This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E545 Stavros Halkias

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00:00:30.000 Today's guest is a stand-up comedian.

00:00:32.120 He's a podcaster.

00:00:33.780 He's an actor.

00:00:34.820 He has a new film called Let's Start a Cult that he both co-wrote and starred in.

00:00:41.820 He's got his own podcast, Stavis World, and he's one of the hottest young comics in America.

00:00:48.340 I'm grateful for his time today.

00:00:50.740 I'm grateful for his honesty.

00:00:52.160 Always, no one else I'd rather be sitting down with than Mr. Stavros Palkias.

00:00:58.240 Shine on me, and I will find a song I've been singing.

00:01:06.700 Come on, Stavros Palkias. 0.62

00:01:14.560 Hey, hey, whoa.

00:01:16.260 How's it looking?

00:01:16.620 How's it going, man?

00:01:17.440 Wow.

00:01:17.720 How's it, man?

00:01:18.760 Good to see you.

00:01:19.420 Yeah, he looks so slick, huh?

00:01:20.580 Thanks, man.

00:01:21.140 Yeah.

00:01:22.260 Going with a slick back.

00:01:24.440 Wow.

00:01:27.960 You like it, bro?

00:01:29.040 Yeah. 0.99

00:01:29.940 A little fucking aerodynamic. 0.98

00:01:31.960 It looks very... 0.98

00:01:33.100 I'm trying to think of what it even makes me feel like.

00:01:35.460 I love it.

00:01:37.420 Explore that, bro.

00:01:38.360 Like a principal, maybe?

00:01:40.360 Yeah, maybe.

00:01:41.200 A principal at a very unique school.

00:01:45.900 We don't give grades, man.

00:01:47.660 Yeah.

00:01:48.780 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:49.560 You don't give grades.

00:01:50.840 There's... 1.00

00:01:51.780 Shit. 1.00

00:01:53.320 I need some... 1.00

00:01:55.640 socks.

00:01:58.200 Dude, I think it's a good look.

00:01:59.620 No.

00:01:59.900 You can't throw ankles out, dude.

00:02:04.000 You can't give...

00:02:04.540 I mean, I feel homeless.

00:02:06.240 I just...

00:02:06.580 I just felt some wind hit him.

00:02:11.800 And my first thought was, I've worked too hard.

00:02:13.680 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:02:14.680 Sure.

00:02:15.240 Sure, sure, sure.

00:02:16.780 I got the thighs out.

00:02:17.640 I give out the whole leg for free, brother.

00:02:19.100 Yeah, but you have good legs, man.

00:02:20.600 Thank you, bro.

00:02:21.240 I appreciate that.

00:02:21.980 Yeah.

00:02:22.460 And do a lot of people from your culture have good legs, huh? 0.67

00:02:27.020 I think so.

00:02:27.820 Yeah, I think so.

00:02:28.580 It's a leg, because even the pillars, yeah, it's like, that's a part of it, huh?

00:02:33.980 There's a lot of hills.

00:02:34.980 Greece is very hilly.

00:02:36.900 I think people are...

00:02:38.140 The hills have thighs, dude. 1.00

00:02:41.100 Over there.

00:02:41.920 They really do.

00:02:43.220 I think that helps.

00:02:44.360 Yeah.

00:02:45.400 Because you see a man like that, it's like, oh, this is a structural man.

00:02:48.620 Sound.

00:02:49.240 I am structurally sound.

00:02:50.960 The engineering...

00:02:51.260 You're not shaking me.

00:02:52.380 Yeah.

00:02:52.660 You're not shaking me, bro.

00:02:54.040 No, you're not like that Building 47 or whatever.

00:02:57.100 No, no, no, no, no.

00:02:58.620 Or whatever that is.

00:02:59.560 Seven?

00:02:59.860 Was it Building 7?

00:03:00.880 Which one is it that keeps falling down?

00:03:02.880 Seven.

00:03:03.660 Tower 7.

00:03:04.600 Tower 7.

00:03:05.300 Yeah.

00:03:06.280 Yeah, the one that we can't exactly explain or something.

00:03:08.660 Yeah, some guy's like, oh, it's a great time to just fucking get three blocks over just

00:03:12.760 to drop this one. 0.89

00:03:16.960 You're like, all right, all right.

00:03:18.760 Let's see what you're doing, man.

00:03:20.220 Wouldn't have happened if it was made out of Hellenic marble.

00:03:23.000 Yeah, out of some strong baklava.

00:03:25.120 Mm-hmm.

00:03:25.560 Some baklava...

00:03:26.600 You can't shake baklava either.

00:03:28.080 Oh.

00:03:28.540 As far as desserts go.

00:03:29.800 Very structurally sound.

00:03:31.060 Structurally sound.

00:03:31.820 You're right.

00:03:32.400 You're right.

00:03:34.300 Stavros Halkias, dude, you have a new movie.

00:03:37.260 The movie is...

00:03:39.260 Let's Start a Cult.

00:03:40.700 Let's Start a Cult.

00:03:41.480 Yes, sir.

00:03:42.300 And is it kind of...

00:03:43.340 Your new movie, is it kind of like...

00:03:45.700 Is it a 12 Years a Slave type of thing?

00:03:48.080 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:48.720 Is it like a Lincoln lawyer?

00:03:50.700 Like, what's the...

00:03:51.400 Those are your two references.

00:03:53.300 Or what's the arc of it, you know?

00:03:55.420 12 Years a Slave, which is like a serious slavery drama that won Oscars for the Lincoln

00:04:01.060 lawyer.

00:04:01.880 Just a middle-of-the-road Matthew McConaughey entertaining movie.

00:04:05.540 I think it's...

00:04:07.380 Which are...

00:04:07.720 They're both good movies, by the way.

00:04:08.780 Lincoln Lawyer, pretty good.

00:04:09.780 12 Years a Slave was a little long.

00:04:10.960 They could have done it.

00:04:11.580 They could have done it in eight years.

00:04:13.120 Nine years a Slave.

00:04:16.420 Seven Minute Slaves.

00:04:19.460 We didn't need to see all 12 of the years.

00:04:21.240 Yeah, dude.

00:04:21.800 Come on.

00:04:22.800 The last two years, it's like, we kind of get how this goes.

00:04:25.780 We get it.

00:04:26.400 We get it.

00:04:27.840 But yeah, what's the story arc?

00:04:29.240 You know, like, what do we expect it?

00:04:30.580 Yeah, dude, so it's way less, way, way smaller of a budget than those two. 0.96

00:04:37.040 Honestly, the movie is, I just love dumbass comedies.

00:04:41.040 Like, the stuff we grew up on, like the Sandler, you know, Spade, Farley, you know, to Will 0.99

00:04:46.340 Farrell, to all that stuff that was just like silly as shit. 0.99

00:04:49.860 You know, like the first movie I was obsessed with was Billy Madison, right? 0.98

00:04:53.760 And just like, goofy, technically a premise, but it's like, would this ever happen in real

00:04:59.640 life?

00:05:00.000 No, but we just need, it's there to just as like a skeleton for jokes.

00:05:03.920 Yeah.

00:05:04.160 And let's get goofy. 0.98

00:05:05.100 Let's get silly. 0.82

00:05:05.820 Let's get a bunch of funny people in it. 0.77

00:05:07.780 And that's what this movie is, dude.

00:05:09.000 It was like, I just wanted, you know, I wanted the opportunity to make something that I loved.

00:05:14.140 And like, I don't consider myself an actor. 0.97

00:05:16.700 I'm a fucking comic. 0.99

00:05:18.140 And comedy movies, I think, are an extension of just like, I'm not trying to make a good ass 1.00

00:05:23.120 movie.

00:05:23.500 I'm trying to make a fun time, 90 minutes.

00:05:27.480 And, you know, I'm proud of it.

00:05:28.880 Don't get me wrong. 1.00

00:05:29.320 It's not fucking dog shit. 1.00

00:05:30.820 Like, it's still. 1.00

00:05:31.340 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:31.700 But it's not like Amistad or like.

00:05:33.940 No, no.

00:05:34.660 There was nothing.

00:05:35.400 Trying to get something else I've seen recently.

00:05:36.980 No, slavery.

00:05:37.820 Get out.

00:05:38.280 No, no, no.

00:05:39.240 I don't know what's going on with your references.

00:05:40.960 No, sorry.

00:05:41.740 Amadeus, maybe?

00:05:42.540 No, Bridges Over Madison County or whatever like that.

00:05:44.720 Sure, sure.

00:05:45.260 I didn't see that one.

00:05:46.760 The Bridge to Terabithia.

00:05:48.340 Oh, you saw that one, huh?

00:05:49.160 That's a child's movie.

00:05:50.220 I saw that as a kid.

00:05:51.080 It's about a, it's a, something happens to somebody, I remember.

00:05:54.840 I haven't seen it since I was a child.

00:05:57.940 Is it like an allegory for something wrong?

00:06:00.480 Well, someone's handicapped something. 0.93

00:06:01.800 I remember somebody was trying to do The Life of Jesse, Bridges to Terabithia, and Adolescent

00:06:08.060 changes when he befriends Leslie, the class outside of the children created an imaginary

00:06:11.240 world called Terabithia, which is inhabited by all manner of magical creatures.

00:06:14.900 Right.

00:06:14.920 So basically, no, it's not like that either.

00:06:17.460 It's not like the Bridge to Terabithia.

00:06:19.580 Yeah.

00:06:20.080 So, okay.

00:06:20.480 So it's not like that.

00:06:21.180 It's just fun, dude.

00:06:22.120 And I think like.

00:06:22.700 Yeah, funny movie.

00:06:23.200 Good comedy.

00:06:23.980 Funny. 0.99

00:06:25.180 You turn your brain off. 0.99

00:06:26.840 No lessons. 0.90

00:06:27.960 You're not going to be a better.

00:06:29.280 You're not going to be a better or worse person.

00:06:31.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:06:31.580 You know what I mean?

00:06:32.060 You're just going to have a good time. 1.00

00:06:34.120 You're just, you can get high as fuck. 1.00

00:06:36.260 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:06:36.760 Like, yeah, you can, you can make some popcorn.

00:06:39.260 Yeah.

00:06:39.400 You won't miss plot points.

00:06:40.460 You might want to go back and miss and see if you missed a joke, but you get the movie.

00:06:44.460 Right.

00:06:44.640 You know what I mean?

00:06:45.120 The whole point is like the, basically the like bullet point is what if a guy was so

00:06:51.360 annoying, his cult committed suicide without him?

00:06:54.820 Like they left him out of the, left him out of the final ritual.

00:06:58.680 And then he tries to start up his new, his own cult.

00:07:01.180 And that's the like, and so I'm just, I'm that guy. 1.00

00:07:03.820 I'm the fucking annoying idiot. 1.00

00:07:05.860 Who's just like, you know, with a heart of gold, classics, classic comedy shit. 1.00

00:07:10.060 And I just like, you know, we meet a bunch of funny people. 0.96

00:07:12.360 We have really funny comics in it.

00:07:15.020 Bobby Kelly is in it for a little bit.

00:07:16.960 Tom Papa's in it for a little bit.

00:07:18.460 Um, you know, a lot of really funny, uh, just like Wes Haney, who is the, who co-wrote

00:07:24.120 it with me and Ben Kittnick.

00:07:25.520 It was basically like me and my friends got a chance to make a movie and I was like, yeah, 1.00

00:07:29.980 fuck it. 1.00

00:07:30.420 What the fuck? 1.00

00:07:31.000 I'm like, no one, no one lets him, no one lets, uh, no one lets me star in a movie. 0.99

00:07:36.800 You know what I mean?

00:07:37.540 So you just got to do it.

00:07:39.360 So yeah, it's nice to have a movie where it sounds like you just can just go look at

00:07:42.920 a movie.

00:07:43.380 Go look at a movie.

00:07:44.160 And the jokes are like, I'm not, I'm not trying to make any commentary on anything.

00:07:48.980 Yeah.

00:07:49.220 I'm just trying to make you laugh.

00:07:51.180 And it's like that it has been, even some of my favorite movies, like towards the end,

00:07:55.100 they all kind of had weird lessons or they just kind of got like even 40 year old virgin.

00:07:59.180 It's weirdly like an allegory for virginity and like saving yourself for me.

00:08:04.380 You can read into a lot of those movies.

00:08:07.160 You cannot read into this movie.

00:08:08.760 There is nothing, there is no, there is no subtext.

00:08:13.520 There is no, it's a fat, it's a lovable fat guy getting into hijinks for 89 minutes, not

00:08:19.520 even 90.

00:08:20.440 You'll be out.

00:08:21.520 You'll be out.

00:08:22.300 And if you fast forward through the credits, we get that to 87 and a half.

00:08:25.820 You know what I mean?

00:08:26.480 That's what I'm talking about, huh?

00:08:27.420 So that's.

00:08:28.280 Nothing like a thick guy coming in short, you know?

00:08:30.760 Yeah, absolutely.

00:08:32.040 Absolutely.

00:08:32.920 Okay.

00:08:33.200 So I get the movie and they, we, they need good comedy.

00:08:35.380 It's like, you need it.

00:08:36.300 It's like, you go to a thing now and it's like, yeah, some stuff, it doesn't even make

00:08:40.340 you laugh.

00:08:40.880 You're like, what is this about or whatever?

00:08:42.780 And then like everybody at the end is kind of like handicapped or something at the end.

00:08:47.100 You're like, what is this?

00:08:48.720 You know, it's like Elliot gets a rainbow or something.

00:08:51.660 You're like, what is this?

00:08:52.580 It's not.

00:08:53.140 You know, and it's like the guy always has a heart transplant, but his new heart is, um,

00:08:58.100 right.

00:08:58.540 Like, yeah, it's like a libertarian or something. 0.98

00:09:01.280 So now he's like, I'm going to kill myself because I would rather, I would rather die 0.81

00:09:06.400 than have a heart that's against public school systems or something.

00:09:10.200 You know, no one will be committing seppuku at the end of this movie for their political

00:09:15.260 bleeds.

00:09:15.960 It's called, it's called homeschool heart.

00:09:18.440 That movie, it's a movie where somebody gets our transplant and that heart was a homeschool

00:09:24.360 teacher.

00:09:26.040 That would be fun.

00:09:27.720 Yeah.

00:09:28.420 Yeah.

00:09:28.740 It's either, it's either, it's like both, it's like, and even independent movies, it's

00:09:32.680 like, I don't know.

00:09:34.100 Cause I, you know, I'd love to talk about just more comedy stuff too, but yeah.

00:09:37.940 But this is interesting because it's a new time where someone is making their own film.

00:09:41.600 Well, that's, that's the thing, dude.

00:09:42.680 It's like, I don't know how you feel, but I feel like I hit the jackpot of all jackpots,

00:09:47.460 right? 0.97

00:09:47.860 Like I never thought I'd be fucking podcasting. 0.98

00:09:50.900 You know what I mean? 0.98

00:09:51.560 Like I wanted to just do comedy.

00:09:54.240 I never thought I would have to like build my own fan base to just like make a living

00:09:59.860 and then like got really lucky.

00:10:02.320 And, and like, so when you get lucky, what do you do with it?

00:10:05.680 And it's like, I've never been the kind of person that just wants to chase.

00:10:08.760 I don't want to get super famous.

00:10:09.940 I don't want to get super rich. 0.97

00:10:11.280 I want to be able to make the stuff I fucking love. 0.95

00:10:13.720 And like, that's what this was. 0.85

00:10:14.920 It's like, I think, you know, there's some people who like, we have a chance, like building

00:10:19.300 our own fan bases where it's like, we can make what we like.

00:10:22.600 Yeah.

00:10:22.880 And instead of trying to desperately get into like a mainstream studio system or, you know,

00:10:30.020 not that I won't make a fucking, you know, so, you know, studio, once you make a movie, 0.80

00:10:34.360 I'd love to do it. 0.98

00:10:34.920 But instead of like waiting for years, like, I think, I don't know.

00:10:39.160 I think a bunch of like a generation of comics found out you can go through the internet,

00:10:44.940 make up a fan base.

00:10:45.920 And then it's like, what do you want to do with it? 0.99

00:10:47.560 And for me, it's like, let me just fucking do, make a fucking movie. 0.99

00:10:52.220 Like, no, the way no one, the way no one, it's stupid that I get to like sell out theaters. 1.00

00:10:58.600 It's stupid. 1.00

00:10:59.440 I get to make movies, but that's what I want to fucking do. 1.00

00:11:02.220 And instead of just like being broke and trying to be an actor and all this other shit, it was 0.99

00:11:05.640 like, I know at least some people will see it. 0.83

00:11:08.020 My fans will see it.

00:11:08.800 Hopefully, you know, some of your fans will see it.

00:11:10.460 Like, that's the cool thing about building like a network where it's like, you just hit

00:11:13.540 up your friends.

00:11:14.460 It's like, I'm not on, I got on NPR because the lady liked my movie, like a lady on the

00:11:19.320 weekend thing liked my movie, but it's like, we don't even have a mainstream way to, to

00:11:23.780 put it out there.

00:11:24.400 So I don't know, man.

00:11:25.560 I just think it's cool. 1.00

00:11:26.340 And it would be sick if people just started doing that shit. 0.99

00:11:29.300 If you started doing whatever you're passionate about, because you have this fan base and you've 1.00

00:11:33.700 built your own thing and tires is like that.

00:11:36.060 That was really inspiring.

00:11:36.860 That was the best thing.

00:11:37.540 Yeah, it was, that was one, something amazing about tires.

00:11:39.580 It was like, you heard jokes on there for the first time.

00:11:41.680 There was jokes about everybody.

00:11:42.920 Yeah.

00:11:43.220 And it was just normal stuff.

00:11:44.820 You would probably hear at a very alarming rubber shop.

00:11:49.920 Yeah.

00:11:50.320 Yeah.

00:11:50.540 Yeah.

00:11:50.740 It's a bad time.

00:11:51.700 You know, you're like, God, this place.

00:11:54.140 Exactly.

00:11:54.720 And it's like, no one's saying that that's the only comedy that has to exist.

00:11:58.620 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:11:59.220 I want to see shit from everybody, but it's like, go make your own shit. 1.00

00:12:02.920 Everybody gets to make their own shit. 1.00

00:12:04.220 So that's why my version of that is just like a goofy ass. 1.00

00:12:08.760 Let's start a cult. 0.99

00:12:09.720 Let's start a cult.

00:12:10.500 And it's on VOD.

00:12:11.340 You can rent it, rent it or buy it right now.

00:12:13.660 You can do that right now.

00:12:14.480 By the time this is out, it'll be, you can go rent it.

00:12:16.580 You can go buy it.

00:12:16.940 Right now they can get it.

00:12:17.760 Yeah.

00:12:17.940 And it's like, and it's like.

00:12:19.020 And so VOD, like, what is that?

00:12:20.080 So I know it means video on a man, but where?

00:12:21.760 Like, what does that mean?

00:12:22.380 Apple, Amazon, just wherever you rent.

00:12:24.100 So you can go to Amazon.

00:12:25.140 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:25.600 Put in Let's Start a Cult and you can watch a movie.

00:12:28.200 Exactly.

00:12:28.460 And now what's that price point?

00:12:29.700 How do y'all figure that out?

00:12:30.540 I don't actually know, but hopefully low.

00:12:32.960 I'm trying to get it out there.

00:12:34.260 I was trying to get there.

00:12:35.740 And what do you mean low?

00:12:36.360 Are you talking $9.99?

00:12:38.140 Yeah, probably.

00:12:38.780 Maybe lower even than that.

00:12:39.780 Well, that's.

00:12:40.500 Yeah.

00:12:41.260 I just want people to see it.

00:12:42.320 Yeah, but you don't want.

00:12:42.860 Yeah, yeah.

00:12:43.260 I get that.

00:12:44.080 But you're right.

00:12:44.520 I think probably $9.99.

00:12:45.980 If somebody's like, I can get this or I can get some McNuggets.

00:12:50.200 It's not that they're going to debate between the two.

00:12:52.680 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:53.360 But then they're kind of like, hey, I want both for $14.99.

00:12:56.100 Right.

00:12:56.720 So you kind of want to fit in there.

00:12:57.600 Maybe we should talk to McDonald's.

00:12:59.300 Maybe we should do.

00:13:00.140 We could do a tie-in.

00:13:01.360 Yeah.

00:13:01.820 Do you remember those glass cups for Batman?

00:13:04.040 You remember those, dude?

00:13:04.780 Those were sick.

00:13:05.480 Uh-uh.

00:13:06.700 Batman.

00:13:07.020 I believe Batman Forever, which was not a good movie.

00:13:09.820 It was like the Jim Carrey.

00:13:11.880 Oh, I forgot that he was Batman.

00:13:13.400 No, no.

00:13:13.680 He was the Riddler.

00:13:15.060 Oh, he was the Riddler?

00:13:16.040 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:16.660 They had those glass cups.

00:13:18.240 Oh, wait.

00:13:18.600 With the-

00:13:18.880 Those, yes.

00:13:20.740 Oh, yeah.

00:13:21.260 You remember those, dude?

00:13:22.120 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:13:22.780 I had the fuck out of those. 0.89

00:13:23.960 The Two-Face ones? 1.00

00:13:25.000 But one loser shattered one of those in the fucking ball pit. 1.00

00:13:28.500 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:13:30.000 And ruined it.

00:13:31.080 Yeah.

00:13:31.440 Oh.

00:13:31.840 People were dealing with that.

00:13:32.880 Yeah, that one.

00:13:33.680 That one's an iconic one.

00:13:34.980 The Tommy Lee Jones one. 0.97

00:13:36.660 That movie was fucking awesome. 0.89

00:13:37.900 And the one after it with Mr. Freeze was even more awesome. 0.96

00:13:40.960 They had Joel Schumacher, who was just like the gayest guy of all time. 1.00

00:13:44.880 He's the man. 0.99

00:13:45.420 He's a great director, but he made it fun as shit. 0.99

00:13:47.920 Like those movies sucked coming off the Tim Burton Batmans because they were like, went 0.99

00:13:51.800 from dark and like moody and kind of cool and comic book-y to like truly the campiest.

00:13:57.500 It was like essentially Batman going to like drag brunch.

00:14:00.360 Yeah.

00:14:00.740 And like people weren't ready for that now, but throw those on now.

00:14:04.060 You'll have a great time.

00:14:04.960 You'll be like, wow, this is so over the top, but it's fun, dude.

00:14:09.340 You know what I mean?

00:14:10.040 Like they got jacked guys. 0.97

00:14:11.160 They got sexy ladies just parading around. 1.00

00:14:13.680 It's very fun.

00:14:15.100 Alicia Silverstone's Batwoman, Batgirl.

00:14:17.540 Oh, I remember her.

00:14:18.500 She's looking pretty good.

00:14:19.860 When did this happen?

00:14:20.900 Because I saw the one with Hugh Ledger.

00:14:24.980 Heath Ledger?

00:14:25.700 Heath Ledger.

00:14:26.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:14:26.820 And then I saw the one where it was like the two old guys in the cave running around,

00:14:31.920 you know?

00:14:32.640 Remember that one?

00:14:33.500 I don't remember that one.

00:14:34.560 Batman and Robin.

00:14:35.220 Oh, Batman versus Superman?

00:14:37.340 No.

00:14:37.600 Were they like a rock or something?

00:14:38.840 Batman and Robin.

00:14:39.720 Yeah.

00:14:39.940 Can you bring that up? 0.99

00:14:40.940 Oh, you mean like the old ass ones? 0.98

00:14:43.800 Yeah. 0.99

00:14:43.980 The one where they're like running around in the same cave over and over again.

00:14:47.200 With Adam West?

00:14:48.160 Yeah.

00:14:48.460 And one of the guys.

00:14:48.920 Oh, there you go.

00:14:49.640 Yeah.

00:14:49.980 And one of the guys is like, I'm Batman.

00:14:51.740 And the other guy was like, I'm just here, you know?

00:14:53.740 Yeah, yeah.

00:14:54.360 I'm here for the party.

00:14:56.340 That guy.

00:14:56.700 Well, they were actually part. 1.00

00:14:59.560 Adam West was absolutely getting pussy in this era. 1.00

00:15:04.320 He's like notorious for fucking and sucking. 1.00

00:15:06.900 Really? 1.00

00:15:07.300 In this time.

00:15:07.700 Yeah.

00:15:07.860 And I believe.

00:15:08.440 With men too?

00:15:09.360 I don't think men.

00:15:10.280 Well, I don't know. 1.00

00:15:10.860 Is that a long pussy? 1.00

00:15:11.680 I don't know. 1.00

00:15:12.100 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:14.080 Is that what man ass is? 1.00

00:15:16.080 Is that a long pussy? 1.00

00:15:17.320 I think they call it that. 1.00

00:15:19.320 I mean.

00:15:20.320 Because, dude, if you look at it, they were, you know, wiener. 1.00

00:15:24.960 Wiener is just long pussy. 1.00

00:15:26.920 Oh, you mean the dick is long pussy? 1.00

00:15:28.960 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:29.260 Like an inverted.

00:15:30.440 Okay. 0.99

00:15:30.740 I thought you meant the ass. 1.00

00:15:31.860 Oh, yeah, dude. 1.00

00:15:33.940 A wiener is just like a pussy that's reaching for something. 1.00

00:15:37.760 Look at this guy. 1.00

00:15:38.840 Now, this just looks like any.

00:15:41.320 This looks like.

00:15:42.620 It's awesome.

00:15:43.580 He refused to shave his mustache.

00:15:45.420 So they just painted it over. 0.98

00:15:46.760 This is how little they gave a fuck about the Batman TV show. 0.89

00:15:49.580 The guy was like, I'm not shaving my mustache. 0.99

00:15:52.120 And they're like, we don't give a fuck, man. 0.99

00:15:54.440 He's like, I got to play tennis tomorrow. 1.00

00:15:57.540 I'm not shaving this fucking thing. 0.99

00:16:00.300 But Burgess Meredith, who played the penguin in this and also played Mickey and Rocky. 0.99

00:16:05.100 I believe him and Adam West were absolute coos hounds. 0.99

00:16:09.740 Yeah. 0.99

00:16:09.820 They were just fucking so much in these times. 0.99

00:16:13.480 And by that, I mean, I saw one TikTok about it. 0.99

00:16:16.640 And I love to think of that.

00:16:18.400 Well, they didn't even have condoms at this time, did they?

00:16:20.560 I don't believe so.

00:16:21.880 When did condoms really start?

00:16:23.100 They probably had them, but they weren't using them.

00:16:25.400 You think?

00:16:25.900 It was like a luxury good.

00:16:27.640 It was like a fancy thing. 1.00

00:16:28.900 They probably had like, I bet you like cavemen were like putting their dick in like sheep's 0.99

00:16:35.360 like intestines not to have children at a certain point. 0.99

00:16:39.180 Oh, just to get it out of their system?

00:16:40.860 I think they just figured out condoms pretty quick.

