Tower Gang - Ep 58 - The Lower Half of Hillary w⧸ Adam Nutter & Neil Wood

00:00:00.000 what's up retards the funniest 9-11 jokes were written on 9-12 women jerk off dicks like 1.00

00:00:04.880 fucking they're an unruly ferret yeah you ever had a 9-11 cocktail it's in manhattan with two 1.00

00:00:12.160 kamikazes you see the socialists don't have an accurate answer for this and she needs to account 1.00

00:00:19.140 for it white women must be stopped that's right what we can stay horny and retarded longer than 1.00

00:00:27.440 she can stay sane what your ass ass to penis ratio man maybe you could say we had sex but we didn't 1.00

00:00:34.120 fuck oh jesus fat dave fuck you man what is up everybody is another episode of tower power 1.00

00:00:47.100 hour it's episode 58 we're coming along tonight we got toad as always recovered is actually making 1.00

00:00:53.080 appearance not just through plugs you're gonna be here the whole actually uh my show is naturalist

00:00:58.100 capitalist uh

00:00:59.760 uh there are two guests tonight from the cult of us podcast we got adam nutter and neil wood what's up

00:01:07.420 guys what up i was gonna make a point is my second appearance on the show jacob winograd zero for 0.99

00:01:12.700 jacob suck a dick jacob jacob if you want to come on this show you have to denounce your faith that's 1.00

00:01:20.980 the uh that's there we go yeah yeah yeah say jesus is gay on air and you can come on 1.00

00:01:25.800 dude i'm christian i just talk about uh yeah but you're not jacob winograd there's a difference

00:01:32.540 like i just talk about a variation of stigmata as well where you know jesus's hand holes are being 0.98

00:01:37.100 penetrated by dicks so that's extreme but yeah come on you know that song like i want to touch you 1.00

00:01:43.600 i want to see your face you know like there's some gay shit in christianity you got it oh no the old 1.00

00:01:49.420 uh he touched me is the best one i always liked yeah i don't remember these hits no because it's 0.99

00:01:54.960 yeah you're not christian yeah you're also remind you sorry guys i apologize i have to remind him

00:02:03.160 that he's stupid i have to do this all the time your name's adam nutter buddy everyone just reset 0.91

00:02:08.060 that you start the spot over again oh yeah sorry you're a comic sort of uh he does it for a living 0.99

00:02:16.200 it's not very much of a living but his wife his wife carries the finances it's 100 but what else

00:02:24.100 is she good for yeah she gets i mean she gets off at what three o'clock anyway so she's a teacher 0.99

00:02:29.980 yeah she gets off at three like she gets home at like five but she had two hours she's got to fuck 1.00

00:02:34.380 the kids then she's got yeah it's all it's all girl school so a lot of scissoring and friction 0.99

00:02:39.400 no you're not wrong you're probably the first hour is probably a lot of the scissor and then

00:02:44.200 the second hour has got to be at least just them kind of like just blowing oh i just figured they

00:02:50.200 were stopping the fire just kind of because the friction is so much so he's just she's just constantly

00:02:56.360 patting it out yeah that's true because they're all they're all puberty yet so there's no like wet

00:03:01.420 it's they're not wet like the only thing what are the teachers and about like 15 kids again i mean

00:03:06.040 you got nothing i mean you're you're spent i mean that's what takes two hours

00:03:09.500 now when she uh scissors the students does it create all the static electricity and then she 1.00

00:03:15.420 goes up to the chalkboard and gets like shocked hey listen i don't ask you all the details about

00:03:19.620 all the

00:03:20.160 he gets home she says she's tired i'm like go cook my dinner her hair's all weird like doc brown 0.82

00:03:25.800 and fucking back to the future well it's actually it's actually a lot like the movie shocker 0.86

00:03:29.940 unfortunately where a uh so this is a terrible bit 0.98

00:03:34.540 actually how a serial killer is actually infused into the friction it becomes static electricity

00:03:41.540 that is then transferred to the student so she unfortunately is making serial killer like 1.00

00:03:46.360 little people it's unfortunate it's a chucky scenario i'm sorry the only thing i can think of

00:03:51.080 you ever just bomb you ever just do a good bomb you guys just meet each other and you're just like 0.70

00:03:57.380 right wasn't this a dumb thing i started

00:03:59.040 i'll bail you out it was great you could have bailed out anytime and you didn't and i was hoping you

00:04:05.660 didn't so we could all point out that's great bomb that was coming and this was great about two 0.60

00:04:09.120 friends who do comedy together i could have bailed them out i could have i could have jumped in and 0.98

00:04:12.300 stopped it i was like watching this plane go down like little boy and fucking nagasaki dude 0.99

00:04:16.700 that was actually just the plot of it follows though or isn't that whole thing about like 0.96

00:04:23.380 people are fucking each other to transfer this like demon demonic possession or something like 0.97

00:04:29.060 that into each other it's a it's a ptsd serial killer or some shit like that wait this kind of 0.99

00:04:34.720 fits in with this kind of fits in with that poll i put out last week is like which is worse 0.92

00:04:39.540 or which is a bigger threat to america satanism or zionism and they were saying

00:04:43.580 it's the same thing and so the epstein ring you know with the static electricity putting the

00:04:48.860 demons and kids like this kind of like ties them both together if you think about it

00:04:52.920 it ties everything that we just talked about together yeah you guys got the q drops it's

00:04:58.400 on the q drops if you check it i check it every morning that's just like my morning

00:05:01.780 i check it every morning so i call them five minutes in we already solved everything we already

00:05:05.660 tied it all together yeah we tie it all together satanism and zionism and yeah right out of 0.98

00:05:11.240 frame you guys right you can't see this but adam and i basically our studio every other available

00:05:15.400 space that is out of frame is actually just all red string that we have done when you come the

00:05:22.280 ceiling is completely come you not no one knows this is something we never talk about real charlie 0.96

00:05:26.440 kelly situation yeah we've got a shot of what we think over here is hillary's pussies we're not 0.97

00:05:33.520 sure we think it is behind nail no no this is this is evidence yeah this is the only evidence 0.98

00:05:39.680 we're just she's actually not wearing a bikini that's how many strings there are like all the 1.00

00:05:44.880 red strings there's literally because that's what dudes with child pornography do they just put 0.99

00:05:49.840 strings up on the wall they're like see no this is evidence like this is a crime easy that you said

00:05:54.320 that because this half is adult this half is actually child oh it's an experimental poster oh i thought the

00:06:00.800 bottom half was actually hillary clinton oh yeah no no no i know it looks like as a child it's pretty 0.93

00:06:06.660 crazy it's sagging out of frame that's why you can't see it clinton's vagina is actually over here 1.00

00:06:10.800 it's actually purple it's weird i know again we're not 100 sure if it is hers or not we couldn't tell 0.99

00:06:16.240 we couldn't tell if it's hillary clinton's pussy or some just black person's lips we really couldn't 1.00

00:06:20.960 tell well that's interesting that's interesting because uh bill clinton actually fucked hillary clinton 1.00

00:06:26.140 when she was a child and never did when she was an adult no no no he he never had sexual relations 0.97

00:06:31.720 with that woman he was talking about hillary when he said that this is all just conspiracy theory if 0.99

00:06:38.960 we were being oh yeah this is all conspiracy theory we're trying to pin it it might not be your vagina 1.00

00:06:44.880 we're not sure we don't know we're working towards a goal here we need your help this is now if hillary 0.98

00:06:50.540 clinton did start an only fans how much would it need to be for you to be like i'll pay and watch

00:06:55.280 first of all one don't you guys think she already has an only fans but she doesn't know exact like

00:06:59.360 she tone deafness right she probably has one and just is having fun on it like she doesn't know what 1.00

00:07:03.760 she's like reading reading like fucking uh just her pr person remember is 65 0.96

00:07:10.380 right like i don't know who knows she's posting bakery tips and only fans 1.00

00:07:15.960 her only fans is actually her masturbating with a cigar like please bill please 0.98

00:07:20.760 it's just her holding up monica's dress like look what he did 0.99

00:07:25.460 look what he did like jesus wash it already god damn like you can still see the comb right there 0.97

00:07:32.520 if tide if tide had any balls they would do a commercial about that dress and how they can get 1.00

00:07:38.300 that dress easy easy now it's years said this is what neil and i talked about on uh cult too about

00:07:44.060 the bronco of course they missed an amazing opportunity it was the anniversary of the

00:07:48.500 murder murders

00:07:49.920 hold on i'm checking to the ceiling oh that's right we do have a whole section over here sorry

00:07:57.160 i'm checking the ceiling i forgot about that divergent okay keep going and they were gonna

00:08:01.180 drop like a whole like commercial run that weekend like new brought and they didn't because 0.99

00:08:05.440 the thing i was like you fucking idiot should have been like remember this how awesome that was 1.00

00:08:09.300 we're bringing it back yeah get away get away from the cops in a bronco lead fucking into it 1.00

00:08:15.780 don't want a fun road trip together gun gun to head that's how you know that uh oj was actually 0.99

00:08:23.300 white because a black man would be out running the cops at a much higher rate of speed 0.98

00:08:27.260 that was a good one toad so people i've seen people activated his eyebrows it was alarming 0.94

00:08:36.840 i just don't i haven't seen enough of you i apologize i just wasn't ready for that

00:08:41.920 as soon as your eyebrows dipped and did anything crazy above your classes i was like this is this is

00:08:47.540 i'm done actually i can't by the way that's not his eyebrows that's just the last semblance of a

00:08:51.340 hairline it's just really low it's just i mean i feel because i all i had to shave my head because

00:08:56.920 i was thinning that's why i buzzed my head yeah i have i just never seen you with uh with the hat

00:09:01.980 off goddamn right when toad's eyebrows start going adam walks up to him uh like like uh what's 0.70

00:09:09.300 a black widow and like walking up to the hulk like sun's getting real low yeah 0.97

00:09:13.160 he's gotta come up and like brush the hand and do that and like yeah it's all right buddy calm 0.64

00:09:20.240 those eyebrows down toad's getting real angry toad smash toad smash toad smash 1.00

00:09:27.120 toad smash toad's pussy's purple 1.00

00:09:30.120 black widow would smash oh by the way we rub scalps together hoping for friction to grow some hair 1.00

00:09:39.020 like come on let's get this by the way i need to mention this so jose said he couldn't be on 0.99

00:09:45.020 tonight because some stupid reason about his wife's in the hospital or something like that 0.96

00:09:48.620 so he's not drinking cat's milk tonight it's retarded he said she literally broke her leg i 0.99

00:09:53.860 it's i think it's dumb i think he i think he broke her leg i think yeah i was just gonna say 0.60

00:09:58.840 he needs the podcast first and it's pretty sad so i don't know how funny would it be if he

00:10:02.740 actually called you on the phone with the milk they're in the hospital his wife's in the background 0.99

00:10:06.600 he's like here you fucking whatever fucking i'm serious she's gonna die like it hit a femoral 1.00

00:10:15.180 artery we didn't know and we're in a lot of trouble it's a patreon whatever 1.00

00:10:19.660 she's dead forget it whatever he brought the cat to the hospital actually he's just like fuck you 1.00

00:10:27.860 guys she's holding the cat and just sit out of the nipple give me 20 minutes god damn you know 1.00

00:10:32.900 how long it takes to milk the cat i believe it is milk me is the question yeah isn't it actually 0.98

00:10:40.960 jose's birthday too so probably his wife forgot about it and he beat her 1.00

00:10:44.480 oh she like muay thai snapped her shit like on a kick it was a sid vicious jump on the turnbuckle 1.00

00:10:53.600 scenario where she snapped her own leg but yeah so he's uh i don't know what he's the family 0.99

00:10:59.720 issues whatever he might he actually messaged us and said he might milk his cat and come in here

00:11:04.680 and just do the shot and then like leave so it might actually happen well if he doesn't i vote 0.99

00:11:08.800 neil does something gross in replacement of jose it's your first time here what the fuck even so 0.99

00:11:17.600 what the fuck why would you do this to me i don't want to do it okay cool if he won't i can take the 0.99

00:11:24.040 computer into the truck stop uh shower stall and we can like see some pretty disgusting oh 1.00

00:11:28.940 yeah because i mean you found that sweatshirt on the ground outside exactly in your truck i mean

00:11:37.540 you're not wearing pants we know that because you're a lot well yeah yourself exactly so we can

00:11:41.420 tell the moonlight as a lot hey jasmine you want to finish up here i'm just i'm just waiting for the

00:11:49.160 one light bulb in the room i think to start swinging back in the truck cabin hey guys you

00:11:56.400 can't really talk right now please like reed yeah reed leaves for a second and then it pops up

00:12:03.860 the girl outside i hired is actually really upset so uh gotta go but have a good night all right real

00:12:11.060 funny patreon whatever well i think i think even better is he like reeds like he's like i need to step

00:12:16.860 up for a minute and he goes away and like some like little girl pops up she's like please help 0.57

00:12:20.020 me i really need help right now please just send the cops anything i don't care what it is

00:12:22.900 i was gonna say the light bulb sways too far back and there's like a girl just tied up

00:12:26.660 tape over her mouth you just like you see the whites in her eyes 1.00

00:12:33.600 yeah yeah yeah 1.00

00:12:34.700 she starts blinking oh shit oh shit oh shit she starts she starts blinking morse code 0.99

00:12:47.020 right it's like he only lets me eat the loves hot dogs that's it that's all i get is like those 0.99

00:12:51.620 those things that are on the rollers they're like eight weeks old i just have to eat those 0.99

00:12:54.940 well that's they are longer than his penis he is 0.99

00:12:58.360 that's why they call reed uh patrick henry though because he doesn't come until he sees the whites of 0.99

00:13:04.620 their eyes that's good that's a good he comes right in the white

00:13:09.460 it's because you're from uh massachusetts that you know that history toad 0.99

00:13:16.280 half his face is covered in jizz 0.96

00:13:22.280 it's all just it's all seeming that's just melting down his face like 1.00

00:13:26.440 dog to the whites fucking god damn it holy shit okay 1.00

00:13:31.280 uh flint five dollars thanks man come on cole don't be stingy show me where it spits 1.00

00:13:37.980 if you uh i'm not i'm not gonna mention where that's from but that's that's like i love flint

00:13:44.180 so i'm gonna see him this weekend uh if you know you know so see him what do you mean yeah

00:13:48.700 what does that mean i'm literally gonna show i'm gonna show him where it spits uh this weekend

00:13:52.760 like where else would it spit no i know flint it's amazing that he got out i didn't know he was out 0.96

00:13:58.420 that's awesome dude that's amazing good for you good for you shit dude i know those charges are not 0.99

00:14:04.000 gonna stick don't even worry about that asshole spitting weirdly enough uh holds a heavy penalty 1.00

00:14:09.020 i mean it's really weird that you think it's the asshole that's spitting and not a penis 1.00

00:14:13.000 show me this would definitely be a leaky assholes bro where no no where's your fun i'm about to 1.00

00:14:20.860 look up the video because it's actually really funny this is this is actually it's a your mom 0.98

00:14:24.480 have you not seen one man one jar i have it was it was spitting blood boy all right well say you're

