This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Up to Nothing ｜ This Past Weekend #274

00:00:00.000 Um, you know, the strangest thing, um, you can ask someone right now is what are you

00:00:13.700 up to or what have you been up to?

00:00:17.880 Have you, have you had someone to ask you that yet?

00:00:20.460 Hey, hey man, what are you up to?

00:00:23.720 What?

00:00:25.160 What am I up to?

00:00:27.840 Nothing.

00:00:30.000 I'm up to nothing.

00:00:33.940 There is nothing to do.

00:00:39.200 Hey man, what you been doing?

00:00:41.620 Nothing.

00:00:45.760 Hey, hey, hey buddy.

00:00:48.380 Have you no nothing?

00:00:51.760 Do, do you understand? 0.51

00:00:53.860 I, I, you know, I, I realized one of my buddies is a psycho path or psycho, whatever it is.

00:01:02.520 Psycho path.

00:01:04.700 He's like, Hey man, what have you been doing?

00:01:06.780 Huh?

00:01:07.120 Oh me.

00:01:07.980 Oh yeah, man.

00:01:08.860 I just been, you know, I just traveled.

00:01:11.380 We went to the water slide last weekend and, um, you know, we went to DiMaggio's, you know,

00:01:16.600 that restaurant, nothing.

00:01:18.100 I've been doing nothing.

00:01:21.720 The same thing that everybody has been doing.

00:01:27.100 No matter who you are right now, you're doing, I don't care if you are Walter Disney, you're

00:01:34.680 doing nothing.

00:01:36.560 Even people that are smoking DMT right now, no matter how hard a hit they take, nothing

00:01:45.260 happens because there's nothing to do except podcast, I guess.

00:01:53.360 Let's go.

00:01:59.940 Yep.

00:02:01.520 It's that same song, baby.

00:02:05.900 Come on.

00:02:07.420 Come on.

00:02:09.600 I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home.

00:02:17.880 And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.

00:02:29.140 Hey man, what you been up to, man?

00:02:31.600 Nothing.

00:02:32.460 Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

00:02:38.260 I must be cornerstone.

00:02:41.160 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.

00:02:48.160 I found I can feel it in my bones.

00:02:53.080 But it's gonna take a little time.

00:02:57.840 A little bit of time, baby.

00:02:58.880 Some TikToks.

00:02:59.500 For me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind.

00:03:05.500 Shine that light on me.

00:03:10.740 I'll sit and tell you my story.

00:03:15.960 Shine on me.

00:03:19.260 And I will find a song.

00:03:23.700 I will sing it just for you.

00:03:26.500 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ohh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, okay, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 0.98

00:03:56.500 Try not to masturbate or do self-pleasure, do self-bust. 0.95

00:04:02.180 I have been, I have learned, I've learned that I can cook and then I've learned that I don't know any good recipes. 0.97

00:04:17.920 That's what I learned.

00:04:19.840 I learned like, oh, okay, I'm willing to cook.

00:04:22.800 Like, I find myself just making something that's around my apartment.

00:04:29.600 Like, oh, okay, I'll have a little bit of lettuce and oatmeal.

00:04:34.900 There could be something.

00:04:37.480 You know, I find myself just mixing.

00:04:40.020 Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll have a Pop-Tart and I'll have, you know, I'll have a Pop-Tart and I'll have two orange halves or an orange.

00:04:51.840 Um...

00:04:52.800 You know, just like wild mixes.

00:04:54.360 Okay, I'll have a little, you know, some cuts of, um, London Brawl and, uh...

00:05:01.100 And, you know, and maybe four baby Snicker.

00:05:04.380 And that's dinner.

00:05:06.900 Just the...

00:05:07.800 The connect, like things that connect there, that the...

00:05:11.900 It doesn't matter anymore.

00:05:12.960 It, you...

00:05:14.980 You know, before COVID, it was like the...

00:05:18.340 The...

00:05:19.500 The afternoons connected to the lunchtime.

00:05:24.220 The evenings connected to the dinner.

00:05:27.060 But now it don't matter.

00:05:30.060 The breakfast is connected to the midnight snack.

00:05:34.000 It don't matter.

00:05:35.520 Oh, rise and shine.

00:05:37.400 You know, I got half a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and, um...

00:05:40.500 And, you know, a third of a cup of, um...

00:05:43.940 You know, baby marshmallows for you.

00:05:46.940 And don't forget to have, uh...

00:05:48.380 Don't forget to squeeze, uh, um...

00:05:50.000 You know, a chunk of lime into your mouth.

00:05:52.760 And, and that's it.

00:05:56.840 It's just, you know, the...

00:05:58.180 There's the...

00:05:59.600 I'm just saying that you can have whatever you want right now.

00:06:05.980 And it can be a meal.

00:06:08.400 You don't even have to mix things.

00:06:10.000 Like before, pre-COVID, you had to mix stuff.

00:06:14.360 Oh, you want to make a cake?

00:06:15.260 You need to get an egg.

00:06:17.000 Do an egg in a bucket.

00:06:19.200 Do a flour.

00:06:20.260 Do some milk.

00:06:21.440 Or some leche.

00:06:22.120 Some Mexican milk.

00:06:24.280 And do it like that.

00:06:25.540 And do it.

00:06:25.980 And mix it up.

00:06:26.980 And throw some sprinkles in it.

00:06:28.400 And put it out.

00:06:29.020 And do an oven.

00:06:30.640 And then, da-da-da-do. 1.00

00:06:32.060 Damn. 1.00

00:06:32.720 You got a cake. 1.00

00:06:33.580 You got a birthday.

00:06:34.360 You got a cumpleaños.

00:06:36.240 You know.

00:06:37.240 Circle.

00:06:38.140 A cake.

00:06:40.640 But, now...

00:06:42.620 Don't matter. 1.00

00:06:43.240 You want to fucking crack an egg into your mouth? 1.00

00:06:45.960 You want to take half a dram of water? 1.00

00:06:48.000 Little bit of milk?

00:06:49.000 Eat a quarter stick of butter?

00:06:51.140 You know how I had two packets of sugar under your tongue?

00:06:54.840 Of sugar in the raw?

00:06:57.000 Bam, son.

00:06:59.680 You get...

00:07:00.040 Now you've had some cake.

00:07:00.940 Like, now you've had some cake.

00:07:03.100 There's just...

00:07:04.180 The...

00:07:04.460 The template is kind of blown out.

00:07:10.340 Oh, it's lunchtime. 0.83

00:07:11.600 Why don't you have a freaking... 0.98

00:07:13.240 Porterhouse steak. 0.98

00:07:16.240 With a Chobani yogurt.

00:07:20.160 Why don't you do...

00:07:20.960 You want to do a little...

00:07:22.020 Do a Chobani, daddy. 1.00

00:07:24.260 Do that little, you know. 1.00

00:07:26.280 How to fucking... 1.00

00:07:27.000 How to half a gram of yogurt in your little cousin's jaw. 1.00

00:07:30.960 And then, you know. 1.00

00:07:32.080 And then beat his little ass if you have to. 1.00

00:07:34.620 Sorry. 1.00

00:07:36.360 You know, let him...

00:07:37.240 You know, don't... 0.99

00:07:37.940 Just hit him like in the back. 0.99

00:07:39.140 And like in the fat areas. 0.97

00:07:40.160 Don't hit him anywhere where it could hurt him.

00:07:42.300 What's going on?

00:07:43.340 I don't know.

00:07:45.400 I don't...

00:07:46.620 I don't... 1.00

00:07:46.940 It's the dumbest... 1.00

00:07:48.000 What's going on? 1.00

00:07:51.560 Nada.

00:07:53.340 Nada.

00:07:54.180 Spanish nothing.

00:07:56.160 Nothing is going on.

00:07:59.220 I've been at home.

00:08:00.280 I don't even know.

00:08:03.780 It's out...

00:08:04.580 It's nice to not have to set your alarm clock.

00:08:07.480 Isn't that...

00:08:07.960 I know some of you have children.

00:08:09.160 You can't relate to it.

00:08:09.860 But it's nice to not have to set your alarm.

00:08:13.580 You know, I don't need an alarm for anything right now.

00:08:17.600 I don't need...

00:08:20.440 I don't...

00:08:20.860 It doesn't...

00:08:22.400 What if it's...

00:08:23.300 It doesn't matter if it's 11.50 p.m.

00:08:26.120 Or 4 a.m.

00:08:28.640 I can...

00:08:30.720 Watch another episode of Schitt's Creek.

00:08:34.020 And then go back to bed.

00:08:37.180 Doesn't matter.

00:08:37.940 Doesn't matter if...

00:08:42.120 It doesn't...

00:08:42.780 It doesn't...

00:08:43.060 Nothing matters.

00:08:45.160 Nothing matters.

00:08:45.620 What's going on?

00:08:47.500 Nothing.

00:08:50.460 Nothing.

00:08:53.100 I'm just trapped playing with the devils that are inside of me.

00:09:00.020 That's what I'm doing most of the time.

00:09:04.860 I want to thank you guys for supporting the cast.

00:09:06.880 That's for damn sure.

00:09:09.320 That is for DS. 0.98

00:09:12.040 That is for damn sure.

00:09:15.120 What's going on? 0.95

00:09:15.980 I've been...

00:09:16.280 I guess I've been feeling like a lot of things during this recently.

00:09:19.580 I've been feeling like...

00:09:21.740 Well, I've been taking pretty good care of myself.

00:09:24.700 You know, I've been doing a good bit of outdoor action.

00:09:29.040 Running.

00:09:30.380 Walking.

00:09:32.920 You know, I'll pretend like I lost something in my area or something.

00:09:35.840 Go look for it.

00:09:36.640 Look for a missing animal.

00:09:38.060 Look for a...

00:09:39.960 You know...

00:09:40.960 Like, oh, my cousin's car got stolen.

00:09:43.620 We know we're looking for it.

00:09:44.800 Have you seen it?

00:09:45.400 People are like, nah, nah, nah.

00:09:46.920 But you keep looking, you know.

00:09:48.900 Just anything to kind of get out of the house.

00:09:53.840 You know...

00:09:55.440 What else?

00:09:58.040 I've been rolling out my body.

00:10:02.240 And I know some people, they say you get on the foam roller.

00:10:07.020 If you've seen it, it's a...

00:10:08.920 It's like a pipe, but it's made out of foam.

00:10:11.920 It's like a foam piping piece.

00:10:14.600 It's like a fat little foam pipe.

00:10:20.700 And you lay your body on it.

00:10:22.640 And you just ride your body back and forth on it.

00:10:26.420 I mean, if this thing could get pregnant, it would get pregnant. 1.00

00:10:29.660 And you just slide your body, your legs, especially your thighs, your buttocks, your... 0.92

00:10:36.340 The area between your nuts and your knees, whatever that is. 0.82

00:10:39.900 Leg.

00:10:40.300 And you slide that up and down this foam roller.

00:10:47.400 And it alleviates your tension.

