This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Relationship Animals ｜ This Past Weekend #230

00:00:00.380 Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.

00:00:04.620 Gray Block Pizza, 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach in Los Angeles.

00:00:11.060 Gray Block, get that hitter, baby.

00:00:14.820 Oh, man.

00:00:17.480 You know, I was a, I was a unreasonable child.

00:00:24.700 if you'd have seen me when i was a child i was i was unreasonable

00:00:31.180 you know i'd wear a tank top sometimes in the winter

00:00:35.780 and then i'd just just just yell at people about how cold i was i'm cold 0.99

00:00:43.180 and people were like we you got a tank top on and i'd be like eat my ass buddy 0.98

00:00:50.800 so i was that kind of kid you know the kind of kid that 0.97

00:00:56.340 you know i'd wear like a little rain jacket or something in new uh

00:01:01.040 in a re-k or whatever it was uh pre-k a re-k dude i was in all the k's i was a

00:01:11.260 i was in pre-k k re-k 3k i was in three that was the i think at one point i thought it was

00:01:21.400 klu klux klan but uh but it was just continual continual kindergarten and they spelled continual

00:01:29.900 with a k but i was in there man and i'd wear you know sometime a slicker like a rain slicker you

00:01:37.060 know like that really what really should be called the the 11th wonder of the world and that rain

00:01:45.040 slicker because how it's amazing how the whole force of nature rain can be stopped by just one 0.99

00:01:53.340 layer of uh of slicker plastic but i would wear that bastard i'd wear that bright yellow bastard 0.95

00:02:03.080 We're right in the dead of summer at school, and I'd be complaining in the class. 0.96

00:02:10.180 It's hot.

00:02:10.720 It's hot as hell in here, Ms. Lois.

00:02:15.000 And they'd be like, you got a slicker on, boy.

00:02:18.140 You better get that.

00:02:20.380 It ain't even raining.

00:02:21.620 You got a slicker on. 1.00

00:02:23.420 I'd be like, eat my ass, guys. 1.00

00:02:26.600 I'm doing my best. 1.00

00:02:29.420 So I think I was just probably just an unreasonable child.

00:02:59.420 Every night I feel like a fake

00:03:03.360 I would only show

00:03:04.820 Knowing nobody would call

00:03:07.540 It was me

00:03:12.360 Every night you sleep

00:03:15.500 that is um every night by jameson flood that's a music man and uh he sent that in

00:03:34.780 a long time ago whenever this uh when the pod first kicked out when this pod first just

00:03:41.800 just was that first just you know just kind of flowed into the verse bro into that uni

00:03:50.460 i want to tell you i got some new tour dates back onto the books uh 10-4 october 4th in bethlem pa

00:04:00.820 at the wind creek event center that is back on um 10-5 now that's a saturday i will be in pittsburgh

00:04:09.580 at a theater there.

00:04:11.720 I don't have the name,

00:04:12.600 but the tickets are all

00:04:14.800 on the website,

00:04:17.360 theovon.com slash tour.

00:04:19.840 Cleveland is back on.

00:04:21.280 That's October 8th.

00:04:22.920 The 9th is Indianapolis.

00:04:24.800 The 10th is Grand Rapids.

00:04:26.820 The 11th is Detroit, Michigan.

00:04:30.020 The 12th is Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

00:04:32.340 And the 13th is Madison, Wisconsin.

00:04:36.360 And those are just one show a night.

00:04:38.080 so making some adjustments to get that get a little more calm

00:04:42.600 to get a little little bit more calm in my water you know some of the water inside of me

00:04:49.740 some of my it's just been it's been damn drastic like these hurricanes coming in they have a new

00:04:57.000 hurricane i think y'all y'all brett or something this thing who knows i don't know i will say this

00:05:04.900 If they're going to build a wall, let's build it over there on Florida and stop these.

00:05:08.180 Because some of these canes are coming in illegally.

00:05:10.300 I will say that. 0.99

00:05:12.120 A lot of canes rolling into this bastard on the IL, bro. 0.99

00:05:17.820 And that's short for illegal. 0.99

00:05:21.140 I got information here, too, man.

00:05:23.220 I'm not going to do the film in Atlanta.

00:05:28.360 I got there, did the training.

00:05:32.160 Everything was cool.

00:05:33.060 and the part was just for the amount of time commitment

00:05:38.380 and for the sacrifice of shows

00:05:41.840 and of other stuff I have going on here.

00:05:48.200 Once I saw the part, it just wasn't for me.

00:05:52.780 It was too much on the scale of,

00:05:56.980 oh, you can't be there for eight to 10 weeks

00:06:01.120 uh for this role so the role just didn't fit um you know i thought about it and talked with

00:06:12.340 you know people i trust and friends and people who are have more experience than i do

00:06:19.820 for a few days and got that you know communication i got straight communication with others

00:06:26.920 and um and that was that and then i just made that choice i talked to to uh the director

00:06:34.340 um talked to chris pratt about it and that was that uh and that was my decision

00:06:39.620 um there was no ill will there was no bad vibes um you know it was just at some point i just had

00:06:48.340 to trust my instincts it was just like oh for me right now this role you know um

00:06:55.720 and i didn't i didn't get to see the script before i went so there wasn't the opportunity

00:07:02.960 for me to see what my part was going to be and i think there was a little bit of miscommunication

00:07:09.280 um but i don't think it was anybody's fault uh and and that was that i'm thankful that i was able to

00:07:18.480 decommit without causing any problems and i'm grateful that i even you know was considered

00:07:28.380 and that i even had the opportunity um to do it you know i think there's some parts about it that

00:07:35.060 i'll miss out on doing you know but it was just the time commitment for uh the stuff for this

00:07:43.180 for the role for what the role ended up being for me wasn't it just didn't work for me it didn't

00:07:51.500 work for me um and some people will be like well you know you i mean you got to take it it's a

00:07:58.560 movie but you know i have a lot i mean i have uh you know i already have enough kind of

00:08:03.440 responsibilities going on and um and that was it that was just a choice i had to trust my instincts

00:08:09.500 you know i had to trust my instincts and that was uh and that was it so i'm bummed man i had you

00:08:16.180 know i had visions in my head of eating hot dogs and stuff with uh with christopher pratt's and

00:08:22.240 doing you know maybe you know having a second hot dog or sitting and chatting and you know

00:08:29.600 conversations going well we're talking about baseball or something or having a couple peanuts

00:08:33.940 or something and i had you know visions like that in my head you know us doing something

00:08:40.560 maybe going to a i don't know doing you know throwing coins in a wishing well or something

00:08:49.620 and just hoping for the best or you know maybe you know maybe um i had visions of us maybe uh

00:08:59.720 you know driving in like a jeep or something but nothing wild or anything nothing sexual or

00:09:06.180 anything like that i just had you know fun ideas in my head you know or maybe us you know doing

00:09:11.760 you know nothing crazy but just looking for you know maybe looking at art or something you know

00:09:18.080 somewhere or um you know or maybe throwing those uh circus peanuts those beautiful little you know

00:09:26.340 orange you know soft hard hitters throwing those into each other's mouths and stuff from kind of

00:09:31.860 close range but then getting further and further apart you know you know until it got too dark out

00:09:37.040 to see them and throw them back and forth and catch them in your mouths but oh but but you know

00:09:43.540 that's that and and you know i yeah i know that like if i get to be in a film or something it's

00:09:51.040 not going to be you know it isn't in my movie you know um but i do want to be able to be in a role

00:09:59.900 where i feel like i can at least do some stuff that you get that my personality maybe works well

00:10:07.920 in um and yeah and this wasn't anybody's fault it was just sort of just kind of you know i just

00:10:18.040 had to trust my instincts and stuff once i once i was able to you know read the part and look at it

00:10:24.140 and i still think christopher pratt's probably one of the top

00:10:27.340 you know 15 or maybe i don't know you know 18 or even probably i don't know i bet he'd be on

00:10:37.000 god's fantasy team though and so you know that's all good and communication was there was a upfront

00:10:45.160 communication and um and yeah hopefully there'll be maybe be some other opportunities uh we'll see

00:10:52.260 you know uh but that you know i just had to kind of trust my instincts

00:10:55.820 and we and and and if i sound down right now well it's because

00:11:04.020 drew breeze got hurt man he got hurt

00:11:11.820 and you know you could just and it's so funny i was watching the game and the saint this uh

00:11:19.380 new orleans saints and the los angeles rams who most people even have not even heard of that team

00:11:26.820 but they were going at it and it was exciting right in the beginning and and then drew breeze

00:11:34.980 got hurt and it was so funny i would have rather watched when the camera would cut to him you got

00:11:40.040 to see somebody you know here he is he's 40 years old and and the injury looks kind of like it could

00:11:45.800 be bad you know he couldn't even pick up a football and it just uh he couldn't even grip that freaking 0.99

00:11:51.840 pig that little that little you know deceased brown pig isn't it crazy that a football is a pig 0.99

00:11:58.860 that it used to be a pig and now it's just you know they cut off the head and tied off the ends 0.98

00:12:04.220 of it and put those white you know tried to kind of give it some white stitches or something by the

00:12:09.180 liver and now they're throwing it around man i mean this you know we think we're so far removed

00:12:16.540 from um what is it called uh not the ice age or something but um bestiality no um you know we

00:12:30.600 think we're so far removed from i don't know what it's called neolithic the neopale uh old

00:12:39.120 days the old days let's agree with that we think we're so far removed from the old days but then

00:12:45.000 here you see you know a bunch of guys throwing around that um just throwing around that 0.83

00:12:51.800 that little ripped up swine chunk and you're like damn we are we are still we are a little

00:13:00.840 bit stuck in the past you know uh but uh what was i talking about but yeah but drew breeze got hurt 0.94

00:13:07.320 And at some point I was enjoying, not enjoying, but I was, there was more, every time the

00:13:12.800 camera cut to him, man, it was just so much, it was more entertaining than the game because

00:13:17.500 I was watching this man who had, you know, this was a man who had the world on his back

00:13:23.700 and who you could tell how, just how determined he was and how focused he was in every game.

