No Dirty Carrots ｜ This Past Weekend
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 18 minutes
Words per Minute
166.50266
Summary
In this episode of the March Hares Podcast, I talk about how important it is to have a plan for the new year, and how to stay focused on the goals you have in front of you. I also talk a little bit about a recent car accident that I had and how I dealt with it.
Transcript
00:00:07.940
You see that orange dangler, bro? You see that carrot, huh?
00:00:30.000
Celebrate living, celebrate misery You know that soon we're gonna die
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Let's have some fun while we all die Celebrate dark days, celebrate all your pain
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All of your demons exercised Let's have some fun while we all die
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That is music by the band, or the man actually, Spencer Jacob Grau, G-R-A-U.
00:01:30.240
And he's a man, and he has that song called Celebrate.
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And I'm happy to be here with you guys today. It is March.
00:02:06.820
Like, every day I wake up, there's some carrot.
00:02:12.940
Veg-a-sickle just kind of hanging in the distance from me.
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Whatever it is, it could be, you know, a financial gain.
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But there's always something out in front of me that I'm moving towards.
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I think, anyway, I'm just trying to think what, you know, it's, yeah,
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there's always something out in front of me that I'm moving towards.
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There's always a carrot that gets you, that is out in front of you.
00:03:05.600
And sometimes they're ones that, you know, you put out there.
00:03:09.520
Sometimes they're ones that, that, that the, you know, I guess ambitions.
00:03:17.700
I wonder what the difference between a goal and an ambition.
00:03:22.640
A goal, I think an ambition, like, drives a goal.
00:03:26.920
You know, because if you have a goal, if you want to get something,
00:03:30.860
you know, say if they have something and it's somewhere
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And ambition, that's the gasoline that you put in your tank or that's in your tank
00:03:45.520
that gets you over to that something, that gets you there.
00:03:49.240
So ambition, I think, is, is basically a goals, is your gasoline that gets you to a goal.
00:04:01.380
But yeah, there's always a carrot that kind of gets me going.
00:04:05.200
And I just trying to, right now, just make sure that my carrots are out of a good garden.
00:04:12.620
Because, you know, I just noticed, like, you know, recently that I, not much changes, like, inside of me,
00:04:21.960
even though some things will change or for me will be changing on the outside of me.
00:04:25.580
You know, I don't know if I feel like, that the inside, like, that they heal
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or that they do anything to the inside of me, really, you know?
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Like, I mean, just recently in my life, you know, I've had the opportunity to start making more money
00:04:44.460
You know, or, and so that's, you know, and at first, you know, that, you know, it's exciting just,
00:04:53.760
and then it's, you're still just kind of like, well, what, but what's going on with me?
00:05:00.440
You know, you still are just kind of with yourself.
00:05:04.180
Or you might think, I guess other things in my past have been like, oh, I want to get a car.
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But then once you get in the car and you're driving, you're in the car.
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So, it's just like, you know, if things change or more people, like I noticed, get excited,
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like, especially the past couple weeks, I've just noticed more, like, I got into an Uber the other day
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and the driver, and this guy was from another, look, I've been in a lot of other countries.
00:05:43.160
This guy, I think, was from, like, another planet.
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Boy, this dude was from, you know, Mars Gannis, Standinavia.
00:05:51.780
You know, this guy was from another, I don't know, he might have been, you know, he might have caught a,
00:05:58.320
you know, he might have had a hit of that freaking sandtism or something.
00:06:04.860
Like, he might have been raised in a sandcastle, you know, drinking olive juice.
00:06:09.460
He had a real, you know, I don't, you know, he might have, you know, went to summer camp on the rings of Saturn.
00:06:16.960
This boy, I don't know what he was doing, but he's like, oh, I recognized you from Hot Ones.
00:06:26.840
And Hot Ones is a chicken, you know, it's like a poultry kind of passion project of a company.
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And I went in there last week and ate chicken wings with them.
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And you go in there and eat the wings, and then, and it's hot.
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And I'm going to put up a behind-the-scenes video today of how my mouth got kind of burnt out around the edges.
00:06:48.320
You know, it looked like I'd been trying to, you know, fucking French kiss a candle.
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I was pretty, you know, I was kind of very, I had a lot of different colors around my mouth.
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I was starting to really Roy G. Biv around the lips, you know.
00:07:02.360
But anyway, I got into this Uber, and the man recognized me from there and knew me from there.
00:07:09.040
And it was, and I just would never have expected it.
00:07:12.200
It wasn't, and I was just like, oh, wow, you know, that's, you know, it's, it's exciting.
00:07:18.540
You know, it's, let me think about what this is.
00:07:23.480
I'm trying to, like, I'm not trying to brag, like, oh, somebody recognized me from my comedy or from something, someplace they saw me.
00:07:31.760
I'm trying to think about, you know, there are times when I would think, like, oh, being popular or being,
00:07:39.040
having people acknowledge you, that that would, you know, that would cure things or that would make things different for me or different.
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But that's a carrot that's out there, I notice.
00:08:01.980
And I don't even think celebrity seems, someone that's a celebrity, that shit seems scary to me.
00:08:07.100
Because that kind of stuff is, you're like, it seems like you're controlled by bigger things, you know, like advertisers and, and you have to answer to different larger groups that are in control of you or in control of more of your time and things you can say.
00:08:26.740
But popularity, that's something that I was like, well, that's like a carrot that's kind of been out there in my life that, you know, if people knew me, then I would feel, maybe I wouldn't feel some of the ways when I feel uncomfortable or maybe it would be a solution or maybe it would, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
00:08:49.680
I mean, I do, but I don't, but this is just something that was, I was really thinking about once this may, it was just a man that I was like, oh, you know, I never expected that that man would say that.
00:09:01.700
And he said the hot ones, you know, and I guess something people on the internet like to watch people eat.
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There's a couple of dark, I went down some dark holes the other night.
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You could watch, you know, I mean, and look, I'll admit it.
00:09:16.520
But, you know, I like watching, you know, when I was growing up, I had a couple of, you know, urban friends, a couple of African-American buddies.
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And if you haven't seen them really get into some good animal meat or some good rib meat, then you don't, you know, you haven't really seen that much.
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It's like watching a Dyson, it's like watching a Dyson fucking, you know, dissect a, it's like watching, I don't know what it is.
00:09:54.420
If you got a black buddy and you put him on a set of ribs, son, it's fucking game over, dog.
00:10:00.160
So, I mean, this guy's coming in and he, they just, they got more of a, it's like my black friends, it seemed like they had like fingers, like hands in their lips.
00:10:15.400
Like, damn, bro, I started, sometimes I would feel bad for the cow or the pig.
00:10:24.200
Now, that animal's feeling that in the afterlife, you know, because you just, I mean, this guy, I mean, I had a black, but he could moonwalk his, his, his face kind of down the rib.
00:10:38.100
You know, when they, you know, and I'm not saying white guys can't do it.
00:10:43.040
I'm not making, this isn't a racial thing, but some people are better at some things, maybe, or some people, that's just my experience, you know?
00:10:54.200
Like, I've seen they got that dude Yabayashi, the fucking hot dog monster.
00:10:59.660
And if you haven't seen this dude, man, usually 4th of July, people out there, you know, you're out there, little Randall's out there fucking lying to people and selling, you know, fake grams of coke and shit out there by the parade route.
