Ep 115 - Chicken Washers
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 47 minutes
Words per Minute
209.64764
Hate Speech Sentences
224
Summary
This week on No Way Jose, Cole, and Cole are joined by the most racist man who's ever been brown, Mr. Top Lobster, and the original jacked midget, Jose Galesan. They talk about racism, racism, and more racism.
Transcript
00:00:06.600
So I can only fit a third of my dick into Toad's...
00:00:12.300
You wanna kill me or you wanna give me a boner?
00:00:21.000
Any of you guys ever had the mythical where they put the whole thing in and then do that shit where they're like,
00:00:36.500
She was a 10 in real life, she's like a dead 8.
00:01:06.300
We're fucking running around here like a bunch of white racists.
00:01:09.300
As always, we got the most racist man who's ever been brown.
00:01:27.900
Went from being a fat midget to a jacked midget.
00:01:35.900
I am all aspires to, and I've already gotten too lazy to keep up with.
00:01:50.100
I almost thought about joining from the ER, but I was like, my wife might get mad about
00:01:54.700
that, and the nurses might throw us out for saying racist comments, but.
00:02:00.300
Like, this is once a week for like an hour and a half.
00:02:02.900
She's got to, you know, find a way to be able to let you make time for this.
00:02:13.900
Oh, I think about my actual job, because I'm a low on that, too.
00:02:16.900
I had to take like two days off last week, and I was like, damn.
00:02:28.900
It's very difficult for Cole to be in the ER and not put N-I-G-G before it.
00:02:33.900
I really can't believe you complained about running out of PTO when you work from home.
00:02:45.900
If you run out of PTOs, it's kind of like you could just be like, well, this is what I'm
00:03:00.900
I took off the next day after my son was in the ER just because, like, I don't know.
00:03:06.900
And so I could have just said I was working because I was at home, and I did get a couple
00:03:16.900
I'm a true capitalist because I even try to work for the man as hard as I can.
00:03:38.900
I cannot take you seriously when you're like, you guys just got so good.
00:03:44.900
He literally was complaining today about his commute that is nine miles and takes two
00:03:57.900
And he was like, I had to commute two hours both ways on public transit.
00:04:16.900
Like, if he was still in Boston and he was, like...
00:04:19.900
If he was still in Boston and bitching, kind of, sort of like Toad does, I would be...
00:04:27.900
Like, so much logistics to, like, this and that.
00:05:05.900
I did see your sister on the corner this weekend.
00:05:09.900
Or when you kill yourself, just make it entertaining, please.
00:05:19.900
I'm assuming you have a decent amount of equity in your house,
00:05:21.900
because you've said you've owned that house for a long period of time.
00:05:23.900
I can see that you have equity in that fucking TV behind you.
00:05:29.900
He has equity in a home in a shithole blue state, and he's not liquidating it.
00:05:34.900
At some point, like, I'm going to be mean to you.
00:06:40.900
You either live stream it as, like, a really fun...
00:06:43.900
What's the biggest, like, skyscraper in Boston?
00:07:10.900
Dude, you should self-immolate in front of a George Floyd statue.
00:07:22.900
Imagine all the online schizos, like, what does this mean?
00:07:27.900
Imagine he survives and now he's just on Tower Gang.
00:07:35.900
You can see, like, their skin looks so terrible.
00:07:54.900
But Boston, by the way, they had a statue of Abraham Lincoln and it's in, like, this square called Lincoln Square.
00:08:03.900
But they removed the statue because it was Lincoln, like, sitting in a chair and he had a slave shining his shoes.
00:08:13.900
They remove it for the one reason they shouldn't.
00:08:21.900
They put them in, like, a museum, but, like, in the back, in the warehouse.
00:08:24.900
Listen, when Tower Gang gets its studios and we really take this thing off, we're buying, like, some of the most racist statues and that'll be right outside.
00:08:31.900
Be cool if you're watching, investment opportunity.
00:08:37.900
We can buy all of the Confederate statues and just have them surrounding our compound.
00:08:40.900
You know how many people have those, like, Roman statue gardens?
00:08:43.900
I think we should do that, but with all the racist statues.
00:08:49.900
I would unironically love to own a bunch of Confederate statues.
00:08:53.900
Like, it's, like, almost like you have this museum-like building, almost, and it, like, that's the studio and you have a whole column, like, that you walk through.
00:09:03.900
There's, like, Hitler, Mao, and they're, like...
00:09:05.900
And they're, like, it's so disparate, and they're, like, what connects all these?
00:09:16.900
We're, like, well, actually, this guy here, this statue, he killed a hundred blacks.
00:09:30.900
I don't know if it's in the spreadsheet, but remember we had that picture of that micropenis statue?
00:09:44.900
They're not taking those, the Greek statues down.
00:09:47.900
They're just taking down the really cool statues of, like, cool guys throughout history.
00:10:01.900
Toad is actually in, like, a lifelong pain Olympics.
00:10:09.900
It's the random Saturday headaches that he had for years.
00:10:15.900
But now he's doing that with every day of his life.
00:10:17.900
I like how it turned into soldier through when clearly he said power through.
00:10:20.900
This is one of those Mandela moments, but he might have said soldier through.
00:10:41.900
I know you don't believe we can do good without you, but that episode was funny, man.
00:10:49.900
Sometimes there'll be a silence where we're like, all right, now who's gonna talk?
00:10:52.900
Coal's gonna come in with, like, the next retarded thing that no one is gonna think of.
00:10:55.900
Coal is the color commentary in our color commentary show.
00:11:09.900
You know when you, like, just find, like, a little bit of, like, cum in your stomach hair?
00:11:14.900
And you're like, wait a minute, when did this get here?
00:11:38.900
Like, that was, like, the highest thing, like...
00:11:40.900
Like, one of those, like, really high thoughts to where you just go...
00:11:47.900
Yeah, you thought Top took something before the show.
00:11:52.900
He's just like, I'll get them to shut the fuck up about moving.
00:11:56.900
I'll just take some random act off the fucking shit.
00:12:00.900
You ever have cum just dripping down your face?
00:12:06.900
If I jerk off in the shower at all, like, I will get cum in my feet hair.
00:12:25.900
But, like, I guess there's times where you probably miss a spot or something.
00:12:28.900
And you wake up and then, like, oh, your little, like, happy trail is all crusty.
00:12:40.900
But do you ever fucking wake up and go, whose is this?
00:12:46.900
So this happened to me, like, I don't even remember, a while ago.
00:13:18.900
I thought you were saying that you should say that to them in that moment.
00:13:35.900
It is very weird whenever you do pull out and there is something on your penis that wasn't
00:13:46.900
Like, usually it happens when they're on their period.
00:13:59.900
Toad, you don't know what you're talking about.
00:14:00.900
When did you pull out a ring with your fucking penis hole?
00:14:04.900
If we go fishing in the vagina and you get a boot or something...
00:14:08.900
Honestly, you know how much I love the Jews, but that's the most...
00:14:12.900
That's the most base thing about the Jews where they're like, like, their wife is just starting
00:14:16.900
They're like, you're sleeping in the other room.
00:14:24.900
But everything else they do is fucking shitty, but that's pretty cool.
00:14:26.900
Dude, it's amazing that they even made it to six million of them because they only
00:14:38.900
It's when it's like shit's ready to go and they're all horned up.
00:14:50.900
There's no, like, all the foreskin is gone, so it's just all not gonna get caught in
00:14:55.900
It's going straight all down, like, down the tube.
00:14:57.900
That doesn't seem scientific, but I'm nodding along anyways.
00:15:01.900
Honestly, if Code said that, we would all make fun of him.
00:15:06.900
Yeah, Cole, what do you not know nothing about anatomy?
00:15:19.900
I want to clip the whole thing, I do not know nothing.
00:15:29.900
It is kind of with the beard that he's got going on.
00:15:33.900
Elizabeth's calling me Abraham today, and I smacked a bitch for thinking I was Jewish.
00:15:41.900
I would much rather be a Jethro than an Abraham.
