Tower Gang - Ep 152 - washyourbutthole69 w⧸ The Raven

00:00:00.000 Fuck both of you. 1.00

00:00:11.700 Millennium have passed. 1.00

00:00:14.360 And the tower once destroyed.

00:00:17.540 Again, nears completion. 1.00

00:00:22.740 Oh, I thought you knew about the Jew, but now you're being fucked up. 1.00

00:00:26.600 A blank may have sex with a child as long as the child is less than nine years old. 1.00

00:00:41.380 From the dirt below, in the shadow of the tower, among the huddled masses, comes an incoherent yell.

00:00:49.440 Round.

00:00:50.800 We've got one hole, which is...

00:00:53.140 Dude, dude.

00:00:54.040 Like, right now, just to walk out.

00:00:54.860 Dude, dude, if it is me, I believe that, like, I don't even know what I believe.

00:01:00.100 There's some higher power here.

00:01:01.940 What? 1.00

00:01:09.380 It's Tower again, Wednesday, motherfuckers. 1.00

00:01:15.240 What's up, retards? 1.00

00:01:16.400 I'm trying to start a cult here, baby. 1.00

00:01:18.860 So I can only fit a third of my dick into Toad's... 1.00

00:01:21.400 ...mussy. 1.00

00:01:23.860 You want to kill me, or you want to give me a bone? 1.00

00:01:26.520 I don't know. 1.00

00:01:27.680 When I say fuck the Jews, it means I'm horny. 1.00

00:01:30.620 How low is me? 1.00

00:01:31.940 I'm retarded. 1.00

00:01:33.160 Have you guys ever had the mythical where there's a whole thing in, and then do that shit where they're... 0.99

00:01:36.640 The three of you had a threesome of some kind. 1.00

00:01:41.480 I was watching it and jerking off. 1.00

00:01:45.020 You fucking asshole. 1.00

00:01:47.580 I was a liar. 1.00

00:01:48.920 She was a 10 in real life. 0.99

00:01:50.360 She's like a dead 8.

00:01:53.920 Louis, you're like a brother to me.

00:01:55.280 Donald Trump, come on Tower Gang.

00:01:57.240 That is my...

00:01:57.720 Tower Gang is the most offensive podcast. 1.00

00:02:00.220 Fat Dave, fuck you, man. 1.00

00:02:01.780 It's not what this show is about. 1.00

00:02:09.100 This shit is retarded. 1.00

00:02:13.060 It's Big Dick Energy time, bitch. 1.00

00:02:14.800 You know what it is? 1.00

00:02:15.580 It's Wednesday at 9-11, a.k.a. 9-28.

00:02:18.760 It's Tower Gang time, you hoes. 1.00

00:02:20.560 Clint Russell, host of Liberty Lockdown.

00:02:22.060 We got Top Lobster, host of TopLobster.com.

00:02:24.940 We got...

00:02:25.540 Sorry, we're going very fast.

00:02:26.860 We got Toad, host of Better Off Dead.

00:02:28.840 We got Jose, the host.

00:02:33.120 The host of No Way, Jose.

00:02:34.780 And then we got Cole, the strongest midget in all the land. 1.00

00:02:37.880 And also, simultaneously, in the embodiment, the human spirit that is Jose, 1.00

00:02:42.140 that little tiny midget fuck that he is, who's dying of COVID right now. 1.00

00:02:46.020 We have the Big Dick legend himself. 1.00

00:02:48.840 The reigning champion of Cocktober, Raven. 0.58

00:02:52.840 Hell yeah.

00:02:53.520 Dude, what's good, guys?

00:02:54.880 Happy to be here with such a high-level autist.

00:02:57.640 How are you, brother? 1.00

00:02:58.720 Fuck yeah, man. 1.00

00:02:59.680 This guy here, he looks like such a midget to me. 1.00

00:03:01.820 I actually thought it was Wee Man in here. 0.88

00:03:04.300 For those that aren't familiar, this is Top's co-host over on Nephilim.

00:03:09.640 He actually looks like him.

00:03:11.560 He does not look like Wee Man.

00:03:13.300 I saw Top recently, and I was disappointed.

00:03:15.840 When we met for the first time at Carnival of Combat, you're taller than me.

00:03:20.760 I am, like, I'm a small dude.

00:03:22.480 And it was above that.

00:03:23.380 Yeah, I just, well, no, it's a forehead, too.

00:03:26.620 Like, you're a whole forehead above me.

00:03:28.120 And I felt like we were going to be the same height, and I was let down.

00:03:30.520 But, yeah, guys, happy to be here.

00:03:32.260 Thanks for having me.

00:03:33.360 And, yeah, winner of Cocktober.

00:03:34.980 Thank you so much.

00:03:36.080 Yeah, you know, it's even more impressive. 0.99

00:03:37.300 Even more impressive knowing that you're also a midget with that big a cock. 1.00

00:03:42.980 I started doing the math, right? 0.99

00:03:45.020 I was like, look, if I'm, because I'm 5'7", right?

00:03:47.440 The cat's out of the bag. 0.99

00:03:48.500 But if my penis is 7 inches long, what's 67? 1.00

00:03:51.500 That's a good ratio. 1.00

00:03:52.860 Yeah, 67 times .07.

00:03:55.600 Somebody do the math in the chat for me. 1.00

00:03:57.340 That's the percentage of my height that my penis is. 0.99

00:03:59.940 So that's like 9 to 1. 0.99

00:04:00.820 That's got to count for something.

00:04:02.420 I don't know what the ratio is.

00:04:04.260 Had I known your height, it would have been more challenging for you to win Cocktober

00:04:10.760 because, you know, perspective on a tiny man, you got a real piece on you,

00:04:15.920 but you're a tiny guy.

00:04:16.880 So it's like in some ways it's advantageous, though, 1.00

00:04:19.920 because women would never see that shit coming, and you just hit them with a hammer. 1.00

00:04:22.740 No, that makes it even better. 1.00

00:04:24.020 And now I feel worse because now even my dick to height ratio doesn't compare to Ravens. 0.99

00:04:29.900 You're for sure about the 7 inches, though? 0.99

00:04:32.520 I have a confession to make, Toast.

00:04:34.920 What?

00:04:35.300 Go ahead.

00:04:35.580 Listen, you guys said 7 inches.

00:04:37.800 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

00:04:38.240 I've seen it.

00:04:39.220 Don't you think now he's – like I wouldn't back away from that. 0.98

00:04:42.420 If you just guess my shit was 7, I'd be like, yeah, we're just going to go with that. 0.93

00:04:45.660 So from whatever David says or whatever Ravens says going from now on forward, 1.00

00:04:50.280 he's not to be trusted about the size of his dick. 1.00

00:04:52.760 Toxt him, motherfucker. 1.00

00:04:53.740 Which I had to look at for quite a while. 1.00

00:04:55.060 This is an important detail that I've been wanting to ask.

00:04:58.380 That was immediate post-beat, correct? 1.00

00:05:00.560 Your dick does not hang that long normally. 1.00

00:05:02.760 Yes, let's get to the bottom of this. 1.00

00:05:05.460 He's a pro.

00:05:05.920 We have some unpacking to do right here because number one, there were no stipulations.

00:05:11.020 There were no rules, okay?

00:05:12.420 That's true.

00:05:12.600 So, Clint, I got to tell you, you came hot out of the gate, right?

00:05:15.940 Because you looked at my meat and you said that there was manipulation, all right?

00:05:20.340 If we're being cool about it, you said there was manipulation.

00:05:24.140 Now, we never said that there could not be manipulation, all right?

00:05:28.400 So, I'm going to need you to retract some of the energy because I was in the chat.

00:05:32.040 I was unable to have a dialogue with you.

00:05:33.260 This is powerful.

00:05:34.120 This is powerful energy right now.

00:05:34.940 What I do want to say is that I do not—

00:05:36.520 He just came onto your show.

00:05:38.360 Wait up. 1.00

00:05:38.620 And he's like, I need you to retract some of this energy, bitch. 1.00

00:05:42.280 Since you had seven weeks ago. 0.98

00:05:44.500 This has been weighing heavy on my shoulders for a while now.

00:05:48.000 And I want to say—

00:05:49.400 Hold on, hold on, hold on.

00:05:50.720 Hold on.

00:05:50.980 I did not bring it up in an accusatory fashion.

00:05:53.100 I just said that is clearly a post-beat wiener. 0.98

00:05:55.400 That's all I was saying.

00:05:56.720 I'm just saying if you go back and you listen to it, you had a tone.

00:05:59.300 Now, we're going to clear the air here, right?

00:06:02.200 And the way we're going to clear this air is I do not spill my seed all willy-nilly, all right? 0.99

00:06:09.200 So, that was not a post-beat penis. 0.99

00:06:11.560 Wait up, wait up. 1.00

00:06:12.240 Hold on, hold on.

00:06:13.420 All willy-nilly. 0.99

00:06:14.720 I just think it's kind of fucked up. 0.99

00:06:16.420 Actually, what are we doing here? 1.00

00:06:18.040 Yeah, fuck it. 0.99

00:06:18.440 We're going to share this real quick. 1.00

00:06:20.200 But I think—

00:06:20.740 Yeah, we are. 0.62

00:06:22.460 I think it's fucked up how serious you took this because he's remembering every detail.

00:06:26.500 Whereas, like, what are these podcast guys said something about us and we were, like, barely watched it. 0.68

00:06:31.700 Like, we didn't even— 0.98

00:06:33.300 We were talking about his cock, so you would take that personally. 0.99

00:06:35.900 Dude, also, this also makes me feel better because I had less manipulation on it. 0.98

00:06:39.100 I didn't even take my picture specifically for you guys.

00:06:41.540 That was a pic that I had already taken for the ladies. 0.99

00:06:44.620 Toad had no manipulation on his fully erect cock. 0.99

00:06:47.760 It was not erect. 0.99

00:06:48.800 It was not erect at all.

00:06:49.960 It was pointed downwards.

00:06:51.560 It was fluffed.

00:06:52.640 It was fluffed. 0.92

00:06:53.340 Full boner. 0.64

00:06:53.680 He saw it.

00:06:54.320 I showed it to him.

00:06:55.140 I showed it to him at the party.

00:06:56.540 With my eyes.

00:06:57.520 All right?

00:06:57.760 He saw it. 0.99

00:06:58.180 It was not an erect cock. 0.99

00:06:59.920 No, it was not. 1.00

00:07:01.040 You're insane if you think that.

00:07:02.780 It was up and it was bent to the side slightly. 1.00

00:07:05.140 That's how my cock hangs. 1.00

00:07:06.800 Full of blood. 0.99

00:07:08.040 It was not hanging. 1.00

00:07:09.040 Your cock hangs up and to the left. 1.00

00:07:10.520 You lying motherfucker. 1.00

00:07:10.640 Guys, guys, before we get ahead of ourselves, before we get ahead of ourselves, it's the winter 1.00

00:07:14.680 of Cocktober, can we get like a drum roll or something, Clint?

00:07:18.060 Let's show him his prize.

00:07:18.440 Yeah. 0.99

00:07:19.900 In the winter of Cocktober, this dope ass design. 1.00

00:07:24.720 Yes. 1.00

00:07:26.840 Guys, that is his penis, too. 1.00

00:07:30.680 That is it. 1.00

00:07:32.100 I had to look at this today. 1.00

00:07:33.700 Fuck you, Raven. 1.00

00:07:35.080 Become the whore. 1.00

00:07:37.000 Unbelievable. 1.00

00:07:37.280 Unbelievable.

00:07:37.680 That is, that's, that's art.

00:07:39.860 That, I was, I've been talking recently about the degradation of art as a whole.

00:07:43.900 Modern art is really been throwing it.

00:07:45.520 This is the epitome of it.

00:07:46.880 We're back, baby. 1.00

00:07:47.640 This is high level shit. 1.00

00:07:48.900 We are back. 1.00

00:07:50.080 We are back.

00:07:51.140 That is beautiful.

00:07:51.720 It looks, it kind of looks like a finger.

00:07:53.800 It looks like a finger almost.

00:07:55.340 Like, it's just like, what is going on down here?

00:07:59.040 But that is, I do, that's one to one, baby.

00:08:03.220 Clint, Clint.

00:08:03.900 The air that needs to be, oh, go ahead, Top.

00:08:06.000 Exactly.

00:08:06.400 That's what it looks like.

00:08:07.240 When you were, when I was drawing this, this didn't feel like seven inches.

00:08:10.800 I'm just saying, Clint, you're sticking with seven.

00:08:13.840 Yeah. 0.99

00:08:14.460 I mean, I'm, yeah, I can't, I don't want to skip too much details about my dick. 0.99

00:08:19.640 But look, you know, my body, I'll put it like this. 0.99

00:08:25.960 My dick looks exactly like his, but my, I'm also taller. 0.99

00:08:29.900 So that, that'll. 1.00

00:08:30.760 The ratio.

00:08:31.680 Yeah.

00:08:31.980 The ratio is off.

00:08:32.880 Yeah.

00:08:33.380 Yeah.

00:08:33.640 What did we say?

00:08:34.060 Somebody do that mathematics.

00:08:35.220 Like 67 times 0.07. 0.99

00:08:36.340 I love that Top actually had to like do the intricacies of the veins and the different shadows on his dick. 0.99

00:08:44.560 He went all out on this. 0.99

00:08:45.620 I love that.

00:08:46.480 Yeah.

00:08:46.840 And you, and you guys, yeah.

00:08:47.840 We did this.

00:08:48.540 I did this on a couch sitting next to my daughter playing with Barber.

00:08:51.780 Oh my God.

00:08:53.000 I want to know, I want to know that you did not share this with Raven before the show, right?

00:08:58.140 I know, I did not.

00:08:59.320 This is the first time I've seen that.

00:09:00.760 I'm excited.

00:09:01.440 This is amazing.

00:09:02.420 Is this, is this Hannibal or are we, are we good here?

00:09:04.580 No, dude.

00:09:04.980 I don't even.

00:09:05.720 So, yeah.

00:09:06.340 It's fingers.

00:09:07.460 It looks, it looks like a middle finger. 0.99

00:09:09.760 It looks like the, like if you did this and it just looks like the balls, balls and then like fingers. 0.97

00:09:15.240 Can we discuss this? 1.00

00:09:15.840 I'm sorry, but that's not what your dick looks like. 0.99

00:09:17.620 No, it does not. 1.00

00:09:18.440 We've seen it.

00:09:19.220 Look, we've seen it. 0.95

00:09:19.820 You have a boner to pick.

00:09:20.720 He's been going back and forth with me and I don't mean to neglect him. 0.99

00:09:25.340 I do a shit job of responding to people on Twitter and he's been, he's been calling me out. 0.95

00:09:29.600 He wants a sort of a cock duel and I've not been responding to him. 0.99

00:09:33.100 Hold on. 0.99

00:09:33.580 I want to, I want to address this comment because the funniest part is that Top actually had to be like, hey guys, can someone send me Raven's dick again? 0.98

00:09:40.040 And Toad immediately sent it like it was in his. 0.99

00:09:43.600 He's got your dick in a file. 1.00

00:09:45.400 Like he's like, no, no, no, I actually, I had to go. 1.00

00:09:48.900 Yeah, that's what I, I.

00:09:50.280 Don't lie.

00:09:50.920 It was, Top, it was immediate, was it not?

00:09:53.220 It was really quick.

00:09:54.540 Dude, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just that fast.

00:09:57.440 It's his background on his phone.

00:09:58.560 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:09:59.500 Toad's dick was erect. 1.00

00:10:00.700 Raven's dick was either, either postbeat or pre, pre, uh, fluff. 1.00

00:10:05.240 Fluff. 1.00

00:10:05.400 Fluff.

00:10:05.840 Yeah.

00:10:06.200 Mine was on the wall.

00:10:06.900 I have a pretty extensive fluffing.

00:10:09.000 There's a lot of stretching involved and a lot of, you know, squeezing and things like that.

00:10:13.560 I know how to take a good picture. 1.00

00:10:15.060 I'm not going to give you a fucking conspiracy extremist dick. 1.00

00:10:17.640 Of course not. 1.00

00:10:18.180 It's a dick competition. 0.99

00:10:18.340 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

00:10:19.020 It's a dick competition. 0.98

00:10:20.100 Of course you're going to, you're going to do your best job. 0.99

00:10:22.460 That's like not working out and then going to one of those bodybuilding competitions.

00:10:25.880 Of course you wouldn't do that.

00:10:27.760 But I just want to be very clear.

00:10:29.000 I wasn't throwing shade. 0.99

00:10:29.940 I was just saying, I know a dick that's not just purely limp. 1.00

00:10:33.100 I know. 0.99

00:10:33.400 You just speak with an authoritative tone.

00:10:35.620 I do.

00:10:36.080 I do.

00:10:36.360 It gets me going.

00:10:37.600 It gets me going.

00:10:38.780 And I'm on the other side of the screen.

00:10:40.360 Josie, how dare you? 1.00

00:10:42.320 Yeah, fucking whore. 1.00

00:10:43.160 I'll also say, she's been showing her boobs on Twitter. 1.00

00:10:47.660 There's something wrong leading with Josie. 0.94

00:10:49.080 I don't know what's going on.

00:10:50.360 Respect for that.

00:10:51.060 Oh, okay.

00:10:51.700 Yeah, that's true. 0.99

00:10:52.440 Well, listen, guys, I was going to say, I can tell when a dick has been fluffed. 0.99

00:10:57.800 You can tell when a dick was. 0.99

00:10:58.740 So we've had all of them, right? 1.00

00:11:00.500 We had conspiracy extremists who came in completely flaccid, laid to the side, all dry and shit. 0.99

00:11:05.640 And honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, going back, respect. 0.99

00:11:08.200 I do.

00:11:08.520 I respect it.

00:11:10.200 It's the type of thing that only a former meth addict would even consider doing.

00:11:14.660 You know?

00:11:15.540 I wouldn't see someone come in here post-beat, but 10 minutes post-beat when it's retracted

00:11:21.640 all the way in, and it's like nothing anymore.

00:11:23.780 Not the post-beat immediately after where it's still kind of like kind of filled with a lot.

00:11:27.200 The shameful recession that the thing does.

00:11:29.660 The shameful recession.

00:11:31.840 Or even better, like post-basketball meet. 0.98

00:11:37.040 There's nothing more pathetic. 0.98

00:11:38.280 There's nothing. 0.99

00:11:38.700 Oh, dude.

00:11:39.160 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:39.440 If you're post-basketball, your dick shrinks up. 0.99

00:11:42.020 Toad talks about how he played basketball in college, and then he doesn't know about post-basketball 1.00

00:11:47.020 meets.

00:11:47.260 Toad did not play basketball in college.

00:11:48.240 That's what he says.

00:11:48.980 That's what he says.

00:11:49.560 And then he goes, what?

00:11:50.640 Post-basketball meet?

00:11:52.060 Dude, it is the most.

00:11:53.320 No, wait.

00:11:53.720 Time out.

00:11:54.380 It is like.

00:11:54.860 Go ahead, Toad.

00:11:55.420 I got to hear this story. 1.00

00:11:56.440 Tell me about these fucking basketball teams. 1.00

00:11:57.980 Yeah, tell us why. 1.00

00:11:58.580 Go ahead.

00:11:59.200 Lie to us.

00:12:00.200 Dude, I could spend like hours talking about this.

00:12:02.640 What do you want?

00:12:03.100 This is.

00:12:03.860 Dude, no.

00:12:04.340 This is.

00:12:04.680 It was one of the most fun times that I've ever had in college.

00:12:07.800 I was.

00:12:08.400 I coached and played on an intramural basketball team.

00:12:11.320 Yeah, you coached.

00:12:12.980 Intramural?

00:12:13.540 Like boys and girls?

00:12:15.060 No, no, no, no.

00:12:15.800 It was all men. 1.00

00:12:16.880 It was just.

00:12:17.260 The intramural just meant that we weren't like part of the actual like NCAA.

00:12:21.400 It's within like.

00:12:22.480 You think?

00:12:23.460 Yeah.

00:12:23.760 It's just within like your college only.

00:12:27.140 That's true.

00:12:27.980 Right.

00:12:28.120 He's like, I was not actually in the NCAA.

00:12:31.600 Right.

00:12:31.900 On Monday, I got St. John.

00:12:33.700 And then Tuesday, I got to go out to Duke.

00:12:35.740 It's crazy, man.

00:12:37.100 I don't know how I can describe it. 0.99

00:12:38.940 Like just so much crazy shit went down. 0.99

00:12:41.300 It was wild, dude. 0.99

00:12:42.160 So the way it started was that I was a player on the scene.

00:12:45.300 We were.

00:12:45.540 Our team was a bunch of like short dudes, a bunch of shooters, which is what I am.

00:12:50.420 Surprise.

00:12:51.120 Surprise. 0.99

00:12:51.620 No fucking way. 0.99

00:12:52.500 There's no way. 1.00

00:12:54.320 None of us were black, even though we were all shooters.

00:12:58.160 You know what I regret, Cole?

00:12:59.880 When you guys were at the house, I regret not having a catch with Toad because I had

00:13:03.080 a catch with Cole. 0.99

00:13:04.100 That was wholesome as fuck, right? 1.00

00:13:05.460 I was too busy puking in the lawn. 0.99

00:13:07.840 I'm telling you, we need to do some type of sports event.

00:13:11.320 It can be any sports event.

00:13:13.380 Toad.

00:13:13.620 But just.

00:13:16.460 Yeah. 0.99

00:13:17.040 God damn it. 0.98

00:13:17.820 But just to. 1.00

00:13:18.780 I'm going to kill myself in a helicopter. 0.99

00:13:20.980 Where everyone is at athletically. 0.99

00:13:23.180 And then to get.

00:13:23.920 Because like, I feel like.

00:13:25.140 I mean.

00:13:26.300 Clint talks about playing volleyball.

00:13:27.680 Like volleyball is like crazy athletic to play volleyball.

00:13:29.760 Especially beach volleyball.

00:13:31.880 Yeah.

00:13:32.120 But like.

00:13:33.120 Toad saying he's a shooter.

00:13:34.640 That means I want to see him shoot a basketball. 0.98

00:13:37.220 Because I can tell immediately if he's a shooter.

00:13:39.500 I am.

00:13:39.840 He looks like he shoots it like this.

00:13:41.740 Yeah.

00:13:43.240 I'll put a hundred K on the line that I'm a better shooter than you took.

00:13:46.940 A hundred grand.

00:13:48.260 Dude.

00:13:48.400 I wear like the knee high socks and the short shorts.

00:13:51.620 It doesn't matter what you're wearing.

00:13:52.740 And I underhand the basketball that's it. 1.00

00:13:53.980 I am going to fucking. 0.99

00:13:55.080 I'm going to be so wet from behind the line. 1.00

00:13:56.860 You're going to die. 0.85

00:13:58.100 By the way. 1.00

00:13:58.680 By the way.

00:13:59.500 Toad L.

00:14:00.060 Embiid.

00:14:00.620 That's another good one.

00:14:01.560 Toad L.

00:14:02.840 No.

00:14:03.480 I.

00:14:04.840 Yeah.

00:14:05.480 I.

00:14:05.680 So I started coaching because during one of the first games we had.

00:14:09.700 There was just a random necktie on the gym floor.

00:14:12.740 I don't know why that was the case.

00:14:14.100 And I'm like I'm going to put it on and start coaching.

00:14:16.240 So that's what I did.

00:14:17.560 We won that game against.

00:14:19.460 It was a team called the shirts.

00:14:21.100 I don't know why they would want to imply that the other team of all men was supposed to be the skins. 1.00

00:14:25.920 That was stupid. 1.00

00:14:26.940 I thought we were going to lose that game because they're a bunch of jacked football players. 1.00

00:14:30.140 But they couldn't shoot at all.

00:14:31.500 We beat them in overtime.

00:14:32.420 Then I went to Dick's Sporting Goods and I got myself a clipboard.

00:14:36.120 And then I was like official. 1.00

00:14:37.540 Like dude I'm coaching this shit. 0.99

00:14:39.020 I would show up. 1.00

00:14:39.600 I can't believe we're doing this again.

00:14:41.320 I was tough.

00:14:42.060 You did this.

00:14:43.060 This is your fault.

00:14:44.120 No.

00:14:46.420 Jesus Christ guys. 0.99

00:14:48.680 Thank fucking God man. 0.99

00:14:50.740 That might have been the worst three minutes of Tower King I've ever heard. 0.99

00:14:54.420 That was so bad.

00:14:55.360 It gets so much more hilarious.

00:14:58.320 How could it get more hilarious when it hasn't been hilarious at all?

00:15:02.240 I mean.

00:15:02.600 Yeah.

00:15:02.880 That's why.

00:15:03.800 Exactly.

00:15:04.400 It can.

00:15:04.940 Because at rock bottom everything is up.

00:15:08.160 More hilarious implies that there was hilarity that was ensuing.

00:15:11.640 That wasn't occurring.

00:15:12.540 Go ahead.

00:15:13.100 Was there a point to it?

00:15:13.920 I need to know.

00:15:14.660 Don't tell the rest of it.

00:15:15.720 Just was there a point to it?

00:15:17.180 Cliff notes.

00:15:17.860 Cliff notes.

00:15:18.600 We almost.

00:15:19.880 I was in the glee club.

00:15:22.060 The men's glee club at my school.

00:15:23.620 So I had tux.

00:15:24.080 Oh my God.

00:15:24.840 He's doing it again.

00:15:26.160 So I had tux tails from it.

00:15:28.100 So I would wear the tux tails as a suit and show up and coach like that.

00:15:31.920 And I would still put myself in and play in that manner as well in some cases.

00:15:36.060 So you were coach player.

00:15:37.660 Yeah.

00:15:37.940 Player coach.

00:15:39.260 And we.

00:15:40.060 Dude.

00:15:40.520 We actually.

00:15:41.020 We made the final four one of these years.

00:15:43.060 I wound up losing.

00:15:43.900 There was only 14.

00:15:44.960 The only.

00:15:46.660 The only other.

00:15:47.460 How many teams were there?

00:15:48.460 How many teams were there?

00:15:48.780 No, they were 16.

00:15:50.100 The only.

00:15:50.640 Oh, you didn't make the final four.

00:15:52.120 Yeah, we did.

00:15:52.760 We did. 1.00

00:15:52.980 Calling bullshit. 1.00

00:15:54.520 Dude. 1.00

00:15:54.800 Dude.

00:15:55.040 We had this guy, Jimmy. 1.00

00:15:56.160 Like that guy could fucking shoot. 1.00

00:15:57.820 Dude. 1.00

00:15:58.020 We had some good.

00:15:58.880 Jimmy no hands.

00:16:00.400 Jimmy no hands.

00:16:02.160 Jimmy no hands.

00:16:03.440 The craziest thing that happened though was we almost got banned from the league because

00:16:08.200 we had three players that did not go to my school.

00:16:11.240 They went to another school.

00:16:12.580 And the team that we beat, one of the teams that we beat had a.

00:16:16.160 Wow. 1.00

00:16:16.920 Toad, you better shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:16:19.140 Had a beef with this guy. 1.00

00:16:20.600 That's bullshit. 1.00

00:16:21.420 You know, you know, it's a seven out of ten. 1.00

00:16:22.860 You were at 6.5 last I knew.

