Tower Gang - Ep 80 - Pissing Cum w⧸ Melissa Diaz

00:00:00.360 What's up, retards? 1.00

00:00:01.900 The funniest 9-11 jokes were written on 9-12. 1.00

00:00:04.560 Women jerk off dicks like fucking they're an unruly ferret. 1.00

00:00:07.640 Yeah. 1.00

00:00:08.520 You ever had a 9-11 cocktail?

00:00:11.620 It's in Manhattan with two kamikazes. 0.97

00:00:13.800 Come in now.

00:00:15.980 You see, the socialists don't have an accurate answer for this, and she needs to account for it. 0.96

00:00:20.700 White women must be stopped. 1.00

00:00:22.700 That's right. 0.99

00:00:23.720 Yeah. 0.99

00:00:25.840 We can stay horny and retarded longer than she can stay sane. 1.00

00:00:30.000 Your ass-to-penis ratio. 1.00

00:00:32.960 Ben, maybe you could say we had sex, but we didn't fuck. 1.00

00:00:35.400 You said nigger. 1.00

00:00:36.340 Oh, Jesus. 0.99

00:00:37.640 Free! 1.00

00:00:39.180 Fat Dave, fuck you, man. 1.00

00:00:41.040 Free! 1.00

00:00:41.940 Free!

00:00:44.960 Welcome, everybody, to Tower Power Hour, episode 5,999,999. 0.98

00:00:51.440 We are, as always, joined by Anarcho underscore Toad as our resident talk shit to guy.

00:00:57.980 Cole, the soon-to-be father of a kid with undoubted Down syndrome, and we have very rare, very rare appearance from the ghost of Las Vegas, Mr. Reed Coverdale, the host of Naturalist Capitalist. 0.95

00:01:10.720 I am Clint Russell, the host of Liberty Lockdown, and we are joined by our very special guest, the comedian to bring down the house, Mrs. Melissa Diaz.

00:01:19.080 Thank you for coming in.

00:01:20.540 Yeah, thanks for having me.

00:01:21.760 That was a very interesting intro.

00:01:24.600 I'll just wait.

00:01:25.220 That was nothing.

00:01:25.840 That was censored, so I'll just wait.

00:01:29.040 That was also made a long time ago, and also, it's very neat of a new one, I think, and maybe someone out there.

00:01:37.680 I still love it.

00:01:38.580 Oh, I still love it, too.

00:01:39.600 I still bop to it every time and scream out certain things, so. 0.77

00:01:42.540 Well, Cole creating retarded babies brings new meaning to the term dicking her down, so. 0.99

00:01:49.220 That's true. 0.97

00:01:49.920 Jesus.

00:01:50.840 I mean, fetal alcohol syndrome, it's just, you can't get past it, really.

00:01:55.160 I mean, there's nothing I can really do.

00:01:57.060 Wait, wait, Toad, didn't you tell me both your parents are tall?

00:02:00.880 I mean, my dad is like 6'2".

00:02:03.500 Whoa.

00:02:04.620 And how tall is your mom? 1.00

00:02:06.680 5'6".

00:02:07.840 Okay, so she definitely drank.

00:02:10.320 My sister's like 5'11".

00:02:12.300 Your sister's 5'11"? 1.00

00:02:14.080 Holy shit, yeah. 0.99

00:02:15.360 Do you have a brother that looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger, by chance? 0.99

00:02:22.260 Why?

00:02:23.940 Oh, come on. 0.87

00:02:24.940 It's a great joke.

00:02:25.560 If you don't get that one, that's the thing. 0.98

00:02:29.480 Yeah, I have a brother who is farting on Jews. 1.00

00:02:32.660 I think that's what you mean. 0.99

00:02:34.380 Oh, my God.

00:02:34.820 That was pretty funny, actually.

00:02:36.000 I don't know if y'all saw that headline.

00:02:38.940 Was it?

00:02:39.780 It wasn't Meryl Streep, was it?

00:02:41.820 No, it was.

00:02:42.660 It was some woman I've never heard of before. 0.98

00:02:45.200 Was farting on Jews? 0.98

00:02:46.680 No, Arnold Schwarzenegger farted on a woman. 0.99

00:02:49.800 Like, she was like, yeah.

00:02:51.120 And Toad had a tweet today that said, 0.98

00:02:54.460 leave it to the Germans to gas the Jews. 0.95

00:02:58.100 That was a great one. 0.99

00:03:03.620 They got to start sometime, Toad.

00:03:06.440 I haven't done it yet.

00:03:07.420 He's also not German, but I still respect the joke. 1.00

00:03:10.320 I said German speaking.

00:03:12.320 Oh, okay.

00:03:13.380 That's good.

00:03:14.100 Well done.

00:03:14.520 Get it right.

00:03:15.280 Well done.

00:03:15.620 Cole, how do you think it is that you've been able to procreate,

00:03:19.300 given that you're, like, obviously suffering from one of the most severe

00:03:22.200 cases of Down syndrome I've ever encountered?

00:03:24.960 Do you think that it's molestation for your wife to have slept with you?

00:03:28.680 No, no.

00:03:29.400 I mean, the guy we have come over really likes it.

00:03:34.100 So, like, we have him come over, and he does all the work,

00:03:37.400 and I can sit and she doesn't worry about molesting me or anything

00:03:40.820 because of my, you know, problems.

00:03:42.860 He does all the work.

00:03:43.940 It's his child.

00:03:44.740 But I'm going to raise it, you know, as my own.

00:03:46.880 Dude, how based would it be if Jack Murphy was the father of your kid?

00:03:50.280 You were, like, Inception cucked.

00:03:53.620 Anyways, thank you for joining us, Melissa.

00:03:57.240 This is what we do. 0.96

00:03:58.180 We basically talk shit to one another, and we talk about current events. 0.99

00:04:01.800 I don't know what the point of this show is, but it's a lot of fun. 0.97

00:04:03.720 So, thank you for joining us again.

00:04:05.480 Toad, you got any topics for us?

00:04:08.760 Yeah, well, I know Cole was going to, I think, kick it off by asking about

00:04:13.680 just Melissa's comedy in general, and what was it like to be on Kill Tony?

00:04:17.460 Yeah, that was a big one.

00:04:18.540 If y'all don't know, like, we had Melissa on because we saw her.

00:04:21.580 Me and Jose, who's not on tonight, he gave it up for Reed to be on.

00:04:25.800 But we watch Kill Tony every week.

00:04:28.820 I'm honored. 0.98

00:04:28.980 And Melissa came on, and she did a fucking great job on Kill Tony. 1.00

00:04:34.500 And then she started talking about Adam Smith, and, like, that really got us, because we're 0.98

00:04:39.900 all a bunch of fucking weirdo libertarians that, like, prude humor and really, like, intrinsic 0.96

00:04:45.460 business and economics. 0.98

00:04:48.180 And so, like, just tell me, like, how it was up there, because we've had Adam Nutter,

00:04:54.700 who was on, but he was on years ago.

00:04:56.060 This, like, Kill Tony by now has gotten to one of the biggest comedy podcasts out there.

00:05:00.600 So, what was it like, just for you, at least?

00:05:04.520 I mean, it was pretty frenetic.

00:05:07.560 I don't know if you guys, or how much you're familiar with what goes on with the comics 0.98

00:05:13.360 that are waiting in the wings to get on stage, but it's a whole fucking thing. 0.98

00:05:18.260 You gotta get... 1.00

00:05:19.200 Yeah, I got a lot of butt sex. 1.00

00:05:21.800 You know, it's like a whole... 0.99

00:05:23.120 And it's like, they gotta pack you in to these parts of the club that are, like, right by the door.

00:05:28.640 We're ready, then. 0.99

00:05:29.540 If that's all it is, butt sex, we're good to go. 0.97

00:05:32.420 If they're gonna pack me in, I'm interested. 0.98

00:05:34.760 That's right.

00:05:35.100 Well, is that why he always...

00:05:37.360 It's the only way to really pack everybody in, is for everyone to have something inserted.

00:05:42.300 You know, like, everyone just has to kind of sit on each other's junk, you know?

00:05:46.680 And that's why they... 0.85

00:05:47.600 Is that why all the comedians clap when someone gets called up?

00:05:49.780 Because they finally can get the pressure out a little bit.

00:05:52.580 It's the relief.

00:05:53.440 Yeah.

00:05:53.680 It's just, it's not like, oh, they're a good one. 1.00

00:05:56.240 It's just, oh, finally, their dick is out of my ass. 1.00

00:05:58.900 I can now breathe. 1.00

00:06:00.260 Yeah, that was actually Melissa's first orgasm that she was referring to, and that's...

00:06:04.600 Yeah, it had just happened, like, two minutes ago.

00:06:07.860 Am I right that it's a two-minute bit, or is it one minute?

00:06:10.880 It's one minute.

00:06:12.060 One minute.

00:06:12.760 Good Lord.

00:06:13.360 That's so intense.

00:06:14.420 Was that actually harder?

00:06:16.580 I don't know.

00:06:17.220 How long are your sets right now?

00:06:19.860 Like, how long can you...

00:06:20.860 Or what was...

00:06:22.200 I know you mentioned before this that you had done stand-up comedy almost full-time before.

00:06:28.060 What was it then?

00:06:28.980 And then coming back now, what's your time frame that you can do?

00:06:32.860 Um, I mean, about the same.

00:06:35.880 I, um, coming into...

00:06:37.800 Like, going into the pandemic, I was starting to MC and feature on the road.

00:06:42.780 So, you know, I had my tight 25-30, and then I could do a loose, like, diarrhea hour.

00:06:51.280 You know?

00:06:51.520 So, it's like a...

00:06:54.800 A lot of people fit in between, which, you know, I can get away with it.

00:06:59.320 So, you got a solid half hour.

00:07:00.420 That's pretty good.

00:07:01.080 So, I mean, condensing it down to a minute has to be...

00:07:03.460 You just take, like, the best minute from your prior set, or did you come up with totally new material for this?

00:07:08.920 Um, I took some stuff from a prior set and some new material.

00:07:13.460 It was kind of like half and half, just combining it.

00:07:16.300 But it's actually, you know, because I kind of came up doing stand-up in New York, New York City.

00:07:22.540 So, everything there is so high-octane, and it's so hard to get stage time, especially when you're first starting out.

00:07:29.220 So, that really, the first thing you learn how to do is tight sets, like, tight minute, two minute, three minute, four.

00:07:35.840 You know, and they just start...

00:07:37.120 The longer you've been in it, then maybe it'll grace you with five minutes, and then you're, like, in, you know?

00:07:42.960 But also, I did a couple of...

00:07:44.560 I did some, like, competitions and stuff, and it was all kind of leading to that moment in Kill Tony.

00:07:52.700 Awesome.

00:07:53.660 Did you win?

00:07:54.020 My biggest question, really, because that was all, you know...

00:07:57.340 We've heard from different comedians about, you know, their different minutes and stuff.

00:08:00.140 My biggest question, though, was, is Tony as AIDS-y in person as he is on the screen?

00:08:06.820 Because he was tiny.

00:08:08.400 Is he that...

00:08:09.260 AIDS-y? 0.55

00:08:10.260 Yeah, just like, you know, like...

00:08:11.860 Like Matthew McConaughey and Dallas Sparrow.

00:08:13.080 Yeah, like, exactly what I was thinking of was Matthew McConaughey and Dallas Sparrow.

00:08:16.640 That's a great adjective that I've never heard before, but AIDS-y. 0.91

00:08:19.340 I'm going to use it.

00:08:20.260 You know, just...

00:08:20.420 AIDS-y? 0.55

00:08:20.820 You know, AIDS-y?

00:08:22.140 No, AIDS-y.

00:08:23.320 AIDS-y, like AIDS-y.

00:08:23.960 HIV-positive-y.

00:08:25.260 Yeah.

00:08:25.540 Did he...

00:08:28.220 Just, I mean, how small, because I always see him on...

00:08:31.640 Listen, don't ruin your career.

00:08:32.660 It's just starting to take off.

00:08:34.280 Do not badmouth the guy that gave you a break.

00:08:37.360 Yeah. 0.92

00:08:38.580 But he does have AIDS.

00:08:39.920 I mean, it's obvious.

00:08:40.340 He's a very nice man, and it's possible he has AIDS, but I don't think so, because I

00:08:45.060 would like a career in comedy.

00:08:48.940 I've actually...

00:08:49.660 I've met him before.

00:08:50.340 He's not as...

00:08:51.820 He's definitely not McConaughey in Dallas Sparrow.

00:08:53.500 No way.

00:08:54.120 But he does kind of have a...

00:08:57.940 What's his name?

00:08:59.200 The other dude that played the Joker really badly.

00:09:01.500 Jared Leto.

00:09:02.460 Yeah, kind of a Jared Leto build to him.

00:09:04.900 Like physique?

00:09:06.000 Yeah.

00:09:06.500 Yeah.

00:09:07.120 Yeah, like slender or whatever.

00:09:08.880 Yeah, he's very slender. 0.99

00:09:10.280 It's just so funny, especially when he wears, like, his big cowboy hat and his fucking white 1.00

00:09:14.700 suit. 0.99

00:09:15.540 He just really leans into, like, that Dallas guy.

00:09:19.960 But, I mean...

00:09:21.960 He kind of reminds me of Michael Malice in a weird way.

00:09:25.020 Well, did...

00:09:25.580 Michael Malice?

00:09:26.620 I don't know if you know him.

00:09:27.700 He's in our political world, but he lives in Austin, so he's probably at some of those

00:09:32.840 shows.

00:09:33.460 I don't know Michael Malice.

00:09:35.100 I mean, I'm kind of in between.

00:09:36.480 I listen to everybody.

00:09:37.680 I give everybody a shot.

00:09:40.480 I just want to hear what everybody has to say.

00:09:42.480 I want to...

00:09:43.020 So, I didn't hear the Adam Smith joke, but did you...

00:09:45.500 Are you, like, an economics background person, or was that just thrown in for the joke?

00:09:51.180 But we want to hear that, but I just want to say we listen to everyone, too.

00:09:53.940 We listen to Nazis, fascists, you know, and both sides.

00:09:56.700 Yeah, absolutely.

00:09:57.840 Absolutely.

00:09:58.600 I thought you were going to say facts.

00:09:59.780 We did.

00:10:00.800 Absolutely.

00:10:01.780 Yeah.

00:10:01.960 I also listen to AOC on occasion, so I know what you're saying.

00:10:05.060 Yeah, when she says juicy booty, I definitely listen to that. 0.99

00:10:09.560 It's a big juicy booty.

00:10:12.200 God, that was one of the best memes I've seen this year was, God, thanks, Alex Stein.

00:10:17.840 I don't know if he's starting to...

00:10:19.560 Are you back in Texas, or did you just go, okay, because Alex Stein is there.

00:10:25.960 I don't know if you know who that is, but he was the guy that called out AOC.

00:10:29.780 He was on the show before he was famous.

00:10:32.540 He was on the show.

00:10:33.740 A.K.A. two months ago.

00:10:37.700 Literally, he was on the show two months ago, and then he just, like, astro-wumped.

00:10:41.740 So, basically, I think you can blame Tower Gang for his entire success.

00:10:46.240 I mean, it's just pretty obvious.

00:10:48.060 It's what we did.

00:10:48.640 We obviously gave him the bump, so...

00:10:51.320 Yeah.

00:10:52.200 A fist bump.

00:10:53.260 Yeah.

00:10:54.440 Don't lie.

00:10:55.680 A fist bump on his way to the top, as we just said.

00:10:58.140 We were actually trying to grab him.

00:11:00.240 We were stationary.

00:11:00.960 We were trying to grab and hold on, and it just really looked like we were just hitting

00:11:04.840 him.

00:11:05.100 That's it.

00:11:05.360 We definitely fisted him, so... 0.66

00:11:07.540 I tore off one of his shoes, and I'm keeping it. 0.99

00:11:09.760 I'm going to auction it off when he's fucking world famous.

00:11:13.120 Anyways, you got some subjects for us, man. 0.99

00:11:15.360 Well, I think we were going to get a little bit more into that orgasm question.

00:11:21.460 Oh, yeah.

00:11:22.020 Yeah?

00:11:22.240 So, what's it like not coming until you grow up?

00:11:25.640 I mean...

00:11:26.540 Not great.

00:11:30.340 Not the best, you know?

00:11:32.300 It was a lot of years of, like, feeling uncomfortable in my pants at times, and then just kind of getting

00:11:38.620 some ice cream, you know?

00:11:41.580 And...

00:11:42.020 Was it a...

00:11:42.460 Some ice cream?

00:11:42.920 Was it just a...

00:11:45.280 Because I grew up in...

00:11:46.800 People know this that watch the show.

00:11:48.020 I grew up in a really conservative Christian household. 0.99

00:11:50.740 Was it that reason that you didn't like orgasm, or was it just be like, I got no fucking 0.99

00:11:55.340 clue what goes on down there? 0.98

00:11:57.520 I'm just going to, you know...

00:11:58.920 See, I'm not going to be the one.

