Tower Gang - Ep 90 - The Dick Root

00:00:00.000 black people what's up retards the funniest 9-11 jokes were written on 9-12 women jerk 1.00

00:00:05.660 off dicks like fucking they're an unruly ferret yeah you ever had a 9-11 cocktail 1.00

00:00:10.940 it's in manhattan with two kamikazes 1.00

00:00:14.200 you see the socialists don't have an accurate answer for this and she needs to account for it 0.90

00:00:21.020 white women must be stopped that's right 1.00

00:00:23.820 we can stay horny and retarded longer than she can stay sane 1.00

00:00:29.760 what your ass ass to penis ratio maybe you could say we had sex but we didn't fuck 1.00

00:00:35.820 oh jesus 1.00

00:00:37.920 fat dave fuck you man 1.00

00:00:41.500 oh i love this show so much this is the highlight of my week welcome everybody to another live stream 1.00

00:00:51.240 edition of tower gang tower power this is clint russell the host of liberty lockdown we got top

00:00:56.240 lofts the number one fucking cartoonist in the game we got cole aka nota for p aka two and a half takes 0.99

00:01:03.220 and we got toad aka the most autistic man on the planet it's awesome that he's here and uh this is 0.65

00:01:10.060 the number one stan podcast for rachel dolezal so i'm so glad you guys we should we should just be

00:01:18.820 we're i mean we're race baiting as well i mean all i mean look at top i mean we don't even know

00:01:22.940 what he is i mean he's actually white he's just a rachel dolezal he's such a big rachel dolezal fan 0.93

00:01:27.380 he became half black half puerto rican my my favorite thing about top is that he's the most racist 0.71

00:01:32.340 member of our show oh yeah it's not even close behind the scenes he's even more racist it's actually 1.00

00:01:37.700 insane my dick only talks white women so mine is the most racist member listen if it wasn't obvious to 1.00

00:01:44.780 the to the people watching i have i have a job i'm here for my kids clearly you are a fake black 1.00

00:01:52.700 person yeah he's got that melanin what up top is gonna have to explain to his kids that he draws 0.99

00:01:59.680 his co-host penises to make money to support them still haven't done that but uh yeah because no one 0.99

00:02:06.140 has sent you a penis yet i thought that was a complete troll and it was just to get somebody to 0.99

00:02:11.720 actually do it i feel like cole probably did it just makes one well i mean i for funsies you know 0.99

00:02:17.780 i actually haven't like i said before i haven't taken a dick pic in so fucking long and also i 0.98

00:02:22.000 haven't shaved in a long time i mean my bush is absolutely insane right now it looks like top's 0.99

00:02:27.360 hair like exactly like top's hair this morning i was looking at my dick and it was it was shorter 0.99

00:02:35.160 than the hair and so like i have a small dick it was just my hair my puse it's like so like 0.99

00:02:41.960 you throw me down there and it has it covered up my dick yeah that's that's not good man if your 0.99

00:02:47.660 pubes are longer than your dick you gotta uh yeah i really fix that situation like i pulled like 0.99

00:02:52.880 everywhere just i don't know how long you've ever gotten your puse but i like pulled one hair because 0.99

00:02:56.620 they're curly and so you don't realize how really long they are i'll pull it out it was at least

00:03:00.900 longer than my erect pita he was like this hair was three three and a quarter inches crazy by the

00:03:17.200 way my my cubes are straight my i don't have curls and that really that can't be right you flat i could 0.99

00:03:24.320 fucking i could like part i could part my dick hair 1.00

00:03:27.080 i can slick it back and fucking make your uh make your dick hair look like a mob boss 1.00

00:03:35.660 can you can you like can you comb it back uh like uh to the back like over your ass and then it's 1.00

00:03:43.580 like a dick mullet i haven't tried but uh that would definitely be a party in the back 0.99

00:03:48.440 dude that it makes you think of that daniel toss joke where he talks about he flat irons his ball 0.88

00:03:54.680 hair and he was like that just makes you think like you're just waiting on ash to get done with 0.96

00:03:58.840 her hair and you'd be like all right give me the fucking come on bro i don't need the flat iron 1.00

00:04:02.740 it dog it's fucking it's it's doing its thing like it's just when i was younger i i had hair like this 0.99

00:04:08.580 like real long nice and curly and i actually did flat iron it and it came out like it was it fucked up 0.99

00:04:14.280 my hair i had to cut it off because i had like beautiful locks but like just killed it why'd you 0.99

00:04:19.340 flat iron was that just like uh i don't know did you fucking know just doing stupid things 0.99

00:04:26.560 no what it is is again he is uh trans racist he's uh he he was white before he wasn't flattering that 0.99

00:04:33.800 was just his hair and then he has to make up the story that's why if we look at back his pictures he 0.76

00:04:37.980 has long you know flowing hair like a white boy did i ever tell you guys the first time i shaved my

00:04:42.840 head no no okay so i was 19 years old this was like the month after 9-11 i have no idea why i

00:04:49.780 remember this um i just turned 19 and i i was super drunk at this house party uh this is actually

00:04:57.340 a true story we did have a an orgy like the weekend prior i don't know if this inspired it

00:05:01.600 uh the only one i've ever been in i have had other threesomes but that was the only orgy i've ever

00:05:09.960 was it was it uh at least 50 50 men and women or was there a surplus of men because that matters 0.95

00:05:16.260 honestly it was either 50 50 or 60 40 girls to guys it was fucking the ratio was right 1.00

00:05:22.060 yeah dude there was like it was like i think it was like seven or eight girls and like six guys i 0.90

00:05:28.980 think um it's a long time ago very long time it's a good race anyways yeah the the next the 1.00

00:05:33.860 next golden ratio it was indeed golden shower ratio and the next weekend i'm super super hammered

00:05:41.920 and i just go into the bathroom and i was like i don't like the way my hair looks my hair i still

00:05:47.340 had a full head of hair back then obviously and uh i just grab a razor and i just wet my hair

00:05:52.820 because i had never shaved my head before so i had no idea that you needed shaving cream

00:05:56.140 oh this was not a mach 3 this was not a mach 2 this was a sink big

00:06:03.120 ladies like leg razor it wasn't a straight razor uh dude yeah no it wasn't and i had no shaving 0.98

00:06:11.820 cream my head first off it took me two and a half hours because the fucking my hair was long i didn't 0.99

00:06:17.600 even buzz my hair down yeah you just went straight from long hair to bald yeah yeah i mean that is 1.00

00:06:23.500 hard two and a half hours but once once you've started that process you're fucked you don't have 0.96

00:06:27.940 any choice so you just keep going so i'm just in there for two and a half hours everyone's like 0.96

00:06:31.200 what are you doing what are you i'm like uh i don't know i shaved my whole head and then the next

00:06:36.420 day my whole head breaks out with like acne because i had absolutely yeah it was so abrasive

00:06:43.640 um so yeah that was not a good decision i grew my hair out and kept it for like another decade

00:06:48.480 after that but it's weird weird first time doing it if you took your head after that and combined

00:06:53.440 it with adam nutter's back you would just be an entire person full of acne oh jesus that was like

00:07:01.360 really that was a just showing like adam nutter getting shots fired at him he told me he was gonna 0.99

00:07:09.340 have me on cult of us tonight and then he was like nah fuck you so so i'll make fun of his back 0.99

00:07:14.580 me while we're here i'll uh do you remember the first time you shaved your pubes though and how 0.99

00:07:20.080 bad that was because i did the same i did the same thing with your bald head that i did with my like

00:07:24.600 pubes like when i was gonna ask no i've shaved both with a manual razor with no shaving cream and 0.98

00:07:30.460 it's fine i don't use shaving cream either yeah i don't fuck around with that stuff wow well i can i can 0.87

00:07:36.020 do it if if it's short like if it's really short it's fine you don't actually need cream but i'm 0.98

00:07:40.080 telling you if your hair is long you don't fucking do that it's no yeah you have to you have to buzz 0.96

00:07:43.380 it first but now i use an electric razor bolt so i use a skull shaver it's quicker and it gets 0.98

00:07:47.900 like close enough and then i obviously i have the manscaped lawnmower 4.0 now yes we're we're aware

00:07:54.180 which i used the other day so now my uh pubes don't look like coals which i'm telling you it's bad

00:08:00.460 like i i legit every every because and here's the thing it's the it's the point where you can't

00:08:06.100 use the razor first i mean unless you're insane like clint and just use a razor on full head of 0.98

00:08:10.220 hair i can't do i have to go in with scissors first which is always a fucking ordeal you guys shave your 0.99

00:08:17.500 bowls with the with the razor yes yes i do not whenever i do i do no yeah hell no yeah lorenzo's in 0.99

00:08:24.300 here like a bitch like i ain't going near the johnson with the razor like yo i live that life bro 1.00

00:08:28.320 listen listen when i when i originally i'm with you when i originally was like shaving or at least 0.99

00:08:34.780 i was keeping it kept whenever i was uh you know a younger man and uh i would use scissors but i

00:08:41.060 couldn't use just like regular fucking scissors because i did i couldn't be seen in my house 0.99

00:08:45.140 taking scissors into the bathroom because it'd be weird scissors are even more perilous oh i know i 0.97

00:08:49.800 know but that's what i use but here's the thing i didn't just even use regular scissors i use cuticle

00:08:55.620 scissors i use the small yeah i swear to god i used to use cuticle scissors he's got cuticle 0.84

00:09:03.620 scissors and a fucking magnifying glass to cut his i was just i mean my my my hand was cramping up 0.96

00:09:09.620 because i would have to you know i could only cut like five hairs at a time like what is wrong with 0.99

00:09:15.020 you straight off the front lines of the azov battalion mr reed coverday of naturalist capitalists

00:09:21.180 is with us welcome in reed so i know reed i tell you these nazis aren't nearly as cool as i was

00:09:25.800 sold that they would be you know those from 80 years ago are way more based do you shave your 0.99

00:09:31.520 balls with a razor of course he doesn't he has no clue he has no idea what you're talking about 0.99

00:09:36.280 look at his face and shave your balls what does that mean he doesn't even shower 1.00

00:09:41.660 i just use a one i use a one thank you top or a one buzzer i don't fucking there's no way i'm 1.00

00:09:50.840 shaving that shit that's crazy very dangerous i'm more i would i would i would go down with like a 0.97

00:09:56.420 razor rather than like a clippers because if you do like a zero on the clippers it'll snag your 0.99

00:10:00.660 balls and stuff like nah i'm not doing that yeah i just use toenail clippers and just like hold

00:10:04.940 tear out individually and snip it i was doing the same basically the same thing i swear to god

00:10:14.480 i could only use my thumb i was joking i don't actually do that i don't know i swear that's

00:10:20.840 what i did for years my thumb would cramp up in the shower how long did it take you hours

00:10:29.460 i mean each individual hair take me i mean i would be in the in the shower for an hour that's

00:10:34.680 actually how that's how chinese people cut their lawn what's the shower hour actually what's what's

00:10:41.040 the logic like the family logic behind that being ashamed of like we're not being ashamed of like if

00:10:46.360 they saw you trip trimming your pubes like what would they would they confront you i don't think

00:10:51.640 they would confront me it's just the thing of like i would have to go and get scissors from

00:10:57.040 outside of the bathroom and then go into the bathroom with scissors and then come back out

00:11:00.840 and put them away and then they would be like why do you have scissors in the bathroom and then i 0.99

00:11:05.140 explain because i'm cutting my dick off because i'm cutting my pubes dad like i don't know yeah well 0.99

00:11:09.520 if you catch your son in the fucking shower with a pair of scissors now you'd be like hey we need do 1.00

00:11:15.300 we need to talk like i know there's pushing shit in public schools but you know you don't want to 1.00

00:11:19.240 take that shit biden biden said this this shit is covered we don't need to use 1.00

00:11:22.880 we can take you to literally any doctor and get the sandal don't worry about it you know i have to 1.00