00:16:23.660 It was a 6.5.

00:16:24.580 That's what she said.

00:16:25.180 I remember reading it.

00:16:26.240 6.7.

00:16:27.480 The.

00:16:27.580 Josie, what was it?

00:16:28.480 Was it a 6.7 or 6.5?

00:16:29.840 It's a 6.5.

00:16:30.800 I remember.

00:16:30.940 He can't afford. 1.00

00:16:31.600 You can't afford to lose a fucking. 1.00

00:16:33.400 Raven's got a fucking memory on him. 1.00

00:16:35.360 He's wrong. 1.00

00:16:36.220 He has only a dick memory. 0.99

00:16:38.380 Toad would have a much better piece on him if you would get rid of that sort of that pudgy 1.00

00:16:41.880 fupa thing that's above your dick. 1.00

00:16:43.580 If you lose weight, you gain inches. 1.00

00:16:46.140 That's a real thing.

00:16:47.180 So I used to be fat. 1.00

00:16:47.860 It'd be dope if you could see your dick again, Toad. 1.00

00:16:50.220 That would be probably at the top of the list of cool shit. 1.00

00:16:51.700 Here's the weird thing, though. 0.99

00:16:53.680 Toad's gut, the problem with it is, like, below his gut, he has, like, a skinny man's

00:16:57.860 waist almost.

00:16:58.660 It's weird.

00:16:59.200 You probably wear, like, a size 30 pants.

00:17:00.940 He has narrow hips.

00:17:01.440 He has narrow hips.

00:17:02.000 If he was ever to give birth, he would have to be, like, a. 0.98

00:17:04.680 It would have to be, like, a C-section.

00:17:06.880 He has the body of one of those people from WALL-E that looks like they've never stood up before.

00:17:10.820 No, no, because they have super wide hips. 1.00

00:17:14.260 He has, like, oompa-loompa body.

00:17:18.760 You guys ever seen a body of Crip Daddy?

00:17:20.760 Like, you know how his lower half is withering away?

00:17:22.960 Yeah, dude, I have a Crip Dad bod.

00:17:26.200 You ever seen Seven and Seven Crazy Nights?

00:17:28.020 Crip Dad bod's actually pretty good. 0.99

00:17:29.680 The Adam Sandler shit? 0.99

00:17:31.660 Crazy Nights, but yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:17:33.140 Eight Crazy Nights, yeah, yeah.

00:17:34.140 He has a body like the old man that was the referee.

00:17:37.120 That's what Toad's body is like.

00:17:38.500 Oh, Whitey. 1.00

00:17:39.840 Whitey do ball. 1.00

00:17:40.300 Whitey, yeah. 1.00

00:17:41.200 Like, in real life, like, that's exactly what it's like.

00:17:42.860 You ever seen a guy that, like, there was a guy I used to work with that, um.

00:17:51.020 That's just so, it's so direct.

00:17:53.440 Poor Toad. 1.00

00:17:54.940 But seriously, like, Toad, you sent a picture of your erect dick and you still lost. 1.00

00:18:00.120 How does that feel? 1.00

00:18:00.800 It was not erect.

00:18:01.700 Yes, it was.

00:18:02.780 It was erect.

00:18:03.380 A ran, ran?

00:18:04.240 Yeah, we can say it was ran.

00:18:05.600 If you want to put all, if you want to put this all to bed, you send what you believe 0.99

00:18:11.140 is your erect dick and then we can contrast and compare and if they look exactly the same, 1.00

00:18:16.480 then you're a fucking liar. 1.00

00:18:17.680 You just want my erect cop, man. 1.00

00:18:19.740 You just want the erect.

00:18:20.960 I'm willing to give conspiracy extremists also a chance because he didn't know. 1.00

00:18:24.720 He's a little retarded. 1.00

00:18:26.360 I'm telling you, completely flaccid and dry, too. 1.00

00:18:28.960 Like, you were allowed to use moisturizer on the tip of your dick or whatever was going 1.00

00:18:32.800 on there. 1.00

00:18:32.900 You're going to doll that bad boy up.

00:18:33.960 I think you guys should run up for second place.

00:18:36.140 I think that's fair.

00:18:37.440 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:38.100 I want to see your erect dick, Toad, you fucking pathological liar. 1.00

00:18:40.920 You faggot. 1.00

00:18:41.420 Show us your dick, you faggot. 1.00

00:18:43.180 I got to admit, I do appreciate the chaotic energy that Toad comes with. 1.00

00:18:47.080 The willingness to show his erect penis. 1.00

00:18:49.660 I did it first. 1.00

00:18:50.760 There we go.

00:18:51.300 Bless his heart.

00:18:52.480 You did?

00:18:53.560 Oh, not, I mean, just to the gang.

00:18:55.480 I saw Cole's was on the, Cole's was like, yeah, Cole's was a different angle for sure.

00:19:03.420 Yeah.

00:19:03.560 It was from the bottom. 0.94

00:19:04.600 It was from the butthole fingering.

00:19:06.120 Yeah.

00:19:06.840 It's a very weird, it's a very different.

00:19:09.220 Dude, you think it's intimidating? 1.00

00:19:10.940 Motherfucker, I woke up to that. 1.00

00:19:12.420 Do you know how intense that is? 1.00

00:19:13.680 You know what?

00:19:14.420 If Cole would have entered that, took a screenshot, entered, he wins because just the theatrical

00:19:18.780 nature of it, the nice size and like the angle, it was something, you would have

00:19:22.840 gave us something.

00:19:23.400 Because the thing is, it looks huge because it's like, it's very close, it's very close

00:19:29.220 and so it's just like, it's just like the, like a macroscopic view and it's just going

00:19:34.140 up and it looks like a tower.

00:19:37.120 It looks like, if you're at the bottom of the Empire State Building, it looks like a million

00:19:42.100 stories high.

00:19:42.920 Whereas like, if you're a mile away, you could be like, oh.

00:19:46.000 Round two in second place.

00:19:47.340 Have any of you ever been to Chichen Itza?

00:19:49.940 No.

00:19:50.380 We don't go to South America.

00:19:51.740 I've not been to it.

00:19:52.560 What's that, dude?

00:19:53.180 Well, Chichen Itza is in Mexico, right?

00:19:55.280 Yeah, it's where the Aztecs killed people.

00:19:58.360 They did human sacrifice.

00:19:59.300 Anyways.

00:19:59.660 The Mayans, I think.

00:20:01.440 If you see photos of the temples there, the pyramids, they look enormous.

00:20:06.440 But if you're actually there in person, they're pretty small. 0.99

00:20:09.780 And I feel like Chichen Itza is a good analogy for Cole's dick. 0.97

00:20:13.220 Also, millions of kids have died there. 0.98

00:20:16.540 I want to ask Clint something.

00:20:21.760 Clint, this is something that's been on my mind lately.

00:20:24.100 Do you have mental illness in your family or have you experienced head trauma?

00:20:29.200 This isn't going where you think it's going, but do you have any of those things?

00:20:32.320 Schizophrenia in your family?

00:20:33.560 This is starting off rocky water, feeling very insulted already.

00:20:37.240 Yeah. 0.91

00:20:37.660 I have an anxiety disorder, so that sucks. 1.00

00:20:43.440 Your brother's insane. 1.00

00:20:44.200 Okay. 0.99

00:20:44.680 You don't have to say anything else. 0.96

00:20:45.740 Yeah, my brother's insane, too. 0.76

00:20:46.880 Okay. 0.83

00:20:47.340 What kind?

00:20:47.780 Schizophrenic?

00:20:48.940 Probably.

00:20:50.220 Okay.

00:20:50.740 Top, do you know where I'm going with this?

00:20:51.940 I think Clint has adrenal fatigue.

00:20:53.760 I think he has demons.

00:20:55.200 Oh.

00:20:57.860 Adrenal fatigue.

00:20:58.660 I think it's the same thing that I suffer from.

00:21:00.340 I will sleep like nine and a half hours a night, and I still need a nap during the day.

00:21:04.840 I'll typically take a nap before the podcast.

00:21:06.520 He sleeps as much as you.

00:21:09.020 You guys are like brothers.

00:21:11.020 I took a nap today, too.

00:21:12.320 It was great, by the way.

00:21:13.300 It was amazing.

00:21:13.820 I took a nap. 1.00

00:21:14.360 Naps are fucking dope. 1.00

00:21:15.380 I don't take them anymore. 1.00

00:21:16.920 All right.

00:21:17.140 So check this out.

00:21:17.880 What I realized is that I get anxiety when I was doing these really big shows, and I 0.92

00:21:22.840 keep doing bigger and bigger shows, so my adrenaline gets more and more fucking amped, 0.89

00:21:26.420 right? 0.98

00:21:26.840 So then I would crash.

00:21:28.340 But what's dope is because since I started the show with Luke, and I'm talking to 100,000 0.93

00:21:31.740 people multiple times a week, I get zero motherfucking anxiety, and I've been sleeping 0.94

00:21:36.240 like a baby. 0.97

00:21:36.840 I only sleep eight to nine hours a night, and I don't take a nap during the day.

00:21:39.640 So I feel like ... I think you're right, but I feel like I'm on the other side of it.

00:21:43.760 Wow.

00:21:44.180 That's interesting.

00:21:44.880 So you got over the hump.

00:21:46.120 Yeah.

00:21:46.300 Because I don't get nervous anymore, whereas the nerves, I think, were what were making

00:21:50.900 me sleep so much. 0.98

00:21:51.960 The next time you're at my house, Raven, I'm just going to pull a gun on you and spike 0.99

00:21:56.920 your adrenaline and see if we can reset you. 0.97

00:21:59.900 When things happen to me that are really intense, all my levels drop.

00:22:03.200 I become like creepy calm. 0.81

00:22:04.680 So if we're in a really bad situation where shit is really popping off, I've been in

00:22:07.940 like really wild places before, it all gets like creepy calm. 0.90

00:22:11.720 And everybody gets upset with me because I'm the calmest person in the room, but I don't

00:22:15.920 know.

00:22:16.920 It's like a reverse reaction.

00:22:17.920 And then I take a nap afterwards.

00:22:18.920 You know what's interesting?

00:22:20.920 I feel like there's a real kinship here between Raven and I.

00:22:23.300 You already did.

00:22:24.300 We both have adrenal fatigue. 0.99

00:22:25.240 We have adrenal fatigue and we have the same cock. 0.97

00:22:28.680 We're also, I mean, he's obviously schizophrenic in terms of the conspiracy theory stuff, but 0.98

00:22:33.100 I'm like, I'm not too far off.

00:22:34.780 So, you know, and we both love top.

00:22:36.340 Like this is a real, we're off to a good start. 0.99

00:22:38.200 What people don't know about us is that we actually share a cock. 0.86

00:22:40.420 So I have like one week on, you have one week off, and we pass it back forth. 0.84

00:22:44.260 I get every other week and I appreciate that. 0.99

00:22:46.500 I'm like a stepdad to my dick. 0.99

00:22:48.560 Exactly. 1.00

00:22:49.100 Yeah.

00:22:50.340 It's always returned, fully fed, great condition.

00:22:54.720 David, David, David.

00:22:56.140 I've got a little outfit on. 0.98

00:22:57.780 We did this on, we did this on our show with Cole, but I feel like it's just such a fucking 0.97

00:23:02.680 good story.

00:23:03.320 Could you just tell this story? 0.99

00:23:04.560 Fucking A. 1.00

00:23:05.140 I feel like we're going to have something to say about this. 0.99

00:23:08.420 Also, I just want to, hold on, before.

00:23:13.200 Is he muted?

00:23:13.840 Oh, yeah, you muted yourself.

00:23:16.860 I don't know what happened.

00:23:17.980 I can't hear you, bro. 1.00

00:23:19.100 It was me because he fucking spoke over me and I was like, bitch, is the fuck up? 1.00

00:23:23.220 His mic just dropped, man. 1.00

00:23:23.800 Your mic just tripped out.

00:23:25.120 What the hell just happened?

00:23:25.780 Your mic went dead.

00:23:26.040 So go ahead, Raven.

00:23:27.260 It's all right.

00:23:28.160 So while he figures that out.

00:23:30.260 So basically, I have this neighbor where they kind of seem like meth heads, the adults,

00:23:37.480 and they don't seem to like me and my wife.

00:23:40.120 So whenever they need something, they send their- 1.00

00:23:41.480 Does he have a really dry, limp dick? 1.00

00:23:43.900 I haven't looked at his dick, but his wife is like morbidly obese and lumpy and they 1.00

00:23:48.660 don't make eye contact. 1.00

00:23:49.840 And I wave to everybody. 0.99

00:23:51.020 Like I say hi to all my neighbors and they fucking- 0.99

00:23:52.480 Does he have a bunch of dogs that you think are up for grabs? 0.99

00:23:55.100 I think he beats them. 0.95

00:23:56.140 Everybody else is white and then like he is, no offense to that, but he's like Hispanic 1.00

00:23:59.560 and he's fucking like kind of, he's kind of like running that shit. 1.00

00:24:02.740 Yeah. 1.00

00:24:03.020 So, but basically they send their daughter over and she's, she's a young girl.

00:24:07.440 She's like 13 years old.

00:24:09.620 So, so for example, one time she came over and she asked me for a sawzall and, um, and

00:24:15.400 she kind of said it with like authority.

00:24:16.760 So I, I gave her the sawzall.

00:24:18.620 I didn't know what she needed it for, but I handed it to her and turns out she chopped

00:24:22.040 down like an entire overgrown cactus. 0.98

00:24:23.780 And when she came back, she flipped the sawzall, handed it to me ass first. 1.00

00:24:27.680 I think she's in like the young Marines program. 1.00

00:24:29.400 So the girl's got her shit together. 1.00

00:24:30.860 She seems to be responsible enough. 0.99

00:24:33.280 She came over another time.

00:24:34.880 She asked me to borrow a cell phone.

00:24:36.580 We let her borrow a cell phone.

00:24:37.740 She made a call.

00:24:38.360 Oh, good. 1.00

00:24:38.720 This is kind of run of the mill shit. 1.00

00:24:40.540 It's not sugar. 1.00

00:24:41.340 It's a sawzall, but whatever.

00:24:43.560 Eventually she comes over.

00:24:45.680 But whatever.

00:24:46.520 It's fine, dude.

00:24:47.300 I, I, I, I don't know what I'm, you know, whatever she needs.

00:24:49.620 I got you.

00:24:50.560 And one time she knocks on the door.

00:24:53.400 Well, okay. 0.99

00:24:54.000 Don't fucking list. 0.98

00:24:54.700 It's getting scary already. 0.99

00:24:55.480 So, so one time what ends up happening to me is, um, I'm home alone.

00:24:59.700 It's just me and my son and I get a knock on the door and I have like a weird thing. 0.96

00:25:03.360 When you knock on my door, I get fucking panicky. 0.95

00:25:04.960 I just do. 0.99

00:25:05.420 It just happens.

00:25:06.280 So, uh, and my mother used to hide me in the closet when people knocked on the door.

00:25:09.700 That's a whole other story. 0.99

00:25:10.880 And no shit. 0.99

00:25:11.440 Like a hundred percent. 1.00

00:25:12.320 She used to hide me in the closet.

00:25:14.060 No wonder you need to nap throughout the day, man.

00:25:16.460 Like every time someone knocks, you're like.

00:25:18.820 Did your mother ever hide you in the closet?

00:25:20.480 No.

00:25:20.780 Okay.

00:25:21.160 Cause I'm like, maybe if we could draw some similarities between these two.

00:25:24.280 They're uncanny.

00:25:24.800 They're piling up. 1.00

00:25:25.820 We have the same dick, but we don't have the same abusive mother. 1.00

00:25:28.180 Thank God. 1.00

00:25:28.620 Well, I know. 0.98

00:25:29.040 I don't, I don't have, I don't have a retarded son. 1.00

00:25:31.300 What are you talking about? 0.98

00:25:32.620 Well, all right.

00:25:33.300 So she knocks on my door.

00:25:35.160 Is this your mother?

00:25:36.740 No, no, no.

00:25:37.320 This is my, there she is.

00:25:39.560 Hi mom.

00:25:40.380 Uh, so, so this neighbor, she knocks on my door. 0.99

00:25:43.980 I go over, I answer it.

00:25:45.560 I say, Hey, what do you need?

00:25:46.440 She goes, can I use your wifi?

00:25:48.560 And so I, I'm immediately kind of jarred because when you ask for a sawzall, I can hand you a 0.97

00:25:53.900 sawzall when you ask for my wifi, I fucking, my, my, my brain just doesn't compute right 0.96

00:25:58.420 away. 0.97

00:25:58.860 So I, I do something where I, I like, I go, sure.

00:26:03.600 Come in.

00:26:05.560 Now I've invited a 13 year old girl into my house and I realized this immediately.

00:26:10.700 So after inviting her in, I abruptly, you really are like Clint.

00:26:22.360 So I step in front of her.

00:26:27.920 I don't allow her anymore into my house. 0.85

00:26:30.000 Now there's an aggressive, you know, kind of body language going on. 0.99

00:26:32.640 And, uh, and I start jumbling shit. 0.97

00:26:34.760 I go, uh, you, um, you need, you want me to, you're going to use it or you need my phone. 0.99

00:26:39.500 And she goes, she, now this is where shit gets fucked up because this is funny when it's 0.97

00:26:44.600 like your friends or your family come over and they go like, Hey, what's your wifi password? 0.99

00:26:48.220 It's not fucking funny when the 13 year old neighbor girl comes over and says, what's 0.73

00:26:51.940 your wifi? 0.97

00:26:52.980 So you just invited an accidentally.

00:26:55.340 Yeah. 0.95

00:26:56.180 And now I'm fucking standing in front of her. 0.99

00:26:58.120 Like I'm like, I'm a square for some reason. 0.99

00:26:59.960 Like my elbows are up and I'm fucking in her way. 0.98

00:27:02.120 I need to make fun of top for a drinking soda with a straw out of a can. 1.00

00:27:06.880 Every fucking day. 1.00

00:27:07.780 A long time. 1.00

00:27:08.440 He's a fucking murderer. 1.00

00:27:09.840 Pussy. 1.00

00:27:10.740 No, so, so wait, this is like, this is like that. 1.00

00:27:13.480 That's the most little boy shit I've ever seen. 0.99

00:27:15.940 This is like, uh, this is like that hard candy movie or something. 1.00

00:27:19.380 Wait, I do this every week in front of you, Cole.

00:27:21.740 You don't see this?

00:27:22.460 Interest noticed?

00:27:23.500 No.

00:27:23.900 Yeah, just noticed.

00:27:24.720 He's not a good enough noticer.

00:27:26.240 But you know, hard candy with Ellen Page, where she like, she goes after that. 1.00

00:27:30.960 Whoa, don't fucking dead name that little lesbian. 1.00

00:27:32.840 Sorry. 1.00

00:27:33.640 This is when she was actually a chick. 1.00

00:27:36.000 She goes after that like pedo or whatever. 0.99

00:27:38.180 So this is what the girl was doing to you, I think.

00:27:40.280 She's showing up.

00:27:41.320 She's like, I'm going to take this guy.

00:27:42.420 I'm going to ask him for his own saw. 1.00

00:27:44.560 And then I'm going to, I'm going to kill him with his own saw. 1.00

00:27:47.080 She's smart. 1.00

00:27:47.680 So she might be plotting some shit against me, but that door has been closed now. 0.99

00:27:50.560 And we'll get to that. 1.00

00:27:51.140 But essentially, you know, I'm standing in front of her, and I ask her a bunch of shit 0.99

00:27:56.320 that doesn't make sense. 0.99

00:27:57.220 She ignores that. 0.99

00:27:58.000 I'm retarded. 0.76

00:27:58.200 And she goes, she goes, which one's your Wi-Fi? 0.66

00:28:02.280 And I have to look at this 13-year-old girl who's standing in my living room now, and I

00:28:06.900 have to go.

00:28:07.900 I love 13-year-old girls.

00:28:08.960 It's, uh, password, age ain't nothing but a number.

00:28:17.340 It's worse, actually.

00:28:18.720 I've heard the story.

00:28:19.380 It's worse than this.

00:28:21.720 So she goes, what's your Wi-Fi?

00:28:23.820 And I go, it's butthole power.

00:28:29.580 Title of the show, baby.

00:28:31.520 And she goes, and she doesn't even skip a beat.

00:28:34.180 She goes, I've been wondering who that is. 0.93

00:28:35.780 I am the butthole power. 0.71

00:28:39.660 And then it gets worse with the password. 1.00

00:28:42.060 So this has been brought to my attention by Cole, who said, why the fuck didn't you just 0.99

00:28:46.420 type the password? 0.98

00:28:47.180 And that would have been reasonable.

00:28:48.600 But I didn't want to take her phone, because I don't want to, I don't know. 0.96

00:28:51.920 I don't want to fucking touch your belongings. 0.88

00:28:53.140 You don't want her to know your password. 0.99

00:28:55.120 No, David, I had to fucking. 0.99

00:28:57.280 Raven decided. 1.00

00:28:58.200 Fuck kids get money. 1.00

00:28:59.700 Fuck kids get money, especially with this. 1.00

00:29:01.680 Raven decided with this interaction on today, he's like, I'm going to do everything wrong. 1.00

00:29:07.640 Like, not one thing right. 0.99

00:29:09.300 We're going completely fucking retarded. 1.00

00:29:11.620 It's like, by the way, it's like, it's a rule in my house that you have to be in here 0.99

00:29:15.360 naked, completely naked.

00:29:17.340 It's a rule.

00:29:18.460 I'm sorry.

00:29:19.580 It's a custom.

00:29:20.660 It's what my people do.

00:29:22.040 I answered the door naked. 0.99

00:29:23.400 I didn't fucking. 1.00

00:29:24.080 And I'm flexing in front of her. 1.00

00:29:25.300 She's like, hey, mister, nice dick. 1.00

00:29:26.760 You could win an obscure contest. 1.00

00:29:29.660 I'm like, do you know it's like, roughly 5% of my overall height is my penis length. 0.99

00:29:33.760 So I go, she goes, what's your password? 0.93

00:29:36.860 And instead of typing it in, I look at this 13-year-old girl in the eyes and I go, my password 0.98

00:29:42.220 is wash your butthole69. 1.00

00:29:50.280 Butthole power, wash your butthole69. 1.00

00:29:53.340 Josie would be this close to hacking you. 1.00

00:29:57.100 I changed it. 0.99

00:29:58.100 I fucking changed it. 1.00

00:29:58.980 My wife was upset that I missed every fucking step. 1.00

00:30:02.260 By the way, I tell her that. 1.00

00:30:03.940 She types it in and then she kicks rocks. 1.00

00:30:06.120 And then I know for sure that she had her fucking meth head parents, you know, watching Netflix 1.00

00:30:09.740 on my fucking internet and all this other shit. 1.00

00:30:11.920 And I changed it right after that. 0.99

00:30:13.420 But like, I don't, you know, I'm so worried about fucking up.

00:30:17.900 I just want to be like the friendly neighborhood dude who smiles and waves. 0.98

00:30:21.940 And I got a kid and I got a fucking polo with a few buttons on it and everything's nice. 0.98

00:30:25.300 And long gone are the days where your neighbor just needs sugar. 1.00

00:30:30.020 Now they need fucking weird shit. 1.00

00:30:31.940 They need your sawzall. 1.00

00:30:32.920 They need your fucking, you know, your Wi-Fi password and all this other shit. 1.00

00:30:36.100 And so, yeah, I almost caught a case just telling a kid, you know, just helping them with their 1.00

00:30:39.680 fucking science homework or whatever it was that little bitch was doing on my Wi-Fi. 1.00

00:30:42.680 Yeah, I can picture, yeah, Chris Hansen shows up. 1.00

00:30:45.680 Why don't you take a seat here?

00:30:48.000 Mr. Butthole power. 1.00

00:30:49.540 It says here that you said to this 13-year-old girl, wash your butthole, 69, 69. 1.00

00:30:54.920 Wash your butthole. 1.00

00:30:55.720 And then you offered her 69. 1.00

00:30:57.940 69. 0.95

00:30:58.420 The sexual position, 69? 0.52

00:31:00.320 No.

00:31:01.020 No, I did not.

00:31:02.100 All right.

00:31:02.380 No, what's great is because as Big J always points this out is that whenever they, like,

00:31:07.800 whenever that happens with Scott Hansen, he always, like, he, like, riffs, or whatever

00:31:11.820 camera was, he riffs off of what they're doing.

00:31:14.420 He'll be, like, because there was the guy that brought the pizza and he was, like, oh,

00:31:18.780 you like pizza, huh?

00:31:19.740 And he's, like, do you, like, also banging little girls?

00:31:21.700 So it'd be, like, he comes in and he was, like, he was, like, do you want me to wash my 0.99

00:31:26.200 butthole, huh, Mr. Raven? 0.96

00:31:27.980 Would you like to, would you like to perform 69 on Minnie? 0.88

00:31:32.880 Sit down, Mr. Raven. 0.99

00:31:33.960 Would you like me to wash my butthole? 0.99

00:31:35.940 I'll tell you what, too. 0.99

00:31:37.380 The way my brain works, I'm really worried about forgetting my Wi-Fi password, so I won't 0.98

00:31:41.220 tell you exactly what it is, but it's now a variation of, like, clean your butthole. 0.96

00:31:44.960 It's the same thing. 0.99

00:31:45.600 It's pretty fucking close, yeah. 0.89

00:31:47.000 So hopefully she never comes in asking again. 0.99

00:31:47.880 It's clean your butthole, 69, 69. 0.99

00:31:49.680 It's just 420 now. 0.99

00:31:53.360 I nailed it.

00:31:54.580 I nailed his password. 1.00

00:31:55.920 Clean your butthole, 420. 1.00

00:31:58.720 Ah, no. 1.00

00:32:00.860 He's, like, fuck, I have to change it again. 1.00

00:32:03.660 Holy shit, that was, like, a moment. 1.00

00:32:06.500 We are connected on some fucking level, because that was very impressive. 0.99

00:32:09.660 You changed 69 to 420. 0.99

00:32:11.200 This is what any 16-year-old dude would do.

00:32:13.380 It's so easy. 1.00

00:32:15.040 Dude, it's such a fucking banger. 1.00

00:32:16.880 When my relatives come over, like, my grandma is, like, oh, mijo, what's your fucking? 1.00

00:32:20.620 And I'm, like, it's fucking wash your butthole, 69, grandma. 1.00

00:32:23.420 Like, that's very funny, dude. 1.00

00:32:26.320 But not at all when it's a little girl that I don't know.

00:32:29.060 All right, let's get in the mailbag. 0.98

00:32:30.220 We've riffed a lot, and that was fucking great. 0.92

00:32:33.260 The mailbag is almost empty today. 0.99

00:32:36.060 Our sack.

00:32:36.820 We have mailmonkey35.

00:32:39.880 You can't say it like that.

00:32:42.580 Our sack. 0.98

00:32:45.120 Usually we have great big balls full of jizz, but this time we're being drained. 0.97

00:32:52.880 We're almost empty here. 0.94

00:32:54.460 Mailmonkey35 says, Cole, where have you been on Instagram lately?

00:32:58.580 Oh, yeah. 0.78

00:32:59.140 So I meant to, like, I get fucking lazy, and especially when things pile up. 0.89

00:33:03.160 You don't say.

