900 Just stop eating.
00:26:53.080 If there's any time where God is looking down at the earth to see what's happening.
00:26:58.420 It's when somebody's transporting through, you know, the portal between life and death
00:27:04.780 is open here.
00:27:05.940 And this guy is about to fricking Andy Dufresne his way up there.
00:27:11.080 And I'm sitting there eating, bro.
00:27:15.420 Oh, it was so bad, man.
00:27:20.240 Oh, it just felt weird.
00:27:21.620 So, so that was that, bro.
00:27:26.060 Uh, I want to let you know that, uh, your brain gets bad sometimes if you don't exercise
00:27:30.800 and people say, well, that's not backed by science.
00:27:33.600 I'll tell you what it is backed by science.
00:27:35.480 And what's my proof?
00:27:36.920 I've done that and I've lived that and you know it.
00:27:38.980 So who are we lying to?
00:27:39.980 Who are we talking about?
00:27:41.760 But I, what I want to tell you is having a routine helps as well.
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00:30:25.960 But man, I just love, I love the people. 0.99
00:30:28.700 I love the energy.
00:30:30.580 You know, just the kindness of the local Hawaiian people, the culture.
00:30:37.200 You know, it really does make you look back and wonder if like people taking over lands
00:30:43.620 and like colonizing, just what it all, what it did to the nature of everything.
00:30:47.860 How much it disoriented that, uh, the heartbeat, the original heartbeat of nature.
00:30:57.980 And how much it all got rattled off, you know, and how much it got distorted and reverbed and
00:31:07.840 just, you know, unequalized and all of that, whatever.
00:31:13.200 I don't know all the audio terms, but it makes you wonder, you know, uh, and I'm not dis, you
00:31:23.060 know, I'm not saying nothing bad if, you know, for anybody that's, I mean, whatever happened
00:31:28.860 in the past happened, but it does when you, you know, when you're in a place like Hawaii,
00:31:34.340 dog, or Maui, you don't, it's like, you know, you're just so close to nature. 0.97
00:31:44.040 It's like, you're just fucking, it's like you're in a damn hammock and each end of the 1.00
00:31:49.160 hammock is one of nature's nuts, bro. 1.00
00:31:51.040 And you're just right there. 1.00
00:31:52.640 God, you feel like a damn dinosaur could come and clean your ass with its paw. 1.00
00:31:56.140 God, that's Maui, man. 1.00
00:31:58.900 You right there, you right there, baby.
00:32:03.740 And they got shave ice and everybody's just, you know, somebody be dying and they're just
00:32:08.840 like, Hey, surf's up, you know, just like you're dying.
00:32:13.000 Like doesn't matter almost.
00:32:14.400 I'm out of here, you know?
00:32:17.100 So anyway, beautiful vibe over there.
00:32:19.160 And, um, and yeah, that's what was going on in, uh, in Maui.
00:32:24.400 I was grateful to be over there, uh, didn't do any shows, um, but thoroughly enjoyed myself.
00:32:30.840 And, uh, yeah.
00:32:33.120 And just grateful to people that came out, uh, to the shows that we did have in, uh, in
00:32:38.540 Tulsa.
00:32:39.260 And we, we popped in Oklahoma city just for a short one over there.
00:32:43.260 Um, and then, um, the one in Los Angeles, but let's get into the news, man.
00:32:50.300 We've got some beautiful calls that came in from you guys and let's get into the news.
00:32:54.080 What do you got over there, brother?
00:32:56.140 Let's see.
00:32:56.620 We got the story, uh, couple robbed of $19,000 in watches, suspect flees in a Rolls Royce.
00:33:03.500 This happened in Los Angeles.
00:33:05.540 There you go.
00:33:06.300 Did it say where in Los Angeles?
00:33:08.060 West Hollywood.
00:33:08.840 It looks like Hollywood, baby.
00:33:10.980 Well, one of the issues that we deal with in Hollywood, uh, is in Hollywood, you can't
00:33:17.720 protect yourself anymore.
00:33:19.360 If you have a weapon, somebody makes, writes an article, Oh, this person had a weapon, you
00:33:23.980 know?
00:33:24.160 And you're like, Oh, anybody trying to defend themselves or take care of themselves in
00:33:30.080 Hollywood is looked down upon.
00:33:33.120 Oh, you got a frying pan.
00:33:35.220 Oh, you got, Oh no, that's an egg weapon.
00:33:38.260 That's a, what are you doing to eggs?
00:33:40.420 Are you mistreating eggs in the morning?
00:33:44.180 Like Mitch, it's a frying pan.
00:33:47.340 Everything in this city, you can't have nothing.
00:33:50.780 Everything in Hollywood, you can't have nothing.
00:33:53.300 They'll come.
00:33:53.860 Oh, you, Oh, you got a strong chin.
00:33:56.960 You better check that at the airport. 0.98
00:33:59.760 I had a black friend.
00:34:00.980 I brought a black friend somewhere the other day.
00:34:03.140 They're like, do you have a permit for that guy?
00:34:05.320 I said, that's Andre, bro.
00:34:07.680 What are you?
00:34:08.240 What?
00:34:09.780 You can't have, everything is dangerous here.
00:34:13.900 Everything is dangerous, man.
00:34:15.860 Hollywood.
