This Past Weekend with Theo Von - March 26, 2019


No Dirty Carrots ｜ This Past Weekend

Topics
prairie dog
Hosted by
Theo Von
Mentioned
Dyson Harry Houdini Leonel Spencer Jacob Grau Roy G. Biv Abraham Lincoln Chester Cheetah Robert Mueller Ronald Reagan Jesus Christ John C. Calhoun Falun Gong Tom Hanks McFlurry Randall Latinos Daniel
State Wars March Madness w⧸ Bryan Callen ｜ This Past Weekend #183 Dr. David Perlmutter ｜ This Past Weekend #187

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 18 minutes

Words per minute

166.5

Word count

13,141

Sentence count

228

Harmful content

Misogyny

26

sentences flagged

Toxicity

201

sentences flagged

Hate speech

67

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the March Hares Podcast, I talk about how important it is to have a plan for the new year, and how to stay focused on the goals you have in front of you. I also talk a little bit about a recent car accident that I had and how I dealt with it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.680 What's up you little March hares, huh? 0.92
00:00:04.660 You little tragic rabbits.
00:00:07.940 You see that orange dangler, bro? You see that carrot, huh?
00:00:15.200 Let's get it.
00:00:30.000 Celebrate living, celebrate misery You know that soon we're gonna die
00:00:43.020 Let's have some fun while we all die Celebrate dark days, celebrate all your pain 0.57
00:01:00.000 All of your demons exercised Let's have some fun while we all die
00:01:11.120 And that is music.
00:01:21.020 That is music by the band, or the man actually, Spencer Jacob Grau, G-R-A-U.
00:01:30.240 And he's a man, and he has that song called Celebrate.
00:01:34.800 And I'm happy to be here with you guys today. It is March.
00:01:38.740 It is March, and it is the year 2019.
00:01:47.940 And it is, this is what we got.
00:01:52.140 This is who we are.
00:01:54.680 You know, the March hares, baby.
00:01:57.900 You know, maybe getting that, and that carrot.
00:02:01.160 That carrot's always dangling, isn't it?
00:02:04.680 You notice that there's always a carrot.
00:02:06.820 Like, every day I wake up, there's some carrot.
00:02:10.120 There's, you know, that little frickin' orange
00:02:12.940 Veg-a-sickle just kind of hanging in the distance from me.
00:02:17.980 Whatever it is, it could be, you know, a financial gain.
00:02:21.940 It could be a love. 0.83
00:02:23.100 You know, I want to get a love or a sex.
00:02:26.600 It could be an apology I need to make.
00:02:32.960 But there's always something out in front of me that I'm moving towards.
00:02:39.420 Usually.
00:02:39.940 I think, anyway, I'm just trying to think what, you know, it's, yeah,
00:02:46.440 there's always something out in front of me that I'm moving towards.
00:02:49.980 That I want.
00:02:51.860 Or sometimes that I need, you know.
00:02:56.420 But there's always a carrot.
00:02:58.420 There's always a carrot that gets you, that is out in front of you.
00:03:05.600 And sometimes they're ones that, you know, you put out there.
00:03:08.140 They're goals.
00:03:09.520 Sometimes they're ones that, that, that the, you know, I guess ambitions.
00:03:17.700 I wonder what the difference between a goal and an ambition.
00:03:22.640 A goal, I think an ambition, like, drives a goal.
00:03:26.920 You know, because if you have a goal, if you want to get something,
00:03:30.860 you know, say if they have something and it's somewhere
00:03:34.040 and you want to get there, then that's a goal.
00:03:37.160 And ambition, that's the gasoline that you put in your tank or that's in your tank
00:03:45.520 that gets you over to that something, that gets you there.
00:03:49.240 So ambition, I think, is, is basically a goals, is your gasoline that gets you to a goal.
00:03:55.800 You got to have that ambition.
00:03:56.780 I think, I think, also have no idea.
00:04:01.380 But yeah, there's always a carrot that kind of gets me going.
00:04:05.200 And I just trying to, right now, just make sure that my carrots are out of a good garden.
00:04:09.620 And that's what I'm trying to think about.
00:04:12.620 Because, you know, I just noticed, like, you know, recently that I, not much changes, like, inside of me,
00:04:21.960 even though some things will change or for me will be changing on the outside of me.
00:04:25.580 You know, I don't know if I feel like, that the inside, like, that they heal
00:04:32.580 or that they do anything to the inside of me, really, you know?
00:04:37.320 Like, I mean, just recently in my life, you know, I've had the opportunity to start making more money
00:04:43.220 than I made last year.
00:04:44.460 You know, or, and so that's, you know, and at first, you know, that, you know, it's exciting just,
00:04:53.760 and then it's, you're still just kind of like, well, what, but what's going on with me?
00:05:00.440 You know, you still are just kind of with yourself.
00:05:04.180 Or you might think, I guess other things in my past have been like, oh, I want to get a car.
00:05:12.160 But then once you get in the car and you're driving, you're in the car.
00:05:17.360 You're just in there.
00:05:19.620 So, it's just like, you know, if things change or more people, like I noticed, get excited,
00:05:24.400 like, especially the past couple weeks, I've just noticed more, like, I got into an Uber the other day
00:05:33.020 and the driver, and this guy was from another, look, I've been in a lot of other countries.
00:05:43.160 This guy, I think, was from, like, another planet. 0.79
00:05:45.320 Boy, this dude was from, you know, Mars Gannis, Standinavia.
00:05:51.780 You know, this guy was from another, I don't know, he might have been, you know, he might have caught a,
00:05:58.320 you know, he might have had a hit of that freaking sandtism or something.
00:06:03.140 I don't know where this guy was from. 0.93
00:06:04.860 Like, he might have been raised in a sandcastle, you know, drinking olive juice.
00:06:09.460 He had a real, you know, I don't, you know, he might have, you know, went to summer camp on the rings of Saturn.
00:06:16.960 This boy, I don't know what he was doing, but he's like, oh, I recognized you from Hot Ones.
00:06:26.840 And Hot Ones is a chicken, you know, it's like a poultry kind of passion project of a company.
00:06:33.700 And I went in there last week and ate chicken wings with them.
00:06:36.440 And you go in there and eat the wings, and then, and it's hot.
00:06:41.040 And I'm going to put up a behind-the-scenes video today of how my mouth got kind of burnt out around the edges. 0.95
00:06:48.320 You know, it looked like I'd been trying to, you know, fucking French kiss a candle. 0.83
00:06:52.980 I was pretty, you know, I was kind of very, I had a lot of different colors around my mouth. 0.97
00:06:58.520 I was starting to really Roy G. Biv around the lips, you know.
00:07:02.360 But anyway, I got into this Uber, and the man recognized me from there and knew me from there.
00:07:09.040 And it was, and I just would never have expected it.
00:07:12.200 It wasn't, and I was just like, oh, wow, you know, that's, you know, it's, it's exciting.
00:07:18.540 You know, it's, let me think about what this is.
00:07:21.700 And I'm not trying to brag about this.
00:07:23.480 I'm trying to, like, I'm not trying to brag, like, oh, somebody recognized me from my comedy or from something, someplace they saw me.
00:07:31.760 I'm trying to think about, you know, there are times when I would think, like, oh, being popular or being,
00:07:39.040 having people acknowledge you, that that would, you know, that would cure things or that would make things different for me or different.
00:07:53.820 I don't know.
00:07:54.520 But that's a carrot that's out there, I notice.
00:07:59.160 You know, that celebrity, that popularity. 0.99
00:08:01.980 And I don't even think celebrity seems, someone that's a celebrity, that shit seems scary to me. 0.91
00:08:07.100 Because that kind of stuff is, you're like, it seems like you're controlled by bigger things, you know, like advertisers and, and you have to answer to different larger groups that are in control of you or in control of more of your time and things you can say. 0.78
00:08:26.740 But popularity, that's something that I was like, well, that's like a carrot that's kind of been out there in my life that, you know, if people knew me, then I would feel, maybe I wouldn't feel some of the ways when I feel uncomfortable or maybe it would be a solution or maybe it would, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
00:08:49.680 I mean, I do, but I don't, but this is just something that was, I was really thinking about once this may, it was just a man that I was like, oh, you know, I never expected that that man would say that.
00:09:01.700 And he said the hot ones, you know, and I guess something people on the internet like to watch people eat.
00:09:08.840 I mean, people do.
00:09:10.040 There's a couple of dark, I went down some dark holes the other night.
00:09:12.820 You could watch, you know, I mean, and look, I'll admit it.
00:09:16.520 But, you know, I like watching, you know, when I was growing up, I had a couple of, you know, urban friends, a couple of African-American buddies.
00:09:25.420 And if you haven't seen them really get into some good animal meat or some good rib meat, then you don't, you know, you haven't really seen that much.