00:33:03.940 So people have been, and I want to thank y'all. 0.99

00:33:07.580 Y'all have been sending me a ton of shit. 0.72

00:33:09.480 It's just I get the notifications, and then I go, like, I don't want to check it right now 0.99

00:33:13.500 because that means I have to check every one of them, and I have to watch, because I will

00:33:16.920 watch all the videos that you'll send me.

00:33:18.800 I will.

00:33:19.280 100% I will.

00:33:20.840 I just get really lazy, and I put it off for a couple days, and now the mountain is so high

00:33:25.240 that I literally, people will send me something.

00:33:28.040 I'll pay you back a dollar tomorrow.

00:33:30.260 I swear I will.

00:33:31.560 I'm good.

00:33:31.860 I'll do it today.

00:33:32.360 I see the notification on my phone, and I get rid of it because it's just, like, it's

00:33:36.080 stacking up too much, and it gives me anxiety.

00:33:38.640 So I promise.

00:33:40.440 That's how I feel about the group chat from you. 1.00

00:33:43.660 You just send us all these fucking videos. 0.98

00:33:45.180 I know, and, like, I get on mine, and I'm going, and I feel, and honestly, I was going 0.99

00:33:50.960 to address this because I felt really bad because I was like, people keep sending me

00:33:54.160 stuff, and knowing, because I said I would watch them, and I haven't, but I also have

00:33:59.100 had, I've had some personal stuff.

00:34:00.740 I literally have had some personal stuff in my life that I've had to deal with the past

00:34:03.300 couple weeks, so that has also.

00:34:05.200 No excuses.

00:34:05.880 No excuses.

00:34:06.520 Not really.

00:34:07.480 He hasn't.

00:34:08.220 He hasn't had anything big to do with that.

00:34:09.800 Patrick Shouts said that you're going to a banana pudding competition.

00:34:12.480 Someone just said it.

00:34:13.560 Yeah, yeah, Cole's been doing some power gang episodes.

00:34:17.620 It's like, I don't know.

00:34:18.240 I've just been globetrotting to every different food festival in the whole world.

00:34:22.120 That's what I've been doing, so.

00:34:23.600 We've also been talking about, because I know you guys noticed last week, and towards the 0.95

00:34:27.780 last, like, 30 minutes was a real fucking stinker after Clint left. 0.87

00:34:31.420 We will no longer do a show if Clint cannot be at full capacity or Cole cannot be there at 0.93

00:34:37.780 the same time, because that's, like, the talent. 0.99

00:34:39.680 If you don't have these two, I mean, Toad, what the fuck, dude? 0.99

00:34:44.000 You left. 0.99

00:34:45.240 What?

00:34:45.740 I told a banger story at the end, and you and Jose left me hanging.

00:34:51.280 Hanging.

00:34:52.420 And in front of Lord Miles, and I was like, I can't believe.

00:34:55.260 I feel like I told a Toad story, but I thought it was a good story.

00:34:58.440 Tell it, please.

00:34:59.520 I want to hear it.

00:34:59.840 The flow was just disrupted in general, man.

00:35:02.160 I feel bad for the audience that they'd hear it again, but I feel good for the audience

00:35:04.680 that me and Clint are actually going to be making a better story.

00:35:06.840 Yeah.

00:35:07.080 Yeah.

00:35:08.060 Yeah, I know.

00:35:08.640 Should we tell it again?

00:35:09.840 I don't even know.

00:35:10.880 But I do also, like, it was funny because Elizabeth gets very upset whenever I come, like, to bed,

00:35:16.880 like, at my time, like, 10 o'clock, 10.15.

00:35:20.260 Now I understand why she cries after sex because she gets sad when you come. 0.78

00:35:24.460 She was like, why are you taking so long and everything?

00:35:29.020 And then when I told her that last week I was like, I wasn't on.

00:35:31.500 They only went an hour and 15. 1.00

00:35:32.840 She was like, it's fucking you. 1.00

00:35:34.600 She was like, you just keep fucking talking and, like, make the streams last so much longer. 1.00

00:35:39.360 No, you're funny, but you also take a long time to tell stories. 0.99

00:35:41.660 It was, uh, last week's, yeah, we did, like, an hour and 25.

00:35:44.800 Clint already made the joke.

00:35:45.780 Sorry.

00:35:46.080 We started early.

00:35:47.480 Yeah, true.

00:35:48.480 Whatever you come. 1.00

00:35:49.480 You dumb bitch. 1.00

00:35:52.560 Delayed joke. 1.00

00:35:53.260 You have to type it out.

00:35:54.020 I just get to think and say it.

00:35:55.400 Wait, she gets mad at you when you come in at 10?

00:35:58.920 At 10.

00:35:59.940 It's already 10.

00:36:00.560 It's 10 right now.

00:36:01.460 That's halfway through the show.

00:36:02.520 No, no, 10 my time.

00:36:03.540 My wife is asleep on the couch. 1.00

00:36:04.860 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:36:05.920 10 my time, not 10 your time. 0.99

00:36:08.620 Yeah, no, so it'll be 11 your time or 11.15.

00:36:10.720 Yeah, but that's not even that late. 1.00

00:36:12.520 And she's, like, giving you shit? 1.00

00:36:14.340 That's two hours past her bedtime, man. 1.00

00:36:16.420 You should punch her, dude. 1.00

00:36:17.880 Yo, you niggas with the bedtime, like, Raven's like, I'm going to sleep at 8 o'clock. 1.00

00:36:22.080 And you're like, you're going to sleep at 8 o'clock every other day? 0.97

00:36:25.440 Are you out of your mind?

00:36:26.260 Elizabeth goes to sleep at, like, 7.30 sometimes. 1.00

00:36:28.440 That's so fucking crazy to me. 0.82

00:36:30.860 I don't sleep until midnight. 0.98

00:36:32.940 I remember there was one time she got home from work at 5.30.

00:36:36.480 She went to bed at 6.

00:36:38.220 I'm not lying.

00:36:38.660 She was in bed.

00:36:39.420 She slept, like, out.

00:36:41.540 I was just like, cool.

00:36:43.380 And the baby?

00:36:44.080 Nobody even cares about the baby?

00:36:45.540 Oh, that was before the baby.

00:36:47.080 But now the baby is, like, 7.

00:36:48.940 He goes to bed at 7 every night, wakes up at 6 every morning.

00:36:52.940 Wow.

00:36:53.200 That's so crazy. 1.00

00:36:53.780 He sleeps fucking. 1.00

00:36:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:55.280 He sleeps more than you do, Clint.

00:36:56.660 It's crazy.

00:36:57.300 The dude sleeps. 1.00

00:36:57.940 I mean, he is a fucking champ. 1.00

00:37:00.000 He's a fucking champ. 1.00

00:37:00.460 Top son is up until fucking midnight with his pants off and his dick out. 1.00

00:37:03.960 Just running around the house. 1.00

00:37:05.520 Fucking insane. 0.99

00:37:05.800 Yeah, you saw it, right? 1.00

00:37:07.100 It's wild.

00:37:07.900 Yeah, dude, totally saw it.

00:37:09.000 Yeah.

00:37:09.380 And this is the story.

00:37:10.860 Yeah.

00:37:11.120 We saw it happen.

00:37:12.060 You shouldn't be admitting that, Raven, after your Wi-Fi story.

00:37:14.540 That's just the truth.

00:37:15.060 Yeah, thank you.

00:37:15.820 Thank you.

00:37:16.320 I need Clint, like, in my head. 0.99

00:37:18.980 It's a fucking curse. 1.00

00:37:20.200 As someone who's got away with being a total predator for many years, trust me, you don't 0.99

00:37:24.580 want to be telling these stories publicly.

00:37:26.260 At least separately on different episodes or something would be good, but not all in the

00:37:30.060 same.

00:37:30.260 Nobody will piece it together.

00:37:31.560 Nobody's smart enough.

00:37:32.340 So I'll tell the story again.

00:37:34.460 Toad, you could leave.

00:37:35.300 You don't have to be here for this.

00:37:37.020 Toad, please leave, actually.

00:37:38.660 Yeah, please leave.

00:37:40.420 Leave. 0.99

00:37:41.260 You know what?

00:37:41.940 I think you should leave yourself.

00:37:42.940 I don't want to click you off.

00:37:44.040 You leave.

00:37:44.420 We will stay silent until you leave.

00:37:48.900 He's hovering over the button.

00:37:51.840 His hand's trembling. 0.99

00:37:53.200 I just fucking tell the story, buddy. 0.98

00:37:55.920 I kind of want to see how long before he actually would crack under the pressure and leave. 0.99

00:38:00.320 Because that would be really funny.

00:38:02.600 I feel like he's having a stroke.

00:38:03.780 Is he having a stroke?

00:38:04.500 I'm getting nervous.

00:38:05.960 Is he okay?

00:38:07.280 Can he hear us?

00:38:08.320 God, he's out.

00:38:10.980 Are you okay?

00:38:12.060 He goes stone-faced.

00:38:13.040 That's actually pretty crazy.

00:38:13.940 If he can keep doing that.

00:38:14.660 I think his thing froze.

00:38:15.720 It just froze.

00:38:16.380 That's all.

00:38:16.640 That's actually really funny.

00:38:18.320 All right.

00:38:18.820 Then I have to remove him.

00:38:19.920 I can't allow someone to do that.

00:38:21.340 Fair enough.

00:38:22.120 Yeah, he's completely frozen.

00:38:22.780 Oh, he actually is frozen.

00:38:25.020 I thought I was joking.

00:38:27.960 Did we will him to be frozen?

00:38:31.980 I think we broke the android that is Toad.

00:38:37.060 We broke him, actually.

00:38:38.260 He is broken.

00:38:39.620 Just leave him up like that. 0.99

00:38:41.660 Yeah, that's perfect.

00:38:42.100 Yeah.

00:38:42.840 Actually, that's better.

00:38:43.580 That's the same contribution he gave you last week.

00:38:45.880 So, this is perfect.

00:38:47.400 Oh, no.

00:38:47.760 He's there.

00:38:48.220 Wait, he's there.

00:38:48.820 He's laughing.

00:38:50.080 Ah, he got him.

00:38:51.820 He got him.

00:38:52.620 That was a good one.

00:38:53.580 That was really good, dude.

00:38:54.980 He started smiling all creepy.

00:38:56.140 Hey, Toad, tell us about your bet for rivalry weekend in college football.

00:39:00.760 This is the weirdest bit ever.

00:39:02.640 I love it.

00:39:02.920 I know.

00:39:04.860 Silence.

00:39:05.420 Oh, wait.

00:39:05.700 Hold on one second. 1.00

00:39:06.780 Fuck it. 1.00

00:39:07.420 All right. 1.00

00:39:07.760 Listen, man.

00:39:08.220 We got a new guest on.

00:39:09.140 We always play this game.

00:39:12.640 How would you do it?

00:39:14.360 He blinked.

00:39:15.180 He blinked.

00:39:15.740 Like, right as the kill toad ended, he blinked.

00:39:18.080 So, I've been thinking about this, and basically, what I would do is I would tie him to a pole, you know, kind of just restricted style, much like they would burn the witches, and I would not use anything. 0.99

00:39:32.800 I would just strike him to the body with all my might until he perished. 0.95

00:39:39.140 I want to know, I want to know how, um, how many, you know, like, remember the owl where it's like, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 0.99

00:39:51.520 I want to know how many full force strikes to the gut does it take to, uh, have a man's soul leave his body, for him to perish, for him to expire.

00:40:03.940 But Tootsie specifically, Tootsie specifically, how many body shots?

00:40:09.900 I'm literally crying.

00:40:10.820 Probably three.

00:40:11.700 Three tops.

00:40:12.920 I think three.

00:40:14.120 Yeah.

00:40:14.820 Look at that.

00:40:15.540 I would say three.

00:40:17.320 Yeah.

00:40:18.820 He can't do it when he sees himself. 0.51

00:40:21.180 Good thing I'm fat.

00:40:23.740 I think if we elevate it and we go only chest shots, only the chest, I think two. 0.64

00:40:30.020 Oh, wow.

00:40:30.660 Two?

00:40:31.220 Yeah, I think so.

00:40:32.140 That's very few.

00:40:32.680 That's incredible.

00:40:33.260 In the chest?

00:40:33.620 Yeah, I think so.

00:40:34.620 Yeah.

00:40:35.000 Are you talking about from, like, uh, from just a rate, an average man, or, like, if it was, like, uh.

00:40:39.720 No, from him.

00:40:40.380 From him.

00:40:40.760 From me.

00:40:41.620 Oh, okay.

00:40:42.340 From you. 0.93

00:40:43.000 I was going to say, if it was, like, Inganu, do you think Inganu could do one shot, kill Tootsie? 0.88

00:40:46.140 Oh, yeah. 0.83

00:40:46.580 A hundred percent.

00:40:47.180 One.

00:40:47.500 Yeah, one.

00:40:48.000 There's no reason to.

00:40:49.480 Of course.

00:40:49.700 Toad, though, a chest, a chest fatality punch is.

00:40:53.800 You stop astonishing.

00:40:55.240 Yeah.

00:40:55.540 Yeah. 0.98

00:40:56.160 I mean, Toad, do you think Inganu could, uh, kill you with one punch? 0.99

00:41:03.380 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:04.420 Oh, okay.

00:41:05.060 Wow.

00:41:05.140 Yeah, for sure.

00:41:05.760 If you're in a position where you're tied behind and you can't defend at all and all you can do is kind of tighten up on impact, yeah, I think he could.

00:41:12.520 I think he could probably do it to me if you tied my arms around the back.

00:41:15.360 I think there's more evidence that Raven and I are spiritually aligned because I think almost every day about how many body shots it would take before Toad expired.

00:41:25.360 That's a thrilling thing to dream about.

00:41:28.360 Imagine this for a moment, if you will, Clint.

00:41:30.140 You on one side, me on the other, Toad tied to a pole in the center and us taking shots, boom, and then you go, boom, and then I go, boom, and that would be, and it's a bonding experience. 0.99

00:41:41.520 You know, we show each other our dicks. 0.99

00:41:42.660 I think about that, too, but I'm more thinking, like, what if I'm, like, if I just put myself on, like, the front of a train and there's another train on the other side of me and they're just coming together, like, how many hits would that take to kill me? 0.99

00:41:54.660 The answer is one hit.

00:41:57.500 I want to do this.

00:41:58.360 I want to do it.

00:41:59.920 Guys, I want to crowdfund this.

00:42:01.460 I mean, can we, like, raise some money?

00:42:03.640 I don't know how much a headstone costs, but if we could do that and get it engraved with, like, all the crazy ways.

00:42:08.740 30 different tests.

00:42:10.760 Yo, listen, if we were successful enough, like, if we had enough money, this would be easy to do.

00:42:16.220 That would probably cost, like, five grand or something.

00:42:18.500 That's not that much.

00:42:19.060 But, and the thing is, he would also just have, actually, we'd be like, hey, Toad, we actually did buy you a plot.

00:42:23.820 Like, you don't have to worry about, like, where you're going to be buried at.

00:42:25.880 We have a plot for you.

00:42:26.880 We actually bought a plot.

00:42:27.240 You can choose from, like, 30 of you.

00:42:28.060 We have a nice headstone for you.

00:42:29.800 It just has to be, like, ingrained with every way you died.

00:42:33.360 Where is it going to be?

00:42:34.520 Where is it going to be?

00:42:35.440 And not the actual way.

00:42:37.360 Where is it going to be?

00:42:38.280 Because that's important.

00:42:39.180 Right by your house.

00:42:40.460 I say we bury you, like, on one of those trains that you ride to work every day.

00:42:45.620 On the train?

00:42:46.820 Yeah.

00:42:47.140 Because that'd be hilarious.

00:42:48.320 I think we somehow, here's what you do, Toad, is we somehow get you into the military.

00:42:53.820 And we put you into...

00:42:55.820 Hey, we got the end.

00:42:58.480 Of course he does.

00:43:00.020 Gravedigger. 0.99

00:43:00.780 We somehow get you into the National Cemetery.

00:43:05.120 Gravedigger. 0.99

00:43:06.340 What's it called?

00:43:08.060 What's that one?

00:43:09.100 The one with all the...

00:43:10.240 Arlington.

00:43:11.060 Arlington National Cemetery.

00:43:12.600 We somehow get you in there.

00:43:13.760 That'd be really funny.

00:43:14.940 Toad with a banger on his head. 0.92

00:43:16.460 Yeah, the banger is my death. 0.79

00:43:19.980 He had some bangers.

00:43:20.780 That's the most hilarious punchline, is me dying. 0.98

00:43:23.440 Toad shoots himself in the mouth, that's what his head's doing. 0.90

00:43:25.780 Yeah, exactly. 0.97

00:43:27.220 Hold on, hold on.

00:43:28.220 This... 1.00

00:43:28.780 Damn it. 1.00

00:43:29.720 JC, instead of the birth of your... 1.00

00:43:31.060 That actually might be something Toad does. 0.94

00:43:33.900 Like, that actually might be something Toad...

00:43:35.840 He'd be like, oh.

00:43:36.880 Instead of his birth of your...

00:43:37.660 I have one request.

00:43:39.180 Dates engrave his online betting record, is what JC says.

00:43:42.560 Again, another astute contribution by JC.

00:43:45.180 Thank you.

00:43:45.580 Hi, JC.

00:43:45.980 I have all these notches on my bedpost, because it looks really impressive. 0.99

00:43:50.400 It's like, that's how many chicks you fucked? 0.99

00:43:51.680 No, that's how many bets I've won. 0.99

00:43:53.100 I really think that Toad, like...

00:43:55.140 He'd be like, on his gravestone, be like, 2017.

00:43:57.840 I was up 30K.

00:43:59.160 Like, had a great year.

00:44:00.140 And then that's all it said. 1.00

00:44:01.460 Like, it would just be something stupid like that that doesn't matter at all. 0.99

00:44:04.940 I wish. 0.99

00:44:05.340 2017.

00:44:06.040 Yeah, it was not nearly as good as that.

00:44:07.860 Do you have another mailbag question, or are we done with mailbag?

00:44:14.240 I was going to tell the story about my son before Toad disrupted us by not talking. 0.99

00:44:19.160 How the fuck? 0.99

00:44:20.360 How did you do that? 0.99

00:44:21.660 I was just about to tell the story, and then you still derailed it by not doing anything.

00:44:25.740 Oh my god, he's frozen again.

00:44:27.300 He's frozen again.

00:44:28.260 He was going to do it again.

00:44:30.720 Frozen Toad is the best Toad.

00:44:31.840 Dude, that was great.

00:44:33.120 Frozen Toad?

00:44:33.860 You should do that for a whole show sometime.

00:44:35.460 You should do that for every show, all the time.

00:44:37.860 Why am I even here?

00:44:41.840 No, no, no, it's great.

00:44:43.260 Every show, he just comes in and never says anything, just frozen toad for two hours. 1.00

00:44:49.840 Every guest is like, why the fuck? 1.00

00:44:51.780 Can you imagine Owen Benjamin just riffing off of frozen toad for a fucking hour and a half? 1.00

00:44:55.840 It'd be brilliant. 0.99

00:44:57.180 Who would freak out? 0.99

00:44:58.000 Every time he'd blink, people would be like, holy shit. 0.98

00:44:59.940 It would become the center of the show. 0.99

00:45:01.820 It would be the biggest thing.

00:45:03.240 You'd be a superstar.

00:45:04.900 Stealing the show.

00:45:05.920 Again, stealing the show. 1.00

00:45:07.100 Fucking Boston Toad. 1.00

00:45:08.520 Yeah, so my son runs around naked all the time. 1.00

00:45:11.320 And he does this thing like, oh, I guess all kids do this.

00:45:14.100 They always grab their wiener and stretch it out.

00:45:16.100 Like, look at this.

00:45:16.660 Look at that.

00:45:17.700 And yeah, he did. 1.00

00:45:20.180 The other day, he had the safety scissors and he's holding a stretched out penis. 0.99

00:45:23.960 And he's going like, he goes to me, I'm going to cut it. 0.99

00:45:26.500 I'm going to cut it. 1.00

00:45:27.360 And I'm like, no, the fuck you aren't. 1.00

00:45:29.240 That's a bad idea. 1.00

00:45:30.040 And I have to like talk him down from circumcising himself with like safety scissors.

00:45:34.440 But the other day, he ends up not doing it. 0.96

00:45:37.500 He knows he's just fucking around because they think it's hilarious. 1.00

00:45:39.740 Like penis stuff or like butt jokes and shit. 1.00

00:45:42.820 The other day, I look at him and he's sitting on his little baby chair and he's got his wiener stretched out. 1.00

00:45:49.980 And he's bent all the way over and he has it in his mouth.

00:45:53.860 No.

00:45:54.860 Yes.

00:45:56.220 He's got it in his mouth.

00:45:58.820 Dude. 1.00

00:45:59.440 Got a big old fucking hand on him. 1.00

00:46:00.160 That's some Marilyn Manson type of shit. 1.00

00:46:03.460 I don't understand that. 1.00

00:46:04.640 He's like a three-year-old. 1.00

00:46:05.800 He just folds over like an accordion and starts fucking. 1.00

00:46:10.100 Hey, man, the kids, that's why they love them. 1.00

00:46:12.680 They're flexible.

00:46:14.000 That's why the Jeffrey Epstein types love them. 0.98

00:46:17.620 They can fucking just pretzel them in any situation. 1.00

00:46:21.440 I don't think that's why I can't. 0.98

00:46:23.140 I can't enjoy.

00:46:24.360 I can't enjoy that.

00:46:25.300 That's not.

00:46:26.060 It has to do.

00:46:26.980 They love them because of the portals that they open with their buttholes.

00:46:32.100 I don't think that your floating ribs develop until a certain age.

00:46:36.040 You've got like those lower ribs that are mostly cartilage that are floating.

00:46:39.600 They're not attached to the other ribs.

00:46:40.720 And I think those are slow to develop.

00:46:42.740 And so I just made that up entirely.

00:46:45.800 Yeah.

00:46:47.020 I was taking it 100%.

00:46:50.100 That was very convincing.

00:46:51.080 I would have told everybody I knew, be like, pfft, the kids, don't worry about it.

00:46:55.040 They have their floating ribs.

00:46:55.760 They come in like teeth.

00:46:57.440 They come in like wisdom teeth.

00:47:00.040 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:47:00.680 Oh, you've got your wisdom floating ribs.

00:47:02.900 You can't blow yourself anymore.

00:47:04.100 That's tragic, little Billy.

00:47:06.100 That's what God knew.

00:47:08.320 He was just like, if we don't give these boy floating ribs that get hardened as they get 1.00

00:47:13.680 older, they will all suck their own dicks and no kid will ever be born. 1.00

00:47:17.080 That's intelligent design. 1.00

00:47:18.160 They won't get anything done.

00:47:19.000 It's intelligent design. 1.00

00:47:19.540 They won't build shit. 0.99

00:47:20.620 They're not going to build cathedrals. 1.00

00:47:21.920 They're not going to learn mathematics. 1.00

00:47:22.340 All day, every day, just sucking their own dicks. 1.00

00:47:24.120 Little known fact, the whole reason that the Neanderthals went extinct is because they didn't 1.00

00:47:28.160 have floating ribs.

00:47:29.100 You're right.

00:47:29.760 That's what it was. 0.97

00:47:30.680 They sucked themselves out. 1.00

00:47:32.260 Holy shit. 1.00

00:47:33.580 One Neanderthal one day was just like, and the rest is history. 1.00

00:47:38.760 Like, they just stopped.

00:47:39.600 That was the last generation of Neanderthals. 0.99

00:47:42.980 They just all sucked themselves to extinction.

00:47:45.480 I mean, we can all, as men, like, just confess that we all tried to at one point or not, right? 0.79

00:47:51.480 Of course.

00:47:52.320 I tried.

00:47:53.040 I had a point in my, like, younger years when I was a teenager and I was really thin, and

00:48:00.100 I got it in my mouth once. 0.99

00:48:01.940 No fucking way. 1.00

00:48:03.400 You can't. 1.00

00:48:04.000 Look, I'm going to tell you right now, you're not going to derive any sort of sexual satisfaction. 1.00

00:48:07.420 Like, yeah, it wasn't, it was like sucking on a piece of rubber. 0.99

00:48:10.040 I felt any taste in my mouth.

00:48:11.100 Like I said before. 1.00

00:48:11.920 But you have had a dick in your mouth, which is hilarious. 0.99

00:48:14.060 Like I said before, and it's an old, it's an old one-off joke, but. 0.99

00:48:20.600 You know what I've thought about, though, is like the self-fallatio version of the stranger

00:48:26.840 just, like, jam Novocaine into your mouth, so then it feels like somebody else is sucking 0.99

00:48:30.300 you off. 0.99

00:48:30.760 That actually might be, that actually might work.

00:48:32.700 Yeah, you can get that real sloppy, because you're just drooling because you can't feel

00:48:35.980 your own mouth. 1.00

00:48:36.560 But because the old joke, and I've said it before, is that sucking your own dick is 1.00

00:48:42.400 not like you're getting your dick sucked. 1.00

00:48:44.260 It just feels like you're sucking a dick. 1.00

00:48:46.300 Right. 1.00

00:48:46.520 And so you're not going to get off doing it.

00:48:48.560 That is true.

00:48:49.300 You know what would be cool, though, when you were 16 or 17 or however old you were, when

00:48:52.920 you were actually able to get in your mouth?

00:48:54.100 I was probably like 14, but all right.

00:48:55.760 All right, whatever. 0.99

00:48:56.940 Just jerk off until you, did you ever jerk off until you had to complete, because you couldn't 1.00

00:49:01.840 get it all the way in your mouth? 1.00

00:49:02.880 You just, like, finish it all the way in your mouth?

00:49:04.400 That's the thing.

00:49:05.020 Like, you're never going to, to get yourself into the position, there's a lot of failed

00:49:08.760 attempts on the way there.

00:49:10.040 You finally get it done.

00:49:10.980 You're barely erect anymore.

00:49:12.220 You're not in the mood.

00:49:13.600 You know, things have changed.

00:49:14.680 The landscape is different than when you started.

00:49:16.640 I feel like, you start off, you start off, like, really inspired. 1.00

00:49:20.300 You're like, I'm going to fucking suck my own dick. 1.00

00:49:22.320 And then by the end of it, you're just, you're just barely getting the tip of your limp dick 1.00

00:49:25.580 in your mouth. 1.00

00:49:26.040 It's tragic.

00:49:26.880 I got a theory here.

00:49:27.660 You're in pain.

00:49:28.580 Yeah. 0.95

00:49:28.900 I think that Toad would be very easy to kill with the body shots thing, because I feel 0.95

00:49:33.840 like Toad, he's the type, Toad the type of nigga to never grow his wisdom ribs. 1.00

00:49:38.140 Like, he's like, like, stunted growth.

00:49:40.500 I wish. 1.00

00:49:41.040 But he also can't suck his own dick. 1.00

00:49:42.900 I wish. 1.00

00:49:43.880 Because he's fast.

