This Past Weekend with Theo Von

00:00:00.000 We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.

00:00:02.300 Rocky's vacation, here we come.

00:00:05.060 Whoa, is this economy?

00:00:07.180 Free beer, wine, and snacks.

00:00:09.620 Sweet!

00:00:10.720 Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.

00:00:14.760 And with live TV, I'm not missing the game.

00:00:17.800 It's kind of like, I'm already on vacation.

00:00:20.980 Nice!

00:00:22.140 On behalf of Air Canada, nice travels.

00:00:25.260 Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on Equipped Flight.

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00:00:28.580 See AirCanada.com.

00:00:30.000 If you haven't heard already, it's smooth sack summer.

00:00:33.980 People are doing it ball bags everywhere, smooth as could be.

00:00:36.900 Man, you could barely hear the wind pass over them

00:00:39.860 if somebody's got their balls out by the wind.

00:00:43.840 When you're playing in the summer sun, make sure you're scaped

00:00:46.420 from pubes to bum with Manscaped.

00:00:50.740 The leaders in Below the Belt Grooming,

00:00:53.240 they are making sure we all have a ball this summer

00:00:56.680 by giving our partners everything they need to stay fresh.

00:01:00.760 Dive headfirst into smooth sack summer

00:01:05.220 by going to Manscaped.com for 20% off

00:01:09.060 plus free shipping with our code THEO.

00:01:12.740 That's right, Manscaped.com for 20% off

00:01:15.220 plus free shipping with our code THEO

00:01:17.820 for everything Below the Belt Grooming.

00:01:19.920 It's smooth sack summer, boys.

00:01:21.900 Get on board or get left behind.

00:01:24.180 I want to let you know I'm upstairs

00:01:26.520 with the return of the Rat Tour.

00:01:30.860 And I'll be coming to your city

00:01:32.820 October 11th and 12th.

00:01:35.500 Wichita, Kansas.

00:01:36.540 We added the 11th at the Orpheum Theater.

00:01:39.440 So get those tickets.

00:01:40.920 October 13th, Omaha, Nebraska.

00:01:43.460 And October 14th, Denver, Colorado.

00:01:46.300 The first show is sold out.

00:01:47.580 We've added a second.

00:01:49.360 We may even add another one.

00:01:50.820 Let's see how it goes.

00:01:52.040 Go to theovahn.com slash T-O-U-R

00:01:56.000 to get tickets and make sure you go through that link

00:01:59.000 so you get accurately priced tickets

00:02:01.360 and don't get hit with that upsell.

00:02:03.540 Thank you guys so much for your support.

00:02:05.080 I look forward to seeing you soon.

00:02:06.520 I want to let you know we have new

00:02:08.420 Be Good to Yourself tees

00:02:10.680 in new summertime colorways

00:02:12.500 like banana, salmon, and other colors.

00:02:16.160 Check those out and more at theovahnstore.com.

00:02:19.520 Thank you so much for your support.

00:02:21.420 Today's guest is a man that just,

00:02:25.860 I mean, just makes me feel so much dang joy

00:02:28.380 when he's around.

00:02:29.840 He just makes me sprout this damn,

00:02:32.580 just happy tits,

00:02:33.800 just lunge out of my chest when he's around.

00:02:38.040 He just brings that out of you.

00:02:41.100 He's a special guy.

00:02:42.980 He's originally from another continent

00:02:44.400 and he's always welcome here.

00:02:48.640 This is his fifth time on this past weekend.

00:02:51.180 You may know him from Mad TV,

00:02:53.520 from his countless film and television appearances,

00:02:55.460 or from his astounding podcasts,

00:02:59.900 Tiger Belly, and Bad Friends.

00:03:02.840 I'm grateful to spend time with him

00:03:04.920 and I'm grateful for him as a human.

00:03:07.780 Today's guest is Mr. Bobby Lee.

00:03:10.580 Shine that light on me

00:03:14.820 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:03:20.800 Shine on me

00:03:25.520 And I will find a song

00:03:29.760 I'll be singing

00:03:30.940 I love you.

00:03:31.640 Well, you know, when I get,

00:03:39.340 when I've dated white girls before,

00:03:40.660 every time I date a white girl,

00:03:41.900 it just feels a little extra special.

00:03:44.060 Really?

00:03:44.660 Yeah.

00:03:45.320 Like I won in some way.

00:03:46.840 Oh, yeah?

00:03:47.380 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:48.400 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:49.860 Do you, um,

00:03:51.260 why do you date a lot of whites or not?

00:03:53.280 I haven't had love,

00:03:54.140 I haven't made love to a white in years, dog.

00:03:56.980 Wow.

00:03:57.420 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:58.580 The first girl you ever made love to,

00:04:00.140 was she...

00:04:00.980 Fat.

00:04:01.760 No.

00:04:02.320 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:03.060 She was fat first.

00:04:04.900 Damn.

00:04:05.660 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:06.160 She was fat first.

00:04:06.900 Dude, I got food poisoned one time

00:04:08.440 hooking up with a big girl.

00:04:09.780 Did you really?

00:04:10.560 Yeah.

00:04:10.880 Salmonella?

00:04:11.380 No, I think she just had so much food in her

00:04:13.400 and it poisoned me somehow.

00:04:16.800 Oh, you ate that,

00:04:17.860 you ate the box.

00:04:18.620 No, no.

00:04:19.320 You ate the box, dude.

00:04:20.500 No, I didn't.

00:04:21.140 Did you eat the box?

00:04:22.280 Bro, there was no,

00:04:23.660 she wasn't leaving leftovers,

00:04:25.080 you know what I'm saying?

00:04:25.860 It was,

00:04:26.540 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:27.060 Everything had been,

00:04:27.980 had been kind of,

00:04:28.800 she was,

00:04:30.760 she,

00:04:31.260 there was,

00:04:32.100 she kept it all in,

00:04:33.120 you know?

00:04:33.480 Yeah.

00:04:34.100 But,

00:04:34.860 I mean,

00:04:35.160 I've always wanted to make love

00:04:36.120 to a plus size model.

00:04:37.400 Ooh,

00:04:37.800 I could see one there.

00:04:38.620 Yeah.

00:04:39.040 Like,

00:04:39.340 they're beautiful,

00:04:40.220 but there's more.

00:04:41.460 Oh, yeah.

00:04:42.100 There's more beauty.

00:04:43.560 Oh, yeah.

00:04:44.220 There's as much,

00:04:44.700 well,

00:04:44.840 there's a lot of,

00:04:45.520 like,

00:04:45.700 you see those plus size models

00:04:47.300 with the,

00:04:48.160 like,

00:04:50.100 a lot of them on the beach

00:04:51.060 and stuff now.

00:04:51.780 I like it.

00:04:52.500 Yeah.

00:04:52.800 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:53.340 Think about all the decades

00:04:54.720 when bigger women

00:04:55.520 just had to stay inside

00:04:56.760 and didn't want to go outside.

00:04:58.800 What do you mean?

00:05:00.020 It just breaks my heart

00:05:01.060 if you just,

00:05:01.600 like,

00:05:02.180 Now they can,

00:05:02.840 is what you're saying?

00:05:03.520 Well,

00:05:03.760 now it's more popular

00:05:04.820 bigger women being out and about

00:05:06.360 and being in bathing suits,

00:05:07.700 you know?

00:05:08.200 Well,

00:05:08.340 back in the day,

00:05:08.840 if you see,

00:05:09.200 like,

00:05:09.320 paintings at museums

00:05:10.460 and shit,

00:05:10.900 right,

00:05:11.100 that they used,

00:05:11.620 back in the day,

00:05:12.340 they used,

00:05:12.780 that was the sign of,

00:05:14.100 like,

00:05:14.240 beauty.

00:05:14.980 Oh, yeah.

00:05:15.620 You know what I mean?

00:05:16.020 Diabetes or whatever.

00:05:17.500 Rubenesque.

00:05:18.160 Yeah,

00:05:18.380 they liked it back then.

00:05:19.740 Yeah,

00:05:19.960 the lady would be laying by a stream

00:05:21.300 with,

00:05:21.540 like,

00:05:21.680 an apple or something

00:05:22.840 or a little ham.

00:05:23.640 It's always grapes,

00:05:24.500 right?

00:05:24.800 Yeah,

00:05:25.100 all that sugar.

00:05:26.540 Yeah.

00:05:27.180 Yeah,

00:05:27.500 all that sugar,

00:05:28.160 dude,

00:05:28.260 all that sugar,

00:05:28.900 dude,

00:05:29.080 yeah,

00:05:29.240 yeah,

00:05:29.660 yeah.

00:05:29.740 Dude,

00:05:30.000 I remember,

00:05:30.640 we used to go to the library

00:05:31.740 when I was young

00:05:33.760 and we'd look at those art,

00:05:35.920 you know,

00:05:36.160 I'd look at the art of the drawing.

00:05:38.280 Wait,

00:05:38.760 a library,

00:05:39.820 not a museum?

00:05:40.540 Oh,

00:05:40.760 no,

00:05:40.920 not a museum.

00:05:41.580 I feel like you've never been to a museum.

00:05:44.040 You've never been one.

00:05:44.860 You've never paid a ticket to go to a museum?

00:05:46.540 Oh,

00:05:46.740 I did go see Body World,

00:05:47.960 that thing where they cut people in half,

00:05:49.340 you know,

00:05:49.560 and they have their bodies in there.

00:05:50.860 That's not a fucking museum.

00:05:52.640 It's like a thing,

00:05:53.440 it seems like it is.

00:05:54.380 Yeah,

00:05:54.400 yeah,

00:05:54.460 it's like a one man.

00:05:55.480 You know,

00:05:55.840 those people are Chinese,

00:05:56.960 all the people that are in there.

00:05:58.960 What?

00:05:59.860 Yeah.

00:06:00.440 Well,

00:06:00.640 who's Chinese?

00:06:01.580 You know,

00:06:02.080 those people in the Body World exhibits

00:06:03.320 where they cut the bodies,

00:06:04.260 you can see inside the bodies

00:06:05.500 and it's all like.

00:06:06.520 Yeah,

00:06:06.720 I don't know what that is.

00:06:07.500 You bring that up.

00:06:10.320 Let me show you these people,

00:06:11.800 man.

00:06:12.180 Well,

00:06:12.300 it's like a snuff film or?

00:06:13.580 No,

00:06:13.940 no,

00:06:14.200 it's like an activity,

00:06:17.300 I guess.

00:06:18.600 So,

00:06:19.020 this is Body World,

00:06:20.040 you go.

00:06:20.860 Look at the bottom right.

00:06:21.940 You go.

00:06:23.820 Okay,

00:06:24.100 so that dude,

00:06:24.700 what you're telling me right now

00:06:25.720 is that dude's Chinese.

00:06:27.280 Yeah.

00:06:28.300 He just doesn't have any skin,

00:06:29.660 bro.

00:06:30.000 He won't.

00:06:31.040 I was just saying.

00:06:32.260 You know what I mean?

00:06:32.780 Just because they don't have no skin

00:06:33.680 doesn't make it look Chinese.

00:06:35.040 Do Chinese people look like

00:06:36.200 they have no skin?

00:06:37.040 Look at this guy.

00:06:37.840 Because it's yellow?

00:06:38.900 I'm not saying that,

00:06:40.140 man.

00:06:40.780 You are leading to that.

00:06:42.620 Yeah.

00:06:43.140 But that is,

00:06:44.900 I think that,

00:06:46.000 but these people,

00:06:46.780 they buy them out of China,

00:06:47.960 apparently,

00:06:48.380 because these are real bodies.

00:06:49.420 They just take some of the skin off.

00:06:51.440 Oh,

00:06:51.640 that's a real human being?

00:06:52.560 That's not like a clay thing?

00:06:54.240 No,

00:06:54.380 that's real.

00:06:55.220 Oh,

00:06:55.760 fuck,

00:06:56.120 dude.

00:06:56.820 That's Body World.

00:06:57.520 You can go see it

00:06:58.380 and some of them are like

00:06:59.300 on horseback.

00:07:01.260 There's all kind of stuff

00:07:01.960 they're doing.

00:07:02.380 Javelin.

00:07:02.600 Look at that one right there

00:07:03.280 with the javelin.

00:07:03.920 Look at that guy.

00:07:04.500 You're telling me that guy?

00:07:05.520 That's Chinese.

00:07:06.860 Yeah.

00:07:07.200 For sure.

00:07:09.000 And that dude is Chinese,

00:07:11.040 bro.

00:07:12.120 Look how Chinese he is.

00:07:13.560 He's so fucking Chinese

00:07:14.460 right now,

00:07:14.840 dude.

00:07:15.700 Damn,

00:07:15.980 and they sold him,

00:07:16.880 they sold his body

00:07:17.840 to this,

00:07:18.420 I mean,

00:07:18.680 it's just kind of crazy,

00:07:20.160 you know?

00:07:21.520 Yeah,

00:07:21.900 man.

00:07:22.720 Like,

00:07:22.940 there were still slaves,

00:07:24.620 not that I'm a proponent of that

00:07:26.540 or I support it,

00:07:27.720 but what,

00:07:28.360 like,

00:07:28.720 if you could get a slave,

00:07:29.720 where would you get it from?

00:07:32.180 That's a good question,

00:07:33.080 right?

00:07:33.600 Oh,

00:07:33.840 yeah.

00:07:34.260 Yeah.

00:07:34.520 I mean,

00:07:35.080 I've thought about this a lot.

00:07:38.620 My first instinct is Mexico.

00:07:41.340 Really?

00:07:41.840 Yeah.

00:07:42.760 I just feel like they work hard.

00:07:45.140 Yeah.

00:07:45.320 They can be out in the sun,

00:07:46.600 you know what I mean?

00:07:47.580 They can't be out.

00:07:47.900 They do the shingles

00:07:48.920 and then the bushes.

00:07:50.280 That's true.

00:07:50.940 Right?

00:07:51.220 They just do all kinds of stuff,

00:07:52.480 you know what I mean?

00:07:52.680 They know how to do everything,

00:07:53.620 bro.

00:07:54.560 They can't be out in the sun,

00:07:56.580 okay?

00:07:56.820 They have to be out there

00:07:58.780 to survive.

00:08:00.120 Yeah,

00:08:00.300 yeah,

00:08:00.420 yeah.

00:08:00.600 But they're also the latest immigrants

00:08:02.260 really as Mexicans

00:08:04.060 are the latest like leg of immigrants

00:08:05.940 in American history.

00:08:07.380 So immigrants are always the ones

00:08:09.340 that are out there doing whatever.

00:08:10.600 Right,

00:08:10.900 right.

00:08:10.980 You know?

00:08:11.380 Yeah,

00:08:11.580 yeah,

00:08:11.720 yeah.

00:08:12.160 Like you guys had your time.

00:08:13.720 Who's the,

00:08:14.140 you guys?

00:08:16.160 Asians.

00:08:16.660 Asian people.

00:08:17.420 In general.

00:08:18.000 Yeah.

00:08:18.380 When was our time?

00:08:19.380 You guys were those rail babies,

00:08:20.980 dog.

00:08:22.340 Weren't y'all?

00:08:23.460 Yeah,

00:08:23.860 but the Irish did it too,

00:08:25.160 bro.

00:08:25.600 Oh,

00:08:25.880 yeah,

00:08:26.180 there you go.

00:08:26.880 Damn,

00:08:27.200 was there beef between the Asians

00:08:29.000 and the Irish,

00:08:29.580 I wonder?

00:08:30.040 No,

00:08:30.240 they got along,

00:08:30.860 I think.

00:08:31.440 Wow.

00:08:31.640 You have to be out in the sun

00:08:32.780 like that.

00:08:33.740 Yeah.

00:08:34.020 Do you think they drink lemonade?

00:08:35.460 Oh,

00:08:35.940 dude,

00:08:36.300 no.

00:08:36.400 I always think if they drink lemonade

00:08:37.580 and then after they're done

00:08:39.480 with their shivs,

00:08:40.520 the Chinese give them opium

00:08:42.000 and they party.

00:08:43.280 Dude,

00:08:43.740 don't you want to be,

00:08:45.040 you and I,

00:08:45.700 dude,

00:08:46.140 back in the 1700s,

00:08:47.520 we worked hard on the rails.

00:08:50.800 God,

00:08:51.100 we'd have been out there.

00:08:51.800 Ching,

00:08:52.000 ching,

00:08:52.380 you know what I mean?

00:08:52.880 Ching,

00:08:53.280 ching,

00:08:53.940 ching,

00:08:54.600 chong,

00:08:55.180 ching,

00:08:56.720 chong.

00:08:57.000 Why does it make that sound?

00:08:58.560 That's the worst.

00:08:59.380 No,

00:08:59.600 because when Asians do it,

00:09:00.640 we make that sound.

00:09:01.640 That's how they got the name,

00:09:02.760 you know that.

00:09:03.720 Is that how they,

00:09:04.400 yeah,

00:09:04.680 that's,

00:09:04.940 yeah,

00:09:05.100 isn't that crazy?

00:09:05.980 Yeah,

00:09:06.020 that's how they do it.

00:09:07.020 Yeah,

00:09:07.360 with the real ching,

00:09:08.360 chong,

00:09:08.860 wong.

00:09:09.860 But,

00:09:10.380 and then after our shift,

00:09:11.940 we probably like go to the fucking den

00:09:13.960 and smoke opium together.

00:09:16.400 God.

00:09:17.400 And our souls,

00:09:18.180 that's when you're so,

00:09:18.820 when you're high on opium and somebody else is,

00:09:20.580 that's when your souls come out and mingle.

00:09:23.060 You think so?

00:09:23.780 Yeah.

00:09:24.120 Oh,

00:09:24.380 yeah,

00:09:24.780 man.

00:09:25.400 And we would just look at each other,

00:09:26.680 huh?

00:09:26.920 Or would you close your eyes,

00:09:27.900 you think?

00:09:28.660 I'd close them a little.

00:09:30.300 To make it look like mine?

00:09:34.140 I didn't say that,

00:09:35.240 but I mean,

00:09:36.000 you know,

00:09:36.300 I just want you to feel at home.

00:09:38.020 Yeah,

00:09:38.220 but back to the,

00:09:38.800 back to the,

00:09:40.620 the fat,

00:09:41.300 when the women were fat back in the day.

00:09:43.500 Oh,

00:09:43.660 I used to go to the library.

00:09:44.560 I would get the book

00:09:45.620 and I would like,

00:09:47.840 um,

00:09:48.800 it was whenever I like was first having those times

00:09:51.060 where you would like press your wiener against something

00:09:53.080 and it would feel so good,

00:09:54.280 you know?

00:09:54.760 What do you mean?

00:09:55.160 Like when you first started getting like a lot of feeling in your wiener,

00:09:58.100 like,

00:09:58.900 just like when your wiener just felt like it just,

00:10:02.020 um,

00:10:03.640 just,

00:10:04.080 just had so much tendency in it.

00:10:06.660 And,

00:10:07.180 uh,

00:10:07.920 and I would press,

00:10:08.980 I would get a book

00:10:09.820 and I would,

00:10:10.620 it would be like those drawings of the pictures of the women,

00:10:12.900 like Rodan or whatever the man's name was,

00:10:14.740 the artist.

00:10:15.800 And I mean the,

00:10:16.900 and I would,

00:10:17.440 Rodan is the,

00:10:18.320 he was the artist.

00:10:19.080 He was,

00:10:19.340 drew those women.

00:10:20.140 Oh,

00:10:20.400 I thought it was like the fucking,

00:10:21.760 Oh,

00:10:22.000 Ruben.

00:10:22.600 No,

00:10:22.860 Godzilla's buddy.

00:10:24.900 Rodan.

00:10:25.420 Oh,

00:10:25.640 Rodan.

00:10:26.060 Yeah.

00:10:26.340 Yeah.

00:10:26.660 Yeah.

00:10:27.060 Whatever that guy's name is.

00:10:28.000 Lonnie Rodan or something.

00:10:29.060 Who is it?

00:10:29.740 You bring him up

00:10:30.480 and I would put in Rodan,

00:10:33.560 see what comes up.

00:10:34.340 Just Rodan.

00:10:39.680 That's what comes up with the Rodan.

00:10:42.020 Oh no.

00:10:42.600 Don't Lonnie Rodan.

00:10:43.200 Just put Rodan in.

00:10:44.400 Oh,

00:10:44.660 Lonnie Rodan's a brother,

00:10:45.760 huh?

00:10:46.560 This is a white guy.

00:10:48.380 Just put Rodan in.

00:10:50.560 That's that.

00:10:52.860 What is that?

00:10:53.900 That's Rodan,

00:10:54.680 dude.

00:10:54.820 I just thought Rodan.

00:10:55.580 Oh,

00:10:55.880 that is it.

00:10:56.480 That is it.

00:10:56.960 Was that the guy?

00:10:57.660 No.

00:10:58.100 Yeah,

00:10:58.280 that wasn't it.

00:10:59.700 Oh.

00:11:00.180 No,

00:11:00.500 do O-R,

00:11:01.360 R-O-D-I-N,

00:11:03.420 bub.

00:11:04.020 Oh.

00:11:07.620 There we go.

00:11:10.220 That fool.

00:11:11.300 Look at those thick.

00:11:12.780 I mean,

00:11:13.020 that's when bitches had whiskers.

00:11:15.360 So would you jerk off to the book?

00:11:17.760 I would close the book on my wiener

00:11:20.420 until I like reached orgasm.

00:11:24.340 I would like.

00:11:24.920 In the library?

00:11:26.120 Yeah.

00:11:27.580 Wow.

00:11:28.220 Can I say something I did,

00:11:29.380 dude?

00:11:29.720 This is gonna,

00:11:30.280 I don't know if I get in trouble for this,

00:11:31.700 but.

00:11:31.880 So when I was in high school,

00:11:35.360 I used to like do math.

00:11:37.460 Really?

00:11:37.820 My freshman year,

00:11:38.280 yeah.

00:11:38.840 Wow.

00:11:39.540 And what I would do,

00:11:40.060 I get really horny.

00:11:41.560 Yeah.

00:11:42.120 And I would go to the library

00:11:43.100 and there was these medical books.

00:11:45.980 Oh,

00:11:46.240 yeah.

00:11:46.580 You know what I mean?

00:11:47.140 Like skeletons and stuff,

00:11:48.420 you know what I mean?

00:11:48.780 Or,

00:11:49.180 but sometimes they would have a titty or whatever.

00:11:50.900 Oh,

00:11:51.180 yeah,

00:11:51.420 yeah,

00:11:51.620 yeah.

00:11:51.800 Like a medical titty.

00:11:52.880 Mm-hmm.

00:11:53.300 Yeah,

00:11:53.500 yeah.

00:11:54.120 And I would sit there,

00:11:55.040 I would ditch class,

00:11:56.060 and I would sit there,

00:11:57.460 and I would move some of the books to the side

00:11:59.040 to see if,

00:11:59.620 because it was like a dead end.

00:12:01.120 Mm-hmm.

00:12:01.300 My aisle was at the dead end

00:12:02.360 where the medical books were,

00:12:03.340 and I would just lean against the wall

00:12:04.680 and I would scoot to see,

00:12:05.620 there was no cameras back then,

00:12:06.700 right?

00:12:06.920 Yeah.

00:12:07.300 And I would jerk off to these medical books.

00:12:09.040 Oh.

00:12:09.560 Because I couldn't afford porn back then.

00:12:10.940 Oh.

00:12:11.280 I didn't know where to even get it.

00:12:12.260 Like I didn't have a car,

00:12:13.300 you know,

00:12:13.500 how do you,

00:12:14.140 when you're a freshman,

00:12:14.900 you don't know how to get it.

00:12:15.820 Oh,

00:12:16.120 you have to drive,

00:12:16.840 that's back when you had to drive to porn,

00:12:18.320 people,

00:12:18.680 like children now don't understand,

00:12:20.380 you don't get how hard it was

00:12:22.240 to see even a,

00:12:23.380 to see it,

00:12:24.160 a drawing or a sketch

00:12:26.380 or even somebody who'd make a little pussy in the mud,

00:12:29.340 you know,

00:12:29.780 or like a mold of,

00:12:31.660 you know what I'm saying?

00:12:32.320 Yeah,

00:12:32.360 yeah,

00:12:32.500 yeah.

00:12:32.760 Dude,

00:12:33.080 back then it was freaking,

00:12:35.060 if you,

00:12:35.340 if you saw any hole,

00:12:36.860 it would feel,

00:12:37.740 it would go,

00:12:38.240 you'd get hard.

00:12:39.020 Oh.

00:12:39.620 Dude,

00:12:39.860 I remember,

00:12:40.320 I remember seeing like,

00:12:41.320 they used to have these crawfish holes,

00:12:42.720 pull that up,

00:12:43.260 crawfish houses.

00:12:46.760 Crawfish houses,

00:12:48.140 there you go,

00:12:48.640 Google in on them,

00:12:49.320 zoom in on one of those mud little,

00:12:51.220 things.

00:12:54.920 Right there,

00:12:55.680 dude,

00:12:55.880 so these are things that crawfish live in,

00:12:57.940 right?

00:12:58.620 That looks like a dick.

00:13:00.260 Well,

00:13:00.700 find a shorter one,

00:13:01.620 go,

00:13:01.920 scroll down a little.

00:13:05.160 No,

00:13:05.720 yeah,

00:13:06.600 right there,

00:13:07.000 one there,

00:13:07.300 no,

00:13:07.560 right there on the left,

00:13:08.360 up.

00:13:08.720 Oh,

00:13:08.940 I see now.

00:13:09.540 Right there,

00:13:09.960 no,

00:13:10.100 I see it.

00:13:11.080 Oh,

00:13:11.540 oh shit,

00:13:12.220 that's a,

00:13:12.620 that's a dick,

00:13:13.980 dude.

00:13:14.420 That one's,

00:13:15.340 another dick.

00:13:15.960 That time of the month.

00:13:17.260 No,

00:13:17.640 go back to right there.

00:13:18.800 That's a good.

00:13:19.680 So they have something like this would be everywhere.

00:13:21.540 These are all over Louisiana and this is where crawfish live in.

00:13:23.860 By the ditches,

00:13:24.580 they get the little houses.

00:13:25.720 Yeah.

00:13:26.020 And somebody wrote in good pussy next to it.

00:13:28.920 In the mud?

00:13:29.720 In the dirt.

00:13:30.280 Yeah.

00:13:31.040 Yeah.

00:13:32.000 But dude,

00:13:32.560 it was,

00:13:32.920 I mean,

00:13:33.160 there was nothing more,

00:13:34.420 there was like,

00:13:35.120 it was such an adventure once you were looking for,

00:13:37.960 I used to bicycle probably four to five miles to get to my buddy's house,

00:13:42.740 his family's house.

00:13:43.840 Yeah.

00:13:44.040 And his dad would keep porno under the sink.

00:13:47.160 Oh yeah.

00:13:47.520 Yeah.

00:13:47.740 And I would go in there and tell him I was doing a number two for like an hour and a half.

00:13:52.460 Really?

00:13:53.220 Yeah.

00:13:54.480 It would take you that long to jerk?

00:13:56.120 No,

00:13:56.540 but I would have to,

00:13:57.300 I would just be,

00:13:58.140 there was like 11 books.

00:13:59.560 It would take so long to get through all the information.

