Ep 200 - The Cumzone - Live at Brohemian Grove
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 3 minutes
Words per Minute
169.30026
Hate Speech Sentences
110
Summary
In this episode, the boys talk about the craziest thing that has ever happened to them, and the crazy things they have done to get there. We also talk about some crazy things that have happened to us in the past and how we have dealt with them.
Transcript
00:08:29.760
I don't know if I recorded it, but it was the greatest moment.
00:08:31.860
You know when you're in a moment and you don't record it because it's so beautiful?
00:08:45.020
Yeah, it was like, yeah, it was like, I can't see the worst.
00:08:54.120
they like do you have a stigmatism or something like yeah I got that too this
00:08:59.460
is not even a fucking joke this is something that really happened he goes
00:09:02.100
I got a stigmatism I never heard you say that before I had the instructor but I
00:09:05.580
had yeah they're like sure you're gonna be shooting over the berm aim aim lower
00:09:09.340
please did the slow violin start playing my mind the instructor leaned over and
00:09:16.140
he goes what the fuck's the matter with him and I just backed up a lot they
00:09:21.600
got the permit stripped immediately you can't hand a firearm to this suicidal
00:09:24.840
mania I'm sitting there with it with my iPad and I'm like recording and my arms
00:09:28.740
are shaking because it's like like the videos at a minute and a half three
00:09:31.500
minutes fire the fucking gun tone I don't care what you shoot at just fucking pull
00:09:36.600
the trigger and it wasn't like it was like you know like us five there it was
00:09:40.560
like there was like 300 like 400 people there waiting to shoot right and it
00:09:45.360
toaster just like yeah my make-a-wish was to shoot guns with the lectern dude
00:09:58.380
that's all I wanted honestly sounds like a make-a-wish for somebody like this
00:10:05.740
autistic kid in Alabama would be like I want to shoot guns with the lectern guy
00:10:09.340
guys speaking of make a make a life is built up to toad can we get to your
00:10:13.240
story yeah oh my god yes this is a mystery to me and I've been told that I
00:10:18.640
can't know what happened until this moment so I'm looking forward to Clint is
00:10:22.620
gonna lose his shit well all right so I arrived at the airport a couple days ago
00:10:29.380
Wednesday and I met I met up with mr. random over here so I'm thinking all right
00:10:35.320
I landed I got to get the top lobster's house that's what I got to do that is
00:10:38.680
that is my one mission in life right now I got to get to this man's house which
00:10:42.460
is also Cole's house apparently get me there go my dog so uh can I say what
00:10:52.300
what your situation was you would have picked me up otherwise but yeah this is
00:10:56.740
actually kind of funny too I haven't said tops license was suspended out of New
00:11:01.720
York for I don't know an unpaid ticket or something which also meant that he had a
00:11:05.260
suspended license here so I'm like okay so I know he's not gonna be able to
00:11:08.440
pick me up something and I'm I'm I'm incriminating him I'm gonna I'm gonna what
00:11:15.820
omit the names please oh no no no well your name because you're involved I don't
00:11:24.220
know what Mark's talking about Fran was like please don't use my name in the
00:11:26.920
story about me so I meet up with random I'm like okay so he's gonna come in
00:11:33.400
like an hour and a half later cool I'm gonna like get some food in here I'm
00:11:36.340
gonna chill I'm gonna meet up with him even though I know he's like a crazy
00:11:39.400
skit so he will so yeah I should have probably rethought all of this but I
00:11:45.040
think he's a good dude I'd never met him before but I mean I don't know I like to
00:11:50.580
like three times on the show all decided this is a crazy person so he
00:11:56.360
goes all right I'm gonna I'm gonna rent a car that's the decision I'm like okay
00:11:59.520
cool so then he's texting me like many many times dude figure out where the
00:12:03.780
rental cars are like over and over again I'm like dude I got it I know where the
00:12:06.840
rental cars are let him tell the story random as he remembers
00:12:10.580
let's do it so we go we're gonna rent a car and like a bunch of them were like
00:12:15.360
sorry you require a reservation for this you can't do it so basically we could not
00:12:19.140
rent a car out of the like agencies that were in the airport so okay so and this
00:12:23.400
is cheaper anyway so random was like all right we're gonna look at Clint just
00:12:26.640
become more he's he's like we're gonna go to one of those off-site rental places
00:12:31.020
okay so to avoid spending fifty or a hundred dollars he's like I will wait
00:12:39.540
around here for an hour and a half then travel with the schizophrenic person will
00:12:42.600
you more to play yeah I could have taken an uber for like a hundred seventy or two
00:12:46.440
hundred bucks I was gonna I was paying for it initially yes true so I'm like
00:12:51.000
cool I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna get a ride with random so we have
00:12:58.120
to wait for this shuttle bus it's gonna take us to the off-site location where
00:13:01.320
they have the rental cars for this agency we're waiting there for like 40
00:13:05.400
minutes skip passes for what happens when you know no well we're waiting there for
00:13:08.580
40 minutes and what do you do to kill time 40 minutes when you're with mr.