00:34:16.460 I just never met a place like that.
00:34:19.960 So if the, if rich people are starting to pop off on rich people, I'll look, I'll buy a
00:34:26.640 front row.
00:34:27.240 I'll watch that on zoom.
00:34:29.400 That's where I'm at with it.
00:34:30.900 I, it's about time, man.
00:34:33.200 I'm tired of poor people having to do all the fighting.
00:34:37.300 Uh, I'm ready.
00:34:39.000 So if I, the rich versus the rich, baby, let's go.
00:34:43.180 I'm here for that.
00:34:44.480 What else do we have here?
00:34:46.080 Uh, Jerry, what else we got?
00:34:48.300 Fired Arby's manager admits to urinating at least twice in milkshake mix.
00:34:53.280 Police say, Hmm.
00:34:55.140 This took place in Vancouver, Washington.
00:34:58.940 Okay.
00:34:59.660 And look, let's be, we knew this was happening.
00:35:03.240 We, there's nobody who lays their head down at night on any decent pillow and says honestly
00:35:13.540 to themselves that Arby's employees are not urinating in the beverages.
00:35:26.340 There's no, if you're honest with yourself, you laid it, laid it, close your eyes right
00:35:30.280 now and ask yourself, are Arby's employees urinating in the beverages?
00:35:38.520 And you, your heart will tell you, yeah, because that's where we are.
00:35:43.580 That's where, and that's honestly, that's where we've always been.
00:35:47.220 And the, the crazy part is this kind of goes into that moment when, when an officer's like,
00:35:53.040 how many beers have you had?
00:35:54.120 And you always just say two.
00:35:56.520 Don't say you've had more than two, bro.
00:36:00.260 You've had more than two.
00:36:01.760 You know, you left your kid in the car one day while you were at CVS.
00:36:06.880 You've had more than two beers, but that's what it is.
00:36:10.760 Like, Hey, Mr. Arby's manager, sir, how many times have you urinated in the, what was it?
00:36:17.300 Milkshake mix. 1.00
00:36:18.400 Oh, damn boy. 1.00
00:36:21.360 Yes, sir. 1.00
00:36:22.000 How many times have you urinated in the milkshake mix, boy?
00:36:26.600 And, uh, oh, just two, two.
00:36:29.480 I've only had two, sir.
00:36:30.780 Yeah, we, we know you have more boy. 0.99
00:36:35.060 Look, I'd charge extra in half of these countries and shit. 1.00
00:36:38.480 They pay rich people are drinking piss, man. 1.00
00:36:41.680 Don't, if you get, bring them some piss from them, Guatemala or somewhere, foreign piss, 1.00
00:36:46.520 they'll sip it.
00:36:47.860 Dude, it's some of these high dollar political functions.
00:36:50.460 They're over there.
00:36:52.000 Somebody's sommeliering off that fricking, uh, that nut snifter dog. 1.00
00:36:56.420 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:36:57.140 Off that, that, that, that, that penis wine, baby. 1.00
00:37:01.020 Piss. 1.00
00:37:01.600 Urine. 1.00
00:37:03.180 So, you know, rich people, they'll pay to drink that shit. 1.00
00:37:06.120 That's the craziest thing. 1.00
00:37:07.160 You go piss on a rich person, they get mad.
00:37:09.400 But you piss in a jar and put it on a fancy website and they'll buy it. 0.82
00:37:13.000 That's insane, isn't it?
00:37:16.900 But yeah, only twice in the milk.
00:37:19.080 There's no way.
00:37:20.720 First of all, how fricking good does it have to feel to piss into a, if that thing's mixing 0.69
00:37:28.180 up in like a beautiful view and you just dousing it up?
00:37:33.540 Dude, I remember throwing parties in college and I would stand by the keg.
00:37:38.860 It was in the kitchen in the corner.
00:37:40.340 I'd stand there a couple hundred people at the house because we did it good at LSU at
00:37:46.260 the commas, baby gang, gang, son. 1.00
00:37:48.460 We threw that shit, dude. 1.00
00:37:50.300 We threw somebody. 1.00
00:37:51.440 I remember I saw this one chick, Belinda, somebody shot a potato gun, right?
00:37:58.380 And she was just looking for her keys right about 70 yards away and that thing caught
00:38:02.760 her right in the neck, boy. 1.00
00:38:05.180 Old top neck Belinda, son. 1.00
00:38:08.540 Damn, baby. 1.00
00:38:09.440 She'd never been the same, bruh. 1.00
00:38:11.440 She always, she fricking can only look one way when she crosses the street now, bruh.
00:38:15.440 She fricking, that thing hooked her. 0.82
00:38:17.460 Um, but anyway, I hope she's doing good and, um, what were we talking about, Jeremy?
00:38:22.740 Do you remember it?
00:38:23.880 Uh, we were talking about RPs, maybe?
00:38:27.420 Oh, RBs.
00:38:28.780 I see what you're saying.
00:38:29.440 That's an RB.
00:38:29.880 That's a play on, uh, lettering and I love it.
00:38:32.440 Yeah, RBs, dog.
00:38:33.540 If, and look, I worked at a place.
00:38:34.980 Oh yeah.
00:38:35.680 I, I, at my joint at the party, we would fill cold beers up in a cup and then every now
00:38:42.020 and then we would do a cup of urine, pass it off across the party.