00:14:31.520 sorry i like how when you brought that up last time i actually guessed what it was without even 0.98

00:14:38.340 knowing oh shit that's right that's weird oh my god are we hacks fuck did you guys pull me in some 0.99

00:14:46.900 hack nonsense you fucking dickheads it wasn't i really am carlos mencia aren't i jesus christ 1.00

00:14:53.100 yeah well i thought we were talking about spitting i thought you meant just spitting into somebody's 1.00

00:14:58.280 assholes either or either or no you could do that that's fine you could you can do whatever you want 0.99

00:15:04.920 i'm not stopping you we're all libertarians here except don't forget that he's dirty not libertarian 0.98

00:15:08.780 yeah i'm just super glad for this opportunity thanks guys it's nice to know that you are by

00:15:17.620 yourself that no one is here for you at all uh so i wanted to say thank you for that and i appreciate

00:15:24.620 it i'm not gonna be able to find that video i wish i could find it but they wasn't it's it

00:15:31.120 you know no i know it's so hard because again like we said the snuff films you're like sorting 0.91

00:15:35.820 through them you're just like god damn it no it's me killing an eight-year-old again 0.73

00:15:40.520 you gotta go to the old vhs method it's easier you can't get lost in the files that's 88 really is 0.97

00:15:47.120 that true yeah go to vhs they're all labeled for you just oh no i thought you said you can't get you

00:15:52.140 can't get lawsuits oh you definitely get lost in files you definitely get lawsuits

00:15:56.620 faster with vhs that would actually be really funny if that was a loophole like you can't like

00:16:02.800 you if you have cp on on vhs tapes they just can't do anything they're just like ah

00:16:07.880 read move the truck so it's in better wi-fi bud you gotta move the van bud you got i know you're

00:16:15.720 stealing wi-fi from the house or the school next door i need to move a little actually you know

00:16:22.340 go park in a starbucks parking lot i gotta move closer the best yeah you ever have porn on a vhs

00:16:28.380 and then your dad tapes over it with the game no i did the opposite i had the porn on the vhs and i 0.98

00:16:34.660 taped over it with the game yeah or you taped over their wedding wedding video with porn 0.76

00:16:42.680 no what you did was even better it's just like you you taped over his actual porn with just like a 0.97

00:16:47.920 softcore porno of like on from like hbo or something like that like i guess it's way worse 0.99

00:16:54.100 what the fuck or yeah you tape over their wedding video with their honeymoon video 1.00

00:17:00.760 oh this is me bawling your mother where's the wedding video 1.00

00:17:06.760 what did you what did you beat off to this did you that's me did you beat off to that by the way

00:17:15.000 at the end by the way at the end all of that was going to be you so like you

00:17:19.580 cool you cool you've never beaten off to yourself being conceived what's wrong with you man

00:17:24.960 it's like it's like you see that on your mom's face that's your brother

00:17:28.220 i don't have a brother exactly exactly the ultimate inception you're welcome

00:17:34.260 right there you jerking up like if i was i was i would try to do like a diploma film like 0.99

00:17:41.980 kind of like a diploma film about a kid who found a porn he reluctantly and started jerking off to him 0.99

00:17:47.480 and his parents having sex and then it's spaced out over a series of a part of his life and then 0.95

00:17:53.200 at the end it finally realizes like oh that's me that's being made and then he comes and then just 0.98

00:17:58.920 cuts a black oh wait a minute that is that is some real like freud type shit though like you i mean 1.00

00:18:04.060 you're fucked up for life after that like you're never gonna be able to like come after until you see 1.00

00:18:08.980 your mother like that's it like yeah have you talked to psychology uh psychologists about like 0.99

00:18:13.360 freud stuff they typically like now have you can see the word psychologist

00:18:16.900 i went in to see the psych the the the the psychology

00:18:22.260 the guy that makes me lay down and then touches me weird i want to see that guy and he

00:18:29.920 no i didn't i had a friend why am i even talking still right it's no but yeah they were like not 0.98

00:18:36.620 fraud uh freud's uh just bullshit they're just like yeah complete nonsense like he just he's 0.94

00:18:41.200 not weird if you bring it up it's weird yeah yeah they it's funny because they it feels like um 0.97

00:18:46.660 like i was telling adam it's like it's like or i think i was telling our producer it's funny when

00:18:50.700 like somebody comes up they oh yeah you do comedy oh my gosh there's such a good comedy you may not

00:18:55.280 have heard of them hold on it's um uh you'll love them though uh bill burr and they're so yeah

00:19:01.540 famous for what are you talking about yeah and yeah when it's like you saying that to like 1.00

00:19:07.960 like you just go like freud right and they're like he's a fucking idiot none of that matters 0.99

00:19:14.180 yeah yeah oh all right well i i'm gonna walk away from the starbucks and actually i don't know why i 0.99

00:19:20.700 started it i hate when people like find out you do comedy because then it's like we get the worst

00:19:25.320 questions in the world like do you know either they'd be like do you know bill burr or they're

00:19:31.060 like or like do you know like dan johnson like no well those are the ones you probably should

00:19:38.420 connect with because they're just like those are the guys you will see on on the road yeah you'll

00:19:43.220 be like oh you're the guy i didn't know i'm also not known how are you right yeah i'm also not famous

00:19:47.700 how are you by the way adam i actually met someone else uh comedian well he says he was i honestly

00:19:53.520 there's no way i could i could uh like verify but he was the only guy there was the only it was

00:19:59.280 the only guy that i ever met that's been on kill tony beside yourself but well neil and i were both

00:20:03.320 on oh neil was on it too well before this it was only adam it was only adam but like and he said he

00:20:08.860 was on kill tony like eight times and like and and tony was like loved him and then he was just like

00:20:15.300 but then i moved back to pensacola and like i just uh i don't do comedy anymore he's like i'm gonna

00:20:19.240 he's like i'm uh he's like i was like what dude yes it was very weird i was just i don't

00:20:25.480 we'll keep doing it that's fine we don't need him to keep doing it like i moved back to this

00:20:32.440 humorless city of pennsylvania i just thought it was so weird this guy like i mean you i mean you

00:20:37.360 want to kill tony you did good i guess neil did bad yeah um dude i have both adam and i have 0.86

00:20:45.160 ridiculous stories so my set was fine they were just like yeah you're yeah you're you're good or 0.99

00:20:50.060 whatever that was good and then once we got into my story they're just like fucking what like it was 0.98

00:20:55.140 it was just like i was like i have herpes i actually just got it like it was insanity what i talked about 0.96

00:21:00.760 it was nuts such a bad idea didn't didn't tell my girlfriend like yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna talk 0.90

00:21:07.760 about the real shit that i uh i'm doing and then just announce it on a national sort of thing 0.73

00:21:13.240 but by the way i have aids yeah i had a person come up to me like oh yeah you're the guy that 0.97

00:21:18.960 has herpes and i was like maybe this was a bad idea maybe i'm actually man now yeah yeah i was

00:21:24.940 like you're everything i was like yeah yeah yeah that's the thing that i said that you all know now

00:21:29.580 and i can't take back totally yep and i'm fine this is why you go like the burt kreischer route of

00:21:35.940 comedy and just lie about everything and just be like i'm i'm not gonna just never tell the truth

00:21:40.580 like or like it's very very no i'm the opposite we're like i have to tell the truth oh you can't 0.96

00:21:45.720 here we go no because i can't make shit up i suck at it i tried i'm a truthful candidate you have to 0.99

00:21:53.700 understand i've never not told the truth even when i've talked about my dick i talk about dick all 1.00

00:21:57.300 the time i'm real truthful he's like i'm truthful up on stage just talking about how huge of a cock i 0.99

00:22:02.240 have such a hard life i think you showed him my joke it's like i just don't i just can't don't 1.00

00:22:08.680 ruin my dick it's cold adam is actually jim carrey and liar liar oh my god where the hell did reed go 0.99

00:22:18.420 by the way yeah this podcast started drag as soon as reed left we lost all confidence i know we were 1.00

00:22:23.660 leaning on uh look and quality of probably picking up a kid i mean you gotta pick up a kid eventually

00:22:29.540 he's i mean he's like he's gotta go found what time is it 8 30 on a on a on a wednesday yeah it's

00:22:34.540 kid that's kid time like it's yeah i mean they're just touching the bed and so you can just go in

00:22:38.780 there and snatch them real quick like it's cold you know when the mountains get cold it's good

00:22:42.300 the wind we get a cold the cool chill in the air yeah i can feel it you know there's like there's a 0.99

00:22:51.340 calmness child around what do you think the establishment really means by hump day god damn jesus christ 1.00

00:22:58.440 good question uh did you want to talk about the teacher who is oh yes bring that shit up toad 0.99

00:23:08.400 all right yeah i have the uh yeah i saw this the official thing of hey we ran out of bits keep 0.98

00:23:13.360 going the official of like did you want to do the thing because we're i think we're tapped

00:23:19.080 adam you're a great podcaster that he's he's he's a veteran dude like he knows he knows how to go

00:23:25.080 yeah dude i'm just oh my god look at this already oh yes oh she looks like she'd stomp your dog to 1.00

00:23:32.800 death the weird bit she has adam's nose that's the unfortunate part she does have my nose 1.00

00:23:37.120 she also has your chin it's pretty crazy like this is like this is like the parallel me

00:23:43.960 this is weird because we're not even playing fab or trap yet so yeah

00:23:48.820 this is you like post-transition this is yeah you look good i thought absolutely i was like oh

00:23:57.500 hey i'm proud of your transition and you look good thank you and you were like you asked your

00:24:02.360 wife who's now still your wife but now you're technically a lesbian still wife though yeah yeah 1.00

00:24:07.420 it's a technical term yeah the doctor's just like what are you okay you're lesbian cool

00:24:13.540 technically technically technically and you were like uh i'm gonna come work with shade by

00:24:19.300 mostly less yeah so you know if anybody's just listening to the audio here this is

00:24:25.760 ex-teacher who fed students semen-laced cupcakes sentenced to 41 years by the way

00:24:31.040 not enough time but hey i think you should i think you should get a year for every um like

00:24:39.160 sperm like every actually individual so she's like 40 billion 10 trillion years 1.00

00:24:45.660 so so i've i've read the article before and i believe this happened two years ago and 0.98

00:24:51.500 wants to masturbate wants for information that's exactly right and this was her uh husband's semen 1.00

00:24:57.480 if you couldn't guess this would be really weird if she was just going out to random men and be like 0.99

00:25:02.040 i need a tongue yeah no this story would be ridiculous if it was that if this story was

00:25:07.240 that it would be ridiculous this is actually more sense yeah but cold dudes would do it you'd be 0.94

00:25:12.260 like okay oh yeah oh no no wait wait is that is that the same woman that's the same woman yeah 0.98

00:25:17.780 that's her she's hotter get her in the orange jumpsuit and jesus which goes to my theory about 0.99

00:25:24.320 it's so weird how they're like hey honey can you bite your lip real quick why is she she's like 0.92

00:25:29.580 yeah then it's like me and i talked about on uh on the podcast two episodes ago what we would look

00:25:35.600 like if we were chicks and how we would dress and stuff and i said i would i would yep that's me i

00:25:40.780 would i would be i would be a tattooed you would be tanning more you know what you didn't throw in

00:25:45.560 there it was the tanning oh i didn't picture i thought yeah maybe you did if you did i missed it

00:25:51.400 because now now i can actually see it it's like my home you would feel more comfortable right you

00:25:55.560 would feel more comfortable you'd be like oh i'm gonna go tan gotcha yeah she looks way better in 0.68

00:26:00.420 orange that's crazy yeah yeah now you can totally see her feeding suit and semen yeah you know what 1.00

00:26:06.340 i mean like now you're like before you're like oh that's weird and then you probably said oh sweetie 0.58

00:26:11.120 you gotta finish it and like held her and like cleaned her gross by the way does it like you were 0.95

00:26:16.400 saying with the biting the lip with the biting the lip does she not look like they just said like

00:26:20.900 okay now make the face that you did whenever you're milking your husband to put in those 0.95

00:26:23.740 semen it's like you didn't make that face again and she's just like 0.97

00:26:26.440 my story's about semen make the face of how this all started 0.97

00:26:33.380 make the face when you were watching the kids she might as well be like this 1.00

00:26:39.020 from her mouth like this is the latest got milk fucking poster 1.00

00:26:43.720 well you know uh given got pedo charges 1.00

00:26:47.980 given how uh shitty the food is that they serve to students at public schools i would imagine that 0.96

00:26:54.820 the semen cupcakes are actually more nutritious you're not wrong no no probably more protein 0.85

00:27:00.340 way more protein yeah protein salty sweet factor yeah amazing it's actually honestly it feels like you 0.51

00:27:06.120 know about eating cum i know you don't but i'm just saying it's so weird for the bit like 0.88

00:27:12.060 you know about eating cum yes if uh if barack obama if barack obama was still president michelle 0.96

00:27:18.580 obama would be pushing to get this woman like like totally exonerated party exonerated she'd be like oh 1.00

00:27:23.860 yeah she's she's literally giving kids like what i want to do for this 30 cc's of fucking protein 1.00

00:27:28.900 yeah she was like this is this woman's a hero actually this is all natural organic protein 0.96

00:27:35.480 i think that's up on the wall hold on let me check i didn't know this conspiracy i didn't know this

00:27:40.120 conspiracy sorry to talk over yet let me check the wall real quick oh all right i didn't know you

00:27:44.740 guys are right i had no idea i was wondering why it had a thing of michelle obama and then a line to

00:27:51.520 come and then a line to come no joke here's the thing it's at no joke it's adam with his own

00:27:56.620 come on his own face taking a shot of his face and i was like i didn't get the connection so now

00:28:01.240 i get it now you get it we're learning on this program people hate oh what is up clint shows up 0.89

00:28:08.460 what's up yeah i'd bang her dude you're right you're right right yeah throw it in we're all ahead

00:28:15.080 of it even if she'd make me eat her husband's what would have been funnier if he was like dude i 0.92

00:28:21.360 would buy those boots you're just like dude how did you even wow that's even a step up i have no

00:28:27.800 idea that's a funnier i would buy those boots you guys are right like wait can you send me that i

00:28:32.660 think that's like a 30 off uh problem why are they advertising boots yeah i don't know but

00:28:38.860 so the other thing about this story is that i believe that it said that she filmed her husband

00:28:48.900 jizzing into the molds into the batter or whatever oh wait wait a second so she actually

00:28:56.080 i've been following this tiktok forever i didn't know it was right and the music was the oh no

00:29:04.100 oh no i remember now yeah oh my god guys hold yes of course keep going by the way so she again 0.99

00:29:11.800 she actually like went and made the batter and then she was like hey hey hubby come here i gotta 0.61

00:29:16.240 jerk you off real quick and then like all right here we go all right and get it oh that's the

00:29:20.700 stuff it's kind of like fetish right i found it weird how the husband never once was like what's 0.94

00:29:24.840 with the vial like you never questioned like what you're doing no that's what i'm saying i feel like

00:29:30.340 if it was a vial i would be like that's a little bit different but just to go and hey just come

