Ep 101 - Manatee's Knees w⧸ Unfit Statesman & Jacob Daniel
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 53 minutes
Words per minute
196.17319
Harmful content
Misogyny
91
sentences flagged
Toxicity
637
sentences flagged
Hate speech
348
sentences flagged
Summary
On this episode of liberty lockdown, we have a live edition of No Way Jose and Zach Brown on the show, and we also have our special guest, the Fattest fucking Dad in the World, the Father Dave.
Transcript
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what's up retards the funniest 9-11 jokes were written on 9-12 women jerk off dicks like
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fucking they're an unruly ferret yeah you ever had a 9-11 cocktail it's in manhattan with two
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kamikazes you see the socialists don't have an accurate answer for this and she needs to account
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for it white women must be stopped that's right what yeah we can stay horny and retarded longer
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that she can stay sane what your ass ass to penis ratio maybe you could say we had sex but we didn't
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fuck you said oh jesus fat dave fuck you man
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welcome everybody to another live edition of liberty lockdown this is clint russell reporting live from
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orlando we also have tph at tower gang toad sorry it used to be something else we have no way jose
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host of no way jose jose gales we have the fattest fucking dad in the world the father dave and our
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special guest you know him you love him he has his own band it's zach brown welcome in
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hell yeah oh you want me to go now you yeah
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be funny no yeah that's literally that you put the responsibility on the guest after that fucking
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that neck that loose neck of an intro jesus christ
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actually it's weird it's like that's the clearest like your picture has been clint i actually could
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like count all the individual hairs on your beard kind of see there's some there's some like nose
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hairs in there it's nice i like even in his usual setup we can still see the porn on his monitor and
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the reflection in the window though so clint you look like you're intentionally trying to cut the
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blood circulation off to the top of your head what the fuck is going on i'm trying to i'm trying to
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make my brain dumber so i can enjoy life again that's true the mentally retarded are are the most uh
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the most happy in this life plasma go get plasma right now clint i bet there's a i bet that there's
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which in orlando oh i bet miami has a lot of plasma places it does seem like a hot spot for
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and plasma uh donation centers are the hot hottest spots in miami i feel like that's true there's a lot
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of mexicans yeah miami miami is the only place you go to get like a liver transplant but the liver that
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they put in you is also failing yeah it's just it's just fucking worst miami is where you go to
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fall in love dude i'm telling you like you'll just get women you're just like i just didn't you don't
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like you're like i can't believe women get this hot like no they're fake jose they're men and
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they're fake well they're cute as fuck dog the problem is they're they're very attractive but
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they're the worst people on the planet yeah look yeah they're women we know if jose if jose's thing
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is martha bueno i mean uh that's fine with me they they also i mean i feel like they're also just
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shallow i mean it's not it's not like they're they're also they're bad people but they're also
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like they're only skin deep there's i mean you're probably talking to more than five minutes yeah brown
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skin deep the worst kind yeah and it's brown and it's painted on brown skin and they they do it to
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themselves it's not even like from the sun they just go in there like i want to be almost black and
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i'm just gonna like put on basically yeah you're going backwards you gotta you want to get tan you
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want to get tan no no ma'am no ma'am you're going backwards you're in the wrong country for that
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come on i heard a shane gillis joke uh i was watching today it was like have you ever been to
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a small town in the u.s where uh they're still racist against certain white people it was like
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those fucking irish no that was like my my grandmother hated the catholics dude we're good
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protestant i'm a good protestant boy okay i'm a good protestant boy it's just so funny hated the
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catholics it's like y'all haven't even made it to black people yet and like we're and he was like
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we uh we in new york are like past uh arabs already like come on catch up something no it's
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kind of like uh it is funny because it doesn't make sense because you're like why like that's how
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i used to feel about the jew thing before i actually learned like economics and like you know other
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things and i was like then i'm like oh i get it now like before it's like this is so silly i don't
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get why anyone even cares about this differentiation dude the last stage of of racism always circles
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back to the french it always goes back to everybody hating like if you can move past
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like black people mexicans arabs jews it's always going to go back to the french they're slimy
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does that what you're saying that you that include canadian secret illuminati behind the jews i think
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that the french or the i think that the french embody what kanye believes the jewish spirit to be
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in my opinion i i i think that dude didn't the french didn't the french like get us kind of into
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the vietnam conflict like like the ho chi minh used to like fucking america because we liberated them
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from the japanese during uh world war ii and then the french like drug us into it they're like we're
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gonna take this back because it used to be a french like fucking colony yeah it's ours now the french are
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responsible for our revolution being successful so like can we really hate them yeah yes because i
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feel like we'd be better off now dude it's so fucking easy dude the french helped us uh like
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eliminate uh one of the uh final uh monarchies yeah that sounds based what i i wonder if if we didn't
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win the revolutionary war i feel like would we be in a better or worse place right now i mean
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it's we wouldn't be canada would we there's no way we would be canada it would just be like
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no i think if you lost the revolution you would be fucked because all the bravest like
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patriots would be dead i think you'd have to have not yeah i think the you'd have to have not fought
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yeah i think the war that really that america won that changed uh the path of history toward the the
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negative is the civil war if america would have lost that and the union would have won we'd be at
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a much better track economically we'd be doing great uh we'd have way more cotton wait what
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zach's actually living in a in a separate timeline
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no no no it's it's listen i'm about profit margin okay and if the union would have lost
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i'm just saying the margins on labor would be much better you're sounding pretty french right
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now bro i'm not french i'm not french at all don't you dare put that on me i'm a different type
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of trash i'm either scottish or irish i don't do the the 23 and me because i'm afraid they're going
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to take my dna and put it somewhere and use it against me later i'm a little nervous about that
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what was the whole thing with like us being racist towards irish people i did i never understood that
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one and i could they're alcoholics yeah but like they're like i guess that was i guess it was just
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a bunch of i guess it might have been white women during the historical thing because they were like
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the mexicans of the fucking that time like because they were i mean is it our fault is it our fault for
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hating them they they drink constantly they beat their wives and they they barely speak english i mean
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they're fucking worthless why should we not hate two out of three of those are good things
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yeah i was gonna say are what didn't you in your intro you say you we have to stop white women
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the irish have been stopping white women from doing a lot of things for quite a while now
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yeah breathing i don't know exactly what it was but the irish were like the blacks of the europeans
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i'm not really sure but hey but at least i feel like that's actually a good like i would i would
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want to be not known as the best european i would want to be known as the worst european because
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europeans are all euro fags so it would be like it'd be like getting kicked out of the gay olympics
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and be like oh you were way too straight for us exactly get out and so that's how that's i
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fucking hate how narrow shouldered european men are it drives me insane it it's such a it's a problem
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dude i put on a year i was in uh i forget this is a couple years ago this is before covet actually
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um i uh i larry bird don't fucking come on uh i won't tell the story again i was i was in men's
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warehouse in new york city and i tried a euro cut shirt on dude and i i looked like it it it's insane
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the dimensions of these men it's just a women's shirt right it's just a u.s women's shirt correct
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yeah pretty much dude it's crazy like it'd be like a women's like uh like they're i don't know
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like the same way they have it like i this other thing is that they have really small ankles and they
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all like wear fucking um capris like the dudes wear capris and like it's very fucking weird over
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there i remember i have uh uh cousins that that were from scotland and like they always wore capris
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and they like oh i mean they're also they're really faggy like i was like even like trees are
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objectively just a gay um oh it's super gay like why are you showing jump back to the pirates
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i don't know it just doesn't make sense for me like i feel like it would bother me just like
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touching my calf all day like it's just such a weird even just pragmatically it's retarded
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you're telling me that pirates are gay well you know what actually i could justify for them
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because they do work in the water and so like yes so like that would be the only time if you're
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interacting because you don't want that thing to you i mean you're always in a boat you're gonna be
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within like you know three inches of water and so that you know gets you out like now your pants
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are always wet at the bottom right and if the boat is gonna sink or whatever but pirates are gay
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because where do you think the uh term butt pirate came from okay so capris are only not gay
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when nautical uh themes are introduced so yeah well and also can you really be gay on a boat like
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it's kind of like with like the uh it's like being in prison like when you hear the ocean spray you
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can't be gay god can't see you on the ocean that's right it's it's don't ask don't tell
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yeah international waters yeah i was gonna say dude maritime law dude you can shoot a guy who's
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asking for help and you can fuck a guy with that and you can get into heaven still
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and you can fuck uh um what what was it the is it wasn't seals uh what were those things that
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they always uh because they like they have like uh knees and they look like women's uh legs the
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animals the sea animals what the fuck are you talking it's uh no no no no no no no no there's uh
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there's like sea animals that the sailors used to fuck because they have like manatees manatees
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that's what yeah manatees have like we're not put up much of a fight no dude that's why a manatee is
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like a fat woman yes they used to fuck manatees because they have if you look them up they have
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like knees and so they actually look like they have human legs and uh yeah bring it up well not that
