Tower Gang - Ep 97 - Jew Jitsu w⧸ Adam Nutter

00:00:00.000 I want to tell you to keep the faith.

00:00:03.180 Oh, do you ever watch a stupid movie late at night hoping it's going to get better,

00:00:06.020 don't get better, but you keep watching it anyway?

00:00:08.320 Because the other night, the other night I was watching this movie,

00:00:11.000 I was watching this movie called Fright Night, Freak Night, or some type of night,

00:00:14.460 but it was about vampires.

00:00:15.860 I don't know if you know vampires are some cool people, are they not?

00:00:18.600 But I'm going to tell you something that I found out.

00:00:20.660 A werewolf can kill a vampire.

00:00:22.120 Did you know that?

00:00:23.200 I never knew that, so I didn't want to be a vampire anymore.

00:00:25.180 I wanted to be a werewolf.

00:00:26.200 But then anyway, as I'm watching this movie, and they can tell you how stupid it is

00:00:30.160 because it's one in the morning.

00:00:31.360 So I'm watching my TV, or these kids watching their TV, or a vampire kill on their TV.

00:00:38.140 So you know it's kind of stupid, but I'm still watching, though.

00:00:40.140 As I'm watching this show, what was funny, these kids had a vampire in their attic at their house.

00:00:46.100 So they were watching their TV.

00:00:48.560 Now I'm watching my TV, they're watching their TV, or they see the vampire kill on their TV.

00:00:52.680 So they win this contest to bring this actor.

00:00:54.840 Now y'all got to stay with me.

00:00:56.360 Bring this actor, who's a vampire killer, from their TV to get rid of this real-life vampire,

00:01:00.780 and they're at it.

00:01:01.860 So as this actor comes to their home, he got all the right stuff.

00:01:06.100 He got all the right stuff because you've got to have a state,

00:01:08.820 and you've got to have a thing to kill him in the heart.

00:01:11.140 And he got a necklace of garlic, because that worked.

00:01:13.580 I don't know what it does, but it worked.

00:01:14.960 You've got to have a cross, because it burned.

00:01:16.600 I know that worked.

00:01:17.560 And then all of a sudden, this is what was so funny about it.

00:01:19.700 As they're walking through the house, this guy's got the holy water.

00:01:23.920 He's blessing the house, this actor.

00:01:25.320 Now, he's all fake.

00:01:26.600 He's blessing the house with this holy water.

00:01:28.460 They walked upstairs, and this vampire looking real good in this black suit.

00:01:32.260 Whoa, that sounds like Senator Warnock, doesn't it?

00:01:34.280 Looking all good in this black suit, floated from the ceiling.

00:01:37.620 He floated from the ceiling looking good and cool.

00:01:40.320 And I'm thinking, whoa, they better get out of that house.

00:01:42.480 If somebody float from your ceiling, get out of that house.

00:01:44.820 That's not your house.

00:01:46.180 But as he floated from the ceiling, the kid jumped behind that hero.

00:01:49.420 As they jumped behind that hero, the guy jumped in front of him with this holy water, threw it on the vampire's forehead.

00:01:53.780 He covered his eye.

00:01:55.560 And he took his hand away.

00:01:57.140 He started laughing.

00:01:58.580 And he said, that don't work.

00:01:59.640 He took the cross.

00:02:00.660 He put it on the vampire's forehead.

00:02:02.220 And the vampire didn't even do anything.

00:02:03.880 He said, that don't work.

00:02:05.100 And that's the way it is in our life.

00:02:06.320 It doesn't even work unless you've got faith.

00:02:08.440 It is time for us to have faith.

00:02:09.920 We've got to have faith in our fellow brother.

00:02:11.940 We've got to have faith in this country.

00:02:13.220 We've got to have faith in the elected officials.

00:02:16.000 And right now, that's the reason I'm here.

00:02:17.800 Because God and...

00:02:18.640 God, black people are better at everything, aren't they?

00:02:23.780 Is Herschel Walker Blade?

00:02:26.280 Yeah.

00:02:28.400 Def Jam comedy really fell off in the last couple of years.

00:02:32.280 That was fucking miserable.

00:02:33.940 Your audio is going nuts.

00:02:35.420 It's just me or Sop's audio is going nuts.

00:02:37.940 Oh, he's going insane.

00:02:39.080 But welcome to Tower Power Hour.

00:02:40.680 This is episode number 97.

00:02:43.900 Three more to 100, where we do nothing special at all.

00:02:46.320 We've got some great people tonight.

00:02:48.740 We've got Adam Nutter in as our guest.

00:02:50.940 He's coming off of his show that just happened.

00:02:53.920 I'm pretty sure...

00:02:54.780 Literally, the Cult of Us podcast.

00:02:56.880 Yes, sir.

00:02:57.900 The Last of Us.

00:02:59.120 The Last of Us podcast.

00:03:00.820 That's that video game they turned gay in the third installment of it or something.

00:03:04.000 Yes.

00:03:04.360 That's the one with the vampires and the werewolves.

00:03:06.720 Yeah.

00:03:07.820 We've got Top.

00:03:08.840 We've got Toad.

00:03:09.460 We've got Jose.

00:03:10.400 And, of course, me, Cole, Fat Dave.

00:03:13.060 How's everybody doing tonight?

00:03:14.360 It's been a great week.

00:03:15.860 It's been a fun week since the last time we saw everybody.

00:03:20.020 Dude, I've got to say, that video.

00:03:22.480 Awesome.

00:03:23.020 I love that.

00:03:23.480 I haven't been paying attention to Walker at all.

00:03:25.200 I didn't really know much about him, but I love the guy.

00:03:27.780 That reminds me of my kids telling a story, but if they were actually good, entertaining.

00:03:32.540 You know what I mean?

00:03:33.540 It kept your attention, but while telling their stupid fucking story, it meanders all over the place.

00:03:37.820 Or a woman.

00:03:38.580 Yeah, or a woman.

00:03:39.400 Like if a woman actually still kept the same structure of their story, but worked on their showmanship.

00:03:46.220 No, no.

00:03:47.980 I think it's different because Walker actually commands the attention, whereas a woman definitely would not do that.

00:03:53.380 Yeah, because he has a 30-inch neck.

00:03:56.000 Oh, I thought you were going to say something else.

00:03:57.900 Yeah.

00:03:58.040 That dude, that reminds me of the black guy that's about to retire from your job, and he's like, you know what?

00:04:04.620 Little white boy, sit down.

00:04:05.720 I'm just going to talk to you about shit for no reason forever.

00:04:08.100 Bro, I had one of those.

00:04:09.720 I worked at a wastewater facility, and there was a legit – it was so weird.

00:04:14.540 This guy, it was a black dude, and he worked maintenance at a wastewater facility, and I worked under him.

