Tower Gang - Ep 96 - Part of the Plasma w⧸ Mark RanDoM

00:00:00.000 Hey, so what did you want to talk about?

00:00:01.880 Well, I want to tell you about Wagovi. 0.74

00:00:04.560 Wagovi?

00:00:05.300 Yeah, Wagovi. 0.96

00:00:06.500 What about it?

00:00:07.160 On second thought, I might not be the right person to tell you.

00:00:10.360 Oh, you're not?

00:00:11.140 No, just ask your doctor.

00:00:13.400 About Wagovi?

00:00:14.860 Yeah, ask for it by name.

00:00:16.500 Okay, so why did you bring me to this circus?

00:00:19.840 Oh, I'm really into lion tamers.

00:00:21.940 You know, with the chair and everything.

00:00:24.420 Ask your doctor for Wagovi by name. 0.70

00:00:26.520 Visit wagovi.ca for savings.

00:00:28.860 Exclusions may apply. 1.00

00:00:30.000 Hey, faggot. 1.00

00:00:30.600 I fucking hate you, Toad. 1.00

00:00:33.560 Oh, shut up. 1.00

00:00:35.440 Oh, it's Wavy Watt. 1.00

00:00:36.420 Yo, you didn't hit the audio, you piece of shit. 1.00

00:00:39.840 What was the Ryan Gosling one? 1.00

00:00:41.240 Fuck, here's the fucking stupid Toad. 1.00

00:00:43.420 Damn it. 1.00

00:00:44.500 Oh, fucking damn it. 1.00

00:00:46.860 You're so fucking retarded. 1.00

00:00:48.400 Welcome to Toad. 1.00

00:00:49.100 You know how many times I'm fucking done this? 0.95

00:00:51.900 This is as good a time as any to introduce our new co-host, Mark Random. 0.99

00:00:56.000 Toad is off the fucking show. 0.97

00:00:57.400 What was the Ryan Gosling one? 0.99

00:01:00.900 I was watching it before we just started recording.

00:01:03.440 The Ryan Gosling?

00:01:04.760 Was that an extra one?

00:01:06.000 Oh, man.

00:01:07.000 Oh, man.

00:01:09.000 But if you watch it, I don't know.

00:01:10.700 We probably shouldn't just watch it again.

00:01:12.500 It was really long.

00:01:13.480 It was actually a documentary before we became famous.

00:01:18.620 Is it really?

00:01:20.080 No.

00:01:21.300 Did you watch it, Mark?

00:01:22.680 Did you see the whole thing?

00:01:23.400 Yeah, I watched the whole thing because I could.

00:01:25.200 I was like, there's no way he's still in Hollywood after this.

00:01:28.140 Or I thought someone doing a voiceover of like, it's a Ryan Gosling love movie that someone's

00:01:34.220 making about him.

00:01:34.580 No, no, it is. 0.95

00:01:35.720 I'm pretty sure it is a movie of him as a white supremacist. 0.70

00:01:38.340 Yeah, it is. 0.71

00:01:39.000 Of course it is.

00:01:40.260 Dude, I thought.

00:01:40.920 It's basically that one movie.

00:01:42.740 But the audio was too good.

00:01:44.040 That's what I'm.

00:01:44.380 The dialogue was too good.

00:01:45.940 I was like, there's no way this was.

00:01:47.100 The argument was too good.

00:01:47.520 That's what I'm saying.

00:01:48.340 Like, they're Jews. 1.00

00:01:49.520 They pull out the thread and they wait till nothing is left.

00:01:52.380 Like, I was like, there's no way someone in Hollywood did that.

00:01:55.080 Someone had to do an overdub.

00:01:56.860 Like, it's like me overdubbing a Ryan Gosling movie.

00:01:59.360 I'm not going to lie, though.

00:02:01.040 It's wild that was something that was produced and released that they actually put out that

00:02:05.340 speech.

00:02:05.620 So it's real.

00:02:07.040 It's real.

00:02:08.260 That's what I'm saying.

00:02:08.940 It's real.

00:02:09.420 Yeah.

00:02:09.800 It was the easiest thing to write.

00:02:11.500 They were just like, all right, what do we do?

00:02:13.580 All right.

00:02:13.800 It's literally just me like.

00:02:14.900 Just say your true feelings on Jews.

00:02:16.400 I feel like any of us just writing down what we do day to day.

00:02:18.080 It's just like, write it down what you do day to day.

00:02:19.900 Up until 2010, they made movies like this constantly.

00:02:22.920 Like, every year there'd be one.

00:02:24.240 That one was pretty wild, though.

00:02:26.100 That was like a full-on, borderline, pretty convincing argument.

00:02:31.360 You're like, ah.

00:02:33.620 It was so wild, I didn't believe it was real.

00:02:36.200 I was like, oh, the Tower Power Hour just playing someone audio dubbing a Ryan Gosling

00:02:40.740 bullet.

00:02:41.120 That's really what I thought happened.

00:02:41.940 We're not that skilled. 0.99

00:02:44.240 Look at our fucking production quality. 1.00

00:02:46.180 Toad, can you play the fucking song? 1.00

00:02:47.440 Can we actually play the video? 1.00

00:02:48.740 Because it's really fucking funny.

00:02:49.700 I sent it to a group chat we were in, and Jose was like, we have to play that. 0.91

00:02:54.760 The music video, right?

00:02:55.800 He really loved it, and it was just a thing.

00:02:58.420 It was just like, how hard it is inside.

00:03:00.340 I just love how Toad is like, the music video, the one I just tried to play that we all agreed 0.97

00:03:04.120 on and that I fucked up. 0.99

00:03:05.120 Are we talking about something else, though? 0.96

00:03:06.660 Let me tell you.

00:03:07.960 Okay, so I have ways of.

00:03:09.020 No, don't tell us.

00:03:09.700 Just play it.

00:03:10.400 I have ways of downloading these videos, and this particular one downloaded with no audio.

00:03:14.400 So that's the problem.

00:03:15.020 Why are you downloading all of you?

00:03:16.660 Yeah.

00:03:20.280 What?

00:03:21.140 Where'd he met?

00:03:21.860 Praise God every day. 1.00

00:03:23.720 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:03:25.020 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:03:26.320 What? 1.00

00:03:26.580 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:03:27.620 Please? 0.99

00:03:28.040 Stop. 0.99

00:03:29.120 Stop jerking off. 0.99

00:03:30.400 Yeah. 1.00

00:03:30.780 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:03:31.860 What? 1.00

00:03:32.080 Stop jerking off. 0.99

00:03:33.160 Please. 1.00

00:03:33.540 Stop jerking off. 0.99

00:03:34.640 Huh? 1.00

00:03:34.860 What you doing, man?

00:03:35.620 What you doing?

00:03:36.260 Make the word of God. 0.99

00:03:37.320 Put your hand on that Bible and stop jerking off. 1.00

00:03:40.180 Take your hand out your pants. 1.00

00:03:41.700 That's a sin.

00:03:42.300 That's a sin.

00:03:42.780 This is not no game.

00:03:43.820 You can't let the devil win.

00:03:45.040 Don't do it.

00:03:45.500 If you don't like the God, let the Holy Spirit in.

00:03:47.740 If you don't, then this cycle ain't gonna never end.

00:03:50.400 I thought you knew.

00:03:51.300 Huh?

00:03:51.980 What?

00:03:52.340 Jesus Christ.

00:03:52.760 Can't you see what you do?

00:03:54.920 Jesus, not for me and for you.

00:03:57.820 Every word he spoke is the truth.

00:03:59.600 Don't believe me.

00:04:00.220 Read the Bible.

00:04:00.940 That's the old and the new.

00:04:02.300 1 Corinthians 6.

00:04:03.680 18.

00:04:04.320 What is it?

00:04:04.700 Stay away from sexual immorality.

00:04:06.960 That's right.

00:04:07.420 Matthew 5.

00:04:08.100 28.

00:04:08.840 That's adultery.

00:04:09.980 Follow Jesus Christ and you will be set free.

00:04:12.780 Follow Jesus Christ is the only way.

00:04:15.000 Pick up a Bible, pray to God, and put the part away.

00:04:17.740 And we'll set you free. 0.99

00:04:18.720 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:04:20.000 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:04:21.320 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:04:22.720 Stop. 1.00

00:04:23.520 What? 1.00

00:04:24.080 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:04:25.240 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:25.640 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:04:26.640 What? 1.00

00:04:26.940 Stop jerking off. 0.99

00:04:27.980 Please. 1.00

00:04:28.400 Stop jerking off. 0.99

00:04:29.500 Huh? 1.00

00:04:29.740 What you doing, man?

00:04:30.460 What you doing?

00:04:31.100 With the word of God. 0.99

00:04:31.900 With the Bible, put your hand on that Bible and stop jerking off. 0.99

00:04:35.480 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:04:37.060 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:37.720 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:04:39.040 What? 1.00

00:04:39.340 Stop jerking off. 0.99

00:04:40.680 Please. 1.00

00:04:41.480 Stop jerking off. 1.00

00:04:42.980 What you doing, man? 1.00

00:04:44.300 What you doing?

00:04:44.980 With the word of God. 1.00

00:04:45.940 Put your hand on that Bible and stop jerking off. 0.99

00:04:50.000 Welcome, everybody, to another live stream edition of Tower Power Hour. 0.99

00:04:55.580 This is Tony Russell, the host of Liberty Lockdown. 0.84

00:04:57.540 We got tablobs to the fucking number one merch man in all the lands. 0.94

00:05:01.100 We got Cole, a.k.a. 0.98

00:05:02.120 Nota4P, on Twitter.

00:05:03.520 He will be verified at some point. 1.00

00:05:05.040 I shouldn't even be talking to you right now, you fucking disgusting plebs. 1.00

00:05:08.260 We got Mark Random, the fucking craziest man that's ever walked the earth, but also 1.00

00:05:12.180 the funniest. 0.99

00:05:12.700 We got Toad, a.k.a.

00:05:13.660 TPH underscore Toad. 1.00

00:05:14.580 Make sure you follow his pleb, pathetic, disgusting, despicable. 1.00

00:05:18.880 Like, I don't even want to speak his name anymore. 0.99

00:05:21.100 Jose Galesan, the host of No Way Jose Podcast.

00:05:23.180 He is also unverified because he's in a poor.

00:05:26.420 Thank you for joining us.

00:05:27.580 I'll pay for it.

00:05:28.080 I'll be the next one behind you guys.

00:05:30.180 As soon as I get my old accounts back.

00:05:32.280 What does it do?

00:05:33.520 What does it do other than just be?

00:05:35.660 What does it do other than just be?

00:05:37.000 It makes us better than you.

00:05:39.320 Like, did you tell?

00:05:41.140 I mean, it's primarily our superiority, and it's not based off our skin tone, but the

00:05:45.260 color of our check mark, so it's not racist.

00:05:47.600 Well, I always have mine on dark mode, so I've been seeing white checks for the last

00:05:51.980 two years, so when people are saying blue checks.

00:05:55.980 Yeah, I use dark mode as well, and that's the cool thing, is it did just make everybody. 0.98

00:06:00.960 It's not even a shit, because it's not like white checks are. 0.91

00:06:04.280 Hey, so what did you want to talk about? 0.98

00:06:07.440 Well, I want to tell you about Wagovi. 0.74

00:06:10.160 Wagovi?

00:06:10.840 Yeah, Wagovi. 0.96

00:06:12.040 What about it?

00:06:12.700 On second thought, I might not be the right person to tell you.

00:06:15.900 Oh, you're not?

00:06:16.700 No, just ask your doctor.

00:06:18.940 About Wagovi?

00:06:20.420 Yeah, ask for it by name.

00:06:22.060 Okay, so why did you bring me to this circus?

00:06:25.400 Oh, I'm really into lion tamers.

00:06:27.760 You know, with the chair and everything.

00:06:29.900 Ask your doctor for Wagovi by name. 0.70

00:06:31.920 Visit wagovi.ca for savings.

00:06:34.420 Exclusions may apply.

00:06:35.980 It's not like white checks are actual verified people, and the blue checks are now the Twitter 0.51

00:06:40.560 blue people.

00:06:41.340 They're the same check marks, correct?

00:06:43.420 Yes, but I thought whites and blues were different check marks.

00:06:47.660 I really thought that too.

00:06:49.240 That actually would be the great way to do it, if he was to do it.

00:06:52.820 It's just, but whatever.

00:06:54.700 I want to talk about stop starting off, because...

00:06:56.840 I use light mode because I can't stand looking at a black screen all day.

00:06:59.760 Oh, I thought you were going to say something else for a second there. 0.96

00:07:04.460 No, but that stop jerking off, maybe it was... 1.00

00:07:06.500 I was laughing so fucking hard in that, just because, one, it's a fucking banger. 1.00

00:07:10.860 Yeah, it's so fucking hard. 0.98

00:07:13.400 Wavy Matt is the guy's name, by the way. 0.57

00:07:15.260 Did anyone else check off there again?

00:07:16.460 Wavy Matt, that's a great song.

00:07:18.040 We don't like...

00:07:18.680 We're definitely going to get destroyed off YouTube, because we just played his whole

00:07:22.620 video.

00:07:23.720 Like, we're definitely not getting...

00:07:24.420 Well, I'll put it in the description as well.

00:07:26.820 I'll link to it.

00:07:27.600 I'll make up for it.

00:07:28.720 But there was so good.

00:07:31.200 It was literally...

00:07:31.920 If everybody gets the joke, it's just Dan Smots plus Jesus.

00:07:35.140 That's all this guy is.

00:07:36.980 So he's like, serious is not parody?

00:07:39.340 I don't know.

00:07:39.940 Oh, he...

00:07:40.740 Not only is he serious, but he actually wrote that with me in mind.

00:07:43.780 He wrote that for me, so...

00:07:45.140 It's not a joke, that's serious.

00:07:47.140 You said the joke, so I didn't have to.

00:07:48.720 I know, and my favorite Bible verse is Leviticum 32, so...

00:07:53.500 Oh, my God.

00:07:54.140 Yeah.

00:07:54.940 All right, man.

00:07:56.020 I liked it.

00:07:56.720 I liked it.

00:07:59.680 Don't enable him, Mark.

00:08:03.020 That was...

00:08:03.700 It was just so funny, because when I saw it, it was just a meme about, like, oh, Christian

00:08:09.680 rap actually goes pretty hard, and Jose spent the time to find the guy, find the whole 0.94

00:08:14.840 thing, watched the video, came back, and was like, this is a fucking banger, and we're 0.94

00:08:18.100 playing it on the show, and we had to, because... 0.90

00:08:21.140 And that's the first time I heard the entire thing, besides, like, the one part where he 0.86

00:08:24.920 gets the red eyes, but, God, that's so fucking funny. 0.79

00:08:27.960 That part got me kind of hyped, too. 0.74

00:08:30.000 Yeah, dude, this is like a song I could, like, walk out to in a UFC.

00:08:33.520 Oh, yeah.

00:08:34.480 That actually would be a great walkout song.

00:08:37.940 Stop checking off! 0.99

00:08:38.980 Stop jerking off! 1.00

00:08:40.480 Yeah, you want to be a fucking man? 1.00

00:08:42.100 Yeah, stop jerking off! 1.00

00:08:43.060 Like, the energy is like, ooh! 0.98

00:08:45.260 If Andrew Tate ever fights again, and he doesn't come out to that song, I'd be very disappointed.

00:08:50.320 That's a Jordan Peterson fight song right there.

00:08:54.840 I understand the no-fat movement and how it does benefit men, but I wonder, like, what 1.00

00:09:00.820 about the guys who, like, get their dick grabbed by crazy chicks? 0.99

00:09:04.140 Like, you know what I mean? 1.00

00:09:05.120 Like, sometimes jerking off can save you from following a chick and her friends to their 1.00

00:09:09.420 apartment, or saving you from fucking, like, paying $100 to a stripper in a bathroom, you 1.00

00:09:14.200 know what I mean? 1.00

00:09:14.500 I wouldn't do some retarded shit if I had some weird hang-up about jerking off. 1.00

00:09:18.620 I would have done some way more. 1.00

00:09:19.760 No, what I'm saying is if I don't jerk off for 30 days, which I have the ability to do, 0.99

00:09:23.940 like, I, and a woman starts rubbing me, like, I fucking, I lose my marriage. 0.99

00:09:29.220 You will do what? 1.00

00:09:29.240 You will eat out of the palm of her hands. 1.00

00:09:31.300 Yeah, exactly.

00:09:33.240 Well, I feel like every guy's been in a situation before where you're like, I don't know, some 0.99

00:09:37.480 whore, and she's just, like, a gross one. 1.00

00:09:39.540 You're like, you know what? 0.99

00:09:40.260 I'm gonna, I'm gonna beat off real quick, and then if I still want to after...

00:09:43.200 Exactly!

00:09:43.940 And you never text her back. 1.00

00:09:45.380 You, all those four whores in your phone are not getting texts back because you jerked off. 1.00

00:09:49.360 If I, if I had used masturbation more readily, I probably wouldn't have herpes. 1.00

00:09:54.880 And that's, like, does God want me to have herpes? 0.87

00:09:59.400 I don't really understand.

00:10:00.800 You never want to be around, like, a hot chick with, like, a loaded gun, though, you know?

00:10:04.860 Exactly. 1.00

00:10:05.360 I mean, if you want to fuck her, you do. 1.00

00:10:07.500 I do like being around chicks with loaded guns. 1.00

00:10:09.520 They get, they do what I say.

00:10:11.960 Oh, all right. 1.00

00:10:13.880 I go in a corner, and I say, you're gonna suck my dick, and I suck my dick every time. 1.00

00:10:18.240 It works. 1.00

00:10:18.540 He's George Floyd.

00:10:20.720 He's George Floyd.

00:10:21.920 He points a gun at his pregnant wife.

00:10:25.740 Makes sense. 0.99

00:10:27.480 But I do, I just do love the thought of just being, like, if, if men didn't know how to jerk off, women wouldn't run the world, and we would still be in the stone ages. 0.99

00:10:36.540 Like, we would just be, like, if we, if we didn't figure out jerking off, I mean, it, what would be, get accomplished? 0.99

00:10:43.220 Because they would just hold on a rate. 0.93

00:10:45.540 Yeah, it's a way to tell a woman no. 1.00

00:10:47.160 No means no, ladies. 0.99

00:10:48.840 I already jerked off. 1.00

00:10:51.280 I'm thinking with my smart brain now, bitch. 1.00

00:10:54.320 That's right. 1.00

00:10:54.860 It's like, it's like I already ate a little while ago.

00:10:56.620 I'm not hungry right now.

00:10:57.640 I already came a little while ago. 0.99

00:10:59.500 Do you think they used to jerk off more? 0.94

00:11:02.960 Like, because, like, the, if you go back and you say, like, oh, guys used to be way more manlier back in, like, the 1800s. 0.98

00:11:07.960 It's a tremendous question, Cole.

00:11:09.420 I'm so glad you brought up.

00:11:10.260 I don't think they did.

00:11:12.360 That's why they more readily went to war.

00:11:14.440 That's why they worked, like, 80 hours in factories.

00:11:16.880 That's why they, like, built the whole thing.

00:11:18.360 Well, hold on, hold on.

00:11:18.880 They built, that's them just wanting to come. 0.99

00:11:20.440 I feel like they're jerking off like animals. 1.00

00:11:22.140 If evolution is real, which it's not, that a caveman would be closer to an ape, apes jerk off like fucking rabbits. 1.00

00:11:30.120 Yeah, apes. 0.99

00:11:31.140 Dude, cavemen were coming all the time, man, because they use warrior technology, obviously.

00:11:38.140 That's true.

00:11:38.580 That's a callback.

00:11:39.740 Yeah, that's true. 0.99

00:11:40.280 I mean, but if, so, if monkeys weren't jerking off all the time, they would have been building buildings and shit like that by now. 0.99

00:11:45.600 Probably. 0.99

00:11:46.240 Yeah. 0.99

00:11:46.960 So, why do you want to jerk off like animals? 0.98

00:11:47.660 Because the whole, the whole reason that we, the whole reason we built structures is because we wanted a place where we can jerk off and not have people see us. 0.99

00:11:56.660 Oh, privately, yeah.

