Tower Gang - Ep 129 - Jimmy No-Hands

00:00:00.000 Asshole, let's do it.

00:00:03.240 What's up, retards?

00:00:05.180 I'm trying to start a cult here, baby.

00:00:06.880 So I can only fit a third of my dick into Toad's...

00:00:09.800 ...mussy.

00:00:11.880 You wanna kill me or you wanna give me a boner?

00:00:14.600 I don't know.

00:00:15.560 When I say fuck the Jews, it means I'm horny.

00:00:18.940 Woe is me, I'm retarded.

00:00:21.180 Have you guys ever had the mythical where they put the whole thing in and then do that shit where they're...

00:00:24.760 The three of you had a threesome of some kind.

00:00:28.700 I was watching it and jerking off.

00:00:33.040 You fucking asshole.

00:00:35.600 Toad's on fire!

00:00:36.940 He was a 10 in real life.

00:00:38.360 She's like a dead 8.

00:00:41.900 Louis, you're like a brother to me.

00:00:43.280 Donald Trump, come on Tower Gang.

00:00:45.260 That is fine.

00:00:45.740 Tower Gang is the most offensive podcast.

00:00:48.300 Fat Dave, fuck you, man.

00:00:55.300 It's not what this show is about.

00:00:57.140 This shit is retarded.

00:00:57.940 He caught me off guard with that fucking kick, man.

00:01:05.120 It's 9-11 on a Wednesday and you know what that means, bitch?

00:01:07.920 It's Tower Gang.

00:01:08.940 I'm backing this motherfucker.

00:01:10.720 I was in California last weekend.

00:01:12.280 As always, we are joined by the black African himself.

00:01:14.940 Crying like a little bitch, too.

00:01:16.580 I don't know what that means.

00:01:18.120 Oh, because I've met my niece.

00:01:19.580 Yeah.

00:01:19.920 The black African.

00:01:21.400 Toad.

00:01:22.040 He's here.

00:01:22.980 He's also an expert on COVID, apparently.

00:01:25.040 Mario in the fall.

00:01:25.900 What are you doing with your life?

00:01:27.580 Dude, I got to find out how the fuck that happened.

00:01:29.320 For real.

00:01:30.420 I was probing him in the pre-chat.

00:01:32.500 I was like, so what really happened?

00:01:33.840 And he just gave me more bullshit.

00:01:35.380 I don't even know if I want to cover it on the show.

00:01:37.300 Dude, I was looking at all the other fucking guests or whatever, or the speakers.

00:01:41.640 And they were all like 80K plus followers with credentials.

00:01:45.560 And then just Toad.

00:01:46.860 I mean, Toad.

00:01:47.440 He was 7,000 counts.

00:01:48.660 Dr. Robert Malone.

00:01:49.900 Robert Malone.

00:01:50.620 Dr. Drew.

00:01:50.660 And Dr. Drew Pinsky.

00:01:51.900 And then Dr. Toad.

00:01:53.920 Who do you think is more qualified to talk about any given subject?

00:01:58.400 Toad talking about COVID or Jose talking about OKC?

00:02:01.800 Yeah.

00:02:02.160 Jose.

00:02:03.080 I bet Toad is way more confident.

00:02:06.420 I bet when Toad is talking, he's just going to come in there.

00:02:07.860 I don't know if that's a good thing.

00:02:10.480 Yeah.

00:02:11.060 Dude, I went in there with a fucking cocksure attitude.

00:02:13.580 I was shooting down that fucking big pharma shill.

00:02:17.460 Dude, I'll be honest.

00:02:18.600 When I was in, you did good.

00:02:19.820 Whatever the fuck that bitch's name was, I was like, fuck you.

00:02:22.480 You're in vaccine.

00:02:22.960 I wasn't listening, but I would check on it.

00:02:25.540 And every time Toad was not talking, but every time his hand was up to talk.

00:02:29.420 And so I was just like, oh, they're just never going to let him talk.

00:02:31.720 And he's just going to be like, teacher, teacher.

00:02:33.120 I think he talked one or two times.

00:02:34.800 It was Chad.

00:02:35.980 They did a little bit.

00:02:36.620 Like his response to that lady, some white woman that was like pro-vaccine.

00:02:39.700 He didn't say fuck you though, did he?

00:02:41.600 No, he just chimed in and he goes, you know what, Linda, you're a shill, but I'm asking

00:02:46.900 a different question.

00:02:47.720 And just completely changed the subject.

00:02:49.240 And I was like, that's the boy.

00:02:50.300 Everyone else was arguing with this bitch.

00:02:52.280 No, no, no.

00:02:53.320 I said, Liza, you're a big pharma shill.

00:02:56.100 Then I said to Dr. Heather Mullins, I was like, you're in Boston.

00:02:59.560 Hit me up.

00:03:00.580 And then I changed the subject.

00:03:02.360 And then he changed the subject.

00:03:03.760 It was like the most check.

00:03:04.380 That's awesome.

00:03:05.000 If he was in the same room with this bitch, he just sort of took her face and said, just

00:03:08.560 mushed her face and just kept walking.

00:03:10.400 The thing is, Toad's been putting on some Chadly like vibes ever since Porkfest.

00:03:15.120 I don't know.

00:03:15.520 We all, like all of us in our chat were like, Toad, stop.

00:03:19.540 He was going like.

00:03:20.300 Did you brush by a titty at Porkfest?

00:03:22.480 What happened?

00:03:22.920 He just caught a whiff of some old pussy and was like.

00:03:26.480 He was chilling in the nudist tent.

00:03:29.000 I actually, I had an experience in the old man handjob hot tub in the adult area.

00:03:36.480 He can never be serious.

00:03:38.240 He can never be serious.

00:03:39.020 Toad, did you get your dick licked by a girl or a guy at Porkfest?

00:03:43.380 Just yes or no?

00:03:43.880 Sounds like you got jerked off by an old dude is what it sounds like to me.

00:03:46.940 Did you?

00:03:47.440 He jerked himself off.

00:03:48.420 Um, no, my, uh, monster Chad energy is mostly from, uh, the fact that I am now running for

00:03:56.900 president.

00:03:57.280 Oh God, this is stupid.

00:03:58.000 Oh my God.

00:04:00.300 I'm literally gonna punch you in the face if you keep talking.

00:04:03.900 It's so stupid.

00:04:05.380 This, yo, Tower Gang in the last couple of weeks has been so retarded on like, like you

00:04:09.540 got Jose doing like appearances on huge shows.

00:04:11.940 Clint's getting a job with Tim Cass.

00:04:13.660 Like I'm doing other shit.

00:04:15.000 Like Cole's making viral tweets and now Toad is running for president.

00:04:19.440 Yo, somebody is trolling.

00:04:20.720 And he's being serious about it too.

00:04:22.400 He's like, no, I'm, I'm really, you know, well, and I was on, uh, yeah, Mario in the

00:04:27.340 fall space as well.

00:04:29.060 So, dude, you can't, you're also, uh, Friday, if you want to tell people.

00:04:33.640 Oh yeah.

00:04:34.260 What's his name?

00:04:34.860 I forget his name.

00:04:35.580 Elijah Schaefer.

00:04:36.540 Elijah Schaefer.

00:04:37.340 I had to look him up again in the pre-check because I never watch his show.

00:04:40.600 How, how much funnier are we than him?

00:04:43.060 Oh, I hope he watches this.

00:04:45.000 I'm going to clip it and maybe play it on the show.

00:04:46.900 Probably.

00:04:47.460 I mean, what are we measuring on a scale of like, like how many times or if he's one to

00:04:52.020 tower gang, where's he at?

00:04:53.240 One to tower gang.

00:04:55.300 We're always above everybody.

00:04:58.180 On that scale, he's, he's at slurp gang.

00:05:00.960 So that's like, that's like a negative five.

00:05:08.640 Don't explain the joke to it.

00:05:09.920 I mean, listen, they're already dead.

00:05:11.760 You don't have to take the extra shot like that.

00:05:13.220 Yeah.

00:05:13.560 What the hell, Toad?

00:05:14.420 That's just me, man.

00:05:15.480 Like, we're, yeah.

00:05:16.000 I didn't even like this.

00:05:16.920 I'm like, I feel like we're kicking a corpse here.

00:05:18.320 Yeah.

00:05:18.480 You're pissing on graves right now.

00:05:21.300 This is like, dude, I'll do it.

00:05:24.280 Fuck slurp gang.

00:05:24.980 Speaking of pissing on graves, Cole, you talked about fucking babysitting.

00:05:29.820 Dude, I'll do it.

00:05:31.340 These are fucking people.

00:05:33.000 We're so fucking back, baby.

00:05:34.800 Dude, we're so back.

00:05:36.360 So back.

00:05:37.060 Like, and like with a, with a vengeance.

00:05:38.520 No sex scandals.

00:05:39.420 This is a funny shit ever.

00:05:41.220 Come on.

00:05:41.480 94% of people chose Nazis.

00:05:45.000 Oh my.

00:05:45.800 Do we have that, do we have that dramatic like, rollout video?

00:05:49.500 Oh, dude, you got it.

00:05:50.460 Yo, drop it, drop it in the chat.

00:05:52.560 Cole, drop it in the chat for Dickie.

00:05:53.780 Cause we got to run that shit.

00:05:54.920 Oh, no, there was like, I want to roll it out dramatically with the, like.

00:06:03.240 Oh, you're talking about the one, the, the music.

00:06:05.160 Yeah.

00:06:05.520 Yeah.

00:06:05.680 Send that in the chat.

00:06:06.320 You know, you know the one.

00:06:07.360 I'll drop it in the chat.

00:06:08.600 I got it.

00:06:08.980 Yeah, please do that, too.

00:06:09.720 But like, dude, it was crazy because I just saw, so I'll say it.

00:06:13.480 Like, I technically stole the tweet, but I was like, I saw something on Instagram.

00:06:18.460 Technically stole.

00:06:20.080 Technically stole.

00:06:20.960 He was like, I admit, he admits the plagiarism.

00:06:24.260 It's like, well, this shit we've been accusing him of.

00:06:26.040 We've been like, told you not, I mean, Cole, you're not funny anymore.

00:06:28.160 You're not funny anymore.

00:06:28.860 And he's like, first thing he says, does something funny.

00:06:30.540 He's like, I admit it.

00:06:31.420 I, I stole it.

00:06:32.920 Cole's like, I want to start off with, uh, tweets are not copyrighted.

00:06:37.820 Now you can't blame it because I did send the picture to our chat and I said, this is

00:06:42.660 kind of funny, but it was, someone had done a poll in like a small little group and it

00:06:47.440 was, it was Nazis and just, um, homosexuals.

00:06:50.660 And I was like, well, I'm going to see what trainees will do.

00:06:53.040 And then it did numbers.

00:06:56.640 But I will say my comedic chops were going off in the replies.

00:07:01.740 Cause in the comments, people were being retarded.

00:07:05.080 There were some funny fucking people in the replies.

00:07:07.800 So wait up.

00:07:08.460 This actually goes back to the Elijah Schaefer thing.

00:07:10.400 Cause he, he commented on your shit and that's part of why it started to blow up.

00:07:13.620 Oh, it just blew.

00:07:14.320 Yeah.

00:07:14.420 Why do you hit you up though?

00:07:15.440 Top, do you know?

00:07:16.720 I don't know.

00:07:17.260 But I told him, I made it clear.

00:07:18.720 I made it very clear to him or whoever runs that account.

00:07:21.000 I said, I will only go on if my boyfriend can come with me.

00:07:24.560 And they were like, well, who's that?

00:07:26.180 And I was like, he did this tweet and I sent it.

00:07:28.440 They were like, um, maybe I was like, he's, he's really, he has big muscles.

00:07:31.480 They were like, all right, fine.

00:07:32.140 Put him on.

00:07:32.780 I was ready to walk away from that shit.

00:07:35.240 I don't give a fuck.

00:07:35.780 Run this.

00:07:36.940 Cole's tweet did more numbers than the Holocaust.

00:07:38.920 Did it?

00:07:41.340 No, not even by the Holocaust.

00:07:42.400 My tweet did.

00:07:44.200 Turn it all up.

00:07:44.920 Turn it all up.

00:07:45.440 You got it.

00:07:47.960 So fucking brilliant.

00:07:49.480 Who would you rather have babysit your children?

00:08:00.020 Oh, he's at 92%.

00:08:01.420 Oh, we're off.

00:08:02.140 We're off YouTube now.

00:08:05.800 Oh, yeah.

00:08:06.420 I didn't even think of that.

00:08:07.040 We're fucked.

00:08:08.920 Nazis are awful.

00:08:10.140 Yeah.

00:08:10.460 These are bad.

00:08:11.700 The Nazis are the worst.

00:08:14.220 Yeah, but they had some good points, though.

00:08:17.020 But they're not the worst babysitters.

00:08:18.940 I'll give them that.

00:08:21.960 Oh, man.

00:08:22.860 Yeah, Jake Shields.

00:08:23.740 I got a follow from Jake Shields out of this.

00:08:26.420 Let me read what Jake says.

00:08:27.600 He says, I wouldn't leave my kid with either.

00:08:29.380 But if forced to pick, I'm going with who I think is less likely to try and fuck my kid.

00:08:35.320 It's so savage, dude.

00:08:36.900 He doesn't give a fuck.

00:08:40.280 It's so funny because everybody's just like, yeah, of course.

00:08:46.440 Dude, my favorite reply was the one where he's like, what's the worst that's going to happen to the Nazis?

00:08:51.240 Are you going to learn some cool World War II history facts?

00:08:53.180 Dude, well, if you were at, you know, like Auschwitz, and I was, obviously, at the time, the Nazis had all these, like, theater productions and all this, like, solid entertainment.

00:09:04.400 They never would have put on a drag queen story hour.

00:09:07.560 Nope.

00:09:07.840 God damn it.

00:09:09.640 I'm just letting it sit a little bit.

00:09:11.940 Wait, guys.

00:09:12.600 Just let it marinate.

00:09:13.300 You hear that noise?

00:09:15.040 You know what that means?

00:09:16.580 It's mailbag time.

00:09:17.740 Everybody, it's mailbag time.

00:09:19.020 Buckle up.

00:09:19.780 Little diggy.

00:09:20.340 I had a couple more things.

00:09:25.180 Oh, you want to go ahead?

00:09:25.920 Wait a minute.

00:09:26.400 Let them finish.

00:09:28.380 No, because there was a bunch of funny things that happened with this.

00:09:31.540 One.

00:09:33.140 Is this a dude teabagging somebody?

00:09:35.620 What's happening here?

00:09:36.800 You know the fucking video, bro.

00:09:38.320 Last week, you saw it, man.

00:09:39.880 Oh, God.

00:09:40.500 I hate you, Joe.

00:09:41.000 No, I couldn't see anything.

00:09:42.560 It was two weeks ago.

00:09:44.540 Whatever.

00:09:45.020 Whenever we did it.

00:09:45.640 But, oh, no, the funniest part was, like, one, I understand now why malice, like, blocks

00:09:51.200 so many people because it is just inundated with neithers and I would just take my kid

00:09:57.560 with me.

00:09:58.120 Like, no shit, stupid fucking bitch.

00:10:00.340 Like, yeah, you're going to take your kid.

00:10:01.640 It was hypothetical.

00:10:02.500 Where you have a brain, what do you do?

00:10:04.700 I'm not going to go on that dinner date with my husband if that's the case.

00:10:08.940 I'm going to choose a friend of mine instead.

00:10:11.960 Dude, it is crazy to me that, and I'm, like, super autistic and it's so crazy.

00:10:15.640 It's so crazy to me that so many people would not be able to answer that.

00:10:17.880 I don't think it's an autism thing.

00:10:19.120 The breakfast question.

00:10:19.940 I think it's literally, like, these people have.

00:10:20.840 How dare you even bring this up?

00:10:23.680 Like, how would you feel if you didn't eat breakfast?

00:10:25.920 What does that mean?

00:10:26.680 What does it mean?

00:10:27.700 Can somebody explain this to me?

00:10:28.880 Because I'm looking at it and laughing like I get it.

00:10:31.300 I don't get it.

00:10:32.220 I don't know what the reference is.

00:10:33.700 What reference?

00:10:34.960 Would you eat breakfast?

00:10:36.280 Did you eat breakfast?

00:10:36.940 What does this mean?

00:10:37.340 Oh, oh.

00:10:37.920 So that's based on a red, no, it was a 4chan thread about how this guy was like, hey, I did

00:10:45.360 studies in prison for prison, like, inmates that were less than 80 IQ.

00:10:52.780 And what we found out is that if you have, like, under 80 IQ, you cannot actually, they

00:10:59.420 were like, they can't sink in hypotheticals.

00:11:01.760 Like, it's impossible for them to think.

00:11:03.200 So, like, they'd be like, oh.

00:11:05.140 Did they just be that retarded?

00:11:06.920 Yeah, yeah.

00:11:07.480 It was like, they can't actually.

00:11:08.460 Because their brain can't grasp the concept.

00:11:10.520 They can't think in higher, like, in higher orders.

00:11:13.600 So, like, they'll be like.

00:11:15.080 These are the motherfuckers that have no inner voice.

00:11:17.440 Yeah.

00:11:17.780 Yes.

00:11:18.280 And they would actually ask them to be like, how would you feel if you didn't eat breakfast

00:11:21.580 today?

00:11:22.080 And they would just answer back, like, but I did eat breakfast today.

00:11:24.880 They're like, no, but, like, if you didn't, like, how would you feel after that?

00:11:28.180 And they're like, no, no, but I did eat breakfast today, so I don't know how I would.

00:11:32.340 So, but there's, like, it's a whole thread.

00:11:35.000 And it's really funny because there's some, like.

00:11:36.800 Dude, they're like, what's the name of the character?

00:11:39.460 Not the Groot guy, but the one that's all literal all the time.

00:11:42.380 Drax.

00:11:42.880 Oh, you're Drax, yeah.

00:11:43.920 Yeah, they're like Drax.

00:11:45.380 Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:47.340 It's funny because, like, how we found a different way to say nigger was, like, chicken washers.

00:11:51.640 These people found a different way to say retarded, which is, did you, how would you feel?

00:11:55.500 It's a long way to say it, but I do like it.

00:11:58.000 Like, why reply?

00:12:00.980 Just scroll.

00:12:01.820 Just fucking scroll.

00:12:03.620 Wait, this is the craziest thing.

00:12:04.760 But the better part is, like, now it's been shifted over and it's reached Tranny and gay Twitter.

00:12:12.820 Oh, they're going out.

00:12:13.980 And now I'm getting inundated with replies from, like, gay Twitter.

00:12:17.940 And I'm like, where the fuck were you guys, like, two days ago?

00:12:20.680 Like, I tagged.

00:12:21.980 I was hashtagging LGBT.

00:12:23.340 How come when gay Twitter retweets your shit, it comes out more gay looking?

00:12:27.660 It doesn't look, like, the same.

00:12:29.260 You know what I mean?

00:12:29.520 Oh, yeah.

00:12:29.860 I don't know.

00:12:30.320 I said Mexican filter on it.

00:12:31.980 Orange?

00:12:34.000 Why does your shit look Mexican, though?

00:12:35.560 For real.

00:12:36.220 I think someone had on, like, you know how your phone can go into, like, night mode?

00:12:40.380 And it, like, turns up the orange.

00:12:42.420 It looks like their phone is covered in piss.

00:12:44.180 Like, they pissed in the goddamn screen.

00:12:45.220 No, no, like, this must be a new, like, Twitter blue feature where you get these extra themes.

00:12:50.780 I have no idea.

00:12:52.740 I never.

00:12:53.640 But how would you feel for getting breakfast?

00:12:56.000 All right, play the goddamn aboriginal music, please, and pull up the first mailbag if you're

00:13:01.600 in mind.

00:13:01.940 Yeah.

00:13:02.040 If you're a retard, you're a non-breakfast shooter.

00:13:03.360 I just do hate, the one thing I hate the most, though, is when there's random gay fucking

00:13:08.400 accounts getting extreme humor, interacted with my actual poll, but whatever.

00:13:16.980 Wrap it up, bud.

00:13:20.240 JCS, did Cole ever play Buck Buck when he was in church youth group?

00:13:24.180 I don't know what that is.

00:13:24.780 What the fuck is that?

00:13:25.220 I don't even know what the fuck is Buck Buck.

00:13:26.280 Yeah, what the fuck is Buck Buck?

00:13:27.920 No clue.

00:13:28.520 That's like you got molested, dog.

00:13:31.340 Here comes the Buck Buck.

00:13:33.260 Open your mouth.

00:13:35.380 I'm going to need more of an explanation on that.

00:13:37.760 Yeah, JC's in the chat.

00:13:39.220 Usually JC watches these.

00:13:40.620 I'll say this.

00:13:41.540 Say hi.