00:14:01.940 Yeah.

00:14:02.620 My friend,

00:14:03.080 Alan Meadows,

00:14:03.960 right?

00:14:04.260 His dad was like collected porn,

00:14:06.360 but he would hide it.

00:14:07.820 Right.

00:14:08.220 But the fun was in the hunt.

00:14:09.760 Like the beatster bunny.

00:14:11.100 Right.

00:14:11.380 And then we're like one time we found like a magazine behind the cereals.

00:14:14.860 Oh,

00:14:15.300 you know what I mean?

00:14:16.200 Like it was like,

00:14:16.860 you know what I mean?

00:14:17.200 And I found it,

00:14:18.280 I found it.

00:14:18.920 Right.

00:14:19.360 And then we would take turns going to the bathroom and jerk off.

00:14:21.660 It would only take like five minutes because it was like,

00:14:23.420 you know,

00:14:23.820 we're kids.

00:14:24.760 You know what I mean?

00:14:25.320 Oh,

00:14:25.640 those are such good times.

00:14:26.780 Now you click on the fucking computer and you see donkey pussy and stuff.

00:14:30.580 Oh man.

00:14:31.920 Yeah.

00:14:32.640 I never seen that.

00:14:33.540 Thank God.

00:14:33.960 But,

00:14:34.200 um,

00:14:34.480 cause there's other things you can click on.

00:14:36.140 You know,

00:14:36.320 there's many options outside of animalia.

00:14:43.060 Um,

00:14:43.540 but the crazy thing was it used to feel like if you had the porno,

00:14:47.320 then you,

00:14:47.920 it was your thing.

00:14:48.760 Now when you're sitting with,

00:14:49.760 with pornography video,

00:14:51.360 with porno video,

00:14:52.300 it seems like there's 7,000 other dudes watching at the same time.

00:14:56.300 That's the part that seems kind of gay to me.

00:14:57.920 If I'm,

00:14:58.440 if I'm looking at porno video.

00:15:00.580 That's why I look at the views.

00:15:02.680 Really?

00:15:03.140 Yeah.

00:15:03.300 If it's one view,

00:15:04.220 I'm okay with it.

00:15:04.860 Oh yeah.

00:15:05.400 You know what I mean?

00:15:05.680 But there's like four or 500 views.

00:15:07.160 I feel a little weird.

00:15:08.140 You know what I mean?

00:15:08.440 Like I'm sharing.

00:15:09.180 Oh yeah.

00:15:09.720 Yeah.

00:15:10.080 Yeah.

00:15:10.320 Yeah.

00:15:10.440 Yeah.

00:15:10.620 That's it.

00:15:11.120 See,

00:15:11.520 that would make porn real if they made you see all the people that were watching it at

00:15:14.960 the same time.

00:15:15.840 Oh,

00:15:16.200 like a zoom meeting.

00:15:18.460 Yeah.

00:15:19.000 You know what I do now is,

00:15:20.420 um,

00:15:20.900 I'll go through porn and I'll go like,

00:15:22.840 you know,

00:15:23.100 there'll be like 50 boxes.

00:15:25.420 Right.

00:15:25.600 Oh yeah.

00:15:26.080 But then they have ratings.

00:15:27.560 And usually like I,

00:15:28.940 I go to the site called team skeet.

00:15:31.160 You know what I mean?

00:15:32.080 And they have like 95%.

00:15:33.680 That's a pretty good number.

00:15:35.080 And I'll go through and I'll jerk off to the one that has the lowest number.

00:15:38.180 Cause I feel bad.

00:15:39.460 Really?

00:15:39.920 Yeah.

00:15:40.340 Like I'll go,

00:15:41.120 why is this girl 60%?

00:15:42.800 Oh,

00:15:43.340 she looks fine in the little thumbnail and I'll press it and I'll go,

00:15:46.980 yeah,

00:15:47.200 I know why now.

00:15:48.300 Why does she have asthma or something?

00:15:51.740 Or like,

00:15:52.300 what are there a certain,

00:15:53.420 why would somebody have 60%?

00:15:54.540 Why would asthma be a thing?

00:15:55.800 I wouldn't,

00:15:56.340 I feel like it would be hard for me to ejaculate if somebody's having an asthma.

00:16:00.900 That's true.

00:16:01.280 That's true.

00:16:01.600 That's true.

00:16:01.900 That's true.

00:16:02.200 Yeah.

00:16:02.340 I can't ejaculate if somebody's having trouble breathing.

00:16:04.760 No,

00:16:04.940 I think the numbers are based on,

00:16:06.360 or the rating is based on if the,

00:16:08.460 how the girl performs.

00:16:10.020 Oh.

00:16:10.560 And usually if the rating,

00:16:11.900 if they're hot and the rating is low,

00:16:14.160 it means that they're like,

00:16:16.100 there's this one girl that was just literally not there.

00:16:18.420 Oh.

00:16:19.080 She was just going,

00:16:19.680 she was like doing this,

00:16:20.800 like.

00:16:22.820 Oh man.

00:16:24.180 Oh.

00:16:24.760 And just nothing on her face.

00:16:26.340 You know what I mean?

00:16:27.080 Wow.

00:16:27.340 Like on drugs,

00:16:27.980 you think,

00:16:28.260 or just like,

00:16:28.800 she had like a.

00:16:29.320 She's just not,

00:16:30.260 like she doesn't.

00:16:31.300 Like nearsighted?

00:16:33.100 What?

00:16:33.580 Or like,

00:16:33.900 what do you mean?

00:16:34.240 Like on drugs?

00:16:34.880 No,

00:16:35.140 no,

00:16:35.260 no,

00:16:35.340 not on drugs.

00:16:35.920 No,

00:16:36.120 it's just,

00:16:36.500 it's probably like,

00:16:38.160 either it's like,

00:16:39.180 she doesn't want to be there.

00:16:40.660 Oh.

00:16:40.800 And she's doing it for the money.

00:16:41.900 Oh.

00:16:42.300 Yeah,

00:16:42.460 it's really sad.

00:16:43.760 Yeah.

00:16:44.280 Maybe nearsighted.

00:16:46.300 Yeah,

00:16:46.620 I wonder how much.

00:16:48.640 What are we talking about?

00:16:49.940 I don't know.

00:16:50.980 And you brought it up.

00:16:52.140 I don't know.

00:16:52.780 I remember.

00:16:53.240 I regret donkey pussy.

00:16:54.740 I regret saying that.

00:16:55.500 Oh yeah,

00:16:55.900 and you should.

00:16:56.420 Yeah,

00:16:56.620 yeah.

00:16:57.140 Yeah,

00:16:57.500 I've never been around

00:16:58.160 anything like that.

00:16:59.120 We had a buddy that used to,

00:17:00.480 he would,

00:17:01.340 you know,

00:17:01.700 come and knock on the door

00:17:02.660 if animals were fucking,

00:17:03.800 you know,

00:17:03.980 we had some animals

00:17:04.500 not far from us

00:17:05.440 and if there was animal sex

00:17:06.500 going on,

00:17:06.860 he'd come and knock on the door.

00:17:08.580 And would you go check it out?

00:17:09.580 This guy,

00:17:10.040 Frankie.

00:17:10.760 I went the first time

00:17:11.940 and after that,

00:17:12.540 I knew something was wrong with him.

00:17:13.880 You know?

00:17:14.580 Yeah,

00:17:15.000 yeah,

00:17:15.180 yeah.

00:17:15.580 He would always try to,

00:17:16.460 he had like a boomerang.

00:17:17.560 Somebody got him like a boomerang

00:17:18.920 from another country

00:17:19.700 for like Christmas or something

00:17:21.380 one year.

00:17:22.240 Australia,

00:17:22.760 you think?

00:17:23.740 I don't know.

00:17:24.840 I don't remember,

00:17:25.960 I don't remember where.

00:17:26.640 Probably Australia,

00:17:27.240 man.

00:17:27.560 But he would always try

00:17:28.400 to hit the animals that were,

00:17:29.540 you know,

00:17:29.780 he had like a,

00:17:30.720 he was just out there.

00:17:32.580 That's weird,

00:17:33.400 man.

00:17:33.420 I didn't like that kind of stuff,

00:17:34.640 man.

00:17:34.780 Yeah,

00:17:34.800 yeah.

00:17:35.080 We had people around us

00:17:35.980 that would always kill chickens

00:17:37.040 and do stuff like that.

00:17:38.220 Do anyone that like

00:17:39.940 tortures an animal

00:17:41.700 or hurts an animal,

00:17:42.600 I just,

00:17:43.040 I cannot,

00:17:44.400 I'll hang out with them.

00:17:45.540 Yeah.

00:17:45.880 But I can't get real intimate.

00:17:47.480 Yeah.

00:17:47.800 You know what I mean?

00:17:48.380 Oh yeah.

00:17:48.800 Like I'll go bowling.

00:17:49.800 Yeah.

00:17:50.220 You know what I mean?

00:17:50.680 I'll go bowling

00:17:51.400 or like,

00:17:51.900 you know what I mean?

00:17:52.720 I would do like,

00:17:53.740 you know,

00:17:54.480 batminton.

00:17:55.100 Yeah.

00:17:55.480 You know what I mean?

00:17:55.760 Like a casual day on a Sunday,

00:17:57.220 right?

00:17:57.480 If they know they torture animals.

00:17:58.940 But you ain't,

00:17:59.600 we're not gonna have dinner.

00:18:00.500 You know what I mean?

00:18:01.200 Yeah,

00:18:01.380 we're not gonna do

00:18:02.080 a three course meal.

00:18:03.620 I'll do a spot with them

00:18:04.860 or I'll tour maybe.

00:18:06.040 Would you tour with that guy?

00:18:06.980 I mean,

00:18:07.180 you're kind of doing a lot with him.

00:18:09.240 Yeah,

00:18:09.580 yeah.

00:18:09.860 No,

00:18:10.180 but you,

00:18:10.600 I wouldn't hang out after the tour.

00:18:12.440 You know what I mean?

00:18:12.820 It's like,

00:18:13.320 hey,

00:18:13.520 you want to go look for girls

00:18:14.980 and I'll be like,

00:18:15.620 now I'm gonna do my own thing.

00:18:16.640 Yeah.

00:18:16.920 Yeah,

00:18:17.140 yeah,

00:18:17.300 yeah.

00:18:17.460 Yeah,

00:18:17.580 I'm not gonna be in a photo with them.

00:18:19.600 Yeah,

00:18:19.940 no photo.

00:18:20.620 Yeah,

00:18:20.800 yeah,

00:18:20.900 yeah.

00:18:21.520 Would you like,

00:18:22.120 if you were like,

00:18:24.300 let's suppose like,

00:18:25.620 you got offered a movie,

00:18:26.840 co-lead with a guy

00:18:27.820 that you just know

00:18:28.580 was an animal abuser,

00:18:29.820 would you do the movie?

00:18:31.100 Like that guy,

00:18:31.760 Armel,

00:18:32.200 who's that guy?

00:18:34.020 Armel Hammer?

00:18:35.100 Armel Hammer.

00:18:35.520 Armel Hammer.

00:18:36.060 He was people,

00:18:36.820 not animals.

00:18:37.420 Abusing people?

00:18:38.180 Yeah.

00:18:38.560 Well,

00:18:38.720 that's the one.

00:18:38.940 What's worse,

00:18:39.440 people or animals?

00:18:41.680 I mean,

00:18:42.240 I've met a lot of people,

00:18:43.300 I'd say probably animals.

00:18:45.880 That's worse to me.

00:18:47.040 Because they have no,

00:18:47.600 like,

00:18:47.780 people have choices.

00:18:49.460 Like,

00:18:49.680 don't burn me.

00:18:50.540 Yeah.

00:18:50.920 You know what I mean?

00:18:51.260 But the,

00:18:51.700 you know what I mean?

00:18:51.940 A dog can't go,

00:18:52.560 coo, coo.

00:18:53.180 Yeah.

00:18:53.980 Is that what a dog said?

00:18:55.040 I don't know.

00:18:56.020 If he does,

00:18:56.660 that dog's racist, dude.

00:18:58.160 I'll tell you that.

00:18:58.900 What if a dog goes,

00:18:59.560 coo, coo?

00:19:00.220 Yeah,

00:19:00.580 that's better,

00:19:00.980 right?

00:19:01.500 Yeah,

00:19:01.800 yeah,

00:19:01.940 yeah.

00:19:02.140 Coo, coo is not,

00:19:02.800 that's an owl.

00:19:04.540 Right?

00:19:05.080 That's a racist owl.

00:19:05.980 Yeah,

00:19:06.140 it's a racist,

00:19:06.560 coo, coo.

00:19:07.720 Yeah,

00:19:07.920 yeah,

00:19:08.100 yeah.

00:19:08.560 Oh,

00:19:08.860 coo, coo.

00:19:09.820 That's crazy,

00:19:10.920 dude.

00:19:11.580 Dude,

00:19:11.900 if I walk by an owl

00:19:13.440 and he did that,

00:19:14.220 I'd probably get mad,

00:19:15.280 bro.

00:19:16.000 You would die laughing.

00:19:17.160 I know.

00:19:19.720 Coo,

00:19:20.320 coo,

00:19:20.820 coo.

00:19:21.660 Can we say that?

00:19:22.660 I can say it,

00:19:23.040 but you're not even waiting.

00:19:23.920 You didn't even say it.

00:19:27.780 Hard K's.

00:19:28.420 Oh yeah,

00:19:28.700 I'm not.

00:19:28.880 I'm doing hard K's,

00:19:29.560 you're not doing any K's.

00:19:30.280 No,

00:19:30.400 no,

00:19:30.620 yeah,

00:19:30.740 yeah.

00:19:31.280 If the owl though went,

00:19:33.100 Chinaman,

00:19:34.180 then I'd be like,

00:19:35.000 oh,

00:19:35.180 that's,

00:19:36.020 dude,

00:19:36.240 dude,

00:19:36.800 that,

00:19:37.580 that's,

00:19:37.980 because that's not what he does.

00:19:39.220 Right.

00:19:39.700 You know what I mean?

00:19:39.900 He had to force that.

00:19:41.500 Chinaman,

00:19:41.980 Chinaman.

00:19:42.620 You know what I mean?

00:19:43.000 I'd be like,

00:19:43.520 what the fuck?

00:19:44.840 Racist owl,

00:19:45.780 bro.

00:19:46.580 Yeah,

00:19:47.000 yeah,

00:19:47.400 yeah.

00:19:48.520 Oh,

00:19:49.040 damn,

00:19:49.500 dude.

00:19:49.680 I wonder if animals do get racist,

00:19:51.420 do you think?

00:19:52.760 Oh,

00:19:53.080 probably,

00:19:53.980 man.

00:19:57.780 I wonder why.

00:20:00.460 I think because they like black people.

00:20:02.580 Yeah.

00:20:03.300 Is that a bad thing to say?

00:20:04.480 No,

00:20:04.920 pit bulls love black people.

00:20:05.980 They love black people.

00:20:07.120 Yeah.

00:20:07.560 They love women and kids,

00:20:10.000 but Asians,

00:20:10.760 I don't think they like Asians,

00:20:11.840 man.

00:20:12.020 Wow.

00:20:12.580 Yeah.

00:20:13.400 Every pit bull just growls at me like that.

00:20:16.540 Damn.

00:20:16.980 Yeah,

00:20:17.160 yeah.

00:20:17.520 And has it always been like that?

00:20:18.820 And they go,

00:20:19.040 kook,

00:20:19.340 kook.

00:20:19.880 What?

00:20:23.040 Damn,

00:20:23.520 they're really wild,

00:20:24.460 bro.

00:20:24.700 Yeah,

00:20:25.240 wild,

00:20:25.920 bad animals.

00:20:26.380 The whole animal kingdom.

00:20:27.940 I think if Noah's Ark went by your house,

00:20:29.600 it would just be a bunch of,

00:20:30.880 goo.

00:20:33.160 If I were,

00:20:34.000 dude,

00:20:34.820 bro,

00:20:35.120 bro,

00:20:35.740 if I,

00:20:36.340 if I,

00:20:36.980 imagine if I was Noah,

00:20:39.120 right,

00:20:39.480 I was on my Ark and they were all doing that.

00:20:42.060 Oh yeah,

00:20:42.360 they were.

00:20:42.620 Yeah,

00:20:42.840 yeah.

00:20:43.020 Every time you turn your back,

00:20:44.240 you don't know which,

00:20:45.000 they think you don't know which one it is,

00:20:46.600 but they're animals,

00:20:47.260 so it's easy to tell.

00:20:48.480 Even the elephants are going like,

00:20:49.680 with their little paws,

00:20:50.380 and they're doing this.

00:20:52.760 Look,

00:20:53.340 he brings his trunk up and just one eye.

00:20:56.380 Dude,

00:20:59.700 dude,

00:21:00.180 that'd be so funny.

00:21:01.240 You know what,

00:21:01.760 if I was,

00:21:02.160 I would probably just leave the boat.

00:21:04.320 I would just be,

00:21:04.900 I can't handle this.

00:21:05.740 All the fucking animals are being racist.

00:21:08.280 You know what I mean?

00:21:09.360 That'd be fucking terrible.

00:21:10.700 You know what I mean?

00:21:11.500 I mean,

00:21:11.980 it would be something,

00:21:12.820 dude.

00:21:12.900 It would be something,

00:21:13.540 dude,

00:21:13.700 yeah.

00:21:14.440 You know,

00:21:14.900 it's silly to do things the hard way,

00:21:16.660 and I've learned that over the years,

00:21:19.360 man,

00:21:20.180 doing things the hard way.

00:21:22.440 I tried to do a dang,

00:21:23.800 build a water fountain in my yard,

00:21:25.800 and I didn't have any water or anything like that.

00:21:29.540 It's silly to try to open a package with your hand

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00:21:34.680 It is.

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00:22:43.760 Does it make sense to you

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00:24:05.660 I've been having this dream.

00:24:08.480 I've been having this dream

00:24:09.620 where I keep spending time with Dennis Rodman,

00:24:12.200 which is crazy.

00:24:12.900 Oh, that's crazy.

00:24:13.440 In North Korea?

00:24:14.180 I don't know where he is.

00:24:15.280 I can't really tell.

00:24:15.880 It looks like Huntington Beach.

00:24:17.880 But yeah, that's been kind of crazy to me.

00:24:20.720 Well, because we're doing a movie together.

00:24:21.980 Can we talk about that or no?

00:24:22.960 So we did talk about that you and I wanted to do a tour

00:24:28.040 in North Korea or what?

00:24:29.420 Oh, I think if we toured North Korea.

00:24:31.920 Well, how do we get Shin Lim?

00:24:35.420 That's a magician.

00:24:36.340 It is?

00:24:36.740 Yeah, yeah.

00:24:37.180 Shin Lim?

00:24:37.840 What's the guy's name?

00:24:39.040 Young Jock?

00:24:40.020 No.

00:24:40.200 No, no, no.

00:24:40.720 Give me the dictator's name in North Korea.

00:24:42.440 John.

00:24:42.880 No, just look at me.

00:24:43.600 Don't Google it.

00:24:44.200 Go ahead.

00:24:45.120 You know what, dude.

00:24:46.060 Little John.

00:24:47.280 No, no, no.

00:24:49.400 No, I know what it is.

00:24:50.340 Young John.

00:24:51.020 No, no.

00:24:51.480 Could I give you the first name?

00:24:52.580 Yeah.

00:24:53.060 Kim.

00:24:53.620 Oh, Kim Young John.

00:24:55.200 Kim Young John.

00:24:56.120 Kim Jong Young.

00:24:57.020 Yeah.

00:24:58.100 Kim Jong Un.

00:24:58.980 Young Young.

00:24:59.760 Young Young.

00:25:00.720 You're acting like those fucking animals.

00:25:01.800 It has a yawn in it.

00:25:02.680 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:02.880 Whatever it is, I know it has a yawn in it

00:25:05.040 because every time I hear it, I get tired.

00:25:07.880 Kim Jong Young.

00:25:09.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:10.020 What is it?

00:25:10.640 Kim Jong Un.

00:25:11.280 Kim Jong Un.

00:25:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:12.440 Un, yeah, yeah.

00:25:13.240 Kim Jong Un.

00:25:13.860 So I remember we were on set.

00:25:15.440 You were like, how do we get...

00:25:16.700 Which is a weird thing because we're trying to do scenes

00:25:18.780 and Theo fucking asks bizarre questions like,

00:25:21.640 how do we go to North Korea and get Kim Jong Un to like us?

00:25:24.920 Yeah.

00:25:25.400 Yeah.

00:25:26.100 And I'm like, dude, can we do the scene, bro?

00:25:27.820 But we shouldn't do the scene because we need to go to Kim Jong Un.

00:25:30.960 I know, dude.

00:25:31.980 Bro, imagine if we rolled up there.

00:25:34.320 But how do we get him?

00:25:35.220 Here, I'll make a plea right now.

00:25:36.360 So, Mr. Un, or Un, Mr. Un, my name's Theo.

00:25:42.940 This is my friend, Bobby.

00:25:45.920 And we want to say that we are proud of you.

00:25:49.200 Bro, ease up.

00:25:50.960 All right.

00:25:51.460 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:51.880 You're an American, bro.

00:25:52.700 Ease up.

00:25:53.020 Sorry.

00:25:53.360 We want to say that we know a lot.

00:25:55.840 We know about you.

00:25:57.480 And you've got a lot of fans here.

00:26:00.000 Talk about it.

00:26:01.100 You have great hair.

00:26:02.300 Love the hair.

00:26:03.020 A lot of it reminds me of like a strong haircut.

00:26:05.560 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:05.800 And talk about it.

00:26:07.060 Militario.

00:26:08.960 Oh, and you got beautiful, like.

00:26:11.680 You got cheeks for days, dog.

00:26:13.060 Yeah, man.

00:26:13.700 You got cheeks for days.

00:26:14.640 You got them little, yeah, you got them fucking frisky jowls, boy.

00:26:18.640 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:19.120 You know, just like a damn little damn panda that's just had a couple sugar pieces.

00:26:23.080 Yeah, you probably have a cute penis.

00:26:24.780 Oh.

00:26:25.580 No?

00:26:26.220 Well, I don't want to end up seeing it if we go.

00:26:27.980 But I'll take a peek.

00:26:28.820 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:29.300 We'll take a peek.

00:26:29.760 It probably looks like a minion.

00:26:30.780 Yeah.

00:26:31.340 Right, right?

00:26:31.840 Yeah.

00:26:33.640 You know what I mean?

00:26:34.720 Yeah.

00:26:34.880 That'd be cool, dude, right?

00:26:35.920 Yeah.

00:26:36.280 If he pulls it out and it fucking did that with the little goggles.

00:26:39.820 Bro, he'd put.

00:26:40.460 If we get him goggles and little fucking like overalls and we'll put it on his dick.

00:26:43.820 Yeah, we want you to have a minion party and we want to come to it.

00:26:47.280 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:47.560 We would like to be ambassadors from North Korea to America.

00:26:52.160 And what we would do is what we would bring.

00:26:54.220 We would bring some of your DVDs.

00:26:57.480 We'll bring a lot of cool magazines and stuff that you guys don't have.

00:27:01.480 DVDs.

00:27:01.940 Yeah, Ebony.

00:27:02.760 I bet you they don't have Ebony, dude.

00:27:04.360 Or Jet.

00:27:05.520 Yeah.

00:27:06.040 Yeah, dude.

00:27:06.460 We got Ebony, Jet.

00:27:07.820 They don't get it there.

00:27:08.820 We'll bring pictures of black friends that we have.

00:27:10.880 Yeah, yeah.

00:27:11.280 We'll bring a guy like who?

00:27:14.520 Donnell Rawlings.

00:27:15.700 Yeah, Donnell Rawlings.

00:27:17.180 Ian Edwards.

00:27:18.020 Ian Edwards.

00:27:18.960 Yeah.

00:27:19.540 And even we'll bring whatever you want.

00:27:22.860 But you invite us and we're your guys.

00:27:24.640 Yeah, and will we work?

00:27:26.700 Huh?

00:27:27.200 Would we work?

00:27:28.020 I think we're only going to stay for like a week, I think.

00:27:30.100 But what would that be like, though?

00:27:31.400 I think it would be sake, dude.

00:27:32.700 You think?

00:27:33.500 Yeah, because it's like, first of all, the food.

00:27:36.100 Imagine the food.

00:27:37.340 It can't be good.

00:27:38.380 He's an emperor.

00:27:40.200 Yeah, but he's not going to be like, oh, come eat my food.

00:27:42.980 Yeah, he will.

00:27:43.820 No, he won't.

00:27:44.940 He's not going to come into my bed and eat my food.

00:27:47.020 He's not going to do that.

00:27:47.860 You think he's going to make us go somewhere else?

00:27:49.700 No, he'll probably go, you stay hotel.

00:27:51.820 You know, we send, you know, food.

00:27:53.840 Right?

00:27:54.220 And then we're going to eat like cat meat?

00:27:56.320 What the fuck do they have there, bro?

00:27:57.540 I don't know.

00:27:58.280 You know what I found out, though?

00:27:59.280 Don't check this out.

00:27:59.900 This is a fact, I think.

00:28:00.740 I bet they have like Marie Callender's or something, right?

00:28:02.740 What do they have in North Korea?

00:28:04.040 A chain restaurant.

00:28:04.660 There's no chain restaurant in Korea, dude.

00:28:06.720 Marie Callender.

00:28:08.360 Would they love?

00:28:09.140 We love a chicken papaya.

00:28:11.760 No, they don't have fucking Marie Callender's.

00:28:13.620 Yeah, they do.

00:28:14.300 There's no way they have it there, dude.

00:28:15.880 You don't think they have a McYib?

00:28:17.180 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:28:17.920 We like the McYib.

00:28:19.660 Is that a McDonald's in North Korea?

00:28:22.140 I think it's like their version.

00:28:23.600 But you're right.

00:28:24.240 They don't have like fast food.

00:28:25.180 They don't have fast food.

00:28:26.020 No corporations go there.

00:28:27.560 What?

00:28:28.240 Yeah, dude, I found it.

00:28:29.120 So you imagine the home cooking.

00:28:30.760 It's all home cooking.

00:28:32.100 Bro, I want to say a couple of things about things I know about North Korea.

00:28:36.400 No, but check it out, dude.

00:28:37.620 Number one, meat is hard to come by, right?

00:28:41.400 And sometimes they eat people.

00:28:44.260 That's sad, right?

00:28:45.240 And then the second thing is, did you know that they have factories there?

00:28:51.680 They only make crystal meth.

00:28:54.740 Jesus.

00:28:55.280 And you know what they give the workers there, compensation?

00:28:59.400 What, like boxing gloves?

00:29:01.000 No.

00:29:02.740 Have you seen that meth boxing?

00:29:04.660 No, no, no.

00:29:06.040 They gave them more meth.

00:29:07.740 Oh.

00:29:08.140 As their like work compensation.

00:29:11.240 So that, which is smart because it's like, they just keep some working.

00:29:15.000 And then what they do is they take all this crystal meth.

00:29:18.260 They put them on these boats.

00:29:19.460 And then they go to the Philippines.

00:29:21.000 And then to these docks.

00:29:22.520 And they, you know, they, and then, you know, it's shipped to black markets and, you know, countries.

