Ep 145 - Happy Birthday Daddy
Episode Stats
Length
2 hours and 12 minutes
Words per Minute
207.11871
Hate Speech Sentences
337
Summary
Toad, Cole, and Jose are back with a brand new episode of Liberty Lockdown, and it's a doosey one. This week's episode features the return of the classic TV show, Friends, and the introduction of a new classic casino game featuring iconic images from the show.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
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please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge.
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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario.
00:01:11.320
So I can only fit a third of my dick into Toad's...
00:01:15.320
You want to kill me or you want to give me a bone?
00:01:25.640
Have you guys ever had the mythical where there's a whole thing in and then do that shit where they're...
00:02:02.400
These gentlemen, it's 9.20 on a Wednesday, and you know what that means.
00:02:10.280
This is where you tune in every Wednesday and you find out who had a threesome and who had your toad jerk off in the corner.
00:02:17.180
God, I still can't believe you were honest about that on the show.
00:02:19.500
It's one of the greatest things that's ever happened in my life.
00:02:26.620
And we got a very laggy Jose Gellison in the middle.
00:02:31.640
And then top left, we got Toad, and I am Clint Russell, host of Liberty Lockdown.
00:02:39.860
We were just annoying Toad with business talk, and it was annoying him so much.
00:03:00.600
Why are you scheduling Better Off Dead in the middle of the night on a Wednesday?
00:03:25.980
Guys, Toad is the actual complete opposite of fucking Clint.
00:03:36.780
Clint's drowning in pussy, and it hasn't been his entire life.
00:03:39.700
That's right, but all of that just, you know, amounts to the fact that I've rated higher T than he does.
00:04:00.820
Now that I'm looking at you, too, it's like, if you said, if you said, if you said, if Clint said, my retarded brother is with me and just held Toad's hand as they walked through the street, people would be like, probably.
00:04:42.340
That's how you know we're not related because he's got it.
00:04:44.100
That's how you know, again, I have higher teeth because I can grow a better beard than Clint.
00:04:56.920
Do you guys want to talk about business or you want to you want to drive Toad?
00:04:59.140
No, honestly, what I want to talk about is I want to talk about tipping because I'm
00:05:06.780
Press one, two, three in the chat if you think we should go to the Georgia LP convention in
00:05:16.240
Would people actually show up to Georgia's LP convention just to see Tower Gang?
00:05:28.700
Even if we don't take pay and we just take flights in rooms, that's a crazy amount of
00:05:32.800
Dude, I think just the fact that they announced on Twitter without even asking us that we're
00:05:39.120
Dude, at first I saw that and I was like, I kind of don't want to interact with this.
00:05:48.080
I was like, because I don't know if we're actually going.
00:05:49.560
You know, we should do what Lewis did when we did the same with Gas Digital and we should
00:05:58.760
So we should like, they did the ballsy thing that we did.
00:06:02.280
Let me say, let me say, so I did the merch booth at Skank Fest with Mike Harrington the
00:06:29.280
Harrington told me that our names are indeed on the board.
00:06:35.180
And I asked him, I said, is Tower Gang up there?
00:06:37.180
And he looked me in the eyes and he said, you're up there.
00:06:42.620
And he goes, he said, it's like a bit, but they're not going to stop the bit.
00:06:50.240
And he just like looked at me and he's like, and I was like, holy shit.
00:07:04.500
You spent 48 hours with this guy and you still don't know if they hate us or not?
00:07:08.020
Oh, no, he loves me, but you guys, I don't know.
00:07:13.100
Now, you mentioned that you showed Harrington my dick.
00:07:16.760
I'm kind of concerned because I think Top is selling my dick right now.
00:07:20.460
I think I did show him your dick and he said decent dick.
00:07:31.240
It's been a year since I was at Skankfest and I had a lot of people approach me then.
00:07:45.020
One guy approached me wearing my Elon Musk tweet on his shirt.
00:07:51.480
I was like, I said, see, this is what I'm talking about.
00:07:57.900
And then I asked him, I always ask him, I was like, yo, what's up?
00:08:00.060
Because they learned, again, like I was telling the guys before, from the show, I was like,
00:08:04.680
when the people come up to me, everyone that came up to me was like, yo, top, what up?
00:08:09.280
Like, even if they were nervous, they were like, what up?
00:08:13.900
And then I would say, where do you know me from?
00:08:15.760
And most of the time, it was either Twitter or Tower Gang, most of the time from Tower Gang.
00:08:23.520
I keep telling you guys, I watched the Rags, which is Luis J. Gomez.
00:08:33.920
And the fourth guy that's the toad of the show, Joe List.
00:08:45.340
Joe List is from Massachusetts and he's hilarious.
00:08:49.860
But, yo, I watched it and I was just like, if we were all, if we all live close enough,
00:08:58.380
Like, the only difference, honest to God, the only difference is that they have, like,
00:09:02.060
all of them have kind of a New York accent, whereas only Top has a New York accent for
00:09:07.360
And Dan Soder is genuinely genius level funny with his impersonations and shit.
00:09:13.900
But beyond that, like, we're all, we're all fucking that.
00:09:18.260
It was great to mention that also Toad goes in and out of a Boston accent as well, just
00:09:25.260
So they have four funny people and we have four funny people.
00:09:45.760
I do want to say it's been a year since Ryan Long has never messaged you back.
00:09:51.700
It has been a full year since he hasn't returned my text message.
00:09:58.060
I thought about that and I was, because I was like, it's been a whole fucking year.
00:10:02.820
Well, what's crazy, what's crazy is, is, yeah, I'm sure you did see him texting.
00:10:09.780
I went up to him and I said, I bet you, I bet I can guess who you're not texting.
00:10:27.240
And he said, was that you that called in about the Ryan Dress?
00:10:30.960
I said, it was just me who started the whole thing.
00:10:35.900
No, I kind of brought it up in the pre-show and Top had the same kind of thing.