00:11:57.940 We ran out of caves. 1.00

00:11:59.500 I thought it was some shit. 1.00

00:12:01.060 And all the caves were taken up with, with dudes jerking off, and we were just like, we need to find another place to jerk off. 1.00

00:12:05.920 Yeah, I am sick of watching fucking jerk off constantly. 0.99

00:12:10.240 Yeah, I want my own jerk off place, and then finally tell a dude, after 30 days, he was like a month of not jerking off because he didn't want to jerk off. 1.00

00:12:17.660 A couple in front of the dudes, he put like a couple sticks together and a lean to, and he got in there, and they were like, oh, shit, this is the greatest thing ever. 0.99

00:12:25.180 I don't think you guys are appreciating how quickly I came up with a caveman's name. 0.90

00:12:31.100 I'm all developing the theory as we talk. 1.00

00:12:33.820 I feel like these are opposing forces, the power of the pussy and the power of the jerk off. 1.00

00:12:38.240 So, I actually think there needs to be a balance because you can't have an extreme. 1.00

00:12:42.340 So, the way I'm seeing it in my head right now, it's kind of like the pussy is like what drives you towards creation. 1.00

00:12:46.700 Because you guys are talking about building, building. 0.99

00:12:48.260 Okay, it wasn't really for me. 0.99

00:12:49.400 Also, it drives you towards destruction because you're doing all the fucked up things. 0.98

00:12:53.100 It drives you or doing stuff. 0.97

00:12:53.860 Because you're literally, you're rediscovering the yin and the yang.

00:12:56.840 But it jerking off kind of holds you back and like from overindulging in that instinct into a destructive level.

00:13:04.060 So, it's these opposing forces.

00:13:06.540 It's like, it's like almost a guy like being, it's almost like weed versus caffeine.

00:13:10.480 Do women have these conversations? 1.00

00:13:12.180 Do women like, oh, no, I got to fucking flick one out before I go out. 1.00

00:13:15.600 Otherwise, I ended up at some dude's apartment that I don't want to. 0.99

00:13:18.680 Women don't ever philosophize this deeply. 1.00

00:13:23.740 Which is why they're not allowed on this show.

00:13:27.640 That's right. 0.98

00:13:28.100 And the other extreme, though, Jose, is guys always jerking off, become incels. 0.99

00:13:33.360 And then they also don't do anything besides just jerking off. 0.99

00:13:36.520 Yeah, it's a balance. 0.97

00:13:37.620 Yeah.

00:13:37.980 Yeah, it's balance. 0.99

00:13:39.820 Yeah, you need to find the right amount of jerking off. 1.00

00:13:43.840 Four times a week. 0.99

00:13:45.060 I don't hate on people who don't.

00:13:46.700 There are people, I mean, I have a hard time believing grown men don't bust a nut at least semi-regularly.

00:13:53.220 But like.

00:13:54.000 It is so funny to think about your dad, your grandpa. 1.00

00:13:58.100 All of them are jerking off. 0.99

00:13:59.260 Why did you make me do that? 1.00

00:14:00.520 Oh, no.

00:14:01.700 I feel like if you don't.

00:14:02.920 It's almost like weird if you don't.

00:14:05.260 Like, how are.

00:14:06.020 Like, I know me.

00:14:07.100 Maybe I'm just a high testosterone individual.

00:14:08.840 But it's like, if I did nut for like just a couple.

00:14:11.060 A few days. 0.99

00:14:11.280 You would kill people. 1.00

00:14:12.380 You would kill people. 1.00

00:14:13.300 I would murder people. 1.00

00:14:14.340 Like, I'm not even kidding. 1.00

00:14:15.940 I think Jose's a regular testosterone person, but just in a smaller package.

00:14:20.520 So it makes it.

00:14:21.400 Yeah.

00:14:21.920 The concentration's much higher. 0.98

00:14:23.180 You ever find your dad's cum sock? 0.99

00:14:26.760 Oh. 0.99

00:14:27.160 Yeah, I met my mom.

00:14:32.900 It's funny. 1.00

00:14:33.780 You can kind of see where everyone's dad's jerking off is in the cum. 1.00

00:14:38.020 Like, you could see how Clint's dad was a real strong jerker. 0.99

00:14:41.500 You could see how Jose was next.

00:14:43.320 You could see obviously me and Cole, the dad wasn't.

00:14:45.920 Like, you could see everyone's dad's load. 0.99

00:14:48.320 And that's fucking true. 0.99

00:14:51.940 Tony's dad had a low T load, man. 1.00

00:14:54.060 I can't believe it.

00:14:55.640 We just bro-scienced our way into rediscovering both Buddhism and the yin and yang.

00:15:00.820 It's not my fault.

00:15:01.780 This is very profound.

00:15:03.240 My existence is like my dad's fault.

00:15:04.780 We're connecting the dots and the larger.

00:15:09.520 There's thousands of years of meditation, and we came up with it on the fly.

00:15:13.620 I mean, come on.

00:15:14.460 It is so funny to me, though. 0.96

00:15:16.240 Well, that's how they discovered it the first time, as they were all just jerking off and 0.99

00:15:19.620 then not jerking off. 0.99

00:15:20.780 And then they decided. 0.71

00:15:21.720 And that's how they wrote the yin and the yang.

00:15:23.940 Yeah.

00:15:24.240 He just wasn't smart. 0.96

00:15:25.640 He was just horny. 0.97

00:15:26.820 That's it.

00:15:27.180 What if yin and yang translates into loaded and unloaded?

00:15:32.900 Exactly.

00:15:34.000 For real.

00:15:34.760 The jerk-off is just like, you just figure it out naturally right away, right?

00:15:39.560 Like, very young.

00:15:40.560 My cousin taught me.

00:15:41.740 I did actually stumble into it.

00:15:43.020 I think you just start doing it, though.

00:15:43.720 I had no idea what I was doing.

00:15:45.220 His cousin stood behind him.

00:15:46.540 He's like, let me see you.

00:15:47.820 I'm not lying. 0.99

00:15:48.880 My cousin 100% taught me how to jerk off. 0.97

00:15:52.020 We need details, or we need to call CPS. 0.91

00:15:55.020 What are you saying right now?

00:15:57.180 My cousin is younger than me, but he taught me how to...

00:16:00.200 So you molested him? 0.97

00:16:02.100 You told him to jerk you up? 0.99

00:16:03.680 I'm trying to figure out how that works.

00:16:05.200 He was like, have you ever jerked?

00:16:07.180 And I was like... 0.96

00:16:08.200 He didn't say jerk, but he was like... 0.95

00:16:10.240 Have you ever got up and down? 0.88

00:16:12.700 I was like, no, never done that.

00:16:14.020 And we were at a church, I swear to God.

00:16:18.160 He was like, come into the bathroom with me.

00:16:21.920 His cousin was the priest, actually.

00:16:23.740 I will teach you that.

00:16:26.760 I went to the bathroom.

00:16:27.840 He was like, we'll go to the bathroom.

00:16:29.560 Guys, we're 15 minutes, 30 seconds in.

00:16:31.480 If anyone wants to clip this, go ahead, Cole.

00:16:35.160 We went to the bathroom, and he was like...

00:16:37.440 Separate stalls.

00:16:38.620 He was like, you spit in your hand, and you rub it until you... 1.00

00:16:43.760 What a fucking perverted little nine-year-old. 1.00

00:16:46.380 Until you feel good or whatever. 1.00

00:16:47.860 How old was he?

00:16:49.080 I mean, I was probably...

00:16:50.680 18?

00:16:51.960 No.

00:16:53.040 I was probably 13.

00:16:55.020 He was, I guess, 11 or 12.

00:16:57.160 Oh, I was jerking up way before that.

00:16:59.060 And I didn't even come.

00:17:00.860 I didn't even come until I was like 14 or 15.

00:17:03.660 Yeah, I was being it before I was...

00:17:05.220 No, no, no. 1.00

00:17:07.000 I was like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

00:17:09.460 I didn't even orgasm. 0.99

00:17:10.920 I just spit in my head and started... 0.76

00:17:12.220 And I was like, this is boring.

00:17:13.660 And then I stopped.

00:17:14.980 And then he came.

00:17:16.440 I didn't...

00:17:17.600 And then, I mean...

00:17:18.800 Tell me again how you first realized you were gay.

00:17:22.100 This was Cole's altar boy training, actually.

00:17:25.220 Dude, the first...

00:17:26.500 I think I jerked off for like a full year before I came.

00:17:29.540 And the first time I came, I was like startled by it. 0.99

00:17:32.580 I was like, what the fuck is happening right now? 0.97

00:17:33.740 It was scary at first. 0.99

00:17:35.140 I think I asked my stepdad about it.

00:17:38.100 And I did that weird thing where I tried to probe it without actually asking it.

00:17:43.260 And I remember at one point...

00:17:44.160 It was the worst moment for a stepdad's life.

00:17:46.560 He was just like...

00:17:47.900 I remember looking at his face, he was like...

00:17:50.900 Oh, just don't.

00:17:52.720 Do you remember when I grossed out Robbie the Fire with my story about this?

00:17:58.320 No, but I don't want to be grossed out again.

00:18:00.880 Okay.

00:18:01.680 Are you talking about the 32 session?

00:18:04.840 No.

00:18:05.520 Like, I think it was the first time I came, or at least one of them.

00:18:08.440 And like, my thigh started hemorrhaging blood.

00:18:12.840 Wait, what?

00:18:13.380 Hey, so what did you want to talk about?

00:18:15.740 Well, I want to tell you about Wagovi. 0.74

00:18:18.400 Wagovi?

00:18:19.140 Yeah, Wagovi. 0.96

00:18:20.340 What about it?

00:18:20.980 On second thought, I might not be the right person to tell you.

00:18:24.200 Oh, you're not?

00:18:25.000 No.

00:18:25.560 Just ask your doctor about Wagovi. 0.95

00:18:28.720 Yeah.

00:18:29.300 Ask for it by name.

00:18:30.360 Okay.

00:18:30.980 So, why did you bring me to this circus?

00:18:33.680 Oh, I'm really into lion tamers.

00:18:36.040 You know, with the chair and everything.

00:18:38.200 Ask your doctor for Wagovi by name. 0.70

00:18:40.220 Visit Wagovi.ca for savings.

00:18:42.460 Exclusions may apply.

00:18:44.160 Yeah.

00:18:45.600 Like, I ruptured a capillary in my thigh or something.

00:18:48.960 It became this, like, fountain of water.

00:18:50.260 How hard were you doing it? 1.00

00:18:51.780 You have a problem with your penis and, like, bodily functions. 1.00

00:18:55.780 Like, the wrong bodily functions coming out of them. 1.00

00:18:58.320 I'm not sure. 1.00

00:18:58.620 Like, autistics that don't know hot or fuck. 1.00

00:19:02.380 Sorry. 1.00

00:19:02.820 Autistics that don't know hard and soft.

00:19:04.320 That's what I meant to say.

00:19:05.040 Dude, it was so bad.

00:19:05.940 It was so bad because, like, the blood vessel was actually just shooting out of the leg.

00:19:11.360 So, I couldn't do anything about it.

00:19:12.520 I had to go to a doctor and get it, like, cauterized.

00:19:14.760 This is not a real story.

00:19:16.200 It absolutely is. 1.00

00:19:17.400 No, I believe this shit. 1.00

00:19:18.600 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:18.740 Wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:19:19.560 Hold on, hold on, hold on.

00:19:20.280 The first time you ever jerked off your leg. 0.99

00:19:22.900 Kane, not jerked off. 0.98

00:19:24.440 Your leg exploded blood?

00:19:26.080 Yes. 0.98

00:19:27.320 Did you think it's a hell of an orgasm? 0.98

00:19:28.940 Dude, that's a hell of an orgasm. 0.99

00:19:32.300 Do you now need to come with blood you shot out? 0.99

00:19:35.620 What?

00:19:36.260 Did that imprint on you where you can only get hurt if you see blood?

00:19:39.000 Do you now need to come with blood shooting out?

00:19:40.420 Yes.

00:19:41.640 I have to listen to the Cannibal Corpse song, I Come Blood.

00:19:46.120 There you go.

00:19:46.900 The first time I finally did jerk off to completion was on a family vacation in Florida. 0.97

00:19:53.580 And then I jerked off. 0.97

00:19:54.740 Oh, yeah, Florida stand up. 0.99

00:19:55.600 And then I jerked off seven times that day. 0.97

00:19:59.340 We were in Florida. 0.65

00:20:01.540 And I was just like, I mean, I would be in the ocean and like, well, got to go to the bathroom.

00:20:06.440 And I would literally just go.

00:20:07.600 I mean, this is like the first day ever.

00:20:09.660 Your dad is watching you, definitely knowing. 0.98

00:20:11.960 He's like, we're getting fucking beaten off. 0.92

00:20:13.160 I'm just randomly getting out. 0.84

00:20:15.660 You know, we're at the beach in the ocean having fun.

00:20:18.400 And all of a sudden I have to go to the bathroom for 20 minutes.

00:20:23.080 Taking three showers a day.

00:20:25.100 I was only, I was like 14.

00:20:27.580 I only showered like once every couple days, like whenever I was 14 or whatever, like all of us.

00:20:33.400 Also, I'm taking tons of showers.

00:20:35.500 What, mom?

00:20:36.000 I'm just very clean.

00:20:37.460 What do you think's worse?

00:20:38.440 A mom catching the sun beat off or the dad?

00:20:40.740 Because the dad has to be like, oh, you're supposed to be a man.

00:20:43.260 You're supposed to be better than this.

00:20:44.400 So it reminds you of him.

00:20:45.520 Whereas the mom might, I don't know.

00:20:47.040 It was way worse than my mom.

00:20:48.660 My dad was like, ha ha.

00:20:51.760 Oh, like between if your mom or your dad catches you.

00:20:55.880 Catch you, yeah.

00:20:56.480 Or you're talking about your mom catching either you or your dad.

00:21:00.160 No.

00:21:00.960 Which one's worse? 1.00

00:21:01.960 Dad catching you masturbate or mom catching you masturbate? 1.00

00:21:03.940 Mom. 0.99

00:21:04.300 I'm 100% mom.

00:21:05.780 It's not even close.

00:21:06.320 My dad would help.

00:21:07.780 My dad would just be indifferent.

00:21:10.380 Hey, who do you think taught your cousin?

00:21:16.560 Women just don't get it too. 1.00

00:21:18.180 So like a mother, like at least I don't, mine was like a Christian conservative mom.

00:21:22.520 And she, like I think she caught me like once, maybe twice.

00:21:24.940 And I remember it was like such a big thing.

00:21:26.740 And it was like, I am so disappointed in you.

00:21:30.940 I can't believe you do that. 1.00

00:21:32.140 You're like, dude, I'm a fucking 16 year old boy. 1.00

00:21:35.160 Everyone gets caught once. 0.99

00:21:37.220 But to get caught twice just shows a level of like depravity that really makes me lose

00:21:41.360 respect.

00:21:41.700 I think I never did.

00:21:43.220 I don't know, man.

00:21:43.900 Or they get caught on purpose.

00:21:45.720 They get caught on purpose.

00:21:47.060 They have to have the Lucy K thing going on. 0.97

00:21:49.980 Your mom walks in and she's like, I can't stop.

00:21:51.880 My mom moves there.

00:21:52.800 Oh, did I leave my, my, did I leave my door open?

00:21:57.960 My bad.

00:22:00.660 Sorry, mom.

00:22:01.500 You want to come and lay down?

00:22:03.100 As I told you before, the only time I got caught was my sister caught me looking at

00:22:07.500 a picture of a baconator.

00:22:09.320 That was the only time. 1.00

00:22:11.360 You have the weirdest fucking stories, dude. 0.99

00:22:13.340 Dude, I'm telling you, I think he's a lizard person and they just like, 1.00

00:22:16.000 and they just like pretend to be human. 0.99

00:22:18.640 Are we really all going to just move past the idea that he had a fucking capillary 0.99

00:22:22.540 exploded? 0.99

00:22:22.860 I wasn't jerking it off, though, that time.

00:22:24.620 I'm like doubting the existence of an entity called Toad at this point. 0.98

00:22:28.880 I wasn't jerking off to the baconator.

00:22:31.120 The capillary story, yeah. 0.92

00:22:32.880 Like, that was like, yeah.

00:22:34.740 I love that you said that you thought Toad might be a reptile and then you're like,

00:22:38.320 I don't think we know Toad anymore.

00:22:39.680 It's like, isn't that a reptile?

00:22:41.580 I don't even know.

00:22:42.720 Something's going on here.

00:22:43.880 He was telling you who he was the whole time. 0.95

00:22:45.960 He's more of a conehead than a reptile. 0.92

00:22:48.220 Yeah, dude, look. 1.00

00:22:48.820 Look, I piss cum and I cum blood. 0.98

00:22:50.780 Like, what's the issue? 0.97

00:22:52.060 Yeah, it's very weird. 0.99

00:22:53.560 That sounds like some shit you hear about on Ocean Island. 1.00

00:22:56.060 I never got caught jerking off. 1.00

00:22:57.860 I used to do that thing. 1.00

00:22:59.500 You know how you can fucking stick your testicles back up into like before they drop? 1.00

00:23:04.480 You know, I used to do that shit all the time and I got caught doing that. 1.00

00:23:08.440 My mom, I guess, thought I was jerking off. 1.00

00:23:11.020 And then she was like, stop doing that. 0.98

00:23:13.320 Wait, wait.

00:23:13.340 You're saying you could only do that before they drop?

00:23:15.880 Because I can still do it.

00:23:17.060 No, no, no, no, no.

00:23:17.740 So I was doing it after they dropped it. 0.99

00:23:18.880 He was just putting it in just for the fuck of it. 0.99

00:23:21.680 I mean, I probably really could, but that'd be awful. 0.99

00:23:24.340 I just tried.

00:23:29.120 I can't even like think about that because that would be like. 0.95

00:23:32.160 That used to be my masturbation was doing that. 0.91

00:23:35.400 I thought that was the. 0.98

00:23:36.480 I thought because my mom was like, don't do that. 0.74

00:23:39.020 And so I was thinking like, that's because, and I remember.

00:23:42.920 Did you come from it?

00:23:44.120 It's just weird when you do that.

00:23:45.520 No, I didn't come.

00:23:45.780 When company's over, Cole.

00:23:47.240 No.

00:23:49.480 No.

00:23:50.400 What?

00:23:52.040 I remember.

00:23:54.440 Well, that's kind of nice, I guess. 0.86

00:23:56.560 There was a kid in middle school and he was like, he asked me, he was like, we were at PE and he was like, you ever jerked off before? 0.98

00:24:01.620 And in my head, I was like, oh, that's why is everybody asking you putting the balls up thing. 0.98

00:24:10.500 You're like, you want to do it together?

00:24:13.440 But to go to Jose's point, that's what I hate about women is they have no, we have to understand women's emotional things. 1.00

00:24:19.880 So society tries to understand women emotionally, like, oh, they have periods and shit, but society, women don't understand male sexuality and they just don't, you know what I mean? 0.89

00:24:29.280 They just, some women do, but they're anomalies, like, society as a whole doesn't understand, like. 1.00

00:24:35.340 No, if they get us, like, you don't want to be anywhere near them.

00:24:38.680 Tell them about the mythical.

00:24:40.320 Oh, the mythical?

00:24:41.520 Are you familiar with the mythical, Mark?

00:24:43.380 No, I'm not.

00:24:44.180 What is this?

00:24:44.720 It's the movie where they slam, it's specifically in the moment of orgasm. 1.00

00:24:50.640 Like, when they slam the whole dick back, like, all the way to the fucking, you know, the base. 0.99

00:24:55.740 Extra points if you put their forehead on your stomach. 1.00

00:24:57.860 They also do that move where they put the tongue out and lick your balls as you're nutting. 1.00

00:25:03.040 Like, like that move and just dump it right back in there. 1.00

00:25:06.140 There's no way Mark hasn't experienced it.

00:25:07.780 All right, women are amazing creatures. 1.00

00:25:09.960 I fucking take that. 0.99

00:25:13.680 I mean, it's called the mythical, because, like, when you talk, there's, like, literally, it's, like, almost an elite, like, group of men that have actually even experienced this. 0.99

00:25:21.420 And even then, they've only had, like, close.

00:25:22.620 Oh, all right, all right, hold on.

00:25:23.980 They're natural elites, man.

00:25:25.660 I was just going to say, it's as close as women get to being part of the higher levels of the house. 1.00

00:25:30.780 Like, there was, I think, a woman one time, it's, like, she was trying to gag herself with my cock. 1.00

00:25:38.320 And that was the thing. 0.99

00:25:39.240 Like, it was hot.

00:25:40.260 But, like, in retrospect, it's, like, oh, I had, that could have been a blow-up doll.

00:25:44.500 But I think I similarly experienced it.

00:25:47.200 But it's, like, I could tell it was more about her doing this than me feeling good.

00:25:51.700 And then she literally did it.

00:25:54.460 It felt amazing.

00:25:55.580 But then she, like, freaked out and cried.

