Ep 54 - Professional Bull w⧸ Chrissie Mayr
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 38 minutes
Words per minute
201.2548
Harmful content
Misogyny
111
sentences flagged
Toxicity
457
sentences flagged
Hate speech
233
sentences flagged
Summary
In this episode of the short staff short staff version of Tower Power Hour, we have a special guest on the show, the woman who was supposed to be the body double for Jon Saki, but was too attractive for the job.
Transcript
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up retards the funniest 9-11 jokes were written on 9-12 women jerk off dicks like fucking they're
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an unruly ferret yeah you ever had a 9-11 cocktail it's in manhattan with two kamikazes
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you see the socialists don't have an accurate answer for this and she needs to account for it
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white women must be stopped that's right what we can stay horny and retarded longer than she
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can stay sane what your ass ass to penis ratio maybe you could say we had sex but we didn't
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fuck oh jesus fat dave fuck you man welcome everybody to to a short staff short staff
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version of tower power hour we have as always jose of no way jose was it got this one we got
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anarcho toad myself clint russell from liberty lockdown and the woman who was actually
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scheduled to be the body double for jen saki but was too attractive and they fired her chrissy
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mayor yeah yes i came down with some very rare myocarditis and uh they said i wouldn't get it
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but i got it well you're gonna start with myocarditis talking get us nuked right away
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no i actually was i was going oh my god tower gang and then i saw the the picture of the twin
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towers i'm like is that why you guys named your podcast that's great it didn't flag it to you when
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you're like it starts at 9 11 actually i don't know if anyone said that is so smart that's so and i was
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like yeah there are a lot of 9 11 jokes in this opening video i love it that that manhattan with the
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kamikaze drink that's so funny that's great it's a great joke oh yeah it's only joke order one at
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the bar and see what happens i feel like i feel like 20 years deep we're not exactly cutting new
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territory here but um i feel like it's also still taboo enough that it there's some humor to it so
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it's kind of that good gray area i enjoy when anyone makes a cocktail out of a out of a semi like
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well-known tragedy like what was the kyle rittenhouse drink it was like two shots and then
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i don't know i forget what it was but it was so funny it was um fuck was it four shots three shots
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it was three shots and then something else it was great i don't remember that one i thought
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something it had to do with a chaser i thought yes yeah yeah yeah kyle rittenhouse drink i'm looking
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it up three three chasers and three shots sounds pretty good to me yeah just actually a distillery
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with a drink named rittenhouse uh the head of rittenhouse rye yeah and no i'll come back when i
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have it when i find it well when you guys told me we're gonna have this mayor chick on tonight's
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episode i thought you meant liberty thought wait what it's it's meyer right mayor
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meyer meyer god damn it god damn it how dare you doubt my professionalism okay it's um it's a
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german last name so a lot of a lot of the germans who tried to assimilate when they got to ellis island
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added in an extra e like whenever you see m-a-y-e-r that's because they're from a german heritage and
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they wanted to fit in better but not my family my real last name is german too that's why i don't use
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it because people can't pronounce it it's actually hitler you don't want people to feel uncomfortable
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around you yeah that'd be awesome if my last name was hitler can you imagine going through life with
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your last name being hitler like just a normal person healer it's pronounced it's it's a soft t damn it
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like every time you gotta be like yes i know hitler
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last episode somebody mentioned that uh hitler was akin to antibiotics and now you're saying his
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name is actually pronounced healer that was a reach but it worked if you uh watch the previous episode
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i would just change it to like hitlerstein so then people will be like yeah it's short for hitlerberg
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uh hitlerowitz uh it really sucked when click got doxed
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it's like i really didn't want people to know my last name you were doxed
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what is it what is being doxed really someone just like posts your address like what does it mean
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to be doxed well it it's there's a ton of varieties of doxing obviously um in this case i use my middle
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name instead of my last so i got my last name put out there i got my former uh business name my
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business address my parents address my former address they gave like as much information as they
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could possibly must it could be any personal information really so you know i self-doxed my
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penis size so i take that out of play that's good that's really smart yeah what what is the size
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yes and and it was already out of play you know that most i learned this most men are the size of
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a sharpie so just see how many sharpies you can fit your mouth
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that's it you know what i mean that's going in our new i don't know i think mine's a little bit
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wider than that yeah are you saying most men are the length or the width because if so that's awesome
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i think it's the length yeah okay yeah that's yeah yeah mine leaves a permanent mark either way so
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yeah you have a hard time getting it off of you for a couple days you're like
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are those stickers on your door jose do you have stickers in your room yeah i mean right there those
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ones are stickers the rest aren't those are other shit they're actually um decals
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they're just fucking stickers i mean a kid bought some and i was like i don't give a shit
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i mean these doors are cheap and easy to replace so whatever you know you wouldn't think you just
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take the stickers off you wouldn't you just let me take the whole door off well i don't know i mean
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maybe i'd try to go i guess you probably could repaint it if they came off i don't know you think
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it probably leaves some oh wait so you're in a child's room so okay no this is this is my room
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but oh okay it's not the master bedroom it's a room that's adjoined to the master bedroom i was about
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to retract my judgment but now i am leaving it there i'm leaving my judgment of your i'm married
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with kids so i have no one to impress so if i want to have a room of shit that i like you know i don't
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give a fuck oh yeah yeah you do you yeah i just i haven't met too many grown men with stickers on
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their door that's oh no if i was single this would not be a thing i gotta get laid
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what are the stickers are those like sports teams no no there's just different like superhero shit like
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used to be i'm still i still like comic books and shit but i'm not as much as i was when i was
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younger when i started this like a few years ago but i mean i'm still into it very manly stickers like
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you zoom in on them and it's like i fuck chicks i love women i my dick is always hard you know like
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these are cool i make a lot of money you know stickers for women don't let the stickers fool you
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yeah don't let the stickers hit you on the way out bitch it's from the jack murphy collection
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i don't have any of those stickers i just yell those things out yeah i just exude it and move on
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i used to love stickers remember oily stickers i would get a sticker book and i'd be like wow
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you'd like touch them and stuff remember fuzzy stickers yeah those yeah i do remember those that
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was great were you friends with jack murphy by chance friends were we friends uh we were
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we were his wife we were acquainted i've met his i've met his fiancee i met him and his i met him
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and his fiancee at a jacked brunch in nashville in october i was in uh i was in nashville for a
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medical freedom convention and he was like oh i'm doing a jacked brunch nearby i want to come and i was
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like sure and it was actually like a lovely event i had a bunch of mimosas uh i met like a bunch of
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like nice guys like everyone's like well-dressed looked like the vibe was very successful and kind
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of you know what you just described right what date date rape i think no that that sounds a lot
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like a gay meetup it was a brunch with mimosas well-dressed everyone's pants were a little too
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tight uh it's weird a lot of people going to the bathroom together it's normal it just sounds like a
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power gang meeting to me oh that's true too well we don't dress that well how how do you how do women
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perceive uh cuckdom because men for the most part have a very knee-jerk like this is the most pathetic
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thing i've ever heard reaction i'm just curious if you feel i can't speak for all women because like
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it depends on like where you fall on the kind of like like sexual promiscuity or sexual like what you
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can tolerate scale like some women are like very very open open relationships like anything goes you
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know and then some women do that and then there's not a lot of talk and trust which is like mostly just
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like kind of just cheating and fucking around and then so it depends like where you are but um do i
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judge it no would i get involved with it personally probably not i think i would probably get uh i think
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i would lose respect if a guy that i really liked and was into was into watching another guy like
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dominate me i'd be like oh i was i would kind of wish that it would be the guy that i liked
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dominating me like i would be like oh why why wouldn't i just stick with this guy why do i need
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an audience if i was if i was into being watched like then that's yeah go be watched like hook up with
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the guy you like in a public place or whatever like be like oh it might be caught i get that but i don't
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get like having someone that can't bring it like watching in the corner i don't know it's always
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struck me as kind of inherently gay and i don't know if that's fair i don't know if it's fair but
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like it's either that or you want you you don't feel worthy of your partner so you want to see some
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other guy go to town or or you're aroused by shame and guilt or something that's what i think it is
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i think it has no i don't think it has to do with being like gay or not and it's so easy like i can
