Tower Gang - Ep 36 - Free Range Pussy w⧸ Josh Denny

00:00:00.000 guys want it what's up retards the funniest 9-11 jokes were written on 9-12 women jerk off

00:00:05.260 dick like fucking they're an unruly ferret yeah you ever had a 9-11 cocktail it's in manhattan

00:00:12.600 with two kamikazes you see the socialists don't have an accurate answer for this and she needs

00:00:19.520 to account for it white women must be stopped that's right what yeah we can stay horny and

00:00:27.280 retarded longer than she can stay sane what your ass ass to penis ratio maybe you could say we had

00:00:34.080 sex but we didn't fuck oh jesus fat dave fuck you man

00:00:40.960 what is i just i'll say for the first time without a shirt on we are back with another episode

00:00:55.020 damn is your fucking delf look nice too jesus christ keep it in your pants fat dave sorry

00:01:03.380 we have uh two guests tonight one because nobody else wanted to come on with us of our regular 30

00:01:10.560 hosts and also josh denny what's up man what's up guys i didn't know we were getting naked so early

00:01:17.400 on this thing and nobody sent me a text or a push notification

00:01:21.600 this is how we roll on thursdays man just uh it's thursday night

00:01:27.700 this guy this guy here thinks he's flea he's got the bass hanging in the background he's wearing

00:01:33.200 only a cock sock

00:01:34.300 he also jizzed into it already so it's it's already all dry

00:01:41.140 come on man you're supposed to save that for the encore

00:01:43.740 you do it you're supposed to do it when we play scar tissue you know the fucking routine

00:01:49.120 well he just came from the meeting already so yes

00:01:52.140 yeah he did he went to the lp meeting also like this he was just just in there shirt off

00:01:58.460 wait a minute did you call it an lp meeting because i think you're saying lp like it's a libertarian party

00:02:04.160 but i hope you know that lp also means little people and i really hope it's that one

00:02:09.260 dude that'd be sick if there's a midget midget meeting yeah

00:02:13.600 yeah that's if you ever watch that show little people big world they just call each other lps

00:02:19.320 all the time which is kind of funny because they're actually built more like an ep

00:02:24.500 if we're being honest

00:02:25.940 is that for erect penis

00:02:30.540 no no it's a i'm talking it's a joke about the length of records

00:02:36.240 sam would not know anything about length so

00:02:41.160 yeah i'm a with guy

00:02:44.300 my favorite thing about a song is it's girth

00:02:48.460 that's how i judge good music

00:02:51.000 we usually we usually wait to get into the dick to ass ratio

00:02:54.420 what the hell man

00:02:56.800 yeah wouldn't that wouldn't that be a weird thing for us to find out is that the uh

00:03:02.300 the dimensions of your penis are an exact negative of the dimensions of your asshole

00:03:07.220 like that's something that never none of us will probably ever find out but what have you found that out like what have you found out that they're just like it's like a cookie cutter inversion of what your the inside of your asshole is like

00:03:20.220 yeah like if you take a mold of your asshole and then it just comes out and it's exactly your dick

00:03:24.140 it's a mold of your dick

00:03:25.140 it's pretty fucking weird yeah

00:03:26.020 well do you remember him saying that he can fuck his own ass

00:03:29.100 oh yeah yeah it was he was saying

00:03:32.280 oh uh the it's called the hole in one yeah we discussed that

00:03:35.900 yeah maybe that's where the phrase go fuck yourself came

00:03:39.680 the guy's like i can't and then another scientist like isaac newton was like actually uh if you bend over you'll find that the inside of your asshole is an exact

00:03:50.200 replica the outside of your penis

00:03:52.540 well i don't know if you remember growing up because i had people tell me this that like the vagina was just an inverted penis and also vice versa

00:03:59.720 and i always thought that was just like oh that makes it then i'm like that's the most retarded shit i've ever heard of

00:04:04.540 yeah that's it sounds like somebody was trying to transition you my friend

00:04:11.440 well that's that is what they do in elementary school now probably when you're about eight they just

00:04:18.780 try to uh tell you that you're trans at this point i think that's what sex ed is now

00:04:23.320 oh yeah thinking about it it was at that at the library and there was that weird looking woman up front that had a manly voice that was a really weird sign for me

00:04:31.180 hey uh you're you're seven now you want us to push that thing back in for you or

00:04:36.740 oh man i didn't know that was an option don't i have to win some olympic gold medals first

00:04:45.020 it's like in call of duty when you prestige like once you get some gold medals in the olympics you

00:04:56.160 have to do a complete reset so you gotta start

00:04:59.940 you gotta get your socks off and you gotta get titties

00:05:02.760 you gotta go back to the beginning redo it

00:05:05.780 that's just what happens when you win the decathlon like it's it's like uh it's like the soul stone in

00:05:11.580 avengers you just wake up in a pool of water and god is like now do it over again as a woman and

00:05:16.820 you're like oh fuck

00:05:17.940 can we just go back and do the snap again please that would be better for me

00:05:24.180 also your daughter is um going to be a fucking whore so just just wait for that

00:05:30.320 he's like he's like jokes on you i've got many daughters and god's like all right

00:05:35.800 jokes on me eh

00:05:37.700 we got that cancel culture says what's up dingers which is the uh the racial slur that we now use on

00:05:47.540 this show dingers that's a good one it is and uh should we should we should we tell josh about that

00:05:53.900 josh have you not heard about dingers i mean i can kind of put yeah of course the the colorado

00:05:58.400 baseball things yes exactly i had it on a segment i did it as a segment on my show and then uh

00:06:04.060 and then i had to get rid of it because i had to scrap part of that show and then it just

00:06:08.300 became untopical at the point where i was like trying to cover it so i was like it's too late now to

00:06:14.220 to put this out but yeah there were all those jokes in there dinger please

00:06:18.840 and uh and then also the other thing is like uh in the in the segment i did it's kind of like a

00:06:26.400 throwback to old weekend updates and uh i was like um yeah a lot of people don't realize that the

00:06:32.440 man behind the plate was actually yelling to the mascot and he was saying the word dinger not the n

00:06:38.240 word and he was trying to get the dingers behind him to shut the fuck up so he could keep watching

00:06:43.740 yeah those are those like a inevitable joke that you would make yeah it was it was letting all

00:06:51.980 these dingers into the ballpark jesus christ is there like a no dinger section or i thought they

00:06:58.120 were loud in the movie theater jesus christ i thought behind home plate was too expensive and i would be

00:07:02.560 fine but apparently i thought they still had their own league i don't know what's going on

00:07:06.580 i did a segment in the very first episode of next week tonight where i talked about uh wokeism

00:07:13.400 will actually bring back negro league baseball and i promise you if i had one prediction of the

00:07:19.080 culture war that is something that will happen is that there will be an all black sports league

00:07:24.800 started that will be owned by black celebrities um and people will actually celebrate it as if it's

00:07:31.260 not a fucking giant step backwards the nba has been around for at least like 50 years now

00:07:36.660 ah they let a few whites in once in a while you listen you let one in he's halfway decent they call

00:07:47.540 him the great white hope i mean he comes in i mean if he was black he'd just be another guy you know

00:07:52.340 how it is yeah he's you know how good this is what no one ever talks about you know how fucking good

00:07:57.280 you have to be to be a white guy who starts in the nba yeah like being a black ice hockey player you

00:08:05.180 know there's only like three of them right yeah because they just haven't found it yet like you

00:08:09.700 know they would take over they would if they if they ever did you know that the extra muscle in

00:08:14.900 their in their legs would definitely help on the skating dude there's a seg there was a segment on um

00:08:19.940 like an nhl show it was like a i used to watch on nhl network many years ago where a black player

00:08:26.760 came on it was basically like if economics wasn't a barrier to entry for hockey the u.s would win at

00:08:33.100 hockey all the time because black people are so much more athletic than canadians and they were talking

00:08:40.420 i mean this was a black nhl player it might have been it might have been kevin weeks but he was

00:08:45.640 basically like if these fucking blacks could afford to play hockey at the junior level and get

00:08:51.000 interested in the sport early enough we would never lose uh the olympics at hockey ever um that was

00:08:58.560 like i can't remember israelite he might be i don't know shakespeare black i thought it was one of those

00:09:07.980 things where like black people can't swim that they also can't skate no black no black people can skate

00:09:13.600 because it's just frozen water so i don't know i kind of

00:09:16.160 yeah you're not gonna need that assumption yeah no black people can skate i mean if they fall down

00:09:22.140 yes they'll drown but if they can stay upright they can also fight really good too so they get in the

00:09:28.760 nhl just beat the shit out of everybody yeah exactly like imagine imagine getting called out to fight

00:09:34.240 by the one of three black players in the nhl you're like god damn it how bad is my luck of the draw

00:09:40.140 he's like i can't really play hockey but i can really fucking fight i can't remember who made

00:09:46.360 this joke i know it's some comedian i want to say it's daniel tosh but he always talks about like

00:09:50.840 you ever wonder if like the commentators will ever just slip up like during an nfl game they're

00:09:54.900 comment they're just go god they're fast jesus christ yeah well that happens right isn't that

00:10:02.740 isn't it's a famous bill burr bit when he talks about the nick the greek moment and you know who

00:10:07.580 was the one howard cosell who just had the said some of the craziest shit you've ever heard in a

00:10:12.440 sports broadcast yo was it uh well i was gonna say gus johnson who uh is a black commentator he got

00:10:19.820 shit for like some of the things that he said where he said one where it was uh chris johnson on

00:10:25.040 the titans ran for this really long touchdown he's got to get away from the cop speed yeah

00:10:31.620 yeah i mean because they espn or nfl uh films tweeted it yesterday they like tweeted because

00:10:39.020 like they were like remember when cj2k went off and then like that was one of the clips was he got

00:10:44.100 he's got running from the cop speed yeah yeah i was watching uh shane gillis on andrew santino's

00:10:52.620 podcast and they were reminiscent santino was reminiscing about um harry carrie and just like

00:10:58.680 how in like the day games he would just get fucking half in the bag and just start talking about random

00:11:04.440 shit in the middle of the podcast he'd be like he would literally be like matt maddox out there on

00:11:09.200 the plate he winds up for the pitch look at the rack on that bitch out in the blue i'm not even

00:11:16.160 doing a harry carrie voice they'd be like oh this is a nice set up there yeah it is that's kind of

00:11:23.300 like the white bill cosby if we're really that's a harry carrie impression it was kind of like uh up

00:11:28.840 here uh the red sox had uh i think they still have jared remy as one of the commentators if they had

00:11:33.000 him and don or silloin they used to do the same thing like they just wouldn't even be talking about

00:11:37.360 the game halfway through the game there was one game where they spent like at least three innings

00:11:41.860 probably just talking about a guy who threw a slice of pizza at another guy in the stands that

00:11:46.260 got thrown out well yeah one of the best ones was uh was the NCAA championship for football

00:11:51.080 whenever the commentator just spent like five minutes talking about the quarterback's girlfriend

00:11:55.040 in the stands and he was just like yeah he's like he just talked about how hot she was

00:12:00.100 i don't know which quarterback was he's like man that chick is hot it's like dude you're like 70

00:12:06.000 and she's like 20 or whatever i'm like i don't see a problem she was miss alabama you just kept

00:12:10.940 so beautiful yeah he's just like ricky henderson steps into the batter's box of his father has just

00:12:18.400 died of syphilis syphilis really strong in the uh the black community it's something they've been

00:12:27.860 battling as a culture for hundreds of years it counts uh one and two

00:12:34.200 you knew that ricky henderson was really black because he led the league in steals so

00:12:39.720 if i was a sports commentator honestly i'll lose i would lose track of the game i fucking hate

00:12:50.000 watching sports for like long periods of time and i would just get carried away just talking about

00:12:54.000 random shit because i had the power if i had the power you would also get super high sam

00:12:58.780 like you are right now on mushrooms not super just a little bit by the way we did have a uh get

00:13:09.060 rogues uh thing because we do want to ask josh this yeah i was gonna say travis and mcgoo both

00:13:13.800 said that it was aj mccarren's girlfriend yes i forgot about him already he was alabama's

