Ep 124 - That Pussy Spittin'
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 46 minutes
Words per Minute
194.57854
Hate Speech Sentences
329
Summary
In honor of our 100th episode, we salute the flag and sing the National Anthem at a baseball game. Also, we talk about the MLB s new policy regarding the gay and transgenders section of the locker room.
Transcript
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What's up retards. I'm trying to start a cult here, baby, so I can only fit a third of my dick into Toad's
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You want to kill me or you want to give me a boner? I don't know.
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Any of you guys ever had the mythical where they put the whole thing in and then do that shit where they go,
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She was a 10 in real life. She's like a dead 8.
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It's not what this show is about. This shit is retarded.
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It's Wednesday, May 24th, and you know what that means.
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It's time for another Motherfucker Gang, bitch!
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This is Clint Russell, host of Liberty Lockdown.
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We got Toplopsta, the proprietor of Toplopsta.com.
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And in honor of our very special evening, our 100th episode, I have no idea how many episodes we've done.
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I think we should start this off with the National Anthem.
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We don't demonstrate our patriotic side very often, so let's go ahead.
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We do this once a week, and we've done this 124 times.
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Yeah, everybody knows episode 124 is customary to salute the flag.
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Yeah, please, silence for the National Anthem. Thank you.
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You gotta wait for the music to sound, you retard.
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It's like you guys weren't even in the military.
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We need sounds. We need sounds. We need sounds.
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Alright, just play it now. I've lost all of interest.
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america fuck yeah oh man no military bearing there i didn't realize uh gary busey's son had
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downs yeah if he recorded that and played it backward in a spooky house it would sound the
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same exact way i just want to say it's been a dream of mine to uh sing the national anthem at a uh at a
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baseball game and i'm just glad i was finally able to realize that uh that's not like fucking
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ghosts like if you heard if you didn't you heard that like in your house you'd be like
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this motherfucker haunted the best part about this is i didn't realize so i sent it um
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to the group because i thought it was hilarious yeah i thought it was hilarious and i didn't
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realize until i went back to it this was posted by the actual baseball team this i thought when i
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first saw i thought it was a meme page that just posted it as like it's just funny scene it's
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hilarious i thought it was one of our five patreon supporters i'm stunned that it was
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i just saw it like so all the little like amazing things that was put on by the teams like so they
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actually like filmed this put it on their own social media and it was like yeah it's so smart
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it's so smart because you know that shit's gonna go viral but it's like you're not laughing at him
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you're just using the fact that it's funny as you know that baseball teams like their esg section was
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like we have to be more inclusive so they added they were like to who they're like you know the
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fucking retards and so they're like oh this is great this is we made trains with those reasons
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that's actually really smart because everyone is so everybody it's so polarized with every other
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fucking categorization of people but not with the tards we all love that this is literally
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this is how you bend esg to your will instead of like going to the gays and trannies and fags and
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all them just go down everybody loves downs people no one gonna get upset you target put
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out like a bunch of downs clothes instead do like uh i'm around to be down i'm down for downs
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you attract the audience of people like us they're like
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and then you attract the other audience of like oh my god look at them bless their heart
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it's perfect and you're getting your esg score the same and your esg score has to go up i mean
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like you guys sent that to me but then my grandma could also send it to me and be like how inspiring
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is this yes exactly perfect messaging honestly i what the the great thing too is uh target we've
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already we're starting a roster of uh downs people that we're going to get to a live audience
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this is the whole reason we have the downs cooks we have the downs trans uh dancers and now we have
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uh uh the music uh the national anthem for start to show off yeah we need to tell the audience about
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the love connection we made uh it's only me and top or top and clint they would know about it uh
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because you guys weren't there no no cole would know and they would well cole would know but he
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wasn't there uh on uh saturday so but like we're talking about do you remember the wheelchair guy
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oh i heard yeah i heard it the buff wheelchair guy yeah yeah yeah yeah oh you remember the hot
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chick the random hot chick that showed up too just the one hot chick and you're like what the fuck
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like what where'd she come from not robbie no one just like they showed up at which
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like and she's like just really pretty and just a good like a good and just ran it by herself that
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was the weirdest part she's just by herself like a year and a half ago i i don't remember that so
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yeah yeah it was like a year and a half ago and that uh that video still getting kind of come out
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swear to god it's just uh it's on the eddie cutting room floor no you know what that'll be
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it's like a that's like a uh a time capsule to our origin story that we can release it on like
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our 10th anniversary it'd be great yeah that's cool but anyways uh we caught them together uh those
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and it seemed i mean they both were like oh it's none of them but like let's be real we got the vibes
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like yeah we caught and it made me think it was like interracial couple dating you know they're
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like ashamed of it but it was weird i saw that i'm just like my first thought is like because he's a
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cripple and he's a great guy but i'm like what is this hot chick want with him and then i started
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thinking about it and then i realized i think that he's kind of hot dudes in wheelchairs it's the same
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effect as chicks with tattoos if you're an ugly chick and you get a tattoo you're uglier if you're a hot
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chick and you get tattoos it'll make you hotter or about the same now when it comes to wheelchairs
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i think the same thing applies to dudes if you're an ugly dude you're like gross like i don't want
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to date that yeah but now if you're a hot dude you're right and you get it it's like dude look
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at this hot guy in a wheelchair like you're inspiring and sexy like you know and it's like and you know
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his tongue game is on oh yeah oh yeah for real and you can you can make that dick hard anytime you
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like i guess that's just like any regular man but like you can also see it because it's like
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there's no you can't hide it when your your legs can't move so it's just immediate just
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straight up i mean oh my god i like to imagine he's a huge fucking dick and it's just like so
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it looks like but he can't use his legs so it's just like here you go it's always it's always the
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guy with the skinny legs that have the big old dicks so i mean if you if you're crippled i mean
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all that atrophy i think that's an absolute illusion your dick gets bigger yeah yeah your dick
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actually ends up being wider than your legs all the meat goes from your legs to your dick
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how much of your uh how much of your lower extremities like you can be like below the
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knee i can't move it like below like how much of that would you give up for like a couple inches
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on your penis oh like how much function of my body yeah yeah yeah
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i'll be like i can't maybe like a pinky finger movement or something
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i feel like this is doable depending on where it's starting from is this i'm saying i'm saying it
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starts at your feet so it starts going up it starts at the feet and goes up so it'd be like
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i can't move my feet that sounds like literal fucking torture for what
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how many paralyzed toes equals one inch right that's that's the question yeah the conversion
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rate matters but even then a tenth of an inch per toe so you get one inch oh my god i have to
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have all of my toes all your toes that just means you can't move your toes you're just toes can't
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do you know how clumsy you're with useless toes imagine trying to walk with no muscular control of
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your toes that's an extra inch just for some like special like some special shoes and you get an
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extra dick link like an inch of dick link for some special who feels their toes like can you feel
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your toes right now but you wouldn't be able to move them top you can't balance like with your toes
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and you're like i do that all the time i'm like a monkey you balance with your toes bro trust me are
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you telling me you can give up like both of your pinky toes for like two tenths of an inch come on
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who wouldn't do that my pinky toes are already in capacity that's why your balance so it's like
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like you just have like this big old dick but like you just can't stand up that's a whole i mean
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um i would absolutely double my like dick length for two pinky toes i mean come on who wouldn't
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uh is it pinky toes that are not even like work so apparently i think they do i'd rather lose the
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pinky toe entirely than to like lose the function in it because i feel like it'd be like feel like
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it was asleep probably or it'd be i don't know i just i take two inches and below your knees you
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can't like feel at all i know absolutely no no no no it sounds awful so it's like it's like you have
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uh prosthetic legs but they're still there like they're still like it's they look you look normal
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oh i gotta be blade runner yeah but but but like you know the little like ting ting motherfuckers
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your legs jose you mean the uh the south african uh runner that doesn't have legs who murdered his