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you know what they fucked manatees because they were easy to fuck because they're slow but also
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because they thought they were mermaids yes go manatee knees you have to look up manatee knees
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look at those goddamn knees i fucked the manatee and i'm telling you
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little dicky's gonna line up the manatee's knees
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yeah that was one of those uh old school terms he's gonna wind up like pulling up some like
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nudity on here and getting us nuked or something well i love it because i don't even think manatees
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have knees and cole's just like google it manatee's knees
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i'm looking at it now because i i it's funny too because they're like we're not gay we don't fuck
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men we fuck men a team that's right all right you guys want to get in the mailbag we've been uh
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yeah let's do a while it's uh fucking let's bring it up uh come on up i always want to get into a
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mailbag so yeah okay so let's bring what is up little dicky our uh uh we uh sent away uh we uh
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ordered him on wayfair actually so uh all right yeah joke that that that wasn't a funny joke tone
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oh no it was beluga whales here i i i was gonna say beluga whales are the ones that have fuckable
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knees no i'll share my screen so you can see pull that shit up i'm telling you so ridiculous that's
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what i was talking about right maritime foot you know what i get it now yeah that's what i was talking
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about they used to be like whoa yeah i see that yeah and is that what hole is that right there uh
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it looks like it's kind of where the navel is where they fuck that i don't know it was a hole dude
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when you're now under the sea and you have fucking like rickets and whatever the fuck else they had
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from you know uh just dehydration all that shit yeah i mean i could mistake well they did they
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definitely thought these things were mermaids yeah the manatees they probably still thought were
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morbidly obese mermaids though all right guys i'm really bored with the manatee humor let's get
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all right so let's crack open the mailbag from spud we got submissions for what and i'm not quite
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sure what that is maybe it's an mma thing or or she's talking about submissive women maybe i don't
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know she just said submissions for what that's it that's all yeah that's literally all it says
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all right moving on she started not understanding what was going on there
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yeah that's why we love you but you are a woman it's like we put out the patreon post and she goes
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submissions for what like it's a back and forth conversation i understand what she asked of her
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but she she submitted to the mailbag last week too i don't know all right liminal vibration
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says new weekly segment pull up toad's search history that's that's been discussed and um i i thought of
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a good was just youtube history from all of us because i watch weird things on youtube and i
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didn't know if anybody else does and i feel like people do i feel like zach has a really weird youtube
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history or or just much tech work for me to be able to give you my my fucking youtube history and i
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don't know you literally would just i can literally do it with three clicks right now i just watched shoe
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on head religiously that's it well what's good is that uh anything that i looked up i can just use the
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show as an excuse like yeah that's why i was looking up tranny porn that's why i was looking
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up thai shemales i just for the show man i just look up woodworking projects and i'm like why can't
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i be more of a man this is what my dad wanted me to do all right what we got next you know bad boy top
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what's up what's going on guys is your house flooded top they're just the first floor
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yeah so top half the floors and you're doing i love i love this threw down the rag and he said
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it's a fuck it i got a podcast to do you deal with it bitch let's just say that top is controlling
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his hole tonight not a funny joke toad wow is that where we're at right now the fucking
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dicky the mailbag boy is just is shitting on you toad and you're okay with that yes that's fine wow
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so you gotta fire back dude do you have to assert dominance
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well totally have your back as you chastise him go ahead so do something fuck
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he can't get dominance over his own body weight
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all right what we got next no black boy all right
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that's your boss novum novum asks what's y'all's most irrational fear i was afraid of the live action
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grinch for like 10 years oh i remember so if it's just throughout your whole life
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i was very very afraid one of climate change as a small child
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i used to watch dude we love the earth coal fuck them
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i love like shit no i i would watch um uh what's the the day after tomorrow and legitimately be like
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freaked out like this is about to happen and we're about to get fucked and the other one i was really
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scared of was any type of uh i was really scared of uh there was i watched the buzz lightyear show i
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don't know if anybody watched the buzz lightyear star command show great show when i was young and
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there's one episode where like they turn into slime legitimately scared the piss out of me for years
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uh and also spiders growing up was really big i used to your pants legitimately no no and but i like
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what's the spiders one i was very afraid of spiders because of spider-man the movie the first one and
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uh from then on i saw that's what your takeaway was well yes i got very afraid of spiders and then
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which is really weird because the guy got superpowers i should have been like hell yeah spiders are
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it was like a mild nuisance in the narrative of the movie and that was what you focused in on as a child
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and uh from then on i i saw a spider on the toilet seat and for my parents said for about two months i
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pissed in the uh the trash can oh my god i knew he was retarded before he gave away all that
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i was i was like a six-year-old like pissing they were just like walk in and they would find piss in
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the trash can because i was too afraid is that retarded or is that just chad or is it just hard
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to tell the difference there's a line there's a very thin line yeah that one time i i shit in my
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uncle's it was my i was at my aunt and uncle's i shit in the toilet i flushed the shit wouldn't go
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down i grabbed the shit with my hand and put it in the garbage can and this is what like this is
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when my alcoholic uncle was playing silent hill on the computer washed my hands walked out like
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nothing happened he goes in he sees just and i didn't even cover it up i just plopped my shit
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right on top right on top of everything and i literally when he came in and my younger cousin
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was sitting next to me and he goes who's shit in the garbage can i was like you shit in the garbage
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he was so he took him out of the room i'm like that's not my business that's not my business
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and then i and then i proceeded to play he paused his silent hill game for that purpose and then when
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he took my little cousin out of the room doing god knows what to him i started playing his silent
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hill game and fucked it up for him so he's shit all over the control i was i was also scared i remember
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being very scared of uh like armageddon like like actually like the rapture happening and me being left
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behind i couldn't watch the left behind movies as a kid and i'm well we know you didn't read the book
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well i no i didn't um and then i also there was a preacher like came in and he was giving talking
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about this is all like bible talk so sorry jose uh no i actually grew up in the church i actually
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legit had that same thing for a while where i was very scared what happened right now i'm driving on
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the road if my mom i'm assuming she's going uh i don't know i'm a little unsure myself like i think
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i'm fucked i remember there was a uh there was a like a a pastor or whatever he came through and he
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like spoke on revelations and he like he was like oh the bible says you can't there's nothing wrong
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like you don't know jesus's second coming it's like you can predict the rapture and so he's like
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i predict the rapture will happen tonight and like that night i stayed at my grandparents house and i
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get so fucking scared i went to their bedroom open the door and flipped on the lights to make sure
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they're still there you piss in their garbage yeah no i just i just and i always thought it was funny
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like looking back on it it's also like all my grandparents know is like i came in turned on the
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light saw their turn off the light and went back to bed like it's like dude biblical biblical fear
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is truly intense i remember watching the passion of the christ with my dad and he would like grab
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me on the shoulder like hard he's like he did this for you and i'm like oh and then i'd be like i'd go
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to bed and i'm like i'm sorry i fucked my couch cushions nothing came out i promise it felt good but
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nothing came out i don't know i'd rock it was yeah biblical fear is truly the epitome of pushing
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people to the the end of the line when it comes to fear because you're like there's nothing worldly
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that can save you i think i think biblical fear is why i don't fear anything anymore because my mom
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like really instilled the fear of god in me all the same shit i didn't go to bible school and all that but
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i was terrified of all this stuff i was like goody two-shoes growing up and then when i realized
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this might not be true i just started living life like i don't give a fuck i think you could i think
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there's probably things you'll fear in the if you sick a samurai sword up your pee hole that's fear
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that's something to fear i've done it worldly there's that's that's extreme sounding that's well
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listen i guess i can't put a label on anybody's preference you know what i have an irrational fear
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about i have an irrational fear about like a crazy leak happening in my house about 30 minutes before
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i have to do the most important podcast in the world that's what my fears are nowadays do you think
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that jesus came like like ropes did jesus come dude like ropes he had to have the yeah of course he did
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of all time correct he had to have like it's i mean it's god's penis i think it's like slightly below
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average wow yeah true represent the people dude we're made in her we're made in his image dude
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come on come on big dick shit come on dude that's how we know that the black hebrew results are wrong
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it's because they have huge dicks and they're like no no no no you're made in god's image this is the
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devil none of that savage shit and wouldn't jesus have been circumcised since he was the first jew
1.00
00:22:39.340
or like not the first jew but he was like a jew yeah he was circumcised no he wasn't yeah he was
0.99
00:22:45.260
really yes i mean i guess they i don't think they ever specifically said he was or wasn't well i
0.99
00:22:51.720
tell you what in the book i never read i'm pretty sure i have read that shit i was in church fucking
0.97
00:22:58.260
i grew up in the church but like i don't remember specifically i went to uh fucking christian school
0.99
00:23:03.060
look at that mailbag boy i don't remember a specific uh i don't remember a specific verse
0.92
00:23:06.720
about i believe that they do i think they mentioned about he's jewish taking him to the temple to get
00:23:11.840
circumcised in the say in the the correct because they had a wake like they they would always wait
00:23:16.720
like a couple weeks or whatever how long it was let me just say i'm very uncomfortable with the tone
00:23:21.160
that like toe just took with little dicky the mailbag boy it was like it wasn't as dominant as it
00:23:27.100
should be but little dicky's very like out of pocket with toe this is it it makes me feel