00:11:30.620 do it yourself son but yeah i i only cut myself i've only ever cut myself like one time and it was

00:11:38.280 a very small little like and i snipped and it just cut the ball yeah but dude if you're cutting near 0.99

00:11:43.000 your beautiful scissors you could give a pretty serious fucking you could give yourself a vasectomy 0.99

00:11:48.460 now the best thing about it was you know the um like at the dick root that's the hardest part 1.00

00:11:54.980 to get the hair out oh you mean like in between by like in between the balls like that yeah in 0.97

00:12:01.140 between yes right there because there's little like even if you shave it it's really hard to get

00:12:05.220 those cuticle scissors small really sharp i mean they would take those things right down 0.87

00:12:09.480 it was the best i understand what you mean yeah like i'm just saying like even if even though you

00:12:14.100 can mess up with like a razor or whatever cuticle scissors if you fuck that up you can have like 0.84

00:12:18.800 a serious incision that's going to be a problem oh yeah because they're very sharp and they're like

00:12:23.480 yeah whatever but like isn't the blade like that long on them they're like an inch long or something

00:12:28.360 tiny little blade curved yeah let me give a little pro tip to the young people out there 0.99

00:12:34.280 if you are working with a subpar wang if you trim it down all the way your dick's going to look 0.98

00:12:40.500 more impressive this is yeah absolutely important stuff right so that's why i leave my bush out as 0.99

00:12:44.980 long as possible because i'm trying to hide your dick he wants to make his dick look smaller 1.00

00:12:50.100 he's like i don't want to scare women off i don't want to scare everybody away he's got this joke that 1.00

00:12:54.940 uh sounds like he's uh talking about what cole's situation is right now he says his pubes are so 0.99

00:12:59.780 long that his dick looks like a piece of chewing gum thrown into a bird's nest pretty sure that 0.99

00:13:05.540 pretty sure those are rap lyrics but all right speaking of rap coolio died well his name is 0.99

00:13:12.540 mark kelly so it's true so i don't see like sailboats flying through the air behind you and 0.98

00:13:19.280 like fucking houses blowing over and shit what's going on oh we're i'm in the eye of the storm right 0.99

00:13:23.360 now so it'll by the end of the show it'll be happening again is that why you're whispering 1.00

00:13:27.240 am i whispering is it quiet sort of like i feel like he's giving us this like weird warm earthy tone

00:13:34.260 oh no no no it my my headphones my gain is like super high so i have to be quiet or else i deafen

00:13:40.860 myself so i gotta figure that figure that out so i think i think you sound fine and yet uh r.i.p to

00:13:45.560 coolio who just died today dude i can't i can't believe that minutes ago he died i guess yeah whatever

00:13:51.560 in the hurricane or he was he was hit by aaron judge's home run ball actually aaron judge hit a 0.90

00:13:58.020 home run and just killed coolio i'm sorry if i'm like callous but all this shit like oh my god 0.93

00:14:03.800 there's a hurricane in florida it's like okay i mean yeah i get that it's not great but is this 0.98

00:14:10.260 like an astronomically awful hurricane or what's going on reads the type of guy to be like there's

00:14:15.440 a war literally going on in yemen right now i mean yeah it's a pretty bad hurricane there are starving

00:14:21.920 kids in africa jose is in the middle of the hurricane right now and we don't know if we're ever going to

00:14:28.680 see him again but whatever he was supposed to come over to my house but uh yeah but he's like

00:14:34.480 you know stout and short so he'll be fine in the hurricane oh yeah oh yeah he's a unit he'll just

00:14:39.880 i mean he's a squat a little bit the hurricane will try to lift him up and it'll just like go up like 0.99

00:14:45.540 an inch and then just kind of get set back down he's just like a fucking dude he might suck that 1.00

00:14:49.220 hurricane down and just like contain it and be like don't fuck you he'll try to fuck it that 1.00

00:14:55.520 hurricane pretty thick he'll just try to stick his dick in it or something yeah that's what toad 1.00

00:14:59.420 if toad lived in florida he'd run out on the porch naked and just be like i love hurricanes well yeah 0.99

00:15:05.580 i i'd get a boner up there and i try to stick my dick right in the eye of the hurricane you know 1.00

00:15:10.300 i still love the hurricane would it not be the best time during a natural disaster would that not be 0.99

00:15:14.880 the best time to do any type of illegal like slightly illegal stuff like uh public nudity 0.76

00:15:19.960 any shit like that because it's not like the cops are really worried about you at that time so you 0.64

00:15:24.000 can kind of get all whatever you know i've been out looting all day i guess not like a movie watch 0.99

00:15:29.340 right now cole a movie you sound like a movie talker right now look if george floyd gets killed by

00:15:37.020 the police i mean i think the standards kind of go out the window for what we're allowed to do right

00:15:41.000 yeah i mean like and plus like what do they really care i mean we just go loot we can go

00:15:46.540 like get naked we can piss in public and nothing should be i mean it should be fine because there's

00:15:51.440 a storm out i mean we're worried more worried about that it's i got another i got another story from

00:15:55.900 that totally correlates same year of life maybe i was 20 at the time no i was 21 i was 21 just turned

00:16:02.360 21 and there was there's these wildfires that happen in southern california all the time in

00:16:06.560 california generally but there was a huge one that like ripped right through the town i was living

00:16:11.260 in which was mira mesa at the time and uh there was fires everywhere and i was a pizza delivery man

00:16:17.820 i worked through the fires i delivered a pizza to la daniel thompson twice got a signed ball anyways

00:16:22.040 that's not the point oh yeah um he's a really nice guy the the point of the story is i was such a 0.82

00:16:26.900 fucking like degenerate alcoholic at the time me and my my buddy mckinney he uh we were like we want 0.93

00:16:33.300 to go to barona which is this indian casino and there's a fucking huge fire that's happening right 0.99

00:16:40.740 then and it's all around us and we're like we have to drive through the mountains to get up there

00:16:45.440 because it's always on indian reservation so you have to go like 35 minutes in the mountains caused 0.80

00:16:49.560 by a gender reveal party uh probably um we drive we drive through this fucking this fire that i'm not 0.98

00:16:56.680 even exaggerating there was flames on both sides of the road we drove around a police barricade and 0.84

00:17:03.540 we ripped through it and we're drinking 40s on the way we get uh we get pulled over on our way home

00:17:10.460 fortunately we had sobered up enough at that point and the cops were just like they they were gonna

00:17:14.360 arrest us because they thought we were out looting and and we were just like no we just went to the 1.00

00:17:18.260 casino they're like oh you're just fucking idiots you're not criminals you're fucking morons 1.00

00:17:23.440 yeah you do like to gamble apparently i remember back in high school my brothers and i and some of 1.00

00:17:29.400 our friends the uh you you remember sandy toad the tropical storm or whatever yeah just it destroyed

00:17:36.280 new york it didn't hit us i was just gonna bring that up pretty bad it hit new hampshire a bit but

00:17:40.400 it was mostly rain with a little bit of wind yeah um but we got like i don't even remember like a foot

00:17:45.800 of rain in a few days or something it was crazy and the river was super high so my brothers and

00:17:51.280 friends and i we just jumped in the river and we were like playing and like the rapids and

00:17:55.580 everything was super dumb and these cops just came and yelled at us stole us to get out but

00:18:00.160 not nearly as exciting as your story but i mean so during we should have both been looting uh that's 0.99

00:18:06.000 the list yeah honestly imagine how many times you've missed out on free shit because you just 0.98

00:18:11.720 didn't loot like you could have done it like there's so many times i could have stolen shit 0.95

00:18:16.060 every day that goes by without looting is a day missed yeah i've been just two days ago 0.97

00:18:24.280 construction worker on storm trouble when you just sit for six days and get paid

00:18:28.780 a hundred dollars an hour to sit in your truck so that's like basically looting it's just like

00:18:32.740 there's a middle man you know two days ago no it's all right two days ago i went to bj's to

00:18:38.220 prep for the storm and i pull a carriage out right and i walk in i take a couple steps i look in the

00:18:42.620 carriage brand new samsung 22 ultra or whatever the fuck the new one is with the stylus and all 0.99

00:18:47.880 that and i have like a one plus right here yeah that one there you faggot that one and and i'm like 1.00

00:18:54.600 what do i do so i open it up and i look through it and i swear to god i look through the text messages 0.95

00:18:59.280 to see if i could call someone there and uh i open it up to someone she's talking with first picture

00:19:03.840 is a picture of a dildo not even no no swear to god he asked my father i showed it to him he's like 0.61

00:19:09.100 what is this wait wait it was it was unlocked as well it was unlocked it was an old lady she was 1.00

00:19:14.100 like like 50 years old or something old haitian lady and i'm like yeah just sitting dildo she's 0.98

00:19:20.080 getting after it though i don't know why did she have nudes on the phone i didn't i didn't look 0.97

00:19:24.960 through all the pictures like that i just looked because i'm like i don't want to fucking once i saw 0.96

00:19:28.660 the dildo it was a black dildo i was like i don't want to look that much more i got i got another 0.95

00:19:33.680 story that correlates and to be honest to be honest i couldn't understand i couldn't understand 0.98

00:19:39.440 half of what they were talking about because it was like all this west indian shit but uh i i ended 0.72

00:19:43.840 up getting in contact with her husband i gave the phone back but what clint was just saying really 0.98

00:19:47.740 resonates with me because i'm like i should have fucking stole this shit i would have yes i could 0.98

00:19:52.380 take the sim card out of that in like three seconds i know how to do it always steal it well here's the 0.97

00:19:57.600 here's the thing it's kind of like uh financial advice if you if you started your roth ira like

00:20:03.740 whenever you're 21 by the like time you're 50 whatever you have three million dollars like no same

00:20:09.520 thing goes with looting if you started looting when you were 18 years old you won't have to work 0.98

00:20:14.400 like every time you have the chance to loot just fucking do it like there it's all i feel like 0.97

00:20:19.240 we're preaching to david brady right now in particular 0.99

00:20:22.260 honestly honestly in the way things are going you're looting will make more money than you

00:20:31.700 brought the ira by the end okay as a straight white male if you get caught stealing it ain't 0.97

00:20:37.520 shit gonna happen to you no nothing about this though if you're um like a young jobless homeless 0.89

00:20:44.120 person basically you're just by being in that state i'm not homeless you're looting from everyone 0.99

00:20:49.840 just literally you could move to california and make a career out of just robbing up to 995

00:20:56.760 oh yeah you could just like all day every day you could just go to stores and pick up 900 bucks 0.97

00:21:01.860 worth of shit walk out over and over and over and then you just go and just sell it online and just 0.96

00:21:06.920 be like every i mean oh i guarantee there are thousands of people in california that are living 0.99

00:21:12.160 off of stealing from stores and amazon and like i 100 somebody has bought something off of amazon or

00:21:18.760 ebay that it was 100 stolen that week from a california store oh yeah this is how we defeat

00:21:24.800 the federal reserve we all just shoplift until they have to bail out everybody this is this is an

00:21:31.600 indirect attack on the united states government okay that's why it doesn't it doesn't break the

00:21:36.380 nap it doesn't break the nap guys okay it's fine jose would support this i'm sure

00:21:39.480 it's called have you guys ever thought about how easy it would be to you know the guys in the

00:21:46.080 get away with it i think about it every day with a bucket in front of them or they stand on the side

00:21:51.400 of the road with a sign that says they're homeless or whatever like think of how easy it's got to be

00:21:56.180 to make like a couple hundred bucks a day doing that like oh you're out there for hours make make bank

00:22:03.060 dude i i knew a bunch of them in carlsbad they were like just drug addicts that were totally fine

00:22:07.900 otherwise and they were like yeah we make hundreds of dollars per day dude man i remember yeah like 0.70

00:22:15.180 you probably did it as a as a kid like if you're saving up for like a baseball game and shit like 0.77