00:25:57.700 I thought she was on meth, honestly.

00:25:59.240 So I was, like, okay, just stand down.

00:26:00.700 I'll get you some water.

00:26:01.660 Like, it was a very freakish thing.

00:26:02.880 I'll get you some meth.

00:26:03.680 I have meth right here.

00:26:05.140 I do it all the time. 1.00

00:26:06.220 Yeah, but, like, you don't want to vomit all over your cock. 1.00

00:26:09.200 No, her name was Nina. 0.99

00:26:10.540 This was, like, seven, eight years ago.

00:26:12.500 It was very, like, when she did it, it was, like, I knew something strange was happening.

00:26:17.760 But then it felt really good.

00:26:19.340 And then she just, you know, she just wasn't the same person after.

00:26:23.100 Yeah, and neither were you, for the record.

00:26:25.840 You'll never be the same again. 1.00

00:26:27.120 I remember this shit seven years ago. 1.00

00:26:29.280 Yeah, dude. 1.00

00:26:30.000 I told her that girl was faking it, though, because she probably watched, like, a lot of porn.

00:26:34.080 So she was, like, oh, this is what I'm going to do now, and I'm going to, like, show up.

00:26:36.040 No, that's the problem. 0.99

00:26:36.860 I've been with the porn blowjob chicks. 1.00

00:26:39.020 That's the fucking weird thing. 1.00

00:26:40.300 And, again, there's got to be some, I feel like it's some weird female self-mutilation to suck a cock that good. 1.00

00:26:46.180 Like, I don't feel like women naturally suck cock good. 1.00

00:26:49.960 I remember one girl. 1.00

00:26:51.280 I call her the blowjob machine. 1.00

00:26:52.840 Her name was Allison. 0.99

00:26:56.480 But it literally felt like a machine.

00:26:59.680 I did.

00:27:00.480 Because it, like, it just, it felt, it was good, but it just felt like a machine.

00:27:04.140 Like, there was no rhythm to it.

00:27:05.780 There was no human body.

00:27:06.960 It felt like a machine.

00:27:08.380 That was a sex robot. 0.98

00:27:09.340 But, again, yeah, she checked herself. 0.93

00:27:12.080 I got a text from her. 0.82

00:27:13.220 She checked into, like, some sex rehab or something. 1.00

00:27:18.000 You did a sex rehab with your cum still in her tummy? 0.99

00:27:21.920 She did two as her emergency contact in a sex rehab place. 1.00

00:27:25.360 Why? 0.99

00:27:25.680 She had to go to the doctor, to the hospital, and get Mark's cum pumped out of her. 0.97

00:27:31.400 Right after Fauci is put in prison for the rest of his life, I want the doctors that put that woman into rehab put in prison, too. 0.95

00:27:38.680 You do not take a resource like that off the streets.

00:27:41.580 You let her go and live her best life, and you let everybody else get every STD on the man. 0.99

00:27:47.340 Some of the best sex has been, like, these emotionally damaged chicks that will try to throw a fist, like, after they've cum or cry or, like, break shit in my apartment or my old apartment. 1.00

00:27:57.680 So it's, like, I guess it's, like, a drug addict. 0.99

00:28:00.820 Like, they have the great highs and lows, but at some point they have to go to rehab and middle out.

00:28:04.920 That's the same thing with female sex addicts because, like you said, like, your mom was like, oh, that's because I guess women can't balance male sexuality. 1.00

00:28:13.360 They either, like, are shameful about it or they're, like, all in to the point where it destroys their lives and the guys that they're with. 1.00

00:28:19.960 Guys being plural because if a woman's sucking you so fucking good or fucking you good, there's no way it's just you. 0.99

00:28:25.600 She can say it for years. 1.00

00:28:27.060 There's no fucking way it's just you. 0.99

00:28:29.380 People don't understand. 0.99

00:28:30.460 It is hard when you get a chick who's going to watch something like The Mythical. 1.00

00:28:33.840 You're like, the thing that makes you so great is a reason I can't be with her. 1.00

00:28:38.000 Can't marry you because you just, it's not about my cock. 1.00

00:28:40.540 You just love doing this to cock, which is awesome. 1.00

00:28:43.360 But it's like, I can't have you in my life long term because you're going to do this to another guy's cock and then I'll be really hurt by it. 0.99

00:28:51.820 It's like she'll do it to the valet at her wedding. 0.98

00:28:56.100 Or the ring bearer, too.

00:28:57.960 And the priest.

00:28:59.020 And he's free.

00:29:01.220 People understand just how much domestic violence and sex go hand in hand.

00:29:05.320 Like, it is the perfect marriage of, you know.

00:29:07.800 I tell the cops that all the time.

00:29:08.980 Yeah, no, you just, it's like, no, she hit me first when we were having sex.

00:29:13.300 No, you don't understand.

00:29:14.420 It was SNS.

00:29:15.320 She asked for it.

00:29:16.240 She asked for it.

00:29:16.940 We're watching some SNM. 0.99

00:29:18.180 You just put on, like, BDSM real quick and just play that, hoping the cops see that and don't beat the shit out of you. 1.00

00:29:23.700 And then you have an erection with the cops. 1.00

00:29:25.720 See, but that's that real shit. 1.00

00:29:26.800 Sorry, I just ruined that. 1.00

00:29:28.200 That's the real shit you're talking about with that specific type of woman. 1.00

00:29:31.140 There's a lot of type of woman that try to fake it. 1.00

00:29:33.180 And you see it a lot in, like, if they're your boss, they try to fake what they think is masculinity. 0.99

00:29:38.900 But it's just, from them, it comes out as cuntiness. 0.98

00:29:42.360 They just can't get it. 0.97

00:29:43.960 That's like female comics. 1.00

00:29:45.220 Like, they don't, they think they're being funny, but it's just coming off weird because they're emulating masculine.

00:29:51.020 They were emulating, like, masculine delivery and energy and vibe.

00:29:54.780 Like, I don't think there's been a true, like, what the essence of femininity is in comedy yet. 0.97

00:29:59.860 And on the inverse, I have never had a dude give me a blowjob really violently that I didn't go, like, dude, you're faking it. 0.83

00:30:08.360 Like, I can tell this isn't the female energy I'm looking for. 0.99

00:30:12.200 But as we discussed, I think, isn't it more typical that dudes, like, know their way around a cock than a woman would? 0.99

00:30:18.880 Who's copping to this one? 1.00

00:30:21.860 Not with their fucking mouths, dude. 1.00

00:30:23.620 What are you doing? 1.00

00:30:24.640 Oh, that time I was at that fucking club with the rainbow flags. 1.00

00:30:27.660 Yeah, that was definitely a woman in the bathroom. 1.00

00:30:28.720 You know your way around the equipment that you have. 1.00

00:30:31.080 It's like, women are better than men eating pussies. 1.00

00:30:33.140 And men are better than women at sucking cock. 1.00

00:30:35.580 No, I think men eating pussy better because men are just, they're more primal, sexual in nature. 1.00

00:30:40.580 It's very, again, it's very rare to find a woman that, like, you know, is that way. 1.00

00:30:45.020 Women also lie. 1.00

00:30:46.180 So everything a lesbian says is wrong. 1.00

00:30:49.020 That's an understatement. 0.52

00:30:50.360 I have to show this one from David Brady, just because it made me laugh.

00:30:57.780 Adam to make Eve, but Adam didn't need her because he could now blow himself.

00:31:02.080 I have a level of distrust in the lesbian relationship, though. 0.98

00:31:05.420 You're like, I know how much women lie because you're a woman in this situation. 1.00

00:31:09.200 And it's like, and you know it's like how much you lie, and so you know they're lying.

00:31:12.600 It's like, dude, it used to be a nightmare.

00:31:14.220 It's like, at least in a normal relationship, you're like, I just have to worry about this one's lies.

00:31:17.520 I think they live in the delusion.

00:31:19.360 I think two lesbians, it's like they cancel each other out to where it's both lies become true. 1.00

00:31:24.080 So it's like, yeah, nothing's wrong.

00:31:26.040 And they always like, you're right, nothing's wrong.

00:31:27.600 And then they just live in that as truth.

00:31:29.680 They're like, it's fine. 1.00

00:31:30.680 We can get off without a cock. 1.00

00:31:33.440 My best friend's sister was a lesbian. 1.00

00:31:36.820 She still is.

00:31:37.860 But when I was 16, I saw all her girlfriends, and like every single one of her relationships ended violent. 0.98

00:31:44.480 She was the butch. 1.00

00:31:45.520 And it was just amazing to see over and over the same story. 0.97

00:31:48.300 Fun fact, the debate with feminists, I think 70% of lesbian relationships have domestic violence. 1.00

00:31:53.120 So use that statistic, fellas.

00:31:55.200 You know why, right?

00:31:56.280 Because like Mark said, they're living a lie.

00:31:58.420 No, because they never come.

00:31:59.740 They can never get off. 0.99

00:32:00.540 There's no dicks. 0.98

00:32:02.200 Well, they use dildos that are shaped like giant eggs. 1.00

00:32:05.960 They literally cannot fuck. 1.00

00:32:09.200 Right, yeah. 1.00

00:32:09.700 We've just heard of that, yeah. 0.99

00:32:10.920 It's a myth spread by big dildo that dildos can replace dicks. 1.00

00:32:14.180 Everybody knows it. 1.00

00:32:15.180 It's all fake and gay, man. 1.00

00:32:17.120 Big dildo is the best euphemism for the big whatever industry. 1.00

00:32:26.920 There's big tobacco, there's big pharma, and there's big dildos. 0.98

00:32:29.840 Yeah, exactly.

00:32:31.340 They're all ESG. 1.00

00:32:32.440 And ass being spread by big dildo. 1.00

00:32:35.340 Big dildo needs to be reined in. 1.00

00:32:37.120 Well, gay dudes fist each other, so that's got to take another level of the rock. 1.00

00:32:41.960 That's so big. 0.97

00:32:42.700 It's more fulfilling being a gay dude, though, I would think, right?

00:32:45.280 I just love the ack that that got from me.

00:32:47.540 I can't even see who.

00:32:48.640 I just heard it.

00:32:49.400 I mean, gay dudes have to be more, yeah, they're more fulfilled, not just because they, like,

00:32:53.740 literally filled.

00:32:55.120 Yeah, they're filled. 0.99

00:32:55.860 But also because, like, they get to watch sports and play golf and shit.

00:32:59.240 Yeah, and be around other dudes and actually, like, have, like, you know, and if the relationship 0.95

00:33:03.880 goes bad, you're not fucking lying to each other. 0.78

00:33:06.020 You just go, like, I don't like you anymore, dude. 0.99

00:33:07.640 If I was gay, I would want a real manly man because I, like, I want him to be into sports 0.99

00:33:11.480 and shit because, like, if I got a feminine dude who was, like, let's watch fucking Real 1.00

00:33:14.800 Housewives, I'd be like, get out of here, you fucking homo. 1.00

00:33:17.560 If you're in a gay relationship, you can actually fuck as opposed to this mutual masturbation 1.00

00:33:23.480 shit that lesbians do. 1.00

00:33:24.700 Like, let's be real. 1.00

00:33:25.380 Imagine watching your favorite sports can play and coming at the same time while talking

00:33:34.620 about the game.

00:33:35.900 It's always happening all the same time.

00:33:38.820 Imagine, I already do that. 1.00

00:33:41.140 I need it clipped where Toad says, oh, yeah, dudes can fuck. 1.00

00:33:47.660 So great. 1.00

00:33:49.040 32 minutes.

00:33:50.220 Hold on. 0.99

00:33:50.580 No, like, Cole, I think, is correct because women are really catty and bitchy. 1.00

00:33:59.020 So they're going to, like, lesbians, they're going to wind up hating each other because 1.00

00:34:01.980 of that. 0.81

00:34:02.260 Whereas dudes, gay dudes, I think they can just do what Cole said and be like, yeah, 1.00

00:34:06.720 like, whatever.

00:34:07.320 We're not dating anymore.

00:34:08.460 I love it when Toad talks about chicks because it's just so obvious that he's never been

00:34:11.640 around them and he's like, they're still catty.

00:34:13.660 And they're like, all they want to do is, like, go shopping or whatever I heard on TV.

00:34:17.780 Yeah, exactly.

00:34:19.800 They can go to the bathroom together and I don't know what they do.

00:34:22.420 I have watched every young adult movie, okay?

00:34:25.600 Every one of them.

00:34:26.440 And they all end with them going to the mall.

00:34:28.960 They're all suicidal. 1.00

00:34:30.260 Cole, would you get a hooker? 1.00

00:34:31.540 Hey, so what did you want to talk about? 0.99

00:34:33.920 Well, I want to tell you about Wagovi. 0.74

00:34:36.580 Wagovi?

00:34:37.320 Yeah, Wagovi. 0.96

00:34:38.520 What about it?

00:34:39.160 On second thought, I might not be the right person to tell you.

00:34:42.400 Oh, you're not?

00:34:43.180 No, just ask your doctor.

00:34:45.420 About Wagovi?

00:34:46.900 Yeah, ask for it by name.

00:34:48.540 Okay, so why did you bring me to the circus?

00:34:51.860 Oh, I'm really into lion tamers.

00:34:53.960 You know, with the chair and everything.

00:34:56.460 Ask your doctor for Wagovi by name. 0.70

00:34:58.560 Visit wagovi.ca for savings.

00:34:59.960 Savings.

00:35:00.880 Exclusions may apply.

00:35:02.520 I'm married, so...

00:35:04.160 Oh, you are.

00:35:05.080 So you're a good one.

00:35:06.060 So, yeah.

00:35:08.680 Toad, where do you live? 1.00

00:35:11.620 Do you want me to get you a hooker? 1.00

00:35:13.280 I'm serious. 1.00

00:35:14.060 I can't get a hooker right now. 1.00

00:35:15.760 Wait, we have to... 0.98

00:35:17.280 Yo, let's all go to New York and let's do that.

00:35:20.360 To New York? 1.00

00:35:21.180 And we will watch Toad fuck a hooker. 1.00

00:35:23.480 And we will be there and we will have a steady... 1.00

00:35:25.640 All six of us go fuck a single hooker. 1.00

00:35:28.020 I say we have a game for a hooker before we fuck them. 1.00

00:35:32.900 We bring them into the room and we all guess how much we're paying for each one. 1.00

00:35:37.860 Or we record this podcast while fucking like there's a hooker that unites all six of us. 0.99

00:35:43.340 Yes. 1.00

00:35:43.940 Yes.

00:35:44.580 Dibs on the mouth. 0.58

00:35:45.960 Dibs on the mouth. 0.58

00:35:47.120 Podcast centipede, if you will.

00:35:48.860 Yeah.

00:35:49.420 We got all to come ask who comes first.

00:35:51.400 Can we put all our ducks in one mouth?

00:35:53.300 So, Toad, you're the guy that's really into betting.

00:35:57.780 What would be the over-under for all of us coming?

00:36:01.680 If we were all to gangbang a hooker, what would be the over-under on all of us the time? 0.72

00:36:06.760 Oh, you don't get to stop until you come, so... 0.95

00:36:09.400 The time that it would...

00:36:11.340 Well, each one of us would have to have a different over-under set.

00:36:13.780 Yeah, I understand that.

00:36:15.160 Yeah.

00:36:15.340 Could we sign non-disclosures?

00:36:17.740 Well, this is going to be video, so it really matters.

00:36:19.560 Well, I'm the king of...

00:36:21.480 You can watch it, you just can't talk about it.

00:36:23.160 This is going to be video, bro.

00:36:24.980 You know about me...

00:36:26.120 A little black bar over the eye that doesn't, like, really actually follow well?

00:36:29.820 You know about me and the 32 and the constant edging and stuff, so my total would actually

00:36:34.140 be pretty high, I would say.

00:36:35.360 I don't believe that.

00:36:36.300 Yeah.

00:36:36.900 Oh, yeah, but you've only used your hands. 1.00

00:36:39.040 You've never used a human pussy. 1.00

00:36:41.120 I feel like Toad would not be able to form a gangbang. 1.00

00:36:44.420 That's the vibe I do.

00:36:45.600 I would not be able to form a gangbang.

00:36:47.460 I would.

00:36:47.820 There's no way I could...

00:36:49.620 You think Toad wouldn't be like, oh, come on, get some room. 0.97

00:36:52.460 You think he would be like, no, get the fuck out of my way. 1.00

00:36:54.680 He'd be possessive with the pussy. 1.00

00:36:55.960 Dude, I'd be fucking the chick while I'm slapping Cole's ass. 1.00

00:36:58.780 Are you talking about... 1.00

00:36:59.420 I think it'd be the other way around, if we're being honest. 0.96

00:37:02.080 Oh, no, we would find out which one is gay. 1.00

00:37:04.520 You'd be fucking me and slapping the hooker's ass? 1.00

00:37:07.940 I have a strong feeling that I think, genuinely, Top and Random are the only ones who would 1.00

00:37:14.160 actually, and me, would be the only ones who would be about that.

00:37:16.920 Like, obviously, Top wouldn't because he's married, but in this hypothetical, we're not

00:37:25.380 or whatever, you know, and we're just single dudes.

00:37:27.760 I think Top is a savage, and I think he would.

00:37:31.680 And I think, I know Mark would, and I know I would. 1.00

00:37:35.160 I think the rest of you are your pussies. 1.00

00:37:36.700 I would. 1.00

00:37:37.700 He would.

00:37:38.160 I was 10 years old.

00:37:38.980 I would definitely.

00:37:40.820 In Vegas, I had this girl hit me up at the bar, and we just chatted up.

00:37:46.220 I buy her a drink. 0.97

00:37:46.900 We go, and we fucking play craps for a half an hour. 0.99

00:37:49.400 We're having the time of our lives. 0.99

00:37:50.580 Is that what you call it?

00:37:52.140 No, I'm serious.

00:37:52.940 We play craps for a half an hour.

00:37:53.960 You gave her a Cleveland steamer.

00:37:55.280 I'm raking in money.

00:37:56.560 We get in the elevator.

00:37:57.420 She's like, let's go back to your room.

00:37:58.360 I was like, all right, cool.

00:37:58.980 We get in the elevator.

00:37:59.780 We go up to the room.

00:38:00.580 And she's like, so we should talk price. 0.98

00:38:02.220 And I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. 1.00

00:38:04.640 This bitch hung out with me for an hour before she even mentioned she was a prostitute. 1.00

00:38:09.520 How much does she say? 1.00

00:38:10.580 Oh, that must be a high price tag, man.

00:38:12.240 She said $600.

00:38:13.580 And I was like, I don't want to buy sex. 0.62

00:38:17.640 She's like, what?

00:38:19.760 It should be like that match prices.

00:38:21.720 Just pull up on your phone. 1.00

00:38:22.860 Hey, look, I can get hookers for $80 a day, bitch. 1.00

00:38:27.020 Can you match this price? 1.00

00:38:28.860 All right, granted, you're better looking. 1.00

00:38:30.240 If Walmart does it, you can't do it, you cheap whore. 1.00

00:38:34.080 That's a lot of money. 1.00

00:38:35.320 She said $600.

00:38:36.680 And then I negotiated her down to $300.

00:38:38.540 And then I pushed her off onto my brother. 0.97

00:38:40.560 Yes.

00:38:41.020 Nice.

00:38:41.580 You haggled and haggled.

00:38:42.800 All right.

00:38:43.080 Yeah.

00:38:43.420 What do you want is you want the girlfriend experience, man, up to the point where you

00:38:47.700 don't have to even pay.

00:38:48.820 So that's what you got to do.

00:38:50.140 I did get it.

00:38:51.580 She was so upset with me that I didn't want to acquire her. 0.55

00:38:55.720 No, Toad is the could you stay and cuddle. 0.99

00:38:58.080 Clint is the get the fuck out of my room. 0.99

00:38:59.800 I got another one coming. 0.99

00:39:01.160 They got a podcast.

00:39:02.140 Get out of here.

00:39:02.660 You should have done like that.

00:39:03.680 I can't remember which comedian was talking about it.

00:39:05.360 But it was like the you go.

00:39:07.180 All right.

00:39:07.440 Yes.

00:39:07.940 $50.

00:39:08.760 And she goes, no, 150.

00:39:10.580 You go, good.

00:39:11.400 And she goes, are you going to pay?

00:39:12.540 You're like, no, you you pay me. 1.00

00:39:15.980 I'm a hooker. 0.99

00:39:17.020 I should have done that. 0.99

00:39:20.020 Yeah, you should have been.

00:39:20.820 That's right.

00:39:22.580 I'd be like, this happens to me all the time.

00:39:24.840 I'm so sorry.

