This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Europe

00:00:00.000 that's it man that's it that's it that's it we elevators boy we elevators

00:00:07.660 we are elevators

00:00:14.520 some people stop some people never make it off the ground floor

00:00:21.560 some people they don't really have a bad they don't have that that rise in them that lift

00:00:30.000 you know everybody has a buddy who's just a he's an elevator but he's just only in the parking garage

00:00:36.480 you know he ain't even making it to the lobby at a building

00:00:39.440 but we're elevators man and some people their elevator it's uh out of service

00:00:52.340 sometimes you meet someone and i mean they should just have a sign on them they you know they ain't

00:00:58.960 ain't going anywhere so but we on the rise baby you know that

00:01:05.440 i'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could i be so far from my home

00:01:30.440 and i was far from my home bro your rope and my mind is somewhere else but when i

00:01:36.920 find it i'll patch up where it's been blown

00:01:41.400 now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i must be

00:01:51.720 cornerstone

00:01:53.960 oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can feel it

00:02:02.440 in my bones

00:02:04.920 in my bones but it's gonna take a little time

00:02:10.520 for me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind

00:02:17.160 shine that light on me

00:02:23.640 i'll sit and tell you my stories

00:02:27.640 shine on me

00:02:31.640 and i will find a song

00:02:36.120 i will sing it just

00:02:38.120 and now i've been moving way too fast on a runaway train with a heavy load of my

00:02:50.120 pain

00:02:58.120 okay okay okay

00:03:03.880 oh yeah

00:03:05.640 and the and the world sometimes the world you just

00:03:09.000 that globe you want to slow that globe baby

00:03:12.760 sometimes you want to slow that globe

00:03:14.760 i'm back i'm back from europe europe my up

00:03:21.960 our up

00:03:24.600 and europe if you don't know what europe is that's that original america

00:03:30.680 if you go over there some places especially

00:03:34.120 britain united britain kingdom

00:03:37.160 i mean they changed they got so many names for that place it's wild england britland scotland north

00:03:41.640 scotland wales um celtics rangers it's dude willie wallace is over there

00:03:49.400 and he done he done closed down to sherwin williams buying all the baby blue face paint

00:03:55.400 and they i mean it's ah

00:03:59.160 ah

00:04:03.800 good to be back

00:04:05.240 um and it was a it was a it was quite a journey it was a great time it was i'm going to tell you about

00:04:11.400 it what happened man um

00:04:14.520 yeah dude if you don't know about britain or

00:04:19.800 um

00:04:21.000 it's basically it's kind of like if say if america had like you went over to your grandparents house

00:04:29.480 and they had a bunch of stuff in the attic and

00:04:33.000 they got like a lot of like

00:04:35.320 a glass like a case with a lot of fancy

00:04:37.640 shit in it

00:04:39.080 like a lot of fancy um silverwares and

00:04:42.600 special spoons

00:04:45.240 dude sometimes your grandmother will have

00:04:49.000 like a little shiffer robe with some glass doors on it

00:04:53.800 some just straight up lying the witch in the wardrobe type of deal

00:04:57.960 and inside of it she'll have 30 spoons in there

00:05:02.600 like what in the hell is this man

00:05:05.080 is she you know is she free basin is she

00:05:08.680 you know cooking up that smack what's going on grandma

00:05:13.320 and that is a little bit like britain it's kind of like your grandparents house

00:05:17.080 they got a lot of fancy old stuff

00:05:21.000 um

00:05:22.760 they have

00:05:25.320 just like a lot of like you'll see a guy walking by he'll have one chain mail

00:05:30.360 you know he'll have a scroll he'll have something from

00:05:33.800 you don't even know how long ago it's from

00:05:35.560 you know you'll see somebody they're eating food

00:05:41.000 you know they're eating they're having like a 400 year olds aged uh steak

00:05:46.680 like dang man that's steak what is that

00:05:49.480 is that triceratops what is that

00:05:52.840 you don't they it's just

00:05:56.520 it's yeah it's like going to

00:05:59.640 your grandparents they got all the old they got a picture of a dude on the wall with a sword

00:06:03.880 like who is that

00:06:07.960 you know jerry sword who is that fucking pokey honest bro who is it

00:06:15.480 that dude's got that thigh needle bro he have that that sword right there

00:06:20.360 ready to take somebody's eye out or whatever do a

00:06:23.960 shish kebab do the onion and the meat

00:06:28.200 but man i'm i had a great time i'm going to take you through a little bit of

00:06:31.880 the journey of the journey um

00:06:39.720 yeah let me start off we'll start off with you know where it was

00:06:45.240 london britain

00:07:01.880 and that's a little bit of british theme music right there

00:07:08.760 and as you can tell from the music the theme is nap time probably

00:07:17.240 britain okay uh we started off went over to manchester

00:07:23.400 manchester and i don't know who this manchester is bro but

00:07:30.120 he

00:07:30.440 he is pretty much a lot of the in britain they're like

00:07:38.760 you know you don't everybody the real kind of

00:07:43.160 well first of all man britain

00:07:49.720 england has some of and i say this with love i really do because i thought a lot about it

00:07:57.720 england

00:08:00.360 obtained somehow some of the

00:08:02.360 the worst looking women i've ever seen in my life man

00:08:07.480 dude i look i love and

00:08:12.520 man it's hurt it hurts me to say it

00:08:15.400 but some of the women you're like dude no wonder they

00:08:19.640 i if i if those were the women i had to be around uh

00:08:23.160 uh visually i would go around and

00:08:29.320 enslave the rest of the world

00:08:32.360 they need a couple of bad betches

00:08:36.600 shipped in over there

00:08:39.160 it just uh yeah you'll i mean they just

00:08:44.280 some of the women you're like oh dang you a woman

00:08:48.360 oh man

00:08:51.080 i think that's the real reason if if if we could dig up a couple of these pilgrims

00:08:55.720 and do a seance on them

00:08:58.600 you know put that ouija on them bro

00:09:02.360 throw a couple of magic rocks on their back or whatever

00:09:05.400 or smoke a bowl out of their skull

00:09:07.800 and get their ideas

00:09:10.600 we would know for a fact that the real reason

00:09:14.200 that the pilgrims left england

00:09:20.440 whenever it was

00:09:22.920 1300 whatever a thousand whatever

00:09:27.400 was because they heard there was some tan

00:09:30.040 bitches

00:09:32.520 over there in

00:09:34.680 north america

00:09:36.680 some of those land bitches bro you know what i'm saying

00:09:40.280 some of those

00:09:41.880 outdoor

00:09:42.440 bitches

00:09:44.280 you know what i'm talking about indians dude native americans

00:09:49.000 because

00:09:50.680 the women

00:09:52.200 they just

00:09:54.840 they god bro

00:09:56.280 i would start a war with somebody too

00:09:58.120 if those were the women i had i'd start a war

00:10:00.760 i'd go warring for women

00:10:03.320 i'd roll a cannon down at a freaking

00:10:06.760 straight over to the

00:10:07.800 to the females in a different country

00:10:13.240 and i'd fight anybody that wanted me to not have those women

00:10:16.680 because

00:10:18.360 these ladies some of them

00:10:21.560 they're just i can't even they just

00:10:25.240 they look kind of i don't know and then

00:10:27.960 in britain the people a lot of them real and look thank you guys

00:10:33.000 thank you guys for coming out manchester you guys showed out

00:10:37.000 um

00:10:38.120 and this was now this i started in manchester bro

00:10:41.480 and so

00:10:43.160 in manchester i don't even know how the place got started probably this man