00:10:51.100 I mean, it... 1.00

00:10:52.180 You'll see a damn ghost fly out of your ass. 1.00

00:10:55.080 Like, this thing will loosen the muscle tension inside of you. 1.00

00:11:00.980 It really does.

00:11:02.060 It just loosens it all up.

00:11:03.260 So I've been doing that full body.

00:11:05.020 Like doing my triceps on it.

00:11:07.000 My bicep.

00:11:07.660 Like laying on it in just sheer agony.

00:11:11.720 Just...

00:11:12.240 And just...

00:11:18.240 I mean, till it just hurts so much, man.

00:11:21.920 Till just like...

00:11:23.480 And it's this big black pipe kind of thing.

00:11:25.880 And it's like, it just feels like it's just...

00:11:28.340 I mean, just...

00:11:29.740 Just taking my muscles virginity, you know. 1.00

00:11:31.840 Just terrorizing these bitches, really. 1.00

00:11:39.600 Kind of like if you've ever seen an episode of that blacked pornography. 1.00

00:11:43.720 And it's women kind of getting attacked by big, large black, you know, penises and penis. 1.00

00:11:50.640 And it has that sort of ambiance to it. 1.00

00:11:56.120 Just...

00:11:56.680 And just rolling your...

00:11:58.100 Just...

00:11:58.540 I mean, rolling my chest.

00:11:59.620 Just rolling everything out.

00:12:03.300 So I've been doing that.

00:12:08.460 What else?

00:12:11.200 That's it, man.

00:12:12.080 Not...

00:12:12.580 There's not...

00:12:14.220 You know, I went to the park the other day.

00:12:16.480 I looked at some dog.

00:12:17.480 People out there with the dogs.

00:12:18.780 And when I was growing up, your boy Daniel in my neighborhood, some of you guys know about him.

00:12:27.180 And some of y'all don't.

00:12:29.240 And he was the kind of dude that would...

00:12:32.180 You know, he would tell you, like...

00:12:35.800 Maybe if you were having a licorice chunk.

00:12:38.440 Or if you were having a...

00:12:41.440 A bit of honey.

00:12:44.620 Candy.

00:12:46.280 He would tell you, oh, they're poisonous.

00:12:48.140 They're poisonous.

00:12:48.940 And you'd spit it out on the table.

00:12:50.380 And he would take it and eat it.

00:12:52.680 He was that kind of man.

00:12:54.000 He was a...

00:12:55.360 Like, he would just...

00:12:56.420 Secondhand sugar.

00:12:57.440 He didn't care.

00:12:57.980 He'd trick you out of your own sweet.

00:13:00.760 And then he would polish that batch off right in front of you.

00:13:05.780 And...

00:13:06.460 Anyway, his father had trained...

00:13:09.680 They had a dog.

00:13:10.440 This little disgruntled little dog.

00:13:14.920 And this little... 0.99

00:13:16.260 I don't know if it was like a beagle or like a damn... 0.99

00:13:20.080 Like an Australian kind of beagle. 0.99

00:13:24.020 Kind of...

00:13:25.660 Like a...

00:13:28.240 Kind of an...

00:13:29.920 Like an Australian kind of beagle sort of...

00:13:33.720 Hound.

00:13:35.240 But it would...

00:13:36.300 Named Muscle was the dog's name.

00:13:37.920 And it would...

00:13:38.740 They trained it to...

00:13:40.440 Kind of, I guess...

00:13:42.020 Kind of... 1.00

00:13:43.700 Hump or fuck... 1.00

00:13:46.020 Dogs. 1.00

00:13:48.480 Other dogs at the dog park.

00:13:51.800 So we'd go down there.

00:13:52.860 They had this kind of dog.

00:13:53.800 And it wasn't really a dog park back then.

00:13:55.540 When I was growing up.

00:13:56.420 It was just a lot of dogs would meet up.

00:13:58.120 Usually to eat.

00:13:59.040 And or look at each other.

00:14:00.920 And you'd see a dog walking by.

00:14:03.080 Or one dog would have a...

00:14:04.280 You know...

00:14:04.720 You know, he would...

00:14:07.400 The owner would paint something on the side of him.

00:14:09.600 Like a political slogan. 1.00

00:14:11.180 Or just all kind of shit. 1.00

00:14:12.300 Like an animal meet up. 1.00

00:14:15.340 And...

00:14:15.680 And...

00:14:20.180 They had their little dog a little muscle. 1.00

00:14:21.660 And this thing could fuck, bro. 1.00

00:14:23.300 I'll be honest. 1.00

00:14:24.300 It's the only dog I've ever seen that could run up behind another dog and jump.

00:14:27.500 And it was real...

00:14:28.100 It had long legs in the front.

00:14:29.960 But was short-legged in the back. 1.00

00:14:33.740 And this thing could hump like a damn... 0.99

00:14:36.540 Like a speed bump. 1.00

00:14:38.740 This thing could hump like a fucking... 1.00

00:14:41.420 Like an extended cab camel. 1.00

00:14:44.000 This thing had that...

00:14:45.640 Up, down, up, down, up, down going.

00:14:47.780 And it could run and jump up into the...

00:14:50.180 And land wiener...

00:14:52.700 Wiener in to another animal.

00:14:56.460 And so this little thing... 1.00

00:14:57.640 It was like the damn Robin Hood of fucking, really. 1.00

00:15:00.140 And you'd see it run up and just jump onto another animal. 1.00

00:15:03.140 And they had trained it to do sex.

00:15:07.560 So it was just baffling, man.

00:15:09.560 It just blew my mind every time we'd go to like the little dog meet up.

00:15:12.820 And they had...

00:15:13.820 You know, when little muscle would show up.

00:15:15.840 And this thing, boy...

00:15:17.140 You'd see the other owners would be like... 0.99

00:15:19.020 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:15:20.880 Here comes a little muscle, man. 1.00

00:15:22.520 That little damn Bill Cosby out here. 1.00

00:15:24.540 This little thing just not afraid to really sexualize other animals. 1.00

00:15:31.760 But...

00:15:32.240 What else?

00:15:33.660 What's going on, man?

00:15:35.100 Nothing!

00:15:35.540 Nothing!

00:15:38.060 Nothing!

00:15:39.760 What's for breakfast, huh?

00:15:42.000 Uh...

00:15:42.760 Veal Parmesan?

00:15:45.320 Sounds good.

00:15:48.380 Sounds good.

00:15:49.640 Um...

00:15:50.060 What else?

00:15:53.060 Uh...

00:15:54.020 Nothing!

00:15:55.760 Tricked you on that one.

00:15:56.940 Let's take some calls, man.

00:15:58.020 985-664-9503.

00:16:01.600 I've been running.

00:16:02.620 I've been trying to take care of myself physically.

00:16:04.860 And I've been doing a lot of meditation.

00:16:07.900 And...

00:16:08.300 And...

00:16:09.020 I am...

00:16:10.780 Let me see.

00:16:14.820 Hear that? 1.00

00:16:15.580 That's my damn lungs. 1.00

00:16:16.860 I'm like 45 days of no... 1.00

00:16:19.020 Not 45, maybe 44 days of no cigarettes.

00:16:23.360 Cigarettes.

00:16:25.840 But I wanted one yesterday, man.

00:16:29.000 I wanted one.

00:16:30.320 I had a...

00:16:31.620 I was talking to like an ex-girlfriend.

00:16:33.520 Ex-girlfriend.

00:16:34.220 And...

00:16:34.660 Just...

00:16:37.120 Man, we just kind of got into it.

00:16:39.220 And... 1.00

00:16:40.220 Just made me want a damn cigarette. 0.99

00:16:44.060 It's crazy how like relationship conversations and things like that can really... 1.00

00:16:49.820 Get my damn... 0.97

00:16:52.220 Could really get the... 0.99

00:16:54.420 Just get my goiter.

00:16:57.060 You know?

00:16:58.580 I'm serious, man.

00:16:59.540 That type of stuff can really just...

00:17:02.940 I mean, just...

00:17:04.400 Makes me just...

00:17:06.840 I mean, it'll just... 1.00

00:17:07.800 Makes me want to hide my own penis inside of my... 1.00

00:17:11.120 Ass. 1.00

00:17:11.760 You know? 1.00

00:17:12.100 Just...

00:17:12.360 I hate that kind of stuff.

00:17:13.340 Just...

00:17:13.840 I don't hate it, but I don't like it, man.

00:17:15.700 I don't like that kind of stuff.

00:17:18.000 That kind of stuff just makes me uncomfortable.

00:17:22.220 But life, man.

00:17:25.500 Life is a...

00:17:27.320 Life is an uncomfortable thing.

00:17:31.240 Isn't it?

00:17:33.820 Isn't life an uncomfortable thing sometimes?

00:17:37.320 And they don't teach you that in school.

00:17:39.580 They don't have a class that you think for one hour on a Thursday...

00:17:43.060 They'd had everybody meet in the gym.

00:17:45.580 They would have us meet in the gym for anything.

00:17:49.800 Oh, kids are pissing on the heaters.

00:17:52.760 And doing, you know, big yellow steam in there every...

00:17:55.580 You know, every afternoon.

00:17:57.920 And so they got to have a convention in the gym.

00:18:01.660 Tell it, who's pissing?

00:18:02.900 Who's pissing? 1.00

00:18:04.520 We're going to smell everybody's dick. 1.00

00:18:06.860 Who is pissing? 0.99

00:18:08.180 And nobody, of course, admits everybody's dying laughing.

00:18:12.620 But people playing yellow smoke in there. 0.99

00:18:15.220 People playing a little bit of fucking, you know, Vietnam. 0.99

00:18:18.040 A little bit of, you know... 0.99

00:18:22.180 People playing a little bit of Agent Orange or something in there.

00:18:26.460 And pissing on the thing, on the heater.

00:18:29.340 And the toilet. 0.97

00:18:30.680 Toilet.

00:18:33.060 But...

00:18:33.620 Whatever, man.

00:18:35.440 What are we...

00:18:35.760 I don't even know what I'm talking about.

00:18:36.960 Welcome to the podcast.

00:18:38.740 What's going on, man?

00:18:39.960 What have you been up to?

00:18:42.720 Not a thing.

00:18:46.640 There's nothing to be up to.

00:18:48.640 That's why.

00:18:49.620 That's why.

00:18:51.020 That is why.

00:18:53.180 Let's get a call that came in.

00:18:54.460 Here we go.

00:18:56.740 My name's Liv Thompson.

00:18:58.540 I'm from New Albany, Mississippi.

00:19:01.840 And today is my boyfriend's 21st birthday.

00:19:06.520 We've been together for about seven and a half years.

00:19:10.160 And we're...

00:19:10.720 Well, he's 21.

00:19:11.560 I'm 20.

00:19:12.460 But anyways, we're big fans of you. 0.98

00:19:15.040 Damn, y'all been together seven and a half years? 0.98

00:19:19.200 And you guys don't even know how old y'all are? 0.99

00:19:21.420 You guys are young, huh? 1.00

00:19:23.480 God damn, I drink y'all's damn blood, huh? 1.00

00:19:25.880 Onward. 1.00

00:19:26.180 Uh, he took me to your show in Memphis for my birthday this past August.