00:13:17.880 quarterback catherine webb was her name yeah from libertarian podcast he lives uh he lives really

00:13:23.500 close to me by the way yeah you hang out no i don't hang out with him but i know someone that

00:13:28.080 lives by his house rogue uh this is a question that we've asked on multiple uh shows josh buck

00:13:35.080 angel or bailey jay which one of them would you rather fuck oh god i don't think i'm familiar with

00:13:40.180 either one pull them up pull them up show me show me what we're working with uh we might get

00:13:46.160 canceled if we do if we do hold on i'll look them up we're gonna get canceled for that all right so

00:13:51.840 if i show them i have a second computer i'll look them up all right you you can you can you can show

00:13:58.240 with like safe for work on or safe for youtube basically these are two uh transgender individuals

00:14:04.580 you know one's female to male one's male to female uh so yeah oh yeah i know buck angel yeah i remember

00:14:10.840 who that is okay and then what was the other one bailey bailey jay so i gotta fuck a dude with a

00:14:16.200 pussy or a chick with a dick correct that's the devil's choice that is the devil's choice it's never

00:14:22.360 a choice i'll always fuck the chick with a dick exactly i think it really is like so the only thing

00:14:28.620 would be that if you the dude with the pussy would be just like super pitch black like don't talk i don't

00:14:36.440 want to feel you it's just almost like a a glory hole situation i'm just i'm just telling you this

00:14:40.940 right out of the gate like picture the hottest woman you know right like everybody tell who's your

00:14:45.680 dream bang like just throw it out number one chick you'd want to fuck of all time oh that's tough

00:14:51.380 actually i don't know my wife is in the other room so i'm gonna that's funny she she was my pick

00:14:57.560 as well i mean all right come on over we'll tag team her all right i've always been pretty into

00:15:06.540 charlise theron i'm gonna go okay charlise theron's a good one how about you shirtless what do you got

00:15:11.580 well you see um the girl that i'm hanging out with might be watching this show right now so

00:15:16.460 you're not married so it doesn't matter man up mustache and tell her who you're thinking about

00:15:22.300 while you're fucking her well we all want i i mean the five chicks that i'm talking to right now

00:15:26.640 it's definitely one of them say somebody like betty white though i guess my point is are you naked

00:15:31.500 right now yes so now that toad is the only person being honest uh imagine that you go from that

00:15:39.900 computer chair to somehow meeting charlise theron not only do you meet her you you hit it off and

00:15:47.800 then you guys go out to this wonderful night where you're bouncing from party to party and you get back

00:15:52.900 to her hotel and it's the most magical thing that's ever happened you have no idea how you

00:15:58.360 found yourself in this position and you get her naked and she's wonderful and then you pull her

00:16:03.240 panties off and the biggest one on the long cock flaps out in your face are you gonna let one

00:16:10.180 fucking piece of man meat stand between you and an otherwise wonderful evening well no that's what i

00:16:17.380 said i mean i would fuck her in the ass but you just go listen no one's gonna believe this story

00:16:23.320 no matter what so who cares if i suck a dick in it you know what i mean you don't have to get you

00:16:30.980 don't even have to do that you don't have to suck the dick in it i'll find myself in a hot tub with

00:16:38.280 scarlet with fucking i almost said scarlet johansson i guess i guess that's mine since

00:16:43.040 it's freudianly come out josh but yeah you know i just said and and a cock pops yeah i'm sucking it

00:16:51.420 even if it's just to complete the story you fucking weirdos oh man because what's better than like i

00:16:59.880 fucking somehow hooked up charlise there on then hey you know what else she's got a dick bro she's

00:17:08.020 got a dick and they're like did you suck like yeah did i suck it what are you talking about

00:17:11.840 of course i sucked it what am i i can find i can find if she's the one of the atomic blondes because

00:17:16.420 this joke would make sense because she's the one of the atomic blondes like finally i can watch that

00:17:19.520 movie and feel right that a man is actually beating up these people instead of

00:17:23.160 i'm just saying if a beautiful woman shows you her dick i think you have to suck it out of respect

00:17:31.980 that's all i'm saying what if it's a nasty ugly like a mangled dick like you would like you would

00:17:36.800 think like somebody that is super beautiful would have like this nice cock but it's not like it's

00:17:41.280 just so it has warts it's disgusting at that point would you be like i would get disappointed honestly

00:17:47.720 i would be like oh like i mean i might wince but i'm just gonna fucking grin and bear it because

00:17:52.800 i'm not rude you know even if you're gonna get stds out of it yeah i mean it's well first of all i

00:18:02.780 deserve i deserve lots of stds that i don't have already like i've told this i've told this story

00:18:08.900 on a podcast before but i'll tell you guys i went through a bad breakup in like 2009 and uh like

00:18:15.960 literally discovered a girl was cheating on me while she was visiting while she had just come to visit me

00:18:21.840 and uh and we got in this massive fight and it like literally resulted in me just driving her to

00:18:28.020 the airport and making her figure out how to fly herself home without any assistance and then so then

00:18:35.560 what i did was uh heartbroken and pissed off and angry i messaged the first woman i found online on

00:18:42.780 myspace that night in my neighborhood and was like let's meet up and fuck and then of course she was

00:18:49.620 like yes and then i i picked her up at a random address in long beach in the worst part of town

00:18:57.160 like she was the only white girl who lived there probably i was gonna say she was black never a good

00:19:04.020 sign uh when you're having a random hookup and so i i bring i she gets to the car she goes just so you

00:19:11.480 know uh we have a limited amount of time because i'm on house arrest and if i'm gone for more than two

00:19:17.640 hours uh this will go off and the police will be called and i go i don't need more than an hour

00:19:23.240 uh and then i bring her back to my place and she goes uh also so you know i'm on my period so you're

00:19:30.280 gonna want to like lay down a towel or definitely wear a condom and i was like i'm not doing any of

00:19:35.080 that we're already all the way in yeah you're going for the jelly donut or something i raw dog

00:19:45.480 fucked a complete stranger under house arrest unprotected bleeding everywhere and if i don't

00:19:54.440 have aids i'm pretty sure i'm immune to everything well i would just love it the cops did get called

00:20:00.680 and they're they come in they're like you just killed her with your dick yeah all the blood is

00:20:05.000 everywhere by the way it's the only time a man would ever be fine with a murder charge like go

00:20:09.560 ahead and print that one yeah because i'll tell you what's not gonna happen nobody's fucking with

00:20:14.600 me in prison that's the guy who murdered a with his dick and they'll be like the little

00:20:19.640 dick white boy like yeah he must be one of those x-men or some shit don't fuck with him

00:20:23.080 so i see him in the shower how he kills somebody with that i don't want to find out i don't want

00:20:28.920 to find out leroy all right let's not find out leave him alone so this is the cure for covid then

00:20:35.880 right is uh find some chick who's a criminal who's on her period and fuck her bloody pussy yeah i didn't

00:20:41.240 even ask like what was the crime she could have been like i'm on house arrest because i just got out

00:20:45.720 of prison i don't know i'm just telling she was just like i was i was in a dark place and i just like

00:20:52.120 threw my dick at the first bloody living hole that it could possibly find i mean so funny like uh

00:20:59.080 what'd you get out what'd you get up why are you on house arrest she's like oh they call me the black

00:21:02.360 widow killer so that's like oh okay in long beach i think you would have crossed past with a lot of

00:21:09.560 bloody holes before you found hers like yeah yeah gunshots all over the place listen for all i know

00:21:16.840 that hole could have been where her penis used to be and her last john might have ripped it off in

00:21:21.400 anger i don't know the last guy might have been not as open-minded as me and wait wait wait

00:21:27.320 you fuck charlise they're wrong

00:21:32.840 as long as the charlie's uh theron from monster she's actually a serial killer of truckers or

00:21:38.200 whatever yeah that one that one i would actually i would rather yeah i'd rather suck the dick of

00:21:44.440 pretty charlie's than fuck the pussy of monster charlie's what was that uh what was that movie

00:21:51.480 it was it follows is that the one where the sexually transmitted uh monster yeah micah monroe yeah

00:21:59.080 what what level of like person would you like upon us would you get to fucking before that to be worth

00:22:04.520 it because like that wasn't that one that she was just like it was just a random dude she just banged

00:22:09.640 him and like got now this thing follows around trying to kill her first didn't you guys hear

00:22:14.440 the story i'm already playing with house money it doesn't even work on you you do she actually had

00:22:22.120 this curse what would i not do like yeah i i remember my i had another girlfriend after that it was like

00:22:28.040 i have herpes and i was like i deserve herpes at this point in my life i should have that and i don't

00:22:32.680 but uh but i wasn't afraid of it i was just like yeah no that's that seems about right is that what

00:22:38.840 gavin says what's that he's like he's like yeah you know you might get herpes you know it's not that

00:22:45.240 bad i've heard him say that before well doug stanhope said it the best he goes uh i look at a herpes

00:22:53.000 outbreak like a skateboarder looks at a skin knee it's the byproduct of a life well lived you know what

00:23:02.120 i mean if you put your penis in enough fun places it's gonna come back with some unwanted prizes and

00:23:08.040 cash dude the funniest gavin beginnest thing ever seen was the whole uh he puts a dildo in his ass to

00:23:14.920 own the libs i don't know if he was like it was even real that he actually did that but that that

00:23:19.960 picture that's out there is so funny i believe it i believe listen we've all taken a shit that that we've

00:23:26.920 like we've finished taking that shit we're like i could handle a fucking guy's dick well you ever

00:23:32.360 take a shit and you get a boner that's the uh we've talked about that no i have not nope never

00:23:39.720 once in my life i've actually had a hunk of shit murder a boner before and then i had a hunk of

00:23:46.600 shit so hard my dick was like what we can't stay hard we just can't you know sometimes take a shit

00:23:52.520 it feels a little gay and you're like that's kind of well if you get a boner from taking a

00:23:57.960 shit that means you are gay i think that's the game you were the one you said you were the one that said

00:24:02.360 that happens no no i said it never no i was the one that said it was definitely fat dave yeah if if

00:24:10.360 listen if if if taking a shit makes you super hard or almost cume uh you have to uh you absolutely

00:24:19.480 are ruining your happiness by not getting fucked by guys so i don't know you know i don't know what

00:24:27.080 kind of uh man wife you have behind that door behind us dude i'm the one who does the opposite like i'm

00:24:33.400 i'll i'll have a boner too often and then i have to shit to get rid of the boner you know what i just

00:24:38.440 realized we all got doors behind those so i didn't really know who you're talking to

00:24:46.200 well there that's that's what happens when you have four men on a podcast called welcome inside the

00:24:50.760 closet we are all actually gay on the spot we're all in the yeah this is a if i could stomach being gay

00:25:01.080 literally uh i would do it because i definitely enjoy the company of men more than the company of women

00:25:06.840 by far imagine having somebody you could talk to for you know 24 hours a day and then just it'd be

00:25:13.000 and actually fuck also i mean it'd be so much fun exactly somebody who doesn't scowl because you're

00:25:18.680 playing madden for eight minutes yeah they're like they're like oh you want to play madden let's go

00:25:23.640 dude yeah yeah hey man you want to fuck and then finish our season oh sweet

00:25:29.240 yeah yeah do you know why being gay is a turn off to a lot of men is because all we see on tv are gay

00:25:37.400 guys that are basically like women but if you show if you told me i could fuck a real dude like peyton

00:25:42.760 manning i would be like are you serious dude i'm gonna suck your dick and then we're gonna go drink

00:25:51.080 beers afterwards and play some pool it's like okay this sounds so much fun oh my god blue 42

00:26:01.800 you want some pizza i got i got tons of papa john's pizza in the back i don't know if you guys know this

00:26:05.800 but he says omaha right before he comes it's really a fun hell yeah i think uh what you really

00:26:12.760 want to do is marry dude and have an open relationship so you can just go fuck a bunch

00:26:16.360 of chicks too but then you don't have to deal with them well you can wait wait that's why that's

00:26:23.800 that's what i thought was funny that they skimmed over my whole abortion controversy a couple weeks

00:26:28.200 ago was that uh the tweet where i said uh when women were like fine we'll just strike and see how