00:29:27.880 Black markets?

00:29:29.720 Like, what do you mean?

00:29:31.560 What do you mean?

00:29:32.520 Like black markets.

00:29:33.380 You mean like, oh.

00:29:35.640 Yeah.

00:29:36.100 I'm not, oh no, I'm not saying.

00:29:38.260 No, I'm, I see what you're saying.

00:29:40.860 Like, you think that it's like at a Vons in Compton?

00:29:43.500 You mean like fam dollar?

00:29:45.700 No, no, no.

00:29:46.680 Black market is a thing where it's like, you know what I mean?

00:29:48.820 And, um, I don't even know how to explain it.

00:29:51.120 It's like underground marketplace.

00:29:54.500 Oh, okay.

00:29:55.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:55.580 Like a dark alley or something?

00:29:58.200 Maybe it could involve that, you know what I mean?

00:30:00.260 But like, you know, human trafficking is in the black market.

00:30:03.200 Oh, damn.

00:30:04.100 Damn, you know what I mean?

00:30:05.060 But I guess if, yeah, I guess if I'm being, if I'm human trafficking or being human trafficked,

00:30:09.780 I would probably want to have meth.

00:30:11.640 Yeah.

00:30:12.060 If you were with Kim Jong-un though, and he said, honestly, he goes, you both are going to die

00:30:18.040 unless you suck it.

00:30:20.900 Ooh.

00:30:21.440 Who would go first?

00:30:23.720 Well, let me think for one second.

00:30:28.800 I would go first.

00:30:31.040 Bro, dude.

00:30:31.680 I know, I'm volunteering.

00:30:33.060 What?

00:30:33.740 Because I, dude, I can't have the dude nut up.

00:30:36.700 I can't have him anywhere around me.

00:30:38.500 I heard he nuts early, dude.

00:30:40.720 They shoot those missiles at any hour for no reason.

00:30:43.320 Oh, you think he would, you think I would go first and he would nut and look at you and

00:30:47.540 go, no need.

00:30:49.060 You know what I mean?

00:30:49.480 He did the job.

00:30:51.500 You know how angry I'd be?

00:30:53.260 I would just be like, what the fuck?

00:30:55.180 You know what I mean?

00:30:55.780 I imagine.

00:30:56.780 God damn, I did too good.

00:30:58.040 I did ball work or whatever.

00:30:59.560 You'd be like a little squirrel, dude.

00:31:02.000 What do you mean?

00:31:02.920 You think?

00:31:03.900 Well, I'm just saying, boy, if you catching that damn jaundice nut out there, out in Noco,

00:31:10.340 bro.

00:31:10.660 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:31:11.060 That's, but bro, if you took that semen and saved it inside of you, that would be our

00:31:15.040 movie.

00:31:15.940 What do you mean?

00:31:16.680 You get Kim Jong-un's seed.

00:31:19.200 And I have to hold it in my mouth?

00:31:21.040 Yes.

00:31:21.800 Because we have to get it out of the country.

00:31:24.320 Bro, how long?

00:31:25.800 It seems like a couple of days.

00:31:27.660 Oh, look, bro.

00:31:28.720 Bro, bro.

00:31:29.220 It seems like a couple of days.

00:31:30.580 We have to have a plot.

00:31:31.420 Dude, you have to have at least, I mean, enough to have a good story arc.

00:31:34.400 All right, how about this?

00:31:36.300 I'll keep it in my mouth, but I'll give you three hours to, I can only keep it in my mouth

00:31:42.100 for three hours, I think.

00:31:43.140 Oh, come on, buddy.

00:31:43.920 Do I have to breathe?

00:31:45.040 Huh?

00:31:46.100 Well, we can get you one of those oxygen tanks.

00:31:51.860 Oh, what do you mean?

00:31:53.240 Huh?

00:31:53.640 Yeah.

00:31:54.440 Yeah, one of those, like, just a little, and we'll, on the little stroller.

00:31:57.480 You stick the things in the oxygen tubes, and then you take electrical tape and just

00:32:02.080 zip my mouth shut.

00:32:03.260 Well, we can't, and make sure you have to, we also have to kind of pinch your throat

00:32:06.260 so you don't swallow, because, dude, if we get that-

00:32:08.000 Oh, bro, oh, oh, imagine.

00:32:11.220 Dude, do it for your-

00:32:11.860 We're on the trunk, and we hit it, I swallowed it accidentally.

00:32:14.500 Oh, my, imagine.

00:32:15.120 You hit a bump.

00:32:15.780 I'd be so fucking mad at you.

00:32:16.980 Then we'd have to get it out of your stomach, dude.

00:32:18.700 That's the, this whole thing is the movie, because if we get that DNA, then we can create

00:32:23.520 another one of him.

00:32:24.640 Why would we want to do that?

00:32:25.780 Let's create a Daniel Dae Kim or a Jimmy O. Yang, I mean, I don't know, because I think

00:32:30.700 then you send that one there to make him, we have his son, and it's like, this is your

00:32:37.700 son, and he wants peace.

00:32:40.180 Wow.

00:32:41.200 We would have to grow that one fast, though.

00:32:43.780 We could do it.

00:32:45.440 See, what you're saying to me is, okay, let's just do the scenario.

00:32:48.260 Take it over to Elon, bust.

00:32:49.840 He'll grow it.

00:32:50.300 Right.

00:32:50.500 We go to his palace.

00:32:51.880 Okay.

00:32:52.160 We do the introductions, right?

00:32:53.600 Now, the first two days when we get there, we're going to have to party our balls off,

00:32:56.520 dude, so we're going to lose our sobriety.

00:32:57.660 We're going to have to wear, like, robes and stuff, probably.

00:33:00.440 All the women.

00:33:01.120 I would lose my sobriety for that.

00:33:03.000 I would.

00:33:03.980 Are there, like, yeah, there's so many different scenarios.

00:33:06.200 There's probably 10 scenarios where I would lose it, and that's one of them.

00:33:09.140 That's one.

00:33:09.720 Yeah, yeah.

00:33:10.260 It would be sucky, though.

00:33:11.180 I would feel so sad partying with you in North Korea.

00:33:13.540 But we'd bring a big book with us and do a meeting every now and then.

00:33:16.520 But we're drunk.

00:33:18.160 Yeah, but we tried.

00:33:19.340 Yeah.

00:33:20.080 Okay.

00:33:20.900 So we're there.

00:33:21.600 We're partying for two days.

00:33:22.580 Oh, yeah.

00:33:23.140 And we're wearing robes, dude, and everybody's – and look, dude, we don't know what anybody's

00:33:27.200 talking about.

00:33:28.060 Right.

00:33:28.640 Look, they keep talking to me, and I'll point at you to translate, and you don't know what

00:33:32.200 they're talking about either.

00:33:33.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:33:35.580 Then we go to the – now, do we volunteer blowing him, or do we wait for him to –

00:33:39.700 I'm not going to bring it up.

00:33:41.900 Yeah.

00:33:42.520 Me either.

00:33:43.100 I'm not going to bring it up.

00:33:44.280 But –

00:33:44.840 What do I do?

00:33:46.120 It's part of the movie.

00:33:46.860 I think you've got to know it's coming.

00:33:48.080 No, I'll do this.

00:33:49.820 Just keep your mouth open a lot?

00:33:51.080 A little bit.

00:33:51.680 I would like – we're having, like, a coffee with him.

00:33:57.300 Not full on, but just – you're just subtly – you know what I mean?

00:34:01.360 You look – I love your palace, and I go – yeah.

00:34:04.580 Right?

00:34:04.840 Yeah.

00:34:05.320 I feel weird, but I feel something down below.

00:34:08.660 Yeah.

00:34:08.860 You know what I mean?

00:34:09.680 And I keep going.

00:34:11.120 Right?

00:34:11.660 Yeah.

00:34:12.100 And sometimes I'll do this.

00:34:13.720 I bet he's got that little pickled corn thing.

00:34:15.760 Bring up one of those.

00:34:18.880 Pickled corns.

00:34:22.140 You know what I'm talking about?

00:34:23.300 No, man.

00:34:24.000 That little thing that they put some time in a damn drink or something at a fancy place.

00:34:28.660 Right there.

00:34:29.780 Third row, sixth pitcher.

00:34:33.440 Seth's fifth.

00:34:34.940 Oh, baby – pickled corn.

00:34:36.400 Oh, wow.

00:34:36.860 That's six.

00:34:37.160 Wow, that's what it is.

00:34:38.280 That baby corn.

00:34:38.900 Yeah, dude.

00:34:39.280 Ooh.

00:34:39.980 You think that's what it looks like?

00:34:41.060 I think he's got that dirty little amber jack on him.

00:34:44.400 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:34:45.140 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:34:46.420 So then he would go – after dinner, coffee, he'd go like, okay, you both blow.

00:34:51.180 Who go first?

00:34:51.900 I would volunteer.

00:34:53.320 Well, I think we'd have to draw – we'd have to do something to make it – so then that's

00:34:56.580 part of the movie where it's like, how is it going to happen?

00:34:58.520 Oh, we have that competition.

00:35:00.400 Yeah, something.

00:35:01.760 We'll do a montage of competitions.

00:35:03.460 Okay.

00:35:04.020 You know what I mean?

00:35:04.420 We're picking straws or sticks or other things.

00:35:06.540 Like a decathlon.

00:35:07.480 Yeah, yeah.

00:35:07.820 And then we cut to we're on a track and we're running.

00:35:10.320 Yeah.

00:35:10.640 You know, cut to we're like, you know what I mean?

00:35:13.080 Doing hurdle.

00:35:13.980 Just one hurdle.

00:35:14.620 Yeah, doing one hurdle.

00:35:15.420 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:16.200 And then I lose, obviously.

00:35:17.820 And then we cut to I'm blowing him.

00:35:20.380 I pep talk you.

00:35:21.560 But you're in the corner.

00:35:22.560 I can't do it with you in the room.

00:35:24.780 What if I hide behind him?

00:35:26.740 I'll be able to see you.

00:35:29.100 Dude, imagine – dude, it's like enough pressure.

00:35:32.300 It's humiliating for me.

00:35:33.820 I'm sorry, man.

00:35:34.940 What if – I'm trying to think where I could be.

00:35:36.640 I'll tell you where you're going to be.

00:35:37.700 But if I'm not in the room, I'm not going to believe it that it happened.

00:35:39.460 Oh, that's true.

00:35:40.240 Okay.

00:35:41.940 I'll let you be in the corner of the room on a chair.

00:35:45.400 Yeah.

00:35:45.740 And I'll wear something different.

00:35:46.480 You won't even know it's me.

00:35:47.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:35:47.660 How about this?

00:35:48.100 You put a sheet over it and you're like, we'll cut out the whole –

00:35:50.040 Oh, come on.

00:35:50.940 No, because I want a whole KKK vibe.

00:35:53.880 That'd be weird.

00:35:54.700 But if it helps you, man, I'll do it.

00:35:55.880 It'll help me.

00:35:56.480 It'll help me.

00:35:56.980 Then I'll do it.

00:35:57.480 Right, right.

00:35:58.260 So then I do it.

00:35:59.360 I hold it in my mouth, right?

00:36:01.380 And I'll go, then you have to talk from now on.

00:36:03.640 Oh, yes.

00:36:04.120 I cannot talk from now on.

00:36:05.840 Yes.

00:36:06.200 Yeah, yeah.

00:36:06.580 It's like, see no evil, hear no evil.

00:36:08.020 Bring that up.

00:36:09.680 You mean the Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor movie?

00:36:13.380 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:14.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:15.800 See no evil, hear no evil.

00:36:18.460 Bring it up right there.

00:36:19.580 Just click on it.

00:36:20.460 Yeah, click on it, dude.

00:36:21.680 I love that movie, dude.

00:36:23.340 Yeah.

00:36:23.840 One of them is blind and one of them is deaf, right?

00:36:25.820 Just click on – there we go.

00:36:26.940 Yeah, yeah.

00:36:27.740 There we go.

00:36:28.420 It's a weird movie.

00:36:29.220 Yeah, one of them is blind and one of them is deaf, dude.

00:36:31.020 Right.

00:36:32.460 God, it was a good movie.

00:36:33.560 I love that movie.

00:36:34.340 So I'm holding my mouth.

00:36:36.320 You're doing all the talking.

00:36:37.560 Right, and now I got to get us out of there.

00:36:39.320 Right.

00:36:39.760 And he goes, it's bedtime.

00:36:40.980 It's bedtime, boys.

00:36:41.840 So now we have to go and he wants us to sleep in his bed, right?

00:36:45.640 No.

00:36:46.540 Because we got to sneak out of there.

00:36:48.660 Ah.

00:36:50.160 Okay, okay.

00:36:51.320 So we got to sneak out.

00:36:52.500 How about this, though?

00:36:53.160 How about this?

00:36:53.580 All right.

00:36:54.700 I get a Bill Cosby pill.

00:36:56.740 Okay.

00:36:57.220 You know what I mean?

00:36:57.500 Because I know a guy.

00:36:58.240 All right.

00:36:58.880 That has a fucking – I can get him to his medicine cabinet.

00:37:02.020 Okay.

00:37:02.640 He has these purple pills, right?

00:37:03.880 Yeah.

00:37:04.380 And you put one of these Cosby pills in his drink.

00:37:06.280 Okay.

00:37:06.620 Because I need – I can't have him like –

00:37:08.940 Mm, mm, mm, mm.

00:37:11.840 Yeah, but I can't have him like, I'm not tired.

00:37:14.460 I'm going to watch movies on my iPad.

00:37:16.980 Yeah, he probably will, too.

00:37:18.320 I bet he wears a diaper, too.

00:37:19.760 Yeah, I'm sitting there.

00:37:20.400 You're just sitting there just hoarding.

00:37:22.300 Hoarding, right?

00:37:23.060 Oh.

00:37:23.620 So we got to get that guy out.

00:37:25.860 Right.

00:37:26.200 Right?

00:37:26.440 So you have the – if you don't do that, I'll be so mad.

00:37:28.680 I'll sing to him.

00:37:29.340 I'll be like, hush.

00:37:30.180 Little baby, don't say a word.

00:37:33.620 That is the name of Korean.

00:37:34.720 Going, young.

00:37:36.960 Right.

00:37:39.260 We sneak out.

00:37:40.640 Do you have a plane ready?

00:37:42.080 Mm, don't.

00:37:43.260 Do you have a plane ready?

00:37:44.120 Huh?

00:37:44.780 Why can't I just – dude, let me just – can I tell you something?

00:37:46.720 Do you have a plane ready?

00:37:47.500 Yeah, let me ask you something.

00:37:48.480 Yeah, go on.

00:37:48.980 Why can't I just go, put it in my mouth, go – I got to go to the bathroom and spit

00:37:54.200 it into a jar.

00:37:55.240 Oh, no.

00:37:55.900 Or like a little receptacle.

00:37:57.300 Why do I have to keep it in my mouth?

00:37:58.780 Because you have to keep it in a condition where it would actually be able to live.

00:38:02.080 I know, but what if I have – like, I could probably go to Elon Musk or somebody

00:38:05.300 and go, can you make me a fucking cum receptacle for Kim Jong-un?

00:38:08.780 That's going to keep the cum alive.

00:38:10.980 I guess.

00:38:11.880 I just don't understand why I have to keep it in my mouth the whole time.

00:38:15.220 I don't know why I had to blow the dude.

00:38:18.100 That's true.

00:38:18.940 That's a good point.

00:38:19.980 That's a good point.

00:38:20.920 That's a good point.

00:38:21.560 That's a good point.

00:38:22.300 But since you did –

00:38:23.560 Since I did, I should keep it in my mouth.

00:38:24.840 We got to make a movie about it, man.

00:38:26.680 All right.

00:38:27.480 So then we got to get you out of the country.

00:38:29.280 Oh, here's how you do it.

00:38:30.380 Don't they not eat pork or something?

00:38:32.140 Can you Google that up?

00:38:33.180 No, they eat pork, dude.

00:38:34.860 What animal don't they eat?

00:38:36.160 We can disguise –

00:38:36.540 They eat every animal.

00:38:38.220 There's not an animal they don't eat.

00:38:39.680 Because we can disguise you as that animal.

00:38:41.140 Right.

00:38:42.120 Oh, I see.

00:38:43.940 Well, you can disguise me as like a panda's hacky.

00:38:48.360 How about a red panda?

00:38:50.000 Oh, because they're extinct, right?

00:38:51.520 No, there's a couple around.

00:38:53.060 So, yeah.

00:38:53.760 So you would be like an endangered species.

00:38:55.480 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:55.820 A red panda.

00:38:56.620 Yeah.

00:38:56.900 Right.

00:38:58.000 And so I'm wearing the outfit.

00:38:59.940 I still have it on my cheeks.

00:39:01.260 Right.

00:39:01.740 Right.

00:39:02.680 And I can't communicate.

00:39:04.140 And you're going to be losing weight, too, because you're not going to be eating.

00:39:06.560 For how long do I have it in my mouth?

00:39:08.100 I mean, it's going to take at least probably 72 hours to get to the border.

00:39:14.700 You definitely have to keep – you're going to definitely have to – you know what I mean?

00:39:18.380 Well, yeah.

00:39:19.000 We're going to have to do a lot.

00:39:19.960 And you can't make me laugh.

00:39:21.060 Oh, that's true.

00:39:21.880 You can't make me laugh.

00:39:23.240 You can't – no emotion.

00:39:24.920 Okay.

00:39:25.400 It's just focus.

00:39:26.820 Yeah.

00:39:27.120 Yeah.

00:39:27.520 I get in the thing.

00:39:28.540 Locked in.

00:39:29.180 Locked in.

00:39:29.740 Like Jordan Peterson.

00:39:30.200 Just like –

00:39:30.520 Yeah, Jordan Peterson.

00:39:31.480 Locked in.

00:39:31.620 Yeah, we'll listen to Jordan Peterson on tape.

00:39:33.360 That'll motivate me.

00:39:34.480 Yeah.

00:39:34.780 And Ram Dass.

00:39:35.900 Ooh.

00:39:36.340 I like Ram Dass.

00:39:37.540 You know what I mean?

00:39:37.800 More spiritual.

00:39:38.600 Just keep expanding.

00:39:41.060 Yeah, I like Ram Dass.

00:39:42.060 He's good, man.

00:39:42.580 He's good, right?

00:39:43.680 And then we get to the border.

00:39:44.700 Then I can spit it out.

00:39:45.600 We have scientists on the other side.

00:39:46.820 Oh, they're waiting.

00:39:47.640 Oh, they're waiting.

00:39:48.300 Yeah.

00:39:48.440 I spit it out, and I need Listerine.

00:39:52.020 I don't know if they have that in South Korea.

00:39:53.800 They have Listerine.

00:39:54.500 They have some form of it.

00:39:56.440 You think?

00:39:57.720 100%.

00:39:58.000 Okay.

00:39:58.700 Yeah, they fucking clear their mouths there.

00:40:00.360 Okay, cool.

00:40:01.060 All right, yeah, so you got Listerine.

00:40:02.220 Now you're cleaned out, and you're back.

00:40:03.720 Right.

00:40:04.040 And now we come back to America, and we are heroes, dude.

00:40:06.940 How?

00:40:07.320 And now we have to raise him in the sequel.

00:40:09.560 I know.

00:40:09.920 In the sequel, we raise him, but we have to raise him fast, because you're saying that

00:40:12.480 we have to replace a grown ... We got to grow ours to replace him.

00:40:18.080 We can't have a kid go up there and replace him.

00:40:20.540 Right.

00:40:21.080 So we have to have some ... We have to put fertilizer.

00:40:22.880 I don't know how they do it.

00:40:23.640 We got to grow him fast.

00:40:24.600 Yeah, we got to grow.

00:40:25.020 How do we grow him fast?

00:40:26.100 I don't know.

00:40:26.560 Rice balls?

00:40:27.220 I don't know.

00:40:28.220 I don't know.

00:40:28.760 I don't know what ... I mean, maybe a lot of rice balls.

00:40:31.240 I don't know.

00:40:31.820 I've seen people that eat a lot of Rice Krispy Trees, dude.

00:40:34.620 I mean, they're just fast.

00:40:36.780 I think the movie needs work.

00:40:38.560 Yeah.

00:40:38.880 Yeah, yeah.

00:40:39.800 You're right.

00:40:40.520 We're putting Liam Neeson in it.

00:40:42.020 So close, dude.

00:40:43.140 We're so close with a fucking great movie.

00:40:44.860 Oh.

00:40:45.340 Yeah, we just need a little ... Yeah, dude.

00:40:47.860 Fuck.

00:40:48.340 That's all right.

00:40:48.640 We got time to think about it.

00:40:49.520 How do you think this movie is doing that you and I are doing?

00:40:51.520 I think it's interesting, man.

00:40:53.000 I mean, first of all, it's been interesting to do a movie for me, and I wasn't going to do

00:40:57.220 it unless you did it, which is kind of crazy.

00:40:59.180 You came down to the wire, huh?

00:41:00.220 I know.

00:41:00.780 We were calling each other every five minutes going,

00:41:03.660 are you going to do it?

00:41:04.400 Are you going to do it?

00:41:04.840 Are you going to do it?

00:41:05.740 I don't know.

00:41:06.380 I don't know.

00:41:06.800 I don't know.

00:41:07.360 I know.

00:41:07.740 And we're doing it.

00:41:08.720 I just feel like it's right.

00:41:10.240 The cast is right, and I just feel ... You know what?

00:41:12.120 I'm proud of you because you're killing it.

00:41:13.840 Oh, thanks, man.

00:41:14.380 You really are.

00:41:15.460 Thanks.

00:41:15.740 And I ... Obviously, because you haven't done a lot of movies, right?

00:41:19.760 Yeah.

00:41:20.040 So there was a kind of like, oh, what is he going to do?

00:41:21.620 But you're being real, being very funny, and I think this will be good, man.

00:41:27.360 You do?

00:41:27.900 Oh, yeah.

00:41:28.560 If it sucks, it's going to ...

00:41:29.740 Dude, I saw that fucking last take, what Johnny did, and I watched the camera.

00:41:34.720 It looks so cinematic.

00:41:36.020 Really?

00:41:36.540 Oh, my God.

00:41:37.000 It looks so good.

00:41:38.640 Dude, your character's so crazy.

00:41:41.580 Yours is, too.

00:41:43.540 Why is my character crazy?

00:41:45.120 I mean, he just like ... He's just been ...

00:41:48.720 He's a weirdo.

00:41:49.200 Yeah.

00:41:49.900 Yeah.

00:41:50.460 He's been through so much, though.

00:41:51.920 I know.

00:41:52.920 But yeah, dude, I think that scene with the chicken wings is hilarious.

00:41:58.440 It's so ridiculous.

00:41:59.040 I watched from that editor thing or whatever, where you're chasing the guy and stuff.

00:42:04.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:05.140 All right.

00:42:05.440 We'll see what happens, man.

00:42:06.460 But yeah, man, I think ... Yeah, it was so funny, because on Friday, we'd be like,

00:42:11.360 all right, let's talk on Monday and see if we want to do it.

00:42:13.040 And then on Monday, one Monday, we're like, oh, we're not doing it, dude.

00:42:16.120 And then next Monday, it's like, all right, we're in.

00:42:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:42:19.440 Yeah, it's weird.

00:42:20.900 I just feel like it was kind of meant to be ... I don't know.

00:42:23.380 I like the guy, Laje.

00:42:24.460 Yep, and it's about a sober living.

00:42:26.780 Laje is the director, and he wrote it.

00:42:30.040 It's fun, man.

00:42:30.860 Look, it's fun, and I'm glad I get to try and just learn it around you, because it's like,

00:42:35.180 you know, you wouldn't let me mess up if I was really doing bad.

00:42:38.480 No.

00:42:38.880 And Johnny Knoxville's in it, Moe Amer.

00:42:43.360 It's interesting.

00:42:44.420 Yeah.

00:42:45.220 Moe Amer.

00:42:45.940 Who else?

00:42:47.340 Oh, Gator.

00:42:48.680 Gator's cool.

00:42:49.520 Yeah.

00:42:50.080 Gator's crazy, isn't he?

00:42:51.440 Dumpfounded?

00:42:52.320 Yeah, yeah.

00:42:53.120 Yeah.

00:42:53.460 Who's better looking, me or dumbfounded?

00:42:54.780 Oh, I don't know.

00:42:59.360 Probably him, I think.

00:43:02.280 That hurts.

00:43:03.240 Does it really?

00:43:04.060 A little bit.

00:43:04.760 But you know what?

00:43:05.340 In a different way.

00:43:06.180 You're better looking more in like a historical way.

00:43:11.880 Old?

00:43:13.640 I wouldn't say old.

00:43:15.160 I would say you're very like ... I feel like you have that look that has been through time.

00:43:21.680 Yeah, that just ... Because I'll tell you why.

00:43:25.060 We went to a club last night after the store.

00:43:26.980 Did y'all?

00:43:27.580 He goes, let's go to this Korean club.

00:43:29.620 You guys went?

00:43:30.440 Yeah, I went.

00:43:31.380 And do y'all always do that?

00:43:32.520 What's it like when you see another Korean?

00:43:34.540 Dude, you should have gone.

00:43:35.420 They would have loved you there.

00:43:36.760 But if you see another Korean, do you know immediately that they're Korean?

00:43:42.080 What do you mean?

00:43:43.100 Like, do you know?

00:43:45.240 Well, he has a friend that looks Filipino, so sometimes you don't know.

00:43:48.580 You know what I mean?

00:43:48.940 He had like, you know what I mean, monkey eyes.

00:43:51.840 Oh, he had all of it?

00:43:52.580 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:53.080 He had the Filipino round eyes.

00:43:54.920 Oh, yeah.

00:43:55.360 You know what I mean?

00:43:55.520 They were bulging out.

00:43:56.760 You guys got those crescents, baby.

00:43:58.940 Yeah, we have crescents, right?

00:43:59.940 So him, I was like, you're Korean?

00:44:01.320 He's like, I am.

00:44:01.960 And I go, wow, that was shocking.

00:44:03.400 But he looked good.

00:44:04.480 I'm not saying I'm not making fun of him.

00:44:05.720 I look handsome.

00:44:06.520 You know what I mean?

00:44:06.820 Yeah.

00:44:06.960 I went to the club, and there was this guy who that day had performed in front of 60,000

00:44:13.120 people, and his name is Jay Park.

00:44:15.580 He's like this huge Korean rapper, singer.

00:44:19.380 Wow.

00:44:19.920 Right?

00:44:20.220 So I was there at his table, right?

00:44:22.400 He's a huge fan.

00:44:23.240 I don't know why.

00:44:25.360 Everybody loves you.

00:44:26.320 When he was a kid, he watched MADtv or whatever it might be.

00:44:28.880 So I hung out at the table, but I realized that night that I'm never going to get laid again.

00:44:34.280 Really?

00:44:35.040 Yeah, because women, they don't look at me.

00:44:37.620 They think that I'm like their accountant.

00:44:40.400 Really?

00:44:40.960 Dude, I'm being real, dude.

00:44:42.180 An accountant where, dude?

00:44:43.580 On like a shipping dock or something?

00:44:46.240 Like a wooden shipping dock?

00:44:49.220 No, I'm an accountant for like, you know, Bungie, the gaming company.