00:49:44.540 So, I went to jail once when I was younger, and it was because I beat some kid up. 0.95

00:49:50.780 And one of the things that I did, it was a total fucking terrible thing on my behalf. 0.78

00:49:54.060 I shouldn't have done it. 0.85

00:49:55.720 There was no reason to. 1.00

00:49:56.860 But, you know, when you're fucking young and just full of cum, and you just want to fuck 1.00

00:49:59.380 somebody up. 1.00

00:50:00.120 No, he wasn't black. 1.00

00:50:00.780 But he smelled bad, and his car was full of trash. 1.00

00:50:03.560 And that's really all his offense was. 0.99

00:50:05.540 So, long story short, I hit him.

00:50:07.620 He hits the ground, and he's in the fetal position.

00:50:09.440 He doesn't want to get hit anymore.

00:50:10.220 I cut my hands together, and I slam him down, and I just miss the ribs and the hips. 0.99

00:50:16.020 And my hands sink so deep into his shit, he ends up going to the hospital for internal 0.99

00:50:21.260 bleeding. 1.00

00:50:21.700 So, quick story.

00:50:23.020 I have to go to court, right?

00:50:24.680 And my dad.

00:50:25.000 Who hits somebody like this?

00:50:26.900 Who does this?

00:50:28.400 You battle axed his torso.

00:50:31.120 That's awesome. 0.98

00:50:31.500 Dude, it sucked, dude.

00:50:34.000 Raven put me in the hospital.

00:50:34.880 You know what it is? 0.99

00:50:37.040 That's some wrestling type shit. 0.99

00:50:38.960 That's some, like, WWE type shit where they, like, don't hit him like that. 0.99

00:50:42.500 Because it's like, it actually doesn't hurt. 0.93

00:50:43.660 I started getting frustrated.

00:50:44.560 So, I was trying to hit him, and he's shelled up, and he's covering all. 1.00

00:50:47.180 And I got mad, because I'm like, let me hit you. 0.99

00:50:49.100 And so, I ended up doing this shit. 0.99

00:50:50.660 I go to court, right? 1.00

00:50:51.700 You fucking defensive bitch. 1.00

00:50:52.960 It's one of the best moments of my life. 1.00

00:50:55.320 I'm in the courtroom, and I'm very white at this point.

00:50:58.100 Like, I'm Hispanic, but in court, I'm very white.

00:51:00.380 So, I'm all buttoned up and everything, and I'm very apologetic, and I understand the error of my ways, and I would never do anything like that ever again to hurt anybody.

00:51:06.800 And the judge is, like, finishing words while my father is standing behind me.

00:51:10.980 Only time I ever really saw him is when he took me to court.

00:51:13.800 The judge goes, I'd like to take a moment to address the fact that you stomped on this man and put him in the hospital for internal bleeding.

00:51:22.720 And I said, Your Honor, I never stomped on him.

00:51:26.060 And he goes, you did that with your hands?

00:51:28.820 And I said, yes, Your Honor.

00:51:31.680 Technically, it was a double hammer fist, Your Honor.

00:51:35.380 It's my deadliest move, Your Honor.

00:51:38.600 Your Honor, it was a 12-6 hand class.

00:51:43.120 Entirely illegal in the UFC.

00:51:45.080 He told me, I was 17 years old, and he goes, you're incredibly strong, and you don't know your own strength, and you need to be careful from now on.

00:51:53.100 And I was like, I completely understand.

00:51:55.080 In a court of law? 1.00

00:51:55.860 My dad got out of that courtroom, and I fucking high-fived him and shit, and then, hold on a second, and then on the bus ride back, my dad beat a man's ass in front of me. 1.00

00:52:05.020 No. 1.00

00:52:05.680 Wow.

00:52:06.440 Dude, you know what your dad was?

00:52:07.460 Incredible.

00:52:07.600 Your dad had his own masculine prowess challenged because his son had just been complimented by a judge on his felony assault case, and he's like, I'm going to beat someone up in front of my kid. 0.99

00:52:20.080 That's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:52:20.840 No, no, no. 1.00

00:52:21.280 In a court of law, in a court of law, you are a strong motherfucker. 1.00

00:52:26.100 That is literally like it. 1.00

00:52:28.220 It is a lethal weapon.

00:52:32.140 God, man. 1.00

00:52:33.080 Cruelest moment of my fucking life. 0.99

00:52:34.380 Here's what happened, Raven. 1.00

00:52:35.880 You made your dad self-conscious because he barely knows.

00:52:38.920 He's like, I don't even know this nigga, and he's double hammer fisting guys into the hospital. 1.00

00:52:43.220 He's like, so then you're on the bus, and he's like, I got to fuck somebody up just to, like, reclaim my dominance here. 1.00

00:52:48.800 Otherwise, my son might pull off his special move on me and fuck me up. 0.99

00:52:52.240 I'm going to try this on Elizabeth tonight and see how much damage I can do. 1.00

00:52:56.320 Catch her in that spot.

00:52:57.400 Don't hit her in the ribs.

00:52:58.200 Don't hit her in the hip. 0.96

00:52:59.000 Hit her in the soft spot. 1.00

00:53:00.240 Murder that bitch. 1.00

00:53:01.020 100%. 1.00

00:53:01.620 Great advice.

00:53:05.280 Great advice.

00:53:06.360 All right.

00:53:06.580 One more real advice.

00:53:07.140 You ever need an at-home abortion? 1.00

00:53:08.180 Just...

00:53:08.580 All right.

00:53:12.640 We're only doing one more?

00:53:14.480 I don't care.

00:53:14.880 Pick the best one.

00:53:15.340 Pick the best one.

00:53:15.380 Pick the best one.

00:53:16.680 All right.

00:53:17.500 Mark Vestibule.

00:53:17.840 This show means nothing to me.

00:53:18.780 Do as many as you want.

00:53:19.680 Mark Vestibule.

00:53:21.740 I was eating pizza before this.

00:53:23.320 Do whatever you want, man.

00:53:24.580 Mark Vestibule.

00:53:26.480 Thanks for the submission, obviously. 0.99

00:53:28.480 Toad has a shit life, but thanks to his immense mental strength, bold character, and support 0.98

00:53:35.280 from the gang, he has not yet ended it. 1.00

00:53:38.040 If the rest of the gang lived like Toad, would you end it?

00:53:40.980 And if so, how?

00:53:42.120 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:53:42.700 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

00:53:43.760 This is a kill Toad. 1.00

00:53:45.420 But this is on us.

00:53:46.820 This is on us. 1.00

00:53:47.880 This is kill yourself, really. 1.00

00:53:50.620 Kill yourself, Toad. 1.00

00:53:50.980 Yeah, I mean, if I was 38 and I had never had sex, I would have died 10 years ago. 1.00

00:53:55.340 How would I do it?

00:53:56.320 You know what?

00:53:57.080 You're probably right.

00:53:57.920 If this is...

00:53:59.040 No, seriously.

00:54:00.140 If somehow we body swap tomorrow, like we just body swap, and it's just like...

00:54:04.240 But it's permanent?

00:54:05.280 Like, you can't go back.

00:54:06.380 And also, like, it's like you are in the same...

00:54:08.980 You have to be Toad.

00:54:10.680 You can't, like, do your own self.

00:54:12.620 And, like, I think I would that day just be like, and it's out.

00:54:18.300 Yeah, I mean, I already answered this, but I'd like to answer it again.

00:54:21.920 Because I really like this hypothetical.

00:54:24.140 It's such a great hypothetical.

00:54:25.560 No, no, no.

00:54:26.140 All right, so honest to God, like, what I would like to do is I would like to take all of the

00:54:29.980 advice that I've given to Toad over the past three years that he's completely ignored 0.94

00:54:33.160 me, and I would just become this fucking shredded legend version of Toad. 0.78

00:54:37.500 And then I would come back on this show as this shredded legend version of Toad with, 0.98

00:54:40.780 like, a whole fucking cautery of, you know, women that are in pursuit of me, even though 1.00

00:54:46.060 I'm five foot four, but I'm so shredded, and I'm so wealthy, and I'm so famous. 0.99

00:54:49.220 And I would just fucking... 0.93

00:54:49.860 I would just demonstrate to him definitively what he was capable of all along. 0.99

00:54:54.140 Dude, and I'm telling you, Toad...

00:54:55.580 It's never his body, it was his soul. 0.94

00:54:57.980 When do you die?

00:54:58.800 When do you die in this, though? 1.00

00:54:59.960 You are Toad. 1.00

00:55:00.840 You have to die at the end. 1.00

00:55:02.320 Yeah. 0.99

00:55:02.540 No, no, no, no.

00:55:03.220 I don't.

00:55:03.820 No, no.

00:55:04.280 The question is, would you end it?

00:55:05.920 And if so, how?

00:55:08.120 And seriously, though, Toad, if you did...

00:55:09.840 If you did, like, legitimately put forth an effort and not just, like, move around those

00:55:13.980 weights in the background, you could put on muscle so...

00:55:16.400 The short guys...

00:55:17.760 Oh, yeah.

00:55:18.260 They put on muscle like nobody's business, man.

00:55:20.760 Like, you could get ripped in, like, two months.

00:55:23.980 Yeah, I wouldn't.

00:55:26.600 Toad freezes, cold antifreezes.

00:55:28.820 That's how I do. 1.00

00:55:29.500 I drink a gallon antifreeze until my fucking organs... 1.00

00:55:32.520 I would wake up in Toad's bed tomorrow and immediately be like, where is the closest autozone? 1.00

00:55:36.380 I have to end this.

00:55:38.440 Well, dude, I said that I wouldn't end it that way, but because I'm frozen Toad now, I think

00:55:43.740 I do have to end it with antifreeze.

00:55:46.220 That's actually great merch.

00:55:47.360 Yeah, that's pretty brilliant.

00:55:48.360 When we blow up, we're going to get, like, we're going to sell... 0.98

00:55:50.280 You know how fucking Logan Paul is selling Prime? 0.99

00:55:52.720 We're going to sell, like, there's some bullshit Gatorade stuff, but it's going to be antifreeze. 0.99

00:55:56.440 And it's just going to be cold on the old Jack, like, antifreeze. 0.94

00:55:59.320 Because, like, I can actually, like, uh...

00:56:02.140 Can you imagine us in court having to explain that, like, our audience shouldn't have been

00:56:06.960 drinking it, but, like, now we're...

00:56:08.820 You know, this is 16 ounces of antifreeze.

00:56:14.320 Don't drink this. 0.99

00:56:15.520 You know, your honor, it was a git.

00:56:17.920 It's in, like, a Gatorade bottle.

00:56:20.160 And it's like, guys, you know this is actually antifreeze.

00:56:23.180 We just...

00:56:23.540 This is actually...

00:56:24.600 You're not supposed to drink it.

00:56:26.260 No, no, I want it to be, like, a sports drink, but it doesn't smell just like antifreeze.

00:56:30.360 No, I like it funny that it actually is antifreeze.

00:56:33.160 It actually is antifreeze.

00:56:34.420 No, but the thing is either orange or blue.

00:56:37.480 Like, that's...

00:56:37.920 But the thing about antifreeze, why dogs drink it is that it actually, like, smells and tastes.

00:56:42.180 Yeah, it smells to me.

00:56:43.360 Yes, Toad, don't explain the joke.

00:56:44.400 It smells like pumpkin.

00:56:45.480 No, my God.

00:56:46.860 Dude, I...

00:56:47.760 Toad, Toad, what would you do?

00:56:49.880 Well, I am me, so I have not ended it.

00:56:53.900 I have not ended it yet, but...

00:56:55.960 I guess you're saying you wouldn't.

00:56:56.980 That's good.

00:56:57.320 Listen, well, that just proves to you how much, like, resolve I have.

00:57:01.380 Like, how much determination...

00:57:02.000 How would I do it?

00:57:03.100 How would I do what you ask?

00:57:03.980 I have, like, the most will to live out of anybody, really, if you think about it.

00:57:08.040 Here's what I do, Toad.

00:57:09.020 Everybody else, if they were me, they would just end it, and I still haven't.

00:57:11.980 No, no, no.

00:57:12.320 Actually, that's a good argument.

00:57:13.000 I just said, if I was you, I wouldn't end it.

00:57:15.140 I would be a dominant, powerful version of you.

00:57:17.720 No, it is...

00:57:18.340 This is a good argument that Toad does have the most will out of all of us to live, because

00:57:23.020 he would have ended it much sooner if he didn't have such strong will.

00:57:26.560 It kind of makes me think, like, my life's pretty good.

00:57:29.040 At what point would... 0.60

00:57:29.940 Maybe would I commit suicide before Toad? 0.90

00:57:32.280 It's very possible.

00:57:33.080 I think maybe all of us, like, on a percentage-wide, we probably would do before Toad, technically,

00:57:38.180 since he hasn't already.

00:57:39.520 Well, if I had no capacity to improve my life, yeah, as I said, I would have killed myself

00:57:43.960 a decade ago, but I'm saying I could improve my life.

00:57:46.360 You know what keeps me alive, though, is, like, what am I going to bet tomorrow?

00:57:49.700 Like, that's, like, the vibe.

00:57:50.720 Yeah, that's the reason to stay alive. 0.71

00:57:52.920 That is the most degenerate gambler thing I've ever heard in my life.

00:57:56.640 That's not good.

00:57:57.660 But I think the shock of, like, being a normal dude and having, like, a nice, successful life

00:58:01.800 and looking good, and then all of a sudden becoming Toad, that...

00:58:05.200 Clint, I think you're underestimating what that'll do to a man.

00:58:08.640 It would be jarring.

00:58:10.000 It would be jarring, and I don't know that...

00:58:11.620 Oh, my God.

00:58:12.160 Toad's been acclimated over time, and he's developed that will with that body.

00:58:16.160 Can we kick her out of the chat? 0.93

00:58:17.320 Is there a way to kick her out? 1.00

00:58:18.660 Yeah, because here's the thing, is, like, if, uh, maybe it's not, like, we wake up as

00:58:22.820 Toad, it's just tomorrow, it's like the Job story, everything is taken away from

00:58:27.180 us, that we become in Toad's position.

00:58:29.640 So, somehow, the virginity gets put back on us. 0.57

00:58:33.500 Like, if we have wives and kids, they die the next tomorrow, next they die. 0.68

00:58:38.020 They're gone.

00:58:38.900 But, for some reason, we're just really good at gambling all of a sudden.

00:58:41.660 Or, I'm not going to say really good.

00:58:42.780 Sorry, I should have said that.

00:58:43.700 I'm really good. 0.90

00:58:44.480 You're addicted to gambling.

00:58:46.100 Yeah, that's not the same thing.

00:58:48.000 We actually considered this.

00:58:49.700 We considered, for whatever reason, doing a persona swap, and I picked...

00:58:53.640 Yeah, that'd be fun, dude. 0.98

00:58:54.640 I picked Cole, Cole picked Clint, Clint, you got me, uh, fucking, I don't know. 0.95

00:58:59.720 And Toad and Jose. 0.98

00:59:00.840 Yeah, Toad and Jose swapped.

00:59:02.100 Actually, no, Toad said he would be, uh, Clint.

00:59:05.320 Or, no, what was it?

00:59:06.620 I thought it was all randomized.

00:59:08.000 We each had to be...

00:59:08.660 No, no, I think Toad was, yeah, Toad was Jose, Toad was Jose, and then Jose would be

00:59:12.000 Toad.

00:59:12.600 And the problem, and Jose was like, I can't do this.

00:59:15.540 Jose would kill himself right away, because he'd be, he'd just, like, do the math, and he'd

00:59:18.780 be like, logically, this doesn't add up. 0.95

00:59:20.920 I should have been dead years ago. 0.92

00:59:25.220 This is insane. 0.99

00:59:25.660 I just said, uh, that Toad would just go into Sage mode and finally shut the fuck up, and 0.98

00:59:29.500 I was so excited. 0.89

00:59:30.920 Yeah, I think that you can turn Toads, uh, you can turn him into a sort of a martyr, right?

00:59:35.800 So, like, in the spirit of the whole Toad-mussy thing, if you went, you got the surgery, you

00:59:40.940 got a mussy, right? 1.00

00:59:41.820 But you know how you have to put that thing in, the kind of protractor to, like, open

00:59:44.980 it and keep it from sealing up?

00:59:46.800 Yeah.

00:59:47.080 Allow it to seal, allow yourself to get septic, and die. 0.98

00:59:49.580 All women do that, right? 1.00

00:59:50.420 They're by spreading awareness to this whole trans debacle, and Toad essentially becomes 1.00

00:59:56.380 a martyr.

00:59:56.900 He becomes a mechanism for justice, really.

00:59:59.840 That's one of the most vicious versions of Kill Toad I've ever heard, that he's going 0.99

01:00:03.040 to chop his dick off, then intentionally give himself sepsis just to raise awareness about 1.00

01:00:07.580 the trans plight. 1.00

01:00:08.640 Like, what a fucking horrific way for him to end it. 0.99

01:00:11.640 I think it's a good move. 0.98

01:00:13.300 I was going to say, this is a worthy cause.

01:00:16.020 JC, this is a good move. 0.96

01:00:17.520 JC, this would make me kill myself. 1.00

01:00:19.860 If Cole was a virgin who got cucked in a threesome with Toad, Liz, and other chicks, I would 0.99

01:00:23.220 legit, if that was the actual thing that happened, I would legitimately, like, jump off a bridge. 0.95

01:00:26.860 So, literally, what Cole's saying right now is that if he was in that room, but all the

01:00:32.120 roles were first, I would instantly jump off a bridge.

01:00:37.040 No, can you imagine if Toad had ended it while you were having a threesome?

01:00:40.520 Wow.

01:00:41.940 That's the move.

01:00:43.040 100%.

01:00:43.360 You finish.

01:00:44.240 You keep going, and you finish.

01:00:46.040 You pull out, you come on his corpse. 0.81

01:00:48.060 Yeah, he pulls the gun out, he shoots, and I'm just like...

01:00:51.780 No, the thing about, like, drunk Toad, like, blackout Toad, was that he was, like, the least

01:00:58.340 suicidal Toad version.

01:00:59.940 You know what, though?

01:01:00.860 You should go back to being a blackout drunk. 1.00

01:01:03.100 So, Toad is a degenerate gambler, but Cole is a degenerate sex addict. 1.00

01:01:07.320 I don't think he does. 1.00

01:01:08.040 He doesn't know it yet. 1.00

01:01:08.980 You're a sex addict. 1.00

01:01:10.220 If Toad did kill himself, he probably would still finish. 1.00

01:01:14.060 You don't think he realized that when he was fingering his ass with shaving cream? 1.00

01:01:17.040 I would... 1.00

01:01:18.040 I would...

01:01:18.640 Never even process.

01:01:20.360 I would definitely try to, like, be like, no one saw that, right?

01:01:24.580 Just...

01:01:24.900 He didn't realize it on the third.

01:01:28.800 Until someone else noticed, and they'd be like, oh, my God, yeah, then I would stop.

01:01:33.160 But if I was the only one that noticed it, I wouldn't say anything.

01:01:36.400 What's really cool about Cole's life is, like, most people have their debaucherous sex life

01:01:40.880 before they get married.

01:01:41.940 He literally didn't have any sex. 1.00

01:01:43.540 He just got married, and then he's like, let's fuck everybody. 1.00

01:01:45.960 It's so bizarre. 1.00

01:01:47.360 I love it.

01:01:48.380 Well, I think it's Liz who's driving. 0.55

01:01:50.880 Not necessarily.

01:01:52.680 But you see not necessarily.

01:01:54.340 He's like, not necessarily, but I do have four more threesome stories that I haven't told you yet.

01:01:59.280 You never finished the other threesome story where you were like, oh, I didn't tell you about that one? 0.97

01:02:02.920 And he was just like, oh, the girl with the blowjob. 0.98

01:02:05.820 I told it. 0.99

01:02:06.900 He finished it.

01:02:07.700 He told that one.

01:02:08.400 He had to go console her out on the porch.

01:02:09.960 Yeah, she cried, and he had to console her outside.

01:02:13.040 She's cool.

01:02:13.540 Jesus Christ.

01:02:15.160 You didn't hear this one?

01:02:16.200 Oh, wait, because Raven falls asleep at 8 o'clock.

01:02:18.360 So he can't do that in this hour.

01:02:19.960 Her boyfriend's real cool.

01:02:21.460 I went to their house.

01:02:22.160 I stayed at their house.

01:02:22.900 It was really cool.

01:02:23.740 Did you look this dude?

01:02:24.820 You looked this dude in the mouth and the face. 1.00

01:02:26.280 After your dick was in his girl's mouth? 1.00

01:02:29.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:02:29.500 He doesn't know.

01:02:30.080 Same guy?

01:02:30.440 Oh, it was her best friend. 1.00

01:02:31.540 Same fucking dude. 1.00

01:02:32.000 She said it was her best friend. 1.00

01:02:33.360 So that's good.

01:02:34.460 You, my dear friend, are ruthless.

01:02:36.420 We played Call of Duty together, man.

01:02:38.540 Oh, God.

01:02:39.980 Did you guys like lock your hands?

01:02:41.480 On his couch, we were handing the controller back and forth, just chilling out.

01:02:45.500 You're like, just like it.

01:02:46.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:47.360 He thinks when Cole said that his chick blew him, that it was just Call of Duty smack talk.

01:02:55.080 He's like, I know. 1.00

01:02:55.860 She sucks, right, bro? 1.00

01:02:58.760 Oh, shit, man. 1.00

01:03:00.180 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:03:01.200 Pwned, dude.

01:03:01.320 That's unbelievable.

01:03:01.780 I mean, he's cool.

01:03:03.620 He's a cool guy.

01:03:04.120 We talk about going to the gym and stuff, but no, he's cool.

01:03:06.960 Talk about how mid his girlfriend's head is. 1.00

01:03:09.920 All right.

01:03:10.140 We talked a lot about suicide, and while we're doing that, let me thank our sponsor.

01:03:14.000 I did mention this.

01:03:15.420 Oh, yeah.

01:03:16.100 Sorry.

01:03:16.360 I did mention this.

01:03:16.940 They weren't together, but they had broke.

01:03:18.380 She was so sad, and that's why she blew me.

01:03:21.700 No, no, no.

01:03:22.360 But then they got back together.

01:03:23.900 Hold on.

01:03:24.400 They weren't.

01:03:24.800 Okay.

01:03:25.120 No, no.

01:03:25.780 She broke up with her boy.

01:03:27.480 The way you explained it, she broke up and then went to your house sad and then got back

01:03:32.760 together immediately.

01:03:34.740 Wait, wait, wait.

01:03:36.160 Important detail. 1.00

01:03:37.260 He's just completely naked just for a blowjob. 0.99

01:03:40.140 Yeah, shirt off. 0.99

01:03:41.820 She's not unnecessary.

01:03:42.580 I want to say, and Elizabeth, since she's in the chat, she can confirm. 0.99

01:03:46.240 I want to say it went blowjob, then me and Elizabeth were having sex, and then she went 0.99

01:03:52.440 outside. 1.00

01:03:53.280 And so I took on my clothes to have some sex. 0.99

01:03:55.820 And then she went outside. 0.97

01:03:56.880 Now you remember the details. 0.99

01:03:59.540 Last week, you don't remember shit. 0.99

01:04:01.720 Oh, okay. 0.99

01:04:02.400 I was wrong then.

01:04:03.100 Okay.

01:04:03.320 I thought it was.

01:04:04.740 Honestly, you couldn't listen that way.

01:04:06.100 You didn't even know the guy.

01:04:07.580 Jesus.

01:04:08.380 Do you think that resets?

01:04:09.720 Does that reset everything?

01:04:11.740 Now that she has a new boyfriend, does that reset your relationship with her?

01:04:15.520 Because it's a different.

01:04:16.200 He doesn't even know if it's the same dude. 1.00

01:04:17.640 What a fucking maniac. 1.00

01:04:18.200 He doesn't even know. 1.00

01:04:18.660 I thought it was funnier that it would be the same dude. 0.99

01:04:20.300 He fucks so many dudes' chicks. 1.00

01:04:21.860 He doesn't even know who they belong to. 1.00

01:04:23.920 That would be funnier.

01:04:24.900 But, well, also, this whole situation, like, that explanation, we had missed that. 0.96

01:04:30.200 Yeah, so now it's, like, there was, like, the failed blowjob, and then Cole was just, like, 1.00

01:04:34.060 ah, fuck it. 1.00

01:04:34.560 I'm going to fuck my wife in front of you now. 1.00

01:04:36.520 You know what? 1.00

01:04:37.480 And then she starts crying. 1.00

01:04:38.900 That is such a boss fucking move. 0.99

01:04:41.260 They could be that couple that's, like, murdering people for years, but, like, you just don't 1.00

01:04:44.960 even know. 0.97

01:04:45.680 Yeah, they're natural-born killers, dude.

01:04:47.360 He's Woody Harrelson.

01:04:48.600 The problem is, I wouldn't be that guy.

01:04:50.360 I couldn't kill anybody. 0.97

01:04:51.380 Elizabeth could kill somebody, I feel like.

01:04:53.340 I want to ask you, Cole. 0.99

01:04:54.540 Cole, what do you think would fuck up your relationship? 1.00

01:04:57.920 Oh, if I fucked another woman without my wife's consent. 1.00

01:05:03.300 Wow. 1.00

01:05:04.000 The sole libertarian that it's crazy.

01:05:06.880 Cole's like, I can do it.

01:05:08.880 She just has to be witness to it.

01:05:10.660 That's it, yeah.

01:05:11.480 Okay, there just has to be permission.

01:05:13.760 I do not do anything sexual without my, like, without my wife being, you know, she said 100%.

01:05:20.820 Yeah.

01:05:21.220 It's wholesome.

01:05:22.680 I am very, I'm very upfront with Elizabeth.

01:05:25.340 We are very, like, we, it's not an open relationship.

01:05:27.680 Either, like, it's not, it's just, uh, a drunken stupor, usually. 0.99

01:05:32.160 It's, what kind of fucking music is this? 0.99

01:05:33.740 It's just, like. 1.00

01:05:34.420 This is wholesome as, it's wholesome as fuck, man. 0.99

01:05:36.080 You know what else is really wholesome? 1.00

01:05:37.280 I like it.

01:05:38.060 It's jazz. 1.00

01:05:38.640 Fucking. 0.99

01:05:39.300 Nadoe Shave Co. Razors. 0.99

01:05:41.720 Promo code Tower Gang for 15% off.

01:05:44.360 This is the best razor in the game.

01:05:45.940 Grab you one today. 1.00

01:05:46.920 It's a single blade, stainless steel, bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:05:50.080 Toad uses it to kill himself almost every week. 1.00

01:05:52.440 And then he, then he withdraws because he realizes the blade, the shave is too smooth. 0.82

01:05:57.360 He can't take his own life.

01:05:58.780 Thank you so much for keeping our co-host and our producer alive.

01:06:02.300 That is N-A-D-E-A-U shaveco.com.

01:06:04.700 Nadoe Shaveco.com.

01:06:06.040 Promo code Tower Gang for 15% off.

01:06:08.040 Get you one today.

01:06:08.960 Christmas is just around the corner.

01:06:10.440 Buy your father a Christmas gift.

01:06:12.640 Yeah, that's actually, that's actually true.

01:06:14.560 Nadoe gave me 10 replacement blades for this and I've already gone through nine of them

01:06:18.920 and I'm still alive.