00:12:00.680 If you have the toad problem, which is, I don't know the female anatomy. 1.00

00:12:04.620 That's right.

00:12:05.800 Well, I'm just such a...

00:12:06.900 All right.

00:12:07.160 Like, I like...

00:12:08.180 I'm a...

00:12:08.600 I've always been a big bookworm, and I've always been kind of in my head.

00:12:11.560 I got, like, kind of, like, ADD-ish scatterbrain in my...

00:12:14.700 You know, so it just wouldn't occur to me to even get down there.

00:12:18.240 I would just kind of be like, oh, that's weird, you know?

00:12:20.800 And then, you know...

00:12:22.980 Right. 0.88

00:12:23.360 She has very good literacy, but not clitoracy. 0.99

00:12:27.100 I don't know what was going on, but it was kind of a fucked up situation where, like, 0.99

00:12:35.660 like, a lot of shit happened in my life, and it just kind of numbed me from the neck 0.99

00:12:40.160 down, basically. 0.98

00:12:40.780 I was just kind of drifting. 0.94

00:12:41.840 Like, my dad died, and all this shit happened, and it was just... 0.99

00:12:45.240 Yeah, just, like, shitty household, you know? 0.99

00:12:46.920 And at one point, I was just dressed like just a bag lady sleeping on park benches, you know? 1.00

00:12:53.880 I was just completely adrift, which is why nobody would fuck me enough to give me an orgasm 0.99

00:12:58.400 also, you know? 0.99

00:12:58.980 Like, it didn't help, you know?

00:13:00.280 It was just a thing in my situation.

00:13:03.760 But...

00:13:04.160 What was it?

00:13:05.800 That's funny.

00:13:06.300 My ex-wife actually said the same thing about me, that I left her with no feeling from the

00:13:10.240 neck down.

00:13:10.720 I was like, ouch. 1.00

00:13:11.940 Damn. 1.00

00:13:12.040 I get it. 0.99

00:13:12.960 That could be a good thing. 0.78

00:13:15.180 He decapitated her.

00:13:16.360 She meant it in a good way.

00:13:17.140 Even a compliment.

00:13:18.400 He decapitated her, so that's basically...

00:13:20.460 He actually...

00:13:21.220 Yeah, he's just...

00:13:22.620 He's actually in jail.

00:13:24.340 She's a quadriplegic.

00:13:25.640 Oh, nice.

00:13:27.060 I'm actually turning down a joke right now that I almost said.

00:13:30.400 I don't know.

00:13:31.060 It's just too over the line, even for this show.

00:13:33.060 I don't think I'm going to say...

00:13:33.740 Well, I was going to ask whenever she's mentioned her...

00:13:36.440 You said your dad died?

00:13:38.360 Yeah. 1.00

00:13:38.840 And I was like, I don't know what your dad has to do with your pussy. 1.00

00:13:42.040 But that was... 1.00

00:13:43.740 Oh, God.

00:13:46.600 I mean, who knows?

00:13:49.360 If you're going to say that, you've got to have a better punchline.

00:13:52.580 You can't just throw that out there.

00:13:54.360 That's so weird.

00:13:55.100 I mean, if it's not a punchline, I guess it's just a part of the conversation. 1.00

00:13:59.560 Her dad was just really terrible at giving her an orgasm, man. 0.99

00:14:02.900 Yeah, he was so bad at it that it dropped, I think. 1.00

00:14:05.700 Oh, God.

00:14:07.020 So you became a bag lady? 1.00

00:14:08.720 Because you couldn't come?

00:14:09.700 I don't...

00:14:09.960 How did that connect?

00:14:10.840 I missed those dots there.

00:14:12.900 Oh.

00:14:13.860 Okay.

00:14:14.540 So...

00:14:15.860 Like, 9-11 happened, right?

00:14:19.580 And then...

00:14:20.740 I'm serious.

00:14:21.700 Like, it's all the way back there.

00:14:23.340 You know, like...

00:14:24.280 Okay.

00:14:25.080 Wait, wait, wait.

00:14:25.820 You believe in 9-11?

00:14:27.200 All right, whatever.

00:14:27.900 We're just going to keep going.

00:14:29.700 Yes.

00:14:31.560 Well, I was there.

00:14:32.540 I saw it.

00:14:33.460 So I know it happened.

00:14:35.660 But...

00:14:35.940 Did you see the dancing Israelis?

00:14:37.960 Are you a member of Mossad, by chance?

00:14:39.480 No, I went to high school in Chelsea.

00:14:42.780 So I was, like, 20 blocks away.

00:14:44.620 And I was a big stoner. 0.99

00:14:46.060 So I was like, hey, let's just fucking go. 0.99

00:14:48.960 Look at it. 1.00

00:14:49.980 You know, because I was 16 and stupid. 0.99

00:14:51.620 So I just... 0.99

00:14:52.100 We all just went down there.

00:14:54.400 But...

00:14:54.760 Wait, are you an Israeli?

00:14:56.100 Do you dance?

00:14:57.280 No.

00:14:57.860 Okay.

00:14:58.080 Okay. 0.98

00:14:58.240 I'm trying to think about what 9-11 has to do with having an orgasm. 0.99

00:15:03.420 But I'm wondering if 9-11, the Twin Towers, maybe, are actually two dicks that are 9-11 inches. 0.99

00:15:09.500 Is that what it is? 0.99

00:15:09.800 Well, I understand having an orgasm because of 9-11.

00:15:13.880 I just don't understand not having one because of 9-11.

00:15:16.340 Oh, okay.

00:15:18.380 Arrested development.

00:15:19.580 Let's put it that way.

00:15:21.640 So, like, two months later, then my dad died in a plane crash.

00:15:27.280 Right?

00:15:28.060 Oof.

00:15:28.900 And then...

00:15:30.420 I don't know. 0.99

00:15:33.680 Then a lot of other crazy shit happened. 1.00

00:15:35.980 Like, personal, family, crazy shit. 1.00

00:15:38.120 And then, like, a friend of mine got shot by her ex-boyfriend. 0.99

00:15:41.140 It's just like...

00:15:42.160 Everything kind of compounded to this point where I just...

00:15:45.920 I didn't even feel like anything was real anymore.

00:15:48.700 And then that just happened for, like, 10 years.

00:15:51.660 I don't know how to explain it, but that's what happened.

00:15:54.040 Now, do you believe...

00:15:55.160 I didn't feel anything.

00:15:56.300 Do you believe that's where your funny came from, though? 0.93

00:15:58.260 I know that is a big thing with comedians because they sometimes have, like, a really shitty life.

00:16:02.420 And that just kind of makes them...

00:16:04.420 But makes, like, their funny come out.

00:16:06.220 Which...

00:16:06.420 There's a lot of comedians that have a really terrible upbringing. 0.96

00:16:09.300 But then they're, like, super fucking funny. 0.97

00:16:11.200 My funny came from when I got a concussion when I was 15 and I became slightly retarded. 0.96

00:16:16.340 I think that's where it came from.

00:16:17.240 That's amazing.

00:16:19.360 Because I've had, like, three concussions in my life, so I can feel you there.

00:16:24.320 I just don't...

00:16:24.900 Mine just literally just made me retarded. 0.88

00:16:26.360 Yeah. 0.72

00:16:29.860 Jesus, I think. 1.00

00:16:31.260 Toad, do you have, like, a tragedy story to explain everything to, or are you just fucked up? 0.99

00:16:37.840 No, I don't really. 0.97

00:16:40.900 I didn't think so, but I didn't know if it was something you'd, like, kept, you know, kept under wraps.

00:16:45.440 And this is the time to talk about it if you do have one that you haven't told us about.

00:16:50.040 It'd be awesome if he's, like, my dad was Muhammad Atta.

00:16:54.820 Yeah, my dad died in a plane crash.

00:16:59.040 My dad also died in a plane crash.

00:17:02.240 He was flying the plane.

00:17:04.080 He only knew how to fly, but not how to land, you know?

00:17:06.580 Yeah.

00:17:07.380 All right, so, Melissa, how did you break free?

00:17:09.500 How did you break free after 10 years of no shooting your shots?

00:17:15.680 I don't know, man.

00:17:16.420 I just, I just got my, I had drugs, did a lot of that, you know?

00:17:23.380 Oh, yeah.

00:17:25.360 Tell me, tell me Molly was, like, it released you.

00:17:28.680 That'd be awesome.

00:17:29.400 Yeah, Molly did it. 1.00

00:17:31.520 Like, I don't know, like, taking psychedelics helped and dating a lot of, well, not a lot, but dating guys that were, no, no.

00:17:44.420 Whoa, okay.

00:17:47.280 She doesn't have VATO standards, Clint.

00:17:50.780 We just found out she's never going to get onto Gas Digital Network.

00:17:55.520 What's the opposite of a poor weekend?

00:17:58.620 Someone with a job?

00:18:00.320 Russian.

00:18:03.380 Someone with a job.

00:18:04.620 Someone who doesn't have a knife felony?

00:18:06.760 Yeah.

00:18:07.200 Oh, guys, I love this show.

00:18:12.540 Someone did, in the chat, did say post-traumatic cum disorder, which I thought that was pretty good. 0.99

00:18:18.140 Yeah.

00:18:19.180 PTCD.

00:18:20.260 Yeah, PTCD. 0.99

00:18:21.380 So, you go from, obviously, being traumatized, then you're fucking, you're trembling, you're shaking, you're having the time of your life because of drugs. 0.94

00:18:29.720 Have you got to the point of being able to get off without any sort of psychedelics and drug use? 0.88

00:18:36.460 Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

00:18:37.500 It was just kind of a, yeah, I mean, it was my, I guess my sexuality was just, it became this emergent property.

00:18:43.580 It just needed time to flower.

00:18:45.960 That's a beautiful story.

00:18:46.980 So, there is still hope for you, Toad.

00:18:48.600 That's what all this means.

00:18:50.300 Toad has no problem getting off.

00:18:52.040 Well, dude, this is what I was talking about in the chat earlier tonight.

00:18:57.680 I was going to ask you guys, like, do you ever take a piss and then realize that you came?

00:19:02.980 No.

00:19:03.680 No.

00:19:04.260 I have no idea what you're talking about.

00:19:09.040 That definitely didn't happen to me.

00:19:10.540 You might need to see a doctor, man.

00:19:12.320 That doesn't sound nice. 0.99

00:19:13.640 Bro, you need to drink water if your pee's coming out like cum. 1.00

00:19:16.620 What the fuck's wrong with you? 1.00

00:19:19.720 Dude, I have no idea. 1.00

00:19:21.220 I was as surprised as you.

00:19:23.380 I didn't even have a boner.

00:19:25.920 What?

00:19:26.600 What kind of libido do you have to where your body's just like, there is just too much coming here.

00:19:32.560 Did you, like, not squeeze it all out from the night before?

00:19:35.400 Or, like, and then you just had, like, the hardened capsule come out?

00:19:38.580 Or it, like, came out, like, flowing?

00:19:40.560 What are you saying?

00:19:41.440 I can't remember the last time I jerked off, actually.

00:19:44.040 So, I don't know.

00:19:45.300 That's not the, that's, why are you changing the subject?

00:19:47.920 We're talking about when you peed and came, dude.

00:19:50.000 Yeah.

00:19:50.240 That was, you're the one who brought this up.

00:19:52.400 This is your fault.

00:19:53.660 That was a few hours ago.

00:19:55.020 Oh, my God.

00:19:55.740 This just happened?

00:19:56.700 Yeah. 0.52

00:19:57.520 So, you haven't jerked off, so you were peeing and you came? 1.00

00:19:59.960 That's fucking incredible. 0.99

00:20:03.320 I've heard of, like, getting, you know, like, he's, he's so horny that he's not even having wet dreams. 0.99

00:20:08.460 Yeah, I was about to say.

00:20:09.160 Well, he's awake. 0.92

00:20:11.020 Dick was just like, like, oh, my God, there's a liquid coming out of me. 0.90

00:20:14.380 Let's just handle all of it. 0.93

00:20:16.480 Everybody did the exits.

00:20:19.880 I don't know what you're telling me, man. 0.99

00:20:22.900 Dude, you had dick diarrhea. 0.99

00:20:24.040 That is the weirdest thing I ever heard of. 1.00

00:20:27.720 Like, you might, you might be the first man ever to, like, just piss cum. 0.99

00:20:32.200 Like, what is it? 0.99

00:20:33.600 And you, did you, like, did it just cum come out and then the piss came out? 0.96

00:20:37.600 Or was it just pissing cum together? 0.95

00:20:38.580 Was it right in between? 0.74

00:20:39.860 I don't really know because, like, I took a piss.

00:20:43.840 This just happened hours ago. 1.00

00:20:45.260 Well, I took a piss and then I looked and there was this cum coming out of my dick. 1.00

00:20:49.640 And I'm like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:20:51.460 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:20:54.060 You need to jerk off, dude. 1.00

00:20:55.820 What's wrong with you? 1.00

00:20:56.280 Yeah, just do it once or twice. 1.00

00:20:58.080 Why don't you jerk off? 1.00

00:20:59.760 Why don't you jerk off? 1.00

00:21:00.780 You're already, you're already going to hell. 1.00

00:21:03.040 You're on this show. 1.00

00:21:03.900 Like, I know you're Christian or whatever.

00:21:05.340 That is not going to save you from what you said on this show.

00:21:07.820 So just accept it.

00:21:09.680 And it gets to work. 0.99

00:21:10.900 Yeah, like Melissa said, why don't you jerk off, Toad? 0.96

00:21:13.660 I do occasionally, but I do it less frequently than I used to just because I think it's not healthy. 0.96

00:21:19.440 Like, at least not healthy either. 0.96

00:21:21.320 I was going to say, which is less healthy, jerking off or accidentally pissing cum? 0.99

00:21:27.880 Yeah, if you're pissing cum, you're not jerking off enough. 0.99

00:21:31.400 That's right. 0.99

00:21:32.380 I think, yeah, I think that's your body telling you, like, hey, man, like, we have a problem. 1.00

00:21:36.320 Coming out of your ears, you know, and your nose and shit. 1.00

00:21:39.780 Like, just do it. 1.00

00:21:41.260 That's like your dick calling you into HR and being like, we have, we need to have a talk. 1.00

00:21:45.580 Coming out of my nose, that would be giving myself, like, an angry dragon. 1.00

00:21:49.600 That would be really fucking weird. 0.99

00:21:51.280 Dude. 0.97

00:21:52.020 I just can't imagine. 1.00

00:21:53.160 Your balls must be huge, just full and heavy with cum. 1.00

00:21:57.000 Everybody knows that. 1.00

00:21:57.880 Like, you just can't.

00:21:58.820 It just, and you just accidentally, like, brushed it, and it just, like, they're just

00:22:02.500 like, all right, go, guys, go, go, go.

00:22:04.020 And they just sent them on the wall.

00:22:04.980 Yeah. 1.00

00:22:05.360 How do you, do you know how to hold your dick without jerking off? 1.00

00:22:07.840 Because maybe when you're playing. 1.00

00:22:09.760 Oh, that's true.

00:22:10.740 He could just be.

00:22:11.340 Toad, if you, if you shake it more than three times after you're done pissing, it's playing

00:22:15.560 with yourself.

00:22:16.180 Yeah.

00:22:16.300 Three times is the limit.

00:22:17.320 That might be true.

00:22:18.140 I'm just glad that somebody has taken over.

00:22:20.980 He's there on stroke number 58. 0.99

00:22:23.760 Like, holy shit, I cum for some reason. 0.99

00:22:26.980 Well, I just got someone that's taken over my mantle of weird, like, penis things whenever 1.00

00:22:33.780 they're going to the bathroom. 0.99

00:22:35.600 Because my shitting a boner is way less weird than pissing cum. 0.99

00:22:40.540 Yes, it is. 1.00

00:22:41.200 Shitting a boner? 0.99

00:22:42.240 No, dude. 1.00

00:22:42.780 That's fucking gay. 1.00

00:22:44.000 Pissing cum is just weird. 1.00

00:22:45.360 Yes, Melissa, I'll give the back story. 1.00

00:22:49.660 Sometimes when I take a shit, I get hard. 0.99

00:22:53.420 And I don't know why. 0.99

00:22:54.760 It just kind of happens.

00:22:56.140 I think it's fairly obvious why.

00:22:57.400 What do you mean why?

00:22:58.080 It's because you're prostate, obviously, right?

00:23:00.380 Exactly. 0.87

00:23:00.880 Yeah.

00:23:01.200 And that's just normal.

00:23:02.260 That's just normal guy stuff.

00:23:03.460 No.

00:23:03.960 I mean, I don't think it's normal.

00:23:05.360 I'm just saying that's probably what it is. 0.96

00:23:07.480 It's very gay. 1.00

00:23:09.120 I will say this. 1.00

00:23:09.900 Because when I need to take a shit, my dick gets particularly hard if I have sex. 1.00

00:23:13.760 So there is something to the pressure of having a loaded canister. 1.00

00:23:18.460 There was a slight...