00:13:29.620 You can tell it like he's playing the game, but he's also playing this bigger game, like

00:13:36.080 what he's doing right now always seems like just a move in a grander scheme of his life

00:13:43.600 like he and he's able to do both at the same time it always seems like um and you were just seeing

00:13:51.140 him just how limited he was by the circle by the by the moment you know you could see him and he

00:13:57.380 couldn't and how limited he was by his vessel by his own body he couldn't grip that hand he

00:14:03.060 couldn't clothe that hand up and he couldn't grip a football and he couldn't express himself

00:14:09.020 you know when you started to just see a man that was limited by

00:14:14.120 you know it's like even whatever that desire that fire inside of us that that want you know

00:14:22.840 where it's all limited a little bit by the reality by the actuality of what's going on

00:14:30.720 by circumstance and man that was a much greater game to me was just seeing the look in his

00:14:36.800 eyes the mental game that was going on inside of him trying to hold his composure and trying

00:14:44.320 to trying to almost in the moment find out who he was when suddenly he was

00:14:55.980 is when suddenly the path he had been on

00:15:02.320 came to an abrupt,

00:15:07.180 like there weren't any more,

00:15:08.280 there was no more path for,

00:15:10.460 it just came to like a cul-de-sac.

00:15:13.740 And you were trying,

00:15:14.740 he had just so much energy,

00:15:16.080 so many people behind him,

00:15:17.440 I mean, so many Saints fans,

00:15:19.240 you saw him winning a championship again.

00:15:21.640 You saw him, you know,

00:15:22.900 you already had these visions of him

00:15:24.100 like hugging his kids again 1.00

00:15:25.400 under the, uh, whatever that is, um, paper, the paper, the little paper rain, um, fuck 1.00

00:15:37.280 man, my brain is stalled out, dude, what is my brain, a Datsun, this shit is, shit needs 0.99

00:15:43.920 oil, um, but you saw him stalled out, the confetti, you saw, you know, and you just 1.00

00:15:49.260 saw, and suddenly everything stopped, man, all of it, it just, and you saw him trying

00:15:55.020 to find out for a month or that's what I saw I saw a man struggling to know who he was

00:15:59.460 at this moment when the world had taken you know a different a different turn you know when

00:16:07.420 when the reality that whatever we want always isn't what's going to happen or that things

00:16:14.940 aren't going to work out perfectly or that when reality strikes you know and man and it broke

00:16:21.660 your heart as a fan it broke your heart as a human i feel like to see someone with so much

00:16:26.740 capability and so many people who look up to him or look at him as a figure of direction an example

00:16:33.200 and suddenly he uh you see him come almost even though he didn't put himself into the atmosphere

00:16:41.300 you see him um and and and i and i did i put him up in the atmosphere i put him up you see him come

00:16:48.600 back down to earth and it's uh i don't know it was man it was it was hectic man that was a hectic

00:16:56.680 moment um we got some we got we got look today you know i know that we've been you know we've

00:17:05.440 had a couple of guys recently uh that have called in the young fellow who had the surprise baby

00:17:11.040 dude that's got i mean well we're gonna check in with those people you know we're gonna give

00:17:17.500 that ring-a-ling and see what's cracking over there in their hood especially that surprised

00:17:22.200 baby boy like that's what i'm saying who is it what's going on here knock knock who's there and

00:17:30.080 then ta-da you know gestation they got that baby that hitter that zygote that's got to be crazy

00:17:38.900 if you think you know you just you screw you so we're going to find out how that all went down

00:17:45.420 because that fellow just didn't know they were having a baby.

00:17:48.420 And we will get into a call also.

00:17:52.460 I'm going to give a call over to the big dog himself, Mr. Drippy Mitts.

00:17:56.700 And that boy had that water hand, and he had that unique water hand.

00:18:01.180 And so we're going to get into some of that and just see what's going on.

00:18:05.620 We had a call that came in, and I'll get to that in just a second.

00:18:10.200 I just want to let you know we've got to pay the bill.

00:18:14.240 You know it.

00:18:15.420 The hiring process can be slow.

00:18:19.560 And you know that if you're trying to hire somebody and they come by the house and they, you know, they, I remember sometime they park in your yard. 0.99

00:18:28.840 You're not getting a job if you parked on my fucking azaleas, bro. 0.99

00:18:32.520 You out. 1.00

00:18:34.320 You know, I remember one time my mom was hiring somebody to do something in the house, fix the, uh, the cabinet had fallen down because my brother and I put a little bit of fire in it, actually. 0.84

00:18:43.840 and uh and this and this fellow fucking him and his buddy camped out in our yard for like a week 0.97

00:18:51.580 and a half and never did the work either so pieces of shit but anyway hiring can be a slow process 0.99

00:19:00.300 well cafe altura's coo dylan michowitz needed to hire a director of coffee for his organic coffee 0.98

00:19:09.320 company but he was having trouble finding qualified applicants so he switched to zip recruiter zip

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00:19:34.000 his job on zip recruiter and said he was impressed by how quickly he had great candidates apply

00:19:39.460 And that's how Dylan found his new director of coffee in just a few days.

00:19:43.540 With results like that, it's no wonder four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter

00:19:48.380 get a quality candidate within the first day.

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00:20:02.900 That's ZipRecruiter.com slash TPW.

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00:20:09.980 ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

00:20:15.100 We got some great calls that came in.

00:20:17.860 And let's do it.

00:20:19.340 This is the last ad, and then we're going to get it through this.

00:20:21.860 This episode also, look, if you need to find somebody to work for you,

00:20:25.680 you got ZipRecruiter, okay?

00:20:27.740 If you need a skill to take to an employer, you got Skillshare.

00:20:34.360 Skillshare, boy, think about something you could do.

00:20:36.160 learn how to make a nice mole you know or mole or whatever you know what i'm talking about the

00:20:40.620 sauce you never order at the mexican place because you don't know how to say it and some people risk

00:20:46.660 thinking it's actual mole people are like damn i'm not eating mole you know i have a little cut

00:20:51.660 of owl but i ain't having any mole boy you know no mole for me skillshare is an online learning 0.71

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00:21:24.200 could do it now first you need the skill hey what's up when you got the skill no well you can

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00:21:41.960 podcast get two months of skillshare for free that's right skillshare is offering this past

00:21:48.060 weekend listeners two months of unlimited access to over 25 000 classes for free to sign up go to

00:21:53.780 Skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn.

00:21:56.740 Again, go to Skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn to start your two months now.

00:22:01.920 That's Skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn.

00:22:08.220 Yeah, we have some calls that have come in.

00:22:10.260 We got a lot, you know, and I listen to all of them this weekend.

00:22:13.960 And thank you.

00:22:16.020 A lot of them, some of them is real dirty.

00:22:18.160 One guy doing just doing gas, doing body gas into the, you know, receiver.

00:22:24.600 One guy tickling somebody in his truck.

00:22:28.200 Dude.

00:22:30.440 And actually, you know what?

00:22:31.580 Thank you for that one.

00:22:32.260 That was actually probably one of the better ones.

00:22:35.080 But a lot of great calls that came in.

00:22:37.740 And so we will.

00:22:39.420 And let's get into a couple of those right now.

00:22:42.160 As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503.

00:22:47.480 And then I'm going to make a few calls of my own to some of some of the recent calls that have come in and get some follow up.

00:22:56.320 Let's get into this one, gang.

00:22:58.740 Hey, Theo Vaughn, this is Zachary Chileno calling from Cincinnati.

00:23:02.940 What's up, Zachary?

00:23:04.300 And a friend of mine actually over there in Cincinnati, he had a couple milkshakes one time and this was late at night.