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understand a guy being like oh it involves another guy it's gay goodbye like you're not going to want
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to sit there and break it down but i do think it has to do with like maybe a deep-seated like
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insecurity or maybe a previous insecurity like maybe he used to be a fat guy or an unpopular guy
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and like and now that he is better and more successful you can dig back to that former self
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of like oh i'm not worthy i'm so bad i don't deserve good like nice things good people like my own
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sex partner um yes shame is a huge kink for a lot of people not me but no on the flip side though
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can you think of anything more masculine than fucking another dude's wife while he watches
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is there is there a name for that like not the cock but the guy who does the cocking
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is he the bull they call him the bull i believe is his name greedy a greedy boy i've been i've been
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offered multiple times i've never done it because i've i feel like there's gonna be like the dude's
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gonna just sneak in there and rail me in the ass while i'm getting it in so i don't even man there's
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no way that ends not awkward like what do you do after like you just kind of well uh nice day sir
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uh i'll be out of here uh let me find my coat you go over i feel like you bump on the way up
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you bump dicks actually a little sword fight yeah yeah that's right like i challenge you to a duel
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good sir that's how you determine who the bull is actually yeah can you just put these horns on
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real quick yeah that's right he presents a dagger yeah can you just like run into one i'm gonna hold
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one of my wife's dresses and you just run into it it's like thumb wrestling whoever's cock pins the
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other guy's cock wins sounds pretty gay i'm telling you it's okay i think you have to agree
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you have to agree on what's gonna go down beforehand like if you're gonna be like profesh
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about it like you meet up you have dinner you go here's what's gonna happen here's what we don't
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want to have happen here's what we would like to have happen um so that all the rules are like
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really like crystal clear before you go into it i just realized something more masculine being than
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being the guy that fucks under his wife it's being the professional that does that i'm a professional
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bull you know oh like it gets paid for it that's the highest one that has been armani has received
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on the show that's what we should call from now a professional bull is that like uh there was a
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curve enthusiasm enthusiasm episode recently with the concept of a house husband where these
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i saw that i saw that yeah these women who yeah they all had these husbands who didn't know how to
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do any handiwork whatsoever so they were good at negotiating it was um it was larry's uh it was
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fucking paul mooney right leon yeah he's so funny i love that guy yeah he's like oh you're paying too
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much for that oh he charged you he charged you two hundred dollars nah nah nah we can bring that down
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you know are there are there any women that are into whatever the female version of cuckdom is where
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like the girl wants to see her husband fuck other chicks in front of her it like see for me i would
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imagine i would imagine that that means that the girl yeah exactly but that's that's a threesome
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though it's different it's just called being a chick clint's asking if you have any friends
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no no no i i'm serious because like like obviously there's a lot of girls that are bi and they're into
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that and they're into the threesome thing like that's fairly common but is there that version of
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cuckdom for women where they're like no no i don't want i want to literally sit here and watch
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you probably but again i think it's the same kink i think it has to do with insecurity like you're
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gonna sit there and unless you are like a total uh unless you're like an adult film star and you
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it's so blasé to you you're so used to it like you're but then again you have to be so kind of
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open to begin with but like i think for the average chick to like watch
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her guy like rail another woman it's like it just makes you feel bad and it's like uh like
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it'd be very hard for the average girl to watch that and not feel bad about herself so i think
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it's a shame kink it's like a humiliation kink yeah it's really weird as a dude like a threesome
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sounds dope but your wife watching in the corner like even if she's into it that's weird like it would
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be me in the corner sad like i'm dsw website just buying stuff like yeah i'd probably call that a
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divorce huh i'm gonna buy some more shoes if you're the woman who's doing the fucking of the
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husbands is that woman called the cow all right i'll accept that you're the woman who's banging
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someone else's husband because the inverse is the bull yeah i like it i like it actually yeah or we
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you just call it the like is the sexual position just call it the divorce filing oh it's called
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the filing yeah the filing defiling uh there's ashton ashton ashton about to start asking for a link
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no now now i need to know now i need to know if a girl asked if she could watch us because that
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that would be pretty fucking cool he'd be like i said me
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clint clint is into it he wants to uh put on uh like some sort of educational performance honestly
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if there's if there's some girl that wants to sit in the corner of the room and diddle herself when we
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go to town i am not opposed that sounds pretty fucking cool i mean it's still a little weird
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but you know i'm i'm like okay i'll try it i'm a showman i'm a showman by nature man let's do it
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yeah i mean i don't like mind it's just weird that like you're just you're just watching like okay i
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mean have fun i guess but prissy you knew i got ducks ashton talked to you talked to you about it on
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your show oh right i forgot okay i forgot like who too sometimes information goes in and then it goes
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right out someone threatened to dox me so then i called them on their ass and they dox clint which
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was a complete curveball wow this is why i don't have a stage name this is why i like talk i try to
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talk about everything so everybody knows i mean i called them on their shit because i was partly part
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of it was like okay i mean i do have a stage name or whatever but it's like i didn't really care too
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much if i got docs like what is it hose b i'll tell you later and you'll laugh but i'll tell you
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later it is and it'll be uh you'll have a good laugh but i don't know i like having a shred of
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anonymity but at the same time i was like if someone was threatening to dox me i was like okay
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do it bitch and then they dox clint so i was like what the fuck yeah on christmas morning i still can't
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believe like if my name was clint and i was gonna start a podcast i couldn't call it anything but
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clint tease like i don't know why you do a you know i mean like that would be you have to have a
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podcast called clint tease it's a missed opportunity is what i'm saying what i'm missing i'm missing the
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play on words here i'm sorry clint no no the super chat he's talking to oh postmodern whole theory
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i mean maybe it was i get postmodern whole theory i don't get and that's that's a good one you don't
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get clint tease no it's not that hard do you guys get it i'm pretty sure i get it yeah like i know
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that you you probably think it's an imaginary thing but clitoris you know that's a clitoris
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i've never even heard of it i'm not i've never heard of it a clint tease is like the inverse of
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a cock tease oh clint tease okay yeah how are we mansplaining to you no it's it's good it's uh
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sometimes you need that just like jack murphy is clint your name right i think yeah okay
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yeah actually clint torres clint torres exactly clint torres hitler actually i should have made
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that my stage name clint more yeah clint clint torres leachman
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clint torres no can you do the uh cloris leachman impression though no i don't even know what she
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sounds like oh god i can't really do it doesn't just sound like an old smoker i'm cloris leachman
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it basically sounds like that i feel like it sounds nothing like that i have no idea what it is either
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this is great content man all right uh don't you have a video to show us toad i don't know if you
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want to move on to that unless you guys get something else i yeah well we have a couple of
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things we have uh yeah i have this video uh which uh it is this situation that happened i don't know
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if chrissy is seeing this video or not but i can also preface it uh with what happened before this
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video took place was this took place in fairfield connecticut and i went to school there oh interesting
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so yeah it's one of your uh it's your stomping grounds so this dude i forget what his name was some
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italian name he had gone into this smoothie place to get a smoothie for his son who i assume is
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probably like a kid like high school age maybe or younger than that and his son is allergic to
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peanuts so he asked for the smoothie with no peanuts and they gave him either a smoothie with peanuts in
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it or there was cross-contamination and his son had this like severe allergic reaction to it and was
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hospitalized for it and then this is what this guy decided to do after that happened i guess
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well let me get this up here if this is a smoothie shop shooting like we're definitely gonna get a
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channel no no no this is yeah there's yeah definitely not enough violence in this video by the way i
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haven't watched this i'm completely going on toad's word that this is worth a damn at all i don't know
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if this is yeah i'm going in blind too this is gonna be fun well um no you've said enough you can riff
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on it we'll start it off if this is unfunny i'm gonna berate you there's four of us here so we
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honestly don't know okay bye okay you can call corporate whenever you want goodbye
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you're a fucking idiot okay good for you bye bye
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there's something traumatizing about having a liquid thrown at you
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andy no knows all about it so this is this is the part where everybody flipped out about this
