Tower Gang - Ep 54 - Professional Bull w⧸ Chrissie Mayr

00:00:00.000 up retards the funniest 9-11 jokes were written on 9-12 women jerk off dicks like fucking they're

00:00:05.040 an unruly ferret yeah you ever had a 9-11 cocktail it's in manhattan with two kamikazes

00:00:12.580 you see the socialists don't have an accurate answer for this and she needs to account for it

00:00:19.380 white women must be stopped that's right what we can stay horny and retarded longer than she

00:00:27.340 can stay sane what your ass ass to penis ratio maybe you could say we had sex but we didn't

00:00:33.860 fuck oh jesus fat dave fuck you man welcome everybody to to a short staff short staff

00:00:47.300 version of tower power hour we have as always jose of no way jose was it got this one we got

00:00:53.160 anarcho toad myself clint russell from liberty lockdown and the woman who was actually

00:00:58.900 scheduled to be the body double for jen saki but was too attractive and they fired her chrissy

00:01:04.640 mayor yeah yes i came down with some very rare myocarditis and uh they said i wouldn't get it

00:01:11.520 but i got it well you're gonna start with myocarditis talking get us nuked right away

00:01:17.960 no i actually was i was going oh my god tower gang and then i saw the the picture of the twin

00:01:23.700 towers i'm like is that why you guys named your podcast that's great it didn't flag it to you when

00:01:29.800 you're like it starts at 9 11 actually i don't know if anyone said that is so smart that's so and i was

00:01:34.580 like yeah there are a lot of 9 11 jokes in this opening video i love it that that manhattan with the

00:01:42.080 kamikaze drink that's so funny that's great it's a great joke oh yeah it's only joke order one at

00:01:48.720 the bar and see what happens i feel like i feel like 20 years deep we're not exactly cutting new

00:01:54.760 territory here but um i feel like it's also still taboo enough that it there's some humor to it so

00:02:00.500 it's kind of that good gray area i enjoy when anyone makes a cocktail out of a out of a semi like

00:02:06.080 well-known tragedy like what was the kyle rittenhouse drink it was like two shots and then

00:02:12.000 i don't know i forget what it was but it was so funny it was um fuck was it four shots three shots

00:02:18.480 it was three shots and then something else it was great i don't remember that one i thought

00:02:24.320 something it had to do with a chaser i thought yes yeah yeah yeah kyle rittenhouse drink i'm looking

00:02:31.980 it up three three chasers and three shots sounds pretty good to me yeah just actually a distillery

00:02:39.540 with a drink named rittenhouse uh the head of rittenhouse rye yeah and no i'll come back when i

00:02:49.620 have it when i find it well when you guys told me we're gonna have this mayor chick on tonight's

00:02:54.800 episode i thought you meant liberty thought wait what it's it's meyer right mayor

00:03:01.400 meyer meyer god damn it god damn it how dare you doubt my professionalism okay it's um it's a

00:03:09.400 german last name so a lot of a lot of the germans who tried to assimilate when they got to ellis island

00:03:15.900 added in an extra e like whenever you see m-a-y-e-r that's because they're from a german heritage and

00:03:22.400 they wanted to fit in better but not my family my real last name is german too that's why i don't use

00:03:29.020 it because people can't pronounce it it's actually hitler you don't want people to feel uncomfortable

00:03:33.700 around you yeah that'd be awesome if my last name was hitler can you imagine going through life with

00:03:40.820 your last name being hitler like just a normal person healer it's pronounced it's it's a soft t damn it

00:03:47.360 like every time you gotta be like yes i know hitler

00:03:50.840 last episode somebody mentioned that uh hitler was akin to antibiotics and now you're saying his

00:03:59.460 name is actually pronounced healer that was a reach but it worked if you uh watch the previous episode

00:04:06.120 i would just change it to like hitlerstein so then people will be like yeah it's short for hitlerberg

00:04:13.480 uh hitlerowitz uh it really sucked when click got doxed

00:04:18.640 it's like i really didn't want people to know my last name you were doxed

00:04:25.120 what is it what is being doxed really someone just like posts your address like what does it mean

00:04:32.760 to be doxed well it it's there's a ton of varieties of doxing obviously um in this case i use my middle

00:04:39.600 name instead of my last so i got my last name put out there i got my former uh business name my

00:04:45.380 business address my parents address my former address they gave like as much information as they

00:04:50.400 could possibly must it could be any personal information really so you know i self-doxed my

00:04:55.260 penis size so i take that out of play that's good that's really smart yeah what what is the size

00:05:01.320 yes and and it was already out of play you know that most i learned this most men are the size of

00:05:07.480 a sharpie so just see how many sharpies you can fit your mouth

00:05:10.880 that's it you know what i mean that's going in our new i don't know i think mine's a little bit

00:05:18.220 wider than that yeah are you saying most men are the length or the width because if so that's awesome

00:05:23.660 i think it's the length yeah okay yeah that's yeah yeah mine leaves a permanent mark either way so

00:05:30.340 yeah you have a hard time getting it off of you for a couple days you're like

00:05:33.920 are those stickers on your door jose do you have stickers in your room yeah i mean right there those

00:05:42.660 ones are stickers the rest aren't those are other shit they're actually um decals

00:05:46.800 they're just fucking stickers i mean a kid bought some and i was like i don't give a shit

00:05:52.020 i mean these doors are cheap and easy to replace so whatever you know you wouldn't think you just

00:05:56.080 take the stickers off you wouldn't you just let me take the whole door off well i don't know i mean

00:06:00.280 maybe i'd try to go i guess you probably could repaint it if they came off i don't know you think

00:06:03.580 it probably leaves some oh wait so you're in a child's room so okay no this is this is my room

00:06:09.520 but oh okay it's not the master bedroom it's a room that's adjoined to the master bedroom i was about

00:06:14.080 to retract my judgment but now i am leaving it there i'm leaving my judgment of your i'm married

00:06:19.940 with kids so i have no one to impress so if i want to have a room of shit that i like you know i don't

00:06:24.200 give a fuck oh yeah yeah you do you yeah i just i haven't met too many grown men with stickers on

00:06:29.440 their door that's oh no if i was single this would not be a thing i gotta get laid

00:06:32.780 what are the stickers are those like sports teams no no there's just different like superhero shit like

00:06:39.820 used to be i'm still i still like comic books and shit but i'm not as much as i was when i was

00:06:44.220 younger when i started this like a few years ago but i mean i'm still into it very manly stickers like

00:06:49.240 you zoom in on them and it's like i fuck chicks i love women i my dick is always hard you know like

00:06:55.600 these are cool i make a lot of money you know stickers for women don't let the stickers fool you

00:07:04.020 yeah don't let the stickers hit you on the way out bitch it's from the jack murphy collection

00:07:09.120 i don't have any of those stickers i just yell those things out yeah i just exude it and move on

00:07:15.700 i used to love stickers remember oily stickers i would get a sticker book and i'd be like wow

00:07:20.800 you'd like touch them and stuff remember fuzzy stickers yeah those yeah i do remember those that

00:07:25.980 was great were you friends with jack murphy by chance friends were we friends uh we were

00:07:32.860 we were his wife we were acquainted i've met his i've met his fiancee i met him and his i met him

00:07:39.560 and his fiancee at a jacked brunch in nashville in october i was in uh i was in nashville for a

00:07:46.180 medical freedom convention and he was like oh i'm doing a jacked brunch nearby i want to come and i was

00:07:52.100 like sure and it was actually like a lovely event i had a bunch of mimosas uh i met like a bunch of

00:07:58.460 like nice guys like everyone's like well-dressed looked like the vibe was very successful and kind

00:08:03.940 of you know what you just described right what date date rape i think no that that sounds a lot

00:08:09.460 like a gay meetup it was a brunch with mimosas well-dressed everyone's pants were a little too

00:08:16.460 tight uh it's weird a lot of people going to the bathroom together it's normal it just sounds like a

00:08:22.160 power gang meeting to me oh that's true too well we don't dress that well how how do you how do women

00:08:27.480 perceive uh cuckdom because men for the most part have a very knee-jerk like this is the most pathetic

00:08:33.980 thing i've ever heard reaction i'm just curious if you feel i can't speak for all women because like

00:08:39.240 it depends on like where you fall on the kind of like like sexual promiscuity or sexual like what you

00:08:46.160 can tolerate scale like some women are like very very open open relationships like anything goes you

00:08:52.200 know and then some women do that and then there's not a lot of talk and trust which is like mostly just

00:08:56.760 like kind of just cheating and fucking around and then so it depends like where you are but um do i

00:09:02.740 judge it no would i get involved with it personally probably not i think i would probably get uh i think

00:09:09.660 i would lose respect if a guy that i really liked and was into was into watching another guy like

00:09:16.600 dominate me i'd be like oh i was i would kind of wish that it would be the guy that i liked

00:09:20.380 dominating me like i would be like oh why why wouldn't i just stick with this guy why do i need

00:09:24.380 an audience if i was if i was into being watched like then that's yeah go be watched like hook up with

00:09:30.640 the guy you like in a public place or whatever like be like oh it might be caught i get that but i don't

00:09:35.700 get like having someone that can't bring it like watching in the corner i don't know it's always

00:09:43.420 struck me as kind of inherently gay and i don't know if that's fair i don't know if it's fair but

00:09:48.720 like it's either that or you want you you don't feel worthy of your partner so you want to see some

00:09:55.120 other guy go to town or or you're aroused by shame and guilt or something that's what i think it is

00:10:00.220 i think it has no i don't think it has to do with being like gay or not and it's so easy like i can

00:10:05.280 understand a guy being like oh it involves another guy it's gay goodbye like you're not going to want

00:10:09.680 to sit there and break it down but i do think it has to do with like maybe a deep-seated like

00:10:14.060 insecurity or maybe a previous insecurity like maybe he used to be a fat guy or an unpopular guy

00:10:20.600 and like and now that he is better and more successful you can dig back to that former self

00:10:25.900 of like oh i'm not worthy i'm so bad i don't deserve good like nice things good people like my own

00:10:32.100 sex partner um yes shame is a huge kink for a lot of people not me but no on the flip side though

00:10:40.400 can you think of anything more masculine than fucking another dude's wife while he watches

00:10:44.080 is there is there a name for that like not the cock but the guy who does the cocking

00:10:50.480 is he the bull they call him the bull i believe is his name greedy a greedy boy i've been i've been

00:10:58.380 offered multiple times i've never done it because i've i feel like there's gonna be like the dude's

00:11:03.500 gonna just sneak in there and rail me in the ass while i'm getting it in so i don't even man there's

00:11:08.500 no way that ends not awkward like what do you do after like you just kind of well uh nice day sir

00:11:13.920 uh i'll be out of here uh let me find my coat you go over i feel like you bump on the way up

00:11:20.000 you bump dicks actually a little sword fight yeah yeah that's right like i challenge you to a duel

00:11:29.260 good sir that's how you determine who the bull is actually yeah can you just put these horns on

00:11:34.540 real quick yeah that's right he presents a dagger yeah can you just like run into one i'm gonna hold

00:11:41.580 one of my wife's dresses and you just run into it it's like thumb wrestling whoever's cock pins the

00:11:48.020 other guy's cock wins sounds pretty gay i'm telling you it's okay i think you have to agree

00:11:56.600 you have to agree on what's gonna go down beforehand like if you're gonna be like profesh

00:12:00.980 about it like you meet up you have dinner you go here's what's gonna happen here's what we don't

00:12:04.800 want to have happen here's what we would like to have happen um so that all the rules are like

00:12:09.420 really like crystal clear before you go into it i just realized something more masculine being than

00:12:14.940 being the guy that fucks under his wife it's being the professional that does that i'm a professional

00:12:19.740 bull you know oh like it gets paid for it that's the highest one that has been armani has received

00:12:25.880 on the show that's what we should call from now a professional bull is that like uh there was a

00:12:33.900 curve enthusiasm enthusiasm episode recently with the concept of a house husband where these

00:12:39.420 i saw that i saw that yeah these women who yeah they all had these husbands who didn't know how to