00:39:25.600 $600, honey.

00:39:26.240 And you're like, all right, fine with me.

00:39:27.960 Our rates offset.

00:39:29.280 Okay.

00:39:29.580 We just do it.

00:39:30.240 No one gets paid.

00:39:32.360 I'll eat the cost.

00:39:33.520 It's okay.

00:39:34.160 That's right. 0.99

00:39:34.460 We're both hookers now. 0.99

00:39:35.480 I just became one right now. 0.98

00:39:37.040 So this is like if I was a mechanic and you were a mechanic and we just worked on each

00:39:40.440 other's cars.

00:39:41.120 That's all this is.

00:39:41.940 All right.

00:39:44.080 Now let me insert my dipstick.

00:39:48.760 Let's go.

00:39:49.500 You want to make them come?

00:39:51.280 You want it? 1.00

00:39:51.600 Because you're like, oh, this hooker's had a thousand dicks. 1.00

00:39:53.700 I want to see if I could be the one that like really gets to her where she's not fake. 0.99

00:39:57.540 And you ever have that live random?

00:39:59.660 What? 0.98

00:40:00.000 I don't care what a hooker thinks. 1.00

00:40:03.540 I'm not what they think.

00:40:04.760 Just if you could make them come or it's like they're like, I don't know.

00:40:07.980 I'm a competitive person.

00:40:12.040 I think of homeless people more than hookers. 1.00

00:40:15.420 Okay.

00:40:15.840 I think that's just so you know my art.

00:40:18.360 You think if you could get homeless people off?

00:40:19.480 What?

00:40:20.020 What are you saying?

00:40:20.320 I think I could get homeless people off.

00:40:21.800 I feel like it's much.

00:40:22.720 Most homeless people are men.

00:40:24.080 So yeah.

00:40:24.440 I could get them off very easily.

00:40:25.960 No, no, no.

00:40:26.340 They're probably on opiates, dude. 1.00

00:40:27.700 That shit's hard. 1.00

00:40:28.720 How much would you have to get paid to fuck a homeless chick that's like been out there 1.00

00:40:33.080 for a decade? 1.00

00:40:34.220 Five dollars. 1.00

00:40:37.980 Just verify my Twitter and I'll fuck this too this morning. 0.99

00:40:47.500 You're like, Mark's like, other than today when I did it? 0.99

00:40:52.160 Yeah, Mitch.

00:40:53.140 She Twitter blew you. 0.91

00:40:55.960 Hey, that was good.

00:40:57.760 That was good.

00:40:58.280 Finally, Toad.

00:40:59.260 Jesus Christ.

00:41:00.200 I'm so proud of you.

00:41:01.680 I'm so proud of you.

00:41:02.480 The, uh, yeah, I mean, it's awesome because you do it for the cost of your Twitter blue

00:41:08.580 subscription and then you're like, I'm an elite. 0.99

00:41:10.780 I'm verified bitch. 1.00

00:41:11.580 And you just fuck this like aggro-ass bitch. 1.00

00:41:15.680 She has mastectomy scars that go down her leg. 1.00

00:41:19.020 Oh, she's zipper tits. 1.00

00:41:21.620 That's so dark. 1.00

00:41:22.960 Oh my God.

00:41:24.160 Why did she have a mastectomy? 1.00

00:41:27.960 Because her kids got taken from her. 0.99

00:41:29.940 I don't know.

00:41:32.000 Is that part of it?

00:41:33.280 You never talked to hookers before? 1.00

00:41:35.320 He said a mastectomy. 0.98

00:41:37.900 He said a mastectomy.

00:41:40.660 So I was just like, yeah, my kids are grown now.

00:41:42.620 I don't need these things anymore.

00:41:43.760 Cut them off.

00:41:46.480 Jesus Christ.

00:41:47.480 He takes out her fake teeth, which are still only four of them. 0.99

00:41:50.420 How was the conversation with this hooker before you realized she was a hooker? 0.99

00:41:55.660 We were having the time of our lives. 1.00

00:41:57.380 I like, I was, I was fucking, you always got to grab the pussy to make sure it's not 1.00

00:42:00.860 a dude though. 1.00

00:42:01.600 You always got to just do it.

00:42:03.700 I probably knew she wasn't a dude. 1.00

00:42:04.960 She was this hot Latina chick. 1.00

00:42:06.380 And I was like, I was super drunk.

00:42:07.820 I had gone out on this party bus all night and I got back to my hotel and I was staying,

00:42:12.420 I don't, I forget like MGM or something.

00:42:14.180 And I was at Skate Fest or was this at a different?

00:42:16.400 No, no, this was seven years ago.

00:42:17.720 No.

00:42:18.480 Skate Fest was in old Vegas.

00:42:20.180 We're all a millionaire.

00:42:23.980 This is in old Vegas.

00:42:25.560 And MGM is at the end of the strip.

00:42:26.880 Did the MGM still have the live lions back then though? 0.99

00:42:29.820 Who fucking cares? 0.99

00:42:30.580 Yes. 1.00

00:42:31.100 Yes, it is.

00:42:31.640 Yeah.

00:42:35.000 That was so nerdy.

00:42:36.020 I loved it.

00:42:37.500 Yeah.

00:42:37.880 So I just sit down at the bar. 0.99

00:42:38.940 She, she fucking pulls up next to me. 1.00

00:42:40.840 She's like, you waiting on anybody? 0.99

00:42:42.200 And I was like, no.

00:42:43.120 She's like, you want to get me a drink?

00:42:44.640 I was like, yeah.

00:42:45.780 And then, then we just hit it off and we start talking like about what I was doing in Vegas.

00:42:50.040 And I was there for my brother's birthday.

00:42:51.320 Oh, those are plants. 0.98

00:42:52.560 What they do is a lot of clubs sometimes, like even nightclubs or sex clubs, maybe they put plants in there to have sex with people. 1.00

00:42:59.480 So they'll go and say like, oh man, this fucking club, you got to check it out. 0.99

00:43:03.200 Like there's women that are paid by the club to just, you know, and then they try to. 1.00

00:43:07.420 So she was double dipping.

00:43:09.040 She was triple dipping. 0.99

00:43:09.860 She got free drinks from a dude.

00:43:12.140 She then gets paid by the casino and she gets paid by the dude. 0.99

00:43:15.820 This is crazy. 1.00

00:43:16.700 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:43:17.020 You just got to always expect, you got to always assume women are hookers trying to get money from you, or you got to assume they're hookers so they have a price. 1.00

00:43:25.680 Right. 0.91

00:43:26.060 I thought that would get more of a laugh than it got.

00:43:28.640 I'm sorry.

00:43:29.100 I got it.

00:43:29.500 I got it.

00:43:30.020 That's actually pretty clever.

00:43:31.900 Very, very demeaning towards women. 1.00

00:43:33.640 Wait, sock them on down the street. 0.91

00:43:35.080 Like, I bet I could get her for $80. 1.00

00:43:36.780 Wait, you mean when I was in Vegas, those two hot Russian chicks were not both interested in me simultaneously? 1.00

00:43:42.440 Dude, I got another story. 0.99

00:43:43.720 This is how much of a sucker I was. 0.96

00:43:46.180 I was like, I don't know, mid, late 20s. 0.98

00:43:49.200 And I went to Spearmint Rhino, which is like probably the elite strip club in Vegas.

00:43:53.380 And this absolutely gorgeous Russian girl, it just sparked this memory because you said Russian chicks.

00:43:58.880 She sits down and she's just like, I was back there actually for my brother's birthday again.

00:44:03.640 Weird.

00:44:04.920 And my stepdad's still in there and he buys like 500 bucks worth of chips and he's just going to get my brother lab dances all night.

00:44:12.440 And this girl's like sitting there trying to get me to get a lab dance. 1.00

00:44:14.900 And I'm like, I'm not really into this shit. 0.99

00:44:16.080 And she's just like, well, you know, I'm not really into this either. 0.99

00:44:18.560 Like, let's, let's talk.

00:44:20.060 Like, what are you about?

00:44:20.880 You know, she starts, she starts like spitting game at me. 1.00

00:44:23.980 And she's like, well, you know, I sometimes, sometimes I come down to San Diego.

00:44:27.260 Like I could come and stay with you for like a weekend or something.

00:44:29.500 And I was like, this is awesome.

00:44:31.180 I'm like straight up getting picked up by this.

00:44:33.060 And then, of course, she texts me and she goes like, well, hey, I'm free next weekend.

00:44:38.640 And I was like, awesome.

00:44:39.380 Like, I was down to pick up her flight, but that was going to be it, obviously.

00:44:42.500 And she was like, yeah, she's like, I need at least 2,500 to just spend my weekend. 1.00

00:44:46.660 I was like, you motherfucker. 1.00

00:44:49.200 Clint is just getting approached by prostagies all over the place. 1.00

00:44:52.720 Thank you, Jeff.

00:44:55.480 No, that's so true. 0.99

00:44:56.680 We were, because I was like, women are always suckers. 1.00

00:45:02.300 We have like 10 commandments and that, that went up there. 0.99

00:45:05.420 That's in stone.

00:45:06.380 You left the command right there.

00:45:09.320 I just thought, I thought that she gave me her personal number.

00:45:11.600 So I was like, there's no way she's a working girl. 1.00

00:45:13.380 But that's the game is they know like new age dudes have emotions.

00:45:16.460 So they'd be like, oh, I don't want, like, let's get away from it.

00:45:19.240 They try to get that mentality. 0.59

00:45:20.900 I know that because one time a woman stupidly forgot to mention a price. 0.80

00:45:24.640 And then she's like, oh, you're, I was a musician at the time. 0.84

00:45:27.980 You're a musician.

00:45:28.700 In my jokes, I say comic.

00:45:30.280 You're a comic.

00:45:30.920 Oh, you're really good.

00:45:31.960 You know, you're better than these other comics, which is like, yeah.

00:45:34.480 And then she makes me come. 0.91

00:45:36.620 And then I just like, all right, it was nice meeting you.

00:45:38.900 And then she goes, wait, and a bouncer jumps out and she goes, I made you come. 1.00

00:45:43.280 You owe me a hundred dollars. 1.00

00:45:44.300 And then the fucking door, I'm like, oh shit. 1.00

00:45:46.800 I'm like, yes. 1.00

00:45:47.600 And then I was like, I thought you liked me for me. 0.99

00:45:50.460 But like, here's the sick thing is I knew she was a hooker. 1.00

00:45:54.860 I knew that's what she was doing. 1.00

00:45:56.460 But I knew she didn't make a price so I could play off the, I thought you liked me for me shit. 0.99

00:46:02.300 And I knew that would work. 1.00

00:46:03.880 Fucking genius. 1.00

00:46:05.840 Wow. 1.00

00:46:06.200 By the way, all the time you start talking price, I'm like, oh, wow.

00:46:10.060 This is Huey Lewis.

00:46:11.840 I love this.

00:46:14.060 The problem is that.

00:46:15.280 Of all the songs. 0.99

00:46:16.140 That was a great fucking joke. 0.99

00:46:19.760 The only thing this tells me is that Clint just looks like a Mark. 0.99

00:46:23.240 Because he's been telling us twice.

00:46:26.080 It is the only two times.

00:46:27.640 Let me just say that.

00:46:28.700 It is the only two times.

00:46:29.480 It is the only two times. 1.00

00:46:30.760 The hookers that are trying to get fucking money out of us. 1.00

00:46:35.020 No, no. 1.00

00:46:35.360 You know what I look like? 1.00

00:46:36.280 I look like a dude with money that's not totally disgusting that they wouldn't want to fuck. 0.99

00:46:40.060 So they actually approach me. 1.00

00:46:41.200 You look like a rich man who wants to fuck. 1.00

00:46:42.160 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:42.740 As opposed to the ugly dudes who have to approach them.

00:46:44.900 I'm just like chilling and they're like, hey, what's up?

00:46:46.820 Well, the other problem is that you can't make the assumption that all hookers are going to just look like they've been like ravaged. 0.94

00:46:54.060 And they're just rife with like STDs.

00:46:55.940 Both of these girls were cute. 1.00

00:46:57.440 But the one experiment I know was a 20. 0.97

00:47:00.300 She was so fucking perfect. 0.99

00:47:01.980 It was ridiculous. 0.99

00:47:02.940 I was like, yeah, you could come hang out in my Airbnb in San Diego.

00:47:06.260 That's amazing.

00:47:07.280 And then she's just like $2,500.

00:47:09.420 By the way, you gave a second thought about the $2,500 too.

00:47:12.300 I know you did.

00:47:12.780 I did.

00:47:13.480 It was the only time in my life I actually considered it because she was so spectacularly hot. 1.00

00:47:18.320 I could save her.

00:47:20.380 I could rescue her.

00:47:21.480 You're almost buying an experience at that point. 1.00

00:47:23.720 She'd be coming over to your place for like, like, I kind of understand the mentality of rich people with like the sugar daddy shit. 1.00

00:47:29.220 Because you're like, oh, we'll have a nice weekend. 0.99

00:47:31.420 I'll get.

00:47:31.600 Dude, I have a house with an ocean view. 0.99

00:47:33.940 I'm fucking, I'm nice. 0.97

00:47:35.300 Like, I was genuinely like. 0.98

00:47:37.720 I contemplated a Captain Sabahoe mission and I thought better of it.

00:47:43.340 But do you think that's possible?

00:47:44.980 Like, I mean.

00:47:45.840 Is it possible?

00:47:46.760 Sure.

00:47:47.140 She would still blow the ballet at her wedding. 0.99

00:47:48.260 No, I mean, like, watch out because sometimes hookers will be like, you know, I don't even really want to do this. 1.00

00:47:52.440 I just have to say the price because the agency I work with.

00:47:55.200 But like, they really try to get that.

00:47:57.160 I'm not doing it for the money.

00:47:58.340 I like you. 0.99

00:47:59.320 This is a man who has some experience with hookers. 0.99

00:48:02.180 This is, I would drive hookers around. 1.00

00:48:03.960 His name is Marks. 0.99

00:48:05.300 Oh, sorry.

00:48:06.760 Hooker master. 0.99

00:48:07.640 These hookers mastered argumentation ethics before Hoppa thought of it. 1.00

00:48:12.740 That is so brilliant. 0.99

00:48:13.900 That's a good one.

00:48:14.400 It's true, Jason.

00:48:14.840 It's true, Jason. 0.89

00:48:14.860 Because I did, I would drive hookers around in, like, the. 1.00

00:48:18.600 So you were a pimp. 0.99

00:48:20.500 No, I would just, no, I would just drive them around.

00:48:23.960 And then I just, I also had to.

00:48:25.420 He was a new Uber driver.

00:48:26.400 And then I would protect them when they're clients.

00:48:29.000 No, I was literally just saying. 0.99

00:48:30.260 And when people wouldn't pay, I would fucking break their legs. 0.99

00:48:33.020 You go on, at that point, it was Craigslist. 1.00

00:48:35.000 And you'd find the in-call hookers. 1.00

00:48:36.740 And you'd be like, hey, you could make out-call if I'll drive you around.

00:48:40.340 Just give me, like, 20%.

00:48:41.640 Or just give me, like, $300.

00:48:43.340 And then you'd protect them. 0.98

00:48:44.600 Also, another move you could do is, like, you just stand outside the door of a hooker. 0.96

00:48:49.460 And you just say, hey, you pay me. 0.98

00:48:51.140 And then you go in.

00:48:52.280 And then you just go.

00:48:54.200 I open up, like, what's up?

00:48:55.560 It's like, you're going up in someone's house and start painting their fence.

00:48:58.500 And be like, yeah.

00:49:00.180 As I'm telling this story, I'm, like, every horrible thing that happens in my life, I probably deserve.

00:49:05.500 As I'm telling these stories.

00:49:06.460 All I'm hearing is you describing the career path of a pimp. 0.89

00:49:10.140 And not acknowledging that you were a pimp. 0.98

00:49:12.480 It's the craziest thing I've ever heard. 0.93

00:49:14.160 I had a few friends.

00:49:15.960 I gathered up.

00:49:16.740 They went to a nice date with men.

00:49:18.760 They gave me money to, you know, drive.

00:49:20.800 I didn't work at Subway.

00:49:21.960 I'm a sandwich technician. 1.00

00:49:25.900 I was like, hey, I just sucked his dick. 1.00

00:49:28.600 It's not just tame. 1.00

00:49:30.460 So if the Johns got, like, handsy with the bitch, you know, sometimes I'd have to rough him up. 1.00

00:49:35.060 But, like, sometimes she would, like, the bitch would sell drugs for me on the side. 1.00

00:49:38.260 I'd take 50% of that. 0.99

00:49:39.520 No, but that's really weird because they would all come with drugs.

00:49:42.260 It was all stress.

00:49:43.080 Yeah, it was like, it was a hippie commune.

00:49:46.420 It was like the, what's it, gas, grass, rats.

00:49:48.280 It was like we were all just helping each other.

00:49:50.800 They were helping me get money and they were helping me get drugs. 0.99

00:49:54.000 They would, like, sometimes give you a blowjob after. 0.99

00:49:56.340 You had prostitutes that got you drugs and money. 1.00

00:49:58.400 You were a pimp. 1.00

00:49:59.280 Oh, you're doing the thing from that movie. 0.93

00:50:02.520 But no, I was not. 0.96

00:50:05.520 You were a pimp. 0.95

00:50:06.800 He thinks you have to wear, like, chinchilla. 1.00

00:50:09.600 You know, drugs, money, or also sex. 0.98

00:50:10.220 He also got the sex.

00:50:12.200 He's like, I never wore a fur coat.

00:50:14.000 I never had gold chains. 1.00

00:50:15.040 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:50:16.280 I didn't have a Rolls Royce. 1.00

00:50:18.860 Yes. 0.99

00:50:19.540 I didn't have a clock as a fucking necklace, okay? 0.99

00:50:22.740 Because that's just flame of flame. 1.00

00:50:25.920 Successful Clint over here is dealing with $1,000 prostitutes.

00:50:29.040 I'm dealing with the ones that'll take $60 if it's a low night.

00:50:32.240 I gave one a lottery ticket, okay?

00:50:35.440 I already scratched it off. 0.99

00:50:36.620 It was a loser. 0.95

00:50:37.300 She still took it. 1.00

00:50:40.900 Goddamn. 1.00

00:50:42.740 I don't know why. 1.00

00:50:43.620 Mitchell Harperman is the name I would give any kind of sex working I was dealing with. 0.86

00:50:47.560 But that was the name. 0.99

00:50:49.160 I probably should have fucking said that on this podcast. 0.98

00:50:51.800 Yeah, that was a mistake. 0.99

00:50:52.480 Mitchell Harperman?

00:50:53.480 Oh, it's the title of the episode now.

00:50:55.940 By the way, I just remembered the name of that harlot in...

00:51:00.240 Wait, seriously, don't...

00:51:01.440 I apologize for interrupting.

00:51:02.820 Please don't title that because I feel like it's very rare, but I don't want some chick 1.00

00:51:08.480 from 10 years to type in Mitchell Harper and then this comes up and she has the most 0.85

00:51:13.560 fucked up story of the world. 0.99

00:51:16.560 She's not 20 anymore. 0.98

00:51:18.160 She's 30 and so.

00:51:19.460 How many Mitch Harpers are there?

00:51:21.920 You knew I was 15, Mark. 1.00

00:51:27.740 If our chat just lights up with a bunch of bitches right now. 1.00

00:51:31.440 Her name was Marina. 0.99

00:51:34.300 So Marina, Spearmint Rhino.

00:51:35.920 Of course it was Marina.

00:51:36.860 Eight years ago.

00:51:37.640 I just want you to know you broke my heart.

00:51:39.360 Have you seen Liberty Lockdown Marina?

00:51:41.480 Do you know what you missed out on?

00:51:42.860 You blew it, Marina.

00:51:44.280 You could have had all of this.

00:51:45.820 You could have blew it, Marina.

00:51:46.900 I don't know.

00:51:49.000 That's like someone showing up in your DMs asking if you want to buy explosives. 0.99

00:51:51.820 Like you should have fucking known. 0.99

00:51:53.200 Like, let's be real. 0.99

00:51:55.100 She wasn't a fad. 1.00

00:51:57.140 By the way, did anybody try and buy the Powerball?

00:52:02.040 I did.

00:52:02.600 You got up to two billion.

00:52:03.460 You did, Tom?

00:52:04.240 Oh, yeah.

00:52:05.020 I didn't win.

00:52:05.800 That's why I'm here right now.

00:52:07.840 No. 0.99

00:52:08.160 In fucking California one. 1.00

00:52:09.600 Some bullshit. 1.00

00:52:11.500 In Cali one. 1.00

00:52:12.160 I can't believe it.