00:23:31.120
uncomfortable hey little dicky uh is the mailbag guy so he he literally works in the mail room
0.98
00:23:37.440
little dicky we can't read that shit and he also lives in his parents basement i'm on my phone that
0.99
00:23:43.080
doesn't yeah you gotta zoom in luke 2 21 records the fact that jesus was circumcised there you go on
0.99
00:23:47.980
eighth day like i said i never really cared this much why are we still doing this dude do you think
00:23:52.280
what's the name of the the chick that has gloop uh oh do you think that gwyneth paltrow would pay like
1.00
00:23:58.640
a billion dollars to get jesus's foreskin to put it on her face oh yeah there was um there is a so
00:24:05.140
the book of the bible well it was uh if you go that's called the bible no no no uh it's one of
00:24:11.760
the like not apocrypha but there's like other books that didn't make it into the bible that they
00:24:17.240
like what if there's other ones like the book of judas the book of um tell me there's a book
00:24:26.660
dedicated to jesus's foreskin there is listen listen guys okay but i was gonna say what if jesus's
00:24:38.320
foreskin was uh like the precursor to all of his hearing all of his healing like what if the the
00:24:44.300
sperm cells in his foreskin was actually doing all that like a like a compression sock you would see
00:24:49.480
those old guys walking around like i had a stroke i gotta keep the i gotta get the way you know these
00:24:55.000
varicose veins are killing me what if jesus was just like a dude that figured out stem cells before
00:25:02.560
anybody else and so he was just that's right jesus jesus was a walking copper tone sleeve
0.99
00:25:08.120
just fucking dude brett farve was by his right side he's like who the fuck are you and he's like
0.98
00:25:14.040
don't worry about it i'll come back in about 2 000 years you'll be oppressed dude no but yeah i'll
1.00
00:25:18.120
have about 25 years in the nfl slinging it in the pocket fuck off dude just fucking do your thing
0.99
00:25:24.240
clint there is though uh there is a another book not it's not in the bible but it's like an outside book
0.99
00:25:29.980
that people kind of discuss that does talk about where jesus's foreskin went and there yeah and
00:25:36.300
like apparently like heaven it went into a rabbi's mouth that's what they do
1.00
00:25:41.860
that's true that's the antichrist hey stop cutting them off well what happened to his fucking dick i
1.00
00:25:50.080
can't remember exactly what happened but i believe like there was some rumors that like it did get into
1.00
00:25:54.760
like the catholic church has his foreskin somewhere um and just kind of keeps it because like which is
00:26:01.000
how could they have even known like oh did he get it done when he was like already you know a saint
00:26:10.740
or whatever no he was eight days old from the beginning yeah yeah wait he was jesus christ from
00:26:16.700
the beginning they knew that's why they bought him all those gifts yeah you know the story you
0.99
00:26:21.060
fucking oh yeah the fucking yeah the murder and all that he was the immaculate conception he was
0.99
00:26:24.900
the child of god and we know this yeah i don't i know i don't obviously clint needs to go to church
0.99
00:26:30.360
one time i just want to see him in church like really this is what y'all talk about that's pretty
00:26:35.160
i literally i literally forgot that like jesus was also baby jesus looks like uh have you ever seen
00:26:42.200
uh avatar the last airbender like the show or the movie you know how like they like they can tell the
00:26:46.460
new avatar by signs that's basically how it works with uh jesus i just wrote i was just uh i was just
00:26:52.440
tele telekinesis synced with the fucking navi and got to got to ride on one of those creatures
0.79
00:26:57.300
i'm wrong avatar yeah he's talking about the last airbender clear by like what the fuck is jose
0.98
00:27:04.000
talking about jose is always talking about he needs to go to church and watch some anime it'll be
00:27:10.420
it'll just change his life technically it's not animated since it's american animation but you know
00:27:15.220
okay i do want to hear what other my irrational my irrational fear is having fingernails
00:27:23.380
what oh actually me too i'm not yeah low-key like like slightly long fingernails that people will
00:27:29.420
notice is that what you're talking about no like if i have fingernails i have to like rip them off
00:27:33.520
or bite them off because if they get slightly long at all it's this sensation where it's like
00:27:37.440
it feels to me like i'm permanently just scratching chalkboards all over the place and
00:27:42.180
it makes me want to vomit i think that's a guitar thing like because because you're a guitar player
00:27:46.300
sort of well you play the gig i play the retard guitar yeah the retard why do you do that by the
0.99
00:27:53.960
way like if you have the capacity to play a cool guitar why would you play some shit that doesn't
0.97
00:27:58.160
get you laid yes it's cool fundamentals are very similar easy crossover imagine if zach just played
0.99
00:28:07.780
whatever gay ass thing you play the ukulele toad i mean he would be way less cool than like he is
1.00
00:28:13.900
right now because like i mean look what he has back there i mean that's that's bullshit dude well
0.99
00:28:20.000
your name is literally you're still cool because you have them behind you if you had a ukulele behind
00:28:26.520
you you'd still be less cool someone with a car behind them is cooler than someone playing the
00:28:31.120
ukulele even if they're crushing it still if i if i could if i played an instrument i just walk
00:28:37.860
around in public and play the seinfeld riff on a stand-up bass that's all i'd do they'd be like
00:28:45.120
no play something i'd be like i can play one thing the thing that does actually get like play if you
00:28:51.020
can play piano like really well like you just know it and just if you're out in public and you see a
00:28:55.820
piano you just start fucking just playing it people will crowd around you it's actually pretty crazy
0.91
00:28:59.880
like that's true people love watching like hearing someone play piano in public yeah i actually was told
0.98
00:29:06.420
i was uh it was my chiropractor for some reason was like hey learn to play piano because girls will
0.99
00:29:11.560
love you if you play piano and i was like i'd like to think so we're older chiropractor
00:29:16.340
tell us yeah look at i'm legend man you could have got a pedophile wife and then on epstein's
1.00
00:29:22.680
island i feel like piano would pull you some cougar pussy dude i would love to get fingered by a
1.00
00:29:27.500
pianist you want to get fingered by a guitar player better believe me no i feel like that
1.00
00:29:33.540
well it depends on the hand but definitely more dexterous i want to get a blowjob i'm a flautist
0.99
00:29:41.100
actually all right i want to get fisted i want to get fisted by a minor
0.99
00:29:46.440
i'm not talking about like a six-year-old no no no no no no i'm talking about a person who goes into
00:29:54.000
the mines and is i want i want their little tiny baby hands so no 29 minutes and 45 seconds we just
0.98
00:30:03.800
got to see clint's feet so if anybody wants to just take i thought you were going to say we're going to
00:30:08.160
zach saying he wants to be fisted by a minor i was like i was like my feet are more noteworthy
00:30:12.640
than zach said he wants to get fisted by kids no i am m i n e r
00:30:18.920
but a minor from the early 1800s so yes it's still a kid but they're you know they're a working kid
00:30:26.860
a minor people that take what they want a minor that's mining lithium batteries for electric cars
0.95
00:30:32.720
and you know it doesn't have to be the 1800s it could be a fucking kid in Kenya today yeah it could
0.99
00:30:37.880
just be a fucking a middle african child who's working hard for tesla or some blood diamonds some
0.99
00:30:45.000
good nice blood diamonds uh well diamonds are a bit pretentious but sure my rational fear is aside
0.99
00:30:51.720
from the fear of damnation that we already talked about a little bit earlier i don't really have any more
00:30:55.920
but you know when i was religious i did but uh i always as a kid is like even to this day sometimes
00:31:02.120
i'll like make sure to look down i was i don't know what movie i watched with my dad but there's
00:31:06.260
like a movie where like a snake or some sort of like weird thing came up through the toilet
00:31:09.720
and bit them and like for me as a kid that was always the most terrifying thing is someone like
0.98
00:31:13.420
jump up and bite my balls while i'm taking a shit or something you know like
0.99
00:31:16.780
i think it's a pretty famous movie i've heard people reference before i just can't remember isn't it
0.99
00:31:21.380
snakes on a plane no jose it's not jose dude i was like that came out i was like it's senior
00:31:27.880
oh okay i was gonna say because i feel like snakes on a plane that had to be like a thing where
00:31:33.560
there's a there's a there's a scene where a snake bites a chick's nipple in that movie
0.99
00:31:40.860
um i'm a little i have a little bit of anxiety about driving with people because i had a good
00:31:52.980
friend die uh so i don't know if that's irrational but it's still irrational because like while you
00:31:56.880
were driving only just because someone's in the car with me versus not um also i i used to be afraid
00:32:03.620
of the dark when i was little um that's pretty irrational and then also i i realized i was different
00:32:09.640
when i was like 10 years old and i started to have these these thought experiments before i went
00:32:13.880
to bed and i would uh you could see dead people no i i would think about what it would be like
00:32:19.580
you know i would think about the the size of the universe and how infinitesimally small i was
00:32:24.660
and then i would think about how that that thought process made me feel as a person and then i would
00:32:29.980
realize that at the end of it ultimately i wouldn't exist in which case this thought that i was having
00:32:36.360
um i couldn't like it wouldn't have even mattered and it wouldn't have even existed and then i
00:32:41.460
realized like so is my thought process like is there any relevancy to my existence and i had these
00:32:46.320
thoughts at 10 years old and i was like oh i'm different because then i talked to my friends and
00:32:49.380
they're like they're like i'm afraid of sharks and i was like oh i'm afraid of my existential you know
00:32:55.160
you have existential crisis at 10 years old he's just in your in your bed it's like we all i mean
00:33:02.520
we all know what clint's real fear is it's commitment i mean
00:33:12.280
only the boys clint's real fear is actually fixing a girl and then having to stay with her
0.99
00:33:18.040
no no no no that's not true my my fear is that i'll never successfully fix a dick
1.00
00:33:23.680
and that's also goes into your existential crisis of like i mean it's just a huge world of pussy and
1.00
00:33:31.520
your dick is so i mean just so small i mean when you when you consider like the aggregate of all of
1.00
00:33:40.220
the vaginas i've ever been with we're talking a void that is it's verging on the universe at this
1.00
00:33:45.640
point and that dick is meaning that is concern a hot dog down an infinitesimal
0.99
00:33:49.980
i feel like every time clint gets into a long relationship just one time happens they're just
0.99
00:33:54.520
bitching in his head he has this deep thought out like i only have this many years left to live and
0.99
00:33:59.520
i have to sit here and listen to this annoying bitch you know what what am i even doing here
1.00
00:34:03.080
and it just walks up and leaves and doesn't say a word to him and never talks to him again
0.99
00:34:06.120
i would i would i would do almost the same thought experiment when i was younger but it was more
00:34:11.580
with like uh infinity like infinite time yeah so i would think like oh like a thousand and then
00:34:19.380
like it keeps going like there's no end and to me that was like always like yeah no time was time
00:34:25.340
was also tied into the thought experiment because i was thinking thinking about the size of the
00:34:29.200
universe and then i was thinking about the the fact that the universe is expanding and that's like
0.80
00:34:33.140
why we can't see past the yeah the border yeah fake that's all fake and gay bro stop looking at
0.99
00:34:39.000
yeah sure dude horns down fuck fuck university of texas come on now no you know i will say this
1.00
00:34:45.300
though after seeing you know the the condescension of a man with such a low low like obviously low
1.00
00:34:52.360
intelligence like neil degrasse tyson i i'm starting to think that like all the bible thumpers
1.00
00:34:57.780
are right and like it's just way more simple i was starting to think it's like god just made shit
0.72
00:35:02.720
that like whatever neil degrasse tyson is i'm just totally second guessing all of it he is an
1.00
00:35:07.540
asshole too like his every time he's on joe rogan experience it's like shut the fuck up
1.00
00:35:11.980
like oh dude someone else did you did you hear what he said about joe he was like he was like
1.00
00:35:17.420
he's the type of guy who's smart enough to like have an idea but not smart enough to realize why
0.99
00:35:21.780
it's a bad one or something like that i was like dude fuck you yeah his idea was to have you on the
0.99
00:35:27.340
show and it was a bad one so i guess he's correct yeah he nailed that that's right god i want to fist
1.00
00:35:32.980
fight him oh yeah i hate him i can't stand every time and not because he's black but i hate him
0.99
00:35:37.740
i mean that's just a bonus no no that's just why he has a low iq
0.99
00:35:42.320
all right all right uh what we got next uh little dicky he's so mean all right so phil says i've
0.94
00:35:51.980
now gone don't ever do that again without beating off to porn first time ever going this long you're
0.96
00:35:57.340
all cucks now except for top wait how long i feel like two two months two months who said that
1.00
00:36:04.680
phil phil you're gay you're gay phil i don't think i've ever gone two months not gonna lie
0.99
00:36:11.620
yeah yeah it's weird thanks for not not including me in this but i think you're gay still
1.00
00:36:16.440
i'm pretty sure if you mean without porn i have gone longer than two months without porn but i
0.94
00:36:21.420
haven't gone because you were you existed before porn was around no no it just was a different
0.93
00:36:29.280
format at that point okay let me say i have jerked off without porn past the existence of porn
0.93
00:36:37.160
for you know longer than two months yes uh i'm in the same boat as clint i i believe that i yeah i've
0.97
00:36:43.960
gone two months without looking at porn for sure but not without masturbating oh that's true
0.98
00:36:49.820
that is the thing it does it feels my mind yeah you're an artist and you can't beat off without
0.99
00:36:56.480
some sort of visual stimulation or physical i can picture i can't i can picture an apple in full
00:37:02.260
detail like three-dimensional and the shading and the lighting but i can't picture a naked woman
0.97
00:37:06.280
like pure autism because it's like i can feel pure chadley because he's like i don't want to think of
0.98
00:37:13.820
women never they're gross they bleed dude i i fucking i can do anything pretty much dude i get
1.00
00:37:23.460
i get i've never i've never so do you guys ever get comfort boners yes yeah yes so where you literally
1.00
00:37:29.980
lay in bed and you're so comfortable that blood rushes to your penis yeah why why is that i don't
0.96
00:37:36.100
know i have no idea but i'll literally like i'll spread my my like body across the bed and i just become
1.00
00:37:43.200
fully erect yeah especially if you're trying to fuck the mattress that's part of the boners it is
0.98
00:37:50.640
because like when your body gets fully relaxed i think there are muscles that do sort of you know
0.98
00:37:54.840
are weak muscles that keep it together and then like when you sleep it completely relaxes and just
00:37:58.500
kind of blood just kind of flows in it's true you know when you die it's all it's all i wonder if you
00:38:03.880
can ever come so hard that your taint cramps you know because you flex that muscle
00:38:08.520
when you come yeah i mean i did that i swear it's happened a couple times i don't know if it's
0.95
00:38:14.600
an old man thing but a couple times i was fucking i'll be like like where am i'm like oh god oh
0.98
00:38:18.660
oh no no no i'm i'm talking full-on taint cramp there's no stretches to do no you had a taint
0.99
00:38:25.960
cramp like it's like like it's the worst feeling like right in your taint like a little
00:38:31.400
but you have to do math for it to happen that's true yeah yeah yeah i have to yeah to shoot ropes
00:38:37.080