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girlfriend that guy i have a better story i have a better idea you can get two inches on your dick
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but once a day at random you just get fucking hammered in your funny bone hammered in your funny
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in your in your elbow now i just really don't have that desire for a bigger dick i mean i don't
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like that cringe but once a day you just that sounds god awful do you think jose has given up sex
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honestly i don't know i've been married for 10 years as as the only man on this podcast whose uh
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dick can reach his belly button uh i would not do any of this that's because you're fucking
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on the rack so it's like an inch away we hate you i don't know i don't understand the desire for a
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bigger dick that much i guess oh i very much want a bigger dick but i like my dick i would love for
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it to be two inches longer that'd be hilarious but at what price you think lieutenant dan got better
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looking after he was in the wheelchair no no because he became an alcoholic gary sinise is
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an ugly bastard yeah yeah oh that's not attractive man i feel like that's a hot take right there
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no it depends there's movies where you're like all right you're kind of steadily but he has that
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like white trash look to him and kind of greasy like he's just like easily and greasy i like the
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idea of jose and his wife of jose going to a movie and discussing like like jose really discussing
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like the the handsome ability of some of the the lead roles yeah well see i i think where jose's uh
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like wheelchair theory kind of starts falling apart is if you start applying it to homeless people
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no but he's saying if you're a hot homeless dude in a wheelchair i mean i think you might be able to
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pull some pussy no although i don't think that thing exists technically because i just started
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watching uh it's always sunny and there was a whole episode about uh dudes in wheelchairs getting
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way more pussy than dudes not in wheelchairs yeah so this is a phenomenon that that is known
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this is why i don't know if it was like it's guys guys makes you hotter adaptive this is why black
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people got the week next because they know that like pussy's even more easy to attain man this is
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crazy i don't think that logic follows i don't know it's like a wheelchair disgust and stunningly
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it doesn't make you more attractive i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna body looks like it should be in a
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wheelchair i'm gonna get an actual dude totally so fucked if he was in a wheelchair you may as well
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just commit seppuku at that point like that gets game over you're not you're there there's no pussy
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at what at what weight do you think you start using one of those fucking people movers like
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you know i'm talking about like the the fat people in target and in walmart oh yeah oh like a like a
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mobility scooter yeah yeah yeah yeah like when do you just give up and start like two and a half bills
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i actually think the bullying's paying off he looks like he's slimming up a little bit yeah you have to
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no no no no no no we need to talk about this i have been really hard on him lately because he's not
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sleeping he's not sleeping and he is he listen this is for the just like this is to get toad i have
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threatened toad to kick him off the podcast for oh yeah if he doesn't sleep because what he's doing
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is he's taking nyquil and then he's offsetting it with extreme caffeine use yeah it's like doing drugs
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without being cool and doing drugs i am and well and the nyquil uh like like the other night like
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sunday night it like completely shredded my insides like i woke up in the middle of the night because
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it was so painful and i thought i was gonna have to go to the er or something i'm like this is uh
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why are you taking nyquil and massive amounts of caffeine like i have a lot of problems
00:15:09.560
no i know but why are you doing that though because they like i hate myself
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it makes no sense you got nothing else to do go to sleep i don't get it that's the thing it's like
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i'm like get eight hours it's not hard to get eight hours you are literally the person with the least
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amount of responsibility here no no i was literally 10 o'clock to six o'clock i mean no i guess clint
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no i was out until 2 a.m on sunday well you got bitches to care for clint so he doesn't because i went
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i went to a blink 182 concert and my commute home took like two and a half hours
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and and actually no actually this was uh two days before that i went i went to the celtics game two
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days before that and had a similar commute and a guy fell asleep i didn't want to bring this up i
00:16:01.040
didn't want to bring this up but uh the two games that you went to for the celtics they look like
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absolute dog shit and i think you're a curse i went to three i went to three and one was their
00:16:10.120
best playoff game he was playing with ouija board yeah he's playing with ouija board he released all
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the demons into the uh and he it's it's basically like the um like man it's like man what top you're
00:16:23.740
frozen for me top what is going on no the first the first game that i went to was like their best
00:16:32.040
playoff game maybe ever and then uh the other two they lost but i i'm seriously i i really want you
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to go to fucking sleep like it's it's bothering me yeah like i mean because and then because the
00:16:44.660
problem is you come in and you complain about the all the ailments you have and every time we say
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go to fucking sleep and work out and you go okay okay and then i'm just like shut the fuck up man
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like he's not he's not interested in in fixing anything he just he just likes to like and he
00:17:00.260
comes back and then inform us no no stop complaining about it if you don't fix it but that's the whole
00:17:06.040
thrill he loves to bitch about it yes he's like literally like everyone's ailing grandma that likes
00:17:12.380
the attention that she's dying he's he's the mom and sopranos pay attention to me listen to all my
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he's like he's like every he's he's every jewish chick in a bagel shop in new york city
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that's what toad is i uh oh the goida oh i i i i got a lot you who you fucking is
00:17:34.880
clint no you know in 2017 i got a lot healthier i was way worse i was like 200 pounds basically at
00:17:42.120
five six i love it for a second 45 pounds about to slip into his his boston like alter ego and he's
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like nope don't do it thank you toad but go on uh i mean it's it's hard not to
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he talks about hearing his toaster talk and his fucking it's it's my my wall my wall does have
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like this weird like static like radio like thing where i can hear like voices and music
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do you think that you're schizophrenic because that'd be fucking rad don't the wild thing is
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once you start digging into like parapolitics and a lot of the crazy shooters and stuff like
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the mcveys or or the guy who shot like elton like not elton john but uh the faggot with yoko ono
00:18:26.940
uh john lennon john lennon yeah like once you start digging like some of is there are a lot of them
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that make have their weird allusions to hearing things like that and like but swearing no i'm saying
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it's like and but there's always weird government things in there too you're like people almost the
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illusion that like uh that they are there is some sort of device to where maybe they are able to
00:18:48.280
people like that and they call them like uh extra low frequency uh vibration like it's a whole
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fucking conspiracy hold on do you think like whenever uh toad does get arrested for this and
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there's like they show him he just shot um i don't know fetterman or something like that
00:19:04.780
because he finally snapped do you think they'll actually pull a clip from this show to for the uh
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for the headshot it's just here he's clearly expressing rampant mental illness and they're
00:19:14.400
no it'd be amazing if he if he commits some sort of mass shooting which by the way i think he's
00:19:23.240
like odds on favorite amongst us to do anything crazy like that but if they were to pull the clip
00:19:27.920
of him going and they were having sex and i was jerking off and then we all bust out laughing
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and they showed that a thousand times on tv oh my god they could totally craft the narrative of
00:19:37.400
like we were what broke him and like what fostered a psychosis and look at the at the what the right
00:19:45.120
wing is doing and how like they are perverting the the innocent normal guy to fucking mass killer
00:19:52.140
pipeline or whatever yeah yeah it'd be a dream come true you realize how famous we would be
00:19:57.020
yeah i mean i can already see the fucking reporter fucking nutting himself ever writing this
00:20:02.300
i think i think that's like the best we can hope for for toad's future is that he ends up in prison
00:20:06.600
for the rest of his life and we end up being the most popular comedy podcast on the planet
00:20:10.760
i'll do it he calls in for prison for legal reasons that's a joke but
00:20:17.200
it's probably true all right so i have a really good idea but i want to i want to talk to be back
00:20:27.380
here before i start it all right so let me give you the premise so i was thinking about it right
00:20:30.880
and there's like a lot of angles that are really fucking boring when it comes to the alliance between
00:20:34.940
corporations and the government but there's a really fun one okay let's try and and spitball
00:20:42.100
pitches from i'm sorry i i gotta i gotta address i love our producers getting fancy just like
00:20:48.660
trying the different different shots i'm trying to get professional with it i like i like the solo
00:20:53.780
shots all right so the idea is solo shots that's what i do every night i was about i was going to
00:20:59.860
make a cum shot uh joke and then i was like i'll let toe do it instead you know what he executed
00:21:05.460
well i was like i thought about it and i was like nah i'm gonna let him go it's good you let him
00:21:09.040
experience what a good i'm having a lot of issues here i think you guys are better yeah yeah yeah we
00:21:14.680
can hear you bro yeah okay you're good man all right so so top here's my idea right so there's
00:21:20.360
going to be a moment if if we prevail where like esg dies and and the big corpos that have gone woke
00:21:27.140
start to try and make amends with their customer base because i don't know blackrock goes belly up or
00:21:31.980
something like that so i was thinking i don't think target's ever gonna like there's no fun way of
00:21:36.960
like reversing target's course but there's already mentioned it the downs thing that's already that
00:21:42.140
no that's good that's good but i was thinking we can we can pitch uh ad campaign ideas for bud
00:21:47.440
light to try and claw back the alt right that used to be their their customer base you guys think
00:21:52.700
by the way target already is apologizing oh they've already removed yeah they already removed
00:21:58.440
everything they're like we're sorry we'll remove the i don't i don't understand children's what was
00:22:04.240
what was the pushback i didn't even see what the target thing was that they were selling like trans
00:22:09.140
and queer uh i know but what kind of pushback swimsuits for children i think people would just
00:22:14.080
online for just it's just yeah it's just social media influencers saying that they're gonna protest
00:22:17.760
it was alex stein actually specifically he went to a target and uh and wore one and basically was
00:22:23.940
like showing his dick and was like look at the talk yeah i think for some reason that was a
00:22:28.480
different one to because they were arguing about um the for some reason like that target is now
00:22:35.560