00:04:18.560 And all he did every day was paint.

00:04:21.120 Literally just painted hydrants, painted the fucking facilities.

00:04:23.940 But that was the laziest motherfucker I ever knew.

00:04:26.720 He would literally just be like, no, let me tell you how to work, all right?

00:04:29.860 He was like, you don't work hard, man.

00:04:33.200 You just do your shit, and you just take it as long as you can.

00:04:36.360 And the other funniest thing was like this guy was apparently like a millionaire.

00:04:39.620 He was working at a waste – a shit factory is what he was working at.

00:04:43.860 But he would like roll up in his like new Corvette.

00:04:47.340 He was just like – he like made money because it's like his wife died and like a settlement.

00:04:52.700 He bought – he bought – it was just so – such a fucking rich black person thing to do.

00:04:59.120 He bought a recording studio to record rap.

00:05:02.640 But he's not – he doesn't rap, but he just – like it was just – he was a great guy.

00:05:07.420 But like I mean it was one of the easiest jobs I ever had because he taught me how to not work.

00:05:12.780 And that was such a great thing to do as like an 18-year-old on a summer job.

00:05:17.700 Dude, David Brady in the chat just asked a really retarded question.

00:05:20.720 Fetterman versus Walker who wins in MMA.

00:05:23.060 That's dumb.

00:05:23.920 That's literally –

00:05:24.880 Walker blows him the fuck out.

00:05:26.640 Now, here's the –

00:05:27.140 Fetterman was a professional football player.

00:05:28.940 Fetterman was like Lurch from fucking Adam's family.

00:05:31.380 He's just big.

00:05:33.340 He's a big, goofy guy.

00:05:34.360 He's always a rich football player.

00:05:35.760 He was known as one of the most athletic football players ever to live.

00:05:40.500 Walker has some MMA fights.

00:05:43.620 Walker is actually – he's a boxer at least I'm pretty sure.

00:05:47.200 He did MMA for sure.

00:05:48.480 That's right.

00:05:48.940 Yeah, so I think Walker would win this, but Fetterman definitely weighs more than him.

00:05:53.700 Fetterman also has retarded strength.

00:05:55.500 I think me and Adam could beat – like not like together as a team, but individually could beat up Fetterman.

00:06:01.480 Well, they both –

00:06:02.180 I'm not so sure about Cole.

00:06:04.080 You know what?

00:06:04.500 Top can.

00:06:04.960 I know Top could.

00:06:05.720 I don't think Fetterman goes down.

00:06:08.200 I don't think Fetterman – he just will not like –

00:06:10.240 That's why I only pointed out the guys who actually have some sort of martial arts knowledge here.

00:06:14.700 Because with the big guy, there are some obstacles, but if you do know what you're doing, you can –

00:06:19.940 I just don't think he gets knocked out.

00:06:23.460 Like you could hit him in the head so many times, but it's literally just – there's nothing in there.

00:06:27.560 You know what he has?

00:06:28.560 You ever see like a beluga whale's head?

00:06:30.580 How it's like extra blubbery?

00:06:33.040 That's what his head looks like.

00:06:34.260 A beluga whale head.

00:06:35.260 He's wearing a retard helmet under his skin.

00:06:38.280 It's actually pretty crazy.

00:06:40.220 It's just – it's permanently in there.

00:06:41.740 You can't – you could have hurt his head.

00:06:43.480 If you just kept punching him in the face, it just would be like – it would be nothing to him.

00:06:46.940 I think he 100% would go down.

00:06:48.160 You go for his legs.

00:06:48.780 You've seen his legs.

00:06:50.260 Like you just need to know how.

00:06:51.660 If you have wrestling knowledge, anything –

00:06:53.260 You know those Bob dolls?

00:06:55.020 That's what he looks like.

00:06:55.820 He looks like a living Bob doll.

00:06:57.080 You just like to punch.

00:06:58.060 It's like that fucking – it's like that mannequin doll you punch.

00:07:01.480 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:02.320 Oh, you're talking about – but that guy's like –

00:07:03.380 They're called Bob.

00:07:03.880 Oh, I'm with the head, the face, the head.

00:07:06.780 Oh, I thought you were supposed to have sex with them, no?

00:07:09.740 Dual purpose, Toad, you know?

00:07:12.020 Oh, all right.

00:07:12.660 I don't know what part of it you're having sex with.

00:07:14.700 You cut a hole.

00:07:15.580 We'll figure it out.

00:07:16.540 Yeah, like the belly button.

00:07:18.260 Just fuck the belly button on this Bob doll.

00:07:20.400 I punch it with my dick, right?

00:07:22.760 We're talking about martial arts here.

00:07:24.220 Toad's so out of his element.

00:07:25.400 He's just like, where can I throw in an inappropriate joke?

00:07:29.600 He's never even seen one of these things.

00:07:31.320 Well, anything that you can say about Fetterman, though, as far as the advantages that he has,

00:07:36.260 besides the fact that I think he's a little bit bigger than Walker, you can say the same thing about Walker.

00:07:40.480 Like, they're both retarded, so they both have retarded strength.

00:07:43.720 Walker is stronger because he's a trained athlete.

00:07:47.000 Just because Walker's lower on the bell curve doesn't mean he's retarded.

00:07:50.360 That's because he's naturally lower.

00:07:53.720 That's not correct, Toad.

00:07:55.360 Also, Toad, I just want to say this.

00:07:57.760 For the Bob doll, you could also, like, beat the shit out of it just like you do other women whenever you fuck them.

00:08:03.240 So, it's basically, it's just practice.

00:08:06.020 And you don't have to worry about, you know, whining afterwards.

00:08:08.520 That's Travis laughing at David Brady, saying I banged a CPR dummy's mouth.

00:08:16.440 Hey, who hasn't?

00:08:17.380 Why are they open all the time?

00:08:19.180 They're enticing.

00:08:19.520 What else are they for?

00:08:21.140 I mean, I'm not going to kiss it.

00:08:23.680 What, am I going to blow air in there?

00:08:25.420 They told me that was part of getting certified, man.

00:08:27.520 What do you want?

00:08:29.600 Dude.

00:08:29.860 It was just running through my head all the things I'm trying to think of that I tried to fuck as, like, an adolescent.

00:08:34.940 Like, can I fuck this?

00:08:36.960 Yeah.

00:08:38.400 Couch cushion, that's, I think, a stable for every young boy.

00:08:41.080 Yeah, I never fucked anything except for my hand.

00:08:44.520 Except I did once fashion my own pocket pussy with the whole, like, glove.

00:08:49.000 Like, the latex glove with two sponges in a cup.

00:08:56.960 I did that whole thing.

00:08:57.880 I just heard about a prison pussy where you tie two of those surgical gloves together with hot water.