00:19:31.740 And, um, I was wondering if you could help me out and somehow send me a video of you saying happy birthday, Drew, or happy birthday, Sterling.

00:19:40.840 That's his legal name.

00:19:42.280 Oh, hell yeah.

00:19:43.300 There's nothing I love more than somebody that has a legal name.

00:19:47.900 Don't you love that?

00:19:49.000 What's my name?

00:19:50.720 Oh, my name is Alan, but my legal name is Carondelet.

00:19:57.140 Yeah, my name is, uh, Tucker, but my legal name is Vacuum Nathan. 0.98

00:20:04.180 Nathan, uh, like, damn, your name Vacuum Nathan? 0.99

00:20:08.820 Damn. 0.99

00:20:10.040 Uh, let's hear more. 0.99

00:20:11.420 Sterling, let me hear more about this little MF-er. 1.00

00:20:14.540 Um, that would mean so much to me, and he might shit his pants. 0.88

00:20:19.200 I'm not, I'm not even kidding.

00:20:20.540 I'll, I'll video it for you.

00:20:22.460 No, no, no, honey.

00:20:24.140 I'm trying to stay off the pornography, and you know that, but I appreciate it.

00:20:27.640 Onward.

00:20:28.480 Um, but yeah, my number is,

00:20:34.180 let me try him real quick.

00:20:44.820 Let me try this young buck and see if we can get, get him on the line real quick. 0.99

00:20:48.460 I'm going to wish him a damn HB. 0.99

00:20:50.760 He deserves it, I think. 0.99

00:20:53.300 What have you been doing, man?

00:20:55.040 That's what I'm going to ask him.

00:21:01.820 What is her name, Bethany?

00:21:02.940 I'm sorry.

00:21:21.080 Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.

00:21:24.780 Is not available.

00:21:31.700 At the tone, please record your message.

00:21:34.620 When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.

00:21:38.740 Happy birthday to Drew.

00:21:51.480 Happy birthday to Drew.

00:21:57.080 Legal name's Sterling.

00:21:58.700 Happy birthday to Drew.

00:22:15.160 Happy birthday to Drew.

00:22:23.480 What's up, Drew's girlfriend?

00:22:24.980 Friend, this is Theo Vaughn.

00:22:25.840 I'm just calling, just, uh, I wanted to say thank you for the call, and for, uh, offering

00:22:29.820 me the opportunity to wish Drew Sterling a happy birthday.

00:22:33.060 And, um, and I hope he lives it up, man.

00:22:36.820 You guys are in quarantine.

00:22:38.240 I hope you guys make it happen.

00:22:39.960 Get y'all a baby.

00:22:40.920 Get y'all a something.

00:22:42.140 You know, adopt a little Dalmatian. 0.98

00:22:44.280 Do something nasty. 0.96

00:22:45.280 Do something wild. 1.00

00:22:46.120 Or get a baby and put little black spots on him. 1.00

00:22:49.460 Get that spotted baby. 1.00

00:22:50.880 That little, uh, Patrick Mahomes.

00:22:53.400 Boy, that Patty Maha. 1.00

00:22:55.380 You can do it.

00:22:56.780 And I love you, man.

00:22:57.880 I just want to tell you guys, I love you.

00:22:59.380 Send this to Drew for me, because, um, you only left his number on here.

00:23:03.660 But, uh, happy birthday, man.

00:23:05.460 And keep your head up out there.

00:23:07.140 And I'd ask you what you've been doing, but nobody's been doing anything.

00:23:12.120 Dang, so, uh, you guys be well, gang.

00:23:18.360 Man, I'm feisty today, I feel.

00:23:21.200 That's how I feel.

00:23:23.180 I feel feisty.

00:23:26.340 I feel feisty.

00:23:28.400 Um, I just feel, I feel feist-strated.

00:23:33.740 That's what I feel like. 0.87

00:23:35.700 I feel damn feist-strated, but there's nothing to watch, dude. 0.72

00:23:38.960 There's nothing, there's nothing to watch. 0.75

00:23:42.780 There's nothing.

00:23:43.900 Let's take some calls.

00:23:45.000 That's what we do have.

00:23:45.920 We have each other.

00:23:48.040 So, let's get a few calls in here.

00:23:50.060 Gang, brother, onward.

00:23:52.320 Theo, what up?

00:23:54.000 It's your boy, Nathan, from Minneapolis.

00:23:57.260 Dirty Nate over there from Minneapolis.

00:24:00.320 And, you know, Nick Schwartzen is from over there.

00:24:02.440 And he really, that man is really, they call him the, he really has, uh, actually, he told me the other day he has coronaria, which is when you have, um, you know, fluid, stool, and also corvid, baby. 0.99

00:24:18.880 Gang shit. 0.99

00:24:19.580 Onward. 1.00

00:24:19.840 And, uh, I'm just calling to say thanks.

00:24:24.600 I was just listening to, uh, one of the episodes from the other week.

00:24:29.120 I think it was called Perspective Gadget, and you got on this tear about, uh, items on a sail rack, and that shit just, I don't even know how to describe how funny that was to me. 0.95

00:24:42.880 I started kicking the air. 0.91

00:24:45.100 I'm by myself, outside my place, doing a little American spirit, and cracking up so hard that I just started kicking the air.

00:24:54.680 I have no idea where that's.

00:24:55.740 Oh, yeah.

00:24:56.400 That O2 dojo, bro.

00:24:58.440 That's that O2 dojo.

00:25:00.220 When you just start kicking the air, bro. 1.00

00:25:02.420 Wait till you fucking put the air into a damn rear naked choke. 1.00

00:25:06.300 Wait till you start doing that. 1.00

00:25:07.740 Wait till you start getting to that next level.

00:25:10.420 Where you freaking, uh, you know what I'm saying?

00:25:12.500 You climb up on the top rope and jump onto nothing.

00:25:15.700 And just leg drop absolutely nothing at all. 1.00

00:25:18.620 Gang shit. 0.99

00:25:19.300 That's where that came from, but that's what you brought to my life. 1.00

00:25:22.400 So thanks, man.

00:25:24.260 Uh, love you.

00:25:26.080 Love you too, brother.

00:25:27.080 Thank you for the call, man.

00:25:28.260 Thank you for the call out there.

00:25:29.240 Getting some vibe and enjoying yourself and, and just feeling something.

00:25:33.580 Um, yeah, there's like, there's, there's no sports.

00:25:39.560 There's no sports.

00:25:41.660 So, I mean, and some people are stuck in there.

00:25:46.000 Imagine if you are a person who has to often is doesn't work at home and your wife and you

00:25:53.000 guys don't spend much time together.

00:25:54.400 It's been like that for years.

00:25:55.520 And suddenly y'all are stuck together.

00:26:01.780 I wonder how these domestics are doing. 0.99

00:26:05.160 If anybody out there is an officer of the law, I would love to know if you could hit the hotline

00:26:09.180 nine, eight, five, six, six, four, nine, five, zero, three, and let us know if, uh, the amount of

00:26:15.240 domestics has gone up.

00:26:17.460 Yeah.

00:26:17.960 There's no sports, anything, anything, anything could become a sport.

00:26:24.840 I mean, they're going to put, you know, ESPN, one of the famed networks, famed sporting

00:26:32.480 networks, they're having, um, they're showing down people, you know, they have a Charles

00:26:39.980 Barkley making a casserole now.

00:26:42.600 I mean, anything could be a sport.

00:26:43.720 Domestic disputes.

00:26:44.800 I wouldn't be surprised if that becomes, you know, if they start to make leagues or a 0.99

00:26:50.560 tournament, you know, like, Oh damn, you know, Tiffany sure beat the shit out of Randall 1.00

00:26:57.680 last week, but it's best two out of three. 0.98

00:27:01.440 So let's see how this shakes out.

00:27:04.520 Um, let's take another call.

00:27:06.440 Here we go.

00:27:07.220 Oh my God.

00:27:08.080 Oh my God, dude.

00:27:09.480 I'm trying, trying to get through.

00:27:11.580 Chris D'Elia is a special right now and I mean, I got to just know why does he have

00:27:18.000 so many holes in his black shirt?

00:27:22.600 Well, first of all, yeah, I do want to let you know, Chris, uh, D'Elia, you may have heard

00:27:27.880 of him up and coming, um, comedian from, I think, where is he from?

00:27:34.060 I want to say maybe Key West or something.

00:27:38.040 I don't know where he's from, but he, um, has a special out on Netflix.

00:27:42.180 I recommend you check it out.

00:27:43.040 It's called no pain.

00:27:45.280 Uh, and I'll tell you why he has holes in his shirt because he's incomplete brother.

00:27:55.540 You know who doesn't have any holes in their black shirt?

00:27:57.760 I'll give you a 7,000 guesses, bro.

00:28:04.820 Moi.

00:28:06.520 That's French guess right there. 0.77

00:28:08.760 And that's the correct answer.

00:28:10.380 All right.

00:28:13.440 Cause he's incomplete, man.

00:28:16.040 I'm surprised.

00:28:17.000 I bet if you look in my, in my, in my drawers right here, you will find the pieces of his

00:28:21.640 shirt that are missing because he don't have that fulfillment, man.

00:28:25.600 He don't, he don't have, he's, he don't have that.

00:28:28.220 He doesn't have that.

00:28:29.500 He can't fill you up like daddy can knock, knock.

00:28:34.340 Who's there?

00:28:35.120 Daddy with a cup of whatever you need.

00:28:39.660 So that's why he's got holes in his shirt because that's who he is.

00:28:45.680 He shows up almost all the way in complete.

00:28:57.040 It's a good special.

00:28:58.400 It's a good special.

00:28:59.480 I recommend you guys check it out.

00:29:00.660 But if you want to know why he's got the holes in his shirt, that's why.

00:29:07.420 Let's take another call, man.

00:29:09.280 Thank you guys for hitting the hotline.

00:29:11.000 And, um, let me do this too.

00:29:13.920 Let me tell you also, if you're bored in your house, which you have to be, you know why?

00:29:18.400 Because what you've been up to, not a, not a, not a, not a, not a, not a, not a, not a.

00:29:24.820 Literally, I fell asleep with half a mouthful of bugles and I had just went to bed.

00:29:31.120 I just ate half of a carton of frosting and I'm playing hide and go seek with my kid and I've been hiding for four hours and he's never going to find me because I drove down the block to the supermarket parking lot and I'm sitting here in my car and watching other men sit in their cars.

00:29:56.900 And speaking of that, when I was growing up, they had, um, you know, they had, uh, a lot of men and adult men.

00:30:13.420 I mean, not, uh, not like real hairy kids. 0.99

00:30:19.420 I'm talking about fully adult men, a man, you could tell he had, uh, the kind of guy who's not afraid to put a, you know, half a mouthful of Copenhagen in between his penis and his nuts and take the dip in that way, that long route. 0.97

00:30:35.320 When I was young, a lot of men, different men, troubled men, men who had holes in their shirts type of guys, um, you know, older men as well. 0.96

00:30:53.120 Guys like Brian Callen who, you know, I don't know if you know him or not.