00:22:20.320 they would they would have you guys like bag on the road in your uniforms no oh yeah or like or no 0.99

00:22:24.520 the whole or the chocolate the fucking selling chocolate shit yeah it doesn't count though you're 0.99

00:22:29.380 selling something no no but the funny part is i did see this the other day it was like uh 0.99

00:22:33.760 life hacks it was like literally do the same thing and be like hey we're selling uh chocolate

00:22:39.320 bars for my uh my son's like troop or whatever my son's uh boy scouts and then just never it's like

00:22:46.300 just take all the money literally it's like every every story you guys have brought up today i have a

00:22:52.180 connecting similar story where i committed a crime driving through that fire around the police barricade

00:22:59.940 to the casino that's number one number two uh when i worked at verizon wireless the in the olden days

00:23:06.200 you couldn't uh there was no cloud so like if you wanted to get a new phone you had to give them

00:23:11.000 your phone and they would transfer the data over yeah i was the sales rep they would hand me their phone 0.98

00:23:16.200 this smoking hot lesbian chick and i'm not exaggerating like dime piece lesbian she she hands me her phone 1.00

00:23:23.180 and uh i'm not gonna say his name a dude i'm just gonna take this into the back room right now 0.99

00:23:29.100 yeah no i mean when we would transfer it like we're in this back room by ourselves just sitting

00:23:34.440 there waiting for the shit to transfer so we're just like oh there's a whole bunch of nudes of 0.80

00:23:39.800 her and her girlfriend together i was like this is wild um and number three oh number three i've 0.91

00:23:45.500 already told this story before but um i sold uh i stole and then sold the candy bars for my band class

00:23:51.340 that i was supposed to be selling for this hell yeah that's what i'm talking about so yeah every every

00:23:55.900 story we brought tonight i have a correlating crime you should what uh i've evolved a lot

00:24:00.160 that's what i'm learning hey it's an unethical life hack i mean it's still it's unethical but

00:24:05.520 it's not raw it's not illegal either just to be like hey we're selling this for my kid's troop

00:24:08.640 no it's definitely illegal what i did yeah no no but i'm saying like if you bought these chocolate

00:24:13.840 bars they probably oh oh if you just defrauded people by saying yeah yeah just be like yeah yeah 0.66

00:24:18.240 you see black kids doing that all the time you're right anytime i see a black kid saying this 1.00

00:24:22.180 is for my sports team i'm like look bro you just sell me it i know it's for you it's okay 0.97

00:24:25.640 so so now you see you you went through a chick's phone but what if say so i used to work at cvs

00:24:31.880 and we had a photo development lab there and there would be instances where yeah where women would 1.00

00:24:37.980 you're a real piece of shit toad i can't believe that women would come in there and hand 1.00

00:24:42.200 that is despicable and hand to their camera like that seinfeld episode no so you just be developing 1.00

00:24:48.200 those photos you're like holy shit we're developing this chick's nudes right now like tell me tell me 1.00

00:24:52.440 you made extra duplicates for yourself and you took them home you fucking piece of shit 1.00

00:24:56.100 it's actually have you heard you're required to make copies of what's funny is uh that's actually 1.00

00:25:02.360 uh big j told a story where he actually did that a girl asked him to take pictures of her nude and

00:25:07.120 then oh yeah and then he made the copies and then kept them

00:25:10.400 a co-worker of mine may or may not have text messaged himself with one of those photos and

00:25:20.580 then immediately deleted it from her phone i'm not going to say that that happened just may have

00:25:24.300 happened i mean what's the what what's the right thing to really do in that situation

00:25:30.900 i mean probably not that by the way by now it would literally just get if you found that i know

00:25:40.540 there's a cloud and stuff and they were stupid you would literally just airdrop it i mean people 0.88

00:25:44.560 guys that's 100 happening every day at like verizon t-mobile all these stores they just get it 0.98

00:25:50.260 and they just airdrop it to themselves but i guess they don't actually do it because they don't

00:25:54.040 take it anymore they literally just have it right there beside you

00:25:56.760 i'm glad you picked up on that my co-worker every time i say that it's like a really bad crime

00:26:06.900 uh it was a co-worker it's like my friend jeff did it that's what he said that was the only time i

00:26:13.640 got spanked was when i fucking stole the candy bar here's an origin story for if you guys are 0.96

00:26:21.560 interested why i'm so racist oh yeah please i would love to know yeah and actually 0.93

00:26:26.740 has to do a lot with what we're talking about here with the uh with the looting so uh my origins

00:26:31.980 to racism really started in coney island during hurricane sandy like reed was just talking about

00:26:36.520 um before the water was even rising i couldn't swim pissed you off well you know what they were they

00:26:43.720 were they were all really high up in the projects so none of this should

00:26:46.900 they were looking down on us peasants that owned houses watching the beachfront property they're like 0.96

00:26:54.400 you take it now you fucking my parents bought like subsidized housing for like ten thousand 0.98

00:27:00.380 dollars a hundred years ago and we're just like fucking drowning in this house but once the water 0.99

00:27:05.240 the water wasn't even completely down these guys were out there looting everything and i'm just 0.96

00:27:10.420 watching them like my whole first floor is destroyed my dad's car is fucked up cars flipped upside down 0.98

00:27:15.500 and they're just like they broke the window to the bank they're looting uh the the pharmacies the

00:27:21.260 chinese stores i'm like and and inside of me i felt the hate growing like hey it's jealousy top

00:27:27.760 i thought it was hate but now i realize it was envy

00:27:33.180 they were doing what you wish you could it was just like it's just like when i watch an nba game 0.99

00:27:39.000 makes me racist because i wish i could fucking dunk and i can't so i feel when i watch black porn 0.99

00:27:43.260 that's why that's why i hate george floyd man you wish you could die you want to die no because i 1.00

00:27:58.380 watched his porno god damn it oh yeah sure i wish i could be murdered by the police slowly for nine 1.00

00:28:06.120 minutes so jealous that'll never happen to you toad you too well then they'd make me a martyr and 1.00

00:28:14.240 overdose on fentanyl just as easily as uh george floyd did i hate to break it to you toad but if a

00:28:21.560 cop were to kneel on you until you uh expired you would not get any murals you might make the 18th

00:28:28.820 page on the obituaries honestly we we wouldn't even do like in memoriam on this trophy

00:28:34.100 we wouldn't even have we just keep rolling or nothing art for you for your memorial i'm wondering

00:28:41.720 if uh uh back when we were talking about the hurricane i'm wondering if there was ever a 0.93

00:28:46.360 hurricane named derrick that mostly killed black people and the black people weren't able to breathe

00:28:50.780 when they were in the hurricane wow hey by the way did someone did mention before about uh

00:28:58.800 when uh hurricane katrina and they had to bring in blackwater because of all the amount of looting

00:29:03.100 which i remember like hearing about oh yeah yeah that gangs controlled streets like they can like

00:29:09.400 at that point there was no police and they'd be like you go on that street that's owned by that

00:29:12.760 like literally owned by that gang and you will get shot you will get shot and it was like anarchy

00:29:18.880 and that was and that was like two years after katrina happened there it is right there i think 60

00:29:25.100 percent of the national guard was deployed when katrina hit so that's why they had to do that

00:29:30.100 that's why that's why kanye said uh george bush doesn't love black people he said george bush hates

00:29:35.920 black people one of the hardest things i've ever listened to was uh eric prince who was the founder 1.00

00:29:41.820 of of blackwater it's two hour long podcast and i'm not gonna lie to you it it came across so much 0.99

00:29:50.520 more reasonable and well managed than our actual military did that i was like i was like fuck this 0.84

00:29:55.440 does sound better it really did yeah i think i've heard the same thing well there's actually if you

00:30:00.860 look it up john stossel did a whole thing on blackwater and he was basically like hey they're

00:30:05.560 i mean it is like what they're doing because they were paid by the government but they are so much

00:30:09.860 better than the army and just the government armed forces like they they kill so many less

00:30:15.060 civilians they lose so they use so much less money it's actually way better yeah and they and they

00:30:20.940 end up paying their guys like quadruple the wages that the military pays and yet it still costs

00:30:26.760 significantly less it's incredible how inefficient the government military is versus even this like

00:30:32.980 quasi private military the guy the guy is terrible by the way it's terrible what they because i know they

00:30:38.820 did commit some but it's like crazy the like the war crimes that they committed are so blown out of

00:30:43.860 proportionate compared to like us literally yeah like air strikes it's just like war crimes that

00:30:50.140 they commit yeah i'm sure they did i thought i think there was a couple things that they were

00:30:56.160 like i think like they may have like shot like a couple civilians like literally it wasn't it wasn't

00:31:01.940 anywhere on the scale of like no it wasn't like what the u.s military did in guantanamo or literally

00:31:06.480 one airstrike by the military i think probably has had more civilian casualties than the entire like

00:31:11.680 time blackwater was over there those are uh precision surgical strikes call they only yeah

00:31:16.240 that's right uh blackwater was just uh what was going on in jackson mississippi so i don't know 0.99

00:31:22.560 what's going on again well can you have a like a worse name than black that's such a fucking like 0.99

00:31:29.620 it's a it's a great name dude it's a great name but i mean even before like if i never heard i'll 0.99

00:31:35.400 be like blackwater that's definitely a pmc and they definitely like kill people like just 0.90

00:31:40.340 indiscriminately for money anything you pay them well it's it's extremely racist because it's making 0.98

00:31:45.680 fun of the fact that black people can't swim so but black people can't play baseball either and 1.00

00:31:51.380 yet look at aaron judge rock making there we go on aaron judge that's what i wanted thank you top 0.95

00:31:56.500 yeah i did what i wanted to ask about this because aaron judge you know if you don't care about

00:32:01.060 sports ball fucking tune out jose is not here he's dying sorry buddy uh yeah before you before 0.97

00:32:11.220 you go over to sports we need to sick blackwater on blackrock and that will oh that's a great idea 1.00

00:32:17.840 honestly honestly they probably blackrock definitely plays blackwater for a couple things to do

00:32:23.120 yeah the problem is that that blackwater would do whatever the highest bidder would want and

00:32:28.420 trust me blackrock would blackwater is the one night in arkansas right that's like

00:32:34.720 they're affiliated with the clintons and oh blackwater keep on i don't think so dude no i think

00:32:40.640 they were in virginia really yeah all right i'm getting this confused then but no i want to talk

00:32:46.440 about okay so aaron judge hit 61 home runs which is the which is ties roger mares yes and he already

00:32:53.600 60 was uh blackwater was black on black crime thank you and when the guy hit when aaron judge

00:33:04.680 hit the 60s which was the uh break bay bruce record uh the fan caught it and if you don't know if you

00:33:11.160 catch the ball as a fan you own that ball that is yours it is not like it's not the the teams it's

00:33:17.260 not the players it is your ball you can do whatever the fuck you want with it this this basically 0.78

00:33:21.460 legalized uh sports memorabilia looting if you will yes you can and you can do whatever you want 0.98

00:33:28.640 with it and these retards this guy caught a historic ball get and he got a signed jersey out of it he met 0.93

00:33:35.920 aaron judge gave it back to him and got a signed jersey out of it and to me i just wanted to ask the

00:33:41.700 panel here what the minimum amount you would take because mine is i want a half a milli i want a half a

00:33:47.580 million dollars minimum to get for because that's market price on these balls i want um aaron judge's 0.95

00:33:54.860 annual salary in money jesus christ i think the better question is how much do you think you could

00:34:01.860 get you can get a half a million you know it depends it it might not come from aaron judge but

00:34:07.560 it would definitely come from a sports memorabilia like see i don't think so i think 61 is going to get

00:34:13.300 more money than uh than the 60th well i mean i'm saying 81 any one of these 61 however but i'm

00:34:19.900 saying that there's a higher price tag like 61 is going to be higher and then i see i think 62 is 0.80

00:34:24.620 probably the most valuable because that's you know the fuck the part about 61 he just hit it landed in 0.98

