This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Junctivitis Dalmont

00:00:00.000 This week's episode brought to you by Gray Block Pizza at 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles on the way to the beach.

00:00:07.500 You headed to the sunshine? You want some sand in your feet? On the way there, stop in. Get that Italian mouthful. You know, Gray Block. Get that hitter.

00:00:17.240 This week's episode brought to you by My West Coast Buds.

00:00:21.660 It is a podcast. It is a show with an inside look at cannabis, comedy, coffee, and Saudi Arabia.

00:00:29.960 No, I'm joking. Spirits like alcohol. Cannabis, coffee, comedy, and spirits. It's all of my favorite vices.

00:00:37.840 A gentleman named Joe Demio, and that could be, you know, Demio could be anything. Italian, foreign, basic, local. Sounds like a young everything.

00:00:48.080 But Joe Demio owns a dispensary in Tigert, Oregon. That's that Upper East Coast Buds shop.

00:00:54.660 And the place is called Cola Cove. And he also acts as a cannabis consultant.

00:01:00.240 Joe teaches people how to get into the weed game as a way to keep the bills paid while he works on being a stand-up comic.

00:01:07.140 So Joe, smoke buds by day, jokes by night. That's what Joe Demio's doing.

00:01:11.980 His show, My West Coast Buds, is a fun inside baseball look at all of those industries.

00:01:17.740 Comedy and weed.

00:01:20.460 How to make whiskey. How to grow pot. How to craft a proper dick joke. Stiff like that.

00:01:25.740 This week's guest comedian is Caitlin Weyerhaeuser.

00:01:28.720 And they talk about comedy and why she's offended and she's never been haunted by a ghost.

00:01:34.140 The link will be below.

00:01:35.080 All right. Now let's get involved in each other's lives.

00:01:41.980 The link will be below.

00:02:11.980 That's it. Brad Levine right there. And that's Better Off Barefoot.

00:02:26.580 And that is sent in by Brad Levine. And we're thankful for that hitter right there.

00:02:31.820 It is May 14th. And it's the year 2018. And that's what's going on. We're out here in the millennium. We're out here in the universe.

00:02:42.760 You know, we had Eddie Bravo in as a guest this past week.

00:02:47.580 And that man, he's keyed up. He's keyed up on life.

00:02:55.080 You know, every time you talk to him, it seemed like he's on about an eight ball of just existence.

00:03:01.100 You know, you ask him anything and, you know, he just goes off.

00:03:05.140 He's like a golden retriever with a hearing problem.

00:03:08.100 You know what I'm saying? He's off. He's gone.

00:03:10.660 You know what I'm saying? He's out there chasing invisible Frisbees.

00:03:14.000 You know, he's out there chasing a Frisbee that was, you know, that just topped out at about 20,000 feet.

00:03:19.380 And that thing might not land until Idaho.

00:03:21.160 But that's how Eddie Bravo is. He's out there.

00:03:25.400 He's out there. And it was interesting to hear a man.

00:03:28.120 I mean, it was interesting just if you didn't get to catch the interview.

00:03:32.600 It was just interesting to hear a man who had had who'd taken on so many things in his life.

00:03:37.900 Everything he got into, not only was he able to get involved and really delve into music, sports, chasing ladies.

00:03:49.040 But he made it into a business along the way.

00:03:52.900 So he was able to take his passions and make them into enough of a business where he was able to sustain himself while he chased individual dreams.

00:04:04.740 And that's, I mean, that's amazing.

00:04:09.700 I mean, that's amazing to think that, oh, I like something.

00:04:14.340 And so I'm going to make it, you know, I'm going to make my dream a financially sustainable reality while I chase it.

00:04:22.000 And this dude was a straight up dream hopper.

00:04:24.760 Eddie Bravo is a dream hopper.

00:04:27.080 If you see him on one dream tonight, you better, you better circle the clouds because he's going to be on another dream tomorrow.

00:04:34.480 That man just goes dream to dream.

00:04:36.460 And he's out there just, you know, he's out there just dreaming or, you know, he's just out there just, just jumping from one dream to the next.

00:04:46.540 And, you know, he done, he, you know, he tried football.

00:04:49.140 He tried, you know, he tried music.

00:04:51.780 He got into jujitsu.

00:04:53.780 You know, now he's out there.

00:04:54.900 He's thinking about outer space, man.

00:04:56.260 His brain has left earth and he's out there chasing.

00:05:00.080 He's out there chasing what could be next.

00:05:02.580 Dude, give that motherfucker a couple months.

00:05:04.460 He'll build a shuttle and Eddie Bravo will go looking for the truth.

00:05:10.400 And is he a part-time astronaut?

00:05:12.380 I don't know, but I bet he's got it in his, in his DNA.

00:05:18.000 I bet if you look into his DNA, I bet the A stands for Armstrong and the N stands for Neil.

00:05:24.920 I bet he's got that D Neil Armstrong in him because Eddie Bravo, you give him that chance, boy, he'll be out there looking for the moon.

00:05:32.000 You give that dude a couple pieces of siding and some bubble gum and an old washer dryer.

00:05:38.860 Bruh, that dude is a, I mean, he's Latino to the core.

00:05:42.020 He'll make the most out of everything.

00:05:43.760 He don't miss a beat.

00:05:44.560 And he's about to turn that washer, you know, he's about to turn that washing machine and that two pieces of siding, you know, that two piece.

00:05:52.840 He's about to turn that into a damn shuttle.

00:05:56.660 You know, Viallo, El Bravo in La Galaxia.

00:06:02.160 But if you get a chance, check out that Eddie Bravo, man.

00:06:05.980 It was amazing to have him in studio and just to, it was just inspiring.

00:06:09.940 It was inspiring to see somebody, because what I do is I'll get involved in something and then I'll, you know, I won't, I won't have the tenacity to also make it a business while I am investigating it.

00:06:24.040 And he just hopped throughout his life from one thing to the next and made small business along the way, made a band, you know, made a jiu-jitsu, started learning jiu-jitsu.

00:06:32.900 And next thing you know, he's winning champs, he's beating, he's beating the greatest in other countries.

00:06:38.180 Other countries.

00:06:39.040 Think about how many other countries there are.

00:06:42.140 Yeah, so many.

00:06:44.540 And he, Eddie Bravo was beating people in other countries.

00:06:46.720 So if you got to listen to that, cool.

00:06:48.520 If you don't know about Eddie Bravo, that's the thing is he's a, look, he's like one of them cans of, um, you ever get one of those cans of snakes in the mail?

00:06:55.780 Somebody send you a can of snakes, fake snakes.

00:06:59.680 And you think, oh, it's just a can.

00:07:01.940 It's just Pringles.

00:07:02.820 It's just chips.

00:07:04.280 You know, I'm about to sour cream and onion myself down into a straight up couch coma.

00:07:08.240 And then your spouse or your, you know, your, your friend or your loved one is going to come in, you know, a couple hours later and found you just comatose in some cushions.

00:07:19.900 But you open that can, it's not Pringles, it's fake snakes.

00:07:23.860 Somebody sent you fake snakes.

00:07:26.720 Come on.

00:07:27.980 And they popping out.

00:07:29.800 And that's Eddie Bravo, man.

00:07:31.020 You ask him a question, you take that top off, and you think it's going to be chips.

00:07:34.980 You're going to have one, he's going to have one, it's going to be that convo.

00:07:37.320 But it's just snakes, boy.

00:07:40.520 Just snakes flying out of that beautiful man.

00:07:44.220 And look, you know, anybody that can tempt the brain of Joe Rogan for years, decades even, man, I was honored to have him in studio.

00:07:51.580 And it was fun.

00:07:53.580 It was fun because, you know, he talks a lot about outer space.

00:07:56.720 He thinks outer space is fictional.

00:08:00.140 You know, so when he looks up at the stars, it's like you and me just looking at a painting.

00:08:04.300 You know, he thinks somebody did it and it's out there.

00:08:08.280 You know, it's like something that Microsoft made or something.

00:08:11.000 And I don't disrespect it.

00:08:13.840 You know, my original thought is to think like, you know, maybe that's crazy.

00:08:17.540 But is it crazy?

00:08:18.660 Dude, I showed up here on a ball of dirt and water and fell out.

00:08:25.300 I fell out of a uterus, bro.

00:08:28.460 A uterus.

00:08:29.560 Something that's hard to spell.

00:08:31.220 I fell out of that onto a ball of dirt and water floating in the middle of nowhere.

00:08:34.940 Could anything be crazier than that?

00:08:39.820 Doubtsy.

00:08:41.020 Doubtsy.

00:08:42.380 Doubtsy.

00:08:43.300 Come on, man.

00:08:45.380 Come on.

00:08:48.040 Thank you guys for joining me here today, man.

00:08:50.140 I'm happy to be with you guys.

00:08:51.580 Thank you guys for checking out the Eddie Bravo episode.

00:08:53.280 You can also, I was on this thing called JK News and you can see it on YouTube.

00:08:58.040 And look, I'll be straight up with you.

00:09:00.700 These people in there are Asian and Latino.

00:09:04.900 And by Latino, I mean pretty much Mexican.

00:09:06.720 And, man, I was nervous when I got in there.

00:09:11.460 And I was nervous, I guess.

00:09:14.160 You know, I was nervous because, you know, honestly, I thought that, you know, I guess part of me, you know, you go into a place and I thought that these people were better than me.

00:09:23.720 Or that they were thinking that they were better than me.

00:09:27.040 And they weren't.

00:09:29.020 They weren't.

00:09:29.560 It was just this weird fear in my head, you know.

00:09:31.720 So, you know, I got into this weird, it was early, it was kind of early in the morning for me.

00:09:35.440 I had a late night of doing shows and next thing you know, I'm there and, you know, I got in there and it's like a half hour till we start.

00:09:43.920 And they're eating Asian food early in the morning.

00:09:48.560 And some people could say, oh, you're being racist.

00:09:50.400 I'm not being racist.

00:09:51.320 I love Asians, dude.

00:09:52.920 Give me an Asian right now.

00:09:54.740 Give me an Asian, dude.

00:09:55.640 I'll fucking put them in my shirt.

00:09:57.540 I'll hug them.

00:09:58.860 I'll hold them.

00:10:00.180 I'll start a family, bruh.

00:10:02.200 I'll put cinnamon on them and start a family of cinnamon Asians.

00:10:04.840 Never seen.

00:10:06.340 Never seen by anyone.

00:10:07.520 Rare.

00:10:08.300 Very rare.

00:10:09.540 Them CAs.

00:10:11.920 And, but I'm not going to talk about them.

00:10:15.060 Not going to say the word Asian because it's strange.

00:10:17.980 They don't have to describe somebody to you and be vague.

00:10:20.460 No.

00:10:21.220 Elsewhere, please, if you're thinking like that.

00:10:23.820 But, dude, I was in there and I felt inferior a little bit.

00:10:26.000 And so I was kind of scared.

00:10:27.040 And I was on my phone and like, you know, looking up like man shit on my phone.

00:10:30.620 I'm like looking up like sports.

00:10:32.180 Even though it was 10.30 a.m.

00:10:33.700 There's like no sports going on.

00:10:35.820 So I'm on ESPN app just like looking up cricket scores and like, you know, soccer.

00:10:42.540 Liverpool.

00:10:43.400 Is Liverpool in every soccer game?

00:10:45.980 Because every time I look on ESPN, it's just, that's all it is.

00:10:48.940 Liverpool.

00:10:49.700 Liverpool.

00:10:50.920 Liverpool.

00:10:52.720 So that's kind of how that broke down.

00:10:54.640 And I'm sitting there and then we got started and it was fun, man.

00:10:57.860 It was like, you know, I'd never, you know what I realized?

00:11:00.740 I'd never hung out with Asian people that much.

00:11:02.560 And these people were, they had Vietnamese, they had Japanese, you know, they had straight

00:11:09.300 up fucking Dragon Ball Z was in that motherfucker.

00:11:16.120 It got hella Asian.

00:11:17.240 I didn't know what was going on.

00:11:19.420 And man, they were more, their show, the Japanese and Mexican hosts that were in there

00:11:26.440 were more real than any of the shows I've been on.

00:11:30.840 And I think a lot of like, and there's this thing in like, um, with some of the white hosts

00:11:35.680 that I've been around in white culture where we are afraid to speak our minds and those

00:11:40.560 people are fearless.

00:11:42.200 And dude, I, I didn't, I guess I thought I would go and it would be less, you know, I

00:11:47.740 guess I thought that they would be more fearful for some reason, but it was inspiring.

00:11:51.840 I got in there and they were fearless.

00:11:53.400 They shared what they really felt and they, and they weren't, and you could tell where they

00:11:58.220 came from.

00:11:58.580 And they weren't from a bad place, but they were just very real and it was refreshing.

00:12:02.820 And so I'm thankful to them.

00:12:03.740 That stuff's called JK news.

00:12:05.340 And we did about 15 clips and it's all out there on YouTube.

00:12:08.140 If you want to check it out, but thank you for joining me, man.

00:12:12.520 This past weekend, you know, tonight I'm going to, uh, Oh, I got to tell you this.

00:12:19.500 Mickey got them hitters trick lung.

00:12:22.500 Mickey got them air sacks.

00:12:23.780 And if you, you know, follow me on Instagram, you see that we put a picture of him up and

00:12:29.420 he got them, man.