00:11:13.700
And you got little Daniel's out there with his fireworks and some of them he made himself, you know?
00:11:18.960
And some of them, dude, you fucking light them and nothing happens, boy.
00:11:22.640
And then it just kind of, and then like a kidnapped person will pop out of one of them and you're like, damn, what the fuck, Daniel?
00:11:31.280
But everybody has their own 4th of July thing and that guy Yabayashi is a, I don't know, man.
00:11:39.400
It looked like he used to do karate and one day he just kicked a whole bunch of fucking wet hot dogs into his mouth.
00:11:44.040
And he's the champ and he's the number one champion, bro.
00:11:49.740
I mean, this is, this is, this dude is the Asian Abraham Lincoln of fucking, you know, questionable meats.
00:11:57.200
This, this dude, he, he, he, he, one time he had like, what is it?
00:12:08.260
One time, Yabayashi had 40 or 79 freaking wet hot dogs.
00:12:13.900
And that's, but that's what he does on the 4th of July.
00:12:22.620
But, you know, different people do different things.
00:12:24.400
Anyway, I'm just saying that that guy can do hot dogs.
00:12:29.100
And if you have, uh, and if you ever had any black friends growing up, maybe you did, maybe you didn't.
00:12:35.780
Now, some, some black guys aren't good at eating stuff.
00:12:39.040
You know, sometimes you need a real, I mean, if you've ever seen a, um, you know, I saw a little Asian girl eat a piece of cake one time, huge piece.
00:12:49.300
And she, I mean, dude, that shit looked like it fucking, we're going to take her, you know, two and a half weeks.
00:12:56.220
I mean, I was like, damn, I can't even, I watched for maybe about 30 minutes, you know, but I can't watch it.
00:13:02.980
It was cool, but I wasn't going to watch forever.
00:13:11.300
I think I went down my own worm, my own wormhole inside of my head.
00:13:27.460
I have the experience of seeing some people eat things better than others.
00:13:31.220
I was talking about, um, was I eating something?
00:13:44.340
But anyway, what I was originally trying to talk about or what I was thinking about was,
00:13:48.560
oh, there's these different, oh, that guy, when I got in,
00:13:52.700
man, I never thought that this guy in the Uber, the driver was going to be like, oh, I've seen this boy eat some poultry on the internet.
00:14:00.060
You know, I've seen this boy fucking lipping down a couple of fucking pheasant wings on the web.
00:14:09.640
Um, so then, yeah, like it just, like, oh, I was thinking about popularity.
00:14:15.380
And, yeah, I guess always in my life I thought that, or maybe there was this thing that, yeah, if you were popular, if people liked you, maybe.
00:14:27.500
I'm trying to think when I was young, you know, because I like to make people laugh.
00:14:34.080
Like, what did I think that, that pot, like, I guess I don't know if I ever was, had a, I wanted to be liked, I guess.
00:14:46.960
I'm trying to think of what I, if when I was young, if I had, if I had aims to be popular or if I wanted to be liked.
00:14:54.960
But, like, what, and sorry to be thinking about all this, man, but this has just been what's on my mind.
00:15:03.920
You know, this is what I'm, this is what's on my mind.
00:15:07.000
And this is honestly the first moment I've had in four days to think about, you know, things.
00:15:16.360
And, you know, we went to, did a wonderful weekend in San Jose.
00:15:20.360
Um, this dude, Leonel, brought out a prairie dog.
00:15:23.400
Oh, and God dang, bro, I forgot how beautiful they are.
00:15:31.640
And he brought out that fucking little PDZ, son.
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You know, that little, I ain't talking police department, boy.
00:15:46.540
Which, if you're owning bootleg prairie dogs, that's the right answer.
00:15:53.520
You know, I don't think he had any documentation.
00:16:03.340
And, uh, and thank you, Leonel, for coming out with that.
00:16:10.360
And that's, and that kind of sums up San Jose in some ways, man.
00:16:15.300
You know, you don't know what the fuck somebody's doing.
00:16:17.240
They hand you a, you know, they put that prairie dog on your shoulder and him fucking hit you with that mixtape.
00:16:26.760
I mean, this is the most diverse place I've ever seen.
00:16:29.540
You know, you couldn't, uh, I mean, you couldn't even be racist if you wanted to.
00:16:34.380
Because you couldn't figure out who to hate, man.
00:16:37.880
I mean, you'd have to have somebody spotting you a lot of racial knowledge to really be hateful.
00:16:49.160
And I felt, uh, a lot of love, man, and a lot of support, uh, from all types of people, man.
00:16:55.720
All ethnicities and, and a lot of beautiful Latinos came out with their, uh, their spouses.
00:17:03.700
Um, we had some mothers and sons that came out.
00:17:14.280
But, dude, one of y'all is really living and one of y'all is milling around, you know?
00:17:20.920
Because one of y'all ain't really supposed to be here, buddy.
00:17:25.740
You know, sometimes science kind of, you know, the gear slips when science is shifting.
00:17:37.680
And, you know, sometimes it's like when you go to McDonald's and you order a cheeseburger
00:17:43.020
and you open the bag at home and they got a fucking cheeseburger and a stray little nugget in there.