00:16:43.820 Condoms have been used for centuries, but became more popular at different times for

00:16:47.460 different reasons.

00:16:48.020 Because 18th century, condoms became more well-known and the market grew despite opposition.

00:16:53.720 Opposition to condoms.

00:16:55.480 That was the first time the church was like, this is unnatural.

00:16:58.580 I absolutely, yeah.

00:17:00.180 The church was against them.

00:17:01.260 I promise you the church was against them because they got a nut.

00:17:04.600 The whole point of life is procreation.

00:17:06.880 Right.

00:17:07.260 So for them.

00:17:08.380 And mother nature was probably against it. 0.52

00:17:09.900 Nature has to be, because nature wants things to have sex. 0.94

00:17:14.500 Sure.

00:17:14.920 Right?

00:17:15.200 That's what nature needs that.

00:17:16.640 Yeah.

00:17:16.860 So I wonder if nature put that in the minds of people.

00:17:20.040 Like we can't stop it.

00:17:21.540 Yes.

00:17:21.960 You mean like.

00:17:23.440 Like mother nature planted that thought into your head.

00:17:26.360 Or she's not going to let that not.

00:17:27.960 Like that's her only goal.

00:17:29.900 Right.

00:17:30.320 Is to smash and party.

00:17:31.900 But is it, is it people though?

00:17:33.220 Because people were doing her harm.

00:17:35.060 Maybe mother nature wanted condoms. 1.00

00:17:37.040 So rabbits. 1.00

00:17:37.360 So rabbits and plants and shit could fuck and bring back, you know, because we're fucking 1.00

00:17:43.400 polluting, especially if this is the 18th century. 1.00

00:17:45.940 Probably mother nature, probably she, the industrial revolution happens. 1.00

00:17:49.760 We start polluting shit. 1.00

00:17:50.840 Yeah. 1.00

00:17:51.140 She's like, these motherfuckers are no good. 1.00

00:17:52.940 Yeah. 1.00

00:17:53.160 You got to get, we got to get them out of here. 1.00

00:17:54.580 We got to get them nutting inside of plastic bags inside of pussies instead of free and 1.00

00:18:00.220 clear. 1.00

00:18:00.600 Yeah.

00:18:00.720 That's a good point.

00:18:01.500 You know?

00:18:01.660 So yeah, it started to become sort of this, um, uh, look at this. 0.99

00:18:05.680 It was like blue blockers for pussy kind of, or for, for sex, you know, 19th century. 0.99

00:18:12.180 Yeah. 0.99

00:18:12.540 Go on.

00:18:12.840 What'd you say?

00:18:13.160 We're going to say despite opposition, they were sold in pubs, theaters, and barbershops. 1.00

00:18:17.900 When the lineup's so crispy, you know, you're going to get pussy. 1.00

00:18:21.600 You're like, now this, that's, that's a good marketing ploy. 0.99

00:18:27.360 It is.

00:18:27.800 You're going to need one of these, pal.

00:18:29.340 I lied.

00:18:29.860 You were so nice.

00:18:30.880 Yeah.

00:18:31.180 Good day, sir.

00:18:32.640 And then you get a bad cut and the guy's like, ah, you're not going to, we'll save this.

00:18:37.180 We have eight for the whole city.

00:18:38.860 And, uh, by the way, wash it out and tie it back up when you're done.

00:18:43.780 These things are expensive.

00:18:46.320 I know.

00:18:47.200 You see them on the clothesline.

00:18:50.540 Those are the days.

00:18:51.660 Don't nut in it too much.

00:18:53.320 I know.

00:18:54.760 Hey, come on over.

00:18:55.820 I stole my neighbor's condom, man.

00:18:57.560 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:57.820 We'll go half on, go on half on a condom with your boy. 0.98

00:19:00.420 Tonight, tonight, Judy. 1.00

00:19:01.640 I'll be like, dude, jack off before you fuck. 1.00

00:19:04.420 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:04.720 I, you don't, I don't want the first nut of the day going in this thing.

00:19:07.360 We need the second, the weaker one goes in this one.

00:19:11.320 We got to, we got to, uh, we got to keep the foundation intact on this thing, dude.

00:19:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:19:17.080 The penis thing can't handle, it can only handle about seven PSI. 0.99

00:19:20.900 It's not rated for the first nut of the day loads. 0.99

00:19:23.980 It's not rated for that.

00:19:26.720 That's crazy.

00:19:27.740 In the 19th century, it says rubber condoms became popular.

00:19:31.340 Rubber condom use was mainly limited to the upper class due to a lack of sexual education.

00:19:36.980 Yep.

00:19:37.360 And the working class is, wow. 0.98

00:19:38.580 That makes sense.

00:19:39.380 Oh, for sure.

00:19:40.140 Like these people can barely, you know, if this guy's making shoes all day.

00:19:44.860 Yeah, he's cobbling.

00:19:45.820 Yeah, he's cobbling.

00:19:46.780 Or would cobbling be like a hierarchy job, you think?

00:19:50.720 Oh, you like, uh, you mean, you mean they're in the shoe factory.

00:19:53.760 The cobbler is kind of a, uh, an artisan, a bespoke.

00:19:57.720 Yes.

00:19:57.920 Artisan.

00:19:58.340 You're right.

00:19:58.760 Yeah.

00:19:58.940 Yeah.

00:19:59.120 He's probably somewhere in between the two 19th century.

00:20:01.900 So we're talking to the 1800s.

00:20:03.200 You still got both.

00:20:04.160 You still got comblers and shoe factory workers.

00:20:06.380 They wouldn't let them have condoms.

00:20:08.400 It's a little bit of both.

00:20:09.520 I would say where it's like the education keeps them not understanding how useful is.

00:20:13.300 So the working class has kids, working class women have to have kids earlier. 1.00

00:20:17.760 They're trapped. 0.97

00:20:18.880 They don't get to fucking, you know, I mean, it's a classic thing. 0.99

00:20:21.900 The working class always gets tricked in this fucking, it, in all of human history. 1.00

00:20:26.120 While the fucking, the barons fucking suck. 1.00

00:20:29.700 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:20:30.180 They're on their fucking couches. 1.00

00:20:31.480 They're on their chaise lounges. 1.00

00:20:32.960 Yes.

00:20:33.440 You know what I mean?

00:20:34.040 The, the, the factory workers, they don't know any better. 0.93

00:20:37.340 But then they're just letting them have sex and make more factory workers, which seems 1.00

00:20:40.840 bizarre. 0.99

00:20:41.820 Mm-hmm.

00:20:42.180 Well, that's good for, again, the upper classes.

00:20:44.700 They want disposable working class people. 1.00

00:20:47.300 Oh, I see what you're saying.

00:20:47.700 In shitty living conditions. 0.95

00:20:48.980 What do they care? 0.98

00:20:49.620 Right.

00:20:49.820 And so if the, if, if people have more kids, it keeps them in poverty because then they have

00:20:53.360 to spend and take care of the children.

00:20:54.620 Yep, yep, yep, and they get more workers and then wages go lower. 0.99

00:20:58.280 Right.

00:20:58.640 So, you know.

00:21:00.080 Keep them going.

00:21:00.680 Keep condoms just for the rich.

00:21:02.220 Yeah.

00:21:03.240 Condoms in 1950s and 1960s, condoms became a popular birth control method with 42% of Americans

00:21:08.800 of reproductive age using them for birth control between 1955 and 65.

00:21:13.840 So that's about when we're, to bring it full circle, that's when Batman, I believe the first

00:21:18.520 Batman was shot.

00:21:19.900 So they probably mixed it up. 0.99

00:21:21.680 They probably had condoms, but those guys look like raw doggers to me. 0.98

00:21:25.060 Those guys, I think Adam West, can we do a little research on Adam West's sexual history? 0.98

00:21:30.140 Yeah.

00:21:30.380 Bring that up.

00:21:31.360 I think Adam West, I think Adam West and Burgess Meredith, they're old school guys.

00:21:35.220 They're not putting on condoms unless absolutely necessary.

00:21:39.200 What do you say?

00:21:40.000 Well, look at this.

00:21:40.700 Adam West, his stories of romantic conquests, including the infamous night with eight women.

00:21:45.820 Wow.

00:21:46.280 Have become the, yeah, this man.

00:21:47.860 Part of lore surrounding his life and career.

00:21:49.300 While some might view West's candid revelations with a mixture of astonishment and disbelief,

00:21:53.560 they all start for a glimpse into the complexities of living under the spotlight.

00:21:57.640 Yeah.

00:21:57.920 Oh, wow.

00:21:58.740 Sounds baffling.

00:21:59.680 Real tough. 1.00

00:22:00.820 Got to fucking suck before smartphones. 1.00

00:22:03.660 Yeah. 1.00

00:22:03.940 The Lord knows what Adam West was up to. 0.99

00:22:05.760 There was no way he was fucking. 0.99

00:22:06.980 Well, he had that bat phone, didn't he? 1.00

00:22:08.700 Sure.

00:22:11.640 Hey, what's that?

00:22:12.320 He used it to get head.

00:22:13.640 Oh. 1.00

00:22:14.080 Mayor, give me the woman with the largest tits in Gotham ASAP. 1.00

00:22:18.140 Bring her over to my trailer. 1.00

00:22:20.340 You've got it, Batman.

00:22:22.000 He just shines that bat light just across into his neighbor's apartment. 1.00

00:22:25.620 It's his fucking dick. 1.00

00:22:26.500 He has a bat light, but he also has a dick light. 1.00

00:22:29.700 Yeah. 0.99

00:22:29.860 I don't know whether he's horny or not.

00:22:32.680 Yeah. 0.82

00:22:35.680 Bam.

00:22:36.460 Yeah.

00:22:38.240 Squish. 1.00

00:22:38.680 The crazy part was when they would fuck, like, they had to run like this or something. 0.99

00:22:46.020 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:22:46.860 Well, they would go up a wall.

00:22:48.260 Yeah.

00:22:48.580 They'd pretend to go up a wall, and they literally just put the camera up sideways.

00:22:51.540 Yeah.

00:22:51.980 It's pretty fun to watch it.

00:22:53.480 Yeah.

00:22:53.780 We need more stuff like that.

00:22:55.060 But, you know, we just need more stuff that's entertainment. 0.99

00:22:57.800 More goofy bullshit. 0.99

00:22:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:22:59.540 And no, we did not have as much sex on the, I don't think.

00:23:02.800 Yeah, is there a love story?

00:23:03.680 Is there a love arc in there?

00:23:04.780 You know, I will say there is a sex scene. 0.79

00:23:08.680 Really? 0.73

00:23:08.860 There is a sex scene.

00:23:10.160 And it was probably my favorite.

00:23:12.080 I wrote the movie, like I said, with my friends.

00:23:13.800 And so- 0.64

00:23:14.060 So, of course, you write in a sex scene, dude. 0.96

00:23:15.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:17.180 I used to have acting class, and I would just, like, we'd have to do scenes and stuff,

00:23:20.540 and I would always bring a scene where there's, like, possible making out.

00:23:24.700 That's hilarious.

00:23:25.240 And sometimes it would just be, like, two people are walking, and they're in an argument,

00:23:28.180 and then for no reason they kiss or whatever.

00:23:31.260 You wrote it.

00:23:32.100 And chicks are always like, this is crazy. 1.00

00:23:35.020 Like, yeah, it is, dude. 1.00

00:23:35.980 Janet presses her tits against Mark vigorously. 1.00

00:23:42.100 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:23:42.640 They're like, you know, don't put, don't add actions, please.

00:23:46.880 I just think it should be clear.

00:23:48.480 Yeah.

00:23:48.660 I think it should be clear it's a vigorous tit press.

00:23:52.880 Yeah.

00:23:55.080 It was, I had to, I had to- 0.97

00:23:57.700 Now, yeah, you had a sex scene. 0.99

00:23:59.180 Mm-hmm. 0.67

00:23:59.460 Wow, first one you've ever done?

00:24:01.540 Like, in a film or something?

00:24:02.780 Yeah, yeah, I think it was.

00:24:04.240 I mean, without hiding your phone on a cabinet across the room?

00:24:09.580 Without being like, oh, yeah, I don't know why that teddy bear is blinking red.

00:24:14.080 That's weird.

00:24:14.960 Yeah. 0.99

00:24:15.160 I'm going to go turn it off, and then you just put a fucking piece of black masking tape over it. 0.99

00:24:20.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:24:22.920 I'm trying to think, because I will-

00:24:25.060 Yeah, how did he take place?

00:24:26.240 Was that a nervous day?

00:24:27.780 It was weird, man.

00:24:28.560 So, yeah, there is a sex scene, and I don't want to spoil too much, but it is a wild one.

00:24:32.400 And I will say, there was an intimacy coordinator, and that's the person I felt bad for the most.

00:24:39.320 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:24:39.540 Because this person's job is, if you're ahead of a nude scene, and so if you're nude, some lady has to put a little, like, a rubber triangle around your dick and balls. 1.00

00:24:50.580 Really? 1.00

00:24:51.020 Yeah.

00:24:51.280 Like one of those bibs you get at a crab joint? 0.67

00:24:53.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:24:54.020 It has a lobster with a fork and a knife in its claws printed on it.

00:24:59.480 It is honestly not that far off from that, though.

00:25:02.160 It is just like a plastic thong, essentially.

00:25:05.960 No, and so you're naked that day?

00:25:08.660 Yeah, perhaps I am.

00:25:10.280 Wow.

00:25:10.480 That's just, perhaps I am.

00:25:11.560 I'd be so nervous. 0.80

00:25:12.920 Yeah, I mean, it sucked, and it's like, you know- 0.94

00:25:16.140 And the person's naked? 0.98

00:25:17.140 The woman? 0.87

00:25:18.240 I won't divulge who, I'll just say I'm naked.

00:25:20.960 Okay.

00:25:21.160 You know, that's, you know, and so I'm definitely nude, and one, and a woman has to tape, literally tape. 0.99

00:25:29.480 Tape my dick and balls to this fucking thing, because you want to look naked, but you don't want, if, you know, you don't want people to have to look at my dick the whole day. 0.99

00:25:37.920 So, yeah, you want to put, like, a plastic sheet over it. 1.00

00:25:40.020 But this woman's job, anytime that thing, like, slipped, she had to just, like, get in there, and just, this poor lady, man. 1.00

00:25:47.860 Really? 0.99

00:25:48.200 She had to re-tape my shit up. 0.99

00:25:50.020 And she's just, like, cutting edge with it, huh? 0.99

00:25:52.020 And she's, it's like the way, like, you know, they would tape up your ankles at a high school football game. 0.98

00:25:57.440 She had the same demeanor.

00:25:58.740 It was just, like, a grizzled, you know-

00:26:00.680 You're going to be fine.

00:26:01.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:02.780 Yeah?

00:26:03.220 I've seen worse.

00:26:04.380 Yeah.

00:26:05.360 He's a couple M&Ms, huh?

00:26:07.760 It was tough, but-

00:26:09.260 Wow. 0.97

00:26:10.060 No, dude, I fucking- 0.98

00:26:11.280 So there's a lot of little layers in the film, huh? 0.96

00:26:13.200 Yeah, there's a lot of, you know, anything, again, anything for a laugh, and I wanted, you might never get a chance to make a movie again, so it's like, let's fucking, let's leave it all out there, you know what I mean?

00:26:23.280 Oh, yeah.

00:26:24.180 And so, and the way there is always, I love, again, I used to love when there was over-the-top sex scenes in those movies we're talking about, so I was like, let's put one of those, and there's some physical, other physical stuff.

00:26:34.280 I had to run a lot, which is hilarious.

00:26:36.100 Really?

00:26:36.280 I didn't think about it, yeah.

00:26:37.580 Any acrobatics or anything for you?

00:26:39.080 I wish.

00:26:39.640 Next time, dude. 0.97

00:26:40.380 Next time, I'm going to fucking spend a year learning how to do a backflip. 0.97

00:26:46.300 Yeah. 0.98

00:26:47.180 Or the cartwheel that never stops, dude.

00:26:48.780 Yeah, that would be sick.

00:26:49.940 That Greek cartwheel. 0.96

00:26:50.640 That would be awesome. 1.00

00:26:51.400 Just fucking rattle that bitch. 1.00

00:26:53.200 Just eliminate the Albanians with it. 1.00

00:26:55.000 I would love that, yeah. 1.00

00:26:57.120 That's just a joke, Albanians. 1.00

00:26:58.220 Let's not get into it, yeah.

00:26:59.540 That's just a joke, Albanians. 1.00

00:27:00.960 That's just a joke.

00:27:01.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:27:02.160 One of my dear friends, that's the classic racist thing to say, my best friend is Albanian, which is actually true in my case, but it's- 0.58

00:27:10.360 It's like the classic.

00:27:12.340 What was that?

00:27:13.100 And what was the budget of the film?

00:27:14.660 What does it cost of that?

00:27:15.600 It was 750K.

00:27:18.020 Wow.

00:27:18.540 Yeah.

00:27:19.120 So it started at like 200K, and we did it with, I want to say, you know, Dark Sky Films.

00:27:26.320 It's a smaller production company.

00:27:27.680 They've done a lot of cool shit, a lot of cool horror movies and stuff, but lower budget stuff. 0.97

00:27:32.420 And they were just fucking awesome to work with. 0.89

00:27:34.960 They just saw a short that we did, and they thought we were going to write like a one location, because the short takes place in one place. 0.99

00:27:41.820 But we were like, if you're going to let us make a movie, we're going to fucking, there's going to be wild shit in it. 0.99

00:27:46.460 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:46.540 And so we pretty much pushed it to the amount, because it's such a weird, you also learn so much about this kind of shit, where it's like, if you go over- 0.94

00:27:55.320 What did you learn? 0.95

00:27:55.800 What was the number one thing you learned?

00:27:56.760 Do you like-

00:27:57.420 Well, I mean-

00:27:58.440 I'll interrupt you.

00:27:59.060 If you go over what?

00:27:59.900 No, no.

00:28:00.180 Like, one of the things I learned is that like, you can't really go over a certain budget, because then everything becomes more expensive.

00:28:06.160 And you have to like, you have to get like more, just like for, you know, union reasons, you have to get more people involved.

00:28:12.640 It becomes like a harder job, whereas like, the lower budget you make a movie, they kind of allow you to like, a lot of people can do different jobs.

00:28:20.000 You can, you know, obviously you have to follow certain rules, and you can't overwork people.

00:28:23.160 But there was basically like a limit where they're like, look, if you spend any more than this, we have to pay all the actors more.

00:28:30.160 We have to pay everybody else more.

00:28:31.540 And, you know, we pretty much lost, I mean, I lost money.

00:28:34.980 So you put some of your money in?

00:28:36.480 No, but like, just not working.

00:28:38.340 I took, I like canceled dates.

00:28:40.480 I like, you know what I mean?

00:28:41.660 And it was like-

00:28:42.040 Your time cost, yeah.

00:28:42.800 Totally, totally.

00:28:43.540 And like, and I'll probably lose money just like traveling to promote it and stuff like that. 0.99

00:28:47.660 But again, who gives a fuck? 0.99

00:28:49.500 It's about making cool shit. 0.99

00:28:51.000 And it's like, I'm not starting for money. 0.99

00:28:53.160 And so, but yeah, you just learn a bunch of, you know, and you also think like, you think a movie's going to be like this fucking actors fucking talking about each scene and shit like that. 0.98

00:29:04.020 And they're like, dude, we have fucking 12 minutes to get this. 0.95

00:29:07.480 And oh, it's actually the most crucial scene in the movie. 0.90

00:29:09.620 Well, good luck.

00:29:12.320 And this dog has to be asleep in a half hour.

00:29:14.980 And you're like, what?

00:29:16.020 We're putting the dog down.

00:29:17.240 Yeah.

00:29:17.640 We're putting the dog down unless you nail this scene.

00:29:20.040 I'm like, huh?

00:29:20.660 Yeah.

00:29:21.020 Yeah, it's just cheaper to put them down.

00:29:23.940 Union rules.

00:29:24.580 I don't know, bro. 1.00

00:29:25.620 Either nail the scene or the fucking shih tzu gets it. 0.99

00:29:29.280 Oh, I didn't want to kill a dog. 1.00

00:29:31.740 And you shouldn't have fucked with the team. 1.00

00:29:33.880 Like, dear God. 1.00

00:29:35.780 All right.

00:29:37.140 Do you think you'd be able to make your money back?

00:29:38.520 I think so.

00:29:39.160 We did pretty well.

00:29:40.220 You know, we didn't do crazy.

00:29:41.280 We had a release in theaters just because I just think it's important to see.

00:29:46.120 Yeah.

00:29:46.320 No, I think.

00:29:47.940 That's what's amazing about it.

00:29:49.160 It's this, you know, like we had Kevin Smith on and he's done this.

00:29:52.840 But now it's certainly that there are creators that have their own world and they want to make

00:29:59.320 a film sometimes, you know, like me and Spade wrote a movie and we have a chance to do it.

00:30:03.240 Right.

00:30:03.440 And so we're finally going to do it.

00:30:05.880 And it just took forever to get it together.

00:30:07.420 And like nobody in Hollywood wants to finance or anything, but it's cool to see people just

00:30:11.340 making their own stuff.

00:30:12.420 And so that's why I called you even last week.

00:30:14.700 And I was like, hey, tell me about this.

00:30:15.940 I just want to know because it's just brave.

00:30:18.640 You're trying something.

00:30:19.680 Thanks, man.

00:30:20.160 Yeah.

00:30:20.340 And it's, um, and it's, yeah, what you want to do.

00:30:23.340 Nobody can kind of tell you what's supposed to be on the script.

00:30:26.080 The only limitation was budget.

00:30:27.860 And for me, I think that's so much, that's so much cooler. 1.00

00:30:30.980 And you get to actually be an artist about it, not to fucking suck my own dick. 1.00

00:30:34.700 It's a movie about, you know, a fat guy and my, you see my nuts in it. 1.00

00:30:38.200 It's not like I'm fucking again. 0.99

00:30:39.480 We're not making both your nuts in the movie. 0.99

00:30:41.760 I will also mention this.

00:30:43.100 They didn't let me show my real nuts, which is a big problem for me.

00:30:46.740 Well, how much is the nuts looked little and I have pretty nice nuts foundation.

00:30:51.400 I have a nice foundation. 0.99

00:30:52.860 Truly the dick, the dick is more of an ornamental piece. 1.00

00:30:55.640 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:56.000 But it's like the little star at the top. 0.99

00:30:58.600 The dick is the nose, the lung. 1.00

00:31:00.540 The dick is the nose. 1.00

00:31:02.760 The nuts are the lungs. 1.00

00:31:04.660 Absolutely.

00:31:05.420 They go deep.

00:31:06.440 Oh, they go deep.

00:31:07.940 They go deep and they're full.

00:31:09.520 Yeah.

00:31:09.680 Deep breath.

00:31:10.380 Let's just say lungs of the heavens.

00:31:12.260 Yeah.

00:31:12.300 I got Michael Phelps' lungs.

00:31:15.240 Nice capacity on those lungs.

00:31:17.320 Nose, not so much.

00:31:18.600 Cute little button nose.

00:31:19.800 Michael.

00:31:20.040 Yeah.

00:31:20.440 Michael.

00:31:20.960 Yeah, dude.

00:31:22.040 More of a, yeah.

00:31:23.080 It's nothing a snowman would love.

00:31:24.100 No, it's not a Michael Imperioli nose.

00:31:26.680 It's very, yeah.

00:31:28.740 It's almost like a burn victim nose.

00:31:30.660 Yeah.

00:31:30.940 Right.

00:31:31.420 Right.

00:31:31.780 Right.

00:31:32.200 Right.

00:31:32.540 Right.

00:31:32.940 Right.

00:31:32.980 Right.

00:31:33.340 Yeah.

00:31:33.540 Yeah.

00:31:34.120 Shaved off.

00:31:34.780 They've made it out of a little ankle bone.

00:31:36.840 Yeah.

00:31:37.060 They took a little ankle bone and they're like, look, we'll do our best.

00:31:39.620 You've got it.

00:31:40.020 Yeah, it's kind of a Voldemort situation.

00:31:48.540 Kind of more of a cat's nose. 1.00

00:31:51.300 I've got a penis like a cat's nose, you know? 1.00

00:31:53.500 It's cold and wet. 1.00

00:31:58.660 Yeah.

00:31:59.040 I mean, I guess this kind of.

00:32:00.820 Cold and wet.

00:32:01.240 It stays up all night.

00:32:02.180 It stays up all night.

00:32:03.180 Yeah, yeah.

00:32:03.520 Wander in the streets.

00:32:04.340 It'll bother you.

00:32:05.200 It'll bother you all night. 1.00

00:32:06.160 Yeah, it'll fucking. 1.00

00:32:06.860 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:07.660 It'll fucking bat your eyes out of your face while you're resting. 0.99

00:32:12.620 It'll keep nudging you until you give it a little attention. 1.00

00:32:14.740 It'll beat a jingle bell to death on your Christmas tree.

00:32:19.620 Wow.

00:32:20.200 But yeah, but I didn't get to show my real nuts, which is a prop.

00:32:23.360 But again, these are the artistic sacrifices we have to make sometimes to get our movie made.

00:32:27.240 No one prop 24, you know, whatever.

00:32:29.040 Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

00:32:31.180 Yeah, but that is crazy.

00:32:32.100 And there's Michael Phelps has small nuts.

00:32:33.980 You cannot.

00:32:35.280 Nuts are the.

00:32:36.140 I bet you he's got a nice pair.

00:32:37.780 He's a large guy.

00:32:38.900 He's a huge guy, though. 1.00

00:32:39.960 Nuts are the fucking. 1.00

00:32:41.800 They show. 1.00

00:32:42.400 Okay. 1.00

00:32:42.960 Are you going to have big back tires on a fucking swimmer? 0.99

00:32:45.660 I think he's got a nice pair, dude. 1.00

00:32:47.080 No, he doesn't.

00:32:47.660 Look at this.

00:32:48.700 No, I will not. 1.00

00:32:49.840 I bet you just tucked them underneath his ass. 1.00

00:32:52.640 You have to almost tie them into your ass. 1.00

00:32:54.620 There is. 1.00

00:32:55.300 There is.

00:32:55.760 Okay.

00:32:56.440 There is an image, I believe.

00:32:58.660 They tried like.

00:32:59.600 Wow, look at that. 1.00

00:33:00.720 He's fucking jacked. 1.00

00:33:01.740 He's probably got a. 1.00

00:33:02.700 I mean, he's a big dude.

00:33:04.160 He's got a nice pair.

00:33:04.960 Now, I would say probably.

00:33:06.480 You know, size to size.

00:33:09.300 Pound for pound, I think I have pretty nice nuts.

00:33:11.460 Oh, yeah.

00:33:11.900 And not weight.

00:33:12.720 I'm talking about frame.

00:33:14.160 Okay.

00:33:14.560 We're not going to go.