00:34:29.940 the bullpen the guy someone reached over just missed it yeah and it's in the damn by the way there 0.96

00:34:35.760 was a massive nobody caught it uh there's a massive pile for 60 it was actually do you remember when 0.96

00:34:42.220 when barry bonds was was chasing the record and yeah it was a fucking yeah of course he's got the 0.92

00:34:48.180 73 or some shit um but it was it was just bedlam every time he would hit one and i'm telling you 0.96

00:34:56.080 i've never seen in all my years watching baseball i have never seen a hitter that was more feared

00:35:03.860 and like it was almost an assurance if you didn't walk him that season yeah almost certainly hitting

00:35:10.160 a home run it was fucking bizarre he would get walked like four times out of five in a game and 0.92

00:35:15.720 he would hit a home run on the fifth it was crazy there's there's actually a great video uh 0.98

00:35:20.700 what yeah he was so roided out his his hat size went up a fucking inch throughout his career 0.97

00:35:28.320 he had like he went from like a seven and a half cap to like eight and three quarters 0.98

00:35:32.400 and and people were like i don't know i don't know if he's written or not i'm like fuck yes he is 0.90

00:35:38.060 his head's growing here's the thing i would also like do outlandish requests i'd be like all right 0.96

00:35:44.060 for like the rest of the year erin if you want this ball back erin judge has to like come out to 1.00

00:35:50.420 like my little pony like soundtrack i do shit like that i'd be like i'm not even looking for money 0.99

00:35:56.480 i'm just looking for like sexual favors yeah i want aaron judge to blow me before every uh 0.98

00:36:02.420 remaining yankees game i just want i just want it on the jumbotron one time i want aaron judge to 0.99

00:36:07.300 assassinate the president before 0.79

00:36:08.580 bye bye youtube 0.99

00:36:13.080 god damn it not wants kamala to be president apparently i just want the most chaos 1.00

00:36:20.440 no i would really i would trade it for uh like rachel dolezal nudes 0.98

00:36:24.580 you can get that for like 5.99 a month come on i want a subscription to rachel dolezal's only fans

00:36:33.460 that's what i want for this i'm telling you like even though that's not the most financially

00:36:38.300 intelligent thing for virality purposes if that's what your request was and you made it publicly

00:36:43.060 it would be a fucking legend it would be so funny oh by the way she would owe you money too 1.00

00:36:48.400 she would owe you oh yeah she would be incredible marketing 0.98

00:36:51.900 there would be a caveat to it i would i would want a like a lifetime subscription to her only fans but

00:36:59.140 i would also want that nobody else could subscribe to it i now own your nudes i own you rachel

00:37:07.700 and she's like required rachel you're really black now i own you 1.00

00:37:11.460 it's so rare that you make a racist joke that is genuinely funny and that was genuinely 0.54

00:37:21.220 uh toad if you if you could please pull up mrs dolezal i would like to see her 0.58

00:37:25.580 her bohemian dotty so and by the way jose was just in our in uh the tower game group chat he was 0.98

00:37:31.840 saying that he would fuck her of course and you guys were saying that i would and i'm saying i 0.99

00:37:37.820 would not i know 100 would why do you always lie i know who i would fuck and you would not know 1.00

00:37:44.920 you would totally fuck that 1.00

00:37:47.180 no i would not just disgusting well i want to fuck it because clint's face is covering that 1.00

00:37:54.120 fucking bitch you know so that's right if you fuck her in the ass you're actually fucking clint's 1.00

00:37:58.360 mouth so that's that's how this works i don't know what's so off-putting about her i think it's 1.00

00:38:04.680 what we know about head i think it's it's honestly it's the hair her face is awful yeah her hair is 0.99

00:38:10.440 really bad her the lipstick is not so good you would be on that immediately i don't know how old 0.99

00:38:16.660 is she i don't know she has the face of a dude that's the problem he does have the face of it yeah

00:38:21.280 her face is awful so maybe jose is actually right because jose said that her face is awful but he 0.99

00:38:26.640 would fuck her body essentially yeah he's right but jose said that about every 0.99

00:38:32.940 please we have others can we can we see more toad please i don't think we have anything else censored 1.00

00:38:38.720 top top uh no no the rest the rest don't need to be yeah yeah she's in lingerie and shit all right 0.79

00:38:44.820 one second he's about to get us banned by looking at the first picture he's getting distracted 0.94

00:38:49.720 i i i she was always been even like which is so crazy her her timeline of literally being 0.71

00:38:58.560 fake black and then like and that blew up and then like and then like she never did she ever 0.56

00:39:04.500 admit that she actually was white or did she always like double down i can't remember double down 0.97

00:39:09.680 no she said that like she's like black inside and that's what matters 0.98

00:39:13.840 we could do this as long as i don't scroll the wrong way i put her i put her right up there 1.00

00:39:18.020 with like monica lewinski for some reason like she's in that category whatever that category is 1.00

00:39:22.080 she's famous for just being like i i guess like it's a weird type of famous kind of thing yeah i mean 0.97

00:39:29.840 if it weren't for that fucking head dude i know the head is rough what if she straightened what if 1.00

00:39:37.420 she straightened out her hair by the way that could be easily be uh photoshopped into a swastika 0.99

00:39:44.180 that's not even that's so all right fine i'd do her

00:39:48.280 oh god she is it's just she she looks like a 1.00

00:39:56.340 she looks like a female jose her body is so thick 1.00

00:40:01.240 that's honestly not what comes into my mind but just female jose is something i've never thought 1.00

00:40:13.080 she looks like she can squat like 450 dude she is thick like a motherfucker 1.00

00:40:17.740 i think we just figured it out jose likes thick women because they look like him and he likes to 1.00

00:40:24.040 just envision fucking himself 100 dude total narcissist would you fuck yourself if you're a 1.00

00:40:29.140 woman like i mean like like picture the most attractive woman of yourself would you feel 1.00

00:40:33.400 i will oh wait are you saying would they 1.00

00:40:35.840 woman of myself i would fuck the female version of me if that's what you mean what i'm saying is 1.00

00:40:40.740 your sister are you no i because there's a lot there's a lot of things here it is if i was a 1.00

00:40:47.080 woman and i saw myself would i oh i've seen i've seen your conversion picture to a female and i 1.00

00:40:53.240 would fuck you yeah oh yeah i would or are you saying if i was a woman would me fuck me as a 1.00

00:41:00.180 woman you exist different things you exist as you do right now but there's like an alternate universe 1.00

00:41:04.860 where you were born a woman right and and then that's like cool we got an important problem here 0.94

00:41:11.500 the picture where like you were uh where you uh were a woman and then you transferred it back to a

00:41:18.040 man from woman you're way hotter as a dude you know when he went from woman back to dude and it's 0.94

00:41:25.520 got the beard or whatever it's a transition post transition yeah coal as as the zipper tits is the 1.00

00:41:31.860 uh the hottest oh yeah total smoke show but dave dave was a fucking timepiece yeah dave was oh yeah 0.98

00:41:39.980 i remember they talked about it on because it was the time that dave got mentioned on legion of skanks 0.97

00:41:44.700 but right after that they talked about female dave and how they would all fuck all day yeah 1.00

00:41:47.960 female dave for sure i i will say i want to call total fucking bullshit right now toad you said you 1.00

00:41:53.700 wouldn't fuck racial dolezal but you would fuck female you oh yes oh well have you seen that 1.00

00:42:00.340 toad female you is meg from family guy no no no no no no i i i could try to find uh the female 1.00

00:42:10.160 by the way it is it is like of course we would fuck the females of ourselves we already fuck 1.00

00:42:16.160 ourselves on the daily i have never once you freak no you just gave yourself a hand job you 1.00

00:42:23.800 wouldn't even go all the way ace told me to go fuck myself and i told him make me i was talking 1.00

00:42:30.520 about masturbating but i'm talking about a hole in one would it be masturbation though if you did 1.00

00:42:34.700 fuck your female self i mean that like because then this happened this would be gay in the lucky 1.00

00:42:39.260 show as a female if my dick was big enough to to put between my legs and into my butt no i mean 1.00

00:42:45.740 would i do it i wasn't that wasn't we weren't even talking about that no i think i think it's the 1.00

00:42:51.940 important question that we should be talking about quick thoughts how does that work though because

00:42:56.800 you'd have to be semi-hard right because you couldn't have a full boner because no i can just i 0.99

00:43:01.400 can just shove my limp dick into my butthole i feel like we've spoke about this so many times 1.00

00:43:06.620 i think about it almost every time i'm on the show i talked about it in a car i think when we 1.00

00:43:13.460 were at tom woods 2000 as well did you watch toe did you watch the uh the rick and morty that i was

00:43:19.820 talking about that was kind of weird no not yet i gotta i gotta catch up man i'm behind right now 0.99

00:43:24.740 has everyone watched rrr not yet dude you're such a fucking scum watch trip so good i need 0.99

00:43:31.460 what are you doing yeah it's a huge time commitment man it's three something fucking hours it's an epic 1.00

00:43:38.020 saga get off of twitter for a couple of minutes oh you spend days arguing with fucking retards 1.00

00:43:42.920 online you can absolutely watch rrr reed have you watched it stop ignoring me i have not god 1.00

00:43:48.560 watch it the bitch even like the critical the critical drinker said it was like one of the best 1.00

00:43:53.340 movies of all time reed probably doesn't have a netflix subscription probably not i could use 0.97

00:44:00.360 one of my siblings there you go it makes me it made me like 10 times more straight that's how good

00:44:06.740 that movie was it was even though there was a lot of homosexual energy in that movie no but that's

00:44:12.460 that's why i'm so straight now because but it wasn't yeah it wasn't when you get to a level of

00:44:17.580 heterosexuality it's almost indecipherable from homosexual right right is it like they're 1.00

00:44:22.920 they're fucking i mean that's kind of where we are in a heterosexual way yeah we're like you know 0.99

00:44:27.800 a bunch of dudes a bunch of straight dudes who have straight sex with each other like i don't 1.00

00:44:31.640 really think basically the sexual spectrum is a horseshoe theory yeah it's warrior technology if you 0.96

00:44:36.320 get super straight or super gay you're right next to each other right next to each other yeah i just 0.71

00:44:41.020 want to know which one of you guys is willing to put me on your shoulders run through a field 0.99

00:44:44.700 while we slay our enemies bro i'll do it i'm trying to get there i'm trying i'm trying to bulk

00:44:50.300 up that's what i'm trying to get there yeah but the movie is triple r it's rr and it's on netflix and 0.91

00:44:58.560 you should definitely watch everybody listening shut off this stupid show and go watch rr right now

00:45:03.220 it is three hours long but the three hours of constant attention you you will not look away at one 1.00

00:45:10.660 point is it gay to put your your buddy on your shoulders like because no no my not my best man 0.98

00:45:16.220 did that yeah my best man did that during my wedding for some pictures and like i'm wearing slacks you 0.99

00:45:22.920 know like like dress pants and i'm like oh like he can feel my balls yeah you're right it is kind of 0.98

00:45:29.440 gay it's weird but if it's if it's to slay your enemies is it gayer to do that or is it gayer to 0.98

00:45:35.960 because they were also riding the motorcycle together and he was like wrapped up around him 0.99

00:45:39.560 i mean is that gayer that shit's gayer than given a is it gayer if you're riding your buddy on his 0.99

00:45:47.540 shoulders and you're facing you're riding your buddy at all it's gay no but you're riding your 1.00

00:45:52.860 buddy is it gay is it uh if my dick is directly in his ass instead of being behind your head he's 1.00

00:45:58.400 sitting in front of your face with it yeah that's what i'm saying yeah that's what i'm saying 1.00

00:46:01.620 it's kind of hot actually i mean it's hard to see where you're going yeah i don't understand why 1.00

00:46:05.560 you would do that what's the logistics here that's like the fucking you're slaying your 1.00