00:09:37.400 You know what I'm saying?
00:09:38.480 These boys got that Dyson, bro. 0.99
00:09:40.040 It's like watching a Dyson, it's like watching a Dyson fucking, you know, dissect a, it's like watching, I don't know what it is. 1.00
00:09:51.420 It's like watching a damn Dyson, you know? 1.00
00:09:54.420 If you got a black buddy and you put him on a set of ribs, son, it's fucking game over, dog. 1.00
00:10:00.160 So, I mean, this guy's coming in and he, they just, they got more of a, it's like my black friends, it seemed like they had like fingers, like hands in their lips. 1.00
00:10:12.860 They go fucking, you know? 0.99
00:10:15.400 Like, damn, bro, I started, sometimes I would feel bad for the cow or the pig. 1.00
00:10:22.480 The ribs, I'd be like, God damn. 0.99
00:10:24.200 Now, that animal's feeling that in the afterlife, you know, because you just, I mean, this guy, I mean, I had a black, but he could moonwalk his, his, his face kind of down the rib. 0.99
00:10:38.100 You know, when they, you know, and I'm not saying white guys can't do it.
00:10:43.040 I'm not making, this isn't a racial thing, but some people are better at some things, maybe, or some people, that's just my experience, you know? 0.99
00:10:54.200 Like, I've seen they got that dude Yabayashi, the fucking hot dog monster. 0.99
00:10:59.660 And if you haven't seen this dude, man, usually 4th of July, people out there, you know, you're out there, little Randall's out there fucking lying to people and selling, you know, fake grams of coke and shit out there by the parade route. 0.99
00:11:13.700 And you got little Daniel's out there with his fireworks and some of them he made himself, you know? 0.98
00:11:18.960 And some of them, dude, you fucking light them and nothing happens, boy. 0.99
00:11:22.640 And then it just kind of, and then like a kidnapped person will pop out of one of them and you're like, damn, what the fuck, Daniel? 1.00
00:11:28.480 You've been up to some dirty tricks. 0.98
00:11:31.280 But everybody has their own 4th of July thing and that guy Yabayashi is a, I don't know, man. 0.99
00:11:39.400 It looked like he used to do karate and one day he just kicked a whole bunch of fucking wet hot dogs into his mouth. 0.95
00:11:44.040 And he's the champ and he's the number one champion, bro. 0.99
00:11:49.740 I mean, this is, this is, this dude is the Asian Abraham Lincoln of fucking, you know, questionable meats. 1.00
00:11:57.200 This, this dude, he, he, he, he, one time he had like, what is it? 0.97
00:12:03.580 Oh, sorry.
00:12:06.340 Adjective.
00:12:06.820 Sorry, my phone just did something.
00:12:08.260 One time, Yabayashi had 40 or 79 freaking wet hot dogs.
00:12:13.900 And that's, but that's what he does on the 4th of July.
00:12:18.120 He goes wet hot dogging.
00:12:20.360 And that's crazy.
00:12:21.500 You know, to me, that's crazy.
00:12:22.620 But, you know, different people do different things.
00:12:24.400 Anyway, I'm just saying that that guy can do hot dogs.
00:12:27.860 Right.
00:12:28.300 I've seen that.
00:12:29.100 And if you have, uh, and if you ever had any black friends growing up, maybe you did, maybe you didn't. 0.99
00:12:35.780 Now, some, some black guys aren't good at eating stuff. 0.73
00:12:39.040 You know, sometimes you need a real, I mean, if you've ever seen a, um, you know, I saw a little Asian girl eat a piece of cake one time, huge piece. 1.00
00:12:49.300 And she, I mean, dude, that shit looked like it fucking, we're going to take her, you know, two and a half weeks. 1.00
00:12:56.220 I mean, I was like, damn, I can't even, I watched for maybe about 30 minutes, you know, but I can't watch it. 0.99
00:13:02.980 It was cool, but I wasn't going to watch forever. 0.82
00:13:05.620 But what I'm saying is, what am I saying?
00:13:07.640 Jesus Christ, man.
00:13:09.220 God.
00:13:11.300 I think I went down my own worm, my own wormhole inside of my head.
00:13:17.740 But different people do different things.
00:13:19.920 And so I have a memory when I was young. 0.99
00:13:22.200 Fuck, what was I talking about? 0.99
00:13:24.640 People eating stuff. 1.00
00:13:26.220 Some people are better eat.
00:13:27.460 I have the experience of seeing some people eat things better than others.
00:13:31.220 I was talking about, um, was I eating something?
00:13:38.020 Oh, carrots.
00:13:40.440 But I don't know.
00:13:43.060 I don't know how I got so lost.
00:13:44.340 But anyway, what I was originally trying to talk about or what I was thinking about was,
00:13:48.560 oh, there's these different, oh, that guy, when I got in,
00:13:52.700 man, I never thought that this guy in the Uber, the driver was going to be like, oh, I've seen this boy eat some poultry on the internet. 0.98
00:14:00.060 You know, I've seen this boy fucking lipping down a couple of fucking pheasant wings on the web. 0.99
00:14:06.180 But that's what happened. 0.99
00:14:09.640 Um, so then, yeah, like it just, like, oh, I was thinking about popularity.
00:14:15.380 And, yeah, I guess always in my life I thought that, or maybe there was this thing that, yeah, if you were popular, if people liked you, maybe.
00:14:27.500 I'm trying to think when I was young, you know, because I like to make people laugh.
00:14:31.220 And, um, I'm just trying to think about why.
00:14:34.080 Like, what did I think that, that pot, like, I guess I don't know if I ever was, had a, I wanted to be liked, I guess.
00:14:46.960 I'm trying to think of what I, if when I was young, if I had, if I had aims to be popular or if I wanted to be liked.
00:14:54.960 But, like, what, and sorry to be thinking about all this, man, but this has just been what's on my mind.
00:15:01.180 I know, you know, or I'm not sorry.
00:15:03.920 You know, this is what I'm, this is what's on my mind.
00:15:07.000 And this is honestly the first moment I've had in four days to think about, you know, things.
00:15:14.240 Um, it was just a busy four days.
00:15:16.360 And, you know, we went to, did a wonderful weekend in San Jose.
00:15:20.360 Um, this dude, Leonel, brought out a prairie dog.
00:15:23.400 Oh, and God dang, bro, I forgot how beautiful they are.
00:15:27.260 My God.
00:15:28.240 And it was nice of him, man.
00:15:29.400 He came out late show on Thursday. 0.99
00:15:31.640 And he brought out that fucking little PDZ, son. 0.99
00:15:34.660 You know, that little, I ain't talking police department, boy. 1.00
00:15:37.660 I'm talking prairie dog.
00:15:40.160 And they're beautiful.
00:15:41.160 And you don't see a lot of them.
00:15:43.000 And I asked him where he got it.
00:15:44.580 And he wouldn't tell me.
00:15:46.540 Which, if you're owning bootleg prairie dogs, that's the right answer.
00:15:51.420 I mean, I don't think he had any documents.
00:15:53.520 You know, I don't think he had any documentation.
00:15:57.040 Any documentation on that prairie D.
00:16:00.860 But, uh, beautiful animal, man.
00:16:02.480 Let me hold it.
00:16:03.340 And, uh, and thank you, Leonel, for coming out with that.
00:16:07.460 And he gave me a, he also does music.
00:16:09.400 And he gave me an album.
00:16:10.360 And that's, and that kind of sums up San Jose in some ways, man. 0.99
00:16:15.300 You know, you don't know what the fuck somebody's doing. 0.99
00:16:17.240 They hand you a, you know, they put that prairie dog on your shoulder and him fucking hit you with that mixtape. 0.99
00:16:24.380 And it's diverse there. 0.98
00:16:26.760 I mean, this is the most diverse place I've ever seen.
00:16:29.540 You know, you couldn't, uh, I mean, you couldn't even be racist if you wanted to.
00:16:34.380 Because you couldn't figure out who to hate, man. 0.99
00:16:36.060 But you, you'd have to have a fucking chart. 0.99
00:16:37.880 I mean, you'd have to have somebody spotting you a lot of racial knowledge to really be hateful. 0.99
00:16:47.440 So it was awesome, man.
00:16:49.160 And I felt, uh, a lot of love, man, and a lot of support, uh, from all types of people, man.
00:16:55.720 All ethnicities and, and a lot of beautiful Latinos came out with their, uh, their spouses.
00:17:03.700 Um, we had some mothers and sons that came out.
00:17:08.260 A couple twins came out. 0.85
00:17:10.520 And I almost made them fight.
00:17:12.680 Because you know how I feel about twins.
00:17:14.280 But, dude, one of y'all is really living and one of y'all is milling around, you know?
00:17:20.920 Because one of y'all ain't really supposed to be here, buddy.
00:17:25.740 You know, sometimes science kind of, you know, the gear slips when science is shifting.
00:17:31.100 Sometimes it, you know, that gear slips.
00:17:37.680 And, you know, sometimes it's like when you go to McDonald's and you order a cheeseburger 0.98
00:17:43.020 and you open the bag at home and they got a fucking cheeseburger and a stray little nugget in there. 0.99
00:17:48.780 That's twins. 1.00
00:17:50.760 One of y'all is that freaking hamburguesa. 0.99
00:17:53.880 And one of y'all is that nugget de pollo. 0.96
00:17:57.520 That nugget.
00:17:58.100 so i wanted to have him fight or arm wrestle or do a couple of questionnaires or something
00:18:05.260 and see who's really supposed to be that boss out of twins because twins you know is 0.98
00:18:11.540 and it's crazy like one of them always has half of the stuff and one of them have the other half
00:18:18.000 of the stuff that you need so you got to get a little information over here and a little
