This Past Weekend with Theo Von - June 08, 2022


E396 Albuquerque


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 8 minutes

Words per Minute

156.99535

Word Count

10,795

Sentence Count

1,126

Misogynist Sentences

44

Hate Speech Sentences

36


Summary

Rocky reminisces about the days when it was cold enough to freeze his toes off in the grocery store and the people who helped him open the door to the root beer cooler at the local Wal-Mart in the early 20th century.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.
00:00:02.320 Rocky's Vacation, here we come.
00:00:05.060 Whoa, is this economy?
00:00:07.180 Free beer, wine, and snacks.
00:00:09.620 Sweet!
00:00:10.720 Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.
00:00:14.760 And with live TV, I'm not missing the game.
00:00:17.800 It's kind of like, I'm already on vacation.
00:00:20.980 Nice!
00:00:22.140 On behalf of Air Canada, nice travels.
00:00:25.260 Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on Equipped Flight.
00:00:27.220 Sponsored by Bell. Conditions apply.
00:00:28.720 CRCanada.com.
00:00:30.620 All right.
00:00:33.260 If it is, it is, baby.
00:00:34.980 That's what they say sometimes.
00:00:38.040 You know, I used to go to the water park by my house growing up.
00:00:43.040 And it wasn't real close to us, but it was, you know, close enough.
00:00:49.680 You couldn't go barefoot over there.
00:00:51.340 You had to put on shoes.
00:00:52.160 That's how far away it was.
00:00:55.100 And we go to the water park and...
00:00:57.720 It wasn't, I mean, it wasn't much of a place.
00:01:03.500 You know, the biggest attractions out there, they had a water slide.
00:01:09.640 And they had, allegedly, they had the coldest root beer in the area.
00:01:15.940 So you'd go in there and people would be like, it ain't that cold, I can handle it, you know.
00:01:22.720 You know, people drive down from the north, you know, from Canada and Saskatchewan.
00:01:29.120 You know, Michigan.
00:01:32.000 They'd drive down, I can handle it, I can handle it.
00:01:34.960 And they'd drive down there.
00:01:37.320 And I remember you'd go in the general store over there at that water park.
00:01:41.540 It's called Lando Pines.
00:01:46.220 And you'd go in the general store there.
00:01:49.260 And, man, it was, when you even opened the door to that general store, it was frosty in there.
00:01:53.780 And, you'd see the Polar Express go by in the distance.
00:02:00.920 Here, all aboard, Wilson.
00:02:04.660 And, you'd get in there and you'd be barefoot because you'd just come from the, you'd just come from the water slide in the pool.
00:02:15.860 And, you'd be barefoot rocking around in there.
00:02:18.680 And, it's so cold.
00:02:21.620 I remember as a child trying to get back close to the cooler where that root beer was.
00:02:28.640 And, I remember hugging it.
00:02:29.940 You'd hug anybody who was in there.
00:02:31.400 Help me.
00:02:32.100 I remember there was an old woman by the baked beans one time.
00:02:36.040 And, I just, damn, got right up in between her legs for a minute, honestly.
00:02:40.800 Just trying to get to that root beer.
00:02:45.140 And, you'd get, finally, you'd get back near the thing.
00:02:47.940 And, you'd have, you, two or three of us kids pulling on that root beer on the, uh, the cage it was in.
00:02:56.860 It was in, like, a big cage.
00:02:58.860 Big glass cage.
00:03:00.280 A big aquarium.
00:03:02.100 You know, because it was just, it was so powerful and so cold.
00:03:06.640 And, you'd have to pull on that door and get your little buddy, help me.
00:03:10.960 Terrence, help.
00:03:12.620 Help, Terrence.
00:03:13.560 And, little Daniel would be over there on the other, he'd be pushing against the damn door.
00:03:18.940 He thought he was helping.
00:03:20.060 And, he's over there just, you know, he's leaning on that back, like, dang, come on, man.
00:03:26.540 And, finally, you'd get it open.
00:03:28.340 You'd get that door open.
00:03:29.520 Santa come walking out that bitch.
00:03:36.240 I mean, it had been, you know, it was cold in there.
00:03:41.180 Santa come out.
00:03:42.180 You'd have a damn, uh, um, you know, a little, uh, a damn penguin come walking out that bitch.
00:03:52.940 And, he'd been in there looking at pornography.
00:03:55.120 And, you're like, damn, how do, you know, how can he even touch himself?
00:03:58.400 He just got them two rudders on him.
00:03:59.820 He don't even have, he can't grip nothing.
00:04:01.640 But, he was doing it anyway.
00:04:02.860 He could see the shame on his face.
00:04:05.120 But, he'd get that, the, the, uh, glass door open.
00:04:08.100 And, all these root bears would be sitting there.
00:04:10.260 You could barely see it was so cold.
00:04:14.300 This fierce coldness is coming at you.
00:04:19.620 And, the lady at the counter was like, close the door.
00:04:25.720 And, you grab one, dude.
00:04:27.360 He took all the energy you had inside.
00:04:29.200 He just grabbed one and locked onto that can.
00:04:32.740 And, you, at that moment, you damned the makers of the root beer.
00:04:39.860 Because, why they put it in this cold, the can is cold.
00:04:45.660 And, you got, and then you bounce that thing all the way up to the register.
00:04:48.940 You and your friend.
00:04:51.360 Tossing it to each other.
00:04:55.720 You set it on the desk.
00:04:58.340 On the counter.
00:04:59.080 On the counter.
00:05:02.740 And, that lady would be like, you know, 65 cents.
00:05:12.240 And, mama giving you a little bit of money.
00:05:14.980 And, you put your money up there and you get it.
00:05:18.400 And, you walk out of there, man.
00:05:20.400 And, just out into the distance.
00:05:25.320 Out into that.
00:05:26.200 Just back into the world.
00:05:27.900 The warm world.
00:05:29.680 And, you'd gone on an adventure.
00:05:31.280 You'd gone and you'd gotten something.
00:05:35.500 You'd gotten a piece of dang.
00:05:36.900 You'd gotten you a thing.
00:05:38.200 You'd gotten a, you'd had a journey.
00:05:41.100 Getting there.
00:05:41.760 And, you're so cold.
00:05:44.020 And, then you couldn't take your hands off the can.
00:05:46.040 I remember one time my hands got stuck to the can.
00:05:49.160 Damn, all day just, you know.
00:05:51.420 I looked like a, you know, like one of those guys outside of a, of a Macy's or something at Christmas.
00:05:57.720 You know, trying to, you know, beg for money shaking that can.
00:06:01.120 You know, I couldn't, you just couldn't get my hands off of the can.
00:06:04.140 I couldn't un-can my hands.
00:06:06.800 Just, sure.
00:06:10.080 Those are the days, man.
00:06:11.240 That's what I miss about summer.
00:06:12.440 I miss going over there to Lando Pines.
00:06:15.940 And, you'd want.
00:06:16.560 And, sometimes they had red root beer.
00:06:18.080 It was this Barks root beer.
00:06:19.720 And, it was red.
00:06:20.660 Red.
00:06:21.880 And, you'd sip that and it'd make your lips all red and pretty.
00:06:27.140 And, you'd wander out into that, you know.
00:06:29.720 They had a lot of weird perverts out there.
00:06:32.760 They'd be pedophiles out there living out there barbecuing.
00:06:37.040 You'd see a guy in the distance out there, you know, putting damn lotion on his arms.
00:06:41.560 And, grilling up a couple, uh, um, Johnson's brats.
00:06:48.560 Like, damn, what's he, you know.
00:06:50.000 That guy even got a family.
00:06:52.740 You know, and just putting cologne on.
00:06:55.500 You'd see a man putting cologne on by himself.
00:06:58.020 And, grilling wieners.
00:06:59.240 And, grilling franks.
00:07:00.420 God.
00:07:02.540 But, those are the days, man.
00:07:03.840 I miss that about summer.
00:07:04.840 I miss that about being a child when everything was an adventure.
00:07:07.420 Those days of even just being out there at Lando Pines Water Park.
00:07:14.160 And, walking into that cooler.
00:07:17.180 And, getting you a cold root beer.
00:07:20.580 Mmm.
00:07:22.420 You know, everything, when you're young, everything was an adventure.
00:07:27.180 And, I miss that.
00:07:28.960 You know I do.
00:07:33.040 Let's get into it.
00:07:37.420 Come on, baby.
00:07:40.860 We're gonna make it, guys.
00:07:45.440 We're gonna make it.
00:07:46.840 I'm gonna make it.
00:07:49.540 So are you.
00:07:50.320 I'm on a coma.
00:07:52.100 Yeah.
00:07:52.600 Yeah.
00:07:54.160 Feels real good out there.
00:07:55.800 I've been so blue.
00:07:57.620 Mmm.
00:07:58.600 Feels on a coma.
00:08:01.240 I'm on a coma.
00:08:02.560 It feels so good to have a brand new view.
00:08:08.860 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:08:11.680 89 volt.
00:08:12.800 Well, I just broke off with my baby.
00:08:16.420 Now, I can finally get the love on you.