00:38:45.620 People didn't know.
00:38:46.560 You know, those people are doing well now.
00:38:48.620 They have families.
00:38:49.520 That's God, you know, and it's just, sometimes life gives you a lemonade.
00:38:55.160 Sometimes you get that little bit of, uh, that piss at the Arby's and you knew that you
00:39:00.920 knew, you knew when you walked in Arby's, there could be piss in something.
00:39:04.580 Now that you definitely knew.
00:39:06.100 You knew when you walked in Arby's, something I'm eating here probably got a little bit
00:39:12.820 of that, uh, that body liquor in it.
00:39:16.160 You know what I'm saying? 0.99
00:39:17.800 That fricking scrotum gin, baby. 1.00
00:39:19.740 You don't talk about piss. 0.99
00:39:20.760 And one more thing about Arby's is why don't we have, they need to put birth control in
00:39:26.440 the meat.
00:39:28.560 Why don't Arby's, that needs to be the next thing.
00:39:31.160 That seemed like a perfect part of the Biden administration's, uh, you know, insurance,
00:39:37.400 medical deal.
00:39:38.160 Let's get birth control put into the meat at Arby's. 1.00
00:39:44.400 I mean, how many people would vote for that?
00:39:46.900 Everybody.
00:39:48.380 What else we got there, Jer?
00:39:50.020 Uh, they had something with the breast milk I saw.
00:39:53.500 Let's see.
00:39:54.160 Yeah, we got, uh, Utah mom selling almost 4,000 ounces of breast milk as baby formula shortage
00:40:01.380 continues.
00:40:02.200 Mmm.
00:40:02.840 Mmm.
00:40:03.720 This happened in, uh, Utah.
00:40:05.560 Uh, Alyssa Chitty has three freezers full of breast milk. 0.99
00:40:09.700 Ooh.
00:40:11.520 And you look, that's where we are now.
00:40:14.280 That's what, I mean, I'm telling you, we are getting to a place where you can't count
00:40:20.020 on these big companies anymore.
00:40:21.840 They're all in lawsuits.
00:40:23.760 There's two, they don't know any what they're too disconnected from the customer.
00:40:29.000 So people going right off the bag.
00:40:31.440 Now you want that you, uh, we got piss milk. 1.00
00:40:35.560 We got fresh from, I mean, that is just from, uh, firm to table, baby, right there. 0.97
00:40:42.900 If you, you go, people going door to door shooting each other for, uh, breast milk, titty 0.92
00:40:48.300 milk, men are trying to do, you see a lot of gay men trying to, and they don't even have 0.99
00:40:53.380 kids. 1.00
00:40:53.780 They're just trying to, uh, do ejaculate out of their nipples. 1.00
00:40:59.160 Just crazy. 1.00
00:41:00.260 It's getting weird, man.
00:41:02.760 And ladies, if you got that strong hooter, baby, juice it out. 1.00
00:41:08.200 Juice it out, son.
00:41:10.660 Especially Utah.
00:41:11.860 You up at that high, uh, elevation. 0.95
00:41:13.960 So if you don't think you could sell that high elevation, freaking B-skeet, baby, you know 0.94
00:41:19.740 what I'm talking about? 0.89
00:41:20.900 If you don't think you could sell that for a decent dollar, baby, then you're wrong, honey.
00:41:29.200 If you're sitting around just doing Wordle all day and you got them freaking, uh, them 0.68
00:41:34.860 freaking forest lumps, baby. 0.99
00:41:36.580 Them damn fucking leche furnaces just brewing, you know, women are always like, I want to 1.00
00:41:42.860 open up a business, but you got two businesses right there. 1.00
00:41:47.240 You got them freaking little sternum corporations, baby. 1.00
00:41:50.600 Juice them out. 1.00
00:41:52.560 Juice them, bitches. 1.00
00:41:53.900 Hey, I'll buy a hot gram of breast milk off of somebody. 1.00
00:42:00.400 And especially, this is, this is basic white Utah breast milk, man. 1.00
00:42:04.440 That's just a basic homogenized shit. 1.00
00:42:06.480 You get into there, you get a nice urban lady out there. 1.00
00:42:09.700 She got those extra red blood cells up in that, up in the milk. 0.99
00:42:14.020 Or you get a Native American lady and she got them, you know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:42:17.340 She got the forefathers in the milk, you know what I'm saying? 0.98
00:42:19.460 You could really, there's definitely a way to, um, what's that called?
00:42:24.340 Uh, uh, uh, it's a business thing.
00:42:29.940 Um, there's definitely some, uh, it means like going up.
00:42:36.480 Do you know what it is?
00:42:39.260 Uh, I don't know.
00:42:41.700 I don't know.
00:42:42.760 Trajectory?
00:42:43.760 Yeah, I don't know.
00:42:44.680 No, no, no.
00:42:45.140 That's not a good guess.
00:42:46.700 Uh, verticals.
00:42:48.400 They call it verticals.
00:42:49.800 Other ways you can make money on it.
00:42:51.440 But yeah, if you, uh, yeah.
00:42:54.680 So there's way, I mean, there's definitely some upsells in there, you know, if you want
00:42:59.120 that, um, if you want that extra breast milk, you want that extra half ounce or you get 0.87
00:43:04.440 that daytime milk or you want that night batch.