00:09:05.760 You fill it with hot water and tie them together, and then you could fuck it like a butt.

00:09:09.840 Yeah.

00:09:10.720 That's basically what I did, except it was with two sponges.

00:09:16.160 I love it how your default of, like, something a man would fuck is a butt.

00:09:21.640 Like, yeah, you fuck it like a butt.

00:09:24.260 Well, I'm thinking prison gay sex.

00:09:25.780 I don't know.

00:09:26.220 I'm just going with the theme, guys.

00:09:27.880 You guys just hear my head goes whenever I think about fucking something.

00:09:31.100 Well, Adam has the experience, man, so don't fucking knock me from my fucking past victors.

00:09:37.100 It would be so funny, though.

00:09:38.180 In prison, you just, your mind totally changes.

00:09:40.660 Like, I only fuck ass now.

00:09:42.200 That's it.

00:09:42.720 Like, even when I'm thinking of, like, when I'm masturbating and I'm thinking of something,

00:09:47.220 it's still a dude's ass that I'm fucking.

00:09:49.000 It doesn't matter.

00:09:49.800 Gashon, what's up?

00:09:51.840 Oh, did you see that story?

00:09:54.480 I saw something.

00:09:55.280 It was, like, this trans, like, it was, like, an OnlyFans trans woman.

00:10:01.380 Like, got in trouble.

00:10:03.020 Oh.

00:10:03.200 And actually, and got sent to a man's prison.

00:10:07.880 Like, it should.

00:10:09.260 But it had, like, she, he, it had fake tits.

00:10:14.600 So, it was a dude with fake tits and looked like a woman, long hair, going to a man's prison.

00:10:21.440 Like, he is getting real.

00:10:22.740 Wait, wait, hold on.

00:10:23.440 This is the important question.

00:10:25.000 Was that person into dudes?

00:10:27.180 Because then they're going to have a great time in jail.

00:10:29.740 I don't know.

00:10:30.600 I mean, I didn't look into, I wasn't trying to.

00:10:33.220 I mean, there is a limit.

00:10:35.400 Like, even if you are into dudes, if you're, like, literally, like, a semi-chick-looking thing being thrown into prison,

00:10:42.620 then that's still a different, like, it's going to be violent dick being thrown at you.

00:10:46.900 100%.

00:10:47.260 Yeah, yeah, he won't have a choice.

00:10:49.340 Yeah.

00:10:49.680 I think, I did think, though, they did, they put her into, like, they had it in solitary because, not, I guess, solitary.

00:11:00.700 Just because she was trans, that's the only reason.

00:11:03.120 Yeah, they were like, we're not letting this happen.

00:11:05.040 Like, even we understand what's going to happen if we send this basic trap into a prison system.

00:11:12.620 I mean, like, just a bunch of fucking giant black guys.

00:11:16.360 Like, let me fuck your man pussy.

00:11:18.020 Yeah.

00:11:18.400 But, like, the opposite is way worse, though, right?

00:11:21.080 Where if you have a man who is a trans woman and gets sent to a women's prison and they can just rape all the women.

00:11:28.880 Yeah.

00:11:29.320 I mean, that's already happened.

00:11:30.900 I know.

00:11:31.580 Yeah.

00:11:31.740 Yeah, it does raise a weird conundrum when you are talking about trans in prison because it's like, which way do you go?

00:11:38.780 Because if you're like, well, we'll identify whatever they want, and you're like, there's obviously the one issue on the one side.

00:11:43.720 And if you're like, well, no, they have to go to their own sex, then, yeah, you obviously end up with an issue where you end up with a dude who decided to get fake tits and, you know, look really fuckable.

00:11:52.200 I think you should base it on the crime they committed.

00:11:55.720 If it wasn't that bad, they get to pick the one they go to.

00:11:58.680 It's like, eh, whatever.

00:11:59.800 Fuck some, rape some women in women's prison.

00:12:01.960 Who gives a shit?

00:12:03.000 Yeah, tax evasion, you get to go wherever you want.

00:12:04.660 Yeah, you get it.

00:12:05.520 That's because that's cool.

00:12:06.320 If you were like a child murderer and you're trans and like, yeah, you're going straight to fucking, you know, maximum security penitentiary and you're going into gen pop and you're going to get absolutely railed because fuck you.

00:12:17.520 I mean, I think that's how they should do it.

00:12:19.500 It should be like a case by case, like it's just an extra like sentence almost.

00:12:26.320 It's like, oh, you're trans and you kill, like you rape some kids.

00:12:29.100 All right.

00:12:29.420 You're going to be destroyed.

00:12:31.000 I have a question.

00:12:33.080 You send them in with makeup too.

00:12:34.840 You have to send them with makeup and all like, so they can't help themselves.

00:12:38.180 They have to get pretty done.

00:12:39.120 I think you need to be sent to a board.

00:12:41.580 Like if say you're a, say you're a trans, like a dude who became a chick and you're going to a dude's prison.

00:12:47.180 I think you should have to go beyond to a tribunal kind of thing, like a group of people where they'll all hold up cards of like whether they'd fuck you or not type deal.

00:12:55.760 And that is what determines if they would fuck you, then no, you, you don't, you don't go to the men's prison because they don't want you to have a good time.

00:13:02.600 What are they just?

00:13:03.460 Yeah.

00:13:03.820 That's a better question because if you're, if you're in jail, do you want like a pretty looking bitch or do you want like a tough looking guy?

00:13:09.460 I don't know what the psychology is there.

00:13:11.200 It seems like you might, yeah, you might want to smash like the toughest looking dude.

00:13:15.120 Right.

00:13:15.380 Yeah.

00:13:16.060 Exactly.

00:13:16.500 That's right.

00:13:16.960 Like you don't want to, yeah.

00:13:17.940 Maybe once, but I think, oh, I think if you're doing reoccurring, I think you would want the.

00:13:22.820 Oh yeah.

00:13:23.220 You're right.

00:13:23.480 You have an in type.

00:13:24.320 Yeah.

00:13:24.940 So you get that you fuck the, like, yeah, the biggest, baddest dude in the prison.

00:13:29.860 Right.

00:13:30.160 So that you can earn the repeats.

00:13:33.080 You can steal his fucking asshole.

00:13:36.220 Yeah.

00:13:36.720 By prison law.

00:13:38.060 And then you get like the Helen of Troy of prisoners.

00:13:40.180 Yeah.

00:13:40.360 Yeah.

00:13:40.660 So you fuck the biggest dude.

00:13:42.340 And then like, and then you get the, the, the best, uh, pocket, like whatever.

00:13:47.500 I don't know.

00:13:47.920 Like ass in prison.

00:13:49.440 But then that would be gay.