00:12:44.060 do any handiwork whatsoever so they were good at negotiating it was um it was larry's uh it was

00:12:49.280 fucking paul mooney right leon yeah he's so funny i love that guy yeah he's like oh you're paying too

00:12:56.600 much for that oh he charged you he charged you two hundred dollars nah nah nah we can bring that down

00:13:00.900 you know are there are there any women that are into whatever the female version of cuckdom is where

00:13:07.140 like the girl wants to see her husband fuck other chicks in front of her it like see for me i would

00:13:13.240 imagine i would imagine that that means that the girl yeah exactly but that's that's a threesome

00:13:18.340 though it's different it's just called being a chick clint's asking if you have any friends

00:13:22.060 no no no i i'm serious because like like obviously there's a lot of girls that are bi and they're into

00:13:28.140 that and they're into the threesome thing like that's fairly common but is there that version of

00:13:33.040 cuckdom for women where they're like no no i don't want i want to literally sit here and watch

00:13:37.340 you probably but again i think it's the same kink i think it has to do with insecurity like you're

00:13:42.360 gonna sit there and unless you are like a total uh unless you're like an adult film star and you

00:13:49.940 it's so blasé to you you're so used to it like you're but then again you have to be so kind of

00:13:55.280 open to begin with but like i think for the average chick to like watch

00:13:59.440 her guy like rail another woman it's like it just makes you feel bad and it's like uh like

00:14:06.160 it'd be very hard for the average girl to watch that and not feel bad about herself so i think

00:14:11.200 it's a shame kink it's like a humiliation kink yeah it's really weird as a dude like a threesome

00:14:16.080 sounds dope but your wife watching in the corner like even if she's into it that's weird like it would

00:14:21.020 be me in the corner sad like i'm dsw website just buying stuff like yeah i'd probably call that a

00:14:27.100 divorce huh i'm gonna buy some more shoes if you're the woman who's doing the fucking of the

00:14:36.660 husbands is that woman called the cow all right i'll accept that you're the woman who's banging

00:14:44.980 someone else's husband because the inverse is the bull yeah i like it i like it actually yeah or we

00:14:51.600 you just call it the like is the sexual position just call it the divorce filing oh it's called

00:14:56.840 the filing yeah the filing defiling uh there's ashton ashton ashton about to start asking for a link

00:15:12.460 no now now i need to know now i need to know if a girl asked if she could watch us because that

00:15:20.700 that would be pretty fucking cool he'd be like i said me

00:15:24.820 clint clint is into it he wants to uh put on uh like some sort of educational performance honestly

00:15:33.020 if there's if there's some girl that wants to sit in the corner of the room and diddle herself when we

00:15:37.020 go to town i am not opposed that sounds pretty fucking cool i mean it's still a little weird

00:15:41.740 but you know i'm i'm like okay i'll try it i'm a showman i'm a showman by nature man let's do it

00:15:47.680 yeah i mean i don't like mind it's just weird that like you're just you're just watching like okay i

00:15:53.460 mean have fun i guess but prissy you knew i got ducks ashton talked to you talked to you about it on

00:15:58.100 your show oh right i forgot okay i forgot like who too sometimes information goes in and then it goes

00:16:04.420 right out someone threatened to dox me so then i called them on their ass and they dox clint which

00:16:09.520 was a complete curveball wow this is why i don't have a stage name this is why i like talk i try to

00:16:15.780 talk about everything so everybody knows i mean i called them on their shit because i was partly part

00:16:20.280 of it was like okay i mean i do have a stage name or whatever but it's like i didn't really care too

00:16:24.400 much if i got docs like what is it hose b i'll tell you later and you'll laugh but i'll tell you

00:16:31.620 later it is and it'll be uh you'll have a good laugh but i don't know i like having a shred of

00:16:35.380 anonymity but at the same time i was like if someone was threatening to dox me i was like okay

00:16:39.840 do it bitch and then they dox clint so i was like what the fuck yeah on christmas morning i still can't

00:16:47.660 believe like if my name was clint and i was gonna start a podcast i couldn't call it anything but

00:16:53.400 clint tease like i don't know why you do a you know i mean like that would be you have to have a

00:16:59.080 podcast called clint tease it's a missed opportunity is what i'm saying what i'm missing i'm missing the

00:17:05.140 play on words here i'm sorry clint no no the super chat he's talking to oh postmodern whole theory

00:17:12.800 i mean maybe it was i get postmodern whole theory i don't get and that's that's a good one you don't

00:17:18.420 get clint tease no it's not that hard do you guys get it i'm pretty sure i get it yeah like i know

00:17:27.200 that you you probably think it's an imaginary thing but clitoris you know that's a clitoris

00:17:32.380 i've never even heard of it i'm not i've never heard of it a clint tease is like the inverse of

00:17:38.240 a cock tease oh clint tease okay yeah how are we mansplaining to you no it's it's good it's uh

00:17:45.780 sometimes you need that just like jack murphy is clint your name right i think yeah okay

00:17:51.640 yeah actually clint torres clint torres exactly clint torres hitler actually i should have made

00:17:59.500 that my stage name clint more yeah clint clint torres leachman

00:18:03.820 clint torres no can you do the uh cloris leachman impression though no i don't even know what she

00:18:14.180 sounds like oh god i can't really do it doesn't just sound like an old smoker i'm cloris leachman

00:18:24.800 it basically sounds like that i feel like it sounds nothing like that i have no idea what it is either

00:18:31.700 this is great content man all right uh don't you have a video to show us toad i don't know if you

00:18:37.600 want to move on to that unless you guys get something else i yeah well we have a couple of

00:18:41.360 things we have uh yeah i have this video uh which uh it is this situation that happened i don't know

00:18:47.540 if chrissy is seeing this video or not but i can also preface it uh with what happened before this

00:18:52.920 video took place was this took place in fairfield connecticut and i went to school there oh interesting

00:19:00.020 so yeah it's one of your uh it's your stomping grounds so this dude i forget what his name was some

00:19:05.820 italian name he had gone into this smoothie place to get a smoothie for his son who i assume is

00:19:11.780 probably like a kid like high school age maybe or younger than that and his son is allergic to

00:19:17.620 peanuts so he asked for the smoothie with no peanuts and they gave him either a smoothie with peanuts in

00:19:23.480 it or there was cross-contamination and his son had this like severe allergic reaction to it and was

00:19:28.880 hospitalized for it and then this is what this guy decided to do after that happened i guess

00:19:36.160 well let me get this up here if this is a smoothie shop shooting like we're definitely gonna get a

00:19:42.260 channel no no no this is yeah there's yeah definitely not enough violence in this video by the way i

00:19:47.840 haven't watched this i'm completely going on toad's word that this is worth a damn at all i don't know

00:19:52.040 if this is yeah i'm going in blind too this is gonna be fun well um no you've said enough you can riff

00:19:57.800 on it we'll start it off if this is unfunny i'm gonna berate you there's four of us here so we

00:20:03.660 honestly don't know okay bye okay you can call corporate whenever you want goodbye

00:20:11.840 you're a fucking idiot okay good for you bye bye

00:20:41.380 there's something traumatizing about having a liquid thrown at you

00:20:44.700 more so than a than a sandwich

00:20:48.140 andy no knows all about it so this is this is the part where everybody flipped out about this

00:20:54.420 and started calling him a racist because of this comment

00:20:56.980 this doesn't really fit well here

00:21:18.740 yeah i do want to point out in high school i had some chick throw a drink on my fucking car

00:21:26.300 because she was mad at the dude in my passenger seat i never in my life wanted to hit like my

00:21:31.180 doxing i was so mad i was like why like that's so disrespectful like what the fuck like i really

00:21:36.460 just want to like just choke a woman like what is wrong with you like why would you do that like

00:21:40.800 i did nothing to you i had i had a buddy's girlfriend that threw uh an entire pina colada

00:21:47.000 in my lap or a margarita i forget which but yeah i was very upset you know that's the thing is like

00:21:51.800 you get old enough you realize that crazy only responds to crazy and the best thing you can do

00:21:56.260 when faced with crazy is to be neutral and as boring as possible and they can't stand that and

00:22:00.780 they have to move on because like it's about an energy match like if you have somebody bringing

00:22:05.200 this and and you're like in equal parts like no no you have to just be like oh okay and they they

00:22:10.720 can't stand that and they move on it's like you just have to remove yourself completely yeah how

00:22:15.320 are you double crazy but do it smartly you know that's that's jose's tactic i do it in the way that

00:22:22.300 let them let them fuck up and make an ass of themselves that's right i mean my my personal

00:22:27.200 opinion is that calling her an immigrant when she's speaking perfectly good english but she happens

00:22:31.400 to be brown is pretty fucking racist that's hilarious it could be way worse yeah yeah calling

00:22:37.540 somebody an immigrant which is not even really a slur it's kind of just like i don't know man like

00:22:41.540 is that even really racist because like yes anybody can be an immigrant we're all immigrants we all came

00:22:48.900 here he didn't say that accidentally don't excuse this guy you know what he was doing it's such a good

00:22:54.060 insult though because it's bizarre because it's not even really an offensive word i think this man

00:22:58.380 showed immense restraint i think he could have called her a smelly cab driver's daughter there's

00:23:03.440 something creative insult could have you could have thrown at her you yeah you fucking cross the border

00:23:10.460 you bet i i yeah i mean yeah if it's true i mean we're we're being told what the the premise of

00:23:19.640 this is is that his son is now in the hospital i don't know how you like you leave the place you take

00:23:25.220 your son to the hospital and then you drive back to throw the drink at the chick like well and and

00:23:30.100 also uh this chick was not uh the one that served the smoothie to him like she was not because this

00:23:36.560 must have happened like hours later because she was not in the store when he was served that he just

00:23:41.640 came back and just started flipping out on whatever employees were at the store at the time this covers

00:23:46.680 clint's face it just makes me giggle uh you do you do absolutely look like a guy that would drive

00:23:53.720 like a hundred percent yeah i had a challenger for a little while but i also don't think there was

00:24:03.440 much uh after that in the video by the way that was basically like the thing like i was like i like i

00:24:07.620 i don't know man like there were a lot of a lot of things to that like as someone who's worked

00:24:12.580 what's that seems like a lot of moving parts like i don't i'm not really clear on what led up to the

00:24:17.820 smoothie tossing i mean that story comes from like all the news articles that reported on this so i

00:24:24.480 think you believe the news yeah man i believe uh yeah the corporate media most of it was from like

00:24:31.940 local like fairfield area new haven shit like that oh someone pointed out in the chat earlier they were

00:24:37.980 asking about uh cole we never we never addressed that uh we kicked him off the show yeah yeah we

00:24:43.200 kicked him off the show he thought it was okay uh we had a friend brandon brandon von cluffington on

00:24:48.360 twitter his grandpa died fake name yeah uh it's a totally fake name but uh although i hope it's real i

00:24:54.980 don't know if it is or not but his grandpa died he made a touching post about it and then cole thought

00:25:00.200 it would be funny to make a coffee pasta of it and it's such we've fired him that's just too far

00:25:04.380 we're we're we're dicks over here at tower gang but we're not assholes so like there's a distinction

00:25:10.140 dicks fuck assholes we do the fucking we don't get fucked that's what you're saying yeah uh yeah so

00:25:18.500 yeah shout out to uh cole uh and his grandfather so it actually happened because cole is unvaccinated

00:25:24.320 so he literally killed grandpa shout out to his grandfather who is very much alive um it's really

00:25:30.960 yeah i mean it's just so uncool of him to pretend that his grandpa died for like social media clout i

00:25:37.780 i it's stunning honestly yeah i thought i knew him but then he goes and does something like this i know

00:25:42.680 we had to get rid of him and then he actually uh died because he was overweight and diabetic so a lot

00:25:48.220 of things going on there wait cole is overweight and diabetic yeah fat dave all right i can't give

00:25:52.840 the joke up anymore chrissy just so you know uh actually cole's grandpa did die and then we all

00:25:57.960 immediately started clowning on him because his grandpa died because that's the kind of friends

