This Past Weekend with Theo Von

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00:03:10.280 Get that hitter.

00:03:12.100 Today's guest is back for her third time.

00:03:16.180 We've had some real moments.

00:03:18.940 And she has a new special coming up on HBO

00:03:22.640 called Good Clean Filth.

00:03:25.180 I am, I really, I loved this conversation

00:03:29.620 and I think you're going to love it too.

00:03:31.800 It is my friend, comedian, Miss Nikki Glaser.

00:03:35.780 For me to set that parking brake

00:03:38.820 And let myself on wide

00:03:41.620 Shine that light on me

00:03:45.540 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:03:51.280 Shine on me

00:03:56.240 And I will find a song

00:04:00.460 I've been singing just from

00:04:03.520 And now I've been moving way too

00:04:10.620 All right.

00:04:15.080 Nikki Glaser, good to see you.

00:04:16.620 Good to see you too, Theovan.

00:04:17.940 Yeah.

00:04:18.740 Being alive.

00:04:19.520 What's going on?

00:04:21.260 Just in town, you know.

00:04:23.080 Yeah.

00:04:23.380 Doing press.

00:04:24.620 Stuff like that.

00:04:25.640 Got a special coming out.

00:04:26.800 Oh, you do?

00:04:27.560 F-Boy Island 2 also coming out.

00:04:30.040 Okay, right.

00:04:30.820 And so both of those are on Netflix?

00:04:33.120 HBO.

00:04:33.740 Okay.

00:04:34.180 HBO Max.

00:04:35.140 Yeah.

00:04:35.500 Oh, yeah.

00:04:36.260 They're back to, like,

00:04:36.980 I didn't plan it this way

00:04:38.040 But my special was supposed to come out in March

00:04:41.200 I shot it in November

00:04:42.320 And I don't know about you

00:04:43.560 But, like, I can't watch myself ever

00:04:46.440 I hate looking at myself

00:04:48.240 So the editing process was so tedious

00:04:51.060 And I put it off so much

00:04:52.360 That it had to be pushed to July

00:04:54.700 Because I couldn't get it edited in time

00:04:56.720 Because I couldn't watch myself

00:04:57.600 I literally was, like, frozen

00:04:59.260 Have you ever felt that way

00:05:00.760 About watching your stand-up?

00:05:03.440 Yeah, I always

00:05:04.480 I mean, I feel sometimes, like, I don't

00:05:06.820 It's just such a tough way to capture stand-up

00:05:10.780 And to try and get it right

00:05:12.700 In a, like, in a

00:05:14.880 Or just get the exact thing you want in a night

00:05:17.420 Even though you get two chances

00:05:19.600 For some reason

00:05:20.600 I make the same mistakes twice

00:05:22.520 And you go, why couldn't I just

00:05:24.200 Have done it the way I always do it?

00:05:27.020 It's, like, it's

00:05:28.400 I never, but I never listen to myself

00:05:30.640 And I never watch myself after

00:05:32.180 That's why, like, stand-up

00:05:33.340 You just do it and then you, like

00:05:34.460 It was live

00:05:35.560 If anyone, like, calls you on, like

00:05:37.880 Oh, this thing you did wasn't good

00:05:39.440 You can go, well, in my head it was good

00:05:41.140 There's no proof of, like

00:05:42.540 You can't analyze it

00:05:44.400 Yeah, I get

00:05:45.920 Oh, I think there's

00:05:47.040 I think there's

00:05:49.460 Well, that's something that

00:05:50.560 I felt like was always nice about everything

00:05:52.940 You know?

00:05:53.580 Yes

00:05:53.840 Like, you used to never

00:05:57.180 Be able to analyze everything

00:05:59.320 It was, like

00:05:59.940 You know, I think about this sometimes

00:06:02.020 Like, a moment used to have so much value

00:06:04.080 Like, there's no real

00:06:05.280 Like, a moment feels like

00:06:07.480 It doesn't have

00:06:08.460 Value anymore

00:06:10.320 Like, a real moment

00:06:11.500 Because

00:06:11.900 Like, if it's not captured

00:06:14.100 It started to feel like

00:06:15.760 Hey, don't capture this

00:06:17.540 It used to be like

00:06:18.600 Hey, don't capture this

00:06:19.860 This is important

00:06:21.000 This is, like

00:06:21.660 You know?

00:06:22.900 Put your cameras away

00:06:23.980 Yeah

00:06:24.600 And now it's like

00:06:25.220 Hey, let's not have this conversation

00:06:26.240 Until we get rolling

00:06:27.320 Yeah

00:06:27.840 Like, we just sat in silence here

00:06:30.080 Like, we didn't want to have any kind of

00:06:31.560 Any friendship

00:06:32.080 And no

00:06:32.900 There was, like, a

00:06:33.820 A nice greeting

00:06:35.120 And then it was like

00:06:35.660 Let's just save it

00:06:36.640 But there's something nice about that

00:06:38.180 Because we want to be

00:06:39.140 We want it to be genuine

00:06:40.620 And we want people to see

00:06:41.760 Like, what is really going on

00:06:43.320 Right, like us

00:06:44.080 We want to save our

00:06:45.580 Our actual energy

00:06:46.980 So people can see

00:06:47.940 Okay, this is when they really started talking

00:06:49.700 Because

00:06:49.900 You and I didn't talk

00:06:50.760 Well, I stood up

00:06:51.340 I gave you a hug

00:06:52.180 Yeah

00:06:52.440 You sat down

00:06:53.580 And then we waited

00:06:54.820 Yeah

00:06:55.280 And then we waited

00:06:56.340 It's like we wait until

00:06:57.960 Okay

00:06:58.700 I did, like, a meditation kind of

00:07:00.580 For however

00:07:01.340 Like, it was, like, a minute

00:07:02.820 Really?

00:07:03.220 And I kind of just

00:07:03.900 Yeah, because on the way over

00:07:05.440 I was planning on doing a meditation

00:07:06.880 Then I get lost in my phone

00:07:08.200 And so I had a couple seconds

00:07:10.080 While the TVs were being set

00:07:11.520 Everything was set up

00:07:12.640 And I just was like

00:07:13.440 Just focus on your breathing

00:07:14.760 I did it with my eyes open, obviously

00:07:16.460 Because that would be weird

00:07:17.220 But

00:07:17.440 Do that hard Kegel, baby

00:07:19.060 Push some frickin

00:07:20.000 Just tense up everything

00:07:21.800 Oh, yeah

00:07:22.520 Like, just

00:07:23.580 I don't know what I did

00:07:24.940 But I just centered myself

00:07:25.900 And I was just like

00:07:26.580 Whatever happens

00:07:27.640 Happens

00:07:28.500 And don't regret anything you say

00:07:30.760 It happened for a reason

00:07:31.960 Anything you don't say

00:07:33.100 It was meant to not be said

00:07:34.900 All that bullshit

00:07:35.960 Mm

00:07:36.400 Yeah, it gets scary

00:07:38.100 I used to feel less scary about podcasting

00:07:40.140 And then I think I started to just get in my head so much

00:07:42.440 Me too

00:07:43.100 Yeah

00:07:43.540 Wait, why?

00:07:45.680 Mm

00:07:46.080 We should be more free

00:07:47.440 I know

00:07:47.980 Because we have more people watching

00:07:49.240 Yeah, you know, I don't know what it is

00:07:51.480 I think some

00:07:52.060 Yeah, some of it probably became that

00:07:53.440 Some of it could have been ego for me

00:07:55.020 Or fear

00:07:55.820 You know

00:07:56.940 Because I think ego is really

00:07:58.820 Ego is just like

00:08:00.060 Fear in like a nice cape with a comb

00:08:03.480 Yeah

00:08:03.860 You know

00:08:04.520 But

00:08:06.800 What's your fear

00:08:07.840 Like what's your fear with podcasting

00:08:10.100 If you could

00:08:10.740 Kind of

00:08:11.560 Pinpoint

00:08:12.720 What's the

00:08:13.300 What's the thing you have now

00:08:14.480 What's your like biggest fear

00:08:15.640 I always like to do that

00:08:16.520 Like okay

00:08:17.000 What's my biggest fear

00:08:18.120 Okay

00:08:18.320 And then what happens

00:08:18.980 And then what happens

00:08:19.660 Oh yeah

00:08:20.260 I think it's that people

00:08:21.240 Show all your life

00:08:22.380 You know

00:08:22.680 I think you want

00:08:23.580 You know

00:08:24.180 Even if you don't realize

00:08:26.000 That you're seeking

00:08:26.560 As a comedian

00:08:27.200 Maybe you're seeking validation

00:08:28.480 And then they show up

00:08:29.900 And you're afraid

00:08:30.720 They're gonna leave

00:08:31.420 You know

00:08:31.880 Yes

00:08:32.380 Or they're gonna look closely

00:08:33.760 And go

00:08:34.120 Oh wait

00:08:35.120 This is not

00:08:35.920 What I thought it was

00:08:37.420 Yeah

00:08:37.660 This is

00:08:37.980 Yeah

00:08:38.220 Yeah

00:08:38.520 This guy's a pervert

00:08:39.560 This guy's a

00:08:40.120 You know

00:08:40.560 Yeah

00:08:40.920 Loiterer

00:08:42.120 A what

00:08:42.640 Loiterer

00:08:43.580 You know

00:08:44.180 Just hanging out

00:08:45.320 Oh yeah dude

00:08:46.520 I used to do a ton of loitering

00:08:47.680 That was a big thing in our area

00:08:49.140 Because they didn't have a lot to do

00:08:51.440 So those signs were directed at you

00:08:53.720 Because I always wondered

00:08:54.480 Who's just loitering

00:08:55.680 Like what does it even mean

00:08:56.860 Soliciting

00:08:57.520 Loitering

00:08:58.020 Those signs

00:08:58.460 I never really understood

00:08:59.320 We didn't solicit

00:09:00.620 I admire the solicitors

00:09:01.760 At least they had

00:09:02.640 They were making money

00:09:04.540 They went to ask

00:09:04.660 Yeah

00:09:05.820 We was out there

00:09:06.680 Just fucking milling

00:09:07.640 Around bro

00:09:08.520 Just freaking feeling

00:09:09.960 Our penis between our legs

00:09:11.440 You know

00:09:11.740 Or not feeling

00:09:12.340 Not touching it

00:09:13.100 But just

00:09:13.360 You know

00:09:13.840 We were just out there

00:09:14.680 Just you know

00:09:15.360 Just seeing what the wind

00:09:16.820 Had to say

00:09:17.500 You know

00:09:18.040 Just out there

00:09:18.800 Just milling around

00:09:20.220 Like you kind of

00:09:20.840 Stand in front of the post office

00:09:22.100 And act like you fucking

00:09:22.980 Owned it or something

00:09:23.820 Just bullshit

00:09:24.380 Yeah

00:09:24.760 And no phones

00:09:25.820 I mean that's what

00:09:26.840 Loitering

00:09:27.300 No phones

00:09:28.040 Just staring into the air

00:09:30.240 Yes

00:09:32.060 What

00:09:32.380 Yeah

00:09:32.840 What did we do

00:09:33.760 I know that's like

00:09:34.680 A very cliche question

00:09:36.260 Nowadays

00:09:36.760 But what did we do

00:09:38.080 When we were waiting

00:09:39.860 For something

00:09:40.780 Well you know

00:09:42.020 It's interesting

00:09:42.380 Because I'll notice

00:09:43.160 Sometimes I'll have

00:09:43.880 Feelings like

00:09:44.600 If I go eat by myself

00:09:45.760 Sometimes I'll leave

00:09:46.420 My phone in the car now

00:09:47.580 Really?

00:09:48.160 And it's like

00:09:48.440 Alright dude

00:09:49.020 I'm just gonna see

00:09:49.780 What God wants

00:09:50.780 You know what I'm saying

00:09:51.540 Baby I'm gonna be out there

00:09:52.820 You know

00:09:53.580 I'm gonna be

00:09:54.180 Out of here

00:09:54.780 In Mother Nature's

00:09:56.420 Laundromat

00:09:57.120 You know what I'm saying

00:09:58.080 With no coins

00:09:58.960 You know

00:09:59.640 I'm gonna see

00:10:00.160 What could happen

00:10:01.040 I can see doing that

00:10:01.880 With a friend

00:10:02.460 But like by yourself

00:10:03.580 And what do you

00:10:04.120 What do you do?

00:10:05.040 Well here's the part

00:10:05.980 That feels crazy

00:10:07.140 The crazy part is

00:10:09.060 When you think

00:10:10.840 Okay if other people

00:10:11.940 Look over here

00:10:12.880 And I'm just

00:10:14.660 Thinking

00:10:15.920 Or looking

00:10:16.780 In a space

00:10:17.700 I now seem like a

00:10:19.880 Like a crazy person

00:10:21.740 Yeah

00:10:21.980 I seem like someone

00:10:23.140 Oh that guy's not

00:10:24.120 That guy's not doing well

00:10:25.800 That guy is

00:10:26.900 Just got kicked out

00:10:27.740 Of the church

00:10:28.360 It's that kind of book

00:10:29.220 You know like

00:10:29.820 Oh why would a man

00:10:31.180 Be eating by himself

00:10:32.680 With no phone

00:10:33.960 With no phone

00:10:34.880 Unless he was

00:10:36.560 Unless he didn't know

00:10:38.800 About phones

00:10:39.600 Or he lost

00:10:40.560 Someone

00:10:40.960 He wasn't

00:10:42.060 You know

00:10:42.380 He couldn't fiscally

00:10:43.820 Afford to keep his phone

00:10:45.060 Yeah

00:10:45.340 But you're nicely dressed too

00:10:46.680 Which is confusing

00:10:47.540 As well

00:10:47.980 Because no phone

00:10:48.880 Should match a different look

00:10:50.100 And that's where

00:10:50.920 Then I think people go

00:10:51.700 Oh he was with the church

00:10:52.660 He got let go

00:10:53.560 And he's sitting here

00:10:54.360 In shame

00:10:54.920 Or just got out

00:10:56.360 Of prison

00:10:57.160 Yeah maybe

00:10:59.280 I don't

00:10:59.580 It'd be hard to get a phone

00:11:00.960 I don't think

00:11:02.380 I have that look

00:11:03.340 No

00:11:03.940 But you feel

00:11:04.660 That's when I notice

00:11:05.520 I'm like oh my god

00:11:06.440 If I sit here

00:11:07.660 What is the feeling

00:11:09.600 Is it a feeling

00:11:10.360 That I'm missing out

00:11:11.780 Or that

00:11:12.320 No it's that

00:11:15.280 That doesn't feel

00:11:16.200 Normal anymore

00:11:17.220 No

00:11:17.660 And that used to feel

00:11:18.700 Real normal

00:11:19.380 Yes

00:11:19.960 You know the Chinese

00:11:21.520 Pull this up Zachary

00:11:22.560 The Chinese

00:11:23.660 If you

00:11:25.560 Take their picture

00:11:27.180 They get angry at you

00:11:28.620 What do you mean

00:11:29.440 Like just

00:11:30.060 Like a stranger

00:11:32.560 No something more like

00:11:34.020 Do China

00:11:34.780 Want us

00:11:36.440 Taking their picture

00:11:37.280 Do

00:11:37.640 China

00:11:39.100 Yeah do the Chinese

00:11:40.440 There we go

00:11:41.220 Like getting their

00:11:42.420 Picture taken

00:11:42.900 Yeah let's fucking

00:11:43.660 Be realistic

00:11:44.380 Okay

00:11:46.660 Hmm

00:11:47.760 Well I understand

00:11:49.340 Not wanting your

00:11:50.020 Picture taken

00:11:50.620 If you don't know it

00:11:51.940 I used to do that

00:11:52.860 On the subway

00:11:54.460 Oh that's interesting

00:11:55.240 Then why do

00:11:55.720 Chinese people

00:11:56.320 Take photos

00:11:56.820 Everything

00:11:57.080 I remember

00:11:57.960 Just being in

00:11:58.960 China

00:11:59.420 I wonder if

00:12:00.020 Maybe it was

00:12:00.420 Malaysia

00:12:00.960 And we tried

00:12:02.780 To take a picture

00:12:03.400 And they said

00:12:04.360 No

00:12:04.640 And I remember

00:12:05.540 Our teachers

00:12:06.200 Would teach us

00:12:06.920 That they don't

00:12:07.460 Like their picture

00:12:07.980 Taking

00:12:08.140 Because it

00:12:08.420 Captures

00:12:08.940 The soul

00:12:10.520 Who believes

00:12:11.380 That picture taken

00:12:12.180 Captures the soul

00:12:13.080 Maybe look that up

00:12:13.700 There you go

00:12:13.880 That's the

00:12:14.580 Good

00:12:14.860 Who believes

00:12:17.200 Pictures

00:12:18.180 Captures

00:12:18.640 Mayans

00:12:23.080 Okay

00:12:23.680 That's

00:12:25.360 Damn

00:12:26.380 Kind of close to

00:12:27.460 Malaysian

00:12:27.940 But not

00:12:28.520 But do you feel

00:12:29.440 Like over time

00:12:30.280 Okay

00:12:30.700 Yeah

00:12:31.180 And the Mayans

00:12:32.840 Who knows what they were

00:12:33.800 Do you ever see

00:12:34.340 Do you ever see

00:12:34.800 A picture of yourself

00:12:35.460 Where you don't know

00:12:36.240 What's being taken

00:12:36.820 And you have just a look

00:12:37.840 Where you're like

00:12:38.320 Whoa

00:12:38.820 My soul is in that

00:12:40.580 Where you just have

00:12:41.140 Like a dead

00:12:41.800 Look

00:12:42.960 That just a moment

00:12:43.820 That captures

00:12:44.380 Like really

00:12:44.980 What you're feeling

00:12:45.560 In that moment

00:12:46.120 Like you just

00:12:48.100 You don't know

00:12:48.740 Like

00:12:49.060 Where it's just

00:12:50.580 I think we have

00:12:51.540 These things

00:12:51.980 I've learned about it

00:12:52.900 In some class

00:12:53.600 I took once

00:12:54.220 Where I was paying

00:12:54.720 Attention

00:12:55.060 And you have

00:12:56.640 Flashes

00:12:57.280 We as humans

00:12:58.860 Need to communicate

00:12:59.520 And they're

00:12:59.980 Like microseconds long

00:13:01.600 But it will show

00:13:02.200 I could be like

00:13:03.000 Smiling in such a good mood

00:13:04.040 And if I'm in a bad mood

00:13:04.900 For a flash

00:13:06.320 You'll see my real truth

00:13:07.960 Of like discomfort

00:13:08.980 Or anger

00:13:10.340 Whatever it is

00:13:10.980 And it's just a quick flash

00:13:12.220 But it's enough

00:13:12.740 To send the person

00:13:13.480 That you're talking to

00:13:14.300 The message

00:13:14.780 Without them actually

00:13:15.580 Knowing that you did it

00:13:16.580 And sometimes

00:13:17.940 Those pictures catch that

00:13:18.960 But mine's usually

00:13:19.600 Just like a dead stare

00:13:21.680 Just like

00:13:22.160 Yeah

00:13:23.900 Just kind of sad

00:13:24.720 Kind of a sadness

00:13:25.680 Do you get sad?

00:13:28.040 I mean who doesn't?

00:13:29.760 Oh yeah

00:13:30.280 I spent too much time

00:13:31.280 Getting sad

00:13:31.780 I realized

00:13:32.280 I realized

00:13:32.740 I was getting sad

00:13:33.820 And then I was

00:13:35.060 Getting stuck

00:13:38.600 In my own sadness

00:13:39.360 You know

00:13:39.740 I was like

00:13:40.420 Why am I sad?