00:13:42.160 If anyone wants to lose it at Big Buck Hunter, I'm your fucking dude.

00:13:45.980 I am undefeated.

00:13:46.680 You're talking about that one in, like, a Dave and Buster's?

00:13:50.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:13:50.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:51.500 I'm a fucking, I'm a G at that shit.

00:13:53.560 That's what you're going to go with?

00:13:54.500 I was playing at the, I was actually playing a couple weeks ago.

00:13:57.040 Hold on, did you find it bizarre that, like, Clint just flexed on us?

00:13:59.500 He flexed on us, like, with the weirdest things.

00:14:01.140 Not with all his money.

00:14:02.160 He's like, I could spike a volleyball like a motherfucker.

00:14:04.640 I could ride a bike like a motherfucker.

00:14:06.660 At least this one is, though, like, theoretically I have the skills to kill a lot of people.

00:14:11.120 You're like, okay, that's pretty cool.

00:14:12.700 Dude, we gotta look this up.

00:14:13.720 It's like human synope needs human pyramid.

00:14:16.180 Jesus.

00:14:17.140 I thought it was like a, I thought it was like a pastor.

00:14:18.760 So you're going ass to mouth, but upwards instead of horizontal?

00:14:22.560 Are you going just?

00:14:23.380 That, that's just, that's just not your friends.

00:14:26.080 But I, I thought that it was like, uh, your pastor would like give you $2 or something

00:14:29.820 for sucking him off.

00:14:30.780 It's like, let's play some Buck Buck.

00:14:32.740 I did have a, my youth pastor did get caught for watching porn, so.

00:14:35.460 We called him, we called him Two Buck Chuck.

00:14:37.060 All right, Buck Buck.

00:14:39.820 Okay.

00:14:40.120 Uh, it's a children's game with several variants.

00:14:43.080 One version of the game is played when one player climbs another's back and the climber

00:14:46.760 guesses the number of certain objects out of sight.

00:14:48.980 Another version of the game is played with one group of players climbing on the backs of

00:14:52.360 a second group in order to build a large, as large a pile as possible or to cause the

00:14:56.480 supporting players to collapse.

00:14:57.720 So it's basically just human pyramid.

00:14:59.060 But like, this sounds like a easy way for like an orgy to break out.

00:15:03.860 Well, that was like, literally you lose the clothes and it is like, this is an easy way

00:15:09.620 for you to get raped by your youth pastor.

00:15:11.820 What Christians do, they have, they have so much built up sexual tension.

00:15:15.640 They just do, they do any sort of event that allows them to like, touch each other.

00:15:19.980 Be close.

00:15:21.000 Yeah.

00:15:21.820 And just rub up against each other.

00:15:23.560 Just like, really close.

00:15:24.560 Oh, yeah.

00:15:25.720 I had your, your pastor come on, alter boys.

00:15:27.800 I went to, everybody get on me.

00:15:29.500 Cole, you've been to these.

00:15:30.580 I went to two like, church retreats, they were called Apex, where people from all over

00:15:34.820 the place come.

00:15:35.480 I went to church camp every summer, dude.

00:15:37.760 Yeah.

00:15:38.220 No, no, this is like a.

00:15:39.260 From fourth grade till post-graduation.

00:15:40.980 This is like a convention of churches.

00:15:43.040 They come from, they come from all over the United States.

00:15:45.240 It's Apex.

00:15:46.140 Apex.

00:15:47.000 And the energy there is almost as awkward as like a libertarian party, like meetup.

00:15:52.700 I believe it.

00:15:52.920 Because it's just like weird sexual tension.

00:15:55.160 There's just as many virgins.

00:15:56.740 Just as many virgins.

00:15:57.700 Well, I don't know.

00:15:58.200 Those girls fuck out.

00:15:59.140 It was weird.

00:16:00.420 What did you get from that kind of stuff?

00:16:01.940 Dude, the only thing I got was massive amount of like, bitches numbers.

00:16:05.720 That's all I pulled, dude.

00:16:06.740 I was just pulling numbers.

00:16:08.720 And what they would do is we would have like the church, the shirt, the t-shirt for the week

00:16:14.020 or whatever, like the camp shirt.

00:16:15.400 Oh, you were doing this in like a high school and shit, weren't you?

00:16:17.920 I told you from first grade to post-graduate.

00:16:19.340 Oh, fuck.

00:16:19.580 I was thinking like, most people stop this gay shit like elementary school.

00:16:23.560 No.

00:16:24.420 It was actually from third going into fourth and to after I graduated.

00:16:27.780 You were the creepy camp counselor.

00:16:29.240 Okay.

00:16:29.480 No, I never went as a counselor.

00:16:31.620 But no, I was – dude, I did like the special two-week version where you're doing it so you

00:16:36.200 can become a counselor later on.

00:16:38.080 But no, I didn't – I never became – but yeah, dude, I was just –

00:16:40.900 I didn't receive my certification.

00:16:43.220 I never –

00:16:44.940 I always got kicked out for holding a girl's hands during the week, but it never didn't happen.

00:16:50.940 Did I ever tell you guys about the RA, whatever it's called, room advisor in my freshman dorm?

00:16:57.100 Sounds familiar.

00:16:58.480 I don't think you did.

00:16:59.480 I'll make it real quick.

00:17:00.080 I'll make you have multiple RA stories.

00:17:01.360 Yeah, I'll make it real quick.

00:17:02.960 We were all freshmen.

00:17:03.940 It was a freshman dorm, exclusively freshmen.

00:17:06.100 And this dude had been – for 10 years, he had been the RA in this building.

00:17:12.000 So he's like 40.

00:17:13.420 I can't even – no, no, he was in his like early 30s.

00:17:15.600 I can't even imagine the body count that this guy had.

00:17:17.600 He was just running through all the freshman broads in college.

00:17:21.300 Holy shit.

00:17:22.080 I got to become an RA, man.

00:17:25.180 A rape advisor?

00:17:27.520 That's what he actually served as.

00:17:29.200 That's for sure.

00:17:29.860 Sorry.

00:17:30.300 My kids broke into the room.

00:17:31.500 That was awkward.

00:17:32.240 I was just about to say nigger too, and I was like, where's my daughter?

00:17:35.940 She's already saying that shit.

00:17:38.860 Yeah, but I never heard of Buck Buck, but there are a lot of other games that Christians play.

00:17:44.100 At what point are hookers no longer tax deductible?

00:17:46.760 Obviously when they're dead.

00:17:48.480 Yeah, I think husband's fine.

00:17:50.040 That's the only way, man.

00:17:52.020 They're not independent if they're not breathing.

00:17:54.080 Yeah, you can't – like it's one thing to admit to prostitution.

00:17:56.320 It's another thing to admit to murder.

00:17:57.600 You know, like come on.

00:17:58.860 Wouldn't a prostitute –

00:17:59.120 It is so funny to me that the – technically now the president's son was just like, yeah,

00:18:04.420 totally, I can tax deduct hookers.

00:18:06.700 He was like, this is – it's a business expense.

00:18:09.160 It's the price of doing business.

00:18:11.200 It would be interesting to see if you can get away with like instead of tax deducting them

00:18:14.800 but claiming them as like, yeah, that's my property, like my child, so therefore I get a tax deduct.

00:18:19.740 I mean, to be fair though, if you're like him, what are you going to do?

00:18:22.760 I'm going to call my wife basically, okay?

00:18:25.040 I had three times in the last year.

00:18:27.820 She's my dependent.

00:18:28.920 I pay her so much money.

00:18:30.280 I mean, with him, he has the kind of money.

00:18:31.640 It's like, what are you going to do?

00:18:32.600 Prosecute me and get me for prostitution and then I'll probably plead down?

00:18:35.800 Like, okay.

00:18:37.180 I'm going to be totally honest with you guys.

00:18:38.920 I've joked about this a few times but I want to be totally, totally honest about it.

00:18:42.700 I think Hunter Biden is awesome and I don't see any problem with what he's doing.

00:18:46.340 I mean, like, he does cocaine, he does crack, he measures it, he fucks hookers, he has a weird relationship with his niece,

00:18:54.120 he fucks his dick, he fucks his brother's, you know, his dead brother's ex-wife.

00:18:59.860 I mean, this guy is cool as shit.

00:19:01.880 He's doing all the things that we wish we could do if we were the son of a vice president.

00:19:06.400 He buys firearms while he's on crack cocaine.

00:19:09.320 He was great on this show.

00:19:10.460 Dude, aside from the possible kid stuff, unironically, he's awesome.

00:19:13.940 Like, not even kidding.

00:19:15.180 Thank you.

00:19:15.720 Dude, he's on the board of an energy company making a ton of money and he knows absolutely nothing about it.

00:19:21.940 This guy's awesome.

00:19:23.040 And he's talking to Chinese dudes and he's threatening.

00:19:26.020 It's so great because he can be like, he can threaten anybody.

00:19:28.320 He'd be like, yeah, my dad is the vice president.

00:19:30.880 He's not sitting there.

00:19:31.560 He's just like, hey, hey, you know what kind of a fucking memory I have when you fuck me over?

00:19:36.420 Yeah, well, Joe's sitting right here, big boy.

00:19:38.960 You little fucking noom noom.

00:19:40.500 I'm going to fucking fuck you up.

00:19:41.800 And he doesn't give a fuck.

00:19:43.160 He's making big shots with world leaders.

00:19:45.040 Let's analyze politics right now real quick.

00:19:48.260 We're not supposed to do this.

00:19:49.460 But there is something psychological that they know.

00:19:52.600 Well, at least they're like RFK knows about America.

00:19:54.840 He's like, I'm going to take my shirt off.

00:19:56.420 Americans are still at base level like like cavemen.

00:19:59.560 They still respond to this and people did respond to it.

00:20:02.020 But now like the Republicans are putting out a picture of like Hunter Biden holding some prostitute by the neck while he's just fucking mean grilling and taking a picture.

00:20:10.080 There's cocaine on the sink.

00:20:11.440 And it's like, you think Americans are going to see this and think bad?

00:20:14.820 Like I'm thinking.

00:20:16.080 No, no, no, they will not.

00:20:17.440 I mean, to be clear, I want to be very clear.

00:20:20.420 I don't think it's a good way to live your life.

00:20:22.280 But on some level, you have to realize it's kind of fucking awesome.

00:20:26.280 It's not a bad way to live your life.

00:20:27.860 Yeah, but unfortunately, unfortunately, they do it.

00:20:30.640 You can get into politics and be a scumbag and lock up millions of black people, or you can be a crackhead gun toting fucking millions of dollars pilfering drug addict scumbag, probably pedophile.

00:20:44.320 This guy's fucking cool as shit.

00:20:45.700 I don't know.

00:20:46.440 I do what is threatening world leaders while he's fucking smoking a crack ball.

00:20:50.700 The Democratic Party is retarded.

00:20:54.060 They should be running Hunter Biden against RFK.

00:20:56.780 Don't run Gavin Newsom.

00:20:58.220 Put Hunter Biden's ass up there.

00:20:59.560 Well, Top just opened up something, like opened my mind to something.

00:21:02.200 I didn't realize RFK showing his body, like completely made everybody forget that his voice sucks ass.

00:21:08.140 Yes.

00:21:08.660 Like everybody just forgot.

00:21:10.140 It also broke my brain.

00:21:11.780 His build, and then you see his workouts, and I'm like, what?

00:21:15.520 He's tall as fuck.

00:21:17.080 Nine push-ups.

00:21:18.040 It's fucking perplexing.

00:21:19.200 I mean, he is old.

00:21:21.540 What?

00:21:22.020 To me, I think, well, one, he's 72.

00:21:24.560 Yes, he does.

00:21:25.240 His physique is insane.

00:21:27.200 It's perfect.

00:21:28.240 It's chiseled.

00:21:29.600 It's like Hulk Hogan.

00:21:30.580 Well, I wouldn't say chiseled, but for his age, he is like.

00:21:33.700 He's pretty chiseled.

00:21:34.640 He's got that skin flat by his titty.

00:21:35.360 He's an unbelievable shape for 69 years old.

00:21:37.900 Yeah.

00:21:38.080 Unbelievable.

00:21:38.640 His abs are showing at 69.

00:21:40.560 That's like.

00:21:41.380 Dude, yeah.

00:21:42.140 He has cum gutters at 69.

00:21:43.700 I want to look like that right now.

00:21:45.580 For real.

00:21:47.020 But like.

00:21:47.720 That's true.

00:21:48.240 It's so funny to me that everybody's just like, oh, his voice doesn't matter anymore because

00:21:51.120 he's fucking ripped.

00:21:52.200 And I will give it to him.

00:21:54.800 Maybe he was at the end of his workout.

00:21:56.280 Maybe that's why he can only do nine pushups and like a hundred and.

00:21:58.980 And that's why he had a heat pump pump.

00:22:00.620 He only did like 115 on incline press.

00:22:03.080 Like.

00:22:03.340 But you know what?

00:22:04.040 I didn't even think of that.

00:22:04.920 He just probably worked out like crazy.

00:22:07.040 Got a crazy pump.

00:22:08.160 And then was like, you know what?

00:22:09.200 I'll work out while I have that pump too.

00:22:11.600 So you could see.

00:22:12.240 In fucking jeans.

00:22:12.740 You know what?

00:22:13.200 Now I'm completely turned on this motherfucker.

00:22:14.800 I told you.

00:22:15.300 That's what I did.

00:22:15.760 I was like.

00:22:15.980 I think he.

00:22:16.480 I think he was at the end of the workout.

00:22:17.980 That's gay.

00:22:18.440 If that's the case though.

00:22:19.340 Wait.

00:22:19.480 If that's the case.

00:22:20.380 That means that.

00:22:21.500 That the workout wasn't premeditated.

00:22:23.440 Which I like.

00:22:24.080 Or taking the video of himself wasn't premeditated.

00:22:26.040 He was probably halfway through.

00:22:26.800 No.

00:22:26.960 I'm saying that is premeditated.

00:22:27.920 I'll take this video.

00:22:28.900 That's what I'm saying.

00:22:30.080 That sounds premeditated.

00:22:30.980 Like a picture of y'all super buff.

00:22:33.240 You know?

00:22:38.160 I will say RFK is an elite lifter.

00:22:41.260 At his age.

00:22:42.380 That is 100% of elite lifters.

00:22:43.860 I'll grant that to him.

00:22:44.580 No, no, no, no, no.

00:22:45.980 No, he's fucking not.

00:22:47.300 How dare I?

00:22:47.680 At his age.

00:22:48.660 He's literally.

00:22:49.820 If you're looking at power lifters.

00:22:51.800 There are actually old people.

00:22:52.880 They're lifting that kind of weight.

00:22:54.200 Clint.

00:22:54.320 If you're 69 years old.

00:22:56.220 And if you're 69 years old.

00:22:57.520 And you're lifting what he is.

00:22:58.520 And looks like he does.

00:22:59.240 Would you not say I'm elite?

00:23:01.000 At 69.

00:23:01.520 I would say physique wise.

00:23:02.960 I'm elite.

00:23:03.500 In terms of the weight he's putting up.

00:23:05.480 Fuck.

00:23:05.980 No.

00:23:06.420 He's not elite.

00:23:06.960 115 pounds on an incline press?

00:23:09.160 My stepdad's basically his age.

00:23:10.900 And it's like.

00:23:11.540 Fucking blow his shit out.

00:23:12.560 Dude, my stepdad's 60.

00:23:14.340 Or he's going to be 70.

00:23:15.560 In October.

00:23:16.400 He can put up this weight.

00:23:16.940 Are we getting down to my dad is stronger than your dad?

00:23:19.960 My dad can beat up your dad.

00:23:22.920 My dad can beat up RFK Jr.

00:23:24.540 My dad can beat up your presidential preference.

00:23:26.900 Were RFKs.

00:23:27.880 Were the genes a power move?

00:23:29.620 Like I'm still trying to figure that out.

00:23:30.980 Yeah, the genes is a crazy thing to do.

00:23:33.300 Maybe his legs suck.

00:23:34.580 Maybe.

00:23:34.780 Dude, it's totally premeditated.

00:23:35.860 The more you talk, the more I'm like, this was totally.

00:23:37.800 He got a big pump.

00:23:38.640 It was premeditated, dude.

00:23:39.840 You know what his all-scope could be?

00:23:41.380 Maybe he's just a calisthenics athlete.

00:23:43.460 Maybe he never lifts.

00:23:45.020 You're wrong.

00:23:45.780 Look at his lats, bro.

00:23:49.720 He has too much muscle.

00:23:51.060 Dude, have you not seen calisthenics dudes with their lats?

00:23:53.960 It's insane.

00:23:54.960 Bro.

00:23:55.240 His lats are fucking gigantic.

00:23:56.820 He should be able to put up at least 175 pounds of incline.

00:24:00.280 If he's starting to get shot at by the CIA, you're just going to fly away with those big

00:24:04.320 lats he has.

00:24:05.300 If you're moderately in shape and you get a big pump, and you hit all the major...

00:24:09.340 You look fucking big after.

00:24:11.160 So now I'm thinking it really...

00:24:11.720 Dude, he's going to have to fucking use those lats to fly away from the FBI hit squads as

00:24:14.780 far as I'm concerned.

00:24:15.420 I just fucking said that.

00:24:17.760 It was funnier when Clint did it.

00:24:19.520 I said it better.

00:24:21.300 I said it better.

00:24:22.000 Damn it.

00:24:22.500 I heard you say fly away, but I didn't hear you see the FBI hit squads.

00:24:25.360 Cole is a known tweet thief.

00:24:27.320 Oh, okay.

00:24:28.520 Cole's a known tweet thief, so I don't believe you.

00:24:30.980 It's okay.

00:24:31.840 Your most viral shit ever.

00:24:33.060 You stole.

00:24:33.780 Technically.

00:24:34.520 That's true.

00:24:35.700 All right.

00:24:35.980 All right.

00:24:36.240 Next one.

00:24:36.620 Next one.

00:24:36.920 If we got third.

00:24:37.280 He stole it for me, actually.

00:24:40.420 Yerm asks, when will Reed make his triumphant return?

00:24:43.220 He died.

00:24:44.700 Sorry.

00:24:45.060 He died.

00:24:45.400 That may not be happening, because Reed, he's gone full New Hampshire.

00:24:50.440 I just basically spent an entire week with him.

00:24:52.820 I was in his camper.

00:24:54.320 I saw the famous M1 Garand from that video that went massively viral.

00:24:59.680 Is that how you say it?

00:25:00.320 Reed showed me his piece.

00:25:02.660 I don't think he's coming back to the show, to be honest.

00:25:05.080 He's all manic New Hampshire now.

00:25:06.800 Like, have you ever told you about New Hampshire lately?

00:25:08.800 Should I take him out of the intro?

00:25:10.280 Like, what are we doing with Reed?

00:25:11.340 Are we firing him live?

00:25:12.720 No.

00:25:12.980 Should we fire Reed live?

00:25:14.280 We don't need to fire him.

00:25:15.120 He resigned like six months ago.

00:25:17.140 It's okay.

00:25:17.860 Dude, he's got to still be in the intro, because he's saying Donald Trump

00:25:20.340 come on to our gang, right?

00:25:22.160 But I was there, so that's how we tie it in.

00:25:24.340 Maybe we can drop that.

00:25:24.980 Maybe we just, instead of saying, and sometimes Reed, just put, and never Reed.

00:25:30.560 Like, we have a whole gang.

00:25:31.820 You know what?

00:25:32.340 That's actually a great idea.

00:25:33.920 Just never him.

00:25:35.760 Yeah, we should put never Reed in the intro, but put it on Cole.

00:25:40.580 What?

00:25:40.900 I don't understand.

00:25:42.560 What's he doing?

00:25:43.700 What's he doing?

00:25:44.500 What did Todd just do?

00:25:45.680 What did he do that before?

00:25:46.320 I don't even get it.

00:25:47.200 Why did he do that?

00:25:48.120 Why did he say those words?

00:25:49.420 What the fuck are you talking about?

00:25:51.300 Why would you say that to us, though, Todd?

00:25:53.880 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:25:55.540 Oh, because Cole doesn't make jokes, either?

00:25:57.620 Is that what you mean?

00:25:57.840 Cole is illiterate.

00:25:59.080 That is the joke.

00:26:00.700 I'm trying to put it together, though.

00:26:02.200 Oh, and never Reed.

00:26:02.800 Jesus Christ.

00:26:03.800 Oh, man.

00:26:04.620 That is...

00:26:05.120 It's good written humor, but we're talking to each other.

00:26:09.560 It's a tweet, dude.

00:26:10.820 That's a tweet.

00:26:11.700 What's wrong with you?

00:26:12.260 Do you talk in tweets?

00:26:13.240 He exists in Ku Klux Kormi.

00:26:15.460 Yes.

00:26:16.500 He only knows tweet syntax.

00:26:19.040 Well, the problem is, like, his brain and his eyes only see...