00:13:12.000
random over here yeah he starts he starts telling me and then they're like
00:13:16.140
families around waiting for the waiter waiting for these other waiting for
00:13:19.500
the waiting for these other you know buses and whatever he starts telling me
00:13:24.540
about this time where this dude wanted to cock him and
00:13:31.560
and random imagine toad sitting there the entire time with his hand on his hip like
00:13:36.560
standing all weird backwards and shit so random was in the process of that and
00:13:41.240
this chick yeah this chick got on top of him and at some point she dosed him with
00:13:45.980
GHB and raped him dope so random is telling me the story but then he whips out his
00:13:55.640
phone and he goes dude I got it all taped I got it all on audio right now dude he
00:14:01.640
pulls this out and it's and it's and it's called something like like I am the bull or
00:14:06.560
person and there's and there's part one and part two and they total to like three hours
00:14:13.760
but you have your own raping taped and he's he starts to understand this correctly
00:14:18.980
starts playing your audio you're not a real gangster until you rape you tape your own raping
00:14:23.960
I didn't think I was gonna get raped that's the thing that's true yeah that often they were
00:14:28.220
they were smoking crack and doing coke and taking G my first don't pretend I'm also weren't smoking
00:14:34.580
crack they were smoking crack and doing coke but previously stated I didn't think I was gonna get
00:14:40.880
raped my first initials I oh they're gonna die because I was there for work but I was like this
00:14:46.880
is a situation I had to get out of like they're gonna die seems like a situation you created but
00:14:51.380
ladies ladies ladies ladies here hold on hold on ladies show of hands when you feel as if you're
00:14:56.240
about to be raped do you a leave or be take out your phone and start recording do more crack yeah
00:15:05.240
so he's playing the audio and at some point he's like hold on let me get to the good part let me let
00:15:11.420
get to the way wait wait wait wait all right well I mean the the the other the part that they think
00:15:18.620
you have a razor has hasn't even happened yet he's going to take a shit he doesn't need my or I mean
00:15:23.660
we could give him the mic Clint is old and he needed a potty so then well then we can fall apart we get
00:15:28.820
to the the agency and we're gonna rent the vehicle and random is up there and he's really prolonging the
00:15:34.640
process and there are other people in line he's talking to this woman and he's like half hitting on her but
00:15:39.500
half like going schizo and at one point he goes well actually I'm on drugs like looking right in
00:15:44.840
the face and he's trying to rent this vehicle and prove that he's like a competent drive what is
00:15:49.400
hitting on her and half going schizo what is that he goes I'm sorry I'm behaving this way but I just
00:15:56.360
think you're very beautiful no I said that after cuz she legitimately got worried like I can't rent to
00:16:03.660
someone on drugs and I was like I'm sorry I'm actually just find you really attractive that's
00:16:07.160
why I'm what did you do to worry her what made this woman look at you and go at first glance
00:16:12.500
I was going to know but once you did this I'm not that's what it was is we actually had an initial back and forth kind of cool like that for
00:16:20.660
whatever reason I just blurt out I'm on drugs and then she's like I can't rent and I go no you know what it is I'm actually just really
00:16:28.500
attracted to you so I'm nervous I'm sorry about that but that's why I said that so she's like okay we'll get with the car process and for the record I had the money to rent the car
00:16:36.500
I had my credit card I had a backup credit card and a debit card but because I was on tour in Texas and Pennsylvania and you okay hold on hold on hold on hold on this is toad story
00:16:47.360
yeah all right Mark's gonna get 10 minutes later go ahead so well I mean the other part of this which you guys didn't believe is that random kind of like failed in his
00:16:55.840
process and trying to hit on this woman so she wound up kind of liking me it was successful up until that point and you came in for the clothes
00:17:06.400
yeah so this took this took like an hour probably and
00:17:19.240
decline next card decline sir your cards are all being declined so I don't think my mic is on
00:17:25.100
this is the first time I've actually believed an aspect of the story that your cards were declined
00:17:29.860
oh it is on all right no I paid my credit card and I had put money in my debit card
00:17:35.740
okay wait wait wait let's tell the story go ahead so then so of course I have to swoop in uh because I'm like well I'm the I'm the one who's financially stable here that's what I said to the fine young lady who was renting us the vehicle
00:17:47.860
I'm the I'm the financial stable which is why you're letting the meth head pick up the tab for the rental car
00:17:53.740
I paid for it but but in order in order to pay for it she said sir uh if you're gonna be the one to pay for it you have to be listed as an additional driver on this vehicle
00:18:02.740
so what's happening here is uh Toad has found himself in a peculiar situation where he has rented a car
00:18:07.740
co-signed rented a car with mark random did you write your name mark random on the card yes okay and has now found himself in a position of liability
00:18:17.740
I wrote mark random and then I had to say mark rod that government name but like I did write random because I don't know I was just in a weird vibe
00:18:25.360
things have been going it's wait so you actually this you're liable for this vehicle
00:18:29.400
yes yes and the funny thing is no no no no no no I wish you were on camera I mean this is so reckless it's unbelievable no no no hold on hold on
00:18:39.200
no wait it gets better mark do not tell this part of the story so random no he got so he starts driving
00:18:47.820
we're driving you know random is driving we're driving on these four highways yeah I got some like metal on my
00:18:53.380
playlist so anyway random's driving a car I rented we were singing though we were singing real quick
00:18:58.160
we're cranking this shit up we're we're singing mud vane we're singing slip night hold on hold on
00:19:02.120
there's there's a there's a big thing you're missing toad was like I only need basic coverage on this
00:19:07.860
he was like I don't he opted out they're like they're like sir do you need bumper-to-bumper for
00:19:13.420
one dollar and he's like fuck listen the Jew I trust mark random the Jew and me came out again hold on now
00:19:19.740
now now I don't mean my uh circumcised car hold on hold on again so here we go guys for a hundred and
00:19:25.020
twenty dollar insurance which is what the cost of a ride to my house would have been but whatever we're
00:19:29.520
here it's like seven hours later yeah six hundred seven hundred and twenty dollars it was it's six
00:19:34.620
hundred plus the extra two hundred deposit but if but if the car gets returned I said that I said
00:19:49.380
hey man you're a gambling man so here we go so we're you are leaving out there's a legitimate detail of my
00:19:58.080
kindness if I said hey dude if anything I do makes you uncomfortable let me know and I'll be in the
00:20:02.200
right way like you got I like to lead the witness is it okay yeah please okay um you have my permission
00:20:10.920
when is your flight back to wherever the shit hole you're from tomorrow at 8 a.m. tomorrow at 8 a.m.
