This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Good to Be Back ｜ This Past Weekend #237

00:00:00.000 You know I am boy. You know I'm that little titty kitty. You feel me? Meanwhile, you know sometimes I think about just covering my body in rare fur and just kind of milling around on a couple of, you know, titties.

00:00:21.020 You know, them sternum nuggets, baby. Them big dogs. So that's where I'm at today.

00:00:34.460 Oh, I want you to know that today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza and Gray Block is a beautiful pizza establishment.

00:00:44.640 If you've wondered what it's like to have something Italian inside of your face, inside of inside of your frickin little flavor hole, then that's great.

00:00:54.520 Then that can't that can be Gray Block Pizza. They've got Italian choices for you.

00:01:02.400 Gray Block Pizza, 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach in Los Angeles. Gray Block Pizza. Get that hitter.

00:01:11.120 Let's go.

00:01:14.640 Let's go get drunk outdoors.

00:01:17.920 My face under the dance floor.

00:01:21.420 Let's go get drunk outdoors.

00:01:25.840 If you got money, you can get a little bit.

00:01:29.000 If you got money, get that hitter. 0.54

00:01:32.060 If you got money, you can get a little bit.

00:01:35.300 If you got money, get that hitter. 0.54

00:01:38.340 That is North Mississippi All-Stars, and that's their new song, Drunk Outdoors.

00:02:03.040 And when you do that, when you do actually do that, and you drink outdoors, it's really, one thing that's really, that really when I would drink outdoors in the past, that brought me a lot of joy was being able to urinate immediately.

00:02:21.720 You know, inside, if you're in a domicile or you're in a homestead and you have to urinate or you have to pee out, you have to usually find a special area to pee, special area to drop water.

00:02:42.540 But if you're outdoors, you can piss, you can, you know, you can flow out wherever, you can piss out wherever.

00:02:51.380 And it's very normal.

00:02:55.500 Animals will see you urinating outside and they're not kind of, you know, they're not whispering to other animals, you know.

00:03:05.840 Oh, look at Gary's wiener, you know.

00:03:10.100 Or he, you know, he, oh, you know, Tiffany has a real, you know, she has a real weak stream, doesn't she?

00:03:17.420 He, you know, animals will not communicate with, they're not, they're not up to as much chicanery and as much, they're not making fun of you as much. 1.00

00:03:27.120 Whereas indoors, if you're indoors, you got to pee, the dog follows you, you know, the parrot, if they have a parrot.

00:03:34.360 It's like, you know, looking around in its cage, wondering where you went, but secretly knowing that you've kind of snuck off to urinate.

00:03:42.460 And that's one thing that I do enjoy about, about if you are going to drink anything outdoors, Kool-Aid, water, milk.

00:03:53.100 Milk doesn't make as much urine because your body steals a lot of it.

00:03:58.240 But water, soda, pop, what else?

00:04:04.000 Ice, carbonated water, carrot juice, other juices, those things can create, you know, a full, decent blast of urine. 0.75

00:04:17.740 So, oh, good to be back in the studio.

00:04:22.920 I just flew in, I got on this Nicaraguan hitter that somebody gave me.

00:04:27.680 A beautiful young fella, I can't remember his name.

00:04:32.480 And it was him and a couple of other Ragwans showed up over there. 0.99

00:04:35.840 And this was in Milwaukee, outside of that Pabst Theater.

00:04:43.100 And man, it was the sweetest gift.

00:04:45.920 You know, and this fella said he grew up over there in Nicaragua.

00:04:50.240 Nicaragua.

00:04:50.560 And it just made me think of my dad growing up and when he was a kid and what he was doing.

00:04:59.600 And my dad said when he was young that kids over there, they had a lot of poverty.

00:05:04.920 And poverty, you know, that's when you, you know, you don't even have a wallet.

00:05:12.260 Because there's no point in it.

00:05:14.700 A wallet wouldn't even be anything.

00:05:16.020 It would just be just something like a little sack, kind of this, like a really kind of rectangle sack.

00:05:24.700 Because you would never have any money.

00:05:27.620 And they, and he said, and my dad said that the other children sometimes would have to eat dirt.

00:05:33.260 Because they had so much poverty.

00:05:35.120 And their bellies would get big and large. 0.98

00:05:37.520 And I always thought about that a lot.

00:05:41.080 You know, because I would eat dirt sometimes.

00:05:42.680 I never had a lot.

00:05:43.560 I would have a limited amount.

00:05:48.340 Because that always was in the back of my head thinking, oh, my belly could get real large.

00:05:52.420 And I didn't want to be that kind of, you know, kind of fat and dirt and have dirt in me.

00:06:00.720 So, but thank you for this beautiful shirt.

00:06:03.360 Thank you.

00:06:04.780 It was this past like nine days has been crazy.

00:06:07.580 I mean, you go, it started out in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.

00:06:12.800 You go there.

00:06:14.020 And there's just, right when I got to the casino, the Wind Creek.

00:06:18.400 You know, just a lot of wonderful people in the lobby and getting to meet them.

00:06:22.840 And then one couple had matching outfits.

00:06:25.480 And they were, you know, and the fellow was just real nervous to meet me.

00:06:30.140 And he was like kind of started tearing up and stuff.

00:06:32.360 And so, I just locked arms with him. 1.00

00:06:36.140 You know, I locked arms with his, you know, his big beautiful ass. 0.99

00:06:40.180 And we just stood there and just kind of held each other. 1.00

00:06:43.840 And that shit was, it was beautiful, man. 1.00

00:06:47.540 It was beautiful. 1.00

00:06:48.300 It definitely, you know, I felt like just part of the Lord's homework right there.

00:06:55.280 Like something was getting done.

00:06:57.660 And then what else, man?

00:06:58.780 We went there.

00:06:59.700 Then we drove over to, I don't even know, Philadelphia.

00:07:06.160 I don't even know.

00:07:08.140 Through Amish.

00:07:09.060 We saw a couple Amish.

00:07:11.760 And we didn't sneak up on them or anything.

00:07:13.420 We stayed chill, looked at them from far off.

00:07:15.500 You know, Irie Maness was out there with me and he had them binoculars.

00:07:19.460 And so, we'd, you know, we'd drop scope on some Amish and just, you know, watch them. 1.00

00:07:25.240 Nice.

00:07:26.520 They were nice people crossing the street is what mostly we saw them do.

00:07:33.420 And that's it.

00:07:35.100 We wanted to spend more time out there outside of Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

00:07:38.180 That's where the Amish are really milling around and kind of, that's where you, you know,

00:07:42.260 if you want to get a good recipe or something or that's where you kind of,

00:07:45.500 sneak in there and you meet a lady. 0.90

00:07:48.800 And you can, you know, it's hard to kiss them.

00:07:51.840 I think it's almost, they don't, you got to almost sneak up and kiss them real fast.

00:07:58.340 But, and then where else?

00:08:00.580 We went through Cleveland.

00:08:02.360 Wow, that was crazy.

00:08:04.620 Cleveland was crazy.

00:08:06.160 We went out after the show. 0.90

00:08:08.560 That show was crazy.

00:08:09.520 It was a Tuesday night.

00:08:10.420 It was almost 2,000 people.

00:08:11.620 And, and, uh, went to Indianapolis.

00:08:18.480 Then we went to Pittsburgh.

00:08:19.880 Oh, Pittsburgh, that's where we went.

00:08:21.200 And we went, went to the bat, the football game.

00:08:24.440 And the Steelers, boy, you talk about people enjoying.

00:08:29.140 And you see people out there, they got a little bit of chipped ham on them.

00:08:33.300 Everybody's talking about chipped ham over there by the stadium.

00:08:37.140 Oh, you want some?

00:08:38.560 Oh, you need some chipped ham, honey?

00:08:45.100 And I thought chipped ham, I thought it was a guy at first.

00:08:47.540 I'm like, who, where is he?

00:08:49.440 You know, chipped ham. 1.00

00:08:52.180 Bring his ass out here, dude. 1.00

00:08:54.120 I want to meet this guy. 1.00

00:08:55.260 Uh, but it's a meat, it's a meat choice.

00:08:58.820 And people were making it.

00:09:00.360 And you saw, uh, yeah, people eating.

00:09:03.120 A lot of people licking their fingers out there.

00:09:05.380 Over there in Pittsburgh.