00:46:13.860 enemies while your buddy is sucking your cock it's not gay dude honestly i can't believe it's 1.00

00:46:20.840 not already like a uh like a sexual position for gay guys dude that's the kanye west video that 1.00

00:46:26.240 fucking uh that uh seth rogan and uh the other dude parody the face hugger that's easy it's just 0.99

00:46:32.540 like the face hugger and it's because it's just like the face i don't have these i'm so racist i 0.98

00:46:41.140 don't even i don't that they gave it to me for free and i called them and i said you better cancel

00:46:45.580 get out of here we don't we don't do that here 0.99

00:46:50.820 it'd be so funny you were like uh yes uh yes i want stars and i want hbo and i want cinemax

00:46:59.860 but uh please take off bet that is way too uh like bad for my family i don't want them watching 0.97

00:47:05.580 that shit on my tv yeah you can pick your specific channels yeah you can have an all white lineup of 0.95

00:47:12.740 channels dude you know what would be a great idea is to just call up companies like come up with a 1.00

00:47:18.460 thousand different ideas of like seemingly benign but obviously racist things that you could

00:47:25.100 then just record the calls as you like call direct tv and be like look i'm not interested in bt i

00:47:31.540 i understand it's included in the package i need you to remove it and then i'll pay extra 0.98

00:47:37.080 i will pay ten dollars more per month as long as you get this off my fucking tv listen you know how 0.98

00:47:45.720 we used to have our own water fountains i want my own tv package okay i want their tv package over there 0.98

00:47:52.680 and i want my area and libertarian well you know that's that's what black water actually is it's the

00:48:00.240 colored drinking fountain and then you could call up like experian or any credit agency and just be

00:48:07.740 like just just ask them like get customer service on the phone and be like hey what's my credit score

00:48:14.240 compared to like you know and just just beat around the bush never say it overtly just beat around the

00:48:22.640 bush okay chase i think i think i've had some fraudulent activity on my card and they're like

00:48:26.640 really where it's like are there any a black owned businesses because if so it wasn't me

00:48:34.640 this is this is gold this is gold that was like my uh credit card once alerted me that it was used

00:48:43.780 at a liquor store in philadelphia to buy hennessy it's like calling up you knew the complexion of the

00:48:52.520 of the perpetrator right away be like uh like sorry i only go to sports clips there is a charge

00:49:01.780 on here for a own for a black barber shop i did not go to this there's a charge on you for rachel 0.99

00:49:08.660 dolezal's only fans that was not that was not clint clint you look like you've drank hennessy in your

00:49:14.060 day have you oh yeah yeah i mean you had to try it like in my in my early 20s i was such a partier

00:49:19.640 and i was such a fan of rap you know so i would get it for some house parties and just like we'll

00:49:24.380 walk around with the house party be like look at me with my hennessy is it that good is it any good

00:49:28.960 no i fucking hate hennessy i think it tastes almost like like uh like i don't know like a schnapps or 0.97

00:49:36.020 like a wine kind of it's weird remember when kramer drinks it on seinfeld and he's like being like the 0.98

00:49:41.040 the spokesperson for it he's like oh this hennessy goes down smooth and you can't even smell it on you

00:49:47.400 later it'll be our little secret what's the other one they really go hennessy gold they really go

00:49:52.100 crazy for that i don't even know if they make oh and bacardi they love bacardi too oh i loved

00:49:56.180 bacardi i'm thinking of henness damn it yeah and and ciroc ciroc was the other oh ciroc yeah they do 0.50

00:50:03.140 like ciroc you're naming all the liquors that i was yeah you gotta pop it you gotta pop the

00:50:10.080 what i learned i worked at a section 8 housing patrone patrone for sure i worked at section 8 0.99

00:50:16.580 housing patrone is good i still fuck with patrones but the rest of that stuff is garbage 0.93

00:50:22.580 hyper chilled patrone super smooth like the one the one that really got me was whenever i worked 0.98

00:50:29.060 like i said i worked at a section 8 housing and every monday mornings when we had to do trash clean

00:50:33.540 up it was always tequila bottles everywhere which i could not it was i mean completely black i got

00:50:40.660 another i got another criminal offense i was working at albertson's it was my first it was my first job

00:50:48.560 ever and i was i was maybe 15 16 i don't know long time ago anyways uh this one time i saw a bottle of

00:50:58.500 booze that was broken the handle was broken it was like a handle of i don't know jack morgan or uh

00:51:03.620 captain morgan jack morgan i combined the two anyways um i go over to my manager and i'm like hey

00:51:09.200 i see a broken bottle here um what do i do and she's like hey you got to take it outside you know 0.76

00:51:15.180 there's a dumpster just you know blah blah blah i was like i'm fucking 16 i can't buy booze 0.98

00:51:21.300 fuck that i spit it i spit it behind the dumpster and then i i call up my buddy and i'm like yo 0.99

00:51:26.840 go to my work and pick up this bottle the next week same thing we got a house party on the weekend 0.99

00:51:32.500 i have no access to booze i can't buy it legally i fucking break the handle on my own in the store 0.95

00:51:38.400 and i tell my manager same thing i was like you want me to you want me to you want me to 0.94

00:51:42.760 the story where clip was talking about how he just took it outside he started drinking instead of

00:51:48.540 throwing it away it took me a little while to realize what was illegal about that i stole it

00:51:53.440 broke it and then i stole it the first one the first one was just resourceful it was just wasn't

00:51:58.440 being wasteful the second one was overt threat no no the first one yeah it was broken so they were

00:52:03.400 going to throw it out right yeah so i didn't do anything wrong that time the second one though i did

00:52:07.020 it was he stole that that uh arc from uh super bad where they're they're putting the beer in the i was

00:52:13.240 literally thinking the same thing i was literally thinking the same exact thing especially when he goes 0.99

00:52:17.440 there he drops it all and it cuts the fucking woman's head off you know what i'm talking about 1.00

00:52:21.600 i don't remember i don't remember yes yes he he has a like a daydream sequence where like he gets 0.99

00:52:28.780 caught by the police and he cuts a woman's head off with the broken glass yeah i do remember that yeah 0.74

00:52:35.380 fuck it i love super bad i watched that movie at least once a year it's such a great movie it is good 0.97

00:52:41.020 really good it's like it was like the last good comedy it was like the last yeah it was definitely 0.99

00:52:46.560 one of them yeah dude it was it was like realistic basically like it's it was the last it was i think

00:52:52.940 so i think it was like the last based comedy it spoke to like high school me quite a bit but i was

00:52:58.100 mclovin so you were definitely yeah yes have you heard about how uh uh uh what was it um jonah hill

00:53:06.780 like jonah hill legitimately hated the actor that played mclovin like he actually did not like him

00:53:13.040 yeah in real life yeah there's stories about it by the way there's there's an lp new hampshire guy

00:53:17.600 that looks exactly like him there's a lot of libertarians that look like him i was gonna say

00:53:21.980 every time i go to a libertarian party event at all there's like 50 mclovin no it's the guy that

00:53:26.880 like runs uh the shell like steven steven nash or whatever actually every group at a libertarian

00:53:33.660 event just looks like the cast of super bad i mean that's literally just a fat guy with the jew fro 0.99

00:53:39.700 no no we hate jews we don't allow them to our events skinny tall guy and then that's very like 1.00

00:53:47.020 fucking socially awkward and then another like mclovin the leader of our events is a jew toad what the 0.99

00:53:53.800 fuck yeah i just i just figured out why i'm a libertarian is because i i just gravitate towards 0.99

00:53:57.940 any scene that reminds me of super bad this this is where i'm supposed to be yeah 0.99

00:54:02.540 it's funny actually we're running a jew for senate and we have a like practicing jew and

00:54:09.200 our comms team lp new hampshire but i don't think that's funny i think it's just uh evidence that

00:54:14.660 we're not what people say we are no it's funny because lp new hampshire gets the most accusations

00:54:19.960 oh right before i was there by the way like it's not a new thing like it's been a thing for a while

00:54:25.160 but yeah matt robinson four out of the five tower power guys has jerked off in the same room with

00:54:29.740 another dude i'm pretty sure to jerked off in the room i was in who's the guy that didn't i didn't 0.99

00:54:35.820 uh jerk off with toad i just fucked him because i was in the bedroom oh i did i did that one time 1.00

00:54:40.640 that was the only time though reed you jerked off that one time uh where you were like moaning 1.00

00:54:45.720 in your sleep remember that i i went i went to college of course i jerked off in the room with 0.67

00:54:50.240 some other oh yeah that's right no we've slept together a lot now down in florida and in new

00:54:54.280 hampshire yeah that's right i jerked off finally moved to new hampshire i'm just gonna you can move

00:54:59.180 in with me what disturbs me what disturbs me is all these stories i've been hearing from

00:55:03.700 like legion of skanks and elsewhere for some reason there's like this phenomenon where guys are just 0.96

00:55:08.580 like this other comedian was on uh joe rogan he was talking about it too all these dudes are saying 0.99

00:55:13.340 that they fucking had jerk off parties with their friends yeah that's a very weird was not happening 0.99

00:55:18.380 with me i'm assuming it did happen with one of you so fucking open up i haven't done that shit for 1.00

00:55:24.080 like three years i swear to god i have never been a jerk i i was also flabbergasted when i heard i was 0.99

00:55:32.420 like what the fuck that is the gayest shit i've ever heard that can't be right i've heard of like my 1.00

00:55:37.060 friends we know you've never even like taking your penis out of your pants with anyone else 1.00

00:55:42.060 and by the way it does seem more like uh like an older school like a like clint's age type of 0.99

00:55:48.100 thing like whenever they were just my sister it was like a 90s thing yeah because internet porn

00:55:53.540 didn't exist and so it was all like hey this guy has like porn so let's go to her head's house and

00:55:57.960 watch it they didn't have the decency to do it in private because yeah resources to do it oh no i

00:56:02.940 do remember like uh yeah when we were like pretty young like probably around like 13 14 we were like 0.63

00:56:09.060 yeah dude like let's look at some pictures of naked chicks oh oh i absolutely looked at porn when 1.00

00:56:14.460 i was a kid with my friends but we never consider not jerking off with each other now i'm sorry i 0.99

00:56:20.700 don't want to derail the conversation but there's a comment here that just seems too schizo to not 0.98

00:56:24.680 read tyler yeah can you just what the fuck does this mean i am a lover i had to agorist to ancap 0.93

00:56:31.920 unfortunately i have to make a billion to support you guys 0.97

00:56:34.180 all right tyler do it a billion yeah it seems high but all right do it

00:56:41.440 if any of you losers have 100k i can get you gary

00:56:44.620 gwarted 0.96

00:56:45.720 is he that is he he's the outlaw barber guy that we see on twitter i like that guy

00:56:51.700 what is gwarted i don't know he might be guaranteed and it just totally fucked it up oh okay okay 0.94

00:56:57.960 i'm with guaranteed hey guys i gotta leave in like 10 minutes have you done the slurp

00:57:03.780 we know no we haven't i didn't want to see this before before we drop your plugs well we can go

00:57:08.880 into the slurp i got 10 minutes i just want to get to the slurp racket but um whenever i was in

00:57:14.260 college because i mean i was on top bunk this is my freshman year and i i was in the ra's room and

00:57:19.800 so it was like and the college i went to it was very you know definitely no jerking off

00:57:25.180 uh yeah i'm sure nobody ever did it yeah but um and then one night i was i was on top bunk and 0.99

00:57:32.640 my ra was on the bottom bunk and i was jerking off on the top of his mouth 0.99

00:57:37.400 no no it was like in the middle of the night and i jerked off and that's some sigma mindset 1.00

00:57:42.500 shit if you just shoot a rope in your ra's mouth 1.00

00:57:45.380 dude the the spider-man that hoe the next day he was like hey man why was the bed 1.00

00:57:55.100 shaking last night i was like oh i was cold man i was really cold i have seizures actually uh