00:52:12.540 Tom probably bought it.

00:52:13.520 It's like if I just put my energy into it, it'll make it reality.

00:52:17.060 If it didn't get called on this Tuesday or whatever it was, I would have gone up to Tennessee

00:52:24.640 and bought some water.

00:52:26.200 It was outskirts of L.A.

00:52:27.300 It could have been Tripoli.

00:52:28.440 They don't sell in Alabama?

00:52:29.960 They don't sell the Powerball in Alabama.

00:52:31.940 Wow. 0.99

00:52:32.820 That's gay. 1.00

00:52:33.240 They just got their own state lottos. 1.00

00:52:34.360 Those pieces of shit. 1.00

00:52:35.340 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:36.500 Lorenzo, pro tip from guys.

00:52:38.380 Been around. 0.98

00:52:39.080 Fucked around. 0.99

00:52:39.800 Don't ever fall in love with those hoes. 1.00

00:52:41.660 I'm just telling you. 1.00

00:52:42.520 That's, you know, like, definitely not the whores. 1.00

00:52:44.540 The literal whores. 1.00

00:52:45.340 Yeah, a one-night stand chick. 1.00

00:52:48.100 Yeah.

00:52:48.640 Yeah.

00:52:48.880 Don't remember.

00:52:49.120 You know, I've only had one one-night stand in my entire life.

00:52:53.020 I'm like a...

00:52:54.080 I don't know that.

00:52:54.660 I'm serious. 0.98

00:52:55.580 But, I mean, I've had sex with girls only once, but they've been, like, friends and shit. 1.00

00:52:58.500 I'm saying, like, I always fuck with girls. 1.00

00:53:00.040 They don't count during the days, but I have a hundred hours to do that. 1.00

00:53:04.800 A one-night stand is a chick you meet that night and you fuck her that night. 1.00

00:53:08.420 That's a one-night stand. 1.00

00:53:09.140 It only has one-day stands.

00:53:10.800 You say friends? 0.98

00:53:11.840 So, what, you have chicks that you kind of got close with, fucked, and then just, like, 0.98

00:53:15.960 never went further? 1.00

00:53:16.560 No, Clint always fucks a chick twice. 1.00

00:53:19.320 Cousins? 0.99

00:53:20.020 It's a weird move.

00:53:21.240 I don't know why.

00:53:21.800 Something's weird about that.

00:53:24.580 I'm just alluring once you get to know me.

00:53:26.160 I met a friend that night. 0.99

00:53:27.880 I fucked her and never talked to her again. 0.99

00:53:29.320 That's not a one-night stand. 1.00

00:53:30.540 No, no, no, no.

00:53:31.380 That is a one-night stand.

00:53:32.600 What I was doing was...

00:53:33.560 It was a genuine connection.

00:53:34.440 We were friends.

00:53:35.120 I was doing friends with benefits regularly.

00:53:37.800 Yeah, you know when you, like, if you have a friends with benefits situation and you

00:53:41.600 can always kind of tell that they're like, all right, this is the last time I'm going 0.99

00:53:44.520 to do it, but then you ask for something weird, like, hey, could you just eat my ass 1.00

00:53:48.420 out, chick, or some shit like that? 1.00

00:53:50.660 Yeah, absolutely. 0.99

00:53:51.800 You want to degrade them on the way out.

00:53:53.460 No, I just, I feel like you want to leave them with a memory. 0.77

00:53:56.460 You want to, like, you know, because this chick's a hoe. 1.00

00:53:58.600 She's fucked a hundred dudes, but I want to be the one that stands out. 0.99

00:54:02.140 No, this is why random gets laid, because I have the exact same mentality. 1.00

00:54:06.580 You have to let the bitch know. 1.00

00:54:09.960 I will be remembered. 1.00

00:54:11.120 I want you to tell your friends about me, and if you do that... 1.00

00:54:13.900 I have my own fucking logo and t-shirt on while I fuck you, hoe. 1.00

00:54:17.460 Thank you. 1.00

00:54:17.860 You're not going to do that. 0.99

00:54:19.380 I'm Mark Random, bitch. 1.00

00:54:20.840 Yes. 0.99

00:54:21.320 Exactly. 1.00

00:54:22.460 By the way, if you guys want to have sex with prostitutes and say you're Mark Random, 1.00

00:54:25.940 I have no problem with that. 0.99

00:54:28.020 I don't know about that at all.

00:54:28.760 That would be awesome to have chicks come up with stories. 1.00

00:54:30.680 Just don't say you're Mitchell Harper.

00:54:32.420 Yeah, yeah.

00:54:33.340 That's right.

00:54:33.920 I'm Mitchell Harper, man.

00:54:34.960 What you've got to do is you've got to just break up with them the next day over text

00:54:39.580 or something, and then it's on a one-night stand.

00:54:41.580 You've got to fall in love with them.

00:54:42.940 You've got to make them think you're really in love with them, so then they just veer

00:54:45.920 themselves away from you. 0.99

00:54:46.940 If there's a chick you're tired of fucking, you've got to be like, I love you. 1.00

00:54:50.600 I just thought about us having kids, and maybe we could leave it behind. 0.99

00:54:53.920 She never texts you again.

00:54:55.300 That is the only...

00:54:56.260 Actually, you're kind of right. 1.00

00:54:57.320 The only way to really get a woman to leave you like that is to be pathetic. 1.00

00:55:02.780 I'm going to be honest with you. 1.00

00:55:03.860 If you have money, that will not work.

00:55:04.500 I can't live without you.

00:55:05.400 I can't live without you. 1.00

00:55:06.440 If you do the opposite move and just do the shit where you fuck her and just leave, then 1.00

00:55:09.720 she'll... 1.00

00:55:10.200 She's going to be on your dick. 1.00

00:55:11.860 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:12.060 No, if you have money, that will not work.

00:55:13.860 I'll tell you. 0.99

00:55:14.140 She's showing up at your apartment, and you're going to catch a charge of some shit. 1.00

00:55:17.220 From my experience, it's important that you text them saying, like, I haven't heard from 0.99

00:55:22.300 you in two hours, and I'm thinking about killing myself.

00:55:24.620 That's the only way you get rid of them. 0.99

00:55:26.240 Wait. 0.99

00:55:26.780 So if you have money and you're just kind of pathetic, you still can't get rid of them? 0.99

00:55:32.340 Correct. 0.99

00:55:33.000 Oh, no.

00:55:33.360 Clint, are you talking about a friend that you thought... 1.00

00:55:36.220 A friend chick that would fuck you, but you thought she would be there if you were suicidal? 1.00

00:55:40.200 No, no, no. 1.00

00:55:40.680 I'm saying...

00:55:41.520 I'm just joking.

00:55:42.360 I've never actually done it.

00:55:43.200 I'm sorry.

00:55:43.340 I got sad. 0.98

00:55:43.920 It just seems like that would be a feasible way to scare a bitch off, to just be like, 1.00

00:55:47.960 I haven't heard from you in two hours. 0.99

00:55:49.260 I mean, you don't want to scare her, because then she might feel compelled.

00:55:51.780 So you just say, like, oh, I've been thinking about this. 0.99

00:55:53.860 No, but then that means you get pussy one more time. 1.00

00:55:56.400 Like, it's true. 1.00

00:55:56.840 Oh, yeah, you're right. 1.00

00:55:57.840 The issue is you're already getting pussy, Cole. 1.00

00:55:59.900 You don't have to trick her into it. 1.00

00:56:01.380 You're trying to get her to go away.

00:56:02.480 No, but you can see it dwindling, like a failed marriage.

00:56:04.380 I understand.

00:56:04.500 I've always tricked people to do it.

00:56:04.800 One night stands, they're like the microcosm.

00:56:07.620 Like, marriages fail in 10 years.

00:56:10.000 One night stands fail in, like, 10 days. 0.99

00:56:11.980 It's like Inception of Pussy. 0.99

00:56:14.020 Yeah. 0.99

00:56:15.960 What is this 10-day one night stand? 0.99

00:56:18.080 What the fuck is happening? 0.99

00:56:19.560 One night. 1.00

00:56:20.480 It's in the title. 0.67

00:56:21.980 You guys are driving me insane.

00:56:22.880 You just have an entire 10-year relationship in one night, is what I'm saying.

00:56:26.300 And then it's not a one night stand.

00:56:27.220 It's a one night stand you never talk to again, right?

00:56:29.760 That's the whole point.

00:56:30.440 How about this?

00:56:31.700 Question for the, I'm sorry for interrupting, question for the dudes. 0.72

00:56:34.320 How long can you have sex with a chick, and then you never speak to her, and how long 1.00

00:56:39.200 goes by before it's a new pussy again? 1.00

00:56:40.960 Or is it always just old pussy? 1.00

00:56:42.760 Ooh, that's a good one. 1.00

00:56:43.340 What do you mean?

00:56:44.000 Like, how long could you move?

00:56:44.980 Like, I had an ex from 2012 hit me up in 2019 saying, like, hey, you know, I'm single. 1.00

00:56:50.800 So I'm wondering, like, would that have been new pussy? 1.00

00:56:53.140 Because that was eight years, seven years. 1.00

00:56:54.560 I'll tell you, it'll feel different after nine years.

00:56:58.140 Has she had vaginal rejuvenation surgery? 0.93

00:57:03.660 Not since she was 12.

00:57:04.800 But I didn't know if it counted. 1.00

00:57:07.420 You're asking if a chick that you fucked before then comes back, if that's a new pussy? 1.00

00:57:11.780 No, how long the time goes by, or is it always going to be old pussy? 1.00

00:57:16.120 That's a good question. 1.00

00:57:16.880 Oh, if you've hit it before, is it old pussy? 1.00

00:57:18.600 But, like, if she messaged you. 1.00

00:57:20.340 If you've hit it before, it's old pussy. 1.00

00:57:21.880 But 10 years? 0.99

00:57:23.180 Like, if you guys were in your 20s, and she's, like, 33?

00:57:27.360 She's way better now.

00:57:28.520 She's way more experienced. 1.00

00:57:29.480 It's old pussy, as in, it's literally old. 1.00

00:57:32.160 I have a real story about this. 1.00

00:57:34.180 I had sex with the story when I was 19, and it was so good. 0.97

00:57:38.140 And then I had sex with her when I was, like, 32, and it was so bad. 0.98

00:57:41.420 It was, she, oh, God, I can't say that she did. 1.00

00:57:44.220 I would consider it old pussy, though. 1.00

00:57:45.920 Like, yeah, I get it. 1.00

00:57:47.740 It was good because, but it's still.

00:57:51.140 It was good because it was tight, and then later she was run through.

00:57:54.480 It's still just one tally mark.

00:57:56.560 I grant you it's just one.

00:57:58.540 Hold on.

00:57:59.140 Yes.

00:57:59.660 Jose, when you put your fingers, I thought you had colored your fingernails.

00:58:03.400 Yeah, what is that?

00:58:05.140 The way you had held it, it makes it look.

00:58:07.720 No, no, that's not how you held it.

00:58:08.960 You held it like this.

00:58:10.260 You look really healthy, Jose.

00:58:11.840 I'm proud of you.

00:58:12.900 But, uh.

00:58:15.180 His face was like.

00:58:17.720 I don't know what to make of this. 1.00

00:58:18.560 I see, though, if you were saying it was good because the amount of pussy you had before 1.00

00:58:23.600 was so small that then any above average pussy would be great. 1.00

00:58:27.900 And then whenever you get to another point. 1.00

00:58:30.220 It was just like loose.

00:58:32.120 Like, what does that feel like?

00:58:33.580 It was just blown out, dude.

00:58:36.460 It was super blown out.

00:58:38.640 Did she have a kid?

00:58:40.360 No.

00:58:40.800 Well, she had a mouth. 1.00

00:58:42.620 And that thing worked.

00:58:45.380 And you know what's weird?

00:58:48.080 Her head didn't get any better.

00:58:50.080 It was so good when she was young and it just didn't get any better. 1.00

00:58:53.360 But her pussy got so much worse. 1.00

00:58:54.880 And I was like, I'm never getting married. 1.00

00:58:56.840 Could it be your recollection of the pussy was distorted? 1.00

00:58:59.820 That's true. 1.00

00:59:00.820 Nostalgically.

00:59:01.300 I know you guys keep saying this. 0.97

00:59:03.340 I'm not fucking out of my mind. 1.00

00:59:04.640 Her pussy was tight. 1.00

00:59:05.900 And then it was blown out. 1.00

00:59:07.160 I'm not fucking. 1.00

00:59:07.760 Maybe your dick got smaller. 1.00

00:59:11.400 What Cole is saying is true, though. 1.00

00:59:14.160 It could have been like just mid pussy that you're like, this is the greatest thing in 1.00

00:59:17.380 the world. 0.99

00:59:19.160 That's fair.

00:59:20.080 I'll grant you. 0.98

00:59:20.580 It may not have been the best pussy I had in my life at the time it was, but it 1.00

00:59:23.280 probably wasn't. 0.99

00:59:23.860 When you're young, less experienced. 0.97

00:59:25.360 You're like, yeah, this is fucking awesome. 0.98

00:59:26.720 But 12 years later, it was horrifically bad. 0.98

00:59:29.820 So like, I'll give an example. 1.00

00:59:32.800 When Toad finally fucks a woman, it's going to be the best pussy he's ever gotten. 1.00

00:59:36.640 It doesn't matter who the woman is. 1.00

00:59:39.360 When random pays for a hunker for Toad. 0.99

00:59:41.460 It could be Madonna now, and it would be the best pussy Toad's ever gotten. 1.00

00:59:44.720 And when I go cash that $2 billion Powerball, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 0.97

00:59:48.560 Sure.

00:59:48.820 Some things are never going to happen, Cole.

00:59:50.660 And it's OK.

00:59:51.260 We don't have to pretend.

00:59:51.840 Brandon, what kind of girl would you hook Toad up with just looking at him?

00:59:56.220 Whatever he wanted.

00:59:57.920 Like, whatever.

00:59:58.740 Whatever.

00:59:59.560 He's unreasonable.

01:00:00.500 He's unreasonable.

01:00:01.140 You have to choose for him. 0.99

01:00:03.020 He wants a Jewish chick, obviously. 0.99

01:00:05.280 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:00:06.400 Are there Jewish prostitutes? 1.00

01:00:09.080 What? 0.99

01:00:09.660 No. 1.00

01:00:09.800 Are Jewish prostitutes, do they exist? 1.00

01:00:13.180 Well, I don't know. 1.00

01:00:13.860 Only in hell.

01:00:15.940 Because of the way their names are. 1.00

01:00:17.300 Of the other prostitutes. 1.00

01:00:18.720 They just fucking. 1.00

01:00:19.800 Well, I forgot my own philosophy. 0.99

01:00:21.560 You're joking there, but I just can't think of it. 0.92

01:00:23.220 Well, because of the way the Jewish chick's noses look. 1.00

01:00:24.920 There is something really.

01:00:25.900 There's a nugget in there that it's really good.

01:00:27.460 We used them all up last week.

01:00:28.920 We're out. 1.00

01:00:29.680 Because of the way the Jewish chick's noses look, I do call them all hookers. 1.00

01:00:33.240 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:00:34.180 That wasn't it, but damn it. 0.99

01:00:35.480 I liked it. 0.97

01:00:37.020 Sometimes we just tap it in.

01:00:38.460 Sometimes just a little tap of the ball.

01:00:40.220 It makes it go in.

01:00:40.840 It's a little phoned in, but, you know, I guess it passes.

01:00:43.420 I love how Jose goes, that wasn't it, but all right.

01:00:47.520 This show is just everybody critiquing my jokes, and that's it.

01:00:52.220 No, it's everybody being honest about your jokes, Tos.

01:00:55.900 It's not. 0.95

01:00:56.500 If they're good, we fucking all freak out, and we applaud. 0.88

01:00:59.160 So, like, we're not being haters here. 0.98

01:01:00.880 We need one of those duggers. 0.99

01:01:02.180 Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

01:01:03.860 We want to accurately incentivize you.

01:01:07.020 Dude, when this show blows up, we're going to have a whole drop panel,

01:01:11.080 and I'm going to have, like, 50 different incredible applause lines

01:01:14.320 whenever you hit a good joke. 0.94

01:01:15.600 It's going to be fucking right. 0.97

01:01:16.400 It's going to be like, Toad with a banger. 0.98

01:01:18.920 Toad's on fire.

01:01:21.700 Toad's on fire. 0.99

01:01:26.520 Those puns will be dusty as fuck, yeah. 0.98

01:01:35.480 By the way, with John Fetterman being a senator now, 0.97

01:01:39.460 do you think Mark Random finally had a chance?

01:01:41.780 That was not a segue at all, but cool.

01:01:44.340 But do you think Mark Random could now be a senator in the United States?

01:01:48.080 Of course.

01:01:48.600 Because of John Fetterman.

01:01:49.680 Did I say that?

01:01:50.820 No, he could have been anyway.

01:01:52.540 Fetterman broke the glass ceiling.

01:01:54.500 Yeah, I mean, this is paving the way.

01:01:57.500 That's what caused the stroke.

01:01:59.260 Well, did you see Fetter Mark was trending on Twitter?

01:02:02.940 They're all talking about his goiter, man.

01:02:05.160 First off, Random, do you even know who Fetterman is?

01:02:07.840 He's the guy in Pennsylvania that got elected.

01:02:09.960 And I promise you I didn't just Google that now.

01:02:12.240 But I am going to try to run for president in 2024.

01:02:16.620 I'm not trying to be insulting.

01:02:18.080 I might actually vote.

01:02:18.940 No, you can insult me. 0.99

01:02:20.080 I don't give a shit. 1.00

01:02:20.820 I just talked about fucking low-grade hookers. 1.00

01:02:22.980 There's nothing you can do to insult me. 1.00

01:02:23.800 Dude, I'll vote for Mark Random.

01:02:25.440 Okay.

01:02:26.020 Over Dave Smith.

01:02:27.460 The ticket I want to see is Smith Random. 1.00

01:02:29.900 Let's fucking vote. 1.00

01:02:30.420 Yes. 1.00

01:02:30.780 That's the bullshit is Dave Smith knows how good I am, like, intellectually and in debates. 0.99

01:02:36.180 There's just this stigma around me that he just won't let fucking go. 0.99

01:02:41.680 I'll debate him. 0.99

01:02:43.360 Oh, that'd be hilarious.

01:02:44.320 I would love that.

01:02:44.880 Dave Smith, I honestly, he helped me get back to, not to make it too serious, but helped

01:02:49.040 me get back to libertarianism because, because of the events that happened in the documentary

01:02:53.660 Who Killed Comedy, directed by Liz Durant on markrandom.com, is I did start sliding, like,

01:02:58.560 legitimately alt-right.

01:03:00.120 And then he did the debate with Richard Spencer, where they're like, well, the way to enforce

01:03:03.700 this is government power. 1.00

01:03:04.860 And I was like, fuck that. 1.00

01:03:06.240 And that moment I was out. 1.00

01:03:07.920 So I was really happy for Dave Smith.

01:03:10.880 You're like, I still don't want the Jews around me, but I don't want the state. 1.00

01:03:13.600 That's what I'm saying, I think, I think Mark should debate Dave on if Kanye is right.

01:03:20.500 That's it. 0.98

01:03:21.460 I'm telling you right now, Mark, you find a plausible fucking proposition for a debate. 0.99

01:03:26.420 I have one. 0.99

01:03:27.120 I will DM Dave.

01:03:28.620 I have one.

01:03:29.560 Set this up.

01:03:30.500 I have one.

01:03:31.180 I mean, I don't know if Dave will take me.

01:03:32.440 And I know, no, I know the one that Dave will take is, and this is going to be dark and

01:03:36.600 this will make you all sad.

01:03:37.660 So I apologize.

01:03:38.580 And I feel that for even taking this.

01:03:40.520 No.

01:03:40.880 If humanity can be manipulated, like vaccine and war, if they can be manipulated, do they

01:03:48.740 deserve to survive or do they deserve what they get?

01:03:51.720 Like the Jeff Bezos or like, you know what I mean?

01:03:54.820 I think about that every day.

01:03:57.080 I've thought about that consistently.

01:03:59.700 Because I know Dave Smith, Dave Smith's whole thing is championing for the human, for the

01:04:05.140 human race, for the greater good.

01:04:06.720 But I'm like, do they deserve to survive if you can trick them with like media tricks 0.99

01:04:11.940 and shit? 0.99

01:04:12.420 So I will have that debate with him. 1.00

01:04:14.720 Media tricks.

01:04:15.260 Who's pulling those?