00:09:06.560 They, bang, bang, bang. 0.95

00:09:08.960 Bang, bang. 0.99

00:09:12.400 Uh, and that was probably the rowdiest crowd of the week.

00:09:14.660 Was Pittsburgh.

00:09:16.540 That was probably the rowdiest squad.

00:09:18.240 And where else, uh, finished off in Milwaukee and Madison.

00:09:23.100 Which were two of the, uh, two of my, two of the best shows, really, I thought, of the week.

00:09:27.680 Uh, Detroit was pretty wild.

00:09:31.220 So, it was just so much happened at once.

00:09:33.020 It was just such a crazy, you know, we got this tour bus, this real small tour bus.

00:09:39.420 And it was only about $200 a day rental.

00:09:43.960 And I remember slept in it.

00:09:46.960 He's sleeping in there and, you know, he said he wanted to, honestly, he said he wanted to touch women in there.

00:09:53.780 And I told him I'd allow it, you know, during nighttime hours and as long as it was, uh, consensual.

00:10:01.380 Because, you know, we got enough of the dark arts going on on our own side of the bed. 0.90

00:10:06.400 And, um, and man, I think I got, you know, there was a moment in the week where I was keyed up and excited.

00:10:17.560 And then I started to, like, I kind of forgot that I was, you know, that I just, I just kind of lost a little bit of, uh, not focus.

00:10:28.600 But I just realized, oh, I have to really, I was just having trouble, honestly, just finding gratitude.

00:10:36.400 And being grateful.

00:10:39.060 And I don't know why, man, it made me so, it made me mad.

00:10:43.140 You know, I want to be grateful and just feel the joy of, uh, of just every moment of life if I can.

00:10:49.620 You know, I want to see people, you know, you know, see a couple of, you know, you might see a couple of little, uh, thick little fellas over there tickling each other or something. 1.00

00:11:00.840 Or sharing a bowl or something or doing, you know, you know, you see some, uh, you know, a couple at a table and maybe it's their anniversary and they, you know, divvying up a couple of raviolis.

00:11:11.980 And I want to be, I want to, I want to, you know, enjoy all the moments of life.

00:11:18.080 And so, uh, so yeah, I really kind of after Indianapolis, I kind of had a moment of like regrouping and stuff.

00:11:25.080 And, and after Detroit and tried to really just say, you know, just really focus on trying to be grateful.

00:11:30.760 And just, uh, cause I want to feel the joys of the world, man.

00:11:36.160 I really want to feel them.

00:11:38.700 You know, I don't want to be, and I think I started to feel a little bit bad, dude. 0.99

00:11:43.720 I was doing a little bit of masturbation this week. 0.99

00:11:46.060 I don't know what happened, but something about you get into Ohio, you just start kind of jerking off. 0.99

00:11:52.680 I guess I do. 0.98

00:11:55.440 And I didn't expect it.

00:11:56.840 You know, I'll watch a Browns game or something, or I'll see, uh, you know, I'll see, um, the, uh, the Cavaliers on TV. 0.98

00:12:06.260 And I don't think about touching myself or anything, you know, being real unique with my dick or anything. 0.98

00:12:12.920 But then I got into that state and I just couldn't stop just, just doing it, dude. 0.98

00:12:21.280 And I was just, I don't know.

00:12:22.720 I just, you know, had a little bit of a setback there.

00:12:27.140 And once I start doing it, then it's like this downward little, you know, kind of spiral where I'm just kind of pleasuring myself and not really, but just not feeling great about it.

00:12:38.300 So anyway, I mean, it's the dark arts tour. 0.92

00:12:41.580 And sometimes the dark arts really bites you right in the fricking back of your nuts.

00:12:45.200 You know, where nothing's ever supposed to put its teeth.

00:12:50.060 And I kind of feel like a little bit of that's what happened.

00:12:53.720 Um, so with that said, man, that's, you know, I'm back.

00:13:00.360 I'm back.

00:13:01.160 And I'm just so thankful that so many people came out, man.

00:13:03.680 It just, uh, you know, it just really just blew my mind, man.

00:13:13.740 Yeah.

00:13:15.620 You know, and sometimes I think part of it is I just feel like I can't do enough to.

00:13:21.920 Like, no matter what I do, it's not going to be enough to show my gratitude.

00:13:31.880 You know, it's like, there's no way I can.

00:13:33.640 I mean, I try, I try hard, but it's like, it's just tough.

00:13:36.940 It's like, how do I show my gratitude to all these people at one time?

00:13:40.100 Uh, so I just want you to know that.

00:13:45.100 Thank you very much.

00:13:47.460 You know, and I care about the stories that I tell and I care about the performance and, and I had a good time, man.

00:13:53.580 And I hope that I can repay the favor to all of you guys, uh, for coming out and supporting me and just making me feel welcome.

00:14:02.180 Um, and it's quick as one city to the next.

00:14:07.600 It goes, you know, it goes and, uh, let me think of some highlights we had.

00:14:13.940 Ari got stuck at the gas station in, uh, in somewhere, Wisconsin, and we left him back there.

00:14:22.780 We didn't know.

00:14:24.520 And a friend of mine was telling me that, uh, her husband left her at a rest area one time for seven hours.

00:14:33.500 She'd gotten out to urinate or whatever, and he, uh, thought she was resting in the back of the camper and took off.

00:14:40.640 And he left her there and she didn't have any shoes on either.

00:14:43.920 So that's pretty.

00:14:46.320 And it makes you wonder, well, what kind of guy leaves his wife at a rest area?

00:14:50.700 But then it doesn't make you wonder that much.

00:14:52.240 Cause I could think of a thousand guys that would do that.

00:14:54.900 You know, drop Susie off over there by the fricking, by the RA.

00:15:01.420 But then it also makes you wonder, well, what kind of lady gets out of the rest area barefoot? 1.00

00:15:05.940 Where millions of people are driving by sheerly to stop and urinate on the side of the road.

00:15:15.280 So it definitely seems like those people are, at least they know that they are right for each other.

00:15:19.840 I think that's an easy one.

00:15:21.860 Oh, I saw my arch nemesis in Detroit.

00:15:25.080 You know, my buddy, but also, you know.

00:15:28.120 So, um, Christopher, uh, he was in Detroit, man.

00:15:41.900 He was doing a college over there and I got to go to dinner afterwards with him.

00:15:45.160 We met up and, uh, Blake Griffins, the all-star, he's a basketballer, you know, and he's very diverse man.

00:15:54.080 He probably have nine different ethnicities in him.

00:15:56.800 I mean, if you beat him open, the Olympics are inside of him, you know, and he's just extremely diverse man, Blake Griffins.

00:16:02.900 And he, uh, and he's tall.

00:16:06.940 So we have to really get close to his food to eat it.

00:16:10.440 So it's very unique watching somebody of that stature, you know, come down to a little French onion soup or something.

00:16:17.700 Um, or a little salad plate, you know, but so even that was just a joy in its own right.

00:16:25.760 You know, I know I'm name dropping, but just to watch a real tall person eat, you know, you don't get to see a lot of that.

00:16:33.620 It almost feels like a little bit like you're at the zoo.

00:16:36.200 When you get to see a real, real tall fella have to deal with even a little dessert in Blake Griffin's hands, it looked like a little, like a magic snack or something or like a, it almost looked like a pill he would take in the morning.

00:16:52.500 And it was a muffin like, dang.

00:16:55.220 So to watch a man of that stature is just very complex.

00:17:02.320 It's almost beautiful to watch.

00:17:03.580 You almost hope, want there to be a sunrise in the background or something or the Lion King playing or something.

00:17:08.640 It's very, very unique.

00:17:12.460 But that was, uh, that was a, that was a fun moment.

00:17:15.500 Um, I want to tell you this too, that I got a show at the Wiltern in Los Angeles.

00:17:20.360 That's going to be December 10th at the Wiltern in LA.

00:17:24.200 And, uh, those tickets are going to go on sale, uh, tomorrow, Tuesday, October 15th.

00:17:31.800 Uh, those tickets will go on sale and that's tomorrow at 10 AM Pacific standard time with the code onward and tickets go on sale to the general public this Friday, October 18th at 10 AM Pacific standard time.

00:17:46.420 And that show is for December 10th at the Wiltern in Los Angeles.

00:17:50.620 Um, and there's no VIP, uh, for that show, just general tickets.