00:33:15.660 We're talking about what my body should be on the. 0.95

00:33:18.300 Because nuts, that's a big disadvantage for the fat man. 0.99

00:33:21.800 Titties get bigger the fatter you get. 1.00

00:33:23.420 Dick and balls stay the same size. 1.00

00:33:25.360 Is that true? 1.00

00:33:26.080 Absolutely. 0.99

00:33:26.880 Dick. 1.00

00:33:27.560 My dick got plumper the fatter I got. 1.00

00:33:29.660 That's almost beautiful. 1.00

00:33:30.740 This time of year.

00:33:31.740 Yeah.

00:33:32.140 Yeah.

00:33:32.820 The leaves change.

00:33:33.980 The nuts are getting plumper.

00:33:36.020 With every slice of pumpkin pie.

00:33:37.680 People want that cornucopia, dude.

00:33:38.160 Yeah.

00:33:39.520 Every helping of squash. 1.00

00:33:41.480 Your fucking dick gets a little bigger. 1.00

00:33:43.620 No, if your dick got bigger the fatter you are, I would be 800 pounds. 1.00

00:33:47.540 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:33:47.760 I would just be. 0.97

00:33:48.540 You would have like feeders trying to get dicks as big as possible. 1.00

00:33:52.680 Yeah. 0.75

00:33:53.360 Which doesn't happen.

00:33:54.800 But yeah, I think you want those smaller nuts.

00:33:56.540 You want less drag if you're a swimmer.

00:33:58.440 That's not a big thing.

00:33:59.060 You want those Roy Jones Juniors, you know?

00:34:02.220 Dude, why don't they have Roy Jones Jr. mints?

00:34:05.000 That's a great idea.

00:34:06.440 Roy Jones Jr. mints.

00:34:07.500 You've been kidding anymore.

00:34:08.300 Yep.

00:34:08.860 They'll knock out bad breath.

00:34:10.220 Yeah.

00:34:10.760 Done and done, dude.

00:34:11.500 Yeah.

00:34:11.840 Something chocolatey that knocks out bad breath.

00:34:14.040 Yeah.

00:34:14.320 Yeah.

00:34:14.500 Yeah.

00:34:14.640 Yeah.

00:34:14.860 I love that.

00:34:16.000 Just a hint of chocolate.

00:34:17.140 Oh.

00:34:18.420 Well, so that movie is out now.

00:34:19.980 People can go check it out.

00:34:20.620 Yeah.

00:34:20.800 Please go see it.

00:34:21.540 Please go see it.

00:34:22.660 Congratulations, man.

00:34:23.420 Thank you, dude.

00:34:24.080 And yeah, I think it's, you know, it's cool to support, you know, it's obviously my movie. 0.80

00:34:28.440 I believe in it a lot, but it's like anytime creative people that you like make shit outside 0.99

00:34:34.560 of a system, I think it's kind of important to go support that shit. 0.99

00:34:38.040 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:38.380 Well, it's kind of like a new realm, you know?

00:34:40.520 And also some movies that are billion dollar movies are horrible.

00:34:44.460 There was one Ryan Gosling with and my mom and I went and saw it.

00:34:48.000 It was horrible.

00:34:49.060 Yeah.

00:34:49.400 I went and saw something the other night.

00:34:50.880 It was, um, a chance in time or something.

00:34:54.140 Can you look it up for me?

00:34:55.360 We live in time.

00:34:59.000 There you go.

00:35:00.400 Well, here's what I don't know.

00:35:01.820 Is that bad?

00:35:02.060 That looks, I like those actors.

00:35:03.480 It was sweet.

00:35:04.660 It was cute.

00:35:05.380 But every shot was so close on their faces.

00:35:08.180 After a while, you're like, where's all the money they spent on set who you can't even

00:35:12.680 see the set.

00:35:13.440 So what starts to happen for me, I noticed in movies is they shoot things so tight nowadays,

00:35:17.800 right?

00:35:19.040 Like it's just this, right?

00:35:20.360 Yeah.

00:35:20.420 Yeah.

00:35:20.880 And your brain, there's no, like your imagination, if there's more going on, your imagination

00:35:26.940 has to process things on the screen.

00:35:29.300 Yeah.

00:35:29.660 So your imagination is interested in what's going on.

00:35:32.760 But if there's nothing to even really think about, it's so dumbed down.

00:35:37.140 Everything is this tight.

00:35:39.140 You're not, you're just kind of like, you just start to lose interest because I think

00:35:43.140 there's a part of you that's not working, you know?

00:35:44.900 Yeah.

00:35:45.160 Yeah.

00:35:45.320 It's like when they shoot comedies now, it's like they shoot everything so tight and it's just

00:35:48.280 about, you don't get, you don't see people's body language stuff.

00:35:52.080 They just, I feel like they miss out on a lot of things just because they think we need

00:35:56.580 it to be so simple.

00:35:58.440 Yeah.

00:35:58.740 Well, I think that is another thing that I learned about movies which I didn't think

00:36:01.920 about at all is that it is such a visual.

00:36:04.920 You think it's about the writing.

00:36:06.040 You think it's about your jokes and especially being a comic, you're like, it's all about

00:36:09.360 the writing.

00:36:09.720 It's all about the jokes.

00:36:10.240 And you don't think about like, it's a visual medium.

00:36:12.800 It's like a bunch of interesting pictures strung together.

00:36:16.480 Ultimately is what it is.

00:36:17.640 And it was interesting to like, like talk to our cinematographer and a scene that I thought

00:36:22.400 was like pretty straightforward, just two people talking kind of where you're describing just

00:36:25.960 faces. 0.98

00:36:26.500 He's like, nah, let's fucking play it. 0.99

00:36:28.840 Why don't you guys lean on the car? 0.99

00:36:30.060 Why don't we make it a little more interesting? 0.97

00:36:31.420 And like, that was a fucking sick part of it to like, yeah, cause you don't think about 0.94

00:36:35.860 that. 0.97

00:36:36.060 I just think about the jokes and I just think about my words getting laughs.

00:36:39.160 And then it's cool to watch a movie and be like, oh, you just do something with your

00:36:43.180 face and that's a laugh. 0.99

00:36:44.740 And you just fucking, you run funny and that's a laugh. 0.99

00:36:47.540 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:36:48.060 And it's like, that was a cool thing.

00:36:49.440 Again, I love comedy so much and I'm just trying to figure out every way to be funny.

00:36:53.820 And I think like, yeah, what you're saying of like making it interesting, having the visuals

00:36:58.840 being really interesting.

00:37:00.320 That's a huge, a huge, again, it's a cool learning experience.

00:37:03.900 And that's what I, I don't know if you feel this way, but it's like, that's the nice 0.98

00:37:08.240 thing about, about like learning you shit is just how can we be funny? 0.97

00:37:13.200 And like the, the time I felt the most engaged in my life was like when I was an open mic 0.97

00:37:18.660 or learning how to do comedy and it's cool to get the chance to make a movie and like, 1.00

00:37:22.900 feel like, I don't know, Dick, I'm a fucking dumb as shit. 1.00

00:37:26.520 Like, let's figure out how to, how to make all this stuff. 1.00

00:37:29.440 Yeah.

00:37:29.560 I'm a recovering Greek.

00:37:30.840 Yeah.

00:37:31.160 Yeah.

00:37:31.440 Yeah. 0.99

00:37:31.640 Oh no, I'm fucking, I'll never kick that. 0.99

00:37:35.300 I had fucking, I had a, you know, yesterday, bro, yesterday, dude, I'll never. 0.99

00:37:40.620 Sorry, man. 0.99

00:37:41.120 I thought you had some time under your belt.

00:37:42.480 No, no, no, no, no.

00:37:45.960 You know, I've, sometime I put on, uh, them nighttime underpants.

00:37:51.720 You know what I'm talking about?

00:37:53.640 Cause who sleeps naked, baby?

00:37:55.360 A criminal.

00:37:56.020 That's who, not I.

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00:40:31.060 You have an annual calendar due, which is pretty crazy.

00:40:35.320 I do, yeah.

00:40:35.560 And is that coming out soon?

00:40:37.100 That's out now.

00:40:37.500 It is.

00:40:37.940 Yeah, that's out now.

00:40:38.700 Yeah, it's the 2025.

00:40:40.380 Oh, it's already out.

00:40:41.620 You can already buy it, the 2025.

00:40:44.020 Look at the calf on this guy.

00:40:45.620 You like that, dude?

00:40:46.520 Look at the-

00:40:47.260 It's popping.

00:40:48.380 Kettlebell you're hiding there.

00:40:49.040 It's popping, brother.

00:40:50.200 Yeah.

00:40:50.500 Wow, you got that Rogan head down there.

00:40:52.640 Nuts and calves.

00:40:53.540 That's all I got.

00:40:54.320 Oh.

00:40:55.040 Nuts and calves.

00:40:56.440 And, you know.

00:40:57.140 Oh.

00:40:57.660 You know.

00:40:58.340 And is this real?

00:40:59.500 Yeah. 0.99

00:40:59.900 Yeah, I'm on fucking Mount Everest right there. 0.98

00:41:02.800 That's me. 0.99

00:41:03.640 That's some beautiful-

00:41:04.900 Some of it's real.

00:41:05.640 Some of it is the work of my brilliant producer, Benjamin Buttcheeks.

00:41:11.740 Wow.

00:41:12.020 Benny Buttcheeks, Ben O'Brien, who also directed my special.

00:41:14.920 He helps me with the calendar as well.

00:41:16.800 Oh, yeah.

00:41:17.300 Squirtember, of course.

00:41:19.220 The Get Headsby, that's you right there. 0.71

00:41:21.800 Wow.

00:41:24.920 Now, if you zoom in on those, there's a lot of fun in the backgrounds.

00:41:27.380 A lot of fun things to see, right?

00:41:28.780 The set, right?

00:41:29.680 It adds to it.

00:41:31.000 Moby Cock.

00:41:31.920 Do you-

00:41:32.680 Less Jizzarables.

00:41:34.240 Wow.

00:41:35.540 Oh, the different books on that bookshelf?

00:41:38.540 A lot of Easter eggs in here, huh?

00:41:39.760 A lot of Easter eggs.

00:41:40.720 A lot of Easter eggs.

00:41:41.620 And then we have Halloween right there.

00:41:43.300 Oh, yeah.

00:41:44.860 And this is very Chelsea Lynn.

00:41:46.860 You guys, she has a calendar as well.

00:41:48.040 I, yes, I saw that she had that.

00:41:49.720 I've been, I, uh, I've been doing a nude, this was the first thing that was successful

00:41:54.080 in my career.

00:41:55.320 Before I had anything going on, I would, I sold a nude calendar when I was like, basically

00:42:01.060 a feature.

00:42:01.700 I was opening for Bobby Kelly.

00:42:03.420 And dude, this was the first thing that ever made me money.

00:42:05.720 I've been doing a calendar for legitimately, probably, I think nine years.

00:42:10.100 Really?

00:42:10.660 Yeah.

00:42:10.840 Okay.

00:42:11.200 So you're doing it before Chelsea Lynn.

00:42:12.380 I used to print them myself. 0.99

00:42:13.760 I used to sell them out of my fucking Honda Civic. 0.98

00:42:16.160 And now it's like, and now it makes a shit ton of money. 0.99

00:42:18.580 But I would make like a couple, like back in the day, I would make a couple thousand

00:42:21.840 bucks. 0.98

00:42:22.260 And I was like, I'm fucking rich, dude. 1.00

00:42:24.740 And the headliner starts to hate you, dude. 1.00

00:42:27.140 He sells you.

00:42:28.000 That was always a thing.

00:42:29.160 The headliner and the feature selling stuff.

00:42:30.900 Well, that's why, I mean, Bobby was the man and he knew me and I was like, then, and

00:42:34.880 he was cool with it. 0.84

00:42:35.720 And I also would just like, I would just fucking sell it on Instagram and like mail it personally 0.95

00:42:40.040 to people. 0.97

00:42:40.600 Oh, for sure. 0.99

00:42:40.940 Like I had no, just like sell it out of the back of my fucking trunk at like, I would 0.99

00:42:46.500 be headlining shitty little fucking, you know, like a restaurant in Frederick, Maryland. 1.00

00:42:51.900 Oh, it'd just be 12 Polaroids of your cock or whatever. 1.00

00:42:55.660 And you just wrote a different month on each one. 0.98

00:42:58.700 You're like, but what if you only had 11 Polaroids?

00:43:00.700 It's like January, February, spring, June, July, August.

00:43:08.720 Do you ever audition other men to be in it?

00:43:11.240 Cause I was wondering if there should be more, I mean, you do a great job, right?

00:43:15.040 Thank you.

00:43:15.360 But would there ever be the possibility to creating something around the idea of getting

00:43:21.120 other men in there?

00:43:22.240 Interesting.

00:43:22.940 A diversity of body types.

00:43:24.800 Yeah.

00:43:25.580 I don't know.

00:43:26.480 I've never considered, I did think at one point to get, to make it like a,

00:43:30.700 a collaborative calendar where every month there's like a, a guest that's a different 0.96

00:43:35.620 type of person, you know, like maybe men, maybe women, some non-binary motherfuckers, 1.00

00:43:40.900 just some different body types. 0.97

00:43:42.240 Just like Sagittarius, whatever, dude.

00:43:44.420 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:45.040 Get them all.

00:43:45.820 Barbecue lovers, whatever.

00:43:47.380 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:47.780 For sure.

00:43:48.660 Some centaurs.

00:43:50.900 Oh, yeah.

00:43:51.600 Some half.

00:43:52.440 Short legs.

00:43:53.560 Yep.

00:43:53.980 Yep.

00:43:54.360 Long life.

00:43:55.520 Short legs.

00:43:56.280 That is true. 1.00

00:43:57.060 The taller you are, the quicker you die. 0.99

00:43:59.520 Is it? 1.00

00:43:59.960 Mm-hmm.

00:44:00.200 That's what I'm saying.

00:44:01.200 Timber!

00:44:01.940 Yeah.

00:44:02.280 Short people live longer.

00:44:03.440 Bring them down! 1.00

00:44:04.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:44:05.580 Enjoy all that pussy 6'6", guys. 1.00

00:44:07.980 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:08.300 Yeah.

00:44:08.900 Must be nice, dude.

00:44:10.280 Now, I'm not going to go into the obesity metrics right now.

00:44:13.340 We're just going to keep it, we're just going to keep it just on height.

00:44:16.920 Yeah.

00:44:17.840 Yeah.

00:44:19.560 I'm going to take my wins where I can get them, brother.

00:44:22.540 This ain't about me, dude.

00:44:24.000 This is not about me.

00:44:25.280 Some people say fat, some people say foundational.

00:44:28.240 That's right, dude.

00:44:29.100 Yeah.

00:44:29.580 A good foundation.

00:44:30.780 Yeah.

00:44:30.960 You're not knocking me over in the wind.

00:44:32.420 It would be cool if you got guys on there.

00:44:35.120 Just get like, you could get a lot of union workers, sure, I think.

00:44:37.920 I would love to get, yeah, you're right.

00:44:39.100 I should get more.

00:44:39.680 Lay them down?

00:44:40.640 Put some grapes on their chest? 0.99

00:44:41.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. 0.99

00:44:43.620 Dude, grapes will, that'll fucking, that'll Greek out any union worker. 1.00

00:44:47.160 Sure. 0.99

00:44:47.820 I think they're close.

00:44:49.100 I think you show them a little, you know, any of the most hard-edged union worker, you show

00:44:53.780 them a little bit of the forbidden fruit of what it can be like to be a fat, you know,

00:44:58.960 just, they would trade in a heartbeat.

00:45:01.540 Oh, some Rubenesque cement worker.

00:45:03.260 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:45:05.280 Absolutely.

00:45:06.000 That's what we should, that's what we should figure out here.

00:45:08.200 We should set up a situation where it's like, look, we got DMs coming in.

00:45:11.920 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:12.060 We're not going to be able to fuck everybody who wants to fuck us. 1.00

00:45:14.360 We don't want to fuck everybody who wants to fuck us, right? 1.00

00:45:16.780 What do you mean? 1.00

00:45:17.260 What are you saying?

00:45:17.940 I'm saying both of us, I feel like, have, I'm sure you're, I don't check my DMs too much.

00:45:23.560 Oh, you have DMs coming in, you're saying?

00:45:25.640 I'm saying.

00:45:26.140 Oh, say there's women you can date. 1.00

00:45:27.260 Young ladies that want to, you know, are attracted to a style of guys.

00:45:31.000 Older ladies. 1.00

00:45:31.200 Older ladies, across the board. 1.00

00:45:33.400 We're not going to fuck all of them. 0.99

00:45:34.800 We should be able to find, in my case, Rubenesque, you know, union workers. 0.99

00:45:40.240 In your case, I don't, you know, I don't know exactly know.

00:45:42.940 Guys that run rehabs or, you know, guys that run rehabs or, I don't know exactly.

00:45:48.500 I've been offered a couple free 30-day stays, I'll tell you that.

00:45:52.520 But, you know, little mullet guys, you know what I mean? 1.00

00:45:57.380 Theo-style gentlemen.

00:45:58.940 Yeah.

00:45:59.860 Neighbors of farmers.

00:46:01.200 Neighbors of farmers.

00:46:01.880 Yeah, they don't do any farming themselves, but they got the same zip code.

00:46:05.740 They got farmland zip code, but they don't own a tractor.

00:46:09.080 Oh, but they'll sit on their porch and look at the other guy's place and be like, oh, look

00:46:13.080 at these soil f***s over there, you know? 0.97

00:46:17.460 So, yeah. 0.95

00:46:18.720 We should be able to hand them off some of the DMs.

00:46:22.560 That's all I'm saying.

00:46:23.840 I think that would be a nice thing to do.

00:46:25.700 Yeah, yeah.

00:46:26.260 Like donate a DM to someone.

00:46:27.540 Donate a DM, almost like create love connections, you know?

00:46:30.920 Oh, I would love to see a dating site if you would put one together.

00:46:33.800 I'd love to do that.

00:46:34.680 I'd love to host a dating show, actually.

00:46:37.160 That would be awesome.

00:46:37.880 You'd be so good at it.

00:46:38.780 That would be awesome.

00:46:39.360 That could be maybe your next movie.

00:46:40.560 You host a dating show and then you find love somehow.

00:46:42.540 I love that.

00:46:43.500 A little romantic comedy.

00:46:44.860 Yeah, I remember you saying one time about like one of the reasons that you got on a

00:46:48.360 comedy was for dating, right?

00:46:49.360 A lot of guys.

00:46:50.040 Purely.

00:46:50.500 Without question.

00:46:51.240 Okay.

00:46:51.680 And I think maybe-

00:46:52.520 And is that still a good reason?

00:46:54.040 Do you feel like, like, what's that evolved like a little bit?

00:46:56.820 You know, or to get laid?

00:46:57.820 Like, does that work, you know?

00:46:58.800 And what's the dangers also of having sex in some places, some regions of the country?

00:47:05.280 The regional dangers of coitus?

00:47:07.080 Yeah.

00:47:07.280 I'm just saying, if you're ever in the bus belt, you know?

00:47:12.580 Well, you can't let it fly like Adam West used to.

00:47:15.160 That's true.

00:47:15.740 I'm definitely using condoms.

00:47:16.720 I'll put it that way.

00:47:17.620 There you go.

00:47:17.800 I guess the dangers of the bus, you don't want to get stuck in the bus belt.

00:47:21.240 Yeah.

00:47:21.600 You can have a nice visit, but you don't want to be a father that has to check in court

00:47:26.220 ordered once a month at the bus belt.

00:47:28.340 That's the biggest danger.

00:47:29.600 Especially if it's a layover to get to your child.

00:47:31.500 Yeah.

00:47:31.960 Oh, no, dude.

00:47:32.800 How many children lose out on a father because there's a layover?

00:47:37.260 Right. 0.98

00:47:37.520 Because JetBlue doesn't want to fucking fly direct to Akron. 0.97

00:47:42.280 Oh, dude. 0.98

00:47:43.520 And we just used Akron in a joke last week.

00:47:45.700 It was just crazy that you did as well.

00:47:47.360 Because we did show in Akron.

00:47:49.700 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:47:50.020 We were there at the same.

00:47:51.360 That's why I thought of it. 0.99

00:47:52.360 That was fun as shit. 0.99

00:47:53.360 That was fun. 0.98

00:47:54.080 But yeah, what are the side effects now as you see that?

00:47:56.120 You've been out in the world over there, you know.

00:47:59.380 Sure.

00:48:00.020 Glazing.

00:48:00.740 Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

00:48:02.300 You know, glazing the different.

00:48:04.700 Literal glazing, not the metaphorical, like sort of pumping somebody up.

00:48:09.060 Yeah, yeah.

00:48:09.360 You mean actually glazing.

00:48:10.680 Yeah, just.

00:48:11.180 Sure.

00:48:11.880 Yeah, or, you know, whatever they call it.

00:48:14.440 Letting it fly.

00:48:15.380 Yeah, filling the, you know, doing the manicotti or whatever.

00:48:18.180 Yeah, filling the manicotti up.

00:48:19.660 Yeah.

00:48:19.880 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:48:28.860 Absolutely.

00:48:29.580 I got you, brother.

00:48:30.800 But yeah, and what does it look like over time, do you feel like?

00:48:34.160 Oh, not good.

00:48:36.440 Not good at all.

00:48:39.120 I mean, that's something I'm facing kind of, I don't know if it's head on.

00:48:44.200 I don't know if I, it's one of those things.

00:48:46.060 There's a couple things remaining in my life that I feel like I need to conquer, and that's

00:48:51.300 long-term health.

00:48:52.400 Like, I have, I took a lot of time off and I lost some weight this year.

00:48:55.920 I lost like 45 pounds.

00:48:57.080 But in the month that I've been shooting tires, promoting the movie, doing stand-up again, 0.98

00:49:02.780 fucking, I've gained 10 pounds. 0.98

00:49:04.460 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:49:04.900 Yeah.

00:49:05.340 Because you look more organized, your body does.

00:49:07.420 Thank you.

00:49:07.940 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:08.540 It was a mess before.

00:49:10.120 It was like when you go, remember when you just, that show where they would open up random

00:49:14.660 storage units?

00:49:15.980 Yeah.

00:49:16.200 That's kind of what my body was like.

00:49:17.540 You never knew.

00:49:18.000 Once the shirt comes off, you don't know what you're going to get.

00:49:20.420 You know what I mean?

00:49:21.160 There's a little more.

00:49:22.200 Now you open up a storage unit, at least it's got some rusty shelves that all the, all the,

00:49:26.420 all the stuff is in, in little boxes.

00:49:28.320 Or some curios.

00:49:29.220 Yeah.

00:49:29.520 Like, okay.

00:49:29.940 It's a cabinet of curios.

00:49:30.840 Grandma cared.

00:49:31.660 Yeah.

00:49:32.360 Absolutely.

00:49:32.500 There's a little something, you know.

00:49:33.800 Absolutely.

00:49:35.220 I've been working out and so I still am lifting weights and stuff and I feel better.

00:49:38.900 I literally city biked over here from, from Queens.

00:49:42.780 Yeah.

00:49:42.900 Because you were a little wet when you got here.

00:49:44.120 I'm like this guy.

00:49:44.780 I had a sweat. 0.92

00:49:45.640 I was, I was fucking city biking, listening to sexy red, you know, the insects that we 0.98

00:49:50.140 trust a lot of bangers on that. 0.99

00:49:52.180 Nothing like listening to bad bitches when you're working out in my experience, because 1.00

00:49:56.560 it puts me in that, in that headspace, you know, of that, like, you know, there's something 0.98

00:50:01.980 a little more, there's something a little more, um, you know, sure.

00:50:06.080 I love she's back.

00:50:08.580 Honestly, the one about the, uh, the gentleman being outside.

00:50:12.820 I don't remember which, uh, I don't remember which one it is.

00:50:15.020 It's, it's sort of like, uh, you know, uh, an anthem for, for the gals to get ready.

00:50:20.480 Maybe it's outside.

00:50:21.660 Yes.

00:50:22.140 Outside.

00:50:22.760 Yeah.

00:50:23.040 It's basically a song about, Hey, gals, uh, you know, look real hot.

00:50:27.440 There's a bunch of sexy gentlemen outside. 0.99

00:50:29.660 And even though I don't want to fuck the guys, I could gender flip that and be like, 1.00

00:50:33.480 fellas, there's whores to be gotten. 1.00

00:50:36.200 Let's fucking put on our nice shirt. 1.00

00:50:38.040 Let's get out there. 0.99

00:50:38.860 There's opportunity.

00:50:39.560 There's opportunity to be gotten.

00:50:41.300 Yeah.

00:50:41.440 Cause I'll go in the bathroom sometimes at a bar and there'll be guys in there and I'll 0.99

00:50:44.480 yell like fucking piss and get back out there. 0.99

00:50:46.620 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:46.960 Boys.

00:50:47.520 Yeah.

00:50:47.760 Come on.

00:50:48.540 You've been shut.

00:50:49.460 You've been shut down three times in a row.

00:50:51.880 Actually, maybe go home. 0.99

00:50:53.320 And now that I think of it, you're kind of fucking the vibes up. 0.98

00:50:57.780 I just thought about it for a second. 0.97

00:50:59.920 Please leave. 0.99

00:51:01.120 Both the ratio and the vibes are being fucked up by you. 0.99

00:51:05.960 I'm more like a, like a, you pissies S grant when I'm in there. 0.99

00:51:09.280 I'll just start telling them. 0.70

00:51:10.580 You rally the boys.

00:51:11.720 Get back out there.

00:51:13.000 What do you mean?

00:51:14.360 What do you mean?

00:51:14.960 You're coked up. 0.97

00:51:15.740 You're a little queer. 0.99

00:51:16.500 Yeah.

00:51:16.820 Yeah.

00:51:17.060 Yeah.

00:51:17.260 What do you mean? 1.00

00:51:17.900 There's no way your dick works. 1.00

00:51:19.080 Remember people used to slap people like that. 1.00

00:51:21.880 That I really want to do that once in my life. 0.82

00:51:24.360 Three stoogies.

00:51:25.000 You could be in one of the three students.

00:51:26.300 Absolutely.

00:51:26.660 I would love to, I would love to do some physical comedy, but I would also love to bring one

00:51:31.520 of my friends to his senses when he's having a psychotic break with a nice, get yourself

00:51:36.400 together, man.

00:51:37.660 That would feel awesome.

00:51:39.020 Yeah.

00:51:39.200 Yeah.

00:51:39.800 Get yourself together, man.

00:51:41.080 The markets are closed.

00:51:42.440 Yeah.

00:51:44.020 And that's all it used to take.

00:51:45.520 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:45.840 You didn't have to send someone to a fucking mental institution. 1.00

00:51:48.400 You fucking popped them once in a public street. 1.00

00:51:52.780 Simpler times. 1.00

00:51:53.940 Different times.

00:51:54.540 Now, did he go home and hit his wife?