00:23:10.300 and they had two sisters out there this one lady this urban uh you know this beautiful urban lady 0.99

00:23:17.320 named uh i think vasectomy i think was her name actually an exotic dancer vasectomy harper and

00:23:25.380 anyway she and this other lady were fist fighting one night in cincinnati and he went over there to

00:23:31.200 make a video of him and his pants fell down because he was kind of chubby and you know and

00:23:37.280 i guess that doesn't matter that he was chubby his pants didn't his pants first of all they 0.99

00:23:44.020 were shorts so they weren't pants and they just he just dressed like shit this man gary was his 0.98

00:23:50.580 name and so anyway his pants hit the floor and uh and he was video recording the ladies and 0.99

00:23:58.080 vasectomy and this other lady really came over and beat his ass and he tried to keep the milkshakes 0.99

00:24:01.900 without spilling them the whole time while he was getting beaten and uh and that should be a damn 0.99

00:24:08.260 olympic sport you know just just you know just riding leche if you got two you know handfuls of 0.55

00:24:15.080 you know the beautiful little sweet leche liquids and you got a couple of sisters a couple of you 1.00

00:24:22.820 know a couple of wild ladies beating that ass and you got to see you know try and keep as much 0.99

00:24:28.100 a shake as you can in the cup and maybe it could be called um cup that shake and you got to keep 1.00

00:24:34.400 as much as you can and they can only beat you for like a certain amount of time but anyway uh thank

00:24:39.180 you for calling onward and i was just trying to see if you had any advice on getting of your first

00:24:44.120 love honestly i was 18 when i first met this girl and now i'm 20 and she was my first everything

00:24:51.220 first girlfriend first love we had gotten a dog together and everything i thought

00:24:56.540 we were in it for the long run you know

00:24:58.540 and she finally broke up with me

00:25:00.720 oh you got that dog together

00:25:02.600 this is something that's going on

00:25:06.840 these days uh this is

00:25:08.780 something that is going on a relationship

00:25:10.980 animal and you gotta

00:25:12.940 shut it down

00:25:13.780 if it's a real type of animal 1.00

00:25:16.600 if it's a fish dude or you and your girl

00:25:18.720 you know y'all split a cricket or something

00:25:21.040 you know where y'all go half

00:25:22.760 she's on a little oyster you know

00:25:24.580 or a lizard bro that's fine

00:25:26.360 but once you go and get a puppy or something that can really look at you and maybe remember a little 0.99

00:25:31.560 bit of shit you know a strong mouse or whatever you're creating havoc within the nk brother the 0.99

00:25:38.720 nature kingdom because you because you got a joint animal now you got the animal she's got the animal 1.00

00:25:44.180 y'all split up what is that now he's doing what now he's all scared he starts wetting the bed at

00:25:49.660 night. You know, he hears y'all arguing in the kitchen and shit. You know, he starts eating 1.00

00:25:57.840 alone at school. You know, he starts going home with other animals that he's not even really

00:26:02.300 interested in. You know, he starts hiding under the bed. He starts, you know, he sees y'all going

00:26:07.080 y'all separate ways. You know, it's just if you get a relationship animal, it's dangerous. You

00:26:12.320 know, now you got an American water spaniel or whatever. He thinks it's his fault. You know,

00:26:18.360 he doesn't you know he quits uh you know he's staying up late at night and reading you know

00:26:24.420 reading scary novels you know you if a relationship animal it's just it's not that you can't put that

00:26:31.100 kind of pressure on an animal if you don't know you're married to the person or whatever bring

00:26:35.460 your own animals into a relationship you don't get an animal once you're together now all that

00:26:41.500 it just it's too much on that animal's back you know now you got you know next thing you know

00:26:47.440 you got a raccoon out there he's vaping by the recycling bin because he can't handle his emotions

00:26:52.280 because he doesn't know you know who still cares about him you know sure your little parakeet's

00:26:57.180 getting two christmases now but it just i think the the risks of of it outweigh the reward

00:27:08.440 yeah and these relationship animals they're the two owners they start fighting and they start

00:27:13.740 giving both of them are giving the animal a treat oh here i got a treat for you you love me you love

00:27:18.880 danny don't you and then oh i got a treat for you you love sandra and then the animal doesn't know

00:27:24.340 what to do it's just treat it out now it's all hopped up on treats it's gained 30 40 pounds 0.97

00:27:29.280 the next thing you know is down there at the damn methadone clinic so it's just you can't don't get 0.96

00:27:36.100 a relationship animal just that's really all all that place is going to be is just a cul-de-sac 0.99

00:27:41.820 where you and your partner just drive by 0.99

00:27:44.500 and just throw y'all's fucking problems 1.00

00:27:46.020 out into the street. 1.00

00:27:47.280 That's all that relationship animal is.

00:27:49.660 So if you're going to get an animal,

00:27:51.000 get an animal for yourself. 0.86

00:27:52.960 Don't get this little halfway house, 1.00

00:27:55.480 you know, living creature 1.00

00:27:57.260 that both you guys are just using

00:27:59.280 passively, aggressively towards one another.

00:28:03.680 Don't get it because all you're really getting

00:28:06.500 is just a little passive aggressive pet

00:28:08.220 where you guys are just sending it this way

00:28:09.980 and sending it that way.

00:28:11.060 you know just a little paul revere or whatever yeah next and next thing you know it's lashing

00:28:15.720 out you know it's at the parakeet park or whatever at a dog park you know it's biting other things 0.94

00:28:21.000 it's fucking stealing fruit or something over by the um vons or by the um you know it's stealing 0.98

00:28:27.180 fruit over there by the win dixie it's just you don't do it you know it's just you're better than 0.99

00:28:35.820 that you are better than that and this animal deserves better and it'll start thinking if it's

00:28:40.880 if it's his fault you know you'll see sometimes some of these you know these animals these

00:28:45.380 relationship animals and they're out there you'll see them over there i see them off at a 101 at

00:28:50.840 night sometimes you know kicking a can down the side of the interstate you know just

00:28:55.420 just i don't know i think there's just better ways to go about it that's what i would say

00:29:03.940 but anyway i'm really rambling onward 0.89

00:29:06.780 she's going back and sleeping with her ex 0.93

00:29:10.740 and can't even 1.00

00:29:12.400 think of another girl

00:29:14.180 well now you could do this 0.99

00:29:16.880 dude if she's sleeping with her ex you could put 1.00

00:29:18.720 a little listening device a little LD 1.00

00:29:20.880 on that

00:29:22.340 on that animal 1.00

00:29:24.420 so suddenly that little bastard has a 0.99

00:29:28.800 you know a purpose in the world again 1.00

00:29:30.480 cause he's probably feeling

00:29:32.860 like nobody cares about him right now

00:29:34.600 um but anyway man let me quit thinking about that aspect of this and and try and uh listen

00:29:40.780 to more what's going on with you brother onward and i just don't know what to do man it's just

00:29:45.200 hard to get over someone whenever you're first you know just really confused on what to do so

00:29:50.040 if you had any advice that'd be really really appreciated yeah thanks for the call man the

00:29:56.100 suggestion you know i was talking about this last week a little uh that that first love that's that

00:30:01.500 first that's that hot hose hit you know it's like drinking off that hose in the summer

00:30:07.320 you know that house hose that outdoor water spout and it hurts man because that's the crazy thing

00:30:16.620 about a heart a heart really it's like a hand brush it feels you know and your heart just gets

00:30:24.460 so used to just feeling somebody it's almost like they're in there and then when they're gone it's

00:30:31.720 like man there's this piece of your heart that you you just it's not it's not you can't feel

00:30:38.000 them in there anymore that hurts uh the saddest thing is time a lot of it's just going to be time

00:30:44.660 and one joy in it or one thing that's positive is that at least you have that at least you care

00:30:52.700 at least you know that you can care about others you can love others you got that ability to um

00:30:58.460 you got those uh what is it called those pulmonary capabilities

00:31:03.380 because if you if you're the person who your girlfriend leaves you don't give a damn

00:31:08.200 you just start doing construction or whatever and you know people start going missing in your town 0.93

00:31:14.080 then that's different then you are you're violent you're a dark dark angel but that's not you man

00:31:22.300 you know you're somebody that has some feelings and uh and i'm sorry man i'm sorry you're going 0.98

00:31:27.780 through that because yeah it sucks you know my first girlfriend i put i put these motherly 0.97

00:31:32.700 qualities on her and so when she left me or when she when we left me fuck we were children dude 0.97

00:31:38.740 i mean jesus christ it's not like i mean both of us if we actually wanted to leave somewhere 0.63

00:31:42.940 we had to have our parents pick us up but when uh when we when we went our separate ways uh

00:31:50.440 you know i felt i remember i even remember um

00:31:57.460 i remember saying i remember you i was saying you can't leave me you know you are my mom that's

00:32:04.160 what i remember telling her that's crazy that's how bent out i was emotionally

00:32:07.560 you know because i just attached all these feelings that i'd never had a place to really

00:32:13.220 attach them that much i had attached them to this girl and uh and time helps man

00:32:20.700 And don't do anything drastic.

00:32:22.700 Don't do anything crazy.