00:26:01.640 we are and i mostly did it because he made fun of me when my grandpa died and made jokes so i was

00:26:06.820 like i'm gonna go super hard at you now and so we all copy pasted him he had a beautiful touching

00:26:11.820 fucking tweet and everyone just like copy pasted it onto like separate tweets so it was like what

00:26:16.900 the fuck is going on did brandon did brandon photoshop that to make it seem as if his was earlier

00:26:22.420 yeah yeah it was funny because cole had people legit contacting be like hey man i'm really sorry

00:26:28.980 what they're doing to you that's like really fucked up but he's like but he's like dude like these are

00:26:32.780 my friends like they're assholes and i did it to them so i can't really

00:26:36.300 what did he die of huh what did he die of oldness i don't know who cares

00:26:43.520 did he die of oldness or with oldness

00:26:48.660 of or with is an important distinction uh yeah i mean let's be honest i don't really care that

00:26:57.980 his grandfather died because i didn't know his grandfather but but that being said i did not

00:27:02.920 pile on and when my grandfather dies correction they're both dead go ahead and make fun of me when

00:27:08.200 it when they yeah i didn't i didn't really pile on but i was also wondering like what is the statute

00:27:14.980 of limitations on like uh dead grandparent sympathy because what if what if i were to be like oh yeah

00:27:20.300 my grandfather died 11 years ago i still have a living grandmother so if if she dies she's very

00:27:27.640 she's very soft and sweet and if you make fun of her death i will kill you so don't do it i will say

00:27:33.540 though i think if cole was here he would say like he said multiple times how much he was laughing the

00:27:37.560 whole day i actually think we brightened his day and made a little bit better to deal with

00:27:40.920 that was all derrick dude derrick is so funny man oh yeah like i know even with my grandpa when it

00:27:45.980 happened like i was sad but like i know getting clowned on by the boys like if anything it just

00:27:50.460 lifted my spirits i was like fuck you guys but that's funny it's all about it's all about the

00:27:55.940 place it comes from if it's actually truly malicious that it's like okay that's fucking weird

00:28:00.360 uh but it was all love yeah no yeah we've already ragged on him dude we see where his priorities

00:28:06.220 are it is what it is uh you know we'll talk about it later so no elf culture that's a good point he

00:28:11.620 says i can't believe cole would tend to his grandfather's death instead of coming on tower

00:28:14.860 power he doesn't he lacks priorities and and that's that's just the truth and this is why he's so

00:28:20.840 incredibly obese we had a media fan who died very recently i wonder if it's the same guy

00:28:27.080 yo cole's grandfather you think about oh my god i just realized something if you think about how much

00:28:34.000 cole uses the n-word can you imagine what his grandfather said when it was okay to use it

00:28:39.240 well his wife uses it more than he does imagine his grandfather dude people from alabama or georgia

00:28:45.820 wherever the fuck that idiot's from they are out of their minds alabama yeah dude it's funny especially

00:28:51.200 like you talked like uh in the south like little sweet old ladies they will just like not even like

00:28:56.220 not even a little bit of hate or like they say it like it's nothing and my great grandmother said it

00:29:01.520 it was so awesome they're just words you know it depends like where you come up like i say gay

00:29:06.040 all the time i say everything is gay and it's like i think i think it just depends where you live and

00:29:10.860 how much meaning certain words have my great grandmother said negra in a sentence and i was

00:29:17.540 like i almost died i couldn't believe it i was like 12 years old no she said negra like i was like

00:29:24.280 that's like a female that's like a female n-word i don't know i don't know what the context was i was

00:29:30.360 only 12 but she said she said negra in a sentence there was no animosity or hatred in it she was

00:29:35.760 just referring to a black person and she said negra and i was like it sounds like she's friends

00:29:40.060 with shira it sounds like she's just fighting crime i mean i thought she was just ordering one

00:29:45.420 of those modelos the black modelos the neighbor my wife's uh grandparent or grandmother who's like a

00:29:51.240 super sweet old like southern actually she was originally from uh i think britain and then she like

00:29:56.000 moved like i don't know the fucking like shortly after world war ii or whatever the fuck when the

00:30:00.220 old people were to move to like with her husband and they lived in the south and like i remember at

00:30:04.760 one point she wanted me to hand her her cane and she's the sweetest old lady and she just like

00:30:09.040 like nothing it's like oh oh oh oh can you can you hand me my nigger knocker

00:30:13.880 like not even like she's doing it to like show off just be like that's just a thing you just say

00:30:27.200 you're like whoa okay grandma your cane is a gun whoa

00:30:31.500 oh my god she's like the penguin

00:30:36.400 wow that's incredible no she died shortly after but i wish we had more time with her just for that

00:30:44.360 i love the way that my grandma used to talk about race she'd come back from church

00:30:52.440 often and she'd be like oh chrissy i met the nicest man at church today he was black

00:30:57.520 but nice you know and i was like oh and i immediately you'd know what exactly what she

00:31:02.600 was talking about i'm like good for you grandma yeah he was like he speaks well he's very clean

00:31:07.820 like just like joe biden said about obama the closest i got it was like uh my grandfather on my

00:31:15.480 dad's side after uh my grandmother died he remarried this woman who we all thought was just horrible

00:31:20.840 because she was like she was a horrible person she's no she was no she wasn't black she was an old

00:31:27.280 uh ugly small white woman and the this was like the closest that any of my grandparents got to

00:31:33.860 racism pretty much was my grandfather's wife who at one point made like a derogatory comment

00:31:38.280 because my sister was dating this indian dude indian as in from the country of india not not native

00:31:43.700 american and uh like my grandfather's wife just makes this offhanded comment like yeah that guy that

00:31:49.400 guy i don't care if he's indian or whatever he's as black as the ace of snakes

00:31:53.280 that's funny that's so specific i love a specific reference it's funny hearing you from uh up north

00:32:01.700 toad and then you clint speak about like old people and it's like i'm like live in the south so i'm just

00:32:06.440 like if anything i'm just kind of like bored listening to these stories like oh mild racism

00:32:10.920 it was a little different in san diego it was it was less prolific but my my family

00:32:19.340 my great-grandmother was in colorado and she said negra and i i just i couldn't believe it i had

00:32:24.480 never heard anything like it in my life i was just like holy shit great gee gee how dare you

00:32:30.400 uh but he didn't mean anything bad by it they really got away with so much didn't they like

00:32:34.500 our parents and grandparents like they don't know how good they had it

00:32:37.420 hey we're taking it back though we'll get it back

00:32:42.460 i mean that's what we're trying to like basically the way that like all of us would have spoken when

00:32:47.960 i was in college uh not that long ago like none of that would fly anymore today so yeah i mean it

00:32:53.800 is just location but it's yeah we brought up the biden thing and a lot of people give him shit he said

00:32:58.080 like negro today and it was like by today's standard that is offensive but that's actually

00:33:03.160 pretty for like a person of his time that's pretty progressive because we were talking about

00:33:07.360 like old people like how my wife's grandma said like nigger just like flippantly it wasn't even

00:33:12.860 like she even cared it was and now you i mean whatever it's just a word i don't care i'm just

00:33:17.780 describing something there's no hate there i don't give a fuck but like uh i don't know just the way

00:33:22.640 she said it flippantly and like you think like uh biden i mean he is a little bit dementia addled so

00:33:27.360 i mean that probably contributes to it but it is like for his time that's nothing like who cares you

00:33:32.360 know really even now i mean if you're looking objectively it's really not that big of a deal it's just

00:33:36.280 funny you're like you really do not have your shit together do you if joe biden if joe biden had

00:33:41.240 social media back in like the 1960s can you imagine what type of shit he would have said it would have

00:33:46.340 been amazing yeah yeah the left would be in a weird position where they want to like dig up all that

00:33:53.740 old shit but not do it because he's their guy i promise you the the corn pop story would have been

00:33:59.140 a lot different had you been reading about it when it happened yeah that's right do you think that

00:34:05.700 do you think that slaveholders had good lives

00:34:08.640 probably do you think that their lives were like because because to me it seems kind of like a

00:34:16.060 picturesque existence and i know it sounds really terrible because you owned a bunch of human beings

00:34:21.100 but i'm just saying you live on a plantation it's beautiful very similar to being a landlord

00:34:27.680 in new york city you know you're like nobody wants to see them you're like oh okay they're here

00:34:33.580 to collect they're not very nice they're probably jewish you know what i mean it's like

00:34:36.820 i'm sure it was pretty similar dude i'm not gonna lie though you say that but on the flip side i feel

00:34:42.780 like you'd be every night like they're gonna kill me like there's always that like if they just get a

00:34:50.000 grain of thought like hey if we all group together if these motherfuckers ever learn how to read i am toast

00:34:55.400 yeah i just i just don't see i just don't see how that was productive at all because you had to

00:35:01.240 constantly like be aware of your own self-defense the whole time like basically basically there's

00:35:05.500 like this gang like in my yard like modern day cops so you know the joke is like a black man

00:35:11.600 moves quick i'm like whoa that'd be the same thing for a slaveholder they move a little bit

00:35:14.960 people are saying these guys are all racist but they actually invited all these black people onto

00:35:22.320 their property oh jesus christ what is it my great-grandbrother slaves he treated them well

00:35:29.140 oh that's nice you know what though uh i know this is gonna sound really uh offensive yeah but i mean

00:35:35.280 if you read thad russell's book on like uh you know i was the do you remember you remember his book

00:35:40.240 yeah he actually does go into a little bit and a lot of our conceptions of slavery are pretty fucked up

00:35:46.640 not to say it was like a great thing that happened or anything but the idea that we have of like

00:35:51.200 whip whip get back to work motherfucker like it wasn't exactly like that and there's a little bit

00:35:56.280 more nuanced than we like to look at it into our modern day lens don't be wrong there probably was

00:36:00.440 that as well but a lot of these people you know did i don't know i don't know what i'm gonna jerk

00:36:04.920 off to anymore just had all my fantasies destroyed when it's inter-elf culture is saying his great

00:36:10.740 grandfather had slaves that treated them well i'm pretty sure his great grandfather was santa claus

00:36:15.020 so yeah wasn't one of the founding fathers i believe might have been washington or lincoln

00:36:19.040 they uh they weren't even legally allowed to free their slaves so it was like well known that they

00:36:24.020 actually like basically did treat them as family because a lot of people use you were a slave holder

00:36:28.020 is like to shit on them but he's like i literally couldn't get rid of them like they would immediately

00:36:31.900 go right back to slavery and so they like yeah it was even closer than family they let them drill

00:36:37.020 their wives that's where the whole bull it may laugh that is kind of actually the origin of it

00:36:42.320 yeah that's what happened yeah the uh plantation owners were the og cocks actually

00:36:46.820 yeah in a weird way yeah they were maybe it's actually really interesting when you get into it

00:36:52.040 i remember reading the book and there is like it was like a thing too where like uh you would

00:36:56.260 they would like you know people would have kids with their slaves and then you know they you'd have

00:37:00.200 to wait a generation or two before they were passable as white and you could be like you know what

00:37:03.440 you're basically a white person now like you can operate like white people do you know like

00:37:07.220 and i'm not even saying that like an offensive way that's just like they would almost borderline

00:37:10.820 intentionally do it to be like you gotta kind of breeding your way to freedom

00:37:14.260 breed all the black out of them man you're a product of 10 generations of of rape and now you

00:37:20.440 can be free holy shit ashton said it was thomas jefferson although i think it was like multiple

00:37:29.440 the founders had shit like that because people always try to slam them for being like racist for

00:37:33.660 having slaves but it's like well you gotta think of the context and sometimes some laws and stuff that

00:37:37.720 was going on at the time it's not as simple as just oh you had slaves you're evil

00:37:40.860 well i'm just everson wrote about it he wrote about how he was really like morally torn by it and and

00:37:47.920 i think that he freed them upon his death or something he used to have he used to sit out with a desk and

00:37:52.440 a sign in front of it that said having slaves isn't so bad prove me wrong and come up and debate him

00:37:59.340 dude that would be amazing i could see thad russell doing that that'd be phenomenal who knew