00:15:44.900
Yo, when you just got stubble, my dick is fully erect, but right now...
00:15:57.900
You look like a gym rat that lives out of his van right now.
00:16:05.900
The mustache hairs that go into your mouth, like get on your lip, I cannot stop playing
00:16:30.900
You gotta trim the hair so it doesn't get in your fucking mouth.
00:16:34.900
What I was gonna say is, did you know that Orthodox Jews, when they die, they...
00:16:54.900
They ceremonially collect all of the person's bodily fluids and bury them with them.
00:17:02.900
Do they have to, like, go out and, like, collect...
00:17:10.900
That's the entire premise, because we were having fun.
00:17:16.900
I feel like sperm banks turn away Jewish people.
00:17:20.900
I feel like they see them in there, and they're like...
00:17:31.900
You know that the Jews have been kicked out of 187 sperm banks?
00:17:50.900
It was like this clinic, but it was kind of just like, I don't know, like a waiting room,
00:17:54.900
and then like a bathroom, and they're like, hey, I can go in here and like, I don't know, jizz in this cup.
00:17:58.900
I like the thought that it wasn't a sperm bank, and it was just a dude just like...
00:18:05.900
We have some playboys in there, and then they paid me with Taco Bell afterwards.
00:18:17.900
You came into the plasma dispenser or collector?
00:18:36.900
You'd go in there and be like, I want to buy...
00:18:39.900
No, because I blew it all on a Taco Bell challenge, so...
00:18:44.900
I don't know what that is either, but it has something to do with gambling.
00:18:47.900
I swear to God, I'm going to block you, though.
00:18:57.900
You have to have multiple people do it because it's a competition.
00:19:02.900
It was like, the hardest part is finding the friends.
00:19:10.900
Like, you get with a friend and you're like, you know what we're going to do?
00:19:12.900
We're going to eat a bunch of fucking Taco Bell so you can do it quicker.
00:19:17.900
This is definitely something that you would do in college.
00:19:19.900
I guess I did cooler shit in the semester I was in college, but I guess that's why I
00:19:23.900
Think about what the prices were like at Taco Bell in 2006, though.
00:19:31.900
It's $30 and you cannot repeat any menu items and you can only get one beverage.
00:19:35.900
So, you have to like really strategize this shit.
00:19:38.900
So, I was like getting really autistic and thinking like, what's the most expensive shit?
00:19:52.900
So, you're upgrading the steak, upgrading the steak.
00:19:54.900
And then like your one beverage, you're getting like a large water because it like costs as
00:20:05.900
It was a fountain drink and I filled it with water.
00:20:12.900
You're trying to spend $30 and then eat it all.
00:20:14.900
Taco Bell made it up and then got suckers like fucking Toe to go in there and spend $30
00:20:24.900
It seems like some activity a nerd fraternity would be.
00:20:28.900
The winner of the Taco Bell Challenge is the first person to finish all of the stuff
00:20:43.900
I mean, I guess I'd be down, but I'd be like...
00:20:45.900
So, I was not in a frat, but I was in the men's glee club at my college and it was frat-like.
00:20:54.900
I would say there was a frat that had a lot of the glee club people and it was kind
00:21:08.900
In college, there are the nerd fraternities and there are...
00:21:11.900
Not a lot of hot chicks go there, but there's a decent amount and if you're a decent dude,
00:21:15.900
you can just come and swoop them away from the nerds.
00:21:17.900
I used to go hang out with the nerd fraternities.
00:21:18.900
Like, they're always chill as fuck, like to talk about the stuff I like to talk about
00:21:27.900
I'm paying a bunch of sixes over not getting an eight.
00:21:35.900
Like, you go to, like, the Wrath Skeller, which is like this, like, basement basically
00:21:40.900
where everybody's just binge drinking and you basically just have to drink as much as
00:21:49.900
That's the most autistic way to describe, you know, the coming of age of...
00:21:54.900
Like, well, we have these dregs and then you have this, like, kind of weird ethereal peer pressure
00:22:00.900
No, then you just keep doing it and then you smoke a doobie.
00:22:11.900
You get $30 worth of food and you shit your pants.
00:22:13.900
Well, the men's glee club was interesting because we would go on...
00:22:21.900
We got to perform in Spain and shit like that, but we also...
00:22:24.900
How many of the men in the glee club that you sang with, how many of them still have hair?
00:22:34.900
At least one of them you could argue killed himself because he was such a drug addict.
00:22:46.900
All I'm learning is, like, Toad started his gambling and alcohol addiction very early.
00:22:55.900
Did this guy compete in the Taco Bell challenge by chance?
00:23:03.900
Jeremy said, I'm getting out of Boston one way or the other.
00:23:09.900
Like most of the people in the glee club, he was, like, very likely homosexual.
00:23:21.900
Well, that was very disappointing for the women when we went...
00:23:27.900
The women were disappointed when they thought we were gay.
00:23:29.900
They saw the glee club come in and that pussy got wet.
00:23:38.900
And you're surrounded by a bunch of gay glee club dudes.
00:23:51.900
So, whenever they saw, like, any men whatsoever, it was like, they were, like, crowding around
00:23:57.900
I didn't realize what a fucking perfect scam being in the league club would be.
00:24:06.900
Like, and the gay dudes bring in the chicks even more.
00:24:10.900
Toad has turned down more pussy than any of us has gotten, is what he's trying to
00:24:24.900
In a different perspective, that's what he's saying.
00:24:32.900
He's saying he could have got a lot of pussy, but he turned it down.
00:24:46.900
No, yeah, I turned down a foursome in Avignon when I was 16.
00:24:51.900
Yeah, we know about the foursome you tried to turn down with Cole.
00:25:21.900
Dude, I could do that for the rest of the show.
00:25:23.900
Just rift the whole episode and bully you, Joe.
00:25:39.900
Michael Vibration actually made a video with his entry.
00:26:07.900
Three and a half years ago, she was rushed into hospital with a migraine, which left her
00:26:24.900
The title of the video is she woke up speaking Chinese.
00:26:30.900
Missed opportunity to call it fish and chinks though.
00:26:47.900
Sarah has been diagnosed with foreign accent syndrome.
00:27:08.900
Oh my god, imagine going through speech therapy while you're faking it.
00:27:17.900
We can't give you any definitive answers about exactly what's happening.
00:27:49.900
This is like that South Park where Cartman could just like yell all these like curse words
00:28:01.900
You can be massively racist and just say you have foreign accents in your home.
00:28:14.900
So his question is in relation to the above clip.
00:28:17.900
If y'all woke up with foreign accent syndrome tomorrow, what would be yours?
00:28:25.900
Honestly, I'd be British because I feel like that British is like, it's pretty sexy.
00:28:30.900
I was just thinking what sounds more retarded, like a Chinese accent or a British accent?
00:28:43.900
I think it's got to be black though, because then you get the N word pass.
00:28:58.900
You're still going to get laid out, but it'd be funny.
00:29:02.900
White dudes, if they can sell it, they can get away with it.
00:29:04.900
It's only like the fucking like, like the white women that will be like, you can't
00:29:11.900
Everyone else is kind of like, well, I mean, dude, he's like, look at his body language.
00:29:31.900
She didn't dress up in a fucking kimono and like, put on that weird, like white face
00:29:36.900
With the little fucking weird little pointy hats and the little robe.
00:29:39.900
She didn't dress like a geisha, which isn't Chinese.
00:29:42.900
No, she just had a British Asian accent that she was obviously faking.
00:29:46.900
That'd be based if she had, if she had just gone all in and she was like, I'm going to
00:29:58.900
You have to shit in the street and then like own a 7-Eleven.
00:30:01.900
Like you just have to do like, immediately just buy like a 7-Eleven.
00:30:04.900
I hope this bitch started fundraisers and shit for awareness and all sorts of everything.
00:30:14.900
Another one is, you could just be like a white woman and then you just have to transition.
00:30:46.900
I mean the good thing about that is no one would know if I could actually speak it or
00:30:52.900
One of the 10,000 people that speak this language in Africa are going to see me.