00:13:41.740 I was asking that too much

00:13:42.860 Instead of just

00:13:43.720 Doing things to not be sad

00:13:45.420 Man I was just about to ask you

00:13:46.620 What makes you sad

00:13:47.340 So I don't know

00:13:47.840 If you want to answer that

00:13:48.580 But like

00:13:48.920 You've given a lot of thought

00:13:49.860 Like what's something

00:13:50.500 That'll go

00:13:51.100 Trigger it

00:13:52.420 And go

00:13:52.840 You know

00:13:53.840 Spiral

00:13:54.300 We see something

00:13:55.900 Loneliness

00:13:57.200 I think probably

00:13:58.460 Getting older sometimes

00:14:01.380 Seeing people with families

00:14:03.000 If I don't have a family

00:14:03.840 That kind of stuff

00:14:04.500 Sometimes will get me

00:14:05.400 You know

00:14:05.680 Like

00:14:06.040 But then you really

00:14:08.020 Like kind of look at the

00:14:09.020 You know

00:14:09.380 And you're like

00:14:10.180 Oh that kid's going to prison

00:14:11.320 In fucking seven years

00:14:12.620 Like I do not want

00:14:13.720 Little Jonathan

00:14:14.440 You know

00:14:15.100 Yes

00:14:15.460 Yeah

00:14:16.960 But I do think

00:14:17.920 It's interesting

00:14:18.440 How it's like

00:14:19.240 Almost that we

00:14:20.740 Like even

00:14:23.100 Friendships now

00:14:24.260 It's like recorded

00:14:25.140 And put out

00:14:25.920 People

00:14:26.240 It's like

00:14:26.760 I wonder if in

00:14:28.080 Like 20 years

00:14:29.040 People will listen back

00:14:29.820 And be like

00:14:30.060 Oh listen to these

00:14:30.960 Friendships on tape

00:14:32.260 You know

00:14:32.680 Oh yeah

00:14:33.300 It'll be like

00:14:33.880 Or you know

00:14:34.460 Oh wow

00:14:35.320 Let's go listen to

00:14:36.000 Some friendships

00:14:36.720 Or like human

00:14:38.200 Like if

00:14:38.860 Podcasting

00:14:39.780 If it gets to the point

00:14:40.700 Where humans

00:14:41.240 Don't interact anymore

00:14:42.500 Oh yeah

00:14:43.280 What does it sound like

00:14:44.760 When they used to

00:14:45.180 Talk to each other

00:14:45.880 Yes

00:14:46.380 Or what is it like

00:14:47.540 Oh what about a hug

00:14:49.100 Let's go look at

00:14:49.680 Some old videos

00:14:50.260 Of people hugging

00:14:51.120 You know

00:14:52.920 Or somebody tickling

00:14:54.480 Somebody

00:14:55.060 You know

00:14:56.660 Oh my god

00:14:57.340 Do you like being tickled

00:14:58.180 I don't mind it dude

00:14:59.820 But when I was growing up

00:15:00.900 They had

00:15:01.520 Man I miss tickling

00:15:02.880 Tickling was such a part

00:15:04.760 Of childhood

00:15:05.620 Getting pinned down

00:15:07.060 Yeah

00:15:07.360 I used to love doing it

00:15:09.020 I used to love

00:15:09.580 Like there's something about

00:15:10.700 It's the worst feeling

00:15:12.580 In the world

00:15:12.800 And a lot of the porn

00:15:13.920 Sometimes when I'm watching porn

00:15:15.340 There'll be like tickling videos

00:15:16.580 And I have no interest in that

00:15:17.800 It's not like a sexual thing

00:15:18.920 But I guess it's a whole

00:15:19.980 Genre of porn

00:15:21.320 Oh

00:15:21.820 The tickling stuff

00:15:22.720 Yeah

00:15:23.100 But it relates

00:15:23.820 Like just people tied up

00:15:25.180 Being like

00:15:25.500 Like laughing

00:15:26.900 Girls

00:15:27.360 Yeah I hate it

00:15:28.440 Now what do you think

00:15:29.520 You

00:15:29.720 What do you think

00:15:31.200 You don't like about tickling

00:15:32.240 I mean I used to love it

00:15:33.760 As a kid

00:15:34.280 Because I think it was

00:15:34.960 Probably just like touch

00:15:36.040 Yeah

00:15:36.780 Like it was just like

00:15:37.840 I don't think I got enough

00:15:39.080 As a kid

00:15:39.540 I really didn't

00:15:40.980 My mom hates when I say this

00:15:43.140 On things

00:15:43.580 But I just don't think

00:15:44.540 I got enough

00:15:45.320 Human touch

00:15:47.360 Yeah

00:15:47.660 So I think I liked

00:15:48.980 When me and my cousins

00:15:49.720 Or me and my sister

00:15:50.600 Would tickle

00:15:51.560 I used to love to like wrestle

00:15:52.900 I just wanted like to be touched

00:15:54.240 And like someone trying to get me

00:15:55.820 Yeah yeah

00:15:56.900 Tickling felt like somebody

00:15:58.400 I think was gonna be able to like

00:16:00.240 I think it started to feel like

00:16:02.280 When does it end

00:16:03.180 It's almost too much

00:16:04.620 Scary yes

00:16:05.160 It's too

00:16:05.960 It feels too exciting

00:16:07.300 There's a mix of like

00:16:08.560 It feels too exciting

00:16:09.600 I'm gonna shit

00:16:11.140 I think there's a little bit of that

00:16:12.380 Oh yeah

00:16:12.580 You might like fart

00:16:13.540 Yeah something like that

00:16:14.960 Like somebody's gonna get the truth out of me

00:16:16.720 Yeah

00:16:17.000 Oh yeah

00:16:17.720 A sound or something

00:16:18.640 Is gonna come out of me

00:16:19.620 It's weird we laugh

00:16:20.160 Why do we laugh with tickling

00:16:21.800 Why is that

00:16:22.380 It's so weird

00:16:23.460 I think I

00:16:25.660 It's that a sound's gonna come out of me

00:16:27.880 That I don't want someone to hear

00:16:29.860 That I didn't create

00:16:30.920 So vulnerable

00:16:31.660 You're just like

00:16:32.440 Like that's really vulnerable

00:16:34.540 Yeah

00:16:35.300 I do compare it though to

00:16:37.260 I always used to say

00:16:38.740 That tickling was like masturbation

00:16:40.980 In the sense that

00:16:41.480 If someone else does it to me

00:16:42.460 I'm laughing

00:16:43.320 I can't

00:16:43.900 I can't control it

00:16:44.500 But if I do it to myself

00:16:45.360 Really I feel stupid

00:16:47.100 I'm just like

00:16:47.640 I see it coming

00:16:48.740 I think part of sex is like

00:16:50.880 Or part of being turned on

00:16:52.540 Or

00:16:52.720 Is the unexpected

00:16:54.580 Ooh

00:16:55.800 You know what I mean

00:16:56.660 So I

00:16:57.260 Now I don't struggle with it as much

00:16:59.240 But like

00:16:59.620 I never really understood

00:17:00.740 Why people

00:17:01.260 How people could masturbate

00:17:02.400 And not

00:17:02.880 See it coming

00:17:04.340 In the same way

00:17:05.300 That like

00:17:05.600 This doesn't do anything to me

00:17:06.660 But if anyone were to do this to me

00:17:08.100 I'd be like

00:17:08.540 Like I

00:17:09.600 How is that

00:17:10.780 Because I can predict it

00:17:11.860 So masturbation

00:17:13.260 I'm like

00:17:13.560 I know what's gonna happen here

00:17:15.160 Yeah

00:17:16.040 Masturbation gets kind of

00:17:17.300 Masturbation really runs its course

00:17:20.180 You know

00:17:20.440 I met this gal one time

00:17:21.580 At a library

00:17:22.260 And she had

00:17:23.560 She didn't have any fingers

00:17:24.500 On one of her hands

00:17:25.320 She had like a

00:17:26.160 I don't know what it was called

00:17:29.600 Like a nub

00:17:30.480 Yeah

00:17:31.780 But it was more than that

00:17:32.700 Almost like when you do

00:17:33.300 Crab legs

00:17:34.140 And you get all the

00:17:34.860 Go on

00:17:36.080 You take all the legs

00:17:36.860 Off the crabs

00:17:37.420 And it's almost like a little

00:17:38.220 Just like the

00:17:38.920 Hand meaty part

00:17:40.700 It was like that thing

00:17:41.620 That Thor has now

00:17:42.580 I just saw it the other day

00:17:43.680 What is it

00:17:44.900 I just saw that movie

00:17:45.680 That super hammer

00:17:46.740 Yeah this gal

00:17:48.100 Had a real super hammer

00:17:49.120 On her

00:17:49.540 And bring up Tom Dempsey

00:17:51.600 Too if you can

00:17:52.320 Bring him up

00:17:52.900 He's a famous guy

00:17:54.280 What does

00:17:54.760 What does this have to do

00:17:55.640 With masturbation

00:17:56.380 Well so I remember

00:17:58.300 I met this gal

00:17:59.120 At the library

00:17:59.800 And then we wanted

00:18:00.800 To get together

00:18:01.480 Bring him up

00:18:02.020 There you go

00:18:02.460 You met a girl

00:18:02.960 At the library

00:18:03.580 When is this Theo

00:18:04.940 This was nine years ago

00:18:06.600 Okay

00:18:07.000 I love that it's not ten

00:18:10.340 But that's Tom Dempsey

00:18:12.500 Right there

00:18:12.860 See he's got that

00:18:13.600 Freaking hammer

00:18:14.280 Look at that claw hammer

00:18:15.360 Wait

00:18:15.740 Zoom in on that hoof baby

00:18:17.440 Wait that's crazy

00:18:18.440 He died unfortunately

00:18:21.560 And he had a 73 yarder

00:18:25.100 Okay

00:18:25.540 I know he died at 73

00:18:26.920 So you met this girl

00:18:27.840 At the library

00:18:28.340 Nine years ago

00:18:29.240 Right and I remember

00:18:30.380 She would like

00:18:31.040 Kind of like

00:18:31.640 And we got involved

00:18:32.380 In sex right

00:18:33.320 Yeah

00:18:33.700 And so she would like

00:18:34.920 Kind of like

00:18:36.000 How do you

00:18:37.340 Pick up a girl

00:18:38.480 At the library

00:18:39.020 How do you pick up

00:18:40.540 A girl anywhere

00:18:41.100 And then get involved

00:18:41.920 In sex

00:18:42.320 I really don't

00:18:42.780 Understand this

00:18:43.480 You just have a vibe

00:18:45.180 Did you know right away

00:18:46.000 Like

00:18:46.360 This is happening

00:18:48.480 No I sat down

00:18:50.040 And she was kind of cute

00:18:51.140 And we were talking

00:18:51.940 We both were in the library

00:18:53.460 So right there

00:18:54.700 You know things

00:18:56.460 Probably weren't going great

00:18:57.600 At the overall

00:18:58.980 I think if you're at the

00:19:00.280 During you know

00:19:01.140 At that time

00:19:01.660 You know the library

00:19:02.280 Hasn't been like

00:19:02.900 A real hotbed

00:19:03.920 Yeah that's why

00:19:04.500 I asked the timeline

00:19:05.820 Because I go

00:19:06.480 Nine years ago

00:19:07.460 Yeah

00:19:08.740 Even then

00:19:09.620 Yeah

00:19:10.440 It wasn't

00:19:11.180 There's phones around

00:19:11.920 And especially

00:19:12.820 Even in Los Angeles man

00:19:13.860 A lot of

00:19:14.480 The library out here

00:19:15.680 Is just a lot of people

00:19:16.340 I mean we saw a dude

00:19:17.420 Try to climb into a fucking book

00:19:19.240 This fucking homeless dude

00:19:20.400 Tried to get into

00:19:22.200 One of those big atlases

00:19:23.200 You know

00:19:23.660 Trying to take a vacation

00:19:24.740 The long way

00:19:25.620 You know

00:19:26.140 But she would like

00:19:28.380 Play with herself

00:19:29.320 Kind of

00:19:29.740 I remember this girl

00:19:30.600 Would like kind of

00:19:31.200 Play with herself

00:19:31.840 With her

00:19:32.200 And she had a stump

00:19:33.820 With her unlimited hand

00:19:35.760 She would kind of

00:19:36.300 Play with herself

00:19:37.000 And then she would

00:19:38.440 Kind of

00:19:38.960 This isn't

00:19:40.300 She would kind of

00:19:41.140 Like beat this

00:19:42.140 Like beat

00:19:43.020 The top of her

00:19:44.540 Uvular

00:19:46.620 Whatever it's called

00:19:47.280 She would like

00:19:47.720 Hit it with the club

00:19:48.920 With the

00:19:49.340 It was almost like

00:19:50.980 A dance

00:19:51.260 Like treble and bass

00:19:52.440 You know

00:19:52.740 It was like

00:19:53.180 She was like

00:19:53.720 Remixing her own puss

00:19:55.140 Kind of

00:19:55.500 It was

00:19:55.820 I mean

00:19:56.920 I don't know

00:19:57.620 I don't know

00:19:59.260 What happened

00:19:59.920 Oh and then

00:20:00.660 I remember

00:20:01.420 It was like

00:20:02.800 It was a

00:20:05.080 It

00:20:06.400 You know

00:20:06.920 A lot of women

00:20:08.180 Sometimes

00:20:08.900 Some women

00:20:09.560 Will have

00:20:10.320 It just

00:20:11.240 It had a

00:20:12.040 Very

00:20:13.500 Violent

00:20:15.660 Odor to her vagina

00:20:17.800 Oh yeah

00:20:18.180 Every time she'd

00:20:18.940 Hit it with that hammer

00:20:19.740 It would just

00:20:20.360 Release

00:20:21.220 I knew another

00:20:22.080 Like

00:20:22.680 Waft

00:20:24.300 Oh I knew

00:20:25.260 It was gonna be

00:20:26.240 A lot of

00:20:27.040 You know

00:20:27.500 Man

00:20:27.960 My toes would just

00:20:29.020 Curl up

00:20:29.500 And I was like

00:20:29.880 I can't be

00:20:30.420 I can't be a part of this

00:20:31.760 So was this

00:20:32.120 Was this a one time thing

00:20:33.500 Or was it a repeat thing

00:20:34.920 And you noticed

00:20:35.480 That this odor

00:20:36.180 Was not getting

00:20:36.980 Remedied

00:20:37.640 I can't remember

00:20:39.220 If it was one time

00:20:40.020 Or two times

00:20:40.760 Yeah

00:20:41.360 But it

00:20:41.940 We ended up separating

00:20:43.100 Right

00:20:43.800 Because of the odor

00:20:44.880 You think

00:20:45.240 It was just a lot

00:20:46.400 It was a lot of stuff

00:20:47.080 I think we didn't really

00:20:47.780 Get along that great

00:20:48.400 And we barely

00:20:49.180 Even knew each other

00:20:49.780 I mean

00:20:49.980 We literally met

00:20:50.900 At the library

00:20:51.540 And then we're

00:20:52.460 You know

00:20:52.980 Trying to get involved

00:20:53.940 Sexually

00:20:54.460 How do you

00:20:55.040 I'm not being

00:20:56.540 Like obtuse about this

00:20:58.060 I really need to know

00:20:59.220 How you go from library

00:21:00.720 Talking to like

00:21:01.700 Let's go have sex

00:21:02.480 Did it

00:21:02.820 Did it go

00:21:04.000 Did you go on a date

00:21:05.000 Did you go

00:21:06.200 Like

00:21:06.580 Was it

00:21:07.300 Was there just something

00:21:08.260 In the air

00:21:08.600 That you both knew

00:21:09.160 You were gonna have sex

00:21:09.700 With each other

00:21:10.040 Like I don't understand

00:21:11.020 I think we might have

00:21:12.040 Met for a drink

00:21:13.120 Okay

00:21:13.540 Or something

00:21:13.840 Or a coffee

00:21:14.420 Okay

00:21:14.780 Maybe

00:21:15.660 And then

00:21:17.300 Did you ask her

00:21:17.980 About what happened

00:21:18.900 Here

00:21:19.300 Like how long

00:21:20.000 Before you found out

00:21:21.060 No

00:21:21.460 I don't like to ask

00:21:22.460 About that kind of stuff

00:21:23.220 I usually say something like

00:21:24.120 Oh I think it's pretty cool

00:21:25.480 You have like a unique hand

00:21:26.660 Or you have a

00:21:27.200 You know

00:21:27.900 Like you have a

00:21:28.900 You don't have a leg

00:21:30.740 Or something

00:21:31.060 I think that kind of stuff

00:21:31.820 Is kind of fascinating

00:21:32.640 Sometimes

00:21:32.980 Oh I love it

00:21:33.720 Yeah

00:21:34.060 But I like the story

00:21:35.080 Behind it

00:21:35.620 Because I think

00:21:36.060 Most people

00:21:36.560 Don't ask them

00:21:37.520 And so I like

00:21:38.520 To go ahead

00:21:39.000 And go

00:21:39.380 What's going on there

00:21:40.400 But that's a scary

00:21:43.240 Question to

00:21:43.880 Yeah and maybe

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00:21:46.760 I don't know

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00:23:14.640 Theo

00:23:15.200 You know

00:23:16.160 Debt

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00:23:17.360 That's

00:23:17.920 It weighs

00:23:18.960 On you

00:23:19.380 You know

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00:23:25.000 Just thinking

00:23:25.440 Man

00:23:25.800 Some of this

00:23:26.800 Is already

00:23:27.200 Gone

00:23:27.700 I don't like

00:23:29.080 That feeling

00:23:29.560 I don't like

00:23:30.020 That

00:23:30.240 I don't like

00:23:31.260 That dirty

00:23:31.780 Dracula

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00:23:33.340 That's just

00:23:34.360 Sucking

00:23:35.000 Things out

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00:24:46.680 Okay so

00:24:47.860 So you

00:24:48.560 Met for a

00:24:49.120 Drink

00:24:49.280 And okay

00:24:49.700 That makes

00:24:50.060 More sense

00:24:50.480 To me

00:24:50.840 Because I

00:24:51.340 Feel like

00:24:51.600 Some people

00:24:52.000 Just meet

00:24:52.560 And they

00:24:52.840 Just like

00:24:53.160 No

00:24:53.580 And then

00:24:54.560 They just

00:24:54.900 Start going

00:24:55.360 At it

00:24:55.620 Like I've

00:24:55.920 Never understood

00:24:56.500 If you get

00:24:56.940 A

00:24:57.160 Like if you

00:24:58.280 Get a

00:24:58.500 Hooker

00:24:58.860 Like if

00:24:59.240 My

00:24:59.420 I don't

00:24:59.740 Know

00:24:59.840 Like if

00:25:00.460 You get

00:25:00.640 An escort

00:25:01.140 My friends

00:25:01.740 That have

00:25:01.960 Done that

00:25:02.260 I'm

00:25:02.440 Always

00:25:02.700 Fascinated

00:25:03.160 Like what

00:25:03.680 So they

00:25:04.220 Walk in

00:25:04.820 I've done

00:25:05.540 It before

00:25:05.840 Who makes

00:25:06.700 The first

00:25:07.000 Move

00:25:07.480 Do

00:25:08.260 Now that

00:25:09.020 I understand

00:25:09.500 It and I've

00:25:10.140 Asked some

00:25:10.320 Questions I

00:25:10.820 Guess they

00:25:11.080 Come in

00:25:11.580 And they

00:25:12.520 Sit down on

00:25:13.000 The bed

00:25:13.220 Next to you

00:25:13.720 And they

00:25:14.000 Just start

00:25:14.300 Like rubbing

00:25:14.700 Your leg

00:25:15.240 And then

00:25:15.980 Things usually

00:25:17.140 Progress from

00:25:17.760 There

00:25:18.040 But like

00:25:18.620 That first

00:25:19.280 Moment of

00:25:19.720 Like going

00:25:20.280 From like

00:25:20.680 Hello

00:25:21.120 To like

00:25:21.780 Touching each

00:25:23.100 Other's genitals

00:25:23.780 And like kissing

00:25:24.400 I don't know

00:25:24.860 How that

00:25:25.160 Happens

00:25:25.760 Most of

00:25:26.720 Them they

00:25:26.960 Seem like

00:25:27.220 Take their

00:25:27.540 Gum out

00:25:27.980 First

00:25:28.380 And then

00:25:30.620 Do you

00:25:32.900 Talk about

00:25:33.340 What's gonna

00:25:33.720 Happen before

00:25:34.360 In the

00:25:34.800 The rate

00:25:35.240 Or is that

00:25:36.660 All

00:25:37.060 I mean

00:25:37.720 Look

00:25:37.960 For me

00:25:38.560 It's happened

00:25:38.920 When I've

00:25:39.200 Been high on

00:25:39.620 Cocaine

00:25:40.000 I get

00:25:40.380 I started

00:25:41.060 Interviewing

00:25:41.980 Hookers

00:25:42.440 Or whatever

00:25:42.780 Online

00:25:43.320 Or whatever

00:25:43.900 And then next

00:25:44.500 Thing you

00:25:44.780 Know

00:25:45.000 You're

00:25:45.360 You know

00:25:46.420 The saddest

00:25:47.280 Is when

00:25:47.460 You're like

00:25:47.760 You're

00:25:49.040 Negotiating

00:25:49.900 The rate

00:25:50.320 That's like

00:25:50.780 The sad

00:25:51.120 For like

00:25:51.720 75 bucks

00:25:52.960 Off

00:25:53.220 And you're

00:25:53.420 Like this

00:25:53.880 Is

00:25:54.300 This is

00:25:55.840 Not gonna

00:25:56.280 End well

00:25:57.000 You know

00:25:57.360 I don't want

00:25:57.660 To hook up

00:25:58.240 With someone

00:25:58.580 That's like

00:25:59.120 Oh god

00:25:59.760 This guy

00:26:00.100 Is so

00:26:00.400 Like

00:26:00.860 I'm giving

00:26:01.520 Him a

00:26:01.800 Discount

00:26:02.320 Doesn't that

00:26:03.420 Take something

00:26:03.800 Out of it

00:26:04.300 I'd want

00:26:04.600 To pay

00:26:04.800 More I

00:26:05.320 Think

00:26:05.620 Yeah

00:26:06.120 Well that's

00:26:06.880 An overall

00:26:07.280 Great attitude

00:26:08.000 You know

00:26:08.440 I've just

00:26:09.240 You know

00:26:09.860 But I guess

00:26:10.640 When you're

00:26:10.980 High on cocaine

00:26:11.600 You're not

00:26:11.940 Making the

00:26:12.280 Best decisions

00:26:12.860 Yeah and I

00:26:13.720 Didn't have

00:26:14.100 Any money

00:26:14.500 When I was

00:26:14.840 Doing it

00:26:15.220 Right

00:26:15.240 Okay that

00:26:16.360 Makes sense

00:26:16.620 And so

00:26:17.060 Then yeah

00:26:17.680 I think

00:26:18.200 Usually they

00:26:19.300 Take their gum

00:26:19.860 Out

00:26:20.080 One of them

00:26:20.520 Was real

00:26:20.820 Angry one

00:26:21.560 Time

00:26:21.960 And I just

00:26:22.960 Paid her

00:26:23.280 To not be

00:26:23.880 Just to go

00:26:24.740 And a lot

00:26:25.780 Of times

00:26:26.020 For me

00:26:26.460 I get

00:26:26.740 It's like

00:26:27.540 It's

00:26:28.400 I get

00:26:29.540 So I'm

00:26:30.020 So out

00:26:30.580 Like

00:26:31.020 I'm so

00:26:32.500 Like

00:26:32.900 Kind of

00:26:34.020 Freaked out

00:26:34.680 By the time

00:26:35.120 Of the

00:26:35.240 Because you

00:26:35.480 Have to

00:26:35.620 Like hide

00:26:36.160 Everything

00:26:36.560 It's alarming

00:26:37.440 Yeah and you

00:26:37.900 Have a long

00:26:38.240 Time before

00:26:38.600 They show up

00:26:39.180 So the

00:26:39.500 Impulse to

00:26:40.100 Like

00:26:40.380 I'm horny

00:26:41.680 I'm high

00:26:42.520 I have them

00:26:43.580 Come over

00:26:43.940 Then 45 minutes

00:26:45.020 An hour

00:26:45.520 Passes

00:26:46.240 And in that

00:26:47.080 Time

00:26:47.480 Sometimes

00:26:48.220 Are you

00:26:48.520 Like

00:26:48.780 Are you

00:26:50.480 Can you

00:26:51.120 Sustain that

00:26:51.840 Excitement

00:26:52.500 And then they

00:26:52.900 Show up

00:26:53.160 And you're

00:26:53.320 Like I have

00:26:53.660 To do

00:26:53.920 This

00:26:54.300 I think

00:26:55.680 It's a lot

00:26:56.140 Of fear

00:26:56.680 And they

00:26:56.980 A lot

00:26:57.240 Of times

00:26:57.580 Seem like

00:26:58.000 They're

00:26:58.200 Wasted

00:26:58.800 Or something

00:26:59.480 I'm trying

00:27:00.200 To think

00:27:00.500 And do they

00:27:00.740 Look a lot

00:27:01.760 Of times

00:27:01.980 What they

00:27:02.340 Look like

00:27:02.700 In the ad

00:27:03.300 Or

00:27:03.680 No it's

00:27:04.640 Definitely

00:27:04.960 More of

00:27:05.880 A

00:27:06.460 Ross

00:27:08.520 It's more

00:27:08.920 Like you

00:27:09.220 Get like

00:27:09.540 The Ross

00:27:10.100 Version of

00:27:10.720 Whatever

00:27:11.140 You kind

00:27:12.260 Of like

00:27:12.680 Was in

00:27:13.000 The photos

00:27:13.520 A lot

00:27:13.820 Of times

00:27:14.260 But then

00:27:14.880 It's just

00:27:15.160 People don't

00:27:15.540 Want to put

00:27:15.900 Their real

00:27:16.240 Sales

00:27:16.560 Yeah

00:27:16.960 That makes

00:27:17.500 Sense

00:27:17.840 But yeah

00:27:18.640 Most of

00:27:19.040 The time

00:27:19.360 You know

00:27:20.080 And I've

00:27:20.540 Even talked

00:27:20.980 To a lot

00:27:21.380 Of them

00:27:21.520 They say

00:27:24.300 You know

00:27:24.600 A lot

00:27:24.920 Of guys

00:27:25.360 It's a lot

00:27:25.900 Of guys

00:27:26.160 That are

00:27:26.360 High

00:27:26.800 And then

00:27:27.500 They go

00:27:27.840 Over and

00:27:28.140 There's not

00:27:28.600 Even a lot

00:27:29.060 Of sexual

00:27:29.520 Interaction

00:27:30.000 A lot

00:27:30.240 Of times

00:27:30.660 So

00:27:31.280 Because when

00:27:31.740 You're coked

00:27:32.060 Up

00:27:32.600 Doesn't

00:27:32.980 Yeah

00:27:33.540 Your wiener

00:27:34.380 Is not

00:27:35.020 Doing anything

00:27:35.580 Do you convince

00:27:36.100 Yourself it is

00:27:36.820 Going to work

00:27:37.240 Even though

00:27:37.860 Coke dick

00:27:38.520 Everyone knows

00:27:39.020 Is a thing

00:27:39.520 And obviously

00:27:39.960 You've probably

00:27:40.460 Had it happen

00:27:40.940 Before

00:27:41.240 Is that not

00:27:42.480 In your

00:27:42.700 Is your performance

00:27:43.880 Level even

00:27:44.660 A factor

00:27:45.160 Or is it

00:27:45.660 Just like

00:27:46.100 I'm paying

00:27:47.200 For this

00:27:47.540 So it can be

00:27:47.960 Whatever I

00:27:48.340 Want it to be

00:27:48.920 I think

00:27:50.500 Do you want

00:27:51.020 To show them

00:27:51.380 A good time

00:27:52.020 Are you

00:27:52.240 Trying to

00:27:52.460 Make them

00:27:53.020 Come

00:27:53.720 Are you

00:27:53.940 Trying to

00:27:54.160 Stand out

00:27:54.940 As a client

00:27:55.600 I'm just

00:27:56.560 Thinking like

00:27:56.980 What would

00:27:57.480 Go through

00:27:57.760 My head

00:27:58.240 Of like

00:27:58.500 I want

00:27:58.740 This person

00:27:59.120 To remember

00:27:59.600 Me

00:27:59.920 I've never

00:28:01.440 Thought I want

00:28:02.040 To stand out

00:28:02.620 As a client

00:28:03.180 That's insane

00:28:04.780 Like be the

00:28:05.800 Best you've

00:28:06.300 Ever had

00:28:06.740 Like a sex

00:28:07.620 Star is so

00:28:08.160 Pedestrian

00:28:08.760 It's like

00:28:09.120 Ugh

00:28:09.360 Every day

00:28:09.700 The same thing

00:28:10.280 Like

00:28:10.460 You want to

00:28:11.500 Be memorable

00:28:12.040 I don't

00:28:14.540 Wait one time

00:28:15.080 This girl

00:28:15.400 I want to

00:28:16.020 Be completely

00:28:16.860 Unmemorable

00:28:18.060 A lot of

00:28:19.820 Times I put

00:28:20.260 On sunglasses

00:28:21.160 And stuff

00:28:21.700 Because I've

00:28:22.060 Already been

00:28:22.520 High

00:28:22.980 Or I've

00:28:23.980 Been like

00:28:24.320 You know

00:28:24.580 I think a lot

00:28:25.300 Of it is

00:28:25.520 The allure

00:28:26.020 Too

00:28:26.260 It's like

00:28:26.600 I'm high

00:28:26.940 On cocaine

00:28:27.560 We need

00:28:28.040 Some chicks

00:28:28.740 And it's like

00:28:29.420 There's no way

00:28:29.940 To get chicks

00:28:30.720 At like

00:28:31.040 3am

00:28:31.760 If you're

00:28:32.840 Just like

00:28:33.620 Alive

00:28:34.700 You know

00:28:35.200 If you don't

00:28:36.080 You know

00:28:36.360 And you're

00:28:36.600 Not like

00:28:37.080 In a place

00:28:38.580 Where there's

00:28:39.000 Like awake

00:28:39.980 Chicks

00:28:40.500 You know

00:28:40.900 So it's like

00:28:41.700 You have to

00:28:42.300 Reach out

00:28:44.040 To awake

00:28:44.500 Chicks

00:28:44.860 So basically

00:28:45.900 You need

00:28:47.720 Some

00:28:47.880 You need

00:28:49.280 Some girls

00:28:49.620 With insomnia

00:28:50.460 In your home

00:28:51.220 In the middle

00:28:52.360 Of the night

00:28:52.800 It's just

00:28:54.160 Sleep clinic

00:28:54.860 They're really

00:28:55.520 Just awake

00:28:56.420 Chicks

00:28:57.000 It's not even

00:29:00.540 It's like

00:29:01.980 A diner

00:29:02.580 Yeah

00:29:03.180 But I would

00:29:04.240 Say that

00:29:05.300 66%

00:29:06.840 Of the time

00:29:07.540 Or even

00:29:08.020 80%

00:29:09.100 Of the time

00:29:09.640 It's been

00:29:10.420 Like I probably

00:29:11.520 Had maybe

00:29:12.260 I would say

00:29:14.240 Probably

00:29:14.680 I don't know

00:29:15.400 Five

00:29:15.720 Six experiences

00:29:16.540 In my life

00:29:17.180 And

00:29:18.120 80%

00:29:20.300 Of the time

00:29:20.800 It's been

00:29:21.100 A negative

00:29:21.580 Experience

00:29:22.120 Oh wow

00:29:23.160 What was that

00:29:23.820 One good time

00:29:24.560 Because if we're

00:29:24.920 Talking 80%

00:29:25.640 Five times

00:29:26.500 That's

00:29:28.020 I think

00:29:29.680 One time

00:29:30.020 The lady

00:29:30.320 Was just

00:29:30.600 Really really

00:29:31.020 Nice

00:29:31.400 Okay

00:29:31.720 But other times

00:29:33.000 Yeah

00:29:33.180 It's like

00:29:33.420 A lady

00:29:33.880 You know

00:29:34.200 One time

00:29:34.660 A lady

00:29:34.960 Had a gun

00:29:35.600 A guy

00:29:36.240 With a gun

00:29:36.760 Hanging out

00:29:37.240 Outside

00:29:37.740 And it was

00:29:38.720 Like I can't

00:29:39.640 I can't even

00:29:40.220 Get an erection

00:29:40.860 Like if there's

00:29:41.420 Like you know

00:29:42.740 Like broken glass

00:29:43.840 Around

00:29:44.580 So if

00:29:45.600 Oh for sure

00:29:47.640 Dude if I'm hard

00:29:49.860 And somebody

00:29:51.220 There's broken glass

00:29:52.360 In the vicinity

00:29:53.180 If the neighbors

00:29:54.500 Are having a party

00:29:55.160 And somebody

00:29:55.720 Chips a wine glass

00:29:57.040 Like a damn

00:30:01.520 Meat ghost

00:30:02.200 My dick is gone

00:30:03.080 Okay

00:30:04.480 My dick is gone

00:30:05.240 So it's over

00:30:05.920 And the girl

00:30:06.880 That was nice

00:30:07.340 Was she just

00:30:08.040 Like nice afterwards

00:30:09.040 And it was like

00:30:09.640 She was just nice

00:30:10.620 She was just nice

00:30:11.360 She just seemed

00:30:12.040 Like a nice gal

00:30:13.180 Yeah

00:30:13.540 And I'm sure

00:30:15.980 They're so relieved

00:30:16.920 When it's

00:30:17.400 I mean I don't know

00:30:18.000 What you're like

00:30:18.540 In the circumstance

00:30:19.040 But you seem

00:30:19.720 You seem like a nice guy

00:30:21.420 Like even in that

00:30:22.500 State of mind

00:30:23.440 They're probably relieved

00:30:24.680 You're not gonna murder

00:30:26.220 I mean every guy

00:30:27.480 Is a gamble

00:30:28.560 There's so much fear

00:30:30.040 In all that moment

00:30:30.840 Yeah

00:30:31.160 Unless you're like

00:30:31.860 With your

00:30:32.320 Like we had

00:30:34.080 I feel like I'm doing

00:30:37.420 All the talking

00:30:37.900 No no no

00:30:38.480 This is fascinating

00:30:39.060 No no no

00:30:39.640 I wanna know

00:30:40.200 So you've

00:30:41.140 You've gone in

00:30:41.820 With other guys

00:30:42.720 On it before

00:30:43.640 And you had like

00:30:44.380 Two or one show up

00:30:45.600 Well I used to live

00:30:46.580 With a family member

00:30:47.220 That was an exotic dancer

00:30:48.480 You know

00:30:49.280 And not exotic

00:30:50.600 Like Joe

00:30:51.660 Like uh

00:30:52.660 Like in a cage

00:30:54.380 Or something

00:30:54.840 You know

00:30:55.200 With like mange

00:30:56.000 Or something

00:30:56.400 You know

00:30:56.660 Just like a

00:30:58.200 Stripper dancer

00:30:59.200 Yes

00:30:59.700 Lady of the

00:31:00.340 You know

00:31:00.600 Burlet

00:31:01.860 Burlesque

00:31:02.840 But with tits

00:31:03.500 Is stripper

00:31:04.140 A bad word

00:31:05.600 I mean

00:31:06.080 This is not

00:31:07.480 Yeah

00:31:07.900 Exotic dancer though

00:31:09.280 Yeah

00:31:09.580 Yeah I mean

00:31:10.760 She had an LLC

00:31:12.260 And everything

00:31:12.760 So it was like