by the way i did see um uh thompson girl was on theo von's podcast and he said when he shoots he
00:38:43.560
shoots ropes and he was like i could shoot the length of this table and it was like a long table
00:38:49.920
and to me i was like because i think we've talked about yeah thompson girl yeah he said he said like a
0.97
00:38:55.700
shooter right he said he was like i can see that with theo he was like i shoot fucking ropes he was
0.99
00:39:03.300
like if i if i'm a couple days backed up he was like i will come the length of this table how long
0.96
00:39:09.040
of a table are we talking 10 feet it was a long table like it was like a feet it was six to eight
00:39:14.540
feet dude i yeah dude i can understand like if especially it's been a couple days especially if
00:39:19.040
you work up to it you're kind of like i think i could do that your tabs you're you're kind of just
00:39:22.680
slow in it like yeah dude i could work up i think i could probably well we know jose has hit himself
00:39:29.700
in the face with it before i think yeah that's like two feet i have a little bit of an angle to
00:39:36.700
mine so mine has gone over my shoulder before no it hasn't yeah i've hit my neck i've hit my neck a
00:39:43.000
bunch of times it's fascinating because like when i that's the most demeaning feeling yeah because when
00:39:48.780
i'm by myself it's like it's like a failed suicide but i just can't i can't fire it hard enough
0.98
00:39:52.920
oh it's so disappointing because myself because like when i jerk off by myself like the cum just
0.99
00:39:58.640
like it'll be like loop and then when i fucking when i'm with somebody then i can just like almost
0.99
00:40:03.460
blow my head off it's it's i don't know it's interesting there's a psychology yeah the worst
0.99
00:40:09.460
cum is the uh like you get to the point of orgasm and you hold it in and then you have to work
0.99
00:40:16.640
back up and then it's like it hurts it hurts it's like
00:40:19.620
i mean it's just i mean it's just because it's like no that's when i launched the hardest
00:40:24.420
yeah you know i'm talking about where you actually there's a timing there's like a
00:40:28.340
you're saying like if you push it too far and then you do that move where you like almost come all
0.98
00:40:32.240
you did was fuck up your orgasm like i don't know if you do it right before and then you work
0.99
00:40:37.380
back up to it that's how you just end your dick still does a thing where like you're like
1.00
00:40:40.640
you know you know what the best but nothing comes out because you like that's in that's so
0.99
00:40:45.360
it's like it just kind of like liberty lockdown guest would be clint's dick where you could sit
0.99
00:40:51.480
your dick down and ask it all the questions that we ask here because who really knows what's going on
0.99
00:40:57.140
clint's dick has seen the universe man it would be it would be interesting because it would definitely
0.99
00:41:01.420
have a better recollection of my sexual partners than i do because like most of its day is spent in
0.99
00:41:07.020
darkness and it's like so he remembers when it's out and like doing i thought you meant because of
00:41:11.240
all the uh disease that it carries now from it's no it's it's spent in emotional darkness luckily
00:41:16.760
luckily clint has placed his phone on a point of view where we get to see where all of his sexual
0.99
00:41:22.280
partners got to see right before they blacked out clint's dick is like those uh is like those like
1.00
00:41:29.780
striations like geographic layers my dick please respond it reminds me of like tummy time on fucking
1.00
00:41:39.040
legion of skanks with uh with a big day it's it's adorable i love it yeah you know when you dig down
0.99
00:41:44.920
like into the earth though you have like the striations like the layers the geographic layers
0.99
00:41:49.520
like that's clint's dick and you can like tell dude you can carbon date my cock yeah which era like the
0.99
00:41:54.960
rings on a tree um how's my audio by the way it's not that's not the problem it's the fact that you
1.00
00:42:05.480
keep bringing your inner knee into the camera shot yeah that's cute the feet oh god it's the man
00:42:13.440
if he shaved those things i could be fooled oh dude i have i have really i've had women actually say
1.00
00:42:21.280
like you have sexy legs and i'm like yeah no homo for a dude that is like the ideal like dude leg
0.98
00:42:26.800
thanks man harry harry harry is the problem harry large you're not like overly bulky that's a good
0.73
00:42:34.120
solid man leg you can't thank you i do want to ask you this uh so on the panel last week uh i mentioned
0.99
00:42:40.400
i don't shave my armpits and all of these fucking faggots do we trim we don't shave yeah you guys trim
1.00
00:42:48.120
your fucking armpits thank you thank you he's the ginger he's come on doesn't count no i've never
1.00
00:42:56.640
ever even gotten close to putting any sort of cutting apparatus i just i i literally i i can't
1.00
00:43:07.800
trim my fucking i can't shave my armpits there's so many skin tags
0.99
00:43:11.560
i've had a couple of skin tags i i took one off once dude and because skin tags they have blood
0.99
00:43:25.740
vessels and like nerves to them dude the pain it's it's what women giving birth please dude
1.00
00:43:33.400
give birth to a baby that isn't yours out of your asshole and then maybe you'll feel both the
1.00
00:43:40.260
emotional feeling and the physical feeling that i felt when i fucking took off a skin tag dude it's
1.00
00:43:45.620
wild it's wild it made me want to like i honestly when i shaved that i did feel like i was entitled
0.95
00:43:51.880
to more things from the government i turned a little bit socialist i got a little bit like i just was
00:43:56.560
like yeah maybe maybe bernie's the right way you got so many skin tags man what's going on i don't
00:44:02.880
know i think it's bad iris skin probably yeah uh yeah it's bad genetics yeah yeah all right uh
0.96
00:44:09.860
do we got any more uh questions with his fucking knee though man he's like a beluga over there like
1.00
00:44:14.200
i'm getting turned on okay all right you want to fuck my knee one more hold up hold up i want
1.00
00:44:19.480
everybody i just want everybody to understand how deep of a nose inhale toad took after that joke
0.99
00:44:27.000
you can actually tell you can actually tell though how funny joke uh how funny toads not
00:44:44.580
funny jokes he thinks they're gonna be based off of his inhale afterwards because he'll he'll wait
00:44:49.400
he'll deliver the line and then he'll be up and then there's like dead silence and you're like
00:44:55.360
and all we can hear is him inhaling it's fucking brutal i love it oh yeah it's my it's actually
0.84
00:45:01.000
probably my favorite noise because that's like when my dad would give me a lesson he would exhale
0.92
00:45:05.220
through the nose he'd be like you know you gotta stay away from those things
00:45:07.540
chin right back into his adam's apple and just breathe heavily that's what we're watching
00:45:17.080
passion the crisis like he did this for you and then he'd move over to his like 99 dell laptop
0.98
00:45:23.440
and go come over here and make me watch fucking cartel beheading videos and say this is what drugs
0.97
00:45:27.260
do and this is is there a reason that you have a beard but no mustache um no it's just blonde it's
1.00
00:45:33.580
okay you dude you're a little bit darker i'd have a slur for you waiting
0.99
00:45:40.680
i was gonna ask if you're converting to islam or something like that i just don't get that
0.98
00:45:48.120
dude you actually the white red-headed muslims yeah or the wildest folk yeah they're sand gingers
1.00
00:45:57.020
dude they're they're they're the people do you ever guys you guys read the story of sammy osmokak the
0.58
00:46:03.600
the kid in florida who uh was tricked by the fbi and he he would he got arrested for for attempting
00:46:11.800
a terrorist attack but it came out in court that the fbi was coaxing him and he was mentally retarded
0.91
00:46:19.240
you're talking about everybody yeah every every time there's been a guy yeah dude well he was like
0.73
00:46:25.480
an albanian immigrant um that went through wartime he was retarded and red hair and slightly over just
0.92
00:46:35.160
slightly overweight you know just just slightly right there not action bronson to where it like
00:46:40.840
the fat becomes cool it's just slightly overweight and the fbi tapped him and said hey you're pissed
0.99
00:46:47.460
aren't you and he's like fucking yeah yeah i am pissed and they fucking they got him it's you
0.99
00:46:53.260
could actually back when the intercept was good they wrote a an amazing expose about it um it's
0.99
00:46:58.860
fucking wild dude it's it's the most clear-cut example of the fbi creating a terrorist it's crazy
0.97
00:47:05.100
dude it's nuts and i also like it because he's representing the the retarded in the media and
0.99
00:47:10.800
that's good too you know how you know how toad always thinks that he's getting um some like milf that
0.99
00:47:16.180
wants to fuck him and i i would be i'd be really surprised if toad doesn't end up in jail on
0.98
00:47:22.260
terrorism charges from some like catfish milf that's not real like oh that but i bet the fbi
0.99
00:47:29.000
has a ton of milf pictures just for toad and just like oh yeah oh yeah these milfs are sending me
00:47:33.900
all their titties and it's just some like dude why'd you put a v on that cole like he's like elves and
0.62
00:47:39.740
elves he's like milfs he's he's not all he's not all there i'm not all right what do we got
0.87
00:47:47.760
let's finish the mailbag what we got next all right uh the last one benzo asks would you rather
00:47:54.780
skinny black girl from the alex stein slash portnoy video or some random modern single cat lady
0.95
00:48:01.340
which girl was that uh i'd probably still take the black check though the only black person i remember
0.98
00:48:07.500
is the uh is the black dude she smacks him at the end yeah these cat people have been like flooding
0.89
00:48:13.200
my mentions for um well let's oh that's true you did have a couple i mean little dicky's on it man
00:48:18.660
hey don't don't watch the whole thing fast forward to the end right there her that's not a skinny
1.00
00:48:23.580
black that's not that's skinny for jose that ain't her that ain't her i'd hit you know fast forward to
0.95
00:48:29.460
her over crazy cat lady it's that girl to the right
1.00
00:48:34.900
i can't really see her i mean you can definitely hear her
00:48:45.800
dude yeah dude that's gonna be a good light just based on that
00:48:50.180
i mean that's not a relationship material at all i mean is the current is the crazy cat lady not
00:49:05.960
black no yes oh well then i'm gonna go i'm gonna go with that then pull up the girl arguing with
1.00
00:49:12.380
today the feminist the oh yeah i wish she would have came on yeah she almost that would be the that
1.00
00:49:19.160
would be the best comparison so i feel like one one deep deep orgasm and i'd have her fucking
1.00
00:49:25.520
way out of this feminist bullshit i don't she's actually unironically funny i was yeah she was
1.00
00:49:33.040
arguing with some of the guys because it's a dude you think it's a guy he's catfish gotta be right
0.99
00:49:38.600
yeah it was too cute like she like the she was too cute to be like it's like this hardcore about
0.94
00:49:43.660
the feminism thing like no all right but if it was me i mean i hate cats
1.00
00:49:59.100
i i i feel like i'm oh god yeah this chick is fake she's a catfish
1.00
00:50:06.100
see if it was between a black woman and that cat lady i'd have to go with that cat lady probably
1.00
00:50:12.840
yeah if if that is what she actually looks like yeah i'll go with her but otherwise the typical
0.96
00:50:18.920
crazy cat lady hell no all right you guys want me to tell you about my you guys want me to tell you
00:50:23.460
about my inheritance story yeah oh yeah yeah yeah all right do it all right i found out today
00:50:28.620
okay well i gotta explain to the audience because i know we all know because we have a group can i borrow
00:50:32.640
but how am i checking in my savings work is like i'm all in my hands no essentially my wife went to
0.52
00:50:38.640
go renew her fucking uh license online and then she got some notification or whatever on there and
1.00
00:50:43.120
it's like hey we need to contact you for uh to fucking um to uh like claim property and you know
0.98
00:50:51.220
like that i guess the state had for whatever reason we didn't know why and then she looked into it
0.97
00:50:55.460
and then come to find out like there was a uh bank account in her and her dad's uh fucking uh
0.86
00:51:01.780
you know name and it said next to his name deceased so that he had just died so this is her dad
00:51:07.200
like it's her dad just recently like died we don't even know when we haven't been contacted by anyone
00:51:12.180
because she like basically my wife and her dad haven't talked since she was like in high school
00:51:16.780
like he basically just like sort of abandoned her and he's like a multi-millionaire
00:51:20.860
so like it apparently she had he had a school fund for her at one point and so like we assumed like it
00:51:26.820
was that and it has a little bit in it and but like we didn't know for almost a week i found out
00:51:30.800
today how much it was how much was in the account because she wasn't able to find out until she like
00:51:34.620
got some forms and stuff we found out today i mean it makes it a little bit less funny because it's a
00:51:39.820
funny premise of like i guess you guys can guess i wanted to guess yeah but now we know now we know
00:51:45.020
it's not that much it's also gonna fuck up because it's like it's so weird because like when especially
0.70
00:51:49.920
when i didn't know it was like there was part of me it was like like super excited like my wife's dad
00:51:54.300
died also like okay i gotta be i gotta be sympathetic for my wife but it's like i gotta
00:52:00.520
feel both these feelings at the same time like hey that's really sorry
00:52:03.400
jose actually murdered his wife's father but it's like it's also the psychology of like what's in
00:52:12.000
that bank account like we didn't know how much it's like did he like on his deathbed be like i
00:52:16.400
regret like my relationship my daughter i'll leave her something behind because he has money he's a
00:52:20.660
multi-millionaire and like uh i don't know if you guys want to keep going with it but i can just
00:52:25.560
tell you how much it is because this is a pretty wait you know that he's a multi-millionaire yeah
00:52:29.580
how how is he a millionaire uh i don't fucking know the specifics i don't know i'm just going
0.97
00:52:35.000
off what some woman told me and my wife he's a jew actually actually so wait he's black because he
0.97
00:52:40.200
abandoned his child and he's a jew because he has so much money so he's no he's not now you're reaching
0.98
00:52:44.860
yeah you're really trying but what i will say is she's in his wife's in a better position because
00:52:51.360
she's an only child only by the thought that her brother and sister killed themselves so i mean like
00:52:57.820
that's no that wasn't that wasn't uh like those were her stepbrother and stepsister those ones uh they
0.98
00:53:03.520
are not his kids so she was the only child she was the only child but when like he kind of like
00:53:09.620
he kind of essentially went off and he like got remarried and she had kids and like basically
00:53:15.120
kind of treats them like his family and she he hasn't talked to i hadn't talked to my wife in over
00:53:18.980
a decade so it's like it is this weird now huh all right should we should we guess what the amount
00:53:27.120
is is that yeah you guys can we can i just say briefly that how like reprehensible i i think it is
00:53:33.320
as a man to abandon like yes no i hate it's one yeah it's one thing to abandon your son but if you
00:53:39.640
abandon your daughter i'm just like god i just i don't even know like there's no words like really
00:53:44.700
annoying no well okay all right that changes my mind good point i mean so people understand she
00:53:49.400
turned on my wife would like went to juvie and everything like she got in a lot of trouble as a
1.00
00:53:55.500
kid and then like essentially during that time i understand like what you you have a type
0.99
00:54:01.640
jose very much yeah yeah no my wife my wife's nuts but uh fucking like he like yeah she was a bad
1.00
00:54:08.520
kid she got her shit together but during that time where she like got in a lot of trouble
0.99
00:54:12.380
fucking her dad basically just was like well i don't want anything to do with this and just like
0.98
00:54:16.560
then it hasn't talked to her since but her life is different now so he didn't abandon her when she
1.00
00:54:21.640
was a child he abandoned her when she was a piece of shit yes which is weirdly kind of worse
0.95