00:26:22.500 He reads in binary code, and so he talks in binary code.

00:26:25.720 And so he's just like...

00:26:26.660 No.

00:26:27.300 Because I always wondered, do you think in words?

00:26:30.620 Because, like, you're putting together word plays.

00:26:33.660 Todd, do you want to bring up my explanation as to why I am the way that I am from, like,

00:26:39.640 a few weeks ago in the chat?

00:26:40.880 It's in the spreadsheet right now.

00:26:42.580 Yes, I do.

00:26:43.500 Yeah, bring it up, I guess.

00:26:44.780 Yeah.

00:26:45.060 I would love to know why you are the way you are.

00:26:46.840 Because you were 38 pounds when you were 16 or something?

00:26:52.780 So, yeah, this was from our chat a few weeks ago.

00:26:56.220 Oh, I thought she was zoot.

00:26:57.340 Whoa.

00:26:57.960 Toad says, I'm so autistic that I have to wrap my head around a joke and explain it to myself out loud.

00:27:02.720 That's seriously what I'm doing when I do that.

00:27:04.960 It's the only time I wish you were dead.

00:27:07.220 That's it.

00:27:07.680 That's you.

00:27:08.240 That's Clint saying that to me, yes.

00:27:12.900 We still love you.

00:27:13.860 If anything, I think it's great.

00:27:16.560 So, that is what I'm doing, you know, when it's like, oh, like, Cole just said that or whatever.

00:27:20.620 I'm, like, thinking about it.

00:27:22.040 I'm, like, I don't know if I myself got that joke and I'm processing it.

00:27:26.880 It's numbers just to come down.

00:27:28.960 Explaining it out loud.

00:27:30.940 Somebody make that meme of, like, the numbers of the ladies confused.

00:27:36.300 Put Toad there.

00:27:36.920 For real.

00:27:38.040 Dude, it makes you a fucking Chad in spaces, though.

00:27:40.140 I'll tell you that.

00:27:41.220 It's fucking awesome.

00:27:43.220 Toad is just the Zach Galifianakis from The Hangover.

00:27:47.740 It's just, like, when he's gambling.

00:27:49.480 He's just whispering to himself the numbers and shit that's going up.

00:27:53.520 And he's just like, oh.

00:27:54.380 That's what Cole does.

00:27:55.160 Don't worry about it.

00:27:56.580 That's okay.

00:27:57.160 The problem is with my newfound Chad status, I am no longer funny at all.

00:28:02.180 Hey, Toad, what's up with this Chad?

00:28:03.460 I've been funnier more lately, I think.

00:28:05.300 Yeah, can you explain what's going on with this Chad thing?

00:28:06.780 Yeah, what's up with that?

00:28:08.200 What's wrong with you?

00:28:09.380 Is it a rebrand?

00:28:10.280 What is this?

00:28:12.200 Are you rebranding as cool?

00:28:13.380 A rebrand of Boston.

00:28:14.100 He told me.

00:28:14.920 He is cool, guys.

00:28:16.360 For real.

00:28:17.200 He said, you're going to.

00:28:19.300 I'm not being mean.

00:28:19.920 I do like cool.

00:28:20.580 Like, Toad, what the fuck?

00:28:21.740 You said I'm afraid of your manliness.

00:28:25.040 What did you say to me in the chat?

00:28:27.300 I said that you don't like my new way, my newfound Chadliness.

00:28:32.560 Your way.

00:28:33.380 Because it is a challenge to your manhood.

00:28:36.220 It was mostly just because you're being so silly.

00:28:38.720 It's a challenge to my manhood.

00:28:40.060 I'm reading this at 9 in the morning like, yo, who is this guy in the group chat?

00:28:44.520 I don't know.

00:28:46.620 Somebody let someone else in.

00:28:48.100 Did someone steal Toad's phone?

00:28:49.840 That's right.

00:28:50.220 I was telling all you motherfuckers to touch grass.

00:28:53.580 Oh, that's right.

00:28:54.120 You said you were going to.

00:28:55.120 You're like, I'm going to beat us.

00:28:57.640 You respect me or I'll kick your ass.

00:28:59.080 It was pretty cool, actually.

00:29:00.960 No, no, no, no.

00:29:02.020 It's like Toad puts on a leather jacket.

00:29:04.520 And that's like Tough Toad.

00:29:05.940 We got Boston Toad.

00:29:06.340 It felt like I was watching a good WWE set.

00:29:09.240 I was like, all right.

00:29:10.740 It was like a heel turn to face.

00:29:13.000 Yeah.

00:29:13.320 I liked it.

00:29:13.740 Bring out the accent again.

00:29:15.600 I didn't like it.

00:29:16.100 There was something he said.

00:29:16.960 And I was like, Toad, you do none of these.

00:29:19.180 He was like, fuck bitches.

00:29:21.440 Touch grass.

00:29:22.740 Lift weights.

00:29:23.580 Lift weights.

00:29:25.840 Don't be suicidal.

00:29:28.280 Yeah, exactly.

00:29:29.420 Stay alive.

00:29:31.540 And never sports bet.

00:29:33.780 Love life.

00:29:34.620 Dude, I actually, did you have a good time at Porkfest?

00:29:37.540 Never live in Boston.

00:29:39.060 Get out of Boston.

00:29:39.900 Quit your job.

00:29:40.960 Fuck bitches.

00:29:42.580 Lift weights.

00:29:43.680 Don't kill yourself.

00:29:45.240 Never live in Boston ever.

00:29:47.160 I felt really happy seeing Toad at Porkfest, all the pictures.

00:29:50.120 You look like you were having a good time.

00:29:52.220 Yeah.

00:29:52.380 You know what?

00:29:52.880 He's enjoying himself.

00:29:53.880 He looks beautiful in nature.

00:29:53.900 But see, here's the issue, though.

00:29:56.540 Toad goes and he finds joy.

00:29:58.220 And then he goes back to his miserable fucking existence.

00:30:00.180 And then when we point it out, he just goes, this is what I'm going to do forever.

00:30:04.160 And why?

00:30:04.960 Why do you do that to you?

00:30:06.180 I feel like we need him to do that.

00:30:07.600 Because it's been weird having him.

00:30:08.800 You're right.

00:30:08.900 No, it's good for the show.

00:30:09.940 It's good for the showtop.

00:30:10.880 But it's not good for him.

00:30:12.200 You know?

00:30:12.480 We love him.

00:30:13.720 Yeah.

00:30:14.180 Well, we're trying to ride this wave, though, all the way to wherever we need.

00:30:17.040 All right.

00:30:17.060 Well, then stay in Boston and be miserable because it's great content.

00:30:20.020 But Jesus Christ, man.

00:30:20.800 What's wrong with you?

00:30:22.520 I'm not miserable anymore.

00:30:24.200 I'm just...

00:30:24.900 Just chatting it up.

00:30:26.420 Yeah.

00:30:26.620 You are miserable.

00:30:27.840 I mean, I'm still in the hellhole.

00:30:30.440 He looks like he lost some weight, too.

00:30:32.000 It just is what it is.

00:30:33.000 He does seem like he has a different outlook on life.

00:30:35.080 And I'm kind of a little bit digging it.

00:30:36.480 Yeah.

00:30:37.100 Yeah.

00:30:37.360 Yeah.

00:30:37.860 I like that.

00:30:38.320 But this is like when somebody relapses.

00:30:40.880 They're not relapses.

00:30:43.260 They're like, you know what?

00:30:44.020 I've accepted my addiction.

00:30:46.920 He's back in the denial phase, I think.

00:30:48.700 It's okay, though.

00:30:49.200 I like it.

00:30:49.640 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:30:50.180 He just...

00:30:51.060 It was like somebody that gave up drugs for like a week.

00:30:54.940 And they're like, dude, you're doing a lot better.

00:30:56.160 He's like, yeah, I feel so much better.

00:30:57.400 And the next week, it's just back to the same shit.

00:30:59.160 Yeah, he went to rehab.

00:31:00.300 You went to New Hampshire for rehab.

00:31:01.640 And then now you're back in the same place that will get you to continue that harmful cycle you were on.

00:31:06.820 I look forward to seeing you spiral again.

00:31:09.220 It's going to happen.

00:31:09.920 You've got to get out of Boston.

00:31:11.600 I want him to live in a trailer with Reed.

00:31:13.220 That's what I want him to do.

00:31:14.060 Well, look, man.

00:31:15.260 When I'm sitting in horrible traffic just to go a couple miles or whatever, and it's taking...

00:31:21.380 Play the music.

00:31:21.880 An hour, you know?

00:31:23.820 And I'm just like...

00:31:24.940 I'm just thinking about how I want to murder all of the other drivers that are on the road.

00:31:30.940 I don't know, man.

00:31:32.380 Like, it used to, like, make me angry.

00:31:35.380 Like, I'd be on the verge of snapping completely.

00:31:39.980 But now...

00:31:41.280 I don't know.

00:31:42.520 Toad plays this up.

00:31:44.480 If we let him go the whole episode with the music, he could.

00:31:47.240 I'm at peace with it at this point.

00:31:49.700 It's so sad.

00:31:50.660 There's not a chance you're at peace with it, but it's okay.

00:31:53.540 I would probably leave my kid with Nazis, being honest.

00:31:56.720 That was soul-crushing, Toad.

00:31:59.200 Oh, we're playing that again?

00:32:01.220 No, I don't know.

00:32:01.980 Who flashed that?

00:32:03.140 What was that?

00:32:03.980 Little Dicky, obviously.

00:32:05.020 Toad the type of nigga.

00:32:06.840 Not yet.

00:32:07.800 That threw me for a loop.

00:32:08.740 Hey, are we going to talk about leaking the group chat at all?

00:32:13.880 I was not going to play...

00:32:15.300 I don't like that idea, but I think we should do this.

00:32:18.340 Because it's been a while.

00:32:19.540 Yeah, it has been.

00:32:20.280 Okay?

00:32:20.960 Now that he's feeling better about himself, let's talk about killing him again.

00:32:25.460 This is a special game that we usually play with guests, but I think it's good to bring it up and keep it fresh with the group.

00:32:30.080 So let's just go around the horn again.

00:32:32.480 And how would we kill this new Toad?

00:32:35.000 How sexy is this going to be, and is it going to make me more erect than RFK's workout videos?

00:32:40.640 I'm ready to give my answer.

00:32:42.180 I would take him, have him find a nice woman, settle down in a nice place, he'd live out his life, and then slowly pass away to the ether in his old age with his children now.

00:32:52.940 Thank you.

00:32:53.560 Thank you.

00:32:54.660 All right?

00:32:55.060 Now get the fuck out of the city!

00:32:55.980 The problem is, Toad, that just means he's just making you suffer through your life longer.

00:33:04.980 Yeah, he's like, I want you to suffer way more once you get married.

00:33:08.300 Yeah, he's like, I want you to be with a white woman forever.

00:33:11.480 I know how I'd kill Toad now.

00:33:13.220 Because this is a harder Toad to kill.

00:33:15.660 I don't like when it's on me.

00:33:16.580 I don't like the way I look.

00:33:17.320 Take that down.

00:33:18.140 Thank you.

00:33:18.820 There we go.

00:33:19.820 Puerto Rican Irish fear.

00:33:20.980 You can't kill me, brother.

00:33:23.100 I'm fucking invincible here.

00:33:25.080 Shut up, Toad.

00:33:25.920 It's like, he seems like he put up more of a fight.

00:33:29.140 Dude, I got clipped with that one.

00:33:32.340 So I would let you pick a knife, like any kind of a knife, like a Greek sword or a fucking double-handed.

00:33:40.160 Samurai blade.

00:33:41.000 I can choose my own seppuku.

00:33:43.040 I like this.

00:33:43.820 No, no, you have to fight me.

00:33:44.940 You don't choose.

00:33:45.500 I'm going to pick my own blade and you fight me.

00:33:48.040 Obviously, I kill you, but it's more of a fight.

00:33:51.040 That's how I kill you.

00:33:52.060 You don't think Toad could actually kill you?

00:33:53.420 That'd be an honorable death.

00:33:54.320 I like that.

00:33:54.560 With the blade, I feel like any of us could kill each other.

00:33:57.600 No, if I had a blade, too.

00:33:58.660 I might be able to beat.

00:33:59.380 Toad could win that.

00:34:00.420 I mean, it's a blade.

00:34:01.680 Like, I don't think this is one shot.

00:34:04.120 I don't think you guys know how long Top played baseball for.

00:34:07.020 He's got a swing on.

00:34:07.460 Like, I took fencing for 12 years.

00:34:10.660 My first move with the blade would be to circumcise Top, which would remove the source of all of his power.

00:34:16.540 That's actually pretty funny.

00:34:19.440 I've thought about this good and hard.

00:34:21.080 Bring it up Jew Mountain and say, I have a sacrifice.

00:34:25.020 I have Top's foreskin.

00:34:27.180 He throws it in and they imbue him with Jew power.

00:34:29.720 He just gets, like, fucking jacked.

00:34:31.040 He's like...

00:34:32.040 I'd still look like I do now.

00:34:35.540 I'd just have a ton of power.

00:34:36.900 Imagine the ADL putting out a bounty on your foreskin.

00:34:40.480 That would be so fucking crazy.

00:34:42.980 I wouldn't be surprised if that's actually real.

00:34:44.720 Seeing as Toad's not pretending to be a chad, I've totally revised my assassination techniques.

00:34:53.540 So, I would like to hire the hottest prostitute money can buy.

00:34:59.360 And I want...

00:35:00.020 As he comes, I want him to expire via autoerotic asphyxiation.

00:35:05.300 And...

00:35:05.580 I love it.

00:35:06.400 It's a beautiful death.

00:35:07.540 I love it.

00:35:08.000 It is.

00:35:08.160 You know what?

00:35:09.420 It's a death he deserves.

00:35:10.500 This has got touching.

00:35:11.480 This has kind of got weird and beautiful when it was going in a dark place.

00:35:14.020 And then I want her to have the kid, but then I want her to get an abortion.

00:35:18.380 Kill them twice.

00:35:19.120 Kill them twice.

00:35:19.680 All these things, like, so far, it's been...

00:35:21.520 You're going to kill off my projects?

00:35:22.760 Live all your life.

00:35:23.600 Great.

00:35:24.080 Have a family and kids, which is what he wants.

00:35:26.120 So, that's, you know, a good death.

00:35:27.660 Tops, it's like, you have a chance to not die.

00:35:30.220 Isn't that...

00:35:30.960 That's like an honorable warrior's death, too.

00:35:32.800 Or die.

00:35:33.820 Not a high percent chance, but a chance nonetheless.

00:35:36.500 Yeah, it's still a chance.

00:35:37.700 I would block your fucking shit like this.

00:35:39.480 Oh, no.

00:35:42.960 And the Clint is like, you're going to get fucked by the hottest woman alive.

00:35:48.220 Yeah.

00:35:48.520 Yep.

00:35:48.800 And then you'll die.

00:35:49.860 But, like, it's still, I mean...

00:35:50.960 But you impregnate her as you expire.

00:35:53.060 And you can literally feel your life force traversing into her ovaries.

00:35:58.280 Dude, do you know how she has the strength of one prostitute and a toad?

00:36:02.120 Dude, do you know how many species, like, live like that?

00:36:04.440 Like, I think, like, praying mantises and shit, like, the female, like, beheads the male

00:36:09.320 after fucking him.

00:36:10.220 Yeah, I want you to go out like that.

00:36:11.500 It's the way.

00:36:12.840 That's kind of weirdly beautiful.

00:36:14.360 You're like, I have fulfilled my life's mission.

00:36:17.320 That's right.

00:36:18.420 I think...

00:36:18.860 Or, either that, either that, or I want you to die of heat exhaustion on Owen Benjamin's

00:36:23.260 farm as a slave.

00:36:24.120 Either way.

00:36:24.580 No, that's actually...

00:36:25.680 Dude, I want that happen.

00:36:27.400 I'm one DM away, because he actually answered that.

00:36:30.340 He answered that one, and I was like...

00:36:31.720 He said no.

00:36:32.460 He said no, though.

00:36:33.380 He rejected me.

00:36:35.240 He said, we don't just take slaves from anywhere.

00:36:40.600 Jesus, man.

00:36:41.520 He said toad goes to heaven, and the 73 virgins are just also toad.

00:36:46.340 Dude, can we talk about...

00:36:47.560 Oh, shit.

00:36:53.200 Man, he's back.

00:36:54.340 Everybody, he's back.

00:36:55.280 Thank God.

00:36:55.880 Don't worry.

00:36:56.740 We got Cole back.

00:36:57.400 It's supposed to be 72, but the other one would also be me, so I guess 73 makes sense.

00:37:02.880 I don't know.

00:37:03.840 How did you...

00:37:04.460 It made perfect sense, actually.

00:37:06.160 But thank you for explaining the joke, again.

00:37:08.200 Cole, did you say how you'd kill him?

00:37:09.680 You're welcome.

00:37:10.140 No, and I was trying to think while you're going, and the only thing I could think of

00:37:14.140 is toad.

00:37:15.480 Toad was also in the chat talking about how...

00:37:17.600 Fuck, I need to think.

00:37:19.860 Maybe quiet.

00:37:20.500 Wait, fuck, I got to think.

00:37:23.140 I can't do the thinking while I'm doing the talking.

00:37:25.720 Jesus Christ.

00:37:26.520 Toad thinks in written language, and Cole just thinks in memes.

00:37:30.460 It's just like meme, meme, meme.

00:37:31.880 Yeah, I think in computer code, really.

00:37:35.560 It's just that monkey with the fucking symbol.

00:37:37.840 Dude, I think I would actually fail the Turing test.

00:37:43.880 Which one is that?

00:37:44.740 I don't remember which one that is.

00:37:45.980 That's where you have to prove if a computer's intelligent or not.

00:37:49.080 Which means that Top will assume that I'm AI.

00:37:53.040 So now I'm a little bit terrified.

00:37:55.960 You're AI in human form, basically.

00:37:58.200 What I was going to do is Toad was also...

00:38:00.820 Kill Toad.

00:38:01.140 He was in the chat, and I think Top, remember, because Top responded to him.

00:38:04.980 He was basically saying, I'm too autistic to have viral tweets.

00:38:09.380 Isn't that what he said, Top?

00:38:10.380 Or he said, I put out bangers.

00:38:12.820 He said, I put out bangers, but I think too hard about it.

00:38:16.320 He's in denial.

00:38:17.520 Something like that.

00:38:18.240 I continue...

00:38:19.360 I just put out...

00:38:20.140 Massive, massive denial.

00:38:20.700 Somehow, I put out banger after banger.

00:38:23.140 Like, just viral treatment.

00:38:24.180 And then Toad's, all of his do, like, nothing.

00:38:26.760 Like, he keeps putting time and effort.

00:38:28.020 You know what's crazy?

00:38:28.660 Why are you beating up on him like this?

00:38:31.160 That was mean.

00:38:32.540 This is how I'm killing him.

00:38:33.460 This is how I'm killing him.

00:38:34.180 I don't really know about that.

00:38:35.100 Oh, you're driving him into...

00:38:36.520 Oh, you're doing it right now.

00:38:37.640 I got it, I got it.

00:38:38.620 I'm just putting out random shit, and it's going fucking viral.

00:38:42.340 And he's, like, putting time and effort, crafting these tweets he thinks are perfect.

00:38:46.300 And then they do, like, two likes.

00:38:48.300 No, isn't it crazy?

00:38:48.760 Somebody thinks...

00:38:49.240 I just kind of fire whatever I think.

00:38:50.760 No, you thinking in Twitter and then failing at Twitter is, like...

00:38:55.420 I can't even explain an analogy.

00:38:57.340 It's like me going viral more than somebody else in a different language.

00:39:01.860 Like, this is a language you think in, and you can't do it.

00:39:04.820 What the fuck?

00:39:05.140 I think if he can get more sure of himself, he'll hit his stride.

00:39:07.680 And Toad's had his moments where he's hit some strides.

00:39:10.020 I can't think of any examples off the top of my head.

00:39:13.140 Dude, I've had some great tweets.

00:39:16.160 We all know this.

00:39:17.500 You have.

00:39:18.080 I just can't think of them.

00:39:20.040 Believe me.

00:39:20.880 I feel like your 50s are going to be really good for you.

00:39:23.400 But, like, you've got 12 more years of misery in front of you, though.

00:39:27.500 Yeah.

00:39:28.660 I think Toad might have the best 50s out of all of us.

00:39:31.200 I might not make it.

00:39:31.780 Oh, for real.

00:39:33.280 That's what I meant by the best.

00:39:34.400 Toad's like, I might not make it.

00:39:36.220 You'll make it.

00:39:37.620 What was the lifespan of the autistic guy?

00:39:39.220 He just died, like the first autistic person.

00:39:41.300 Hey, pull up that hot retard when you get a chance.