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and started calling him a racist because of this comment
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yeah i do want to point out in high school i had some chick throw a drink on my fucking car
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because she was mad at the dude in my passenger seat i never in my life wanted to hit like my
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doxing i was so mad i was like why like that's so disrespectful like what the fuck like i really
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just want to like just choke a woman like what is wrong with you like why would you do that like
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i did nothing to you i had i had a buddy's girlfriend that threw uh an entire pina colada
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in my lap or a margarita i forget which but yeah i was very upset you know that's the thing is like
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you get old enough you realize that crazy only responds to crazy and the best thing you can do
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when faced with crazy is to be neutral and as boring as possible and they can't stand that and
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they have to move on because like it's about an energy match like if you have somebody bringing
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this and and you're like in equal parts like no no you have to just be like oh okay and they they
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can't stand that and they move on it's like you just have to remove yourself completely yeah how
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are you double crazy but do it smartly you know that's that's jose's tactic i do it in the way that
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let them let them fuck up and make an ass of themselves that's right i mean my my personal
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opinion is that calling her an immigrant when she's speaking perfectly good english but she happens
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to be brown is pretty fucking racist that's hilarious it could be way worse yeah yeah calling
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somebody an immigrant which is not even really a slur it's kind of just like i don't know man like
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is that even really racist because like yes anybody can be an immigrant we're all immigrants we all came
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here he didn't say that accidentally don't excuse this guy you know what he was doing it's such a good
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insult though because it's bizarre because it's not even really an offensive word i think this man
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showed immense restraint i think he could have called her a smelly cab driver's daughter there's
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something creative insult could have you could have thrown at her you yeah you fucking cross the border
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you bet i i yeah i mean yeah if it's true i mean we're we're being told what the the premise of
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this is is that his son is now in the hospital i don't know how you like you leave the place you take
00:23:25.220
your son to the hospital and then you drive back to throw the drink at the chick like well and and
0.99
00:23:30.100
also uh this chick was not uh the one that served the smoothie to him like she was not because this
1.00
00:23:36.560
must have happened like hours later because she was not in the store when he was served that he just
00:23:41.640
came back and just started flipping out on whatever employees were at the store at the time this covers
00:23:46.680
clint's face it just makes me giggle uh you do you do absolutely look like a guy that would drive
00:23:53.720
like a hundred percent yeah i had a challenger for a little while but i also don't think there was
00:24:03.440
much uh after that in the video by the way that was basically like the thing like i was like i like i
00:24:07.620
i don't know man like there were a lot of a lot of things to that like as someone who's worked
00:24:12.580
what's that seems like a lot of moving parts like i don't i'm not really clear on what led up to the
00:24:17.820
smoothie tossing i mean that story comes from like all the news articles that reported on this so i
00:24:24.480
think you believe the news yeah man i believe uh yeah the corporate media most of it was from like
0.54
00:24:31.940
local like fairfield area new haven shit like that oh someone pointed out in the chat earlier they were
0.76
00:24:37.980
asking about uh cole we never we never addressed that uh we kicked him off the show yeah yeah we
1.00
00:24:43.200
kicked him off the show he thought it was okay uh we had a friend brandon brandon von cluffington on
00:24:48.360
twitter his grandpa died fake name yeah uh it's a totally fake name but uh although i hope it's real i
00:24:54.980
don't know if it is or not but his grandpa died he made a touching post about it and then cole thought
00:25:00.200
it would be funny to make a coffee pasta of it and it's such we've fired him that's just too far
0.77
00:25:04.380
we're we're we're dicks over here at tower gang but we're not assholes so like there's a distinction
1.00
00:25:10.140
dicks fuck assholes we do the fucking we don't get fucked that's what you're saying yeah uh yeah so
1.00
00:25:18.500
yeah shout out to uh cole uh and his grandfather so it actually happened because cole is unvaccinated
1.00
00:25:24.320
so he literally killed grandpa shout out to his grandfather who is very much alive um it's really
00:25:30.960
yeah i mean it's just so uncool of him to pretend that his grandpa died for like social media clout i
00:25:37.780
i it's stunning honestly yeah i thought i knew him but then he goes and does something like this i know
00:25:42.680
we had to get rid of him and then he actually uh died because he was overweight and diabetic so a lot
00:25:48.220
of things going on there wait cole is overweight and diabetic yeah fat dave all right i can't give
00:25:52.840
the joke up anymore chrissy just so you know uh actually cole's grandpa did die and then we all
0.90
00:25:57.960
immediately started clowning on him because his grandpa died because that's the kind of friends
00:26:01.640
we are and i mostly did it because he made fun of me when my grandpa died and made jokes so i was
00:26:06.820
like i'm gonna go super hard at you now and so we all copy pasted him he had a beautiful touching
00:26:11.820
fucking tweet and everyone just like copy pasted it onto like separate tweets so it was like what
0.96
00:26:16.900
the fuck is going on did brandon did brandon photoshop that to make it seem as if his was earlier
0.99
00:26:22.420
yeah yeah it was funny because cole had people legit contacting be like hey man i'm really sorry
0.99
00:26:28.980
what they're doing to you that's like really fucked up but he's like but he's like dude like these are
0.97
00:26:32.780
my friends like they're assholes and i did it to them so i can't really
0.99
00:26:36.300
what did he die of huh what did he die of oldness i don't know who cares
0.99
00:26:48.660
of or with is an important distinction uh yeah i mean let's be honest i don't really care that
00:26:57.980
his grandfather died because i didn't know his grandfather but but that being said i did not
00:27:02.920
pile on and when my grandfather dies correction they're both dead go ahead and make fun of me when
00:27:08.200
it when they yeah i didn't i didn't really pile on but i was also wondering like what is the statute
00:27:14.980
of limitations on like uh dead grandparent sympathy because what if what if i were to be like oh yeah
00:27:20.300
my grandfather died 11 years ago i still have a living grandmother so if if she dies she's very
0.97
00:27:27.640
she's very soft and sweet and if you make fun of her death i will kill you so don't do it i will say
00:27:33.540
though i think if cole was here he would say like he said multiple times how much he was laughing the
0.98
00:27:37.560
whole day i actually think we brightened his day and made a little bit better to deal with
00:27:40.920
that was all derrick dude derrick is so funny man oh yeah like i know even with my grandpa when it
00:27:45.980
happened like i was sad but like i know getting clowned on by the boys like if anything it just
0.97
00:27:50.460
lifted my spirits i was like fuck you guys but that's funny it's all about it's all about the
0.98
00:27:55.940
place it comes from if it's actually truly malicious that it's like okay that's fucking weird
0.99
00:28:00.360
uh but it was all love yeah no yeah we've already ragged on him dude we see where his priorities
00:28:06.220
are it is what it is uh you know we'll talk about it later so no elf culture that's a good point he
1.00
00:28:11.620
says i can't believe cole would tend to his grandfather's death instead of coming on tower
0.99
00:28:14.860
power he doesn't he lacks priorities and and that's that's just the truth and this is why he's so
00:28:20.840
incredibly obese we had a media fan who died very recently i wonder if it's the same guy
00:28:27.080
yo cole's grandfather you think about oh my god i just realized something if you think about how much
00:28:34.000
cole uses the n-word can you imagine what his grandfather said when it was okay to use it
0.94
00:28:39.240
well his wife uses it more than he does imagine his grandfather dude people from alabama or georgia
1.00
00:28:45.820
wherever the fuck that idiot's from they are out of their minds alabama yeah dude it's funny especially
1.00
00:28:51.200
like you talked like uh in the south like little sweet old ladies they will just like not even like
1.00
00:28:56.220
not even a little bit of hate or like they say it like it's nothing and my great grandmother said it
00:29:01.520
it was so awesome they're just words you know it depends like where you come up like i say gay
00:29:06.040
all the time i say everything is gay and it's like i think i think it just depends where you live and
00:29:10.860
how much meaning certain words have my great grandmother said negra in a sentence and i was
00:29:17.540
like i almost died i couldn't believe it i was like 12 years old no she said negra like i was like
00:29:24.280
that's like a female that's like a female n-word i don't know i don't know what the context was i was
00:29:30.360
only 12 but she said she said negra in a sentence there was no animosity or hatred in it she was
00:29:35.760
just referring to a black person and she said negra and i was like it sounds like she's friends
00:29:40.060
with shira it sounds like she's just fighting crime i mean i thought she was just ordering one
00:29:45.420
of those modelos the black modelos the neighbor my wife's uh grandparent or grandmother who's like a
00:29:51.240
super sweet old like southern actually she was originally from uh i think britain and then she like
0.99
00:29:56.000
moved like i don't know the fucking like shortly after world war ii or whatever the fuck when the
0.98
00:30:00.220
old people were to move to like with her husband and they lived in the south and like i remember at
0.96
00:30:04.760
one point she wanted me to hand her her cane and she's the sweetest old lady and she just like
1.00
00:30:09.040
like nothing it's like oh oh oh oh can you can you hand me my nigger knocker
1.00
00:30:13.880
like not even like she's doing it to like show off just be like that's just a thing you just say
0.97
00:30:27.200
you're like whoa okay grandma your cane is a gun whoa
00:30:36.400
wow that's incredible no she died shortly after but i wish we had more time with her just for that
00:30:44.360
i love the way that my grandma used to talk about race she'd come back from church
00:30:52.440
often and she'd be like oh chrissy i met the nicest man at church today he was black
00:30:57.520
but nice you know and i was like oh and i immediately you'd know what exactly what she
0.99
00:31:02.600
was talking about i'm like good for you grandma yeah he was like he speaks well he's very clean
00:31:07.820
like just like joe biden said about obama the closest i got it was like uh my grandfather on my
00:31:15.480
dad's side after uh my grandmother died he remarried this woman who we all thought was just horrible
00:31:20.840
because she was like she was a horrible person she's no she was no she wasn't black she was an old
0.98
00:31:27.280
uh ugly small white woman and the this was like the closest that any of my grandparents got to
1.00
00:31:33.860
racism pretty much was my grandfather's wife who at one point made like a derogatory comment
1.00
00:31:38.280
because my sister was dating this indian dude indian as in from the country of india not not native
00:31:43.700
american and uh like my grandfather's wife just makes this offhanded comment like yeah that guy that
1.00
00:31:49.400
guy i don't care if he's indian or whatever he's as black as the ace of snakes
1.00
00:31:53.280
that's funny that's so specific i love a specific reference it's funny hearing you from uh up north
00:32:01.700
toad and then you clint speak about like old people and it's like i'm like live in the south so i'm just
00:32:06.440
like if anything i'm just kind of like bored listening to these stories like oh mild racism
00:32:10.920
it was a little different in san diego it was it was less prolific but my my family
00:32:19.340
my great-grandmother was in colorado and she said negra and i i just i couldn't believe it i had
0.87
00:32:24.480
never heard anything like it in my life i was just like holy shit great gee gee how dare you
0.77
00:32:30.400
uh but he didn't mean anything bad by it they really got away with so much didn't they like
0.78
00:32:34.500
our parents and grandparents like they don't know how good they had it
00:32:37.420
hey we're taking it back though we'll get it back
00:32:42.460
i mean that's what we're trying to like basically the way that like all of us would have spoken when
00:32:47.960
i was in college uh not that long ago like none of that would fly anymore today so yeah i mean it
0.97
00:32:53.800
is just location but it's yeah we brought up the biden thing and a lot of people give him shit he said
0.87
00:32:58.080
like negro today and it was like by today's standard that is offensive but that's actually
0.95
00:33:03.160
pretty for like a person of his time that's pretty progressive because we were talking about
00:33:07.360
like old people like how my wife's grandma said like nigger just like flippantly it wasn't even
0.99
00:33:12.860
like she even cared it was and now you i mean whatever it's just a word i don't care i'm just
0.96
00:33:17.780
describing something there's no hate there i don't give a fuck but like uh i don't know just the way
0.96
00:33:22.640
she said it flippantly and like you think like uh biden i mean he is a little bit dementia addled so
0.94
00:33:27.360
i mean that probably contributes to it but it is like for his time that's nothing like who cares you