00:10:45.640
And like, whenever you're at Sonic, I don't know, who's been to a Sonic?
00:10:58.340
And it brings up on the screen, just like everybody else now, is like, tip whatever.
00:11:04.880
I was like, ever since they stopped roller skating, I don't give them tips anymore.
00:11:12.240
They're supposed to come out on the roller skates.
00:11:13.480
It's supposed to be the hot shit with the tight pants.
00:11:16.780
I don't give them a tip for, like, you know, good or, like, something I can't do.
00:11:20.100
Like, I can't, like, fucking do their, like, if they were roller skating around and had food in their hands, I can't fucking do that shit, so I'll tip you for it.
00:11:26.640
Well, I don't tip, and then, you know, this black lady brings out my food, and she's like, is this your order?
00:11:37.540
And she looks straight at me, and she goes, oh, I was just waiting to see if you were going to tip me.
00:11:47.560
And then she just turns around and walks away, and I was like, that is bull.
00:11:53.060
Dude, that's badass, though, because, like, you're, like, you're so deeply racist, and to have a black chick talk back to you like that, I kind of like it.
00:12:04.540
She literally says, like, because I said, thank you, have a nice day, and she literally was just like, I'm just waiting to see if you're going to tip.
00:12:13.700
And because, obviously, they saw, like, the thing.
00:12:16.280
I didn't tip on the screen, so, like, I must have thought I was going to give her some money.
00:12:28.480
Like, they'll give you the thing, and they'll be like, it's going to ask you a question.
00:12:31.480
I mean, what those tablets do is what that black lady does every single time you go anywhere.
00:12:39.100
This fucking, this, like, college kid, you know, flips this fucking panel around and goes, like, hey, are you a piece of shit or not?
00:12:45.320
That's, like, that's what the board ought to say.
00:13:01.780
Dude, they do it, they do it at the, they do it at the fucking vape sales stores in, in Miami.
00:13:07.880
And I'm like, I'm like, you're literally doing your job.
00:13:12.580
The only person I'm respected, and this guy I talk to a lot, he owns a cigar shop where I get my cigars locally.
00:13:17.680
And, like, he got a new, like, system, which had the stupid thing.
00:13:20.060
I don't know if you guys know, but I get my cigars locally.
00:13:28.980
But, like, it can't, like, he does the whole thing.
00:13:31.140
I guess it's literally just programmed into every point of sale machine now.
00:13:39.220
Because I just spent fucking three days running that same thing, the Square POS.
00:13:45.960
It says, do you want to make tipping available?
00:13:50.100
Dude, you know how much money you would have made from all those drunk skank festers?
00:13:56.760
Like, so I want to give them a good experience.
00:13:59.140
Like, basically get in and get out as fast as you can and go back to wherever you're going, right?
00:14:03.440
Like, I feel like that extra step there just adds, like, this extra level of, like, bullshit.
00:14:08.140
When you're at skank fest, you're not in the real world.
00:14:10.040
You're in this fucking, like, danger party kind of.
00:14:12.460
So now that you're a co-owner, what percentage of the rake did you take from the event?
00:14:27.100
You're like, I'm flying first class to Georgia, motherfucker.
00:14:36.480
So I'm, like, shocked that she didn't, like, pull a gun out and, like, point it into Cole's window.
00:14:43.300
The cigar guy, like, it came up and he was like, oh, this is stupid shit.
00:14:48.060
I was like, I respect that, like, if it comes up.
00:14:54.420
And it's really pissing me off because you do feel, like, especially.
00:15:07.940
Your poor face two and a half feet away from me.
00:15:19.300
Because, you know, like, usually it's a thing that, like, swivels and turns.
00:15:33.060
And this isn't even, like, the fucking iPad one.
00:15:36.760
Like, like, like, that you see at a supermarket.
00:15:38.840
They're going to start asking at the supermarket.
00:15:45.100
Bro, with what I pay at the supermarket, if they ask for any additional percentage,
00:15:51.060
You're just going to punch this bitch in the face.
00:15:54.980
How close, by the way, how close or already do y'all actually just rob from grocery stores?
00:16:06.660
Going to Las Vegas, I stole a big smart water from fucking Pizza D'Amour.
00:16:16.600
So, I got two slices of pizza, and you grabbed the water from the cooler, right?
00:16:24.700
And then, for some reason, I'm talking to my wife about something else.
00:16:27.000
I don't mention it to her that we're going to steal, but I just go, and I put it in my
00:16:32.700
So, then I get to the front, and then they got the pizza there, because they're sliding
00:16:45.160
Before the tip, she rings me up for two slices, and then she goes to me like this.
00:16:51.360
She goes, you're going to get something to drink?
00:16:55.620
And she goes, you're not even going to get a water or anything?
00:17:16.660
She should have asked you three times if you were going to have a water.
00:17:23.660
She asked the third time, and Tom's just like, nah, you're right.
00:17:31.420
Dude, I always tip the 20% unless something really went wrong.
00:17:37.440
You tip 20% at, like, a fucking, like, a Starbucks?
00:17:51.600
I used to have a rule that I would, if it was under $20, I would only tip $2.
00:18:02.480
When I do carryout, you know how you can do other?
00:18:05.840
I would go other, and I would give them a dollar.
00:18:14.440
Like, going to a coffee shop or something, I still can't hit zero and, like, feel okay in
00:18:23.060
It really brings into question the whole thing of, like, what deserves a tip at this
00:18:28.340
Like, sometimes they do things where I'm like, okay, like, you did go and get that for me.
00:18:38.160
So, like, the commie thing is just, like, this, you know, you hear, like, a lot of,
00:18:41.960
like, all the price inflation is just, you know, they'll say, like, oh, it's, like,
00:18:45.240
greedy, like, fucking landowners are greedy, like, fucking.
00:18:48.580
And this, to me, I think this is, like, just a greed thing.
00:18:51.280
I don't think this is anywhere near, like, a, like, a, oh, like.