00:30:58.900
They're going to see me on their Obama phones, right?
00:31:00.900
I want to be some populated South American tribe that doesn't even completely have a full
00:31:06.900
It's more just like, you know, sounds to call out to other people for hunting trips and
00:31:13.900
Now, the other one is, there's a funny thing about it, like kind of on Family Guy, when
00:31:18.900
Peter becomes an Uber driver and all of a sudden it becomes like Middle Eastern.
00:31:24.900
You just start, you just become a Middle Eastern man, just put on a ton of cologne, get a bunch
00:31:34.900
And then just like yell on a fucking, like a Bluetooth headset just all the time.
00:31:49.900
I don't know if you saw that video this week from that documentary where like there
00:31:53.900
These guys got pulled over by some like Nigerians or something like that.
00:32:14.900
I don't know how we could coordinate this, but I do think we need to go back to the old
00:32:18.900
And occasionally it'd be great if we could figure a way to coordinate this.
00:32:26.900
Whenever Toad bombed in a joke, we would just all go completely silent.
00:32:35.900
He's like, I would greatly prefer you guys all mock me every time I say a bad joke.
00:32:47.900
The problem is Toad didn't say a bad joke in moderation.
00:32:53.900
That's where Nick, Nick went wrong on the show.
00:32:55.900
He started getting like really mean to Toad to the point where, when he saw you at Tom
00:33:02.900
He didn't even know about the threesome at that point.
00:33:05.900
Keep my wife's name out your motherfucking mouth.
00:33:10.900
I'm still keeping the proper level of pity towards Toad, so I'll never be really vicious
00:33:22.900
So Novum says, last week I got into a 75 mile per hour car accident.
00:33:31.900
I mean, I've, I fucking ran straight into a telephone pole when I was in high school
00:33:39.900
I mean, I, I, I, I talked about mine last week, right?
00:33:48.900
I was going, I was not going 75 like you, but I was probably going like 40, 50 went right
00:33:54.900
Uh, it was like the, the road was kind of slick.
00:33:58.900
So it was kind of like a slick road and they fucking came around a corner and I was kind
00:34:03.900
And I kind of whoop fucking then right into it.
00:34:05.900
The funniest part is that like when I got up, like I just walked it off like a G, but
00:34:10.900
But in my head, like literally my vision was flipped and I was just like, Oh, but like
00:34:16.900
And I got like, I got like put on this like masculine view of the outside world.
00:34:20.900
I was in a, I had my first car was a Chevy geo tracker and it was a junk.
00:34:29.900
It was, it was a piece of shit, which those are very like prone to flipping over.
00:34:35.900
Um, and also had different size tires on the car as well.
00:34:39.900
And then it had, it was the first rain of the summer.
00:34:41.900
Uh, and so like the roads are like super slick.
00:34:44.900
This is the type of shit that only someone that's plasma deficient would.
00:34:51.900
And I turned and I felt the back, uh, like passenger tire lift off the ground.
00:34:56.900
And I was like, Oh, and then that thing just flipped, turn me around and I was going,
00:35:03.900
The thing was why it was so like life threatening.
00:35:07.900
Like I was close to death because if I went off the other way, it was a hundred foot drop
00:35:15.900
Like it was, I said, I went into like the other way, which was just like a little ditch.
00:35:18.900
And I flipped over and I was literally like upside down.
00:35:23.900
And I, and immediately I just called my mom and I was still like, I was still.
00:35:31.900
And then like, I unhooked my, um, seatbelt and I fell to the other side.
00:35:37.900
And I was like, I just unhooked my seatbelt and I just hit the other side of the car.
00:35:47.900
So I pushed up against the convertible and crawled out.
00:36:06.900
It's just like, yeah, I was like, I bet that's kind of sucks.
00:36:09.900
I haven't had a ton of accents, but I've actually had a lot of, I've had way more close calls
00:36:14.900
and like moments where I'm like, I think I'm going to die or something crazy is happening.
00:36:18.900
And I don't know about you guys when you've had moments like that.
00:36:21.900
I mean, this isn't even me trying to like be machismo.
00:36:23.900
Cause I will freak out after the fact, but like, I don't know, maybe it's like from doing sports or shit like that.
00:36:28.900
Like whenever I'm in like a moment like that, I'm always just laser focused.
00:36:31.900
Like, all right, well, like, I guess if I die, I die.
00:36:34.900
Like right now I'm at hand and I got to deal with whatever's coming to me.
00:36:39.900
It means that your, your fight, fight or flight mechanism is actually properly attuned.
00:36:43.900
It's like a, it's like a soldier's fight or flight for some bitch ass men.
00:36:47.900
Like if they actually end up in that, they, they, they freeze or they panic or some shit.
00:36:50.900
But I had the same thing when I shattered my hand, when I went over the handlebars in central park in New York, I, I hit the ground.
00:36:57.900
I saw my hand was sideways and I sat up and I looked at my girlfriend and she's like, are you okay?
00:37:10.900
And I was like, and I go to autistic problem solving.
00:37:17.900
Please immediately call 911 ambulance immediately.
00:37:20.900
It's like your rational brain is like, well, what's the point of being a bitch right now?
00:37:23.900
Like I'm either going to die or I'm not like, I got to get through this.
00:37:31.900
The only other time was I was coming home from work on the interstate.
00:37:36.900
And there was a truck came behind me and was being an asshole, like tailgating me and trying to go like, you know, I was already going like 10 over the speed limit and he was right on my ass.
00:37:49.900
So I pulled up to the next person and it was only two lanes wide.
00:37:52.900
So I pulled up next to him and then slowed down to like 65 when it was in a 70, which made him very angry.
00:37:57.900
So he pulled all the way over to the, the shoulder, drove all like went 90 miles an hour to pass and then all the way over to my lane again, and then stomped on his brakes.
00:38:09.900
And so I, that was me, I had to stop on my brakes.
00:38:14.900
And in the middle of the interstate, I spun out and I was facing the wrong direction.
00:38:21.900
Like, and it was, I was facing, like, I could, it was the scary.
00:38:27.900
So I, but in my car, in my car, they turn off, obviously, whenever that happened.
00:38:31.900
So I had to turn it back on and then like drive and turn around in the fucking highway.
00:38:35.900
Dude, that was, dude, I'm never, I didn't do that to somebody for like a month.
00:38:44.900
I had another one that was a pretty close call where I was driving home from work and I was kind of speeding along this like straight stretch that was in this wooded area close to where my parents house is, which is where I was living at the time.
00:38:56.900
I swerved to avoid a squirrel that darted out in front of me and I lost control of my car completely like 180.
00:39:06.900
I wound up off the road on the right side of it completely spun around the other way.
00:39:12.900
Like it hit like the front driver's side, like real well.
00:39:27.900
I think I already told my story, so I'll just save you guys it.
00:39:36.900
Like I was a part of a big, I guess you call it a track explosion.
00:39:41.900
We were just like standing there and somebody, you ever seen a concrete saw?
00:39:50.900
We use that to cut rail, but it's like three times larger.
00:39:53.900
And somebody was cutting the third rail while it was live.
00:40:02.900
Don't touch the third rail until it's cooled down a little bit.
00:40:04.900
We all know that you don't need to go outside, you know?
00:40:07.900
They're supposed to test to make sure there's not 600 volts going through it.
00:40:13.900
And then he said the hair on his arm started to stand up.
00:40:18.900
And when he dropped it, it bridged the other rail.
00:40:26.900
And it was like, boom, like a fucking, I was like, Oh my God, I'm dead.
00:40:33.900
And, but just like light, light went by me and it was like the most dead.
00:40:38.900
And if I was closer, I probably would have died, but it was actually a train headed towards
00:40:49.900
He some, cause he, he like threw when he threw it, he gave him enough, give himself enough
00:40:53.900
time to like really like get like far enough away.
00:40:56.900
It's just, I guess the explosion seemed more intense cause you're in a tunnel too.
00:41:04.900
Like that dude should have superpowers now, you know?