01:06:20.400 Wait, for real.

01:06:21.360 That's how safe it is.

01:06:22.000 I really want to ask you, do they only give you 10?

01:06:25.740 Uh, yeah.

01:06:27.520 They gave me a hundred.

01:06:30.520 They didn't want to have blood on their hands.

01:06:33.700 I'm not lying to her.

01:06:34.740 They gave me a hundred extra blades.

01:06:36.220 They gave me a hundred too.

01:06:37.240 Yeah, no, like this thick.

01:06:39.760 And it's like, you go through my cards.

01:06:41.520 No, seriously, I wasn't going to get my dad one.

01:06:45.120 This is for real.

01:06:45.800 And the crazy thing, uh, he's now advertising with a part of the problem.

01:06:50.120 This dude, we launched Nadoe up to enough to where he can have enough money to get a

01:06:53.300 part of the problem.

01:06:53.860 It's crazy.

01:06:54.600 That's how it works, man. 1.00

01:06:55.680 Oh, what the fuck conspiracy extremists? 0.99

01:06:56.960 We skyrocket everyone. 0.99

01:06:58.800 Use Tower Gang promo code.

01:06:59.220 You guys should be using promo code, promo code Nephilim if you want. 0.91

01:07:03.760 And just so you know, Toad, they didn't give me any fucking razors, so.

01:07:07.360 And I thought, look, if you can see, I shaved, I used it on, uh, on Sunday. 0.99

01:07:11.520 It's fucking nice. 0.99

01:07:12.500 She used it on my neck. 1.00

01:07:12.920 We're working on it.

01:07:13.980 Yeah.

01:07:14.200 We'll work on that.

01:07:15.260 They only gave me.

01:07:15.960 I do like, I like that they gave everybody else like the, the, the basic kit, like, like

01:07:20.740 the basic duty.

01:07:21.840 That's the really good package.

01:07:23.540 And they gave Toad the cheaper one.

01:07:25.600 They did.

01:07:26.300 Well, they, well, they, well, they only gave me, they only gave me that because they don't

01:07:29.520 want me killing myself.

01:07:30.360 And they didn't give Raven any because they're afraid he's going to use it on, on 13 year 0.95

01:07:34.000 old girls.

01:07:34.520 They gave you that because they did a cost analysis and they were like, that's how I keep them

01:07:38.480 away.

01:07:39.180 They were like, who would, who would sell our product the most? 1.00

01:07:43.040 And they gave every, man, that's so fuck. 1.00

01:07:45.740 No, no, no, no. 1.00

01:07:46.860 You're, you're doing this all wrong, Top.

01:07:48.520 They're trying to keep Toad alive.

01:07:49.780 They watched the show.

01:07:50.720 They know he's suicidal.

01:07:51.700 They're like 10.

01:07:53.160 Maybe he, maybe he'll still be with us a month from now.

01:07:55.760 See, proof they watched GoTel.

01:07:57.200 Josie gets it.

01:07:57.860 Right?

01:07:58.220 When they go to court, they got to be able to say, at least, your honor, I only gave him 0.99

01:08:01.140 10 fucking leads. 0.91

01:08:01.640 Yeah, we gave a hundred to these other clearly not suicidal people. 1.00

01:08:04.700 We only gave him 10.

01:08:05.760 Listen, man, I will stay alive for a month just to see the joy on my family's faces when

01:08:10.580 I give them Christmas gifts.

01:08:12.160 Oh, that's nice, dude.

01:08:13.060 You should stay alive.

01:08:13.840 All right.

01:08:14.600 Let's do a robot waitress, if you don't mind. 0.99

01:08:17.080 Actually, no, that, that, that, that's a gay clip. 0.94

01:08:19.020 I don't even think that's funny. 0.88

01:08:19.800 Let's do woman's face. 1.00

01:08:20.920 I don't know what that means.

01:08:21.540 Woman's, woman's face? 0.99

01:08:23.600 All right, yeah.

01:08:24.840 Oh, you didn't like the robot waitress? 0.96

01:08:26.600 That was, uh.

01:08:27.060 I didn't think it was funny.

01:08:27.920 If you thought it was funny, go for it.

01:08:29.140 I just thought it was more interesting than funny.

01:08:31.280 It was just kind of interesting.

01:08:31.780 Yeah, interesting is not what we do. 1.00

01:08:33.420 Oh, this shit, yeah, like, yeah. 1.00

01:08:35.620 This is more, this isn't necessarily a woman's face. 1.00

01:08:37.640 This is, uh, just women lying. 1.00

01:08:40.300 Yo, go full screen on this, because this shit, this shit is mystifying. 1.00

01:08:44.000 This happens, go ahead, yeah. 1.00

01:08:46.260 I'm already seeing, she's got these weird, like, acne, like, pock marks there.

01:08:49.680 It's way, it's way crazier than that. 0.98

01:08:51.540 Just fucking press play. 1.00

01:08:52.460 Bitch, you know I'm sexy. 1.00

01:08:54.600 Ah, don't call, just text me. 1.00

01:08:56.360 It's just snow cake on my skin.

01:08:57.920 No.

01:08:58.440 They serve her, they know I'm sexy.

01:09:00.820 Why?

01:09:02.180 You, I am that girl.

01:09:04.060 That looks like a...

01:09:05.100 Oh my God.

01:09:06.000 Dude, that's not saying anything.

01:09:07.040 That looks like a girl that would date Clint, or Clint would date her for real. 0.99

01:09:11.280 Yeah.

01:09:11.500 Right there.

01:09:12.340 Yeah, but then she... 1.00

01:09:12.860 And then, then she takes her makeup off, and then Clint would have to be like, oh, shit. 1.00

01:09:16.300 And I have to go to church? 1.00

01:09:19.020 That is so crazy.

01:09:20.440 Can I say for a moment that, uh, people say that the, the fallen, right, and the Nephilim,

01:09:25.160 they're the ones who taught women the art of makeup. 1.00

01:09:27.340 And that doesn't sound like such a bad thing until you see this.

01:09:31.140 This is why it's a bad thing. 0.99

01:09:32.700 It's the highest level of fucking deceit. 0.98

01:09:34.900 Dude, they told them, like, the magic, but, like, specifically the eye magic, so you see 1.00

01:09:38.780 the fucking makeup shit, like, that's... 0.99

01:09:40.700 Yeah. 1.00

01:09:41.300 They make it look even worse, though, because you can't see her titties in the, uh, the 1.00

01:09:44.300 bad face angle there, and you can only see them in, like, the makeup ones.

01:09:47.340 Dude, she looks like Willem Dafoe.

01:09:49.220 She looks like Willem Dafoe. 0.97

01:09:50.440 Yeah, but them titties, though. 1.00

01:09:51.860 The funny thing is, and I mentioned this, there is a, there's a girl on Instagram I've

01:09:56.040 seen, and she's, like, probably in her fifties, and she does the same thing, where she looks

01:10:00.760 like a grandma, dude. 0.99

01:10:02.480 I'm not, like, a fucking grandma. 0.99

01:10:03.880 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:04.300 She's got no teeth, right? 1.00

01:10:05.880 Yes, and then she'll put it, and then, like, she looks like, like, fucking this. 1.00

01:10:09.440 Like, or she'll put it in, like, there's one where she's, like, a clown. 1.00

01:10:12.380 Like, a sexy clown. 1.00

01:10:13.420 It is the weirdest shit. 1.00

01:10:14.540 Like, makeup technology has gone way too far. 0.99

01:10:17.400 We need to go back.

01:10:18.220 Bro, I, like...

01:10:19.020 Honestly, watching this, I've watched this a thousand times.

01:10:21.500 I still can't figure out if it's the same person.

01:10:24.520 It doesn't make any sense to me.

01:10:24.780 I don't think it is.

01:10:25.440 Dude, her teeth changed. 1.00

01:10:26.420 She's, like, a meth head in the first one, and then has a perfect teeth in the other. 1.00

01:10:31.100 They do these videos where they wipe it off, so that's one of the big giveaways, is they'll

01:10:33.800 do the videos where they wipe it off, and you can see it all coming off, and then, yeah,

01:10:36.860 they're hideous creatures underneath, and so...

01:10:39.100 I hate that. 0.99

01:10:39.760 It's, like, right when I'm about to cum. 0.88

01:10:41.460 Like, why would they do that to me? 0.58

01:10:42.640 It's been so crazy.

01:10:43.720 Like, I've been watching this show Face Off on Netflix, and it's really cool.

01:10:47.480 It's, like, a little reality TV show where they do...

01:10:49.340 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:10:50.000 Oh, it's not a series based off of the John Woo film?

01:10:53.720 All right.

01:10:54.680 What?

01:10:55.560 No, it's, like, they do movie makeup, and they can make you look like anything, and you could

01:10:59.740 even emote, like, through emotions, and, like, I'm thinking about, like, the CIA, like, 0.98

01:11:03.860 how they perfected that shit, but, yeah, dude, girls are right there. 1.00

01:11:07.140 Yo, watch her nose during the transition. 1.00

01:11:09.820 The nose is what, like, I cannot understand how...

01:11:12.280 Oh, yeah, the contouring of the nose, how she makes it look smaller.

01:11:15.820 Watch this, watch this, watch this, watch this. 1.00

01:11:17.440 What the fuck? 1.00

01:11:18.540 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:19.380 Unbelievable.

01:11:19.960 It's an optical illusion.

01:11:20.280 They're also putting makeup on their chest to enhance their cleavage, too. 0.99

01:11:24.060 Like, it's fucking unbelievable. 0.98

01:11:25.860 Oh, so, so if you... 0.99

01:11:26.920 Oh, yeah, have you ever seen it, like, the, well, the fucking, like, twinks do this. 0.96

01:11:32.000 Like, the ones that, like, they'll dress up like girls, like, it'd be dudes that dress 0.98

01:11:34.680 up like girls, and they'll do, like, full, like, again, the makeup off thing, and it's 0.89

01:11:38.660 the weirdest shit, because they'll also, like, put makeup, like, they'll make it look like 0.98

01:11:41.820 they have cleavage. 1.00

01:11:43.220 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:11:43.920 And it's the...

01:11:44.420 You know who does this? 1.00

01:11:45.520 Fucking Chinese people. 1.00

01:11:47.080 Chinese girls, they do this like a motherfucker. 1.00

01:11:49.840 Yeah, that's where I see a lot. 1.00

01:11:50.000 Yeah, like a full face.

01:11:51.040 Yeah, they make themselves look like...

01:11:52.280 They start doing makeup so that they have white eyes.

01:11:53.720 Yeah, they make themselves look like anime characters. 0.99

01:11:55.900 It's fucking wild. 0.99

01:11:57.620 Unbelievable. 0.99

01:11:58.660 Unbelievable.

01:11:59.320 More the Japanese. 1.00

01:12:00.920 Yeah, do you think, like, what would you do if you woke up by, like, you, out at a

01:12:07.780 club, you saw this, like, and you're like, I'm about to get, I'm about, you know, I got

01:12:13.280 a dime piece, and then you wake up, and it's like, you know, a full floor. 0.99

01:12:17.140 I feel a lot more comfortable ripping ass in the morning next to it. 0.98

01:12:22.600 You roll over, and she's like, I need to go get ready. 0.99

01:12:25.460 She takes it off, and then you're just like...

01:12:26.500 Wait up, guys. 0.60

01:12:30.920 Is it gay? 0.99

01:12:33.920 Is it gay? 0.99

01:12:34.880 Yeah. 0.97

01:12:35.120 Is it gay if you fall for a trap that's doing this level of, like, magic, magic makeup, 1.00

01:12:43.000 magic eye shit? 1.00

01:12:44.240 Is it gay if you... 1.00

01:12:46.040 You were drunk. 1.00

01:12:46.920 You did anal. 0.99

01:12:48.200 And then you find out, not even, like, in person. 0.99

01:12:50.220 You just find out later.

01:12:51.620 Do you feel gay inside of yourself? 0.62

01:12:53.900 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:12:54.380 Technically, you did anal, but she does have a pussy? 1.00

01:12:57.900 You were drunk. 1.00

01:12:58.880 You were very drunk. 1.00

01:12:59.680 But does she have a pussy, though? 1.00

01:13:01.780 No, it's a dude. 1.00

01:13:02.600 She doesn't have a pussy. 1.00

01:13:03.200 Oh, it's a dude? 1.00

01:13:04.580 Yeah, it's a dude. 0.73

01:13:05.420 Yes, I feel very gay. 0.62

01:13:06.600 Yes, absolutely. 0.99

01:13:07.320 Super big gay. 1.00

01:13:08.340 Really good. 0.99

01:13:09.560 Obviously... 0.99

01:13:10.040 This is the big gay. 1.00

01:13:11.500 Obviously, it's gay. 0.98

01:13:12.980 Wasn't there, like, a story at one point about... 0.75

01:13:15.060 Oh, that's not the question. 0.98

01:13:16.420 That's super saiyan gay. 1.00

01:13:17.080 Not the question of is it gay. 0.99

01:13:18.820 It is. 0.99

01:13:19.060 It is gay. 0.99

01:13:20.000 I'm saying, do you feel... 0.95

01:13:21.260 All right, so let's say this.

01:13:22.120 Look, this is the situation.

01:13:23.340 That girl there, you go into, like, the club bathroom, and then boom, you just get it in.

01:13:27.740 You're not even sure what hole you're in.

01:13:29.740 What's he saying? 0.98

01:13:30.640 It's gay to make a dude if he's cute and wears makeup. 1.00

01:13:32.940 Like, that's what Thomas has to do right now. 0.89

01:13:35.280 That's what's going on.

01:13:36.200 Thomas is like, guys, I have a confession to make.

01:13:38.420 Maybe we can ask Mike Cernovich. 0.99

01:13:40.180 I've never been that drunk where I wouldn't have noticed, like, a dick slapping against 1.00

01:13:43.660 the thigh and shit. 1.00

01:13:44.440 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:13:45.060 No, no, no.

01:13:45.480 All right, all right, all right.

01:13:46.200 Picture this.

01:13:46.580 Have you really?

01:13:47.340 I always go to sleep when I get that drunk.

01:13:48.380 Cliff just said I have been that drunk.

01:13:50.100 I haven't slept with a dude.

01:13:52.020 Technically, he doesn't know.

01:13:53.860 He doesn't know.

01:13:54.860 As far as I know, I haven't slept with a dude, but I have absolutely been drunk enough

01:13:58.720 that, like, if there was a really high-level trap, that I could have got trapped.

01:14:03.640 Dude, there's a story.

01:14:04.500 There's, like, a documentary about it where, like, multiple frat boys all did that. 0.97

01:14:09.380 They fucked the same dude who they thought was a chick the whole time, and then they found 1.00

01:14:13.360 out that she was a dude, and they murdered him. 0.99

01:14:15.060 Oh, that's the end of Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.

01:14:18.180 Well, yeah, actually, yeah, that wasn't a documentary.

01:14:21.940 I'm confused, actually. 0.89

01:14:22.440 So I think the real question here is, is it reasonable to murder them afterwards? 0.97

01:14:28.700 Right. 0.97

01:14:29.820 No, no. 0.94

01:14:30.420 Do you feel gay inside? 0.99

01:14:33.140 Like I said, it's a quick, you go in the bathroom, boom, boom, you put in a hole, you don't even 0.99

01:14:37.160 know it's over.

01:14:38.600 You find out the next day, this is a man, but you already did that.

01:14:41.520 Now, in that moment, backtracking in your head, do you still feel gay?

01:14:45.060 Because you fell super straight afterwards, and then leaving, and everything was older.

01:14:49.020 I see what you're saying.

01:14:49.420 It's not necessarily, like, are you gay?

01:14:51.400 It's, like, do you feel like, go looking back on it, and you're like, I still want to 1.00

01:14:55.000 fuck women. 1.00

01:14:55.700 Like, I never want to fuck you. 1.00

01:14:56.780 Well, I need to say something here. 1.00

01:14:58.420 I've done a lot of debaucherous shit in my life. 0.99

01:15:00.160 I have never raw-dogged, analed a stranger in a bathroom. 1.00

01:15:05.320 That is such, like, degenerate behavior. 0.59

01:15:08.980 Even I, Clint, are like, what?

01:15:12.080 That's crazy. 0.88

01:15:12.840 You're finding out you're gay after the fact, though. 0.90

01:15:14.380 What do you mean you never raw-dogged a stranger in a bathroom? 0.95

01:15:18.000 You're finding out you're gay after the fact, though, so it's more like you're post-straight. 0.99

01:15:23.200 Sodomy. 0.90

01:15:24.460 It's kind of like coming out to yourself. 0.94

01:15:26.800 Like, it's like, surprise, you're gay. 0.99

01:15:28.640 Like, I think that's an interesting angle.

01:15:30.420 But I do want to know what would happen if this did happen to you, though, of an actual 0.99

01:15:36.220 girl, and you actually did, like, fuck her, but then she does, like, pull off the makeup. 1.00

01:15:40.880 Like, I guess it would just be, you would just be like, okay, just bad date. 1.00

01:15:44.840 Like, I'm never going to talk to this one again.

01:15:46.700 I'd be like, yo, respect.

01:15:47.420 Here's the truth, though. 1.00

01:15:48.680 If you saw that bitch in person, if you saw that bitch in person, you'd be like, you could 1.00

01:15:52.920 see the makeup is too much. 1.00

01:15:55.140 Oh, you're right. 0.86

01:15:56.280 It's the filter from the phone that's making her look so fucking perfect. 0.92

01:15:59.260 Because I promise you in person, she doesn't look that good. 0.98

01:16:02.420 It's caked on. 1.00

01:16:03.560 Like, it's one of those chicks where you see it, and you're like, that's fucking flaky. 1.00

01:16:06.320 Like, you can take a spoon and fucking... 0.99

01:16:07.700 Yeah, because, like, the light... 0.99

01:16:08.600 Yeah, but there's something about, like, regular skin where, like, the light hits it, and it's 0.88

01:16:11.920 kind of translucent a little bit.

01:16:13.300 But with the makeup, it's just, like, a matte finish.

01:16:15.840 Yeah.

01:16:16.120 And so, like...

01:16:16.860 It absorbs the light.

01:16:17.460 It absorbs the light, so they just look like... 1.00

01:16:19.800 Vampire shit. 1.00

01:16:20.260 I'll also say, this is the primary reason that I always date women that look very natural and, 1.00

01:16:25.060 like, actually don't wear a lot of makeup, because I don't want any of that shit. 0.98

01:16:28.420 I don't want to have to worry about... 0.97

01:16:30.660 Yeah.

01:16:30.820 And I also, I want to be able to...

01:16:31.840 Don't want her to be possibly tranny. 1.00

01:16:32.880 I want to think you're beautiful when you wake up.

01:16:34.380 Like, for real.

01:16:34.900 I don't want to have to lie to you.

01:16:36.140 I agree with Clint 100 years old.

01:16:37.440 I don't want to have to lie to you.

01:16:38.560 It's like...

01:16:39.420 It's like, by the way, I wake up at 6 o'clock.

01:16:41.700 Can you wake up at, like, 4 o'clock? 1.00

01:16:43.320 Get ready so I don't have to see your fucking ugly mug every morning. 1.00

01:16:46.460 You know, this is an ideal situation. 1.00

01:16:48.680 So, you do fuck a girl that has all this makeup on. 1.00

01:16:51.580 I don't even think you're mad at her, because now it changes the dynamic. 1.00

01:16:54.520 Now, like, she knows that she's ugly, and you know she's ugly, but maybe the pussy was good. 1.00

01:16:59.920 So, you'd be like, yo, we could chill. 1.00

01:17:01.580 We're friends now.

01:17:02.700 Like, we're homies.

01:17:03.620 Like, you look like a dude. 1.00

01:17:05.100 We fucked. 1.00

01:17:06.620 We're homies. 1.00

01:17:07.880 Yeah.

01:17:08.620 Once a week, I need you to doll yourself up, and I'm going to do this again.

01:17:12.300 Yeah, I'm going to fire up the Xbox.

01:17:13.680 Why don't you go make me breakfast? 0.99

01:17:14.760 Like, you can tell them to go do shit like that. 0.99

01:17:16.540 We're going to go golfing and go go-karting, and we're going to go paintballing, and then 1.00

01:17:20.480 on Saturday, your ass better be in fucking shape and looking good, right? 0.99

01:17:23.380 You know what makes this even more nefarious about women is that they know they're going 1.00

01:17:28.140 to get caught eventually, but they think that they could trap you with a pussy to catch 1.00

01:17:32.140 some feelings long enough to do whatever. 1.00

01:17:34.560 It's like, that's evil. 1.00

01:17:35.620 That's like cats do that kind of shit. 1.00

01:17:37.380 It's that grip, yeah. 1.00

01:17:38.960 It's either two ways.

01:17:40.380 Either they are thinking they're manipulating like that, or they just don't think 15 seconds

01:17:44.740 ahead of them.

01:17:45.920 Like, that's the other thing.

01:17:46.680 They just don't actually think.

01:17:47.840 And actually, I think I sent that. 1.00

01:17:50.940 Are you saying that women are dumb? 1.00

01:17:53.700 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:54.560 No, it was a Reddit thread, I want to say it was, of a guy talking about how black people

01:18:00.220 are this way.

01:18:01.180 He was like, whenever they say, like, he didn't do nothing, like, whenever that guy, like,

01:18:05.460 actually shot somebody, they were like, no, that's real in their minds.

01:18:08.780 They actually live in only 15 second increments.

01:18:11.820 I got, dude.

01:18:12.440 I have to. 0.98

01:18:12.820 The future black guy is not the same person as the current black guy. 0.99

01:18:17.680 Whoa. 0.98

01:18:17.980 So they actually heard the beep, but they forgot about it immediately.

01:18:24.440 They can't.

01:18:25.040 Oh, that makes sense, too. 0.98

01:18:26.240 Because he was like, whenever the officer says, if you run, I will shoot you.

01:18:30.200 In their mind, the future doesn't exist. 1.00

01:18:32.860 That's a different black guy's problem. 0.98

01:18:35.280 You've made this thesis before. 0.99

01:18:36.220 Just live it in the now, baby. 0.99

01:18:37.380 I just want to point out real quick that Top played the fucking, the smoke detector, and 0.99

01:18:41.480 Raven immediately looked up. 0.99

01:18:44.020 It was good.

01:18:45.200 By the way, that happens.

01:18:46.580 The funny thing is, my dogs do that. 0.88

01:18:48.560 I wonder if my dogs were, like, reincarnated from a black family, or they were a black family,

01:18:52.760 like, reincarnated, because if there is the beep played and they can hear it, they do, like,

01:18:57.360 look around and try to find it. 0.99

01:18:59.000 But that means they're not saying black people come back as dogs when they die, dude. 1.00

01:19:03.000 But that means they're not. 1.00

01:19:04.160 I just said that, didn't I?

01:19:05.620 No, that means they're not black, though, because they can hear it.

01:19:08.940 There might be a correlation.

01:19:10.180 Ancestry.com says I'm 11% black, and my, I removed my smoke detector entirely. 0.99

01:19:16.900 Because rather than put the batteries back in it, I was tired of the chirping, I fucking 0.98

01:19:21.560 took it off. 0.94

01:19:22.640 It's just off.

01:19:23.520 It's on the counter.

01:19:24.860 I took it down entirely.

01:19:26.380 Raven still hears the beep.

01:19:27.620 It's just, he only hears it at 11% volume.

01:19:31.620 The 11% keeps me from changing the battery, but the remaining white percentage of me is 0.79

01:19:36.940 smart enough to do something about it.

01:19:38.740 It's just not quite the right thing.

01:19:40.120 I don't want to ruin this.

01:19:41.600 Like, we can fix the whole black community. 1.00

01:19:43.320 They make smoke detectors you could plug in the wall and just leave there.

01:19:47.120 Like, get an extra outlet and plug it in, and that's that.

01:19:49.700 Wow. 0.99

01:19:49.960 It kind of just seems better than the fucking, the batteries. 0.99

01:19:53.380 I don't know. 0.99

01:19:54.200 Maybe that's the 11%.

01:19:54.900 Well, the funny thing, the whole point of the batteries was that if the power is off,

01:19:59.220 then it continues, like, they're already plugged, you know they're already plugged in, hardwired

01:20:03.400 into the, like, the power, right?

01:20:05.860 Yeah.

01:20:06.040 I didn't even think about that.

01:20:06.480 You know what I really need to know? 1.00

01:20:07.500 Yeah, you fucking dumbass. 1.00

01:20:08.780 Yeah, you get a fire while you have a power on it. 1.00

01:20:11.220 They're all plugged in.

01:20:12.220 It's just the batteries are there in case, like, the power goes off and there's a fire.

01:20:16.520 Yeah.

01:20:16.880 Oh, that's a good point. 1.00

01:20:17.620 You'd be fucked in that case. 0.98

01:20:18.620 Here's something that I just, I don't know why no one has ever thought this and why no 0.98

01:20:22.660 one has done this research, but it's really important that we do this research.

01:20:26.360 What is the fatality rate of, like, domestic residential fires for white families versus

01:20:32.660 I want to say, it's funny, there is, there actually was a meme going around that had the

01:20:36.740 actual rate, and the black, they were wondering why. 0.91

01:20:39.580 Because the black people just don't even react, right? 1.00

01:20:40.860 You don't, you don't know, you don't know this about me, which is surprising, but in college 0.95

01:20:45.640 I majored, I minored in music, and I majored in fire, fire protection and management.

01:20:51.560 So, yes. 0.99

01:20:52.200 No fucking way. 0.99

01:20:53.420 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:20:53.960 Black people are like, they die at, I don't even know, it's double, double the rate of 0.99

01:21:00.020 white people. 0.99

01:21:00.680 Let's say white people, like, uh, wait, 13% of the population and 50% of the people die 0.98

01:21:05.260 in fires.

01:21:05.500 It's honestly, it's that close. 0.99

01:21:08.000 The statistic is that close to fucking, like, like, in comparison to how many white people 0.99

01:21:13.420 die in fires. 0.99

01:21:14.160 Yeah, but Todd, how much of that is because, how much of that is because of black on black 0.99

01:21:18.020 crime, because they're so violent, a bunch of them are committing arson against each 0.98

01:21:21.260 other.

01:21:21.760 They don't commit arson, they haven't figured out fire, Toad.

01:21:24.240 Yeah, they don't, they don't like, yeah, exactly, that's a good point, too, I bet there's 0.85

01:21:28.140 no black arsonists, because they, they're like, I don't want to kill myself, I can't 1.00

01:21:31.480 You know what, very few, in, in my studies, yeah, I know, because again, what I studied 0.91

01:21:35.940 was, like, arson specifically, like, I know how to track, like, if there was a fire in a

01:21:39.860 room, I know what type of fire, depending on, like, how the smoke, it's a crazy thing.

01:21:44.640 But whatever, I think I know the correlation, I honestly do, this isn't even a joke.

01:21:48.000 So, um, if you're a white family, and it's gonna be funny, yeah. 0.90

01:21:51.820 Uh, if you're a white family in a house, and your house burns down, and your smoke alarm

01:21:55.820 goes off, and you get out of the house, and you're safe, right? 0.81

01:21:58.100 If you're a black family, and you don't have a smoke alarm, and your house catches on fire, 0.99

01:22:04.540 your entire project building, filled with a shit ton of other black people, catches on 1.00

01:22:10.340 fire, and they all die. 0.99

01:22:11.660 So I think it's like, they don't own homes, they live in apartments, and they're all stacked

01:22:15.240 on top of one another, so when a fire goes down, it's like, one fire takes out 300 of

01:22:20.120 them, because there's no fire taking out one of them, it's the project phenomenon.