00:38:03.640 steven crowder was the great great grandson of yeah that's where he got the sign idea from

00:38:09.320 this is actually why they got rid of the two dollar bill so can you imagine the fucking riot mob if

00:38:16.320 steven crowder did that oh my god honestly i can't believe we're not running with these ideas like if

00:38:23.780 you want this show to blow up we need to do like go to an all-black college and sit there with a table

00:38:29.900 copies of renegade history on hand like yo you better have your points down though like you

00:38:37.880 better have your talking points ready okay with a lot of anger coming at you too i think it would

00:38:44.580 be great to just lose the debate horribly and then put it up like like like owns black college students

00:38:51.420 and within the first five minutes somebody takes a sign and like breaks it in half and you're like

00:38:55.500 all right but you have to specifically call it like power power gang owns black college students

00:39:03.660 and then the whole the whole idea is we're defending slavery but the owns is a play on words

00:39:09.000 and then we actually ah that's funny oh man god damn it if only i if only i could run faster than them

00:39:16.640 so i could get away it's a goddamn extra bone and and we're unvaccinated so probably the black

00:39:24.600 colleges are the ones that were more likely to be allowed onto campus still so we're talking about

00:39:30.660 slavery right now this is important uh stuff no this is a good question that's a good question

00:39:35.440 chrissy do you think that new york can be saved or is it lost forever it's definitely new york has

00:39:39.680 definitely taken a lot of damage uh if we put it in video game terms like yeah it's gonna take a

00:39:45.080 couple years i think if you've moved away from new york like don't feel any sort of sense of fomo

00:39:49.460 it's gonna take five or ten years i think for it to be back where it was it's definitely like not

00:39:55.580 really a cultural artistic hub anymore like i love seeing the new york city propaganda like in cabs or

00:40:02.960 on the subway it's like broadway's back baby and it's just fucking you get out of the subway everyone's

00:40:07.560 just shooting up in the street and it's like yeah yeah everyone's shooting up in the clinics too to be

00:40:13.800 able to go into the broadway play can you imagine using this argument in this like scenario you

00:40:19.120 presented oh i'm sorry would you like to not have the pyramids yeah would you like to see what your

00:40:25.740 life would be like sans pyramids hey man the pyramids were built by aliens okay aliens who the egyptians

00:40:34.060 enslaved hey one of your simps made it in here i guess but you know i'm all for it keep giving us

00:40:38.760 money hell yeah yay arabian pleb he actually he actually sent me he's the one that sent me the

00:40:46.400 the dope ass australian cowboy hat so he's awesome uh chrissy mayer somehow broke the hot crazy axis

00:40:51.640 anyone familiar knows but chrissy has dropped a gorgeous 10 out of 10 and 0 to 10 crazy i disagree

00:40:56.100 with the 0 to 10 on the crazy funny comedians who cracks me up much love and respect i mean are you

00:41:01.140 gonna say you're a 0 out of 10 on the crazy come on that woman doesn't exist like i don't know i

00:41:05.820 think crazy you don't know how crazy somebody is till you see behaviors i think like unless you base

00:41:10.540 it on like talk and jokes i guess everyone's different but five is like average so you're

00:41:15.540 not even like average crazy what is average crazy i don't know like just the normal person with

00:41:20.460 so you get a perfect upbringing nothing like pinholes in the condom

00:41:23.700 no it's like that's that's i don't understand like how women like the the desire to want to

00:41:32.560 baby trap a man is like so crazy it's like why would why would you want to i don't know but i also

00:41:37.940 have like no kids baby yeah no kids and like never baby you have a motherfucker i was always the opposite

00:41:46.280 i was like i'd always be like oh no i don't want to be connected to anybody for life jesus christ

00:41:50.720 like i watched my parents to have a horrible marriage and i'm like why would i want to like

00:41:55.160 you know have a reason to like i don't know that's just very that was very scary to me no i'm good now

00:42:02.600 i went to therapy i figured some things out so you're not 0 out of 10 you already i mean there's

00:42:07.140 no way i feel like 0 out of 10 is a lot weird i mean like well what's the craziest thing i've done i

00:42:11.840 mean like i think like i think it depends how you average person is five you think it's crazy to like

00:42:18.600 fight for medical freedom and oh no i think it's beautiful but it still doesn't make you like

00:42:24.060 not at all crazy you're like a terrorist i don't think it's a crazy thing to do like i i just think

00:42:31.400 like taking a train to dc is not that crazy you know like well i bought a train ticket and i would

00:42:38.700 say like going somewhere for a long period on a bus is crazy i took a bus from oklahoma city to dallas once

00:42:44.560 that's a little nuts but i want i wanted to save money i was like this i can have all this experience

00:42:49.840 for 10 to 15 dollars like bus people are the best bus people have stories there was a guy on that bus

00:42:55.060 that was like i'm gonna get back my ex-girlfriend and everyone's saying buddy you're not gonna do it

00:42:59.420 on the bus like you gotta bring something a little more yeah see my my therapist says that uh if you if you

00:43:07.980 if you ask if you ever ask yourself if you're crazy that means you're not so the fact that you're

00:43:12.820 considering yourself a zero makes me think that you might i never said that i was a zero i just

00:43:17.660 i don't think that i'm as far as like chicks go i'm not that crazy because it's like i think the

00:43:23.820 crazy comes out and how you handle conflict like if you get in a fight or something and your impulse

00:43:29.400 is to like hurt the person or like manipulate their life into being shittier that's crazy like if i if i

00:43:36.860 i'm like i'm gone like if i get in a fight i'm really mad i'll just fucking disappear like you won't

00:43:41.600 see me or hear from me for days like i'd rather do that and like protect myself than be like oh how

00:43:47.140 do i manipulate this person into liking me again uh or like how do i like fuck with their life you

00:43:52.780 know like that sounds great i'm not gonna like sign you up for like a spam email like a lot of people

00:43:58.680 did that to me after i did kung flu fighting i was like why am i getting all these like asian newsletters

00:44:04.200 stop asian hate man well christy said that she doesn't baby trap men but what she's not telling

00:44:11.380 you is that she likes them to raw dog her and then she just gets an abortion no i've never had one

00:44:15.940 that's how it happens i'm over oh i've never had one pretty pretty cool yeah yeah i'm also not a

00:44:23.420 i'm a murderer congrats i mean i mean if we're counting swallowing then maybe i am a murderer

00:44:30.140 but yeah that's the cool kind of killer though you know for me life begins at digestion so

00:44:40.140 fuck them kids

00:44:42.540 that's a shit baby i want to collect those stimmy checks you know

00:44:48.880 you go along the tooth toad you want to start bringing up our next bit we were supposed to have

00:44:54.200 a nice little graphic but uh top failed us well we do have that but i did want to ask uh also

00:44:59.540 because we had that uh female uh comedian comment in there i wanted to ask chrissy if she can list

00:45:04.540 five female comedians who are actually funny besides herself okay um that's a hard one jessica

00:45:10.540 person is so hilarious and very talented karen feehan if you like roasting and like harsh

00:45:16.960 uh like a like a bitchy funny female she is great for that uh here's where i start to trail off a

00:45:24.360 little bit um no after two she's too bitchy for me i would say who do i adrian iapaluchi is a very

00:45:31.520 funny stand-up comic i think sarah tolemash is a very good joke writer she's a little bit low energy

00:45:38.260 but she's very funny and uh and quirky god who else is really funny and then it's like i also

00:45:43.880 meet so many people that are so funny but it's like they don't they don't their careers are not

00:45:49.240 together and it's like and they're not motivated and or they get too high or they just like can't

00:45:54.220 fucking get it together or like they can't show up on time or they can't keep an appointment so

00:45:58.740 i think that's like a lot of comedians are their own worst enemy or creative people in general it's

00:46:04.300 like so you can't think of five is what you're saying by time by doing that long monologue she

00:46:10.780 also made the last two up she's like nobody's gonna let me think about it i i i literally no one

00:46:19.400 you've said so far i've even ever heard of not just not to take away from your point by the way

00:46:23.000 most of my friends are guys like most of the people i work with are are guys um it's not a

00:46:28.920 coincidence uh let's see let's see who's funny my opener my opener amanda gale is pretty funny

00:46:34.320 yeah yeah you didn't mean that one there you go all right that's four four on the list he was 45

00:46:41.200 minutes late to our last show that's why i still have hard feelings i've literally never heard of

00:46:46.940 any of them and the last one you just stall did you come up with not a good sign for women

00:46:51.480 it doesn't make sense for women to be funny it's like why what do you have to gain from this

00:46:59.920 generally speaking obviously for you a comedian but you think the only reason why men are funny

00:47:04.100 is to get something out of it yes i'm not even necessarily it doesn't mean there's like a thing

00:47:08.220 but there's like it's just from evolutionarily speaking like why would women have to develop

00:47:12.900 you do it as like a performance not because you enjoy it or we get we get a peacock you know

00:47:17.540 right like men in the animal kingdom the males are like the clowns right like this happens with

00:47:22.000 other species too i i would i would disagree i think there are just as many hilarious women but

00:47:28.660 less women pursue stand-up comedy because of how unglamorous and how difficult it is and how

00:47:33.600 it has to be done during your prime dating mating family making years like most people you're gonna

00:47:39.660 start out of college probably or out of high school if you don't go to college and you got to put in at

00:47:44.620 least 10 years to make a dent find your voice you know do the road or whatever it is so that boom

00:47:50.380 that's 10 years that's from like 20 to 25 to like 30 to 35 that's like most women are not down for that

00:47:57.500 they want to they want to have a family they want to like it you know and it's just a huge risk it's

00:48:02.520 like you don't know if it'll it's a huge gamble it's like a 10-year gamble basically and if you're if

00:48:08.040 you're doing the road you don't want to like sleep in a fucking comedy condo with unwashed sheets you

00:48:13.720 don't want to be hanging out with a bunch of alcoholics most nights it's like it's just not

00:48:17.980 like an attractive option for most women yeah it's during the baby making years so yeah yeah and like

00:48:24.220 and like i totally get it uh too i mean most women like are hilarious i mean like hairdressers are

00:48:30.140 fucking hilarious nail people are fucking hilarious um it's just they're not pursuing stand-up um like as

00:48:38.000 a job i will say from my anecdotal experience of my entire life i don't find that to be true

00:48:43.440 but uh you know i'm not saying there aren't funny women i've met plenty of funny women but

00:48:49.500 if i had to like you know quantify it's not very high where are you hanging out but to be fair i've

00:48:55.660 i've been a jock i was in the military like so i had more of a dude's experience so i guess but

00:49:01.260 from the woman i have known uh i mean there are some really funny ones and it is always nice when you

00:49:05.440 have like a really funny female friend but it's like nice because it's rare you're like holy shit

00:49:09.980 yeah most funny women are not hanging out doing men's sports and in the military that's why you

00:49:14.900 haven't encountered a lot of funny women i mean yeah yeah i don't know although i have to say one

00:49:21.100 of the funniest people in my life is my daughter so but i mean that's also because she's mine so i have

00:49:26.960 two daughters i have a 12 year old and a nine year old and you think oh i think a nine year old

00:49:31.940 girl's considered a woman you said funniest woman in my life is my daughter i was expecting 20

00:49:38.080 women in the in the biological sense i mean she's definitely a girl but uh the 12 year olds get into

00:49:44.000 that weird age and i i absolutely fucking despise this 12 year old is a woman yet no i don't think

00:49:48.840 it's a woman either i'm just saying they're a child i don't think they're a woman either but

00:49:52.160 they're in that weird spot where they're starting to be less of a kid and more of like a i don't know

00:49:57.760 a woman i guess and you're like i don't like this like they're in the version she's gonna have her

00:50:01.560 period any moment and i'm like i don't i don't like this this is your mother's problem don't talk

00:50:06.020 to me about this stuff and i guess that's not good but it's still like it freaks me out so

00:50:09.300 so like if it's something that you haven't experienced it freaks you out or you yes that's

00:50:15.180 exactly i don't like change yeah but when she starts sucking dick then you can help her with that