00:12:31.600 And he got them.

00:12:32.340 And it just, man, look, I got so many messages and I'm not even him.

00:12:37.860 Um, you know, I'm just that liaison.

00:12:40.340 I'm that third lung, baby.

00:12:42.180 You know, I'm out here pumping from the side, just cheering him on.

00:12:44.880 Just come on, man.

00:12:48.660 Come on.

00:12:51.060 And, and it was just great, man.

00:12:53.560 I mean, the dude just warms my heart.

00:12:55.000 Cause he's going to be alive as far as we know.

00:12:57.960 And here's the crazy part though.

00:12:59.800 I haven't got to talk to him yet because I don't know if he could talk.

00:13:02.220 I don't know if he's got words in his new lungs yet.

00:13:04.320 Cause you got to relearn them, uh, hitters, but he's got, he's got them healthy sacks.

00:13:08.720 That dude's running on two fricking, who knows how much air he's going to have.

00:13:12.840 He'll probably be fucking whistling by, you know, by Thursday.

00:13:16.580 He could be hailing cabs by next week.

00:13:20.080 That mother, he could be calling a dog from far away.

00:13:25.000 Anything.

00:13:26.360 And here's the wildest part.

00:13:28.840 He, he got them.

00:13:30.300 He got them.

00:13:31.460 Um, he got them straight up in her, you know, them inner air titties.

00:13:35.860 He got them from somebody had overdosed.

00:13:39.680 Somebody overdosed, you know, and that's just such a crazy circle.

00:13:43.760 Like somebody was so sick, you know, they were sick and they couldn't get well.

00:13:49.620 And they overdosed and God took them out of the game.

00:13:53.360 And he took them hitters and put them in a mitt.

00:13:56.920 And I'm thinking my first thought is do well, what if that dude was smoking crack?

00:14:01.760 And now Mickey got them straight up crack bags in him.

00:14:05.880 You know, he got them straight up them, them, them rock rockets inside of his chest.

00:14:12.420 What if he starts, that dude might walk out of the hospital fiending for, you know, fiending for that baby, that chemical boulder, that crack cocaine.

00:14:22.220 I mean, he might be fiending for that.

00:14:26.640 And so I'm a little bit worried about that.

00:14:28.120 What if that dude was smoking dope all day and, you know, he got them, trick lung, Mickey's going to come out with them, with them narco sacks.

00:14:37.860 He's going to come out wanting to hunt in a gram.

00:14:40.200 He's going to come out sniffing for grams.

00:14:43.080 You know, like a rabbit.

00:14:45.020 It's like a, he's going to come out sniffing for grams like a rabbit.

00:14:50.420 Like a rabbit that was raised in Columbia.

00:14:53.600 Like a Colombian jack rabbit.

00:14:55.140 So, it's a little alarming, but at the same time, you know, that's the chance you take.

00:15:00.620 You know, instead of having hardly any lungs, at least he got lungs.

00:15:03.480 Even if those lungs, you know, if they're addicted to cocaine or to crack cocaine, I'd rather have Mickey out there on the street out there, you know, doing what he's got to do.

00:15:13.020 You know, selling a little bit of leg or vending a little bit of ass cheek or whatever he's got to do.

00:15:18.740 You know, at least he'll be alive.

00:15:20.140 And so, I'm just grateful, man.

00:15:22.020 I'm just grateful to know him.

00:15:23.660 You know, I don't have anything to do with it.

00:15:24.900 I'm just, you know.

00:15:28.280 What does it say in that Shine song that we listen to?

00:15:32.600 It says, Shine your light on me.

00:15:36.340 Tell you my story.

00:15:37.960 Or something like that.

00:15:40.040 But I'm just sharing the story, man.

00:15:41.820 And it's a feel-good story for me.

00:15:43.160 Man, I take that inhale, and I know that Mickey's going to be doing that same thing.

00:15:49.140 And now we can relate to each other off that world hit.

00:15:54.400 So, that's exciting, man.

00:15:55.740 What else happened to me?

00:15:57.220 I'm still on that Paleo's, boy.

00:15:59.500 I'm still on that Paleo's diet.

00:16:01.760 And I don't know who Paleo's was, but that, I'm sure he died of starvation because I haven't eaten.

00:16:07.000 Dude, ah.

00:16:08.520 You know what I'm saying?

00:16:09.040 And I'll look down, when somebody's talking, I can, I'm trying to look down their throat to see if they got anything in them.

00:16:14.540 That's how hungry I am, boy.

00:16:17.120 You know?

00:16:18.460 I'll lick a little bit of chocolate out of one of your molars, boy.

00:16:21.300 I'm fucking hungry.

00:16:23.920 And most of you just end up reading like the bad, like, basically, it's not even about diet.

00:16:28.320 It's more about reading.

00:16:29.560 Because I'll pick up anything, I'll read it, and it'll be like, oh, I can't have what's in here.

00:16:33.580 And then I'll put it down.

00:16:35.800 So, Paleo's diet is mostly more about reading and learning.

00:16:38.480 I guess brushing up on your reading.

00:16:40.220 If you want to brush up on some reading, do Paleo's.

00:16:42.800 Because you read all the labels, you can't have anything.

00:16:47.120 So, that's where I've been at.

00:16:49.860 What else?

00:16:50.980 What else is going on?

00:16:52.920 I'm trying to think of what I've been feeling, man.

00:16:55.260 I was, they have the Mitzi Shore Celebration of Life.

00:16:58.980 And that's the woman that started the, that's the woman that started the comedy store.

00:17:04.220 So, I'm going to her Celebration of Life tonight.

00:17:06.700 And so, that'll be interesting.

00:17:07.700 I'm curious to see what stars might be there.

00:17:10.540 I'm going to try to put something up on Patreon for everybody.

00:17:12.980 But I'm hoping, you know, to see some guys, maybe Howie Mandel.

00:17:17.400 You know, Eddie Murphy could come out.

00:17:19.120 Jim Carrey could come.

00:17:19.980 You just don't know.

00:17:20.900 Anybody that's ever been associated with the place could pop through.

00:17:23.360 So, that should be kind of an eclectic evening and an evening of joy.

00:17:28.220 And so, I'm excited to be about there and be about that.

00:17:31.500 And what else is going on, man?

00:17:33.980 You know, it's, it was kind of a calm weekend.

00:17:38.040 I did a lot of comedy sets.

00:17:42.340 Not much, really.

00:17:44.160 Oh, I had a crazy dream, dude.

00:17:45.800 I had a dream, right?

00:17:47.880 I had a dream that I was in this airport and there was water in it.

00:17:53.240 And not only did you have to get to your flight, but you had to, like, swim to the door.

00:17:58.100 You know, you had to, you had to swim to the door of your flight.

00:18:01.840 And so, that was, that was pretty intense because it's hard to get to your flight anyway.

00:18:07.240 And then everybody's trying to swim and catch their breath.

00:18:10.000 And some people are just laying on floaties and shit.

00:18:12.660 And you're like, damn, dude, I got to get to my gate.

00:18:14.980 And they got a motherfucker out there with a Mai Tai, you know, and he's hitting a cigar and shit.

00:18:20.040 And you're just trying to, you know, I'm just breaststroking a C12.

00:18:24.280 You know, I'm trying to catch that, I'm trying to catch that connection.

00:18:28.080 So, I had one of those, you know, watery airport dreams.

00:18:32.800 And that's it.

00:18:34.640 We got a bunch of calls that came in, you know.

00:18:37.520 And, you know, we're going to try to sometimes, you know, if we have a guest, we'll connect, we'll connect, you know, whatever previous, whatever previous episode we had, we'll connect, you know, calls and responses into the next episode.

00:18:51.940 Those won't a lot of times be on the interview episodes.

00:18:56.120 But, yeah, we got a lot of good stuff going on.

00:18:59.520 You know, we got a lot of good things happening here.

00:19:01.660 And I'm grateful for you guys being here with us and being a part of things.

00:19:04.840 Let's get, we'll just get into a couple of calls, you know.

00:19:08.820 I'll tell you too right now, and some of you guys know it and some of you don't, that I'm going to be at Clusterfest in San Francisco June 2nd and 3rd.

00:19:19.020 I'm not doing much time there.

00:19:20.520 That's not my choice.

00:19:21.640 That's Clusterfest.

00:19:22.880 They don't want to put the dog in the fight, man.

00:19:25.840 Dude, you know, I can't.

00:19:28.440 Man, this industry, bro.

00:19:31.160 June 9th, Cherokee Casino.

00:19:33.080 That's West Siloam Springs, Oklahoma.

00:19:35.440 I'll be out there June 9th.

00:19:36.680 June 15th and 16th at Yuck Yucks in Calgary.

00:19:39.660 Come out there and get that Canadian, get that exchange rate on daddy.

00:19:42.960 Get that bus back exchange rate.

00:19:45.560 You know what I'm saying?

00:19:46.160 I'll fucking lick your cousin, bruh.

00:19:48.160 Bring him out.

00:19:48.840 Wash his skin and bring him out or her out.

00:19:51.420 I'll lick your cousin, man.

00:19:53.440 June 23rd, I'm at Timbler Brewing Company in Bakersfield.

00:19:56.240 June 6th through 8th, I'm at Levity Live in Oxnard.

00:20:00.000 And July 20th through the 22nd at Charlie Goodnights in Raleigh, North Carolina.

00:20:05.240 I'm trying to get some Chicago dates, trying to work it out right now.

00:20:08.860 We also have some Stark County, Illinois dates, some rural Illinois out there.

00:20:12.740 We'll be out there in Stark County outside of Peoria and Kewanee for a fundraiser at a theater.

00:20:19.980 And I'll tell you those dates soon.

00:20:21.500 And, oh, what's been happening?

00:20:24.180 Oh, Hawaii.

00:20:26.000 Dude, Hawaii, the earth is breaking.

00:20:29.100 And they got that hot, they got that hot sauce coming out.

00:20:35.040 Dude, imagine, because remember that game you used to play when you were a kid, lava?

00:20:40.880 And like there was just lava everywhere and you couldn't step on the floor.

00:20:44.140 You had to stand on a chair and you had to jump on the couch and you had to jump on the,

00:20:47.140 on the, on the end table and then you, mom, beat your ass.

00:20:52.840 Remember that?

00:20:54.000 Remember that part?

00:20:54.760 It was like lava.

00:20:56.160 Jump on the couch.

00:20:57.420 Jump on the chair.

00:20:58.600 Jump on the end table.

00:21:00.220 Mom beat ass.

00:21:02.960 That's, but that's real life.

00:21:05.240 And Hawaii.

00:21:06.240 And what's crazy is you think with all these surfers that have somebody that would have one of those surfboards

00:21:11.620 where they could get out there on that and surf that lava.

00:21:16.020 You know what I'm saying?

00:21:16.720 Where's Tony Hawk now?

00:21:18.700 You know, Tony Hawk just had his 50th birthday party or, you know, 45th birthday party or 30th or something.

00:21:24.620 He's an adult.

00:21:25.200 He's tall.

00:21:26.320 So he's been an adult probably longer than a lot of people.

00:21:29.620 And he had, where's he at?

00:21:31.740 You know, where's Rob Deredick?

00:21:34.080 Rob Deredick always talking about he a badass and stuff like that.

00:21:37.660 You know, he's, he always talking about he that five foot badass.

00:21:40.380 He's the white Nate Robinson.

00:21:42.120 But where he's at with that skateboard?

00:21:44.520 You know what I'm saying?

00:21:45.980 I'm talking about your boy Elon Musk.

00:21:49.000 Why don't you lend Rob Deredick a skateboard?

00:21:51.560 Let him get out there and rock, you know, rock that lava.

00:21:55.460 Where's Big?

00:21:56.220 Who killed Big?

00:21:57.900 Somebody will be out there.

00:21:59.780 Big would be out there on something on a pontoon boat.

00:22:02.960 Let's see it.

00:22:04.060 Where's Steve-O?

00:22:05.340 Where's, you know, where's Steve-O, dude?

00:22:11.500 Where's, what's his name?

00:22:12.640 Johnny, Johnny Naxville.

00:22:15.500 Where's Johnny Naxville?

00:22:16.680 Get out there.

00:22:17.720 He's out there farting in gym class or whatever and telling people and, you know, throwing his nuts down, you know, throwing his nuts, you know, into a children's academy or whatever.

00:22:28.800 Why don't you see what you can do?

00:22:29.960 Get out there.

00:22:31.320 Hop on a refrigerator door and rock that lava.

00:22:34.780 You know, everybody wants to say they're the best at this.

00:22:36.960 They're the best at that.

00:22:38.080 But now they got a great opportunity.

00:22:40.380 Do a fundraiser.

00:22:42.020 You know, GoFundMe.

00:22:43.920 I bet you can raise two mil to see, see, dude, you'll surf that lava.

00:22:48.640 See how far you go.

00:22:50.180 Catch a tidal wave.

00:22:50.880 Who's a great surfer?

00:22:52.300 Let me look up right now.

00:22:53.440 Great surfers everywhere.

00:22:57.580 Because I don't want to say America because anything could happen.

00:23:00.480 Let me see some images right here.

00:23:05.060 Fuck, man, this shit.

00:23:07.280 Great adult surfers.

00:23:09.180 Let me look up that.

00:23:10.980 Adult surfers that you should know.

00:23:14.760 That's better.