00:13:51.300 If you're fucking a good, a good looking girl.

00:13:53.060 But if it's, if you're fucking a guy in order to get pussy, I guess, is it really gay?

00:14:00.920 Or is this just like a transaction?

00:14:02.880 Is it just like a, this is, I had like.

00:14:04.680 Or is this the, can't justify the means kind of thing?

00:14:07.360 Did he say if you're fucking a guy to get pussy?

00:14:10.160 Yeah.

00:14:10.440 Yeah.

00:14:10.620 So you, you dominate, you dominate the baddest dude first.

00:14:14.420 You have to fuck him to prove your worth.

00:14:16.620 And then you get to fuck the.

00:14:18.220 Think it.

00:14:18.540 The dude who looks like a chick after that, which is.

00:14:20.760 Think of it like eating your Brussels sprouts before you get to eat ice cream.

00:14:23.920 There you go.

00:14:24.600 Yeah.

00:14:24.900 It's just like, you gotta finish your whole plate.

00:14:26.720 All right.

00:14:27.000 I mean, considering the end goal is fucking a, like, like a passable tranny.

00:14:31.240 I think it still counts as gay.

00:14:33.200 Now, if it was just the passable tranny alone, now there's a discussion to be had.

00:14:37.200 But now that you add the intermediate dude additionally, there's no argument here.

00:14:41.180 This is prison rules.

00:14:42.680 I mean, prison rules shifts the whole goal.

00:14:44.940 Well, prison rules, you'll be, you're gay then.

00:14:47.460 But it goes away as soon as you leave the prison.

00:14:50.220 The whole gay thing.

00:14:50.480 It's transactional.

00:14:51.340 But it's like, it's, you're, you're only Machiavellian gay.

00:14:55.000 Real quick.

00:14:55.420 I want to address Junkie Jeff.

00:14:56.500 I did a whole, I did a whole episode on this.

00:14:58.040 So, the OKC, the guy, the tranny in the OKC.

00:15:01.020 It's actually kind of funny.

00:15:01.920 The motherfucker, he, they got, when he got busted by the cops, they found fucking, they

00:15:07.400 figured out he was a tranny.

00:15:08.680 Because he was some Nazi dude, like, head of some Nazi shit.

00:15:10.940 I forget the whole story.

00:15:11.700 His name is J.

00:15:13.120 He was the leader of, like, a Nazi gang.

00:15:15.600 And he got busted for something sort of related to, like, I think, Robin Banks or some shit.

00:15:20.540 And he was, like, the leader of some bullshit.

00:15:22.280 And the cops found, I believe, like, lipstick or some shit.

00:15:25.540 And then he also, like, noticed his legs were shaved.

00:15:28.520 And, yeah, they come to find out he's, like, he was a cross-racer the whole time.

00:15:31.940 Like, the head of a big Nazi gang.

00:15:32.740 I have lipstick in my car.

00:15:34.680 Huh?

00:15:35.100 Yeah, I don't know if that's, that's not, like, an open and shut case.

00:15:37.460 I got lipstick in my car.

00:15:38.400 My wife leaves it there.

00:15:40.200 And sometimes I shave my legs.

00:15:41.180 Yeah, she's like, ew.

00:15:41.880 I shave my legs and my underarm.

00:15:43.260 Sometimes I wear a strap on dildo.

00:15:45.000 What do you want from me?

00:15:45.820 Like, yeah, what do you want?

00:15:46.680 There was more, I forget.

00:15:47.980 But it was very clear he was a tranny.

00:15:49.620 It turns out the OKC guy is actually Jane Doe, too.

00:15:54.380 I don't shave my legs, guys.

00:15:55.740 Don't ask.

00:15:56.960 What I was going to ask, though, because this brings up an interesting question, though,

00:16:00.260 is what is the suicide rate of a trans person who is in solitary confinement?

00:16:05.140 It should be 100%, probably.

00:16:06.900 I would imagine it being 100%.

00:16:08.400 I mean, that's the goal.

00:16:10.600 Okay, also, by the way, Maxine Waters is back on Odyssey.

00:16:13.940 You're putting our finger on the scale.

00:16:15.120 If you remember Maxine, one of our favorite commenters on Odyssey.

00:16:21.180 What is she saying?

00:16:21.880 And just going off.

00:16:22.880 Like, literally just a live chat of just Maxine.

00:16:27.280 It's actually really funny.

00:16:28.320 Oh, hell yeah.

00:16:29.240 I forgot Maxine existed.

00:16:30.520 I'm going back on there.

00:16:32.220 Yeah.

00:16:33.200 Probably, yeah.

00:16:34.180 I don't remember what Maxine is like, but it's probably just a tirade of slurs.

00:16:38.840 She's towering the N-word over and over and over again.

00:16:41.320 Well, with Maxine, I almost think this person, it's weird freakouts.

00:16:47.300 I almost think that maybe they're like a foreigner, and they're just like, it's almost like incredibly

00:16:51.940 offensive stuff, but translated from another language is almost what it's like.

00:16:55.380 It just could be like Indian, because those do, like, as we've discussed before, they

00:17:00.900 are the most racist people on Earth.

00:17:03.620 Yeah.

00:17:03.920 Yeah.

00:17:04.220 Yo, by the way, we should bring it back saying foreigner.

00:17:06.640 That's a fun one.

00:17:07.620 That went away.

00:17:08.360 We should bring that back.

00:17:09.160 We don't say it anymore.

00:17:10.020 Foreigner is actually really good.

00:17:11.080 Because it's like, it's not, it's not, it's not true.

00:17:14.700 Right.

00:17:14.940 It's, it's, it's 100% true.

00:17:16.260 They are foreign.

00:17:17.060 They are from a foreign country.

00:17:18.300 But we know what you mean when we say it.

00:17:19.900 Yeah.

00:17:22.720 In the same way, like, what we mean is a sander.

00:17:26.680 Dude, foreigner fucking rules.

00:17:28.680 Okay.

00:17:30.040 Like, we're just going to put, but we don't, we don't say that out loud.

00:17:33.640 We just, you know, it's like, oh, who's, who's Jim?

00:17:37.180 I was like, oh, he's a foreigner.

00:17:38.220 You know, he's, oh, real quick.

00:17:40.840 He's calling everyone foreigners.

00:17:41.820 I feel like this is awful podcasting, but I got to bring it up because it's just so goddamn

00:17:46.540 good.

00:17:46.940 Did all of you finally watch the, uh, the allegiance gangs thing?

00:17:50.720 I haven't watched it.

00:17:51.860 I still didn't watch it.

00:17:53.160 I've watched it like five times.

00:17:54.820 It's almost a comical, spiritual, spiritual fucking experience.