00:33:32.360
know really even now i mean if you're looking objectively it's really not that big of a deal it's just
0.88
00:33:36.280
funny you're like you really do not have your shit together do you if joe biden if joe biden had
0.98
00:33:41.240
social media back in like the 1960s can you imagine what type of shit he would have said it would have
0.99
00:33:46.340
been amazing yeah yeah the left would be in a weird position where they want to like dig up all that
0.99
00:33:53.740
old shit but not do it because he's their guy i promise you the the corn pop story would have been
0.90
00:33:59.140
a lot different had you been reading about it when it happened yeah that's right do you think that
1.00
00:34:05.700
do you think that slaveholders had good lives
1.00
00:34:08.640
probably do you think that their lives were like because because to me it seems kind of like a
00:34:16.060
picturesque existence and i know it sounds really terrible because you owned a bunch of human beings
00:34:21.100
but i'm just saying you live on a plantation it's beautiful very similar to being a landlord
00:34:27.680
in new york city you know you're like nobody wants to see them you're like oh okay they're here
00:34:33.580
to collect they're not very nice they're probably jewish you know what i mean it's like
1.00
00:34:36.820
i'm sure it was pretty similar dude i'm not gonna lie though you say that but on the flip side i feel
00:34:42.780
like you'd be every night like they're gonna kill me like there's always that like if they just get a
0.99
00:34:50.000
grain of thought like hey if we all group together if these motherfuckers ever learn how to read i am toast
1.00
00:34:55.400
yeah i just i just don't see i just don't see how that was productive at all because you had to
0.96
00:35:01.240
constantly like be aware of your own self-defense the whole time like basically basically there's
00:35:05.500
like this gang like in my yard like modern day cops so you know the joke is like a black man
1.00
00:35:11.600
moves quick i'm like whoa that'd be the same thing for a slaveholder they move a little bit
0.96
00:35:14.960
people are saying these guys are all racist but they actually invited all these black people onto
0.79
00:35:22.320
their property oh jesus christ what is it my great-grandbrother slaves he treated them well
00:35:29.140
oh that's nice you know what though uh i know this is gonna sound really uh offensive yeah but i mean
00:35:35.280
if you read thad russell's book on like uh you know i was the do you remember you remember his book
0.72
00:35:40.240
yeah he actually does go into a little bit and a lot of our conceptions of slavery are pretty fucked up
00:35:46.640
not to say it was like a great thing that happened or anything but the idea that we have of like
0.98
00:35:51.200
whip whip get back to work motherfucker like it wasn't exactly like that and there's a little bit
1.00
00:35:56.280
more nuanced than we like to look at it into our modern day lens don't be wrong there probably was
0.99
00:36:00.440
that as well but a lot of these people you know did i don't know i don't know what i'm gonna jerk
0.51
00:36:04.920
off to anymore just had all my fantasies destroyed when it's inter-elf culture is saying his great
0.99
00:36:10.740
grandfather had slaves that treated them well i'm pretty sure his great grandfather was santa claus
00:36:15.020
so yeah wasn't one of the founding fathers i believe might have been washington or lincoln
00:36:19.040
they uh they weren't even legally allowed to free their slaves so it was like well known that they
00:36:24.020
actually like basically did treat them as family because a lot of people use you were a slave holder
00:36:28.020
is like to shit on them but he's like i literally couldn't get rid of them like they would immediately
0.84
00:36:31.900
go right back to slavery and so they like yeah it was even closer than family they let them drill
0.99
00:36:37.020
their wives that's where the whole bull it may laugh that is kind of actually the origin of it
1.00
00:36:42.320
yeah that's what happened yeah the uh plantation owners were the og cocks actually
1.00
00:36:46.820
yeah in a weird way yeah they were maybe it's actually really interesting when you get into it
00:36:52.040
i remember reading the book and there is like it was like a thing too where like uh you would
00:36:56.260
they would like you know people would have kids with their slaves and then you know they you'd have
00:37:00.200
to wait a generation or two before they were passable as white and you could be like you know what
00:37:03.440
you're basically a white person now like you can operate like white people do you know like
00:37:07.220
and i'm not even saying that like an offensive way that's just like they would almost borderline
00:37:10.820
intentionally do it to be like you gotta kind of breeding your way to freedom
0.99
00:37:14.260
breed all the black out of them man you're a product of 10 generations of of rape and now you
1.00
00:37:20.440
can be free holy shit ashton said it was thomas jefferson although i think it was like multiple
1.00
00:37:29.440
the founders had shit like that because people always try to slam them for being like racist for
0.98
00:37:33.660
having slaves but it's like well you gotta think of the context and sometimes some laws and stuff that
1.00
00:37:37.720
was going on at the time it's not as simple as just oh you had slaves you're evil
00:37:40.860
well i'm just everson wrote about it he wrote about how he was really like morally torn by it and and
00:37:47.920
i think that he freed them upon his death or something he used to have he used to sit out with a desk and
00:37:52.440
a sign in front of it that said having slaves isn't so bad prove me wrong and come up and debate him
00:37:59.340
dude that would be amazing i could see thad russell doing that that'd be phenomenal who knew
00:38:03.640
steven crowder was the great great grandson of yeah that's where he got the sign idea from
0.97
00:38:09.320
this is actually why they got rid of the two dollar bill so can you imagine the fucking riot mob if
0.85
00:38:16.320
steven crowder did that oh my god honestly i can't believe we're not running with these ideas like if
0.98
00:38:23.780
you want this show to blow up we need to do like go to an all-black college and sit there with a table
1.00
00:38:29.900
copies of renegade history on hand like yo you better have your points down though like you
00:38:37.880
better have your talking points ready okay with a lot of anger coming at you too i think it would
0.85
00:38:44.580
be great to just lose the debate horribly and then put it up like like like owns black college students
0.97
00:38:51.420
and within the first five minutes somebody takes a sign and like breaks it in half and you're like
0.57
00:38:55.500
all right but you have to specifically call it like power power gang owns black college students
1.00
00:39:03.660
and then the whole the whole idea is we're defending slavery but the owns is a play on words
0.97
00:39:09.000
and then we actually ah that's funny oh man god damn it if only i if only i could run faster than them
0.99
00:39:16.640
so i could get away it's a goddamn extra bone and and we're unvaccinated so probably the black
0.98
00:39:24.600
colleges are the ones that were more likely to be allowed onto campus still so we're talking about
0.97
00:39:30.660
slavery right now this is important uh stuff no this is a good question that's a good question
00:39:35.440
chrissy do you think that new york can be saved or is it lost forever it's definitely new york has
00:39:39.680
definitely taken a lot of damage uh if we put it in video game terms like yeah it's gonna take a
00:39:45.080
couple years i think if you've moved away from new york like don't feel any sort of sense of fomo
00:39:49.460
it's gonna take five or ten years i think for it to be back where it was it's definitely like not
00:39:55.580
really a cultural artistic hub anymore like i love seeing the new york city propaganda like in cabs or
0.57
00:40:02.960
on the subway it's like broadway's back baby and it's just fucking you get out of the subway everyone's
0.98
00:40:07.560
just shooting up in the street and it's like yeah yeah everyone's shooting up in the clinics too to be
00:40:13.800
able to go into the broadway play can you imagine using this argument in this like scenario you
00:40:19.120
presented oh i'm sorry would you like to not have the pyramids yeah would you like to see what your
00:40:25.740
life would be like sans pyramids hey man the pyramids were built by aliens okay aliens who the egyptians
00:40:34.060
enslaved hey one of your simps made it in here i guess but you know i'm all for it keep giving us
00:40:38.760
money hell yeah yay arabian pleb he actually he actually sent me he's the one that sent me the
0.91
00:40:46.400
the dope ass australian cowboy hat so he's awesome uh chrissy mayer somehow broke the hot crazy axis
1.00
00:40:51.640
anyone familiar knows but chrissy has dropped a gorgeous 10 out of 10 and 0 to 10 crazy i disagree
0.99
00:40:56.100
with the 0 to 10 on the crazy funny comedians who cracks me up much love and respect i mean are you
00:41:01.140
gonna say you're a 0 out of 10 on the crazy come on that woman doesn't exist like i don't know i
1.00
00:41:05.820
think crazy you don't know how crazy somebody is till you see behaviors i think like unless you base
00:41:10.540
it on like talk and jokes i guess everyone's different but five is like average so you're
00:41:15.540
not even like average crazy what is average crazy i don't know like just the normal person with
00:41:20.460
so you get a perfect upbringing nothing like pinholes in the condom
00:41:23.700
no it's like that's that's i don't understand like how women like the the desire to want to
1.00
00:41:32.560
baby trap a man is like so crazy it's like why would why would you want to i don't know but i also
0.99
00:41:37.940
have like no kids baby yeah no kids and like never baby you have a motherfucker i was always the opposite
0.99
00:41:46.280
i was like i'd always be like oh no i don't want to be connected to anybody for life jesus christ
0.98
00:41:50.720
like i watched my parents to have a horrible marriage and i'm like why would i want to like
00:41:55.160
you know have a reason to like i don't know that's just very that was very scary to me no i'm good now
00:42:02.600
i went to therapy i figured some things out so you're not 0 out of 10 you already i mean there's
00:42:07.140
no way i feel like 0 out of 10 is a lot weird i mean like well what's the craziest thing i've done i
00:42:11.840
mean like i think like i think it depends how you average person is five you think it's crazy to like
00:42:18.600
fight for medical freedom and oh no i think it's beautiful but it still doesn't make you like
00:42:24.060
not at all crazy you're like a terrorist i don't think it's a crazy thing to do like i i just think
00:42:31.400
like taking a train to dc is not that crazy you know like well i bought a train ticket and i would
00:42:38.700
say like going somewhere for a long period on a bus is crazy i took a bus from oklahoma city to dallas once
00:42:44.560
that's a little nuts but i want i wanted to save money i was like this i can have all this experience
00:42:49.840
for 10 to 15 dollars like bus people are the best bus people have stories there was a guy on that bus
00:42:55.060
that was like i'm gonna get back my ex-girlfriend and everyone's saying buddy you're not gonna do it
00:42:59.420
on the bus like you gotta bring something a little more yeah see my my therapist says that uh if you if you
00:43:07.980
if you ask if you ever ask yourself if you're crazy that means you're not so the fact that you're
00:43:12.820
considering yourself a zero makes me think that you might i never said that i was a zero i just
00:43:17.660
i don't think that i'm as far as like chicks go i'm not that crazy because it's like i think the
00:43:23.820
crazy comes out and how you handle conflict like if you get in a fight or something and your impulse
00:43:29.400
is to like hurt the person or like manipulate their life into being shittier that's crazy like if i if i
0.97
00:43:36.860
i'm like i'm gone like if i get in a fight i'm really mad i'll just fucking disappear like you won't
0.97
00:43:41.600
see me or hear from me for days like i'd rather do that and like protect myself than be like oh how
0.99
00:43:47.140
do i manipulate this person into liking me again uh or like how do i like fuck with their life you
0.98
00:43:52.780
know like that sounds great i'm not gonna like sign you up for like a spam email like a lot of people
0.97
00:43:58.680
did that to me after i did kung flu fighting i was like why am i getting all these like asian newsletters
00:44:04.200
stop asian hate man well christy said that she doesn't baby trap men but what she's not telling
0.52
00:44:11.380
you is that she likes them to raw dog her and then she just gets an abortion no i've never had one
0.95
00:44:15.940
that's how it happens i'm over oh i've never had one pretty pretty cool yeah yeah i'm also not a
00:44:23.420
i'm a murderer congrats i mean i mean if we're counting swallowing then maybe i am a murderer
00:44:30.140
but yeah that's the cool kind of killer though you know for me life begins at digestion so
1.00
00:44:42.540
that's a shit baby i want to collect those stimmy checks you know
1.00
00:44:48.880
you go along the tooth toad you want to start bringing up our next bit we were supposed to have
0.99
00:44:54.200
a nice little graphic but uh top failed us well we do have that but i did want to ask uh also
00:44:59.540
because we had that uh female uh comedian comment in there i wanted to ask chrissy if she can list
1.00
00:45:04.540
five female comedians who are actually funny besides herself okay um that's a hard one jessica
0.98
00:45:10.540
person is so hilarious and very talented karen feehan if you like roasting and like harsh
00:45:16.960
uh like a like a bitchy funny female she is great for that uh here's where i start to trail off a
1.00
00:45:24.360
little bit um no after two she's too bitchy for me i would say who do i adrian iapaluchi is a very
0.98
00:45:31.520
funny stand-up comic i think sarah tolemash is a very good joke writer she's a little bit low energy
00:45:38.260
but she's very funny and uh and quirky god who else is really funny and then it's like i also
00:45:43.880
meet so many people that are so funny but it's like they don't they don't their careers are not
00:45:49.240
together and it's like and they're not motivated and or they get too high or they just like can't
00:45:54.220
fucking get it together or like they can't show up on time or they can't keep an appointment so
0.89
00:45:58.740
i think that's like a lot of comedians are their own worst enemy or creative people in general it's
0.99
00:46:04.300
like so you can't think of five is what you're saying by time by doing that long monologue she
00:46:10.780
also made the last two up she's like nobody's gonna let me think about it i i i literally no one
00:46:19.400
you've said so far i've even ever heard of not just not to take away from your point by the way
00:46:23.000