00:17:55.580 And it's going to be, it's going to be an awesome night.

00:17:59.160 I'm hoping to have a couple of special guests pop onto the lineup with me.

00:18:02.760 Um, so thank you guys for, uh, for supporting me as well.

00:18:08.220 The Oxen Hill, the Maryland show and the Sayersville, New Jersey shows.

00:18:13.060 You'll get updates about those this week, uh, locking in some dates right now.

00:18:18.520 Um, you know, it's kind of sad to be doing like some of these shows.

00:18:23.280 It's like the last time that I'll do these jokes in, uh, on stage, you know, it's kind of crazy.

00:18:30.960 It's, uh, it's, I don't know.

00:18:35.260 It's like almost like having, you know, you have these bits and you, you know, you have these stories and you, uh, I don't know.

00:18:44.840 I care about them.

00:18:46.320 You know, I like telling them, you know, I'm grateful that, you know, I lived enough of them and was able to put them in a, some type of place, you know, or shape that I could present them to someone.

00:18:59.580 Um, and have them be enjoyed.

00:19:04.380 You know, a lot of people come out and you see, you know, you see a mother, uh, they had a mother and son that came out and this week and, and it just, man, it makes you feel good.

00:19:20.440 You know, and it's sometimes even it's like, uh, it's like, it's been hard for me this year to really feel a lot of stuff.

00:19:25.160 I've just been so, uh, almost busy.

00:19:29.580 Too busy to feel and not like I want it to be that way.

00:19:33.440 It's just, you know, it's just been, I don't know.

00:19:40.920 It's just been a new experience.

00:19:43.640 It's been a new experience of like being, having this much work to do.

00:19:47.980 And, uh, and, uh, and just thank you guys for your patience while I figured it out and just continue to learn.

00:19:57.860 And, uh, I don't know, man.

00:20:01.600 I don't even know what I'm saying really.

00:20:05.480 But I don't know.

00:20:08.000 And it's just been, it's been kind of a scary time, you know, like a lot's changed this year.

00:20:11.760 Um, and it's weird cause it's like, I don't want it to change.

00:20:18.980 Like, and maybe it hasn't, maybe I'm just feeling different on the inside or feeling strange or something.

00:20:23.960 I don't know.

00:20:25.260 Uh, you know, it's definitely exciting, um, to have more of an audience, but it's also, it's a little spooky.

00:20:34.860 You know, it's a little spooky, uh, um, because, I don't know.

00:20:48.860 You just want to do, you know, you just want to treat people right.

00:20:55.580 And, uh, yeah.

00:20:58.960 And so having people come out, it's like, I almost wish that I could be the concierge or the, you know, the usher, right?

00:21:04.700 When they walk into the theater, I could be the person that welcomes them at the door.

00:21:08.740 I could be the person that sits them down.

00:21:10.180 I could be the person that takes their order.

00:21:12.320 I could be the person that, like, I want to be all those people, you know, I think.

00:21:15.660 I want to be able to, I want to be able to make sure that it's a good experience for you.

00:21:23.820 So sometimes I just feel all this, and I, and I know that that's impossible.

00:21:27.280 So it's this crazy, like, thing that my, that my brain or that my alcoholism makes up and just, you know, I have one of those brains that will always kind of make me feel bad about stuff or make me feel like I'm not doing something. 0.96

00:21:43.100 You know, I got that dirty brain. 0.89

00:21:47.980 I mean, if you, if you looked in my brain, there's definitely, there's a couple sandbars in it. 0.99

00:21:53.840 There's probably a clay bank.

00:21:57.460 I bet there's a bit of a, uh, compost heap somewhere near the back. 0.98

00:22:03.380 There's definitely some birds kind of doing sex off to the side, probably sex birds, you know, a couple penis pigeons over there catching it. 0.97

00:22:13.100 But, uh, so, but yeah, I mean, just, dude, the touring happens so fast. 0.97

00:22:24.320 It's like, people are like, oh, did you get to do this in the city?

00:22:28.400 Dude, I didn't get to do anything.

00:22:32.540 You know, I had two days in Cleveland were like my biggest time of peace.

00:22:37.580 And one of them, I got to go to CVS cause I had to get some, uh, minoxidil to keep my hair.

00:22:43.920 And the other one, I did a yoga class there as well.

00:22:51.700 Um, so yeah, you just, because you get to the place, it's usually about three or four when you get into the next city.

00:22:59.120 And, uh, and the camper was cool.

00:23:03.400 One thing about the camper, you know, you just kind of can kick your feet up, listen to some tunes, be alive, have a water.

00:23:12.360 They got a little refrigerator.

00:23:13.520 Uh, you could try to sleep, but if you sleep in the back of a camper, every bump you hit, it lifts you in the air about eight inches. 0.95

00:23:23.160 So it feels like you're just like somebody's fucking you, but it's just, they're not, it's just you bouncing. 0.99

00:23:31.160 It almost feels like the whole world is just fucking you kind of from the side, you know, or that's why I laid face down because I'm not, if I'm, cause even after a while, I felt like the whole world is like kind of doing sex app at my butt or towards my butt. 0.98

00:23:47.640 So I lay face down so that, you know, if the world's going to fuck me, it's going to straight up do it at my face or do it at my front so I can kind of defend myself against it. 0.98

00:23:57.480 Cause you're just in the back of that camper. 0.98

00:24:00.680 You know, that's the beautiful thing about this tour bus we had.

00:24:04.340 It has like kind of a camper vibe to it.

00:24:06.800 And so you go lay in the back, but every bump you hit and it, I mean, it was intense.

00:24:13.780 Um, yeah.

00:24:19.360 And, uh, what else?

00:24:20.780 I got some time to chill.

00:24:22.040 I'm getting my hair.

00:24:23.060 I'm getting rehair forestation tomorrow.

00:24:26.100 So a lot of people like, what do you mean, bucko?

00:24:29.880 And that's where they take care out of the back and they put it in the front.

00:24:33.520 So I'm going to get that remodel job again.

00:24:37.140 And this man, Dr. Kahan over in Los Angeles, Dr. Kahan, I'm going to see him.

00:24:42.440 And, and I'm intrigued, you know, like, you know, I just want to be preventative.

00:24:48.700 You know, I want to be preventative.

00:24:50.040 I like having hair.

00:24:51.140 I'm not ready to be away from my hair for the rest of my life yet.

00:24:56.700 I think I have like separation anxiety when it comes to hair and stuff like that.

00:25:00.300 So, um, what else is going on?

00:25:05.160 I'll tell you this right here.

00:25:06.540 You know it that, uh, you got to tighten up your grooming area. 0.96

00:25:10.200 A lot of people's crotch, you see a man's crotch or whatever. 0.97

00:25:13.060 It looks like it's, uh, you know, an Orthodox Jewish person or something, or it looks like a hippie. 0.97

00:25:19.420 You know, it's got the long hair. 0.92

00:25:21.220 You'll see a guy's wiener and it got long hair off the side, a sideburn off his nuts.

00:25:25.500 And it's got some barrettes in it. 0.97

00:25:27.380 Come on, bucko.

00:25:29.000 What are you doing, boy?

00:25:30.580 Well, support for this past weekend comes from Manscaped, who is number one in men's below-the-belt grooming.

00:25:38.280 Manscaped offers precision-engineered tools for your family jewels.

00:25:42.500 That's right.

00:25:43.620 You want to get them rubies looking classy. 1.00

00:25:46.920 I mean, you want to be able to show your nuts to your damn stepmother and not have her trip out. 0.99

00:25:51.940 Just have her be like, wow. 1.00

00:25:53.860 Huh.

00:25:54.140 If only you kept your room as clean.

00:25:59.780 I've taken care of my nuts before.

00:26:01.400 When I was young, a man told me one time, he cornered me actually.

00:26:04.760 Not even in a corner.

00:26:05.880 He just cornered me out in the open.

00:26:07.520 And that's a powerful man.

00:26:10.020 And he said, whenever you do trim your nuts, you pull the hair away and then you clip.

00:26:15.360 Don't try to clip right by that bag.

00:26:18.780 Because you don't want what's in there.

00:26:20.360 That's what he told me.

00:26:21.840 And I remember that.

00:26:22.940 And even though still I've cut my nuts open a couple times on accident, I know that I shouldn't do it.