00:08:19.840 Mmm.
00:08:20.040 Mmm.
00:08:20.220 Mmm.
00:08:20.540 Mmm.
00:08:20.840 Yeah, yeah.
00:08:21.660 Come on.
00:08:23.580 Well, I just moved up to Lucky Street.
00:08:26.860 When the mayor came and said to me,
00:08:29.720 You're on a coma.
00:08:30.620 You're on a coma.
00:08:34.940 And it's plain to see between you and me.
00:08:38.100 We got so much love and chemistry.
00:08:41.000 It's on a coma.
00:08:43.520 It's on a coma.
00:08:46.300 Well, good things keep on coming.
00:08:49.260 And there ain't gonna be no running.
00:08:51.840 No, I'm on a coma.
00:08:54.620 Mmm.
00:08:55.060 I'm on a coma.
00:08:55.900 Wow, right there.
00:08:59.680 And that's Eddie Nine Volt.
00:09:02.340 And they're singing the come up.
00:09:06.120 You know, and that's what you have to believe that you're on the come up.
00:09:10.080 That's a big thing.
00:09:11.040 Believing that there's something that you are on a, on a, on a forward turn.
00:09:20.420 That you're on a, that your projection overall is upward.
00:09:26.420 You gotta believe that.
00:09:28.300 You gotta believe that.
00:09:29.740 I hope you do.
00:09:31.700 If you're feeling like you don't, I hope you, I hope you're able to just, to remodel that.
00:09:36.900 And don't listen to yourself for a second and listen to me.
00:09:39.520 And let me tell you that you are on the come up.
00:09:44.900 You are.
00:09:45.680 You are on whatever you're going through or dealing with or been dealt with.
00:09:51.620 You know, you playing blackjack with the, with, with the devil, baby.
00:09:55.040 That's a life is just, you sitting right there.
00:09:57.020 Hit me, hit me, hit me.
00:09:58.760 You know?
00:09:59.920 And then bust.
00:10:01.220 Damn.
00:10:03.800 You know, it's just, so whatever you've been dealt or you, whatever you're dealing with,
00:10:07.760 just slow the game down.
00:10:12.040 Look for the waitress.
00:10:13.000 Order a water.
00:10:13.560 You're going to be fine.
00:10:16.820 You're going to be fine.
00:10:22.220 Man, I, oh, I got to go see Hank Williams Jr. last night.
00:10:28.080 Out here in the Central East, baby.
00:10:29.860 And if you haven't seen this man, you know, Thunderhead, baby, you know what I'm talking about.
00:10:38.260 This man, he's a real rostabout, you know?
00:10:41.460 He's a real, he's a real, he's like a, like a, he's a, I mean, he is just a damn super honky.
00:10:56.620 That's what he is, baby.
00:10:59.260 He's a real, he's got, I mean, he's got music, he's got music built into him.
00:11:05.500 You know?
00:11:06.480 You pat him on the back, a damn ballad will come out of him.
00:11:10.580 I bet when they burped him as a baby, I bet, uh, you know, a couple of B flats fell right off his tongue.
00:11:16.520 I mean, that felt, he just, he's got this gumption in him.
00:11:24.340 And a lot of you guys know who he is.
00:11:26.500 You know, he, you know, he's a legend.
00:11:28.960 He's legendary.
00:11:31.600 And he's legend non-dairy.
00:11:33.180 He's like, you know, he's, he's, he's probably also a lactose free legend.
00:11:36.960 And because I don't know if legendary is, I don't know what that, I don't know if that's cheese based or what it is.
00:11:46.100 But he is, um, he's a whisper.
00:11:50.320 He's this whispery whiskey, whisker cat.
00:11:58.660 He's this, he's kind of this fat cat that's never been neutered kind of, you know, he just, it was interesting to watch him.
00:12:10.560 It was really interesting to watch him.
00:12:12.780 Um, I've gotten to know some of his family over the years, uh, mildly, you know, just by acquaintance.
00:12:19.980 And, uh, anyway, I got to go see him play live and that was, uh, that was quite a treat.
00:12:24.900 Him and, uh, Dan Auerbach from the Black Keys were over there and a lot of other beautiful women and men, I think.
00:12:34.020 And somebody else was on stage.
00:12:35.580 They could, I think it was a woman or man.
00:12:37.360 It could have been a man, could have been a thicker woman.
00:12:40.180 Not sure the angle I was at, you know, I don't know.
00:12:43.380 But anyway, beautiful music and, uh, and just a good time.
00:12:49.180 And also, I'll tell you what else I got to see.
00:12:52.220 I got to see you guys.
00:12:54.900 I got to see you guys, uh, went out to Albuquerque over there.
00:12:59.660 I haven't, I haven't talked to you since that.
00:13:01.920 Albuquerque.
00:13:03.860 Somebody's like, hey, welcome to Albuquerque.
00:13:07.380 It's like, how many car cars are in Albuquerque?
00:13:12.500 I said, man, I'm happy to be here.
00:13:14.620 I said, he goes, where?
00:13:16.320 And I said, and they trick you because they want to hear you say it.
00:13:18.860 Because they know you can't say it well because nobody can.
00:13:22.720 Because they can't also.
00:13:27.000 And the man said, I said, I'm happy to be here.
00:13:29.700 And the guy goes, where?
00:13:30.500 And I was like, Albuquerque.
00:13:33.860 Albuquerque.
00:13:34.540 Albuquerque.
00:13:37.540 Albuquerque.
00:13:38.220 Hey, kiddy.
00:13:39.820 And the guy's like, oh, you mean Albuquerque.
00:13:41.860 Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque.
00:13:43.500 Albuquerque.
00:13:45.160 The whole thing.
00:13:46.940 They don't even.
00:13:48.100 If you look at it on the map, it says A-L-B-E-R-K-K-K-K-K-K-K.
00:13:55.200 And then it has a bunch of just dots.
00:13:57.640 Like, what is it?
00:13:59.360 One of the Qs has a line going over the top of it.
00:14:02.640 You know, like unlimited Qs or whatever.
00:14:04.720 Damn, you know.
00:14:06.020 And one of the Qs, if you look real close, you can see him over there carrying a couple other little Qs on his little.
00:14:10.780 You know, his little hip or whatever that thing is.
00:14:14.180 A little goiter.
00:14:15.000 Whatever his Qs have on him.
00:14:18.440 But damn it.
00:14:19.780 And Albuquerque, kid.
00:14:21.220 That place is.
00:14:22.860 That place is insane, bro.
00:14:27.440 I never seen anything like that, bro.
00:14:31.780 Them people, thank you, first of all, for coming out.
00:14:35.640 The show was good.
00:14:36.680 That one was a little tough in that venue, I felt like.
00:14:39.340 But it was good.
00:14:40.780 And I was just so grateful.
00:14:44.320 I mean, people came out.
00:14:45.480 They got babysitters.
00:14:46.520 They drove.
00:14:47.140 They made this effort.
00:14:50.040 And they came to see me, man.
00:14:51.720 And that's what I'm saying.
00:14:52.620 Thank you.
00:14:54.160 Thank you.
00:14:56.760 Thank you for that support.
00:14:58.120 And I mean, they had dang, everybody.
00:15:03.420 People are like, dude, they got aliens, man.
00:15:06.160 They got aliens, bro.
00:15:08.180 They have alvatos out.
00:15:09.500 They got like area 151s out there.
00:15:12.320 Hey, dog.
00:15:14.060 You believe in area 151?
00:15:17.280 Like, what?
00:15:19.060 Yeah, dog.
00:15:19.900 You know what I'm talking about?
00:15:21.700 Aliens, papa.
00:15:23.380 Like, what, dog?
00:15:24.940 Like, que paso, pero?
00:15:26.700 Oh, dog.
00:15:28.820 I'm talking about aliens, dog.
00:15:30.320 You like area 51, dog?
00:15:32.160 You know what I'm talking about?
00:15:33.580 Area 151?
00:15:35.460 And I was like, que, que, que, que?
00:15:38.000 Bro, I fucking.
00:15:39.720 And dude, the crazy part is everybody there is talking about aliens.
00:15:43.180 And the aliens are the people, bro.
00:15:47.820 We went into the, um.
00:15:50.260 We went to a Love's gas station because everything shuts down in Abbey.
00:15:56.280 At probably about midnight.
00:15:58.220 Or probably at 10 p.m.
00:16:01.020 Bro, we had to walk.
00:16:03.500 Because one of the Ubers, the man said, I ain't coming over there.
00:16:06.120 I'm like, all right, fuck my heart.
00:16:08.340 You know, we'll figure it out.
00:16:09.920 We'll do old fashioned.
00:16:11.540 So we walked.
00:16:12.940 You know, the original Ubers, baby.
00:16:14.620 You know what I'm talking about?
00:16:15.340 Feet and kneecaps, baby.
00:16:17.380 That freaking ligament.
00:16:18.620 That, you know.
00:16:20.140 Them little ligament.
00:16:22.920 You know, them bangers, baby.
00:16:24.660 Them lifters, legs.
00:16:27.240 I'm like, all right, we'll use these bitches.
00:16:29.680 And so we start walking.