01:04:16.280 I don't know.

01:04:16.880 I've wanted to have that debate with Lex Friedman.

01:04:19.500 Every time Lex Friedman tweets out something like, I want to have the most important debate

01:04:23.360 ever.

01:04:24.080 Like I tweeted that.

01:04:25.200 Like, you know, I just have to be known for.

01:04:27.340 So I have to have like a name.

01:04:28.660 And then these people have to acknowledge me.

01:04:30.900 I'm not even kidding.

01:04:31.920 Hidey up that proposition a little bit.

01:04:33.740 DM me.

01:04:34.280 I will.

01:04:34.580 I will DM Dave.

01:04:35.380 I've made a promise.

01:04:36.360 I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, but that's actually like, so the conspiracy theory behind that

01:04:41.260 is that it's, it's like a vampire theory where they have to, you have to, that's a great

01:04:46.920 comment.

01:04:47.540 Oh my God. 1.00

01:04:49.380 You have to throw yourself for that shit. 1.00

01:04:51.180 And I'll random use more of the boxcars. 1.00

01:04:57.000 You get what you deserve, you fucking idiots. 1.00

01:04:59.100 It's no, but the elite, the elites have that vampire theory where they believe like, if 1.00

01:05:03.660 you invite them in, in any form or fashion, they're allowed to do whatever.

01:05:07.880 So that's why David didn't happen.

01:05:09.980 So, but they use coercion. 0.99

01:05:11.460 Like they use things like they don't say you have to, they say you have to let us in or

01:05:15.840 your life is at stake or you won't have much. 0.94

01:05:18.200 Like they, they put, they fucking warp your mind or like simple mind people, like the 1.00

01:05:22.980 people with the vaccine, you're going to lose your job and your family scrutiny and you're 1.00

01:05:27.080 going to be homeless on the street and a virus is going to kill you.

01:05:30.020 No, no. 1.00

01:05:30.800 I'm saying, unless you take the vaccine, that's the bullshit they pull. 1.00

01:05:33.480 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:33.680 No.

01:05:33.860 He's saying that's, that's how they operate.

01:05:35.620 Yeah.

01:05:35.720 That's how they manipulate.

01:05:36.840 It's not just a, you have to invite them in.

01:05:38.840 It's, you know, yeah.

01:05:41.660 This is funnier since Cole walked back like nothing.

01:05:44.300 Yeah.

01:05:44.840 Yeah.

01:05:46.600 I have like 30 more minutes, maybe 45.

01:05:52.280 I've been in you for nine months.

01:05:53.860 You can't wait 30 minutes.

01:05:54.920 If she went into labor, I would continue the podcast.

01:05:58.060 That's whatever.

01:05:59.540 Have the baby on the podcast.

01:06:00.980 From experience, you could, you probably could do like three more podcasts if she's in labor. 0.99

01:06:06.380 You're fine.

01:06:06.660 Yeah.

01:06:07.360 I'll do, I'll do podcasts in there.

01:06:09.600 Podcasts from the delivery.

01:06:11.400 Podcasts from the delivery.

01:06:12.600 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:12.940 Get an Uber, bitch. 1.00

01:06:13.880 What are you going to do? 1.00

01:06:14.700 Divorce me? 1.00

01:06:16.860 Tie that shit down now, man. 1.00

01:06:18.520 I knocked you up. 1.00

01:06:19.720 And mop that shit up on your way out. 1.00

01:06:21.440 I mean, you've had a few kids. 1.00

01:06:23.200 I've had a few kids. 0.97

01:06:24.120 The whole like Hollywood bullshit of like, oh my God, I'm going to labor right now. 0.99

01:06:27.700 Let's go to the hospital. 1.00

01:06:28.560 It's retarded. 1.00

01:06:29.380 Like it really, usually it's a giant, like almost damn near 12 to day hour process of them contract.

01:06:35.820 Like you're having contractions and like, they know, like, they may, they may be like,

01:06:40.000 what is going on for a little while, but they figure it out if a little bit, usually as long

01:06:43.340 as I'm retarded.

01:06:44.380 I was worried.

01:06:46.920 She was, she was like, uh, because I, I went to go meet a guy for a job, but like, like 30

01:06:53.920 minutes away.

01:06:54.420 And she was like, what if I go into labor?

01:06:56.140 And I was like, I'll drive back.

01:06:57.760 Like, I don't know.

01:06:58.460 I was like, she was like, but I'll need to, you don't want to be here.

01:07:02.040 And I was like, I mean, I'll get back.

01:07:04.260 I'm not going to just miss it.

01:07:05.640 You'll go to the hospital or whatever.

01:07:07.300 You'll get there.

01:07:08.180 Someone will take you there or I'll come back and get you.

01:07:11.100 Like, it's not good.

01:07:12.240 This is the first one.

01:07:14.080 So she's pretty, she's like, she's worried about, she has all my second kid, we literally

01:07:18.640 spent the day at the park with our, our, our oldest and played around before the kid

01:07:24.220 came and we just kept an eye on their contractions. 0.86

01:07:26.300 That was literally it.

01:07:27.380 Yeah.

01:07:27.980 You go to the hospital too early.

01:07:29.420 You're just going to be there bored all day.

01:07:32.160 Yeah.

01:07:32.520 And yeah, you'll be, uh, in the, uh, home of the medical establishment. 0.75

01:07:36.680 So how much should I have sex before, uh, so that the baby will come as much as 0.53

01:07:40.540 possible.

01:07:40.840 Cause you're going to have to wait like three months to do it again.

01:07:43.280 You should do it during labor.

01:07:45.480 They say six weeks, but I feel like that's actually 12.

01:07:48.060 I think you're right.

01:07:48.720 Like that was what they, they, like you feel like when you hear that it's going to be awful, 0.99

01:07:52.440 but I'm telling you as sleep deprived as you're going to be, you're not going to give a fuck 1.00

01:07:56.100 about pussy. 1.00

01:07:56.880 You're not. 0.99

01:07:57.700 That's not true. 0.99

01:08:00.360 What are you, a fat dude? 0.99

01:08:03.140 Yeah. 1.00

01:08:03.860 Like I can sleep or I can get pussy. 1.00

01:08:06.020 And you're like, well, well, I've, I've, I've probably made that, uh, that, um, choice 0.99

01:08:11.820 before.

01:08:12.260 And I've chosen sleep.

01:08:13.660 It's different.

01:08:14.340 I've chosen sleep. 1.00

01:08:15.180 You're going to have to sleep before the motherfucker wakes up again. 1.00

01:08:17.360 Yeah. 1.00

01:08:17.760 Well, to bring that full circle, like you're, you're going to have to be, uh, masturbating 0.98

01:08:21.780 during that, uh, time span. 1.00

01:08:23.740 Do you think if a pregnant woman swallows cum, it might make the baby gay? 1.00

01:08:28.180 Yes. 1.00

01:08:29.920 There we go. 1.00

01:08:31.140 Well, I've also thought about what's, wouldn't it be more gay if you cum in her? 1.00

01:08:35.240 Because that's way closer and definitely could have a chance of reaching the baby. 0.99

01:08:40.680 No, but when it goes through the stomach, it can actually, it can actually get past the

01:08:47.480 blood brain barrier.

01:08:48.420 So that's, Oh Jesus.

01:08:50.100 So it's like, it's like a COVID vaccine.

01:08:53.080 Oh, because she digested it and then her body gives it to the kid. 1.00

01:08:56.860 So if a gay dude like Jeffrey Dahmer just cut up a woman's pussy and put it in front, 1.00

01:09:01.960 all those other gay dudes wouldn't have had a problem with it. 1.00

01:09:04.300 He'd been arrested immediately because the cops would be like, we don't have to worry 1.00

01:09:09.240 about this gay shit. 1.00

01:09:10.100 He's fucking a pussy ass. 1.00

01:09:12.020 Get him right now. 1.00

01:09:15.300 Sorry.

01:09:16.460 No, it's okay.

01:09:18.280 We're going a little weird there, guys.

01:09:21.420 Just the things I think. 0.98

01:09:23.440 We went to the, we went to the gyno and, or the fucking whatever doctor, the OBGYN. 0.96

01:09:28.160 And she was like, there are like two ways that are proven to stimulate, like to get 0.98

01:09:34.540 the birth to happen sooner. 0.97

01:09:35.960 One is stimulate the nipples and two is have sex. 1.00

01:09:38.720 And I was like, fucking fine by me. 1.00

01:09:42.240 Here we go. 0.96

01:09:45.060 Number one, John Fetterman fan in the building.

01:09:47.100 That is right.

01:09:48.040 Of natural scalpelists.

01:09:48.900 Welcome in, sir.

01:09:49.600 That's right.

01:09:50.340 We, we got him elected us on this show.

01:09:52.980 Dude, we are, you know, we're talking about how the libertarian party needs to be 0.99

01:09:56.780 kingmaker's fucking tower gang is the kingmaker. 0.99

01:09:59.480 I'm not going to lie. 1.00

01:10:00.120 The one guy we endorsed won.

01:10:02.300 I'm not going to lie.

01:10:03.500 Like, I feel like that made me question everything about the whole sagorism thing.

01:10:06.760 Like, the libertarian party is literally responsible for Fetterman being elected.

01:10:10.660 No, not anymore, dude.

01:10:12.160 No.

01:10:13.300 He got over, no, he got over 50% of the vote.

01:10:16.740 So it doesn't even matter.

01:10:19.900 He won by quite a bit, I think, right?

01:10:21.920 Like, he won by at least 3%, I think.

01:10:24.060 Yeah, he's got, like, 52% or something, and then the LP got one point, whatever.

01:10:29.080 See, this is the problem.

01:10:29.880 We could have ran a good libertarian candidate in that state and pulled three to be the difference,

01:10:34.280 but it didn't happen.

01:10:35.780 Dude, no.

01:10:36.420 Yeah, whoever that guy is, he's got zero.

01:10:40.340 Whoever that guy is, Eric Gerhardt, I've never met him, but he has zero excuse for not

01:10:45.560 polling at at least, like, 20% in that race.

01:10:48.220 Like, Jesus Christ.

01:10:48.600 Like, why do you not have a couple thousand followers on Twitter, and I know who you are?

01:10:53.380 But, Reed, they didn't allow him on the debate stage, man.

01:10:57.460 Dude, that's, I don't know.

01:10:59.720 Isn't Dave Smith running, though?

01:11:01.560 Did he say that, or?

01:11:02.840 No, he hasn't said it.

01:11:04.160 He's not said it, yeah.

01:11:05.680 We do not know.

01:11:06.880 Our number one man right now is none other than Chase Oliver.

01:11:11.460 He is the best the Libertarian Party has to offer at the moment.

01:11:14.760 That is awful. 1.00

01:11:15.380 Goddamn. 0.99

01:11:17.700 Well, 2% also. 1.00

01:11:19.240 Now, other than just, like, saying gay shit, like, what has he actually done? 1.00

01:11:24.120 Like, I, because someone was asking. 1.00

01:11:25.540 Oh, I thought you were going to say, like, other than saying gay shit. 1.00

01:11:27.840 He's not that bad. 1.00

01:11:28.760 You're like, other than saying gay shit. 1.00

01:11:30.620 No, no, no. 1.00

01:11:31.040 He doesn't say gay shit. 1.00

01:11:32.480 He does gay shit. 1.00

01:11:33.800 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:34.180 But I don't care about any of that.

01:11:35.780 I'm saying, someone was asking me, because I said he's not a good representative, because

01:11:39.100 I've seen him just, like, basically, you know, do the whole rigmarole with, like, 12 shots,

01:11:44.580 and he's just constantly taking shots at Dave. 0.99

01:11:46.200 So, I'm trying to figure out, like, what the fuck is this? 0.95

01:11:49.000 Like, is there any specific policies that we could actually go, like, and stuff? 0.96

01:11:53.800 He used to say on his Twitter, like, like gender, politics is non-binary.

01:11:59.860 That was on his profile for a while.

01:12:01.880 And finally, the guy's like, Chase, you got to get rid of that. 0.98

01:12:04.440 That's, like, too gay. 1.00

01:12:05.100 Yeah, and he was, oh, good. 0.89

01:12:06.760 So, the LP told him to do that?

01:12:08.900 All right.

01:12:09.380 Yeah. 0.99

01:12:09.580 He was too gay for the LP. 1.00

01:12:10.940 Can you imagine being so gay, the LP's like, dude, chill. 0.98

01:12:13.920 Well, I know that he likes inserting things into himself, but he was promoting the fact 0.94

01:12:20.460 that he got the vaccine quite a bit as well, so.

01:12:22.860 Oh, he's one of them.

01:12:23.880 All right.

01:12:24.100 Yeah. 0.93

01:12:24.560 I actually respect gay people a lot more than people that inject themselves with vaccines. 0.93

01:12:29.080 Do you think Mark would die if he got the vaccine?

01:12:31.540 Me?

01:12:32.400 Yeah.

01:12:32.760 Yeah.

01:12:33.200 Like, immediately.

01:12:34.720 I feel like Mark is the cure to the vaccine.

01:12:38.020 Oh, so he would counteract?

01:12:39.740 He's the actual antidote.

01:12:41.060 Yeah, he would actually, yeah, he would.

01:12:42.320 You know, the. 1.00

01:12:43.400 Holy shit. 1.00

01:12:44.500 You might put the blood out and give that to people. 0.99

01:12:46.400 Do you know what level of antibodies must be coursing through randoms veins right now?

01:12:50.740 Oh, my God.

01:12:51.380 No, you don't need just antibodies.

01:12:53.040 You need to reverse the genetic mutations that are caused by the vaccine, and maybe Mark

01:12:57.920 has the DNA that can do that.

01:12:59.720 How do I get this to someone? 1.00

01:13:01.380 Because I just fucking do stand up, and I'm a no-name fucking loser. 0.98

01:13:05.280 You never did anything like, how do I get my. 1.00

01:13:07.600 According to Toad, if you cum hard enough, you'll just blast blood out of your leg. 1.00

01:13:11.420 Yeah, you can just start cumming and then jerk you off. 0.99

01:13:13.340 No, but like, if I go get blood work, will they test if I have some, like, magical cure 0.99

01:13:17.520 from the world?

01:13:18.940 No.

01:13:19.160 The only cures that they actually market are Pfizer products, so no, unfortunately.

01:13:24.400 Was anybody ever poor enough to go get plasma?

01:13:27.720 I tried.

01:13:28.720 No.

01:13:29.480 I tried, but they were like, you have all of the STDs.

01:13:33.140 Please get out of here.

01:13:35.280 Dude, they check pretty, they do a thorough check of if you have, like, STDs. 0.98

01:13:40.760 Well, yeah, because a bunch of fucking innocent children got AIDS in the 80s because they 0.98

01:13:44.600 were just like, we don't know what's going on. 0.99

01:13:47.020 We need plasma. 1.00

01:13:48.020 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

01:13:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:49.340 That was Fauci's fault, so.

01:13:51.900 Dude, but they're like, let's see your toes.

01:13:54.000 I'm like, why didn't you see my toes?

01:13:54.900 They're like, well, because they shoot heroin in between.

01:13:56.720 I was like, Jesus Christ.

01:13:58.140 They're like, yeah, all the time.

01:14:00.440 He was like.

01:14:00.880 Wait, did you do this because you were broke?

01:14:02.880 I was in college.

01:14:04.020 I actually paid for Elizabeth.

01:14:04.760 Wow.

01:14:04.780 It wasn't even a doctor.

01:14:06.720 I paid for the engagement ring for Elizabeth through giving plasma.

01:14:12.080 Wow.

01:14:12.400 How much did they give you?

01:14:13.960 Yeah.

01:14:14.360 I was making 300 bucks a month or more, 350.

01:14:17.580 That's pretty good, yeah.

01:14:18.620 Instead of bootstrapping, that's strapping up.

01:14:21.200 Yeah.

01:14:22.260 I never called through with it, but I tried because I was a legit drug addict at that

01:14:26.220 point.

01:14:26.540 So donating plasma, you make more than donating sperm.

01:14:32.600 That's interesting.

01:14:34.340 Now you do do it.

01:14:35.300 I am very, I'm actually really afraid because I was doing it twice a week for, I mean, for

01:14:42.260 I guess four and a half years.

01:14:44.180 I have track marks on my, it's really hard to see probably on here, but I do have track

01:14:50.080 marks from where they put.

01:14:51.500 You did it for four and a half years?

01:14:53.640 Yeah.

01:14:53.980 All through college.

01:14:54.980 That was a science. 1.00

01:14:55.860 Holy shit. 1.00

01:14:57.280 I've been testing. 1.00

01:14:58.160 It was too retired to realize.

01:15:00.100 How expensive was that ring? 1.00

01:15:02.580 Holy shit. 1.00

01:15:03.240 Everybody thinks it's a ring. 0.99

01:15:04.040 By the way, it wasn't all for the ring.

01:15:05.960 I had a portion of it for the ring.

01:15:08.260 Just so weed.

01:15:08.300 Just so weed.

01:15:09.280 Why?

01:15:09.840 That's so long.

01:15:11.580 When they were taking your blood, did they pin your eyes open and make you watch crazy 1.00

01:15:15.160 shit? 0.99

01:15:16.980 Or they tried to get it out of a clockwork orange? 1.00

01:15:19.780 Yeah.

01:15:19.980 Everybody thinks that random is the MKUltra test subject.

01:15:23.180 No, it was me.

01:15:24.220 Did you live in a cabin and ship pipe bombs to people? 1.00

01:15:28.560 Are fucking cool? 1.00

01:15:29.840 Are you? 1.00

01:15:30.820 Oh my God.

01:15:31.340 You wrote a 40 page manifesto.

01:15:33.700 You should have made her ring out of blood. 0.99

01:15:36.000 That would have been fucking hardcore. 0.99

01:15:36.800 Well, we call it the blood diamond. 0.99

01:15:39.600 We call it the blood diamond.

01:15:41.380 But like, because what I was doing was, I mean, I was a poor college.

01:15:44.820 I did work during college, but I worked for the college.

01:15:47.420 So it went directly to my tuition.

01:15:50.600 So any other money I got.

01:15:52.780 You're like a next level God.

01:15:54.400 You turned blood into gold.

01:15:56.500 I did.

01:15:57.540 That's incredible.

01:15:58.280 I mean, Jews do that with all our wars. 1.00

01:16:00.140 White gold. 1.00

01:16:01.340 Oh, damn. 1.00

01:16:02.680 That's right. 1.00

01:16:03.540 So it's a ghost.

01:16:06.660 All those feelings.

01:16:08.260 Oh my God.

01:16:09.280 Wait, are you laughing at what I said or what Mark said?

01:16:11.180 I couldn't really.

01:16:11.900 Did you hear what Mark said?

01:16:13.140 No, that was a funny one.

01:16:16.600 What did Mark say?

01:16:17.700 He said, I said, you turned, you were like the next level of Jesus.

01:16:21.500 You turned blood into gold.

01:16:22.360 And he said, that's what the Jews do with war. 1.00

01:16:26.620 I was like, holy shit. 1.00

01:16:28.380 That is correct. 0.99

01:16:29.600 No, I literally, I would go because it would get me.

01:16:33.140 I'm trying to think it was 25.

01:16:34.660 So it was like 60 bucks a week.

01:16:37.440 I would get.

01:16:38.120 Um, and I used it for like twice a week. 1.00

01:16:42.140 They give you 30 bucks a fucking. 0.98

01:16:44.000 It was, it was, it was $25 and $35. 1.00

01:16:46.680 So you, that's how you would get it. 0.99

01:16:48.400 Why the fuck is it a different price? 0.98

01:16:50.320 Because they want you to come back the second time. 1.00

01:16:53.300 Holy shit. 1.00

01:16:54.300 Yeah. 0.99

01:16:55.660 I, I threw up twice.

01:16:57.580 I've thrown up.

01:16:58.220 I also had, uh, multiple times because what they do, if you never give them.

01:17:02.200 Do you think that's why you can't like formulate sentences?

01:17:04.740 Cause you like.

01:17:05.220 Oh dude, I know.

01:17:06.520 I'm legitimately worried about what this has done for me. 0.99

01:17:09.380 Holy shit. 0.99

01:17:10.100 To my body. 1.00

01:17:11.120 Because that's what happened to Fetterman too.

01:17:12.940 Dude, yeah.

01:17:13.380 John Fetterman just donated a ton of plasma.

01:17:15.960 Plasma.

01:17:16.660 That's what I was saying.

01:17:17.780 Plasma.

01:17:19.580 Plasma.

01:17:19.900 Whenever they give, whenever you give plasma, so you, you take your blood out and they pull

01:17:24.320 it through, uh, basically a centrifuge and they, and then they give your blood back.