00:30:56.860 But he's a, he kind of, he modeled for a bit.

00:31:00.840 He modeled for actually he, he, Elf in the Shelf is based on him, his body type and, and, uh, mythical youth.

00:31:11.340 Um, but a lot of men would go to the Winn-Dixie and park out in front of it and, uh, cry and stuff in their car and drink and, and, um,

00:31:25.840 Um, it was, this was before they had self-help and all of that. 0.97

00:31:31.120 This before you could get help for yourself and men would drive over there and, you know, drink and sit in their truck, drink, pleasure themselves sometime with a, um, booklet with a, uh, pussy booklet, you know, a lot of, and I hate to say that word, sorry. 0.90

00:31:48.300 And I should have told you I was going to say it and I, I'm sorry I didn't, but I'm telling you right now, I, I'm going to say it one more time right now. 0.99

00:31:56.260 So if you don't like hearing it, don't hear it when I say it, but a man would get out there and get a pussy booklet and touch, they touch their penis and, you know, keep petting their own penis until, uh, until something came out of their body. 1.00

00:32:13.160 A little bit of EJAC, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:32:17.140 That body sauce, bro.

00:32:19.640 A little bit of God's front wash, you know what I'm saying? 0.96

00:32:22.360 That starter, that starter sauce.

00:32:25.340 But with that said, um, this episode is brought to you by better help.

00:32:34.380 Better help is a real and forthright group that will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.

00:32:43.920 Now, if you've ever seen any of my life or heard anything about me, you know, I have been to countless hours of therapy and, um, and I've also experienced therapy through better help, uh, with better help, you can start communicating in under 24 hours.

00:33:02.320 So it's, it's not a crisis line, but it is a line where if you feel a sense of just that you need something more for any type of mental or emotional distress you're dealing with that they can help.

00:33:16.720 It's professional counseling is what it is.

00:33:19.720 And there's a broad range of expertise, uh, in their counselor network, which may not be locally available to you in your area.

00:33:27.180 Uh, you can get on better help.

00:33:29.020 You can log into your account and anytime and send a message to your counselor and you can say, Hey, can we, can we chat today?

00:33:35.640 Can we chat tomorrow?

00:33:36.920 You could text, just say, Hey, I want to check in about something.

00:33:39.420 I'm struggling with this, you know, struggling with that.

00:33:43.340 You know, Martha won't let me, you know, hang out at the house with my friends or Martha just bought a coffin and is chiseling my name into the side of it. 0.99

00:33:53.400 Should I be alarmed?

00:33:55.760 Yeah, you should.

00:33:57.460 With better help.

00:33:58.320 You'll get timely and thoughtful responses.

00:34:00.480 Plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions.

00:34:02.920 You will never have to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room as with traditional therapy.

00:34:08.240 Better help.

00:34:08.660 Wants you to start living a happier life today.

00:34:11.780 You know, if you, you having a tough day, you struggling, you hit your counselor up, you know, Hey, Hey counselor, I'm struggling, but I, but I, bam.

00:34:19.540 Oh yeah.

00:34:20.100 Let's chat today at 2 PM.

00:34:21.840 Anywhere you are, you could FaceTime anything.

00:34:23.820 Better help wants you to start living a happier life today.

00:34:27.580 Visit betterhelp.com slash T-H-E-O. 0.99

00:34:31.380 That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P. 1.00

00:34:35.440 And join the over half of million people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

00:34:43.240 Special offer for this past weekend.

00:34:45.300 And listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash T-H-E-O.

00:34:52.880 And grateful to them for better help.

00:34:57.000 Let's take another call here.

00:34:58.580 As always, the hotline 985-664-9503. 0.94

00:35:03.580 We've got some responses coming up to, uh, the Domino's pizza delivery guy who had seen his life hit a real shit curb and he wanted to tighten up his, uh, ability and, and really get, um, you know, that guy thought he was just gonna, I mean, that guy didn't know if he was about to lock his own, you know, just duct tape a damn hot pizza to the side of his head or what.

00:35:26.920 And we got some, uh, some stuff for him. 0.97

00:35:30.180 Sorry, I'm fucking, I'm on some coffee, bro. 0.97

00:35:32.200 I'll be honest. 0.98

00:35:32.660 I've been off coffee for about 10 days, maybe 12, probably 10. 1.00

00:35:37.440 And that shit today, bro, I had a cup, dog. 1.00

00:35:41.180 Mm-mm. 1.00

00:35:42.980 Bro, I feel like, honestly, I could reach into my own butt and, and, and find something new. 0.96

00:35:51.480 That's how, I mean, that's where I'm kind of coming from at this moment. 0.93

00:35:54.480 So, this coffee got me shook, man. 0.99

00:35:57.620 Got me shook up, bro, like a damn Christmas globe, you know. 0.99

00:36:03.320 And I remember one time I went to India and I bought a Christmas globe because things are hella cheap in India. 0.99

00:36:11.140 I mean, like a nickel, a dime, a 50 cent.

00:36:15.380 And I got a Christmas globe, uh, in there and inside of it, it had a picture of a snowman.

00:36:21.720 And he had a little sign and it said, just married Christmas.

00:36:29.540 That's what it said on it.

00:36:31.900 And that's one thing I loved about India. 0.98

00:36:33.880 You, you could get things that, and they fucked it up every time. 0.99

00:36:37.080 They fucked it up. 0.94

00:36:39.060 It would say, happy Halloween, right? 0.98

00:36:41.280 And it would have a picture of the Easter rabbit.

00:36:44.640 And in his basket, he would have like a, um, he would have like a little, uh, they, in his basket, he would have like a basketball in there.

00:36:55.760 And it would say, Merry Christmas. 1.00

00:36:58.640 You're like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:37:01.980 But that's India, bro. 1.00

00:37:03.280 If you want some real fucking wild shit, go to India, dog. 1.00

00:37:07.060 They got it. 1.00

00:37:08.580 And you could walk as far as you want in India. 0.96

00:37:11.840 They don't give a damn. 0.92

00:37:14.180 If you want to walk somewhere, start walking, dog. 0.96

00:37:17.960 The cops pull you over.

00:37:19.020 Where are you going?

00:37:20.120 Uh, Delhi.

00:37:21.220 New Delhi.

00:37:22.080 Old Delhi.

00:37:24.100 Double, double Delhi, dog.

00:37:25.920 And they'll be like, well, when, when are you going to get there?

00:37:30.920 You're like, I'm supposed to get there in November.

00:37:33.620 I'm like, all right, good luck.

00:37:35.640 Dude, you could get out of any crime.

00:37:38.640 You know, I was supposed to be in Nashville the other day, this past weekend, for, uh, for that comedy show, Friday night.

00:37:44.540 And, and I'm so sorry that that didn't happen.

00:37:47.780 And, uh, yeah, I just, I wish I got to see everybody.

00:37:51.900 I miss it.

00:37:52.640 You know, I miss being able to be out there and, and seeing people.

00:37:56.580 And I'm glad I'm having, I'm, I'm feeling that way.

00:37:58.480 I'm glad I'm, you know, I'm just missing everybody.

00:38:02.800 You know, I miss, uh, I just, I don't know.

00:38:07.560 I mean, I just, I just miss everybody.

00:38:14.380 So I guess that's one thing when people say, what have you been doing?

00:38:16.860 I guess I've been missing everybody.

00:38:19.540 You know, let's take some other calls.

00:38:22.320 It came here.

00:38:22.920 Here we go.

00:38:24.360 Hey, Theo.

00:38:25.320 My name's Tony from Wichita, Kansas.

00:38:28.580 Hey there, Tony.

00:38:30.680 And Tony is a nickname also for Anthony or, um, uh, Antonio.

00:38:38.520 Onward?

00:38:38.960 Um, I'm just listening to your podcast right now.

00:38:42.320 And you're talking about the seniors not being able to have prom and all we've missed.

00:38:47.160 And I'm one of those, uh, students.

00:38:49.620 I'm a senior this year, uh, canceled prom.

00:38:52.800 Um, I don't know when I'm going to be able to walk the stage for graduation.

00:38:57.000 My birthday is on April 17th and I was going to sign at my school to a college for wrestling.

00:39:02.820 And now I can't have any of that.

00:39:05.920 And it's just, man, it's hard doing online school, being stuck in the house all day.

00:39:12.320 Um, man, I love your show.

00:39:14.560 Gang. 0.66

00:39:16.040 Gang, brother.

00:39:16.940 Yeah, that's, I mean, I, I, I mean, I can't imagine.

00:39:24.020 We talked a little bit about it last week.

00:39:26.100 I can't imagine that.

00:39:28.640 You know, you can't, you, you know, you got to sneak around if you want to touch a titty or do something.

00:39:34.060 And at your age, I look, I'm going to say this.

00:39:37.000 I'm going to tell you, you know, at your age, there's probably some women you're like, I don't know if I'm really into them. 0.86

00:39:43.100 But if they want to mingle, touch that titty, baby, okay? 0.72

00:39:48.120 Because later in life, you will want to remember touching it. 0.79

00:39:52.420 Even if it was mediocre.

00:39:55.720 You know, I remember a girl over there in, um, North Carolina.

00:40:01.480 And that's one of the premier 50 states over there near the East Coast, but kind of in the South, kind of, people kind of don't know where it is.

00:40:09.060 And it starts with North, even though it's in the South. 0.57

00:40:11.480 So it's obviously also lost.

00:40:15.580 But a beautiful place, man.

00:40:17.120 They got mountains.

00:40:17.880 They got valleys. 1.00

00:40:18.540 They got all kind of shit. 0.99

00:40:20.920 Uh, and the, um, what was I talking about? 1.00

00:40:26.940 Oh, they had a girl there. 1.00

00:40:28.780 Her breasts felt like a pair of damn, uh, shit diapers, really. 1.00

00:40:34.240 You know, baby diapers. 1.00

00:40:35.400 And when you squeak, you ever seen a baby's diaper when it's full?

00:40:41.360 If you get that hot little, that bottom sack on a baby and they fill that thing up, that thing. 1.00

00:40:47.740 There's nothing more kind of fun, really, than seeing a full diaper hang off a baby's bottom. 1.00

00:40:52.700 That shit is funny. 1.00

00:40:54.280 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:40:54.980 That baby is badass.

00:40:57.840 That's kind of the Tony Stewart of babies.

00:41:00.280 If you see a bunch of babies run around in an oval or a big track or circle or even just run by you. 0.99

00:41:07.100 And you see a couple of them got clean diapers and then that one baby goes by with that fucking fat back caboose, bro. 0.99

00:41:15.440 And that thing is just, you know, that, that rump has been chunking, bro. 0.99

00:41:20.500 Or that thing's been front dripping, dog. 0.53

00:41:22.540 And that diaper is full. 0.99

00:41:24.620 God damn, there's something really. 0.99

00:41:27.060 You're like, oh, that's the Tony Stewart of babies right there. 1.00

00:41:30.880 Um, but anyway, this lady's breasts were like that. 1.00

00:41:34.540 And when you kind of squeezed them, they stayed in the shape you squeezed them in.