most of my friends are guys like most of the people i work with are are guys um it's not a
00:46:28.920
coincidence uh let's see let's see who's funny my opener my opener amanda gale is pretty funny
0.95
00:46:34.320
yeah yeah you didn't mean that one there you go all right that's four four on the list he was 45
00:46:41.200
minutes late to our last show that's why i still have hard feelings i've literally never heard of
00:46:46.940
any of them and the last one you just stall did you come up with not a good sign for women
1.00
00:46:51.480
it doesn't make sense for women to be funny it's like why what do you have to gain from this
1.00
00:46:59.920
generally speaking obviously for you a comedian but you think the only reason why men are funny
00:47:04.100
is to get something out of it yes i'm not even necessarily it doesn't mean there's like a thing
00:47:08.220
but there's like it's just from evolutionarily speaking like why would women have to develop
0.97
00:47:12.900
you do it as like a performance not because you enjoy it or we get we get a peacock you know
00:47:17.540
right like men in the animal kingdom the males are like the clowns right like this happens with
00:47:22.000
other species too i i would i would disagree i think there are just as many hilarious women but
1.00
00:47:28.660
less women pursue stand-up comedy because of how unglamorous and how difficult it is and how
1.00
00:47:33.600
it has to be done during your prime dating mating family making years like most people you're gonna
00:47:39.660
start out of college probably or out of high school if you don't go to college and you got to put in at
00:47:44.620
least 10 years to make a dent find your voice you know do the road or whatever it is so that boom
00:47:50.380
that's 10 years that's from like 20 to 25 to like 30 to 35 that's like most women are not down for that
1.00
00:47:57.500
they want to they want to have a family they want to like it you know and it's just a huge risk it's
00:48:02.520
like you don't know if it'll it's a huge gamble it's like a 10-year gamble basically and if you're if
0.98
00:48:08.040
you're doing the road you don't want to like sleep in a fucking comedy condo with unwashed sheets you
0.98
00:48:13.720
don't want to be hanging out with a bunch of alcoholics most nights it's like it's just not
0.96
00:48:17.980
like an attractive option for most women yeah it's during the baby making years so yeah yeah and like
1.00
00:48:24.220
and like i totally get it uh too i mean most women like are hilarious i mean like hairdressers are
1.00
00:48:30.140
fucking hilarious nail people are fucking hilarious um it's just they're not pursuing stand-up um like as
0.87
00:48:38.000
a job i will say from my anecdotal experience of my entire life i don't find that to be true
0.99
00:48:43.440
but uh you know i'm not saying there aren't funny women i've met plenty of funny women but
0.99
00:48:49.500
if i had to like you know quantify it's not very high where are you hanging out but to be fair i've
00:48:55.660
i've been a jock i was in the military like so i had more of a dude's experience so i guess but
00:49:01.260
from the woman i have known uh i mean there are some really funny ones and it is always nice when you
0.98
00:49:05.440
have like a really funny female friend but it's like nice because it's rare you're like holy shit
0.89
00:49:09.980
yeah most funny women are not hanging out doing men's sports and in the military that's why you
1.00
00:49:14.900
haven't encountered a lot of funny women i mean yeah yeah i don't know although i have to say one
1.00
00:49:21.100
of the funniest people in my life is my daughter so but i mean that's also because she's mine so i have
00:49:26.960
two daughters i have a 12 year old and a nine year old and you think oh i think a nine year old
00:49:31.940
girl's considered a woman you said funniest woman in my life is my daughter i was expecting 20
00:49:38.080
women in the in the biological sense i mean she's definitely a girl but uh the 12 year olds get into
1.00
00:49:44.000
that weird age and i i absolutely fucking despise this 12 year old is a woman yet no i don't think
0.99
00:49:48.840
it's a woman either i'm just saying they're a child i don't think they're a woman either but
0.98
00:49:52.160
they're in that weird spot where they're starting to be less of a kid and more of like a i don't know
00:49:57.760
a woman i guess and you're like i don't like this like they're in the version she's gonna have her
0.99
00:50:01.560
period any moment and i'm like i don't i don't like this this is your mother's problem don't talk
00:50:06.020
to me about this stuff and i guess that's not good but it's still like it freaks me out so
00:50:09.300
so like if it's something that you haven't experienced it freaks you out or you yes that's
0.99
00:50:15.180
exactly i don't like change yeah but when she starts sucking dick then you can help her with that
1.00
00:50:21.380
the experience jesus christ just joshing you all right we got a we got a super chat and uh
0.99
00:50:31.320
crazy litmus test would you read your partner's text message questions for everyone clint the
0.97
00:50:36.560
motherfucking man it's never a good idea it's never a good idea the impulse to do that is is coming from
0.98
00:50:41.660
a place of mistrust and when you're approaching it from that through that lens you're going to find
0.99
00:50:47.980
something to you know i mean you're there's blood in the water you just got to find something to
00:50:52.980
justify this horrible thing you're doing which is going through a phone so i've been married for 10
00:50:58.300
years and i don't have that desire i mean maybe it's because i'm just like comfortable because i'm
00:51:01.680
married for 10 years and i'm not worried about any of that she's more worried about paying bills and
1.00
00:51:05.980
working and taking care of kids and whatever the fuck so i don't have that issue to worry about but
0.97
00:51:10.620
no i mean i don't know that's just gay if i'm if i'm to the point that i'm that concerned
0.97
00:51:15.480
the relationship's over so yeah that's kind of how i feel i mean it also seems like yeah like you
00:51:22.140
said it comes from yeah an area of mistrust but it also seems like kind of a leftist thing to do
00:51:26.660
where you're kind of digging for whatever you can find and then it's like at that point it's like
00:51:30.540
you're just looking for something i think to end the relationship at that point anyway so uh yeah you
00:51:34.900
should be able to like if you're doing that it's because you are so uncomfortable to bring up
00:51:39.500
you know certain concern or like you you'd rather not have the conversation you'd rather be
0.99
00:51:44.480
like i caught you you asshole and then be like so that comes from a place of of avoiding conflict
0.99
00:51:50.040
yeah or wanting you're making my point for me right now ashton
0.99
00:51:54.260
ashton's actually very funny i just haven't seen her stand-up so i i can't yeah i can't vouch for her
00:52:01.720
stand-up abilities i mean i'm obviously chrissy can vouch for i feel like there's probably something
00:52:05.700
way different than being like actually funny and then being a stand-up comedian and being funny
00:52:09.900
like those are different they're two totally different muscles yeah like stand-up is rehearsed
00:52:14.620
and i mean there's a if you're good i think there's a lot of improv in there and crowd work
00:52:20.120
like some of the best stuff just is like the magic in the crowd and it's like taking risks but plenty
00:52:25.040
of stand-ups don't even touch crowd work but yeah it's more of a measured rehearse thing whereas like
00:52:29.600
if you're just funny conversationally like that's a gift and and a lot of stand-ups don't even have
00:52:35.640
that they they can't be like light and quick on their no like i couldn't imagine doing stand-up
00:52:40.100
and i'm not saying i'm even really a funny person that'd be conceited but we've definitely had some
00:52:43.740
funny episodes but all this show is is riffing so like that's yeah there's no way that any of us
00:52:48.700
would stand up you know but you know so it's definitely you're working that muscle we'd be
00:52:53.760
very mediocre at crowd work and shit as comics overall but you know between the four of us or five or six
00:53:00.220
of us or whatever we get up to um yeah it's it's it's fun it's a good it honestly it is it's like
00:53:06.840
that's a good point like we we do have a lot of experience now improv-ing with each other yeah yeah
00:53:12.460
and that's a very like male bonding thing is to like rib on each other that way like that's that's
00:53:17.280
that's how i do it because i have a lot of guy friends and hang out with a lot of guy comics but
0.94
00:53:22.060
like women are so different like we would never think to like shit on each other like that way we
0.99
00:53:27.700
wouldn't like be like here you're you're fucking lesbian you know like we would never think to
1.00
00:53:32.380
well you do it behind each other's back yes i uh i don't understand that i don't i guess maybe i
1.00
00:53:38.200
don't have that many female friends but i don't understand like talking behind somebody's back
0.95
00:53:42.260
like just i don't know it's weird to me i guess it's a high school thing all right let's roll up
00:53:48.120
let's roll out a bit we're getting we're getting we keep getting on sidetracks and we uh the best thing
00:53:51.820
about about like tight-knit group of guy friends is that you get to say everything that you actually
00:53:58.860
mean but you get to couch into the joke so it just gets accepted eventually but like yeah we we
00:54:06.020
definitely say the most fucked up things to each other so i think it it builds camaraderie women
1.00
00:54:10.720
women on the other hand tend to not say it directly and then they just end up hating each other i think
1.00
00:54:16.340
that's why it's so hard to have like a really lifelong friendship amongst women because eventually
1.00
00:54:21.180
that that back talking ends up building up not you chrissy but i don't know i think that like if
00:54:27.440
women have trouble having lifelong friends it's because um a woman's focus has to shift so much to
1.00
00:54:35.540
like find like so much has to go big if i'm gonna find somebody that i'm gonna like trust like
00:54:40.600
reproducing with like that takes a lot of like your heart and mind and focus and then once you have kids
00:54:46.040
as well it's like all my really good girlfriends we never even had a fight but once they found a guy
00:54:51.280
they just pull away they're just like they're just not available to hang out anymore not because of any
00:54:55.760
kind of a falling out or shit talking it's just like priorities like that's yeah it's kind of like
0.87
00:55:00.840
oh damn you were only hanging out with me to like find a dude at all these uh happy hours
0.97
00:55:05.860
like yeah that's that's what's happening yeah all right toad you ready yeah all right i'll intro the
0.99
00:55:13.380
bit this is uh our bit we call fuck or duck and we just present different pictures of people
0.60
00:55:17.840
and i mean you can just go as detailed or nauseous you want we just have fun with it and the idea is
0.98
00:55:23.340
would you fuck this person would you not uh these are gonna be all dudes i'll tell you that except
0.99
00:55:26.600
for one there's one that's not a dude and uh you know you have to guess which yeah you have to guess
0.99
00:55:31.400
which but the idea is that's a different game you know say for us if it's a dude obviously we're
00:55:36.200
putting ourselves in the frame of like if we were a woman and so just have fun with it so you can
00:55:39.700
either be a bunch of trans swimmers coming up no i don't know what order toad is doing this in but
00:55:46.660
this should be fun so go ahead well hopefully i got all the people we were supposed to include here
00:55:51.400
but yeah let's do it and yeah we do want you to kind of roast all these people as well honestly roast
00:55:56.040
if you have something nice to say you know all right fine roast or toast toad's leaning into this
0.99
00:56:00.800
because he knows we're just going i thought he had a different graphic i would fuck this graphic
0.95
00:56:06.300
that was top lobster by the way check it out pick up pick up your shirts like this one at
0.97
00:56:11.100
toplobster.com yeah and then i have the scott horton one on so i've got one of his hats yeah
00:56:17.120
all right let's do it all right number one i didn't realize you had a graphic but
0.95
00:56:21.840
here we go i mean i okay so i was i was gonna say fuck until i saw the wedding ring and then i'm like
0.97
00:56:29.620
oh right this is jay smith well in this scenario you know it's whether there's no there's not that
0.99
00:56:34.920
like he's a single guy it's okay the music reaction was fucked so yeah yeah that's an f
0.97
00:56:40.640
okay uh i will say it looks a little derpy in this picture but i know who it is uh so
0.96
00:56:47.080
you know who it is do you obviously i know who it is i love dave but here's my thing he's a good
0.99
00:56:54.000
looking guy uh i will say like as me as a woman people say like there's a rumor he's a huge dick
0.96
00:57:00.260
uh like that's the rumor everyone knows anyone watching legion skanks legion skanks that's like
0.93
00:57:04.800
they talk about it on legion skanks constantly yeah he mentioned it or somebody else i don't know
00:57:08.220
i don't know where the origin is but that's the rumor and uh and big jay and i don't know you
0.99
00:57:15.500
probably advise me i feel like as a woman i mean don't get me wrong you don't want a little dick
1.00
00:57:19.220
but i feel like a huge dick like for a long-term relationship would be rough maybe for one night
0.99
00:57:23.780
sure uh that sounds like a little dick cope right there jose maybe i don't know i've never had i've
1.00
00:57:31.940
never had a girl break up with me going you know i could handle it for the first month but after
0.85
00:57:36.260
okay you know what this is i'll go ahead and tell you guys right now it's because i've had issues
0.97
00:57:39.660
before where my wife hurts and i'm like it's not i'm not even that big so i'm like what the fuck i
0.99
00:57:44.600
can't even imagine if i had a huge dick like and trying to have a long-term sexual relationship
0.99
00:57:48.400
how awful that would be figure out what positions are best to do you figure out ones where like
1.00
00:57:52.460
i don't know that sounds like too much work i'd rather have like a slightly above average dick
0.99
00:58:00.940
you can't do doggy as much you have to do like girl on top because then you can control like how
0.99
00:58:05.820
much is going in that's too much work i just want a slightly above average dick and i'm happy with
0.98
00:58:10.140
that but most guys are in are in very much the acceptable to great range i think it's because
0.97
00:58:15.160
when you start watching porn most guys thinks they're not they're not big enough but most guys
0.98
00:58:18.960
are totally great no i've been married for 10 years so i see huge dicks on porn i'm like that
0.99
00:58:23.080