selling or i don't know if it's now selling or has always sold uh bikinis that have like an extra
00:22:41.900
like piece of fabric to where what the conservatives are saying that the men put their penis into
00:22:48.100
to tuck it yeah but the women were always like there's always been that piece of fabric in there
00:22:53.000
yeah which is news to me i guess like women i guess yeah like there's uh what's that fabric for
00:22:59.580
anyway they it's for discharge discharge and shit like that no what's discharge why is it like a
00:23:05.220
pocket is it no it's for you guys so they can just randomly fly out of like a little basically no
00:23:12.080
like literally that's a self-cleaning thing so it is kind of sort of always oozing so it'll just
00:23:17.180
spit uh that's just spit pussy's basically a drooling retard hey bitch that yo pussy's spitting
00:23:25.700
right now i'd be drooling baby no they uh yeah it's called douching actually but uh
00:23:33.480
what are you talking about i thought i thought that the um yeah i thought that pussy spittle we can call
00:23:40.400
that i i thought i thought that uh what was really going on was that's all that pussy's not
00:23:44.900
some of these swimsuits actually uh actually are designed for boogers
00:23:49.840
no they're designed for women who have like huge meat curtains to like tuck them into it i'm pretty
00:23:55.940
sure that that's like a phenomenon so do you think this guy knows what's a snail trail protector
00:24:01.020
yeah that's right do you think cookies grows two-toed is that why you're not i love how
00:24:07.820
clint didn't even like wasn't picking up what you're putting down but it's like you haven't
00:24:12.740
been it's just like i don't know if you just haven't been a long-term relationship enough
00:24:15.480
to even just understand a vagina that way other than putting your penis in it
00:24:18.560
my women just respect me enough not to fucking tell me about their pussy spit oh guys listen okay
00:24:30.260
i i'm gonna tell this story about my house that we've been asking clint let me tell you about my
00:24:35.180
pussy no we should bring it up go ahead go ahead oh yeah yeah bring it up bring it up yeah yeah so
00:24:43.280
at top lobster i don't even know if we said this on here top lobster ranch oh we're talking about
00:24:47.640
oh we're gonna do this story oh all right all right if i want that there's a crazy person involved
00:24:54.800
i didn't even know about this until after drop it on i i feel like i shouldn't but i
00:25:01.020
funny clint's like go for it and i'm like i mean i don't even know why it's a big deal just go for
00:25:07.760
it okay i think it's it's funny okay so all the guys are sleeping in my house some people are sleeping
00:25:12.840
in rooms some people sleep in different places reed was sleeping with toad again it's gross
00:25:16.840
no i was uh i was down actually you're right i was downstairs it doesn't matter
00:25:20.660
yeah with reed and keep the story moving shut up you are irrelevant
00:25:24.680
i know i am so like after everybody left me and my wife go we clean up the rooms
00:25:30.900
all this and we deflate the airbed we take the sheets off and my wife notices that there's like
00:25:39.320
panties and she's like but like they're real small so she's like did clint's girlfriend leave
00:25:46.400
his pants i feel like i shouldn't tell the story no you're already in it now you're already in it
00:25:51.280
now like you're already you can just stop it fuck the audience who cares women are the worst i don't
00:25:56.820
want to deal with their craziness and i feel like we may experience anyway there's no crazy i got up to
00:26:02.180
this point you spent all the time with that one woman involved the story you're gonna tell me there's
00:26:06.120
no crazy there are you there's no crazy in this story there's no crazy in this story so so hold on
00:26:12.280
the story she's crazy it relates to what we were just talking about because the panties that we
00:26:17.540
found had a little bit of that that pussy drip that pussy drip yeah there's a little bit more than
00:26:23.460
that on there it's a spittle it's to be like can't be my bitch that pussy don't ooze
00:26:27.420
had you had you have told me that i would have told you that ain't mine yeah
00:26:33.900
a little bit a little bit of a skid mark there my girls ain't spitting i only date chicks with
00:26:41.340
non-drooling pussy what a fucking weird thing so you're telling me that you all all right so
00:26:47.620
one i have heard of the term this is clueless as you if not more so i have heard of the term
00:26:53.660
discharge i just don't know what the fuck you're talking about does it actually like
00:26:59.440
i can imagine i can imagine it dribbling a little bit i can't i can't imagine discharge
00:27:09.600
discharge is like what a firearm does and i don't understand the language the language
00:27:13.700
throws me off it's whenever they sneeze it just shoots out like a fucking rocket
00:27:17.460
yeah like a snot rocket yeah okay what a discharge just means something that comes
00:27:23.960
out it doesn't it doesn't have any reflect at all on the on the uh force with which it comes
00:27:29.800
out it discharges it's like a little bit of uh like an
00:27:32.480
come on man that was a little rough i just feel yeah i feel like don't don't don't talk about this
00:27:40.160
hope everybody else make you weird and brutal when you're when you're fucking well i mean
00:27:44.240
it's fucked up i guess i'm trying to think if i've ever had any type of
00:27:49.100
discharge from my penis that i've ever been like i guess it's i had a urinary tract infection once and
00:27:55.000
i thought i had syphilis i had chlamydia and luckily i got rid of before it started using or no
00:28:00.780
chlamydia that's what i thought i had because i i looked it up online and i was like i was like oh
00:28:05.920
fuck like there's shit dripping out of my dick and then i went to the hospital or i went to my doctor
00:28:09.620
and he's like oh no you just have a uti i was like dudes can get utis in our dick shaft
00:28:14.140
did i ever tell you my chlamydia story i mean me and my best or my at the time one of my best buddies
00:28:21.240
we both fucked the same chick but he fucked her like a couple weeks before i did and um and he
00:28:30.640
he started getting the dick oozing uh but i just like my the inside of my dick hole started it so i
00:28:36.780
like like so i was like that's weird like i didn't really but it was like not the point
00:28:41.440
where it like flagged it for me and he came to me he's like yo do you fuck this chick and i'm like
00:28:45.780
yeah he's like yo my dick just oozed there's pus coming out my dick hole and i was like uh well my
00:28:52.020
dick hole itches a little bit so i think it's that bitch and uh oh my god i didn't get to that extent
00:28:58.900
like i just got treatment and we're good like yeah buddy but i was like you raw dog the chick
00:29:05.780
two weeks after your homie hit it jesus okay no i didn't raw dog it i actually was very good about
00:29:11.100
wearing condoms back in the day but i got drunk and fuck this bitch and it broke and it did that move
00:29:18.200
and it's funny i remember to this day i still remember the moment when it broke because i was
00:29:22.600
like drunk but like i could tell it broke but drunk me was like don't look down and it didn't
00:29:28.980
break like this is pretty awesome yeah there is there is no better there is no better sensation
00:29:36.360
than when you're like because for those that don't know when your dick is an economy like for our lady
00:29:40.720
audience when your dick is an economy the the sensation is decreased exponentially it's like it's
00:29:45.660
like it's basically you could slam my dick in a car door i wouldn't even notice it so when you're
00:29:49.860
having sex and the condom breaks it goes from like like this is cool that i'm having sex to this is
00:29:55.120
the greatest thing ever i feel like having sex with a condom is just like the thought of having
00:30:01.960
sex is better than the actual sex itself i agree the condom right now because i've been married for
00:30:07.000
over a decade is just gross oh yeah i'm like if you're like sex with condom i'm like you should jerk
00:30:14.000
off into condoms that makes sense because they're lubed on the outside why would you do that dude
00:30:19.440
that is so weird but uh jose's uh jose's got a point though like if if yeah if yeah it's uh no the
00:30:28.680
the episode is schrodinger's condom oh my god sorry i gotta finish the story because i remember
00:30:31.720
i busted all in there and i remember the moment and like when i busted immediately the realization was
00:30:38.200
like that's when i was like i knew because i already knew i was just lying to myself and i was like
00:30:43.440
shit and then i looked down i went and like she kind of looked at me like did you and i'm like
00:30:48.440
yeah and she's like yeah a little i'm like yeah like a lot
00:30:51.760
you're such a piece she was a whore too though oh yeah i heard like a kind of soft groan like
00:31:01.520
okay third one this week god i should get a plan b subscription oh my god top top why were you doing
00:31:12.220
that i don't know that i had like i had a lot of free condoms my room was like filled with condoms
00:31:17.880
they were in like boxes and shit your parents were like this kid fucks and you were just like
00:31:22.860
jerking it man that's that's right yeah yeah just have a whole bunch of them just so people think
00:31:27.440
that you fuck a lot i think i did that i'll put a condom in my that's what i do i hang them up
00:31:31.820
just hang them up from the ceiling put a condom in my wallet just in case i need a jerk on the go
00:31:37.520
just toad's a hoarder but he just has a room filled with condoms because he just keeps acquiring
00:31:44.560
they're they're all expired uh one of my college roommates had like an entire bucket of condoms
00:31:49.980
just by the way on that last comment can't catch an std if you're going to get tested that is 100
00:31:56.200
the kind of mindset i have just with medical anything and i would have done that if i just
00:32:00.740
didn't have the buddy who came to me who had like a literal dripping dick that was like hey you might
00:32:07.140
and that for me is like oh that's my future but i could i could see myself being like the frog in
00:32:11.640
the boiling water of like well it's just dripping a tiny bit what's dripping a little more whatever you
00:32:16.200
know i can totally see myself rationalizing my way all the way through there there's some lose your
00:32:20.240
eyesight you're like oh my god this is a problem and i can't why do i hate the jews and why do i
00:32:25.280
want to commit uh genocide all of a sudden it's like oh my god that's it's just syphilis and i came
00:32:30.440
while i pissed one so that was that was the weird uh discharge that i had out of my dick the
00:32:35.800
the pissing column she's not watching this alex don't don't talk about top's mom like that
00:32:40.860
we have mailbag we've gone for 30 minutes and forgot all about mailbag we have mailbag
00:32:44.980
before we bring a mailbag speaking of which my mom is a proud uh subscriber to the
00:32:50.260
locals like the rest you should be where these questions come from wait todd did you finish uh
00:32:57.040
the story you found panties is that the end i guess that's the end of it are you gonna finish
00:33:01.900
it i think you should should i think we should i think you should because it's really funny because
00:33:05.860
women lie you know that that's the old thing let's do mailbag and if we remember to finish
00:33:11.340
it after we'll do it well because the whole point is this is still an unsolved mystery right
00:33:16.340
right right you guys would be so good at my pitch idea for fucking bud light oh yeah yeah i
00:33:21.640
have one in my mind i figured all right go ahead fucking mailbag jesus fucking christ go ahead
00:33:27.740
where we'll talk oh shit we have banners there we go that's even better the mailbag is on a banner
00:33:34.760
now i think little dicky's just not reading to us anymore like that's like i'm sad you know what
00:33:41.340
we were trying to give an opportunity to be on screen talent he kind of slapped that away we get it
00:33:45.420
whatever uh go ahead clint you're the one with the silver voice you know joshua smith's 69 420 kid
00:33:50.880
uh where will top's next white supremacist terrorist attack be at this guy's house
00:33:57.080
i assume i assume this is a play off the fact that there's been a bunch of hispanic white
00:34:02.060
supremacists lately i think that guy was indian wasn't he the the resa guy was indian he could
00:34:06.320
be you josh is a jew isn't he that checks out and there are a lot of people in that house and
00:34:12.260
they're all jews or jew lovers yeah the resa guy was in that is not the worst place to start that is
00:34:18.540
like a concentrated hub yeah just saying that guy actually you're homies that guy that was driving
00:34:23.780
that u-hauled was there anything in that because i saw you got a yeah yeah a nazi flag
00:34:29.760
why was it thrown out so so nicely though like they took it out for the photo shoot for real
00:34:38.100
no no no yo as as crazy as that aspect of the story is my favorite part is that his plan was once he
00:34:48.120
drove his u-haul truck which was filled with nothing but a nazi flag that's his weapon of
00:34:54.900
choice he was going to get into the white house take out the president and then take over the
00:34:59.620
government he had a whole truck while he has no weaponry like a migrant fucking farm worker yeah
00:35:06.840
the nazi flag uh does like really terrify them yeah dude that would be it he just watched he watched
00:35:13.480
white house down and he was like i can do that but i have 50 dollars
00:35:17.860
for a few years now and i can tell you the white people are a good people and the darkies i mean
00:35:29.000
they're just like at my mini mart they are always disrespectful i have a i have a flag and when i get
00:35:36.040
to the white house i shall raise it and the white man shall reign supreme it's like what are you
00:35:39.840
talking about right now do you think it was like plant the flag like if i can get into this area
00:35:44.360
with my flag maybe we'll be a nazi i mean let's be real i'm not going to my race is not going to be
00:35:50.100
taking over this nation the whites are a generous people they will gladly keep us around we are
00:35:55.220
industrious and you know what the whites would because they make a lot of fucking sense man
00:36:01.660
dude actually i know i love i love hold on hold on i just i love i love the thought process of like
00:36:09.840
if i can drop the american flag and raise the nazi flag in its place i have conquered america
00:36:15.980