00:29:34.440 directly into like this bowl of like cupcake batter that's yeah you're just assuming that he wasn't in 0.95

00:29:40.500 on it right guys you're out of your fucking mind it's funnier if i thought it wasn't i'm sorry 0.98

00:29:48.140 no no no it's not funnier because it's so ridiculous like there's just a guy i love the 0.99

00:29:53.720 agency of a guy who's just like he walks into the room he's like oh shit nah i'm gonna be late to the 0.99

00:29:58.320 bar hold on i gotta yeah i gotta give her cum real quick hold on is that no further questions 0.99

00:30:03.960 yeah the same relationship forever no questions just yeah oh yeah it's just straight it's just 0.96

00:30:09.780 the vial it's like business like she just gets getting juiced like he's like yeah i'll be back i

00:30:15.080 gotta do it yeah and she's and she's also as much also not in it either like she's just like i mean 0.97

00:30:20.260 she's just rubbing she's yeah like scrolling twitter but her tricep game is fucking solid though 0.95

00:30:27.180 now you're almost there you're almost there all right she's got that kung fu grip she's like 0.99

00:30:31.600 she's like son she's like uh paul get on the milking table i mean

00:30:36.080 that would be better down you know the position yeah yeah yeah she's got like a massage table so 1.00

00:30:43.140 the dick and paul is hanging underneath she's just still doing a milking this way like she's just 1.00

00:30:48.660 like oh i gotta milk the man now all right now she's chewing on wheat she actually has one of those 0.99

00:30:56.520 like three-legged stools that she pulls up beside him and sits down and she can only go on his 0.98

00:31:00.840 right side also so she doesn't get kicked like he'll just kick the shit out of her if he goes on 0.98

00:31:05.900 the wrong side she's like easy easy easy easy easy the brain she's like gives him a carrot or some 1.00

00:31:13.320 shit she sees him a cat cat she's like shh shh it's another day on the farm 0.99

00:31:19.340 this man needs a milk and then the cows i'll get to it mary joe god damn it 1.00

00:31:25.200 just has a bowl sitting right under him with just like cupcake batter and she has like a little bit 1.00

00:31:31.840 gets out and she like scrapes the cream off the top come on now don eat this hay while i milk you 0.95

00:31:36.300 go ahead go ahead she has to shoo away the cats she's like get get this isn't yours get 1.00

00:31:42.260 that brings us back where the fuck is juan drinking this fucking milk 0.99

00:31:46.460 another question what was it no i'm sorry it would be pretty funny though she also like uh 1.00

00:31:53.280 she was like oh i love it straight from the udder and she did takes a little she's like

00:31:55.780 straight from the udder that's the best part it's like just the cream like right for the

00:31:59.620 still warm you are picturing it back in the day like snl would have made back in the day they would 0.99

00:32:05.480 have actually probably because you you forget that like after like the oj shit they were doing 0.97

00:32:10.980 sketches and like there was some shit where they were like oh you guys are actually being super 0.88

00:32:14.500 offensive like yeah there were sketches back in the day like really like and if they had nuts they 0.95

00:32:19.840 would absolutely do like a her like a commercial of her making the batter like tiktok style like 1.00

00:32:24.900 yeah don't want any to get away like you know what i mean i'm like yeah fucking dude yeah you have 0.97

00:32:31.080 wasn't norm mcdonald he was on snl when he did the whole the whole bit about like uh today we found 0.95

00:32:36.980 out that it's illegal to murder in california oh right yeah and that was on snl so i mean yeah

00:32:42.900 totally would have happened yeah there's there's moments and stuff where like the writing comes 0.95

00:32:46.460 through and you know it's it's like fucking oh when you have an all-time great yeah it's gonna 0.98

00:32:49.940 yeah yeah sometimes yeah a joke's on you we don't hire women 1.00

00:32:55.240 you know how in baking you need to be like very specific about all the amounts of each ingredient

00:33:02.880 that you use like do you think she has this recipe like down to you know in baking

00:33:08.580 you know in big guys you know in baking i'm like immediately no dude i don't know in baking

00:33:15.160 unfortunately yes no you're right it is a chemistry there's almost a chemistry to it yeah it would be

00:33:19.960 really funny if she's like she does have like a tablespoon like one of those things like it's you

00:33:23.940 know have like a tablespoon and teaspoon all of them on like one little ring and she just pulls it 0.99

00:33:27.960 out she's just like too much too much i'd like to see her i'd like to see her be too salty

00:33:32.860 you think she ever tries to her recipe book it says like it says like two busts instead of like

00:33:38.240 two teaspoons nice two nuts two loads well yeah to feed an entire middle school classroom how many

00:33:47.580 loads of her husband's yeah yeah you need you need 16 busts to feed a whole middle school 1.00

00:33:51.720 it's like it's like uh bake time 30 minutes prep time eight days well you need time for it to rise

00:34:00.400 i think the name of the books i called like baking your husband or something yeah yeah the name of

00:34:08.320 the book is no no it's called baking with love

00:34:10.820 that actually that actually happened to a bakery up here in massachusetts they violated federal law or

00:34:21.380 something by listing love as one of their ingredients and they got fined for it like

00:34:25.400 some ridiculous that's pretty honestly if i was her lawyer i would look into that and be like she

00:34:31.380 took it literally and like that's it like she was just like use love and she was like oh yeah 0.59

00:34:35.820 individual every individual batch of dough she hugged no no she was like i was making love i mean

00:34:42.800 it's not how you make love and baking oh i do put this dough up inside me oh i do no no guys i i make it

00:34:49.840 love i put it up inside yeah yeah this uh this woman was actually the owner of that bakery 1.00

00:34:55.320 she was like where do you think i get the yeast where do you think i get the yeast from 0.99

00:34:59.080 yeah i make it all in my snooch she's got a weird name for her vagina okay i make it in my 1.00

00:35:07.880 snoochie pooch we should have known it always smells like cinnamon it smells amazing it's like my flower 0.98

00:35:13.780 thank you larry oh god is it is it so when did this actually happen by the way i was so

00:35:20.080 like i think it was a little while ago i did hear about this i think they were arrested in 2019 so it

00:35:25.440 took them three years to get actually into jail oh my god so many kids they come for three years it's

00:35:30.640 crazy so many they're like we gotta be sure like we gotta be sure well so not not only so this is

00:35:39.860 how i think they wound up convicting her is not only did she film her husband jizzing into the batter 0.70

00:35:44.760 but then she also filmed the students eating the cupcakes here's child pornography based on that 0.99

00:35:50.880 like you just heard her eat that shit slow no yeah because i forgot that she was like probably doing 1.00

00:35:57.380 it in tiktok style like she's filming herself making the batter like she's doing it like 0.98

00:36:01.840 instagram like prepping it for instagram in my head she's just like doing it the way oh you know 0.97

00:36:06.540 it takes me fucking hours 0.90

00:36:09.080 also it's also like that tiktok thing where they use like the robotic voice and it like does like 0.97

00:36:15.960 voiceover and so i think it's like and then do this and then and at the end it's just like tell me

00:36:20.260 the last time that you came like it's like yeah yeah whatever or it's or something like it shows the

00:36:25.060 like the classroom eating it and it just goes they love it and it's something like that it's just 1.00

00:36:30.060 like tell me the last time your students enjoyed cupcakes and you're like oh fuck 0.96

00:36:34.980 what if this is like um like that same moment we talked about this on our show i think last week 0.95

00:36:41.360 about uh whenever you were younger and like you're uh during the first like internet days and like

00:36:47.160 whenever you're trying to watch porn it just kind of like came in like you came down and so you like

00:36:51.440 you you finished before you even got the full picture oh yeah and then we turned out to be a 0.97

00:36:55.780 tranny and then you're like am i gay did i just like is this like the 2022 version of that where 0.99

00:37:02.080 like you eat like semen cupcakes and then you find out you're gay you're like i just love the taste of 0.99

00:37:06.420 semen now is that what i would happen that's all i need i would have known by now dude what i'm wondering 0.99

00:37:13.960 is uh like what if she's not hot enough for her husband to actually uh get it up or to come 1.00

00:37:19.040 like does her husband have to use other material like in a sperm are you saying that like she out 1.00

00:37:23.940 kicked her covered marrying a hotter dude you're saying maybe or also this is also true i like what

00:37:31.400 you think about toad is did she ever there was a time she was making cupcakes and the husband was 0.99

00:37:35.840 at home and she was like oh shit and she was like goes down to like the local sperm bank she was like 0.96

00:37:39.720 i need like a replacement or something like she's like popping into walmart for like she forgot so that 1.00

00:37:44.440 she forgot some eggs but instead she's going to like a sperm bank she was like i need extra ingredient 1.00

00:37:48.580 i'm gonna guess what her husband looks like she's going like she actually needs a donor for it and 1.00

00:37:58.440 like looking at the donor's uh attributes yeah her husband is a tall bald white guy for sure oh yeah 0.98

00:38:07.800 by the way do you think uh you know they always say like eat pineapple to make your cum taste better 0.90

00:38:12.200 do you think they also tried different flavors and they were just like oh you're supposed to eat

00:38:16.600 pineapple this is actually the husband right here by the way you nailed it good job adam that was the

00:38:24.100 easiest by the way that was you could probably you guys are wrong on a lot of stuff but this 0.98

00:38:27.880 i would have staked my life savings on this guy being fat white and bald 0.98

00:38:32.560 he's got yo but he's got a hog on him though you can tell oh yeah yeah he's got he's slinging you 0.99

00:38:39.260 can tell he's got a girth on him it's all loads yeah his clothes are oh my god he can go 32 times in

00:38:47.640 one day man look at him it's enough to feed a classroom did you bring enough for everyone

00:38:53.860 i did i did actually i fucking very much did i did yeah yeah uh on purpose i did yeah yeah 0.96

00:39:00.560 it really is it's so disgusting they're just thinking about like by the way this can't be the 0.74

00:39:06.980 first time this has ever happened no for sure not i'm for sure not oh yeah i've been putting

00:39:11.980 common yeah it's only it's only the first time anybody got caught like just like yourself doing

00:39:17.940 it right that's how everyone has a snitch there was no way they literally ate the evidence like

00:39:24.440 there was literally no way you can't prove it like all the kids are like you my t counts are up

00:39:30.660 you have no idea why they're like all these kids are benching 95 pounds like seven years old

00:39:36.240 i don't know man could you like uh your uh your classroom has like a 40 percent tranny rate in 0.97

00:39:42.900 the women it's very weird like the national average like two percent like it's way it'd be dope if 1.00

00:39:49.020 like all the 12 year olds had goatees and that's how she got it what it's like such a weird use of the

00:39:55.760 word but it sounds well it sounds like it's so it's the laziness of the fact that like it sounds

00:40:03.020 like it's it's like the word you don't like that you don't use but they use it in like a bad japanese

00:40:08.920 film about nuclear fallout like they like you went big boom boom everywhere you're like are you guys 0.92

00:40:15.360 could use the technical language like you don't need to that one weird as fuck like you're just using 0.90

00:40:20.120 just tranny rate was the only thing like i know dude no it tells me a lot about you i understand

00:40:25.620 i i get it dude you've looped in that word a couple of times already i get what you're about

00:40:32.020 call was what like in his mind he's like nice can you come back to tranny rate 0.95

00:40:35.720 you've been talking about this whole time i was just trying to think about the words

00:40:40.660 it's also funny if even if they're using the correct like you're using the word i'm just being

00:40:44.960 like just like oh god the transgender rate is through the roof like seriously delivering that 1.00

00:40:51.180 line in a movie or something that also would be a really weird thing for like a administrator of

00:40:55.220 school to come up to you and say be like you have a lot of like transgender kids in your classroom

00:40:58.980 like it is way above average that would be weird why are you like why do you even keep track of it

00:41:04.160 you have an average like this is so weird like they're trying to pass yeah we notice all the overalls

00:41:09.320 and you know they're trying to pass pass that no pray uh what's it no what is it the no gay say 0.60

00:41:16.360 no gay what's the florida law they're trying to pass oh you can't say no way to the gay don't say 0.99

00:41:24.540 gay i think it's called don't say gay that in florida it ought it ought to be don't spray because 0.92

00:41:30.520 that's that's really what's happening with the teachers here and and in truth are we just going 0.91

00:41:34.300 to overlook the fact that this is like other than the fact that she fed it to kids which is obviously

00:41:38.160 egregious it's kind of hot it's a little bit oh my god she's so into this am i wrong nope she 0.99

00:41:45.320 probably she probably fucks like a crazy person well the problem is the way we talked about it 0.99

00:41:51.740 is we kind of took all sexuality out of it you know what i mean i know that that was the mistake 0.99

00:41:56.300 yeah yeah weird guy at the bottom of my screen

00:42:01.200 person i don't know now i'm now realizing both of us have a problem

00:42:06.940 both of us like right we kind of both liked it this is my life this is my uh

00:42:13.980 carol life partner neil wood

00:42:15.400 i'm glad we're also better people for just not being able to be like yeah it must have been

00:42:22.980 completely sexless right but actually it probably was not and it was always so terrible he the dude 0.99

00:42:30.060 is clearly he's getting off on the fact that his wife is like worshiping his cum to a 1.00

00:42:34.500 no no no no hold on he was literally getting off we're not even by the way we gotta read the 0.99

00:42:38.500 article we're just by the way we are skipping i'm not ready i will not read how dare you make me 0.99

00:42:42.800 read i don't know how we don't read in our cult the pulp or the pulp fuck the pope and the 0.98

00:42:49.760 president do not read we don't read in our cult that's just reading in the cup 0.99

00:42:52.960 i will read this article perkins filed for divorce from her husband following their 1.00

00:42:58.300 arrest and alleged that dennis had manipulated her into committing the crime i don't believe that

00:43:02.160 i don't believe that because i just don't believe it i don't think yeah i manipulated her into

00:43:07.240 bringing the cupcakes into the kids crying into baking the cupcakes and then bringing them in

00:43:11.980 and filming all of it they're both they're both so into this they're both freaks you know they 0.99

00:43:17.540 take that uh film footage and they fuck to it like yes oh absolutely of course there's no reason 1.00

00:43:24.220 to get it probably fuck on that batter lay it out he doesn't even batter up he doesn't come into it 1.00

00:43:30.380 he literally sticks his penis inside like he's just like he's like pulling out so he just is like 1.00

00:43:34.300 and he just busts inside yeah you just see two you just see three bubbles pop up to the top 1.00

00:43:41.560 you know an american pie where he has like the pie stuck to him on it when he's fucking it that's 0.92

00:43:49.020 like what this guy did but it's with a brownie tray when you guys saw that when you were younger 1.00

00:43:53.400 and went like that guy's got the smallest penis like the most round small penis i've ever seen 0.98

00:43:59.080 it made no sense all of us laughed at it you just you were just like and you're like so he shoved 0.99

00:44:04.640 half of his penis hopefully and felt just the warm right it had a bend to it wasn't it like a 90 0.96

00:44:12.740 degree bend to me it was a band it would have looked like a highlight paddle that's kind of 1.00

00:44:21.920 what mine looks like he can slink the pie at 90 miles an hour with his dick you guys should fuck a pie 0.99