00:54:26.500
because it's like you had their whole life with them and as a teenager that's when i don't ship
0.99
00:54:30.180
no i don't know for me as a dad like i can understand maybe jumping out of their life for
00:54:35.900
a little while because it's like hey if anything all i'm going to do here is enable but like i would
00:54:40.860
always check in and it's like you know like it's can we discuss what if my if my daughter dates a
1.00
00:54:46.240
black guy oh but that's the best time wait if she's a piece of shit though doesn't some of that
1.00
00:54:51.300
have to do with bad parenting no yeah exactly no i'm not on you a lot what are you talking about
1.00
00:54:57.140
bad mothering probably blame it on the mom yeah it's never the father's fault all right i'm going
00:55:02.380
with 10 000 on this by the way 10 000 what else we got i'll go you're not at all excited but i'm
00:55:09.540
still going to say 25k 25k okay i think it's something like 3 000 and like weird like an odd
00:55:16.380
number it's like an account he forgot yeah 3 000 but it was it was like a ball like a hundred
00:55:21.260
dollar bond he bought in like 1992 i'm just going to go grab the paper so i can read the exact amount
00:55:28.400
what if it's a foreign conversation oh that'd be great if it was like rubles or some weird like
00:55:34.400
same joke you know it's definitely not a lot of money because he has to go pick up the paper to
00:55:42.520
remember what it was if it was if it was 575 000 he'd be like i remember this no i i would love it
00:55:48.720
it's like it was like it actually wasn't money it was stock but only in blockbuster
00:55:53.240
it was stock in that insulin company yeah everyone put in a guess
00:56:02.400
what were all the guesses they were all like at least three grand 10 grand 25 grand i think i think
00:56:10.480
dollars and 48 cents oh no was it 348 what no you say three sixty dollars and 48 cents oh okay
0.92
00:56:22.900
oh no dude that'll buy you fucking three laotian boys on the black market though so
0.97
00:56:28.320
count your lucky score take a guess i don't even know if it's worth the paperwork
0.97
00:56:33.860
it's like it's like the processing fee is 38 dollars and it's like okay well i mean
00:56:39.400
that's like not even one week out of this that's awful man jose was telling us all week
00:56:46.100
bad for my wife but also but you saw the amount because like i understand like for her that's like
00:56:50.640
she probably maybe had some hopeful thought of like you know maybe he loves not that she's like
00:56:55.280
materialistic in that sense more just like that would signal it something you know from him but
00:57:00.800
like 60 bucks so i felt awful but also part of me is like this is also kind of hilarious yeah dude
00:57:06.680
he knew that women shouldn't be handling money dude
1.00
00:57:14.860
yeah you must invest this in the best possible cole how much money did you make for uh giving
00:57:22.460
plasma oh in a week in a week it was more than 60 dollars
00:57:26.080
barely no it wasn't we said 25 35 right so that's that's true
00:57:31.320
i think dicky was such a degenerate i think he was going to different plasma clinics like all in
00:57:40.020
the same day how despicable is it though like for me i was thinking about this from like an economic
00:57:45.180
sense and i was like how despicable is it as like to become a multi-millionaire within your lifetime
00:57:50.440
and generate this much wealth and then just die and not leave it to like your actual blood kin
00:57:56.160
because like it's just going to he has other kids though well step kids they're not his real kids
00:58:00.760
these are like grown adult kids when he came like that's true for eight months that kind of looks
00:58:06.100
like a girl that uh jose would be into too that looks oh 100 she's on twitter uh michael send me
00:58:11.840
nudes immediately thank you very much i don't ever like any her name is michael yeah i was gonna say
00:58:16.740
i don't think i don't think her name is michael dude i think it's weird probably
0.64
00:58:20.380
but you're saying i'm being catfished again god damn it that's oh oh you've been you've been dm
0.98
00:58:28.160
with her too you fucking low down dirty scoundrel if code is dming with it's a dude okay but
0.99
00:58:34.900
but yeah i i could well i don't that's an fbi agent who keeps also just keeps 60 bucks in a random
0.99
00:58:41.900
account like i don't have such a low amount it's like you're like i feel like is that like is that
00:58:48.240
like uh it's jose jose jose you weren't even feeling even an inkling of the disrespect that
0.63
00:58:54.520
you should be because that's with compound interest over god knows how many fucking years dude i was
0.96
00:59:00.000
like 52 dollars yeah no i think he put about 350 in there and then he was like we'll see what it is
0.88
00:59:05.920
no no i love the thought that he knew he's about to die he had it was her college account it had
00:59:11.020
like guys there's a chance still there's a chance that's true but what i'm saying is uh if he was
00:59:18.780
very rich and let's say he it was like a college fund that he put like 200 grand in but before he
0.82
00:59:23.760
died he was like fuck my daughter take it out and transfer it over to a different account but leave
0.98
00:59:30.300
like dude here's here's what you here's what you have to know he had like 300 000 in there and he put
0.99
00:59:36.580
it all in dogecoin right right right before the fall dude yeah right before elon rug pulled yeah
00:59:43.520
he was like he was watching it and he was like if i want to make a quick buck i can make my daughter
00:59:48.640
so much more money i'm gonna put it in dogecoin it's just a really risky investment for a short
00:59:53.260
term but it's gonna work out and then he just lost it all and he was like well all right maybe he
00:59:57.320
just invested in a lot of adult learning classes at the learning annex who knows let's not assume what
01:00:03.720
he was doing maybe he was learning about uh ancient civilization maybe maybe actually maybe
01:00:10.100
it was all invested in ftx and he actually was like he was a one of the uh millionaire donors
0.99
01:00:17.080
to ftx and all this shit and he just lost all the cash maybe maybe the gun he bought to kill himself
0.87
01:00:22.400
was made out of pure gold you never know hey i had an interesting thought at uh animal kingdom
0.99
01:00:30.080
uh well i was in line for an hour and a half because that's all you do at disney is you stand
0.99
01:00:33.580
in lines and i was like i was thinking to myself why did you go to the fast pass you fucking poor
1.00
01:00:38.420
even with the fast pass it takes a while too yeah i'm not i'm not paying for me no motherfucking
0.99
01:00:42.480
fast pass there's only four rides at the disney park why are you going to disney because my mom's
0.83
01:00:48.620
here oh right okay fast pass or nothing i've if i like mom is it's not going what's where is the
01:00:55.640
story gone animal kingdom what zach needs to ask me questions about my mom i was gonna say i mean
01:01:00.160
top just excused a grown man going to disney because his mother she her his mother's also grown
01:01:06.940
these are adults going to disney she's significantly older than me which you might find fascinating is
01:01:13.560
his mother so old that she's like a child again you know what i mean if i was going to any like any
01:01:19.940
park within disney it wouldn't be it would definitely be epcot if anything oh my god
01:01:26.000
why is this here what the hell what just happened oh you're all getting cold this year because you
0.97
01:01:31.660
didn't hate israel enough who allowed this what the fuck it was never funny oh jacob no real quick
0.99
01:01:42.260
um because you're a religious man were you deathly afraid of random uh prophetic events as a child
0.99
01:01:48.860
also was oh yeah circumcised do you have his foreskin
0.85
01:01:52.700
he is a christian jew so there's overlap so it could be did god shoot rose answer me now there's
0.53
01:02:01.240
nothing there's nothing that that signifies a christian tilting jew then those all the way
0.98
01:02:07.360
around the lens framed glasses with the big jewish nose there's nothing that's the symbol dude that's
0.99
01:02:13.740
the symbol that you know that you go to church and they're playing like drums at the fucking altar
1.00
01:02:17.440
you're like enough come on bring back tradition come on are you a closeted jew
1.00
01:02:22.000
but i'm not a closeted jew i'm a jew did we just out you i'm sorry
01:02:26.960
but i but i but i believe in jesus so that i can claim you know i can get the best of both worlds
01:02:35.380
yeah it might as well cover your back i don't understand this is like the jews are really upset
0.98
01:02:39.240
like they really like don't like jesus and it's like guys like you can do you can still have all
01:02:44.200
your jewishness stuff and still like accept jesus and then like you are definitely covered like you
0.98
01:02:49.440
got it down for real like and it's not you also get like the top level of heaven like you skip
01:02:55.000
straight to the top the reason they don't like they don't like jesus because of all the good stuff
01:02:58.860
he said because then they'd have to actually live by that
01:03:00.840
they're like they took the give money to caesar as just like manipulate caesar into doing our will
01:03:08.520
they understood politics better than the lp that's true and then and then they and then
01:03:15.500
they killed him it was a judas i believe that was actually really funny i don't know if anybody saw
1.00
01:03:20.740
the twitter thread about how nose breeze how um i can't remember who that was but it was talking
0.96
01:03:27.300
about how the jews didn't actually kill jesus and they were like and i was like this is the dumbest
0.73
01:03:32.360
argument ever because it's 100 true the jews killed jesus that was josh smith said that because
0.87
01:03:38.160
oh yeah that's right it was pilot was like you can take jesus or you can take this like
01:03:43.320
violent murder pedophile that we locked up they were like give us the murder pedophile
0.95
01:03:48.480
yeah we want the murder pedophile at least like let's kill jesus and yeah pilot was like all right
0.98
01:03:54.480
to be honest sometimes i doubt i'm like these aren't the same jews like i think sometimes maybe it's
0.99
01:03:59.120
the black people but then hearing that where they're like they prefer the pedophile i'm like
0.90
01:04:02.720
no it's the same jews dude i'm gonna you're you're the way you talk top i'm gonna be having to read
1.00
01:04:09.340
jewish books just to like confirm or deny the crazy shit you say like you know what damn it he was
1.00
01:04:14.580
fucking right there is some fucked up shit in here jose's gonna read uh the torah can i please run my
1.00
01:04:21.240
thesis past you know you have mocked me all right so my thesis that i came up with well standing in line
1.00
01:04:26.980
at disney is that basically the next generation of kids like they either they go i was gonna say it
01:04:33.500
was uh you know the next generation of kids i was gonna say they take two paths but i think it was
01:04:39.700
actually three i think they either go religious or they go like the like instead of goth or emo now
01:04:45.920
you're basically just like trans right and then the the other path is like gym rat and like there's
0.94
01:04:51.380
no other options like you're either like religious zealot yeah or a religious zealot that wants to
0.86
01:04:58.220
chop off your body parts or you go to the gym that's it you're either cole you're either jacob
0.97
01:05:03.760
daniel or toad yeah let you guys decide which is which i feel like there's a there's a there's some
0.92
01:05:09.360
good overlap between the gym rat and the religious that's true not the trans has no overlap with the
0.88
01:05:15.280
other two like at all like there is there is no trans person that is a gym rat i'm here for it
0.99
01:05:19.740
weed them out younger you know although i would definitely steal all this testosterone from the
1.00
01:05:25.280
uh from the trans kid as a gym rat just like they'd be like oh you got the good shit like the good like
1.00
01:05:30.260
uh prescription dude that's like the new that'll be the new adderall like kids give it away adderall
0.99
01:05:35.020
that'll be like testing like one little test my wife is still breastfeeding so like i need to get in
1.00
01:05:40.820
like handing out testosterone with breast milk because it has the hgh so like that way the
1.00
01:05:46.360
trans men can get like a breast milk protein shake come on fuck on about it now come on
1.00
01:05:51.980
i have a story about that from the day i was drinking my after workout protein shake and my
1.00
01:05:58.440
and elizabeth was literally trying she had her boob out and was actually squirting it at me and she
1.00
01:06:04.000
was like i'm gonna make you drink it like she's putting it didn't happen and my women breastfeeding
1.00
01:06:09.920
mother women like that is like a kink for them they're like hey i'm gonna squirt this across
1.00
01:06:13.800
the room at you they look i i never she was definitely it's the first time they get to
01:06:18.400
shoot robes like women why do you think that's my target demographic man like she was never into
1.00
01:06:23.260
this kind of stuff before and now it was literally out of nowhere she just comes up and just i was
01:06:27.320
just sitting on the couch drinking my protein and she's just like i'm gonna get some in there and
1.00
01:06:30.280
like was like just just at me like i was told your target demo works at fucking langley relax
0.99
01:06:36.720
they want to know how much how much we have to uh fundraise to for all of us to get hammered for
01:06:43.220
an episode i mean that's like every episode usually yeah i'm drinking i mean i don't think i've ever
01:06:48.140
drank on an episode you'd have to pay me i used to but i'm sober now if i want to get hammered i mean
01:06:53.340
it would just be the just the price of the drinks basically like for like 20 bucks for each of us
01:06:59.020
is like a that's probably what two six packs for 20 bucks you probably get like yeah give or take
01:07:06.260
yeah and so and so we can we can crush like all crush six beers we would be hammered but we'd be
01:07:12.360
pretty feeling pretty good 125 bucks and it happens i here's here's what i say they should have work
01:07:18.160
night's dog same so do i dude push the limit like do you imagine how many views it would get if you
01:07:25.700
all just od'd on fentanyl and just left it going left the lives we've actually discussed that we we
01:07:32.420
want to do something where all of us are taking a different drug and uh basically it'll be a shitty
01:07:37.080
episode but oh my god the people that are watching have to guess which it's like jeopardy like
01:07:41.280
jeffrey like what's that overdose or we could all take fentanyl we could get derek so it has a
01:07:48.120
seizure but he's not doing any drugs he's just i've always wanted to try cocaine yeah i has a
01:07:55.140
seizure because i've always wanted to try cocaine again i highly recommend drugs i still do but i used
01:08:04.440
to too oh yeah did you ever tell this like what your cocaine stories about what you remember
01:08:11.160
i don't know i know it was after it was after a show i know this was one of those things where
01:08:15.940
we had a kick-ass conversation i think it was told it was like we talked about this in the show and
01:08:19.780
it's like it's like there's sometimes just shit just happens in the group chat and i can't just
01:08:23.860
like reproduce that like right i don't remember i think i was talking about how like i don't know
0.99
01:08:28.620
probably maybe once every couple years so me and the wife will get a bunch of blow just fuck
1.00
01:08:33.140
like send the kids send the kids to my in-laws and just fucking once every couple of years or once
1.00
01:08:38.500
every year once every year every couple years like is that i want to know is there like a day
0.96
01:08:43.000
no we don't have a day every once in a while is this like a is this like a like a mexican is like
0.99
01:08:49.420
a day of the dead thing where they just every just a fucking ounce of blow and just fucks their
0.98
01:08:54.980
wife anyone out here listening that's ever done blow you you know it's especially if you're like
0.99
01:08:59.140
if you've if you've been married for a long time it's like you know what kick the kids out
01:09:02.820
i've never done it but i know this i know this to be a fact that this is like something that
01:09:08.440
particularly white people that look like jose this is what they do they will they'll give their kids
01:09:13.480
over to their parents and then they will just do copious amounts of blow my buddy john does it like
0.95
01:09:18.460
twice a year i think and him and his wife they just do tons of blow she pegs him it's crazy that's it
01:09:24.060