00:39:44.200 The first autistic person?

00:39:45.800 What does it even mean?

00:39:46.720 No, no, that's true.

00:39:47.460 No, it's right.

00:39:48.560 The first person diagnosed with autism.

00:39:52.660 The original autist.

00:39:53.780 All right, all right.

00:39:54.360 This girl submitted.

00:39:55.820 This is an application to be your wife, Toad.

00:39:58.100 Go ahead and play it.

00:39:58.580 I accept.

00:39:59.260 If we ever broke up, I'll never be sad.

00:40:03.800 Think about everything that we had if we ever broke up.

00:40:09.480 If we ever broke up, I'd call your dad and tell them all the shittiest of things you said if we ever broke up.

00:40:15.620 Is it?

00:40:16.200 Is she really retarded?

00:40:16.760 Is the music off of the video because it's actually off from us seeing it?

00:40:21.260 Or is she just not retarded?

00:40:22.240 No, no, it's because she's slow.

00:40:23.080 That she's just way behind.

00:40:24.560 How come the music sounds like the person singing is retarded?

00:40:27.560 Yeah, no.

00:40:28.760 That's the modern music.

00:40:29.640 Cole, you didn't know that?

00:40:30.360 That is a phenomenon.

00:40:31.420 People who are retarded, when they're dancing, they're a little bit behind the whole time.

00:40:37.520 Did you just make that up on the fly?

00:40:38.800 That's impressive.

00:40:41.120 That would be really funny.

00:40:42.080 I don't know.

00:40:42.360 There's like an input lag to retards.

00:40:47.080 Dude, she...

00:40:47.860 That would make sense, actually.

00:40:48.960 Yeah, it does totally make sense.

00:40:49.980 She's definitely hot, and she's threatening me, I guess, in that video.

00:40:56.360 Oh, he was focusing on the lyrics.

00:40:58.200 I don't even know what the lyrics were.

00:41:00.520 No, I was just looking at her.

00:41:02.460 We'll be real sad.

00:41:04.320 Maybe this is why Joe never gets girls.

00:41:07.780 Yeah, because I listen to women.

00:41:10.380 It's a huge problem.

00:41:11.380 You hyper-focused on things.

00:41:14.320 The lyrics were...

00:41:16.220 She's just British.

00:41:17.460 Yeah, she's not actually retarded.

00:41:19.040 The lyrics were something to the effect of,

00:41:22.920 if we ever broke up, I would tell your dad all the shitty things that you said and did.

00:41:28.200 Didn't hear that at all.

00:41:29.760 That's what she said.

00:41:30.540 Toad's brain is working so different than the rest of us.

00:41:32.880 Yeah, I didn't overthink that.

00:41:34.240 I remember those words, but I didn't overthink it.

00:41:35.700 The lyrics were showing up in front of him, and he was reading them.

00:41:38.020 Dude, I'm on a different fucking plane, man.

00:41:42.260 Like, fucking...

00:41:43.060 Dude, this is why I get in all these...

00:41:44.540 This is why I'm a goddamn cat.

00:41:46.400 This is why I hate all these fucking, like, theorists on Twitter and all this shit.

00:41:50.440 Dude, yeah, you're a fucking libertarian.

00:41:51.920 Dude, I fucking transcend libertarianism.

00:41:54.700 What if we're the weird ones and Toad is normal?

00:41:58.020 Oh, that's definitely not true.

00:41:59.160 It checks out, actually.

00:42:00.160 I was saying...

00:42:00.780 Maybe we should be...

00:42:01.700 Somebody says it's not true, and then somebody says it completely checks out.

00:42:05.640 So, what are we talking about?

00:42:07.160 Not only does he talk in, like, reading sentences, he hears in reading sentences.

00:42:12.220 That's what I was like...

00:42:13.020 So, he hears words, but then they just come across.

00:42:15.700 And so, he's, like, reading it.

00:42:16.940 So, it's like the thing you see where the word comes across.

00:42:20.300 He has IRL captions.

00:42:22.800 So, like, if we ever talk to him, he's kind of slower.

00:42:25.160 Just, like, oh, you gotta wait.

00:42:25.940 He's reading the words you're saying to him.

00:42:28.880 I really want your honest answers, though.

00:42:32.020 Would.

00:42:32.540 Would you?

00:42:33.340 I don't know if that's an adult.

00:42:34.540 That's the thing, to be honest.

00:42:36.140 Well, assume she's 25.

00:42:37.280 Assume she...

00:42:38.120 I don't know.

00:42:38.420 I don't know.

00:42:39.600 Yes.

00:42:40.960 God.

00:42:41.500 I don't know if I could, honestly.

00:42:43.000 Would she barely looks retarded?

00:42:44.900 I know.

00:42:45.140 I'll grant you, she is weirdly hot, but it's like, you're immediately like, oh, fuck, she's retarded.

00:42:52.640 She's too thin for Jose.

00:42:55.300 Jose, you're saying that the totally wrong way.

00:42:57.120 She should be, ah.

00:42:57.720 I mean, if she was thicker, yeah, it might make the choice harder.

00:43:00.500 It's not the extra chromosome.

00:43:01.760 It's that she doesn't have an extra 20 pounds on her.

00:43:03.960 That's the real problem.

00:43:04.700 Yeah, but it is.

00:43:05.560 If it's a little bit thicker, this would be more of a Sophie's choice for me.

00:43:08.720 I'm going to be honest.

00:43:10.380 I'm going to be honest.

00:43:12.060 Sorry.

00:43:12.520 Real quick.

00:43:12.940 Real quick.

00:43:13.140 If I can fuck a normal chick retarded, I can fuck a retarded chick normal.

00:43:17.900 I think I can bring her back.

00:43:19.060 I don't think it works that way.

00:43:20.620 And you can fix her?

00:43:21.780 I can fix her.

00:43:23.100 No, no, no.

00:43:23.840 Here's a mic.

00:43:24.200 I can knock that extra chromosome right out of her head.

00:43:26.420 I was about to say something because I was like, I only think this works for women,

00:43:29.500 that they can absorb the extra chromosomes so they can make a retarded dude like normal

00:43:33.820 because they can absorb things.

00:43:35.760 They take.

00:43:36.280 Women take from us.

00:43:38.060 Demons.

00:43:38.700 Demons suck at us.

00:43:41.340 Shane Gillis' sister is hot.

00:43:43.600 Dude, Shane Gillis really does look retarded.

00:43:45.580 Sorry, go ahead.

00:43:46.020 I would just ask her how would she feel if she didn't have breakfast.

00:43:50.260 That's the only thing I would know.

00:43:51.100 Oh, that's how she feels if she didn't have this dick.

00:43:53.240 What?

00:43:53.800 But I ate breakfast today.

00:43:55.220 What the fuck are you talking about?

00:44:01.680 When her mouth is open, you just put your dick in it.

00:44:05.080 Toad, you'd wife her up for real though, right?

00:44:07.120 Oh, yeah.

00:44:07.420 Yeah, for sure.

00:44:08.060 Yeah.

00:44:08.840 Dude, they'd weirdly make a good...

00:44:10.540 I love this.

00:44:11.960 I love no thoughts.

00:44:13.240 For sure.

00:44:13.780 For sure, yeah.

00:44:14.760 I actually think they'd weirdly make a good match.

00:44:17.580 Yeah, imagine him walking around with her at Ford Fest.

00:44:20.340 I bet you know off the top of your head.

00:44:21.960 My IQ?

00:44:22.800 Yeah.

00:44:23.020 156.

00:44:24.360 I knew you would know that.

00:44:25.140 So, you are going to make a normal human being.

00:44:27.060 Is that high?

00:44:27.880 I don't even know what a fucking...

00:44:28.920 That's very high.

00:44:30.120 It's very high.

00:44:30.660 I'm 140 and he's 156.

00:44:34.040 He's super, super smart.

00:44:35.080 What do you think?

00:44:35.560 He also could just be lying.

00:44:37.440 He's probably dead.

00:44:38.420 I actually believe him.

00:44:39.760 No, I was tested because they wanted to skip me a head.

00:44:44.140 They're like, but you don't weigh enough.

00:44:46.200 They're like...

00:44:47.040 You can't have a 38 pound kid in high school.

00:44:50.260 Actually, yeah, that's true.

00:44:51.400 It's literally a safety hazard.

00:44:53.620 Yeah, I'm like 40 pounds basically in third grade or whatever.

00:44:57.240 These high schoolers would literally step on you, Toad.

00:44:59.340 You can't...

00:45:00.740 Yeah, just slow it down.

00:45:02.060 I know you're way smarter than the kids,

00:45:03.400 but stay in elementary school for now.

00:45:05.020 I'm 40 pounds in third grade or whatever.

00:45:06.840 They're like, we're going to move with your fourth grade.

00:45:08.480 And I'm like, these kids are all giants.

00:45:11.060 Her IQ is probably 75.

00:45:12.680 Yours is 156.

00:45:13.600 You have like a 115 kid.

00:45:15.140 Yeah, as I said, he's going to make a normal...

00:45:16.400 He's just going to make a normal person.

00:45:18.140 Yeah, I think it balances out.

00:45:20.400 I've never had this measured,

00:45:22.500 but has anybody else had their IQ measured, Jose?

00:45:26.020 Yeah.

00:45:26.320 I've done the stupid test online.

00:45:27.600 I never gave a shit.

00:45:29.480 Little like five minute IQ.

00:45:31.120 I've never given it.

00:45:31.740 I couldn't complete the test even.

00:45:33.620 He didn't even know.

00:45:35.320 Five minutes?

00:45:36.400 I got to read like two pages.

00:45:37.880 That's crazy.

00:45:38.460 Toad can tell us.

00:45:39.200 What's our IQ?

00:45:39.800 I really couldn't.

00:45:43.100 I'm really not sure.

00:45:45.420 You know what's really sad?

00:45:47.000 Is that like we're hoping that their offspring has his intelligence and her looks.

00:45:53.020 Well, think about it this way though.

00:45:56.740 A lot of the IQ tests...

00:45:58.360 That's what we want your children to have.

00:46:01.260 Sorry, go ahead.

00:46:01.960 A lot of the IQ tests, a lot of it is pattern recognition.

00:46:06.400 So if you're a racist, you're really good at it.

00:46:09.340 Yeah, if you're a noticer, yeah.

00:46:12.260 Yeah, all right.

00:46:14.160 Guess our IQ is a fucking jerk off.

00:46:16.340 Yeah, and then I got 1488 on the SATs.

00:46:20.740 Guess our IQs, please.

00:46:21.660 Clint already said what his is.

00:46:25.900 140s.

00:46:26.740 I guess that's good.

00:46:27.540 140s.

00:46:28.660 Top of...

00:46:30.340 No, I'm not 140s.

00:46:31.260 I'm 140 exactly.

00:46:32.300 If I was high 140s, I'd be too smart.

00:46:34.280 I'd be broken.

00:46:34.560 Top.

00:46:35.020 Top's a Puerto Rican.

00:46:36.200 Top.

00:46:36.560 I'd be broken.

00:46:38.080 I'd be fucked up like you.

00:46:42.160 I'm right at the perfect...

00:46:43.560 I'm at the sweet spot.

00:46:44.540 I'm the fucking...

00:46:45.460 The perfect porridge.

00:46:46.640 141 and I take up ukulele.

00:46:48.440 All right, so...

00:46:49.040 Top, top, I think...

00:46:50.280 Like, I would say...

00:46:53.400 The girls run away from me.

00:46:55.800 I would say, like, somewhere like...

00:46:58.280 That was so good call.

00:46:59.520 I would say Top's somewhere around, like, 130.

00:47:03.040 Why ukulele, man?

00:47:04.580 Then...

00:47:04.900 Why do you play that?

00:47:08.980 I'm sorry.

00:47:09.600 I'm listening.

00:47:10.100 I really want to hear this.

00:47:11.160 Jose, I think I'm thrown off by, like, the fact that he lisps and shit.

00:47:14.900 So, I don't know.

00:47:17.120 You know what?

00:47:17.840 That's fair.

00:47:19.380 You know what?

00:47:19.960 It's actually worked out really well for me in life because people see me and hear me

00:47:23.080 talk and, like, this motherfucker is retarded.

00:47:25.360 And I'm like, no, I'm just actually...

00:47:26.780 I'm actually pretty smart.

00:47:27.880 That's what people think about me, too.

00:47:29.400 Jose will go 120 and...

00:47:30.960 Jose said to Richard Booth today, he said, I only read one to two pages a day.

00:47:36.040 I legit do.

00:47:36.740 But I am constantly listening to podcasts or audiobooks as well.

00:47:39.420 But, like, when it comes to books, daily I'll read, like, at least...

00:47:42.340 I'll try to at least read a page or two.

00:47:44.740 But, like, some days, yeah, I'll read more.

00:47:46.520 You guys are a lot younger than me.

00:47:47.760 I didn't even know if you got my joke.

00:47:49.140 Did you get my joke?

00:47:50.040 What joke?

00:47:50.540 What joke?

00:47:50.740 I didn't even hear what you said.

00:47:51.420 You made a joke?

00:47:51.680 I said one to two pages a day.

00:47:53.520 What are you, a part-time drug dealer in the 1990s?

00:47:55.540 Oh, I did not get that.

00:47:56.680 I didn't get that at all.

00:47:58.360 That went over my head.

00:47:59.740 I couldn't even explain it to myself.

00:48:01.660 Let me explain the olden times.

00:48:03.060 The way that their customers would let them know that they needed a hookup was to page them.

00:48:08.760 So, it was a pager joke.

00:48:10.400 But I was like, they're all so young.

00:48:11.700 They won't even understand the joke.

00:48:12.660 You made a fucking pager joke?

00:48:14.120 I swear, you fucking fucker.

00:48:15.960 Yeah, that's out there.

00:48:17.140 And, by the way, I will go Cole.

00:48:18.840 You piece of shit.

00:48:20.520 Cole, because he's post-plasma to such a degree, I will go 90.

00:48:26.540 Wow.

00:48:28.560 Wow.

00:48:29.040 Hey, George.

00:48:29.860 You know that's like almost, like, I'm pretty sure 80 is like functionally retarded.

00:48:34.380 If Cole understood anything about IQ, he'd be really offended right now.

00:48:39.840 Wait, did you ever pick one for me, Toad?

00:48:42.720 Yeah, 120.

00:48:43.120 He said 120.

00:48:44.380 Damn, so you just went.

00:48:45.220 That's like, what, moderately?

00:48:46.820 That's like, kind of like on the upper end of the bell curve, right?

00:48:49.180 You think I'm smart?

00:48:50.020 I don't know what the peak is.

00:48:51.380 130 is genius.

00:48:52.920 So, you're slightly smarter.

00:48:54.040 Okay, yeah, I don't think I'm a genius, so I'm fine.

00:48:56.400 And just, I think I'm very smart, but I'm a genius.

00:48:59.340 Keeping in mind, like, pattern recognition and stuff, but I also, like, really was good

00:49:03.180 at math.

00:49:03.760 Wait.

00:49:03.900 Like, I got perfect, like, math SAT scores and SAT 2 and shit.

00:49:08.540 Cole, what's the elite score?

00:49:10.440 Like, 130 is like what they consider, like, a gifted genius kid.

00:49:13.960 You think I'm a genius?

00:49:15.620 You're retarded.

00:49:16.520 I don't understand.

00:49:19.300 No, you're right.

00:49:20.540 We're all retarded.

00:49:21.900 Everybody on Tower Gang has a 70 IQ.

00:49:24.620 That's the reality of it.

00:49:27.440 I think that's the better story to go with, because then when we say terrible things,

00:49:32.020 then we use bad work.

00:49:32.800 I was grading you on the bell curve.

00:49:35.120 Yeah, I agree with that.

00:49:36.860 Toad is in the 1.0% on IQ, and he's in the 1.0% on, like, weight as a child.

00:49:42.340 Yeah, yeah.

00:49:42.900 I was off the chart, way to the left in height and weight, and then way off the chart to

00:49:49.240 the right in IQ.

00:49:50.800 It's the way it is.

00:49:51.340 They're talking about, in the chat, about how there are a bunch of fucking losers in that,

00:49:55.780 like, above 145 range.

00:49:57.560 And I can, like, I knew so many guys that had, like, I knew a guy, like, two or three

00:50:03.040 guys growing up there.

00:50:03.680 It was fucked up, Clint.

00:50:04.460 Yeah, they were, like, funny, but fucked up.

00:50:09.520 No, and, well, I forget what the fuck I was even just going to say.

00:50:15.200 It's rough out here in the streets, Toad.

00:50:16.880 It's tough out here, man.

00:50:18.740 God damn it, man.

00:50:19.700 You got to keep up, brother.

00:50:20.680 He wants to laugh, too.

00:50:22.240 I'm just thinking of the Owen Benjamin critique video, where Homeboy's like, Toad's the resident

00:50:27.540 punching bag.

00:50:29.360 Dude, I watched that whole thing.

00:50:30.840 I thought it was hilarious.

00:50:31.840 I was, like, I would literally listen to the whole thing just laughing, like, this motherfucker.

00:50:36.340 Dude, the guy, he honestly hate or love Owen Benjamin.

00:50:40.580 You know what?

00:50:40.980 Even after all that, though, he gave us props.

00:50:42.840 He gave us props.

00:50:43.380 He's like, you know what?

00:50:43.980 That's a fucking, it's a good show.

00:50:45.780 He said he never laughed out loud once.

00:50:48.280 I was like, you lying, motherfucker.

00:50:49.580 Yeah, you did.

00:50:50.440 That's right.

00:50:51.340 He said he never laughed out loud.

00:50:53.100 Yeah, but then he, like, made a point to give props, so I'm like, come on, you did.

00:50:57.540 He did call us comedians, so.

00:50:59.500 Yeah, I know.

00:51:00.160 Oh, I was like, yo, are you fucking kidding me right now?

00:51:02.340 We're comedians.

00:51:04.040 AI is at, like, 115.

00:51:05.640 Oh.

00:51:05.940 So you're saying AI is smarter than me?

00:51:07.540 I'm concerned about that.

00:51:09.020 He's not that smart.

00:51:10.120 Oh, okay.

00:51:10.760 Yeah.

00:51:11.680 Thanks, Jose.

00:51:13.460 Yeah, I would put my, I agree with that, Toad, though.

00:51:15.560 I'd probably, look in the chart, I'd probably say I was, like, 120 to, under 130, but probably,

00:51:19.540 like, 115 to 120.

00:51:20.540 The test I've taken, I came out, like, 125.

00:51:23.740 Yeah.

00:51:24.420 What do you think Dave's IQ is?

00:51:27.040 Dave Smith?

00:51:28.080 Yeah.

00:51:29.240 He's probably 144.

00:51:30.940 That 145 looks like the line.

00:51:33.140 Somewhere.

00:51:33.760 Like, where you lose money.

00:51:34.460 Oh, yeah.

00:51:35.080 Yeah.

00:51:35.600 Because I can see where there are, like, tendencies and behaviors, and be like, oh, you could almost

00:51:38.940 I bet a lot of, I bet a lot of comedians have a really high IQ.

00:51:42.040 Like, the good ones.

00:51:43.420 Yeah.

00:51:43.800 Yeah.

00:51:44.680 Yeah.

00:51:44.920 Like, the one we had on last week, no.

00:51:46.780 But, like.

00:51:47.120 I bet Louis C.K. has probably got a really high IQ.

00:51:50.000 That's why he jerks off in front of people.

00:51:51.620 Yeah.

00:51:51.860 Yeah.

00:51:52.180 If you take that autism and apply it to comedy, I feel like you probably could really work

00:51:55.120 with it.

00:51:55.140 Do you think there's a correlation between high IQ and suicidal thoughts?

00:51:58.900 Yes.

00:51:59.200 Oh, I'm sure.

00:52:00.380 Absolutely.

00:52:00.640 Because you're actually, like, pondering deep thoughts where the troglodytes are just like,

00:52:04.780 I go work, I go home, I'm happy.

00:52:06.700 I go work, I go home, I'm happy.

00:52:14.100 By the way, I, uh.

00:52:15.160 I lift weight, sad voice, go away, I'm happy.

00:52:18.860 No, it's a beautiful way to lift, don't it?

00:52:20.760 I hold my calm, I fuck my wife.

00:52:23.200 I eat steak, I do bench press, I'm happy.

00:52:25.940 Yeah, one other thing about me, by the way, is I could read before I could walk.

00:52:31.040 That's so fucking gross.

00:52:32.800 Yeah.

00:52:33.020 Like, I could read, uh, like, words and, like, sentences at 16 months, and I couldn't

00:52:38.660 walk until I was hungry.

00:52:39.540 I was a horsey gump, but, like, the opposite end?

00:52:42.360 It's crazy.

00:52:42.900 You're pushing it, Toad.

00:52:44.060 Now you're getting to the point of, like, superhero-type shit.