00:16:31.320 First guy we see has a sword.
00:16:35.900 Okay, that's wild.
00:16:37.940 Guy had a sword on him.
00:16:39.260 He was a grown man, too.
00:16:40.560 And we just didn't want to kind of, he was, he was a lot, he was walking around, but you
00:16:46.220 could tell he was asleep.
00:16:48.520 So he's one of those sleep swordsers.
00:16:50.120 So it was just one of those, he's almost like one of those, like on a game, on a video game.
00:16:55.400 If you don't get close to them, they don't know you're there, kind of.
00:16:57.460 He was like that.
00:16:58.120 So like, all right, let's just maneuver around this little guardian of the Greyhound.
00:17:05.780 He was basically guarding a Greyhound station.
00:17:09.700 But anyway, what was I talking about?
00:17:11.820 Oh, Albuquerque.
00:17:12.580 Yeah, but everybody there, they talk about the alien, but the aliens are there amongst
00:17:16.360 the people.
00:17:17.080 They're so mixed in.
00:17:18.700 And we went to a gas station and this guy in there was just walking like, just like,
00:17:24.940 he moved like his head, he kept moving his arms up above his heads while he walked.
00:17:29.420 Like, oh, dog, I'm looking for some Rolos.
00:17:36.220 I'm looking for a whatchamacallit.
00:17:38.140 And everybody there had a parole officer with them.
00:17:41.040 And that blew my mind.
00:17:43.220 But that's solid police work.
00:17:45.640 And thank you.
00:17:47.900 That was great, man.
00:17:50.040 Over there in the Albuquerque.
00:17:52.840 That was great.
00:17:54.400 We saw that.
00:17:57.400 What else happened, man?
00:17:59.420 Yeah, I tried to do meet and greets after the shows in most of the city.
00:18:04.140 I tried to pop out and say, hey, if I have the energy for it.
00:18:07.840 And we made it over there through Midland and Lubbock.
00:18:11.840 And we made it over there through, where else were we?
00:18:17.060 Dallas.
00:18:18.700 Beautiful, man.
00:18:20.500 You know, thank you all to Texas.
00:18:21.560 And then we, you know, this past week we made it through Georgia and over there to Alabama.
00:18:25.620 And what else happened?
00:18:28.020 And, oh, oh, also in Albuquerque, they're like, dog, you got to try the chilies, dog.
00:18:32.140 Have you had the green chilies?
00:18:34.480 Dude, somebody, bro.
00:18:35.760 That place is crazy, dude.
00:18:41.580 I went, I went to like this meeting there.
00:18:47.400 You know, I got 51 days sober right now.
00:18:49.580 So that's where I'm at.
00:18:51.420 And I'm feeling very grateful for that.
00:18:57.180 And so I went to this meeting.
00:18:59.000 And the other dude, I know you're not supposed to talk about what happens in meetings.
00:19:01.880 That's fine.
00:19:02.560 I was at a meeting once.
00:19:03.980 Then I'll say it like this.
00:19:05.280 And it was just me and someone else.
00:19:07.120 And the man was hitting on me, bro, in there.
00:19:11.080 Like, dude, I'm trying to get sober, dog.
00:19:15.520 Not gayed out.
00:19:17.820 You know?
00:19:18.560 So it was just like, dang, bro, you got to watch that stuff.
00:19:23.260 So if you're at a meeting and a guy takes his shoes off, dude.
00:19:29.520 And he started doing that cat's cradle thing with his shoelaces.
00:19:34.020 He took them out of his shoes and was doing cat's cradle with them.
00:19:37.660 I'm like, God, you know?
00:19:40.140 But in Abbey, they always want you to try the green chilies.
00:19:49.760 People are like, dog, my cousin got attacked by two guys with lightsabers, you know?
00:19:56.780 But have you had the green chilies?
00:20:00.140 Like, that's all it is there.
00:20:02.200 It's like, man, my friend got run over by a Volkswagen.
00:20:05.680 But have you had the green chilies?
00:20:11.740 People are like, dude, man, my wife fell off a building last week.
00:20:16.700 And it was, you know, nobody knows what happened.
00:20:19.380 I was up there with her.
00:20:20.560 And we got in an argument.
00:20:23.100 And she went off the edge.
00:20:24.300 And, uh.
00:20:27.260 And damn, have you had the green chilies, man?
00:20:29.900 Because they are good.
00:20:31.920 So it's just that kind of place.
00:20:33.260 It's that green chili belt over there.
00:20:34.500 And look, I will say this.
00:20:35.800 They are good.
00:20:37.880 Everybody in Albuquerque seem like they are waiting for a Greyhound bus,
00:20:42.880 even if they're not at a Greyhound station.
00:20:45.840 I feel like everybody has luggage.
00:20:48.040 Everybody, like, has a ticket.
00:20:55.340 Like, I'm waiting for the train.
00:20:58.140 And they're just, there's not even near any tracks.
00:21:00.300 It's just, it's just a unique area.
00:21:02.440 You know?
00:21:02.780 Even birds are like, man, fuck, dog.
00:21:07.000 What the fuck is happening here?
00:21:11.040 But I'll say this.
00:21:11.920 The people that came out, beautiful folks.
00:21:14.680 And thank you guys for having me, man.
00:21:18.040 I really appreciate it.
00:21:19.080 Then we made it through Lubbock and Midland and over to Dallas.
00:21:21.940 And that was amazing.
00:21:22.900 And then, what else?
00:21:26.060 Oh, we went to Savannah, Georgia.
00:21:27.180 We got a lot more things to talk about.
00:21:28.440 A lot of great calls came in, man.
00:21:32.360 And I'm feeling good.
00:21:34.740 And I'm feeling good.
00:21:35.640 And I want to thank you guys for your support.
00:21:39.320 I want to let you know that, oh, I will be in Florida in two weeks.
00:21:44.100 You can see me over there.
00:21:46.880 June 23rd, Hollywood, Florida.
00:21:49.620 June 24th, Fort Myers, Florida.
00:21:52.280 June 25th, Daytona Beach, Florida.
00:21:54.160 And June 26th, Lakeland, Florida.
00:22:01.100 Yeah, and I also want to let you know that we have the NBA championships are going on.
00:22:09.140 You know, it's Dallas and Golden State.
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00:23:01.680 Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply.
00:23:03.300 See show for details.
00:23:08.760 And we have notes.
00:23:11.560 A disclaimer for that in the episode of the show.
00:23:14.080 In the show's notes.
00:23:15.520 And also, if you have a gambling addiction or something like that,
00:23:18.300 then I recommend that you do not gamble and that you reach out for help.
00:23:21.400 What else?
00:23:26.320 Oh, I want to say protein powder can be intimidating.
00:23:29.860 You know, sometimes you open up a can and you hear guys in there and they're, you know,
00:23:33.060 they have baseball bats and they're really, you know, they're talking smack and stuff.
00:23:37.620 And you're like, oh, this protein powder sounds, it's intense.
00:23:42.400 But the fact is we all need protein.
00:23:44.620 A great percentage of your body is protein.
00:23:46.960 Think about that.
00:23:48.520 Look at an animal.
00:23:50.260 Touch it.
00:23:50.700 What's that?
00:23:51.840 Protein mostly.
00:23:53.600 It's not just about muscles.
00:23:54.880 Protein helps support bone health and satiety.
00:23:59.960 Satiety.
00:24:01.100 And as we go through life, protein needs change.
00:24:03.600 So it's important to choose a mix for different life stages.
00:24:07.480 Rituals.
00:24:08.320 Rituals.
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00:24:13.800 designed to meet the body's changing protein needs.
00:24:16.120 I like this plant protein, man.
00:24:18.600 I like plant protein.
00:24:20.700 Um, they have the daily shake 50 plus, which adds calcium HMB to the mix, helping to build
00:24:27.700 and maintain muscle mass for healthy, active aging.
00:24:30.160 If you are aging, Callan, they have daily shake pregnancy and postpartum.
00:24:35.540 If you have a baby, uh, or your pregnancy or lactation, this, this, this stuff will bound
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00:24:43.000 You feed that baby with that dang milk rocket.
00:24:44.920 So the ritual difference, uh, one of a kind of visible supply chain, you know, what, how,
00:24:51.160 and why of every labeled ingredient.
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00:24:56.860 There you go.
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00:25:03.360 Visit ritual.com slash T H E O today for 10% off your first three months.
00:25:09.700 Thank you for supporting the podcast.
00:25:12.480 And just thank you guys for coming out, man.
00:25:14.160 Just seeing everybody's faces, getting to shake hands with people.
00:25:17.500 Um, and just to be in the same room, you know, uh, I wish I could just spend the hour
00:25:25.140 or just get off the stage and just walk around and just give a damn hug to everyone.
00:25:28.420 Um, but, uh, but we did what we could and thank you to everybody that came out.
00:25:35.280 Where else, what else can we talk about here?
00:25:38.360 Um, oh, the bus broke down that bastard.
00:25:40.820 Now that thing had some, I mean, it was, I mean, that thing, it looked like it had, it
00:25:46.740 was just made out of dang, uh, you know, like, um, it would just like, it would just
00:25:55.000 had that dirty diaper vibe from the jump.