00:31:13.220 Had you ever seen her perform

00:31:14.240 I mean she's a family member

00:31:15.420 No but we looked similar

00:31:17.040 And every now and then

00:31:17.880 There would be like

00:31:18.320 A businessman

00:31:18.900 That would look at me

00:31:19.740 In a strange way

00:31:20.540 And I would be like

00:31:21.400 And you would know

00:31:21.700 And I would know

00:31:23.260 That flash

00:31:23.880 Like you're talking about

00:31:24.740 Yeah

00:31:25.040 That flash of truth

00:31:25.920 Yeah

00:31:26.480 And it would just hit me like

00:31:27.460 This guy's having some

00:31:29.060 You know

00:31:30.020 He's

00:31:30.820 It's a familiar

00:31:31.520 He's like

00:31:31.800 Have I met you before

00:31:32.840 Yeah

00:31:33.060 And I'd be like

00:31:33.600 No you haven't

00:31:34.820 Get back to your wife

00:31:35.600 You know

00:31:36.700 I'd say shit like that

00:31:37.640 Under my breath

00:31:38.320 But um

00:31:39.420 Were you sad

00:31:40.140 When you found out

00:31:40.780 Your family member

00:31:41.440 Was it something

00:31:42.400 That was like

00:31:42.860 Oh we see this

00:31:43.800 For her

00:31:44.760 Or was it

00:31:45.540 Like you got

00:31:46.400 You can't do this

00:31:47.320 No cause I think

00:31:48.560 I think she kind of

00:31:49.740 Like took it in

00:31:50.300 Like an empowering

00:31:51.060 Type of way

00:31:51.700 I mean I know

00:31:52.440 There was probably

00:31:53.120 Some behind this

00:31:54.180 You know

00:31:54.640 Once I later

00:31:55.440 Got older

00:31:56.040 And realized like

00:31:57.000 Oh we're messed up

00:31:58.520 And that's why

00:31:59.240 You know

00:32:00.020 You know

00:32:01.700 People are showing

00:32:02.440 Their body

00:32:03.020 Or we're out

00:32:03.500 We're out here

00:32:03.920 You know

00:32:04.580 Desperate for some

00:32:05.520 Type of attention

00:32:06.440 Yeah

00:32:06.700 I've always kind of felt

00:32:08.400 Like stand up to me

00:32:10.180 Emotional stripper

00:32:11.440 Yes that's what I feel like

00:32:12.480 The things I talk about

00:32:13.360 The things I say

00:32:14.080 Like have

00:32:15.100 Are so

00:32:16.760 They're like

00:32:19.060 You know

00:32:19.600 They're fully

00:32:20.680 Like what

00:32:22.160 You know

00:32:22.420 Some strippers only do topless

00:32:23.740 What's it called

00:32:24.240 When they're like

00:32:24.740 Yeah

00:32:25.060 I feel like

00:32:25.860 I expose myself

00:32:26.780 Like asshole

00:32:28.900 Everything

00:32:29.460 Like I feel like

00:32:30.040 I sometimes do that

00:32:31.060 You know

00:32:31.360 Metaphorically

00:32:32.080 In a way that's like

00:32:32.940 Who could

00:32:33.620 No one's gonna love me

00:32:35.160 Cause I talk like this

00:32:36.340 Or like

00:32:36.720 Yeah

00:32:37.140 If it gets back to someone

00:32:38.620 That I've done this

00:32:39.500 Or said this thing

00:32:40.580 To a family member

00:32:42.260 Of my boyfriend

00:32:44.060 Or like

00:32:44.840 They'd be ashamed

00:32:46.060 And sometimes

00:32:47.640 You

00:32:47.820 Yeah I feel that way

00:32:49.120 I feel like

00:32:50.100 Ugh

00:32:50.460 Why did I do that

00:32:51.400 That was

00:32:51.840 Gross

00:32:52.900 And then other ways

00:32:53.620 It's like

00:32:53.920 Oh it's really freeing

00:32:54.980 And it's like

00:32:55.400 Fuck

00:32:56.740 What anyone thinks

00:32:58.280 I don't know

00:32:58.780 I struggle with it

00:32:59.640 But I'm sure

00:33:00.760 You know

00:33:01.340 At least I can like

00:33:02.820 Age into this

00:33:03.680 But not even

00:33:04.240 Like as I get older

00:33:05.020 I'm like

00:33:05.280 Stop talking about

00:33:06.620 Sex and all the things

00:33:08.000 That were like

00:33:08.420 A little bit cuter

00:33:09.480 When you were younger

00:33:10.360 But it's like

00:33:11.520 I

00:33:12.120 I'm not

00:33:13.340 I don't think

00:33:14.160 I'm not doing it

00:33:15.180 To like

00:33:15.680 I'm not doing it

00:33:17.540 So people like

00:33:18.140 Think I'm hot

00:33:18.880 Or to like

00:33:19.340 Turn men on

00:33:20.360 That's never been

00:33:21.360 Like my goal

00:33:21.940 And if it does

00:33:22.520 I'm always like

00:33:23.100 Oh god

00:33:24.120 Like

00:33:24.420 I don't like

00:33:25.600 That energy around

00:33:26.260 I don't like

00:33:26.620 When guys come up

00:33:27.520 At meat and greens

00:33:28.140 And they're like

00:33:28.620 Hey

00:33:29.480 Hey

00:33:30.980 Can you roast

00:33:32.900 Can you roast me

00:33:33.880 Like

00:33:34.180 First of all

00:33:35.300 That guy and I

00:33:36.320 Would never be compatible

00:33:37.160 Because that's a guy

00:33:37.880 That like

00:33:38.260 Wants me to

00:33:38.920 Stomp on his balls

00:33:40.400 With a stiletto heel

00:33:41.320 Or something

00:33:41.620 You know what I mean

00:33:42.280 Like that's a guy

00:33:43.060 That likes to get

00:33:43.720 Like a guy that

00:33:44.620 Wants to be roasted

00:33:45.400 And is like

00:33:45.740 Horny for it

00:33:46.480 It's not gonna work

00:33:48.520 But they

00:33:48.820 Some guys do get

00:33:50.060 Horny for it

00:33:50.700 But

00:33:50.920 Do they

00:33:51.700 Oh yeah

00:33:52.500 There are some guys

00:33:53.760 That like love

00:33:54.480 To be

00:33:54.940 Like the fact that

00:33:55.740 They watch my roast

00:33:56.740 And you can tell

00:33:57.660 They show up being like

00:33:58.660 They sit in the front row

00:34:00.080 Just like so eager

00:34:00.820 Like please

00:34:01.780 Please

00:34:02.480 Tell me I have a small

00:34:03.440 Fucking dick

00:34:04.040 Yeah

00:34:04.500 Oh they like it

00:34:05.360 But then

00:34:06.180 Wow

00:34:06.980 Why

00:34:07.440 What do they want

00:34:08.160 Out of that

00:34:08.740 They want

00:34:10.020 What they maybe

00:34:11.060 Don't want

00:34:11.760 They

00:34:12.180 They maybe want

00:34:14.240 Somebody to

00:34:14.920 It's very popular

00:34:15.760 Why they want that

00:34:17.060 Yeah

00:34:17.400 I mean like

00:34:18.060 That's a huge

00:34:19.160 Genre of porn

00:34:20.780 Of just like

00:34:21.440 Being dominated

00:34:22.620 And being told like

00:34:23.640 You little pussy bitch

00:34:25.440 Get your fucking

00:34:26.600 Stupid dick

00:34:27.500 And like

00:34:27.900 Just

00:34:28.200 Yelling at them

00:34:29.400 But I don't like

00:34:30.480 Because your dick

00:34:31.040 Never went to school

00:34:31.900 Boy

00:34:32.300 You know

00:34:33.520 Get your dick

00:34:34.940 Back out there

00:34:35.620 At work

00:34:36.160 Yeah

00:34:37.900 I don't

00:34:38.420 I relate to

00:34:39.440 Like I like the

00:34:40.180 I like the other side

00:34:40.960 Like I enjoy

00:34:42.040 I don't like being

00:34:43.140 Made fun of

00:34:44.520 In bed or sexually

00:34:45.520 Or

00:34:45.920 Called like

00:34:47.660 You're an ugly

00:34:48.560 Like anything mean

00:34:49.780 About me

00:34:50.220 But I like being

00:34:51.240 Dominated or being

00:34:52.700 Told like

00:34:53.860 Just feeling like

00:34:55.160 Powerless a little bit

00:34:56.140 So I get

00:34:56.800 I get what

00:34:57.860 These guys want

00:34:59.080 But I

00:34:59.500 That's not

00:35:00.280 It's the opposite

00:35:01.440 I'm the opposite on stage

00:35:02.540 Of what I would want

00:35:03.160 In a relationship

00:35:03.760 So anyone that's like

00:35:04.660 I'm really horny

00:35:05.780 For like

00:35:06.180 I watch her stand up

00:35:07.340 And I'm just like

00:35:07.940 God she's so fucking hot

00:35:09.240 I'm just like

00:35:09.740 It would never

00:35:10.720 Work between us

00:35:11.760 But you've been

00:35:12.520 I'm sure you've

00:35:13.580 Hooked up with some fans

00:35:15.600 Though huh

00:35:16.020 No never

00:35:16.600 Uh uh

00:35:17.380 No

00:35:17.880 No never

00:35:18.760 I really haven't

00:35:19.740 I just don't

00:35:20.520 I'm not

00:35:21.000 I just feel like

00:35:22.400 I

00:35:22.540 It's not that I'm not

00:35:24.000 Honest up there

00:35:24.900 And it's not

00:35:25.360 Exactly what I want

00:35:26.360 To say

00:35:26.600 And what I want

00:35:27.040 To do

00:35:27.300 But I feel like

00:35:28.280 In a relationship

00:35:28.980 I just want to be

00:35:30.140 Or in a sexual scenario

00:35:31.560 I don't want to be

00:35:33.260 In control

00:35:33.840 I don't want to be

00:35:34.540 In a position of power

00:35:35.920 I don't want to be

00:35:36.440 The one talking

00:35:37.220 I want to be like

00:35:37.880 A quiet hole

00:35:39.140 Wow

00:35:40.340 Like I just don't

00:35:41.200 Want to

00:35:41.660 That's a

00:35:43.440 I do that too

00:35:44.200 I feel like

00:35:44.680 Because stand up

00:35:45.640 Is all about control

00:35:46.480 We write our own stuff

00:35:47.460 We're the only ones

00:35:48.380 On stage

00:35:48.820 We get

00:35:49.300 We have

00:35:50.160 We decide what we write

00:35:51.480 We're the only ones talking

00:35:53.160 We overpower anyone

00:35:54.140 We don't have a band

00:35:54.960 There's no collaboration

00:35:56.720 It's a control thing

00:35:58.200 And I think that

00:35:58.880 Yeah

00:35:59.240 I think in sex

00:36:00.720 Or in a lot of ways

00:36:02.220 We just look for ways

00:36:03.220 To get out of control

00:36:04.100 Because we're like

00:36:04.680 Tired of being in control

00:36:05.600 So that's the last place

00:36:06.600 Where I want any control

00:36:07.680 I don't want to think

00:36:08.880 About anything

00:36:09.500 It's so nice

00:36:10.360 Yeah

00:36:11.080 To not

00:36:11.600 That's the one time

00:36:12.420 Where it's like

00:36:12.880 Even during massages

00:36:14.200 That I pay for

00:36:15.060 I feel like

00:36:15.740 Still a pressure

00:36:17.360 To like

00:36:18.020 Respond to them

00:36:19.980 Or like

00:36:20.440 Stay awake

00:36:21.360 Or talk to them

00:36:22.500 Or like

00:36:23.080 Not fall asleep

00:36:24.660 There's always pressure

00:36:26.040 And I feel like

00:36:26.420 In sex

00:36:26.800 If you're really

00:36:27.880 Connected with someone

00:36:29.540 And like

00:36:29.900 Have that dynamic

00:36:30.620 You can

00:36:30.980 I can really like

00:36:31.900 Disappear and not

00:36:33.000 It's almost like

00:36:34.200 Disappearing in a way

00:36:35.240 That's probably not healthy

00:36:36.140 Because you're like

00:36:36.720 Trying to get out of

00:36:37.620 Who you are

00:36:38.600 And like

00:36:38.920 Not be in the room

00:36:39.940 Yeah

00:36:40.360 But I think that's so fun

00:36:41.300 To be able to do that

00:36:42.000 And not be like

00:36:42.860 To get high

00:36:45.000 From sex

00:36:46.300 Without drugs

00:36:47.280 Or whatever

00:36:47.620 That's

00:36:48.000 I mean

00:36:48.420 If I'm not smoking weed

00:36:49.620 And I don't drink anymore

00:36:50.760 But I go in and out

00:36:51.880 Of smoking weed

00:36:52.820 That's like

00:36:55.040 That's my high

00:36:55.800 And then I want to do that

00:36:56.940 I mean I just like

00:36:57.740 Fucking switch things

00:36:59.200 I mean

00:36:59.920 So you're saying like

00:37:01.000 Okay

00:37:01.340 So you're saying like

00:37:02.540 During

00:37:02.840 So you like being

00:37:03.900 Kind of

00:37:04.420 You're

00:37:05.640 Submissive

00:37:06.540 Okay

00:37:07.160 Yes

00:37:07.720 So then here's what

00:37:08.500 I think is interesting

00:37:09.240 Is I think there's

00:37:10.040 Different reasons

00:37:10.720 Why men and women

00:37:11.880 Then get into

00:37:12.960 Probably comedy

00:37:13.820 For women

00:37:14.580 For men

00:37:15.780 I think the original thing

00:37:17.580 Is I want to be seen

00:37:18.700 By women

00:37:19.180 I want to be validated

00:37:20.440 Yeah

00:37:20.820 I want Sarah to look at me

00:37:23.000 Or I want Angelica

00:37:24.400 To see me

00:37:25.540 And think

00:37:25.960 Oh there's something

00:37:26.700 About him

00:37:27.400 Yeah

00:37:27.620 And it works

00:37:28.360 So for women

00:37:29.880 Then what is that

00:37:30.660 Because if y'all

00:37:31.120 Aren't out there

00:37:31.600 Trying to trap

00:37:32.260 Oh man

00:37:33.120 I'm trying to get seen

00:37:34.160 But I'm trying to get seen

00:37:35.360 And heard

00:37:36.540 And

00:37:37.920 So for women

00:37:39.800 It's more of a business

00:37:40.680 Almost sense

00:37:41.540 I think it's about

00:37:42.880 I think it's about

00:37:43.620 Wanting to be heard

00:37:44.380 And feeling like

00:37:45.160 I just felt like

00:37:46.160 Growing up

00:37:46.580 If I kind of like

00:37:47.860 Really pull it apart

00:37:49.000 And figure out

00:37:49.720 Why I do it

00:37:50.220 I think that's like

00:37:50.700 I felt like a weird kid

00:37:51.920 I never got to

00:37:52.920 The things I would say

00:37:54.160 Would always make people

00:37:54.840 Go like

00:37:55.220 Ew

00:37:55.700 Like what

00:37:56.560 And like

00:37:57.140 Look at each other

00:37:57.800 Concern

00:37:58.320 Want to get me help

00:37:59.200 So I just learned

00:37:59.780 To like

00:38:00.140 Not talk

00:38:01.040 And also I thought

00:38:02.140 That if I ever talked

00:38:03.560 Boys would call me ugly

00:38:05.820 So if I ever said something

00:38:07.800 It would make

00:38:08.900 It would make people

00:38:09.460 Look at me

00:38:09.880 And remember that I existed

00:38:10.960 And then they would

00:38:11.680 Call me ugly

00:38:12.380 And then that's like

00:38:13.980 I mean

00:38:14.420 Because it happened

00:38:15.120 A couple times

00:38:16.060 Enough where it was like

00:38:16.900 Okay I learned my lesson

00:38:17.780 Like do not talk

00:38:19.660 Because the boys

00:38:20.720 That are like

00:38:21.580 Just be quiet

00:38:23.160 Yeah just

00:38:24.060 And the boys that liked me

00:38:25.440 Honestly

00:38:25.840 I look back

00:38:26.480 And I'm like

00:38:26.840 They were the ones

00:38:27.820 That called me Ellen

00:38:28.760 When Ellen was like

00:38:29.880 Had just come out

00:38:30.440 And was gay

00:38:31.460 Did you seem like

00:38:32.480 A gay woman

00:38:33.140 Yeah because

00:38:33.900 I didn't like boys

00:38:34.520 Were you wearing like

00:38:34.640 A lot of gay looking stuff

00:38:35.820 No I just didn't like boys

00:38:37.040 I did

00:38:37.440 I liked boys

00:38:38.120 But I didn't want

00:38:38.700 To talk to them

00:38:39.240 I didn't want to

00:38:40.100 Kiss them

00:38:40.560 I didn't want to date

00:38:41.180 I mean I wanted to

00:38:41.980 But I didn't know how

00:38:42.780 And so I just never

00:38:43.680 Had boyfriends

00:38:44.660 And so I think

00:38:45.220 That they were just like

00:38:45.940 Nikki's gay

00:38:46.840 So they called me Ellen

00:38:48.080 And then like you know

00:38:49.800 Just

00:38:50.100 But were you doing

00:38:51.200 Hand jobs and stuff

00:38:52.220 Were you proving yourself

00:38:53.060 No dude

00:38:53.520 I didn't do anything

00:38:54.480 Wow so you weren't

00:38:55.280 Proving that you weren't gay

00:38:56.320 No I mean I didn't

00:38:57.900 I definitely didn't think I was

00:38:59.800 Because I love

00:39:00.340 Jonathan Taylor Thomas

00:39:01.220 Like a lot

00:39:02.400 But he's almost a woman

00:39:04.080 I'm not wrong

00:39:06.100 Zac Efron too

00:39:06.980 I mean he's beautiful

00:39:07.200 I mean they're a handsome guy

00:39:08.020 But they're you know

00:39:08.700 No when I

00:39:09.280 They get to that

00:39:10.100 Zac Efron was my first

00:39:12.100 Like I would say

00:39:13.040 My most recent

00:39:13.820 That I was just like

00:39:14.380 Jesus Christ

00:39:15.140 And I looked his face

00:39:15.840 One day I'm like

00:39:16.280 He has a woman's face

00:39:17.420 Like he's a really pretty guy

00:39:19.620 So I don't know

00:39:20.480 I definitely somewhere

00:39:21.880 On the spectrum

00:39:23.380 But no I like dudes

00:39:24.840 And I

00:39:25.400 But I was too scared of them

00:39:26.640 Because I just

00:39:27.340 I thought I would be bad

00:39:28.380 At things

00:39:28.640 That's why I'm so interested

00:39:29.340 In like how do you

00:39:30.100 Make a first move

00:39:30.900 Like how do you go

00:39:31.420 From library to sex

00:39:32.540 Because to me

00:39:33.340 Even now I'm like

00:39:34.500 How

00:39:35.680 If you're not drunk

00:39:37.020 How do you make

00:39:38.280 A first move

00:39:38.860 How do you go from

00:39:39.600 Like we

00:39:40.360 Are just people talking

00:39:42.000 To we are going to

00:39:42.900 Put ourselves inside

00:39:44.320 Each other

00:39:44.820 Is just so wild

00:39:46.040 To me

00:39:46.380 And I was just

00:39:46.920 Too scared

00:39:47.360 I couldn't

00:39:47.880 Couldn't do it

00:39:48.480 I didn't kiss a boy

00:39:49.100 Until I was

00:39:49.560 17

00:39:50.860 Wow really

00:39:52.240 Yeah and it was just

00:39:53.200 Because my friend

00:39:53.980 Literally like brought

00:39:54.980 This guy in the room

00:39:55.720 And was like

00:39:56.180 You're making out

00:39:56.940 With him

00:39:57.200 And like sat him down

00:39:58.020 And was like

00:39:58.380 You two go

00:39:59.260 And I was like

00:39:59.700 Thank you

00:40:00.700 Someone's making me

00:40:01.720 Do something

00:40:02.220 So I feel like

00:40:03.180 In sex

00:40:03.700 When I'm a submissive

00:40:04.820 Or like in that

00:40:05.500 Kind of role

00:40:05.900 And someone's making

00:40:06.860 Me do stuff

00:40:07.680 Or you know

00:40:09.300 With like my consent

00:40:11.080 Like their safe words

00:40:12.040 And stuff

00:40:12.300 But if someone's

00:40:12.780 Making me do something

00:40:14.140 I can do anything

00:40:15.460 I'll do anything

00:40:16.720 Because I'm a people pleaser

00:40:17.700 And it's not my fault

00:40:18.840 If I do this wrong

00:40:20.060 Well I didn't even want to

00:40:20.900 You made me do it

00:40:21.720 If I am not good

00:40:23.620 At this thing

00:40:24.260 Well you said

00:40:25.700 I had to

00:40:26.300 It's like

00:40:26.800 Why should I be good

00:40:28.140 At this

00:40:28.420 It's the first time

00:40:28.920 I'm doing it

00:40:29.360 You're making me

00:40:29.840 Do this thing

00:40:30.180 So I have an out

00:40:31.100 Oh so it's almost

00:40:32.420 Oh so it's almost like

00:40:32.800 You kind of play

00:40:34.580 That damned Linda Stratt

00:40:36.220 Or just

00:40:36.680 Yeah

00:40:37.380 Yeah a little bit

00:40:38.900 Tied up

00:40:39.440 And just like

00:40:39.960 I can't

00:40:40.540 I mean I used to

00:40:41.180 Have a joke about it

00:40:41.860 But I liked

00:40:42.400 Being tied up

00:40:43.180 A lot of times

00:40:43.740 Because I wouldn't

00:40:44.820 Have to do anything

00:40:45.640 To the guy

00:40:46.240 And not because

00:40:47.140 I was like lazy

00:40:47.920 But because

00:40:48.720 I didn't want to like

00:40:50.760 Be bad at things

00:40:51.780 I just always thought

00:40:52.400 I just had too

00:40:53.280 I would overhear boys

00:40:54.860 And hear them talk

00:40:55.740 About girls

00:40:56.440 And be like

00:40:57.420 Oh you know

00:40:58.080 She gave me

00:40:58.980 Like she

00:40:59.520 Scraped my dick

00:41:01.100 With her teeth

00:41:01.540 Too much teeth

00:41:02.260 Oh yeah there's always

00:41:03.000 That kind of stuff

00:41:03.620 When you were young

00:41:04.280 And it would ruin

00:41:04.980 Everybody's so scared

00:41:06.700 Yeah

00:41:07.000 If you're a high school

00:41:08.000 Student out there

00:41:08.860 Boys

00:41:09.260 She left freckles

00:41:10.300 On my dick

00:41:10.800 Somebody said that

00:41:11.580 One time

00:41:11.920 That is the worst

00:41:12.720 That's the way

00:41:13.340 You will not get pussy

00:41:14.340 Is if you talk

00:41:15.160 Around girls

00:41:15.900 That you want to fuck

00:41:16.980 About girls

00:41:18.200 That you have slept with

00:41:18.980 And you disparage them

00:41:20.000 You might think it

00:41:21.220 Because I get the psychology

00:41:22.940 Of guys

00:41:23.460 If you like a girl

00:41:24.260 You talk badly

00:41:25.120 About other girls

00:41:25.780 So that this girl

00:41:26.860 Feels like

00:41:27.360 Oh I don't like her

00:41:29.260 I like you

00:41:29.740 But girls

00:41:30.620 For me at least

00:41:31.500 I would hear that

00:41:32.080 And say

00:41:32.440 He's going to do that to me

00:41:33.540 So I'm not ever

00:41:34.420 Going to touch this guy

00:41:35.240 Because I don't want to be

00:41:36.300 The girl that gets made fun of

00:41:37.480 Behind

00:41:37.900 You know

00:41:39.380 My back

00:41:39.960 I remember my buddy

00:41:41.940 One time

00:41:42.520 Got the first BJ

00:41:44.420 In our area right

00:41:45.540 And I mean

00:41:46.040 People were fucking

00:41:47.040 Fired up

00:41:47.900 Wait what is

00:41:48.400 We're talking

00:41:48.900 Your area

00:41:50.520 Seventh grade

00:41:51.180 Yeah yeah

00:41:51.840 That was around

00:41:52.640 The same

00:41:53.120 So he got BJ'd up

00:41:55.040 And everybody was fucking

00:41:56.100 You could hear people

00:41:56.840 Cheering in the damn distance

00:41:58.260 It was like

00:41:58.900 You know

00:41:59.160 You could hear his ancestors

00:42:00.580 He did it

00:42:02.140 You know

00:42:02.760 He did it

00:42:03.760 23 and he was lightened up

00:42:05.200 Yeah

00:42:05.420 You could see

00:42:06.220 I mean

00:42:06.500 Betsy Ross

00:42:07.220 Just put another star

00:42:08.340 On the flag

00:42:09.180 You know

00:42:09.560 Like

00:42:09.860 People were excited

00:42:11.380 Right

00:42:11.800 Yes

00:42:12.320 So then

00:42:13.280 The story came out

00:42:15.220 That people started

00:42:16.240 Hearing about it

00:42:16.960 Yeah

00:42:17.160 And then

00:42:18.080 The gal's parents

00:42:19.220 Heard about it

00:42:20.000 So then

00:42:21.380 The gal

00:42:22.220 And her parents

00:42:23.240 Went over

00:42:23.860 The parents

00:42:24.420 Called my buddy's parents

00:42:25.700 Oh my god

00:42:26.880 Oh this poor girl

00:42:27.980 Because they were

00:42:28.600 Real pretty religious

00:42:29.420 And so they said

00:42:30.160 Well we're gonna

00:42:30.660 Come over there

00:42:31.200 And talk about this

00:42:32.040 If people's BJ'ing

00:42:33.240 And if our child's BJ'ing

00:42:35.140 We're gonna come over there

00:42:35.880 And talk about it

00:42:36.720 So they drove over

00:42:38.740 And my buddy

00:42:39.940 Was like

00:42:40.480 Dude

00:42:40.800 I remember talking

00:42:41.760 To him on the phone

00:42:42.220 Right before

00:42:42.500 He's like

00:42:42.740 I have to go sit in there

00:42:43.960 Oh my god

00:42:44.760 And they want us

00:42:45.680 To tell them

00:42:47.160 Everything that happened

00:42:48.080 No

00:42:48.560 Yeah

00:42:49.040 Here's the crazy part

00:42:50.540 Here's the craziest part

00:42:52.620 They made them

00:42:54.580 Not like

00:42:55.520 Physically show them

00:42:56.420 Like with their sexual parts

00:42:57.340 But like

00:42:57.760 Okay

00:42:58.400 Show us how you were

00:42:59.680 Show us how you were

00:43:01.280 So then

00:43:01.860 The gal

00:43:02.880 Is

00:43:03.100 Cause my buddy

00:43:03.900 Let me put the phone

00:43:05.280 On

00:43:05.800 And let it be

00:43:06.540 Just under the table

00:43:07.480 In there

00:43:07.860 When the meeting

00:43:08.940 Was going on

00:43:09.540 Oh my god

00:43:10.300 So

00:43:11.020 Cause I think

00:43:11.560 The parents

00:43:11.960 Wanted to make sure

00:43:12.620 That everything

00:43:13.140 Wasn't

00:43:13.660 There was nothing

00:43:14.140 Like forced

00:43:15.140 That happened

00:43:15.700 Okay

00:43:16.240 So they're having

00:43:17.340 It basically

00:43:17.960 Reenactment

00:43:18.700 Right

00:43:19.140 Then here's the crazy part

00:43:20.660 They send the kids

00:43:22.500 Out of the room

00:43:23.160 So that they can

00:43:23.760 Talk about it

00:43:24.500 And I don't remember

00:43:26.460 Exactly

00:43:27.080 But I swear

00:43:28.620 My buddy

00:43:29.460 Did you give him

00:43:29.720 Another one

00:43:30.100 Another play job

00:43:31.300 While they were

00:43:36.640 Talking about it

00:43:37.640 Man

00:43:38.020 That's when you gotta

00:43:39.200 Fucking beat that hammer

00:43:40.540 Son

00:43:41.020 I mean

00:43:41.440 The seventh grade

00:43:42.560 I remember the first girl

00:43:43.720 That gave a blood

00:43:44.260 Eighth grade

00:43:44.840 The first girl

00:43:45.500 And it was just like

00:43:46.240 It was out

00:43:47.380 I couldn't believe

00:43:48.640 You would put

00:43:49.700 Your mouth

00:43:50.720 On a penis

00:43:51.680 Like

00:43:51.960 All the chicks

00:43:53.300 Were like

00:43:53.600 And all the guys

00:43:54.540 Were like

00:43:54.840 Yeah

00:43:55.760 I mean

00:43:56.480 It was so titillating

00:43:57.500 I wanted to know

00:43:58.300 Everything about it

00:43:59.400 But I was like

00:44:00.060 God damn it

00:44:00.780 I haven't even kissed a boy

00:44:01.620 I'm years away

00:44:02.640 From kissing a guy

00:44:03.380 A friend of mine

00:44:04.540 Just put

00:44:04.940 I remember sobbing

00:44:06.160 The first time

00:44:06.640 One of my close friends

00:44:08.020 Sucked a penis

00:44:09.020 I cried

00:44:10.460 So hard

00:44:11.960 Because I knew

00:44:12.660 That I would have

00:44:13.060 To do it someday

00:44:13.680 Oh

00:44:14.140 And I also knew

00:44:15.360 That I lost her

00:44:16.040 Like we don't have

00:44:16.660 Anything in common

00:44:17.200 Now if you can do that

00:44:18.260 It was like my friends

00:44:19.340 Who rode roller coasters

00:44:20.180 I wanted to so bad

00:44:21.220 But I was too scared

00:44:21.920 I just couldn't do it

00:44:22.900 And I would just sit

00:44:24.160 At Six Flags

00:44:24.720 And sit on the bench

00:44:25.560 Janet's gone

00:44:26.760 Yeah

00:44:27.100 Yep

00:44:27.740 That's how I felt

00:44:28.540 She's gone

00:44:29.100 And I lost her

00:44:29.800 I really cried

00:44:30.560 Like I mourned it

00:44:31.500 Because I just felt like

00:44:32.320 I'm getting left behind

00:44:33.200 And I did

00:44:33.720 Like all my friends

00:44:34.420 Got boyfriends

00:44:35.120 Were like

00:44:35.600 Hooking up

00:44:36.700 Getting their pussies eaten

00:44:38.460 And I just

00:44:39.220 Had never even kissed a boy

00:44:40.400 And I would be like

00:44:40.900 Just

00:44:41.080 But I knew everything

00:44:42.440 I would ask every detail

00:44:44.080 So by the time

00:44:44.940 I did that stuff

00:44:45.460 I knew exactly

00:44:46.280 What to do

00:44:46.940 I was not

00:44:48.140 I was not nervous

00:44:49.140 By the time

00:44:49.640 That I got

00:44:50.560 To the place

00:44:51.500 You were like

00:44:52.020 The librarian of it

00:44:53.100 Kind of

00:44:53.400 It seems like

00:44:54.060 You were kind of

00:44:54.680 The

00:44:54.820 At that point

00:44:55.720 You were

00:44:55.960 Yeah

00:44:56.360 Yes

00:44:57.140 I knew everything

00:44:58.440 And I didn't get my period

00:44:59.660 Until super late

00:45:00.360 And I was

00:45:00.920 By the time I got my period

00:45:02.020 All my

00:45:02.660 I knew everything about

00:45:03.460 Because my friends

00:45:04.040 I would ask every detail

00:45:05.080 I put in a tampon

00:45:06.240 Like I was like

00:45:06.760 An old grizzled ant

00:45:08.500 Like it was like

00:45:09.120 I'd been doing it for years

00:45:10.160 And you as a girl

00:45:11.140 You don't start with tampons

00:45:12.040 You start with like pads

00:45:12.960 Or like toilet paper

00:45:13.720 And you're like

00:45:14.060 Am I dying?

00:45:15.140 Why am I bleeding?

00:45:16.000 But I was just like

00:45:16.580 Oh I know what to do here

00:45:17.740 Because I just knew

00:45:19.160 Because I had asked

00:45:19.900 So many questions

00:45:20.520 And I think that's

00:45:21.440 What I still have

00:45:22.420 Is that like

00:45:22.940 Curiosity about sex

00:45:24.380 Like even though I have it

00:45:25.720 And now I'm in that world

00:45:26.940 I still am just like

00:45:27.940 I just want to know

00:45:29.100 Every detail

00:45:29.800 I just think it's fascinating

00:45:30.940 Like how we get

00:45:32.160 From being clothed

00:45:33.300 To unclothed

00:45:34.300 And like

00:45:34.960 Licking each other's privates

00:45:37.380 It's just so weird

00:45:38.380 You gotta get

00:45:39.800 You gotta get stupid

00:45:41.760 Like you

00:45:42.940 That's what horniness does

00:45:45.480 It makes you kind of dumb

00:45:46.380 Well yeah

00:45:47.400 And when you think about

00:45:48.240 That horniness

00:45:49.020 Is built into you

00:45:50.240 I mean when you're a child

00:45:51.560 And it starts to go off

00:45:53.040 In you

00:45:53.520 I mean it's basically

00:45:54.800 Like you're sitting there

00:45:55.840 Just pretending

00:45:57.080 That you're not

00:45:57.700 Just full of fireworks

00:45:58.760 All the time

00:45:59.360 You know

00:45:59.660 Did you know what the feeling was?

00:46:00.760 Because I didn't know

00:46:01.280 What it was

00:46:01.840 I was just like

00:46:02.620 Oh yeah

00:46:03.240 I remember being horny bro

00:46:04.600 Were you

00:46:05.040 And by

00:46:06.660 I don't know what it was

00:46:08.420 I didn't know

00:46:08.960 To have shame about it

00:46:10.100 Like I didn't know

00:46:11.500 That this

00:46:12.100 Was a feeling

00:46:13.120 Like I would just watch

00:46:14.200 Dave Matthews

00:46:15.800 Storytellers on VH1

00:46:17.160 And like rock back and forth

00:46:18.380 On my heel

00:46:19.080 And not really

00:46:19.720 Like sweating

00:46:20.800 And getting like

00:46:21.620 Real horned up

00:46:22.460 And do it in front of my parents

00:46:23.700 Like I wouldn't even know

00:46:24.780 What I was feeling

00:46:25.800 I was so out of touch

00:46:27.060 With like

00:46:28.020 What that was

00:46:28.880 Do you remember like

00:46:29.960 The first time you started getting

00:46:31.080 The buzz?