00:26:34.440 you men do without sex and i was like we'll fuck each other and watch you starve to death

00:26:39.960 good luck with that one broads wait we don't make any more women all right i'm in like i'm fine with

00:26:47.000 that all right well listen i'm not gonna fuck a dude but if you give me no other choice it's

00:26:51.640 it's a pretty compelling argument a hole is a hole man it's gonna yeah i can close my eyes

00:26:57.960 yeah greg giraldo said it best as he goes he said uh uh being in a relationship with a guy would be

00:27:05.400 great could you imagine having everything you've ever said interpreted exactly as you intended

00:27:14.600 he goes hey man you remember that time we were driving to your mom's house five years ago and you

00:27:19.560 said some shit to me he goes no he goes me neither we're dudes it's it's on his album good date across

00:27:27.480 the river he's one of the greatest ever to do it and we lost him way too young that's true yeah

00:27:34.280 unlike norman donald he went out way past his prime

00:27:37.160 yeah the worst part about norm was how long he stuck around right everybody this guy with the hot

00:27:47.160 takes it's like jesus how many times we hear this stupid like fucking bird joke or you know like

00:27:53.720 jesus get over it i'm jealous of everybody that's uh that's found a way to die in the last couple

00:28:00.360 years they're very lucky you know oh yeah that's why when people were like why aren't you getting

00:28:05.080 vaccinated i was like why are you pretending you have shit to live for you fucking loser

00:28:10.680 everybody out here like i gotta stay alive for what what you see it's only getting worse

00:28:16.040 it's only getting worse right now like yeah i need you to be protected so i'm protected you

00:28:22.120 suck why am i keeping you alive i don't know if you remember that like people like back in 2016 they

00:28:29.000 were like 2016 is the worst year ever and if you go if you ask people now like what was their favorite

00:28:33.160 they're like 2016 was awesome trump winning that election was the greatest thing i'll ever see in

00:28:39.720 my lifetime yeah because it was like it was literally watching like a million women's heartbreak at the

00:28:46.120 exact same time you're never gonna have a moment like that in history ever again and boy were they

00:28:52.200 fucking confident do you guys remember like the amy schumer lena dunham fucking selfies at hillary's

00:28:58.920 victory party they're just like fucking first female president ever and then literally it was

00:29:05.880 like god came along and smacked their fucking party drink right out of their goddamn hands

00:29:12.520 i tell you i was not a christian man until that day and i was like there is a fucking god

00:29:18.280 because no one like who else would let me watch this many women in pain at the same time

00:29:24.360 that that video of that woman screaming at the uh inauguration is literally one of the best things

00:29:30.440 to ever be put on the internet i use it as a bumper in my show i love it so much i can watch that clip

00:29:38.120 on repeat for hours and hours i made the joke after i made the joke in like 2018 when people there was

00:29:45.800 like a thing going on twitter people going like show me what's in your porno search tab and uh and i typed

00:29:52.840 women reacting to the 2016 election the worst day for white women so an awesome day in history it was

00:30:04.920 so fucking great just like you know just just nothing makes me happier than a a

00:30:11.160 bitch that gets what's coming to her which is a great segue into us talking about gabby petito

00:30:16.040 i'm kidding did she have it coming though i don't know i'll just tell you what i know about the

00:30:25.400 first of all both of those people were on heroin uh i can tell yes because heroin people heroin people

00:30:32.280 have a specific type of hands that non-heroin addicts don't have like heroin addicts have the hands of

00:30:39.640 someone who has been foraging through soil and garbage uh and if you like she has the hands of

00:30:47.000 a withered 90 year old lady gardener you know what i mean yeah the hands it's like when you can see a

00:30:53.880 coke person's nail like they have their nail it's that it's that defining thing it's like oh you do coke

00:30:59.000 okay yeah okay you do heroin their thumbs look like they're upside down for some reason dude there's a

00:31:06.680 that is a distinct look and she and on her arm she has a tattoo in only one place and it's where

00:31:12.920 the heroin goes you know about this uh it's right in the crease of the elbow where the heroin goes

00:31:20.920 and uh and the cops come up well you watch the video the cop going up to her she's like not making

00:31:25.320 eye contact with anybody which means she's either full of shit or looking for drugs she's also really

00:31:31.800 stupid because the tattoos are just of track marks so right yeah but yeah it's like so you have like

00:31:37.080 you you have meth teeth your coke uh fingernail and your and your heroin hands it's pretty much the

00:31:43.560 the heroin hands meth teeth and uh coke nails yeah when a 20 year old woman has sylvester stallone's

00:31:51.000 hands that bitch is doing heroin or that is a dude yeah yeah exactly when you when you hold her

00:31:59.240 hands up next to mike golix and you can't tell the difference between the two she's doing some drugs

00:32:06.200 and he had the same hands he had like withered old hobbit hands and i was like yeah these people

00:32:11.720 both are doing all of the heroin together hey i'm gonna go into the national parks hey yeah

00:32:18.920 what other reason does anyone have to go into a national park other than to do heroin

00:32:26.360 what do you know like see the sights you faggot no nobody likes nature they just pretend to go out

00:32:34.520 there and they're just like oh the fresh air it's like bitch like i have like you're getting pollen and

00:32:40.680 bugs it's like i have my you know i have filters like i have a hepa filter in my house like i'm

00:32:45.160 gonna be the cleanest air you can get right yeah i'm getting the the fucking the the premium

00:32:50.120 shit you're out here you're just drinking this fucking street oxygen trash i had a guy say that to

00:32:57.240 me one time we were at a casino in vegas and he had the fucking oxygen tank with the thing on uh and

00:33:03.480 he was smoking and i go hey man isn't that like counterintuitive he goes that what are you drinking

00:33:07.400 his fucking street what are you breathing is street oxygen i don't need this i just want it

00:33:12.840 it's better i take a little bit of smoke and then i get the pure shit and i was just like guy makes a

00:33:18.280 good point yeah actually the best thing i've seen a lot of people say like one of my uh people i watch

00:33:22.680 on the internet watch this uh news youtube news show and they talk about mass and there is like we

00:33:27.720 don't even wear mass for covet anymore we just wear it because people are disgusting and like we go on

00:33:33.080 flights now for the first time ever wear a mask it's like oh i don't have to deal with your farts

00:33:37.160 and your fucking like nasty shit this nasty air that you're breathing like fuck you i'm gonna wear

00:33:42.920 even though i hate wearing masks so you have to breathe in your own air and like you're nasty too

00:33:47.880 i'm saying you the person who's saying this so i i smell my own farts i don't give a

00:33:52.120 fuck about my own like my own exhale i doesn't give a fuck that dave has the oxygen mask but the

00:33:58.200 tank is just full of his own parts and that's just like a self-contained dutch oven

00:34:06.440 that's a portable dutch oven like the worst part about dutch ovens is that they're so hard to take

00:34:11.400 with you on your trip that's a good infomercial the portable dutch oven your dutch oven stays in your

00:34:20.680 bed yeah have you ever wanted to shit in your wife's mouth but your vehicle doesn't have the

00:34:26.440 real estate for a built-in unit get the portable dutch oven if you buy now you get two dutch ovens for

00:34:34.760 the price of one you can also hot box your car with it well you can just do that regularly when

00:34:43.240 you fart in your car just yeah just fart and put i don't think i've ever farted in my car that i don't

00:34:48.040 think i've ever farted in the car that it's actually like include made the whole space smell like the

00:34:52.760 fart i don't think that's ever happened for me but i don't have that bad of farts i'm not a huge fat

00:34:57.080 guy that like you know fat guys have the best farts whoa whoa whoa whoa i'm right here i said you have

00:35:03.000 the best part that's a compliment you have the best farts yeah i've ever listed anybody could

00:35:07.320 shit fart in the car you guys ever shit the car that's many such cases yeah i'll never forget i

00:35:16.520 almost shit the car once and the first thing i thought was like i remember when i bought i had

00:35:21.000 an f the toyota fj cruiser and i was like i remember when i bought this uh the woman was like you can just

00:35:26.520 hose out the interior and i was like i don't hunt or anything when am i gonna need that and she goes

00:35:31.240 something tells me that there'll be some day when you might need that and i just couldn't help but

00:35:35.560 think i was like this bitch knew i was gonna shit the car that's why she told me this i i almost uh

00:35:42.120 we were on the way back from mardi gras we just we were just at mardi gras and i hadn't shit all day

00:35:46.600 and i can't remember what we ate i want to say it was mexican and dude i had to

00:35:50.120 shit and we were going back and in the car i was like i was driving i look at my wife i'm like i i have to

00:35:57.160 shit right now and if i and you know i don't know if you do this but like i start pushing down on my

00:36:02.200 penis when i need it bad yeah he has to push down on it because it's so fucking rock hard from the

00:36:12.200 hunk of shit in his asshole yeah why are you always getting a boner from shitting it was just like push

00:36:19.400 the pressure like on on i'm in my crotch area helps me not having the shit it also helps afterwards

00:36:25.560 whenever uh you ever have those shits that you like you shit and it's like you're shitting glass

00:36:30.040 and afterwards your butthole hurts i guess it like almost gets uh bro i don't want to be the one to

00:36:34.600 tell you this prolapse you have prostate cancer

00:36:42.360 as a man who's well as a man who's well versed in the relationships with cocks and asses

00:36:48.120 in a non-sexual way you definitely have prostate cancer i i had i was it was the other day at work

00:36:55.400 i like uh i get a text i'm like i'm taking a shit you know it's my 9 a.m shit every day and i get a

00:37:00.680 text it's like hey meeting uh happening right now and i was like oh fuck so i finished up my walk out

00:37:06.200 there and my asshole is just burning i mean it literally burns not having to go the in there and

00:37:11.880 sit down with this burning asshole trying to like not like i think i even got a good wipe in i was

00:37:18.840 trying to rush i don't know if i got everything out i mean it was it was a pretty it was a it was

00:37:22.920 a sucky time i mean i've experienced that but it's always after eating really spicy food

00:37:28.760 and then it just turns your ass into a blow torch yeah spicy food doesn't do it to me man that's

00:37:35.800 that's one of the fun questions i get all the time when people go uh what's the what was the

00:37:40.920 worst shit you ever had when you were doing ginormous food yeah food network and uh and

00:37:46.680 it was never it was never really related to like one dish but there was a time when it was like

00:37:51.320 super cumulative uh where i just like couldn't shit for like three or four days because it was like

00:37:57.000 fried food after fried food and i was just backed up and then i took a shit so bad in the extended stay

00:38:03.320 america that i overflowed the toilet and literally had to use all the towels and sheets in my room to

00:38:10.760 soak up the shit water oh like before you flushed like no no i took the shit i took the shit and i

00:38:19.480 went to flush the shit before wiping uh because they say that's what you do when it's a big ton of

00:38:25.240 shit and the shit alone was enough to clog the toilet and then it just immediately started overflowing

00:38:31.720 and it overflowed so fast that it wasn't even like maybe i can get a plunger it was just like

00:38:35.880 what can i do to scoop as fast as i can to keep this shit from coming over the seat the just the

00:38:42.360 edge and i'm telling you dude it was like that scene in the perfect storm when the ship comes down

00:38:47.320 the wave like i watched that log just sail over the edge and i'm like no

00:38:55.560 it's not you're gonna say train spotting it's so bad it's literally one of the like the scariest

00:39:01.160 moments and just a fucking white privileged purpose of life you know this is like a first

00:39:06.360 world problems of when the whenever you clog the toilet and the water goes up and actually flows out

00:39:11.400 that is totally like one of the scariest moments of like your day or your week or your like whole

00:39:15.720 year you're like oh shit it's going over now to clean up shit water off my yeah oh yeah yeah yeah

00:39:22.280 and you're also like why did this have to be the the consistency of shit where it makes the water shitty

00:39:27.640 like perfectly sealed log with clean water well also the other the other thing is like i don't know

00:39:35.080 if you are but whenever i take a shit i take a piss too so you also have yeah there's water well of

00:39:39.240 course there's piss water i think that's the least of your concerns you've got diarrhea water all over

00:39:45.800 your yeah yeah i'm not gonna be like well it's the piss that makes it bad if anything the piss helps