00:44:54.640 For what?

00:44:55.260 Like a kind of, I feel like it would be like, hey, kind of like a, you would be an accountant

00:44:59.820 for like sex trafficking or something.

00:45:02.820 Yeah, but still an accountant nonetheless.

00:45:04.180 You know what I mean?

00:45:04.900 That's true.

00:45:05.160 That's true.

00:45:05.480 But they look at me like not in a viable way.

00:45:09.200 Oh, yeah.

00:45:09.800 And they look like, oh, no, not you.

00:45:11.820 You know what I mean?

00:45:12.340 I just kind of feel it.

00:45:13.660 So it's like, I might be alone for a while, bro.

00:45:16.800 I'm happy about it.

00:45:17.700 I don't give a shit.

00:45:18.960 But do you show up?

00:45:20.600 Because here's sometimes, this can happen too.

00:45:22.260 You show up to a thing.

00:45:23.420 It's like a night.

00:45:24.060 It's like a festival, not festive night.

00:45:26.820 People are excited.

00:45:27.920 And you show up with kind of like this.

00:45:29.560 I get scared in those type of environments kind of.

00:45:31.460 And I show up with a lower energy.

00:45:33.420 And so then I seem like the weird guy, you know?

00:45:36.060 I think, yeah, I do have a weird, because I can't do my Bobby Lee-isms in a club environment.

00:45:41.820 You know what I mean?

00:45:42.260 Because it's loud.

00:45:43.320 People are walking around.

00:45:44.420 So I'm just kind of like, you know what I mean?

00:45:46.260 Like biting my nails.

00:45:47.500 And I'm in the corner.

00:45:48.300 I'm in the table.

00:45:49.080 I'm like where, I'm at the table where everyone wants to be.

00:45:52.400 Right.

00:45:53.080 Finally, I get to the table.

00:45:54.340 But now I'm like the dad.

00:45:55.700 Yeah.

00:45:56.100 You know what I mean?

00:45:56.760 So I'm just sitting there.

00:45:57.660 And, you know, all these girls wanted to take photos with Jay Park, right?

00:46:00.380 And dumbfounded, right?

00:46:02.040 And everyone's like, a dude.

00:46:03.140 It's always a dude.

00:46:03.980 Some older Korean dude.

00:46:05.300 I'm a big fan.

00:46:06.800 Oh.

00:46:07.280 Right?

00:46:07.580 To me.

00:46:08.000 And I'm like, oh, God, you have a dick, dude.

00:46:09.600 Oh, my God.

00:46:09.940 This is so sad.

00:46:10.640 You know what I mean?

00:46:11.220 Yeah.

00:46:11.760 Yeah.

00:46:12.040 But it's like.

00:46:12.880 And they're older.

00:46:13.720 And what are they wearing usually?

00:46:15.960 Khakis.

00:46:16.780 Oh.

00:46:17.400 Golf shirt.

00:46:19.140 Khakis, golf shirt, right?

00:46:20.660 Oh, God, dude.

00:46:22.640 Perm.

00:46:23.680 What?

00:46:24.320 You know Koreans perm their hair?

00:46:26.020 Yeah, Korean dudes perm their hair.

00:46:27.680 Pull it up, Rodney.

00:46:28.720 Yeah, Korean dudes perm.

00:46:30.100 Yeah, Korean guys perm their hair.

00:46:31.920 Oh, man.

00:46:32.480 All my uncles did it.

00:46:33.460 They all got their perms.

00:46:34.340 Really?

00:46:34.860 Yeah, because they didn't want to.

00:46:35.920 They didn't like the straight A's.

00:46:39.440 Korean guys.

00:46:40.340 Korean male perm.

00:46:41.360 Do male.

00:46:44.840 Wow.

00:46:45.580 Like that dude down there.

00:46:47.740 And Korean.

00:46:48.480 A lot of Korean women look deceased, don't they?

00:46:50.840 In the skin tone.

00:46:53.980 What do you mean?

00:46:54.820 They have a very deceased looking tone on them.

00:46:56.960 Like that guy right down there in the third row.

00:46:59.420 Who is he?

00:47:00.400 Yeah, the redheaded kid.

00:47:01.600 Right there.

00:47:02.580 Oh, to the left.

00:47:03.240 One more.

00:47:06.280 Anyway, that guy right there.

00:47:07.640 Yeah, that.

00:47:08.300 Wow.

00:47:08.800 Like old Korean dudes do that, too.

00:47:10.920 Like Jack Hollow.

00:47:12.460 Yeah, they want to like, you know what I mean?

00:47:14.280 Yeah.

00:47:14.720 They want to look different.

00:47:16.120 You know what I mean?

00:47:16.960 They do, huh?

00:47:17.860 Yeah.

00:47:18.360 When it's like, if you ever go to a Korean spa, we have straight pubes.

00:47:23.040 Really?

00:47:23.780 Yeah, it's like your dick is in shock.

00:47:26.140 Oh, my God.

00:47:27.040 It's always like, ah, you know what I mean?

00:47:28.420 And the hairs come out.

00:47:29.460 You know what I mean?

00:47:29.720 Oh.

00:47:29.960 Yeah, yeah.

00:47:30.600 They don't really, like if I plucked one out right now, you wouldn't think that that

00:47:33.560 was from my fucking genitalia area.

00:47:35.460 Oh, my God.

00:47:36.700 Well, yours curl?

00:47:37.840 Yeah, mine curl.

00:47:39.040 Mine kind of seem, I mean, they seem anxious, I feel like, but they're curled.

00:47:43.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:47:44.460 Most of mine are curled probably from sheer anxiety, probably.

00:47:47.820 But, um.

00:47:48.520 You don't shave yours?

00:47:49.400 Huh?

00:47:50.000 I trim mine down now.

00:47:51.040 Can I just show you?

00:47:52.180 Huh?

00:47:53.020 Yeah.

00:47:54.900 Oh, wow.

00:47:55.820 Yeah.

00:47:57.700 Look at the bumper, brother.

00:47:59.100 It's acne.

00:48:02.240 Damn, brother.

00:48:03.060 It's pure acne, bro.

00:48:04.300 Damn.

00:48:04.840 Oh, I thought that was the penis.

00:48:09.960 No, dude.

00:48:10.860 I rock harder than that, dude.

00:48:12.440 Oh, thank God.

00:48:13.280 Dude, I would kill myself if that was my penis.

00:48:15.540 Would you kill yourself?

00:48:16.440 I mean, it's a pretty big zit.

00:48:18.340 Yeah, yeah.

00:48:20.680 Yeah.

00:48:21.320 Dude, if I had, like, that little red bump as my penis, forget it.

00:48:24.440 I'd be a monk.

00:48:25.200 What's the smallest a penis can be?

00:48:26.920 Can you bring that up for me, brother bear?

00:48:29.500 What's a small?

00:48:30.620 They can be pretty small, bro.

00:48:32.980 Yeah, do adult male, too.

00:48:34.300 Adult male.

00:48:34.780 Yeah, yeah.

00:48:38.320 Go to images.

00:48:39.460 Smallest penis in the study is about 1.6.

00:48:41.480 Go to images.

00:48:42.200 Yeah, let's go to images.

00:48:42.920 Let's see if they'll give us anything.

00:48:45.320 Nothing.

00:48:47.160 Nothing.

00:48:49.120 You know what's better?

00:48:50.220 Put in micro penis.

00:48:52.200 Really?

00:48:52.800 Yeah, I've Googled it before.

00:48:54.360 Why?

00:48:55.020 Oh, my God.

00:48:56.040 Look at that, dude.

00:48:57.060 What?

00:48:57.860 Look at that little one right there.

00:48:59.320 Yeah, that.

00:49:01.320 Wow.

00:49:02.000 Bro.

00:49:03.000 Would you kill yourself?

00:49:04.340 Zoom in on that, huh?

00:49:05.580 Would you kill yourself?

00:49:07.240 Okay.

00:49:07.620 Wow.

00:49:08.060 Wow.

00:49:08.460 Oh, poor guy.

00:49:13.380 Right?

00:49:14.180 Can you zoom a little more?

00:49:17.340 Wow.

00:49:17.780 Look at that.

00:49:18.500 Wow.

00:49:19.160 It looks like a boiled...

00:49:20.340 It looks like it has a little two eyes and a little face on top.

00:49:23.660 It looks like a boiled peanut.

00:49:26.440 It does, doesn't it?

00:49:27.480 It looks like a boiled peanut, dude.

00:49:28.880 Oh, my God.

00:49:29.700 Oh, my God.

00:49:30.340 Imagine that.

00:49:31.120 It would be nice, though, is you could probably play with yourself and nobody would even know.

00:49:35.200 Yeah.

00:49:35.760 Well, you would just rub it like a clip.

00:49:37.720 You know what I mean?

00:49:38.640 Yeah.

00:49:38.760 Like, that's how you jerk out.

00:49:39.960 You just rub it like that.

00:49:41.200 Yeah?

00:49:41.900 Dude, you have to have...

00:49:43.000 To get a woman with that penis, you would have to be Jeff Bezos.

00:49:49.240 Yeah.

00:49:49.880 That's what you would have to offer.

00:49:51.400 I'll give you a mansion and a yacht because this is nothing.

00:49:56.220 You'd have to be Elon Bezos.

00:49:59.580 Right.

00:50:00.160 What do you think about that, Zach, that wiener?

00:50:02.440 It's a tough life, for sure.

00:50:06.480 It's a pretty tough life, yeah.

00:50:07.740 Yeah?

00:50:08.260 Yeah.

00:50:08.760 I'm sorry for the other image.

00:50:09.980 That was an accident.

00:50:10.760 It's okay, man.

00:50:11.320 It's dangerous.

00:50:12.480 You got to understand.

00:50:13.120 It's dangerous ground, that Google search, so.

00:50:15.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:50:15.540 Yeah.

00:50:16.200 You know what I would do?

00:50:17.140 You know what I would do with that?

00:50:18.360 I would transition.

00:50:20.580 You would?

00:50:21.300 Oh, yeah.

00:50:22.400 I would forget it.

00:50:23.400 I would just turn that into a vag.

00:50:25.240 Oh, that's a great idea.

00:50:26.500 And then you'd have the nicest little vagina.

00:50:30.360 Yeah, it would be nice.

00:50:32.320 I would, all you would have to do is, because usually what they do when they do the transition,

00:50:36.600 right, is they take a penis, they cut it in half, and they tuck all the penis and everything

00:50:40.340 inside the body.

00:50:41.360 Right.

00:50:41.860 But with that, I wouldn't do that.

00:50:43.600 I would just keep it as is.

00:50:45.040 Yeah.

00:50:45.400 And just build the vagina around it.

00:50:47.240 And that would be my clit.

00:50:48.620 Ooh.

00:50:50.720 Wow.

00:50:51.780 You know what I mean?

00:50:52.780 Yeah.

00:50:53.320 Yeah.

00:50:53.500 And just imagining, it almost sounds like a very, it sounds like a delicacy, you know?

00:51:00.180 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:02.020 Dude, new man vagina.

00:51:03.920 So, how about this?

00:51:05.260 You meet a great guy, right?

00:51:06.960 He's a cool guy.

00:51:08.420 Who?

00:51:08.920 Huh?

00:51:09.560 I'm not telling you who he is.

00:51:10.860 Okay.

00:51:11.060 I don't know who he is, because it's just a magic, it's a magic person, or made up,

00:51:14.780 fictional.

00:51:15.480 So, you meet a great guy, he's really, really cool.

00:51:20.140 You love him, you end up falling in love with him.

00:51:22.560 Gay love.

00:51:23.400 Yeah.

00:51:24.600 And then he says, he's.

00:51:25.700 De'Lante.

00:51:27.320 Gay-Lante.

00:51:28.160 I want him to be De'Lante Jackson.

00:51:30.140 De'Lante Jackson.

00:51:30.960 Yeah, yeah.

00:51:31.400 Okay.

00:51:32.200 So, you're going, yeah.

00:51:33.580 He's a mulatto.

00:51:34.440 I know what you're doing, yeah, yeah.

00:51:35.680 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:36.040 He's a mixed boy.

00:51:36.860 He's a mixed boy, yeah.

00:51:37.820 And he gets a sex change.

00:51:40.200 Do you still continue to see him?

00:51:43.960 Wait, I don't get the fucking scenario.

00:51:46.060 So, what you're saying is, I'm dating De'Lante Jackson?

00:51:48.520 Mm-hmm.

00:51:49.000 I'm not gay, though.

00:51:51.200 All right.

00:51:52.600 That was a test.

00:51:55.180 That whole thing was a test.

00:51:56.240 I know.

00:51:56.540 What you're saying to me is this.

00:51:58.280 If I was dating a black girl by the name, a mulatto girl named Delisha.

00:52:04.060 Okay.

00:52:04.560 Delisha Jackson.

00:52:05.800 And she goes, I'm going to be De'Lante.

00:52:07.940 Yeah.

00:52:08.120 And I'm getting into the operation.

00:52:09.280 Do you stay?

00:52:09.660 I would leave.

00:52:10.480 You would?

00:52:12.660 First of all, making a penis out of vagina is probably so difficult.

00:52:18.340 Really?

00:52:18.640 Because unless they have a, unless you have, like, a lot of vagina.

00:52:23.740 Yeah.

00:52:23.880 I guess you, because what do you do?

00:52:24.960 You borrow, what, fat from your leg or something?

00:52:27.020 Yeah.

00:52:27.360 Well, you have to get a lot of, you have to have a lot of vagina.

00:52:29.500 Wow.

00:52:30.080 You know what I mean?

00:52:30.500 A lot of vagina meat.

00:52:31.560 Because they got to really jangle that thing up.

00:52:33.460 Yeah.

00:52:33.660 They got to jangle it up.

00:52:34.560 Damn.

00:52:34.780 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:35.460 And I don't know what that's going to look like.

00:52:38.180 Also, she's probably going to take hormones and her voice is going to get deeper.

00:52:41.880 Yeah.

00:52:42.460 Or testosterone.

00:52:43.200 Is that testosterone?

00:52:45.460 Yeah.

00:52:45.920 And she's going to grow facial hair.

00:52:47.380 At that point, it's going to be, nah.

00:52:50.020 Right?

00:52:51.220 It's just tough because I don't know what the future holds for you.

00:52:53.420 He's going to like Chris Spencer.

00:52:54.500 I don't know what the future holds for you guys.

00:52:56.780 I know nothing.

00:52:57.840 There is no future.

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00:55:58.160 Dude, do you really think so?

00:56:00.120 Because you're living a single life now.

00:56:05.000 Yeah.

00:56:07.340 Does it really bum you out or no?

00:56:09.560 I'm sorry, man.

00:56:10.280 I just didn't know if it's tough because you said you went to the party with the guy.

00:56:15.880 Yeah, I didn't go there to meet women.

00:56:17.380 I'm trying to get out in the world because I'm sober.

00:56:22.340 So it's like, usually what I do is I'll do the clubs, go straight home and watch TV, right?

00:56:28.660 And now I'm just like going, I'm 50.

00:56:30.840 Do I go out and try to mingle?

00:56:33.940 Right?

00:56:34.260 So I went to the club, you know what I mean?

00:56:35.740 And also it's like, you know, with Dumbfounded, in a Korean club, you don't wait in line.

00:56:41.060 Right.

00:56:41.480 Yeah.

00:56:41.660 I went into an elevator, zipped up right to the booth.

00:56:45.020 I mean, it was like, you know what I mean?

00:56:46.520 The treatment.

00:56:47.020 Oh, yeah.

00:56:47.760 Right.

00:56:48.160 So I went up there and stuff.

00:56:49.420 And it's all Koreans in there.

00:56:51.320 Some halfies too, but mostly you see one white dude always, but alone at the bar.

00:56:55.860 And what's he doing?

00:56:56.760 He's.

00:56:58.420 Really?

00:56:59.020 Yeah.

00:56:59.300 And no one's talking to him.

00:57:00.240 Like a wook?

00:57:01.540 Yeah.

00:57:01.740 He's a wook, dude.

00:57:03.360 Wow.

00:57:04.040 Yeah, dude.

00:57:04.480 That's the fuck.

00:57:05.440 That's what the term is.

00:57:07.280 I never knew what that term is.

00:57:08.800 And we just created it.

00:57:10.140 We did?

00:57:10.660 Yeah.

00:57:10.840 And a white dude that wants to be an Asian.

00:57:12.980 Oh, yeah.

00:57:13.620 He's a wook.

00:57:14.620 Yeah.

00:57:15.080 Yeah.

00:57:15.300 Yeah.

00:57:15.560 So there's a wook at the bar.

00:57:17.240 He's winks.

00:57:18.100 Yeah, yeah.

00:57:18.400 These winks.

00:57:19.860 That's insane, dude.

00:57:21.020 That's insane.

00:57:21.980 We're going to go to jail.

00:57:23.040 No, we're not going to jail, dude.

00:57:24.120 We're not?

00:57:24.520 Okay.

00:57:24.660 No, no, no.

00:57:25.000 Because we're just creating terminology for the folklore.

00:57:27.360 Yeah, you're right.

00:57:27.980 Yeah, for people.

00:57:28.880 Yeah.

00:57:29.320 We're creating words, bro.

00:57:30.420 Oh, there's nothing yet.

00:57:31.700 Some wink hanging around.

00:57:33.040 Yeah.

00:57:33.260 Well, if he's.

00:57:33.580 Wearing a Jeremy Lin jersey.

00:57:37.560 Right.

00:57:38.340 This got to stop, man.

00:57:39.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:57:40.040 And he's got like a Dragon Ball Z tattoo on his arm.

00:57:42.760 You know what I mean?

00:57:43.080 Like weird, right?

00:57:44.060 And he's just like there, right?

00:57:45.840 And he's got like, for some reason,

00:57:47.580 just extra boba in his pocket.

00:57:50.160 Right?

00:57:50.780 Just a loose boba.

00:57:51.740 You know how like tater tots,

00:57:52.740 but he just uses boba and he eats it in his pockets, right?

00:57:55.220 And he's sitting there and like,

00:57:56.880 obviously he likes Asian women.

00:57:58.780 Yeah.

00:57:59.220 And he wants to be Asian.

00:58:00.560 Yeah.

00:58:01.180 It's like that one white influencer

00:58:03.280 who got his eyes operated on to look Asian.

00:58:05.840 No.

00:58:06.360 Yeah.

00:58:07.100 You know what I mean?

00:58:07.480 So it's like.

00:58:08.120 Who is that?

00:58:08.740 I don't know who it was,

00:58:09.680 but a guy did that.

00:58:10.780 Like he wants to,

00:58:11.500 he's going for a white man.

00:58:13.260 He's a white dude that wants to be Asian.

00:58:15.240 And we,

00:58:15.700 a wook and we just created the fucking word, man.

00:58:18.140 He's fucking.

00:58:19.420 Yeah.

00:58:19.760 That dude.

00:58:21.820 Ollie London.

00:58:23.180 Ollie London.

00:58:23.980 Ollie London.

00:58:24.520 Look at him.

00:58:25.480 And is that,

00:58:26.300 is that frown?

00:58:27.060 Is that,

00:58:27.480 or do you guys accept these types of people into,

00:58:29.880 do Asian people easily accept folks like this into their culture?

00:58:33.460 Or is this considered a taboo move?

00:58:35.820 Kind of.

00:58:36.780 What do you mean?

00:58:37.200 Except like,

00:58:37.880 he's not going to be like,

00:58:39.600 you know what I mean?

00:58:40.080 If we have a ping pong tournament,

00:58:41.400 he's not invited.

00:58:41.980 I'm just saying you got fucking ramen dolezal over here.

00:58:45.920 And is that accepted or not?

00:58:49.080 That's what I'm wondering.

00:58:50.560 Yeah.

00:58:52.180 I don't know.

00:58:53.040 Like if I saw that dude,

00:58:55.080 you know what I mean?

00:58:56.220 Roll up in the club.

00:58:57.200 I would just be like,

00:58:58.180 I would just be scared.

00:58:59.560 Yeah.

00:59:00.200 Cause he looks like fucking Nicholas Cage.

00:59:02.580 He looks like MS.

00:59:04.440 He looks like MSG MGK.

00:59:09.840 Yeah.

00:59:10.240 Yeah.

00:59:11.600 Yeah.

00:59:12.000 He doesn't look,

00:59:12.980 he doesn't look Asian.

00:59:15.020 He doesn't look,

00:59:16.020 you know,

00:59:16.220 he looks like a 50 year old woman who just got Botox.

00:59:19.640 That's what she looks like.

00:59:20.560 Right?

00:59:20.800 Like any 50 or 60 year old woman that gets Botox.

00:59:22.980 Yeah.

00:59:23.160 Go to that other picture.

00:59:24.140 He's wearing the purple shirt.

00:59:25.100 Down one.

00:59:25.840 Yeah.

00:59:26.160 Down two.

00:59:27.040 Down three.

00:59:28.560 Down more.

00:59:29.480 Right there.

00:59:30.320 Purple shirt.

00:59:32.460 Yeah.

00:59:32.960 Yeah.

00:59:33.500 This honestly looks like this beautiful girl named Sarah that I dated one time.

00:59:37.320 Yeah.

00:59:37.980 Yeah.

00:59:38.460 Yeah.

00:59:38.700 But that dude,

00:59:39.460 it's like,

00:59:39.880 I think his parents are very disappointed.

00:59:41.520 I should have been a better guy to her.

00:59:42.800 But yeah,

00:59:43.480 I think her,

00:59:44.120 I think,

00:59:44.540 I don't know what leads someone to want to be so Asian.

00:59:47.780 Are they,

00:59:48.280 do you think they're obsessed with the culture?

00:59:50.760 Do you think they're obsessed with the look?

00:59:52.820 Yeah.

00:59:52.980 People are really obsessed now,

00:59:54.260 like of the culture because of,

00:59:57.160 you know,

00:59:57.340 cause you know,

00:59:58.100 Korea has a really cool musical scene.

01:00:01.440 You know what I mean?

01:00:01.900 The K-pop stuff.

01:00:02.780 Oh yeah.

01:00:02.960 It's huge.

01:00:03.480 It's huge.

01:00:04.100 Global.

01:00:04.420 You know,

01:00:05.100 I did a movie with this guy,

01:00:06.780 Henry Lau in Thailand.

01:00:11.520 And he would,

01:00:12.660 one time he goes,

01:00:13.780 Hey,

01:00:13.980 come to my hotel.

01:00:15.040 Cause he stayed at a different hotel.

01:00:16.680 And I walked over there and I saw 300 tents of girls sleeping outside his hotel.

01:00:25.240 Wow.

01:00:25.680 And then when I walked toward them,

01:00:27.440 people would give me rice cake.

01:00:29.360 Right.

01:00:30.080 Give this to Henry.

01:00:31.520 Right.

01:00:32.260 And I go,

01:00:32.700 I don't think he likes rice cakes.

01:00:34.520 I think he likes pussy cakes.

01:00:37.340 You know what I mean?

01:00:38.480 It's like,

01:00:39.320 if you have a pussy cake,

01:00:40.940 imagine me giving fucking Henry Lau a rice cake.

01:00:44.700 What the fuck is this shit?

01:00:46.120 You know what I mean?

01:00:46.860 So anyway,

01:00:47.220 I would bring rice cakes to him and I'd be like,

01:00:49.580 people just live there.

01:00:50.960 Wow.

01:00:51.440 Right.

01:00:51.620 And the,

01:00:51.840 the kind of power.

01:00:52.680 And I made the very big mistake of,

01:00:55.200 so it was a movie I did with this guy.

01:00:56.740 Right.

01:00:57.400 And so I get a call going,

01:00:58.820 we're doing a press conference in LA.

01:01:01.520 So it was like,

01:01:02.500 I'm not kidding you.

01:01:03.180 A thousand kids,

01:01:04.820 mostly white.

01:01:06.240 Right.

01:01:07.100 And I,

01:01:08.080 I kept saying backstage,

01:01:09.420 I go,

01:01:09.640 can you just bring me out first?

01:01:11.780 They go,

01:01:12.220 no,

01:01:12.400 no,

01:01:12.540 no,

01:01:12.700 no,

01:01:12.840 no.

01:01:13.460 Henry go up first.

01:01:14.620 Oh,

01:01:16.040 right.

01:01:16.500 And I bet I got on my hands and knees.

01:01:18.460 Yeah.

01:01:18.920 I go,

01:01:19.220 please just put me up first.

01:01:21.480 Is that a cultural thing or what is it?

01:01:23.060 No,

01:01:23.280 cause I just knew what was going to happen.

01:01:24.840 Oh yeah.

01:01:25.400 You know what I mean?

01:01:25.860 Yeah.

01:01:26.280 I knew what was going to happen.

01:01:27.060 If they said Bobby Lee,

01:01:29.480 I would get cheers.

01:01:30.920 Yeah.

01:01:31.340 Not a lot,

01:01:32.420 but some,

01:01:33.200 right.

01:01:33.820 And then Henry,

01:01:34.380 right.

01:01:35.180 But that's not what happened.

01:01:36.820 It went Henry.

01:01:40.240 And when they said Bobby Lee,

01:01:41.720 you couldn't hear it because of the fucking noise.

01:01:44.620 So I walked out and I got the residual of his claps.

01:01:49.100 It was fucking embarrassing,

01:01:50.680 dude.

01:01:51.540 Damn.

01:01:52.020 Yeah.

01:01:52.140 It was terrible.

01:01:52.920 They're like,

01:01:53.400 who's that accountant with him?

01:01:54.660 Yeah.

01:01:55.200 Yeah.

01:01:55.360 That's what I look like.

01:01:55.980 Like,

01:01:56.180 like his publicist or something.

01:01:58.240 Yeah.

01:01:58.580 Oh,

01:01:58.840 it's fucking terrible.

01:01:59.380 But those people have fucking weight,

01:02:02.380 man.

01:02:03.260 They're powerful,

01:02:04.060 dude.

01:02:04.500 Why do Koreans,

01:02:05.900 why are they so,

01:02:07.180 why do they get so,

01:02:08.720 do they,

01:02:09.420 do Koreans get more obsessed with pop icons than Americans do?

01:02:14.480 Yeah,

01:02:14.920 but they're only obsessed with pop,

01:02:17.400 right?

01:02:18.180 Like Billie Eilish,

01:02:19.520 you know,

01:02:20.080 um,

01:02:21.220 Harry Styles,

01:02:22.380 that type of thing.

01:02:22.780 Clint Eastwood,

01:02:23.180 they don't care.

01:02:23.840 They don't know who the fuck he is.

01:02:25.300 Okay.

01:02:25.920 You know what I mean?

01:02:26.220 They can't even say it.

01:02:27.740 Wow.

01:02:28.360 Couldn't.

01:02:29.040 They would go,

01:02:29.520 couldn't.

01:02:30.760 What?

01:02:31.700 God.

01:02:32.080 And I go Eastwood,

01:02:33.420 right?

01:02:35.260 They wouldn't know.

01:02:36.200 Wow.

01:02:36.620 Like if you told them like,

01:02:37.600 who's Robert Mitchum,

01:02:39.200 they would not know.

01:02:40.740 Who's Steve McQueen?

01:02:41.140 Robert Mitchum?

01:02:42.400 He was an actor.

01:02:42.940 The deodorant guy?