00:52:46.780 Dude, I, dude, I would.

00:52:47.440 I don't think I believe this story anymore.

00:52:49.460 He's not a superhero.

00:52:50.340 He couldn't even fucking walk in a year and a half.

00:52:51.860 Dude, dude, I couldn't walk.

00:52:52.720 Yeah, Toad is Mr. Glass, apparently.

00:52:54.000 Dude, I couldn't walk.

00:52:54.960 I would, like, sit on the floor and have my mom, like, show me all these, like, flashcards of words

00:52:59.140 and stuff.

00:52:59.200 Why do you say mom?

00:53:00.100 Are you from fucking Great Britain?

00:53:01.380 Are you British?

00:53:02.160 Are you a fucking Redco?

00:53:03.440 I would, like, I would, like, learn to read that way, and then I was, like, studying

00:53:06.780 actresses and shit.

00:53:08.460 Yeah.

00:53:09.420 I'm a fed.

00:53:10.320 What's that agency over there?

00:53:11.760 Why do you say mom?

00:53:13.080 Mom.

00:53:13.660 Are you in my six, bro?

00:53:15.200 Mom?

00:53:15.700 I don't know.

00:53:16.460 What did I say?

00:53:17.440 I don't fucking know.

00:53:17.740 You said mom.

00:53:18.700 Mom?

00:53:18.940 Is that how you refer to your mom?

00:53:19.620 We just caught this motherfucker.

00:53:21.260 You fucking fed ass.

00:53:21.640 No, he says it all the time.

00:53:22.180 Yo, you're busted.

00:53:23.120 Fed, fed, fed.

00:53:24.700 You're fucking busted.

00:53:25.700 What do you think about fucking beans on toast, huh?

00:53:30.260 Answer me that.

00:53:31.460 You probably eat that shit.

00:53:32.860 I don't.

00:53:33.260 You eat beans on toast, don't you, bitch?

00:53:35.200 No.

00:53:35.340 No, but for real, did you call your mom mum?

00:53:37.460 Is that, like, or was that just, like, a weird slip?

00:53:39.220 You spell it M-U-M?

00:53:40.500 I don't know.

00:53:40.980 I wasn't thinking about it, but no, I spell it.

00:53:42.560 Well, how do you casually refer to your mom?

00:53:43.960 I spell it M-O-M.

00:53:45.580 But mom.

00:53:45.880 But not spelling, if you were to talk to, is this, like, where your autism is, like,

00:53:49.320 having struggle, like, if you were to casually refer to your mom, your mom to, like, her,

00:53:55.240 would you say mom?

00:53:56.120 When you say the word, how is it spelled out in your head?

00:53:59.300 M-O-M.

00:54:01.000 Okay.

00:54:03.240 Mom.

00:54:03.720 Weird.

00:54:04.540 Mom.

00:54:04.720 You know what?

00:54:05.060 I don't know.

00:54:05.620 I guess it might be, like, a bit of a New England thing that I think about.

00:54:07.940 Mom.

00:54:08.160 Dude, I think toe just slipped.

00:54:10.320 I think the mask just fucking fell off his face.

00:54:12.920 We got our eyes on you.

00:54:13.820 In New England, a lot of it, a lot of it is, you got, like, the Italian system.

00:54:17.240 A lot of it is ma.

00:54:18.540 Like, hey, ma.

00:54:19.600 Tom.

00:54:20.020 Tom, do you call your mom abuela?

00:54:22.820 No, that means grandma, you fucking idiot.

00:54:24.580 You're such a bitch.

00:54:26.220 Well.

00:54:28.160 You call your mom abuela.

00:54:29.740 I was like, that's two different words.

00:54:30.980 I, I, I, I, I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:54:35.600 It's such a condescendingly racist question, too.

00:54:39.300 I do call my mom by her grandma.

00:54:42.420 You call your mom grandma?

00:54:43.980 Well, I call her Nani, is what they call her.

00:54:46.780 That's what you're talking about to your child, though, right?

00:54:50.060 No, I still, it is confusing.

00:54:51.740 God damn it, you are a fucking ADIQ.

00:54:53.540 This is unbelievable right now.

00:54:54.540 No, but I mean, I guess I'll be like, we're going to go to Nani's house or something like that, but I guess I am talking to my kids.

00:55:00.760 Yeah, yeah, that makes sense, but when I'm talking to my mom, I say mom, when I'm talking to my kids, they call her abuela, so I'll say, go to abuela, so they know who I'm talking about.

00:55:11.400 Yeah, you do like the kid talk a little bit.

00:55:14.020 Yeah.

00:55:14.600 Yeah.

00:55:15.260 Hey, hey, we're not going to just move on past this, Toad.

00:55:17.780 You're British, and you fucking, you blew it, dude.

00:55:20.300 I've been having suspicions for a long time that he is.

00:55:22.440 That's why, that's why that Boston came out, because he does have a little, a touch of a New England accent, and so in his head, he was like, he maybe just forgot, like, fuck, I forgot, like, how, like, he had the calibration off of how, how Boston to go, you know, and he's like, shit, now my cover's blown.

00:55:40.300 He's getting, like, real uncomfortable.

00:55:41.640 Look at him squirming.

00:55:42.600 Yeah, we thought, we thought, we thought that we were surrounded by FBI agents.

00:55:45.660 It's actually MI6, and Toad's the guy.

00:55:48.140 Unbelievable.

00:55:48.340 You know what's crazy?

00:55:49.180 It's fucking global.

00:55:50.340 Who gives a fuck?

00:55:51.080 If, imagine MI6 was investigating people, like, so what?

00:55:53.980 What are you, like, what are you going to do?

00:55:54.820 Yeah, I'm not going to fucking saw off your shotgun.

00:55:56.240 Oh, it's going to make the show huge, dude.

00:55:58.920 Dude, just because I eat fish and chips, and I know how to pronounce schmiddix.

00:56:04.040 I don't even know what that is.

00:56:04.520 Doesn't mean I'm British.

00:56:05.800 I feel like you mispronounced that.

00:56:07.060 So, the way.

00:56:07.760 So, me and Elizabeth tried domination last night.

00:56:10.320 Okay.

00:56:11.220 I was going to go somewhere else.

00:56:11.960 You choke her a little bit.

00:56:12.620 Oh, that's it.

00:56:13.620 No, no, I want, I want graphic detail.

00:56:15.240 Do you have any bruises?

00:56:16.000 Don't do that.

00:56:16.560 That's a trap, dude.

00:56:17.160 Who was the dominator in this scenario?

00:56:20.280 Me.

00:56:20.620 So, Elizabeth is usually the, she likes to be the dominant one.

00:56:23.040 Oh, she wanted you to dominate her.

00:56:25.020 Interesting.

00:56:25.360 Yeah, she did.

00:56:26.200 Yeah, like.

00:56:26.680 Oh, kind of.

00:56:27.260 It was like, she was like saying, like.

00:56:28.900 Change of pace.

00:56:29.120 Beat the shit out of her, or what?

00:56:30.400 Change of pace.

00:56:31.060 No, I actually.

00:56:32.760 Spit in my mouth.

00:56:33.900 Because I was like, well, let's set up a safe word.

00:56:36.080 And so, she was like, how about stop?

00:56:37.460 And I was like, stop isn't going to work.

00:56:39.340 If you say stop, I'm going to keep going.

00:56:40.740 Like, that's not going to stop me.

00:56:41.980 That just turns me on.

00:56:43.520 Yeah, I was like.

00:56:45.300 What kind of shit are we talking here?

00:56:46.760 Like, how are you, what do you mean I'll keep going?

00:56:48.820 What are we doing?

00:56:49.200 Do you fist her?

00:56:49.720 What'd you do?

00:56:50.280 You can't be too crazy.

00:56:52.360 You'll get in trouble with Liz.

00:56:53.680 She just had a baby.

00:56:54.860 If you're going to do it, now's the time.

00:56:55.980 Just fucking get in there, baby.

00:56:58.040 Dude, if I fist her, my, like, my penis is never going to be enough anymore.

00:57:04.560 I can't even comprehend the concept of that.

00:57:07.140 Like, you see that, but it's just like, I don't know, maybe just my interactions with

00:57:11.640 the vagina is I'm just like, a fist in there?

00:57:14.220 What?

00:57:15.060 I like how Jose is always so proper.

00:57:17.240 He's like, I've never contemplated the act of fisting.

00:57:19.580 Yeah, I've never put a fist in a vagina.

00:57:21.440 I could say that safely.

00:57:22.580 I mean, it makes sense if you actually see a birth.

00:57:25.380 When you see a birth happen, you're like, I guess a fist could fit in there.

00:57:28.500 But also, it did, like, destroy them for, like, six weeks.

00:57:31.660 Oh, yeah, you know what damage it left behind.

00:57:33.660 What about your entire head?

00:57:38.040 I've never done that.

00:57:39.020 I have a huge head.

00:57:39.540 I don't know.

00:57:40.400 All right.

00:57:41.020 I mean, like, you're like, I get the concept that theoretically can open that, but the damage.

00:57:45.860 Yeah, I get it.

00:57:47.540 But should you?

00:57:48.160 I care about my wife.

00:57:49.440 It sounds really fun to fist her, but the next day, she's going to be complaining so much.

00:57:54.420 This is a woman I love.

00:57:56.040 Well, yeah, there are actually three big problems with that.

00:57:59.540 One is that your dick won't seem as big.

00:58:01.820 Two is that you're going to loosen her pussy.

00:58:03.620 And three is that she's going to be bitching about it.

00:58:06.000 Now I'm thinking of anything he says, I'm thinking of it analytically.

00:58:09.120 Like, do any of these words make any kind of wordplay?

00:58:13.100 What's he thinking?

00:58:14.020 And then that one, just nothing.

00:58:15.720 Just never read.

00:58:16.760 Maybe if we figure this out, he becomes, like, infinitely more funny.

00:58:22.040 Like, and then we just, like, wow.

00:58:23.580 Like, we just missed this shit the entire day.

00:58:26.040 That's honestly what Toad thinks about himself.

00:58:28.700 He thinks that he's so funny and so much smarter than all of us that we don't get his jokes.

00:58:32.260 He honestly believes he's the funniest one on the show.

00:58:34.620 He honestly does.

00:58:35.460 And honestly, he does.

00:58:37.200 He probably is right.

00:58:38.620 He's probably right.

00:58:38.960 He might be.

00:58:39.460 He might be.

00:58:40.040 But none of us are smart enough to understand what the fuck he's going with.

00:58:42.280 Because he's, like, running game scenarios in his head and, like, a million bangers he probably throws out.

00:58:47.140 There's MIT professors watching this show laughing their ass off at them.

00:58:50.180 Exactly.

00:58:50.760 Remember when we went down that medical profession line of joking and he was just, like, heart surgeon level humor?

00:58:58.860 And we're, like, what the fuck are you talking about?

00:59:00.880 This would kill at the cardiovascular convention, you know?

00:59:03.520 Yeah, exactly.

00:59:04.600 Moral sex.

00:59:05.460 Exactly.

00:59:07.260 Cole, I'm going to need fucking some details here, bro.

00:59:09.860 Okay, yeah.

00:59:10.320 Yeah, I'm waiting.

00:59:11.080 It just started because I can't remember.

00:59:12.860 Now I'm uncomfortable because I know my wife watches.

00:59:15.520 No, no, no.

00:59:16.360 I don't think she's watching right now.

00:59:17.960 I think she went to bed.

00:59:20.160 Oh, no.

00:59:22.980 I'm touching that.

00:59:23.720 She pissed off.

00:59:24.940 Did Josie piss on your clean clothes again?

00:59:29.160 So, I mean, I was, like, I was begging her all day.

00:59:33.820 Not begging, but I was, like, you know, trying to get it in all day.

00:59:37.240 Begging, let me beat you.

00:59:38.160 Let me beat me.

00:59:38.780 Let me beat you.

00:59:39.540 No, no, no, no.

00:59:40.220 But I was, like, I was one of a criminal pussy all day.

00:59:42.400 You said I could beat you.

00:59:43.080 You said I could beat you.

00:59:43.920 Please, please let me be the dominant one for once.

00:59:46.600 One time.

00:59:46.680 It's always, and I was, like, you know, something came up about you.

00:59:50.340 Wait, let me know real quick.

00:59:51.760 Did she start the day off by going, like, we're going to have you dominate me tonight?

00:59:56.280 And then did you spend the rest of the day, like, toughening your knuckles on high trees?

00:59:59.620 But tonight, you're going to beat the shit out of me and fuck the shit out of me.

01:00:02.120 No, no, no.

01:00:02.660 That didn't happen.

01:00:03.700 It was just, like, me just all day being, like, trying to get a crumb of pussy.

01:00:08.020 Just all day.

01:00:08.740 Just, I mean, Top and Jose understand what it's like.

01:00:10.760 Oh, yeah.

01:00:11.240 It's a constant, like, struggle for you.

01:00:12.780 You go up behind him.

01:00:13.860 You grab him.

01:00:14.380 You're just like, okay, how about now?

01:00:15.760 Let's fucking go.

01:00:16.120 If she consented to this game, is it rape?

01:00:18.200 Because it's almost, like, really easy to trick her.

01:00:19.880 You consented to this game called marriage.

01:00:21.360 I did bring up, I said, are you wanting consensual non-consent?

01:00:25.760 And she says, I don't get that.

01:00:27.140 And I was like, it's like rape, but it's not.

01:00:28.860 And she was like, you're going to rape me?

01:00:31.500 And I was like, no, I'm not going to rape you.

01:00:32.900 Honey, do you want me to rape you?

01:00:35.840 But what she said, she was, something came up and she was like, do you think you can overpower me?

01:00:41.720 And I was like, 100% I could overpower you.

01:00:45.400 And she was like.

01:00:46.180 Did she actually ask that question?

01:00:48.180 Yeah.

01:00:48.380 I would feel insulted if my wife asked that question.

01:00:51.720 Like, are you fucking kidding me?

01:00:53.380 She was like, you really think you could?

01:00:55.080 I was like, yes, I could put you down and fuck you if I really wanted to.

01:00:59.580 She was like, do you want to?

01:01:01.500 Oh, I see what you're saying.

01:01:03.300 And I was like, well, I mean, we can try.

01:01:05.260 And she tried to fight you?

01:01:06.000 How much energy, how much of your power did you use?

01:01:09.140 How much of a hole did her head put in the wall?

01:01:14.900 How much of your power did you use on, like, from, like, 0% to 100% of your power?

01:01:19.500 I'm assuming she's struggling.

01:01:20.760 I didn't even, like, because, like, so it's.

01:01:23.920 Hey, this is Cole preparing.

01:01:38.800 Oh, my God.

01:01:39.780 Yo, yo, yo, scroll up.

01:01:41.080 He says, me outside the battered women's shoulder.

01:01:43.360 So fucking brilliant.

01:01:46.720 Faceless, man.

01:01:47.900 Shout out, Faceless.

01:01:48.660 By the way, I am so heartbroken I wasn't here for that.

01:01:51.600 Like, he and I are both SoCal scumbags.

01:01:53.720 Like, it would have been fucking amazing.

01:01:55.040 Dude, I got to say real quick.

01:01:56.360 There are people in the chat genuinely concerned that you put this on video.

01:01:59.900 That you, people would be like, oh, my God, he raped his wife.

01:02:02.720 No, no, no, no.

01:02:03.560 Because it wasn't even.

01:02:05.340 No, his wife.

01:02:06.620 Okay, yeah, start that scandal.

01:02:08.200 Go ahead.

01:02:08.660 Have fun with that.

01:02:09.520 Pop off on Twitter, guys.

01:02:11.340 Cole's wife's the type of nigga to get her husband arrested on some, like, dumb shit like this.

01:02:16.960 Oh, man.

01:02:17.660 Liz wouldn't do that.

01:02:18.900 The gang doesn't rape.

01:02:19.620 No, it was a consensual rape.

01:02:25.320 I feel like if we bring up the Josie story one more time, we could probably get Cole arrested for rape.

01:02:31.720 That's what she gets so upset, she posted.

01:02:33.940 For real.

01:02:34.800 No, I didn't video this.

01:02:37.660 I know you wouldn't.

01:02:39.240 You're not that retarded, but not that she.

01:02:42.280 No, because what happened was, I was like, fine, we'll do this.

01:02:46.960 Let's set up a safe word, and I was like, she was like, all right, pickles.

01:02:50.740 And I was like, whatever, pickles, safe word.

01:02:53.460 Immediately, like, right at that moment, it's like, so we're both standing there, and I think I'm, like, fully naked at that moment.

01:03:00.600 She's, like, in, like, shorts.

01:03:02.040 I just take the shorts, and I just rip them off.

01:03:04.880 And she goes, pickles.

01:03:06.560 And I was like, okay, no, no, no, no.

01:03:08.940 This is way too early.

01:03:11.040 Wait, no, you said I was getting a rape, and I'm getting one.

01:03:16.960 Time to play a game.

01:03:18.980 Well, you see, you see.

01:03:19.980 I mean, just no resistance.

01:03:21.500 I thought we agreed on Cucumber.

01:03:23.500 You realize why this was happening, though?

01:03:25.720 It's because we had Faceless on the previous episode.

01:03:28.880 That turned Cole's wife on, and then she wanted him to, like, become more like that.

01:03:33.820 She was like, wear a ski mask and break into the house.

01:03:37.420 Tell me you just stole a catalytic converter.

01:03:40.220 The rhythm of Toe's jokes make a lot more sense when you think that he's reading them.

01:03:44.100 Yeah, no, I'm starting to get it.

01:03:46.580 He's mentally typing on a tweet.

01:03:48.240 All right, I got to, like, look away and just listen.

01:03:51.820 Don't look at me.

01:03:52.880 Do not look at me, goddammit.

01:03:54.960 Yeah, if you do kind of turn and listen as you talk and just soak it in, you're like, oh, yeah.

01:03:59.420 I get it.

01:04:00.160 It's not funny, but I get it.

01:04:02.360 Well, Dickie, whenever Toe talks, can you, like, type it out and then put it up on the screen?

01:04:06.780 That might be funnier, actually.

01:04:07.880 That way we can read it and then laugh.

01:04:09.620 I'll do this the whole time.

01:04:12.040 Perfect.

01:04:12.360 I'll be way funnier.

01:04:14.540 No, that's distracting.

01:04:15.860 I don't know why.

01:04:16.480 Little Dickie gave me the fucking balls.

01:04:18.340 Cole, Cole, please, please finish.

01:04:19.880 You pants her.

01:04:20.860 She says pickles.

01:04:22.080 What happened?

01:04:22.340 Yeah, so we stop and I was like, no, no, no.

01:04:24.020 She was, but the whole time she's, like, laughing.

01:04:26.520 But I think it's, like, this weird, like, anxiety laugh because after that I, like, started laughing.

01:04:31.220 She saw you were dead serious.

01:04:34.160 Dude, this is totally coming down.

01:04:36.060 So after she says pickles, you proceed?

01:04:38.360 Proceed?

01:04:39.680 Well, I go, like, no, we're not stopping now.

01:04:42.040 I was like, okay.

01:04:43.700 Oh, I stopped and I said, I talked to them.

01:04:46.080 I was like, no, you can't.

01:04:46.880 I just took your pants off.

01:04:48.340 That's it.

01:04:49.320 What?

01:04:50.220 I would suggest shutting the fuck up for a little reason.

01:04:53.040 Oh, my God.

01:04:54.820 Josie, no.

01:04:55.820 Josie, don't do it.

01:04:56.700 Oh, no.

01:04:57.320 Josie, don't say that.

01:04:58.420 Josie, I don't think you realize, like, she is.

01:05:00.060 I think someone made a fake profile.

01:05:01.580 I don't think that's her.

01:05:02.620 I think it's her.

01:05:03.340 All you got to just name it that.

01:05:05.280 No, that's her.

01:05:06.120 I think that is her.

01:05:07.620 Guys, she's rebranded to the blonde-headed libertarian.

01:05:10.720 This is, like, a real woman.

01:05:12.280 This is, like, a war, yo.

01:05:13.640 Yeah.

01:05:14.000 Are they really beefing?

01:05:16.040 Yeah.

01:05:16.300 I guess.

01:05:17.000 I don't think Josie's really beefing, but I think Liz is definitely beefing.

01:05:20.220 What the fuck?

01:05:20.640 Women, stop.

01:05:23.080 Who cares?

01:05:25.020 Can I use pickles?

01:05:26.500 Is it working now?

01:05:27.260 I would actually go with the trans on that one.

01:05:30.680 I would rather have a trans than a Nazi rough up my wife.

01:05:32.900 Because a Nazi could put in work.

01:05:34.660 Oh, yeah.

01:05:35.100 I feel like a Nazi would have more, like, regard for your life.

01:05:38.020 Real quick, for the record, Cole, make sure you make it clear you got consent.