00:10:46.840 you know

00:10:49.240 you know he just said hey

00:10:51.400 i must chill right here if y'all want to be here with me

00:10:53.880 and everybody was like

00:10:55.640 all right chester bro we'll do it

00:10:58.760 so

00:11:00.360 but yeah the women bro they

00:11:02.680 just little they're all real kind of little

00:11:06.360 and their legs they don't have

00:11:10.680 all their whole body seem to look like a butt

00:11:15.640 their whole body seemed like a little like a like a kind of a

00:11:20.040 like a strong little butt

00:11:23.960 like a little uh

00:11:24.840 like imagine if somebody had butt all over their body

00:11:31.800 you know they're just covered up in that freaking cheek meat

00:11:36.520 you know and when they walk you'd be like even when they wave at you to see that ass shake a

00:11:40.600 little bit on their forearm everywhere

00:11:44.520 they smiling like dang they got that smiling ass meat face

00:11:50.200 kind of and that's you know how it was they just

00:11:55.160 that's what it was like over there

00:11:57.400 and

00:11:59.560 and in england a lot people are just kind of like

00:12:10.600 and everybody i call them the white japanese man

00:12:14.520 because

00:12:16.680 the british they're very traditional

00:12:19.160 okay you have

00:12:20.760 ton of tradition you have a lot of

00:12:22.840 of i think kind of inner turmoil

00:12:26.920 and like

00:12:28.920 inner kind of pain and

00:12:33.160 there's a lot of like family name

00:12:36.200 honor

00:12:38.600 and they kind of keep things chill until they get drunk and then they lose

00:12:41.720 they absolutely lose their

00:12:42.760 shit and they turn red

00:12:46.040 and basically that's the jet that's the white japanese

00:12:50.520 very

00:12:53.480 to me they have that they had that white japanesey kind of feel

00:12:58.440 like i bet at night secretly a lot of british people put on

00:13:02.280 karate suits

00:13:03.240 because they know in their heart

00:13:08.920 and deep down in their bone marrow

00:13:13.240 where

00:13:13.560 they are

00:13:16.200 they are really from

00:13:18.840 and they are the white japan

00:13:21.240 um

00:13:22.680 and everything is pudding that's what they have for

00:13:25.560 i don't know what it is

00:13:26.520 you want the pudding pudding

00:13:29.560 pudding man

00:13:31.000 blood pudding pudding

00:13:32.200 you had a pudding pudding

00:13:35.000 hey mister

00:13:36.680 me stop pudding

00:13:40.360 and some of the ladies look like they had about 7 000 servings of pudding dude

00:13:45.320 and they just look like a pudding in a boot

00:13:48.440 i mean damn bro and they have

00:13:50.680 oh man i feel so ice cold and look i'll say this i knew that the women were good looking when

00:13:58.280 i was getting hit on i was probably one of the i would say 7 000

00:14:04.440 best looking women in england when i was there bro gang dog

00:14:10.600 yeah

00:14:13.640 but with that said man uh yeah we got to man and it just was you know really glum there's a lot of

00:14:20.600 like

00:14:22.040 like eeyore is probably from there from the paddington winnie the pooh you know where's my tail

00:14:28.600 that guy

00:14:30.360 you know probably that some folk call their sling blade

00:14:34.200 and that kaiser blade that dude sling blade probably would be the mayor over there

00:14:39.400 because it's got that real

00:14:42.760 ambiance you know it don't have much ambiance it's got that ambiance

00:14:46.760 like ambiance is like nah

00:14:51.000 and that was the start we started off in manchester but the shows were good the show it was

00:14:56.760 you know it's the starter

00:14:59.880 when i'm starting something up it's you know it's like

00:15:02.520 you know to go somewhere and you get off the jet and the the plane and the people and you got to do it

00:15:11.880 you're like damn i gotta do it still

00:15:15.080 um

00:15:15.320 um but the crowd was real nice supportive and uh

00:15:20.680 and i didn't change much material i would kind of try and talk about the area a little

00:15:25.560 but since i just got there in manchester there wasn't anything to discuss yet

00:15:28.760 because i was fresh to the gate and i was fresh to the gate bruh like that freaking lettuce dog

00:15:38.360 um and then uh we went to hold on i know where we went to ireland

00:15:58.760 and that's some irish music right there and that is from a group called rune dale

00:16:10.120 rune doll and ireland showed out this was i think a monday night in dublin we had two shows

00:16:18.280 and they uh the irish i got this jacket i got this soft jacket from there from trinity college

00:16:27.160 college and we went into trinity college in dublin and they have the oldest library

00:16:36.520 this is like where hogwarts keeps its hogs you know this thing

00:16:42.840 old i mean some of the books you open it up dude and your great-grandfather's in there

00:16:48.840 you know washing his legs in a bucket like damn this thing old do you open one book and uh

00:16:57.000 saint peter's in there reading an even older book like damn dude i opened up one book bro it had

00:17:06.120 time in it you know time bro from the beginning of time it's just falling and falling out

00:17:14.440 dewey decimal was there he was there man he had hurt his leg but he was there

00:17:20.040 and we went into this library and it's the oldest library i think in like in earth in planet earth

00:17:28.040 they haven't found anything else that's older

00:17:32.040 and it's priceless they said the value of the books in there priceless trinity college the library's at

00:17:39.640 and you can even go and check the books out i mean if you i'm sure if something happens to one of them

00:17:48.120 you're you know you're gonna work there for the rest of your life but you could go check it out

00:17:53.960 but what happened yeah people came out in ireland brought oh a guy brought me some great art

00:17:58.760 uh it's all it's like great and not great you know it's kind of

00:18:03.640 this young artist bro mccloskey this is the boy's name and yeah and yeah i mean it just

00:18:13.720 once you go from england ireland you get a bit more

00:18:18.040 the tradition's a little bit different the tradition gets a little more i would say alcoholic

00:18:23.480 you know people's just um you know they just feel they just

00:18:32.040 they

00:18:35.000 i don't know there's a lot more it's just more whimsical

00:18:38.680 you know you'll see a dude just walk you know washing using a nice bar of soap over there like in

00:18:43.160 a puddle you're like all right and they're tough people there too the real you see a baby i saw a

00:18:50.040 baby getting pushed in a little carriage bro you know and he and it was windy i mean they probably

00:18:57.240 had 30 mile per hour winds just right on the street and this baby's whole head just

00:19:03.480 just really chill he could you could tell he was

00:19:07.480 he was just toughing it out though that's the irish bro they tough it out

00:19:13.080 this baby had a little russet in his jaw bro

00:19:15.320 you know he had a fucking half a kilo of potat in his cheek and he was just tatering against the

00:19:22.760 cold just

00:19:26.920 and his mom was just pushing him

00:19:30.200 and you could tell this baby he was gonna

00:19:33.080 you know he and nothing would stop him for the rest of his life because he was

00:19:38.600 he was dealing with it all right now

00:19:40.200 i mean when you 11 months old and you going straight face to face against 30 mile per hour winds

00:19:48.120 i don't think the baby had a damn hat on or anything he had a diaper he had a very strong diaper

00:19:55.160 and and the baby honestly might have had a tattoo man the irish are wild

00:20:00.920 and they're real pale too

00:20:02.520 so i mean i'm kind of you know i'm racist but i ain't fucking irish racist dude that those do as

00:20:11.720 soon as you see them you're like damn i'm white but i ain't this white bro

00:20:17.480 dude they really they whitened it up

00:20:21.880 um

00:20:24.040 what else yeah but that baby you'll see the mom will just if the baby gets too he can't handle the the

00:20:28.920 the the the elements the mother you'll see him the mother lick his cheeks and wetting them up

00:20:37.080 you know or just lick his eyes shut real quick but let the baby get some rest

00:20:42.760 but in dublin man the people were great

00:20:48.120 and it was just a lot of like kind of stop and go was like you go you get to the place you get

00:20:53.000 some food you get and then and then you get moving and then you get going to the next place

00:21:00.680 um oh i saw prince harry and megan they left and if you don't know about it then you can know

00:21:07.400 about it right now prince harry and megan left and uh that's so wild but if i was a prince