00:23:16.300 Okay, here we go.

00:23:19.540 Fuck.

00:23:20.940 Famous adults who surf water.

00:23:25.300 All right.

00:23:28.140 Okay.

00:23:29.460 Who else they say out there surfing?

00:23:31.360 I don't know.

00:23:32.160 Google sucks, dude.

00:23:33.920 Everything is just, it all just leads to Rihanna.

00:23:36.480 That's the thing about Google.

00:23:37.600 So I didn't find anything.

00:23:39.860 But you know what I'm saying?

00:23:41.000 Get out there.

00:23:42.180 Who else is a good surfer who's supposed to be out there?

00:23:47.260 X Games.

00:23:48.120 Oh, Sean White.

00:23:49.040 Where you at, Sean White?

00:23:51.300 Huh?

00:23:52.120 You got that fire.

00:23:53.340 You got that fire top and that fire roch.

00:23:56.660 Well, get aboard, baby, and hit that fire.

00:23:59.640 Make it, do that triumvirate.

00:24:01.440 Make it full circle.

00:24:03.020 Ride that lava, daddy.

00:24:05.000 You out there winning them easy gold medals.

00:24:08.220 Get out there and hit that volcano, cat daddy.

00:24:11.180 Where you at now?

00:24:13.640 Where you at with your talents?

00:24:17.300 Everybody's saying they talented, but nobody wants to, nobody wants to get out there and,

00:24:21.080 and, uh, you know, nobody wants to get out there and, and ride on the, on the breast of mother nature.

00:24:27.520 Nobody wants to get out there and ride on the fiery backstrap of Hades.

00:24:34.240 That lava flow, that Hawaiian lava flow.

00:24:36.700 And that's going on right now.

00:24:38.780 Are you an X gamer?

00:24:39.780 Let's see it.

00:24:40.820 You hopped up on Mountain Dew or whatever.

00:24:43.420 You that Red Bull, some man jumping out of space, landing back on Earth.

00:24:47.160 That's fucking easy.

00:24:48.180 I want to see somebody ride that lava.

00:24:51.800 Who is it?

00:24:53.000 Who do you think should ride that lava?

00:24:54.760 Get out there.

00:24:55.420 Rosie O'Donnell.

00:24:57.140 Put her loud ass out there.

00:24:59.340 Kathy Griffin or Andy Dick.

00:25:01.820 Same person.

00:25:03.260 Put her out there.

00:25:05.400 Chelsea Handler.

00:25:06.320 Get out there, boom, boom.

00:25:08.820 You know it all, huh?

00:25:10.920 Get out there.

00:25:12.640 Get out there and surf that lava, baby girl.

00:25:15.780 Girl, let's see who's hot now.

00:25:19.940 Fucking pisses me off, man.

00:25:21.560 Everybody's saying all this shit and nobody's out there.

00:25:24.680 But anyhow, man, you know, big love to Hawaii.

00:25:28.860 I know one man out there and he's a good man.

00:25:31.700 And I recently was in Maui and I had a blast and I've been to Kauai and it's just a beautiful place.

00:25:36.940 And I don't know why they're doing that.

00:25:38.560 I don't know why this is happening out there.

00:25:40.740 And they got that magma, they call it.

00:25:44.520 Magma.

00:25:45.780 You never know.

00:25:47.940 That magma, boy.

00:25:49.720 Magma sounds like a crazy girl, doesn't it?

00:25:52.040 Oh, shit.

00:25:53.740 That's fucking magma.

00:25:56.260 Oh, is that magma Jackson?

00:25:58.560 Damn.

00:26:00.500 Oh, she got her leg braces off, girl.

00:26:04.460 Damn, that's magma Jackson.

00:26:07.640 Oh, is, is, uh, oh, shit.

00:26:10.960 Magma didn't bring no lunch.

00:26:13.020 She gonna fuck somebody up.

00:26:15.780 Magma sounds like a crazy name, huh?

00:26:19.220 Sounds almost Russian a little bit.

00:26:21.540 Who knows, dude?

00:26:22.460 I don't know.

00:26:23.100 I don't even know what's going on today.

00:26:25.980 I'm just in that weird, I'm just in that weird space, I guess.

00:26:30.480 Okay, all right.

00:26:36.240 I'm trying to stay alive.

00:26:37.440 Let's do it.

00:26:37.820 Let's get into some of these calls.

00:26:38.880 Some calls, you know, I always ask who's listening to the show and let's get a hit of who's listening

00:26:43.860 right here.

00:26:44.960 This is Jesus or Jesus calling from San Jose, California.

00:26:50.100 Dang, Jesus or Jesus up there in San Jose.

00:26:53.620 And that sounds like a Latino name.

00:26:55.320 And that's probably a beautiful name.

00:26:56.820 And that sounds like a lot of pressure, bro.

00:27:00.360 Dude, that sounds like a lot of pressure.

00:27:03.360 You know what I'm saying, bro?

00:27:05.880 Dude, you ever notice like, uh, some Latino guys, when they talk, they start getting looking just higher and higher at the sky, you know?

00:27:12.840 Oh, I'm up here now.

00:27:16.520 Um, thank you for calling, Jesus.

00:27:18.200 I appreciate it, man.

00:27:19.600 Uh, that sounds like a lot of pressure being named after Jesus.

00:27:24.000 Gosh.

00:27:25.940 Dude, you, that's like naming your kid Michael Jordan.

00:27:30.140 Like, I met a dude named Michael Jordan that worked at the airport one time.

00:27:33.720 And I'm like, damn, bro.

00:27:36.560 Like, if you was, you know, you know, uh, Sherman Jordan, then yeah.

00:27:42.960 Work at the airport.

00:27:43.780 It's nice.

00:27:44.240 Y'all got a nice squad over there.

00:27:46.040 You know, you working for Virgin Atlantic or, uh, or, uh, or United.

00:27:50.700 But damn, fucking Michael Jordan out here.

00:27:54.220 Going two for two on these check bags.

00:27:57.840 It's just a lot of pressure, man.

00:27:59.480 So let's hear more.

00:28:00.400 Jesus, thanks for calling.

00:28:02.260 And you were wondering who listens to the podcast.

00:28:05.080 I am a cook, a line cook, I guess you could say.

00:28:09.720 I work for a corporate facility.

00:28:12.840 Don't know if I'm supposed to say the name, but fuck it, I'm going to say it anyway.

00:28:16.240 Uh, I work for, uh, one of the Apple cafes where they feed their employees.

00:28:22.860 Wow.

00:28:24.860 Hey, Seuss, that line cook.

00:28:26.620 And I'll be honest, dude, working in a, working as a cook, dude, you'll end up on drugs, man.

00:28:31.800 So be careful out there.

00:28:32.960 You know, especially if you're Jesus, dude, people are going to be offering you dope.

00:28:36.960 Because everybody want to fucking bust a rail with Jesus.

00:28:39.840 And I'm not trying to sound sacrilege, but that is the truth.

00:28:43.420 That's the crazy part, dude.

00:28:44.580 If somebody met Jesus and he was trying to talk, you know, really kind of keep them straight, straight edge.

00:28:49.200 You know, somebody going to try to bust JC a rail.

00:28:53.000 Somebody going to try to sneak him that 8BZ.

00:28:56.160 Somebody going to, you know, somebody going to drop a couple of straight rocks in his pox.

00:29:00.440 You know, somebody going to fucking, you know, just try to, you know, somebody going to try to get a couple grams up in his system.

00:29:10.620 Try to get up in his Philippines, bro.

00:29:13.560 Try to fill his Philippines up with some of that dust, dust.

00:29:17.300 Some of that dust, dust.

00:29:18.540 Come on.

00:29:21.780 So I look and you're at Apple.

00:29:23.540 What are you feeding those people?

00:29:25.300 What do they eat?

00:29:27.520 People at Apple?

00:29:28.360 I can't even imagine.

00:29:29.560 I bet it just seemed to me like they would just come through like robots, you know, like they just all have sun sunburn on their face from the screen.

00:29:37.360 Just screen burn.

00:29:38.560 You know, some dude's been on Google for, on a search engine for so long, he just has it like imprinted into his face.

00:29:45.680 Onward, Jesus.

00:29:46.360 Thanks for calling and thanks for listening.

00:29:47.600 Let's hear more.

00:29:48.680 It's a cool job.

00:29:50.060 I went to culinary school a couple years ago.

00:29:53.280 And this is where I ended up because the money is better than working at a restaurant and the hours don't suck ass.

00:30:01.380 This is what I am doing, feeding a bunch of programmers and a bunch of nerds, basically.

00:30:10.240 That's it.

00:30:10.660 You got them nerd eats.

00:30:12.660 You got them nerd.

00:30:13.260 Bro, you should do a little thing where you throw a couple treats in the air and watch a couple of them dudes catch them.

00:30:19.260 Watch them get all fired up.

00:30:20.360 Play three flies in with a couple of bugles or some Fritos.

00:30:24.500 You know, watch them glasses get all steamed up.

00:30:26.580 Couple of dudes nerding out.

00:30:28.500 Couple of dudes geeked up.

00:30:29.680 Carpal tunnel.

00:30:30.200 That's carpal tunnel country.

00:30:31.860 Because, you know, people get all hopped up on them space bars and, you know, and next thing you know, they can't move their arms.

00:30:38.780 You know, and they got to hug elbows first.

00:30:40.800 They can't really use their hands.

00:30:42.760 So they can't even juggle.

00:30:44.900 They just, you know, a lot of times they won't juggle.

00:30:46.620 They'll just have three balls just sitting next to them and they'll just be standing there.

00:30:51.520 You know, when people, that carpal tunnel is a dangerous thing.

00:30:55.320 You know, I had this lady, I used to work at this insurance company and this lady had it.

00:30:58.760 And she was kind of heavy enough.

00:31:00.500 She had real, real chunky forearms.

00:31:04.140 I mean, this lady probably had about 16 pound forearms on each arm.

00:31:07.440 And the biceps were smaller.

00:31:08.860 You don't see that.

00:31:10.500 You know, that's almost like a nocturnal creature.

00:31:13.480 And she had that carpal tunnel.

00:31:15.960 And she couldn't do, she would get this milkshake and she had to like almost lean back, like kind of lean back and land in her chair.

00:31:25.060 And then land the milkshake on her shoulder.

00:31:28.760 And then catch that hit out that shape.

00:31:32.800 You know, catch that hit out that sweet milk cup.

00:31:36.160 So, because she couldn't, you know, she had them heavy arm.

00:31:39.040 I mean, dude, this lady was, you know, she had, you know, 32 pounds of forearm and carpal tunnel.

00:31:44.740 That means her fingers was all busted out.

00:31:46.940 She had them Riddick bow knuckles, you know.

00:31:49.320 Her fingers was all, you know, not doing well and probably just moving back to Philadelphia.

00:31:53.380 You know, she had them Bernard Hopkins was on her.

00:31:57.440 So, you know, you got to be careful out there.

00:32:00.440 I mean, you got to be careful when you're feeding those people.

00:32:02.320 Don't feed them something heavy.

00:32:04.200 You know, if these are programmers and they're running them keys all day, you know, and they're hitting them.

00:32:08.960 And dude, programmers, bro, they're not, like, we're regular people.

00:32:12.460 We use ASDF, JKL, SIM, we use the regular space bars, you know, maybe hit one and two once in a while.

00:32:18.420 Maybe look up and see where the other numbers are and hit one of those.

00:32:21.820 But programmers, they use the outside buttons, outside of the middle stuff.

00:32:28.040 I don't even know what that is, that stuff.

00:32:31.160 One of those things that just is like that.

00:32:33.660 What the fuck is that, bro?

00:32:35.900 Like a sideways straight line that just kind of fell over.

00:32:39.920 It's like a tree that fucking fell over but didn't fall all the way.

00:32:44.120 What is that?

00:32:45.800 They got all kind of shit over there.

00:32:47.740 Little shark faces.

00:32:49.060 They have everything.

00:32:50.480 And that's where those guys operate in that outside realm.

00:32:53.820 In that sphere.

00:32:55.600 You know, they out there in that, in that, what do they call that?

00:33:01.740 That, what the fuck is that word?

00:33:08.160 I don't know.

00:33:09.920 In that, you know, in that coral reef of, uh, of computering.

00:33:14.400 So they're out there.

00:33:15.700 But yeah, man, so be careful.

00:33:16.940 Don't give them something heavy.

00:33:18.000 Don't keep going.

00:33:18.540 Don't give them that two pound burger.

00:33:19.920 You'll fucking snap a dude's wrist.

00:33:22.140 You know, that dude's supposed to, you know, he's supposed to program the next fucking, you know, safari or lion or whatever they got.

00:33:29.660 You know, Guatemalan fuck monkey, whatever the new iOS operating system is going to be.

00:33:34.260 You know, that leopard or whatever, that cheetah, that MILF.

00:33:39.180 Dude, wouldn't MILF be a good operating system?

00:33:40.900 That thing always wants to fuck.

00:33:44.920 But anyhow, onward.

00:33:46.900 Thanks for calling.

00:33:47.380 Keep doing your thing, boy.

00:33:50.100 We'll keep supporting you.

00:33:51.480 The, the this past weekend family loves you.

00:33:54.600 Thanks, Jesus, man.

00:33:56.840 I appreciate that, dude.