00:44:27.080 i don't know i do love that part of that in that movie where like the dad comes in and it's just a 1.00

00:44:32.180 ruined pie and he like sets it down tell your mother we ate it all oh no and i mean and what's

00:44:38.240 his name bless his fucking heart because he gives such a good job and just his eyebrows sell that 0.96

00:44:42.420 with the eyebrows he just sells it and you just believe it you're like he's like well uh we won't 0.99

00:44:53.000 tell your mother and you're just like yes that makes sense whatever like and you're just laughing

00:44:58.360 it's like this jewish father and son that would probably sounds like it's like the conversation

00:45:02.600 would be had into uh what's your uh have you have any getting caught stories anything i mean there's 1.00

00:45:09.320 nothing like fucking apple pie and getting caught by your tail yes yeah i got one but mine's fucking 0.99

00:45:14.260 it's just it's strange it's weird it's uh it's so i made no i made 0.99

00:45:21.600 i broke into kindergarten right and like they were really mad about it this is actually probably

00:45:29.620 and i went to jail for 30 years this sentence will sound weird uh i i made direct eye contact

00:45:37.980 with my mother while inside of a woman me too me too yeah like got caught but so the way i got caught

00:45:44.100 was almost if i was making a i would i would take this if i was making like a early 2000s 19 you know 0.57

00:45:52.140 like uh 90s like uh fucking movie a comedy or like i would do the same thing because it was because 0.93

00:45:57.540 of she she walked in she knew i was upstairs and at this point i'm like i don't know like 18 or 0.93

00:46:02.440 something like you should basically know the door is shut and we had uh you would walk upstairs and

00:46:07.280 then there was like a little tv room and then our rooms would split out it was like a converted 0.95

00:46:11.480 fucking attic it was weird as shit uh because we rented it because we were poor and and uh 0.95

00:46:17.760 you would split off into my sister's room and my room and i was i had a girl up there and we're 0.99

00:46:22.380 this is already too long but i'm a girl there we're having sex and my mom just blazed the rules like 1.00

00:46:28.560 the understanding of like hey i shouldn't open the downstairs door and because of my height and

00:46:33.480 the positioning of the bed i'm six five so because of where the bed is it's a small space that is above

00:46:39.480 the stairs so basically i'm on top and physically my mom opens the door comes in and now i can see

00:46:46.320 her down the steps while i'm on top of the top of the girl and i'm just like i'm like mom

00:46:52.820 you came harder than you ever have before in your life dude i just i was like mom locked up eyes with

00:46:59.420 me i can't even no no no no like just yeah just unloaded unfortunately i blew her across the room 1.00

00:47:08.320 it was unfortunately yeah i just made you launched the girl into your mom 1.00

00:47:13.060 what you launched the girl into your mom yeah yeah 0.96

00:47:18.260 she banked off the wall hit the stairs slid down covered in jizz it was a nightmare to clean up 0.75

00:47:25.500 it was like the shining scene with the blood but just yeah 0.99

00:47:28.840 the elevator opened and just white steam viscous cum

00:47:33.700 it was the elevator full of cum yeah it was a whole problem uh neil and i have a similar story 0.94

00:47:40.000 of that i was uh living i was in my you were the girl i was the girl 0.96

00:47:43.380 he was on top of me and i was like i'm very embarrassed to meet your mom this way

00:47:48.120 she goes like mrs neil adam that's his one part of the movie he pops up he's like oh my god you

00:47:55.580 know it's fun thanks yeah i'm the bear character in the shining that's that's off really from blowing

00:47:59.900 the guy that's me no i was in my mid-20s living at home in the basement apartment and uh no offense

00:48:06.560 to your bit i'm gonna go get a drink fair you've heard this story a thousand times go get a drink

00:48:11.600 and uh and maybe my best friend's ex was over i don't know that's irrelevant and

00:48:17.780 we were entangled on the floor of my apartment and my mom did almost the same thing neil's mom did

00:48:27.120 like that she knew on purpose what she was walking into she did the like oh she's like anybody in

00:48:31.900 here knock knock oh my god and like he was doing the knock knock while opening the door because she 0.99

00:48:37.520 heard she must have heard because i didn't i must have not obviously didn't lock it and because

00:48:42.460 how it was set up was like it was a downstairs apartment so it has its own outside entrance but

00:48:46.520 it was connected still to the upstairs house via just one staircase so like if you didn't lock the

00:48:52.620 door anybody could get the fuck in from upstairs so i just didn't do it and i was like ah and then 0.86

00:48:57.460 i just last time me and that chick ever been well uh neil's mom is actually a cop which is why she 0.91

00:49:05.620 didn't knock yeah she had she was running no knocks it's unfortunate would you like to make

00:49:11.740 up a story to to feel like you're part of it would you like to feel like you're not a virgin

00:49:16.920 i've only been i've only been caught looking at baconators as i as i clarified last time

00:49:23.940 to get caught is eating on the toilet somewhere like oh no

00:49:26.920 it's actually the same it's the same picture of the chick in the jumpsuit when you're ordering food 0.54

00:49:34.040 cameras i'd be like

00:49:34.880 yeah it's one of those parties commercials yeah yeah it's been caught for sure yeah i've been

00:49:43.160 caught uh actually i got caught you know how when you were sick and when you were in high school 0.97

00:49:47.760 and you just stay home and jerk off like as many times as you possibly could yeah absolutely 0.87

00:49:51.860 what else are you gonna do right you're watching you're watching like what's the record 0.99

00:49:56.340 what's the record maury oh dude we don't want to talk record i think no you don't want to get in

00:50:02.280 this oh yeah toad toad toad is like yeah i mean he's yeah 30 plus he's basically the kareem

00:50:08.760 of gil jabbar of uh how do you dehydrate to death no i don't know if this is a belabor bit i don't

00:50:15.500 want to get i drink that's great we love bringing it up i drink a lot of water and and yes i am i am

00:50:21.420 the kareem of it uh i i called it the skyhook actually the maneuver that i was using to do it 0.83

00:50:27.820 toad was actually six five before he started but he stunted his growth because he jerked off so much

00:50:33.000 in a single day really tragic yeah even though i was i think i started shooting bone marrow out of 0.99

00:50:37.680 his dick after a while he ran out of combat so i did actually i'm home i'm home from school sick 0.96

00:50:43.900 and and i'm you know i'm on round five or something because you can only watch so many reruns of 0.99

00:50:49.040 saved by the bell and my mom opens up the like i hear the garage door he was jerking off to screech 1.00

00:50:55.060 actually this is this is such a game this is this is the worst yeah i was uh maybe lisa turtle i was 0.80

00:51:00.940 into the black chick you know but uh so i'm jerking off and i'm like and i i hear the elevator open or 0.94

00:51:06.660 not the elevator i didn't live in a fucking penthouse i heard the garage open and i was like i was like i 0.99

00:51:11.700 gotta finish you know and i and i it was like russian roulette it was russian roulette you're like 0.99

00:51:17.560 you're trying to finish and and you're playing so hard dude you're squeezing your butthole so hard 0.90

00:51:23.040 you're just you're like so you're squeezing your bottle does anybody else straighten their legs 0.99

00:51:28.360 really hard when they jerk off yes yeah okay you can pass out you can pass out it's like and that's

00:51:35.900 how i got caught i thought it was still in my hands hard as a rock oddly yeah i straightened my legs and 0.97

00:51:42.180 actually kicked neil's mom and that's how it happened so so anyways she's called donkey now 0.92

00:51:47.940 she walks in i have the i have the towel over or the not the towel the the blanket over me so

00:51:52.920 it was awkward it was like she knew but we neither of us neither of us wanted to acknowledge it so we

00:51:58.420 just kind of ignored it it was it was awful did you have a did did you have a shirt on he is showing

00:52:03.820 i don't i think i did have a shirt on but i honestly don't remember i have a weirder story

00:52:08.220 so i used to wet the bed when i was a kid right and and i didn't we i didn't wet the bed like much

00:52:14.240 past i don't know nine ten years old whatever the normal time is when you stop but i i uh way before

00:52:19.400 that it's not that age no when you're a bedwetter you continue to wet it oh yeah you're admitting to 0.99

00:52:24.700 being a bedwetter yeah no i am admitting to it because who gives a fuck i'm 39 it doesn't matter 0.99

00:52:28.460 anymore um i still wet the bed so i have a buddy who wet the bed to this day swear to christ i believe it 0.99

00:52:34.720 um so so anyways i i i hear in sex ed in ninth grade about uh wet dreams which is where you

00:52:42.260 climax while you're asleep right it's when you pee in the bed actually and this this is how this is

00:52:48.020 how when you make a no-no with your dad this is how embarrassed i was about wetting the bed i hadn't

00:52:54.160 wet the bed in years and i wet the bed and i was like i was like i can't believe that this happened

00:52:59.240 but i didn't do my laundry my mom handled my laundry so i i i take it i put it in the washer my mom's

00:53:04.420 like like clint did you wet the bed again and i go no no i had my first wet dream because i thought

00:53:10.380 that was less embarrassing i told my mom that because i thought it was less embarrassing oh my

00:53:18.100 god like a term yeah yeah you were like do you know how insane that is yeah it'd be really funny if 0.97

00:53:24.140 if she believed you she was like that's a lot of cum from a 10 year old boy and she's like 0.98

00:53:29.320 i'm telling you she weighs four pounds i'm gonna breed you hold on i'm gonna get my vial 0.98

00:53:35.280 i'm gonna get my vial on cupcake batter i'll be right back

00:53:38.380 long story short i've been in prison for five years after making

00:53:42.740 i can't believe i i hadn't even thought about that story in so long that's a true story i honestly did

00:53:50.640 that by the way my mom was just like she would rather just allow the lie to happen than to 1.00

00:53:55.060 have to face the fact no no no your mom i was told her dad and laughed her yeah your mom like 0.74

00:54:01.900 laughed her ass off well so wait you lived in a household where so you were not coming in you 0.99

00:54:09.220 were you were not coming into a paper towel or anything you were just coming into those sheets

00:54:12.560 like in ninth grade in ninth or eighth grade ninth grade whatever it was when i first learned about

00:54:17.440 these nocturnal emissions as they described it i wasn't even jerking off yet dude i hit puberty super 0.68

00:54:22.940 late so i wasn't like i didn't even know what it consisted of i was like i this seems like a

00:54:28.120 like a reasonable excuse over admitting i wet the bed as a 13 year old so i just went with that it was 0.97

00:54:34.360 unbelievably nice it is actually less embarrassing actually to jizz the bed than to piss it is you 0.94

00:54:40.220 can't help one i guess you can't help either i don't think he's waking up in the middle of the 0.67

00:54:47.120 night just pissing all over his bed like oh this is fun hey you know what was funny too i i had this

00:54:53.180 this recurring dream and i think this is why i went to bed my recurring dream was that i was swimming

00:54:57.900 and and i would be underwater and i was i had a ball and chain on my ankle that dragged me to the bottom

00:55:04.720 of the pool and right before i was about to like die drowned dude i would i would realize that i

00:55:11.400 really needed to pee and then i would let it go and it would be like okay that i was drowning and 0.86

00:55:16.460 then i would wake up and i had wet the bed i swear to fucking god i had that dream like a hundred 0.95

00:55:19.760 times it was actually getting drowned every night it was your dad was taking you outside 0.95

00:55:24.800 just your bathtub this is a weird time to tell you guys but i was actually tortured by the cia as a 0.62

00:55:31.480 child it was waterboarding and this is why i was i was in a blacklisted site

00:55:34.980 this is why clinton's man i remember i also because i also went to bed up until i was probably

00:55:41.400 you know like eight or nine or something like that uh thank you for being honest cole i don't know 0.98

00:55:46.500 i'm not lying i'm a man sorry i'm still thinking about the dream are you being hilarious if you told

00:55:54.420 the dream again you you think it's something less than you're like yeah mom i had a i actually had my

00:55:59.380 first my dream uh and the whole thing what i was dreaming about it's a great question mom

00:56:03.440 i actually had a dream uh i was walking the dog i know it's weird she's like what the fuck is wrong 0.73

00:56:09.540 what no no no you don't know what it means no no no no he told the real dream about him getting drowned 0.98

00:56:21.120 and she's like my son is in the bdsm yeah right yeah what the fuck what would it even 0.93

00:56:26.680 if i was like i had this dream that i met kobe bryant and this was my first wet dream and i know 0.96

00:56:30.820 this is really awkward mom but like i just want you to understand you're gonna be man no more

00:56:35.040 twice real quick no more aquaman comics for you no more by the way i don't know i don't know why i

00:56:41.620 like using the show is like my own personal diary where i just tell all my secrets but you know i hope

00:56:45.980 people enjoy that's what we do on call of us too we just we just tell stories about our awful lives

00:56:49.920 and like it makes it super easy to dox you i've already been doxed so oh it's true yeah 0.95

00:56:55.140 oh fuck i'm actually sorry yeah true yeah most of the people in this room have been doxed 0.99

00:56:59.720 one point or the other oh fuck why am i on this podcast what are you 0.99

00:57:03.220 actually it's cool you're not a libertarian so it's fine yeah yeah you don't care you just gave it 0.98

00:57:09.500 you're all right you're all right no affiliation holy shit but even though neil will be at the 0.74

00:57:16.460 libertarian convention doing comedy with me this week no that's another it's james wood or something 0.82

00:57:21.520 whatever i was gonna say was i like i said i also pissed in bed until i was like nine years old but

00:57:28.900 i also had the same like weird like the dreams were the same like kind of like they're always about

00:57:34.260 water yeah i had i had dreams about like i was i remember having a dream that was extremely

00:57:39.300 thirsty and then like i drank a ton of water and then i just started pissing everywhere in my 0.65

00:57:45.020 dream and i wake up and i'm like i pissed on the couch okay can i go ahead i mean i was gonna finish

00:57:53.260 what i was gonna say was i woke so i fell asleep on the couch and then i you know had the dream

00:57:57.120 pissed all over the couch and this is like i mean pissing on the couch is way worse than just pissing

00:58:01.040 in your bed i feel like i mean everybody sits on the couch and so what i went and did is my parents 0.97

00:58:06.540 because i pissed the bed so much they had like this like uh odor be gone shit you know i'm talking 0.97

00:58:11.260 about like yeah and so i grabbed i knew where it was so i grabbed i was like i'm gonna spray all this 0.94

00:58:15.360 on there i'm gonna be all cool wake from the morning nobody's gonna know i pissed on the couch

00:58:19.520 but i was too stupid to understand how like one of those locking caps work and so i'm just like

00:58:24.920 out of this uh out of this cap to try to get it to work and it would not press down and so i just gave

00:58:31.360 up and i don't know what happened to the couch i was gonna say even if you were successful your

00:58:34.580 parents come home there's just a larger wet spot now it's just it's just like all right yeah it

00:58:40.260 smells like lemon in here and there's a large wet spot on the couch i think we put it together

00:58:44.860 like lemony piss like it's still a faint smell like that's really weird oh wow it smells like grape 0.98

00:58:50.900 fusion in here cool like a complete wet spot on the fucking couch bud we know what you did yeah 1.00