00:21:13.320 would i just they gave up the titles kind of

00:21:21.960 and they moved to canada and america

00:21:27.480 that ain't really roughing it you want to rough it give up the titles move to uh serbia

00:21:35.000 and montenegro dog you know you want to rough it move to um

00:21:44.280 you know saint louis and

00:21:48.680 afghanistan

00:21:51.720 you know but giving up the titles would you give up the titles

00:21:56.760 the titles are kind of old-fashioned i guess

00:21:58.920 i mean i think that some of the thing is crazy i mean i don't know

00:22:05.640 i don't know man i got a lot of schools sometimes i wish we had a king

00:22:11.320 you know i wish we just voted and we just had this kind of strange dude wandering around in a building

00:22:15.560 somewhere you know and practicing jousting and shit like that and doing thumbs up or thumbs down

00:22:23.000 every time a new uh bad boys movie comes out

00:22:25.560 out so you know if you have to see it or not

00:22:31.240 and then they you know

00:22:35.000 but yeah they're giving up the titles man if i was a prince would i give that up

00:22:43.000 but harry was the wild harry was always the wild one he was in the military he seems like the cool

00:22:47.960 cat you know he had his wiener out in vegas dude that's a regular guy

00:22:52.920 i mean hell he could be president next you know

00:22:57.000 in two terms it makes you kind of

00:23:01.640 the lady they got the baby

00:23:05.720 yeah i'm saying if you're going to give up the titles though they're going to still be

00:23:10.200 i think they kind of just didn't want to live at the house that's what it sounds like

00:23:13.960 they wanted to get out of london they wanted to get into maybe something just more of an adventure kind

00:23:18.440 of um

00:23:21.400 and plus his brother charlie is the

00:23:27.320 yeah harry's the duke i think yeah the other boys that were going to be the king

00:23:32.520 dude if my brother's going to be the king bro

00:23:35.000 fuck you guarantee i'll be out fishing dude dang bro

00:23:40.120 i ain't just gonna hang out at the house and watch my brother be king

00:23:43.320 king come on boy

00:23:49.000 dude i'll grow my arms out and be out there chasing you know or i would um

00:23:58.200 dude if my brother's the king i would be up to no good

00:24:02.360 i would get some neck tattoos and probably get a dodge charger

00:24:06.440 and drive past the middle school or the senior or the high school even though i'm too old to be

00:24:12.600 there and floor it and make the ladies hot bro let the ladies get that damp canal bro let

00:24:19.560 them tighten up when they see daddy roll by

00:24:23.560 if i was like

00:24:27.000 young i'm not talking about now i'm saying if i was a young

00:24:30.440 i don't know what i'm talking about but i'll tell you this i'm happy to be home and i'm happy to

00:24:38.040 have been there thank you very much england for the support and for coming out dude it was crazy to

00:24:44.040 go to a place uh and to have people come out um i'm going to get right back into more of it first

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00:26:08.600 theo that's shipstation.com enter offer code theo make ship happen we got a call that came in

00:26:19.640 um and i want to drop it on you right here gang

00:26:26.280 oh hey theo it's rebecca from london in england uh yesterday thank you for calling rebecca it's very

00:26:34.680 nice to hear you call cheers me cheers miss mom all right sorry i've been practicing my english

00:26:42.920 onward me and my boyfriend came to see your daytime saturday show at the shepherd's empire and we

00:26:52.840 loved it thank you very much that's really uh that's nice to hear you saying you got a beautiful

00:26:59.000 accent too that accent out is now on the women it sounds nice and you sound really really you sound

00:27:06.360 beautiful onward amazing we had a really good time um we wanted to check something out with you though

00:27:13.960 since you were walking off stage out of sight we thought we saw you shake your head and now this could

00:27:21.080 have been out of triumph or perhaps there was somebody waiting in the sidelines that you're happy to see

00:27:26.680 but maybe you were disappointed in something we don't know but um we wanted to find out what you thought

00:27:33.480 about the show what your reflections were in general how you felt the london fans differ from

00:27:40.520 your us fans uh anything really we uh also taken a couple of 15 milligram hitters just before so we

00:27:48.600 could have got this totally wrong and uh sorry if we did look we were sitting at the back of level one

00:27:55.000 and everyone around us was having a good time we were having a good time please keep doing what

00:27:59.480 you're doing we love you gang gang gang gang madam uh wow what a sweet call and even just hearing your

00:28:07.560 voice just reminds me suddenly it takes me right back to being in england and i'm sorry i'm sure you

00:28:12.760 are a beautiful lady and and now i feel horrible about saying that about some of the women uh but um

00:28:22.360 you know you're right actually the afternoon show in london and i hadn't talked about london yet

00:28:27.000 london was a different experience than manchester london is very bustling um it's it's very um

00:28:37.560 diverse you have a lot of different uh it just feels more worldly it's huge also every building i'm like

00:28:47.400 is that the buckingham palace and people are like nah dude uh you know that's a wendy's

00:28:54.680 like dang bro well wendy's living larga out here papa you know what i'm saying dude obviously she

00:29:05.080 moved on from that little uh you know she was being a probably a call girl for old dave thomas and she

00:29:11.080 moved on and got herself a nice spot out here um no you're right though i was in london and the

00:29:18.280 afternoon show was tough it was just like

00:29:25.000 i felt like it started off good and then i felt like it just i don't know got a little tough and

00:29:30.680 so at the end i just i wasn't happy i was not happy with myself on the way off stage and it's so funny

00:29:37.240 i do remember looking at ari because he's always standing off stage when i get off and uh and just

00:29:42.040 shaking my head like dang so you're right you're right about that um but i'm glad that you liked it

00:29:50.280 i'm glad to hear that that feedback you know that's my brain you know i have the brain that doesn't let

00:29:58.520 me it always finds something to not be you know it chooses not to be proud of me instead instead it

00:30:09.000 chooses to give me these other options first um but i'm also a perfectionist i want it to be great

00:30:17.720 you know i appreciate everybody who came out even though i canceled on you guys or adjusted

00:30:23.720 chris d'alea cancels bro and that's can i believe that weather remember when he canceled because of

00:30:30.680 weather dude wind bro wind dude wind is not anybody dude you could cut a fan on right now and cancel a

00:30:41.480 show but that being said um yeah it was just that was a tough one that afternoon i think it's just the

00:30:49.720 afternoon dude nobody won't fucking out it's hard to do it in the afternoon it's hard to to to to

00:30:56.200 pretend like 3 45 in the afternoon is 8 30 at night and that show i even did more material than usual

00:31:03.800 um and just tried to give you guys all i had uh but that venue was hectic they weren't um

00:31:12.920 they weren't allowing me to do meeting greets there so that was a tough thing it was what was the issue

00:31:19.160 oh two of the shows we couldn't because of the time and so i don't know i guess i felt like it would

00:31:26.120 have been unfair um but it but london was cool man we went down i had a friend one of my friends kevin

00:31:33.160 came and visited me over in london just friends nothing wild or nothing like that

00:31:40.360 not that there's anything wrong with being wild if you're a gay man

00:31:44.040 that's great dude good for you you know you did it

00:31:50.360 you know because anyway a lot of these bitches are driving a lot of us crazy so i'm glad you got

00:31:54.440 you know you found something you like

00:31:57.800 and and it look it's scary sometimes you wonder you go to another continent are you going to be a gay

00:32:03.560 man there because i don't know the exchange rate on sexuality who does

00:32:10.120 you know you could fucking you could fly to nigeria and you know you wake up you a damn

00:32:19.240 you know you a five three redhead and a gangbang it just you don't

00:32:24.280 we don't know sometimes how it's going to shape out

00:32:29.640 but but i would be shocked if i was gay man i would be i would be extremely surprised bro

00:32:36.520 if i was gay bro i would be like are you sure

00:32:43.560 because i would just it would really i would be extremely surprised

00:32:50.520 but that's so perceptive of you especially after you was on them 15 milli hitters

