Frovember | This Past Weekend #242
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 42 minutes
Words per Minute
157.45354
Summary
It's finally November, which means it's time to chop down all the crap and fall into the end of the year. The holidays are zooming towards us like a meteorite and Stevie Starlight has some thoughts on why we should wait until we're dead.
Transcript
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Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza. Gray Block Pizza. It's that pizzeria that makes you really smile.
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And if you've had it, if you have it in your mouth, you just know you're really going to fall in love with yourself.
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It's time to chop down all the bullshit and fall into the end of the year. You got me?
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The holidays are coming. You can hear Santa out there.
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You think that's a couple homeless fighting over a Dura log? Nope.
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One of them Dura Flame logs like I heard in Cleveland? Nope.
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Listen outside your window. Put your ear up to the ground.
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What is that, a horse hoof? Nope, that's a deer.
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The holidays are zooming towards us like a meteorite.
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Wouldn't that be crazy if they had a meteorong and it's like,
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it's like, oh, hey, I just thought I was supposed to be a meteorite,
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Or he, like, doesn't do well on his tests or whatever,
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They could be higher than a mountain Set me free, just don't say goodbye
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He really, it's just that farm animal that runs right into your brain with that fat
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He said, hey, why must we wait when we're alive?
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Some girl's like, oh, you know, I'm doing sex with everyone this time
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You know, or somebody's like, oh, yeah, dude, it's crow-vember
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You know, I'm getting, I'm buying a crow from the pet shop
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And they're like, yeah, I'm doing it for like leprosy or some kind of
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It's like, oh, it's, um, you know, it's, uh, it's, um, it's fro-vember
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And I'm gonna grow out my, you know, I'm gonna grow out my fro
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Or, you know, if you're white, you only can do a fro around your, around your wiener
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Or a lot of men get that rear butt fro at the baseline of each butt cheek
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They'll have a, a strong, real isthmus of hair right there
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And you could, cause sometimes you'll see a man at the gym or something
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And I don't see a lot of those men cause I don't look at them
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But every now and then, you know, my phone will run out of, uh, power
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And so I'll have to look at other stuff in the gym
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And you'll see a man in there whose backside is all wet
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And you have a lot of, it almost looks like his butt looks like two closed eyes
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And the, there's a ton of hair right there at the bottom
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Cause I'll, you know, almost coming off of like, like the closed eyes of, you know
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You know, his butt cheeks, each one look like a closed eye of his butt cheeks
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And you see they got a lot of hair right there on a man sometimes
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But, it's interesting that, that, uh, yeah, but yeah, they just got too many, um, too many different things
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It's Movember, you can't shave your buddy, you can't do this
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I can't name them right now for some reason, but, uh, but there's just too many different
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It's like, oh, we're, um, you know, we're not gonna open our eyes
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It's like, it's dark Vember, you know, and for two weeks we're not gonna open our eyes
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And we're raising money for, um, you know, for blind people or something
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You're like, uh, I'm not doing all of that shit
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You know, I gotta ride my bike to work, I'm not doing it with my eyes closed
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So, you can eat a can of, can of straight up street side ass meat, if you're thinking about that
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But, what's happening, yeah, it's November, we're getting into it
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We're getting into it, it's never too late to come over
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A real beauty about life, you get these, you know, they, you just get the, the next day comes around
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You know, it's like, the powers that be the existence, you know
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It's like, uh, life just everyday opens up that fresh can of hot fish right there for you
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And I had a, you know, I ended up going with like a newsy costume
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Like it used to be, when I was young, somebody had a paper route
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You'd see some little kid, you know, somebody, this guy
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Somebody, little Daniel out there, smoking a cigarette
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And somebody would ride their bike in the morning and throw papers out
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And my mother used to do, my mother used to deliver, uh, newspapers and magazines
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But, this was, you know, she was real regular at it
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Where you would hear a lot of children would get out and do a paper route
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Nowadays, you can't get one of these little assholes to frickin' make
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You know, to make his own, to make a salad for himself
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And, you know, just groups of people walking by
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It's kind of like the Mississippi River for like gay men
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They got, you know, everybody's just popping and locking
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All types of people out there, costumes, everybody
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Walk into a bar, they're meeting some ladies over at a spot
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And this guy might have been kind of like maybe Filipino
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You know, we had a group of people growing by us
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And that was just one of the most traumatic things
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I don't know how many mermaids you're allowed to keep
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I said, damn, they gotta throw this boy back, man
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I didn't understand why they didn't get into it
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You almost don't want to have somebody see you touching them
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You could take something to throw it as far as you could
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And it just seemed like some real thoughts out there
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Somebody abandoned this little mermaid over here
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You know if I was gonna be Bernadette Wilson or somebody
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I haven't been wanting to do that much stuff sometimes
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Just makes it a little bit more accountable for myself
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It's not a trick question if I know you know it
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What did you think first of that Gastelum Till fight?