01:22:23.280 And you know what's crazy?

01:22:24.260 The smoke is going up, and nobody hears the beep anyway, so they just like...

01:22:27.280 You know what's also crazy?

01:22:28.300 The Jews were gonna take, they're gonna be like, say that they're oppressed because

01:22:31.740 all their buildings keep catching on fire, and no one knows about it.

01:22:34.780 Guys, you know what's crazy? 0.90

01:22:35.680 Because they're renting these buildings to these white people. 0.76

01:22:37.860 This is important. 1.00

01:22:38.540 Before I was a homeowner, I lived in a project building, and the fucking kids would pull the 1.00

01:22:43.580 smoke alarm all the time. 0.98

01:22:45.200 Me and my wife and my son were one of, like, three families in the entire project building that

01:22:48.980 would actually leave the building and stand outside and wait for the fire department to

01:22:53.220 come and switch.

01:22:53.860 Everybody else would stay inside.

01:22:55.480 I gotta say something.

01:22:57.240 I gotta say something. 0.84

01:22:57.900 This is how you know I'm actually a wigger. 0.58

01:22:59.940 When the alarm... 0.50

01:23:00.560 Because I live in a condo complex, and the alarm will go off, like, once a month just for

01:23:04.500 some...

01:23:04.780 You go back to sleep? 1.00

01:23:05.380 Some bullshit. 1.00

01:23:06.000 I don't give a fuck, dude. 1.00

01:23:06.940 I've never left once. 0.99

01:23:08.200 I've never left once. 1.00

01:23:08.980 All the old people, all the Jewish people are like, ooh, oh fuck, there's a fire. 1.00

01:23:12.580 And I'm like, this is false alarm. 1.00

01:23:13.860 It's a false alarm. 1.00

01:23:14.220 You're black in your heart so I get that fat dick. 1.00

01:23:16.140 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:23:17.020 I'm like, look, if I don't smell smoke, there ain't a problem.

01:23:19.980 That's how I live my life.

01:23:21.960 Yeah, but I was just thinking, I grew up next to the projects, and there were so many people

01:23:26.720 that I knew.

01:23:27.360 I knew a kid in...

01:23:28.800 Two kids in high school that died in a fire.

01:23:31.280 Before I moved to Florida, I knew a little girl who died in a fire.

01:23:34.880 And then the year before that, I knew a little girl that got thrown out the window, and her 0.99

01:23:38.040 dad died in a fire.

01:23:39.200 All black people in the projects. 1.00

01:23:40.780 What the fuck, dude? 1.00

01:23:41.280 And I never put it together. 1.00

01:23:42.160 But she got launched, too. 0.99

01:23:43.180 They have fucking strong arms. 1.00

01:23:44.300 This question was actually really good, because it said, do they drown or do they burn to 1.00

01:23:53.420 death more often? 0.82

01:23:54.300 And I think that the reality is that black people are really up against it.

01:23:58.220 Like, they're fighting an existential battle for all eternity against the elements.

01:24:03.420 Think about that.

01:24:03.900 Yeah, against the elements.

01:24:05.140 Just the elements, period.

01:24:07.220 That tells you that they're not native to Earth, right?

01:24:10.560 Because they've never acclimated the right way.

01:24:12.880 There's something going on.

01:24:13.900 That's a great point.

01:24:14.620 Yeah, hold on one second.

01:24:15.940 This is why they can't figure out how to get their credit right.

01:24:18.180 Dude, they're like the aliens in War of the Worlds.

01:24:21.300 They realize that water kills them. 1.00

01:24:23.100 Holy shit. 1.00

01:24:23.580 I have to tell the story. 0.99

01:24:25.180 Let me tell the story, because I've been waiting to do it.

01:24:27.140 All right, so real quick.

01:24:28.100 I watched, I think it's called, like, The Destruction of Minneapolis.

01:24:31.500 One of my viewers over on Liberty Lockdown told me to watch it.

01:24:35.520 It's about George Floyd.

01:24:36.480 Yeah, it's the whole deep dive about the riots.

01:24:38.500 Oh, I thought you were just talking about whenever they moved in in, like, the 50s.

01:24:41.300 No.

01:24:43.700 So, it's the full body cam from start to finish, all the riots, everything, the trial, everything.

01:24:49.700 It's really interesting.

01:24:50.600 But what I came away concluding was that George Floyd, like, he wasn't even resisting arrest.

01:24:57.480 And I think this actually applies to a lot of black people the more I think about it.

01:25:00.860 He wasn't so much resisting arrest as, like, he's just not smart enough to listen and do the right thing.

01:25:07.320 And, like, his reaction throughout this process, they're like, hey, hey, don't do that.

01:25:13.260 It's like, this may lead to you dying.

01:25:15.500 And he's like, oh, no, Mr. Officer.

01:25:17.460 I shit you not. 0.99

01:25:18.100 This is exactly what he's saying. 1.00

01:25:18.860 He goes, oh, no, Mr. Officer, and he's just flailing his fucking hands. 1.00

01:25:21.880 And they're like, yo, yo, chill out. 0.99

01:25:23.380 And then he's just, like, throwing drugs in his mouth.

01:25:24.880 Oh, no, Mr. Officer.

01:25:26.020 And he just moves faster and faster and faster.

01:25:28.420 And then he gives himself a heart attack just because he can't listen to commands.

01:25:32.740 I'm telling you, it's the future thing.

01:25:36.260 It's like they don't understand, like, the concept of the future actions.

01:25:42.040 They can't bargain with time in the future.

01:25:44.160 It was just like, that is a different, the funny, this, you guys, I think you need to sit in. 0.97

01:25:48.340 Can black people garden? 1.00

01:25:49.760 Do they know how to garden? 1.00

01:25:50.680 I guarantee you they fucking can't grow plants. 1.00

01:25:52.420 They have a term for it. 1.00

01:25:54.780 It's called food deserts because it's where black people live. 1.00

01:25:57.900 Yeah, they were in charge of picking the cotton, not planting the cotton. 0.94

01:26:02.120 Yeah.

01:26:02.260 The thing was so crazy to me because it was just talking about, like, why are they all in debt?

01:26:10.020 Like, why do they all, like, buy, like, go crazy amount in debt to buy, like, chrome rims for their car?

01:26:15.080 Because the debt is not their debt now.

01:26:17.880 It's some future black dude's debt that they don't know. 0.98

01:26:21.060 They don't know that dude.

01:26:21.740 And it was, like, it was also saying, it was, like, it's also, it's not just that they, the guy in the future, they're indifferent to him.

01:26:29.340 They're opposed to the guy in the future.

01:26:31.400 They're fighting against that future guy.

01:26:33.100 So they do as much as they can to hurt that guy even though they don't know him.

01:26:36.120 So it was, like, they live 15 seconds at a time.

01:26:38.080 That's it.

01:26:38.360 That's all I know. 0.84

01:26:39.020 It's, like, whenever, like, the mama says, whenever the mom, whenever the black guy shoots, gets, like, shoots a cop and the mom says, like, he didn't do nothing. 0.92

01:26:48.680 It's, like, he didn't do nothing because he was a different black guy in 15 seconds. 1.00

01:26:53.580 Let me tell you guys another story because this is one I was going to tell last week, but they just completely flopped on me.

01:26:58.560 We ended the episode.

01:26:59.660 So I noticed my chickens, when you guys were over, when Tower Gang was over, I had, like, 40 chickens, mad chickens all running around.

01:27:07.360 Now I got less than half that.

01:27:10.100 You saw it, right, Raven?

01:27:11.000 There was, like, not that many birds in there.

01:27:13.780 Yeah.

01:27:14.120 What I've noticed is that all the chickens and the turkeys specifically, the ones that I still have, are all darker colored.

01:27:20.900 I have one white turkey, and that's it.

01:27:22.960 All the rest of the chickens, all the white chickens, they're all dead.

01:27:26.040 The darker ones have survived. 1.00

01:27:28.880 Holy shit. 1.00

01:27:29.920 This is a chicken nigger. 1.00

01:27:30.780 No, no, no. 1.00

01:27:31.760 The other shit is killing the white turkey. 1.00

01:27:34.940 So there's, like, it's not only, like, predatory shit going on, but it's predatory racism going on in my coop because I'm stuck with all the black chickens. 1.00

01:27:43.300 It's the weirdest thing. 1.00

01:27:44.480 There's a natural animalistic urge to segregation and racism.

01:27:48.800 You ever see that tortoise that only attacks black shoes? 0.79

01:27:52.200 Yeah.

01:27:52.360 So they have a tortoise where they have, like, a bunch of white sneakers, and they've even gone to the extent of laying out, like, a circle of white sneakers.

01:27:59.080 And we're talking upwards of, like, ten different sneakers.

01:28:01.380 They're all white.

01:28:02.420 And then they have one single black pair.

01:28:04.780 And that tortoise will go around, check the white one. 0.94

01:28:07.820 We good.

01:28:08.520 Check the other white one.

01:28:09.600 We good. 1.00

01:28:10.300 As soon as he comes across that black one, he's like, what the fucker? 1.00

01:28:12.660 And he starts, like, headbutting that shit. 1.00

01:28:14.320 I'm like, there's something going on. 1.00

01:28:16.080 I might hold a dog dating my black buddy. 0.98

01:28:17.380 Clint is, like, losing. 1.00

01:28:18.420 He's like, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:28:19.080 This is real. 1.00

01:28:19.580 My sister has a white supremacist dog that she rescued from Arkansas.

01:28:25.120 He's American Eskimo, so the dog is, like, completely white, really white. 0.99

01:28:29.340 And he likes white people, and he hates non-whites. 0.99

01:28:32.600 Like, he'll just get, like, really aggressive and get angry and bark at black guys, Indian guys. 1.00

01:28:36.820 You know, my dog's the same way. 0.97

01:28:38.320 My dog hates Spanish, little Spanish kids. 1.00

01:28:42.740 He came to my house. 0.56

01:28:44.620 It was the craziest thing. 0.75

01:28:45.540 So he hates you.

01:28:46.140 I've never – no, he bit – my dog bit Raven's son.

01:28:50.560 Really?

01:28:51.440 Twice. 1.00

01:28:52.080 Oh, shit out of my kid. 1.00

01:28:53.500 Twice. 1.00

01:28:54.120 Wait, twice?

01:28:54.560 The first time, my son decided –

01:28:56.460 You're going to put him down, dude.

01:28:57.820 Top's dogs are so nice. 0.98

01:28:59.160 What the hell? 0.87

01:28:59.860 What? 0.98

01:29:00.600 My kid was asking for it, right? 0.93

01:29:02.640 Cole immediately sees an opportunity to kill a dog, and he's just like, let's go.

01:29:08.480 He's like, Top, I got a gallon of antifreeze.

01:29:11.880 They're right in my house.

01:29:12.340 I can put them right down right there right now.

01:29:13.640 I help you out. 0.99

01:29:14.780 We get to watch them die. 0.98

01:29:15.660 It's going to be great. 1.00

01:29:16.960 My fucking kid – my kid decided that – because he's very theatrical. 1.00

01:29:20.360 He likes, like, you know, the spotlight. 1.00

01:29:21.800 He's always doing, like, pratfalls and goofy shit. 1.00

01:29:24.100 So he's running through Top's house and basically fucking, like, swanton bombs onto Top's dog. 0.99

01:29:30.100 Yeah, that was bad. 1.00

01:29:30.600 So the dog fucking bites him in the thigh. 1.00

01:29:32.740 Doesn't break the skin, but bites him enough that it's like, oh, shit. 1.00

01:29:35.180 He's got teeth marks in him and everything. 0.99

01:29:37.100 We calm everybody.

01:29:38.300 We – you know. 0.98

01:29:38.980 And then immediately I go back to child neglect, and I stop paying attention after we fucking – 0.95

01:29:42.840 This is so unusual. 1.00

01:29:43.840 This is so unusual to me, like, that my dog would act like this that I was like, oh, shit. 0.99

01:29:48.300 Like, I didn't even know what to do. 0.99

01:29:49.700 I was like, go over here or something.

01:29:51.040 I could have put him in the other house.

01:29:52.400 I didn't even think because this never – this behavior doesn't happen. 0.98

01:29:55.180 It took today for me to be like, we should have fucking, like, moved that dog to another 0.98

01:29:59.480 place. 0.99

01:29:59.940 Should have moved him right away.

01:30:00.640 I was so just – I was having a good time, and I thought, well, lightning doesn't strike

01:30:06.280 twice.

01:30:06.740 It's all good.

01:30:07.720 So basically –

01:30:08.700 I had white silkies.

01:30:09.840 They're all dead, Michaela.

01:30:11.360 All of them. 1.00

01:30:11.860 Those are the ones with the fucking Khabib Nurmagomedov hats, right? 0.98

01:30:14.580 No, they're different ones. 1.00

01:30:15.680 Those are dead. 1.00

01:30:16.160 You couldn't see them because they're fucking dead. 1.00

01:30:18.100 One of them had a hat. 1.00

01:30:20.800 They're fucking dead, man. 1.00

01:30:22.260 Just like my kid who's got gangrene now. 1.00

01:30:24.100 We had to bury him this morning. 0.99

01:30:25.340 But fucking – so later on, my kid is just running through the house, and the dog doesn't 1.00

01:30:31.240 trust him now. 1.00

01:30:32.180 So he takes a fucking – a bite at him again. 1.00

01:30:34.700 This time, it looks like he's been shot in the fucking leg with a .22. 1.00

01:30:37.500 Like, there's a hole in my son's leg. 1.00

01:30:40.360 Like, it was fucking brutal. 0.99

01:30:41.680 Yeah, it was rough as shit. 0.99

01:30:43.660 And then we all just said, hey, dude, it happens. 0.99

01:30:47.120 I got bit by a dog.

01:30:48.160 Top's like, I've been bit by a dog.

01:30:49.300 My wife's like, me too.

01:30:50.240 Top's wife's like, me too. 0.99

01:30:51.160 That everybody's just like – and my kid's like, I don't fucking care. 0.99

01:30:55.580 Like, I'm fucking bleeding out of him, man. 0.98

01:30:57.220 Dude, it happens, dude. 1.00

01:30:58.680 But, yeah, it was fucking – it was fucked up. 1.00

01:31:00.640 Kidder on Rumble – shout out to Rumble chat – says blacks cannot understand time. 1.00

01:31:04.960 They cannot pass the marshmallow test. 0.98

01:31:06.520 I didn't even think about that.

01:31:07.440 I would love to see if they can –

01:31:08.100 What's the marshmallow test?

01:31:09.060 Oh, even I heard about this?

01:31:10.400 No.

01:31:11.120 So the marshmallow test is where they brought in kids, and they gave them a marshmallow,

01:31:15.060 and they said, if you do – we'll be back in five minutes.

01:31:18.540 If you don't eat the marshmallow, we'll give you two marshmallows. 0.99

01:31:20.540 All the black kids failed, yeah. 1.00

01:31:22.340 And the kids would have a hard time. 0.99

01:31:25.200 And the thing was, they wouldn't come back in five minutes.

01:31:27.260 They would wait as long as they could to see until the kids ate the marshmallow. 0.98

01:31:31.820 And it was like – I can't remember the exact outcomes, but I want to say the kids could not fucking do it. 1.00

01:31:36.500 I remember watching that video because the little black kid would just like – he put his hands on his head, and he's just like – he's just like, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:31:42.020 They're just staring at it. 0.99

01:31:43.120 And they'll be like, we'll be right back.

01:31:44.620 Just don't eat it, and we'll give you a second one. 1.00

01:31:47.140 And then he's just like, oh, fuck, and then he just throws it in his mouth right away. 1.00

01:31:50.860 He's like, this is like when my dad said he was coming back. 1.00

01:31:54.120 Oh, so their tendency towards criminality is because they're like inherently high time preference.

01:32:00.300 This is crazy.

01:32:01.740 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:01.900 Holy shit. 1.00

01:32:02.940 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:03.440 Honestly, this is the whole reason that black people and Jewish people are antagonistic. 1.00

01:32:08.340 Jewish people have an incredibly low time preference. 0.99

01:32:11.200 They are willing to delay gratification to the end of time, so much so that they're willing to fucking – 1.00

01:32:15.120 like spend generations just to create a homeland, whereas black people, it's like they can't even fucking wait five minutes for an extra marshmallow. 1.00

01:32:23.820 It's insane. 0.99

01:32:23.840 Let me tell you about the research that I've been doing, okay?

01:32:26.640 I've been looking, and I'm going to butcher this, but the Jews say that they're related to Jesus. 1.00

01:32:31.640 They're not.

01:32:32.700 They're not related to Jesus.

01:32:34.920 From like the line of Abraham, it splits to the line of Joseph. 0.72

01:32:39.300 We need a graphic that says like tops anti-Semitic five minutes or something.

01:32:43.880 No, it's not anti-Semitic.

01:32:44.920 This is Christian and biblical right there in the Bible.

01:32:47.880 Trust me.

01:32:48.220 The Jewish people would call it anti-Semitic.

01:32:49.680 Go ahead. 1.00

01:32:50.200 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:32:51.300 Everybody needs to hear this. 0.99

01:32:52.700 Call it like tops Talmudery or something.

01:32:56.860 So the Bible –

01:32:57.640 That's not bad.

01:32:58.240 Yeah, tops Talmudery. 0.99

01:32:59.440 Abraham has – he has fucking Joseph. 0.98

01:33:03.440 And then – I'm sorry. 0.99

01:33:04.240 Isaac has Joseph and then the other sons.

01:33:06.780 They try to kill Joseph.

01:33:08.020 They send him out.

01:33:09.180 He comes back. 1.00

01:33:10.380 One of his other sons is fucking – Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:33:15.000 Is it Judea? 1.00

01:33:16.220 I don't think it was him.

01:33:17.520 Oh.

01:33:18.180 Judea wasn't that –

01:33:19.140 Judah.

01:33:20.200 Judah.

01:33:20.500 You watched the same video that I watched.

01:33:22.120 You watched that video, right?

01:33:23.640 That breakdown?

01:33:24.340 Yeah, but I already knew this stuff.

01:33:25.720 It's Judah because Judea is a place. 0.89

01:33:27.620 It's Judah and that's where Jews come from, the line of Judah.

01:33:31.200 They don't come from the line –

01:33:32.340 What's up, Mark?

01:33:32.760 They don't come from the line of Christ.

01:33:35.140 They come from the line of Judah.

01:33:36.260 So whenever they say Jesus was a Jew, he was not.

01:33:39.120 These are two separate things. 1.00

01:33:40.020 This whole shit is a lie. 0.99

01:33:41.440 And then that genealogy goes on in a separate way and the line of Judah goes on in a separate way. 1.00

01:33:45.420 Just like the other 11 – the other 10 sons.

01:33:48.720 Important question for you.

01:33:50.060 Like, do you actually believe any of this?

01:33:52.280 Yeah.

01:33:52.660 This is a biblical story with names and you're saying everyone's the offspring of Judah? 0.99

01:33:58.100 Like, what the fuck? 0.98

01:33:58.320 You should – this is why you should believe it or at least look into it because you want to stop World War III. 1.00

01:34:02.920 If you want to stop World War III, you want to stop the Christians from funding the Jews' genocide in this insanity. 0.99

01:34:08.020 And the reason they're so on board with this is because they think – 0.73

01:34:10.680 The Ashkenazis are not actual real Jews. 0.97

01:34:13.400 That was the whole point, right?

01:34:14.200 No, the Ashkenazis are – 1.00

01:34:16.200 They're European refugees. 0.88

01:34:18.220 Yeah.

01:34:19.280 That's a whole different thing.

01:34:20.360 But that's from the line of Judah.

01:34:22.120 No, okay.

01:34:22.500 Split off from there.

01:34:23.440 So if you want to stop World War III, you've got to debunk this like all the way at the bottom, Clint.

01:34:27.840 And that's the bottom of it. 0.99

01:34:29.040 I know, but the way I debunk it is I go, it's a fucking 2,000-year-old tome that says that all of you come from one nigga. 1.00

01:34:35.460 Like, it's ridiculous. 0.99

01:34:36.460 That they're all following – 0.88

01:34:37.380 What's that expression, Clint?

01:34:39.400 Jacob, right?

01:34:40.040 It's like it doesn't matter if you believe it.

01:34:42.200 They believe it.

01:34:43.180 Yeah.

01:34:43.540 Right, right.

01:34:44.380 Well, I can make the argument, but I just – I would prefer not to engage with your 2,000-year-old myth. 0.97

01:34:52.440 It's ridiculous. 0.51

01:34:53.660 Listen, they are engaging you with the myth. 0.94

01:34:56.300 Well, I know. 1.00

01:34:56.800 They're endangering my life with their fucking mythology. 1.00

01:34:59.180 The great myth. 1.00

01:34:59.260 It's very frustrating.

01:35:00.540 And the crazy thing is the myth doesn't even say that.

01:35:02.700 This is all I'm saying.

01:35:03.740 So if you're going by their standards, like your myth doesn't even say that. 0.98

01:35:06.640 Yeah, based off of your own bullshit story, it still doesn't lead to the conclusion that you're trying to sell me. 0.98

01:35:11.660 I get your point. 0.99

01:35:12.640 Correct.

01:35:13.800 Could we hop into shoplifting promo?

01:35:16.520 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:35:17.240 Fucking do that. 0.99

01:35:18.980 And then we'll wrap with 30 seconds versus one hour. 1.00

01:35:21.960 Real quick, I also want to say, Toad, you're a fucking idiot on Malay. 1.00

01:35:25.020 So I just want to put that out there. 1.00

01:35:26.340 Javier Malay, you're a fucking dumbass. 1.00

01:35:29.300 Every one of your takes are wrong. 1.00

01:35:31.240 We can move on.

01:35:32.880 Don't worry about anything else.

01:35:33.640 No, we can move on.

01:35:34.400 I think Toad is right.

01:35:35.540 Mute your mic, Toad.

01:35:36.560 Go ahead. 1.00

01:35:39.320 Oh, this shit. 1.00

01:35:40.220 This was crazy. 1.00

01:35:41.540 I like this.

01:35:42.680 I'm a big fan.

01:35:43.260 Three reasons why you need Alt to draw.

01:35:46.280 Number one, you are Brokey.

01:35:48.560 Number two, cashier forgot to remove tag. 1.00

01:35:51.980 Number three, you are black. 1.00

01:35:54.540 Three reasons why you need Alt to draw. 0.99

01:35:57.320 Number one, you are Brokey.

01:35:59.600 You are Brokey.

01:36:00.460 Number two, cashier forgot to remove tag. 1.00

01:36:03.820 Number three, you are black. 1.00

01:36:05.940 Can you pause? 0.99

01:36:07.120 The funny thing is, they're still at H&M. 0.99

01:36:09.260 The cheapest fucking store there is out there, too. 1.00

01:36:11.780 It's like the cheap-ass store. 1.00

01:36:14.120 It's not about the price. 0.96

01:36:15.320 It's about the thrill.

01:36:16.360 It's about being able to just take.

01:36:17.900 It's the principle of the matter.

01:36:19.380 It's less than $1,000 worth of merchandise and not be prosecuted for it.

01:36:23.180 It's kind of about the price, though, because in most of these cities,

01:36:26.760 you can shoplift up to, like, $99 or something like that.

01:36:30.380 Do you see the light behind you?

01:36:33.220 $900?

01:36:34.120 No.

01:36:34.740 $150.

01:36:35.140 The light behind the sign?

01:36:35.940 Yes.

01:36:36.300 Yeah.

01:36:36.620 I stole it. 0.99

01:36:37.420 I stole it from Walmart, and my daughter almost fucking ratted on me. 1.00

01:36:41.200 I accidentally stole it. 0.98

01:36:42.040 Do it easy.

01:36:42.200 I do it again.

01:36:43.460 Can we all – who wants to admit that they do steal from Walmart whenever they're self-checked out?

01:36:47.520 I know Top has admitted it.

01:36:48.540 We've already gone around the panel.

01:36:49.900 I feel like I'm the only one that doesn't shoplift.

01:36:52.000 You guys are such –

01:36:52.860 Elizabeth has started doing it and started bragging to me about it. 1.00

01:36:57.620 Elizabeth has started to brag. 0.99

01:36:59.180 She'd be like, I found a new way to steal shit at Walmart today. 1.00

01:37:02.700 Let me tell you a way to steal shit. 1.00

01:37:04.420 This is how I did – okay. 1.00

01:37:06.360 This is fucked up. 0.94

01:37:07.220 I took the tag that's in the little slip, and I put it right behind the label for some extension cords I was buying, and it was like a $2 tag, and the extension cord is like $15, and I scanned that four times. 0.99

01:37:21.920 And then I took fucking four extension cords.

01:37:23.700 That's the new scan. 0.98

01:37:24.920 Technically, it didn't steal. 0.72

01:37:25.520 What about the retard that checks your receipt at the door? 1.00

01:37:28.220 They say, Cole, stop. 0.97

01:37:29.820 Oh, have a good day.

01:37:30.740 Okay, bye. 0.99

01:37:32.300 Sometimes they fucking read it like an itemized list, and they start looking through my fucking bag, and I didn't even steal. 0.99

01:37:37.180 I didn't even steal anything, but I started sweating. 0.99

01:37:38.760 Nah, too bad.

01:37:39.420 Even if you get caught, just say, like, oh, you know, my bad.

01:37:43.080 What are they going to do, bro?

01:37:44.340 My bad. 0.99

01:37:45.060 The guy checking is usually retarded, right? 1.00

01:37:47.360 It's like, oh, you just happened to scan all of the $0.99 things, and then the $150 thing you didn't scan.

01:37:53.480 Interesting.

01:37:53.760 It says here that you bought all bananas?

01:37:56.200 It says here that you bought all bananas.

01:37:57.800 You don't have any bananas.

01:38:00.500 Dude, here's the trick, and I did it.

01:38:03.400 You're stealing all Don dish to charge? 1.00

01:38:05.440 My black friend used to do that shit at the supermarket. 1.00

01:38:08.320 She would scan everything bananas. 1.00

01:38:09.960 She would fucking ring it up. 0.99

01:38:11.140 Like, if it was, like, expensive avocados, she'd just be, like, bananas, and then weigh it. 0.99

01:38:15.220 So here's the thing.

01:38:16.560 They cracked down on it because now they have cameras that somehow can detect what you're actually buying.

01:38:22.120 It will say if, like, if you, like, try to sneak something by, it will say, please put whatever it says you snuck into your bag back and actually scan it.

01:38:33.940 It'll be, like, if you took a jug of milk and you have, like, a thing of ham, and you scan the ham and you just take the milk and put it in, it'll be, like, please scan the milk.

01:38:41.700 And then a little alarm goes off, and it goes, black person alert. 0.81

01:38:49.200 Section 8.

01:38:50.500 We have a high-time preference minority.

01:38:53.060 High-time preference minority.

01:38:54.440 Here's the thing, Clint.