00:41:07.900
Like if you, if you come that close to dying and you get blasted by some sort of electrical
00:41:12.900
explosion, like why the fuck don't you have electrical power?
00:41:18.900
We had a dude on the flight line, uh, back when I like was a mechanic plane airplane,
00:41:23.900
We had a dude who was there that I think he got hit by lightning, but like on the flight
00:41:26.900
line, like something like three times it was retarded.
00:41:28.900
And it's like, I mean, it was over a long period of time.
00:41:32.900
It was like a decade, but it's like just every time just like, well, I think he had weird
00:41:37.900
health issues, but it was like, it was just like my big toe hurts sometimes.
00:41:44.900
I have a headache every Saturday, but I mean, you are in a large flat.
00:41:48.900
My piss consistently comes out in the two streams.
00:41:52.900
I mean, that is one of the worst places to be in a lightning storm.
00:41:55.900
Like on a fucking, on a big old flight line with airplanes.
00:42:04.900
Like, uh, that, that it comes out in two streams?
00:42:11.900
The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the middle of your penis is stuck together.
00:42:19.900
I always thought it was, I always thought it was up the middle of your.
00:42:22.900
Where you're kind of like kind of sheathed itself.
00:42:25.900
And it's like, I don't know if maybe like, I don't know if maybe it's cause you're sweaty
00:42:28.900
or what, but then it kind of like sticks and you go to pee and it's kind of cocked
00:42:40.900
When you're, when it kind of turtle, when it turtles up, you know, and you're not,
00:42:45.900
you haven't like really pulled it out to kind of like.
00:42:50.900
It's all turtled up and then you go to pee, but it's kind of like at a weird cock eye.
00:42:56.900
My dick is so small that like the, the, whenever I get done pissing, it dribbles off my balls.
00:43:08.900
I pissed on my nut sack and I said, whose is this?
00:43:14.900
We call the dribbles because we saw his dick once and it was like small, but he had huge balls.
00:43:25.900
Uh, we have a, we have a friend of ours that, uh, they couldn't get their son's circumcised
00:43:36.900
Elizabeth saw like, uh, like went over to their house.
00:43:45.900
And they were like, and she was like, it is very small.
00:43:54.900
Like our two month baby had a bigger penis than this six month old.
00:44:00.900
And then she just goes, you know, I got to see it.
00:44:04.900
This is going to sound weird, but I need to see that baby's dick right away.
00:44:14.900
It's like the unspoken thing, but it's the, it's the baby with the micro penis.
00:44:22.900
So we probably ought to do one or two more of these.
00:44:29.900
We're like at this point, I mean, I don't, if you guys really object to it.
00:44:43.900
Keith asks, would you rather munch Hillary Clinton's pussy on Lindsey Graham's body or suck a
00:44:54.900
If you'd rather, would you rather munch, munch Hillary Clinton's pussy on Lindsey Graham's
00:45:04.900
Do you think they mean like Lindsey Graham's body, like almost like centaur type thing,
00:45:08.900
like two things conjoined where it's like Lindsey Graham's body and Hillary Clinton's
00:45:18.900
Hillary Clinton without hair or like, you know, with, and then there's this, uh, fucking
00:45:29.900
And the only, the only thing that can decide this is I'm not gay.
00:45:38.900
Andrew Tate clarified that that's a very flawed logic, but only if you're dealing with
00:45:46.900
You're comparing once, you know, a better question.
00:45:49.900
Uh, would you suck Lindsey Graham's penis on Lauren Boebert's body?
00:46:02.900
If I'm thinking, isn't Lauren Boebert the weird looking one?
00:46:13.900
But wait, this question is Hillary Clinton's pussy on Lindsey Graham's body or Lindsey Graham's
00:46:27.900
You would have to, because you have two completely unhot bodies here.
00:46:45.900
You'd rather, you'd rather fuck Hulk Hogan with a pussy.
00:46:55.900
It's just, I'm sorry, but Hulk Hogan bring that situation is less gay than fucking pussy.
00:47:06.900
Think about the leg muscles and like the butt muscles he has around his pussy that are
00:47:11.900
I think the funniest part to me was, uh, blow out that pussy brother.
00:47:16.900
Fucking Shane Gillis talks about the first time he watched tranny porn.
00:47:24.900
The first time Shane Gillis talked about, he said, I watched tranny porn once because,
00:47:28.900
uh, Madness Cusker got, really got into it for some reason.
00:47:32.900
But, and he said he couldn't get into it because he would see the clavicles and they
00:47:38.900
And he was like, that took me out of it immediately.
00:47:43.900
He was like, I could tell it was a man because he had the fucking bony, like, like nice developed
00:47:55.900
It's the musculature that really throws it off.
00:48:00.900
Cause there's no, like, no matter what happens, men, like women and men have just different
00:48:05.900
hands, no matter how fucking feminine you are of a, of a man or mainly or a woman.
00:48:09.900
Like they still, I knew a girl, girl gave me a hand job, big old manly hands.
00:48:12.900
It fucking, it was the most emasculating experience of my life.
00:48:17.900
Like she was just like holding like a, like a number.
00:48:19.900
But did also, I feel like it might be better because it was like, it's kind of like my
00:48:31.900
Like, like a construction dude, like just jerking me off.
00:48:35.900
And it's just like the feeling of like, you know, you ever shake a guy's hand and he's
00:48:38.900
got like a big muscle, like, like here by his thumb.
00:48:43.900
And that feel like the thought of that against my penis really, really makes me uncomfortable.
00:48:47.900
Now I had, but I disagree with your, your hypothesis though.
00:48:53.900
I have shook many, maybe it's cause I have big old leathery paws, but like I've shook
00:48:58.900
in many a man's hands where I'm like, like I really could like, wouldn't be able to differentiate
00:49:16.900
Anthony Samaroff's hand was very, it was like a bag of bones.
00:49:25.900
That's what his hands, his hands felt like, like, and, and Jack, uh, Lloyd, same thing.
00:49:29.900
Actually the philosopher had a firmer handshake than her husband.
00:49:34.900
I felt like I could like, I could grab him by his arm and just start to like King Kong
00:49:42.900
I've always like, that's probably one of the coolest like fantasies I've had in my head
00:49:47.900
is getting in a fight with, uh, someone that I can overpower to such an extent to where
00:49:56.900
I mean, I don't think you do one hand, but yeah, kid to be super easy.
00:50:05.900
Um, and it's because the dream I had that I got raped by, uh, the redheaded libertarian.
00:50:22.900
She tried to rape me in, uh, in my dream and it was very weird.
00:50:33.900
And then too, and she, she was like, how did this get here?
00:50:44.900
I like to imagine you just jumped in and it's like, what the fuck?
00:50:47.900
Every week when I tell her, don't come back here.
00:50:57.900
Oh, I like, I like how pre-show you're like, she tried to rape me.
00:51:21.900
Cause this isn't something that would ever really happen for a dude.
00:51:24.900
Like, I can't imagine if like, if an actual attractive woman like came on to me to that
00:51:34.900
Like, it's like, it's almost like, how do you even say no?
00:51:38.900
Like they start whipping their titties out and shit.
00:51:46.900
I had a girl that tried to rape me that I turned down.
00:51:51.900
Well, fucking that's how did she try to rape you?
00:51:56.900
She was like hitting me and biting me and shit.
00:51:59.900
You know, she thought it was like, like foreplay or something.
00:52:08.900
And I was like, and I grabbed her by her hands.
00:52:12.900
And I was like, look, we're not playing around.
00:52:14.900
Like, I'm going to kick you out of my house right now.
00:52:21.900
And she was like, she was like, I was going to fuck you.
00:52:30.900
I was like, like, this is a rape charge waiting to happen.
00:52:32.900
I'm in this fucking mansion on the water in Carlsbad.
00:52:40.900
And I'm pretty sure I did cum, which is very weird.
00:52:56.900
Because I don't think I've ever cum in my dream.
00:53:06.900
If you cum in your dreams, you cum in real life.