00:26:29.320 Well, Manscaped is changing the grooming game with their Perfect Package 2.0.

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00:26:39.140 Now, something real shady is to take anything called a lawnmower near your junk.

00:26:42.960 But this thing is waterproof and it has skin-safe technology.

00:26:48.300 It'll protect you from nicking that sack.

00:26:51.280 You know what I'm saying?

00:26:52.020 It ain't Christmas yet.

00:26:52.800 You don't want to be Saint Nick.

00:26:54.600 You can also create less mess by trimming in the shower.

00:26:58.120 Now, that's kind of sexy, too.

00:27:00.220 You could even do a video.

00:27:01.560 Have your son video you and give it to your wife for Christmas or early Thanksgiving gift. 0.98

00:27:06.840 That little freaking turkey hide or present. 0.91

00:27:08.640 Also, the crop preserver is an anti-chafing ball deodorant and moisturizer. 0.98

00:27:15.900 Take care of your nuts, dude.

00:27:18.180 They're your nuts, bro.

00:27:20.220 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:27:20.940 Your family came out of them and you're going to fucking run around all day. 1.00

00:27:24.560 They're smelling like gravy and freaking, you know, and cheap musk a lot. 1.00

00:27:29.760 It's time to get clean with this perfect package 2.0.

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00:27:49.640 Use code Theo to carry a crotch and feel like a man. 0.84

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00:29:21.320 What else is popping with me, man?

00:29:25.320 Just it's already the middle of October.

00:29:27.360 Capterra, you know, we stopped, we were in Wisconsin, which what a beautiful state.

00:29:35.960 I mean, just we were, you know, we really just winter.

00:29:39.640 You could feel winter. 0.98

00:29:41.200 You could feel this cold little, little man with a dirty stick kind of poking us on our butt and kind of, you know, jabbing at our B-holes a bit. 0.98

00:29:50.760 you know a cold cold little kind of cold wet little hitter that little you know 0.99

00:29:58.880 you know that uh pokeopotamus bro he was just jabbing at our freaking little nard hole 0.98

00:30:05.460 and um and we stopped at a little pumpkin patch and it was beautiful man they had fresh animals 0.58

00:30:14.920 right there newborn calves fresh poop they had fresh animal poop all over you could step and

00:30:21.200 ship for free that was free and then they had different pumpkins and different gourd choices

00:30:26.780 get you one get your little you get a spoonful applesauce half a dime

00:30:31.340 half a dime for that little you know that little uh fruit scoop hitter and that's one thing that 1.00

00:30:40.600 you got to love that about um wisconsin only in select states can you pull over on the side of 0.85

00:30:47.060 the road and have somebody scoop half of a damn you know scoop of pureed uh you know choice sweet 0.96

00:30:54.820 produce into your mouth for half a damn dime i mean and that's one thing you got to love about america 0.98

00:31:02.260 and that's one thing i don't want to lose about this country you know that's one thing i do not 0.99

00:31:06.360 want to lose about this country is the ability to just stop on the side of a road and find joy

00:31:10.500 and they had all kind of pumpkins big pumpkins small pumpkins they had the pumpkin patch you know

00:31:18.160 when they got the big old one they got one off to the side as a little freaking needle and it's uh

00:31:23.740 you know when it's um carriage there's you know because everybody's suffering some and

00:31:29.880 and just the whole they probably had about 6 000 pumpkins and about 400 of them were uh special needs

00:31:38.840 it seemed like or had you know emotional issues or something very and it was interesting to see what

00:31:47.860 kids would pick what pumpkin you know some kid they wanted the nice looking one some kid would pick

00:31:56.840 kind of a kind of little rescue pumpkin you know the one you know it's kind of shaped a little

00:32:04.360 maybe like a s a little and it won't even stand up right it just keeps falling on its side

00:32:10.660 you see a little girl go get that one 1.00

00:32:13.720 or you'd see you know some asshole kid would just go over and just kick a couple pumpkins some complete 1.00

00:32:20.580 asshole some little antifa kid or whatever this guy was or whatever you know little freaking vegetable 1.00

00:32:27.920 nazi or something you know we just but it was interesting to see and watch how the different 0.98

00:32:33.100 children got the different one and what they chose made me feel like uh i don't know just made me feel

00:32:40.560 real human

00:32:41.300 just walking around looking at vegetables with strangers

00:32:47.500 uh and just nice to just be out in the countryside and just see i mean in la you don't see anything

00:32:57.680 you don't there's no countryside there's no birds i i mean

00:33:03.240 i don't even i i don't know if i've seen a bird here in almost maybe five or six years

00:33:08.860 you know except for the scooters

00:33:12.040 so my brain's a little warped um

00:33:16.520 but oh one city that really blew my mind indianapolis beautiful city

00:33:22.700 i didn't realize it i just i'd never been you know

00:33:26.380 i'd only been to the airport and driven over to um bloomington

00:33:30.680 but it was just you know we got some scooters and we're scooting around

00:33:36.000 and the police some guy had gotten hit by a truck or something he's laying on the ground

00:33:41.860 and so i pull up i'm kind of peeking at him you know and just

00:33:46.020 because i always wanted to see a body and see if you see something leave out of it

00:33:51.380 you know like at the end of a moment you know when

00:33:55.640 at the end of life so this um and then some some guys pull up and they say hey

00:34:03.640 you know gang gang bro we're going to your show

00:34:06.760 and they're like yelling at me i think they've been drinking they were nice guys but

00:34:10.980 and they're like hey tia and i'm like uh

00:34:15.560 and i'm the guys literally some guys laying there just been hit by a truck and there's two police officers

00:34:20.700 over them um and it was just so awkward i'm like guys i can't yell

00:34:26.620 over this guy if this guy's dead you know let's move up about 10 feet and discuss it

00:34:33.260 uh so that was probably you know that was pretty interactive one of a nice experience

00:34:39.160 what else i'm trying to think that was oh after the show in indianapolis there was a gang a grip of

00:34:46.700 people outside of the uh outside of the venue waiting to say hello and that was really touching

00:34:51.660 because that was one show during the week i was really having a tough time and uh and

00:34:58.460 you know i was just having a tough time and and uh and uh and i got outside and and there was a lot

00:35:09.160 of people there just waiting to say hey you know and uh just good people a friend of mine passed away

00:35:16.060 actually on tuesday night and i didn't find out till wednesday morning and uh it's nobody you guys

00:35:27.340 know it's a guy who's struggled with addiction and

00:35:34.540 man it just really broke my heart this week

00:35:36.460 you know it just broke my heart just uh

00:35:45.980 you know this dude he was just a real real loving guy and he was just trying really hard to um

00:35:52.700 to kick the habit and to get you know to get better and

00:35:56.460 and and he did any any any any lost he didn't

00:36:02.300 you know and i hope he's better now i hope he feels better now

00:36:06.300 or wherever he is it just

00:36:09.740 it was a you know it was just

00:36:17.420 it was just sad you know

00:36:19.740 because like addiction is something you it's an individual thing but it's a

00:36:25.260 it's a human condition that's it's a sourness that's seeping into people

00:36:31.660 and um man this guy the most charismatic person that maybe i've ever met this fella

00:36:39.020 and he just couldn't feel how much people love him i don't think he could feel it

00:36:44.220 and uh

00:36:50.220 and i hope he can feel it now man wherever he is you know

00:36:54.460 he's a special dude so that so that going into that day and that night that's uh we stopped and got

00:36:59.740 some bags a couple uh bags of fluid and um and just some tough just you know some tough runs but

00:37:11.020 let's get into some calls that came in you know let me quit thinking about myself here

00:37:17.580 and let me think about you guys and see what's going on in your world thanks for being a part of uh

00:37:22.780 of this past weekend gang love you guys take care of yourselves huh

00:37:32.780 hey theo this is uh greg from indiana so uh me and my friends went out and caught your show dude you

00:37:37.740 did phenomenal i actually just wanted to call and tell you so i was at uh work the other day

00:37:42.460 and i just been kind of in this like rut at work it's not a bad job but i just really want to get

00:37:47.100 out of it so i was catching up on some of your podcasts and um you said something like resonated

00:37:52.060 with me you know you said nothing changes if nothing changes i thought about it and i went home and i

00:37:58.620 applied for a job i'm probably not qualified for but i was like i'll just take a shot and the next day