00:43:07.260 Now, a lot of ladies don't realize if you slang and breast milk on the internet, um, then 1.00
00:43:14.820 you can also slang that night batch, you know, that, uh, if you want to sell that nocturnal
00:43:21.600 fricking, uh, that nocturnal nipple beverage, baby, you know what I'm talking about? 0.98
00:43:25.260 Titty milk, uh, titty milk. 0.98
00:43:27.560 We had this kid in our neighborhood, he couldn't talk much, but he could say, titty milk.
00:43:33.160 I want some titty milk, titty milk, titty milk.
00:43:39.900 And we'd always be like, what do you want?
00:43:41.860 And he'd be like, titty milk, titty milk.
00:43:46.160 So anyway, there's definitely a big market out there for it.
00:43:48.640 Cause look, we're all becoming babies anyway.
00:43:53.100 You know, I'm an adult baby.
00:43:55.880 Half my friends are. 0.99
00:43:57.100 For everybody I know, damn, I would look. 0.99
00:44:00.060 If I hit a vending machine and nobody was looking, titty milk, I'd have me a little. 0.99
00:44:08.080 Gang, baby, I don't think we have any other news in that, do we?
00:44:11.120 I don't think so.
00:44:11.920 Praise God, baby.
00:44:12.820 Happy to be alive today.
00:44:13.960 And I'm happy to get into some of you guys' calls.
00:44:18.240 You know, uh, and I want to thank you guys that come out and support me, man, on the shows
00:44:22.580 and just support me while watching this show.
00:44:24.480 Um, you know, we had, uh, and just have been supportive, man.
00:44:29.660 It has been a tough, I've had a tough few years and I don't mean that I'm complaining.
00:44:33.540 I just haven't been feeling great.
00:44:34.920 And, uh, you guys have been there with me the whole time.
00:44:38.460 And, um, and yeah, we just, we know, we don't give up.
00:44:43.900 So I just want to say thank you, uh, from the inside of my heart, baby.
00:44:47.900 You know what I'm saying? 0.98
00:44:49.440 From damn, just deep in my damn, just from the, I mean, just the real, you guys are the 1.00
00:44:56.340 piss in my milkshake. 1.00
00:44:57.400 Um, so I love y'all. 0.93
00:45:00.440 All right.
00:45:01.480 Uh, let's get into some calls here.
00:45:03.400 Um, we'll let you know also that we have some new gang gang hoodies, uh, and tees that
00:45:08.200 are available now at theovonstore.com.
00:45:10.760 We got the bobblehead, that bee head, baby. 1.00
00:45:13.240 If you need them, um, you can get ahold of those, uh, at theovonstore.com.
00:45:19.720 Thank you guys for supporting, uh, the podcast.
00:45:23.300 Uh, thank you for our Patreon supporters and yeah, the hotline is always, if something's
00:45:29.600 going on with you and, um, uh, the hotline is nine, eight, five, six, six, four, nine,
00:45:36.180 five, zero, three.
00:45:39.080 Uh, we got some more help now working with the podcast too.
00:45:43.060 So excited to, uh, see how that works out and, um, just help get our.
00:45:49.720 Just, I feel like get the wheels back going and keep things going well.
00:45:53.800 Um, you know, we got an important group here of, uh, humans and, uh, we got to take care
00:46:02.180 of, uh, we got to take care of as much as we can.
00:46:05.660 So trying to lean into that more and, uh, just grateful for you guys.
00:46:10.720 Um, let's take some calls here.
00:46:14.020 As always, the hotline is nine, eight, five, six, six, four, nine, five, zero, three.
00:46:18.180 Um, let's take one here.
00:46:21.680 Here we go.
00:46:24.640 Hey, Theo, got yourself a little Covington single mama drama going on.
00:46:30.100 I can't believe you got the nine, eight, five, my nine, eight, five touching your nine,
00:46:33.820 eight, five right now.
00:46:34.740 Well, anyway, so it's mother's day morning and I'm just wondering what has a single mama
00:46:42.060 got to do to get some good, some good loving.
00:46:47.440 All these men are scared.
00:46:49.440 I mean, for me personally, I feel like if you got a single mom coming for you, you know, 1.00
00:46:54.580 and like putting the heat on you, it's like you already got half the equation figured out.
00:47:00.060 Like, you know, she makes cute kids, you know, she cooks, you know, she's responsible, you 0.93
00:47:06.900 know, she could keep your offspring alive. 0.99
00:47:08.900 You know, it's like, what's, what's the big, what's the big question here?
00:47:12.480 You know what I mean?
00:47:14.100 Yeah, look, I mean, I think, well, let me hear more.
00:47:19.340 Let me hear more what's going on.
00:47:20.420 So you're trying to get a little action and you're from down there in Covington, Louisiana,
00:47:24.120 and I appreciate the beautiful place there and I was conceived somewhere over there near
00:47:28.020 the Chifuncta River over there and a lot of snakes around there and a lot of mosquitoes.
00:47:34.320 Malaria was big when I was young.
00:47:37.740 And what else?
00:47:39.440 Rabies.
00:47:40.620 Definitely down there in the bottom of the rabies belt.
00:47:44.840 Let's hear more.