00:53:10.900
When they wake up and there's like a little spot and it wakes you up, you're like, fuck!
00:53:18.900
And then what happened after that is to mark her territory-
00:53:26.900
She's just riffing hard to avoid the bracket, but go on.
00:53:30.900
To mark her territory, there was a pile of clothes besides our, like, front door that she pissed on and then put my cum on.
00:53:37.900
And then somehow, I was just like, I can't let Elizabeth see this because she'll know that I got raped.
00:54:03.900
It was also, like, in the streams where you can't, like, punch, like, or anything.
00:54:11.900
Josie, he thought about punching you in his dreams.
00:54:22.900
I mean, kind of, because she also seemed even, like, skinnier and, like, whiter.
00:54:41.900
And then she, like, walked over in the corner of the room like a demon and just-
00:54:54.900
I thought Josie was crazy, but this is the coolest shit she's ever, like-
00:55:12.900
They come to men in their dreams, they rape them, and then they take their children off
00:55:23.900
I woke up and I was like, I can't talk about this.
00:55:28.900
I imagine a monster transformation where she gets more gone.
00:55:34.900
If you made her, like, almost holocaust skinny and kind of more elongated-
00:55:36.900
Did her hair float around like it was in water?
00:55:41.900
When she spoke to him, she just like opened her mouth and it was like-
00:55:54.900
Listen, okay, I don't want to freak you out, but I have heard stories of people having
00:55:58.900
dreams like this, but they're like having sexual relations with a demon.
00:56:20.900
Like, in this dream, Cole, you know, he's drunk.
00:56:23.900
There's another woman involved and there's piss involved.
00:56:31.900
Oh my god, I didn't think about the ginger aspect.
00:56:40.900
Dude, in like 10 years, your little demon baby is going to come to your dream.
00:56:47.900
Why did you shoot me onto those clothes, daddy?
00:56:52.900
So Josie is actually, yeah, Cole's child's mother?
00:57:03.900
Like I said, I woke up and I was like, I can't talk about this.
00:57:12.900
By the way, he got raped in my dreams by a demon.
00:57:14.900
Jose Top, would you tell your wives if you had a dream about getting raped?
00:57:20.900
I mean, I wouldn't be scared of telling her, but I just wouldn't care to tell her.
00:57:26.900
I'm not a woman, so I don't think anything of this.
00:57:30.900
If they have a dream about you, they wake up and they're like, you fucking bastard.
00:57:45.900
Now all I'm going to say, what did she say about Elizabeth specifically?
00:57:52.900
And she was like, she's going to know I was here.
00:57:55.900
I love how you're trying to get into all the vivid details of a dream.
00:58:14.900
The Josie demon comes into his dream and he was like, I'm going to rape you.
00:58:30.900
He says he does have an actual, like, he has sleep paralysis.
00:58:38.900
My roommate in college did have sleep paralysis, which is very weird.
00:58:58.900
I had a, I had a, I think I, I thought it was a nightmare.
00:59:01.900
Cause I had a, a sex dream with one of my best friends, a guy.
00:59:06.900
I woke up and like for weeks I was like, am I gay?
00:59:24.900
Dick was inside the other man, the other dude's ass.
00:59:27.900
Well, we were having a sleepover and I did wake up.
00:59:33.900
Let's, uh, let's do these two bracket matchups.
00:59:40.900
Unironically plugs would be a good time right now.
00:59:54.900
And I just said, I'm Carol Roth, former investment banker.
01:00:03.900
And by the way, my channel will have a strike drop off of it on YouTube on April 7th.
01:00:08.900
I will be able to publish on YouTube once again, but keep growing on rumble folks.
01:00:22.900
Uh, so far as like recent episodes or upcoming stuff, I don't really have anything big.
01:00:30.900
Uh, you don't have to watch the whole series for that episode.
01:00:39.840
It was supposed to be Sunday, but Dave is a beautiful retard that fucking fucked up and double scheduled.
01:00:45.780
So I will be on Tuesday, this upcoming Tuesday.
01:00:51.160
To talk about the Oklahoma City bombing to yours truly, Dave Smith, of part of the problem.
01:01:08.620
He's like, there was a bombing in Oklahoma City in the 90s?
01:01:14.020
I forgot to mention, I'll be in Washington State this weekend.
01:01:17.540
So if anybody's in Washington State, don't come out to see me speak at the LP Washington.
01:01:21.940
You're dead to me and you're not allowed to watch the show anymore.
01:01:40.640
I spent hours and hours working on this new thing.
01:01:48.300
The new PodcastMerch or MerchEngine.com, whatever.
01:01:54.980
There's another guy that's doing website design and stuff, but yeah, we're really working on
01:02:26.200
We just, we actually did a tower this week, and it was actually one of the coolest towers
01:02:32.600
It was on Brianna Wu, which I would love to actually figure out what was actually happening
01:02:38.380
because with Linus Tech Tips, apparently there was, someone said the N-word, and I think
01:02:43.580
that was really funny, but just go follow me there, and also Fat Comic Dave, and Tower
01:02:52.040
I know I start off the tower, but it was because he had a typo on it.
01:02:54.840
That was his brainchild, and it was goddamn brilliant.
01:02:57.800
You get the N-word and the R-word in the same...
01:03:03.560
For pussies out there, you know, for those who actually want to use it.
01:03:07.040
It was the first time I found out that those two words have the same amount of letters.
01:03:21.200
Brianna Wu, she's, I don't know, some insane person.
01:03:25.160
Let's have that discussion after the plugs, but what plugs we got?
01:03:29.200
Tower Game Toad, follow Tower Game Pod everywhere.
01:03:32.580
Sign up for the Patreon, patreon.com slash Tower Game Pod.
01:03:35.780
We're Tower Game Pod on YouTube, on Rumble, and...
01:03:40.600
I think we're still Tower Power Hour and Odyssey, but fuck Odyssey.
01:04:10.180
Throw it to the audience, by the way, about the bracket.
01:04:12.480
We have two decisions to make now at this point.
01:05:07.720
I'm going to go with Christchurch for that one.
01:05:13.100
Then, why didn't you look for it in the last round,
01:05:19.180
This is a real barn burner we got going on here.
01:05:28.020
Christchurch is, like, a through and through, like...
01:05:37.240
I mean, now we're talking Sandy Hook versus Vegas.
01:05:46.700
I'd just rather we wouldn't have done it at all
01:06:11.220
So, Top's artwork on this is awesome, by the way.
01:06:16.980
because I wanted to do something that was, like,
01:06:18.480
an offensive, you know, tournament of some kind
01:06:35.700
My original idea was to do the hotness of murder victims.
01:06:42.600
These guys, like, sucking the fun out of everything.
01:07:14.100
How dare you be thinking about that red-headed tart
01:07:22.880
Women will take everything, including your dreams.
01:07:35.200
Yeah, she's the rapist homewrecker libertarian.
01:07:58.700
Dude, this is going to be wild if Cole's wife kills him
01:08:05.200
I'm going to tell you guys, I don't think he's coming back.
01:08:12.180
Of all the things he said, this is the one that finally did it.
01:08:16.220
Basically, everything he says is so embarrassing and retarded,
01:08:22.560
I'm actually concerned, Liz, if you can still hear this broadcast.
01:08:38.300
Yeah, Cole's being raped by a man who's pretending to be a woman.
01:08:43.560
I mean, he was very clear that he did come, but he didn't enjoy it.
01:09:09.900
That'd be awesome if she just shot it into his mouth.
01:09:13.240
We do need Cole a lot back here because he was...
01:09:18.240
Cole is the crusty, happy trail of the show, as I was saying earlier.
01:09:27.020
The other things that I had on the list here were Scotty Pippen's wife...
01:09:37.140
There's this awkwardness where it's like, well, fuck, he's gone, so what do we do?
01:09:45.280
It's in your head that we can't riff without Cole.
01:09:49.800
You're going to have to get used to the dynamic from last week because that might be what we got going forward.
01:09:58.920
No, it's definitely not the N-word because Liz says that more than Cole does.