that's really what he thought like germany actually won other ones who see the truth
00:36:21.740
this is what the fbi thought and but it's also a writer please be easy no but actually uh dickie
00:36:30.760
brought up a point a little while ago in the chat there which is that uh the guy was planning on
00:36:34.980
using his explosive diarrhea as a bomb in the day of the terrorist attack i think the better one he
00:36:40.580
had was saying that uh no there was a better one i can see if i can find it he's a triple false flag
00:36:45.900
ss flag didn't even have poo stains on it which is there was another nazi uh like a swastika shit
00:36:54.040
a shit swastika which i don't understand siraj how did you exactly intend on taking over the united
00:37:02.380
states well you see i had nothing but curry and this nazi flag and i was all out of fucking curry
00:37:08.940
friend what are you talking about siraj there's no fucking way he's like no if you look at january
00:37:15.020
6th there was a bunch of unarmed angry white people and they almost took over the government
00:37:19.600
i felt with my industrious nature it's a big old fucking game of capture the flag
00:37:24.780
well you see my plan is to give all of the americans the spiciest uh chicken vindaloo that
00:37:31.340
we have and they will all shit themselves to death and i was like
00:37:35.880
he misunderstood he thought he thought it was a black man and elderly like uh i don't know
00:37:44.220
northeastern woman like i don't know what was going on there
00:37:47.900
oh my god mine wasn't good either but that was awful next next question please
00:37:55.760
reasonable men says who would be the first one of the group to go trans i'm sorry i don't like
00:38:02.500
this how much money would it take wait wait so who would go trans first so this is not necessarily
00:38:09.520
fucking a trans this is actually like we slice our penis off just hold on for a second we become
00:38:14.700
trans this feels like this feels like a korean steakhouse where like like they bring you the
00:38:19.040
meat but they're like you cook it like we have a producer here and he's not a fucking reader
00:38:23.840
i know right i don't i went to a korean uh i went to korean barbecue just last week and it was amazing
00:38:29.800
so top fuck you you know it's like getting married and not even having sex just getting a double dutch
00:38:34.920
rudder every time you know yeah yeah top top fuck you for uh praising little dicky by calling him
00:38:40.740
the korean barbecue you really don't have to read it little dicky i don't give a fuck yeah no i
00:38:46.540
already read it i already read it man don't know no no come back dude all right you clearly want
00:38:50.920
i'm just fucking i would uh i would probably be the first one to do it right because at least uh
00:38:56.260
if i did that i could start like dominating uh women's sports or something no i just want to tell
00:39:01.200
you right now if you did it i'd much rather fuck you with a mussy oh my god
00:39:04.880
no this is why we need to get rich and famous we could do so good with skits like you guys
00:39:09.520
remember that like cartman episode where he goes to special olympics and gets pwned by the retards
00:39:13.060
yeah it was great do amazing imagine doing a skit but that with toad going to like female sports
00:39:18.760
and he just gets fucked on yo that'd be that'd be pretty dope we we just put on like prosthetic
00:39:24.480
tits and put him in a fucking in a girl like a wmba game and he just gets dunked on left and right
00:39:29.120
prosthetic i already have him he was like like dude do like a pre like a pre-game interview and he
00:39:33.800
was like i'm gonna fucking fuck him up man like i can i want it i want to see a Boston accent
00:39:39.260
because i want to see toad i want to see toad in the lingerie football league get trucked by like
00:39:43.720
this little 120 pound bitch it'd be so funny can we do it those lfl bitches are i yo we totally
00:39:49.680
they're actually you know if we made this content it could it would double as like content comedy
00:39:55.240
for us but also as like smut porn like we could sell it to somebody i want to set up i want to set up
00:40:01.340
events of we get multiple women to try to fight me or just one of us and see how many women we can
00:40:07.160
fight at once i i think that's a great idea and and they kind of they kind of do that at skank fest
00:40:11.560
but it's it's usually women that just keep fighting each other i just want to see one dude that has to
00:40:16.140
fight as many women until he's exhausted yeah yeah that would be so honestly i just want to every
00:40:21.880
year like let's see how many you can do but bare knuckle but bare knuckle though like imagine if we had
00:40:27.360
a tower fest and every year like first year i fight two women next year three this is like i see
00:40:33.320
how high i can get i'd much rather just you know just knock them around a bit because you know they'll
00:40:39.480
like a bare knuckle you're cutting a bitch i want it i want it to be i want it to be awful that'd be
00:40:45.580
fucking hilarious this sounds like a segue into one of the movies it took the fun out like i would i
00:40:52.160
would find it more funny like like with sock and boppers like big ass gloves i think oh huge like
00:40:57.040
i mean you're gonna huge comical boxing gloves it'd almost be more fun with no strikes because
00:41:05.480
then you have pillows on his hand you know how cool it'd be to fight like or 120 pound woman but
00:41:11.000
not bill throw strikes like you get creative like grab him by a fucking ankle spin around and smack the
00:41:16.080
other one about the pussy weird shit you know i would i would pick up the first bitch that's dumb
00:41:20.280
enough to get close to me and i would use her as a battering ram against the rest of them
00:41:23.540
but he said uh toad and jello and so i'd love to have uh those like the jello uh wrestling
00:41:33.500
yeah yeah toad and like three women and it's just like yes that's that sounds fun for me let's do
00:41:40.500
this at my house let's do this at my house we had this idea before top lobster ranch last time we
00:41:44.620
said we were going to get a fucking a kiddie pool and put it fill it with jello and then have toad
00:41:48.780
wrestle bitches i still think it's a brilliant idea honestly i think he should wrestle all our
00:41:53.040
wives i think he should just uh i think it'd be really you know how hard he would come oh my
00:41:58.680
immediate he might my wife would fuck you up toad yeah she would she probably would yeah elizabeth
00:42:06.660
elizabeth hit me before she she has some power i don't i don't know if toad would win or not but
00:42:11.860
he would come hard like that's a win for me in a fistfight do you think elizabeth could take toad
00:42:18.780
no i think toad's got it uh i think i'm uh i probably got it i think it'd be close
00:42:25.460
i really think it'd be close she weighs like 110 pounds you really like a street fight no she's
00:42:33.120
way faster than that oh my god oh my god just cut his internet right now you know he's done for
00:42:42.080
oh spud would absolutely spud is a fucking amazon i think spud's like six foot tall like she
00:42:48.300
well that's a problem that's a problem for you toad all right all right who's gonna go transfers i
00:42:54.440
like i don't know dude i know not me toad is definitely the only one that would go transfer
00:43:00.060
yes thank you uh i think the better question is how much money would it take for you to
00:43:04.140
to actually slice off your penis and become a woman the answer is fucking infinite infinite there's no
00:43:09.180
number we can't keep the penis i think if you're going trans i think it's the full the full on
00:43:15.120
the full trans the full trans it's not it's like full-blown age you're full-blown trans you know
00:43:21.620
i stand by this that i think cole would make the most attractive trans uh but i think the most
00:43:26.380
probable outcome is is toad has a total mental breakdown i think if i went trans i would keep
00:43:31.380
working out and i would just actually go and smash like some female records and i think well
00:43:35.940
look i already get if we get reed's twitter suspended again we can probably convince him to go trans
00:43:41.060
i i already have the 40 chance of suicide so he's already fucking dusty old pussy so
00:43:48.600
imagine his suicide rates like actually go down if he goes straight
00:43:53.920
now you're at 40 he's like i'm actually happy in my life now you're the half a percent of the
00:44:01.020
population that actually needs transition surgery and you've been refusing uh toadette rolls off the
00:44:06.500
tongue that's true it does she's she's she's a very cute character i bet you have some rolls that
00:44:13.040
some guys would like to squeeze man i think the better question is how many my moles how many
00:44:17.720
shots do you have to be to look at toadette and get a get a hard on
00:44:22.160
toadette does have moles on his chest you want to squeeze my moles no no no no my biggest moles are
00:44:31.800
the uh the neck one right here this is it's kind of yeah it's kind of bad it like juts out quite a
00:44:36.880
bit yeah it's the type of nigga to just talk about his moles you got uh i don't i got some mole
00:44:42.860
well i got the uh the shoulder up here i don't even see it right now you know how he corners people
00:44:48.660
at events and they like just starts talking to him and they're like fuck right i got one here
00:44:54.180
and everyone's everyone's just waiting for him to shut up so they can run away and he's like
00:45:07.660
they're all riveted to my story dude can you imagine uh having a mole in your butthole and
00:45:12.440
you never know about it because you haven't seen your butthole i have seen my butthole
00:45:16.620
your butt mole this would be a butch gay it would be a it would be a butt mole god i'd really i'd
00:45:26.560
really rather not think about toadette as a woman anymore we can stop that yeah next question next
00:45:31.160
question next and final mailbag conspiracy extremist says if you could pick one race or
00:45:37.360
category of people to never have to come in contact with again what rate black people no
00:45:42.540
this lady that completely stole from top's uh rant she completely ripped it off she stole it like a
00:45:59.760
black person and now you got my thread really is what he's trying to say and she's probably gonna go
00:46:05.860
up to top and be like tip tip no you know what you know what really happened is that she got a tip
00:46:10.220
mon from top mon let's let's run it wow it's true or let's not roll it he pulled it up and
00:46:18.380
rolled it down here we go here we go here we go listen listen to what she says this is wild we need
00:46:22.920
to hear it jamaican people stay here i'm white people stay here i'm spanish and i'm black american
00:46:28.180
stay here i'm not saying not all pause real quick pause real quick the dumbest thing i've seen of this
00:46:34.160
is that she was taking a dead fucking plant and she plants it like it's going to live in front
00:46:38.640
i thought that too and i'm like is it like there are certain plants you can kind of just graph from
00:46:45.080
or like move from one i'm like maybe but i'm like i don't know go ahead so what's going on in this
00:46:50.180
story is they're framing her as the normal one and as the one that's the victim but they're showing
00:46:54.400
her do do shit in in jamaica that people do all the time and it does not this is like in in that
00:47:00.140
that movie where they were feeding the plants gatorade it's all clown shit but whatever keep
00:47:06.220
playing man yeah no this is what i saw that i was like but you're i understand you can take some
00:47:11.660
plants to plant them but when they're like plants with already have leaves on it you got to take it
00:47:16.680
by the roots she's literally just stripping off sticks and like planting it in the ground
00:47:22.160
i'm like i saw that too i've had the same time like i don't i don't fucking know i thought it
00:47:28.860
was like some jamaican thing because there's a lot of plants around there it is it is a jamaican
00:47:32.980
thing because it makes no fucking sense of jamaican people stay here it's clown shit dude i'm not gonna
00:47:38.900
lie she is kind of cute i keep seeing other comments yeah you don't understand the witchcraft
00:47:42.860
black americans are bad but the ones that came to my place have been nothing but problem
00:47:53.160
only two good ones came here all of them fight late at night not with me with each other
00:47:58.580
they're disrespectful they're entitled they're unappreciative
00:48:12.840
jesus man we gotta just kill them i think holy shit all right so so basically she says that it's
00:48:20.880
the welfare state in america that has made black people awful to be around
00:48:25.400
that's what she says she's not wrong she's got a she's got a point hold on hold on look in the
00:48:33.160
background here look at this house that is literally planted like standing up no not that in the exact
00:48:38.580
background you guys are seeing this because this is literally it's literally just
00:48:42.600
limbs that they just stuck under the side of a house and they're like this will hold
00:48:47.920
it's to avoid being flooded i don't it doesn't even look like it's like nailed in like
00:48:53.300
i mean those look pretty janky but they are those are pretty i know that is what they do they'll put
00:48:58.280
them on stilts someplace yeah when i said the entire you're a fucking engineer cole
00:49:02.080
yeah and i'm saying this shit does not work the entire country the entire country is just clown
00:49:10.280
shit like we we need to go there all together so you can see i want to see your faces when you see
00:49:15.380
it i've been there i'd love to go with you it'd be fucking hilarious you're making white supremacy
00:49:20.840
for real shit like this is the first time that i was like shit maybe that all these racial minorities
00:49:25.320
are white supremacists at some point they just get tired of the shit that they keep getting and
00:49:31.560
she just broke she was just like at some point they get tired of fighting the flawless logic
00:49:38.360
they're like god after you see it for the 30th time you got to be like
00:49:45.820
i think it's just black people man like i think
00:49:53.580
did she say that the only two people that she thought were uh okay were not black no no she
00:50:00.800
said there was only two black people that were okay to be fair she said american black so like
00:50:06.320
that's true like i know we made great jokes that i've encountered i mean i mean great jokes
00:50:11.600
it is there is like something there's a it's a different phenomenon between some black from
00:50:18.960
some other country and an american black like let's be real yeah that's actually crazy that the