01:02:43.940 No.

01:02:44.380 Yeah,

01:02:44.640 he was an actor for the 50s.

01:02:45.820 Or any like,

01:02:46.460 any like,

01:02:47.100 like for instance,

01:02:47.920 I've been to Korea.

01:02:48.920 Right.

01:02:49.700 They,

01:02:50.640 no one knows who I am.

01:02:52.360 Really?

01:02:52.940 Dude,

01:02:53.160 it was like being invisible.

01:02:54.860 Like,

01:02:55.240 it reminded me of what it was like in high school.

01:02:57.580 Oh.

01:02:58.140 Just like,

01:02:58.620 oh,

01:02:58.800 no one knows me.

01:02:59.660 Like when I walk around in LA,

01:03:01.400 I mean,

01:03:01.820 I get recognized maybe.

01:03:02.940 It's not,

01:03:03.440 I don't live for it,

01:03:04.380 but 10,

01:03:05.660 15,

01:03:06.080 20 times,

01:03:06.780 you know what I mean?

01:03:07.280 People go,

01:03:08.520 love Tiger Belly,

01:03:09.500 this and that,

01:03:09.940 right?

01:03:10.000 I don't feel as invisible,

01:03:11.400 right?

01:03:11.780 Right.

01:03:11.960 But in Korea,

01:03:12.540 dude,

01:03:12.680 they don't give a fuck about me.

01:03:15.800 Except for the artists.

01:03:18.940 Like,

01:03:19.520 there's this guy named JYP,

01:03:20.920 who's like the puff daddy of Korea.

01:03:22.680 He,

01:03:23.140 he flew me out there last time

01:03:24.660 to do a music video for him.

01:03:26.360 You know what I mean?

01:03:26.660 I was in a music video

01:03:27.500 for a band called the Wonder Girls.

01:03:29.740 Dang.

01:03:30.240 Yeah,

01:03:30.440 yeah.

01:03:30.580 So I flew off for that.

01:03:31.920 So they requested me,

01:03:33.740 but all the civilians,

01:03:35.360 they,

01:03:35.600 I had to wait in line.

01:03:37.000 No one said hi.

01:03:37.900 It was like,

01:03:39.200 yeah,

01:03:39.960 no one,

01:03:40.300 they don't give a fuck.

01:03:40.860 That's interesting.

01:03:41.560 It feels like what it was like

01:03:42.400 in high school.

01:03:43.140 That's such an interesting comparison.

01:03:45.300 Because the whole reason,

01:03:46.440 I don't want to get like,

01:03:47.820 but the whole reason,

01:03:48.700 it's like,

01:03:49.840 I don't know about you,

01:03:50.580 but growing up,

01:03:52.640 and even in my early 20s,

01:03:53.860 I felt invisible.

01:03:57.680 You know what I mean?

01:03:58.240 Like,

01:03:58.480 I remember I,

01:03:59.100 I,

01:03:59.320 I lived with this guy named Calisto.

01:04:01.360 He was a handsome Mexican dude.

01:04:03.100 Oh,

01:04:03.400 wow.

01:04:03.700 He sounds like it.

01:04:04.500 Yeah,

01:04:04.640 yeah.

01:04:04.780 And we would walk into a bar,

01:04:07.400 and I,

01:04:08.280 one time a woman just walked up to him

01:04:09.900 and started making out with him.

01:04:11.240 Oh.

01:04:11.720 He didn't even say,

01:04:12.460 hi,

01:04:12.720 my name is Calisto,

01:04:13.460 nothing,

01:04:13.900 right?

01:04:14.460 And I walk in so invisible,

01:04:17.640 you know,

01:04:17.860 I just felt like,

01:04:19.100 I don't know,

01:04:20.060 like I didn't exist almost,

01:04:21.460 right?

01:04:22.120 And then you just kind of pursue this thing

01:04:23.860 to like express yourself,

01:04:25.640 you know?

01:04:26.220 Yeah.

01:04:26.600 This comedy thing,

01:04:27.540 you know what I mean?

01:04:27.920 And it's like,

01:04:28.700 I finally got to the point,

01:04:29.920 you know what I mean,

01:04:30.340 where,

01:04:30.660 you know,

01:04:30.820 I don't feel as invisible.

01:04:32.080 I feel like I'm a part of the world,

01:04:34.040 I guess,

01:04:34.420 you know?

01:04:34.660 It's so sad to even think that I even,

01:04:36.340 I need to do all this to feel that way,

01:04:38.100 you know what I mean?

01:04:39.720 It is,

01:04:40.400 but it makes sense though,

01:04:41.480 man,

01:04:41.800 especially what you're saying.

01:04:42.900 It's like,

01:04:43.280 I can really relate to that.

01:04:45.000 It's like,

01:04:45.760 Did you feel invisible?

01:04:47.160 Oh man,

01:04:47.900 I realized that like,

01:04:49.480 like my mom never like looked at me very much

01:04:52.380 or she just worked all,

01:04:54.140 she was gone.

01:04:55.860 And my dad wasn't around.

01:04:57.380 So yeah,

01:04:57.800 I think I felt like nobody ever saw me.

01:05:01.300 Like,

01:05:02.100 man,

01:05:02.360 nobody even knows,

01:05:03.740 nobody that I care about or anything even knows who I am.

01:05:06.340 You know?

01:05:06.780 Yeah.

01:05:07.260 Like I would give anything,

01:05:08.760 I think as a child,

01:05:10.480 give anything for somebody to just look at me.

01:05:13.620 You know?

01:05:14.520 Like,

01:05:14.940 man,

01:05:15.160 if somebody would have just sat and looked at me,

01:05:17.280 Yeah.

01:05:17.900 It's like,

01:05:18.460 would I even have done this job?

01:05:20.280 Sometimes I think about that.

01:05:21.900 No,

01:05:22.100 I honestly,

01:05:22.720 if I had like,

01:05:24.800 like,

01:05:25.180 I feel like normal parents that like listened and it goes,

01:05:28.740 how do you feel today?

01:05:29.840 Or,

01:05:30.020 you know what I mean?

01:05:30.300 I adore you.

01:05:31.380 I adore you.

01:05:32.240 Or give me a hug or any of that,

01:05:33.960 right?

01:05:34.500 I don't know.

01:05:35.220 I'd probably be different.

01:05:36.980 I'd probably be like,

01:05:37.860 you and I would probably be working for,

01:05:39.760 you know what I mean?

01:05:41.560 Amazon.

01:05:42.680 Ooh.

01:05:43.080 In the warehouse.

01:05:43.960 Delivery guys.

01:05:44.680 Delivery guys or something.

01:05:45.640 Yeah.

01:05:46.080 But we would have a woman,

01:05:47.080 we'd have kids,

01:05:48.460 paying mortgage.

01:05:49.980 It sounds horrible,

01:05:50.760 huh?

01:05:51.040 I don't know if it sounds horrible,

01:05:52.040 it sounds hard though.

01:05:53.560 It sounds really hard.

01:05:55.000 Especially given the way that you go,

01:05:56.580 like,

01:05:56.820 it sounds so hard for me to like get in.

01:05:59.160 It's like,

01:05:59.600 it's been so hard for me to trust like the affections of anything in the world.

01:06:03.580 Like really,

01:06:04.300 you know,

01:06:05.440 it's like,

01:06:06.840 so I,

01:06:07.800 I've always had that issue of like,

01:06:10.200 I used to say sometimes that I would,

01:06:12.120 if I,

01:06:12.460 if I jumped off a cliff,

01:06:13.540 if I heard a woman's high heels,

01:06:15.320 like I would find a way to get back up just to see her.

01:06:19.860 Like,

01:06:20.400 wait,

01:06:20.620 no,

01:06:20.880 no,

01:06:21.300 that doesn't make any sense.

01:06:22.160 So you're,

01:06:22.600 you're on the golden gate bridge.

01:06:24.800 Right.

01:06:25.120 And you're about to jump off.

01:06:26.360 You kill yourself.

01:06:27.100 And I do jump.

01:06:28.120 You do jump in midair.

01:06:29.500 You see,

01:06:30.160 you hear high heels.

01:06:32.320 You do what princess Leah did in that one movie and go back to the ship.

01:06:36.000 I would find a way to find,

01:06:37.600 I would find a way to get back up just to see if that woman would give me attention.

01:06:42.580 Yeah.

01:06:44.080 Like I would find,

01:06:45.420 it's like,

01:06:45.880 there's something inside of me that would give anything to have.

01:06:49.300 And it doesn't even have to be like sex.

01:06:50.820 It just has to be some sort of attention,

01:06:54.100 like a,

01:06:54.560 a look or just to see if they see me.

01:06:57.080 Yeah.

01:06:57.280 I see a girl that's saying,

01:06:58.740 I see you,

01:06:59.780 you matter.

01:07:01.580 And,

01:07:01.980 um,

01:07:02.440 I care about you.

01:07:04.000 Yeah.

01:07:04.340 Even if she says,

01:07:04.940 look,

01:07:05.080 I don't like it,

01:07:05.580 but I see you.

01:07:06.560 Yeah.

01:07:06.760 That I see.

01:07:07.560 I would even accept that.

01:07:08.780 Yeah.

01:07:08.920 I would accept that too.

01:07:09.700 Yeah.

01:07:09.860 Like,

01:07:10.100 Hey,

01:07:10.180 you're not my fave,

01:07:10.920 but yeah,

01:07:12.020 I see you bucko.

01:07:13.240 You know,

01:07:13.700 that I can almost live with.

01:07:15.580 Yeah.

01:07:16.220 Do you really,

01:07:16.920 you don't feel like you had that as a kid,

01:07:18.260 huh?

01:07:20.200 No,

01:07:20.580 I mean,

01:07:20.700 I tell this story sometimes where,

01:07:22.180 um,

01:07:23.380 and this,

01:07:23.780 this really kind of,

01:07:24.820 um,

01:07:25.760 sums up my childhood.

01:07:28.860 Um,

01:07:29.800 when I was eight years old,

01:07:30.840 we lived in Minnesota.

01:07:32.420 Really?

01:07:32.900 Yeah.

01:07:33.560 Edina,

01:07:34.060 Minnesota.

01:07:35.480 Really?

01:07:36.560 Cause you know what else happened up in there.

01:07:38.660 Yeah.

01:07:39.100 Highway to heaven,

01:07:39.760 bro.

01:07:40.200 I get it,

01:07:40.740 dude.

01:07:41.600 And I lived in Edina,

01:07:42.920 Minnesota.

01:07:43.720 Dover drive was my street.

01:07:45.480 And I remember I didn't have a lot of friends.

01:07:48.460 So one day I went,

01:07:49.500 I was like eight years old.

01:07:50.640 And I go,

01:07:51.880 mommy,

01:07:52.620 daddy,

01:07:53.780 could I have a pet?

01:07:56.340 And they go,

01:07:56.980 Oh,

01:07:57.380 what kind?

01:07:58.360 You know,

01:07:58.600 I go,

01:07:59.280 a cat.

01:08:00.720 So they got my cat,

01:08:02.280 a kitten.

01:08:03.500 And I remember that summer,

01:08:04.780 um,

01:08:05.160 I'll kind of get emotional even thinking about it.

01:08:06.900 I named him Tom because it's like,

01:08:10.320 I didn't know anything else.

01:08:11.340 Tom and Jerry was a thing back then.

01:08:12.900 So it was good.

01:08:13.720 Yeah.

01:08:13.920 So I named him Tom.

01:08:15.220 And I remember being in the garage because that he wouldn't be let in the house.

01:08:19.400 We got,

01:08:19.840 had like a little pen in the garage and I would play with him all day long for weeks.

01:08:27.120 And then one day I left,

01:08:29.520 I came home and Tom was gone.

01:08:31.920 I was freaking out.

01:08:33.480 Where's Tom?

01:08:34.000 Where's Tom?

01:08:34.740 And my dad looks at me and goes,

01:08:35.900 he no longer here.

01:08:38.580 I go,

01:08:39.240 what happened?

01:08:40.440 I put a pound.

01:08:43.020 No.

01:08:43.700 And I go,

01:08:44.260 why?

01:08:44.980 Mommy,

01:08:45.520 allergic.

01:08:47.340 And then I started crying and they go,

01:08:50.100 stop crying.

01:08:52.120 And then they left the garage.

01:08:53.540 And I remember sitting there,

01:08:55.240 tears.

01:08:56.300 There's no voice like,

01:08:57.720 you know,

01:08:57.920 no compromise.

01:08:59.560 No,

01:08:59.740 how do you feel?

01:09:01.040 You know what I mean?

01:09:01.640 No reason why.

01:09:02.680 No reason why.

01:09:03.620 There's no,

01:09:04.140 there's,

01:09:04.420 there's no voice.

01:09:06.140 Right.

01:09:06.800 And I just had to take it.

01:09:09.000 I was powerless.

01:09:10.680 Right.

01:09:11.620 And I just,

01:09:12.940 um,

01:09:14.220 that's like my upbringing in a nutshell.

01:09:16.080 Like,

01:09:16.360 I just felt like no one heard me.

01:09:18.300 And so that's why I learned to act out.

01:09:21.040 I learned to like,

01:09:22.160 you know,

01:09:22.560 be funny and,

01:09:24.300 um,

01:09:25.800 do shit.

01:09:26.580 But it's like,

01:09:27.140 that's why I have seven animals now.

01:09:29.100 Wow.

01:09:29.900 You know what I mean?

01:09:30.160 Because it's like,

01:09:30.880 I,

01:09:31.500 I love,

01:09:32.120 you know,

01:09:32.400 I love animals so much.

01:09:34.120 And it's like,

01:09:35.340 I don't know.

01:09:35.780 I just,

01:09:36.140 I'm just compensating for that.

01:09:37.920 You know what I mean?

01:09:38.160 I don't know what happened to that kid,

01:09:39.880 that,

01:09:40.240 that,

01:09:40.580 that cat.

01:09:41.260 But it's just like,

01:09:42.320 it just sums up like why I am the way I am.

01:09:45.020 I think,

01:09:45.380 you know,

01:09:46.500 I get so angry even thinking about it.

01:09:48.460 Oh dude.

01:09:49.460 You know what I mean?

01:09:50.240 Yeah.

01:09:50.840 And when he died two years ago.

01:09:55.060 Fuck.

01:09:55.520 How long did he live for?

01:09:57.060 Until he was 80.

01:09:58.020 And I loved the man.

01:09:59.260 I do.

01:09:59.560 I love my,

01:09:59.920 Oh,

01:09:59.940 your father,

01:10:00.640 my dad.

01:10:01.140 Oh,

01:10:01.580 you mean you were thinking about the cat?

01:10:03.200 I thought Tom.

01:10:05.840 I'm sorry.

01:10:09.000 That's really funny,

01:10:09.980 dude.

01:10:10.400 I'm sorry,

01:10:10.780 man.

01:10:11.180 Yeah.

01:10:11.480 My dad.

01:10:12.380 You know what I mean?

01:10:13.420 When he died,

01:10:14.360 I remember like,

01:10:16.580 just look at my brother and my mom.

01:10:18.520 They're just bawling.

01:10:20.200 You know what I mean?

01:10:21.300 They're just on the ground,

01:10:22.480 rolling around,

01:10:23.380 you know what I mean?

01:10:23.760 In tears.

01:10:24.560 You know what I mean?

01:10:25.420 And I literally was just looking at,

01:10:27.040 not a tear in my eye.

01:10:29.400 I was numb.

01:10:31.480 I was like,

01:10:32.660 this is fucking weird.

01:10:34.040 What do I do?

01:10:35.140 So I put sunglasses on

01:10:36.440 because I knew my uncles and aunts

01:10:37.680 were coming in,

01:10:38.420 right?

01:10:39.020 Because I wanted to pretend like I was like,

01:10:40.660 emotional about it,

01:10:42.020 but it's like,

01:10:42.680 I didn't feel anything.

01:10:43.540 And it's like,

01:10:43.880 I love it.

01:10:44.400 I miss him,

01:10:44.920 but it's like,

01:10:46.020 I know I just have all these unresolved,

01:10:47.600 like feelings toward him,

01:10:49.100 you know?

01:10:50.800 And that's,

01:10:51.240 you know,

01:10:51.580 it's like,

01:10:51.860 I would never do that to my own child.

01:10:56.120 You know what I mean?

01:10:57.500 Never.

01:10:57.860 And you also beat us and all that stuff,

01:10:59.360 but it's just like,

01:10:59.940 I don't know,

01:11:00.300 man.

01:11:01.820 It's weird.

01:11:02.380 I haven't really fully worked it out,

01:11:03.740 but I mean,

01:11:04.240 there's reasons why I'm so fucked up,

01:11:05.880 I think.

01:11:06.280 You know what I mean?

01:11:08.040 Yeah,

01:11:08.320 man,

01:11:08.480 I'm sorry that that happened to you.

01:11:10.080 It's all right,

01:11:10.780 man.

01:11:10.820 I really am.

01:11:11.440 No,

01:11:11.760 it's like,

01:11:12.660 that kind of shit's heartbreaking,

01:11:13.780 man.

01:11:14.200 That like,

01:11:14.660 stuff like that happens to kids.

01:11:16.300 Do you think,

01:11:19.440 cause I have things like that too,

01:11:20.640 man.

01:11:20.820 Sometimes there's like so much anger built up inside.

01:11:23.060 Some days I'm,

01:11:23.840 a lot of times I'm okay.

01:11:25.000 And then sometimes I'm so angry.

01:11:27.800 You know what I got?

01:11:28.600 I finally realized the other day while I was angry,

01:11:30.520 I realized,

01:11:32.300 cause I've always had like a lot of,

01:11:33.840 like,

01:11:36.140 anger against,

01:11:37.340 I think against my mother.

01:11:38.540 I didn't really know my dad that good.

01:11:39.840 So my mother's the only parent left.

01:11:42.780 And,

01:11:43.240 uh,

01:11:44.360 I get angry sometimes cause she missed me.

01:11:46.300 Missed out on me.

01:11:47.260 That's what I feel like.

01:11:48.400 Yeah.

01:11:48.920 Like she missed out on like whoever I was or whatever was unique about me or not unique or whatever my feelings were.

01:11:58.780 Like she missed out on all of it,

01:12:01.100 you know?

01:12:01.880 Uh,

01:12:02.400 yeah.

01:12:03.160 It just,

01:12:03.580 she's still alive,

01:12:04.200 right?

01:12:04.540 Yeah.

01:12:04.700 She's still alive.

01:12:05.160 I've seen photos with her.

01:12:06.120 Yeah.

01:12:06.340 Um,

01:12:07.020 do you help her?

01:12:08.000 Like if she needs help and stuff?

01:12:09.220 Yeah.

01:12:09.600 Yeah.

01:12:09.780 I help her out,

01:12:10.480 you know,

01:12:10.660 like with,

01:12:11.100 I help support and stuff like that.

01:12:12.800 You know,

01:12:13.180 I'm grateful that my mom,

01:12:14.220 I think she did the best she could.

01:12:15.300 And I think it's like,

01:12:16.300 it makes me sad also that my mom probably got treated that,

01:12:20.120 you know,

01:12:20.280 she only knew what she knew.

01:12:21.560 It's a cyclical thing.

01:12:22.460 It's so fucking crazy.

01:12:23.120 It's a cyclical thing.

01:12:24.200 Yeah.

01:12:24.220 Cause my parents,

01:12:24.880 my parents had it worse when they grew up.

01:12:26.840 Oh.

01:12:27.200 Way fucking worse.

01:12:28.960 You know what I mean?

01:12:29.180 I mean,

01:12:29.480 I could tell you fucking crazy stories that they told me,

01:12:31.800 but it's like,

01:12:32.940 you know,

01:12:33.460 but here's the thing,

01:12:34.820 Theo.

01:12:36.000 I literally still wouldn't change it for the world.

01:12:39.960 Because without all those past experiences,

01:12:42.640 right?

01:12:43.440 I wouldn't be who I am now.

01:12:45.180 And I think I'm pretty cool.

01:12:47.220 You know what I mean?

01:12:47.620 I mean,

01:12:47.800 I'm a fucked up guy,

01:12:48.700 but it's like,

01:12:49.200 you know,

01:12:49.900 I honestly look in the mirror.

01:12:51.220 I go,

01:12:51.500 you know what,

01:12:51.880 dude,

01:12:52.160 you,

01:12:52.480 I'm so proud of myself for some of the things that I persevered through.

01:12:57.680 You know,

01:12:58.420 I mean,

01:12:58.680 this business is hard.

01:13:00.840 You know what I mean?

01:13:01.500 There's a lot of rejection and a lot of like,

01:13:03.920 am I going to make it?

01:13:04.980 And this is years of,

01:13:06.460 you know,

01:13:06.680 now,

01:13:07.000 you know,

01:13:07.200 you have the internet and,

01:13:08.360 you know,

01:13:08.440 people do TikTok videos and they do different ways to make money.

01:13:11.220 But when I was coming up,

01:13:12.520 right,

01:13:12.660 you had one way you do the clubs,

01:13:14.880 you become an opener,

01:13:16.220 feature,

01:13:16.740 headliner,

01:13:17.480 you get TV spots,

01:13:18.640 hopefully you get a sitcom.

01:13:19.660 And that's pretty much it.

01:13:21.220 Yeah.

01:13:21.540 Right.

01:13:22.320 And it's like,

01:13:23.120 I just so proud that I was like,

01:13:25.760 I came to LA with no money.

01:13:27.420 I didn't know,

01:13:28.180 I didn't know anybody from show business.

01:13:29.960 And I crawled my way to where I am now.

01:13:32.820 And there's,

01:13:33.520 you know,

01:13:33.800 there's a resilience to that.

01:13:35.160 I think,

01:13:35.620 you know what I mean?

01:13:35.920 I always downplay it and I,

01:13:37.520 you know,

01:13:37.620 and I have low self-esteem,

01:13:38.620 but it's like,

01:13:39.240 but at the end of the day,

01:13:40.540 I'm a fucking warrior in a weird way.

01:13:42.980 Right.

01:13:43.420 Yeah.

01:13:43.940 Yeah.

01:13:44.200 It's like,

01:13:44.680 I did something because a lot of,

01:13:47.240 you know,

01:13:47.480 people that have had my kind of upbringing,

01:13:49.300 they turn to drugs,

01:13:50.040 they don't get sober,

01:13:51.520 they,

01:13:51.800 they perpetuate their behavior and they become shitty dads themselves or whatever it might be.

01:13:56.720 You know what I mean?

01:13:57.620 But it's like,

01:13:58.200 I chose to,

01:13:59.960 you know,

01:14:00.420 get sober frequently during my life and try to read books to help better myself,

01:14:06.560 to be a good guy.

01:14:07.880 You know what I mean?

01:14:08.320 You haven't given up.

01:14:09.600 I'm not going to give up.

01:14:10.440 You never give up on yourself.

01:14:11.380 Yeah,

01:14:11.560 no,

01:14:12.220 no.

01:14:12.580 And the resilience of it,

01:14:14.180 but it's like,

01:14:14.660 it's a tough business.

01:14:15.680 And so I wouldn't change anything for the world.

01:14:18.260 Would you?

01:14:20.200 Let's be real because you're Theo Vaughn.

01:14:22.960 Yeah,

01:14:23.400 I think it's,

01:14:24.200 well,

01:14:24.340 I think it would just goes back to that one thing that it's like,

01:14:27.540 uh,

01:14:28.560 if I didn't need attention,

01:14:32.480 if I didn't need,

01:14:33.500 like,

01:14:33.740 I remember a lot of my high school girlfriends and stuff,

01:14:36.080 I kept,

01:14:36.660 I'm still keeping in touch with their mothers,

01:14:38.840 you know?

01:14:39.340 What do you mean?

01:14:39.940 Yeah,

01:14:40.060 yeah,

01:14:40.140 yeah.

01:14:40.160 Like,

01:14:40.320 I'm still friends with their mothers.

01:14:41.500 Oh,

01:14:41.620 yeah,

01:14:41.840 yeah,

01:14:41.980 yeah.

01:14:42.240 Like,

01:14:42.400 friends with them.

01:14:43.200 Yeah.

01:14:43.900 Like,

01:14:44.120 even more than I talked to the girls,

01:14:45.560 it's like,

01:14:46.300 there was just such a pattern,

01:14:47.800 you know?

01:14:48.100 It's like,

01:14:48.860 I just wonder,

01:14:49.840 like,

01:14:50.320 if I would have been,

01:14:51.740 yeah,

01:14:51.960 I would have been different,

01:14:53.060 but,

01:14:53.840 so sometimes I think that makes me sad,

01:14:55.460 but,

01:14:56.020 uh,

01:14:56.860 no,

01:14:57.400 I don't think so,

01:14:58.080 man.

01:14:58.240 I think it's probably the same for you.

01:15:00.020 It's like,

01:15:01.140 I chose,

01:15:02.100 like,

01:15:03.380 if something in the world isn't going to see me,

01:15:05.860 then I'm going to take the hardest thing the world has,

01:15:08.300 supposedly,

01:15:08.840 which is standup comedy,

01:15:10.120 and I'm going to fucking,

01:15:11.560 make you see me,

01:15:14.420 you know?

01:15:14.800 Yeah.

01:15:15.320 I'm going to make you see me.

01:15:17.120 It's almost,

01:15:17.500 sometimes I think I needed everybody in the world to love me,

01:15:19.780 just because I wanted to get my mother to love me.

01:15:21.740 It's like,

01:15:22.380 I just figured eventually,

01:15:24.300 Wow.

01:15:24.820 it will get back to her.

01:15:26.200 Yeah.

01:15:26.520 And then I'll,

01:15:27.840 Wow.

01:15:28.200 feel some type of way,

01:15:29.200 you know?

01:15:29.640 And I'm not trying to get into self-pity either.

01:15:31.220 I got to be aware of that,

01:15:32.100 because I get into self-pity.

01:15:32.900 No,

01:15:33.080 yeah,

01:15:33.220 yeah,

01:15:33.360 no,

01:15:33.820 yeah.

01:15:34.200 But I think,

01:15:34.840 man,

01:15:35.000 you're a,

01:15:35.480 dude,

01:15:36.080 there are times people come up and take a picture,

01:15:37.760 like,

01:15:37.880 can I get a picture with you?

01:15:38.540 And then they're like,

01:15:38.920 can you try and look more like Bobby Lee in the picture?

01:15:41.420 They will literally want me to be like,

01:15:43.500 they're like,

01:15:43.820 can you squint a little?

01:15:45.440 Can you,

01:15:45.620 can you fucking,

01:15:48.640 No,

01:15:48.700 really?

01:15:49.200 Yeah.

01:15:49.620 Can you look more fat?

01:15:50.500 Can you,

01:15:51.180 hang on.

01:15:52.160 Yeah.

01:15:52.340 Can you dress like you sell timeshares at a carnival?

01:15:56.140 They're like,

01:15:56.720 can you help me out here?

01:15:57.960 Yeah,

01:15:58.040 yeah,

01:15:58.280 yeah,

01:15:58.360 yeah.

01:15:58.540 You know?

01:15:59.000 Dude,

01:15:59.160 I get girls going,

01:16:00.040 You are the most beloved.

01:16:01.660 You're,

01:16:02.240 I have girls on my DMs going,

01:16:04.420 you're all right,

01:16:05.140 but can you introduce me to Theo?