00:47:46.620 Why is everybody so, you know, terrified of single moms?
00:47:50.520 Or maybe it's just me.
00:47:51.760 Maybe, it could, it could, it could just be me.
00:47:56.320 But there was somebody that I got a little involved with and he told me that he was this
00:48:01.640 big Theo Vaughn fan.
00:48:03.060 I was like, oh, I know that guy from Covington.
00:48:04.900 I don't know you, but I know that you're from Covington.
00:48:07.940 Me too. 1.00
00:48:09.380 Anyway, I was like, well, shit, I'm going to have to call this motherfucker and find out 1.00
00:48:13.780 what kind of message in you giving these boys? 1.00
00:48:16.100 Because, I mean, they're going out on the street saying, yeah, Theo Vaughn, Theo Vaughn,
00:48:20.480 I'm a big fan of single moms, single moms. 1.00
00:48:22.860 You know, it's Mother's Day Eve.
00:48:24.160 I sent that booty call.
00:48:26.560 It was just me and the magic wand this morning, man.
00:48:29.600 Dang, baby girl. 0.54
00:48:31.080 Dang.
00:48:32.500 Dang.
00:48:33.900 Well, also, if you're giving your body away to that magic wand all the time, then, you
00:48:38.220 know, I think a lot of men can sense that.
00:48:40.100 A lot of men can sense sometimes if that garden has been hand dug or if somebody's been using
00:48:48.600 a rotor on it.
00:48:50.880 So, that could be something.
00:48:52.980 I don't know.
00:48:54.160 Now, that's just, I'm just gesticulating or I'm just speaking.
00:48:59.300 But now, look, if you met a guy, he said he's a Theo Vaughn fan, he's texting you and stuff,
00:49:06.600 but he's not coming over and putting it down.
00:49:09.700 That sounds like a Theo Vaughn fan.
00:49:12.020 You know what I'm saying?
00:49:13.220 Girl, that's what we do, baby. 0.81
00:49:16.300 We front it up, but we don't back it up a lot of times.
00:49:19.460 You know what I'm saying? 0.81
00:49:20.100 Look, he probably jerked off on the way over there, if I'm real honest with you, dude. 0.74
00:49:27.320 I was in love one time with this girl, and the problem was it was 17 miles to get to her
00:49:33.460 place, and this was out near Covington, and if you went up north of Covington, and 17 miles
00:49:39.800 when you're all horned out, you know, when you're really young and just full of just bust,
00:49:44.460 you know? 1.00
00:49:45.100 I mean, you're just nuts. 1.00
00:49:46.260 You're just made out of, damn, just God's dynamite, baby. 1.00
00:49:48.980 You know what I'm talking about, semen, and when you are just, just your nuts are just 1.00
00:49:54.580 rationed up to the top with that sweet cream. 0.99
00:49:57.440 Can I have some?
00:49:59.940 I mean, you can't drive 17 miles without pulling over and relieving yourself somewhere near a 0.98
00:50:06.720 damn mile marker. 0.99
00:50:09.100 You know, if you want to bet $40 that I haven't ejected on the back of a damn mile marker, then 1.00
00:50:13.880 you're going to lose your money. 0.96
00:50:15.580 I'm going to tell you that right now, baby.
00:50:17.560 You know what I'm saying?
00:50:18.340 And 36.5, baby.
00:50:23.520 So, yeah.
00:50:24.200 Look, I'm just saying that could have been it.
00:50:26.680 The guy is so nervous he can't even handle all, you know.
00:50:29.940 It's hard to drive when your body's full of the devil's fever.
00:50:35.620 It's hard to drive that sickness across town without pulling over to relieve it.
00:50:39.320 So, but yeah, we appreciate the call there, lady, and we hope somebody comes over and gets 0.99
00:50:45.320 that throbbing and really just robs that throbbing right out of your crotch for you. 0.98
00:50:49.900 And yeah, we'll get back to doing some stuff for some single moms and stuff soon or single 1.00
00:50:57.380 dads.
00:50:57.820 We've had some callers talk about that and we're going to get back into some of that.
00:51:02.620 You know, it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
00:51:05.000 That's a fact, man.
00:51:06.000 When you have high interest debt, that's a double fact.
00:51:08.760 Man, when you have debt, but you're also paying a high interest rate, it just hurts you.
00:51:13.200 It hurts you dang nuts in your back.
00:51:17.200 Saying goodbye to high interest credit card debt is one of the first steps towards financial
00:51:21.080 independence.
00:51:22.760 But the interest month after month can feel like you're in a never ending hamster wheel.
00:51:26.980 That's where upstart comes in.
00:51:29.680 We've all been there.
00:51:30.840 Seemingly out of nowhere, you get hit by an unexpected expense or bill.
00:51:34.280 When that happens, it can feel like the weight of the world is coming down.
00:51:37.240 Luckily, upstart helps their personal powered loans can help you pay down high interest debt
00:51:44.060 all done online with simple and easy to understand payments.
00:51:48.400 Upstart has helped over 1.8 million customers on their path to financial freedom.
00:51:55.040 Upstart's model considers other factors instead of your just your credit score.
00:51:59.280 They consider income employment and other information provided in your loan application.
00:52:03.780 Don't wait and check your rate today at upstart.com.