00:41:41.560 Which is unprecedented, really.

00:41:43.800 If you think about that.

00:41:46.680 You know, really think about it.

00:41:48.040 Think about a, uh, a titty or something that looks like a titty.

00:41:53.680 Okay, think about it.

00:41:55.640 You got the thought?

00:41:57.660 Okay, now squeeze it or something.

00:42:01.020 Now take your hand off. 1.00

00:42:02.360 And it stays in the squeezed shape.

00:42:05.420 And you didn't squeeze hard.

00:42:06.540 You squeezed just a decent amount.

00:42:08.960 You know, you squeezed just a cozy, the normal amount of squeeze a titty would want.

00:42:16.260 And it stays like that.

00:42:18.320 Praise God, brother.

00:42:20.060 But that's how this lady, so. 1.00

00:42:21.300 So, and I remember the next day I'd ridden up there with a band, a group of, um, a group

00:42:28.940 of musicians.

00:42:29.980 What were they called?

00:42:31.500 This is when I was living in Charleston, South Carolina over there.

00:42:37.060 Um, this band, man, they let me get on stage sometimes.

00:42:42.780 And I would wear small shirts and the shirts didn't fit me that well.

00:42:47.040 Cause I hit a late growth spurt in my, and, but I hadn't really purchased, made any purchases

00:42:53.040 to, to, you know, really cover myself since the spurt.

00:42:59.700 And, um, geez, I'm going off track.

00:43:05.160 Uh, what I'm telling you is this, dude, that if you get a chance, bruh, go and you, you

00:43:15.040 just, you, you'll, you won't regret it.

00:43:17.200 Usually you won't regret reaching for that opportune tit, bruh.

00:43:23.140 Now, you won't regret it, man.

00:43:27.920 You're not going to think years later, man, good thing I didn't, you know, put a couple 1.00

00:43:32.440 dollars in the tank and go over there and touch a little breast, touch that fucking big 1.00

00:43:37.200 front knuckle. 1.00

00:43:38.060 You feel me?

00:43:40.500 So, but anyway, man, what was your problem?

00:43:42.640 Yeah, dude, I'm sorry.

00:43:43.460 You can't go to prom, man. 1.00

00:43:44.460 That shit is heartbreaking. 1.00

00:43:45.840 And, and that, you know, not to imagine being a senior in high school. 1.00

00:43:50.020 It's your, you're so excited.

00:43:51.940 You know, it's your year, man.

00:43:54.580 You get to walk around.

00:43:55.820 One of your friends has a beard. 1.00

00:43:57.100 All of a sudden you're like, damn, Jake. 0.99

00:43:59.620 He's like, yeah, I know. 0.99

00:44:02.120 Oh yeah.

00:44:03.760 Oh, you know, things are happening.

00:44:07.960 One of your, you know, one of your friends gets knocked up little D'Andra. 1.00

00:44:12.120 You're like, damn D'Andra. 0.99

00:44:17.260 Just going on in, huh? 1.00

00:44:19.860 Yeah.

00:44:20.260 I'm going to have a guess.

00:44:21.220 I'm going to keep it.

00:44:23.120 Oh, hi, D'Andra.

00:44:25.340 You know, people are making choices.

00:44:27.080 One of your, and you don't get that.

00:44:29.380 You don't get to see that every day.

00:44:30.440 You don't get that experience, man.

00:44:32.840 I mean, I am real sorry, man.

00:44:34.980 It's heartbreaking, bro.

00:44:36.740 It's heartbreaking.

00:44:37.520 But I think that there's going to be others.

00:44:40.700 So there's going to be some other great experience in your life that's going to happen because of this.

00:44:46.420 There's going to be some way that this shakes out.

00:44:48.720 That's going to be pretty awesome, man.

00:44:52.220 Will it be as awesome as your senior year of high school, though?

00:44:56.520 People I do not know, bro.

00:44:58.060 I don't want to lie to you, man.

00:45:00.600 And to not have prom.

00:45:03.580 Think about people not having prom right now.

00:45:06.220 That's got to be hectic.

00:45:11.240 Not having prom.

00:45:13.700 There's youngsters missing the prom.

00:45:16.860 That's why I said that we should have Amazon prom.

00:45:20.080 You get a box in the mail.

00:45:21.620 It's got a whole prom in it in the box.

00:45:24.440 You know, it's $13.

00:45:25.860 It's $60 for the upsell.

00:45:28.980 You know, you get the, you know, you get the whole thing in the box.

00:45:32.260 You get a little thing of lights, some Christmas lights.

00:45:37.520 You know, you get a poster.

00:45:38.700 It says, you know, a night to remember or, you know, a walk in a smog or something.

00:45:45.800 You get that.

00:45:48.280 You know, you get a corset.

00:45:52.100 You get a, you know, you get a picture of two people eating overpriced Italian food.

00:45:57.800 You get, you get, then you get somebody vomits and for an extra $13 so that they, somebody vomits in your car an hour later.

00:46:05.620 That's prom.

00:46:07.040 That's Amazon prom.

00:46:09.640 You know, Tiffany don't have a bra. 1.00

00:46:11.360 So she got to borrow a Janet's, you know, one of Janet's a piece of leg hosiery.

00:46:16.800 Hosiery, you know, a, what is that called?

00:46:22.640 Panty.

00:46:23.360 One of them, you know, a, a, a, a, a leg.

00:46:28.900 Looks like, like a panty.

00:46:30.380 You know what I'm talking about?

00:46:31.060 They got to tie a, um, what is that?

00:46:36.260 Hosiery.

00:46:36.780 They got to tie a hosiery under a breast and they got to borrow that.

00:46:40.860 That's Amazon.

00:46:41.660 One of those is in there.

00:46:42.640 You know, you get a hit of acid.

00:46:45.860 Somebody gave you don't even work.

00:46:47.960 That's in there too.

00:46:48.880 That's $6, dude.

00:46:49.980 You got it.

00:46:51.620 Amazon prom.

00:46:52.600 You get everything.

00:46:54.240 You get that angry parent that shows up when you making out with, uh, you know, with a girl. 0.99

00:46:59.340 Everybody calls fucking big Reno. 0.99

00:47:02.080 That's her nickname. 0.99

00:47:03.080 And you know, her mom comes out y'all in a damn Mazda over there, Mazda S six or whatever. 1.00

00:47:09.260 And she comes out and tries to fist fight you in the yard because y'all over there necking. 1.00

00:47:15.320 You know, you get to pretend like your date's dress looks good, even though she, it looks absolutely ridiculous. 0.95

00:47:21.280 That's prom, bro. 0.95

00:47:22.120 That's Amazon prom.

00:47:23.000 You get all that in the box, man.

00:47:25.760 You get all that in the box.

00:47:28.140 This mic just broke.

00:47:30.760 Whatever.

00:47:31.980 It's life, man.

00:47:33.080 But dude, I love you, man.

00:47:34.080 And I'm sorry.

00:47:34.580 You don't, you, you don't get that.

00:47:35.820 And look, I'm a, you know, you, you don't get that special.

00:47:42.860 You don't get to go over at somebody's house and there's a keg and some, one of your friends 0.98

00:47:47.160 fucking gets alcohol poisoning has to go to the emergency room. 0.98

00:47:50.700 You don't get it. 1.00

00:47:52.380 You know, it's heartbreaking.

00:47:54.640 You don't get to take photos.

00:47:56.220 And then you have to take a big group photo with a group of people.

00:48:00.100 You don't even freaking know.

00:48:01.560 And that costs you an extra $6. 0.66

00:48:04.580 And everybody's got acne.

00:48:06.940 You don't even, I mean, people hitting growth spurts, even somebody starts at the prime.

00:48:11.700 They're five, two.

00:48:12.400 When they get there, they five, seven. 0.96

00:48:13.680 When they leave, you don't even fucking know what happened to earnest. 0.94

00:48:17.600 Who knows, bro? 0.96

00:48:19.500 Who knows?

00:48:20.260 But I love you, man.

00:48:23.160 Be safe out there. 0.99

00:48:25.000 Damn, this coffee's got me fucking jacked up. 1.00

00:48:30.600 Let me tell you this, man. 1.00

00:48:31.860 If you're not taking care of your crotch and area, now's the time. 0.98

00:48:35.720 And now really is the time. 0.96

00:48:38.100 This episode is brought to you by Manscaped.

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00:51:02.540 It's a good way to help support the podcast as well.

00:51:06.060 What else?

00:51:07.040 Oh, I was thinking about this, that I have a prediction that Hillary Clinton is going to end up running against Donald Trump's.

00:51:24.140 And here's what's going to happen.

00:51:25.960 Because Joe Biden's is really, I mean, he's disappeared.

00:51:30.220 I don't know.

00:51:31.700 He just, he's aging quickly, it seems like.

00:51:35.720 And if he's not, then I believe it's being made to look like he is, right?

00:51:43.320 So if he is physically unable to run, which can happen, they, the delegates, the, the, I don't know if it's, I don't know this part.

00:51:59.860 But the Democratic Party, I don't know who, I don't know exactly how, but this is true, that the Democratic Party can put up a new candidate.

00:52:08.300 They can just say, oh, he's too sick.

00:52:11.940 You know, he can, he can say, I'm too sick.

00:52:13.500 I can't do it.

00:52:14.240 I can't, for whatever reason.

00:52:15.180 And then at the last minute, they can just put, this is our candidate.

00:52:18.400 So I have a feeling that that's what they're going to do.

00:52:21.780 That the Democratic Party is going to slip Hillary in there the last second. 1.00

00:52:25.320 Because it takes off the road.

00:52:27.740 It's all that, that beat down on the road, all that hard, the, you know, the, you know, Biden took that, he took all of that, that commotion.

00:52:41.560 He took all the commotion that was going on and then he kind of took all the bullets and then Hillary going to show up there at the last second. 1.00

00:52:47.760 So I just have a feeling, man, because if that, that's a true thing.

00:52:52.740 Like, I think Frank, Franklin Roosevelt had done a couple of terms and then he was too sick.

00:52:58.260 He was too sick, I think, to, to run during like his last term or something or when he was running for his last term.

00:53:06.420 He was too sick to run and they had to sub him out.

00:53:10.340 They basically subbed him out.

00:53:12.260 So you can, people can be subbed out.

00:53:15.440 And they don't have to go through like a whole, like everyone doesn't have to vote again from their party and stuff like that.

00:53:22.940 They just, uh, the delegates choose.

00:53:26.840 The delegates choose like, okay, this is who we've decided.

00:53:29.880 Boom.

00:53:31.060 So just kind of wild.

00:53:32.820 But that's my predictions, man.

00:53:34.680 I predict that that's going to happen.

00:53:35.920 I just wanted to get that out there.