00:39:54.680 i used all of the towels instantly and then had to grab the backup bed sheets from out of the closet to

00:40:00.680 soak and then i just listen i i just took all i rolled it all up i went downstairs to get a plunger

00:40:09.320 once i got the water situation handled then i went downstairs to get a plunger and on my way down i

00:40:14.280 noticed that like there was like a maid's cart that had just been parked by the elevators and i was like

00:40:20.040 all of this is going in that cart so so like i can only imagine the next morning like guadalupe or

00:40:28.360 whatever just grabs their cart and she goes somebody chit in the car

00:40:36.120 again like people be doing this it's no funny but i just remember i think i emailed our producer and i was

00:40:43.720 like listen there might be some towel and sheet charges for the uh for the hotel room and i want

00:40:48.840 to tell you it was a unavoidable ox occupational hazard and we should just pay them for the towels

00:40:54.760 and sheets they charge us for and she was like she was just like what happened like she's like

00:41:01.640 as long as you didn't murder anybody and i go i'm pretty sure the only thing that died in that room

00:41:05.480 was my sense of self and she was like that's what the show is so it's fine you know you know some people

00:41:14.840 would do that and they would just like stick it under like if you have an extra bed they would

00:41:18.920 just like put it under the sheets of the extra bed i i know there's some nasty ass people that would

00:41:23.960 just be like i'm not going to deal with this i'm going to stick it over here and i'm going to let the

00:41:27.640 maid do it imagine rolling up like a dead body and trying to like get rid of it listen i gotta i just

00:41:35.880 gotta tell you like for many years i was an uber driver and i had to clean up like all kinds of puke and

00:41:41.640 blood and everything else and i did that for like up until the start of the pandemic so like 2013 to

00:41:47.560 2019 i did it at least part-time and i got so desensitized from six years and having to clean

00:41:53.480 up random messes and stuff i can only imagine what a hotel maid's tolerance level is like i bet a hotel

00:42:00.440 maid could walk into a room and like see a decapitated body and be like wow they're good like they kept

00:42:07.400 the blood spatter to these things and you know this is nothing man this is fine at least he didn't

00:42:15.720 shift itself she goes yeah she goes in mexico the cutoff head is on the checklist we do it every day

00:42:24.520 we we tuck the corners then we remove the heads from the room

00:42:28.040 imagine how much comb they have to clean up

00:42:34.200 every day oh they don't they don't clean it by the way they don't they well i mean yeah that's

00:42:40.520 true that's true they just put it in the washing machine well that's like that's like i think it's

00:42:44.200 the uh the tom segura joke yeah because i like to come i like to come in the curtains because i know

00:42:49.640 they don't wash those i thought you were gonna say i think it's uh todd barry has the one about

00:42:54.760 masturbating at every hotel chain just to just to do it every comic has that bit you know like uh

00:43:02.280 alligator roll david tell had one where he's like i like to rub the phone receiver on my balls because

00:43:08.200 i know everyone's going to use that so just know any hotel you stay in has been cockified by a stand-up

00:43:19.320 comedian at one point it's it's also i was saying hotels well yes well it's oh yeah yeah yes go to

00:43:26.280 airbnb's instead i just don't try i just sleep in my car it's like that's where i come in my car

00:43:36.200 don't you guys love when the homeless pretend it's their choice

00:43:39.160 that's like uh that's the uh the the movie oh what was that yeah oh look at you

00:43:48.360 fucking sellouts in your homes just grifting for the man i like to be out in nature you

00:43:56.360 fucking pussies sam just cut out of here yeah sam just cut out he's just like oh yeah the wi-fi's

00:44:05.480 not so good for old jack kerouac down there what's going on there they'll say like my bad uh the zach

00:44:13.400 galvanakis and robert downey jr movie where they travel across the country and the zach

00:44:18.360 galvanakis uh character has to jerk off before he sleeps every night so they're sleeping in their car

00:44:23.480 yeah the movie's called the movie's called due date that's due date that's right yeah it's so funny

00:44:29.960 jerking off it's like what are you doing yeah i there was like a there was like a thing on twitter

00:44:35.720 today it's so weird that that came up there's a thing on twitter today where they were like

00:44:39.400 you have to eliminate one actor in all their movies and it was like denzel tom hanks leonardo

00:44:45.080 dicaprio and robert downey jr and i was like listen denzel might be the best actor in this group but

00:44:50.600 he doesn't have a single movie that i couldn't live without watching again and so then i just

00:44:55.320 started comparing their movies and i was like listen malcolm x is great but i would rather watch due

00:44:59.800 date well it got tropic thunder started trending just because of this one yeah like i'm not getting

00:45:07.240 rid of tropic thunder no i don't give a fuck how many academy awards denzel has tropic thunder is more

00:45:12.760 watchable and entertaining than anything denzel washington has ever done robert downey jr

00:45:17.080 was actually nominated for an oscar for dropping one if it weren't for that heath ledger being dead

00:45:23.800 that mother if if mary kate olsen didn't murder heath ledger robert downey jr would have a blackface

00:45:32.360 academy award which which is okay to me that he doesn't have it because maybe i'll get to be the

00:45:38.920 first you know oh justin trudeau is going to beat you i'm sorry who's that justin trudeau is going

00:45:44.920 to beat you he's going to get it he's going to get some blackface and go or uh academy award

00:45:51.320 it's so crazy that we it's my life if you guys ever see me win an academy award for doing something

00:45:57.560 in blackface my body will just turn into light and go straight into heaven from the award stage

00:46:02.920 my purpose will have been fulfilled josh denny at the bet awards

00:46:10.520 you just see me you just see me fade into corn off in the back like

00:46:15.560 he's like who the planted corn on the stage

00:46:22.840 oh god the negro league field of dreams yes exactly i'll make my return of the negro league

00:46:28.680 documentary and then i will just fade into corn like james earl jones

00:46:36.200 it is pretty funny that we did have one of the most famous like literally an a-list actor do black

00:46:41.400 face and basically got i mean i can't remember was there a lot of like um like really bad feedback on

00:46:49.400 that i don't remember there any being any no there was hardly any outrage because the idea was

00:46:54.600 they were making fun of how preposterous the concept of method actors are so it was like

00:46:59.640 somebody taking the piss out of hollywood and so the only way you could have been mad at that is if

00:47:04.520 you were a pretentious hollywood actor who does that kind of shit yeah i think there's been recent

00:47:10.280 backlash on it yeah i remember because he went on joe rogan to talk about it like oh and he said yeah

00:47:15.480 there's no way we would ever be able to make that movie today yeah which is so dumb it was such a great

00:47:20.600 and funny movie they literally made fun of like a ton of tropes they made it was such a great i mean

00:47:25.800 it had um just having um tom cruise in there and no one realizing it until the end when his credits

00:47:32.120 came up and they're just like oh shit that was tom cruise i realized it right yeah i knew i did it

00:47:37.400 i did it which by the way it's one of his funny funniest roles he's ever done yeah yeah amazing

00:47:47.880 because my favorite is in the scene when he's like uh where's a grip when he's on skype and and like

00:47:55.640 he's like he's gonna punch that producer right in the goddamn face for me you're fired

00:47:59.480 and the guy's like sorry bro just smacks him and he's like oh he's like he comes in his pants when

00:48:06.120 that happens and the funny thing is is like when you when they interviewed tom cruise about that

00:48:11.320 he's like yeah he was like parts he was like parts harvey weinstein parts like like that guy was

00:48:16.840 literally 90 based on harvey weinstein

00:48:21.800 there wasn't enough coming and uh women and in those scenes then if he if it was part harvey weinstein

00:48:28.680 i mean and by the way the whole full retard thing i mean that is such a like an insider hollywood

00:48:34.360 conversation that people had of like oh no he went he went full retard that's why he didn't win the oscar

00:48:41.960 it's like that's so that is so when they did that when they did that you're watching like oh my god

00:48:47.400 you're right because forrest gump everyone loved and i am sam was beyond a better performance but nobody

00:48:54.840 that movie didn't win shit

00:48:58.520 and he was like it it hooded me and he was like sean penn sean penn you went too far

00:49:07.880 you can all like tom hanks literally found the the perfect level of retard with forrest gump just

00:49:13.800 literally and he just based it on the king he's like i couldn't figure out the accent and they brought

00:49:19.720 his little retarded faggot kid to be young me and then i was like i'm gonna just do him

00:49:27.560 i was i was watching uh family guy clips the other day and the uh forrest gump one came up

00:49:32.600 where she's just like jenny keeps putting off of the forest just like okay for us i'm gonna go get

00:49:38.040 railed by uh a dozen black panthers now he's like okay jenny yeah isn't that the clip where at the end

00:49:45.240 of it isn't that the clip where the interview is like okay i'll raise the aids baby

00:49:53.160 yeah now and now so family guy goes from making those kind of jokes now to doing vaccine propaganda

00:49:58.120 you still can see that shit no yes they did like a three-minute segment on sunday's show trying to

00:50:04.920 tell people to get the vaccine what the fuck it was it was like if you didn't get in your youtube

00:50:09.800 recommendations like it literally was in mind immediately like jesus christ it was literally

00:50:14.920 it's blatant pop were you the one josh that made the joke that they're gonna win the award for uh

00:50:19.800 best propaganda state-sponsored propaganda yeah the other the other thing i thought was funny

00:50:25.080 i was like why is this clump of cells and talking dog giving me medical advice

00:50:31.560 oh so wait now the baby is a person that it's telling me to get vaccinated is that how this works

00:50:36.280 this damn fucking stem cells this clump of stem cells that i know

00:50:44.600 what a fucking waste of perfectly good stem cells that

00:50:49.640 wait was that in the show or in the in the in beforehand because we had we had some good

00:50:54.360 i can't remember what we're talking about before the show oh no we were talking about you really

00:50:58.520 we're talking about your cancellation stories and i said which one and it's always funny

00:51:02.280 we do want to talk about that yeah because when the when the abortion one happened like two weeks

00:51:06.440 ago there were there were people who still hated me from the one three years ago and so like

00:51:11.720 conservative people were defending me going how dare they distance themselves from him because

00:51:16.120 of his pro-life views and then other people would come in and go no it's because he said the n

00:51:21.000 word on a podcast and then the conservative person would go which podcast and then i would jump in

00:51:28.200 and go there's too many to list uh you can add this one to the list too yeah i've literally used the n

00:51:37.160 word a hundreds of times uh in podcasts but always for the purposes of being funny uh which is the best

00:51:45.480 way to use it i think yes uh it's either either to make someone laugh or to make someone come should

00:51:51.640 be the ultimate accepted uses of the n-word by everybody what if it's five kids

00:52:01.560 what if it's your safe word is that acceptable that's part of helping someone come yeah so that

00:52:06.680 would fall in the criteria that would be hilarious someone's safe word is the n-word they're just

00:52:11.800 yelling it just so you just hear like your your neighbor just the only nigger just yeah actually no

00:52:18.600 that's that that's the guy the the the the bk guy on the plane that was just a safe word they were

00:52:23.560 just he was getting too he was getting too flustered so he just started yelling the n-word well that's

00:52:30.600 what i always think is funny is like that is most black people's caveat even if they hate uh if they're

00:52:36.600 like there's never an acceptable usage and it's like all right think of the white woman you want to

00:52:40.680 the most in the world and then they'll be like yeah it's charlise theron but not monster charlise theron

00:52:46.680 like atomic blonde charlise theron and they're like all right would you let her call you it uh

00:52:53.000 in the middle of sex and they'd be like yeah i would make her call me

00:52:58.440 uh and and it's also fine because a fun fact charlise theron african-american i don't know if

00:53:03.240 you guys know that oh that's right she's from isn't she from south africa yeah yeah that's true

00:53:09.640 that would be funny if it does come out if it does like it comes out like i don't know a couple weeks

00:53:14.600 from now she's like charlise theron grew up saying the n-word all the time she gets cancelled she's

00:53:21.240 like i'm from south africa yeah yeah well you know what else are you supposed to call them when they're

00:53:26.280 just blopping around ruining everything right oh my god well this is so funny what people don't

00:53:34.040 understand is like why i'm so free speech and so like against the idea of censoring words is because