00:52:07.240 Slash T-H-E-O. 1.00
00:52:09.380 That's upstart.com slash Theo to check your rate today.
00:52:14.840 Don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you.
00:52:18.680 And you want to make sure that you're not paying high interest credit card debt.
00:52:22.120 Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and other certain information
00:52:24.960 provided in your loan application.
00:52:27.000 Go to upstart.com slash Theo.
00:52:29.340 Look, after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by big wireless providers,
00:52:35.060 if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch.
00:52:39.340 So when I first heard that Mint Mobile was offering premium wireless at just 15 bucks a month,
00:52:48.360 I said, well, what's the catch?
00:52:51.080 Well, Mint Mobile doesn't have a retail store, so they cut out that brook and mortal. 0.95
00:52:56.180 You don't have to do that anymore.
00:52:58.620 They're the first company to sell wireless service only, online only.
00:53:04.020 That's right.
00:53:05.400 For anyone who hates their phone bill, Mint Mobile offers premium wireless for just 15 bucks a month.
00:53:10.460 Switch to Mint Mobile.
00:53:12.900 Get premium wireless.
00:53:14.120 All plans come with unlimited talk and text, high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.
00:53:21.840 Gives you the best rate, whether you're buying for one or a family.
00:53:26.500 To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free,
00:53:31.560 go to mintmobile.com slash Theo.
00:53:34.800 That's M-I-N-T-M-O-B-I-L-E dot com slash T-H-E-O. 0.98
00:53:39.400 Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com.
00:53:45.220 All right, let's take another call here.
00:53:48.420 Hey, Theo.
00:53:49.280 It's Chris Goss.
00:53:51.820 I'm currently stationed at...
00:53:54.400 What's up, Chris?
00:53:55.680 Thanks for calling in, brother.
00:53:57.180 And Chris is a name short for Christmas.
00:54:00.280 Short for what else?
00:54:07.440 Galaxy?
00:54:08.480 No.
00:54:10.080 I don't know what else.
00:54:11.140 Let's hear more.
00:54:11.920 Fort Riley, Kansas.
00:54:12.900 But I'm getting out of the Army. 0.99
00:54:16.280 I'm going back home to good old fucking Palmdale, California. 0.99
00:54:20.720 Palmdale, CA. 0.98
00:54:21.680 I did a comedy show up there one time and almost got abused, actually, in a parking lot up there.
00:54:27.620 Onward?
00:54:29.560 Kind of a bittersweet feeling, but...
00:54:33.700 I don't know, man.
00:54:34.240 I feel like I failed a lot in my Army career and the career that I've had a chance in before
00:54:42.000 the Army. 0.98
00:54:42.480 I was supposed to be a part of, you know, the music industry, all this shit, and I pissed 0.99
00:54:47.060 it all away because of, you know, bad habits and drugs and thinking I was Mr. fucking know-it-all. 0.99
00:54:51.420 But I don't know. 0.98
00:54:54.040 What kind of...
00:54:55.040 I don't know.
00:54:57.460 I'm kind of asking, like, what do you do to make yourself feel like not like a failure,
00:55:04.060 I guess you could say.
00:55:04.860 Like, I'm just struggling, man, because everywhere I turn, I feel like I fuck it up.
00:55:09.880 I feel like I never get anything right, man.
00:55:12.400 So, a little bit of advice would help, man.
00:55:16.580 Thanks for the call, man.
00:55:19.800 And I'm sorry that you're feeling like that.
00:55:21.560 I want to let you know right off the bat, you have...
00:55:23.980 You know, you sound like a confident young man.
00:55:26.500 You sound like you got a good voice on your strong throat.
00:55:31.200 You're able to speak.
00:55:32.300 You know, you have...
00:55:33.600 I just want to remind you, you're calling because you care about yourself.
00:55:36.680 You're trying to take action.
00:55:38.340 So, those are all really cool things you're doing for yourself, man.
00:55:42.460 So, a failure doesn't do any of that.
00:55:45.820 Well, for myself, you know, sometimes my own perception, I can't rely on it.
00:55:49.600 Because my perception is too harsh on me.
00:55:51.840 My perception doesn't remember the wins that I do.
00:55:55.300 My perception chooses to not make me the hero sometimes.
00:56:02.300 And I don't mean in an egotistical way.
00:56:04.420 It chooses to not give me the benefit of the doubt.
00:56:09.820 You know, sometimes I treat myself in ways that I would never treat somebody else.
00:56:15.540 So, I have to then ask other people.
00:56:18.400 I have to get people around me that I trust.
00:56:20.740 And ask them, you know, what do you think is going on here?
00:56:24.620 Am I okay?
00:56:25.720 Am I a failure?
00:56:28.280 You know?
00:56:28.720 And I have to take their word for it.
00:56:33.620 And I have to...
00:56:34.800 And if I trust those people and take their word and I believe them, believe that they care about me,
00:56:39.280 then I know that they would tell me the truth.
00:56:41.120 And so, sometimes my own...
00:56:47.380 As much of a bummer as it is to say, my own perception is not the best place for me to get a judgment of myself.
00:56:59.620 I think we live in a time and an environment where we don't know the effects of seeing so much of ourselves all the time
00:57:10.120 and of how much of we are getting our perception from the outside instead of the inside, where it used to come from,
00:57:20.520 which I think was a much healthier place.