00:46:32.560 I remember

00:46:33.000 My buddy William

00:46:33.680 Would like drag his body

00:46:35.020 Across the carpet

00:46:35.820 With like front down

00:46:36.940 You know

00:46:37.240 With the front side down

00:46:38.360 And just

00:46:38.780 He would literally just like

00:46:40.700 In the military crawl

00:46:41.960 All around the fucking house

00:46:43.180 Getting hard

00:46:44.120 You know

00:46:44.580 And uh

00:46:46.440 I mean

00:46:47.500 You know

00:46:47.840 Yeah you'd see like

00:46:48.680 We'd be watching an episode

00:46:49.840 Of like

00:46:50.440 Little House on the Prairie

00:46:51.380 And like

00:46:51.640 You know

00:46:52.280 They'd get in there swimming

00:46:53.440 You know

00:46:54.080 Long Johns

00:46:55.020 And damn

00:46:55.420 There goes William

00:46:56.300 Just damn

00:46:56.880 Elbow crawling bro

00:46:58.000 He'd be off

00:46:59.020 He'd do two laps

00:47:00.700 Through the kitchen bro

00:47:01.680 Before he'd come back

00:47:02.980 Back to us

00:47:03.660 Lieutenant Danning

00:47:04.380 He just couldn't handle it

00:47:05.800 He's just keeping his front

00:47:06.860 Just flush on the carpet

00:47:08.700 You know

00:47:09.260 Yeah I mean

00:47:10.700 Well it's interesting

00:47:11.320 That so that happens

00:47:12.560 Inside of us

00:47:13.200 So that's a thing

00:47:13.900 That says

00:47:14.360 Hey we want to have sex

00:47:15.460 We want to procreate

00:47:16.720 And we

00:47:17.220 And nature wants it to happen

00:47:19.300 Kind of

00:47:19.720 Sometime after that

00:47:21.100 Probably

00:47:21.480 Nature

00:47:21.960 Yes

00:47:22.560 Yes

00:47:22.960 You know what I'm saying

00:47:23.240 So that's

00:47:23.720 Nature's plan

00:47:24.540 You know

00:47:26.080 Is

00:47:26.980 People

00:47:28.040 Doing sex

00:47:29.400 When they're probably

00:47:30.360 16 or something

00:47:33.000 Or 14

00:47:33.600 You know

00:47:33.880 Oh yeah

00:47:34.240 That's nature's plan

00:47:35.420 Sure

00:47:35.960 So then we come in

00:47:38.080 With our human plan

00:47:39.220 And we say

00:47:40.700 Well these are some

00:47:41.500 Of our rules

00:47:42.320 And stuff

00:47:42.960 And it's like

00:47:43.940 Okay well

00:47:44.900 That's when a lot of

00:47:46.700 Like

00:47:47.060 Illegalities happen

00:47:49.460 You know

00:47:49.840 Yeah

00:47:50.060 And sex issues

00:47:51.140 And stuff like that

00:47:52.180 You know

00:47:52.640 But

00:47:53.380 I feel like

00:47:54.040 I remember

00:47:54.800 I remember

00:47:55.520 Yeah

00:47:55.800 Somebody

00:47:56.360 You know

00:47:57.160 Oh then I remember

00:47:59.680 I ended up getting

00:48:00.520 A BJ one time

00:48:01.960 First one

00:48:02.720 Yeah

00:48:04.160 And we met out

00:48:06.300 Oh I remember

00:48:06.920 We were meeting

00:48:07.500 In the woods

00:48:08.180 It was at a party

00:48:08.900 Yeah

00:48:09.280 I was like

00:48:09.600 Let's go meet

00:48:10.000 In the woods

00:48:10.460 And Louisiana

00:48:11.740 Has wood woods

00:48:13.100 It's not

00:48:13.480 I mean

00:48:13.720 There's like

00:48:14.240 Spiders

00:48:15.020 There's like

00:48:15.840 Dragons

00:48:16.960 There's like

00:48:18.800 Dead bitches

00:48:19.980 Out there

00:48:20.540 Probably

00:48:20.920 Yeah

00:48:21.280 You know

00:48:21.720 There's pirate ships

00:48:22.940 There's a lot

00:48:23.740 In there

00:48:24.300 So you meet

00:48:24.840 In the woods

00:48:25.500 Well we met

00:48:26.060 In the woods

00:48:26.360 And it was

00:48:26.720 Getting damp

00:48:27.440 Like we were

00:48:27.960 Meeting

00:48:28.260 It was getting

00:48:28.780 Real

00:48:29.180 Muddy

00:48:30.960 So I mean

00:48:32.240 I remember

00:48:32.600 Being

00:48:32.880 Oh

00:48:33.280 We were slogging

00:48:34.600 And dude

00:48:34.860 And then I remember

00:48:35.380 Getting even

00:48:35.960 A little bit more

00:48:36.940 Like

00:48:37.360 Almost like

00:48:38.480 Probably a couple

00:48:38.960 Inches of water

00:48:39.820 Oh my god

00:48:40.780 Where are we meeting

00:48:41.740 And I'd gone

00:48:42.300 Kind of the wrong

00:48:43.060 Way to meet

00:48:43.700 So I'm like

00:48:45.320 You know

00:48:46.080 I'm like

00:48:47.040 Out in damn

00:48:48.280 You know

00:48:49.140 I'm almost in

00:48:49.760 South Carolina

00:48:50.500 You know what I'm saying

00:48:51.380 Like I really

00:48:52.160 You know

00:48:53.280 I'm in the backdrop

00:48:54.280 Of where the crawdads sing

00:48:55.800 You know what I'm saying

00:48:56.240 It's really like

00:48:57.360 I'm passing boats

00:48:59.440 Like

00:48:59.720 And you don't have phones

00:49:00.660 How do you know

00:49:01.160 Where to meet this girl

00:49:02.120 Dude

00:49:02.720 I was just following

00:49:03.940 The possibility

00:49:05.040 That I was gonna

00:49:06.760 Get a BJ

00:49:07.360 Did it happen

00:49:08.240 I would still be walking

00:49:09.940 If the possibility

00:49:12.120 Had never left my head

00:49:14.040 And so

00:49:15.300 I finally

00:49:16.360 We finally

00:49:17.280 Got to each other

00:49:18.060 And by that point

00:49:18.800 I mean

00:49:19.180 I had

00:49:19.660 Like locusts on me

00:49:21.380 I had like

00:49:22.000 I was a damn

00:49:24.440 Ecosystem

00:49:25.420 You know

00:49:25.900 Like I was certainly

00:49:27.500 I wasn't doing great

00:49:29.500 You know

00:49:30.260 There was like

00:49:30.740 Scientists

00:49:31.320 Texting me

00:49:32.620 There was like

00:49:33.220 Oh my god

00:49:34.440 You know

00:49:34.660 It was really

00:49:35.460 It was bad

00:49:37.300 You know

00:49:38.080 You were

00:49:39.340 Vastiduous

00:49:40.220 Oh there was moss

00:49:41.600 Growing on the north side

00:49:42.820 Of me

00:49:43.000 Like I had barely

00:49:44.540 Made it to

00:49:45.220 I was three years older

00:49:46.620 When I got to her

00:49:47.340 When I finally got there

00:49:49.080 It was illegal

00:49:50.100 For her to give me

00:49:51.720 The blowjob

00:49:52.340 Oh my god

00:49:53.720 That's how long

00:49:54.240 It took

00:49:54.720 Man

00:49:55.060 Was it awesome

00:49:56.000 Was it like

00:49:57.220 As good as you

00:49:58.440 Had thought it would be

00:49:59.800 Because I mean

00:50:00.960 I'm guessing

00:50:01.460 This girl is like

00:50:02.120 A younger

00:50:02.520 Like you're on the

00:50:03.380 Younger side of things

00:50:04.220 It's probably one of

00:50:04.840 Her first two

00:50:05.620 Maybe you know

00:50:06.680 Maybe she doesn't

00:50:08.040 Know what she's doing

00:50:08.620 But was it

00:50:09.240 Just so great

00:50:10.140 Well by that point

00:50:12.000 Other kids had come

00:50:12.820 And looking for us

00:50:13.580 You know

00:50:14.000 Oh okay

00:50:14.640 By that point

00:50:15.560 By the time we finally

00:50:16.660 Met it

00:50:16.980 There were other kids

00:50:17.680 Yelling in the distance

00:50:18.380 Yeah because you were

00:50:18.780 Missing

00:50:19.400 For hours

00:50:20.280 Oh it was crazy

00:50:21.520 It was a search party

00:50:22.040 Oh it was crazy

00:50:23.180 There was a lantern

00:50:23.980 I remember

00:50:24.620 I'm like

00:50:25.140 Somebody has a lantern

00:50:26.720 Out here

00:50:27.300 There was a lantern

00:50:29.360 There was beagles

00:50:30.180 Oh there were two beagles

00:50:31.260 You know

00:50:32.400 It was getting

00:50:35.060 It was getting

00:50:35.960 Really really bad

00:50:36.920 You know

00:50:37.360 And so we had to

00:50:38.320 Shut it down

00:50:39.000 Okay

00:50:39.600 And then

00:50:41.520 Another time

00:50:43.360 So then we rebooked it

00:50:46.980 For a couple of weeks

00:50:47.640 Later

00:50:47.840 When someone else

00:50:48.720 Had a party

00:50:49.200 Yeah

00:50:49.460 You know

00:50:50.000 So

00:50:51.620 So you knew

00:50:52.920 It was gonna be

00:50:53.400 A blowjob

00:50:53.900 Yeah

00:50:54.380 I knew it

00:50:55.580 Because she had maybe

00:50:56.200 Done it before

00:50:56.800 Yeah

00:50:57.500 And she was like

00:50:58.300 The one that you knew

00:50:59.000 To go to

00:50:59.540 For that kind of thing

00:51:00.340 But I also liked her

00:51:01.840 Oh yeah

00:51:02.860 That's sweet

00:51:03.780 So I really really liked her

00:51:05.920 And I think I was also

00:51:07.260 There was embarrassment

00:51:08.160 Because she'd done

00:51:09.260 Some blowjob

00:51:10.100 Yes

00:51:11.180 You know

00:51:11.640 So you thought

00:51:12.380 Did you

00:51:13.420 I like her

00:51:14.020 But I'm afraid

00:51:14.600 Of what other people

00:51:15.320 Will think if I like her

00:51:16.280 Oh yeah

00:51:16.860 Because she's a slut

00:51:17.660 Well I don't know if she's a slut

00:51:19.040 But she'd done some blowjobs

00:51:20.080 Right

00:51:20.360 Well I was saying slut

00:51:21.520 As in like people

00:51:22.240 Might think she's

00:51:23.180 And then what does that mean

00:51:24.500 And then you can't

00:51:25.600 Yeah

00:51:26.420 Are you one of these guys

00:51:27.560 That if you're dating someone

00:51:29.780 You don't want to know

00:51:30.420 About their history

00:51:31.060 You don't want to

00:51:31.660 You kind of want to

00:51:32.200 Convince yourself

00:51:32.960 You kind of want to be

00:51:34.960 In denial of their past

00:51:36.440 Even though you know

00:51:37.580 Like you just don't want to

00:51:38.360 Know about stuff

00:51:39.180 Yeah as an adult

00:51:40.640 I don't know if I care anymore

00:51:41.500 Oh that's good

00:51:42.240 Because it's like

00:51:43.560 Unless they were like

00:51:45.360 Working

00:51:45.680 Yeah I don't think

00:51:46.760 I care really

00:51:47.480 I think it's more now

00:51:48.740 About what the connection is

00:51:50.340 You know

00:51:50.620 Yeah

00:51:50.900 But then I remember

00:51:52.720 Me and this gal

00:51:53.440 We befriended somebody

00:51:54.660 So we could go to

00:51:55.340 Their birthday right

00:51:56.420 Like we kind of like

00:51:57.100 Oh because you needed

00:51:57.760 A spot

00:51:58.380 Right so we ended up

00:51:59.420 At this nerdy girl's birthday

00:52:01.840 Right

00:52:02.300 Met her at the library

00:52:03.100 I'm sure

00:52:03.420 Neither of us even

00:52:05.020 Really knew her

00:52:05.740 And we're at the party

00:52:06.480 And we're trying to

00:52:06.920 Just using her

00:52:07.440 For her guest room

00:52:08.380 Oh people are trying to

00:52:09.380 Like just play games

00:52:10.640 And stuff

00:52:11.160 And it was water balloons

00:52:12.480 And like it was really

00:52:13.600 It was still like

00:52:15.000 They were real

00:52:16.900 They was more premature

00:52:19.000 You know

00:52:19.760 And so we were trying

00:52:21.620 To get a sneak off

00:52:22.540 For this BJ

00:52:23.300 You know

00:52:23.800 And they're doing like

00:52:24.400 Pin the tail on the donkey

00:52:25.500 Just things where it's like

00:52:26.420 We gotta get this BJ

00:52:28.560 There's a clown

00:52:29.340 Yeah

00:52:29.900 And time was ticking

00:52:31.160 It was getting later in the day

00:52:32.380 Like there was a pony

00:52:33.140 There was a pony ride

00:52:33.960 And everything

00:52:34.300 Oh my god

00:52:34.560 Oh my god

00:52:35.280 So like we gotta sneak off

00:52:36.360 And get this BJ in

00:52:37.720 Somewhere around here

00:52:38.640 And so we snuck off

00:52:40.760 Behind this tree

00:52:41.660 And it was like

00:52:42.520 They don't really have

00:52:44.440 Trees wide enough

00:52:45.500 To get a BJ behind them

00:52:46.840 Where I'm from

00:52:47.460 You know

00:52:48.140 Without somebody seeing

00:52:49.240 It just seems like

00:52:49.940 Thin birches

00:52:50.680 Yeah it's a lot more

00:52:52.220 What's the thickest tree

00:52:53.300 In Louisiana you think

00:52:54.320 Zach

00:52:54.620 If you can pull something

00:52:55.340 Up like that

00:52:55.880 Cause you can really

00:53:00.780 Get blown behind

00:53:01.600 One of these

00:53:02.180 Okay

00:53:02.920 You know

00:53:04.100 No

00:53:05.900 Yeah yeah

00:53:06.580 Search only for thickest

00:53:07.540 That taxodium

00:53:09.260 Distictum huh

00:53:10.220 15.90

00:53:11.720 No what is that

00:53:12.420 Meters

00:53:12.680 It says girth

00:53:13.300 Yeah

00:53:13.620 Yeah it's by girth

00:53:15.320 We're talking meters here

00:53:16.620 I assume diameter

00:53:18.380 So

00:53:20.380 Well I guess

00:53:22.200 These people couldn't

00:53:22.800 Afford one of those

00:53:23.720 Right

00:53:24.320 So because that's

00:53:25.000 Really wide enough

00:53:25.740 Almost

00:53:26.120 Especially at that age

00:53:27.200 In California

00:53:27.900 You got the redwoods

00:53:28.780 You can fucking

00:53:29.280 Have an orgy

00:53:30.100 Behind one of those

00:53:30.720 Yeah

00:53:31.460 Oh dude

00:53:34.340 You can build a CarMax

00:53:35.380 Behind one of them

00:53:36.140 What

00:53:37.520 But anyway

00:53:39.040 I couldn't

00:53:39.560 And the kid's mom

00:53:41.340 Came over

00:53:42.120 Oh shit

00:53:42.860 And was like

00:53:43.800 Y'all are blowjobbing

00:53:44.880 And I was like

00:53:45.560 I'm not

00:53:46.220 You know

00:53:46.980 And then

00:53:47.980 The girl felt bad

00:53:49.480 When I said

00:53:49.960 I'm not

00:53:50.540 Oh

00:53:51.060 And then I felt bad

00:53:52.740 Because I wasn't

00:53:54.120 Like it was her idea

00:53:55.200 No I wasn't

00:53:56.360 She was doing it

00:53:57.300 You know

00:53:57.600 Oh right

00:53:58.620 They're blowjobbing

00:53:59.560 They're blowjobbing

00:54:00.480 I'm not

00:54:01.300 I'm just standing here

00:54:02.600 She came up

00:54:03.740 Oh no

00:54:04.260 She came up

00:54:05.040 I was just trying

00:54:05.980 To get some air

00:54:06.860 No not

00:54:07.980 She came up

00:54:08.920 Like my

00:54:09.580 Yeah like

00:54:10.020 Yeah like

00:54:10.420 Like my penis

00:54:14.080 Was just wandering

00:54:14.900 Around the air

00:54:15.500 You can't

00:54:15.900 Wait a second

00:54:16.180 You can't get

00:54:17.100 You said

00:54:17.720 When was your first

00:54:18.620 Compleesh

00:54:19.320 Like you're getting

00:54:20.460 Oh man

00:54:20.960 Well so then

00:54:22.020 We got busted

00:54:22.860 And that was a bad issue

00:54:24.200 And then

00:54:25.460 Probably about

00:54:27.420 I think it was

00:54:29.240 A couple years later

00:54:30.760 Yeah

00:54:31.040 A girl gave me

00:54:32.560 A hand job

00:54:33.400 Into a

00:54:33.960 Small waterway

00:54:36.620 And

00:54:37.760 Like a stream

00:54:40.540 Everything is outdoors

00:54:41.920 For you guys

00:54:43.640 Yeah

00:54:44.760 Yeah

00:54:45.420 I think of

00:54:46.360 The people I knew

00:54:46.940 Didn't have big indoors

00:54:48.000 Yeah

00:54:48.700 So it was like

00:54:49.340 If there's not a lot

00:54:50.040 Of room indoors

00:54:50.640 You gotta

00:54:51.000 So into a small waterway

00:54:52.320 You were like

00:54:53.360 Looking over a small

00:54:54.580 Bobbling brook

00:54:55.860 No it was

00:54:57.360 It was larger than that

00:54:58.720 Okay

00:54:58.960 You could catch something

00:54:59.740 Out of it

00:55:00.060 Alright

00:55:00.280 And

00:55:01.560 So you got a hand job

00:55:02.600 Out of that

00:55:03.180 Into the stream

00:55:04.320 Into the stream

00:55:05.000 Yes he gave back

00:55:05.200 And I remember

00:55:05.680 Just being so scared

00:55:06.800 You know

00:55:07.400 Yeah

00:55:07.960 It scared me

00:55:08.680 What scared you about

00:55:09.640 Because I would never

00:55:09.840 Be able to get that

00:55:10.500 Semen back

00:55:11.220 No really

00:55:12.240 I think it was

00:55:12.540 Something about that

00:55:13.100 But hadn't you

00:55:13.520 Ejaculated before

00:55:14.480 And felt the same way

00:55:15.340 Or did you try to

00:55:16.180 Put it back in then

00:55:17.040 Like

00:55:17.300 Well my

00:55:18.460 I remember we jerked

00:55:19.400 Off one time

00:55:19.960 And my dad made us

00:55:20.760 Bury it out in the yard

00:55:21.760 No way

00:55:22.580 What

00:55:23.300 Yeah

00:55:24.220 Wait

00:55:24.700 He caught you jerking off

00:55:26.040 And he

00:55:27.100 Bury your semen

00:55:28.800 In the backyard

00:55:30.260 So you

00:55:31.260 In your hand

00:55:31.960 Not even in the back

00:55:32.800 It was in the side yard

00:55:33.760 Wait

00:55:35.040 That is

00:55:36.180 Why

00:55:37.080 Why

00:55:37.580 I don't know

00:55:39.440 He said that's God's

00:55:40.780 And that's where it goes

00:55:41.580 Oh my god

00:55:42.660 Theo

00:55:43.580 Pretty cool

00:55:44.940 That's crazy

00:55:46.040 You got something

00:55:47.140 In your pants baby

00:55:48.000 That's bugging you

00:55:48.640 That's itching

00:55:49.120 That's growing

00:55:49.760 That's probably hair

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00:55:53.800 You bushed out baby