00:58:56.920 stop trying to cover so many times do you remember all the dumb bullshit that you try to get away 1.00

00:59:01.840 with as a kid and so many times yeah your parents are just like yeah you didn't sneak in last night 0.99

00:59:10.280 and you i got a good one i got right now i got a good one for that story my dad but this was not

00:59:15.240 this was not my dad pretending that he didn't know he was so like sheltered as a kid growing up uh he

00:59:20.680 was a vegan a bunch of shit very very strange upbringing anyways so i i was a soy boy yeah it was 0.71

00:59:28.080 very strange anyways i wasn't i wasn't raised by him but i would spend one weekend a month with him 0.97

00:59:31.900 so i bring my best friend uh eric over and my my friend eric is a stoner and he he brings a bong

00:59:38.640 and he's like getting high as fuck uh we were like 16 i don't know how old we were and my dad finds it 0.84

00:59:44.440 and he goes what are you guys doing with the bird feeder and he was dead serious he's like he's like why 0.97

00:59:50.320 would eric bring a bird feeder over and i was like i don't know like like science project or

00:59:55.400 something and my dad was like oh that makes sense to this day i think he thinks it was a bird feeder 0.98

01:00:02.420 it's incredible dude no the best thing to do though is to tell your parents now the shit that 0.93

01:00:07.360 you were doing as a kid that they actually didn't know and they find out and they're like what what 0.94

01:00:11.480 the best is my mom found out something just a couple weeks ago because i was over at my uh my

01:00:18.200 grandparents house and they because my grandpa just died and so we went over there and like all the

01:00:22.600 family was there so i was just telling stories about like growing up and me at the grandparents

01:00:25.680 house and i was like oh yeah and then there was the one time where i went over to like the neighbor's

01:00:29.900 house and he gave me candy uh right out of his front door and i just like came home and ate the 0.99

01:00:34.320 candy and they were like you did fucking what like you like yeah he had his dick out and stuff but i 0.99

01:00:41.440 didn't think it was a big deal i was like yeah i got like he gave me like a reese's cup and a 0.99

01:00:46.840 snickers and like i'm at home and ate it like you got to pull in his flesh snake for a while and then

01:00:51.520 he gives you candy you're like i think i think that there's actually a flesh snake coughs up white

01:00:55.620 syrup and then i get the candy it's kind of a beautiful experience last week because she found 0.52

01:01:01.220 out i'm on a podcast where people say nigger so well yeah that will do it that'll do it uh it's 0.97

01:01:07.360 kind of a beautiful experience when you when you have a cool parent that you can start to tell the

01:01:11.500 truth as you get older because i have that relationship with my stepdad so i tell him i'm like oh yeah

01:01:15.720 eric and i we got high in the backyard when i was 15 and he's like oh that's cool your mom and i

01:01:20.340 were doing blow and i was like he just keeps one-upping me like every time i said i was like yeah you

01:01:27.680 remember that time i had that girl over and you thought i was having sex with her i was that was 0.98

01:01:31.360 when i lost my virginity he's like oh that's awesome your mom and i would do shrooms and we 1.00

01:01:35.320 were friends with a whole bunch of swingers it was crazy and i was like what the fuck i don't want 0.99

01:01:39.140 to do this anymore i don't want to know any more about you stop i'm trying to work on a fucking bit 0.99

01:01:44.320 and i i'm trying to work a bit about my mom making out in front of me and it is it is a 0.76

01:01:49.420 pivotal moment in my life my mom was largely single for the like for i mean the majority of my life 0.99

01:01:54.700 like really she just was like she swore off dick it was just and not mind you she's getting she's 0.99

01:01:59.380 being she has a lovely man now yeah she she has a lovely man and ed is giving her all the dick and 1.00

01:02:06.480 it's great but no i'm super pumped for it if anything but it was i remember a time where i'd be like 0.99

01:02:12.200 who the fuck is this guy coming over trying to date my mom you know what i mean like that energy 0.98

01:02:15.640 like i'm just having that energy like who the fuck's trying to come over and date my mom like 1.00

01:02:19.760 better not like you know blocking her like yeah yeah like i'm gonna fucking kick this guy's ass i 0.99

01:02:26.220 know he used to play for notre dame i don't give a shit like but yeah kicker yeah yeah like so many 0.99

01:02:32.980 times somebody's that so i totally understand if you're having that fucking feeling because i oh god 0.98

01:02:38.420 dude so many times i've done that i've just been having that feeling of like you fucking don't even 1.00

01:02:42.900 fuck my mom you better not even now i'm super excited she gets dick i'm like so pumped like i'm 1.00

01:02:51.460 just like yeah yeah yeah i was like yeah that did girl it was pretty funny another thing on my mom 1.00

01:02:56.800 because my wife's in the chat she pointed this out uh she said then your mom said weed smells like

01:03:01.280 sweet tarts um and actually what happened was i went over i was at the at that same guy's house

01:03:06.280 i remember it always smelled like sweet tarts like there was a very and then my mom he's

01:03:10.460 smoking the really gay fruity one and i swear to god my mom goes that's what weed smells like and i 0.88

01:03:15.620 looked at my mom's like that's not what weed smells like i know what weed smells like i was like weed

01:03:21.960 your mom smells like modern vape and she's just like weed right no mom she's not even close but 1.00

01:03:28.620 weed smells like cinnamon toast crunch isn't that natural i know like straight edge like children who 1.00

01:03:34.900 know what weed smells like it was so funny i'm like yes it smells like a skunk's asshole 0.96

01:03:39.160 and then my mom's like why do you know what weed smells like i'm like because i've been out in the 0.98

01:03:43.960 world yeah i've walked past a house before like yeah you like well you look like you went to early

01:03:51.180 reggae concerts sorry you do you look like you would be like no i dabbled i went i went to a couple

01:03:56.840 you know what yeah i always said neighbor instead of don't worry it was always good

01:04:03.160 hey where's this guy he is he's uh going to a starbucks to get better wi-fi connection i'm just 0.99

01:04:09.900 kidding his wi-fi was ass he was like yeah he was good i mean he tried he looked like a japanese porno 1.00

01:04:16.820 i mean it was all yeah he had jizz all over his face it was crazy man and his penis is pixelated 1.00

01:04:24.880 yeah he was like ranting about he had a dream it was weird i was like it's not a you're didn't 0.98

01:04:31.720 that was not a nighttime admit by the way uh jose posted some video i don't want to show it because

01:04:38.580 it would involve showing our chat like reed did last week i don't really want to do that but uh jose

01:04:42.920 posted a very short video i believe with him milking his cat so i believe he's saying he is

01:04:48.100 going to do it oh well then i don't want to see that i don't want to see that video it just creeps

01:04:53.700 me out with him him milking the cat milking the cat i think that's what it is i don't actually watch

01:04:58.760 the chat whenever you sent the other one though oh you know i did see it oh yeah it's right it was

01:05:04.860 what i was oh my god it's right you blocked it out blocked it out already your name is adam

01:05:09.680 nutter guys again i'm sorry your name is adam nutter you played football in college i'm sorry 0.62

01:05:15.640 guys um you did mma i'm sorry that your brain's like this right now adam nutter there you go go 0.63

01:05:21.120 ahead but sorry you kind of do comedy this uh reed hearted super chat here adam what's it like living

01:05:26.100 with bill burr i live with bill burr i live with my wife who is not bill burr would you trade would

01:05:30.840 you trade bill burr like trade your wife for bill burr in two seconds

01:05:34.020 you also get bill burr's wife too so you have to live with the black women so great but i mean 1.00

01:05:40.300 that's like that's like one and two-thirds people that's pretty dope 0.97

01:05:43.880 three fists my bad anyways

01:05:48.360 hey adam did you did you guys already cover how you uh how you were challenged to a fight

01:05:55.300 bare knuckle fight with that dude no it wasn't a bare knuckle it was a boxing match

01:05:59.920 i thought it was bare knuckle boxing no no no okay was it oh i think you wanted this is what i was

01:06:05.920 i was looking because clint mentioned it last night because he he was like i i'll box you i said no

01:06:12.060 boxing's gay i was like i'll fight you mma rules right and then he's like nah i like i don't box 0.90

01:06:17.120 boxing's like fight me like a man or don't fight me at all like what are we doing here fight with i 0.65

01:06:21.840 totally agree with that or don't fight me he's throwing down the gauntlet he's like oh we can only

01:06:26.160 fight the style that i know he's like taekwondo no i remember that late kicks only yeah yeah

01:06:30.720 i was in the comments it makes no sense 0.78

01:06:34.320 he was like oh you fucking think you're bad dude right now chess it's like 1.00

01:06:41.320 what we're gonna have a fight and whoever gets knocked out first is a bitch that's like that's 1.00

01:06:49.860 like that millhouse line of the simpsons i will kick your ass at nintendo did anyone else do that 0.99

01:06:56.740 when they were in high school where or even like late soon after high school early college years 0.98

01:07:02.360 where you would get drunk and then uh punch each other in the stomach no all right no no i mean

01:07:09.340 rochambeau was a thing i think i only participated into a rochambeau when i was very young when it was

01:07:15.860 like oh yeah i think my balls can take a beating i mean i mean i mean there are a lot of games where

01:07:20.820 you punch people right like you have the yeah the circle game where you make the white power 0.96

01:07:24.740 hold on wait what no what is that the circle game you put it below your waist and if you see it

01:07:33.700 oh sorry the way a power symbol threw me off i was like wait what sorry i was like i'm the only one that

01:07:42.240 would get hammered with their friends and then challenge their friends to fighting and then no

01:07:46.120 one would want to fight and then you would end up punching each other in the stomach over and over

01:07:48.740 again that didn't happen no no one of my friends sleep punched me in the face once uh that sounds 0.99

01:07:54.760 like an excuse for a dude that just cold yeah he actually punched me with his dick he cold 0.99

01:08:01.620 cocked me because what kind of what kind of poor were you uh i wasn't just as liberty lockdown you 0.99

01:08:09.140 weren't poor i don't actually know your name dude i'm sorry that's fine i remember that guys i had a

01:08:15.960 couple of drinks leave me alone i totally understand okay i wasn't i wasn't raised poor you can call me

01:08:22.300 whatever you want i don't know no i'm just saying okay so you i am i was raised so affluently you can

01:08:27.120 call me okay i was gonna say because you either were raised either so poor that you didn't have a

01:08:34.880 trampoline or trash enough that you had a trampoline where what you would do is once you had a trampoline 0.99

01:08:39.840 or someone had a trampoline you stay over their house and you'd be like yo fucking you had a real 0.98

01:08:43.340 problem you'd be like right now wrestling trampoline dude and you would like you would do a mock fight 0.97

01:08:49.860 like backyard wrestling yeah you would do you would try to hurt each other but in a wrestling way 0.95

01:08:54.500 no dude what we would do with the trampoline with at my white trash cousin's place uh because again it 1.00

01:08:59.120 is it is a thing of they were poor vernacular for this rich asshole in the bottom yeah we had 1.00

01:09:04.440 backyard wrestling in my town it's very white trash that island had backyard wrestling 1.00

01:09:09.020 that shit is real i thought it was a joke on uh workaholics uh let me clarify real quick before 0.99

01:09:18.440 the rumor mill starts because people like to spread shit about me and it's awkward that was a joke i was 0.99

01:09:23.040 raised middle class and i didn't have a trampoline because we were middle class but you did i was i was 0.98

01:09:27.520 affluent enough that i knew someone on my street that had a trampoline and you are absolutely

01:09:31.840 correct we did wrestle on it well there was the nice houses that had a trampoline but then there

01:09:35.940 were also they're like oh you guys actually shouldn't have spent the money on this

01:09:39.900 trailer park trampoline people what are you doing about a used trampoline and you try to jump on it and

01:09:46.800 fall right through it no no no you're like it's between the metal and the bounce part and i just i just

01:09:51.380 shatter my acl and the fucking as a nine-year-old yes and also dusty springs the the the rich people 0.98

01:09:57.960 always had the like the octagon version where it had the walls on the side that was the rich person 0.99

01:10:03.140 trampoline you'd have you would not you can never get hurt on that the poor people one had the rusty 1.00

01:10:07.380 springs you literally like it was basically dang i mean it was actually dangerous for like kids to be

01:10:12.860 on there you know it was used because like even though you weighed 90 pounds you got on it you

01:10:17.220 seemed like you weighed like earthquake it's just like all right this has definitely been used

01:10:22.140 six inches above the ground and i'm like in the middle of the town we called that the tetanus

01:10:28.500 tramp it's just it's just rusty from always being covered in snow and rain because it has no protection 0.95

01:10:34.820 yeah it doesn't ever put the cover over anything well think about how many people have fucked on that 0.99

01:10:39.660 trampoline if you buy a used trampoline homeless people fingers i i yeah i fingered i did i did a 0.98

01:10:44.840 how much piss is on it oh by the way i also the thing the only we never wrestled we guess we 0.64

01:10:52.640 wrestled some but i remember the the number one thing i remember doing on it was we found like a

01:10:57.400 like a chair leg like it was just like a chair leg that screwed into a chair and it was pretty big i

01:11:01.520 mean it was like you know this big and like had like a screw like a bolt coming out the end and we

01:11:07.280 threw that on the trampoline and they're like okay we're gonna jump if it hits you you're out but it's 0.90

01:11:12.620 like a fucking like it's like a 12 pound chair leg just like flying up in the air this is the 0.97

01:11:18.880 moment we realized how cole became retarded this dude that's like the episode of it's always sunny 0.99

01:11:25.080 when they go to the pool and rock and uh mac and charlie just throwing rocks at each other like

01:11:29.220 that's that bro that's exactly what that is we literally used to do that too like i literally there

01:11:34.280 was yeah we played near power lines every day you guys especially oh toad you definitely know

01:11:41.140 those little like balls that fell from trees like the spiky green ones yeah for chestnuts i have a 0.99

01:11:46.420 chestnut in my uh my parents backyard we would whip those motherfuckers at each other oh my god it was 0.98

01:11:51.900 like ice that is terrible you know crab apples crab apples yeah yeah they're not chestnuts they're 0.99

01:11:59.520 like i don't know what they're like just a rotten fucking apple directly to the back i had them in 0.99

01:12:06.620 san diego i don't know what they are called either i don't know oh i just know what you're talking about 0.93

01:12:09.980 i was thinking chestnut trees they have like literally spikes like like two inch like no it's a green

01:12:18.040 and it looks like a it looks like a cush ball yeah it's like a little tiny cush ball but but it 0.98

01:12:22.820 like hurts to hold it hurts like a motherfucker right like a motherfucker it has like tiny blades on 0.98

01:12:29.220 it like a mosquito's needle it's like a throwing star mosquito's needle that's a bad description 1.00

01:12:39.260 that's like written inside of a fucking shitty screenplay it's like a mosquito's needle you're 0.99

01:12:45.180 like that doesn't make any fucking sense the people are saying it's a sweet gum tree i i know 1.00

01:12:50.520 mine is a chestnut tree they're saying y'all's had a sweet gum tree i've never heard you're the 0.95