00:23:19.580 Oh, my God.

00:23:21.320 Wait, wait, wait. 1.00

00:23:21.860 You're saying, like, when you're having sex, your dick gets harder when you need to... 1.00

00:23:23.740 He's saying his shit is like Viagra. 1.00

00:23:25.600 It helps him get super hard if he has to hold it in while he's having sex. 1.00

00:23:28.560 If you need to take a dump, I promise you, your dick will get harder. 1.00

00:23:32.180 It's just how it works. 1.00

00:23:32.520 That's why it was tough in Vegas.

00:23:34.100 After I railed him...

00:23:35.160 I'll give that a shot.

00:23:35.700 I'll try that.

00:23:36.220 He then railed me. 1.00

00:23:36.880 He had to take a shit. 1.00

00:23:37.960 He was trying to hold it in, but I'd already opened him up. 1.00

00:23:42.560 Jesus Christ. 0.58

00:23:44.140 This is your weekly sex ed with Tower King, where we teach you, if you want to last longer 0.78

00:23:50.300 in bed, just hold it to you.

00:23:52.200 Just go eat some Taco Bell about an hour before.

00:23:54.520 No, don't eat Taco Bell.

00:23:55.740 No, no.

00:23:55.900 It needs to be solid.

00:23:57.200 Yeah.

00:23:57.620 Yeah.

00:23:57.940 You like a pumpkin cheese or something.

00:24:00.840 Go eat a ribeye steak.

00:24:02.540 Go eat a 12-ounce ribeye an hour, two hours before, and that'll get you nice fiber going

00:24:09.380 through you.

00:24:10.060 Yeah.

00:24:11.380 That's definitely not fiber, but I get your point anyways.

00:24:14.160 There's some fiber.

00:24:14.540 No, it is.

00:24:15.480 It is.

00:24:15.980 I'm pretty sure.

00:24:16.940 Fiber is not steak. 1.00

00:24:17.180 You shit an hour after you eat? 1.00

00:24:20.480 That's a fast fucking... 1.00

00:24:21.400 I think you guys have issues with nutrition. 0.99

00:24:23.360 Just in general.

00:24:24.580 You don't know what fiber is.

00:24:25.520 I just started dieting last week.

00:24:27.160 You can see solid feces. 0.99

00:24:30.500 I usually shit twice a day. 0.99

00:24:32.680 I have, and I've talked about this, I have a nine o'clock morning shit that happens every 1.00

00:24:36.480 day that's habitual. 0.99

00:24:38.100 And then I have a roaming shit that can kind of come in and out somewhere during the day. 0.98

00:24:43.040 So I get hard twice a day at least. 0.98

00:24:45.800 And so, I mean...

00:24:46.760 Yeah.

00:24:47.740 I knew there was a reason why I never became a urologist, but here it is.

00:24:51.060 This is why.

00:24:54.540 But yeah, that was because of me, more Southern Cole, I would say.

00:24:59.040 Honestly, Tony, I honestly would go to a doctor about your condition.

00:25:03.460 I don't know.

00:25:03.980 Oh, good to your score.

00:25:04.660 Yeah, I mean, honestly, you should probably see a doctor.

00:25:08.300 That's concerning.

00:25:09.700 But it's also funny.

00:25:10.440 So thank you for sharing.

00:25:12.780 You're welcome.

00:25:14.680 Oh, Clint, how much would you hold it? 1.00

00:25:18.380 Hold your shit in while you're fucking? 1.00

00:25:19.720 Like, at what point would you go, okay... 1.00

00:25:21.680 I mean, sometimes I let it go in between the sex session.

00:25:24.260 I mean, obviously, you can't hold it that long.

00:25:26.020 The sex section?

00:25:27.060 Session?

00:25:27.300 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:27.560 I mean, sometimes you shit while you're fucking... 1.00

00:25:28.660 So you finished. 1.00

00:25:29.520 Or you...

00:25:29.800 Oh, no.

00:25:30.100 Oh, you're going. 1.00

00:25:31.520 You shit yourself. 1.00

00:25:33.940 And you're just like... 1.00

00:25:34.740 I'm sorry.

00:25:35.420 I just like that visual to think about.

00:25:36.880 It's hilarious.

00:25:37.280 The sex session is kind of weird. 0.79

00:25:38.880 It sounds like you put a robe on, and then you go... 0.73

00:25:41.280 Wait, you don't?

00:25:43.280 Now I understand why you haven't got love. 0.96

00:25:46.020 He definitely looks like the guy that puts a robe on during and after sex. 0.98

00:25:48.960 I am that kind of guy that puts a robe on during sex. 0.98

00:25:51.780 Are you kidding me? 0.91

00:25:53.740 Well, I'm sorry.

00:25:54.140 What was the question?

00:25:54.920 Oh, how long would I hold it?

00:25:56.060 Dude, it's not like I go out of my way to hold it. 0.99

00:25:57.540 I'm just saying my dick gets like a little extra... 0.99

00:25:59.840 I don't know. 0.99

00:26:00.680 What's a quotient for hardness? 0.97

00:26:01.620 It's from his butthole tingling. 0.99

00:26:03.120 It causes a little bit more erection. 0.99

00:26:05.240 I go from like a G diamond to an E diamond. 0.55

00:26:08.180 I don't know how to describe hardness.

00:26:09.880 Sorry.

00:26:10.460 Yeah, this is the Mohs scale of boners. 0.82

00:26:13.360 I'm like a F hardness boner. 0.65

00:26:21.900 Yeah.

00:26:22.220 I don't know. 0.99

00:26:22.640 Basically, what it is, is if you're too cheap to buy one of those dick rings, one of the... 0.98

00:26:29.120 What do they call them? 0.99

00:26:30.380 Cock rings. 0.99

00:26:31.100 A cock ring. 0.99

00:26:31.580 Yeah, cock rings. 1.00

00:26:32.600 I knew it was dick. 1.00

00:26:33.380 What do they call them? 0.99

00:26:36.360 What do they call this thing?

00:26:37.460 Super scientific name.

00:26:38.860 Cock ring. 1.00

00:26:39.500 If you're too cheap to buy that, just have to take a shit, your dick will automatically 1.00

00:26:43.980 get harder. 1.00

00:26:44.640 You don't need the extra blood flow or like...

00:26:47.080 Yeah, but you got to buy a snake just to do it.

00:26:49.260 So that's...

00:26:49.660 I don't have to think about that. 0.97

00:26:50.900 So my cousin works in the ER and he said there was once a guy who put a cock ring on that was 0.95

00:26:56.540 too small, but I can't remember if he took Viagra or if it just turned him on so much. 0.98

00:27:01.700 He couldn't...

00:27:03.200 He couldn't...

00:27:03.700 He couldn't tool his boners, so he had to go to the hospital and they had to legit 1.00

00:27:08.660 like cuck the cock ring off of his dick. 1.00

00:27:13.860 I think I just came out of my nose a little bit laughing at that. 1.00

00:27:18.000 Oh, dude.

00:27:18.500 You gotta go to the doctor.

00:27:20.960 Like for real?

00:27:22.620 If you come out of your nose, do you go to the no ears and eyes doctor or do you just

00:27:26.360 kind of...

00:27:26.860 You're just like...

00:27:27.880 Which one do you go to?

00:27:29.540 I think you go to a priest.

00:27:31.580 You go to the ear, nose, and deep throat doctor.

00:27:35.500 Toad is dealing with some cum variant of stigmata.

00:27:39.620 No, no, no. 0.99

00:27:40.040 Clint, you go to the priest if you want cum coming out of your nose. 0.99

00:27:43.480 Oh, that's true. 0.99

00:27:46.120 Caveat.

00:27:46.820 You have to be under 14.

00:27:48.860 That was so good.

00:27:50.320 That was so good.

00:27:53.440 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:27:55.560 We're so fucking retarded. 1.00

00:27:56.840 I love it. 1.00

00:27:58.360 All right.

00:27:58.700 Anything else we got going on here? 0.99

00:27:59.940 Well, I do want to talk about that absolute fucking unit of a kid that just blasted away 0.99

00:28:05.520 in Indiana. 0.99

00:28:06.720 Did y'all see?

00:28:07.220 I guess y'all probably saw that.

00:28:08.680 You're talking about the cops at Uvalda, right?

00:28:10.820 Who's...

00:28:11.040 Yeah, they're my heroes. 0.99

00:28:12.900 No, the fucking... 0.99

00:28:16.720 I don't know if you saw this, but they had to make a correction. 0.99

00:28:19.180 So, I guess everybody knows about it, but this mass shooting, and then this, like, 22-year-old

00:28:23.220 kid, like, he shot 10 shots, hit eight from 40 yards away.

00:28:28.820 With a pistol.

00:28:30.220 With a pistol.

00:28:31.160 And they also said that at first they were saying it was within two minutes, and they

00:28:35.540 were like, oh, no, it was correction.

00:28:37.000 It was within 15 seconds.

00:28:39.000 So, this dude, like, pulls out an AR, starts shooting, and this guy, 15 seconds, whips

00:28:42.300 it out, and just mercs him.

00:28:43.600 The shooter got off 22 shots, and the, I don't know, the hero got off 10 shots. 1.00

00:28:49.880 So, he dropped his ass fucking lickety-split, bro. 1.00

00:28:53.380 Like, unbelievable. 1.00

00:28:55.140 Yeah.

00:28:55.380 It was crazy.

00:28:56.300 Straight John Wick style.

00:28:57.640 Incredible.

00:28:57.900 It's like, he must have killed his dog, because I've never seen such a thing other than in

00:29:02.020 the movies.

00:29:02.620 I'm dead serious, too.

00:29:03.740 Like, that is, it's almost impossible to believe. 0.89

00:29:06.560 Like, I desperately need video of it, because I just can't fucking believe that you can drop 0.71

00:29:10.660 it. 0.69

00:29:10.860 And if you saw, if you saw the shooter, like, the bad guy shooter, he was, like, 120 pounds

00:29:17.700 soaking wet.

00:29:18.300 Like, super rail thin.

00:29:20.340 From 40 yards, that's 120 feet plus away, he pulls out a pistol and hits him with eight of 0.91

00:29:27.220 10 bullets. 1.00

00:29:27.860 Are you fucking kidding me? 0.99

00:29:29.120 He literally was, like, shooting. 0.99

00:29:31.140 He was, like, shooting at a beanpole.

00:29:32.940 He was literally, like, I mean, he had, like, center mass, dude.

00:29:35.740 There are pictures of the kid that's dead, which is, if you want to go find it, you can.

00:29:40.820 But, and you can see the bullet wounds on him, and it's, like, all center mass.

00:29:44.480 Like, dude just absolutely murked him away.

00:29:45.820 Yeah, he got, like, two in the hip and, like, six in the chest. 0.93

00:29:48.220 It's just un-fucking-believable. 0.61

00:29:49.600 Like, it's really amazing. 0.92

00:29:50.900 What year was it when the guy in the church shot the shooter who came in with the shotgun?

00:29:55.260 How far?

00:29:55.600 He was pretty far away, too.

00:29:56.760 That was pretty far.

00:29:57.520 It just recently popped him. 1.00

00:29:58.840 But wasn't there also, like, he went to a church in Texas, which might be the dumbest 0.99

00:30:03.720 place to go to if you want to shoot up. 0.94

00:30:06.860 Because they're, like, I think everybody was carrying, and they all, like, pulled it out.

00:30:10.240 That guy just got lucky enough to get the actual shot off first.

00:30:13.800 Well, not just lucky, because, I mean, that was still a hell of a shot. 0.96

00:30:16.780 That was, he dumb-shotted homeboy from, like, I mean, that was probably 15 yards. 0.91

00:30:21.620 Yeah. 0.91

00:30:21.800 Yeah.

00:30:22.160 Yeah.

00:30:22.760 Yeah, and this Indiana kid, by the way, his name is Elisha Dickin.

00:30:27.480 Yeah.

00:30:28.700 Yeah, that's really funny, Todd.

00:30:32.240 No, I'm just saying, man.

00:30:34.120 It lends itself to a lot of jokes.

00:30:36.260 I was teeing you up, man.

00:30:37.820 You don't want to take him.

00:30:38.820 You did.

00:30:39.380 He dickened him down. 0.70

00:30:40.840 He dickened him down. 0.89

00:30:41.720 I got it.

00:30:42.080 I got it.

00:30:42.500 I got the joke.

00:30:43.460 No, it's, I mean, I just want to say, like, if you actually, like, imagine the media actually

00:30:49.020 cared about ending these rashes of mass shooting rampages. 0.98

00:30:54.000 Like, the first thing you would do is you would come into your meeting with fucking Jeff Zucker 0.97

00:30:58.380 at CNN or whatever, and you just be like, we're going to talk about how this kid who 0.99

00:31:03.540 had no real training just lit homeboy up from 40 yards.

00:31:07.740 Like, take all of the glory out of it.

00:31:09.680 I would be running photos of the deceased, like, 24-7. 1.00

00:31:14.800 Just, like, scare the fucking piss out of these scumbags. 1.00

00:31:16.980 The whole reason they do it is because they think they're going to get this massive body 1.00

00:31:20.480 count.

00:31:20.780 There's going to be this huge story.

00:31:22.060 In this situation, the story is entirely, from what I've seen, it's entirely about this

00:31:26.120 Elijah guy.

00:31:26.860 Yeah.

00:31:27.200 And I think that's actually how you do it.

00:31:29.200 You're totally right.

00:31:29.800 Like, what they always end up getting is their manifesto read on the news, a picture of them

00:31:35.240 and, you know, everyone horrified by how many people they kill.

00:31:38.360 So, we shouldn't even know the shooter's name or what he looks like when it's a school shooting

00:31:42.720 type deal. 0.98

00:31:43.360 But then when he gets fucking killed right away like this, his pictures of him should 0.99

00:31:47.160 be everywhere. 0.99

00:31:48.400 We just need, like, to glorify this and just, like, barely talk about the school shooters. 1.00

00:31:53.340 And they should just talk about how fucking unbelievably skinny and gay he is. 0.99

00:31:57.560 Oh, I was going to say that. 1.00

00:31:58.440 They should just make fun of him. 1.00

00:32:00.200 They should show pictures of all these mass shooters because they all look like total faggots. 1.00

00:32:04.080 So, they should. 1.00

00:32:05.180 They should draw dicks on their face and stuff. 1.00

00:32:07.440 Like, dicks coming on them. 1.00

00:32:08.980 And, like, do everything just to put them down. 0.99

00:32:12.920 It would be really kind of weird.

00:32:14.260 And you also shouldn't get a funeral either. 0.96

00:32:16.920 You should, like, if you're a mass shooter, you should get, like, put into a cannon and launched 0.99

00:32:20.420 into outer space or something fucking hilarious. 0.99

00:32:22.360 That sounds actually pretty cool. 0.97

00:32:23.500 That's a great send-off.

00:32:24.740 All right, all right, all right.

00:32:25.920 That would be actually amazing if, actually, you know what, I'm going to write it in my 0.97

00:32:30.180 will that you have to put me in a cannon and shoot me out of space when I die. 1.00

00:32:33.740 We should do it how they totally killed Osama bin Laden and just cut your head off and 1.00

00:32:37.680 throw you over the side of a boat. 0.99

00:32:38.940 That's what Johnny Depp did with that author that he loved.

00:32:42.020 I forget which author. 0.95

00:32:42.800 But he fucking spent millions of dollars buying a cannon, having, like, all this incredible 1.00

00:32:49.100 wine and shit for this big send-off to just shoot his ashes out of a cannon. 1.00

00:32:54.100 Was it Hunter S. Thompson, maybe? 1.00

00:32:56.180 I don't know.

00:32:56.460 Yeah, it was Hunter S. Thompson's ashes, yep. 0.99

00:32:59.860 Damn. 0.99

00:33:00.220 I know things about Johnny Depp I shouldn't know. 0.99

00:33:02.200 I don't know why.

00:33:02.680 Wait, so you knew about this whole Amber Heard thing and you never said a thing?

00:33:07.240 Well, this is, like, there's a lot of lore about Johnny Depp, and that's, like, one

00:33:10.420 of the ones.

00:33:11.360 Rogan talks about it.

00:33:12.400 I don't know.

00:33:12.760 There's lore about Johnny Depp.

00:33:14.560 There is, dude.

00:33:15.920 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:16.640 More so than just him getting beaten by his girlfriend and having a shit in his bed. 0.99

00:33:21.020 Hey, now, I don't know. 1.00

00:33:22.080 Maybe he's shitting the bed to get a boner. 1.00

00:33:23.720 I mean, who knows what the fuck was going on. 1.00

00:33:25.260 Thank you. 0.98

00:33:25.700 Oh, actually, that actually would have been a great defense by Amber Heard. 0.99

00:33:30.380 It would be, like, actually, the night before, he was trying to fuck me. 0.95

00:33:34.220 Well, we know Amber is a regular watcher of the show, so now that she's seen that ace 0.99

00:33:39.620 in the hole, she's going to use it.

00:33:40.780 She accused it because she's suing him again, I've heard.