00:17:58.100
so i wanted to have him fight or arm wrestle or do a couple of questionnaires or something
00:18:05.260
and see who's really supposed to be that boss out of twins because twins you know is
00:18:11.540
and it's crazy like one of them always has half of the stuff and one of them have the other half
00:18:18.000
of the stuff that you need so you got to get a little information over here and a little
00:18:23.120
information over here just to figure out what the fuck they've been doing either one of them you
00:18:29.620
know it's almost like you got to be a detective to even be friends with twins because you got to be
00:18:34.800
like okay and will you tell me this and will you tell me that and the rest of it so but they were
00:18:41.060
nice guys but a lot of met some tongans and dude i thought tongans honestly man when i was really
00:18:48.260
young i thought tongans were silverware big silverware sometime you would go to a special
00:18:54.520
deal and they would have um somebody put them big tongan uh in the salad bowl you'd be like damn
00:19:02.160
these people fucking rich bro you know i'm about to sneak off to the on the way to the bathroom i'm
00:19:08.080
gonna steal a damn candelabra did i remember being at some rich people's house when i was young and i
00:19:14.000
would steal they had potpourri a little stack of potpourri and it basically potpourri is like um
00:19:19.620
it's almost like the queen of england just gave you a little you know a couple half ounces of a
00:19:24.880
couple ounces of her garden or raked up a pile of leaves and it's like queen elizabeth raked up some
00:19:32.520
leaves in her garden and then you know sent you a couple grams of it and rich people will set it on
00:19:39.000
the top of the toilet to show you that they got that you know they got that flossy uh you know
00:19:47.300
post-life foliage and so i go in there first time i fucking fill my pockets with that shit boy
00:19:54.220
go home and just rub both of my pockets as much as i could and then all this rosary like rosy type
00:20:01.200
of smell would just just permeate my room and just really you know just made me feel
00:20:08.540
like i was back at like those rich people's houses sometimes you know and uh yeah i used to do weird
00:20:16.640
shit like that i guess to just have a different experience you know but but anyway yeah thank you
00:20:23.920
for everybody that came out man just a lot of real love i mean so many loving people and i know this
00:20:29.620
sounds crazy but just good people good people and i'm happy to be part of such a group a lot of this
00:20:36.700
past weekend listeners and uh you know and i don't want you to feel i guess i don't want you to feel
00:20:44.420
like when you see me that i think um any different than you or that i think that i'm any better than you
00:20:51.660
just because you know at the shows i'm the person that's on stage but i do feel like a representative
00:20:57.900
of our group and um i don't know what that i don't know what some of that means um
00:21:08.920
but i'm just grateful to uh to be a part of it and man it's just i i just because i can't tell you
00:21:18.880
i've been involved in different things in my life where you i don't have where i've just never gotten
00:21:24.660
to meet so many neat people at once and somebody got some prairie dogs so you know that's fucking
00:21:29.900
rare because dude let me tell you that there ain't no animals living on the streets of sanos i didn't
00:21:36.600
even see a bird all weekend i mean they got people fucking lassoing fucking crows right i mean you'll
00:21:43.120
see a dude with a fishing line with a worm on it and he'll cast that bitch up into the sky
00:21:47.120
and catch a fucking dirty little you know catch a dirty little dove i mean people
00:21:54.340
you know it's that it's a it's got that little bit of vietnam going on where people you know you eat
00:21:59.980
things things ain't just milling around that's like in south africa you like in america you have
00:22:06.600
caterpillars on the sidewalk dog that and and you go to uh cape town you go to johannesburg
00:22:13.360
that's a damn fucking little side item walking by you go to uh um you know uh you go to some of
00:22:23.020
the villages there and they will have a whole bowl of caterpillar and they cooked them out crickets
00:22:28.140
i've been there i'm not joking about this but that's see we're in america we'll let a fucking
00:22:33.480
side item we'll let an appetizer live on the streets but in san jose boy you'll see somebody fucking
00:22:40.580
you know you know uh hook a fucking maybe a little gram of coke and a mac nugget onto a fishing hook
00:22:48.920
and then just cast that bitch down an alley and catch them a fucking little you know a little
00:22:55.220
homeless person or something or catch them a little fucking vagrant so it's a different it's a unique
00:23:03.000
place but a lot of wonderful people and and thank you guys for coming out uh but what i guess what i'm
00:23:09.720
trying to think about a little bit i just want to think about this for a few more minutes then we'll
00:23:12.760
get into some calls and um because i'm just trying to think like when i was young just because i guess
00:23:20.220
you know it's just a little scary this past week was a little you know you just get more popular
00:23:25.640
and it's exciting you know it's or that's what it felt like to me and some of this could be just
00:23:31.220
my feelings it could be misinterpretation of things um uh but it was you know and it's exciting i'm
00:23:39.980
grateful that people come out because i love to perform uh stand-up comedy and i hope that
00:23:45.280
you know i always have uh stories and and funny things to make people laugh it's fun when you're in
00:23:51.340
a big room and everybody's laughing you know it makes me i think it's probably what i always wanted
00:23:57.340
you know it's probably the thing that made me the most happy when i was young and in middle school
00:24:01.540
over there at cj shane middle and over there uh at um at william pitcher jr hired off jefferson avenue
00:24:10.100
they that was the funnest thing making people laugh sitting at the lunch table drinking milk out of a bag
00:24:17.620
that's back when they had and they used to have the big bag and you could all put a straw in it
00:24:23.600
but and then they would get you a little bag you'd have your own little bag but um but it was fun
00:24:30.580
and and when kids you can make a kid laugh and milk will shoot out of his nose out of his orifices bro
00:24:35.580
and that shit it's now it's like perverted now it's something like some of these rich men are doing
00:24:41.760
out here in the hollywood hills and shit and doing it on the dl but when i was young it was just something
00:24:46.420
we would do for fun make each other laugh so hard that milk would you know just find its way out of
00:24:51.220
our bodies really fast and uh what else man i'm talking about but i guess i'm just thinking about
00:24:59.560
what you know i i just i love the experience that i've been having um getting them entertain people
00:25:10.480
and uh i just don't want you when you come to my shows i don't want you to think
00:25:14.960
just don't you could think whatever you want you know um i guess it's just it i'm not telling
00:25:28.800
anybody what to do i just i'm grateful for people coming out that's what i'm trying to say and and
00:25:33.460
it's been exciting and uh and being get it you know being just when that man
00:25:39.000
recognized me or no you know acknowledged me it it just surprised me and then i was like okay this
00:25:48.580
is starting to feel a little bit different you know this is uh you know this is a i just never
00:25:53.860
thought this person would know who i am and um and not that it matters it doesn't mean anything
00:25:59.460
but it just yeah you know it just i don't know it just made me think about like what's the value maybe
00:26:10.560
in in popularity you know what's the value in it does it because i guess what i'm starting to say
00:26:17.420
is that for me i feel like it hasn't it doesn't make me feel any different
00:26:22.280
you know i still and i don't want it to that's what i'm saying you know the ego just seems so
00:26:31.420
dangerous and it just seems dangerous and it seems so self-serving and it's like you know you just see
00:26:39.240
so much greed out there you know even you open the newspaper you see greed you know you see these you
00:26:45.860
know to me it seems like news networks are demanding what the government should do and and it's just because
00:26:51.280
of money people are just being greedy and you know you just see people say you know i just want to be
00:26:59.020
aware of what my carrots are i guess you know i just want to be aware of what my carrots are what is
00:27:07.060
driving me over here what is making me and i just want them to come out of a good garden you know and
00:27:16.640