00:53:39.400 i grew up on the east coast where that word was thrown around all the time by white and black people

00:53:44.120 and then i moved to the midwest where they said every other word they could to avoid saying it

00:53:49.640 but they were 10 times more racist that's worse if i were black i'd rather someone yell the n-word in

00:53:56.760 my face than to say something nice to me like what a fine young chap you are yeah that guy's saying

00:54:03.000 the n-word too he's just hiding it it's like wavious when i first heard your name i didn't think

00:54:08.600 you'd be a good boy for my daughter but now meeting you i think you're pretty nice i think i think

00:54:14.520 you're one of the good kind there you know i was expecting when you came over here i didn't know

00:54:21.480 what to expect is your father i was just father a judge yeah exactly i was just sort of expected to

00:54:29.480 be disappointed in my daughter's choices you know what i mean so wait is bless your heart in the south

00:54:35.800 actually just them saying nigger yes exactly it's the exact same thing it's the exact same

00:54:42.120 thing so it's like yeah skip the formalities and cut right to the fucking chase don't be a

00:54:46.840 pussy about it just say the word it is yeah it's it's just so and this idea that it like it always

00:54:55.400 means the same thing uh arbitrarily is just a shitty intellectually deficient argument like

00:55:02.200 it's not always offensive you know when 12 year olds say to each other on xbox live do you really

00:55:07.080 think they're carrying the weight of slavery behind that word it's just so fucking fun to say like

00:55:15.720 that's what i think is funny is because i did i did the um the canceled podcast with desma simon

00:55:21.080 and rob i forget rob's last name but um they were like well the pro she was desma's black and she was

00:55:26.680 like the problem is white guys don't have an equivalent word i go yeah we do it's faggot

00:55:33.240 and she's like well that's really a slur for gay guys and i go no it was a slur for every white guy

00:55:37.480 in the 90s like we didn't have the word ginger in the 90s the what you know what they called me

00:55:44.520 faggot well because and i was like i haven't even sucked one dick yet i don't have the courage yet but

00:55:50.840 uh eventually well because there was a gay and then there was being a faggot and those were two

00:55:56.760 very separate things yes and and guess what they still are two very separate things like i actually

00:56:04.520 think we need a petition to have the word faggot reappropriated away from gay people and designated

00:56:11.240 for people that back into parking spaces i think that is a much better usage of the word i know gay

00:56:18.920 people that aren't faggots i know faggot people that aren't gay most of my gay friends are not

00:56:25.240 faggots and the ones who are right now if they're watching this you know who you are

00:56:30.840 didn't south park south park already applied it to uh like biker dudes right like harley guys

00:56:38.760 i don't know i don't remember i i'm pretty good with south park stuff i don't remember that but yeah

00:56:43.880 yeah there's so many yeah there's so many better uses for i again but it's interesting so

00:56:48.760 see how we're sitting here joking around the word faggot we're like there's so many other fun ways

00:56:52.360 to use it than to hurt a gay person and the funny thing is black people would agree with you about

00:56:57.880 the word faggot but then you go and i also feel the same way about the word nigger and they'd be like

00:57:03.160 how dare you sir and it's like yeah i think they're both fun words you just gotta put enough pep in them

00:57:11.240 only the faggoty niggers do that

00:57:17.800 did you guys uh did you guys see that video it was like some 12 year old kid on xbox live like

00:57:22.680 explaining uh fucking like non-binary to someone oh yes i did see that they were just like oh this

00:57:29.320 is so wholesome like look at this this fucking little cunt

00:57:32.360 little faggot bitch i was like this kid looks like a fucking nerd like if my kid first of all

00:57:40.040 my kid was saying that type of shit on xbox live i just would take his xbox away

00:57:44.120 first of all just take it away i think i would say a little worse than that

00:57:50.200 he's yeah i like a reasonable grounding expressing their point of view on the internet

00:57:57.080 i would slap him upside the head and call him a faggot

00:58:01.240 i can't say i would throw him out the window and i mean i already said it but

00:58:07.240 well eric clapton did that now he's like pretty anti-vaccine

00:58:10.280 so bad yeah is there a conspiracy theory that he threw him out the window for the song

00:58:17.000 maybe yeah that would be big it yeah it's one of my favorite jasonic jokes i'm honestly surprised

00:58:22.680 yeah i'm honestly surprised that that didn't start circulating after he came out against the vaccine

00:58:28.120 like i'm surprised people on the left didn't start going like yeah well we all know you threw

00:58:31.560 your son out that window like i said it's one of my favorite jasonic jokes like when we talk to eric

00:58:38.920 doctor he was like and we know how clumsy his little son was that little guy that little that

00:58:43.160 little kid that little type yeah my that's my favorite kind of comedy is like say something

00:58:49.640 offensive but the offensive part is what the audience has to assume and then it becomes even

00:58:55.560 more fun for me like a good example is i will go on the internet and you know i caught a lot of

00:59:00.200 backlash when the abortion thing happened a couple weeks ago but uh one comedian in particular whose name

00:59:05.240 i won't say so that you guys and i don't get sued but a very famous comedian was like ridiculing me on

00:59:10.920 twitter and i said uh yeah call me crazy but i don't care about the opinion that the comic who murdered

00:59:17.960 his wife has of me and uh the funniest part about that the funniest part about that is i didn't have to

00:59:23.720 say who it was but a hundred people in the comments immediately knew i was talking about

00:59:29.960 and that's what's so great about those kinds of jokes it's like i don't even have to say the

00:59:35.720 offensive shit because you already know the offensive shit i didn't know oj simpson was a comedian yeah

00:59:44.600 people made that joke people made that same joke i didn't know oj did comedy

00:59:50.920 that's only because norm just died and that clip of him going about the uh murders now legal in the

00:59:56.280 state of california which is one of the funniest jokes and norm had some really great ones my

01:00:02.360 favorite i shared it on instagram my favorite was the one where he goes uh and hey chanel and

01:00:07.400 degenerate have announced that they're trying for a baby uh but their plan has hit a bit of a snag as

01:00:13.480 they are both women and it will not be possible for them to have a child like

01:00:21.560 to me that was like the comedic equivalent of the 2016 election just smacking the cup out of their

01:00:28.280 fucking hand like it's not gonna happen bitch i also love that people in the chat also immediately

01:00:36.760 knew which comedian i was talking about oh that's hilarious oh oh jose's comment yeah jose and magoo

01:00:47.080 both said it yeah they both were like yep that's who it is yeah because i had no clue who you guys

01:00:51.800 were talking about to be honest yeah yeah it's fun it's all good fun but yeah that cancellation stuff

01:00:56.760 is dumb and that's one of my favorite recurring bits is just leaving food network in the bio and

01:01:01.800 people are like well if you haven't worked there in three and a half years why is it still in your bio

01:01:06.680 so retards like you show us how stupid cancel culture is every time i make you mad like you don't

01:01:13.960 even take the time to google for one second and it happened again yesterday and i was like how the

01:01:20.120 fuck did you search twitter to find offensive i said and missed all the thousands of tweets of me

01:01:27.160 already having been cancelled it is it's also a really weird thing like because it's kind of personal

01:01:33.720 for me because i got docs and lost my job because of jokes on twitter um but like just the thing the

01:01:41.400 the immediate thing they go for is just like your livelihood they're just like even though it's not

01:01:45.400 your livelihood anymore they're still like we're going to cancel you and we're going to make sure

01:01:49.000 that you can't make money and eat like we're going to make sure that you basically die and it's like if

01:01:54.600 or you know ruin your life it's such a weird thing to go after what hasn't happened yet are the

01:02:00.040 what hasn't happened yet are the retaliation murders because that's what you're going to start seeing

01:02:05.000 you're going to start seeing canceled celebrities who show up at some random trolls house and cuts

01:02:11.720 their head off and live streams it and then all of these faggots on twitter with anonymous accounts

01:02:18.200 will magically disappear now i'm not saying that i have a list of addresses and it's going to be me

01:02:25.880 but i am saying that it's someone's it's going to happen eventually and it might be me

01:02:30.840 it's like shoving the nerd in the locker but you're sending them to hell yeah it's like they

01:02:36.520 they literally they think it's a game and this is what's so funny i have people that troll me and i

01:02:42.040 and i'm just saying this so that people think a little bit for a second i have people that troll

01:02:45.880 me and then you click on their instagram and it has a geo tagged picture of their children at school

01:02:51.160 are you retarded you don't think that i have i also have crazy fans that i go hey did you notice

01:02:57.080 that that troll who tried to get me fired posted where his kids go to school yeah yeah it's like

01:03:03.320 that scene at the end of uh the breakup where he's like listen uh you know make a few calls when you

01:03:08.360 leave here and he's like i don't want you to do anything he's like i got you i got you like do you

01:03:13.240 not think that i also have crazy followers that might go to your instagram and see where

01:03:18.120 your kids go to school and then maybe one of them goes missing you retard i was expecting some of

01:03:23.400 those people to be in the comments and then and yeah and then you just go and then they go i don't

01:03:27.480 know what happened is it because daddy's a face on the internet honey is that what

01:03:33.720 like that's what i said i was like guys i'll solve the john benet ramsey story for you i don't know if

01:03:37.800 you know this but her father couldn't stay out of oprah's fan mail for 20 years and then his daughter

01:03:43.480 showed up missing one day connect the dots hey modern problems require modern solutions right

01:03:51.480 yeah there is no such thing as an unmotivated murder ever okay just understand that even suicides

01:03:58.840 have motive okay yeah they're trans i miss my genitals that's usually the number one thing it should

01:04:10.360 be on the note the key to not getting cancelled is to pre-cancel yourself so i'm already trying to do

01:04:17.960 it i literally put cancelled comedian in my bio and people are just like hey food network did you see he

01:04:23.160 said that blacks is too loud to be kidnapped i wonder i wonder if like uh if food network would

01:04:29.320 be like okay dude seriously take off your bio we'll pay you yes yes and they'll have to yes i do believe

01:04:35.480 that will happen and yes i think they'll have to because there is no legal precedent for me stating

01:04:41.240 that i did work there you know what i mean so like the only way it will ever come out of my bio is if

01:04:46.600 they pay me and i'll let you guys guess how much money it's going to take all of it

01:04:53.800 that's always they're like how's a million i'm like how about more how about every penny my show

01:05:00.920 made for your network that you regret having given me how about you just give me all of that money

01:05:05.880 and we'll call it even it's like doing reverse ads i always thought this is a great idea of just talking

01:05:11.880 shit about certain products and though they're just like hey man stop talking we'll give you

01:05:16.440 whatever a thousand dollars if you just shut up talking about it but do it for like only like what

01:05:22.360 every podcast does like blue chew it's like blue chew sucks

01:05:27.480 i was just about to say this blue chew tastes like fucking shit all right why why am i not surprised

01:05:33.880 that the naked homeless man is the one that has an opinion on this dude i thought they were gonna like

01:05:40.120 taste like okay blue raspberry they kind of do but they kind of also taste like

01:05:47.080 fucking really sour and really bitter and they're disgusting bro if they could make things that taste

01:05:52.520 good make your dick hard blue chew wouldn't exist that would just be sour patch wait a minute they do

01:06:00.040 it's called a pussy oh

01:06:05.560 oh i'm oh i wasn't even uh thinking about that but yeah we're gonna segue into into this this uh

01:06:13.400 question that we wanted to ask on multiple we've had on for a while we've been wanting to ask this

01:06:18.680 question but we we waited for you josh i said you're such a foodie it's been it's been in the bank for a

01:06:23.400 while i think fat dave you could phrase it better than i can probably yeah basically this comes like uh

01:06:29.560 i think it started i remember hearing a um a comedian talk about do different ethnicities

01:06:35.560 taste like their food like if you eat like cannibals but the same can be supplied to like eating

01:06:41.400 pussy does like each each ethnicity has like that's like do you know all white chicks taste like macaroni

01:06:48.760 like tastes like fried chicken are you so are you asking me is there a flavor difference is there

01:06:54.440 a difference in the flavor profile of the vaginas of different ethnicities yes yes that's the

01:06:59.240 question yes 100 percent undebatable and i would like to describe each of them for you if i may

01:07:08.840 all right first of all a black women's pussies are very heavy have you ever had one in your mouth

01:07:15.000 and there's a weird thing about black woman pussies skin that you're like this is this is more dense

01:07:21.320 per square inch than white pussies you know what i mean like for lack of a better phrasing it tastes

01:07:27.880 overcooked you know and it also looks overcooked if i'm being honest it's like a really dense german

01:07:35.400 chocolate cake it's basically it looks like roast beef or something yeah have you ever had a lunch

01:07:40.280 meat that's sliced way too thick that's black pussy um that yeah that white is pretty

01:07:49.480 delicate you know it's like a good it's like a good ham you can throw it on a lot of different

01:07:54.600 lunch meats uh sandwiches you know you could put it on an italian you could put it on a club sandwich

01:07:59.080 you could do it a monte cristo it's the most versatile of the

01:08:02.280 pussy meats really and it's the most neutral in flavor uh we could be honey baked you could have

01:08:07.160 it smoked a lot of preparation for white pussy it's the most versatile of the pussy meats uh from

01:08:15.000 a culinary perspective uh whereas black pussy is primarily has to be deep fried and it also

01:08:22.120 requires a lot of seasoning okay a ton of seasoning and you know but the watermelon taste isn't too bad

01:08:29.400 oh yeah we have another guest here too top lobs what's up what's up guys in an airport oh

01:08:36.120 shit and i'm in an airport and i will tell you uh are we just are we continuing with yeah continue

01:08:41.480 yes absolutely i'm gonna have to kick you out lobs so the airport's too loud

01:08:45.080 the uh wait wait i just wanted to see if it was a federal crime and say nigger here

01:08:51.560 all right guys peace out

01:08:54.440 did you just see him get accosted in the background as we cut out of the cliff

01:09:00.760 by the way i just want to go on a limb and guess is he at the denver airport because i believe that's

01:09:05.880 where he was no he wasn't i know he's not i think so it looked like the denver airport um but a bunch

01:09:13.000 of six six sixes on the roof no it just i know i know what the food court looks like like the back

01:09:18.440 of my hand anyway something about uh black needing to be fried yeah well it doesn't need to be fried but

01:09:25.720 that's how you're gonna want it trust me um and then you know it's got to be well seasoned i prefer

01:09:30.360 the nashville hot black pussy you know uh where just sort of like it hits the taste buds so strong

01:09:37.560 that uh all you feel is the burn um you have to wipe up after with a piece of white bread yeah

01:09:44.440 you gotta serve it over two pieces of white bread so you know to absorb all the excess uh spice

01:09:51.240 wet-ass pussy is just uh actually uh frank's red hot sauce now i i don't tell you if you if you ask me

01:09:57.320 uh which ethnicity has the best pussy i'm gonna tell you latinos uh it is somehow you're gay

01:10:07.720 well don't usually use the male when you're pluralizing it i guess you could say latinas

01:10:12.360 or hispanic women well no because you're talking about women exclusively okay jocelyn likes the

01:10:19.400 beater bussy and now we know uh yes i like my frijoles uh and me eros uh yeah no that's the best

01:10:33.880 stuff i mean it's the perfect combination of texture and flavor um and it also it tends to be the

01:10:39.800 creamiest of the bunch you know what i mean it's uh it's pretty great and then asian pussy very uh

01:10:46.040 uh very flavored um and it's not for everybody and it's also horizontal yeah it's the orientation

01:10:56.840 that really makes it a tricky you know what i mean diagonal kind of i don't even know you got to use

01:11:02.840 sticks to get it in your mouth it's really tricky i can never do the sticks right

01:11:09.320 but it does have a very strong like soy flavor to it you know what i mean where you're just like

01:11:15.000 what is this what you you just you put it in your mouth and you go what is that is that rosemary

01:11:19.080 or thyme what is that what am i picking up it's the most estrogen out of any pussy is it is that the

01:11:23.800 thing yeah well it's only soy it's all you know it's all soy yeah it's all that it's all that msp

01:11:31.800 that monosodium pussy mate well you also uh drop stuff into it because the asian pussy is also referred

01:11:39.160 to as a hot pot so yeah exactly yeah it's uh it's uh hibachi and uh you know and then the worst part

01:11:47.960 about eating asian pussy is that it's seasoned in a way that only makes you more hungry for more

01:11:52.440 pussy you know what i mean you can never get filled three hours later you're just ready for more you're

01:11:57.800 just yeah but there are there are distinct flavors of uh of vaginas and yeah and so yeah it's sort of

01:12:03.960 like uh what about middle eastern yeah middle eastern is middle eastern is just like white it's

01:12:09.080 kind of like a mixture between white and latina so it's like not as you know it's not as aggressive

01:12:15.320 as latina and uh but it's not as bland as white i don't know i just heard that uh so i guess i guess

01:12:22.520 if i if i were to amend my statement i guess if uh if uh middle eastern or jewish pussy is ham

01:12:29.400 then white pussy would be turkey you know what i mean you're gonna make the jewish pussy ham

01:12:37.240 yeah ironically enough it would be more like a ham josh i just thought it would taste like uh like some

01:12:43.320 nickels or like uh or dollar bills yeah josh would say that uh middle eastern is the bomb yes um yeah

01:12:54.120 jewish pussy pussy actually tastes like bleach in every experience i've ever had and i wonder if that's

01:12:59.480 i i genuinely think that's probably because most jewish women are neurotic and they clean their pussies too

01:13:05.080 much and then they taste like it just tastes like chemicals yeah they said their asshole and their

01:13:11.800 pussy well you said the the black people pussy was the burnt one but i would think it would be the

01:13:16.280 jewish ones that would you know with as much ovens as they're in they would have the

01:13:19.560 oh my god oh my god and what about uh or weird gaseous taste to it i will tell you this i have

01:13:32.040 not ever seen an ashy pussy but i'll tell you if i did it would probably scare me gay

01:13:39.560 it would look like the roast beef with like mold on it or something yeah i've never seen i've never seen a

01:13:44.360 black pussy i'm like this is gonna need lotion before i put it in my mouth you know

01:13:49.880 want some cocoa butter

01:13:52.120 take those testes and those able said it's the zyklon

01:14:00.520 it's so great

01:14:05.080 latina stuff i'll tell you i think latina stuff is like free range organic because they don't take

01:14:09.800 medicines and they don't you know they don't uh there's a lot of sort of like things that they

01:14:14.600 don't do because of uh religion and stuff they also don't they use the least amount of contraception

01:14:20.520 and the least amount of birth control so that's really probably the closest thing to like free

01:14:25.000 range pussy that's on the market like the problem is that the latinos are also crazy as

01:14:31.720 fuck so that's well that's that's the freedom that you're tasting in that bite

01:14:36.280 now now is it the inverse with the with dicks or like with each dick or is it also the same is it

01:14:43.560 the same taste as long with dicks or like no idea i know you have no idea no idea not a clue

01:14:51.000 what about uh have we said that the indian pussy does not actually taste like curry because like if

01:14:56.120 you if you're around indian people it tastes like garbage it's kind of they live in indian fucking indian

01:15:02.600 food is so fucking bad that i would never dare try indian pussy

01:15:13.400 you do know that most indian food cooked in india is heated over dried cow shit right like charcoal

01:15:22.280 the reason that most uh indian people look like they're smeared with shit is because they are

01:15:29.640 all of their heating elements in india are literally fueled with dried

01:15:36.680 shit and so it's shit in the air and shit and it just sort of seeps in

01:15:42.760 and and yeah so and then you're like you want to put that in your mouth no thank you

01:15:49.960 because it's kind of like in my experience a lot of indian people smoke and they all smell like curry

01:15:55.160 and i think it's a combination of both of those scents and it's like yeah they say with a smoker

01:15:58.840 the smoker can't tell that they smell like smoke because they're just around that smell all the

01:16:02.600 time yeah that's what being indian is yeah it's the same thing but with curry

01:16:09.800 if you put a gun in my mouth and said you can die or you can eat mindy kaling's pussy

01:16:14.520 i'd pull the trigger for you

01:16:23.240 you wouldn't do it for the story no no there's there's at least 15 guys that i would let bottom

01:16:30.840 their dick out in my throat before i would even sneeze at mindy kaling's pussy what about like well

01:16:36.920 the problem is it's like you would it would be the worst pussy eating experience ever and then she

01:16:41.320 would hit you that you raped her basically it would literally just it would be just like imagine

01:16:45.400 that annoying high-pitched voice while you're just could you a little to the left a little bit

01:16:51.880 a little bit and terrible jokes too she would just just awful

01:16:58.280 yes we get it you're on the office john ham remove my asshole before i would

01:17:04.760 smell mindy kaling from a distance

01:17:07.000 like what about the hottest indian chick yeah i was just about to say name a hot one go ahead

01:17:14.440 give me one hot one ever i'm i'm drawing a blank right right you know why because the lord hasn't

01:17:22.280 made it yet because he can't jesus is literally sitting at the workbench going guys i can't do

01:17:28.520 anything with this like i can't make anything with this like padma lakshmi before she got like all that

01:17:33.720 work done she's pakistani she's pakistani she doesn't care yeah that was like i was i was watching

01:17:40.280 uh every beautiful indian or pakistani woman by the way is half someone said the one married to jonas

01:17:46.520 brother priyanka chopra i think is also pakistani but it could be wrong and by the way she's like a

01:17:52.600 busted rachel ray like she's hot her lips look like she was stung by a bee and by the way they're the

01:18:00.920 color of that bee's asshole yeah that's your best your best is priyanka chopra who looks like someone's

01:18:09.480 mom well dude that was like i was watching i was watching two bears one cave uh i would literally

01:18:15.320 rather suck your ass to suza's cock then then then cheek kiss priyanka chopra we can tell he's really

01:18:24.600 worked up about this because i'm just trying to get worse and worse

01:18:31.400 he's gonna cancel for everything well this kind of ties in because uh uh it's not racism it's a

01:18:41.960 but it was ari shafir and burt kreischer and they were looking up what um ethnicity has the

01:18:47.560 worst looking women and they were just like here's white people and they were like oh that's pretty

01:18:51.640 bad and they were like here's black people and they're like oh and then they were like here's

01:18:56.200 indian person and they literally they were like they almost like threw up at the like if the

01:19:01.080 best looking indian woman is the jonas brother's wife the worst looking one is literally hot garbage

01:19:07.880 right listen there's a reason why they cover them up over there gentlemen

01:19:14.440 have you guys ever noticed that ari shafir just sounds like if dave smith smoked like two packs a

01:19:18.760 day he kind of looks like it too he looks like dave smith's hair just fell out

01:19:25.720 is it ari's a um west coast guy too isn't he or no no he's a new york guy well he was out here for

01:19:34.280 no he was out here for a while but i think he was born and raised in new york and he lives in new

01:19:38.200 york now he is a jew so yeah yeah i was gonna say like jewish new york

01:19:42.520 you know some of my favorite print them out here

01:19:50.200 you got bert and tom and uh well joe left are you gonna move to austin like all these other

01:19:55.160 fucking california no i'll never move to austin if i move anywhere i'll just move to where i want to

01:20:00.280 live and i'll figure the career stuff out aside from that so and the only place i ever visited that

01:20:06.120 i would want to live like when we were doing the show for food network we we did a bunch of shows all

01:20:10.680 over the country the one place i went to where i was like i would retire here and live here was

01:20:14.680 charleston south carolina so if i move anywhere it would probably be there um and you know and it's

01:20:21.160 like for the barbecue yeah well the barbecue is great the seafood's great there's also something

01:20:26.600 just really whimsical about like walking out of an apple store and across the street is a 400 year old

01:20:33.400 historically preserved plantation home josh wants slaves that's what he said no no no i just want

01:20:42.280 the reminder of slaves you know it's a it's a it's about uh our history and our heritage

01:20:50.520 it's like i don't need the statues i have the plantation right there it's like is there like a

01:20:56.360 specific like charleston pussy flavor that they yeah it's called the charleston chew i don't know

01:21:05.640 it's a real gummy uh it's a real gummy taste smoky flavor nice smoky rich listen i've had

01:21:14.360 i've had pussy in uh most of the regions of the country and i can tell you uh that the best two

01:21:19.800 slices i've ever had uh are are from iowa and minnesota interesting in minnesota was it called

01:21:29.320 the juicy lucy that's funny if you don't know your culinary terms of juicy lucy is a minnesota

01:21:37.560 famous burger that has cheese stuffed in the middle yeah and uh and uh it's fun when you get to be the

01:21:44.520 cheese did you ever eat um adam richmond did i ever meet him no we got into a feud actually on twitter

01:21:53.560 uh and this was probably the first time i pissed off the network because what adam rich would do

01:21:58.920 when my show came out it was before they rebooted man versus food and so naturally a lot of people

01:22:04.360 were like oh this is like a fat guy and these giant foods but he's not doing eating challenges

01:22:08.280 well yeah i don't want to die yeah i was just like and also everybody like everybody was like

01:22:14.520 yeah the most disgusting part is the challenges and the network picked me because i was really

01:22:19.080 good at riffing with the guests and making fun of the guests and so they were like oh yeah well

01:22:23.160 we'll just we'll make the guests do the eating challenges uh or or eat yeah you can do yeah exactly

01:22:30.760 you can do commentary and with them and make them look stupid and that's my favorite those are my two

01:22:35.320 favorite things to do you're gonna die now we just want the guests to die instead right exactly and so

01:22:41.080 um that was the concept of the show but then people the weird thing is like people would come out and

01:22:47.240 all the criticism of the show in the beginning was either this is gluttonous and wasteful uh that was

01:22:52.440 one half of the audience and then the other half of the audience is like this fucking pussy isn't even trying

01:22:57.320 and and then so like adam richmond would go in and like all of the negative comments that people would

01:23:05.880 make about my show on twitter and then i was like at one point he did it one day and i go look you

01:23:11.480 fucking faggot i called him out on twitter and i go if you got something to say about my show why don't

01:23:16.440 you man up and say it yourself pussy and uh i didn't i didn't use all that language but i did say uh

01:23:23.240 we've been to six restaurants that you filmed at nobody's had anything good to say about you you

01:23:27.800 fucking scumbag you know like they would tell us stories about how he would fucking like demand he

01:23:34.920 be sequestered from everybody else in the restaurant before he filmed and like he needed his own section

01:23:41.240 carved out like a green room he demanded that the staff not bother him uh while he's waiting to film like

01:23:48.280 real fucking diva uh uh face yeah i heard that he was a faggot but yeah and it's just like more so

01:23:55.480 that i've uh that i can tell okay so his retort to that by the way was and i always liked him on the

01:24:00.840 show uh but i didn't like him like taking this pussy passive aggressive stance towards me on the show

01:24:06.520 and my show did better ratings than his show ever did uh because he was on travel channel yeah he was

01:24:12.200 on travel channel and i was on food network so the first episode of my show did like

01:24:18.040 1.3 million viewers in the live plus six which is live viewing plus six days of dvr and my second

01:24:25.880 episode which is our highest rated one did almost two million uh views and it was the highest premiered

01:24:31.720 show that the entire family of networks had had in like 10 years um and then so immediately uh they

01:24:39.400 started like being like oh what are some other shows like that we can do and then they rebooted man

01:24:42.920 versus food and they rebooted some other shows but um but yeah he was like he yeah he was just like

01:24:50.840 being so passive aggressive and then i was like so i called him out and then his response was like

01:24:56.600 uh i called every restaurant of mine that you had been to and they said they never said such a thing and i

01:25:01.720 go that's that's a real sane response you fucking narcissist you want me to you want me to believe

01:25:10.600 in the last 30 minutes you called all six of those restaurants and everybody that answered were people

01:25:16.600 that were there both when i filmed and when you filmed 10 years ago and and you you want me to believe

01:25:24.680 that everyone was honest to you about saying what a piece of you were when you weren't there okay it's

01:25:30.760 gonna be i thought it was gonna be like i called him and they said you were the worst

01:25:37.400 that would have even been a better argument because it's like i couldn't have denied that but like

01:25:42.200 you called back and then or you you said you called them and then you replied back to just defend your

01:25:47.720 honor you know who doesn't have i was like you know who doesn't have to call people to double check if

01:25:54.040 they're a piece of shit or not people that aren't pieces of shit like if somebody goes yeah i met a

01:26:00.040 guy who met you once and said you were a piece of shit and i go yeah that sounds like a him issue not

01:26:04.520 me like i'm pretty cool with people if i was a piece of shit to you you probably did something to

01:26:09.560 fucking deserve it so this kind of makes me sad though because it makes you think that maybe like

01:26:13.640 gaffieri is like a real dick behind the scenes and that really tells me out everybody says he's great

01:26:17.960 i think i think he's not yeah like i think his food is not really that good but i think he's a

01:26:22.600 decent guy like yeah yeah he everybody i've talked to said he's great bobby flay was great

01:26:27.800 i met him and he was really supportive and nice um overpriced everybody i met was great sonny listen

01:26:34.840 sonny anderson and i had a fucking blast together doing b bobby flay and then when i did the straight

01:26:40.120 white male thing in 2018 which was basically me saying uh let's not pretend that racism to white

01:26:46.040 people isn't as bad as it is when you're racist to black people it's the same shit yeah but for some

01:26:50.760 reason we just think that being racist to white people is okay and uh i'm gonna be crazy here and

01:26:55.560 disagree with you uh and then she just messaged me when all that happened and she's like i'm appalled

01:27:01.320 and i was like sonny you spent a whole day with me do you really think i'm a fucking white supremacist

01:27:05.640 because if i am i should get a fucking emmy for how much i hit it in front of you for a 12-hour shoot

01:27:14.440 it's like it's like oh that's why you're going to the bathroom every 15 minutes you just go in there

01:27:18.040 and be like god damn this fucking nigger i'm gonna yeah that's what was happening yeah

01:27:23.720 he even destroyed gavin mcginnis's toilet just to prove that he hates white supremacist

01:27:29.880 yeah i shattered gavin's toilet to uh to cement my my stance as being pro-black by being too fat

01:27:36.360 yes yes i spent my entire life over eating to train for such a moment it is it is a very weird

01:27:44.760 thing within the like the culture war of basically we're going to call you racist or it was the

01:27:50.760 weirdest one is whenever they call like a jewish person a nazi which is like happens like days with

01:27:54.920 all the time it's just like at some point these words you're saying mean nothing they don't mean

01:28:00.280 anything because like i could hang out with a black guy and a jewish guy all day and you'll still call

01:28:04.200 me a white supremacist they'll call larry elder the black face of white supremacy it's like this

01:28:09.560 the shit doesn't mean anything anymore right yeah i just live in my own world like any good homeless

01:28:16.600 person you just it's like i just i just yell slurs to the people as they walk by my uh corner don't

01:28:24.520 you have to go pawn that face again i was like telling this girl yesterday i was like uh wouldn't it

01:28:32.520 be cool if you just did a bunch of drugs and uh you just permanently like fucked yourself up to

01:28:36.760 where you're just living in a fantasy land and you're just walking around town and you see some

01:28:40.360 fat chick and you're like oh there's a troll and you just like start fucking saying a bunch of

01:28:45.080 shit i think that'd be pretty funny oh man it's gone then the joke was so bad josh didn't he left

01:28:54.680 i don't know what happened there i literally have no clue maybe like his uh

01:29:00.760 maybe just went out but that was we're already hey we're an hour and a half in anyway so i don't know

01:29:06.040 if uh i want to get his plugs in but i don't really know i mean

01:29:09.560 i believe he's the host of ginormous food still which is now just him eating black

01:29:16.440 pussy i just it's bbw pussy by the way oh yes specifically yes all right well i mean if we

01:29:26.360 don't think he's coming back yeah i mean i really don't know if he's coming back yeah let's give him

01:29:31.640 a minute just uh offended by that bad really bad joke so i guess we can talk about because this uh

01:29:39.080 real quick i know it was talked about on the jose show but we did get an invite or kind of an invite

01:29:45.640 to tim cast iro we um basically uh the story that happened there was on the show on monday we um

01:29:54.280 someone mentioned that our tower gang was mentioned on tim cast to uh phil from all that remains

01:30:00.280 and he was just like oh yeah they're a bunch of uh what do you call us shit lords yeah he goes to

01:30:05.960 the shit lords libertarian shit lords and we're like oh that's pretty based so afterwards on the

01:30:12.920 tower gang uh podcast twitter i sent a tweet out to um lydia and tim i said tim cast um we were the

01:30:22.600 libertarian shit lord podcast that was mentioned on your show also lydia will you sell us uh tim's bath

01:30:28.120 water to which lydia's pride lol no but you're you can come on the show which to me was like holy

01:30:36.600 shit like yeah and then that blew up pretty quickly to where um we we we messaged uh and well clint got

01:30:44.200 with her because clint was on the show before so clint got with uh lydia messaged her and basically said hey

01:30:50.360 it's all or nothing like we're all coming or it's like we have some uh leverage but he did say that we

01:30:56.280 we all want to come at we all want to try to come or at least at the least it'll probably be me and toad

01:31:02.920 and clint it's gonna be because clint's been on for the me and toad kind of run the podcast um

01:31:09.000 but it's definitely plausible i would say that we could be going on the tim cast

01:31:18.440 uh which is fucking insane to say the least yeah um and like it's it's really something that's just

01:31:30.120 like we we have amazing fans like there's fucking i mean there's only 37 watching right now which is

01:31:34.760 actually really low especially for how good this podcast is uh this podcast was uh tonight with josh

01:31:40.600 it was up uh it was at least in the 50s i think at one point but and it's it's not a day that we ever

01:31:45.880 do the show so there is that's true i didn't think about that but you know um 1.7 000 subs but

01:31:50.920 all these people are so you're so fucking awesome for like listening to us and we literally uh me and

01:31:56.440 toad started this just to fucking fuck around and we did not we thought most was going to be three

01:32:02.680 viewers and two of those was going to be you know one was going to be my wife and the other person

01:32:07.560 would be some idiot from tower gang probably the one the other hosts that weren't on that night

01:32:11.640 we'll be watching it but instead we got all you yeah it's going to be saying it's just our game

01:32:17.080 group chat well yeah well we definitely we also couldn't have done it without you know like clinton

01:32:22.280 reed and guys like that like the bigger names are just kind of with us right away and and josh smith

01:32:27.480 as well uh and we couldn't have done it without the the members of tower gang as spud ruckus is saying

01:32:33.880 right here the groupies yeah we had people listening to us right away and it was just like kind of

01:32:39.080 we're hanging out like every monday night basically so we had an audience right away

01:32:43.320 because of that so and literally like to go on timcast would basically like it's it's like the

01:32:51.000 next level like it's so it's so crazy to think you know what if we i would still try to be funny

01:32:56.120 one of the jokes i honestly was thinking about doing was um it's because you can't curse on there i

01:33:00.920 would just say stupid shit like crap or crud and every time just profusely apologize oh i'm sorry can

01:33:06.280 i say that like this and this and this hobgobbler came over here and say i'm just like oh sorry tam i

01:33:14.200 i forgot i can't do you guys have to like make fun of them the whole time oh yeah it's gonna it's

01:33:20.840 gonna be very like very meta we're gonna be truly really trying to do different shit and like uh do

01:33:27.800 tower gang stuff will be uh mentioned and there's other stuff that me and toadon know that we're trying

01:33:33.320 to work on to get to happen so um that is would basically break the political internet if we did

01:33:44.840 not because of us but it would it would basically break the political internet if it happened

01:33:49.960 and just us sitting there while it happens it's just gonna pretty gonna be pretty awesome to see

01:33:54.840 but we don't know if it's gonna happen but we're we're really trying um it it's if it's gonna happen

01:34:01.720 it'll be sometime soon they're uh they're right now they're trying to renovate a um get a larger um

01:34:10.680 studio which could accompany all all of us yeah i was gonna say they're doing that specifically to fit

01:34:16.760 all yeah it's because we need like yeah five or six people by the way we have 30 hosts can you

01:34:22.600 accommodate all of us oh yes those that all of you dress like tim that would be really funny

01:34:30.520 well people have said that i just look like i'm just i'm bald and i wear a beanie sometimes but

01:34:34.520 yeah we think yeah we think toes not gonna be able to do it because like um tim will get really upset

01:34:41.160 it oh he did come back what's up josh did you get my did you get my twitter message no okay so so

01:34:49.080 i'll just tell you guys uh sometimes a man can hold it in his life and sometimes he's about to

01:34:56.920 himself on a podcast so i was literally i was literally at the precipice of like okay i have two

01:35:04.520 choices i can literally shit myself on the pod immediately bail and hope they don't get offended

01:35:14.200 you think we would get offended like we've been waiting for the first person to bail if you notice

01:35:19.240 before i went dark i was shifting about in my seat quite a bit we thought it was just because sam wasn't

01:35:25.640 funny did you push down on your crotch because it works i'm telling you it works

01:35:30.920 no no i went way past the getting hard portion of taking a shit buddy and i literally was just

01:35:39.480 like i gotta i gotta make a decision and i just went with it and then i it would like a message

01:35:44.840 toad on twitter and i was like be right back just the podcast yeah i see that now i wasn't paying

01:35:52.040 attention to my twitter messages maybe i should yeah i didn't even think i was like i should go to

01:35:55.720 the private chat and say something that i did not have time crisis crisis averted boy can i tell you

01:36:02.840 the bowl has never been more filled to the brim gentlemen oh man did you flood your whole house

01:36:07.320 with it was it was like it literally looked like someone spilled a box of lincoln logs in my toilet

01:36:13.160 we were just gonna start doing plugs for you without knowing exactly yeah oh my god yeah it put it

01:36:21.240 in the food network it was so fast yeah it was just like yeah it was i mean it and it was it was pure

01:36:29.880 shitting there was no like waiting well you know my friend's dad told me a really good thing uh he said

01:36:36.040 it doesn't take long when it's squirting out yeah yeah i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure the first turd

01:36:44.360 kissed the inside of my underpants before they came down you're pretty little prey dog

01:36:52.920 yeah it was that we we almost had a we almost had an extended stay america situation on our hands

01:36:58.760 well josh we were gonna no guadalupe to take the hit in this one you are guadalupe

01:37:07.000 we were about to wrap it up anyway so uh you want to give your plugs uh we know you're at food network

01:37:12.520 yeah definitely if you like my stuff go to joshdennycomedy.com uh you can find all my social

01:37:19.160 media links there you can get links to the jankum podcast to my locals page uh you can check out my

01:37:24.280 show on censored.tv next week tonight there'll be a new episode of that tomorrow on friday and then

01:37:29.960 if you don't like me just email the food network or tweet at them or let them know how you feel

01:37:37.400 that they very much like to listen call them faggots yeah yeah they'll call josh video slurs in there

01:37:45.640 yeah call josh like this faggot there's so many offensive things on the internet what the

01:37:51.880 fuck is wrong guys no no twist it so like make them just be like hey food network i'm so glad

01:37:57.400 you got that faggot josh diddy off your network yeah exactly prancing gay faggots all over my my screen

01:38:03.400 thanks for getting them off you know what would be hilarious is uh is it at some point um

01:38:10.040 at some point uh they will they'll have to reply to one of those or like they'll like one of them and

01:38:16.120 then somebody will show that but the thing i like the most is uh occasionally like a smart person will

01:38:21.720 stumble into the cancel mob and they'll go wait a minute all of these offensive jokes are from many

01:38:27.800 years before the food network hired him when he said that the name of the washington redskins should

01:38:35.560 be the prairie niggers uh that was a joke that was on his twitter four years before the food network

01:38:44.520 hired him why did they hire him anyway and then they're like uh-oh sir don't open that can of worms

01:38:51.000 you'll send their pr you'll send their pr team to the top building to throw themselves off

01:38:58.520 god damn it yeah yeah it was funny like notice in their in their their thing of like we regret

01:39:04.120 having ever given him a platform they didn't say we had no idea who this guy was when we gave him a

01:39:10.520 show you know that's a fucking lie we they did a huge background check and they were just like

01:39:16.040 yeah we get it you're a comedian you're gonna say fucked up things that's what comedians do

01:39:20.040 it would be like it would be like michael richards getting on seinfeld after the nigger event

01:39:26.520 exactly yeah like at least you could tell there's like a tone of sarcasm to where i'm saying like

01:39:33.480 yeah daniel schneider uh said he would never change the name and then now he's going to change it to

01:39:38.520 something way worse right like that's obviously the bit whereas kramer just calling two black men

01:39:45.480 the n-word and talking about how 50 years ago they would have just lynched them instead of

01:39:53.720 their disdain is not the same thing as me doing jokes guys is that why jeopardy just got rid of

01:39:59.560 mike richards because they uh mr michael richards yeah too close yeah wait poor the other josh denny who's

01:40:06.840 a doctor for the national institute of health that guy's gonna be forced to change his name

01:40:13.560 that's so great say i'm working people find you at man uh sam underscore r underscore kissed

01:40:25.160 sam r kissed yes and then uh i'm a fat comic dave on twitter oh yeah then rogue liberty by the way

01:40:31.160 rogue's a huge fan of yours josh he was the one he was in our he was telling us he's in our group chat

01:40:35.160 and for a long time and he was like man you gotta get josh denny on he's so funny that's so uh rogue

01:40:40.360 he's he's our like one of the few libertarian uh british people we have in that in our movement so

01:40:47.880 oh that's awesome yeah one of the one of the few not ugly ones too so he's like listen the amazing

01:40:54.520 thing about personal responsibility is the dentistry that comes along and if only the rest of my brethren

01:41:01.000 in the nation could catch wind we really fix this problem but we also said fuck you to rogue and then

01:41:07.000 once we saw your uh asian women having slanted vaginas joke that's why we're like okay we will

01:41:11.800 have him on oh yeah dude i've made i've made that's why i thought it was funny is when people were like

01:41:16.920 he said women that don't know they're pregnant or whores and i go oh wait till you guys get into the

01:41:21.400 bits it's about to get way worse uh the tip of the iceberg yeah there's so many bad ones on there

01:41:30.200 uh yeah and i also said uh recently i was like there should be an all asian version of the view called

01:41:36.440 the slant which is a hilarious double entendre about slant uh meaning an asian slur but also someone's

01:41:45.400 point of view on something uh which would be a great show and um and the funniest thing is like

01:41:51.800 one of my asian comedian friends like texted me was like really dude like really you think this

01:41:57.080 is funny and i was like hey man we used to make chinese voice to each other and giggle like little

01:42:03.640 bitches like when did that that's the problem because anytime they'd be like welcome to the

01:42:08.200 shrant

01:42:09.160 tell me that's not the funnest voice in the world to do

01:42:26.360 go fuck out of here yeah it's either the it's either the really asian voice or the really black

01:42:34.840 man voice that's another really fun one that's all fun well yeah and uh the show the slant their

01:42:42.760 house band would be the slants which is that band of asian people yes how great would that be they need

01:42:48.840 a gig right yeah now here's the question who would we cast on the slant right obviously i would like

01:42:55.160 my friend lauren chen who's a conservative lauren yeah she's like i'll be the asian megan mccain so

01:43:00.520 we've already gotten that one uh we've already and by the way quite a uh attractive upgrade to megan

01:43:06.280 mccain which which isn't hard because i would be a attractive upgrade to megan mccain but uh but who

01:43:13.320 who would be your other asian people on the slant didn't they have um they had like i thought they

01:43:18.920 had an asian uh woman on it at one point i don't know that's a show called the real

01:43:25.800 all right um who's that who's that uh cdc woman that i want to like shove in front of a bus

01:43:33.240 is she from the cdc dr uh liana when or whatever yeah yeah i want to push her in front of a bush

01:43:38.760 just because he's a faggot i'll say uh pang dang

01:43:41.480 that's a good one uh yeah you're gonna have dr ken jong on there his he's uh his penis is so small

01:43:51.160 that he would count as a lady you could have uh william hong who's yeah yeah i think you'd have to

01:43:56.440 have as the main one you'd have to connie chung right like she's the all-time great

01:44:01.160 yeah yeah asian newscaster yeah and you need uh lisa lane i don't even know who these people are

01:44:07.880 whoever the the cultural person could be lucy lu right

01:44:13.240 because she's like the entertainment person like listen you guys are some you guys making

01:44:16.600 something it's racist this would be a great fucking show yeah it would be a great show

01:44:20.040 oh who's the um could you imagine five super intelligent women having rational discussions

01:44:26.920 instead of babbling like insane bitches i could not imagine that yeah what's more worse what's

01:44:33.400 more worse the idea of the show the slant or a network too racist to make it happen okay who's the

01:44:39.480 enemy here okay i have hope in the people you don't i win yeah what's more racist making a show

01:44:47.800 called the slant or denying asian women a platform

01:44:54.120 oh my god josh this is this has been great thanks for coming on again yeah thanks we had

01:44:58.360 tons of fun this is one of my favorite podcast episodes yet one of the funniest episodes yeah

01:45:03.560 this one the the robbie the fire and the adam nutter it's and i said this to toad he was like

01:45:08.120 what are we gonna talk about tonight i was like it's a comedian it's gonna be like these are

01:45:11.480 that all these are always the easiest podcasts we do whenever we have comedians on

01:45:15.240 it's like you adam nutter dave dave is different i mean he's fucking he can just talk politics and

01:45:21.720 comedy but you day um robbie um adam nutter who's the other one we had yeah i'm doing i think i'm

01:45:28.200 doing nutters next week i forget i think um we're doing a couple weeks yeah we're trying to do a route

01:45:34.840 we want to do a round table he wanted to get a bunch of comedians on there just to talk shit and um

01:45:39.960 which somehow me and toad got invited to that he had fun on our show so he did so he was uh

01:45:46.440 which by the way shout out to adam nutter he has like some of the best production quality out of any

01:45:52.600 show i've seen like the dude deserves way more views on his podcast yeah he's way more followers

01:45:58.840 yeah i don't know how his following is so little he's a great comedian yeah well there's it's because

01:46:04.440 there's a million of these and there's so many of them that are funny and it's like you just don't

01:46:08.280 have enough time in the week to watch all of the funny ones yeah it's so crazy it's it's insane i i

01:46:14.200 watch i i mostly watch comedic podcasts anyway and i still can't get through get through enough to

01:46:19.720 where like it's like somebody's like hey you want to watch mine i'm like yeah i wish i can but i can't

01:46:23.480 i literally don't have enough time yeah right exactly i don't even like watching mine to edit it

01:46:30.440 we don't even edit ours and i never watch it i've never re-watched one video of mine i can't do it

01:46:35.880 so i watch the clips from dicky walnuts now that's true dicky walnuts puts our clips out so

01:46:41.480 which he's gonna do that for you josh he said he already has a bunch of clips in mind so

01:46:44.920 oh good i can't i can't wait for the internet to find those it's gonna go viral man hey dicky

01:46:51.080 whenever you tweet it out just tag the food network automatically just cut out the middle

01:46:56.760 man of these internet sleuths and just go like i know you guys said that you wholeheartedly disagree with

01:47:03.160 the man and reject ever having giving him a platform in the first place but what about this

01:47:11.480 josh it was great having you on absolutely thank you yeah it was it was a great episode again so

01:47:17.000 thank you guys come back next week i can't remember who we have on we have something on our power yeah

01:47:21.480 we're we're on tuesday next week unless we want to like slide one into the monday slot too but we got

01:47:26.440 tuesday we got the libertarian friendship simulator guys derrick oh that's right yeah which i think is

01:47:31.720 going to be a pretty hilarious episode and uh and then after that we got uh phil labonte who was

01:47:37.800 brought up in this episode at some point i think because he was on he mentioned us on tim pool he's

01:47:41.560 coming on the week after that and then we got ashton birdie the week after that oh you guys have ashton

01:47:47.640 coming on she's fun yeah we got we got a fun lineup coming up yeah fun lineup all right thanks

01:47:54.040 guys have a good night hell yeah next time peace

Tower Gang - September 24, 2021

Ep 36 - Free Range Pussy w⧸ Josh Denny

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