00:32:24.100 Don't hide on her porch or anything like that. 0.99

00:32:26.860 And don't be out there, you know, by the garbage and looking for shit or, you know, just bypass all of that. 0.99

00:32:35.200 You know, sometimes, dude, sometimes you got to stand on the sidelines and still look like a man, even though you know things have changed. 0.99

00:32:42.700 you know the you know just like drew breeze man the day that the druzik died the day 0.98

00:32:51.540 the druzik died that's that's an old song nobody even knows that shit whatever dude 0.99

00:33:00.240 uh but i'm sorry bro tighten up dude g up don't start masturbating and doing all that don't look 0.99

00:33:07.280 to pornography hold the line you can do it go get a drew breeze jersey and get back out there bucko 0.99

00:33:15.160 because i think you got this but don't put all this pressure on that animal you know don't be

00:33:21.680 over there you know trying to ask the animal you know beating on the aquarium asking what it heard

00:33:27.320 you know was she having guys over and the animal you know he's just like 0.98

00:33:32.460 so just don't whatever kind of animal y'all got a snake or something don't fucking write 0.99

00:33:40.200 dirty messages on the side of the snake and let it loose on her side of the apartment or whatever 1.00

00:33:44.420 you know you know the the world ends tonight she sees that you know sees y'all's pet run by or

00:33:53.240 something with a little sign on its back if you got a little uh you know australian shepherd or

00:33:57.860 whatever just be a man there's a way to be a man and go through this man uh write a country song 0.99

00:34:04.700 listen to country dog get some plug tobacco and drive out in the distance and fucking cry into a 0.96

00:34:09.520 stranger's ditch bro if you want to know what i really did and that's what i did man dude i used 0.98

00:34:17.120 to fucking i remember i would be out there i was working on a farm over there outside of natchez 0.95

00:34:23.200 in Mississippi, and I would, dude, I would get a big plug of tobacco until my whole face 0.99

00:34:27.840 burned, and I had an unnatural reaction, so my face would turn real red when I would 0.99

00:34:35.040 do plug tobacco, and goddamn, I looked like a, I mean, my shit was so fucking red, I looked 0.99

00:34:42.480 like a newborn i look like a damn tall newborn with some overalls on and uh and yeah i would 0.99

00:34:55.440 just do so much fucking tobacco and sometimes i would swallow it i was so angry that me and 0.99

00:35:00.400 this girl had broken up i would swallow a big chunk of it and just vomit off the back of that 0.99

00:35:05.660 tractor so but you can do it man you keep your head up bro i promise you man you're gonna have

00:35:15.060 you know there's gonna be other opportunities for other love around the corner men and different

00:35:20.440 types of love you're gonna love other people differently um but that that first suck off 0.86

00:35:26.420 that nectarine bro that first you know god dang boy especially if you're young bro you know when 0.99

00:35:34.340 And you can be sober and have sex, too, when you're young, bro. 0.99

00:35:37.100 Sober sex is for children. 0.99

00:35:39.560 And I've always said that, dude. 1.00

00:35:40.880 If you see some too sober adults, fucking, bro, that shit is. 1.00

00:35:47.860 I want to throw three or four dollars in a church basket after that because something. 1.00

00:35:54.900 It's just something.

00:35:56.260 It's an awkward.

00:35:58.300 That's a tough deal.

00:36:00.280 That's a par 30 right there, brother.

00:36:02.540 um all right what do we got here actually this call came in man let me throw this

00:36:07.520 in your ear right here here we go hey what up theo this is brett uh from california i'm just

00:36:14.800 calling in because i'm hyped man i just went out on a date i guess you could say with a girl that

00:36:22.100 i went to high school with you know i'm like 26 now so things are a bit different but man this is

00:36:30.380 one of those girls i always looked at you know saw pictures on the internet or whatever it would 0.99

00:36:35.080 just be like way out of my league yeah oh man i remember one time there was this girl nicole was

00:36:43.740 her name and uh dude she liked me one time i found out and i got high and i ate some mushrooms and

00:36:51.520 actually jumped over a fence at a party right when she gave me her number and ripped my hand open

00:36:56.260 ripped uh had to go to the emergency room but um but after that i kind of settled down and i asked

00:37:02.300 her on it to a dance and she went with me and afterwards bruh we're at my buddy's apartment

00:37:09.020 or his house his parents house and he lived down in a lower portion of their house they had a lower

00:37:14.700 portion and he lived there and i was down there with her and she let me you know and she had on 1.00

00:37:22.900 a skirt dude and I got it right up it kind of she was sitting on a pool table and that's not 0.74

00:37:29.040 like a water table it's not like a I don't know people it's like a pool table you know for the

00:37:34.000 game pool with the stick and the balls I'm not thinking of the game of uh it's not like a pool

00:37:38.980 like a swimming pool um yeah it's not like that it's not like a small pool you could eat off of

00:37:45.400 it's like a game and they had it indoors and she's sitting on there dude and she had on these uh

00:37:50.840 well she had on panties bro unders you know and dude and when you're young bro you get your hands 0.65

00:37:57.180 up near a girl's legs bro everything my neck was turning in circles bro my tongue kept just flip

00:38:03.580 flip flopping back and forth over my mouth like a fish on the dock because i was just so nervous

00:38:10.420 dude and i got too nervous to make the move on her and i always regretted that because i've you 1.00

00:38:18.240 know i've hooked up with some real you know some i've hooked up with some some decent looking ladies 0.97

00:38:24.040 and some real you know kind of chicks you might meet by the interstate and uh but damn i never 1.00

00:38:34.160 ever i've never i always regretted that my god and she had these hips boy like these kind of brown 1.00

00:38:42.300 kind of like beige 0.84

00:38:44.840 kind of looked like somebody just kind of

00:38:46.920 cooked her legs and butter a little bit 0.95

00:38:48.780 just beautiful skin tone 1.00

00:38:50.200 god damn she had those buttery 1.00

00:38:52.920 just 1.00

00:38:53.440 fucking hitters boy 1.00

00:38:56.060 and I still think about her 1.00

00:38:58.720 sometimes man I still sometimes close my

00:39:00.840 eyes and just want to 1.00

00:39:01.840 just bite the ass cheeks 1.00

00:39:04.800 off that little beautiful falcon 1.00

00:39:06.800 bro onward 0.85

00:39:07.560 she is way too out of my league 0.98

00:39:09.840 but I

00:39:11.740 I don't know, man.

00:39:14.280 I just shot my shot and took her out today and had the best time ever. 0.63

00:39:18.520 Dang.

00:39:19.300 And now I'm feeling like I should go for it again.

00:39:22.220 But at the same time, I'm a bit pensive because I'm intimidated, I guess, by her attractiveness.

00:39:30.820 And at the same time, I don't know, we get along really well.

00:39:36.200 So I guess I'm tripping.

00:39:38.040 I don't know, man.

00:39:39.440 I'm just calling to see what you think about it.

00:39:41.740 I'm not trying to brag.

00:39:42.960 I'm just trying to get a little input on how I should approach it from here on out.

00:39:47.180 Gang, bro, I like your attitude, man.

00:39:48.860 It doesn't sound like you're trying to brag.

00:39:50.800 So I like that you have that awareness, though, to try and think about that.

00:39:54.760 That's a nice gift.

00:39:55.700 Some people don't have that.

00:39:58.120 You know, I think a lot of it, some of it's going to be out of your control.

00:40:02.780 You can only control what you can control.

00:40:05.120 So how she behaves, there's nothing you can really do to affect that,

00:40:09.600 especially if you're trying to be on the up and up.

00:40:11.740 if you're not trying to trick her or something so a problem i did i mean i can only relate in

00:40:18.620 the ways that i errors that i made i put a woman on a pedestal i'll put her way up here

00:40:23.280 on cloud 60 or whatever and i should have had her on cloud three or whatever by me 0.99

00:40:27.720 so then that way on cloud three i can communicate with her like a you know just like a peer instead

00:40:34.340 of communicating her with her like this you know thing that i had built her up so much in my head

00:40:39.960 that I was afraid to even talk to her.

00:40:42.860 So I would just put her on a level

00:40:43.920 where you can communicate with her, keep her there.

00:40:46.560 And I would be honest,

00:40:49.360 but I would just kind of just take it easy.

00:40:52.640 You know, slow and steady wins the race always.

00:40:55.760 Because what if she's not ready right now today,

00:40:58.480 but then you're laying the groundwork for later.

00:41:01.760 You just don't want to burn the bridge.

00:41:06.600 You know, you don't want to burn the bridge

00:41:08.500 while there's, before somebody puts bacon on it or whatever.

00:41:16.040 You know what I'm saying?

00:41:17.140 So yeah, I would just take it easy, man.

00:41:20.460 If you're not sure if you should do something, don't do it.

00:41:24.160 Talk with a buddy.

00:41:27.260 But take it easy, man.

00:41:29.720 And then, yeah, next time you take her out, do something fun.

00:41:31.940 Do something exciting.

00:41:32.820 Do something that's kind of cool.

00:41:35.280 And be confident about whatever you're going to do.

00:41:37.060 and if she brushes you off or something then that's okay and if she doesn't then that's okay

00:41:43.160 too either way you're good uh we had some calls that came in man i want to i want to i want to

00:41:50.140 buzz a couple of these you know because just the baby we got cam we got will we got the

00:41:55.960 you know we had the magical baby some guy his wife um well let's start right there

00:42:02.660 we had this uh this fella let's listen to a little bit of the call that came in

00:42:08.900 because his wife had a child and they didn't know about it i don't know if you ever heard

00:42:14.300 a surprise baby story but the day after the fourth of july we had a baby boy and we had

00:42:20.000 no idea that was coming she took some tests back in november all came back not pregnant she was

00:42:25.660 having her cycle fourth of july she thought she was constipated all day long i was driving around

00:42:32.020 going to go to a pool party listening to king and the sting and you know she said she thought she

00:42:37.940 was constipated didn't feel good so we were gonna go to the er together and she ended up going home

00:42:43.460 going to sleep so i was waiting to get that call she wanted to go but i never got a call went by

00:42:47.740 her apartment car was gone called the hospital said they were getting uh she was getting transported

00:42:53.740 there and came by her dad was outside waiting for me saying i was gonna be a daddy i remember one 0.85

00:42:59.360 time i was all fucked up i ordered a pizza and didn't know right i forgot so me a little bit 0.90

00:43:05.660 later this person shows up and they're pissed dude because they tried they've been knocking 0.99