00:25:58.900 It was, uh, I know there was a pair of, um, men's boots, small men's boots under my bed.
00:26:08.440 And it was interesting.
00:26:09.300 I thought there was children's boots when I saw them.
00:26:11.480 I said, this is children's boots.
00:26:12.940 And it's a little creepy to have children's boots under your bed on a bus.
00:26:16.720 That's, you know, strange.
00:26:19.120 And the bedding looked like they had just beaten it out of Clint Eastwood.
00:26:22.300 Like somebody tied it up and they just punched him so many times that a damn, you know, bedroom
00:26:27.420 set popped right out of his skull.
00:26:30.540 It was just had her old, you know, uh, older motif kind of, uh, Western kind of, uh, you
00:26:38.120 know, uh, kind of like somebody, you know, so I don't know you could, I bet it felt like
00:26:45.200 something bad had happened to native Americans in the area of the blanket.
00:26:48.540 But that's what it felt like if it was an old blanket anyway, they had children's boots
00:26:53.400 under the bed, but on the back of the children's boot, it said men's on it.
00:26:59.100 And that's when you got to really question what's going on.
00:27:04.180 When somebody's writing men's on the back of a children's boot.
00:27:09.600 So, so anyway, what else do we have, man?
00:27:16.160 Um, a lot of people came out, people with damn tits, people, one leg, no leg, half, dude
00:27:24.240 came out half a head, dude came out no teeth, bro, lost all his teeth, he said.
00:27:27.720 For two years, he's had no teeth.
00:27:29.140 And, um, beautiful, beautiful dude.
00:27:34.020 So, I don't know what he, he also, he started saying something else, I had no idea what he
00:27:37.080 said, because the teeth help a little when you word now, but that fella came out, a couple
00:27:41.740 of people with wet hands came out, I remember that.
00:27:45.200 Um, somebody, oh, people left gifts, uh, a lot of nice things, this and that.
00:27:51.620 Um, and then we hit also, uh, some other places out there, Savannah, uh, and, um, Augusta, Georgia.
00:28:04.560 And that, I mean, some of these towns, you get out, I mean, Augusta, there's nothing downtown.
00:28:09.620 There's not even a goat, you can't even, they don't even do, uh, Montgomery we went to, Alabama.
00:28:15.820 You know, um, and that's Rosa Parks country over there.
00:28:19.180 And Rosa Dunn Park somewhere else, because there's nobody downtown there either.
00:28:24.200 That place, I mean, they didn't even have ghosts.
00:28:26.260 Even the ghosts are gone.
00:28:27.280 They used to do ghost tours.
00:28:28.780 And now I thought, saw things that ghost tours closed.
00:28:32.240 Even the ghosts have left.
00:28:36.220 And that's when it's, you know, when not only do humans leave, but then even the spirit,
00:28:41.480 you know, you know, that there's a, there's a bus full of, you know, just realms and,
00:28:47.260 and ghosts leave in town.
00:28:52.140 I'd love to see the cops pull that bus over.
00:28:55.540 Just stops and there's no, the license and registration is just nothing is sitting there.
00:29:00.740 Um, but yeah, man, just great shows.
00:29:09.580 Thank you to everybody that came out.
00:29:10.560 A lot of great energy, just beautiful folks.
00:29:12.440 And, uh, I wish I'd have gotten to say to everyone in person, but just a lot of kind messages and,
00:29:17.720 and things that I did hear from people.
00:29:19.160 And so thank you.
00:29:20.560 Uh, what else, man?
00:29:21.820 Um, oh, my boy, tight Ernie came out growing up.
00:29:26.820 This fellow we grew up in named tight Ernie and he was tight, boy.
00:29:30.600 His body was just damn, I mean, just condensed like a damn twix, bro.
00:29:35.100 You know, his spine was real narrow, you know, like one of those kind of fat orange extension cords.
00:29:42.120 That bitch was real, I mean, it was a, just a, you know, it was a, just a, you know, it was that, it was a,
00:29:51.740 it was a lean portal he had on him.
00:29:54.840 He was just real.
00:29:55.560 His whole body was tight and condensed, you know?
00:29:58.960 Um, if he lifted his right arm, you know, to shake your hand, his left leg would go up.
00:30:04.340 He was just, his whole body was just real condensed like that.
00:30:07.520 And, uh, they call him tight Ernie, baby, and he's, you know, he could hear, I mean, his son,
00:30:12.680 and when he, his windpipe was tight, he was, you know, he had that tight pipe on him.
00:30:19.040 And when he talked, it was,
00:30:20.220 He's wind, how you doing?
00:30:24.280 He's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, he's going, tomorrow is my birthday.
00:30:35.100 I mean, like, his daddy had just damn fucked a flute, you know what I'm talking about.
00:30:40.740 Somebody in that family, you know, got a little, uh, risque with a, um, what is it?
00:30:48.460 With a woodwind, you know what I'm saying?
00:30:50.140 You know, somebody definitely, somebody was, somebody was putting wood into a woodwind, baby,
00:30:55.200 in that family because that dude, fucking damn, boy.
00:30:59.020 And I grew up with that fella, man, so it was just crazy to see him.
00:31:01.800 And some folks brought him out because he can't drive, he can't handle that steering wheel.
00:31:06.400 You know, watching him drive, it's like if you see somebody put one of those, the club,
00:31:09.620 they used to put the club on their car, on the steering wheel so nobody would steal it.
00:31:14.040 That's like watching him drive.
00:31:15.200 He's just so tight and concise.
00:31:17.920 You know, he's just built like a damn, um, you know, he's built like a, uh,
00:31:22.920 let me look at these woodwind instruments.
00:31:28.220 What are nine woodwind instruments?
00:31:29.560 Oh, yeah, he's built like a damn oboe or a bass clarinet, bro.
00:31:35.940 There you go.
00:31:37.420 Um, but yeah, great times, man, great times.
00:31:41.760 What else happened?
00:31:43.780 Everything, man.
00:31:44.920 You guys had some calls.
00:31:46.020 That's really what I want to get to.
00:31:47.100 I want to get to you guys calling in and, uh, just hear what's up with y'all, you know?
00:31:50.960 Um, but yeah, I'm just trying to stay alive and stay happy and stay well, man,
00:31:59.680 and I hope that's the same thing that you are doing.
00:32:03.720 Um, I know you are.
00:32:07.060 What else do we have?
00:32:07.920 Some calls came in.
00:32:08.640 Let's just get into a couple.
00:32:09.400 Um, I felt like it was something else fun I was going to tell you, but I might have forgot it.
00:32:18.220 Oh, the bus broke down and they gave us a new bus.
00:32:20.820 They got us a new bus.
00:32:21.780 Took a couple days.
00:32:23.340 But we drove for like nine hours just in the back of the bus.
00:32:26.060 No power, nothing.
00:32:27.060 Just hot in there.
00:32:28.220 Just bacon.
00:32:29.100 I mean, just, you know, like somebody just like the toaster, you know, just like a little toaster.
00:32:35.780 And that bitch, I got out of that thing.
00:32:37.540 Finally, I wanted to put damn butter on my back and eat my ass, bro.
00:32:41.160 You know what I'm saying, dude?
00:32:41.980 It just, you know, I wanted to put a dang little, uh, preserves up and down my legs and back
00:32:47.620 because I was lightly, just a little bit browned on the outside, brother.
00:32:51.540 You know what I'm saying?
00:32:52.900 Affirmative action, baby.
00:32:55.020 That affirmative action stroller, that's what we were in because I was just baked when I
00:32:59.120 got out that bad.
00:32:59.920 Boy, I was browned out.
00:33:01.120 Praise God.
00:33:02.620 Now, before we get into, um, the new, the, the calls, let's get into a little bit of news,
00:33:09.620 a little bit of intel, baby.
00:33:11.940 And you know what I do for my news, baby?
00:33:13.740 I take my news straight out of the nearest Asian, baby, right off the press, baby.
00:33:18.160 God's freaking publishing company, bro.
00:33:20.020 You know what I'm talking about?
00:33:20.920 There is, that, that's facts.
00:33:24.040 That's all facts.
00:33:25.160 You, you, you freaking get to know a good Asian person and that's facts, son.
00:33:30.000 Xerox ain't got shit on a good Vietnamese friend, brother, Polynesian.
00:33:35.780 What you got there, Rally Mal?
00:33:38.400 Uh, nothing much.
00:33:39.600 Great to be here.
00:33:40.780 Yeah, nice to hear you today, man.
00:33:42.440 You sound, um, your voice sounds a little bit deeper.
00:33:46.840 Say something for me.
00:33:47.640 Uh, hey, Theo, how's it going?
00:33:51.260 Yeah, it's interesting.
00:33:52.240 Have you been doing any different activities, you know, uh, do you give a birthday?
00:33:57.780 Have you been, um, eating anything that would make you sound strong or doing any thing like
00:34:05.420 that manly stuff?
00:34:06.480 You've been watching any, uh, fights or Westerns, anything going like that in your world?
00:34:11.600 Um, I've been drinking lots of protein powder, eating lots of protein.