00:18:55.260
I think that these kids are all dying under this inflationary environment.
00:19:01.720
Like, everywhere I go, I got to tip you 20 extra percent on top of the already doubled
00:19:07.620
Like, tipping started during the Depression because the owners of restaurants didn't
00:19:13.580
And so, they just said, like, y'all pay them instead.
00:19:17.300
Oh, I thought it was, like, a Jew thing because they, like, cut off your tip at birth.
00:19:22.440
See, just the way you said Jew again, it says it has spike to it.
00:19:30.480
Like, the whole, like, even tipping at restaurants is just so fucking dumb.
00:19:39.520
At a restaurant, the service, yeah, the service actually, like, and it's like an hour-long
00:19:47.000
Like, they got to come and get the jewelry, get the voter, get your food.
00:19:49.780
Yeah, I know, but you get paid fucking shit for that.
00:19:52.780
But, like, at a coffee place, like, you're literally interacting with me for fucking eight
00:19:56.380
seconds, and I got to give you fucking an extra $2.50?
00:20:00.860
And the thing is, like, it's literally doing their job, making coffee.
00:20:04.440
And they're just like, I want extra money on top of this to, like, just do the same
00:20:09.800
And you're at some, like, Starbucks joint where, like, the minimum wage is probably
00:20:21.540
That's the problem with service as well is that tipping, like, because they get tipped,
00:20:27.020
So, they get paid, like, $2 an hour or some shit.
00:20:37.660
Like, they still do that because it's, like, so weird.
00:20:46.040
Bro, and I'm telling you, like, to eat, to buy anything there is already astronomical.
00:20:51.920
And if they're going to make all of their low-level employees $20, you're talking, like,
00:20:56.080
it's, like, fast food joints, it'll be $100 for a family of four.
00:21:00.920
While we're on this kind of, like, governmental shit, I got to talk about this.
00:21:12.300
I was going to say the only place I've ever, coffee-wise, that I've ever tipped is there
00:21:29.920
Okay, you're literally, like, your tits are basically out.
00:21:37.900
They just happened to, like, serve coffee as well.
00:21:44.000
No, we got a coffee chain that's up here, kind of a local chain called Mary Lou's, and
00:21:48.980
they only hire, like, hot young women to work there, and they're kind of, like, scantily
00:21:53.180
clad, and you're like, I'm like, I gotta tip these bitches.
00:21:56.080
They used to do that at every service industry job.
00:22:03.920
Literally flying used to be, like, the, like, stewardesses used to be, like, yeah, you're
00:22:11.740
It's like, it's like, my dick doesn't get even remotely hard for any of this.
00:22:15.760
The government's making everything fucking awful.
00:22:21.880
It's like they're trying to make life torture for straight men.
00:22:27.060
What did you guys do for the fucking thing today?
00:22:36.540
I was at work, so, like, a bunch of people's phones went off.
00:22:39.620
Do you think that black people noticed it, even?
00:22:59.940
Dude, I bet, yeah, like, the government's gonna...
00:23:01.600
What if a black person throws his phone down his own hallway because it's beeping?
00:23:14.380
I think the government was actually making an honest attempt at solving the inner city
00:23:23.240
They unleashed some sort of weapon, and they know that the black people can't hear the alerts.
00:23:27.080
Clint wasn't even up to have a second nap by that time.
00:23:42.060
No, no, I'll tell you because I was very upset because it actually...
00:23:56.000
Because I was gonna put my phone on airplane mode.
00:24:03.320
Okay, so I was like, okay, I'll put my phone on airplane mode at 1.18 and then I turned
00:24:08.700
my TV off and I put my computer on airplane mode.
00:24:11.800
I was like, I'm not fucking getting this shit because it's supposed to go out at all.
00:24:16.180
Like, right when I opened, like, the alarm went off, opened up my phone and it goes,
00:24:22.420
I was like, you bitches went two minutes early.
00:24:25.200
And then, like, uh, and then I turned on airplane mode and then when I took it off,
00:24:29.700
because it's still, I was still like, I'll get past 1.20.
00:24:31.780
At 1.21, I took it off and then they sent two more.
00:24:44.100
It was when I took off airplane mode, it came in.
00:24:50.080
Oh, I took my phone, I, like, left the phone off.
00:24:52.540
Like, it was for, like, a good 30 minutes or so.
00:24:54.760
So, and then I turned it back on, and then the motherfucker had the gall,
00:24:57.420
probably 15 minutes after it was supposed to happen,
00:24:59.360
to still start beeping as soon as I turned it on.
00:25:10.620
And, again, I'm, like, the wrong person to be doing this,
00:25:15.320
And also, I, for my other show, we picked up a sponsor,
00:25:19.540
Matthew Reif, who deals with these electromagnetic canceling machines.
00:25:27.820
I put it in a Faraday box inside my parents' house.
00:25:32.780
They all turn their shit off and put it in a Faraday box.
00:25:41.840
I unplugged it, unplugged the router and all that shit.
00:25:45.860
I'm laying down, looking up at the trees right above the trampoline.
00:26:04.340
And I looked at my son and I was like, do you hear that?
00:26:09.100
So I get out the trampoline and I run over to the contractor in my house.
00:26:12.060
And I was like, hey, Juan, like, is your phone beeping?
00:26:14.480
And he looked, he said, oh, yeah, look, just beeped.
00:26:18.400
It felt like, so is this like a wave that's coming that like disturbed these crickets
00:26:23.520
and then fucking transmitted right into this dude's phone?
00:26:26.620
I don't know what this was, but this legitimately happened.
00:26:30.740
This frequency has got to fuck with like bugs like that.
00:26:39.760
I know you already told this story on your show top, on your other show top.
00:26:43.700
You guys were talking about how you guys can hear, like,
00:26:46.740
one of you guys was talking about TVs, like old TVs and how you could almost feel them.