00:43:09.460 at the door for like 30 minutes bro so this motherfucker broke a bunch of plant pots on my 0.99

00:43:14.780 porch um and and i mean i got the pizza but you know it was just it was horrible bro i never 0.99

00:43:23.820 i just it was stupid but um anyway they you know you got so anyway yeah sometimes maybe you'll get 0.93

00:43:32.200 an errant pizza you know you get that surprise pie but rarely do you get a human that drops 0.96

00:43:38.920 into your life that you got to care about forever unexpectedly so let's check in with mike right

00:43:46.860 here hello big mike hey what's up man what's up man this is theo vaughn dude how are you today

00:43:55.420 hey good how you doing i'm doing good would you think it was another baby calling

00:44:00.100 no no no not that hopefully not wouldn't that be crazy bro that would be crazy man i don't

00:44:10.040 really know what i would expect after that i was scared it was gonna be twins

00:44:12.820 dude that's so wild man how was uh tell me about the baby i want to know because you guys had that

00:44:20.440 surprise baby you guys weren't expecting it right no we weren't expecting him at all i didn't know

00:44:25.860 he was coming to about three hours before he was born um i mean he's about twice the size he was

00:44:33.220 born now he has two months shots a couple days ago he's almost 12 pounds and he came out about

00:44:40.040 six pounds he was tiny man um could like fit under my forearm he was probably like a week

00:44:46.540 premature oh yeah she only weighs like my wife only weighs well she was my girlfriend at the time 0.95

00:44:51.880 but uh she only weighs about like 130 125 pounds like she's not a big girl man so 1.00

00:44:58.520 um she only gained about maybe eight nine pounds with the baby so i just thought man she was just

00:45:05.040 getting a belly you know what i mean oh yeah dude winter's coming y'all are getting a no eat y'all

00:45:09.800 you know you kind of know each other by now so so i mean i asked my brother and my dad i was like

00:45:16.500 how do i how i tell my girlfriend like you know she's getting she's getting a bit of a belly on

00:45:22.500 and they were like you don't say anything so i didn't i mean i didn't say nothing i was sneaking

00:45:28.060 little hands like hey like i'm going to the gym tonight like you want to you want to come run the

00:45:33.060 elliptical with me or something like or hey like and that's your child the whole time that's the

00:45:39.220 she's getting jacked with your son yeah exactly like i mean a week before he was born we were

00:45:48.900 in ashville and we were went on a three mile hike in the mountains and yeah dang this almost

00:45:59.020 sounds biblical now baby you're getting out there into the hills dude i was just i was just glad he

00:46:04.960 wasn't born at that time and you didn't know you didn't know we had no idea man i mean her stomach

00:46:12.640 was hard you know but like i just we'd be cuddling at night and stuff and i'd have my hand around i

00:46:18.620 mean nothing ever kicked i mean she was getting her period every month still like she took a

00:46:24.460 couple tests back in november and they all came back like not pregnant she would get sick every

00:46:29.920 You know, man, we'd go to like, I mean, we'd go out, you know, like I'm 24, she's 23.

00:46:34.940 Yeah, so you guys went out to the bars and everything, huh?

00:46:37.300 Yeah, we'd go out to like the bars.

00:46:38.960 Hey, man, dude, I want to meet this baby, bro. 0.99

00:46:41.300 This baby likes to fucking go ham, son. 0.99

00:46:43.780 I like it. 1.00

00:46:45.660 He's done some shit. 1.00

00:46:46.760 She's only 130 pounds? 1.00

00:46:48.700 Because honestly, bro, I think everybody thought she was fat. 0.73

00:46:52.720 No, man, because like even my grandmother. 0.96

00:46:54.320 Because how do you get a sneaky baby?

00:46:55.800 You know what I'm saying? 0.78

00:46:56.440 Look, we've all, we all got fat, man. 1.00

00:46:58.080 And I got a huge, my ass has two big, you know, I have huge ass. 1.00

00:47:02.620 But, yeah, I can't believe, I mean, that's what, you know, in everybody's mind, 1.00

00:47:07.580 you think of a larger lady not knowing that they got that baby in them.

00:47:13.220 No, exactly, man. 0.98

00:47:14.060 She's not a big girl. 1.00

00:47:15.680 She's a tiny woman. 1.00

00:47:17.540 How do you hide a baby in a tiny woman, dude? 0.99

00:47:19.760 This is almost like, you know, Siegfried and Roy or something. 0.99

00:47:24.040 nice yes she has uh she has something called endometriosis and what the doctors think is

00:47:32.740 um she would bleed sometimes and they think that he was hiding in the fallopian tube yeah

00:47:39.640 yeah he was like in some like hiding under a cyst or something in her stomach so that's why

00:47:45.980 like her stomach didn't grow out really bro he's a real snake this little limb after huh

00:47:52.200 now he is man he is and they had about they had about 12 15 nurses in the way in like the

00:48:00.340 the birthing room with us because they didn't know what was gonna happen man nobody knew

00:48:04.420 what was gonna happen i mean all they could tell us was that he has a heart like he has a heartbeat

00:48:09.420 i didn't even know he was a boy until he came out wow i was just that whole two hours man i'll be

00:48:15.320 honest with you i was just freaking out on how he would come out like healthy wise yeah i bet i can

00:48:20.940 only imagine at that point you're like Jesus so you went from not even knowing you were having a

00:48:24.800 baby to by that night you were a father yes sir I uh he was born at one the morning on July 5th 0.98

00:48:35.160 so he was almost a fourth of July baby but he uh he waited about an hour damn man jeepers dude yeah 0.95

00:48:45.340 it sounds like he was getting caught up into something he's hiding out in his mom he's showing 0.64

00:48:49.560 up right at you know after midnight on the fourth of july it sounds like he's really looking for

00:48:56.900 trouble no exactly exactly exactly and what's his name now did you guys give him a name or what is

00:49:04.760 it yeah his name is uh monroe emerson bayhue he's named after uh he's actually not really named that

00:49:12.080 for anybody man we have a little tradition in my family with guys we do an m the first name e for

00:49:17.500 the middle name and like an hour before he was born we were just writing down ideas on a white

00:49:22.900 board and some of the nurses were helping us out we just crossed off the ones that she liked and

00:49:26.880 the next day when a little pregnancy brain was gone we just kind of just picked the one she

00:49:31.500 liked and that's the one she liked the most wow monroe so so y'all didn't have a um y'all didn't

00:49:38.520 have a like a crib or anything at home for him bro we had we had nothing bro jesus christ

00:49:45.620 we didn't even have a car seat to leave with man they had they made us go we had to get a car seat 0.55

00:49:53.240 because he was a premature baby yeah premature nation bro shout out to all the prematures too

00:49:58.180 dude those people don't get any respect man gang gang nick said exactly exactly he uh they had to

00:50:05.700 do a car seat test they had to take him for a couple hours uh ride around a car with him make 0.93

00:50:10.520 sure his heart rate wouldn't go up or anything damn that's like when the police when you go ride 0.58

00:50:14.560 with the police or whatever and see him get uh get people exactly exactly so he's just wading

00:50:21.040 into the world and how's he doing now he's doing good man he's completely healthy he's got a big 0.92

00:50:26.900 ass head um he's got in that high percentile head got a little little chubby but i mean he was small 0.71

00:50:33.180 man but like they say he's perfectly healthy now amen um he got all his shots a couple of days ago 0.64

00:50:39.140 he's up to up to speed and all that and um he's just we're just kind of hanging out right now

00:50:46.460 until uh i'm trying to i'm in construction it's like i'm trying to build our own little starter

00:50:51.240 home right now so i'm trying to do something like that and we're just kind of living in between

00:50:54.840 places but wow yeah dude good well i see what you're why i mean i don't i just wonder if you

00:51:01.340 what else you what's your wife's next big reveal you know yeah hopefully nothing wild man i don't

00:51:07.840 she needs to calm down with those for a little while 0.99

00:51:10.380 dude you might want to get her 1.00

00:51:11.520 a breathalyzer or something 1.00

00:51:14.120 see if she's going to have another one 1.00

00:51:16.660 or not breathalyzer but 0.95

00:51:17.640 what's that thing where they hook you up

00:51:20.700 and see if you're telling the truth

00:51:22.100 a polygram 1.00

00:51:25.760 yeah get her that polygram dude 1.00

00:51:27.540 you know what I'm saying bro

00:51:28.660 no yeah I need to get her one of those 0.99

00:51:31.400 bro you weren't like laying there 0.79

00:51:33.220 you weren't ever laying there

00:51:34.840 and felt the baby kick or anything 0.99

00:51:36.600 he never kicked at all man i mean we hang we hang out every single day man uh damn is he a 0.73

00:51:42.740 mine bro this just sounds so wild i don't know man and i have pictures like we went to this gala

00:51:49.280 in wilmington um for this big festival thing back the beginning of may so at this point she

00:51:55.840 was probably like seven months and we have pictures like of her and me and i mean you

00:52:01.660 just can't even tell man um i had a lot of pictures i mean i got that picture the night

00:52:06.920 before we went um hiking we were out in nashville and she had this tight little dress on me

00:52:12.300 real real big but i mean i just thought that i was you know you know i was gonna have a good 1.00

00:52:18.760 night you know i didn't think that i didn't think that they were just bigger than usual them tits 0.95