00:33:43.160 So, she's going to come back, and she's going to win it this time. 0.98

00:33:46.340 Yeah, I can't believe she didn't use the shitting a boner defense. 1.00

00:33:49.700 We would love, by the way, Amber Heard, if you ever see this, we'd love to have you on 0.92

00:33:53.340 Tower Gang.

00:33:53.980 You're our type of guest.

00:33:55.200 Absolutely.

00:33:55.320 100%.

00:33:55.760 For sure.

00:33:57.120 It's almost certainly going to happen.

00:33:58.520 I can't wait.

00:34:00.640 Her career's already destroyed, so. 1.00

00:34:02.860 Yeah.

00:34:04.160 We destroy careers here.

00:34:05.740 That's what we do.

00:34:07.540 Yeah, how much more can it get destroyed, really?

00:34:09.900 I mean, she's, what, $12 million in debt now?

00:34:12.920 It's not like it's a big deal.

00:34:14.600 I mean, she can make $0 off of this. 0.99

00:34:17.120 It's not going to help her out any.

00:34:18.840 Toad, would you marry her without, like, even a second thought?

00:34:22.640 Of course you would.

00:34:23.500 No, I would not marry her.

00:34:25.360 Well, no, this is why you would. 1.00

00:34:26.800 I would fuck her if I could survive it. 1.00

00:34:28.460 No, see, that's where the lie is. 1.00

00:34:30.320 You 100% could not resist fucking her, and being a man of Christ, you would marry her first. 1.00

00:34:35.640 So, there's no way around this. 1.00

00:34:37.040 Just saying, Toad.

00:34:37.600 You might have me there.

00:34:41.000 Yeah.

00:34:41.820 And then you can't actually divorce her either, because that's also against the Bible, too.

00:34:46.800 So, then you're just stuck. 1.00

00:34:47.420 So, you have to kill her. 1.00

00:34:50.100 That's the Christian way. 1.00

00:34:56.320 Holy shit. 1.00

00:34:58.980 I just want to make Toad laugh so hard that he comes. 0.99

00:35:02.900 That's my new, like, goal for this episode.

00:35:05.180 That happens every episode, neighbor.

00:35:06.920 You're talking about me. 0.98

00:35:08.540 God, I just can't believe that you actually pissed out, cum. 0.99

00:35:11.180 That is so awesome. 0.98

00:35:13.180 I told you I had to talk about it.

00:35:15.100 Yeah.

00:35:15.320 Well, you didn't tell us what you were going to talk about, so I'm really glad it was that,

00:35:18.040 because that's about as good a story as I could have imagined.

00:35:20.340 By the way, what was the joke I missed going to the Nick Fuentes thing?

00:35:23.980 A bunch of people were saying, like, did he do a semen check first?

00:35:26.760 Is there something, is there a hidden joke there that I'm not understanding? 0.99

00:35:31.060 Or, I mean, I know he's obviously gay. 0.51

00:35:32.660 Can you first get into it?

00:35:33.220 Can you first get into that you met Nick Fuentes?

00:35:35.580 I can.

00:35:36.360 So, Freedom Fest, there was this guy named Jason Rink, who had put together a documentary

00:35:42.700 about Fuentes being banned off, you know, put on the no-fly list, getting censored and banned

00:35:48.380 off of, like, every platform or whatever.

00:35:49.860 So, he was going to air it at Freedom Fest, and then he told the people at Freedom Fest,

00:35:54.980 if you want, I can ask Nick if he'll come, but he's, you know, kind of a controversial

00:36:00.760 figure.

00:36:01.400 He might be too hot for Freedom Fest, whatever.

00:36:03.560 And so...

00:36:03.900 What?

00:36:03.920 Nick Fuentes?

00:36:04.680 No.

00:36:05.260 Freedom Fest?

00:36:06.260 No.

00:36:06.700 So, then Freedom Fest went ahead without even clearing it with Jason or even calling Nick

00:36:11.920 or anything, saying, Nick Fuentes will be at Freedom Fest this summer, blah, and then

00:36:17.040 everybody freaked out, wrote Freedom Fest.

00:36:19.640 You can't do this.

00:36:20.700 And so, then they ended up kicking this guy, Jason, out of Freedom Fest.

00:36:24.600 He couldn't premiere his film, and they wouldn't even allow him on the premises.

00:36:28.040 So, Clint and I got there, and I think, I don't remember if it was the first night or

00:36:34.360 second night, Olivia Rondo's boyfriend, Patriot J, he had an invitation to this screening of

00:36:42.860 the event, and Nick Fuentes himself was going to be there. 0.99

00:36:45.320 So, I was like, fuck it. 0.99

00:36:46.100 I have to go to this. 0.99

00:36:47.780 So, Jason came and picked us up, and we had to go to an undisclosed location. 0.67

00:36:52.140 It was super fucking weird, super secret.

00:36:54.480 Like, we didn't know where we were going. 0.94

00:36:55.780 Were you blindfolded?

00:36:56.880 Yeah.

00:36:57.260 Right.

00:36:57.380 Well, almost.

00:36:58.400 It was almost that bad.

00:36:59.360 And then we showed up, and as a member of Tower Gang and as a member of the Libertarian Party 0.99

00:37:06.720 who has been to many Libertarian Party events, I can still say this is the gayest fucking thing 1.00

00:37:12.420 I've ever been to. 0.99

00:37:13.380 It was just like a bunch of celibate Christian, you know, teenagers who were uncomfortable 1.00

00:37:22.340 with their sexuality all worshiping this live streamer in his young 20s. 0.58

00:37:26.820 That's what the vibe was to me.

00:37:29.140 I never got, like, neo-Nazi vibes or anything.

00:37:31.140 So, they're all closeted incels.

00:37:33.600 I think so.

00:37:34.300 But then the funny thing is, I took a picture with him along with Patriot J.

00:37:38.300 So, it's me and a black guy with Nick Fuentes posted it on Instagram, and Brad Palumbo freaked 0.91

00:37:44.480 out at me saying, like, this is disgusting. 0.95

00:37:46.380 I can't believe you'd do this.

00:37:47.580 And I almost wanted to say, like, dude, I don't know why you're taking such offense

00:37:50.840 at this, because this is the gayest thing I've ever been to. 0.87

00:37:53.300 So, you shouldn't really have a problem with it. 0.98

00:37:55.560 It's like, Brad, I don't know why you hate black people this much, but you need to chill 0.98

00:37:59.220 out, man. 0.99

00:37:59.940 Like, you gotta chill, dude.

00:38:02.220 That would have been awesome.

00:38:03.720 It's true.

00:38:04.440 I don't know why I didn't think of that. 0.95

00:38:05.580 Well, also, Reed hates Jews so much.

00:38:08.000 I'm surprised they didn't bash Fuentes for taking a picture with Reed. 0.96

00:38:11.360 I know.

00:38:11.860 Like, I'm a principled anti-Semite, you know? 0.79

00:38:14.480 Like, I actually hold to my principles, so.

00:38:16.860 Wait, Fuentes is Jewish?

00:38:18.500 I didn't know that.

00:38:19.740 No.

00:38:20.280 He's just saying he's a fake anti-Semite or whatever.

00:38:23.180 Oh, gosh.

00:38:23.440 We here at Tower Gang, we take it seriously.

00:38:26.200 That's right.

00:38:27.160 I honestly, like, as much as I don't really care for Fuentes' worldview when it comes to

00:38:33.600 basically using the state to implement his, I guess, ethno state, I still don't understand

00:38:40.880 the treatment of him.

00:38:42.280 Like, I really don't get it.

00:38:43.160 I don't see why he's so dangerous.

00:38:46.000 But am I the only one?

00:38:47.540 I know this crew will probably.

00:38:49.160 What do you think?

00:38:49.980 He's like an 18-year-old virgin.

00:38:51.960 He's not dangerous.

00:38:53.300 I think he's, I think it's all a shtick, to be honest.

00:38:56.320 All the racist stuff.

00:38:57.600 Like, I mean, I went there with a black guy and, you know, as soon as we walked in the

00:39:02.800 door, he was greeted with a barrage of hugs and handshakes and high fives.

00:39:05.920 Oh, that you're going to say something else.

00:39:07.320 Yeah.

00:39:07.520 I know.

00:39:08.580 Exactly.

00:39:09.200 So he was just throwing slurs his way.

00:39:12.520 Yeah.

00:39:12.660 No, it was very friendly to him.

00:39:14.640 He was personal friends with a ton of the people in the crowd.

00:39:18.220 And also Nick, like, knew who he was.

00:39:20.280 And he's the guy who allowed him to come in because we had to all get all the extra add-on

00:39:25.180 guests.

00:39:25.580 We had to get pre-approved by Nick or whatever.

00:39:27.320 And he knew who he was.

00:39:28.880 And they, like, shook hands and hugged each other and stuff.

00:39:31.620 So I don't know.

00:39:32.420 Like, the whole ethno-nationalist, white supremacist thing, like, I don't know.

00:39:37.380 It didn't seem to be the case to me.

00:39:39.320 But I don't really listen to him that much.

00:39:41.780 I've just seen him debate Ryan and Dave.

00:39:44.000 And that's about it.

00:39:45.000 Maybe he is actually dangerous because he does look like all these mass shooters.

00:39:51.320 So he does.

00:39:52.600 But I think, you know, like, he makes a lot of funny jokes about stuff.

00:39:56.780 Kind of like we do on here.

00:39:58.160 Like, I don't think it's much different.

00:40:00.140 And it's just funny.

00:40:01.420 And it gets him a ton of attention.

00:40:04.180 I don't know if that's what his deal is or if he really has a lot of hatred toward people.

00:40:09.480 I don't know.

00:40:09.560 You're all over the...

00:40:10.940 You'll say you'll listen to anybody.

00:40:11.940 Have you listened to...

00:40:12.640 I guess you know who he is.

00:40:14.560 I think you mentioned that you do know who he is.

00:40:16.480 Yeah.

00:40:16.760 Actually, I listened to a few clips of his, like, last year or whatever.

00:40:23.440 He's always kind of been in the peripheral for me.

00:40:26.000 But I've never, like, sat down and listened to, like, him in long form.

00:40:31.940 But he does...

00:40:32.740 I don't know.

00:40:33.060 So I only have, like, an impression of him.

00:40:35.320 And that impression is just that...

00:40:37.000 Yeah.

00:40:39.140 Kind of gimmicky.

00:40:40.820 Like, not quite...

00:40:42.960 You can tell he's trying really hard to get attention.

00:40:46.520 Right.

00:40:46.720 And so I don't know how much of what he's saying he actually means or, you know...

00:40:51.780 Well, I don't know.

00:40:52.580 Yeah. 1.00

00:40:52.880 Well, it backfired big time because the shit that he said really got him fucking blacklisted. 1.00

00:40:56.740 I mean... 1.00

00:40:57.180 Homeboy can't even fly.

00:40:58.200 It's crazy.

00:40:59.040 Yeah.

00:40:59.240 Well, it's like him and Milo Yiannopoulos was kind of the same way, too.

00:41:02.140 Like, I mean, Milo was probably, I guess, like, even more so.

00:41:05.420 He was, like, the next, like, level above Fuentes.

00:41:07.660 Careful with those three Z-Kyles you just did. 1.00

00:41:12.000 No, but, like, he's the same kind of thing.

00:41:15.680 It's like...

00:41:16.300 And, like, it's always...

00:41:17.460 He's still getting into the news because he'll, like, you know...

00:41:20.080 I think recently he... 0.92

00:41:21.320 I think he actually joined the Church of England or some shit like that. 0.95

00:41:25.260 Oh, Milo? 0.98

00:41:26.360 Yeah.

00:41:27.140 Yeah.

00:41:27.600 He's trying to do a whole thing where he's, like, straight now, right?

00:41:30.800 Yeah.

00:41:31.020 He's, like, straight.

00:41:31.620 He's, like, I'm a Christian. 0.57

00:41:32.860 Reformed sodomite. 1.00

00:41:34.660 I only suck pussy dicks, you know, whatever. 1.00

00:41:37.500 It's, like, the no... 1.00

00:41:38.820 I only, like, butch girls now. 1.00

00:41:41.220 It's, uh...

00:41:41.900 Yeah.

00:41:43.080 Yes.

00:41:43.580 Only girls that have armpit hair is what I like. 1.00

00:41:46.620 Not for any, like, gay reasons or anything. 0.75

00:41:48.840 Trust me, there is no God powerful enough to turn Milo straight. 0.62

00:41:51.880 It doesn't exist.

00:41:53.300 Right. 1.00

00:41:53.920 That dude's gay as fuck. 1.00

00:41:55.260 And that's great. 1.00

00:41:56.200 And for the record, I loved Milo back in the day.

00:41:58.380 Like, I thought he was one of the most unique and, like, just compelling figures to come out

00:42:04.660 of the kind of new right space.

00:42:06.340 Because I never found him to be so, like, I never really understood what he was saying

00:42:11.840 that was so offensive that it got him kind of the Nick Fuentes treatment.

00:42:15.520 Like, did Milo ever call? 1.00

00:42:17.040 I mean, he was, like, he's, like, I'm a fucking, I'm a gay Jew who loves black men. 0.99

00:42:21.260 You know, like... 0.99

00:42:22.260 Right.

00:42:22.740 Right. 0.99

00:42:23.060 Except he's also a homophobic anti-Semite at the same time. 0.97

00:42:28.380 Yeah. 0.96

00:42:28.580 Yeah, I guess that's true.

00:42:29.700 Well, I think the thing that got him on the outs was when he said that whole thing on

00:42:33.360 the Bill Maher show about how gay, young gay men hook up with old, older gay men. 0.52

00:42:38.560 Yeah. 0.90

00:42:38.760 Like, minor.

00:42:39.700 That was the thing that did it.

00:42:41.500 But that's weird, though, because it was a personal story. 0.58

00:42:43.940 He was saying, I was 14 when I had sex with an older man. 0.57

00:42:47.340 Yeah.

00:42:47.440 And I was not a victim.

00:42:48.700 And it was, like...

00:42:49.200 Skilled by association. 1.00

00:42:50.540 He was raped, so he is a rapist. 1.00

00:42:52.720 I know, right? 1.00

00:42:53.260 I don't make the rules.

00:42:54.460 It's just fascinating.

00:42:55.400 Like, it's kind of definitional victim blaming, is it not?

00:42:58.540 Oh, wait, man.

00:42:59.520 Clint, this is our first Tower Gang episode since we have been condemned by the Southern

00:43:04.320 Poverty Law Center.

00:43:04.460 Yes, yeah.

00:43:05.420 I guess since we're talking about hate speech, we might as well bring it up.

00:43:08.600 Yeah.

00:43:09.220 The Southern Poverty Law Center mentioned you guys?

00:43:13.140 Both of us.

00:43:13.660 Specifically, by name and by their...

00:43:17.980 And it was both because we had the same guest on our shows and talked to them.

00:43:22.940 Congratulations.

00:43:24.240 Thank you.

00:43:25.080 I'm glad Melissa's having such a positive reaction to this.

00:43:27.840 My mom had a similar reaction. 0.98

00:43:30.400 She's like, I don't really understand.

00:43:32.300 Like, what's this all about?

00:43:33.180 Why would the Southern Poverty Law Center write about you?

00:43:35.000 I was like, Mom, just so you know, they write hit pieces against Tucker Carlson, like,

00:43:38.620 every week.

00:43:39.240 She's like, oh, then you're doing great.

00:43:42.580 Exactly.

00:43:44.220 Do they talk about Tucker Carlson?

00:43:46.600 I think so.

00:43:47.440 I don't really know.

00:43:48.540 Oh.

00:43:49.020 It's not like I read them regularly.

00:43:50.260 It's like Google it.

00:43:52.080 I was like, hold on, hold on.

00:43:53.220 I have them bookmarked.

00:43:55.320 I'll go over to it later.

00:43:58.020 They're pretty, I guess they try to be fair.

00:44:03.100 You know, they condemn the nation of Islam as much as they do the white supremacy. 0.71

00:44:08.280 Is that true?

00:44:09.020 I didn't know that.

00:44:09.740 I've mentioned them by them.

00:44:11.300 Yeah.

00:44:12.120 And, well, I mean, it's kind of hard to, you know, take away the designation of a hate group. 0.78

00:44:17.040 So they're retarded, but they're retarded in both directions, basically. 1.00

00:44:21.080 Yeah. 0.89

00:44:21.480 It's like one eye this way, one eye this way, equal.

00:44:26.460 Well, what happened was, yeah, go ahead and tell why you got onto it.

00:44:29.340 Yeah, the whole story was that Andrew Yang, who has just started this forward party, was

00:44:33.740 a former Democratic candidate for the presidency in 2020. 1.00

00:44:38.000 He's a fucking moron, and I despise him. 1.00

00:44:39.980 That's besides the point. 1.00

00:44:41.260 He was speaking at Freedom Fest, and so was myself and Reed and Dave Smith and the Mises

00:44:47.720 Caucus.