00:32:54.920 you and your man out there and i hope you always touching each other's bodies a little

00:32:59.800 because one thing i miss about getting high is just touching my body or touching somebody else's body

00:33:04.760 female body tit god bro makes you feel excited huh um but yeah that was a show i had a tough time

00:33:14.760 with that one and there was one other one

00:33:19.880 was it in oslo oslo i felt like was kind of tough but we'll get there we're still making our way

00:33:26.520 uh we're making our way across but yeah london was the other one london is just yeah you go out at night

00:33:34.440 it's very posh and that means fancy you know you'll see a guy some guy dressed up like ichabod uh crane

00:33:43.640 and then you'll see somebody else fucking you know dressed up like um

00:33:51.960 like jc penny or somebody you know just it's really you know like donnie nordstrom or something

00:33:58.920 or fucking sandra marshalls they got everybody's just fancy

00:34:03.800 you'll see a dude wearing a damn train track or something you'll see a guy wearing uh

00:34:09.800 uh he's got a jacket made out of fucking worms

00:34:16.040 you know 14 karat gold actual worms you're like dang that's what's going on

00:34:24.040 you know i'll go fishing with that jacket i'll catch a big i'll catch moby dick

00:34:29.240 on a 6 000 pound test line bro i'm going in i'm going in um

00:34:35.320 um what else happened in london

00:34:41.560 that's it that's it that i really remember you know it does you you also start to remember where

00:34:48.520 time started and everything and where you know or basically where white time started

00:34:53.240 you like you know you're in the uk and you see people from

00:35:02.360 you know ireland and you're like oh okay the name megan you know you hear the name somebody's like oh

00:35:07.400 this is megan you're like oh i know now i see where megan started where the name came from

00:35:13.000 or you'll hear um you know uh uh cara you're like oh okay cara we say cara but i see this is where

00:35:23.640 or maybe that's just the accent i don't know but there were things you're like oh okay i see how

00:35:29.080 this we're doing this in america but it started here you know it's just like going to your grandparents

00:35:35.000 house and seeing the pictures on the wall you're like oh okay that's where i came from oh yeah i

00:35:41.400 remember uncle ronnie yeah i remember him yeah oh yeah yeah he had two wooden arms bro

00:35:49.560 and he used to play the drums dude of course he did but you're like yeah yeah i remember

00:35:55.880 and everything is like a artifact everything is historical um and they got beef dude united kingdom

00:36:09.640 it should be like yeah united because they got they beefing man britain's brexit in

00:36:20.040 um the other uh scotland is divvied up and they got north scotland or north ire somebody got

00:36:27.560 fucked they're trying to get their own shit the scottish

00:36:33.480 you know ireland they're partying bro dude ireland man those people are some happy people

00:36:41.720 there's some happy people man um and the band played on brother and we moved on

00:36:46.920 and i didn't know what to talk to people about over there so you know me i'm talking about

00:36:53.160 shit the only things i know revolutionary war titanic

00:37:00.920 so that was the toughest part about being in the united kingdom

00:37:06.040 was just some of the conversation and charles dickens or chuck dick a lot of people called him

00:37:12.520 him when i was growing up and chuck dick was also a uh pedophile about two towns over

00:37:20.680 over from slide l louisiana and i never met him but i heard about him bro

00:37:28.360 one of the more popular pedophiles when i was young

00:37:33.720 but all right let's move on we got into some other places and some other music and the next

00:37:39.000 place we went to was scotland glasgow

00:37:53.000 and that is some scottish music right there by a band trabant 33 trabant 33 with that hit right

00:38:15.640 there um okay you get to glasgow and it's uh it's a lot of hills and it's raining and it's about

00:38:29.960 55 degrees fahrenheit and it's raining even when it's not right if it's not raining a lot people call

00:38:38.120 that sunshine like it would just be raining a little and people like oh man it's beautiful we're having a

00:38:43.800 a wedding today i'm like what you're in a wedding out here

00:38:50.600 you're gonna have a half inch of rain you can have a half inch of rain at the nuptials brother

00:38:57.800 come on it's beautiful it's really beautiful

00:39:02.920 and the accent got if in britain it was like oh you want yeah you don't

00:39:07.080 and then in ireland it was like money money

00:39:13.800 and then you got to glasgow and people wasn't even one guy just talked in all just uh

00:39:23.160 l's and k's

00:39:31.960 like what bro you're the mayor

00:39:37.960 um but the people of glasgow man right when you look in their eyes they're beautiful

00:39:43.240 they're good people man they're good people in there they have cigarettes even for breakfast

00:39:47.640 you see a six-year-old over there banging out a uh you know a door owl

00:39:57.560 you know you'll fucking you'll slip you know you'll reach up the sleeve of a of a nine-year-old

00:40:01.800 girl and she'll have two winstons in there and a thing of cinnamon gum

00:40:07.320 like damn all right they staying warm out here

00:40:11.800 and in glasgow you would a lot of the men if you were out and about at night the men get real

00:40:18.520 close you think all the men are gay but it's just because they're friendly

00:40:24.760 you see nine dudes hugging each other around the neck and you're like dang everybody's loves

00:40:30.040 men here it's me you know the women they never gonna have any

00:40:35.400 you know little chickadees because the men are just

00:40:38.200 you know just loving each other but it's just friendship

00:40:44.840 it is just friendship but you can't tell because they're just such mates they call it mates

00:40:50.440 and checkmate that's when you're either playing chess or you actually are fully on

00:40:55.560 you know you full-on homosexual and that's beautiful man isn't everything is great about

00:41:00.600 that if you're homosexual bro then you did it

00:41:07.080 you know so that's great um but yeah the scottish man it was great we went out in glasgow

00:41:13.880 i put a video of it on my instagram

00:41:17.560 and it was just electric it was electric and then hung out in glasgow for two days

00:41:24.520 oh and yeah just kind of dreary rainy stayed at a nice place there though it was a nice so

00:41:33.880 nicest hotel we stayed in and the people of glasgow man just walking up and down hill just

00:41:39.880 you know just getting it done eating haggis and i think that's

00:41:43.640 that's basically the i don't want to say it's i think haggis is like the stomach or

00:41:53.560 it's like the damn whatever connects your stomach to your nuts bro that's what it is and it's scottish

00:41:59.480 and they they eat it so no wonder they drink i drink too if i eat that if i had a

00:42:05.640 in half you know if i had two panfuls of somebody else's nuts i'm having a mickelob light bro no doubt

00:42:13.480 about it um and yeah i heard they had a lot of cocaine in scotland i didn't have any but that was

00:42:23.080 like a popular export that i heard about i think a particular specific i mean that was just it that

00:42:31.880 that was the uk it was a lot of it i mean it was just great it was just a lot of go go go

00:42:40.040 people think oh did you travel did you get on a camel did you do anything man i didn't

00:42:47.080 by the time you get off stage at night there's no places open to eat you got to find a spot to

00:42:50.600 eat and next thing you know it's 1 a.m and you got to get up early and cruise and so that was just

00:42:58.520 the vibe it was a lot of go go go but thank you guys so much over there for coming out in the uk and

00:43:06.440 man i'll say this everybody oh uh big this dude ginger monkey came out the biggest dude i ever seen

00:43:13.480 and his buddies have him he could eat a banana without even using his uh hands he could peel

00:43:18.120 it right out of there with his teeth and everything and his buddies kept having him do it the dude probably

00:43:22.760 head fucking nine bananas after the show and i was like yeah put him in the zoo bro do whatever

00:43:31.080 you got to do i think the guy could be homoerotic

00:43:38.520 you know this guy could be the mayor of west hollywood in probably 45 minutes

00:43:41.880 all he need is one good youtube video

00:43:47.240 but that was that man oh yeah what oh a lot of for the breakfast they had a lot of like meats

00:43:55.320 like you somebody give you a cut you know nine little cuts of uh of beef for breakfast like what