00:33:58.220 And thank you for working hard, man.

00:33:59.620 You went in there.

00:34:00.140 You got your degree.

00:34:00.880 You got that culinary.

00:34:01.920 And now you're up there working at Apple.

00:34:03.740 Next thing you know, you're going to hear something in the, in the, uh, at work one day.

00:34:08.600 You're going to hear somebody drop a little bit of knowledge.

00:34:10.600 That stock tip.

00:34:12.200 You know, you're going to hear somebody, somebody's going to drop a, uh, you know, maybe a, um, a little USB drive that has the secrets of the universe on it.

00:34:20.160 And you're going to get that bitch and be like, dang, Pluto is back.

00:34:25.380 They found Pluto or, you know what I'm saying?

00:34:28.240 Or Chewbacca was just a lesbian.

00:34:30.580 You're going to find out that rare shit that we don't know.

00:34:33.220 Cause you're in there.

00:34:34.260 You're working in the realm.

00:34:35.120 Thanks for listening.

00:34:36.000 Hey, Zeus.

00:34:37.460 Uh, uh, and I, and thanks for calling onward.

00:34:40.440 Let's hear another, um, let's hear another call.

00:34:43.880 What's up, Theo?

00:34:44.980 Uh, just listening to this week's episode and, uh, you asked for comments.

00:34:50.160 On monogamy, you talked a little bit about, uh, your own struggle, uh, about if you didn't know if you could, uh, stay in a monogamous relationship for long-term.

00:34:59.840 Yep, that's true.

00:35:01.380 That's a big fear of mine.

00:35:02.940 Um, and I appreciate you calling.

00:35:04.480 Let's hear more.

00:35:05.320 For long-term.

00:35:06.460 And I think similarly to other dark arts, uh, like you quit, uh, doing coke, which is great.

00:35:14.620 Um, you say you make the decision every day, you know, that I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna drink or, or drug today.

00:35:21.920 And I think a lot of people in relationships don't do that with, uh, in concerns to cheating on their partner.

00:35:29.860 I think if you leave it up to circumstance, it's gonna happen.

00:35:33.160 Uh, when you meet somebody, you can kind of gauge where that, where that new friendship or relationship is gonna go.

00:35:38.480 You know, you're right when you, if you leave it up to circumstance, that's true.

00:35:43.840 Because circumstance is controlled now.

00:35:47.040 This isn't, you know, this isn't 20 years ago when circumstance was circumstance.

00:35:53.040 Oh yeah, somebody might see you singing in the lounge and, you know, they'll give you a record deal.

00:35:57.760 That, this ain't then.

00:35:59.980 You might bump into somebody and next, that might not be the case now.

00:36:06.320 Circumstance is controlled.

00:36:09.060 So, you know, it's like you see, you see an ad, you, you know, you click on an ad for shoes on Facebook.

00:36:15.780 And next thing you know, you walk outside and there's three models walking through your apartment complex and they all wearing those fucking sneakers.

00:36:22.980 And you're like, damn.

00:36:25.600 This, these bitches are wearing, got on my brain hoofs.

00:36:28.820 They just, they, they, they picked these hoofs right out of my brain.

00:36:32.420 That's how it is.

00:36:33.340 There's no circumstance anymore.

00:36:35.220 It's all being advertised.

00:36:36.460 It's being sold to you constantly.

00:36:39.700 And that's the dark arts.

00:36:42.000 And if you don't think Poissy is one of them dark arts, come on, man.

00:36:47.560 Come on.

00:36:48.420 You know, they got a buddy of mine back in Louisiana and he, and that's what you talk to him.

00:36:54.040 He says, come on, come on.

00:36:59.840 But that, dude, there's, there's no circumstance.

00:37:01.820 Oh, you think that, that, oh, look, I love, I love, uh, you know, chocolate covered, uh, pear slices.

00:37:10.920 I love those.

00:37:12.400 Daddy loves them.

00:37:13.920 And they just popped up on my Facebook.

00:37:17.420 It's a blessing.

00:37:18.500 That ain't no blessing.

00:37:20.360 I mean, it's a blessing that you like them.

00:37:22.020 I like them.

00:37:23.560 I love pears.

00:37:24.540 Most underrated fucking fruit out there.

00:37:26.780 People talking apples, people talking oranges, bitch, a pear, a soft pear, that thing will

00:37:33.080 jump in your mouth and fucking sunbathe on your tongue.

00:37:38.940 But you ever had pear juice?

00:37:40.300 Dude, pear juice is so good.

00:37:41.780 It runs out the side of your fucking face.

00:37:46.340 Advertise.

00:37:46.800 That's advertising to other people.

00:37:49.020 Come get this sauce.

00:37:50.680 This is sauce.

00:37:53.380 Other fruits don't do that.

00:37:54.700 They don't have it like that.

00:37:56.860 A pear knows it's good.

00:37:58.280 It's like I'm going in you and out of you at the same time.

00:38:02.960 That's that uncontrollable flow.

00:38:04.740 If you got a good hit, a pear.

00:38:07.100 Boy, you leave a couple of slices of pear out there outside.

00:38:10.680 You come outside in the morning, you find a couple of beautiful babies out there.

00:38:15.180 A couple, you know, a couple of young, you know, legally aged shorties out there lurking.

00:38:19.540 Trying to meet you, you know, because they know you got them tasty fruits, papá, papi.

00:38:27.960 Oh, papi got them frutas.

00:38:31.200 Oh, you got them pear slices.

00:38:33.820 Hey, papi, we've been sleeping out here all night, you know.

00:38:37.440 No duerme.

00:38:39.580 Yo necesito más pear.

00:38:42.840 Más pears, boy.

00:38:46.420 Pears in Spanish.

00:38:47.660 What is it?

00:38:50.040 Oh, it's peras.

00:38:52.400 Ooh, nosotros necesitamos más peras.

00:38:58.820 That's a thing, boy.

00:39:00.520 A couple slices of pear, that's baby bait.

00:39:03.040 You put that stuff out in the yard, boy.

00:39:04.640 You show up.

00:39:05.140 Everything you love is in the fucking front yard.

00:39:07.960 Everybody like a pear.

00:39:09.500 And if you don't like a pear, guess what?

00:39:11.280 Knock, knock.

00:39:11.820 Who's there?

00:39:12.700 Nobody.

00:39:13.440 Because you don't have any friends.

00:39:15.880 Everybody likes pears.

00:39:18.240 So you know that.

00:39:20.520 But what was I saying, man?

00:39:21.900 What was I talking about here?

00:39:23.040 Let me get back in here.

00:39:24.000 Sorry, I'm all over the place.

00:39:25.540 Oh, the staying monogamous.

00:39:27.320 Right?

00:39:27.700 It's not the same anymore.

00:39:29.700 You know, you got, it's all being pushed to you.

00:39:31.680 It's all, there's just the advertising is too strong.

00:39:36.040 And if you don't make that choice every day, you're right.

00:39:38.680 And you know, I don't make it as much as I should.

00:39:41.640 You know, I give in to the temptations where I'm looking at this and next thing you know,

00:39:44.840 I'm leaning over to that.

00:39:46.560 You know, I had about 13 years, 13 days off that masturbation.

00:39:51.420 You know, off doing that self-skeet.

00:39:54.760 You know, playing with your own fucking meaty little high rise.

00:39:58.100 You know, I had about 13 days sober and then somebody sent me a link to look at a massage chair.

00:40:05.740 Dude, next thing you know, boy, I'm massaging my own fucking furniture shop, boy.

00:40:11.940 I'm about to, you know, I'm about to jerk an end table out of my wiener.

00:40:16.780 And it just, that's how it happens, that fast.

00:40:20.260 Because the massage chair has sexy stuff on it.

00:40:24.760 So it's just that bait is constantly there.

00:40:27.100 You got to be on guard for your brain.

00:40:30.960 You know what I'm saying?

00:40:32.360 You ever heard of a rottweiler?

00:40:34.060 You got to be a thoughtweiler.

00:40:36.460 You got to keep them thoughts.

00:40:38.620 I'm that thoughtweiler, baby.

00:40:41.060 You know what I'm saying?

00:40:41.900 If you're trying to send a thought at me, I strike first.

00:40:46.800 And I spray a couple hits of thought be gone into the air.

00:40:50.920 And I, you know, steer clear thoughts.

00:40:54.660 I'm that thoughtweiler.

00:40:56.420 Because I'm trying to stay savage.

00:40:58.220 I'm trying to stay on a track that is where I'm headed.

00:41:03.180 You know, because they got these, they got, they got this deviant, you know, these ladies running around with deviant crotch.

00:41:09.400 And they, and whether it's through pornography or, you know, outside sources, whatever.

00:41:14.600 They trying to get you to swerve this way, swerve that way.

00:41:18.140 Oh, what is that?

00:41:18.960 Oh, is that some, you know, titty in the distance?

00:41:23.020 What is it?

00:41:25.520 They're trying to get you.

00:41:27.980 You know, a thought, you know, these ladies, they'll leave a bra, they'll leave a bra in your yard.

00:41:32.320 And you don't even fucking know them.

00:41:34.520 They'd be driving down the winter just throwing bras out in yards.

00:41:38.120 You know, just braziering up, you know, front side.

00:41:42.620 But that's the way it is, man.

00:41:44.960 It's dangerous out there for men.

00:41:46.980 So if you don't get up every day and stand guard, because we're not strong enough, I don't think.

00:41:53.500 I'm not anyway.

00:41:54.740 I don't have that thing inside of me right now that is, you know, I'm susceptible.

00:42:01.420 I'm an addict.

00:42:02.600 I'll fall victim to the elements.

00:42:05.640 It's like if it's raining, I'll get wet.

00:42:07.300 If it's raining, I'm the kind of dude that's raining outside, oh, I can make it to the car without getting wet.

00:42:16.160 What the fuck?

00:42:18.340 No, you can't.

00:42:20.980 It's impossible.

00:42:22.780 Only way you can make it to the car without getting wet is if you were like a half inch wide and a half inch, you know, also wide the other way.

00:42:30.680 And you were able to run through all those raindrops like Marshall Falk.

00:42:37.000 You can't do that.

00:42:38.920 You know, not in this.

00:42:40.600 I think maybe if you're traveling at the speed of sound or something, your body like compresses and you could do that maybe.

00:42:47.240 But that's crazy.

00:42:48.860 And that's not real.

00:42:49.760 It's not even, I don't know what I'm talking about.

00:42:52.720 But you can't.

00:42:53.960 I mean, this is, we're not, I don't, for me, I don't think we, whatever we put it, they put in our head, this is war.

00:43:00.800 This is mental warfare.

00:43:03.120 And you got to have that thought wilder.

00:43:05.480 Because that thought wilder needs to be striking down, just biting biatches down.

00:43:11.020 Oh, here come a biatch that wants something.

00:43:14.260 And here come a.

00:43:18.240 Got a group of biatches at the end.

00:43:20.900 You got to have that thought wilder and have him be on the attack.

00:43:26.000 Because that, they come in for you.

00:43:30.560 And they don't want you.

00:43:32.220 They want your things.

00:43:34.020 They want your vibe.

00:43:35.540 They want your soul.

00:43:37.640 But not the good parts of your soul.

00:43:40.780 They want the nougat, you know.

00:43:42.660 They want to take all the nougat and run off with a nougat sack.

00:43:46.360 That's why you see thoughts sometimes running in the distance with a sack of nougat.

00:43:49.760 But they don't want that nut, you know.

00:43:52.760 They don't want that core.

00:43:54.980 They don't want that, that, you know, they don't want that nuclei.

00:43:59.780 So, you got to be careful, man.

00:44:03.220 Let's hear a little more.

00:44:11.740 Let's hear that part again, because this is a good part.

00:44:13.700 Onward.

00:44:13.980 Look, that's what they say.

00:44:30.740 You hang out in a barbershop, you're going to get a haircut.

00:44:34.860 You're going to get a haircut.

00:44:37.000 If you hang out in a barbershop, you're going to get a haircut.

00:44:39.760 You know when you meet somebody what's going on.

00:44:42.280 You know when you leave the restaurant, you tell your wife you left your keys inside,

00:44:48.300 you run back in, and you're flirting at the hostess stand with some girl.

00:44:53.600 You know what's going on.

00:44:57.400 You know, you know when you meet somebody, when you leave the relationship how it is,

00:45:01.060 you know what can happen.

00:45:02.740 We know.

00:45:04.920 We know we can't lie and then say, oh, it's chance, it's this, it's that.

00:45:08.460 We know.

00:45:08.920 So, you know, you know that's the possibilities and the consequences.

00:45:16.640 You know it.

00:45:18.120 So, you have to be on guard.

00:45:20.680 I think these days, monogamy, that healthy, that, you know, unless you have an understanding,

00:45:26.300 unless you, you know, you're discussing this with your spouse, I think,

00:45:30.560 I don't fucking know, man.

00:45:31.980 I'm not even married, bro.

00:45:33.120 I'm fucking scared of it.

00:45:34.380 So, what do I know?

00:45:37.240 Let's hear more.

00:45:39.000 Entices you to do so.

00:45:40.420 So, I think, bottom line is it's important to make that decision.

00:45:43.620 I'm not going to cheat on my partner.

00:45:47.080 You heard him.

00:45:48.100 That's an adult male right there.

00:45:50.280 Saying when he wakes up in the morning, he lets his thoughtweiler loose.

