This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E463 Bobby Lee

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00:01:38.400 i have some tour dates to tell you about i'll be in washington dc october 22nd las vegas

00:02:02.640 nevada october 27 and 28 norfolk va november 9 roanoke va november 10 and huntington west virginia

00:02:14.560 november 11 at the mountain health arena formerly the big sandy get all your tickets at theovon.com

00:02:22.000 slash t-o-u-r thank you for the support we have a new merch drop we merchant baby check out the new be

00:02:30.480 good to yourself tie-dye hoodies in aqua indigo and creamsicle find that and much more at theovonstore.com

00:02:40.960 also there's a lot of other bootleg merch out there and some of it's real neat um but if it's

00:02:46.480 not from our store just know that uh we're not the ones doing it just so you know that

00:02:51.840 today's guest is uh beloved in the comedy community he's an actor he's a podcast host

00:03:00.720 and he's an endangered species of a man today's guest is uh is from the far east

00:03:07.280 and we're happy to have him you know him from bad friends and tiger belly today's guest is mr bobby

00:03:14.320 lee lee

00:03:34.800 i'm off

00:03:37.520 Oh, I got 0.82

00:03:44.740 called me a chigger today.

00:03:46.360 He did?

00:03:46.980 Yeah.

00:03:47.860 I go, what does that mean?

00:03:48.740 He goes, it's half

00:03:49.460 two racial slurs

00:03:51.520 in one word, man.

00:03:52.580 Oh, that's

00:03:53.200 that crazy.

00:03:54.480 Well, it's uncalled for.

00:03:55.500 It's uncalled for, dude.

00:03:56.720 Yeah.

00:03:57.400 And I'm like, dude,

00:03:58.200 I'm no chigger to you, dude.

00:03:59.580 Yeah, that's crazy. 0.87

00:04:00.380 And you can say chigger 1.00

00:04:01.400 because you are

00:04:02.540 what do you mean?

00:04:04.520 How do you

00:04:05.080 can anybody say

00:04:05.940 I didn't say it, dude.

00:04:06.660 Some white dude comes up to me 0.97

00:04:07.920 and goes, yo, what's up, chigger? 0.99

00:04:09.420 And I go, what?

00:04:10.460 And he's like, yeah, man.

00:04:11.980 It's two racial slurs in one.

00:04:13.600 I go, I'm not a chigger,

00:04:14.960 but Tiger Woods is.

00:04:16.200 You know what I'm saying?

00:04:17.960 Dog, what's up?

00:04:20.360 I don't know, man.

00:04:21.860 That's out of pocket.

00:04:22.760 It's so hard to be racist

00:04:24.080 these days because of

00:04:25.540 diversity

00:04:27.460 and intermingling.

00:04:29.380 What do you mean?

00:04:29.880 What do you mean?

00:04:30.880 It's always been hard

00:04:31.880 to be racist.

00:04:32.720 Oh, yeah.

00:04:33.500 It's always been a hard thing, dude.

00:04:35.420 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:36.020 And it should be.

00:04:37.440 I don't think...

00:04:37.840 Yeah, it should never be easy.

00:04:38.980 Yeah, it should be easy.

00:04:40.180 Yeah.

00:04:40.540 But if you could do it,

00:04:41.780 good for you, dude.

00:04:42.820 What?

00:04:44.620 The problem is

00:04:45.660 there's no way to win

00:04:48.860 with racism.

00:04:49.920 There's no way to lose either, though.

00:04:51.640 That's the thing.

00:04:54.760 You know what I mean?

00:04:55.360 It's like, well,

00:04:55.840 in between kind of thing, you know?

00:04:57.700 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:58.740 Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

00:05:00.280 I don't know.

00:05:00.800 I don't know either, man.

00:05:02.220 Sometimes I don't even know, dude,

00:05:03.340 but you just do it, you know?

00:05:04.780 Yeah, dude.

00:05:05.300 I think the racism that I think

00:05:07.300 is kind of the safest way

00:05:09.640 if I've seen any

00:05:10.620 to try and do any racism

00:05:12.000 is...

00:05:13.500 I don't even know if this is like...

00:05:14.660 I don't know.

00:05:15.020 But you don't want people

00:05:15.860 doing anything dangerously.

00:05:17.960 That's the thing about racism, dude.

00:05:19.560 It's like, for me,

00:05:20.300 it's like,

00:05:21.160 if there's a, you know,

00:05:22.140 a noose

00:05:22.820 or they're going to drag me

00:05:24.520 in back of a truck,

00:05:25.460 you know how they used to do that?

00:05:26.920 Uh-oh.

00:05:27.520 These are Thai Asians

00:05:28.480 in the back of a truck

00:05:29.180 and they just drive, you know.

00:05:30.800 Really?

00:05:31.220 Yeah, give us a ride,

00:05:32.160 you know what I mean?

00:05:32.520 Like you're wake skating

00:05:34.540 or something?

00:05:35.060 Yeah, well,

00:05:35.500 it's like a reverse rickshaw.

00:05:37.140 It's like the white version 0.99

00:05:38.180 of a rickshaw.

00:05:40.100 You know?

00:05:41.200 But like,

00:05:41.640 if it's like,

00:05:42.520 if comics are being racist,

00:05:44.360 Yeah.

00:05:45.560 amongst, you know,

00:05:46.280 we're amongst friends,

00:05:47.600 I like it.

00:05:48.580 But if it's,

00:05:49.500 if I don't know you, dude,

00:05:50.840 and I'm at an airport

00:05:51.600 and you're like,

00:05:52.300 what's up, Chigger? 1.00

00:05:53.340 It's like,

00:05:53.760 it's like,

00:05:54.580 oh,

00:05:55.040 I don't like it at all, dude.

00:05:56.380 It breaks my heart, dude.

00:05:57.720 It breaks my heart, dude.

00:05:58.740 The saddest thing,

00:05:59.840 I think,

00:06:00.420 but also the thing

00:06:01.400 that kind of like,

00:06:03.560 if,

00:06:03.920 say like you're hanging out

00:06:05.000 with somebody, right?

00:06:06.460 And you guys are

00:06:08.000 different ethnicities

00:06:09.580 or whatever.

00:06:10.240 Well,

00:06:10.600 give me specifics.

00:06:11.800 Okay.

00:06:12.040 Because depending

00:06:12.780 of what kind of ethnicity,

00:06:14.920 it depends on this,

00:06:15.760 how I would react.

00:06:16.940 Okay.

00:06:17.280 Say you're hanging out

00:06:18.060 with like a Muslim guy.

00:06:20.320 Yeah.

00:06:20.500 All right?

00:06:20.860 No.

00:06:21.840 Okay.

00:06:22.540 Well,

00:06:22.820 say someone,

00:06:24.400 pass.

00:06:27.260 Say somebody's hanging out

00:06:28.660 with a Muslim.

00:06:29.980 All right.

00:06:30.660 You know what?

00:06:31.400 Let's,

00:06:31.700 okay.

00:06:31.840 I'm hanging out

00:06:32.460 with a Muslim.

00:06:33.020 I know a couple.

00:06:34.320 So I'm hanging out

00:06:35.080 with like Fahim Anwar.

00:06:37.240 Okay.

00:06:37.540 Yeah,

00:06:37.700 yeah.

00:06:37.960 Yeah,

00:06:38.260 yeah.

00:06:38.440 Right.

00:06:39.360 So,

00:06:39.880 and somebody drives by

00:06:41.540 in a truck,

00:06:42.260 right?

00:06:42.520 Because it's always a truck,

00:06:43.640 I guess.

00:06:43.940 It's always a truck.

00:06:45.020 It always is.

00:06:45.960 And yells out,

00:06:47.660 get out the street,

00:06:49.180 slim.

00:06:49.820 They call them slims 0.99

00:06:50.720 a lot of times.

00:06:51.980 Wait,

00:06:52.120 wait,

00:06:52.280 wait.

00:06:53.420 They call who slims? 0.63

00:06:54.560 Muslims. 0.90

00:06:55.220 No, 0.80

00:06:55.400 they don't.

00:06:56.020 Yeah.

00:06:56.320 I've never heard that before.

00:06:57.440 Yeah. 0.98

00:06:58.020 I feel like you mix shit up, 0.99

00:07:00.040 dude. 0.99

00:07:00.660 Nah,

00:07:00.960 dude.

00:07:01.160 I've never heard anyone go,

00:07:02.020 what's up?

00:07:02.860 Like after 9-11.

00:07:04.000 Those slims, 1.00

00:07:04.860 bro.

00:07:05.320 They never said that.

00:07:06.880 Bro,

00:07:07.160 people,

00:07:07.640 it's definitely been said.

00:07:09.900 That has been said.

00:07:10.240 You said it probably a thousand times.

00:07:12.020 That's why.

00:07:12.960 And you heard yourself say it

00:07:14.080 and you're like,

00:07:14.420 oh,

00:07:14.540 that's a thing.

00:07:15.180 I'm just saying.

00:07:16.000 I've never heard slim,

00:07:17.200 bro.

00:07:18.480 All right.

00:07:19.000 So I'm with Fahim.

00:07:20.600 We're walking down the street.

00:07:21.640 Okay.

00:07:22.020 Truck drives by.

00:07:23.220 Get off the street,

00:07:24.620 slims.

00:07:26.500 Now,

00:07:26.980 I think we would look,

00:07:27.880 honestly,

00:07:28.580 I think we would look at each other and go,

00:07:31.100 was they talking about me?

00:07:32.620 You know what I mean?

00:07:33.380 Right.

00:07:33.700 Or you,

00:07:33.980 because we've never heard slim before.

00:07:35.360 Okay.

00:07:35.920 So we would both,

00:07:36.740 we both absorb it.

00:07:38.120 Understood.

00:07:38.660 Yeah,

00:07:38.900 yeah.

00:07:39.060 But what I'm thinking is the best way for any racism to occur,

00:07:41.700 that it shouldn't occur.

00:07:43.640 It should never occur.

00:07:44.540 Right.

00:07:44.740 But if it has to occur in the world,

00:07:47.700 the best way,

00:07:48.360 sometimes it has to,

00:07:49.280 right?

00:07:50.440 Is that what you're saying?

00:07:51.940 Sometimes it has to.

00:07:52.740 I don't think,

00:07:53.280 look,

00:07:53.540 I don't,

00:07:53.920 I think a little bit keeps thing,

00:07:55.780 it keeps,

00:07:56.260 you know,

00:07:56.900 it keeps the engine running.

00:07:58.180 Yeah.

00:07:59.280 It keeps it.

00:08:00.260 Yeah.

00:08:00.460 And let's don't use the term engine.

00:08:02.720 Okay.

00:08:03.840 All right.

00:08:04.500 Well,

00:08:04.740 what I'm saying is that I think you,

00:08:09.940 the best way for racism to occur,

00:08:11.740 if it has to occur,

00:08:12.860 is if somebody drives and yells it out of her,

00:08:15.220 because then they're gone.

00:08:16.740 It's over.

00:08:17.340 It happens.

00:08:18.420 It's a drive by racism.

00:08:19.660 Yes.

00:08:20.120 Yeah.

00:08:20.320 Yeah.

00:08:20.520 But you're saying that's okay.

00:08:21.680 No,

00:08:22.000 I don't think it's okay,

00:08:22.620 but I think it's the safest way for it.

00:08:24.640 It's the safest way to do it.

00:08:25.580 Yeah.

00:08:25.740 But then if they do a U-turn,

00:08:27.720 then we got a problem.

00:08:30.540 What's up,

00:08:31.260 Slim?

00:08:31.740 And I'm like,

00:08:32.160 oh,

00:08:32.380 that's,

00:08:32.920 they turn around.

00:08:34.680 Yeah.

00:08:34.960 Then we're running.

00:08:35.860 Yeah.

00:08:36.180 Yeah.

00:08:37.560 Yeah.

00:08:37.980 And we don't even know,

00:08:38.840 me and Fium,

00:08:39.160 we don't even know who they're talking about,

00:08:40.440 but we're both going to run just in case,

00:08:41.900 you know?

00:08:42.780 Yeah.

00:08:43.400 I don't,

00:08:43.920 you know,

00:08:44.100 can I be honest with you,

00:08:44.880 man?

00:08:45.500 Yeah,

00:08:45.840 man. 0.62

00:08:46.660 You don't have a racist bone in your body, 0.64

00:08:48.100 man.

00:08:48.940 I don't think so.

00:08:53.080 I don't think so,

00:08:54.060 man.

00:08:54.340 I don't think so either,

00:08:55.480 dude.

00:08:55.740 I can name a few comments that may,

00:08:58.360 you know what I mean?

00:08:58.880 They kind of lean,

00:09:00.280 you know,

00:09:00.420 I want to name it.

00:09:01.220 Oh,

00:09:01.420 can I just get out this out of the way,

00:09:02.740 bro?

00:09:02.980 Yeah.

00:09:03.920 And I have some resentments,

00:09:05.100 not towards you.

00:09:05.880 Yeah.

00:09:06.300 But toward the community.

00:09:07.360 Okay.

00:09:08.320 I'm going to,

00:09:08.740 so anyway,

00:09:09.460 what happened?

00:09:10.480 Well,

00:09:10.680 yesterday was my birthday.

00:09:13.020 So over the weekend,

00:09:14.140 you know,

00:09:14.300 me and bad friends,

00:09:15.440 we did some shows.

00:09:16.560 We were in,

00:09:19.080 one of them white.

00:09:21.000 Columbus.

00:09:21.900 One of them places.

00:09:22.800 No,

00:09:23.000 we were in Pittsburgh,

00:09:23.740 bro.

00:09:24.080 Oh yeah.

00:09:24.660 So we're doing a show.

00:09:31.840 Sorry,

00:09:32.340 it's Pittsburgh boy.

00:09:38.020 Mom's going to get your Playboy subscription. 0.99

00:09:41.060 Is that Pittsburgh?

00:09:42.060 Yeah.

00:09:42.340 If you come down from now.

00:09:44.100 All right.

00:09:44.620 All right.

00:09:44.840 Anyway,

00:09:45.100 we're in Pittsburgh.

00:09:45.660 We're doing a show.

00:09:46.780 Halfway during the show.

00:09:47.680 It's my birthday,

00:09:48.340 right?

00:09:48.540 So then Andrew goes,

00:09:51.400 yo dude,

00:09:52.240 happy birthday.

00:09:53.100 Andrew Santino from Bad Friends.

00:09:55.200 Your co-host.

00:09:57.000 I'm just making sure everybody knows who you're talking about.

00:09:59.040 Yeah,

00:09:59.280 man.

00:10:00.160 We didn't say his name.

00:10:00.760 He said Andrew.

00:10:01.780 Yeah,

00:10:01.900 but I said,

00:10:02.280 anyway,

00:10:03.080 oh yeah,

00:10:03.280 Andrew Santino.

00:10:04.000 Okay.

00:10:04.300 Okay.

00:10:04.980 So then he goes,

00:10:05.880 you know,

00:10:07.360 we have,

00:10:07.860 happy birthday.

00:10:08.420 I got a birthday collage of people sending in,

00:10:13.240 you know what I mean?

00:10:14.140 Videos.

00:10:14.920 Oh yeah.

00:10:15.320 And I want to say,

00:10:16.100 bro,

00:10:16.820 thank you so much.

00:10:17.780 You sent in a video,

00:10:18.760 dude.

00:10:18.920 Thank you.

00:10:19.720 You're welcome.

00:10:20.000 A lot of people did.

00:10:21.120 John Mayer did.

00:10:22.220 Wow.

00:10:22.640 Yeah.

00:10:22.980 Not the musician,

00:10:23.960 you know,

00:10:24.200 I know a guy named John who was a mayor at Victorville.

00:10:25.960 Oh yeah.

00:10:26.500 No,

00:10:26.700 the musician.

00:10:27.120 That was a bad joke.

00:10:28.180 But John Mayer did,

00:10:29.060 right?

00:10:29.520 Whitney Cummings,

00:10:30.400 right?

00:10:30.920 The little handsome dwarf.

00:10:32.420 He's in the movies.

00:10:33.140 What's his name?

00:10:34.120 The handsome dwarf.

00:10:34.960 Adam Devine.

00:10:36.020 No way.

00:10:36.660 Yeah,

00:10:37.020 dude.

00:10:37.500 Wow.

00:10:37.920 One of the best looking dwarves I've ever seen.

00:10:39.760 Better than Peter Dinklage.

00:10:41.180 Oh yeah.

00:10:41.920 And they're not acting similar,

00:10:43.600 but in terms of good looking dude,

00:10:45.180 oh my God,

00:10:45.860 dude.

00:10:46.280 Divine versus Dinklage.

00:10:47.800 Dude,

00:10:48.300 that's a show,

00:10:48.960 dude,

00:10:49.100 or a movie or something.

00:10:50.120 Yeah.

00:10:50.640 It's like Alien versus Predator.

00:10:54.300 It'll be that kind of movie.

00:10:56.040 Don't you think?

00:10:56.680 I wonder how much Dinklage he's got on him.

00:10:59.900 That's got to be,

00:11:00.660 I know people say that all the time.

00:11:02.280 Yeah.

00:11:02.980 So there was a bunch of people sent in videos.

00:11:05.600 Oh man.

00:11:06.260 Except,

00:11:06.580 and then afterwards,

00:11:08.140 I looked at Andrew and go,

00:11:10.620 who didn't send one?

00:11:12.460 You know what I mean?

00:11:13.080 Because he requested a lot.

00:11:15.580 I don't want to call anybody out,

00:11:17.020 man,

00:11:17.260 but there's a couple that I don't want to say their names,

00:11:19.200 but it really broke my heart,

00:11:20.300 man.

00:11:21.260 Let me,

00:11:21.560 they got requests.

00:11:22.800 Wow.

00:11:23.260 And they never sent one.

00:11:24.460 Can I guess who someone could be?

00:11:25.740 I can give you some hints.

00:11:27.100 Okay.

00:11:27.640 One hint?

00:11:28.380 Yeah.

00:11:29.680 One of the guys,

00:11:31.240 imagine finding a dead body in a lake,

00:11:35.300 but it's been there for a month and it's bloated.

00:11:38.380 Oh yeah,

00:11:38.840 it will be bloated.

00:11:39.800 Yeah,

00:11:40.020 yeah,

00:11:40.100 some of the jewelry too will be like.

00:11:41.920 Yeah,

00:11:42.300 yeah,

00:11:42.440 yeah.

00:11:42.620 So that's one of them.

00:11:43.680 Okay.

00:11:44.280 The other one used to look like that.

00:11:48.040 What?

00:11:49.140 Bert.

00:11:50.340 I'm not going to answer that,

00:11:51.800 man.

00:11:52.660 Okay.

00:11:53.220 The other guy is friends with the dead body guy who used to look like that,

00:11:57.400 but doesn't.

00:11:58.300 And he claims he's Hispanic,

00:12:00.720 but you don't see no Hispanic blood,

00:12:02.880 blood lines in his face.

00:12:04.180 You know what I mean?

00:12:04.560 Yeah,

00:12:04.740 yeah,

00:12:04.920 yeah.

00:12:05.160 He's like,

00:12:05.820 you know,

00:12:06.140 definitely.

00:12:07.820 Never said that.

00:12:09.000 Okay.

00:12:09.360 Sorry.

00:12:09.600 Never said that.

00:12:10.260 Neither,

00:12:10.400 neither.

00:12:10.580 Okay.

00:12:10.940 But those are a couple of guys,

00:12:12.800 man,

00:12:13.040 that like I thought they were like my boys,

00:12:16.120 dude,

00:12:16.380 and they betrayed me a little bit.

00:12:18.260 Like,

00:12:18.580 you know,

00:12:18.740 you said the video was long.

00:12:21.060 Yeah.

00:12:21.160 There were some people that I don't even know that well that sent a video.

00:12:23.680 Yeah.

00:12:24.140 You know?

00:12:25.240 And,

00:12:25.720 you know,

00:12:26.220 it just goes to show you who your friends are,

00:12:28.440 man.

00:12:28.880 Oh.

00:12:29.400 In this business.

00:12:30.060 You seem like Steve,

00:12:31.320 right?

00:12:31.540 I seem like your brother.

00:12:32.320 This is what my brother does.

00:12:33.280 Yeah.

00:12:33.740 Yeah.

00:12:34.240 When he says stuff.

00:12:35.500 Yeah.

00:12:36.400 But,

00:12:36.820 you know,

00:12:36.960 when we get emotional,

00:12:37.660 we do this,

00:12:38.300 dude.

00:12:38.380 Yeah.

00:12:38.700 Yeah.

00:12:39.320 You know what I mean?

00:12:39.740 So it's like,

00:12:40.920 you know,

00:12:41.120 you think that like they're,

00:12:43.040 those two guys,

00:12:43.600 you know what they're like,

00:12:44.180 man?

00:12:44.780 You know what they're like?

00:12:46.240 In a war,

00:12:47.100 dude?

00:12:47.600 Oh,

00:12:47.820 dude,

00:12:48.280 you ever see Forrest Gump?

00:12:49.900 Yeah.

00:12:51.160 Remember the guy,

00:12:53.260 who's the guy that lost his arms and stuff?

00:12:54.800 Oh,

00:12:55.020 oh,

00:12:55.920 no,

00:12:56.060 not Dan,

00:12:56.680 not Dan,

00:12:57.100 Dan.

00:12:57.260 Benedict Arnold.

00:12:58.180 Not Benedict Arnold.

00:12:59.840 No,

00:13:01.120 I'm not even talking about.

00:13:02.420 Oh,

00:13:02.580 yeah.

00:13:02.920 Remember when,

00:13:04.460 who was he saving when like,

00:13:05.900 um,

00:13:06.600 Forrest was running and in the Vietnam War,

00:13:08.780 he was grabbing,

00:13:09.420 he went to go save somebody's life.

00:13:11.020 Was that him?

00:13:12.000 Or was,

00:13:12.140 it was Bubba.

00:13:13.360 Was it the black guy?

00:13:14.420 Bubba. 0.91

00:13:15.160 Bubba.

00:13:16.020 Anyway,

00:13:17.300 that's a terrible analogy,

00:13:18.980 but these two guys would not run back from me in a war.

00:13:22.840 I feel like if you weren't in a war,

00:13:25.460 let's just make up a war.

00:13:27.780 Like,

00:13:28.000 okay,

00:13:28.300 the war of,

00:13:28.880 Serbian Manta,

00:13:29.720 Manta,

00:13:30.600 Manta,

00:13:30.620 Manta,

00:13:30.680 Manta,

00:13:30.700 what's it called?

00:13:32.420 But wars are going to be sponsored probably by different.

00:13:34.820 So it would be like the,

00:13:35.980 like,

00:13:36.980 like Amazon war of 2027 or something.

00:13:40.820 Right.

00:13:41.080 And there,

00:13:41.440 oh,

00:13:41.660 you know what,

00:13:42.040 dude,

00:13:42.200 Amazon versus the Eskimos.

00:13:44.100 That's never been done.

00:13:45.940 Hmm.

00:13:46.520 There's not a lot of Eskimos.

00:13:47.620 I know,

00:13:48.000 but still,

00:13:48.760 if it's cold,

00:13:50.080 dude,

00:13:50.560 they might win.

00:13:51.980 Yeah.

00:13:52.340 I don't know.

00:13:52.600 If it's an icy environment,

00:13:53.540 dude,

00:13:53.980 like Hoff,

00:13:55.000 like Amazon versus like who?

00:13:56.100 Amazon truck drivers or something?

00:13:57.500 Yeah.

00:13:58.260 Yeah,

00:13:58.720 dude.

00:13:59.620 Amazon truck drivers versus Eskimos.

00:14:01.860 I mean,

00:14:02.080 that could be a good war.

00:14:03.040 Yeah.

00:14:03.740 Anyway,

00:14:04.180 you and I are caught up in it.

00:14:05.460 Oh yeah.

00:14:05.960 Right.

00:14:06.840 My legs are gone.

00:14:08.140 Oh.

00:14:08.540 Right.

00:14:08.840 I feel like you would go,

00:14:10.940 I think you'd come back for me,

00:14:12.000 dude.

00:14:12.660 Yeah.

00:14:12.840 I'd put you on my,

00:14:13.720 um,

00:14:14.900 on my back,

00:14:16.120 you know?

00:14:17.200 What do you mean on your back?

00:14:17.760 Like a backpack?

00:14:18.140 Backpack,

00:14:18.600 yeah.

00:14:18.940 Backpack,

00:14:19.380 backpack.

00:14:20.200 And,

00:14:20.620 this is my friend.

00:14:21.560 Backpack.

00:14:22.280 Yeah.

00:14:23.080 Yeah.

00:14:24.320 Yeah.

00:14:24.720 Yeah.

00:14:25.080 What I would do with you,

00:14:26.040 dude,

00:14:26.160 I would put, 1.00

00:14:26.720 tie a rope to your neck, 1.00

00:14:28.500 but not to hang you, 1.00

00:14:29.680 but I would drag you. 0.99

00:14:30.600 What?

00:14:30.980 It sounds very.

00:14:32.720 Well,

00:14:32.880 all you have to do is you put your hands

00:14:34.120 where the rope is so you can get some oxygen.

00:14:37.180 Oh yeah.

00:14:37.400 It sounds comfortable.

00:14:38.120 Yeah.

00:14:38.320 Yeah.

00:14:38.580 So,

00:14:38.840 and I would drag you out.

00:14:39.760 My point is,

00:14:40.400 terrible analogies,

00:14:41.540 but my point is these two, 0.99

00:14:42.940 two fools probably wouldn't even save me, 1.00

00:14:44.680 man. 1.00

00:14:45.040 Wow.

00:14:45.480 So it really hurt your feelings?

00:14:47.280 A little bit.

00:14:48.360 Wouldn't it hurt yours?

00:14:49.340 Well,

00:14:49.680 I think that if Andrew asked everybody,

00:14:52.480 I don't know who he asked.

00:14:53.620 Do you know?

00:14:54.520 And did a lot of,

00:14:56.080 were most of the,

00:14:57.480 did your,

00:14:58.420 did anybody else make a video?

00:15:00.280 Like,

00:15:00.500 did a lot of your other comedian friends make them?

00:15:02.600 Or I'm going to tell you,

00:15:03.500 Bobby Kelly.

00:15:04.540 Mm-hmm.

00:15:04.820 I know him okay.

00:15:06.780 Right?

00:15:07.240 He's from New York.

00:15:08.160 I've known him for a very long time.

00:15:09.760 Him and I have rekindled our relationships.

00:15:12.360 I don't really love the guy,

00:15:13.460 but Bobby Kelly,

00:15:14.560 he's sounding one.

00:15:15.700 Oh.

00:15:16.080 Right?

00:15:16.280 My brother,

00:15:16.840 obviously.

00:15:17.620 Mm-hmm.

00:15:18.040 Kalilah,

00:15:18.500 obviously.

00:15:19.080 And then who else?

00:15:19.620 Whitney,

00:15:20.820 Adam,

00:15:21.760 John Mayer,

00:15:22.640 um, 1.00

00:15:24.920 fuck, 1.00

00:15:25.360 you, 1.00

00:15:26.100 a bunch of fools. 1.00

00:15:27.540 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:28.060 But you know,

00:15:28.480 they were just not in it,

00:15:29.760 you know?

00:15:30.100 Anyway.

00:15:31.000 Would you,

00:15:31.440 so you wouldn't be sensitive about it?

00:15:33.320 Oh yeah,

00:15:33.740 I think,

00:15:34.100 well it depends like on who they asked

00:15:36.000 and what was going on.

00:15:37.100 If those people were,

00:15:38.100 if they've been ill,

00:15:39.000 if they've been in a hospital,

00:15:40.040 if they've been.

00:15:40.760 Oh,

00:15:41.060 okay.

00:15:41.400 Going through like a family thing.

00:15:42.960 I don't remember how long ago

00:15:44.100 Andrew asked me for it.

00:15:45.240 I think it was just a few days ago.

00:15:46.840 Yeah,

00:15:47.080 that's what he told me.

00:15:48.760 And he goes,

00:15:49.520 Theo responded so quickly

00:15:51.220 and that's why.

00:15:53.060 Thanks,

00:15:53.560 dude.

00:15:54.660 No.

00:15:55.560 Don't cry,

00:15:56.480 brother.

00:15:57.360 You know,

00:15:57.760 brother.

00:15:59.580 Don't cry.

00:16:00.280 That really hit me

00:16:01.380 because I was,

00:16:02.060 so I was laying on the stage.

00:16:03.540 Yeah.

00:16:04.120 Like this,

00:16:04.600 watching the video.

00:16:05.460 Oh.

00:16:05.800 And I got emotional.

00:16:06.800 Yeah.

00:16:07.160 But then of course I asked,

00:16:08.460 but anyway,

00:16:08.840 let's move on from it.

00:16:09.780 But you know,

00:16:10.220 it's out of pocket,

00:16:11.020 dude.

00:16:11.600 It's out of pocket.

00:16:12.480 God,

00:16:12.840 dude.

00:16:13.060 And do you feel like you're going to pay,

00:16:14.160 how do you pay that back?

00:16:15.320 Are you going to hold a grudge?

00:16:16.480 Because it sounds like you have a resentment.

00:16:19.180 Yeah,

00:16:19.540 I do.

00:16:20.000 A deep one.

00:16:20.620 And guess what?

00:16:21.420 What? 1.00

00:16:22.040 I'm not going to fuck with those guys for a while. 1.00

00:16:23.980 Wow. 1.00

00:16:24.420 Maybe at least a month.

00:16:25.620 Mm.

00:16:26.100 Mm-hmm.

00:16:26.860 One month,

00:16:27.600 huh?

00:16:27.800 Yeah,

00:16:28.140 man.

00:16:28.680 One month off that Bobby Lee.

00:16:30.220 Yeah.

00:16:31.060 Bobby Lee.

00:16:31.920 Because you've never been,

00:16:32.760 you've never been in the outs with me,

00:16:34.360 bro.

00:16:35.480 Well.

00:16:36.840 Oh, 1.00

00:16:37.240 fuck. 1.00

00:16:37.500 Yeah. 1.00

00:16:38.020 Yeah,

00:16:38.180 you have. 1.00

00:16:38.880 Fuck. 1.00

00:16:39.380 I forgot. 1.00

00:16:40.080 I didn't know.

00:16:41.280 No,

00:16:42.260 I think after you and your girlfriend broke up,

00:16:44.180 I think there was a moment where you thought I was going to try to make a move,

00:16:46.640 I think.

00:16:48.660 And I remember you being a little bit strange to me.

00:16:51.180 I'll tell you what.

00:16:52.500 I think out of all the comments that would have made a mood,

00:16:55.140 that you had the better chance,

00:16:56.540 the best chance to get in,

00:16:57.880 maybe that's what it was.