00:53:37.580 Um, what else?

00:53:40.980 Let's get to a couple more calls here, man.

00:53:42.800 Here we go.

00:53:43.600 Yo, Theo, it's Austin from Cap, California.

00:53:48.880 Hey, Austin.

00:53:49.840 Thanks for calling, brother.

00:53:51.700 I got a little question to ask.

00:53:55.500 Since they're planning on doing vaccines for this, uh, coronavirus.

00:53:59.900 Let's just say it turns into I am legend and turns everybody into zombies.

00:54:07.860 If I don't get it, do I run for the hills with my girlfriend or do I leave her behind and take my little shih tzu puppies, Matt and Cooper?

00:54:21.040 I appreciate your input.

00:54:24.040 Thank you.

00:54:24.580 Man, it's very, you know, that's a sad scenario, brother.

00:54:29.900 And, um, and I think the, you know, it's hard, it's hard, it's hard to choose, but you take Max and Cooper.

00:54:39.540 You take Max and Cooper, man.

00:54:41.060 Um, and I wish the three of you guys the best of luck, man.

00:54:46.000 I mean, imagine that you're going to make, be able to make beautiful TikToks with those animals.

00:54:48.740 Um, let's take another call, man.

00:54:52.520 Here we go.

00:54:53.180 Gang. 0.66

00:54:54.360 What's up, Theo?

00:54:55.500 It's Andrew from Texas.

00:54:57.820 Uh, just listening to your past, uh, podcast.

00:55:01.800 And, you know, you were saying a lot of stuff about how, you know, if you choose to have kids, maybe that's on you if you ain't got food at home and government's not supposed to take care of you.

00:55:10.700 I agree with that.

00:55:12.000 But at the same time, a lot of people are out of work right now.

00:55:17.040 A lot of people don't have, they're not getting a paycheck, you know, so it's like, you know, a lot of people were living paycheck to paycheck to begin with.

00:55:24.120 I know you know what that's like.

00:55:26.180 And, uh, you know, a lot of times people don't have food for their kids, you know, past paycheck to paycheck.

00:55:32.240 And then, and then now all of a sudden, uh, they got no job.

00:55:36.800 So, you know, I think that's just something to be mindful of when you, you've got a lot of listeners that, uh, you know, kind of rely on you for positive influence and advice.

00:55:45.420 And, uh, maybe just take it easy on people a little bit right now.

00:55:49.220 A lot of people are out of work and that's not their fault, you know, it's not really necessarily on them. 0.98

00:55:54.380 And, and when the government shuts shit down, maybe it's on the government to pick shit back up, give people some fucking paychecks. 0.98

00:56:01.880 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:56:02.340 So, so gang brother, uh, I appreciate the call, man.

00:56:07.220 I appreciate the constructive, uh, you know, not even criticism.

00:56:11.240 I wouldn't call it.

00:56:11.920 I would just say, I appreciate your, your, uh, your thoughts, man.

00:56:16.460 Um, yeah, I think what I, what I was, you know, and this is from last episode.

00:56:21.620 But I remember I was talking about, um, you know, that it's, it's our responsibility.

00:56:27.500 Like you're, your parent, you're, your children's government that if something, you know, your kids don't have something, it's really, and I don't have children, but it is, you're going to be, your kids look at you as their government.

00:56:41.360 You know, um, yeah, I don't know if I was really saying that I, you know, and maybe I should not clarify, but I think I was saying more that our government is just like, uh, it's just, I just think this is a good time for us to recognize that we, we need to be prepared.

00:57:05.380 You know, we need to be prepared for stuff.

00:57:07.300 I mean, this past week I went and bought a bunch of water, you know, I went and got,

00:57:11.360 I went and got extra can goes, I went and got extra things that I could have at home, uh, to make sure that I'm prepared.

00:57:20.300 Um, you know, the government's just kind of a system.

00:57:23.200 It's just a, you know, it's something that, that we've created.

00:57:27.320 And yes, like we, you know, we look to them for support and for like struck some, you know, to keep things structured.

00:57:35.740 But when they start to break down, like, you know, we're going to be left with ourselves.

00:57:42.380 If the government breaks down completely, we're going to be left with ourselves.

00:57:46.420 Um, and I think that's really scary to think.

00:57:50.880 I'm sure it's way scary if you have children, you know, because you grow, you know, we've, you've, we've, we've become accustomed to a society that, you know, we're able to, you know, we have a job because the job exists because of the markets and the capitalism.

00:58:07.140 And, you know, it's all, and, and then that job gives us a paycheck and we're able to provide for our families.

00:58:14.580 Um, but I think I was just saying more that, that, that system is, it's just a, you know, it's a system that we've been really blessed with here in America that we're really fortunate to have.

00:58:28.680 And as scary as it is that, that, that's, that's just a, it's just a system and it's just a structure and it's, and it could, it could fall apart.

00:58:41.800 You know, it could fall apart.

00:58:44.500 And then at that point we're going to be responsible, uh, completely responsible for ourselves.

00:58:51.860 Um, so yeah, I don't think I was saying as much like, oh, you know, like, you know, like if you, if you have to work paycheck to paycheck right now that, you know, that you're fucked up or there's anything wrong with you or, um, you know, like at that,

00:59:11.640 that that's oh jesus christ i don't know why why don't i do something different for

00:59:17.940 to make my life okay but um i don't know man i don't know what i'm talking about dude i don't

00:59:26.920 know what i'm talking about bro okay do not know what i'm talking about i'm just saying that we

00:59:32.980 gotta we gotta look out for ourselves you know we really have to and it's probably really scary

00:59:37.420 if you have children but we have to look out for ourselves we gotta try our best to and i think

00:59:41.700 that this is a reminder in a way that that there's a whole other system that's going on that's just a

00:59:47.380 system of like existing um and and this makes that kind of like you know we we are in such this

00:59:56.240 comfortable hammock of of this society that we live in of this structure we're really it really shows

01:00:06.440 you just how lucky we are to be able to navigate within this kind of comfortable structure where

01:00:12.140 the where there are programs for if we can't work or we can't survive that there's programs in place

01:00:20.420 to help us um but then also this kind of perks up that other side of me that that animal side that's

01:00:27.600 like well what if that goes away what if something happens am i going to be able to take care of

01:00:33.740 myself do i have have i started to think of what my plan would be um and maybe that kind of thing

01:00:42.080 alone is just a is just too dark of a thought to really present so um but i hope you're doing well

01:00:48.880 man i hope you're taking care of you and your kiddos out there it sounds like you know uh that your

01:00:53.200 family is one thing that's first and foremost on your mind and and i think that that's real commendable

01:00:58.360 man uh gang brother um we had a caller last week a fellow that called in young buck and he was having

01:01:06.980 issues he was doing dominoes and delivering um hot pie and we've all had it you know we've all had a

01:01:17.180 little bit of dominoes and oh and one thing i don't know if you knew this about dominoes somebody sent me

01:01:22.900 this dm the other day and uh told me this but dominoes pizza used to have a character called the

01:01:28.640 noid and that's not a racial slur or anything that's a um it's like a cartoon it was like a dirty

01:01:36.440 cartoon boy that you know was sneaky and was kind of italian i don't i think he wanted to be italian 0.82

01:01:44.620 it was like a wannabe italian and he would attack um he he on the commercial for dominoes this character

01:01:55.080 the noid n-o-i-d and again that's not any type of a race thing it is a that's what they called him

01:02:02.800 he would attack the uh delivery people or something he would mess up the order and so the pizza was

01:02:10.260 gonna get there late but dominoes they said that we guarantee that won't happen your pizza will be

01:02:16.920 there in 30 minutes and you gotta understand this was unprecedented for somebody to say from the time

01:02:24.220 you call our shop 30 minutes later we're gonna have food at your doorstep dog that's gangster dog 0.99

01:02:37.340 postmates don't even guarantee that shit postmates don't get postmates say could be now could be 70 1.00

01:02:45.620 minutes dude i had a lady one time she was driving it over got hit got in an accident got taken off in a 0.99

01:02:52.760 ambulance my shit said like three hours because she'd been at the hospital for so long it had gone up 1.00

01:02:59.060 to three hours this lady had not dropped off my carl's juniors and this i don't know if she died or 1.00

01:03:07.580 what bro but that shit you know i mean it's a risky game out there when you peddling goods like that but 0.97

01:03:14.160 let me tell you about this the noid was this little character and it was big he had a video game 0.99

01:03:20.800 he had big stuff and dominoes blew it up at that moment they had pizza in 30 minutes what

01:03:29.880 so the noid though uh there was a guy let me tell you what happened so the noid

01:03:38.640 here's what happened on january 30th 1989 kenneth lamar noid a mentally ill man

01:03:49.880 who thought the ad campaign was a personal attack on him entered a dominoes restaurant 0.99

01:03:56.280 in chamblee georgia armed with a 357 gang bro so you know the shit ain't gonna end well 0.99

01:04:04.480 and he held two employees hostage for over five hours can you imagine that 0.99

01:04:09.960 can you imagine first of all you freaking working at dominoes and then second of all the dude rolls

01:04:17.400 over the 357 and held you hostage actually probably it's probably best because you're still on the

01:04:25.280 clock and you don't you can't make any pies i mean i guess you could but the guy might get pissed i

01:04:32.400 guess it's up to him it doesn't say if he ordered any pies or not it just says he held two employees

01:04:37.040 hostage for over five hours after telling the employees that dominoes owner tom monahan had stolen

01:04:43.800 his name because his last name was noid n-o-i-d he forced them to call dominoes headquarters and demand 0.99

01:04:50.660 a hundred grand and a white limousine is getaway transportation what an idiot bro you know how hard 0.99

01:04:58.100 it is to hide in a white in a white limousine very hard bro unless you hide at like a 1.00

01:05:06.160 i don't even know where you'd hide like in a milk flat like in a milk area

01:05:12.900 after offering to exchange one hostage for a copy of the widow's son which i get is some book

01:05:22.160 the noid reneged on his offer after a police brought him the book

01:05:25.880 noid eventually became hungry and forced the employees to make him two special pizzas

01:05:30.460 respect man respect while noid ate the pizzas with his gun in his lap the hostages escaped

01:05:39.320 noid surrendered to the police shortly after after the incident police chief reed miller told reporters 0.98

01:05:46.800 he's paranoid noid was charged with kidnapping aggravated assault uh doesn't say he fucking 0.95

01:05:53.160 assaulted him extortion and possession of a firearm during a crime i wouldn't call going to dominoes a 0.75

01:06:00.620 crime that's kind of judgmental he was found not guilty by reason of insanity gang bro noid spent

01:06:08.640 time in a mental institution but committed suicide in 1995 damn this incident has been insinuated to

01:06:15.960 have caused dominoes pizza to discontinue advertising using the noid as their mascot wow 0.85

01:06:21.940 so there you go that's everything that happened with annoyed and thank you to the young man that

01:06:28.260 sent me sent me a dm and told me that uh what else man what else have i been doing dude nada