00:50:23.040
only two okay blacks in the entirety of the u.s both went to jamaica okay black is just okay
00:50:29.260
cupid but just way underfunded all right go ahead and finish it man it's also my catch okay black
00:50:37.440
but then they come to jamaica get a free same free shit out here and be nasty about it and i
00:50:44.600
said all of you like that because of that i'm not risking my health and my happiness for people
00:50:50.120
no shop off pretty centrally no shop yeah hold on pause it what is up with this like b-roll it is
00:50:57.460
so great it's just like okay we need to pick up pick up some dead plants and then just start
00:51:01.720
stripping and going to the water and then we're gonna put your voice over in it where you're just
00:51:06.660
talking mad shit on black americans i mean i mean what this is she clearly is one of the workers
00:51:12.800
there and like i it sounds like she has some sort of little hut that she lets people borrow for
00:51:17.240
their like beach days or whatever which is fine that's great but like uh
00:51:21.200
is she committing suicide by going going for a swim i'm done i have too many black men stay with me
00:51:33.720
mine i go swim and die i guess really it's just that they were like they're okay you're you have
00:51:39.560
this hot things we're gonna do this little video of you decorating your little hut to show you have it
00:51:44.280
and then it's jamaica so tourists so get in the water like it really was like that was their level
00:51:49.300
of creativity there that's all i will say i give them one shit yo yeah this may i shit real for real
00:51:54.860
i will say this i will give them one thing i do like that their houses are actually like
00:52:00.180
they always fighting yelling the same thing over and over
00:52:05.200
they keep going fuck you want fuck you want over and over i tried to watch a movie man and they're
00:52:14.840
just talking talking black americans jamaican people are making you look bad jamaican people
00:52:21.480
please you know you're making you crazy you know uh they really don't like the american blacks
00:52:27.100
because they're too poor to tip they don't even ask they just take
00:52:31.600
good god i i just i love it when people that you don't expect are racist it's really fun
00:52:39.200
all right uh more to tip on next one next one if you got one well are we gonna do uh there's a
00:52:46.340
special thing that we wanted to do tonight yeah wait let me again i kind of wanted oh yeah
00:52:50.620
oh yeah there is a special thing right um okay so did you get it put together yeah i put it
00:52:58.000
together so basically what happened here is that cole uh i mentioned this last week cole is a teenage
00:53:04.060
girl that's that's basically that's why i'm so turned on by him crazy we don't read it we don't read
00:53:12.120
it and and it's like a big thing because apparently cole's really funny and we're just like none of us
00:53:16.520
will sign on to instagram for whatever reason so we're like you know what we're gonna give you
00:53:21.680
a little spot here and this this segment is gonna be called uh cole's corner yeah hell yeah so he's
00:53:30.620
gonna show us better but go on thank you show us some videos from instagram and uh these videos are
00:53:37.060
gonna fucking slap i said so these are these are actually ones i did send in the chat which i bet no
00:53:41.720
one watched um this this first one i do have to explain what happens afterwards but this is really
00:53:47.040
funny but i did send all these to david and i said you can also pick your own that you that i sent so
00:53:51.440
these are special ones that i sent over every week i'm gonna do this i'm gonna by the way i do want to
00:53:56.240
clarify like we did mention this is from our group chat instagram it is a nightmare in there anytime i go
00:54:01.220
on instagram it's like fucking goddamn 50 new notifications from there and so i don't even bother
00:54:05.680
opening i'm sending constantly every day it is awful because of cool it's nothing but that by the
00:54:10.640
way i assumed it might be another spot for us to be able to have conversations nothing but spam videos
00:54:15.900
yeah nothing no and i anyway it's a cold retarded brain it's concerning you're like yeah all this
00:54:23.060
stuff makes me laugh every one of these has made me laugh out loud usually this is why i sent them
00:54:27.800
and i i had suggested this should be a cole's clip corner with three k's though yep kkk it should have
00:54:35.320
been cold culture corner but anyways fuck yeah cold culture corner's good yeah i like it it'll be
00:54:41.260
that yeah kkk all right so watch this one then i'll explain why it was even funnier uh than just like
00:54:48.440
what it is yeah so the newest tesla feature is that the seat will take a high resolution scan of your
00:54:55.140
automatically unlock and start the car you call the tech particular testicular detection
00:55:01.920
okay so the best part about this is that instagram has the same thing as twitter where
00:55:08.920
it'll put like a community note but they fact checked this actually and said that tesla does
00:55:13.740
not this is an actual fact check by instagram i wish we could pull it up because it says fact
00:55:18.260
check teslas do not have a ball scanning feature on them why not it made me laugh so hard that
00:55:24.500
was like hey guys just so you know this isn't real like in case you thought that tesla's actually
00:55:29.520
scan your balls this is like what happened on twitter recently fucking dennis got got community
00:55:34.700
this is like from the artist formerly known as dennis i'm like this is tremendous these fucking
00:55:39.300
idiots it's so great because instagrams all of instagram's like fact checks are way worse than
00:55:44.460
twitter's ever have been they're comical every time because you mean you mean known parody artist
00:55:49.820
dennis yes exactly uh i just think that cole realizes that instagram is so shit and they're
00:55:57.220
like restricting you in every way and he still like goes on there like more than twitter we're
00:56:01.380
on twitter just saying all kinds of shit and he's like i'd rather be the best part about instagram
00:56:05.800
and i guess you'll see someone i think maybe i just got some less words we know it's way west
00:56:11.420
words uh way west words way west words dude the only function instagram feels for me is whenever i
00:56:18.300
have some sort of clip or something that i i was doing it only for twitter or whatever i was like
00:56:23.300
well i guess i might as well throw it on instagram like that's all it is but like the racist and sexist
00:56:30.140
and homophobic and all the all the ists and whatever yeah they're remarkable instagram are alive man
00:56:36.480
go ahead and run the next one the next one it's really hello i got some fucking dove men's soap for
00:56:42.540
you too okay i don't want to have men's soap on your body because you smell like shit too
00:56:52.360
as if he had to clarify that like i'm giving you men's soap bitch because you're a man
00:57:02.800
trans oh shit i missed the trans thing i just thought it was a dad being hilarious
00:57:09.300
no it was a trans i do that shit to my 13 year old will she be on the phone with her friends and
00:57:14.660
i'll be like adorana the toilet's clogged what do we say what do we say about this tranny she's
00:57:21.680
kind of cute for a tranny yeah yeah yeah i'd probably fuck i'm trying to ask but i do find it
00:57:28.380
funny that there is a dad out there just like wash yourself you smell like shit because you're a dude
00:57:33.160
and you put off dude hormones wash yourself your pits stink no well is the smell even worse though
00:57:40.200
because she has a uh what is it a vulnus is that what the term is for do we have to talk about the
00:57:46.180
odor of the mussy please i think it's just funnier to think that even like trans boy or whatever trans
00:57:52.460
girl teenager boys basically still stink because this is all their hormones are still teenage boy
00:57:58.360
hormones is she i have no idea i don't know it's not it's not creepy if it's a dude relax yeah yeah
00:58:04.580
exactly yeah it's fun young gay dudes all the time so it's like kind of a loophole we found here so
00:58:09.400
clint can fuck young children like he wants young young girls this is why i'm gay also the best part
00:58:15.080
about instagram usually the comments are all very uh right wing and so like this will get all sorts
00:58:23.360
of w's like it'll just be a massive thing like that's like the most realistic part they're like
00:58:29.200
listen doctor no matter what you do when you take this dick off and give me a mussy i just need it to
00:58:33.840
leak and the doctor was like oh top top it's supposed to spit and it's supposed to spit i'm gonna need
00:58:40.240
some added discharge if you know what i'm saying yeah maybe maybe you put an air cannon up there so
00:58:44.540
i can like shove something like it there's some snot boogers i'm gonna put drainage pipes from my uh
00:58:49.440
tummy to get dude you know what would be really dope guys i have a great idea we should create a
00:58:55.860
market or like a uh like a what's the uh a t-shirt cannon but we like we reconfigure the t-shirt
00:59:02.720
cannon for uh fake dicks and then and then just have like trannies can just launch dude just
00:59:08.440
fucking like yeah like top deck of a baseball stadium launch out of their dicks it'd be so
00:59:12.860
fucking oh shit that's how you jam pussy dude yeah why would yeah why would a tranny get like a fake
00:59:19.740
dick that was made from skin from their like thigh or something yeah you're never you're never
00:59:24.080
going to be able to orgasm anyways just make it a fucking clown show just launch i do like the
00:59:28.400
the fake dicks though are just go full detachable like yeah whatever i do like that the fake dicks
00:59:35.320
though because they were talking about like having a soda can dick like the fake dicks do like a soda
00:59:39.480
can got wrapped in like some like silicone that's basically what it looks like they're horrifying
00:59:43.960
but you know what i would like if they shot massive ropes i would like that yeah honestly you could
00:59:50.040
actually shove a little rope up there and shoot it out that would be the best okay guys and then they
00:59:54.860
hang yourself on it i feel like if you lived up that little inside hole you could shoot out
01:00:01.880
guys if you could if you could do this surgery would you take some skin from your forearm or your or
01:00:08.220
your thigh and like make your dick thicker like they could probably do that right would you do that
01:00:12.400
right now i could do that like a tiny bit no uh no because you would lose sensation it would suck
01:00:16.960
is your ass skin an option how long is the sensation on the inside of my thigh i don't care about
01:00:22.400
sensation inside my thigh no you mean no on your dick you dumb fuck
01:00:25.920
you don't think they can match like they can't okay but if you rub your thigh does it feel like
01:00:33.200
hard it doesn't you get sexual sensation like oh yeah like it's not the same dude i bet it
01:00:38.400
what if what if what if cole is like a genie and and and uh oh my god he can't come from a blowjob
01:00:49.680
but he could rub his thigh and nut that's how trashy his girl is babe stop sucking my dick and put
01:00:56.560
those lips on my thigh it'd be dope it'd be dope if it shot a white bed sheet that was in the in the
01:01:02.880
shape of a of a noose just like i said oh i'm sorry i'm sorry i didn't hear that's why i said i
01:01:09.200
said they could shoot little ropes and then hang us up with it we've been talking over it all night
01:01:14.160
so i didn't hear it i'm sorry yeah yeah guys i heard ropes i was like haha they did that was my reaction
01:01:19.840
yeah yeah sorry jose fuck hey next one i got some more there's some all right let's do it
01:01:36.880
all right for our listening audience it says police investigating incident in a sheffield pub
01:01:41.360
live band played rocky music as husband beat wife that is so funny
01:01:45.600
oh man the guy was just because you know whenever you hear rocky music you start doing a little
01:01:50.640
bounce you start doing it's like i could just see him being like he's going he's he hits the first
01:01:56.240
time and they hear dun-da-da-da-da he's like all right and he just really yeah you just realize
01:02:01.600
he gets a second wind we need to do that one of these days we i mean i don't know if there's a way we
01:02:05.840
can do that i don't know the tech behind that but play the rocky music as we watch on those like
01:02:10.320
dude beats woman fight videos like a brutal rough beat down i haven't i haven't
01:02:15.360
i have an admission to make uh at my gym it's there's almost never anybody in it because it's
01:02:19.920
like a bunch of old people that live here so i want to know if you guys do this too i have i have
01:02:25.520
only taken boxing lessons for like a month out of my entire life every time i'm in the gym by myself
01:02:30.880
and i have all the mirrors around i shot i shadow box a little bit anybody else no i don't do that
01:02:34.960
i do flex but i don't shadow box that's like no i don't do that shadow boxing happens a lot when i'm
01:02:40.160
drunk yeah like it my my wife's nickname is shadow
01:02:51.520
if you're shadow boxing in the mirror bad posture for like your actual like fighting stance if you're
01:02:56.960
what if you're shadow boxing in a mirror and you're looking at yourself right to the side when you're
01:03:01.360
moving it's not it's it's just not where you want to be with your head well the hardest the hardest part
01:03:06.720
is that i can never i can never beat the guy in the mirror he's always like he's always matching
01:03:12.320
me with my sorry that was a cold joke go ahead jesus next one what else we got there's there's
01:03:19.440
some more in there i know fat bitches need to shut up bro i'm not gonna like in all respect in all
01:03:26.640
honesty like not gonna lie it'd be a lot of the fat holes talking you fat bitches need to shut the
01:03:38.720
i love black dudes go so hard they don't give a fuck man my favorite is how he ends it on god like
01:03:48.720
terrible thing to say i ain't gonna lie fat what is he what is he though is he like a streamer or
01:03:54.320
something or he's just some project no he's a dude in prison he's got he's got his he's got his
01:03:58.640
prisoner tag right in the top left corner there is nothing worse than some fucking unattractive
01:04:06.000
like dumb that's like causing problems because you really just want to level them be like you are
01:04:10.880
literally fucking worthless in this world you serve no purpose no one wants to fuck you you're stupid
01:04:18.160
like what what are you doing here take take you never give wait that's that's what you guys do to