00:57:22.840 And as far as being a failure, man, I'll tell you what, a failure is somebody that doesn't try.
00:57:34.240 I know I mentioned that, but a failure isn't somebody that's trying to figure out what's going on with themselves.
00:57:39.820 You know, I feel like a failure all the time, man.
00:57:42.540 I compare myself to my friends.
00:57:44.000 I look at certain things.
00:57:45.380 I look at what, you know, this isn't perfect.
00:57:47.520 This is...
00:57:47.880 I'm a failure. 0.54
00:57:49.880 Man, I am a failure. 1.00
00:57:51.220 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1.00
00:57:56.000 You know, why can't you do things right? 1.00
00:57:58.020 Why can't...
00:57:58.740 And the truth is some of that...
00:58:00.980 That voice isn't really mine, man.
00:58:03.640 That's not a good...
00:58:05.220 That's not a good...
00:58:08.000 It's not safe for me to really even listen to that voice inside of me.
00:58:16.760 Because, yeah, failure doesn't try.
00:58:18.560 You know, a failure doesn't try, man.
00:58:22.500 And so I know that by even making...
00:58:24.900 You're trying to see what's going on.
00:58:26.380 You're trying.
00:58:27.580 So those things didn't work out.
00:58:29.180 That's okay.
00:58:30.640 But now, if we don't learn from those things, then that's where we start to see patterns where it's like, man.
00:58:35.140 I'm not a failure, but I am a repeater.
00:58:40.700 Now, that's one thing I... 0.76
00:58:42.260 Look, I'll be a dang repeater, dog. 0.95
00:58:45.640 You know, I'll piss in my own milkshake a lot of times. 0.97
00:58:49.780 And I'll sit there and swig on it and pretend I didn't, man.
00:58:52.580 But after a while, I got to realize that some of this urine taste is because of me.
00:58:59.700 So, you know, you might be making some missteps here or there, but you also might just be making some steps.
00:59:09.460 You know, a step isn't always...
00:59:12.700 A step is always positive, but it's not always forward.
00:59:17.060 You know?
00:59:17.580 It could be, you know...
00:59:19.680 I don't know.
00:59:20.300 I'm just saying, man, that you're trying, bro.
00:59:24.460 And failures don't try and you're learning things.
00:59:26.360 You're going to take these pieces of what you've learned.
00:59:28.820 You might take a piece of the military and a piece of the music.
00:59:32.000 You know?
00:59:32.560 You might build a machine gun that shoots songs at people. 0.95
00:59:37.080 You know? 1.00
00:59:37.620 And just hit somebody with a damn... 1.00
00:59:39.860 You know, you may hit somebody with a damn first class. 1.00
00:59:44.600 You know? 0.99
00:59:44.880 You might damn just, you know, do a drive-by at a, you know, somewhere. 0.92
00:59:53.100 And next thing you know, everybody's singing Aerosmith. 0.98
00:59:58.460 You know what I'm saying?
00:59:59.280 You might invent something that...
01:00:00.760 You just don't know what the pieces that you are doing, what those are going to be used for.
01:00:06.000 So, I don't think you're failing, man.
01:00:09.340 I think you're learning, though.
01:00:10.680 I hope you are, you know?
01:00:12.260 And I think you're training for whatever the best you is going to be.
01:00:18.020 And I know it's hard, man.
01:00:21.200 I know it's hard.
01:00:24.480 You know?
01:00:27.200 But just don't feel like you're alone.
01:00:29.780 And just don't give up, man.
01:00:33.720 And if nothing changes, nothing changes.
01:00:35.760 You got to remember that.
01:00:36.720 You know?
01:00:39.520 And for myself, you know, I get back into 12-step.
01:00:42.880 You know, I've recently really leaned back into my recovery program.
01:00:46.680 And there's even little moments during this podcast where I feel more like myself than I have in years.
01:00:52.680 And yeah, I got therapy today.
01:00:56.800 I'm going to talk to my sponsor later today.
01:00:58.800 I'm putting things in place for me that I know are going to help me have a better future, that are going to help me take care of myself.
01:01:08.740 And I don't even want to, really, sometimes.
01:01:11.780 You know, the craziest thing is sometimes I don't even want to take care of myself.
01:01:14.600 There's a part of me that doesn't even want to take care of me.
01:01:22.500 Because I think some of that part of me is just like, oh, this was somebody else's job a long time ago and they never did it.
01:01:29.140 And why do I have to still be doing this job?
01:01:33.020 You know?
01:01:36.000 But I can't let that part of me win.
01:01:39.560 Not today, anyway.
01:01:40.620 But look, man, I love you, bro.
01:01:44.860 And I'm proud of you.
01:01:45.680 And thank you for your service, dude.
01:01:46.860 Thank you for going and trying.
01:01:47.920 You know how many times I sit around regretting that I didn't even try?
01:01:51.080 You might be able to go back in sometimes.
01:01:53.720 You know? 1.00
01:01:54.380 Fuck, just put on some high boots and listen to two episodes of Jocko, bro. 1.00
01:01:58.300 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
01:01:58.900 You're not in the military, but you fucking, you'll scale your neighbor's fence and attack that bastard at a barbecue. 1.00
01:02:04.420 I know that shit, bro. 1.00
01:02:05.420 That shit will get you dialed up, son. 1.00
01:02:07.700 But thank you guys for being a part of my life. 0.99
01:02:11.380 We're looking for some new jobs.