00:34:16.060 Oh, really?
00:34:16.920 Yeah.
00:34:17.600 Oh, wow.
00:34:18.160 And what's got you doing that?
00:34:19.980 Um, I'm actually with a trainer.
00:34:22.640 He's been, um, working out with me.
00:34:25.860 Oh, that's great, man.
00:34:27.100 And what are some of your long-term goals with, uh, fitness?
00:34:30.460 Uh, just, uh, you know, be fit.
00:34:32.360 Don't get fat.
00:34:33.440 Um.
00:34:34.800 You have fat family?
00:34:36.320 I do not.
00:34:37.320 Praise God, brother.
00:34:39.760 Ah, it's hard to trust a fully lean family, I've always thought.
00:34:43.360 If I see a family and everybody's lean, it's hard to, it's hard to trust everybody over
00:34:48.120 there.
00:34:49.780 Um, what else is going on with you, man?
00:34:52.720 You, you feeling good?
00:34:54.300 I did have a kidney stone.
00:34:55.900 You did?
00:34:56.960 I did.
00:34:57.940 Wow.
00:34:58.400 And what do you, what do you think it was caused by?
00:35:00.260 Damn, baby, that's the Lord's Fruity Pebble Dog and you had that bitch, huh?
00:35:03.880 Yeah, I have no idea.
00:35:05.320 Um, I'm supposed to find out from the doctor in a little bit.
00:35:09.100 And how big was it?
00:35:10.120 Did they let you keep it?
00:35:11.600 No, they didn't let me keep it, but I caught it and it's like very, very small.
00:35:17.200 Wow.
00:35:18.220 Like a pebble.
00:35:19.700 Hmm.
00:35:20.680 And, um, what did you do with it?
00:35:22.860 You turned it in?
00:35:24.220 Yes.
00:35:25.020 Wow.
00:35:26.220 Cause I don't know if those are catch and release or not.
00:35:28.360 I don't know what the legal, I don't know what they let you do there.
00:35:31.660 Uh, I don't know what the, you know, park rangers or whatever would do with that, but
00:35:37.000 cause I'd be, you know, I'd be, damn, you get pulled over and you got five or six of
00:35:41.040 those in your, you know, in your car or whatever.
00:35:45.420 Um, yeah, we had a buddy in high school.
00:35:47.740 His dad had them.
00:35:48.840 He took them one out at a party and drank three of them.
00:35:51.820 And then he had to get them, um, surgically removed out of his, uh, penis.
00:35:57.140 So what's up with you and God, baby?
00:36:01.300 How's God treating you, Riley?
00:36:02.720 Uh, he's great.
00:36:04.360 Isn't he?
00:36:05.200 He is.
00:36:05.860 He really is, man.
00:36:07.020 Man, he has just all the silverware, brother.
00:36:09.920 I know that.
00:36:11.200 And when I need a, when I just need something to pick me up, he's got a fork, a spoon.
00:36:15.860 And then I need something to just ding, you know, just slice right into my damn heart.
00:36:22.260 He's got a knife.
00:36:24.780 Praise God, brother.
00:36:25.800 Uh, in the news, what do we got there, Riley?
00:36:29.060 Anything happen in the news?
00:36:31.200 Um, let's see.
00:36:32.680 A Disney worker ruined a proposal.
00:36:35.820 Oh, really?
00:36:36.680 Let me see.
00:36:37.220 Do we have a video?
00:36:37.780 Is that here?
00:36:38.500 Yes.
00:36:39.320 Let me look at this.
00:36:40.400 And you know what it is, man, and I don't want to say this, really, and I don't know this.
00:36:59.040 But a lot of, uh, uh, uh, Disney is known, it's really a hotbed for, um, a lot of gay men go work.
00:37:10.920 It's their first step out into, uh, a place where they're really, I think, you know, a lot of, it's a mecca for gay men.
00:37:18.240 It's basically the wailing wall in a lot of ways, or it's like, um, what's another mecca, Riley?
00:37:26.520 Um, like a popular place people go to.
00:37:36.700 Build-a-bear.
00:37:37.420 No, that's, that's, no, like a popular, popular place that people go to.
00:37:44.620 Like a, you know, a national monument or something.
00:37:49.160 All right, thank you for the help, brother.
00:37:51.040 It's, um, you know, it's like a, uh, Disneyland has long been a hotbed for, it's like a, it's kind of a, uh, homoerotic sort of, um, a halfway house.
00:38:07.740 For young gay men, I believe.
00:38:09.680 Have you ever heard this, Riley?
00:38:11.280 I have.
00:38:13.000 And there you go.
00:38:14.820 And, um, and so I don't want to, I don't know what this is.
00:38:18.480 Maybe this guy doesn't believe in opposite sex marriage or something.
00:38:23.480 I don't know.
00:38:25.340 Uh, so I'm not accusing anybody.
00:38:28.320 I'm saying that that could be something that has occurred.
00:38:32.680 Um, there could be some opposition to that in that realm.
00:38:35.680 Um, uh, you also, uh, maybe they just don't let people get married there.
00:38:43.500 Because if you notice, a lot of the different, um, cartoons don't have parents.
00:38:50.340 They want you to believe they all magically occurred and there wasn't any sex, you know?
00:38:54.020 Nobody wants to think of like a wet, uh, what's a popular Disney character, Riley Mal?
00:39:02.720 Mickey Mouse.
00:39:03.360 Nobody wants to think of a, you know, Mickey Mouse covered in amniotic.
00:39:08.220 And a little, you know, maybe a couple of duties under him or whatever from a crazy birth.
00:39:13.220 You know, from coming down the damn, um, you know, the, uh, Thunder Mountain.
00:39:18.740 Mom's Thunder Mountain.
00:39:19.580 Um, so, praise God, baby.
00:39:22.780 But, uh, yeah, I guess they, they, they, the man said no.
00:39:26.260 He said, you go on out of here.
00:39:28.500 And come back with a, come back with a pretty little, come back with a buddy.
00:39:34.000 Or something.
00:39:34.660 Who knows?
00:39:35.080 I don't know.
00:39:35.400 But they're not letting them do it.
00:39:37.180 And, uh, it's kind of a bummer.
00:39:38.920 I think if you, you see that in the wedding video, it just promotes Disneyland.
00:39:42.120 But maybe they'd have people doing it all day.
00:39:44.700 So that could also be an issue.
00:39:45.980 What else we got, Riley?
00:39:46.660 Let's get into one more news story.
00:39:48.120 Um, let's see.
00:39:52.740 Oh, uh, some TikTok pediatricians urge people to stop sharing dangerous baby formula recipes.
00:40:00.100 Okay.
00:40:00.880 And were you baby formulaed, Riley?
00:40:02.420 Do you remember?
00:40:02.960 Were you, uh, were you on the, on the bag or were you on the tit?
00:40:09.220 I don't remember.
00:40:11.740 Huh.
00:40:12.400 No recollection?
00:40:14.420 No.
00:40:15.320 Even if you purse your lips a little, does anything come back to your memory?
00:40:18.120 Mm-hmm.
00:40:22.120 No.
00:40:23.160 Nothing to mind.
00:40:24.980 But they say, yeah, people making dirty baby formula on here.
00:40:29.100 Um, I'm, I'm not, I'm not shocked.
00:40:32.400 You know, people are doing stuff on ticket, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
00:40:37.340 People doing bad stuff on there.
00:40:39.300 Everything.
00:40:39.880 Fake gasoline.
00:40:41.540 All kind of shit.
00:40:42.520 They have people said they came back from the past and shit on there.
00:40:45.540 Time travelers, all this shit.
00:40:46.820 People believe it.
00:40:48.120 People believe it.
00:40:48.980 And, you know, I guess it's, you know, I think if you go in there to get a recipe for, you
00:40:54.300 know, a, um, a booyah base or a good soup, that's quality.
00:40:58.400 But if you go in there to get a damn, uh, something to put into a damn newborn and you're
00:41:03.040 going to put a damn 98 octane into that bastard or put something that, you know, has a afrin in
00:41:09.960 it or something like that, that's poor choice.
00:41:12.760 That's poor choice.
00:41:15.700 What else?
00:41:16.920 Okay.
00:41:17.800 Let's do a couple more ads and we'll get into some calls, man.
00:41:19.780 We had some great ones from you guys.
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00:42:14.300 you have more of a control over what's going in you than just dousing yourself with that
00:42:19.560 dirty fricking, you know, just that primate-ish coffee.
00:42:25.540 So, um, yep, you'll enjoy it.
00:42:28.360 Uh, you can add some honey if you want.
00:42:30.000 You can add a little bit of nut milk if you want and look, get that out of whatever nuts
00:42:33.500 you want, baby.
00:42:34.540 That's God's plan.
00:42:36.860 Mud is Whole30 approved, 100% USDA organic, non-GMO, gluten-free, vegan and kosher.
00:42:44.300 Go to mudwater, M-U-D-W-T-R dot com slash Theo to support the show and use code Theo for 15%
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00:42:53.440 Go to M-U-D-W-T-R dot com slash Theo and use code Theo for 15% off.