01:04:24.000
me though well that's there's a reason you had it coming lose some weight
01:04:48.480
oh oh yeah well there's a new political candidate we should uh read that off yeah we
01:04:57.200
should i really don't want this what i feel like top you really didn't want this the we're
01:05:03.360
doing it we're doing it i thought it was hilarious it is hilarious i love this segment
01:05:07.360
no no no no no no insecure because you thumbs down this guy oh i yeah i did there's a gentleman
01:05:14.240
running for congress this is our favorite uh congressional candidate i do want to ask
01:05:18.240
is this legit like i don't think so i don't know they presented it in a way that's believable which
01:05:23.600
is yeah it's well because well because uh nevada nevada
01:05:27.440
nevada district three is correct like that does exist and suzy lee is the current uh
01:05:35.520
congressional we should just don't read it i want clint to just read this
01:05:39.120
how long is it i want to see how long it is it's not that long okay
01:05:44.320
oh my god no read crime read crime start at crime all right just
01:05:48.880
oh my god crime you see despite despite the fact that my people are just 30 percent of
01:05:54.240
violation they commit over 52 percent of murders they lose it at the end and i propose implementing
01:06:00.640
the death penalty for any individual who's convicted of multiple felonies this is where
01:06:05.520
they lose it they lost the plot here because they had this they had this like fun thing where
01:06:09.360
it was like this level like maybe it's legit maybe it's not here it's like no you lose it this
01:06:14.240
is this is way more aggro than i thought it was yeah do we need to explain to the uh the
01:06:18.720
listening audience here that this is a congressional candidate who may or may not
01:06:23.040
be real uh named daniel nigger who is for real though read through all these and they're all right
01:06:28.320
on that line where you're it's like believable the 1352 if you like if you didn't know those
01:06:33.600
numbers you would probably be like oh like you just go with it but we obviously we hear they're
01:06:37.200
like oh that's this is bullshit 1352 there's no way it seems plausible it seems like a black
01:06:40.480
dude could have written this you know what i mean yeah but now the last one that last one that
01:06:43.600
really is where like they lost the entire plot they fucked it all up because it's like
01:06:47.280
yeah this is so terrible i'm almost not reading that one i'm not reading they almost pulled it
01:06:54.400
off and then right at the end they fucking lost it like that makes me mad honestly yeah
01:07:01.920
i mean i was a gang member i come from an incredibly poor family and rough background my dad was a gang
01:07:08.000
member and was shot in a drive-by shooting when i was just five years old my mom was a drug addict
01:07:12.480
and died when i was a senior this is like lewis j gomez but despite all that i still made it out here
01:07:16.960
and i'm here running for congress what if this is actually lewis doing this it could be it's time
01:07:22.480
to ensure that children growing up never have to experience what i do it really know what this
01:07:26.080
would 100 make sense to be lewis because like how it fumbled the bag right at the end like you know
01:07:30.960
how lewis gets drunk like have you noticed like there's always those comedy shows he'll do like
01:07:34.480
there's certain shows where if it goes too long and he's been drinking he'll get like he'll just
01:07:39.920
shit the bed he'll just go to trash but he'll be like amazing and then like boom right at the end
01:07:45.360
how is his twitter still up it seems like i think i think because it's real say his name
01:07:52.080
no i think it is because hold on a second hold on clint doesn't want to say the name but don't you
01:07:58.000
worry about it officer sick nigger what uh dan daniel nigger for congress uh we we we endorse him
01:08:06.640
the one time i slip and now it's a clip god damn
01:08:10.960
yay endorses all right oh my god it's all right let's let's move on let's move on
01:08:19.440
i think i do have a couple let's let's finish that with some of the uh because i do have a couple more
01:08:24.480
clips left i think i think there's some more this is just all the shit that like we never watch he's
01:08:28.960
like i'm gonna make these i'm gonna make you watch it because it's great shit like you know what i'm
01:08:33.040
here for it's taking his faggotry and making it to content so whatever yeah oh dicky says that was
01:08:39.280
it yeah there's some yeah that was it well they don't know they're saying it so you're embarrassing
01:08:44.960
us in front of all our friends you're the producer produce yeah so we don't embarrass us in front of
01:08:50.240
all of our friends hey david it's the kids singing what no i i better find a video of a kid
01:08:58.880
singing with a bunch of people and we uh with a bunch of videos we could have segued into the uh
01:09:04.720
the one guy fighting uh three women yeah you know that seems like a good way to go out on it's if we
01:09:09.360
go with that one this guy's always trying to end the show look it's what we got 20 we're just we're
01:09:15.120
in dead water here we got we got we got 20 minutes no we got we got a bunch of other 20 minutes when
01:09:21.200
do we have set times this is one of them we usually go like an hour actually just elizabeth is not
01:09:27.120
kicking me off my son is actually crying and she was just like can you take care of him yeah there
01:09:31.760
you go okay tell her tell her to handle her power power hour dude hour hour and a half baby we always
01:09:39.760
we always go that's why we're not tower power anymore we're tower gang bitch go yeah and handle your
01:09:44.240
business our gang and a half hour i would be back if it's still who's gonna run these clips i don't
01:09:50.880
think there are anymore there are there are numerous
01:09:59.280
dude i can't believe brian mcwilliams would just come in there
01:10:01.520
he really he really walks around one like brian mcwilliams but also like a total nazi
01:10:26.880
yeah he really did it's it's super easy to to pin the white supremacist thing on and also
01:10:30.960
his fighting sounds awkward right he's like pulling these girls
01:10:41.440
that is the face of someone who said white power
01:10:46.480
his head is like a point too it's fucking adorable yeah he looks like a tip of a condom
01:10:51.440
when he tosses that second if you could rewind for a second there yeah that's the best part
01:10:57.120
by far that's the hardest man like he shoved her into the nether realm
01:11:01.840
why did he get involved it's kind of because it was an unfair fight because they're fighting
01:11:06.800
his boom oh man that's this up bitch this is jose's dream this is jose's dream right
01:11:14.000
oh it is i was saying you think you're gonna push her harder dude i don't know that's pretty rough
01:11:19.680
i don't know that's whiplash like a dude dude he is so much bigger than her i can send her so far
01:11:24.960
i think in his like deep in his head he was like when he did that like i think he like didn't realize
01:11:30.160
how little of a bit she was it was like it was like kind of bracing he was gonna put you think he
01:11:34.160
didn't he didn't realize it when he had to like bow down to get to her hips to shove it no it looks
01:11:40.400
like he used full strength and then realized wow well i mean i think have you ever like i don't
01:11:47.120
know wrestled around like play with your wife or something and then you ever check that like you
01:11:52.480
ever because i feel like as men like our reference point is like how we interact with other men like
01:11:57.520
if we were going to fight but like you're not it's not like we've ever like grown up doing sports with
01:12:02.240
women wrestling fighting whatever boxing yeah and it's like so when you do get someone who's
01:12:07.520
literally like 80 pounds lighter than you it throws off your frame of reference it almost
01:12:12.240
be like if you but you got used to shooting on a 10 foot basket and then all of a sudden one day
01:12:16.320
someone threw up at 15 you'd be like you're off like you're you're like no it's the other direction
01:12:20.960
it would be like it's six feet whatever you're just you're used to a certain way it just throws
01:12:27.040
off your frame of reference entirely so i think with someone's like you're that much bigger than like
01:12:31.120
you're wrestled with your like old lady or some shit and like you just realize like i am that much
01:12:35.440
stronger than you like you're not even oh my god i just had the best idea i just had the best idea
01:12:39.440
all right so i want just imagine that that jose just now was a defense attorney for a dude who
01:12:46.560
accidentally killed his wife by by like rough housing that that was his defense right there
01:12:52.400
your honor you ever been shooting on a 10 foot hoop and then it drops down to six feet and then you
01:12:57.200
chuck a bitch and then she dies not guilty your honor he didn't he didn't know his own strength
01:13:02.240
you know what it's not a bad argument if you're like hey you know she's like he
01:13:06.240
fought her and he's always fought dudes and he just wasn't ready for what happens when you fight
01:13:11.360
someone you're that much better than your honor he was a scholar your honor and a genre
01:13:18.480
he threw that one punch how was he supposed to know he had to go down to like 20 power who
01:13:23.920
fucking knew he was at like 60 all right go full screen for us 100 which is very funny to me i'm
01:13:33.040
saying like take the video down um yeah so yeah and we do also have a few other ones that i threw in
01:13:40.160
the spreadsheet too we still have the uh the uh in uh little dicky's uh home state i believe the the
01:13:46.720
guy who got shoved in front of a train we do have that one yeah this your honor she was a woman so
01:13:53.840
yeah so you have to quit what do you expect this is so this is wrong yeah bro oh yeah he's fine
01:14:02.560
there you go this is exactly what's gonna it's like picking up an empty cardboard box you think
01:14:06.320
it's 70 pounds of ground beef in it he's fine just walk it off bro get a wheelchair you're fine
01:14:23.920
so what's the story with this uh we don't have one so i think i think that he was trying to uh
01:14:30.160
get unemployment insurance or a disability rather and it just backfired so uh this is a light rail
01:14:36.400
in minneapolis and two guys were fighting and i assume they were black
01:14:40.800
black for whatever reason what type of shoes is he wearing yeah one of them shoved the other one
01:14:47.680
uh in front of uh the train bummer dude what a rough way to go i remember i remember like uh
01:14:55.520
like the last time i watched regular tv on like a cbs show or some shit and it stuck with me for like
01:15:01.360
fucking 20 years now there was this i don't know if it was like csi or something but this dude or i think
01:15:07.840
it was a yeah it was a dude he gets stuck in a uh in a train station like that and and the train
01:15:14.080
spins his lower uh quadrant or lower half of his body and so he's still alive so they're having a
01:15:21.680
conversation with him and they're like i've seen this in real life shut the fuck up yeah no i was a
01:15:27.840
track worker for like seven years yeah wait how many times um i'm serious i've seen that i've seen
01:15:37.920
with the leg i've seen one time an elevated track just a leg on the ground like yeah sometimes if
01:15:45.440
we're in the area where the people who respond to it we got to go on the tracks cut the power
01:15:48.800
do whatever did you grab the leg and like start playing like soccer actually i was on a site where
01:15:55.360
somebody died too we had to like fucking carry him to the street level because uh fire department
01:16:00.880
wouldn't come down he was a track worker it was crazy it was all right so the the show the show this
01:16:06.240
guy he he gets his lower half totally spun around so it's backwards and he's he's just trapped like
01:16:12.400
that right but his upper torso is above so they bring in his wife and his kids to have a conversation
01:16:16.960
with them before they move the train that's what the entire episode was it was so traumatizing i
01:16:21.840
like i still haven't forgotten what show happens all the time it happens all crazy i don't know it
01:16:27.360
was like csi or some shit they're fucking i don't know shit yeah horrible it was absolutely horrible
01:16:32.640
but uh i'm having ptsd right now but yeah i believe it bro all right pull that on that note guys we'll
01:16:38.000
see you next no no we got uh we got the the donkey thing we got the hand job machine we got the uh
01:16:45.040
uh the uh terms of divorce in medieval times or whatever i don't know whatever you want all right
01:16:58.480
i love it i love the revenge right here this guy's uh smacking that ass
01:17:06.320
oh my god why is this happening this is all twitter right it's gotta be his internet i i i think it's
01:17:17.120
twitter to some extent well i don't think so at all uh well we i think it's a conspiracy
01:17:40.240
the donkey like yeah like runs over him and like bites his leg and drags him by it or something if i
01:17:45.520
remember correctly my favorite part about this is the beginning to the to the middle part of the video
01:17:49.760
because he's acting all tough he's beating up on this donkey and then about five seconds later
01:17:54.560
he's screaming like a bitch it's a beautiful thing he's pounding that ass uh clinton like that like
01:17:59.360
what the fuck is wrong with that kid he's a piece of shit he got i don't know what he deserves
01:18:03.360
some people in these countries fuck donkeys but uh are you familiar with the concept of a donkey
01:18:08.240
punch by the way yeah of course it's the back of the head what are we fucking yeah yeah
01:18:13.200
yeah fucking adults we've experienced it dude yeah okay come on see punch the chicks
01:18:18.480
uh to the back of the head while uh while fucking her then all right you i mean is there any other
01:18:23.280
way okay call me when you grow up toad what the fuck are you talking about
01:18:34.000
well i i was uh i was unaware of the uh the concept until uh even though i thought i thought i knew all
01:18:40.240
the the sex maneuvers the sex terms and i i was unaware of that one until uh until that movie came out uh
01:18:47.840
donkey punch the movie yeah these like young people go on this uh cruise or something and
01:18:55.200
one guy donkey punches one of the chicks and this is a this is a porno that you're talking about i'm
01:19:00.720
pretty sure yeah is this a real movie a little bit research says donkey punch threes i don't know
01:19:09.920