00:16:58.960 Thank you.

00:17:00.020 I saw.

00:17:00.460 And I did not make a move.

00:17:02.000 You would never make a move.

00:17:03.120 Not a chance,

00:17:03.780 brother.

00:17:03.880 I could name you who did.

00:17:06.160 I'm not kidding.

00:17:06.760 Really?

00:17:07.480 Oh.

00:17:08.000 Dude.

00:17:09.280 Let me guess.

00:17:10.180 Were they black? 0.54

00:17:10.560 Wait,

00:17:10.760 what?

00:17:11.160 Are they black or white?

00:17:14.320 White. 0.81

00:17:14.680 White. 0.81

00:17:15.240 White. 1.00

00:17:15.780 The whites do that shit, 1.00

00:17:17.080 dude. 1.00

00:17:17.740 The blacks don't do that, 1.00

00:17:19.080 man. 1.00

00:17:19.120 They don't.

00:17:19.660 They're loyal,

00:17:20.340 bro.

00:17:20.940 Yeah.

00:17:21.520 You know what I mean?

00:17:22.100 I don't know.

00:17:22.940 A crypt would never shoot another crypt.

00:17:25.180 You don't think?

00:17:26.760 By accident,

00:17:27.640 maybe.

00:17:28.160 Dude,

00:17:28.400 you know a lot of like bloods,

00:17:30.100 they take C words and make them start with B,

00:17:32.500 you know that?

00:17:33.280 What do you mean?

00:17:34.480 They're like,

00:17:35.280 what do you mean?

00:17:36.300 Like we had YG in and he was talking about Sexy Red and he's like,

00:17:40.440 Sexy Red going brazy.

00:17:42.500 So they say,

00:17:43.400 instead of crazy,

00:17:44.400 they say brazy.

00:17:45.820 Starts with a B.

00:17:46.500 Wow.

00:17:47.080 Like they say,

00:17:47.540 I'm moving to Bompton.

00:17:48.680 Like they won't say Crompton.

00:17:49.920 Yeah.

00:17:50.240 I love that island,

00:17:51.160 Batalina.

00:17:52.000 Yeah.

00:17:52.200 They say,

00:17:52.600 yeah.

00:17:52.800 That's pretty cool.

00:17:53.480 They put a B in front of anything.

00:17:54.640 Yeah.

00:17:54.860 So they call,

00:17:56.580 Hey man,

00:17:57.800 you like my bats?

00:17:59.780 Oh yeah.

00:18:00.420 You want to come pet my bat?

00:18:01.980 Yeah.

00:18:02.120 But if they actually had a bat,

00:18:04.080 what would they call it?

00:18:06.360 I don't see a brother with a bat.

00:18:11.100 Yeah.

00:18:11.460 I've never seen a brother with a bat.

00:18:12.720 I don't,

00:18:12.920 you're talking about Count Blackula, 0.63

00:18:14.280 dog.

00:18:15.280 I don't think we're having that,

00:18:16.900 dude.

00:18:17.460 Yeah.

00:18:17.700 I've never seen that before.

00:18:18.760 Dude, 1.00

00:18:18.960 brothers don't fuck with a lot of shit like that. 1.00

00:18:21.040 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:21.480 Bats,

00:18:22.380 reptiles. 1.00

00:18:24.300 You don't see a brother with a fucking lizard. 1.00

00:18:26.420 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:27.280 Or a spider,

00:18:28.240 dude.

00:18:28.480 Yeah.

00:18:28.760 You don't see that.

00:18:29.040 I was like,

00:18:29.380 yo man,

00:18:29.860 pet my tarantula,

00:18:30.840 man.

00:18:31.300 I've never ever seen that before.

00:18:32.740 Yeah.

00:18:33.180 Yeah.

00:18:33.460 Now you'll see at Halloween,

00:18:34.560 sometimes a brother will leave his weaner out and put a fake spider on it.

00:18:37.540 You know?

00:18:37.700 Right.

00:18:38.120 Right.

00:18:38.320 Right.

00:18:38.920 And I don't want to be racist,

00:18:39.960 but I shouldn't even said that.

00:18:42.180 Yeah.

00:18:42.660 But I've never seen a brother with a cat either though.

00:18:45.600 Oh,

00:18:46.180 have you?

00:18:46.680 Is that true?

00:18:47.560 Have you?

00:18:48.080 I don't think so.

00:18:50.340 I've never seen it.

00:18:51.380 Oh, 0.98

00:18:51.660 damn me neither. 0.99

00:18:52.380 Yeah. 0.99

00:18:52.680 Yeah.

00:18:52.800 Like you see like old photos of like,

00:18:55.060 yeah.

00:18:55.560 Of like Marlon Brando was a huge cat dude.

00:18:58.780 Mm-hmm.

00:18:59.780 Abraham Lincoln.

00:19:00.640 How many cats did Abe Lincoln have?

00:19:02.120 Let's look it up.

00:19:02.800 Yeah.

00:19:03.020 Yeah.

00:19:03.660 But check it out,

00:19:04.420 dude.

00:19:04.540 And you think he freed black people. 0.99

00:19:06.120 You think one of them would stop by and pick up a cat. 0.94

00:19:08.980 Yeah.

00:19:09.340 Yeah.

00:19:09.900 I've never even seen like,

00:19:10.660 but you've never seen Sidney Poitier.

00:19:12.540 Right.

00:19:12.920 With like a cat dropped,

00:19:14.060 dropped around his shoulder.

00:19:15.420 But maybe if you Google it,

00:19:16.900 I've never Googled it.

00:19:17.560 Maybe that's true.

00:19:18.240 Yeah.

00:19:18.380 You never seen him just petting a tabby in the sun,

00:19:20.700 you know?

00:19:21.140 Yeah.

00:19:21.840 Yeah.

00:19:22.280 Yeah.

00:19:22.840 Yeah.

00:19:23.420 But he,

00:19:24.060 dude,

00:19:24.240 if they have an article, 1.00

00:19:25.740 then they fucking fucked with them. 1.00

00:19:27.140 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:27.440 He was fond of dumb animals, 1.00

00:19:28.920 especially cats. 1.00

00:19:30.260 It says.

00:19:31.900 Are you serious?

00:19:32.720 Left his dog at home in Springfield

00:19:34.200 when he went to the White House

00:19:35.200 and then had cats.

00:19:36.640 Was given an unexpected gift of two kittens

00:19:38.700 from Secretary of State William Seward.

00:19:40.820 Wow.

00:19:41.280 Wow.

00:19:41.660 A man giving another man two kittens is hella- 1.00

00:19:44.620 It's like suck my dick. 1.00

00:19:46.040 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:46.520 Right?

00:19:47.040 Right?

00:19:47.540 That was the 1800s.

00:19:49.720 Give me a BG, homie. 1.00

00:19:51.720 You know?

00:19:52.740 Why don't you duck below that Mason Dixon,

00:19:55.500 you know,

00:19:56.040 and hook a brother up?

00:19:57.000 It's a weird gift.

00:19:58.080 Yeah, dude.

00:19:58.240 Like if I gave you a kitten, dude,

00:20:00.060 I mean,

00:20:00.300 what would you do?

00:20:00.980 Why don't you emancipate these nuts?

00:20:02.940 You know what I'm saying?

00:20:03.840 Yeah.

00:20:04.200 That's what's going on.

00:20:05.760 But that's wild.

00:20:06.880 Yeah,

00:20:07.020 you don't see-

00:20:07.580 And bring up brothers with cats, man.

00:20:09.440 Maybe I'm wrong, though.

00:20:10.500 And I,

00:20:10.800 you know,

00:20:11.660 I've just never seen it.

00:20:13.020 Or Google my black friend with his cat. 0.65

00:20:17.540 Because you want real images.

00:20:18.780 I don't want stock footage.

00:20:19.620 Yeah,

00:20:19.860 yeah,

00:20:20.140 yeah,

00:20:20.280 yeah.

00:20:21.340 Yo,

00:20:21.660 dude,

00:20:21.920 all they show is black cats.

00:20:23.680 Yeah,

00:20:24.040 and black cat,

00:20:24.760 that's-

00:20:24.960 oh,

00:20:25.140 and it has a brother with a tabby.

00:20:26.380 Where?

00:20:28.280 Right there.

00:20:29.420 That's a kid, though.

00:20:30.620 That's-

00:20:31.020 yeah.

00:20:31.320 Oh, yeah,

00:20:31.560 there we go.

00:20:32.020 Oh,

00:20:32.160 there we go.

00:20:32.680 There we go.

00:20:34.000 One kid.

00:20:36.740 Yeah,

00:20:37.180 yeah.

00:20:37.340 Wow.

00:20:37.960 Yeah.

00:20:38.900 Listen,

00:20:39.380 listen,

00:20:39.820 you know,

00:20:40.320 I-

00:20:40.640 That's true, bro.

00:20:41.120 I don't want to make assumptions,

00:20:42.720 so that's crazy that I wouldn't even say that.

00:20:44.820 No,

00:20:45.080 it's funny.

00:20:45.180 I just said something I've never seen,

00:20:46.400 you know what I mean?

00:20:47.120 Bro,

00:20:47.380 it's America, man.

00:20:48.220 It's okay to look at things

00:20:49.320 and see things you see.

00:20:50.640 Right.

00:20:51.420 You know what I mean?

00:20:53.100 Yeah,

00:20:53.560 dude,

00:20:53.800 I would never have

00:20:55.180 tried to slide in your ex.

00:20:57.120 Are you guys-

00:20:57.820 are you still living with your ex-girlfriend?

00:20:59.720 No,

00:21:00.060 she moved out.

00:21:00.720 No.

00:21:01.420 Yeah,

00:21:01.720 I didn't.

00:21:02.320 Oh.

00:21:02.920 No,

00:21:03.160 she moved a couple of blocks away.

00:21:05.080 Was it sad when she moved out,

00:21:06.200 kind of?

00:21:10.360 Yeah,

00:21:10.820 because the house is so dirty now.

00:21:13.240 Oh,

00:21:14.240 really?

00:21:14.960 When you're living with a girl, 1.00

00:21:16.480 Yeah.

00:21:17.400 your house is clean.

00:21:18.860 It's like its own filter,

00:21:19.960 like filtering system.

00:21:21.480 Yeah,

00:21:21.720 like oysters have that.

00:21:22.720 Right,

00:21:23.880 right,

00:21:24.040 right,

00:21:24.500 right.

00:21:24.920 But now it's like,

00:21:26.640 there's cat vomit all over the place.

00:21:28.540 And the other day they found maggots.

00:21:30.940 Yeah,

00:21:31.480 dude.

00:21:31.960 Nuh-uh.

00:21:32.500 Yeah.

00:21:32.880 How many of them? 0.99

00:21:34.280 One maggot. 0.99

00:21:36.340 No,

00:21:36.580 they found hundreds.

00:21:37.960 Oh.

00:21:38.500 You know what it was?

00:21:39.300 It was like,

00:21:40.020 you know what I've been doing? 0.96

00:21:41.280 This is so fucking sad. 0.96

00:21:42.520 I know it is. 0.97

00:21:43.400 But,

00:21:43.700 you know,

00:21:44.200 when the girls lived up, 0.98

00:21:45.200 because I had Jules live there too.

00:21:46.760 When the girls lived there, 0.96

00:21:47.500 you know,

00:21:47.680 we would put out the cat food,

00:21:48.800 wet food,

00:21:49.260 and after the cats were done,

00:21:50.720 they would wash it.

00:21:52.080 Me,

00:21:52.540 I just leave out more bowls of cat food.

00:21:54.620 Oh.

00:21:55.220 Right?

00:21:55.680 And then all of a sudden,

00:21:56.720 Jules was cleaning my house 1.00

00:21:57.900 and then she was like,

00:21:59.980 she saw one of the,

00:22:00.840 and they had been there for a month

00:22:02.020 and there was just maggots in it.

00:22:04.300 Oh.

00:22:04.860 Yeah,

00:22:05.260 so,

00:22:06.220 that's the sad part.

00:22:08.900 But it's,

00:22:09.280 you know,

00:22:09.480 in the beginning,

00:22:10.580 it's lonely.

00:22:11.400 It really is.

00:22:11.960 Because when you're living with somebody

00:22:12.860 for 10 years,

00:22:13.920 Wow.

00:22:14.260 and then all the life

00:22:15.360 is sucked out of the house.

00:22:16.540 She took the dogs too. 0.96

00:22:17.900 Uh-uh.

00:22:18.260 Yeah,

00:22:19.260 so like,

00:22:19.680 the first couple of months,

00:22:20.680 it was like,

00:22:20.940 you'd wake up,

00:22:21.460 it was silent.

00:22:22.860 You know what I mean?

00:22:23.600 It was just silent in my house.

00:22:25.260 It was like,

00:22:26.240 I don't know how I made it through it,

00:22:27.420 man.

00:22:28.140 I was really sad about it.

00:22:29.900 But then like,

00:22:30.760 then I started bringing girls over

00:22:32.160 and then eating the vagines, 0.98

00:22:33.600 man.

00:22:33.880 Oh,

00:22:34.360 wow.

00:22:34.600 Hello.

00:22:34.840 You're looking down there,

00:22:35.460 huh?

00:22:35.960 Hello.

00:22:36.760 I'll take the specs off for that.

00:22:40.040 Yeah.

00:22:40.560 Hey.

00:22:40.900 I mean,

00:22:41.120 you start hooking up,

00:22:41.880 right?

00:22:41.980 Because I,

00:22:42.280 you know,

00:22:42.480 I haven't done that for a long time.

00:22:43.940 But that's kind of sad though,

00:22:45.300 isn't it?

00:22:45.740 Like,

00:22:45.920 it gets kind of sad just some gal comes over

00:22:49.300 and you,

00:22:50.380 you know,

00:22:50.880 and you hook up and then she, 0.93

00:22:52.280 now are these women, 1.00

00:22:53.640 are these women sleeping overnight 0.94

00:22:55.160 or are these women going home? 1.00

00:22:56.660 One of them spent the night.

00:22:58.020 Ooh.

00:22:58.680 It was,

00:22:59.000 okay,

00:22:59.140 so there's one girl that I was seeing

00:23:00.760 and I,

00:23:01.200 this is maybe seven months ago

00:23:02.720 and I was like,

00:23:04.020 oh,

00:23:04.400 this is,

00:23:05.120 I like this girl a lot.

00:23:06.980 And then out of the blue,

00:23:07.820 she goes,

00:23:08.140 I met someone younger,

00:23:09.020 bye.

00:23:09.540 No.

00:23:10.500 And then I,

00:23:10.960 I looked him up,

00:23:11.860 dude.

00:23:12.460 Younger than an Asian? 0.97

00:23:14.300 I know.

00:23:15.560 It was a baby.

00:23:17.360 Oh,

00:23:17.680 yeah.

00:23:17.720 She's dating a baby.

00:23:20.200 He's eight months old.

00:23:21.360 Yeah,

00:23:21.600 yeah.

00:23:21.860 No,

00:23:22.300 this dude,

00:23:23.860 it hurt my feelings,

00:23:24.740 but this dude

00:23:25.400 looked like

00:23:27.000 Brandon Lee,

00:23:28.540 bro.

00:23:29.160 Who's Brandon Lee?

00:23:31.240 I don't know,

00:23:31.820 man.

00:23:33.000 Dang.

00:23:33.540 No,

00:23:33.760 he was Bruce Lee's

00:23:34.660 son.

00:23:36.020 Bruce Lee's son?

00:23:36.880 The crow,

00:23:37.460 he died.

00:23:38.640 Oh,

00:23:39.060 yeah,

00:23:39.420 he died.

00:23:39.860 The one that got shot?

00:23:40.980 I remember that.

00:23:41.480 Yeah.

00:23:41.980 He was the first one to do that.

00:23:43.440 You know what I mean?

00:23:43.860 Oh,

00:23:44.080 wow,

00:23:44.280 he was handsome.

00:23:44.940 Handsome,

00:23:45.380 dude.

00:23:45.560 This dude was,

00:23:46.900 he looked,

00:23:47.460 this,

00:23:47.740 her,

00:23:48.280 so she goes,

00:23:48.960 I met someone younger.

00:23:50.140 I looked him up,

00:23:51.020 that's what he looks like.

00:23:52.400 Oh,

00:23:52.740 man.

00:23:53.040 And then you see photos of them like

00:23:54.520 at pool parties and he's ripped.

00:23:56.580 No.

00:23:57.240 Yeah.

00:23:57.980 So I was like,

00:23:58.740 oh,

00:23:59.140 you're more together.

00:24:01.660 Then,

00:24:02.140 you know,

00:24:02.800 your body styles,

00:24:05.180 I wouldn't say,

00:24:05.760 I wouldn't use the term ripped probably.

00:24:07.940 Yeah,

00:24:10.200 I mean,

00:24:11.040 but what else about him?

00:24:12.060 No,

00:24:12.240 but no,

00:24:12.700 what I'm saying though,

00:24:13.380 dude,

00:24:13.600 is, 0.79

00:24:15.180 just say that I'm fat.

00:24:17.720 I don't think you're fat at all.

00:24:20.060 I think you,

00:24:21.720 but I'm the opposite of ripped.

00:24:23.960 I wouldn't see,

00:24:24.760 I would say you're,

00:24:25.620 I wouldn't say ripped.

00:24:26.400 I would say you're.

00:24:27.100 Ripe?

00:24:27.860 Conjoined.

00:24:28.460 Oh,

00:24:28.580 conjoined.

00:24:29.860 Yeah.

00:24:30.380 Or joint,

00:24:30.880 I would say you're.

00:24:31.400 There's two people in one body.

00:24:32.660 Like a Simon,

00:24:33.400 like a Simon's twin thing.

00:24:35.240 I think we could carve one off of you.

00:24:38.960 That's me, 0.77

00:24:39.540 dude.

00:24:39.980 We could carve a little.

00:24:40.860 Yeah,

00:24:41.080 yeah,

00:24:41.260 I guess in a way,

00:24:42.300 dude.

00:24:43.160 Can I be honest with you,

00:24:43.960 though,

00:24:44.100 dude?

00:24:44.420 Yeah.

00:24:44.700 I haven't seen you in a while.

00:24:45.500 You gained a little bit too,

00:24:46.300 dude.

00:24:46.640 Yeah.

00:24:47.560 You know what I mean?

00:24:47.880 And you got a weird tear.

00:24:49.400 Huh?

00:24:49.840 I do.

00:24:50.520 A little bit.

00:24:52.140 And healthy.

00:24:52.860 You look healthy.

00:24:53.500 Thank you.

00:24:54.360 Anyway,

00:24:54.820 so she started,

00:24:56.240 she goes,

00:24:56.520 I met somebody

00:24:57.000 and it broke my heart.

00:24:58.440 And then I'm like,

00:24:59.360 but now,

00:25:01.380 I met somebody.

00:25:02.880 You did.

00:25:04.580 Yeah,

00:25:04.860 man.

00:25:05.580 What?

00:25:06.780 What's up,

00:25:07.380 dog?

00:25:07.420 Where at?

00:25:08.020 You met her online?

00:25:09.180 In here,

00:25:09.560 dude.

00:25:10.100 No,

00:25:10.380 you met her in the DMs.

00:25:11.160 Remember when I saw you in that movie,

00:25:12.280 you were just swiping,

00:25:13.080 people were seeing you wieners 0.94

00:25:14.140 and breasts and everything. 0.99

00:25:16.200 Oh,

00:25:16.400 we were shooting in that movie?

00:25:17.200 Yeah.

00:25:17.440 No,

00:25:17.760 but I met this girl after that.

00:25:19.120 Okay.

00:25:19.620 Yeah,

00:25:19.760 I met this girl.

00:25:21.220 I don't want,

00:25:21.600 because it's new,

00:25:22.420 but it's like,

00:25:23.720 she's the first person

00:25:24.800 that I kind of want,

00:25:25.800 I'm like,

00:25:26.900 I kind of like,

00:25:27.620 I like her.

00:25:28.600 You know,

00:25:28.800 aside from the girl

00:25:29.380 that betrayed me

00:25:30.160 with the Brandon Lee,

00:25:31.320 you know what I mean?

00:25:31.840 But,

00:25:33.020 yeah,

00:25:33.240 I like this new one,

00:25:35.740 you know,

00:25:35.980 she's,

00:25:36.680 yeah,

00:25:38.240 she's something wholesome.

00:25:39.120 You know what,

00:25:39.480 dude,

00:25:39.720 bro,

00:25:39.920 let me be honest with you.

00:25:40.880 Yeah. 0.99

00:25:41.620 I fucking, 1.00

00:25:42.580 I fuck, 1.00

00:25:43.200 oh man, 1.00

00:25:43.900 I love wholesome.

00:25:45.020 You do?

00:25:46.080 Yeah,

00:25:46.260 I love church going

00:25:47.420 when they make sweaters.

00:25:49.860 Yeah.

00:25:49.960 What do you call that?

00:25:51.660 When they're knitting.

00:25:53.940 No,

00:25:54.460 crocheting.

00:25:54.960 Crochet,

00:25:55.340 crochet,

00:25:55.640 knitting,

00:25:56.000 whatever,

00:25:56.380 you know what I mean?

00:25:56.680 I like it when they're like,

00:25:58.600 I've never seen Goodfellas.

00:26:00.180 Yeah.

00:26:00.740 Right?

00:26:01.400 Oh,

00:26:01.560 you can show them that

00:26:02.400 and it blows their mind.

00:26:03.560 Yeah,

00:26:03.820 good girls.

00:26:04.360 Yeah,

00:26:04.500 I've never seen The Departed.

00:26:05.780 Yeah,

00:26:06.280 yeah,

00:26:07.360 yeah,

00:26:07.540 yeah.

00:26:07.900 Or it's like,

00:26:09.220 they only,

00:26:09.800 this girl that I'm seeing,

00:26:11.060 she only likes Taylor Swift.

00:26:13.140 Oh,

00:26:13.560 yeah.

00:26:13.860 You know what I mean?

00:26:14.220 So then you can open her mind up

00:26:15.540 to like good music too,

00:26:16.800 you know?

00:26:17.140 Yeah,

00:26:17.500 yeah.

00:26:17.720 You know what I mean?

00:26:18.240 Like,

00:26:18.460 this is good music right here.

00:26:19.640 You know what I mean?

00:26:19.920 The Clash or whatever.

00:26:22.180 But I like Wholesome,

00:26:23.100 dude.

00:26:23.360 She goes to church.

00:26:24.400 Wow.

00:26:25.000 Twice every Sunday?

00:26:26.340 Really?

00:26:26.920 Yeah.

00:26:27.160 What ethnicity,

00:26:29.520 like what church ethnicity is she?

00:26:33.000 What do you mean?

00:26:33.800 Like what?

00:26:35.620 I've never heard church ethnicity.

00:26:37.480 You know,

00:26:37.800 denomination.

00:26:38.680 Sorry.

00:26:39.060 Oh,

00:26:39.460 I see.

00:26:41.520 I don't know.

00:26:42.160 The one with the cross.

00:26:43.760 Oh,

00:26:44.100 yeah.

00:26:44.360 Yeah,

00:26:44.540 yeah.

00:26:44.900 It has to do with the cross.

00:26:46.360 It has nothing to do with other things.

00:26:48.460 Like an alien or whatever.

00:26:50.140 Protestant.

00:26:50.720 Yeah,

00:26:50.960 yeah.

00:26:51.300 Yeah.

00:26:52.300 It's one of those

00:26:53.100 mega churches.

00:26:54.300 So it's like

00:26:54.560 one of those born again,

00:26:56.220 you know how they do

00:26:56.800 the Harvest Crusade?

00:26:58.260 Yeah.

00:26:58.580 In like a huge stadium.

00:27:01.300 Jesus.

00:27:02.460 Yeah.

00:27:03.000 Is a future.

00:27:04.020 I don't know how that is.

00:27:04.640 Loving,

00:27:05.440 loving it good.

00:27:07.380 Jesus, 1.00

00:27:08.260 touch my tits. 1.00

00:27:09.940 That's the one I'm from. 0.99

00:27:11.240 Oh,

00:27:11.660 really?

00:27:12.060 Yeah,

00:27:12.240 yeah.

00:27:12.460 They have that in Oklahoma

00:27:13.320 or whatever.

00:27:14.060 Yeah,

00:27:14.160 yeah.

00:27:14.320 The Lord is in my skirt.

00:27:16.680 Yeah.

00:27:17.000 That's a good shirt.

00:27:17.860 Yeah.

00:27:18.120 I want to go to that.

00:27:18.640 That's a crazy one,

00:27:19.440 dude.

00:27:19.780 I saw a guy the other day, 0.74

00:27:21.300 a gay guy had a shirt on.

00:27:22.460 It said, 0.97

00:27:22.840 Jesus.

00:27:24.000 Oh,

00:27:24.400 it said,

00:27:24.720 God is my girlfriend on it. 0.99

00:27:26.440 And I was like,

00:27:26.940 that's insane.

00:27:27.640 That's insane. 0.79

00:27:28.840 That's sexual,

00:27:29.820 dude.

00:27:29.880 I know.

00:27:30.320 It was a lot.

00:27:30.920 Yeah,

00:27:31.080 that's a lot,

00:27:31.800 dude.

00:27:32.320 Yeah,

00:27:32.560 dude,

00:27:32.820 the Christians, 0.99

00:27:34.240 it gets real gay with Christ, 0.99

00:27:36.480 huh? 0.98

00:27:36.900 Well,

00:27:37.220 I think anything,

00:27:38.920 the more,

00:27:39.420 the,

00:27:39.980 at the,

00:27:40.620 everything,

00:27:41.880 if you get too much. 0.99

00:27:43.400 Are these dicks touching? 1.00

00:27:44.340 No, 0.99

00:27:44.500 it's too much love.

00:27:45.360 If you get too much love going,

00:27:47.480 there's,

00:27:48.120 yeah, 0.99

00:27:48.760 something gay has to happen. 0.99

00:27:50.460 Like, 0.98

00:27:50.720 you listen to the lyrics like,

00:27:52.060 you're the love of my life.

00:27:54.100 All I need is you,

00:27:56.100 Jesus.

00:27:57.440 It's like,

00:27:58.120 you're,

00:27:58.580 you're hitting on,

00:28:00.080 it's just weird.

00:28:01.460 Or,

00:28:01.660 Jesus,

00:28:02.820 Las Vegas.

00:28:04.840 Yeah,

00:28:05.980 yeah,

00:28:06.080 yeah.

00:28:06.100 And they're like,

00:28:06.600 trying to get people to go to Vegas.

00:28:07.700 Vegas,

00:28:08.200 yeah,

00:28:08.320 it's weird.

00:28:08.720 Yeah,

00:28:08.980 yeah,

00:28:09.420 yeah,

00:28:09.580 yeah,

00:28:09.880 yeah,

00:28:10.100 yeah,

00:28:10.120 yeah,

00:28:10.360 yeah,

00:28:10.480 we just got to church,

00:28:11.560 man.

00:28:12.560 I don't even know it.

00:28:13.340 Jesus loves you.

00:28:15.580 Yes,

00:28:15.900 I know for the Bible tells you so.

00:28:19.880 That's a classic.

00:28:20.740 Yeah,

00:28:21.000 that's like free bird for a Christian.

00:28:22.780 Yeah,

00:28:23.240 you know what I mean?

00:28:23.520 It's a classic.

00:28:24.020 Well,

00:28:24.160 it's hard to say you're not gay if you love Jesus and you're a man.

00:28:28.580 What? 0.69

00:28:29.480 Because you,

00:28:30.160 there's a part of you that's loving another man.

00:28:32.340 Right,

00:28:32.820 right. 0.96

00:28:33.240 There is a gay vibe there. 0.86

00:28:34.520 Well, 0.58

00:28:34.640 there's just a,

00:28:35.560 it's impossible to be, 0.93

00:28:37.180 you have to be at least whatever tithing 10% gay to even do Christianity, 0.98

00:28:44.440 it appears like. 0.94

00:28:45.160 Right,

00:28:45.440 right,

00:28:45.600 right,

00:28:45.780 right.

00:28:45.940 I get you.

00:28:46.640 Yeah,

00:28:46.860 yeah,

00:28:46.960 yeah.

00:28:47.500 And that's also,

00:28:48.220 can I just say another thing about it?

00:28:49.420 Yeah.

00:28:50.000 They talk about like,

00:28:51.020 I was listening to some lyrics of a Christian song and they said,

00:28:55.320 Jesus hold me in your arms forever.

00:28:59.920 Jesus has arms?

00:29:01.120 Yeah.

00:29:02.740 I mean,

00:29:03.300 think about it.

00:29:04.300 Yeah.

00:29:04.660 Like he's just up there as a human form.

00:29:06.880 Yeah,

00:29:07.320 he's yoked.

00:29:08.180 Yeah.

00:29:08.840 Does he shake your hand when you go to?

00:29:10.340 Welcome,

00:29:10.900 sir.

00:29:11.260 You know what I mean?

00:29:11.600 You would think that because there's probably millions of planets out there with intelligent

00:29:17.060 life and they probably don't look like us.

00:29:20.080 So if Jesus is.

00:29:22.200 Well,

00:29:22.580 there's a Jesus right there.

00:29:23.760 Yeah.

00:29:23.960 I think Jesus on planet earth.

00:29:25.520 Yes.

00:29:25.700 When he was on planet earth,

00:29:26.620 he had arms.

00:29:27.100 He wasn't a leper.

00:29:28.120 Right.

00:29:28.600 But he was like a guy.

00:29:29.660 You're talking about in heaven.

00:29:31.440 I don't think Jesus has arms in heaven.

00:29:33.080 But he might,

00:29:35.100 he might.

00:29:35.440 I mean,

00:29:35.800 he got them reachers on in my bed.

00:29:38.260 I got bad.

00:29:38.660 I bet he got some warm arms too.

00:29:40.580 You think so?

00:29:41.360 Yeah.

00:29:41.840 Jesus.

00:29:42.480 Yeah.

00:29:45.880 Sometimes you can feel Jesus and you're like,

00:29:48.240 sometimes I feel like Jesus is around or the,

00:29:50.300 the,

00:29:50.680 the love of,

00:29:52.200 you know,

00:29:52.640 when you feel like in love with something or whatever.

00:29:55.760 Um,

00:29:56.380 all right,

00:29:57.620 gentlemen,

00:29:57.840 let's talk,

00:29:58.380 uh,

00:29:58.720 cookware for a second because we need to,

00:30:01.220 if you've been anything like me,

00:30:02.780 you've been cooking out that dirty skillet,

00:30:05.500 but what are things?

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00:30:08.040 it can't.

00:30:09.000 Even when you look at it,

00:30:10.220 you just feel bad for anything.

00:30:11.520 It's about to cook.

00:30:12.900 That's what I'd been using until hex clad came along.