wow so what's interesting is racist against hobbits in in in south dakota it's the same thing but meth
01:09:32.340
it's mad yeah yeah you gotta i feel like that's what it's like where i'm at in alabama too i wanted
01:09:37.880
to do meth too to be honest when i did coke i had i had no sex drive
0.84
01:09:42.440
i had no sex drive when i did coke you can't get it up i've heard yeah i can't i well i also drank
01:09:49.720
when i was on it yeah there you go i was like you have no idea what the stock market
0.97
01:09:55.780
okay blow makes it hard you gotta act quick blow makes it hard for me to sustain a boner but as
0.98
01:10:01.840
long as i have stimulation it's fucking just stays but like it's almost like my add goes haywire so
0.99
01:10:06.780
your blood has nowhere to go it's compacted into a grape dude your body's a grape the blood in your
1.00
01:10:14.140
head is reaching your dick in less than a millisecond dude but yeah for me it's like
1.00
01:10:19.000
sexual stimulation is not happening like my mind races to something else and i forget about sex
1.00
01:10:25.080
but like boobs again and it's like just right back jose is just a half chub all the time i think i
0.99
01:10:30.800
think that's how it wants i'm working out jose looks like a half chub dude you just constantly
1.00
01:10:35.240
you're just a semi dude you're walking around with a fucking a full of a half full penis dude that's
1.00
01:10:41.340
good are you guys showers or growers oh neither definitely uh yeah neither like does it look big
1.00
01:10:49.600
and then only grow a little bit or is it like you know almost like how about it in and then it comes
01:10:53.500
out like like listen jacob i've never met you but i'm working on my deltoids right now i don't even i
0.99
01:10:58.900
don't need to be talking about penis i have a i have a very fascinating phenomenon with my dick where
0.99
01:11:03.400
like it's either like like when it's soft obviously it'll be it'll be like sometimes it'll be two
0.99
01:11:09.080
inches and then sometimes it'll be like five and i'm like why why is my dick it's just doing things
0.90
01:11:15.180
but there's no there's no rhyme or reason hard hard or soft no no both soft oh okay all right
0.99
01:11:21.300
sometimes sometimes i i do still like you know how when you're a fucking you're like 16 you're like
0.99
01:11:27.920
maybe if i stretch this thing just come on like taffy you think you can taffy it out
0.96
01:11:33.640
you can't it's still joking it works yeah and then they make those things to grow back your
01:11:38.520
foreskin that like they literally grab the skin and just pull down on it gradually yeah
0.97
01:11:42.580
if i was gonna do a drug on stream it would definitely be molly and i just want to because
01:11:58.440
i feel like how i am now times molly i i don't know like i might be if i was on molly around cole
1.00
01:12:05.560
with his fucking sexy like beautiful beautiful man face i would fuck him for sure
1.00
01:12:11.540
beard is coming along nicely i must say yeah i you better put those you better put those
1.00
01:12:17.800
fucking collarbones away bro we're fucking danger right now
0.99
01:12:21.440
you're all too sexy and i bought uh like a beard conditioner and uh shampoo so i was like
1.00
01:12:27.900
cole cole is exactly what toad described his ideal transsexual partner to be
1.00
01:12:34.140
not quite yes uh yeah sorry my name is exactly what you described
1.00
01:12:40.700
he's like don't shave i don't want i want you to keep the dick i didn't say that
0.99
01:12:46.100
this is all subliminal messaging to fucking cole
1.00
01:12:49.340
yeah oh you want to get to hear like uh last week toad and jose both said if they were to fuck
1.00
01:13:00.200
you slipped by would you rather have the penis or actually have it cut off have it have the surgery
1.00
01:13:10.060
and have it removed have that disgusting cash exactly you don't have to fuck it and you're
1.00
01:13:14.700
fucking in the yeah i know you're fucking the butt but the gash is still a fucking right
1.00
01:13:17.860
there or a hole that was my argument it's all of course mommy thirst and in the chat look at
1.00
01:13:23.980
this bitch come on man you just said me look at her he's a married man damn hold on let me let
1.00
01:13:32.980
me let me correct you about what cole looks like cole looks like a long island transgender stripper
1.00
01:13:37.720
named cheryl nebraska dude that's what he looks like i'm not gonna lie i will stick out for i was
01:13:43.520
like when i first met cole i was like my you're more handsome than i thought
01:13:46.600
yeah when you see him in real life right too yeah no i thought i thought cole was really good looking
0.99
01:13:52.280
on stream and then i met him in person i was like oh you're a dwarf this is fun
01:13:55.460
i wasn't even close to the the shortest one there top was a lot was the one that was i know but but
01:14:02.880
you're so handsome i expected you to be my height and then i walk up and i'm like oh you're a little
01:14:06.520
person are you you're taller than me cole i'm pretty sure we're the same what are you five nine
01:14:10.900
yeah about you know what i'm five eight i'm five eight i know it's it's cole's proportions that his
0.57
01:14:18.880
like his like hips are so wide that when you stand next to him you're like am i am i told it's hard to
01:14:24.320
tell cole has very good birth yeah someone someone said i had uh the portions of a midget but if they
01:14:29.080
were just like not a midget i'm pretty sure that was me the first time i met you
0.86
01:14:32.800
you know you're not proportioned right you're very like you know you you legit have dwarf you
01:14:39.500
have dwarf syndrome but like in a five foot eight body it doesn't make any sense at all
1.00
01:14:42.920
you have a fucking dwarf's ass but you're five eight i've i've i've had uh uh how do you
1.00
01:14:50.000
you you weren't even there like i've never met for us i should have a booty stalking you
1.00
01:14:55.760
my ass has been on the internet you you've shown it to me on and i also did
0.98
01:15:01.920
i i send the our group chat uh ass pictures every day yes all the time yeah it's the only
0.99
01:15:08.520
reason i still let him on the show yeah exactly especially knowing outside uh bending over
0.65
01:15:14.840
backwards they get dude i i mean with how crunchy i've been getting i thought about you know going
1.00
01:15:19.940
out and sunning my asshole it's like you know if you know it can't hurt like what if that shit
0.99
01:15:25.720
what if that shit actually works that's what what if like what if we all missing out like it's like
1.00
01:15:30.580
a thing of like hold up hold hold up you said it can't hurt it certainly the fuck can you get a
1.00
01:15:36.300
sunburn on your asshole and you try to shit dude what the fuck are you talking about dude dry wiping
1.00
01:15:42.560
dry wiping with a sunburn on your asshole holy shit dude and and if you're a professional trans
1.00
01:15:48.240
prostitute like cole uh you're gonna really regret having him you guys ever you ever guys you guys
1.00
01:15:53.380
ever like wipe your ass and it's slippery so you wipe the shit up onto your tailbone that'll happen
1.00
01:15:58.040
that'll happen dude yeah when you have like diarrhea yeah that can happen i went out for i will tell you i
1.00
01:16:04.580
went out uh on saturday for my anniversary dinner which had a great i had a 40 ounce tomahawk and i also
01:16:10.980
had um oh what's it called what's the steak when it's uh just uncooked and they uh and they
01:16:17.500
i had steak tartare oh tartare yeah and so elizabeth didn't want to eat tartare she was like
1.00
01:16:23.940
i don't want to she was like i can't just take her for some blowing fucking
1.00
01:16:27.400
and and so i ate the entire like appetizer of steak tartare and then i ate like another like 10 to 12
0.99
01:16:36.680
ounces of the tomahawk the next day i shit like nobody's business dude it was one of those like
0.99
01:16:43.520
diarrhea all day wiping and getting like shit all up on my tailbone
0.99
01:16:49.080
the slippery wipes i i thought about going to get my wife from my kid and being like i have to like
0.93
01:16:59.940
this is the only way to get this stuff you know clean yeah it's a problem it does become a problem
01:17:06.240
it's it's almost to the point where you need like uh you ever use one of those chamois on a to dry your
01:17:12.320
car off after you wash it like a sham wow dude you need a sham wow yeah dude at some point you
01:17:18.640
could shower dude i've i've really thought about getting a a bidet because i feel like that's
0.99
01:17:24.840
gonna be dude so i just want my wife won't lick my asshole so i figured i'd try to i try to take a
1.00
01:17:31.240
shower after i shit so just just so you just so you gentlemen know i i uh my uncle had a bidet i went
1.00
01:17:37.760
out to south dakota spent some time with him um not just him okay come on now um i fucked him if
0.99
01:17:45.480
anybody was fucking anybody come on um he had a bidet and what will happen is if you sit too far
1.00
01:17:52.520
back on the seat you'll get shot in the balls so you got to make sure you're positioned yeah that
0.99
01:17:57.680
sounds pretty nice not dude not when it splits the two and it gets those weird little cords that
0.99
01:18:02.940
are holding them yeah oh yeah i was ever yeah it gives you a vasectomy because there's ones that
01:18:08.340
have the front spray and the back spray and if you if you don't know which one's the right direction
01:18:12.520
you get a nice little spray one of those fancy japanese toilets yeah it's hard to tell what's
01:18:17.140
going on with that dude yeah it'll split the scrub go right down the seam it'll hurt by the way if you
1.00
01:18:23.300
do use wet wipes and you flush those fuckers i hate you and i hope you die do not i used to do that
1.00
01:18:29.780
when i went wet wipes i didn't give a fuck they have flushable wipes man no they don't burn
1.00
01:18:34.640
the story the story is my asshole i don't give a shit about your goddamn problems as an engineer
1.00
01:18:39.340
so the story zach was saying before where he took his shit and put it in in a garbage garbage can
1.00
01:18:44.620
yeah uh in in like old school spanish homes and people still do it in america if they're from like
0.99
01:18:49.300
uh south america or puerto rico whatever they'll wipe their ass with toilet paper and then put it in
1.00
01:18:54.220
the garbage bin and they go play and do they go play silent hill on the computer directly after
0.99
01:18:59.680
they don't even watch well they were they were uh rich enough to have computers uh zach they
01:19:03.820
they went outside to play dominoes uh my my great aunt her house that's what she did she always it was
1.00
01:19:11.080
i don't know if they had like didn't have indoor plumbing or something but she was always she would
1.00
01:19:15.140
wipe her ass and throw it in the trash um i also did the grab the shit and put it but i put it in a
1.00
01:19:20.940
toilet i was taking a bath with my cousin uh i was very young i was probably like eight or nine
1.00
01:19:26.840
and we're taking a bath together i was 17 and i and i let it i let it go in the bath and i had to
0.85
01:19:33.440
discreetly grab it and take it out and put it in and pretend to go take a shit in the toilet and just
0.99
01:19:40.180
oh fuck wait cool you didn't we have a septic tank babe oh my god yeah stop that shit i would i would
1.00
01:19:48.900
never do that at my place you need to stop that woman it's not a good one i guess it's like 40
1.00
01:19:56.680
years old you're in way too good a shape and you're way too attractive to be putting up with
1.00
01:20:01.180
some fucking bullshit like that you got to get out of that relationship man i still i i mean i mean i
1.00
01:20:06.640
haven't gotten pussy man like i know how's the time before you get attached you know get out what if
1.00
01:20:12.880
your balls what if your balls hung so low that you could wipe your ass with your balls what about that
1.00
01:20:17.940
well i could about that i could i absolutely but why would it be a stretch but i could do it
1.00
01:20:23.340
my balls are touching my my taint right now like it's it's top what do you mean why would you it's
0.95
01:20:29.940
so comfortable it's like flesh on flesh dude yeah well because the reason why you wouldn't is because
1.00
01:20:36.940
you'd have shit on the back of your balls yeah but that's that's negligible that's a negligible point
1.00
01:20:42.520
because you have running water like there's a new system where you wipe it with your balls
1.00
01:20:48.220
and dip your balls in a little like a little like oh that'd be great there's like a little water like
0.97
01:20:52.980
a little water bowl maybe that's what the seashells were for from demolition man oh yeah dude they call
1.00
01:21:00.240
it we'll call it the ball bidet you wipe your ass with your balls water shoots up and cleans off the
0.99
01:21:05.500
back of your balls you go on the road you go on with the rest of your day you go on the road
0.99
01:21:10.000
no paper involved yeah yeah true true have you have you had to use the because again like i said we
0.99
01:21:17.760
have a really bad septic tank so we've had to buy the cheap scott paper by the way i'm like legit mad
01:21:23.640
at your wife for you she said she was joking and i don't believe her now but i still don't believe
01:21:29.120
like but uh are we really gonna just like let this go that zach said no no you you wipe your
1.00
01:21:35.940
asshole you you have a bidet you had no no hold on hold on you have a bidet but you use your balls
1.00
01:21:41.840
you put the shit on your balls and then you bidet your balls so you have you have shit that has been
1.00
01:21:46.640
in your asshole and on your balls and then you just use a spray to get rid of it why would you do that
1.00
01:21:50.100
all i'm trying to do is promote biological self-reliance perfect for your butthole yeah truly and
1.00
01:21:56.440
honestly yeah if you're a woman and you're not wiping your asshole with your pussy lips i don't
1.00
01:21:59.980
want to have i don't want oh i'm sorry dude all i'll listen bugs because the bugs will just go in
1.00
01:22:05.960
and clean your intestinal tract out and then you don't have to shit anymore anymore yeah oh yeah
0.99
01:22:10.240
just hog it all up uh i will but like i was saying i had to use scott's uh toilet paper which is
1.00
01:22:16.880
scott's flushable come on yeah you might as well just fucking wipe your ass with your bare hand
1.00
01:22:22.160
like that shit is completely i literally like sandpaper because i mean they say that you get
1.00
01:22:27.220
like twice as much toilet paper but it's because they literally it's so thin i literally just grab
0.99
01:22:31.700
it i'm just like fold fold fold fold fold and wipe my ass and it's like it's always like glued on
0.93
01:22:36.420
like the first one is like yes terribly and you're like shredding it apart trying to get like
0.97
01:22:41.260
oh god and it's all we can use if we don't use that it will destroy our septic tank oh yeah
0.94
01:22:46.060
so like i i'm i'm in a uh fucked situation so we have a 1902 home and our plumbing is shit so i
0.99
01:22:52.760
mean it's not septic tank but the pipes are so small and weak that we have to use the cheapest
1.00
01:22:57.880
toilet paper like that so terrible city water you call yourself an anarchist you fucking piece of
1.00
01:23:02.720
shit i wonder if i feel like toad buys like triple ply like oh i got the nice uh yeah yeah yeah
1.00
01:23:14.620
you ever get those there's like manly butt wipes that have like the uh um dude wipes yeah they're
0.97
01:23:19.960
the dude my uh wife bought me them for christmas last year i forget what they had some kind of like
01:23:24.260
it wasn't aloe it was some kind of other like it was like mint like you have to wipe your butt you
0.88
01:23:28.360
have like minty minty kind of like cooling it's like it's like aftershave that's that's an
0.99
01:23:33.960
actually moron if ever i heard one that you know those manly butt wipes no i don't
1.00
01:23:38.160
uh just clinch just uses all the beanies he wears on this fucking podcast
1.00
01:23:44.280
how many times how many times do you have to wipe before you like stop and like and like 12 dude
0.97
01:23:52.920
lately 12 it's bad okay okay i feel bad for saying this like i i do stop at a point and i'm just like
01:24:00.980
there's still like a little bit like a brown on there i'm like i i mean i got most of it
01:24:06.920
it's literally all or nothing it's either like first wipe and done because it's like you're just
0.72
01:24:12.480
like magic or it's just like you're you're like all right fuck this usually by the third wipe i'm
0.86
01:24:17.760
like i i'm done you get to a point you're like this isn't gonna stop it just keeps coming i don't
1.00
01:24:22.780
know why my time is important to me let me let me tell you let me tell you something my asshole's
0.98
01:24:26.940
like the southern border everything's getting through dude there's nothing there's nothing i can do