01:12:55.620 southern coming out right now y'all i have the y'all i have some kind of tree now listen

01:13:02.880 did you ever have the idea to take a trampoline and tip it on its side and then throw baseballs at

01:13:07.980 and turn it into like a no you know i had i had a pitch and catch i had a pitch and catch because i

01:13:13.640 was a pitcher my dad didn't my oh well my dad just didn't like me so i was gonna say i i i definitely

01:13:21.200 was once the nerf ball became flat on one side i was like hell yeah dude you know about lonely

01:13:26.900 children neil's dad didn't like him so much he killed himself no he didn't kill himself he just died 0.79

01:13:32.100 he just died he killed himself he just died oh i was just alcoholism yeah i was just uh

01:13:38.800 filling uh super suckers with piss and going after the kids with that so that sounds like a crime 0.99

01:13:44.480 that would have been on yeah that would have been on site yeah that's like below semen lady 0.99

01:13:49.140 yeah yeah honestly if you're yeah i didn't actually do that okay okay no i've i've heard yeah like 1.00

01:13:56.860 some people yeah and you're also fucking girls toad yeah totally i had this crushing pussy right 1.00

01:14:03.160 now you come 30 times a day and you were just unloading fucking i get it dude you're so hot in 1.00

01:14:08.680 your gamer chair did you guys did you guys uh tp houses when you were kids no i was actually a good 0.99

01:14:14.680 person once yeah i mean once wow all right well that's disappointing to hear i did that uh quite 0.95

01:14:21.140 i'm sorry i'm not a piece of shit you know y'all ever burn down a house like 0.96

01:14:27.260 you just choke the life out of somebody and watch the life leave their eyes no weird 0.95

01:14:34.160 well yours was more like by then it felt hack i not like you i'm not calling you but you're right

01:14:41.620 but at a certain point i don't know maybe because it was i was super into comedy it felt weird to do

01:14:46.520 it because i want you would want to do a mix on it you know what i mean like i should sit on this

01:14:50.220 toilet paper you were super into comedy at 12 years old 100 was doing bits at 12 years old 0.98

01:14:57.300 there's nothing yeah go ahead sorry god damn it your connection god damn it i was like mine 0.99

01:15:07.020 is my connection shit no calls calls oh is that what it is oh my bad go ahead it's back now go ahead 1.00

01:15:14.520 what i was gonna say it was like you were you were trying to ding dong ditch like your friends 1.00

01:15:17.780 were like hey let's go ding dong you're like god that's like really like that's some hacky shit 0.98

01:15:21.000 like that's what we're gonna do like there's like new shit coming out every day and you're doing 0.99

01:15:26.020 like these old bits like you gotta you gotta put a bomb in a mailbox yeah i'm gonna light some dog 0.99

01:15:31.120 poop on fire well i'm also like an art student or something so i'm also just kind of like oh my god

01:15:36.580 jesus christ guys really just doing that uh oh so what i did was education wise i actually made

01:15:43.900 uh paper mache poop and i'm gonna throw it i'm making a craft for no reason well we would do

01:15:50.380 it to our friends nine hours it wasn't as shitty as you guys are making it sound like we would do 0.60

01:15:55.080 it to our friends we would tp each other's houses and it became kind of like a rivalry but then one 0.94

01:15:59.860 of my buddies tj up the game and he used toilet paper he brought no he well that'd be fucked up too 0.99

01:16:05.380 but no he brought over like i don't know what it was salt or gas or something and he and he paint 0.85

01:16:10.460 and he like stenciled his uh his like name into my lawn and it killed off the lawn and it had his 0.98

01:16:18.720 name there and and my stepdad was like i'm gonna kill him like it's over holy shit did he did he 0.98

01:16:25.160 like he wrote it in gasoline and lit it on fire no no no no he used something to kill the ground up 0.99

01:16:31.540 yeah like round up or some shit just like like just sprayed it in his name dude as a if i was a 0.97

01:16:37.160 stepdad i would have lit him up oh yeah no my dad my dad went out that night and bought eggs and 0.98

01:16:43.820 he's like you go hit his fucking family's house right now and that's what we did dude i swear to 0.99

01:16:48.260 god i wanted to escalate by the end you're like i bought you a baseball bat go break his legs 0.99

01:16:54.880 well my stepdad was from new york so he was definitely like but he was like in the suburbs of san 0.87

01:17:00.740 diego so he was definitely like i would like to break this kid's legs but we're just gonna egg

01:17:04.640 his house instead and they're gonna end it now it's a compromise position like it was not uh clint i 1.00

01:17:10.720 need you to go over to his house and fuck his mother okay also if you can murder his baby brother 1.00

01:17:17.660 whatever we'll take it but if you can't we understand you know you put a horse in his put a horse head in 1.00

01:17:23.040 his bed egg his house it's over hey son this is a rhino pill i found at the 7-eleven store i want

01:17:30.880 you to take this and i don't know if it's good for you you're 12 it doesn't matter you don't want 0.98

01:17:35.380 you to figure it out just above fucking age unfortunately according to some people on this 0.98

01:17:39.380 podcast my dad's like i heard about your wet dream i know you can handle this 0.99

01:17:44.100 son i believe in you you can do this

01:17:47.540 i mean i i was stupid but i never i don't think i really ever damaged anybody else's property but i 0.98

01:17:53.780 did stupid shit like one time i was throwing bricks at this metal trough that my parents had in their 0.99

01:17:59.340 yard and i didn't realize there was a huge like hornet's nest in it and they all flew out and stung 1.00

01:18:06.020 me in the face and that's uh when i realized that i was allergic to hornet stings and i almost died

01:18:11.940 oh good i'm sorry two comments two comments in there uh he just wanted clint out of the house

01:18:20.120 so he could do more blow which is what i said uh the move was to spray armor all armor all on the

01:18:27.200 driveway shit would show up every time it rained for years that's me power wash that out i don't 0.98

01:18:34.180 i mean chemicals like that those are stepdad jokes like those are stepdad pranks like it's insanity 0.99

01:18:39.540 how much you realize that fucks with just a man's idea just a person's idea of their home 0.59

01:18:45.220 you're just like i actually ruined your entire life like you you would i would move like i'm not 0.99

01:18:51.160 even kidding i am that type of psycho who would be like nancy i don't know what to tell you i need 0.98

01:18:56.520 to move well it's like or like uh if you know they have this but we have to move or like if you go

01:19:03.200 really into it like look up what they're like the paint they have on the outside of their house and

01:19:07.160 find what like strips that paint or just like just spray that on like if you take chocolate syrup

01:19:12.060 and dump it on a car paint and leave it overnight it will strip the car paint eggs too oh my god 0.96

01:19:18.220 what a unbelievably devout libertarian toad is he's like i don't remember doing any property damage as a 0.99

01:19:25.700 child dude you fucking nerds do some property damage you're a kid come on 1.00

01:19:31.800 fag anything if anything because i'm told it was public probably 1.00

01:19:37.800 taxes are a fraud so really i didn't hurt anyone yeah i was i was actually taking my streets and

01:19:45.700 rioting and firing ar-15s into police stations it was like honestly if i think about it my like

01:19:52.400 like the vandalizing i did was i planted some shrubs outside of somebody's house it looked really

01:19:57.060 nice yeah i planted shrubs in public property and one time i did save the trees program i guess that

01:20:06.380 was it was in front of a mental illness facility i guess i'm kind of a hero so it's like you guys

01:20:11.820 know like assault on precinct one two three it's kind of about me whatever though 0.98

01:20:15.580 isn't it i don't know why'd you have to why'd you have to fucking fact check 0.98

01:20:23.040 because i think he's confusing that with some movie about like a train being high 0.87

01:20:32.180 i don't know i think it might have been you guys are analyzing this too much and you guys are

01:20:36.780 being not funny is the answer i know both of those movies yeah he's like two new york movies just

01:20:43.080 smashed together i don't know yeah yeah he's like someone new york brain knows yeah yeah

01:20:47.680 probably oh by the way it's zell and one two nine eleven if i could play you definitely did a

01:20:53.480 senior prank didn't you on your school uh god i'll have to think about what what we did but

01:20:58.820 i don't remember it offhand i remember i remember the local like i remember a local high school

01:21:02.560 around us it wasn't me i i went to private it was a public school they actually they actually

01:21:07.520 super glued all the locks to the doors uh for the school which basically ruined every door like

01:21:15.080 they had to get a locksmith to replace every lock in the entire school dude yeah it goes sorry

01:21:20.560 no it's like that was just and like they got all got out of school for a day so it was actually

01:21:24.200 a pretty cool senior prank i think but that was yeah i mean like you hear about senior

01:21:28.560 pranks and i started to have this theory that christian or like all boys school they would be

01:21:33.980 they would have this edge to them that were like terrifying you'd be like yeah like like a kid would

01:21:40.160 be like telling me about you like i'd meet us somebody and they'd just be like yeah no christian

01:21:44.480 all boys school and then like so what we did was right we glued all the locks to the doors right 0.95

01:21:49.360 and then we just like it's insanity and then we raped a dog wait 0.61

01:21:54.000 and then we locked that dog in a library room and we turned it down 0.97

01:21:59.840 and the dog the dog was mentally ill right so listen 0.83

01:22:04.600 so it barked retarded i want to say i want to say it was either the same year or the year after 0.86

01:22:10.820 they did actually like uh put a goat on the roof of the uh like of the school yeah and the legend up

01:22:17.120 there they watched somebody at my school put a goat in like the bathroom near the cafeteria and

01:22:22.840 it just shit all over the bathroom i know that now that you guys have goats all of them sorry 0.97

01:22:27.900 now that i've thought about this a lot uh i i remember that we did not have a senior prank but 0.94

01:22:33.740 there's a good reason for that you guys are too young to remember i think but my senior year was 0.82

01:22:38.920 right after column columbine so there was no fucking there was no prankers younger than you 0.93

01:22:44.800 it's like the senior prank was we all showed up with ar-15s and it was like it was hilarious it was 1.00

01:22:51.340 like the war on terror had began in our high school years so there was no fucking pranking to be had i 0.95

01:22:57.160 just basically didn't go to school and got drunk during my senior year so that was fun 0.77

01:23:00.880 i did california that's not even i did finger guns at a kid and actually it's possible problem

01:23:08.180 it was an issue somebody in my school captured a possum and let it loose in the school

01:23:13.880 god damn the amount of work like it's like i mean the amount of laziness we had just would have overrid

01:23:22.600 any of that like there's you either have availability to possums you know what i mean like or we're just 0.98

01:23:28.680 like nah man we're just gonna go use our money to go get paid or something this was like probably

01:23:34.260 the dumbest prank that i saw somebody in my graduating class moved a toilet onto the uh school 0.98

01:23:41.180 grounds like right out front of the school and wrote class of 2003 is the shit in pre-c's on it 0.99

01:23:47.580 and i was like that's amazing jock fucking joke there was uh there isn't the joke on you it's like 0.95

01:23:55.020 you were class of 2003 i was i was i was oh four yeah but i thought he's a class of 92 0.84

01:24:03.100 that's rough toad's a year older than me toad's got to be like class of 08 you're 03 yeah yeah i'm 04

01:24:11.780 neil what are you 06 man oh am i bad at math how how did you how old are you 36 dude i'm sorry i 0.91

01:24:20.460 i thought you were like code is super old and then now it's like oh shit toad are you all right 0.77

01:24:27.140 dude are you are you are you today dude we actually need to be worried about your health 0.97

01:24:32.260 this is actually an intervention for toad i'm having a colonoscopy tomorrow it's all right 0.99

01:24:37.560 yeah go get your prostate exam please can you uh i love having to shut up my ass it's older like 1.00

01:24:43.760 regular people but faster but faster don't don't fact check my fucking jokes either right 1.00

01:24:48.780 how do you have progeria but not at the same time 0.99

01:24:51.440 you look like you're progeria which makes no sense 1.00

01:24:56.420 yeah it's like uh dude when you when you get a colonoscopy i really want to try to push back

01:25:03.380 on it i know i shouldn't but it's a dumb joke but i just want to be like

01:25:07.820 i just want to push back on it just a little i know it's hack that's the best john malaney joke 0.71

01:25:15.160 man that's the best john malaney is like oh see that isn't oh yeah that is a malaney joke you 0.94

01:25:19.880 fucking i'm a fucking hack you and we're coming she made us look down at the show i'm hack for 0.99

01:25:25.700 tp as a 12 year old he's fucking over here as a 30 year old stealing jokes you know he's 1.00

01:25:30.340 guys i don't support over here i'll do the fucking malaney like thing right now i'll 0.99

01:25:37.740 butcher it but i'll but no basically he was just he was just saying how he uh he had he wanted to 0.96

01:25:42.820 get i believe um is it prozac oh the anxiety thing he wanted to get the anxiety thing and so he was

01:25:49.280 like and so he had to make up a reason it was xanax that's what it was he's like he had to make

01:25:52.820 up a reason so he said i i'm been pissing a lot and the doctor asked how many times are you pissing

01:25:57.120 a day and he said like right 23 times a day and he was like too many that cause a problem right

01:26:02.280 and he was like i gotta check your prostate and so he like he like he said he first he got up and 0.66

01:26:06.920 he was like like this and the doctor was like no on your elbows like this and he was like this is

01:26:11.720 so much worse position and then like he did make the uh sound whatever and then after he did that he

01:26:19.220 said i'm sorry and so the colonoscopy is the insert a camera they put you out for that you're not awake

01:26:25.460 yeah yeah neil's like no it's a process it wasn't a colonoscopy it was a prostate

01:26:30.220 right no no he was like i want to be awake for my colonoscopy yeah i like that i want to feel it

01:26:35.720 that camera that they use it's always like that first person's perspective obviously because it's

01:26:40.920 you know just your colon so it's like the first person's perspective you would see and like look

01:26:46.040 who's talking so i just i just think it's a dog's voice like i'm just doing the dog's voice 0.97

01:26:50.260 i'm just doing a voice like oh what's inside your butthole oh what's in here oh this is a big 0.82

01:26:57.220 polyp whoa just doing that voice having fun with the doctor people are giving their uh senior pranks 0.99

01:27:04.320 in the comments now somebody said they put fish in the ceiling all the time it's high school that's

01:27:08.380 good but like dirty work prank yeah that's a that's an evil that's it's gonna stink my husband and

01:27:14.740 two friends borrowed a friend's three cows broke into the high school and let them just stay in

01:27:19.980 there over the weekend oh let's put them to the cows somebody at a school uh near one of mine

01:27:25.960 uh let three chickens loose in their school and they numbered them one two and four that's funny

01:27:31.340 oh that's the old that's the old like uh slippery pig thing you would like you would like lube up a

01:27:36.940 pig let it loose and then you name one like one and then the other one's named three and then you

01:27:41.560 don't have a second pick right and then everyone's looking for the slippery second this wasn't really 0.64

01:27:45.140 a prank but it's it kind of became one and it's a really funny story i had this teacher who had

01:27:50.620 sued the school because she believed that she had gotten um uh mold poisoning from like talks black 1.00

01:27:57.240 so she gets this huge settlement she gets this huge settlement but they can't fire because she's 1.00