00:52:24.300 yeah and what about were y'all doing drugs or anything like that because that seems like it'd 0.59

00:52:28.660 be wild i mean i guess i can i can i can kind of talk about this now i guess because like we we

00:52:33.900 were truthful to the social workers and everybody at what we were doing during the pregnancy because

00:52:38.820 we had no idea but i mean yeah we did we did a drug i mean the week before we were in the 0.87

00:52:43.340 mountains we did a little little stuff hell yeah boy i'll fucking do something if i had it bro but 0.64

00:52:48.380 i can't do it but i want some you know i'm saying and ever since i haven't done any since man i want 0.99

00:52:54.900 to fucking get some bro but i can't but whatever dog we ain't thinking about that dog but damn 0.96

00:53:01.020 bro that's what i'm saying you guys might have that new way to do birthing that you know just 0.99

00:53:06.780 kind of let it do its thing you do your thing and then y'all meet up when it's time you know for the

00:53:11.180 baby to show out in the world exactly man i think it all worked out in its own because we weren't

00:53:17.280 together when we conceived him i mean we were talking and stuff like that and i felt like we

00:53:22.440 knew that she was pregnant we probably would have had to force ourselves to be together and

00:53:27.800 everything wow i think it all it all just kind of worked itself out in a way and then i mean a

00:53:34.440 couple weeks after he was conceived i was in a pretty pretty bad car accident um crushed up

00:53:41.280 truck and then i mean i didn't know why i was still walking around but i guess i mean he you

00:53:46.500 know eight months later i kind of figured out why i was walking around you know what i mean

00:53:50.140 amen bro yeah that's cool dude damn and so it sounds like yeah you sound like you're in good

00:53:54.980 spirits now so things are kind of uh cruising along pretty good yeah man it's cruising along 0.96

00:53:59.760 pretty good kind of gives me like a like a self-urgency kind of thing makes me a little bit

00:54:04.620 get going a little more at work trying to get stuff done uh yeah i like that even if i'm having

00:54:10.640 a bad day i know i'm gonna come home to them and kind of gets me going again that's exciting huh

00:54:18.120 it is exciting man it's just like a it's just a family that i didn't expect to get so soon but i

00:54:25.380 got it and i'm happy man wow that's crazy man wow bro what a crazy story man i know it's pretty

00:54:35.040 wild man her uncle uh he's he's in filming and stuff and we went up to ohio the other weekend

00:54:40.540 he did this uh little production video stuff with us and um he's trying to send it into the tlc

00:54:47.160 right now when he gets it all edited out for that tv show and oh interesting yeah i mean yeah i guess

00:54:54.100 i guess there's people having surprised children out there yeah and that's the thing too man like

00:54:58.660 if i was watching that show before i don't think these people are lying how do you not know how do 0.99

00:55:03.640 you not know that your your wife or whatever is pregnant but man it's people don't bullshit man 1.00

00:55:09.740 it's just the real stuff i guess and bitches be hiding shit man let's be honest dude you know 1.00

00:55:14.960 what I'm saying bro I saw a chart the other day it says six out of 11 bitches be keeping secrets 1.00

00:55:20.780 so I mean you know it could happen in hindsight if would you is there any warning signs you would 1.00

00:55:28.720 give to fathers who who who may not realize they're about to be a father something that

00:55:34.060 they can look like looking back is there any way a guy could tell maybe that his wife is pregnant

00:55:39.620 maybe anything you should look out for i don't know man it's hard i mean i guess if she like

00:55:45.580 because she would get sick sometimes if you see your girlfriend or your wife sporadically throwing

00:55:50.920 up randomly think have it in the back of your mind because i mean she would never even have 0.96

00:55:55.300 food urges man like i think that thing that whole thing is a myth too like if someone thinks that 0.99

00:56:00.800 they're pregnant they feel like they can eat just whatever they want because there would never be a 1.00

00:56:04.380 time there was never a time where she would be like hey let's go get this to eat or hey let's 1.00

00:56:09.500 go get to see it was just a regular eating schedule i mean she was even on a keto diet 0.97

00:56:13.200 bro like there were days where she wouldn't eat till three or four in the fucking afternoon 1.00

00:56:17.320 dude this baby sounds amazing bro drugs keto this baby could probably pledge a frat bro 0.99

00:56:25.780 probably probably he get in

00:56:30.220 dude that's amazing man monroe brother yeah it's wild man

00:56:38.940 that's a wild story well uh well dude is it cool if we check in every now and then on this baby

00:56:44.660 dude because this thing i i don't know what he might do next you know no exactly that's what we

00:56:52.000 got a kick out of when you said he'd be a secret agent man because like that's exactly what he

00:56:56.780 would probably be just not even making noise come up behind somebody and crack their neck 0.93

00:57:01.400 i'm like is he a mime how do you stay still for nine months bro you know 1.00

00:57:08.480 yeah i know man he's definitely not quiet now man a little fucker can cry i tell you 0.99

00:57:13.020 once he got out he let us know he was around wow man well look this is an exciting story because 0.98

00:57:20.020 for me it just may it reminds me that there's possibility in the world and that anything can

00:57:24.620 kind of happen in that you know that uh just that thing you know just that that that things can

00:57:30.600 occur sometimes we get so stagnant thinking that nothing you know there might not be any magic left

00:57:36.080 in the world but it's definitely it sounds about as almost mystical as you could get

00:57:40.560 it is man because i mean with her like endometriosis and some stuff and

00:57:45.220 her family genes i mean she didn't think that she'd be having really any kids anytime soon

00:57:50.160 and then my history man i mean i got a bad history with like drugs and um shit like that so i mean i

00:57:56.460 didn't really think i could produce like that you know what i mean and i guess i mean she was on that 0.99

00:58:03.260 strong ass birth control man damn they're shooting your arm and jesus bro swimmers dog 0.99

00:58:09.420 i don't know man i mean so that's what i mean it is that's like the shit they got at the zoo 1.00

00:58:15.700 bro that's that strong strand man yeah exactly damn boy well dang dude you guys are really 0.98

00:58:23.780 i can't wait to see what y'all do next man man i mean y'all can call whenever you want man i've 0.98

00:58:29.480 He's got my phone on me.

00:58:31.220 He's going to know something.

00:58:32.700 Okay, we will, man.

00:58:33.560 We'll check in with the baby.

00:58:34.600 Will you send Nick a picture so we have just an image we can put up of Monroe?

00:58:40.060 Yeah, man.

00:58:41.000 We actually do these little family portrait things at my mom's last week.

00:58:45.720 I can send a picture of him or all of us, whatever y'all want.

00:58:48.640 Yeah, that'd be cool, man.

00:58:49.620 Is your mother excited about having a grandchild?

00:58:52.360 Oh, yeah, man.

00:58:53.040 Yeah, it's her first grandchild.

00:58:55.640 So, you know, she's all over the place.

00:58:57.680 cool man well it sounds like you guys almost got force-fed kind of like a new beginning in a weird

00:59:03.500 way exactly exactly yeah well i hope you make the most of it man and uh congratulations on your son

00:59:11.160 all right i appreciate it man thanks for calling yeah you bet bro we'll talk to you soon man and

00:59:16.240 tell that secret agent i said to keep it low key you know exactly i got you i got all right take

00:59:22.820 care brother all right man you guys can talk to you peace wow i can't i mean i've waited for you

00:59:29.760 know i've had things show up i didn't expect you know we got that all that plastic wrap come at

00:59:34.900 one time but man imagine you tickling your girlfriend and then you got a child that's i

00:59:44.000 mean you know imagine just anything y'all go you know you have a couple of ham you know a couple

00:59:49.920 ham steaks or whatever and then bam you know you got a child or anything you watching a movie an 0.99

00:59:59.400 hour later you got a fucking child bro i mean it never stops they got that magic baby out there 0.99

01:00:05.320 so 1.00

01:00:07.120 possibility possibility

01:00:15.200 you know there is there's always there's something around the corner

01:00:20.320 sometimes you just got to hold the line and get there

01:00:23.700 and to the gentleman that called before him the uh you know there's

01:00:31.520 there just could be something great that's right around the corner

01:00:35.960 but even if whatever's right around the corner isn't

01:00:39.720 if even though even if it's not perfect or it's not

01:00:44.440 the best or what you've been wishing for praying for it's going to be there's going to be something

01:00:52.140 else there's going to be someone else there's going to be another opportunity i think it's

01:01:00.740 only opportunity that's right around the bend usually you know if you're if you're keeping

01:01:06.240 your head up and your eyes forward and your heart open i think it's only opportunity uh

01:01:12.740 uh that's around the corner for you um so i think that uh you know we got somebody's fine

01:01:22.720 you know right there a guy you know a woman he thought it's out of his league and suddenly

01:01:26.260 they're playing you know they playing t-ball together there you go all right i want to make

01:01:31.800 a call right now to uh cam and he you guys remember his call um was this i got a problem

01:01:40.700 with these sweaty hands man my dad have problems with it tells me not to worry about it but

01:01:46.560 comes a problem on dates man and uh oh you got them sweaty hands huh you got them leaky mitts

01:01:52.740 baby tell me more just wondering some advice that maybe you could give a young guy sweaty hands

01:01:58.240 trying to figure out this world man so oh you got that drip shake huh i can only imagine man you

01:02:04.780 try to shake somebody's hand and you and your daddy probably can't even handshake because it's

01:02:08.880 It's just like two fists trying to hug, and they can't.