00:50:21.380 the experience jesus christ just joshing you all right we got a we got a super chat and uh

00:50:31.320 crazy litmus test would you read your partner's text message questions for everyone clint the

00:50:36.560 motherfucking man it's never a good idea it's never a good idea the impulse to do that is is coming from

00:50:41.660 a place of mistrust and when you're approaching it from that through that lens you're going to find

00:50:47.980 something to you know i mean you're there's blood in the water you just got to find something to

00:50:52.980 justify this horrible thing you're doing which is going through a phone so i've been married for 10

00:50:58.300 years and i don't have that desire i mean maybe it's because i'm just like comfortable because i'm

00:51:01.680 married for 10 years and i'm not worried about any of that she's more worried about paying bills and

00:51:05.980 working and taking care of kids and whatever the fuck so i don't have that issue to worry about but

00:51:10.620 no i mean i don't know that's just gay if i'm if i'm to the point that i'm that concerned

00:51:15.480 the relationship's over so yeah that's kind of how i feel i mean it also seems like yeah like you

00:51:22.140 said it comes from yeah an area of mistrust but it also seems like kind of a leftist thing to do

00:51:26.660 where you're kind of digging for whatever you can find and then it's like at that point it's like

00:51:30.540 you're just looking for something i think to end the relationship at that point anyway so uh yeah you

00:51:34.900 should be able to like if you're doing that it's because you are so uncomfortable to bring up

00:51:39.500 you know certain concern or like you you'd rather not have the conversation you'd rather be

00:51:44.480 like i caught you you asshole and then be like so that comes from a place of of avoiding conflict

00:51:50.040 yeah or wanting you're making my point for me right now ashton

00:51:54.260 ashton's actually very funny i just haven't seen her stand-up so i i can't yeah i can't vouch for her

00:52:01.720 stand-up abilities i mean i'm obviously chrissy can vouch for i feel like there's probably something

00:52:05.700 way different than being like actually funny and then being a stand-up comedian and being funny

00:52:09.900 like those are different they're two totally different muscles yeah like stand-up is rehearsed

00:52:14.620 and i mean there's a if you're good i think there's a lot of improv in there and crowd work

00:52:20.120 like some of the best stuff just is like the magic in the crowd and it's like taking risks but plenty

00:52:25.040 of stand-ups don't even touch crowd work but yeah it's more of a measured rehearse thing whereas like

00:52:29.600 if you're just funny conversationally like that's a gift and and a lot of stand-ups don't even have

00:52:35.640 that they they can't be like light and quick on their no like i couldn't imagine doing stand-up

00:52:40.100 and i'm not saying i'm even really a funny person that'd be conceited but we've definitely had some

00:52:43.740 funny episodes but all this show is is riffing so like that's yeah there's no way that any of us

00:52:48.700 would stand up you know but you know so it's definitely you're working that muscle we'd be

00:52:53.760 very mediocre at crowd work and shit as comics overall but you know between the four of us or five or six

00:53:00.220 of us or whatever we get up to um yeah it's it's it's fun it's a good it honestly it is it's like

00:53:06.840 that's a good point like we we do have a lot of experience now improv-ing with each other yeah yeah

00:53:12.460 and that's a very like male bonding thing is to like rib on each other that way like that's that's

00:53:17.280 that's how i do it because i have a lot of guy friends and hang out with a lot of guy comics but

00:53:22.060 like women are so different like we would never think to like shit on each other like that way we

00:53:27.700 wouldn't like be like here you're you're fucking lesbian you know like we would never think to

00:53:32.380 well you do it behind each other's back yes i uh i don't understand that i don't i guess maybe i

00:53:38.200 don't have that many female friends but i don't understand like talking behind somebody's back

00:53:42.260 like just i don't know it's weird to me i guess it's a high school thing all right let's roll up

00:53:48.120 let's roll out a bit we're getting we're getting we keep getting on sidetracks and we uh the best thing

00:53:51.820 about about like tight-knit group of guy friends is that you get to say everything that you actually

00:53:58.860 mean but you get to couch into the joke so it just gets accepted eventually but like yeah we we

00:54:06.020 definitely say the most fucked up things to each other so i think it it builds camaraderie women

00:54:10.720 women on the other hand tend to not say it directly and then they just end up hating each other i think

00:54:16.340 that's why it's so hard to have like a really lifelong friendship amongst women because eventually

00:54:21.180 that that back talking ends up building up not you chrissy but i don't know i think that like if

00:54:27.440 women have trouble having lifelong friends it's because um a woman's focus has to shift so much to

00:54:35.540 like find like so much has to go big if i'm gonna find somebody that i'm gonna like trust like

00:54:40.600 reproducing with like that takes a lot of like your heart and mind and focus and then once you have kids

00:54:46.040 as well it's like all my really good girlfriends we never even had a fight but once they found a guy

00:54:51.280 they just pull away they're just like they're just not available to hang out anymore not because of any

00:54:55.760 kind of a falling out or shit talking it's just like priorities like that's yeah it's kind of like

00:55:00.840 oh damn you were only hanging out with me to like find a dude at all these uh happy hours

00:55:05.860 like yeah that's that's what's happening yeah all right toad you ready yeah all right i'll intro the

00:55:13.380 bit this is uh our bit we call fuck or duck and we just present different pictures of people

00:55:17.840 and i mean you can just go as detailed or nauseous you want we just have fun with it and the idea is

00:55:23.340 would you fuck this person would you not uh these are gonna be all dudes i'll tell you that except

00:55:26.600 for one there's one that's not a dude and uh you know you have to guess which yeah you have to guess

00:55:31.400 which but the idea is that's a different game you know say for us if it's a dude obviously we're

00:55:36.200 putting ourselves in the frame of like if we were a woman and so just have fun with it so you can

00:55:39.700 either be a bunch of trans swimmers coming up no i don't know what order toad is doing this in but

00:55:46.660 this should be fun so go ahead well hopefully i got all the people we were supposed to include here

00:55:51.400 but yeah let's do it and yeah we do want you to kind of roast all these people as well honestly roast

00:55:56.040 if you have something nice to say you know all right fine roast or toast toad's leaning into this

00:56:00.800 because he knows we're just going i thought he had a different graphic i would fuck this graphic

00:56:06.300 that was top lobster by the way check it out pick up pick up your shirts like this one at

00:56:11.100 toplobster.com yeah and then i have the scott horton one on so i've got one of his hats yeah

00:56:17.120 all right let's do it all right number one i didn't realize you had a graphic but

00:56:21.840 here we go i mean i okay so i was i was gonna say fuck until i saw the wedding ring and then i'm like

00:56:29.620 oh right this is jay smith well in this scenario you know it's whether there's no there's not that

00:56:34.920 like he's a single guy it's okay the music reaction was fucked so yeah yeah that's an f

00:56:40.640 okay uh i will say it looks a little derpy in this picture but i know who it is uh so

00:56:47.080 you know who it is do you obviously i know who it is i love dave but here's my thing he's a good

00:56:54.000 looking guy uh i will say like as me as a woman people say like there's a rumor he's a huge dick

00:57:00.260 uh like that's the rumor everyone knows anyone watching legion skanks legion skanks that's like

00:57:04.800 they talk about it on legion skanks constantly yeah he mentioned it or somebody else i don't know

00:57:08.220 i don't know where the origin is but that's the rumor and uh and big jay and i don't know you

00:57:15.500 probably advise me i feel like as a woman i mean don't get me wrong you don't want a little dick

00:57:19.220 but i feel like a huge dick like for a long-term relationship would be rough maybe for one night

00:57:23.780 sure uh that sounds like a little dick cope right there jose maybe i don't know i've never had i've

00:57:31.940 never had a girl break up with me going you know i could handle it for the first month but after

00:57:36.260 okay you know what this is i'll go ahead and tell you guys right now it's because i've had issues

00:57:39.660 before where my wife hurts and i'm like it's not i'm not even that big so i'm like what the fuck i

00:57:44.600 can't even imagine if i had a huge dick like and trying to have a long-term sexual relationship

00:57:48.400 how awful that would be figure out what positions are best to do you figure out ones where like

00:57:52.460 i don't know that sounds like too much work i'd rather have like a slightly above average dick

00:58:00.940 you can't do doggy as much you have to do like girl on top because then you can control like how

00:58:05.820 much is going in that's too much work i just want a slightly above average dick and i'm happy with

00:58:10.140 that but most guys are in are in very much the acceptable to great range i think it's because

00:58:15.160 when you start watching porn most guys thinks they're not they're not big enough but most guys

00:58:18.960 are totally great no i've been married for 10 years so i see huge dicks on porn i'm like that

00:58:23.080 looks awful for the woman lewis and jay have both admitted that they have five inch dicks so i i feel

00:58:30.180 like like dave could have like a seven or eight inch dick and they're like enormous i know i will say

00:58:36.520 he looks like he's an aloof lover i don't know why i get that vibe from dave i don't know i don't

00:58:40.480 know i just do so but still yes aloof lover i will fuck dave i don't care what his dick size is

00:58:48.500 because i'm fucking him he's not fucking me so and i will take oh you're in the scenario of a

00:58:53.480 woman where you're gonna strap on dave i will take that no you know what that's the thing is i

00:58:59.360 would be fucking dave i'd be like what the fuck why is it taking you so long to do my podcast huh

00:59:03.540 i've been asking you and asking you what's going on like i was going out here twice i was going to

00:59:08.080 an angry and i'd be like fucking 25 times ourselves yeah i don't get it oh you don't like something in

00:59:16.680 your ass you should have done my podcast the only strange thing is that the height differential is

00:59:21.700 such that just dave and i just standing like facing each other i'm already basically sucking

00:59:26.480 his dick so that's kind of weird pretty hot uh tastes like liberty it's making it hard for me to

00:59:33.500 talk about fucking dave with you having your picture on the screen so if you oh sorry yeah

00:59:37.040 um wait that's me i'm sorry toad i i mean maybe as a woman i might be like he looks like he has his

00:59:43.800 life together so maybe that might be like someone i could you like my christmas my christmas tree

00:59:50.020 very confident you look like you just came over like for a christmas hookup and like this is like

00:59:57.440 a a meetup from like a from tinder and you're like if you're there like because you don't want you

01:00:02.800 can't date someone too close to christmas because then it's awkward you have to go to each other's

01:00:05.940 house for the holidays but this is you showing up december 26th ready to get it in this is this is

01:00:11.740 literally the guy that stands in the corner watching his wife get fucked and this is the face he has

01:00:16.200 i don't know if i was like freshly divorced and like kind of later in the years and just i know

01:00:21.700 my times my clocks are ticking like i could see that like that's a stable dude like yeah maybe i

01:00:26.680 might find him physically attractive hey and clint you're you're actually wrong like dude i'm kind

01:00:33.600 of like a known like i don't know like bull kind of or like i'm a known bull

01:00:38.660 i would say you're an unknown bull you may not be familiar but i'm actually known as a lone wolf

01:00:56.280 in your bio toad known bull i'm a professional bull actually uh yeah i mean i would i would fuck

01:01:04.320 dave as long as long as he's willing to uh recite the entire intro to his show which he can't remember

01:01:10.440 so i don't know if i could get off but i'd be down uh for toad uh no i'm i'm not gonna fuck you toad

01:01:15.960 sorry uh chrissy go ahead this is tough because i know him and you know as a woman unfortunately

01:01:22.620 personality factors in too much so i would lean towards like yeah you know i've

01:01:30.100 i've hooked i've hooked up with like way worse looking dudes a lot of random crazy that's a good

01:01:37.340 one you know what i mean like i've hooked up with worse i've hooked up with way worse for way less

01:01:43.220 you know this is the best backhanded compliment i've ever heard in my life

01:01:47.740 she's nagging me right now i've fucked way uglier chicks i don't have a lot of information here like

01:01:55.140 i haven't stood next to you i don't know what you smell like i don't know what like you know what i

01:01:58.600 mean i don't know what the energy feels like uh so feels like cum there's a lot to be determined

01:02:04.580 that maybe that used to be the case clint but not anymore but you know what i like a man i like a