00:18:23.120 information over here just to figure out what the fuck they've been doing either one of them you 0.89
00:18:29.620 know it's almost like you got to be a detective to even be friends with twins because you got to be 0.95
00:18:34.800 like okay and will you tell me this and will you tell me that and the rest of it so but they were
00:18:41.060 nice guys but a lot of met some tongans and dude i thought tongans honestly man when i was really
00:18:48.260 young i thought tongans were silverware big silverware sometime you would go to a special
00:18:54.520 deal and they would have um somebody put them big tongan uh in the salad bowl you'd be like damn 0.99
00:19:02.160 these people fucking rich bro you know i'm about to sneak off to the on the way to the bathroom i'm 0.99
00:19:08.080 gonna steal a damn candelabra did i remember being at some rich people's house when i was young and i 0.99
00:19:14.000 would steal they had potpourri a little stack of potpourri and it basically potpourri is like um 0.98
00:19:19.620 it's almost like the queen of england just gave you a little you know a couple half ounces of a
00:19:24.880 couple ounces of her garden or raked up a pile of leaves and it's like queen elizabeth raked up some 0.50
00:19:32.520 leaves in her garden and then you know sent you a couple grams of it and rich people will set it on
00:19:39.000 the top of the toilet to show you that they got that you know they got that flossy uh you know 1.00
00:19:47.300 post-life foliage and so i go in there first time i fucking fill my pockets with that shit boy 0.99
00:19:54.220 go home and just rub both of my pockets as much as i could and then all this rosary like rosy type 0.99
00:20:01.200 of smell would just just permeate my room and just really you know just made me feel
00:20:08.540 like i was back at like those rich people's houses sometimes you know and uh yeah i used to do weird
00:20:16.640 shit like that i guess to just have a different experience you know but but anyway yeah thank you 0.59
00:20:23.920 for everybody that came out man just a lot of real love i mean so many loving people and i know this 0.80
00:20:29.620 sounds crazy but just good people good people and i'm happy to be part of such a group a lot of this
00:20:36.700 past weekend listeners and uh you know and i don't want you to feel i guess i don't want you to feel
00:20:44.420 like when you see me that i think um any different than you or that i think that i'm any better than you
00:20:51.660 just because you know at the shows i'm the person that's on stage but i do feel like a representative
00:20:57.900 of our group and um i don't know what that i don't know what some of that means um
00:21:08.920 but i'm just grateful to uh to be a part of it and man it's just i i just because i can't tell you
00:21:18.880 i've been involved in different things in my life where you i don't have where i've just never gotten 0.97
00:21:24.660 to meet so many neat people at once and somebody got some prairie dogs so you know that's fucking 0.98
00:21:29.900 rare because dude let me tell you that there ain't no animals living on the streets of sanos i didn't 0.98
00:21:36.600 even see a bird all weekend i mean they got people fucking lassoing fucking crows right i mean you'll 0.98
00:21:43.120 see a dude with a fishing line with a worm on it and he'll cast that bitch up into the sky 1.00
00:21:47.120 and catch a fucking dirty little you know catch a dirty little dove i mean people 1.00
00:21:54.340 you know it's that it's a it's got that little bit of vietnam going on where people you know you eat 1.00
00:21:59.980 things things ain't just milling around that's like in south africa you like in america you have
00:22:06.600 caterpillars on the sidewalk dog that and and you go to uh cape town you go to johannesburg 0.92
00:22:13.360 that's a damn fucking little side item walking by you go to uh um you know uh you go to some of 0.96
00:22:23.020 the villages there and they will have a whole bowl of caterpillar and they cooked them out crickets 1.00
00:22:28.140 i've been there i'm not joking about this but that's see we're in america we'll let a fucking 0.98
00:22:33.480 side item we'll let an appetizer live on the streets but in san jose boy you'll see somebody fucking 0.99
00:22:40.580 you know you know uh hook a fucking maybe a little gram of coke and a mac nugget onto a fishing hook 1.00
00:22:48.920 and then just cast that bitch down an alley and catch them a fucking little you know a little 1.00
00:22:55.220 homeless person or something or catch them a little fucking vagrant so it's a different it's a unique 1.00
00:23:03.000 place but a lot of wonderful people and and thank you guys for coming out uh but what i guess what i'm 0.96
00:23:09.720 trying to think about a little bit i just want to think about this for a few more minutes then we'll
00:23:12.760 get into some calls and um because i'm just trying to think like when i was young just because i guess
00:23:20.220 you know it's just a little scary this past week was a little you know you just get more popular
00:23:25.640 and it's exciting you know it's or that's what it felt like to me and some of this could be just
00:23:31.220 my feelings it could be misinterpretation of things um uh but it was you know and it's exciting i'm
00:23:39.980 grateful that people come out because i love to perform uh stand-up comedy and i hope that
00:23:45.280 you know i always have uh stories and and funny things to make people laugh it's fun when you're in
00:23:51.340 a big room and everybody's laughing you know it makes me i think it's probably what i always wanted
00:23:57.340 you know it's probably the thing that made me the most happy when i was young and in middle school
00:24:01.540 over there at cj shane middle and over there uh at um at william pitcher jr hired off jefferson avenue
00:24:10.100 they that was the funnest thing making people laugh sitting at the lunch table drinking milk out of a bag
00:24:17.620 that's back when they had and they used to have the big bag and you could all put a straw in it
00:24:23.600 but and then they would get you a little bag you'd have your own little bag but um but it was fun
00:24:30.580 and and when kids you can make a kid laugh and milk will shoot out of his nose out of his orifices bro 0.99
00:24:35.580 and that shit it's now it's like perverted now it's something like some of these rich men are doing 0.99
00:24:41.760 out here in the hollywood hills and shit and doing it on the dl but when i was young it was just something 1.00
00:24:46.420 we would do for fun make each other laugh so hard that milk would you know just find its way out of 0.98
00:24:51.220 our bodies really fast and uh what else man i'm talking about but i guess i'm just thinking about
00:24:59.560 what you know i i just i love the experience that i've been having um getting them entertain people
00:25:10.480 and uh i just don't want you when you come to my shows i don't want you to think
00:25:14.960 just don't you could think whatever you want you know um i guess it's just it i'm not telling
00:25:28.800 anybody what to do i just i'm grateful for people coming out that's what i'm trying to say and and
00:25:33.460 it's been exciting and uh and being get it you know being just when that man
00:25:39.000 recognized me or no you know acknowledged me it it just surprised me and then i was like okay this
00:25:48.580 is starting to feel a little bit different you know this is uh you know this is a i just never
00:25:53.860 thought this person would know who i am and um and not that it matters it doesn't mean anything
00:25:59.460 but it just yeah you know it just i don't know it just made me think about like what's the value maybe
00:26:10.560 in in popularity you know what's the value in it does it because i guess what i'm starting to say
00:26:17.420 is that for me i feel like it hasn't it doesn't make me feel any different
00:26:22.280 you know i still and i don't want it to that's what i'm saying you know the ego just seems so
00:26:31.420 dangerous and it just seems dangerous and it seems so self-serving and it's like you know you just see
00:26:39.240 so much greed out there you know even you open the newspaper you see greed you know you see these you
00:26:45.860 know to me it seems like news networks are demanding what the government should do and and it's just because
00:26:51.280 of money people are just being greedy and you know you just see people say you know i just want to be
00:26:59.020 aware of what my carrots are i guess you know i just want to be aware of what my carrots are what is
00:27:07.060 driving me over here what is making me and i just want them to come out of a good garden you know and
00:27:16.640 and and that's that's i guess what i'm thinking about sorry to go on that long tangent but i just
00:27:27.040 want to know what my i want to be conscious of what my carrots are because a lot of times in our life
00:27:33.940 we can be or a lot of times in my life i've been led towards carrots that i didn't even know
00:27:39.960 what they were made out of or who put them there what was going on you know and uh and those
00:27:48.800 carrots can be anything they can be money they could be um fame they could be um you know it could