00:44:48.960 Some people, Mises Caucus is like the takeover movement within the Libertarian Party.

00:44:53.580 We're all Libertarians.

00:44:54.400 None of us are racist.

00:44:55.380 Took over movement.

00:44:56.420 We took over.

00:44:57.140 Yeah, we did.

00:44:57.720 We took over the Libertarian Party. 1.00

00:44:59.200 We're running that bitch. 1.00

00:45:00.440 So anyways, the article is written trying to connect dots that don't exist, basically saying 0.98

00:45:07.500 that because myself, Clint Russell and his, what was it, a protege?

00:45:12.000 Not protege.

00:45:12.460 No, no, I'm one of your collaborators.

00:45:14.400 Yes, yes.

00:45:14.920 And one of my collaborators, Reed Coverdale, have both had on Ryan Dawson, you know, a known

00:45:21.600 anti-Semite or Holocaust denier or something like that. 0.99

00:45:24.360 It's all fucking absurd. 0.99

00:45:25.980 But they were literally going like down the totem pole from Andrew Yang to Dave Smith, who's 0.99

00:45:31.140 a very prominent guy, to fucking me out of nowhere. 0.97

00:45:34.440 I'm like, what? 0.98

00:45:35.460 Why am I in?

00:45:36.220 Dude, where's Tower Gang, man?

00:45:38.200 Where's Tower Gang?

00:45:39.540 Yeah, dude, like, I mean, it's amazing what they decided to condemn us for when this show

00:45:45.860 exists.

00:45:46.500 It's just like, holy guys, do your homework, Jesus.

00:45:49.120 We just had Ryan Dawson on talking about the Holocaust.

00:45:52.240 I know, I know.

00:45:53.100 But that would have proven that he says it exists.

00:45:55.960 So that's all right.

00:45:57.140 Yeah, they can't talk about that.

00:45:58.840 This is it right here.

00:46:00.420 And if you go down, where's it at?

00:46:02.620 It's like halfway down.

00:46:05.200 There he is.

00:46:06.220 It's the old face to unload these, that picture.

00:46:10.440 That's me on TimCast, by the way.

00:46:12.940 He goes on there.

00:46:13.880 In that picture, you look like you were peeing and suddenly came by me.

00:46:17.680 That's right.

00:46:18.360 That was only two hours ago.

00:46:26.360 Yeah.

00:46:28.260 They don't have to show a picture of me.

00:46:30.140 I just got mentioned lower.

00:46:32.400 I wonder.

00:46:34.200 That's very funny, actually.

00:46:35.960 Wait, is that Ryan's page?

00:46:37.900 Yeah.

00:46:38.140 That's the thing with this whole webinar, so I wanted to see what they had said about

00:46:41.300 it, which is good.

00:46:42.860 But, you know, read the last sentence on the first paragraph about me.

00:46:45.840 It's so funny.

00:46:46.520 All right.

00:46:46.660 Hold up.

00:46:46.900 Let me read it.

00:46:48.340 Russell started the podcast in May 2020 to push against COVID-19 lockdowns meant to stop

00:46:54.180 the spread of the virus.

00:46:55.360 It's like, OK, OK, did it stop the spread of the virus or was I right to start that show? 1.00

00:47:00.760 You fucking assholes. 1.00

00:47:02.160 I can't believe that's how they frame me. 1.00

00:47:04.500 Cole, go down to where it's talking about me.

00:47:07.080 Like, Dawson denied this to Libertarian Reed Coverdale on Coverdales.

00:47:13.640 So he basically denies that he's a Holocaust denier and an anti-Semite on my show.

00:47:19.260 And that's why it's bad that I'm at Freedom Fest.

00:47:21.500 I'm just like.

00:47:22.220 No, no, no.

00:47:22.680 So that's why it's bad that Andrew Yang is at Freedom Fest, not speaking with either

00:47:26.600 of us, but because we have appeared alongside Mr. Ryan Dawson twice. 0.98

00:47:32.220 God, it's so fucking crazy.

00:47:35.960 But it literally, it's been, it might be the best thing that's happened since you going 0.97

00:47:41.160 on TimCast, Clint.

00:47:42.540 In terms of PR, yeah, it's huge.

00:47:44.960 Coming on TimCast, you mean?

00:47:46.980 Well, if I search my name on Google, it still was on like page five or something.

00:47:51.760 So I wish it were right at the top.

00:47:53.860 Yeah.

00:47:54.060 And Reed's podcast disappeared from Spotify right after those studios.

00:47:57.760 Yeah. 0.90

00:47:58.180 That was fucking sketchy, but it came back. 0.99

00:48:00.760 So we're good. 0.99

00:48:01.200 It was uncorrelated.

00:48:03.160 Melissa.

00:48:03.540 But I did get, I did get followed by the Ron Paul Institute, which is pretty dope because

00:48:08.640 of it.

00:48:08.900 And they're like, they're like, welcome, welcome to the, welcome to the clan. 0.90

00:48:12.740 I don't think they said that, but that would have been fucking hilarious. 0.63

00:48:15.340 They said, welcome to the team. 0.94

00:48:16.380 Wish they had.

00:48:17.520 Yeah.

00:48:17.760 The collaborators.

00:48:19.840 Welcome to the KLM.

00:48:20.300 It would be really great.

00:48:20.760 They fall in there and they're just like, oh, by the way, this is 100% a KKK cover group. 0.62

00:48:25.100 But you're in now.

00:48:26.220 Like you're one of us.

00:48:27.260 So don't work. 1.00

00:48:27.760 I'd be like, oh shit, really? 0.99

00:48:29.180 Yeah. 0.99

00:48:29.620 I had no idea.

00:48:30.800 It's all, everything they say about us is totally true.

00:48:33.220 Like it's one piece of property rights. 1.00

00:48:35.500 What the fuck? 1.00

00:48:35.900 No, no. 1.00

00:48:36.220 Ron Paul hates black people. 0.99

00:48:37.440 That's, that's, that's, by the way, like, because I, I deal in the anti-Israel stuff. 0.99

00:48:44.040 I do have like legit Nazis come across my path occasionally. 0.96

00:48:47.520 And they're, you know, when they're Nazis, they're not fucking shy about it. 0.97

00:48:52.200 And one event I went to, there was this guy who showed up who was basically a neo-Nazi 0.99

00:48:58.420 and he was very off-putting and everybody was like, dude, fucking go away. 0.98

00:49:02.880 It was like really, but I did go away. 0.98

00:49:04.820 So like, yeah, but I'm just saying like, when you come across an actual Nazi, it's not a

00:49:11.960 secret.

00:49:12.680 Like they're not very shy about it. 0.99

00:49:14.360 And so, yeah, they have swastika tattoos on like their foreheads and shit. 0.99

00:49:18.320 So yeah, they are the weirdest people. 0.98

00:49:20.600 Listen, what would be like the comedian version of getting mentioned on the SPLC, uh, like a

00:49:25.300 SPLC article that would be like, like all these people, which the only thing I could think

00:49:29.900 of was, uh, who's that guy that always goes after legionist ganks? 1.00

00:49:33.720 That fucking, uh, bag of shit. 1.00

00:49:37.120 Uh, uh, Seth Simons. 1.00

00:49:38.740 Seth Simons.

00:49:39.440 Sam Simons.

00:49:40.620 Seth Simons.

00:49:41.020 Oh, that guy.

00:49:42.140 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:42.620 That guy's crazy. 0.99

00:49:44.360 Yes. 1.00

00:49:45.000 He's like a fucking full-time pizza delivery driver who writes on the side. 1.00

00:49:48.900 He writes articles, you know, calling comedians racist. 1.00

00:49:51.440 He's such a fucking scumbag. 1.00

00:49:52.560 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:52.660 But then they're also behind a paywall and shit. 1.00

00:49:54.780 It's like, what the fuck is this? 1.00

00:49:55.800 He's, he's odd because it's like, he, you know, from my perspective, perspective is just, 0.99

00:50:01.120 you know, me doing shows.

00:50:02.640 And then I just hear about this guy from a friends, you know, and they're like, they're

00:50:06.100 like interacting with him.

00:50:07.200 So all, all I see is like, he calls somebody a racist, somebody else goes, Hey, and then

00:50:13.980 he just blocks 50 people. 0.99

00:50:15.740 Like he blocks the fuck is happening right now. 0.99

00:50:19.580 You know? 0.99

00:50:19.900 And it's like, who is this guy?

00:50:21.380 So you gotta like look him up.

00:50:22.300 And the, and the worst part is, is he like, he starts calling around to different clubs 0.66

00:50:27.180 and being like, Hey, this comedian is a racist or whatever.

00:50:30.900 Don't give them spots or like, don't like, and be like, do you have them coming on? 0.98

00:50:34.540 Well, then I'm going to tell everybody that you're racist.

00:50:37.240 And then like, and then all, and then like, you basically ruin these people.

00:50:40.520 It's the guilt by association, Daisy change, Daisy chain.

00:50:43.840 Like that's what they're doing.

00:50:44.760 Luckily, uh, I mean, the clubs are, the clubs are splitting up similarly to, I mean, how

00:50:50.140 everything else is splitting up with people who are a little more, you know, corporate

00:50:53.840 and they're just like, Oh, we can't have that person anymore.

00:50:55.700 But there's, there, there are other club owners and people who are willing to listen to the

00:50:59.480 comics point of view and also kind of like take their side and stand up for them.

00:51:03.720 So there's also just some, the good owners that are just like, Hey, if they're funny

00:51:09.160 and people, and like, it's not just like, if I think they're funny, but if people are

00:51:12.880 laughing and they're putting butts in seats, that's really the bottom line of what I think

00:51:17.360 I think they, no, no, they, there's the trade-off of like, if you're actually going to get

00:51:21.360 protested, like, cause I think a lot of the owners, they just don't want the bad PR of

00:51:25.520 like, Oh, they're hosting, you know, alt-right figures when the truth is that like, it's

00:51:30.500 Milo Yiannopoulos is like a, he, there was many, uh, venues that, that would, you know,

00:51:36.480 cancel his, his events and things like that.

00:51:38.440 And it's just like, these people are not, they're not like these, these ideas, assuming

00:51:43.160 that you believe that they hold these really terrible ideas, these ideas catch fire when

00:51:48.480 you start to make it so that people have to like follow them into their alternative

00:51:52.960 platforms to try and keep up with them.

00:51:55.220 Yeah.

00:51:55.680 It's so, it's so counterproductive and it just drives me nuts.

00:51:58.280 They just, I don't even understand why it keeps happening.

00:52:01.880 I mean, how can they not know that?

00:52:03.520 But, you know, I don't, I don't know.

00:52:05.540 I don't know.

00:52:06.180 Here I am on the Howard, you know, with, with two, with two known affiliates of Holocaust 0.97

00:52:14.420 collaborators, collaborators.

00:52:17.820 If I still had a Twitter account, that would be in my bio.

00:52:20.960 One of Russell's collaborators.

00:52:23.120 Come back, Reed, come back.

00:52:24.600 Reed, consider, Reed, consider this.

00:52:25.800 I have, I have had socialists on my show.

00:52:28.460 I've had tons of black people on my show. 0.94

00:52:31.040 I've had gay, gay people on my show. 0.73

00:52:33.900 No one ever accuses me of being gay or black or socialist, but because I had Ryan Dawson

00:52:40.280 on, I don't know about the gay part, but you know, you definitely people call you gay. 0.71

00:52:44.500 That's what I set you up for that one. 0.51

00:52:45.900 I set you up for that one.

00:52:46.660 But I, you know what I'm saying?

00:52:47.840 Like, there's only one connection that is actually contagious, and that is anybody who

00:52:52.780 talks about.

00:52:53.180 You being a fed.

00:52:55.200 That's not contagious.

00:52:56.780 That's, that's just my career path.

00:52:59.180 Yeah.

00:52:59.880 There's, you know, the Jewish thing.

00:53:02.160 I did get pushback for having Abby Martin on, you know, and then also for denying the

00:53:08.780 Uyghur genocide.

00:53:09.460 So, uh, it does go in the left wing area too, but only if you're like, you got, you got

00:53:15.380 pushed back from your audience. 0.51

00:53:16.740 You didn't get pushed back from fucking article by anyone yet. 0.99

00:53:20.420 Not yet. 0.99

00:53:20.800 That's what I'm saying.

00:53:21.620 Yeah.

00:53:22.360 That's true.

00:53:22.820 So it's a whole, it's a whole different thing.

00:53:24.500 And it's crazy.

00:53:25.200 And I don't even know where it's going to stop.

00:53:27.360 I mean, I, I don't know.

00:53:29.340 Ding.

00:53:30.560 I think it, I think it stops when, when people, yeah, no, just when people realize that there's

00:53:35.620 no credibility that like, if you listen to me talk, not on this show, cause I'm joking 0.99

00:53:39.120 about racist shit all the time. 0.97

00:53:40.300 But if you listen to me on Liberty Lockdown, my, you know, my serious venture, there's 1.00

00:53:45.120 no way you conclude that I'm a fucking racist or that I hate Jews or anything like that. 0.98

00:53:49.120 It's all, it's all so concocted. 1.00

00:53:50.760 It's just unbelievable.

00:53:51.640 Well, I mean, but it's like that with every single person that's being kind of shunted

00:53:55.640 over to, to, to the right side, you know, it's, it's like you listen to them long form

00:54:00.440 long enough.

00:54:01.100 Most of them are just saying things that are true, but they're just saying them in palatable

00:54:09.240 ways, you know, it's just ways that, that it just packaged, uh, maybe a little too raw

00:54:14.480 or rough around the edges.

00:54:16.440 Or just, or legit topics.

00:54:18.940 Like if it's a song written to the 12 days of Christmas, it might be a little bit too rough.

00:54:22.820 No, but, uh, the thing is just like, or it might just be a legit thing.

00:54:29.620 Like you said, it's actually a true thing, but it's just so controversial and it's in

00:54:33.720 and of itself, just the topic itself, even if it has to be in long form, it has to be

00:54:38.380 a discussion that takes place for a long time.

00:54:40.900 And another thing I've noticed through reading Adam Smith and everything is actually, I see,

00:54:44.640 I hear a lot of, um, terminology that comes from books like that in these spaces more than

00:54:51.840 I hear them in, in the sort of mainstream leftist spaces.

00:54:55.220 So it's, yeah, I mean, it just become, it starts to become pretty apparent that the more

00:55:01.280 well-read and educated and kind of knowledgeable people are actually all kind of being thrown

00:55:07.300 into this milieu of people and they're all being labeled racist when there's, there's

00:55:12.500 so much more than meets the eye.

00:55:14.620 It's, it's just, it blows my mind.

00:55:16.600 I mean, nothing.

00:55:17.300 I think you're right too, because many of the critical thinkers on the left or formerly the

00:55:21.420 left are now basically homeless or considered right wing because they, they are at least

00:55:28.120 thinking critically enough to go like, oh, you know, we're not actually getting any of

00:55:32.780 these wars ended under the Biden administration.

00:55:34.600 And they're like, oh, you're probably alt-right too.

00:55:37.540 Like get over there. 0.98

00:55:38.780 It's like, it's ridiculous.

00:55:39.860 It's like, Hey, uh, gas prices are a little high right now. 0.95

00:55:42.660 I'm like, no racist.

00:55:45.560 Yeah.

00:55:45.840 Like it's, it's, it's insane.

00:55:48.660 And, and, and like this, it started happening.

00:55:51.500 What back?

00:55:52.140 I mean, trying to think of the first person that kind of got, I remember Jordan Peterson

00:55:55.820 getting like nailed, but that was like, I know that was, he probably wasn't the first.

00:55:59.400 Yeah.

00:56:00.360 Proposing pronouns.

00:56:01.800 Someone that wasn't on the right that got, that got nailed.

00:56:05.240 Is that what you're saying?

00:56:06.180 Cause I mean, obviously Ryan, Ryan Dawson and Alex Jones are like the famous cases.

00:56:09.780 No, I'm talking about the first, like, uh, that lefty that got pushed over and they

00:56:14.480 said, no, you're, you're a right racist or something like that.

00:56:18.100 Even though they were 100% like a liberal or, and this has been happening to Bill Maher 1.00

00:56:24.320 forever, like over stupid shit. 1.00

00:56:27.100 Like Bill Maher's still a fucking idiot. 1.00

00:56:29.160 It just, well, yeah, but that's what we're talking about, isn't it? 1.00

00:56:31.800 People who are liberals who get called right-wingers cause they say something edgy.

00:56:36.600 Well, there are a bunch of them.

00:56:38.060 Yeah.

00:56:38.220 Bill Maher, Tim Pool, Glenn Greenwald.

00:56:41.080 Yeah.

00:56:41.420 There you go.

00:56:42.120 Yeah.

00:56:42.640 Yeah.

00:56:42.920 Glenn Greenwald's a great example. 1.00

00:56:44.200 That dude was like a fucking straight up anti-war socialist cat and he's gay. 0.99

00:56:49.120 And they're like, nope, you're all right. 1.00

00:56:53.240 Jimmy Doerr is another one. 0.98

00:56:55.800 Can you imagine if the alt-right actually was a gay? 0.97

00:56:57.460 Now they're hitting Russell Brand. 0.99

00:56:59.160 Crazy.