01:16:07.420 Oh.

01:16:08.020 Yeah.

01:16:09.300 And it's like,

01:16:09.900 everywhere I go,

01:16:10.880 it's like,

01:16:11.280 I don't know a single Bobby Lee fan that isn't a huge Theo Vaughn fan.

01:16:15.280 Yeah.

01:16:16.080 It's like,

01:16:16.340 I feel like you and I kind of cross.

01:16:19.500 We're very similar in many ways,

01:16:20.920 don't you think?

01:16:21.340 Or no?

01:16:22.160 Well,

01:16:22.540 I think especially in this way,

01:16:23.800 like even we're just talking about,

01:16:25.200 you know?

01:16:25.560 Yeah.

01:16:25.840 It's like,

01:16:26.360 that's one thing that I know in you is that,

01:16:29.160 you know,

01:16:29.540 we both have this similar,

01:16:31.400 a lot of issues with women.

01:16:33.320 Yeah.

01:16:34.260 And,

01:16:35.000 um,

01:16:36.200 yeah.

01:16:36.560 wanting to be seen and people that love us.

01:16:38.980 Like,

01:16:39.340 you have so many friends,

01:16:40.520 man.

01:16:41.140 It's like,

01:16:41.600 you too.

01:16:42.100 And it's like,

01:16:42.580 you know,

01:16:42.980 um,

01:16:44.060 listen,

01:16:44.740 I don't want to talk about the past,

01:16:47.560 but I just want to say that I believe,

01:16:51.100 I honestly,

01:16:52.080 I think my life would be not as cool without you in it.

01:16:54.860 I,

01:16:55.020 I,

01:16:55.160 I,

01:16:56.020 you know,

01:16:56.360 watching you rise,

01:16:58.280 becoming friends with you.

01:16:59.560 And,

01:17:00.060 um,

01:17:00.820 I don't know,

01:17:01.120 just watching you have such a unique voice and to see it blossom.

01:17:05.120 I just saying that I just feel like everything happens for a reason.

01:17:08.300 I,

01:17:08.780 and you're around this people,

01:17:10.380 certain people for a reason.

01:17:11.600 And it's like,

01:17:12.480 um,

01:17:13.400 I don't know.

01:17:13.640 I just wouldn't change any of this.

01:17:15.380 You know what I mean?

01:17:16.140 Even your best friend,

01:17:17.100 Brendan Schaub,

01:17:17.880 you know what I mean?

01:17:18.140 People online are like,

01:17:19.280 you know what I mean?

01:17:20.120 Do you hate Brendan?

01:17:21.360 What's going on there?

01:17:22.400 Or there's like people attacking me because of that little thing that I had on with Brendan.

01:17:27.020 And then they,

01:17:27.460 you know,

01:17:27.600 at the end of the day,

01:17:28.840 it's like,

01:17:29.700 I love Brendan.

01:17:31.040 I love you.

01:17:31.820 I love everyone.

01:17:32.640 You know what I mean?

01:17:33.020 We just had a little conflict,

01:17:34.540 you know what I mean?

01:17:34.860 But at the end of the day,

01:17:35.480 I wouldn't change any of it for the world.

01:17:37.900 You know,

01:17:38.280 even my breakup with Kalilah,

01:17:39.620 it's like,

01:17:40.080 you know,

01:17:40.980 it's just a part of life.

01:17:43.400 And,

01:17:43.820 you know,

01:17:44.100 we broke up in the most loving way.

01:17:46.040 possible because I love her.

01:17:47.780 And she's in many ways the love of my life.

01:17:50.500 You know,

01:17:50.660 she really is.

01:17:51.420 I love her more than I've ever loved anyone else.

01:17:55.680 You know what I mean?

01:17:56.860 She's a part of my life.

01:17:58.320 And,

01:17:58.660 you know,

01:17:58.860 if I,

01:17:59.440 if I was sick,

01:18:01.080 Kalilah would be the first person to be by my bedside,

01:18:03.480 you know,

01:18:04.280 and vice versa,

01:18:05.620 you know,

01:18:05.940 so,

01:18:06.480 I don't know.

01:18:07.520 I just wouldn't change it.

01:18:08.560 You know,

01:18:08.800 I was a little depressed earlier today,

01:18:10.500 but,

01:18:10.840 you know,

01:18:11.360 yeah,

01:18:12.660 I still wouldn't change anything really.

01:18:14.700 How about you?

01:18:15.920 Honestly,

01:18:16.360 man,

01:18:16.520 every time I hang out with you,

01:18:17.900 I feel,

01:18:18.760 I feel lucky.

01:18:21.820 That's what I feel like.

01:18:22.540 Honestly,

01:18:22.980 dick sucking fest.

01:18:24.340 You already blew a fucking emperor,

01:18:26.560 dude,

01:18:26.720 for no reason.

01:18:30.460 If all we're doing now is,

01:18:32.400 if we're,

01:18:33.440 if we've notched down a verbal blowjob,

01:18:35.500 then at least we're doing better.

01:18:36.720 But no,

01:18:37.180 man,

01:18:37.300 every time around,

01:18:37.900 I feel lucky to be around.

01:18:39.060 Yeah,

01:18:39.200 yeah,

01:18:39.360 it's cool.

01:18:39.840 And I think the world,

01:18:40.540 I think this,

01:18:41.620 we should get,

01:18:42.080 this is a good opportunity to force Fox.

01:18:44.580 Yeah,

01:18:45.040 fucking Fox Studios.

01:18:45.860 By Fox.

01:18:46.600 Okay,

01:18:46.840 so I want to let people know.

01:18:48.180 Yeah.

01:18:48.560 Theo and I,

01:18:49.340 and this,

01:18:49.680 let's just talk about this real quick,

01:18:50.940 okay?

01:18:51.160 All right.

01:18:51.540 So we get a call,

01:18:53.080 what,

01:18:53.360 a year ago?

01:18:54.160 Yeah.

01:18:55.200 We,

01:18:55.520 Theo and I separately get a call a year ago

01:18:57.940 from Fox the network.

01:19:00.280 Fox the network.

01:19:01.140 Right.

01:19:01.860 And they're like,

01:19:02.640 the president of Fox.

01:19:04.220 Yeah.

01:19:04.900 Are huge Bobby Lee,

01:19:06.100 Theo Vaughn fan.

01:19:06.900 And he would like to see both of us together on a TV show.

01:19:10.840 And we're like,

01:19:11.400 whatever.

01:19:12.040 We don't,

01:19:12.340 you know what I mean?

01:19:12.740 We don't even know if it's real or not.

01:19:14.540 But one day we have to zoom with him.

01:19:17.980 Yeah.

01:19:18.240 One day we got to zoom with the man.

01:19:19.580 With the man.

01:19:20.100 And other women too.

01:19:21.960 And great women.

01:19:23.080 Nice people.

01:19:24.140 Very nice people.

01:19:25.060 Yeah.

01:19:25.360 Yeah.

01:19:25.620 The best.

01:19:26.160 But I remember 10 minutes before the pitch,

01:19:29.480 we called each other and we're like,

01:19:31.560 what are we going to?

01:19:32.560 What's our idea?

01:19:33.240 What's our idea?

01:19:33.800 And we came up with it.

01:19:35.180 Yeah.

01:19:35.340 We came up with two in 10 minutes.

01:19:37.760 Yeah.

01:19:38.060 Do you remember that?

01:19:38.720 Yeah.

01:19:39.720 And then we think,

01:19:40.800 oh,

01:19:41.600 this is not going to work.

01:19:42.480 But we went into zoom and we pitched it and they liked,

01:19:46.780 really liked one of them.

01:19:47.820 Yeah.

01:19:48.000 And they gave us,

01:19:50.040 they gave us a deal.

01:19:51.500 Yeah.

01:19:51.840 They gave us a deal to be detectives,

01:19:53.460 detectives.

01:19:54.120 And we,

01:19:54.880 but the deal hasn't closed.

01:19:57.060 We don't know what the fuck is going on.

01:19:58.660 It's been eight months.

01:19:59.420 It's been eight months.

01:20:00.160 We want to get going on it.

01:20:01.720 Yeah.

01:20:02.080 Right.

01:20:02.360 Or we will,

01:20:03.240 or we'll take it somewhere else.

01:20:04.540 Yeah.

01:20:04.760 So Fox either get it or not get it or not get it.

01:20:08.040 Yeah.

01:20:08.360 Yeah.

01:20:08.620 And I'm serious.

01:20:09.280 Let's fucking seal this fucking thing.

01:20:10.860 Yeah.

01:20:11.280 Cause we don't want to do it because it's someplace.

01:20:13.400 We want to do it because we want to do something together.

01:20:16.220 Yeah.

01:20:16.900 You know?

01:20:17.360 Yeah.

01:20:17.540 Yeah.

01:20:17.660 We want to do something together.

01:20:19.020 You know what I mean?

01:20:19.360 And if a place supports us,

01:20:21.200 then that's awesome.

01:20:22.320 And we'll support them.

01:20:23.820 I think I do feel a little unsupported that it's taken this long.

01:20:26.780 It's not.

01:20:27.180 This is the way these things work.

01:20:28.860 That's why I don't do that kind of shit.

01:20:30.360 But I would with you though.

01:20:32.540 Well,

01:20:32.680 I mean,

01:20:32.980 I,

01:20:33.300 Oh,

01:20:34.080 the whole reason why we're doing it,

01:20:35.340 cause we want to go to Hawaii.

01:20:37.400 Yeah,

01:20:37.600 that's true.

01:20:38.140 So our whole thing was this.

01:20:39.420 We're like,

01:20:39.800 whatever it is,

01:20:41.080 we just make it Hawaii.

01:20:42.300 Right.

01:20:42.700 Right.

01:20:44.940 Cause I just imagine like,

01:20:46.060 even if it's shitty,

01:20:46.940 right?

01:20:47.480 We're in fucking Hawaii.

01:20:48.720 You know what I mean?

01:20:49.640 And then you and I could pod there or whatever.

01:20:51.540 You know what I mean?

01:20:52.060 But like,

01:20:52.760 you know,

01:20:53.160 Hawaii definitely.

01:20:54.020 You know what I mean?

01:20:54.500 Yeah.

01:20:54.920 Two single guys in Hawaii with a TV show.

01:20:58.060 Oh,

01:20:58.520 dude.

01:20:58.700 Oh my God.

01:20:59.540 Crying at night in a meeting together.

01:21:01.220 yeah.

01:21:01.760 Eating katsu all night and fucking,

01:21:03.700 you know what I mean?

01:21:04.120 Whoa,

01:21:04.460 no cat for me.

01:21:06.260 Yeah,

01:21:06.740 yeah.

01:21:06.840 Okay.

01:21:07.300 We're not doing that,

01:21:08.520 dude.

01:21:08.800 It's different.

01:21:09.280 Katsu's different than cat,

01:21:10.320 sure it is,

01:21:11.480 dude.

01:21:11.740 It doesn't sound super,

01:21:13.320 it doesn't sound super different,

01:21:15.360 man.

01:21:15.720 Yeah.

01:21:16.080 Yeah,

01:21:16.480 dude,

01:21:16.720 that shit with Brendan though was fucking crazy.

01:21:18.300 That was like the worst game of clue I'd ever seen in the world.

01:21:20.700 Dude,

01:21:20.800 when you guys did that thing,

01:21:21.840 it's like he had like these fought,

01:21:24.200 the files and the full,

01:21:25.540 and you guys had like missing people.

01:21:28.040 There was some guy beating kids on Reddit.

01:21:31.420 Like,

01:21:31.500 how do you,

01:21:32.440 I can't even get into my Reddit.

01:21:33.920 How do you beat kids on there?

01:21:35.180 Like the,

01:21:35.980 that was the fucking,

01:21:37.040 the whole thing was unbelievable.

01:21:38.860 The whole thing was unbelievable.

01:21:40.320 And I was just like,

01:21:41.280 you know,

01:21:41.520 I don't,

01:21:42.620 I don't want this shit to be fucking happening,

01:21:45.260 but it was retarded.

01:21:48.980 I know.

01:21:49.720 I know.

01:21:50.360 It was pretty retarded.

01:21:51.540 Yeah.

01:21:52.020 I mean,

01:21:52.560 the things they were saying was like,

01:21:54.620 I had,

01:21:55.380 I wouldn't even know,

01:21:56.100 I didn't even know what the fuck they were talking about.

01:21:57.720 I was like,

01:21:58.600 what Reddit?

01:21:59.480 And what's going on?

01:22:00.640 You know what I mean?

01:22:00.900 And they got,

01:22:01.340 you're the one.

01:22:02.860 I'm the one.

01:22:03.760 What?

01:22:04.540 You know what I mean?

01:22:04.900 I don't have a computer.

01:22:06.880 And then it's like,

01:22:07.700 I remember like,

01:22:08.260 here's the funny thing.

01:22:09.500 Brendan doesn't own a computer.

01:22:11.600 I know.

01:22:12.080 I know.

01:22:12.360 He doesn't own a computer.

01:22:13.260 He doesn't.

01:22:13.980 And then I remember Delia calling me and going,

01:22:16.040 Delia goes,

01:22:16.920 you don't own a computer.

01:22:18.260 And I go,

01:22:19.540 I know.

01:22:20.700 Right.

01:22:21.160 He doesn't know that.

01:22:22.240 Yeah.

01:22:22.800 He thinks I'm,

01:22:23.420 I don't even know how to log into anything.

01:22:25.160 You know what I mean?

01:22:25.500 Anyway.

01:22:26.360 You know what I mean?

01:22:26.800 And I saw him,

01:22:27.600 I've seen a couple of times and I've been very cordial.

01:22:29.540 You know what I mean?

01:22:30.000 Hopefully,

01:22:31.020 you know what I mean?

01:22:31.240 We can do this,

01:22:32.020 you know what I mean?

01:22:32.340 And get back,

01:22:33.420 but it'll take a while.

01:22:34.820 I think.

01:22:35.400 Oh,

01:22:35.600 I think you guys,

01:22:36.480 I mean,

01:22:36.800 it's,

01:22:37.160 I'd never heard him have any animosity.

01:22:39.240 I don't think he ever does.

01:22:40.400 Yeah.

01:22:40.600 Yeah.

01:22:40.940 Vernon never really does have any animosity towards anybody.

01:22:43.760 Yeah.

01:22:44.040 Yeah.

01:22:45.160 Which is crazy to think that he came from a fighting world where they had that so much animosity.

01:22:48.980 That's something that's always interesting about him.

01:22:50.680 But,

01:22:50.960 he's one of the hardest workers that I know.

01:22:53.380 But that whole thing was just fucking absolutely retarded.

01:22:56.080 I'm like,

01:22:56.360 is everybody retarded?

01:22:57.600 And now it's like,

01:22:58.460 it's like,

01:22:59.240 it was like the game of Clue though.

01:23:00.680 It was like,

01:23:01.020 somebody did it in the fucking,

01:23:02.640 you know,

01:23:03.080 in a mop closet with a bad server.

01:23:05.740 Yeah.

01:23:06.180 Yeah.

01:23:06.820 Yeah.

01:23:07.040 I didn't even know,

01:23:08.280 you know.

01:23:08.580 Yeah.

01:23:09.000 It was also like,

01:23:09.780 I was at the time when they made the calls,

01:23:12.160 I was on set shooting something.

01:23:14.080 It was like,

01:23:14.840 it really just,

01:23:15.400 the timing was really weird.

01:23:16.940 And it's like,

01:23:17.700 whenever somebody's like,

01:23:19.100 you know,

01:23:19.400 accused me of something I didn't do.

01:23:21.040 Right.

01:23:21.440 It feels like traumatic almost like,

01:23:24.420 because it's like the way they were talking,

01:23:26.780 you know what I mean?

01:23:27.040 It's like,

01:23:27.980 you know,

01:23:28.160 they were like,

01:23:28.800 no,

01:23:29.300 I don't,

01:23:29.560 bully is the wrong word,

01:23:31.160 but they were just really adamant about it.

01:23:33.500 And they had a lot of feelings behind it.

01:23:35.400 Well,

01:23:35.580 they believed it.

01:23:36.380 I don't think,

01:23:36.880 I think these kind of maybe still do.

01:23:38.840 I don't know.

01:23:39.240 Well,

01:23:39.360 I don't think they was making it up.

01:23:41.120 You think they still believe it?

01:23:42.340 I don't know.

01:23:46.080 I don't know.

01:23:46.920 I feel like they still believe it.

01:23:48.100 Vernon and I haven't really spoken about it much.

01:23:49.820 Yeah.

01:23:50.120 I try not to talk about it either.

01:23:51.520 But I don't know.

01:23:52.440 But I thought the whole thing was just,

01:23:54.740 I mean,

01:23:55.500 it was,

01:23:56.000 but it was interesting too.

01:23:57.440 It's all,

01:23:58.060 it's all like,

01:23:58.980 the world is just,

01:23:59.860 it's all this,

01:24:00.660 it's all this crazy,

01:24:02.840 just drama,

01:24:04.600 this play.

01:24:05.360 And we're just taking different paths through it.

01:24:08.260 It was fucking pretty cool.

01:24:09.520 But you know what?

01:24:10.160 I kind of,

01:24:10.700 I would not change that either because it's like,

01:24:12.820 you know.

01:24:13.600 No,

01:24:13.980 we've been really lucky.

01:24:15.000 We're lucky.

01:24:15.580 Yeah.

01:24:15.860 We're really lucky.

01:24:16.400 And it's funny because sometimes I used to think,

01:24:18.900 man,

01:24:19.160 sometimes it's like,

01:24:19.960 I was like,

01:24:20.620 man,

01:24:20.820 if I laughed more as a human,

01:24:22.900 then I would be out in the crowd enjoying the show.

01:24:25.040 Sometimes I want to be the guy in the crowd,

01:24:26.880 just having a good time.

01:24:28.480 But I felt like I never even could be that guy.

01:24:31.040 Yeah.

01:24:31.220 So I had to be the other guy.

01:24:34.460 Yeah.

01:24:34.960 Yeah.

01:24:35.520 You're right.

01:24:36.180 Like when I'm in a show,

01:24:38.180 are you having a good time?

01:24:39.980 Sometimes I am.

01:24:41.040 But I look at the people in the crowd and be like,

01:24:42.980 oh man,

01:24:43.480 I wish I had like the patience and the,

01:24:46.840 the just ability to sit and be just like,

01:24:51.700 enjoy something from someone.

01:24:53.520 Like I,

01:24:53.840 sometimes I don't,

01:24:54.480 I struggle with that.

01:24:55.340 I think,

01:24:55.660 or I don't know.

01:24:56.640 Sometimes I'm envious of the people in the audience having a good time.

01:24:59.700 Yeah.

01:25:00.380 I definitely have to force myself into doing things because I'm trying to like,

01:25:06.420 because I really want to change that about myself.

01:25:08.940 You know what I mean?

01:25:09.160 Because generally I don't even show up to anything.

01:25:10.600 I see you working on it,

01:25:11.520 man.

01:25:11.660 You've been doing a lot of podcasts.

01:25:12.980 You're staying busy.

01:25:13.700 You did the movie.

01:25:14.500 You're staying a lot.

01:25:15.120 You're staying really busy.

01:25:15.840 I've been going to like,

01:25:17.560 like premieres.

01:25:18.520 It's like,

01:25:18.840 you know what I mean?

01:25:19.200 Like I've,

01:25:19.760 like I've been invited to premieres.

01:25:21.420 I've not gone to a single fucking one,

01:25:23.320 bro.

01:25:24.180 I just,

01:25:24.580 I don't want to sit there.

01:25:26.140 I don't,

01:25:26.340 I don't know what to say around the people.

01:25:28.200 Yeah.

01:25:28.300 You get nervous,

01:25:28.900 but you get anxious.

01:25:29.620 I get so anxious.

01:25:30.240 And then it's like,

01:25:31.140 but what I've been doing to do,

01:25:32.280 this has been working for me,

01:25:33.200 dude.

01:25:33.620 The last two years,

01:25:35.040 what I've been doing is,

01:25:40.600 I go in my head,

01:25:42.340 I go,

01:25:42.880 they know,

01:25:44.180 they know I'm not talented.

01:25:45.800 Or I go,

01:25:46.820 I don't want to talk to the producers or the director because I don't want to burn any bridges.

01:25:51.200 You know what I mean?

01:25:51.680 Or if I feel uncomfortable,

01:25:52.960 I'm not going to say,

01:25:53.560 but I've done the reverse now.

01:25:55.420 I've gone up to them.

01:25:56.580 I go,

01:25:56.880 what do you think of this?

01:25:57.920 This is my ideas.

01:25:59.180 I become friends with them.

01:26:01.180 I treat them like anyone else,

01:26:02.760 like a fucking comic or whatever.

01:26:04.420 Right.

01:26:04.760 It's gotten so much better for me.

01:26:06.400 Wow.

01:26:06.660 Yeah.

01:26:06.860 Yeah.

01:26:07.000 Now I feel way more relaxed.

01:26:09.320 I feel a part of the process.

01:26:10.600 Dude,

01:26:10.900 when I did fucking Harold and Kumar,

01:26:13.040 this is 20 years ago,

01:26:15.580 dude,

01:26:16.140 I had never taken an acting class,

01:26:17.720 bro.

01:26:18.140 Right.

01:26:18.760 And all of a sudden I'm being flown to Toronto and I'm on set and there's just,

01:26:23.900 I've never seen cameras like that before.

01:26:26.120 And I had some lines,

01:26:27.580 you know what I mean?

01:26:27.780 Some chunky things I had to say.

01:26:29.540 And I remember I spent three days in my hotel room writing every single word down backwards and forwards.

01:26:37.180 So I wouldn't forget.

01:26:38.380 And then when I was on the set,

01:26:39.960 I remember I didn't talk to anybody and I was petrified.

01:26:42.440 I couldn't breathe.

01:26:43.920 And they would go action and I would just do it.

01:26:46.100 You know what I mean?

01:26:46.880 And then like,

01:26:47.920 I wouldn't ask,

01:26:48.860 you know,

01:26:49.180 is that right?

01:26:50.000 Should I do it again?

01:26:50.780 You know what I mean?

01:26:51.380 I just was not even there.

01:26:52.900 I wasn't even present.

01:26:53.860 That's like metering sex.

01:26:54.900 I feel like they say action.

01:26:57.920 I just do it real fast.

01:26:58.960 How long do you last?

01:27:01.180 Oh man.

01:27:01.720 No,

01:27:01.780 be real.

01:27:02.600 Oh,

01:27:03.420 I would say probably

01:27:06.700 four minutes.

01:27:16.860 Wow.

01:27:17.680 Is that enough?

01:27:18.580 That's not enough.

01:27:20.140 Four minutes?

01:27:22.180 Maybe five,

01:27:22.840 maybe five.

01:27:23.300 What time of year is it?

01:27:24.920 Oh,

01:27:25.100 it depends.

01:27:25.940 If it's colder out,

01:27:26.840 I'll stay in there.

01:27:28.000 Yeah.

01:27:28.780 What you do is this,

01:27:30.000 my move.

01:27:31.180 You go,

01:27:31.520 I'm about to come,

01:27:32.060 I'm about to come,

01:27:32.540 and you pull out.

01:27:33.780 Yeah.

01:27:34.140 Right?

01:27:34.500 And you know what they call that?

01:27:37.160 They call it edging.

01:27:40.160 Oh yeah.

01:27:40.860 Yeah,

01:27:41.140 yeah,

01:27:41.240 yeah.

01:27:41.720 When you're about to come and you don't do it,

01:27:43.500 so you're on the edge.

01:27:44.640 Oh,

01:27:44.880 and then what do you do?

01:27:45.860 Then you pull out.

01:27:46.880 Scare your neighbors?

01:27:47.720 What do you do?

01:27:48.380 No,

01:27:48.640 no.

01:27:48.920 You pull out,

01:27:49.780 right?

01:27:50.080 And you go to the bathroom,

01:27:51.240 you wash your face,

01:27:52.460 you let it go down a little bit,

01:27:53.680 and you come back for the second.

01:27:55.480 And what are they doing the whole time there?

01:27:56.920 Do you put the TV on or something?

01:27:58.160 No,

01:27:58.360 but let me have the Kindle,

01:27:59.420 maybe reading something,

01:28:00.140 I don't know,

01:28:00.580 you know?

01:28:01.500 But like,

01:28:01.980 I don't,

01:28:02.740 I don't think I have a Kindle.

01:28:04.360 No,

01:28:04.680 but you,

01:28:04.980 what you do is you say,

01:28:06.260 you be honest,

01:28:06.960 and this is yours,

01:28:07.420 I'm about to come,

01:28:08.240 I don't want to come yet.

01:28:09.180 You pull out,

01:28:09.920 I wouldn't go,

01:28:10.560 you just go to the edge of the bed,

01:28:11.980 and just give me a second,

01:28:12.960 and you go back in,

01:28:13.900 and then you,

01:28:14.420 you know what I mean,

01:28:14.780 go to round two.

01:28:15.600 My point is,

01:28:16.060 is that you don't have,

01:28:17.160 you have the,

01:28:18.000 you have the opportunity to stop.

01:28:20.840 Yeah.

01:28:21.180 Or is it when you're in there,

01:28:22.460 you just have to keep going?

01:28:23.880 I feel like I'm like those Thai miners,

01:28:25.780 or whatever,

01:28:26.060 they couldn't get out,

01:28:26.840 you know?

01:28:28.280 It would be the soccer team,

01:28:29.300 you mean?

01:28:29.560 Yeah,

01:28:29.820 yeah,

01:28:30.020 yeah,

01:28:30.440 the Chilean miners.

01:28:32.620 Yeah.

01:28:33.120 Yeah,

01:28:33.440 yeah,

01:28:33.560 yeah.

01:28:33.700 I mean,

01:28:33.980 them boys,

01:28:34.400 you got to respect them,

01:28:35.260 dude.

01:28:35.480 I know.

01:28:36.180 You know,

01:28:36.860 they stayed in there.

01:28:38.080 I would have died.

01:28:39.420 You think?

01:28:40.840 Dude,

01:28:41.740 if I was at Thai soccer team,

01:28:45.240 and I was in a mountain,

01:28:46.720 like in the fucking caverns

01:28:48.540 with water and stuff,

01:28:50.060 and imagine you're claustrophobic.

01:28:51.660 Okay.

01:28:52.460 It's dark,

01:28:53.060 and now what?

01:28:53.780 I would probably take a shoot.

01:28:54.380 You be the leader,

01:28:54.960 you tell me,

01:28:55.380 and I'm gonna,

01:28:56.000 everybody else is kind of sleeping,

01:28:57.260 or they're sick from the gas,

01:28:58.520 all right?

01:28:58.920 There's no gas.

01:28:59.540 And you tap me on the shoulder.

01:29:00.420 There's no gas.

01:29:01.380 Huh?

01:29:01.920 Why is there gas?

01:29:02.580 There's methane gas in the bottom.

01:29:03.920 Oh, there is?

01:29:04.720 Let's see a picture of them.

01:29:05.620 Look at them, look at them.

01:29:05.920 Pick out which ones we will be.

01:29:07.460 All right, dude.

01:29:08.360 Let's zoom in on these boys,

01:29:09.460 all right?

01:29:09.960 Yeah.