01:38:55.240 I could afford to buy this stuff, but it is the thrill of it. 0.98

01:38:58.820 It's, like, I feel like if I'm going into Walmart, it's, like, I'm looking at this shit, and I'm, like, I'm not buying that. 0.96

01:39:03.440 Dude, I don't know if I've told this story before, but when I was in middle school, I realized that, you know, I was poor. 0.94

01:39:09.660 I didn't have any money, like, my family had to have.

01:39:11.880 You were brokey, Clint. 0.94

01:39:12.900 I was brokey, right?

01:39:14.840 So I go to, like, CBS or Thrifty's, I think it was back then, and I would go there with my buddy Eric, and we would, like, have a competition to see how much candy we could steal to get out of the building.

01:39:27.280 And we did that every day after school for an entire semester. 0.95

01:39:30.920 And by the time the summer came around, I had a pillowcase filled to the fucking brim with candy. 0.99

01:39:38.300 I'm not even kidding, a pillowcase. 0.98

01:39:40.500 And then me and Eric.

01:39:41.000 That was me on Halloween.

01:39:42.440 Like, how could you get away with stealing that money?

01:39:44.840 That's not got to do with being poor, either.

01:39:46.680 That's not a thing that you need.

01:39:48.080 It's not sustenance.

01:39:48.920 It's candy, dog.

01:39:49.760 That has nothing to do with, like, having.

01:39:50.300 No, I know.

01:39:50.740 Look, I'm just saying I was poor, and I wanted candy, so then I started.

01:39:54.260 I stole LED lights.

01:39:54.580 Then I got a taste, right? 1.00

01:39:55.820 I got a taste of the fucking thrill, the criminal life. 1.00

01:39:58.420 It's the thrill. 1.00

01:39:58.800 It's the thrill.

01:39:59.300 I was like, let's go. 0.97

01:40:00.080 So then I start to fucking, I'm, like, I'm packing my socks. 0.99

01:40:03.260 I'm packing my fucking, my pants. 0.99

01:40:05.160 I'm putting it in my underwear, because I wore underwear, because I was a kid still. 0.99

01:40:07.940 The candy's going to melt at that point, though.

01:40:09.780 And then, so, so then.

01:40:11.080 It doesn't matter.

01:40:11.600 He didn't even eat the candy, probably.

01:40:13.100 No, he didn't steal it.

01:40:13.960 I stole it.

01:40:14.860 Yo, this is how low-time preference.

01:40:16.380 When he walked out the door, he shook it out and turned back into the pinata.

01:40:19.620 Yeah, no, this is how low-time preference my lifestyle is.

01:40:22.120 I was like, I would, like, I would, uh, I would audit my candy.

01:40:24.780 Raven starts beating.

01:40:25.740 I would, I would be like, I'm going to have one per day, and this is going to last me until next Halloween,

01:40:29.500 right, and then my dad, my dad would try and steal some, but then I'd have an audit list,

01:40:33.040 and I'd go through, and I'd audit my candy.

01:40:34.200 I'd figure out what he stole. 1.00

01:40:35.520 I shit you not. 0.99

01:40:36.500 He had a spreadsheet. 1.00

01:40:36.620 What the fuck? 1.00

01:40:36.920 This nigga had a spreadsheet. 1.00

01:40:38.000 I did. 0.98

01:40:38.680 I did.

01:40:38.980 No, it was it.

01:40:39.540 Jeez, we think he's Raven.

01:40:40.740 He's toad. 1.00

01:40:41.600 What the fuck? 1.00

01:40:42.120 It was a back of a receipt. 1.00

01:40:42.700 Yo, this is how Jewish I am. 0.99

01:40:44.040 It was a back of a receipt, and I used fucking Roman numerals to tally up how much of each 0.99

01:40:47.940 particular candy I had. 0.99

01:40:49.180 Then I'd figure out which one my dad stole, and I'd be like, Charlie, the fuck's my Snickers 0.99

01:40:53.780 up, bro? 0.99

01:40:54.760 That's how you know.

01:40:55.620 That's a white family. 0.64

01:40:59.500 You're not my dad.

01:41:01.160 A Three Musketeers truck crashed on my main avenue, and I was punished, but all my friends 0.98

01:41:06.100 scooped up a bunch, and they brought it to me, and I had a bottom drawer filled with

01:41:10.540 Three Musketeers, and I used it as like bargaining chips with my mom.

01:41:11.920 Three Musketeers, low-tier candy.

01:41:13.420 That's crazy.

01:41:13.740 Terrible candy. 1.00

01:41:14.220 They are fucking free. 1.00

01:41:15.540 Three Musketeers, that's the shit that I would give my stepdad. 1.00

01:41:18.280 I'd be like, Charlie, you eat the Three Musketeers, you don't touch them all fucking good shit. 1.00

01:41:21.640 It's low-tier. 1.00

01:41:22.280 You don't eat the Stepdads. 1.00

01:41:23.420 Stepdads get fucking first-name shit. 1.00

01:41:25.200 Yeah, that's why I called him that. 1.00

01:41:26.740 All right, so let me end the story.

01:41:28.660 End the story.

01:41:29.160 All right. 0.99

01:41:29.300 So Eric and I get into a fucking fight, and he threatens to tell my mom. 1.00

01:41:33.860 I threaten to tell his dad, because he doesn't have a mom, because he's a piece of shit, 1.00

01:41:36.560 obviously, right? 1.00

01:41:37.580 And then we are like, we're walking with our bags of candy to like meat, and we're like

01:41:43.560 thinking about whether or not we're going to like fight each other, but we're like both 0.95

01:41:46.820 blackmailing each other, and I see a fucking sewer on the street, and I go, oh, you think 0.99

01:41:52.940 you're going to tell my mom? 0.99

01:41:53.800 And I throw my candy bag, thousands, thousands of pieces of candy into the sewer.

01:41:58.600 It was such a crazy, crazy moment.

01:42:02.420 After months of hard criminal labor, and I just abandoned it all.

01:42:06.460 This is what I'm going to tell Jesus when I go to heaven, and he's just like, why were

01:42:10.980 you stealing from Walmart so much?

01:42:12.560 That's a sin.

01:42:13.160 I'll be like, they get government assistance.

01:42:15.740 It's just me getting my taxes back.

01:42:17.140 And I'll tell you, what you do, what you can do if you want to steal from and beat the cameras,

01:42:22.600 just find if you can get something in bulk and then something in a single package, same

01:42:26.760 item.

01:42:27.880 Then you put the item that's single under the bulk item, and you scan it.

01:42:31.580 So it still sees what you're, like, so like, I did it with, I had these Quest protein chips.

01:42:36.800 They're expensive as hell, they're very good, and they have like a crazy amount of protein

01:42:39.320 in it.

01:42:39.940 But they sell it single, and they sell it in the bulk.

01:42:42.260 The bulk is like, it's like $40 for a package of four.

01:42:45.680 But like, the single one is, you know, like, I don't know, six bucks.

01:42:48.820 And so I'd just be like, boop.

01:42:50.120 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:42:52.100 I don't know the exact number.

01:42:53.900 That math does not work out.

01:42:55.020 I don't know the exact number.

01:42:56.340 It's got to be one for 12.

01:42:57.180 It's got to be one for 12 or 14 or 15.

01:42:58.800 Okay, whatever.

01:42:59.560 Whatever it is, it's, you know, it's three and a half times the amount.

01:43:03.020 I just, I just put it under there, boop.

01:43:04.740 And so it sees Quest protein chips, and then like the little camera sees it, and just,

01:43:09.500 you just, I paid for one, but I got four.

01:43:11.560 I got five.

01:43:11.860 Graven, did you see my new Christmas tree?

01:43:13.340 Yeah, I get it.

01:43:13.520 The one that I had up?

01:43:15.020 Almost full of the Christmas tree when you came to my house.

01:43:17.980 I got two of them. 1.00

01:43:18.720 So you have two fucking Christmas trees. 1.00

01:43:20.160 Two Christmas trees. 1.00

01:43:20.840 We're doing Christmas in this motherfucker. 1.00

01:43:22.120 Like, almost all those ornaments on the nice tree, stolen. 1.00

01:43:27.200 Stolen.

01:43:27.600 I was, I was, what was that?

01:43:29.920 I'm doing it wrong.

01:43:30.420 I said Bogo Santa, but I won't get one.

01:43:32.340 Sorry, go ahead. 0.88

01:43:32.740 Yeah, I was just going boop, and just like fucking stealing seven, scan another one. 0.94

01:43:36.800 I'm paying for ornaments? 0.97

01:43:37.920 What do you mean?

01:43:38.700 These things are $3.

01:43:39.660 It's crazy. 1.00

01:43:40.940 I guess I need to be stealing more shit. 1.00

01:43:42.620 I'm fucking up. 1.00

01:43:43.440 I don't have a Christmas tree up, and my house is significantly smaller than Topson. 1.00

01:43:47.020 It's clear that he's been stealing shit this whole fucking time, and that's why he's 1.00

01:43:50.060 doing so well. 1.00

01:43:50.720 She'll buy clothes for Aiden, and then like, scan like, like one, and put like five, like

01:43:56.480 in there. 1.00

01:43:56.860 She'll be like, you're fucking stealing. 1.00

01:43:58.360 Are you all doing all right financially? 1.00

01:43:59.760 Why are you guys all about that?

01:44:00.420 Yeah, no, it's a thrill.

01:44:01.880 I'm telling you.

01:44:02.580 It's just the...

01:44:03.260 Do it, Clint.

01:44:03.880 Do it. 0.99

01:44:04.380 Also, Clint, inflation is a motherfucker right now, man. 0.99

01:44:07.420 I'll be honest with you. 0.99

01:44:08.340 Whenever I'm at the grocery store, and I spend $150 for one week worth of fucking food for 0.99

01:44:13.340 one person, I think about stealing, but I don't. 0.99

01:44:17.520 But I don't.

01:44:18.460 Cole and Liz are not like going around murdering people.

01:44:21.880 They're going around stealing everything.

01:44:23.360 So they're natural born stealers.

01:44:24.740 I'm getting back...

01:44:25.980 Okay, I'm just going back to pre-Biden America, pre-Trump America, to the prices of then.

01:44:30.760 I'm just kidding.

01:44:31.300 I'm beating inflation.

01:44:33.180 I'm even in the scales.

01:44:33.780 You know that the theft leads to price rises, right?

01:44:38.420 No, the inflation does. 1.00

01:44:39.640 Motherfucker. 1.00

01:44:40.800 No, that's why they work things out. 1.00

01:44:43.680 I'll just steal more.

01:44:44.920 I will steal more until we're at equilibrium, until we all just come back to the normal levels.

01:44:49.940 Clint is corrupting.

01:44:51.100 I'm paying for your theft. 0.58

01:44:52.900 I am fixing the economy.

01:44:54.560 You're reducing the supply, and I understand all of that.

01:44:57.640 I don't think I've ever stolen anything in my life.

01:45:00.140 Jose, this is a great point. 1.00

01:45:01.820 Fuck single mothers. 1.00

01:45:02.540 Literally, you should take their sexual because they get government assistance, so you can 1.00

01:45:07.080 just take whatever you want from them. 0.98

01:45:08.700 They actually had programs for that, where they were sterilizing black women if they would... 1.00

01:45:12.880 Did you see today that someone...

01:45:14.840 Isn't that what Planned Parenthood does? 0.99

01:45:16.960 A chick had a viral tweet that said that white people were eating black people. 0.99

01:45:21.780 Yeah. 0.93

01:45:22.140 I don't think that's true.

01:45:23.600 Big if true.

01:45:25.400 I was going to think it was like, we was food.

01:45:27.920 That's all I could think about.

01:45:30.940 We was foods.

01:45:31.920 We was foods. 0.99

01:45:35.160 Black people would be more delicious than white people to eat, though. 1.00

01:45:38.160 Dude, they... 1.00

01:45:38.520 Like, if I had to eat some hard meat, it's always better, dude. 1.00

01:45:40.400 But why do they make this shit up? 0.99

01:45:41.940 Also, they bred in that extra muscle on their legs so that they would just... 1.00

01:45:45.620 And they would...

01:45:45.760 We could get more meat out of them.

01:45:46.400 They already, like...

01:45:47.100 They're seasoned with coconut, like, so, like, they fry nice, like...

01:45:50.280 And they don't have hair.

01:45:51.520 Cocoa butter.

01:45:52.760 And all the oil that seeps in through the products.

01:45:55.520 It makes them real tender.

01:45:56.040 Oh, you're right.

01:45:56.460 Yeah, they have the oil.

01:45:57.200 One more takeaway I had from that, the battle for Minneapolis.

01:46:01.520 George Floyd.

01:46:03.240 Drug addict for decades.

01:46:04.640 Has heart disease.

01:46:05.880 Shredded. 0.96

01:46:06.660 Great, great body.

01:46:08.280 What? 0.98

01:46:08.840 Black people, black men in particular... 1.00

01:46:10.600 Like, black women are disgusting, right? 1.00

01:46:12.760 I've been working out. 1.00

01:46:13.700 They're all fat. 1.00

01:46:14.160 Even attractive black women? 1.00

01:46:15.540 Fat. 1.00

01:46:16.420 Black men? 1.00

01:46:17.560 Well, what the fuck? 1.00

01:46:18.700 They don't have to do anything. 1.00

01:46:19.560 They're just shredded.

01:46:20.540 I've been working out for a year and a half.

01:46:22.720 I have now reached the level of a black... 0.96

01:46:25.280 An average black man that has never darkened the door of a gym. 0.99

01:46:28.300 Yep.

01:46:28.520 That's my physique now.

01:46:29.620 It's just that.

01:46:30.420 Maybe a guy did a couple of push-ups. 1.00

01:46:33.640 That's what a black man does a couple. 0.97

01:46:34.420 In high school. 0.91

01:46:35.160 When he was a starting running back for the high school team.

01:46:37.820 And ran for 1,500 yards and 18 times.

01:46:39.580 It's like they have their entire, like, lineage.

01:46:43.000 Their forefathers.

01:46:43.900 They all just worked constantly, so they don't have to do anything physically.

01:46:48.020 Their forefathers and none of them knew.

01:46:51.440 When you guys watch UFC, do you...

01:46:53.740 I find myself... 0.99

01:46:54.640 And this is fucked up, because I know I'm racist. 0.98

01:46:56.440 But when you watch UFC, do you find yourself... 0.99

01:46:58.180 Do you find yourself rooting for the white guy?

01:47:00.260 Like, let's say it's two unknowns on the underdog. 1.00

01:47:01.980 Every goddamn time. 0.99

01:47:02.760 Yeah, every time. 1.00

01:47:03.620 No, I'll be honest.

01:47:04.420 They're really cool. 1.00

01:47:05.420 Unless it's those stupid fucking Dagestani motherfuckers. 1.00

01:47:08.220 Fuck them. 1.00

01:47:08.540 Yeah, I don't like those dudes, because they look like fucking Neanderthals. 1.00

01:47:10.940 And they have little tiny foreheads. 1.00

01:47:12.200 But I used to... 0.92

01:47:13.040 Like, if the black guy's cool enough, that's how you weigh black people, is their cool factor.

01:47:17.360 So, like, Israel Adesanya, before he started painting his nails, I was rooting for him. 1.00

01:47:21.240 As soon as he started painting his nails, I was like, kill that fucking faggot, right? 1.00

01:47:23.600 Doesn't he look... 1.00

01:47:23.980 Francis Ngannou? 1.00

01:47:25.700 Adesanya, fuck yeah. 1.00

01:47:26.660 There's something weird there. 0.99

01:47:27.680 Well, I used to like him when he was first doing the thing.

01:47:29.780 But Francis Ngannou, I just think he's cool.

01:47:32.540 I think he's a cool dude, because he's kind of...

01:47:34.900 He's humble, right? 0.99

01:47:35.780 He's not, like, fucking, you know, super loud with his music and shit. 1.00

01:47:39.040 Kevin Holland. 1.00

01:47:39.480 He has no reason to be humble.

01:47:40.820 He has no reason to be humble. 1.00

01:47:41.660 If I had the punching capacity of Francis Ngannou, I would be such an insufferable cunt of a human being. 0.99

01:47:49.040 You can lose the other piece that you want. 0.99

01:47:51.220 No one's going to stop you.

01:47:52.360 You can just walk around.

01:47:53.180 You can just walk around.

01:47:54.740 Like, honest to God, if Francis Ngannou had a felony worn out for his arrest,

01:47:59.080 Kimbo Slice, there's nothing you could do to stop him unless you had, like, a nuclear weapon.

01:48:03.240 Like, he could just run through entire police precincts by himself.

01:48:07.220 It'd be amazing.

01:48:08.080 He's a real-life guerrilla.

01:48:08.640 I used to root hard for Kimbo Slice. 1.00

01:48:10.400 Kimbo Slice is the fucking man. 1.00

01:48:12.220 I was actually devastated when that dude died. 1.00

01:48:15.180 And he did not abandon his kid.

01:48:17.080 He did drag him into physical combat and, you know, a bunch of weird situations. 1.00

01:48:21.900 But Kimbo Slice was the fucking shit. 0.99

01:48:23.740 And then not only was he an awesome fighter, but he was, like, salt of the earth, solid dude. 1.00

01:48:28.140 The black community actually lost one of the few good ones when Kimbo Slice passed away.

01:48:31.460 This is why Sean Strickland is so popular. 0.98

01:48:36.360 He died of, like, a heart attack shortly after fighting fucking Dada 3000 or Dada 5000. 0.99

01:48:43.940 It was a terrible fight. 0.99

01:48:45.500 A miserable performance on both sides.

01:48:47.520 The dude has so much muscle.

01:48:50.780 And, like, you see how fast he gassed out. 0.99

01:48:52.400 Like, his heart must have been really fucking pumping. 0.98

01:48:54.020 And he's, like, a great Dane. 0.99

01:48:55.100 Like, he just was not long for this world.

01:48:56.840 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:48:57.220 He's, like, a big fucking dude. 0.99

01:48:58.640 But I genuinely love that dude. 0.99

01:49:00.300 I used to watch his street fight videos.

01:49:01.680 Dude, that YouTube era was so sick.

01:49:03.560 I remember, like, I can vividly remember the first time I find these fights.

01:49:07.680 And it's the other dude, Masvidal.

01:49:10.700 And they're, like, they're fighting in backyards.

01:49:13.160 And, like, there was that one video that people said that his eye got knocked out.

01:49:16.500 But then you're, like, trying to...

01:49:17.500 It kind of did.

01:49:18.020 But it did it, though?

01:49:18.720 It kind of did, dude.

01:49:19.280 It was popped, yeah. 0.99

01:49:20.100 It was fucking disgusting. 0.99

01:49:21.340 Like, it was swollen. 0.99

01:49:22.380 But his eye was still protruding.

01:49:24.140 Which tells you it was way out of the socket and on top of the swelling.

01:49:27.080 The socket was broken or something, I think. 0.89

01:49:29.180 Black people do. 0.98

01:49:30.000 You ever seen the black people that put their eyes out like that? 1.00

01:49:32.400 Like, they got... 0.96

01:49:32.760 It might just have been a natural thing.

01:49:34.460 He might have just been showing out then.

01:49:35.920 Dude, there was a woman on, like, the Guinness World Record show or something who did that. 0.99

01:49:39.460 Like, I can bug my eyes out.

01:49:40.760 There was that famous black lady that would just do it on command. 1.00

01:49:43.520 Yeah, that was her, yeah.

01:49:45.080 Yeah, that was her.

01:49:45.640 Yeah, I couldn't stand her. 1.00

01:49:46.420 Is it Yoel Romero that they said that he has, like, his muscles in his eye were, like... 1.00

01:49:51.520 Fuck you, Jesus! 1.00

01:49:54.100 Yoel Romero's the one that they said, like, the muscles in his eye were, like... 1.00

01:49:57.180 They said everything.

01:49:58.080 Everything about him.

01:49:58.940 Like, the doctors tested him.

01:50:00.480 It was, like, crazy strong.

01:50:01.480 Like, stronger than anybody else, ever.

01:50:03.160 His skin is invincible.

01:50:03.520 His skin is invincible. 1.00

01:50:05.300 It was harder to even get through his skin with a fucking needle. 1.00

01:50:09.100 That's, like... 0.99

01:50:09.500 But this dude was made in a test tube in Cuba somewhere.

01:50:11.760 They were doing some... 1.00

01:50:12.520 Dude, it's crazy shit. 0.99

01:50:12.800 I don't know how old he was. 0.99

01:50:14.780 I think he was, like, Castro's last, like...

01:50:16.880 He's still fighting!

01:50:18.440 Yeah.

01:50:19.360 He should be.

01:50:20.140 He's built for that.

01:50:21.400 He's built for nothing else. 1.00

01:50:22.840 He says, fuck you, Jesus, after every fight. 1.00

01:50:24.800 Apparently, he's got... 1.00

01:50:26.080 He would have smashed Cocktober. 1.00

01:50:28.620 No, he actually said, don't forget Jesus.

01:50:32.240 And everybody was, like, forget Jesus?

01:50:34.000 What the...

01:50:34.260 And he's, like, don't forget Jesus.

01:50:35.700 But his accent is so... 1.00

01:50:36.740 But then he also said, thank you, Jesus, but it sounded like, fuck you, Jesus. 1.00

01:50:39.360 I love it. 1.00

01:50:40.040 It was, like, beating people's asses and laying pipe was his shit. 1.00

01:50:44.400 Like, he had a fat dick and he's got no neck at all. 1.00

01:50:46.800 It's just a head on top of fucking shoulders. 1.00

01:50:48.800 Like, that dude. 0.99

01:50:49.500 And I would root for him, too, because he's cool.

01:50:51.340 His shoulders connect to his earlobes. 0.95

01:50:53.460 It's fucking awesome. 0.99

01:50:53.900 You know who I really fucking hate? 0.99

01:50:55.640 Kamaru Usman. 0.98

01:50:56.600 And he's probably a nice guy. 0.99

01:50:58.140 But whenever I see him, I'm like, fucking... 0.99

01:51:00.180 Leon Edwards knocked him out. 0.99

01:51:01.660 And I was like, yeah. 1.00

01:51:02.780 Then I was like, oh, shit. 1.00

01:51:03.780 Wait, both black guys. 1.00

01:51:05.120 But still, it's like... 0.85

01:51:06.660 What do I do?

01:51:07.220 Something about that guy.

01:51:08.500 Tode, you're the better.

01:51:10.420 And I've always heard, you always...

01:51:11.880 You bet... 0.94

01:51:12.560 Okay, so if a white guy's facing a black guy, you bet on the black guy. 0.93

01:51:16.960 Yeah, typically.

01:51:18.080 Unless it's Dagestani, then you want to be on him.

01:51:20.120 But also, if the black guy is facing an Asian, don't you bet on the Asian? 1.00

01:51:23.900 Isn't that what the whole thing was?

01:51:25.360 No.

01:51:25.660 Or there was something about how the Asians get in there. 0.94

01:51:27.360 Because black people are afraid of Kung Fu because of their admiration for Wu-Tang. 0.99

01:51:32.300 There was something about that.

01:51:33.940 There was like this triangle of like...

01:51:35.940 Green zombies have been destroyed recently.

01:51:38.020 Black, white, you bet on black. 1.00

01:51:39.540 Black, Asian, you bet on Asian. 1.00

01:51:40.800 Asian, white, you bet on white. 1.00

01:51:42.500 It was like this kind of thing that kind of like...

01:51:43.820 I would never bet on Asian, dude. 1.00

01:51:45.300 In my experience, though...

01:51:46.140 I think you're thinking of roulette.

01:51:47.580 What about green zombie, man? 1.00

01:51:49.300 White people whip ass in MMA. 1.00

01:51:51.660 They whip black people's ass all the time in MMA. 1.00

01:51:53.980 Like, black people haven't figured that sport out yet. 1.00

01:51:56.940 Yeah, it's boxing where things are different. 0.82

01:51:59.260 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:51:59.760 But white people in MMA, they fuck up some black people almost... 1.00

01:52:03.020 Sean Strickland fucked up Adesanya, man. 1.00

01:52:05.520 He fucked him up. 1.00

01:52:06.380 Yeah, boxing the black dudes dominate. 1.00

01:52:07.960 That was one of the biggest upsets in a title fight ever.

01:52:11.280 That's the thing that I think I like most about UFC.

01:52:13.620 And let me disclaim.

01:52:14.780 I actually don't root for white fighters. 0.91

01:52:16.620 When I was younger, I used to...

01:52:18.720 That's too bad.

01:52:20.560 I used to...

01:52:21.240 When I would watch the NBA, I would obviously...

01:52:23.280 I remember White Chocolate, Jason Williams.

01:52:25.140 He played for the Kings.

01:52:26.040 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:52:26.600 Fucking ball handler out of this world. 0.99

01:52:28.520 And I was like, this dude is my guy. 0.99

01:52:30.040 Even though he played for the Kings, which is Lakers' arch nemesis.

01:52:32.720 Anyways, so when I was younger, because I was trying to put myself in those shoes,

01:52:38.820 because I was trying to get in the league. 0.98

01:52:40.640 I was like, I'm going to fucking play. 0.99

01:52:41.680 But I was 5'4", 97 pounds. 0.99

01:52:43.140 I was like, that ain't happening.

01:52:43.580 You're making it in the league, Dad.

01:52:44.780 Yeah.

01:52:45.160 Why?

01:52:45.520 So I would root for the white guy.

01:52:47.200 But then once I got older and Kobe became my favorite player,

01:52:50.260 most of the fighters I love are black.

01:52:52.140 I love Adesanya, even to this day, even though everybody hates on him.

01:52:55.400 So I don't feel that way.

01:52:56.460 But I will say this.

01:52:57.580 What makes the UFC the best sport in the world 0.99

01:52:59.680 is that white dudes can still fucking actually compete. 0.97

01:53:02.840 And it's just fun to see all the variety. 0.98

01:53:05.420 This is why I love baseball, because it's a thinking game. 0.99

01:53:08.380 And again, it's fucked up. 0.99

01:53:09.800 But in baseball, if you see black people, 0.99

01:53:11.940 generally, they're going to be in the outfield, 0.91

01:53:13.740 and they might hit like 3, 4, 5.

01:53:16.480 You know, they're going to give you that. 1.00

01:53:17.240 Yeah, it's like this motherfucker can run and hit. 1.00

01:53:20.120 Yeah, but they're never pitchers. 0.99

01:53:21.860 They're never people who are technicians of the game.

01:53:24.640 What are you talking about?

01:53:25.540 Some of the best pitchers ever have been black dudes.

01:53:27.560 A couple.

01:53:28.340 A couple of them.

01:53:29.360 Mario and Rivera.

01:53:30.160 The majority.

01:53:31.240 He's not black. 0.99

01:53:33.380 He's black. 0.86

01:53:34.600 He's not black. 0.99

01:53:35.000 He's black. 0.94

01:53:35.620 Okay, come on. 1.00

01:53:36.840 But Panamanians are black now, you fucking ignoramus. 1.00

01:53:40.280 Wait, there's a difference. 1.00

01:53:41.360 Rivera was Panamanian.

01:53:42.500 I thought he was Dominican now.

01:53:43.720 Can you think of one black pitcher?

01:53:46.400 One black pitcher besides Doc Gooden.