00:20:17.580
fucking psychotic thing to do when is your car rental return due back Tuesday
00:20:22.020
no Monday I booked it till I booked it till Tuesday because I have shows in Jacksonville
00:20:33.480
I love it wait wait wait wait you're leaving this car with him yeah this motherfucker's going to
00:20:41.820
Jacksonville he played him the crazy thing is before this rental thing happened he played him a video
00:20:48.060
of him being raped at a party with crack and cocaine and GHB in that video in that audio by the way I did
00:20:59.100
leave one thing out I'm like who are those voices in the background like are you are you like doing
00:21:02.760
this in front he's like you can hear them too the girl had a friend he goes no we're just watching porn
00:21:09.900
while they were putting it on I was being a good guest they're like you want to watch but they just put
00:21:15.840
it on so I'm what mark mark you know I like you but like can we just be honest for a second
00:21:19.800
you took out of his fucking mind to let you keep his rental car right you wouldn't do that for
00:21:25.740
yourself right I have 19 years of perfect driving which which of your personalities is perfect driving
00:21:36.660
I think they both go back and forth co-pilot and pilot so random then starts like he's going down the
00:21:43.980
highway like he said he's like exceeding a hundred miles an hour and you say dude you're this guy is
00:21:49.380
driving six hundred dollars worth he's exceeding a hundred miles an hour he's driving thirty seven
00:21:54.000
thousand dollars and simultaneously he's taking videos of like the Sunset I like this it's actually
00:22:14.520
really fun to watch the show and be in it this is fucking tremendous but I'm really great at this
00:22:20.520
where I asked him to hold the wheel while I douse Kratom because I take it straight I did that and I
00:22:26.220
took a shot of Kratom that was another part of it random at one point he was driving and well actually
00:22:31.620
let me get to this because this is the other crazy part he's telling me dude I'm gonna get you your
00:22:35.640
money back like I'm gonna pay you like for the rental and to do so he's saying leave names I'm gonna
00:22:41.400
get you the money it's gonna be in cash and it's gonna be in a brown paper bag because because it is
00:22:50.340
cool that it looks sketchy and he did it he did it so we're driving by the way I will also say he
00:22:58.200
stopped at like four different convenience stores in a row trying to get coke zero Oreo he's like sorry
00:23:03.300
dude I'm like addicted to soda right now I gotta just find all this so we're stopping at all these
00:23:08.400
different convenience stores so this whole trip is taking okay but so let me ask you a question
00:23:12.180
very very long how does this make you feel like right now as are you feeling anxiety or yeah but
00:23:19.800
you never say that's insane that's like treadmill I'm working out I was consistently saying dude if I'm
00:23:33.600
making you uncomfortable hold on let's let's recap so he is he is driving over a hundred miles per hour
00:23:39.840
he has already self-described that he is eating handfuls of kratom and he's simultaneously videoing
00:23:46.500
the sunset oh but and he's asking to do I make you feel uncomfortable no it gets a little wait wait wait
00:23:53.040
before this we have done at least like maybe I'd say seven hours of talking to just him before all this
00:23:59.580
happened so you've had seven hours plus this entire day and you go here's my credit card information you
00:24:04.800
know you can't trust him yes well then the other part of this is he's in the process of then trying
00:24:09.420
to get me that money and he's doing this he's doing he's doing voice to text while driving trying to get
00:24:15.780
this money from I don't know who this person is please leave the names out it sounds like some sketchy
00:24:21.600
source likely a drug supplier would be my guess and he is yeah he starts getting so angry that he's like
00:24:27.300
yelling to voice the test and then eventually it's like not working and he starts he part of the
00:24:33.000
details here were you actually having an argument with your drug dealer no it's all legal it's just
00:24:38.540
people I know it's just I'm cool that's the thing about you know what's beautiful is I didn't really
00:24:44.320
have family or friends but for me to make my way up in the world where I could literally be in
00:24:48.320
Florida be like yo I need a thousand and someone to be there that shows that you know hold on hold on
00:24:55.120
you get to $300 yeah and I still have 300 but I it's so awesome that I can get a thousand dollars
00:25:05.980
and give 300 that to toad so only only I'm doing math right now well it's the end of the trip one of
00:25:14.320
those 200 deposit what I what the most unnerving part of that slut and happy and it happened like
00:25:19.900
shortly before we arrived at tops house top and Cole's house fire random thank you thank you for
00:25:26.220
the random starts texting with both hands and he goes toad take the wheel so I'm steering the car from the
00:25:32.380
passenger seat I'm like that was that was the part that made me the most anxious I'm like this does
00:25:38.740
not feel good because I don't have control over the I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm a stand-up guy and man of
00:25:44.740
my word and I say hey man I'll get you back I will as soon as I can hey this is my fucking car let
00:25:54.040
me just drive yeah maybe I should have done that yes all right well leaving out all of them all right
00:26:00.220
at one point one of those convenience stores he got out to go into I could have just stolen the car
00:26:05.500
probably guys the guy who won't be stealing would be my car car here's the thing so the guy who runs
00:26:11.380
this venue does that professionally I recommended him to the airport professionally I gave you his number you
00:26:23.480
decided to do this yes but we we arrived at your house safely at what 7 30 or 8 at night and my plane had landed at
00:26:32.620
1 15 I made it in the afternoon to get a Nissan because I have Nissan's and I've driven them so I
00:26:38.800
made it up is it a fucking Ultima he picked his rental car no I picked it because I knew I was
00:26:43.740
comfortable driving that like with the Honda I was like I don't know the steering of it so I was like
00:26:48.280
can we get the cheaper one he's like no we're gonna get the Ultima no get the midsize no we're getting
00:26:53.980
early into this experience did red flags start going on he said right when we met I want to say
00:27:01.000
fucking instantly before my plane landed oh my god what did you do it did you do it just for the
00:27:10.060
story or were you just so whisked up in the moment did you feel like a hostage yeah I was getting
00:27:16.600