00:44:00.520 in the hell you know every meal seemed like you read like you were in the military

00:44:06.040 like a little pot of beans and a little some hard piece of bread and uh like what is this like

00:44:15.400 like like oh it's it's uh it's the uk mate

00:44:22.280 and that was more in britain but but the people were great man across the board over there and i love

00:44:29.000 you guys and thank you so much for coming out uh and just making me feel welcome even after i

00:44:35.000 uh couldn't make it in the first time in september um yeah and uh here let's take a call we'll take

00:44:43.800 a call that came in and we'll get to some other things but yeah you were right about that young

00:44:47.080 lady i was i was shaking my head after that show and for some reason the afternoon was tough i never

00:44:51.880 did a show in there i never did it evening that evening or the afternoon deal i never did it and

00:44:59.720 now i did it so let's take this hitter right here gang dude this is kyle from texas i was just calling

00:45:07.240 because i knew you were going to be in europe this week and uh i just wanted to see if you tried those

00:45:13.080 cheddar and onion chips in dublin me and my wife one time we got to go there and uh the bartender

00:45:21.320 suggested these things and they are so good man i don't even remember who makes them but cheddar

00:45:26.840 and onion potato chips theo you gotta try them dude and if you do tell me what you got about them

00:45:34.280 man i love you gang gang gang brother yeah thank you for calling i didn't i didn't i just got the

00:45:40.120 message today from you but i didn't i don't know if i had the chips or not i don't remember what i had

00:45:45.960 i had some eggs i remember and they got some birds over there you know they're taking eggs off of old

00:45:52.280 school birds out of an ostrich out of a damn stork you're like oh shit you know they got eggs out

00:45:59.960 the bible over there they got old school food over there um and they give you a little pot of beans

00:46:07.400 with everything oh you can't read here's a pot of beans oh your cousin lost his limb out there in a

00:46:12.760 fire here's a pot of beans for you oh you never seen breaking bad here's a pot of beans man

00:46:25.080 yeah the british is like everybody's keeping a secret but nobody will tell you it's almost

00:46:29.160 like you're at a funeral but nobody will tell you who died that's the vibe i got like this kind of

00:46:35.240 sullen sort of

00:46:38.760 like everybody was playing a game a clue but no one ever even opened the board the box so

00:46:44.760 you're like where who's colonel mustard everybody it's just i don't know um

00:46:51.880 but you know i think everything's cool between us and them i think overall everything's cool nobody

00:47:00.440 nobody nobody one girl at a bar got offended that we're from america and i don't know what she was

00:47:10.120 upset about but this honestly bro if she got upset because we're from america she got she got she was

00:47:15.720 upset before that her parents were probably both upset whenever they were making love to make her

00:47:20.200 her so gang man um and then the next place we went to was

00:47:32.680 amsterdam

00:47:36.840 and before i tell you about it i have to tell you that i have been taking care of my crotch

00:47:43.320 crotch and if you listen real close you can't hear a lot of wind going past my crotch

00:47:51.080 because there's not a lot of hair around it at the moment and support for this past weekend

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00:49:29.480 at manscaped.com and use code t-h-e-o onward to amsterdam

00:49:59.480 and that is a hit from amsterdam high six is the name of that band h-y-s-i-c-s

00:50:15.480 with that regional hit called made in amsterdam

00:50:20.600 and that's a strong you could feel the beat in there you could feel the undertones and the

00:50:24.760 the different overtones as well amsterdam the dutch baby the dutch

00:50:33.720 by far some of the most aerodynamic people you'll ever see

00:50:38.280 i mean they're the dutch are downhill they're downhill individuals

00:50:42.840 they will they are in motion imd baby the in motion dutch

00:50:49.240 you you don't see a lot of still dutch name 70 still dutch

00:50:54.760 nobody can brother okay they're in motion doesn't matter they're on a tram they're on

00:51:01.240 roller skates uh they're sewing a magic carpet and riding on it at the same time

00:51:06.680 the dutch are doing things if you don't have any missiles fill your freaking dutch buddy's mouth

00:51:13.000 up with gunpowder and send him on his way bro he'll get the job done they are movers uh

00:51:23.480 tell someone in amsterdam to keep a secret no problem they're they will never stop long enough to even

00:51:29.320 share what you told them i mean everywhere you go in amsterdam they're just

00:51:37.320 get on on a train on a bike on a boat on a bird on a rumor on a breeze it's just

00:51:43.880 the dutch are coming and going i saw a dude pass by on a falcon putting on skis

00:52:02.200 and worried he was going to be late uh for a regional avalanche they are on the move where

00:52:11.960 are you going brother oh there's a ship you know there's a unicycle there's a bicycle doxycycline

00:52:19.720 rocky johnson i'm catching him he's headed to heaven um yeah gotta catch the five train man to a canoe to

00:52:28.120 a uber pool that actually drains into a real pool and it's a whirlpool and then i'm meeting

00:52:35.400 your invander salute and hopefully the bermuda triangle will still be open because we got to be

00:52:42.840 there i can't believe they let people get high there okay there's way too many moving parts

00:52:50.360 it's almost like trying to smoke a blunt in the middle of a game of tetris on difficult i mean i can't

00:52:58.600 being high there just everywhere there's just it'd be like being high in a like a in a conveyor belt

00:53:04.040 factory bro nah fam nah maybe you know catch me i'll be in the hammock area but

00:53:17.880 amsterdam they the dutch man i'm saying i'm telling you they're aerodynamic for a reason

00:53:24.280 because they're on the move and look if you see if you see a dutch person this is how you see them

00:53:34.040 that's a dutch oh what's oh what's that oh that's a dutch

00:53:39.640 what's that oh is that hail nah that's a batch of dutch son the dutch are coming

00:54:05.880 and going they're in motion whoa somebody just pulled the floor out from under me

00:54:11.400 nah that's a shift son that's plate tectonic dutch

00:54:17.320 beautiful city beautiful people but you got to be ready to move

00:54:25.240 to move everything's in you know even the cows there they running bro they're not grazing they'll

00:54:32.200 you'll see a cow jump over the moon dude and do it a couple times that day everything there

00:54:41.720 on the go you get a steak at night there's no meat on it this cow damn who's this carol lewis

00:54:49.800 this thing ran right out of his own meat and the steak be like a damn nugget bro

00:54:55.640 like a beef nugget you could throw it up in the air

00:54:59.880 and that's nothing bro you know you got a mouth full of uh amster steak stay dutch baby

00:55:09.880 stay dutch

00:55:13.400 all right let's take another call that came into the hotline

00:55:16.360 what's up theo uh quick question for you what do you what are your thoughts on the candle that uh

00:55:22.600 like when if paltrow brought out that supposedly smells like her the gene

00:55:30.360 oh um

00:55:34.520 yeah look here's the thing

00:55:39.400 if we can sell the candle

00:55:43.000 then at a certain point you're gonna you i think you're gonna have to legalize prostitution

00:55:48.920 because here's the thing you put that in your window some guy stops by

00:55:58.120 you know some guy climbs in your window with an erection

00:56:03.640 yeah he's not in the right but

00:56:07.320 you know we're creatures

00:56:08.520 and we have senses you know we have up to five senses and

00:56:13.720 um

00:56:16.920 you can't

00:56:21.080 you know you can't say you selling whale meat and i get there

00:56:25.720 and they ain't got no fucking blubber in the cupboard you feel me

00:56:28.600 if you put two titties on the sign and i show up for uh let me think some titty

00:56:41.640 you can't get all pissed

00:56:45.880 so that's the thing you throw a couple of uh vajandals out there

00:56:49.240 and somebody shows up

00:56:55.880 wanting a little bit of serving of uh you know cooter cat

00:57:01.720 you can't don't be shocked

00:57:07.720 you

00:57:08.040 you know

00:57:10.600 don't be shocked don't be shocked if an obgyn shows up at your door

00:57:16.360 with some uh you know tongs or whatever i don't know what they even use