01:28:03.040 tenured and it was totally like fraudulent and she's this morbidly obese white lady total piece 1.00

01:28:07.460 of shit and now she's retarded because of the mold i wish i wish it's better than that it must be this 1.00

01:28:12.640 mold not all this diet coke i'm drinking and exactly she's like she's like mainlining aspartame uh or 1.00

01:28:19.560 aspartame and and she's and she believed that um your metabolism if you slowed it down you could

01:28:28.160 live forever so she thought that if you kept it cold because hot made it so that your metabolism would 0.98

01:28:33.100 pick up if you kept the room cold you would live longer i shit you not and she would keep the air 1.00

01:28:39.080 conditioning she would keep the air conditioning at like 62 degrees all year round so i had to bring 0.99

01:28:44.280 a sweatshirt just for one class this one psycho lady and she was like 50 years old super fat this 1.00

01:28:50.340 bitch dropped dead five years after i graduated and i was like good cold doesn't keep you alive you 1.00

01:28:56.120 lunatic what if she was supposed to die what if she was supposed to die 20 years ago because she 1.00

01:29:00.600 literally was like she actually keep her alive for longer yeah right when she cryogenically frozen 0.94

01:29:05.660 the whole time she just slowly thawed out she's doing she's like encino man like you know you can

01:29:13.380 you can freeze a fly and then uh it can it'll just like come back to life basically there's a lot

01:29:19.420 there's a lot of creatures that you can do that with yeah cockroaches homeless people you can you can

01:29:25.240 actually freeze calm and then smear it on your face off your face that's like a bit

01:29:29.620 wait you can do it though like on uh friday and saturday nights i'll do it every every night so 0.99

01:29:37.060 it's actually my favorite type of porno it's eskimo bukkake and the cum just freezes and shatters 0.99

01:29:43.480 on her face please inuit bukkake by the way by the way like precise for the language for no reason 0.99

01:29:49.780 it's like why are you being so precise i don't want to look at anybody it's like you did watch you

01:29:56.280 did uh commentate on that girl uh talking about having all the uh vaccines and the boosters and

01:30:02.200 then passing out you definitely watch that video and commented on that on the comedian right yes the

01:30:07.340 woman oh heather mcdonald yeah who passed out on stage yes you definitely talked about that on your

01:30:13.140 podcast didn't you no we actually no we actually oh no we're bad comics you never talked about it

01:30:16.840 oh my god that is like one of the because we don't respect women comedian on our show 0.99

01:30:21.120 it was the funniest it was the funniest like bit she's ever done

01:30:26.400 bad comics yeah i was like i was like a comedian who got over vaccinated and then fell and shattered

01:30:33.480 your skull bob saget i love the phrase over

01:30:37.300 i love dude i'm gonna tell people i'm like i think i'm over max

01:30:43.160 i had too many

01:30:46.600 i got too many to keep up with i lost

01:30:50.780 hey just for the record there was a story out of israel today where they said do not take the

01:30:55.660 fourth okay yeah i saw additional improvement so it was actually such a thing by the way it'd be

01:31:00.140 really funny if you get pulled over you've been drinking and driving you get pulled over

01:31:03.180 i've been over vaxxed sorry i've been over vaxxed it's been it's been crazy but i mean

01:31:08.680 you're protected right now but i am he's like have you been over served uh no it's weird story 0.58

01:31:14.240 actually just over vaxxed and i can't explain you think i'm fucking i'm over vaxxing 0.96

01:31:22.140 i'm getting back in line like just a complete not they don't understand science at all they're 0.98

01:31:39.760 just i'm getting double they have to cut you off

01:31:44.000 your back looks like whenever they test for the uh like when you're allergic to something it's 0.99

01:31:49.660 just like 30 fucking things oh yeah it looks like body morph like he looks like he's cutting 0.97

01:31:55.620 himself like on purpose it's just a real he just grows like a he just grows like a thing shoulder 0.99

01:32:01.340 it's like it's just solid rock now he's like i think i took too many shots in this arm it's just

01:32:04.820 solid rock your life just becomes the uh the like the movie uh the fly where you actually start

01:32:10.560 everything starts like falling off there's just a guy cleaning a syringe like i think you've been

01:32:16.180 over vaxxed i don't think you're gonna be able to have another vaxx i'm cutting you off 0.98

01:32:23.460 sorry you can't even stand anymore you've had way too many vaccines

01:32:27.780 sir you have a you've definitely been over vaxxed man 1.00

01:32:31.980 so where's our fucking milk drinking pussy milk yeah 1.00

01:32:39.660 wouldn't it be the perfect part time that'd be so good that's the perfect ending to the show 1.00

01:32:44.820 is him coming on just drinking it and then we're done panicked she was shot real quick i'm sorry

01:32:51.020 for patreon like

01:32:52.040 you know yeah i gotta look you gotta lick out the residue too he has to finish it like it's not 0.59

01:32:58.360 you gotta yeah you gotta look like a cat too i want to do a little tongue

01:33:02.360 that's right we should all just we should all just exit the show right as he drinks it and just have

01:33:09.520 him have to sit there by himself like leave it yeah leave it recording yeah honestly i think we just

01:33:16.360 keep we all go just leave the stream up until he gets ready to do it and i mean just let it go

01:33:20.880 and like however long it takes if it takes a week we'll just keep the stream running a week long

01:33:25.680 until he just gets on here does one shot and then it ends we can make this a weirdly tradition

01:33:30.000 this is how we combine both shows a cult tradition every year we can we get here once a year to see

01:33:38.500 if he drinks the milk or not as punishment you should make him freeze it like a little popsicle

01:33:44.180 and then he just has to lick it like slowly as you guys are doing your show he's just like great

01:33:50.160 yeah that's it no i think that's really funny you know what would be dope though is if he does this

01:33:55.340 and then all of a sudden he starts getting boners whenever he sees his hairless cats like 0.93

01:33:58.920 i hope it gives him some weird ass kink i think he doesn't want to do it because the flavor 0.79

01:34:05.080 yeah exactly like you don't want to like this is gonna unlock something 0.96

01:34:08.440 and he might love it and now his new thing is milking his own cats to drink 0.96

01:34:12.140 we should call animal protective services and have them fucking swat him while he's doing this 0.94

01:34:21.800 well we asked him we were like have you ever have you ever tried the cat's milk before and he was 0.98

01:34:27.720 like i don't know maybe and i was like that means yes that means yes

01:34:32.820 like it's at the same time like you don't go like if i ask you did you try your wife's breast

01:34:39.340 milk when she was pregnant you don't go man i can't remember oh yes you and i did that on a

01:34:45.560 podcast we did and it tastes good doesn't it no another woman's breast milk yeah it tastes great

01:34:53.560 doesn't it it does amazing yeah mine was cut adam's wasn't i felt like i i felt like i missed out

01:34:58.200 because mine was oh yeah no i cut straight from the tap he was like it was actually i was i got

01:35:07.200 super hot i'm trying but i can't it's hard to get your hands on it right now i'm just getting

01:35:12.520 every every time i try to get breast milk it's got fentanyl right now it sucks i'm trying but

01:35:19.360 it's every time it sucks but that's actually that's why george floyd was actually high on 0.84

01:35:23.720 fentanyl because that pregnant chick that he pointed the gun at he was actually trying to 1.00

01:35:27.200 suck on titties that's a great line by the way that's uh i believe that's on the conspiracy wall 0.99

01:35:34.080 isn't that on the conspiracy wall check the wall check the wall wow get the narcan george took too 1.00

01:35:40.540 much breast milk by that chick he was threatening fucking my life is over yeah up here i can see 0.99

01:35:47.780 now my canceling yep you're right research is so explicit on here it's ridiculous that was 0.99

01:35:54.680 so many red ribbons fucking string it's got it's got big circles oh my god this is 0.96

01:36:04.540 me i'm really also by the way uh jose this at the same time he goes maybe i can't remember if i tried 0.97

01:36:11.980 it or not but i'm pretty sure like it would taste like fish and i was like that's what he said he was

01:36:18.300 like it would probably taste like their food you know way too much about this i'm pretty sure you've

01:36:23.240 definitely tried tried it before is your friend are you guys like a friend group from the hangover 0.97

01:36:28.220 like is he zack galvanakis the fuck is going on here i don't know i imagine it would i would 0.92

01:36:34.400 imagine it would taste like fish you're like why are you so calm no actually jose actually is zack 0.95

01:36:40.480 galvanakis he says play the video in the chat i'm not going to do it because i don't want to show

01:36:44.900 the i don't want to share our chat like it's not probably it's probably literally just that to it i

01:36:49.640 mean what do we do are we talking bad about adam in there or something yeah god forbid guys you

01:36:54.440 know using the end god forbid i'm already on a pod with this kind of god forbid we draw the line

01:37:04.300 i'm not going to show our chat i don't i don't want to know i don't want to see his cat what do we

01:37:10.760 need to see that for it's a three second video so i mean i'll do it well let's see how funny this guy

01:37:15.620 let's see if he did a bit out of it or not i think that's what i'm no it's literally just watching

01:37:19.520 this this hairless cat like feed its kittens i mean it is

01:37:24.180 milk in time oh god no i hate it it looks like an alien i hate it the baby looks like an alien the 0.93

01:37:34.740 kitten looks like an alien first jose doesn't show up for the episode he doesn't then he doesn't drink

01:37:39.660 milk from his cat and then he makes us watch a three second video of his cat like feeding its

01:37:44.880 now we're all hard

01:37:47.520 and then now we have to end the show because we're all boned up oh yeah we're all i mean 1.00

01:37:55.480 rock hard right now yeah i can see the head of your dick it's fucking it's upsetting how much i can 1.00

01:38:01.020 see it popping up it's oh man what a bummer the wet dream clint's gonna have tonight about this 1.00

01:38:05.660 is gonna be amazing it's him being drowned in milk yes i'm gonna have to call my mom to do my

01:38:12.640 sheets again this is gonna be i was gonna say mom you're not gonna believe it i was drowning in

01:38:17.020 milk this time it's crazy it's getting weirder it's so weird because i had a really mom it happened

01:38:21.900 again i don't know similar just like stop calling me you're 40 yeah i was really hitting on this it's

01:38:28.340 like the third time you brought that up you did you have her in similar dreams as yeah yeah but my

01:38:33.120 mine the the walls of the pool were mirrors so i basically was watching myself like swim right into

01:38:39.160 the side of the pool and like just shatter my head basically and drown that way like a cad

01:38:45.720 pole and that's when i was that way you're all coming together i don't know man i like that toad's

01:38:49.780 dreams are like uh bond films openings like how they always it's like it's him blasting into a camera 0.99

01:38:56.420 and then shatters into fucking then adele opens up she's like yeah she's like there was a liar 1.00

01:39:03.660 and then the smoke stream drops through yeah i love it i mean actually in another one where i was 1.00

01:39:09.660 gunned down by the mafia so damn washington and train day 0.52

01:39:14.560 i think i had all falling mine were all it wasn't drowning it was always i was i was falling off a 0.99

01:39:23.020 hall a high height it was always that for me it was always like oh um uh roller coaster spent off the

01:39:30.880 side and then it's just like oh shit like it's that every time it was always that it was always 0.69

01:39:34.840 that was just because you just watched final destination three yeah it was always that actually 0.97

01:39:40.080 that is apt that is actually correct i don't i don't dream anymore because of weed so that's done

01:39:46.260 but when i used to dream when i used to dream i used to have a lot of dreams where i'm in a fight

01:39:51.460 and the punches don't work oh man oh that's me dude all the time that's mine i had one dream where

01:39:58.940 i can actually like land bombs and i was like this is awesome but all my other dreams same thing

01:40:04.360 and i was a terrorist in a dream i was like landing over the saudi terrorist 9-11

01:40:10.720 i was approaching the twin towers i was on a good vector coming in low

01:40:16.580 and i had this immediate feeling of freedom i don't know what it was i knew i was right

01:40:23.120 they found my passport though crazy and i woke up it was wild i i felt freedom and i felt like i was

01:40:30.480 taking the freedom of all americans away too at the same time it was it was and i had to tell my mom

01:40:36.060 that my uh sheets weigh 12 pounds it was a whole thing then these 72 virgins arrive and then i wet the 1.00

01:40:42.480 bed again yeah i came so yeah i wet the bed again i was unfortunate oh when clint said landing bombs

01:40:48.160 i thought he was like riding on the back of one like in dr strange love oh yeah yeah yeah that's

01:40:55.440 kind of what i was picturing right it's like uh the old school film stuff of like the uh the bullet

01:41:00.520 riding to the moon's eye like the original animation i feel like adam's the only one that got that

01:41:06.920 reference because he probably is an mma fan like me because landing bombs is like that i think that's a

01:41:11.940 robin i'm like i'm retarded man i'm sorry yeah i'm like a gigantic poo poo so i'm just surprised 0.94

01:41:21.480 so didn't get it because he also well he bets on mma but he also says he doesn't watch the fight so

01:41:25.660 maybe that's why he doesn't hear the commentary i know i i'll see how it plays out actually oh really

01:41:31.760 okay yeah so i guess just you you and i clint yeah i just i don't know why neil watches the

01:41:39.440 fights though in our uh we do the patreon i love i love watch i actually love it the way i absorb it

01:41:45.100 like the way i absorb it i know it's stupid i know guys get upset because i don't track like sports and 0.97

01:41:49.700 stuff but i i honestly do i just don't have time for it in my mental like my fucking headspace 0.96

01:41:53.720 so i actually like i know just enough to be like oh adam is that that move like and you're like yes 0.79

01:41:59.080 right exactly like a child yeah like i get feeling out of that i shove him treats

01:42:04.640 you're my you're my daddy and i kind of go like right daddy i understand how that works that's a

01:42:10.960 kimura right and you're just like yes yes you know that's a kimura you got it daddy what would you do

01:42:16.660 i was like i probably i don't know hit your mom because i would be a fighter who's addicted to

01:42:21.740 something i don't know i don't know like whenever somebody mentions bombs i just immediately think

01:42:27.340 about terrorist acts and not not and not mma's fights no because that's more about all of you

01:42:32.680 than it does me because you're not into violent sports okay you're just you said haymakers would be

01:42:38.700 haymakers exact context i said i had the dream where i can't punch people and stuff like i had

01:42:43.820 i had it one time where i could land bombs and it felt great what else would that mean

01:42:47.820 thank you i got it too by the way let's keep talking about how it didn't work let's keep 0.92

01:42:54.960 hammering it yeah really keep understanding that i'm an idiot and by hammering it i don't mean 0.99

01:43:01.740 literal hammers you psychopath 0.99

01:43:03.280 i was picturing like the screen that you might have when you're dropping a drone bomb on like a 0.95

01:43:10.920 wedding in afghanistan we get it we get it he's saying the same joke just

01:43:17.380 getting better we're trying to end the podcast and he's like no i was picturing the green footage

01:43:24.260 you know what i mean and i'm like toads like i'm picturing a horse that i'm just kicking over and 0.98

01:43:29.400 over again but it's already dead yeah it's kind of picturing that and i just keep beating the shit 0.93