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00:31:19.600 Hey fellas,

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00:31:23.900 on your face,

00:31:25.080 then you might want to tighten up.

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00:32:21.820 Hit the refresh button with the handy man.

00:32:25.240 Bobby Lee,

00:32:26.860 man.

00:32:27.020 Good to see you,

00:32:27.520 dude.

00:32:29.080 Like we just been rambling,

00:32:30.820 brother.

00:32:31.160 Yeah.

00:32:31.320 Let's,

00:32:31.560 let's get real.

00:32:32.260 I sent a,

00:32:32.740 uh,

00:32:33.200 speaking of ladies, 1.00

00:32:34.000 I sent a DM to El Chapo's wife,

00:32:36.680 dude,

00:32:36.840 when she just got out of jail.

00:32:38.880 Bring her up, 1.00

00:32:39.640 please.

00:32:39.940 Zachary.

00:32:40.580 Really?

00:32:41.320 Yeah.

00:32:43.020 I sent a DM to her just saying,

00:32:45.260 what's up?

00:32:46.320 There,

00:32:46.540 she is right there.

00:32:48.180 I think you can do better,

00:32:49.040 dude.

00:32:49.120 You think that you think so?

00:32:52.160 Yeah,

00:32:52.480 I did.

00:32:52.760 Then Emma Coronel.

00:32:54.100 Yeah,

00:32:54.360 I did.

00:32:55.980 Plus there's like your life wouldn't,

00:32:58.660 I think your life would be in danger.

00:32:59.980 El Chapo.

00:33:01.660 Yeah,

00:33:01.920 but don't your life,

00:33:02.640 your life would be in danger.

00:33:04.100 Yeah,

00:33:04.500 dude,

00:33:04.660 but it would be exciting.

00:33:05.840 Imagine waking up every day and you don't know what's going to happen.

00:33:10.540 My friend.

00:33:11.960 And also like you're sober guy.

00:33:13.940 Yeah,

00:33:14.260 but I could handle it.

00:33:15.200 I would just,

00:33:16.100 she'd be around with a lot of coke. 0.99

00:33:17.040 I don't know.

00:33:17.580 Maybe.

00:33:18.020 I don't know.

00:33:18.480 She could do the coke.

00:33:19.500 I'll watch in the back.

00:33:20.940 Yeah.

00:33:21.780 She's kind of cute there.

00:33:23.240 Yeah.

00:33:23.760 I'll just knit in the back or something,

00:33:25.260 you know?

00:33:25.860 Yeah,

00:33:26.140 yeah,

00:33:26.340 yeah,

00:33:26.660 yeah.

00:33:28.040 She's pretty cute. 0.98

00:33:28.880 You've never dated,

00:33:29.460 I've never seen you with a Mexican. 1.00

00:33:31.940 I would do it,

00:33:32.820 man.

00:33:33.000 I think you don't,

00:33:35.340 I think a lot of,

00:33:36.440 I don't get hit on by a lot of Mexicans,

00:33:38.140 but I did.

00:33:38.980 I DMed,

00:33:39.660 I DMed El Chapo's,

00:33:42.480 her.

00:33:43.060 She just got out of prison. 0.86

00:33:44.320 My friend was showing me a picture of her.

00:33:45.440 He's like,

00:33:45.640 she's cute. 0.95

00:33:46.040 I was like,

00:33:46.820 I'm a slide,

00:33:47.760 man.

00:33:48.400 So,

00:33:49.300 I wasn't going to bring this up,

00:33:50.760 but we'll see what happens.

00:33:53.320 Did you ever DMed a,

00:33:55.040 I have a resentment towards you.

00:33:56.760 I just realized.

00:33:59.260 Yeah,

00:33:59.680 yeah,

00:33:59.900 yes,

00:34:00.140 sir.

00:34:00.780 What is it about,

00:34:01.680 you think?

00:34:02.860 And this is not a lie.

00:34:04.260 I swear to God,

00:34:05.980 I swear to God

00:34:07.160 on my life.

00:34:09.180 Okay.

00:34:10.000 So you know it's real,

00:34:11.280 right?

00:34:11.620 I don't know,

00:34:12.100 but yeah,

00:34:12.360 I'm listening.

00:34:12.960 What do you mean?

00:34:13.740 Yeah,

00:34:15.960 okay,

00:34:16.440 okay,

00:34:16.940 whatever.

00:34:17.860 Yeah,

00:34:18.000 I believe it could be real.

00:34:18.900 Three times.

00:34:19.880 Okay.

00:34:21.760 On Hinge,

00:34:22.900 when I was on it,

00:34:23.720 and two times on Raya.

00:34:25.320 I matched with a girl

00:34:27.440 and in the direct message,

00:34:29.580 they said,

00:34:30.620 yo,

00:34:30.940 I don't want to hurt your feelings,

00:34:32.920 but I'm not really,

00:34:34.840 I didn't match with you

00:34:35.640 because I want to hook, 0.60

00:34:36.920 I want to hook up with the yoke

00:34:38.440 and it set me up. 1.00

00:34:39.820 Damn. 0.99

00:34:40.880 And bro, 1.00

00:34:42.280 you didn't set me up.

00:34:47.560 How hard would that have been?

00:34:48.540 I made that birthday video for you.

00:34:51.800 You know what I'm saying,

00:34:52.840 bro?

00:34:53.220 Dude, 1.00

00:34:54.320 oh shit, 1.00

00:34:54.860 never looked at it that way. 1.00

00:34:56.300 Yeah,

00:34:56.580 how hard would it have been?

00:34:57.380 You think so?

00:34:58.100 How hard would it have been

00:34:58.800 when you know your boy's out here

00:35:00.240 looking for love? 1.00

00:35:02.800 Oh shit, 1.00

00:35:03.360 my bad. 1.00

00:35:03.940 Okay.

00:35:04.720 Looking in the Lord's lost

00:35:06.080 and found out here,

00:35:06.920 Los Angeles.

00:35:07.260 You know what,

00:35:07.660 you just told me like,

00:35:08.640 I was selfish about it,

00:35:09.900 huh?

00:35:10.200 Yeah.

00:35:10.760 Yeah,

00:35:11.040 so I could have been like,

00:35:12.600 yo,

00:35:12.860 I know you're so hot

00:35:14.540 and I was excited

00:35:15.300 when you matched with me

00:35:16.540 because I thought you liked,

00:35:18.080 you know what I mean,

00:35:18.420 the way I looked

00:35:19.340 and my comedy,

00:35:20.540 but you know,

00:35:21.020 you think I'm disgusting,

00:35:22.140 but here's my boy's number 0.69

00:35:24.920 because I just talked to him

00:35:26.340 and he wants to link up.

00:35:28.080 You think that should have happened?

00:35:29.380 I think it would have been the move.

00:35:30.680 I think because here's what I'm saying,

00:35:32.420 they say that if you give it,

00:35:33.880 you give it away,

00:35:34.860 you know?

00:35:35.900 You give it away.

00:35:36.740 The more people you give it away to,

00:35:37.860 the more it comes back.

00:35:38.460 You know what,

00:35:38.820 dude?

00:35:39.100 Maybe you're right.

00:35:39.920 You know,

00:35:40.140 I looked at it in a selfish way then,

00:35:42.320 but you have to admit,

00:35:43.040 dude,

00:35:43.160 that hurts your feelings.

00:35:44.380 Would that hurt your feelings?

00:35:45.980 I think it probably,

00:35:47.120 at some point in my life,

00:35:48.040 it would have now.

00:35:48.840 I don't think it would have.

00:35:50.200 I've had,

00:35:50.740 I've had buddies steal a girl 0.96

00:35:52.420 that I liked

00:35:53.100 and I think it,

00:35:55.240 yeah,

00:35:55.460 maybe mad,

00:35:56.420 but then I think like,

00:35:57.540 well,

00:35:57.720 if they're together,

00:35:58.700 then I'm not supposed to be

00:35:59.620 with that girl.

00:36:00.280 Oh,

00:36:00.480 dude,

00:36:00.640 you know,

00:36:00.820 you're looking at it

00:36:01.360 in a spiritual way,

00:36:02.180 dude.

00:36:02.280 Like,

00:36:02.540 everything happens for a reason.

00:36:03.980 I think you are,

00:36:04.580 dude.

00:36:04.680 I also put Nair

00:36:05.440 in a girl's shampoo one time

00:36:06.760 who broke up with me

00:36:07.500 when I was in college,

00:36:08.320 so.

00:36:10.680 Times change.

00:36:12.160 Yeah,

00:36:12.480 yeah,

00:36:12.680 yeah.

00:36:13.000 Yeah,

00:36:13.340 I get it.

00:36:13.880 I get it.

00:36:14.620 So,

00:36:14.820 yeah,

00:36:15.000 I mean,

00:36:15.920 so I guess those ladies, 1.00

00:36:17.240 because I've been,

00:36:17.880 I've been scolding them online,

00:36:19.520 you know,

00:36:19.780 on podcasts.

00:36:20.960 Yeah.

00:36:21.280 Hey,

00:36:21.520 lady,

00:36:22.280 whoever you are, 1.00

00:36:23.380 you fuck you, 1.00

00:36:24.060 bitch, 1.00

00:36:24.340 and all that stuff. 1.00

00:36:24.860 Damn, 0.99

00:36:25.200 really? 0.99

00:36:25.540 Yeah,

00:36:25.800 dude,

00:36:25.900 I get resentful,

00:36:26.860 dude.

00:36:27.080 You have a lot of resentment

00:36:27.760 towards women,

00:36:28.340 do you think,

00:36:28.680 honestly or no?

00:36:32.040 Here's what I'm resentful about,

00:36:33.360 dude.

00:36:34.400 Girls, 0.91

00:36:34.900 I hit,

00:36:35.620 there were girls 1.00

00:36:36.340 that back in the day,

00:36:37.760 like,

00:36:37.940 I'm talking about 20 years ago,

00:36:39.180 I hit on,

00:36:40.120 like,

00:36:40.520 now,

00:36:40.840 but now they want to link up.

00:36:42.000 Yeah.

00:36:42.740 You know what I mean?

00:36:43.340 Now they want to link up.

00:36:44.920 Now that you're the top dumpling, 0.99

00:36:46.660 they want to fucking get in the sauce, 0.99

00:36:48.280 huh? 0.99

00:36:48.460 Yeah,

00:36:48.740 I'm one of the top,

00:36:49.560 I mean,

00:36:50.080 in terms of dumplings,

00:36:50.880 dude,

00:36:51.140 I'm in the bowl.

00:36:52.300 Yeah,

00:36:52.680 yeah.

00:36:52.900 You know what I mean?

00:36:53.240 I mean,

00:36:53.440 I made it into the bowl,

00:36:54.320 dude.

00:36:54.520 There's like eight dumplings in there.

00:36:56.100 You know what I mean?

00:36:56.180 Now that you're the boss bun,

00:36:58.860 me,

00:36:59.260 they want to get a bite out of you, 0.95

00:37:01.980 huh?

00:37:02.040 Yeah,

00:37:02.180 yeah,

00:37:02.360 yeah.

00:37:02.820 But it's like,

00:37:03.420 now they're like,

00:37:04.100 you know,

00:37:04.340 wanting to,

00:37:04.860 but it's like, 1.00

00:37:05.180 fuck you. 1.00

00:37:05.800 Yeah. 1.00

00:37:06.080 You know what I mean?

00:37:06.480 But it's like,

00:37:07.460 well,

00:37:07.680 I have,

00:37:08.180 yeah,

00:37:08.440 you know what,

00:37:08.880 dude?

00:37:09.480 And what's great about being,

00:37:10.600 how old are you?

00:37:11.480 Me?

00:37:11.740 I'm 43.

00:37:13.440 Great,

00:37:13.840 dude.

00:37:14.580 I'm 52 now,

00:37:15.560 dude.

00:37:15.780 You just turned 52.

00:37:16.600 Yeah.

00:37:17.420 Congratulations.

00:37:18.080 Thanks,

00:37:18.360 man.

00:37:18.680 You brought that bug,

00:37:19.380 we thought it was a bug.

00:37:22.200 That's not from your apartment,

00:37:23.360 is it?

00:37:23.480 That's not one of the things that you have in there,

00:37:24.720 is it?

00:37:25.040 No.

00:37:25.800 Don't leave those in here,

00:37:26.920 man.

00:37:27.440 You just got this new place.

00:37:29.080 I didn't bring that.

00:37:30.160 I'm going to say,

00:37:30.640 you just told me your place got shut down.

00:37:32.940 I didn't bring it.

00:37:33.920 Okay.

00:37:34.780 Well,

00:37:34.940 I don't bring bugs around,

00:37:36.080 bro. 0.99

00:37:36.200 That's fucking cray cray. 1.00

00:37:37.500 One of your stories was that your place is in. 1.00

00:37:39.520 I know,

00:37:41.180 but it's not like they're like,

00:37:42.280 you know,

00:37:42.480 being like,

00:37:42.900 hey,

00:37:43.040 let me hit your ride. 1.00

00:37:44.380 Well,

00:37:44.580 I just,

00:37:45.260 one just flew off of you,

00:37:46.800 dude.

00:37:46.980 That's the only reason I'm asking,

00:37:48.340 man.

00:37:48.600 Yeah.

00:37:48.980 You seem like a great guy.

00:37:50.440 Go on.

00:37:51.460 I just want to let you know at 52 though, 1.00

00:37:53.540 fuck like sex, 1.00

00:37:56.240 dude. 1.00

00:37:57.900 It's just not that important anymore.

00:38:00.860 Yeah.

00:38:01.440 Do you understand what I'm saying?

00:38:02.340 Oh yeah,

00:38:02.660 man.

00:38:03.020 I've like,

00:38:04.040 he used to be number one,

00:38:05.300 dude.

00:38:05.880 But were you ever,

00:38:06.560 were you ever honestly,

00:38:09.320 were you ever,

00:38:09.920 were you ever any good at sex?

00:38:11.340 Honestly,

00:38:11.640 like were you ever,

00:38:12.960 bro,

00:38:13.200 that's so insulting,

00:38:14.320 dude.

00:38:14.560 No,

00:38:14.720 but honestly,

00:38:15.600 I'm great.

00:38:16.680 Okay.

00:38:17.520 Then maybe you are.

00:38:18.540 I'm going to say something,

00:38:19.260 dude.

00:38:19.400 I have two forms.

00:38:21.460 Yeah.

00:38:21.900 Slow form and long form.

00:38:24.720 Okay.

00:38:25.560 Do you understand what I mean by that,

00:38:26.740 man?

00:38:27.900 Let me think.

00:38:28.560 Slow form and long form.

00:38:30.540 Yeah.

00:38:30.700 Yeah.

00:38:31.100 Okay.

00:38:32.340 So sometimes I go short.

00:38:34.760 Oh yeah.

00:38:35.040 I go quick.

00:38:36.160 Oh yeah.

00:38:36.940 So that involves rabbit sewing machine style. 0.75

00:38:40.160 Yeah.

00:38:40.380 Yeah.

00:38:42.840 Yeah.

00:38:43.580 Right.

00:38:44.240 Yeah.

00:38:44.420 And then I do long strokes.

00:38:46.640 Oh,

00:38:47.160 long strokes.

00:38:48.040 You know what I mean?

00:38:49.900 Oh yeah.

00:38:50.740 And that I could do an hour of that.

00:38:52.620 Yeah.

00:38:52.980 It's like a manatee swimming.

00:38:54.800 Ooh,

00:38:55.420 like a small manatee.

00:38:57.080 Yeah.

00:38:58.720 Like a minute.

00:39:01.260 Yeah.

00:39:01.720 Whatever.

00:39:02.540 Yeah.

00:39:02.900 Whatever,

00:39:03.580 dude.

00:39:03.860 Bro,

00:39:04.040 who wants a big,

00:39:05.060 huge wiener? 1.00

00:39:05.860 That's all cumbersome.

00:39:07.220 Yeah.

00:39:07.400 Yeah.

00:39:07.620 Yeah.

00:39:08.160 Yeah.

00:39:08.380 Yeah.

00:39:08.500 You know,

00:39:08.800 have a buddy hold it while you tie your shoes.

00:39:11.520 Yeah.

00:39:12.120 I don't want all.

00:39:12.880 Like,

00:39:13.000 I don't like checking in my bags at the airport,

00:39:15.280 dude.

00:39:15.400 I bring it on,

00:39:16.480 you know what I mean?

00:39:16.720 That's what I do.

00:39:17.760 But so I have those forms and then it's like,

00:39:20.080 um,

00:39:20.680 but that's back in the day.

00:39:21.740 Do you enjoy it though?

00:39:22.820 Do you enjoy sex as much as you used to,

00:39:24.600 you think? 0.80

00:39:27.820 No,

00:39:28.140 but I could take,

00:39:28.780 I can go without it.

00:39:30.260 Yeah.

00:39:30.900 You know,

00:39:31.260 like when I was in my twenties,

00:39:32.780 I would like stay up all night hitting on a girl. 1.00

00:39:35.860 Like, 0.98

00:39:36.020 you know,

00:39:36.200 you see a girl at a bar.

00:39:37.400 What do you mean hitting on a girl? 0.98

00:39:38.260 You mean masturbating at home or what do you really mean? 0.99

00:39:40.440 Cause I was be, 0.98

00:39:41.080 I'd be at the house.

00:39:42.340 Yeah.

00:39:42.540 No,

00:39:42.760 I mean,

00:39:43.200 when,

00:39:43.460 you know,

00:39:43.640 like if you were out,

00:39:44.640 like when in your early days of standup,

00:39:46.400 right?

00:39:46.940 Oh yeah.

00:39:47.360 In the early days,

00:39:48.260 you met a girl on the road and you,

00:39:50.400 they were like on the fence.

00:39:51.800 I would like stay,

00:39:52.980 hang out with them till four in the morning.

00:39:55.120 But now it's like,

00:39:56.140 I would never do that.

00:39:57.380 Yeah.

00:39:57.660 Like if I was like,

00:39:59.040 if a girl walked in right now and this is the truth,

00:40:02.060 she goes,

00:40:02.800 Hey,

00:40:03.640 so next door,

00:40:04.540 I'm at a hotel.

00:40:05.720 When you come over and I'll, 1.00

00:40:07.700 let's fuck. 1.00

00:40:08.680 And I'd be like, 1.00

00:40:09.500 how far is it?

00:40:10.480 Yeah.

00:40:10.920 Next door.

00:40:11.580 I go,

00:40:12.100 I would go,

00:40:13.500 let's do it right here.

00:40:14.500 Wow.

00:40:15.580 Maybe right here.

00:40:16.140 Like in front of you.

00:40:16.860 Like,

00:40:17.100 let's save the money.

00:40:17.680 I'm not moving for it.

00:40:18.560 Right.

00:40:19.340 Would you move for it?

00:40:20.800 Uh,

00:40:21.120 let me think to next door.

00:40:22.820 Yeah.

00:40:22.940 I'd probably pop over there.

00:40:25.120 All right.

00:40:25.880 Maybe that was a extreme example.

00:40:28.060 Right.

00:40:28.200 But I think you're saying like,

00:40:28.960 like,

00:40:29.140 uh,

00:40:29.740 Encino.

00:40:30.440 You're not going far out of your,

00:40:31.400 yeah.

00:40:31.600 I'm not going to go to Encino.

00:40:32.380 You're not going to,

00:40:33.200 yeah.

00:40:33.560 You're not going to get out a map or something.

00:40:35.140 Yeah.

00:40:35.520 And then it's like,

00:40:36.180 also,

00:40:36.660 I've never said this out loud before,

00:40:38.920 but say it,

00:40:39.640 man.

00:40:41.560 I can't look at me,

00:40:42.800 man.

00:40:43.860 I can't,

00:40:44.540 I can't come.

00:40:47.420 Really?

00:40:48.460 It takes a long time.

00:40:50.200 Wow.

00:40:52.340 Yeah.

00:40:52.780 I'm doing my brother again.

00:40:55.440 Bob's doing pretty good.

00:40:56.900 Bob's doing pretty good,

00:40:57.860 man.

00:40:58.420 Yeah.

00:40:58.620 He can't come.

00:41:00.480 Yeah.

00:41:00.940 Yeah.

00:41:01.560 So I,

00:41:02.080 you know,

00:41:02.580 but that's fine.

00:41:03.340 Do you come easy?

00:41:04.800 Me?

00:41:05.280 Yeah.

00:41:05.520 Well,

00:41:05.640 that's one of my problems with sex over the years has been the,

00:41:08.220 um, 0.63

00:41:08.660 immediate ejaculation. 0.90

00:41:10.160 You know,

00:41:10.620 it's almost like somebody not,

00:41:11.920 like it,

00:41:12.120 say somebody knocked on your door.

00:41:13.920 Let me see.

00:41:14.740 Okay.

00:41:15.140 Okay.

00:41:15.880 No,

00:41:16.300 I,

00:41:16.540 all right.

00:41:16.820 I knock on the door.

00:41:17.760 Yeah.

00:41:18.100 You open it and I throw a bucket of water. 1.00

00:41:20.460 Oh shit. 0.99

00:41:21.220 That's like, 1.00

00:41:21.740 yeah,

00:41:21.940 that's,

00:41:22.360 whoa,

00:41:23.000 whoa.

00:41:23.420 That's crazy.

00:41:24.940 That's too fast.

00:41:25.720 That's too fast.

00:41:26.560 It's really,

00:41:27.360 you want to be able to know like the person and see what they want.

00:41:31.100 But you're saying I opened the door.

00:41:32.720 It's like this.

00:41:33.260 If you even open the little people thing,

00:41:34.960 I'm watering the plants.

00:41:36.200 Oh,

00:41:36.400 I see.

00:41:36.680 I see.

00:41:36.940 That's fine.

00:41:37.560 Yeah.

00:41:37.760 It's just,

00:41:38.260 yeah.

00:41:38.900 What do you think that is?

00:41:39.800 I just,

00:41:40.180 a lot of nerve,

00:41:40.940 just like a lot of like,

00:41:42.320 I think I just,

00:41:43.360 what I had a lot of nervous energy around women.

00:41:46.720 I was always so scared of women, 1.00

00:41:48.180 you know?

00:41:48.780 You know,

00:41:49.240 dude,

00:41:49.420 it's so funny.

00:41:50.660 I've always been scared of cops and women. 1.00

00:41:53.220 Yeah.

00:41:54.200 And it's like,

00:41:54.780 you do back in the day before I did stand up,

00:41:57.260 I couldn't even lock eyes with women. 1.00

00:41:59.620 Dude,

00:42:00.020 same.

00:42:00.480 Like if,

00:42:00.900 let's say you're a woman and I met you.

00:42:03.220 Yeah.

00:42:03.480 I'd be like,

00:42:03.800 Hey,

00:42:03.980 how's it going?

00:42:04.660 Yeah.

00:42:05.640 Oh,

00:42:05.980 I would even make love and be looking over there.

00:42:10.040 What?

00:42:10.400 Wait,

00:42:10.600 like a spot,

00:42:12.560 a specific spot.

00:42:13.480 Just like in the,

00:42:14.400 you know,

00:42:14.600 I just,

00:42:14.920 it's like to be,

00:42:15.860 it's so hard to connect to what I'm doing.

00:42:17.820 Right.

00:42:18.300 If it's,

00:42:18.700 if it's involved.

00:42:19.120 So like I'm making love and this is her head.

00:42:21.360 Yeah.

00:42:21.700 You're looking over here.

00:42:22.460 Yeah.

00:42:22.820 I see.

00:42:23.520 I think,

00:42:24.100 yeah,

00:42:24.220 it would just be like,

00:42:25.080 I don't know.

00:42:25.700 I don't know.

00:42:26.260 It always made me so nervous.

00:42:27.540 Like even getting in a conversation with a woman, 0.97

00:42:30.100 I can feel my skin crawl off of my body and into my butt. 0.98

00:42:34.020 It felt like, 0.55

00:42:34.720 like I would be so nervous.

00:42:37.460 So nervous.

00:42:37.920 Yeah.

00:42:38.200 I just could not even.

00:42:39.220 But you'd be grateful too.

00:42:40.240 Oh,

00:42:40.420 there's some gratitude in there.

00:42:41.920 Oh,

00:42:42.280 like,

00:42:42.560 thank you God.

00:42:43.200 But I would ruin it.

00:42:44.360 I remember one time this girl gave me her number and I didn't know what to do.

00:42:47.380 And so I ran and tried to jump over this fence and cut my body open on the barbed wire.

00:42:53.160 What do you mean?

00:42:53.940 At a party.

00:42:54.600 Really?

00:42:55.220 Yeah.

00:42:55.420 She was cute. 0.89

00:42:56.240 And,

00:42:56.340 and you,

00:42:57.740 you started hurtling toward a fence.

00:42:59.960 She like,

00:43:00.580 I,

00:43:01.020 I,

00:43:01.260 I,

00:43:01.580 I got her number and she gave it to me.

00:43:04.540 Right.

00:43:04.760 I don't know if she was out of her mind or something or she'd been hit by lightning or something,

00:43:08.500 but she gave me all seven digits of her number.

00:43:11.060 Wow.

00:43:11.420 Wow.

00:43:11.600 Wow.

00:43:12.020 So I'm,

00:43:12.680 and I didn't know what to do,

00:43:14.820 bro.

00:43:14.980 I couldn't believe it.

00:43:16.200 Yeah.

00:43:16.420 Yeah.

00:43:16.580 And I literally turned this way.

00:43:18.540 Yeah.

00:43:18.920 And beeline.

00:43:19.900 We're at this,

00:43:20.420 in a,

00:43:20.920 in a,

00:43:21.000 uh,

00:43:21.240 at a party in someone's yard,

00:43:22.460 they had a chain link fence and I was like,

00:43:24.580 I can do this.

00:43:25.640 I think part of me is like,

00:43:26.580 I'm going to impress this girl.

00:43:27.800 Oh,

00:43:27.980 I see.

00:43:28.480 And I just tried to jump over it and I got my stomach hung up on it and got my hand hung

00:43:32.640 up on it and had to go get a bunch of stitches.

00:43:34.940 It's sweet.

00:43:35.540 That's,

00:43:35.820 I mean,

00:43:36.020 cause when I played that scenario in my head,

00:43:37.780 it's like the,

00:43:38.460 it's like,

00:43:39.360 yo,

00:43:39.560 can I get your number?

00:43:40.400 Sure.

00:43:40.700 Here it is.

00:43:41.640 Thanks.

00:43:42.680 Yeah. 0.51

00:43:43.620 It's so fucking weird. 0.70

00:43:45.040 It was so weird. 0.97

00:43:45.420 You just,

00:43:45.840 and she's like, 1.00

00:43:46.400 what the fuck is he doing? 1.00

00:43:48.300 Right. 1.00

00:43:48.960 That's your style.

00:43:49.840 That was what you did.

00:43:50.600 I just couldn't handle it.

00:43:52.700 Yeah.

00:43:53.020 I get what you're saying.

00:43:53.580 And I was always afraid to approach.

00:43:55.120 I think you just had a lot,

00:43:56.180 just a lot of nervous energy around women. 0.94

00:43:58.140 So then I think even in my twenties,

00:43:59.940 I would be like,

00:44:00.860 instead of going on dates, 1.00

00:44:02.900 I would do masturbation, 0.99

00:44:04.700 you know? 0.99

00:44:05.520 And because I would,

00:44:06.920 even sometimes I would plan a date,

00:44:08.100 but then I would look at pornography, 0.99

00:44:09.400 do masturbation and then cancel the date. 0.99

00:44:11.680 It's funny. 0.99

00:44:12.720 I get what you're saying.

00:44:14.200 Cause sometimes when I'm like,

00:44:16.000 I'm going to meet,

00:44:17.060 you know,

00:44:17.380 Cynthia,

00:44:18.000 but I don't want to go.

00:44:19.580 Like I met this girl,

00:44:20.460 Cynthia and I'm going to meet her at a bar.

00:44:22.220 She wants to go to this bar. 0.98

00:44:23.660 When I jerk off, 0.98

00:44:25.080 then I call Cynthia and go, 0.86

00:44:26.140 yeah,

00:44:26.420 I'm tired.

00:44:27.180 Yeah.

00:44:27.680 It's like,

00:44:28.080 I like that.

00:44:29.240 I like that style.

00:44:30.160 I'm tired.

00:44:30.600 I have to help my friend move.

00:44:31.640 She's like,

00:44:31.940 it's eight o'clock on a Tuesday night.

00:44:33.880 Yeah.

00:44:34.480 Let me ask you something.

00:44:35.040 When you're making love to a girl 0.88

00:44:36.100 and you're like doing your,

00:44:37.420 you're looking around like you do

00:44:38.700 and you looked out the window

00:44:40.420 and you saw her in the window,

00:44:42.420 what would you do?

00:44:43.680 If I saw her in the window?

00:44:44.760 Yeah.

00:44:45.920 You're real scared.

00:44:47.000 How scared would you be?

00:44:48.780 Well,

00:44:48.920 she was like,

00:44:49.360 like this,

00:44:49.900 like her face is right.

00:44:52.020 And then you look down

00:44:53.060 and there's nothing there.

00:44:55.640 Oh,

00:44:56.100 that would be so crazy.

00:44:57.800 That'd be cool.

00:44:58.560 But you wouldn't,

00:44:59.040 you'd want to see her again

00:44:59.800 because she's a magician. 0.96

00:45:00.620 Yeah.

00:45:01.640 She's got talent.

00:45:04.040 Right.

00:45:04.360 If that was on America's Got Talent.

00:45:06.160 Dude,

00:45:06.580 dude,

00:45:08.280 golden buzzer.

00:45:09.200 Yeah.

00:45:10.680 Dude,

00:45:11.080 if that was on America, 1.00

00:45:11.960 that would be golden buzzer shit. 0.99

00:45:13.700 How amazing is that? 0.99

00:45:14.980 Dude, 0.99

00:45:15.200 we need more golden buzzer shit 0.99

00:45:16.560 out in the world. 1.00

00:45:17.240 There's not enough golden buzzer shit, 1.00

00:45:18.500 man. 1.00

00:45:19.980 Explain to your fans

00:45:20.780 what golden buzzer is.

00:45:22.040 Golden buzzer is,

00:45:23.080 well,

00:45:23.520 also a golden buzzer is a term,

00:45:24.740 I think,

00:45:24.940 in the gay community

00:45:25.760 where someone's never

00:45:27.440 made love to a woman.

00:45:30.900 You know what I'm talking about?

00:45:31.940 Or golden wizard.

00:45:35.500 What is it called?

00:45:36.820 A horned wizard or whatever.

00:45:38.560 It's a,

00:45:39.480 I don't know.