01:53:48.240 Or all this Chapman.

01:53:49.660 He's not black. 0.99

01:53:50.380 He's Spanish.

01:53:51.260 He's Cuban. 1.00

01:53:52.280 What the fuck? 1.00

01:53:53.360 He looks black as hell. 1.00

01:53:55.700 Find an African pitcher. 1.00

01:53:56.960 This is how you know Cole's a real racist. 0.95

01:53:59.920 I see white and I see not white. 0.98

01:54:04.040 That's what I see.

01:54:04.980 Dude, the best one was Doc Ellis, man.

01:54:08.760 The dude who threw a no hit or high on LSD.

01:54:11.260 Dude, this is how good white people are. 0.78

01:54:13.200 This is how superior and intelligent white people are. 1.00

01:54:16.360 There was a dude named Abbott who fucking pitched with one hand. 1.00

01:54:19.480 One hand. 0.99

01:54:20.280 Jim Abbott. 0.99

01:54:20.860 He would swap the glove over to field after every motherfucking pitch. 1.00

01:54:26.060 Can you imagine a black man doing that? 1.00

01:54:27.540 Not in your life. 1.00

01:54:29.620 He would literally pitch with it pinned underneath his fucking chicken wing. 1.00

01:54:34.340 And then he'd swap it after he would pitch. 0.99

01:54:36.220 And he threw a no hitter. 0.99

01:54:38.640 Do you know how fucking crazy that is? 0.98

01:54:40.180 Incredible, man. 0.98

01:54:41.200 The best pitcher to ever pitch.

01:54:42.640 And I bet him.

01:54:43.180 This is true. 0.96

01:54:44.120 That's why Bob Gibson is a black pitcher.

01:54:46.760 White guy.

01:54:47.140 Bob Gibson.

01:54:47.420 So we named three.

01:54:49.120 Bob Gibson's white.

01:54:51.100 No. 1.00

01:54:52.200 I'm just making shit up. 0.99

01:54:52.940 Go ahead. 0.99

01:54:53.220 Cici Sabathia.

01:54:55.620 I forgot. 0.67

01:54:55.880 Yeah, he's black. 0.87

01:54:56.640 Cici's black. 0.63

01:54:57.320 Yeah.

01:54:57.440 Okay.

01:54:57.640 So you see what I mean?

01:54:58.680 Literally, on one hand, we can count them.

01:55:00.300 Yeah.

01:55:00.500 I'm looking it up.

01:55:01.400 It's like it goes Bob Gibson, Cici Sabathia, and then Don Newcomb.

01:55:05.120 Like it's like it goes.

01:55:06.840 Dwight Gooden.

01:55:07.580 Dwight Gooden.

01:55:08.320 Yeah.

01:55:08.460 That's what I said.

01:55:08.960 We already mentioned him.

01:55:09.440 Yeah.

01:55:09.580 Clint mentioned him.

01:55:10.340 Yeah.

01:55:11.160 Vita Blue.

01:55:12.300 I don't know.

01:55:12.740 Like it gets really down to like, you're right.

01:55:14.420 You're right.

01:55:14.900 I didn't think.

01:55:15.180 Yeah.

01:55:15.360 Vita Blue.

01:55:16.020 There's no black pitchers.

01:55:18.100 The best pitcher in my opinion, Greg Maddox.

01:55:21.460 White guy topped out at like 80 miles an hour. 0.99

01:55:24.040 But he was a fucking technician. 1.00

01:55:25.860 Wizard. 1.00

01:55:26.240 He threw the pitch on like the right lower outside hand corner and then like a curveball in.

01:55:31.520 And exactly where it's got to be. 1.00

01:55:32.620 Whenever that fucking wasn't the 95 World Series, whenever that fucking bastard umpire 1.00

01:55:38.760 kept calling his that terrible. 1.00

01:55:40.980 It was game four, I want to say.

01:55:42.220 Broke Cole's heart, man. 1.00

01:55:43.620 Dude, that motherfucker. 1.00

01:55:44.920 Weren't you like one year old? 1.00

01:55:46.440 I wasn't born yet, but that motherfucker. 1.00

01:55:48.000 Cole wasn't even alive. 1.00

01:55:49.560 You know, look, you don't have to actually watch the UFC to know that white people are

01:55:55.000 going to dominate in a lot of respects, right?

01:55:56.980 All you have to do is look at YouTube videos of fight videos and listen for.

01:56:02.620 Who are the people that are yelling things like, hey, no kicking.

01:56:06.600 Hey, no grappling.

01:56:07.980 No choking.

01:56:08.820 That's not fair.

01:56:09.380 Get off the ground. 0.99

01:56:10.280 None of that ground shit. 1.00

01:56:11.320 It's always black people. 1.00

01:56:12.420 Black people are always mad when you stop throwing hands and you start throwing kicks or you start 1.00

01:56:16.560 grappling or you start taking people down or you start, you know, doing chokes and things 0.99

01:56:20.300 of that nature. 0.99

01:56:20.640 Remember Rampage Jackson when he'd be like, oh, this motherfucker just, he just humped me 0.99

01:56:23.720 for three rounds. 0.99

01:56:24.600 That's not, that's not a win as far as, but he would like lose over and over again because

01:56:28.880 he couldn't wrestle.

01:56:30.040 They're just hardwired.

01:56:31.140 They only throw hands.

01:56:32.620 Who is the heavyweight that just says, just jujitsu, just stand up?

01:56:36.520 I think it's actually kind of true.

01:56:37.680 Oh, it's jujitsu, just stand up.

01:56:39.300 Derek Lewis.

01:56:40.160 He'd be like.

01:56:40.540 Derek Lewis, I love it, man. 0.99

01:56:41.700 My balls are hot. 0.99

01:56:42.240 I respect it. 0.99

01:56:42.980 I love Lewis.

01:56:43.660 I respect it.

01:56:44.480 I know, but he'd be like, just stand up.

01:56:47.200 Jujitsu isn't real.

01:56:48.240 Just stand up. 0.91

01:56:48.800 But he also calls himself the black beast.

01:56:51.200 You ever seen that video? 0.99

01:56:52.300 You ever seen the video of the white dude?

01:56:53.680 They're playing basketball with the black dude and they get into it and the white dude like

01:56:57.740 gets him into a knee bar and the black guy has no clue what's going on. 0.75

01:57:01.860 He's like, they start, they start like this and it ends up like miss a punch. 0.96

01:57:05.380 White dude grabs him, boom, into a knee bar. 0.97

01:57:07.300 And the black dude's struggling and trying to punch him. 0.99

01:57:09.400 And he said, listen, I got you in a position where you can never walk again. 0.97

01:57:12.860 Like, are you going to stop? 0.95

01:57:14.720 And the black guy still doesn't understand that this dude has his name. 1.00

01:57:17.640 I don't give a fuck about that future nigga. 1.00

01:57:20.180 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

01:57:22.240 Fuck that dude. 1.00

01:57:23.140 Fuck that future nigga in his knee. 1.00

01:57:26.720 That's a new one. 1.00

01:57:28.000 I'll throw a hand. 0.99

01:57:28.680 I guess that future motherfucker is going to need some crutches because I'm fine right now. 0.99

01:57:31.680 Yeah, next week on the wide world of sports racism. 0.99

01:57:36.120 Next week.

01:57:37.380 Oh my God.

01:57:38.240 That's so true. 1.00

01:57:39.740 Fuck that future nigga. 1.00

01:57:40.960 I wish that could be the name of this episode for you guys. 1.00

01:57:43.860 Fuck that future nigga. 1.00

01:57:45.120 What is it? 1.00

01:57:45.880 Oh, yeah, we can't do that.

01:57:46.580 Oh, that's so great.

01:57:47.620 No, you can't do that.

01:57:48.300 Oh my God.

01:57:49.000 Unfortunately, we cannot.

01:57:50.620 Oh my God.

01:57:51.600 You want to do Nunchuck Kid and get out of here? 0.97

01:57:54.280 Yeah, let's do Nunchuck Kid. 1.00

01:57:55.000 Yeah, yeah, fuck it. 1.00

01:57:55.640 Do Nunchuck Kid. 1.00

01:57:56.860 Honestly, that was a good spot to leave it right there.

01:57:59.660 I know.

01:58:00.120 If you would have ended it, I feel like.

01:58:00.940 But let's do Nunchuck Kid. 1.00

01:58:01.940 Let's fucking bomb. 1.00

01:58:03.340 And then leave Awkward. 1.00

01:58:05.040 You ready, Toad?

01:58:06.060 This is on you.

01:58:06.640 We're counting on you.

01:58:07.780 Yeah, we can just play it as kind of an outro.

01:58:10.060 Also, while he's doing this, Thanksgiving tomorrow,

01:58:13.560 everybody thankful for anything?

01:58:14.860 Oh, yeah, good idea, yeah.

01:58:16.420 Just real quick.

01:58:17.740 I don't care if we can go along for Toad still being alive, man.

01:58:20.400 This is really Jose's thing, and I'm glad Jose's not here

01:58:23.060 because he's the one out of the group to get real sentimental about like,

01:58:26.440 you know, guys, I really appreciate this.

01:58:28.320 My wife's family died all in.

01:58:30.180 Thank you.

01:58:31.180 Listen, I'm thankful that we were able to be graced 0.99

01:58:35.960 with Raven's scrumdilly-umptious cock. 0.99

01:58:39.300 There you go. 0.99

01:58:40.060 Facts.

01:58:40.880 I'm thankful for that, too.

01:58:42.400 I am thankful.

01:58:43.140 I'm thankful for all of you guys. 0.99

01:58:44.300 You all kind of retarded. 1.00

01:58:46.400 I'm thankful I missed that dog-ass show last week. 0.99

01:58:52.560 The first hour of Miles did tell some funny stories, 0.94

01:58:55.660 but here's the truth.

01:58:57.160 If you're not one of us, 0.99

01:58:58.740 this show just doesn't fucking work, man. 0.98

01:59:00.740 And Raven is clearly one of us. 0.99

01:59:02.560 I felt like this was a good episode.

01:59:03.340 From the outside,

01:59:04.480 it was,

01:59:05.060 I liked my, 1.00

01:59:05.820 I just love the fucking Taliban shit. 1.00

01:59:07.580 Like, 1.00

01:59:07.720 I hope you guys get the fucking Taliban shit. 1.00

01:59:09.060 I love the stories. 1.00

01:59:09.800 I love the stories.

01:59:10.740 I love him, yeah.

01:59:12.360 He's got,

01:59:12.760 it was,

01:59:13.020 it was like a series of very funny stories,

01:59:15.060 but like,

01:59:15.400 I want to have fun. 0.97

01:59:17.440 I don't give a fuck about your, 0.99

01:59:18.920 we talked about this, 0.99

01:59:20.300 we talked about this because we had like a epiphany.

01:59:24.400 This isn't a podcast.

01:59:26.060 And we kind of like,

01:59:27.480 we're,

01:59:27.740 this isn't a podcast what we're doing.

01:59:29.360 This is a live stream.

01:59:30.800 We're hanging out with y'all.

01:59:32.420 And we're not like,

01:59:33.160 because we figured out,

01:59:34.600 and even the,

01:59:35.180 we are these podcasts.

01:59:36.360 I think they said we're not a podcast.

01:59:38.340 Isn't that what they said?

01:59:38.700 Yeah,

01:59:38.820 they got mad at us.

01:59:39.800 That's when it dawned on me.

01:59:40.740 They were like,

01:59:41.340 they're like,

01:59:41.560 these guys think they're doing a podcast.

01:59:42.640 Yeah, 1.00

01:59:42.800 fuck you, 1.00

01:59:43.320 not a podcast. 1.00

01:59:44.280 We're not a podcast.

01:59:45.680 Yeah,

01:59:45.900 pretty much.

01:59:46.300 They're like,

01:59:46.480 they're doing it all wrong.

01:59:47.300 And I was like,

01:59:47.620 we are doing it all wrong because we're not doing a podcast. 0.99

01:59:49.840 We're doing some other shit. 0.96

01:59:51.340 And I guess we're watching something. 0.99

01:59:52.360 Because we,

01:59:52.880 we're here with the chat.

01:59:55.280 Like the chat.

01:59:55.820 Wait,

01:59:55.840 let Raven say it because I asked Raven when he was at my house.

01:59:59.340 I said, 1.00

01:59:59.460 why do you even watch this shit? 1.00

02:00:00.720 Like, 1.00

02:00:00.840 I don't understand.

02:00:01.560 I know I like it,

02:00:02.640 but why do you like it?

02:00:04.060 So,

02:00:04.480 so I am going to, 0.78

02:00:05.540 I am going to get a little gay here for a second. 0.99

02:00:07.800 Dope. 1.00

02:00:08.700 I like gay shit. 1.00

02:00:09.160 I'm thankful for this show because I am in the chat every fucking Wednesday with all those other retards. 1.00

02:00:16.400 And I, 0.99

02:00:17.720 as an adult,

02:00:18.740 I'm 33 years old.

02:00:20.180 Talk down to them right now. 1.00

02:00:21.320 These disgusting fucking subhuman pieces of shit that I hang with. 1.00

02:00:25.980 Where the fuck is Lainey, 1.00

02:00:27.120 by the way? 0.99

02:00:28.120 Oh yeah.

02:00:28.600 Where is Lainey?

02:00:29.500 Where is he?

02:00:31.220 Yeah.

02:00:32.000 Talking about a hang. 1.00

02:00:32.680 I love that fucking dude. 1.00

02:00:35.020 Maybe. 1.00

02:00:35.780 So, 0.99

02:00:35.940 I'm fucking, 0.98

02:00:38.260 I'm 33 years old. 0.99

02:00:39.200 I moved to Florida.

02:00:40.180 It's just me and my wife. 0.99

02:00:41.560 I got no fucking friends. 0.99

02:00:42.980 I come here on Wednesday and it's all of a sudden like I have friends. 1.00

02:00:46.720 This podcast is a fucking hang. 0.99

02:00:48.580 Like that's what it is. 1.00

02:00:49.520 That's why it works so well. 0.99

02:00:50.760 That's why it's fucking, 0.99

02:00:51.620 it's a good time. 0.99

02:00:52.780 I don't come here to learn anything.

02:00:54.740 I come here to, 1.00

02:00:55.460 if anything lower my fucking IQ and, 1.00

02:00:58.340 and kind of, 1.00

02:00:59.040 you know,

02:00:59.400 decompress from the world.

02:01:01.260 Yeah. 0.80

02:01:02.220 Retards rise up, 1.00

02:01:03.400 man.

02:01:03.600 I can't like,

02:01:04.760 I,

02:01:05.160 I look forward to listening to this show more than I look forward to doing my own show.

02:01:11.100 So I'm thankful that,

02:01:12.860 uh,

02:01:13.300 I get to hang with such high level artists and,

02:01:16.060 uh,

02:01:16.440 and, 1.00

02:01:16.820 and kind of just fucking immerse myself in this shit every Wednesday. 1.00

02:01:20.480 And that's the thing. 1.00

02:01:21.240 It's like,

02:01:21.540 it's more like we're doing like a Twitch stream with our chat.

02:01:24.420 I see a lot of like,

02:01:25.420 this is something that's like it's over,

02:01:27.020 it's overtaking podcast now of doing the live stream with the chat.

02:01:30.140 And I kind of want to get to where we can see,

02:01:32.160 like,

02:01:32.400 like have the chat over just on the side,

02:01:34.760 actually in like,

02:01:36.260 like where we can all see it.

02:01:37.540 And it's constantly going,

02:01:38.700 it's going.

02:01:39.420 And so we can see it.

02:01:40.420 And like,

02:01:40.800 we just bring it because like a stream,

02:01:42.240 I think that's gonna be really fun because the podcast,

02:01:44.780 like we're not,

02:01:45.900 and I just realized that like in regular podcasts,

02:01:48.320 they're not,

02:01:49.220 the outside world doesn't exist.

02:01:50.500 It's just the five people in here that are talking to each other.

02:01:53.220 But I think like the hang part of it is why it's so much better.

02:01:57.880 It's actually better than real friends because at the end,

02:02:01.900 I just have anonymity.

02:02:03.800 I can say anything I want.

02:02:05.060 I can say,

02:02:06.240 well,

02:02:06.460 I say that in front of my,

02:02:07.540 well,

02:02:07.740 I don't have any friends. 0.96

02:02:08.520 Who am I fucking, 0.97

02:02:09.080 but I can turn my phone off. 0.99

02:02:10.880 You know,

02:02:11.080 like when I want you guys to go home,

02:02:12.920 I don't even have to tell you to leave.

02:02:14.280 I could just turn my phone off. 0.97

02:02:15.600 It's kind of fucking amazing. 0.99

02:02:16.940 Hell yeah. 0.98

02:02:17.420 Well,

02:02:17.860 I haven't said what I'm thankful for.

02:02:19.320 So I will,

02:02:19.940 I will add to what you're saying now and say,

02:02:22.160 if he says Luke Rukowski,

02:02:23.280 I'm going to end the show.

02:02:25.940 No,

02:02:26.280 what I was going to say is like,

02:02:27.460 for me,

02:02:29.000 you know,

02:02:29.200 I,

02:02:29.360 I've said this many times,

02:02:30.640 like just watching the intro to the show,

02:02:32.540 the fact that I get to do the introduction right after the,

02:02:34.800 it starts.

02:02:35.140 And sometimes I'll pause and I'll just say, 0.95

02:02:36.760 this show is so fucking fun, 0.94

02:02:37.840 man. 0.97

02:02:38.360 Like the reason I do this show is because I enjoy it.

02:02:42.080 It has nothing to do with the future.

02:02:44.120 It has nothing to do with monetary consideration.

02:02:46.920 I love doing this.

02:02:49.080 And that,

02:02:49.660 that is the reason I've been doing it for a couple of years now.

02:02:51.940 It's the reason I plan to do it as long as you guys want to,

02:02:54.380 as long as Toad stays alive.

02:02:55.560 But it's,

02:02:56.780 it's thrilling to me to just like shut.

02:02:58.960 Cause like everything I do in my real life,

02:03:01.160 like I,

02:03:01.760 I give my all,

02:03:02.780 I like Liberty Lockdown. 0.90

02:03:04.000 I am fucking actually trying to deliver something that's valuable. 0.95

02:03:07.980 And then, 0.97

02:03:11.300 and then when I,

02:03:11.980 when I do the show with Luke,

02:03:12.980 I'm like,

02:03:13.280 I'm on,

02:03:13.820 I'm trying to perform.

02:03:14.740 I'm trying to actually like deliver something important to people.

02:03:17.180 And then when I come here,

02:03:18.420 I'm just like, 1.00

02:03:18.960 I'm going to see how fucking stupid and fun this can be for an hour and a 1.00

02:03:22.560 half. 1.00

02:03:22.740 And it's just,

02:03:23.360 it's a total relief and a release for me.

02:03:25.640 And I hope that the audience feels,

02:03:27.860 you know,

02:03:28.200 at home with,

02:03:28.680 I want to,

02:03:29.380 I I'm thankful for the show.

02:03:31.000 Also,

02:03:31.420 I want to make this show successful,

02:03:34.360 not because I just,

02:03:35.380 because I want it to be successful. 0.98

02:03:36.780 Like I want my other shit to be successful more than the show. 0.99

02:03:39.360 I want to do it out of spite because it's not supposed to be. 1.00

02:03:43.660 It's the dumbest shit that I do. 1.00

02:03:45.580 And I'm like, 1.00

02:03:46.420 can we,

02:03:47.480 can we make this?

02:03:49.440 And also it's something that everybody else is,

02:03:51.580 it's shying away from.

02:03:53.400 And I,

02:03:53.820 I kind of want to do it.

02:03:54.720 Oh,

02:03:54.800 you mean career ending truth telling?

02:03:56.740 Yeah.

02:03:57.860 I just went on a monologue about how Jesus isn't Jewish. 0.61

02:04:02.980 We did everything on this episode.

02:04:04.660 So because I like,

02:04:06.520 I kind of want to do a peek behind the curtain of just like the,

02:04:09.540 the thing of what we got told by some people that we tried to get on with.

02:04:14.020 And they basically just said,

02:04:15.660 no,

02:04:16.860 you're too like,

02:04:18.620 you're like,

02:04:19.140 basically too offensive.

02:04:20.400 It's kind of,

02:04:21.160 no,

02:04:21.300 we are.

02:04:21.720 We're too offensive for gas digital.

02:04:23.540 I want people to understand. 0.99

02:04:24.640 We opened the show with a Raven with my dick attached to it. 0.99

02:04:28.480 But it's not even that, 1.00

02:04:31.380 it's not even that shit, 0.99

02:04:32.100 but like, 0.99

02:04:32.380 but we did it creatively.

02:04:33.500 Like we didn't do it.

02:04:34.740 Like it was good.

02:04:35.500 It was really nice.

02:04:36.080 We were,

02:04:36.860 but it was nice.

02:04:37.800 It was beautiful.

02:04:38.760 It was tasty.

02:04:39.640 Because I want to say it like,

02:04:40.600 when we said,

02:04:43.360 when we did,

02:04:43.840 when we said that we were in toxic gas digital, 0.98

02:04:46.000 that is not a fucking lie. 0.97

02:04:47.480 We legitimately were. 0.97

02:04:49.020 I've had multiple phone calls with the owners of gas.

02:04:51.420 Yes. 0.98

02:04:51.700 And what they fucking said was that is not like we are trying to get, 0.98

02:04:56.800 go in a way that is not going to get us basically de-platformed. 0.99

02:05:00.860 Yeah.

02:05:01.100 And like,

02:05:01.700 y'all are the opposite of that way.

02:05:03.540 Yeah.

02:05:03.780 We're,

02:05:03.960 we're trying to get de-platformed and they're like,

02:05:06.660 we're trying to hang on.

02:05:08.100 Yes.

02:05:08.760 I'm like,

02:05:09.060 then you're probably right.

02:05:10.120 There's not a fit here.

02:05:10.920 Uh,

02:05:11.240 cause we are trying to actually get,

02:05:13.020 but the,

02:05:13.800 what they don't understand is the trend,

02:05:15.980 like,

02:05:16.300 like getting,

02:05:17.180 like it's the time you're not being,

02:05:19.420 if you're not moving the,

02:05:21.340 like,

02:05:21.560 the,

02:05:21.920 the,

02:05:22.360 the goalposts forward more, 0.94

02:05:24.220 like back to what it used to be fucking 10 years ago, 0.94

02:05:26.660 they're going to keep moving back the other way. 0.93

02:05:28.940 And if you try to stay where you're at now, 0.99

02:05:30.860 you're just going to move with the fucking field. 0.99

02:05:33.260 It's going to be, 1.00

02:05:33.880 it's crazy.

02:05:34.020 Now that I've said that I don't care if this show succeeds,

02:05:36.440 cause that's not,

02:05:37.100 that's not the driving factor.

02:05:38.500 I am infinitely confident that this show will succeed because I love it.

02:05:43.900 And anytime I'm doing something that I'm passionate about,

02:05:46.260 it ends up being successful.

02:05:47.360 The people that are watching right now, 0.96

02:05:48.940 the people that show up every motherfucking Wednesday, 1.00

02:05:51.060 every fucking Wednesday, 0.99

02:05:52.800 it's not a huge amount yet. 0.99

02:05:54.500 It's a hundred or whatever,

02:05:55.580 but it's like,

02:05:56.420 like, 1.00

02:05:56.780 I know that if there's a hundred people that absolutely love this shit and they never miss an episode, 0.99

02:06:01.080 that means you have something and we have something. 0.99

02:06:03.660 So we'll see what it becomes.

02:06:05.500 Yeah. 1.00

02:06:05.700 I don't know how this pussy shit is offensive. 1.00

02:06:07.440 You know what guys? 1.00

02:06:07.980 I don't even think we should watch another video.

02:06:09.480 I think we should end it right there.

02:06:10.580 Yeah.

02:06:11.340 Yeah.

02:06:11.540 You're right. 1.00

02:06:12.200 We go from like really funny to fucking gay ass shit and bomb. 1.00

02:06:15.260 We just did legion of skanks. 1.00

02:06:16.820 We just did legion of skanks. 1.00

02:06:18.400 Yeah.

02:06:18.520 We talked.

02:06:19.200 Dude,

02:06:19.500 listen,

02:06:20.080 I,

02:06:20.420 uh,

02:06:20.720 I sold,

02:06:21.320 I sold comedy tickets for 15 years.

02:06:26.660 And now I drive an Audi. 1.00

02:06:29.420 Fuck all y'all. 1.00

02:06:31.580 Fuck y'all. 1.00

02:06:32.280 Good night. 1.00

02:06:32.580 We'll see you on next Wednesday.

02:06:34.300 Peace out. 0.97

02:06:34.560 It's the tower power hour slut. 1.00

02:06:36.540 It's the tower power hour bitch. 1.00

02:06:38.240 No way, 0.99

02:06:38.800 Jose.

02:06:39.700 Liberty lockdown. 1.00

02:06:40.940 It's the tower power hour bitch. 1.00

02:06:43.380 Reed. 1.00

02:06:45.960 Cole.

02:06:47.720 Top lobster.

02:06:48.940 And toad.

02:06:50.300 Tower gang,

02:06:50.900 tower gang,

02:06:51.400 tower gang,

02:06:51.880 tower gang.

02:06:52.680 Tower gang,

02:06:53.460 tower gang,

02:06:53.940 tower gang,

02:06:54.420 tower gang.

02:06:54.480 Liberty lock is truth say.

02:06:56.340 Same with lobster,

02:06:57.460 Cole and Jose.

02:06:58.920 Toad is sick.

02:06:59.740 No way,

02:07:00.280 Jose. 0.98

02:07:00.800 It's the tower power hour slut. 1.00

02:07:02.400 They made days spent all his. 0.98

02:07:03.920 Tower gang,

02:07:04.360 Tower gang,

02:07:04.880 tower gang,

02:07:05.440 tower gang.

02:07:06.460 Tower gang,

02:07:07.180 tower gang,

02:07:07.500 tower gang,

02:07:08.020 tower gang,

02:07:10.420 They speak courage,

02:07:11.420 you sped,

02:07:12.100 more than Raven,

02:07:13.380 you fed,

02:07:14.360 truth file,

02:07:14.960 weather,

02:07:15.440 Tim cast,

02:07:15.900 hotel,

02:07:16.300 Hotel.

02:07:16.900 More offensive,

02:07:17.960 Los,

02:07:18.680 no disrespect.

02:07:19.920 More offensive than,

02:07:20.660 Los,

02:07:21.080 no disrespect.

02:07:22.480 Tower gang,

02:07:23.160 Tower gang,

02:07:23.800 Tower gang,

02:07:24.060 Tower gang,

02:07:24.800 Billboard gang,

02:07:25.560 They made days spent all his fame.

02:07:27.440 Tower gang,

02:07:28.000 Tower gang,

02:07:28.480 Tower gang,

02:07:29.120 Tower gang.

02:07:30.480 Tower gang,

02:07:31.000 Tower gang,

02:07:31.520 Tower gang.

02:07:32.540 Tower gang, 0.98

02:07:34.200 It's so fucking hard to line up the syllables and all that. 0.98

Tower Gang - November 23, 2023

Ep 152 - washyourbutthole69 w⧸ The Raven

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript