Ep 220 - Mister Patriot (Preview)
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 7 minutes
Words per Minute
194.3616
Hate Speech Sentences
131
Summary
It's the 4th of July and Joe Biden is on the hot seat, and it's not a good one. Joe Biden has been on the show before, but it's nothing like this! He's got a great sense of humor, and he doesn't care what you think about it.
Transcript
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The ultimate middle finger to people who hate you anyway.
00:00:51.400
Do you want to turn their mild annoyance into a full-blown meltdown?
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I'm talking about offensive, off-the-page comments that scream,
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I'd apologize, but I don't think you'd believe me.
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And we live in that sweet spot where your style and your words hit like a sledgehammer on the head of your favorite politician.
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So why play it safe when you can blow it up entirely?
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If you're too retarded to stop, and you're too real to worry about being liked by everybody,
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Go to TopLobster.com, grab a shirt, grab a hoodie, grab a sweater.
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Because if they hate you already, you might as well give them something spectacular to complain about.
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As much as dumb stuff as black people do and as often as they go to prison,
00:03:04.080
If you want a million dollar idea, right there you go.
00:03:08.080
Put some beans in a dildo, fuck the dildo, and then sell the beans.
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I feel like what I say about black people one day is going to come to bite me in the ass.
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Toad, the next cock that was up, do you ever think about it still?
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I think it was the one that you guys all said was terrible.
00:04:01.080
Oh wait, was that Conspiracy Extremis, the one with the herpes on it?
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I was like, man, I haven't even thought about Joe Biden in a hot minute.
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Oh, I was just snacking on bacon like a motherfucker.
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Cole already told his best story and he did it in the pre-show, which is always a mistake.
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And I had a stroke today, I think, and I've lost money.
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I'm back with you after the worst day that I could possibly have.
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Now that I don't really talk to you guys during the week, I get to find out what are you doing today.
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And Clint almost ended it with his Joe Biden joke.
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I mean, that show was this week, so I had a horrible day that day.
00:06:08.080
You would think that when somebody asked Toad about his day or week, he would be ready to tell you.
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Today at work, my entire left side went numb inexplicably.
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I love this to tell this is where you go when we ask for a summation of your week.
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I was like Rick Allen while coding though, instead of being behind the drum kit.
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Meanwhile, I'm like thinking I might die at the same time.
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But I was without the use of my left arm and hand for probably a few hours.
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He told us in his betting chat, he was like, my left hand is numb.
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And he was like, I'm not going to the hospital.
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Oh, because the last time I did that, I was in the ER for like a bunch of hours.
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What are they going to do for left side numbness?
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Okay, wait, let's figure out how to do this because StreamYard has fucked it.
00:07:41.080
And a lot of people think that a blind person can't play football.
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But this courageous youngster has proven those people wrong.
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And how does this tie into anything we were just talking about?
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Earlier someone said, what the fuck is going on?
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So we did all that just because someone said, what the fuck is going on?
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But I was like, I can't believe he's really bringing the video up just for that.
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I mean, he has everything going for him except for eyesight.
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Do you think that was kind of like, I want to say almost animal cruelty because I don't
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think blind people are on the same level as us.
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Oh, we should rank disabilities on like how, like who's the most subhuman?
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They're kind of like, like, what was that movie that there was something that basically
00:09:29.080
was saying the autistic people were like the next beautiful mind.
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There was a movie that it was basically like autistic people are the next evolution of humans.
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Is it like we're going to break off into two evolutionary paths and we have retards and autists?
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That's the whole premise of the telepathy tapes is that these nonverbal retards are
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Before I kill you on this, Clint, how does my quality look?
00:10:18.080
I've been tuning in almost every day just to nag David about lifting, which they never
00:10:26.080
I never see them read comments, but it's just funny because-
00:10:35.080
But it's funny because I heard them talking about, they were like, the devil of the wind
00:10:39.080
was, and they're talking about like Katy Perry, something like that.
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And then you bring up the telepathy tapes and like, Top's like, this fucking bullshit.
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Top, you do look like you're becoming more Muslim.
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I feel like you're about to, yeah, like command, like take command-
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Do you think it's your hatred of Jews is turning you into like a super Muslim?
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It's like, you know, when you're around your wife a lot, you start to like look like her.
00:11:08.080
So yeah, I'm becoming Muslim or more Spanish, which is disgusting.
00:11:15.080
But listen, the telepathy tapes, we're not going to let Maddie disrupt us.
00:11:27.080
He'll buy whatever you fucking tell him at that point.
00:11:31.080
And he said to me, you don't get the kind of gifts that I have if you lie.
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Let's please multiply two numbers and see if he gets it.
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I was wondering, cause I was looking at the two the whole time and I saw his hand going
00:12:03.080
Why are his mind and my mind completely connected?
00:12:06.080
I knew that a lot of people would think, boy, Diane thought I'd be then.
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It's just a white woman being like, my little boy is special.
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I was like, your little boy just threw shit at the one.
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One of these kids drowned in a bathtub at the end of this.
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He couldn't fucking telepathically understand to swim.
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He told people goodbye and he made peace with everybody.
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No, I just think if you're, I just think if you're the next.
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I just think if you're the next evolution of humans, you should be able to do something
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Basically, you can like see things with your mind and get like, and also communicate with
00:13:37.080
I think if not for Professor X, you would not know what telepathy is.
00:13:41.080
I get the difference between telepathy and telekinesis.
00:13:48.080
So, Top, you're clowning on me because I listened to a podcast and I found it interesting.
00:13:54.080
Because I know that you, I know for sure you cried when you listened to it.
00:13:58.080
You're the perfect target audience for believing that these fucking retards are superheroes.
00:14:02.080
I mean, four other retards talked me into doing a podcast for three years straight.
00:14:10.080
I want to ask, because Dylan brings up a great point.
00:14:13.080
They never use these magic powers for monetary reasons.
00:14:16.080
Because I feel like if it was a Jewish telepath, they would try to use this to like.
00:14:24.080
He's mind controlling a large percentage of the population.
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I Googled her name, Kai Dickens, and I like did an early life check.
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And I couldn't find if she was Jewish or not, but I have suspicions.
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I think that this is, they're trying to tell us that these retarded kids are better than
00:14:44.080
They were like, like his special telepathy power is they're like, what is this smell?
00:14:48.080
And every time he just says shit, like that's all he can smell is just like, smells of shit.
00:14:52.080
Doomsay crackers say Clint is practically a middle-aged white woman.
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Did you hear about the retarded children and the magical powers they have?
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Talk about them themselves and then just hear them go.
00:15:17.080
And then these serious scientists are going to, oh my God, did you see what they just
00:15:30.080
Was one of the things actually like the whole like, like calculator, because I've seen Asian
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kids, no lie, like on like America's got talent, do the human calculator thing, but
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The issue is, is that these people are, are non-communicative.
00:15:46.080
So like they thought that these people were fucking basically brain dead.
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And then they realized that these kids were able to communicate and communicate things
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And they, look, I am the first to admit this may very well be a con.
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And if it is, I got, got, but, but I've, I've never even, that's the first time I've
00:16:07.080
So I don't even, what if we unlocked an occultic door that shouldn't be open.
00:16:14.080
Clint is usually like the most skeptical of all of us.
00:16:22.080
I have a lot of thoughts about the telepathy tapes, but I think that there is.
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And then there's this, and then there's this one thing that's kind of woo woo.
00:16:36.080
Is this a big, why isn't this a big story more?
00:16:43.080
Derek can't communicate nonverbal with cerebral palsy.
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When I met Derek, I sat in the class with him and provided communication support.
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Facilitators were doing this thinking they were giving people the ability to be able to communicate.
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She looked at Derek and said, do you want me to tell them?
00:17:00.080
And he said, you know, I've dreamed about this.
00:17:16.080
So there's a thing called assisted typing where they touch their hand and then they type like that because they need some sort of sensory input.
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At the time I was like, huh, I don't believe this bitch.
00:17:41.080
Usually I'm on the side of the, like, you know, those like really hot teachers that are banging.
00:17:54.080
But this woman, partially because she's an ugly bitch, but also because.
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Dude, this is a, this is a fucking black retard with, with cerebral palsy.
00:18:02.080
Like, you think he's going to be doing much better?
00:18:04.080
Well, I was, I was about to ask, how do you get fucked by someone with cerebral palsy?
00:18:09.080
So you're saying that I should meet up with this woman?
00:18:20.080
You're like a, you're like the, you're the biggest, you're not trying to get pussy.
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You go your whole life not experiencing the love of a woman because you're so fucking cool.
00:18:43.080
I did that before the show to see how I'd react to you guys and it made me like you less
00:18:49.080
I thought that I'd come here and be more chill, but I feel a little bit more aggro.
00:18:53.080
So, so when your sexual tension is taken away, so when you have sexual tension, you like us
00:19:05.080
Or does this get, does this kind of get you going a little?
00:19:09.080
It's like, it's like after you just fuck and you're like, do I want to watch porn right
00:19:17.080
You're just like, I don't even like, we're your pornography.
00:19:20.080
Or for Cole, it happens because he's like that blow job didn't do anything.
00:19:33.080
But so you, you already got your release, so you don't need this anymore.
00:19:38.080
I, I, I, I told my wife, I said, uh, should I even go down there?
00:19:43.080
Like to do this, by the way, I asked my wife that all the time too.
00:19:49.080
I just came in her and I go, should I even do the show now?
00:19:57.080
Just a brief tangent, given that top insinuated that he has sexual attraction towards Cole.
00:20:03.080
What's interesting about Cole's body is that on any other stature, it'd be incredibly impressive.
00:20:10.080
But, but if you actually meet him, like if you see the photo of him, if you see the photo
00:20:17.080
But then when you meet him, you're like, oh, it's like, it's like having a fucking, it's
00:20:20.080
like a Ferrari, but it's a, you know, it's a tight bike.
00:20:27.080
Cause like, like, and I mean this sincerely, and I don't mean this as an insult, but if he
00:20:32.080
was six foot three, that would be the best body you've ever seen at five foot six.
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You were just like, basically just a tiny bit taller than me to be honest.
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It's like, uh, he has the most unimpressive, impressive body that I've ever seen.
00:21:06.080
But if you see him in person, you'd be like, it's not, it's not doing anything for
00:21:11.080
Well, just because I'm shorter, like I'm technically average height.
00:21:19.080
But that's why it makes it so great because it's me versus Raven because Raven's also the
00:21:26.080
But he has like a Latin flair to him, you know?
00:21:33.080
It's insane that he would even consider challenging you.
00:21:37.080
He was out of left field and I was like, he went so hard and I was like, all right,
00:21:47.080
It was hard and it turned me on, but he, I was like, I kind of want to talk about this
00:21:52.080
I wanted to bring him in because I wanted to be like, pick his brain and be like, what
00:22:00.080
You could, you could literally go to sleep until the competition.
00:22:10.080
I think he's just trying to look the sexiest is what it was basically.
00:22:16.080
Like this is like, as far as I know, David was just like at Bohemian Grove.
00:22:22.080
He said, I'm going to be like more like in shape and jacked and better looking than
00:22:29.080
And he was like, we'll have a body building competition.
00:22:43.080
I said this and I think I said in our chat, what I said was David can get very lean.
00:22:48.080
And I was like, and that's what he can get over me because it's going to be harder
00:22:51.080
for me to get super lean because I'm just not like, it sucks for me.
00:22:58.080
He's done the full on like, like where he cuts down like really hard.
00:23:03.080
So as far as if I can get within two to 3% of body fat of them, I'll smoke them.
00:23:08.080
But I have to get like, he's going to, he's going to go so hard because he can get lean
00:23:15.080
That's why we were talking about, let's talk about today with Matthew.
00:23:34.080
I honestly think we should have Milo Yiannopoulos judges.
00:23:41.080
Well, I said someone, Matt Rife said somebody's blind and they would be a judge.
00:23:50.080
We're all oiled up and they have to put their hands on our bodies.
00:23:55.080
And I said, there's a little, maybe do a little side pot bet of like, we all pop a Viagra
00:24:00.080
before whoever gets hard during the portion of the blind dude.
00:24:04.080
It's like, I got, I got to interject here because that is such a fucking great idea.
00:24:08.080
And if we don't do it, I'm going to be upset with you guys.
00:24:10.080
But the reason it's a great idea is that I, I fell in love with slash became addicted
00:24:23.080
I, I like binge watched it and he just, he maintains this character.
00:24:27.080
Uh, if you could pull it up, someone pull up Matan Evans, like highlights best stuff.
00:24:31.080
He, he just treats his guests like absolute shit.