00:17:58.280 I've heard, I've watched all you guys talking about the goddamn group chat and I'm waiting

00:18:01.560 Friday just to watch the whole episode straight.

00:18:03.440 That's what I was going to do, Adam.

00:18:05.160 You've been on, you've been on rap like four times and you don't subscribe to the network.

00:18:10.160 You motherfucking.

00:18:11.340 I was a subscriber for years, Lewis.

00:18:14.060 Bring us on.

00:18:15.000 I, I, my credit card changed and I forgot to update it.

00:18:19.300 Likely excuse.

00:18:20.360 Likely excuse.

00:18:21.040 At least I'm honest about it.

00:18:22.880 I, I, I, I was going to do the same as you, Adam.

00:18:25.260 And I was like, that I saw it get uploaded and I was like, I have, I'm just going to have

00:18:28.500 to watch it and I did and I'll say the funniest part to me, was it the actual call itself?

00:18:34.420 I'll say that.

00:18:35.000 Like I didn't find, I didn't let, I left.

00:18:36.960 It was the twist.

00:18:37.580 It was Lewis.

00:18:38.300 It was the Lewis twist.

00:18:39.720 That was what actually, that sent me over.

00:18:42.300 I might have to watch this fucking clip.

00:18:44.680 I almost wanted to be like, can we do a watch party?

00:18:47.580 I was waiting.

00:18:48.160 I was waiting for the, I was waiting for the whole episode to come out.

00:18:51.200 It was.

00:18:51.680 I will say this though, Cole.

00:18:53.180 So I, I showed my wife, it was like a 30, the 30 minute clip I showed her.

00:18:56.900 It was just making me like an hour ago.

00:18:58.500 And she laughed.

00:18:59.640 It was funny.

00:19:00.500 But when I showed her the shit about your plasma, she cried.

00:19:03.920 Oh yeah.

00:19:05.120 And literally cried.

00:19:06.520 It was, I think it's just two different types of comedy.

00:19:10.400 It's hard to compare the two.

00:19:12.020 Yeah.

00:19:12.300 That was like raw comedy.

00:19:13.720 This was just like great circumstantial comedy.

00:19:16.040 Oh yeah.

00:19:16.740 That was like high level.

00:19:18.140 I was just like, I don't know.

00:19:21.200 I said in the group chat, I said, I honestly, I, I cried laughing, telling the plasma stories,

00:19:27.900 but I, I just, I like, I thought it was funny and I thought it was also memorable.

00:19:32.700 I was like, this is like one of the greatest, just like you said, the circumstances and just

00:19:36.680 how amazing Dan Soder is at doing like, and just off the cuff, like just being like an

00:19:43.180 amazing, he's doing it.

00:19:44.180 And just destroys it.

00:19:47.240 But yeah, I, I laughed.

00:19:48.640 I laughed.

00:19:48.980 I laughed at my, we were in the car listening to you tell the story.

00:19:52.500 And when you said like, she's laughing kind of like, oh, it's kind of funny.

00:19:56.340 And then you said, uh, yeah, I did it twice a week.

00:19:59.000 And there's like a pause and you're like for four and a half years.

00:20:01.560 He was driving.

00:20:04.320 She almost like crashed the car.

00:20:06.220 He almost killed Tom and his wife.

00:20:08.900 Oh my God.

00:20:09.840 It would have been worth it.

00:20:11.440 Adam, Adam, let me guess.

00:20:13.000 You didn't watch that one either, right?

00:20:14.420 You didn't subscribe to the Tower Power Hour network, you motherfucker.

00:20:17.560 He's a patron.

00:20:18.560 So kick him off the show right now.

00:20:22.680 Patreon.com slash Tower Power Hour, Adam.

00:20:25.120 Let's go.

00:20:25.780 I guess the plasma is probably one of our moments.

00:20:28.200 I mean, we've had some moments we need to like compile a list.

00:20:31.740 What's a cult of us moment, Adam?

00:20:33.540 What's one that you can remember that you were just like, that was.

00:20:36.120 Because we don't remember any of them.

00:20:37.680 Neil.

00:20:38.180 Thanks.

00:20:39.200 Neil talking about.

00:20:40.820 Neil talking about his, uh, his new situation.

00:20:43.200 It just happened.

00:20:43.860 This is why it's fresh in my mind.

00:20:45.040 Neil's, Neil's life just turned upside down.

00:20:47.080 Like the course of like, so like you broke up with this longtime girlfriend who gave him

00:20:51.020 herpes.

00:20:51.460 Like, did she give him herpes like early on in the relationship and he just stayed with

00:20:59.920 her or was this a new thing?

00:21:01.020 Is it herpes A or herpes B?

00:21:02.360 Which one?

00:21:03.020 You say you got back with her.

00:21:03.960 The one that never goes away.

00:21:05.180 So he was with her at one point and got back with her.

00:21:07.040 So she didn't have it the first time.

00:21:08.440 She always had it.

00:21:08.800 And then got back.

00:21:09.740 Oh, okay.

00:21:10.820 I'll explain it real quick.

00:21:11.920 She always had it.

00:21:12.740 Okay.

00:21:13.460 He knew that going into the relationship.

00:21:15.380 And this is what made it even funnier.

00:21:17.240 We were all like, it's kind of dangerous to do that, right?

00:21:19.180 It's a psychotic thing.

00:21:20.180 Like, maybe don't do that.

00:21:21.020 And he was like, it's fine.

00:21:22.120 If you just got to know when like, it flares up and not.

00:21:24.860 She's so fucking hot.

00:21:26.840 Dude, if you get herpes from a chick, you can never break up with her.

00:21:30.880 Yeah.

00:21:31.480 I just don't tell anyone.

00:21:32.820 It's over, man.

00:21:34.100 They just lie.

00:21:35.040 What are you talking about?

00:21:36.700 No, I mean that he will carry her with him forever now.

00:21:41.680 No, it is with him forever.

00:21:42.960 So we all told him not to do that.

00:21:44.860 And he's like, it's fine.

00:21:45.780 You guys are just being fucking close minded about the whole thing.

00:21:48.080 It's not that big of a deal.

00:21:48.820 And then a month later, he got it.

00:21:50.660 So we all laughed about it.

00:21:51.720 Let me break down the percentages on how many people have herpes.

00:21:54.180 It's really not that big of a deal.

00:21:56.700 Jose, that's kind of the conversation we had.

00:21:59.920 I'll tell you guys.

00:22:00.820 Let me tell you guys this story real quick.

00:22:02.900 This is a funny story.

00:22:04.020 So I'll open up the door.

00:22:06.240 Let me just open up the door.

00:22:08.300 My relationship with my wife for a second.

00:22:10.880 This is about like three years ago.

00:22:12.980 That dirty bitch.

00:22:14.320 Yeah, that dirty whore.