01:02:16.280 It's like, hmm.

01:02:18.700 All right, and I want to make a call to my boy Cam now.

01:02:24.120 You know, your boy had that drool hand, Luke, really,

01:02:26.480 and I wanted to check in with him

01:02:30.000 because a lot of great suggestions came in for him from different listeners.

01:02:34.900 Yeah, you guys remember Cam?

01:02:36.000 He and his father both had the same situation where they get extra water on their hands.

01:02:43.580 So they could, you know, definitely a liability probably if you, you know, maybe playing certain board games or things like that.

01:02:51.740 But also a unique, you know, that's a unique when you have a special. 0.89

01:02:56.860 I mean, shit, if God comes looking for an actual Aquaman, then, you know, they're going to have they're going to be right there at the front of the line. 0.98

01:03:04.400 where my dry ass is going to be back there at the back uh but let's uh let's put a buzz into him 0.99

01:03:11.340 right now hello big cam what's up man what's up playboys theo how you doing bro i'm doing okay 0.99

01:03:22.320 man you know i'm getting through uh you know me dude i've always got something wrong with me 0.99

01:03:27.100 dude always man but it's fucking you because everybody else has something wrong with them man 0.96

01:03:32.640 so it's okay man thank you bro i think i needed to hear that today man and i appreciate you 0.99

01:03:39.560 calling in too about uh about the hyperhidrosis man you got those drippy mitts dude i want to 0.98

01:03:44.820 know more about it yeah man uh i've actually done a lot better since i saw that shit man 0.94

01:03:50.880 so i showed it to my dad he thought it's fucking hilarious i appreciate that good and uh i had a 0.94

01:03:58.660 few people at work tell me to get like a shirt that said drippy mitts on it and i was like

01:04:02.980 i don't know bro yeah i don't know if you need that i don't even know if that was the best uh

01:04:08.180 nickname either man so nah dude but it was pretty fucking funny man like i really appreciate you 0.86

01:04:14.180 even having me on man you know shit yeah well it's interesting dude because i was thinking 0.96

01:04:18.860 whenever you were talking about that i was thinking about it a couple days after and i was 0.96

01:04:23.000 like because i've always thought you know my hands look up look like my mother's hands so i always

01:04:28.440 thought i had a woman's hands so i remember someone's hands yeah man so when i was young i

01:04:33.620 would tell if i held a girl's hand i would always remember i've forgotten about this i would say

01:04:37.940 uh you know i would say i'm not a woman i would always tell a girl that if i held her hand or

01:04:43.180 something for some and i'm sure they they were thinking like well what in the hell is this guy

01:04:46.340 talking about but yeah dude you might as well just not even say anything bro jesus yeah dude

01:04:53.600 yeah i had it back good god yeah definitely might as well not even say anything but

01:04:59.080 unfortunately i said some stuff but uh but yeah i think everybody has just like something that they

01:05:07.260 feel like uncomfortable about but i guess with your hands it would be because that's like the

01:05:12.260 first thing you reach out to somebody with sometimes well yeah man i was talking to a dude 0.97

01:05:16.860 today got a good first impression you know we were talking about some shit and then he goes to shake 0.99

01:05:22.660 my hand dab me up or whatever and i had to wipe my hand off real quick he didn't fucking care man 0.99

01:05:28.520 like the fuck so i mean some people care about it and like when they do care it's it's like whatever 0.99

01:05:34.400 bro like fuck off so well it's funny because it makes me think because sometimes somebody will 1.00

01:05:39.520 shake my hand and their hand will be if it's cold and wet then that's when i guess i get a little 1.00

01:05:45.720 bit alarmed maybe um because i'm like is this person like a living are they gonna live long

01:05:51.660 or what's gonna happen yeah but if it's just kind of damp usually i think oh maybe they're just kind

01:05:57.320 of nerves you know nervous is it is it nerves that kick-started or what do you notice yeah man

01:06:03.760 i mean i have pretty bad anxiety problems or i think i do but like everybody else says they 0.98

01:06:09.440 don't notice it and like i'm fine but like like shit i guess it's all in my head like you were 0.84

01:06:14.120 talking about like getting out of your head just the other day and like i mean it's just all in my 0.99

01:06:19.480 fucking head man so like the more i think about it the worse it gets so like so like if i'm thinking 0.99

01:06:24.440 about oh man like gotta get my hands dry so you know my hand on this girl's shoulder or whatever 1.00

01:06:30.080 it's like well man you keep fucking thinking about it so it's not gonna happen man like 0.82

01:06:35.520 so it's just like an ongoing game in your head you know and then once i get working out man it's 0.99

01:06:42.220 like fuck it's gone because i'm working out and like i'm thinking about like the other task ahead 0.98

01:06:47.580 instead of my fucking hand sweat so yeah yeah man i feel you with my hair i start to think my hair 1.00

01:06:53.380 is losing out and then i start looking at it all the time then i start losing bro you got fucking 0.97

01:06:57.520 killer hair man okay well don't let anybody tell you different i appreciate it man i uh thanks 0.99

01:07:03.860 dude yeah i just fuck but yeah it's crazy how we just get so stuck in our heads man um 0.98

01:07:09.000 what really is what were some of the things i know some people suggested botox and people suggested 0.99

01:07:14.540 that ion ion ion to derma okay so i actually looked into the ion to derma and i'm actually

01:07:21.140 probably gonna invest in that eventually but i went to the doctor and he gave me like two solutions

01:07:28.000 he gave me like he said i could put like this little rub on my hands that like makes them stay

01:07:32.020 dry or i could take this uh little cap or this little pill like say i were to go out it's supposed

01:07:38.840 to like dry me out a little bit you know so yeah like i had a date and then like i could take that

01:07:43.700 before i've tried it like it works pretty well like it's trying like i can feel it literally 1.00

01:07:48.180 like sucking the damn like moisture out of me man like my fucking mouth gets all dry and shit 0.99

01:07:54.420 i'm just like fuck but like i don't know if that'd be more of a problem or what yeah it works dude so 1.00

01:08:02.040 hey that could be more of a problem dude you might be that dry daddy you know yeah man be 0.99

01:08:08.020 careful what you wish for you know i know it's so true bro um so what did the eye ontoderma what is 0.83

01:08:14.420 it dude i don't even fucking know like i looked into it it's i think it's like some sort of like 0.96

01:08:22.080 electrical shit i don't know how there can be a like electrical shit in water i mean 0.99

01:08:27.560 i don't fucking know without killing yourself so maybe you're just killing like something inside 1.00

01:08:33.840 of you man and it just like makes your hands i don't fucking know dude it's dark arts bro it 0.99

01:08:39.640 sounds like yeah man it sounds like very dark arts and it sounds like you'd have to be like 0.80

01:08:44.600 past 10 o'clock at night for you to be able to do it at least yeah it seems a little sketchy man 0.91

01:08:49.360 i don't know about all that i definitely ain't getting no fucking botox yeah i don't want to be 0.96

01:08:54.920 a freak man i'll start leaking from my face like you're gonna sweat from other places if you prevent 0.97

01:09:00.680 that so like i don't want to start sweating fucking from some crazy place on my body that 0.99

01:09:06.440 you normally don't sweat from then you really got a problem so 0.98

01:09:10.960 yeah that's true man you don't yeah that'd be crazy if you just started kind of like just

01:09:16.940 dripping off your earlobes all the time or something yeah dude or like say you had like 0.99

01:09:21.760 a fucking mustache or something and it's like dripping off your mustache and shit i mean i'm 0.99

01:09:26.200 too young to even be able to grow my facial hair or my facial hair out yet but i mean yeah it could 0.99

01:09:31.540 be a problem man so cam dude i love your attitude man thanks for the good words and uh

01:09:36.000 and and yeah man i just appreciate you like just kind of even just like made me making me think

01:09:40.840 about what that's like so if i shake somebody's hand and their hand is a little damp like in the

01:09:44.760 future at least i know hey man maybe this maybe they have this and then i can discuss it with

01:09:49.160 them you know yeah man just feel for him you know like you say you don't like your nose man well 0.98

01:09:54.620 like what if you had that fucking nose on your hand or something like so yeah i mean yeah what 0.97

01:10:01.860 if every time i just yeah yeah everybody's got that thing man it's true bro and it's funny 0.99

01:10:07.860 because the thing is i bet if we traded and had somebody else's i wonder if we would be like 0.99

01:10:12.880 relieved or if we'd be like fuck man i want my old thing back shit man i wish we could man i could 1.00

01:10:18.400 get your nose for a fucking day you take my sweaty hands man see how it works oh dude i would moon 1.00

01:10:22.920 walk on my hands that's the first thing i would fucking do what the fuck yeah right you could 1.00

01:10:28.580 easily do that oh shit i mean i guess i mean if you know how to do a handstand long enough 0.99

01:10:36.560 well dude uh thanks for calling in dude and um yeah uh we'll be in touch man we'll reach out and 0.99

01:10:42.120 say hey sometime oh yeah bro it's good to talk to you man i'm definitely gonna come to a fucking 0.80

01:10:47.760 show soon yeah where do you live at charlotte so oh nice i live in north carolina so like so yeah 0.93

01:10:55.320 maybe before if you hear that i'm coming man reach out or something and we'll get you some