and and that's that's i guess what i'm thinking about sorry to go on that long tangent but i just
00:27:27.040
want to know what my i want to be conscious of what my carrots are because a lot of times in our life
00:27:33.940
we can be or a lot of times in my life i've been led towards carrots that i didn't even know
00:27:39.960
what they were made out of or who put them there what was going on you know and uh and those
00:27:48.800
carrots can be anything they can be money they could be um fame they could be um you know it could
00:27:57.200
be power and i just we just need to be or i need to be conscious of what the carrots are in my in my
00:28:03.900
world um and that i don't get you know just that i don't be chasing no dirty carrots you know i don't
00:28:13.760
want no dirty carrots dude i don't want no baby carrots you feel me i ain't trying to do anything like
00:28:18.400
that like some of these rich people in the hollywood hills they'll be ordering you know baby carrots
00:28:24.180
you're like damn how many are you gonna have today buddy seem like you've had a few too many if
00:28:31.640
you're not a real baby but i just want to be conscious of my carrots man but i i felt like i
00:28:37.840
was in a beautiful garden this weekend um over there it was cool man you know i didn't know the
00:28:43.720
world was i mean i know the world is diverse but damn bro san jose's got a lock on it dude they had
00:28:50.620
700 different tents of skin over there they had people with mustaches one dude had a mustache above
00:28:56.860
each eye i was like oh i like your eyebrows he's like those are mustaches papa like
00:29:01.460
damn okay boy i like them fucking little uh i like those little eye toppers you got daddy
00:29:09.320
those little fucking uh those little sight burns i like those little sight burns and yeah i said that
00:29:17.240
joke twice because i wanted you to get it um thank you guys for being here and welcome to this past
00:29:23.440
weekend uh i'm going to phoenix this weekend and um and you know i appreciate you guys letting me
00:29:31.060
ramble on this podcast and and just talk about my feelings because sometimes i don't know what they
00:29:34.780
are and sometimes i don't know what's going on with me and um and i was listening to an old episode
00:29:41.380
the other day because i just want to know uh i don't know i just want to kind of hear you know
00:29:47.560
take a look at moments from the past and see moments now and see just so i can be aware you
00:29:53.620
know i want to be aware of what's going on i don't want to aimlessly just live in this world
00:29:59.420
and i don't want to you know i just want to do my best and i know i am i'm not trying to put extra
00:30:05.220
pressure on myself but i am trying to be aware of my carrots you know that's what i'm trying to do
00:30:09.660
right now for me um what else i gotta tell you this that this episode is brought to you by gray
00:30:19.380
block pizza gray block pizza in los angeles and we have a lot of listeners that stop by there and
00:30:24.980
send me uh jpegs and images and stuff like that and that's beautiful and gray block pizza is a great
00:30:30.300
place to get pizza and it's called gray block in los angeles i also want you to know this episode
00:30:36.280
is brought to you by hair club and when i was young that my mom had the club remember the club dude
00:30:42.440
the club the club was this thing you put on a car and you put that you lie it you had to like
00:30:51.180
click it a couple certain ways and just lock it and uh
00:30:55.260
dude my mom was so crazy about things getting stolen all the time she didn't want
00:31:03.600
and the car was a piece of shit man you know mom had this ford festiva for a little while and she
00:31:10.340
had a volkswagen rabbit and it was our car man it was real real small like the interior of the car was
00:31:17.000
probably you know probably uh maybe five by four maybe 20 square feet inside so five feet by four
00:31:25.600
feet and it sat five people boy so it was it was like being stuck in a really small elevator but you
00:31:32.740
guys were going somewhere forward you know and there was a window on the front and mom could the
00:31:37.600
good thing about a small car mom could beat everybody's ass from that driver's seat you know
00:31:45.180
because mom had four children i was one of the children and you know she went from oldest to
00:31:49.720
youngest you know and it was almost like playing the cymbals when mom would start whooping everybody's
00:31:54.160
ass in the car because different children have different densities in them and that's called body
00:32:00.100
density and so she'd hit my brother and he'd be like bam and then me would be like bang and then
00:32:05.640
my sister would be like bang because it was younger and then the little baby she'd be like
00:32:16.640
my brother wouldn't shut up and it hit him and then i'd start popping off she'd be like
00:32:22.880
and my sister was pretty good and so sometimes she would just tap her
00:32:28.280
but it was a uh you know that's when mom would just start whoo and she'd start just hitting the
00:32:35.160
fucking drums dude like larry kravitz you know like damn def leopard guy died just like that fucking
00:32:40.100
you know she would go hard but anyway what was i even talking about i don't know what i'm talking
00:32:46.000
about today oh but she had the club on that car mom dude they had wiring hanging out of that thing
00:32:51.580
one side of the car you could see the one there was a little bit of floorboard missing
00:32:55.640
somebody's stolen a piece of the floorboard welder had cut it out and put it in their car
00:33:00.820
used it for something they needed it for that was more important than what we needed it for
00:33:05.040
so you had to in the front you had to be careful you had to put your feet off to the sides a little
00:33:09.380
because part of that floorboard somebody had borrowed it but what i'm talking about is
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hair club and your confidence is important sometimes one change can make all the difference
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and get the most out of your hair i have uh you know a lot of our listeners know i had a hair
00:34:05.720
transplants i had like 50 hairs taken out of the back and put in those little you know those little
00:34:12.540
slithering spaces up there them little you know those dracula points um a couple years ago or a year
00:34:19.540
year ago now two years ago and it was a for me it was a good experience you know uh and so anyway i've
00:34:27.800
had some experience with you know dealing with my hair and and just wanting to keep hair you know
00:34:33.740
wanting to keep hair on my head because i used to farm and you know a man is often um you know a man
00:34:42.300
can sometimes you know we'll just if you've ever farmed you want to fucking have a little crop
00:34:46.520
you want to be you know have that croptopolis brun so that's what i had but you can go to
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hairclub.com slash theo today for a free hair analysis and a free take-home hair kit all valued
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00:35:15.460
love the club and uh yeah mom used to put that club on that car and we would all laugh man because
00:35:21.480
the car was a piece of shit dude we owned the car and we would always hope people would steal it
00:35:26.660
you know we'd rather walk in an organized group with mom walking and then one of us walking right
00:35:32.780
next to her and then three of us walking in the back right behind her we'd all we'd rather walk
00:35:37.680
in formation than be in that car because you know if we was going somewhere long enough
00:35:43.240
over probably a mile and a half mom was about to play the damn drums boy everybody's gonna get their
00:35:51.200
ass beat and i don't knock my mother for that you know when a when a mother is a single mother they
00:35:57.660
have to be a father too they have to be a disciplinarian and uh that's another thing i was
00:36:03.820
thinking about this weekend you know it's interesting a lot of my generation our mother
00:36:07.520
had to also be a disciplinarian and i just wonder the effects of when you have to when you i don't
00:36:15.640
know if a young man is supposed to or young i can't speak for a young woman i don't know i can't speak
00:36:20.200
for anybody i don't know if i i don't know how i don't know how i don't know if a mother is supposed
00:36:30.080
to have to be that you know somewhat yes but i don't know and maybe that's just been historically
00:36:38.660
maybe in the future that will change as our dna gets different ideas stuck into it and moving forward
00:36:43.760
but but i don't know how a young man takes that if the mother also has to be the disciplinarian
00:36:51.020
because then sometimes you might not go to your disciplinarian to get the love you need
00:36:55.340