00:45:41.140 I've never heard anything

00:45:41.800 like that before,

00:45:42.400 man. 0.99

00:45:43.500 Gold star gay. 0.99

00:45:44.720 Sorry. 0.98

00:45:45.460 And I think,

00:45:45.980 yeah,

00:45:46.120 and you also get free chili,

00:45:47.380 I think,

00:45:47.680 over there at,

00:45:48.680 No,

00:45:48.900 what I was saying is

00:45:49.580 I like podding with you

00:45:51.160 because when I pod with you,

00:45:53.680 it's like every time 0.97

00:45:56.300 there's some cool weird shit, 0.97

00:45:58.460 but I was thinking to myself, 0.96

00:45:59.880 are you like that

00:46:00.580 with other guests?

00:46:01.460 You know what I mean?

00:46:01.980 Because I like it.

00:46:03.020 Oh,

00:46:03.220 really?

00:46:03.500 Yeah,

00:46:03.680 yeah,

00:46:03.780 yeah.

00:46:04.140 Yeah,

00:46:04.340 I think,

00:46:04.700 I don't know.

00:46:05.300 I mean,

00:46:05.720 that's the weird thing

00:46:06.400 about podcasting is,

00:46:07.480 is that you don't really know

00:46:08.580 how it's going to go.

00:46:09.620 You can kind of have

00:46:10.560 a little bit of a plan sometimes,

00:46:12.240 but I don't think you can really

00:46:13.960 know how it's going to be.

00:46:15.080 You don't know how you're

00:46:15.620 going to be feeling.

00:46:16.220 You don't know how the other

00:46:16.740 person is going to be feeling.

00:46:17.860 You don't know what's really

00:46:18.860 going to go on.

00:46:19.920 You don't know if people

00:46:20.820 are going to tell you

00:46:21.500 sometimes about what's

00:46:22.160 really happening with them

00:46:23.060 or just want to talk about

00:46:24.640 just,

00:46:25.260 you know,

00:46:25.540 the weather kind of.

00:46:26.780 Yeah,

00:46:26.900 because I had

00:46:27.380 Bobby,

00:46:29.760 Robert Kennedy Jr.

00:46:31.380 Yeah,

00:46:31.640 I saw that.

00:46:32.100 And that was hard.

00:46:33.040 I saw that.

00:46:33.720 Because there was-

00:46:34.220 He looked so scared

00:46:34.820 in the beginning.

00:46:35.540 Me?

00:46:35.940 He did.

00:46:36.780 Yeah,

00:46:36.980 he was frightened.

00:46:38.040 Yeah.

00:46:38.320 Yeah,

00:46:38.560 but then once he was frightened,

00:46:40.500 you know what I mean,

00:46:40.820 then I got kind of scared

00:46:41.660 because I was like,

00:46:42.180 oh,

00:46:42.360 I don't think I know

00:46:42.960 what I'm doing,

00:46:43.540 you know what I mean?

00:46:43.840 But sometimes you're

00:46:44.780 pawning with people

00:46:45.340 and you go,

00:46:45.880 I don't think I know

00:46:46.780 how to do it.

00:46:47.700 Oh,

00:46:47.880 yeah.

00:46:48.320 Yeah,

00:46:48.560 yeah.

00:46:48.820 It's so weird.

00:46:49.740 Well,

00:46:49.900 yeah,

00:46:50.040 I think you just don't know.

00:46:51.760 I mean,

00:46:52.000 I think for one,

00:46:52.780 you have to,

00:46:53.260 you don't know why people listen

00:46:54.520 and you don't-

00:46:55.620 Okay,

00:46:56.040 that's okay.

00:46:56.600 Let me say something.

00:46:57.580 I'm glad you said that.

00:46:59.060 I literally don't know

00:47:00.480 why they listen.

00:47:02.140 Sometimes.

00:47:03.280 You know,

00:47:03.440 people go,

00:47:03.880 you changed my life

00:47:04.980 or,

00:47:05.780 you know what I mean?

00:47:06.180 I'm connected.

00:47:06.900 I go,

00:47:07.160 I talk about farts.

00:47:08.520 Yeah.

00:47:09.000 You know what I mean?

00:47:09.500 Like,

00:47:09.720 how did I,

00:47:10.220 you know?

00:47:10.860 So that's the first thing.

00:47:11.920 And second thing is,

00:47:13.300 it's like we do it so much.

00:47:15.220 I mean,

00:47:15.480 I pause so much.

00:47:16.720 There are times where it's like,

00:47:18.000 what else can I say?

00:47:20.040 Yeah.

00:47:20.780 But we keep doing it.

00:47:22.560 But today,

00:47:23.520 we talked about things

00:47:24.480 I've never talked about.

00:47:25.400 It's miraculous.

00:47:26.780 Really?

00:47:27.320 Oh yeah.

00:47:28.040 I've learned things.

00:47:28.920 I don't know what gold star reviews are.

00:47:30.620 I don't know,

00:47:31.260 you know,

00:47:31.600 there's just a lot of things,

00:47:32.800 things about you staring out

00:47:34.320 from the distance

00:47:34.820 when you're making love.

00:47:35.580 That's a new piece of information.

00:47:37.380 Oh good.

00:47:37.740 So I'm learning a lot

00:47:38.720 from you,

00:47:39.360 you know what I mean?

00:47:39.680 But what I'm saying is,

00:47:40.600 is that it's such a strange job.

00:47:45.900 Yeah.

00:47:46.340 Because sometimes it's hard,

00:47:47.880 man.

00:47:48.540 You know?

00:47:48.780 Well,

00:47:49.400 I think it's hard.

00:47:50.160 Yeah,

00:47:50.340 I think there's times

00:47:51.200 where it's like,

00:47:52.300 I don't know what the,

00:47:54.460 like,

00:47:55.100 there's times where it's tough

00:47:56.500 to drop into a conversation sometimes.

00:47:58.500 Yeah.

00:47:59.020 Yeah.

00:47:59.160 Sometimes they start

00:47:59.760 and go a crazy way

00:48:00.660 and you don't know

00:48:01.060 what's going on.

00:48:02.080 Yeah,

00:48:02.300 yeah. 0.97

00:48:02.420 Let me see what these gold star gays are. 1.00

00:48:04.600 I want to be, 0.95

00:48:05.040 I want to be for sure on this.

00:48:07.260 In LGBT slang,

00:48:09.840 oh,

00:48:10.060 they got rid of Q? 0.99

00:48:12.160 LGBT.

00:48:13.100 What was the Q?

00:48:13.540 Wow.

00:48:13.980 What was the Q?

00:48:14.440 Q was for queer in, 1.00

00:48:15.500 I think.

00:48:15.940 Oh.

00:48:16.800 They got rid of it.

00:48:17.720 Wow.

00:48:18.100 Wow.

00:48:18.500 In LGBT slang, 0.97

00:48:20.820 You think the queers are mad? 1.00

00:48:22.040 A gold star lesbian. 1.00

00:48:24.360 Yeah, 1.00

00:48:24.660 they're mad.

00:48:25.040 Have you ever met them?

00:48:25.740 Yeah,

00:48:26.140 they get pissed.

00:48:28.200 So I'm sure they're not

00:48:29.020 geeked up about this.

00:48:31.180 In LG,

00:48:31.820 in their slang, 0.90

00:48:33.900 a gold star lesbian 0.92

00:48:35.140 is a lesbian 1.00

00:48:35.780 who's never had sex 0.93

00:48:36.720 with a man. 0.62

00:48:37.740 Whoa. 0.99

00:48:38.340 And a gold star gay 1.00

00:48:39.460 is a gay man 1.00

00:48:40.640 who has never had sex 0.95

00:48:41.680 with a woman. 0.83

00:48:42.440 Wow.

00:48:43.280 So I'm a gold star heterosexual.

00:48:45.780 No,

00:48:46.120 I've,

00:48:46.400 I've, 0.85

00:48:47.500 Have you ever had sex 0.95

00:48:48.040 with a man? 0.98

00:48:48.880 Well,

00:48:49.100 what's sex? 0.98

00:48:50.380 Sex, 0.98

00:48:50.820 I think, 0.80

00:48:51.120 is putting your body

00:48:52.020 inside of their body.

00:48:52.880 Never did not.

00:48:53.740 Okay.

00:48:54.160 I've tasted some things.

00:48:55.740 Have you really?

00:48:57.700 You had a little bit

00:48:58.280 of that,

00:48:59.340 that front soy,

00:49:02.120 huh?

00:49:02.720 A little bit.

00:49:03.680 You ever,

00:49:04.220 you ever had the soy?

00:49:05.900 Yeah,

00:49:06.120 a teaspoon of some fellas

00:49:07.180 show you,

00:49:08.000 huh?

00:49:08.180 Yeah,

00:49:08.420 you never had front soy?

00:49:09.560 No,

00:49:10.180 no,

00:49:10.500 boy,

00:49:10.720 you had a little bit

00:49:11.240 off of a fella.

00:49:13.680 Where were y'all?

00:49:15.820 At a rave.

00:49:17.480 Wow.

00:49:18.180 Yeah,

00:49:18.480 back in the day,

00:49:19.480 you know,

00:49:19.660 instead of glow sticks,

00:49:20.480 we,

00:49:20.680 you know,

00:49:21.700 there are other things

00:49:22.200 going on.

00:49:23.040 No,

00:49:23.200 you've,

00:49:23.400 honestly,

00:49:23.820 you've never had

00:49:24.420 a gay experience.

00:49:25.740 I've never had

00:49:26.260 a gay experience,

00:49:26.900 man.

00:49:27.380 How close have you gotten?

00:49:28.480 This is,

00:49:28.920 I'll tell you how close.

00:49:29.620 I was on a porch one time

00:49:31.100 and this girl

00:49:33.220 told my buddy,

00:49:35.040 she told him,

00:49:35.800 she said,

00:49:36.200 hey,

00:49:36.340 if you kiss my friend, 0.97

00:49:38.120 and she had a gay friend 0.87

00:49:39.100 there with her,

00:49:39.580 a gay male,

00:49:40.700 she goes, 0.96

00:49:40.960 if you kiss my friend, 0.98

00:49:41.960 then I'll hook up with you. 0.60

00:49:43.660 And the dude,

00:49:44.460 my buddy was like,

00:49:45.260 all right.

00:49:45.940 So he kissed the dude 0.91

00:49:47.000 and then the girl

00:49:47.520 didn't hook up with him.

00:49:48.880 Oh,

00:49:49.140 so,

00:49:49.420 oh,

00:49:49.700 no,

00:49:50.260 she didn't?

00:49:50.940 No.

00:49:51.340 How mad were you?

00:49:52.560 I,

00:49:52.900 I just,

00:49:53.360 I was like,

00:49:53.960 man,

00:49:54.280 I feel bad for that guy,

00:49:55.660 you know,

00:49:55.980 kind of,

00:49:56.380 but also I think 0.89

00:49:57.080 that guy's a little bit gay, 0.98

00:49:58.620 you know? 0.81

00:49:59.300 So I think it was like

00:50:00.240 a mixed bag.

00:50:00.960 Yeah,

00:50:01.140 yeah,

00:50:01.280 yeah.

00:50:01.660 That's the closest

00:50:02.360 you've gotten.

00:50:03.020 Yep,

00:50:03.300 closest I've gotten.

00:50:03.920 Let me think if I've ever

00:50:04.840 seen anything else

00:50:05.580 that seemed,

00:50:06.280 uh,

00:50:08.420 there was a gay dude,

00:50:10.000 I think,

00:50:10.380 or seemed pretty gay,

00:50:11.320 who passed out on our

00:50:12.220 front porch one time

00:50:13.320 when I lived in Charleston,

00:50:14.860 but we didn't,

00:50:16.180 we just saw him there.

00:50:17.140 We didn't do anything to him.

00:50:19.460 That's just,

00:50:19.980 that's just a guy

00:50:21.200 who passed me out.

00:50:22.420 But still,

00:50:23.080 you're asking how close

00:50:24.120 have I ever gotten?

00:50:24.680 I mean,

00:50:24.940 if that's the closest

00:50:25.580 you've got,

00:50:25.980 you've,

00:50:26.300 then you're not close at all.

00:50:27.340 Oh,

00:50:27.500 a fella came on my arm 1.00

00:50:28.540 one time at the movie theater

00:50:29.480 when I was young.

00:50:29.880 that's pretty close.

00:50:30.780 Okay.

00:50:31.240 Did you know him?

00:50:32.300 I did know him.

00:50:33.020 He passed away too.

00:50:35.660 Uh,

00:50:36.220 really?

00:50:37.480 Yeah,

00:50:37.640 he passed away.

00:50:38.460 Oh,

00:50:38.820 that's my bad.

00:50:39.580 I mean,

00:50:40.220 I'm sorry,

00:50:41.080 I mean,

00:50:41.360 it wasn't your fault.

00:50:42.020 Unless you were on the road,

00:50:43.300 dude,

00:50:43.480 you guys,

00:50:44.020 you guys have a penchant

00:50:45.540 for causing accidents.

00:50:46.200 Yeah,

00:50:46.400 I've actually like, 1.00

00:50:47.760 kissed a penis, 0.99

00:50:48.940 like intentionally. 1.00

00:50:50.460 Wow.

00:50:51.000 Yeah,

00:50:51.460 because I didn't,

00:50:52.420 you know,

00:50:52.760 what flavor is it?

00:50:53.820 First of all,

00:50:54.220 you don't,

00:50:54.560 like, 0.92

00:50:54.740 I know what vag tastes like. 0.97

00:50:56.220 Yeah. 0.98

00:50:56.640 Right?

00:50:57.420 To me,

00:50:57.720 let's say the quality

00:50:58.760 of what they taste like

00:50:59.620 has kind of dropped off a little.

00:51:01.460 It has,

00:51:02.120 it has.

00:51:02.940 Yeah,

00:51:03.100 yeah,

00:51:03.260 yeah,

00:51:03.400 yeah,

00:51:03.540 for sure.

00:51:04.020 Yeah,

00:51:04.260 a lot of these women, 1.00

00:51:05.260 it's like,

00:51:05.780 yeah,

00:51:06.120 you know,

00:51:06.480 clean out your purse.

00:51:07.660 Yeah,

00:51:07.800 it's past the expiration date too.

00:51:12.020 Yeah,

00:51:12.320 if you have a handbag,

00:51:13.520 make sure that,

00:51:14.120 you know,

00:51:14.820 like,

00:51:15.180 it's not just like a bunch of.

00:51:17.180 But it's a different flavor vag 0.99

00:51:18.840 than dick. 1.00

00:51:20.860 So for me, 1.00

00:51:21.380 it's like,

00:51:21.860 I want to see what the flavor,

00:51:23.540 and guess what?

00:51:24.260 What?

00:51:24.800 Don't like it.

00:51:26.260 Don't like the flavor,

00:51:27.400 dude.

00:51:27.940 But how are you going to know

00:51:28.980 if you don't have it,

00:51:29.600 never had it?

00:51:30.320 You guys will eat anything though,

00:51:31.860 dude.

00:51:32.240 Asians? 0.76

00:51:32.960 I'm just saying.

00:51:34.860 Yeah,

00:51:35.300 yeah,

00:51:35.620 yeah,

00:51:35.840 yeah,

00:51:35.960 yeah.

00:51:36.600 I mean,

00:51:36.880 you've seen.

00:51:37.460 I've seen some mukbangs 1.00

00:51:38.900 that are pretty intense.

00:51:40.760 I mean,

00:51:40.940 because I've been to a China,

00:51:41.840 like Chinese market before.

00:51:43.620 Oh,

00:51:43.900 yeah. 1.00

00:51:44.060 And you look at some of the shit 1.00

00:51:45.120 that like butterfly wing. 1.00

00:51:46.720 What the fuck? 1.00

00:51:47.700 You eat that? 1.00

00:51:48.400 Right.

00:51:48.940 Or it says like a shoulder

00:51:50.280 of a meerkat.

00:51:51.220 Yeah.

00:51:51.620 Like you eat that? 1.00

00:51:52.740 Like they fuck like, 1.00

00:51:53.960 like fucking sloth toenails. 1.00

00:51:55.460 Oh, 1.00

00:51:55.720 dude.

00:51:56.020 They'll mix that in.

00:51:57.000 They'll have a jar of human freckles 0.87

00:51:58.420 there you can eat.

00:51:59.880 That you can,

00:52:00.780 you can sprinkle,

00:52:01.860 you know?

00:52:04.200 You want the,

00:52:05.180 you want my freckle?

00:52:05.860 Why,

00:52:07.840 why are,

00:52:08.780 why are Asian people 1.00

00:52:10.360 capable of eating anything?

00:52:11.740 Why is that?

00:52:14.860 Okay,

00:52:15.420 I'll try to explain it to you.

00:52:16.740 Because it's really true,

00:52:17.520 man.

00:52:17.980 It was not that,

00:52:18.720 it's not true,

00:52:19.240 because let me say something.

00:52:20.580 I want to make the opposite argument,

00:52:22.300 right?

00:52:22.500 Okay.

00:52:23.020 Like,

00:52:23.380 I don't know if,

00:52:24.000 I think Chinese people is like, 1.00

00:52:25.400 white people,

00:52:26.140 they eat sometimes squirrel.

00:52:28.100 Right.

00:52:28.580 Right?

00:52:28.860 Like,

00:52:29.140 you know, 0.99

00:52:29.360 maybe they don't fuck with squirrel, 0.98

00:52:30.740 but squirrels are weird. 0.98

00:52:32.080 Like,

00:52:32.420 but you've eaten squirrel.

00:52:33.420 Yeah.

00:52:33.780 I've had squirrels.

00:52:34.320 Asian will eat squirrel. 1.00

00:52:35.620 You think so?

00:52:36.220 I don't know,

00:52:36.700 maybe.

00:52:37.020 Yeah,

00:52:37.460 dude.

00:52:39.220 You're right,

00:52:39.740 you're right.

00:52:40.200 I think you're right.

00:52:41.600 You're right,

00:52:41.980 but I'm just saying that,

00:52:43.100 there are groups of people

00:52:44.220 that eat things that we're like,

00:52:45.960 oh,

00:52:46.100 that's weird.

00:52:47.080 But it's a cultural thing.

00:52:48.360 I think,

00:52:48.760 I think they have,

00:52:49.740 I think their theory is that,

00:52:50.960 if they move,

00:52:51.840 we eat.

00:52:52.600 Oh.

00:52:53.160 Right?

00:52:53.660 Because it's protein.

00:52:55.080 Yeah.

00:52:55.540 Right?

00:52:55.820 So if you eat like,

00:52:56.780 the shoulder of a meerkat,

00:52:58.100 you're getting protein,

00:52:59.440 right?

00:52:59.640 It's about survival.

00:53:00.500 It's about survival.

00:53:01.460 Yeah.

00:53:01.620 And then it's also,

00:53:02.600 it's like,

00:53:03.240 but check this out.

00:53:04.320 Check this out.

00:53:05.420 They don't eat certain things.

00:53:06.580 Like,

00:53:06.900 you can't go to a Chinese market

00:53:08.280 and get panda.

00:53:09.680 Oh,

00:53:09.960 wow.

00:53:10.700 Think about it.

00:53:11.840 Or a koala.

00:53:13.820 Well,

00:53:14.040 it's also. 1.00

00:53:14.480 They won't eat cute shit. 1.00

00:53:16.700 But meerkats are cute. 1.00

00:53:18.540 Meerkats are pretty cute.

00:53:19.340 Pretty cute,

00:53:19.600 yeah.

00:53:20.400 But I don't know,

00:53:20.980 man.

00:53:21.480 I think,

00:53:21.740 I think it's because of survival.

00:53:23.300 I think it's a regional thing.

00:53:24.720 Like,

00:53:24.860 all we can get is

00:53:25.580 butter pie wing here.

00:53:26.500 Yeah.

00:53:26.880 Butter pie wing.

00:53:27.540 Yeah,

00:53:27.760 butter pie wing here,

00:53:28.440 or whatever.

00:53:29.180 Butter pie wing.

00:53:30.200 Yeah,

00:53:30.500 but you know what,

00:53:31.060 dude?

00:53:31.680 Hey,

00:53:32.000 butter pie wing.

00:53:33.520 That's so cool.

00:53:34.720 Yeah.

00:53:35.380 Butter pie wing.

00:53:36.060 I would be,

00:53:36.460 you think I could be Asian or not?

00:53:39.320 Dude,

00:53:39.800 I'm telling you right now.

00:53:40.980 I did.

00:53:41.660 If they had,

00:53:42.900 if they had a surgery.

00:53:45.160 Yeah.

00:53:45.960 You know what I mean?

00:53:47.480 They wouldn't have to do much.

00:53:49.240 Really?

00:53:50.480 Well,

00:53:50.920 from the waist down,

00:53:51.960 nothing.

00:53:53.020 Yeah.

00:53:53.720 No,

00:53:54.100 I'm kidding.

00:53:54.960 I don't know.

00:53:55.780 No,

00:53:56.160 I think it's good.

00:53:57.340 Really?

00:53:57.640 Remember,

00:53:57.880 dude,

00:53:58.000 I accidentally grabbed your wiener the other night.

00:53:59.260 Remember that?

00:54:00.000 Yeah,

00:54:00.180 why'd you do that?

00:54:01.080 I thought it was an accident.

00:54:02.540 Huh?

00:54:03.160 Was not an accident.

00:54:04.220 Yeah,

00:54:04.440 it was.

00:54:05.300 You gripped it then.

00:54:06.940 I didn't mean to.

00:54:09.160 Yeah,

00:54:09.520 but you did.

00:54:10.080 Huh?

00:54:10.440 I just went like this.

00:54:12.060 I know you went down and you grabbed a little.

00:54:14.500 It was on stage.

00:54:16.180 Yeah.

00:54:16.520 Yeah.

00:54:16.840 Maybe that,

00:54:17.460 you know, 0.92

00:54:17.800 so that's probably the gaydest thing I've ever done. 0.94

00:54:19.780 That was probably the gaydest thing. 1.00

00:54:20.520 Yeah, 0.87

00:54:20.680 yeah,

00:54:20.700 yeah.

00:54:21.200 But,

00:54:21.540 um,

00:54:22.400 I can't believe you met up with some.

00:54:24.140 So if you get face to face with a wiener, 1.00

00:54:25.960 then what do you do?

00:54:26.880 Does it,

00:54:27.160 who makes the first move?

00:54:29.380 That's an interesting question,

00:54:30.520 dude.

00:54:31.520 Um,

00:54:31.880 I stared at it for like a good 45 seconds.

00:54:34.640 There's always a showdown.

00:54:36.300 Yeah.

00:54:36.760 Like,

00:54:36.980 you know,

00:54:37.120 the Western.

00:54:39.060 So I was there.

00:54:40.800 I backed up.

00:54:42.180 Well,

00:54:42.460 I turned around.

00:54:43.080 I did some steps.

00:54:44.960 Right.

00:54:45.660 Then we both turned around.

00:54:46.860 Wow.

00:54:47.280 Right.

00:54:47.600 And we just stared at each other.

00:54:49.540 And you know what I mean? 1.00

00:54:50.460 I had my fucking. 1.00

00:54:51.700 Yeah. 1.00

00:54:52.000 On my mouth.

00:54:52.580 I mean,

00:54:52.800 whatever.

00:54:53.360 Yeah.

00:54:54.140 And then I went.

00:54:56.620 That wiener,

00:54:57.420 baby,

00:54:57.580 that long.

00:54:58.560 So,

00:54:58.680 yeah,

00:54:58.800 dude,

00:54:58.980 I also,

00:54:59.380 I was 14 years old,

00:55:02.420 13 years old.

00:55:03.480 Oh,

00:55:04.000 wow.

00:55:04.580 You know what I mean?

00:55:04.840 So it's like,

00:55:05.880 at that time I was like,

00:55:07.260 maybe.

00:55:08.120 Yeah.

00:55:08.800 And then I did it.

00:55:09.500 I was like,

00:55:09.840 no, 1.00

00:55:10.660 they call it that long pussy. 1.00

00:55:12.300 Some people call it that. 1.00

00:55:14.780 They do?

00:55:15.560 In prison. 0.99

00:55:16.000 In dicks? 1.00

00:55:16.620 Long pussy? 1.00

00:55:17.340 In prison. 1.00

00:55:18.000 Yeah,

00:55:18.120 yeah,

00:55:18.320 yeah.

00:55:18.420 They call it,

00:55:18.820 say,

00:55:19.060 hey,

00:55:19.100 buddy, 1.00

00:55:19.300 you gotta get you a cut of that long pussy. 1.00

00:55:21.880 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:23.200 Hey,

00:55:23.740 come here,

00:55:24.280 boy. 1.00

00:55:24.920 Get you a cut of that long pussy. 1.00

00:55:27.840 Le esta gustando mi podcast. 1.00

00:55:31.320 Are you liking my podcast?

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00:59:39.060 But I feel like you don't do

00:59:40.080 I feel like you don't do 0.99

00:59:41.320 weird shit in bed. 0.98

00:59:43.560 I think you're 1.00

00:59:43.940 let me guess.

00:59:45.200 Your favorite position?

00:59:48.680 Missionary.

00:59:49.840 My favorite position

00:59:50.780 is making love to Civil War music, dude.

00:59:53.140 Okay.

00:59:53.580 So what are you talking about?

00:59:55.200 Really?

00:59:56.100 Yeah, put on some good Civil War hits.

01:00:01.800 Oh, I see.

01:00:08.160 Yeah, dude. 1.00

01:00:09.320 Your dick is like a musket. 1.00

01:00:12.200 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:00:13.240 It goes off

01:00:14.060 and the war's over.

01:00:15.600 We surrender.

01:00:17.480 It's a fast.

01:00:18.620 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:19.440 Yeah, it's a short war.

01:00:20.260 I mean, the Civil War,

01:00:21.160 you'd be north, right?

01:00:22.380 Or you'd be south?

01:00:23.300 Oh, I'd have to ride with the south, man.

01:00:25.640 You know, the Civil War,

01:00:26.760 if they ran it back,

01:00:27.760 who would win now?

01:00:28.700 I don't know.

01:00:29.860 I'll do it.

01:00:31.260 Oh, there it is.

01:00:38.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:41.800 Something kind of nice about it, huh?

01:00:43.140 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:44.620 You want to talk about

01:00:45.280 the movie we did or no?

01:00:46.900 Yeah, we could talk about it, man.

01:00:48.320 What was I thinking about?

01:00:50.860 We did a movie.

01:00:51.920 Yeah, we did a movie.

01:00:52.640 We talked about it

01:00:53.180 a little bit last time.

01:00:53.900 No, we did?

01:00:54.640 Yeah, it's going to come out.

01:00:56.380 Maybe not.

01:00:58.060 We'll see.

01:00:58.600 We'll see.

01:00:59.320 Well, this strike is going on.

01:01:01.200 You see what Drew Barrymore,

01:01:02.180 what she did about her show?

01:01:03.720 What she was going to do,

01:01:04.640 and now she can't.

01:01:05.140 She's going to do it,

01:01:05.640 and then she got bullied

01:01:06.900 into not doing it.

01:01:07.600 I know.

01:01:08.180 That's what's so crazy.

01:01:09.440 I don't think bully

01:01:10.700 is the right word.

01:01:11.640 No.

01:01:12.220 I don't think she should have done it.

01:01:14.340 How insane is that?

01:01:16.320 Oh, my God.

01:01:16.540 I deeply apologize to writers.

01:01:18.200 I deeply apologize to unions.

01:01:21.220 I deeply apologize.

01:01:27.240 I wanted to own a decision

01:01:29.660 so that it wasn't a PR-protected situation,

01:01:34.820 and I would just take full responsibility

01:01:37.860 for my actions.

01:01:41.560 I know there's just

01:01:43.060 nothing I can do

01:01:47.480 that will make this okay

01:01:49.820 for those it is not okay with.

01:01:52.160 this is bigger than me,

01:01:54.440 and there are other people.

01:01:55.260 That's wild, huh?

01:01:55.720 That's wild, yeah.

01:01:56.460 What do you think about it?

01:01:57.480 Because,

01:01:57.900 so the reason that they're striking

01:01:59.480 is because

01:02:00.420 it's like about residuals.

01:02:03.020 It's about the AI

01:02:03.900 where they're using like...

01:02:05.380 There's a lot of issues.

01:02:06.560 Right.

01:02:06.880 There's a lot of issues,

01:02:08.180 and I believe,

01:02:10.200 I mean,

01:02:10.440 I'm supportive,

01:02:11.320 obviously,

01:02:11.860 of the strike.

01:02:12.400 I'm both writers and actors.

01:02:15.000 With her,

01:02:15.840 it's like,

01:02:16.900 just what in her mind

01:02:18.780 did she think

01:02:19.640 that like,

01:02:20.440 even if like,

01:02:21.260 if I was supportive

01:02:22.840 of her decision or not,

01:02:23.900 it's suicide.

01:02:25.940 Like with Bill Maher too,

01:02:26.900 it's like suicide,

01:02:27.900 like just don't work.

01:02:29.160 It's also on top of it,

01:02:30.060 dude,

01:02:30.320 you're a millionaire.

01:02:32.100 You can wait a year.

01:02:33.700 Like,

01:02:33.940 I have no idea 0.99

01:02:34.620 what the fucking 1.00

01:02:35.300 thought process is. 1.00

01:02:36.640 Yeah. 0.99

01:02:36.880 It's fucking crazy, dude. 0.99

01:02:38.760 It's like, 0.99

01:02:39.220 I don't know, dude.

01:02:40.260 So what is the thought process

01:02:41.820 that they just want

01:02:43.180 to still be able to work?

01:02:45.240 But it's not...

01:02:45.580 We all want to work, baby.

01:02:47.300 So then why are they,

01:02:48.500 why would they even

01:02:49.380 be able to work?

01:02:50.480 I think the justification

01:02:51.260 it's like,

01:02:51.980 we're like,

01:02:52.660 cause you know,

01:02:53.040 you can do reality shows

01:02:54.440 right now, right?

01:02:55.140 Those aren't effective.

01:02:55.900 Yeah.

01:02:56.020 Spade just is hosting.

01:02:57.020 Yeah.

01:02:57.200 So Spade is,

01:02:57.780 you can do game shows.

01:02:59.160 So in their minds,

01:02:59.880 they're probably,

01:03:00.240 but the problem with that,

01:03:01.220 those kinds of shows

01:03:02.080 with Bill Maher

01:03:03.160 and her show, 0.63

01:03:03.800 you need writers for bits.

01:03:05.620 Right.

01:03:06.060 They're not improvising it.

01:03:07.400 Right.

01:03:07.940 Right.

01:03:08.280 So it's like,

01:03:08.900 and the writers are on strike.

01:03:10.800 Yeah.

01:03:11.640 So she's saying,

01:03:12.640 I'm going to go back

01:03:13.320 and do it.