00:26:50.640
Do you guys remember, did you guys, I was able to literally as a kid hear TVs.
00:27:00.000
Dude, do you guys remember if we just, go ahead.
00:27:03.140
Oh, when, when you're, I don't think any of you are old enough to have experienced this,
00:27:07.540
but I had this TV that when you would shut it off, it was this big ass tube, like big,
00:27:14.900
And then there would be this, there would be this, there would be this fucking,
00:27:17.940
this red and blue and green, like aura that just stuck in the middle of the TV for like two minutes or some shit.
00:27:24.460
I don't know how long it lasted, but do you guys remember that?
00:27:29.880
Yeah, because it was a vacuum tube that was literally like emitting like a, I can't remember.
00:27:40.080
Because that's how they had to do it because it was a vacuum tube and they had to like,
00:27:43.200
they were shooting it like a light rays, like photons.
00:27:49.920
Dude, do you guys remember, you guys remember when we used to do this show and we were funny?
00:28:00.360
I was, I was wondering like, I think it's, it's kind of crazy.
00:28:03.180
To the top has like this personal Faraday cage.
00:28:05.880
But what I was thinking is what if black people, because they're so often in cages that they're
00:28:11.740
like, they're like living perpetually in a Faraday cage and that's why they can't hear
00:28:21.960
Yo, honestly, honestly today, the only thing I was afraid of, I was like, I was like, I
00:28:25.820
know Top's not dumb enough to get him or his wife or his kids vaccinated.
00:28:38.740
I thought, I thought we were going to come back and Jose's heart was going to be blown
00:28:42.620
He's just going to be sitting in front of his camera.
00:28:48.080
I thought for some reason, because it's not your normal radio, that it wouldn't happen.
00:28:58.820
Skipping a beat for you is a whole nother deal.
00:29:01.080
I don't know why all this crazy shit happened to you.
00:29:04.400
When it happened to me, I got one alert on my phone.
00:29:06.520
My phone's on silent, so I just saw my phone light up.
00:29:11.220
I hit cancel or whatever, and then that was it.
00:29:15.140
So did like tens of thousands of people kill their kids or do anything crazy because of
00:29:22.320
So I'm less on the like, oh, this was out like a 5G radio, like destroy your lives or
00:29:27.840
I think it's just more like they know World War III is about to happen.
00:29:31.640
And they literally said, this is just, they literally said, this is for, and they did the
00:29:50.560
Well, what, what concerned me about it was that, that Russia had their fucking nuke emergency
00:29:55.820
alarm thing happened today too, simultaneously.
00:30:02.100
That's, that's why I don't like, like, I just don't like any of this.
00:30:06.760
I'm like, everybody looks at me like I'm crazy thinking like, like we could actually end up
00:30:10.400
in a hot war, like a hot nuclear war, but it's like, what are we doing?
00:30:13.340
Like what, we're just marching towards this shit.
00:30:15.400
What we're saying, what we're saying guys is that we are going to be in Georgia.
00:30:23.940
There was another one I saw that, uh, and also I don't know why you're being, uh, fucking
00:30:28.920
weird about not being funny because this is October and we said in October, we're going
00:30:32.280
to do a fucking like kind of conspiracy thing anyway.
00:30:35.080
So we said we do it as like a separate show that we shouldn't sacrifice the funny.
00:30:38.620
That's fucking, you sacrifice the funny every week toad, every, every aspect of life is
00:30:44.860
a sacrifice of funny, every aspect of this has been funny.
00:30:48.440
This, this has been funny talking about tipping.
00:30:53.760
Someone said that, uh, California has ordered like 3 million caskets for some reason or some
00:30:58.540
And then they were just like, they were asked about it.
00:31:02.520
They're like, they're like, no, it's no big deal though.
00:31:17.560
Uh, definitely a goyim, which is, uh, definitely not a grappler that guy, uh, which would you
00:31:24.020
rather fuck or for Jose gorilla fuck a mason jar of staples and horseradish or a bucket
00:31:31.280
of centipedes, bucket of centipedes, I'm going centipedes, a mason jar full of what?
00:31:47.240
As long as they're not like poisonous centipedes, I'm black.
00:31:51.220
I'm going to turn those centipedes into a jelly lube to completion.
00:31:58.960
So I'd go with the centipedes if we mean you're going to stick your dick in one of
00:32:04.060
these things because like, I don't think that that would look like, right?
00:32:08.340
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's
00:32:16.320
You've been doing it all wrong your entire life.
00:32:17.660
What if this means you're shoving the mason jar up your anus?
00:32:26.560
You're only doing that so your buddy can fuck it and not be gay.
00:32:30.540
No, because then I would go the other way because the centipedes would like crawl like into your
00:32:39.440
Toad is a reincarnation of the guy that died that put the whole jar in his asshole.
00:32:50.340
That guy died and then Toad was born and that Toad is heading toward the same exact fate.
00:33:00.020
Like something that's totally avoidable, but you do it anyways?
00:33:22.980
That's the guy that fucked the horse, by the way.
00:33:32.280
Mark Vestibule says, you and another member of the gang have to become gay lovers.
00:33:37.780
And if you're the bottom, does the answer change?
00:33:45.160
Who would we top and who would we prefer as our bottom?
00:33:48.220
No, but I think the bigger question is who would you prefer?
00:34:05.520
You know, I'm going off my pre-seen toad's dick.
00:34:38.600
I feel like he's the one I can most convince myself as a woman.
00:34:42.940
Because it kind of looks like black woman hair, you know?
00:34:48.020
But now, like, who would I want to top me if I have to?
00:34:51.900
I guess I'd go toad because I've seen his dick.
00:35:11.020
So I guess toad would be the one I don't want to top.
00:35:14.220
Yeah, but that was him soft, and Toad was fully erect.
00:35:23.960
If it was hard as a rock, it would have been up and not down.
00:35:29.820
So, like, that's, like, and then, which is slightly bigger than Toad's, I think.