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00:58:31.800 That's a

00:58:33.460 Thing

00:58:33.700 Like there

00:58:34.100 Are some

00:58:34.380 Guys that

00:58:34.860 Like I

00:58:35.420 Think have

00:58:35.800 An issue

00:58:36.200 With

00:58:36.620 Coming

00:58:37.140 And you

00:58:37.900 Should

00:58:38.160 Because it

00:58:38.620 Like when

00:58:39.460 You come

00:58:39.960 It fucks

00:58:41.180 With your

00:58:41.600 Limbic system

00:58:42.300 And I

00:58:42.640 Mean it

00:58:43.160 It also

00:58:44.060 Makes you

00:58:44.840 The interesting

00:58:46.660 Thing I

00:58:47.020 Found about

00:58:47.800 When I

00:58:48.860 Was I

00:58:49.520 Was like

00:58:49.780 Reading these

00:58:50.240 Books that

00:58:50.740 About like

00:58:52.100 The male

00:58:52.380 Orgasm

00:58:52.760 Female

00:58:53.100 Orgasm

00:58:53.620 And how

00:58:53.840 Much it

00:58:54.120 Fucks you

00:58:54.480 Up

00:58:54.700 And how

00:58:55.180 I you know

00:58:56.520 I just

00:58:56.840 Had so many

00:58:57.300 Experiences where

00:58:57.960 I slept

00:58:58.300 With guys

00:58:58.640 Too soon

00:58:59.120 When I

00:58:59.380 Really thought

00:58:59.880 That I

00:59:00.200 Had waited

00:59:00.460 Long enough

00:59:00.940 They really

00:59:01.380 Liked me

00:59:01.900 This was

00:59:02.320 This was

00:59:03.120 We're going

00:59:03.800 To the next

00:59:04.240 Level

00:59:04.420 This was

00:59:04.740 Actually making

00:59:05.280 Us like

00:59:05.680 We're gonna

00:59:05.900 Be boyfriend

00:59:06.240 Girlfriend

00:59:06.620 After this

00:59:06.960 I didn't

00:59:07.400 Get the

00:59:07.680 Word of it

00:59:08.160 But it

00:59:08.380 Was like

00:59:08.660 This is in

00:59:12.640 Then instantly

00:59:13.520 They would

00:59:13.860 Change and

00:59:14.460 Like some

00:59:14.820 They just

00:59:15.240 Weren't into

00:59:15.580 Me anymore

00:59:16.100 And they

00:59:16.480 That's me

00:59:16.880 Yeah and

00:59:18.080 It was about

00:59:19.200 And they would

00:59:19.640 Sometimes try to

00:59:20.340 Not come

00:59:20.980 Because they

00:59:21.800 Knew what was

00:59:22.580 Coming on the

00:59:23.020 Other side of

00:59:23.420 That there

00:59:23.700 Was nothing

00:59:24.020 I did

00:59:24.480 It was that

00:59:24.860 They came

00:59:25.720 And then I

00:59:26.100 Found out

00:59:26.440 Biologically

00:59:26.980 Because we

00:59:28.360 Used to

00:59:28.660 Like live

00:59:29.040 In tribes

00:59:29.580 And just

00:59:29.980 Have sex

00:59:30.480 With everyone

00:59:31.560 And no

00:59:32.100 One like

00:59:32.600 Not everybody

00:59:33.500 I'm sure

00:59:33.840 There was some

00:59:34.200 People in

00:59:34.480 The tribe

00:59:34.780 Yeah you

00:59:35.240 Skipped a

00:59:35.660 Couple

00:59:35.900 Yeah

00:59:36.440 Like oh

00:59:37.360 A little

00:59:37.620 Randall

00:59:38.120 Over there

00:59:38.600 Yeah let's

00:59:39.200 Leave him

00:59:39.620 That guy's

00:59:41.700 Eating chia seeds

00:59:43.840 Out of his

00:59:44.240 Belly button

00:59:44.920 I think I'm

00:59:45.740 A pass

00:59:46.740 On fucking

00:59:47.280 Hill

00:59:47.620 You know

00:59:48.500 But we

00:59:49.220 Used to

00:59:49.840 I'm sure

00:59:51.140 Within reason

00:59:52.140 You used to

00:59:52.760 Just like

00:59:53.100 Have sex

00:59:53.400 With everyone

00:59:53.700 Because you

00:59:53.960 Had to make

00:59:54.360 A lot of

00:59:54.820 Babies

00:59:55.280 For the

00:59:55.580 Fucking

00:59:55.780 Tribe

00:59:55.940 Totally

00:59:56.340 You had

00:59:56.760 To get

00:59:57.120 More goods

00:59:58.120 To be able

00:59:58.520 To survive

00:59:58.860 The winter

00:59:59.340 Yeah

00:59:59.700 Because

00:59:59.960 And babies

01:00:00.440 Don't live

01:00:00.920 So everyone

01:00:01.380 Was fucking

01:00:01.640 Everyone

01:00:01.880 So your

01:00:02.580 Body

01:00:02.880 When you

01:00:03.280 Come as

01:00:03.720 A man

01:00:04.080 Your

01:00:04.820 Subconscious

01:00:05.680 Like your

01:00:06.620 Caveman

01:00:07.340 Brain

01:00:07.560 Whatever it

01:00:08.060 Is

01:00:08.300 Is telling

01:00:08.940 You

01:00:09.240 Don't

01:00:10.340 Do not

01:00:10.880 Come with

01:00:11.440 This girl

01:00:11.800 Again

01:00:12.100 Like you

01:00:12.460 Already

01:00:12.800 Got her

01:00:13.500 If she's

01:00:14.120 Going to

01:00:14.260 Get pregnant

01:00:14.640 That's the

01:00:15.180 You've

01:00:15.940 Already

01:00:16.100 Done it

01:00:16.440 Don't

01:00:17.040 Drop a

01:00:17.400 Second load

01:00:18.020 In this

01:00:18.880 Woman

01:00:19.140 Because that

01:00:19.520 Would be

01:00:19.700 A waste

01:00:20.120 Of your

01:00:20.440 Sperm

01:00:20.940 So don't

01:00:22.220 That's why

01:00:22.740 Men afterwards

01:00:23.700 Have this

01:00:24.400 Like you

01:00:25.600 Know flight

01:00:27.060 Response

01:00:27.700 Of like get

01:00:28.520 Away because

01:00:29.180 It would be a

01:00:29.900 Waste for you

01:00:30.520 To fuck

01:00:31.160 Someone twice

01:00:31.940 Within the

01:00:32.580 Same like

01:00:33.000 Ovulation

01:00:33.600 Period

01:00:34.040 And that's

01:00:35.280 And this

01:00:35.700 Whole book

01:00:36.020 Was about

01:00:36.320 Like not

01:00:37.520 Making it

01:00:38.440 So like

01:00:38.780 If you

01:00:39.820 Want to

01:00:40.140 Keep a

01:00:40.500 Guy

01:00:40.900 Interested

01:00:41.480 In you

01:00:41.820 Just don't

01:00:42.280 Let him

01:00:42.500 Come

01:00:42.800 Wow

01:00:43.360 Ever

01:00:44.020 And they'll

01:00:44.420 Be obsessed

01:00:44.880 With you

01:00:45.220 And there

01:00:45.840 Is some

01:00:46.140 Truth to

01:00:46.480 That

01:00:46.600 I mean

01:00:46.820 Like even

01:00:47.240 I feel

01:00:48.580 That way

01:00:49.040 In

01:00:49.460 In relationships

01:00:50.660 I'm scared

01:00:51.560 Of cum now

01:00:52.040 Because I've

01:00:52.540 On the other

01:00:53.160 Side of it

01:00:53.680 When a guy

01:00:54.080 Comes

01:00:54.760 They're

01:00:55.540 Even if

01:00:56.000 They're like

01:00:56.340 My partner

01:00:57.680 At the time

01:00:58.140 There's just

01:00:58.480 A lack

01:00:59.100 Of interest

01:00:59.700 In me

01:01:00.100 That was

01:01:00.500 Like they

01:01:00.800 Were pawing

01:01:01.380 On me

01:01:01.640 Before

01:01:01.960 So into

01:01:03.020 Me

01:01:03.280 And then

01:01:03.560 Afterwards

01:01:03.920 It's

01:01:04.340 As we all

01:01:05.060 Feel

01:01:05.360 After we

01:01:06.020 Are satiated

01:01:06.860 But I

01:01:08.260 Don't like

01:01:08.680 I don't

01:01:09.060 Like that

01:01:09.420 To go

01:01:09.880 Away

01:01:10.180 Suddenly

01:01:10.560 It felt

01:01:10.920 Like oh

01:01:11.220 My god

01:01:11.460 Then that

01:01:11.680 Was fake

01:01:12.120 Or something

01:01:12.620 So sometimes

01:01:13.420 I'll be

01:01:13.680 Like please

01:01:14.220 Don't

01:01:14.560 Come

01:01:14.820 Because I

01:01:15.180 Want you

01:01:15.500 To like

01:01:15.840 Crave me

01:01:16.880 Forever

01:01:17.300 I always

01:01:18.120 Want that

01:01:18.420 To be

01:01:18.640 There

01:01:18.800 I hate

01:01:19.180 When it

01:01:19.380 Goes away

01:01:19.940 That's a

01:01:21.060 Great point

01:01:21.800 Maybe that's

01:01:22.760 Because

01:01:23.040 Because I'll

01:01:24.020 Say this

01:01:24.380 Whenever I

01:01:25.220 Would ejaculate

01:01:26.300 Into my

01:01:26.740 Hand or

01:01:27.200 Whatever

01:01:27.420 It always

01:01:28.780 Felt like

01:01:29.460 That wasn't

01:01:30.060 Supposed to

01:01:30.560 Be outside

01:01:31.260 That's one

01:01:32.020 Thing that I

01:01:32.460 Always felt

01:01:33.000 Like

01:01:33.400 Yes

01:01:33.980 It's like

01:01:34.380 This doesn't

01:01:34.900 Feel like

01:01:35.320 It's just

01:01:35.640 Supposed to

01:01:35.980 Be outside

01:01:36.760 Of me

01:01:37.480 Yeah

01:01:37.960 What

01:01:38.540 Because it's

01:01:39.080 A waste

01:01:39.640 That was

01:01:40.620 That semen

01:01:41.460 Is to like

01:01:42.060 Make a baby

01:01:42.880 And now your

01:01:43.620 Body has to

01:01:44.100 Like make more

01:01:44.860 You just like

01:01:45.480 Wasted this

01:01:46.000 Thing that

01:01:46.280 Was going

01:01:46.500 To keep

01:01:46.920 You going

01:01:48.420 Keep the

01:01:48.940 Human species

01:01:49.620 Going and

01:01:50.340 You just

01:01:50.680 Blew it

01:01:51.120 Like your

01:01:51.860 Job as a

01:01:52.460 Man is to

01:01:53.420 Make sure that

01:01:53.800 Goes into a

01:01:54.320 Vagina that

01:01:55.260 Is fertile and

01:01:56.040 You failed so

01:01:57.360 There of course

01:01:58.280 There would be

01:01:58.660 Some kind of

01:01:59.060 Like disappointment

01:01:59.720 Or shame

01:02:01.260 On the other

01:02:02.400 Side of that

01:02:02.880 Subconsciously or

01:02:03.760 Even consciously

01:02:04.560 You just blew it

01:02:06.080 Out here in the

01:02:06.720 Back of a school

01:02:07.560 Bus or behind a

01:02:08.360 Shoney's or

01:02:08.960 Something you're

01:02:09.520 Like now you're

01:02:10.860 Just riding there

01:02:11.600 On the bus next

01:02:12.340 To your seam and

01:02:13.040 You're just like

01:02:13.740 All right that's

01:02:14.620 Interesting though

01:02:15.360 Because I feel

01:02:16.500 The same way

01:02:17.220 After I have an

01:02:17.940 Orgasm but my

01:02:18.880 Thing is that I

01:02:19.840 Get sad because

01:02:21.180 It's gonna I get

01:02:23.560 Sad because I want

01:02:24.480 To feel that again

01:02:25.180 Right now and I

01:02:26.120 Have to wait now to

01:02:27.620 Build it up again and

01:02:28.420 I'm like it's almost

01:02:29.580 Like after I like to

01:02:31.600 Wait to eat until I'm

01:02:32.620 Really hungry so that

01:02:33.420 The food tastes better

01:02:34.320 Like I love to wait

01:02:35.540 I'm a pleasure

01:02:36.760 Delayer and so I

01:02:38.000 Always after I come

01:02:38.880 I'm always just

01:02:39.320 Like man the most

01:02:41.460 Fun part of that

01:02:42.080 Whole thing was up

01:02:43.460 Until it happened

01:02:44.300 Yeah when it

01:02:45.180 Happened it feels

01:02:45.880 Good but really the

01:02:47.000 Best part is the

01:02:47.840 Anticipation that's

01:02:49.200 Why I love I love

01:02:50.920 Anticipation I love

01:02:52.040 When the when I see

01:02:53.300 The waiter bringing

01:02:53.920 My food like that

01:02:54.900 Is that's a better

01:02:56.060 Feeling to me than

01:02:57.260 When I'm actually

01:02:57.860 Eating it I think

01:02:58.640 I like Christmas I

01:03:01.440 Notoriously as a

01:03:02.440 Kid I would never

01:03:02.960 Open my Christmas

01:03:03.600 Presents I would just

01:03:04.340 I would hoard them

01:03:05.580 And be like because

01:03:06.260 I didn't want

01:03:06.640 Christmas to be over

01:03:07.420 The saddest day of

01:03:08.220 The year is December

01:03:08.820 26th yeah I might

01:03:10.300 Argue the saddest day

01:03:11.000 Is December 25th the

01:03:12.720 Afternoon after

01:03:13.480 Christmas presents are

01:03:14.540 Opened because people

01:03:16.120 Are crying before that

01:03:16.880 It's like what what

01:03:17.900 Could be and now you

01:03:19.100 Know what is and it's

01:03:20.360 Fine it's Nintendo and

01:03:22.180 You're psyched and

01:03:23.260 You're playing duck

01:03:23.780 Hunt with your cousin

01:03:24.520 But before that it

01:03:26.480 Could who knows what

01:03:27.520 It could have been

01:03:28.120 Wow that's

01:03:29.900 Interesting you know

01:03:30.780 I like to think of

01:03:31.640 What if right and I

01:03:34.120 Like to know what

01:03:35.140 Fantasy yeah maybe

01:03:37.140 That's some of the

01:03:37.700 Difference was right

01:03:38.300 There between men and

01:03:38.980 You like to know

01:03:39.460 What I like to know

01:03:40.900 Exactly what's going to

01:03:41.780 Go on yeah I don't

01:03:43.020 Like there to be a lot

01:03:43.960 Of room for I think

01:03:45.500 That scares me you know

01:03:47.560 If there's like a lot

01:03:48.480 Of like what could

01:03:49.140 Happen I think that's

01:03:50.340 Just some of the

01:03:50.800 Difference between men

01:03:51.900 And women you know I

01:03:53.120 Think that's why like

01:03:54.260 You can see a male

01:03:56.220 Orgasm you know it's

01:03:57.440 Like yeah yeah in a

01:03:58.940 Women orgasm you're

01:03:59.760 Like maybe yeah we

01:04:01.660 Don't know yes but you

01:04:03.300 Know it's more like up

01:04:04.540 In the air is what I'm

01:04:05.500 Saying even if you go

01:04:06.480 To that you know yeah

01:04:07.520 This lady said

01:04:08.360 Something what you got

01:04:09.080 Here Zachary you had a

01:04:09.900 Video you wanted us to

01:04:10.660 See yeah while we're on

01:04:12.020 This topic there's a

01:04:13.160 Utah state rep it's

01:04:15.000 Getting a lot of flack

01:04:16.260 For this kind of hot

01:04:17.440 Take about semen oh

01:04:19.660 Man that I clearly

01:04:21.380 Don't trust women

01:04:22.260 Enough to make choices

01:04:23.180 To control their own

01:04:24.040 Body and my response

01:04:25.160 Is I do trust women

01:04:26.380 Enough to control when

01:04:27.900 They allow a man to

01:04:28.840 Ejaculate inside of them

01:04:30.220 And to control that

01:04:31.420 Intake of semen so that

01:04:33.200 May be inflammatory but I

01:04:35.080 Think as a legislature we

01:04:37.840 Have the responsibility to

01:04:39.180 Create a legal framework

01:04:40.320 That is friendly and

01:04:41.640 Supporting rights that I

01:04:43.460 So she's saying you can

01:04:45.600 Control how much semen

01:04:46.580 Goes in you

01:04:47.180 No you know you can't

01:04:48.880 Well because um no I

01:04:50.920 Mean like men are stronger

01:04:52.440 Than us sorry it's like

01:04:54.640 That's the bottom line like

01:04:55.960 We all of this is about if

01:04:58.220 We were as strong as you

01:04:59.140 Guys this would not be an

01:05:00.040 Issue like nothing it's

01:05:01.360 We're the weaker sex

01:05:02.320 Physically I mean some of

01:05:03.440 Us can work out hard

01:05:04.420 Enough and there's jujitsu

01:05:05.900 To use your body strength

01:05:07.100 Against yourself but like

01:05:08.460 Generally we cannot fight

01:05:10.540 You off if you decide in

01:05:12.280 The middle of sex to hold

01:05:13.560 Us down it wouldn't take

01:05:14.620 Much it doesn't take much

01:05:15.900 Even if we're so fast and

01:05:17.400 We work out every day a

01:05:18.760 Guy who doesn't work out in

01:05:19.740 A quick sprint will can

01:05:20.740 Catch us you guys are

01:05:21.780 Faster and more powerful so

01:05:23.520 No we can't control if you

01:05:24.620 Want to come in us you can

01:05:25.800 Come in us oh dang

01:05:27.500 Well thanks first of all

01:05:29.680 Second of all uh I

01:05:34.380 Didn't say may you oh

01:05:36.060 Yeah yeah that old

01:05:37.140 Bathroom trick no I'm not

01:05:38.720 Doing anything like that

01:05:39.860 Man I never I will I mean

01:05:41.880 I will not I will like to

01:05:45.340 Even go and ejaculate in

01:05:48.120 The other room you know

01:05:49.220 No that's not a bad idea

01:05:50.760 Because you don't

01:05:51.540 Associate it with the

01:05:52.480 Girl and so you might

01:05:53.780 Still have that in you to

01:05:55.240 Be like I'm gonna fuck her

01:05:56.160 And so you might still be

01:05:56.980 Interested in her that's

01:05:58.000 Like actually one of the

01:05:58.760 Tactics they talk about in

01:06:00.600 This book I read about male

01:06:01.640 Orgasms and avoiding them

01:06:02.760 Is like if he has to come

01:06:03.660 Like don't have him not

01:06:05.040 Associate it with you and

01:06:06.000 Then he'll still like you

01:06:06.920 Hmm because it's about

01:06:08.760 Like some of that I think

01:06:10.480 Makes sense you know but

01:06:12.180 Yeah I sometimes I feel so

01:06:13.440 Bad about all the you know

01:06:14.980 Just all the ejaculate or

01:06:17.280 Whatever that I left in

01:06:18.300 Different places and just

01:06:19.360 Shouldn't have left

01:06:20.020 Do you feel like it's like

01:06:21.460 A part of you you feel

01:06:22.460 Like it's like yeah sometimes

01:06:23.740 I would even drive through

01:06:24.600 My old neighborhood and

01:06:25.460 Even look at that spot

01:06:27.560 Where you buried it to see

01:06:28.540 If a tree grew grew oh I

01:06:30.240 Didn't think about that a

01:06:31.100 Tree where you could maybe

01:06:31.880 Get a blowjob behind it

01:06:32.900 Someday I'm free that's

01:06:34.500 Strong enough to hide two

01:06:36.840 Kids I mean this is all

01:06:38.180 Checking out Theo your dad

01:06:39.600 Made you bury your semen when

01:06:41.040 He caught you the first time

01:06:42.120 You got caught masturbating you

01:06:44.280 Had to take your semen and

01:06:45.220 Bury it in the yard like of

01:06:46.980 Course you have issues with

01:06:48.200 Like a like gardening

01:06:50.000 Feeling like but yeah I

01:06:53.200 Mean and it goes it spreads

01:06:55.020 From there I mean like

01:06:58.780 Everything we do is because

01:07:00.580 Of something that happened

01:07:01.380 In our childhood lesson we

01:07:03.880 Learned from our parents who

01:07:05.420 Were just like doing their

01:07:06.620 Best which wasn't really that

01:07:07.820 Great oh I saw one time it

01:07:09.520 Reminds me actually there was

01:07:11.260 This this this this

01:07:14.260 Kind of ratchet chick you

01:07:15.620 Know I was in like real

01:07:16.320 Ratchet kind of chicks for a

01:07:17.560 While huh I don't know I

01:07:19.140 Just liked it you know and

01:07:21.160 She had earrings like on

01:07:24.060 Her like on the sides of

01:07:26.060 Her wait on her labia yeah

01:07:28.260 Like whoops yeah wow okay

01:07:31.500 It was never heard of that

01:07:33.340 I'd never I didn't know it

01:07:34.860 Could even exist like clit

01:07:36.440 Piercings which seems really

01:07:38.180 Painful but yeah that makes

01:07:39.080 Sense just yeah labia like she

01:07:40.880 Oh this lady was really she

01:07:42.360 Was pretty ratchet she had

01:07:43.560 Earrings on her pussy yeah yeah

01:07:45.500 And it was like definitely

01:07:47.080 Like you could see it like

01:07:48.640 Eating popcorn at a ball game

01:07:50.080 Like front row at an NBA

01:07:51.240 Game you know what I'm

01:07:52.520 Saying like no I don't know

01:07:53.940 What you're saying but like it

01:07:56.760 Was definitely I mean it looked

01:07:59.320 Like it is like I don't know

01:08:01.740 Are you do you do you I've

01:08:03.540 Talked a lot about this before

01:08:04.460 And I'm and I am always

01:08:05.940 Curious I don't care anymore

01:08:07.920 About I used to be very

01:08:08.900 Paranoid about like what if

01:08:10.780 The guy thinks my vagina is

01:08:11.960 Ugly like if it's not like

01:08:13.620 Perfectly like tight and just

01:08:15.440 Like a little line like do

01:08:16.700 You care about that stuff when

01:08:18.060 You are there certain vaginas

01:08:19.500 That you're just like yeah

01:08:20.420 Like or is it just like I'm

01:08:22.460 Horny this is fine whatever like

01:08:24.120 Because yeah I just want to I

01:08:27.660 Feel like men men and women

01:08:29.500 Have so much insecurity about

01:08:30.680 Our genitals you guys more so

01:08:32.260 Size us is us is also size but

01:08:34.740 It's like if it's we just don't

01:08:37.460 Know what other women are the are

01:08:39.260 Have down there and so we we are

01:08:42.220 Scared ours is just grotesque

01:08:44.540 Compared to it or at least I'm

01:08:45.720 Speaking for myself the only one

01:08:47.800 That I you know I've the only

01:08:48.840 Time I've really had some bad

01:08:50.060 Experience with some vagina was um

01:08:52.300 If you know if it really has if it

01:08:55.620 If somebody has an ill vagina yeah

01:08:57.460 Or a sick vagina or like

01:08:59.080 Somebody's but you know has a you

01:09:01.560 Know if there is that that's a

01:09:03.420 Tough thing you know yeah and I

01:09:05.000 Think it can even be the same for

01:09:06.300 Men if some men's wieners stink you

01:09:08.440 Know it's like gingivitis like they

01:09:10.000 Don't even know it's like a

01:09:10.880 Chronic thing it's a bacterial

01:09:12.240 Thing that's it yes and I'll even

01:09:14.060 Send a friendly text sometimes

01:09:15.360 Like hey this isn't to be rude or

01:09:16.680 Anything yeah I love hanging out

01:09:18.500 With you but you know but this I

01:09:21.740 Mean that the tough thing was that

01:09:22.720 One yeah the girl with that little

01:09:24.080 You know just that damn yeah you

01:09:27.640 Know the little drummer girl or

01:09:29.860 Whatever yeah yeah yeah when she

01:09:33.940 Broke out that little barumpa bum bum

01:09:36.000 Dude that little drummer girl that

01:09:38.860 Shit that was that was too hectic man

01:09:40.720 I wanted to literally you know I

01:09:43.400 Don't know a lot of this stuff's

01:09:44.380 Interesting man how's your vagina

01:09:46.100 Doing how are you doing are you a lot

01:09:48.060 Are you dating are you yeah I have a

01:09:49.400 Boyfriend oh good yeah I'm back a guy

01:09:51.980 Dated for like man we were together

01:09:55.540 Three years off and on and then we

01:09:57.940 Took a five-year break and then we've

01:09:59.180 Been dated we dated for like about a

01:10:01.300 Nine months and then we made it

01:10:03.380 Official I think like four months ago

01:10:05.220 But like we went to we went to

01:10:07.840 Couples therapy before we were even a

01:10:09.160 Couple because I was like I just

01:10:10.020 Don't want to do this again because

01:10:10.960 We always just break up and get

01:10:12.020 Together it's at the point where our

01:10:13.040 Families are just like not taking us

01:10:14.400 Seriously and so we're we're we're

01:10:17.360 Doing it you're like guns and roses

01:10:19.420 Almost yeah I don't like just like

01:10:21.920 Rumors you were getting back together

01:10:23.440 Never happened yes an appetite for

01:10:26.060 Destruction you know yeah what about

01:10:29.420 You what's going on I'm actually

01:10:33.680 Taking a little bit I'm not I'm not

01:10:35.240 Dating trying not to date for 30

01:10:36.620 Days oh that's nice no no not do any

01:10:39.560 Dating for 30 days are you on apps and

01:10:41.760 Stuff like that how are you dating

01:10:44.060 Before DM slides after shows meeting

01:10:48.600 Some women occasionally women in real

01:10:51.020 Time you know yeah but I think it's

01:10:55.840 Just I think I've had this kind of

01:10:58.760 Like I didn't realize that I've had

01:11:01.220 This kind of software kind of running

01:11:03.300 Like I need to have some interaction

01:11:06.320 With a woman right like it whether it

01:11:09.280 Be a tech text exchange or a porno or

01:11:11.860 Watching a pornography or watching a

01:11:14.380 Um even a drawing of pussy anything like

01:11:18.360 That any I need to have some

01:11:19.440 Interaction of woman you know yeah buying

01:11:21.660 A wig or something looking at it you

01:11:23.440 Know different kind of stuff where you

01:11:24.720 Could be like you know I need to have

01:11:26.940 Some interaction of woman that where

01:11:29.000 It's like the possibility of a

01:11:31.260 Connection of intimacy whether it be

01:11:33.600 Just just a female interaction yeah like

01:11:36.540 What could be something yeah yeah because

01:11:38.500 I'll notice like I like I sit at home

01:11:41.340 No drinking and stuff like that you know

01:11:43.000 So I've been I think I have almost like

01:11:46.280 90 days sober right now so rats thanks

01:11:48.820 Pretty cool damn and I I'm realizing and

01:11:51.480 I'm not saying I'm not that I'm not

01:11:53.440 Going to stay in this program but I

01:11:55.120 Realized when I sit there or I realize

01:11:58.040 Also when I just sit there a lot of

01:12:00.860 Alcoholics they think I need a drink I

01:12:02.600 Need I want something to drink I

01:12:04.500 Realized for me I want to interact with

01:12:07.940 A female just to know that a female

01:12:12.220 Will interact yes yes that's it I it

01:12:15.320 Doesn't have to be about sex it doesn't

01:12:17.300 Even but I need there's that's my drink

01:12:19.760 Yeah oh yeah so it's like I

01:12:22.380 Realize oh that's my drink that's my

01:12:25.820 Alcohol is that is some sort of

01:12:27.700 Validation or acceptance from a woman

01:12:32.140 Setting up a date saying hey I'll you

01:12:35.500 Know are calling a girl that I care

01:12:37.480 About even you know just any of the it

01:12:39.360 Could be anything on the spectrum but

01:12:41.340 Not a not a platonic it's like

01:12:43.220 Romantic interest yeah romantic but even

01:12:45.620 Sometimes platonic can be part of it

01:12:47.160 Because it'll like it depends on what

01:12:49.060 Need I have at that moment if I have a

01:12:51.320 Need where it's like a sexual need then

01:12:55.220 I'll just do a date with a girl who wants

01:12:57.700 Who's looking for to do sex if or I'll

01:13:00.920 Do pornography if it's I just want to

01:13:04.240 Flirt then I'll just flirt if it's that

01:13:06.800 I want to talk to someone I care about or

01:13:08.720 Who cares about me I'll do that but it's

01:13:11.040 Like I notice I kind of and a lot of it's

01:13:13.980 Normal behavior yeah but it's not

01:13:16.220 Normal when it's like um the second I

01:13:20.260 Start to feel a little bit of uncomfort

01:13:22.180 That's the thing that I do to solve it

01:13:25.000 Every time the second something will like

01:13:29.040 But you know before when I was single

01:13:30.940 Like the second one would drop off

01:13:33.120 Instantly need to replace it with

01:13:34.640 Another oh this guy's not writing me

01:13:36.420 Back find another one make sure you're

01:13:38.440 Still fucking will make sure you're

01:13:39.660 Still

01:13:39.860 Validated honestly like that someone

01:13:42.820 Wants to stick their dick in you even

01:13:44.880 Though like I could post a picture and

01:13:46.680 Someone would write some disgusting

01:13:48.320 Thing that would make me feel that way

01:13:50.060 But you want it to be someone who you

01:13:51.960 Would maybe entertain the idea of doing

01:13:54.020 That but it's I know that itch where

01:13:56.920 You just just sometimes um just going

01:14:00.020 On the apps and matching with someone

01:14:01.200 You get that hit of dopamine of just

01:14:03.580 Like a connection just seeing the

01:14:04.960 Connection I don't even need to talk

01:14:06.080 To them like okay that guy would that

01:14:07.480 Guy would and I'm a fuck I'm

01:14:09.040 Just terrified of having sex with

01:14:10.860 People and meeting up with people I

01:14:12.640 Oh I'd fuck you man a lot of people

01:14:14.440 Would fuck you you know that right but

01:14:16.700 And but for some reason I need I don't

01:14:20.560 Know but I still crave that I mean and

01:14:23.080 Yeah also you you start to age and

01:14:26.080 You go oh I feel it slipping away it's

01:14:28.000 Not it's not as um it's not as a

01:14:32.740 Parent anymore and then you start to

01:14:34.460 Feel it go away and then you're like

01:14:35.380 Well I'm eventually gonna get old

01:14:36.680 Enough where I hope I really hope no

01:14:38.980 One wants to fuck me I don't want to

01:14:40.280 Be 90 and having people like that'd be

01:14:43.060 Your last special for me you know what

01:14:45.160 I mean like that you're vulnerable

01:14:46.220 You're 90 it reverses you know you

01:14:49.160 Don't want anyone being sexual like I

01:14:51.060 Don't want me sexualized when I'm 90 it's

01:14:52.360 Like you're a baby again that's why we

01:14:53.800 Don't I don't want anyone to want to

01:14:55.660 Fuck me because I can't fight you off I'm

01:14:57.180 Like a fragile old woman so you want to

01:14:58.820 Be like not sexual but that's scary to me

01:15:01.080 Is like I'm a dying battery of hotness

01:15:03.360 Everyone is a dying battery of

01:15:04.880 Fuckability and like you can plug

01:15:06.720 Yourself into little like portable

01:15:08.420 Chargers right here and there but

01:15:10.600 Those are gonna die too and you're

01:15:12.100 Gonna you're eventually gonna have to

01:15:13.620 Age that's scary to me oh that's been

01:15:16.100 A very scary thing for me even in the

01:15:17.600 Past few years just getting older and

01:15:19.880 Feeling like um oh yeah first of all

01:15:22.560 Like I have to be an adult too I got to

01:15:25.400 Do adult stuff you know taxes and stamps

01:15:28.560 Yeah and looking people in the eye

01:15:31.240 When you talk to them oh god yeah

01:15:33.000 Is that hard for you I think I think

01:15:35.400 All of that kind all that kind of

01:15:36.900 Stuff has always been a little tough

01:15:37.840 For me you know but um yeah I have the

01:15:40.660 New thing of like on an airplane I

01:15:41.960 Really like to like curl up in a ball

01:15:43.880 Like on the window and I put my foot

01:15:45.620 Up on the thing and I don't I make

01:15:46.920 Sure not to disturb anyone and I put a

01:15:48.540 Sleep mask on and I have like a you

01:15:50.820 Know jacket over my head and I'm just

01:15:52.420 Like I'm 38 like this is not oh this

01:15:55.760 Is not that's an that's a child's

01:15:57.880 Thing to do right this is not okay

01:15:59.920 Like where I still want to behave

01:16:02.140 Like a little like a child like the

01:16:03.440 Eye contact thing like sometimes I

01:16:05.620 Just don't want to make eye contact

01:16:06.680 With people and and I go that's a

01:16:09.480 Thing I did when I was 12 when I was

01:16:10.880 Scared to look an adult in the eye like

01:16:12.440 Why am I still doing this yeah yeah I

01:16:14.700 Think it's all of those ghosts of

01:16:16.000 Being a child you know that's all we

01:16:18.300 All become is just the haunted house

01:16:19.940 For ghosts of of our youth oh yeah I'm

01:16:23.520 Fucking so stuck at 15 are you that's

01:16:27.780 Like every time I talk to my

01:16:29.060 Therapist about like my fears about

01:16:30.680 You said I just have fears of like

01:16:32.800 Boys being mean to me and being like

01:16:34.800 If I reject a guy they'll be like

01:16:36.380 Well I didn't even want to fuck you

01:16:37.200 Anyway you're old and disgusting like

01:16:38.520 They'll say the meanest thing back

01:16:39.900 Yeah which we know guys that do that

01:16:41.500 Like the season of f-boy island that's

01:16:44.220 My biggest fear for these girls that

01:16:45.520 Like these three girls sign up for the

01:16:46.780 Show and then on and what is on their

01:16:48.180 Kids fucking each other by the beach

01:16:49.920 Yeah man that's like it's it's 13

01:16:53.960 F-boys real sexy and 13 nice guys so

01:16:56.960 13 guys that are like looking for

01:16:58.600 Love and 13 guys that are like they're

01:17:01.060 Just to like get the money because if

01:17:02.780 You get chosen then you get money you

01:17:04.080 Also get the girl but then if you're an

01:17:06.220 F-boy and and so you're there to like

01:17:09.180 Trick girls but the girls don't know who

01:17:10.460 Is who but my biggest fear was like these

01:17:12.860 Girls are gonna eliminate an F-boy who's

01:17:14.400 Been pretending to be nice the whole time

01:17:15.900 And then when they do the guy's gonna

01:17:17.520 Be like I didn't think any of you were

01:17:18.860 Hot anyway fuck this I can go get you're

01:17:20.800 All fucking sixes and that was my

01:17:22.760 Biggest fear and these girls are just

01:17:24.320 So hot that they they're just like and

01:17:26.920 They have confidence like and they're

01:17:28.240 10 years younger than me so I just I

01:17:30.060 Just assume anyone 10 years younger me

01:17:31.600 That has less confidence than me I've

01:17:33.400 Like worked hard to have the amount of

01:17:35.900 Confidence I have which isn't much but

01:17:37.600 They don't care at all these guys are

01:17:39.000 So they will say the meanest shit and

01:17:40.900 They still like them and no they still

01:17:42.620 They're just like bye whereas I would

01:17:44.500 Be like he just said the thing that

01:17:47.140 I've always thought about myself like

01:17:48.240 That's why I will not read YouTube

01:17:49.420 Comments on this video I will not I

01:17:52.140 Only read Instagram comments on my own

01:17:53.700 Stuff because it tends to be nicer but

01:17:55.280 I don't read Twitter anymore I don't

01:17:56.660 Read YouTube comments because I'm so

01:17:58.420 Scared a man is gonna call me old like

01:18:01.440 That's my new fear it that's only in

01:18:03.380 The past like five years that happens

01:18:05.620 To everybody though it happens yes oh

01:18:07.300 Yeah but how do you feel when someone

01:18:09.140 Called you out for the thing that like

01:18:10.580 You think maybe no one's noticed yet

01:18:12.500 Looks wise does it bother you yeah I

01:18:14.240 I mean it has to but does it does it

01:18:17.440 Like land you in a like I get super

01:18:20.240 Depressed yeah I think it kind of hurts

01:18:22.200 My feelings I think or it like enforces

01:18:25.780 Fears that I have probably yeah um I

01:18:30.420 Don't know I mean the things that I get

01:18:32.500 Probably most uncomfortable about probably

01:18:34.780 My hair you know that's crazy because it's

01:18:38.120 So good I feel that interesting yeah I

01:18:41.240 Think is so I get you have a hairline

01:18:43.740 Every man I know all they talk about is

01:18:46.240 Hair put into you did yeah wait it

01:18:48.980 Hasn't gone in yet oh well it's just

01:18:50.600 Your own hair from the back yeah oh my

01:18:52.480 God it's so good and it hasn't grown in

01:18:54.880 No I mean you you're I know maybe you

01:18:58.280 Put work into it but it's it's paid off

01:18:59.840 It looks good oh thanks yeah yeah so I

01:19:01.840 Think things like that I get nervous about

01:19:03.900 I guess I mean I think being funny I

01:19:07.320 Think the tough thing for me is like I

01:19:10.540 Went through like some pretty severe

01:19:11.500 Burnout a few years ago and I kept

01:19:13.480 Working and I didn't know that I was

01:19:16.120 Supposed to stop and my career was just

01:19:18.040 Kind of getting good and I'd worked so

01:19:20.240 Hard and I didn't know what to do and I

01:19:24.100 Didn't really have um you know you talk

01:19:28.360 To people and they're like you got to

01:19:29.600 Strike all the irons all this kind of

01:19:31.300 Stuff you know yeah and uh and I'd always

01:19:34.600 Had a good work ethic and so it was just

01:19:37.240 Like oh you just keep working you know

01:19:39.480 Saying no to stuff is so hard it was

01:19:42.140 Hard and I loved you gave me when we

01:19:45.460 Talked to each other about doing this I

01:19:47.900 Loved I mean we don't have to talk but

01:19:50.100 You saying like hey just let me know if

01:19:51.700 You're doing other podcasts so I can time

01:19:53.000 It and I was like oh yes I don't have to

01:19:55.560 Do any pot like I'm doing the podcast I

01:19:57.620 Don't have to accept any other podcast

01:19:58.980 Because I'm doing the podcast it's a

01:20:00.700 Reason to like you gave me a reason to

01:20:03.260 Not have to do because if I come to town

01:20:05.160 I'll just say yes to fucking everything

01:20:06.500 Because I got to just strike my thought

01:20:07.920 I'm only here for a couple days I love

01:20:10.380 You gave you essentially tied me up and

01:20:13.120 I was like oh I guess I can't give you

01:20:14.780 A hand job I'm tied up like it's it's

01:20:17.240 Just such a tree's not wide enough I

01:20:19.340 Need boundaries yes yeah we need

01:20:21.780 Boundaries so yeah how do you say no to

01:20:23.700 Things now well I it's sometimes it's

01:20:25.660 Tough you know a friend is asking to be

01:20:27.400 In his movie next month and I'm

01:20:28.820 Thinking about it but then I just got

01:20:31.240 Off you know I've been touring for like

01:20:32.740 16 years and I just finally stopped

01:20:34.700 Don't you love when people are like

01:20:35.700 So what's this tour when how long is

01:20:38.200 This tour going and you go the rest of

01:20:39.660 My life I just name it a different

01:20:41.700 Thing every year but it never stops maybe

01:20:44.000 I'll take a week off to go film

01:20:45.360 Something but we don't stop so you

01:20:48.300 Took well I just finally I you know I

01:20:51.260 Just said I don't I don't want to keep

01:20:53.200 Adding dates you know I had a huge date

01:20:55.360 In Vegas they were it was the most I

01:20:57.860 Was ever gonna get paid for a show and I

01:21:00.200 Said I just I'm not doing it I said I

01:21:03.200 Just I can't keep go because here's the

01:21:08.120 Thing if I'm not feeling great when I

01:21:10.240 Keep putting myself out there it's the

01:21:12.280 Same reason why on well then I catch on

01:21:14.980 It's like it's like I'm just using my

01:21:17.660 It's like yeah you're like raping

01:21:19.820 Yourself kind of like my my wellness

01:21:22.020 It's like yeah you know God gave me

01:21:23.580 These gifts to be able to feel

01:21:24.980 Comfortable and be humorous and like

01:21:26.780 Instead it's like you know it's like

01:21:29.540 Whenever you got to the bottom a bowl

01:21:30.660 Of a weed and some kid would keep

01:21:31.980 Smoking just like the dirty glass at

01:21:34.040 The bottom like Ernie quit yeah fucking

01:21:37.000 Hitting this shit dog that shit been

01:21:39.380 Empty for a month dog get a job dog I

01:21:42.260 Mean I have to I do that with weed when

01:21:43.660 I get like every six months when I have

01:21:45.120 To quit yeah when I find myself like

01:21:46.800 Smoking resin and that's what I was

01:21:48.700 Doing I was just smoking just the

01:21:50.420 Fucking resin myself yes yeah I do

01:21:52.920 That all the time too with stand-up and

01:21:54.520 Then you're you're bad because you're

01:21:56.900 Tired on stage oh you resent that you

01:21:59.400 Have to do it you're all you're

01:22:01.440 Thinking about is when you don't have

01:22:03.040 To do this anymore and what you're

01:22:04.140 Going to do afterwards and and then

01:22:07.340 You're the audience some they know

01:22:09.320 They know that and then yeah maybe

01:22:10.760 You might make the most money you've

01:22:12.040 Ever made on that one gig but they

01:22:13.940 Won't come see you again because they

01:22:15.260 Go I just paid so much and this was

01:22:17.300 Not not that great yeah and so I'm

01:22:19.560 Trying to like I'm just trying to make

01:22:21.180 Gigs fun because I know that if I went

01:22:22.720 To go see my like Taylor Swift if I if

01:22:26.020 I had in the back of my head that she

01:22:27.260 Didn't want to be there at all even

01:22:28.880 One percent was like not feeling it I

01:22:30.980 Wouldn't want to go I want my

01:22:32.640 Performers to like have fun that's why I

01:22:34.180 Do not go I don't like going to see

01:22:36.420 Plays because I feel like I would be so

01:22:39.400 Bored doing the same thing over and

01:22:40.680 Over that I can't imagine they're

01:22:42.540 Having fun like on maybe on opening

01:22:44.960 Night but like on like a long like

01:22:47.040 Broadway when they're doing months and

01:22:48.540 Months I'm like they can't change it

01:22:50.220 Up at least for stand-ups or for like

01:22:52.460 Musicians they can change up the set but

01:22:54.340 A play I'm just like oh god I I project

01:22:57.460 That and now I know from talking to

01:22:59.000 Actors that they're like no I like

01:23:00.160 Doing the same thing every night and it

01:23:01.300 Does change for me but for some reason

01:23:03.020 I project like oh every night the same

01:23:05.580 Thing yeah totally autopilot well well yeah

01:23:08.920 I can't enjoy it well I think and

01:23:11.320 Also uh it's a reason why you know I

01:23:14.200 Do this other podcast king and the

01:23:15.360 Sting and it's one of the reasons I

01:23:16.800 Have to take breaks from that it's why

01:23:18.000 I started having guests on here more

01:23:19.860 Instead of just doing solo because I

01:23:21.760 Was just getting burnout I didn't want

01:23:23.340 To put my not best self out there and

01:23:26.240 Then also I want to be able to have

01:23:27.920 The energy for the shows that's the

01:23:29.460 Part I like the best getting to meet

01:23:30.700 People after so it's like you know it's

01:23:33.680 Just like I had to monitor like it's

01:23:36.620 Just been tough and I didn't realize I

01:23:38.340 Thought like oh you just keep going

01:23:39.620 People want to see you I was a people

01:23:41.320 Pleaser like I wanted it's the same as

01:23:43.720 Like being at the lunch table when

01:23:44.820 You're a kid and you like get your

01:23:45.840 Buddies to laugh you're like oh I just

01:23:47.560 Want that you know this just keeps

01:23:49.780 Getting bigger well this is all we ever

01:23:51.320 Wanted and now people like actually like

01:23:53.240 Us and want to come see like how could

01:23:54.540 You say no to that and also the meet

01:23:56.940 And greets like I love meeting fans and

01:23:59.300 At this point it's like when you do

01:24:00.960 Meet and greets it's not just like

01:24:02.060 Random people that just came to the

01:24:03.860 Club to see you like they're actually

01:24:05.360 People that like you and like have

01:24:06.760 Good boundaries like I like my fans

01:24:08.560 Now but sometimes I'm like you got to

01:24:10.900 Understand I can't do it I want to meet

01:24:12.460 You guys but it's just it's too

01:24:14.120 Exhausting and you I wouldn't want to

01:24:16.780 Meet someone who didn't have the

01:24:18.620 Energy I would never want to put out

01:24:20.400 Someone that I was a fan of if they

01:24:22.160 Didn't want to do it right like I and

01:24:24.660 It makes me mad we were like you

01:24:26.120 Canceled the meet and greet I'm like do

01:24:28.360 You want to meet me when I'm tired and

01:24:30.040 I don't want to meet you is that don't

01:24:32.120 You wish I would cancel that I'll

01:24:33.720 Give you your money back and I'll

01:24:35.080 Love to meet you another time but

01:24:36.260 Why would you want me to do

01:24:37.520 Something I don't want to do yeah

01:24:39.120 But it's hard because I do want to

01:24:41.420 Do it sometimes I'm just like God

01:24:42.440 Can I just go to a town and do

01:24:43.360 Meet and greets yeah there's a show

01:24:44.980 And a meet and greet is and then do

01:24:46.660 A two-show night that's four shows I

01:24:48.900 Know it's a lot of energy well that's

01:24:50.980 A weird thing it just becomes well

01:24:52.320 It just it's a lot of like putting

01:24:53.520 Yourself out there you know there's

01:24:56.340 And it even goes back to what we're

01:24:57.740 Talking about in the beginning it's

01:24:58.640 Like yeah how much of me I got yeah I

01:25:04.360 Just kept putting myself out there

01:25:06.140 Until it wasn't even about whatever I

01:25:09.280 Had I know I quit feeling like myself

01:25:11.440 A couple years ago I'm just starting

01:25:13.260 To get moments where I feel like

01:25:14.460 Myself again good but um yeah it's you

01:25:17.640 It's just fear you know a lot of fear

01:25:19.300 And you don't want to let people down

01:25:21.140 That's another thing being a

01:25:22.620 Disappointment and being and being

01:25:24.740 Forgotten you think oh if I don't

01:25:26.620 Take this show you know your agents

01:25:30.700 Will be let down and then the people

01:25:33.260 Will be let down and you might be

01:25:34.460 Forgotten and someone else is gonna be

01:25:36.620 Doing stand-up that night and they're

01:25:38.180 Gonna get this much better than you

01:25:39.580 Because they had a one more gym

01:25:41.020 Session because it's like going to the

01:25:42.380 Doing stand-up is like going to the

01:25:43.380 Gym so not doing sets every fucking

01:25:45.160 Night which is why I moved to St.