00:45:53.900 And he knows that that thoughtweiler guarded his grounds.

00:45:56.860 Gang.

00:45:57.340 Yeah, I'm sorry I don't have a ton to talk about today, guys.

00:46:02.560 You know, sometimes, I don't know if I feel like a responsibility to have a bunch of stuff to talk about.

00:46:11.880 But, I'm trying to think.

00:46:14.220 I think I took some notes of some fun stuff I wanted to talk about.

00:46:17.340 But, I can't find nothing.

00:46:19.860 So, maybe that's it for now.

00:46:22.300 Let's take another call here.

00:46:23.740 We did have some great calls that came in.

00:46:25.900 Here we go.

00:46:27.160 This is Jay in Denver.

00:46:29.480 I love the podcast, man.

00:46:31.100 But, I got to let you know.

00:46:32.640 I think when you start getting into issues of race, you sound a little lost sometimes.

00:46:39.600 Thank you for calling, Jay.

00:46:40.680 I appreciate it.

00:46:43.060 And, that's okay, man.

00:46:44.500 How can I share if I don't get lost?

00:46:46.120 Let's hear more.

00:46:47.160 So, specifically, I'm talking about your podcast where you brought up the Kanye stuff.

00:46:53.100 In one breath, you'll say people should never forget their history.

00:46:55.840 Because, you're not going to.

00:46:57.600 And, then you talk about your struggles as a poor white man, as someone from the South.

00:47:02.240 And, I'm from the South, too, man.

00:47:03.340 I'm from Florida.

00:47:03.940 But, at the same time, it sounds like you're trying to deny black people their history, just like Kanye was.

00:47:11.380 Just like he's trying to rewrite history.

00:47:13.320 Talking about slavery as a choice.

00:47:15.940 Just like Ben Carson did.

00:47:17.460 Talking about slavery as immigration.

00:47:19.180 It's not that he's not allowed to think.

00:47:21.580 It's not that he's not allowed to think out loud.

00:47:24.480 It's that when people talk shit, you're allowed to call them out on it.

00:47:29.000 Right.

00:47:29.600 That's true.

00:47:30.760 I mean, you're right.

00:47:31.600 I mean, but I feel like, and I appreciate you calling, Jay.

00:47:36.780 Thank you for calling, man.

00:47:37.760 And, thanks for bringing this up.

00:47:39.280 You know, I feel like, yeah, you don't want to forget your story.

00:47:42.320 You don't want to forget your struggle.

00:47:43.540 But, if at a certain point, if, you know, what's the risk in reframing it?

00:47:53.540 What's the risk in saying, oh, we're not, you know, if you always want to think of yourself as a slave and not trying to think of yourself as an immigrant?

00:48:01.420 You know, and I don't know.

00:48:04.620 I mean, you're never going to not take something out of somebody's heart or somebody's brain.

00:48:08.460 But, if you repackage it or re, you know, if you rebrand it some, does it, does it make anything easier?

00:48:19.200 I don't know.

00:48:20.920 I don't know.

00:48:23.620 You know, I'm trying to put myself, like, into a situation where it's like, you know, like, people always thought, you know, would say that I was a redneck.

00:48:32.900 And so, what I started to think of myself as is rural, because I thought that redneck was, I didn't like it.

00:48:41.080 I thought it had a connotation that, you know, left me feeling negative in some ways.

00:48:48.340 It left me feeling limited.

00:48:53.360 People would try to put me on a host of shows where it was like redneck something.

00:48:56.880 I said, no, I don't want that job.

00:48:59.220 That's not for me, because that's not me.

00:49:00.960 You know, and so, I didn't want to be those things.

00:49:05.760 And so, I tried to rebrand that for me as rural.

00:49:08.740 You know, I'm from a rural place.

00:49:10.940 You know, because more people are from those places.

00:49:13.260 And I can relate on a wider level than just a redneck.

00:49:18.300 You know, and just, there's nothing wrong with it, but that's not me.

00:49:21.940 But that's not me.

00:49:22.980 So, I try to reframe it as something for me that's more, it feels more comfortable for me to say to people.

00:49:27.760 You know, that I grew up in a rural area.

00:49:31.960 Um, and maybe that's not, maybe my comparison isn't good.

00:49:36.560 Yeah.

00:49:37.420 It might not be, man.

00:49:38.540 It's, you know, there's, I'm sure there's a lot of faults in it.

00:49:41.960 Um, but I definitely thought that Kanye's words were taken out of context.

00:49:45.700 And that he's just saying, you know, if we continue, if we continue to think of ourselves as this way, is that the best mindset to have out there?

00:49:53.580 That's what I took from it.

00:49:54.920 You know, I didn't think he was saying, let's forget that we were ever slaves.

00:49:58.080 I mean, shit, you can't ever forget that.

00:50:00.540 You know, but at a certain point, a lot of people are about moving forward.

00:50:03.840 What the fuck are we going to do?

00:50:05.760 I can't do anything if somebody was a slave 400 years ago.

00:50:08.240 I can't do anything if a slave was, uh, people were a slave a thousand years ago.

00:50:11.620 You know, I can't meet somebody from Egypt or somebody from anywhere.

00:50:16.040 Really?

00:50:16.300 Everybody's been enslaved.

00:50:17.220 I can't meet somebody and be like, sorry, bucko.

00:50:20.320 I mean, how long back do we get?

00:50:21.620 Does the buck go back?

00:50:23.860 You know, I don't know.

00:50:25.900 I'm not trying to take away anybody's heritage, take away anybody, any thoughts about it.

00:50:30.080 But let's hear more though.

00:50:31.060 I want to hear more, man.

00:50:31.620 I appreciate you calling Jay.

00:50:33.300 I think this is kind of one of those things that, uh, comedians lose me with sometimes.

00:50:38.100 You tell a bad joke, you get booed.

00:50:39.800 You say some outlandish, stupid bullshit.

00:50:42.600 You get called out on it.

00:50:45.000 Yeah.

00:50:46.280 Yeah.

00:50:46.680 I just don't think, I don't think that it's bullshit.

00:50:48.960 I mean, that's why.

00:50:50.840 And I don't listen to the media, dude.

00:50:52.320 I don't let the media determine what I feel.

00:50:55.700 You know, I would go listen to it.

00:50:57.160 I went and watched Kanye's whole, the whole video.

00:51:00.360 I mean, I thought it was a tough place to really have that conversation.

00:51:03.020 I thought the guy came back with him a real, you know, with just a, just kind of a, uh,

00:51:08.540 you know, with a pretty standard conversation right back at him, like this mainstream sort

00:51:12.860 of vibe.

00:51:14.240 Um, but I also thought that the man personalized it, the guy that was rebuttaling with him

00:51:18.840 on TMZ and that, and that the guy, uh, you know, I thought it was a, it was a good conversation.

00:51:27.400 Like people were sharing what they thought.

00:51:29.680 So, but yeah, you're right.

00:51:31.520 You know, and people do, they have the right to call him, you know, call bullshit on him.

00:51:34.600 I just didn't like the way that it was immediately, that it was bad.

00:51:38.560 Oh, immediately.

00:51:39.400 This is bad.

00:51:40.760 What if it's just his perspective?

00:51:42.620 Well, how about this article?

00:51:43.980 Kanye's perspective on this?

00:51:45.760 Boom.

00:51:46.600 And that's what's happening with Kanye.

00:51:48.800 Um, Kanye put himself in the public eye probably to sell his new album and he said some stupid

00:51:54.920 shit and black people, white people, conservatives, liberals, young, old, they're calling them

00:52:00.680 out on it.

00:52:01.260 They have every right to do.

00:52:02.520 I, I love you.

00:52:03.860 I respect you, but I do think you should push yourself, have on a black guest, talk to someone

00:52:08.580 who doesn't agree with you.

00:52:10.140 Shit.

00:52:10.400 Talk to me.

00:52:11.640 Um, Kanye doesn't speak for all black people and neither does Ben Carson, neither do I.

00:52:16.980 So get some perspectives, man.

00:52:19.000 Uh, because I love you.

00:52:20.600 I'm going to keep listening, keep supporting.

00:52:22.960 See you.

00:52:24.160 Thanks for that, Jay, man.

00:52:25.600 And thanks for the, uh, you know, being understanding.

00:52:28.220 Yeah, you're right.

00:52:28.980 Um, you know, or you're right that we should have some guests on, you know, we'll, we'll

00:52:33.920 get diverse and we'll get some more diverse guests on so we can talk about some stuff and

00:52:37.500 have some different perspectives.

00:52:38.960 Um, but at the same time, I can't not have my own perspective, you know, and I know you're

00:52:42.720 not saying to, but you're saying, well, you did say get some perspective and that is

00:52:47.720 my perspective.

00:52:48.440 You know, I just think, I think people are ready for just new ways to think.

00:52:54.600 Cause I think some of these old ways to think aren't getting us anywhere.

00:52:58.900 You know, we've had the same racial issues in America for so long.

00:53:01.880 I think some of this shit is just like, let's, you know, is there, or is there even any way

00:53:06.580 to move past it unless there's some sort of financial equality?

00:53:11.960 You know, people talk about white privilege all the time and I feel that it's green privilege.

00:53:15.820 You want to put it as green privilege, man.

00:53:21.560 That's what I feel.

00:53:22.980 It's green privilege.

00:53:24.940 You know, a lot of wealthy African-Americans become Republicans.

00:53:31.780 You know, it's green privilege.

00:53:33.760 And how do you make things equal?

00:53:35.180 I don't know how you do it.

00:53:36.980 You know, I don't have an answer, but I don't think anybody's had a fucking answer.

00:53:40.560 I don't believe any of these political parties have.

00:53:43.560 And we shouldn't expect them to.

00:53:46.820 You know, you'll know people, you'll know when you're out of line, you say something,

00:53:50.040 somebody disagrees with it, you know, or some, you know, or you'll have a conversation about it.

00:53:57.360 But I, you know, I appreciate it.

00:53:58.920 You know, like I, you're right.

00:53:59.980 I'm not black.

00:54:00.840 I don't know about what it's like.

00:54:02.860 But I, you know, it's just weird to me that Kanye, it's like, that the media immediately is like, oh, this guy's a bad guy.

00:54:15.000 You know, they'll jump on it.

00:54:16.100 It doesn't matter.

00:54:16.580 It's like, oh, yeah, this is horrible way to think.

00:54:19.500 Let him, because a lot of people don't feel like that.

00:54:23.560 A lot of people think, hey, let's, is it a horrible way to think?

00:54:28.920 Is it a way to think?

00:54:31.020 You know, but I appreciate you calling for Jay and I appreciate you, you know, being supportive if you continue to or not, man.

00:54:36.540 And you're right, we'll try to get some guests on.

00:54:38.980 I've asked a couple of guys, you know, I've asked a couple of guys and I haven't gotten any yet.

00:54:46.020 But we'll get some and we'll bring this topic up when they come in.

00:54:50.160 This would be a good thing to have.

00:54:51.360 And hopefully I'll even play this call again so we can discuss it.

00:54:54.960 Let's go to another call.

00:54:55.980 Here we go.

00:54:57.320 Hey, Theo, this is Alex from Boston.

00:54:59.780 So this past weekend, I went up to upstate New York for my sister's graduation.

00:55:05.200 And it was kind of uncomfortable because...

00:55:09.540 Upstate New York, dude, that's neck tat country.

00:55:12.560 And my buddy one time, we met some girls at a stoplight.

00:55:16.140 And I was up there at some college doing a college show.

00:55:18.960 And we met some young ladies at a stoplight, you know, a couple of stoplight beauties.

00:55:24.000 You know, a couple of yellow light shawties.

00:55:26.360 Yeah, yeah, man.

00:55:28.240 A couple of yield bunnies because that yellow light, you got to yield on that yellow.

00:55:32.740 And we both yielded.

00:55:33.980 And so we stopped at the same time right after that.

00:55:37.260 And we're at the stoplight.

00:55:38.540 We started chatting with me and a friend of mine.

00:55:40.660 So next thing you know, we end up at this house party.

00:55:42.640 We go inside.

00:55:43.820 My buddy got a beer.

00:55:46.140 And somebody at the party got upset that he got a beer.

00:55:49.620 And they beat up my friend.

00:55:51.900 And that's pretty much it, man.

00:55:54.420 And that was upstate New York.

00:55:55.220 Oh, and then we all went out to a bar that night.

00:56:01.660 And one of my friends met this young lady.

00:56:04.180 And they ended up making love that evening.

00:56:07.000 And I actually went to, I went to, got locked up.

00:56:09.420 They took me down to jail for, I was partying basically on school premises and I wasn't supposed to be.

00:56:16.400 I didn't know this house that we were partying at was on this campus where I performed a show at, blah, blah, blah.

00:56:20.820 So next thing you know, next thing you know, I got out of jail at like 6.30 or something.

00:56:29.900 And went back to the hotel room where we were all staying at.

00:56:33.520 And the girl that had made love to my buddy also ended up making love to me.

00:56:37.620 And that's, I think women just like that.

00:56:40.260 You know, they like a bad boy.

00:56:43.080 You know, this jail, they like that jail bird.

00:56:45.520 They like that, they like that jail bunny.

00:56:48.300 You know, they like that jail bunny.

00:56:50.820 Um, and, uh, and that's, that's that, man.