00:35:38.000
Cole's dick is a mystery to me because it's, like, the angle on it is so strange.
00:35:51.320
I said, I mean, I feel like I could, like, I thought about entering Nicest Dick.
00:35:55.120
I just want to remind you guys, this is my only friend group where I know, like, everybody's dick.
00:36:01.140
I would choose Clint if I have to choose somebody to top me because I think he would fall asleep.
00:36:19.960
Now that you chose me, I'm going to go so fucking hard on you, it's going to be insane.
00:36:25.480
He's going to get gas station dick pills and absolutely, like, ran with your fucking liver, dude.
00:36:32.220
My dick works just fine, and I'm going to wreck your asshole.
00:36:36.460
And I guess I would top top for the same reason as Jose because I could convince myself.
00:36:48.620
So, like, you could be like, if I was going to be on top, is that a b-hole I could fuck?
00:36:59.360
I think Jose, now that Cole's in shape, he is, if I was gay, total snack.
00:37:05.720
Like, I would absolutely want to fuck Cole because Cole's whole hindquarters are like,
00:37:14.340
So, when I first started working out, because I had a dumpy on me from being fat.
00:37:22.080
And then it came back, and now it's just muscles.
00:37:56.640
Ooh, I just realized if I could, technically I can choose myself.
00:38:00.440
I think I would choose me because if I can top myself, I think, like, I store fat mostly
00:38:07.040
So, I think that gives me more of, like, a feminine feel, like, if you're grabbing it,
00:38:12.500
By the way, no one's choosing Jose to be, like, your top because he will gorilla fuck.
00:38:23.180
I also like the top choice as a bottom because he is, like, a Latina or Latino.
00:38:39.520
And if, like, maybe, like, he has, like, I don't know what his back look like, but it
00:38:43.560
could be, like, a woman's back, like, a woman Latina's back.
00:38:49.120
I feel like you could also, like, kind of, you could squint and be, like, those are, like,
00:38:56.080
And he probably is a little bumpy on him, dude.
00:38:59.660
But I think Jose made a mistake by letting Toad be the top because I feel like either,
00:39:05.960
like, I feel like he would be really aggressive with you.
00:39:08.420
Like, with his, the way his dick is shaped and, like, how he's kind of, I feel like he
00:39:18.160
I mean, I'm probably choosing Top just because I want to hang out with him the most.
00:39:25.600
You would fuck him and be like, hey, man, you want to get a beer and just chill?
00:39:32.260
I was going to choose Cole because Cole has the best attitude out of everybody.
00:39:36.840
So I'd be like, I guess I don't mind this guy fucking me.
00:39:41.040
If you're going to, if you're going to have to get fucked by a guy, you might as well.
00:39:43.740
I'm also, I'm a very, it might be a friendly guy, you know.
00:39:48.300
Like, I, I, I like whenever the other person, like, comes or fucking gets off.
00:39:53.080
So, like, that's, so I would also be, like, I would be fucking you, but I'd be,
00:39:55.960
like, also giving you a little reach around, too.
00:39:57.600
I'd be, like, I'm going to, you're going to come as well.
00:40:00.320
You do that dope-ass move where they reach behind and kind of play with the balls, you know.
00:40:05.460
You never, like, hit it from behind and they, like, reach under their legs and kind of, like,
00:40:19.180
They jerk themselves over one hand and grab your balls with the other.
00:40:21.940
Yo, that's, that's what's great about being gay is, like, you just know.
00:40:28.580
You really do know what to do with another guy because, like, and you can jerk, like.
00:40:34.280
Yeah, but the AIDS doesn't come from the gay sex.
00:40:43.520
I don't think I've ever had, uh, maybe, like, once during sex I've had my, like, like.
00:40:49.180
Dude, it's crazy how, like, how terrible sex life is.
00:40:57.420
Like, I like to, so, like, I get off on somebody else getting off.
00:41:03.740
Next time, when he's hitting it from behind, reach between those legs and just kind of
00:41:07.220
lightly just kind of, you know, just play with them.
00:41:12.840
I feel like Liz, Liz is such a dom that she probably doesn't touch his balls at all.
00:41:24.680
Honestly, I think that's exactly what happened.
00:41:37.620
If it's from behind, they're usually having to do, like, the whole, like, like, this,
00:41:41.000
like, standing, like, you know, putting their arms out.
00:41:45.160
The only reason Cole is this jacked is because, because Liz negged him during sex.
00:41:51.320
You're just going to be fat the whole time or something.
00:42:01.920
The hottest thing, the hottest thing you could do, though, is if you're fucking a girl,
00:42:04.800
doggy style, and the girl reaches through her legs, like, like, like Jose was talking about,
00:42:09.440
but then she grabs, she grabs your balls, and she, she pulls on them, and she says,
00:42:14.000
Like, she's, like, trying to, like, drain it out of your balls.
00:42:18.260
I already get the, that type of dirty talk already gets me anyway.
00:42:22.320
Yeah, I love it because you've never experienced it.
00:42:30.660
You guys have a phenomenon to where when they're starting to cum and they start making those,
00:42:33.400
like, cum noises, it all starts making you cum quicker.
00:42:37.020
It's like this, it's like a dangerous thing because you're like, shit, now I'm going
00:42:40.560
You're like, you're trying to hold it back, you know?
00:42:43.360
And then women take forever anyway, so they're cum towards this start 10 minutes out of when
00:42:50.060
This is the problem that I have is, like, I'm the same way as Cole where, like, I have
00:42:53.980
So, but, but, like, I'll, I'll get to the point that I, I'm like, okay, I could if I wanted
00:43:03.580
And then, and then when she comes, my dick's like, you had your shot, buddy.
00:43:19.000
Yeah, you're quoting that my dick works fine, but then you can't, like.
00:43:22.440
No, I think, I think that is a, I think that is a fully functioning dick.
00:43:25.540
No, but also, you did tell me before that you have never had sex and not cum, so.