01:25:46.780 Louis because it's not like a comedy

01:25:49.060 Town so I'm not like there's not

01:25:50.880 Places I'm dying there's not great

01:25:52.380 Place there's clubs there but it's a

01:25:53.960 Little bit of a far drive I moved

01:25:55.420 There to get away from the pressure

01:25:57.040 Of doing stand-up every fucking night

01:25:58.280 Because I come here I'm here for

01:25:59.660 Five days and I have like five sets

01:26:01.340 Every night because I can't turn them

01:26:02.480 Down because you know I don't I

01:26:06.960 Because it's a gym session because

01:26:08.580 It's a like I'm gonna get better and

01:26:10.960 I can't stand passing up an

01:26:12.320 Opportunity to get better and to be

01:26:14.080 Loved by strangers yeah I feel you

01:26:19.600 Man it's that quiet hole you know yeah

01:26:22.340 And then feeling like oh well they

01:26:23.760 Don't really know me even though I'm

01:26:25.040 So honest I mean you're so honest to

01:26:27.000 Like the fact that you can even say

01:26:28.160 Like oh I've gotten an escort this

01:26:29.500 Many times it's been like that kind of

01:26:31.300 Stuff people don't talk about and they

01:26:32.600 Rely on us to talk about it so that

01:26:35.080 They can go oh maybe I'm not a bad

01:26:36.940 Person because I've gotten an escort

01:26:37.960 Okay Theo has to like that shit is

01:26:40.160 Important for us to share but there's

01:26:41.760 Sometimes where I'm like man pull it

01:26:43.700 Back a little bit no one people don't

01:26:46.560 Need to know this and you have to I

01:26:48.920 There are very few things that I keep

01:26:51.120 Private but I have a couple now but

01:26:52.640 Before I was just like I'll say

01:26:54.980 Anything and I don't even know if

01:26:56.020 Those things that I've deemed like

01:26:57.380 Private if there's not a time where I'd

01:26:58.900 Be like this is just too good not to

01:27:00.480 Share yeah this podcast isn't going

01:27:02.320 Well let me just toss this one out this

01:27:04.540 Gem oh yeah you know like I had a

01:27:07.860 Hooker one time an escort you know or a

01:27:10.120 Bit you know I think I don't know we

01:27:11.860 Should bring that back I like she

01:27:12.980 Might have had an S S corp actually too I

01:27:15.260 Have no idea what her business abilities

01:27:18.540 Were but she um came over and just

01:27:22.200 Made me ended up making like a carrot

01:27:23.800 Soup at my house oh yum that's naked

01:27:28.020 Uh she was in um I wasn't attracted to

01:27:32.840 When she got there and I was doing

01:27:34.680 Drugs and everything I remember I had on

01:27:36.680 Fucking like this headdress kind of

01:27:39.680 Thing somebody had met like this I'd

01:27:41.140 Been to this tribal I did a casino show

01:27:43.420 And they made me a headdress yeah so I

01:27:45.500 Had that bitch on dude I was geeked up

01:27:47.580 Out of my brain bro you know I'm

01:27:49.040 Saying I was so she made a carrot soup

01:27:50.780 She just saw a cuisinart and some

01:27:52.980 Carrots and yeah and she's like you

01:27:55.280 She wanted to take care of you she's

01:27:56.720 Like yeah you got an hour you don't

01:27:58.320 Seem like you're doing well I was like

01:28:00.100 How can you tell indoor Native

01:28:01.380 America

01:28:01.860 Giving you that clue over here

01:28:06.640 Was that the one good experience the

01:28:09.380 One nice one what's giving you that

01:28:11.480 Clue the headdress and the bloody nose

01:28:13.360 Jesus Christ Theo I'm so glad you're

01:28:15.920 90 days and she made the uh but none

01:28:19.220 Of that was even those are just kind of

01:28:20.720 Some of those times are kind of fun

01:28:22.100 Times yeah you know I mean they're

01:28:23.320 Great stories thank God for all that

01:28:25.020 Yeah that's true and now somebody

01:28:27.420 Ruin the cocaine you can't even do it

01:28:29.340 Oh no you can't that is a man I

01:28:32.780 Never got into cocaine but that that's

01:28:34.820 Gotta suck if some you know I'm into

01:28:37.400 Weed I'm into like oh I'm sure there's

01:28:40.140 Party that still wants to fucking

01:28:41.560 Risk it because that's another thing

01:28:43.240 About it it's like oh you don't think

01:28:45.520 I'm willing to fucking risk it all yeah

01:28:47.780 I mean fentanyl is basically you know

01:28:49.700 It's really the uh it's the Alex

01:28:52.480 Trebek of fucking dope you know it's

01:28:55.800 Like how it's like you know it's like

01:28:57.660 Saying this is the fight do you want to

01:28:59.360 Put it all on the line how are you know

01:29:00.800 It's a Pat Sajak of drugs or whatever

01:29:03.160 It's like are you willing to risk it all

01:29:04.580 You know it's suicidal it's it's like

01:29:07.120 It's another way to look at it yeah it

01:29:09.340 I mean I know what you're saying man

01:29:10.900 Like I I have a game show with the

01:29:13.320 Lord well listen like sometimes I like

01:29:15.280 I have a compulsion to cut myself like

01:29:16.840 I only did it once in my life but

01:29:18.600 There's sometimes that I just feel

01:29:20.800 Certain way and I just really want to

01:29:22.320 Cut myself and I don't do it because

01:29:23.920 I know that I'll have to live with the

01:29:26.220 Consequence that's not something that I

01:29:27.600 Can like erase there'll be a scar there'll

01:29:30.520 Be something there's I never understand

01:29:32.640 That with women I don't know what I

01:29:34.420 Don't know what it is either it's for me

01:29:36.440 I've the only time I cut myself was

01:29:37.860 When I got caught shoplifting and I

01:29:39.180 Didn't get in trouble for it they let

01:29:40.540 Me go and no one knew about it and I

01:29:42.780 Had to I had to punish myself I don't

01:29:45.440 Know what it was but I'd never had the

01:29:47.120 Compulsion I didn't understand cutting I

01:29:48.720 Remember Lucy did it on seventh heaven

01:29:50.440 And I was like what is this and for

01:29:52.560 Some reason it was just exactly what I

01:29:54.840 Needed and I just went to it without

01:29:56.240 Even thinking and I did it yeah and and

01:29:59.920 Man I mean I have so so many people

01:30:02.280 Cut themselves it's very common thing

01:30:04.120 And it's a I I feel the desire often

01:30:07.000 Instead now I just google people who

01:30:10.460 Cut themselves to hear about their

01:30:11.880 Stories and read about it because not

01:30:14.120 So I can like watch it happening and

01:30:16.320 Feel like oh I'm doing it it just I

01:30:18.100 Think that it just helps to see people

01:30:19.860 That feel as sad and fucked up as you

01:30:22.060 Do and and just know you're not that

01:30:23.960 Weird and so sometimes that like it's

01:30:25.580 Soothing to me to just like watch

01:30:26.980 Videos not of people doing it but of

01:30:29.180 People talking about it same with

01:30:30.740 Suicide I mean I think that's the same

01:30:32.100 Thing of like I like I see in your

01:30:35.180 Eyes when you're like sometimes I just

01:30:36.380 Want to fucking risk it like so what

01:30:38.520 Like I feel the same way about

01:30:39.720 Suicide for me it's like I think about

01:30:41.220 It a lot it's my go-to response when

01:30:43.940 I'm feeling sad about myself or about

01:30:45.540 The world like I get I just think

01:30:47.460 About killing myself and it's like

01:30:48.460 Literally soothing like I will just go

01:30:50.660 To bed and just like smile thinking

01:30:52.920 About the option and I'm not gonna do

01:30:54.820 It I know like I've made a pact with

01:30:57.340 Myself as much as you can never gonna

01:30:59.320 Do it no matter how much I want to

01:31:00.540 Man that like just that doesn't

01:31:03.500 Sound safe though Nikki no I know

01:31:05.480 That's why I talk about it because

01:31:06.720 If I don't talk about it that's when

01:31:09.060 It can get out of control but I feel

01:31:10.840 Like if I'm honest about it I've

01:31:13.200 Never attempted it I've never planned

01:31:15.060 Anything I've never written a note like

01:31:16.960 I've honestly have you written a note

01:31:18.560 Or not no no I mean the first step

01:31:21.200 Would be cleaning my apartment and

01:31:22.440 Like getting my affairs in order so

01:31:23.700 That my parents wouldn't have to like

01:31:24.780 Deal with that stuff and even that is

01:31:26.500 Like that's really I mean I used to

01:31:28.300 Have a joke about it but honestly a

01:31:29.600 Lot of times my apartment's so messy

01:31:31.100 The idea of even like my mom would

01:31:33.200 Have to deal with my death and have

01:31:34.420 To like clean my apartment and like

01:31:37.640 The EMTs would arrive and see like

01:31:39.340 Look at this Jesus Christ she lived

01:31:41.040 Like a fucking hoarder like that

01:31:42.760 Judgment on the other side of my

01:31:44.720 Death I would need to I would already

01:31:46.940 Be in a I couldn't do it if I'm

01:31:48.780 Killing myself I'm killing myself in

01:31:50.100 A cash yeah I want to make it like

01:31:51.280 As easy right people but that's not

01:31:53.320 Possible and it's never gonna be easy

01:31:54.740 And I will literally never it's no

01:31:58.080 It's not possible to make it easy

01:31:59.080 Because you will always leave behind

01:32:00.440 People that it's it's not

01:32:01.860 Emotionally easy oh yeah yeah yeah

01:32:04.240 It's never gonna be no matter how

01:32:05.900 Much you think people are gonna be

01:32:06.800 Better off without you take it easy

01:32:08.700 Bub you know sorry or whatever yes no

01:32:11.240 They're not gonna be like all right

01:32:12.840 I'm gonna take it easy since he's

01:32:14.120 Dead but so many people think like

01:32:15.580 They'll be better off without me you

01:32:17.200 Know like that's the thing and like

01:32:18.560 Committing suicide is a disease it's

01:32:20.640 The end of a disease it's like you

01:32:22.360 Know stage full it's like it's a

01:32:25.360 Terminal illness so no one like I

01:32:27.080 Don't ever blame anyone who commits

01:32:28.440 Suicide because I feel like they

01:32:29.720 Really don't have a choice that was

01:32:31.100 No they're trying to alleviate

01:32:32.200 Whatever pain is inside of them yeah

01:32:34.560 And their pain is in them so much

01:32:36.360 They're like the only way to stop

01:32:38.300 This pain is to stop the where it

01:32:41.600 Lives which is inside of myself you

01:32:43.420 Know it makes sense yeah but it's but

01:32:46.860 Let's talk about something else is

01:32:47.980 That okay oh please I'm sorry to

01:32:50.000 Even get on that but I just say that

01:32:51.680 Like if you have thought if you have

01:32:53.720 Thoughts like that out there like

01:32:54.920 Seriously it's it's a part of a

01:32:57.340 Disease your brain is like fucked you're

01:33:00.420 Not because I would get into whenever

01:33:02.240 I get into that let's let's take it

01:33:03.480 Suicide out of it any negative thought

01:33:04.860 About myself sometimes you like believe

01:33:07.000 I believe like oh this is the truth

01:33:09.140 Like sometimes I don't want to take my

01:33:10.360 Antidepressants because I'm like

01:33:11.480 They're lies I really see the truth and

01:33:14.880 I don't want to feel better because

01:33:16.140 This is the truth the world is shit

01:33:17.820 Climate change I'm old no one cares

01:33:21.460 About me I'm not funny I'm not like

01:33:23.140 I'm not that interesting I no one

01:33:25.080 Really loves me and I know that if I

01:33:27.100 Take a pill I'll I won't feel those

01:33:28.760 Thoughts but sometimes I'm like then

01:33:30.940 You're just dumbing yourself but really

01:33:32.880 I have a sickness I have the flu for

01:33:35.940 My brain and I'm thinking that the flu

01:33:38.140 Is like right and it's not oh that's

01:33:40.480 Interesting yeah so if that helps

01:33:42.940 Anyone or maybe if that makes anyone

01:33:44.460 Feel worse please call someone there's

01:33:46.100 Always someone that will talk to you

01:33:47.460 About how you feel yeah I mean we yeah

01:33:49.980 It's hard to tell in every moment on a

01:33:51.940 Like if you're helping people are

01:33:54.380 Hurting them you know but that's just

01:33:56.140 Like sharing the shit like as as dark

01:33:58.180 As it is I think it's got to help

01:33:59.580 Because whenever I find people like

01:34:01.220 Talking about stuff and I go oh their

01:34:02.960 Life is probably perfect not that

01:34:04.080 Anyone ever thinks that my life is

01:34:05.380 Perfect but I just find that I always

01:34:07.760 Want to know when people I just want

01:34:09.820 People to be more honest about how

01:34:11.180 They struggle or insecure you know I

01:34:14.960 Sometimes I look at girls and I'm

01:34:16.520 Like project so much perfection onto

01:34:17.860 Like these models and like god they

01:34:20.020 Never get sad their homes are probably

01:34:22.300 So clean and perfect and their skin is

01:34:25.180 Just glowy all the time and I just am

01:34:27.600 So jealous and so resentful and then I

01:34:30.520 Hear that they like hate the way they

01:34:31.800 Look and part of me goes fuck you bitch

01:34:33.560 You hate the way you look you model but

01:34:35.420 Then I don't know what then I kind of

01:34:37.000 Feel like it it actually helps me

01:34:38.420 Because I go like well this is just a

01:34:40.540 Sickness because clearly this girl is

01:34:43.120 Like she's not of the right mind so

01:34:45.780 Maybe I have a little hint of that

01:34:47.920 Yeah maybe I'm not seeing myself

01:34:49.920 Clearly

01:34:50.300 Well I think that's what's really

01:34:52.560 Interesting is that as much footage and

01:34:55.380 Everything as we have now of ourselves

01:34:57.280 That we don't see ourselves clearly

01:34:59.800 Dude

01:35:00.180 Somehow we've lost this huge perception

01:35:03.100 Of uh of what even the value of being

01:35:07.460 Inhuman I mean I think it almost goes

01:35:08.780 Back to like we were talking about

01:35:09.780 About the moment it's like it doesn't

01:35:12.540 Feel like we're enough anymore it feels

01:35:16.320 Like even I thought about this the

01:35:18.280 Other day it feels like it used to

01:35:20.860 Feel like 20 years ago if you died it

01:35:22.480 Would really mean something and it

01:35:24.520 Would matter and it would really have a

01:35:26.980 Like a longevity to people and now that

01:35:30.120 Doesn't really feel it feels like people

01:35:33.320 Would get over it pretty quickly and the

01:35:34.540 World would move on that's what it feels

01:35:35.940 Like it feels like so much faster than

01:35:38.240 It would have even those closest to you

01:35:40.800 Yeah and not even because they would

01:35:42.500 Want to but just because of how

01:35:44.640 Whatever's happening to us as a

01:35:46.720 Specy you gotta yeah you gotta move on

01:35:49.780 And I you you do you do not have to

01:35:51.720 Move on that quick if one of us dies no

01:35:53.460 You don't but like you kind of do

01:35:55.300 Because what do you know you're never

01:35:56.580 Coming back I if I die dude I'm

01:35:58.900 Renting out a holiday in for like seven

01:36:00.600 Years people can come there whenever

01:36:01.860 They want and think about me or look at

01:36:04.340 Maybe I love that leave images or

01:36:06.100 Something in there people can look at

01:36:07.540 Them maybe leave like a little you know

01:36:10.320 A little replica hand with no fingers

01:36:12.880 On it you know yeah and people can just

01:36:14.820 Beat themselves with it I don't know but

01:36:17.920 But here's the crazy part I bet after

01:36:19.780 Like a week nobody would even come no

01:36:22.880 For anybody no you're right for

01:36:24.900 Anyone but I think that anybody I mean I

01:36:26.860 Mean I just recently went to Columbine

01:36:28.380 Because I just I don't know what

01:36:31.300 Happened my freshman year of high

01:36:32.740 School it was very just I was just

01:36:35.700 Morbidly curious I guess about it I

01:36:37.740 Was I've always been fascinated by it I

01:36:39.300 Read a few books about it and I'm like

01:36:41.340 I'm I love I don't I hate to say I

01:36:43.800 Love Columbine but like the way that

01:36:45.220 Some women are obsessed with murders

01:36:47.400 And we go oh they're murderistas or

01:36:50.080 Whatever and it's like cute it's you

01:36:51.820 That's me but for like for Columbine

01:36:53.880 9-11 a little bit like I'm my high

01:36:56.640 School was bookended by Columbine 9-11

01:36:58.440 And so like but I went to Columbine and

01:37:01.440 I it was so weird to go to this place

01:37:04.240 Where this like this thing happened go

01:37:06.080 To the memorial that is on kind of right

01:37:08.040 Off campus and it's just like no one

01:37:10.720 Else is there like memorializing it like

01:37:13.560 I thought there would be like crowds but

01:37:15.200 It's just like no this is the students

01:37:17.760 That go there don't even think about that

01:37:19.540 Like maybe they do but it doesn't seem

01:37:21.380 Like it was like in the air there it's

01:37:23.480 Like they've moved on and I'm still

01:37:25.300 Like how is everyone here like I just

01:37:27.580 Thought that everyone knew that I was

01:37:28.920 There to like check out where things

01:37:30.880 Happened and no one cared there was I

01:37:32.820 Saw a cop car and I'm like oh they

01:37:33.920 Probably patrol this area so that people

01:37:35.420 Don't come and like you know and he's

01:37:37.880 Not yes you know he's just like a cop

01:37:39.720 Car at a high school like any other

01:37:41.340 You for direct

01:37:42.080 You got a new Duncan put in around the

01:37:45.820 Corner yeah but people move on yeah

01:37:48.320 And I remember one time a friend of

01:37:50.520 Mine died and I was I had too much I

01:37:53.440 Had a busy week and I I had too much

01:37:56.780 Going on and I remember thinking I

01:37:58.600 Can't I can't cancel this thing that I

01:38:01.100 Have to be happy for and like on for

01:38:03.440 And I just put a bookmark in my

01:38:05.820 Feelings because I go he's never not

01:38:07.560 Going to be dead I can do this later

01:38:09.540 Wow like I it doesn't need to happen

01:38:12.060 Now I can literally just save this for

01:38:14.700 Later and I just didn't feel anything

01:38:16.960 Completely shut myself off to the

01:38:18.700 Sadness for a few days and was able to

01:38:21.520 Do that because I just rationalized

01:38:22.720 Like I have all the time in the world

01:38:24.440 He's never coming back like so I think

01:38:26.840 I'll tell him by later yeah yeah that's

01:38:29.260 What everybody everything feels like

01:38:30.580 That now but I wonder what happens as a

01:38:32.780 Society if when oh you get all those

01:38:34.660 Unprocessed feelings and all that I don't

01:38:37.140 Know and I think we're just learning to

01:38:39.080 You know and also we store everything

01:38:41.280 Now in this third party there's like a

01:38:43.220 Third party to exist and to you just used

01:38:45.360 To just be you and God or you know you

01:38:47.220 In the universe or now there's the

01:38:48.740 Cloud and now there is this other yeah

01:38:52.160 There's this other kind of mirror but

01:38:57.500 It's also like a mirror that has you feel

01:39:02.280 Like somebody's behind it with a control

01:39:04.460 A little bit you mean like your social

01:39:06.440 Media presence I just mean all of this

01:39:09.180 Everything that's recording it you know

01:39:10.980 All of it how we record everything yeah you

01:39:13.020 Know it's like I'll record this and then

01:39:16.060 I'll watch we never watching of it later

01:39:17.900 It never means it's like it's like the

01:39:21.720 Moment I don't know it's just something

01:39:24.100 About the moment used to matter more to

01:39:27.040 Us because we didn't get so many of them

01:39:28.860 Now it's like you can open your tick tock

01:39:30.600 And get a thousand moments from other

01:39:31.980 People and look at them all and whatever

01:39:33.420 And so the moment doesn't have as much

01:39:36.980 Pictures like we just take pictures and

01:39:40.460 Like you get them developed and it was an

01:39:42.340 Event to get them back and now we don't

01:39:44.900 Even print pictures they don't hang

01:39:46.320 Pictures up they're just in our phone and

01:39:48.260 And that was old and then yeah I'm half

01:39:50.280 Ninety-nine percent of them will never

01:39:52.320 Make it out never be seen again and it's

01:39:55.280 Like it's just and then we're all doing

01:39:57.660 That instead of being you know I sometimes

01:40:01.640 Look at my own Instagram feed it's like we

01:40:03.900 All work for Sony kind of we kind of I mean

01:40:08.000 I think we do I think that's or whoever

01:40:10.460 Owns Sony but it's like sometimes I look

01:40:13.800 At my own Instagram feed and I'll get

01:40:15.180 Jealous of myself like god she's like I'll

01:40:19.840 Forget I'm almost looking at myself and

01:40:21.460 I'll go back far enough where it seems

01:40:23.000 Like a different person's life and I'm

01:40:24.220 Like god she has it all she's killing it

01:40:26.560 And I'll have that moment of like fuck I'm

01:40:28.520 Doing it to myself like so when I do it to

01:40:30.520 Other people it's got to be alive because

01:40:32.040 I remember that day I was not happy and I

01:40:33.980 Look like I'm killing it oh my god she

01:40:35.880 Does everything she's so busy she works

01:40:38.040 So hard I start getting like threatened

01:40:40.180 By my past self and then I always run

01:40:43.820 The risk of like when I post something

01:40:45.140 Like I don't want to look like I'm like

01:40:47.380 Look at me but I also need people to look

01:40:50.740 At me yeah and I'm always mitigating this

01:40:53.740 Like I hope people don't think I think

01:40:55.320 I'm cool but I also want people to think

01:40:57.780 I'm cool but you can't like my biggest

01:41:01.620 Fear that I always think is like I just

01:41:03.180 Don't want female comics mainly female

01:41:05.620 Comics to screenshot this and text it to

01:41:07.840 Each other in a mass text of like making

01:41:09.520 Fun of me and being like look at how

01:41:10.660 Sweet she thinks she is she looks she

01:41:12.180 Thinks she looks hot here isn't that sad

01:41:14.400 What is she what's going on with her yeah

01:41:17.360 That I that's what I think about her

01:41:18.940 Really you think about that oh yeah like

01:41:21.180 My peers my funny peers who I look up

01:41:24.160 To you know talking about me because we

01:41:27.160 Do that I mean and when I do it it's

01:41:29.460 Always when I'm threatened it's always a

01:41:31.220 Girl showing her body in a way that I'm

01:41:32.560 Like oh my god I say I say oh this is

01:41:34.620 So sad but really I'm like I wish I

01:41:36.560 Could show my body like that and be that

01:41:38.040 Free and like not care what people

01:41:39.860 Think who is more threatening to women

01:41:43.500 You think other female comedian women or

01:41:45.920 Other men comedians I think it's I think

01:41:49.300 It's a totally different thing and so

01:41:51.260 It's kind of hard to compare the two

01:41:52.940 Because it's such a different kind of

01:41:54.120 Threat but female comedians like we yeah

01:41:58.360 We definitely are threatened by one

01:41:59.680 Another and I think it's it podcast is

01:42:01.700 More conversational nature of what we're

01:42:04.580 Doing now and sharing and like it's

01:42:06.900 Made me a lot more open about like my

01:42:08.740 Insecurities and being able to tell

01:42:10.080 When you like I need to mute I need to

01:42:11.840 Mute you sometimes like I'm sometimes I

01:42:14.240 You know telling Taylor Tomlinson like I

01:42:17.180 Like I sometimes don't watch your clips

01:42:19.840 Because I don't want to know how funny

01:42:22.760 You are because it makes me feel insecure

01:42:24.700 I like I being able to say it's so

01:42:29.020 Embarrassing to say that but like it's

01:42:31.020 Just true and it's not and it's not

01:42:33.020 Helping anything but yeah I think that

01:42:34.500 We I know yeah there's tons of female

01:42:36.820 Comics that have I mean my biggest

01:42:39.020 My the worst interactions I've had in

01:42:43.600 Comedy have been with female comics like

01:42:45.560 I was pretty badly bullied what like in

01:42:48.820 Stand-up when I first got into it like

01:42:50.420 Almost bullied out of comedy when I

01:42:53.060 First started and just looked up to this

01:42:55.500 Girl that was on the scene like only

01:42:56.960 Wanted to be her had nothing but

01:42:58.780 Reverence for her did not even consider

01:43:01.680 That I mean I was not a stand-up that

01:43:03.800 Like thought I was good when I first

01:43:05.280 Started I was not one that was like hey

01:43:06.880 Asking the headliner to watch my set

01:43:08.740 Like I was embarrassed because I knew I

01:43:10.840 Was bad because I just started and I

01:43:12.300 Knew that I was gonna get better but did

01:43:14.780 You work with the girl or no you know we

01:43:16.740 Were in the same scene in St. Louis and

01:43:18.520 Like she was the top dog on the scene

01:43:20.080 So funny a little bit older and and she

01:43:24.640 Just hated me just hated me thought I

01:43:26.580 Wasn't funny and then she also thought

01:43:29.380 Tommy John again wasn't funny he was we

01:43:30.760 Were kind of like the two young comics

01:43:32.780 In St. Louis and that's when I knew

01:43:34.040 Like oh I'm probably funny because if

01:43:35.440 She thinks Tommy's not Tommy's just I

01:43:37.040 Knew Tommy was funny so I was like oh

01:43:38.460 She just thinks anyone who's funny

01:43:41.180 Funny is isn't funny so that that made

01:43:43.220 Me feel better but she she just like

01:43:45.300 Spread lies that I slept with people for

01:43:46.860 Stage time and I was a fucking virgin at

01:43:48.980 The time like I literally had never had

01:43:50.820 Sex and I was she's saying I was

01:43:52.420 Sucking dick for stage time when I was

01:43:54.200 Turning down stage time I mean there

01:43:56.040 Were guys there was headliners that

01:43:57.360 Came through and they would offer me

01:43:59.500 Guest sets because they probably liked

01:44:00.920 Me and I was funny enough but you know

01:44:03.180 Have you ever blown an Indian guy

01:44:04.560 Before no no why I don't know no I

01:44:10.060 Haven't not yet bucket list you got to