00:38:03.740 i get a uh call from them have the interview it goes well she said she's gonna set me up with uh

00:38:09.260 in-person interview never even had it they uh email me a few days later and i got the job so now i'm

00:38:17.020 gonna be doing a job that i think i will appreciate more and enjoy more and i'll be making double the

00:38:22.620 money that i'm making now gang bro that's awesome man that's really great uh congratulations for trying

00:38:31.180 something new yeah it's crazy to sometimes think like

00:38:36.860 what can happen if we decide i'm gonna see what happens when i decide that i am qualified

00:38:46.220 what happens when i decide for myself that i'm gonna do something different

00:38:54.860 you know one thing you know jocko willink was in here last week and one thing that's

00:38:58.460 really been pressing with me that we discussed is staying motivated and i have been finding myself

00:39:04.540 more motivated even when i do not feel like doing something to do it that my brain doesn't dictate

00:39:11.820 how my brain does not get to choose my brain can feel a certain way but it's not going to choose how

00:39:17.900 i behave all the time i just can't let it do it anymore i'm gonna have setbacks i know

00:39:28.460 but if i'm feeling bad that doesn't mean i'm doing bad that doesn't mean i am bad that doesn't mean

00:39:34.940 that i can't still take some action

00:39:39.660 because yeah nothing changes and nothing changes man

00:39:44.460 you know we'll sit around forever wondering well what if i

00:39:48.700 you know what if i was a dog catcher would i be the best what if i was a you know

00:39:52.300 what if i'd worked on that you know at avalanche you know search you know searching for avalanches and

00:40:01.820 predicting them or uh what is it called a uh

00:40:07.660 geologist who would i you know would i be able to do it would i you don't know

00:40:13.340 until you say yeah i'm gonna you know what i'm gonna take action nothing changes if nothing

00:40:19.020 changes man and i'm not preaching at you i'm just uh

00:40:24.540 i just want to remind you because you know i've spent a lot of time in my life sitting around

00:40:27.980 wanting things to change um

00:40:30.540 and not being able to make them change and and not thinking i could

00:40:42.380 and i wish somebody had told me that earlier sometimes

00:40:47.020 that in order for something to change there needs to be change

00:40:50.060 um i'm proud of you man i'm happy for you bro that's very exciting to hear

00:40:57.820 and that makes me feel good you know it makes me feel good and thank you guys for coming out in

00:41:02.300 indianapolis and i needed to hear that somebody came out and had a good time with that show

00:41:07.420 because that one in the detroit one were the two this week that i felt

00:41:13.020 i don't know

00:41:13.500 i just felt a little disconnected man uh

00:41:24.220 you know i think it just breaks my heart sometimes that

00:41:36.380 that's something like as beautiful as human beings are

00:41:38.700 or that we're dying because of something as

00:41:49.020 as like dirty and preventable and

00:41:56.460 and sad as uh as drugs and as addiction 0.99

00:41:59.820 you know it just breaks my heart it just breaks my damn heart bro 0.99

00:42:10.700 it breaks my heart 0.99

00:42:17.420 um

00:42:20.540 and just makes me want to work harder to be part of the solution in the world

00:42:23.900 you know it makes me

00:42:27.500 it just makes me want to take care of myself so that i can

00:42:32.940 just so i can be there for somebody else if they need it not even know if i can be but just so that

00:42:37.260 there's a chance that i can

00:42:40.300 you know it just makes me sad man uh but knowing that there's people out there who are making changes

00:42:46.700 and uh and we're coming out and enjoying the show that's exactly what i need to hear from me

00:42:54.060 and thank you for sharing that with me brother you guys be good to yourselves man gang brother

00:42:58.700 let's hear the end of your call i'll listen to the end of it here too

00:43:04.460 so i just want to thank you man you know you inspired me i know and i make you uncomfortable to

00:43:08.460 hear sometimes but you really did and you do that to a lot of people keep doing your thing all

00:43:12.860 right you have a blessed day gang gang bro you could tell any apples one thing you could tell

00:43:17.900 man a lot of really nice people there probably the most just well-behaved chill not well behaved but

00:43:25.180 just respectful kind of vibe out there um oh here's one thing that was funny in detroit

00:43:31.580 the guy right up by the stage security he was listening to music on his phone light on speaker

00:43:38.140 it was the most detroit thing ever dude it was like some rap music it was hilarious bro

00:43:42.860 all right let's take another call that came in here the hotline as always is 985-664-9503

00:43:52.220 and uh

00:43:55.420 yeah i know i'm all over the place today uh it's been a crazy year man this has been a crazy year

00:44:04.780 you know i think at the beginning of the year i felt i knew so much more like kind of felt like i was in my

00:44:08.780 uh in my skin and some days these days i feel like i'm out of it um

00:44:17.580 um

00:44:18.140 but it's an exciting time we got halloween coming we got thanksgiving this is a great time uh

00:44:24.540 to to be loving this is a great time to uh recreate a personal relationship

00:44:30.460 relationship with the feelings that i want to have more of in my life every day let's take this call

00:44:37.660 here we go okay

00:44:43.660 yo what up bill this is isaiah from california i was just listening to a podcast about you having a vision

00:44:50.140 about your pops and how you guys are just hanging out and everything

00:44:53.500 yeah thanks for calling isaiah i appreciate you calling yeah my um

00:45:00.780 yeah it was so wild it's so funny i was listening back to that part of the episode

00:45:05.980 and it was so wild that i i was in maui and i had a dream that my father was in

00:45:10.860 you know and hadn't seen him in so long um onward i just want to let you know man 0.95

00:45:16.940 shit i lost my dad about five years ago six years ago well my dad was murdered so 0.98

00:45:24.780 should i try not damn man i'm sorry to hear that brother 0.99

00:45:29.660 i'm sorry to hear that homework to even keep track of it because that 0.93

00:45:34.220 just still hurts but man when i'm feeling down dude i get those same dreams dude i'm just chilling

00:45:41.100 talking to him it's giving me advice and the crazy thing about it too is that 0.95

00:45:44.460 when we're talking dude it's like real life situations it's some shit i'm dealing with you 0.97

00:45:49.500 know and i got two boys i need to look after too so me being a father learning everything

00:45:57.020 i gotta talk to my dad sometimes and then when i go to sleep man i get to see him so all i want to

00:46:03.820 say is dude you're not alone uh there's people out here going through the same thing have a good one

00:46:11.100 later gang bro thank you uh for that call um yeah there's some uh

00:46:24.140 i wonder if there we were missing such a big

00:46:31.180 element of existence that we don't realize how much access we have to

00:46:35.500 to people that have left before us you know our parents or um our children

00:46:46.700 um people we care about anyone 0.95

00:46:51.740 you know anybody frederick douglas or damn uh

00:46:58.380 lynn bias or mark spitz or anybody thomas jefferson 0.84

00:47:03.340 um

00:47:07.980 it's funny it's like how much

00:47:11.580 like how close are we to the spirits

00:47:16.060 and there and we didn't even we don't even might not even know

00:47:19.180 i mean electricity existed and we didn't even know isn't that you know and it's such a huge thing

00:47:25.020 i wonder if there's going to be another

00:47:30.620 like oh there's this field right here where they all are

00:47:35.500 and how to access it is like this

00:47:37.980 and we we just didn't know we were too busy out here

00:47:41.820 working with our hands on our outside instead of working with our

00:47:45.660 our

00:47:47.420 our spirit or something or

00:47:49.660 using the hands that are inside of us whatever those are our feelings or something to

00:47:55.500 you know to access our loved ones

00:47:57.100 um

00:47:59.900 because it's

00:48:02.140 you know we we are

00:48:04.620 you and i are we are pieces of our father we're pieces of our parents we

00:48:09.180 they are technically

00:48:12.380 still alive we are

00:48:15.500 half of them

00:48:18.380 so yeah it would seem like the bridge for them to communicate would be

00:48:25.180 decently strong

00:48:27.260 um and i just wonder if we're if we just don't know of this whole entire other electricity that's

00:48:32.620 around or that exists that's this field where we can uh where we can communicate with others

00:48:38.700 who have gone before us and those who are going to come down the line

00:48:43.500 yeah but it was beautiful man when i think back on it was cool to see my dad just having

00:48:47.820 just be in himself

00:48:54.140 yeah just be in himself man and thank you for sharing man and i'm sorry that that happened your