00:22:15.500 I come home from work one day and she's like sitting there like with the lights off the

00:22:20.520 kids like for a nap.

00:22:21.660 We just had one kid at a time and she goes, have you been doing anything that I don't know

00:22:25.900 about?

00:22:26.360 And I'm like, you know, I got my bag.

00:22:28.020 I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

00:22:29.520 Like, yeah, what's going on?

00:22:30.840 No, no.

00:22:31.220 The answer to that is definitely no, because she's trying to get you to admit to something.

00:22:36.220 Yes.

00:22:36.760 Real quick.

00:22:37.160 If you as a man are not doing something your significant other doesn't know about, I don't

00:22:41.180 believe you.

00:22:42.060 Like, I'm not even saying it has to be some sinister, but there's so many things you're

00:22:45.880 like, I'm going to tell that bitch.

00:22:47.000 Yeah, of course.

00:22:48.480 This depends on what?

00:22:50.100 Gambling.

00:22:50.320 You jerk off in the bathroom while you're sleeping?

00:22:52.640 Maybe.

00:22:53.520 It's a classic trap.

00:22:55.960 We've all done it.

00:22:57.580 Yeah.

00:22:58.060 Well, of course.

00:22:58.740 Well, she knows that you're doing something that she's not supposed to find out about.

00:23:03.240 She thinks I am.

00:23:04.200 She's just assuming that.

00:23:05.820 So she's saying that just to trap you into saying something when she doesn't even have

00:23:09.720 anything specific.

00:23:10.560 Also, by the way, I do want to add this.

00:23:12.160 They're also doing things behind our back as well.

00:23:15.640 And usually it's just maxing out credit cards.

00:23:18.140 That's usually just what the women do.

00:23:19.420 It's all monetary.

00:23:20.260 They just shop.

00:23:21.700 They just shop and it's like they keep getting new credit cards and then you'll find out like

00:23:25.640 two years later if she's like, oh yeah, it's like 80%.

00:23:28.540 That just happened to me.

00:23:30.200 My wife came home with a Marshall gift fucking credit card.

00:23:33.880 She's like, I spent $400 here.

00:23:34.960 Pay this.

00:23:35.380 I was like, fucking bitch.

00:23:37.600 You guys need to stop being with Jewish women.

00:23:42.300 Catholic school teacher, my wife.

00:23:43.400 My wife would absolutely – Elizabeth would absolutely kill me if I ever said how much

00:23:48.220 like she dropped on me one time because it was a good amount.

00:23:53.480 And I like out of nowhere just like, oh yeah, we can't – I just – we're this much in

00:23:58.980 debt.

00:23:59.220 I was like, oh my god.

00:24:02.260 Damn.

00:24:02.900 All right.

00:24:03.120 Well, that sounds like a personal problem.

00:24:04.900 Not like –

00:24:05.240 Yeah.

00:24:05.540 All right.

00:24:06.400 All right.

00:24:07.280 All our Patreon friends go to Cole's debt.

00:24:10.860 Top of the story is the story.

00:24:12.260 Top of the story.

00:24:12.460 My wife is actually very frugal.

00:24:14.080 I don't know what you're talking about.

00:24:15.920 Yeah.

00:24:16.380 That's what she's hiding, Jose.

00:24:17.760 She's still hiding the shit.

00:24:19.020 You don't know.

00:24:20.020 I'm content.

00:24:21.000 Women are good with money.

00:24:22.100 We've talked about this.

00:24:23.140 They're not.

00:24:23.600 None of them.

00:24:24.260 They don't – they can't do it.

00:24:25.900 Actually –

00:24:26.280 No, my wife is good with money.

00:24:28.240 She just can't add.

00:24:29.620 She has like no concept of math or time or anything like numbers.

00:24:33.240 Completely on here.

00:24:33.560 Yeah, they need us for the technical stuff.

00:24:35.040 It's either 4 o'clock or 12.

00:24:36.580 I don't know.

00:24:37.400 Maybe good with money but not like – but they're bad at business.

00:24:40.900 I think that's how – I think that was what it was.

00:24:42.360 Like no – business acumen is where like women fall off at.

00:24:46.300 Yeah, for sure.

00:24:47.240 Yeah.

00:24:47.360 That's why women are not CEOs.

00:24:49.820 It's not comparable to –

00:24:51.160 And where they are, that business fails immediately.

00:24:53.880 Cole, you're 100% correct because every time – every single time I've had sex with my wife, I have out – I've out-debated her into having it.

00:25:00.920 I've out-maneuvered her.

00:25:02.140 So, yeah, she could not logically tell me no because I –

00:25:05.460 You manipulated her.

00:25:08.480 I was going to say chloroform is mad strong.

00:25:11.320 Let that maneuver, whore.

00:25:13.500 Anyway, so I come in and she's sitting on the couch.

00:25:15.780 I out-maneuvered her.

00:25:17.360 Left, right, one, two.

00:25:20.240 I gave her a good one-two.

00:25:21.740 She was out.

00:25:22.560 I was in, baby.

00:25:23.580 It was great.

00:25:26.320 It's the Herschel Walker.

00:25:28.960 Okay, so I come in and she's sitting there and it's like – she's accusing me of something and I'm like, I'm not going to confess.

00:25:36.360 I wasn't doing anything anyway, but I'm like, I'm not confessing to shit.

00:25:38.900 I didn't eat that last donut in the house.

00:25:41.540 I didn't do nothing.

00:25:42.160 I was like – so now I'm like gangster about it.

00:25:44.580 I'm like, what?

00:25:45.460 And she like turns around and she shows me she's got like a – it looks like herpes-like bumps on her – like her butt.

00:25:53.700 So I say – I'm like, what the fuck is that?

00:25:56.600 And then she's like, it looks like herpes.

00:25:59.000 And I'm like, yeah.

00:26:00.960 But now I'm kind of worried and I was like, are you going to – like, did you – I'm checking myself.

00:26:04.980 I'm thinking like, can you give this to me?

00:26:06.340 You're trying to mind fuck me right now.

00:26:08.440 Well, yeah.

00:26:08.940 At first I was like, yeah, like fuck you.

00:26:11.020 Like – because that's a good one.

00:26:12.200 Like if I got herpes and then accidentally gave it to you, now the plausible deniability is like, well, no, you gave it to me.

00:26:19.660 So it's like the chicken and the egg kind of shit.

00:26:20.900 It's actually a genius move.

00:26:22.140 Come out front, right out the gate and be really indignant about it.

00:26:24.800 You have to figure out who patient zero is here.

00:26:28.500 But it was intense.

00:26:30.300 It was like – I was like, I don't know what's going on.

00:26:32.060 And she was like – she was kind of sick at the time.

00:26:33.820 So I don't know what's going on.