00:51:57.140 Not deal with any of the mental issues?

00:52:00.080 Probably.

00:52:01.080 We can't say.

00:52:02.140 We don't know.

00:52:02.940 Maybe it is better.

00:52:04.020 Again, on second thought.

00:52:05.180 There wasn't a lot of accurate reporting back then.

00:52:07.240 Right.

00:52:07.540 We don't know the numbers.

00:52:10.080 Do you, what was that like taking a year?

00:52:11.800 You took a year off standup.

00:52:13.200 Yeah.

00:52:13.480 Was it a year?

00:52:14.820 It was about six months, but yeah, I didn't tour from February until I had like one date.

00:52:20.420 But you still practiced or no?

00:52:21.740 No, I was, I didn't, I didn't do any standup.

00:52:25.020 And it was, it was fun.

00:52:26.960 The thing that sucks is it was awesome.

00:52:28.820 Like I felt peaceful. 0.99

00:52:30.520 I didn't have to travel every fucking week. 0.99

00:52:32.640 It's called being unemployed. 0.99

00:52:33.600 Yeah, it was.

00:52:34.320 Oh yeah, exactly.

00:52:35.020 It felt like that.

00:52:35.700 I would, I would go on long walks. 0.99

00:52:37.860 I would fucking go to, I would go to like fucking the supermarket and just see what was on. 0.99

00:52:42.360 It's like, what's on special today? 0.99

00:52:44.480 I had like, I've never heard somebody say, I'll go on long walks.

00:52:48.320 Yeah.

00:52:48.840 Through the supermarket.

00:52:49.920 To the supermarket.

00:52:50.980 Oh, to the supermarket.

00:52:51.740 Not through.

00:52:52.820 No, no, no. 1.00

00:52:53.420 I'm like, here's this guy who's fucking. 1.00

00:52:55.260 I'm pulling up to a fucking Safeway and hitting, I'm hitting all the aisles at the grocery store. 0.99

00:52:59.740 It's like, oh, what do you mean there's not a mile marker by the graham crackers? 0.99

00:53:03.200 It's the way they have old people walk through malls. 1.00

00:53:06.220 They have fat people walk through grocery stores. 1.00

00:53:08.620 Like, come on.

00:53:09.080 These are your favorite things, little buddy.

00:53:11.580 You pass the ice cream eight times.

00:53:13.580 You get, you get a lick. 1.00

00:53:14.620 You get a, you get a fucking thing, a whole halo top. 1.00

00:53:17.800 No, I would, I would fucking walk by the water and ball. 1.00

00:53:20.560 I was in Baltimore. 0.99

00:53:21.600 I would take long ass walks.

00:53:23.020 I would buy like one piece of meat, grill it up, eat it with some veggies.

00:53:27.260 It was a beautiful, beautiful, simple life.

00:53:30.380 But I also love, that's the other thing is like, and I did stand. 0.98

00:53:33.280 I was like, damn, this is awesome. 0.97

00:53:34.660 Yeah. 0.93

00:53:34.980 But I think the, the, the lesson is to not do three things at once.

00:53:39.880 It's a lot.

00:53:40.760 So I think like next year when I tour, I'm not doing anything else.

00:53:43.520 Like right now I made the mistake of going from nothing to tires, the movie coming out.

00:53:49.420 Um, uh, my back to my standup, back to my podcast.

00:53:53.080 I'm also, I have a tour that I'm announcing.

00:53:55.520 I think actually probably if it comes out next week, it'll be then.

00:53:58.040 But the dream boat tour, I'm doing a big all across, like on the water. 0.95

00:54:03.320 I, yeah, that would be fucking sick. 0.91

00:54:04.780 I should have done that. 0.97

00:54:05.560 I should have chartered a sailboat, but no, it's more of a metaphor, metaphorically.

00:54:10.120 The dream boat tour. 0.98

00:54:11.480 Can you imagine fucking chartering a sailboat to go to your shows? 0.99

00:54:17.720 That would be fucking awesome. 0.99

00:54:18.800 They're like, where is Cyrus? 0.99

00:54:19.980 Like he's on the horn.

00:54:21.480 He's on the, uh.

00:54:22.300 Yeah.

00:54:22.660 The horn of Africa, the horn of, yeah, he got caught.

00:54:26.280 The gales, the gales of November came early and caught him.

00:54:31.260 He's marooned off Vancouver Island.

00:54:34.820 Off the Seychelles.

00:54:36.460 Yeah.

00:54:36.760 He only sold 40 tickets near the Suez Canal.

00:54:40.380 But he's still gotta go.

00:54:41.560 He's still gotta go.

00:54:43.320 He's still gotta go.

00:54:44.700 Are the Greeks the blacks? 0.99

00:54:46.280 Some people say, some people say that the Greeks are the blacks of Europe.

00:54:54.200 Who are these people exactly?

00:54:57.100 Bring up someone.

00:54:58.040 Bring up.

00:55:00.780 Google.

00:55:02.380 No, people say that all the time.

00:55:05.500 I'm serious, man.

00:55:09.640 I love that.

00:55:10.580 I hear you, bro.

00:55:11.220 You'll be wandering past an olive shop.

00:55:14.420 And you'll, you'll hear the door will open and you'll hear somebody yelling.

00:55:19.040 Are you talking about your internal monologue, Theo?

00:55:22.420 Are you talking about every time you see a Greek person?

00:55:25.400 That's what you think?

00:55:26.560 I'm just saying.

00:55:28.220 There is a lot of people call them black olives.

00:55:33.460 Okay?

00:55:34.000 That's all I'm saying.

00:55:35.440 There's a lot of conversation about black olives out there.

00:55:37.860 Sure, sure.

00:55:38.220 Hey, I'll take that with pride.

00:55:40.580 Black people are the cool, they're the culture.

00:55:42.180 They make things cool. 0.53

00:55:42.860 They're the culture drivers of America without question.

00:55:45.920 In some ways, I guess that's, you know, maybe ancient Greece.

00:55:48.960 What's democracy if not the original hip hop?

00:55:51.660 Yeah.

00:55:51.840 You know what I mean?

00:55:52.320 How everything filtered out from that.

00:55:54.500 Kind of, you know, the same way.

00:55:56.360 Love it when you call me Big Socrates.

00:55:58.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:55:59.360 The same way music's been taking from black people forever. 0.99

00:56:02.560 Everyone's kind of been taking our shit between philosophy and democracy. 1.00

00:56:05.860 Put your hands in the air. 1.00

00:56:06.720 Use a Pompeii.

00:56:08.900 Pompeii, I believe, was that the Roman Empire?

00:56:11.560 Don't be a hater. 1.00

00:56:12.960 Fuck Rome. 1.00

00:56:13.920 Fuck Rome. 1.00

00:56:14.880 They took our whole shit. 1.00

00:56:16.380 Some people think it's in Greece. 1.00

00:56:19.160 So, don't kill our trees.

00:56:21.100 That is the end of public school system.

00:56:25.680 Cheaper globes.

00:56:27.320 Cheaper globes if they're from 1820.

00:56:30.600 30 countries.

00:56:34.500 They mash Europe together.

00:56:37.180 Yeah.

00:56:38.400 So, no comment on that, huh?

00:56:39.780 I say, I'll take that.

00:56:42.600 Like I said, you know, I had a joke in my special where if you think of it, really, I think Greeks are probably the most light-skinned Arabs. 0.74

00:56:50.560 It's really what we have more cultural.

00:56:53.920 We're pretty similar people.

00:56:56.280 Loud.

00:56:56.860 You know what I mean?

00:56:57.320 Like, loud, kind of flashy.

00:57:00.400 You know what I mean?

00:57:01.980 But I think people, British people loved England, or England loved ancient Greece so much that they were like, we got to make them white. 0.84

00:57:10.640 Because then white people were, you know what I mean? 0.67

00:57:13.080 Like, ancient Greece was white.

00:57:14.560 When in reality, I think we're probably light-skinned Arabs.

00:57:17.320 Yeah.

00:57:17.460 Very loud, you know, touchy-feely.

00:57:20.680 You know what I mean?

00:57:21.360 Like, it's just, it's the same vibe.

00:57:22.920 The gold jewel, you know, I'm wearing jewels.

00:57:24.600 Yeah, yeah.

00:57:24.940 You know what I mean?

00:57:25.740 Yeah, for sure.

00:57:27.380 The very, yeah, warm, intense people.

00:57:30.460 We're not, we're less, you know, I feel like-

00:57:32.280 Like grape?

00:57:33.020 What's that?

00:57:34.160 Like grapes?

00:57:35.120 Grapes is a very Middle Eastern food, isn't it?

00:57:36.820 We'll take grapes.

00:57:37.380 We'll take grapes. 0.99

00:57:38.620 Dates, all that type of shit. 0.99

00:57:39.700 Oh, yeah. 0.98

00:57:40.680 A date's nice.

00:57:41.340 And me personally, I like, I like that kind of, that kind of, that style of woman as 1.00

00:57:46.180 well.

00:57:46.360 Nice curly hair, big nose type of situation.

00:57:48.420 Oh, yeah.

00:57:48.840 Anywhere from like, you know, you go Spain to the Middle East kind of vibe.

00:57:52.620 I met a beautiful Greek girl one time in Florida. 0.88

00:57:54.960 Ooh, okay.

00:57:56.120 And got popped a couple of wiener pills or something.

00:57:58.140 This is early when the gas stations just had them.

00:58:00.320 Sure, sure, sure, sure.

00:58:01.060 You need to ask for them.

00:58:01.880 What are we talking about?

00:58:02.600 Stree Overlord?

00:58:04.260 Rhino?

00:58:05.160 This was before Rhino.

00:58:06.480 Wow.

00:58:07.220 This was like, I think these were healthy dose or something.

00:58:10.160 Yeah, yeah.

00:58:11.340 Or the last captain, I think one of them was called.

00:58:16.200 It was like, these were hopeful ones, you know?

00:58:20.320 Love it, love it, love it, love it.

00:58:21.440 And I remember I took a couple of them, dude.

00:58:23.540 And then I was like trying to make out this girl and my nose started bleeding.

00:58:28.000 Right onto her chest, dude. 1.00

00:58:30.960 Oh, what a shame.

00:58:32.800 That could have been your wife, dude. 0.98

00:58:34.100 She was so cool, too.

00:58:35.780 She's something about a curly-haired woman, dude. 1.00

00:58:37.480 I agree.

00:58:38.080 I actually, my favorite.

00:58:39.480 Yeah, you know, they're crazy if their hair had to cut. 1.00

00:58:41.340 Come out like that.

00:58:44.600 You know?

00:58:45.200 You would have been a great 17th century doctor.

00:58:49.260 Well, you can tell.

00:58:50.220 She's suffering from bouts of insanity.

00:58:52.160 Look at her hair. 0.62

00:58:53.160 Look at the wave in her hair. 0.99

00:58:55.100 My God.

00:58:56.400 Look at the printout here.

00:58:57.600 This is, she's lying.

00:59:02.720 Look how far apart her eyes are.

00:59:04.420 That's a space for deceit.

00:59:07.020 That's the deceit zone right here.

00:59:10.260 I guess she's just holist.

00:59:11.460 Let's calm down.

00:59:12.980 But they look at, it's like a lie detector test or whatever.

00:59:17.180 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:59:19.200 What else is it going to go?

00:59:20.080 Wow, the boner pills, huh?

00:59:21.480 Yeah.

00:59:22.100 Bro, I took most of my life because I just had so much anxiety.

00:59:26.020 Oh, dude, believe me.

00:59:27.440 I'm lucky that I only caught the tail end of the gas station era.

00:59:33.800 Those were horrible.

00:59:34.680 Now you can get them online pretty easily.

00:59:36.900 But I also want, in between one time I convinced, I had an old Italian doctor.

00:59:41.780 And I convinced him I had some other, I read that like, if you have some kind of prostate

00:59:46.940 issue, you can also take Cialis to like relieve that.

00:59:50.920 I just kind of read it as like, I was doing my research.

00:59:52.940 Yeah, for sure. 1.00

00:59:53.420 And I was like, dude, I think my fucking prostate's fucked up. 1.00

00:59:56.660 Acting up. 1.00

00:59:57.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.52

00:59:57.800 My prostate's acting up.

00:59:58.980 Yeah, it's picking up radio stations.

01:00:00.900 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:00:01.520 God damn. 1.00

01:00:02.000 Yeah, and he was like, and he had to put his finger up my ass. 1.00

01:00:06.360 And he realized the prostate was fine. 1.00

01:00:09.040 But then he was like, okay, I give you the cup. 1.00

01:00:12.800 He knew what I wanted, which is also like, why did you have to put your finger up my ass? 0.99

01:00:19.160 But I guess he just was hoping I was onto something. 0.99

01:00:22.360 And then he was like, listen, I give you this and no more.

01:00:25.940 But he was like, he knew I was just, I was like 20.

01:00:29.860 Yeah, short fingers, wide fingers up.

01:00:32.560 Like, come on. 0.97

01:00:34.020 He was fucking awesome. 1.00

01:00:35.200 And he just gave me a couple of dick pills. 1.00

01:00:36.680 And dude, those were like, that was my holy grail. 0.99

01:00:39.040 I had like a sample pack of Cialis. 0.99

01:00:41.340 And I fucking. 0.98

01:00:42.240 Oh, so when that, yeah. 0.99

01:00:43.600 When those sample Cialis and stuff hit the streets, they were breaking people's windows

01:00:47.800 to get those.

01:00:48.940 Dude, I went, when I first went to college, I went and lived with my buddy's dad.

01:00:52.780 He had a Viagra prescription, right?

01:00:54.320 He lived in a one bedroom apartment. 0.99

01:00:57.460 Where the fuck were you living? 1.00

01:00:59.280 On the couch? 1.00

01:01:00.200 In New Orleans, yeah.

01:01:00.740 Yeah, that's awesome.

01:01:01.640 And we would take turns like sleeping on the couch with a bed, right?

01:01:04.620 And so.

01:01:05.160 And there was.

01:01:05.600 You and his dad?

01:01:06.700 Yeah.

01:01:06.920 And the reason I did was because he got a Boner Appeal subscriptions, right?

01:01:11.560 So you could.

01:01:12.320 So I could.

01:01:13.000 Siphon a little.

01:01:13.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:01:15.120 But he only got like eight of them. 0.99

01:01:16.620 And I'm like, fuck, it's so hard to steal off. 0.99

01:01:20.540 Steal out of eight. 0.99

01:01:21.820 Because you can kind of like the third day and pull one.

01:01:24.400 You're like, oh, he got drunk.

01:01:25.360 He took two.

01:01:25.880 He got no.

01:01:26.820 But then you have to cut one directly in half.

01:01:28.980 Like, well, how did one.

01:01:30.240 Yeah.

01:01:30.660 Just get.

01:01:31.840 Just take it in half.

01:01:33.320 Yeah, you got to take it in half.

01:01:34.540 You got to make that last.

01:01:35.560 Oh, yeah.

01:01:36.120 You got to make that last.

01:01:37.420 And then.

01:01:37.740 But.

01:01:38.520 That's a fun.

01:01:39.300 That's a fun kind of Passover parable.

01:01:41.600 It was horrible. 0.99

01:01:42.060 Making the one dick pill last. 1.00

01:01:43.640 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:01:44.020 12 days.

01:01:45.300 Just nibbling on it just a little bit.

01:01:47.180 We had one can of oil and we made it last for 64 days.

01:01:49.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:01:50.180 One dick pill. 0.99

01:01:51.280 100 milligram Viagra. 0.97

01:01:53.620 We made it last for 12 weeks.

01:01:55.460 We each took one lick of it.

01:01:58.860 Me and my friend's dad.

01:02:03.620 Shabbat shalom.

01:02:04.700 How long?

01:02:05.300 Yep.

01:02:06.080 Shabbat shalom.

01:02:08.980 How long were you living with your friend's father?

01:02:11.040 Six months.

01:02:11.580 One semester of school.

01:02:14.240 God.

01:02:15.180 How were you grades that semester?

01:02:17.720 Here was the crazy part.

01:02:18.620 We had a wall.

01:02:19.560 There was like a half wall.

01:02:20.760 It was a loft.

01:02:22.120 The bedroom was a loft and there was a living room.

01:02:24.320 It was a nice building.

01:02:25.080 They did have a pool at the building.

01:02:25.960 That was pretty cool.

01:02:27.220 And I was learning to play guitar.

01:02:28.860 At the time.

01:02:29.240 And so I would go in there.

01:02:30.080 He'd have some.

01:02:30.640 Every now and then he'd have a chick stare over and I'd go in there and play.

01:02:33.200 Love that.

01:02:35.300 Teasing.

01:02:36.660 The song about Eric Clapton's son dying.

01:02:40.320 That was about.

01:02:41.140 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:41.840 That's the song you would play while the guy was getting pussy. 1.00

01:02:46.320 It's about his fucking son falling out of a window. 1.00

01:02:50.000 What? 1.00

01:02:50.860 Yeah.

01:02:51.760 No way.

01:02:53.000 How old was his son?

01:02:53.720 Was he in the military?

01:02:54.520 No. 1.00

01:02:54.820 He was like a little ass kid, dude. 1.00

01:02:56.660 It's a tragic song. 1.00

01:03:01.180 Oh, dude.

01:03:02.200 Sorry.

01:03:03.440 Sorry, Eric.

01:03:05.660 Is that a puppet alive?

01:03:06.720 He's alive.

01:03:07.520 Yeah.

01:03:07.740 Oh, man. 1.00

01:03:08.160 So it's your friend's dad who's giving you shelter is getting pussy with one of his eight 1.00

01:03:15.600 Viagras and he has to battle that Viagra's up against that old man's LED and the saddest 0.99

01:03:22.720 song, one of the saddest songs of the 90s, a poor rendition, by the way.

01:03:27.760 There's no way you were good at it. 0.99

01:03:29.060 You're butchering it and it's sad as shit. 1.00

01:03:34.220 Pink. 0.99

01:03:34.740 Pink.

01:03:35.260 Oh, sorry.

01:03:35.940 Sorry.

01:03:36.780 Pink.

01:03:37.200 Pink.

01:03:37.520 Pink.

01:03:38.260 Pink.

01:03:38.660 Bonk.

01:03:39.240 Oh, so my bad.

01:03:40.400 Pink.

01:03:40.840 Pink.

01:03:41.120 Bonk.

01:03:41.420 Pink.

01:03:41.720 Pink.

01:03:43.520 But I would go in there and one time after they would request me to come back.

01:03:51.040 Wow. 1.00

01:03:51.400 You were the fucking, you were the music for them fucking. 1.00

01:03:56.740 Well, I had usually post-coital that would bring me in. 1.00

01:03:58.980 Post-coital.

01:03:59.660 And I also then eventually played Every Rose Has Its Thorn.

01:04:06.360 Okay.

01:04:06.580 I rocked that form a little bit.

01:04:08.020 Okay.

01:04:08.240 And I did eventually a widespread panic.

01:04:12.140 Okay.

01:04:12.500 Nice.

01:04:13.060 Yeah.

01:04:13.820 That's good, man.

01:04:14.800 So that was just the three songs spread.

01:04:16.560 Traveling Light.

01:04:17.120 Yeah.

01:04:17.420 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:17.580 Fucking rattle out a very poor rendition. 1.00

01:04:19.740 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:20.300 A lot of hand beating on the fucking. 1.00

01:04:21.900 Sure. 1.00

01:04:22.200 Bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk.

01:04:23.020 Yeah.

01:04:23.320 Yeah.

01:04:23.420 Yeah.

01:04:23.720 Yeah.

01:04:23.780 Try and dress it up.

01:04:25.080 You can barely play guitar.

01:04:26.180 Yeah.

01:04:26.280 Nibble on a Viagra to keep me going.

01:04:28.220 Yeah.

01:04:29.040 Like a mouse with a little piece of cheese.

01:04:30.640 And that dude was hammering, dude. 1.00

01:04:32.420 And I was having so much sexual issues and shit. 1.00

01:04:35.520 And he'd be in there just fucking. 1.00

01:04:37.660 I almost have a decent of cinnamon there. 0.99

01:04:39.720 Yeah.

01:04:39.940 I'd be like, just go up the hill, man.

01:04:41.200 Come on.

01:04:42.240 Climb up his bunk bed.

01:04:44.000 Climb up the top bunk.

01:04:46.140 Turn around.

01:04:47.260 That's a very interesting living room, like a roommate dynamic.

01:04:50.940 It was crazy, dude.

01:04:51.980 And we had an eclipse.

01:04:53.060 His son had an eclipse because this dude was struggling.

01:04:55.600 His son had an eclipse.

01:04:56.580 A Mitsubishi?

01:04:56.920 Yeah.

01:04:57.320 A Mitsubishi eclipse, but it wouldn't turn off, right?

01:04:59.980 Mm-hmm.

01:05:00.180 You couldn't turn it off.

01:05:01.700 So you had to just.

01:05:03.440 Siphon gas?

01:05:04.480 No, you just have to keep putting gas.

01:05:06.060 Okay.

01:05:06.320 So we'd keep like.

01:05:07.160 Hold on, hold on.

01:05:08.540 It never turned off.

01:05:10.040 You could, but you'd have to. 1.00

01:05:12.560 Fuck, it was so hard to get back on. 1.00

01:05:14.060 Okay. 1.00

01:05:14.640 So we would just. 0.99

01:05:15.480 We'd keep like extra cans of gas at the fucking parking space. 0.98

01:05:18.420 We had an underground parking space. 0.98

01:05:20.980 Yeah, that was it, but it was a green one.

01:05:23.340 That's a nice car, man.

01:05:24.440 I remember the eclipse.

01:05:25.240 It was a green one, and it had good rims on it, too.

01:05:27.180 I don't know if they have that.

01:05:28.040 Oh, not that green.

01:05:29.840 That is very.

01:05:31.860 More of a seafoam?

01:05:33.540 Yeah.

01:05:34.200 I would go with that one to the right of the horizontal one.

01:05:36.940 Of the vertical one.

01:05:38.420 Left, left, right there.

01:05:40.340 Nice.

01:05:40.840 Something like that.

01:05:41.740 Yeah, dude.

01:05:42.780 Oh, yeah.

01:05:44.240 Not as nice as that, but it's something like that.

01:05:45.920 But yeah, we get the idea.

01:05:46.720 Yeah. 0.99

01:05:47.380 But that bitch, we would keep a couple cans of gas, because it got great mileage. 1.00

01:05:52.400 You could fucking keep it going. 1.00

01:05:54.660 I don't know how good the mileage is if you have to keep the gas just to keep it running. 1.00

01:05:59.300 I would drive that bitch over. 1.00

01:06:00.400 I went to Loyola University. 1.00

01:06:01.780 I'd drive that bitch. 1.00

01:06:03.180 And fucking park. 1.00

01:06:03.800 Loyola where? 1.00

01:06:04.520 There's one in New Orleans?

01:06:05.440 In New Orleans, yeah.

01:06:06.140 And since you kept it running, people didn't.

01:06:08.140 You could park in a weird spot and be like, oh, the guy's just coming and going.

01:06:12.660 And how long would it be there idling? 0.99

01:06:14.680 Fucking two hours. 0.99

01:06:15.660 I'd fucking be in class. 1.00

01:06:19.500 I'd be in class, dude. 0.99

01:06:20.900 But it was kind of nice right when you got to it, got right in.

01:06:23.960 Sure, sure, sure, sure. 0.99

01:06:26.120 You don't have the fucking, that hassle of doing this. 1.00

01:06:29.380 Turning your fucking forefinger one inch. 1.00

01:06:35.020 But it was a flex to the lady. 1.00

01:06:36.460 Like, damn, that guy's a chauffeur. 0.99

01:06:37.680 Keep it running. 1.00

01:06:38.500 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:39.460 Like, it's him.

01:06:41.120 It's you from the past.

01:06:42.560 Yeah, it's kind of like, yeah, but that's my chauffeur.

01:06:45.420 It's not a chauffeur or not.

01:06:46.920 Sorry, guys, my ride's here.

01:06:48.480 My ride's here.

01:06:49.760 No one stole it, huh?

01:06:51.380 Nope.

01:06:52.200 They respected the eclipse.

01:06:53.640 I guess.

01:06:54.320 I mean, sometimes I'll put the flashers on.

01:06:55.900 I think it's like, there's a lot of reverse psychology there, you know?

01:06:58.860 It's a lot of General Sherman.

01:07:00.220 Hiding in plain sight.

01:07:01.380 Yeah, very much.

01:07:02.500 Yep, yep, yep.

01:07:02.940 Very much of the Ongonquin, how they behaved. 1.00

01:07:07.400 I love the idea.

01:07:08.600 And how old was that guy at the time?

01:07:10.680 Is that depressing to think about?

01:07:12.000 He's 52.

01:07:13.060 Okay.

01:07:13.540 Ansem, pretty good at tennis.

01:07:14.720 Ansem.

01:07:15.220 He could wear short shorts.

01:07:16.740 Love that.

01:07:17.400 He's a foundational guy.

01:07:18.840 Foundation.

01:07:19.420 Plus size guy?

01:07:20.820 Middle size.

01:07:21.740 Middle size.

01:07:22.220 Mid size.

01:07:22.740 Yeah.

01:07:23.540 Love that.

01:07:24.580 I see.

01:07:25.420 I love to drink.

01:07:26.200 He's a vodka, orange juice guy in the morning even.

01:07:30.060 Morning drinker.

01:07:31.000 And I guess a divorced man?

01:07:33.100 Yeah.

01:07:33.540 If he was hammering.

01:07:34.100 I lived with his family before that.

01:07:36.020 Before?

01:07:36.560 Well, through the divorce?

01:07:37.620 Yeah.

01:07:37.840 And then he got you in the divorce? 0.98

01:07:40.900 He's like, how the fuck did I do? 0.92

01:07:42.000 I end up with my son's adult friend in the divorce. 1.00

01:07:46.320 This bitch got the house. 1.00

01:07:47.780 I got Theo playing fucking Tears of Heaven while I'm trying to keep a heart on. 1.00

01:07:55.400 And meanwhile, you can barely hear the song because there's a Mitsubishi eclipse. 0.98

01:08:01.340 Riding outside the window.

01:08:02.600 The fumes are coming up through the underground garage. 1.00

01:08:05.540 You have fucking poison. 1.00

01:08:06.700 You have CO2 poisoning. 1.00

01:08:11.820 Oh, man, dude. 0.99

01:08:13.560 That's fucking awesome. 0.98

01:08:14.340 That's crazy, dude. 0.99

01:08:15.460 Was that your weirdest?

01:08:16.760 That was probably one of my craziest living situations.

01:08:18.260 But I always lived for cheap, man.

01:08:20.200 I slept in my buddy's bed for probably seven months out in Los Angeles when I first got

01:08:26.400 out there.

01:08:26.840 I lived in this little cupboard that was in a living room.

01:08:30.540 They had these two cupboard doors.