01:02:14.380 man who dresses up with a little bit of a dressy peacoat you know what i mean that says to me like

01:02:18.840 you care about your appearance like you look like you just showed up to like you know maybe your

01:02:22.780 girlfriend's house for the holidays you're like yeah i wore the fucking peacoat what do you want

01:02:26.160 for me you know this was actually a family event on christmas eve so it was it was very incestuous

01:02:32.900 actually this is why i wore why fuck some dude's wife it for real it for real looks like he's walking

01:02:37.840 in to service someone i swear to god oh my god and as he watches some his wife gets fucked the pom-pom

01:02:44.000 goes from here to you it sinks down all right jose i'm i'm very i'm anxiously awaiting your response

01:02:53.560 on this oh i already said no i'm not fucking that i mean but okay well i gave the caveat that if i'm

01:02:59.800 like a woman who's like later in the years the times the clocks are ticking wait what's later in years

01:03:05.200 i mean i don't know it's subjective i don't know it's it depends on the woman and their life goals i

01:03:09.960 don't fucking know like if her if her biological clock is louder than her capacity to think oh

01:03:17.200 that is that is the orgies man that is the picture of dependable right there that's what that is as a

01:03:23.360 woman in my eyes you see that and you go that dude is like probably got a bunch of money saved up

01:03:28.380 brother you kind of look at my brother that's probably why i don't have a strong reaction

01:03:31.820 why are we all talking about incest now cole's not even here god i enjoy this so much

01:03:40.360 it's not a hard no this is probably a situational yes yeah see that's what i'm saying too 12 shots

01:03:46.520 if i was a chick i would totally have fucked worse so

01:03:49.740 uh no

01:03:52.740 just for the the composition of this photo yeah no it makes sense i agree so much of it is like

01:04:03.440 uh a bulletproof vest and a winter hat yeah it's gay i suppose i don't know i mean knowing the guy

01:04:11.040 personally yes the photo is really fucks it up but knowing the guy if i was a girl i think i think he'd

01:04:17.160 be a good good boyfriend slash fuck or you know whatever like i know he's a nice guy you know

01:04:22.600 i mean he's known to have a magic dick so you know it's like you love your friends yet why aren't

01:04:28.100 they in the picture with you you know it's because it's because my this is a screenshot of one of my

01:04:32.980 girlfriends from back in san diego who posted on instagram and said that oh okay and she asked me

01:04:38.940 to pose for the record i did not want to do this sure i wanted to show her my bulletproof vest and

01:04:44.660 then she wanted me to pose she's like can you pose like you're getting fisted and you and you

01:04:48.860 kind of enjoy it i mean as dudes in relationships though like pretty much all the pictures we have

01:04:53.960 are of like our women took of us so like like the picture you'll see of me is a picture my wife took

01:04:59.440 of me and literally i sent to the group like hey there's like four pictures every single one of us

01:05:03.480 one my wife took for me because i don't take pictures of myself because i don't give a shit

01:05:06.740 yeah guys don't take photos i have i have no photos that are solo like this is like the one

01:05:12.580 it actually kind of looks like clint is taking a shit in this photo who says i'm not well that

01:05:20.680 makes it just even more of a yes man thank you here's a good one we got one yes

01:05:26.860 this is clint's unknown bowl this is actually this is perfect craigslist ad

01:05:34.680 this is why i wear the bulletproof vest because you never know when the guy's going to turn on

01:05:38.880 you yeah that's right it's not a bullproof vest so good one well clint i have to be consistent and

01:05:46.120 i believe on a previous episode i said that i would fuck you but not marry you i believe was that right

01:05:50.600 no no you said you would marry me for the money oh yeah you're right i did say that did i say i

01:05:55.960 wouldn't fuck you am i being honestly clint is good fuck material date material marry material honestly

01:06:00.840 no thank you jose christy's gonna lie i love my homies your honesty clint is grown wait you really

01:06:08.540 think i'm lying that's how out of control your ego is you can't understand someone not saying yes

01:06:13.900 immediately you're fucking wrong no it's not it's not that it's not that you you had to say yes it's

01:06:18.820 that you instantly said no which makes me feel like you don't be insulting my boy i was very turned

01:06:25.060 off by the the composition of the photo because it says a lot it says i'm buff but i'm fun and quirky

01:06:32.160 that's what it says no it says i want you to think i'm buff fun and quirky no it says i don't take

01:06:37.580 myself seriously yeah okay i don't know i think it's cute god damn it thank you the emojis are questionable

01:06:45.700 man it's kind of uh yeah the emojis are a little it has touched too much it's a very do it it's a

01:06:50.880 feminine quality you can thank my friend elise i'll shut her out since she constantly asked me

01:06:57.320 to shut her out elise took that photo all right i just wanted to show her the bulletproof vest and

01:07:00.920 she was like hey we need to do a photo shoot and i was like okay and i assume there's nothing under

01:07:07.600 that bulletproof vest other than no yeah of course not no other than your body i was i was going for

01:07:17.200 my best 50 cent impersonation yeah 50 you're a little shade you can't rap as well as he can so

01:07:24.780 no i can't i don't know i mean fuck uh like but he seems like he'd be a great boyfriend husband

01:07:32.580 cheerio jay he's just like a big sweet teddy bear like i don't know and he'd just be fun and like but

01:07:37.820 not like mean i was hoping that these were all gonna be people i didn't know they're all people you

01:07:44.560 do now these are all people i know yeah i don't know him personally i just know he gives me a big

01:07:52.040 teddy bear vibe and he just seems like he'd be a fun guy to be around i think he's one of the funniest

01:07:55.900 people on the planet and for that reason alone i would fuck him but i don't want to no i mean it's

01:08:00.980 a woman though like i could that would be a great relationship as a woman i think personally but that's

01:08:04.520 just me maybe he's an asshole i know i've listened to the legion of skanks for too many years to like

01:08:08.640 actually want to fuck him because he talks about how tiny his dick is and he talks about being a

01:08:14.260 philanderer and and i just i can't philanderer yeah what do you mean don't use your college words on

01:08:20.040 this uh like cheat cheats a lot oh okay well that changes things he looked like a loyal tubby you

01:08:26.680 know like because he'd be like you know i'm you know i'm slumming for you he's done a lot of three

01:08:30.980 ways exactly if i'm gonna fuck a dude i want him to be loyal you know yeah you you can be a uh

01:08:36.960 philanthropic philanderer all right because it's one of those things like if you're a chick you're

01:08:41.060 like i'm slumming a little bit but like you seem like a sweetie the thing is like you're funny but

01:08:45.740 that fucks it all up he's tall which is good he never if he dressed like this all the time that

01:08:50.880 would be like so many yeses so many more yeses in his direction but he doesn't he wears like a hoodie

01:08:55.580 and fingerless gloves which is like weird uh weird style again he looks like my brother in the face

01:09:02.200 like if i'm pretending i don't know him he looks like the kind of guy that like loves to go down

01:09:06.920 on a woman like has his mail forwarded down to a woman's cooch like that's how much he looks like

01:09:12.480 he loves it um why why does your brother is your brother like known to be uh go downtown type no no

01:09:20.540 no those are two separate thoughts like okay okay in the face he looks like my brother period next

01:09:25.180 sentence okay i actually know my my sister-in-law told me that like my brother never goes down on her

01:09:34.360 and i was like please stop it like i don't i can't hear any more of this so and i was like it

01:09:38.820 made total sense because my you know i mean like uh brother's kind of like a lazy dude so it makes

01:09:45.380 sense um what a weird way to think of your brother uh anyway the point is he's tall which is good

01:09:52.280 he doesn't dress well which for me is a negative um but yeah being funny definitely helps and i think

01:09:59.480 he would be like very again if i didn't know him he'd be like very complimentary and like charming

01:10:03.480 and funny and that's how he would get in um yeah being tall probably probably helps him out

01:10:08.620 he gets a hell of a lot of women so he's got to be doing something right he does i mean he's called

01:10:14.200 he's got a girlfriend oh never mind i know but like he's i mean the way they talk about it it's

01:10:19.400 like he just has threesome after threesome so he's well he asks everything he asks a lot he asked me if i

01:10:25.720 wanted to do one yeah okay if he's asking everybody then yeah maybe that's not is that

01:10:31.260 is that what you mean when you say philander or clint you're saying he has no no no he's legit

01:10:35.240 known for cheating because that changes the math for me it's it's both he has lots of threesomes

01:10:39.860 with his girlfriends but then he's also admitted that when he was on the road a lot he would cheat

01:10:44.500 on his girlfriend's yeah oh well it's on the road that's different you know

01:10:48.320 i don't know the cheating thing would probably throw off the math for me like i was already

01:10:55.460 on the road it's a permanent hall pass man everybody knows that toad so what's your answer

01:11:00.040 here no because he's a smoker yeah yeah actually i'm with toad that smoking is a big no-no that's

01:11:08.020 actually a legit thing even now like even when i've i've dipped in like vapes for like a long time

01:11:13.740 and been off and on and stuff but even then cigarettes are just gross so as a chick it's so hard

01:11:19.080 it's so hard to like separate what you know about a person like if i saw him no cigarette i'd be like

01:11:23.640 oh maybe but it's like you can't i can't not know about like the cheating stuff and the you know

01:11:29.140 so i kissed a girl at a bar at a bar a couple years ago and she had been a cigarette smoker and i i

01:11:35.800 hadn't kissed someone that smoked in since i was like in high school it is horrific it is so so bad

01:11:42.220 so yeah well yeah sorry jay i love you jay if you come on tower gang i will fuck you but otherwise

01:11:47.180 one of the funniest comics one of the best in the game so funny if you weren't a dirty cheater i

01:11:53.080 would have fuck you so you know just if you watch this but that's bridge too far well he's he's a

01:11:58.640 smoker and he's huge so i think it would be like sticking my dick in a chimney or something why do

01:12:03.760 you keep thinking that the concept here is if you were a chick why do you keep wanting to fuck these

01:12:07.560 dudes no i have to assume the dominant position man but even if he's a chick he still has this brain

01:12:15.520 all right all right here's cole this is this is fat dave fat dave i don't know this is like a week or

01:12:22.900 two boyfriend is all i can see yeah you know like not my style not my style i need facial hair i need

01:12:30.060 body hair i need bulk i need shoulders like he he just looks like oh you need facial hair and shoulders

01:12:36.460 instant no i'll never forgive you uh cole cole is i mean other than the fact that in all of his

01:12:45.380 i mean he does look sweet here but he looks sweet as in like like you go oh like that type of sweet

01:12:52.380 where you're like because he comes in he looks like a tutor you know he looks like somebody i would

01:12:57.540 oh no no no no no he's he's the guy that needs a tutor he's the guy that walks in and everyone goes

01:13:03.400 like oh he's so nice you know he's like all they ever say is nice nice things because he's so stupid

01:13:08.060 he looks like he's about to cry because his grandfather just died so i will stay though with

01:13:13.840 this picture like it doesn't do him justice i've met him in person and like knowing him and seeing

01:13:19.300 a picture no homo if i was a chick like cole is a great dude like i know he's like younger yeah

01:13:27.440 he's younger so he's a little bit crazy but he's definitely like probably the dependable guy of

01:13:31.540 like whatever pack he runs with as a younger guy i i would totally fuck him as a chick this picture

01:13:37.860 does not do him justice he has the same problem you disagree i agree i agree with everything else

01:13:43.760 he's a thick boy i agree with everything else you said about him other than that he looks better in

01:13:48.200 person he does in this photo i think this is a great photo of him well he looks better in this

01:13:51.760 photo in the context of like a 19 year old good looking dude which is like i don't know that's just

01:13:57.720 like who wants that i could snap him in two in this photo yeah if he's if he's 17 in this photo

01:14:02.680 i'd fuck him if he's 19 i'm not interested in the polo team here whereas in real life that's not him

01:14:08.340 you know he's a little bit he's like he's someone who used to be captain of the polo team now but

01:14:12.720 and then beefed up a little bit in this he looks like he's on the cheerleading team but