and so then if you if you see your mother as a disciplinarian then when you need a hug maybe
00:37:02.920
you know you don't get that you don't go get the hug because you don't want to go hug somebody that
00:37:09.700
was also having to be a disciplinarian to you out of some type of a spite maybe
00:37:13.780
you know like say a dude rocked you out at the schoolyard a little you know popped you off say
00:37:20.280
somebody fucking hit you with a broomstick you know or fucking you know put a couple pieces of ice in
00:37:25.220
your mouth and then just made you know just punched you in the face until you was just serving just
00:37:30.080
shaved ice right out of your own face bro welcome to oahu but later in the day you're gonna go hug that
00:37:38.340
guy when you need some emotional support when you need a tender moment are you gonna do that
00:37:44.860
you know so i think that's some of the things when i'm just starting to think i've been thinking about
00:37:49.300
like what happens when you know when children have to be raised by single parents and how they interact
00:37:58.080
with one another and you know i don't have the knowledge about it so i'm not able to sometimes
00:38:02.520
come from a place of knowledge and so if you think that i know what i'm talking about
00:38:08.040
then don't think that because that's not what i'm trying to say i'm just trying to
00:38:13.460
talk about whatever i'm you know so my experience but um anyway i also want to let you know that
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skillshare.com slash theo vaughn might be a nice gift if you have you know some a child or a sibling
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that's that's always on their device get that uh get them that educational hitter because if they're
00:39:39.020
already on there if they're on a tablet or something they might not mind learning while they are
00:39:42.680
but they might you know um but yeah i guess i just you know a lot of intro not introspection i'm just
00:39:52.400
a lot of thinking this week you know because uh you know it just i i just this is the first weekend
00:40:00.540
where i started to notice like man like people are it just felt like more popularity and so i just
00:40:07.220
wanted to um and you know and it's great look i love meeting people i love meeting like-minded people
00:40:14.320
i feel like a lot of the people that come to the you know to the comedy shows like we're kind of
00:40:18.500
like-minded you know even when we're talking during in line and i tried to meet everybody i could some
00:40:23.900
of the early shows i couldn't but the late shows i tried to meet every single person um and you know
00:40:31.280
even just sometimes the short conversations or just the look in our eyes to each other and that you
00:40:35.820
know it felt like we were like-minded um and so i'm just happy to be able to meet people that it
00:40:42.100
would seem like i would meet anyway uh you know we just meet up at a comedy show um what else don't
00:40:53.500
want to talk about man my mind's a little all over the place oh i got a lot of uh people that reached
00:40:59.300
out you know i was i stopped into this uh the fighter and the kid the other day and had a you know and i
00:41:05.080
had a nice chat in there with brian callens and he is if you're not familiar with him he was i don't
00:41:12.600
think he was in the old testament but he was in the new testament and he was a jedi or something i
00:41:18.280
don't know what he was but he he's seen many many moons you know native americans know him there's
00:41:27.880
drawing of hymns on there's drawings of him on hymns probably the those you know those wiener
00:41:35.860
peels boy does giraffe makers uh there's drawings of him on on cave walls and these aren't rumors these
00:41:42.600
are real things if you put your ear up to a seashell that you find on a mountain you can hear it ask for
00:41:51.520
brian callen you know there's a lot of crazy things like um apparently one time a huge wave came
00:41:59.480
and and at the same time a rainbow was shooting through the sky and the wave was like a hundred
00:42:06.120
feet high and at the same moment an eagle flew right in and there was like a triumvirate of water
00:42:12.360
and and and rainbow and and egality and that they say is when brian callen became
00:42:22.640
so he's a very fascinating man but i stopped in there and we had like kind of a we had kind of a
00:42:30.040
you know an emo not emotional conversation we had a kind of a you know a real conversation i was just
00:42:34.500
thinking about stuff and they were super helpful and you know and brendan you know because i get
00:42:42.120
you know i don't get i guess i get caught in my feelings a little bit but i like it you know
00:42:47.000
sometimes i like to know what's going on with my feelings because when i was young i didn't have a
00:42:51.760
lot of feelings the only feelings i had a lot of times were you know anger or you know inferiority
00:42:59.360
um you know self-doubt self-loathing and so for me in the past three years of my life i've been able
00:43:06.760
to have different feelings you know and and some of that you know it takes some navigation and it
00:43:14.220
and and but anyway i had a lot of people send really nice messages and just supportive type
00:43:19.720
of stuff and i just want to say thank you for that you know i'm not trying to be this emo guy that's
00:43:24.200
out here fucking whining and shit and like that and fucking you know throwing uh you know throwing
00:43:31.820
fucking you know dirty uh handkerchiefs down a wishing well or something but but whatever man
00:43:43.100
that you know i like to think about what i'm feeling or feel about what i'm thinking and and that's how
00:43:49.660
there's nothing i can do about it you know that's who i am and sometimes it's it's fun and sometimes
00:43:55.280
it's it's it's it's not as much fun you know and sometimes you know but i'm grateful that i had
00:44:02.000
people like those guys i stopped in and there was a nice thing that brendan said you know he said hey
00:44:06.760
man the other day i felt like you weren't feeling that good and uh he goes and i felt bad because i
00:44:12.320
didn't know how i didn't know what to say to make you feel better and and you know i thought that was
00:44:20.380
one of the most touching things that i'd really heard you know brendan and i joke around a lot
00:44:24.580
you know we we do the podcast called king and the sting and we joke around a lot and
00:44:29.080
uh but i thought that was a very you know a night it was just a it was a very nice thing for him to
00:44:38.380
say you know he said he grew up and his mom was you know his mom suffered from some addiction issues and
00:44:44.980
and he never knew how to talk to her to make her feel better you know and uh uh and he just that
00:44:52.880
it just him saying that made me just you know i start even then i just you know you just know right
00:44:59.460
then that you have friends and people around you to talk to and that have your back um and that's what
00:45:05.660
it is that's you know that's all you can ask when you're having times where you're going through
00:45:09.240
some tough moments is some is someone to be there to listen to you and uh and just try and help you
00:45:17.840
make you feel okay and i got a lot of that from you know from the listeners and also from uh just
00:45:22.800
stopping in there and brian is so smart man isn't he and he's so brave about you know just this is who
00:45:30.020
i am you know he says and this is and i'm gonna have times like this and i'm gonna have times like
00:45:35.080
that but this is who i am and this is the path that i'm on and man he has such a great energy and
00:45:40.940
i hear from everybody that that that comes out and that has seen a lot of comedians and they
00:45:45.000
they often comment on uh how much fun his show is he has both of those guys have unique gifts inside
00:45:52.840
of them to make other people feel happy do you notice that i think that's why uh people love the
00:45:58.360
fighter and the kid um and i'm grateful to them i you know except for when they're loud and through
00:46:04.180
this fucking wall dude and i swear to god boy if i if this batch of head lice comes in that i ordered
00:46:09.860
off the internet boy and i'm talking big head lice dude i ordered a fucking half a jar from
00:46:15.320
zy air and when those get from wherever they are to zy air i'm gonna sneak them into their studio boy
00:46:26.040
it's gonna be the fighter and the uh nicks nicks was an old thing they used to have to get rid of
00:46:35.380
head lice anyway man this episode is longer than i thought i thought i was gonna be shorter but it's
00:46:41.120
okay i thought something was gonna be something isn't that funny i had a plan
00:46:47.320
we can't have a man we can try but you know apparently uh life had a bigger carrot out in
00:47:00.820