00:57:21.240 probably not i mean something just don't be shocked

00:57:26.040 you know you got a vajandal or you light a vajantern in your yard

00:57:31.240 don't be shocked when a couple of uh dobermans and heat show up

00:57:36.360 you know or a couple of um

00:57:39.400 you know maybe a local soccer team they're running doing doing laps around the block

00:57:45.240 and they beeline over and bring a couple of freaking

00:57:49.000 everybody's got their own goal post you know what i'm saying

00:57:52.120 you know what's next they're gonna have probably vaginamite

00:57:57.960 people aren't sure you know somebody lights that and throws it somewhere

00:58:02.040 and everybody thinks that some local lady ruined everything

00:58:08.040 you know and then next thing it's a vajistles bro

00:58:11.400 you know the militaries they shooting vajistles over there into the middle east

00:58:16.280 and them things land and they already hate women but now

00:58:22.040 their noses are gonna make them think they have reason to

00:58:26.440 you know they're you know the vajessence that's going to be left in the air is going to

00:58:31.800 tell them that they are vajustified and that's enough v words uh i think

00:58:40.200 but yeah i don't know when does it stop

00:58:42.840 i i think gwyneth didn't think of this through

00:58:48.600 so but thank you for the call brother i appreciate that

00:58:51.400 all right let me tell you one more thing that i need to tell you right now and that is about

00:58:55.240 skill share it's the time of year where you need to look real hard into the mirror are you happy

00:59:02.520 with where you are i don't know if i am i don't think i am

00:59:09.080 did you make the right choices with your life

00:59:10.920 are you the person you want to be i mean dang these are some real hard questions

00:59:17.880 but the answer really is simple and that is skill share make 2020 a year where you explore

00:59:25.720 new skills deepen existing passions and get lost in creativity with skill shares online classes

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00:59:44.520 to communicate with somebody you want to do it well you don't want to be talking to somebody about

00:59:50.120 architecture and then they you know next thing you know they don't know how to you know they

00:59:54.680 trying to make a pizza you're like what you know they trying to order a pizza or something

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01:00:49.880 membership that's two months free at skillshare.com theovon get skills and thank you for supporting this

01:00:58.920 past weekend thank you guys all for your support it's just uh it's nice i'm a lucky man um

01:01:10.760 and just that's one thing i noticed after the shows going over there in europe was just the same

01:01:17.400 it's the same people that come out to the shows the value of just just loving good people

01:01:25.240 um that were podcast listeners you know the stand-up's a different thing i love stand-up is my job i mean

01:01:33.720 but you know podcasting has become of universe for me it's become

01:01:39.400 for us you know it's just the amount of people that i meet that are just so supportive of me

01:01:44.200 uh

01:01:47.720 man thank you you know it means a lot to to have somebody care it means a lot

01:01:56.680 and

01:01:59.720 and just the fact that you know that my higher power has given me people that care on such a level where

01:02:05.400 i get to meet so many of them it really just inspires me a lot

01:02:09.960 um

01:02:14.840 um you know it inspires me a lot not to give up on things when i want to so

01:02:23.080 uh

01:02:25.720 yeah i just feel pretty blessed and and i hope that you can feel that too sometimes

01:02:31.640 um

01:02:34.600 and i hope to be able to do whatever i can to be a part of making your life feel good

01:02:38.760 uh

01:02:41.320 and most of the time it does a lot of times you know i think we

01:02:44.440 we're we're thinking too much and you guys remind me that a lot of people saying hey man you're

01:02:49.560 just being too hard on yourself and this and that

01:02:52.440 um

01:02:53.880 but just also there's so many fun people man we came out we showed out man

01:02:59.560 thinking of somebody that came to one of the shows uh

01:03:01.800 uh this gentleman came to the show down there in uh lafayette let's take a peek

01:03:08.840 what up theo this is your boy jeb and brought us to georgia um

01:03:12.920 i actually came and saw what's up jeb over there in valdosta

01:03:16.520 and valdosta i mean that's a place that

01:03:24.200 in valdosta georgia sound like you could get a damn biscuit there that's

01:03:29.560 better make you freaking buy land locally that's how good it is i bet gang onward

01:03:33.960 saw your show in lafayette and i showed you a picture of the little camper 1964 model camper i

01:03:39.960 was staying in over there and my girlfriend wasn't having it but oh yes

01:03:47.160 let we gotta um i'm gonna get this and i'm gonna put it in here yes dude uh onward

01:03:54.120 she had to stay there because we had to go see you and uh you told me to send it to your instagram

01:03:58.200 so i figured i'd send the video i uploaded a video for premature nick to get to you so

01:04:03.720 there's a nice little video of it it's a cool little place we actually stayed in it two nights

01:04:08.360 and uh i think she she enjoyed it more than she said she did but uh okay and he's talking about sex

01:04:14.920 right there onward yeah she enjoyed the show she's always giving me a fit about watching your

01:04:21.320 podcasts all the time but funny thing is she posted um on the ride home she posted a video

01:04:27.800 or a picture saying that she had become a fan of theo vaughn and uh that she thoroughly enjoyed

01:04:35.320 the show so you got a new fan out of that and she got me the coffee mug this past weekend coffee

01:04:40.920 mug oh nice christmas but i hope you're having a good new year and having fun over there in europe

01:04:45.320 brother love you love you too man thanks bro man it's so nice of you dude

01:04:51.160 that's nice of you to come out yeah i'm gonna um we're gonna edit that video in uh i'm gonna peek

01:04:56.600 at it in a second but thank you man thank you and thank you for bringing out your lady she sounds like

01:05:01.400 a nice lady and i'm glad that you guys went somewhere and had fun let's look at this picture

01:05:06.200 of this joint yes bro if you guys are on youtube you can see what's going on here and this is a very

01:05:12.600 limited style

01:05:15.240 cuba kyle right here they got

01:05:19.480 this that pink and white that two-tone

01:05:22.920 they got her a picture of eyes on the back

01:05:26.440 and the eyes are like the eyes that every kid draws when they're like in kindergarten who's not gonna be a good artist

01:05:31.980 or like second grade there's always kids who are gonna be a good artist and they draw like a damn you know

01:05:37.260 moan and lisa and then the rest of us draw a damn fucking shotgun sally out there

01:05:42.620 with two eyes and it's all it's all we could do in the eyebrows and then we kind of give up a little

01:05:47.020 bit in the nose and mouth look bad but yeah this man look at this picture's right here let's see

01:05:52.940 oh there we are right there with dustin the diamond poirier right there

01:05:59.180 man what a great night that was

01:06:00.540 man we raised some money for good fight foundation

01:06:04.860 and we did all that together man that was cool

01:06:08.540 you know and it's part of me sometimes even when i'm doing the fundraising and uh

01:06:17.100 that doesn't want to be sharing that doesn't want to be caring man

01:06:23.580 you know that wants to be that just i don't know that's the dark arts bro

01:06:28.620 but then i see this picture man it makes me feel good look you and your girl smiling beautiful lady

01:06:35.100 both of y'all looking fucking fine as fuck really bro

01:06:40.300 oh damn there's me right there kissing a lady on the cheek oh hold on we got

01:06:46.540 okay a text too that came in uh this is um camper guy he's sending in what's up nick

01:06:51.900 here are the pictures and videos a 1964 camper i didn't have a pic of the tarp on top in the airbnb

01:06:57.740 listing damn airbnb and here's a pic of theo kissing my lady and staring me in the eye bro

01:07:04.460 you know what i'm saying that's how we do it the chickens weren't in the listing either but they

01:07:12.540 were a nice addition the dude that owned it also had cocktail hour every night bet he did and played

01:07:17.420 his homemade accordion on the front porch and nick said we have a video of that here

01:07:21.340 let's see that action jackson oh okay here's the cottage right here we're gone from the maryland