00:48:59.900 father you know i'm really sorry i'm i'm grateful you have a couple of sons though that you can be a

00:49:06.700 father too and i bet it's really really painful at times but i bet it sometimes it's uh you have a

00:49:12.300 special inspiration that the rest of us can't experience uh gang brother um

00:49:20.860 let's take this call that came in

00:49:22.940 ceo mateo what's up brother it's connor from key west hey connor down there in key west and key west

00:49:32.220 is a real hotbed for um you know a lot of homosexuality down there if you like to meet a 1.00

00:49:38.460 man or woman and you are one of those and you want to meet the same also a lot of uh they got a lot

00:49:44.780 of unique birds down there in sunburn as well uh beautiful area beautiful let's hear more thank

00:49:50.860 you for calling connor how's it going i just got one question for you halloween's coming up and

00:49:57.820 i was wondering amen brother you're gonna go as me personally i was thinking about a like maybe like

00:50:05.660 a coked up cuban dude that's kind of funny sometimes might not be though or i was gonna go as

00:50:13.740 like my mom or something and freak her out gang gang oh that's an interesting choice um that's a

00:50:22.860 really interesting choice what am i gonna go as you know i thought about um going as a crab maybe a land

00:50:31.980 maybe land crab something not crab meat but you know the the living animal and i thought about

00:50:40.060 um because i don't want to do like a wet crab because you have to wet you know i don't want to

00:50:45.980 be like having to spray water on myself all night or do anything like that so i thought about a crab

00:50:52.060 i thought about being a rocket doing like a rocket outfit it's kind of where i am right now i guess i

00:51:00.620 haven't really started to put too much thought into it but i do want to uh i do want to now that you

00:51:07.740 brought it up to me you know when this actually reminds me this reminds me of a call that came in

00:51:11.980 let's uh let's we're gonna go to that now this call came in was it last year or the year before

00:51:18.300 about a uh a fellow and a halloween costume and i and um

00:51:27.900 and this is and i ran into this guy actually in i want to say it was kansas city maybe but

00:51:35.020 uh this was about him and about his father since we've been talking about fathers and stuff let's

00:51:41.260 uh let's go to that call right now hey what's up theo it's brad from kansas hey uh i was listening

00:51:46.700 to this past weekend um when you were talking about halloween and how you love it and halloween actually

00:51:53.100 used to be my favorite holiday man i loved uh being able to put on a mask and just get away

00:51:59.260 and everyone seemed so happy but my dad actually passed away on halloween this will be the second

00:52:05.500 halloween without him man and i'm just trying to uh i'm trying to understand how i get that back you

00:52:11.740 know how i get that love for halloween back because you know every time it comes around i think about my

00:52:17.100 old man and just what he's doing and where you know how he'd be proud of me man well i'm sorry to hear

00:52:24.540 that man about your father you know uh it's uh it's a why it's a it's a tricky deal i think being

00:52:32.220 alive because it's not going to last forever you know and i think you have a really unique

00:52:39.260 opportunity i see here you know your father passed away there on halloween and what you could do is

00:52:44.620 you could dress up like your dad have you thought about that you know to really

00:52:54.220 you could be him and for one night on the time you know for one night of the year take him out

00:53:00.700 and just you know enjoy the world as if you're him and i'm not saying go visit people and surprise

00:53:09.020 people or something like that or stop by you know i wouldn't even tell your mother or anything like

00:53:13.980 that i think this would just be something for you and him to have together but if you were to dress up

00:53:18.780 like your father you know you maybe could drive by some of his old friends houses or you know maybe

00:53:24.300 drive or you know or go by the school that he used to go to or something you know take his spirit for

00:53:29.660 a walk if you will um because i think there's something special about halloween

00:53:36.460 you know it's a time you know

00:53:41.980 the way that that the different chasms of existence and and and and life and outer space

00:53:50.060 and mother nature and pandora's box you know in god's bonnets and all of that the way they all fit

00:53:55.500 together it's very much like a rubik's cubes and a rubik's cubes is a shape that doesn't want to

00:54:03.020 to show you who it really is and there's something special on halloween when all those

00:54:10.300 when everything kind of lines up and you can walk through from the beyond to the great beyond

00:54:16.620 and to the before and you can meander back and forth like you're just in a big house party

00:54:22.700 and time just kind of shows up and just you know it doesn't keep track of itself

00:54:28.940 and a full moon comes out and there's wolves and it's a very very unique time

00:54:35.980 and it's a very much it's just a water slide of just existence and possibility

00:54:45.180 it's like the universe just like loses its memory for just a second and forgets where it's going for

00:54:50.300 just a second and there's something special that can happen on halloween and so that's why i think it

00:54:56.140 would be very interesting if you maybe dressed up as your father and went out and about now if you

00:55:02.780 wanted to get real fun with you could stop by you know maybe an ex-girlfriend his house

00:55:08.780 or if he used to play cards with his buddies you could set up a game and meet all of them and do that

00:55:14.860 you know and really live it out but i think that would be a special way that you could honor him man

00:55:21.420 wow and that's pretty powerful right there you know that's just uh and i'm not saying it because

00:55:28.140 you know i was talking about i just

00:55:32.700 you know it just there's i mean it's just we don't know if there's this other

00:55:39.100 what if there's just such a fine line between us and and those who have gone before us

00:55:44.620 just like a mirror just uh we don't they're just right there and we just

00:55:50.540 we don't have the map yet to access them

00:55:56.780 you know we and if we could just find a way to i don't know i feel like we're going to start to

00:56:00.860 develop a lot of new senses you know the fact that we only have five senses for such

00:56:05.740 magnificent creatures as humans seems very limited i bet we could do more than five

00:56:14.540 uh let's take another call here uh and also let me tell you that this past weekend is brought to

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00:57:46.220 slash theo von when it comes to meat you want to get that that fancy meat you want to get that decent

00:57:53.980 meat look i've had meat in my mouth that was real suspect okay especially over there in pittsburgh dude

00:58:00.460 down there by the stadium dude you know what i'm saying i've had a couple cuts of chopped ham that

00:58:05.100 whoo man i mean i don't even know who they came off of quality meat matters even if you see an animal in

00:58:15.100 the field a cow animal you say damn if they got a tear nice and stuff you sound like to have a steak 0.90

00:58:20.620 out of that out of that one you see another one over off to the side and he's you know he's barely you

00:58:26.620 know making it through half of a um cream soda or something that he's got taped to his hoof

00:58:31.100 you know and he had he he hasn't been brushing his hair and he also didn't finish school he'd be

00:58:36.700 like that guy could keep his meats not everyone even has convenient access to high quality meat

00:58:43.500 so it doesn't matter what the meat is or what it's doing sometimes you don't have access luckily

00:58:49.100 there's butcher box butcher box believes everyone deserves that high quality humanely sourced meat

00:58:58.220 i've got butcher box and let me tell you this i'm meated up to the gills i got so much dang meat boy

00:59:05.180 dude i'll shake your hand and leave a half a prime rib in it on accident

00:59:09.820 no more trips to the grocery store to get that meat meat you get better affordable meaty selections

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00:59:24.540 meat right to my home meet me at the mall

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00:59:36.460 what do you think the meat has uh the flu what do you think the meats on doxycycline

00:59:42.140 each box has nine to eleven pounds of meat enough for 24 individual meaty meaty meals

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01:00:00.140 right around the corner now is the perfect time to give butcher box a try sign up today and get a free

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01:00:05.260 plus twenty dollars off your first box just go to butcher box dot com slash theo or enter promo code

01:00:19.820 theo at checkout that's butcher box dot com slash theo or enter promo code theo at checkout for a free turkey

01:00:27.020 and twenty dollars off your first box get some

01:00:36.140 and they got the meat man dude my freezer is so meated out

01:00:39.980 it's fun because i'll leave in the morning throw some meat to thaw out get home be like dang edible meat

01:00:45.980 uh but that's what i'm gonna be for halloween man i think maybe a wet crab or dry crab let's take another call right here

01:00:51.340 uh what's up theo it's uh it's zach called in yesterday telling you that i was on my way to go

01:01:00.220 talk to my girlfriend's father

01:01:03.500 oh yeah zach was a you you were up talk about uh you were applying for that job man i don't think

01:01:10.540 cap terra could help you find any solution to uh you had to ask that man for the for the lady's uh 0.69