00:26:35.380 Anyway, she went to the doctor and then it turns out that she had shingles because she never had chicken pox as a kid.

00:26:41.600 And it was shingles.

00:26:42.580 Shingles on her asshole?

00:26:44.020 No, no.

00:26:44.560 Like on her butt sort of.

00:26:46.580 Like where I come.

00:26:47.540 Right on her butt.

00:26:51.160 But like –

00:26:52.000 That wouldn't be herpes.

00:26:52.920 Because it's usually only near like orifices like your mouth, your butthole.

00:26:55.880 I don't – listen, I don't have herpes.

00:26:57.340 I don't know.

00:26:57.780 I should have called Adam's buddy for his show, Polka Bum, and he could have told me.

00:27:01.840 But no one watches that show.

00:27:03.100 So who the fuck knows anyway?

00:27:05.500 So anyway, it was the three most stressful days of my life because like, you know, like the doctor is immediately like, well, we need to get you tested for like all kinds of STDs and stuff.

00:27:14.380 And I'm like, oh, my God.

00:27:15.540 Like, who knows?

00:27:18.260 Who knows?

00:27:18.680 Because whatever.

00:27:19.700 It turns out negative.

00:27:20.500 So we're all clean.

00:27:21.240 Everyone watching.

00:27:22.140 Don't judge me.

00:27:22.860 Fuck you.

00:27:23.280 I see Tyler in the chat.

00:27:24.360 Fuck you.

00:27:25.340 But yeah, she had shingles.

00:27:27.100 So whatever.

00:27:27.760 I was just –

00:27:27.840 I know only –

00:27:28.580 She got shingles.

00:27:29.800 And luckily, if I only came back about every month or so, it would go away.

00:27:33.440 Not a big deal.

00:27:34.020 Right, Tuck?

00:27:34.960 Yeah, no big deal.

00:27:35.760 It's like, you know, like he said, just avoid the flare-ups.

00:27:38.040 Use a piece of paper in between there when there are flare-ups and you're good to go.

00:27:42.080 Or just accept the fact every now and then you're going to have a little itty-bitty pimple on your wiener.

00:27:45.480 You're like, who cares?

00:27:45.980 I only had a scare one time and I didn't fuck a girl at all.

00:27:54.080 But, like, I literally – I had all, like, the bumps on, like, right above my dick.

00:27:59.760 Like, it was all, like, in that pubic area.

00:28:02.000 It was itchy as hell.

00:28:03.580 It was all the red bumps.

00:28:04.820 And I was like, oh, shit.

00:28:06.880 Like, I – the only thing I was, like, I messed around with a girl, like, one time.

00:28:12.260 And I didn't fuck her.

00:28:13.720 I literally just, like – we were just, like, kissing or whatever.

00:28:17.020 But, like, I was like, she gave me herpes and she didn't even – I didn't even fuck.

00:28:22.620 You got herpes, but you didn't fuck.

00:28:25.100 But – and I remember I had a buddy of mine – this was all in college – and I had a friend of mine.

00:28:33.820 He was a black dude from New York.

00:28:36.200 And I made the mistake of showing him.

00:28:38.220 The worst kind.

00:28:38.760 Yeah.

00:28:39.120 It was – oh, yeah.

00:28:39.840 He was the worst.

00:28:40.540 He was the absolute worst kind.

00:28:42.220 He was the typical black dude.

00:28:45.040 Like, he didn't say – he wouldn't say, like, I fucked her.

00:28:47.740 He would say, I got her drawers is what he would say.

00:28:51.840 That's what – like, that's – it was something he was like.

00:28:53.900 Like, you got those drawers?

00:28:55.180 And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

00:28:56.800 I've heard that too, yeah.

00:28:58.060 I've heard you get in her drawers.

00:29:00.180 No, he was like –

00:29:00.740 Just get them – like, he's stealing her panties?

00:29:02.820 Yeah, basically.

00:29:03.720 Yeah, at that point.

00:29:04.720 You got that juice box, baby.

00:29:07.440 But, yeah, I remember –

00:29:08.720 No, run your drawers, bitch.

00:29:11.400 It sounds like he's sneaking into a room, pulling them out of her bedroom, like, tee-hee-hee,

00:29:15.020 and, like, running out of the room with them.

00:29:16.540 That's what it sounds like.

00:29:18.260 He stole the whole drawer.

00:29:19.540 It's a panty, man.

00:29:20.740 And, like, I was like, dude, I've been having this problem here.

00:29:25.100 And so I showed him what it looked like.

00:29:26.920 And he – for some reason, this nigga – he goes, oh, that's a super bug.

00:29:31.800 You got the super bug, dude.

00:29:32.980 You never – that's never going away.

00:29:34.460 And I was like, what?

00:29:35.860 And it went away, like, the next day.

00:29:38.240 I was like, fuck you.

00:29:39.480 You showed a black eye your dick?

00:29:41.200 I showed him above my dick.

00:29:42.620 I showed him my pubic area.

00:29:43.520 I did not show him my penis.

00:29:44.560 You showed a dick root, yeah.

00:29:45.160 When I was in my early 20s, I thought I had an STD because my cum was, like, a honey-color white.

00:29:55.700 What?

00:29:56.400 Yeah.

00:29:57.140 It was, like, white.

00:29:58.000 It had, like –

00:29:58.600 It looked like you didn't cum in a while.

00:30:00.260 How many is it white?

00:30:00.960 No.

00:30:01.380 It's not what a – no, I know.

00:30:03.460 Jesus Christ, I know.

00:30:04.520 I said it.

00:30:04.820 It's cum.

00:30:07.240 Pretty sure you had an STD, dude.

00:30:09.760 Hold on.

00:30:10.440 I did.

00:30:11.160 So I go to the doctor, and I was like, I have an STD.

00:30:13.800 He's like, you don't.

00:30:14.380 I know what that – I'm like, no.

00:30:15.600 And then I made him, like, do the – like, test me.

00:30:18.580 And the old test was, like, take a swab.

00:30:20.340 They jerk you off.

00:30:21.380 And they tip your dick, yeah.

00:30:24.160 And then I just turned out of protein deficiency.

00:30:26.520 Dude, luckily –

00:30:27.320 The doctor said, you need some more protein.

00:30:31.680 Suck my dick.

00:30:32.700 I don't know if Aaron has actually had an STD before.

00:30:35.900 No.

00:30:37.180 Not that we're going to admit to, you fucking retard.

00:30:39.280 This is online.

00:30:40.000 Yeah, yeah, Adam.

00:30:40.740 I don't give a shit.

00:30:41.620 I don't have it anymore.

00:30:42.720 Shit went away, dog.

00:30:44.560 I'll tell you a scare that I did have.