looks awful for the woman lewis and jay have both admitted that they have five inch dicks so i i feel
1.00
00:58:30.180
like like dave could have like a seven or eight inch dick and they're like enormous i know i will say
0.99
00:58:36.520
he looks like he's an aloof lover i don't know why i get that vibe from dave i don't know i don't
1.00
00:58:40.480
know i just do so but still yes aloof lover i will fuck dave i don't care what his dick size is
1.00
00:58:48.500
because i'm fucking him he's not fucking me so and i will take oh you're in the scenario of a
1.00
00:58:53.480
woman where you're gonna strap on dave i will take that no you know what that's the thing is i
0.99
00:58:59.360
would be fucking dave i'd be like what the fuck why is it taking you so long to do my podcast huh
0.99
00:59:03.540
i've been asking you and asking you what's going on like i was going out here twice i was going to
0.99
00:59:08.080
an angry and i'd be like fucking 25 times ourselves yeah i don't get it oh you don't like something in
0.99
00:59:16.680
your ass you should have done my podcast the only strange thing is that the height differential is
1.00
00:59:21.700
such that just dave and i just standing like facing each other i'm already basically sucking
1.00
00:59:26.480
his dick so that's kind of weird pretty hot uh tastes like liberty it's making it hard for me to
0.99
00:59:33.500
talk about fucking dave with you having your picture on the screen so if you oh sorry yeah
1.00
00:59:37.040
um wait that's me i'm sorry toad i i mean maybe as a woman i might be like he looks like he has his
0.99
00:59:43.800
life together so maybe that might be like someone i could you like my christmas my christmas tree
00:59:50.020
very confident you look like you just came over like for a christmas hookup and like this is like
00:59:57.440
a a meetup from like a from tinder and you're like if you're there like because you don't want you
01:00:02.800
can't date someone too close to christmas because then it's awkward you have to go to each other's
01:00:05.940
house for the holidays but this is you showing up december 26th ready to get it in this is this is
0.98
01:00:11.740
literally the guy that stands in the corner watching his wife get fucked and this is the face he has
0.95
01:00:16.200
i don't know if i was like freshly divorced and like kind of later in the years and just i know
0.95
01:00:21.700
my times my clocks are ticking like i could see that like that's a stable dude like yeah maybe i
01:00:26.680
might find him physically attractive hey and clint you're you're actually wrong like dude i'm kind
01:00:33.600
of like a known like i don't know like bull kind of or like i'm a known bull
01:00:38.660
i would say you're an unknown bull you may not be familiar but i'm actually known as a lone wolf
0.99
01:00:56.280
in your bio toad known bull i'm a professional bull actually uh yeah i mean i would i would fuck
0.99
01:01:04.320
dave as long as long as he's willing to uh recite the entire intro to his show which he can't remember
0.99
01:01:10.440
so i don't know if i could get off but i'd be down uh for toad uh no i'm i'm not gonna fuck you toad
0.99
01:01:15.960
sorry uh chrissy go ahead this is tough because i know him and you know as a woman unfortunately
0.99
01:01:22.620
personality factors in too much so i would lean towards like yeah you know i've
01:01:30.100
i've hooked i've hooked up with like way worse looking dudes a lot of random crazy that's a good
01:01:37.340
one you know what i mean like i've hooked up with worse i've hooked up with way worse for way less
01:01:43.220
you know this is the best backhanded compliment i've ever heard in my life
0.97
01:01:47.740
she's nagging me right now i've fucked way uglier chicks i don't have a lot of information here like
1.00
01:01:55.140
i haven't stood next to you i don't know what you smell like i don't know what like you know what i
0.99
01:01:58.600
mean i don't know what the energy feels like uh so feels like cum there's a lot to be determined
0.50
01:02:04.580
that maybe that used to be the case clint but not anymore but you know what i like a man i like a
01:02:14.380
man who dresses up with a little bit of a dressy peacoat you know what i mean that says to me like
01:02:18.840
you care about your appearance like you look like you just showed up to like you know maybe your
0.99
01:02:22.780
girlfriend's house for the holidays you're like yeah i wore the fucking peacoat what do you want
0.99
01:02:26.160
for me you know this was actually a family event on christmas eve so it was it was very incestuous
0.99
01:02:32.900
actually this is why i wore why fuck some dude's wife it for real it for real looks like he's walking
1.00
01:02:37.840
in to service someone i swear to god oh my god and as he watches some his wife gets fucked the pom-pom
1.00
01:02:44.000
goes from here to you it sinks down all right jose i'm i'm very i'm anxiously awaiting your response
0.99
01:02:53.560
on this oh i already said no i'm not fucking that i mean but okay well i gave the caveat that if i'm
0.96
01:02:59.800
like a woman who's like later in the years the times the clocks are ticking wait what's later in years
1.00
01:03:05.200
i mean i don't know it's subjective i don't know it's it depends on the woman and their life goals i
0.60
01:03:09.960
don't fucking know like if her if her biological clock is louder than her capacity to think oh
1.00
01:03:17.200
that is that is the orgies man that is the picture of dependable right there that's what that is as a
0.99
01:03:23.360
woman in my eyes you see that and you go that dude is like probably got a bunch of money saved up
01:03:28.380
brother you kind of look at my brother that's probably why i don't have a strong reaction
01:03:31.820
why are we all talking about incest now cole's not even here god i enjoy this so much
01:03:40.360
it's not a hard no this is probably a situational yes yeah see that's what i'm saying too 12 shots
0.99
01:03:46.520
if i was a chick i would totally have fucked worse so
1.00
01:03:52.740
just for the the composition of this photo yeah no it makes sense i agree so much of it is like
01:04:03.440
uh a bulletproof vest and a winter hat yeah it's gay i suppose i don't know i mean knowing the guy
01:04:11.040
personally yes the photo is really fucks it up but knowing the guy if i was a girl i think i think he'd
0.99
01:04:17.160
be a good good boyfriend slash fuck or you know whatever like i know he's a nice guy you know
0.99
01:04:22.600
i mean he's known to have a magic dick so you know it's like you love your friends yet why aren't
1.00
01:04:28.100
they in the picture with you you know it's because it's because my this is a screenshot of one of my
0.99
01:04:32.980
girlfriends from back in san diego who posted on instagram and said that oh okay and she asked me
01:04:38.940
to pose for the record i did not want to do this sure i wanted to show her my bulletproof vest and
01:04:44.660
then she wanted me to pose she's like can you pose like you're getting fisted and you and you
0.85
01:04:48.860
kind of enjoy it i mean as dudes in relationships though like pretty much all the pictures we have
01:04:53.960
are of like our women took of us so like like the picture you'll see of me is a picture my wife took
0.94
01:04:59.440
of me and literally i sent to the group like hey there's like four pictures every single one of us
0.98
01:05:03.480
one my wife took for me because i don't take pictures of myself because i don't give a shit
0.94
01:05:06.740
yeah guys don't take photos i have i have no photos that are solo like this is like the one
0.98
01:05:12.580
it actually kind of looks like clint is taking a shit in this photo who says i'm not well that
0.80
01:05:20.680
makes it just even more of a yes man thank you here's a good one we got one yes
0.97
01:05:26.860
this is clint's unknown bowl this is actually this is perfect craigslist ad
01:05:34.680
this is why i wear the bulletproof vest because you never know when the guy's going to turn on
01:05:38.880
you yeah that's right it's not a bullproof vest so good one well clint i have to be consistent and
0.99
01:05:46.120
i believe on a previous episode i said that i would fuck you but not marry you i believe was that right
0.99
01:05:50.600
no no you said you would marry me for the money oh yeah you're right i did say that did i say i
1.00
01:05:55.960
wouldn't fuck you am i being honestly clint is good fuck material date material marry material honestly
1.00
01:06:00.840
no thank you jose christy's gonna lie i love my homies your honesty clint is grown wait you really
1.00
01:06:08.540
think i'm lying that's how out of control your ego is you can't understand someone not saying yes
0.79
01:06:13.900
immediately you're fucking wrong no it's not it's not that it's not that you you had to say yes it's
0.97
01:06:18.820
that you instantly said no which makes me feel like you don't be insulting my boy i was very turned
0.96
01:06:25.060
off by the the composition of the photo because it says a lot it says i'm buff but i'm fun and quirky
01:06:32.160
that's what it says no it says i want you to think i'm buff fun and quirky no it says i don't take
01:06:37.580
myself seriously yeah okay i don't know i think it's cute god damn it thank you the emojis are questionable
0.51
01:06:45.700
man it's kind of uh yeah the emojis are a little it has touched too much it's a very do it it's a
0.59
01:06:50.880
feminine quality you can thank my friend elise i'll shut her out since she constantly asked me
0.98
01:06:57.320
to shut her out elise took that photo all right i just wanted to show her the bulletproof vest and
01:07:00.920
she was like hey we need to do a photo shoot and i was like okay and i assume there's nothing under
01:07:07.600
that bulletproof vest other than no yeah of course not no other than your body i was i was going for
01:07:17.200
my best 50 cent impersonation yeah 50 you're a little shade you can't rap as well as he can so
0.98
01:07:24.780
no i can't i don't know i mean fuck uh like but he seems like he'd be a great boyfriend husband
0.97
01:07:32.580
cheerio jay he's just like a big sweet teddy bear like i don't know and he'd just be fun and like but
0.96
01:07:37.820
not like mean i was hoping that these were all gonna be people i didn't know they're all people you
01:07:44.560
do now these are all people i know yeah i don't know him personally i just know he gives me a big
01:07:52.040
teddy bear vibe and he just seems like he'd be a fun guy to be around i think he's one of the funniest
0.72
01:07:55.900
people on the planet and for that reason alone i would fuck him but i don't want to no i mean it's
0.99
01:08:00.980
a woman though like i could that would be a great relationship as a woman i think personally but that's
1.00
01:08:04.520
just me maybe he's an asshole i know i've listened to the legion of skanks for too many years to like
1.00
01:08:08.640
actually want to fuck him because he talks about how tiny his dick is and he talks about being a
1.00
01:08:14.260
philanderer and and i just i can't philanderer yeah what do you mean don't use your college words on
1.00
01:08:20.040
this uh like cheat cheats a lot oh okay well that changes things he looked like a loyal tubby you
01:08:26.680
know like because he'd be like you know i'm you know i'm slumming for you he's done a lot of three
0.99
01:08:30.980
ways exactly if i'm gonna fuck a dude i want him to be loyal you know yeah you you can be a uh
0.99
01:08:36.960
philanthropic philanderer all right because it's one of those things like if you're a chick you're
0.99
01:08:41.060
like i'm slumming a little bit but like you seem like a sweetie the thing is like you're funny but
01:08:45.740
that fucks it all up he's tall which is good he never if he dressed like this all the time that
01:08:50.880
would be like so many yeses so many more yeses in his direction but he doesn't he wears like a hoodie
0.91
01:08:55.580
and fingerless gloves which is like weird uh weird style again he looks like my brother in the face
0.55
01:09:02.200
like if i'm pretending i don't know him he looks like the kind of guy that like loves to go down
01:09:06.920
on a woman like has his mail forwarded down to a woman's cooch like that's how much he looks like
0.78
01:09:12.480
he loves it um why why does your brother is your brother like known to be uh go downtown type no no
01:09:20.540
no those are two separate thoughts like okay okay in the face he looks like my brother period next
01:09:25.180
sentence okay i actually know my my sister-in-law told me that like my brother never goes down on her
01:09:34.360
and i was like please stop it like i don't i can't hear any more of this so and i was like it
01:09:38.820
made total sense because my you know i mean like uh brother's kind of like a lazy dude so it makes
01:09:45.380
sense um what a weird way to think of your brother uh anyway the point is he's tall which is good
01:09:52.280
he doesn't dress well which for me is a negative um but yeah being funny definitely helps and i think
01:09:59.480
he would be like very again if i didn't know him he'd be like very complimentary and like charming
01:10:03.480
and funny and that's how he would get in um yeah being tall probably probably helps him out
01:10:08.620
he gets a hell of a lot of women so he's got to be doing something right he does i mean he's called
01:10:14.200
he's got a girlfriend oh never mind i know but like he's i mean the way they talk about it it's
01:10:19.400
like he just has threesome after threesome so he's well he asks everything he asks a lot he asked me if i
01:10:25.720
wanted to do one yeah okay if he's asking everybody then yeah maybe that's not is that
01:10:31.260
is that what you mean when you say philander or clint you're saying he has no no no he's legit
01:10:35.240
known for cheating because that changes the math for me it's it's both he has lots of threesomes
01:10:39.860
with his girlfriends but then he's also admitted that when he was on the road a lot he would cheat
01:10:44.500
on his girlfriend's yeah oh well it's on the road that's different you know
01:10:48.320
i don't know the cheating thing would probably throw off the math for me like i was already
01:10:55.460
on the road it's a permanent hall pass man everybody knows that toad so what's your answer
01:11:00.040
here no because he's a smoker yeah yeah actually i'm with toad that smoking is a big no-no that's
01:11:08.020
actually a legit thing even now like even when i've i've dipped in like vapes for like a long time
01:11:13.740
and been off and on and stuff but even then cigarettes are just gross so as a chick it's so hard
01:11:19.080
it's so hard to like separate what you know about a person like if i saw him no cigarette i'd be like
01:11:23.640
oh maybe but it's like you can't i can't not know about like the cheating stuff and the you know
01:11:29.140
so i kissed a girl at a bar at a bar a couple years ago and she had been a cigarette smoker and i i
01:11:35.800
hadn't kissed someone that smoked in since i was like in high school it is horrific it is so so bad
0.99
01:11:42.220
so yeah well yeah sorry jay i love you jay if you come on tower gang i will fuck you but otherwise
0.99
01:11:47.180