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Darren Till was saying some things after the fight
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And like was thinking about trying to make excuses
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So like that's why he was like kind of tentative
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But he said he kind of like settled in the whole time
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Like I don't know enough about fighting to know
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They just never find ways to really combat each other
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It's just sometimes people's stylistic matchups
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I don't know if you saw any of the videos of it
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Some people build their house out of other people
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It's almost kind of become like a real chop shop
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I wonder if there's just like a little bump out the gate or something
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But I wonder if somebody over there is doping them
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I mean the last one was just like less than a week ago
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I feel like there's going to be a big backlash against horse racing pretty soon
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Like I feel like there's going to be like a documentary about horse racing like Blackfish
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Yeah they had one Blackfish and this is how they treated it
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Yeah well it almost makes you not want to go there and really bet on them
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And it also makes you wonder if there's a bigger conspiracy
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Where it's like oh let's send some sick horses out here
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To start to get the thing get the vibe out there that we don't want to do this anymore
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Where sometimes at the rodeo they'll tie like a kid to a lamb or something
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And they just have like a lamb just at the speed of lightning
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What was called a consensual relationship with an employee
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He said this was a mistake given the values of the company
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I agree with the board that it is time for me to move on
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Dude if you can't fuck somebody at a fast food shop
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You know first of all you know how hard it is to work at a McDonald's
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I mean can you imagine even the diet that they're on
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Probably doesn't even lead to healthy sexual organ
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And it's just so it's like most people met at work
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Or they met you have to meet somebody somewhere
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You can't even fuck somebody because both y'all
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You know filled out resumes at the same building
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I mean does this say that he was like abusing the person or anything
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I don't think they have a lot of companies out there
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I'm way more concerned about the people fist fighting
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In front of the register that shows up on Twitter every couple of months
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Dude sometimes you know I'll go through the drive thru at the McDonald's
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And you almost want to offer to fuck the person who's working in there
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Especially if you're like a youngster you roll in
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The first thing you do is like fuck with them over the loudspeaker
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And they kinda get like a little bit of way light gardening over there
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Just pulling up and the lady knows me and she's a fucking Patriots fan
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That's what she'll say all kind of shit like that
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I'm like don't you think if I fucking was had a good life I would even be here
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And I know the machine's broke but I'm gonna fucking order it again
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Yeah man I think let me get let me get into some of these calls
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Hi Theo this is Scott in Baton Rouge, Louisiana
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And somebody would come up and just hit him for
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You know they could have fun for a little while
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And then you know my wife got into an argument with her
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And she said some very hurtful things about my wife
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Not only have I not talked to my mother in about 5 months
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Hopefully I'll see you out there when you're on the road
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That dude was just a little roadside trout out there
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Maybe some of our listeners have a similar experience
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They just weren't used to the transparency of it
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You know we don't wanna admit that the world changes
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You know that could be the denouement of it all
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You know to throw that body water into each other
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Just because you put something next to each other
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If somebody sees you shoot a gun twice in the air
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It's usually really clear communication with people after that
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If you gotta shoot something up a little bit to get that animal then
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I've been attacked by a lot of different animals
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A lot of people you wouldn't think they'd have a parrot in there