Stockholm syndrome holy shit so not to brag these stories I don't brag I don't know why there's a
00:27:23.800
right but that's just one day in my life imagine every day year after you are doing this to your
00:27:30.880
life that's true say this like my life is wild you have no you made all of the decisions in this moment
00:27:37.180
that fucking caused you to experience this no so did to relationships that didn't work out and
00:27:41.980
family didn't work out and things I'm making the best of a bad situation I'm the smile on the
00:27:46.600
crowd cloud that fate has that's what that is you know if I can't have family and love at least I can
00:27:52.780
have a brown bag of cash so there you go please stop speaking in poetry I don't understand this is
00:27:57.460
anyway this is totally upsetting slam poetry told stories finished I'd say I'm just gonna end a few
00:28:01.840
to before you fucking meander on yes how'd you take a interesting fun story and make it long and
00:28:08.920
stupid I know I hate myself for asking you to tell this story this is like it but it's such a great
00:28:13.460
story it's like a really yeah that's that's what I do don't you do great I'm fucking with
00:28:18.140
you it's okay well I I dude I just tell like really long sagas dude I'm like I'm like I'm like a modern-day
00:28:25.100
Homer can you just set the record straight that when I was at your house I was very courteous with
00:28:34.760
manners I was helping set the table I was asking if anyone needed anything when your kids were playing
00:28:39.560
I was playing game I was helping the dog and if there was a thing I was playing with the puppet
00:28:48.740
animals so I gave you a safe word I pulled out when you asked me to on the other hand Clint toad sitting
00:28:55.520
right next to my mother eating my mom's lasagna called her mama heavies honestly the nuts gangster
00:29:02.360
thing this is the weird juxtaposition that I don't understand polar toad did that toad
00:29:07.340
I'm not saying the nickname is wrong I'm saying that it's wild to say it to your face the audacity and
00:29:22.520
he didn't even see it as like a like a wild move he's just addressing her it's like pass the salt
00:29:29.240
please this is purely mark right now it's not random please validate that I was a great house
00:29:34.580
guest with your yes you were fine all right Mike listen sorry give it up for my great
00:29:38.240
back on the stage we're gonna do five because we're gonna move to the next thing we actually
00:29:43.820
have segments on the show but fucking toad man the the disrespect well not even the disrespect top
00:29:50.000
it's the juxtaposition of being willing to call your mom mama heavy to her face and then to not tell
00:29:55.760
a man to stop doing 130 on the fucking highway in a car that doesn't belong to him it's a term of
00:30:00.620
respect it's a term of endearment endearment I would agree if you call his dad mr. mama
00:30:04.500
heavy's mr. heavy's fucking a man yeah honestly in a world where crazy shit happens I mean in
00:30:17.640
fairness I didn't deny well now my mice I did deny that they eat the kids afterwards I think that's
00:30:24.060
that's that's a bitch too far what the fuck is this oh you want to scare a kid as randoms create
00:30:28.800
them absorb their blood sure who doesn't no we don't want to watch you get raped mark random
00:30:35.820
security the fuck did he really just offer to show his porn yeah I mean we do have a fucking monitor
00:30:43.980
behind actually we do have we're gonna show porn we are gonna show some porn we are yeah sorry we
00:30:48.660
have to do it before we get into October can we find out if the person that we are judging tonight
00:30:53.880
is actually in the building what's his name no Marshall banana if you're here raise your hand very
00:31:00.180
appropriate look we have to get through this fine lady right here the racist from last night she she
00:31:08.400
wanted to advance notice before we put cocks on the screen I think we should have any cocks on the
00:31:15.960
screen at some point so if you are squeamish no you know take a look into the audience right now
00:31:21.120
everybody look at that cock down if you will look at each one of these people's eyes I don't know how
00:31:24.480
many people some some watch the show and even the ones that do watch the show I'm looking at you
00:31:27.600
there's still a look of like up like upset they're like they're like man this sucks I see
00:31:33.720
respectable people in this audience we have to do this thing though you understand this is something
00:31:38.520
that we have to do well you have to hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on she's saying that having
00:31:44.760
how many are there uh five minutes around and John gentlemen's cocks is gay it's not gay okay it's
00:31:51.360
fucking logistical it's military I've officially heard everything this is fucking unbelievable do you
00:31:57.240
think it's gay if you think it's gay raise your hand it's like it's not even possible to be straight
00:32:00.360
hey hey if it's not gay to judge your homies cock raise your hand Omar raise your hand okay what the
00:32:08.220
fuck are the rest of you guys doing in the middle are you first sitting tentative bitches you this is
00:32:15.540
why best sitters this is why we can't get good polls they're like hey hey do you want this black
00:32:20.820
bitch or do you want this awesome how am I supposed to believe you if you're too afraid to vote I'm
00:32:25.140
undecided diddly a scrum diddly-umptious I would imagine is this is a real fan right here she knows
00:32:32.040
our ratings okay David if you'd please stand up you could show them this is a scrum diddly-umptious
00:32:36.480
David is the winner I am the winner of the original what the fuck was that oh that's my phone don't
00:32:40.680
worry about it uh the original and this is my cocktober shirt and uh yes I imagine what that means
00:32:47.220
since Top Lobster had to gaze upon and draw my cock straight up draw which is not a it's not a slow
00:32:54.360
task right it's not AI no wait we can do a better prize this time don't touch don't jerk off the
00:33:00.240
little cock of my shirt uh but now Top this is an annual thing once a year Top has to stare into the
00:33:07.080
abyss no let's try to draw no what's an annual thing is cocktober because October happens all the
00:33:13.080
time and it's on the cock what's not an annual thing is that I draw it I did it what are you
00:33:19.020
gonna give him what are you gonna give him I know before before before it was top who had to do lifelike
00:33:25.980
renditions of cocks which made a life partnership between he and David so that's actually gay when
00:33:35.100
you draw your friends dick and then you become a business partner with him then you're gay that's how
00:33:39.540
works you ever just see a cock and go I want to go into business with that cock some people do