01:08:32.060 And it was like three feet high, four feet wide.

01:08:36.100 Just the bed?

01:08:37.160 No, there was no bed in there.

01:08:38.100 It was just a floor, right?

01:08:39.020 But it was long and it was like probably eight feet deep.

01:08:43.100 So it was perfect.

01:08:43.680 I'm going to bed.

01:08:44.480 Boom.

01:08:44.800 Get in there like a bird, little birdhouse or whatever.

01:08:47.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:48.100 And sometimes I come out right on the hour, you know?

01:08:49.720 Right, right, right.

01:08:54.920 But I was always sharing, dude.

01:08:56.440 I slept on my buddy's floor for $150 in college in a sleeping bag. 1.00

01:08:59.980 And I'd fucking yell at him, complain about shit. 1.00

01:09:01.840 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:09:02.700 But he needed the money. 0.92

01:09:06.420 It's so fucking funny. 0.99

01:09:07.620 I did to say, I similarly, I convinced my friends to give me a shitty room in their 0.99

01:09:12.740 house in Baltimore.

01:09:13.800 I lived for 300 bucks a month.

01:09:17.140 I had a room.

01:09:17.700 They were just like, I was literally living on the, my go-to meal was beans and eggs.

01:09:22.580 Oh, yeah.

01:09:23.080 On one, I would bake them and put them on one sheet.

01:09:25.800 And that way, I could just use the sheet as my plate.

01:09:29.400 I wouldn't have to do dishes.

01:09:30.860 I just, after I'm done eating the beans and eggs.

01:09:33.080 Into the washing machine.

01:09:34.020 Yeah.

01:09:34.300 Directly into the washing machine with the condoms from the 18th century.

01:09:40.660 Yeah. 0.99

01:09:41.020 And hanging off the fucking clothesline. 0.99

01:09:43.440 Don't mind if I. 1.00

01:09:44.740 Don't mind.

01:09:45.460 No.

01:09:46.180 Please. 1.00

01:09:46.380 Please hang them. 1.00

01:09:47.080 Let the neighbors see. 0.99

01:09:49.320 They were fully operational over here.

01:09:51.520 No, no one eighth of a Viagra needed.

01:09:53.800 Um, this episode is brought to you by better help, better help.

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01:12:44.520 What did I see in the news?

01:12:46.180 Oh, I saw, did you see that Mark Wahlberg restaurant?

01:12:49.980 Wahlbergers? 0.92

01:12:50.760 It burned down, though.

01:12:51.760 He had a new restaurant.

01:12:52.800 Uh-oh.

01:12:53.520 A fancy one?

01:12:54.800 Uh, let me see.

01:12:56.100 Mark Wahlberg's new restaurant in Las Vegas burns down opening day.

01:12:58.380 Opening day?

01:12:59.680 Wow.

01:13:00.340 Mark Wahlberg was excited about today because he's supposed to open up his new restaurant,

01:13:05.220 Fletcha Cantina.

01:13:06.640 Fletcha.

01:13:07.140 It went up in flames just hours ago.

01:13:08.500 Check this out.

01:13:09.080 This is Town Square, and it's obviously fully involved with fire here, and we have gotten

01:13:14.380 a ton of emails to this station inviting the cameras out because Mark Wahlberg was going

01:13:18.640 to be there around 4.30 this afternoon.

01:13:20.040 Oh, no.

01:13:20.540 Oh, no.

01:13:21.560 You can see the flames inside.

01:13:23.540 They were going to get the oversized scissors out and welcome everyone in for the grand opening.

01:13:27.880 Oh, no.

01:13:28.400 So, obviously, that's not happening today.

01:13:29.880 Wow.

01:13:29.900 They're defrauded, dude.

01:13:31.020 You think that's just a plate of fajitas that was sizzling too much?

01:13:37.300 You think that got a little out of control?

01:13:39.740 That's a great point.

01:13:41.340 Do we know it's not just a really intense fajita?

01:13:46.900 It is Fletcher Cantina, after all.

01:13:49.200 Yeah, go back and show that window right there. 0.95

01:13:50.760 That does look.

01:13:52.420 Yeah.

01:13:53.000 Like, and they spray that flavor on it, smoke or whatever.

01:13:57.440 Like, Greece, we have a...

01:13:59.040 Yeah.

01:13:59.220 Yeah, that kind of...

01:14:00.220 Maybe a flambe.

01:14:03.280 We do a saganaki, Greek people, the cheese you set on fire. 1.00

01:14:07.040 Oh, yeah.

01:14:07.740 A lot of different stuff it could be.

01:14:08.920 I don't think we should draw conclusions right away.

01:14:11.260 Yeah, dude.

01:14:11.860 That's crazy.

01:14:12.600 I thought it was a burger shop he was doing.

01:14:14.280 Yeah.

01:14:14.420 But that's wild.

01:14:14.880 They're going Mexican now. 1.00

01:14:16.420 Fletcher.

01:14:17.120 Yeah.

01:14:17.440 Doesn't sound...

01:14:18.240 I got to be honest.

01:14:19.100 It does not sound appealing.

01:14:20.500 Fletcher.

01:14:21.320 Sounds too much like flesh.

01:14:23.360 Fletcher.

01:14:23.880 Fletcher.

01:14:24.340 Yeah, if you're just a regular person, like, I'm going to Fletcher.

01:14:26.560 Fletcher Cantina?

01:14:27.440 No, thanks.

01:14:28.300 Yeah, it's kind of bizarre.

01:14:29.400 Cantina, I'm okay.

01:14:30.680 He's done some interesting things.

01:14:31.780 You know, he had an alcohol, but then he said he didn't drink, and then he came out with

01:14:34.580 a tequila, which I thought was kind of wild.

01:14:36.540 Interesting.

01:14:37.060 Interesting.

01:14:37.580 What do you think that's about?

01:14:39.040 I don't know.

01:14:39.400 I think it was just when, like, celebrities were coming out with tequilas.

01:14:42.180 It was purely a business move.

01:14:43.520 Yeah, like when George Clooney came out with one.

01:14:45.080 Sure.

01:14:45.300 Dude, one time I was in Toronto.

01:14:46.600 I'm sitting there.

01:14:47.180 It's like probably 12.30 or something, you know, a.m.

01:14:50.480 I'm just sitting on my computer in the lobby, dude, hoping to meet my wife or whatever.

01:14:54.700 You're in the lobby?

01:14:55.720 Yeah.

01:14:55.920 At 12.30 on your computer?

01:14:58.040 Desperate for attention.

01:14:59.660 Probably.

01:15:00.380 I don't know. 0.97

01:15:01.380 That's fucking awesome. 0.96

01:15:02.360 I can't remember why. 0.97

01:15:03.580 After a show, you're just there?

01:15:05.440 I think I was doing shows, yeah.

01:15:06.780 Gotcha.

01:15:07.180 So I was just hanging out.

01:15:08.660 Because, yeah, it's funny. 0.98

01:15:10.980 After shows, you don't want to go to, like, bars and shit. 0.93

01:15:12.900 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.88

01:15:13.200 Yeah, it's like you go to a bar, you're going to see a lot of people in the show.

01:15:15.360 Sometimes it's going to be overwhelming.

01:15:16.580 Definitely.

01:15:16.800 And then if I don't drink, it's hard to be there.

01:15:18.660 So it's like, you don't, there's nowhere usually to go.

01:15:20.900 Sure.

01:15:21.320 No, that's true.

01:15:21.980 Restaurants are closed usually.

01:15:23.300 Yep.

01:15:23.560 So then you can go to, like, a gas station, sometimes ice cream, or your hotel.

01:15:28.940 Sure. 0.99

01:15:29.860 But I'm sitting there, and I feel something on my neck right here, and it's fucking Mark Wahlberg, 0.99

01:15:33.600 dude. 0.99

01:15:34.020 Pretending to have a gun?

01:15:35.040 Yeah.

01:15:35.200 He's like, caught you slipping, you know, or however he, you know.

01:15:39.920 You have failed the keep it on you challenge, or caught lacking challenge.

01:15:43.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:15:44.800 Yes.

01:15:46.020 You failed the caught lacking challenge by Mark Wahlberg. 0.99

01:15:49.220 I was like, look at this fucking boondock saint out here. 0.98

01:15:51.380 Was he in that movie? 1.00

01:15:52.260 He was not. 1.00

01:15:53.000 Oh, damn. 0.99

01:15:53.560 He was not. 0.99

01:15:54.220 No one of the jokes didn't land.

01:15:56.500 But he does embody the spirit of the boondock saints.

01:15:59.600 He thought he was in it.

01:16:00.440 Without question.

01:16:00.660 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:16:01.880 He thought he was in it.

01:16:02.840 But I said that, and then he invited me the next day to his tequila opening.

01:16:06.660 He was actually really nice.

01:16:07.760 He had a nice group of friends.

01:16:09.160 Really chill.

01:16:09.820 He seems nice, but it's also like that level of fame where people start to go insane in

01:16:15.480 a, like, polite way.

01:16:17.080 Like, a guy, like, it doesn't seem sinister, but it's insane to wake up at three in the

01:16:21.560 morning to work out.

01:16:22.640 Yeah.

01:16:23.180 And play golf, and like, it's just crazy.

01:16:25.760 3.15, yeah.

01:16:26.840 Go to 3.15, wake up, pray for one hour.

01:16:30.320 I mean, I know, you know, whatever this, I don't know if you, yeah, 2.30.

01:16:33.600 I mean, that's not a time to wake up.

01:16:35.860 2.30 a.m., wake up.

01:16:37.320 2.45 a.m., crypto prayer.

01:16:39.380 Yeah.

01:16:40.880 3.15 breakfast, 3.40 to 5.15 workout.

01:16:44.760 That's a long workout.

01:16:45.780 That's a lot.

01:16:46.840 Post-workout meal, only two hours after breakfast.

01:16:49.600 That's wild.

01:16:50.900 Shower, he gets an hour and a half for showering.

01:16:54.900 That can't be real, right?

01:16:56.240 Hey, dude, I am definitely taking some sad showers. 0.97

01:17:01.260 Yeah, but that's not when you're fucking, when you're a regimented, like, planning an 0.98

01:17:05.760 hour and a half shower. 0.99

01:17:07.200 You don't plan an hour and a half showers. 1.00

01:17:08.920 You're so fucked up that you take an hour and a half shower. 1.00

01:17:11.880 I've taken some of those too, Theo. 1.00

01:17:13.260 I'm not judging, but that's when I'm hung over as fuck, and I'm like, should I just fucking 0.96

01:17:18.380 do drugs at 7 a.m.? 0.99

01:17:20.200 Yeah.

01:17:20.540 Like, that's like, you're spending 45 minutes convincing yourself not to take pills.

01:17:25.760 Yeah.

01:17:26.040 That's what those long showers are, man. 1.00

01:17:28.180 They're not thinking about the Lord and my fucking bicep curls. 1.00

01:17:31.780 I'm so high, I should go in the shower. 1.00

01:17:33.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:17:34.580 Maybe if I'm in the shower, I won't purchase a prostitute. 1.00

01:17:38.220 That's what that shower is. 1.00

01:17:40.640 Maybe if my hands are wet, I can't fucking use my phone, so I won't fucking buy pussy and 1.00

01:17:46.540 hate myself the second I nut. 1.00

01:17:48.880 But that's what that shower's about.

01:17:51.160 That shower's not reflecting on your 3.15 a.m. breakfast.

01:17:57.100 And look, we're cross-promoting our own lives here with yours, Mark.

01:18:00.600 Yeah, yeah.

01:18:01.340 We're not talking about Mark Wahlberg.

01:18:02.640 This is from ours.

01:18:04.700 This is about, we're putting a little of the personal into this riff.

01:18:08.500 But you open a restaurant, dude, opening day and that thing cooked.

01:18:18.200 Yeah, that's crazy.

01:18:19.400 But that, you know, I think, I'm trying to think of anything good burnt down by us when

01:18:23.260 I was growing up.

01:18:24.640 Ooh, any good fires?

01:18:26.200 I don't know if we had it.

01:18:26.820 I only have hate crimes in my neighborhood, which are not fun to talk about. 1.00

01:18:31.160 Just idiots that didn't understand that Indian people weren't. 1.00

01:18:35.240 Like after 9-11, some fucking idiot in Baltimore. 1.00

01:18:38.440 Did an Indian person? 1.00

01:18:39.240 Get fucked. 1.00

01:18:39.820 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:40.320 They just burnt, just a guy, a Sikh guy who wore a turban. 1.00

01:18:43.460 He's like, he's Osama bin Laden, so I'm going to fucking burn down his fucking mini-mart. 1.00

01:18:48.180 You're like, that's fucking, that guy's a librarian. 1.00

01:18:50.980 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:18:52.220 That guy runs a 7-11 library in the middle of it. 0.95

01:18:55.360 Yeah, literally, he was like a fucking nice guy. 0.92

01:18:58.340 I just went to a nice Indian restaurant here the other day called Bungalow. 0.97

01:19:04.080 Nice.

01:19:04.540 I love that.

01:19:05.020 I like a nice Indian.

01:19:06.140 Yeah, there it is.

01:19:06.960 This Indian.

01:19:08.300 Oh, Vikas is the chef there.

01:19:11.980 Vikas.

01:19:12.420 Dude, he let us sit at the chef's table.

01:19:14.060 They put a little table.

01:19:14.920 Ooh, I love that.

01:19:15.560 Right by the kitchen.

01:19:16.640 It's fancy, but it's not crazy fancy.

01:19:19.780 I got to get this guy on the podcast.

01:19:21.060 It was just fascinating to like eat Indian food, learn.

01:19:25.140 Like it's just about some of the energy and why they have certain things.

01:19:28.760 It was full.

01:19:29.360 That looks awesome.

01:19:30.100 I'll check it out.

01:19:30.680 A ton of Indian people.

01:19:31.480 And he said a lot of Indian people don't go out to dinner because a lot of them cook at home. 1.00

01:19:35.480 Yeah.

01:19:36.160 And they always want, they always believe their cooking is better than other places.

01:19:39.300 I get that.

01:19:40.000 I understand that.

01:19:40.900 I mean, I do not believe that at my place.

01:19:42.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:19:44.080 Well, what's your, the traditional.

01:19:46.960 Quesadilla smoothie.

01:19:48.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:19:48.660 A Slim Jim quesadilla.

01:19:51.400 That's what you grew up on.

01:19:53.080 And nobody can make these better than my mom.

01:19:57.500 Owl meat fried rice.

01:20:01.160 A little bit of squab in there. 0.93

01:20:02.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:20:04.280 From the holidays.

01:20:05.140 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:20:05.800 Maybe a nice, maybe a nice possum rib roast.

01:20:08.880 A little bit of pigeon, we call it, huh? 0.99

01:20:12.340 A little bit of fucking sidewalk oysters. 1.00

01:20:16.000 You know what I'm talking about. 1.00

01:20:18.420 What were we just talking about?

01:20:19.860 The Indian people will not go out to eat. 1.00

01:20:21.920 Right.

01:20:22.200 But that restaurant was really great, man.

01:20:23.640 Went there.

01:20:23.980 That was kind of cool.

01:20:24.860 I love that.

01:20:25.300 I went, I was in England.

01:20:26.320 I was in London and I had Indian food and it was so incredible.

01:20:30.080 Yeah.

01:20:30.480 They're there. 1.00

01:20:30.860 Yeah, well, you know, that's the one upside to the fucking, the British Empire. 0.99

01:20:35.260 It's like, if they- 0.99

01:20:36.000 They brought Indian food along. 0.99

01:20:36.900 If they fucked up India, the least I can do is go enjoy a nice meal as a result. 1.00

01:20:42.320 You know, they're there either way. 1.00

01:20:44.100 Yeah. 1.00

01:20:44.620 So, but it was good as fuck. 0.99

01:20:46.120 It was- 1.00

01:20:46.800 You'd be a good Indian, I think.

01:20:48.540 Thank you, man.

01:20:49.480 Yeah.

01:20:50.340 Thank you.

01:20:50.820 I appreciate that.

01:20:51.380 100%, man.

01:20:52.280 Yeah.

01:20:53.740 I've got some Buddha qualities.

01:20:56.600 I just think, yeah, they would herald you.

01:21:00.540 Well, they do respect the cow.

01:21:04.360 So I have a bull, kind of like a bull.

01:21:06.340 Yeah.

01:21:06.520 I think they would just, yes.

01:21:07.920 I have kind of like a bull.

01:21:09.160 You could be like an Indian sumo wrestler.

01:21:10.580 I would love that.

01:21:11.440 Yeah.

01:21:11.920 Yeah.

01:21:12.300 We could start that.

01:21:12.820 That could be one of your other movies.

01:21:13.920 It's like, you go to India to be the first Indian sumo wrestler.

01:21:16.200 Right. 0.52

01:21:16.580 Put you in some semi-off brown face.

01:21:18.640 Yeah.

01:21:18.960 I don't know about that.

01:21:20.200 I don't know.

01:21:20.660 Yeah.

01:21:21.140 Maybe I'll just get a nice tan.

01:21:22.500 Huh?

01:21:23.120 Nah.

01:21:23.340 I can get pretty crispy, dude.

01:21:25.140 Can you?

01:21:25.840 Greek Mediterranean blood.

01:21:27.320 You know, maybe that's it.

01:21:28.300 Maybe that's what happens.

01:21:29.380 I get such a tan that someone mistakes me for an Indian.

01:21:33.780 Signs you up.

01:21:34.380 Signs me up to be the first Indian sumo wrestler.

01:21:36.420 And there we go.

01:21:38.980 India's first female sumo wrestler defying odds and empowering women.

01:21:42.780 There we go.

01:21:43.100 Hetal Dave is her name.

01:21:44.060 Hetal.

01:21:44.360 Shout out to Hetal.

01:21:45.500 Hetal Dave's journey in sumo wrestling is not just about personal triumph.

01:21:48.060 It's about rewriting what's possible for women in India. 0.98

01:21:51.200 Love that.

01:21:51.960 Push them around, Hetal. 1.00

01:21:53.600 Love interest?

01:21:54.940 Yeah. 0.92

01:21:55.180 I could smash an Indian sumo wrestling woman. 1.00

01:21:58.300 No problem. 0.98

01:21:59.080 That's love, dude.

01:22:00.140 That's love.

01:22:00.820 Absolutely.

01:22:01.460 I can't really tell.

01:22:03.800 I'm going to say yes.

01:22:04.780 I'm going to give it a hesitant yes from that picture that I would smash.

01:22:10.860 I mean, for the movie, that she could be your last.

01:22:12.440 Yeah, and I'm saying, you know, I want to do it for real.

01:22:14.800 Let's see what happens, huh?

01:22:15.440 Let's see what kind of sparks fly on set.

01:22:18.260 Yeah, dude.

01:22:19.640 That's all it is, dude.

01:22:21.580 You know?

01:22:21.720 Do you think of romance maybe is possible between you and Spade?

01:22:24.000 Maybe you guys just have like a become gay later in life? 0.94

01:22:27.500 No, there's a gay. 0.96

01:22:30.380 There's, I think Tim Dillon might be in it.

01:22:32.860 Okay.

01:22:33.140 Small part, or just be a part.

01:22:34.820 Who do you think sucks who off, then?

01:22:36.580 Not it. 0.84

01:22:40.740 TBD, bro.

01:22:42.720 To be David.

01:22:49.060 TBD to be Dave.

01:22:51.560 So we'll see what God wants out of those guys.

01:22:55.640 Love that.

01:22:56.200 Yeah.

01:22:56.820 Yeah, I can see Tim doing that.

01:22:58.440 Pulling it off.

01:22:59.080 What about the election over there happened, man?

01:23:01.060 Did people go crazy out here in New York?

01:23:03.120 Did you feel any of that energy?

01:23:04.740 Where was I?

01:23:05.420 I just felt so glad that it's over.

01:23:06.800 I was filming.

01:23:08.960 I don't know.

01:23:09.360 We were in Philly taping?

01:23:10.120 Yeah, we were taping.

01:23:10.780 We were doing tires.

01:23:11.300 We were doing tires, right?

01:23:12.500 How exciting is that, too? 1.00

01:23:14.060 Tires fucking rules. 0.99

01:23:15.180 Yeah, I mean. 0.99

01:23:15.880 What's it like between the second season and the first season?

01:23:18.320 Is the set different?

01:23:19.400 Because it.

01:23:19.880 Set's not different.

01:23:20.880 Same. 0.95

01:23:21.080 But we, yeah, we're in the same spot and it's, I think it's going to be fucking great.

01:23:28.000 I mean, the first season, I didn't even know, when I agreed to do it, I thought it was going

01:23:32.960 on YouTube.

01:23:33.880 Yeah.

01:23:34.020 Like, it was like, Shane texted me.

01:23:36.020 There was no like agents involved.

01:23:38.140 There was nothing.

01:23:38.700 He was like, hey, we're doing this thing.

01:23:40.220 They didn't have scripts. 0.99

01:23:41.080 We were kind of writing shit as we were going. 0.97

01:23:42.700 Like, I was supposed to have a small part and we just had like so much fun doing it. 0.98

01:23:45.720 They kept like adding.

01:23:46.580 It was like so fun and we felt like we were just making a fun web series.

01:23:50.260 You know what I mean? 0.72

01:23:50.840 Like, cause I loved, Gillian Keeves was so fucking funny. 0.84

01:23:54.180 Their sketches were so good. 0.75

01:23:55.780 And, and I almost was in one and then it like fell through.

01:23:58.640 And so I just wanted a chance to work with those guys. 0.99

01:24:00.660 So when Shane hit me up, I was like, I don't need to know shit. 0.99

01:24:03.260 Let's just fucking do it. 0.99

01:24:04.960 And it's insane that this thing that we didn't, honestly, we did it in a few weeks. 0.99

01:24:10.520 And then we did like a couple days of reshoots and it was a fucking show that was top 0.96

01:24:15.500 10 on Netflix for like two weeks. 0.99

01:24:17.600 It's insane.

01:24:18.500 My mom liked it.

01:24:19.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:24:20.320 And so, and so I think, I mean, we've been shooting from, I think we started in October

01:24:26.320 and we end in the middle of December.

01:24:28.080 And so it's, you know, much more time.

01:24:31.580 They actually had a real writer's room.

01:24:33.200 They went over the scripts.

01:24:34.500 We have, I don't want to, you know, I'm the least important.

01:24:37.260 I don't want to give away too much, but there's like a bunch of cool actors in it.

01:24:40.440 You play the brother, right?

01:24:41.460 I play, I'm basically like their, I'm basically like.

01:24:45.940 Are the dad, the other manager?

01:24:47.540 No, no.

01:24:47.840 I'm the, I'm the guy who's not in the family.

01:24:49.420 Basically.

01:24:49.680 I'm the guy who's like, it's like a family tire shop.

01:24:51.720 And I'm like the kind of middle manager GM who's just kind of in the middle of it.

01:24:56.720 You can't tell if I'm good at my job or not.

01:24:58.980 Oh yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:24:59.460 I'm just kind of a pig. 0.97

01:25:01.000 Again, pretty hard role. 1.00

01:25:03.000 A horny idiot. 1.00

01:25:04.540 It was really hard for me to get into the character. 1.00

01:25:08.520 But it's going to be fucking good, man. 0.91

01:25:10.040 I mean, and those guys are great. 0.98

01:25:11.900 I mean.

01:25:12.340 Is it shot on sticks or is it shot like the office?

01:25:15.780 I've seen it.

01:25:16.520 It's just been probably four months.

01:25:17.720 I mean, it depends, but it's mostly, I would say it's mostly handheld.

01:25:21.780 They have some, some, you know, steady shots, but no, it's, we have.

01:25:26.320 The whole crew is fucking awesome.

01:25:28.240 Oh, it's so much fun. 0.94

01:25:29.320 And that girl in it is so good. 0.75

01:25:30.980 Kyla crushes it. 0.93

01:25:32.100 Well, that's, that's, what's awesome about like, you got to love Shane.

01:25:35.140 Cause he legit brought his friends along.

01:25:37.540 Yeah.

01:25:38.000 In like a very Sandler way.

01:25:39.720 But the second he could like Steve Gerben, who is, you know, he's the man, he's the lead,

01:25:45.220 but it's like, they did open mics together.

01:25:47.960 You know what I mean?

01:25:48.520 Like that whole crew, Kyle, the same thing. 0.97

01:25:51.160 And, and McKeever who directs it is so fucking good. 0.95

01:25:54.780 He's such a great director. 0.99

01:25:55.920 Shane's a great actor.

01:25:56.980 And it's, it's awesome. 1.00

01:25:58.240 It's just great to see that kind of shit. 1.00

01:26:01.000 And that's funny shit. 1.00

01:26:02.500 And it's again, and people saying queers, people fixing tires. 1.00

01:26:05.440 Yeah.

01:26:05.720 Yeah.

01:26:06.400 Well, he's country was founded.

01:26:08.440 Right.

01:26:08.800 Right.

01:26:09.120 Right.

01:26:09.600 Right.

01:26:10.840 Misogynist fixing tires.

01:26:13.620 Yes.

01:26:14.320 You're going to have to deal with a little bit of misogyny, but we're going to get you

01:26:17.720 back out on the road.

01:26:18.560 Yeah.

01:26:18.840 Yeah.

01:26:19.300 It's like, you know, you want the chassis tightened up or not?

01:26:22.720 Like that's been the story of our history. 0.69

01:26:28.300 But yeah, I mean, it's a, if you're setting us some shit in a tire shop, that's how those 1.00

01:26:32.860 motherfuckers behave. 1.00

01:26:34.320 Yeah. 1.00

01:26:34.640 You know what I mean?

01:26:35.400 Like you gotta be realistic about it.

01:26:37.340 Like a trans male swimmer in there or something.

01:26:40.880 Oh, that would be interesting.

01:26:41.740 Yeah.

01:26:42.080 We need these better tires.

01:26:43.840 Yeah.

01:26:44.000 That would be good.

01:26:44.680 These tires ain't tiring enough.

01:26:46.760 On the way to the, maybe, maybe on the way to the meet.

01:26:49.540 Yeah.

01:26:49.740 You know what I mean?

01:26:50.220 Bring them in.

01:26:50.980 See, get the fellas. 1.00

01:26:52.200 Reginald has a magic tire.

01:26:53.740 Yeah. 0.99

01:26:54.800 You're like, what the fuck is happening? 1.00

01:26:57.220 No. 1.00

01:26:57.740 You need a fucking. 1.00

01:26:58.940 Yeah. 1.00

01:26:59.220 All people want is just art to reflect life, man.

01:27:02.780 Let's be realistic.

01:27:03.400 And if your thing is set in a tire shop, that's how those guys have to behave.

01:27:07.700 Yeah.

01:27:07.980 I'll watch the trans swimmer show.

01:27:10.000 Yeah.

01:27:10.280 That's fun. 0.99

01:27:11.380 And they can go do, you know, they can fucking talk the way they actually talk. 0.98

01:27:14.940 And if you have tire guys, talk the way they talk. 0.99

01:27:17.880 You know what I mean?