01:03:13.680 And we'll just hire

01:03:14.200 my own writers

01:03:14.960 that are not,

01:03:15.820 or I'll improvise it.

01:03:17.180 Wow.

01:03:17.880 And at that point,

01:03:18.620 you kind of just are part,

01:03:19.620 you're,

01:03:19.840 you have a podcast.

01:03:20.180 Like if you and I,

01:03:20.800 if you and I,

01:03:21.540 yeah,

01:03:21.720 exactly.

01:03:22.060 If you and I had our own show

01:03:23.300 on HBO,

01:03:23.760 which we should,

01:03:24.540 but if we had our own show

01:03:25.680 on HBO,

01:03:26.740 you and I would have

01:03:27.580 a discussion like,

01:03:28.880 yeah, 0.99

01:03:28.980 but we just make shit up anyway. 0.55

01:03:30.280 So why can't we do it? 0.94

01:03:31.500 Yeah.

01:03:31.780 So I kind of get that,

01:03:33.080 but it's like,

01:03:33.600 at the end of the day,

01:03:34.660 you and I would have looked at it.

01:03:35.580 He says,

01:03:35.760 yeah,

01:03:35.880 but just,

01:03:36.200 it's not going to look good optically.

01:03:37.720 Yeah.

01:03:38.200 You know what I mean?

01:03:38.620 So it's like,

01:03:39.240 no,

01:03:39.500 I don't,

01:03:39.800 I don't know. 0.99

01:03:40.480 It's just fucked up. 0.95

01:03:41.200 It's a weird thing now. 0.98

01:03:42.800 But also I want to say this.

01:03:45.800 She's feeling the,

01:03:47.780 the,

01:03:47.980 the pressure of people online

01:03:49.820 and,

01:03:50.160 and,

01:03:50.500 and,

01:03:51.080 and that heat.

01:03:52.720 And she's worried

01:03:53.640 that maybe my career is over. 0.99

01:03:54.760 I think that's fucked up too. 0.98

01:03:56.340 Yeah. 0.98

01:03:56.920 You know what I mean?

01:03:57.280 Like,

01:03:57.520 am I canceled?

01:03:58.520 You know what I mean?

01:03:58.760 I mean,

01:03:58.960 I'm not,

01:04:00.660 I don't back that at all.

01:04:02.340 You know what I mean?

01:04:02.600 So it's like,

01:04:03.420 she apologized.

01:04:05.540 Let her apologize. 0.54

01:04:07.240 Cause you know,

01:04:07.740 we have no room in our society

01:04:09.240 for redemption

01:04:09.960 or like,

01:04:11.400 you know,

01:04:11.620 I'm sorry.

01:04:12.640 You know what I mean?

01:04:13.000 So she apologized.

01:04:14.440 So we're like,

01:04:15.240 we're good.

01:04:15.740 Just don't do it again.

01:04:16.820 Yeah.

01:04:17.140 And if Bill Maher apologized,

01:04:18.300 we're good,

01:04:18.800 but that's not what's going to happen.

01:04:20.380 There's going to be people in Hollywood

01:04:22.000 that's going to be, 1.00

01:04:22.460 I'll fuck her forever. 1.00

01:04:25.100 It's fucked up. 1.00

01:04:26.080 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:04:26.460 And Bill Maher too.

01:04:27.280 Well,

01:04:27.340 Bill Maher I think is still going ahead

01:04:28.620 with his show,

01:04:29.160 but his is just online right now.

01:04:31.820 I don't know.

01:04:32.660 Yeah.

01:04:32.800 No,

01:04:32.960 no,

01:04:33.060 no.

01:04:33.240 They're talking about his real time

01:04:34.460 with Bill Maher on HBO

01:04:35.320 that he's bringing back without writers

01:04:37.020 and they're just not doing a monologue.

01:04:38.360 It's just going to be panel.

01:04:39.320 His podcast is on YouTube.

01:04:40.840 Ah,

01:04:41.200 interesting.

01:04:41.760 Yeah.

01:04:42.140 Yeah.

01:04:42.580 Now is that,

01:04:43.480 I mean,

01:04:43.720 what are people's arguments against it?

01:04:48.700 If he was,

01:04:49.340 if he's just interviewing people,

01:04:50.760 well then what's the problem?

01:04:51.740 I don't know.

01:04:52.360 Right.

01:04:53.140 Cause you and I are doing that now.

01:04:54.540 Right.

01:04:55.300 But we're not,

01:04:56.080 that's a good question.

01:04:57.080 Oh,

01:04:57.200 I guess.

01:04:57.460 Cause then maybe it's just still on television.

01:04:59.320 It's like about that platform.

01:05:00.740 I just don't see how this just doesn't ruin

01:05:02.920 or,

01:05:04.380 you know,

01:05:05.220 hinder that whole platform even more.

01:05:07.300 Yeah.

01:05:08.420 This is an interesting question.

01:05:09.700 What if comics went on strike

01:05:11.660 and we couldn't do standup

01:05:13.820 or podcasting?

01:05:16.180 What would we do?

01:05:18.860 You would,

01:05:19.460 would we cross the picket,

01:05:20.840 the line?

01:05:22.120 I think people would cross 1.00

01:05:23.340 in the first week probably.

01:05:25.480 I know.

01:05:25.960 Cause we're,

01:05:26.440 we're scourge.

01:05:30.920 I know.

01:05:31.540 We'd be over there.

01:05:32.560 I know.

01:05:32.960 Because imagine like,

01:05:34.700 oh,

01:05:34.840 so there's,

01:05:35.400 there'll be a lot of comics too

01:05:36.780 and I can name them.

01:05:37.740 Yeah.

01:05:37.980 They'd be like,

01:05:38.460 no,

01:05:38.620 I don't work at any way.

01:05:40.040 Oh, 0.98

01:05:40.440 Theo and Bobby aren't doing the fucking improv 0.99

01:05:42.180 this weekend. 0.99

01:05:43.560 Book me.

01:05:44.260 Yeah.

01:05:44.580 And they would book them.

01:05:45.320 He would do it.

01:05:45.920 That's a good point.

01:05:46.620 Yeah.

01:05:46.800 I mean,

01:05:47.420 there's so many comics that are great comics

01:05:49.980 who right now can't do clubs

01:05:52.560 because now clubs are booking people

01:05:54.900 that can draw. 0.78

01:05:56.060 Yeah.

01:05:56.420 Which is like a business thing.

01:05:58.180 But back in the day,

01:05:59.320 dude,

01:05:59.960 standup used to be this,

01:06:00.940 especially with the improv.

01:06:02.000 We don't care if you can draw.

01:06:03.380 We want quality acts.

01:06:05.140 Is that true?

01:06:05.760 Oh yeah.

01:06:06.540 Back in the day,

01:06:07.200 the improv was like that.

01:06:08.080 Like we know so-and-so doesn't draw,

01:06:09.940 but we think he's talented.

01:06:10.900 So we'd rather have him

01:06:12.220 than the guy that's going to sell out.

01:06:13.940 But now it's, 1.00

01:06:14.360 now it's all corporate shit. 1.00

01:06:15.880 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:16.140 They only book people that can draw. 0.98

01:06:18.140 That's why like YouTubers and shit, 1.00

01:06:20.700 you know what I mean? 0.99

01:06:20.980 They have a fan base.

01:06:21.860 You know,

01:06:22.000 sometimes I'll play a weekend somewhere.

01:06:24.160 Yeah.

01:06:24.400 Or at three o'clock,

01:06:25.060 we have a YouTube show and it's sold out.

01:06:27.360 Yeah.

01:06:27.440 I get that.

01:06:28.100 You know,

01:06:28.320 it's a business,

01:06:29.080 but it's like.

01:06:29.780 Yeah.

01:06:30.120 Three o'clock,

01:06:30.700 foosie's going to come in here

01:06:31.660 and overdose or something.

01:06:32.660 Yeah,

01:06:32.860 yeah,

01:06:33.020 yeah.

01:06:33.160 Yeah.

01:06:33.520 But 30 years ago,

01:06:34.520 they never did that.

01:06:35.340 Yeah.

01:06:35.580 They didn't care.

01:06:36.500 They were like,

01:06:36.880 no,

01:06:37.020 we only book people

01:06:38.300 that are really good comics.

01:06:40.620 I remember when YouTubers 1.00

01:06:42.400 were coming in

01:06:43.200 and doing comedy clubs.

01:06:44.800 And yeah,

01:06:45.740 I think all of us

01:06:46.400 were like a little bit like.

01:06:47.640 Well,

01:06:48.000 for one,

01:06:48.420 we were jealous

01:06:49.140 because they were selling the places out.

01:06:51.960 I know,

01:06:52.620 dude.

01:06:53.020 I know.

01:06:53.420 And it was just,

01:06:54.080 that was crazy.

01:06:54.820 It was before we were doing podcasting

01:06:56.860 and stuff.

01:06:57.320 And then.

01:06:57.640 But we took advantage

01:06:59.400 of what they were doing.

01:07:01.260 It was funny

01:07:01.740 because I used to go

01:07:02.780 look at YouTubers 1.00

01:07:04.040 and go,

01:07:04.620 my shows aren't sold out.

01:07:06.540 Right.

01:07:06.880 But Jojo Santana,

01:07:08.520 I don't know.

01:07:09.080 Yeah.

01:07:09.680 Is selling out

01:07:10.360 because he's,

01:07:10.920 you know,

01:07:11.080 he has a.

01:07:11.740 Yeah.

01:07:12.180 And then it's like.

01:07:13.280 Hemroyd Wilson

01:07:14.080 or whatever is selling out.

01:07:15.460 Or whoever.

01:07:16.140 Yeah,

01:07:16.420 yeah,

01:07:16.500 yeah.

01:07:16.540 You know.

01:07:16.960 But then I was like,

01:07:17.880 well,

01:07:18.000 how do they do that?

01:07:19.220 Oh,

01:07:19.480 online.

01:07:20.520 Oh,

01:07:20.700 let's figure this out.

01:07:21.680 And we figured it out.

01:07:23.540 And we figured it out.

01:07:24.580 And now we did what they're doing

01:07:25.940 by putting out content.

01:07:28.280 Yeah.

01:07:28.600 And grabbing an audience that way.

01:07:30.560 And we cut out the middleman,

01:07:32.020 which is Hollywood.

01:07:33.680 Do you?

01:07:34.920 Do you?

01:07:35.280 Do you?

01:07:37.560 Did you see those Mexican aliens? 1.00

01:07:42.800 What do you mean?

01:07:44.160 You didn't see them?

01:07:45.540 I have no idea

01:07:46.080 what you're talking about.

01:07:47.560 Mexico found the aliens.

01:07:49.840 Oh,

01:07:50.000 I thought you said

01:07:50.360 Mexicans were aliens. 1.00

01:07:51.360 Look at it right here. 0.92

01:07:52.560 Let me see.

01:08:00.240 They found two aliens,

01:08:02.000 dude.

01:08:02.680 Is that real?

01:08:03.320 Yeah,

01:08:03.440 they're a size nine and a half.

01:08:05.000 They're little,

01:08:05.820 dude.

01:08:06.680 Yeah,

01:08:07.120 they're little,

01:08:08.080 dude.

01:08:09.360 They did like an unboxing.

01:08:10.540 Do aliens are Chinese?

01:08:11.780 Like it's a Marcus Brownlee video.

01:08:15.420 Yeah,

01:08:15.740 bro.

01:08:16.100 And first of all,

01:08:16.580 why does that one have asbestos,

01:08:18.180 dude?

01:08:18.500 I know.

01:08:19.420 But they're little

01:08:20.400 and they have little Asian eyes

01:08:22.120 and he's doing this.

01:08:24.140 I'm not saying,

01:08:25.040 yeah,

01:08:25.720 it looked like a Chinese dude

01:08:27.400 who was using a straw

01:08:29.580 and he got hit

01:08:31.520 by a nuclear attack.

01:08:33.400 Yeah,

01:08:33.720 yeah,

01:08:34.440 yeah.

01:08:34.680 Go back to it.

01:08:35.760 Whoa,

01:08:35.960 dude.

01:08:36.780 That's crazy.

01:08:38.260 So that,

01:08:38.780 they found it,

01:08:39.480 huh?

01:08:40.080 Yeah,

01:08:40.580 they found two aliens,

01:08:42.100 dude,

01:08:42.160 and they presented them

01:08:43.340 in these little coffins.

01:08:45.520 That's insane,

01:08:46.500 dude.

01:08:47.220 I love how there's like dirt around it.

01:08:49.880 Yeah.

01:08:51.520 Wow.

01:08:52.060 And one of them had eggs in it too,

01:08:53.660 they said.

01:08:54.080 No.

01:08:54.580 Yeah.

01:08:56.000 Dude,

01:08:56.480 I mean,

01:08:56.980 there we go,

01:08:57.720 dude.

01:08:58.140 Do we have any more information about it?

01:08:59.460 But come on,

01:09:00.180 dude,

01:09:00.380 that guy looks like,

01:09:02.280 yeah,

01:09:02.800 it looked like he was raised

01:09:04.620 face first

01:09:06.260 in a,

01:09:06.660 in a tuna can.

01:09:08.320 Yeah.

01:09:08.520 What's wrong with him?

01:09:09.960 I know.

01:09:11.060 Yeah.

01:09:11.840 Wow,

01:09:12.320 dude.

01:09:12.960 Wow.

01:09:13.420 Look at the little nostril.

01:09:14.700 That's cute though.

01:09:15.640 Oh,

01:09:15.880 I think,

01:09:16.180 I wish aliens look like that.

01:09:17.680 Oh, 0.50

01:09:17.920 a lot of chicks I'm sure 0.91

01:09:18.940 have already been in this

01:09:19.880 aliens DMs for sure.

01:09:21.800 Yeah,

01:09:22.220 yeah,

01:09:22.380 yeah.

01:09:23.400 Well, 1.00

01:09:23.580 did they show the dick? 1.00

01:09:24.440 I have to know the dick. 1.00

01:09:26.200 I mean, 1.00

01:09:27.040 I bet it's pretty similar.

01:09:29.300 To what?

01:09:30.460 To Chinese people?

01:09:32.040 I don't know,

01:09:34.020 but.

01:09:34.660 Yeah.

01:09:35.500 Wow,

01:09:35.740 what a cutie. 0.71

01:09:36.640 And that looks like a government thing.

01:09:38.220 Was that like on like

01:09:39.280 Mexican,

01:09:40.320 it was a Mexican government.

01:09:41.600 Yeah,

01:09:41.720 they had like a government like.

01:09:42.800 Oh,

01:09:42.940 yeah,

01:09:43.160 zoom in that.

01:09:43.680 I want to see,

01:09:44.120 that's the whole body.

01:09:45.160 Let me see. 0.99

01:09:47.800 No dick, 0.99

01:09:48.440 look. 0.99

01:09:49.120 Oh, 1.00

01:09:49.440 some dick. 1.00

01:09:49.860 It could be a woman. 1.00

01:09:50.620 Get in closer.

01:09:51.360 What do you mean?

01:09:52.360 It's a little pile of something.

01:09:53.540 Yeah,

01:09:53.740 yeah.

01:09:54.580 God,

01:09:54.860 they're so cute,

01:09:56.100 huh?

01:09:56.520 Yeah,

01:09:56.780 why have people been putting cigarettes out on him though?

01:09:59.240 That's what I want to know.

01:10:00.720 Yeah,

01:10:01.120 yeah,

01:10:01.240 yeah.

01:10:01.800 Bro,

01:10:02.020 that's crazy,

01:10:02.880 dude.

01:10:03.020 Look at the posture too.

01:10:04.500 Good posture,

01:10:05.120 I think.

01:10:05.800 Unbelievable.

01:10:06.360 Yeah,

01:10:06.600 yeah.

01:10:07.360 Of course.

01:10:07.800 It's just so like,

01:10:08.880 like dude, 0.96

01:10:09.640 they can't fucking breakdance, 0.96

01:10:11.800 I'll tell you that right now. 0.99

01:10:13.260 Imagine them do it.

01:10:16.060 You know what I mean?

01:10:17.180 It's more of a macarona?

01:10:19.360 It's something.

01:10:20.140 Yeah,

01:10:20.400 yeah,

01:10:20.560 yeah.

01:10:21.580 It's a Cupid Shuffle maybe.

01:10:23.220 Yeah,

01:10:23.420 yeah.

01:10:23.900 Wow,

01:10:24.400 dude.

01:10:25.320 I,

01:10:26.060 man,

01:10:26.460 that's so interesting.

01:10:27.280 It's so interesting,

01:10:28.120 dude.

01:10:28.420 Who do you think is most like aliens that's already on Earth based on the looks of this creature

01:10:33.660 right here?

01:10:34.480 Based on the looks of this. 0.99

01:10:35.120 Oh shit, 1.00

01:10:35.900 here we go. 1.00

01:10:37.580 You know,

01:10:38.060 people with progeria.

01:10:40.540 Really?

01:10:41.380 You know what that is?

01:10:42.120 Mm-mm.

01:10:42.780 Progeria?

01:10:43.360 Let's look it up.

01:10:45.560 You don't know what progeria is,

01:10:46.900 dude?

01:10:47.000 It's that disease.

01:10:48.640 Ooh.

01:10:49.100 And I,

01:10:49.340 I'm going to get in trouble for saying this.

01:10:51.600 No,

01:10:51.740 you're not.

01:10:52.100 Yeah,

01:10:52.380 watch.

01:10:53.320 When you see it,

01:10:54.120 you're going to be like,

01:10:54.780 oh.

01:10:57.820 Oh,

01:10:58.240 that guy,

01:10:58.980 huh?

01:11:00.240 Is that,

01:11:00.680 that guy is progeria?

01:11:01.700 What is progeria?

01:11:02.440 Can you,

01:11:02.800 can you bring it up?

01:11:03.380 It's,

01:11:03.700 it's,

01:11:04.080 they,

01:11:04.420 they age super quick.

01:11:05.960 Oh.

01:11:06.580 You know what I mean?

01:11:06.800 It's like the reverse Benjamin Button.

01:11:08.280 No,

01:11:08.720 it's like Benjamin,

01:11:09.520 yeah,

01:11:09.720 reverse Benjamin Button maybe.

01:11:11.120 Progeria,

01:11:11.580 also known as Hutchinson,

01:11:12.640 Hutchinson,

01:11:13.780 Guilford Progeria.

01:11:14.840 Oh,

01:11:14.880 dude,

01:11:14.980 I've never seen a black one before.

01:11:15.980 Let me see the black one. 0.99

01:11:17.620 Extremely rare progressive genetic disorder. 0.98

01:11:19.620 I've never seen a black person with progeria before.

01:11:21.400 Let me see. 0.97

01:11:24.260 Look at this white guy in blackface trying to do it. 0.98

01:11:26.520 Go down there. 0.98

01:11:27.220 Right there,

01:11:27.900 left.

01:11:28.740 That's not,

01:11:29.400 what?

01:11:30.160 That guy?

01:11:30.440 Right there. 0.95

01:11:32.620 That's a black guy with progeria.

01:11:33.800 Oh, 0.95

01:11:33.900 you're right.

01:11:34.320 Yeah,

01:11:34.500 yeah,

01:11:34.660 yeah.

01:11:34.780 It's not like,

01:11:35.680 well,

01:11:35.980 I think the attire made me think that it was a white guy.

01:11:40.220 I thought you were saying a white guy with progeria was doing blackface.

01:11:43.960 No, 0.95

01:11:44.360 I thought it was a white guy doing black, 0.91

01:11:46.960 doing fake progeria. 0.84

01:11:49.020 Oh,

01:11:49.400 fake progeria. 0.69

01:11:49.740 Okay,

01:11:50.000 okay.

01:11:50.700 I see.

01:11:51.400 Yeah.

01:11:52.100 Well,

01:11:52.360 what a,

01:11:53.720 like,

01:11:54.320 what a condition,

01:11:55.360 huh?

01:11:56.320 I can't.

01:11:56.920 So,

01:11:57.100 so go back to what the condition is.

01:11:58.500 Can I look at it?

01:11:59.400 It causes children to age rapidly starting in their first two years of life.

01:12:03.080 Children with progeria generally appear healthy at birth.

01:12:05.960 Wow.

01:12:06.220 So it's a surprise.

01:12:09.000 If we're going to go down this lane,

01:12:10.440 do you know what harlequin itchiosis is?

01:12:12.640 Uh-uh.

01:12:13.820 Really? 0.99

01:12:14.280 Don't even fucking Google that then. 0.99

01:12:15.920 Harlequin itchiosis? 0.99

01:12:16.540 Yeah,

01:12:16.940 yeah,

01:12:17.040 yeah.

01:12:17.220 It's not a,

01:12:17.620 uh,

01:12:18.220 it's people that,

01:12:19.200 um,

01:12:19.240 you sure?

01:12:19.800 Are you talking about,

01:12:20.660 it's not a movie character,

01:12:22.240 is it?

01:12:22.560 Joker's girlfriend,

01:12:23.380 no.

01:12:25.180 Harlequin itchiosis is people born with like a layer of skin or something.

01:12:29.200 Oh.

01:12:29.740 Look it up.

01:12:30.920 Yeah,

01:12:31.140 that's,

01:12:31.440 yeah,

01:12:31.780 that's what the baby looked like.

01:12:33.220 Oh,

01:12:33.760 that's so sad.

01:12:35.080 Like,

01:12:35.440 um,

01:12:36.160 it almost has a,

01:12:37.120 don't,

01:12:37.340 don't,

01:12:37.540 there's no,

01:12:38.100 don't do a joke.

01:12:39.320 I'm not doing a joke.

01:12:40.100 They have a,

01:12:40.900 um,

01:12:41.800 almost a Aztec look.

01:12:45.100 You know what I'm saying?

01:12:45.900 Like a,

01:12:46.940 if you saw like art or,

01:12:48.240 it almost looks like a drawing.

01:12:49.480 Wall painting.

01:12:49.900 Like a cave wall painting.

01:12:51.000 Yeah.

01:12:51.280 Is that what you're saying?

01:12:51.900 A cave painting?

01:12:52.800 Yeah,

01:12:52.940 that's not bad.

01:12:54.440 Yeah,

01:12:54.840 isn't that sad?

01:12:56.520 Mom says,

01:12:56.880 toddler is happy,

01:12:57.660 smiley,

01:12:57.960 despite painful skin condition,

01:12:59.800 yeah,

01:12:59.940 but then they grow up to be,

01:13:01.160 they,

01:13:01.380 they,

01:13:01.700 they,

01:13:01.980 they can survive this condition.

01:13:03.320 Oh,

01:13:03.500 wow.

01:13:03.800 Yeah,

01:13:04.000 so,

01:13:04.320 you know,

01:13:05.160 that's cool.

01:13:05.620 That's amazing.

01:13:06.180 Did you,

01:13:06.660 um,

01:13:07.760 are there a lot of fears,

01:13:09.240 uh,

01:13:10.180 in your culture,

01:13:13.000 of a lot of birth fears?

01:13:14.320 Are there a lot of birth fears that don't happen in other cultures?

01:13:21.020 Like,

01:13:21.460 is there like a lot of like,

01:13:23.580 you know,

01:13:24.460 do Chinese people,

01:13:26.200 do they have like,

01:13:27.140 well,

01:13:27.360 can I ask you something?

01:13:28.940 Yeah.

01:13:29.900 And I honestly believe this.

01:13:32.320 I believe that you don't know what I am.

01:13:35.520 Because several times in this podcast,

01:13:37.380 you've referred to China.

01:13:38.420 and then you look at me,

01:13:40.740 do you think I'm Chinese?

01:13:42.920 I don't know if you are.

01:13:44.060 No,

01:13:44.240 be honest.

01:13:45.580 I don't care if you are.

01:13:46.380 I,

01:13:46.520 I,

01:13:46.640 I don't,

01:13:47.100 I don't,

01:13:47.440 I know you,

01:13:47.880 I know you don't,

01:13:48.520 I know you don't,

01:13:49.720 I know that you don't care that I am.

01:13:51.540 I know that you don't care,

01:13:53.420 right?

01:13:53.780 I mean,

01:13:54.000 I do care,

01:13:54.680 but it doesn't matter.

01:13:55.460 It doesn't matter to you.

01:13:56.540 You're welcome around me.

01:13:57.600 I know you love me regardless.

01:13:59.400 Yeah.

01:13:59.600 Right. 0.99

01:13:59.800 But it is information that you should fucking memorize. 0.98

01:14:04.420 Okay, 0.99

01:14:04.820 well chill bro. 0.99

01:14:06.560 It's information you should fucking memorize 0.99

01:14:08.820 because I've known you for 20 fucking, 0.99

01:14:10.760 you know, 0.99

01:14:10.880 whatever dude.

01:14:12.700 It's not about chill or not chill.

01:14:14.960 Right?

01:14:15.660 It's about, 1.00

01:14:16.720 memorize that shit dude. 1.00

01:14:18.760 Because every time I fucking see you dude, 1.00

01:14:20.760 it's like China, 1.00

01:14:21.920 China,

01:14:22.440 you people in China,

01:14:23.560 why do you guys eat this?

01:14:24.920 You know me?

01:14:25.200 How come you guys run this way?

01:14:26.780 How come you fly?

01:14:27.580 You don't know how to fly or whatever. 0.99

01:14:29.460 Whatever you're fucking saying is, 1.00

01:14:30.880 I'll, 0.99

01:14:31.100 I'll be happy to fucking answer those questions, 1.00

01:14:33.180 but memorize what the fuck I am. 1.00

01:14:36.780 My bad dude. 0.99

01:14:38.740 I'm Chinese.

01:14:39.700 All right. 0.98

01:14:39.880 I fucking knew it dude. 0.98

01:14:45.600 Dude, 1.00

01:14:45.960 why do you do that shit? 1.00

01:14:46.980 I'm Korean. 1.00

01:14:47.680 Are you really?

01:14:48.760 Yeah,

01:14:48.780 I'm Korean dude. 0.99

01:14:50.080 I'm fucking Korean dude. 0.99

01:14:51.320 So it's like, 0.99

01:14:52.060 God,

01:14:52.260 well just admit it.

01:14:53.460 Get it off your chest.

01:14:54.520 It's not a secret.

01:14:56.480 Google it.

01:14:57.080 It's not a secret.

01:14:58.160 What I'm saying is that every,

01:14:59.780 ever since I've known you, 1.00

01:15:01.380 you think I'm some other fucking Asian. 0.99

01:15:03.540 Like when I came in here, 1.00

01:15:04.540 what'd you say?

01:15:05.460 Mong, 1.00

01:15:05.880 mong.

01:15:07.000 Yeah,

01:15:07.400 you did dude.

01:15:09.460 Mong, 1.00

01:15:09.940 mong or something. 0.77

01:15:10.600 I'm not from mong. 1.00

01:15:11.980 I walk into you. 0.99

01:15:13.180 That's the first thing you fucking say dude. 1.00

01:15:14.980 Damn brother. 1.00

01:15:15.620 It's insane dude. 1.00

01:15:16.640 Memorize that shit dude. 1.00

01:15:17.680 Right. 1.00

01:15:18.140 Let me ask you some questions and you tell me what they are.

01:15:20.640 Okay.

01:15:21.360 Margaret Cho.

01:15:22.420 Margaret Cho.

01:15:23.780 Let me see.

01:15:24.840 Cho,

01:15:25.460 Cho,

01:15:26.080 Cho,

01:15:26.500 Cho.

01:15:27.960 I'm going to say,

01:15:29.280 uh,

01:15:29.960 well,

01:15:32.560 I'm going to say Chinese. 0.99

01:15:36.600 No,

01:15:36.960 no,

01:15:37.560 no,

01:15:38.560 no,

01:15:38.720 no.

01:15:39.900 Let's forget it.

01:15:40.620 Try one more.

01:15:41.320 Let's try one more.

01:15:42.460 Oh,

01:15:42.580 you want to try another one?

01:15:43.340 Yeah.

01:15:43.680 Um,

01:15:44.500 here's a,

01:15:44.880 this is a complex one.

01:15:46.900 Uh,

01:15:47.720 Steve Byrne.

01:15:48.360 I would say Chirish. 1.00

01:16:02.460 Chirish.

01:16:03.520 Yeah.

01:16:04.300 That's what you just said.

01:16:05.180 Chirish.

01:16:05.700 Chinese and Irish.

01:16:06.600 Yeah.

01:16:06.660 No dude.

01:16:07.380 Really?

01:16:07.860 Yeah.

01:16:08.280 Korean too.

01:16:09.340 Ooh.

01:16:09.820 Yeah.

01:16:10.960 Koreans will surprise you then. 1.00

01:16:12.480 We got to write this down,

01:16:13.560 huh?

01:16:13.720 Yeah.

01:16:14.000 He's Chirish. 1.00

01:16:14.940 We got to write,

01:16:15.500 he's Chirish,

01:16:16.480 not Chirish.

01:16:17.060 We got to write this down,

01:16:18.000 Zach.

01:16:18.120 You know,

01:16:18.620 you're the right,

01:16:19.520 no,

01:16:19.820 honestly,

01:16:20.360 Theo,

01:16:20.700 bro,

01:16:21.100 let me,

01:16:21.380 let's be real,

01:16:21.920 dude.

01:16:22.160 Yeah.

01:16:22.740 I love you dude.

01:16:23.620 I love you too,

01:16:24.020 man.

01:16:24.080 Like a brother dude,

01:16:24.940 right?

01:16:25.720 What I'm saying dude,

01:16:26.800 Yeah.

01:16:27.200 It's not something you need to write down.

01:16:29.940 It's something that you could put in your brain.

01:16:31.900 You know how you like memorize different kinds of corn?

01:16:34.240 Yeah.

01:16:34.720 Right?

01:16:35.080 And like different kinds of like condition,

01:16:37.120 like white people conditions,

01:16:38.620 you know what I mean?

01:16:39.840 Yeah.

01:16:40.020 Like bowlegged,

01:16:40.820 whatever.

01:16:41.200 Asthma.

01:16:41.520 Yeah,

01:16:41.760 asthma,

01:16:42.160 whatever.

01:16:43.060 You can memorize what people's,

01:16:46.400 you know,

01:16:47.800 ethnicity is and their nationality and stuff.

01:16:50.080 Korean.

01:16:51.320 Exactly,

01:16:51.840 dude.

01:16:51.980 It's not hard.

01:16:53.440 Do Koreans do well around, 1.00

01:16:55.360 like what is the,

01:16:57.320 who is y'all's arch nemesis in the,

01:17:00.100 in the,

01:17:01.940 like in the Asian realm?

01:17:03.100 Do you guys have like a,

01:17:04.640 when you say realm,

01:17:06.060 it's like, 0.98

01:17:06.440 you're talking about Lord of the Rings or some shit. 0.94

01:17:11.700 It's like, 0.96

01:17:11.940 it's really,

01:17:12.480 it's not a realm.