01:06:37.040 do it nada same thing you've been doing let's get through this episode man uh oh but some a young

01:06:45.200 fella called and he had some issues with delivering delivering pies and i want to you know some men called

01:06:50.220 in with some responses and uh and i want to share some thoughts uh that they wanted to give you young buck

01:06:55.660 here we go hey this is sean calling from golfport mississippi i just wanted to uh send some advice to that

01:07:04.080 young man that called in and said he was 19 years old and working for dominoes he was delivering pies and

01:07:10.140 didn't feel like he had a direction i just want to say brother look you're 19 you're not supposed to have a direction

01:07:17.000 but you have a job and you're a productive member of society you're not laid up on your mom's couch

01:07:23.220 smoking dope you're doing the right thing you're headed in a direction don't worry brother it'll come

01:07:29.280 together keep doing what you do and being productive man that's what it's all about as long as you got a

01:07:35.280 little scratch in your pocket you're paying your taxes you're 100 adult man so keep doing you brother and keep up the

01:07:43.340 good work trust me man you're young your life will shape up just stay out of trouble and keep on a straight path

01:07:49.480 gang bro i like that message man that's a good message it got a little

01:07:55.420 um anti-drug at the end with the keep of stay on a straight path but before that 100 man

01:08:03.140 yeah productivity if you stay productive all you're going to make is more productivity

01:08:07.580 that's it there's no there it doesn't add up any other way if you stay productive

01:08:15.020 you're going to produce

01:08:17.380 and all that's going to do is create uh create opportunity you know it reminds me this fellow

01:08:26.140 in our neighborhood growing up this boy named robbie and he was real jacked and he had beautiful

01:08:29.840 hair god damn man i mean strawberry blonde did he probably one of the finest he was a man but he 0.94

01:08:36.160 would have he would have he qualify he would have qualified as probably one of the hotter women in our 1.00

01:08:42.060 neighborhood he was you know he was just jacked he had big old he didn't have i mean he had it you 1.00

01:08:47.800 know he was voluptuous to be strong as a man but he had big his arms looked like they had damn titties 0.99

01:08:53.320 in them just strong and uh and he worked at a grocery store by the win dixie he worked by the place 0.99

01:09:03.300 where people would go cry over there and masturbate and you know kind of spend time you know before they

01:09:08.160 had mental health and um he worked in there i think he was stocking shelves at the beginning

01:09:14.320 and by the end he worked there for a while and then by the end he was a manager and then i think

01:09:20.380 he was a district manager and then he started his own business he got out of that business but got

01:09:26.500 started two or three of his own companies and i went and visited the fellow not long ago and he lived in 0.82

01:09:32.160 a damn i mean huge beautiful home in like the nicest neighborhood anywhere in our area

01:09:38.500 um and he just it just showed me he just he stayed productive that's all i'm saying 0.99

01:09:46.000 you know he stayed really productive um let me pull uh here's another couple calls that came in about

01:09:52.220 that same thing brother here they go hey ceo my name is jefferson from denver colorado calling in

01:10:00.560 about the dude uh couldn't get his thoughts together but we got enough info out of him that i wanted to

01:10:06.660 kind of share something with him um he's 19 years old and he feels like a loser because he's at dominoes

01:10:14.160 and doesn't know what he's doing and i'm gonna tell you 99 of the people on this planet at 19 years old

01:10:20.440 don't know what they're doing and at 23 years old i started working at dominoes myself and still

01:10:26.540 didn't know what i was doing at 23 uh you know i am now 36 i'll be 36 here in a couple days and i'm

01:10:34.560 doing quite well for myself and it all started out with dominoes and i still don't have a degree

01:10:39.260 you just have to be not afraid to take leaps and push forward at all times sometimes it's hard because

01:10:47.240 you're complacent where you're at and you don't want to take the leap and that you you know that's

01:10:52.220 the things you have to do when you get older so mine's doing myself you know you're younger just

01:10:58.120 playing the pieces at dominoes not doing a whole lot man and trust me i'm doing pretty well for

01:11:02.940 myself nowadays gang there you go and that's a fella right there that sold pies to adults

01:11:09.100 and children and he's doing well

01:11:12.900 yeah hanging in there and staying productive you can't there's just

01:11:19.140 there's no way to really lose i don't think if you stay productive man there's no real way to lose

01:11:27.380 man dude i remember i worked at a place called bj's pizzeria and and this was a real this was a real

01:11:36.140 you know beautiful place they had pies in there they had a little bench to sit on when you walked 0.68

01:11:42.420 inside the shit was nice man and um and one thing i really missed dude or one thing i loved they had 0.90

01:11:51.300 a soda machine they had everything pepsi mister they had sprite orange that's when you knew you had 0.99

01:11:57.980 at least we're working at a decent shop they had the orange soda not just the regular shit 0.73

01:12:01.920 but anyway um and this place was called bj's dude blow i mean it's anybody thinks bj's they think 0.97

01:12:09.840 blow jobs that's a given you ask 70 people if i say bj's what do you think of 65 people gonna say 0.99

01:12:18.380 blow jobs but this place they said it meant black jacks nobody's fucking thinking that shit dog 1.00

01:12:25.000 nobody's thinking black jacks dude unless you had a picture of three black guys on the sign and they 1.00

01:12:31.180 all had a shirt on that said jack on them then i could see that you know but this didn't have that 0.99

01:12:41.020 it was just a um it said bj's pizza and the pizza was actually it was good but it was fucked up as 0.99

01:12:47.620 well because i don't even know the meat was real questionable had little balls of meat and that was 0.97

01:12:52.520 what kind of meat we had if they wanted ham they got the kind of red balls and if they wanted a burger 0.98

01:12:58.860 they got the little brown balls and do we had one pie you were fucking at the end you splashed a 0.99

01:13:04.980 fucking little hit of beer on top of it people loved it like it just you know anyway i would work 0.99

01:13:11.400 in there and the the oven was always burning people and um they found human hair in the oven 0.98

01:13:17.320 but uh but before that you know we worked over there and i had a mop and everything bro and the 0.97

01:13:24.780 shit was crazy and we would get high and fucking sneak fucking a handful of pudding bro during during 0.97

01:13:30.040 the shift i'd go over there and fucking put my hand in that pudding and go eat it in the bathroom by 0.99

01:13:33.840 myself but uh but what i'm saying to you man is that and here i am you know 20 25 23 years later and 0.97

01:13:46.640 i'm you know and i'm doing a totally different trade

01:13:49.440 so that's what i'm telling you too man is you know a lot of people i think uh

01:13:55.160 you know you could start somewhere and you could end up somewhere else but i never stopped

01:13:59.760 working i never stopped working man um

01:14:03.320 you know i definitely

01:14:06.100 i wasn't always as productive on my time off

01:14:10.680 but i feel like i've always had a job of some sort

01:14:14.820 gang best of luck to you though man obviously people care and they wanted to send in some

01:14:19.520 messages and we actually got a few more than that but i believe those are the two that i can find

01:14:23.120 right here uh we got one other call that came in and it was a response to a gentleman who called a

01:14:28.180 couple weeks ago his son is an asthmatic and i want to play this call gang yo theo uh say just

01:14:35.640 watching to episode 269 i just heard that guy call on his kids got asthma uh something i just wanted

01:14:43.380 to mention you maybe you can say something in an episode or something

01:14:47.160 yeah and i will sorry to interrupt you um an asthma some people don't know

01:14:51.940 if in a past what if in a past life your son was a

01:14:55.960 you know a fish or a

01:14:58.980 water snake then you have to think that

01:15:04.620 i mean

01:15:06.540 then it wouldn't it's not shocking that he's not the best land creature that he doesn't have

01:15:13.240 he's not as equipped here if you if you believe in that sort of thing that someone could be

01:15:19.600 something and then re re you know be readmitted into society as something else so there's always

01:15:26.380 there's other levels to it all gang brother uh let's hear uh let's hear more on we're

01:15:32.000 i just wanted to mention you maybe you can say something in an episode or something or get the

01:15:37.140 word out to him somehow if you guys contact info uh there's a breathing exercise called wim hof

01:15:43.440 breathing there's a moderator on that facebook group for wim hof that actually essentially cured his

01:15:51.300 uh asthma with this breathing exercise um so you know i don't know for certain if it's going to work

01:15:58.360 but it definitely worked for this guy um but yeah just wanted to mention it uh to get that

01:16:04.580 info to them so they could check it out all right man gang brother thank you yeah so there's an

01:16:10.020 opportunity right there if you have uh asthmatic or you have sun breathing issues you know don't have

01:16:16.580 the ability to breathe well hit them up bro check out there that facebook group and you might be able

01:16:22.260 to find a little bit of solution there uh let's take another call that came in right here man

01:16:27.420 985-664-9503 hey theo this is jacob down here in south florida what's up jacob in south florida they

01:16:38.620 just um well not south florida but in jacksonville they just opened the beaches back up to humans

01:16:44.520 and man i literally thought about flying over there that's how much i really just want to go get in

01:16:50.920 the water gang brother onward i heard your episode this week and that kid who called in working at

01:16:57.780 the dominoes who was kind of upset about where he was in life uh kind of reminded me of my own

01:17:03.640 situation you know i went to college for a little bit for the same thing for music uh didn't work out

01:17:08.840 for me i was 18 19 just delivering pizza slinging them pies at papa john's oh yeah them adult pies at

01:17:17.340 papa john's and that's a risky pie to deliver that's them racial pies you know papa john's you drop 1.00

01:17:23.180 the pie off and somebody graffiti the n-word or the l-word inside of it you know somebody graffiti you

01:17:31.020 know somebody writes k-i-k-e you know somebody pulls up a piece of pizza and they somebody wrote k-i-k-e

01:17:36.940 under it you know or uh somebody draws a picture of a chinese boy on the front jumping off a building 0.98

01:17:44.380 you know you have all kind of shit that just unnet just just dark stuff that's that's really 0.97

01:17:53.480 heartbreaking really uh so yeah imagine that not only say the pie's late they get there to late 0.99

01:17:59.520 they open the box they're also suddenly they're racially offended you can get fucking gunned down 0.99

01:18:04.440 over there in inglewood bro gang shit man let's hear more from pizza slinging them pies at papa john's 0.99

01:18:10.620 uh i went from working at papa john's i moved across the country i was working for the mentally 0.98

01:18:16.780 disabled for a few months praise god brother that was interesting uh then went and worked at a machine 0.99

01:18:23.760 shop doing c and c machining making gun parts all kinds of crazy shit like that damn 0.96

01:18:30.120 uh then i moved back across the country back home to florida uh now i work as a property manager 1.00

01:18:37.880 doing inspections of houses oh and that's definitely sounds like somebody that's fucking 0.98

01:18:42.480 hiding bodies bro gang shit onward sir uh so for that kid just keep moving forward man you don't 0.98

01:18:49.780 have to have any kind of experience if you nail that interview if you're confident you could basically do 0.99

01:18:54.300 whatever you want uh i don't really know how to do shit but i've had all these jobs and it's worked 0.93