01:27:17.900 Yeah.

01:27:18.020 That's what you just need is, I think that's, people just want the reality of stuff.

01:27:21.380 Yeah.

01:27:21.860 Yeah.

01:27:22.080 It's like, I agree. 0.99

01:27:24.140 And those guys are funny as shit. 0.99

01:27:25.500 My dad's a contractor. 0.99

01:27:27.240 Those guys are hilarious. 1.00

01:27:28.400 Growing up around these fucking morons. 1.00

01:27:31.140 They're stupid as shit. 1.00

01:27:32.420 And they, they, they, they rag on each other so much. 1.00

01:27:36.060 Oh, yeah. 0.94

01:27:36.480 It's fucking awesome. 0.91

01:27:37.700 It's great. 0.98

01:27:38.320 And the office was set in an office. 0.99

01:27:39.660 And yeah, you can't really say wild shit in an office. 0.99

01:27:41.900 So it can be a little bit more mainstream. 0.99

01:27:44.140 But if you're going to do some shit in a tire, in a family owned tire shop. 0.99

01:27:48.320 Yeah. 0.99

01:27:48.520 It's like, anything goes there.

01:27:51.140 We're talking, yeah, that is the wild west.

01:27:53.740 Yeah, absolutely.

01:27:54.660 A family owned, like. 0.99

01:27:55.940 That's the Gaza Strip of fucking humanity. 1.00

01:27:58.800 There's no oversight. 1.00

01:27:59.720 Yeah.

01:27:59.980 There's no oversight.

01:28:01.060 No matter what, no matter how many reports the UN writes, you're not stopping that. 1.00

01:28:05.700 You're not stopping the fucking family owned tire shop from saying racist shit. 1.00

01:28:10.020 You just, you can't do it. 1.00

01:28:11.620 It's, that's how it goes.

01:28:13.080 Same thing with diners.

01:28:14.880 I mean.

01:28:15.740 Yeah.

01:28:16.200 You can't.

01:28:16.960 I would, don't let, don't let a teenager work in a Greek diner. 1.00

01:28:20.860 Okay.

01:28:21.380 Just don't do it.

01:28:22.800 You're going to, don't let, don't let the hostess work for some guy. 1.00

01:28:25.980 The evil variant of me from a different universe that has same hair, open black polo.

01:28:32.840 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:28:33.900 You don't want him fucking, you don't want him sexually harassing the hostess. 1.00

01:28:38.660 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:28:39.160 No.

01:28:39.440 Well, I just, as long as the guy who's making my food has, has a, like a thing of toilet

01:28:44.480 paper stuffed up one of his nostrils. 1.00

01:28:47.560 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:28:48.520 As long as one of the line cooks is going through active withdrawals. 0.99

01:28:53.820 Hey, you want your egg scrambled?

01:28:55.840 Yeah.

01:28:57.020 Just by his hand, just holding there with a spatula.

01:28:59.680 Greek restaurant, same thing.

01:29:01.060 Look, there might be some chest hair on your lamb chops, but it's going to be the best lamb

01:29:05.200 chop you've ever had in your life. 0.99

01:29:06.520 You really want to get the fucking food safety people involved in this? 0.99

01:29:09.860 You want a bland, hairless lamb chop? 1.00

01:29:11.680 Be my guest.

01:29:12.460 God, lamb, huh? 1.00

01:29:16.000 The pussy of beef. 1.00

01:29:19.760 I agree. 1.00

01:29:20.580 Gamey.

01:29:21.180 It really is kind of. 1.00

01:29:23.260 It's good as fuck. 0.99

01:29:24.220 You're like, what part of the lamb is this? 1.00

01:29:25.640 This is good, dude. 1.00

01:29:27.140 Oh, I love a nice fucking lamb chop. 0.99

01:29:29.360 How does it feel? 0.99

01:29:30.840 You're kind of, you've become a staple of your favorite football team.

01:29:33.500 How does that kind of feel every time?

01:29:34.680 That's awesome.

01:29:35.200 I love the Ravens. 0.99

01:29:36.380 It's fucking sick. 0.99

01:29:37.660 And I have a show. 1.00

01:29:38.960 I have a show at the Lyric, which is, I did.

01:29:42.580 Last year, I did a bunch of shows.

01:29:43.740 This year, I'm doing a couple for the holidays. 0.96

01:29:45.780 It's fucking nuts to go to your favorite, the team you grew up rooting for. 0.99

01:29:50.440 And it's like, they fucking put me on the jumbotron, dude. 0.99

01:29:53.540 You get a big pop. 0.99

01:29:54.900 I got to fucking, yeah, you get to, I got to meet players. 0.99

01:29:57.320 I get to meet this guy. 0.99

01:29:58.520 What player is that?

01:29:59.220 That's real fan Dan.

01:30:00.540 Oh, okay.

01:30:01.100 Who is, yeah.

01:30:03.400 Oh, that's cool.

01:30:03.740 He does the R-A-V-E-N-E-S dance. 1.00

01:30:05.700 Oh, he gets it going?

01:30:06.660 He gets it going.

01:30:07.820 R-A-V-E-N-E-S. 1.00

01:30:07.980 He's got some.

01:30:08.760 R-A-V-E-N-E-S. 1.00

01:30:09.340 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:30:10.360 Yeah, the chaperone version.

01:30:12.100 Chapel Raven, dude.

01:30:13.200 Chapel Raven.

01:30:13.940 That's me, dude.

01:30:16.200 And yeah, they put, this is on the Ravens Instagram account.

01:30:19.960 The official Ravens Instagram account. 0.99

01:30:22.440 Let me put on fucking a helmet. 1.00

01:30:25.220 You got to rip a dart on there next time. 1.00

01:30:28.080 They wouldn't let me, they wouldn't let me mention guns.

01:30:32.480 Or Suboxone.

01:30:33.580 Yeah, yeah.

01:30:35.100 Which is crazy.

01:30:36.600 Also, Suboxone Wilson is a player there too, which is.

01:30:40.000 Yeah, yeah, great on the edge.

01:30:41.660 Great on the edge.

01:30:44.720 Not allowed, dude.

01:30:46.080 Bro, the Saints have, the Saint, someone keeps tweeting about the,

01:30:50.380 the Pope keeps accidentally tweeting about the New Orleans Saints, dude.

01:30:53.360 Can you see where you can find that?

01:30:55.380 Yeah. 0.97

01:30:56.600 That's fucking awesome. 0.95

01:30:58.200 Were you, you were a, are you an LSU guy? 0.97

01:31:00.960 Are you a, uh, Saints guy?

01:31:02.200 Here's who I like.

01:31:02.980 I'm a Saints guy, but they've been under, they've been under delivering for the past few years.

01:31:06.880 Yeah.

01:31:07.500 And that's been, um, Pope Francis keeps accidentally tweeting about the New Orleans Saints.

01:31:12.460 So that's where we are.

01:31:13.480 The hashtag Saints are formed by the Beatitudes.

01:31:16.040 Poor, meek, merciful, hungering, and thirsting for justice, seeking peace.

01:31:20.040 Okay, yeah.

01:31:20.560 So they have some issues with the refs.

01:31:21.900 Yeah.

01:31:23.360 Yeah, I think the Saints, uh, the post went up before the Saints lost to the lowly Carolina Panthers,

01:31:28.160 marking their seventh favorite tweet.

01:31:29.580 God is not on your side.

01:31:30.900 They took it out, but in the actual tweet, it was showing the Saints logo every time he hashtagged Saints.

01:31:41.120 Wow.

01:31:41.520 And there he is right there.

01:31:42.300 Thank you for your prayers, Ponce, if we need them.

01:31:47.300 What?

01:31:47.700 That's a lot.

01:31:48.500 Interesting.

01:31:48.960 But that, now does that prove, there it is, does that prove that the Catholic God is not real? 0.99

01:31:54.660 Because a tweet from Pope Francis doesn't even get you to beat the fucking Panthers. 0.99

01:31:58.520 That's a good point. 0.99

01:31:59.380 I'd like to see, you know, a Muslim guy tweet about you.

01:32:02.860 I'd like to see, this is a good way to see who wins.

01:32:05.220 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:32:06.020 This is how we can tell who's right.

01:32:07.400 Yeah.

01:32:07.880 Each religion tweets about the New Orleans Saints.

01:32:10.320 Tweeters, start your fingers.

01:32:12.680 And they rattle off.

01:32:13.940 And they rattle off.

01:32:14.840 We get to see.

01:32:15.380 And you see who really gets.

01:32:16.200 Is it Islam? 0.77

01:32:16.900 Is it Judaism? 0.90

01:32:18.160 Each week.

01:32:18.260 Yeah, Buddhism.

01:32:18.640 Each week they all get a shot.

01:32:19.540 They all get a shot.

01:32:20.480 Wiccan.

01:32:21.140 Catholicism.

01:32:21.620 Wiccan, yeah. 1.00

01:32:22.440 Get some fucking fat bitches with black lipstick. 1.00

01:32:26.080 To put a curse on your opponent. 1.00

01:32:30.260 Tear out a raven's heart.

01:32:31.840 Oh, dude.

01:32:32.400 One time I was walking on the beach in like Destin, Florida at night.

01:32:35.480 And we were like, we were kids and we got to go to the beach.

01:32:37.580 And I met this girl out there.

01:32:39.100 Pretty Rubin-esque girl.

01:32:40.300 Love that.

01:32:41.400 And so she's like, I want you to hold me in the water or whatever.

01:32:44.060 And it was like, I'd hidden like a bottle of wine that I told someone in the sand earlier in the day. 0.68

01:32:50.080 So I'm out there literally digging in the fucking sand by myself under like, probably pretty decent moonlight, right? 0.97

01:32:56.260 Sure, sure. 0.99

01:32:56.820 So I'm fucking digging in there. 0.98

01:32:58.240 And like I'm one of those like watching the grunion run or whatever. 0.99

01:33:02.440 Like I'm a pregnant turtle.

01:33:03.940 Trying to see how many of your babies make it to sea.

01:33:06.040 I'm out there.

01:33:07.240 Literally, I'm just looking for a bottle of Zinfandel.

01:33:10.220 Putting my hand in and rub.

01:33:12.240 And then she came up and we had a couple sips.

01:33:15.220 I were talking and stuff.

01:33:16.100 And she's like, I want you to hold me in the water. 0.99

01:33:17.640 So then we're out in the fucking water, dude. 0.99

01:33:19.160 Love that. 0.99

01:33:19.960 Kissing. 1.00

01:33:20.360 It was fucking ridiculous. 1.00

01:33:21.060 Was she any Wiccan? 1.00

01:33:22.660 Yeah, and she was Wiccan. 0.97

01:33:23.640 Yeah.

01:33:24.060 Interesting.

01:33:24.420 That's what I was about to tell you.

01:33:25.060 Interesting.

01:33:25.800 Did she do any chants or enchantments to you?

01:33:28.220 No, she just said some stuff.

01:33:30.060 She didn't believe in this and that.

01:33:31.360 And she was Wiccan. 0.91

01:33:32.360 Interesting.

01:33:33.000 And that she had to be pregnant by a certain time or whatever.

01:33:36.140 And you didn't oblige.

01:33:37.700 You're like, I'm out.

01:33:39.020 You want this white tail or not? 0.99

01:33:41.920 I was like, this Zinfandel has got to fucking go, Zinfandel. 0.99

01:33:46.260 Zinfandel. 0.98

01:33:47.680 Did you encounter any like, because I think about like New Orleans. 0.99

01:33:52.500 They have some spooky shit. 0.99

01:33:55.260 Any witches? 1.00

01:33:56.080 Any like voodoo shit? 0.99

01:33:57.620 Did you ever encounter any of that stuff? 0.99

01:33:58.940 I stole money one time off of an altar there.

01:34:01.520 Oh, no.

01:34:02.140 And my life was bad for like seven months.

01:34:05.960 Swear to God.

01:34:07.040 I believe you, dude.

01:34:07.700 Here's the crazy part.

01:34:08.520 I stole the money and then used the money to buy peanut butter M&Ms, right?

01:34:12.020 Like, hexed for peanut butter M&Ms.

01:34:17.720 And so that was horrible.

01:34:18.860 And I finally, and I was on the road for a while.

01:34:20.680 And then I finally got back home and I put them, I went and put twice as much money back.

01:34:24.400 And it was all good after that? 0.99

01:34:25.680 When we grew up, there was a lot of prot, like those like snake fucking Protestants, you know? 1.00

01:34:30.400 Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. 0.99

01:34:32.260 Now, hold on.

01:34:32.800 What kind of altar and where was this altar?

01:34:34.920 This was in the French Quarter.

01:34:35.920 Like on the edge of the French Quarter.

01:34:37.520 Gotcha.

01:34:37.840 And it was just kind of out there.

01:34:39.120 Yeah.

01:34:39.300 They just had a thing put together and-

01:34:41.860 It's interesting how many different, because Greek people have like, when somebody, we have

01:34:45.440 like the, kind of like a little altar for like your past loved ones.

01:34:49.140 And if you think about it, it is, even though we're Greek Orthodox, that's so clearly like

01:34:53.400 a pagan ritual.

01:34:55.900 You put a little altar for the deceased.

01:34:58.420 That's not in like Christianity anywhere. 0.96

01:35:00.160 It's just, you know.

01:35:01.020 But I wonder, well, I wonder if we should spend more time communicating with the deceased,

01:35:06.000 you know?

01:35:06.200 Yeah, sure.

01:35:06.780 Helping relieve, you know, or is there anything that they need to tell us? 0.76

01:35:09.540 It's like, we're just like fucking be, you know, like once they clock out, we're like, 0.99

01:35:13.960 you are off the fucking- 0.99

01:35:14.920 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:15.480 We're going to Mangiano's.

01:35:17.080 Yeah.

01:35:17.380 Having some pasta in your memory and that's it.

01:35:19.800 Yeah.

01:35:20.100 They just like, because the Mexicans do that every year. 1.00

01:35:22.620 Yeah, that's true.

01:35:23.400 You know, they let all the, you know-

01:35:24.860 Let them out for one last fiesta.

01:35:26.880 Yeah.

01:35:27.180 Like on MS 31st or whatever.

01:35:30.260 Halloween night, they let all of like the family members come back, you know?

01:35:34.440 You ever see Coco, the movie about that?

01:35:37.380 Yeah, I think Joey Diaz is.

01:35:38.680 Oh no, that's something I'm thinking of.

01:35:40.940 Joey Diaz is in Coco.

01:35:42.300 I thought he was in it.

01:35:45.000 That's awesome. 0.99

01:35:45.920 Fucking tremendous, kid. 1.00

01:35:46.500 You got to deal with your generational trauma, you cocksucker. 1.00

01:35:52.540 Stop depending on your grandfather to turn your life around. 1.00

01:35:56.580 That's awesome.

01:35:57.040 I think I did try to watch this on a plane or whatever.

01:35:58.900 This legitimately destroyed me when I saw it.

01:36:01.760 What happened was, so me and my brothers, we had a tradition where we would take some

01:36:08.880 kind of hallucinogenic, whatever big like Hollywood release was out that, you know, like a big

01:36:15.080 fun action movie or like, like Star, the first, the first time we did it was the new Star

01:36:20.040 Wars prequels where it was like, we didn't give a fuck about Star Wars that much, but 0.97

01:36:23.580 you take some fucking acid, you watch Star Wars, it's going to be fucking awesome. 0.96

01:36:27.980 So we would do that on Christmas or around Christmas. 1.00

01:36:29.940 You'll sort of fight your stepfather in the fucking yard. 1.00

01:36:31.780 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:36:32.460 You really, you really will actually.

01:36:34.920 You will and that did cause some issues.

01:36:38.420 Surprise attack with a catalytic converter out there. 1.00

01:36:41.760 Boy, I'm fucking. 0.99

01:36:42.960 So we did that and then one year we were going to, it was Aquaman was coming out. 0.99

01:36:46.980 Oh yeah. 0.99

01:36:47.900 Forgot to buy fucking tickets ahead of time. 0.99

01:36:49.800 Thought for sure there's no way, you know, Aquaman's going to be sold out. 0.99

01:36:53.580 And then we forget.

01:36:55.640 So it's sold out.

01:36:56.500 We get there.

01:36:56.980 I'm already on acid.

01:36:58.060 Oh my God.

01:36:58.600 And we're like, all right, let's just get back to the house ASAP. 0.98

01:37:01.220 We're all fucking on acid. 0.95

01:37:03.180 We didn't have, we couldn't. 0.98

01:37:04.240 So then my brother's like, um, Coco is pretty like colorful.

01:37:08.640 This could be fun, dude.

01:37:09.900 It's a story all about family.

01:37:12.640 Like my best friend's mom had just died.

01:37:15.140 We were like, it's a story all about like family.

01:37:18.100 And dude, I'm just tripping my nuts off. 0.99

01:37:22.940 Just sobbing and being like, dude, I thought I was going to watch Jason Momoa fight a fucking 0.99

01:37:28.460 punch a fish in the head. 0.99

01:37:29.860 And now I'm thinking about my dead grandparents and if they're proud of me or not. 1.00

01:37:36.840 It was so fucked up, dude. 1.00

01:37:39.120 Wow. 1.00

01:37:39.520 And then my brother, I was like sobbing so much afterwards.

01:37:42.020 My brother's like, all right, man. 0.81

01:37:43.360 And he just put on Thor Ragnarok for me to just fucking calm down. 0.99

01:37:47.100 He's like, like I was a fucking baby. 1.00

01:37:50.960 Here's your fucking dumb movie. 1.00

01:37:52.500 Cause I would watch that on acid a bunch. 1.00

01:37:54.380 That was a fun thing I would do.

01:37:55.820 He puts on Wendy Weatherfoot on YouTube. 0.99

01:37:58.480 He puts on soft core pornography with huge titted women. 0.99

01:38:01.000 He's like, here you go, buddy. 1.00

01:38:02.360 Your favorite stuff.

01:38:04.060 Wendy Weatherfoot is a children's.

01:38:06.140 Oh no, sorry.

01:38:07.260 I was just thinking.

01:38:08.860 I don't know what Wendy Weatherfoot is. 1.00

01:38:10.620 I was just going into stuff I liked.

01:38:13.220 Yeah.

01:38:13.780 Wendy Weatherfoot is a nature based animation series on YouTube.

01:38:20.200 If you like children in nature, you might like it.

01:38:23.200 Right.

01:38:23.680 That would have been a better thing to calm me down.

01:38:25.920 Yeah. 0.95

01:38:26.500 But yeah, it was fucked up how much cocoa on acid when I was not emotionally ready to deal 0.97

01:38:31.620 with it. 0.99

01:38:31.900 How fucking destroyed me, dude. 0.99

01:38:34.860 Destroyed me. 0.99

01:38:36.180 But you know.

01:38:36.660 Acid is just such a wild thing that they make.

01:38:39.140 Yeah.

01:38:39.420 Because first you're like, you're telling me this little bitty square of paper. 1.00

01:38:42.860 This is going to do shit. 0.98

01:38:43.800 Is going to remodel the way I experience the world. 1.00

01:38:48.620 Going to completely fuck my brain up. 0.97

01:38:50.220 Is going to make me hide behind the car in your yard. 1.00

01:38:56.240 And cry about how your parents met each other.

01:39:01.760 I don't know, guy.

01:39:03.600 Same thing.

01:39:04.300 The last one we did was Avatar. 0.98

01:39:07.340 And I literally was fucking crying at that, too. 0.97

01:39:10.840 But that was a more like, the movie was affecting me. 1.00

01:39:13.440 I was like, oh, fuck, dude. 1.00

01:39:15.580 The fucking little guy's going to die. 1.00

01:39:18.020 I was fucking crying. 1.00

01:39:19.980 And like moments before I was laughing at what a stupid movie it was. 1.00

01:39:22.980 And then they kill a character. 1.00

01:39:24.520 I'm like, oh, he's fucking dead, bro. 0.99

01:39:27.360 My brothers were just laughing at me. 1.00

01:39:29.260 They weren't as fucked up as I was. 0.99

01:39:30.740 And it's just the attendant is just shining a flashlight right in your eyes. 0.99

01:39:33.900 You give him your license. 0.99

01:39:35.160 That's when you're fucked up at the movies. 0.99

01:39:36.840 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:37.240 You give him your.

01:39:37.640 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:38.960 You hand the guy your driver's license.

01:39:41.300 The guy just shining a light on you.

01:39:44.540 Dude, I've been watching all those.

01:39:46.580 Like around the holidays, I'll start watching a lot of those military people come home videos. 0.99

01:39:51.080 Oh, that's, that'll fucking do it to you for sure. 0.98

01:39:54.180 Surprise at the school. 0.99

01:39:55.520 While we look for that one more time, I was on acid at the movies.

01:40:00.180 I was, the people in the theater thought I was a special needs because I was like.

01:40:05.560 And what was it?

01:40:05.880 What gave it, or what gave them the impression?

01:40:07.680 I was again on, I was actually on mushrooms and acid at the time.

01:40:10.440 Okay.

01:40:11.060 And it was a packed one.

01:40:12.740 And you know, you're familiar with Babu Frick.

01:40:15.540 He's a little Star Wars guy.

01:40:17.260 He's a little Star Wars Muppet.

01:40:18.800 Okay.

01:40:19.040 And every time Babu Frick would come on, I would be like, yeah, I would be so happy.

01:40:24.220 Oh, you loved him?

01:40:24.540 Because I was so on acid. 1.00

01:40:26.240 I was so, that I kind of returned to being a fucking baby. 1.00

01:40:30.220 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:40:30.400 And so he was just a cute little Muppet guy.

01:40:32.460 And every time he'd come on, I'd be like, yeah, Babu Frick.

01:40:36.060 Babu Frick.

01:40:37.680 And Babu couldn't stop laughing.

01:40:40.040 And people were mad and they looked at me.

01:40:43.040 And then I saw, I saw them be like, like their faces soften.

01:40:47.420 They're like, oh, this guy's special needs.

01:40:50.320 There's like, there's no way.

01:40:52.080 They thought I was like some teenager.

01:40:53.780 They just looked around.

01:40:54.580 It's like, there's no way a man this old and fat is not special needs.

01:40:58.380 If he's reacting to Babu Frick this way.

01:41:01.460 And they looked at my brother.

01:41:03.380 My brother was like, sorry.

01:41:04.640 And they were like, oh, no.

01:41:05.920 No, it's fine.

01:41:06.400 Dude, I don't even know what to say now.

01:41:15.160 Some memorable acid.

01:41:16.760 You're not an acid on movies.

01:41:18.220 Oh, me and my buddy.

01:41:18.980 Well, I've told this story recently.

01:41:20.080 It's just one that I remember.

01:41:20.820 Oh, it's okay.

01:41:21.340 We went to the Waffle House in our town, right?

01:41:25.020 Love that.

01:41:25.300 And we got there at like 4.30 in the morning.

01:41:27.200 And there was a gay, or there was a homosexual urban male in there, waiter. 0.94

01:41:34.080 Love that. 0.96

01:41:34.460 We'd never seen a gay black guy, right? 0.95

01:41:36.500 Wow. 0.86

01:41:37.060 How old were you?

01:41:38.280 We were probably 14, right?

01:41:39.660 Okay.

01:41:40.260 That's big.

01:41:41.020 Yeah.

01:41:41.380 It was big, dude.

01:41:42.420 We're very excited.

01:41:43.240 That's some of the funnest.

01:41:44.320 That's one of the funnest type of guys in the world.

01:41:46.340 Oh, we're so high, dude.

01:41:47.620 Yeah. 0.99

01:41:48.020 And we're so high that all we can do is fucking laugh. 0.98

01:41:50.360 On hallucinogenics or just weed? 0.99

01:41:52.080 Yeah, we've been taking some LSD.

01:41:53.140 Cool.

01:41:53.920 And so we went there because it was open.

01:41:55.340 It was the only place that had lights out where you could be somewhere and be young and not

01:41:59.080 have to.

01:41:59.580 As long as you were buying food, you had a legal reason to be there.

01:42:03.100 Yes, yes, yes, yes.

01:42:03.720 I'm legally here for breakfast, right?

01:42:05.900 Yes, yes, yes.

01:42:06.720 Well, we started laughing so hard.

01:42:08.360 May I use the hash browns defense?

01:42:11.080 I'd like to enter the hash browns defense.

01:42:14.880 Sorry, go ahead.

01:42:15.920 No, it's- 0.99

01:42:17.120 So you guys are fucked up? 1.00

01:42:18.140 Oh, and we're so fucked up. 1.00

01:42:19.040 My buddy starts laughing so hard and starts fucking choking. 1.00

01:42:22.720 He's laughing so hard. 0.99

01:42:23.280 The guy, the way it starts giving him the fucking- 0.99

01:42:26.960 Heimlich? 0.99

01:42:27.820 Heimlich maneuver, dude.

01:42:29.080 So there's a-

01:42:30.140 Bro, I laughed. 1.00

01:42:31.840 I fucked my- 1.00

01:42:33.080 That's- 1.00

01:42:33.660 I mean, that would destroy me. 1.00

01:42:35.160 My body was coming out of my fucking body, dude. 1.00

01:42:37.960 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:42:38.140 I was doing like this.

01:42:39.220 I was like- 0.96

01:42:40.280 And my buddy's just getting fucking remodeled by this breakfast brother, dude. 0.99

01:42:46.520 He's just fucking reshaping him, bro. 0.98

01:42:48.680 Love it. 1.00

01:42:49.380 Smothered him fucking- 1.00

01:42:50.200 And what style of gay guy are we talking? 1.00

01:42:51.800 Does he have like eyeliner on? 0.91

01:42:53.080 Small, but strong.

01:42:53.840 Small, but strong.

01:42:54.800 Yeah.

01:42:55.280 Small, but strong.

01:42:56.380 Like-

01:42:56.940 Just posture and the way he talks?

01:42:59.240 What do you mean?

01:43:00.300 Quick.

01:43:00.500 Quick with his words.

01:43:01.920 Had flair on, but didn't need to have it on.

01:43:05.240 Right, right.

01:43:06.000 That's not mandated by-

01:43:07.060 Like he had so much on, you almost thought he was like one of those people that blows up

01:43:09.580 the balloons or whatever.

01:43:10.520 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:10.820 Like, what is this guy?

01:43:11.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:11.920 He's selling them.

01:43:12.900 He's like, blow up some breakfast.

01:43:15.360 Yeah, he's being fun.

01:43:17.180 Yeah, he's being fun.

01:43:18.800 Great attitude, great God.

01:43:20.220 Great attitude, saved your friend's life.

01:43:21.840 Yeah.

01:43:22.520 I went to SNL the other night, too.

01:43:24.040 That was pretty cool.

01:43:24.480 Oh, hell yeah.

01:43:24.940 Went to Saubur. 1.00

01:43:25.840 Fuck yes, dude. 1.00

01:43:26.960 That was awesome. 1.00

01:43:27.720 It was cool.