front of me today which was to be here robin hood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks
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help you build your portfolio sign up at weekend.robinhood.com that's weekend.robinhood.com
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and these days i think you know i've had experience over the years with investing and i find it
00:48:30.800
um instead of using a broker and doing that sort of thing i find it pretty manageable to do
00:48:36.520
uh by oneself um but if it's not for you uh there may be tools here on robin hood um or you may want
00:48:45.280
to go the old-fashioned route and get a broker but um but this is an option and this apparently from
00:48:51.920
everyone that i'm hearing is uh is the way to keep most of your money yourself and not have to pay
00:48:56.160
um fees i'm gonna let you guys know that i'm gonna be in phoenix arizona this weekend
00:49:02.260
uh and then i'll be in kansas city missouri the weekend after april 26 and 27 then palm beach may
00:49:09.980
3rd and 4th uh carolines in new york city and i think we added a sunday show this weekend i'm not
00:49:19.420
sure about some others did eight shows this past weekend in san jose and it was a lot uh
00:49:26.020
and so i think some of that is why i'm feeling a little kind of you know just all over the place
00:49:32.380
it was a lot it was just it was just a lot you know and and then by the end of the last show i just
00:49:38.460
was kind of i could barely even talk anymore my face was just tired from talking on stage and from
00:49:44.180
talking uh just communicating and it was just after the shows and it was just a lot man but thank you
00:49:50.060
so much for coming out i thought the the theater right there they have is beautiful and that some
00:49:54.380
people don't know the san jose that theater there um harry houdini performed in it and harry houdini
00:50:03.820
that's the magician and he performed there let's get into a little news really quick um
00:50:12.220
united airlines now offers non-binary gender options for travelers booking flights so you can
00:50:20.440
say you're male you can say you're female you can say undisclosed or even x unspecified
00:50:28.160
and we'll also have the option to choose the title mx now i'll say this that's dope you can be
00:50:38.840
basically you could be you could be clark damn kent that should be an option you know i want to be clark
00:50:44.760
ken i want to be a butterfly you know i want to be nickelback you should be able to choose any option
00:50:50.560
you want on there why stop it undisclosed unspecified brian don't be undisclosed disclose you bull you know
00:50:59.740
get on there say you might have you know you might you you're about 40 male 60 female
00:51:06.080
you know just at least you know let me know the odds of who who's maybe next to me a little
00:51:14.020
not because i need not because but just let me know you know i'm saying tell me if you might be you
00:51:20.820
know 30 carnival worker so in case you break out fucking you know in case you set a couple of little
00:51:27.920
you know goldfish bowls on the thing and start shooting uh ping pong balls out of your face
00:51:33.900
trying to win a big fucking chester cheetah that's fake it's not it's never chester you see the thing
00:51:40.560
at the fair it's always like chauncey cheetah and it's like it looks like chester cheetah from the
00:51:46.120
chip bag but he got that fucking cigarette or he's hiding a little gram back there by his tail bro you
00:51:51.580
ever seen chauncey cheetah boy chauncey cheetah ain't fucking around dude he's got those deadbeat dad
00:51:59.920
papers in his pocket boy and that's who you win at that carnival you get that you know you get that
00:52:04.800
goldfish when you get that hitter but at least let me know if i'm sitting next to you know 40 percent
00:52:10.620
man 17 percent woman and then 30 per 30 33 percent uh carnival worker so we can know what's going on
00:52:22.460
but yeah i'm choosing mx boy unspecified unspecified yeah dr dre should be an option
00:52:29.880
bitch i'm fucking 20 percent dr dre today you know i'm 30 percent 50 cent you can find me in the
00:52:39.620
so anyway if you want to be whoever you want to be in the skies fly united
00:52:47.020
dude also they should put in there with the lord so i could put i'm 100 percent with the lord in that
00:52:53.520
sucker just in case that plane gets a little you know flashy crashy off some lightning then then and
00:53:00.620
then and god's looking through the freaking uh the cedar decks to see who's sitting where he's gonna be
00:53:05.440
like that's my little angel right there that's me hermano de uh domingo that's me angel right there
00:53:17.060
that boy's 100 with a lot so i'll go straight from the plane to the heaven you feel me and that's a
00:53:24.560
pretty bad rhyme and i'm sorry about that what else a beautiful video of a soldier returning home and
00:53:31.520
surprising his son at taekwondo practice went viral uh it was a touching the hearts of many i
00:53:36.720
haven't seen this but i heard about it staff sergeant rob sesterino had been gone for 10 months
00:53:42.700
serving overseas for the tennessee national guard and surprised his nine-year-old son luca by coming
00:53:48.740
home early the family was first row for the ufc fight in nashville on saturday wow that's awesome
00:53:54.740
it gives me chills you know it gives me chills um because say what you you know people there's
00:54:03.920
all types of people serve in the u.s military all types people that want to make a better
00:54:08.600
opportunity for their family people that sometimes don't have a choice they you know they almost have
00:54:13.500
to go there they're going to jail so you got them vicks boy them c vicks you know convicts
00:54:19.840
people that love and want to support and fight for our country or defend our country uh people that
00:54:27.840
believe that they people who are willing to put their existence
00:54:38.220
in front of their freedom and that's always fascinating to me and i love these videos
00:54:46.980
you know because i think it's uh it just it shows a lot you know it shows a lot of the human
00:54:56.720
condition you know it shows like longing it shows uh commitment the father has commit you know
00:55:04.200
committed to his time um it there's a sense of honor because the you know the parent that's returning
00:55:10.340
usually has on um a military you know garment for their country um and we can all a lot of us can
00:55:19.540
relate to being a nine-year-old uh hopefully i mean hopefully there's no eight-year-olds listening to
00:55:25.120
this show but that's always a touching moment when you see that um and yeah that's fun i haven't seen
00:55:31.580
this one but i'm looking forward to it uh what else
00:55:44.920
suspends special counsel's russia probe report to attorney general
00:55:48.820
uh i never thought that russia had anything to do with anything
00:55:53.120
to be honest with you i just never got that vibe do i think that everybody's using dirty shit on facebook
00:55:59.740
yes do i feel like if i start thinking about a pair of shoes next thing you know i turn my head and i'll
00:56:06.260
see nine smoking hot women who don't even live in my town and who have never even existed before
00:56:13.260
suddenly walking by wearing the exact same shoes that i want and maybe even like a little cat
00:56:19.140
like a cat and he gets on four little bitty same shoes exactly as i want
00:56:24.660
and all of them have like a little microchip that's owned by facebook built into their back
00:56:30.380
do i think that kind of shit happens to me a lot i notice that i feel like
00:56:34.780
um so i think everybody's after our brain stems
00:56:39.060
i think everybody is trying to convince us to do everything
00:56:45.300
it just i don't know i don't know what i think about this kind of stuff i just think that it's amazing
00:56:51.660
i think it's unfortunate that the fbi was on this track for two years
00:56:55.660
you know but i guess it's a serious issue if somebody if there really is
00:57:00.000
you know severe tampering with election then that's necessary
00:57:09.140
people have to go vote people human being have to walk over there with the voter
00:57:17.200
you know i can't even but just the the energy everyone had to spend dealing with this fucking shit
00:57:25.180
think about the fbi how many how many how many people have come into the country who have ill will
00:57:34.300
how many uh children may have gone missing how many different things may have happened
00:57:40.600
because they were on this goose chase for two years
00:57:43.220
um i don't know and also i don't know a ton about stuff uh you know a lot a ton of like
00:57:50.400
political stuff but for me i never felt like there was uh a collusion it always seemed like a bunch of
00:57:55.960
bullshit to me because there was so much advertising around it by the news it was just such a constant