01:02:12.640 We want to have people call in, too.
01:02:14.020 Do we know any of those?
01:02:14.920 What are some of those that we were looking at?
01:02:17.640 If you know someone who is a unique personality that does coronering, somebody that does coronering, dealing with the death right there.
01:02:28.720 That last little guy, that fellow that tickles you at the finish line, if you know somebody that does that and has a unique personality.
01:02:37.640 And, yeah, if there's a retired homicide detective, we'd like to speak with one.
01:02:43.740 Somebody that's Amish, done full Amish or part.
01:02:46.180 We want full.
01:02:47.220 I don't want no fake Amish in here. 1.00
01:02:48.960 You know what I'm saying?
01:02:49.920 We want full Amish or Mennonite. 0.98
01:02:52.520 And we're also looking for somebody that has somebody who has been a longtime employee, a 7-Eleven employee we're looking for in a unique area. 0.99
01:03:09.260 We want somebody that's really been through the shit. 0.97
01:03:11.220 And those people can e-mail in, the producer e-mail, what is it? 0.99
01:03:16.940 tpwproducer at gmail.
01:03:19.640 tpwproducer at gmail, if you have somebody to recommend for those things.
01:03:26.240 And what should they send in?
01:03:27.560 What's the best way for them to send something?
01:03:29.220 How do they?
01:03:30.860 I would put something in the title line that stands out, maybe the name of your job.
01:03:36.720 And then just put location, contact, years of experience, and anything else that you might want to add.
01:03:46.400 Okay, great.
01:03:47.140 Yeah.
01:03:47.440 And if you're recommending someone, you could also get a video of them or something and send it in there to the e-mail.
01:03:53.280 But look, man, I love you guys.
01:03:54.940 Thank you guys for being a part of my life.
01:03:56.560 We're going to go out the same way we came in.
01:03:58.220 You know, I like this music.
01:03:59.200 It just kind of makes me feel lifted up.
01:04:01.000 And this is There is a Light by the Stone Keepers.
01:04:06.700 We had a lot of great calls.
01:04:08.000 We'll get to some of them next time as well.
01:04:10.360 If you haven't checked out the Trauma Restoration Man, go get an inkling of him.
01:04:18.160 If you know another good Trauma Restoration Man who's really been through some unique things, you might be able to submit them as well.
01:04:23.500 But check that episode.
01:04:27.020 We've got Tim Dillon coming up soon and looking forward to a lot of great guests.
01:04:32.520 But you guys also, hit the hotline.
01:04:35.100 Let me know what job you do.
01:04:36.000 What do you do?
01:04:36.620 Where do you listen to the episode at?
01:04:38.700 Just put that in the voicemail.
01:04:40.140 985-664-9503.
01:04:46.500 Y'all, keep my stepdad in your prayers this week.
01:04:48.440 He's going in for surgery.
01:04:49.340 And I'm keeping him in mind.
01:04:55.660 You guys be good to yourselves, baby.
01:04:57.900 And love you guys, gang.
01:04:59.540 We'll be right back.
01:05:29.540 You deserve it, baby.
01:05:40.000 This is There is a Light by Stonekeepers and David Manuel.
01:05:45.260 Manuel.
01:05:46.100 Manuel.
01:05:46.700 Manuel.
01:05:47.600 Manuel.
01:05:52.500 Galaxy.
01:05:53.060 Galaxy.
01:05:59.540 Come on, baby. 0.97
01:06:15.480 Whenever you're down, out in the cold.
01:06:20.680 Come on.
01:06:21.880 Faithless and dark.
01:06:24.420 Your story's untold.
01:06:26.220 Let's do it, baby.
01:06:27.080 Come take my hand and walk down with me.
01:06:32.980 I know a place where we can be free.
01:06:38.680 There is a light shining for you.
01:06:44.740 Guiding your way.
01:06:47.540 Helping you through.
01:06:49.600 Jump out of my pain.
01:06:52.640 All that you see.
01:06:55.740 We'll fly away.
01:06:57.220 We can be free.
01:07:02.500 From the mountain top.
01:07:05.280 Down to the deepest valley.
01:07:09.080 Hear a voice calling you.
01:07:12.540 It's the rising sun shining in the dark.
01:07:19.300 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
01:07:31.180 The answer may shock you.
01:07:32.660 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
01:07:34.960 Sometimes I won't.
01:07:36.660 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
01:07:39.580 You have three new voice messages.
01:07:42.580 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
01:07:45.500 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.
01:07:48.180 Longer than anybody else.
01:07:49.800 So great.
01:07:51.160 Hi.
01:07:51.800 Sweetie.
01:07:52.760 Here's a deal. 1.00
01:07:54.100 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00
01:07:58.100 Jermaine. 1.00
01:07:59.300 Ho-hoi. 0.97
01:08:00.060 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:08:03.160 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:08:05.240 Ho-ho-ho. 0.97
01:08:06.500 No.
01:08:07.520 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
01:08:09.960 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:08:14.120 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:08:18.360 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
01:08:23.980 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.