01:29:10.620 Oh,

01:29:10.740 that's you on the right.

01:29:12.780 Zoom in on that one

01:29:13.420 on the far right.

01:29:17.740 Yeah,

01:29:18.220 that's me down.

01:29:19.900 Oh.

01:29:20.640 But you know what I would be like?

01:29:22.220 I wouldn't even be like that.

01:29:23.220 Do you ever see Rambo 2?

01:29:26.140 Rambo 2?

01:29:27.720 Yes.

01:29:28.260 Rambo 2.

01:29:28.980 And remember,

01:29:29.520 he hid in the cliff,

01:29:30.960 right?

01:29:31.840 A soldier walked by,

01:29:32.760 and his eyes popped out.

01:29:33.780 You thought it was a part of the cliff.

01:29:34.900 I would be like a part of the cliff.

01:29:37.320 Okay.

01:29:37.880 Well,

01:29:38.160 we gotta go.

01:29:38.680 We gotta get out of the cliff.

01:29:39.700 Right,

01:29:39.940 and I would probably undo myself.

01:29:41.440 Okay,

01:29:41.820 okay.

01:29:42.760 No,

01:29:43.000 Theo,

01:29:43.260 Theo,

01:29:43.420 undo me,

01:29:44.160 right?

01:29:44.480 And you would like scratch off the sand.

01:29:46.200 Off the sand and dirt.

01:29:47.120 Okay,

01:29:47.320 so you're hiding,

01:29:47.980 even though it's just us down there.

01:29:50.320 Now,

01:29:50.680 I'm number 20 down over here,

01:29:52.260 the guy that looks a little bit scared,

01:29:53.480 but he's gonna come through in the end.

01:29:54.640 Which one?

01:29:55.020 Right there.

01:29:55.620 You're that guy?

01:29:56.200 Yeah,

01:29:56.360 let me see him.

01:29:56.880 Zoom in on him a little bit.

01:29:58.700 Let's let these boys live a little.

01:30:00.320 Gang,

01:30:00.620 that's me.

01:30:01.120 No,

01:30:01.200 gang,

01:30:01.360 no.

01:30:01.880 No,

01:30:02.120 that's us two in the back.

01:30:03.600 Okay,

01:30:03.860 let's see.

01:30:04.640 No,

01:30:04.960 so I'm back of that.

01:30:06.000 Those two right there,

01:30:06.920 we're holding each other,

01:30:08.400 dude.

01:30:08.700 Okay.

01:30:09.320 Right?

01:30:09.740 I'm the guy in the front.

01:30:10.680 You're holding me in the back.

01:30:11.920 Okay.

01:30:12.480 Right?

01:30:12.880 And then we're like,

01:30:14.440 we're Asian,

01:30:15.120 so what do we desire?

01:30:16.240 And what pervert took this picture

01:30:17.460 and probably sold it online immediately,

01:30:19.180 I bet?

01:30:19.440 What if there was a,

01:30:22.080 what if there was a pedophile

01:30:23.280 that went down there

01:30:24.040 and just

01:30:24.520 threw the phone off

01:30:25.420 and swip out?

01:30:26.640 Oh,

01:30:26.900 I'm sure.

01:30:27.480 Dude,

01:30:27.880 I used to work at a summer camp.

01:30:29.120 This man would take pictures of us

01:30:30.520 every day,

01:30:31.140 right?

01:30:31.340 I got a new job as a security advisor

01:30:34.200 or whatever,

01:30:34.660 counselor.

01:30:35.240 Yeah.

01:30:35.700 And so I'm out there

01:30:36.340 with my crew of kids,

01:30:37.640 five and six years old.

01:30:38.700 We swim every day.

01:30:39.500 This man's taking pictures,

01:30:40.620 this guy Mr. Bill,

01:30:41.360 and I'm talking to him and stuff.

01:30:42.920 So I go get paid on Friday

01:30:44.280 and I said,

01:30:44.680 man,

01:30:44.900 what is Mr. Bill,

01:30:45.800 when do we get to see

01:30:46.400 any of those pictures?

01:30:47.160 And like,

01:30:47.400 who the fuck's Mr. Bill?

01:30:49.440 That's taking pictures of us

01:30:50.500 at the pool every day

01:30:51.280 and they're like,

01:30:51.560 we don't have anybody

01:30:52.240 named Mr. Bill.

01:30:53.760 Really?

01:30:54.940 100%.

01:30:55.260 Oh,

01:30:55.520 wow,

01:30:55.640 wow,

01:30:55.980 wow,

01:30:56.460 wow.

01:30:57.100 The dude was a fucking pedophile.

01:30:58.320 So you think he was jerking off

01:30:59.360 to your phone?

01:30:59.840 We're all down there posing

01:31:00.860 with the pictures

01:31:01.560 and doing all kinds of things.

01:31:02.800 Are you being real?

01:31:03.660 Yeah,

01:31:04.080 we had no idea.

01:31:05.880 Okay,

01:31:06.300 so that's you and me.

01:31:07.100 We're in the cave.

01:31:07.520 Yeah,

01:31:07.660 we're in the cave.

01:31:08.040 How do we get out?

01:31:09.680 You wake me up.

01:31:10.900 I'm sleeping.

01:31:12.300 Yeah,

01:31:12.520 yeah.

01:31:13.000 Hey,

01:31:13.600 Tongo.

01:31:15.120 Is that your name in it?

01:31:17.000 Yes.

01:31:17.700 Yeah.

01:31:17.920 What's my name?

01:31:18.740 Huh?

01:31:20.400 Ramrock.

01:31:22.220 Tongo and Ramrock?

01:31:23.260 Yeah.

01:31:24.180 Tongo,

01:31:24.720 get up.

01:31:25.580 Yes.

01:31:26.260 Yeah.

01:31:27.020 What are we going to do?

01:31:28.400 Oh,

01:31:28.680 Ramrock.

01:31:29.580 I don't know.

01:31:31.480 I was sleeping.

01:31:33.100 Okay,

01:31:33.600 go back.

01:31:35.520 Right.

01:31:36.180 And then what I would do

01:31:37.240 is I would test the water.

01:31:39.340 Okay.

01:31:40.060 Every hour,

01:31:40.920 I would go,

01:31:41.600 I dunk my head in

01:31:42.840 to the water

01:31:43.420 because what happened

01:31:44.420 was they swam,

01:31:45.380 right,

01:31:46.020 right,

01:31:46.340 and then the,

01:31:46.920 and then like,

01:31:47.500 what a swell came in

01:31:48.820 and filled all that up

01:31:49.720 and they couldn't get back,

01:31:50.520 right?

01:31:51.060 So I would test.

01:31:51.760 Don't tell me what happens.

01:31:52.340 I don't know what happens.

01:31:53.780 What do you mean?

01:31:54.380 Don't tell me what happens with them.

01:31:55.360 I know there's a doc,

01:31:56.240 there's like,

01:31:56.840 I want to read it or whatever

01:31:57.600 when we get out of here,

01:31:58.380 but keep going.

01:32:01.060 I don't know what the fuck

01:32:02.040 happened to them.

01:32:02.760 Okay,

01:32:02.980 good.

01:32:03.440 Yeah,

01:32:03.640 yeah,

01:32:03.760 yeah,

01:32:03.920 yeah.

01:32:04.120 I don't know the conclusion.

01:32:05.140 I know they lived.

01:32:06.080 Oh,

01:32:06.420 fuck.

01:32:07.500 You don't think they lived?

01:32:10.560 Oh,

01:32:10.960 you're just like my ex-girlfriend.

01:32:12.220 She just can't not tell you

01:32:13.600 what happened.

01:32:13.700 Yeah,

01:32:14.340 yeah.

01:32:14.860 they lived,

01:32:15.720 bro.

01:32:16.400 Dude,

01:32:16.740 obviously they lived.

01:32:18.340 Who took the fucking photo?

01:32:20.320 Some pervert.

01:32:20.600 It wasn't a pedophile.

01:32:22.080 It was the people

01:32:22.820 that rescued them.

01:32:24.440 Oh,

01:32:24.660 you think pedophiles

01:32:25.520 are only above ground,

01:32:26.880 dude?

01:32:27.580 You're out of your mind.

01:32:28.620 Oh,

01:32:28.780 those are ground pedophiles?

01:32:29.840 I think so,

01:32:30.640 bro.

01:32:31.160 They do ground work?

01:32:32.200 I'm sure they do,

01:32:33.240 man.

01:32:33.760 Here's some pedophile

01:32:34.540 doing group work.

01:32:35.620 Oh,

01:32:35.940 wow.

01:32:36.800 No,

01:32:37.000 that was the rescue team.

01:32:37.900 They took the photo

01:32:38.620 and then they're like,

01:32:40.500 what's up?

01:32:40.940 What's up?

01:32:42.400 This guy's just,

01:32:43.320 why is he so mad?

01:32:44.420 He's just asthma,

01:32:45.200 I think.

01:32:46.040 But he seems like

01:32:46.580 he's in a bad mood

01:32:47.600 or something.

01:32:47.880 I just said,

01:32:48.220 when I came in here,

01:32:49.640 you didn't say,

01:32:50.060 he didn't smile at me

01:32:51.120 or nothing.

01:32:51.700 Maybe something,

01:32:52.400 it's something.

01:32:53.120 Well,

01:32:53.240 I'm not a big enough guest,

01:32:54.180 is that what it is,

01:32:54.780 bro?

01:32:54.920 I was just checking the camera.

01:32:56.040 I know,

01:32:56.280 but when I came in here,

01:32:57.040 in the first place,

01:32:57.720 you weren't smiling

01:32:58.360 or nothing.

01:32:59.620 I'm trying to focus

01:33:00.880 on the thing.

01:33:01.420 I got cameras got focused,

01:33:02.540 make sure the audio's good.

01:33:03.460 I just,

01:33:03.720 you know,

01:33:04.700 I'm excited,

01:33:05.640 personally.

01:33:07.300 I'm just focused.

01:33:08.760 Nice.

01:33:09.300 How long have you been

01:33:10.140 working with him?

01:33:10.640 Zach's been working here

01:33:12.960 probably for two months.

01:33:14.360 One year,

01:33:15.340 but yeah,

01:33:15.840 close.

01:33:16.340 Oh,

01:33:16.620 damn.

01:33:16.900 Oh,

01:33:17.100 damn.

01:33:17.320 My bad.

01:33:19.180 You got that.

01:33:20.480 But as full time?

01:33:22.840 Yeah,

01:33:23.080 two,

01:33:23.240 three months.

01:33:23.860 Okay.

01:33:24.080 There we go.

01:33:24.780 So he wasn't wrong.

01:33:25.440 That's what I meant.

01:33:25.980 I'm sorry.

01:33:26.200 That's what he meant.

01:33:26.880 Did he go to Nashville with you?

01:33:28.100 Grateful to have him.

01:33:29.240 No,

01:33:29.760 he does not.

01:33:30.960 Him and Colin work here,

01:33:32.380 and I would,

01:33:33.500 you know what I want to do

01:33:34.340 is I want to go to Nashville.

01:33:36.420 You're not coming back out here,

01:33:37.480 right?

01:33:38.200 Yeah,

01:33:38.420 I am.

01:33:39.040 You're going to move back out here?

01:33:40.080 Oh,

01:33:40.300 I don't know.

01:33:40.740 I'm going to go test out Austin

01:33:41.800 for one month in January

01:33:42.980 when Joe's Club opens up.

01:33:44.200 Oh,

01:33:44.400 that's right.

01:33:45.840 Should I test it out too?

01:33:47.080 That would be fun.

01:33:48.080 There's three stages there,

01:33:49.160 four.

01:33:50.060 Once his opens up,

01:33:50.760 there's four.

01:33:51.100 Do you want me to get an Airbnb

01:33:52.760 for a month?

01:33:53.480 Dude,

01:33:53.620 what if we lived there

01:33:54.220 for one month?

01:33:55.080 But can we live together?

01:33:56.260 Yeah.

01:33:57.600 Tim Dillon has a house.

01:33:59.280 We can rent it from him.

01:33:59.960 I'm being real.

01:34:00.840 Do you want an Airbnb?

01:34:02.320 How do you say Airbnb?

01:34:03.340 Airbnb.

01:34:04.300 Oh,

01:34:04.760 I think if it's from a black guy,

01:34:06.620 it's Airbnb.

01:34:08.380 Yeah.

01:34:08.740 You know,

01:34:09.580 I get Airbnb.

01:34:10.420 It's Airbnb.

01:34:11.180 Yeah.

01:34:11.360 Yeah.

01:34:11.660 So if we got,

01:34:12.660 so we went to Austin for a month,

01:34:14.840 Airbnb,

01:34:15.660 right?

01:34:16.040 We would do spots around town,

01:34:17.560 do shows,

01:34:18.120 do shows.

01:34:19.300 And do you think that would be fun?

01:34:20.780 I think that would be fun.

01:34:21.600 Be cool.

01:34:22.640 I want to do it.

01:34:23.600 Work on material.

01:34:24.120 Do you really?

01:34:24.580 Yeah,

01:34:24.740 I really do.

01:34:25.520 I think not a month,

01:34:26.400 maybe two weeks.

01:34:27.420 Okay.

01:34:28.280 But get an Airbnb with two rooms

01:34:30.480 or whatever.

01:34:31.260 Yeah,

01:34:31.520 or more than two rooms.

01:34:33.040 And one month,

01:34:34.220 I'll just get it for a month.

01:34:36.060 We'll hit up Tim Dillon

01:34:36.820 and see,

01:34:37.140 he has a house there.

01:34:38.220 Yeah,

01:34:38.400 I know he does.

01:34:38.880 I saw him last night.

01:34:39.080 I'm sure it's nice.

01:34:39.700 He has a,

01:34:40.260 he has like a,

01:34:40.840 he has like a,

01:34:41.560 somebody said he bought a limousine.

01:34:43.740 Yeah,

01:34:44.060 he's got money,

01:34:44.740 dude.

01:34:44.980 Yeah.

01:34:45.300 Yeah,

01:34:45.540 yeah.

01:34:46.520 Let's look at a couple news stories

01:34:47.700 before Bobby gets out of here,

01:34:48.760 man.

01:34:50.320 Yeah,

01:34:50.720 well,

01:34:50.920 big one is,

01:34:51.880 we had the kids mullet championships

01:34:54.300 happen this weekend.

01:34:55.520 We had a lot of people posting about this

01:34:57.040 with you,

01:34:57.460 Theo.

01:34:58.080 All right.

01:34:58.640 I kind of want to look through

01:34:59.560 some of these guys if you want to.

01:35:00.840 Since Bobby stole my style a while back.

01:35:03.660 So we'll scan through some,

01:35:04.900 I know who won,

01:35:05.860 but we'll scan through some.

01:35:06.820 Well,

01:35:06.960 can we judge who won?

01:35:08.120 Yeah,

01:35:08.320 yeah.

01:35:08.620 All right.

01:35:09.600 So I'll go start here.

01:35:10.880 Hell yeah,

01:35:11.840 dude.

01:35:12.460 All right,

01:35:12.840 this one's good,

01:35:13.520 dude.

01:35:14.120 You know what I like about this one?

01:35:15.780 Doesn't Bobby look like Ron Jeremy,

01:35:17.440 though?

01:35:17.600 I got to bring that up right now.

01:35:18.980 If you don't play him in a biopic,

01:35:21.020 Ron,

01:35:22.020 you out of me?

01:35:23.320 Dude,

01:35:23.800 you said that as an improv line in the movie,

01:35:26.280 and everyone laughed,

01:35:28.100 and it hurt my feelings.

01:35:29.180 Did it really?

01:35:30.380 Yeah,

01:35:30.560 because he's like an old,

01:35:31.900 fat,

01:35:32.620 shriveled up man.

01:35:33.500 Now he is,

01:35:34.140 but let's see him when it is.

01:35:35.060 Dude,

01:35:35.280 Ron Jeremy,

01:35:35.860 28 years old.

01:35:39.040 He's still not there.

01:35:39.920 He still,

01:35:40.320 he looks like a machete.

01:35:41.360 Okay.

01:35:46.120 Yep.

01:35:47.180 Okay,

01:35:47.620 can you find a decent looking picture on now?

01:35:50.400 There we go.

01:35:50.940 There we go.

01:35:52.180 Get that fucking picture.

01:35:53.260 So you think I look like that right now?

01:35:54.740 God,

01:35:55.120 yeah.

01:35:55.580 All right,

01:35:55.860 good.

01:35:56.400 I can take that.

01:35:57.520 God,

01:35:57.940 yeah,

01:35:58.240 dude.

01:35:59.000 And imagine that stanger you got in your pants,

01:36:01.320 boy.

01:36:01.800 Yeah,

01:36:02.120 yeah.

01:36:02.340 I mean,

01:36:02.800 you got something.

01:36:03.460 The cop asked for your ID,

01:36:04.720 just break that thing out.

01:36:05.980 God,

01:36:06.180 he's in so much trouble right now,

01:36:07.420 though.

01:36:08.060 Bro,

01:36:08.280 every picture he's in,

01:36:09.260 he's like just.

01:36:09.940 No,

01:36:10.120 but have you seen those prison shots,

01:36:11.240 how sad it is?

01:36:11.800 Look at the prison shots.

01:36:12.700 Really?

01:36:13.400 Like the court shots.

01:36:15.240 Ron Jeremy in court.

01:36:18.080 Oh,

01:36:18.500 where's he doing court?

01:36:19.160 At Hannibal Lecter's house?

01:36:21.060 I know.

01:36:21.720 That's insane.

01:36:22.620 Bro,

01:36:23.120 what?

01:36:23.460 That's his life in prison.

01:36:26.220 Oh.

01:36:27.020 Man,

01:36:27.940 that's what you get for 10,000 pussy.

01:36:30.180 Oh.

01:36:30.920 That's the price of 10,000 pussy.

01:36:31.960 That is,

01:36:32.400 huh?

01:36:32.540 Yeah,

01:36:32.700 yeah,

01:36:32.960 yeah.

01:36:33.180 The price of 10,000 pussy,

01:36:34.140 what a great documentary name.

01:36:35.200 Yeah,

01:36:35.380 yeah,

01:36:35.580 yeah,

01:36:35.700 the price of 10,000 pussy,

01:36:36.680 and that's what you get.

01:36:38.020 You can't have that much.

01:36:39.760 I feel like when a man gets too much,

01:36:42.640 the universe just goes,

01:36:45.200 you get a monkey pox,

01:36:46.920 you know,

01:36:47.180 they do something.

01:36:47.820 We'll see you.

01:36:48.400 Yeah,

01:36:48.600 we'll see you,

01:36:49.020 yeah.

01:36:49.280 That's true,

01:36:49.680 that's a good point.

01:36:49.980 You got to be moderated,

01:36:51.000 dude,

01:36:51.100 you know what I mean?

01:36:51.700 I take what I need,

01:36:53.140 and I don't take more.

01:36:54.480 Yeah.

01:36:54.820 Right?

01:36:55.620 So that's,

01:36:56.380 all right,

01:36:56.660 go ahead,

01:36:56.960 let's go.

01:37:01.960 Do you like this one,

01:37:03.260 or what?

01:37:03.640 I think Brock is coming in hot here.

01:37:05.760 I think it's kind of a basic,

01:37:07.280 kind of thicker white.

01:37:08.380 No,

01:37:08.600 look at the side,

01:37:09.400 dude,

01:37:09.560 three lines.

01:37:10.320 That fisherman's son look.

01:37:11.760 Look at the four lines on the side.

01:37:12.740 What does that mean?

01:37:13.960 I don't know,

01:37:14.360 but it's like,

01:37:14.860 if he did that himself,

01:37:15.800 he's talented.

01:37:17.380 I'm sure his mother did it.

01:37:19.140 Oh,

01:37:19.360 here we go.

01:37:19.960 Ooh,

01:37:20.340 Callan,

01:37:21.040 he's got some accusations against him,

01:37:22.840 but,

01:37:23.300 bro,

01:37:23.680 great guy though.

01:37:24.900 Also,

01:37:25.280 his hair's receding at that age,

01:37:26.780 dude.

01:37:27.040 I don't know,

01:37:27.560 bro.

01:37:27.840 Look,

01:37:28.700 which makes it even more likely

01:37:30.240 that this is Brian Callan.

01:37:32.760 Yeah.

01:37:33.420 No,

01:37:33.800 I think that he's a beautiful kid though.

01:37:35.780 Oh,

01:37:36.000 here we go,

01:37:36.540 dude.

01:37:38.160 Dude,

01:37:38.600 that's my son.

01:37:39.520 I would love that.

01:37:40.080 Would you want that?

01:37:40.880 Oh.

01:37:41.760 Dude,

01:37:42.040 that'd be great.

01:37:42.680 I would lift this kid up.

01:37:43.660 I'd throw him so fucking high in the air,

01:37:45.280 he'd never come down.

01:37:46.060 Or I'd just give him tasks,

01:37:47.000 like,

01:37:47.120 go get the squirrels.

01:37:48.080 Yeah.

01:37:48.540 You know what I mean?

01:37:49.000 Okay,

01:37:49.320 Papa.

01:37:49.580 Yeah.

01:37:50.200 Right?

01:37:50.600 And he'll go bring like three or four squirrels.

01:37:52.740 We'll boil them.

01:37:53.740 Yeah.

01:37:54.200 Yeah,

01:37:54.640 dude.

01:37:55.660 I love that.

01:37:56.720 Oh,

01:37:56.980 catching.

01:37:57.500 Now,

01:37:57.660 this dude,

01:37:58.260 definitely,

01:37:58.580 you could tell he'll fuck,

01:38:00.280 he's got something in him.

01:38:01.480 Yeah,

01:38:01.720 he's got something in him,

01:38:02.580 dude.

01:38:02.760 You know,

01:38:02.940 he's young,

01:38:03.420 but I bet,

01:38:03.940 hold on,

01:38:04.320 hold on,

01:38:04.760 man.

01:38:04.920 Yeah,

01:38:05.100 let's go back to fucking,

01:38:06.260 Jesus Christ.

01:38:07.200 He's like,

01:38:07.760 you could see in his eyes,

01:38:08.640 look at him.

01:38:09.380 Yeah.

01:38:10.100 You could see fucking means business.

01:38:11.940 And then when he gets older,

01:38:12.820 it's straight teeth.

01:38:13.660 Oh,

01:38:14.240 it looks like he took some of his teeth out

01:38:15.540 just because he wanted to.

01:38:18.180 He is a gangster,

01:38:19.540 boy.

01:38:19.720 Let's see somebody else.

01:38:20.560 He's out of Lawton.

01:38:22.380 Eli.

01:38:22.700 Oh,

01:38:23.140 shit.

01:38:23.880 Okay,

01:38:24.360 Jewish guy showing up out of Hogan'sburg,

01:38:26.560 New York.

01:38:27.260 You think he's Jewish,

01:38:28.100 dude?

01:38:28.180 Oh,

01:38:28.420 100%.

01:38:29.060 Italian,

01:38:29.640 I would say.

01:38:30.340 Actually,

01:38:31.060 I think he,

01:38:32.040 you know who he looks like is the guy,

01:38:34.200 man,

01:38:34.680 my brain's been so bad.

01:38:35.700 No,

01:38:35.860 you know,

01:38:36.080 I know what she,

01:38:36.600 you know,

01:38:36.760 to me,

01:38:37.120 you know what he looks like?

01:38:39.040 What's that woman that was like,

01:38:40.680 oh,

01:38:40.940 like she did the,

01:38:41.880 she was a madame for the prostitutes.

01:38:44.220 Oh,

01:38:44.580 Ghislaine Maxwell.

01:38:45.300 No,

01:38:45.480 Fleiss,

01:38:45.840 no.

01:38:46.300 Heidi Fleiss?

01:38:46.760 Heidi Fleiss.

01:38:47.540 Wow,

01:38:47.920 Heidi Fleiss.

01:38:48.320 That looks like a young Heidi Fleiss.

01:38:49.460 Ooh,

01:38:49.880 I like that.

01:38:50.340 I like that.

01:38:50.960 Yeah,

01:38:51.100 yeah,

01:38:51.220 yeah.

01:38:53.040 Why are you looking up Heidi Fleiss?

01:38:54.280 See?

01:38:57.440 Heidi Fleiss.

01:38:58.000 Yeah,

01:38:58.340 he does have Heidi Fleiss vibes.

01:38:59.380 Yeah,

01:38:59.660 Heidi Fleiss vibes,

01:39:00.500 bro.

01:39:01.240 And also,

01:39:02.080 he looks like,

01:39:03.100 who is the famous podcaster that we've all been on his show?

01:39:06.420 Adam Carolla,

01:39:08.160 on the left.

01:39:08.760 It looks like Adam Carolla.

01:39:09.480 Adam Carolla,

01:39:10.100 dude.

01:39:10.500 Yeah.

01:39:10.880 I can't remember that.

01:39:11.760 He hates Mexicans in that fucking photo.

01:39:13.060 Does he?

01:39:13.620 I don't think Adam likes Mexicans.

01:39:16.420 Really?

01:39:17.000 Yeah.

01:39:17.900 I want to be Mexican.

01:39:19.320 Go on.

01:39:20.380 Please,

01:39:20.800 brother.

01:39:22.160 Oh,

01:39:22.500 Emmett.

01:39:23.020 Oh,

01:39:23.420 Oliver Tree.

01:39:24.520 Oh,

01:39:25.020 yes.

01:39:25.400 A young Oliver Tree.

01:39:26.840 Dude,

01:39:27.060 he took that straight out of that O-Tree,

01:39:29.100 boy.

01:39:29.620 Yeah,

01:39:29.680 dude.

01:39:30.680 Wow.

01:39:30.960 What's up,

01:39:31.520 Ollie?

01:39:32.080 Dude,

01:39:32.380 O-Town or O-Tree?

01:39:33.560 Pick one.

01:39:35.680 What?

01:39:36.340 O-Town?

01:39:37.240 O-Town,

01:39:37.840 bro.

01:39:38.260 I don't know what that fucking means.

01:39:39.420 The band,

01:39:39.800 O-Town?

01:39:40.220 I never heard of it.

01:39:42.080 All right,

01:39:42.420 bring up the next one.

01:39:43.040 Emma's good,

01:39:43.500 though.

01:39:43.880 Emmett's good.

01:39:45.360 Out of Carthage,

01:39:46.380 huh?

01:39:46.900 Yeah.

01:39:47.060 Another Emmett.

01:39:48.660 Whoa,

01:39:48.800 dude.

01:39:49.900 Tim Dillon,

01:39:50.540 dude.

01:39:51.020 Oh,

01:39:51.400 yeah.

01:39:51.700 A baby Tim Dillon.

01:39:52.800 Oh,

01:39:53.100 this dude will suck start a skateboard right here,

01:39:55.220 this little buddy.

01:39:56.000 Yeah.

01:39:56.440 Out of Mennonone,

01:39:57.400 Wisconsin,

01:39:58.280 boy.

01:39:59.100 He's going to turn out to be a promoter.

01:40:00.940 Yeah,

01:40:01.440 dude.

01:40:01.560 Like a Brian Monarch.

01:40:02.360 Oh,

01:40:02.500 he's going to promote a damn honey bun into his pocket,

01:40:04.880 I bet,

01:40:05.220 if he's smart.