00:56:59.720 Yeah.

00:57:00.040 Oh, that would happen.

00:57:01.040 Oh, yeah.

00:57:01.340 That's right.

00:57:02.080 Yeah.

00:57:03.020 Which, because he's actually kind of gotten it, because he's always been so, I don't

00:57:08.500 know, like esoteric, kind of eccentric kind of guy.

00:57:11.440 Yeah.

00:57:11.580 Yeah.

00:57:11.800 Just weird.

00:57:12.720 But like, he's always been insightful, I guess, and thoughtful.

00:57:18.120 And so like. 0.99

00:57:18.740 He's fucking brilliant. 0.98

00:57:19.440 Yeah. 0.99

00:57:19.700 He's a genius.

00:57:20.560 And so whenever things start happening, he's just like, this isn't making sense.

00:57:25.300 And they're just like, nope, can't, he can't say things don't make sense.

00:57:28.640 It's, uh, you can't question. 0.98

00:57:30.380 Have you guys ever had boomer cons call you left-wingers just because they're so retarded? 0.99

00:57:34.880 They can't think outside of like, oh, if you think Trump spent too much money, that means 0.98

00:57:39.840 you're a leftist. 0.79

00:57:41.700 During the Trump era, I got a lot more of that. 0.99

00:57:43.800 I feel like most of them have migrated to like, whatever the fuck, Truth Social or Parler. 0.56

00:57:48.080 So I don't really encounter those people anymore.

00:57:49.700 Yeah.

00:57:50.120 Yeah.

00:57:50.440 Yeah.

00:57:51.340 Yeah.

00:57:51.520 They did get siloed in those social media platforms, right?

00:57:53.800 They're just kind of there.

00:57:54.880 By the way, I've got to try out Truth Social.

00:57:57.480 I bet I can get kicked off of that within like an hour.

00:58:00.720 It is.

00:58:01.960 They did like, you're right, Melissa.

00:58:03.840 They, a lot of them did go over there to Truth and Parler and they just kind of like 0.93

00:58:08.180 circle jerk over there.

00:58:09.220 It's kind of a really weird. 0.91

00:58:11.220 It's like getter.

00:58:12.380 Yeah.

00:58:12.520 But you know that that's going to radicalize them further though.

00:58:14.700 Like if, if you assume that they're radicalized, which I don't necessarily think most of them

00:58:18.460 are, but in a certain way, they are radicalized.

00:58:21.800 It's more of like a, I mean, gummer.

00:58:24.620 Yeah.

00:58:24.940 They're like going to go over there.

00:58:26.520 They're like non-radicals. 0.72

00:58:28.580 Yeah.

00:58:29.040 They're like non-radicals. 0.72

00:58:30.100 I'm not saying that, but they're not like dangerous radicals in the sense that they're

00:58:32.660 like actually calling for civil war or anything. 1.00

00:58:34.420 I'm just saying they're like, they're fucking idiots. 1.00

00:58:36.380 They're cult of personality radicals. 1.00

00:58:38.080 It's basically what it is.

00:58:39.980 Yeah.

00:58:40.100 I'm just going to go over there like saying hail Hezbollah and worshiping Iran. 0.96

00:58:44.700 And then see how long it lasts.

00:58:46.640 That's right.

00:58:47.800 We know that.

00:58:48.980 Yeah.

00:58:49.420 Reed is a fan of the nation of Israel.

00:58:51.220 Talk about the apartheid state that is Israel. 0.64

00:58:53.620 Yeah.

00:58:54.380 Beat me a Khalifa. 1.00

00:58:57.740 She's got to go on tower again. 1.00

00:58:59.600 Holy shit. 0.99

00:58:59.840 That was the other thing we wanted to mention was Mia Khalifa talking and saying that it's. 1.00

00:59:05.460 Melissa, are you familiar with Mia Khalifa's work?

00:59:07.600 That sounds familiar.

00:59:11.240 Did she get interviewed? 0.98

00:59:11.780 It would have been good instruction back when you were trying to figure out how to ejaculate. 0.97

00:59:17.380 That's true. 0.98

00:59:17.820 Well, yeah. 0.99

00:59:18.460 I was going to say, have you masturbated to her? 1.00

00:59:21.180 She's one of the. 1.00

00:59:21.860 Oh, she's that.

00:59:23.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:59:24.020 I know about her.

00:59:24.620 She's like, I don't know.

00:59:25.940 She's Muslim, I assume.

00:59:27.060 I don't really know.

00:59:27.800 But she's definitely not Muslim. 1.00

00:59:29.820 Holy shit. 1.00

00:59:30.260 She'd have her head chopped off. 1.00

00:59:32.320 I believe she's either. 1.00

00:59:33.260 She's either.

00:59:33.920 And this is really, really bad.

00:59:35.960 But I believe she's either Palestinian or Pakistani.

00:59:38.220 She's from Jordan.

00:59:39.260 She's from Jordan.

00:59:40.320 There we go.

00:59:40.780 Okay.

00:59:40.920 So she's right around that area. 0.83

00:59:42.760 I did.

00:59:44.240 Not Pakistani. 1.00

00:59:45.200 I just couldn't remember which one it was.

00:59:46.360 She's one of those over there that Israel is invading. 1.00

00:59:49.000 One of those countries. 0.98

00:59:49.720 She's one of those brown people. 1.00

00:59:51.680 One of the browns. 0.99

00:59:53.880 I love that Reed's the only one that knew where she was from.

00:59:55.980 Like, we figured out who she was.

00:59:57.060 I didn't even know who she was before today.

00:59:59.440 And then I found that tweet.

01:00:01.240 That's not true.

01:00:02.420 No, it is true.

01:00:04.040 Hold on.

01:00:04.520 But I just want to just to make. 0.97

01:00:05.680 Because she's the one that she did porn. 1.00

01:00:08.100 And then it, like, scared the shit out of her. 0.99

01:00:09.900 And then she was like, no more porn. 0.99

01:00:11.260 Porn is bad. 0.76

01:00:12.040 Is that what happened with her? 0.97

01:00:13.700 Or something?

01:00:14.440 Basically, from what I understand, is she did it for, like, two or three months.

01:00:18.480 Like, it was legit, like, a very short step.

01:00:21.260 And became the most popular on all the sites.

01:00:25.780 And so.

01:00:26.540 And then she went on to become, like, a.

01:00:28.860 She's doing, like, sports podcasts.

01:00:30.840 She's, like, really into sports, I think.

01:00:32.720 And stuff.

01:00:33.200 Yeah.

01:00:33.400 But this week, she got really.

01:00:35.280 And I don't think she.

01:00:36.480 Dude, if she only did it for three months, I have seen way too much of her work.

01:00:39.560 That girl has done.

01:00:40.600 No.

01:00:40.880 She must have been working 24 seconds.

01:00:42.620 Prolistic.

01:00:43.040 She got crushed for three months.

01:00:45.640 My God.

01:00:45.720 No, dude.

01:00:46.000 That's what they said.

01:00:46.920 Like, if you.

01:00:47.680 There's some interviews where she talks about it.

01:00:49.320 Where she's like, yeah.

01:00:50.140 It was like.

01:00:50.720 It was like.

01:00:51.800 In between three to six months is what I believe it was in.

01:00:54.460 And she was like, yeah.

01:00:55.660 I shot, like. 0.64

01:00:56.200 I was shooting, like, every day. 0.72

01:00:57.540 Multiple times a day. 0.65

01:00:58.140 I think she did, like, 300 films or some shit like that. 0.97

01:01:01.340 That's insane. 0.96

01:01:02.380 Something.

01:01:02.840 She, like.

01:01:03.440 She took all that energy that she would have put into becoming an engineer. 1.00

01:01:06.780 And she just fucking did porn. 1.00

01:01:08.500 Yeah. 1.00

01:01:09.360 Also.

01:01:09.840 I wonder if it's, like.

01:01:10.520 It's kind of, like, a thing.

01:01:11.540 If you do.

01:01:12.180 Do something like that. 0.98

01:01:13.020 If you do porn. 0.99

01:01:14.240 Or you're, like, a really weird. 1.00

01:01:15.540 Like, into sex. 0.99

01:01:16.440 Like, do you, like. 0.96

01:01:17.560 Do you have a finite amount of sex you can have in your life?

01:01:21.500 And if she just crammed it all into six months.

01:01:24.200 And from now on, she's like. 0.99

01:01:25.620 I don't even want to fuck anymore. 0.99

01:01:27.280 Like, I got all of it done. 0.99

01:01:28.560 Like, it's all done.

01:01:30.860 Melissa is ready for, like.

01:01:32.940 Like, she. 0.75

01:01:33.620 She backloaded it.

01:01:34.960 So, she's like.

01:01:36.300 Yeah.

01:01:36.440 I'm going.

01:01:36.920 I'm going forever.

01:01:38.520 Yeah.

01:01:38.940 You know.

01:01:39.480 Oh, I know you just meant. 0.99

01:01:40.740 It was all in the butt. 0.98

01:01:41.840 But, all right. 0.98

01:01:42.940 So, Mia Khalifa today.

01:01:44.300 She said it's better to.

01:01:45.560 It's better to sell your body on OnlyFans.

01:01:48.560 Than sell it to the government.

01:01:50.040 And be in the army or something like that.

01:01:51.840 Yeah.

01:01:51.940 That was pretty nice.

01:01:53.760 Yeah.

01:01:54.680 Which.

01:01:55.100 I 100% agree with that statement, by the way.

01:01:57.340 And I know some of the.

01:01:58.040 The more conservative leaning.

01:02:00.260 Libertarians will probably be offended by that.

01:02:01.900 Be like.

01:02:02.120 Oh, no.

01:02:02.480 They're equally bad.

01:02:03.360 I'm like.

01:02:03.700 No.

01:02:04.060 They're not equally bad.

01:02:05.100 They're equally bad.

01:02:06.380 And then I found this earlier tweet from her.

01:02:09.380 Where she's.

01:02:10.660 Because.

01:02:11.320 I just looked up an article to see who she was. 0.99

01:02:13.360 Because she was so controversial. 0.94

01:02:14.500 And there was this tweet.

01:02:15.940 From last.

01:02:16.440 No.

01:02:16.580 Wait.

01:02:16.800 Wait.

01:02:17.120 Wait.

01:02:17.400 Reid.

01:02:17.660 Did you look up her name?

01:02:18.960 And then you had like an hour.

01:02:20.520 Or like.

01:02:20.920 You know.

01:02:21.240 Yeah.

01:02:21.440 There was something in between.

01:02:23.040 And then I was like.

01:02:23.540 Okay.

01:02:23.760 Now I can go find out.

01:02:24.900 Yeah.

01:02:26.040 I went.

01:02:26.940 And I looked at her work.

01:02:28.040 And then I started reading the article.

01:02:29.260 So, like.

01:02:29.600 Two or three minutes.

01:02:30.540 And then I went.

01:02:31.320 And I read the article.

01:02:32.060 But no.

01:02:33.400 She. 0.93

01:02:34.100 When.

01:02:35.440 Israel was attacking the Gaza Strip last year.

01:02:38.440 She took a picture drinking Nazi wine.

01:02:41.520 That says.

01:02:42.260 My wine is older than your apartheid state. 0.99

01:02:45.320 And I was like. 1.00

01:02:46.180 Holy shit. 1.00

01:02:47.100 Melissa. 1.00

01:02:49.420 Were you.

01:02:50.360 When we said something about the.

01:02:51.660 The selling your body on OnlyFans.

01:02:53.720 Is better than selling your body to the government.

01:02:55.480 Do you believe that's true?

01:02:56.560 Or.

01:02:56.640 It seems like you had a little pushback on that one.

01:03:01.880 I don't know, man.

01:03:02.940 It's like.

01:03:04.140 Who do you want to pimp you out? 1.00

01:03:06.000 I guess.

01:03:06.640 I don't know.

01:03:07.540 I'm not sure.

01:03:09.240 I think.

01:03:09.700 Because the only thing is it's yourself.

01:03:11.220 You're pimping yourself out.

01:03:12.280 Yeah.

01:03:12.560 Technically.

01:03:13.140 Kind of.

01:03:13.680 Yeah.

01:03:13.720 But you're not, though.

01:03:14.780 You know.

01:03:15.140 You're not.

01:03:16.120 It's just.

01:03:16.860 You're not.

01:03:17.880 All of these platforms.

01:03:19.300 Make you think that you're just working.

01:03:21.820 And building your own business.

01:03:23.620 But, I mean.

01:03:23.980 They're taking a cut of everything.

01:03:25.600 And they control everything.

01:03:26.900 Ultimately.

01:03:27.520 Right.

01:03:27.720 They can change the rules on you.

01:03:29.140 Whenever they want.

01:03:30.660 And service fees are included.

01:03:32.760 And advertising.

01:03:33.640 And all this stuff.

01:03:34.240 You know.

01:03:34.760 You are being pimped out.

01:03:36.200 You know.

01:03:36.560 But you're just like.

01:03:37.600 You're under the illusion of.

01:03:39.520 Like freedom.

01:03:41.100 Which is kind of.

01:03:42.420 And it is selling your body.

01:03:44.520 For like.

01:03:44.840 It's like putting it.

01:03:46.360 Yeah.

01:03:46.860 I'll say it is.

01:03:47.360 It is freedom.

01:03:48.000 Because, I mean.

01:03:48.420 You are engaging in it.

01:03:49.660 You know.

01:03:50.000 Of your own free will.

01:03:51.860 Yeah.

01:03:52.000 It's voluntary.

01:03:52.980 So, absolutely.

01:03:53.880 And you can also quit whenever you want.

01:03:55.240 Whereas the military.

01:03:55.940 You definitely can't quit.

01:03:57.240 That's right.

01:03:57.640 I think some people were taking that.

01:04:00.220 The military.

01:04:00.780 You can shoot yourself in the foot. 0.99

01:04:02.300 Right. 1.00

01:04:02.580 And then you're out.

01:04:03.380 Right.

01:04:03.900 Like that.

01:04:04.780 I guess. 0.93

01:04:05.260 Or you can shoot like. 0.92

01:04:07.300 Well. 0.98

01:04:07.720 One of ours.

01:04:08.320 Well.

01:04:08.600 Maybe it's not true.

01:04:09.340 Pat Tillman got nailed.

01:04:10.880 And then no one got to do it.

01:04:11.540 Oh, Jesus.

01:04:12.120 Yeah.

01:04:12.220 I'm trying to think. 1.00

01:04:13.720 Maybe you can shoot as many kids as you want in the military. 1.00

01:04:16.180 Well. 1.00

01:04:16.360 You know.

01:04:16.640 You know what you should do.

01:04:17.440 As long as they're brown. 0.99

01:04:18.700 Combine the two.

01:04:19.560 And do OnlyFans while you're in the military.

01:04:21.600 That's definitely already happening.

01:04:23.180 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:23.440 And you're fucking your bros. 1.00

01:04:25.180 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:25.700 Back in the day.

01:04:26.600 Back in the day.

01:04:27.200 All you had to say.

01:04:27.820 You were. 0.84

01:04:28.140 Is that you were gay. 0.99

01:04:29.540 And. 0.65

01:04:30.060 And you were out of the military.

01:04:31.180 And you're out of the room.

01:04:31.460 Now it's a requirement.

01:04:34.460 Hey guys.

01:04:35.100 Can we.

01:04:35.540 Can we get a round of applause.

01:04:37.020 Top Lobster's microphone is perfect.

01:04:39.580 There's not too much gain.

01:04:40.900 It's not like.

01:04:42.000 It sounds awesome.

01:04:43.780 I popped in here just to see if the mic is good.

01:04:46.760 And like.

01:04:47.360 I'm just going to bounce at it.

01:04:49.220 It's the only time your mic has been like impeccably perfect.

01:04:52.200 It sounds so good.

01:04:53.160 Wait a minute.

01:04:53.620 Top.

01:04:53.920 You had a question in the chat a little while ago.

01:04:56.000 Ask it.

01:04:56.480 Let's go.

01:04:57.040 Oh yeah.

01:04:57.340 I was asking.

01:04:57.940 What's your.

01:04:58.400 What's your favorite thing about the Bronx?

01:05:02.100 About the Bronx?

01:05:03.500 Yeah.

01:05:03.880 Oh.

01:05:04.400 That's easy.

01:05:05.140 Leaving it. 0.99

01:05:07.180 I was going to call you a bullshit artist if you said anything different. 0.99

01:05:11.080 Because yeah. 1.00

01:05:11.360 The Bronx is terrible.

01:05:12.960 Are you from the Bronx?

01:05:14.520 No.

01:05:14.900 I'm from Brooklyn.

01:05:15.860 Oh yeah.

01:05:16.640 Yeah.

01:05:16.880 Yeah.

01:05:17.080 All right.

01:05:17.960 No dude.