how you didn't just hit that button again top i was waiting i was like perfect comedic movement
01:19:14.160
hit it again what are you talking about no no donkey donkey punch the guy donkey punches a woman and
01:19:21.120
accidentally kills her and then was the title barely legal donkey punch i think i know exactly what you
01:19:26.720
were watching like a bunch of shit happens uh yo go to imdb and search fucking donkey punch i don't
01:19:31.680
believe this motherfucker did you did you see this like did you rent it from blockbuster how did you see
01:19:35.360
this movie um i found out about it i was like yeah that sounds pretty good i'll download it did you
01:19:41.840
jerk off to it um maybe yeah you did i think there were some hot chicks yeah did you jerk off into a
01:19:49.520
condom to it naked in it no no i never do that toad if you ever ask me what a donkey punches again you're
01:19:54.960
fired that was the fucking gayest shit i've ever heard frillo top you need to get a bunch of different
01:19:59.440
soundboard noises that are just weird things that like that that will completely throw toad for a
01:20:04.800
loop when he goes in these long rant stories it's like just weird shit just about that just just you
01:20:10.480
sighing deeply this motherfucker is still talking that's my best top impersonation so anyway uh donkey
01:20:20.560
punch all right i guess i guess i guess dicky's given up on producing the show and it's not going to pull
01:20:28.480
up the imdb all right here we go ready this is he said he said he refused
01:20:37.200
well those those titties are jiggling why do you have to say that
01:20:49.600
i mean it's like in the ballpark i guess but not i wouldn't say ideal no because she looks close
01:20:55.280
what made her what made her win over the other girl like like how sensitive is this like pressure
01:21:00.880
sensitive or i'm pretty sure it's strokes like it it came first i don't know it's paste
01:21:18.000
experience doing it well well he breaks the motherfucker i dude i have so much experience
01:21:24.240
doing it to myself like obviously i would win this um i'm not gonna lie i would have preferred to see
01:21:29.120
the other girl no he just explained your joke again and you let him all did i i didn't god damn it
01:21:34.720
what the fuck are you talking about you said toad would win and then he goes yeah because i have so
01:21:41.200
much experience with myself why toad it's like it's like that was the joke bro wow all right
01:21:46.800
come on dog i'm too autistic for that well well dicky pulls up the next one i i have a special
01:21:51.600
announcement uh miss josey has just got her own show twitter spaces exclusive and uh it's through
01:21:59.360
tim cast so they're gonna have some of the biggest guests in the world she's gonna do it once a week
01:22:03.680
it's gonna be a twitter spaces and if you want to uh see the video version of it you just have
01:22:09.280
why are we looking at total uh if you want to see the video version of it you just have to
01:22:13.840
uh be a subscriber over at tim cast so i just thought that was really cool for her i'm super
01:22:17.440
fucking happy i think i think she's gonna kill it that's like that's like the first that's the first
01:22:22.240
step into uh like making twitter like the podcast space yeah i did yeah spaces that's why i put out
01:22:29.600
the soundboard because i'm like yo if we could do this on you know uh on spaces and try to do something
01:22:34.960
yeah yeah that was sick dude i loved it and yeah i think that she's gonna
01:22:38.640
fucking absolutely crush at it and it's gonna be like and because she's gonna be one of the first
01:22:43.440
it's gonna be huge well yeah i do want to be i do want to say it right because i know
01:22:48.240
and maybe you may have got the vibe that i was like a little bit down it but like i i really actually
01:22:52.720
listened to that spaces later with our like our uh that setup we had like as we did in the uh
01:22:57.920
those aren't aware when we went to the dave smith show we did like a little uh podcast after the show
01:23:02.800
from the parking lot that is actually special content to our locals pull that up again dickie
01:23:09.760
please yo yo nix nix this video anyways it's not funny but anyways uh yeah no it's not yeah we did
01:23:15.280
that uh i was really i was really impressed with the uh quality actually surprising because i listened
01:23:20.000
to it later and it is like there's definitely a lot of possibilities to work with there we just have
01:23:24.240
to obviously plane it a little bit better or what we were doing but it was definitely a good like test
01:23:28.400
run i i thought why would josh smith's 69 420th child talk to us like that kick him out of the
01:23:35.120
fucking locals i mean i know calling us a faggot he said faggot it's uh he called us howdy fellow
01:23:40.560
faggots why would he say that report him report him yeah i'm normally you can call me a faggot
01:23:52.320
pay me enough while you spit in my mouth but yeah he did say fellow so that's nice yeah that uh
01:23:57.840
that uh jerk off game by that i assume that's actually a game it reminds me of you ever play
01:24:02.400
pie face clint you fucked up now we gotta remove this episode it wasn't supposed to announce till
01:24:07.760
july jesus christ we're like uh really no it's i don't know it reminds me of that game that you
01:24:15.360
literally get a pie in the face and tell your friends tell everyone guys a cream pie in the face
01:24:20.480
i don't know this is it clint's face when he realized he got fired from a job that he didn't
01:24:24.480
quite get yet oh by the way keep your mouth close by the way i will be in virginia next thursday
01:24:33.120
through saturday so will you maybe not now we'll see josey just act like me like just uh like like i
01:24:41.440
say i'm starting a podcast but i never really started so this is like the same thing like it's
01:24:45.360
starting but it's not it might not even exist oh i'm thinking about it uh totally while we were having
01:24:52.320
a full-on separate conversation you just kept talking about pie game and pies in the face guys
01:24:57.280
why the fuck would you do that why would you do that why would you talk about pie game what are
01:25:02.480
you talking about i have no idea what are you doing though we're having a fucking totally separate
01:25:07.440
conversation you're just like oh you guys ever hear a pie game it's a fucking pie in the face it's a
01:25:11.600
fucking game with a pie in the face that's not a fucking game toad that's a pie in the face that's
01:25:17.040
what the clowns do are you a clown are you trying to entertain us let him let him finish all right
01:25:22.720
go ahead go ahead what i already did i already had the conversation separately that's it what was
01:25:30.960
the point of it though i have no idea but anyways that's really cool that she has that going you
01:25:36.160
said so it's subscribers only so it's like paywall no no no so it's it's free on spaces but if you
01:25:41.120
want to watch the video version of it it'll be uh subscribers only so that's how it works like on
01:25:45.360
youtube or like paywall i don't know bro don't okay i don't know subscribers to her subscribers
01:25:49.920
to tim the fuck is that i think it's how are you gonna make an official announcement and not come
01:25:54.480
with the details well because i was i was just happy for her because we uh she messaged me about
01:25:59.840
it and i just was like this is so cool she's like that's the last thing i'm gonna tell you in
01:26:03.040
confidence yeah yeah i probably should have asked her if i could have told the story you know what
01:26:09.280
speaking of things in confidence i feel like we should finish the story from the beginning all
01:26:13.040
all right let's do it yeah go ahead i feel like we should let's close with a thing good one good
01:26:17.280
way to end that episode yeah you know what's not a good way to end this episode talking about pie
01:26:21.680
game you fucking asshole pie face is the name of the game you so much you get pie in the face and
01:26:29.440
and in this you know instead of the the pie slapping you in the face it's the cum coming out of the
01:26:34.320
penis i don't know what are you saying i have no idea what i'm saying so anyway everyone's at my house
01:26:42.640
right and we find the panties and my my wife notices like there's a little bit of crust on
01:26:47.680
these panties or some kind of goop and i was like yeah so then she was like so so i i said like
01:26:54.320
better on these panties go on yeah maybe it was from who are they who are they and she said can we
01:26:59.520
say names or should we not it doesn't matter i would rather not i don't even know their their names
01:27:05.040
so all right it could be one person and she's like no but she's like a little bit bigger but then my
01:27:09.760
my aunt told me my aunt told me that she was like well during the comedy show there were two girls
01:27:14.720
running up and down giggling to the room so i was like who and she told me who and then they were
01:27:19.760
running up to that room where we found the panties so i was like oh so the one girl we thought those
01:27:25.360
panties might have been to the the underwear was too tight the glass slipper didn't fit but the second
01:27:30.560
girl maybe and here's the problem with the second girl everybody noticed she didn't have panties on
01:27:36.800
right from the beginning of the day so this is a conundrum where they came from who they came from
01:27:43.280
what was going on in this room we don't know we've asked everybody and we can't get a
01:27:48.240
fucking straight answer i asked her to her face on saturday right and she just laughed so i'm like
01:27:54.080
no no she said she said i don't think so but i cannot deny it fully because i was drinking heavily
01:28:00.880
that's what she said which i really wish we could say names and the relationships that we have to
01:28:06.080
these people because that adds such another dynamic that's part of why i didn't even want to bring it
01:28:10.240
up but you can say the the relationship just don't say the names okay well one of them was someone's
01:28:15.600
girlfriend and so we're alluding to that like the two chicks may have fucked and it's just hilarious
01:28:20.960
because it's one of the people's here's previous girlfriend so it's like yo did you fuck my girl
01:28:25.600
so that's like kind of they they swap panties and they spit all over them with their pussies
01:28:31.760
previous girlfriend three are married one's a virgin
01:28:38.240
and then also keep in mind my incredible fear of the the craziness for the first time this brought
01:28:43.360
up so i think you can narrow down you know crazy woman my favorite
01:28:49.600
so my favorite part of this though is that i think it's like it's like almost
01:28:53.760
what was it six months later that it was a while later yeah that topper or one of these
01:28:57.840
motherfuckers calls me up and is like like yo man actually calls me oh that's right that's right
01:29:03.200
and then i called me right away you have called me as well so
01:29:07.040
you did call me right away that's true you did call me right here's the thing so so cole and and
01:29:11.840
elizabeth called me right away about toad story you told me that like right away maybe within like
01:29:17.040
two weeks and i the same for you i don't know why we have this connection here me and cole but i'd be
01:29:21.600
calling him with the juice man get elizabeth on the phone what happened here we were doing
01:29:28.400
forensics it's crazy yeah dna tests this is this is what fucking bothers me though they don't tell me
01:29:36.800
right away they fucking they sit on this story for like six months and then top calls me and he's like
01:29:41.200
hey man i don't know i don't know how to bring this up and he's like he's all he's like being really
01:29:46.160
respectful and sensitive about it and i just as soon as he tells me what it is i'm like oh bro don't
01:29:50.640
even whatever like i don't fucking care at all like maybe they did well you were like that would
01:29:57.040
be hot no no way this girl could wear size small panties now if if i caught my if i caught my boy's
01:30:04.640
girl and she was cheating on him with another guy i have to tell him right away but if my girl my boy's
01:30:10.160
girl with another girl i'm like is this cheating like if you catch your buddy's uh chick fucking
01:30:21.760
another dude you assume that he's not cool with that like you know that there's a clear line now
01:30:27.760
if there's some shit going on with another chick you're like well i don't know maybe they have some
01:30:31.920
weird thing going on like you're like for the record i get involved for the record in here can
01:30:37.440
i jerk off somewhere we did not have a weird open relationship or anything like that and it would
01:30:42.320
like at the time it probably would have bothered me if that's what happened but it's not what
01:30:46.000
happened i really don't i really don't believe that's what happened because that those panties
01:30:49.200
according to you they're really small homegirl's not rocking any underwear like
01:30:53.280
she's just like she just carries around a pair of panties so that when she
01:30:56.240
some dude's chick she just drops the panties there you talked about this we have i remember
01:31:00.720
having this conversation you know legit is like women do that shit with the like it's almost like
01:31:04.720
a like i mixed my labor with it this and now it's my property type you know like did your
01:31:09.440
ex-boyfriend wear really small underwear is that your territory no not no that's what i mean
01:31:14.880
yeah like like you would see the weird part was and i want to say i don't know if you've told
01:31:19.440
this before oh you mean like g-string shit no no like tight on them like doesn't fit them but like
01:31:25.040
it'll it'll squeeze them i've seen that girls do that no no i don't know if this was mentioned
01:31:29.680
yet but that the panties were found inside the the bedding it wasn't just like on the floor
01:31:36.720
look look there's a reason to connect easers and she held it up to the light there was a reason to
01:31:41.200
connect the dots to perhaps me and my girl because it was in the bed that i slept in so like i understand
01:31:47.520
the logic the funny part is that he actually did sleep in that
01:31:50.240
i think i think that's what happened i think the pain yeah that's definitely unless i mean
01:31:59.600
unless it happens in the morning i mean and you slept like cole everybody left by the time you
01:32:05.520
woke up everyone's gone yeah i slept yeah i forgot about it i clipped like it's such dude we went to
01:32:12.080
bed at like three i'm not waking up at seven like i don't even understand how people do that how you guys
01:32:16.080
party and then wake up super early and just like go rian and i were both out of there like four