00:24:34.080
And he's got these other guys that come in and they, and they like, and they don't talk.
00:24:41.080
And he tried to, he tried to steal the headphones or something from Dave, whatever.
00:24:48.080
No, he's a lunatic, but like they come up with these bits that are on the fly.
00:24:54.080
It's just like throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks.
00:24:56.080
But I'm telling you this idea that Cole just said, having a blind guy judge a bodybuilding
00:25:03.080
And if you get hard, you lose like, come on, but he's the judge too.
00:25:09.080
So if one of you gets, gets hard, then you have to fuck Milo.
00:25:23.080
Are we looking at your, uh, your post notifications?
00:25:34.080
Oh, is he just like flexing and like Milo likes something.
00:25:38.080
So yeah, this is the one that he's the one that said, uh, result in deportation.
00:25:41.080
Should they occasionally reward me with one of them?
00:25:48.080
Whenever I can, like, I'm going to report your father after this podcast.
00:25:54.080
I'm not going to give away my secret, but I don't get rewarded right now.
00:25:58.080
They can just give me the guy and then I'll, I'll work him.
00:26:01.080
I think you're in the wrong time period for that one.
00:26:13.080
And he was like, um, if you're running a gym and a Jew comes to you and says, I was promised
00:26:19.080
a gym membership 4,000 years ago, would you let him enter your gym?
00:26:27.080
Uh, he had Whitney Cummings on and, and he goes like, do you think you, do you think that
00:26:32.080
you are the funniest of all transvestite comedians?
00:26:34.080
And like, I mean, it's like, I understand Jose's knee jerk reaction to say, I hate this kid.
00:26:41.080
I'm telling you, if you watch him for a while, you just start to love it.
00:26:55.080
Dude, I read, I read what I've been reading through the comments from my tinfoil hat that
00:26:58.080
there was one guy that like literally, cause I mentioned I'd name dropped you at the very
00:27:03.080
Cause I plugged top lobster.com and he goes, you had me up until the top loves to thing.
00:27:08.080
And it's like, and I, I guess you got me for the whole thing, but yeah, no more.
00:27:13.080
And you're like, so it's like literally all just, I don't know why he, this guy hates
00:27:16.080
you, but just like, he apparently enjoyed the entire episode.
00:27:25.080
I lost a listen to you cause he top, top thinks he has no haters.
00:27:33.080
I've got lots of haters and I, and I recognize that, but you just block them.
00:27:39.080
Like if someone hates me, I go, why would you hate?
00:27:44.080
I don't understand why you would even think that you must be not even exist.
00:27:48.080
It's like, yeah, it doesn't even like, it doesn't compute.
00:27:50.080
Like it's like, this is like, it just like whatever.
00:27:54.080
This, this is where top and toad kind of have like a, like a link of this autism thing
00:27:59.080
of like, if I don't like get it, it doesn't exist or like, and I just like, whatever.
00:28:04.080
No, actually that's a really good point because top thinks everybody likes him and, and toad
00:28:15.080
I'm trying to figure out what you're even, what are you, what are you saying?
00:28:18.080
Cause the words that you're putting next to each other, uh, don't make any sense.
00:28:21.080
I'm saying that you guys are the same, but in the, in the inverse, you believe everyone
00:28:27.080
Toad, I know you were trying to get, someone was trying to set you up this week.
00:28:36.080
Did you, are you going to be falling in love with a, uh, with a crunchy homeless progressive
00:28:50.080
Jeremy Kaufman was trying to set up, uh, Toad with, uh, Blackfire, whatever her name
00:29:01.080
But like, and like he was really trying and I was like, and yeah, there'd be such a great
00:29:17.080
Just not because he's doing it because he's trying to screw over Justin O'Donnell.
00:29:24.080
I just, I'm like, let me see who this bitch is.
00:29:34.080
I mean, she's just kind of dumb, but like, there's no way.
00:29:45.080
Well, the thing is, I don't think either can fix each other.
00:30:01.080
I mean, I guess the poison would get his dick wet.
00:30:05.080
And he would get him in the game at least, you know?
00:30:09.080
And it's just because I gave the story in the pre-show about Toad leaving his own chat
00:30:14.080
because of a misunderstanding that was his fault.
00:30:22.080
That wing of the party genuinely believes that Toad's a fascist.