00:58:01.780 i'm pretty sure that when i was a freshman in college we had a female ra at one point and one 0.99

00:58:07.820 of the dudes on my floor was like pretending to like smack her in the head with his dick 0.97

00:58:11.400 dude we had we had a male ra that she would just fly back then man we had we had a male ra in my dorm 1.00

00:58:18.020 and he was like probably 28 29 and this dude was a fucking scumbag he was smashing all the freshmen 0.99

00:58:25.000 because i was in a freshman dorm so these girls were like fresh they had no idea what was going on 1.00

00:58:30.180 and this fucking handsome 29 year old just yeah well i mean some of them were 17 anyways he's this guy 0.98

00:58:37.340 definitely in prison living in the jesus by the way by the way if you if you smack a chick across 1.00

00:58:45.260 the head or whatever with your dick and you say who's the boss it's called the danza slap 0.99

00:58:49.060 my my uh stepdad charlie talk about hitting women on this show 1.00

00:58:53.340 my my stepdad charlie went to to high school with tony danza true story really yeah does he have a

00:59:00.340 in new york one more thing about uh things that i was uh i was skipping church one time um which was

00:59:07.060 obviously can't do that either um and i was taking this is why you're so bad yeah so bad i was taking

00:59:13.220 a shower and uh you know scrubbing up i'm all i'm all soapy soapy up it was definitely and i was 0.94

00:59:20.220 definitely and then i hear a a door close outside of my dorm and i was like oh shit so i run butt naked 0.67

00:59:27.880 and i used to i would hide under my bunk bed that's how i would get out of it because they

00:59:31.800 would come and check oh yeah that same dude i was talking about would just walk around our floor 0.98

00:59:35.860 completely naked even though there were chicks and stuff he was like i don't give a shit but i was so 0.99

00:59:40.100 i would i like yeah ran and uh slid like my soapy ass under the uh the bunk bed and hid myself and i 0.99

00:59:48.280 stayed under there and it was freezing cold i was freezing and i look out and i see soapy footprints 0.82

00:59:52.960 going all the way to my bed it would be the funniest if he did come in here he just saw soap

00:59:59.540 footprints and then flips up the bed and just sees me i'm still i'm still i missed i missed something

01:00:04.760 why why did you have to hide i heard a door closed because he was skipping church and i was skipping

01:00:10.840 and i was in the shower and i heard a door close and so i i was like there's an ra doing a double

01:00:17.260 check because they'd already checked before wait your ra would actually be able to regulate whether

01:00:21.320 or not you went to church oh yeah yeah they would college they yeah it was christian college all 0.98

01:00:26.860 right yeah i was like what the fuck they would check so envious of clint's like removal from 0.98

01:00:33.100 the religious like craziness oh dude i don't know anything about it honestly dude yeah it was i mean 0.96

01:00:38.600 i got caught multiple times skipping church but like yeah it was and but that was i did not get 0.97

01:00:43.320 caught but i was under there cold as fuck completely naked wet and soapy and i had to like reach my 0.98

01:00:49.500 handout and like this is the hottest story you've ever told me oh man i was yeah i'm getting hard 0.99

01:00:54.440 sitting here although my dick had to be tiny though from being that cold yeah yeah oh it was i mean 0.94

01:01:00.880 the story just gets hotter and hotter i just i really like the defense mode i like how tyler is still 0.96

01:01:06.420 typing here and just he's trying to justify himself but it's just getting worse i don't i don't get it

01:01:11.240 he said he's drunk so there is that oh that's yeah the only time i got caught i was actually not 0.91

01:01:17.040 masturbating my sister walked in and she thought i was masturbating but i was staring at a picture 0.99

01:01:21.420 of a baconator that i was about to order yeah so you were masturbating yeah i had my dick out at 1.00

01:01:29.020 least that's the most appropriate story you've ever told the most toad thing i've ever heard 1.00

01:01:33.820 my sister walked in and thought i was masturbating but i was looking at a baconator 0.94

01:01:38.340 you have you have a picture of your sister oh does she look like you with hair does she look the 0.91

01:01:44.180 female version of you no like meg does your sister look exactly like meg be honest 1.00

01:01:49.740 no my sister was like 5 11. i thought you were about to say my sister was hot and i was being 0.99

01:01:56.920 like jeez wait is your sister hot i i can't judge answer it totally wait wait wait your sister right 1.00

01:02:06.360 now we can we can judge do you have a picture i have a picture i'll i'll send you one good we will

01:02:12.560 get a line here we gotta judge on no i'm just kidding we will get a line detector test on this

01:02:17.420 show until you answer this question toad wait send it in the group chat so we can look and then

01:02:21.360 we'll we'll all give ratings of i definitely won't post it up yeah send it send it in right now

01:02:26.120 all right pull it up dude let's go let's see it's already get personal i'm just i'm i'm really 0.75

01:02:39.620 curious that's what i'm going with is your sister for real 5 11 because that's fucking wild 1.00

01:02:45.320 yeah crazy dude yeah how retarded is this so so we only have one place left which is going to be 0.98

01:02:55.180 where the champion goes for two more rounds it's going to be so what i'm going to do is i'm going 0.89

01:02:58.920 to strike out the two that get knocked out of the there you go there you go boy that's problem

01:03:03.840 solving right there joe said uh toad show us your uh sisters only fans well who would win in a fight 1.00

01:03:10.960 you your sister oh she's 5 11 dude that reach you got trouble yeah i think so she has better reach 1.00

01:03:18.200 but she is a woman so you're you're close i'm stronger if i if i teach her a jab you are fucked 1.00

01:03:27.420 yeah she's like eight inches taller than you toad yeah i think we're probably in the same weight class 0.99

01:03:32.780 she's 5 11 170 what the fuck 160s probably that's still green that's actually no 11 yeah for 5 11 1.00

01:03:45.980 yeah because uh i was supposed to get my wife's weight on here maybe 1.00

01:03:49.040 not a good idea yeah my wife is like 120 and she's five feet flat yeah so 1.00

01:04:02.320 i'm trying to do the math i don't believe in the math so when me and her roll up at the next

01:04:08.680 convention you better respect the set

01:04:10.160 tyler schuler go on tower tower gang yeah we'll have him on for the finale

01:04:17.500 oh spud said she's 5 10 140 i mean so i mean that's yeah yeah but are you skinny though

01:04:23.760 what does that mean she's pretty yeah 5 10 140 yeah that's in shape so 160 would be 0.99

01:04:29.820 obese not in shape oh i'm six feet 220 this is not i'm glad i didn't say you're a man not a not a

01:04:38.160 woman it's true all right which which one of these uh matchups do you want to do i just can't i can't 0.97

01:04:43.200 focus on this shit when i'm thinking about toad's sister all right dude come on toad put it to 0.92

01:04:49.380 press just send us a picture in the chat so we can we can know toads let me let me help get you 0.99

01:04:55.160 in alignment with what we're doing next wait toad's sister is a zipper tits moon cricket 1.00

01:05:00.220 hole pan facebook 0.95

01:05:01.100 toad find the hottest picture of your sister oh my god she literally if she literally 1.00

01:05:09.320 that's the only way we can do this she literally could be if she was a blasian 0.79

01:05:14.720 uh and then she like she could be all of these things

01:05:20.580 i'll send you a picture of what she looks like in the group chat but i'm not gonna dox myself on

01:05:26.480 i would highly recommend you do not send us a picture of your sister don't do it all right

01:05:30.940 is she on your facebook because i'll just go to your facebook yeah i'm looking on his facebook

01:05:34.920 right now trying to find

01:05:36.100 oh i bet cole's sister's hot post it let's go i'm not gonna post it dude she's got that 0.99

01:05:49.760 fucking mouth like yours i'm interested i'm pretty sure cole has posted a picture of her in the tower 0.99

01:05:56.620 gang chat i am so turned on by even the concept of you having a sister well imagine cole's sister 1.00

01:06:04.900 has an ass like he used to before oh my goodness you imagine the donk on that chick imagine the pubes 1.00

01:06:12.360 on this chick the bush has had to be legendary 1.00

01:06:20.940 oh my god read has a sister too let's go all right two zipper tits versus moon cricket to give us your 1.00

01:06:33.400 vote zipper tits versus moon cricket um all right so we're starting on the left here i i have to go 0.97

01:06:39.220 with zipper tits for similar reasons to before even though i like both of these i think it's a 0.92

01:06:43.340 fairly close matchup really but zipper tits is it's very current which i like quite a bit and i think it 0.72

01:06:50.120 would be more offensive now whereas moon cricket is kind of it's a relic from the past let's say so

01:06:56.880 i like i definitely like how zipper tits is very current and i think it would be yeah definitely more 1.00

01:07:01.480 offensive to the people that it refers to and well actually the people would be offended by it are 0.99

01:07:06.880 probably all the white women who are not zipper tits now so i like offending all those bitches so 1.00

01:07:12.660 zipper tits it is i respect the logic cole oh sorry i was looking at a picture of my sister 1.00

01:07:19.480 me too actually i'm just multitasking that's not the first time you've done that cole i have my dick 0.97

01:07:25.160 out right now too i'm doing a lot of things at once i just i just sent a picture of my sister 0.99

01:07:29.800 oh my god it's cole as a woman holy shit no it isn't but like which one which one's your sister 0.96

01:07:39.140 i just i just opened up the chat on twitter and i saw the picture of fucking rachel dolezal first 1.00

01:07:45.980 yeah i was like cool wrong chat single chat okay i don't know my sister is not the one on the right 0.56

01:07:51.560 it's definitely the one on the left it's the one on the right no it's the one on the right

01:07:55.080 are you serious swear to god who's the one on the left it was her best friend this is this is

01:08:01.420 great content by the way this is excellent content here yeah sorry i'm not showing my sister on the 0.81

01:08:08.780 show though dude no neither am i uh zipper tits or moon cricket uh moon cricket because it's my 0.96

01:08:15.460 that is my one that is my like from the beginning this has been my baby cole's a southern racist so it 0.97

01:08:21.200 makes sense yeah and like he's a slave owner yeah i owned rachel dolezal yeah he's the one that caught

01:08:27.400 the aaron judge home run actually yes that's what he did but uh i i just i just love moon cricket i

01:08:34.560 love i love the thought of just uh and i feel like it's gone down i feel like it's gone down and i want

01:08:40.540 to bring it back i want to like even though zipper tits is like a starter this is like uh this is like 1.00

01:08:45.960 bringing back an old word like a kind of like a a retro kind of one so that's why i like moon cricket

01:08:51.700 but zipper tits is great and i'm you're gonna be using it uh a lot but moon cricket 1.00

01:08:56.300 i'm gonna be using it a lot we're definitely using it similar logic for me but uh really at its core

01:09:04.520 this is just about respect for black people if you have a slur tournament and you don't have

01:09:10.580 a black slur in the final two it just feels disrespectful so out of respect for black 0.99

01:09:16.300 people and honestly let's be honest the zipper tits have suffered enough they've been psyoped 1.00

01:09:20.520 into fucking mutilating themselves i can't yeah they they they destroyed themselves no but no but 0.98

01:09:25.620 it's about offending all the other people that buy it i understand why you're doing it but i'm just 0.97

01:09:30.900 saying like it there's something about it that hurts me more and i don't like that feeling so

01:09:36.340 out of respect for the out of respect for the nba i'm going moon cricket tyler's looking

01:09:43.340 cold sister too all right all right two to one moon by the way did we ever discuss jive turkey

01:09:48.720 did that ever come up no that's not in here we missed we missed jive turkey is another good one i

01:09:54.320 mean i've got i would have chosen jive turkey i've got i had it's a slur for white people is it not

01:09:58.480 i don't know what it is yeah i always always thought it was a slur for because no i think it's

01:10:03.100 what black people call white people i thought is that was a great uh you know you're that was

01:10:08.000 that would be i think it just meant like clown i don't think it was a racial connotation they 0.69