00:43:34.800
No, I said, I said the first, like, 20 times I had sex, I didn't cum.
00:43:43.640
I just was, like, I was horrified of, like, getting the girl pregnant or something.
00:43:48.460
Your body was like, don't worry, dude, we got you.
00:43:53.120
Dude, I'm trying to wrap my mind around this, like, Kohl's situation, like, as being, like,
00:44:05.160
This is like for me when you guys start talking about sports?
00:44:12.240
He's like, yeah, yeah, the Cowboys did really let us down last Sunday.
00:44:16.780
No, this is like the fat man's paradox, though, because I want some bitch who's fucking me
00:44:26.000
It's like, especially when you're talking about a hypothetical, it sounds like, sounds
00:44:30.640
Becoming less, becoming less, I'm racist and misogynist.
00:44:34.880
Becoming less fat, but how can I get a bitch to fuck me in the first place if I am too
00:44:39.600
But see, you keep saying bitch, and that's why you're not getting any bitches.
00:44:47.140
You gotta stop calling them bitches when you say it like that.
00:45:02.420
They like detach receptacles from your fucking clitoris or something.
00:45:11.680
I think Toad has a dick that can make her cum, though.
00:45:16.340
By the way, a woman that doesn't have feeling in her cooter is probably the most dangerous
00:45:22.800
Because she would just use it as a weapon, and then while she's using it as a weapon,
00:45:27.000
she still gets no pleasure from it, so she can still manipulate during it.
00:45:37.960
Literally, all she has to do is stop taking benzodiazepines.
00:45:43.920
Losing weight makes your D look bigger, Toad, making Josie.
00:46:02.900
Maybe it's one of the 17 times you've saved it.
00:46:07.620
It was in between my sixth and seventh nap of the day, so I don't know.
00:46:27.900
If she messaged me and said it with that amount of emphasis, I probably would have done it.
00:46:34.440
That's actually, wait, Clint, challenge for you.
00:46:38.080
The next time you date a girl or something like that, you're on Tinder, try to get a nude from her, but you send the nude first.
00:46:47.100
You basically got to talk your way into the nude.
00:46:50.180
Wait, and the nude, if I have to send Toad's nude and pretend that it's mine, I'm never getting a response ever.
00:47:02.880
I feel like out of all of us, Clint's the one that could do this.
00:47:09.760
If I have to send Toad's body, I'm sledding uphill.
00:47:26.040
Yeah, but it's all from married bitches that are just desperate for any attention, you know?
00:47:38.300
They're so not happy that they're doing this with Toad.
00:47:41.140
No, I mean, I think it's like, I think it's like, it's the perfect, it's the perfect dude
00:47:45.640
to send your, like, your depressed, unmarried and unhappy nudes to because then, like, if
00:47:50.880
it comes out, you go, like, this guy's a virgin.
00:47:54.600
I've never, like, of course I'm not having an affair with him.
00:47:58.840
Yeah, but I'm also like, like, this chick is married, so there's no commitment involved.
00:48:04.640
Yeah, that's, that's why, that's why you're doing it.
00:48:08.040
Dude, you're waiting till, you're waiting till you're married.
00:48:11.080
Yo, he's, he's committed to, he's committed to a life bit that is, like, it's truly, it's
00:48:19.280
He was like, be a fucking, I just, I just want to let you guys know that I was committed
00:48:26.640
I was so committed to that, that it would have still been going on if you didn't figure,
00:48:30.360
if you didn't figure me out, I would have let it go the whole time.
00:48:37.720
I know you would have done that shit until, like, one of us committed suicide on air.
00:48:41.700
By the way, when that happened, you had to be like, oh, Colt's IQ is a little bit higher
00:48:52.720
I mean, the last person I thought that would catch me.
00:48:56.220
I was like, we should have never gave this nigga admin.
00:49:00.760
I don't have admins, so I had no capacity to figure it out.
00:49:04.920
The only reason I was even suspecting Top is because he actually left entirely.
00:49:26.500
No, these people pay a lot of money to ask us stupid questions, and we're going to read them.
00:49:48.780
Only when Toad has something else to record when we're done, in which case we do a three
00:50:00.240
Toad, Toad, if you keep talking, it's going to be a five hour tower game.
00:50:07.060
He's going to go for at least like two and a half hours.
00:50:19.820
How many questions do you think we've missed that have been bangers because he's the arbiter
00:50:26.120
We got George Jefferson and fucking conspiracy extremists.
00:50:37.880
Remember the fucking the nigger faggot till I die?
00:50:47.380
It's like an unauthorizable thing because we don't know the other chats.
00:50:50.380
If I wasn't as lazy as I am, I would replace you, Toad.
00:50:56.400
And honestly, him serving as the arbiter of funny with these questions is a catastrophic
00:51:16.660
Mailmonkey35 says society's collapsing, assuming Crassers lose the road.
00:51:32.720
Now, I want you to read a question from the mailbag that you weren't intending to read.
00:51:45.360
I may have actually sent it now that I see the scoring.
00:52:11.900
They said, hey, they said, hey, do you want to do the fucking convention in Georgia?
00:52:27.600
I mean, it sounds like a blast, but there's just no way they can fly us all out there.
00:52:32.900
Like, it's going to be so expensive, but I don't know.
00:52:37.680
Start writing numbers in the chat of how much you're going to pay us.
00:53:00.900
So 6 is probably like, or 10 is like 11 inches, maybe.
00:53:09.900
Have you guys seen that video recently where there's like a chick talk?
00:53:11.900
Talking about big dicks and like how there is some truth to that.
00:53:14.900
The fact that like once you get past like 9 inches, you're just hurting a bitch.
00:53:22.720
So I'd say like a 9, maybe even an 8 is a 10, honestly.
00:53:28.460
And I think once you get past like 8 or 9 inches, you start to like kind of get negative points, actually.