01:17:13.500 It's just a part of the world.

01:17:14.840 You know what I mean?

01:17:15.320 Realm.

01:17:15.920 Okay.

01:17:16.540 Yeah.

01:17:16.940 No,

01:17:17.160 it's not okay.

01:17:18.020 Oh,

01:17:18.280 sorry.

01:17:18.900 I'm just saying,

01:17:19.480 I'm just saying you're like,

01:17:20.480 you were like warlocks or something. 1.00

01:17:21.960 Or some shit. 1.00

01:17:22.640 Not at all. 0.98

01:17:23.420 When you see realm,

01:17:24.180 dude,

01:17:24.380 it's like,

01:17:24.640 I'm just saying like, 1.00

01:17:25.580 what wizards don't you fuck with? 1.00

01:17:28.520 It's like, 1.00

01:17:29.020 no,

01:17:29.260 we're just a part of the planet.

01:17:31.520 How about this?

01:17:32.420 Yeah.

01:17:32.820 Don't say realm again.

01:17:33.780 Okay.

01:17:34.220 All right.

01:17:34.560 It's crazy.

01:17:35.180 But if y'all were in a zoo,

01:17:36.600 let's say that.

01:17:37.340 Don't say that.

01:17:38.780 All right.

01:17:39.280 All right.

01:17:39.540 I can go with that.

01:17:40.520 Y'all would have your own.

01:17:41.400 Are you in the zoo too?

01:17:42.340 Yes.

01:17:42.760 White people are in the zoo too. 0.92

01:17:43.640 We're all in the zoo. 0.94

01:17:44.600 It's a human zoo. 0.99

01:17:44.880 It's a human zoo. 0.99

01:17:45.300 So the aliens have created a zoo.

01:17:47.200 Yeah.

01:17:47.660 And there's a white people, 0.92

01:17:48.580 like a human zoo. 0.97

01:17:49.520 There's two aliens in Mexico.

01:17:51.480 Right.

01:17:51.920 Okay.

01:17:52.440 They created a zoo.

01:17:53.460 I think they can mix,

01:17:54.720 you know what I mean?

01:17:55.560 Different races in a environment.

01:17:59.360 Okay.

01:17:59.540 What you're saying to me is,

01:18:00.660 is that aliens would go to the human zoo and go,

01:18:03.880 let's go to the Chinese section.

01:18:05.280 Yeah.

01:18:06.380 You have to look at Epcot Center.

01:18:08.180 What do you think that is?

01:18:08.780 Oh,

01:18:08.940 you're right.

01:18:10.220 All right.

01:18:10.880 So what they,

01:18:12.160 yeah,

01:18:12.360 you know what,

01:18:12.820 dude,

01:18:13.000 they would probably have an Asian section.

01:18:15.040 Yeah.

01:18:15.460 And separate them.

01:18:16.780 So they would probably put like the Vietnamese and Cambodians and the Filipinos in one section.

01:18:23.100 Yeah.

01:18:23.860 That's fair.

01:18:24.400 Yeah.

01:18:24.600 They would put,

01:18:25.560 but I think they would put the Chinese in its own section.

01:18:28.500 That's a lot.

01:18:29.180 Mm-hmm.

01:18:29.860 And they would put Koreans and Japanese. 0.98

01:18:31.260 That's aftermarket too,

01:18:32.080 a lot of it.

01:18:32.600 What do you mean?

01:18:33.260 A lot of that's aftermarket,

01:18:34.580 isn't it?

01:18:34.980 What was aftermarket?

01:18:35.700 Chinese.

01:18:36.340 They make a lot of aftermarket products.

01:18:38.040 You know what I'm talking about?

01:18:38.520 Yeah.

01:18:38.800 Yeah.

01:18:38.960 Yeah.

01:18:39.520 Like if you want a replica of like a rear view mirror or something like that. 0.99

01:18:44.720 What would that have anything to do with them being in a fucking zoo? 0.92

01:18:47.000 I'm just saying that you put them maybe in a special section. 0.99

01:18:49.360 Go on.

01:18:49.780 Because of the aftermarket?

01:18:50.940 I'm thinking outside of the box.

01:18:51.800 Oh yeah.

01:18:52.100 I think,

01:18:52.220 you're thinking too much.

01:18:53.780 I am.

01:18:54.660 I think the Koreans and the Japanese would have to be separated, 1.00

01:18:57.420 but I don't know because time has passed. 1.00

01:18:59.880 But you have to understand the Japanese back in the day did some fucked up shit. 1.00

01:19:03.360 Yeah. 1.00

01:19:03.780 They invaded China. 0.97

01:19:04.960 They invaded Korea. 0.99

01:19:06.200 They invited the Philippines.

01:19:08.640 You know what I mean?

01:19:08.940 But they've chilled over the years.

01:19:10.320 Now they're into like Hello Kitty and you know what I mean?

01:19:12.440 Yeah.

01:19:13.080 Relaxing.

01:19:13.520 Relax.

01:19:14.340 Yeah.

01:19:14.540 They're into relaxing.

01:19:15.360 They like to relax, dude.

01:19:16.460 I know.

01:19:16.620 They don't have a military anymore.

01:19:18.380 Wow.

01:19:18.700 Japan doesn't. 0.83

01:19:19.300 No.

01:19:20.300 Wow.

01:19:20.620 They don't have a military.

01:19:21.820 I think the only kind of gun you can get in Japan is a shotgun and then you have to get

01:19:26.300 a bunch. 0.99

01:19:26.640 You have to do a bunch of classes and shit. 0.99

01:19:28.440 Wow. 0.99

01:19:28.560 You know how to get one.

01:19:29.020 But my point is that they've chilled over the years.

01:19:31.900 That's what the two bums did. 1.00

01:19:33.080 And you know,

01:19:33.460 shout out to Oppenheimer. 1.00

01:19:36.400 Damn. 0.99

01:19:36.720 So are you pro-Oppenheimer then? 0.99

01:19:38.440 No, I'm not pro-Oppenheimer. 0.99

01:19:39.340 That was fucked up. 0.99

01:19:40.680 But I'm just saying that, you know. 1.00

01:19:41.900 Yeah, man.

01:19:42.440 I'm sorry.

01:19:43.220 It happened.

01:19:44.260 Yeah.

01:19:44.660 Right?

01:19:44.980 So.

01:19:45.440 Oh, it feels horrible.

01:19:46.540 It does.

01:19:46.840 It's horrible.

01:19:47.520 There's a lot of pain in the world.

01:19:49.680 You tell me, dude.

01:19:51.040 So much pain in the world, dude.

01:19:52.220 There's a lot of pain in the world.

01:19:53.400 Is there pain in your life?

01:19:55.360 Hmm.

01:19:57.000 I'm trying to think what's been going on.

01:19:58.060 I think the toughest thing for me probably has just been thinking about getting married

01:20:02.460 and stuff like that.

01:20:03.520 Is there anyone?

01:20:04.860 Is there anyone?

01:20:06.020 Right now that you want to marry?

01:20:07.040 No.

01:20:08.200 There's, you know, I've kind of been dating some, but there's nothing I don't think.

01:20:11.780 But I think it's just a general fear of getting married.

01:20:14.360 Do you have that, you think?

01:20:15.460 I think when it comes to you, dude, and I don't, you know, at the end of the day, you

01:20:21.600 and I are very similar.

01:20:22.820 Yeah.

01:20:23.580 And I think we have commitment issues.

01:20:25.320 Yeah.

01:20:25.560 I think you and I have exterior struggles that we relate to.

01:20:31.740 I don't know how you are with porn.

01:20:35.100 Is that an addiction for you?

01:20:36.300 I don't know.

01:20:36.620 I've watched a decent amount of it.

01:20:38.420 Yeah, yeah.

01:20:39.020 I mean, you know, I've seen a lot.

01:20:40.420 You could be a critic for a newspaper.

01:20:42.880 Yeah.

01:20:43.340 If there was a porn critic, you could be one.

01:20:45.380 That's how much you've watched it.

01:20:46.740 Don't you think?

01:20:47.380 I've seen enough over the years.

01:20:48.660 I don't need to see any more.

01:20:49.960 Yeah.

01:20:50.200 You could write articles.

01:20:51.560 Yeah.

01:20:51.820 I could.

01:20:52.580 Yeah.

01:20:53.300 Yeah.

01:20:53.540 I think it's bad for you, but I don't think I need to see any more.

01:20:57.600 I've been off for a little bit.

01:20:59.160 Yeah.

01:20:59.320 I watch it a little too much.

01:21:01.200 Do you?

01:21:01.720 Yeah.

01:21:02.000 But my point is that, and here's another thing, too.

01:21:05.020 It's like, I know women like you. 1.00

01:21:09.560 I hear it.

01:21:11.300 And yet, here you are, alone almost.

01:21:15.720 I don't know what that is, dude.

01:21:17.340 Are you still in therapy?

01:21:18.180 Yeah, Tuesdays, every other week at three.

01:21:21.960 Yeah, yeah.

01:21:23.240 So, I don't know, but because, you know, I've known some of the girls. 0.68

01:21:26.320 I know you're not a vocal about it.

01:21:27.640 I would never, but I've seen you in situations, like with people.

01:21:31.520 Yeah.

01:21:31.780 And some of these girls that you've seen, I've liked.

01:21:34.920 Really?

01:21:35.580 Oh, yeah.

01:21:36.360 Like, there was one in particular years ago where I went, I hope that happens.

01:21:41.740 Yeah.

01:21:42.680 I think I remember that one.

01:21:43.660 Yeah, I hope that happens.

01:21:45.120 But it never happened.

01:21:47.300 It never happened.

01:21:48.720 So, I think that you and I are.

01:21:50.640 I think it just seems so scary.

01:21:52.800 Have you been married?

01:21:54.700 No, I'm not.

01:21:55.420 No.

01:21:56.760 Of course I'm not.

01:21:57.800 You've known that. 1.00

01:21:58.460 You're going to die, man. 1.00

01:21:59.700 You're going to die, too, dude. 1.00

01:22:01.220 Yeah, well, you've got to get married. 0.99

01:22:02.600 I got, no, dude, I got somebody.

01:22:04.120 Maybe I will.

01:22:05.800 Maybe I will, dude.

01:22:07.600 Would you propose?

01:22:08.500 Where would you propose at? 1.00

01:22:12.520 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:22:13.140 I've never, you know, you know what I would do, dude? 0.99

01:22:14.540 I would have Shin Lim, you know, do something.

01:22:16.640 Shin Lim the magician?

01:22:17.500 Yeah.

01:22:17.920 Yeah, bring him up.

01:22:19.560 Shin Lim.

01:22:20.180 I love things like that.

01:22:21.440 Yeah.

01:22:21.540 A lot of Asian stuff, you can just make two sounds and then suddenly you can be a magician. 0.96

01:22:25.420 Yeah, yeah.

01:22:26.340 I want Shin to, because I love Shin Lim a lot.

01:22:29.080 He's so talented, that guy.

01:22:30.540 Oh, unbelievable, dude.

01:22:31.960 So when I propose, I'm going to have Shin figure out how to do it, you know what I mean?

01:22:36.000 But I want it to be a surprise and I want some magic involved in it, you know?

01:22:39.720 And think about how easy he thought his name up.

01:22:41.280 Shin, right?

01:22:42.080 And it's in a limb.

01:22:43.580 Shin Lim.

01:22:44.100 Yeah, but limb is, anyway, spelled differently without the B. Like, see the smoke stuff?

01:22:51.400 I would like to do that, but out of my dick or something. 1.00

01:22:53.680 Oh, you're like a vape. 1.00

01:22:55.020 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:22:55.440 Yeah, yeah, I want to vape out of my dick. 1.00

01:22:57.120 And then the ring forms, right? 1.00

01:23:00.680 Write your name in the sky.

01:23:01.500 And I go, stick your finger in the smoke ring.

01:23:03.540 She sticks it in and then vroom.

01:23:06.340 And I go, will you marry me?

01:23:08.260 Yeah.

01:23:08.900 How magic? 1.00

01:23:09.860 Smoke coming out of my dick. 1.00

01:23:11.340 That's how, I'm going to ask Shin about it. 1.00

01:23:12.920 Oh, I love that.

01:23:13.540 You think that could happen?

01:23:14.680 Yeah.

01:23:15.160 How would you propose?

01:23:16.680 I think I would probably get, probably something old school.

01:23:24.260 Not on a cliff.

01:23:25.160 I'm not doing anything on a cliff.

01:23:27.060 Wait, wait, wait.

01:23:28.600 What do you mean a cliff?

01:23:29.580 I've never even heard of that.

01:23:30.700 Just people always do proposals and then a lot of times they, it's like.

01:23:34.560 They fall.

01:23:35.300 Yeah, there's an accident.

01:23:36.120 Yeah, I don't like that at all.

01:23:37.260 So that's too risky.

01:23:38.180 I would do something more ground, like more sea level.

01:23:42.020 I would do, I don't know.

01:23:44.480 You don't want to do something like where you hide it in a soup or something. 0.89

01:23:48.500 I feel like that's kind of ridiculous.

01:23:50.000 Dude, I've never heard that before. 0.91

01:23:51.040 Really?

01:23:51.540 Like an alphabet soup?

01:23:53.280 Yeah.

01:23:53.540 Yeah.

01:23:54.240 Dude.

01:23:54.620 But all the letters just spell like marry me or something?

01:23:57.460 Dude, that'd be dope, dude.

01:23:59.480 Have shin work on it.

01:24:00.800 And then after it says marry me, it floats to the surface of the ring.

01:24:05.340 What do you think, dude?

01:24:06.540 That's never happened before.

01:24:08.060 Did you see, though, that one guy went underwater and wrote marry me on a piece of paper and

01:24:11.600 he drowned trying to propose to his wife?

01:24:14.280 You see that?

01:24:15.120 No.

01:24:15.860 Let's see that.

01:24:16.940 There's no way that's a thing.

01:24:18.260 Oh, it's 100%.

01:24:19.080 It's so sad.

01:24:20.760 God, man.

01:24:21.840 Don't cry.

01:24:23.200 I'm not.

01:24:23.600 It just makes me sad.

01:24:24.200 Louisiana man drowns after underwater marriage proposal.

01:24:27.740 You never got to hear my answer, his girlfriend said.

01:24:30.160 No, really?

01:24:31.160 Yeah.

01:24:31.480 That's a real thing?

01:24:32.400 A Louisiana man reportedly drowned after he asked his girlfriend to marry him in an underwater

01:24:38.100 proposal, she said in a social media post.

01:24:40.020 They have the drowning on camera?

01:24:43.680 I guess some of it, yeah.

01:24:46.000 But I guess part of it, they didn't.

01:24:47.640 You never emerged from the depths, so you never got to hear my answer.

01:24:50.720 Yes, yes.

01:24:51.400 A million times, yes.

01:24:53.440 His girlfriend, Kenesha Antoine.

01:24:55.020 Of course she's going to say yes.

01:24:56.920 Yeah, especially now.

01:24:57.680 She's going to say no?

01:24:58.920 Yeah.

01:24:59.380 Even if she was going to say no?

01:25:01.480 Oh, we wrote it on loose leaf, too.

01:25:03.940 And put it in a Stephen Weber or Weber.

01:25:08.420 Aw.

01:25:08.620 Dude, it's like, might as well just do it in an active volcano. 1.00

01:25:11.320 Like, that's the dumbest idea in the world. 0.99

01:25:12.980 You think? 1.00

01:25:13.580 Yeah, dude.

01:25:14.560 Underwater?

01:25:17.520 Yeah, I guess why do it?

01:25:18.760 There's so many places on, like, Earth, on land, that you could be original with.

01:25:24.360 Why would you do it in a place where you could die?

01:25:26.520 Well, because then that adds an element of risk to it.

01:25:28.920 It's like, I'm going to take a risk for this look.

01:25:30.540 Oh.

01:25:31.860 And you know what?

01:25:32.480 I think there is something to be said for that, you know?

01:25:35.100 And he was in an underwater bedroom.

01:25:36.600 Apparently, there's a bedroom that's underwater.

01:25:38.620 And you get to, and you can.

01:25:40.760 Oh.

01:25:41.960 So he went outside of it.

01:25:44.440 Wrote it down and proposed.

01:25:45.720 And I guess he couldn't hold his breath for very long.

01:25:50.560 Oh, my God.

01:25:51.160 It's so sad.

01:25:51.780 I can't even look at it.

01:25:52.660 I know, man.

01:25:54.240 He never emerged.

01:25:56.680 In Tanzania.

01:25:57.900 Oh.

01:25:58.780 How much time have we done?

01:26:00.260 I don't know.

01:26:00.620 About an hour.

01:26:01.900 We'll do a little bit more.

01:26:03.160 Well, you do more than an hour?

01:26:04.620 Yeah, a little more, man.

01:26:05.600 Why?

01:26:05.680 If I'm hanging out with a buddy, you know?

01:26:06.940 Because I don't get to talk to you that much.

01:26:09.320 I'll see you next week.

01:26:10.820 You're not coming over tomorrow.

01:26:11.880 It's the next week?

01:26:12.520 I'm going to come to the meeting tomorrow.

01:26:14.420 Wednesday morning?

01:26:15.000 Wednesday, yeah.

01:26:15.420 Please come.

01:26:16.120 Wednesday morning is at noon, isn't it?

01:26:17.200 It's at noon, yeah.

01:26:17.860 Please come.

01:26:18.460 I will.

01:26:19.400 That's awesome.

01:26:20.920 Is that going well for you, though, or no?

01:26:22.720 The program?

01:26:23.360 Yeah.

01:26:24.100 Yeah.

01:26:24.540 You didn't go out.

01:26:25.100 I mean, how much time do you have now?

01:26:26.520 16 months, maybe.

01:26:28.060 Wow.

01:26:28.580 That's incredible, dude.

01:26:29.780 Because I'll have two years in January.

01:26:31.780 Will you?

01:26:32.360 Yeah, dude.

01:26:33.700 January 25th, I'll have two years.

01:26:35.060 Did you ever almost relapse or no?

01:26:38.200 I thought about it.

01:26:39.880 Have you thought about it?

01:26:40.700 Yeah, I thought about it last weekend.

01:26:42.140 Yeah, yeah.

01:26:42.460 I've thought about it.

01:26:43.120 I'm so stressed.

01:26:43.940 I just thought about just getting me an ice cold beer.

01:26:46.140 Yeah, yeah.

01:26:46.560 It's not just beer.

01:26:47.380 It's like, sometimes I'll be like, people, you know what the thing is?

01:26:50.000 When people are on shrooms.

01:26:51.860 That makes you want to do it?

01:26:53.380 Yeah, because I haven't had shrooms since I was 17 years old.

01:26:56.840 Like, every time I relapse, I never had it.

01:26:58.760 Really?

01:26:59.220 Which I should have done it then.

01:27:00.460 Yeah.

01:27:00.980 You know what I mean?

01:27:01.440 But I've never had it.

01:27:03.020 So people are on shrooms now where, you know, they go, dude, I'm microdacing, dude.

01:27:08.460 Yeah.

01:27:08.900 You're like, oh, I don't know what that feels like.

01:27:10.740 Or like some of these other things like ketamine.

01:27:13.460 Yeah, ketamine therapy, boy.

01:27:14.700 Yeah, ketamine or some of these things.

01:27:17.040 But it's like, but it's a brief thought, and then I can just move on.

01:27:21.980 Yeah.

01:27:22.380 You know what I mean?

01:27:23.560 But sometimes, especially when you're on the road, bro, and you're like at a bar.

01:27:30.800 Sometimes it's hard, dude.

01:27:32.400 But you know what, dude?

01:27:33.040 I'm not at a bar on the road, really.

01:27:34.240 You never?

01:27:34.820 I don't go to a bar, really.

01:27:36.500 Yeah, like a couple of times I've had girls go, you know, me and my friends are here.

01:27:41.780 We're at Charlotte's Place or whatever, and I'll go over there.

01:27:44.340 You will?

01:27:45.320 I'll go if they're super hot.

01:27:46.840 Yeah.

01:27:47.140 Right?

01:27:47.500 And then I'm at Charlotte's Place, and I try to act cool and stuff, but it's like, it's

01:27:51.340 not good.

01:27:51.800 And then like they're drinking, and sometimes I'm like, but then I thought to myself, if 0.96

01:27:55.200 I did drink, I would probably do shit that I would regret the next day. 0.99

01:28:00.240 Right? 0.98

01:28:01.680 Like, you know, hook up with somebody that, yeah, because you know, I'll be honest with you.

01:28:05.980 You and I, our tastes have been sophisticated.

01:28:10.060 Really?

01:28:10.380 It's like a fine one.

01:28:11.620 You're not?

01:28:12.380 I don't know.

01:28:13.040 I think it is.

01:28:13.700 What do you mean when you say that?

01:28:15.200 What I mean is like, you know, I like to date women that are not just only attractive,

01:28:19.420 but that, you know what I mean, are bright and cool and have all the, you know, I have

01:28:26.040 a checklist of things, you know what I mean?

01:28:28.660 A couple of, I've had some suspect ones.

01:28:30.980 Have you?

01:28:31.680 Oh my God, yeah.

01:28:32.560 I mean, I can't talk about it, but I have.

01:28:33.960 Have you met a girl off of the DMs and just went to met a meter at night in the middle

01:28:38.640 of the night?

01:28:40.240 I did that a couple of times.

01:28:41.840 Wow.

01:28:42.320 Was it scary?

01:28:43.060 I mean, I did some stuff I can't even talk about on this podcast that were like, wow,

01:28:48.200 like I should be more careful.

01:28:49.960 Really? 0.96

01:28:50.900 Like crazies.

01:28:52.040 Really?

01:28:52.600 Yeah.

01:28:53.060 Lady of the Nights.

01:28:54.020 You know what I mean?

01:28:54.360 Wild Eye.

01:28:55.180 Wow.

01:28:55.660 Yeah. 0.68

01:28:56.460 And is this, have you been to any like sex dungeons or anything like that?

01:29:01.920 Like you ever been to anything?

01:29:03.420 No.

01:29:03.960 I've never been in a dungeon, man. 0.99

01:29:05.680 A sex dungeon. 0.98

01:29:06.780 That's not my thing. 0.99

01:29:07.900 Yeah.

01:29:08.740 Have you done that?

01:29:09.620 No.

01:29:10.000 I don't like dominatrix.

01:29:11.480 You know, it's so funny.

01:29:12.540 I'm just, as a human being, I'm a very simple guy, dude.

01:29:16.140 Really?

01:29:16.520 I like a nice meal.

01:29:18.400 You know what I mean?

01:29:18.780 Do you eat the same thing every day?

01:29:21.240 It's funny.

01:29:21.800 If you look at my Postmates and my DoorDash, there are six places that I just rotate.

01:29:26.580 Like what are yours?

01:29:27.300 I like Mediterranean food about once a month.

01:29:29.660 So I go to Mediterranean.

01:29:30.700 So I'll go Panini Cafe.

01:29:31.980 Have you ever been to Panini?

01:29:33.220 Mm-mm.

01:29:34.080 So I get kebabs there.

01:29:35.460 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:29:36.180 They're good.

01:29:36.420 So I'll get like chicken or steak with kebabs.

01:29:38.280 I'll get like a salad.

01:29:39.720 And then, you know, it comes with the balsamic rice or whatever.

01:29:42.060 But I also get like cucumbers and hummus.

01:29:44.720 So I do that. 0.99

01:29:45.460 So I fuck with that. 0.99

01:29:46.640 Another thing that I go to is I'll do one smash burger place. 1.00

01:29:51.180 Yeah, yeah.

01:29:51.640 I go to Hi-Ho.

01:29:52.360 Like Fatty Burger?

01:29:53.380 Hi-Ho.

01:29:54.300 Yeah.

01:29:54.700 Like Fatty Burger.

01:29:55.580 They always, some of the names are kind of offensive. 1.00

01:29:57.580 It's like, hey, fat bitch. 1.00

01:29:59.420 Burger. 1.00

01:30:00.140 And you're like, what?

01:30:00.820 Yeah, yeah.

01:30:01.420 Like Fat Sales.

01:30:02.960 That's a place.

01:30:04.140 Yeah, Fat Burger.

01:30:05.280 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:30:05.760 Don't put fat in the fucking thing. 1.00

01:30:07.760 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 1.00

01:30:08.460 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:30:09.120 You're right.

01:30:09.800 Yeah.

01:30:10.040 I don't go to those places that often because of that work.

01:30:12.580 Yeah.

01:30:12.860 Another place that I go to is like that, that.

01:30:17.080 And then I'll do, dude, I do sushi once a month at a place.

01:30:20.700 Have you ever been to Austin Abo?

01:30:22.240 Austin Abo?

01:30:22.940 In Studio City.

01:30:23.640 No, is it good?

01:30:24.160 It's the best.

01:30:24.860 Really?

01:30:25.340 Yeah.

01:30:25.960 I got to take you there. 1.00

01:30:27.340 And then, dude, I fuck with hot dogs, bro. 1.00

01:30:30.760 Really? 1.00

01:30:31.300 No, here's another thing.

01:30:32.600 You're that glizzy gobbler, huh? 0.98

01:30:33.680 I'm a gobbler.

01:30:34.540 You like glizzies?

01:30:35.360 I love it.

01:30:36.440 But here's another.

01:30:37.060 What?

01:30:37.980 I don't know what you're saying.

01:30:38.940 How many have you had?

01:30:39.980 So many glizzies.

01:30:41.480 Glizzies.

01:30:41.980 I love the glizzies.

01:30:42.740 Pull up a glizzy, dude.

01:30:44.520 What is it? 0.99

01:30:45.180 It's like a hot dog at a black guy's house, I think. 1.00

01:30:51.200 Really? 0.99

01:30:51.800 Yeah.

01:30:52.260 You haven't heard of glizzies, dog?

01:30:53.460 But you know what I'm addicted to?

01:30:54.600 A fast food?

01:30:55.800 Arby's, dude.

01:30:57.420 Oh, there you go.

01:30:58.060 There's Adam.

01:30:58.620 What's his name?

01:30:59.020 Adam 22 eating one.

01:31:02.540 Yeah, there's a guy using one as a gun.

01:31:04.200 Yeah.

01:31:05.740 Glizzy gobbler, homie. 1.00

01:31:07.060 Shit, dude. 1.00

01:31:07.580 A lot of Democrats eat it, huh? 1.00

01:31:08.880 Yeah, I guess so. 1.00

01:31:09.840 Fuck, dude. 1.00

01:31:11.320 That's a grizzly? 1.00

01:31:12.200 That's a glizzy? 0.89

01:31:12.740 Glizzy?

01:31:13.640 Yeah, that's a glizzy, homie. 1.00

01:31:15.160 Don't you like hot dog?

01:31:15.800 You like hot dogs?

01:31:16.700 I like hot dog, yeah.

01:31:18.260 You like hot dog?

01:31:19.080 Hey, you like hot dog?

01:31:20.800 Would you rather be, you think?

01:31:22.980 You think you could be Mexican or not? 0.96

01:31:25.780 Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

01:31:27.040 Dude, put these glasses on.

01:31:28.300 Let's be Mexican for a minute, dude. 1.00

01:31:30.200 Okay.

01:31:31.820 Hey, bro.

01:31:33.100 Hey, bro.

01:31:33.660 How you doing?

01:31:36.100 Hey, homie. 0.82

01:31:37.000 Hey, homie. 0.82

01:31:37.460 How you doing?

01:31:38.080 I'm doing good, brother.

01:31:39.480 Hey, bro.

01:31:40.200 Yeah.

01:31:41.400 What you watching, bro?

01:31:42.740 Oh, what I'm watching right now, son?

01:31:44.560 I'm watching my tío play horseshoes. 1.00

01:31:47.200 Oh, shit, bro. 1.00

01:31:48.140 You know what I like, bro? 1.00

01:31:49.260 What?

01:31:49.660 I like everybody.

01:31:50.920 I like you, bro.

01:31:52.240 Oh, you do?

01:31:53.040 You old school, old school.

01:31:54.380 Hey, bro, look at me.

01:31:56.660 Check me out.

01:31:57.400 Ring.

01:31:58.000 Yeah.

01:31:58.760 Yeah, dude.

01:31:59.840 Ring.

01:32:00.440 Also, dude, you know what I like, dude?

01:32:02.380 What is it?

01:32:03.100 I like, I like Carlos Santana, bro.

01:32:10.320 Yeah, yeah.

01:32:11.360 I like Peso Pluma.

01:32:12.760 Oh, you do, bro?

01:32:13.680 Yeah.

01:32:14.020 Bro, I like Señoritas, bro.

01:32:17.580 Oh, yeah.

01:32:18.740 Dude, and La Fiesta. 0.92

01:32:20.520 I like El Chica Saque.

01:32:23.500 Dude, we would be so cool.

01:32:25.000 Dude, we would be the best.

01:32:27.620 We'd be the best.

01:32:28.440 Oh, oh, oh.

01:32:30.040 I want to say something, too.

01:32:31.120 And I wasn't going to say this, and I'm sorry.

01:32:33.200 You might have to cut this out.

01:32:34.700 But I have a, dude, who do I, where's my camera?

01:32:38.260 Right here?

01:32:38.800 Yeah.

01:32:44.380 Last night, I went to the Ice House.

01:32:47.800 Have you been there?

01:32:48.720 No.

01:32:49.260 You know what it is?

01:32:49.960 Yeah.

01:32:50.440 They redid it?

01:32:51.340 They redid it.

01:32:52.960 And I wasn't going to say this.

01:32:55.000 It broke my heart when I was there last night.

01:32:58.460 I'll tell you how.

01:32:59.280 The Fishers used to own the Ice, you know, Bob Fisher.

01:33:02.840 Bob Fisher, yeah.

01:33:03.500 Do you remember him?

01:33:04.160 Great guy.

01:33:04.960 Great guy.

01:33:06.020 It used to be like the comedy store.

01:33:09.000 You know what I mean?

01:33:09.420 Like legend.

01:33:10.760 They didn't change it.

01:33:12.380 When you walked in, like, oh, yeah, this is the Ice House from back in the yesteryear.

01:33:16.260 Yeah.

01:33:16.760 It felt that way.

01:33:17.580 And I walked in there.

01:33:19.600 It was like walking into, like, Andes Hotel.

01:33:23.200 Uh-uh.

01:33:23.720 They changed it.

01:33:24.760 Uh-uh.

01:33:25.260 Yeah.

01:33:25.900 Not only did they change it, so I park in the alleyway where I usually go, right?

01:33:29.600 Yeah.

01:33:30.240 And, listen, I'm not, I'm not, I know I'm not Dave Chappelle.

01:33:34.520 Right.