01:05:18.420 Yeah.

01:05:18.620 You have to be from the Bronx to understand how.

01:05:21.000 How to hate the Bronx properly.

01:05:22.640 It's just like.

01:05:24.020 No.

01:05:24.320 You could be close to it.

01:05:26.940 You can smell it. 1.00

01:05:28.160 Top is too much of a pussy to actually have been from the Bronx. 1.00

01:05:33.720 Isn't that where AOC is from or am I wrong? 1.00

01:05:36.080 Yeah.

01:05:36.340 I think so.

01:05:36.680 No.

01:05:36.960 She's from Westchester.

01:05:38.000 She's not even from like.

01:05:39.120 I know.

01:05:39.400 But doesn't she claim the Bronx?

01:05:40.900 Really?

01:05:41.100 Yeah.

01:05:41.340 Yeah.

01:05:41.480 Yeah.

01:05:41.920 Yeah.

01:05:42.200 I think her.

01:05:42.980 Yeah.

01:05:43.400 I'm pretty sure the like.

01:05:45.340 Her district.

01:05:45.800 That she represents or whatever is in the Bronx.

01:05:47.880 Yeah.

01:05:48.120 Yeah.

01:05:48.220 Yeah.

01:05:48.320 Yeah.

01:05:48.420 Yeah.

01:05:48.660 Yeah.

01:05:48.720 Yeah.

01:05:48.860 Yeah.

01:05:49.140 Yeah.

01:05:49.240 Yeah.

01:05:49.340 Yeah.

01:05:49.420 Yeah.

01:05:49.460 Yeah.

01:05:49.520 Yeah.

01:05:49.560 Yeah.

01:05:49.660 Yeah.

01:05:49.740 Yeah.

01:05:49.760 Yeah.

01:05:49.820 Yeah.

01:05:49.840 Yeah.

01:05:50.000 Yeah.

01:05:50.260 Yeah. 0.99

01:05:58.160 I don't know what the fuck's going on. 0.99

01:05:59.140 My bad. 0.99

01:05:59.540 Yeah.

01:05:59.640 I came here.

01:06:00.960 I'm sorry, Melissa.

01:06:01.940 They didn't want me on originally because they kicked both Spanish people off.

01:06:05.700 So Jose's not here.

01:06:07.020 And they said I wasn't allowed to be here.

01:06:09.220 You guys can only do like one at a time or something.

01:06:11.640 Yeah.

01:06:12.360 And you were the one. 0.99

01:06:13.080 Jose's not even fucking Spanish. 1.00

01:06:14.280 I'm dead ass. 1.00

01:06:15.060 I'm being so serious with you. 0.99

01:06:16.260 I wish I could pull up the chat.

01:06:18.100 Clint goes.

01:06:18.980 Clint says, wait a second.

01:06:19.860 What's Melissa's last name?

01:06:21.600 And like Diaz, you're like, yo, Top, you can't come today.

01:06:28.160 That's fair.

01:06:29.120 This is why I got written up in the SPLC, man.

01:06:34.300 So when did you leave?

01:06:36.000 When did you leave the Bronx?

01:06:38.120 When? 1.00

01:06:39.580 Jesus fucking Christ. 0.99

01:06:42.620 When I was, I want to say 13, I got shipped off to the Dominican Republic for three years. 1.00

01:06:50.100 I thought you were going to see you got shot.

01:06:53.480 I got shot and I had to leave.

01:06:55.520 I just couldn't stay there anymore.

01:06:56.760 Wait, they sent you to the DR from the Bronx?

01:07:01.040 Yeah.

01:07:01.620 So it was like, that's an upgrade?

01:07:03.720 What was that?

01:07:04.660 That is not an upgrade.

01:07:06.820 Yes, if it was an upgrade.

01:07:08.540 Well, it was, it was.

01:07:09.380 I went to live with my aunt and they work, they work in the military over there.

01:07:13.040 And that's basically, it's, it's really corrupt.

01:07:15.140 So that's actually like, you're living pretty well.

01:07:17.680 So, you know. 0.92

01:07:18.000 Is their military also gay? 0.93

01:07:21.880 What was it? 0.98

01:07:22.960 Is their military also gay? 0.97

01:07:25.520 Yeah. 0.87

01:07:25.880 What military?

01:07:28.760 That's true.

01:07:29.560 Honestly, if you think about the military, I mean, they might be less gay now because they're 1.00

01:07:35.000 actually like just saying, hey, gays are fine. 1.00

01:07:38.480 Before they were just all doing it in secret, which is way gayer. 0.83

01:07:42.220 It's way gayer to be in the closet than just out of the closet. 0.75

01:07:46.020 Yeah, that's true.

01:07:47.520 Good.

01:07:47.720 So does that make, that makes us more or less gay?

01:07:50.240 Because last week.

01:07:51.100 Way less gay because we're super open about it. 1.00

01:07:53.320 That's right.

01:07:53.840 Jesus.

01:07:54.240 Yeah.

01:07:54.880 Well, we, we were talking about like taints and stuff last weekend.

01:07:59.820 Were we asking that same question again?

01:08:01.780 Oh, yeah.

01:08:01.960 Actually, we'll be asking that question.

01:08:02.900 That's a good question.

01:08:05.400 Yeah.

01:08:06.660 Go ahead.

01:08:07.400 No, you ask Cole because you're, you're a fan of that stuff. 0.95

01:08:10.080 Well, I've never had my taint licked, but is having your taint licked as a man by a woman? 0.99

01:08:19.300 Is that a gay act by a man or a gay adjacent? 0.99

01:08:23.660 Yeah. 1.00

01:08:24.080 Having your taint slash butthole eaten by a woman. 1.00

01:08:28.400 By a woman? 1.00

01:08:28.960 I think a better question, not is not if that happens to you, but if you enjoy it and then ask for more, is it gay? 0.53

01:08:36.480 And it doesn't matter if it's gay, but is, is it though? 0.75

01:08:39.080 What do you think? 1.00

01:08:44.340 It's only gay if she can't keep her fucking mouth shut. 1.00

01:08:47.500 That's all. 1.00

01:08:50.020 Wow.

01:08:50.780 Pretty base.

01:08:51.500 So we're staying in the closet with this one.

01:08:53.020 I like that.

01:08:55.500 Yeah.

01:08:56.100 Melissa, have you ever eaten booty?

01:08:57.560 Is that a natural follow-up?

01:09:04.420 She's like, no, not talking.

01:09:06.600 Keeping it gangster.

01:09:07.980 I'm going to go even more gangster with it. 0.96

01:09:09.680 I think if it's a dude, it's still not gay. 0.95

01:09:12.220 Jesus. 0.91

01:09:13.440 I mean, really, like you're not the mouth to mouth, as they say.

01:09:17.080 Well, wait a minute. 1.00

01:09:17.740 But there's a distinction, though, between having your taint licked and having your butthole eaten. 1.00

01:09:21.960 Where, like I said last week, the distinction is that if your butthole starts getting penetrated and you enjoy that, that's when it becomes gay. 1.00

01:09:29.600 I make dudes like my taint as a sign of dominance. 1.00

01:09:32.480 If you're in the Navy and you're out on a ship, it's still not gay. 1.00

01:09:36.760 It doesn't matter what you do.

01:09:37.800 It's not gay. 0.96

01:09:38.620 Oh, it's like Vegas. 0.88

01:09:39.860 It's international water.

01:09:41.300 Yeah.

01:09:41.680 That's not what they say about Vegas.

01:09:43.760 Yeah.

01:09:45.000 That's not what they say about Vegas.

01:09:46.440 But in the Navy, it's...

01:09:48.760 Clinton really just came from Vegas.

01:09:51.940 No, it is.

01:09:53.700 It's what happens in Vegas. 0.65

01:09:55.660 Gays in Vegas, I think it's Disney. 0.99

01:09:58.300 Is that what they say?

01:10:00.040 No. 1.00

01:10:01.000 Damn. 1.00

01:10:01.360 What happens in Vegas isn't gay in Vegas. 1.00

01:10:03.060 You could have at least gone that route.

01:10:04.140 All right.

01:10:04.460 Anyways.

01:10:05.160 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:06.480 I'm still laughing about this shit he said last week, man. 1.00

01:10:08.860 You guys missed it. 1.00

01:10:09.580 It was great.

01:10:11.560 Yeah.

01:10:11.740 Was it to the code?

01:10:13.840 Sometimes I knock it out of the park, man.

01:10:15.760 Oh, God.

01:10:16.940 What was it?

01:10:17.400 That was one of the best jokes he ever said. 0.95

01:10:19.060 We were talking about the anus and how the G-spot for the man is in the anus. 0.97

01:10:24.700 And he said something to the effect of, it's called the G-spot because all your homies 0.97

01:10:30.760 are hanging out there or something like that. 0.99

01:10:32.780 It's fucking great, man. 0.99

01:10:34.040 Just great. 0.99

01:10:34.980 I wake up in the morning and I smile. 0.98

01:10:36.780 I'm like, that's fucking funny. 0.99

01:10:38.980 And you head right to the G-spot. 0.99

01:10:42.200 With all the homies. 1.00

01:10:43.320 You know what I mean?

01:10:43.560 With all the homies. 1.00

01:10:44.260 They're all chilling in there.

01:10:45.680 That's where all the gangsters kick it. 0.90

01:10:47.100 In the G-spot.

01:10:49.060 Oh, my God, dude. 1.00

01:10:51.320 Oh, that's holy shit. 1.00

01:10:53.800 Is that what that G-unit shit was about? 1.00

01:10:57.280 Probably. 0.99

01:11:00.060 Yo, how are you going to get to the G-spot?

01:11:01.720 Well, obviously with the G-unit.

01:11:06.640 Honestly, I don't even understand the question.

01:11:09.460 It's obviously not gay if a girl does anything to you. 1.00

01:11:12.300 That was not what I said.

01:11:14.660 Is it gay if a girl does you with a strap-on? 1.00

01:11:19.240 Is that actually gay? 0.99

01:11:20.400 That's pretty gay. 0.98

01:11:21.300 That's pretty gay. 0.98

01:11:21.800 Good point. 0.97

01:11:22.300 Good point.

01:11:22.780 Hold on. 0.60

01:11:23.360 It's gay adjacent, but it's still not gay.

01:11:25.440 Can we ask the resident girl here? 0.99

01:11:27.500 Yeah.

01:11:29.920 Oh, I mean, I don't know.

01:11:31.300 Gay or straight? 0.85

01:11:31.780 I think it would be gay. 1.00

01:11:37.100 Yeah. 0.84

01:11:37.780 I don't know.

01:11:38.180 Yeah.

01:11:38.760 Yeah.

01:11:39.500 You're breaking my heart. 1.00

01:11:40.560 It's definitely gay. 1.00

01:11:41.240 You're breaking my heart, Melissa. 0.99

01:11:41.940 But okay.

01:11:42.660 Not that there's anything wrong with it.

01:11:43.760 All right.

01:11:44.400 I just have to go with...

01:11:45.440 I just don't...

01:11:46.500 I think if it's done by a woman, it's definitely not me saying I've been gay.

01:11:54.660 I have had this debate with my buddy John, and truth be told, John loves to have his wife 0.99

01:12:00.000 fucking rail him out with a strap-on, so he is... 0.99

01:12:02.600 Wow. 0.99

01:12:03.280 I'm dead serious. 0.99

01:12:04.440 Throw John in the bus. 0.99

01:12:06.100 Jesus. 1.00

01:12:07.020 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:12:08.340 It's gay, but so what? 1.00

01:12:10.620 Right? 0.82

01:12:11.060 Yeah, exactly.

01:12:11.880 And that's what I tell him.

01:12:12.820 He always goes...

01:12:13.340 It's not that there's anything wrong with it.

01:12:14.840 He goes, oh, yeah. 0.97

01:12:15.960 Sleeping with my wife is gay, huh, Clint? 0.99

01:12:17.660 And I go, yeah, it's gay. 0.99

01:12:18.980 It's okay, John.

01:12:19.800 It's okay. 1.00

01:12:20.120 But it is super fucking gay that your wife puts on a strap-on and pounds your butthole. 1.00

01:12:24.660 It's super... 1.00

01:12:24.920 Wait, wait, wait.

01:12:25.360 What's the ratio?

01:12:26.320 Does she pound him more than he pounds her?

01:12:28.300 Because that's where I think it must start to be a problem.

01:12:30.080 This is what this show is about.

01:12:31.620 It's not about being gay or being edgy.

01:12:36.500 We're trying to... 1.00

01:12:38.120 You guys are trying to fucking figure out exactly how gay... 0.99

01:12:44.840 is, like, not gay. 1.00

01:12:46.940 I get it.

01:12:47.580 We want to try to provide that line as gay as possible. 0.99

01:12:50.620 Did we ever establish what a unit of fuck is, or is that still kind of open-ended? 0.99

01:12:54.920 Oh, that's actually a great question. 0.97

01:12:56.000 Needs to be revisited.

01:12:57.200 Being somebody that didn't orgasm until she was an adult...

01:12:59.680 Wait, what? 0.79

01:13:00.880 I think that's a great question.

01:13:03.540 Sorry, I just came in here late.

01:13:05.420 What did you say?

01:13:06.180 You missed the first half of the show.

01:13:08.880 Melissa didn't orgasm until she was... 1.00

01:13:11.180 What age?

01:13:12.080 26.

01:13:12.660 26.

01:13:13.020 On purpose?

01:13:15.080 No.

01:13:16.100 Never rode a horse?

01:13:17.220 Nothing like that.

01:13:17.960 Wow.

01:13:18.700 I rode a horse.

01:13:20.380 No.

01:13:21.780 Wow.

01:13:22.520 Never just sat on top of the, like, washing machine or dryer and just kind of let it kind

01:13:27.320 of do its thing?

01:13:29.360 Yes.

01:13:30.220 Yes. 0.94

01:13:30.700 So God hates you. 0.89

01:13:32.040 So... 0.95

01:13:32.640 Yeah.

01:13:33.380 No, God loves her.

01:13:34.660 No, God loves her.

01:13:36.260 That's actually true, yeah.

01:13:37.800 The bad thing is basically...

01:13:39.800 Since we're recapping the entire show, I think it's important we inform Top that Toad piss

01:13:44.800 came. 0.99

01:13:45.600 Piss cum. 1.00

01:13:46.380 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:46.620 Cum pissed earlier today.

01:13:47.900 I didn't think that's possible. 0.99

01:13:49.440 No, he fucking claims he did it, dude. 0.99

01:13:51.500 So either put him in jail for lying or send him to the doctor because it's fucking concerning. 1.00

01:13:55.760 I ain't lying. 0.99

01:13:56.560 A lot of the...

01:13:58.220 This is a slight...

01:13:59.420 Yeah, go ahead, Reed.

01:14:01.160 This is a slight side trail, but Dennis from Twitter, he tweeted, on a scale of Uvalda Police

01:14:07.120 Department to Jeffrey Epstein, how much do you love kids?

01:14:10.440 Be honest.

01:14:11.180 Oh, my God.

01:14:12.200 Jesus Christ.

01:14:13.180 Jesus Christ.

01:14:14.280 We were just talking about that earlier, so I threw it in there.

01:14:16.480 On that scale, Michael Jackson.

01:14:18.480 But...

01:14:18.880 Melissa, yeah, what...

01:14:21.660 So tell us, a unit...

01:14:23.000 I'm an art teller, by the way. 0.99

01:14:24.140 How would you phrase that question about the unit of fuck... 0.99

01:14:29.620 I wish Jose was here, because that's his question. 0.98

01:14:31.000 No, no, the question is, Melissa, what would you classify as the point of which you have 0.98

01:14:38.000 said, I fucked that person? 0.99

01:14:40.020 Yeah. 0.99

01:14:40.160 And so it would be... 1.00

01:14:41.280 And so where you could go, this is what a fuck is. 1.00

01:14:44.000 At this point, once you reach this point, you have now had sex. 1.00

01:14:47.620 Right.

01:14:48.920 Hmm. 0.99

01:14:49.740 The point at which you had fucked that person. 0.99

01:14:52.880 Yes. 0.99

01:14:53.480 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:53.740 And they have also fucked you. 1.00

01:14:57.080 Yeah, they would be... 1.00

01:14:57.860 It would be a...

01:14:58.860 Yes.

01:14:59.720 That's something that does go into it, because the way...

01:15:03.580 Like, is it one way, you know?

01:15:04.980 Because it could be like sleep...

01:15:05.880 Well, that's the way Jose treats it, is he gives his... 0.99

01:15:08.820 His analogy is, his wife might give him a blowjob one night, and the next night, he 0.99

01:15:13.940 wants to go out of sex with her, and she said, no, we had sex last night. 1.00

01:15:16.120 And he was like, that wasn't sex, that was a blowjob. 1.00

01:15:18.640 A blowjob's not sex. 1.00

01:15:19.700 Or, if you had sex, it got cut short, you didn't cum, is that sex? 1.00

01:15:25.540 Is that one unit of fuck? 1.00

01:15:27.840 We don't know. 0.99

01:15:28.640 But that would mean Melissa never had sex until that point. 0.97

01:15:32.360 So that's...