01:01:16.300 hoof in marriage paul hand in marriage onward taking her hand in marriage this is my recap i

01:01:24.220 felt like i should call back and tell you how it went he you know it went really well it was

01:01:28.940 respectful the family they complimented me a couple times which was really nice everybody needs that

01:01:34.860 every now and again but yeah he basically said that uh yeah but i'm all right i've got his i've got

01:01:40.380 his blessing so i ended up driving in memphis and i ended up driving back to nashville where my

01:01:46.060 brother lives my dad was there and all of us kind of got a little bit smammered you know after it uh

01:01:53.740 my dad was throwing them back my brother uh it was just a good time good fellowship good community

01:01:59.740 uh with the boys so uh anyways man appreciate you uh keep it up

01:02:08.460 gang brother get out there man you're gonna make a woman a decent man 0.99

01:02:12.700 or these days who knows you might have to wear a dress or whatever and your wife might beat you 1.00

01:02:19.100 but no matter what you you went about it the professional way you ask the daddy hey let me

01:02:26.380 get that trim for life and dads a lot of times sometimes they know it's the right man sometimes 0.99

01:02:32.620 i've had a woman's dad say hey look get take this little bitch off my hands you know and i'll say 1.00

01:02:39.980 whoa brother dude we i just met you man we're at a 7-eleven right now dude you know 0.98

01:02:48.540 so it's you know it's a unique there should be a website out there for dads just trying to get rid of

01:02:54.300 real salty little daughters those little saltine crackers you know those little uh spoiled fruits 1.00

01:03:00.940 but i'm glad that you got one man and i hope that you uh you guys find a little bit of love dude i hope

01:03:06.300 you guys tickle each other until you just bust all over each other praise god brother thank you for

01:03:12.700 calling in and giving us that follow-up as well let's take another call here the hotline is always

01:03:17.100 985-664-9503 thank you guys for being here on this welcome back episode here gang hey what's going

01:03:25.980 on theo this is griffin from charlotte north carolina thanks for calling griffin and man charlotte is

01:03:33.660 charlotte is a beautiful city in there that um that carolina panthers team is doing well over there

01:03:38.780 with uh with mr allen they got a new quarterback over there mr keith allen doing it doing it throwing 0.94

01:03:45.260 it long and doing it and being wild and stuff and looking sexy as fuck boy sorry that was a typo 0.82

01:03:51.420 dude looking like he's playing well sorry onward uh the reason i'm calling is my girlfriend just 0.68

01:03:57.740 recently broke up with me relationship three and a half years and oh i'm sorry to hear that man that's

01:04:04.620 a hitter gang it's been about four weeks since she did it and you know i'm having a real tough time

01:04:12.540 dealing with it um it's just hard to know that the reason she's leaving is you know partially my fault

01:04:22.380 um i didn't put enough into the relationship and she gave me second chance after second chance and

01:04:28.780 and it's just real hard knowing that the one person that you want to be with doesn't want to be with you

01:04:35.980 anymore and uh i was just wondering if you had any advice on how to deal with it sorry i'm getting

01:04:46.140 choked up right now but it's it's hard to talk about but um i just needed to know if you had any

01:04:54.860 advice on what i should do you know i appreciate it man love you love you love you too man uh thanks for

01:05:05.020 calling in oh man that's such that's a that's a tough one because you know you you know especially

01:05:15.740 if she says she's giving you these second chances and she brought it to your attention and you

01:05:21.180 and you just kind of kept with some of your you know your behaviors

01:05:26.460 i mean that some of the truth is that you just you weren't ready

01:05:29.260 you know you can't be someone that you just can't be right now you can't do it's impossible

01:05:41.100 you know you can't you know this i mean here's the thing it seemed like you weren't

01:05:47.980 you were not going to make any changes to make yourself

01:05:51.660 fit with her you weren't gonna you weren't gonna she it sounds like you were not gonna do that

01:06:01.740 you know it wasn't happening and that's okay

01:06:05.980 it just it wasn't happening so it sounds like the only way that you guys would have a chance to fit

01:06:13.420 together well

01:06:16.860 is if

01:06:19.740 you know you were different

01:06:23.820 so

01:06:26.780 i bet there will be a time where you will have another opportunity

01:06:32.380 you know i noticed that with love that's really strong or love that that there's some

01:06:36.460 real basis to a lot of times you get another opportunity

01:06:42.540 you know that person sees you deeper than you can see yourself and

01:06:49.420 so at that time you may be a person that can take on a relationship

01:06:55.980 and take on take it on well and show this woman the respect that she deserves

01:07:01.900 as much as you probably don't want to hear it man it's probably for the best right now

01:07:05.820 if you're not able to be

01:07:09.900 the man you want to be for her that you're not with her

01:07:14.220 because then you would just be continuing to solidify the idea that she already has

01:07:19.580 that you're not the man

01:07:23.020 so now you get a chance to step away and i it's painful bro 0.99

01:07:28.220 dude i smoked a bunch of the damn freaking newports 0.99

01:07:31.580 i was blowing newports bro laying on the port swing and that fucking thing broke one night 1.00

01:07:37.260 and i had a damn glass of milk out there i was doing uh 0.98

01:07:40.540 you know one percent in newports and stuff this one i was really you know lifting heavy and doing 0.97

01:07:45.020 steroids and stuff but i was doing one percent in newports and the swing broke

01:07:52.060 and i broke that glass that milk glass dude and a little shard of it came right up in between the

01:07:57.580 the boards on the or the um the little uh pallets on the 0.99

01:08:04.620 swing and nipped me right in the ass boy 1.00

01:08:07.980 i mean i'm just my ass bled brother my ass could bleed i remember that 1.00

01:08:13.660 my ass could really really bleed when i was younger um 1.00

01:08:21.500 but uh 1.00

01:08:25.820 but i think you'll have another opportunity

01:08:30.700 and you know it's hard sometimes when people that we care about or that we

01:08:35.420 kind of put us in our place a little or

01:08:40.860 you know change is kind of scary change is scary

01:08:45.260 you know but i think it's it can be good this is just this is the toughest part of you're going

01:08:48.700 through right now

01:08:51.180 you know that separation and all the comfortable you know you had things really the way you wanted

01:08:55.580 them they were comfortable and you know and now

01:08:59.100 you know it's it's funny when we don't treat someone right and then they're gone

01:09:10.460 you know it's funny that's when you realize how much you miss them you know how much you cared

01:09:15.580 and sometimes some of us are the type of people that we have somebody has to leave us for us to know

01:09:20.460 well i'm sorry that this happened man i know it's probably not fun to deal with um

01:09:31.660 but just keep just stay just keep putting one foot in front of the other you know everything will be okay

01:09:39.260 take care of yourself um don't be alone too much

01:09:43.340 and

01:09:48.300 and this person loved you you know this person cared about you so that's

01:09:52.780 you're obviously someone that can be cared about you're someone that people want to care about

01:09:58.540 and i think you'll have another chance with this person i think you just got to let it play out

01:10:03.580 you know i wouldn't put too much pressure right now i think uh

01:10:06.780 uh but life is long man and the story has many turns

01:10:15.740 so let's see if you guys y'all might pop up in a sentence again

01:10:19.660 y'all might have a new new paragraph right around the corner

01:10:22.860 but whatever is around the corner it needs to be new because whatever you were doing now is not working

01:10:28.940 if you guys just hitch back up now you're gonna be the same old dog

01:10:31.660 so

01:10:36.460 so let this be a you know let this it's gonna hurt but feel some of those feelings feel what it feels

01:10:41.020 like feel what's making you think

01:10:44.700 you know uh and be brave in it be brave in it bro be brave in it

01:10:54.380 you know this is your vietnam brother

01:10:56.140 let's take one more call the hotline is always 985-664-9503 you know we're all just people just

01:11:05.100 trying our best and i'm happy to be part of this group thank you guys for supporting me

01:11:12.220 what's up theo so i recently moved my boyfriend into this house with my parents

01:11:18.060 okay risky move onward they don't live together but my parents helped me move him in and there was

01:11:25.660 this giant hole in the bedroom floor this house is like all kinds of fucked up there's holes everywhere 0.98

01:11:31.020 and this hole is particularly large and particularly deep and while my dad was trying to fix the hole

01:11:38.380 he texted and said uh i found out that this hole is where the past owners used to ship