01:33:35.040 I know I'm not Chris Rock.

01:33:36.460 I know where I am in the comedy scale.

01:33:39.280 Yeah.

01:33:39.540 All right?

01:33:40.120 But also, I'm not an open miker either.

01:33:42.000 I've been around. 0.99

01:33:42.660 I've done some shit. 1.00

01:33:43.540 Yeah. 0.99

01:33:43.860 Okay?

01:33:44.720 So, I park in the alleyway.

01:33:46.220 Then I go, how do I get in the club?

01:33:47.500 I knock.

01:33:48.420 And there was a guy that works there.

01:33:49.620 He's like, yo, man, what do you want?

01:33:51.440 Uh-uh.

01:33:51.860 And I go, I'm playing in the main room tonight, two shows.

01:33:55.100 You got to go around.

01:33:56.440 Uh-uh.

01:33:57.100 I go, can you just open this?

01:33:58.380 Only comics I open that for.

01:34:01.100 I go, it's Bobby Lee.

01:34:02.240 Yeah, go around.

01:34:04.140 So, I finally get him to open it.

01:34:05.960 And he goes, you better be a comic. 0.99

01:34:08.360 Damn. 1.00

01:34:08.780 That's what the guy says. 1.00

01:34:09.940 So, I go, okay, well, I walk around.

01:34:11.680 I don't know where to go.

01:34:12.260 So, then I go to another person.

01:34:13.320 I go, where's the green room?

01:34:14.220 He's like, why would you need the green room?

01:34:15.340 That's for comics.

01:34:16.500 Nuh-uh.

01:34:16.920 Yeah, I swear to God.

01:34:17.640 You think they was doing, like, a prank?

01:34:19.120 No, that wasn't a prank.

01:34:19.920 It wasn't a prank.

01:34:20.960 Then, I walk around. 0.99

01:34:22.960 I see a fucking waiter that had been there in the old days. 0.98

01:34:25.660 He's like, where's the manager? 0.99

01:34:26.740 The manager's sitting right in front of you.

01:34:28.860 And I look at him.

01:34:30.260 He won't even look at me.

01:34:31.320 Uh-oh.

01:34:31.860 Yeah, he doesn't say, listen, I haven't been there since it's changed. 0.99

01:34:37.720 The assistant manager and the manager, they don't know who the fuck we are. 0.99

01:34:42.760 Wow. 0.96

01:34:43.540 And I'm sorry, dude.

01:34:45.120 If you're at a comedy.

01:34:47.080 You think we're getting too old, though, Bobby?

01:34:49.080 No, it's not about me.

01:34:49.840 It's not about that.

01:34:50.460 It's not about that, dude.

01:34:51.100 It's not about that, dude.

01:34:51.780 Because let me say something, okay?

01:34:53.140 I was at Cleveland.

01:34:54.140 Maybe they're, like, they like Bryce Hall or they're, like, fans of, like, you know, I don't know.

01:35:00.260 Oh, so they're only Trevor Wallace fans.

01:35:02.860 I don't know.

01:35:03.540 I'm just trying to see the other side of it.

01:35:04.460 Maybe.

01:35:04.520 Oh, we only like Taylor Tomlinson and Trevor Noah.

01:35:06.720 Yeah.

01:35:06.940 People that are in their 20s and 30s?

01:35:09.040 I don't think so, dude.

01:35:10.060 Okay.

01:35:10.280 Because when I went to, dude, I went to three days ago, I went to, I was in Cleveland.

01:35:14.580 Mm-hmm.

01:35:15.100 And I went to a restaurant and it was next to Hilarity's.

01:35:18.380 Mm-hmm.

01:35:18.580 And I looked at Jesse Johnson and I go, let's go to Hilarity's.

01:35:21.620 I want to introduce you.

01:35:22.760 When I walked in there, I wasn't playing there that weekend.

01:35:26.500 The owner comes, gives me a hug, gives Jesse a hug.

01:35:31.280 They give me a tour.

01:35:32.160 They go, whatever you want.

01:35:34.200 We love you.

01:35:34.920 They're, like, family to me.

01:35:36.660 Then Jesse Curson was performing.

01:35:40.060 Jessica Curson?

01:35:40.600 Jessica Curson.

01:35:41.400 I went to go say hi.

01:35:42.460 Hugged her, right?

01:35:43.780 You know what I mean?

01:35:44.640 It's family.

01:35:45.480 That's what we are, dude.

01:35:46.340 This is what it is.

01:35:47.880 Yeah.

01:35:48.100 When I walked in the ice house, dude, it was like I went into, like,

01:35:51.500 a place I wasn't supposed to be, right?

01:35:54.280 And then, like, Whitney and Natasha was there, too.

01:35:57.540 And they, I mean, I didn't get deep into it,

01:35:59.680 but I feel like they felt the same way.

01:36:01.580 Really?

01:36:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:36:02.380 So my point is, is that change your shit, man. 1.00

01:36:05.740 Wow. 1.00

01:36:06.660 It's disrespectful, bro.

01:36:08.520 Wow.

01:36:09.220 Don't act like you don't know, like, I don't belong there.

01:36:13.180 Yeah.

01:36:13.420 I mean, I think it's strange.

01:36:14.240 If you go somewhere and you don't feel like you belong,

01:36:16.000 then you won't want to go back, man.

01:36:17.700 I'm never going to go back.

01:36:19.420 Wow.

01:36:20.240 And I'm sorry, you know, it's so funny.

01:36:21.560 It's like I have these little weird things.

01:36:23.180 I mean, and maybe I need to go to therapy about it 0.97

01:36:26.820 because I get mad about little shit like that. 0.99

01:36:29.600 Oh, yeah. 0.98

01:36:30.340 No, I'm being real.

01:36:31.060 I get, there's little things.

01:36:33.380 Like, one time I was playing Bellevue Parlor Live.

01:36:36.340 Oh, yeah.

01:36:36.560 I've been up there before, and that guy falls asleep sometimes.

01:36:38.460 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:36:39.600 He had a condition.

01:36:40.440 Yeah, and then the second show I did there.

01:36:43.020 He passed away, too, I think.

01:36:43.440 So I did a show Thursday, Friday night at the first show.

01:36:45.640 Second show, I left, came back,

01:36:47.220 and they wouldn't let me in the club.

01:36:49.740 And the doorman goes, hey, man, we're sold out.

01:36:52.180 And I go, I'm the headliner.

01:36:55.900 Like, you know what I mean?

01:36:56.980 Yeah, what do you think? 0.99

01:36:57.940 I'm just some fucking lost fisherman. 0.99

01:36:59.800 Right. 1.00

01:37:00.120 Like, when that shit happens, I don't know why, 1.00

01:37:03.040 but I lose my shit, dude. 1.00

01:37:05.780 I just, I don't know. 1.00

01:37:06.700 Is that me?

01:37:07.780 Is that ego?

01:37:08.340 Am I too sensitive?

01:37:09.080 I don't know.

01:37:09.440 I know, is it ego?

01:37:10.360 It could be ego.

01:37:11.560 I don't know.

01:37:12.340 But we all have ego.

01:37:13.280 Ego gets scary, man.

01:37:14.520 That's the scary part about all of it.

01:37:16.120 I think, like, your ego can be so dangerous.

01:37:18.160 It's like a, you know, it's a part of you that grows.

01:37:21.340 Sometimes you don't even know what's going on.

01:37:23.440 Yeah, I've been, it's funny.

01:37:25.320 When I was reacting like that last night, I tried to, like, stay in the moment and go,

01:37:32.140 are you overreacting?

01:37:34.000 Let's be, you know what I mean?

01:37:36.020 Let's see what this is about. 0.99

01:37:38.180 And then I realized, no, it's fucked up. 0.99

01:37:41.240 Yeah. 0.97

01:37:41.740 I do spend time and go, listen, where are you at?

01:37:45.300 What's your part to play in this?

01:37:47.160 Well, I think places are just having tough times hiring people all the time.

01:37:49.900 Like, you'll go to a bakery now and the guy working there, like, does, like, oil changes.

01:37:54.460 You know, like, I think people don't have, like, people that know comedy working at comedy clubs anymore.

01:37:59.220 Like, people are just hiring whoever they can, you know?

01:38:02.320 No, but that's ridiculous because it's like, if you go to the Laugh Factory Improv,

01:38:07.840 they cannot, there's not a single moment in my life where I've walked into the Laugh Factory

01:38:13.740 and they go, no, you're not allowed in here.

01:38:15.560 It's always like, they don't say anything because they just know you belong there.

01:38:19.900 But they have a history of knowing that you've been in there, I think, you know, and I think this is-

01:38:25.360 I've been going to the Ice House since I was in my 20s.

01:38:28.080 But I think that you, these people, I don't know.

01:38:30.780 I don't know, dude.

01:38:31.720 But I think, yeah, it's like you got a guy who's working at a, you know,

01:38:34.960 you got a guy who works at Jiffy Lube now working at the bakery counter.

01:38:38.760 You said that a bit. 0.99

01:38:40.980 Damn, I'm just saying, you got a guy. 0.98

01:38:42.640 It's a weird analogy. 0.99

01:38:43.660 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:38:44.220 Yeah.

01:38:44.600 What do you mean?

01:38:45.040 Like, I'm in a background, like, hey, bro, I used to work at Jiffy Lube, so I don't know how to make bread.

01:38:49.340 Is that what you're saying?

01:38:50.280 No, I'm just saying, you'll have a guy be like, hey, bro, you want, you need two quarts in your apple fritter.

01:38:55.180 Oh, right.

01:38:55.540 In your apple fritter.

01:38:58.700 I see what you're saying.

01:39:00.500 Yeah, people who don't know what's going on.

01:39:02.400 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:39:02.660 I gave a butcher working at the barbershop, you know.

01:39:05.780 Yeah, I don't need much, dude.

01:39:07.820 All I need, this is what I need at a comic club, right?

01:39:10.700 I don't need, you don't even have to be a fan.

01:39:13.760 You know what I mean?

01:39:14.340 I don't need people to go, I'm a big Bobby Lube.

01:39:16.300 In fact, there's a lot of people that don't think I'm funny at all, right?

01:39:19.300 I know that.

01:39:19.800 I don't care.

01:39:20.780 But just at least treat me like I am a comic.

01:39:26.120 Yeah.

01:39:26.440 That I belong to this place that, like, you know, it's crazy.

01:39:30.440 Right.

01:39:31.160 Well, I think that it is.

01:39:32.020 You get people that don't even know about comedy.

01:39:34.200 It's like, I'm a door guy.

01:39:35.320 I'm a bouncer, whatever.

01:39:36.500 I'm a chef.

01:39:37.380 But I was talking about the manager and the assistant manager didn't know.

01:39:40.640 And then finally the manager comes up to me and goes,

01:39:43.060 Hey, man, I heard you were upset.

01:39:44.540 I go, yeah.

01:39:44.920 I mean, I walk in here.

01:39:45.740 This is 45 minutes.

01:39:47.180 Now I meet you.

01:39:48.140 Yeah.

01:39:48.460 He's like, well, what's your problem?

01:39:49.920 And I go, well, I mean, I haven't been here since you guys changed.

01:39:53.620 I've been coming for three years.

01:39:54.660 You would think that the manager would be like, hey, this is what's changed about it.

01:39:57.740 Show me around.

01:39:58.140 And he goes, well, I could show you around now.

01:40:00.600 Yeah.

01:40:01.200 I go, it's too late.

01:40:02.820 Yeah.

01:40:03.920 Well, we want things when we want them, dude.

01:40:05.760 I got to ask you this, man.

01:40:07.660 What about Joe Biden falling asleep all the time?

01:40:09.780 How weird is it?

01:40:10.460 Do you think it's weird we continue to put him out there as like a, like as he's a normal

01:40:14.680 dude?

01:40:15.080 It starts to feel like really mean.

01:40:16.820 Don't you think?

01:40:19.880 It's a thirst drop what you're doing.

01:40:21.900 Not at all.

01:40:22.440 I'm not going to bite.

01:40:23.160 I'm not going to bite the bait.

01:40:25.420 Do you think it's a bad thing to talk about?

01:40:27.920 I just think it's.

01:40:28.880 Here, here's the deal.

01:40:30.020 Okay.

01:40:33.760 Both options.

01:40:36.080 I don't like.

01:40:38.060 But to me, one guy is still the lesser of two evils.

01:40:42.560 That's all I'm going to say.

01:40:43.520 Okay.

01:40:45.960 What do you think?

01:40:47.580 I think that it's wrong to put a guy out there who is not doing well mentally right

01:40:55.020 now.

01:40:55.320 It seems like he needs, it just seems like he's suffering.

01:40:58.560 And no matter who the person is, it's a bad look at how we treat our old people.

01:41:03.780 If we put a guy out there who it seems like has dementia, I could be wrong.

01:41:07.180 Maybe a lot of videos I see are edited.

01:41:08.960 I think so.

01:41:09.420 The other day he said, I'm going to sleep, I'm going to Betty bed right now.

01:41:13.080 Yeah, because he was tired.

01:41:14.020 That's what people, old people. 1.00

01:41:14.980 I see that too when I go, I'm going to Betty bed.

01:41:17.580 Yeah, yeah.

01:41:17.800 So it's like, you know what I mean?

01:41:18.700 You're right.

01:41:19.380 You're right.

01:41:19.740 Let's just see it.

01:41:20.580 Yeah.

01:41:21.640 If you don't know what you want at the meeting, if you don't have a game plan, he may have

01:41:28.160 a game plan.

01:41:29.360 He just hasn't shared it with me.

01:41:31.680 But I tell you what, I don't know about you, but I'm going to go to bed.

01:41:40.280 Yeah.

01:41:40.800 That's what people say.

01:41:41.920 That's a good point.

01:41:42.460 Yeah.

01:41:42.760 We talked about, we talked about at the conference overall, we talked about stability.

01:41:48.580 We talked about making sure that the third world. 1.00

01:41:50.760 Yeah, maybe it's fine.

01:41:51.380 Never mind.

01:41:52.080 I mean, if you go, hey, Joe Biden, how's life?

01:41:54.160 I'm a Taekwondo instructor.

01:41:55.680 Yeah.

01:41:56.240 Like if he's like answering questions like that, then I'd be like, oh, dude.

01:41:59.160 So you need another level.

01:42:00.380 I need another level of like, of crazy for me.

01:42:03.360 Because even when Mitch McConnell froze later, they did a cognitive thing and, and, and other

01:42:08.120 senators are like, ah, he's fine.

01:42:09.420 Yeah.

01:42:09.740 He just freezes, freeze every once in a while, dude.

01:42:12.680 Oh, dude. 0.99

01:42:13.280 If I've had a lot of ice cream, I'll fucking get all Mitch McConnell. 0.99

01:42:15.920 Yeah. 0.99

01:42:16.100 Yeah.

01:42:16.400 Yeah.

01:42:16.640 If Mitch McConnell was the quarterback for the, you know, LA Chargers and you freeze during

01:42:21.360 a play, then that's one thing.

01:42:23.140 Yeah.

01:42:23.340 But you can freeze every once in a while as a politician.

01:42:25.740 You're right, dude.

01:42:26.400 We're kind of overreacting.

01:42:27.180 I think we're overreacting.

01:42:28.600 We got some pictures that we made.

01:42:31.000 We made, we got some AI pictures of a lot of comedians put together.

01:42:33.920 Cool.

01:42:34.340 That were, of being children.

01:42:36.160 Let's check it out, dude.

01:42:37.540 Yeah.

01:42:37.860 We've been playing around with AI.

01:42:38.880 We asked it to show us scenes from famous comedians from their childhood.

01:42:42.500 Okay, cool.

01:42:44.020 Do I guess who that could be?

01:42:45.360 Oh my God.

01:42:46.860 Oh, that's so, can I, can you send me that?

01:42:49.200 We'll see what we can do.

01:42:50.500 No.

01:42:50.660 Can you send me that?

01:42:51.200 I don't know if we have a copy of it.

01:42:54.060 We have a top.

01:42:55.340 That's me, right?

01:42:56.620 That's you.

01:42:57.420 That dude.

01:42:58.060 This is AI.

01:42:58.820 What AI thinks your childhood was like.

01:43:00.500 It makes me heartwarming.

01:43:01.740 I look very handsome.

01:43:02.640 Pretty cute.

01:43:03.180 God, you were cute.

01:43:03.740 And look what you were eating too.

01:43:04.860 Go back and see what he was eating.

01:43:06.320 Wow.

01:43:06.700 Wow.

01:43:07.260 That looks like shoulder of a meerkat.

01:43:09.660 It looks very, I'm not going to say illegal.

01:43:13.400 Yeah.

01:43:13.920 But, uh.

01:43:14.560 Do I look Korean or Chinese there?

01:43:17.140 Okay, let's move on.

01:43:19.080 Next one.

01:43:20.120 Cute.

01:43:21.200 Okay.

01:43:22.320 That's you?

01:43:23.040 Yeah.

01:43:23.700 That's pretty good, dude.

01:43:25.760 You again?

01:43:26.680 That's really good.

01:43:29.780 Awesome.

01:43:30.180 Awesome.

01:43:30.260 Okay, then here we go.

01:43:35.320 Oh, that's so funny.

01:43:36.740 That is Caleb.

01:43:37.860 Yeah.

01:43:38.440 That's awesome.

01:43:39.220 Yeah, that's a great picture.

01:43:40.140 Yeah.

01:43:40.960 Shane Gillis.

01:43:41.760 Shane Gillis' Civil War.

01:43:43.180 That's amazing.

01:43:44.920 Let's see if I can zoom in.

01:43:48.340 Who is that?

01:43:51.320 Shane Gillis again?

01:43:52.500 Nope.

01:43:53.340 See the next one.

01:43:55.780 That's David Spade.

01:43:58.360 Oh, that's David Spade?

01:44:00.260 Oh, I know that guy.

01:44:01.860 It's not Fred Savage.

01:44:03.040 It's not?

01:44:03.600 No.

01:44:03.940 Do you know who it is?

01:44:05.360 Yeah.

01:44:06.720 Oh, I know.

01:44:07.600 Can I guess?

01:44:08.280 Yeah.

01:44:08.960 Sam Moreau?

01:44:09.940 Oh, that's a great guess.

01:44:11.500 It should be.

01:44:12.120 It's Mark Norman.

01:44:13.060 Mark Norman?

01:44:13.680 We can't all.

01:44:18.300 Can we guess?

01:44:20.560 Tom Segura.

01:44:21.180 Tom Segura. 1.00

01:44:25.160 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:44:25.880 That's, um. 1.00

01:44:28.020 That's, uh.

01:44:28.960 Chelsea.

01:44:29.720 Yeah.

01:44:32.040 That bike is cool, huh? 1.00

01:44:34.180 Fuck. 1.00

01:44:34.620 Who's that? 1.00

01:44:36.460 Dude, I don't know who that is.

01:44:37.300 Huh?

01:44:37.960 It's Hannah Gatsby.

01:44:41.680 Isn't it?

01:44:42.340 Yeah, yeah.

01:44:42.840 Now.

01:44:43.480 That's Hannah Gatsby now.

01:44:44.440 Who is that?

01:44:45.200 Stavros Halkius.

01:44:46.200 Oh, I see.

01:44:46.720 That's good.

01:44:47.040 That's good.

01:44:47.340 That's good.

01:44:47.620 Okay.

01:44:47.860 I'll buy that.

01:44:48.960 That's awesome.

01:44:49.600 Next.

01:44:51.500 Tim Dillon.

01:44:52.420 Yeah.

01:44:53.100 It's Timmy D, boy.

01:44:55.620 That's it for these.

01:44:56.320 And then we also asked it to show us older.

01:44:58.180 What you look like when you're old.

01:44:59.200 Okay, cool.

01:44:59.880 That's good.

01:45:00.200 You can handle it?

01:45:00.860 This is fun.

01:45:01.480 I can handle it.

01:45:04.500 Yeah, that's me.

01:45:05.500 Oh, my.

01:45:06.080 I took that photo.

01:45:07.360 You did?

01:45:07.860 Yeah.

01:45:08.340 Yeah, it sources from, like, what's out there on the internet.

01:45:10.460 Wow.

01:45:11.280 I hope you're okay.

01:45:12.820 Yeah, that's me.

01:45:13.600 We look at you making the sporting equipment.

01:45:16.260 Yeah.

01:45:16.620 And we asked it to advance to end of life.

01:45:20.360 Oh.

01:45:21.200 And what are the odds?

01:45:21.960 You were just saying earlier with you not having any legs.

01:45:23.740 Yeah.

01:45:24.440 Yeah.

01:45:25.160 Oh.

01:45:25.880 That's end of life. 0.95

01:45:26.960 How'd you lose your legs, you think?

01:45:28.700 I didn't lose them.

01:45:29.980 They're inside my body now.

01:45:31.100 Oh, they are.

01:45:31.720 Yeah, I got the operation.

01:45:32.720 Oh, that's beautiful.

01:45:33.740 Yeah.

01:45:35.120 We got old Theo.

01:45:37.120 Oh. 1.00

01:45:38.320 Damn, dude. 1.00

01:45:39.780 It's getting bad. 1.00

01:45:40.740 It's getting bad, dude.

01:45:45.240 Oh, Andy.

01:45:47.960 Andrew.

01:45:48.320 That's a cute picture of him.

01:45:48.880 So cute.

01:45:49.540 That one looks exactly like how he's going to look.

01:45:51.380 That's what he's going to look like, dude.

01:45:52.360 Yeah.

01:45:52.600 That's what Andrew's going to look like.

01:45:54.640 Oh.

01:45:56.320 Oh.

01:45:56.820 There's no way Whitney's going to look like that.

01:45:58.700 That isn't Whitney, man.

01:45:59.860 That's your ex-wife. 1.00

01:46:01.140 Is that Kalilah?

01:46:01.860 Yeah. 1.00

01:46:04.320 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:46:04.980 She's hot. 1.00

01:46:05.380 What if she moved out, man?

01:46:06.660 All right.

01:46:07.040 Let's move on, dude.

01:46:07.700 I don't want to talk about that anymore.

01:46:09.160 Oh, Joe.

01:46:10.560 But that looks like Robert De Niro.

01:46:12.100 Yeah, that's Joe.

01:46:13.440 Yeah.

01:46:15.280 Oh, that's Big J.

01:46:16.940 Big J.

01:46:17.480 Yeah.

01:46:17.960 Yeah.

01:46:18.340 He looks the same.

01:46:19.240 Looks the same, yeah.

01:46:20.320 Looks great.

01:46:22.500 Gabriel.

01:46:23.720 Oh, Gabriel.

01:46:24.780 Yeah.

01:46:25.100 Fluffy.

01:46:29.140 Oh, Joey.

01:46:29.900 This is going to be sad, though.

01:46:35.020 Shane goes, wow.

01:46:35.780 Oh, I got to be sad, huh?

01:46:37.120 Yeah, there is something sad about it.

01:46:38.580 Yeah.

01:46:38.980 You know, what's weird is we enter the second half of our lives, Bobby.

01:46:43.180 That's what I'm doing.

01:46:43.680 I'm in the last chapter right now, dude.

01:46:47.180 The last dynasty or whatever.

01:46:49.360 Yeah, it is.

01:46:50.220 It's the end.

01:46:50.680 Do you start to think, I mean, is there any, do you feel honestly, dude, like really, do

01:46:55.480 you feel like it's time for you to have a family?

01:46:57.500 Like it's time for you to.

01:46:58.820 I think it is.

01:46:59.440 I'm ready.

01:47:00.080 I'm not only am I ready for it, but it's like, I want it.

01:47:04.720 I want it.

01:47:05.320 And also, because I'm good with kids, dude.

01:47:07.100 I mean, this girl that I'm seeing now has a kid.

01:47:10.200 Really?

01:47:10.700 Yeah.

01:47:11.640 And.

01:47:12.360 How tall is the kid?

01:47:14.280 Pretty tall.

01:47:15.260 Wow.

01:47:16.180 You know, and I'm really good with him.

01:47:18.480 I, you know, we've got our kids and we talk about Pokemon and then we also do this stuff

01:47:23.760 and we play with the stuffed animals in his room before he goes to bed.

01:47:26.420 Oh, man.

01:47:27.000 And I like all that stuff.

01:47:28.520 And I think that I could be a good dad, dude.

01:47:32.240 Really?

01:47:32.560 I'm not good at the disciplinary stuff.

01:47:34.260 I'm not good at like, I probably wouldn't get up in the morning and make lunch, but 0.96

01:47:38.680 I'll pick him up from school and I think that I could have to say some wise shit. 0.95

01:47:42.320 You know what I mean? 0.98

01:47:42.800 But, um.

01:47:43.440 Yeah.

01:47:43.780 But I had, but you know what?

01:47:44.900 The love would be there.

01:47:46.360 Yeah.

01:47:46.700 I think it feels the same with you.

01:47:48.080 I think it would change our lives, dude.

01:47:50.220 Do you think it would change your life?

01:47:51.300 Yeah, I think it would, man.

01:47:52.560 I think it, I think it would.

01:47:53.700 What do you think's been the scary thing for you?

01:47:55.380 And I mean, I'm happy to talk about it for me too, but like, what's the scary thing you

01:47:58.360 think about going there, about like doing it, you know?

01:48:01.680 It's stuff I have to give up.

01:48:03.660 Right.

01:48:04.180 I got to give up Starfield and, and it's Stardew Valley and video games.

01:48:10.160 I can't play it as much.

01:48:11.780 Yeah.

01:48:12.000 Um, I think that I would have to change my sleeping schedule.

01:48:17.840 Like today I woke up at one 30.

01:48:20.880 Oh yeah.

01:48:21.220 I texted you.

01:48:21.940 Oh dude, you have this sleeping schedule of a wombat. 1.00

01:48:24.500 I feel like.

01:48:25.100 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:48:25.760 I do.

01:48:26.160 Oh yeah.

01:48:26.660 So I'd have to change that.

01:48:28.180 And I think I would change my language.

01:48:30.420 Really?

01:48:31.140 Yeah. 0.74

01:48:31.600 I'm filthy. 0.86

01:48:32.680 Yeah.

01:48:32.880 Yeah.

01:48:33.240 I mean, um, like yesterday, I, I also behavior.

01:48:36.240 So yesterday me and, uh, Jesse were, you know, how sometimes you have to take a, um, from

01:48:41.620 the rental center for the car to the airport, you have to take a tram, you know what I mean?

01:48:46.500 Yeah.

01:48:46.700 So we were one of those shuttles.

01:48:47.840 Yeah.

01:48:48.060 It was packed, completely quiet.

01:48:50.360 And literally I'm standing, me and her are the only ones standing.

01:48:53.100 And I go, watch this.

01:48:54.020 And I bent over and I ripped a fart that was so loud.

01:48:58.980 Yeah.

01:48:59.220 And it made it so uncomfortable and me and Jesse were laughing, but everyone was pissed.

01:49:03.980 They were pissed.

01:49:04.580 Yeah.

01:49:04.800 Yeah.

01:49:05.060 I mean, there was one dad that was like dying laughing because it was so loud, but it's

01:49:09.800 like, I do that all the time and I have to change probably that.

01:49:13.980 I, dude, I'd always, you always, I feel like the thing that that's like the, uh, you want

01:49:19.180 to always, everybody wants to really rip one in like a public setting, you know, let the

01:49:24.700 God speak, you know?

01:49:26.080 Yeah.

01:49:27.300 Yeah.

01:49:27.700 Yeah.

01:49:28.220 Yeah.

01:49:28.520 So it's like, um, but do you think you could really do that?

01:49:31.280 And could you live in a house where when you wake up and your wife is right there with you

01:49:34.580 in bed and then like, then if you go in the kitchen, she's also in the kitchen.

01:49:39.280 Yeah.

01:49:39.800 And also that sounds disturbing to me.

01:49:43.920 She's everywhere.

01:49:45.000 Like that's the part to me for some reason that feels overwhelming.

01:49:47.660 Right.

01:49:48.100 And also number two, I noticed because, you know, the girl that I'm seeing now, she's 0.95

01:49:55.380 showing her best side.

01:49:57.960 You know what?

01:49:58.540 That's what they do.

01:49:59.260 Yeah.

01:49:59.580 And I'm showing my best side. 0.99

01:50:01.100 Like I don't do fucking gook rippers. 0.99

01:50:03.980 Yeah. 0.99

01:50:04.280 You know what I mean?

01:50:04.660 In front of her.

01:50:05.380 What is that?

01:50:05.700 Blowing it out your nose or something?

01:50:06.820 No, just fart.

01:50:07.680 Oh yeah.

01:50:08.100 Yeah.

01:50:08.280 Yeah. 0.99

01:50:08.500 I don't do like, you know, some of my natural shit. 0.98

01:50:11.780 Yeah. 0.97

01:50:12.100 I say, you know, I, um, I, I, I show her the best sides of me.

01:50:16.980 Yeah.

01:50:17.440 Right.

01:50:17.780 And, um, and then, you know, you, what happens is you, you commit to the person and you guys

01:50:23.440 live together and that's when, oh, she's in every room.

01:50:26.540 Oh, now it's a problem that I'm playing video games too much.

01:50:29.760 Yeah.

01:50:30.140 All those things that come up.

01:50:31.520 So I'm not really interested in that.

01:50:34.000 I'm not doing that.

01:50:35.320 But are you going to let them know first, this is kind of how I live my life?

01:50:38.500 Like, that's a scarier thing as we get older is I hear from my friends who haven't gotten

01:50:42.380 married till they're older is that it gets harder to get like, like the, it gets harder

01:50:47.640 to match with somebody cause you have too many, you know, uh, but I, but when you, I've thrown

01:50:54.120 my boundaries out there already.

01:50:55.480 I've never done this before.

01:50:56.720 So I've said that like, you know, if I ever get married, we're sleeping on two separate

01:51:01.000 beds in two separate rooms.

01:51:02.940 Yeah.

01:51:03.640 And they're like, well, that's weird.

01:51:04.900 I go, I just think that it's better.

01:51:07.040 If I have to go on the road or I, you know what I mean?

01:51:09.580 Or I'm playing video games all night.

01:51:11.180 I don't want to keep you up.

01:51:12.660 Right.

01:51:13.440 And you do your own thing.

01:51:14.660 So it's like, that's that.

01:51:16.600 Yeah.

01:51:16.740 And if they don't like that, well then it's not going to work out.

01:51:19.320 Yeah.

01:51:19.880 I mean, there's just certain things that like also, but another thing that I do is, you

01:51:23.480 know, I'm like, but you know what, dude, every meal I pay for, whatever you need, you'll

01:51:27.300 have.

01:51:27.760 Wow.

01:51:28.180 Whatever you need, you'll have unlimited dim sum.

01:51:30.720 Dim sum.

01:51:31.100 And you can do whatever you want.