01:15:32.700 Yeah.

01:15:33.360 I love how Deadpan Top says that.

01:15:37.220 We don't know.

01:15:39.920 I mean, he's a man of science, he's trying to figure this out, you know?

01:15:42.900 This show, this is what it's about.

01:15:45.020 Like, when the bros have a question, we're like, refer to episode 16, and we cover it

01:15:48.860 at 30 minutes, and then they watch it, you know?

01:15:52.000 We're basically like sociologists or something, we're like, we're studying mankind, and we're

01:15:56.840 trying to figure out how it operates.

01:15:59.280 Yeah, it is fascinating.

01:16:00.880 I'm impressed with ourselves.

01:16:02.320 I mean, I'm impressed with what we've been able to do.

01:16:04.600 I know, we've accomplished a lot.

01:16:06.740 Jose has this declaratory statement that I find kind of absurd. 0.98

01:16:10.760 He says, we had sex, but we didn't fuck. 0.97

01:16:14.000 For the life of me, I don't understand. 0.98

01:16:16.140 Melissa, perhaps you could explain. 0.98

01:16:17.760 I don't fucking know. 0.99

01:16:18.640 I just started fucking happening. 0.99

01:16:20.000 I just started, because I'm a beginner. 0.99

01:16:22.300 I don't even know that you're going to do that. 0.99

01:16:25.660 It can't be penetration, because then, do lesbians have sex? 1.00

01:16:30.160 I mean, I guess we don't. 0.99

01:16:30.720 Oh, well, that's the thing we had.

01:16:32.980 That's something that nobody has come up with. 0.99

01:16:36.460 Yeah, lesbian sex. 1.00

01:16:37.420 Nobody has come up with the answer to whether or not lesbians have sex. 0.99

01:16:41.180 We all lean towards no.

01:16:42.840 It doesn't exist.

01:16:43.920 Yeah, it's fake.

01:16:44.820 Yeah.

01:16:45.840 Unless they use a strap-on.

01:16:47.320 Unless they use a strap-on.

01:16:48.600 Wow.

01:16:48.960 Oh, man.

01:16:50.460 We just added a whole different level.

01:16:51.940 Yeah, that's wild. 0.99

01:16:53.020 No, that's clearly not sex, because one of them isn't getting fucked at all. 0.99

01:16:56.140 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1.00

01:16:56.560 So if that's not sex, if you get railed by a woman with a strap-on, then it's not sex. 0.99

01:17:03.980 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:17:05.440 So it can't be gay. 0.99

01:17:06.860 It can't be gay. 1.00

01:17:08.100 No, it's still gay. 1.00

01:17:09.060 It's just reverse pooping. 0.99

01:17:09.640 Wait a minute, Clint. 0.98

01:17:13.360 There is a question, because you said any act with a woman isn't gay.

01:17:18.100 That's what you said, right?

01:17:19.080 That's what I said.

01:17:19.600 I was wrong, but I did say it.

01:17:20.700 What about cuddling with a woman? 0.98

01:17:21.440 Is that gay? 0.97

01:17:22.920 He's already rescinded the statement.

01:17:24.780 No, I was clearly wrong. 1.00

01:17:25.900 But cuddling is not gay, you fucking homo. 1.00

01:17:28.260 It might be gay, but I like to do it. 1.00

01:17:31.840 We'll make the exception. 0.94

01:17:35.380 All right. 0.93

01:17:36.340 Or gang-banging a woman.

01:17:38.820 What if the ratio is like 100 dudes and one chick? 0.99

01:17:42.640 Is that gay? 0.99

01:17:44.340 What if you just had two disembodied brains, and they were in separate vats? 1.00

01:17:50.820 Okay.

01:17:51.660 I like it.

01:17:52.600 I'm listening.

01:17:52.840 Nodes on both, right, that stimulate the parts where sexual arousal and orgasmic feeling happen, right?

01:18:02.840 And then you give each brain the ability to, like, press the thing that makes the other one come, right?

01:18:11.460 And then they both do it rapidly.

01:18:13.500 For Toad to be pissing.

01:18:14.620 And then they both come. 0.98

01:18:16.520 Yeah, yeah, like Toad's pissing over there, jerking off and walking in. 0.99

01:18:19.700 And then both brains make each other come. 1.00

01:18:25.380 Was that sex? 0.99

01:18:26.960 Whoa. 0.50

01:18:27.940 This is actually that Black Mirror episode. 0.94

01:18:30.340 I don't know if you watched it, where those guys went into the VR and fucked each other. 0.63

01:18:33.480 But they were just on the couch sitting next to each other. 0.95

01:18:35.620 Yeah, exactly.

01:18:36.760 And so did they have sex?

01:18:38.760 Because it was just all in the mind. 1.00

01:18:40.920 It's your fucking brain. 1.00

01:18:42.380 So the unit of sex has to start there. 1.00

01:18:44.980 I can't help you any further with this journey, gentlemen.

01:18:47.840 But you can take it for sure.

01:18:49.060 But was that gay, what they did? 0.99

01:18:53.640 Was it gay? 0.99

01:18:56.620 Well, is it two male brains? 0.99

01:18:58.680 It doesn't matter.

01:18:59.520 Warrior technology is what it was, right?

01:19:01.840 Warrior technology.

01:19:04.040 Oh, my God.

01:19:04.840 You know what, Melissa?

01:19:06.380 I've never had this happen with a guest before.

01:19:08.320 But I think you've actually made the answer worse.

01:19:10.940 Like, I felt like every time we brought it up, we were getting closer to what the answer was.

01:19:14.960 And now, I might not even ask it again.

01:19:17.600 No, dude, she does. 0.97

01:19:18.360 I'm really good at that.

01:19:20.580 You destroyed, like, we were on the track, and you took it, and you were like, no, no, no, no.

01:19:26.160 You were totally wrong.

01:19:27.680 Go back, all the way back there.

01:19:29.240 Start back over again.

01:19:30.260 Yeah, for like $200. 0.99

01:19:32.280 We were on mile 24 of the marathon, and she's like, bitch, start over. 1.00

01:19:36.280 Dude, she just fucked all of our brains, man. 1.00

01:19:43.660 Yeah, it's like, oh, my God. 1.00

01:19:45.420 Was that a unit of fuck? 1.00

01:19:47.180 Did she just use a unit of fuck on us? 1.00

01:19:49.960 Well, did you come? 1.00

01:19:50.740 I pissed my pants, so yes.

01:20:02.040 Oh, my God.

01:20:03.160 All right.

01:20:03.500 I'm just glad my mic works.

01:20:05.380 I think that's a good place to end it.

01:20:06.560 Anybody got anything else to wrap with?

01:20:09.520 Did we actually answer the Adam Smith question or no?

01:20:13.820 That's beside the point.

01:20:15.660 She just likes Adam Smith, so what?

01:20:17.380 All I know about the invisible hand is that I call it the stranger, so. 0.99

01:20:23.600 Is that what makes you cum when you piss? 0.98

01:20:25.420 Yeah, I was just about to say that. 0.99

01:20:29.100 He's like, I didn't even jerk off. 1.00

01:20:30.640 My hand was numb as fuck. 0.99

01:20:32.220 This is one of those toad things that's like a physical. 1.00

01:20:34.600 It's like, it makes me question, have you had sex? 1.00

01:20:37.580 Or do you even have a penis toad? 1.00

01:20:39.260 Because I'm pretty sure that's physically impossible. 0.99

01:20:42.360 I feel like there's two different tubes, and they can't be accessed at once.

01:20:46.480 Am I right?

01:20:46.780 There's not two different tubes, by the way.

01:20:48.820 No, there has to be, like.

01:20:50.460 That's not true at all.

01:20:52.180 I think it is true.

01:20:53.640 I think it is. 0.99

01:20:54.740 There's like a urethra, and then there's some other shit. 1.00

01:20:57.080 He's not saying that, obviously, there's the single dick line, but then there's also 1.00

01:21:00.820 the fucking cum line that goes into the dick line, and there's the urine line that goes 1.00

01:21:03.560 into the dick line. 1.00

01:21:04.240 I love the terminology here. 1.00

01:21:06.220 The dick line, and the cum line, and the piss line, and they all come into the urine. 1.00

01:21:09.960 Look, I'm a fucking auto mechanic. 1.00

01:21:11.140 This is how I talk, all right? 1.00

01:21:12.280 This is what you need to, when you go to the doctor, Toad, and be like, I think my cum 0.99

01:21:16.000 line and dick line got squished up. 1.00

01:21:18.800 No, no, it's the piss line and the cum line. 1.00

01:21:21.600 The dick line is a single line, but there's lead-ins. 0.99

01:21:24.140 There's the cum line and the piss line. 1.00

01:21:25.440 Please.

01:21:25.840 Actually, I think Toad is actually the first man to be the next level of evolution, which 0.96

01:21:32.040 is he's having his piss stored in his balls, and what's happening is he's evolving right 0.98

01:21:40.760 now. 0.99

01:21:41.100 It's not a complete evolution.

01:21:42.460 You're right. 1.00

01:21:43.320 His piss is starting to get stored in his balls, and it's mixing with the cum a little 1.00

01:21:48.020 bit. 1.00

01:21:48.120 That's definitely what's happening.

01:21:48.640 I don't know why we didn't think of that.

01:21:49.920 That's so obvious.

01:21:51.420 That's definitely what happened.

01:21:52.700 In hindsight, that's the only answer. 0.99

01:21:54.580 Yeah, I've proven that pee is stored in the balls, so. 0.99

01:21:57.840 Wow. 1.00

01:21:58.360 That's fucking wild, man. 0.99

01:21:59.760 You're welcome. 0.98

01:22:00.120 This is one of the most momentous episodes we have ever put together.

01:22:03.400 I want to thank Melissa for coming on.

01:22:05.660 Go ahead and tell people where they can follow you.

01:22:08.980 MelissaDiaz4U Instagram, and MelissaDiaz4U TikTok.

01:22:14.140 I mean, whatever.

01:22:15.880 Don't follow me.

01:22:18.040 Do you have any dates or anything coming up?

01:22:20.740 Dating men?

01:22:21.540 Yeah, I got some New York dates.

01:22:25.000 You could find them on MelissaDiaz.com.

01:22:28.300 Boom.

01:22:29.060 Love it.

01:22:29.740 How'd you get MelissaDiaz.com?

01:22:31.160 That seems like a tough one to come by.

01:22:33.080 Yeah.

01:22:33.300 Oh, my boyfriend.

01:22:34.020 My boyfriend.

01:22:34.680 Birthday present.

01:22:36.320 Oh, that's cool.

01:22:36.840 Are you serious?

01:22:37.520 That's a pretty cool birthday present. 0.97

01:22:39.440 I was going to assume that all the other Spanish women are just very lazy. 1.00

01:22:44.740 They were, though. 0.98

01:22:48.320 They were.

01:22:48.900 There were no Spanish Melissa, but now they've been percolating. 0.99

01:22:52.220 And I know they fucking hate that. 0.99

01:22:53.400 Wait. 0.99

01:22:53.640 I'm the one that happened.

01:22:54.700 I thought they were all hardworking.

01:22:56.200 There's like actors and interior designer MelissaDiaz's, and I'm the one.

01:23:00.280 I got it.

01:23:00.720 There you're the one.

01:23:01.380 Nice.

01:23:01.480 You got the convenience.

01:23:02.400 It's much better than having, like, your name, like, a star named after you.

01:23:07.040 Yeah.

01:23:07.200 You get, like, a web address.

01:23:11.340 It's so crazy, because for my, like, my business profile, I can't even get Top Lobster.

01:23:17.300 Someone has that.

01:23:18.460 Dude, yeah.

01:23:18.860 And you got MelissaDiaz. 0.96

01:23:19.880 Dude, Melissa, she's actually better than Dave Smith, whose website is still owned by some car salesman.

01:23:26.480 Yeah.

01:23:27.280 Yeah. 0.97

01:23:27.620 Dave Smith's a pretty fucking common name, though, so you got to get it. 0.94

01:23:30.100 Yeah, it's like the most common American name. 0.97

01:23:32.900 Yeah. 0.98

01:23:33.540 If that was a little problem, I'd fucking stunned. 0.96

01:23:35.860 MelissaDiaz is probably pretty common. 0.97

01:23:36.880 No, Dave Smith.

01:23:37.540 Well, in the Bronx, MelissaDiaz is very common.

01:23:39.800 It's like...

01:23:40.040 MelissaDiaz is just ridiculously common. 1.00

01:23:43.920 Yeah.

01:23:44.260 It's insane.

01:23:45.760 I'm going to change my name, actually.

01:23:46.960 I'm thinking about it.

01:23:47.880 What do you think about Victoria?

01:23:48.800 More chains than a Chinese phone book.

01:23:50.260 Just one name?

01:23:51.280 Yeah, it's probably pretty good.

01:23:52.680 Or Melissa Victoria would be really weird. 0.99

01:23:54.280 You should just do a symbol, like Prince.

01:23:58.520 Oh, yeah.

01:23:59.200 Just do it.

01:23:59.920 Yeah, go one word.

01:24:00.840 Just go one word.

01:24:01.520 Yeah.

01:24:02.280 This minute.

01:24:03.380 Yeah, the white power symbol. 0.88

01:24:06.620 This minute.

01:24:07.660 Yeah.

01:24:09.880 Well, it's been a thrill having the daughter of Joey Diaz on.

01:24:12.960 I'm so glad that he's still alive.

01:24:14.960 It's incredible, honestly.

01:24:16.240 I thought for sure all the cocaine he had done, he would have died long ago.

01:24:19.060 But obviously, having a daughter as noble as yourself has kept him alive.

01:24:22.280 Thank you so much for joining us.

01:24:23.400 I am Clint Russell, the host of Liberty Lockdown.

01:24:25.280 I will be having Judge Andrew DePolitano back on the show tomorrow.

01:24:28.560 Do not miss it.

01:24:29.860 Let's go around the bend.

01:24:30.820 Top, lay it on him.

01:24:32.000 Toplopsa.com.

01:24:32.960 Toplopsa underscore on Twitter.

01:24:34.720 And that's it.

01:24:36.360 Reed.

01:24:37.800 Reed Coverdale.

01:24:38.720 Well, Naturalist Capitalist.

01:24:40.280 Just Google it everywhere except Twitter.

01:24:42.400 I still have something.

01:24:44.100 So you'll find me.

01:24:44.960 I have Robbie Martin, Abby Martin's brother, coming on tomorrow.

01:24:48.840 And then Saturday, we've got Patriot J and Jason Rink coming on to recap the Fuentes event.

01:24:56.080 And then Sunday, it's the Four Horsemen with Jeremy Kaufman.

01:24:59.180 So go check it out.

01:25:00.540 Boom.

01:25:01.300 Cool.

01:25:01.520 I'm at Nota4P on Twitter.

01:25:04.440 So you can follow me there.

01:25:05.800 I'm not very active on there.

01:25:07.820 I mostly just retweet and just kind of chill.

01:25:10.360 But I might get more after.

01:25:12.300 But, yeah, just go follow me there.

01:25:13.320 I'll have fun.

01:25:14.820 I will plug Jose's show briefly because he's not here right now.

01:25:18.940 No Way Jose.

01:25:20.080 Oh, yeah.

01:25:20.720 Only because I set in motion his episode that's going to happen tomorrow.

01:25:24.860 He's interviewing Duncan Lemp's widow.

01:25:27.720 So that is going to be a powerful episode of No Way Jose tomorrow night.

01:25:31.280 I'm Toad, Anarcho Toad on Twitter, Tower Power Hour.

01:25:34.800 And next week, I believe we do actually have Benny Wills coming on the show.

01:25:39.500 Stand-up poet.

01:25:40.660 So that's going to be another good episode. 0.95

01:25:42.120 And beyond that, we have no fucking idea what we're doing, as usual.

01:25:46.680 I never say this, but follow me on Twitter, at LibertyLockPod. 0.94

01:25:49.760 I'm about to hit 50,000.

01:25:50.760 So that would be fucking awesome if we could make it happen.

01:25:53.260 I'm still at, like, 47. 0.90

01:25:54.200 But I'm just saying, like, it's getting fucking close. 0.90

01:25:56.040 It's getting fucking close. 0.60

01:25:56.800 It'd be great if you were like, I'm at 22,000. 0.87

01:25:59.100 I'm almost there.

01:26:00.360 I'm about to hit 100K.

01:26:01.920 Just 53 more to go. 0.99

01:26:03.260 Let's fucking make it happen, folks. 0.99

01:26:04.600 Thank you. 0.98

01:26:04.980 Thank you guys for tuning in.

01:26:06.640 We will catch you next week. 1.00

01:26:08.220 Suck our dicks. 1.00

01:26:09.880 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:26:10.600 Fuck yeah. 1.00

Tower Gang - July 22, 2022

Ep 80 - Pissing Cum w⧸ Melissa Diaz

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Summary

Transcript