00:33:43.440
cocaine and they go that's how they do it in Japan I I do a drawing I'm like you want to start a
00:33:47.400
business like yeah let's fucking start a business it depends on the you know okay I think we can
00:33:52.680
think of a better prize let's let's give it some time to cook because this is a little uh it's
00:33:57.000
rambunctious of us to say this well what's funny is like you're like I don't think it's a good prize
00:34:00.600
like we all have agreed it's a great prize and you're just like I don't think so and I do the drawing so
00:34:06.900
luckily I don't think it's a good idea yeah well we also don't know who the winner is gonna be yet
00:34:11.760
because this is our fourth submission and we have the the other three the first one we deemed was
00:34:16.260
pretty sad so it was likely not gonna win number two I really hyped up I really hyped it up and you
00:34:22.620
guys were very disappointed it was fine it was a hanger dude for anybody that doesn't know oh is that
00:34:27.840
the one that I saw look at this guy in the corner just nodding silently hold on so that doesn't know like
00:34:33.300
the audience has not seen any of these days you guys are gonna talk today only we have seen the
00:34:38.880
dicks and so the audience is like we're just taking our word for it that these are like good or bad we
00:34:43.980
know what we're doing now we're not going to show the rumble audience because we're not going to get
00:34:47.800
uh oh no yeah we're gonna have to which reminds me to our camera uh operators you're gonna have to pan
00:34:53.160
up so that we don't see cock is it up or down on rumble we're gonna show cock to you guys but not to
00:34:58.920
rumble because that's a respectable organization you guys got cape and cocks cape and cock right
00:35:04.500
you know it'd be you know it'd be great if we pan down but then like they can't see the cocks here
00:35:08.340
but then we all take our cocks out on another table oh fucking gotcha and we fucking rochambo
00:35:13.500
didn't see that coming did you rochambo dick watch thing right like what time is it right
00:35:17.500
oh yeah you put it over here exactly or the goat anybody remember the goat yeah yeah it's it's about
00:35:23.640
waiting 80 cock baby okay so so yes all right so um we got this thing going on and no one i saw
00:35:32.740
briefly because i had to put it on here right uh but for you i want you to describe it to us in
00:35:37.680
excruciating oh yeah that's good yeah and i want you to draw this like i tell you every week every
00:35:42.040
week that we do this i want you to draw this cock with your words paint it with your tongue to these
00:35:47.300
people so that they can imagine in their head because it's also fun that we all get to see it after
00:35:51.780
because you get to see the delusion that is towed right that's true so and by the way uh submission
00:35:56.480
number three was like just kind of a weird like finnish boner like i don't know what to say about
00:36:01.820
i saw that one that was a boner all right so this is number four uh this now you're i might be hyping
00:36:08.600
this up too much again but this one splashes dude this this one this is a splash zone this is the wildest
00:36:14.960
if you're within the first two front rows you could get splashed through come on dude this is
00:36:20.700
the like the wildest dick that i've received so far the wildest dick that's an insane way to
00:36:27.080
describe it i wish we had i wish we had the live chat because it's not a domesticated dick it is the
00:36:32.060
wildest of dicks hold on hold on hold on hold on guys because all right we're missing something like
00:36:37.040
no i mean the live chat in front of us because i'm thinking splash in the front row shamu there's got to be
00:36:41.740
some fucking cock shamu things that it's it's it's do it in the live the cum zone what's what's
00:36:47.760
what's funny well what's funny is that um zone we we set this all up and we were just like hey yeah
00:36:53.160
send your submissions to to toad and it was just like it was just us making up like a thing like a
00:36:59.200
scenario that people have to send their dicks i think what it was is that toad has to look at dicks
00:37:02.980
and we're like this is hilarious yeah but you had to look at mine toad was suicidal at that point this
00:37:07.060
was like a year ago and we were like we gotta give this guy something to do how do we cheer him up
00:37:10.800
we literally brought him back from the brink of death by staring at cocks i need my autism to be
00:37:16.640
focused on something other than ways to murder myself so okay now he just judges cocks all day
00:37:22.700
describe okay so this cock yeah so i will say you guys think i'm kidding he literally saved his life
00:37:28.440
with dicks i am not exaggerating when i say that this one redefines scrumdiddly umptious
00:37:33.900
well it's crazy now let me paint a picture for you because this is this is a work of
00:37:39.740
art now uh wait before you do can the audience please close your eyes and imagine if you will
00:37:47.580
no no no i just think it's fair because you know we're trying to imagine it oh all right
00:37:51.420
you're painting a picture you're painting a picture in their minds yeah i'm like the bob ross of dicks
00:37:56.380
so so imagine if you will oh that's a precious little bush there precious little bush that's a twitter
00:38:03.500
profile like bob ross of dicks okay first of all now think about you have uh think about a nice uh
00:38:12.060
uh hot dog like a nice a nice looking frank weird emphasis dude and hot dog and it and it is in a
00:38:18.700
bun and it's covered in ketchup it's it's got a decent is this a metaphor wait is this yeah what's
00:38:24.700
imagine now you're hungry you're talking about pedophilia no now imagine that next to that hot dog
00:38:30.300
you have a dick a nice all natural 100 beef wiener that that is larger than the hot dog next to it is
00:38:40.540
also in a bun and has mustard a nice healthy dose of mustard on that thing right but now you're being
00:38:47.820
a little artistic about it so you're describing food and you're saying scrum diddly upstairs that's
00:38:50.780
why this wins okay and this thing i will tell you and imagine that it is like it's such a fine looking
00:38:56.140
hot dog you know and a lot it's a jumbo hot dog and and that it's a jumbo which is which why are
00:39:03.660
there two we're only judging one dick why are there two are we meant to not are they hot dogs i don't
00:39:07.900
understand this is a hot dog this thing would give joey chestnut problems man this thing is wild
00:39:14.940
okay okay okay okay come on what about okay can we let's ask some questions pubes oh pubes are there
00:39:21.020
pubes he's gonna say he doesn't remember i don't remember he's like all i can remember is sauerkraut