01:11:43.900 and piss so now that i'm gonna move in the house in a couple years and uh i'm gonna sleep in the 0.94

01:11:50.380 in the poop room where these people used to shit and piss there's that never gonna forget that one 0.98

01:11:56.620 pretty fucking disgusting but um i just thought you should know that maybe give me some advice on how 0.98

01:12:02.380 to fucking forget about that so thank you for all you do um gang gang 0.98

01:12:08.060 well i mean this almost goes full circle because i was saying that one of the beauties of being 0.98

01:12:14.940 outdoors is probably to be able to you know exonerate yourself of of uh urine and feces 0.93

01:12:25.180 wherever you want be natural out there and just flow whole right out of the yard or whatever 0.69

01:12:30.460 i mean what what's going on what do you guys i mean who's shitting in their room what are you guys 0.92

01:12:39.740 doing over there that's the first thing i would ask and what does your boyfriend have to do with you

01:12:44.380 guys move this guy in it kind of seems it seems 0.98

01:12:52.700 you know i think you people have shit everywhere if you had a map or whatever or if they had ghosts 0.99

01:12:59.580 or whatever from bowel movements in people's urine they'd be everywhere 0.98

01:13:05.740 you know a lot of people think that a lot of uh dude i'll tell you this story when i was a kid

01:13:12.300 dude dude i took a little duty out of my diaper or out of my pants probably i was thinking i was about

01:13:17.020 seven put it into my sister's pants bro

01:13:25.980 so

01:13:30.300 you know it's uh

01:13:35.420 you just got to do your best really you got to do your best and um 0.99

01:13:42.700 and yeah fucking put some carpet down or something jesus dude animals have been shitting everywhere 0.99

01:13:49.500 dude a bear could eat you and do and duty you somewhere by this interstate and you'd be a little 0.99

01:13:55.180 duty so it's um sorry this whole story's got me i don't know what to do but i think yeah just pay

01:14:01.900 attention to you know like i just i don't even know where to take this at where but that's what i'm 0.96

01:14:08.540 saying dude urinate outdoors what lazy bastard is just cutting a hole into the floor of their room 0.98

01:14:16.140 and doing poops in it that's i mean that is lazy so hopefully you guys got a good deal on the house 0.98

01:14:22.940 one more call here nine eight five six six four nine five zero three thank you guys for being a part of

01:14:30.140 my life today and uh and thanks for not giving up on me on this tour when i went back out and i planned

01:14:36.060 on the doing the film doing the movie and then changed the mind um

01:14:42.300 and i was just you know i'm just excited to get to bring this show a few more places man we get to

01:14:47.260 go to europe and uh a few more reschedules here in the states and then it's going to be uh

01:14:55.180 i don't know it's going to be a little bit bittersweet onward hey what's up theo feet to the

01:15:00.380 is though this is brendan from wichita you know that wichita what's up wichita yeah i like it over

01:15:07.260 there's barry sanders country of barry sanders park over there and that's where he used to uh

01:15:11.980 play football as a youth onward yeah you know need some help you know my dad texted me this weekend

01:15:17.980 i'm having a child and uh he said that him and his uh wife who is not my mother uh don't feel

01:15:26.540 comfortable uh coming to the baby shower because you know last year at a beer festival my dad may or

01:15:34.940 may not have tried to have sex with uh my girl's best friend who's putting on the baby shower so uh

01:15:43.580 you know i told him just be an adult get over it bro um but you know just want to know your advice

01:15:48.860 on what i should uh what should i do thanks brother take care i think you should invite him again

01:15:57.500 if he says he can't make it then let that be his choice tell him you still love him and that you're

01:16:04.460 on you understand it's going to be tough maybe a little but now if he does decide to come

01:16:13.980 then you guys should do a game where he has to like where somebody has to reveal a secret about

01:16:20.060 somebody else in the room or something kind of crazy or you know like seven seconds in heaven or

01:16:27.100 whatever it is called or um or do something you know put sugar in each other's mouths or something so

01:16:33.900 that that way they have to interact uh i think that that would be fun and pretty deviant but 0.99

01:16:38.940 that should be fun damn your dad's a g out there huh trying to holler at your ladies at your lady's 1.00

01:16:46.300 friend dang that's savage brother but love can get us man you never know love comes in all shapes and 0.99

01:16:55.420 sizes

01:17:01.020 you know but

01:17:04.140 but yeah he should he should not i i i don't know what he should do he did what he did

01:17:08.460 so yeah you could tell him hey dude man up if you're gonna hit on her at least come over here 1.00

01:17:14.380 and hit on the fucking zygote that's inside of my wife's body for an hour and a half 1.00

01:17:19.340 because that kid needs some love as well so if you're willing to hit on uh chandra or whatever 1.00

01:17:25.580 over there at the picnic and come over here and lit and hit on this freaking big seed i got growing 0.65

01:17:31.100 um 0.99

01:17:35.420 but damn dude that's family sounds awesome i'll say that 0.99

01:17:40.700 because man you gotta have some fun you gotta have some fun in the family 1.00

01:17:45.340 and people have been having sex since the beginning of time 0.99

01:17:48.940 you know those drawings on cave walls of people fucking so 0.98

01:17:54.940 you know so you know they were you know but 0.94

01:17:58.140 all right man we did it man we made it to the end of today to the end of this episode

01:18:06.460 you know a lot of feelings out there a lot of people going through stuff this is a time of year when there is uh

01:18:12.860 when there's a lot of spirits in the air

01:18:17.100 when the leaves are changing when we're changing

01:18:22.380 when there's opportunity to shift

01:18:23.980 and we have to know you know is this something real that i'm grasping onto is this just a ghost

01:18:31.660 what's going on

01:18:36.140 but i think one thing i'm going to try to do is just stay excited about it whatever it is

01:18:43.180 if the choices i'm making if i don't know if they're great or i don't know if they're correct

01:18:46.620 at least if i stay excited and hopeful then even if i'm going down a wrong path man

01:18:53.820 i'll be excited while i'm headed down it

01:18:58.780 and you throw enough joy on a wrong path man and it just might turn into a 0.98

01:19:03.660 it just might turn into a damn staircase 0.98

01:19:05.660 you know it just might take you to a 0.96

01:19:13.020 might take you to the place where you where you where exactly where you need to be

01:19:17.260 you know might turn into

01:19:22.140 into a direction of good

01:19:23.420 so i'm gonna try to stay excited it's a good time of year to be excited

01:19:31.180 you know it's a good time of year to be forgiven it's a good time of year

01:19:36.860 you know there's things in the air there's other elements

01:19:40.940 you know the spirits are waiting right behind these moments next to us

01:19:45.580 and we don't have all the pass codes and stuff yet but they're there they're right there

01:19:49.020 and that's uh

01:19:54.860 that's pretty cool

01:19:58.860 you guys be good to yourselves uh you deserve it and let's get lead out today

01:20:04.060 uh with a little bishop gun alabama

01:20:19.020 um

01:20:34.460 she was hotter than the black top broke down at a truck stop 1.00

01:20:39.740 she looked about as wild as the story she told

01:20:46.860 said she was a christian saving souls in savannah and the lovers sending her to alabama

01:21:01.580 um

01:21:07.420 black hair dark roots

01:21:10.700 she got a old man but i shouldn't be worried though it seemed like she was in a hurry 0.97

01:21:16.460 higher than a junkie drying out in the slammer lord i hope i don't die in alabama 0.75

01:21:24.300 alabama 0.97

01:21:34.140 i hope i don't die in alabama

01:21:38.140 well they all seem to be just fine

01:21:51.980 ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll be

01:22:00.460 sharing thoughts on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your

01:22:05.660 partner the answer may shock you sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i won't

01:22:11.980 and as always i'll be joined by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages

01:22:18.300 a lot of people are talking about kite club i've been talking about kite club for so long longer

01:22:23.900 than anybody else so great hi 0.99

01:22:27.180 sweetheart he's a deal anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker 0.97

01:22:33.100 i think tom hanks just butt dialed me anyway first rule the kite club is tell everyone about 0.96

01:22:48.780 kite club second rule the kite club is tell everyone about kite club third rule like and

01:22:54.940 subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on youtube yeah and yes don't worry my

01:23:00.940 brad pitt impression will get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - October 15, 2019

Good to Be Back ｜ This Past Weekend #237

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