01:10:02.900
I hope she pops up on cam and she's just holding his skull in her hand.
01:10:20.680
I love her to the extent that I jerked off while they were fucking with another woman.
01:10:29.220
So this bitch's name is Larsa Pippen, which is a strange name.
01:10:33.140
But she says that she had sex four times a night for 23 years straight while married to Scotty Pippen.
01:10:43.480
So she says she had sex with multiple people, right?
01:11:07.120
Like, if I was a professional athlete, all I did was work out and play fucking ball.
01:11:12.560
I wouldn't be fucking the same chick if I was a professional athlete.
01:11:17.120
Like, if I was married and I was a professional athlete,
01:11:18.900
it would look like, you know what I'm doing, right?
01:11:24.880
You actually just, you flipped the way my mind was thinking about this.
01:11:28.600
I was thinking that he was forcing her to have sex four times a night.
01:11:32.440
But it could be that she was forcing him to prove that he's not fucking any other bitches.
01:11:41.660
Like, I don't think dudes normally do this kind of shit.
01:11:43.860
I feel like there are women that, like, will, I don't know if it's some crazy fucking mind
01:11:50.120
There are, you, the few times you see, like, crazy sex addicts like this or whatever this
01:11:54.680
is, maybe not even addicts, some weird mind game.
01:12:00.260
I think that's a, that's a distinct possibility.
01:12:02.380
I mean, this chick's like, I ain't looking, but I, particularly for being in her forties,
01:12:12.000
Do you think that when she was fucking Scotty, because of the way that he looks, do you think
01:12:20.140
Dickie, Dickie says, Scotty could have been number one on the bulls if his legs weren't
01:12:26.340
I was like, I was like, is this why he, he couldn't make a shot?
01:12:46.540
I think, I do think that she did it, that she was forcing him to have sex, which is like,
01:12:53.260
Cause he, he can have his, she looks like she could suck a duck.
01:13:08.140
That is a sign of a brother who made it a hot white chick.
01:13:12.980
Every minute that passes without Cole, I'm more concerned.
01:13:16.320
I'm a little, it freaks me out that this, like, well, I know people can't see this, but this
01:13:41.380
Not only was it only a dream, but he was the victim in it.
01:13:53.020
So go ahead and pull down this Larsa Piven shit.
01:13:56.800
So when I was 19, I had this girlfriend and I had this ex-girlfriend and I went and I cheated
01:14:03.780
on my current girlfriend with my ex-girlfriend and I felt really bad about it.
01:14:06.840
And I came home and I was super drunk and I told my current girlfriend what I had done
01:14:09.680
and I was very apologetic and I was crying and she immediately started blowing me and she
01:14:15.460
like asserted, she like reasserted her dominance and I hadn't even showered.
01:14:20.060
And she was like, I'm going to make sure that you're still mine.
01:14:23.120
And it was the most fucked up romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
01:14:29.200
While you still had the other chick's pussy stank on your dick.
01:14:44.640
Oh, she slept with one of my best friends and then.
01:14:52.860
Then I hunted him for months and now we're like good friends again.
01:15:07.640
And then I hunted him for months and he was just like on the run.
01:15:11.400
His mom was like, I have to get up food and shit.
01:15:13.660
You didn't expect him to be at his mom's house?
01:15:17.120
I was going to break into his mom's fucking home.
01:15:19.400
I'm not a, I'm just, I'm a lunatic, not an asshole.
01:15:34.000
I had been dating her for five years and he was like my best friend.
01:15:37.640
So, and then, and, and the worst part was I had found out that she had cheated on me with him in the first year I was with her.
01:15:43.360
So I had found out that I had been with this cheating ass slut for fucking four years for no fucking reason.
01:15:48.700
And I was like, I think that made me more mad than anything.
01:15:51.000
I was like, if you would just been fucking man enough to tell me, I could have been like moving on with my life.
01:15:55.600
And I literally just fucking her just one time.
01:15:59.460
I thought you were like, I thought you were on the reg.
01:16:01.020
Like if it was on the reg, yeah, I'm hunting you down.
01:16:03.320
Like if it was just like one time, I don't know.
01:16:10.060
His, his fiancee at the time, uh, found out and then they broke up and then she told me.
01:16:16.420
Cause she was trying, she was trying to ruin his life cause she was hurt because he was a scumbag to her or something.
01:16:27.520
Oh, and then, and then, uh, a few months later I had a threesome with, uh, the girl, my girlfriend and his ex-fiance.
01:16:44.320
Dude, the, uh, the chick that, uh, that I, uh, fucking, um.
01:16:53.000
That, the story I told you about with the, I didn't really give you the whole story.
01:16:56.180
I said a similar thing where I had a buddy and we weren't like super close.
01:16:59.480
So I guess maybe that's why I didn't hunt him like you did and did like a day and then
01:17:03.100
gave up cause he fucking ran away like a bitch.
01:17:05.340
But, uh, the chick, I ended up fucking your sister after.
01:17:13.200
I'm going to bang your, cause her sister always kind of had a thing for me anyways.
01:17:16.500
And like, I didn't, it was one of those things where I didn't even find out shit a thing
01:17:20.700
And then it was like this weird jealousy thing between them.
01:17:24.600
But then once she fucked me, I'm like, Hey, I'm fucking your sister.
01:17:30.320
Like everyone was just vengeance fucking everyone afterwards.
01:17:33.540
Like his ex fiance and my ex that I despised were just all like, we're all going to have
01:17:38.880
sex to punish this dude who's like, has no idea what's happening.
01:17:43.920
I mean, I couldn't beat the shit of that one guy.
01:17:46.800
That'll, that's all make me feel better about it.
01:17:55.080
I'm pretty sure JC's gay and he's saying that he's, he, he dreams about you.
01:18:06.160
This is the person that always says, oh my God, hi.
01:18:20.320
I really, I really wish you guys would stop worrying so much.
01:18:26.720
Maybe it's because I'm married and I've been married for a long time.
01:18:31.160
He's going to, he's going to come back on the show and she's going to be behind him,
01:18:41.400
There's a, there's a distinct possibility that she makes him quit the show.
01:18:44.260
And honestly, he should divorce her if he, if she even tries.
01:18:50.460
Alyssa, this really is the calm before the storm.
01:19:05.360
Alyssa, this really is the calm before the storm.
01:19:22.380
Alyssa, this really is the calm before the storm.
01:19:34.380
She attuned that she was four times vaxxed, by the way.
01:19:41.640
Boy, it has this, so this has happened a bunch of times then, right?
01:19:44.420
And, and this is just the, like the last of it.
01:19:50.720
It's not even like I want to see the vaccinated diet, but I do want to see like the third and
01:19:57.420
I think her not again comment was unrelated to that.
01:20:12.500
Must've gotten that next booster every time, man.
01:20:22.180
I was like, that's crazy that like they keep letting her on TV.
01:20:29.100
I remember like in Deuce Bigelow, he's getting narcoleptic checks.
01:20:32.480
This is the perfect parallel to Cole's situation right now.
01:20:36.300
Like if he comes back, have you guys seen the video about YouTube blogger?
01:20:39.440
He did a big apology video with his wife crying in the background.
01:20:41.500
And there's a followup because he caught with AI porn of his female friends.
01:20:49.380
Cole is definitely more innocent because it was like involuntary.
01:20:57.960
Look, if you can't dream about fucking other women or dream about being raped by other women,
01:21:08.560
That's why women inherently cannot be libertarian.
01:21:12.120
I think this is why you can only date women who are base as fuck.
01:21:16.500
Because if you're dating a woman who's like literally going to be mad at you,
01:21:19.540
like really actually mad at you for a dream, you got to kill her, dude.
01:21:32.960
Guys, by the way, Lizzie, when you rewatch this, these are all jokes.
01:21:48.660
If in your brain you only view seasoning as things like garlic powder, onion powder,
01:21:57.160
If this is what you view as seasoning and seasoning only, let me pose you a question.
01:22:15.120
I sauteed those bell peppers along with my onion and garlic.