00:43:04.140 You know, it can be hard sometimes to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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00:43:17.320 card debt.
00:43:18.600 You know, I had a card I was paying on for a while.
00:43:20.680 I didn't even realize I was spending about an extra $70 a month.
00:43:24.980 It took me about a year and a half to realize like, dang man, I could have been saving, but
00:43:28.680 I didn't know.
00:43:29.980 Can't be too hard on myself.
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00:44:33.360 All right.
00:44:34.200 Let's get into a couple of calls here from you guys.
00:44:36.340 Thank you.
00:44:36.900 And as always, the hotline is 985-664-9503.
00:44:44.200 Theo, it's Jonah from Seattle, Washington, man.
00:44:47.000 Jonah up there.
00:44:51.220 And Jonah is a name of a famous whale, too, if you ever looked at that in the Bible or
00:44:56.880 in, I don't know if it's in the Bible or if it's just outside of the Bible, but Jonah
00:45:04.700 was a famous whale.
00:45:07.200 Onward.
00:45:07.720 In Seattle area, man, we get pretty crazy with the weed, man.
00:45:12.040 And, you know, I grew up, ever since I was 13, been smoking weed.
00:45:16.360 And it's definitely an area of my life that, you know, nothing wrong with it, but it's an
00:45:20.540 area of my life I want to grow in because I can tell it's definitely taking a strong grip.
00:45:25.200 Oh, yeah.
00:45:26.660 Weedle.
00:45:28.120 It's comfortable.
00:45:30.000 It's comfortable.
00:45:30.700 It's like walking around with a, you know, just a pillow, just, you know, party.
00:45:39.020 It's like a pillow party.
00:45:40.080 Hey, I'm having fun.
00:45:41.960 My brain's kind of fun.
00:45:43.780 Looks cool.
00:45:44.740 Looks cool out here.
00:45:46.240 What's going on?
00:45:47.900 Oh, I lost my job.
00:45:50.080 Oh.
00:45:51.780 Oh, all right.
00:45:53.840 Oh, Dunkin' Donuts.
00:45:56.260 You know, that's weed.
00:45:57.620 Let's hear it.
00:45:58.200 That's weed in my life, you know, and I definitely don't know how it is in Louisiana.
00:46:04.060 I was wondering, out there in Louisiana, man, what does it look like dealing with the people
00:46:09.180 who are always stoned?
00:46:10.600 Do you even see them?
00:46:12.280 Well, look, brother, I'll tell you this, man.
00:46:13.760 I grew up in Louisiana, and it's a beautiful place, dude.
00:46:16.660 If you believe in beauty, then you believe in that state.
00:46:20.840 And it's one of the top 50 states, and it's Louisiana Purchase.
00:46:25.680 We did that.
00:46:26.460 So, half y'all would be Canadian if we hadn't done the deal.
00:46:32.840 You're welcome.
00:46:34.540 But I want to say this.
00:46:35.440 I remember weed was fun.
00:46:37.480 Weed was fun back in the day.
00:46:40.140 You know, you get that swamp gas, baby, and it start huffing it up.
00:46:43.920 And that shit was brown, bro.
00:46:45.320 Some of it have a damn gator claw in it.
00:46:47.540 Or a damn little falcon, half a falcon nut in that bastard.
00:46:51.060 Weed, Louisiana.
00:46:52.320 Weed, baby, damn.
00:46:53.380 That thing, bro, you'd take a hit of it, and the water level in your yard would rise.
00:46:58.200 That shit was, whew.
00:47:00.140 That shit was thick, boy.
00:47:02.220 That shit was thick.
00:47:04.760 You know, that thing, dude, you damn, uh.
00:47:07.440 I mean, they had just trimmed, baby.
00:47:09.340 That shit was that, you know, that fucking, that.
00:47:12.280 That, they'd trim those Reggie Bushes, bro.
00:47:14.900 And you hit that slam Jordan, dog.
00:47:16.880 You know what I'm saying, baby.
00:47:17.760 That shit was south.
00:47:20.060 And I loved getting high as a child.
00:47:21.980 It was great.
00:47:22.480 I don't care where you were.
00:47:24.700 You know, uh.
00:47:28.060 Dude, I remember the weed.
00:47:30.300 You get a bag of weed on it, and if you didn't want to, uh.
00:47:32.780 Smoke it.
00:47:33.340 They'd have a damn recipe for you.
00:47:36.040 Uh.
00:47:36.660 Make you a little bit of A2 faded, you know.
00:47:39.520 Some, um.
00:47:41.580 You know, get you a little bit of, uh.
00:47:43.240 Just that gumbo.
00:47:44.840 Just that freaking.
00:47:45.840 Get your brains all, you know.
00:47:48.720 You'd have your brain just fucking looking for itself, bro.
00:47:52.260 You know, you could feel your brain looking for itself, dog.
00:47:54.820 That shit get you gassed up.
00:47:56.980 That shit will have you singing the national anthem, bro.
00:48:00.260 At a, um.
00:48:02.660 That shit will have you singing the national anthem to a spice rack, dog.
00:48:05.800 That's that Louisiana swamp gas.
00:48:08.040 Yeah, getting high in Louisiana was fun, man, as a child.
00:48:10.940 And getting high anywhere as a child is great.
00:48:13.080 If you can do it, do it then, and do it well.
00:48:16.100 And do it high.
00:48:18.320 And I remember we used to be over at my buddy's house.
00:48:21.520 And, um.
00:48:23.060 We used to get high over there.
00:48:25.440 And his daddy wasn't super.
00:48:27.060 His daddy wasn't super fond of gays at the time.
00:48:30.060 He didn't.
00:48:30.640 He wasn't anti-gay.
00:48:31.700 He just didn't know anything about it.
00:48:33.140 And it made him real uncomfortable.
00:48:36.620 So me and my friend and my other friend, we'd go outside.
00:48:39.000 We'd smoke weed.
00:48:39.800 I'd come back in early to the house.
00:48:42.160 I'd be the first one back in.
00:48:43.720 And I would go to my buddy's dad.
00:48:45.380 I would know about that kind of gay trigger he had.
00:48:48.080 And I would just tell him.
00:48:49.160 I'd be like, hey, Mr. Mike, you know.
00:48:50.440 You know, they were kind of being a little, I don't know what they were doing, sir.
00:48:55.880 They just, I saw him kind of like, you know, somebody took their shirt off for no reason outside.
00:49:02.360 I just, some of the stuff has just made me uncomfortable, right?
00:49:05.700 So then my two buddies would come back into the house, stoned out the gills, baby.
00:49:11.160 I mean, just fucking fish food, and baby, they wasn't doing well.
00:49:15.000 And now suddenly my buddy's dad is grilling them about being gay.
00:49:18.520 And they don't know that I told the dad the stuff.
00:49:21.120 So I used to love that kind of shit, man, creating ambiance, you know, creating ambiance that, you know, that shit was just so good.
00:49:34.060 That shit was fun, baby.
00:49:35.340 Those were the good old days.
00:49:37.280 You ever done anything like that, Riley?
00:49:39.040 You never smoked any weed, have you, Bubba?
00:49:41.540 I have not.
00:49:42.960 And are you afraid?
00:49:44.160 Do you believe that getting high could lead people to homosexuality?
00:49:49.280 Possibly.
00:49:51.120 I mean, there's a lot of, there was a lot of drug-induced gay activity when I was young, but that was higher octane drugs.
00:50:02.340 You're looking at methamphetamine, you're looking at stuff like that.
00:50:05.140 But low-grade branch dope, I don't know if that would get somebody all the way to the, you know, onto another fellow's peg or sweat wallet, you know, if it's women.
00:50:15.920 Let's hear more.
00:50:16.500 Let's get another call that came in, man.
00:50:18.120 Yeah, this is Josh from Australia.
00:50:21.820 My topic is nipple piercings.
00:50:24.540 I've just recently started dating this girl, and she's got two nipple piercings.
00:50:29.040 I don't really know what to think about it.
00:50:30.340 I haven't read too much into it.
00:50:32.400 But I also want to know what your thoughts are on the listeners' thoughts on chicks or dudes with nipple piercings.
00:50:37.660 Like, what does that say about someone?
00:50:38.980 Look, man, I think it says, for one, that they, you know, they got no excuse not to have a spare house key on them.
00:50:47.700 That is for sure.
00:50:49.280 They should be able to usually get one extra hanging on there, you know, so that's not a bad deal at all.
00:50:54.060 Never get locked out.
00:50:55.020 That nipple piercing, I think it's kind of, it definitely seems sexy on a woman when you think she's got nails right through her tits, you know.
00:51:05.120 That's really, there's something erotic and almost biblical about it, you know, because they put God on the cross, baby.
00:51:13.180 So everybody kind of has had their moment in the, you know, in the metal sun, if you will.
00:51:19.560 So I don't think it's insane to want to get pierced up and put holes in your body or something like that.
00:51:25.680 And I think if a woman got it, you know, I actually made love to a woman recently, and she had, she was really, she had some piercings on her.
00:51:33.880 You know, she had them hooters really, she had them, you know, I mean, she'd taken them hooters to damn Home Depot, baby.