01:17:28.640 Well, multiple times when they're giving the blood back, if they do it wrong, it will like

01:17:33.360 either pop a blood vein or it will release blood and like just, and I had it happen two

01:17:39.460 or three times where I did it for four years.

01:17:43.560 Elizabeth was doing it as well. 0.70

01:17:45.380 And she has permanent damage from, uh, a blood vessel popping. 0.84

01:17:51.020 Oh my God.

01:17:51.820 Uh, yeah.

01:17:52.520 It's, and I had, I saw a guy.

01:17:54.900 Clint just baffled at how poor you are.

01:17:58.220 This is actually hurting me the most.

01:18:00.840 I'm like, you did it for $60.

01:18:03.960 That is such a pittance of money.

01:18:05.720 And then at the end of the month, you would get it.

01:18:07.500 If you did it, uh, eight times in a month, you would get another, you would get an extra

01:18:10.560 $80 bonus.

01:18:12.380 So that's what I did for drugs.

01:18:14.180 This is sad.

01:18:14.880 It's like, it's like the, uh, subway, uh, sub club basically.

01:18:18.220 Except it was blood eight times a month for $320 and you did it for four and a half years.

01:18:25.480 You made like five grand and you almost killed yourself. 1.00

01:18:28.760 It's the stupidest shit I've ever heard in my life. 1.00

01:18:30.580 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

01:18:31.740 Dude. 1.00

01:18:32.080 And I'm telling you, it was packed every fucking night. 0.99

01:18:36.860 I go there and it was. 1.00

01:18:37.820 Yeah, we're drug addicts.

01:18:38.420 Not people.

01:18:39.240 Oh yeah.

01:18:40.020 Oh, it was drug addicts.

01:18:42.200 You were keeping all of them alive.

01:18:43.580 It was, you're the only healthy person.

01:18:45.800 Dude.

01:18:46.540 I'm telling you, it was, uh, it was so bad.

01:18:49.560 And I saw people pass out.

01:18:51.260 I saw a guy.

01:18:52.560 I was the person.

01:18:53.180 He's having PTSD like he was in Nam.

01:18:57.740 It's all coming back.

01:19:00.140 Turn green.

01:19:01.260 I saw a face turn actual green.

01:19:04.860 It was because he, uh, he was like, he didn't eat.

01:19:07.720 He was in the, it was on a Saturday.

01:19:09.140 I remember it because it was in the morning and he didn't eat or drink before it, which

01:19:13.260 is the worst thing you can do. 0.99

01:19:14.380 And he went and he fucked his face turned green and he passed out while he was giving 1.00

01:19:18.800 and they had to come in there and like fucking help him walk out. 1.00

01:19:21.400 He fell down. 0.99

01:19:22.180 Dude. 0.99

01:19:22.580 I, that I had so many stories from fucking giving plasma. 0.98

01:19:25.360 Like it was such a, like a weird part of my life. 0.97

01:19:28.780 Four and a half years at that rate is $17,280.

01:19:32.500 That is not enough money to obviously damage the brain.

01:19:36.080 And I am legit scared that I'm going to get cancer.

01:19:39.120 I'm going to get some type of like weird blood cancer or bone marrow cancer because I was

01:19:45.280 stripping my body from plasma, which is like very important. 0.99

01:19:49.700 Real quick, the answer is pussy. 1.00

01:19:51.840 Dude. 1.00

01:19:52.000 Hey, Cole, Cole, real talk, real talk.

01:19:54.720 You would probably be a couple inches taller had you not done this to yourself.

01:19:57.380 That's not true.

01:19:57.920 I was already done that.

01:19:58.560 You wouldn't be as funny.

01:19:59.280 You wouldn't be as funny.

01:19:59.960 No, no, no.

01:20:00.500 That's true.

01:20:01.420 That's true.

01:20:02.620 But I would, multiple times I would give plasma and I would have.

01:20:06.300 It does explain the weird proportions of.

01:20:08.280 Yes.

01:20:08.700 It's like midget proportions. 0.97

01:20:10.200 They took, they took all of the plasma out of you along with the HGH.

01:20:13.140 It took it all over his legs.

01:20:14.960 So it's a long arm, big torso, and the legs. 1.00

01:20:18.440 The blood went right back into his ass. 0.99

01:20:20.160 I was going to say, they must have been injecting it there. 1.00

01:20:23.840 Well, multiple times I wouldn't give plasma.

01:20:28.000 So that's literally taking away like the part of your blood, which helps it flow.

01:20:31.940 And then I would go play a football game.

01:20:33.880 Like a legit.

01:20:35.180 Yeah.

01:20:36.020 This happened multiple times.

01:20:37.860 You definitely have CTE.

01:20:39.640 My God.

01:20:40.260 I would also.

01:20:41.000 What state?

01:20:41.700 What state was this in?

01:20:42.660 Everything.

01:20:43.700 Yes.

01:20:44.280 Florida.

01:20:45.040 Yeah.

01:20:45.320 Yeah.

01:20:45.800 This is the most Florida, like, like lower middle class story I've ever heard in my life. 0.98

01:20:50.280 And I am fucking so bothered. 0.95

01:20:52.360 It's not that Cole won't read. 0.98

01:20:53.640 It's that he can't read.

01:20:56.440 He's like, I learned about libertarians through memes because books are just funny shapes.

01:21:01.420 Because my eyesight has been destroyed from lack of vitamins.

01:21:10.140 I endorse Cole for a U.S. Senator, by the way.

01:21:13.380 Dave Smith is right to call you a retard. 1.00

01:21:16.500 I saw he said fuck you on the stream today. 1.00

01:21:19.160 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:21:19.580 I got two questions answered.

01:21:20.940 Cole is going to be weirdly our in to Legion of Skanks. 0.56

01:21:24.960 Like, because he's the one who's actually weirdly come up the most.

01:21:27.620 Dude, I am a part of Legion of Skanks lore, by the way.

01:21:32.080 Like, I am legit into, like, I am Fat Dave.

01:21:34.620 It's true.

01:21:35.080 When I was at Skank Fest and I was walking around, they'd be like, aren't you Clint from

01:21:38.680 Libby Lacton? 0.99

01:21:39.180 I'm like, yeah. 0.99

01:21:39.900 They're like, where the fuck's Fat Dave at, man? 0.96

01:21:41.780 Like, that guy's a legend. 0.98

01:21:43.180 They just kept asking me, but they didn't want to talk to me.

01:21:45.480 You're Fat Dave?

01:21:47.020 Yeah.

01:21:47.660 Oh, wow.

01:21:48.520 What are you doing?

01:21:49.740 What's wrong?

01:21:51.620 Whoa, I only heard about you.

01:21:53.300 It's so strange meeting you in real life.

01:22:00.080 You don't look at all like a Fat Dave Smith.

01:22:03.520 Yeah, I have already, which it might, I know Elon said, don't do all the, you're not, in

01:22:10.960 no way it's getting their account back yet, but I did try already and that got denied again.

01:22:16.000 So.

01:22:16.380 What did you get?

01:22:17.060 What did you get?

01:22:18.720 Showed for anyway?

01:22:19.780 What was it?

01:22:20.840 The three C's.

01:22:21.820 It didn't, no, it was, uh, this one was different because it was the second time and I was,

01:22:28.060 I was spending that day because it was like national women's, like women in STEM day or

01:22:36.540 some shit like that. 1.00

01:22:37.300 It was something stupid. 1.00

01:22:38.540 Dude, now every time, every time you say a sentence slowly, all I can think about is 1.00

01:22:42.140 the plasma that was taken from me.

01:22:43.980 It is breaking my heart right now.

01:22:47.040 I just, I just think of John Fetterman.

01:22:49.160 Every, every time there's a second, a second gap in his sentences, I'm just like, oh, this

01:22:54.000 poor mother. 0.99

01:22:54.460 By the way, uh, I used to, me and Elizabeth used to go get plasma and go fuck afterwards. 1.00

01:22:58.900 And I shot two loads, dude. 0.99

01:23:01.460 I shot massive fucking loads. 1.00

01:23:04.680 All dehydrated and shit. 1.00

01:23:06.640 Just fucking still going at it. 0.99

01:23:08.020 Like, yeah, they pumped, they pumped the blood, they pumped the blood right back into Cole's 1.00

01:23:16.340 penis. 1.00

01:23:16.940 Yeah, man. 0.64

01:23:17.340 That's what was going on. 0.99

01:23:18.480 My blood was all thick, and so it would go to my dick and just thick it up real nice 0.99

01:23:23.060 and hard. 0.99

01:23:26.340 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:23:27.220 Holy shit. 1.00

01:23:28.040 You know that, like, extra thick blood also courses through your brain, and it might cause 1.00

01:23:32.380 some side effects.

01:23:33.200 Uh, nah.

01:23:35.780 Clint, that also, why do you think Cole is like John Fetterman?

01:23:39.160 It's because they both had strokes as a result of this. 0.99

01:23:41.640 He's like, eh, but dick hard. 0.98

01:23:45.060 What's hilarious is I'm the one on the show who's had a stroke, so. 0.92

01:23:48.780 Um, if, like, there's been any studies linking-

01:23:52.840 The stroke of genius, Toad, or what?

01:23:55.380 Yeah, well, I had an actual one as well, but yeah.

01:23:58.400 No.

01:23:59.380 We were talking about the dude that had the stroke on your show the other day, Reed. 1.00

01:24:04.920 Dude, fuck that guy. 1.00

01:24:07.000 If I had known he was going to turn out to be such a little fucking bitch, I would have 1.00

01:24:10.520 left that stream up on YouTube so everyone could watch it and just- 0.99

01:24:14.500 Dude, you should clip it.

01:24:15.540 There's no way you deleted the source file.

01:24:17.100 Come on.

01:24:17.380 It was like two years ago.

01:24:19.980 I don't, I don't think I still have it.

01:24:21.980 Random.

01:24:22.380 A dude literally had a seizure on his show. 1.00

01:24:24.680 It was the greatest shit ever. 1.00

01:24:25.720 And he ended up being a piece of shit later, which made it like, why did you keep this? 1.00

01:24:29.920 Why was he, what made him a piece of shit? 1.00

01:24:32.340 His existence. 1.00

01:24:33.340 He hates Top Lobster's art, and anyone who has-

01:24:36.680 I did. 0.99

01:24:36.840 Top Lobster's art is instantly trash. 0.59

01:24:39.260 I did a drawing of him because he was going to be on a show that I draw for. 0.68

01:24:43.100 A drawing.

01:24:44.380 A drawing.

01:24:44.860 Which show would that be?

01:24:45.960 I have no idea.

01:24:46.380 That means when you put him in a drawer.

01:24:48.240 Yeah. 0.99

01:24:48.960 And he like, he wanted me to like re-edit his shit. 0.97

01:24:52.060 He kept on sending me like glamour pics. 0.98

01:24:54.100 And then he was like, everything's great.

01:24:54.380 He wanted you to add a mustache, right?

01:24:56.100 Yeah.

01:24:56.380 It's great, but can you please add a mustache?

01:24:58.480 And he drew his own mustache over. 0.99

01:24:59.240 Yeah, he had to look like the faggot that he is, so he needed a mustache on there. 1.00

01:25:02.820 What's this guy's name? 1.00

01:25:03.920 Who's this?

01:25:05.760 Trent Ortner.

01:25:06.660 Yeah, that's it.

01:25:07.260 Yeah.

01:25:07.440 Trent Ortner. 1.00

01:25:08.420 Yeah, fuck him. 1.00

01:25:10.040 JC said most of the cum that went to Elizabeth back then was just the saline. 1.00

01:25:13.740 That's 100% true because they did, the last thing they did, they would pump you full of

01:25:17.400 saline to like replenish your fluids.

01:25:20.160 Good God.

01:25:20.720 Yeah, it was, and that's why I was always wondering because I, I raw dogged it for the

01:25:26.460 entire time.

01:25:27.040 How many, how many years was it from the time you stopped giving blood to the time you got

01:25:30.540 her pregnant? 0.86

01:25:32.480 Ever since we got married. 1.00

01:25:34.300 I don't, I don't know how long that is, motherfucker. 0.99

01:25:36.100 I mean, that's like almost four years. 0.99

01:25:38.860 So it'd be three years.

01:25:40.360 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:40.620 See, that's how long it took for your fucking sperm to kick back on. 1.00

01:25:43.320 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:44.640 I was shooting blanks because some fucking, some fucking kid. 1.00

01:25:50.140 And Africa is, is getting shot up with all my sperm from, from my plasma giving. 1.00

01:25:55.680 Good God, dude. 0.98

01:25:56.820 That's the craziest story ever.

01:25:58.260 Like, do you guys, am I the only one that never had any friends that just gave blood for

01:26:01.660 four and a half years?

01:26:02.800 It was, it was very common around where I was at.

01:26:05.780 I think it's the length of time that makes it crazy.

01:26:08.320 The four and a half years.

01:26:09.640 Yeah.

01:26:10.320 It's like, get a job.

01:26:11.400 What do you do?

01:26:12.520 You're doing your privilege right now, Clint.

01:26:14.140 I would have to get a second job.

01:26:15.800 It was either like, get a second job or do this for like an hour a night.

01:26:19.680 Like two nights a week, an hour and a half.

01:26:22.040 And I was like, I'll sell my body.

01:26:24.280 I legit, I'll sell my body.

01:26:26.840 I don't care.

01:26:28.040 Like I get, I get, and it was really just laying in a bed.

01:26:32.240 It's a cause of blood.

01:26:33.480 I would get my earbuds and I would watch a movie or something or YouTube and like give, 0.98

01:26:39.720 and then just fucking sit out. 0.87

01:26:41.200 It's just, it's, it's not even that you were doing it. 0.99

01:26:42.840 Cause it's like, it's a nice gesture.

01:26:43.980 It's the compensation that just galls me. 0.97

01:26:46.780 Oh, the compensation is retarded. 0.99

01:26:48.440 It's so bad.

01:26:49.960 Did they know you were doing this?

01:26:51.420 Do you think there's $2,000 plasma people and they just realized they could get you for

01:26:56.640 like 60?

01:26:59.340 A $2,000 plasma.

01:27:01.540 I used to have one of those in my home.

01:27:02.580 It's with Clint at the hotel.

01:27:04.140 It's 100% because if you look up how much plasma is worth, it's a ridiculous amount of money. 1.00

01:27:10.680 And they're just like paying people pennies and then selling it for a fucking dick. 1.00

01:27:14.780 He came back again. 1.00

01:27:16.120 You got to pull the mark trick and just like, just completely divert away from any talk about

01:27:19.840 price.

01:27:20.600 Once they're about to poke you, be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:27:24.740 500, right?

01:27:26.360 After they take your blood. 0.57

01:27:28.060 And the needles right there, it's already there.

01:27:29.800 So they probably will.

01:27:30.980 What's bad is getting kicked out of a plasma place because your plasma was not good enough.

01:27:37.020 That happened twice.

01:27:38.300 I almost had to stop giving because they were like, get out of here, play.

01:27:42.340 Your plasma is all used up.

01:27:45.900 What it was is they would kick you out if your plasma was too fatty.

01:27:49.660 And I would be like, I was a college student.

01:27:52.660 Yo, that's where Fat Dave came from.

01:27:54.280 Hell yeah. 0.94

01:27:55.000 I was fat plasma, baby. 0.93

01:27:56.540 I was a college student.

01:27:57.700 I was eating chicken tenders and ranch.

01:28:00.100 And they were like, and they would see it.

01:28:02.460 And it was, and it makes you realize just what happens.

01:28:07.140 Part of the plasma.

01:28:08.800 Plasma Dave. 1.00

01:28:10.100 You're not loading part of the floor like a fucking retard. 1.00

01:28:12.920 And I'm like, what are you doing? 1.00

01:28:14.760 You're like, this motherfucker's on death's door and he's back here again? 1.00

01:28:18.040 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:28:19.140 Fucking wolfing down the KFC bucket. 1.00

01:28:21.240 You can 100% see who ate good and who was like healthy. 0.99

01:28:26.760 Because, I mean, all the, it's a bottle.

01:28:28.680 This was a government program, Cole.

01:28:30.800 It's just, you paid them to do it.

01:28:36.540 Cole's just like, he's walking through the KFC line and then he goes right back into the plasma place. 1.00

01:28:40.640 He's just doing a fucking bear belt in this motherfucker. 1.00

01:28:43.300 I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I usually, it was so funny. 1.00

01:28:46.300 I would get $25.

01:28:48.300 There was a Taco Bell within walking distance of this plasma place.

01:28:52.640 I would go to every time after it and spend $15.

01:28:57.440 That's why I was getting over half the money.

01:29:00.860 I got to keep my daughter off OnlyFans and my son out of the plasma bank.

01:29:08.180 The Taco Bell is probably like 30 tacos.

01:29:13.540 What's more embarrassing, your daughter on the pole or your son on the plasma?

01:29:22.520 I honestly don't know.

01:29:24.260 I'd be like, yo, I got to disown you now.

01:29:26.780 This is insane. 1.00

01:29:27.500 You've been doing this for how long, you fucking little dick? 1.00

01:29:30.500 Did you tell your parents about this? 1.00

01:29:31.740 She's making money on this pole. 1.00

01:29:32.700 Oh, yeah, but my parents do.

01:29:33.880 My parents do the entire time.

01:29:35.420 See, now I don't have respect for your parents. 0.98

01:29:37.180 This is fucking up my whole opinion of you, Doug. 0.96

01:29:39.280 Well, because they were like, you work at the school. 0.96

01:29:41.560 I mean, like, I didn't get a second job.

01:29:43.840 And so it was just, I mean, you know, at some point you just got to sell drugs.

01:29:47.560 Like, random was right.

01:29:48.640 Like, sell drugs.

01:29:49.660 Like, there's more. 1.00

01:29:50.740 There's respectful fucking agorist past. 0.99

01:29:52.980 And this ain't it, chief. 0.98

01:29:55.780 Dude, I did the most libertarian thing.

01:29:58.160 I sold my body.

01:29:59.420 I sold the only thing that I own.

01:30:02.780 That's right.

01:30:03.440 We're supposed to promote sex work around here. 1.00

01:30:05.920 So I do.

01:30:07.300 In Cole's case, I do promote that.

01:30:09.340 Oh, my God.

01:30:10.160 We're at like an hour and a half.

01:30:11.620 I don't think we hit any of the topics we meant to. 0.97

01:30:14.140 No, we hit John Fetterman and we hit pregnant sex. 1.00

01:30:18.820 I'm so glad we skipped all other conversations and just focus on your plasma. 0.92

01:30:24.080 It's the greatest.

01:30:25.200 It's the most.

01:30:25.840 Like, I'm going to I'm going to think about this for weeks.

01:30:28.160 Like, this is incredible.

01:30:29.000 I'm telling you, it was it was one of the most interesting things, though, because you

01:30:36.260 literally would see the poorest of the poorest.

01:30:39.320 I'm talking to people.

01:30:40.600 You would leave Taco Bell. 1.00

01:30:43.420 They would leave their fucking shopping cart outside of the plasma spitter. 0.99

01:30:51.120 So you're doing this with homeless people for four and a half years. 1.00

01:30:55.340 And the entire time you're thinking to yourself, I'm better than these people.

01:30:58.240 Yes, I got paid more.

01:31:01.880 I got paid more than the homeless people.

01:31:03.220 Because they were heroin addicts.

01:31:06.280 I'm saving up for a ring.

01:31:07.420 That's why I'm here, bro.

01:31:08.380 And actually, the Taco Bell was actually right next to the plasma place.

01:31:12.900 If the homeless people got rejected, they killed them and ground them off.

01:31:18.340 They'd go and eat them. 0.98

01:31:21.840 Push the toad button. 0.58

01:31:24.020 Push the toad button. 0.58

01:31:25.200 He made a good joke.

01:31:26.520 Toad with the banger.

01:31:28.240 I'm telling you, the workers knew who I was.

01:31:34.680 I was on a first-name basis with most of the workers.

01:31:37.040 Of course.

01:31:37.940 Of course.

01:31:38.500 If you spent enough time here to have multiple marriages and divorces in the time you spent there. 0.98

01:31:44.520 It's fucking insane. 0.93

01:31:46.140 I am so concerned about your problem-solving ability. 0.99

01:31:50.840 I feel like Cole was doing this for a while.

01:31:53.440 And then he finally told Elizabeth.

01:31:55.600 And he's like, yeah, you should totally come and do it, babe.

01:31:57.440 And she just kind of went and followed him.

01:31:59.520 She didn't want to do it.

01:32:00.660 She did it, too.