00:58:01.440
thing but i never it never seemed like there was enough
00:58:04.660
grit to it you know i just feel like we could spend our time doing a lot more important things
00:58:11.920
um but i don't let politicians run my life you know i run my life
00:58:17.860
you know i don't need you know none of those decisions any of those
00:58:22.640
any political parties ever made have affected what i do
00:58:26.820
you know if i work hard i believe if you work hard and you try hard it in this country
00:58:33.780
that you can get you can you can get your carrots man you can get your carrots
00:58:40.120
you can reach them you know and i hear that from a lot of like speaking of uber drivers and kind of
00:58:47.560
almost going full circle here uh you hear that from a lot of uber drivers and and and here in in los
00:58:54.400
andos you get a lot of guys from other countries that come in and um you know first generation just
00:58:59.300
got here you know uh will drive uber and you hear a lot of them that this is the opportunity
00:59:05.940
they're here for the opportunity and uh and i believe it you know i feel like once you start
00:59:12.480
expecting the government to run your life or like man if you lean in on the government dude
00:59:18.580
it's okay i'm not saying you're there's anything wrong with you and i shouldn't really be saying that
00:59:24.880
but i think you'll have bet for me i believe you'll have better luck leaning on yourself
00:59:30.980
i think you have there's a lot much less red tape and i believe that you can do it if you're having
00:59:37.780
trouble doing it uh what else man let's uh shit
00:59:43.720
hey arlene sorry guys i had a call i had i was supposed to be on a call right there and uh
00:59:53.500
and so i had to take that um i want to tell you though that let's take a couple of calls speaking
00:59:59.780
of calls man man i felt like i was right in the middle of thinking about something
01:00:02.960
that's life okay paula and that is uh brazil huh i think paula uh maybe i have no idea um
01:00:16.360
thank you for calling low p let's hear more okay little mommy you know okay okay
01:00:24.260
little mommy got a couple of them oh spring how you running them spring around them off
01:00:29.820
spreezy let's go um just calling because i just saw your show at the san jose improv and
01:00:36.820
just wanted to give you props i really appreciate you i really appreciate your dark art tour and i
01:00:43.860
have a serious question for you because i've been working out but uh my booty still don't look as
01:00:51.000
good as yours and i just wanted to know what type of exercises you do to get that booty popping i
01:00:56.340
really need to know that booty popping well i don't even know what what it is um i don't have
01:01:03.960
nothing you know i came out you know what i'm saying why i grew up in a you know kind of like a that
01:01:08.840
stray animal belt and so when you got that you know a lot of over the generations you never know
01:01:15.980
maybe a man will slip in there a woman you know maybe somebody a little steed or something you know
01:01:22.060
a shetland pony a little bit of dna will stray up into your stream so you don't even know sometimes
01:01:27.960
you wake up in the morning and you just a little bit you're like where did that come from
01:01:32.300
you're like what are with these what kind of what is in my dna you know i come in by that stray
01:01:41.980
animal belt you might have a little femur you might not not femur you might have a little bit of
01:01:46.820
ferret in you you know you might have that that furry bone that that femurit and you might have
01:01:55.260
that in you so you know that's what i'm saying i got that that junk in the trunk that j in the tray
01:02:00.380
i might be quarter shetland pony back there in the back you know what i'm saying you might see from
01:02:05.620
behind if you're looking at me from behind you might think you had on a parade route because i got
01:02:10.680
them hips i'm that hippo godamus you feel me because i got them hip hip hippos you know and
01:02:19.940
everybody knows that i got the booty of a down center you know you know i got that ds booty
01:02:24.700
and i got the i got the booty of a young black girl who made the dance team uh
01:02:31.520
but i'm glad you came out to the shows paula and uh ciao and that means i think please and uh
01:02:38.960
thank you or goodbye in uh portugues let's take another call here here we go
01:02:44.280
hey theo what's going on man it's uh the 530 post man giving you a call from out here in the rainy
01:02:52.540
rainy skies of california right now um just wanted to i don't know man i just i heard you on a fighter
01:03:00.500
and the kid and and uh it made me realize that everybody goes you know goes through these these
01:03:07.380
type of things where um you know you're feeling all full of life and happy to be around friends
01:03:13.860
and family and then out of nowhere something just creeps up inside you and it brings you down you
01:03:19.740
know for three to four days weeks months um to where you know i don't i don't even want to be around
01:03:25.300
friends i don't want to be around family and then then i'm constantly beating myself down from
01:03:29.940
from you know past mistakes and shit that i've messed up on and and regret and uh it was just
01:03:39.140
crazy to to hear you and brian discussing um that to it made me realize that you know sometimes you
01:03:47.220
just got to talk to somebody um which i i don't like to do i just i'd rather be quiet and be left alone
01:03:53.620
i feel you man i feel you there and that uh i appreciate your call and thanks for calling and
01:04:00.360
uh and sharing that you know i know it's sometimes not hard to it's hard to do that and it's hard to
01:04:05.760
do it when you're leaving a voice message and uh but i appreciate you i don't i don't want you to
01:04:11.000
think that that that that went unnoticed or unheard um and you mentioned a couple of things we don't
01:04:17.640
want to talk to others we don't want to do things we don't want to go out and that that is that's
01:04:24.420
depression's that's the it's tricks that's its tricks it teach you to stay by yourself stay over here
01:04:32.220
do this stay inside and it's there's scientific evidence that depression it grows on itself
01:04:38.480
so the less you the less you reach out the less you have little things over here
01:04:44.480
you know make your buddy a carrot oh i gotta talk to freaking a lot you know lawrence today
01:04:51.200
make him a carrot i gotta you know i gotta get a little nibble off of donna you know i make donna
01:04:58.160
a carrot you gotta reach out and that that's how you break it you know i'm not telling you what to do
01:05:06.080
but i am sharing from my experience and i gotta get my feet moving i find once i'm in my head
01:05:10.900
if my brain is really moving then it's fucking tricking me because my feet are supposed to be
01:05:17.820
moving because if my feet move my brain will follow it they have no choice but if my brain starts moving
01:05:25.120
it will make my feet stay where they are because my brain will think it's taking me places man my brain
01:05:31.220
ain't taking me anywhere my brain taking me down there behind the alley you know and it's gonna
01:05:36.700
fucking hit me with a broomstick or something or make me think i'm not good enough or do this or do
01:05:42.260
that or do something you know make me think about yurking out for something watching internet and
01:05:46.960
watching you know booties and all of that and dirty sex on there and we're better than that man that's
01:05:53.040
why we got to put our carrots you got to put you plant your carrots out there when you're feeling bad
01:05:56.680
no matter what i'm gonna call this person and check on them it's a reverse site bro that depression
01:06:03.680
is a reverse psychology i find if i call you know todd and i call a little eldrick you know and i call
01:06:11.040
big g show right next thing you know i'm hey how are you doing what's going on with you and i and i hear
01:06:16.360
what's up with them now i've done something i've helped somebody else a little i've been an ear for
01:06:21.100
them and now that the better parts of me feel a little bit of empowerment and then i get my feet
01:06:27.480
moving i go to the gym i go for a walk i go do something i don't let my brain walk i try not to
01:06:35.640
anyway but yes like you said we all do it and we all go through it and and those are things that work
01:06:43.700
for me contrary action my brain tells me to stay in bed i get out of bed you know i don't want to go
01:06:50.000
to the gym or do yoga i fucking go isn't that that because that's the hardest thing oh i don't want
01:06:57.200
to do your brains like man i don't want to do this shit and then you fucking do it showing my brain who's
01:07:04.700
boss and showing my emotions who is boss because we have to sometimes man we have to we owe it to