00:51:42.340 You know what I'm saying?
00:51:43.020 She had some real, you know, she had some real metallurgy done on those things.
00:51:50.480 I mean, it could have been a welder hanging off the bottom of one of them bitches, baby.
00:51:53.420 She had them things, she had some real, you know, she had some, one of them had a damn door knocker on it.
00:51:58.720 You know, that thing was, hello.
00:52:01.340 So, so yeah, I like them.
00:52:05.580 I like them, and oh man, I think it's crazy.
00:52:07.800 You know, I remember one time I was doing a tour somewhere in Africa with military, British military, I think.
00:52:14.840 And I fell in there, he pulled out his wiener, and he had a big piercing on it, and it looked insane, bro.
00:52:22.080 And I think the guy was, you know what I'm saying?
00:52:26.680 I think the guy had smoked a little too much weed, if you know what I'm saying, bro.
00:52:30.740 You know what I'm talking about.
00:52:31.900 So, praise God, brother.
00:52:36.320 What else, man?
00:52:40.680 We'll do one or two more calls here.
00:52:43.920 I appreciate you guys, as always, hitting the hotline, 985-664-9503.
00:52:52.240 Here we go.
00:52:55.020 Okay, hear me out.
00:52:57.120 I've been watching your podcast for a while now, and how would you take this, or I don't even know how to word it.
00:53:09.820 I don't know what to do.
00:53:12.540 I fucked my best friend's mom, and she won't leave me alone now.
00:53:21.780 And now I don't know what to do about it, so.
00:53:29.320 Well, I think it's a question of what kind of friend are you, brother?
00:53:36.020 You know, if you made love to your buddy's mother, of course she's going to like you.
00:53:41.080 Because if it's your best friend, he likes you.
00:53:43.220 You're best friends.
00:53:43.980 So, you're just, you know, he came out of her, so you're going back to the, you know, you're going back to the front porch of his creation and hanging out there.
00:53:56.340 So, yes, the mother's going to like you.
00:53:57.880 The kid likes you.
00:53:59.300 You know, your buddy likes you.
00:54:00.680 So, I think you got to just hit for the cycle, dude, and be a damn stepdad, brother.
00:54:09.380 You know, step up to the plate.
00:54:11.000 Who else are you going to date?
00:54:11.920 You're going to date somebody across town?
00:54:14.280 Somebody that's working over there at the Dunkin' Donuts at the drive-thru or something?
00:54:19.020 Somebody that's, you know, some weird person that when they go to a restaurant, they like fill their hand up with like salt or sugar and dip their finger in it while they're waiting to eat dinner?
00:54:30.760 And lick it and then lick the salt or sugar off?
00:54:34.440 Who are you going to date?
00:54:35.280 Somebody like that?
00:54:36.840 Or are you going to date your best friend's mom?
00:54:40.000 And go in there and be a champion, not only for her, but for your friend.
00:54:43.980 Imagine that.
00:54:47.440 Imagine one day you sit down with your buddy and say, hey, man, I love you so much as a friend that I'm going to take care of your mother for the rest of her life.
00:54:58.480 When you come over, I'm going to grill for you.
00:55:01.740 You know, I'm going to get angry at you.
00:55:04.460 I'm going to fucking make you, try and make you rake the yard.
00:55:06.860 And I'm going to fist fight you in your mother and I's own yard.
00:55:14.880 What do you want?
00:55:17.280 What does God want?
00:55:18.400 Thank you guys so much for the calls, man.
00:55:24.680 I love you guys, man.
00:55:27.460 All right.
00:55:28.580 All right.
00:55:29.120 Let's take another call here.
00:55:31.400 Hey, this is Ivan from Indian, Oklahoma.
00:55:38.500 Went to Tulsa to see you recently.
00:55:40.660 Loved it.
00:55:41.520 It was great.
00:55:42.180 Thank you, man.
00:55:44.020 Thank you for coming out.
00:55:45.080 And thank you for spending your time over there.
00:55:47.940 Yeah, that was exciting, dude.
00:55:49.160 That was an exciting night.
00:55:50.760 Onward.
00:55:52.000 I was just wondering if you had any advice.
00:55:54.180 I let my mother of my child down recently.
00:56:01.600 At least I have been for the past two years and I was a drunk.
00:56:06.720 I'm finally realizing everything and trying to be better, but apparently it's too late.
00:56:13.960 So, you know, I was wondering if you had any advice on how to keep on going, man.
00:56:19.260 Love you.
00:56:20.440 You helped me get through the hardest things.
00:56:23.620 Thank you so much, Theo.
00:56:28.320 Thank you, bro, for the call, man.
00:56:32.540 I'm sorry that you're suffering.
00:56:39.120 But also, I'm glad that you are.
00:56:42.380 You know?
00:56:43.840 And I say this.
00:56:44.940 This is why I say that.
00:56:46.200 Because, you know, it sounds like you have some realization now.
00:56:55.680 You're able to get some perspective, maybe.
00:56:57.900 That the way you've been operating has investment service in you.
00:57:01.340 Or those you care about the most.
00:57:04.660 You know?
00:57:06.000 You know, I don't have a wife or child or anything like that.
00:57:09.300 But, yeah, it breaks my heart.
00:57:11.060 Because I know it breaks your heart, man.
00:57:13.300 You know?
00:57:13.840 I know it breaks your heart to see you make the choice to not choose them.
00:57:20.900 And that I can relate to.
00:57:24.160 You know, I can relate to making choices that don't serve you.
00:57:33.720 Or me.
00:57:34.620 You know?
00:57:34.900 Or, you know, I can relate to making a choice that I know isn't good for myself.
00:57:39.200 And I do it again and again.
00:57:40.480 I can relate to that, man.
00:57:45.360 So, that's where I'm going to try to relate to you at.
00:57:49.940 For one, thank you for even thinking to bring this up.
00:57:53.080 You know?
00:57:53.540 Because I'm sure a lot of people struggle with this kind of stuff.
00:57:56.920 And I say that I'm glad you're getting, you know, I'm glad you're suffering.
00:58:00.440 I'm not glad you're suffering.
00:58:01.260 But I'm glad that you're having some realization.
00:58:04.240 Because there's some realization there in that suffering.
00:58:06.400 There's some perspective.
00:58:07.820 Because we need that.
00:58:11.400 We need something to adjust the perspective enough so we can see that the operating we're doing isn't doing us well.
00:58:18.740 And if I'm not operating well, then that means that there's something wrong with the operation or the operator.
00:58:23.900 That's me.
00:58:24.800 There's something unaligned.
00:58:25.920 It's not wrong.
00:58:26.700 It's just something unaligned.
00:58:27.860 Because I'm not choosing the best choices that are making me feel good.
00:58:31.300 And so I've got to adjust.
00:58:38.220 And for me, that's where, you know, going, leaning back into my program, 12 steps, that kind of stuff helps immensely.
00:58:44.640 It does magic behind the scenes that you can't even quantify.
00:58:53.500 And it takes away that shame.
00:58:55.320 That's what I hear in you, too.
00:58:56.500 I hear shame.
00:58:57.300 I hear shame, man.
00:59:00.740 Damn.
00:59:02.220 And shame is what, shame is that, shame is a trickster.
00:59:07.020 Shame's, you know, shame plays a dirty trombone, dog.
00:59:12.040 That's that little soil soldier, dog.
00:59:14.040 That's all he's got.
00:59:16.240 In that, in that music maker is sod, bro.
00:59:20.420 Because he's a dirty, shame is a dirty, because you start hearing, feeling your own shame.
00:59:25.020 And that keeps you stuck.
00:59:26.780 Shame is a mud.
00:59:28.260 It's a real mud.
00:59:31.480 So anyway, man, I was saying a lot of that stuff because now you have some perspective.
00:59:35.660 So now you can see you've got to make some adjustments so that you're making different choices towards the people you care about the most.
00:59:45.760 And it's possible.
00:59:46.840 That's what I'm going to tell you.
00:59:47.760 Here, I'll take these off, too.
00:59:48.760 I don't want to be talking serious with you and not be able to see you, or as best I can.
00:59:52.740 You know, it's hard to choose love sometimes in the world.
01:00:03.300 It's hard.
01:00:04.420 It's hard.
01:00:06.780 And I don't know why you're not doing it in your life.
01:00:09.040 I don't know why.
01:00:12.960 But there's a lot of people out there not doing it.
01:00:16.360 You know, I've not done it a ton.
01:00:18.000 There's areas of my life I'm not doing it.
01:00:19.660 I'm choosing something else, and I don't know why.
01:00:24.900 And you know what?
01:00:25.540 I don't exactly have to figure out that why.
01:00:27.200 What I do have to do is just get myself into a place where I'm choosing the things I need to be choosing.
01:00:32.300 And so that's where I believe that a 12-step program can help you out.
01:00:35.840 Because that has been the best success that I've had.
01:00:38.120 After all the things I've tried,
01:00:39.980 that program I feel like has best given me the opportunity
01:00:45.360 and the different feelings inside to have a new experience.
01:00:50.540 And it's not over with the gal.
01:00:52.200 That's not over.
01:00:53.540 She can't tell you that everything's going to be okay right now.