01:44:13.860 Get out there huh it's weird sometimes

01:44:16.540 That thing I feel like I can't even I

01:44:18.060 Never I feel like Indian people even

01:44:19.880 Have penises I feel like I've never I

01:44:21.760 Don't know I never even like even in

01:44:23.780 Porn I never even yeah I guess I don't

01:44:25.800 See much Indian representation in porn they

01:44:29.420 Don't Indian yeah it's like I can't even

01:44:31.660 Imagine I can't even imagine an Indian

01:44:34.040 Guy with a penis really yeah I can for

01:44:37.720 Some reason I'm like I'm into it yeah

01:44:41.800 What else we want to go through a

01:44:45.260 Couple of news topics all right anything

01:44:46.940 Else we want to talk about I feel like

01:44:48.320 We covered everything did we good I

01:44:50.580 Mean not like it's been a good

01:44:51.780 Conversation how do you think it's been

01:44:53.180 Zach all right oh yeah you're about an

01:44:55.940 Hour 40 right would you like tell us the

01:44:57.780 Truth Zach would you ever be like this

01:44:59.780 Was not your best and then just take it

01:45:02.000 Out later I don't think you would I

01:45:03.920 Would tell you the truth all right good

01:45:05.700 Okay good at all okay that's good

01:45:08.020 Still don't know if I'm no lols like no

01:45:10.080 LOLs yeah L-U-L-L yes yes yes okay this

01:45:15.520 Is a story we were talking about you're

01:45:16.800 Talking about DMs earlier Doja Cat is

01:45:19.240 Calling out Noah this guy from

01:45:20.920 Stranger Things he plays Will I guess

01:45:23.240 She DMed him trying to hook up with the

01:45:25.620 Guy who plays Eddie on the show and he

01:45:29.140 Shared their DM thread and she called him

01:45:31.800 Out saying it's kind of weasel shit so

01:45:33.540 Isn't this kid 17 that she DMed she yes

01:45:36.620 But she's DMing him about with the guy

01:45:39.740 I still think it's like I'm not saying

01:45:41.780 That she's doing anything inappropriate

01:45:42.880 By DMing a 17 year old but the 17 year

01:45:46.400 Old is might screenshot your

01:45:47.960 Conversation I mean he's a child so you

01:45:50.000 Don't get mad and also it's a little

01:45:51.840 Strange just DM the guy that you're into

01:45:54.480 This is the guy she was trying to hook

01:45:56.580 Up with his looks like when known a

01:45:57.960 Writer

01:45:58.180 Um okay I don't watch this show but so

01:46:02.400 What did she say I can't read that what

01:46:03.640 What was her first okay Noah can you

01:46:07.180 Sorry I don't have my glasses on

01:46:09.020 No you tell Joseph to hit me up uh wait

01:46:12.060 No does he have a girlfriend and he goes

01:46:14.280 L-M-A-O-O-O slide into his DMs okay his

01:46:17.180 IG on Twitter or Twitter he doesn't have a

01:46:19.240 DM to slide into okay so she she would

01:46:21.260 Have oh and then he sent her it right

01:46:24.180 Right here ma'am see this we call her

01:46:26.440 Ma'am oh ouch that is cold and I think

01:46:31.960 It's strange she went through a why do

01:46:35.200 You it's because sometimes people will do

01:46:38.060 This thing they will say hey what about

01:46:40.740 Your friend but they're really trying

01:46:42.020 After you

01:46:42.860 That was my first thought too I don't

01:46:46.180 Want to make any accusations

01:46:47.740 I don't make any accusations I mean

01:46:49.480 That's just very realistic

01:46:50.900 How old is Doja Cat they got a writer

01:46:54.000 Name TMZ loves to say or they got a

01:46:56.160 Writer age these publications love to

01:46:58.420 Say a woman's age Doja Cat is 26 okay

01:47:02.200 26 sorry that's if I was trying to get a

01:47:06.780 Find out about a guy I would not go to

01:47:09.540 One of his children co-stars to find out

01:47:12.680 His thing and she also may not have

01:47:15.000 Known how old this guy yes maybe but

01:47:16.580 You know yeah yeah I think oh do you

01:47:20.360 Ever worry about that girl screenshot

01:47:21.620 In your stuff what girl because just

01:47:23.980 Any girls like you DM maybe like you

01:47:25.900 Know fans yeah I've never seen I'd

01:47:28.420 Never have sent anything really in

01:47:30.420 Obscene or nothing you know my buddy I

01:47:33.180 Used to use a dick pic for you know two

01:47:35.200 Times I sent it but it was my buddies my

01:47:36.800 Friend Jason oh that's good and didn't

01:47:39.140 Look like yours enough that it was like

01:47:40.660 Okay to use or were you just like no I

01:47:43.500 Think it was just you know I was

01:47:45.400 Probably and you know driving or

01:47:46.980 Something and I just was like I need a

01:47:49.300 Dick pic hey yeah and like hey can you

01:47:51.640 You know and he's kind of he's 17 and

01:47:54.140 He's looking for work

01:47:54.940 Yeah he's 17

01:47:56.540 Let's get some real news is there any

01:48:02.100 Adult news going on

01:48:04.140 Adult oh yeah

01:48:06.140 Yeah so Elon's walking away from his

01:48:09.000 Twitter deal Twitter's threatening to sue him

01:48:10.560 What waste of all of our time

01:48:12.640 Talking about this guy buying it

01:48:14.860 Really why he had twin he's having

01:48:17.400 Twins apparently with someone I know it

01:48:19.000 One of the people who works how

01:48:20.600 Efficient is he he's having fucking

01:48:22.060 Twins dude

01:48:23.300 You got to respect that guy

01:48:27.540 Two birds

01:48:30.640 Yeah I was just annoyed by this this is

01:48:34.080 Like when people say they're going they're

01:48:35.620 Retiring and then come out of

01:48:36.620 Retirement I go we wasted so much

01:48:38.760 Energy talking about you buying Twitter

01:48:40.840 And now you're not let's like god can I

01:48:42.620 Get that time back I know but it's like

01:48:45.440 You got it set Twitter free it's just

01:48:46.980 Way too far left like uh it just

01:48:52.240 Caters to way too much of one side of

01:48:54.740 All views I feel like it's just seems

01:48:57.920 Like a because here's what I wish you

01:48:59.480 Would do better I hope he doesn't I

01:49:01.720 Hope he gets it and then just kills it

01:49:04.140 Oh that's yeah you're right I mean I

01:49:05.920 Would I'm already pretty much done

01:49:07.340 Because print is kind of dead yes so

01:49:09.960 Once that's gone what are we gonna

01:49:12.920 Do then it's just gonna be video

01:49:14.700 Stuff I just think it leaves us in a

01:49:16.300 Better spot because you can it that's

01:49:18.680 The only place you can easily go kill

01:49:20.480 It and just get all these other like

01:49:22.900 Quick replies and like thoughts from

01:49:25.120 People it's like you know the other

01:49:27.420 Social media platforms there's not as

01:49:31.520 It doesn't seem as easy to do that it's

01:49:34.100 Like you know you can pull some comments

01:49:35.960 Off of Instagram piece but that doesn't

01:49:37.180 Feel like things don't catch fire right

01:49:39.040 Ideas don't catch fire as as quickly as

01:49:40.860 Twitter right yeah yeah you're right

01:49:42.660 That's a good that's an interesting

01:49:43.880 Perspective of he would have run it

01:49:45.380 Into the ground yeah and now that's

01:49:47.080 Not gonna happen right and then I

01:49:48.380 Don't know if there's another one that

01:49:49.700 Gets people's like where they can quote

01:49:51.700 People as much and is easily with print

01:49:54.000 And so then it's like kind of sets us

01:49:56.180 Free from all that so I feel like the

01:49:59.300 Best thing that he could do Elon that's

01:50:02.960 Even your name which it probably isn't

01:50:04.280 But is buy it and kill it you know you

01:50:08.640 Know what do they say kill birds or

01:50:10.260 Whatever or don't I don't know what

01:50:12.140 They say man but do it what else do we

01:50:15.600 Have oh we got the rovers wade you

01:50:18.020 Guys they overturned rovers was there

01:50:20.680 More news yeah I mean I Louisiana is

01:50:23.780 One of the places where they just put

01:50:25.600 In they had a they banned it yeah same

01:50:29.420 With Missouri where I live I'm shocked

01:50:32.220 Kind of that this happened yeah yeah it's

01:50:36.000 Sad I for the first time ever like I

01:50:40.300 Hearing people say you know don't tell

01:50:44.420 A woman what to do with her body like

01:50:45.860 The people that believe abortion is

01:50:48.160 Like literally killing a baby like I

01:50:51.940 Kind of see their point if you believe

01:50:54.220 That it's a baby at a certain like

01:50:56.340 Late-term abortion I don't think any I

01:50:58.540 Wouldn't be for that and I'm very pro

01:51:00.820 And how late do they do it I mean if

01:51:02.720 It's there should be a line for sure

01:51:04.820 But it can smile or something I think

01:51:07.080 You can't do it I don't know how they

01:51:08.720 See that

01:51:09.360 You know I'm saying though like if it

01:51:13.640 Can like yeah I mean there should be a

01:51:16.060 Line but then it's like okay if you miss

01:51:18.120 The day before that line is that not a

01:51:20.460 Like what when is what's the fucking line

01:51:23.660 But there needs to be one but I do see

01:51:26.080 For the first time when when you know

01:51:27.840 People people on the pro-choice side

01:51:30.100 Are saying don't stop trying to control

01:51:32.880 A woman's body I mean I believe that

01:51:35.400 That is what they're trying to do but

01:51:36.700 I think that people that are pro-life

01:51:37.960 A lot of times they just think you're

01:51:39.280 Killing babies and I kind of Sarah

01:51:41.040 Silverman used to have I think a bit

01:51:42.620 About like seeing little girls with

01:51:44.720 Signs outside of an abortion clinic

01:51:45.940 You know picketing with their parents

01:51:47.120 And these little girls literally think

01:51:48.420 They're in there stabbing babies which

01:51:50.320 Is like right of course you would be

01:51:52.380 Against that so I don't I don't blame

01:51:54.000 People that really think it's a human

01:51:55.440 Life and and are against that but I

01:51:59.260 Really think this is about like wanting

01:52:01.600 To punish women for being sluts like

01:52:04.040 It's like huge you chose to you wanted

01:52:06.860 To fuck someone and and I I don't know

01:52:09.520 This is me kind of going a step further

01:52:11.320 I think men want to punish women who

01:52:13.900 Don't fuck them so oh you want to fuck

01:52:15.480 Someone other than me you're gonna have

01:52:16.960 To keep the baby then you stupid slut I

01:52:19.080 Think it's punishing women for being

01:52:20.880 Sluts men love sluts when they're

01:52:23.840 Sluts for them but they fucking hate

01:52:25.880 Sluts when they're sluts for other men

01:52:27.500 And I say sluts as like that's not

01:52:30.460 What I'm calling them that's what I

01:52:31.680 Think men I know you're talking about

01:52:33.260 Yeah what men think women just love

01:52:35.420 Dixon so much when really we have sex

01:52:38.260 With men a lot of times not because we

01:52:39.800 Love dixon us but because we want men

01:52:42.140 To like us and to protect us and we

01:52:44.380 Want to give you guys what you want

01:52:46.560 What does it feel like does it feel

01:52:48.160 Like you're having like your like you

01:52:49.600 Like after you've eaten dinner does it

01:52:51.360 Just feel like that but in your vagina

01:52:53.120 Oh like like stuffed like literally

01:52:55.420 Like Thanksgiving like um sometimes if

01:52:58.960 You're like have a lot of stuff in you

01:53:00.760 But no it does not feel like it does

01:53:02.620 Not feel like you're like oh I'm gonna

01:53:04.040 Throw

01:53:04.440 Yeah that's what I want

01:53:06.760 Encourgitating um no it feels like

01:53:09.980 Um I guess you just like don't know

01:53:13.060 What it's like I'm not trying to

01:53:14.200 Imagine you guys could feel like anally

01:53:15.900 I'm just trying to think about it

01:53:17.660 That's the only thing that we can share

01:53:19.440 Is what anal sex feels like that's the

01:53:21.700 Only thing men and women can go I know

01:53:23.360 What you're talking about hmm which I

01:53:25.080 Kind of like about it is that why you

01:53:26.660 Think women and gay men get along well

01:53:28.680 No but that is interesting um but I

01:53:33.980 Do I do like I I do like talking to

01:53:38.040 Gay men about anal sex because I enjoy

01:53:39.500 It and I like talking about like isn't

01:53:41.780 It great and no one like fucking knows

01:53:43.240 How great it is and you guys like have

01:53:45.000 To do it because you don't have

01:53:46.140 Anything else but like also like you're

01:53:48.460 Not doing it because you're like I

01:53:49.300 Guess this is all we have like it

01:53:50.440 Literally feels good or they probably

01:53:52.060 Wouldn't do it but they should be

01:53:53.600 Able to find another way to do it

01:53:54.700 Also dude they can redesign a damn

01:53:56.400 Fucking living room in a heartbeat

01:53:57.960 But you can't

01:53:58.780 They don't need to find another way

01:54:02.020 Dude it feels so good

01:54:03.680 Well then that's fine

01:54:05.220 Yeah it really like if you find a way

01:54:07.540 To make it work it can really work for

01:54:09.080 You

01:54:09.260 Yeah I um

01:54:12.220 Not you're not interested

01:54:14.100 Well I remember they had this group

01:54:16.280 For a while it was like trying to get

01:54:18.100 They had this gay group in our area

01:54:20.100 That was trying to get um

01:54:21.860 It was like we want to know what it

01:54:23.720 Feels like to have a period or whatever

01:54:25.840 To like to partner with women

01:54:28.100 So they would wear in um

01:54:29.600 Tampons in their bottom

01:54:30.880 And for like four days a week

01:54:32.900 That's not what it feels like

01:54:34.060 To put in a tampon

01:54:35.600 That is really stupid

01:54:36.060 Yeah it was crazy man

01:54:37.240 And they were like trying to get you know

01:54:39.120 Get people on board with that

01:54:42.460 I was like dude I ain't doing that

01:54:44.120 No

01:54:44.680 I would not suggest that

01:54:46.560 That would be a dry tampon

01:54:48.320 Like

01:54:48.580 There's nothing worse than putting a tampon

01:54:50.520 Up your vagina

01:54:51.100 When you're not bleeding

01:54:52.040 It's like dry

01:54:52.740 That's what it would feel like

01:54:53.620 Up your asshole

01:54:54.060 That's terrible

01:54:54.840 Yeah this guy

01:54:55.640 Yeah this group was

01:54:56.560 No

01:54:57.000 This group was idiots

01:54:58.160 They weren't even

01:54:58.960 I don't know if they even had a

01:55:00.100 Flag or if they were sanctioned

01:55:04.380 Or whatever

01:55:04.920 It could have just been

01:55:06.240 Some pervy gay dudes

01:55:07.640 You know

01:55:08.020 I cannot believe that that's a thing

01:55:09.820 Like in solidarity

01:55:10.820 Oh yeah

01:55:11.840 Really

01:55:12.300 Alright

01:55:13.140 Oh my god

01:55:15.400 They used to have a lot of

01:55:17.080 I'm trying to think of like

01:55:18.140 What it feels like to describe

01:55:18.940 They used to have a group called

01:55:20.080 I've talked about this before

01:55:21.660 But they used to have a group called

01:55:22.540 FAG Fist Fights right

01:55:24.540 That would come to the bars in Louisiana

01:55:26.560 It was gay men

01:55:27.600 And they would come and fight

01:55:28.780 And fist fight

01:55:29.320 And you'd pay to go watch

01:55:30.400 Wait

01:55:30.960 Okay

01:55:32.200 So they would

01:55:33.180 But was it just like

01:55:34.780 Like boxing

01:55:35.480 Yeah it was just gay boxing

01:55:36.720 And you would pay to go watch it

01:55:39.080 Yeah we'd go there and drink

01:55:40.160 You'd go and drink and watch

01:55:41.460 You know

01:55:41.780 And it was just

01:55:42.320 Like were they

01:55:43.280 Were they enjoying it in an erotic way

01:55:45.420 Did you think it was like a sexual thing

01:55:46.660 No these men were beating

01:55:46.780 They were beating

01:55:47.680 If there was anything straight left in any of them

01:55:50.040 I think they'd beat it out of each other

01:55:52.220 Was it like a self-hating thing you think

01:55:54.300 As gay men

01:55:55.240 I don't know

01:55:56.140 Because they were

01:55:56.580 Couldn't be themselves

01:55:57.540 I don't know

01:55:58.500 It reminds me of this kid that I grew up with

01:56:00.460 And he dated this gal

01:56:01.440 Who I think was a lesbian

01:56:02.500 Probably early lesbian

01:56:03.680 Yeah

01:56:03.900 You know

01:56:04.140 And he would always

01:56:05.900 He had like

01:56:06.360 She would like bruise his penis up

01:56:08.260 And it would like

01:56:09.040 He would always show us

01:56:10.480 And it was like

01:56:11.060 Dude I don't think

01:56:12.220 She likes that

01:56:13.620 Yeah

01:56:14.020 Fuck

01:56:15.780 I mean

01:56:16.320 She would

01:56:16.840 Never heard of anything like that

01:56:17.760 I mean she would

01:56:19.020 Bruise

01:56:19.700 Bruise

01:56:19.720 I mean yeah

01:56:20.740 This kid Bradley

01:56:22.720 And he used to be a referee

01:56:23.740 Did he like it

01:56:24.920 I think he was happy

01:56:27.260 That somebody was touching his penis

01:56:28.620 But I think he wished it was somebody else

01:56:30.480 Oh man

01:56:31.180 Yeah it looked like she had just

01:56:33.280 You know

01:56:33.720 That is the thing about penises

01:56:35.120 Like you just asked me

01:56:35.920 What it feels like to have a penis

01:56:36.880 And you like

01:56:37.380 You don't

01:56:37.820 You can't understand what that feels like

01:56:39.320 And you even said before

01:56:40.220 Like just loitering with the

01:56:41.860 You know

01:56:43.000 Having a penis between your legs

01:56:44.180 Like that is wild to me

01:56:45.980 That you guys have that

01:56:46.900 Just like swinging

01:56:47.780 All the time

01:56:48.960 And that also

01:56:49.800 The thing that blew my mind

01:56:51.060 About penises

01:56:51.600 When I first encountered them

01:56:53.160 Was that they go

01:56:54.040 I thought a boner

01:56:55.200 Just was like 90 degrees

01:56:56.480 I didn't know they could go

01:56:57.340 Like all the way up

01:56:58.220 And I love that they can just be like

01:56:59.620 I love a flaccid penis

01:57:01.320 I love playing with them

01:57:02.560 I think they're so fun

01:57:03.580 I like to just hold

01:57:04.580 Them when they're flaccid

01:57:06.200 And I know guys don't like that

01:57:07.300 Because it's like

01:57:07.860 Oh I'm small

01:57:08.580 But I just love

01:57:09.360 I just think they're so fun

01:57:10.640 Well I'm laying down

01:57:11.940 If I squeeze my penis

01:57:13.120 Yeah

01:57:13.740 For long enough

01:57:14.960 I'll go to sleep

01:57:16.460 It's comforting

01:57:17.580 It's good

01:57:18.620 Yeah

01:57:19.260 It's good

01:57:20.740 The same way

01:57:21.380 I think women do that

01:57:22.180 With our tits

01:57:23.460 Just like hold it

01:57:24.540 The guy just gets to do this

01:57:26.240 And it feels like

01:57:27.700 I get why that is exciting to men

01:57:30.140 And I just get to do it

01:57:31.020 Well it feels like

01:57:31.680 You're holding on to like

01:57:33.100 The chain of life a little bit

01:57:36.940 You're like hugging

01:57:37.960 You're nurturing yourself

01:57:39.140 Like again

01:57:39.780 I didn't get touched enough

01:57:40.820 As a kid

01:57:41.180 I don't think

01:57:41.660 In the right way

01:57:42.580 You know

01:57:42.880 Yeah

01:57:43.200 And so

01:57:43.640 Yeah same I think

01:57:44.860 Let's look at a little bit more

01:57:46.420 Yeah so if this starts to happen though

01:57:48.320 If they shut down the

01:57:49.380 Oh yeah

01:57:50.420 What's gonna happen do you think

01:57:52.120 Like how do you see that playing out

01:57:54.140 Just

01:57:54.580 Women getting them illegally

01:57:56.520 Right

01:57:56.880 It's just gonna be something for the elite

01:57:58.440 They're just

01:57:59.100 Or

01:57:59.780 And they're just gonna

01:58:01.160 Do it in unsafe methods

01:58:03.080 Right

01:58:03.580 And so there's still gonna be abortion

01:58:04.560 But it's just women

01:58:05.180 Are gonna die from it

01:58:05.920 Back streets back

01:58:06.620 Alright

01:58:07.220 Fuck

01:58:07.920 That is so fucking funny

01:58:10.320 It's gonna get

01:58:12.400 Risqué out there

01:58:15.400 Back streets back

01:58:19.020 Alright

01:58:19.420 Honestly that makes me feel so happy

01:58:26.720 That out of all of that

01:58:29.040 All of this

01:58:29.740 That makes me so sad

01:58:30.920 You can make that joke

01:58:32.540 And like that wouldn't exist

01:58:33.820 Without this happening

01:58:35.480 And I'm grateful that that joke can exist

01:58:37.400 It doesn't make it worth it

01:58:38.500 But that

01:58:39.120 That fact that I'm always

01:58:40.500 I'm gonna tell everyone about this joke

01:58:42.360 And that will bring

01:58:43.560 A little bit of joy

01:58:44.840 To this very scary time

01:58:46.360 To just go

01:58:46.820 Back streets back

01:58:48.140 Alright

01:58:48.860 Damn

01:58:52.320 Yeah with this abortion stuff man

01:58:54.000 What if they start going back

01:58:55.300 To those

01:58:55.800 Like

01:58:56.360 No it's so

01:58:57.820 Yeah I've never had one

01:59:00.760 And doesn't look like

01:59:02.800 I'm ever gonna be able to

01:59:03.800 I live in Missouri

01:59:04.540 So I can't get one

01:59:05.600 Anymore

01:59:06.460 That's true

01:59:07.440 But I

01:59:07.700 You know

01:59:07.980 You just

01:59:08.380 I'd be

01:59:09.340 I'd find a way

01:59:10.580 So people are then gonna drive

01:59:11.840 Across state lines to get them

01:59:13.020 If I needed to

01:59:13.760 Yeah yeah yeah

01:59:14.100 So there's gonna be like

01:59:14.760 Little abortion wagons

01:59:16.100 Or whatever

01:59:16.540 Like you'll

01:59:16.940 See like a train

01:59:18.820 Of just like

01:59:19.700 Spent broads

01:59:21.980 Rolling through town

01:59:23.100 You know

01:59:23.640 You know

01:59:26.980 Just like legs

01:59:28.140 Hanging over

01:59:28.740 Out the side

01:59:29.820 Of the thing

01:59:30.460 It's just like

01:59:31.440 Spent broads

01:59:32.660 Yeah we're taking them

01:59:33.620 All up north

01:59:34.600 You know

01:59:35.300 It's a freaking

01:59:36.320 I know

01:59:37.260 Oh man

01:59:39.820 Yeah no

01:59:41.340 You can go to like

01:59:42.920 The underground snail road

01:59:44.800 Oh my god

01:59:45.760 Oh my fucking god

01:59:47.300 That's crazy

01:59:47.400 There's just gonna be

01:59:55.080 Greyhound buses

01:59:56.860 Full of freaking

01:59:58.700 Just breast milk

02:00:00.700 Leaking out the back of it

02:00:02.260 Oh my god

02:00:02.620 Just charter

02:00:03.740 Just like

02:00:04.500 The fucking

02:00:05.620 Gestation charters

02:00:07.660 LLC

02:00:08.200 Just like

02:00:09.100 All kinds of

02:00:10.000 Crazy LLCs

02:00:11.920 Opening up

02:00:12.600 Just trucking these

02:00:14.800 Freaking

02:00:15.240 God damn it

02:00:15.600 Theo stop

02:00:16.320 Just trucking

02:00:18.000 These

02:00:18.640 Cock serving

02:00:20.120 Broads

02:00:20.780 No

02:00:21.100 You're contributing

02:00:24.400 To the narrative

02:00:25.260 No look

02:00:27.760 It's so sad

02:00:28.840 It's ridiculous man

02:00:30.440 It's like

02:00:31.040 Have you ever had a scare

02:00:32.380 Have you ever had

02:00:33.220 I'm sure

02:00:34.380 I don't

02:00:34.940 No like

02:00:35.600 I won't even have sex

02:00:36.640 Two times in a row

02:00:37.800 With the woman

02:00:38.260 Because I don't want

02:00:39.360 The possibility of

02:00:41.140 Since I got off

02:00:42.520 A first time

02:00:43.200 Of any

02:00:43.740 More semen

02:00:44.600 Getting in there

02:00:45.240 Oh my god

02:00:45.820 It's like you're like

02:00:46.620 Buying two lottery tickets

02:00:48.580 You don't want to

02:00:49.280 Double your chances

02:00:50.000 Oh yeah

02:00:51.380 I don't want to

02:00:52.200 Single my chances

02:00:53.020 Whoa dude

02:00:54.320 Do you pull out

02:00:55.180 Is that your

02:00:55.840 Preferred

02:00:56.760 I pull way out

02:00:57.360 Do you use condoms

02:00:58.140 I don't know

02:00:59.720 I don't regularly use them

02:01:00.900 But I have used them

02:01:01.700 For sure

02:01:02.140 Yeah

02:01:02.420 I mean I use them

02:01:03.160 When it's necessary

02:01:04.100 Yes

02:01:04.600 Yes

02:01:05.200 Man

02:01:06.100 But you're rich now man

02:01:07.520 If I like

02:01:07.940 Jumped off a building

02:01:08.880 And landed into a vagina

02:01:10.260 On a street

02:01:10.860 Yes

02:01:11.420 I would use a condom

02:01:12.560 Okay but like

02:01:13.920 Do you worry that

02:01:14.800 Girls are going to

02:01:15.840 Try to keep it in

02:01:17.080 Try to find

02:01:17.940 The cum

02:01:18.640 Put it in them

02:01:19.420 Uh uh

02:01:20.620 I go

02:01:21.160 I'll go to

02:01:21.580 I'll definitely

02:01:22.540 You know Drake

02:01:22.720 Puts hot sauce

02:01:23.460 In his condoms

02:01:24.240 I'll keep it far away

02:01:25.500 Oh I'm from Louisiana

02:01:26.920 Dude I wouldn't be shocked

02:01:28.000 If people have done

02:01:28.620 A lot of that shit

02:01:29.560 I wouldn't be surprised

02:01:31.320 If uh

02:01:31.900 Yours already has it in it

02:01:32.900 Some of the

02:01:33.940 Booyah base

02:01:34.680 Out there

02:01:35.280 Um

02:01:37.380 You gotta worry about that shit

02:01:38.700 I know man

02:01:39.380 Girls do crazy stuff

02:01:40.540 I just don't even

02:01:42.420 Want to ejaculate anymore

02:01:43.540 I just don't even know

02:01:44.380 If it's safe in this world

02:01:45.040 It's probably best

02:01:46.120 For your mind not to

02:01:47.400 Like

02:01:48.560 I'm just gonna go back

02:01:49.440 It fucks you up

02:01:50.020 Go back to my old neighborhood

02:01:51.400 And just

02:01:51.940 Yard out for dad

02:01:54.420 Yard out for dad

02:01:56.880 I cannot

02:01:57.620 I mean

02:01:58.580 RIP

02:01:59.060 Is your dad still alive?

02:02:00.160 No

02:02:00.460 No

02:02:00.660 Okay

02:02:01.200 God I really wanna get to the bottom

02:02:02.360 Of what that reasoning was

02:02:03.560 Just giving it back to the earth

02:02:06.540 Yeah

02:02:06.980 It wasn't

02:02:07.480 It wasn't about shaming you though

02:02:08.660 It wasn't like

02:02:09.120 Don't you fucking do this again

02:02:10.380 No

02:02:10.780 He just said that's God

02:02:12.140 He put it back

02:02:12.920 Oh fuck

02:02:14.820 But that's how it is

02:02:17.700 God loves cum

02:02:18.480 But yeah

02:02:19.440 What do you think will happen?

02:02:20.460 Would you go get one still

02:02:21.500 You think?