00:53:33.500
I think the advantage of having like an 8 plus is that then you can do other positions and still like maximal pussy.
00:53:43.720
Because then, because like otherwise, like if you have like a 6 to 8, you still got to like, you got to give it everything you got.
00:53:51.420
Once you're at like 8 and a half, 9, then you can like, she can do like fun, you can do spins and she's still bottoming out.
00:54:07.520
Well, it's very bulbous, which is why it was obviously erect and he's a lying piece of shit.
00:54:29.220
I didn't want your dick sent to me, so now I send it to whoever I want.
00:54:40.440
I actually didn't show it to anyone, I think about it.
00:55:00.720
I don't know what the fuck you're even talking about.
00:55:04.140
Oh, we've been talking about your dick this entire time.
00:55:08.060
Y'all probably want some deep-dish pussy is a great fucking term.
00:55:16.940
Oh, you fucking went to him deep-dish pussy having assholes, huh?
00:55:19.300
She's talking about like she doesn't have a deep-dish pussy.
00:55:21.180
Fucking three kids or whatever the fuck she got.
00:55:23.560
Yeah, Benzo Barber, you have no orgasms, three kids.
00:55:26.920
I appreciate that if you round up, then Josie is giving me a 7 out of 10 overall.
00:55:36.300
Because I think it kind of switches a couple numbers up, but I think around 6, 3 quarters, 7.
00:55:42.120
Honestly, I think this is where the size of his body is a tremendous advantage.
00:55:48.440
Because in the photo, it looks more impressive because he's such a tiny man.
00:55:52.760
But if you transpose it directly onto a normal-sized body, you're like, oh.
00:55:57.520
Also, by the way, and I'll say that Raven's dick, if Toad's is 6 and 3 quarters, Raven's
00:56:19.220
Because maybe it would be like he got a low score on his girth.
00:56:25.100
If his dick was actually just limp like that, his dick is enormous when it's hard.
00:56:35.760
I'm done talking about your dick, you piece of shit.
00:56:37.280
Yeah, Raven's, I think, was post-beat probably, yeah.
00:56:40.980
Yeah, Raven, in the chat, go ahead and be honest.
00:56:49.000
I don't want to fucking put up with this deception.
00:56:50.920
I feel like we keep on bringing up Raven versus Toad's dick, and Toad's dick just keeps
00:56:59.700
I was like, his dick has 38 years of taking beatings.
00:57:04.420
I really feel like Toad's getting dicks and not telling us at this point.
00:57:09.880
I saw this, and then someone came in with this.
00:57:10.500
You can quote tweet with your dick, but really, I gotta just DM him.
00:57:19.020
Josie is apparently accepting dicks for reading.
00:57:27.100
He's got to read the one that he doesn't want to read.
00:57:29.240
I completely ignored the last one that you said.
00:57:45.340
We're not doing anything until you fucking read all these fucking mails.
00:58:08.020
What we're doing right now is just seeing if maybe what you're looking.
00:58:11.800
So, we're just doing a test to see if maybe the ones you're looking at are not, like,
00:58:20.320
And if it actually is, if it actually is a good question, then you're fucking wrong.
00:58:28.300
Toad, Toad, read the three remaining questions, and we'll tell you which one was the funniest,
00:58:32.060
and then we'll tell you if you got the, if you picked the right one to tell us.
00:58:36.980
Conspiracy Extremist says who's your favorite musician slash song.
00:58:55.920
The other one I was not going to read says, only fags take dick pics, Toad.
00:59:21.260
I mean, well, the ones like that you could just say, because it's a statement.
00:59:24.060
You could just read off just to throw him a bone, you know?
00:59:27.260
For a guy who gets no pussy, he's got a tremendous ego on him.
00:59:32.180
We want the show to be the funny shit that we have planned, that we want to talk about.
00:59:36.800
The mailbag is a small part of what we want to do here.
00:59:40.860
The mailbag is a toad's dick of what we're going on here.
00:59:43.620
And MailMonkey35, the one that we'll actually answer, which I don't think is that good either.
00:59:49.100
Assuming credit scores lose their relevance, what do you max your credit score on while you still have the opportunity?
00:59:57.440
I think he means, what are you buying on credit since the dollar is dying?
01:00:05.260
I'm buying a boat for sure so I can get the fuck out of here.
01:00:07.580
Clint, is this something that you would recommend to somebody because the dollar is dying?
01:00:14.760
Should you just go ahead and blow your credit cards right now for random shit?
01:00:18.560
Dude, I wish I could know definitively the timing because then I would tell everybody that.
01:00:23.060
You know, there are Bitcoin maxis out there that say,
01:00:25.300
You should be borrowing, you should be taking out second mortgages on your home, Helix.
01:00:29.360
You should be maxing your credit cards just to buy Bitcoin.
01:00:31.580
There's fucking, there's people out there advising that actively right now.
01:00:35.100
It really sucks because Bitcoin, like year over year, like I guess to last year, it's down.
01:00:41.140
Significantly, you would be looking at the rope that is hanging in Toad's room and you'd be like,
01:00:48.040
You'd be looking at the rope but you couldn't afford to buy it.
01:00:50.100
Yeah, well, I like the rope and how functional it is because I can use it to like lynch a bunch of black people before I kill myself.
01:00:59.760
There's just not a chance in hell you're lynching any black people.
01:01:06.960
I almost wanted to bring it up this episode, like I saw today, that Jim Cramer said that McCarthy was the guy that got ousted as the, whatever, the speaker or fucking whatever he was.
01:01:24.380
And Jim Cramer was like, he will never be voted out and he got voted out.
01:01:29.860
I love, just the whole Jim Cramer meme is hilarious.
01:01:44.980
But he is absolutely wrong on basically almost everything he says.
01:01:48.920
I mean, that's why the meme is so believable because you never know.
01:01:53.800
I'm buying a boat so I can fucking get the fuck out of here.