01:07:11.280
ourselves you know um but thank you for your call man and keep your head up you know and keep your feet
01:07:18.840
moving and just take the next right action do the next right thing you need to make yourself feel
01:07:23.960
okay sometimes it's go get a bowl of cereals sometimes it's uh take a walk sometimes it's call
01:07:29.140
someone else but sometimes you i feel like sometimes i feel like doing something and then i just won't do
01:07:36.500
it even though i know it's good for me even if it's the littlest thing do the dishwasher clean the sink
01:07:45.820
turn on some music little things like that i don't want to do it something inside of me is like don't
01:07:50.860
do it but i get them when i do those things i get a little better because then i'm taking control
01:07:56.420
and i'm not letting that black ship just sail all around my waters but thank you for calling man
01:08:02.820
and uh yeah you you're not alone there's a lot of us out there together you and me all right let's
01:08:08.060
take one more call man um and see what's going on onward hey ceo this is john calling to you from
01:08:16.420
covington louisiana man gang gang big johnny boy out of that 985 son and that's my hometown st
01:08:24.660
tammany parish down there along the chifuncta river in covington louisiana where pistol pete maravich
01:08:33.960
had uh he raised his children and had a basketball um gym built into his attic and where lee harvey
01:08:44.040
oswald that lho that third story depository uh bad boy who's gunning and reading fucking grapes of
01:08:52.520
wrath at the same time if he did it where both of them have uh been from where the tallest statue of
01:08:59.380
ronald reagan in america is covington louisiana onward brother and i just got off work i work at
01:09:06.340
cracker barrel cracker barrel dude and that is where white people go to eat collard greens onward
01:09:15.340
brother in covington i'll cook and since i love food i got a food question for you my thing is i grew up
01:09:25.340
on crawfish boils i grew up going on crawfish boil every year every year three times a year sometimes
01:09:32.100
and the way oh yeah crawfish are beautiful man fucking you know that's dirt that's dirt that's
01:09:40.240
dirt salmon crawfish bro that's the mahi mahi of soil onward i wanted to ask you what's the weirdest
01:09:48.680
thing you ever ate at the crawfish bowl that they cooked in with the crawfish for me it was pineapple
01:09:54.160
and i know it sounds weird but pineapple in a crawfish bowl you cook it in with it it's it tastes
01:09:59.460
amazing dude try it out sometime thank you so much love the podcast love the comedy big fan
01:10:05.480
gang brother thank you for calling from my hometown man that's awesome man that's so crazy to think
01:10:11.020
that somebody from my hometown listened to this podcast and i'm from my hometown and i've just
01:10:16.960
been living my life in this these this circle and then now he's connected and we're tied up here
01:10:23.600
i'll tell you this first of all pineapple's good on anything i don't care where you find pineapple
01:10:28.260
i don't care if you fucking you're doing drywall and you know a couple of things of sheetrock fall
01:10:34.320
down and they got a fucking couple of damp chunks back there from the 1800s bitch eat the pineapple
01:10:39.540
i don't care if you find a couple of fucking warm grams of pineapple in your grandmother's apron
01:10:45.400
with flint on it lint i mean eat the pineapple man that's fuzzy pineapple brother that's a delicacy in
01:10:52.940
uh you know in france eat the pineapple but some of the best things i've had at a crawfish bowl which
01:10:59.920
i'm gonna have because i'm gonna be going home for easter and my brother has a beautiful crawfish
01:11:04.180
bowl over there off kenmore avenue and uh baton rooch and they have uh yams they put sweet potatoes in
01:11:11.700
there god damn they good god damn they good but you put sweet potatoes in there i've seen mushrooms
01:11:19.120
i've seen psychedelic mushrooms at a crawfish boil and first they boil the crawfish and you eat enough
01:11:25.040
of them fucking boomers dog a couple of them fucking brain sprouters next thing you know you boiling
01:11:31.580
you boiling boy and you don't know what's going on and you fucking hugging people you don't even know
01:11:40.680
bruh and you sweating out of your tongue dude and you fucking think mother nature has your best
01:11:47.140
interests at heart bruh and that's that's when you're on psychedelic mushrooms but i like yams in
01:11:53.400
there i like oranges or grapefruit halves you put those in there cut them in half or slices i like um
01:12:00.620
what else do i like in a crawfish boil um i love yams and sweet potatoes they just did it last year
01:12:07.540
by my brothers and i really really enjoyed it corn is popular uh what else you could put in i like those
01:12:13.800
sausages pieces of chicken you know i like a sausage in there i like a good hit of sausage venison
01:12:20.140
good shit don't give me that fucking fatty fatty fatty sausage bruh that shit that look like it you
01:12:26.900
know you know like that sausage that came off of my 700 pound afternoon or whatever the show is
01:12:33.620
give me the good stuff that hitter but that's it for me man there's some other calls that came in i'll
01:12:39.400
get to some of them next week uh i gotta go i gotta go honestly rest and i gotta go to a meeting tonight
01:12:47.120
and i'm sorry to yawn but one other thing i will say that's good in a crawfish boy's carrots i like
01:12:54.240
carrots in there and that's full circle again uh you know just thinking about my carrots like what
01:13:01.060
carrots am i gonna put in front of me that are gonna make me feel good not on the outside
01:13:09.600
you can only feel things on the outside with your hands you know and i want to feel things with
01:13:16.620
the rest of me not my not not like my crotch or nothing but my my heart i want to feel things with
01:13:23.200
my feelings you know and so i want to put carrots out there that make me you know that challenge me
01:13:30.700
in different ways and we do that that's one of the things we talk about and we think about here on
01:13:34.880
this podcast and i want to thank everybody that came out in san jose i want to make sure that i did
01:13:39.800
all my responsibilities i want to thank our advertisers robin hood hair club skill shares
01:13:44.440
and uh and i just want to thank everyone i want to thank you for listening being a part of this
01:13:51.300
i'm happy to be um in your ears and i'm and i have you in my heart man and we do this shit
01:13:56.240
you know we're gonna do a lot of cool things over the years i got nice fun plans you know i have a i have
01:14:02.840
a vision that one day i'd like to be able to open up like a halfway house or in a place where people
01:14:07.660
could get some help in like half the cities where i perform so then i could what if imagine i could
01:14:13.160
go perform in a city and then have go to a meeting afterwards or go to a meeting before you know um
01:14:19.100
and just i don't know if that's true but that can be a carrot for me
01:14:23.820
you know that can be a carrot for me uh but thank you guys man thank you for everything um
01:14:30.680
be good to yourselves you know you probably deserve it and uh and let's get out of here
01:14:37.040
like we came in here man learning as we go i want to thank also my buddy harrison phillips
01:14:42.260
and that's he's part of that bill's mafia and he took us on a tour of stanford university um
01:14:48.400
their football facility and stuff this past weekend and it was awesome
01:14:51.520
you know stanford only has 7 000 undergraduate and 7 000 postgrad who are on campus at a time
01:14:58.680
about 14 15 000 students isn't that that's crazy and to think they're able to you know
01:15:03.660
compete as well athletically as they do and fuck usc that's something me and him both had in common
01:15:10.280
was we both thought fuck usc bro and i hate to finish it up on that f word but we did it man
01:15:15.520
you guys be good to yourselves man i'll see you next week and uh and you deserve it you deserve it
01:15:21.740
and i deserve it and you reminded me this week a lot of you guys for you uh just through messages
01:15:26.440
so many messages came in there's a lot of them i can't get back to and so many i just
01:15:29.740
and i don't say that in a pompous way i just can't i feel bad i can't reply to all of them
01:15:34.260
but i'll do what i can and you do what you can be good
01:17:52.400
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
01:17:58.460
I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:18:01.380
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:18:08.220
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:18:12.400
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:18:17.540
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