01:22:20.400
What is so funny to me is if I had just doused my chicken in this rub, in this rub alone,
01:22:25.080
the seasoning police would be out of my comments.
01:22:28.260
But the second it's fresh garlic or fresh onion or fresh bell pepper, it's automatically
01:22:35.240
If you're one of those people that loves to watch cooking competitions and a judge says
01:22:38.940
something is under-seasoned, they're talking about salt.
01:22:41.560
Under-seasoning your food means there's not enough salt in there.
01:22:45.220
Salt is going to bring out the flavor of onion, the flavor of garlic, the flavor of whatever
01:22:51.560
And let me just say that if your food tastes a little off, it's not because you need to
01:22:56.160
It's most of the time because you need to add more salt or some sort of acid like lemon
01:23:05.120
Because I feel like we're supposed to argue after this.
01:23:11.360
If you're talking about like rubs on different meats or whatever.
01:23:13.960
Now, if you're just like cooking some chocolate or some shit.
01:23:16.880
Guys, everyone take notes of whose wife or family cooks bland food from this argument.
01:23:31.380
I think it really depends on the context that you're talking about.
01:23:34.040
I don't even understand why this is controversial.
01:23:43.660
No, like I honestly don't understand what the controversy is.
01:23:46.460
Like everyone keeps showing this freeze frame of her saying like this and saying that she's
01:23:52.180
It's because she was fighting a bunch of black people.
01:23:55.880
Yeah, she dunked on the black people because black people probably, I guess, I don't know,
01:24:00.280
marinate their chicken a dish soap or some shit.
01:24:04.160
Little Dicky, pull up the video of the black people preparing their chicken because this
01:24:10.460
You got to run that because I don't understand the backstory.
01:24:12.180
She is also wrong because I'm a wigger, but I don't understand black people.
01:24:18.660
She's only like half right because if you just cook chicken with just bell pepper and
01:24:31.620
She's saying salt and pepper are the good of the garlic.
01:24:33.340
She's saying she's been getting a lot of flack from, you know, certain darker individuals
01:24:37.900
that, you know, she didn't fucking put enough seasoning.
01:24:42.340
Here's the real, here's the real secret of black cuisine.
01:24:46.000
They put a lot of butter on top of everything she just described.
01:24:57.260
It is a common racist trope that they, which is what makes it cool, that they, uh, they
01:25:06.780
That's why, uh, little Dickie's pulling up, uh, this said video right now.
01:25:11.640
Actually, I'll let you guys again on a little inside.
01:25:17.580
This is, I have firsthand experience, which is really funny.
01:25:19.840
And my, I know my mom's watching and my wife isn't.
01:25:23.480
My parents are living in my house because they're building a house on my property.
01:25:30.780
And let's say tensions are getting a little high because you have your wife with your
01:26:01.460
Now, if you're throwing in the oven, I will say this is probably superior.
01:26:06.680
Like, I don't, I don't know how you would do it in an oven.
01:26:25.240
I mean, it's probably not the worst idea, but it's still like.
01:26:37.520
So long as you don't undercook it, it will kill off whatever the fuck is there.
01:26:40.140
That's why you don't need to put dish soap on your chicken.
01:26:45.500
It's good to add redundancies and operations in case you don't want it along the way.
01:26:50.740
You're going to cook dish soap and fucking put it in your butt.
01:26:52.900
This is where I depart from Jose's line of thinking here.
01:26:57.980
No, I think it's weird to do, but it's like I can understand the logic of, like, I'm adding in multiple redundancies.
01:27:03.840
Wait, let me backtrack to this because I know this is going to make my mom mad.
01:27:11.960
And I've been noticing, and it seems like an internal struggle, like a quiet struggle.
01:27:17.220
But I think that my mom thinks that my wife cooks too white.
01:27:33.600
If you don't put no dish up on your chicken when you're cleaning it, then what are you doing?
01:27:40.140
There's no way black people are actually doing this.
01:27:53.220
This is one of the things black people do that like they're like, yo, nobody else knows about
01:28:09.320
It's so honest, glancing down, seeing Cole's little icon on the bottom of her screen.
01:28:15.420
Dude, this dish something is what's going to lead to the return of slavery in America.
01:28:24.920
Hey, for their own protection, we kind of got it.
01:28:29.920
Look, I had no idea black people were doing that.
01:28:40.660
I think honestly that they, they probably like this explains the IQ gap.
01:28:49.280
Is this what they mean by black and chicken when I order it?
01:29:01.360
All these people are out of their goddamn mind.
01:29:12.820
Like, at least soap you can justify to rinse off.
01:29:19.720
I use the name brand Clorox because the other ones don't taste right.
01:29:34.740
This is why, this is why black people jump so high.
01:29:37.360
You gotta, you gotta wash the chicken before you eat it, man.
01:29:45.860
You're looking at a bunch of different black hands washed chicken.
01:29:52.700
Am I the only one that's like totally mystified?
01:30:05.720
When they be, like, they'll, they'll see, they'll season their chicken in the, in the sink.
01:30:10.080
That's why I believe that they actually do wash it.
01:30:13.420
They'll do it all the time and they'll just be throwing all kinds of.
01:30:17.660
Dude, I can't, I can't do, I cannot do that in the sink.
01:30:30.420
What if the black community has gotten together to troll us?
01:30:46.860
Them white devils be telling us it's fine and shit.
01:30:49.760
This is one of the most infuriating experiences of my life.
01:30:54.500
Wouldn't you be using a, like bath soap instead of dish soap?
01:31:02.160
Cause bath soap would be like not as hard on it.
01:31:05.600
And like, uh, whereas dish soap is going to be way harder to rinse off.
01:31:11.720
Before the, before your baby goes to bed, you put them in the bath and you give them a little
01:31:17.000
And then you take them out and eat them and then you eat your children.
01:31:20.940
I'm just saying like, it would seem like they would want to give it a bath before they do
01:31:29.020
It's I need, I need every, everybody in the comments.
01:31:32.300
I need you to tell me if this is a thing for real.
01:31:34.820
And if there's any white people that do the same shit, I want you to, I want you to admit it.
01:31:41.980
If you're a black dude that's here and you do this, we will bring you on the show and
01:31:48.320
The Reddit post, a little dicky, you said, I've got this one.
01:31:53.060
I was cooking last night, making some chicken breasts.
01:31:59.640
I moved some trays around and I accidentally dropped a chicken breast on the floor, but it
01:32:06.080
This morning, my penis seems like it is inflamed and the pee hole hurts if I touch it.
01:32:27.020
He had to, like, some do with pumping or some bullshit and he had to go help with the
01:32:31.100
I also think there's this wrong chance he's lying and is like, don't tell them because they've
01:32:41.720
Now she's too embarrassed to admit she overreacted.
01:32:50.220
She's just been dragging him out in the woods somewhere.
01:32:51.960
Assuming she's being crazy if we're taking that line of thinking.
01:32:56.080
I think if we hadn't ragged on her and we're bullies there for a little bit.
01:33:02.400
Like, if we had just been like, oh my God, Cole's gone and then just never addressed it.
01:33:06.520
And she would have been like, you're going to fucking, you're going to tell those guys.
01:33:13.200
This is the one thing that made us like we went too far.
01:33:17.280
Like, just bring it back a little bit with the jokes.
01:33:25.420
I mean, I've never seen a black dude do it in the wild.
01:33:29.960
Look, I've never been in a black person's house.
01:33:43.220
I'm not saying it's smart or something you should do.
01:33:47.060
It's like if you had five redundancies in the system, it's like, okay, you're overdoing
01:33:53.340
Washing your chicken is one of them because you are going to cook it.
01:33:55.660
It's also like you're not getting it for grimy sources.
01:33:57.840
You already have enough redundancies in the system to keep yourself from receiving salmonella.
01:34:11.200
I mean, you are supposed to rinse it, though, to get kind of like the juice.
01:34:15.280
If there's like excess blood, if it's in the package, I'll rinse it off.