00:30:27.080
I mean, that would make it quite the power couple if he pulled that off.
00:30:56.080
I've never been able to envision Toad with a woman, right?
00:30:59.080
Now, I thought about it, and I was like, I could see him with some hood bitch.
00:31:09.080
Like, you look like a dude who would be with a black chick.
00:31:17.080
No, you look like a dude who would be with a black chick.
00:31:19.080
Not a fat chick, a black chick, you dumb bitch.
00:31:42.080
And I actually kind of got it, but I just was going to let you sit with it.
00:31:47.080
It's like he tried to relate it, and it was like, there's no relation.
00:31:58.080
I'm saying, you look like a dude that would be dating a black chick.
00:32:04.080
Well, what I'm saying is very clear, and it's true.
00:32:07.080
I understand what you're saying, but I don't understand why.
00:32:09.080
There's two types of white guys that date black chicks.
00:32:17.080
It's more like the kind of almost homeless wigger.
00:32:19.080
Like the guy you see outside of like a 7-Eleven type of wigger.
00:32:26.080
The second one is the toe type, which is like the short, fat, bald man that just wants-
00:32:38.080
But then he wears a fitted cap to be down with the culture.
00:32:42.080
He goes to the cookouts, but he stays real quiet.
00:32:52.080
Maybe somebody could clarify, but I just, I didn't read.
00:33:06.080
Brad Keith Sigmund, or we're supposed to guess how this went down.
00:33:10.080
So my read on this, because I sent this to somebody else a while ago, whenever it first
00:33:26.080
It says, breaking a South Carolina man is executed by firing squad, the first U.S. prisoner
00:33:36.080
My thought was, okay, so with the new way, I was like, does the military do the firing
00:33:47.080
You think this is legitimately a military function?
00:33:50.080
Like this is like, oh we're gonna give the military for this?
00:33:55.080
Is the military the one that carries out the firing squad?
00:33:58.080
That's to me, that's what it would be- it wouldn't be the bunch of cops- like cops?
00:34:00.080
the cops? I think it's the prison. I would think it would be
00:34:06.020
or state. The judicial system doesn't mean anything.
00:34:08.160
Who are you talking about? It says he was strapped to a chair.
00:34:09.760
It's not like a judge who's going to get up there and shoot him.
00:34:15.140
I volunteer to be the front of the firing squad.
00:34:23.900
Can we bring our own guns or do you provide the guns?
00:34:36.440
It's almost like a shooting race. One guy just brings a
00:35:36.140
You'd be using the military on the American people.
00:35:47.340
I don't even know if he can function right now.
00:48:42.700
He's going to try to come in here and seriously talk.
00:48:45.060
Can we only ask him questions about his mother?
00:48:57.500
do you think she would have loved your Pierce Morgan?
00:49:00.600
I don't think we should go for the mom thing off the,
00:49:06.700
go to Twitter and tag this guy right now and let him know to check his DMS.
00:49:11.360
it would be fun to put him on the show just for like five minutes or something.
00:49:29.400
Is that your mom's dying wish that you become alpha male,
00:49:37.000
there's this guy online that I want you to take care of,
00:49:57.480
Could Clint turn toad into a success before toad manages to crash and burn
00:50:16.080
And now everything that I do has an impact on Clint.
00:50:19.640
Like could Clint using your vehicle of a body go through life and be
00:50:32.980
is that what turning toad into a success would is,
00:50:37.300
he's already relatively successful financially.
00:51:07.020
I could get laid in two weeks in your body toad.
00:51:20.260
you should probably go hit the gym and work out some.
00:51:35.920
So that means you have 12 hours after I lied to the people.
00:51:47.420
You have nine hours of your life now that you're just like,
00:51:52.980
Like I can't fit in 45 minutes or even 30 minutes.
00:52:07.840
He's a guy who buys a machine that turns food into gambling.
00:52:39.120
That's the only person you're competing against.
00:52:41.460
because you're in the bodybuilding competition.
00:52:48.500
I didn't want to make him feel as if I'm talking shit.
00:52:50.360
It's just that Skull is fucking jig act for a 5'4".
00:53:10.640
He's going to be leaning down and I'm going to be leaning down.
00:53:13.640
then it's just a matter of opinion at that point.