01:43:35.380 i was landing bombs on this horse this is this is an improvement because polpo accused us of taking 0.98

01:43:41.800 other people's jokes and beating them to death we're now beating our own jokes today so we've

01:43:45.720 stepped up our game improvement you know what would you get when you get two high-level talents

01:43:50.980 what are you gonna do when you got this kind of t-level

01:43:56.480 adam you'll you'll also be at lp florida yeah no no i thought you said this weekend so i thought

01:44:04.240 no no no no no no i'm not going to florida we'll be at pa okay go ahead and tell people where they

01:44:10.600 can get tickets to see you guys oh yeah uh do plugs now you guys do plugs yeah so the next thing you

01:44:19.420 see both of us at we'll be at the pennsylvania convention which is uh march 4th at 6 30 you can

01:44:24.760 get tickets at the door i think even for 20 bucks uh but then i'm also opening up for the

01:44:29.620 fucking day smith tom wood speech value that's actually way good value yeah it's it's me myself 0.85

01:44:35.580 it's myself fucking neil and uh our opener blaze gagekis he's he's coming out and then uh three 0.98

01:44:40.860 comics for 20 and that's that's a situation where dave won't be worried that the opener will 0.95

01:44:46.620 will be way better than he is that no that's not even part of that show it's a separate thing

01:44:51.840 after that then i'm opening up for dave and tom's speech i'm just doing a half hour set 0.99

01:44:57.520 so it's two separate things yeah you fucking assholes dude we're on our own show first you 1.00

01:45:02.960 dicks how dare you how dare you guys yeah and then the week after that we have robbie bernstein coming 1.00

01:45:10.720 out to our monthly show we run and shall find pennsylvania is right outside of philly so anybody 0.96

01:45:15.040 listening who's from philly it's like it's like literally it's not that far out coming out we

01:45:18.620 got robbie bernstein headlining um that's the march 12th two shows seven and 9 30 you can get

01:45:24.320 tickets at droptent.com slash events and uh march 22nd i'll be at the stand in new york coming out

01:45:30.120 uh and the other big one i want to plug is april 30th up in new hampshire i'll be at the shell

01:45:35.420 headlining neil's uh gonna feature it's gonna be fucking great it's gonna be fucking awesome so 0.81

01:45:39.720 coming out buy those tickets if we can do two shows great right now it's just one so buy your tickets 0.65

01:45:43.820 drop that.com slash events for those tickets and then of course check out cult of us our podcast

01:45:49.400 that we do together uh youtube.com slash cult of us odyssey we're in odyssey and all the audio 0.95

01:45:53.100 platforms and adam nutter and i am new i am neil wood get those motherfuckers from twitter followers 0.89

01:45:57.960 he needs them i don't even know he had a twitter i am neil i am neil wood i don't even know who he is 0.90

01:46:04.980 i am i am clint russell from liberty lockdown and you can follow me on spotify apple podcast google

01:46:10.600 podcast everywhere that you purchase your podcast you can search liberty lockdown and you will find

01:46:15.720 me and i'm at liberty lock pod on twitter that's it oh well i'm sorry porcupine my other i was about

01:46:23.660 to ask you i was like you're gonna plug your own uh my my the news libertarian podcast to do uh

01:46:30.740 porcupine which uh it's it's that's also available everywhere youtube.com slash adam nutter for that

01:46:35.460 on all audio platforms i we just helps to the the lppa chair q a that was fucking crazy we had 0.97

01:46:41.200 walden burger on it did you milk him i saw some of that i've always i've always tried this i've always 0.73

01:46:47.700 had this fetish about milking walden burger no that's the hell out of the internet forever uh yeah 0.99

01:46:52.860 he was on it so you know you could go see that it's on my youtube i want to milk him and fucking 1.00

01:46:57.060 make cupcakes out of it i'm just wondering what he's like hiding under his boobs 0.98

01:47:01.560 brady uh send us five dollars and we'll tell uh tell adam that he isn't funny uh so yeah or send 0.68

01:47:09.120 me five dollars and i'll tell myself i'm not funny or actually you could go to our patreon patreon.com

01:47:15.000 slash cult of us one dollar gets you in the door boom all right final plug i promise i'm done all

01:47:20.400 cool go oh am i allowed to sorry can i uh dad yeah no it's fine thank you adam for speaking for

01:47:29.540 me he always lets adam plug so it's all right yeah yeah uh i mean i'm at uh tomorrow night if

01:47:35.460 this is live i believe it is right uh jj if you're in philly in the philly area uh jj mullins

01:47:40.840 or whatever like that it's on my instagram but again yeah i am he'll want to go there thank you

01:47:46.760 very much and uh thank you adam for allowing me my time i appreciate it oh my god thank you 0.98

01:47:51.580 appreciate it don't let it happen oh i'll fucking trounce you if i see you on the throat you're on 1.00

01:47:58.200 site just like you know i don't see you ever because you're a band in our podcast we saw each 1.00

01:48:01.680 other yesterday you old fucking women dude like you old fucking married couple over here just 1.00

01:48:07.380 he left the show last night nipples dude oh god he left the show last night saucy his girlfriend 1.00

01:48:13.240 had to act treat like his boyfriend no it was just nice to leave during your set

01:48:17.700 he was like neil's like i was just following the rest of the crowd leaving and it was i was like

01:48:25.340 yeah i was like oh i'm gonna scoot with them dude i've heard you yeah i got you i'm gonna go

01:48:28.900 it was pretty funny because uh he leans into me even before i go up he's like yeah i'm gonna leave

01:48:34.180 in the middle of your set because she has to go home i was like okay i knew it was a thing like i

01:48:40.060 was actually like we were gonna leave but i knew i was just like you know it'd be fun if i just

01:48:42.960 waited two jokes and then got up and it was 0.99

01:48:44.800 you at least gotta say something too and then i'd be like this guy's a fucking hack and then just 1.00

01:48:52.300 leave and just like fucking pedophile and i just 1.00

01:48:55.560 it's like yo what no what now the rest of my stats defending myself 1.00

01:49:02.140 no that's my friend never mind i heard i heard that on uh two bears one cave today

01:49:08.580 uh tom was talking about it tom segura and he was saying that that someone who killed themselves

01:49:13.900 two days prior said that seth green was a pedophile yeah and then he then he killed himself and i was 0.54

01:49:20.600 like that's actually an awesome prank if you're like if you plan to kill yourself and you're just 0.83

01:49:24.840 like hey i'm gonna call all my friends just say some random person as well

01:49:31.060 i was touched by this is this is for you man you did this yeah wait is ukraine being under attack

01:49:39.280 right now it's been under attack kind of but is it like under under attack that's what these

01:49:44.380 people in the comments are saying i mean if you live in ukraine you're kind of under attack just

01:49:48.500 24 7 explosions heard across ukraine after my life announces special military operations lebron

01:49:53.660 james is a terrorist and then you go yeah i'm still i'm still thinking of fun outing someone

01:50:00.380 hardly you're like what wait what did he just say and then he killed world war three is trending on 0.59

01:50:04.680 twitter oh my god actually it was a kobe bryant's helicopter pilot actually crash landed in the

01:50:11.940 region you had to bring up a kobe dying story it's so sad hey i did want to ask you guys

01:50:16.640 if this idea makes sense because and we'll get out of here after this but uh generals in in you know

01:50:22.800 good civilizations were forced to fight you know on the front lines with their troops that was like

01:50:28.340 that's how they limited warfare because obviously the guys that could decide if we're going to go to

01:50:33.860 war they have to have some skin in the game why don't we just make it so that everyone in congress

01:50:39.560 doesn't have to necessarily fight on the front line but they have to have a child in the war on the

01:50:45.820 front line i love punishing the children okay yeah i'm down with you i'm down with i mean they

01:50:51.900 punish our kids why can't we punish yeah absolutely yeah yeah well joe biden sent uh beau biden to his 0.99

01:50:57.860 death so i don't even think that would stop them oh yeah he's inhaled all the smoke pits and shit 1.00

01:51:02.340 right yeah yeah you got a brain yeah and his other son is don't inhale doodoo 1.00

01:51:09.360 the more you know it's better to be a pedophile crack addict than dead so 0.99

01:51:18.280 that is gonna be clip i got it i got it i got it sorry by the way to tweet that because that's

01:51:29.120 hilarious every time every time someone mentions oh yeah yeah yeah every time that's hunter biden's 0.98

01:51:34.820 biography autobiography at least i'm not beau brother who inhaled shit i did fuck his wife though high 0.99

01:51:44.600 five right it's like colon but i did bang your wife and she wasn't even that great it was just i 1.00

01:51:53.540 just did it for pity basically i did it for the lulls i don't know i don't understand how the left

01:51:59.160 dragged trump all those years with his kids because he was like kind of into his super hot daughter let's 1.00

01:52:04.300 let's like mention the fact that his daughter is so hot so like if he wants to fuck her i get it 1.00

01:52:10.000 anyway it's so crazy so out of the hotness for her even even that just type of skinny it's just i'm 0.99

01:52:16.240 just so not even that so oh you're like you're like yeah yeah i did like that kind of that you 0.97

01:52:21.060 like ukrainian look and shit whatever that shit is i just go like i really hope all those ukrainian 1.00

01:52:26.360 women die like i hope something happens soon to where they are oh shit i just really dug myself 1.00

01:52:32.620 a hole uh fuck i don't know man my porn watching history would uh tell me that there are some hot 1.00

01:52:39.380 ukrainian women out there no it's near you and they're ready and you can purchase them and they 1.00

01:52:45.220 will be shipped to your front door it's incredible i don't know maybe it's maybe it's the force

01:52:49.280 feeding italians gave me i just the the too skinny thing there's just a thing of i don't know what it 0.99

01:52:55.960 is with me i just go like you look like a fucking beanpole dude i know right i look like a beanpole 0.99

01:53:01.520 totally 100 and i know it's because i used to be a fat kid and everyone doesn't believe me i go like 0.99

01:53:06.380 i understand i get it i have it under control somewhat but also you'll find me fucking just 0.97

01:53:10.640 gorging on you bring a fucking snack food into my house and see how i can't tame myself yeah i will 1.00

01:53:16.580 fucking eat everything in fairness you have to eat a ton to be really overweight at six five yeah 1.00

01:53:22.400 you gotta really commit to it it's like it's the same way as like getting like skinny like you 0.99

01:53:28.360 actually have to commit to getting fat you're just like uh i'm on a regiment right now like i got

01:53:33.080 i mean like 18 uh debbie cakes a day it's actually pretty great i'm just hardy's and diet coke is

01:53:39.420 really what i've been kind of doing you know just a solid i think if i i really have to you know

01:53:44.020 buckle down i might have to go with actual regular coke i might actually have to do it

01:53:46.840 per capita there is no country on earth with more hot women than ukraine uh contrary to neil's 0.92

01:53:52.860 no no we look this up you are correct you know you are correct i'm so sorry you you are right

01:53:58.200 because i actually we brought this up in a podcast adam you remember i was talking about this when we

01:54:02.280 talked about like who has something about the prettiest women or whatever and you forget it's again i

01:54:07.760 realize how much like but if you look at models quote-unquote models like red carpet or whatever like

01:54:13.020 now like doing the fashion shit yeah i'm just like i feel nothing i feel like i just go like i i 0.72

01:54:19.120 sorry i feel nothing for you i don't know that's okay jose jose on the show usually the one that was 0.95

01:54:24.560 supposed to drink the cat milk uh he likes chunky chicks too i get it it's true okay well wow i love 0.99

01:54:29.820 that it's just that black and white with the fucking cat milk asshole i'm like what because i don't like 1.00

01:54:38.300 ukrainian skinny they're about to be so much skinnier actually take that out some guy just 0.99

01:54:43.160 comes in here and just says lebanon oh my god so i don't know if something else like lebanon

01:54:48.000 we need to get off this podcast 0.68

01:54:50.160 shut the fuck up i'm just gonna plugs tower can call uh i had my uh two and a half takes last night 0.97

01:54:57.940 my sports podcast clint was on it we argued about kobe bryant it was really fun uh so check that out 0.98

01:55:02.900 and then next to and also gonna be at lp florida convention this weekend with clint with uh

01:55:08.100 uh top lopsa jose libertarian friendship simulator guys the swamp cast guys dave uh and clint did you

01:55:14.740 want to talk about what you're doing there also yeah dude uh everybody show up to melbourne florida

01:55:19.880 on saturday i will be on stage with dave smith talking about uh tactics for messaging moving forward

01:55:26.580 with the libertarian party and i can't believe i got this opportunity and i'm very very very nervous

01:55:32.260 uh but i think i'll do all right so we'll see yeah don't go to the other melbourne because you'll 0.92

01:55:37.560 be fucked they won't allow you they'll never let you back out so don't do that you go to the 1.00

01:55:42.540 american brand if you go to melbourne you're fine if you go to melbourne you're in trouble yeah 1.00

01:55:46.160 toad finishes us out uh adam neil thanks for having coming on love you guys well hey by the way adam

01:55:55.840 like you're it was you're getting pretty close i mean to like the comedians on the show like i mean

01:56:00.900 crip daddy though crip daddy like killed it i mean you're right i mean i feel like we had a

01:56:06.200 great show how it was a great one i mean you i mean you you you batted a perfect you pitched a

01:56:11.280 perfect game for you and then a little bit it's fine it's fine we won't that's fine it's fine

01:56:16.940 at the beginning it's fine new to the show he had a little you know i'm so sorry guys yeah i

01:56:21.500 really didn't feel like i was like you missed a perfect game but then neil all i mean he was

01:56:25.680 i was really hit shit i mean yeah i get it sometimes you know what it is i'm a michael 0.74

01:56:31.080 jordan guy so it's like i i don't do bad like baseball so i gotta go after my regular basketball 0.96

01:56:37.260 is cult of us that's what i do that's where i'm at when i go to another thing i'm not as good 0.95

01:56:41.800 understandable yeah you're on the road you're you're split home and away are fucked up i get it 0.98

01:56:47.560 it happens to all of us oh but you guys would have had a great podcast without me so it's like you 0.99

01:56:51.180 know what i mean like you guys would have been it'd be dope if the fucking if a mushroom cloud 0.97

01:56:57.740 just showed up right behind me that would be actually really awesome just watch your final 0.99

01:57:03.300 seconds my whole screen goes fancy and you guys are like holy fucking shit but it but it happens 0.97

01:57:10.280 like in uh in t2 whenever but you're like you're molesting me i hold onto the camera yeah you hold 0.98

01:57:15.900 on the camera and then it's just like it's you there and then the next and like just literally

01:57:20.320 one second later it's just bones and then like you're still screaming well listen man it's not

01:57:27.240 about the thinness of the ukrainian chicks it's that everybody knows that eastern european chicks have 1.00

01:57:31.520 the best nipples so that's all i'll say about that all right in the in the podcast

01:57:35.500 weird way to end it that's perfect 0.95

01:57:38.260 weird way to end it that's perfect

01:58:06.460 weird way to end it that's perfect

Tower Gang - February 25, 2022

Ep 58 - The Lower Half of Hillary w⧸ Adam Nutter & Neil Wood

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Transcript