01:05:43.480 I feel like a Nazi would have more regard.

01:05:44.600 I missed Top's joke because Jose was talking to me.

01:05:47.700 I'm just trying to save my buddy.

01:05:49.460 Well, the whole scenario depends on whether or not you actually want your wife to get beaten up or not.

01:05:54.540 What?

01:05:55.200 Who doesn't sometimes?

01:05:56.560 Oh, the question.

01:05:57.420 The question.

01:05:58.620 Pull it back up.

01:05:59.680 Whatever it was.

01:06:00.480 What?

01:06:00.780 I'm lost.

01:06:02.560 Yeah.

01:06:02.940 Who would you rather rough up your wife?

01:06:05.600 Oh, yeah.

01:06:05.960 I didn't even see that.

01:06:07.120 Oh, that's actually a hard one.

01:06:09.260 I'm going to do what the people in all of my comics are doing.

01:06:13.600 It depends on which version of Nazi.

01:06:15.880 You're talking about 1942 Nazi?

01:06:18.840 Like, actually, from Germany?

01:06:20.800 Or a Nazi today, which is just a dude in his, like, mom's basement that literally is just like...

01:06:25.120 Dude, dude, I would have...

01:06:26.360 A real Nazi.

01:06:27.080 A real Nazi.

01:06:27.740 Dude, I would have fucking...

01:06:28.900 I would have Mengele perform experiments on that bitch, man.

01:06:32.180 I definitely...

01:06:33.160 I want the dude to be on estrogen if he's going to be beating up my wife.

01:06:37.960 Who's to say what type of trans?

01:06:39.340 It could be a female to male.

01:06:40.880 It could be, like, what's that?

01:06:41.780 That ain't scary.

01:06:42.320 Yeah, that's still, like, an inferior man.

01:06:44.880 So, like, whatever.

01:06:46.000 It's just a lot more than a woman.

01:06:48.460 This is a good question.

01:06:49.440 Who do you think you'd have a harder time with?

01:06:50.960 Female to male or male to female?

01:06:52.660 Because I say the female to male is in serious trouble.

01:06:56.360 Oh, yeah.

01:06:56.720 No, no, male to female is obviously stronger.

01:06:58.640 What's that, Asher's name?

01:07:00.180 I'd break her shit up.

01:07:01.100 It totally depends because, like, the swimmer, the male to the Leah Thomas, like, that's a big dude.

01:07:08.000 Like, I mean, it's 6'2 or whatever and probably still can probably fuck up.

01:07:11.980 Probably taller than that.

01:07:12.400 Oh, Leah Thomas is fucking going to sleep, dude.

01:07:15.580 Not even an issue.

01:07:16.940 Yeah, but...

01:07:17.980 I mean...

01:07:18.880 You honestly think you can't take Leah Thomas?

01:07:21.540 She's a D1 swimmer.

01:07:24.140 She's got marriage.

01:07:24.840 See, Leah Thomas beat your ass.

01:07:27.160 I'm sorry.

01:07:27.360 She's got endurance.

01:07:28.300 Like, she's going to...

01:07:28.880 I can't take her to the fifth round, man.

01:07:30.600 She's probably got mad reach, too.

01:07:32.440 Like, she's...

01:07:32.720 Mad reach and endurance, but also...

01:07:34.960 Dude, someone brings a specks on Leah Thomas.

01:07:37.020 For real.

01:07:37.220 I don't even think they were doing...

01:07:38.360 She was doing a...

01:07:39.160 6'3, 200.

01:07:40.660 6'3?

01:07:41.400 Yeah.

01:07:41.600 Jesus Christ.

01:07:42.580 I'm 6'1, 2, 15, dude.

01:07:44.120 I know, but I feel like someone trying to pretend to be a woman.

01:07:48.060 Now I'm getting all fucking juiced up.

01:07:49.700 Let's go, Leah.

01:07:51.640 She still has a peen or two.

01:07:53.440 Yeah, like, that's...

01:07:54.840 I don't know how much estrogen she really was taking.

01:07:56.540 If he's not on estrogen, then it's just a he, and then that's not really fair.

01:07:59.680 Dude, Leah Thomas, his balls are probably, like, at my, like, hand level, so I would

01:08:05.140 just punch him in the balls.

01:08:06.720 I think it would be over.

01:08:07.760 I think I could take Leah Thomas in a sword fight.

01:08:10.120 Dude, her balls are at your fucking shoulder level.

01:08:12.680 Oh, yeah, dude.

01:08:12.740 They're so wanky and awkward.

01:08:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:08:14.260 Yeah, exactly.

01:08:15.800 You said at hand level.

01:08:17.740 Well, same thing.

01:08:18.640 His balls are probably at my hand level, so I can...

01:08:20.280 But we really do a thing.

01:08:23.080 His balls are probably at my hand level, so I can hit him in the balls.

01:08:27.480 Yeah, that's good.

01:08:28.080 That's really funny.

01:08:29.280 That's right.

01:08:30.120 That's funny.

01:08:30.640 That was much better.

01:08:31.540 That was much better.

01:08:33.440 I would...

01:08:34.240 Yeah, instead of talking, I'd like you to type out everything, if you don't mind.

01:08:37.060 I'd like you to type out a second time.

01:08:38.120 Like an AI chat bot.

01:08:40.820 Yeah, I'll go speech attacks from now on.

01:08:43.340 All right, Cole, so do you fuck your wife, or do you just beat her up?

01:08:46.820 What happens?

01:08:47.240 We do end up having sex.

01:08:48.260 And be clear that you obtained consent.

01:08:50.180 Yes, I got consent.

01:08:51.180 Yes, there was no...

01:08:52.300 She said pickles, and then you raped her.

01:08:53.860 It's cool.

01:08:54.480 I'm cool with it.

01:08:55.360 It's consent, guys.

01:08:56.940 I got consent like four years ago, whenever she signed the marriage line.

01:08:59.920 There you go.

01:09:01.020 There you go.

01:09:01.980 There you go.

01:09:02.540 Now we're talking.

01:09:03.640 She can't ever say no.

01:09:04.720 You're a rapist, and you just admitted it.

01:09:12.460 Awesome.

01:09:13.740 I asked my wife if I could rape.

01:09:15.800 I said, is it rape?

01:09:16.800 Could you rape...

01:09:17.840 Could a husband rape a wife?

01:09:18.820 I feel like every wife and husband have had this talk.

01:09:21.100 It's a weird...

01:09:21.680 Where they're like, I think I'd like to be raped.

01:09:23.460 And you're like, what are you talking about, you silly bitch?

01:09:25.880 Yeah, it's a rape fantasy, man.

01:09:27.920 You ever rape your wife?

01:09:29.860 No, that's what I was saying.

01:09:30.720 I asked her.

01:09:31.940 I was like, could...

01:09:33.100 It's a funny question to ask.

01:09:34.720 And she was like, yeah, that's rape stupid.

01:09:38.180 And I was kind of like, well, I guess I'm not going to ask about it then.

01:09:42.760 Cole is an R-A.

01:09:44.280 It's like at that time you put your penis back into your pants, and you're just like,

01:09:47.460 all right, I guess not tonight.

01:09:51.180 Kind of defeats the purpose of the whole rape if you ask first, doesn't it?

01:09:55.020 It does, but I was easing her into it.

01:09:58.080 Easing her into the rape?

01:09:58.920 Well, I saw a video today, and it was like, oh.

01:10:01.880 We'll do a pepper, a little bit of rape in each time.

01:10:04.720 I'm just working my way towards the full-blown rape.

01:10:09.020 I'm just working my way back to rape.

01:10:12.560 I just don't think the mood was set great for rape play last night.

01:10:17.320 It's just like, because I went to like...

01:10:19.060 The kid was crying.

01:10:21.060 Dude, with a safe word like pickles, yeah, you are already not having a very sexual interaction.

01:10:25.360 Well, because then I did the whole thing of holding her arms down, but then I kept getting

01:10:31.500 on her hair, and she was like, you're fucking on my hair.

01:10:33.720 And I was just like, I'm sorry.

01:10:35.720 You should have said, shut up!

01:10:37.700 Yeah.

01:10:38.620 And then I was like, I just went in to kiss her neck, and she's like, that fucking tickle

01:10:43.100 stop, and I was like, shut up!

01:10:45.100 I ain't asking you shit, bitch!

01:10:46.520 You fucking signed a marriage license four years ago, bitch!

01:10:51.660 No, you don't do this to me.

01:10:53.340 This is total...

01:10:53.840 I don't think the mood was set for rape play.

01:10:56.060 No, I'm not allowing this.

01:10:57.380 No.

01:10:57.880 No.

01:10:58.940 No.

01:10:59.400 Toad only.

01:10:59.920 You bring up memes for Cole.

01:11:04.700 We should never do that again.

01:11:05.680 Yeah, you're making a meme.

01:11:07.640 Cole made me nervous.

01:11:08.800 I've never seen him that angry.

01:11:10.200 Did you see how kind of legitimately mad he was for a second?

01:11:12.660 That's how angry I was last night.

01:11:13.840 Don't give me words!

01:11:16.600 Don't make me read!

01:11:17.500 Don't make me feel about words.

01:11:20.260 No, it's seriously, though, because then it just went into just regular sex.

01:11:25.920 Regular Cole being the submissive.

01:11:28.000 We do a little bit of rape, and then we do a little bit of sex.

01:11:30.200 Is she constantly correcting you?

01:11:31.580 She's like, not like that.

01:11:32.540 Don't do this.

01:11:33.240 I don't like that.

01:11:33.660 Do it this way, honey.

01:11:36.380 No, but I mean, like, the craziest thing I got, I was just like, I want to do it from

01:11:40.240 behind now, and then she was like, okay.

01:11:42.560 Hey, why don't you have sex with her and then have her finish you off with her mouth?

01:11:46.620 Have her finish you off with her mouth?

01:11:47.820 Stop kissing my neck.

01:11:48.420 It's tickles.

01:11:49.100 It's BDSM.

01:11:49.680 Because I don't know why you would come out of the vagina and then...

01:11:53.200 Because you've never come from a blowjob, and you need to.

01:11:56.400 Exactly.

01:11:57.460 I don't know what...

01:11:57.960 Do you think she's going to do it?

01:11:58.800 Is anybody going to give me, like, yes, I'd rather be in a mouth than a vagina?

01:12:01.840 Do you think...

01:12:02.420 No, wait.

01:12:02.640 Do you think your wife could...

01:12:03.580 Yes.

01:12:03.700 Oh, my God.

01:12:04.580 Bomb head is superior to the bestest of pussy.

01:12:07.420 Wait.

01:12:07.900 What if Cole's wife...

01:12:09.960 You dumb bitch.

01:12:11.420 You dumb bitch.

01:12:12.200 My bad.

01:12:12.940 Listen, is there any pussy that can deliver the mythical?

01:12:17.580 What if Cole's wife is so bad at head that she fucks him?

01:12:21.100 She fucks him all the way almost until he comes, and then she tries to finish it off with

01:12:24.880 her mouth, and he's just like...

01:12:26.220 And then he's...

01:12:26.720 And still can't come.

01:12:28.140 That's the way...

01:12:29.280 That's the way you know.

01:12:30.780 Wait a minute.

01:12:31.460 I think I have the solution.

01:12:33.220 Cole.

01:12:33.720 I'm going to defend my wife here.

01:12:34.660 She's good at giving head.

01:12:36.280 You don't know that.

01:12:37.820 No.

01:12:38.260 Yes, I do.

01:12:38.920 She's apparently not.

01:12:39.840 You never come from a blowjob.

01:12:41.600 You don't know.

01:12:42.300 Yes, but it's not because...

01:12:43.800 She's definitely not a mythical.

01:12:43.820 But it's like...

01:12:44.680 Oh, nice shirt.

01:12:45.700 ...you come from a blowjob within, like, 45 seconds.

01:12:49.440 I feel like he got, like, mouth raped when he was a kid, and he just had to look like

01:12:52.500 a lot of a blowjob.

01:12:52.620 Wait, wait, wait.

01:12:53.040 Why does she only blow you for 45 seconds?

01:12:56.000 Because, like, she's like...

01:12:57.120 Because...

01:12:57.560 She's a complainer.

01:12:58.720 It's not a bad blowjob.

01:13:00.000 It's true.

01:13:00.760 Yeah.

01:13:01.400 No, but...

01:13:02.000 She bosses you around, Cole.

01:13:03.180 By definition, I think it is...

01:13:04.420 Cole, have you...

01:13:05.000 I'm the man around here.

01:13:06.180 Well, listen, given...

01:13:08.180 I was playing...

01:13:09.300 I'm the one doing the rape.

01:13:10.580 Wait, wait, wait.

01:13:11.100 Given the Cole...

01:13:12.300 Given the Cole gets...

01:13:14.100 We know the Cole gets super hard when he's taking his shit.

01:13:17.060 Have you ever tried a Blumpkin?

01:13:19.680 Ugh.

01:13:20.220 That's just gross.

01:13:20.900 No.

01:13:21.040 That's gross.

01:13:21.320 I wouldn't even want that.

01:13:22.380 That might be...

01:13:22.940 I respect women too much for that, and I don't respect women hardly at all.

01:13:25.700 That might be the way that it happens, man.

01:13:27.960 I'm just saying.

01:13:29.280 I mean, maybe it feels great if you can get past it, but...

01:13:32.000 I would never do that to a woman.

01:13:33.240 That's terrible.

01:13:34.060 Yeah, I don't know.

01:13:34.440 That's gross.

01:13:34.500 That's like eating on the toilet bowl.

01:13:35.660 And I've raped dozens of women, and I would never make a movie for a woman.

01:13:39.220 Dude, it's a dominant move.

01:13:41.360 It's a Chad move.

01:13:42.340 What is the limit of the things you'll do on a toilet while taking a shit?

01:13:47.380 There has to be a line where you'll be like, okay, I'll do like this, but not that.

01:13:51.020 I won't eat it.

01:13:52.320 That's my line.

01:13:53.100 I would drink something.

01:13:54.720 No.

01:13:55.120 I would drink something on a toilet.

01:13:56.440 I've drank coffee while I shit, now that I think about it.

01:13:58.520 No, I don't want to do anything.

01:14:00.240 Just put on my phone on Twitter, just drink a coffee while I shit.

01:14:02.720 No, none of that.

01:14:03.660 Go in, squatty potty.

01:14:05.080 It takes like a second, like two seconds.

01:14:06.860 He's like, I go in on my squatty potty.

01:14:08.860 I sit down, I pass out for 30 seconds.

01:14:10.940 Dude, I shit like an Asian.

01:14:13.940 Dude, are you saying that you've ever jerked off on a toilet?

01:14:17.060 Have I ever jerked off on a toilet?

01:14:18.580 I don't believe I have.

01:14:20.700 No.

01:14:21.360 I do not believe you at all.

01:14:22.500 I have never.

01:14:23.520 You should be jerking off while shit.

01:14:24.520 It's unhealthy to just like always be like, I gotta poop quick and get out.

01:14:27.940 We're not all you, Cole.

01:14:30.440 We're not all you.

01:14:31.220 And no, in fact, what I do is healthier because it straightens the colon.

01:14:36.240 So you're not having to push anything off.

01:14:39.160 It's not cinching your colon.

01:14:40.380 You ever take a shit, stand up, turn around, and then jerk off right on top of the shit

01:14:44.200 without flushing?

01:14:44.700 What?

01:14:45.300 Absolutely not.

01:14:46.340 Without stuffing at all.

01:14:48.140 Oh, no one knows that.

01:14:50.480 That is Jeffrey Dahmer type of shit right there.

01:14:53.180 That is a disturbed mind.

01:14:56.360 Does looking at your own fecal matter make you cum hard?

01:14:59.820 No.

01:15:00.520 No, just stare at the top.

01:15:02.160 No, it does not.

01:15:03.480 It's like a brown, like the right place.

01:15:05.120 Oh, okay, guys.

01:15:07.180 Yeah, me neither.

01:15:08.000 Me neither.

01:15:08.360 I was just fucking kidding.

01:15:09.140 I was just throwing out hypotheticals here.

01:15:14.320 Oh, you're so weird about that.

01:15:15.480 I don't know.

01:15:16.080 You just admitted your feet last week, and now he's fucking, you guys ever jerk off to

01:15:20.160 fecal matter?

01:15:21.900 We should put our thinking caps on and just think about this crazy thing no one does.

01:15:25.800 I'm 100% sure there's a name for if you cum on your, on like a floating turd.

01:15:29.960 It's got to be a name for that.

01:15:31.240 Yeah, it's the, uh, the...

01:15:32.900 Oh, yeah, this is Top, yeah.

01:15:34.420 You trying to kill me or give me a boner?

01:15:37.360 Top, it's called the, uh, it's called the chocolate cupcake because you're, you're icing it.

01:15:41.720 Turn the volume, turn the volume up, please.

01:15:44.040 This is fucking funny.

01:15:45.360 All right.

01:15:46.220 See, it's normal.

01:15:46.980 This is, this is, this is footage I caught, this is footage I caught when I was visiting

01:15:51.520 Top at his house.

01:15:52.220 I know you fucking lying.

01:15:54.600 Look at this boy.

01:15:55.260 He's a toad on the go.

01:15:57.840 Bitch, you couldn't eat at home.

01:15:59.660 I know you.

01:16:00.460 Oh, hell no.

01:16:01.760 What?

01:16:02.260 Master bitch, I see you.

01:16:04.980 Whoa, whoa.

01:16:06.540 Was that, was, did the guy have his own foot in his mouth?

01:16:10.460 No, he had his wife's foot in his mouth.

01:16:12.340 Oh, okay.

01:16:13.340 That's wild.

01:16:14.080 That's wild.

01:16:15.420 Wild favor.

01:16:16.460 What do you mean?

01:16:17.440 How could you be, how could you have a 160 IQ and think that that was his own foot?

01:16:20.980 Yeah, how could his own be, dude, if I could get my own foot to my mouth while in a cook.

01:16:25.400 I can't.

01:16:26.580 In Toad's defense.

01:16:27.640 I think I, I think I can.

01:16:28.240 Did any of you guys have those deformed people that like don't have arms in high school and

01:16:31.840 they can do shit like that?

01:16:33.040 I can do it.

01:16:33.600 Dude, there was a, there was a guy in my college.

01:16:36.220 Can you do it, Joe?

01:16:36.980 Show us, show us how you do it.

01:16:38.020 Come on.

01:16:38.600 Yeah, dude, you can absolutely do it.

01:16:40.640 Oh my God.

01:16:41.600 Put it in your mouth.

01:16:42.280 What the hell?

01:16:43.400 That was.

01:16:44.680 Hey, go full screen on me.

01:16:45.940 Now I want to try it.

01:16:47.240 You know what?

01:16:47.860 I kind of believe that his dick hits his belly button now.

01:16:50.580 Does his face, wow, you guys are flexible.

01:16:52.600 I can't do that shit.

01:16:53.540 That's right.

01:16:53.820 Though, uh.

01:16:54.740 Try it close.

01:16:56.320 Jose, talking about those guys that have no, like, no arms.

01:16:59.260 There was a dude at my college that he had the little, he only had.

01:17:03.600 The little weird little.

01:17:04.460 He had, like, shoulders, but it can't, yeah.

01:17:05.920 He had little fingers that came out of it.

01:17:07.700 Like, he, he, he, he, he.

01:17:08.180 They're so bizarre.

01:17:09.340 Oh.

01:17:09.660 Yeah.

01:17:10.320 Hey.

01:17:10.580 And, uh.

01:17:11.740 Hey, I got into a, I got into a fight.

01:17:13.460 I got in a fight in middle school with one of those.

01:17:16.640 Wow.

01:17:17.920 Wasn't that, like, some thing that was a result of some pharmaceutical bullshit?

01:17:21.400 That, like, that was, like, there was, like, a period of time that was happening

01:17:23.800 a lot.

01:17:24.220 Or some nonsense.

01:17:25.680 It was a medicine that they have, like.

01:17:27.900 That they were giving to the mothers.

01:17:28.960 They, like, scoot around.

01:17:29.580 When they were in utero.

01:17:30.540 This guy.

01:17:31.260 Yep, that's it.

01:17:31.820 Uh, the maintenance department at the school actually, like, designed, like, a

01:17:36.380 little, like, it looked like a T that had wheels.

01:17:39.280 And he sat on it.

01:17:40.060 And then he just, like, scooted it around with his feet.

01:17:42.760 What?

01:17:43.040 That dude, that dude was a fucking dick.

01:17:45.220 Like, he would, he would not give a fuck.

01:17:46.680 Yes.

01:17:47.120 Dude, the one we had was a piece of shit, too.

01:17:49.040 He's a fucking asshole.

01:17:50.200 All of them are assholes.

01:17:51.840 Yeah, me too.

01:17:52.500 They would not move.

01:17:53.080 Me too.

01:17:53.540 That's why I thought it.