01:40:06.000 I like it.

01:40:06.660 Good luck,

01:40:07.120 Emmett.

01:40:10.720 Epic.

01:40:11.120 Epic,

01:40:11.480 Epic,

01:40:12.280 dude.

01:40:13.300 What a cool name,

01:40:14.280 too.

01:40:15.160 Out of La Jolla,

01:40:16.100 Texas,

01:40:16.520 yeah.

01:40:17.140 Now,

01:40:17.440 this almost seems,

01:40:18.400 I worry Epic might be one of those kids,

01:40:20.220 because it's,

01:40:21.000 that he goes on to really live this lifestyle.

01:40:23.600 He gets a motorbike next year.

01:40:25.580 Right.

01:40:26.160 It gets intense,

01:40:27.180 and he just,

01:40:27.720 you know,

01:40:27.920 it's a lot of pressure,

01:40:28.900 and he could end up on drugs.

01:40:30.640 Yeah.

01:40:31.100 Good luck,

01:40:31.600 bud.

01:40:31.800 Good luck,

01:40:32.120 Epic.

01:40:32.620 All right,

01:40:32.860 let's see two more,

01:40:33.660 and then we'll pick a winner here.

01:40:34.820 Yeah.

01:40:35.440 Ooh.

01:40:35.980 Oh.

01:40:36.940 Look at the tongue,

01:40:37.580 dude.

01:40:37.840 Jack is cute,

01:40:38.600 dude.

01:40:39.200 Don't look at the tongue,

01:40:39.840 dude.

01:40:39.880 That's weird.

01:40:40.460 Yeah.

01:40:41.180 I was with the photographer.

01:40:42.640 I was like,

01:40:42.860 can you do one without tongue?

01:40:45.060 I mean,

01:40:45.520 you're a kid.

01:40:46.540 Why didn't the photographer go,

01:40:47.700 we'll choose another one?

01:40:49.180 You know what I mean?

01:40:50.260 Yeah.

01:40:50.460 Okay,

01:40:50.760 yeah,

01:40:50.920 let's move on.

01:40:51.620 Let's move on,

01:40:52.220 dude.

01:40:52.520 Just to stay legit over here.

01:40:55.160 Ooh,

01:40:55.440 Jameson.

01:40:56.080 Oh,

01:40:56.240 wow.

01:40:57.520 And he almost looks honestly like he doesn't want to be doing this.

01:41:00.420 Yeah,

01:41:00.820 like he was forced to get the haircut.

01:41:02.920 Yup.

01:41:03.380 Yeah.

01:41:03.900 So I'm going to vote no on Jameson,

01:41:05.220 it's because they did this to him.

01:41:07.040 Yeah.

01:41:07.180 He won't even look at the,

01:41:08.340 you can tell.

01:41:08.960 Or maybe it's like the second photo could be like,

01:41:12.220 why'd you take the sunglasses off me?

01:41:14.200 Oh.

01:41:14.920 A little bit.

01:41:15.780 Look at the mouth on the first one.

01:41:17.180 And I'm not looking at it.

01:41:17.680 Don't look at the mouth.

01:41:18.420 Nevermind.

01:41:18.800 Move along.

01:41:20.620 Damn,

01:41:21.040 this shit is bad,

01:41:21.980 dude.

01:41:22.160 Oh,

01:41:22.260 this guy's like fucking 40.

01:41:23.900 Yeah,

01:41:24.480 dude.

01:41:25.700 You can't have a 40 year old in there,

01:41:27.460 dude.

01:41:27.960 Yeah,

01:41:28.380 bro.

01:41:28.660 Yeah.

01:41:29.880 And let's still,

01:41:30.680 dude,

01:41:31.080 we all know this guy's Scottish and not American.

01:41:34.020 Yeah.

01:41:34.480 Yeah.

01:41:34.800 This dude is definitely looks like one of the,

01:41:36.580 that's William Wallace,

01:41:37.600 bro.

01:41:40.720 This guy.

01:41:41.320 That's fucking straight up Braveheart,

01:41:42.740 dude.

01:41:44.080 This guy looks like one of the characters in the newsies.

01:41:46.940 Let's keep it moving.

01:41:47.780 Yeah.

01:41:48.040 Yeah.

01:41:48.380 Let's keep it moving.

01:41:50.180 Oh,

01:41:50.500 yeah.

01:41:52.040 This dude will sell you some fucking land in his bedroom,

01:41:54.980 bro.

01:41:56.400 Yeah.

01:41:56.760 Yeah.

01:41:57.300 Yeah.

01:41:57.940 Whoa.

01:41:58.860 I'm out on Lincoln.

01:41:59.960 Yeah.

01:42:00.680 He seems like he took it in the sun too.

01:42:02.380 This almost seems like he's not,

01:42:03.480 so the things aren't going to work out.

01:42:04.960 Whoa.

01:42:05.340 Ooh,

01:42:05.820 Latino,

01:42:06.520 huh?

01:42:06.900 You think it's Latino?

01:42:07.740 My son?

01:42:08.800 I don't know,

01:42:09.460 dude.

01:42:10.120 Really?

01:42:10.680 Fremont?

01:42:11.360 Yeah.

01:42:12.200 This dude definitely is hudden.

01:42:13.400 I would have just tugged the back of that.

01:42:14.940 He knows somebody that's picked the damn strawberry.

01:42:17.060 I'll tell you that,

01:42:17.760 bro.

01:42:17.980 Yeah.

01:42:18.140 Beautiful guy,

01:42:18.900 Masson.

01:42:19.680 Actually looks like my mother a little bit.

01:42:21.300 Beautiful.

01:42:21.880 Onward.

01:42:24.240 How many are these?

01:42:25.220 He's getting so sick.

01:42:26.720 There's more.

01:42:27.160 I could tell you.

01:42:28.000 There's more.

01:42:28.560 I could tell you the winner if you want.

01:42:29.700 You want to know the winner?

01:42:30.680 Bring up my favorite one.

01:42:32.720 Emmett,

01:42:33.040 the other Emmett.

01:42:40.400 Oh,

01:42:40.780 no,

01:42:40.980 the other,

01:42:41.480 what was the other one?

01:42:42.920 Parkinson's or whatever his name is.

01:42:46.240 What's his name?

01:42:47.380 We have Rustin,

01:42:48.160 Emmett,

01:42:48.460 and Bailey.

01:42:49.320 Rustin.

01:42:51.440 Bring up the little guy I like,

01:42:52.560 the first one I told you,

01:42:53.440 if you don't mind.

01:42:57.300 Right there in the middle,

01:42:58.080 on the bottom.

01:42:58.940 Rustin.

01:42:59.700 Nope.

01:43:00.140 Right there.

01:43:01.280 Bam.

01:43:01.940 That's a good one,

01:43:02.680 dude.

01:43:03.480 This little fuck.

01:43:04.020 We never even saw that one.

01:43:05.120 This tater hunter right here,

01:43:06.360 little Rustin.

01:43:07.200 Yeah,

01:43:07.440 that's a good one,

01:43:08.120 dude.

01:43:08.140 From Pocahontas,

01:43:09.120 Arkansas.

01:43:10.000 Yeah.

01:43:10.220 Look at him doing work right there.

01:43:11.600 He's already working,

01:43:12.440 dude.

01:43:12.540 I love it.

01:43:12.980 Changing a tire,

01:43:14.020 dude,

01:43:14.240 on his house.

01:43:15.100 That looks like a meth lab.

01:43:16.300 Yeah.

01:43:16.820 It could be.

01:43:17.980 It could be.

01:43:18.720 Yeah,

01:43:18.960 yeah,

01:43:19.000 yeah.

01:43:19.080 All right,

01:43:19.320 who do you think won?

01:43:21.120 Dude,

01:43:21.580 I mean,

01:43:22.300 I'm going to go with the Oliver Tree hair.

01:43:25.760 Wow.

01:43:26.160 With the fucking cut.

01:43:27.140 Mm-hmm.

01:43:27.520 Bull cut.

01:43:27.960 I like that.

01:43:28.440 That is a very country cut,

01:43:29.940 too.

01:43:30.040 You can tell that his mother did that cut.

01:43:31.420 Go in on that.

01:43:32.140 It's Emmett on the second row in the middle.

01:43:34.040 Zoom in on him on the left side of his haircut.

01:43:36.500 It's clean.

01:43:37.700 Yeah,

01:43:38.060 it's clean and dirty at the same time.

01:43:39.400 You can tell somebody did that at his house with scissors.

01:43:41.240 I've had that cut.

01:43:42.000 Yeah,

01:43:42.260 yeah,

01:43:42.360 yeah.

01:43:42.480 That's a good cut.

01:43:43.120 That bangs,

01:43:43.780 that bangs.

01:43:44.160 You can tell.

01:43:44.780 I'm going to go back out.

01:43:46.400 I'm going to go with my boy,

01:43:48.040 uh,

01:43:49.160 uh,

01:43:50.060 I'm going to roll with,

01:43:52.000 I kind of like,

01:43:54.200 little Jack.

01:43:58.340 Oh,

01:43:58.720 that's cute.

01:43:59.540 Yeah,

01:43:59.800 he's cute.

01:44:00.560 Dude,

01:44:00.920 what,

01:44:01.120 you picked the phone with the tongue,

01:44:02.780 bro?

01:44:03.020 I just wanted to make it up to him by being nice.

01:44:05.100 I just feel like,

01:44:05.940 I don't know what's going on anymore.

01:44:07.240 Okay.

01:44:07.780 What happened,

01:44:08.540 brother?

01:44:08.780 So is the champion this year.

01:44:13.320 Champion was Emmett.

01:44:15.640 Damn,

01:44:17.100 dude.

01:44:18.920 Emmett,

01:44:19.340 that's his daddy right there?

01:44:21.000 Uh,

01:44:21.340 nope,

01:44:21.660 that's just a guy.

01:44:22.680 What?

01:44:23.640 Okay,

01:44:24.140 so,

01:44:24.600 it's a random guy,

01:44:25.400 bro?

01:44:25.620 This guy's up to no good.

01:44:26.960 Let's,

01:44:27.240 let's see that guy's video real quick.

01:44:29.340 Yeah,

01:44:29.360 yeah,

01:44:29.380 yeah.

01:44:29.500 little man,

01:44:34.400 mullet boy,

01:44:35.640 Emmett Bailey wins the competition.

01:44:39.780 $2,500 check.

01:44:41.780 Hopefully,

01:44:42.380 he gets a lot of endorsements.

01:44:44.440 That little shit,

01:44:45.800 his hair,

01:44:47.100 give me one of them swirls with that mullet.

01:44:49.980 Woo!

01:44:50.680 Yeah,

01:44:51.180 buddy.

01:44:52.200 Tearing it up in the USA.

01:44:54.940 Oh,

01:44:55.140 this guy's gonna jerk off in his own gas tank,

01:44:57.300 I bet.

01:44:58.260 That's that kind of pervert,

01:44:59.620 son.

01:44:59.760 I've been around that,

01:45:00.780 dude.

01:45:02.060 They used to tell you,

01:45:02.940 your truck will run better if you come in it.

01:45:05.760 Um,

01:45:06.520 all right,

01:45:07.040 I got one more news story.

01:45:08.080 What was that last thing that came up?

01:45:09.680 And then we'll get Bobby on his way,

01:45:11.040 man.

01:45:11.980 Uh,

01:45:12.220 we got a couple things.

01:45:13.200 We had the,

01:45:13.880 um,

01:45:13.920 What was the island?

01:45:14.780 Let's do one more thing.

01:45:15.560 Okay,

01:45:15.840 what was the-

01:45:16.080 We do one more thing.

01:45:17.060 We had the island and the strippers,

01:45:18.920 this story.

01:45:19.840 I like the island.

01:45:21.460 Yeah,

01:45:21.840 so,

01:45:22.280 uh,

01:45:22.460 let me pull this up here.

01:45:23.260 Did you read about this?

01:45:24.300 No,

01:45:24.560 I don't know anything about islands,

01:45:25.580 bro.

01:45:25.860 Miami is experimenting with a plan to move all their homeless people onto an island.

01:45:31.000 Dude,

01:45:31.280 that's a great idea,

01:45:32.420 man.

01:45:32.740 I guess it's Virginia Island,

01:45:33.920 which is like off the key somewhere.

01:45:35.460 Um,

01:45:35.820 it hasn't started yet,

01:45:36.660 but they're,

01:45:37.200 they're putting it in motion.

01:45:38.420 They're going to put them all there,

01:45:39.220 I guess.

01:45:40.280 What?

01:45:42.560 First of all,

01:45:43.680 Miami has become,

01:45:44.900 it is so,

01:45:45.420 there's so much wealth down there that this is the kind of thing you're going to start seeing,

01:45:48.660 man.

01:45:48.940 Yeah,

01:45:49.200 yeah,

01:45:49.380 yeah.

01:45:49.580 And then people,

01:45:50.400 tourists are going to,

01:45:51.060 there's going to be tourist boats going out there to see them.

01:45:53.260 I would,

01:45:53.780 I would go to that fucking island.

01:45:55.780 Yeah.

01:45:56.360 Like I fuck Miami.

01:45:57.480 I don't feel good about all the glitz,

01:45:58.980 Gucci,

01:45:59.320 all that shit,

01:45:59.820 man.

01:46:00.140 Yeah.

01:46:00.340 Let's go to the fucking homeless island.

01:46:01.980 Yeah.

01:46:02.440 Right.

01:46:02.800 And get malaria or whatever,

01:46:04.100 you know,

01:46:04.360 they get those probably diseases.

01:46:06.540 Oh,

01:46:06.780 yellow fever,

01:46:07.400 everything.

01:46:07.760 They have it.

01:46:08.180 Yeah.

01:46:08.380 Yeah.

01:46:08.620 Yeah.

01:46:08.720 But then there's going to be probably like a gift shop or something on the island.

01:46:11.560 You're going to be able to like,

01:46:12.900 get like those,

01:46:13.580 like a picture taken with a homeless guy.

01:46:16.260 Right.

01:46:16.340 Or like,

01:46:17.080 like a Ewok statue made out of meth scabs.

01:46:22.280 You know what I mean?

01:46:22.820 Like they can make art.

01:46:23.880 You know what I mean?

01:46:24.260 Like folk,

01:46:24.660 folksy art.

01:46:25.700 Yeah.

01:46:25.900 You know what I mean?

01:46:26.640 You know what I mean?

01:46:27.460 Like,

01:46:27.860 you know,

01:46:28.520 a tooth necklace.

01:46:31.200 Right?

01:46:31.960 Yeah.

01:46:32.320 Yeah.

01:46:32.640 Yeah.

01:46:32.820 Yeah.

01:46:32.880 Yeah.

01:46:33.380 Dude,

01:46:33.740 that'd be cool.

01:46:34.340 That gift shop.

01:46:35.320 Dude,

01:46:35.620 if we got to run a gift shop on a homeless island.

01:46:38.380 Yeah.

01:46:38.680 But dude,

01:46:38.940 you're going to have,

01:46:39.480 you know,

01:46:39.740 those crap,

01:46:40.200 if there's not drugs,

01:46:40.920 if they don't also ship drugs out there,

01:46:43.560 they are going to swim back.

01:46:45.300 Or do you would have to?

01:46:46.940 You're right.

01:46:47.760 What would you need to do to keep them happy?

01:46:50.240 I think you'd have to put up barricades

01:46:52.140 and hide drugs in the middle of the island.

01:46:54.620 But would you helicopter,

01:46:55.520 I would drop them in.

01:46:56.840 Yeah.

01:46:57.420 Right?

01:46:57.960 Wouldn't you do that?

01:46:58.720 I think you'd have to.

01:46:59.760 Yeah.

01:47:00.080 Just helicopter it.

01:47:01.020 What,

01:47:01.220 like,

01:47:01.360 you know,

01:47:01.780 weed for sure.

01:47:03.080 Yeah.

01:47:03.440 Yeah.

01:47:03.640 I mean,

01:47:04.360 alcohol for sure.

01:47:05.920 Opiums.

01:47:06.620 But how much is this going to cost?

01:47:08.240 It sounds expensive.

01:47:09.580 And especially,

01:47:10.160 they're going to stay alive for so long out there in the summer,

01:47:12.760 which they should.

01:47:13.600 They don't want them to stay alive.

01:47:14.620 Yeah.

01:47:14.760 But yeah,

01:47:15.500 if you don't have proper program stuff out there,

01:47:17.280 they're just out there on an island,

01:47:18.340 they're going to be fucking killing each other,

01:47:21.100 dude.

01:47:21.380 It's going to be like Zelda Breath of the Wild.

01:47:23.780 Yeah.

01:47:24.420 Or that movie,

01:47:25.440 Escape from New York.

01:47:28.260 Oh.

01:47:28.840 You ever see that movie?

01:47:29.520 Mm-mm.

01:47:31.120 What,

01:47:31.420 you've never seen Escape from New York?

01:47:32.680 I haven't seen that.

01:47:33.420 I couldn't watch The Boys.

01:47:34.500 I tried.

01:47:34.900 I didn't like it.

01:47:35.480 Yeah,

01:47:35.740 but Escape from New York.

01:47:36.800 Oh,

01:47:37.020 God,

01:47:37.220 you have to watch it.

01:47:38.500 Okay.

01:47:39.040 Can I tell you the premise real quick?

01:47:40.300 It's much like this.

01:47:41.180 Yes.

01:47:41.760 It's basically in the future,

01:47:43.020 right?

01:47:43.740 And Kurt Russell plays Snake Eyes.

01:47:45.580 Mm-hmm.

01:47:45.840 And basically in the future,

01:47:48.340 New York City is now one large prison.

01:47:51.860 So they just built a wall around New York City.

01:47:55.160 Mm-hmm.

01:47:55.440 And everyone that's a convict and gang member,

01:47:58.180 they just live there.

01:47:59.560 And that's it.

01:48:01.080 So when you're there,

01:48:02.660 you have to survive.

01:48:03.600 Oh,

01:48:03.840 wow.

01:48:04.160 Right?

01:48:04.600 But I think it's going to be a lot like that

01:48:06.280 where you build a gigantic wall around the island.

01:48:09.940 You have to ship fucking food or whatever.

01:48:12.560 And it's just like anything goes.

01:48:18.100 Anything goes,

01:48:18.980 man.

01:48:20.780 You think it's going to be scary for those people that live there?

01:48:24.380 I mean,

01:48:24.840 if there's no clinics or fucking police or,

01:48:27.800 you know what I mean?

01:48:28.680 If they just let them run wild.

01:48:31.020 They're going to open 50 to 100 tiny homes.

01:48:33.860 And then they're going to have services there,

01:48:35.660 they say,

01:48:36.000 but they don't go into a lot of specifics.

01:48:37.280 But there are going to be like 50 to 100 tiny homes.

01:48:39.380 They were experimenting with this in Venice too,

01:48:41.060 if you're familiar.

01:48:41.700 Tiny homes.

01:48:43.020 What's a tiny home,

01:48:44.100 man?

01:48:44.420 Like the little house?

01:48:45.800 Yeah,

01:48:46.020 they're supposed to be hide and go seek or something?

01:48:47.820 Yeah,

01:48:48.060 yeah,

01:48:48.180 yeah.

01:48:48.900 I would put something like a creation juice place.

01:48:51.560 Yeah.

01:48:52.260 Right?

01:48:53.100 So they get acai bulk.

01:48:54.380 You're like,

01:48:54.560 you got to do something healthy.

01:48:55.920 Like,

01:48:56.380 you know,

01:48:56.600 like ginger shots.

01:48:58.000 Right?

01:48:58.480 I would have one,

01:48:59.520 right?

01:48:59.920 If they want to get healthy.

01:49:01.920 Right?

01:49:02.800 Ginger shots?

01:49:04.000 Yeah,

01:49:04.200 yeah,

01:49:04.420 yeah.

01:49:05.160 You know what I mean?

01:49:05.720 Some homeless.

01:49:06.460 Yeah,

01:49:06.840 wheatgrass,

01:49:07.400 wheatgrass.

01:49:08.040 Oh,

01:49:08.180 yeah.

01:49:08.720 I think you got to have crops for them to work.

01:49:10.940 You need to have some sort of farming system,

01:49:13.060 sustainable food.

01:49:14.580 Yeah.

01:49:15.360 They're going to have severe sunburn and skink.

01:49:17.780 I don't know.

01:49:18.620 But also,

01:49:19.300 I could see them filming it and putting it on some kind of closed circuit television and

01:49:22.920 we all pay for it.

01:49:23.740 It's an extra live feed type of thing.

01:49:25.660 Yeah,

01:49:26.060 yeah,

01:49:26.140 yeah.

01:49:26.240 You know what I'm saying?

01:49:26.660 That's where we're headed.

01:49:27.380 It's getting weird.

01:49:28.280 I mean,

01:49:28.580 we're literally reading an article.

01:49:29.840 They're going to put homeless people on an island.

01:49:31.780 Wow.

01:49:32.340 That's how Australia got started,

01:49:33.740 man.

01:49:34.480 They put criminal people on an island.

01:49:36.280 Yeah,

01:49:36.440 that's what they did,

01:49:37.020 right?

01:49:37.340 And it's great now.

01:49:38.380 So maybe it is for the best.

01:49:41.040 Wow.

01:49:41.440 You think they'll have children out there and stuff?

01:49:43.080 Oh,

01:49:43.580 dude.

01:49:44.020 Yeah,

01:49:44.360 if you don't,

01:49:44.940 there's,

01:49:45.600 you don't see them grow up,

01:49:46.740 but they have them,

01:49:47.620 you know?

01:49:48.680 Yeah,

01:49:49.040 yeah.

01:49:49.660 All right,

01:49:50.100 so we could have,

01:49:51.100 but maybe this is a good idea.

01:49:52.660 And in California,

01:49:53.380 what do we do?

01:49:54.400 Catalina?

01:49:55.100 Yeah.

01:49:55.820 Or the desert?

01:49:56.900 Catalina's a fucking dump.

01:49:57.920 Let's put them out there.

01:49:58.600 Yeah,

01:49:58.820 Catalina.

01:49:58.960 They make it cool with that carousel or whatever.

01:50:00.540 Yeah,

01:50:01.100 yeah.

01:50:01.380 Let's be realistic.

01:50:02.160 It doesn't feel like you're even on an island.

01:50:03.760 I know,

01:50:04.140 it's so weird.

01:50:04.800 This is like fucking Irvine,

01:50:06.480 but like surrounded by water.

01:50:08.680 Like,

01:50:09.440 there's no like tropical trees.

01:50:11.280 No.

01:50:11.460 It's just like Irvine Hill.

01:50:12.700 It's terrible.

01:50:13.340 Yeah,

01:50:13.580 it's like a shit,

01:50:14.280 it's like a shit hole.

01:50:15.440 It's a shit island.

01:50:16.960 It's one shitty section of a zoo.

01:50:18.500 Yeah,

01:50:18.680 yeah.

01:50:18.700 There's bison there.

01:50:19.820 There's no real Native Americans.

01:50:21.660 Yeah,

01:50:21.920 yeah,

01:50:22.000 yeah.

01:50:22.280 They charge you to get out there.

01:50:23.860 Yeah,

01:50:23.920 I hate it.

01:50:24.800 There's couples breaking up on the way there

01:50:27.220 that are going for their honeymoon.

01:50:29.320 It's fucking unbelievable.

01:50:30.360 Unbelievable.

01:50:31.580 Fuck Catalina.

01:50:32.640 That's what's going on.

01:50:33.640 Yeah,

01:50:33.700 yeah,

01:50:33.720 yeah.

01:50:34.380 Well,

01:50:34.980 so I'll see you tomorrow morning.

01:50:37.040 Oh,

01:50:37.320 yeah,

01:50:37.580 huh?

01:50:37.920 Yeah.

01:50:38.480 Fuck,

01:50:38.700 we got to be there early.

01:50:40.280 745,

01:50:41.140 man.

01:50:42.260 Really?

01:50:43.480 And that's every day,

01:50:45.840 Monday through Friday.

01:50:47.400 No,

01:50:47.800 I'm only there three days this week.

01:50:49.980 Yeah,

01:50:50.280 what happens when you're not?

01:50:52.160 I,

01:50:52.640 my guy leaves.

01:50:54.580 My guy doesn't leave.

01:50:55.660 I have to be there every day.

01:50:57.080 But you get to really do,

01:50:58.140 you shine yesterday on that baseball field.

01:50:59.840 I didn't do nothing,

01:51:00.860 bro.

01:51:00.920 I had no line.

01:51:01.820 But all the shots were,

01:51:03.000 all the shots were hilarious.

01:51:05.060 No,

01:51:05.480 no,

01:51:05.960 no.

01:51:06.840 Oh my God.

01:51:07.660 Anyway.

01:51:08.360 With this one?

01:51:10.940 Oh,

01:51:11.280 yeah,

01:51:11.440 yeah,

01:51:11.560 maybe.

01:51:12.620 Dude,

01:51:12.880 there were so many good ones.

01:51:14.480 But thank you,

01:51:15.100 Theo.

01:51:15.460 I love you.

01:51:16.240 I love you too,

01:51:16.820 man.

01:51:16.960 And everyone forced Fox to pressure the show.

01:51:20.600 And then,

01:51:20.880 I'm proud of you,

01:51:22.140 man.

01:51:22.220 I love you.

01:51:22.720 I love you too.

01:51:23.200 And we're going to go to fucking Austin in January.

01:51:25.080 All right.

01:51:25.500 Let's try it out,

01:51:26.160 bro.

01:51:26.280 How great.

01:51:26.720 What if we opened up Joe's Club?

01:51:28.000 Maybe he would let us be the opener for the first week.

01:51:30.220 Yeah.

01:51:30.980 That'd be great.

01:51:31.940 Let's see if he will.

01:51:33.180 All right,

01:51:33.400 bye.

01:51:33.980 All right,

01:51:34.240 love you,

01:51:34.520 Bobby.

01:51:34.660 Ladies and gentlemen,

01:52:01.540 I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club,

01:52:04.080 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,

01:52:08.100 stand-up stories,

01:52:09.160 and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:52:11.840 The answer may shock you.

01:52:13.560 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:52:15.700 Sometimes I won't.

01:52:17.320 And as always,

01:52:18.160 I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:52:20.280 You have three new voice messages.

01:52:23.220 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:52:26.160 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long,

01:52:28.680 longer than anybody else.

01:52:30.540 So great.

01:52:31.820 Hi,

01:52:32.460 Sweya.

01:52:32.880 Easy deal.

01:52:34.760 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

01:52:38.740 Do you know what I mean?

01:52:40.020 Hi,

01:52:40.820 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:52:43.820 Sorry,

01:52:44.160 sir,

01:52:44.300 but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:52:45.900 Oh,

01:52:46.240 no.

01:52:46.520 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.

01:52:50.440 Anyway,

01:52:51.320 first rule of Kite Club is,

01:52:53.020 tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:52:54.780 Second rule of Kite Club is,

01:52:56.780 tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:52:59.020 Third rule,

01:52:59.960 like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts,

01:53:02.640 or watch us on YouTube,

01:53:04.160 yeah?

01:53:04.360 And yes,

01:53:05.360 don't worry,

01:53:06.100 my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

01:53:07.880 Thank you.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - August 23, 2022

E405 Bobby Lee

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