0.99
01:24:31.540
to stop it dude there's just it doesn't matter dude you put border patrol down there good
01:24:36.020
here's my here's my policy you wipe four times on the fourth time if you see brown you wipe a fifth
0.87
01:24:41.120
time you don't look you're done you go if you go about you did you wipe the first time and there's
1.00
01:24:49.180
nothing on there already and you're like did i even just shit like it's definitely mine fuck
1.00
01:24:53.060
those those are very rare because my asshole is very hairy worst mommy said that's how you get uh
1.00
01:24:58.000
hemorrhoids i've never had hemorrhoids that's true that is true actually does have hemorrhoids
1.00
01:25:02.680
wait wait wait from all of what things did we say is the way from from from the uh leave
01:25:08.800
excessive excessive wiping yeah no i think non-excessive right you know none of you know
01:25:14.060
none of you know what you're talking about you know what they got hemorrhoids from pregnancy
0.97
01:25:18.660
let me let me tell you what's going on here so so cole this shit works out for me and you so if we
0.99
01:25:23.140
wipe our ass and like the fifth time there's like there's still shit on it we have the butt cheek
0.99
01:25:28.100
capacity to just be like we can go throughout the day and our butt cheeks are like stealing the
1.00
01:25:33.880
shit inside there clint who is i know he has told me multiple times he does not wear underwear and
1.00
01:25:40.540
wears basketball shorts constantly is doing the same thing so that means his butthole is directly
1.00
01:25:46.280
against these basketball shorts and he's just walking around just dirty assed all day like this
1.00
01:25:51.360
you're a dirty ass millionaire walking around like that's dope that's dope yo and not only that
0.99
01:25:57.620
but i'll go to the gym and i'll be oh man oh yeah i'm serious he'd be like doing he'd be like doing
1.00
01:26:04.920
bench press and he like gets up and like i mean that those ass cheek uh imprints but here's here's
0.67
01:26:11.480
the silver lining and i do this for kanye my my building filled with jews so hell yeah yeah i
01:26:17.800
supported kanye are we doing yay or cray tonight i don't think we have time we're an hour and a
01:26:22.460
half i'm not sticking around yeah no no i i kind of want to end like wrap this up with uh with
01:26:27.560
butthole wiping because i mean yeah yeah you're crazy good one i mean i'll explain it to you guys so
01:26:34.160
you know what you're missing out on my cousin are we not gonna do it just do it of course mommy said
0.99
01:26:39.720
that's kind of hot clint thank you jesus fuck send me news i guess i guess there is something too
0.98
01:26:46.980
because it's kind of like a woman not wearing panties what yearly salary at what if he was
0.98
01:26:56.500
going to make less money a year would it no longer be attractive that's what i want to know oh oh yeah
01:27:01.440
like if i was homeless it's not hot at all where is that cut off is it like a hundred thousand a year
0.99
01:27:07.540
120 it's how much money do i have to make to not wipe my ass at all right all right i bet if i was
0.98
01:27:13.820
bill gates i would stop showering like i think i think she meant the commando part not the five
0.99
01:27:19.060
not the five wipe and and run rule but those those are intertwined you can't separate those
01:27:26.180
like if that's happening it's still i'm surprised by how many women watch the show it's yeah mostly
1.00
01:27:32.900
women why all the comments we get are women and then like and lorenzo the crowd at the robbie the
01:27:41.460
event with robbie was like really weird we were like i was not expecting this demographic
01:27:45.440
the gangbang after though was way better than i expected no it's a middle-aged women
1.00
01:27:51.680
yeah it was crazy anyway so listen the game that we were gonna play was called uh yay or cray so my
01:27:57.500
cousin had a mental breakdown and he was threatening to kill my mom and like other family members it was
01:28:02.140
really fun on facebook um so we were just gonna pull up some of his uh some of his comments like
0.95
01:28:08.760
just like just i mean some of the most bizarre shit and then some of kanye west's comments and
01:28:13.720
see if we could determine which was which and i also want to say he's still on facebook which is
0.89
01:28:19.720
crazy he's literally threatening death like daily it's it's crazy it's like pulling us out by name
01:28:25.880
do you want to do it do you want to do it next episode what do we want to do we'll do the next
01:28:30.660
episode but i go on facebook and i say like something like i think trump did something pretty okay
01:28:35.420
here and they're like 30 day ban they just kick kick me like we laid this all out like hey mailbag
0.99
01:28:41.420
board we're gonna do all this tonight and then we don't do any fuck you mailbag boy
0.99
01:28:46.340
sorry but hey the yay or cray is gonna be pretty funny because uh like i saw some of those things
0.98
01:28:54.580
that uh tops cousin was saying and it is legit like it's insane yeah the guy it's like a mental
01:29:01.500
breakdown like i'm surprised you didn't get arrested or maybe you did it's such a poverty
01:29:07.720
ridden mental breakdown too because you just tell there's not much intelligence going on there
01:29:11.820
it's uh yeah it's in the family did robbie meet uh force mommy like last week i i feel like they
01:29:18.920
banked i don't know like i just feel like they did robbie like saw force mommy like last week
01:29:23.360
they're fire force really gonna be weird if they didn't honestly yeah honestly yeah
0.99
01:29:27.240
so good for them uh tell us in the comments if you fuck yeah or did you like blow them or give
0.99
01:29:35.600
them a hand job or something like something cool like that yeah i mean something casual between
1.00
01:29:40.020
friends yeah yeah yeah like a casual blowjob like like we do whenever tower game beats us it's all
1.00
01:29:46.040
did you did you fuck his girlfriend oh we should we should popularize the concept of like casual
0.99
01:29:52.980
blowjobs so like any any girls that watch the show like if you want to like meet us what we should
0.99
01:29:59.540
do you what you guys should do is have a call to action no so here's what you do you call call to
0.99
01:30:05.340
action all the ladies out there go to your nearest auto shop grab the the the the the nearest
1.00
01:30:12.820
defunct car battery and throw it over the overpass and film yourself doing it and if it hits a honda
01:30:19.480
accord when it's driving you get to be on the show for two minutes that's what happens
01:30:25.380
all you have to do is commit murder it will be a sweeping beneficial social program that gets rid of
01:30:34.360
honda accord drivers and and car batteries and and gets rid of yeah yeah yeah dead car batteries
01:30:41.680
and arrest white woman yes and it this is why i wanted zach on the show because i knew he would
01:30:47.080
bring the the genius concepts it was perfect oh yeah yes it's important to recycle he's the he's the
01:30:53.200
idea man in our sphere like he has he comes up with the best ideas on they're all felonies but he's got
01:30:58.800
a lot of you know if this will become if someone actually does it and be like your honor it was
01:31:04.120
legitimately a joke we say that as our defense hey guys here's an idea if you in your brain believe
01:31:15.920
someone is a fed murder them film it send it to us get on the show and totally fine like it's in your
01:31:22.740
if it's in your mind telling you they're a fed totally fine you lost in which case in which case
01:31:29.520
all the people that dm toad are going to be resting in peace i was i was just thinking of that those
01:31:35.300
memes about like uh the snail in my ear you know have you seen the uh those memes about telling me to
0.74
01:31:40.700
uh to murder like the the woman at the the drive-thru or some shit like that
1.00
01:31:44.700
weird intrusive thoughts yeah those weird intrusive thoughts like which trials but with feds and the
01:31:51.840
libertarian movement oh do you guys remember that uh video we were going to play the show a while
01:31:56.160
back of the dude getting uh thank you yeah there it is you you know i'm talking about the the video
01:32:03.220
you want us to play was a guy getting axe in the head and i didn't make that show but i was going
01:32:07.300
to defend it because i was going to defend it from the point of i think he was just like
01:32:10.340
had the axe and he had that split moment of like i should hit him in the head and they just like
01:32:14.260
split well you know you've never had intrusive thoughts where you're like i should just like
01:32:19.440
do that i have a thought no i have a thought right now i actually had the defense of it
01:32:23.540
yeah what's your thought i think that you guys should also install a holiday that's called um
01:32:29.940
violently abuse everyone darker than top lobs today because he seems to be he seems to be a good
01:32:36.520
border mark here because the problem is like all those people that are dark in the top can fight
0.98
01:32:41.760
and so like it's gonna be we just have to organize better than them cole doesn't just reach you
0.97
01:32:47.240
anything we just have to be more well armed not the ones in chairs you can fucking dude you could
0.99
01:32:52.700
you could really you could whoop up on a wheelchair bitch real quick by the way the defense of the
1.00
01:32:57.400
axe thing was the guy that had the axe in his hands he was planning on purchasing the axe from
0.98
01:33:02.800
somebody else so he had to test the merchandise to see if it worked first i swear he just had a
0.99
01:33:06.960
fuck up in his brain like you watch him he's just messing with it like not caring the world and just
1.00
01:33:11.060
like for a moment just like and it was like that thought in the back of the head like i should just hit him
1.00
01:33:14.820
the head and he's a donk and then probably that's true i shouldn't have done that dude i that's that's
0.76
01:33:19.480
true because have you ever like have you ever just had something and then you just just you don't know
0.99
01:33:23.580
why you do it you just go fang and you just hit somebody and they're like what the fuck and i'm like
0.97
01:33:28.500
i don't know either i really don't know either i don't really do that i do that to girls a lot
0.99
01:33:34.520
like legitimately it's the same it's the same um impulse that people get when they're holding a
0.89
01:33:40.980
beautiful beautiful newborn and they're like i should fucking grab a butt end of a screwdriver
0.99
01:33:50.820
the memes about like uh there's like that huge like ginormous
01:33:55.040
and there's like the earth and it's like it has a finger going down it's like whenever i see a baby
01:33:59.580
i don't know if this is the same thing but sometimes when i'm driving and my wife starts complaining i'm
01:34:07.340
looking at oncoming traffic and i'm like i could just end this right now
01:34:09.900
i have i have so many intrusive thoughts about like just riding off the road
01:34:15.100
like my main one is whenever i'm like especially next to like a small woman i'm just like in my
01:34:19.600
head i'm like wonder how far i could punch her
1.00
01:34:21.600
you'd be like i can definitely rape you right now
1.00
01:34:25.680
this is the main genesis of my anxiety disorder is that i get those thoughts but then i just like
0.96
01:34:32.760
can't let them go even though i've never acted on any of them how do you guys just let it go
01:34:37.920
i always like that one looks about 95 pounds i think i could probably like i might be able to
1.00
01:34:44.060
kill her you let it go you let it go by not by not watching porn when you jerk off that's you you
1.00
01:34:49.580
think about these things and then you really that's the terrible thing to jerk off to dude
1.00
01:34:54.880
that's the problem with like pedophiles is like they they were the ones that couldn't
0.97
01:34:59.040
like these were the intrusive thoughts and they just let them intrude and they never pushed them out
01:35:04.060
i mean i actually i don't think like i didn't well i guess i do think about like the uh the
01:35:09.220
driving and oncoming traffic sometimes you do you do right yeah or just like uh or like the edge of
01:35:16.040
like a big cliff and being like jump yeah i have these thoughts but then i have to pull my car over
01:35:21.740
and you guys are just like i go faster you know guys have actually murdered their wives that way
0.59
01:35:28.380
they're just like hey honey why don't you unbuckle your seat a little bit right now
01:35:31.680
it's kind of like a viral thing to do now of like like going insanely fast in traffic and just like
01:35:40.920
and like and there's videos of it and it's insane of people going like 90 100 miles an hour in like
01:35:47.320
pretty dense traffic and then just wrecking and it's there's a bunch of videos i can send
0.74
01:35:53.200
yeah but it's like it's all you want like the passenger seat and it's always black people
1.00
01:35:57.040
always like it's exactly really weird it's weird you ever be driving on a bridge and you're just
01:36:02.160
like one flick of my wrist it would end it all and you just go oh back to the normal reality
01:36:06.220
it's not that you're like i want to die you're just like huh i have dreams about it i have dreams
01:36:12.620
about driving over bridges and and uh careening off into the water yeah you know what sometimes
01:36:18.580
because i'm just driving on the road and it does make you feel like an npc it's like i can only do
01:36:22.740
this but then yeah you're right in florida especially there's a lot of like
01:36:25.740
and i think i think about jacob daniel and i think i think about jacob daniel and i look at god and i
01:36:42.860
say i could do this right now and i could i could totally just go whamp and right into that ditch
01:36:46.820
who cares right dude automotive automotive homicide is actually like the the ultimate red pill like
0.98
01:36:53.180
it's the next level like where where you're just like look i'm not playing with your fucking rules
0.98
01:36:58.120
anymore so you better you better get off the sidewalk grandma i'm in a multi-thousand pound
0.98
01:37:04.920
like metal machine i can do whatever you want this would be a war machine like 200 years ago this
0.98
01:37:17.240
would be the greatest technologically war machine ever built my corvette could fucking like cut kids
1.00
01:37:26.120
in half and i was just a disney world i'm gonna do it tomorrow jacob you said there wasn't you had
0.64
01:37:32.500
interest of thoughts that were mine is whenever i'm like like on a high uh like high rise or like
01:37:39.320
on top of something like a large drop off i think about like if like whether it's my wife or a friend
01:37:45.420
or sometimes my kids and they're like hanging off like the edge of the rail and i'm just like
01:37:48.780
i wonder if i push them if they would die or not oh yeah like are we at that critical point where like
0.87
01:37:53.420
are they dead or are they just like fucked up in the hospital for a few months
0.98
01:37:57.160
i don't think i don't think that's just a hassle i have
0.93
01:38:00.460
i uh i do also have the thing i don't know if i i've heard this is i've heard a lot of people have
01:38:09.780
had this and it might be a guy thing of like looking when you're driving or in a passenger seat
01:38:14.440
looking out the window and pretending you can shoot lasers out of your eyes and just cutting
01:38:19.020
everything like you're just passing by and just cutting trees down
0.95
01:38:30.780
i totally love everybody but if i cut you in half with my eyes i fucking would
1.00
01:38:37.300
i look like cyclops and i'm just mowing people down
0.99
01:38:41.700
i just imagine his wife driving around and just looking out the window dreamy out of the clouds
01:38:45.780
did you guys see wait did you see the video i sent you in the group chat about the these kids in
01:38:53.140
i mean it's europe but they put all boys in a house and then they put all girls in the house
01:38:57.920
this is we're describing exactly that all the girls in the house for 10 days they were like doing
0.78
01:39:03.300
fashion shows and like who's gonna cook today and all this shit they also clean up
0.97
01:39:07.780
and bully the shit out of two girls yeah they were kind of mean but that's like normal
0.99
01:39:11.940
the boys immediately wrecked the place they bullied each other they separated into gangs
0.97
01:39:18.120
it was amazing i was like yes they went straight lord of the flies by the way my my thought my thought
01:39:24.620
as opposed to being like lasers out of my eyes whenever i meet my guy friends especially from
0.98
01:39:28.660
the internet i think about like i i size them up and i decide if i can rape them or if they can rape
0.96
01:39:33.260
me and then are you being serious like if you're being serious that is really funny