00:56:56.680 That's, you know, I think, and this lady had the darkest bush on her, uh, on her body.

00:57:01.720 Because some girls got that body bush, they still rocking that front bush.

00:57:05.520 And this was upstate New York and anything goes up there.

00:57:08.840 You know, you'll find a, you know, you'll have a woman who'll have a tattoo on the back of her throat up there.

00:57:12.900 You know, they'll have a woman just a huge semi-automatic weapon tattooed across, just right across her tits.

00:57:18.400 I mean, it's wild.

00:57:20.020 That's neck tat country.

00:57:21.880 You know, that's tetanus shot.

00:57:22.940 Everybody up there stepping on rusty nails and that's tetanus shot country.

00:57:26.800 And this lady, um, this lady, she, you know, she, uh, she ended up making love to me.

00:57:36.760 And she had a real dark bush, man.

00:57:38.280 I'm like, she just dyed it with cold water.

00:57:40.560 You know, like she had just dyed it with the own, you know, like the devil was making ink pens and they went out of business at the company.

00:57:46.580 And he had a bunch of extra ink and she got ahold of some of it because maybe her stepbrother broke into the factory and, and he got ahold of some and he gave some to her for Christmas because they didn't have much money.

00:57:57.180 And the next thing you know, she was dying her bush with the devil's ink.

00:58:00.880 So that's something that happened up there in upstate New York.

00:58:03.080 But let's hear more, Paul.

00:58:03.920 Sorry, I'm rambling.

00:58:05.040 Uh, I just sit with my parents and as my sister was graduating, uh, her boyfriend actually came and sat next to us.

00:58:12.020 And, uh, so my sister is 19 and her boyfriend is 39 years old.

00:58:20.700 Wow.

00:58:21.460 That 19 and 39, you know, it can happen.

00:58:24.500 My mother was, uh, 32 when I was born.

00:58:28.200 My father was 70.

00:58:29.260 So there's 38 year difference.

00:58:31.300 So I can meet a nine month old right now, you know, and not be interested in a creepy way, but, you know, be looking out for the future.

00:58:39.320 And that would be the same, you know, when that nine month old turned 32, that would be the same equivalent of my mother and father.

00:58:48.360 Um, but let's hear more right here, Paul.

00:58:50.380 So 20 year difference.

00:58:53.020 And this has been going on for a while.

00:58:56.060 And, uh, needless to say, my dad was pretty pissed.

00:58:59.540 You know, the dude was trying to make small talk with us the whole time and it just didn't go so hard, man.

00:59:04.800 So, you know, I just had to sit there and I was just like, come on, man.

00:59:08.420 Like, he's trying to ask me about how I'm doing and all this shit.

00:59:11.320 And it's just like, come on.

00:59:12.880 And, uh, I don't really know what to do about that whole situation.

00:59:16.520 Yeah.

00:59:16.900 If anyone has any suggestions on what, what I should do here or what I can do, uh, really appreciate it.

00:59:24.360 Thanks, Paul.

00:59:25.080 I appreciate it, man.

00:59:26.080 Um, you know, that's a good question, man.

00:59:29.980 If there's any listeners out there who think, well, you know, have some suggestions for Paul, what he should do.

00:59:33.860 His sister's 19.

00:59:34.840 She's dating a 39 year old.

00:59:36.380 You know, they're sitting at a sporting event and this man, this adult male is trying to chat him up, trying to get into his ears with, you know, with thoughts and ideas and questions.

00:59:47.940 Well, I'll say this, man.

00:59:49.040 The guy could have played fucking, you know, a G'd up kind of role and tried not to speak with you.

00:59:53.880 You know, the guy could have played that the guy, um, but he's trying to communicate some, I mean, he probably feel like he has to, he probably felt really out of place.

01:00:05.500 You know, it's gotta be super awkward.

01:00:08.640 And what do you do?

01:00:09.680 I think in that point, man, you fuck it.

01:00:11.320 Yeah.

01:00:11.680 I think you got to give that dude cold shoulder, man.

01:00:14.300 If there's some 39 year old dude running around with my 19 year old sister, come on.

01:00:20.580 No, sir.

01:00:22.500 Get out of there.

01:00:24.400 I just couldn't handle that.

01:00:27.180 Yeah.

01:00:27.580 I say, fuck it, man.

01:00:29.800 You know, I tell that, honestly, I tell that dude to hit the road, but then that could create issues between you and your sister.

01:00:34.520 So, but you could always tell your sister what you think.

01:00:36.960 You got to do it in a caring way though.

01:00:38.920 If you do it in a mean way, then she might just rebel and continue to date him just based on the old, you know, just based on that fuel that you're spitting that gasoline at her.

01:00:47.020 So, but that's, you know, that's something.

01:00:51.400 Because you got that man out there, he trying to get that naughty, naughty.

01:00:55.280 You know, he probably out there doing wild stuff with your sister, you know.

01:00:58.720 I'm not trying to get you to think about all that, but at the same time, he out there probably 69 and then doing all of that shit, you know.

01:01:06.360 And then they probably laying there and eating starbursts and shit because, you know, young people usually have candy around.

01:01:12.060 So, that man, he's definitely, you know, he's hanging out by the devil's doorbell, dude.

01:01:21.580 So, you know, I think you can not let him into the house.

01:01:26.120 That's for damn sure.

01:01:27.540 So, I wouldn't be rude about it, but I would go to your sister and just let her know how you feel.

01:01:31.340 And then after that, you know, you have two choices.

01:01:34.080 You could tell the dude to fucking hit the road or you can just, you know, be supportive of your sister and just be nice to the guy when you can.

01:01:40.840 Because you care about your sister and you want to care about what she cares about.

01:01:44.220 But I think that that's out of line.

01:01:46.860 Now, if it's in Hollywood, then fuck, that's okay.

01:01:50.160 In Hollywood, you can do whatever the fuck you want.

01:01:53.120 You know, you could do whatever you want in Hollywood.

01:01:57.380 So, let's hear more.

01:01:58.560 Here we go.

01:02:01.200 What's up, Theo?

01:02:01.940 VZ's your boy, Chad from Vegas.

01:02:04.700 And I'm not saying it's right in Hollywood, but I'm saying Hollywood will tell you shit's wrong,

01:02:10.100 but we'll do it.

01:02:12.180 Let's hear more.

01:02:16.640 What's up, Theo?

01:02:17.420 VZ's your boy, Chad from Vegas.

01:02:20.580 I want to throw my hat in the ring for best slash worst past weekend.

01:02:25.800 Oh, Chad.

01:02:27.640 He got the best slash worst last weekend.

01:02:30.060 So, also, each month, anytime, you can hit the hotline.

01:02:32.800 If you got a good weekend or a bad weekend, hit the hotline with it and tell us your weekend, good or bad.

01:02:37.580 And, you know, try and be around 60 seconds in time on your message or whatever, but tell us what happened.

01:02:43.080 And if it's the best one for the month, then we'll send you out of a little gift bag, a little sack of hitters from this past weekend.

01:02:49.900 Onward, let's hear more.

01:02:53.440 Let me tell you what.

01:02:54.000 I woke up with my eye fucking stuck shut.

01:02:57.540 And one eye, my left eye.

01:03:00.560 Oh, eyes stuck shut.

01:03:01.820 That sounds like a fucking movie, dude.

01:03:06.820 It sounds like a movie of like some shit that happened at a glue factory.

01:03:09.880 Let's hear more.

01:03:10.380 What happened was, first off, I had to call out of work because, well, first I thought I was going to get some Benadryl and just lose some allergies.

01:03:18.220 I sent a picture to my friend, this nice Filipino lady, and she said, no, man, you got a bacterial infection.

01:03:25.140 Oh, you got that terial.

01:03:27.280 You got that terial up in your optics.

01:03:29.160 Let's hear it.

01:03:30.360 And I was like, what?

01:03:31.480 Conjunctive itis, she said.

01:03:32.900 And I was like, fuck that.

01:03:34.600 Yeah, you got that conjunctive itis, dude.

01:03:36.960 You got that conjunctive itis, boy.

01:03:39.280 And we had actually had to do, we had a kid named Junkdivitis Dalmont when I was growing up.

01:03:45.880 This mixed kid.

01:03:47.040 And he was a beautiful kid.

01:03:49.540 And he had a fucking, bro, he had the fattest neck I'd ever seen on somebody.

01:03:56.040 Junkdivitis Dalmont.

01:03:57.340 Let's hear more.

01:03:59.020 I'm a grown man.

01:03:59.800 You can't get that shit as a fucking adult.

01:04:02.760 And, well.

01:04:03.440 Well, Junkdivitis, man, I'll be straight up.

01:04:05.120 That's from, you know, when you put a little bit of downtown in your uptown.

01:04:08.860 That's when you got your booty on your hand or something or somebody's booty on your hand and you put that booty up in your eye.

01:04:14.940 So that's, you know, you don't have to be a damn scientist and know how that shit works, bro.

01:04:19.800 That's straight up.

01:04:21.120 That's that hand-eye coordination, but also with some booty in there.

01:04:25.540 Let's hear more.

01:04:26.140 Long story short, I'm washing my hands and I remembered that I touched this lady's vagina that night before.

01:04:36.200 Oh, yeah.

01:04:37.680 Dude, that's a crazy memory.

01:04:38.880 And that's one thing I don't remember that I don't forget, like, about drinking and stuff.

01:04:42.240 That's one thing I don't miss is just that surprise memory.

01:04:44.880 It'll be two days later and you're like, damn.

01:04:47.580 I fucked Annie.

01:04:48.760 You just forget about that.

01:04:51.940 You know, anything could happen, you know, when you're out there drinking and on the dust.

01:04:55.400 Let's hear more.

01:04:56.020 And then rub my eye.

01:04:58.780 So, fuck.

01:05:00.600 Oh.

01:05:02.740 Why, bro?

01:05:05.580 Dude, that's crazy.

01:05:08.600 Why would you touch somebody's vagina and then rub your eye?

01:05:14.020 Your eye, dude.

01:05:16.320 Your eye is straight up like a vagina for sight, bro.

01:05:21.760 That's that fucking sight cooter.

01:05:24.240 And you got two of them, man.

01:05:26.020 And they're team workers.

01:05:27.900 And they provide visuals for you, bro.

01:05:30.860 That's your visginas.

01:05:33.160 And you're out there.

01:05:34.000 You touching some adult lady, you said.

01:05:37.480 That mean anywhere from 30 to 70 on the dance floor.

01:05:41.920 So, I'm guessing probably 30 to 65.

01:05:45.000 And then you straight up taking that up to your.

01:05:47.840 And you hitting yourself in the visuals.

01:05:50.840 With that straight up coo sauce, boy.

01:05:53.140 Come on.

01:05:53.740 Come on.

01:05:56.020 Yeah, man.

01:05:58.940 Let's hear more.

01:06:00.240 Fuck.

01:06:01.320 Got that, I don't know, that bacteria.

01:06:04.720 Oh, you got that tyria, bro.

01:06:06.960 And your visual area more.

01:06:09.240 That big V.

01:06:10.480 Hope it's not that big G.

01:06:11.560 Yeah, you got that Junk Dividus, man.

01:06:14.900 Junk Dividus Dalmont.

01:06:16.960 And if anybody sees him, man, please tag him in this.

01:06:20.460 So that he'll get to listen and get that shout out.

01:06:23.920 But Chad, good luck out there.

01:06:25.300 And we'll put that in for our contestant.

01:06:26.820 You can drop any thoughts you have on this episode or any episode.

01:06:30.020 9-8-5-6-6-4-9-5-0-3.

01:06:37.180 Let's hear more.

01:06:42.100 Hey, T.O.

01:06:43.200 This is Derek from San Diego.

01:06:45.420 Calling to ask you a question about masturbating.

01:06:49.260 Ask away, dude.

01:06:50.520 I only have, I'm probably a black belt in it.

01:06:53.120 Or at least a freaking, I could be a light brown belt in it.

01:06:56.460 Let's go.

01:06:57.500 Actually, I want to ask you a question about not masturbating.

01:07:01.000 The last time I tried to not masturbate, I lasted about eight days.

01:07:05.500 And then I couldn't get any work done.

01:07:07.800 Whenever I saw somebody drop something to pick it up, my mind went to that place.

01:07:13.480 And I cannot walk 10 feet without thinking about things I was going to do in my mind that were sexual.

01:07:22.020 Oh, dude.

01:07:22.760 You might be a dang rapiste, bruh.

01:07:25.640 You know, not to get real Spanish, but you might be a dang petrvert.

01:07:30.700 Because you can't think about it.

01:07:32.460 Look, man, if you're thinking about it that much, then you've got to take a vacation.

01:07:35.920 You need to go to the North Pole.

01:07:37.900 You need to go to the North Pole, if it even exists.

01:07:41.420 You know?

01:07:41.760 You know, if Eddie Bravo is your travel agent, you're not going to be able to go everywhere.

01:07:46.840 But you need to go to the North Pole and get into it out there.

01:07:51.480 Because that's the thing.

01:07:53.340 You've got to relax out there and let that North get in your nuts.

01:07:56.920 Because you're too hot.

01:07:59.140 You're too hot, man.

01:08:00.660 Somebody drop something?

01:08:02.280 Anybody?

01:08:04.120 What if it's somebody with carpal tunnel and heavy front arms?