00:39:26.940
the onions i think he's manscaped i think but i think maybe the pubes could have been like a little
00:39:33.420
bit distracted by the con a little bit of garnish i don't know i will say it is a good thing to know
00:39:40.140
like we needed some relish if you asked a woman like how good was my cock and you're like and she's
00:39:45.580
like oh it's pretty good like you remember me having pubes and she's like no i'm like okay i have a great
00:39:49.260
cock yeah that's true that's that a lot okay that's a great point that's a great point do any of your
00:39:53.100
girlfriends know that you have pubes or not like they would never know i've never never trimmed
00:39:57.020
once they've never never they've never been marked well this into a woman up to my pubes never once
00:40:02.220
so big uh with me with me they would know because you can't find it in there if i have pubes that
00:40:06.780
are too long okay okay what about uh what about veins is it veiny yeah is it a veiny member well you
00:40:13.580
haven't even said if it's circumcised well we're fucking kidding we're building suspense cool oh sorry
00:40:18.540
i usually started i know the tippy top of dicks was circumcision you started the tip i don't know
00:40:23.580
the answer to this question because i was just i was just thinking i'm going to be like what do you
00:40:27.180
know about this dick toad i was just thinking he's the worst dick i was i was going to be ordering
00:40:32.620
i was going to be ordering one of these things up at the ballpark you're not the bob ross of dicks
00:40:36.300
you're my two-year-old of dicks wow that's a theme of this you can't describe a dick for
00:40:42.060
shit oh my god get off the show learn how to describe a dick wait i'm a two-year-old of dicks
00:40:47.500
so that means that i'm a pedophile victim okay okay get focused get focused get focused guys yeah
00:40:52.780
let's try this then because i'm asking questions and you don't have any answers what do you remember
00:40:57.500
about the dick that made it so fantastic he remembers the hot dog stuff right you're describing
00:41:01.980
ballpark frank so you know that every like life event that i have i refer to back with because i
00:41:10.140
remember what i was eating that day yeah he's he has described this before it's true yeah what'd you
00:41:15.420
what'd you have on 9-11 burger king there you go what exactly did you order at burger king on 9-11
00:41:22.380
i think it was uh it was two double cheeseburgers uh six piece chicken nugget medium fried okay wait
00:41:28.940
wait wait this is his very specific autism yes only on catastrophic catastrophic memories does he
00:41:35.660
remember what he ate guys it's a totally useless gift but he has it nonetheless what did you eat when
00:41:39.580
you were in the car with random hold on oh good question nothing he's like i don't want to
00:41:45.260
remember this i'll abstain listen audience uh i feel like he's painted an adequate enough picture and
00:41:50.220
honestly i can't listen to him talk much longer uh are you guys ready to see this because i can feel
00:41:55.420
oh we're getting we're getting kicked off this he's like are you showing cock in my establishment
00:42:00.220
what we're not allowed to do it what no we'll stretch it oh we'll stretch it out just a little
00:42:12.460
bit the cock the cock okay we're gonna pull the foreskin over this guy stretched it out quite a bit
00:42:18.140
what is going on back to she's dressed as poison i've okay but we're getting distracted here all
00:42:21.980
right let's let's let's move on to the car i know it's not it's not like i want it that's
00:42:26.860
yeah my inclination is we want the dick yeah we want the dick we want the dick are we going to show
00:42:34.380
the dick show the dick if you want to see the dick i'm starting to think this game is kind of gay
00:42:38.940
i don't like it i don't know no no you're right it's not you're right are we i mean i'm so no he
00:42:45.340
already spoke enough do you guys think you know what it looks like we don't know at this point
00:42:49.340
there's two hot dogs what the did that have to do with anything yeah one with ketchup one with
00:42:55.980
mustard one slightly larger like what the was that metaphor i hope to god there's mustard on this penis
00:43:02.860
he wasn't lying if there is mustard mustard on it yeah if there's mustard i take it back you've done
00:43:07.820
a great job okay it'd be really funny if this is not even hot dog related at all so i'm going to pull
00:43:15.100
it up on the screen let's go turn around guys i relish this by the way oh my god
00:43:22.700
oh my god there was pubes what a reveal congratulations marshall banana uh on the hot dog
00:43:33.580
i guess what a wonderful penis which i can see now why he doesn't remember the fucking veins or the
00:43:41.820
bush or the bush it's immemorable which is the dick i just see two delicious hot dogs they're the same
00:43:47.660
color neither one of them are cooked his dick looks exactly like a hot dog i am wild i am honored to
00:43:54.460
relinquish the crown it's like his dick was in a hot dog factory to a gentleman of cock uh such as
00:44:02.380
marshall banana incredible so he is circumcised did we have we confirmed this is actually a viewer of our
00:44:09.820
show that submitted this like yeah that's my that's marshall he said he didn't just google
00:44:13.660
dick in a hot dog bun haha that's a great dick maybe no that's a great dick can someone in the
00:44:19.740
audience google dick in a hot dog banana no no no i i wouldn't do that to us would he would he no no
00:44:25.740
these guys are on the up and up he's a respectable gentleman oh god all i can imagine is like you
00:44:32.220
know i don't know what i don't know what this guy's like i don't know what this guy's relationship like
00:44:37.260
like situation is but i can just imagine i don't know how close they are i'm sorry i'm sorry to all you
00:44:41.980
people but this is what we apologize no this is what we go through all the time as we talk about
00:44:46.780
it this dick is still up and it's just like it's like in your face and you're you're trying to now
00:44:51.340
i'm trying to have a conversation with some friends but i'm like my other people paid good money to come
00:44:55.340
see cock literally i'm gonna take it off the screen that's a good question no leave the cock on the
00:45:02.860
screen no no take it down take it down so i'm gonna need your final rating on a uh on a one
00:45:07.820
discrumpedly umptious hold on hold on hold on i do i don't know what this guy's like really
00:45:12.860
relationship situation is i can just imagine him like he just made a hot dog and then like he gets
00:45:17.500
the mustard out and his wife's like what are you doing and he's like going to the bathroom dude you
00:45:20.780
don't even like mustard marsha banana he's just like all i'm like what shut up