01:43:28.320 Just to be there.

01:43:28.920 You ever been there?

01:43:29.600 I've never been there, no.

01:43:30.700 I want to go, and I have-

01:43:32.100 I mean, I have friends who are on the show now, and like, it would be cool to go, but

01:43:35.780 I just, you know, always traveling, never here.

01:43:38.140 Saturday, it's a hard night to be-

01:43:41.100 They'll probably ask you to do it this year, I bet.

01:43:42.960 No.

01:43:43.660 I don't think so.

01:43:44.240 I'd love to, but I-

01:43:45.340 Would you?

01:43:45.700 I would absolutely love to. 0.99

01:43:46.760 Yeah, I mean, I don't want to fuck, you know, it seems like, because I have friends who 0.99

01:43:49.860 are on the show, and it's like, seems like a hard job. 0.99

01:43:52.320 That's the thing. 0.96

01:43:53.260 As much, as stressful as it is to like, have to put out shit constantly and be touring, 0.99

01:43:57.760 like, you're still your own boss. 0.98

01:44:00.200 I can't imagine.

01:44:01.880 As, that's a great, you know, that's a huge comedy show that people still watch, but you're 0.99

01:44:05.940 somebody's fucking employee. 0.99

01:44:07.540 Yeah. 0.99

01:44:07.760 I can't imagine doing that anymore, dude. 0.73

01:44:09.800 Even if it's a cool fucking job, just being worried about my performance at work, I can't 0.99

01:44:15.580 do that shit, dude. 1.00

01:44:16.380 That's fucking crazy. 1.00

01:44:17.860 But I would love to, it's a dream to host it. 0.97

01:44:20.540 But if I, yeah, that's why I say like, I'm a, I work for myself and I'm a hard person to

01:44:25.440 work for.

01:44:25.840 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 1.00

01:44:29.460 I'm my own boss and my boss is a fucking idiot. 1.00

01:44:32.540 And my boss is an asshole. 1.00

01:44:33.880 My boss is an asshole. 1.00

01:44:34.980 He's a fucking. 1.00

01:44:35.680 Yeah, he's a closet and homosexual as well. 1.00

01:44:37.860 Hey, that's a lie. 1.00

01:44:40.700 Okay.

01:44:42.340 If I saw you in Houston, if your name is Mark and we hooked up in Houston.

01:44:51.020 Hold on, guys.

01:44:51.440 Let me start over.

01:44:52.620 Sorry.

01:44:53.340 You can't help it.

01:44:54.220 The dad just.

01:44:56.620 Yeah, yeah.

01:44:59.820 God, that was so.

01:45:01.820 But I had to play in the dark and that was a challenge.

01:45:04.000 I remember that.

01:45:04.420 That's good for your understanding of the fretboard.

01:45:06.860 Yeah.

01:45:07.340 You know, it's more intuitive.

01:45:09.140 It's more.

01:45:10.560 Yeah.

01:45:10.980 SNL was great.

01:45:11.540 It was cool to see.

01:45:12.060 Well, Burr, Bill Burr dropped into a lot of the characters.

01:45:15.100 Are he like the acting part where you're like doing the characters?

01:45:17.180 He did a really great job.

01:45:18.220 He's a good actor, man.

01:45:19.140 Yeah.

01:45:19.260 He really like try, you know, it's like, because some of it, it was like kind of, you would

01:45:22.500 think it's a little cheesy or whatever.

01:45:23.700 Sure.

01:45:24.220 But he like, you know.

01:45:25.160 You got to commit right there.

01:45:26.480 You know what I mean?

01:45:26.820 Like sketch comedy in general is a little, is a little cheesy, but if you're going to 0.99

01:45:31.080 do it, you got to fucking do it. 0.98

01:45:32.360 Yeah. 0.99

01:45:32.500 You know what I mean?

01:45:32.960 It was cool.

01:45:33.460 McGee played.

01:45:34.720 Hell yeah.

01:45:35.400 That was pretty dope.

01:45:36.900 I'm trying to think of what else happened.

01:45:38.760 Any, go to the after party or anything like that?

01:45:41.520 I didn't go.

01:45:42.380 Yeah.

01:45:42.660 I heard that it's interesting.

01:45:43.620 They line up like limos and people all from the show go get in the limos and they're just

01:45:47.320 waiting outside and it takes everybody to the after party.

01:45:49.740 Interesting.

01:45:50.340 So.

01:45:51.020 A show of force.

01:45:52.040 Yeah.

01:45:52.220 Kind of like how North Korea has a bunch of tanks and stuff.

01:45:54.640 SNL is like, we got 12 limos.

01:45:56.720 Yeah. 1.00

01:45:57.340 Don't fuck with us. 1.00

01:45:58.180 We got what we got. 1.00

01:45:59.160 We got 12 limos going to the Dave and Buster's in Times Square.

01:46:01.840 Yeah.

01:46:02.280 Yeah. 0.90

01:46:02.540 And all of our drivers are addicted to porn if you're in North Korea. 0.93

01:46:07.560 Did you see that? 0.92

01:46:08.200 That's awesome, dude.

01:46:09.720 Salute to those guys.

01:46:11.460 That, they made a big mistake.

01:46:13.280 Once someone gets a little taste of pornography, you tell me they're going to go back to no

01:46:17.800 porn.

01:46:18.400 This could legitimately lead to the toppling of the North Korean regime. 0.53

01:46:22.140 Little dabble do you, dude.

01:46:23.080 North Korea soldiers in Russia gain internet access, view lewd videos.

01:46:28.640 This is from UkrainianWorldCongress.org. 0.99

01:46:33.840 Where the fuck are you getting your news, man? 0.99

01:46:37.100 The same place everybody is, dude. 0.99

01:46:40.440 UkrainianWorldCongress.org. 0.99

01:46:42.180 What the fuck is this? 0.98

01:46:43.000 This is a website we made a half hour ago. 0.99

01:46:47.600 This is all news now.

01:46:49.760 It's whatever you want it to be.

01:46:51.620 A usually reliable source.

01:46:53.300 This is from this article.

01:46:54.260 Tells me that the North Korean soldiers who have deployed to Russia have never had unfettered

01:46:59.800 access to the internet before.

01:47:01.040 As a result, they're gorging on pornography.

01:47:02.980 Gorging on pornography. 0.82

01:47:04.180 Wow. 0.99

01:47:04.300 That's awesome.

01:47:05.200 Gorging is crazy.

01:47:06.900 Gorging means the equivalent.

01:47:08.500 What's gorging like the equivalent of?

01:47:10.480 Because I've gorged on food.

01:47:11.900 Yeah.

01:47:12.260 Probably mouth open, use a couple of phones going at once.

01:47:17.460 I don't think it's their best soldiers.

01:47:22.380 I think they're sending expendable guys.

01:47:25.520 There's no way Kim Jong-un is sending his best boys out there.

01:47:29.840 They're sending the form boys. 0.99

01:47:30.520 He might want to get the masturbators out of his ranks. 0.99

01:47:34.460 He might have sent the masturbators out. 0.99

01:47:36.300 100%. 0.98

01:47:36.600 Let's zoom in on a couple of these guys.

01:47:37.800 Dude, can I just say, he looks awesome.

01:47:39.800 Look at that fit, bro.

01:47:40.680 Wow.

01:47:41.400 I want to dress like that for real.

01:47:43.220 You can do that, man.

01:47:44.120 I need those pants. 1.00

01:47:45.020 I need that fucking leather jacket. 1.00

01:47:46.700 Is that goat leather? 1.00

01:47:48.120 Yeah, yeah.

01:47:48.780 Where do they get it from?

01:47:49.640 It's shiny.

01:47:50.680 He's looking awesome.

01:47:51.560 Oh, he looks great.

01:47:52.680 I think especially over the years.

01:47:55.080 He's really figured his look out.

01:47:57.140 He's come into his own.

01:47:58.840 They say he gets massages every day.

01:48:01.480 Interesting.

01:48:02.060 And facials too.

01:48:03.120 I'd love that.

01:48:03.820 I would love to live like that.

01:48:06.060 I would love a massage. 0.99

01:48:06.880 Look how high the one dude is on porn. 0.99

01:48:08.180 Right above your cursor to the right.

01:48:10.020 Zoom in on that guy.

01:48:11.320 Right there.

01:48:12.620 Right there.

01:48:13.400 Zoom in on that guy right there.

01:48:14.640 There we go.

01:48:14.940 I can't go in.

01:48:15.560 Oh, you can't.

01:48:16.280 Sorry.

01:48:17.140 Enhance.

01:48:17.780 Let's get a shot of that guy.

01:48:19.320 Um, the hats are pretty, the hats are pretty high.

01:48:23.560 Great hats. 0.91

01:48:28.000 I've watched that much porn before.

01:48:30.820 Where one of my ears turns really red. 0.61

01:48:34.780 That's crazy, man.

01:48:36.240 Yeah.

01:48:36.740 That's a lot.

01:48:37.320 Because he's lost all the blood from that ear and it's gone translucent because that's 1.00

01:48:40.680 all a pump into his cock. 1.00

01:48:41.980 It's all being used, brother. 1.00

01:48:43.820 All non-essential blood is being redirected to your dick when you see porn for the first 1.00

01:48:48.200 time in 40 years. 1.00

01:48:50.160 Oh, dude. 0.97

01:48:50.580 I remember at school when I would have to take tests, I would fucking tie my legs off like 0.96

01:48:54.280 this to keep the blood like up by my brain. 0.98

01:48:56.500 Oh, smart, dude.

01:48:57.480 So I'd be able to have more oxygen in my brain to help me think.

01:49:01.580 What did you find out about that?

01:49:03.160 Who told you about that?

01:49:04.040 Was that just, you know what I mean?

01:49:05.520 Just a good idea.

01:49:05.980 Just a good idea.

01:49:06.960 Did it work?

01:49:07.780 Yeah.

01:49:08.300 I think it was pretty good.

01:49:09.440 Pretty good student, you know?

01:49:10.340 I love that, dude.

01:49:10.920 Yeah, it was fun, man.

01:49:11.660 Just being alive back then.

01:49:13.080 Yeah. 0.99

01:49:13.780 Fucking beautiful leg skin. 1.00

01:49:15.240 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:49:16.320 What's the leg skin looking like these days?

01:49:18.020 You don't really show off the gams too much.

01:49:19.820 I don't that much, yeah.

01:49:20.800 I mean, I put them away today.

01:49:21.840 That's not bad.

01:49:22.720 You know?

01:49:23.340 That's not bad.

01:49:24.140 I mean, yeah.

01:49:24.880 Yeah, they won't be in Westminster, but they won't be in the dog show.

01:49:31.000 But I do.

01:49:31.880 So I think if I get in the gym for a couple of weeks, I'll show them, you know?

01:49:34.820 Please do.

01:49:35.380 I will.

01:49:35.820 Well, thank you, man.

01:49:36.380 Please do.

01:49:36.840 But see, that's the thing.

01:49:37.620 That's a blessing of being a foundational man.

01:49:40.120 Thank you, man.

01:49:40.360 Yeah, yeah.

01:49:40.700 We got some thick.

01:49:41.680 And I'm even hiding the calves too.

01:49:43.800 What bothers me is I love, I'm a little too milky white up here. 0.99

01:49:47.180 Oh, you got those fours, five walls right there, baby. 0.85

01:49:49.260 Those things are category three.

01:49:51.660 Yeah.

01:49:52.220 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:49:52.440 Fucking, you could hang out. 1.00

01:49:53.660 You could hide two bitches behind those. 1.00

01:49:55.680 You could. 1.00

01:49:56.380 You could take shelter behind my calves.

01:49:58.600 No problem.

01:49:59.680 I would love that.

01:50:00.820 Yeah, dude.

01:50:01.540 What else is happening, man?

01:50:02.600 Anything else you guys want to talk about?

01:50:06.200 Police seized a goat from an 11-year-old girl on a $300,000 settlement. 0.99

01:50:11.740 What is up with cops taking fucking animals, dude? 0.99

01:50:14.240 Yeah, something happened with a squirrel. 1.00

01:50:15.340 A squirrel too, huh? 0.98

01:50:17.040 I don't understand why people are fucking, it's just like bureaucratic, like who gives 1.00

01:50:23.140 a fuck? 1.00

01:50:23.560 And good for this girl. 1.00

01:50:24.340 She won $300,000.

01:50:25.340 Now, I don't know all the facts. 0.96

01:50:27.060 Hopefully this goat wasn't biting people's dicks off or whatever. 1.00

01:50:31.380 It turns out the goat was a fucking piece of shit. 1.00

01:50:33.900 But if he was just a nice little goat, Vanessa Shakib. 1.00

01:50:37.260 Yeah, it's tough to know.

01:50:40.980 The goat was seized by sheriffs, go back to the top a little bit, sheriff's deputies

01:50:44.760 in 2022 while living at a North Carolina farm and was later slaughtered.

01:50:48.980 Why?

01:50:49.540 Did they eat him?

01:50:50.620 As outlined in court documents.

01:50:52.720 You can't slaughter a goat for no reason.

01:50:55.180 For no reason. 1.00

01:50:55.920 No, not for no fucking reason. 0.97

01:50:57.480 But if, look, if they had a nice little- 0.97

01:50:58.320 The cop's like, nah, we're getting this guy out of here.

01:51:01.860 And the goat's just like, ah.

01:51:03.520 Yeah, the sheriff's deputies did nothing than enforce the law.

01:51:07.280 Yeah, right.

01:51:08.440 Who knows if this is even right?

01:51:10.380 And then they got this squirrel or whatever.

01:51:11.880 He did something. 1.00

01:51:12.760 Some dumb bitch snitched. 1.00

01:51:14.500 They shouldn't have killed Peanut, but the bitch who snitched is obviously the biggest 1.00

01:51:17.980 villain in here. 1.00

01:51:18.800 But also the cop's overstepping. 1.00

01:51:20.880 Cops love killing a fucking animal when they can, man. 1.00

01:51:23.540 They do. 1.00

01:51:24.500 They'll shoot people's dogs for no reason. 1.00

01:51:26.320 They just fucking like killing shit. 1.00

01:51:28.440 Quiet him down. 1.00

01:51:29.240 It's just a fucking parakeet. 1.00

01:51:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:51:32.400 He had a gun.

01:51:33.740 Yeah.

01:51:34.160 The baron had a gun.

01:51:37.500 Oh, man.

01:51:38.400 What do you think of the world right now?

01:51:39.620 Do things feel okay now to you?

01:51:41.300 Are you scared?

01:51:42.020 Not really.

01:51:42.700 Because I know there's the election, right?

01:51:45.700 Yes.

01:51:46.580 What are people truly scared of, do you think, when they talk about Trump?

01:51:51.040 But what is it?

01:51:52.080 I kind of start to wonder, what do people be scared of?

01:51:56.080 I can tell you right away.

01:51:56.920 So for me, I didn't love either candidate here.

01:52:02.400 I really didn't understand being enthusiastic about either candidate.

01:52:07.600 I think, you know, I'm not a Trump guy, obviously.

01:52:10.660 I think he is dangerous in the things that I'm scared of the most.

01:52:14.040 And the thing that made me lean towards Kamala was, more than anything, was the Supreme Court.

01:52:18.840 And that it would be, if it's put under, like, far-right control for the next however long.

01:52:27.980 We've already seen, you know, women's right to, you know, over their bodies, the abortion, you know, Roe v. Wade's been overturned, which I think is really dangerous. 0.98

01:52:35.600 That's going to, like, really affect women's health care. 1.00

01:52:39.000 Already in states that banned it, you see they're getting less just general OBGYN care because it's more dangerous to be a doctor in those states. 0.99

01:52:46.460 So we don't think about shit that trickles down. 0.98

01:52:49.520 So, like, it's harder to get just general health care, let alone abortion, in Texas now for women. 0.99

01:52:56.280 And that's only going to get harder in rural states.

01:52:58.740 And I think, for me, that was the number one issue. 0.97

01:53:01.040 That's really fucking scary to me. 0.99

01:53:02.400 Well, especially with the border being open and they're letting rapists in. 0.99

01:53:04.880 You know what I'm saying, though?

01:53:07.300 It's like you're just, well, yeah.

01:53:10.440 I mean, I don't know if it's the best time to repeal that.

01:53:12.580 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

01:53:13.920 If we're going to follow your logic and you claim they got rapists coming in, maybe we should also keep abortion. 0.62

01:53:20.700 But, you know, I think we got plenty of homegrown rapists, too. 1.00

01:53:23.960 But, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:53:25.560 We've got our own.

01:53:26.500 Sure, sure, sure.

01:53:27.500 We've got some union guys. 0.99

01:53:28.180 We've got some heirloom American rapists, for sure. 1.00

01:53:33.200 Jesus Christ. 0.97

01:53:33.780 But I think that's my, the number one thing that scares me is about that because it's not only, that's the first step.

01:53:39.760 And I think you can really see stuff that we take for granted as progress.

01:53:43.920 Gay marriage is another thing. 0.99

01:53:45.440 There's a really weird cultural, I think this is what happens anytime the party that's backed by the, you know,

01:53:54.200 the powers that be, big business, the rich people, the richest people in the world want far-right politicians.

01:53:59.920 And I think if they still, absolutely, without question.

01:54:04.180 I feel like tech is now, I just feel like the parties have changed.

01:54:07.680 Elon Musk is a huge Trump guy.

01:54:10.320 That's a good point.

01:54:11.000 I think rich people will support whoever's in power, number one.

01:54:14.320 But they want to transfer wealth from the poor to the rich.

01:54:17.580 They've been really good at doing it.

01:54:19.140 The biggest issue, I think the reason the Democrats lost is because they pretend that there is no problem. 1.00

01:54:26.060 It's like, that's fucking crazy. 0.81

01:54:28.400 You have to tell people that, yes, there are issues here. 1.00

01:54:32.020 Shit is more expensive. 0.99

01:54:33.100 I think inflation, I think a big part of inflation is that companies realize they can just charge you more 1.00

01:54:39.000 and say it's somebody else's fault.

01:54:40.600 A lot of it's price gouging. 0.99

01:54:42.140 That's, you know, that's fucking true. 0.95

01:54:44.340 And the, but you should- 0.96

01:54:45.660 How did everything get so much more expensive?

01:54:47.500 And companies are, some of it is just real inflation, but some of it is companies are hiding behind inflation.

01:54:52.880 And like there was no, Democrats did nothing to stop price gouging, right?

01:54:56.760 They didn't even say they were going to do it.

01:54:58.700 You can't tell people that things are going good when they're just clearly not.

01:55:03.580 And there were just no, it sucks because they offered, the Democratic Party has become like, 0.98

01:55:09.680 they were going after fucking Dick Cheney and who's like- 0.99

01:55:13.200 It was so bizarre. 0.99

01:55:14.400 It's crazy because they're going after policy-wise, you know, moderates, Republican, Republican people who most working class people

01:55:22.240 don't agree with the economic stuff that they're saying.

01:55:25.880 And then culturally, it's not, it bothers me when you become a party of like tattletales.

01:55:32.900 It's like, it's become a party of like middle managers that want to get mad at you if you say the wrong thing. 0.96

01:55:38.100 And it's like, that's not fucking, that's not the most important issue. 0.97

01:55:42.360 The most important issue for people is that things are fucking more, they have no healthcare. 0.99

01:55:47.360 Wage inequality is out of fucking control. 0.95

01:55:49.660 We're not, people's wages have not kept pace with how much bosses are earning. 0.95

01:55:54.640 Well, yeah, well, what percent, I mean, Bernie Sanders said greatly that he thought if AI starts to happen for companies, right?

01:56:00.520 So companies are making more money because of AI, because they don't need people, right?

01:56:04.600 Then some of that money should go to the employees.

01:56:08.200 Of course.

01:56:08.860 As opposed, and cut it, cut it down their hours for the week. 0.99

01:56:11.380 Now you give them a better life instead of just making it where, well, fucking- 0.99

01:56:15.880 Well, we don't need you anymore. 0.99

01:56:17.140 Yeah.

01:56:17.480 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:56:17.780 So you don't get anything and we keep all the fucking profits. 0.99

01:56:20.160 It's, and I do think, I mean, I think we talked about it a little bit last time where it's like, AI is a tool to fucking do creative shit. 0.98

01:56:28.180 It's so weird when it's like, it should be making normal people's lives easier. 0.94

01:56:32.440 It shouldn't just be for rich people to be able to charge less. 0.61

01:56:36.260 Like, there should be some protections for workers and we should be able to like, you know, you should be able to fucking buy a house. 0.90

01:56:44.060 All these fucking regular issues that weren't really hit on. 0.95

01:56:47.580 It was just, well, you got to vote for us because the other person's worse. 0.98

01:56:51.560 And even though I think that is true, that's not a winning message.

01:56:54.560 That's nothing. 0.99

01:56:55.380 Especially when the other side is offering, they're at least saying shit's bad. 0.99

01:56:59.200 Well, yeah. 0.99

01:56:59.940 And they're saying it's for the wrong reasons.

01:57:01.300 I don't think it's immigrants' fault. 0.98

01:57:02.400 It's definitely not fucking- 1.00

01:57:03.540 Trans people aren't the people buying up houses and not letting you buy it. 0.99

01:57:07.360 You know what I mean?

01:57:07.960 Like, I don't- 0.99

01:57:08.900 But at least they're saying something's wrong and they're saying some fucked up shit, in my opinion. 0.99

01:57:15.040 They're trying to make it culture war stuff. 1.00

01:57:16.880 They're trying to divide people who should be on the same side by saying, oh, gay people are bad, trans people are bad. 1.00

01:57:23.280 When it's like, the people trying to fuck you are rich people. 1.00

01:57:26.540 That's how it's always been. 1.00

01:57:27.920 That's the fucking- 0.99

01:57:29.340 That's a tale as old as time. 1.00

01:57:30.940 And it's weird. 0.97

01:57:32.120 And some people think they're going to be fucking billionaires when it's like they don't make off crypto or whatever. 0.95

01:57:38.100 And they're like, well, when I'm that rich, I don't want to be taxed. 0.99

01:57:41.140 And it's like, you fucking don't. 0.99

01:57:43.380 You live in a- 1.00

01:57:44.440 You're sharing a loft bedroom with your friend's dad who's taking dick pills. 1.00

01:57:49.020 You don't have to worry about fucking tax rates going up on you. 1.00

01:57:52.620 Don't bet on- 1.00

01:57:53.120 Yeah.

01:57:53.320 Yeah.

01:57:53.780 Bet on yourself now.

01:57:54.700 Bet on yourself right now, man. 1.00

01:57:56.160 How about we raise some fucking taxes on the richest people and you get some fucking health care? 1.00

01:58:02.740 It just, I don't know, man. 0.99

01:58:04.100 No, maybe I shouldn't have asked.

01:58:05.160 It's a lot.

01:58:05.860 It's a lot.

01:58:06.260 It's frustrating because I, but even having said all that, I think what people are scared of the most with Trump is just, yeah, man, the Supreme Court being taken over by like ideologically really right wing because now the Senate is Republican and there's like, you know, taken over by that.

01:58:25.040 That's scary.

01:58:25.960 That is scary to me because we could see a lot of stuff rolled back that is, that we, we take for granted as fundamental and stuff that's just progress.

01:58:33.880 We can argue over like, you know, economic issues, whatever, but some of those things that does scare me when it's like gay, like women's rights are being rolled back. 0.62

01:58:42.100 Oh, it would be so wild if you got groups in there that were like, well, you can't do gay anymore. 0.91

01:58:47.020 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.94

01:58:48.080 We're taking away gay marriage or whatever. 0.99

01:58:50.440 But then you'd have to, all the gays would have to pretend they're straight again or whatever. 1.00

01:58:53.620 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:58:54.300 Back in the closet, boys.

01:58:55.660 Yeah.

01:58:56.060 Like, oh, come on.

01:58:57.820 I just threw away all my straight, I just threw away all my Dockers.

01:59:01.440 What are you talking about? 0.99

01:59:02.460 I just threw away all my fucking plaid shirts. 1.00

01:59:04.540 I just fucking burned all my Doc Martens and just lay in bed holding my high school girlfriend. 1.00

01:59:12.500 What are you talking about? 1.00

01:59:13.180 Gay guys and lesbians have to get married again and then fuck other, fuck on the side. 1.00

01:59:19.980 Hey, you know what? 1.00

01:59:20.740 There was something, Admiral, about those days, though.

01:59:22.900 Look, you got, you got, I respect getting a nut anyway against the, against everything.

01:59:28.320 Well, just the hard work, just the, you know, the effort that people put into being gay. 0.55

01:59:32.040 Sure. 1.00

01:59:32.380 Whereas now fucking some dude is just like all day being gay. 1.00

01:59:36.540 Just willy fucking nilly, just burning the gay candle at both ends. 1.00

01:59:41.640 Yeah, both ends. 1.00

01:59:41.720 Yep.

01:59:42.280 Yep.

01:59:42.640 Doing Pilates.

01:59:43.480 He's the only guy in the class. 0.95

01:59:44.800 Which is the gayest thing you do. 1.00

01:59:45.900 I used to have a gay roommate for about four months and he would chew gum in his fucking sleep. 1.00

01:59:49.960 And I was like, whoa, what is going on? 1.00

01:59:51.960 Did he have a defined jawline?

01:59:53.060 He was a figure skater.

01:59:53.960 He could jump over a Toyota Tercel, the front.

01:59:56.920 Wow.

01:59:57.340 Just the front.

01:59:58.460 Yeah, but side to side.

01:59:59.520 Couldn't go long way.

02:00:00.340 Side to side is good.

02:00:00.440 That's insane.

02:00:01.000 And he's jumping.

02:00:01.740 But he could jump literally at an angle and kind of.

02:00:03.040 Oh, he'd do the spin, the axle.

02:00:05.100 It was crazy.

02:00:06.020 That's awesome. 1.00

02:00:06.620 He could axle over a fucking Toyota Tercel. 0.99

02:00:08.220 Tercel, yeah. 1.00

02:00:08.860 Where'd you meet him?

02:00:09.800 We met him.

02:00:12.060 We were shopping.

02:00:13.280 My buddy and I were shopping for Firewood and we met him at a Vons one afternoon.

02:00:18.220 We had just moved to Los Angeles.

02:00:19.840 He was doing tricks in the parking lot? 0.99

02:00:21.760 Yeah, he was just doing that fucking Piro. 0.99

02:00:23.660 Your buddy's like, hey, pal, ease off the Tercel. 0.99

02:00:27.380 I just got rid of the Mitsubishi. 1.00

02:00:30.320 I can turn this fucking car off. 1.00

02:00:32.020 The last thing I need is a gay heel going through my windshield. 1.00

02:00:37.220 Yeah, I toned it down, huh? 0.99

02:00:38.700 I toned it down.

02:00:39.500 Hey, just buff.

02:00:40.280 He's just buffing it with his feet as he passes over.

02:00:46.100 Well, I do think some things that I do.

02:00:49.420 I will say this, though, also. 0.99

02:00:50.920 Donald Trump campaigned harder than fucking anyone. 0.99

02:00:55.460 For a 78-year-old man. 1.00

02:00:57.460 Yeah.

02:00:58.220 It's unbelievable.

02:00:59.680 Yeah, I mean, I think he loves the attention of candidates.

02:01:01.900 Oh, I agree.

02:01:02.540 You know what I mean?

02:01:03.060 But to even do it, dude.

02:01:04.520 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:01:05.980 I just can't even believe.

02:01:07.400 I mean, that blew my mind just how much he could do, you know?

02:01:13.100 I think that's his favorite part, though.

02:01:14.500 You saw him. 1.00

02:01:15.120 He was electric on the fucking mic, bro. 1.00

02:01:18.060 Yeah. 1.00

02:01:18.360 Doing his thing.

02:01:19.480 He loves crushing, dude. 0.99

02:01:22.180 He loves getting in front of this crowd, just fucking riffing. 1.00

02:01:26.180 Dude, you think that motherfucker wants to be in meetings? 1.00

02:01:28.220 Or you think he wants to be talking to the Nelk boys about how he used to get pussy in 1.00

02:01:32.840 the 80s or whatever the fuck he was doing? 1.00

02:01:34.720 Like, that's the part he likes. 1.00

02:01:36.420 He doesn't want to listen to fucking reports about fucking stats and numbers and shit. 1.00

02:01:41.420 No, he wants to eat a Big Mac, drink a Diet Coke, and go on bussing with the boys. 1.00

02:01:45.240 He's like, Tara Fawcett.

02:01:46.720 Oh, yeah.

02:01:49.300 Yeah, yeah.

02:01:49.860 Sorry.

02:01:50.420 Cut the mics.

02:01:51.440 Let me tell you a little something.

02:01:53.060 Suzanne Somers.

02:01:54.220 Yeah, yeah.

02:01:55.340 Funny.

02:01:55.880 I will say, I think one of the funniest guys I've ever had, though.

02:01:58.840 Entertaining.

02:01:59.260 Without question.

02:01:59.980 That's the thing. 0.99

02:02:00.880 I'm not going to sit here and tell you he's not fucking. 0.99

02:02:02.820 He's funny as shit, which is, I think, why things are so. 0.99

02:02:07.360 That's why he was able to sneak through. 1.00

02:02:09.480 If somebody was saying the exact same shit with no humor at all, it would be horrifying. 0.99

02:02:15.420 It would be. 1.00

02:02:16.680 It's fucking crazy. 1.00

02:02:17.480 He says insane shit, but it's funny as fuck, and he seems gay. 1.00

02:02:21.620 That's the other thing. 1.00

02:02:22.220 He's a New York gay guy who happens to be straight, I guess. 0.53

02:02:25.920 Well, he behaves.

02:02:26.700 I mean, come on.

02:02:27.440 His mannerisms.

02:02:28.580 No.

02:02:29.220 He's a little pursing of the. 0.99

02:02:30.240 He behaves like a gay guy is what I'm saying. 1.00

02:02:31.960 He's got a queen. 1.00

02:02:33.600 He seems like a gay guy from Queens. 0.95

02:02:36.560 Really?

02:02:37.340 He's from Queens.

02:02:38.340 He has like that little.

02:02:39.220 Yeah, but you didn't put him in Queens in that story. 1.00

02:02:40.620 His fucking spray tan. 0.99

02:02:41.900 No, he's from Queens. 1.00

02:02:42.780 Oh, he is?

02:02:43.240 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:02:43.880 The spray tan. 0.79

02:02:45.360 I'm saying, I don't think he's gay, but he does have gay mannerisms. 0.95

02:02:49.160 Okay, well, this isn't.

02:02:51.380 Doing this.

02:02:52.800 Doing this. 1.00

02:02:53.880 Like, his little fucking. 1.00

02:02:55.000 Where the gays for Trump. 1.00

02:02:56.000 That was the best. 0.96

02:02:56.680 Like, where are they?

02:02:57.340 They're here.

02:02:58.160 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:02:58.860 A couple gays for Trump. 0.99

02:03:00.320 Where the squirrels for Trump. 0.99

02:03:02.020 They're here.

02:03:02.580 Look at them.

02:03:03.240 Where's my African-American?

02:03:05.140 Yeah. 0.95

02:03:06.320 Blacks for Trump. 0.98

02:03:07.520 Where the. 0.98

02:03:07.800 There's two of them right there.

02:03:09.400 Let them loose.

02:03:10.020 Let them loose, guys.

02:03:12.060 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:03:13.180 I don't know if there's so many whispers in his ear.

02:03:15.900 Good to see you, boys.

02:03:17.340 Harriet Tubman's here.

02:03:19.280 He's joking.

02:03:20.840 Dude, the best was he brought up Nicky Jam.

02:03:23.240 He thought it was a woman.

02:03:24.580 He's like, Nicky Jam is here.

02:03:26.880 Beautiful. 1.00

02:03:28.100 And it's a fucking dude. 1.00

02:03:30.160 Some dude off Instagram. 1.00

02:03:31.140 Some guy named Nicky Jam.

02:03:32.400 Some dude with a mouthful of Zan's rolls up there. 1.00

02:03:35.940 Just fucking slitting stay awake juice into the fucking audience. 1.00

02:03:40.120 No, he's so. 1.00

02:03:41.700 But like, I'm not going to sit here and tell you the guy. 0.94

02:03:43.880 He's so fucking funny. 0.79

02:03:45.520 I like I. 0.98

02:03:47.020 But so it's a court.

02:03:47.940 So that's one thing that.

02:03:48.780 Because I just hear that a lot.

02:03:50.220 People like I'm so scared. 1.00

02:03:50.980 What are you fucking like? 0.99

02:03:52.080 That's a part of. 0.99

02:03:52.920 I just never believe the government's going to affect my life that much.

02:03:56.020 I agree with you.

02:03:56.680 The president, the presidential, the president doesn't have that much power. 0.99

02:04:01.980 And if it wasn't for the Supreme Court, I would be like, who really gives a fuck? 0.98

02:04:06.100 The Democrats didn't run any kind of coherent campaign. 0.99

02:04:09.720 They don't want to.

02:04:10.400 I hope.

02:04:11.440 I hope this will make.

02:04:13.400 Because look, I my politics are further left than that.

02:04:15.880 I'm not a Democrat registered.

02:04:17.700 Bernie is the only guy I liked in a long time because I thought he was the only human being

02:04:22.160 who was like a real person of integrity.

02:04:24.820 I think Donald Trump just is a.

02:04:26.780 The idea that he's different from politicians is crazy.

02:04:29.220 He's a rich guy who had, you know, he grew up rich.

02:04:32.200 He's a class president for sure.

02:04:33.480 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:33.880 And it's like his dad, you know, he was like his dad was a fucking slumlord. 0.99

02:04:37.760 He's just a rich guy who's fucked over people on deals forever. 0.99

02:04:41.260 He's I don't like I, you know, I have class issues. 0.99

02:04:43.920 Right.

02:04:44.240 I don't I tend to not trust super rich guys.

02:04:47.160 And and I don't see how he's going to do anything different.

02:04:50.020 I think it's naive to think he's going to be different than.

02:04:52.320 And I understand not trusting the Democratic establishment, but it's like to me, Trump's 0.99

02:04:56.600 funny, but he is he's a fucking billionaire propped up by other billionaires. 0.97

02:05:00.940 That's I think he's part of just the the complex that runs our country. 0.99

02:05:05.500 And I don't think he's any different.

02:05:06.960 Right.

02:05:07.260 The only person that I like.

02:05:08.700 It's going to be a challenge to see if he is like, I mean, I'll think, you know, he's

02:05:11.760 already.

02:05:12.160 That's the other weird thing.

02:05:12.880 He was already.

02:05:13.480 We're talking about him like he's the shaking up force. 1.00

02:05:15.860 He was already fucking president. 0.99

02:05:18.180 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:05:19.080 It's not.

02:05:19.760 He's not new.

02:05:20.540 That's what both of them were that both of them were that that was a fallacy.

02:05:24.240 Both of them had.

02:05:24.780 It was like and Kamala's like, it'll be different. 0.99

02:05:27.520 Like, well, it's fucking I know. 0.97

02:05:28.880 And go home and make it different right now. 0.99

02:05:30.600 And that's why.

02:05:31.560 Absolutely.

02:05:32.100 You're in off.

02:05:32.700 You're in power right now.

02:05:33.460 Do something. 0.99

02:05:34.180 God knows Joe ain't doing shit. 0.99

02:05:36.380 That guy's been having ice cream for six months. 0.98

02:05:39.380 And they pretended.

02:05:40.400 And when they that's what that's what lost me as a Democrat when they that's when they

02:05:44.480 lost me was when they lied about or when they just I just didn't like the way

02:05:48.760 they treated that old man. 0.91

02:05:49.720 Yeah, you know, it's not fucking cool because then he believes he's doing great. 0.95

02:05:53.800 Totally. 0.92

02:05:54.120 So he wakes up every day different.

02:05:55.900 He's listening to the music. 0.99

02:05:57.060 He's fucking riding for his bike. 1.00

02:05:58.540 He's looking for fucking. 1.00

02:06:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:06:00.320 What are they doing here?

02:06:01.440 He's looking awesome.

02:06:02.280 What is it?

02:06:02.680 Honestly, dude.

02:06:03.580 Is this the end of an amazing race?

02:06:05.840 Yeah.

02:06:06.920 To heaven. 1.00

02:06:09.320 It looks like he's just about to finish a fucking marathon. 1.00

02:06:12.340 Yeah. 0.99

02:06:12.560 And they're like, he just got out of his car.

02:06:14.140 And they're still pretending every day.

02:06:15.420 He's a man.

02:06:15.780 They just told him the other day. 0.99

02:06:17.200 He's the fucking mayor of Wisconsin and they're given an unlimited. 0.99

02:06:21.000 Can I have some cheese curds? 1.00

02:06:22.060 Yeah.

02:06:22.480 Unlimited ice cream and milk.

02:06:24.500 Well, and that's what I agree with you. 0.98

02:06:26.360 I think they made a fucking huge mistake in running him again. 0.96

02:06:31.320 Like when he ran the first time, it's like, I get it. 0.99

02:06:33.460 People were scared of another thing of Trump. 0.98

02:06:35.300 So like put some fucking, you know, put some middle of the road as Democrat, but then they 0.98

02:06:40.720 should have had an open primary. 0.98

02:06:42.840 Like people could actually vote on the issues they care about and they just didn't do that. 0.91

02:06:49.260 And, and she even had an opportunity to, if she came out with any fucking, um, you know, 1.00

02:06:54.960 I'm just pissed off. 0.96

02:06:55.580 She didn't release any new music.

02:06:56.700 Yeah.

02:06:57.020 There was nothing new.

02:06:58.460 It was all Biden remixes and nobody likes Biden. 0.95

02:07:01.380 And you can't just hit any, she's trying to go after blacks with a mixtape. 1.00

02:07:05.280 You got a fucking little production. 1.00

02:07:07.520 Yeah. 0.99

02:07:07.840 It was, she dropped a lot of diss tracks. 1.00

02:07:09.440 Yeah.

02:07:09.920 But no, yeah.

02:07:11.360 Nothing new.

02:07:12.360 No.

02:07:12.520 Yeah.

02:07:12.800 Just didn't hit.

02:07:13.840 Yeah.

02:07:13.920 But look, man, I think it's just crazy how, um, I don't know.

02:07:17.880 It'll be interesting.

02:07:18.520 It's a lot of pressure to see.

02:07:20.160 I'm, I'm most excited about RFK and, uh, JD Vance was super cool when he came on the podcast.

02:07:26.800 He's a human.

02:07:27.580 Trump's hard to get to know.

02:07:28.600 I don't know that JD Vance, to me, he seems like a traditional, just say whatever it takes

02:07:33.460 to get elected snake, to be honest with you.

02:07:35.820 I know, you know, you had him on, he was cool here, but he was a guy who said he hated Trump. 1.00

02:07:39.940 He said some fucked up shit about women. 1.00

02:07:41.760 Like, I just think he's a, and venture capitalist guys are fucking worms to begin with. 1.00

02:07:47.060 I don't trust JD Vance at all. 1.00

02:07:48.460 I think he's a piece of shit also. 1.00

02:07:50.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:07:51.460 I mean, just, I think he's a cut in the regular ass Republican that'll say any fucking fucked 0.99

02:07:57.820 up thing just to get into power. 1.00

02:07:59.520 He sucked Trump's cock after saying he was, he called him Hitler or whatever. 1.00

02:08:03.460 And he made a complete turn when he realized it was politically advantageous to be on Trump's 1.00

02:08:08.440 side. 1.00

02:08:09.000 I think he also is just a run of the mill piece of shit politician. 1.00

02:08:14.040 Like I just do. 1.00

02:08:15.140 And that's the thing.

02:08:15.660 I think all politicians is a weird thing to be, right?

02:08:18.900 But that's what I'm saying.

02:08:20.020 I'll say that.

02:08:20.440 That's what I'm saying is like, I've never been excited about, the politics I've been

02:08:24.040 excited about was Obama when I was 18.

02:08:26.540 Same, I voted for Obama.

02:08:27.680 And I think he did have a real opportunity to do something and it turned out he didn't 0.99

02:08:31.400 really do shit. 0.99

02:08:32.700 And then, and then he did. 1.00

02:08:33.900 None of, yeah.

02:08:34.500 But that's the, that's the thing that always happens.

02:08:37.240 Yeah.

02:08:37.700 At least that was something that was like, and I think part of that was Obama was just

02:08:41.360 too inexperienced.

02:08:43.220 I think if he had a little more, you know, he didn't know what he was doing with the

02:08:46.900 Senate. 0.97

02:08:47.560 His, the healthcare thing got completely fucked and universal healthcare. 0.98

02:08:50.940 I had Obamacare. 0.99

02:08:51.960 It was bad.

02:08:52.580 It was, they didn't, they, they ended up.

02:08:54.420 I still have some, a set of cups they sent me.

02:08:56.420 Nice dude.

02:08:57.060 You got, you got a mug.

02:08:58.460 That's the, yeah.

02:08:59.320 No, it's like, I kind of like some plastic cups of it.

02:09:01.780 I still use them.

02:09:02.820 Yeah.

02:09:03.480 They're cool.

02:09:04.500 But he got worked over by thinking he could, um, actually, uh, you know, find common ground

02:09:12.460 with the Republicans.

02:09:13.140 They should have just rammed the legislation down their throat.

02:09:15.960 They had both, both houses at the time.

02:09:18.020 Anyway, whatever.

02:09:19.000 Yeah.

02:09:19.480 The, and the only person I was excited about was Bernie because I think he was actually

02:09:23.120 in that run in 2016.

02:09:24.900 He was like, he would have been cool.

02:09:26.780 Would have been cool. 1.00

02:09:27.320 But the Democrats shut that shit down. 1.00

02:09:29.000 I, Hey man. 1.00

02:09:30.420 Well, one, I like Vance as a guy, seemed like a nice guy.

02:09:33.540 Yeah.

02:09:33.820 I know that like, like he's like, you know, they say like Peter Thiel is like the guy

02:09:37.760 that got him in office, that sort of thing.

02:09:39.080 Yeah.

02:09:39.500 But then you start to see that all these guys have backers.

02:09:42.180 Will things be different with some of these guys?

02:09:44.180 I don't know.

02:09:45.140 I think, but one thing that's cool is that we both like Bernie.

02:09:48.000 I like Bernie too.

02:09:49.220 I would have voted for Bernie.

02:09:50.520 And see, that's the, is I think those ideas unite people because he's just saying like,

02:09:56.000 look, we have issues to deal with.

02:09:58.720 There's real issues. 0.99

02:09:59.600 We're not going to pretend shit's good when it's not. 0.96

02:10:01.680 And let's find real ways to do it that everybody gets in every, that's real equality. 0.97

02:10:06.640 He wants to help everyone because it's not about, it's not, it's not a fucking, it's not 0.99

02:10:11.460 about like, you know, cultural shit. 1.00

02:10:13.520 It's about economic shit. 1.00

02:10:14.880 And more people are disaffected because of the, you know, people at the top. 0.99

02:10:20.100 And I think that's a message that everyone can agree with.

02:10:23.180 And I think when, when people aren't looking at things ideologically, if you just ask them 0.99

02:10:27.920 about issues, people agree on a lot of fucking issues, they want to be able to fucking buy 0.99

02:10:32.680 a house. 1.00

02:10:33.320 They want to be able to afford shit and they want to be able to fucking, you know, get 1.00

02:10:36.740 healthcare. 1.00

02:10:37.700 How many people do we know?

02:10:38.880 Like I have, you know, I know people extended, extended family, stuff like that, that are 0.98

02:10:43.440 struggling off shit that they shouldn't, because somebody got sick and it derails your whole 1.00

02:10:47.440 fucking family. 1.00

02:10:48.180 We talk about that all the time. 1.00

02:10:49.080 It's fucked up. 0.98

02:10:49.840 The number one cause of, I mean, we say this all the time now because it's one of the few 0.99

02:10:52.940 facts I know, but the number one cause of bankruptcy in America is medical debt.

02:10:57.200 Crazy. 0.99

02:10:57.740 And so it's a fucking, the whole system is a money laundering scam. 1.00

02:11:01.800 And I don't know why that hasn't changed. 1.00

02:11:03.520 And if you would think at some point, one of these fucking groups would be able to change 1.00

02:11:07.900 the shit, you know? 1.00

02:11:08.700 It's, I mean, there is so much money in politics and I was. 1.00

02:11:11.420 Right. 0.99

02:11:11.680 But it's just, it's so, people are so fed up with the fucking system. 0.98

02:11:15.640 I just, you almost want there to be a war to end it all or whatever. 0.98

02:11:21.160 I know what you mean, man.

02:11:22.360 You know what I'm saying?

02:11:22.840 I do know what you mean.

02:11:23.780 And some people do believe that.

02:11:25.060 Some people think there's no way.

02:11:26.340 Everything has to change because this is not changing over time, right?

02:11:29.600 Yeah. 0.96

02:11:29.820 Some people believe revolution is the only way to fucking do it. 0.98

02:11:32.540 Talk about a revolution. 0.98

02:11:33.720 Hey, Tony tried to start one.

02:11:37.560 That was the main reason, like Shane said it too, on his podcast.

02:11:41.480 It would have been so funny to be able to blame Tony.

02:11:44.000 If Kamala won, he would have just been able to, like, you bombed so hard that the part 0.99

02:11:49.760 of your candidate fucking lost. 0.98

02:11:51.660 How fun would that be to tell Tony for the rest of his life? 1.00

02:11:54.440 Yeah.

02:11:55.700 That's actually the thing I'm most pissed off about.

02:11:58.200 Supreme Court is number two.

02:11:59.980 After being able to mock Tony for the rest of my life.

02:12:02.880 That's what I regret the most about the election.

02:12:07.320 Oh, he was sweating.

02:12:09.420 I sat there and watched it with him.

02:12:12.020 He was sweating, man.

02:12:13.540 I think we could do, I know that we could do better in this country about being, making

02:12:17.940 useful things.

02:12:18.900 I was just looking the other day in Japan. 0.99

02:12:20.280 Is it in Japan where they have the sidewalks turn power of fucking building? 1.00

02:12:25.040 You're walking by them. 1.00

02:12:26.120 The fucking building's powered by people walking on this. 1.00

02:12:28.660 That's fucking cool. 1.00

02:12:29.800 Yeah, our infrastructure is so fucked, too. 1.00

02:12:31.580 It's like- 1.00

02:12:32.200 Our trains don't even work.

02:12:33.300 High-speed rail, we need, like, yeah.

02:12:34.840 Dude, our trains, if you're on a train, the other day, it got robbed by a bunch of people

02:12:37.980 on horseback. 0.99

02:12:40.080 Like, how the fuck? 1.00

02:12:40.980 The M-Track's getting the fucking, the 310 to Yuma treatment. 1.00

02:12:46.960 It's unreal. 0.99

02:12:48.140 Dude, you go to the post office, you go in there, you're like, yeah, I'm looking for

02:12:51.200 this package.

02:12:51.720 You get a piece of paper. 1.00

02:12:53.200 The guy comes back two days later and asks you who the fuck you are. 0.99

02:12:58.400 You're like, where have you been? 0.99

02:13:02.760 I know, dude.

02:13:03.420 You're like, what is even going on in here? 0.99

02:13:05.280 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

02:13:06.500 It's crazy. 0.99

02:13:07.220 It's falling around, dude.

02:13:08.420 Yeah, but it's like, meanwhile, we have all these homeless people wandering around town.

02:13:11.120 If you put them all in an area and set up one of these, because this floor in Japan 1.00

02:13:15.480 turns footsteps into electricity.

02:13:17.380 Play a bit of it there.

02:13:18.480 So you're thinking-

02:13:19.540 In Japan, even walking generates electricity.

02:13:22.620 Tokyo Metro-

02:13:23.720 I don't like this guy's voice.

02:13:24.840 The trains are powered.

02:13:26.500 The trains are powered.

02:13:26.520 The trains are powered.

02:13:26.600 The trains are powered.

02:13:26.700 The trains are powered.

02:13:26.980 The trains are powered.

02:13:27.660 The trains are powered.

02:13:27.760 The trains are powered.

02:13:27.820 The trains are powered.

02:13:28.260 The trains are powered.

02:13:28.760 The trains are powered.

02:13:29.760 Look at that.

02:13:30.260 But if you can get 50 or 70 homeless people to power a Jamba juice or something, you know?

02:13:34.020 I agree with you, dude. 0.98

02:13:34.800 How fucking great would that be? 0.97

02:13:36.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:13:36.120 They come out, they dance for 12 minutes or whatever. 0.99

02:13:39.240 And bam, the fucking- 1.00

02:13:40.340 It's exercise for them. 1.00

02:13:42.060 It's good electricity.

02:13:43.340 The blender's cut on in there.

02:13:45.300 And they get a free smoothie for their trouble.

02:13:47.460 What are we doing?

02:13:48.600 But instead, everybody's like, they need pills. 0.99

02:13:51.380 You know, it's like, fucking no, dude. 0.98

02:13:52.820 Well, that's a perfect example, though, of homelessness. 0.99

02:13:55.220 It's like, give them homes.

02:13:57.240 Yeah.

02:13:57.560 We have the-

02:13:58.480 We know what it takes. 1.00

02:13:59.760 Like, make fucking apartment buildings. 1.00

02:14:01.860 And, like, that has been shown to work. 0.99

02:14:04.220 And most people just don't have access.

02:14:05.860 But there is all this weird, like, we'll create non-profits to help the homeless that

02:14:12.340 cost more than just getting them little apartments.

02:14:14.860 They give them recipe books.

02:14:16.060 Yeah.

02:14:17.240 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:14:18.700 And they'll just keep busting them back and forth to different cities.

02:14:21.140 And he's like, it's basically political parties play Red Rover with them.

02:14:25.640 I know.

02:14:26.520 What they should do is, instead of busting them, sign them up for Southwest miles.

02:14:31.160 Yeah. 0.98

02:14:31.580 And then they get some fucking miles out of it. 0.99

02:14:33.620 Give them a Southwest credit card every time you ship them from Texas to New York to fucking 1.00

02:14:38.320 wherever the fuck. 1.00

02:14:39.460 And then they can go on vacation. 0.99

02:14:41.500 You know?

02:14:41.820 They can earn some miles, some points.

02:14:42.720 You're not free to cough about the cabin.

02:14:44.540 Yeah. 1.00

02:14:45.520 Someone's just hacking up a fucking dead sparrow in his throat. 0.99

02:14:48.720 And I only say that because I was in San Francisco one time. 1.00

02:14:51.520 My guy threw a fucking bird at me for no reason. 0.99

02:14:54.040 Oh my God. 1.00

02:14:55.220 Yeah.

02:14:55.380 It was a sparrow?

02:14:56.400 It was small enough.

02:14:57.720 Small enough.

02:14:58.280 Yeah.

02:14:58.380 It could have been a warbler, but I'm going to get him back.

02:15:01.420 Yeah.

02:15:02.240 We'll see.

02:15:03.180 You put an air tag in his bindle and you're tracking him.

02:15:07.140 You're going to get him back.

02:15:08.420 Every time I close my eyes, I still see what he looks like.

02:15:10.660 You know?

02:15:11.980 That's horrifying.

02:15:13.400 Birds to me are unsettling creatures.

02:15:15.380 Yeah.

02:15:15.660 To have one thrown at you is very tough.

02:15:17.800 The dirtiest surprise.

02:15:19.280 Yeah.

02:15:19.720 Yeah.

02:15:20.700 We did great, man.

02:15:21.520 Star Wars Man, the new movie.

02:15:22.840 Let's start a cult.

02:15:23.760 Let's start a cult.

02:15:24.420 Out on VOD right now.

02:15:25.500 Go to Apple, Amazon, wherever you like to rent movies.

02:15:28.660 Go check it out, please.

02:15:30.100 I'm begging you.

02:15:31.120 We got the calendar.

02:15:32.440 We have a new tour coming out.

02:15:34.140 The Dreamboat tour.

02:15:35.360 And yeah, I really appreciate you having me on, dude.

02:15:37.060 It's always so fun.

02:15:38.400 This is my favorite podcast to do. 0.99

02:15:39.660 It's so much fucking fun. 0.98

02:15:40.640 Really, dude? 0.96

02:15:40.920 I love it.

02:15:41.460 You're the best to riff with.

02:15:41.760 Thanks so much, man.

02:15:42.440 I'm going to come back in December so I can do yours in.

02:15:44.600 Please.

02:15:45.040 Yeah.

02:15:45.380 I would love to have you.

02:15:45.940 And I remember I didn't even know you were the guy from Comptown that I liked.

02:15:48.200 That was so fun, dude.

02:15:49.300 You were like, I met that guy once.

02:15:51.100 I was like, it was me, dude.

02:15:54.180 That's crazy, dude.

02:15:55.720 But I love that.

02:15:57.060 That's awesome.

02:15:57.820 Would it be?

02:15:59.360 Yeah. 0.99

02:16:00.040 We'll fucking play some Clapton. 1.00

02:16:01.680 I'll have you play a little guitar while I get my dick sucked. 1.00

02:16:03.920 It'll be like old times, dude. 1.00

02:16:05.840 Just take those old records off the shelf.

02:16:08.680 Thank you, Sal.

02:16:09.900 You're the man, dude.

02:16:10.560 Now I'm just floating on the breeze.

02:16:12.940 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

02:16:15.920 I must be cornerstone.

02:16:21.180 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.

02:16:25.880 And I found I can feel it in my bones.

02:16:30.960 But it's gonna tell you.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - November 18, 2024

E545 Stavros Halkias

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Transcript