00:27:57.200 be power and i just we just need to be or i need to be conscious of what the carrots are in my in my
00:28:03.900 world um and that i don't get you know just that i don't be chasing no dirty carrots you know i don't
00:28:13.760 want no dirty carrots dude i don't want no baby carrots you feel me i ain't trying to do anything like
00:28:18.400 that like some of these rich people in the hollywood hills they'll be ordering you know baby carrots 0.83
00:28:24.180 you're like damn how many are you gonna have today buddy seem like you've had a few too many if 0.63
00:28:31.640 you're not a real baby but i just want to be conscious of my carrots man but i i felt like i 0.98
00:28:37.840 was in a beautiful garden this weekend um over there it was cool man you know i didn't know the 0.87
00:28:43.720 world was i mean i know the world is diverse but damn bro san jose's got a lock on it dude they had 0.85
00:28:50.620 700 different tents of skin over there they had people with mustaches one dude had a mustache above 0.96
00:28:56.860 each eye i was like oh i like your eyebrows he's like those are mustaches papa like 0.99
00:29:01.460 damn okay boy i like them fucking little uh i like those little eye toppers you got daddy 0.99
00:29:09.320 those little fucking uh those little sight burns i like those little sight burns and yeah i said that 0.99
00:29:17.240 joke twice because i wanted you to get it um thank you guys for being here and welcome to this past 0.97
00:29:23.440 weekend uh i'm going to phoenix this weekend and um and you know i appreciate you guys letting me
00:29:31.060 ramble on this podcast and and just talk about my feelings because sometimes i don't know what they
00:29:34.780 are and sometimes i don't know what's going on with me and um and i was listening to an old episode
00:29:41.380 the other day because i just want to know uh i don't know i just want to kind of hear you know
00:29:47.560 take a look at moments from the past and see moments now and see just so i can be aware you
00:29:53.620 know i want to be aware of what's going on i don't want to aimlessly just live in this world
00:29:59.420 and i don't want to you know i just want to do my best and i know i am i'm not trying to put extra
00:30:05.220 pressure on myself but i am trying to be aware of my carrots you know that's what i'm trying to do
00:30:09.660 right now for me um what else i gotta tell you this that this episode is brought to you by gray
00:30:19.380 block pizza gray block pizza in los angeles and we have a lot of listeners that stop by there and
00:30:24.980 send me uh jpegs and images and stuff like that and that's beautiful and gray block pizza is a great
00:30:30.300 place to get pizza and it's called gray block in los angeles i also want you to know this episode
00:30:36.280 is brought to you by hair club and when i was young that my mom had the club remember the club dude
00:30:42.440 the club the club was this thing you put on a car and you put that you lie it you had to like
00:30:51.180 click it a couple certain ways and just lock it and uh
00:30:55.260 dude my mom was so crazy about things getting stolen all the time she didn't want 1.00
00:31:03.600 and the car was a piece of shit man you know mom had this ford festiva for a little while and she 0.98
00:31:10.340 had a volkswagen rabbit and it was our car man it was real real small like the interior of the car was 0.99
00:31:17.000 probably you know probably uh maybe five by four maybe 20 square feet inside so five feet by four
00:31:25.600 feet and it sat five people boy so it was it was like being stuck in a really small elevator but you
00:31:32.740 guys were going somewhere forward you know and there was a window on the front and mom could the 0.98
00:31:37.600 good thing about a small car mom could beat everybody's ass from that driver's seat you know 1.00
00:31:45.180 because mom had four children i was one of the children and you know she went from oldest to 0.98
00:31:49.720 youngest you know and it was almost like playing the cymbals when mom would start whooping everybody's 0.86
00:31:54.160 ass in the car because different children have different densities in them and that's called body 0.99
00:32:00.100 density and so she'd hit my brother and he'd be like bam and then me would be like bang and then 1.00
00:32:05.640 my sister would be like bang because it was younger and then the little baby she'd be like 1.00
00:32:08.880 the baby was being bad right there
00:32:16.640 my brother wouldn't shut up and it hit him and then i'd start popping off she'd be like
00:32:22.880 and my sister was pretty good and so sometimes she would just tap her
00:32:28.280 but it was a uh you know that's when mom would just start whoo and she'd start just hitting the 0.99
00:32:35.160 fucking drums dude like larry kravitz you know like damn def leopard guy died just like that fucking 0.99
00:32:40.100 you know she would go hard but anyway what was i even talking about i don't know what i'm talking 1.00
00:32:46.000 about today oh but she had the club on that car mom dude they had wiring hanging out of that thing 1.00
00:32:51.580 one side of the car you could see the one there was a little bit of floorboard missing
00:32:55.640 somebody's stolen a piece of the floorboard welder had cut it out and put it in their car
00:33:00.820 used it for something they needed it for that was more important than what we needed it for
00:33:05.040 so you had to in the front you had to be careful you had to put your feet off to the sides a little
00:33:09.380 because part of that floorboard somebody had borrowed it but what i'm talking about is
00:33:14.220 hair club and your confidence is important sometimes one change can make all the difference
00:33:21.340 hair club knows this and they're inviting you to become part of the hair club family to see how
00:33:27.560 getting the most out of your hair can change your life hair club understands the emotions you're
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00:33:52.620 trained stylists experts and consultants will craft a solution to ensure you feel your best
00:33:58.360 and get the most out of your hair i have uh you know a lot of our listeners know i had a hair
00:34:05.720 transplants i had like 50 hairs taken out of the back and put in those little you know those little
00:34:12.540 slithering spaces up there them little you know those dracula points um a couple years ago or a year
00:34:19.540 year ago now two years ago and it was a for me it was a good experience you know uh and so anyway i've
00:34:27.800 had some experience with you know dealing with my hair and and just wanting to keep hair you know
00:34:33.740 wanting to keep hair on my head because i used to farm and you know a man is often um you know a man 0.97
00:34:42.300 can sometimes you know we'll just if you've ever farmed you want to fucking have a little crop 0.93
00:34:46.520 you want to be you know have that croptopolis brun so that's what i had but you can go to
00:34:52.000 hairclub.com slash theo today for a free hair analysis and a free take-home hair kit all valued
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00:35:09.480 slash theo experience your hair and your life at its best only with hair club i'm certain you'll
00:35:15.460 love the club and uh yeah mom used to put that club on that car and we would all laugh man because 0.98
00:35:21.480 the car was a piece of shit dude we owned the car and we would always hope people would steal it 0.98
00:35:26.660 you know we'd rather walk in an organized group with mom walking and then one of us walking right 0.99
00:35:32.780 next to her and then three of us walking in the back right behind her we'd all we'd rather walk
00:35:37.680 in formation than be in that car because you know if we was going somewhere long enough 0.97
00:35:43.240 over probably a mile and a half mom was about to play the damn drums boy everybody's gonna get their 1.00
00:35:51.200 ass beat and i don't knock my mother for that you know when a when a mother is a single mother they 1.00
00:35:57.660 have to be a father too they have to be a disciplinarian and uh that's another thing i was 0.94
00:36:03.820 thinking about this weekend you know it's interesting a lot of my generation our mother
00:36:07.520 had to also be a disciplinarian and i just wonder the effects of when you have to when you i don't
00:36:15.640 know if a young man is supposed to or young i can't speak for a young woman i don't know i can't speak
00:36:20.200 for anybody i don't know if i i don't know how i don't know how i don't know if a mother is supposed
00:36:30.080 to have to be that you know somewhat yes but i don't know and maybe that's just been historically
00:36:38.660 maybe in the future that will change as our dna gets different ideas stuck into it and moving forward
00:36:43.760 but but i don't know how a young man takes that if the mother also has to be the disciplinarian
00:36:51.020 because then sometimes you might not go to your disciplinarian to get the love you need
00:36:55.340 and so then if you if you see your mother as a disciplinarian then when you need a hug maybe
00:37:02.920 you know you don't get that you don't go get the hug because you don't want to go hug somebody that
00:37:09.700 was also having to be a disciplinarian to you out of some type of a spite maybe
00:37:13.780 you know like say a dude rocked you out at the schoolyard a little you know popped you off say 0.98