01:32:21.760
do you want to say that we're thinking about or we're gonna save that what what we're planning
01:32:27.360
you're thinking about oh i guess i thought we were doing it oh and the other girl involved in this is
01:32:31.840
also robbie's side piece so let's just put it out there
01:32:35.440
i mean she doesn't care we talked about she knows it doesn't matter we're not saying any names
01:32:53.760
like this weekend i i don't know it like i immediately forgot i was like whatever i do know
01:32:57.840
it but i'm not gonna say it that's for sure is it bernitha
01:33:06.960
i don't know yeah oh you just saw her didn't you or was she not there this no she was there
01:33:12.640
at the comedy place but i i don't i didn't look what she was wearing the shorts that don't cover
01:33:16.320
her i'm a respectful man look look when i meet any of your your my my guys girls i don't even know
01:33:22.960
i don't even notice if they have i don't even notice what they i don't know i don't know what they
01:33:26.640
look like i don't know i don't remember their names i don't know what the fuck clothes they're
01:33:30.560
wearing nothing i don't know shit clint is a top g man he's a fucking they're dead to me
01:33:35.760
i wish they were dead so i could have you all to myself
01:33:45.120
i just wish that all of your wives would die so i can have you all to myself
01:33:54.080
i still don't know if jose actually has a wife because she is never included in anything that has
01:33:58.640
happened she's not real she doesn't like i'm telling you i think top is starting to see the
01:34:05.200
light of the married ones you're you're like you're in this retarded early marriage spot
01:34:10.640
tops like cresting where he's like seeing the light don't get your
01:34:14.320
involved in your shit just don't like they it up that's all they do like doesn't mean you don't love
01:34:19.680
them they're great she's awesome i like hanging out with her we have our own time together i don't
01:34:28.080
what if the big twist of tower gang is that that uh clint isn't isn't the obvious fed what if it was
01:34:33.840
was jose the whole time he'd be so glad he couldn't be oh my god
01:34:43.840
wow because i'm telling you like there's been multiple opportunities where his wife could be
01:34:48.880
could could have met us could have been there every time he's like you and i don't want her to
01:34:53.920
your wife's gonna have to show bob for for me to believe that she's real
01:34:57.920
i mean i i told her that she's gonna have to come to one of these things soon but because it's like
01:35:01.840
yes she's like no way it is very much like any woman is going like i don't care you go
01:35:08.240
have a weekend to yourself with you oh no she's very much like what the
01:35:12.240
fuck like like she's not like just go off for a week we are we are 27 we're 27 months deep into
01:35:19.040
the show and none of us have ever seen her i just only met each other a few times i've met you a
01:35:27.760
jose's ex-military probably if we're gonna be honest but he's ex-military and he knows way too
01:35:33.760
much about okc yeah there's a lot of there's a lot of stuff going on here limited hangout jose
01:35:40.400
limited hangout the cia did it that's quite a limited hangout
01:35:45.840
the cia killed you all killed the 170 ish people all right since you guys didn't want to do it i'm just
01:35:51.360
gonna do it so i'm or we'll end with this i'm pitching fucking uh coors light ad campaigns
01:35:56.800
oh yeah to try and recover their brand we like our beard just like we like our women
01:36:03.520
light never dark but light but light for when you need something to set your cross on fire
01:36:10.480
no there's no there's no setting on fire i feel like if i was supposed to come up with a little
01:36:23.360
like advertising pitch that's not on the fly thing you need to tell me about this ahead of time okay
01:36:29.600
black people never get subway in the middle of winter and then have someone run up on them and
01:36:34.400
say this is mega country but when they do they drink bud light what do you need a nice ice cold
01:36:41.360
bottle to smash over a black person's head but that's right the only thing they can do right now
01:36:47.440
to save themselves is like uh endorse trump and like like like behind trump is just like bud light signs
01:36:52.880
and stuff i think that's the only way you can get people to forget because like trump people are kind
01:36:57.120
of dumb like that uh remember uh budweiser uh the company created by a bunch of
01:37:04.240
germans they hate the jews but light jesus christ you are so autistic you thought that
01:37:10.960
like you just like said like i don't just like there wasn't like any sort of
01:37:16.480
i don't even know how to explain that was just like no performance there what's incredible it was
01:37:20.080
just i'm saying the the actual ingredients of the the joke and just saying it like as opposed to
01:37:25.440
actually formulating in any way i love the i love the thought that toad has all the ingredients
01:37:31.600
to every joke it's just that he comes out like i always have all the ingredients and i don't know
01:37:38.240
how to uh cook i don't know how to season his jokes that's exactly he's a white person let me all
01:37:45.280
right let me cook for you toad um i'm watching hold on hold on uh the preferred beverage of the third
01:37:52.960
rack based bud light it's just quick just quick yeah hammer it up fair enough i really think you
01:37:59.600
could i mean you'd be like when it bud light for when you need an excuse for whenever you grab them by
01:38:04.320
the pussy i feel like you gotta i was i would i would drink bud light that would be the most
01:38:13.280
awesome heel turn just like hard right like shit exploding everything has like kid rock in the
01:38:18.160
commercial yeah i'm gonna drink this i don't give a i legit don't give a fuck i would still just as
01:38:22.640
likely buy bud light if i wanted to although i don't promise like i don't i don't like the taste
01:38:26.800
of bud light i don't know if they had kick-ass right-wing commercials would you wouldn't buy one
01:38:32.160
which you'd like when your boys yeah look at this is the brand like this is the brand i know this is
01:38:36.160
actually this is actually gay the only thing i would like is the bud light seltzers like i really i just
01:38:41.600
had a really good idea guys if bud light wants to recover their brand and let's be honest they're on the ropes
01:38:48.160
there is one comedy podcast on earth you could sponsor right now that would really turn things
01:38:53.600
around you're watching it i'd be fucking hilarious if we if we became the bud light sponsored but
01:39:02.480
that's true they could go the total opposite way they could completely lean i'm not gonna lie
01:39:07.680
i've actually like the last couple times i've gone to the grocery store i've looked in the beer aisle
01:39:12.480
to see how much the bud light is because i was like i kept hearing it's super cheap and i'm like
01:39:16.800
well i mean i don't even really like my life but if it's like dirt cheap like i don't know they
01:39:22.240
were giving away here uh like certificates to refund or whatever i didn't see no shit it was normal
01:39:28.000
price no deals no nothing i was like the fuck this was there was it was there a ton of it there was
01:39:32.320
it like it was funny yeah okay but i'm like was there more of it than the other brands i don't know i
01:39:37.680
wasn't comparing and contrasting i mean well that's the whole reason you should look i didn't give a
01:39:43.120
he's a fed he's fucking lying i just want cheap beer and there wasn't i walked away i didn't ever
01:39:48.080
like it i was in bj's the other day and i did remember i forgot to tell you i saw a short-haired
01:39:54.080
lesbian with like short khaki shorts on and flip-flops and she was like defiantly pushing like just one
01:40:00.160
case of course light or whatever that shit is bud light in in her carriage after she bought it it was
01:40:04.320
like like she's like i'm oh she was the target audience she was yeah she doesn't even want that
01:40:10.320
shit she did she just got thrown away whatever what nationality what nationality was she white
01:40:15.360
fucking white what do you mean oh she was white russian probably no no but that's not even true
01:40:19.840
though i think because uh don't the lesbians hate the trans yes yeah i think they did mom they're
01:40:26.080
women no but i think women just hate all women yeah yeah i mean oh that's true clint that was pretty
01:40:33.360
good that's fair i mean honestly they're real women so they're real women because women hate them
01:40:40.400
that's how you know we proved it we proved it yeah all right you ready to sign off on this one
01:40:46.000
they're not sending their best but like we're out i like the idea of keeping on dragging jose into deep
01:40:51.920
water just like like everyone here's tired but we're like fuck you jose until he loses his mind and
01:40:57.600
just logs off that's right keep milking this cow it's all out of milk
01:41:03.360
yeah uh this is clint ruff will be locked down go subscribe to liberty lock down i will hopefully
01:41:08.080
uh so stay tuned you're muffled yeah i don't know what happened whenever the music comes on
01:41:16.880
and clint goes he's muffled right away yeah you need to like wait for the audio all right do you do your
01:41:21.680
plugs again all right liberty lockdown i will be headed to virginia next thursday through saturday
01:41:26.720
you may see me on irl we'll find out and hopefully i'm signing on with tim cas but make sure in the
01:41:31.360
meantime that you get me to 14 000 fucking subscribers because i've been frozen at 13
01:41:35.120
nine for like a goddamn month let's go bitch oh yeah uh you can catch me uh i don't even care
01:41:42.640
don't don't follow me on any of my socials i just want to plug josie's new podcast that's going to be
01:41:46.400
coming out on uh spaces i think maybe merch engine at merch engine.com oh no we're plugging josie guys
01:41:53.440
josie's having a podcast go check that out don't worry she's more important than all of us let's go
01:41:58.000
yeah that's it it's gonna be great she's gonna have the biggest people the biggest shows tim
01:42:01.360
castle all that stuff all right who's next uh jose galison of the no way jose show um on youtube
01:42:07.120
all major all podcasts obviously as well on friday i'll be going on pat gray's show uh pat
01:42:12.480
gray unleashed i believe uh part of like a three-part presentation where uh you know there's charles key
01:42:20.160
one of uh timothy mcveigh's uh lawyers and me will all be giving like a big old okc presentation
01:42:25.600
it's kind of a big deal it's a blaze network show uh yeah it's really cool uh it's also on
01:42:30.400
radio so pretty dope yeah it's one of those ones you're like huh who's that guy and when you look
01:42:34.640
and you're like oh shit he's been around for a long time and he actually has kind of a big audience
01:42:38.400
it's wild i'm just weird i'm happy for you you're gonna crush it no i i'm the same way i was like who
01:42:42.640
the fuck is this guy and i looked at him like oh yeah he was like a long time go host uh fucking he's
01:42:47.440
from the old radio days and you're like oh shit it's actually a big dog but all right yeah sleeping on him
01:42:52.560
but oh yeah that's all i got absolutely back on twitter um and then go follow ron desantis he's
01:42:57.920
gonna uh he's killing it man he's killing it that's right josh every time i read that i get
01:43:02.880
fucking pissed off yeah yeah yeah i'll be on glenn next week all right who says howdy what the
01:43:09.600
fuck you might be tone on twitter i am on jose's show i believe tomorrow night continuing our hop
01:43:15.760
uh live reading so uh check that out i think tyler's being facetious with you he's a dick like that
01:43:21.200
tyler he's never been sincere in his life that's the first time incredible i'm his favorite go
01:43:27.760
subscribe to the tower gang locals we're on locals now we're towering pod everywhere but it's tower
01:43:32.720
gang dot locals.com hey hey seriously though you guys need to give us more money okay because like
01:43:38.320
this is this isn't a fucking charity event we are here bleeding for you i want every single night
01:43:44.080
locals.com tower gang pod or something you need to sign up we're gonna use this money and you need
01:43:51.440
to give us money to go meet each other in yeah we're gonna get that money we're gonna get that
01:43:56.240
money and then we're gonna fucking fly to the same place together we're gonna invite you in grace to
01:44:01.440
hang out with us yeah that's what we're gonna do more money actually that would be a great whoever is
01:44:05.600
the highest supporter so get an invite my house that would actually be a good idea depending on who
01:44:11.920
you are maybe yeah we'll be like no you know who's the second highest all right unless you're josh
01:44:17.440
smith's 69 420th child then we'll invite you yeah yeah fuck that guy little dick take us out with random
01:44:24.400
please yeah dylan mulvaney he's just gonna commit suicide anyway bud line it's the tower power hour
01:44:30.400
slut no way jose liberty lockdown plint reed cole top lobster and toad tower gang tower gang tower
01:44:46.320
gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang liberty lock is truth say same with lobster
01:44:51.840
cole and jose toad is sick no way jose the tower power hour they made day spent all his tower gang
01:44:58.800
tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang
01:45:04.800
they speak courage you spend more than rogan you fed you fed truth bomb weather tim cast hotel
01:45:11.280
more offensive los no disrespect more offensive than ls no disrespect yes redhead libertarian is their
01:45:18.080
best friend unless they get raided then they never met never met none of this should be new to me
01:45:23.280
clint is a sexual brood to me sorry no booster seat get them tall boots on you not a mission
01:45:27.440
fuck every podcast that won't soup to me libertarian won't be the same day revolutiony that's a word
01:45:32.320
i miss grammar and send it to rhyme dubitably that to promote myself on their shot stupidly comedy
01:45:37.680
philosophy mark random.com user free random i'm single lady so please choose me they scream tower gang
01:45:43.840
worldwide tower gang rise together we will overthrow tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang
01:45:50.240
liberty lock is truth say same with lobster colon jose toad is sick no way jose if you read i ride jose
01:46:00.480
with jose pay me dates with all his fame tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang
01:46:06.320
game tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang tower gang