01:32:01.420 She made money.

01:32:02.980 It was the only way I could afford gas money and food.

01:32:06.520 That's what I used it for.

01:32:08.140 Until I bought the ring.

01:32:09.220 And now, by the way, the government has Cole and his wife's blood. 0.99

01:32:12.740 He dragged this bitch into MKUltra. 1.00

01:32:15.940 Dude, I sold pot in college and I made $300 a week. 1.00

01:32:19.520 And I didn't cause myself any fucking brain damage, brother. 0.99

01:32:21.920 You got to sell drugs sometimes. 1.00

01:32:23.440 Do not ever do that again, Cole.

01:32:24.960 I am so concerned for you.

01:32:25.900 Oh, I'm never going to do it again.

01:32:27.260 And I'll tell you, Dickie Walnuts, who is our producer or whatever,

01:32:30.960 he did it after he was married.

01:32:33.160 He was doing it longer than I was.

01:32:35.300 And he only did it out of one arm.

01:32:37.640 That was the one.

01:32:38.540 I squeezed arms every time.

01:32:40.540 He used the same arm.

01:32:42.260 And have you met Dickie?

01:32:43.700 Have you met Dickie? 1.00

01:32:44.320 Both you motherfuckers are slow as shit. 1.00

01:32:46.120 This is incredible. 1.00

01:32:46.960 This is so crazy.

01:32:48.280 This is so crazy.

01:32:51.400 And the funny thing is the whole sense of superiority aspect

01:32:54.360 even makes more sense with Dickie.

01:32:56.180 I could totally see him being like, 1.00

01:32:57.700 look at these fucking pieces of shit. 1.00

01:33:02.740 Look in there like his shit done. 1.00

01:33:04.420 I legit. 0.99

01:33:05.740 And the funny thing was there was also,

01:33:07.620 there was two different plasma places,

01:33:09.380 two different companies.

01:33:10.440 And we thought of ours as the like more upscale one than the other one.

01:33:16.360 You guys go hit both of them and you're like,

01:33:18.660 because there's some state law that says you can only donate twice a week. 1.00

01:33:21.400 And you're like, nah, bitch. 1.00

01:33:22.600 We're donating four times a week. 1.00

01:33:24.160 Nah, nah.

01:33:24.620 Daddy got a brand new bag.

01:33:26.400 Place around the black on the good orange juice.

01:33:28.440 We can go over there.

01:33:29.620 You have to give them a different name at the other place.

01:33:32.580 Oh, my God.

01:33:33.040 They're committing like a felony just to give more of their plasma away. 1.00

01:33:36.300 And they're just walking around like the fucking zombies. 1.00

01:33:39.200 And they're just like, take more. 1.00

01:33:41.240 And they're just right back at the Taco Bell.

01:33:42.420 It's a surprise I graduated college. 0.98

01:33:44.520 It's a surprise that I didn't fucking either die or like I. 0.97

01:33:48.040 Yo, this is the best story ever. 0.97

01:33:50.800 God bless you, man.

01:33:52.300 And again, I think the craziest thing was watch.

01:33:55.040 You could tell what people have eaten that the day before or the day of.

01:33:59.020 Yeah, Taco Bell.

01:34:01.060 Yes.

01:34:02.240 Because they've got the wrapper on their foot.

01:34:05.240 Their plasma is a different color.

01:34:06.880 And the funny thing, you know that Family Guy joke where they pull up and they see if a person is a terrorist or good or bad.

01:34:14.980 They had the shades.

01:34:15.720 They would bring out that thing for plasma.

01:34:19.800 They would be like, they were like, is it too fat?

01:34:22.640 And they would bring out and they'd put it up against it.

01:34:25.020 And they'd be like, no, if you've got to go.

01:34:27.100 And they would be like, we'll pay you for whatever you're given.

01:34:29.080 But like, it was like, and it was, it's very different.

01:34:31.720 There's different colors.

01:34:32.040 Cole had the white plasma.

01:34:33.920 They rejected it.

01:34:34.600 No, it was all yellow and red and orangish.

01:34:38.380 And then if it was like really fatty, it would be like, it would just be gross.

01:34:42.040 It would come.

01:34:42.460 But dude, it was, it was, I've legit like figured out the perfect way on how to give it very fast.

01:34:47.640 Because if it, it would, it was God.

01:34:50.660 And it hurt.

01:34:51.740 That's the other thing.

01:34:54.060 Do you know why? 0.99

01:34:55.660 It's because after you fucking inject the same vein 50,000 times, it starts to like calcify. 1.00

01:35:01.800 This is the whole reason that heroin addicts use their fucking toes and their nuts. 1.00

01:35:05.080 And I don't think I wish you might. 1.00

01:35:07.280 They're also draining blood out.

01:35:08.560 Anybody that wants to know, go and look up the size of needle they use.

01:35:13.140 It is.

01:35:14.080 No, I'm telling you, it is the largest needle you've ever seen in your life.

01:35:18.080 I can actually say, I can actually vouch for this because I had jumper's knee because I'm not a poor.

01:35:22.800 I went and I got employment rich plasma therapy where they suck my blood out. 0.70

01:35:26.400 They fucking centrifuged it up and then they injected it back into my kneecaps, like right underneath my kneecaps. 0.99

01:35:31.440 And that needle was huge and it hurt like a son of a bitch. 1.00

01:35:34.060 It hurts like a bitch. 1.00

01:35:35.960 And I did it twice a week for four years. 0.99

01:35:40.580 I did it three times and I was like, and I paid $550 each time.

01:35:44.500 I would, it was bad because I, at least I got to start where I was drinking.

01:35:48.740 I would drink a lot of water the day of, so I would be nice and hydrated because I wasn't, it would.

01:35:53.600 It doesn't just like, it's not like it would, it's not like you're giving, it's sucking. 0.73

01:36:02.280 It's pulling out.

01:36:03.060 You can feel the blood getting like, it would like almost sometimes it would be like it's slurping, but it gives you the myth in your arm.

01:36:11.720 Oh dude, it was the, it was, and I used to, I used to work out. 0.93

01:36:15.800 I used to go to the gym and you have, you still have the fucking bandage on your arm.

01:36:26.180 For a top tier on our Patreon, $80, $80 a month, guys. 0.94

01:36:31.520 And we will recall, was there camaraderie like, you know, the factory things like, oh, we're going to give plasma today.

01:36:39.500 Like between the other guys, were you like blood brothers?

01:36:42.280 I, the only reason I ever went was because a friend of mine was like, hey, want to come with me?

01:36:47.940 And I went with him.

01:36:48.860 Most of the times, I, we used to carpool.

01:36:50.520 Why is everybody asking you that?

01:36:51.840 We would carpool to the plasma place together.

01:36:54.300 Four or five guys would get into a truck.

01:36:56.220 So you never had one friend that was intelligent enough to just look at you guys and be like, hey, let's sell weed.

01:37:03.820 No one ever said that?

01:37:05.800 I had a buddy that sold Adderall.

01:37:08.300 I had a buddy that didn't sell Adderall, but he never like wanted to share his practice with me.

01:37:11.740 I forgot, did you say your wife did it or did someone just make that joke? 1.00

01:37:15.920 So is that like a family thing now?

01:37:17.580 Like she told her family members, like her sister or son, hey, sell plasma.

01:37:21.360 And now it's just in your lineage, all selling plasma.

01:37:25.000 Here's the funny part.

01:37:26.020 I told my sister to go and give plasma and she, she went and did it.

01:37:29.160 She was out in California and she went and was there for like two and a half hours and she couldn't actually give.

01:37:35.600 But she, for some reason, her blood didn't come out very well. 0.99

01:37:38.480 She comes out and she didn't have to be like, fuck this. 1.00

01:37:43.100 She's like, wait, $25? 1.00

01:37:44.800 Are you out of your mind? 1.00

01:37:46.580 It's like, get out of my way, bitch. 1.00

01:37:48.840 She comes out of the plasma place and a fire truck, I hit a car. 0.99

01:37:53.280 So, it was like one of the worst days ever for her because she was like, it was super painful.

01:38:02.340 I didn't even give a full thing.

01:38:03.860 They did pay me.

01:38:04.780 They actually, they felt bad.

01:38:06.120 They felt bad because I was there for two hours.

01:38:08.840 And then I walk out and my car had just gotten hit by it.

01:38:12.260 $12.50 an hour. 0.98

01:38:13.360 I just want you to fucking really think about that. 0.98

01:38:15.100 They still have to pay you even if you don't perform, so. 0.94

01:38:19.540 All right, guys.

01:38:20.420 We're over an hour and a half. 0.98

01:38:21.480 You guys ready to wrap and get the fuck out of here? 0.98

01:38:23.820 Yeah. 0.98

01:38:24.300 Yeah.

01:38:25.300 Reed, you got a plug?

01:38:26.540 Were you on another show?

01:38:28.800 I was recording on Kyle Matovic's show with a couple other people. 1.00

01:38:32.880 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:38:33.480 This, that came here. 1.00

01:38:34.360 What are you talking about? 1.00

01:38:35.980 Yeah, fuck Kyle. 1.00

01:38:37.020 What the fuck? 1.00

01:38:37.980 What's the name of the show again? 1.00

01:38:39.000 I forget.

01:38:39.800 In Liberty and Health.

01:38:40.900 Have you been on it?

01:38:41.920 Yeah.

01:38:42.120 Yeah.

01:38:42.820 I thought it was called See Kyle.

01:38:44.620 I just wanted to give him a plug.

01:38:46.580 Have you seen Kyle?

01:38:47.700 He's about this tall.

01:38:51.160 Go ahead, sir.

01:38:53.380 Yeah.

01:38:53.680 I mean, I just wanted to give my, I'm sure you guys talked about it already, but I'm just

01:38:58.240 really, really, you know, there weren't a lot of wins for Liberty nationwide yesterday,

01:39:03.340 but Fetterman making it into the Senate just really, you know, that really means a lot to

01:39:08.800 me, and I'm really glad that he made it.

01:39:09.720 Dude, he shows that retards can accomplish anything, so. 1.00

01:39:14.620 Dude.

01:39:15.440 Literally anyone will stand a chance.

01:39:17.580 Cole stands a chance.

01:39:17.600 Cole stands a chance.

01:39:21.420 Cole stands a chance.

01:39:22.620 I, I, I, I've had to tell, I've had to tell, uh, like, oh.

01:39:27.380 You gave blood so many times, Doug.

01:39:29.040 That is so crazy.

01:39:29.760 I would go to, like, interviews, like, because I would get a job, and I would be like, and

01:39:33.700 I would wear, you know, just a regular sick shirt, and I'd be, I would be afraid because

01:39:37.460 I legit, it's a track mark.

01:39:39.220 It's a legit track mark on both my arms.

01:39:41.680 Quick, quick math.

01:39:42.680 Check this out.

01:39:43.540 52 weeks in a year, twice, twice a week.

01:39:46.340 That's a hundred and a hundred and four, four and a half.

01:39:49.220 That puts you at four hundred and sixteen plus a hundred and four.

01:39:53.920 Let's say four hundred and seventy times. 0.99

01:39:55.360 Basically, five hundred fucking times you gave plasma, brother. 0.99

01:39:58.520 You are so lucky to be alive. 0.99

01:40:00.680 And I'm happy that you, I'm happy that you survived, honestly.

01:40:02.820 Because, like, you, you bring a lot of joy to my life, and I, I, I legit, but the funny

01:40:07.180 thing was, I did see, it looked like white-collar workers coming in there as well.

01:40:12.520 Like, legit doctors.

01:40:12.740 Cole makes us all feel better about ourselves.

01:40:14.620 I, I, I, I feel like I used to see a doctor.

01:40:16.580 You are the John Vetterman of Target.

01:40:19.480 David, you're the more random of this world.

01:40:21.100 David Reddy did say, I would say I have to sell Adrenochrome if he could.

01:40:23.340 I wouldn't be surprised if there was a, I don't know, I can't remember exactly what

01:40:26.360 Adrenochrome is, but I wouldn't be surprised.

01:40:27.720 Did they ever, did they ever, like, like, shoot off guns right behind your head and try

01:40:30.880 and startle you before they took the blood?

01:40:32.820 They're using Cole's blood to, uh, uh, be ageless.

01:40:38.180 That's what's going on. 0.99

01:40:39.160 I used to be a faggot about it, too, because I used to get cold in there. 0.98

01:40:42.160 So I would bring a hoodie, and I would wear the hoodie only on, like, one arm. 0.99

01:40:46.580 Oh, so you would look like a homeless person.

01:40:48.360 Awesome.

01:40:48.580 And then I would also bring a blanket until I got so hot that I threw up mid-giving, and

01:40:54.880 they were like, you still good to go?

01:40:56.040 And I was like, yeah, I'm good.

01:40:57.980 They took the puke away, and I finished.

01:41:00.980 Keep it going.

01:41:02.820 I need my 30 bucks.

01:41:04.620 This story is unbelievable.

01:41:07.120 And I believe it, but it's just, it's an unbelievable story.

01:41:09.980 Throwing up mid-giving, I guess.

01:41:11.720 I used to, uh, because our Wi-Fi at school.

01:41:13.760 I still get paid, right? 0.99

01:41:16.920 He's like, he's like, fuck, I just threw up 15 bucks worth of Taco Bell. 0.99

01:41:20.120 I'm gonna have to get blood again. 0.99

01:41:21.120 I used to, uh, our Wi-Fi at the school didn't allow you to download games.

01:41:28.820 Did they give you cash, or was it a check?

01:41:32.080 They would save you your own debit card.

01:41:34.180 They get $10,000.

01:41:35.560 They get $10,000. 1.00

01:41:41.020 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:41:41.900 They gave the Russell Simmons credit very far. 1.00

01:41:44.880 And Cole forgot the phone.

01:41:45.420 I spent it all in one spot, kid.

01:41:47.620 Cole forgot the phone.

01:41:48.600 It's horrible.

01:41:49.740 Imagine if that didn't pay for the wedding ring. 1.00

01:41:53.260 All right.

01:41:53.560 He's like, hold on one second.

01:41:54.580 I can't, I can't.

01:41:59.980 All right, we gotta, we gotta end the show.

01:42:01.360 That was too good. 1.00

01:42:01.800 Holy shit. 1.00

01:42:03.220 That was too good. 1.00

01:42:04.540 Holy fucking shit. 1.00

01:42:06.000 Ray, give us your plug. 1.00

01:42:07.160 This is how it's no longer game plasma.

01:42:08.860 I had to get a replacement card.

01:42:11.620 Because the strip was worn out.

01:42:14.900 The card.

01:42:16.160 The card you can buy.

01:42:18.120 It fell apart.

01:42:21.360 The actual, the slip.

01:42:24.580 Was it a stamping?

01:42:26.780 Was it like stamping?

01:42:29.200 The magnetic strip actually broke.

01:42:31.840 Just so you know, if your prepaid debit card, because of your plasma donations, gets worn out, so do your veins.

01:42:40.080 They are toast. 1.00

01:42:43.700 Holy shit. 1.00

01:42:45.340 What the fuck? 1.00

01:42:50.260 Oh, you are such a loser. 1.00

01:42:51.720 For a god damn glorified gift card. 1.00

01:42:57.100 He didn't do it for a glorified gift card. 0.98

01:42:58.980 He did it 480 times for a glorified gift card.

01:43:02.240 All right, we're done.

01:43:03.240 All right, Mark.

01:43:04.100 Mark, please.

01:43:04.720 Give me the plugs.

01:43:06.620 Markrandom.com, a mental health comedy advice series, Dark Nights with Lizzie Durazzo.

01:43:12.100 And she also directed the documentary, Who Killed Comedy?

01:43:14.480 And you can see my latest real-ass podcast appearance with Luis J. Gomez and Mike Figgins.

01:43:18.800 They put it on the YouTube, though.

01:43:20.360 Oh, the documentary, not the real-ass podcast.

01:43:23.280 Oh, I was going to say real-ass podcast. 0.99

01:43:24.320 That's pretty fucking baller, dude. 0.99

01:43:27.940 Mark, you saw just making women across here with them, Mike. 0.99

01:43:29.560 And then tweet at the Legion of Skanks to have Mark Random on.

01:43:32.880 The peep, the fans of the show, tweet at that, because they know I'm good. 0.97

01:43:36.340 For whatever reason, they don't fucking, they have something. 0.96

01:43:39.180 I don't know what it is. 0.99

01:43:40.340 But tweet at that. 0.96

01:43:41.020 Luis J. Gomez is really fucking cool. 0.97

01:43:42.840 And tweet at, I hate that I did my head like a chick. 0.98

01:43:45.500 I've just been taking drugs, and I need to eat something.

01:43:48.080 But I'm like Cole's body system right now.

01:43:52.900 No, but just tweet at the Gas Digital fan base.

01:43:56.420 Hopefully, I'll be on more.

01:43:57.440 And I love this show.

01:43:58.520 I love you all.

01:43:59.360 Clint, Jose, Toad, Top Lobster, Cole, Fetterman.

01:44:03.720 I love you all.

01:44:05.840 Weird homeless guy at the bottom.

01:44:06.840 And thank you guys for having me. 0.97

01:44:08.060 It's always fucking fun.

01:44:09.200 I love it. 0.95

01:44:09.540 We really appreciate it.

01:44:10.760 This was one of my favorite episodes ever.

01:44:12.320 Clint Russell, Liberty Lockdown, at Liberty Lock Pod. 0.98

01:44:14.600 I am verified, so you now have to pay me to follow me, you pieces of garbage. 0.99

01:44:19.500 Ha ha. 1.00

01:44:20.160 Hell yeah.

01:44:21.360 Top Lobster, underscore on Twitter, toplobster.com. 1.00

01:44:24.380 Everywhere I'm also verified, so fuck you. 1.00

01:44:26.760 Podcastmerch.com. 1.00

01:44:27.920 Go buy some shit. 1.00

01:44:29.780 There is such a, it's so fun just to pretend like you're like hot shit. 1.00

01:44:34.520 Because you got $8 a month right now. 1.00

01:44:36.880 I am hot shit right now. 0.99

01:44:38.220 You can't let me be otherwise. 0.99

01:44:39.320 Like, it's totally less than buying Netflix. 1.00

01:44:41.920 Well, you're just paying Twitter to fuck you, so. 0.99

01:44:44.440 I'll be better than the rest of you here soon. 1.00

01:44:47.060 But I'm Jose.

01:44:47.340 I'm going to give Plasma and buy everybody a free. 0.98

01:44:50.320 What the fuck up? 0.97

01:44:51.260 I'm doing plugs. 0.99

01:44:51.940 Oh, my gosh.

01:44:54.380 I have a No Way Jose show.

01:44:55.760 You can find me on YouTube.

01:44:56.460 I'll make your odd pocket as well.

01:44:58.020 I just had Royce Lopez of Day Wave and Revenge of the Sis with Ike Klin on as well.

01:45:04.660 Top and who else am I forgetting?

01:45:07.100 No, that's it.

01:45:07.940 Yeah, and Royce.

01:45:08.300 No, I couldn't make it.

01:45:09.720 Yeah, Reed didn't make it.

01:45:10.900 So, you know, it happens.

01:45:13.180 Yeah, a lot.

01:45:14.520 We'll see.

01:45:14.680 We'll see another one coming soon.

01:45:15.680 That was a fun one.

01:45:16.400 We had a lot of fun in that episode.

01:45:17.580 So, definitely go check it out.

01:45:19.240 Are you working again, Reed?

01:45:21.080 Soon. 0.99

01:45:21.680 But I was just, the election, I had tons of shit going on. 0.99

01:45:24.660 Yeah, for me, just go Google John Fetterman fracking. 0.99

01:45:30.780 That's all I want you to do.

01:45:34.440 Compelling arguments both for and against.

01:45:36.940 Exactly.

01:45:38.260 Yeah, TPH underscore Toad.

01:45:40.440 Tower of Power Hour, obviously.

01:45:42.380 And we'll be back next week with another episode.

01:45:45.880 We're coming up on episode 100 pretty quickly.

01:45:48.760 This is a great way to end it.

01:45:50.220 I love it.

01:45:50.340 Oh, yeah.

01:45:51.420 I was going to refer.

01:45:52.700 Oh, stop. 1.00

01:45:53.240 Fuck you, Dickie. 1.00

01:45:55.800 Fuck you, Dickie. 1.00

01:45:58.260 And for all our younger listeners out there, sell drugs, don't give blood. 1.00

01:46:03.480 Yeah, don't give plasma. 0.87

01:46:05.080 And we're out.

Tower Gang - November 12, 2022

Ep 96 - Part of the Plasma w⧸ Mark RanDoM

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