01:00:56.160 That's not fair.
01:00:56.880 That'll keep you in the same spiral.
01:00:59.540 You know?
01:01:00.300 If she throws a life preserver into the toilet,
01:01:02.860 you're still in the toilet.
01:01:05.040 You know what I'm saying, baby?
01:01:05.980 You know, we've got to get you into a damn birdbath, dog.
01:01:09.980 That's where we've got to get you.
01:01:14.080 So just don't be hard on yourself.
01:01:18.080 Just try not to be hard on yourself.
01:01:20.080 And I think try something different.
01:01:21.780 You know, I think trying a 12-step program will help a lot.
01:01:23.800 Let me listen to the end again so I can hear just again in case I'm missing.
01:01:26.740 For the past two years, I was a drunk.
01:01:31.380 I'm finally realizing everything and trying to be better.
01:01:35.380 But apparently it's too late.
01:01:38.780 So, you know, I was wondering if you had any advice on how to keep on going, man.
01:01:43.920 Love you.
01:01:47.020 And the advice will start to come from a higher power and from the program.
01:01:50.600 So that will help you.
01:01:52.040 You'll get it.
01:01:52.900 It's interesting.
01:01:53.800 It'll start to get built into you.
01:01:55.680 You just keep going to meetings and keep listening to people.
01:01:58.700 And I would go to speaker meetings.
01:02:00.020 You can go to them on Zoom first if you feel more comfortable.
01:02:03.940 Um...
01:02:05.380 And...
01:02:07.380 Because once you start to feel like you can keep on going, then you're going to feel like you can go further.
01:02:12.940 But first, you've got to feel like you can go.
01:02:16.140 And then it will all evolve, man.
01:02:18.340 I promise you.
01:02:20.340 I promise you.
01:02:21.980 You will have other opportunities with this person, with this child.
01:02:26.660 You will have all of that.
01:02:27.680 You know, all those things are possible.
01:02:31.140 But now, if you know that something's wrong and you continue to do it, then you are kind of choosing to suffer.
01:02:38.700 You know, you said realized it.
01:02:43.860 You know, you realize these things.
01:02:45.540 So now you have knowledge.
01:02:47.120 So once you have that knowledge, if you continue to do it, then you are choosing to suffer.
01:02:53.600 You know, uh...
01:02:55.420 And sometimes you may make that choice.
01:02:56.980 But if it's a continued thing, man, it's...
01:02:59.220 You know...
01:03:00.000 And I just say it.
01:03:00.680 I'm not judging you.
01:03:01.300 I've done it.
01:03:01.820 And that's where self-pity starts for me.
01:03:04.760 I continue to stay in these loops.
01:03:07.020 And I don't even recognize it.
01:03:09.040 I just continue to want to have some reason to suffer.
01:03:15.060 Um...
01:03:15.580 And I just don't want to see the same thing happen to you, man, that's happened to me before.
01:03:20.260 You know, uh...
01:03:21.140 So...
01:03:22.220 Anyway, just don't feel alone, brother.
01:03:23.980 And just keep your head up, baby.
01:03:26.020 You know?
01:03:27.400 Um...
01:03:27.880 Because you're not alone, man.
01:03:30.780 I mean, there's probably 500,000 people listening to this that are thinking of you.
01:03:36.620 And that want you to...
01:03:37.800 Want you to try.
01:03:40.320 You know?
01:03:41.440 They want you to try.
01:03:45.800 You know?
01:03:46.320 And I want you to try, too.
01:03:47.520 I know it's hard, man.
01:03:49.220 It's hard, bro.
01:03:50.420 It's hard to fucking try.
01:03:51.740 Especially when you have...
01:03:52.460 There's a feeling inside of you like the world never...
01:03:54.840 It never tried for you.
01:03:56.720 This world never fucking tried for me.
01:03:58.760 But that's...
01:04:03.260 That's just a feeling, man.
01:04:05.720 You know?
01:04:06.900 And God gave you like a beautiful child.
01:04:08.960 Or whatever you believe in gave you a beautiful child, man.
01:04:11.820 And you got a voice.
01:04:12.780 You have the ability to care about yourself enough to call.
01:04:16.440 You have gifts.
01:04:18.100 You have gifts, man.
01:04:19.500 And I believe that you can do it, brother.
01:04:24.580 I believe you can have a new experience.
01:04:26.500 And that's what I want for you.
01:04:27.300 Because it seems like that's what you want for you.
01:04:29.440 So...
01:04:30.000 Anyway, man.
01:04:30.780 I'm not trying to preach at you.
01:04:31.960 But just letting you know that you're not alone, baby.
01:04:35.320 Gang.
01:04:35.560 And I know right where you're going to end up, bro.
01:04:42.780 The same place we all are.
01:04:45.800 You know where it is, bub.
01:04:51.880 You want to come up, daddy?
01:04:53.140 Thank you to everybody that came out and saw me this week.
01:05:01.000 Montgomery, Augusta, Columbus.
01:05:02.460 I'm on a come up.
01:05:06.100 Yeah.
01:05:07.700 Feels real good out there.
01:05:09.400 I've been so blue.
01:05:11.260 Mm-hmm.
01:05:12.320 Feels on a come up.
01:05:14.700 I'm on a come up.
01:05:18.860 It feels so good to have a brand new view.
01:05:21.640 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:05:26.120 Well, I just broke off with my baby.
01:05:30.060 Now I can finally get the love in you.
01:05:33.500 Come on, baby.
01:05:34.400 Yeah, yeah.
01:05:35.380 Come up.
01:05:37.320 Well, I just moved up to Lucky Street
01:05:40.320 When the mayor came and said to me,
01:05:43.340 You're on a come up.
01:05:45.900 That's Eddie Ninevold with the come up, man.
01:05:48.180 You guys be good to yourselves, huh?
01:05:50.060 You deserve it.
01:05:50.860 Take care of yourselves.
01:05:52.220 Thank you for loving me when I can't even love myself at times.
01:05:56.220 I'm grateful to be a part of this.
01:05:58.060 I really am.
01:05:59.560 And, yeah, we tried our best on those shows.
01:06:02.000 Man, I'd say probably six out of eight of the shows
01:06:03.800 on the past two weeks have been really just lights out.
01:06:07.220 A couple was just almost lights out.
01:06:10.080 You know, I'm kind of a perfectionist, and that's okay, you know.
01:06:16.000 It's definitely this, you know,
01:06:17.480 this show has really picked up a lot of steam.
01:06:19.340 So I'm grateful to be out there and get to see you guys in person, baby.
01:06:22.700 And be good to yourselves, baby.
01:06:25.780 Gang.
01:06:27.120 Gang.
01:06:27.500 Gang.
01:06:31.140 Well, good things keep on coming.
01:06:35.440 And there ain't gonna be no running.
01:06:38.160 No, I'm gonna come up.
01:06:41.000 Mm-hmm.
01:06:41.780 Well, I just got home, and now I'm back.
01:06:46.820 I got so many people asking where I'm at.
01:06:49.700 I've been to Tennessee and Ohio,
01:06:52.860 Atascalooza.
01:06:54.420 Women know I'm gonna come up, yeah.
01:06:58.060 Mm-mm-mm.
01:06:59.320 There's nothing really more to say.
01:07:02.380 Hey.
01:07:03.560 I keep the words wrong.
01:07:06.300 Well, if you're asking me what I really want to do
01:07:09.300 is just come right back, make love to you.
01:07:12.100 I'm gonna come up.
01:07:14.540 Mm-hmm.
01:07:15.160 Mm-hmm.
01:07:15.440 Yeah, that's 89 Volt.
01:07:20.760 You guys are checking them out if you get a chance.
01:07:22.140 And we will be back next week.
01:07:26.320 We got a great guest coming in,
01:07:27.840 and then we'll probably hit a solo episode after that.
01:07:30.440 And that's it.
01:07:32.680 You guys take care, gang.
01:07:38.300 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite,
01:07:40.580 and welcome to Kite Club,
01:07:41.760 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts
01:07:44.020 on things like current events,
01:07:45.820 stand-up stories,
01:07:47.020 and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
01:07:49.540 The answer may shock you.
01:07:51.280 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
01:07:53.340 Sometimes I won't.
01:07:54.840 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
01:07:57.960 You have three new voice messages.
01:08:00.520 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
01:08:03.840 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long,
01:08:06.520 longer than anybody else.
01:08:08.140 So great.
01:08:09.520 Aye, sueya.
01:08:11.140 Easy deal.
01:08:12.480 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club
01:08:14.320 is a dodgy bloody wanker.
01:08:16.440 Jermaine.
01:08:17.040 Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese
01:08:20.360 and a McFlurry.
01:08:21.540 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:08:23.620 Oh, no.
01:08:25.960 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
01:08:28.320 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is,
01:08:30.720 tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:08:32.480 Second rule of Kite Club is,
01:08:34.380 tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:08:36.740 Third rule, like and subscribe
01:08:38.460 wherever you listen to podcasts,
01:08:40.340 or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
01:08:42.520 And yes, don't worry,
01:08:43.560 my Brad Pitt impression will get better.