00:45:26.620
i'm google reverse image searching and there are no results so i think i think it's a real dick
00:45:30.860
fuck yeah god bless why are you showing us porn i'm gonna take it off we've got a respectable dick
00:45:35.740
on this oh all i know about this guy is he is a blast to party with oh my god he's got a toad toad
00:45:41.820
on a scale of one to scrum diddly umptious please your score sir like i said this one surpasses
00:45:47.020
scrum diddly umptious for me this is yeah this is on a totally new scale we're gonna have to create
00:45:51.740
a new scale delicioso this is why it does it for toad because toad is a pun guy and he likes the pun of
00:45:57.740
scrum diddly umptious and then it's a bigger stuff it's almost unfair like he knows this this
00:46:02.780
audience member knows this host so intimately that he's gamed this system that's true and it plays
00:46:07.820
into he's taken to food weenie roast is the name of the game too yeah toad's weenie roast so he's
00:46:13.260
he's going all out this guy probably could have got you to rent a car for him this is uh
00:46:19.660
yeah more than that i'm i'm not uh that was clint that was me that was me that was clint
00:46:27.020
as the resident as the resident heterosexual i know exactly how to name i'm going with a new one
00:46:31.580
of this scales of dick measurements this stick is uh wildly wienerific oh why are we terrific i am so
00:46:39.180
sorry to the audience that we did that i just like that we had people pay to travel dress in cloaks
00:46:48.860
to come and see a mustard covered penis this is a american dream right here ladies and gentlemen this is
00:46:56.460
what we're bringing to you this is an american dick presentation too man this is a baseball
00:47:02.140
reference it's a ballpark we the american pastime man it's putting your dick in a hot dog bun
00:47:06.300
you know what the the owner of the venue so confused because yesterday we kept saying that
00:47:09.980
he was bringing drag queens on the stage and we said why are you bringing trannies and he's like
00:47:13.500
these guys are homophobic and weird next thing you know they're on stage presenting gong you
00:47:17.980
read us all wrong sir you thought you you don't know who the we are you're hiding
00:47:23.180
from our gay feelings alex stop bringing them back up to us
00:47:31.180
you guys just entirely totally if you had to liken his uh his penis to a brand a care bear no no no which
00:47:38.620
care bear would it be no to a brand of hot dogs because obviously he was trying to do that like
00:47:45.740
you would you say to me it's a hebrew national it's like it's very nice yeah hebrew national
00:47:51.900
maybe they're not like thick enough though like we're showing cock right this is on the side he
00:47:57.340
just goes what the is wrong with you you guys set the bar high we just do it a little bit more
00:48:03.580
straight we're doing prop comedy they went they talked for an hour like oh no rtc's go too good for
00:48:09.260
cock i think it's uh it's more of a nathan you want to come on grab a mic give royce give royce
00:48:15.420
a white rice hey hey david get the out of here i'm getting out of here gladly gladly bowing out
00:48:21.100
thank you thank you crushing this is what david says crushing i give david a round of
00:48:25.900
never said rotc wasn't fine with cock okay so let's let's start that okay wait are we are we
00:48:34.380
guys hold on hold on top are we crowning a victor for this yeah we do need to announce a winner david
00:48:40.220
should get a vote did you see the dick though royce yeah bro that's walking outside i want to go
00:48:44.220
smoke a joint you want to see it again no i have the capability i go i walk outside i go to merch
00:48:50.860
they go they just put a dick on the screen and he goes yeah isn't that cool i guess i guess it's cool
00:48:59.420
we're the next generation baby oh my god we're literal dick joe comics royce uh like just never
00:49:06.380
changed there right it's still about dick jokes and farts always trying to be esoteric stuff it's like
00:49:11.420
fucking nope that's been later again royce royce going back to basics can you ballpark how many dicks
00:49:17.100
you've seen in your life ballpark is a great uh sorry that's the hot dog that i was thinking of
00:49:24.540
yeah against my will or on purpose because that's really fully comprehensive okay alternative porn count
00:49:31.340
yes it's fully comprehensive oh man just ballpark how are we grading by color no just fucking just
00:49:38.540
every cumulative like cumulative penises do i have to do it in inches yeah if you give us an inch
00:49:44.380
well then it's crocs across america i've seen a lot of dicks dude well that's a good point do you
00:49:51.420
think we've seen enough dicks that if you line them up you know tip to end that you could actually go
00:49:55.820
across the entire country i don't i clear my fucking browsing history i couldn't tell you dude i haven't
00:50:01.980
kept score dude what's funny is like uh people are like why is america getting so like going so much
00:50:07.660
downhill it's like i think we're just seeing so much more dick dick than before like like if you're
00:50:13.100
like if you live in the 40s you probably saw three dicks in your life your dad like your grandmother
00:50:22.540
you saw your dad's and your uncle's twice very memorably twice but then like and then like you get into
00:50:29.580
like the 90s the internet comes out it's like all of a sudden i'm seeing millions of dicks yeah just
00:50:34.220
like what were you searching for that i was getting i was getting mortal combat fatality codes what are
00:50:40.940
we doing i was searching for millions of dicks well that makes sense that makes sense i gotta see what
00:50:46.460
i'm up against you know what i'm saying yeah this is did you write you have a game genie too
00:50:51.820
a game oh that's like old school choice did you have a game genie you're my age yeah i
00:50:55.260
fucking had a game genie am i gonna beat games normal hell yeah bro yeah i'm a spick bro i cheat
00:51:00.300
the best i can get out of here royce i was gonna ask you if you steal from walmart yes i still i miss
00:51:06.140
spick i steal from walmart if walmart didn't want me to steal they'd have a cashier instead of self
00:51:11.660
check out right anybody else i will pay for the dog food not for the hdmi cord that's underneath it
00:51:17.580
hey but by show of that's mine hold on hold on by show of hands how many of your wives steal from walmart
00:51:31.300
How many of your body pillows steal from Walmart?
00:51:37.300
Because, like, literally it was funny because my wife-
00:51:40.300
My wife comes home and she's like, to lessen the blow of when she goes out, she's going
00:51:45.300
shopping, and she's lessened the blow to me and she goes, like, I got all this stuff.