00:37:20.280 somebody fucking hit you with a broomstick you know or fucking you know put a couple pieces of ice in 0.99
00:37:25.220 your mouth and then just made you know just punched you in the face until you was just serving just 1.00
00:37:30.080 shaved ice right out of your own face bro welcome to oahu but later in the day you're gonna go hug that 0.95
00:37:38.340 guy when you need some emotional support when you need a tender moment are you gonna do that
00:37:44.860 you know so i think that's some of the things when i'm just starting to think i've been thinking about
00:37:49.300 like what happens when you know when children have to be raised by single parents and how they interact
00:37:58.080 with one another and you know i don't have the knowledge about it so i'm not able to sometimes
00:38:02.520 come from a place of knowledge and so if you think that i know what i'm talking about
00:38:08.040 then don't think that because that's not what i'm trying to say i'm just trying to
00:38:13.460 talk about whatever i'm you know so my experience but um anyway i also want to let you know that
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00:39:22.960 skillshare.com slash theo vaughn might be a nice gift if you have you know some a child or a sibling
00:39:32.840 that's that's always on their device get that uh get them that educational hitter because if they're
00:39:39.020 already on there if they're on a tablet or something they might not mind learning while they are
00:39:42.680 but they might you know um but yeah i guess i just you know a lot of intro not introspection i'm just
00:39:52.400 a lot of thinking this week you know because uh you know it just i i just this is the first weekend
00:40:00.540 where i started to notice like man like people are it just felt like more popularity and so i just
00:40:07.220 wanted to um and you know and it's great look i love meeting people i love meeting like-minded people
00:40:14.320 i feel like a lot of the people that come to the you know to the comedy shows like we're kind of
00:40:18.500 like-minded you know even when we're talking during in line and i tried to meet everybody i could some
00:40:23.900 of the early shows i couldn't but the late shows i tried to meet every single person um and you know
00:40:31.280 even just sometimes the short conversations or just the look in our eyes to each other and that you
00:40:35.820 know it felt like we were like-minded um and so i'm just happy to be able to meet people that it
00:40:42.100 would seem like i would meet anyway uh you know we just meet up at a comedy show um what else don't
00:40:53.500 want to talk about man my mind's a little all over the place oh i got a lot of uh people that reached
00:40:59.300 out you know i was i stopped into this uh the fighter and the kid the other day and had a you know and i
00:41:05.080 had a nice chat in there with brian callens and he is if you're not familiar with him he was i don't
00:41:12.600 think he was in the old testament but he was in the new testament and he was a jedi or something i
00:41:18.280 don't know what he was but he he's seen many many moons you know native americans know him there's
00:41:27.880 drawing of hymns on there's drawings of him on hymns probably the those you know those wiener
00:41:35.860 peels boy does giraffe makers uh there's drawings of him on on cave walls and these aren't rumors these
00:41:42.600 are real things if you put your ear up to a seashell that you find on a mountain you can hear it ask for
00:41:51.520 brian callen you know there's a lot of crazy things like um apparently one time a huge wave came
00:41:59.480 and and at the same time a rainbow was shooting through the sky and the wave was like a hundred
00:42:06.120 feet high and at the same moment an eagle flew right in and there was like a triumvirate of water
00:42:12.360 and and and rainbow and and egality and that they say is when brian callen became
00:42:22.640 so he's a very fascinating man but i stopped in there and we had like kind of a we had kind of a
00:42:30.040 you know an emo not emotional conversation we had a kind of a you know a real conversation i was just
00:42:34.500 thinking about stuff and they were super helpful and you know and brendan you know because i get
00:42:42.120 you know i don't get i guess i get caught in my feelings a little bit but i like it you know
00:42:47.000 sometimes i like to know what's going on with my feelings because when i was young i didn't have a
00:42:51.760 lot of feelings the only feelings i had a lot of times were you know anger or you know inferiority
00:42:59.360 um you know self-doubt self-loathing and so for me in the past three years of my life i've been able
00:43:06.760 to have different feelings you know and and some of that you know it takes some navigation and it
00:43:14.220 and and but anyway i had a lot of people send really nice messages and just supportive type
00:43:19.720 of stuff and i just want to say thank you for that you know i'm not trying to be this emo guy that's 0.98
00:43:24.200 out here fucking whining and shit and like that and fucking you know throwing uh you know throwing 1.00
00:43:31.820 fucking you know dirty uh handkerchiefs down a wishing well or something but but whatever man 1.00
00:43:43.100 that you know i like to think about what i'm feeling or feel about what i'm thinking and and that's how 0.99
00:43:49.660 there's nothing i can do about it you know that's who i am and sometimes it's it's fun and sometimes
00:43:55.280 it's it's it's it's not as much fun you know and sometimes you know but i'm grateful that i had
00:44:02.000 people like those guys i stopped in and there was a nice thing that brendan said you know he said hey
00:44:06.760 man the other day i felt like you weren't feeling that good and uh he goes and i felt bad because i
00:44:12.320 didn't know how i didn't know what to say to make you feel better and and you know i thought that was
00:44:20.380 one of the most touching things that i'd really heard you know brendan and i joke around a lot
00:44:24.580 you know we we do the podcast called king and the sting and we joke around a lot and
00:44:29.080 uh but i thought that was a very you know a night it was just a it was a very nice thing for him to
00:44:38.380 say you know he said he grew up and his mom was you know his mom suffered from some addiction issues and
00:44:44.980 and he never knew how to talk to her to make her feel better you know and uh uh and he just that
00:44:52.880 it just him saying that made me just you know i start even then i just you know you just know right
00:44:59.460 then that you have friends and people around you to talk to and that have your back um and that's what
00:45:05.660 it is that's you know that's all you can ask when you're having times where you're going through
00:45:09.240 some tough moments is some is someone to be there to listen to you and uh and just try and help you
00:45:17.840 make you feel okay and i got a lot of that from you know from the listeners and also from uh just
00:45:22.800 stopping in there and brian is so smart man isn't he and he's so brave about you know just this is who
00:45:30.020 i am you know he says and this is and i'm gonna have times like this and i'm gonna have times like
00:45:35.080 that but this is who i am and this is the path that i'm on and man he has such a great energy and
00:45:40.940 i hear from everybody that that that comes out and that has seen a lot of comedians and they
00:45:45.000 they often comment on uh how much fun his show is he has both of those guys have unique gifts inside
00:45:52.840 of them to make other people feel happy do you notice that i think that's why uh people love the
00:45:58.360 fighter and the kid um and i'm grateful to them i you know except for when they're loud and through 0.91
00:46:04.180 this fucking wall dude and i swear to god boy if i if this batch of head lice comes in that i ordered 0.99
00:46:09.860 off the internet boy and i'm talking big head lice dude i ordered a fucking half a jar from 0.99
00:46:15.320 zy air and when those get from wherever they are to zy air i'm gonna sneak them into their studio boy 0.79
00:46:26.040 it's gonna be the fighter and the uh nicks nicks was an old thing they used to have to get rid of
00:46:35.380 head lice anyway man this episode is longer than i thought i thought i was gonna be shorter but it's
00:46:41.120 okay i thought something was gonna be something isn't that funny i had a plan
00:46:47.320 we can't have a man we can try but you know apparently uh life had a bigger carrot out in
00:47:00.820 front of me today which was to be here robin hood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks
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00:47:40.940 four taps on your smartphone think about that that's just like mom you know hitting us in the car
00:47:46.540 seven shares of apple you can view stock collections such as 100 most popular with robin hood you can
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00:48:25.120 and these days i think you know i've had experience over the years with investing and i find it
00:48:30.800 um instead of using a broker and doing that sort of thing i find it pretty manageable to do
00:48:36.520 uh by oneself um but if it's not for you uh there may be tools here on robin hood um or you may want