0.98
01:39:38.040
what do you think could you rape me it's it's it's not i mean you're pretty quick but like i think i
0.99
01:39:43.960
could overpower you i think but i feel like with rape you have to be able to like especially with a
0.99
01:39:48.440
man you need to be like greatly overpower them so it's like it's not like could i beat you in a
0.92
01:39:53.520
fight like could i rape you is like another level so yeah the thing is it's like it's it's like
01:39:58.760
touching rim versus dunking yeah that's a great analogy because i can actually hang on the rim
0.94
01:40:05.340
and i am nowhere near you no you can't yeah no when i every time i the the the the thing that i
01:40:11.620
always thought you can touch my rim whenever you want clint oh come on now come on now you make that
01:40:18.560
thing pulsate a little bit come on now make a quiver dude here's the difference between you and me
01:40:25.040
cole you would think about like lasers coming coming out of your eyes when you were watching
01:40:28.500
things pass in the car i was a child at five and i'm and my dad's driving i'm like they better not
01:40:33.260
ban fracking you're right i've i thought about it for you ever like very little and the problem is i
01:40:41.860
also then my like autistic brain comes in and i literally think and i it's it's literally every
01:40:47.500
time think about if the laser were going would it follow the curvature of the earth and come back
0.90
01:40:52.960
around and kill me or to just go off into space forever wouldn't if you have flatter of dave on your
1.00
01:40:57.900
fucking lasers lasers not prone to gravity you goddamn imbecile i know but like wait look at dave
1.00
01:41:05.620
in the in the chat talking about if he can kill animals like this that's just a step too far
1.00
01:41:09.740
black holes can bend yeah yeah jesus man decapitate kids don't kill animals
1.00
01:41:14.980
running over old people not pets monster yeah it is crazy i have talking about raping our best guy
0.99
01:41:23.740
friends not killing you'll never work for this show david yeah dude you had to be the producer
0.99
01:41:30.860
of this show you have to not have gone through puberty yet okay there's a line there's a line and
01:41:37.700
you just passed it we don't talk about hurting pets there's a guy new in high school that he would uh
01:41:42.860
i think i've told this before that he would bury the kittens up to their necks and then run over
01:41:46.280
with a lawnmower oh yeah he let his intrusive thoughts win i do love you i do love the idea
01:41:51.820
that if i lose this battle that like decades from now there'll be a story going around but
01:41:55.680
if you're that time that one guy literally killed the one with one punch
01:41:58.940
that's literally you know who you know who actually lived this and is and is the most successful person
01:42:07.620
in the world still it's mark walberg dude he punched a vietnamese guy's eye out yeah and he's
0.90
01:42:14.020
fucking a celebrity dude but he had head down yeah yeah he keeps his head down and his shoulder
0.91
01:42:23.040
oh my god it gets me thinking about these people that do these mass murders and shit it's like
0.99
01:42:34.700
they're just acting on their inhibitions but they're extremely uncreative like cole was saying
1.00
01:42:38.740
i would be cutting people in half with my eyes or with my dick maybe even like a laser through my
1.00
01:42:42.760
dick they oh boy i don't know you did a lobotomy on a gay black man so what when going back to like
1.00
01:42:48.820
when will smith uh slapped chris rock i was like that's so uncreative like if you're gonna get pissed
0.99
01:42:53.580
off and go and assault someone like cut his head off yeah like do something more interesting to just
0.99
01:42:57.600
like bitch him in the balls like you know what astounds me though the low body counts at those
1.00
01:43:03.500
it's like people they always freak out like oh my god these don't be wrong every every life it's
1.00
01:43:07.800
like sacred whatever the fuck but like you're like really this is an unarmed populace and you only got
01:43:14.020
16 what is the only the only mass shooter i've ever respected was a christ church guy i was like
0.98
01:43:19.880
all right 60 like all right yeah you're putting in you're putting in work everybody else it's like
01:43:24.820
it's like a dozen i'm like dude you you've been training for this for how long come on yeah
0.96
01:43:29.600
this is how you decide to go out and you this is how bad you fuck up like that truck at waukesha
0.95
01:43:35.860
waukesha did a pretty decent decent job no the one that is the one that is a really like six yeah
0.99
01:43:41.800
yeah wow i take it back the biggest fucking fuck up because he like shot like thousands of rounds
0.97
01:43:49.540
and got what like yeah but those were like 15 saudis from a helicopter that doesn't count
0.99
01:43:54.560
i'm still saying they still shot thousands of rounds that only got like was it like 15 dead it
01:44:01.780
wasn't that many like it wasn't no they would do there's 50 how many guys still i mean i mean the
01:44:06.960
the ratio there well considering that there was thousands of people down below and you're just
01:44:10.540
fucking rapid firing all over the place yeah yeah and you only hit like 50 i mean come on and what
0.81
01:44:16.520
what it makes me think is like you're so unlucky to be like first off you're super unlucky to be at that
1.00
01:44:23.060
event right and then there's thousands of people and you're one of the 50 that's just too dumb to
0.91
01:44:27.820
get out of the way of the bullet you know hold on hold on wasn't it wasn't it wasn't it a jason
0.98
01:44:31.940
aldean concert it was it was a country music festival i was i was at the same festival two years prior
0.84
01:44:39.600
and i was like and i hate country music but this fucking hot girl invited me so i went but anyways i
0.99
01:44:45.140
didn't get shot at the official story about like it being from the hotel and and the massive
0.97
01:44:50.280
arsenal that i had i'm like how like don't get us started none of it makes sense don't get us
01:44:54.760
started because this nobody was like this guy's made like a hundred trips into his room with these
01:44:59.540
giant bags just like what's it like it was like whoa i don't care well and andy has no motive
01:45:05.380
and the sandy hook shooter wasn't even a resident of that school like
01:45:10.240
you know david hogg to get our channel moved i appreciate it well i i respect the sandy hook
01:45:19.600
shooter the least because he never did any of it so all right wow there we go and he went after
0.99
01:45:25.900
little kids which is just not cool unless you're in your fucking corvette in which case
0.98
01:45:29.600
that's right or you have laser eyes on the front of it you have laser eyes and you see if you have
0.99
01:45:34.560
laser eyes dude if i end up running over kids at disneyland tomorrow my corvette or if cole like
0.55
01:45:39.620
assassinates a bunch of people with his eyes like don't say we didn't warn you so the laser eyes thing
01:45:45.740
is cool because i can't can other people see your lasers like i i think of them as uh cyclops from x-men
01:45:52.840
also it's like a red it's like a red beam that just comes out of my eyes so they'll be able to
01:45:57.680
track him see i really liked that there was a guy going around with his uh his nephew or something
01:46:02.200
like that and he was laying in the trunk with a sniper rifle yes and just shooting people in the
0.99
01:46:06.780
parking lot they were like dude that was a dc sniper yeah they were the biggest that was fucking sick
0.97
01:46:11.540
they got away with it for a long time you should do that
0.96
01:46:17.380
you know i've i've clint clint's been waiting realized to try to honeypot somebody and finally
01:46:33.280
top's the one that's radicalizing me i i thought these were just intrusive thoughts that i've been
01:46:40.260
fighting you guys are embracing them and you're just like this is awesome we just let you know
01:46:44.320
it's perfectly normal go go ahead zach i'm sorry i was just gonna say i finally thought of uh an
01:46:50.020
irrational fear that i have um i didn't give it at the at the beginning and nobody asked so i as a
01:46:56.840
bashful boy that i am i i stayed quiet um um i have an irrational fear of having an extraordinarily
0.98
01:47:06.100
long hair in my penis hole and having to pull it out i've had that before but not like that line
0.99
01:47:13.680
like somehow my wife's hair has gone in my people before i don't know how the fuck it happened but
1.00
01:47:17.800
it happened i was it was like infinite like one of those uh like magician's tricks where they pull
0.97
01:47:23.080
like the cloth out forever it's like no it's not let's not be ridiculous toad no
01:47:27.540
this is a bunch of ribbons i feel like that wouldn't even hurt no because i'm a feel like i
0.99
01:47:35.680
feel like event like if i keep pulling my balls gonna come out oh that's one of my one of my
0.77
01:47:41.140
rational fears is uh is like the skin like that's rational the nail like one of your nails get the
0.96
01:47:48.600
hangnails and like ripping that thing and just say oh yeah let's go let's go just keep going
0.99
01:47:53.820
that's an irrational fear yeah that's why you just gotta get rid of them like a like a fucking candy
0.98
01:47:58.540
cane down your yeah it just keeps going like like the string cheese whenever you were little just
0.99
01:48:02.680
it just keeps going just all the way up an irrational irrational rational fear of mine is
01:48:07.560
like breaking my pinky finger i broke both of them i broke them backwards but like i still if
01:48:13.340
someone's throwing something at me it's like flash yeah but it's irrational because it's like
01:48:17.620
very rare for that to happen but i still will i'll keep these two fingers together if i'm it's
0.96
01:48:22.180
also very rare to get your weird ass skin color so maybe you just attract rarities in life
0.99
01:48:28.080
oh i i actually have another i i've one this is coming from the fucking ginger this is unbelievable
0.99
01:48:33.660
i cannot believe this we're at an hour 50 yeah and top has beautiful skin you do you do have
0.98
01:48:40.560
beautiful skin all right i have an irrational fear of windmills actually and it's not because i hate the
01:48:46.060
climate change agendas because i like i always envisioned the blades just spinning right off of
01:48:51.740
the thing and flying right at me decapitating me you know what i'm saying is it is it because you
01:48:57.140
you you actually do look like a toad and birds of prey are yes are your natural enemy so things high
0.99
01:49:04.620
in the sky with flapping fucking extremities scare the shit out of you anything above them
0.99
01:49:10.040
when you started that when you started that reply i was like this is going nowhere and then you
0.98
01:49:15.280
fucking nailed it good job this is what ty aims to be
0.95
01:49:19.220
this is long meandering jokes but then it gets and it hits
0.98
01:49:23.780
this is a lot of meandering jokes and then fizzles out right at the end
01:49:27.060
and then you take a long inhale what do you do every wednesday do you want to do all the work for
01:49:32.580
we have an opening um can you change your name to some weird reptile
1.00
01:49:38.880
you look like a charmeleon charmeleon what the fuck oh yeah chameleon
0.99
01:49:47.520
if we were playing toad with charmeleon that'd be pretty funny
1.00
01:49:52.580
all right guys let's do plugs get the fuck out of here
0.99
01:49:55.740
i do want to ask real quick uh top why'd you uh shave your head like why'd you cut your hair
0.94
01:50:00.560
oh i just got i just got bored of it i don't know it looks better like that you made the right
01:50:05.400
decision uh clint russell liberty lockdown subscribe make sure that you like comment
01:50:09.280
and subscribe on this episode right now and make sure you also go to toplobs.com pick up
0.98
01:50:13.960
fucking naturalist capitalist shit and everybody else's shit and then uh make sure that you also
0.99
01:50:18.200
uh subscribe to the show on your audio catcher because it's very probable that we'll get nuked off
1.00
01:50:23.800
of youtube so you want to make sure you don't miss any episodes you know what i'm saying
01:50:26.240
wait wait do you guys like the hair or not because clint said he hated it
01:50:30.320
i like it i don't know i like it the picture where you're buff and you had a little bit of a like
01:50:33.780
a little bit in the top i want you to look like young uh rock yeah i thought you look like you
01:50:40.360
like you were yeah you were trying out for like jersey shore like reboot yeah yeah you look like
01:50:47.900
which is kind of cool you look you look like you're yeah you shaved your head and you're like
01:50:52.540
i'm going to israel now that's kind of like what you look like right now
01:50:54.980
like i i i yeah but like not not the tiny hat wasn't fitting on the hair so i had to shave it
01:51:02.280
off no no no no he looks like he's going there to commit atrocities let's be honest
01:51:06.000
i'm just trying to can we touch on the uh honestly you look like you look like you were throwing rocks
01:51:12.440
all right so all right that's the perfect way to end it
0.99
01:51:16.900
what's the patreon for us yeah patreon.com slash tower gang pod oh it was like fuck this i'm out uh
1.00
01:51:25.280
jacob real quick plug your shit you're muted you dumbass perfect right
1.00
01:51:31.260
at biblical anarchy on twitter finally shit there zach um at unfit statesman on uh twitter and
1.00
01:51:42.140
instagram all everywhere you find podcasts except youtube and uh patreon.com slash unfit statesman
0.99
01:51:49.540
you go fucking over there and you give me some fucking hey i've been on his uh patreon stream
0.99
01:51:54.320
multiple times it's always good shit it's funny yeah it's funny i almost forgot you guys have two
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01:51:59.100
days at podcast merch.com to buy uh the latest it's like skanks legion of skanks uh christmas stuff
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use promo code ho ho ho for 10 off you and also uh i get pieces of shit part of the problem uh
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shirt too out there that's right that's exclusive that's there's only a couple left so go buy that
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hell yeah i'm jose guys on i have the no way jose show i got some more okc stuff coming up for you
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guys soon i know a lot of you guys are demanding that uh yeah um that's all i got yeah follow me
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no way jose that's my podcast um at the fat dave on twitter also uh zach someone mentioned are you
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afraid of catheters because that's what you basically described with the hair yeah i'm also
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have you had a has anybody had a catheter because i had and it fucking sucks afterwards no but i'm
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afraid of it it literally it it feels like uh needles because they make you piss and if you don't
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piss like they put it back in but when they take it out and you have to piss it feels like needles
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like going into your dick and you like pee like tiny little dribbles it's it's one of the most
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like the most intense like pain i'm guessing it's kind of the same pain as a um uh a kidney stone
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jose's got to get out of here he only got 60 dollars from his father yeah dude let's let's wrap
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like listen let's let's let's wrap this shit up the blacks are the real israelites let's go come
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on come on amen that day we see like a dying animal on the road that's just like sitting there like
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just there watch it and talk to it as it's like they're suffering instead of just putting it out
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of it usually i usually i watch it as it slowly like inflates as it uh and then blows up i don't
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know if you ever watched that happen to roadkill over the time but it's really funny yeah you guys
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keep going tangents let's get no no no tower game toad tower power uh subscribe to the patreon and then
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you can submit to the mail bob oh yeah fuckers peace peace you actually i love that that night
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