01:17:54.180 He'll go into the, he'll go into an elevator, so he'll be, like, everybody has to get to

01:17:56.940 class.

01:17:57.260 It was, like, on, like, the fifth floor.

01:17:58.580 So everybody gets to the elevator.

01:17:59.460 He'll get in there.

01:18:00.660 And then just, like, sit down right in the center.

01:18:02.360 And it's just, like, nobody can fucking get in.

01:18:04.480 He's just sitting there.

01:18:05.480 And he always, like, regardless of where he was at, he wore, like, those fucking Oakley

01:18:08.980 sunglasses.

01:18:09.660 And this guy was ugly as hell, too.

01:18:10.900 How did he get him on?

01:18:12.540 I don't know how he got alive.

01:18:13.860 Dude, I vaguely, I never thought about that.

01:18:16.080 This is searching far back in my memory bank, but I vaguely remember this guy would, like,

01:18:20.220 always seem to get in altercations with, like, the, I don't know, run-of-the-mill jock

01:18:24.220 dudes or some shit.

01:18:25.440 And it's, like, his attitude, it's, like, you know he clearly did it.

01:18:28.820 But I always, I remember specifically the women always being, like, leave him alone.

01:18:32.380 He has a disability or whatever.

01:18:34.020 And it's, like, and always, like, crying, like, oh, like, clutching their pearls.

01:18:37.060 And it's, like, this dude would be, like, clearly instigating everything.

01:18:40.480 Yeah, it's, like, uh, it's, like, poking a bear.

01:18:43.440 Yeah.

01:18:43.760 Did you just, like, you shot the five with this guy, you just fucking hit him with one

01:18:46.680 down the middle?

01:18:47.260 What happened?

01:18:48.080 No, no, no.

01:18:48.580 All right, so, so what happens is my buddy, we're, we're in PE, and my buddy Eric trips

01:18:53.900 this kid, his name's Travis.

01:18:55.020 We called him T-Rex, because he, you know, he's got tiny arms.

01:18:57.680 So he trips him?

01:18:57.940 That's so funny.

01:18:58.380 Because he has short arms.

01:18:59.540 That's great.

01:19:00.000 Yeah, so he trips him, and, like, he just, you know, he just clips his.

01:19:02.640 I wasn't that creative in high school.

01:19:04.400 T-Rex is just walking, and Eric just clips his hind heel.

01:19:08.880 Yeah, yeah, he had perfectly fine legs.

01:19:10.300 He just had short arms.

01:19:11.320 So he clips, he clips his hind heel while he's walking, which, for a normal person, maybe

01:19:15.780 you stumble, maybe, maybe you topple, and you put your hand down to keep yourself from

01:19:19.240 eating shit.

01:19:20.220 Homeboy just fucking straight up, like, timber, just crashes to the ground.

01:19:25.440 He turns around.

01:19:26.960 He turns around.

01:19:27.580 He sees me standing there, and I'm, like, giggling, but it wasn't me.

01:19:30.940 I didn't fucking do it.

01:19:31.720 And Homeboy just, like, hops up off the ground, fast as a motherfucker.

01:19:34.580 I don't know how he would even get up without arms, right?

01:19:36.640 Holy shit.

01:19:37.340 He's, like, one of those, like, T-Rex, like, inflatable, like, things.

01:19:41.060 You're like, oh, bitch.

01:19:42.280 So, obviously, I freeze in place, because I'm, like, if I don't move, he can't see me.

01:19:46.580 But he could see me, which I was, like, really surprising.

01:19:49.520 So, Homeboy hops up on my neck, and I shit you not, dude, strength from the gods.

01:19:55.420 Because his arms are so tiny, I could not get this motherfucker off my neck.

01:19:59.560 He's just, like, that one kicking type Pokemon.

01:20:01.700 He's clamped up on me, and I'm, like, running towards the PE instructor, because I'm, like,

01:20:06.880 yo, get this motherfucker off me.

01:20:09.660 I finally, like, flip him off me, but that was the fight.

01:20:13.340 It was funny.

01:20:13.600 This week is such a good comedic skit.

01:20:15.660 I love it.

01:20:15.920 Did I tell you guys about the time that I picked the kid with no hands, like, no bones

01:20:19.620 in his hands to play baseball?

01:20:20.860 I feel like I told that story.

01:20:22.000 Yo, he just had fucking fleshy little digits flipping around.

01:20:25.220 I'll tell the story.

01:20:25.920 He just had a hand as the glove, and just fucking boop.

01:20:29.120 I was on Staten Island, and, like, my cousin was, like, oh, you know, he's here.

01:20:34.060 So, and I played college bowl, and I was always playing baseball.

01:20:37.180 So, like, yo, you're a captain, and someone else is a captain.

01:20:39.320 So, like, all right, you get first pick.

01:20:40.660 So, I get first pick.

01:20:41.780 All the guys are, like, lined up, and I'm, like, right there, Jimmy.

01:20:44.400 His name is Jimmy.

01:20:45.220 I'm, like, you're on my team.

01:20:46.580 And I picked him, and everybody goes, like, and then they're, like, is he fucking around?

01:20:51.600 So, whatever.

01:20:52.240 So, I picked my whole lineup, and I put Jimmy to lead off.

01:20:55.580 Did this guy look, like, super athletic or something?

01:20:57.700 His face looked, like, he looked like you, like, an athletic dude.

01:21:01.040 Like, his body looked athletic.

01:21:02.540 But he's got no bones in his hands?

01:21:04.580 The rest of his body was fine.

01:21:06.140 He picked up the bat like this, and he couldn't, like, because you can't grab the bat.

01:21:10.760 And he was, like, and he drops it.

01:21:12.600 And I was, like, come on, Jimmy.

01:21:13.700 Should be the first thing you do whenever you're, like, about in a line.

01:21:16.040 You'd be, like, hey, guys, I just wanted to let you know.

01:21:18.380 Finger check.

01:21:19.260 Yeah, this is mine.

01:21:20.080 This is me.

01:21:20.440 Like, just so you know, this is me.

01:21:25.920 How does this guy jump off?

01:21:26.920 I'm the first thing.

01:21:27.800 Oh, my goodness.

01:21:29.600 He's, like, yeah, he puts his name.

01:21:31.880 He's, like, actually, dude.

01:21:33.380 He's, like, yes, I'm not gay.

01:21:34.980 I'm just, uh, just fucking no bones.

01:21:37.160 No bones in my hands.

01:21:37.520 You come over here, faggot.

01:21:38.540 Okay.

01:21:39.140 Straight as the day is long, contrary to my appearance.

01:21:43.480 Dude, I don't.

01:21:44.080 He, like, runs like this.

01:21:45.620 They call this kid Jimmy No Hands.

01:21:47.660 Everyone in the neighborhood is Jimmy No Hands.

01:21:50.720 That's some New York-ass fucking naming, too.

01:21:53.520 Yeah.

01:21:53.940 Jimmy No Hands.

01:21:55.300 Handless Jimmy.

01:21:56.540 He'd be, like, jamming a fucking, jamming, like, Play-Doh up there.

01:22:01.180 That's why I said he was, like, rubber glove hands, because it's, like, rubber gloves filled

01:22:04.400 with jello or water.

01:22:05.380 Like, that's how it is.

01:22:06.120 Dude, dude, Jimmy's hands and keys to un-

01:22:08.640 Yeah.

01:22:09.800 Jimmy, Jimmy fisting a woman would be, like, soaking.

01:22:13.400 No, but he could also slap the shit out of you, I bet, because he has that, like,

01:22:17.300 little bit of it comes up and it comes up and it's, like.

01:22:19.740 He's probably an excellent point.

01:22:21.120 It's sting.

01:22:21.600 It'd have an excellent sting, but it would have, like, no real damage.

01:22:23.820 I feel like if Jimmy caught up.

01:22:24.880 Yeah, no real power.

01:22:25.240 You could beat him a bitch like it, but it would leave no marks.

01:22:27.900 Yeah, but.

01:22:28.260 If Jimmy caught a liner, though, his hands might pop, you know?

01:22:32.340 How does Jimmy, like, live, though?

01:22:35.300 Jimmy's actually, so my cousin, who's not doing shit with his life now, Jimmy's like

01:22:39.520 a fucking manager at Best Buy with no hands.

01:22:41.380 Go figure.

01:22:42.180 My uncle was over the other day.

01:22:43.600 He was like, can you believe fucking Jimmy?

01:22:45.040 He's a manager at Best Buy and your cousin over here can't do shit with his life?

01:22:48.520 And I was like, Jimmy, no hands?

01:22:49.500 He's like, yeah, Jimmy, no hands.

01:22:50.420 He's fucking running the whole store.

01:22:52.300 No hands.

01:22:52.940 I love that that's a high success threshold.

01:22:57.920 This motherfucker's managing a dying retail enterprise.

01:23:01.100 This motherfucker can't even do that.

01:23:03.020 Yeah, this motherfucker.

01:23:04.400 What makes me laugh about that, because usually at these, like, retail stores, you start off,

01:23:07.580 like, in the back, like, putting boxes everywhere.

01:23:10.620 So I can see him, like, getting, like, hey, I just come in, but I can't lift anything.

01:23:15.120 And they're like, oh, well.

01:23:15.940 I'm imagining in my head now, like, a skit with this guy, like, running a board meeting.

01:23:19.980 Like, it kind of like, you know what, look over here.

01:23:22.360 He's knocking shit over.

01:23:23.580 Dude, dude, dude, dude.

01:23:24.480 He comes up to a whiteboard, and he's just, like, you, like, sling his hands against the ground.

01:23:28.720 He's, like, awkwardly grabbing shit.

01:23:31.060 Dude, dude, dude, do you think they made him a manager just because he can't do any manual labor at all?

01:23:35.420 Yo, he's a DEI hire, for real.

01:23:37.260 That's awesome.

01:23:38.160 Good for Jimmy.

01:23:38.680 Good for no hands.

01:23:39.260 He's running the cash register.

01:23:39.960 He's running the cash.

01:23:41.800 Like, the customer comes up.

01:23:44.000 Jimmy's getting paid right now.

01:23:44.880 He just starts smacking.

01:23:45.980 He's, like, pay a minute.

01:23:47.100 Give me a moment, please.

01:23:49.420 He's, like, type up an email.

01:23:52.200 That'd be $5.50.

01:23:54.820 Dude, imagine him trying to stalk the shelves.

01:23:58.220 He's just fucking slacking.

01:24:01.860 I gotta send this episode to Jimmy.

01:24:03.420 No hands.

01:24:04.020 Shout out to Jimmy.

01:24:04.840 Tom.

01:24:05.820 Dude, dude, how does this guy masturbate, man?

01:24:08.940 Oh, my God.

01:24:09.660 It's so frustrating.

01:24:10.880 Is he just slapping his dick?

01:24:13.020 Like, that's how he literally beats his meat.

01:24:18.620 Yo, Cole, do you think he can make you come faster than your wife can make you come from a blowjob if you just beat your meat like this?

01:24:23.760 Like, you just start slapping it?

01:24:26.180 What if I'm secretly into cock and ball torture, but only by Jimmy, no hands?

01:24:30.440 Because it has no real power behind it?

01:24:32.480 Dude, just the thing?

01:24:33.780 Just that sweet pain?

01:24:35.060 Jimmy totally missed out his true calling.

01:24:37.040 Cock and ball torture.

01:24:38.260 Gay cock and ball torture.

01:24:39.460 Dude, can he somehow, like, stretch, like, the skin and muscles of his hands, like, around his dick or something?

01:24:46.080 How do you think he got that manager job?

01:24:48.080 No, he'd be great also at, like, uh...

01:24:49.780 That's a great question, Clint.

01:24:51.200 I wonder this.

01:24:52.740 Because, like, did he work his way up?

01:24:54.020 Like, he must be real smart.

01:24:55.480 Like, I don't know.

01:24:56.360 I told you, it's because he can't use his hands.

01:24:58.340 All the, like, the mass of his bones in his hand, which was brilliant.

01:25:01.640 I told him, I told him, and he picks up his phone, like...

01:25:03.800 He was that one guy at work that was borderline useless, so they ended up shuffling him off to some other place.

01:25:10.440 Exactly.

01:25:10.720 And then he got good there, yeah.

01:25:11.980 I wonder if he, like, the only app he can fuck with is Tinder, because he's just swiping left and right.

01:25:19.040 Dude, he could have been, like, a Walmart greeter or something.

01:25:25.080 Hi, everyone!

01:25:28.460 Welcome to Walmart.

01:25:30.300 I'm no hands Jimmy.

01:25:32.380 The thing about Jimmy, though, is, like, when you look at his face, he looks like a well-put-together man.

01:25:37.480 Like, he's, like, kind of a good-looking kid.

01:25:38.700 Apparently, you picked him first for baseball, for God's sake.

01:25:41.520 This makes it even better.

01:25:42.960 Like, I imagine the cat in cast is Brad Pitt, and then just fucking...

01:25:45.880 Yo, he can't lift weights.

01:25:49.060 You've never seen, like, a kid that's just kind of, like, tall, but kind of, like, thin, but, like, athletic?

01:25:53.500 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but normally they have to be doing something to, like, keep their strength.

01:25:58.420 Yeah, like, doing fucking pull-ups.

01:26:00.300 Dude, he must be terrible at interviews, too, because, like, every time they always hear, like, the first thing you do, an interview...

01:26:07.880 The limp-ass handshake?

01:26:08.960 Yeah, you go with the handshake, and he's just, like...

01:26:11.360 This motherfucker has...

01:26:14.080 They grab it, and it's just, like, imagine squeezing a no-bones hand.

01:26:18.320 Imagine him and Jack Lloyd.

01:26:19.800 I can't respect this man.

01:26:21.840 Dude, dude, dude, no way!

01:26:22.880 But then he blows you away in the interview, and then, like, he goes up to...

01:26:25.600 He's like, I'll be thinking about it, and, like, it was good to see you.

01:26:28.180 Hope you have a good day.

01:26:28.740 He just puts his hand back out again.

01:26:30.340 It says here on your resume, your name is Jimmy...

01:26:33.040 No, middle name, and laughing hands.

01:26:36.340 That's me, Jimmy, no hands, yes.

01:26:37.880 Jimmy, no hands.

01:26:38.740 My dad had a sense of humor.

01:26:39.920 It was a fateful naming, actually.

01:26:42.080 Dude, Jimmy, no hands has the weakest handshake energy on the planet.

01:26:46.440 His resume is just, like, A-S-D-F-K-L-M-N-O-P, because he can't...

01:26:50.860 Don't managers at a store have to usually sign for any type of, like, anything they get,

01:27:02.700 like a shipment?

01:27:03.840 So he just comes and says, can you sign this?

01:27:05.640 You guys remind me of two stories.

01:27:06.600 It's just a handprint.

01:27:08.120 Two stories you reminded me of.

01:27:09.920 It's the digital signature, where he's just kind of, like, he just kind of, like...

01:27:12.620 One story, you guys reminded me of two stories, and I have to tell him, because the second

01:27:17.820 one you're going to want to hear.

01:27:19.180 The first one, the thing about the resume shit...

01:27:21.960 Jimmy, no hands.

01:27:24.240 Oh, yeah, I imagine that's his name now.

01:27:26.440 He's actually German.

01:27:27.820 My family's fucked up.

01:27:29.540 The more I think about it, my cousin submitted a resume to a place that I was, like, the manager

01:27:34.960 at, and she spelled her name wrong on the resume.

01:27:37.800 And I had to go and take, and I...

01:27:39.260 Yeah, it was bad.

01:27:40.460 But it's reminding me how fucked up my cousins are.

01:27:42.780 I missed parts of the story about my cousin last week that buried the dog.

01:27:47.660 Clint, you weren't here.

01:27:49.340 Or was that two weeks ago?

01:27:50.560 No, that was last week, because Faceless was talking about skinwalkers.

01:27:53.620 You're talking about his dog, yeah.

01:27:54.880 Skinwalkers killing his dog.

01:27:56.480 My aunt was over from New York, and this was the aunt in question, so I got to ask...

01:28:00.860 That's funny.

01:28:01.460 Yeah.

01:28:03.320 He's furious.

01:28:04.560 He's, like, smacking the shit out of his keyboard.

01:28:07.540 Please don't make a Jimmy No Hands account.

01:28:09.360 Just ASO...

01:28:10.080 Every now and then.

01:28:12.800 I'm so sorry, Jimmy.

01:28:14.100 I'm so sorry.

01:28:14.980 I so want you to be a fan that makes a fake Jimmy No Hands account and just fuck about it.

01:28:20.020 I like to think that if he gets mad enough, he just starts going, like, he'll use gravity.

01:28:24.840 Just, like, my middle finger goes down far enough.

01:28:26.360 He just goes down, like, one.

01:28:29.060 He's like, F you.

01:28:31.480 Top is like, by the way, Jimmy No Hands went three for five in that baseball game.

01:28:36.700 Jimmy No Hands couldn't even swing.

01:28:38.200 It was embarrassing.

01:28:39.380 He would take it and drop it back.

01:28:40.300 But he could run like a motherfucker.

01:28:41.800 He could run like a motherfucker.

01:28:42.660 He was great.

01:28:44.820 Except for the slide.

01:28:45.960 His hands got cut underneath.

01:28:47.700 And he, like...

01:28:48.700 He had to go to the hospital.

01:28:50.500 He slipped base.

01:28:54.800 He, like, flips.

01:28:58.800 Fucking rips the rotator cuff.

01:29:01.920 He flips over second base.

01:29:04.060 That was such a great visual of somebody sliding and their hands would be going to fucking flip under.

01:29:15.060 Jimmy's trying to catch five balls.

01:29:17.200 I'm sorry for our audio audience.

01:29:18.880 Like, forming a basket with his, like, hand skin trying to catch a five ball.

01:29:23.560 Wait, so, listen.

01:29:24.420 Let me tell the story about my cousin because it's even more crazy.

01:29:27.500 So, she's, like, legitimately crazy like apparently a lot of my family.

01:29:31.500 And what happened was is...

01:29:33.040 Excluding you, obviously.

01:29:34.940 No, I'm not crazy.

01:29:35.600 I'm perfectly fine.

01:29:36.340 130 IQ, obviously.

01:29:40.020 So, she has the dog.

01:29:42.100 And my aunt, she comes in one day and she's like,

01:29:44.420 Your dog don't look too good, honey.

01:29:46.160 And she's like, No, no, he's fine.

01:29:47.520 He's fine.

01:29:48.120 She comes in a couple days later.

01:29:49.360 She's got the dog next to the air condition.

01:29:51.060 Like, right in front of the air condition.

01:29:52.500 And her mother is the type of lady that won't, like...

01:29:55.160 They let her, like, just do whatever she wanted her whole life.

01:29:57.900 And she wouldn't be like,

01:29:59.420 Honey, you know, pero...

01:30:00.760 Your dog está muerto, honey.

01:30:03.220 And the dog was like, No, no, no.

01:30:04.940 Leave me alone.

01:30:05.420 Get the fuck out of here.

01:30:06.340 She had the dog in front of the air conditioner for days.

01:30:08.860 Finally, one of the family members was like...

01:30:11.140 They were like, The dog's dead.

01:30:12.420 They could see, like, the milk coming over the eye.

01:30:14.480 So, they're like, Listen, honey.

01:30:14.720 That thing is starting to smell.

01:30:16.300 It's starting to smell.

01:30:17.120 It's been smelling.

01:30:18.220 She's keeping it cold.

01:30:19.180 She's putting it in the fridge.

01:30:20.340 She put it in the freezer.

01:30:21.460 I swear to God.

01:30:22.600 They're like, Listen.

01:30:23.820 They said, Honey, you got to bring him to the vet.

01:30:26.100 They're like, The vet will tell her he's an expert.

01:30:27.740 And then we don't have to, like, fight with her.

01:30:30.120 She brings him to the vet.

01:30:31.800 The vet says, This is a dead dog.

01:30:33.240 She goes back home.

01:30:34.500 She goes to another vet for a second opinion.

01:30:38.140 That vet says it's dead.

01:30:39.780 I need to start.

01:30:40.840 Always get a second opinion.

01:30:42.440 She goes for that.

01:30:43.460 You told this story last week because I heard it.

01:30:46.220 And then she digs it up, right?

01:30:50.080 Okay, yes.

01:30:51.320 They find out it's dead again.

01:30:52.620 Finally, they convince her that the dog is dead.

01:30:54.540 So, they go to my aunt's house, and they bury it in her backyard.

01:30:57.520 This is the part that I didn't know.

01:30:59.720 She has the key to my aunt's house.

01:31:01.240 So, she goes in, and she dug this thing up.

01:31:03.640 She didn't dig it up.

01:31:04.740 She had my other cousin come and dig it up.

01:31:07.040 This guy, Raphael, who's also crazy, which now I'm really thinking, like,

01:31:09.880 Damn, my whole family.