00:48:45.280 to go the old-fashioned route and get a broker but um but this is an option and this apparently from
00:48:51.920 everyone that i'm hearing is uh is the way to keep most of your money yourself and not have to pay
00:48:56.160 um fees i'm gonna let you guys know that i'm gonna be in phoenix arizona this weekend
00:49:02.260 uh and then i'll be in kansas city missouri the weekend after april 26 and 27 then palm beach may
00:49:09.980 3rd and 4th uh carolines in new york city and i think we added a sunday show this weekend i'm not
00:49:19.420 sure about some others did eight shows this past weekend in san jose and it was a lot uh
00:49:26.020 and so i think some of that is why i'm feeling a little kind of you know just all over the place
00:49:32.380 it was a lot it was just it was just a lot you know and and then by the end of the last show i just
00:49:38.460 was kind of i could barely even talk anymore my face was just tired from talking on stage and from
00:49:44.180 talking uh just communicating and it was just after the shows and it was just a lot man but thank you
00:49:50.060 so much for coming out i thought the the theater right there they have is beautiful and that some
00:49:54.380 people don't know the san jose that theater there um harry houdini performed in it and harry houdini
00:50:03.820 that's the magician and he performed there let's get into a little news really quick um
00:50:12.220 united airlines now offers non-binary gender options for travelers booking flights so you can
00:50:20.440 say you're male you can say you're female you can say undisclosed or even x unspecified
00:50:28.160 and we'll also have the option to choose the title mx now i'll say this that's dope you can be 0.92
00:50:38.840 basically you could be you could be clark damn kent that should be an option you know i want to be clark
00:50:44.760 ken i want to be a butterfly you know i want to be nickelback you should be able to choose any option 0.97
00:50:50.560 you want on there why stop it undisclosed unspecified brian don't be undisclosed disclose you bull you know 0.59
00:50:59.740 get on there say you might have you know you might you you're about 40 male 60 female
00:51:06.080 you know just at least you know let me know the odds of who who's maybe next to me a little
00:51:14.020 not because i need not because but just let me know you know i'm saying tell me if you might be you 0.92
00:51:20.820 know 30 carnival worker so in case you break out fucking you know in case you set a couple of little 0.99
00:51:27.920 you know goldfish bowls on the thing and start shooting uh ping pong balls out of your face 0.99
00:51:33.900 trying to win a big fucking chester cheetah that's fake it's not it's never chester you see the thing 0.96
00:51:40.560 at the fair it's always like chauncey cheetah and it's like it looks like chester cheetah from the 1.00
00:51:46.120 chip bag but he got that fucking cigarette or he's hiding a little gram back there by his tail bro you 0.99
00:51:51.580 ever seen chauncey cheetah boy chauncey cheetah ain't fucking around dude he's got those deadbeat dad 0.99
00:51:59.920 papers in his pocket boy and that's who you win at that carnival you get that you know you get that 0.92
00:52:04.800 goldfish when you get that hitter but at least let me know if i'm sitting next to you know 40 percent
00:52:10.620 man 17 percent woman and then 30 per 30 33 percent uh carnival worker so we can know what's going on
00:52:22.460 but yeah i'm choosing mx boy unspecified unspecified yeah dr dre should be an option 0.97
00:52:29.880 bitch i'm fucking 20 percent dr dre today you know i'm 30 percent 50 cent you can find me in the 1.00
00:52:38.400 fucking club baby 1.00
00:52:39.620 so anyway if you want to be whoever you want to be in the skies fly united 0.99
00:52:47.020 dude also they should put in there with the lord so i could put i'm 100 percent with the lord in that
00:52:53.520 sucker just in case that plane gets a little you know flashy crashy off some lightning then then and 0.81
00:53:00.620 then and god's looking through the freaking uh the cedar decks to see who's sitting where he's gonna be 0.96
00:53:05.440 like that's my little angel right there that's me hermano de uh domingo that's me angel right there
00:53:17.060 that boy's 100 with a lot so i'll go straight from the plane to the heaven you feel me and that's a
00:53:24.560 pretty bad rhyme and i'm sorry about that what else a beautiful video of a soldier returning home and
00:53:31.520 surprising his son at taekwondo practice went viral uh it was a touching the hearts of many i
00:53:36.720 haven't seen this but i heard about it staff sergeant rob sesterino had been gone for 10 months
00:53:42.700 serving overseas for the tennessee national guard and surprised his nine-year-old son luca by coming
00:53:48.740 home early the family was first row for the ufc fight in nashville on saturday wow that's awesome
00:53:54.740 it gives me chills you know it gives me chills um because say what you you know people there's
00:54:03.920 all types of people serve in the u.s military all types people that want to make a better
00:54:08.600 opportunity for their family people that sometimes don't have a choice they you know they almost have
00:54:13.500 to go there they're going to jail so you got them vicks boy them c vicks you know convicts
00:54:19.840 people that love and want to support and fight for our country or defend our country uh people that
00:54:27.840 believe that they people who are willing to put their existence
00:54:38.220 in front of their freedom and that's always fascinating to me and i love these videos
00:54:46.980 you know because i think it's uh it just it shows a lot you know it shows a lot of the human
00:54:56.720 condition you know it shows like longing it shows uh commitment the father has commit you know
00:55:04.200 committed to his time um it there's a sense of honor because the you know the parent that's returning
00:55:10.340 usually has on um a military you know garment for their country um and we can all a lot of us can
00:55:19.540 relate to being a nine-year-old uh hopefully i mean hopefully there's no eight-year-olds listening to
00:55:25.120 this show but that's always a touching moment when you see that um and yeah that's fun i haven't seen
00:55:31.580 this one but i'm looking forward to it uh what else
00:55:34.880 um
00:55:38.700 we got what else oh robert miller
00:55:44.920 suspends special counsel's russia probe report to attorney general
00:55:48.820 uh i never thought that russia had anything to do with anything 0.99
00:55:53.120 to be honest with you i just never got that vibe do i think that everybody's using dirty shit on facebook 0.90
00:55:59.740 yes do i feel like if i start thinking about a pair of shoes next thing you know i turn my head and i'll 0.99
00:56:06.260 see nine smoking hot women who don't even live in my town and who have never even existed before 1.00
00:56:13.260 suddenly walking by wearing the exact same shoes that i want and maybe even like a little cat
00:56:19.140 like a cat and he gets on four little bitty same shoes exactly as i want
00:56:24.660 and all of them have like a little microchip that's owned by facebook built into their back 0.86
00:56:30.380 do i think that kind of shit happens to me a lot i notice that i feel like 0.97
00:56:34.780 um so i think everybody's after our brain stems 0.97
00:56:39.060 i think everybody is trying to convince us to do everything
00:56:42.400 but i just
00:56:45.300 it just i don't know i don't know what i think about this kind of stuff i just think that it's amazing
00:56:51.660 i think it's unfortunate that the fbi was on this track for two years
00:56:55.660 you know but i guess it's a serious issue if somebody if there really is
00:57:00.000 you know severe tampering with election then that's necessary
00:57:06.280 but i just don't see how you would do it
00:57:09.140 people have to go vote people human being have to walk over there with the voter
00:57:14.440 with the peace with the peace with the so 1.00
00:57:17.200 you know i can't even but just the the energy everyone had to spend dealing with this fucking shit 0.99
00:57:25.180 think about the fbi how many how many how many people have come into the country who have ill will 1.00
00:57:34.300 how many uh children may have gone missing how many different things may have happened
00:57:40.600 because they were on this goose chase for two years
00:57:43.220 um i don't know and also i don't know a ton about stuff uh you know a lot a ton of like
00:57:50.400 political stuff but for me i never felt like there was uh a collusion it always seemed like a bunch of
00:57:55.960 bullshit to me because there was so much advertising around it by the news it was just such a constant
00:58:01.440 thing but i never it never seemed like there was enough 0.99
00:58:04.660 grit to it you know i just feel like we could spend our time doing a lot more important things
00:58:11.920 um but i don't let politicians run my life you know i run my life
00:58:17.860 you know i don't need you know none of those decisions any of those
00:58:22.640 any political parties ever made have affected what i do
00:58:26.820 you know if i work hard i believe if you work hard and you try hard it in this country