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But I have a lot of dreams where you see there is a parrot
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Three old dudes go out to the desert to visit a kid
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You know aardvarks or something up in that bitch
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Just cause I've been sleeping with somebody's wife for six months
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It's like the pan that has the little hinges in the middle
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So then you either need to build up to start to part ways with the animal
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Or you need to fucking get a stack of matches dog
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So every now and then something's got to torch out
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Hey Theo, Kayla here from Paso Robles, California
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It sounds like somebody about to get naked in Mexico
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Well let me put the ladder a little closer to the window
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And then my cousin was picked up by Homeland Security
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For trying to smuggle in 17 kilos worth of methamphetamine into the States
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Now that donkey was not in Bethlehem I don't think
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They don't show you the x-rays, the MRIs of the animals
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And I thought I would call and get that off my chest
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Thank you so much for having this hotline to vent to
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I didn't know that she had an addiction problem
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Because having a vagina, that's definitely Jesus
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You know, if I had a wiener that had like a little
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What are those things where you put the butter on them
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A vagina becomes basically just a place to hide something in your body
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And you guys, if you want to support the podcast
01:09:08.720
Look, I'm struggling right now with pornography, man
01:10:13.720
Because here's one thing that I don't like about therapy
01:10:59.720
You can start communicating in less than 24 hours
01:11:14.720
Which may not be locally available in many areas
01:11:43.720
Because one of them always had to do with the other
01:12:31.720
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01:12:33.720
You won't ever have to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room
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Better help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches
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Better help wants you to start living a happier life today
01:13:55.720
And I'm just tired of just going in these circles
01:14:22.720
You know, and I know there's better stuff out there
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But he was having trouble finding qualified applicants
01:16:03.720
Zip recruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you
01:16:08.720
It's technology identifies people with the right experience
01:16:17.720
It's saying, hey, who cares enough to make a good resume?
01:16:27.720
Those are the people I want to apply for my job
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See why Zip recruiter is effective for businesses of all sizes
01:18:01.720
I feel like he doesn't really give a shit about me
01:18:11.720
Whenever my dad would say he was gonna come pick me up
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And I remember my brother always telling me like
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Unless your mother didn't allow him to be around
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You know and I think just do your best to love your brother
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You know and if he doesn't communicate it that well
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Or doesn't communicate it the way you want it to be communicated with him
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You just gotta find some way to just find some joy
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Because the blessing is you could have been your father
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You know the higher powers that move you guys up a generation
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We're gonna make you the pivotal piece that can change it
01:25:52.720
That can change the behavior and change the course
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And he's the one who can turn this river, you know
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And if you think it was probably enjoyable for your father
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I couldn't imagine anything more painful than not seeing my kid
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That in my real heart of heart would hurt me more I bet
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Two six year olds just came out of the closet, bro
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They have the, that's where the Mississippi River begins
01:28:28.720
About three and a half hours south of Minneapolis
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And so they don't know that Minnesota and Iowa share a border
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Where family just kind of takes a different perspective
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Kind of had an accident when I was in high school
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You know, so kind of felt like I needed to step up
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So I'm back home, we're farming, it's harvest time
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Getting those soybeans and that sweet corn out of the ground
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When you care about somebody and you go help them
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It's just, it's just been a humbling experience
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Because, dude, you think about all the kind of corn they have
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If having nine types of corn ain't enough for you
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This young man didn't think he was going to be out there
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If you have more of a homoerotic kind of tendency
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Buy somebody a little thing of tater tots for lunch bruh
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Somebody at work you think y'all don't get along