01:14:17.840 it's also kind of it's also kind of weird because he's actually bulkier than this now but in this

01:14:22.380 picture he looks like a dyke oh yeah it looks like he plays for the women's olympic soccer team

01:14:28.900 no i i mean when i say thick boy though i mean it in the best possible way like if i was a chick

01:14:34.260 i would feel safe with cole he's a thick boy he's dirty he looks like you fuck someone up if it

01:14:38.540 needs to but not in like an overly like he's trying to overcompensate for something kind of

01:14:42.880 thing you know but yeah i don't know cole's a great guy i love cole yeah make it happen cole

01:14:48.140 good one yes i'd fuck you cole i'm still a yes on this again not a hard note it would it's like an

01:14:57.360 immediate okay not my not my favorite uh it would this would come down to personality and sense of

01:15:04.160 humor and i guess income and height he's not tall he's not like seven probably he has the rest of

01:15:12.380 those as long as you're taller than me that's all that matters i'm i'm like five three so oh i don't need a

01:15:17.540 lot and i i'm a hard yes for anybody that's in tower gang so a very hard yes same okay i don't know

01:15:29.280 this person is that a cat in his pocket yes that's amazing it's a pussy pocket i like the tattoos i like

01:15:38.460 the arms i like the facial hair yeah i would say yes hell yeah that's me

01:15:44.920 i feel like i got tricked that's me damn that was an honest reaction weird as shit that you

01:15:56.540 couldn't recognize yeah it was like literally all of you and i was like well i guess this is a new

01:16:01.760 person i'm a chonky boy dude your hair you like that all the time yeah i don't know my hair goes

01:16:10.040 through phases i'll bring it back i've been too lazy to like do it up all nice lately but you know

01:16:14.820 so jose does have the bulk even though he is short yeah yeah that may factor into you don't know how

01:16:22.140 tall i am i'm like five six so that works yeah you don't look short in this photo that's what i would

01:16:29.040 i would i would rather go hunting with him but i would

01:16:32.220 oh yeah but yeah i mean i'm a yes

01:16:39.640 obviously i'm surprised no one took an easy slam of the cat in the bag but i feel like the contrast

01:16:49.320 of like the manly backdrop and the attire like makes it so it's like impervious like

01:16:55.080 you just came down like you could have been crawling up a tree to get that cat like we don't

01:17:00.800 know the story there right it looks like you're just out in the woods and the cat just kind of went

01:17:04.880 to you yes so you saved the cat yeah and maybe the cat is wounded and uh yeah it's like this should

01:17:12.320 be the cover of like agorist monthly my wife literally took a picture like you look so fucking

01:17:18.780 hot right now let me take a picture it should be an entire calendar oh i didn't even see the

01:17:24.800 wedding ring okay that would have factored in the whole idea is we're ignoring those type of

01:17:30.420 things it fucks up the whole thing oh so like men yeah exactly okay yeah i don't like i said when

01:17:36.460 you're on the road it doesn't count just kidding i've been faithful i've been married my wife for 10

01:17:40.800 years i love her she's great but no she is fucking awesome i love my wife but let's go let's go all

01:17:51.440 right let's do it oh god that's not we're in a part of the problem shirt gotta respect that that's

01:18:01.160 true i mean i'd fuck lewis i mean as a chick you know i feel like he's a solid like fuck maybe like

01:18:09.020 a short-term boyfriend you know i'd fuck him but i'd rather fight him as a chick

01:18:14.520 no i don't have to i don't have to choose that's a good point um but yeah no i would really like to

01:18:22.920 fight lewis because like i've seen him fight and he's trained a lot he's trained like pretty

01:18:28.320 consistently for the past two years and i just don't like his stand-up i don't like it at all and

01:18:33.480 i really want to test myself you guys hear that he called you out called you out everyone go share

01:18:37.840 this i know i honestly like i because i've never trained jujitsu i feel like he'd fucking demolish

01:18:44.720 me on the ground but i have to be stronger than him and i'm taller so and i definitely could fucking

01:18:51.580 piece him up with the fist so i don't know i don't know it would be a good fight yeah we didn't

01:18:57.300 argue in the group chat about this the other day because someone said to me like i don't know how

01:19:01.040 that it started but they're like lewis would wreck you and i was like no like i mean i'm not saying

01:19:06.160 i'd win or even that i would lose i just but he wouldn't make me look foolish by any goddamn means

01:19:11.400 i said sorry you're a bitch

01:19:13.000 that was cool i think yeah i think it was me

01:19:19.200 it might have been you like speak for yourself pussy

01:19:22.040 if you've seen him fight it ain't that impressive i'm just saying lewis i love you buddy i do but

01:19:28.300 you've been ducking me after saying you come on liberty lockdown for like four months so now i

01:19:32.060 gotta shoot my shot i gotta piss you off you up i gotta piss you off so you can come on maybe he's

01:19:38.140 busy i know he's busy i'm just fucking around busy training mma and i'm challenging him to a fight

01:19:44.600 this is not intelligent of me i'm gonna have to say yes on this one but for the reason that in fucker

01:19:51.100 duck you have to take like the person you think is the most dominant and make them your bitch so i'm

01:19:55.840 gonna do that to lewis okay okay i like it it's not gonna be a winning strategy for you but

01:20:02.320 jose go ahead he might be oh i said i'd fuck him i said he's a good he's a solid fuck and probably

01:20:08.740 maybe like a short-term boyfriend you know that'd be it's if i was a chick you know he's like he's

01:20:13.000 like the definition of a short-term boyfriend because he's puerto rican so obviously you're not

01:20:17.180 gonna marry him yeah you don't bring him to family he's obviously not gonna take care of his

01:20:21.180 kids even though he's a great father uh he's a great dad i'm just fucking around i think he's

01:20:29.360 hilarious i i completely um like idolize his business acumen especially as someone who doesn't

01:20:36.340 have any professional training for it i'm blown away like genuinely deeply blown away that that he

01:20:42.640 has created gas digital from thin air and made it into such a fucking serious entity and i i can't help

01:20:49.400 but respect the hustle so yeah lewis i would fuck you there is something dope when you see somebody

01:20:54.140 with like a ghetto hustle that makes it big you're like that's fucking pretty dope like you took these

01:20:58.280 rules you learned on the fucking streets and made it fucking happen like i don't know there's so cool

01:21:02.040 about that i love it wait did chrissy answer is she fucking oh shit no we didn't we didn't answer

01:21:08.960 oh shit again yeah i very much respect the hustle he's and it's hard for me to like pretend i don't

01:21:14.400 know him he's a great guy he i think he does right by people he's a really hard worker i think he's

01:21:20.100 funny and like a really good dude um but like just on looks alone like i'm gonna say no it would

01:21:28.900 have to be come down to situational oh man i think it's attractive dude but you clearly have a type

01:21:33.840 that picture didn't do him justice though but no these are not good pictures no i well yeah i had

01:21:38.140 kind of a mix of uh the pictures this is the best picture though i thought christian was an

01:21:41.620 immediate no on lewis though so whoops my dick's already hard good is a raw masculine sexuality of

01:21:48.360 like i don't know like i can't he's not like what the conventional attractive but something about him

01:21:53.500 just exudes manliness i don't know it's like that looks like like you see that homeless guy and

01:21:59.080 you're like i want to fuck that dude

01:22:00.480 i've never had that thought that's awesome

01:22:06.300 i usually want to remove them from whatever whatever like location i don't know why i don't

01:22:13.600 know why guys that don't have like you have to have a great body to take a photo like this it's like if

01:22:19.300 you don't have a great body just focus on your face your shoulders you enclose you know what i mean

01:22:25.400 like i don't i just don't understand like i mean if you were gonna put this on your dating profile i

01:22:29.660 just wouldn't i wouldn't choose this as to be like this is who i am world um i don't know i don't

01:22:36.400 mean to come off maybe i'm just the tevas are sending me back to the early 90s i don't know i

01:22:41.020 just see this and i see like as a woman be like come with me and we'll go into the woods and make a

01:22:45.220 family and fucking survive off my fucking wilderness skills okay i'm in i think this is this is just

01:22:51.640 chrissy's new york background because a chicken fucking arkansas would see this photo and be like

01:22:56.900 pouring really no i need i need either more chest or i either need more muscles or more body hair

01:23:05.560 because this is offering me neither i don't know i just see that i see like a functional body like

01:23:10.440 that dude it gets that dude can fucking like fix my car like you know i mean like that dude's

01:23:17.600 and i can barely see his face i don't like that i can't really see his face zoom in dude zoom you

01:23:23.260 know can i zoom it i don't know if i don't fucking know i assume this is like an ncis show

01:23:27.580 you're supposed to just fucking do it okay you're a tech guy i don't think you can do it in the

01:23:31.600 middle of a powerpoint i love that he's a computer programmer and he's like zoom zoom how do you do

01:23:36.600 that enhance enhance uh i could potentially do it afterwards maybe i would i would obviously fuck

01:23:43.660 reed again this is a maybe okay that's fair i would like him to work on his shoulders a little

01:23:49.460 bit i'm feeling as if they're not a thick boy enough for me um jose is really kind of the total

01:23:55.580 package it's amazing given that i i love reed with all of my heart and i have ejaculated him hundreds

01:24:01.400 of times but uh jose is more of a stereotypical guy if you were a chick i'm your ideal dude that's

01:24:11.240 i am blushing there's nothing gay about it because i know the type of girls that i would

01:24:17.220 like to be with so it's not weird to be like oh yeah i know what i would like if i was a christy

01:24:21.320 how do you feel about ashton you mean like if i would or wouldn't yeah yeah i would yeah

01:24:28.740 what's weird is that reed is like soaking wet in this picture and his hair just looks like it always

01:24:37.360 does i think it's because he gets out of the shower like he gets out of the truck gets in the

01:24:43.160 shower gets on mic like i think every time that's why his hair always looks wet i could be totally

01:24:47.180 he looks like he likes to go kayaking yes and i am a yes obviously because i've already slept with

01:24:54.160 reed so cool sorry sorry clint no it's okay dude we can share i don't own him that's true except for

01:25:02.920 in the bedroom there's enough reed to go around indeed that's that's why he's a truck driver

01:25:11.340 it's his cover for being that's right the biggest gigolo oh look at the puppy now this uh this is top

01:25:19.560 lobster by the way all of our artwork yeah top lobster and reed are probably my ideal dudes

01:25:26.800 he looks like he can dance he looks like he can build that's racist he can build

01:25:32.700 it feels like he can wash dishes really rapidly it looks like he can fix my roof

01:25:39.720 this guy's definitely a worker i feel like he would do manual labor for minimum wage or less

01:25:45.440 he'd still fuck me even if i got really fat

01:25:48.180 he'd be there for his kids

01:25:53.680 jesus christ you can tell he has style he cares about his appearance just from his haircut alone

01:25:59.740 like the attention to detail there um he's like yeah latino so he's a little bit of a smooth boy

01:26:05.680 not a ton of body hair but it works because he can back it up with upper body uh i would say yes and

01:26:12.140 it's an absolute yes because of the dog so hell yeah i've met him in person and he is a sweet piece

01:26:17.960 of meat i'll give him that well all right he's like really jacked in this picture i think i think

01:26:23.380 was back when he was training more because he's not as jacked now he's still a thick boy and like

01:26:28.360 the like like cole is like thick and like the ass and the legs so he's like sturdy top is like thick

01:26:35.280 all over like he's like dude this guy this is the guy who can fuck some people up like yeah he's a

01:26:40.840 he's got to be light though he looks like he's like 160 pounds i don't know man i think he's like

01:26:45.740 met him in person i feel like he's like 185 really wow yeah i personally i met him in person

01:26:50.640 too with you i don't know man i i feel like i don't know maybe maybe we're wrong i know we'll

01:26:55.260 ask him later maybe you hugged him a little deeper than i did i don't know i gotta i got up in there

01:26:59.640 i'm like dude you're fucking solid dog uh yeah i would definitely fucked up just to try and convince

01:27:04.880 him that like the libertarian party is the way to go um because he hates it so much i know i i would