one of the funniest comics one of the best in the game so funny if you weren't a dirty cheater i
1.00
01:11:53.080
would have fuck you so you know just if you watch this but that's bridge too far well he's he's a
1.00
01:11:58.640
smoker and he's huge so i think it would be like sticking my dick in a chimney or something why do
1.00
01:12:03.760
you keep thinking that the concept here is if you were a chick why do you keep wanting to fuck these
1.00
01:12:07.560
dudes no i have to assume the dominant position man but even if he's a chick he still has this brain
1.00
01:12:15.520
all right all right here's cole this is this is fat dave fat dave i don't know this is like a week or
0.77
01:12:22.900
two boyfriend is all i can see yeah you know like not my style not my style i need facial hair i need
01:12:30.060
body hair i need bulk i need shoulders like he he just looks like oh you need facial hair and shoulders
01:12:36.460
instant no i'll never forgive you uh cole cole is i mean other than the fact that in all of his
0.70
01:12:45.380
i mean he does look sweet here but he looks sweet as in like like you go oh like that type of sweet
01:12:52.380
where you're like because he comes in he looks like a tutor you know he looks like somebody i would
01:12:57.540
oh no no no no no he's he's the guy that needs a tutor he's the guy that walks in and everyone goes
1.00
01:13:03.400
like oh he's so nice you know he's like all they ever say is nice nice things because he's so stupid
0.99
01:13:08.060
he looks like he's about to cry because his grandfather just died so i will stay though with
0.96
01:13:13.840
this picture like it doesn't do him justice i've met him in person and like knowing him and seeing
01:13:19.300
a picture no homo if i was a chick like cole is a great dude like i know he's like younger yeah
0.83
01:13:27.440
he's younger so he's a little bit crazy but he's definitely like probably the dependable guy of
0.99
01:13:31.540
like whatever pack he runs with as a younger guy i i would totally fuck him as a chick this picture
0.98
01:13:37.860
does not do him justice he has the same problem you disagree i agree i agree with everything else
0.98
01:13:43.760
he's a thick boy i agree with everything else you said about him other than that he looks better in
01:13:48.200
person he does in this photo i think this is a great photo of him well he looks better in this
01:13:51.760
photo in the context of like a 19 year old good looking dude which is like i don't know that's just
01:13:57.720
like who wants that i could snap him in two in this photo yeah if he's if he's 17 in this photo
0.89
01:14:02.680
i'd fuck him if he's 19 i'm not interested in the polo team here whereas in real life that's not him
0.99
01:14:08.340
you know he's a little bit he's like he's someone who used to be captain of the polo team now but
0.99
01:14:12.720
and then beefed up a little bit in this he looks like he's on the cheerleading team but
01:14:17.840
it's also kind of it's also kind of weird because he's actually bulkier than this now but in this
01:14:22.380
picture he looks like a dyke oh yeah it looks like he plays for the women's olympic soccer team
1.00
01:14:28.900
no i i mean when i say thick boy though i mean it in the best possible way like if i was a chick
0.99
01:14:34.260
i would feel safe with cole he's a thick boy he's dirty he looks like you fuck someone up if it
0.99
01:14:38.540
needs to but not in like an overly like he's trying to overcompensate for something kind of
0.98
01:14:42.880
thing you know but yeah i don't know cole's a great guy i love cole yeah make it happen cole
0.99
01:14:48.140
good one yes i'd fuck you cole i'm still a yes on this again not a hard note it would it's like an
0.99
01:14:57.360
immediate okay not my not my favorite uh it would this would come down to personality and sense of
0.99
01:15:04.160
humor and i guess income and height he's not tall he's not like seven probably he has the rest of
01:15:12.380
those as long as you're taller than me that's all that matters i'm i'm like five three so oh i don't need a
01:15:17.540
lot and i i'm a hard yes for anybody that's in tower gang so a very hard yes same okay i don't know
0.80
01:15:29.280
this person is that a cat in his pocket yes that's amazing it's a pussy pocket i like the tattoos i like
0.98
01:15:38.460
the arms i like the facial hair yeah i would say yes hell yeah that's me
1.00
01:15:44.920
i feel like i got tricked that's me damn that was an honest reaction weird as shit that you
0.96
01:15:56.540
couldn't recognize yeah it was like literally all of you and i was like well i guess this is a new
0.97
01:16:01.760
person i'm a chonky boy dude your hair you like that all the time yeah i don't know my hair goes
01:16:10.040
through phases i'll bring it back i've been too lazy to like do it up all nice lately but you know
01:16:14.820
so jose does have the bulk even though he is short yeah yeah that may factor into you don't know how
01:16:22.140
tall i am i'm like five six so that works yeah you don't look short in this photo that's what i would
01:16:29.040
i would i would rather go hunting with him but i would
01:16:39.640
obviously i'm surprised no one took an easy slam of the cat in the bag but i feel like the contrast
01:16:49.320
of like the manly backdrop and the attire like makes it so it's like impervious like
01:16:55.080
you just came down like you could have been crawling up a tree to get that cat like we don't
01:17:00.800
know the story there right it looks like you're just out in the woods and the cat just kind of went
01:17:04.880
to you yes so you saved the cat yeah and maybe the cat is wounded and uh yeah it's like this should
0.99
01:17:12.320
be the cover of like agorist monthly my wife literally took a picture like you look so fucking
1.00
01:17:18.780
hot right now let me take a picture it should be an entire calendar oh i didn't even see the
01:17:24.800
wedding ring okay that would have factored in the whole idea is we're ignoring those type of
01:17:30.420
things it fucks up the whole thing oh so like men yeah exactly okay yeah i don't like i said when
0.69
01:17:36.460
you're on the road it doesn't count just kidding i've been faithful i've been married my wife for 10
0.97
01:17:40.800
years i love her she's great but no she is fucking awesome i love my wife but let's go let's go all
01:17:51.440
right let's do it oh god that's not we're in a part of the problem shirt gotta respect that that's
0.99
01:18:01.160
true i mean i'd fuck lewis i mean as a chick you know i feel like he's a solid like fuck maybe like
1.00
01:18:09.020
a short-term boyfriend you know i'd fuck him but i'd rather fight him as a chick
1.00
01:18:14.520
no i don't have to i don't have to choose that's a good point um but yeah no i would really like to
0.99
01:18:22.920
fight lewis because like i've seen him fight and he's trained a lot he's trained like pretty
01:18:28.320
consistently for the past two years and i just don't like his stand-up i don't like it at all and
01:18:33.480
i really want to test myself you guys hear that he called you out called you out everyone go share
0.93
01:18:37.840
this i know i honestly like i because i've never trained jujitsu i feel like he'd fucking demolish
0.97
01:18:44.720
me on the ground but i have to be stronger than him and i'm taller so and i definitely could fucking
0.98
01:18:51.580
piece him up with the fist so i don't know i don't know it would be a good fight yeah we didn't
0.81
01:18:57.300
argue in the group chat about this the other day because someone said to me like i don't know how
01:19:01.040
that it started but they're like lewis would wreck you and i was like no like i mean i'm not saying
0.93
01:19:06.160
i'd win or even that i would lose i just but he wouldn't make me look foolish by any goddamn means
1.00
01:19:13.000
that was cool i think yeah i think it was me
1.00
01:19:19.200
it might have been you like speak for yourself pussy
0.99
01:19:22.040
if you've seen him fight it ain't that impressive i'm just saying lewis i love you buddy i do but
0.99
01:19:28.300
you've been ducking me after saying you come on liberty lockdown for like four months so now i
0.96
01:19:32.060
gotta shoot my shot i gotta piss you off you up i gotta piss you off so you can come on maybe he's
1.00
01:19:38.140
busy i know he's busy i'm just fucking around busy training mma and i'm challenging him to a fight
1.00
01:19:44.600
this is not intelligent of me i'm gonna have to say yes on this one but for the reason that in fucker
0.99
01:19:51.100
duck you have to take like the person you think is the most dominant and make them your bitch so i'm
1.00
01:19:55.840
gonna do that to lewis okay okay i like it it's not gonna be a winning strategy for you but
1.00
01:20:02.320
jose go ahead he might be oh i said i'd fuck him i said he's a good he's a solid fuck and probably
0.99
01:20:08.740
maybe like a short-term boyfriend you know that'd be it's if i was a chick you know he's like he's
1.00
01:20:13.000
like the definition of a short-term boyfriend because he's puerto rican so obviously you're not
01:20:17.180
gonna marry him yeah you don't bring him to family he's obviously not gonna take care of his
0.97
01:20:21.180
kids even though he's a great father uh he's a great dad i'm just fucking around i think he's
0.96
01:20:29.360
hilarious i i completely um like idolize his business acumen especially as someone who doesn't
01:20:36.340
have any professional training for it i'm blown away like genuinely deeply blown away that that he
01:20:42.640
has created gas digital from thin air and made it into such a fucking serious entity and i i can't help
0.97
01:20:49.400
but respect the hustle so yeah lewis i would fuck you there is something dope when you see somebody
0.99
01:20:54.140
with like a ghetto hustle that makes it big you're like that's fucking pretty dope like you took these
0.99
01:20:58.280
rules you learned on the fucking streets and made it fucking happen like i don't know there's so cool
0.99
01:21:02.040
about that i love it wait did chrissy answer is she fucking oh shit no we didn't we didn't answer
0.99
01:21:08.960
oh shit again yeah i very much respect the hustle he's and it's hard for me to like pretend i don't
0.99
01:21:14.400
know him he's a great guy he i think he does right by people he's a really hard worker i think he's
0.97
01:21:20.100
funny and like a really good dude um but like just on looks alone like i'm gonna say no it would
01:21:28.900
have to be come down to situational oh man i think it's attractive dude but you clearly have a type
01:21:33.840
that picture didn't do him justice though but no these are not good pictures no i well yeah i had
01:21:38.140
kind of a mix of uh the pictures this is the best picture though i thought christian was an
0.98
01:21:41.620
immediate no on lewis though so whoops my dick's already hard good is a raw masculine sexuality of
0.98
01:21:48.360
like i don't know like i can't he's not like what the conventional attractive but something about him
0.99
01:21:53.500
just exudes manliness i don't know it's like that looks like like you see that homeless guy and
0.99
01:22:00.480
i've never had that thought that's awesome
0.99
01:22:06.300
i usually want to remove them from whatever whatever like location i don't know why i don't
01:22:13.600
know why guys that don't have like you have to have a great body to take a photo like this it's like if
01:22:19.300
you don't have a great body just focus on your face your shoulders you enclose you know what i mean
01:22:25.400
like i don't i just don't understand like i mean if you were gonna put this on your dating profile i
01:22:29.660
just wouldn't i wouldn't choose this as to be like this is who i am world um i don't know i don't
01:22:36.400
mean to come off maybe i'm just the tevas are sending me back to the early 90s i don't know i
01:22:41.020
just see this and i see like as a woman be like come with me and we'll go into the woods and make a
0.99
01:22:45.220
family and fucking survive off my fucking wilderness skills okay i'm in i think this is this is just
0.99
01:22:51.640
chrissy's new york background because a chicken fucking arkansas would see this photo and be like
1.00
01:22:56.900
pouring really no i need i need either more chest or i either need more muscles or more body hair
0.96
01:23:05.560
because this is offering me neither i don't know i just see that i see like a functional body like
01:23:10.440
that dude it gets that dude can fucking like fix my car like you know i mean like that dude's
0.96
01:23:17.600
and i can barely see his face i don't like that i can't really see his face zoom in dude zoom you
0.93
01:23:23.260
know can i zoom it i don't know if i don't fucking know i assume this is like an ncis show
0.94
01:23:27.580
you're supposed to just fucking do it okay you're a tech guy i don't think you can do it in the
0.95
01:23:31.600
middle of a powerpoint i love that he's a computer programmer and he's like zoom zoom how do you do
1.00
01:23:36.600
that enhance enhance uh i could potentially do it afterwards maybe i would i would obviously fuck
0.89
01:23:43.660
reed again this is a maybe okay that's fair i would like him to work on his shoulders a little
0.93
01:23:49.460
bit i'm feeling as if they're not a thick boy enough for me um jose is really kind of the total
01:23:55.580
package it's amazing given that i i love reed with all of my heart and i have ejaculated him hundreds
01:24:01.400
of times but uh jose is more of a stereotypical guy if you were a chick i'm your ideal dude that's
0.91
01:24:11.240
i am blushing there's nothing gay about it because i know the type of girls that i would
0.85
01:24:17.220
like to be with so it's not weird to be like oh yeah i know what i would like if i was a christy
01:24:21.320
how do you feel about ashton you mean like if i would or wouldn't yeah yeah i would yeah
01:24:28.740
what's weird is that reed is like soaking wet in this picture and his hair just looks like it always
01:24:37.360
does i think it's because he gets out of the shower like he gets out of the truck gets in the
01:24:43.160
shower gets on mic like i think every time that's why his hair always looks wet i could be totally
01:24:47.180
he looks like he likes to go kayaking yes and i am a yes obviously because i've already slept with
01:24:54.160
reed so cool sorry sorry clint no it's okay dude we can share i don't own him that's true except for
01:25:02.920
in the bedroom there's enough reed to go around indeed that's that's why he's a truck driver
01:25:11.340
it's his cover for being that's right the biggest gigolo oh look at the puppy now this uh this is top
01:25:19.560
lobster by the way all of our artwork yeah top lobster and reed are probably my ideal dudes
01:25:26.800
he looks like he can dance he looks like he can build that's racist he can build
01:25:32.700
it feels like he can wash dishes really rapidly it looks like he can fix my roof
01:25:39.720
this guy's definitely a worker i feel like he would do manual labor for minimum wage or less
0.99
01:25:45.440
he'd still fuck me even if i got really fat
0.99
01:25:53.680
jesus christ you can tell he has style he cares about his appearance just from his haircut alone
01:25:59.740