01:31:11.380 He digs it up, not once, not twice, three times.

01:31:16.880 They dig this dog up to see if it's breathing, okay?

01:31:19.680 Finally, my aunt's had enough.

01:31:20.900 She says, you got to take this fucking dog out of my house

01:31:22.980 because you keep digging up this dog and reburying it in my yard when I'm not home.

01:31:26.760 I don't like this.

01:31:28.540 Raphael, I mean, fucking, what is this?

01:31:30.760 Yeah, Raphael goes to my aunt's house, and she has only concrete in the backyard.

01:31:35.560 He chips up the concrete, and they bury it there,

01:31:38.260 and God only knows how many times she's dug it up from there.

01:31:40.960 But this is how, it was, yes, that's how bad it was.

01:31:43.300 I forgot the details.

01:31:44.020 Dia de los muertes peros.

01:31:46.680 Yes.

01:31:47.400 It was crazy shit, man.

01:31:49.960 And you said that second, you had a second story.

01:31:52.740 That was the second story, yeah.

01:31:53.880 Oh, okay.

01:31:54.340 Oh, okay.

01:31:55.060 I was expecting more.

01:31:56.260 I thought somehow Jimmy Nohans was going to be in that story.

01:32:00.120 All right, guys.

01:32:00.540 He was helping dig.

01:32:01.660 He was just, like, slapping the ground.

01:32:03.640 Wait, guys, do you want to watch?

01:32:04.640 I see Jose's position in to get out of here.

01:32:07.200 Do you want to watch a video before we get out of here?

01:32:08.840 Let's watch one video.

01:32:09.440 Yeah, yeah.

01:32:10.520 Is it the dating one, please?

01:32:12.460 Oh, we didn't watch Charlie interviews today, did we?

01:32:14.820 Which dating one?

01:32:15.700 Can we do the dating one?

01:32:16.400 Yes, this one.

01:32:17.020 Oh, fuck yes.

01:32:17.660 Yeah, let's watch it.

01:32:18.300 Oh, it's the best.

01:32:19.400 This dude's gangster.

01:32:20.020 It started from the beginning.

01:32:20.700 It started from the beginning.

01:32:22.180 Atlanta Braves.

01:32:23.060 What a faggot.

01:32:23.680 By the way, my first thought of this one was Tranny.

01:32:38.840 No, she's just black.

01:32:42.260 I think she's a woman.

01:32:48.380 She's lying.

01:32:49.660 A bit more calm things.

01:32:51.380 Like, I like art, a good picnic.

01:32:54.640 I like food.

01:32:55.240 I love to cook.

01:32:56.380 Damn.

01:32:57.200 Wow.

01:32:58.620 This dude, this dude is really great.

01:33:00.560 The socks and sandals is amazing.

01:33:02.380 The more I thought about it, the more I was like, this is gay.

01:33:04.580 The better move would just be tap it, walk away.

01:33:07.160 If that was what you wanted.

01:33:09.040 I don't know.

01:33:09.560 I just, I love the thing.

01:33:10.680 I think the run-up's gay.

01:33:11.500 I actually, when I first watched it, I stopped watching when he walked away, so I didn't even

01:33:15.400 see this part, so I was with you.

01:33:17.480 I still think it's so fucking funny to be like, it's like dunking.

01:33:21.380 I just don't, I don't even get like why it would be appealing if, like, if you're interviewing

01:33:28.740 this chick and she goes, oh yeah, all the time, like, then you want to have sex with

01:33:32.140 her?

01:33:32.580 Like, that's the answer you're looking for?

01:33:34.360 Yeah, that's like, for me, like, at first, my first glance, I am like, oh, that's funny,

01:33:37.160 yeah, fuck it, bitch.

01:33:37.800 But then, like, I think about it, I'm like, really, yeah, like, I do kind of have that

01:33:40.580 because, like, I feel like any self-respecting woman is just walk away, honestly.

01:33:43.800 She should have fucking hit it, walked away.

01:33:45.680 So, like, at that point, I'm kind of like, well, you know, whatever.

01:33:49.040 She should have hit the button.

01:33:50.060 I don't respect her because she didn't hit the button.

01:33:51.660 She should have hit the button.

01:33:52.140 Exactly.

01:33:52.880 Yeah, for real.

01:33:53.340 I think she was wanting to see what happened.

01:33:54.880 She's a good bitch.

01:33:55.800 I don't know.

01:33:56.680 She was trying to walk it back.

01:33:57.720 She was waiting for the man to do something.

01:33:59.880 But what does it mean when it said, do you stand up and fuck?

01:34:02.040 Like, I don't, what does that mean?

01:34:03.140 He was literally asking.

01:34:04.060 No, he said you ever been picked up and fucked.

01:34:06.620 Picked up and fucked.

01:34:07.160 Oh.

01:34:07.780 And honestly, the funny thing is, the dude is not like someone, like, a pick-up-and-fucked girl.

01:34:09.960 She said no, which is the right answer.

01:34:12.040 No, no, she's bigger than him.

01:34:13.760 The dude is shorter than him.

01:34:15.360 He's shorter than she is, yeah.

01:34:17.660 Yeah, and the more I thought about it, the more I'm like, all right, he's kind of a douche.

01:34:20.060 But at the same time, I'm also like, I don't give a shit because she's stuck around.

01:34:24.300 First time I saw it, it was funny.

01:34:25.960 Yeah, and then I thought about it.

01:34:27.300 I'm like, eh, what a faggot.

01:34:28.420 I was let down by that video.

01:34:30.700 Imagine Toad with a girlfriend that's heavier than him and him trying to pick her up and fuck.

01:34:34.280 That would be the most comical thing I could ever see.

01:34:36.380 That's why I can only date women who weigh less than I do.

01:34:40.740 That's also why he hits those weights every day, man.

01:34:43.460 Dude, it is hard being a short guy.

01:34:44.800 Just in case that some woman ever comes into his life and he just says, I gotta pick her up and fuck her.

01:34:48.840 I do gotta say, being a short guy, it is a little rough.

01:34:51.200 Luckily, I'm like 5'6".

01:34:52.580 Most chicks are shorter than that.

01:34:54.180 But it is like there's this whole category of women my whole life.

01:34:56.700 I was just like, probably not gonna pull that.

01:34:58.880 I mean, I'd be down, but they immediately were like, nope, not happening, short guy.

01:35:01.880 I do like the thought that Toad would lose his virginity by doing some of the craziest sex acts he could.

01:35:07.580 He's like, I'm not gonna go missionary.

01:35:09.440 That's a fucking lie.

01:35:11.480 I'm built like a gorilla.

01:35:13.000 You don't think I fucking picked up a woman and railed her?

01:35:15.360 Dude, Jose.

01:35:16.700 It's a great move.

01:35:17.700 I feel like that's the only way.

01:35:19.700 Yeah.

01:35:20.220 Jose.

01:35:21.040 He's like, missionary, never heard of her.

01:35:23.160 Dude, I used to have a, back when I was huge, I used to have a sex video.

01:35:27.060 Like, me and my wife, like, record one.

01:35:28.840 And like, most of it was like a side hanging.

01:35:30.380 Put it in the chat, play it, play it.

01:35:32.300 And I remember looking like, I remember like watching it later, I'm like, I legit look like

01:35:36.600 a gorilla.

01:35:37.280 Like my fucking, like, quads and my fucking, like, ass.

01:35:40.220 It's like, hell yeah, dude.

01:35:42.240 Yeah.

01:35:42.420 I, I, but because of, uh, I'm so retarded and I've been so much into gym stuff now, I

01:35:48.160 do see sex as just a form of cardio for me.

01:35:51.680 Like, I actually think of it as like.

01:35:53.680 I see food as nutrients and sex as cardio.

01:35:56.040 Like, I see like, oh, I only got like 8,000 steps in a day.

01:35:59.380 I need to burn some more calories.

01:36:00.760 Honey, time to rape.

01:36:02.240 Gotta finish it off.

01:36:03.000 My biggest, my biggest asset in being single has always been my height.

01:36:08.040 Like, it's like, it's not even close, by the way.

01:36:09.840 Like, just because I'm 6'1", I am, I'm automatically, like, I'm within the realm of getting fucked

01:36:16.980 all the time.

01:36:18.680 Clint is, Clint is the actual guy.

01:36:20.920 Like, the one dude of when girls are like, he has to be six foot tall, make over 250 grand

01:36:27.060 a year.

01:36:27.680 He's got to have kids.

01:36:29.340 He has to be smart.

01:36:31.300 He has to be funny.

01:36:32.280 I'm like, yeah, I got all that.

01:36:33.300 Check, check, check, check, check, check, check.

01:36:34.200 Clint, it's, it's the sick.

01:36:35.120 Fuck you, Clint.

01:36:35.920 I'm going back to bed and fucking this bitch right here.

01:36:38.080 You're the one who created unrealistic expectations.

01:36:40.380 I think Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint meets the 666, I think, right?

01:36:43.780 You have to be six feet, six figures, and six inch cock.

01:36:47.140 Oh, yeah, for sure.

01:36:48.000 Yeah, he's rocking it.

01:36:48.760 Oh, I don't know, you missing that third one?

01:36:50.320 Is it close?

01:36:52.380 We've seen, we've seen his dick print before.

01:36:54.380 It's fucking, it's impressive.

01:36:55.880 It's not as impressive as Reed.

01:36:56.980 I don't, I don't, I don't, I look, I look like I have a fucking micropenis compared to

01:37:00.720 Reed, but my dick is pretty, pretty good.

01:37:02.300 The dick print, yeah.

01:37:03.240 But this dude rolls around in basketball shorts with no underwear.

01:37:05.600 Like, we know how big a dick is.

01:37:06.860 I've seen it at the airport.

01:37:08.100 He did the, he did the Jay-Z shit at the airport.

01:37:09.900 I'm like, look at this guy fucking hanging dong out here, man.

01:37:11.940 I'm so proud of you.

01:37:12.800 Oh, jeez.

01:37:13.300 The Jay-Z shit.

01:37:14.060 No fucks give it.

01:37:15.660 It's such a big dick move.

01:37:16.940 I see you in a public place.

01:37:17.980 You were submitted sexist.

01:37:18.600 Oh, yeah.

01:37:19.460 Yeah.

01:37:19.660 Oh, I would love to do that.

01:37:20.780 That'd be amazing.

01:37:21.280 Yeah, I'll, I'll review them for sure.

01:37:22.980 Yeah.

01:37:23.260 Well, no, we don't mean, we don't mean that, Toad.

01:37:25.400 We mean for comedic effect.

01:37:27.620 Oh, he's like, he's like, let me tell you about the cinematography on this, on this.

01:37:30.900 It's like, no, no, Toad's just looking for jerk-off material.

01:37:34.680 Dude, I thought that was going to be a thing because I reviewed that sex tape that that

01:37:37.880 politician made.

01:37:38.760 Remember?

01:37:39.900 Do you think Toad?

01:37:40.640 It was always, you can still do it.

01:37:42.560 You can do it whenever you want to.

01:37:44.060 Like, we are not stopping you.

01:37:44.780 Do you think he, he thinks of like, as he's watching the sex, like, like, whatever he's

01:37:48.520 thinking is written also.

01:37:50.020 Like, like, whatever he's thinking of his girls.

01:37:51.960 His tits are too big.

01:37:52.840 This guy's dick is really.

01:37:53.700 I love the thought.

01:37:54.700 I know this is great, Top, because if he ever does get in a relationship, he can just be,

01:37:58.340 uh, Top's out.

01:37:59.300 Did we just lose Top?

01:38:00.080 Yeah, I think we did.

01:38:00.600 I think we did.

01:38:00.980 He's back, he's back.

01:38:01.740 I guess he's here.

01:38:02.420 If Toad ever gets in a relationship and he gets caught watching porn, he'd be like,

01:38:05.600 no, babe, it's just, I'm just reading a sexual novel.

01:38:08.000 It's research material for the show.

01:38:09.460 It's research.

01:38:09.780 No, not even that.

01:38:10.400 No, he could just be like, I'm just reading.

01:38:11.500 No, no, no, it's research to, uh, fuck you.

01:38:15.640 That's what it is.

01:38:16.520 I'm learning.

01:38:16.960 That never works.

01:38:17.600 No, no, Toad is.

01:38:18.760 Oh, my God, Jimmy, no heads.

01:38:20.600 He's here.

01:38:21.480 Unbelievable.

01:38:22.480 Yes.

01:38:22.840 It's Q-O-P-P-P-Q-S-P-P-S.

01:38:25.540 Yes, it's Jimmy.

01:38:27.100 All right, guys.

01:38:27.680 You want to do plugs, get the fuck out of here?

01:38:29.300 Oh, my God, I love it.

01:38:30.360 We know you want to, Jose.

01:38:31.460 Let's go.

01:38:31.680 Yes, I do.

01:38:32.060 It's fucking almost hour 45.

01:38:33.900 We did it.

01:38:36.820 Clint Russell, host of Liberty Lockdown as well as co-host of Tower Gang.

01:38:39.760 Follow me on Twitter at LibertyLockPod.

01:38:41.380 Follow me on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, everywhere else.

01:38:44.740 Just search Liberty Lockdown.

01:38:46.060 Thank you so much for tuning in.

01:38:47.260 We love you very much.

01:38:48.240 Cole.

01:38:50.780 Cole's dancing.

01:38:51.360 Listen, you can catch me at TopLobster.com, MerchEngine.com.

01:38:56.660 Go there.

01:38:57.300 Check that shit out.

01:38:57.960 We got some new stuff at Top Lobster.

01:38:59.440 We're making 432 hertz great again.

01:39:01.820 Catch me and Cole on Elijah Schaefer's show.

01:39:06.400 Elijah Schaefer's show.

01:39:07.820 We're going to be on there.

01:39:08.940 Me and Cole.

01:39:09.640 I only go on the show.

01:39:10.080 Whatever the show is called.

01:39:11.580 Yeah, we'll be there on Friday at 10 o'clock, I think.

01:39:14.500 So, yeah, whatever he's on.

01:39:15.320 I thought he said 8 Eastern.

01:39:17.000 No, but 10 p.m. Eastern standard time.

01:39:18.820 Look at the – you guys talked about this.

01:39:20.640 I thought you said 8.

01:39:21.340 Never mind.

01:39:21.640 Jose Galisson, No Way Jose show.

01:39:24.260 Next Thursday, I have the QAnon Shaman.

01:39:27.680 He likes to be called the American Shaman now, so I'll try to respect his pronouns.

01:39:32.020 And the American Shaman and Shane Cashman with four pony boys.

01:39:35.540 So, I don't know if Clint will be there for that, but I'll have Top, Me, and those two.

01:39:39.820 So, yeah, go check out my stuff.

01:39:42.440 YouTube, all the major odd boxers, Aussie as well.

01:39:44.320 Definitely go to Odyssey.

01:39:45.060 I'm probably going to make a rumble this weekend because I just got a strike for some retarded bullshit.

01:39:49.200 But, yeah.

01:39:49.780 You haven't made a rumble already?

01:39:51.280 Jesus Christ.

01:39:51.720 I did, but I never followed through with it.

01:39:53.660 I, like, made the account but never did anything with it.

01:39:55.400 It's worse.

01:39:56.440 You're not allowed to blast Abraham Lincoln.

01:39:59.640 That's what we found out.

01:40:00.960 No, I didn't even – I was the most, like – I don't know.

01:40:03.100 Check it out on my Twitter if you're interested.

01:40:04.240 Dude, your QAnon Shaman fucking episode probably would have blown up on a rumble.

01:40:07.240 That's, like, all the neocons over there would have loved it.

01:40:09.060 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:40:10.020 Yeah.

01:40:10.740 Toad, where you at?

01:40:12.380 Tower Gang Toad on Twitter.

01:40:14.160 Follow the Tower Gang Pod everywhere.

01:40:16.960 Follow us on Twitter.

01:40:18.000 Go subscribe to the locals.

01:40:19.880 Towergang.locals.com.

01:40:21.660 We're on Rumble Odyssey for now and YouTube for now.

01:40:27.620 Tower Gang Pod everywhere.

01:40:29.760 Mostly the Rumble.

01:40:30.960 This episode is probably going to get pulled down.

01:40:33.000 Yeah.

01:40:33.240 Yeah, for sure.

01:40:34.200 Yeah, we need to pull this down.

01:40:35.460 I don't know why it would.

01:40:36.280 Guys, any happy thoughts?

01:40:38.340 All right.

01:40:38.560 Yeah.

01:40:39.200 Any happy thoughts to leave our listeners with?

01:40:41.660 We love you all.

01:40:42.980 Love you.

01:40:43.400 I mean –

01:40:44.200 I am loving life.

01:40:46.940 Always get consent.

01:40:49.000 Don't even worry.

01:40:49.940 Tower Power Hour slut.

01:40:51.640 Tower Power Hour bitch.

01:40:53.240 No way, Jose.

01:40:54.700 Liberty Lockdown.

01:40:55.980 Tower Power Hour bitch.

01:40:58.360 Reed.

01:41:00.920 Cole.

01:41:02.620 Top Lobster.

01:41:03.960 And Toad.

01:41:05.320 Tower Gang.

01:41:05.820 Tower Gang.

01:41:06.380 Tower Gang.

01:41:06.880 Tower Gang.

01:41:07.820 Tower Gang.

01:41:08.440 Tower Gang.

01:41:08.940 Tower Gang.

01:41:09.440 Liberty Lock is Truthsay.

01:41:11.340 Same with Lobster, Cole, and Jose.

01:41:13.920 Toad is sick.

01:41:14.740 No way, Jose.

01:41:15.800 The Tower Power Hour slut.

01:41:17.400 They made Dave spit all his –

01:41:18.920 Tower Gang.

01:41:19.420 Tower Gang.

01:41:19.940 Tower Gang.

01:41:20.420 Tower Gang.

01:41:21.400 Tower Gang.

01:41:22.020 Tower Gang.

01:41:22.500 Tower Gang.

01:41:23.060 Tower Gang.

01:41:23.360 Tower Gang.

01:41:23.900 Tower Gang.

01:41:24.380 Tower Gang.

01:41:24.860 Tower Gang.

01:41:25.380 They speak courage.

01:41:26.400 You sped.

01:41:26.960 Sped.

01:41:27.340 More than Rogan.

01:41:28.400 You fed.

01:41:28.880 You fed.

01:41:29.380 Truthbox.

01:41:29.940 Weather.

01:41:30.420 Timcast.

01:41:30.940 Hotep.

01:41:31.920 More offensive.

01:41:32.940 L.O.S.

01:41:33.660 No disrespect.

01:41:34.480 More offensive than L.O.S.

01:41:35.980 No disrespect.

01:41:36.880 Yes, I am.

01:41:37.420 Redhead Libertarian is their best friend.

01:41:39.080 Shihaw.

01:41:39.520 Unless they get raided, then they never met.

01:41:41.320 Never met.

01:41:41.880 None of this shit be new to me.

01:41:43.400 Truly.

01:41:43.880 Clint is a sexual brood to me.

01:41:45.420 Sorry.

01:41:45.860 No booster seat.

01:41:46.620 Get them tall boots on you.

01:41:47.620 Not a mitch.

01:41:47.920 Fuck every podcast.

01:41:48.980 That won't stoop to me.

01:41:49.960 Brando.

01:41:50.100 Libertarian won't be the same day revolution-y.

01:41:52.380 That's a word.

01:41:52.880 I miss grammar, send it, it rhymed dubitedly.

01:41:55.400 That too.

01:41:55.800 Promote myself on their shot stupidly.

01:41:57.900 Comedy philosophy, markrandom.com, user free.

01:42:00.500 Brando.

01:42:00.940 I'm single lady, so please choose with me.

01:42:03.380 They scream tower gang worldwide.

01:42:04.980 Tower gang.

01:42:05.380 Tower gang rise.

01:42:06.340 Together we will overthrow.

01:42:08.780 Tower gang, tower gang, tower gang, tower gang.

01:42:10.980 Tower gang, tower gang.

01:42:12.860 Liberty lock is truth say.

01:42:14.860 Same with lobster colon Jose.

01:42:17.400 Toad is sick, no way Jose.

01:42:18.960 If you read, I write Jose with Jose.

01:42:22.440 They made dates with all his fame.

01:42:24.900 Tower gang, tower gang, tower gang, tower gang.

01:42:27.300 Tower gang, tower gang, tower gang.

01:42:27.800 They made dates with all his fame.

01:42:29.820 Tower gang, tower gang, tower gang.

01:42:32.820 Tower gang, tower gang, tower gang.

01:42:37.500 It's so fucking hard to line up the syllables in a row.

01:42:46.240 Hell yeah.

01:42:47.180 What's up?

01:42:47.660 I'm going to suck around because it feels.

Tower Gang - June 29, 2023

Ep 129 - Jimmy No-Hands

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