02:02:22.080 Or would you

02:02:22.560 Do you think it's gonna create

02:02:23.980 Cause I guess

02:02:24.500 If the idea is

02:02:25.700 I get how

02:02:26.740 Religious people

02:02:28.480 I get if they are

02:02:29.400 Overtly religious

02:02:30.440 Uh huh

02:02:31.020 Devoutly religious

02:02:31.700 I get some of their

02:02:33.540 Like you're saying

02:02:34.680 I get their mindset

02:02:35.580 I can understand

02:02:36.420 People's mindsets on it

02:02:37.860 Yeah

02:02:38.140 I can too

02:02:38.820 I can even understand

02:02:40.120 The mindsets of the men

02:02:41.800 Who are just like

02:02:42.600 God

02:02:43.900 Women

02:02:44.300 If they really

02:02:45.200 Were able to harness

02:02:46.180 Their sexuality

02:02:46.800 They could destroy us

02:02:48.000 We should

02:02:48.420 Probably

02:02:49.320 Fucking

02:02:50.060 Put some sanctions on this

02:02:51.300 Because

02:02:51.760 You know

02:02:52.880 Bill Clinton

02:02:54.580 Think of what

02:02:55.720 Bill Clinton sacrificed

02:02:56.480 To get a blowjob

02:02:57.160 Like really think about that

02:02:58.260 Because his balls

02:02:59.560 Were full one day

02:03:00.660 And his flirty skirt

02:03:02.240 Walked by the office

02:03:03.280 And he sacrificed

02:03:05.340 Everything

02:03:06.600 That he had worked

02:03:07.420 So he got to the top position

02:03:09.160 And he put it all on the line

02:03:10.320 For a blowjob

02:03:11.800 And then another one

02:03:12.780 And then a fucking

02:03:13.480 Cigar up a pussy

02:03:14.280 Like

02:03:14.860 If women were really able

02:03:16.600 To harness

02:03:17.200 What we could do

02:03:18.060 To that

02:03:18.940 That power

02:03:19.800 How defenseless men are

02:03:21.280 To wanting to come

02:03:22.120 We could take over

02:03:23.680 Like

02:03:24.040 That's some powerful shit

02:03:25.760 Yeah

02:03:26.020 So

02:03:26.600 Of course I'd want to control

02:03:28.100 That if I were a man

02:03:28.820 And saw my

02:03:29.380 My livelihood

02:03:30.520 And my

02:03:31.100 Sense of power

02:03:32.320 And self

02:03:32.720 Being threatened

02:03:33.320 By women

02:03:34.440 And their bodies

02:03:35.680 I'd want to fucking

02:03:36.560 Try to

02:03:37.720 If I was a bad person

02:03:39.540 And wanted to

02:03:40.500 Like

02:03:40.720 A selfish person

02:03:41.940 A narcissist

02:03:42.560 I'd want to control that

02:03:43.700 I even understand that logic

02:03:45.100 And I think that's where

02:03:45.900 It comes from

02:03:46.500 But some guys

02:03:47.860 I think

02:03:48.200 Honestly

02:03:48.600 He also was just

02:03:49.520 In the White House

02:03:50.240 I think like

02:03:50.880 He just got in the

02:03:52.000 Oval Office

02:03:52.880 I think there's something

02:03:54.100 About guys

02:03:54.640 Like if you just get

02:03:55.400 Into a new room

02:03:56.360 It's like you want to

02:03:57.120 Kind of ejaculate in it

02:03:58.500 Like dude

02:03:58.980 I'll stay at a Hampton Inn

02:04:00.080 Bro

02:04:00.260 And I'm not in there

02:04:00.900 40 minutes

02:04:01.720 Before I'm like

02:04:02.620 I gotta spill out in here

02:04:04.500 Wait

02:04:04.940 You just said

02:04:05.480 You don't like

02:04:06.120 To put out your

02:04:06.720 Like you

02:04:07.280 But you want it out

02:04:08.460 In that room

02:04:09.200 I'm talking about

02:04:09.340 As a child

02:04:10.140 You know

02:04:10.560 Right

02:04:10.900 Okay

02:04:11.240 Okay

02:04:11.600 But as an adult

02:04:12.740 I think as a man

02:04:13.680 You're like

02:04:14.340 You know

02:04:14.900 I'll stay

02:04:16.080 State your claim

02:04:16.600 Yeah

02:04:17.020 Oh dude

02:04:17.620 I'm 75 minutes

02:04:18.900 I'm

02:04:19.240 You know

02:04:19.920 Where's

02:04:20.480 Where's the most

02:04:21.340 Common hotel room

02:04:22.260 Based on when you

02:04:23.200 Have come in hotel rooms

02:04:24.340 Comforter

02:04:26.020 Like the top sheet

02:04:26.940 No

02:04:27.620 On the floor

02:04:28.260 I think

02:04:28.700 On the floor

02:04:29.340 Okay

02:04:29.720 Good to know

02:04:31.120 What do you think

02:04:32.640 Yeah

02:04:33.900 I would

02:04:34.100 I would think

02:04:34.620 Like

02:04:35.100 I would just

02:04:35.920 Like if I were

02:04:36.780 Even myself

02:04:38.420 I just kind of like

02:04:39.120 Smear it on like

02:04:40.280 The pillowcase

02:04:41.100 Or like wipe my hand

02:04:42.160 Like on a pillow

02:04:42.760 I'm not using

02:04:43.440 And just like

02:04:43.960 Something I know

02:04:44.860 Is gonna get washed

02:04:45.760 Oh

02:04:46.460 Or like a

02:04:47.780 Toil

02:04:48.340 Just like

02:04:48.740 Rub it in the sheets

02:04:49.800 Dude

02:04:50.400 One time

02:04:50.960 This girl

02:04:51.760 Had stayed over

02:04:52.920 With me at a hotel

02:04:53.700 This awesome girl

02:04:54.700 And she

02:04:56.720 Had gotten her

02:04:58.000 Menstrual cycle

02:04:58.880 Yeah

02:04:59.360 And

02:05:00.220 I didn't know

02:05:02.780 I had to go to

02:05:03.800 The cleaning lady

02:05:04.500 And say like

02:05:05.200 Hey you know

02:05:05.740 I don't know what to do

02:05:06.720 Do I

02:05:07.320 Pay for this

02:05:08.820 You know

02:05:09.140 Oh that's nice of you

02:05:10.200 Whatever

02:05:10.700 You know

02:05:11.440 Oh they got it

02:05:12.700 And she was like

02:05:14.040 I don't know where

02:05:14.700 She was from

02:05:15.120 Another country right

02:05:16.000 And so I didn't know

02:05:17.280 What

02:05:17.460 I was like

02:05:17.900 Trying to like

02:05:18.540 I was like

02:05:19.440 The

02:05:21.100 And I was just like

02:05:23.280 How does he

02:05:24.420 You know

02:05:26.360 Yes

02:05:26.740 Yes

02:05:27.160 And uh

02:05:28.160 And I don't think

02:05:30.320 She understood

02:05:30.720 I did give her 20 bucks

02:05:31.860 Yeah yeah

02:05:32.600 That's good

02:05:33.100 Throw 20 on if it's messy

02:05:34.600 And looks like a crime scene

02:05:35.740 Like yeah

02:05:36.380 Hush money

02:05:37.260 So what do you think

02:05:38.340 Is gonna happen

02:05:38.960 Cause I was in

02:05:40.040 Santa Monica the other day

02:05:41.280 Having breakfast

02:05:41.880 With my friend

02:05:42.560 Who we've talked about

02:05:44.340 Having a kid together also

02:05:45.500 And uh

02:05:47.380 She

02:05:48.160 Oh and a parade went by

02:05:50.300 A

02:05:50.840 Get out of our pussy parade

02:05:53.100 It was like a

02:05:54.180 Yeah

02:05:54.380 Protesting parade

02:05:55.080 Yeah

02:05:55.280 And it was really cool

02:05:56.320 To see people protest

02:05:57.320 And it was real crazy

02:05:58.160 That was really cool

02:05:59.120 Um

02:06:00.400 Is get out of our pussy

02:06:02.380 Talking to men

02:06:03.580 Or talking to the baby

02:06:04.480 That they have in there

02:06:06.420 That's a good question

02:06:07.980 It's gonna be both man

02:06:09.060 Okay so a parade's going by

02:06:11.520 You're with this lady

02:06:12.260 That you might have a baby with

02:06:13.480 As

02:06:13.760 And as

02:06:14.640 Just as friend

02:06:15.400 Friends

02:06:15.700 I like it

02:06:16.300 Okay

02:06:16.540 And uh

02:06:17.920 And yeah

02:06:19.340 This lady

02:06:19.880 I mean there was a lady

02:06:21.220 Just screaming

02:06:22.680 Get out my pussy

02:06:24.560 You know

02:06:25.920 Get out my pussy

02:06:27.640 And I was like

02:06:30.100 I could not even imagine

02:06:31.040 Anybody ever being

02:06:32.040 In this lady's

02:06:33.180 Yeah

02:06:34.320 Vagina ever

02:06:35.160 Yes

02:06:35.480 But I'm not saying

02:06:36.140 That it hasn't

02:06:36.720 And I'm not saying

02:06:37.180 I have no idea

02:06:37.760 What her life is like

02:06:38.560 But

02:06:39.700 I was like

02:06:42.060 Whatever

02:06:42.480 Whatever gets out of her pussy

02:06:44.320 I wish it would get

02:06:45.100 Into her mouth

02:06:45.680 Because

02:06:46.220 This lady is

02:06:47.760 Fucking

02:06:48.420 Yeah

02:06:48.760 Sometimes it's

02:06:49.660 Like

02:06:50.000 I think that women

02:06:50.900 Get so mad

02:06:52.300 That

02:06:53.400 They feel like

02:06:55.360 It's like

02:06:55.680 Trying to silence us

02:06:56.700 And you know

02:06:57.500 Put

02:06:57.800 And control us

02:06:59.100 So like

02:06:59.480 What's the opposite

02:07:00.100 Of that

02:07:00.560 Being so loud

02:07:02.360 Being so offensive

02:07:03.680 Like

02:07:04.820 Doing

02:07:05.600 Doing the opposite

02:07:06.620 Like I don't know

02:07:07.360 When I was

02:07:07.980 I was on the road

02:07:08.540 With Burt

02:07:08.980 When Roe v. Wade

02:07:10.020 Got overturned

02:07:10.720 And I

02:07:11.200 Had already

02:07:11.700 Had planned

02:07:12.280 On taking my shirt off

02:07:13.080 At some point

02:07:13.460 On the tour

02:07:13.900 With Burt

02:07:14.400 As just like

02:07:14.880 An homage to Burt

02:07:15.840 Just like a funny thing

02:07:17.020 That

02:07:17.220 Because he kind of

02:07:17.980 Joked like

02:07:18.380 It would be funny

02:07:18.800 If you took your shirt off

02:07:19.540 And I was like

02:07:20.020 Oh yeah

02:07:21.040 Like I'd never do that

02:07:21.800 But I was like

02:07:22.140 I would do that

02:07:22.780 That's kind of funny

02:07:23.240 And then Roe v. Wade

02:07:24.200 Got overturned

02:07:25.140 And I don't know

02:07:25.580 We were in the south

02:07:26.760 And it was kind of like

02:07:27.600 I think I told

02:07:28.560 Someone on his tour

02:07:29.740 Like I might

02:07:30.320 Like take my top

02:07:31.460 And they're like

02:07:32.100 You have to

02:07:32.520 Cover your nipples

02:07:33.400 Like

02:07:33.700 Like it's

02:07:34.440 We could go to jail

02:07:35.680 Like you could get

02:07:36.500 Arrested for that

02:07:37.060 And for some reason

02:07:38.120 That like

02:07:38.760 So Burt can show

02:07:40.500 His nipples

02:07:40.920 But I can't

02:07:41.640 Like it made me mad

02:07:42.640 And I kind of

02:07:43.220 And I ended up

02:07:43.940 Taking my shirt

02:07:44.660 And it was just

02:07:45.380 To make Burt laugh

02:07:46.320 And like

02:07:46.660 Make everyone laugh

02:07:47.620 But it was like

02:07:48.860 There was something

02:07:49.620 About it being naughty

02:07:50.660 And being like

02:07:51.440 It's

02:07:52.560 First of all

02:07:53.500 I didn't want anyone

02:07:54.200 To think I was doing it

02:07:54.900 Because I want to

02:07:55.440 Like look hot

02:07:56.480 Or like want to titillate

02:07:57.460 I was really doing it

02:07:58.340 For laughs

02:07:58.940 And just a fun thing

02:08:00.320 But it felt

02:08:01.240 A little bit like

02:08:02.400 Fuck you

02:08:03.580 Like sorry if you

02:08:04.500 If you're turned on by me

02:08:05.840 Or if these are like

02:08:06.680 A burden to you

02:08:07.580 Like it felt like

02:08:08.620 A fuck you

02:08:09.120 In a way that it didn't intend

02:08:10.120 Kind of like a bra burning

02:08:11.260 Like I'm gonna be loud

02:08:12.880 And proud

02:08:13.460 And like

02:08:13.900 Sorry if this makes you

02:08:15.000 Uncomfortable

02:08:15.280 Sorry if there are kids here

02:08:16.420 Look at my fucking tits

02:08:17.680 And I had a bra on

02:08:18.800 And it was totally covered

02:08:19.520 But there was something

02:08:20.600 About like man

02:08:21.160 If I wanted to take

02:08:21.980 My shirt off

02:08:22.340 And show my nipples

02:08:22.800 I couldn't

02:08:23.340 That's kind of weird

02:08:24.160 That is weird to me

02:08:25.760 That like

02:08:26.060 That's super weird

02:08:26.920 There's like

02:08:27.940 They've

02:08:28.600 On TV

02:08:29.680 I think there was like

02:08:30.600 A trans person

02:08:31.840 Getting top surgery

02:08:33.220 And they like

02:08:35.540 You know

02:08:35.780 As they're

02:08:36.280 Before surgery

02:08:37.080 Flat chested

02:08:38.420 Pre-op

02:08:39.400 They show the whole nipple

02:08:40.660 And everything

02:08:41.000 The second they put

02:08:41.820 An implant in

02:08:42.580 Blur

02:08:43.120 Like the second

02:08:44.240 It becomes a woman's tit

02:08:45.620 Wow

02:08:46.100 Not okay

02:08:46.820 And there's just

02:08:47.700 And I get it

02:08:48.380 Because it is distracting

02:08:50.100 Like we don't want

02:08:52.020 To turn men on

02:08:52.960 And like

02:08:53.440 They're

02:08:53.760 I'm not

02:08:55.620 I'm not saying

02:08:56.560 But you gotta get

02:08:56.680 Some tit out there

02:08:57.700 But yeah

02:08:58.240 I really do feel like

02:08:59.400 There's something in me

02:09:00.500 That's like man

02:09:01.080 I wanna fucking do

02:09:01.880 A topless special

02:09:02.660 Not because I wanna be like

02:09:03.800 Look at my awesome tits

02:09:04.760 But to be like

02:09:05.400 Yeah

02:09:06.000 Fucking deal with it

02:09:06.920 And if Bert can do it

02:09:08.660 And it is freeing

02:09:09.880 It's fun to take

02:09:10.800 Your shirt off on stage

02:09:11.560 There's something

02:09:11.900 So vulnerable about it

02:09:13.160 Like we were talking

02:09:13.520 About stripping

02:09:14.060 There's something like

02:09:14.900 I don't fucking care

02:09:16.140 What you guys think of me

02:09:16.920 Take me in

02:09:17.660 Look at me

02:09:18.140 I like myself

02:09:19.060 There's something

02:09:20.120 Yeah

02:09:20.820 There was something about it

02:09:22.300 That wasn't

02:09:23.460 Look at me

02:09:23.980 I'm hot

02:09:24.520 It was a little bit

02:09:25.440 Of a fuck you

02:09:26.100 And I don't know

02:09:26.680 How to define that

02:09:28.140 I love that

02:09:28.740 But I think I had

02:09:29.340 Something in common

02:09:29.940 With that fucking woman

02:09:30.860 Screaming

02:09:31.320 Get out of my pussy

02:09:32.760 Yeah

02:09:33.960 Yeah that is funny

02:09:36.220 When you go

02:09:36.580 I don't even think

02:09:37.500 You could carry a child

02:09:38.460 At your age

02:09:39.600 But like I like it

02:09:40.660 No one's talking

02:09:41.600 About your pussy

02:09:42.340 And they haven't

02:09:43.400 For a while

02:09:43.880 But I like that

02:09:45.360 You're so upset about it

02:09:46.500 And you're making

02:09:47.320 You're ruining my lunch

02:09:48.980 That's a

02:09:49.560 You know what

02:09:50.080 And now that I

02:09:50.660 Now that I hear you say that

02:09:51.660 I'm like you're right

02:09:52.420 You're like

02:09:52.780 If you're gonna protest

02:09:53.760 It has to be

02:09:54.920 It has to be annoying

02:09:55.640 Right

02:09:56.260 It has to be in your face

02:09:57.180 Like I always

02:09:58.380 I'm vegan

02:09:58.960 And I post vegan shit

02:10:00.180 All the time

02:10:00.780 Then I'll say this

02:10:01.440 That lady did a fucking good job

02:10:02.760 Yeah

02:10:02.980 We're talking about it now

02:10:03.980 Like it's making

02:10:04.880 It

02:10:05.340 Cause as a vegan

02:10:07.140 Like I

02:10:07.800 I fucking used to hate vegans

02:10:09.380 They're so annoying

02:10:10.160 I thought they always thought

02:10:10.900 They were better than us

02:10:11.600 Constantly reminding us

02:10:12.760 Of like animal suffering

02:10:14.060 Putting things in your face

02:10:15.400 That you're like

02:10:15.740 Jesus Christ

02:10:16.640 And then one day

02:10:17.880 It fucking worked

02:10:18.560 They got through

02:10:19.680 They were annoying enough

02:10:20.740 That I go

02:10:21.340 Honestly I can't deny this anymore

02:10:22.740 I gotta go vegan

02:10:23.480 So I

02:10:24.080 I post it all the time

02:10:25.600 And

02:10:26.140 It is a little shamey

02:10:27.780 Of like

02:10:28.100 Listen

02:10:28.540 Listen I was one to you too

02:10:29.580 I used to think this way

02:10:30.800 I used to be in denial of it

02:10:31.860 But tell me

02:10:33.060 Watch this video

02:10:33.780 And try to eat a pig

02:10:34.860 Today

02:10:35.260 Later today

02:10:35.800 And see what happens

02:10:36.780 So because it worked on me

02:10:38.620 People being obnoxious

02:10:39.700 I used to make fun of vegans

02:10:40.660 I used to fucking hate them

02:10:41.600 Resent them

02:10:42.260 Oh god

02:10:42.860 And now I'm one of them

02:10:44.400 And it's because

02:10:45.020 They were so obnoxious

02:10:46.380 So you gotta be loud

02:10:47.540 That's a good point

02:10:48.900 You gotta be loud

02:10:49.560 You gotta be annoying

02:10:50.080 You gotta have people

02:10:50.780 Hate what you're doing

02:10:51.800 Cause otherwise

02:10:52.220 You're not gonna get noticed

02:10:53.240 Yeah

02:10:53.920 Especially these days

02:10:55.840 But it's hard

02:10:56.580 Because all I want

02:10:57.420 Is to be liked

02:10:58.120 I don't ever want

02:10:59.340 To be annoying

02:10:59.880 I hate that

02:11:00.900 I know huh

02:11:02.220 I never want to be

02:11:03.180 People think like

02:11:04.180 She thinks she's cool

02:11:05.800 Or like

02:11:06.300 She thinks she's

02:11:07.380 Yeah I just

02:11:08.600 I

02:11:08.820 And it's

02:11:09.840 You know

02:11:10.820 It's ironic

02:11:11.440 Because I

02:11:11.980 Talk into a microphone

02:11:13.340 For a living

02:11:13.800 And no one else

02:11:14.420 Can talk

02:11:15.240 And I

02:11:15.540 Make people listen to me

02:11:17.160 But I'm so scared

02:11:17.980 Of people thinking

02:11:18.680 That

02:11:19.040 I'm annoying

02:11:20.920 Or that I want attention

02:11:22.000 Or something

02:11:22.360 When clearly I fucking do

02:11:23.520 I know

02:11:24.320 That's fascinating

02:11:27.160 Well it used to be

02:11:28.400 A different level

02:11:29.140 Of manageability

02:11:29.820 Before there was

02:11:30.460 Social media stuff

02:11:31.100 It was just like

02:11:31.820 I'm good at my craft

02:11:33.180 Come see me do it

02:11:34.360 And now

02:11:35.240 Every time you put

02:11:35.880 Something out

02:11:36.340 There's a risk

02:11:37.220 That it's like

02:11:38.980 Maybe

02:11:39.660 They'll see

02:11:41.240 That I'm not

02:11:42.980 And they won't

02:11:43.620 Come see me do

02:11:44.400 What I'm actually good at

02:11:45.440 I don't post any

02:11:46.300 Stand up clips

02:11:46.860 Literally none

02:11:47.580 I've done

02:11:48.340 Three hour specials

02:11:50.120 Four half hour specials

02:11:51.620 Like I have hours

02:11:52.360 Of stand up

02:11:52.800 I could be all over

02:11:54.000 TikTok

02:11:54.340 I could kill it

02:11:55.520 With my clips

02:11:56.120 I cannot put them

02:11:57.320 Out there

02:11:57.500 Because I'm scared

02:11:58.300 That they're gonna

02:11:59.000 Look closely

02:11:59.580 And see I'm actually

02:12:00.400 Not talented

02:12:01.000 Whereas if you just

02:12:02.540 See trailers for things

02:12:04.680 Or you see pictures

02:12:05.600 Of me doing stand up

02:12:06.400 Who knows

02:12:07.520 I could be the fucking

02:12:08.240 I know I'm funny

02:12:09.660 I know I kill

02:12:10.600 I

02:12:10.980 But then there's

02:12:12.220 A part of me

02:12:13.320 That thinks I'm

02:12:13.940 An imposter

02:12:14.860 You know

02:12:15.300 And that I'm a charlatan

02:12:16.200 That I'm tricking people

02:12:17.200 Yeah

02:12:17.560 So

02:12:18.420 And it's scary for me

02:12:19.600 To even admit that

02:12:20.220 Because I'm like

02:12:20.560 Please don't go look closely

02:12:21.540 Please

02:12:21.940 Just think I'm funny

02:12:22.920 Like don't go analyze it

02:12:24.320 Yeah

02:12:25.280 I do the same thing

02:12:26.120 To comics

02:12:26.640 Like you know

02:12:27.300 You watch some comics

02:12:28.240 And you go

02:12:28.640 God this fucking guy sucks

02:12:30.220 And look at all his tricks

02:12:31.340 And you're like

02:12:32.100 I'm scared of people

02:12:33.080 Doing the same thing

02:12:33.700 That I do

02:12:34.200 I gotta work on

02:12:35.160 What I do

02:12:35.820 And my judgment of people

02:12:36.760 And then the self

02:12:37.660 And then me worrying

02:12:39.600 About what everyone else

02:12:40.400 Thinks will go away

02:12:41.340 If I stop

02:12:42.080 Because I'm just

02:12:42.820 Doing

02:12:43.260 I'm scared of doing

02:12:44.280 Of people doing to me

02:12:45.460 Exactly what I do to them

02:12:46.520 Damn

02:12:47.720 Right

02:12:48.580 Yeah look

02:12:49.220 I appreciate your honesty

02:12:50.240 Were we ever gonna date

02:12:51.560 I don't think we ever were

02:12:52.420 We never even talked about it

02:12:53.540 No

02:12:53.820 And it's like

02:12:55.600 But I've always like

02:12:58.220 Just

02:12:59.000 I mean you're the funniest

02:12:59.860 Fucking person

02:13:00.520 And you're real as fuck

02:13:02.120 And I love that you

02:13:03.120 You're like

02:13:03.940 Anyone who's in recovery

02:13:05.480 And struggles with that shit

02:13:06.900 I'm like

02:13:07.580 So

02:13:08.180 Yeah

02:13:08.700 I'm just like so into it

02:13:10.040 And cause it's like

02:13:10.740 We have to operate

02:13:11.340 On a different level of honesty

02:13:12.520 Than

02:13:12.860 A lot of our peers

02:13:14.860 Like you think you're honest

02:13:16.340 And then you get in recovery

02:13:17.120 And you're like

02:13:17.520 Well

02:13:17.800 I wasn't really

02:13:19.020 And I think it's like

02:13:20.720 Carried over into my stand up

02:13:22.480 I don't know if it helps

02:13:23.400 Sometimes though

02:13:24.300 What do you mean?

02:13:25.440 Because it gives you more stuff

02:13:26.780 To evaluate your stuff on

02:13:28.600 Like

02:13:29.500 Or doing podcasting

02:13:30.640 Sometimes it's like

02:13:31.240 Man

02:13:31.480 Now there's so much more

02:13:32.740 Like

02:13:33.160 You know

02:13:33.860 Sometimes I used to think

02:13:34.500 I was being kind of like

02:13:35.620 I'm sharing what's going on

02:13:37.360 With myself

02:13:37.880 Yeah

02:13:38.120 And then

02:13:38.460 Then when I get really like

02:13:40.000 Judgmental

02:13:40.800 It's like of myself

02:13:41.800 Or like in fear

02:13:42.780 It's like

02:13:43.240 Man

02:13:44.020 Look at all this

02:13:44.820 I can't believe I did this

02:13:46.300 To like

02:13:46.760 I put all this out

02:13:47.740 That you know

02:13:48.080 It's like

02:13:48.560 I don't know

02:13:49.460 It gives like

02:13:50.600 It gives that fear

02:13:53.820 Another like punch

02:13:55.460 Of like

02:13:56.020 You shouldn't have done this

02:13:57.720 You know

02:13:58.140 Yes

02:13:58.800 You're too overexposed

02:14:00.380 And then they use it against you

02:14:01.940 Sometimes you'll get vulnerable

02:14:03.040 And say something

02:14:03.740 That like

02:14:04.040 You're like

02:14:04.280 You know what

02:14:04.660 I'm gonna put this out there

02:14:05.680 And

02:14:06.040 Share this thing

02:14:08.220 I don't usually share

02:14:09.020 Cause I'm with my friend

02:14:10.020 And it just feels safe

02:14:10.840 And then

02:14:11.180 You find that fans

02:14:12.560 Will watch that

02:14:13.180 And the second they get

02:14:13.900 They start using it against

02:14:16.000 They'll say like

02:14:16.880 We're worried about you

02:14:17.720 Are you suicidal again

02:14:18.780 Like you said

02:14:19.340 You were on Rogan

02:14:20.420 Or like

02:14:20.880 And then you go

02:14:21.900 Or they'll

02:14:23.640 You know

02:14:24.920 Yeah

02:14:25.140 I just have found

02:14:26.500 That sharing too much

02:14:27.460 I forget

02:14:28.480 I share certain stuff

02:14:29.440 And then it comes back

02:14:30.120 To haunt me

02:14:30.660 With fans

02:14:31.340 Just knowing too much

02:14:32.240 And they don't

02:14:32.720 They shouldn't know things

02:14:33.740 Only my best friends

02:14:34.860 Or my sponsors

02:14:36.000 Know

02:14:36.760 But for some reason

02:14:37.660 I'm giving them that

02:14:38.480 Why

02:14:38.820 And why wouldn't

02:14:40.660 They feel close to me

02:14:41.520 Of course they would

02:14:42.500 They're listening

02:14:43.560 In their ear

02:14:44.340 To me say like

02:14:45.240 Things that

02:14:45.980 Their closest friends

02:14:46.880 Don't even tell them

02:14:47.800 Of course they feel like

02:14:49.220 They

02:14:49.480 They're worried about me

02:14:50.760 I hate when people

02:14:51.340 Worry about me

02:14:52.300 Man

02:14:52.660 Fuck

02:14:52.940 Oh yeah

02:14:53.540 Isn't that the fucking worst

02:14:54.780 Yeah it's like

02:14:55.380 I'll fucking worry about me

02:14:56.540 You idiot

02:14:57.000 Yeah

02:14:57.300 Yeah

02:14:57.720 I worry

02:14:58.220 You don't know me

02:14:59.220 And you're trying to get

02:14:59.960 Closer to me

02:15:00.740 By

02:15:01.020 And I get it

02:15:01.760 I've been worried about

02:15:02.500 Oh you think that's it

02:15:02.800 It's like

02:15:03.620 I'll fucking worry about me

02:15:04.820 You know

02:15:05.160 It's like

02:15:05.460 I'm the one who worries about me

02:15:07.180 That's where my thought is

02:15:08.420 It's just like

02:15:08.880 I've worried about me this long

02:15:10.320 Yeah

02:15:10.760 I don't need you to come do it

02:15:11.980 That's where my thought goes

02:15:12.960 And it strikes me as pity

02:15:14.280 And it strikes me as someone

02:15:15.300 Like talking about me

02:15:16.180 Behind my back

02:15:16.760 Me being like

02:15:17.620 I don't know

02:15:18.820 I just like

02:15:19.340 Growing up in high school

02:15:20.740 And having like

02:15:21.300 An eating disorder

02:15:21.980 Always having people

02:15:22.860 Having meetings

02:15:23.480 Behind your back

02:15:24.120 Of like

02:15:24.420 What are we gonna do

02:15:25.100 About Nikki

02:15:25.560 Like

02:15:25.840 And then finding out later

02:15:27.240 Like the whole school

02:15:28.120 Is meeting about me

02:15:29.040 And all my friends

02:15:29.740 Are having conferences

02:15:30.620 With my parents

02:15:31.540 And like

02:15:32.040 That kind of shit

02:15:33.240 But yet if you'd have been

02:15:33.580 Eating one wiener

02:15:35.240 Nobody would have said

02:15:36.220 You know what I'm saying

02:15:36.720 There's no conference

02:15:37.340 Maybe I would have done a demo

02:15:37.980 In the fucking living room

02:15:39.320 In front of our parents

02:15:40.820 Yeah

02:15:41.880 But there's no conference

02:15:43.280 About that

02:15:43.880 You know what I'm saying

02:15:44.380 No there's never

02:15:45.040 So you're starved

02:15:45.940 From nutrition

02:15:47.040 People are like

02:15:47.720 We gotta discuss this

02:15:49.000 Yeah

02:15:49.220 I was getting too hot

02:15:50.280 But you're out there

02:15:51.360 Carving up

02:15:52.220 On frickin'

02:15:52.760 Little Henry's nut bag

02:15:54.280 Nobody says a word

02:15:56.460 Any more news

02:15:57.400 We gotta discuss

02:15:58.120 Zach

02:15:58.420 Or what

02:15:58.920 I mean

02:16:00.660 You kinda hit the big hits

02:16:01.680 I can pull something else

02:16:02.580 The big hits

02:16:03.240 We got Doja

02:16:04.000 Doja Cat Slime

02:16:05.900 And that Roe versus Wade

02:16:06.900 I just wonder

02:16:07.560 If it's gonna go

02:16:08.400 All the way through

02:16:09.160 I just

02:16:09.600 I wonder if this is also

02:16:11.140 Becoming a thing

02:16:12.140 Where it's like

02:16:12.960 Everything's kind of

02:16:14.520 Not working now

02:16:15.860 It's like

02:16:16.200 The airlines aren't working

02:16:18.080 Right

02:16:18.480 Like everything

02:16:20.040 The post office

02:16:21.420 Doesn't work anymore

02:16:22.620 Yeah

02:16:23.040 It's like

02:16:23.760 Every kind of like

02:16:25.100 System

02:16:25.660 The environment

02:16:26.000 Right

02:16:26.820 Yeah

02:16:27.660 Like the air outside

02:16:29.140 It's so

02:16:29.980 So hot

02:16:31.460 Yeah

02:16:31.780 And this is

02:16:32.760 Just the beginning

02:16:33.820 It's fucking scary

02:16:35.020 Everything's breaking down

02:16:36.720 Yeah

02:16:37.980 And we're all kinda

02:16:38.680 Just like

02:16:39.160 Pretending that it's not

02:16:40.800 Like

02:16:40.960 We're joking about it

02:16:42.460 We're like

02:16:42.980 Commenting on it

02:16:43.960 Here and there

02:16:44.660 But it is

02:16:45.580 Terrifying

02:16:46.800 Things are fall

02:16:47.540 Like it's like

02:16:48.280 It feels like

02:16:49.700 Or also

02:16:50.760 Things are just

02:16:52.140 Kinda going along

02:16:53.440 And there's so much

02:16:54.780 Media

02:16:55.440 That is about fear

02:16:57.020 Yeah

02:16:57.720 That's what

02:16:58.640 I can't

02:16:59.300 I can't figure out

02:17:00.780 Which one it is

02:17:02.540 I think it's probably

02:17:03.620 A mixture of both

02:17:05.080 But I think for

02:17:05.680 I don't know

02:17:06.940 It's

02:17:07.360 I really don't wanna read

02:17:09.160 About the climate anymore

02:17:10.060 There's no good news

02:17:11.580 There's never any

02:17:12.620 Fucking

02:17:12.940 Good news

02:17:13.940 About polar bears

02:17:14.760 There's never an animal

02:17:15.800 News story that like

02:17:16.920 Makes you feel good

02:17:18.900 No

02:17:19.240 There's maybe like

02:17:20.200 That dodo account

02:17:21.100 Or whatever

02:17:21.380 And you read about

02:17:21.900 A rehabilitated pit bull

02:17:23.100 Or something

02:17:23.500 Or like a

02:17:24.240 Fucking donkey

02:17:25.140 Who's friends with a peacock

02:17:25.980 Oh yeah

02:17:26.000 They had two parrots

02:17:26.880 The other day

02:17:27.380 Had two parrots

02:17:28.100 Killing a cat on twitter

02:17:29.260 Yeah

02:17:30.000 I mean

02:17:30.400 It's

02:17:31.000 Just fucking unreal

02:17:31.880 It's so hot

02:17:32.800 Thinking about having a kid

02:17:34.200 I'm sorry

02:17:35.120 I'm

02:17:35.480 You can't not have a kid

02:17:37.360 Because it's so hot

02:17:38.380 Honestly

02:17:38.720 Get your fucking lazy ass off

02:17:40.420 You can't not have a kid

02:17:42.180 Because it's hot out

02:17:42.680 It's too hot to have a kid

02:17:43.880 They're not gonna be able to go outside

02:17:45.040 And you're gonna have to hang out with them

02:17:45.980 All the fucking time

02:17:47.080 That's what

02:17:48.180 Listen

02:17:48.860 This isn't about me being like

02:17:50.360 My child will never get to

02:17:51.740 Experience a safari

02:17:53.700 And get to swim in the ocean

02:17:55.560 It's like

02:17:55.980 I'm just

02:17:56.860 I don't wanna deal with a child

02:17:58.080 During like the end times

02:17:59.380 And I don't

02:18:00.000 I don't wanna go

02:18:01.400 I don't wanna be around a kid

02:18:02.340 24 hours a day

02:18:03.160 In a fucking bunker

02:18:04.160 Without electricity

02:18:06.420 That would suck

02:18:08.800 Would suck so much

02:18:09.760 Get out my bunker

02:18:10.960 Yeah

02:18:11.500 That's what I would be yelling

02:18:12.780 Yeah

02:18:13.160 Those are the kids

02:18:14.300 We need to get rid of

02:18:15.120 Like four year olds

02:18:16.300 Who cares about the damn zygotes

02:18:18.920 I'm like

02:18:20.440 Have you spent 40 minutes

02:18:22.240 With a two year old

02:18:23.240 That's

02:18:24.120 We need like a two year after pill

02:18:26.060 Dude

02:18:26.640 That's the motherfucker

02:18:28.000 I can't stand

02:18:28.900 Oh my god

02:18:29.360 Yeah

02:18:30.360 I wanna adopt like a teenager

02:18:32.060 Yeah

02:18:32.740 I think I'd be a great mom

02:18:34.060 For like a

02:18:34.560 Eight and up

02:18:36.280 I wanna talk to kids about life

02:18:37.660 I wanna like

02:18:38.200 Listen to their feelings

02:18:39.200 I just

02:18:39.800 I can't

02:18:40.260 I don't wanna play

02:18:41.440 I don't really wanna play

02:18:42.500 I don't wanna go outside

02:18:43.400 It's too fucking hot

02:18:45.640 Too hot to adopt

02:18:47.980 That's your new special

02:18:49.140 That has to be your new special

02:18:50.340 I love it

02:18:51.020 She has a new special

02:18:52.840 Coming up on HBO Max

02:18:54.900 It's called

02:18:55.400 Good Clean Filth

02:18:56.460 Comes out July 16th

02:18:58.240 On Saturday

02:18:58.680 It'll be

02:18:59.220 It's on HBO

02:19:00.060 On Saturday

02:19:00.940 July 16th

02:19:01.660 And then it'll be on HBO Max

02:19:02.700 And then yeah

02:19:03.300 F-Boy Island season 2

02:19:04.540 F-Boy Island season 2

02:19:06.040 Yeah

02:19:06.280 And I have a daily podcast

02:19:08.320 And a daily podcast too

02:19:09.820 Yeah

02:19:10.200 Monday through Thursday

02:19:11.180 Nikki Glaser podcast

02:19:12.160 Wow it's daily too huh

02:19:13.520 Yeah

02:19:13.760 Because weekly

02:19:14.820 I don't know

02:19:15.400 Every time they would come up

02:19:16.920 I'd be like

02:19:17.240 Oh god

02:19:18.040 Fuck another

02:19:18.700 Like

02:19:18.980 It would just

02:19:19.980 It would feel like I'd do one

02:19:21.240 And then be like

02:19:21.600 Yes I get a break

02:19:22.340 And then the next one

02:19:23.100 Would just show up

02:19:23.940 And I'd be like

02:19:24.320 God

02:19:24.620 So I was just like

02:19:25.220 Just make this every day

02:19:26.120 So it's not something you dread

02:19:27.520 It's just the way life is

02:19:29.140 And I love it

02:19:30.440 It's my favorite thing

02:19:31.580 To do

02:19:33.320 Yeah

02:19:34.000 It's good

02:19:35.900 I'm grateful you're here

02:19:36.840 Thanks so much for coming

02:19:37.680 I'm grateful that you're here

02:19:38.460 Thank you for having me Theo

02:19:39.400 Yeah it's a lot of fun

02:19:40.300 I really appreciate it

02:19:41.040 So fun

02:19:41.600 Nikki Glaser

02:19:42.640 Now I'm just floating on the breeze

02:19:46.380 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves

02:19:49.340 I must be cornerstone

02:19:52.660 Oh but when I reach that ground

02:19:57.220 I'll share this peace of mind

02:19:59.380 I found I can feel it

02:20:01.440 In my bones

02:20:03.220 But it's gonna take

02:20:06.480 A little time

02:20:09.220 For me to set that parking brake

02:20:13.080 And let myself unwind

02:20:15.840 Shine that light on me

02:20:19.840 I'll sit and tell you my stories

02:20:25.540 Shine on me

02:20:29.540 Shine on me

02:20:30.540 And I will find a song

02:20:34.760 I will sing it just for you

02:20:38.400 And I've been moving way too fast

02:20:45.700 On the runaway train

02:20:47.080 With a heavy load of my past

02:20:50.540 And these rails that I've been riding on

02:20:56.160 They're worn so thin that they're damn near gone

02:20:58.920 I guess now they just work

02:21:00.700 Ladies and gentlemen

02:21:03.740 I'm Jonathan Kite

02:21:04.940 And welcome to Kite Club

02:21:06.260 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events

02:21:09.920 Stand-up stories

02:21:11.140 And seven ways to pleasure your partner

02:21:13.460 The answer may shock you

02:21:15.360 Sometimes I'll interview my friends

02:21:17.380 Sometimes I won't

02:21:18.700 And as always

02:21:20.240 I'll be joined by the voices in my head

02:21:22.200 You have three new voice messages

02:21:25.040 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club

02:21:28.060 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long

02:21:30.860 Longer than anybody else

02:21:32.500 So great

02:21:33.300 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me

02:21:52.680 Anyway

02:21:53.120 First rule of Kite Club is

02:21:55.080 Tell everyone about Kite Club

02:21:56.800 Second rule of Kite Club is

02:21:58.740 Tell everyone about Kite Club

02:22:00.960 Third rule

02:22:01.760 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts

02:22:04.380 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

02:22:07.000 And yes, don't worry

02:22:08.040 My Brad Pitt impression will get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - July 19, 2022

E401 Nikki Glaser

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