01:27:10.300 mad i fucking pulled him to my side yeah i'm not mad it's it's hilarious honestly because he does

01:27:15.300 all the artwork for all the libertarian people so uh trash is on yeah it's great i think i think

01:27:21.980 that i would i mean it's a given that i would fuck him he's he's raw sexual appeal after i would be

01:27:27.900 done with him he'd be bottom lobster now i'm i'm gonna definitely have to be a yes because i think

01:27:34.920 i hugged him deeper than any of you did so deep that our penis is touched

01:27:38.420 ew i'm gonna be a yes yes who was it that did the the foreskin water balloon cum

01:27:48.540 reference was that top

01:27:50.380 oh i think top but it was like toad who started it i think i don't know god that was such a weird

01:27:56.220 thing i talked about taking the foreskin and wrapping the dick with it and turning it into a

01:28:01.060 condom that i think that's what it was yeah i still think about that almost every day

01:28:04.940 clever it's it's one of the weirdest things i miss it

01:28:10.380 or you pull it out a lot and then and then it's floor skin because it touches the floor

01:28:17.100 dude i i've said on the show before i got circumcised when i was like i don't know probably

01:28:22.740 like nine ten ten or some shit like that like so there's like it's worse that i have memories

01:28:28.240 of it and i'm like dude like i could have jumped rope i could all sorts of stuff it's like you

01:28:32.920 know why'd they wait and why'd they do it i don't i don't know it was weird i don't know what the

01:28:38.160 fuck my parents were weirdly religious but they weren't very much when i was younger and then when

01:28:41.660 i got older and i was a bedwetter and like i don't know i don't think the science was very much

01:28:46.160 in at that time and they were like oh i've heard this helps with it and like where'd you get that

01:28:49.980 reference the old testament they're like we're gonna we're gonna mangle this kid because he

01:28:54.260 wets the bed sometimes like that'll be a pee would keep getting stuck in your foreskin you know when

01:29:01.940 you like um when you need to decide what to do when you have a yellow light and you don't just run

01:29:06.920 through it or you don't like completely stop but you like kind of stop and then decide to still go

01:29:11.180 through it that's what my parents did uh when they circumcised me when i was three oh how many more

01:29:17.540 do we have to because i do want to be respectful i'm not how much time she has one or two okay hit

01:29:22.640 it hit it hit it hit it oh my god it's me what happened i don't know man i could probably think

01:29:35.100 of a situation but it's a it's a it's a very specific situation i'm gonna go to the gym tomorrow

01:29:41.220 morning that's what's gonna in fact i'm gonna be there all day that's a solid end of the night

01:29:48.980 you're fucking plastered you're like i don't even then you're like i don't know yeah this is like this

01:29:55.820 person should not be in this outfit like she should be she should have like a tasteful v-neck

01:30:01.260 she should you know just be a great conversationalist this girl has to be funny because there's no way

01:30:07.840 i guarantee you this girl is a phenomenal lay a phenomenal oh she will give you i'm not joking

01:30:15.100 the blowjob of your lifetime to make up for for just how she was raised how you know she was kind

01:30:23.000 of a late bloomer she was approved for a long time but then really hit her stride and like i'm telling

01:30:28.120 you a life-changing blowjob i've never got a blowjob from a grandma but i'm i'm considering it with this

01:30:34.780 photo i uh i like how yeah asking christy this question is asking would you masturbate basically

01:30:43.340 i'm gonna be a i'm gonna be a yes but i'm gonna put on the the beer goggles oh thank god

01:30:49.420 even that's even that's not that much better oh that's a lot better

01:30:53.680 i don't know don't don't deprecate yourself i will say i actually listened to your recent episode on

01:30:59.100 keith knight show and you were like kind of i know you brought up something like you were talking

01:31:02.640 about like making fun of other people's appearance you're like well i don't know if i'm not really

01:31:05.220 quite there i'm not really trying to like fillet you here but like i like thick broads and i'm not

01:31:11.320 saying you're like thick in like a fat way no i like it i like acid titties and like as long as the

01:31:16.700 hourglass is maintained the bigger you can get while maintaining the hourglass like more props to you

01:31:21.380 that's that's like a lot of men as long as you're like it's still proportional yeah um it's it's all good

01:31:27.840 yeah i don't know i know uh clint here and then i know reed who's not here they like twigs

01:31:32.920 but you know ashton's kind of the exception for him uh you know i think he's starting to get to

01:31:37.440 the point where he's starting to think about breeding because like that hourglass is like

01:31:40.640 that shit's breedable like dude fuck yeah yeah the babies just fall out of you when you have big hips

01:31:46.280 you guys are uh are like in opposition to like biological imperative here i think like a man should

01:31:53.640 want a woman like a woman with some hips you know like she needs to be child i don't even necessarily

01:31:58.020 like washboard abs like personally like and like like don't worry i don't want to be tricked to be

01:32:02.160 fat but i don't mind if there's a little a little bit like i don't even necessarily want definition

01:32:06.580 there but like not like fat like but as long as you have like hourglass like hell yeah i'm all for

01:32:11.120 it let's go anytime a guy or girl if your body is like too perfect it's like i look at that and i go

01:32:16.080 okay the lifestyle that that is behind that is gonna be something that's gonna be a pain in the ass like

01:32:21.760 like i can't fuck a guy who doesn't eat bread i can't fuck a guy who like won't have a beer once

01:32:27.180 in a while like that's just like if you look at somebody like oh your body is so good that i know

01:32:31.360 you're not gonna be any fun it kind of ruins it ashton is like that's right like the the apex of

01:32:38.720 breedable she is her body is insane so she's put on like 10 pounds she'd be right there where i'm at

01:32:45.660 you know she i believe she is she commented earlier so hopefully she's hearing this you are very

01:32:50.880 breedable ashton go whisper it into her ear she's she's getting back on uh put a baby in you

01:32:59.060 i i'm more with jose on this and i do like uh women who are shorter than i am as well which kind of

01:33:05.700 limits the field as well i'm gonna be a yes oh thanks wow wrong yes yeah so i mean already seeing

01:33:12.120 as ashton is listening uh it's a hard no i'm sorry christian but uh to have the to have the audacity

01:33:18.280 to take a photo like this it just just says a lot you know it's like who who takes pictures

01:33:23.720 like this you know it's for the armpit fetishists out there i mean well well me as a as a uh as a

01:33:29.780 happily married man who loves his wife who who isn't jealous at all in any way shape and form

01:33:34.220 because we have a healthy relationship i'm all for it you know and who poses like this constantly

01:33:38.600 all the time that's right this is this is his pose so yeah yeah that's right that is the jose pose i

01:33:48.380 don't know what happened i used to do this a lot but then you guys made me self-conscious i like it

01:33:52.220 work do it i used to do because i used to do this a lot because it's just comfortable it's like a

01:33:56.320 stretch and everyone like gave me shit for it so no we weren't giving you shit i love it dude well

01:34:00.520 i don't know if i just like sub i didn't ever like consciously be like stop but i stopped over time i

01:34:06.520 don't know what maybe it's just subconsciously you guys get fucked with me and every now and

01:34:09.860 then people are like jose's pits and i'm like okay i'm i'll do my whore thing for you that's a whore

01:34:16.880 pose i don't know it's weird when they're like asking for it you're like you know what it is you

01:34:22.020 know what it is it's all like it's part of the subliminal like man woman body language anytime

01:34:26.040 a woman like shows her neck or like this it's like you're showing oh my god i'm sweating you're

01:34:31.340 showing like you're showing like you're vulnerable like someone could bite you and kill you like

01:34:37.000 you're showing showing like you're vulnerable parts it's like a dog showing you its belly it's like

01:34:41.560 it's a it's like non-rebel communication like i'm vulnerable come attack me you know i want i want to

01:34:48.520 fucking take advantage of that vulnerability and fucking put my face in them pits uh christy christy if

01:34:54.300 you could if you could tell us uh how people can follow you i'd appreciate it catch me at the

01:35:00.400 at the store tomorrow buying deodorant um

01:35:03.400 no you can't use that because that gives you cancer oh shit you gotta do um i'm obviously the

01:35:12.100 shit that i'm using that doesn't work but it doesn't give you cancer cancer holy shit yeah

01:35:17.120 there's aluminum in antiperspirant which is a carcinogen but you all knew that um yes check

01:35:24.500 out the christy mayer podcast on itunes youtube spotify soundcloud actually tomorrow i am hosting

01:35:30.080 for the anthony cumia show on compound media so you can watch me there 4 to 6 p.m i think josh denny

01:35:37.880 is uh zooming in also dean will be a guest i think jim norton is gonna come by incredible

01:35:43.860 and then i'm gonna be doing stand-up at the at uh with comedians of the compound in levital long

01:35:51.260 island february 26 i'll be at the wormhole in savannah georgia march 19th side splitters in tampa

01:35:58.180 florida march 20th and yeah i just recorded an album it's probably gonna be called live from

01:36:04.500 january 6th it'll probably come out sometime next month um yeah i don't have details for that yet

01:36:10.780 but yeah this is fun for those that uh have listened to us talk shit about female comics and i stand by

01:36:17.400 that most female comics are dog shit christy's actually very good and and i really hope you

01:36:21.480 guys go out and see her live she is well worth it and and i'm saying this all despite the fact that

01:36:25.880 she knee-jerk will not fuck me so that means i really mean it well i had to say that because i'm

01:36:31.120 friends with ashton that's fair that's fair it's also like i can't it's like it's weird like if it's

01:36:37.620 a friend of like a a guy that a friend of mine has been with it's like a permanent no

01:36:42.360 oh that's okay yeah i i that's actually very respectable of you and stunning in a way uh i'm

01:36:48.800 going to uh instead of doing my plugs i'm just going to tell you guys go to top lobster.com

01:36:54.160 pick up shirts like this pick up shirts for liberty lockdown oh i ended up plugging myself pick up

01:36:59.080 beanies pick up fucking no way jose merch pick up natural scapulist merch pick up break the cycle

01:37:03.780 merch pick it up go ahead toad do it all yeah uh anarcho toad on twitter obviously tower power hour and as

01:37:11.880 usual we have no idea what our show is going to be next week so perfect yeah and and uh no way jose

01:37:17.640 that's my show uh fucking you can follow me uh on twitter at 2020 no way jose i believe uh my

01:37:24.500 obviously my shit's on youtube uh all the major podcasters odyssey all that shit i think i have my

01:37:29.380 uh episode i just did with keith knight on the john hasness chapter of the anarchist handbook

01:37:34.040 dropping uh tomorrow i believe and uh yeah i and then next week my i'll be it'll be dropping i

01:37:41.520 finished my uh live reading series of agris primer if you want to go through all that so you

01:37:45.440 don't actually have to read like fucking rubes you can just listen to me talk about it um and

01:37:50.160 yeah that's all i got um but let me let me make one last note i did an episode that's almost

01:37:54.700 exclusively about uh my analysis of the financial situation we're in right now i get dms asking me

01:38:01.560 for this update constantly so fucking go listen to that episode because it dropped today and it gives

01:38:08.640 you a lot of a lot of answers very valuable information that will help you guys guide you

01:38:12.700 through the fucking rocky seas that we have in front of us thank you so much for coming on why

01:38:17.080 don't you have a podcast called when there's a jose there's a way i feel like it's a bit of a reach

01:38:23.240 uh no way jose is a little more brief a little more catchy you know uh get the the rhyming factor

01:38:28.120 it's brevity i don't know i like it but it's uh it's just i don't know it's not it's not good for

01:38:32.800 billing purposes for promotion i don't know something there maybe like a title i could use that for a title

01:38:37.360 that's good you could start a different podcast with will fight and call it where there's a will

01:38:41.660 there's a jose thank you that's great i'll pass that's so good that's so good all right thank you

01:38:50.460 guys for tuning in uh make sure you like comment share subscribe and we'll catch you next week

01:38:56.020 love you bye-bye thanks chrissy

Tower Gang - January 28, 2022

Ep 54 - Professional Bull w⧸ Chrissie Mayr

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