01:08:08.460 And they drop and shit and next thing you know, you're out there trying to fuck them?

01:08:12.680 And they're just, you know, somebody that's just not strong?

01:08:16.680 Come on, man.

01:08:18.540 You're better than that.

01:08:20.420 You know, you're better than that.

01:08:21.660 You're better than that.

01:08:28.380 You can, you know, you just, you know, but you've got to relax, man.

01:08:31.600 I would take a northern tour.

01:08:32.840 Sweden.

01:08:35.360 Alaska.

01:08:36.220 North Pole.

01:08:37.740 You know, watch cold movies.

01:08:39.440 You know, what is a cold movie?

01:08:43.880 The air up there.

01:08:46.300 You know, put a book in the freezer.

01:08:49.180 Read it.

01:08:50.280 You know, do shit that's going to chill you out.

01:08:52.080 Because if you're out there trying to fuck, after eight days, you're trying to fuck strangers, dude.

01:08:56.300 That's a crime.

01:08:57.620 That's a crime.

01:08:59.280 Let's hear more.

01:08:59.900 So, I knew I had to take care of business as soon as possible, just so I could do my job.

01:09:07.340 What's the longest you've been able to go without masturbating?

01:09:11.600 And did you have any problems?

01:09:14.820 I went in about 30 days.

01:09:16.560 And my thing is, I just get triggered.

01:09:18.520 You know, kind of like you.

01:09:19.660 But I don't have that thing like I, I mean, I have that thing that I kind of want to fuck, you know.

01:09:23.140 But that's just that general malaise.

01:09:25.480 You know, that's just that general ambiance that's in my chest.

01:09:29.120 That's in my neck.

01:09:30.560 That's in my nuts.

01:09:32.100 But I don't see somebody, you know, you know, that's, you know, somebody that's, you know, dropped something on the street and want to fuck them just because they, you know, are kind of clumsy.

01:09:42.140 If anything, if I don't want to fuck clumsy people, because I want somebody that's handling my dick with care.

01:09:48.880 But, but I went 30 days and it felt good.

01:09:52.000 I started to feel alive.

01:09:53.700 My legs felt straighter.

01:09:57.340 What else?

01:09:57.980 My, you know, I was talking to family and friends more.

01:10:01.560 I could hear better.

01:10:03.620 But we are, if you, we talked about this in the beginning.

01:10:09.140 That we are at war with, with, with pornography and masturbation.

01:10:19.020 You want to know what's killing men?

01:10:20.780 It's pornography.

01:10:21.700 I'll say that to the grave.

01:10:26.280 Nobody jerked off this much as us.

01:10:30.660 I mean, back in the day, you, you, as a grandparent at 45, you were a grandparent and you were dead at 47, 48.

01:10:38.380 You know, you died beautiful.

01:10:42.120 You died a beautiful person with nice hair and nice skin.

01:10:46.300 Now we live to 100, 106 people dying.

01:10:51.400 You can't even tell if they live in.

01:10:53.380 You got to get up next to them and check, you know, and touch them or put a thermometer in them.

01:10:59.680 You can't even tell.

01:11:00.940 Back in the day, we died early because we were grandparents because, you know, you only, you know, you got married, you had to work.

01:11:09.700 You might have died of yellow fever or something.

01:11:11.540 You wasn't busting them out here like we are.

01:11:13.380 But we'll bust them for no reason.

01:11:16.840 There's no reason.

01:11:19.200 We're not sexually attracted.

01:11:20.840 We're just fucking looking at something, reacting, busting.

01:11:25.920 That's what I'm saying, man.

01:11:28.340 It's catered.

01:11:29.040 Everything's catered for you.

01:11:30.480 It's consequent.

01:11:31.300 Everything is customized right there for you.

01:11:34.720 Everything.

01:11:35.660 It's coming to get you.

01:11:37.740 You know, there's no more just, oh, this is a random thing.

01:11:41.100 No, it's coming to get you.

01:11:43.840 And it wants all the seed out of your nuts.

01:11:46.360 And it wants all the money out of your wallet.

01:11:49.660 And it wants you to think the way it wants you to think.

01:11:52.740 It doesn't want you to think outside of the box.

01:11:56.280 It doesn't want you to.

01:11:59.620 All right.

01:12:00.760 Thank you for calling, though, Derek.

01:12:02.160 I appreciate it.

01:12:03.620 Let's hear another call here.

01:12:05.200 Here we go.

01:12:07.220 Hey, what's up, T.F.?

01:12:09.580 I don't know if you can tell me about my voice or not, but

01:12:12.260 I'm definitely a broken man right now.

01:12:16.080 Oh, man, I'm sorry you're having a tough time, man.

01:12:18.780 Thanks for calling in.

01:12:20.460 You know, it's okay, dude.

01:12:21.580 We all, you know, you having a tough time today.

01:12:25.700 I'll have a tough time tomorrow.

01:12:26.960 So, thank you for taking the first shift.

01:12:29.540 Let's hear more.

01:12:31.340 For a child, the children, whatever you want to say.

01:12:35.980 My biggest fear in life is showing my parents that I'm not grateful for them.

01:12:42.240 Showing your parents you're not grateful for them.

01:12:47.060 I can empathize with that.

01:12:50.940 Onward.

01:12:51.840 Yeah, that's pretty much it.

01:12:53.740 I don't know how to show my parents I'm grateful for them without spending money that I don't fucking have.

01:13:00.300 I don't know how to show them.

01:13:01.640 It tears me up inside because my biggest fear is before they die, you know, I didn't have an opportunity to show them that I'm going to be successful.

01:13:13.240 Okay, so your biggest fear is that you're not being able to, that you won't be able to show your parents how much you care about them,

01:13:18.600 that you're grateful for them without spending money that you don't have.

01:13:22.640 And your biggest fear is that before they die, you won't be successful.

01:13:25.800 Dependent on my own and, you know, to where they don't have to worry about me.

01:13:31.760 And it just, it kills me.

01:13:34.320 It kills me.

01:13:35.640 And dependent on your own.

01:13:37.340 So obviously, you know, it sounds like, or not obviously, but I'm going to go, I'm going to assume because, you know, this is just a one-way call and I'm sorry about that.

01:13:44.780 I appreciate you leaving the voicemail and thank you for calling and, you know, and sharing one of your fears, man.

01:13:50.240 And, you know, your parents, here's what I feel like is our responsibility for our parents is to be happy.

01:14:03.080 That's what they want us to be.

01:14:05.360 They want us to be happy.

01:14:08.320 And, you know, I've had days where I've had some money and I've had days where I've had no money.

01:14:13.920 And next week I'll have both of those types of days and next month I'll have both of those types of days.

01:14:19.140 And if I can, I couldn't fathom if my parent, if my mother's affections differed pending upon which type of vibe I was riding or which reality I was living, having money or not having money.

01:14:35.940 It's always been the same, you know, because your mother just wants you to be happy.

01:14:40.500 Are you happy?

01:14:41.080 Are you okay?

01:14:41.900 How are you feeling?

01:14:43.760 How are you, not how are your finance?

01:14:45.000 I mean, you know, I guess if your parents can offer to help, then they might ask how your finances are.

01:14:50.340 But here's what I'm going to go out on a limb here.

01:14:52.000 I'm going to imagine that, you know, it sounds like you're still, you know, you're still dependent upon your parents some.

01:14:58.320 And you want them to know that you care.

01:15:01.780 You're probably, you know, it sounds like you're, you know, making some wild choices or not really sure where you are in your path in life yet.

01:15:11.540 And, and maybe there's pressure from your parents or you feel that they are pressuring you into getting your path straighter.

01:15:19.700 Or you don't want to get your path straight right now and you are, and it makes you feel good to, to put, you know, to kind of blame them a little.

01:15:30.540 You know, yeah, it feels good to say, oh, my, you know, I'm just worried my parents won't feel grateful.

01:15:38.180 You know, I'm worried that I'll never make them happy.

01:15:41.340 And you probably make them happy just by being alive.

01:15:45.280 You know, now if you, are you telling yourself, man, you know, they're not happy with me just because that gives you an edge against them.

01:15:53.340 Like that gives you an argument with them, which then lets you justify whatever behaviors you're doing that, that are keeping you from getting your shit together.

01:16:05.580 I've done that.

01:16:07.180 You know, I felt, I've, you know, I've called somebody out, you know, because it gave me something to stand on, even though they weren't really doing shit.

01:16:14.700 And that was all just to mask what, that I wasn't doing shit.

01:16:18.440 You know, that I wasn't pulling my end of the bargain.

01:16:20.440 But no matter which one of those it is or isn't, man, you know, I feel, I feel for you and I'm sorry that you don't feel good.

01:16:29.980 But you know what you can do no matter what is going on?

01:16:32.380 You can always apologize and you can always start to take the next right action.

01:16:37.320 And that right action can be small, it can be big.

01:16:41.660 You know, if you're boozing and getting fucked up every night, it might be hard to keep those things in line.

01:16:45.260 You know, and you, you can sometimes leave a trail of terror in your wake when you're out there partying and not taking care of stuff.

01:16:52.460 But I bet your only responsibility, as far as I'm concerned to you, is your parents, to your parents is to, to be happy.

01:17:00.400 Is to be happy.

01:17:01.340 If you move to fucking Guam and teach yoga, if you do service work, if you make a million, whatever.

01:17:06.980 If your parents' happiness depends upon you making money, then that's on them.

01:17:12.180 If that's the real truth, then that's on them, dude.

01:17:16.700 That's not your, that's not, then that's their problem.

01:17:21.220 You know, you can always go to like Al-Anon group or a 12-step program that could help you kind of figure out some of those feelings.

01:17:26.580 And figure out kind of if you're, you know, where you stand and all that.

01:17:31.160 And if you're blaming them too much or if you're blaming yourself or what, that can kind of help.

01:17:37.700 But if you're just blaming them, man, and just because it gives you a leg to stand on, you know, they're not, you know, they're not going to think you're grateful.

01:17:47.220 Well, do esteemable things, you know.

01:17:50.700 Esteemable people do esteemable actions.

01:17:54.140 And things can turn around quickly.

01:17:55.740 Things can always turn around quickly.

01:17:57.160 And the biggest misconception I've ever heard is that a leopard never changes its spots.

01:18:02.200 I don't believe that.

01:18:03.320 I believe that you can.

01:18:04.920 But I hope you feel better, brother, and good luck.

01:18:06.480 And you're not alone, man.

01:18:07.460 Love you, bro.

01:18:08.640 You know, keep it together.

01:18:10.380 Do something good.

01:18:11.140 Take it easy.

01:18:11.780 Chill for the evening.

01:18:12.480 Watch 101 Dalmatians.

01:18:13.800 You seen that movie?

01:18:15.340 It's about a wild lady, but she has a lot of dogs.

01:18:18.900 And so it's crazy because you know she's wild and she's dark, but you know them dogs got all just good hearts in them.

01:18:24.520 And so it's a real juxtaposition type of programming.

01:18:27.160 Oh, let's hear one more call here.

01:18:30.840 Here we go.

01:18:32.840 My name is Nicole.

01:18:34.140 I'm 34.

01:18:35.360 My boyfriend is 40.

01:18:37.800 And he's struggling really hard with alcoholism.

01:18:42.440 And I know you've struggled.

01:18:47.480 Thanks for calling, Nicole.

01:18:49.000 I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend.

01:18:50.700 Sorry to hear about that.

01:18:52.460 What's up?

01:18:53.080 I tried everything.

01:18:54.460 Nothing's working.

01:18:55.240 I think your passiveness and your non-judgmental way of going about things is maybe something, I don't know, new we could try.

01:19:09.280 Um, we've been best friends for 15 years.

01:19:13.040 And I finally gave him a chance and it's ruining it.

01:19:18.140 So, yeah, alcoholics will ruin a lot of stuff, you know, and I hate to say it.

01:19:23.000 There's nothing that you can do.

01:19:24.560 You could go to Alcoholics Anonymous.

01:19:26.320 You could go to Al-Anon, which is different than AA.

01:19:28.980 Al-Anon is a program for people that have lived with or had alcoholics affect them in their lives.

01:19:34.520 It teaches you, um, what happens to you when an alcoholic is in your life.

01:19:39.820 Because alcoholics a lot of times will affect everyone around them.

01:19:43.000 And that also is not the exact technical definition of Al-Anon.

01:19:47.000 But, uh, that's my own definition.

01:19:49.260 But, um, but I'll say this.

01:19:53.680 That's, he's not your responsibility.

01:19:56.360 You're, you're your responsibility.

01:19:57.960 And I don't know how old you are or what's going on, but I think you've got to take responsibility for yourself.

01:20:03.340 You've been friends for 15 years.

01:20:07.240 You know, he, it's, you know, he's, if he's an alcoholic, he's not going to be able to take care of himself.

01:20:11.760 And he's not going to be able to take care of you.

01:20:15.120 So, I think, you know, um, I think you need to keep a distance, maybe.

01:20:19.580 I think you should keep a distance.

01:20:21.880 You know, sometimes, you know, the good thing about being a friend of an alcoholic is that you have a chance to actually really affect them.

01:20:28.240 And you'll know what's right or not.

01:20:30.180 But you can't expect to, if you're trying to fall in love with an alcoholic or get them to shape or, shape and, you know, turn your life into a heart shape.