00:51:49.300
She's like, but I only bought, like, 50% of it.
00:52:21.300
That doesn't mean it's not thrilling, additionally.
00:52:25.300
I mean, like, there's a little bit of the thrill.
00:52:26.300
But she does the whole, like, stack this on top of this and then just scan the bottom
00:52:42.300
Cosmetics are, like, kind of the perfect item to steal, because I'm not telling you to
00:52:45.300
do that, but they're, like, really small and they're expensive, so it's pretty good.
00:52:51.300
I like to imagine that Toad just steals specifically.
00:52:55.300
And he puts it on in the mirror and goes, you're fucking disgusting.
00:53:03.300
I knew a lady who stole a lot of cosmetics, though, back in the day.
00:53:09.300
I was actually gonna ask you, like, I don't have any clue what cosmetics cost.
00:53:14.300
Well, I mean, I have a wife, so I know they're expensive.
00:53:21.300
Yeah, like, the only reason he would know is if he's literally doing what you described.
00:53:26.300
I'd like to imagine Toad just, like, perusing the cosmetics aisle with, like, hand on hip,
00:53:30.300
like, eh, maybe they didn't raise their prices.
00:53:41.300
He puts his hand and goes, no, that's gonna wash me out.
00:53:50.300
I'm gonna need you to crown a winner of Coctober, which will, I might add, unseat Raven from his throne.
00:53:58.300
Well, Raven is still the champion of 2023, though.
00:54:07.300
I'm telling you, I wish you could see, because Toad, Toad has a, Toad has this, like, uh,
00:54:12.300
this weird, like, thing where he likes to overhype dicks.
00:54:18.300
I thought he was gonna say, Toad has a weird penis.
00:54:28.300
My parents did it to me when I was three, so it was kind of...
00:54:45.300
Yo, Front Row says, hey, let's see the reigning champion's dick.
00:54:48.300
He's just, like, literally asking to see David's dick.
00:54:53.300
You can just, you can just go fucking look, dude.
00:55:00.300
I'm sure for $2, he'll show you after the show.
00:55:02.300
He's got a picture of it on his shirt right now.
00:55:11.300
They'd flash you on the bus and now pay a cent.
00:55:14.300
It was Sunday school, Boy Scouts, camping trips.
00:55:36.300
And if you're a woman, I don't care about your opinion.
00:55:42.300
I'd like to imagine, because Emily does watch the show, I'd like to imagine that you watch
00:55:46.300
it like this all the time, which is just incredible.
00:55:59.300
And if I cared about what you thought, it would mean something.
00:56:06.300
Toad, you can have an opinion when you get the job.
00:56:10.300
Only landowning males can have an opinion around here.
00:56:32.300
Before you answer, Toad, Toad, the way you hyped up two weeks ago's dick, if you go against
00:56:47.300
He was salivating talking about this dude's dick.
00:56:49.300
You're going to tell me that's not the most tremendous dick of this month?
00:56:55.300
Marshall Banana is the winner of Cocktober 2024.
00:57:07.300
Marshall Banana, you get a car rented to any destination you want for one full week.
00:57:33.300
We actually do have a lane edit, but I don't know if we should play it.
00:57:40.300
For those that aren't familiar with Tower Gang, we're going to watch a laney edit.
00:57:42.300
Our resident tranny makes an incredible edit of our highlights from our past week.
00:57:56.300
So, the way this is going to work is that we can show the people in-house the video,
00:58:00.300
but we can't show it to Rumble because it's not...
00:58:07.300
We'll post it to Rumble eventually though, I assume.
00:58:35.300
Bear with us through the technical difficulties.
00:58:41.300
Watching a Puerto Rican try to figure out an iPad.
00:59:21.540
This laney edit is too extreme for the theater.
00:59:25.780
If you were a professional broadcaster, you would have downloaded the video before.
00:59:29.300
I had it downloaded, you motherfucker, and you won't play with sound after I've downloaded it.
00:59:42.880
I can't believe that Lainey found a way to actually play video in video in real time.
00:59:55.080
Everybody act surprised at the part we just saw.
01:00:34.220
If I had used masturbation more readily, I probably wouldn't have herpes.
01:00:47.220
If I'm not lying, my cousin would 100% tell me how to jerk off.
01:00:51.220
If you're gonna tell me how big this dude's dick is, I'm gonna mute your fucking mic.
01:01:03.220
Do they have like milking cables for chicks though with like two holes or their kids go through and then you can milk them through it?
01:01:19.220
Do you know chicks though with like two holes or their kids go through and then you can milk them through it?
01:01:35.220
This is like getting blue balls and I kind of...
01:01:42.220
This is really like me getting a blowjob like it's just
01:01:53.440
It's like you can free me for pedophilia, but I will not watch a lady
01:01:57.340
Seriously, this is our 200th episode of tagging. We really sincerely from the bottom of my heart
01:02:01.740
Thank you guys so much for coming out. It's fucking dream to do this shit. We were in all of us were inspired
01:02:06.420
At least I was from Legion of Skanks. I've been you know, basically Dave Smith's fucking
01:02:21.580
Just giving like a he's like a heartfelt like really thank you guys for coming out and it means a lot
01:02:27.420
From pretty far to see this retarded shit, and I do thank you. It's like dick
01:02:35.220
Exactly, thank you guys for coming you know such a long distance just to see a really long cock
01:02:39.760
I'll pay anyone five hundred dollars male or female to fuck toad tonight. Oh
01:02:47.220
No, I mean you wouldn't accept it. All right, so I tried I tried
01:02:55.120
You can't put it all right guys all right guys listen. It's been real. It's been tower gang Wednesday. Thank you guys for fucking hanging out
01:03:00.960
We're gonna do some stuff in a couple minutes. So hang tight and plays out with some music Alex
01:03:05.840
It's a tower power hour bitch. No way, Jose Liberty lock down
01:03:19.300
Tower gang, tower gang, tower gang, tower gang, tower gang