01:07:29.100 monroe unit

01:07:34.460 oh hell yeah there she is oh they got indoors and outdoors huh oh that's beautiful

01:07:41.820 oh the tires are flat yeah you can't you ain't gonna roll anywhere dude the dutch would hate it

01:07:45.580 the dutch would hate it let's see if we got that music here's a hit of the music that the man did

01:08:01.500 dude this might have to be one of the best airbnb listings ever and that's that acadian that's that

01:08:07.260 that's that uh bootleg zydeco that's that cement zydeco right there

01:08:11.900 because it's got a little bit of spanish moss in the pipes but he's also

01:08:15.500 it sounds a little bit urban right there bro one more hit of that

01:08:29.180 wow that has a very scottish vibe too man the scottish are basically like louisiana in uh england

01:08:35.420 that's what it's like just a lot of good people man in the irish everybody's good but i'm just saying

01:08:40.220 you get over to scotland you have somebody who'll have a cigarette for breakfast bro

01:08:44.300 you know what'd you have for breakfast oh i had nine dorales baby

01:08:47.980 you know what i'm saying on the easter egg people you know they real religious around there

01:08:53.420 you'll have somebody dude they grilling up they got

01:08:56.220 peanut butter sandwich but both ends it's body of christ bro and pb in the middle dude and you never

01:09:02.620 put jelly on the lord so back that sweetener out of there bro gang

01:09:05.900 let me see how we get your lady sending a video too thank you for this i'm gonna kill him i'm gonna

01:09:13.100 kill him jeb has me all the way over here in lafayette louisiana in a god dang trailer

01:09:19.260 like camper damn bruh yeah she sounds real pleased brother i will say that

01:09:27.340 um if you guys get a chance to check out the youtube you got to see this place

01:09:30.940 that maryland monroe airbnb listing there out there very rare very rare in lafayette

01:09:41.340 um let's get into the last places we went on the tour and the next place we went to was oslo norway

01:10:00.940 and that's that banger right there called national anthem works w-o-r-x

01:10:23.900 and uh in norway it was it was bright outside for maybe 50 minutes a day norway and sweden you

01:10:33.660 hadn't there was literally you could be eating cereal at breakfast and if you took a long time to

01:10:41.020 eat it it was bedtime that's there was i i think people went to work for maybe 40 minutes

01:10:48.380 it was just it's if you like to there's not a lot it's a good place if you like to read if you want

01:10:59.660 to read go to norway great place to just you haven't read something you need to catch up on maybe i don't

01:11:09.100 know 600 books maybe you didn't do the you know fifth through 11th grade norway

01:11:22.380 you got time to read it's easier to read in norway if you can't even read go to norway because you can

01:11:30.300 it is oh it's just a good place to read and a lot of like viking type of people too you see a lot

01:11:41.820 of men with long hair beautiful women um amsterdam had beautiful women um

01:11:49.660 um but yeah you see like a lot of a lot of people you know english is is definitely more secondary

01:11:59.340 language there so you have they use a lot of f's and j's in their words

01:12:07.180 like i dude i was in a conversation i didn't know what i couldn't tell if i was friends with somebody or

01:12:13.100 or if i just like bought car insurance i had no idea what was going on

01:12:16.700 dude sometimes it would be like i didn't i thought you know you thought you you just met

01:12:27.740 somebody and next thing you know they you know they give you 40 or something and they take your

01:12:33.820 necklace off your neck you're like what what just happened here

01:12:40.060 yeah there were just some of the exchanges you didn't know what was going on

01:12:42.780 and dude you could hurt your neck saying a word one guy he got stuck saying something he was like

01:12:55.020 and i i had to fucking pat him on the back real hard and two boiled eggs fucking came out of his

01:12:59.500 mouth bro it just is a lot of you do you put you throw your back out finishing a long sentence dude they

01:13:06.140 got and everybody in norway has a backpack on they got these people i don't know what's going on i

01:13:13.980 mean i guess they just you never know when you might end up on a mountain you never know they got a

01:13:24.380 backpack they got ice pick fresh water salt water cold water they got all kind of water new water old

01:13:33.260 water water water water they got water's daughter dude just wet bitch rolling by like nine this lady

01:13:42.220 i don't even know what's going on dude and they had also in uh in a lot of these countries they got

01:13:48.860 the same type of dude i grew up with daniel bro you'll see him in different countries he's got on

01:13:53.340 a dutch hat over there and he's got a windmill over there and he's using it to just you know to help

01:13:59.500 him get harder hits off of a vape you know you'll see him over there in amsterdam and they call him

01:14:06.780 amsterdam bro and he's out there throwing mushroom dude giving mushrooms to uh you know to just

01:14:13.820 throwing them into the mouths of the passing dutch you know when he's training goldfish dude with a small

01:14:19.900 wand so it just you know the dark arts tour brought out the dark arts themselves

01:14:27.500 and the last place we ended up in was uh stockholm stockholm

01:14:37.740 and oh i had reindeer i had reindeer

01:14:46.380 dude what you having for dinner uh prancer dude let me get a couple of them freaking uh prancer medallions

01:14:53.820 bro you know throw me 40 kilograms of cupid over there and um you know we'll throw it in a soup we'll

01:15:00.940 do a booyah bass boy damn you throw fucking two jingle bells in this flank steak son and we doing it

01:15:07.980 and that's brave as hell stockholm

01:15:13.740 y'all eating rain

01:15:15.980 deer

01:15:20.140 what

01:15:20.460 what y'all what else y'all having over there hey let me get a couple of them uh

01:15:26.460 yeah care bears yeah let me get a couple of them oh mother goose yeah i'll take uh two of her eggs for breakfast

01:15:33.980 yeah let me get that um let me get a little bit of care bear jerky oh yeah i'll take some let me get

01:15:40.300 seven pounds of it you know how many care bears have to

01:15:45.340 take a perma l so you can have seven pounds of cbj bro

01:15:50.700 but they had reindeer and i ordered it and you get a small like that's the saddest part

01:16:01.020 you get a leg it's about a foot long you're like damn this thing

01:16:05.660 i mean they killed it a little early bro you could have at least let the thing metastasize or whatever

01:16:12.380 you could at least let it heighten out

01:16:14.860 at least let it play jv i mean this thing they took its life early

01:16:19.500 the whole leg you could see right from hoof to uh to butt probably about 11 inches like dang

01:16:28.220 this little reindeer this thing hadn't even played this thing hadn't worked for santa this

01:16:31.740 thing hadn't even worked for delta probably

01:16:34.940 you know this thing was in the prelims if anything this thing was probably helping out a local crop

01:16:40.060 duster i mean this was a small rd bruh and it came and look i hate to say it but i had it

01:16:53.100 and reindeer look at me man look at me over here too

01:17:00.140 and back over here it's good

01:17:03.260 it's good if you don't think reindeer is good then you shouldn't think reindeer is good

01:17:16.460 it tastes like beef went to college bro that's what it tastes like it's a very organized meat of

01:17:22.540 course it is dude you know it's built to shuffle gifts across the universe so you can't come into

01:17:28.540 that all haphazardly you know wag you ain't got shit on this little fucking you know on one of the

01:17:36.300 lord's you know seven favorite gift horses

01:17:41.420 so i i don't know what it was you know i don't know if you want a couple

01:17:45.500 you know you want a couple of uh prancer medallions or you want to you know

01:17:50.940 you want the burn ends of blitzing whatever you want they got it so the swedes man

01:18:02.140 oh it's i i can't believe y'all are doing it but

01:18:07.100 it's that is that is the darkest of arts when you take something out of a children's

01:18:13.580 you know what's next what what else what else is on the menu clifford the big red dog nuggets

01:18:21.260 what else is on the menu sweden peppa the pig pate huh which what else y'all serving huh

01:18:29.740 just a just a uh a kielbasa of children's dreams and that's sweden man and that's sweden

01:18:37.500 and that show in stockholm was that was fire that was fire and look some of it look you know