01:10:11.240 just used it with whoever was being a clown well i just remember it from the uh semi-pro from

01:10:18.540 semi-pro i just want to i just want to talk i just want to talk like a black dude from like what was 0.97

01:10:25.920 that that uh that scene in the 70s it was like the black exploitation or some shit like i just want 0.83

01:10:30.820 to talk like one of those guys like i just want to black exploitation is awesome content like i 0.96

01:10:35.180 just want to be a pimp and say like i want to i want to get like a like a waitering job and then

01:10:40.860 just use like 70s slurs with my customers casually until i get fired because i don't need the jobs

01:10:47.840 you could just get jobs i think about it all the time and then just do whatever you want it doesn't

01:10:57.560 matter like i know you just go in and get a paycheck i'm not even gonna lie to you i interview 0.89

01:11:02.080 brilliantly i have never interviewed for a job i didn't get so i will fucking absolutely get whatever 0.89

01:11:07.760 job i want and then i will just fucking i'll show up whenever i want oh yeah just and then just get 0.99

01:11:11.860 fired and then just go don't you don't have to put it on your resume just go to the next one 0.99

01:11:15.500 exactly this also applies to getting women oh my god this is the greatest idea moon cricket or

01:11:21.540 i'm sorry i'm still stuck on drive jive turkey but i would say on cole's sister

01:11:27.840 as i do like uh zipper tits i would say moon cricket because it it brings me back to like 1.00

01:11:36.580 like cole was saying it brings me back to this time i think of pinocchio i think of like jiminy

01:11:41.480 cricket and i think it's jiminy cricket black and i think then i think was disney racist and of

01:11:47.800 course he was oh absolutely i'd be done seeing just about everything there's no white guy named

01:11:55.940 jiminy in dumbo is named jim crow did you see the first uh did you see the first uh cut of pinocchio

01:12:05.940 where his name was nigger jiminy for that reason for real moon crickets yeah and also like i said 0.98

01:12:16.280 last week it insults like three or four generations of black people that don't even know each other 0.55

01:12:21.660 this is amazing it's just an amazing word it needs to be it needs to be brought back wow and listen so

01:12:29.780 that means that doesn't mean moon cricket moves on regardless of what reed thinks

01:12:33.020 zippertits is a hard out but reed still needs to give his vote anyway though because this is democracy

01:12:38.460 man every vote i gotta run so uh i'm gonna say zippertits was gonna be my choice and then on the

01:12:44.980 other side hole is the obvious hole hole might be unanimous by the way i mean that's just such an

01:12:50.360 obvious choice all right all right reed are you about to be out of here go ahead and plug yeah um

01:12:56.620 and plug i don't really have anything to plug so thanks naturalist capitalist if you don't have

01:13:01.820 anything to plug what do you have to do what do you i gotta unplug something if you know what i mean 1.00

01:13:07.820 court your ass he's literally leaving the show to jerk off this is yeah yeah to jerk off to cole's 1.00

01:13:13.800 sister actually it's like mission accomplished i've been waiting how many episodes i i negged you 1.00

01:13:20.860 into sending me a picture of your sister you idiot reed before you leave i just want to say 0.99

01:13:26.000 your sister would i would let me see she'd probably beat you up but the funniest part is 1.00

01:13:33.680 reed sent a picture of himself and his sister and then he put sis on the left

01:13:38.620 i just i just want to run through the entire coverdale when we both have a mustache it's hard

01:13:46.960 to tell who's who wait reed has multiple sisters i thought right i do yeah all right guys see you

01:13:53.500 later hey man all right is this is this the gay sister or the straight one that's a good question 0.97

01:13:59.260 does she look gay i i haven't i haven't looked at the signal chat yet depends i if i've met if she 0.98

01:14:04.120 hasn't met me she's not straight yet just this fucking comet is so i mean you know like how much 0.99

01:14:10.500 is she trying to lead the witness there she's like no jesus read man man zipper tits is gone man 1.00

01:14:18.580 that was a hard out put it in the bracket already one of the brackets i struck it out i mean that's 0.99

01:14:26.340 that's how we're doing it because because you fucked up the brackets you can barely tell that you 0.95

01:14:31.840 it doesn't matter all right uh let's start from bottom up because we did top down before so 0.88

01:14:36.940 hole versus pen facebook pen oh yeah uh this is the obvious one hole just to represent for my boy

01:14:43.500 uh jose gala son rest in peace he's dead in tornado right now

01:14:46.980 is that normal that there's tornadoes during hurricanes because i didn't know that

01:14:52.920 i guess in central florida like for me they're way more worried about tornadoes than uh i'm not 0.94

01:14:58.960 going to get any water so yeah i saw that there was like a fucking tornado funnel in fort lauderdale 0.94

01:15:04.920 which is not far from me and i was like what yeah yeah i don't know what the fuck's going on this is 0.96

01:15:09.880 my first like real hurricane what's gonna happen to your chickens too could they be totally could 0.96

01:15:15.540 they be good like gone no i don't know they're in the they're in the coop right now so i think

01:15:21.020 they'll be all right i'm more concerned because i had to consolidate my meat chickens and the layers

01:15:25.360 like the the laying birds and uh the laying birds are kind of mean yeah they like could have some

01:15:31.000 bird on bird crime i put i put the meat birds in there and the first thing they did was just

01:15:35.680 start attacking them and i closed the door and walked away i was like i don't know yeah because

01:15:40.640 you say like half your meat birds got killed right they got killed by a fox yeah and i have so i had

01:15:45.440 them in a in a different like it was like an outdoor pen i don't know if you guys seen it when

01:15:49.000 you were here uh but i had like a big i have like a big structure like a house and that's where i keep

01:15:54.680 the laying birds and i'm like it's probably better if there's like a tornado blowing around to keep

01:15:58.860 them in here but it's i don't know i have no idea what i'm gonna come and see tomorrow we'll see

01:16:03.060 hey you might have some meat in there ready to eat yeah i'm gonna go whole uh once again out of

01:16:09.840 respect for jose and also because the use of that word got me doxed and that's just too funny not to

01:16:15.960 move on hey hey i'm honestly it's unanimous it's gonna be unanimous hole for me too panface goop by the

01:16:21.260 way i didn't think it should go on as far as it did i actually voted for fudge packer from the

01:16:25.680 beginning so no i didn't think it should have either and i thought the glow nigger should have 0.99

01:16:28.980 won uh the i i listened to you i listened to your rationale on that week yeah with uh tyler janky

01:16:35.340 and uh and uh garbage main and you made some good arguments as to why panface goop should move on 0.98

01:16:41.060 but it meets its end here because and and whole i mean uh no no respect to jose uh fuck him 0.97

01:16:48.040 uh it's just it's just he's dead now so it doesn't matter i just think anytime you have 0.98

01:16:53.340 such a great descriptor within a slur it's fucking brilliant yeah it's fucking face so like it's 0.91

01:16:59.100 already giving you a comedic effect in your brain just hearing panface i thought you meant whole 0.98

01:17:04.840 whole is like such a concise description i mean yeah there's nothing more precise than whole but i'm

01:17:11.360 just saying panfaced is fucking legendary so respect yeah i actually thought that uh because jose 0.84

01:17:17.340 brought this up uh you mentioned the fact that noodle nigger did not make the bracket i'm pretty 1.00

01:17:21.640 sure i brought that up when we filled out the bracket and it didn't make it into the bracket

01:17:25.160 i think it was out of i think it was because you couldn't have so many that were similar and like

01:17:30.080 pan-faced but pan-faced goop is explicitly vietnamese right whereas uh it's korean it's korean

01:17:37.120 i'm not gonna just i'm not gonna differentiate between the different agents

01:17:41.600 no no the kooks are vietnamese hey i call them all chinamen all right it's just it's just easy 1.00

01:17:47.060 that was john kane's uh slur you know chinamen there's like there's like 30 or 40 different

01:17:54.620 countries with asian people i am not differentiating between all those yeah well that's why 1.00

01:17:58.300 yeah i only differentiate between like the dark-skinned asian people like filipinos like i

01:18:04.600 maybe like a little yeah that's fair you're right absolutely mongolian mongolian is another

01:18:09.540 plus manny pacquiao out of respect like his his race now gets its own category well the rest of 0.92

01:18:14.740 you asians you're gonna have to have a fucking world-class boxer before i actually care about 1.00

01:18:18.360 you well filipinos are kind of like a mix of like spanish and asian right it is pure imperialist 1.00

01:18:25.520 force that made them well isn't that it was like just a rape party from the spaniards yeah 1.00

01:18:31.640 yes spain also raped mexico and now that's how we got mexicans too i mean i feel like probably all 0.98

01:18:38.020 of the actual like was mexico like native americans and then all the spaniards came through and they 0.97

01:18:43.800 made all indian it was the aztecs in the mines that's so wild you know that's how the philippines 1.00

01:18:50.720 got its name though right because king philip was the king of spain at the time they they conquered 0.78

01:18:56.440 it so they're like we're gonna name this country after uh our king's penis so that's how it got 0.96

01:19:02.500 named you lost me on that what why who was the was it like giuseppe america or some shit who was 0.99

01:19:10.860 the america where'd the america come from oh america vespucci americo vespucci giuseppe

01:19:15.360 i knew it was italian why why did his why did he get the he was uh he was a map maker and i think

01:19:25.200 he was the first map that ever had showed america oh he was a map he was a he was a map don't get ace

01:19:33.860 upset again much like uh thaddeus russell just making maps all over the place

01:19:38.200 y'all y'all by the way y'all are wrong for that i don't know why you keep going hard at him for 0.97

01:19:45.040 that shit that's wild you're not with the autism no we're not wrong i'm not wrong we're not wrong i 0.98

01:19:50.060 stand by that i'm not wrong i'm not saying that you're wrong and you're wrong in the sense that 1.00

01:19:54.360 like that is such a harsh thing to put on somebody but you guys are just doing it a little willy

01:19:58.720 nilly you're like i look back well i look back at what i said and it got increasingly worse after he 0.99

01:20:03.560 like responded like an asshole what i originally said was um shit what exactly did i say i said that 0.99

01:20:10.900 he he defends pedos no i which is true i didn't say he defends pedophilia i said i said something to 1.00

01:20:17.320 the guy like uh like whether he's rationalizing uh corporate fascism which in my opinion he was

01:20:24.460 i agree he is or if you're going to obviously that one i agree with him on because i debated him about

01:20:28.920 it or if you're going to rationalize pedophilia and then that's that's what i haven't seen that's

01:20:34.560 what i haven't seen you guys prove out where i mean just because he said that like not everybody

01:20:40.120 who's doing drag shows is a predator that to me seems like a reasonable thing he's running cover for 0.94

01:20:46.940 pedophiles yeah it's not really that he said that it's like listen i've just been paying attention

01:20:51.720 briefly to what he says and i have not been impressed and i just i don't i don't i've only

01:20:56.220 taken a quick glance at what he says yeah i've seen enough yeah no i mean listen you could draw

01:21:04.440 your logical conclusion he did not immediately say to woodchipper every trans person and to me

01:21:09.880 that's pedophilia if you're gonna make any kind of excuses around this like like you'll see like a

01:21:15.740 blatant video of a kid getting grinded on he's like well actually let's look back at it i have 0.98

01:21:19.460 no interest in what you're gonna say what and what you have been saying and he did the same shit with 0.99

01:21:23.700 like corporations and the government with their vaccine mandate and all this shit i've just got 0.98

01:21:27.780 no interest anymore i'm glad i burned that bridge that rainbow bridge is gone thank god i just i i've 0.91

01:21:34.380 had him muted for months i've had him muted for months and finally i'm just like you know what

01:21:38.300 i'm done i'm and and it feels good it feels good and any anyone who's watching this if you see this 0.99

01:21:44.060 shit and you still like ace unfollow me or block me fuck you as a matter of fact drop your drop your 1.00