01:18:59.380 out so far so uh keep your head up brother and keep doing your thing okay gang brother thank you man 0.97

01:19:06.500 thank you for the call and that and thanks for thinking of somebody else you know thanks for

01:19:10.220 thinking of that boy you know you know one thing i've struggled with recently i just just too much

01:19:19.300 thinking of myself just too much man um you know too much in my own head and really the solution to

01:19:27.660 that is others other people make you feel good they really do you know if you are sick of yourself man

01:19:34.580 if you are sick of yourself nothing will make you feel better than helping somebody else

01:19:40.860 and even man when i help somebody else sometimes i it's hard for me there's something inside of me

01:19:48.060 sometimes it makes me you know like i had a uh a friend that was working and recently they couldn't work

01:19:56.080 because of the virus and so i thought you know i'll pay them anyway they can't work i'll pay them

01:20:02.500 anyway and uh and one week i even paid them more than what our original agreed on amount

01:20:11.960 and it's crazy man because i was okay doing it and then it still bothered me for a couple days after

01:20:21.980 like this greedy part of me was like man why'd you why'd you do that you know

01:20:28.280 and it's funny because it's not even it wasn't even like a part that was like attached to my heart

01:20:34.240 or anything it was just like why did you do that you know why what why i don't know i can't even

01:20:43.440 figure out exactly what i was upset about like what about it upset me

01:20:47.520 but there was just there's

01:20:52.480 just a part of me that just was

01:20:59.260 i don't know just like why did you give that

01:21:07.040 why'd you give them extra money why'd you give extra why'd you

01:21:10.920 and i'm not saying that that's how i i'm happy that i did i'm happy that

01:21:15.640 you know i'm not trying to brag on myself or anything like that i'm just thinking because

01:21:18.800 we're all doing that right now we're all helping out where we can

01:21:21.380 i'm just trying to think about there's there's just that little part of me that sometimes will

01:21:26.840 flare up and be like man why'd you do that

01:21:28.540 you know why and that's the devil man that's the dark archery that's the dark

01:21:35.220 art artistry that's in us that's in the world it's that little thing 1.00

01:21:40.560 it's that little motherfucker tapping on your shoulder hey bro why'd you do that 0.99

01:21:46.960 you know that little part of me that wants to 1.00

01:21:51.660 i don't know just

01:21:59.560 i don't know

01:22:01.620 it's just the dark arts man it's that thing that it's that part of me that wants to not

01:22:06.360 be helpful or not be loving i don't know what it is man

01:22:11.120 and it's it's almost impossible to really kill that off completely it's just impossible

01:22:17.600 you know i don't know what i'm talking about man let's take a call right here here we go

01:22:24.360 hey yo my name's brett from canada hey brett what's up man i would love to know if if some

01:22:31.740 people from different countries want to hit the hotline i want to know how they're surviving around

01:22:36.020 the world man i've been thinking a lot about that how they surviving over there in guam viet guam

01:22:42.260 scotland ireland canada um united kingdom okay spain if you're from another country and you got

01:22:54.260 the opportunity to let us know um let us know just how it's holding down over there because

01:23:01.020 there's a lot of reports online you know i mean every day they're like italy has the most italy this

01:23:05.520 something this you know china uh the chinese are lying you know it's all just like all kind of 1.00

01:23:12.640 jibber jabby homer i just want to let you know that yesterday was one year sober completely sober for

01:23:19.580 me no alcohol no drugs and uh i owe a lot of it to you but i owe most of it to myself for keeping in

01:23:26.840 there with that grind when i say i owe a lot of it to you it's because you just have that positive

01:23:32.080 attitude and outlook on everything man and just watching you and watching how you interact with

01:23:38.720 people makes me want to do the same but in my own way so uh yeah i just have to uh just got to say

01:23:45.580 thanks to you man for just for being there man hey you be good to yourself thanks gang bro

01:23:54.300 thanks man thank you um thank you for the nice words man one of my favorite things you said uh

01:24:05.680 you said i gotta i want to thank you but i really want to thank myself

01:24:10.380 man good for you good for you man good for you thinking about thank just thank just recognizing

01:24:18.100 you did this for yourself you know you didn't give up on yourself man because that's a hard battle to

01:24:25.220 fight you know fighting the the battle of addiction and the battle of uh you know of that dead that 0.99

01:24:32.340 shoulder devil you know he'll take your dander from put it in a damn line and show it to you say dang 0.99

01:24:38.880 don't you want this now don't you want this now 0.99

01:24:41.520 you know uh just having that

01:24:45.340 i don't know man just that's awesome i'm real real uh happy for you i'm really happy for you bro

01:24:55.840 you know and that must feel good

01:24:59.260 to to not just not have given up that productivity man to just not give up

01:25:06.060 uh congratulations brother that's beautiful dude um

01:25:13.920 we did a lot man we did a lot in this call let's uh let's take let's we'll end there man 0.71

01:25:23.880 we'll end there for today a lot of great calls have come in and um yeah i'm feeling kind of fucking 0.87

01:25:30.400 jacked up today man i don't know i'm i'm trying i'm just staying busy and stuff but i'm just feeling 0.54

01:25:36.980 kind of jacked up you know i just kind of angry at myself i guess and uh

01:25:45.040 yeah i guess i i don't know sometimes a lot of this

01:25:51.560 yeah i don't know i think sometimes fear just slips in like i don't know what i'm doing

01:25:59.480 you know i'm gonna mess everything up or i'm gonna

01:26:04.140 and then my brain will tell me oh well there used to be a time when you knew what you were doing

01:26:13.160 and i don't even know if that's true but that's my brain tell me my brain will play that card

01:26:18.320 remember when you used to know what you were doing

01:26:20.440 so then i start to get upset at myself because uh i'm like damn i used to know but that might not even

01:26:26.560 be true you know my brain makes its own cards like we agreed there was a certain deck and then my

01:26:32.260 brain has just been making cards of its own and it uses them sometimes and and it's just uh

01:26:40.200 it's tough man it is it's tough it's tough and i know a lot of people are going through things and

01:26:50.440 a lot of people are struggling and and in different ways and um and you know that gentleman said it best

01:27:01.160 right there you know to be good to yourself and just try and be loving and um you know everything

01:27:08.600 will be okay everything is okay you know everything is okay and and i'm grateful bro i'm grateful to be

01:27:17.800 here today you know man what's going on man nothing is going on i talked to my niece earlier that made me

01:27:30.600 feel good uh you know i talked to my brother this week uh hung out with my ex-girlfriend the other day

01:27:43.080 and we made a puzzle and that was very nice you know we just had a nice simple time and

01:27:51.880 you know i'm grateful to have people in my life that love me even though

01:27:54.760 i feel like i haven't always been the best person and uh

01:28:08.600 and that's interesting how in loving somebody there's so much forgiveness in love you know

01:28:14.680 it's such a

01:28:15.400 you know when somebody really loves you man they really really loves you they uh

01:28:27.320 they're really they're they're forgiving all the things that you have done even if they don't even

01:28:31.720 know what they are really

01:28:38.040 you know when somebody just loves you just really

01:28:40.040 it's just a rare it's a rare thing isn't it isn't it rare think about it

01:28:48.680 when you ask somebody how many times in your life have you been in love

01:28:53.080 and they say oh maybe once

01:28:55.960 maybe twice some people say never

01:29:01.400 but you know to think to think of how long we stay alive and

01:29:04.600 and and the things that we do and and how many times have you been to the grocery how many times

01:29:10.920 have you felt sorry for yourself or how many times have you

01:29:15.880 you know fallen over while you was reaching for something

01:29:19.880 hundreds bro that all those answers could be hundreds a thousand maybe

01:29:26.200 but when somebody says how many times you've been in love you know you say man

01:29:29.000 once maybe maybe twice or how many times you love someone just unconditionally you know

01:29:40.680 you know maybe never man when i said when i think about that one

01:29:49.080 i don't know if i ever have

01:29:52.040 but it's just so rare though when you think about the time we spend here

01:29:55.480 and then when you think about man how many times i've loved someone

01:30:01.080 for all the years and all how just how what a rare thing it is

01:30:08.920 you could spend a year paying for gold you'll probably probably find 20 golds 20 items of gold

01:30:16.680 but still you might only fall in love twice in your life three times i mean it's just

01:30:21.640 love love is just it's a powerful thing man

01:30:30.200 it's powerful to say to somebody man you know i love you i love you no matter what

01:30:37.640 i don't think i've ever done that

01:30:39.000 i think my love is always i love you

01:30:46.760 i love you until

01:30:50.360 or i love you

01:30:54.520 but or i love you as long as

01:31:02.680 or i'm gonna really love you when

01:31:04.520 you know it's hard it's

01:31:14.360 it's hard man being alive is interesting it's an interesting interesting journey

01:31:22.840 all right thank you guys for supporting the podcast uh support our

01:31:27.640 um advertisers better help and manscaped um i hope everybody's doing well uh i appreciate you

01:31:36.120 listening uh some weeks are tougher than me for me than others i'm grateful to have a job

01:31:42.920 you know um

01:31:45.880 and i hope you guys are doing okay you know i hope that uh

01:31:50.120 that you're not being too hard on yourselves you know there's a lot going on there's a lot of sticky

01:31:57.880 stuff out there so just stay out of the glue

01:32:02.840 you know but but stay in the honey you feel me be good to yourselves man you guys deserve it man okay

01:32:20.120 this is bishop gunn with anything you want

01:32:34.120 i want you high-heeled shoes out so blue shallow from a mile away 1.00

01:32:42.120 every night looking so right dress so tight

01:32:44.600 sell it make a day

01:32:50.120 keep your time on your wrist checking that list looking to assist with another man's fantasy

01:32:54.520 so you take a bit of trouble to a cold do it till you're broke to escape reality

01:33:06.200 i can hear you saying that's why the hold you got on me don't make me spend all night

01:33:15.480 alone

01:33:29.800 this reminds me a little bit of wise prep panic this song

01:33:41.480 i'm 18 had a dream of the big screen all gone up where the bright lights shine

01:33:50.120 but you wound up here 21 years wiping black tears getting ready for the next in

01:33:58.520 ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll be sharing thoughts

01:34:04.120 on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner the answer may shock

01:34:10.680 you sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i won't and as always i'll be joined by the voices

01:34:17.160 in my head you have three new voice messages a lot of people are talking about kite club i've been

01:34:24.360 talking about kite club for so long longer than anybody else so great hi 0.99

01:34:30.120 sweetheart he's a deal anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker 0.99

01:34:36.600 jermaine 0.99

01:34:38.600 i'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a mcflurry

01:34:41.480 sorry sir but our ice cream machine is broken

01:34:43.320 i think tom hanks just butt dialed me anyway first rule of kite club is tell everyone about

01:34:51.880 kite club second rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club third rule like and

01:34:57.960 subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on youtube yeah and yes don't worry

01:35:03.800 my brad pitt impression will get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - April 20, 2020

Up to Nothing ｜ This Past Weekend #274

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