01:34:19.380
But then what I do, if you want to have some good flavor and tenderness, you got to marinate
01:34:27.440
I don't know what the fuck these black people are doing.
01:34:29.060
It's good to rinse it and dry it off, depending on what you're doing with it, too, because
01:34:34.180
It kind of throws off how you're going to cook it, like if it's kind of extra wet or whatever,
01:34:42.240
I like this chick, but I don't know what her issue is with rosemary.
01:34:46.640
So you cook that chicken, throw salt, pepper, rosemary, maybe some like red pepper flakes
01:34:51.240
The issue with rosemary is that you can manually do rosemary.
01:34:57.280
So that's what she's saying as opposed to a sprinkle thing.
01:35:01.760
I'm fine with either way with rosemary, really.
01:35:09.080
You're going to a fucking store and you're buying poor people food.
01:35:13.600
If I did, I'd throw it away because I'm not fucking poor.
01:35:17.420
Stop being poor so you don't have to put soap on your fucking chicken, you poor bitch.
01:35:22.020
I was trying to think of like one of those expensive places that people go, like the
01:35:27.740
You have your normal Publix, you know, Winn-Dixie, but then you have like, what is it?
01:35:39.980
That's what I was trying to think of, like Whole Foods.
01:35:41.980
That's the only place Clint, because I actually agree with Junkie Jeff, depending.
01:35:45.700
It's not always, but there's a lot of times you get chicken in.
01:35:48.480
It's not a strong stink, but like you're like, I don't know, whatever.
01:35:51.600
I don't really want that flavor mixing in or that extra like, you know, chicken juice
01:35:56.400
So I'm going to rinse it off, put the excess off, and throw it in the skillet.
01:35:59.920
This theory, this is the correct theory, actually.
01:36:03.380
Blacks wash their chicken in dish soap because they're so poor that they only buy like the
01:36:15.060
I always watch, or I always just stick to the show and I don't watch the comments.
01:36:19.120
I flipped over to the comments and now I can't focus on the show at all because our
01:36:23.260
I totally understand why we love the community.
01:36:32.480
We should probably start trying to bring them up more, but I don't trust Little Dicky's
01:36:38.600
Look, at Tower Gang, we all, we watch out for each other and the gang as well.
01:36:48.240
It's a weird way to wrap it up with a moral of the end of the story.
01:37:00.500
I'm so offended that there's fucking idiots out there that are soaping down their chicken.
01:37:05.440
You know how much of that soapy chicken you probably ate?
01:37:13.840
When you do a Saw Adams-Clint Russell face matchup, they would work well.
01:37:19.580
Look, when I say blacks, I envision myself as Gilbert Gottfried.
01:37:27.320
I actually feel like he'd be probably pretty funny if we brought him up.
01:37:35.500
Every black guest we have, we'd just be like, yeah, yeah.
01:37:46.180
I mean, the odds of us ever having another black guest are nil.
01:37:52.120
Let's get Patriot J back on, ask him that, and then kick him out of the show.
01:37:56.400
Dude, if Patriot J washes his chicken with soap, fuck, dude.
01:38:01.820
Patriot J and Olivia Ronda, they're the type of...
01:38:04.980
Yeah, the type of black people to wash their chicken for real.
01:38:14.660
He probably has some, like, intricate explanation for it.
01:38:28.700
You just thought of a great insult the next time it talks about the wash, didn't you?
01:38:55.440
We need to send all the chicken washers back to Africa.
01:38:59.060
Our comment section is literally just listing all of the black libertarians.
01:39:04.540
There's no way in hell Thomas the whole fucking wash the chicken.
01:39:12.460
And I bet you he looks down with such derision on every black he does.
01:39:22.360
All the black libertarians would debate if they would wash their chicken.
01:39:29.980
If we have Oathem Jesus on, we've got to have a list.
01:39:34.540
It won't be a tournament, but we have to decide.
01:39:39.400
I'm down to do that with Hotep, but I don't want to do a bracket.
01:39:48.260
See, you guys like these games, but you don't like the format of a bracket.
01:39:58.260
Thomas Sowell is the only libertarian-adjacent black who is not a chicken washer.
01:40:02.640
Thomas Sowell would come up with theory that would justify being racist against people
01:40:20.740
It's probably like black people would be like, yo, I'm so black.
01:40:23.560
Like, you know, they'll say, like, some, like, shit that's, like, not even a stereotype, but
01:40:31.100
I swear to God, I bet you they say that and you don't know about it.
01:40:35.720
You ever see that Keem Peel skit where they're, like, at some, like, you know, southern restaurant?
01:40:40.100
These are, like, kind of, like, almost, like, white black dudes, if you know.
01:40:43.080
Like, they're, like, in suits, like, clearly, like, and they're kind of trying to prove
01:40:47.020
And they can keep outdoing each other and be like, you know what?
01:40:49.720
I'll get the chitlins and be like, you know, never mind, cancel that order.
01:41:01.140
And they'd be like, oh, he's about to have a Dawn washed.
01:41:09.700
We can take all the black libertarians and, like, figure out which one meets the most black
01:41:16.960
I take your Dawn washed chicken and raise you some money.
01:41:32.420
Jesse Lee Peterson, even though he's, like, very racist against black, he 100% still washes
01:41:41.600
Like, it goes back to the slaves that we don't know about.
01:41:43.920
You know, I bet it's because they were getting the scraps off the table, so they had to
01:41:49.080
I bet you he'll make the argument that it's, like, the shitty...
01:41:54.560
I bet you Jesse Lee Peterson would find a way to twist it that it's, like, the shitty
01:42:00.960
I guarantee you he would do some shit like that.
01:42:02.980
It's probably, like, the one part of his blackness that he holds on to and won't, like, apologize
01:42:09.720
The crazy thing is, he probably has no idea how stupid it is, too, because he's just been
01:42:27.080
What if that's the main reason they hate white people?
01:42:33.180
You know, look at these cavemen eating the unwashed chickens.
01:42:48.060
What if chicken washing is cultural appropriation?
01:42:50.780
Because what happened was the slaves were slaughtering the chickens, and the white people were
01:42:56.460
like, we got to wash this chicken that's been, you know, handled by the...
01:43:00.160
These black slaves, we got to wash this chicken, and then they want it to be more like the
01:43:15.120
There's a black person catering company that just like, like, they'd be like, we make so
01:43:18.700
much chicken, we just put it in the washing machine at this point.
01:43:21.620
The hand washing, it was close enough to a nickel and a dime.
01:43:24.580
I guarantee you, Jesse Pearson's argument for why you should wash your shit is probably
01:43:33.320
Like, that's the problem with all these young boys these days.
01:43:39.980
We just created the greatest slur of 2023 right now.
01:44:05.000
I can fucking riff off this for 25 more minutes.
01:44:14.540
Look, Malcolm X, his name is just a few letters off from me.
01:44:17.900
I'm going to come clean with the audience, and I'm not sure if this is related.
01:44:21.220
But I did take an edible, like, right before we started.
01:44:39.960
I think there's a correlation between what's going on now and what I did, and that's a dangerous
01:44:45.480
Because, like, I'm not going to do this all the time.
01:44:54.740
If you eat chicken that you've washed in dish soap and you get retarded from it, is that
01:45:07.900
I'm trying to think of a name that works with Clorox, but I can't figure it out.
01:45:10.900
What's the time frame that the first white person gets killed for calling a black person
01:45:16.780
And everyone's just like, well, he did call him a chicken washer.
01:45:21.400
The next time Toad is on public transportation, there's going to be a black dude who heard
01:45:24.960
about this, and they're going to hunt Toad's ass down.
01:45:34.860
I feel like the chicken washer thing is like...
01:46:30.620
This is the greatest thing that's ever happened.
01:46:36.040
Cole has like two pieces of wood between his legs, and he's tied to the bed.
01:47:11.240
This is the greatest thing that's ever happened.
01:47:39.220
If your boss is black, just call him a chicken washer.
01:47:52.280
And then on Saturday, I'll be speaking at LP Colorado.