01:10:58.280 tickets dude hell yeah dude me and my dad will come through oh yeah that would be great you 0.99

01:11:04.060 could shake the droopy mitts man fuck yeah boy let's double down dude hell yeah let's double 0.99

01:11:10.460 down um all right bro have a good day man i'll talk to you soon great to talk to you man love 1.00

01:11:16.120 you take it easy man all right you too cam gang bro peace man you gotta love that you gotta love

01:11:22.620 his energy right there um let's take a call that uh came in right here onward hey theo this is

01:11:28.540 chris from wisconsin what's up chris from wi and green bay really had that showing out they showed

01:11:34.640 out yesterday onward uh i just wanted to call and uh let you know that uh your your podcast has

01:11:43.080 really helped out quite a bit man uh about two years ago my wife went through a hemorrhage after

01:11:49.120 we had our our baby girl and oh man sorry to hear that brother thanks for uh thanks for sharing that

01:11:55.300 more uh it's pretty serious you could you could pass away after that so uh anyway oh yeah it's

01:12:04.020 serious man i mean hell dude other guys girl they're out there doing drugs or something the

01:12:09.320 baby's i mean the baby's not trying to get out so that's really you know if you're doing drugs

01:12:16.960 and a baby's trying to get out of your body, 0.98

01:12:18.540 that's almost like a damn episode of CSI SUV or whatever. 0.99

01:12:24.060 But Onward? 0.99

01:12:25.060 It set my mind in a spiral

01:12:26.880 when she had to get taken away by ambulance and stuff.

01:12:30.620 And I thought that, man,

01:12:33.140 I'm going to have to raise these two kids solo

01:12:35.500 and be without my partner, my love, everything.

01:12:41.960 Wow.

01:12:43.680 Yeah, sorry to have joked around, man.

01:12:45.320 That's a real deal right there.

01:12:47.780 I can't imagine that. 1.00

01:12:50.440 You know, that you brought your lady rolling off there in that little hope wagon.

01:12:55.700 That's all the ambulance is, bro.

01:12:58.940 And that you're not sure what your future is going to look like, you know.

01:13:04.340 All these things flashing through your head.

01:13:06.240 Onward.

01:13:07.260 It's not my mind going, man.

01:13:09.060 And I went into a pretty messed up place for actually about two years.

01:13:14.380 And it was right around when I started listening to your podcast, man.

01:13:17.840 And I just wanted to let you know, just hearing, you know, it might not be the same thing,

01:13:22.320 but, you know, other people are going through stuff, too, and yourself and all that.

01:13:26.980 And, yeah, man, it's just, you know, just kind of listening, man.

01:13:31.540 It helped a lot.

01:13:34.000 And I'm happy to say, like, two years after that, my head is great, my family's great, my wife's great.

01:13:41.140 um you know i hope you're taking care of yourself man but your podcast has done a lot to help dude

01:13:46.940 i i appreciate it we look forward to coming back to milwaukee gang gang gang gang man thanks for

01:13:53.380 that call uh yeah i will be i'll be in milwaukee soon um but um yeah man it's just it's so crazy

01:14:02.260 how it will change it all changes that's it's going to happen so if somebody's broken your

01:14:07.660 heart or if somebody's done this or if somebody's done that you know or if you fell in love or you

01:14:12.980 fell out of love or you fell into a job or you decided not to take a job like me you know if you

01:14:19.300 are don't know if you're making the right choice or not making the right choice um whatever you're

01:14:25.800 feeling right now it's going to change if it's bad it's that it's going to change and even if

01:14:31.220 it's good it's going to change you know i get sometimes hooked on i think you know i have such

01:14:36.900 a short-term memory emotionally so that's why i make a lot of the same mistakes sometimes because

01:14:42.900 uh my emotions they just don't remember what what's just occurred you know and so i'll just

01:14:50.260 it's just i got short-term memory you know and that's why i'm like oh well how did i find myself

01:14:57.420 here again. It's because I just, I don't know. It just, you know, it forgets. Your feelings

01:15:08.800 forget. But then maybe that's one of the beautiful things about them too, man. If your feelings

01:15:15.160 remembered all the hurt all the time, oh, you know. I mean, sometimes they remember

01:15:25.380 enough of it but if that's all they remembered that would just be we really wouldn't be a very

01:15:29.980 unique creature man we really wouldn't be a special creature um yeah we relate we relate we relate

01:15:39.740 and we forget how how much we can relate to one another don't we we forget that

01:15:47.420 yeah man when i saw just everybody's man everybody's got something everybody's going

01:15:57.640 through something and that's the that's what that's where we're the same

01:16:03.080 you know that's where we're the same and and through each other we can find you know a little

01:16:09.460 bit of opportunity to to feel better i think a lot of times if we're not feeling good

01:16:15.120 but we get through it we keep going onward we keep going onward that's it

01:16:23.200 you know you get up and you dust your feet off or your legs off or something if you

01:16:29.340 if you got dust on your legs and or whatever wherever you got dust and you just we you know

01:16:38.600 we live to fight another day

01:16:40.320 we live to fight another day

01:16:44.520 whether we're fighting with our heart

01:16:45.960 or with our head

01:16:46.720 or with our hands

01:16:47.740 you know

01:16:51.760 we live to learn another day

01:16:55.340 you know

01:17:00.260 when we brush ourselves off

01:17:01.560 and we put ourselves back out there

01:17:03.060 in the store window

01:17:04.240 because somebody might see us

01:17:08.120 or we might see somebody you know we might be able to be an inspiration for someone

01:17:14.020 or somebody might be able to be an inspiration for us we just we stay in there we stay in the

01:17:18.680 we stay in the mosh pit we stay in the mosh pit man and we keep going on we're bro that's what it

01:17:25.040 is so anyway um what else is going on with me i don't know i just appreciate all the calls man

01:17:34.660 And a lot of really just people calling in with what's going on.

01:17:38.360 And a lot of people being really real about what's happening in our lives.

01:17:42.540 And it makes me feel connected to people, man.

01:17:44.720 It really does.

01:17:46.340 It makes me feel a little more human than when I sat down in this chair today.

01:17:55.920 I mean, anything's possible.

01:17:58.800 Anything's possible.

01:18:00.500 You could start turning into Aquaman.

01:18:02.160 Man, you could have a kid pop out of a chick you know and just say it's yours.

01:18:07.140 You know what I'm saying?

01:18:07.920 It's crazy.

01:18:08.560 Anything is possible.

01:18:11.340 There's a lot of unique things.

01:18:14.060 There's a lot of opportunity.

01:18:17.380 You've got to get up.

01:18:19.180 You've got to do it.

01:18:20.080 I'm going to do it, man.

01:18:21.960 I'm going to keep going, bro.

01:18:25.400 Anyway, sorry if this got a little down and dour.

01:18:27.580 I don't know.

01:18:29.380 But whatever, bro.

01:18:30.440 I'm also not sorry, dude. 0.80

01:18:31.880 I don't even know who I am sometimes, but I'm going to fucking keep trying to figure it out, boy.

01:18:38.880 Let's take a song right here, man. 0.94

01:18:42.020 Let's get us out of here.

01:18:47.620 And we got it.

01:18:51.740 We got it.

01:18:53.240 You guys be good to yourselves, man.

01:18:54.520 You deserve it, brother and sisters.

01:18:57.520 Gang, gang.

01:18:58.260 here's Bishop Gunn

01:19:01.520 Anything You Want

01:19:02.360 Anything you want, man

01:19:32.360 I got to get some more types of music, huh?

01:20:02.360 If you'll just give me what I need

01:20:08.100 You can have anything you want

01:20:13.640 Thank you guys for your support, man.

01:20:27.020 That means a lot.

01:20:32.360 Just doing my best, man.

01:20:37.860 We're doing our best, you know.

01:21:02.360 You guys take care of yourselves, man, gang.

01:21:32.360 ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll be

01:21:41.580 sharing thoughts on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your

01:21:46.720 partner the answer may shock you sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i won't

01:21:52.380 and as always i'll be joined by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages

01:21:58.800 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:22:02.040 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

01:22:04.700 Longer than anybody else.

01:22:06.380 So great.

01:22:07.720 Aye, sweetheart.

01:22:09.360 Here's a deal. 1.00

01:22:10.700 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00

01:22:14.620 Jermaine. 0.99

01:22:15.900 Ho ho, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:22:19.700 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:22:21.780 Ho ho ho!

01:22:23.060 No!

01:22:24.040 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.

01:22:26.320 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:22:30.640 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:22:34.900 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:22:40.620 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

01:22:44.560 Recently, our company softball team lost the big game by one run.

01:22:48.860 Then Dale tried to console us with the quote, winning isn't everything.

01:22:52.760 Well, Dale and I are very different.

01:22:56.860 I get early payout from Bet365.

01:22:58.800 If my team goes up big, I get paid out instantly,

01:23:01.600 even if they blow the lead later.

01:23:03.620 Sound familiar, Dale?

01:23:05.420 Thanks, Bet365.

01:23:07.020 Must be 19 or older Ontario only.

01:23:08.560 Please play responsibly.

01:23:09.380 If you have questions or concerns about your gambling

01:23:10.800 or the gambling of someone close to you,

01:23:11.880 please go to connexontario.ca TNC Supply.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - September 16, 2019

Relationship Animals ｜ This Past Weekend #230

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