00:53:48.520
Everyone on our rumble channel go over there right now.
00:53:59.140
They would think if this tower gang was so well known,
00:54:16.840
so aren't you guys kind of proving my point that you guys are all in some like discord server together?
00:54:22.280
You're all just like sitting around chatting with each other.
00:54:26.720
we're going to go over to this guy's page and we're going to spam him.
00:54:32.080
We literally get our orders straight from Putin.
00:54:34.860
Russell raped me when I was six and sold me the truth.
00:54:59.020
These guys represent both sides of malnutrition.
00:55:23.000
He was saying that our audience is bots just like Ian Carroll's following.
00:55:29.700
I like that they think bots are telling them to go like,
00:55:46.580
I guess it would be pretty cool to have him come over and be like,
00:56:01.220
I want them to progressively increase the violence that you're going to give to him.
00:56:10.660
my favorite part about the raid is the rug pull at the end when they go from the 150 or whatever it's going to be viewers down back to like the 25.
00:56:55.960
Cause we have like a 165 people still here in the rumble chat watching.
00:57:07.320
They probably have theirs on silent and then ours on to know what to do.
00:57:14.840
You rug pull them down and they go back to like having nobody there watching.
00:57:26.200
Can you imagine having your mom die and then you go on Piers Morgan and then you live stream with this dude from Tiger King?
00:57:52.840
Agitate is a muscle fag and you are just a fag.
00:58:09.440
I would feel such bad if this would be your gang of trolls.
00:58:19.580
Do you remember when Tate was like on the plane?
00:58:31.080
This guy is literally famous for sucking Joe Exotic's gods.
00:58:45.840
you're saying it seriously started out with like a 30 viewers before when we popped in there at first?
00:59:05.900
We were either like 3x to 5x their audience for like about five minutes.
00:59:49.100
We're about to hit an hour so that's around the time.
00:59:56.720
That's what he gets for fucking doing that for you.
01:00:00.040
That's what he gets for fucking outfitting me and mogging me in front of the whole world.
01:00:08.880
Well, your mom's dead and look how big our audience is.
01:00:18.880
We'll watch a Lainey edit and then we're going to go to the private room to finish the show.
01:00:25.460
We're doing a thing now where I'm able to delete all the curse words, so we're back on YouTube.
01:00:38.660
All right, so the most recent ones will be up and live on YouTube.
01:00:42.160
Right up until the Lainey edit, in which case we will then cut that because it's really no way to edit a Lainey edit.
01:00:49.600
Too much murder, too much copyright infringement.
01:00:51.680
But I don't know what YouTube doesn't like more, the murder or the copyright infringement.
01:01:03.260
So I'm pretty sure copyright infringement is way worse than murder.
01:01:05.660
Murder is fine depending on who the murdery is.
01:01:25.380
My favorite part that happens in a podcast, especially for an audio listener, is everybody
01:01:30.560
They're like, did I fucking pause this shit or something?
01:02:08.500
How much is the she's going to look like her mom?
01:02:50.640
Remember that episode where we just like looked at a bunch of horse pussy?
01:03:10.360
That picture that I pulled up of that horse clitoris kind of reminded me of Andrew Tate.
01:03:26.120
Do you think his head's as sensitive as a clitoris?
01:03:32.360
Let's be professionals and ask pertinent questions here.
01:03:34.360
Guys need to stop blaming the Jews for everything, which I thought was kind of like...
01:03:49.580
Black people and kangaroos have a lot in common.
01:04:10.300
Like if you think about it, they fucking can jump like crazy high.
01:04:18.060
For a while you weren't being very racist, but you got there.
01:04:32.620
If big black women had pouches, like kangaroo pouches, I would probably live in one.
01:04:39.580
And the queen of life makes me shine in the room.
01:04:45.880
I don't know why you would like him given that he's Indian.
01:05:30.300
No, like we don't know where the line is, but we're always over it.
01:06:24.480
If you want to catch the rest of the show, head over to patreon.com forward slash tower gang.
01:06:31.600
If you head there now, you can watch the rest of the episode or listen to the episode in its entirety.
01:06:35.220
If not, wait a little bit and we will release it to the general public.
01:06:39.240
But if you want to be a terrorist, a towerist, tower gang towerist, fucking laney boy.
01:06:46.320
If you want to be a dangerous retard, head over there.