like the attention to detail there um he's like yeah latino so he's a little bit of a smooth boy
01:26:05.680
not a ton of body hair but it works because he can back it up with upper body uh i would say yes and
01:26:12.140
it's an absolute yes because of the dog so hell yeah i've met him in person and he is a sweet piece
01:26:17.960
of meat i'll give him that well all right he's like really jacked in this picture i think i think
01:26:23.380
was back when he was training more because he's not as jacked now he's still a thick boy and like
0.95
01:26:28.360
the like like cole is like thick and like the ass and the legs so he's like sturdy top is like thick
0.99
01:26:35.280
all over like he's like dude this guy this is the guy who can fuck some people up like yeah he's a
0.98
01:26:40.840
he's got to be light though he looks like he's like 160 pounds i don't know man i think he's like
01:26:45.740
met him in person i feel like he's like 185 really wow yeah i personally i met him in person
01:26:50.640
too with you i don't know man i i feel like i don't know maybe maybe we're wrong i know we'll
01:26:55.260
ask him later maybe you hugged him a little deeper than i did i don't know i gotta i got up in there
0.98
01:26:59.640
i'm like dude you're fucking solid dog uh yeah i would definitely fucked up just to try and convince
1.00
01:27:04.880
him that like the libertarian party is the way to go um because he hates it so much i know i i would
0.99
01:27:10.300
mad i fucking pulled him to my side yeah i'm not mad it's it's hilarious honestly because he does
0.94
01:27:15.300
all the artwork for all the libertarian people so uh trash is on yeah it's great i think i think
1.00
01:27:21.980
that i would i mean it's a given that i would fuck him he's he's raw sexual appeal after i would be
0.99
01:27:27.900
done with him he'd be bottom lobster now i'm i'm gonna definitely have to be a yes because i think
1.00
01:27:34.920
i hugged him deeper than any of you did so deep that our penis is touched
0.99
01:27:38.420
ew i'm gonna be a yes yes who was it that did the the foreskin water balloon cum
0.99
01:27:50.380
oh i think top but it was like toad who started it i think i don't know god that was such a weird
0.99
01:27:56.220
thing i talked about taking the foreskin and wrapping the dick with it and turning it into a
1.00
01:28:01.060
condom that i think that's what it was yeah i still think about that almost every day
0.98
01:28:04.940
clever it's it's one of the weirdest things i miss it
01:28:10.380
or you pull it out a lot and then and then it's floor skin because it touches the floor
01:28:17.100
dude i i've said on the show before i got circumcised when i was like i don't know probably
0.89
01:28:22.740
like nine ten ten or some shit like that like so there's like it's worse that i have memories
0.78
01:28:28.240
of it and i'm like dude like i could have jumped rope i could all sorts of stuff it's like you
01:28:32.920
know why'd they wait and why'd they do it i don't i don't know it was weird i don't know what the
01:28:38.160
fuck my parents were weirdly religious but they weren't very much when i was younger and then when
01:28:41.660
i got older and i was a bedwetter and like i don't know i don't think the science was very much
0.99
01:28:46.160
in at that time and they were like oh i've heard this helps with it and like where'd you get that
01:28:49.980
reference the old testament they're like we're gonna we're gonna mangle this kid because he
0.83
01:28:54.260
wets the bed sometimes like that'll be a pee would keep getting stuck in your foreskin you know when
0.97
01:29:01.940
you like um when you need to decide what to do when you have a yellow light and you don't just run
0.95
01:29:06.920
through it or you don't like completely stop but you like kind of stop and then decide to still go
01:29:11.180
through it that's what my parents did uh when they circumcised me when i was three oh how many more
01:29:17.540
do we have to because i do want to be respectful i'm not how much time she has one or two okay hit
01:29:22.640
it hit it hit it hit it oh my god it's me what happened i don't know man i could probably think
01:29:35.100
of a situation but it's a it's a it's a very specific situation i'm gonna go to the gym tomorrow
01:29:41.220
morning that's what's gonna in fact i'm gonna be there all day that's a solid end of the night
01:29:48.980
you're fucking plastered you're like i don't even then you're like i don't know yeah this is like this
0.97
01:29:55.820
person should not be in this outfit like she should be she should have like a tasteful v-neck
0.99
01:30:01.260
she should you know just be a great conversationalist this girl has to be funny because there's no way
1.00
01:30:07.840
i guarantee you this girl is a phenomenal lay a phenomenal oh she will give you i'm not joking
0.98
01:30:15.100
the blowjob of your lifetime to make up for for just how she was raised how you know she was kind
0.99
01:30:23.000
of a late bloomer she was approved for a long time but then really hit her stride and like i'm telling
0.99
01:30:28.120
you a life-changing blowjob i've never got a blowjob from a grandma but i'm i'm considering it with this
0.99
01:30:34.780
photo i uh i like how yeah asking christy this question is asking would you masturbate basically
1.00
01:30:43.340
i'm gonna be a i'm gonna be a yes but i'm gonna put on the the beer goggles oh thank god
0.97
01:30:49.420
even that's even that's not that much better oh that's a lot better
01:30:53.680
i don't know don't don't deprecate yourself i will say i actually listened to your recent episode on
01:30:59.100
keith knight show and you were like kind of i know you brought up something like you were talking
01:31:02.640
about like making fun of other people's appearance you're like well i don't know if i'm not really
01:31:05.220
quite there i'm not really trying to like fillet you here but like i like thick broads and i'm not
0.97
01:31:11.320
saying you're like thick in like a fat way no i like it i like acid titties and like as long as the
0.97
01:31:16.700
hourglass is maintained the bigger you can get while maintaining the hourglass like more props to you
0.97
01:31:21.380
that's that's like a lot of men as long as you're like it's still proportional yeah um it's it's all good
01:31:27.840
yeah i don't know i know uh clint here and then i know reed who's not here they like twigs
01:31:32.920
but you know ashton's kind of the exception for him uh you know i think he's starting to get to
01:31:37.440
the point where he's starting to think about breeding because like that hourglass is like
1.00
01:31:40.640
that shit's breedable like dude fuck yeah yeah the babies just fall out of you when you have big hips
1.00
01:31:46.280
you guys are uh are like in opposition to like biological imperative here i think like a man should
1.00
01:31:53.640
want a woman like a woman with some hips you know like she needs to be child i don't even necessarily
1.00
01:31:58.020
like washboard abs like personally like and like like don't worry i don't want to be tricked to be
01:32:02.160
fat but i don't mind if there's a little a little bit like i don't even necessarily want definition
01:32:06.580
there but like not like fat like but as long as you have like hourglass like hell yeah i'm all for
01:32:11.120
it let's go anytime a guy or girl if your body is like too perfect it's like i look at that and i go
0.99
01:32:16.080
okay the lifestyle that that is behind that is gonna be something that's gonna be a pain in the ass like
1.00
01:32:21.760
like i can't fuck a guy who doesn't eat bread i can't fuck a guy who like won't have a beer once
1.00
01:32:27.180
in a while like that's just like if you look at somebody like oh your body is so good that i know
0.99
01:32:31.360
you're not gonna be any fun it kind of ruins it ashton is like that's right like the the apex of
01:32:38.720
breedable she is her body is insane so she's put on like 10 pounds she'd be right there where i'm at
1.00
01:32:45.660
you know she i believe she is she commented earlier so hopefully she's hearing this you are very
01:32:50.880
breedable ashton go whisper it into her ear she's she's getting back on uh put a baby in you
0.98
01:32:59.060
i i'm more with jose on this and i do like uh women who are shorter than i am as well which kind of
1.00
01:33:05.700
limits the field as well i'm gonna be a yes oh thanks wow wrong yes yeah so i mean already seeing
01:33:12.120
as ashton is listening uh it's a hard no i'm sorry christian but uh to have the to have the audacity
01:33:18.280
to take a photo like this it just just says a lot you know it's like who who takes pictures
01:33:23.720
like this you know it's for the armpit fetishists out there i mean well well me as a as a uh as a
01:33:29.780
happily married man who loves his wife who who isn't jealous at all in any way shape and form
01:33:34.220
because we have a healthy relationship i'm all for it you know and who poses like this constantly
01:33:38.600
all the time that's right this is this is his pose so yeah yeah that's right that is the jose pose i
01:33:48.380
don't know what happened i used to do this a lot but then you guys made me self-conscious i like it
01:33:52.220
work do it i used to do because i used to do this a lot because it's just comfortable it's like a
01:33:56.320
stretch and everyone like gave me shit for it so no we weren't giving you shit i love it dude well
0.93
01:34:00.520
i don't know if i just like sub i didn't ever like consciously be like stop but i stopped over time i
0.99
01:34:06.520
don't know what maybe it's just subconsciously you guys get fucked with me and every now and
0.99
01:34:09.860
then people are like jose's pits and i'm like okay i'm i'll do my whore thing for you that's a whore
0.99
01:34:16.880
pose i don't know it's weird when they're like asking for it you're like you know what it is you
0.97
01:34:22.020
know what it is it's all like it's part of the subliminal like man woman body language anytime
0.80
01:34:26.040
a woman like shows her neck or like this it's like you're showing oh my god i'm sweating you're
0.99
01:34:31.340
showing like you're showing like you're vulnerable like someone could bite you and kill you like
01:34:37.000
you're showing showing like you're vulnerable parts it's like a dog showing you its belly it's like
01:34:41.560
it's a it's like non-rebel communication like i'm vulnerable come attack me you know i want i want to
0.99
01:34:48.520
fucking take advantage of that vulnerability and fucking put my face in them pits uh christy christy if
0.99
01:34:54.300
you could if you could tell us uh how people can follow you i'd appreciate it catch me at the
1.00
01:35:03.400
no you can't use that because that gives you cancer oh shit you gotta do um i'm obviously the
1.00
01:35:12.100
shit that i'm using that doesn't work but it doesn't give you cancer cancer holy shit yeah
0.99
01:35:17.120
there's aluminum in antiperspirant which is a carcinogen but you all knew that um yes check
0.99
01:35:24.500
out the christy mayer podcast on itunes youtube spotify soundcloud actually tomorrow i am hosting
01:35:30.080
for the anthony cumia show on compound media so you can watch me there 4 to 6 p.m i think josh denny
01:35:37.880
is uh zooming in also dean will be a guest i think jim norton is gonna come by incredible
01:35:43.860
and then i'm gonna be doing stand-up at the at uh with comedians of the compound in levital long
01:35:51.260
island february 26 i'll be at the wormhole in savannah georgia march 19th side splitters in tampa
01:35:58.180
florida march 20th and yeah i just recorded an album it's probably gonna be called live from
01:36:04.500
january 6th it'll probably come out sometime next month um yeah i don't have details for that yet
01:36:10.780
but yeah this is fun for those that uh have listened to us talk shit about female comics and i stand by
01:36:17.400
that most female comics are dog shit christy's actually very good and and i really hope you
0.95
01:36:21.480
guys go out and see her live she is well worth it and and i'm saying this all despite the fact that
0.99
01:36:25.880
she knee-jerk will not fuck me so that means i really mean it well i had to say that because i'm
0.97
01:36:31.120
friends with ashton that's fair that's fair it's also like i can't it's like it's weird like if it's
0.99
01:36:37.620
a friend of like a a guy that a friend of mine has been with it's like a permanent no
01:36:42.360
oh that's okay yeah i i that's actually very respectable of you and stunning in a way uh i'm
01:36:48.800
going to uh instead of doing my plugs i'm just going to tell you guys go to top lobster.com
01:36:54.160
pick up shirts like this pick up shirts for liberty lockdown oh i ended up plugging myself pick up
01:36:59.080
beanies pick up fucking no way jose merch pick up natural scapulist merch pick up break the cycle
0.97
01:37:03.780
merch pick it up go ahead toad do it all yeah uh anarcho toad on twitter obviously tower power hour and as
0.87
01:37:11.880
usual we have no idea what our show is going to be next week so perfect yeah and and uh no way jose
0.92
01:37:17.640
that's my show uh fucking you can follow me uh on twitter at 2020 no way jose i believe uh my
0.98
01:37:24.500
obviously my shit's on youtube uh all the major podcasters odyssey all that shit i think i have my
0.99
01:37:29.380
uh episode i just did with keith knight on the john hasness chapter of the anarchist handbook
0.97
01:37:34.040
dropping uh tomorrow i believe and uh yeah i and then next week my i'll be it'll be dropping i
01:37:41.520
finished my uh live reading series of agris primer if you want to go through all that so you
01:37:45.440
don't actually have to read like fucking rubes you can just listen to me talk about it um and
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01:37:50.160
yeah that's all i got um but let me let me make one last note i did an episode that's almost
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01:37:54.700
exclusively about uh my analysis of the financial situation we're in right now i get dms asking me
01:38:01.560
for this update constantly so fucking go listen to that episode because it dropped today and it gives
0.94
01:38:08.640
you a lot of a lot of answers very valuable information that will help you guys guide you
0.84
01:38:12.700
through the fucking rocky seas that we have in front of us thank you so much for coming on why
0.92
01:38:17.080
don't you have a podcast called when there's a jose there's a way i feel like it's a bit of a reach
0.95
01:38:23.240
uh no way jose is a little more brief a little more catchy you know uh get the the rhyming factor
01:38:28.120
it's brevity i don't know i like it but it's uh it's just i don't know it's not it's not good for
01:38:32.800
billing purposes for promotion i don't know something there maybe like a title i could use that for a title
01:38:37.360
that's good you could start a different podcast with will fight and call it where there's a will
01:38:41.660
there's a jose thank you that's great i'll pass that's so good that's so good all right thank you
01:38:50.460
guys for tuning in uh make sure you like comment share subscribe and we'll catch you next week