01:01:56.360
I just think it's really sad that we're so far towards the end of the world of whatever's happening that we're talking about this legitimately.
01:02:04.620
This is how we kind of all got into this space.
01:02:07.240
And instead of thinking about it anymore, I'm just having the time of my life doing retarded dick jokes with you guys.
01:02:19.940
On Liberty Lockdown, I talk about this shit series.
01:02:21.880
And then on here, I come in and I just act retarded for an hour.
01:02:26.280
We're four months away from four years from 2020.
01:02:34.100
I'm spending all of my money on you guys, on Tower Gang.
01:02:40.320
Why don't you spend some money and go fuck some bitches?
01:02:44.400
Like, take out a second mortgage on your home or something.
01:02:47.660
I take all the money you sent to me and I just go buy bitches with it.
01:02:50.640
I need to invest in something that I have faith in.
01:02:57.840
Because I know you're weird about – real quick, look behind the curtain.
01:03:02.020
If the world is going to end, yes, I will do it.
01:03:12.160
I'll spend some of it on pussy and then the rest of it on Tower Gang.
01:03:15.540
But I do want to let the audience know that according to –
01:03:24.000
Maybe they feel like that's your nugget to tell.
01:03:30.360
So Ralph comes by the merch booth and he's like, how's it going?
01:03:34.940
And he goes, yeah, we just had on the SDR show some fucking guy won a contest
01:03:40.200
and he's having sex right now with the porn star that was on the show.
01:03:44.500
And I was like, dude, I do a show with another virgin that's a loser.
01:03:50.500
And he was like, yeah, I think we could probably set that up.
01:03:53.440
And I was like, I'm going to put a pin in that and talk about that later.
01:03:57.080
So that would actually be pretty – would you do that, Toad?
01:04:10.520
You knock out a whore for the first one, get out of your system,
01:04:21.000
I mean, that's the most memorable thing you can do.
01:04:35.400
No, the best part was that because the whole thing was that they did –
01:04:43.720
That they are going to do a fight between two virgins,
01:04:46.820
and whoever wins the fight is going to fuck a porn star.
01:04:50.180
And the funny thing is we were like, Toad would go into that fight.
01:04:52.980
Even if he wins, he would still just sit down with her for like five minutes
01:04:57.180
and be like, so my bets for this weekend are –
01:05:08.120
You would still talk your way out of it somehow.
01:05:12.360
The best thing to do is like if they made it a contest and then you did win,
01:05:16.960
you went through like a gamut of things to win,
01:05:19.160
you sit down with her and record an episode of Better Off Dead.
01:05:38.980
I feel like Toad is attempting to like reverse psychology the entire female population of Earth.
01:05:54.780
They're actually falling for it because they're that dumb.
01:06:12.900
Dude, does that mean we're gay or – I don't know.
01:06:31.040
This is – I mean, legitimately, after I said it, I –
01:06:33.540
I've seen you fingering your butt hole, but go on.
01:06:35.100
Yeah, you woke me up with yourself jerking off and fingering your own asshole.
01:06:41.520
This is one of those times where, like, you're sitting in your bed at night,
01:06:45.100
and you're about to go to sleep, and your brain brings up, like,
01:06:49.520
This is one of those moments, and it happened last week.
01:06:52.940
What happened was it was my father-in-law's birthday.
01:07:00.480
It's just me, my wife, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law.
01:07:04.100
And then, like, we're doing the happy birthday song.
01:07:09.620
And I don't know what everybody's going to say.
01:07:26.140
It's only three of us singing right next to us.
01:07:35.140
I'll be the guy in the crowd that's kind of like,
01:07:45.960
What was great is because everybody said something different.
01:08:13.620
If Liz didn't look at you and call you a faggot right there.
01:08:33.640
It wasn't, like, a reaction where you just, like, copied her.
01:08:38.980
Because she's the dominant one in the relationship.
01:08:41.780
I just panicked, and I just said, I was going to say dad,
01:08:45.980
but then, like, you can't, like, it doesn't go with a song.
01:09:04.760
Cole, when you were at my house, I was asking you about music.
01:09:10.840
And Cole admitted to me that, like, he's like an NPC, but with music.
01:09:15.640
Like, you know the guys that, like, they can't picture an apple in their head?
01:09:25.860
because I'm looking at that chart, and I'm like,
01:09:31.840
I don't see the colors of shit hardly at all in my memory.
01:09:43.540
I can totally imagine my entire childhood home.
01:09:49.280
I guess I can see, like, a little bit of the colors,
01:09:51.960
So, yeah, my memory, I feel like my memory is, like,
01:10:01.580
It's, like, I don't need to know the colors of this shit.
01:10:03.700
I need to know how not to hit my knee on this corner
01:10:07.580
Dude, I see, like, everything, like, vividly in color,
01:10:23.800
I don't think about what they're saying is the whole point.
01:10:33.480
and I just, and the words are just an afterthought.
01:10:40.040
Like, we're answering the mailbag right now, in a way.
01:10:52.360
they speak English, but, like, they sing it in such a way
01:10:54.940
that you can barely understand what the fuck they're saying,
01:11:01.240
That's true, and also, they said that's autism.
01:11:03.060
And, like, literally, I just, like, I don't even think about them.
01:11:05.660
Someone goes, like, oh, my God, like, that song,
01:11:18.520
And they're, like, they're, like, what's that song about?
01:11:25.840
I'll read the, like, if you just give me the lyrics,
01:11:28.460
I can read them, and I'll understand what it's saying.
01:11:30.720
So, like, Richmond from Richmond, you had no clue.
01:11:34.880
Yeah, I'm going, like, why are y'all talking about this?
01:11:53.260
Would you call your father-in-law by his first name
01:12:53.440
Dude, you don't even want us to meet your family.
01:13:28.860
like, the idea that we're supposed to be close,
01:14:33.700
and it's still the wildest thing I've ever had.
01:15:59.080
Are we talking about the dude that got shibbed?