01:18:46.860 everything was great man i'm not trying to sound ungrateful they were all great i'm just trying to

01:18:50.380 be honest with you about how i feel about the shows about how i feel but you know my brain i have that

01:18:56.300 terminal thing that always wants to kick me in the in the d you know my my brain my ego puts on big

01:19:03.260 boots every morning just to kick me right in the freaking d bro um gang man let's take another call

01:19:11.180 here here we go uh my name's thomas i just wanted to say listen to that oh thomas man yeah oh man i

01:19:18.540 used to know somebody named thomas dude hell i used to know probably six people named thomas man

01:19:23.500 so so that's awesome man more podcast again and i thought about how interesting it was to

01:19:30.700 kind of get a perspective you know not from a big name person but from the everyday man

01:19:35.260 i just thought it would be kind of interesting i'm kind of biased but i'm a firefighter uh paramedic

01:19:40.140 and i just thought it'd be cool if you had oh that's dope man my friend is a paraplegic and he um

01:19:48.940 what else does he do he does he does a lot of different shit but sorry onward got any buddies that

01:19:53.820 were like maybe like doctors or nurses or uh you know firemen uh emts or something oh yeah we're

01:20:01.020 gonna get some different people in man i appreciate that suggestion man to get kind of uh maybe get

01:20:05.980 one of them guys on the show because i know i've got some pretty interesting stories and i love hearing

01:20:10.380 other people's stories i think you know like a first responder type of dude or even like a subway

01:20:15.660 sandwich artist would be kind of interesting oh i love that idea that subway sandwich artist bro

01:20:20.700 because most of those shops get a b that food b yeah first responder what about that last responder

01:20:27.500 that's what i'm talking about dude i'm talking about that guy that shows up about 30 minutes late

01:20:32.700 to a cardiac arrest you know and he's over there huffing down a winston bro and complaining about

01:20:38.380 his stepmother like damn bro that's what i'm talking about that last responder i'm talking about

01:20:45.820 le cedric you know what i'm saying who shows up over there two hours late you know and he

01:20:51.260 fucking he uh and he forgot his work shirt so he's dressed just in personal clothing you know

01:20:57.580 he's dressed just in a uh uh cincinnati bangles jersey and he's trying to do cpr on you you're

01:21:04.300 like damn man i've been look i've been fine i'm i healed up i healed up 45 minutes ago

01:21:09.740 you know that's what i'm talking about i'm talking about old deborah you know who's a little much on

01:21:18.220 the outside of the age range to be a first responder you know when she gets caught up over there she

01:21:24.380 forgets to keep the walkie-talkie volume up because it hurts her it makes her uh shingles flare up

01:21:30.540 so she's she shows up you know maybe 45 or 60 minutes late to a um you know to a house fire

01:21:40.380 and she's over there trying to tell you you know tell you y'all shouldn't be smoking cigarettes you

01:21:45.740 know like what are you talking about this was from a space heater seven people died and she's like all

01:21:51.820 right you know well i'm gonna read my reader's digest over there by the truck you know i'm saying

01:21:58.380 i'm talking about these last responders that's what i'm talking about where are they at the real

01:22:05.740 people bro i'm talking about the bootleg ambulance dude who shows up because he keeps that scanner and

01:22:12.380 he rolls up you know hey for 40 dollars bro i'll get you to uh you feel me for 40 dollars i'll get you

01:22:20.140 the urgent care bro you know you could bring two people with you that's a five dollar up charge right

01:22:25.580 there gang so that's what i'm talking about that's that's what i'm talking about you know i'm talking

01:22:32.780 about big willy i'm talking about big willy in the church van he's like well i'll take you over there man

01:22:40.220 god wants you well brother i'll take you over there you know hell we'll stop at my cousin's house

01:22:47.420 you know make me uh make a uh merloton casserole grill up a uh grill up a pumpkin you ever had a

01:22:56.300 hamburger stuffed pumpkins like what son what are you talking about that i broke both of my legs and

01:23:02.460 just fell off a building he's like oh well it's free man it's free you know i'm working with the

01:23:08.060 church so i'm talking about these last responders that's who i want to know about

01:23:12.620 that's who i want to know about um what else we got man everything came in cool i'll see you guys

01:23:20.780 this weekend i'm going to be in denver colorado uh i think that sold out we got las vegas coming up

01:23:25.980 january 31st and february 1st um those are that's in las vegas yeah uh gold country casino oroville

01:23:35.660 casino february 15th and then the queen elizabeth theater in toronto for february 20th

01:23:41.740 um that's kind of what's going on right now oh that's that i think we got through that's europe

01:23:51.100 i mean there's so much more to it but we did it and i just and i tried man we tried our best man we

01:24:00.060 got out there i was taking cold showers before the shows just to make sure my energy was up

01:24:04.300 um you know and we did it we got through it you know we got through it and and just

01:24:13.180 yeah getting to meet people were so nice people you know brought out some gifts i got somebody brought

01:24:18.220 me a little pair of shoes for a child somebody got me um a couple things of candy uh art my boy

01:24:26.220 mccloskey dude one of the best and worst artists in ireland hit me up with that home stretch piece

01:24:33.900 um i got this from trinity college i got this adult fitness band that i have on my head

01:24:42.620 and this is for kind of snow fitness

01:24:45.340 and that kind of thing um and yeah i would come back i would come back in a heartbeat

01:24:56.540 and just the vibe that everybody had of like hey thank you for coming here man it was cool

01:25:02.060 you know uh i'm just grateful man i tried my best to make the stories fun and

01:25:08.060 um and um and just to be a part of y'all's lives and thank you very much uh for welcoming me over

01:25:17.500 there uh all right let's get out of here today man you guys be good to yourselves we'll be back

01:25:26.940 this week we got bobby lee coming in um we got some other great guests coming up uh really excited

01:25:34.540 about it uh it's gonna be a big year king and the sting is back this week um and everything's okay

01:25:43.740 you know and thank you guys for making me feel okay and don't give up on yourselves you know we got this

01:25:54.940 we'll be okay

01:25:55.660 you know everything's gonna be cool uh and i love you you know and i do love you

01:26:07.020 and uh thanks for staying in shitty airbnbs or not shitty ones but just unique airbnbs

01:26:13.340 uh to come out and be a part of my dream and and to be part of stuff that that this past weekend is a

01:26:19.180 part of it means a lot and and that's it man be good to yourselves you deserve it and good to be

01:26:28.300 back in america you know people want to curse a lot of people want to curse america right now

01:26:33.020 and stuff because of different things and that's to me that is crazy man

01:26:40.540 you know it just i don't know how some people

01:26:42.860 i don't know it just doesn't help us i don't know i don't want to say some people but

01:26:48.140 it doesn't help us to live somewhere and to be

01:26:52.060 ungrateful for it

01:26:56.860 you know the news wants us to be so angry man but our hearts don't i believe that man our hearts do not

01:27:05.020 um are you guys be good to yourselves man

01:27:07.660 we'll uh we'll head out of here on that some of that old scottishtown gang

01:27:25.020 we'll head out of here on that some of that old scottishtown gang

01:27:48.140 ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll

01:27:52.860 be sharing thoughts on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to

01:27:57.580 pleasure your partner the answer may shock you sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i

01:28:03.500 won't and as always i'll be joined by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages a lot

01:28:11.260 of people are talking about kite club i've been talking about kite club for so long longer than

01:28:16.780 anybody else so great hi sweetheart he's a deal anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy

01:28:24.860 bloody wanker jermaine i'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry sorry sir but our ice

01:28:31.980 cream machine is broken oh no i think tom hanks just butt dialed me anyway first rule of kite club is

01:28:40.380 tell everyone about kite club second rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club third rule

01:28:47.260 like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on youtube yeah and yes

01:28:52.620 don't worry my brad pitt impression will get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - January 20, 2020

Europe ｜ This Past Weekend #255

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