01:51:32.460 I will support you.

01:51:33.400 So if you were like, you know what, me and my son, we want to go to Canada for like,

01:51:37.020 and he's never seen Vancouver.

01:51:38.780 I'd fund it.

01:51:39.360 Go, go, go, go. 1.00

01:51:40.120 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:51:40.880 Right. 0.99

01:51:41.260 But it's like, don't get into my shit and tell me when to sleep, when to wake up, do any 1.00

01:51:46.240 of that shit, dude. 1.00

01:51:47.560 What do you think? 1.00

01:51:48.300 I think, yeah, I think the scary part is just like, I don't know.

01:51:53.700 I never wanted to anybody to be at like, I never, I don't know.

01:51:59.300 I always like kind of being by myself.

01:52:00.980 I always like being able to do whatever I want to do.

01:52:04.220 Yeah.

01:52:04.780 What about this then?

01:52:05.900 But at a certain point, it's pretty lonely.

01:52:09.000 Yeah.

01:52:09.400 Let me ask you this.

01:52:10.240 Could you do this?

01:52:11.660 Could you do, this is your part of the house and this is my part of the house.

01:52:18.080 And then, you know, you design your part the way you want to design it.

01:52:21.100 And every once in a while, several times in a week, we'll meet in the middle of the

01:52:25.920 house, have meals, smash, do whatever, hold hands or whatever.

01:52:30.860 But for the most part, I'm going to stay on your side and you stay on your side.

01:52:34.220 Would that be good for you?

01:52:35.820 Like a Red Rover, Red Rover kind of.

01:52:38.060 Yeah.

01:52:38.280 Like a Red Rover, Red Rover.

01:52:39.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:52:40.240 Like Red Rover, Red Rover.

01:52:41.400 I'll see you at dinner.

01:52:42.720 Yeah.

01:52:43.940 Yeah.

01:52:44.400 Yeah.

01:52:44.600 I think I could maybe do something like that.

01:52:46.400 Yeah.

01:52:46.580 But they would never go for it.

01:52:47.960 You'd have to meet a girl that would want to do that.

01:52:49.960 But I also, I have a problem sometimes with being up, like saying what I need in the

01:52:54.000 beginning.

01:52:54.900 So it's like, then things get going and it's like, I don't say what I need, you know?

01:52:58.700 And it's like.

01:52:59.660 That's what I'm telling you to do it now.

01:53:01.360 I've been trying to do it now.

01:53:02.940 Yeah.

01:53:03.080 Like this is my thing.

01:53:05.240 Also, here's another thing I say up front.

01:53:08.660 You can never say, hey, can Sunday nights be about us and not do stand up?

01:53:16.060 No.

01:53:16.420 Well, stand up will, and my business and my career will always be first.

01:53:23.020 Be first.

01:53:23.500 Really?

01:53:25.060 Like if it's your birthday, yeah.

01:53:27.620 Our anniversary, yeah.

01:53:29.160 Yeah.

01:53:29.660 If someone dies and your uncle Jimmy dies and we have to go to his funeral, I'll go.

01:53:35.180 Yeah.

01:53:35.360 If we can smoke there, I'll go.

01:53:36.860 Right.

01:53:37.400 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:53:38.920 And I also want to dress the way I want to dress.

01:53:40.840 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:53:41.280 I'm going to wear my poncho and my fucking cowboy hat, bro, but my point is that there's 0.98

01:53:46.040 certain things like that, but it's like, no, it's literally what I do, and it's who I am. 0.99

01:53:53.320 Yeah.

01:53:54.160 Podcasting and stand up and acting.

01:53:56.280 Like imagine a girl going, yeah, you can't do that movie because it's our anniversary and 1.00

01:53:59.800 you told me we're going to go to paradise.

01:54:01.180 No, no.

01:54:01.800 I'm doing the movie.

01:54:03.280 You know what I mean?

01:54:03.620 So you got to say that up front.

01:54:04.600 Do you think you'd be willing to spawn your own child to hatch your own prawn, as they

01:54:08.960 say?

01:54:11.600 I have proof, but I'm not going to tell you what it is. 0.99

01:54:14.180 My cum is strong, my friend. 0.98

01:54:16.180 Really? 0.99

01:54:16.920 So you can do it, Syl? 1.00

01:54:18.500 Strong as fuck, dude. 1.00

01:54:19.800 Wow, boy. 1.00

01:54:20.900 Boy.

01:54:21.960 Mmm.

01:54:22.460 It's good. 1.00

01:54:23.040 You got that damn yum on you. 1.00

01:54:24.160 Yeah, I got them yums, dude. 1.00

01:54:25.660 How about your cum? 0.99

01:54:27.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:54:27.900 It looks a little risky sometimes, but I haven't really gotten in there.

01:54:32.280 And, you know, I haven't gotten in there with like a, like a magnifying glass or anything.

01:54:39.340 Yeah, you don't do that. 0.99

01:54:40.060 You can go to the fucking doctor and do it, I think. 0.99

01:54:42.220 You don't have to do your own home kit. 1.00

01:54:44.000 I think you just put it under like a, um, like a microscope.

01:54:47.740 Yeah. 0.98

01:54:48.160 Can you see if your semen works well just at home? 0.99

01:54:53.660 You don't think you can? 0.51

01:54:55.020 I'm sure you can, but I just, I just never heard like a home kit.

01:54:57.780 But why drive over to somebody's place you don't really know?

01:55:00.780 You mean the doctor?

01:55:02.820 Waste a load at his house.

01:55:04.000 Okay, here we go.

01:55:05.140 There you go.

01:55:06.840 And what's the rating?

01:55:08.100 Like how much, what's the max you can get?

01:55:14.760 But that's on a chart though, is it?

01:55:17.220 Oh, normal range.

01:55:18.780 Yeah.

01:55:20.480 Um.

01:55:20.880 That's something that I think about, dude.

01:55:22.420 But you gotta still have that.

01:55:24.140 I have it still.

01:55:25.040 You gotta have some beef in the batter, homie. 1.00

01:55:26.560 I still got some beef in there, dude.

01:55:28.700 Yeah, how to test sperm count. 0.91

01:55:30.020 Oh, you can do it with water even.

01:55:32.900 Oh, you come in water?

01:55:34.520 So, yeah.

01:55:35.500 Oh, they're like sea monkeys?

01:55:36.960 Uh, yeah.

01:55:39.180 Welcome to the zoo.

01:55:40.640 Yeah, yeah.

01:55:41.620 May I take your order?

01:55:43.740 That's what I feel like the zoo would be like in, uh, in, in.

01:55:47.340 On a different planet?

01:55:48.240 Um, in, well, a different country.

01:55:51.080 I feel like an Asian zoo would be like, welcome to the zoo. 1.00

01:55:53.980 Can I take your order?

01:55:54.800 Uh, and they'd have great food.

01:55:58.920 They'd have the best food.

01:56:00.320 Um, well, the photo down there, is that what sperm looks like? 0.98

01:56:03.380 Yeah, let's get that sperm. 1.00

01:56:04.340 Let's see a real close-up look of real sperm. 0.91

01:56:06.300 Can you Google that?

01:56:08.540 High-res sperm.

01:56:12.320 Dude, that's high-res right there.

01:56:13.760 Look at that.

01:56:14.860 Yeah.

01:56:15.080 Whoa, dude.

01:56:17.100 Whoa.

01:56:17.640 Whoa, dude.

01:56:18.900 Papa got a brand new bag, huh?

01:56:21.220 Whoa, dude.

01:56:22.760 That's crazy.

01:56:23.980 Ugh.

01:56:25.460 They look great, huh?

01:56:26.940 They look pretty good.

01:56:28.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:56:29.460 Wow, it's very, um...

01:56:31.300 And the ovary looks like the sun.

01:56:34.420 It looks like one of those bosses on, uh, Breath of the Wild.

01:56:39.080 Yeah, maybe, yeah.

01:56:40.220 You know?

01:56:40.620 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:56:41.200 Or when that moon comes up, you know what I'm talking about?

01:56:43.040 Yeah.

01:56:44.040 Looks like those yellow Asian sprouts that you eat at Korean restaurants.

01:56:47.940 Oh, yeah.

01:56:48.720 Um, we had a couple news stories.

01:56:52.100 Was there anything good?

01:56:52.720 And then we'll get Bobby out of here.

01:56:54.500 Dude, how long do you go?

01:56:56.520 For podcasting?

01:56:57.200 Yeah, hours?

01:56:58.380 I do 50 minutes.

01:56:59.920 You do?

01:57:00.380 Yeah.

01:57:01.240 What is this?

01:57:02.320 Why do you do it like this? 0.99

01:57:03.700 I don't want to get to fucking hang out with you, dude. 0.94

01:57:05.480 I'm going to see you again. 0.89

01:57:07.660 Will you?

01:57:08.360 Yeah, dude.

01:57:09.600 What is this?

01:57:10.620 Why do you do it so long?

01:57:12.200 It's fun.

01:57:13.160 It's...

01:57:13.600 You're on a flight.

01:57:16.080 Look at these guys.

01:57:16.620 They want it.

01:57:18.080 What do you guys think? 1.00

01:57:20.500 Call me a bitch again. 1.00

01:57:22.420 Call me a bitch again. 1.00

01:57:23.620 Yeah, you guys did nothing wrong. 1.00

01:57:25.020 I said you showed up. 1.00

01:57:26.000 No, you shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:57:27.560 You shut the fuck up and you're a bitch. 1.00

01:57:29.420 Uh-oh. 1.00

01:57:29.940 You shut the...

01:57:30.480 Film me. 1.00

01:57:31.180 I'm Instagram famous, you fucking bum. 1.00

01:57:33.180 Famous for... 1.00

01:57:33.940 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:57:35.100 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:57:36.480 Wow. 1.00

01:57:36.840 Wow.

01:57:39.120 I'm not shocked that people...

01:57:40.600 I mean, planes are getting weird, huh?

01:57:42.960 Yeah.

01:57:43.400 People are stressed out and people are not used to being around each other in person anymore.

01:57:48.220 People are starting to get...

01:57:49.420 I think this is what's happening.

01:57:50.420 Okay, tell me.

01:57:50.880 Online, people can say whatever they want, right?

01:57:53.660 So when it gets back...

01:57:54.880 And people are online more than they're in real life these days.

01:57:57.720 So when it gets back to being in real life, people think they should be able to say whatever

01:58:04.260 they want to online, but they can't because it's not the same setup.

01:58:08.060 And it makes...

01:58:09.100 It creates this weird uncomfort, you know?

01:58:12.800 Does that make any sense?

01:58:13.820 Yeah.

01:58:14.200 What she just said on Instagram famous too, I think people are entitled too. 1.00

01:58:19.720 Like, that bitch thinks she's entitled to say mouth off like that. 1.00

01:58:23.840 Right. 1.00

01:58:24.220 I think, yeah, people think... 1.00

01:58:24.800 She thinks she's better than the people that are in the fucking plane. 1.00

01:58:27.580 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:28.000 We're all the same, man.

01:58:29.260 Yeah.

01:58:29.820 You know?

01:58:30.220 So it's like... 1.00

01:58:32.220 That's why I wish everybody should have to carry a piece of their own shit with them. 0.99

01:58:38.320 Because then nobody would think they're better than anybody else. 0.99

01:58:41.260 That's interesting.

01:58:42.660 In a bag though?

01:58:43.400 Not like out...

01:58:44.240 Like in the open?

01:58:45.140 Not think in the open, dude.

01:58:46.680 Because then somebody's gonna have a nicer bag than somebody else. 1.00

01:58:49.400 Somebody's gonna have their shit bedazzled. 0.99

01:58:50.340 Well, Gucci could make a bag. 1.00

01:58:51.980 Yeah.

01:58:52.280 How about this?

01:58:52.840 Like...

01:58:52.940 No, it's not...

01:58:53.460 No, how about...

01:58:53.920 This is the best way to go.

01:58:54.680 Somebody's gonna have a Fendi turd or whatever. 1.00

01:58:56.620 We have...

01:58:57.320 It's a law.

01:58:58.320 Okay.

01:58:58.760 Right?

01:58:58.960 It's like, you know, an Altoid box.

01:59:02.820 Yeah.

01:59:03.560 So it looks like an Altoid box, but it's see-through.

01:59:05.760 It's like completely clear.

01:59:06.840 You put your poo in there, but it's sealed. 0.97

01:59:09.180 Then you wrap it around your neck, and it's like a bling. 0.99

01:59:12.660 Right?

01:59:13.120 But everyone has to have one.

01:59:14.840 I think that would humble people.

01:59:17.400 Like, some people might have, like, things in it, like peanuts.

01:59:21.060 Mine has peanuts.

01:59:21.880 How about yours?

01:59:22.660 Yeah, but you guys use a lot of peanut in a lot of sauces and stuff.

01:59:25.940 Yeah, but...

01:59:27.000 Yours is just a solid brown?

01:59:29.280 No, I think mine...

01:59:30.180 I tend to run a specific color, like, during certain seasons of the year, I think.

01:59:34.060 Oh.

01:59:35.100 But...

01:59:35.420 Like, in spring, it's different.

01:59:36.340 But I think if you had to carry it in your hand, it would be very... 0.97

01:59:38.340 That's ridiculous. 0.95

01:59:39.040 Okay. 0.99

01:59:39.620 That's ridiculous. 0.98

01:59:40.040 I mean, it's insane. 1.00

01:59:40.820 Yeah, that lady seems like she's nuts. 1.00

01:59:42.380 On to the next story. 0.99

01:59:44.620 Yeah.

01:59:46.400 Lauren Boebert is...

01:59:47.700 I know about this.

01:59:48.480 Oh, yeah.

01:59:49.140 She's the Colorado rep. 0.77

01:59:50.220 Yeah, I know.

01:59:50.700 Somebody was yumming on them.

01:59:52.080 Somebody was handing on them yummers, baby.

01:59:54.180 Yeah, so this is the actual surveillance video.

01:59:56.420 Yeah.

01:59:57.180 Somebody was hamming on them porch milkers, baby.

02:00:01.200 God, huh?

02:00:03.460 Do you think she should apologize for this?

02:00:06.160 No.

02:00:06.740 It's another...

02:00:07.260 Here's another thing.

02:00:07.900 Let me say something, okay?

02:00:08.760 It's another thing of entitlement.

02:00:11.540 She's like, I'm a congresswoman.

02:00:13.180 I can vape.

02:00:14.000 Because she's vaped in there, too, right? 1.00

02:00:16.040 I can vape in there.

02:00:17.400 I can mouth off.

02:00:18.800 You know what I mean?

02:00:19.280 I'm above everyone else.

02:00:21.000 I can behave in a way that's out of pocket just because I'm a congresswoman.

02:00:27.280 But do you think she should be able to get her breasts felt in public? 1.00

02:00:30.380 That's not out of line.

02:00:31.500 If her and the man want to consensually do it in the dark, especially... 0.99

02:00:33.920 If her titties are being rubbed in the theater, that's fine. 1.00

02:00:37.360 If that wasn't the thing, if that was the only thing, that'd be fine. 1.00

02:00:40.320 But she was acting a fool, too, like vaping and heckling, dude. 0.99

02:00:44.200 Yeah. 1.00

02:00:44.520 Wasn't she heckling? 0.95

02:00:45.620 I haven't seen heckling.

02:00:46.460 I just heard vaping and groping.

02:00:47.860 All right.

02:00:48.260 Well, that's... 1.00

02:00:49.140 Damn, boy. 1.00

02:00:50.040 She got them bomb tonsils on her, baby. 1.00

02:00:52.040 You know what I'm talking about?

02:00:53.040 Yeah.

02:00:53.720 She got them real...

02:00:55.000 Would you marry her?

02:00:56.020 I don't know if I would marry her.

02:00:57.620 I don't know her.

02:00:58.700 I don't know her either, but...

02:00:59.860 You know?

02:01:00.560 Yeah.

02:01:00.840 I'd probably...

02:01:03.940 I'd go see a flick.

02:01:05.020 Oh, so watch the movie, Beetlejuice.

02:01:06.480 Why do you want to go to a little play?

02:01:08.120 That's true, huh?

02:01:08.820 Yeah.

02:01:09.220 Yeah, I don't know if she's my type. 0.66

02:01:10.440 I don't know.

02:01:12.280 Yeah, no.

02:01:13.040 That's not my thing.

02:01:14.680 But apparently, she's got them big dippers, baby. 1.00

02:01:18.380 All right.

02:01:18.700 Anything else, brother, in the news?

02:01:21.440 There's just something going on right now.

02:01:22.900 There's a jet that's missing that just went missing.

02:01:27.620 Oh, yeah, and they're asking the public's help for that.

02:01:29.800 But that's the weird thing.

02:01:31.780 What's missing?

02:01:32.460 A jet.

02:01:33.200 An F...

02:01:33.840 Was it F-35?

02:01:35.600 Yeah, it's a fighter jet just went missing over South Carolina.

02:01:39.320 The pilot ejected safely, but I guess they just found debris of it.

02:01:45.320 Yeah.

02:01:45.580 Well, if he ejected, then he's fine.

02:01:47.020 He's probably in a four or somewhere.

02:01:47.960 The pilot's fine.

02:01:48.700 They can't find the plane.

02:01:49.880 They left it on...

02:01:51.800 Let me see it, Zach.

02:01:54.300 Yeah, this just came in.

02:01:55.860 They're starting to find a little bit of debris in South Carolina,

02:01:58.280 but they haven't found the whole plane.

02:02:00.100 But it was crazy.

02:02:00.840 They were asking the public, have you seen our plane?

02:02:03.600 That's what's crazy.

02:02:04.760 That's crazy.

02:02:05.940 Dude, it's getting to this weird space where...

02:02:10.400 Oh, did you see that Musk might charge for Twitter?

02:02:12.680 Did you see that?

02:02:14.060 Yeah, I haven't been on Twitter for two years because they stole my account.

02:02:17.440 Oh, they did?

02:02:18.160 Yeah, some guy's running my Twitter account for two years.

02:02:20.340 I can't get it back.

02:02:21.280 Really?

02:02:22.040 Yeah, and now he's selling computers on it.

02:02:23.480 I haven't been on my Twitter, and I've tried to hire professionals to get it.

02:02:30.120 Yeah, I'll give you 10 grand.

02:02:31.960 They're like, we can't do it.

02:02:32.960 You're guys.

02:02:33.560 Yeah.

02:02:33.900 Anyway.

02:02:34.860 What do you think about this, though?

02:02:35.880 Suggest he will charge?

02:02:36.920 Because he's saying this is the only way you can get rid of bots.

02:02:39.080 Is that what he's saying?

02:02:40.140 Elon Musk may flip the switch to make X, the social network formerly known as Twitter,

02:02:43.580 an entirely subscription-based platform. 0.99

02:02:46.140 I mean, that way, maybe I can get my fucking account back. 0.99

02:02:51.040 To your point. 0.99

02:02:51.420 Because the guy that stole it might not want to pay for it.

02:02:54.020 To your point.

02:02:54.580 Yeah.

02:02:54.900 That's what he's saying.

02:02:55.560 He's saying nobody's going to pay for all these bots, and if you have to, can you scroll

02:02:59.340 up some?

02:03:00.720 Musk didn't mention the timing of his plan to charge Twitter users, nor did he say how

02:03:04.640 much it would cost.

02:03:05.640 I think that's a great idea, dude.

02:03:07.980 Because it's like people can like, you know, I know dudes that like comment ship, like dudes

02:03:13.020 that like rip me apart, right?

02:03:15.080 And then like I block them, but then there's a create another account.

02:03:18.560 Because I can tell that it's the same guy in terms of the language and their aggression.

02:03:22.660 You know what I mean?

02:03:23.340 So maybe that's a good way to do it, dude.

02:03:25.660 Because apparently the advertising sales, I guess, because he's the CEO, people think

02:03:29.320 he's, I guess, maybe they don't politically align with them, or they just don't align

02:03:32.740 with them.

02:03:34.480 It says 50% that ad sales have plunged.

02:03:38.360 We're still negative cash flow.

02:03:40.740 Advertising revenue. 0.99

02:03:41.860 Maybe Twitter will go down like fucking Vine. 0.99

02:03:43.600 I don't think it can, though. 0.98

02:03:45.780 Why?

02:03:46.640 I think you got to have it stay up if people can just talk on it.

02:03:50.740 Where else would people be able to communicate?

02:03:52.860 The one I'm enjoying, Truth Social Dog.

02:03:54.900 What's that?

02:03:55.220 Is that what you're on?

02:03:56.220 Is it good?

02:03:56.800 No, I'm kidding.

02:03:57.260 It's Trump's one.

02:03:58.200 Oh, it is?

02:03:58.740 I do belong to it. 1.00

02:04:00.660 But I only do it so I can read the crazy shit. 1.00

02:04:03.380 There is a crazy shit on there? 1.00

02:04:04.860 Well, I just, I just love seeing like people go like, like, I just love the things that 1.00

02:04:09.060 people say, like that, you know, the QAnon people.

02:04:11.260 Yeah.

02:04:11.700 I like reading, reading their crazy ideas.

02:04:13.500 There's some deep stuff in there.

02:04:14.440 I don't know enough about it.

02:04:15.320 But what is this?

02:04:15.960 Go down a little bit more.

02:04:16.820 I just wanted to see one more thing that he said here.

02:04:19.460 X has other benefits.

02:04:22.700 One of the chief perks of X blue is getting verified checkmark.

02:04:25.880 But everybody can pay for their checkmark now.

02:04:27.580 I think they're saying if there's less, if he will pay for it, that there won't be as

02:04:33.540 many bots because he's trying to get all the bots off of the app.

02:04:37.000 Also, can I just say about checkpoints and stuff like that?

02:04:39.480 It's like the whole point of it was because, and I'm not, I mean, I don't care one way

02:04:44.080 or another, but it's like the reason why, you know, we, I wanted a checkmark is because

02:04:48.920 40 dudes were like making accounts with my name.

02:04:52.920 Yeah.

02:04:53.280 And I want people to know that this is the real one.

02:04:55.500 Yeah.

02:04:55.680 But now like other people are like, I want a checkmark too, because it's like a sign

02:04:58.680 of like privilege or, you know, being, but it's like, why?

02:05:02.660 Yeah.

02:05:02.820 Someone's like, my wife died in a fire.

02:05:04.320 I need a checkmark.

02:05:05.220 And you're like, you know, they think that anything, you know, I guess it's a, it's a

02:05:10.320 feeling of like, I'm important.

02:05:13.660 You know what I mean?

02:05:14.280 Like I know a comic that like never got a checkmark because it wasn't big enough.

02:05:18.380 And then like, but then now he pays for it.

02:05:20.580 Now he feels great.

02:05:21.360 But fine.

02:05:22.000 I don't know why.

02:05:22.960 Dude, let's go.

02:05:23.680 I got to eat.

02:05:24.360 This is insane.

02:05:25.140 It's like two hours.

02:05:26.820 I didn't know you've been here two hours.

02:05:30.600 You've been here one hour and 21 minutes.

02:05:32.180 That's not true.

02:05:32.940 Yeah, it is.

02:05:35.700 Right under two hours.

02:05:38.440 Hour 40.

02:05:39.260 Yeah, that's fine.

02:05:40.380 I'm going to be on.

02:05:42.300 Yeah.

02:05:42.540 Go promote.

02:05:43.360 Tiger belly.

02:05:44.380 Next week, right?

02:05:45.380 Yeah.

02:05:45.600 Or tomorrow.

02:05:46.640 And let me see.

02:05:47.980 Next week.

02:05:48.760 Next Tuesday.

02:05:49.780 Yeah.

02:05:49.900 I don't know when it'll come out though.

02:05:51.420 It's fine. 0.93

02:05:51.920 And then also, I want to also say that, dude, I mean, I'm just so proud of your killing it.

02:05:58.680 Oh, thanks, man.

02:05:59.200 You guys are too, dude.

02:06:00.200 We're doing pretty good.

02:06:00.880 I think we're all good.

02:06:01.460 But I look at you and I go, oh my.

02:06:03.220 Like, I remember me and Andrew the other day were like watching one of your crowds.

02:06:08.900 Like, that's pretty crazy.

02:06:09.940 Yeah. 1.00

02:06:10.100 And we were like, holy fuck. 1.00

02:06:12.080 I mean, it's like, you could just tell it's a completely different deal, dude. 0.99

02:06:16.880 Thanks, man.

02:06:17.380 But guess what, dude?

02:06:18.520 What?

02:06:19.620 You don't intimidate me at all, man.

02:06:22.820 Really? 1.00

02:06:23.380 I don't give a fuck, man. 1.00

02:06:24.680 Dude, I'll fucking hide drugs up your ass, boy. 1.00

02:06:26.980 I know you will, man. 1.00

02:06:27.800 But honestly, dude, never know what happens. 1.00

02:06:28.640 I'll hide drugs up your ass and throw you over the border. 1.00

02:06:31.140 Never know what happens, man. 1.00

02:06:33.180 You know what I'm saying?

02:06:34.100 I'll say this, though.

02:06:35.400 You've been touring a lot more.

02:06:36.860 Thank you, man.

02:06:37.540 I feel lucky for sure.

02:06:39.040 Yeah, I've been touring well.

02:06:40.260 You've been touring more than you ever have.

02:06:41.800 I know, man.

02:06:42.780 How is that?

02:06:43.380 Why has that changed for you?

02:06:44.280 Because you didn't used to do that.

02:06:46.280 Oh, it's just Andrew making me.

02:06:48.220 Are you enjoying it?

02:06:49.320 No.

02:06:50.360 But I'll tell you what.

02:06:51.080 No, here's why I like it.

02:06:53.420 I like it because, you know, honestly, if I wasn't touring, I would just be like, oh,

02:06:59.840 I'm a loser or whatever.

02:07:00.780 But, you know, it's nice to go out because then you realize, because in LA, no one says 0.92

02:07:04.380 anything.

02:07:05.200 But when you go out in the world, like, people are like, I'm a fan.

02:07:07.420 And you kind of go, oh, well, maybe I am reaching an audience and stuff.

02:07:10.020 So it feels good in that way.

02:07:11.360 You know, I like meeting people and hugging them and going and talking to them like,

02:07:16.200 thank you for listening.

02:07:17.260 And, you know, and you get to like, because we do meet and greets.

02:07:20.720 I don't know if you guys do those.

02:07:21.740 Yeah.

02:07:21.840 And it's like, it's good to hug people and go, thank you so much for your support.

02:07:26.140 And it makes me want to keep going.

02:07:28.460 So it's nice.

02:07:29.140 It's cool in that way.

02:07:29.940 We had a guy that got hit by a train and I got to meet him recently.

02:07:33.500 Yeah.

02:07:33.800 He came out.

02:07:34.360 Yeah.

02:07:34.900 He walked.

02:07:35.740 He walked.

02:07:36.200 He's walking, bro.

02:07:37.580 Okay.

02:07:38.220 Walking.

02:07:38.540 Walks across a train track.

02:07:40.960 Train hits him. 1.00

02:07:42.120 Motherfucker. 1.00

02:07:42.440 Had headphones on. 1.00

02:07:43.280 Listen, I was going. 1.00

02:07:43.860 Holy shit, dude. 0.99

02:07:44.900 Got to meet him. 0.99

02:07:45.660 There he is right there, buddy.

02:07:47.400 That's it.

02:07:47.920 Rail baby, they call him.

02:07:49.780 That guy got hit by a train.

02:07:51.180 Yeah, he did.

02:07:52.120 He looks so, but I mean, he's so small.

02:07:54.720 I don't know.

02:07:55.500 I think there was more of him before he got hit.

02:07:56.900 He just kind of flew off of it or?

02:07:58.240 I don't know.

02:07:59.160 He got drilled pretty good, man.

02:08:01.000 He's an American hero, dude.

02:08:02.620 Yeah, yeah.

02:08:03.860 But yeah, you'll meet people that are calm.

02:08:05.860 People let you.

02:08:06.680 One lady let me hold her tit with the side of my arm the other day. 1.00

02:08:09.700 Biggest tit you've ever seen. 0.94

02:08:11.160 That's interesting.

02:08:11.400 You see people with.

02:08:12.300 We had one guy lost part of his skull doing something.

02:08:16.000 And he came out.

02:08:17.340 He had a hat on, but he took the hat off and you could see part of it was missing.

02:08:20.460 But then he could go like this. 0.96

02:08:22.520 And it would fucking inflate to full, dude. 0.98

02:08:25.100 No way. 0.99

02:08:25.880 Swear.

02:08:26.200 No way, dude.

02:08:27.060 Bro, we met some of the greatest people, man.

02:08:28.980 Yeah.

02:08:29.500 People are doing a nice cross stitch for you.

02:08:32.300 Somebody made me a rat crown the other day with different rats.

02:08:35.240 Also, you know, I'll be honest with you.

02:08:36.620 It's like I, you know, like we do the South or whatever. 0.99

02:08:40.860 And I go, oh shit, like I might be a redneck, man. 0.98

02:08:45.160 Because it's like they look, like I think I have that vibe. 0.99

02:08:47.900 But you guys have a lot of the same stuff.

02:08:49.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:08:49.800 Catfish.

02:08:50.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:08:50.800 You like eating pussy from the back. 1.00

02:08:52.380 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:08:53.100 Yeah.

02:08:53.600 In fact, I'm kind of redneck-y, dude.

02:08:55.060 You know, but I go out there and I go, and I love them.

02:08:57.140 It's like we hug, dude.

02:08:58.980 I feel their bony bodies against my body, you know.

02:09:02.200 They're bony, dude.

02:09:03.520 Yeah, yeah, well, it's sharp.

02:09:05.520 Anyway, I got to go eat something.

02:09:08.180 Bobby Lee. 1.00

02:09:09.060 Get the fuck out of here, dog. 1.00

02:09:10.280 Dude, happy belated birthday, man. 1.00

02:09:11.940 I love you, man.

02:09:12.640 I love you, too.

02:09:13.220 See you later, man.

02:09:13.600 This is a big year for love for you, brother.

02:09:15.360 See you later, man.

02:09:16.540 All right, buddy.

02:09:17.200 Bye-bye, man.

02:09:18.100 I'm going to keep talking to you even though you're leaving, okay?

02:09:19.580 Are you real?

02:09:20.060 Yeah, well, you're good, though.

02:09:23.040 You're going to keep going.

02:09:24.280 I'm just going to pretend you're here.

02:09:26.740 How long?

02:09:27.200 Why do you keep it?

02:09:27.680 I'm joking, dude.

02:09:28.700 Why do you keep it?

02:09:29.640 That's insane.

02:09:30.400 Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

02:09:36.280 I must be cornerstone.

02:09:41.500 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.

02:09:46.920 I can feel it in my bones, but it's going to tell you.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - September 19, 2023

E463 Bobby Lee

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