00:58:33.780 that you can get you can you can get your carrots man you can get your carrots
00:58:40.120 you can reach them you know and i hear that from a lot of like speaking of uber drivers and kind of
00:58:47.560 almost going full circle here uh you hear that from a lot of uber drivers and and and here in in los
00:58:54.400 andos you get a lot of guys from other countries that come in and um you know first generation just
00:58:59.300 got here you know uh will drive uber and you hear a lot of them that this is the opportunity
00:59:05.940 they're here for the opportunity and uh and i believe it you know i feel like once you start
00:59:12.480 expecting the government to run your life or like man if you lean in on the government dude
00:59:18.580 it's okay i'm not saying you're there's anything wrong with you and i shouldn't really be saying that
00:59:24.880 but i think you'll have bet for me i believe you'll have better luck leaning on yourself
00:59:30.980 i think you have there's a lot much less red tape and i believe that you can do it if you're having 0.99
00:59:37.780 trouble doing it uh what else man let's uh shit 0.92
00:59:43.720 hey arlene sorry guys i had a call i had i was supposed to be on a call right there and uh 0.95
00:59:53.500 and so i had to take that um i want to tell you though that let's take a couple of calls speaking
00:59:59.780 of calls man man i felt like i was right in the middle of thinking about something
01:00:02.960 that's life okay paula and that is uh brazil huh i think paula uh maybe i have no idea um
01:00:16.360 thank you for calling low p let's hear more okay little mommy you know okay okay
01:00:24.260 little mommy got a couple of them oh spring how you running them spring around them off 0.97
01:00:29.820 spreezy let's go um just calling because i just saw your show at the san jose improv and
01:00:36.820 just wanted to give you props i really appreciate you i really appreciate your dark art tour and i
01:00:43.860 have a serious question for you because i've been working out but uh my booty still don't look as
01:00:51.000 good as yours and i just wanted to know what type of exercises you do to get that booty popping i 0.99
01:00:56.340 really need to know that booty popping well i don't even know what what it is um i don't have
01:01:03.960 nothing you know i came out you know what i'm saying why i grew up in a you know kind of like a that
01:01:08.840 stray animal belt and so when you got that you know a lot of over the generations you never know
01:01:15.980 maybe a man will slip in there a woman you know maybe somebody a little steed or something you know 1.00
01:01:22.060 a shetland pony a little bit of dna will stray up into your stream so you don't even know sometimes
01:01:27.960 you wake up in the morning and you just a little bit you're like where did that come from
01:01:32.300 you're like what are with these what kind of what is in my dna you know i come in by that stray
01:01:41.980 animal belt you might have a little femur you might not not femur you might have a little bit of
01:01:46.820 ferret in you you know you might have that that furry bone that that femurit and you might have 0.73
01:01:55.260 that in you so you know that's what i'm saying i got that that junk in the trunk that j in the tray 0.71
01:02:00.380 i might be quarter shetland pony back there in the back you know what i'm saying you might see from
01:02:05.620 behind if you're looking at me from behind you might think you had on a parade route because i got
01:02:10.680 them hips i'm that hippo godamus you feel me because i got them hip hip hippos you know and
01:02:19.940 everybody knows that i got the booty of a down center you know you know i got that ds booty
01:02:24.700 and i got the i got the booty of a young black girl who made the dance team uh 1.00
01:02:31.520 but i'm glad you came out to the shows paula and uh ciao and that means i think please and uh
01:02:38.960 thank you or goodbye in uh portugues let's take another call here here we go
01:02:44.280 hey theo what's going on man it's uh the 530 post man giving you a call from out here in the rainy
01:02:52.540 rainy skies of california right now um just wanted to i don't know man i just i heard you on a fighter
01:03:00.500 and the kid and and uh it made me realize that everybody goes you know goes through these these
01:03:07.380 type of things where um you know you're feeling all full of life and happy to be around friends
01:03:13.860 and family and then out of nowhere something just creeps up inside you and it brings you down you
01:03:19.740 know for three to four days weeks months um to where you know i don't i don't even want to be around
01:03:25.300 friends i don't want to be around family and then then i'm constantly beating myself down from
01:03:29.940 from you know past mistakes and shit that i've messed up on and and regret and uh it was just 0.71
01:03:39.140 crazy to to hear you and brian discussing um that to it made me realize that you know sometimes you
01:03:47.220 just got to talk to somebody um which i i don't like to do i just i'd rather be quiet and be left alone
01:03:53.620 i feel you man i feel you there and that uh i appreciate your call and thanks for calling and
01:04:00.360 uh and sharing that you know i know it's sometimes not hard to it's hard to do that and it's hard to
01:04:05.760 do it when you're leaving a voice message and uh but i appreciate you i don't i don't want you to
01:04:11.000 think that that that that went unnoticed or unheard um and you mentioned a couple of things we don't
01:04:17.640 want to talk to others we don't want to do things we don't want to go out and that that is that's
01:04:24.420 depression's that's the it's tricks that's its tricks it teach you to stay by yourself stay over here
01:04:32.220 do this stay inside and it's there's scientific evidence that depression it grows on itself
01:04:38.480 so the less you the less you reach out the less you have little things over here
01:04:44.480 you know make your buddy a carrot oh i gotta talk to freaking a lot you know lawrence today
01:04:51.200 make him a carrot i gotta you know i gotta get a little nibble off of donna you know i make donna 1.00
01:04:58.160 a carrot you gotta reach out and that that's how you break it you know i'm not telling you what to do
01:05:06.080 but i am sharing from my experience and i gotta get my feet moving i find once i'm in my head 0.56
01:05:10.900 if my brain is really moving then it's fucking tricking me because my feet are supposed to be 0.85
01:05:17.820 moving because if my feet move my brain will follow it they have no choice but if my brain starts moving 0.97
01:05:25.120 it will make my feet stay where they are because my brain will think it's taking me places man my brain
01:05:31.220 ain't taking me anywhere my brain taking me down there behind the alley you know and it's gonna 0.96
01:05:36.700 fucking hit me with a broomstick or something or make me think i'm not good enough or do this or do 0.97
01:05:42.260 that or do something you know make me think about yurking out for something watching internet and 1.00
01:05:46.960 watching you know booties and all of that and dirty sex on there and we're better than that man that's 0.99
01:05:53.040 why we got to put our carrots you got to put you plant your carrots out there when you're feeling bad 0.99
01:05:56.680 no matter what i'm gonna call this person and check on them it's a reverse site bro that depression
01:06:03.680 is a reverse psychology i find if i call you know todd and i call a little eldrick you know and i call
01:06:11.040 big g show right next thing you know i'm hey how are you doing what's going on with you and i and i hear
01:06:16.360 what's up with them now i've done something i've helped somebody else a little i've been an ear for
01:06:21.100 them and now that the better parts of me feel a little bit of empowerment and then i get my feet
01:06:27.480 moving i go to the gym i go for a walk i go do something i don't let my brain walk i try not to
01:06:35.640 anyway but yes like you said we all do it and we all go through it and and those are things that work
01:06:43.700 for me contrary action my brain tells me to stay in bed i get out of bed you know i don't want to go
01:06:50.000 to the gym or do yoga i fucking go isn't that that because that's the hardest thing oh i don't want 0.99
01:06:57.200 to do your brains like man i don't want to do this shit and then you fucking do it showing my brain who's 0.99
01:07:04.700 boss and showing my emotions who is boss because we have to sometimes man we have to we owe it to 1.00
01:07:11.280 ourselves you know um but thank you for your call man and keep your head up you know and keep your feet
01:07:18.840 moving and just take the next right action do the next right thing you need to make yourself feel
01:07:23.960 okay sometimes it's go get a bowl of cereals sometimes it's uh take a walk sometimes it's call
01:07:29.140 someone else but sometimes you i feel like sometimes i feel like doing something and then i just won't do
01:07:36.500 it even though i know it's good for me even if it's the littlest thing do the dishwasher clean the sink
01:07:45.820 turn on some music little things like that i don't want to do it something inside of me is like don't
01:07:50.860 do it but i get them when i do those things i get a little better because then i'm taking control