01:20:38.620 I just don't know if that's feasible.

01:20:40.900 You know, and I don't think that it's a safe idea.

01:20:44.040 Um, they say when you get into AA, you shouldn't even get in a relationship for the first year.

01:20:49.080 So, you know, I don't know.

01:20:51.700 I'm sorry that you're going through that, though.

01:20:53.160 But I think some of those Al-Anon meetings could super help.

01:20:55.560 They're everywhere.

01:20:56.080 And you could get into one of those and really, really, um, you know, you could really, hopefully, find some people that can help you learn and help you feel better.

01:21:03.320 I wish that I knew more.

01:21:05.480 We got a write-in right here.

01:21:06.940 This came in, uh, um, through the, this past weekend hotline.

01:21:10.520 And you can check that out at, uh, theovon.com.

01:21:13.280 Um, and there's podcasts.

01:21:14.660 You just click on the podcast.

01:21:15.480 And there's ways to submit to the podcast.

01:21:17.980 Here's what this person said.

01:21:21.160 I'm hitting the, excuse me.

01:21:24.420 I'm hitting the hotline with something from deep down in all the feelers.

01:21:27.040 Here's the deal.

01:21:28.080 I'm a 31-year-old secret.

01:21:29.780 At the time I was conceived, my gay mother was doing coke with my birth father.

01:21:33.880 She wanted a kid.

01:21:35.120 He was married with kids already, but my mother promised him that I'd be kept a secret.

01:21:39.520 31 years later, still a secret.

01:21:41.760 Would you seek these people out if you were me?

01:21:43.500 Would you let the cat out of the bag to potentially meet your real brothers and sisters?

01:21:48.000 Look forward to hearing your input, my friend.

01:21:50.140 Thanks for the laughs in that beautiful head of gender-neutral hair.

01:21:53.340 Dustin.

01:21:54.460 Thanks for checking in, Dustin.

01:21:56.100 You know, you were conceived by a gay mother and a father on cocaine.

01:22:01.120 Boy, I bet you were probably born in about eight, maybe eight weeks, huh?

01:22:05.780 31 years later, you're still a secret.

01:22:08.000 So you have very little family on your mom's side, but you have five siblings who aren't aware

01:22:11.020 of your existence due to the secret on your father's side.

01:22:14.080 What would I do?

01:22:15.260 I don't know.

01:22:16.760 You know, I don't know what I would do, man.

01:22:21.200 I think I would try to find out, would you be reaching out for them?

01:22:24.240 Are you reaching out to, you know, to have drama in your life?

01:22:28.140 Are you reaching out to spill the apple cart?

01:22:31.120 Are you reaching out because you actually want them to know?

01:22:36.800 You know, I would try to get at, what's the real reason you're doing it?

01:22:42.220 I would ask yourself the real reason.

01:22:44.860 I mean, you can always be patient.

01:22:47.480 You know, you can never ask them too soon, or you can never tell them too soon, so you

01:22:50.900 could always wait and do it, you know, when you know for sure.

01:22:54.240 One of my problems is I overreact and I'll do things really quick that I should wait and

01:22:57.580 take time to do.

01:22:59.400 So, but this is a good question.

01:23:00.580 If people have some thoughts, they can hit in for, they can hit in on this.

01:23:03.340 They can hit in, they can hit on this and drop their comments or questions to 985-664-9503.

01:23:12.260 We're going to get to one more write-in.

01:23:14.020 Also, this episode is always brought to you by The Ridge.

01:23:16.860 You can go to ridgewallet.com slash Theo and 10% off from Ridge Wallet.

01:23:23.300 And it's a beautiful front carry and I have one in my pocket right now.

01:23:25.980 Took about five days to get used to and I love it.

01:23:28.140 One more time, I'm going to tell you guys that, about cannabis, My West Coast Buds is

01:23:36.000 a new podcast.

01:23:36.840 Go check them out.

01:23:38.520 It's an inside look at cannabis, comedy, coffee, and spirits.

01:23:42.340 And the host is Joe Demio.

01:23:44.540 And we'll put a link in below for that.

01:23:48.300 What else?

01:23:49.280 Oh, we had one more text comment that came in.

01:23:54.800 Hi, Theo.

01:23:55.400 My name is Christine.

01:23:56.220 I'm 24 and I'm from Long Island, New York.

01:23:58.500 Shout out New York.

01:23:59.900 Can't even get mugged in Manhattan over there.

01:24:01.840 Too many rich people.

01:24:03.040 You got to go out to Queens to really still get fucked up, I think.

01:24:06.480 I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate and admire you for creating a space for yourself

01:24:09.940 and others to just be real.

01:24:11.720 I love your comedy.

01:24:12.740 You're also the only man I know that can make a mullet sexy.

01:24:16.740 And that's sweet of you to say.

01:24:18.800 And I don't know if this is a mullet, but I know it's something wild.

01:24:22.440 And your accent too.

01:24:23.540 I mean, God damn.

01:24:24.820 But moving onward.

01:24:26.180 Yesterday's episode of TPW really hit me in the heart in the best way possible.

01:24:30.240 Your call with Mickey was what a lot of us needed to hear.

01:24:33.240 I was all up in my feels.

01:24:34.460 Sometimes I get so caught up in the mundane routine of my everyday life that I forget to

01:24:37.900 look around me and see how blessed I truly am.

01:24:40.400 So thank you so much for being you.

01:24:42.420 I just can't wait for you to come to New York and I hope to have a conversation with you one

01:24:45.340 day.

01:24:45.940 Stay fly, bruh.

01:24:48.280 Christina.

01:24:49.700 Man, she sounds fine.

01:24:53.400 You know, Mickey's conversation did that for me too.

01:24:56.580 You know, and that's what all this does.

01:24:58.700 You know, because I'm a last minute learner.

01:25:00.700 Something is I have to learn at the last minute and I have to learn over and over again.

01:25:05.340 You know, you can remind me to be a good person right now and I can do it for 20 minutes

01:25:08.840 and then my brain fucking shifts gears or it wants to shift out.

01:25:12.740 And so I have to be constantly reminded.

01:25:16.120 So I appreciate you guys, you know, constantly reminding me to think about different things.

01:25:20.620 You know, we had some good stuff today.

01:25:22.100 Hey, Seuss, the line cook.

01:25:23.340 I'm thinking about my boy out there fucking juggling waffles and fucking, you know, maybe

01:25:29.240 got a couple of hits of shrimp in his jaw and he's grilling up grilled cheeses and fucking,

01:25:33.300 you know, just slamming it down.

01:25:36.600 You know, these programmers just fucking stuffing it right up in their iTunes holes, just fucking

01:25:41.840 putting it right in that dirty browser spot.

01:25:43.860 You know, I'm thinking about my mom, about my boy Derek, who's eight days off that bus

01:25:48.380 bus, you know, he's laying off that masturbation.

01:25:52.060 I'm thinking about Jay who called in and he's making me think now about, you know, my thoughts

01:25:56.900 on Kanye and, you know, do I, as my racial, do I have some racial perspective issues?

01:26:02.560 Do I, I mean, I know that I'd probably do so good.

01:26:06.260 So now I'm going to have to discuss when I, you know, see a black friend or have a, see

01:26:10.120 a friend that's different than me later, has a different view than me, then I'm going

01:26:13.480 to have to talk about it with them.

01:26:16.000 You know, um, we got Paul whose sister's dating that, you know, that 19 on that 39.

01:26:21.680 Look, I'd shut it down, bro.

01:26:25.360 Yeah, man.

01:26:27.200 So this is what this is all about.

01:26:28.800 And I appreciate you, Christine, for hitting us up and, uh, on that right in.

01:26:32.620 Um, what else?

01:26:34.300 I think that's pretty much it.

01:26:37.220 Uh, I just want to thank you guys for paying attention and being here with us.

01:26:40.300 I got to run.

01:26:41.000 We got this, um, you know, we have that special for Mitzi Shore tonight at the comedy store.

01:26:45.320 Um, I'm going to do the Jim and Sam podcast.

01:26:47.840 You can check me on there, Jim Norton.

01:26:50.900 And what else, man?

01:26:52.200 I'm feeling kind of antsy and stuff, but I'm trying my best.

01:26:55.720 You know, some of these episodes are fast and some of them are slow and, and, um, and I'm

01:27:02.180 just learning as I go.

01:27:04.500 You know, it's, uh, I don't know, life's crazy.

01:27:09.480 You know, life's tough.

01:27:10.660 It just keeps happening.

01:27:12.780 And it's so hard sometimes to get a hold on it.

01:27:16.020 And before I, this is one thing about me being in AA before I got an Alcoholics Anonymous

01:27:21.640 or, you know, went to those meetings and stuff.

01:27:23.660 And I don't know if I always be in, I don't know.

01:27:26.120 But I, before I got in, I was always trying to control every moment of life.

01:27:31.920 And I was just, you know, I was always trying to control everything and it was fucking just

01:27:37.440 exhausting.

01:27:37.980 And I never could control anything, you know, and I thought I was, you know, I thought the

01:27:44.180 world just, just revolved around me.

01:27:47.300 And there are moments where that still flares up.

01:27:49.380 So I got to keep tabs, you know, and I got to try and check myself here and there, you

01:27:55.760 know, because our egos can be dangerous.

01:27:57.880 And the way that I find myself out of my ego sometimes is by trying to engage with other

01:28:03.720 people, help others, find a way to be supportive, call friends, make a gratitude list.

01:28:11.780 Did I wake up?

01:28:12.540 Make 10 things that I'm gracious for, that I'm grateful for.

01:28:16.280 Anything could be from the air in your lungs to your working cup, to your working fingers,

01:28:21.280 phalanges, whatever.

01:28:22.140 It could be anything to your friend and I'll put a reason why, you know, I'm grateful for

01:28:28.160 Alan because he lent me his overalls and they kept me warm.

01:28:33.520 So then in my brain, it's like I have, I have what I'm grateful for and I have a reason why.

01:28:37.900 And that always makes me feel more connected and makes me think out of myself.

01:28:44.980 But I, you know, every day is a struggle, man.

01:28:48.040 And that's life.

01:28:49.440 We're out here to struggle.

01:28:50.680 Oh, how are you going to, you know, how are you going to hold your struggle?

01:28:57.660 That's why sometimes I see real rich people and I don't, I feel bad for them because you

01:29:02.340 don't have what I got.

01:29:05.420 They don't have maybe what you have.

01:29:07.640 They don't have that struggle.

01:29:10.500 They never had any struggle.

01:29:13.820 Maybe they struggle for the things that we feel filled with sometimes.

01:29:17.000 You know, I think it's all cyclical, man.

01:29:21.240 Somebody has the money, but they don't have any, they don't have any feelings.

01:29:24.920 Somebody has all the feelings, but they don't have the money.

01:29:27.480 Somebody's got the looks, but they don't have any heart.

01:29:30.260 Or not any, but it's all, it's an equation.

01:29:33.020 You might have eight of one and two of the other.

01:29:35.500 Or five of one and five of the other.

01:29:38.220 Nobody's got all tens.

01:29:39.300 And I try and remember that, you know, cause that helps keep me out of, uh, out of jealousy.

01:29:47.720 You know, I try and remember that I'm a work in progress.

01:29:51.460 I'll be a work in progress when I lay down in that coffin.

01:29:54.920 You know, when I fucking drop my jaw in that mahogany, I'll be a, still a work in progress.

01:30:01.180 But, but I'm grateful for you guys being here with me today and, uh, just listening to me rambling stuff.

01:30:09.880 We only got so many calls in today.

01:30:11.540 We'll try to do more in the future.

01:30:12.680 I know, you know, it was what it was and it is what it is.

01:30:15.880 And if it's on, it's on.

01:30:18.660 But I'm, I'm just grateful you guys are here with me today.

01:30:20.900 I'm trying to get some exciting guests.

01:30:23.220 Trying to get a lady in.

01:30:24.680 Trying to get, you know, a Guatemalan.

01:30:27.840 You know, trying to get everybody.

01:30:29.240 So we're going to try to do everything as, you know, it's a work in progress.

01:30:35.220 But I appreciate you guys being here.

01:30:36.760 I appreciate the support on Patreon.

01:30:39.040 I'll be putting some out for you guys this week.

01:30:41.700 Um, and just everywhere, you know, just everywhere.

01:30:46.020 Got some neat stuff popping.

01:30:47.220 You guys be good to yourselves.

01:30:48.760 Uh, you know, just cause, I mean, you probably deserve it.

01:30:54.440 You know, that's what I'm thinking.

01:30:55.720 I mean, what do I know?

01:30:59.240 You guys be great.

01:31:06.780 You guys be in a house.

01:31:17.860 I mean, how do I know?

01:31:18.780 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite

01:31:47.640 and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current

01:31:52.200 events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you.

01:31:58.460 Sometimes I'll interview my friends, sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the

01:32:03.900 voices in my head. You have three new voice messages. A lot of people are talking about

01:32:10.140 Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else. So great.

01:32:15.980 Hey, sweetheart, here's a deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

01:32:23.620 Do you know what I mean?

01:32:25.580 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:32:28.720 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:32:30.800 Oh, no!

01:32:32.300 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:32:35.360 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club. Second rule of Kite Club is,

01:32:41.660 tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts,

01:32:47.540 or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 14, 2018

Junctivitis Dalmont ｜ This Past Weekend #95

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