01:21:49.380 name in the comments so i can block you first yeah i'm just top top will burn that bridge with all of 1.00

01:21:54.460 you someday if you bought a t-shirt i'll refund you i am done jesus christ no one knows how to burn a 1.00

01:22:04.100 bridge like top i uh yeah i don't really give a fuck about any of it i like fuck your bridge my my 0.99

01:22:10.400 thesis is if you're done with somebody's rhetoric just block them i just like i don't understand the 0.97

01:22:16.640 the over bridge burning but that's just different style different i don't know why i did that i i i

01:22:22.800 i had him muted for the longest time and i was just ignoring him but it was like it kept coming

01:22:28.040 different strokes for different minor detracted folks okay

01:22:30.700 that was clever oh my god uh i'm going with hole

01:22:42.700 speaking of holes speaking of ace who's uh been showing his constantly and let's

01:22:50.580 we're going with hole here which i think is maybe unanimous hold on guys we've got breaking news

01:22:56.540 toad dropped his sister in the chat i repeat oh i did yeah in the signal chat yeah why does she

01:23:03.240 have a harp she plays harp of course she does you all made music together didn't you it's because

01:23:11.940 she's an angel top okay i don't i honestly i don't feel like uh like ragged on your sister

01:23:21.200 no no i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i was gonna say she looks like

01:23:26.040 sid from uh but i'm not gonna say it no no no no sid sid the sloth

01:23:33.000 i'm not gonna rag on your sister but i am definitely gonna rag on you listen guys be 0.79

01:23:40.760 nice because when toad kills himself we're probably gonna have to use his sister 0.99

01:23:43.780 yeah yeah she'll she'll come on the show here she'll be i've never been more glad to not have

01:23:51.780 a sister than i am tournaments um dude you don't know how much i got like uh the my friends in high 0.83

01:23:58.520 school would all be like cole we're gonna fucking bang your sister and i was like oh it was terrible 1.00

01:24:06.220 which top you have a sister too don't you no i'm an only child dude dude we definitely would do 0.99

01:24:12.300 that do we we we had a bounty on this one guy's sister and it's like if if anybody wound up fucking 0.95

01:24:18.680 this guy's sister we were gonna pay him like some amount of money that we all oh was she was it was 1.00

01:24:23.400 she just uh i mean just a troll no she was hot oh i thought oh to me bounty would be like you like 0.76

01:24:29.800 pay somebody out because like she's no it was it was like who is the first person gonna be who

01:24:35.360 actually who can get the prize that's how you know your friends do not respect you if they are 0.99

01:24:43.440 actually if they are actually trying to bang your sister and they're putting together a fucking 0.97

01:24:47.240 prize pool like a pony pool that's right they they do not fear you at nearly enough 0.97

01:24:53.420 that's true that's so fucking funny okay guys in the chat yeah i see what they're saying i don't 0.95

01:25:00.680 think ace is a pedophile either i just think he's gay no i didn't say he was either yeah for not 0.92

01:25:05.540 defend not even defending them for even rationalizing for even bringing up this argument this whole thing 1.00

01:25:10.200 is blatantly stupid on its face i don't why would you die on this hill of defending men who are gyrating 0.97

01:25:17.800 in front of children it just makes no sense you're gonna die on all right yeah i i haven't followed 1.00

01:25:24.320 the the threads you guys i i no i can't i don't really know the argumentation and i'm just gonna

01:25:29.640 move on it's retarded it's completely retarded well the other part the other part of it is he did 0.92

01:25:34.560 also make the argument that if you prosecute pedophilia like as its own thing that that's prosecuting a

01:25:42.460 thought crime and i'm like all right so you you don't want to uh do i'm literally getting bored

01:25:46.940 like i was like yeah i would rather watch paint dry yeah exactly honestly it's part of why i was

01:25:52.960 so hostile because i'm like i'm not reading all the and then people in the comments were like oh 0.94

01:25:56.920 yeah show me where where where he brought this up and i'm like there's no there's no fucking way 0.86

01:26:00.840 go through all the words of his quote tweets and you'll probably see it i love that but it would

01:26:08.860 take a hundred hours i do i actually agree with him though i i know we don't want to get into this

01:26:13.500 argument but i agree with him on on the fact that like if it's if it's something that you're

01:26:17.660 not acting on you can't criminalize that that would be insane i just love that top just is like 0.96

01:26:21.920 he got into an argument and was like i don't care what you said i'll literally just punch you in the

01:26:26.800 face like he just he literally just goes to like i don't i'm not gonna argue with you i don't think 1.00

01:26:31.880 i even have the argument to win i'll just fucking fuck you up dude it is it is absolute chad 0.99

01:26:36.520 argumentation i did not say that oh i know but i'm just saying it's the it's the same vibe it's 0.99

01:26:42.240 the same energy it is the energy for sure it's the same like well yeah but i don't care like you're 0.89

01:26:46.460 like well here's my argument what's your i don't give a fuck i think you're wrong 0.98

01:26:50.100 yes that was my argument i'm not wasting my time on here quote tweeting back and forth 0.99

01:26:56.200 fuck you i know what i think and that's that fair enough it's like chops like i will go back to 0.99

01:27:03.380 my wife children and animals in my life and yeah i have chickens to murder what's uh what's the vote 1.00

01:27:10.260 count on uh on this uh unanimous hole hole is a unanimous hole all right five five oh five oh

01:27:16.500 because uh yeah and and i'm pretty sure jose would vote hole as well oh well did he originate hole or

01:27:23.120 did he not no he said he says he got he heard it from someone else opie and anthony it's every 0.85

01:27:28.380 fucking episode we've talked about i'm pretty sure he came up with the control aspect of it 0.82

01:27:33.360 though yes control your the rhyming you know yeah it's just you know who probably has a real 0.98

01:27:39.180 hot sister uh tyler yankee right yeah she was a girl yeah she rides bikes i'm interested i think

01:27:47.640 there i think someone already did like a face swap for tyler as a girl i think this it's somewhere

01:27:52.320 out there i don't even need him to be a girl i'm still interested close enough as it is tyler

01:27:59.120 definitely has the tightest butthole out of anybody i mean that thing is i mean just no

01:28:04.740 do you think it loosens from all the cycling i'm not sure that thing is just noise

01:28:10.360 oh yeah yeah well that's what i'm saying it's it's really tight but it can also be loose it's

01:28:15.940 just he has that muscle control of his but it can be tight it can be loose but i promise you this 0.96

01:28:20.440 it's noise it's noise tyler is your sister hot yes or no don't say wow yes or no it would suck 0.95

01:28:27.240 no because if you uh if you do happen to have a loose butthole because you're like taking it in 1.00

01:28:34.040 the ass too much or whatever then that means that you have no ability to control your hole so that 0.99

01:28:38.160 would suck that would true yeah i'm clint from liberty lockdown you can follow me 1.00

01:28:43.440 tyler said yes two hot sisters so oh oh both at the same time tyler drop them in the rest in peace 0.99

01:28:51.180 to your family break that whole shit up uh all right and i had on chris martinson which was a 0.98

01:28:57.000 great episode today uh very very interesting i hope you guys check that out and then i have 0.99

01:29:00.420 dr joseph ladapo the uh surgeon general of florida under desantis that'll be a black guy yeah yeah

01:29:09.060 that's on monday dude so you have i'm not watching it then anybody else of note that i had alex jones

01:29:16.900 scheduled for monday and i uh unfortunately he had a i don't know if i should disclose the reasoning so

01:29:23.120 i'll just say he had to postpone again it is going to happen hang in there folks it's it's it's due to

01:29:29.280 gain us from honestly it is this is just edging that's by this time it's just by the time it actually

01:29:35.600 does get up to it it's going to be a great just either that or i'm gonna i'm gonna pre-come and

01:29:40.860 it's gonna be totally ruined i don't know just alex jones blue balls here yeah it's really it is 0.85

01:29:47.580 hurting my soul i'm not gonna lie so but it's gonna happen it is gonna fucking happen i will make it 0.97

01:29:52.340 happen 0.99

01:29:52.600 top all right you got uh top lobster top lobster.com check out that fucking esg liberty lockdown shirt 0.96

01:30:03.180 he's rocking right now yeah where's mine top it's got a ship let's get that going oh i don't know 0.99

01:30:09.300 i gotta call the people in london uh yeah go to top lobster.com london fuck buy some shit uh go to 0.98

01:30:15.140 podcastmerch.com buy some uh some cool merch legion of skanks uh you're welcome michael malis part of 0.98

01:30:21.140 whatever you need any skank fest shirts in yet i was gonna say are those dope designs available yet

01:30:25.520 uh well they they're we're gonna we're still screening them so they'll be available at skank fest

01:30:31.040 first and then i think we'll make them available but all of them are approved which is pretty dope

01:30:36.860 and i made some other shit and i'll probably i'm probably gonna be making some stuff for a couple 0.80

01:30:41.740 other podcasts soon so go just go check that out nice that was yeah yeah cool note for p that's about

01:30:47.700 it and then uh yeah just follow me on there i don't really do anything else besides the show

01:30:52.840 because i mean my wife would kill me if i did i actually don't really do anything else i'm just

01:30:56.460 a father yeah i'm just not yet i'm being there no no you're already a father man that is a human

01:31:01.860 life that's just it is a human life now the only thing is though i did uh i'm probably going i don't

01:31:07.640 know if this is being announced yet toad's gonna be a part of it guys i gotta run i'm sorry

01:31:11.580 all right all right guys out man top lobster.com um me and toad and then some other people may

01:31:18.500 be in the future at some point doing a uh dnd a live dnd uh like every week or every couple weeks

01:31:26.960 that's definitely i i i heard definitely what i expected you i was i was asked i was asked to do

01:31:33.380 it i asked who was on it and they said toad was on it too so that's um dnd is when you uh combine 0.82

01:31:40.480 two of your dicks together right that's what it's called docking yeah yeah that's dicking and docking 1.00

01:31:46.180 two and two and a half d's is what's gonna be called who else are you doing it with uh it's 0.98

01:31:55.140 supposed to be david brady was going to put it together with um and not at all surprised by that

01:31:59.640 all right oh there's another person in there oh uh rothbirdian i think was also good also not

01:32:05.720 surprised there this makes this is the most logical progression lorenzo who's in our chat i think

01:32:11.260 all right now i'm surprised i can't believe a minority is going to do this incredible 0.99

01:32:15.080 really oh yeah lorenzo's definitely white oh really yeah you met him clinton uh florida right

01:32:21.840 probably yes he did he's the guy at yowl that said uh tower power hour got him to oh yeah i did

01:32:27.840 meet him then that's yeah that's right yeah yeah he's italian he ain't white all right so yeah i'm

01:32:33.700 also italian so therefore not white uh tph toad obviously tower power hour next week we are going

01:32:40.040 to decide the finale of the slurs bracket which is between moon cricket and hole so let's go may or

01:32:46.800 may not be on it we'll see if i decide to get involved and actually message him to actually

01:32:51.540 black people versus white women basically let's go next week control your all thank you guys for 0.98

01:32:58.820 tuning in make sure you like comment and subscribe on somewhere other than youtube because we want to

01:33:03.600 delete this episode because top decided to threaten the president's life via who did he say he wanted

01:33:10.080 uh oh he said if he caught the baseball aaron judge aaron judge he's now threatened the president

01:33:16.020 united states no aaron judge uh aaron judge uh did the action and that's that's what it is man

01:33:22.400 aaron judges lee harvey oswald see you boys we out love y'all

01:33:28.600 you

01:33:32.980 you

01:33:37.720 you

01:33:38.340 you

01:33:38.480 you

01:33:39.480 you

01:33:43.020 you

01:33:43.220 you

01:33:44.260 you

01:33:45.100 you

01:33:46.620 know

01:33:46.780 you

Tower Gang - September 30, 2022

Ep 90 - The Dick Root

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Transcript