01:07:56.420 and i'm not letting that black ship just sail all around my waters but thank you for calling man
01:08:02.820 and uh yeah you you're not alone there's a lot of us out there together you and me all right let's
01:08:08.060 take one more call man um and see what's going on onward hey ceo this is john calling to you from
01:08:16.420 covington louisiana man gang gang big johnny boy out of that 985 son and that's my hometown st
01:08:24.660 tammany parish down there along the chifuncta river in covington louisiana where pistol pete maravich
01:08:33.960 had uh he raised his children and had a basketball um gym built into his attic and where lee harvey 0.98
01:08:44.040 oswald that lho that third story depository uh bad boy who's gunning and reading fucking grapes of 0.99
01:08:52.520 wrath at the same time if he did it where both of them have uh been from where the tallest statue of 0.93
01:08:59.380 ronald reagan in america is covington louisiana onward brother and i just got off work i work at
01:09:06.340 cracker barrel cracker barrel dude and that is where white people go to eat collard greens onward 0.99
01:09:15.340 brother in covington i'll cook and since i love food i got a food question for you my thing is i grew up
01:09:25.340 on crawfish boils i grew up going on crawfish boil every year every year three times a year sometimes 0.97
01:09:32.100 and the way oh yeah crawfish are beautiful man fucking you know that's dirt that's dirt that's 0.99
01:09:40.240 dirt salmon crawfish bro that's the mahi mahi of soil onward i wanted to ask you what's the weirdest 0.98
01:09:48.680 thing you ever ate at the crawfish bowl that they cooked in with the crawfish for me it was pineapple
01:09:54.160 and i know it sounds weird but pineapple in a crawfish bowl you cook it in with it it's it tastes
01:09:59.460 amazing dude try it out sometime thank you so much love the podcast love the comedy big fan
01:10:05.480 gang brother thank you for calling from my hometown man that's awesome man that's so crazy to think
01:10:11.020 that somebody from my hometown listened to this podcast and i'm from my hometown and i've just
01:10:16.960 been living my life in this these this circle and then now he's connected and we're tied up here
01:10:23.600 i'll tell you this first of all pineapple's good on anything i don't care where you find pineapple 0.96
01:10:28.260 i don't care if you fucking you're doing drywall and you know a couple of things of sheetrock fall 0.99
01:10:34.320 down and they got a fucking couple of damp chunks back there from the 1800s bitch eat the pineapple 1.00
01:10:39.540 i don't care if you find a couple of fucking warm grams of pineapple in your grandmother's apron 0.99
01:10:45.400 with flint on it lint i mean eat the pineapple man that's fuzzy pineapple brother that's a delicacy in 0.99
01:10:52.940 uh you know in france eat the pineapple but some of the best things i've had at a crawfish bowl which
01:10:59.920 i'm gonna have because i'm gonna be going home for easter and my brother has a beautiful crawfish
01:11:04.180 bowl over there off kenmore avenue and uh baton rooch and they have uh yams they put sweet potatoes in 0.91
01:11:11.700 there god damn they good god damn they good but you put sweet potatoes in there i've seen mushrooms 0.85
01:11:19.120 i've seen psychedelic mushrooms at a crawfish boil and first they boil the crawfish and you eat enough 1.00
01:11:25.040 of them fucking boomers dog a couple of them fucking brain sprouters next thing you know you boiling 1.00
01:11:31.580 you boiling boy and you don't know what's going on and you fucking hugging people you don't even know 1.00
01:11:40.680 bruh and you sweating out of your tongue dude and you fucking think mother nature has your best 0.99
01:11:47.140 interests at heart bruh and that's that's when you're on psychedelic mushrooms but i like yams in 0.99
01:11:53.400 there i like oranges or grapefruit halves you put those in there cut them in half or slices i like um
01:12:00.620 what else do i like in a crawfish boil um i love yams and sweet potatoes they just did it last year
01:12:07.540 by my brothers and i really really enjoyed it corn is popular uh what else you could put in i like those
01:12:13.800 sausages pieces of chicken you know i like a sausage in there i like a good hit of sausage venison 1.00
01:12:20.140 good shit don't give me that fucking fatty fatty fatty sausage bruh that shit that look like it you 1.00
01:12:26.900 know you know like that sausage that came off of my 700 pound afternoon or whatever the show is 1.00
01:12:33.620 give me the good stuff that hitter but that's it for me man there's some other calls that came in i'll
01:12:39.400 get to some of them next week uh i gotta go i gotta go honestly rest and i gotta go to a meeting tonight
01:12:47.120 and i'm sorry to yawn but one other thing i will say that's good in a crawfish boy's carrots i like
01:12:54.240 carrots in there and that's full circle again uh you know just thinking about my carrots like what
01:13:01.060 carrots am i gonna put in front of me that are gonna make me feel good not on the outside
01:13:07.180 because things on the outside they only feel
01:13:09.600 you can only feel things on the outside with your hands you know and i want to feel things with
01:13:16.620 the rest of me not my not not like my crotch or nothing but my my heart i want to feel things with
01:13:23.200 my feelings you know and so i want to put carrots out there that make me you know that challenge me
01:13:30.700 in different ways and we do that that's one of the things we talk about and we think about here on
01:13:34.880 this podcast and i want to thank everybody that came out in san jose i want to make sure that i did
01:13:39.800 all my responsibilities i want to thank our advertisers robin hood hair club skill shares
01:13:44.440 and uh and i just want to thank everyone i want to thank you for listening being a part of this 0.95
01:13:51.300 i'm happy to be um in your ears and i'm and i have you in my heart man and we do this shit 0.91
01:13:56.240 you know we're gonna do a lot of cool things over the years i got nice fun plans you know i have a i have
01:14:02.840 a vision that one day i'd like to be able to open up like a halfway house or in a place where people
01:14:07.660 could get some help in like half the cities where i perform so then i could what if imagine i could
01:14:13.160 go perform in a city and then have go to a meeting afterwards or go to a meeting before you know um
01:14:19.100 and just i don't know if that's true but that can be a carrot for me
01:14:23.820 you know that can be a carrot for me uh but thank you guys man thank you for everything um
01:14:30.680 be good to yourselves you know you probably deserve it and uh and let's get out of here
01:14:37.040 like we came in here man learning as we go i want to thank also my buddy harrison phillips
01:14:42.260 and that's he's part of that bill's mafia and he took us on a tour of stanford university um
01:14:48.400 their football facility and stuff this past weekend and it was awesome
01:14:51.520 you know stanford only has 7 000 undergraduate and 7 000 postgrad who are on campus at a time
01:14:58.680 about 14 15 000 students isn't that that's crazy and to think they're able to you know 0.97
01:15:03.660 compete as well athletically as they do and fuck usc that's something me and him both had in common 0.99
01:15:10.280 was we both thought fuck usc bro and i hate to finish it up on that f word but we did it man 0.99
01:15:15.520 you guys be good to yourselves man i'll see you next week and uh and you deserve it you deserve it 0.99
01:15:21.740 and i deserve it and you reminded me this week a lot of you guys for you uh just through messages
01:15:26.440 so many messages came in there's a lot of them i can't get back to and so many i just
01:15:29.740 and i don't say that in a pompous way i just can't i feel bad i can't reply to all of them
01:15:34.260 but i'll do what i can and you do what you can be good
01:15:39.020 you know that soon we're gonna die
01:15:52.520 you know that soon we're gonna die 0.76
01:16:04.520 let's have some fun while we all die 0.92
01:16:11.740 let's have some fun while we all die 0.89
01:16:32.740 so
01:16:36.240 We'll be right back.
01:17:06.240 We'll be right back.
01:17:36.240 You have three new voice messages.
01:17:41.240 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
01:17:43.740 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.
01:17:46.420 Longer than anybody else.
01:17:48.080 So great.
01:17:49.400 Hi.
01:17:50.040 Sweetie.
01:17:50.980 Here's a deal. 1.00
01:17:52.400 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00
01:17:56.320 Jermaine. 0.99
01:17:57.620 Hi.
01:17:58.460 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:18:01.380 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:18:03.480 Oh, no.
01:18:05.020 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.
01:18:08.220 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:18:12.400 Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:18:16.620 Third rule.
01:18:17.540 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube.
01:18:21.740 Yeah.
01:18:21.940 And yes, don't worry.
01:18:23.680 My Brad Pitt impression will get better.
01:18:25.440 Thank you.