00:30:46.380 I did have the same shit that Cole had, like a bump, like, on – almost on my dick root,

00:30:50.260 but, like, lower.

00:30:50.980 It wasn't a bump.

00:30:51.880 It was bumps.

00:30:52.740 There was a lot.

00:30:54.420 No, well, one was prominent.

00:30:56.660 One was big.

00:30:57.740 Then there was a couple other ones.

00:30:59.260 And I was freaking out.

00:31:00.360 I'm, like, sweating and shit.

00:31:01.240 And I'm like, I'm going to go to the doctor.

00:31:02.240 But at the time, they were doing those tests, too.

00:31:03.960 So I was like, I'm not fucking going to the doctor.

00:31:07.180 And then I realized, like, you know, a couple days later, I went to the

00:31:10.240 shower, and, again, I looked at the razor, and the razor was, like, face down in, like,

00:31:14.220 a puddle of water, and it was rusted out.

00:31:16.220 And I probably just took it and shaved it.

00:31:18.160 That's what I think I did, too.

00:31:20.020 You managed to do that?

00:31:21.400 I think I shaved, and that's what – I had razor burn.

00:31:23.760 I think I legitimately think that's what it was.

00:31:25.580 Yeah.

00:31:25.720 Like, dude, I have a bump on my right ball right now, and I'm, like, not concerned about

00:31:30.160 it.

00:31:30.200 You're going to die.

00:31:31.100 I'm not concerned about it at all.

00:31:32.600 It's probably just an ingrown hair, because the shaving will get ingrown hairs a lot.

00:31:35.520 Yeah, exactly.

00:31:36.720 Yeah, exactly.

00:31:37.480 That's all it is.

00:31:37.880 Yeah, but it got – I think my shit got infected, because the razor was kind of janky.

00:31:43.400 You know, I shouldn't have been shaving with that.

00:31:45.900 It was, like, a big razor.

00:31:46.580 The thing is, I, from a very young age, have an extra growth inside my ball sack, and I

00:31:54.060 never understood what it was.

00:31:55.320 What does that mean?

00:31:55.920 Maybe the Total Recall male version?

00:31:57.660 You got three balls.

00:31:58.180 No, no.

00:31:58.840 Cold, cold, third ball.

00:31:59.560 Dude, it really was.

00:32:00.460 It was about the – it was about that big.

00:32:04.340 Oh, like, inside your balls.

00:32:05.820 Like, that's probably a hernia.

00:32:08.140 It was hard.

00:32:09.380 It was, like, hard, and I could – it wasn't inside the balls, but it was, like, inside

00:32:13.580 the ball sack.

00:32:14.400 And it was, like, a hard fucking thing in there.

00:32:17.340 And it, like – I was, like, 11 years old, and I don't know if I still have it.

00:32:22.680 I remember vaguely – don't tell me –

00:32:24.840 I think it's gotten – it got smaller when I jerked off.

00:32:27.600 I swear to God.

00:32:28.420 Wait, is it – was it, like, a stone or something?

00:32:31.100 Is that where your cum was being held in?

00:32:32.800 It was probably – I believe they're called hydrocaps.

00:32:35.360 Apparently, there's a thing that can happen on your nuts, where there'll be these weird

00:32:38.300 swellings, and they will go away – they usually go away after a while.

00:32:41.100 I did have hydrocells when I was a baby, and they had to –

00:32:44.400 I had to get surgery.

00:32:45.960 Yeah, I –

00:32:46.540 The balls were the size of a human, like, adult male balls when I was, like –

00:32:50.340 I think it can happen.

00:32:52.120 I had ginormous balls.

00:32:53.920 Nice.

00:32:54.120 I feel like that can happen, too, more often during, like, puberty, if I remember correctly.

00:32:57.380 I'm totally talking to my ass.

00:32:58.520 This is shit I remember from decades ago, because my stepdad was a doctor, and I just – I

00:33:03.300 semi-vividly remember him telling me about hydrocaps once, because I would ask him his weird

00:33:08.160 questions, and be like, hey – or he would tell me weird stories about shit that happened

00:33:12.180 at, like, at his job.

00:33:13.340 Like, he used to work in the ER for years.

00:33:14.900 So it's like – and he's told me stories about guys with, like, huge balls, and be

00:33:17.820 like – or – I've never asked him about, like, shit like that before, and be like,

00:33:21.720 yeah, that's usually normal.

00:33:23.180 Like, that goes away.

00:33:24.040 Like, I don't remember what the context was of that, but that was totally a conversation

00:33:27.480 we had.

00:33:28.620 Well, before I forget Fat Dave's Fat Balls, let's just lay that out there.

00:33:32.620 Yeah, Fat Dave's Fat Balls.

00:33:33.400 I mean, I'm telling you, they were apparently ginormous.

00:33:35.940 I also had ear tags, too, so I could fucking, like – I looked like Dumbo with ginormous

00:33:40.680 balls.

00:33:42.660 I was saying your stepdad was, like, a doctor?

00:33:45.080 What was he?

00:33:45.360 Yeah, he was a doctor, and then he lost his medical license, so – like, it was for writing

00:33:53.300 scripts to himself with pain pills.

00:33:55.820 Is your doctor House?

00:33:57.440 Like, is he Gregory House?

00:33:59.000 What the fuck?

00:33:59.480 That's a British doctor.

00:34:00.760 That's what I was talking about.

00:34:01.060 No, he had gotten in, like, a fuckload of motorcycle accidents when he was young, and

00:34:04.520 he's, like, his legs are all fucked.

00:34:05.500 He's, like, you – I mean, he's, like, older now.

00:34:07.360 He was literally telling your dog – your stepdad is Gregory House, dude.

00:34:11.100 He's, like, a young dude with his fucked up legs.

00:34:14.700 So he got on pain pills.

00:34:16.520 Yeah, and this was back in the day.

00:34:18.300 This was back in the day with the pain pills where they weren't as, like, smart about it.

00:34:22.060 So it was like, yeah, here you go.

00:34:23.020 I have a giant-ass script.

00:34:24.220 And so he got addicted to them, and then after a while, they took it off – took him off

00:34:27.560 it.

00:34:27.680 Back in the day, they still do that, Jose.

00:34:29.460 Yeah, I know, but –

00:34:31.180 Yeah, they tried taking him off it, and then he's just kind of like, well, I'm a doctor,

00:34:35.220 so –

00:34:36.180 That's right.

00:34:38.980 I prescribed myself with this.

00:34:40.580 I know what I need.

00:34:42.100 That's actually how I figured out I'm, like, sort of an artist.

00:34:44.720 Like, in fourth grade or something, they – if you failed a math test, they made you – your

00:34:49.060 mom sign it.

00:34:50.540 And I was like, I can draw.

00:34:52.100 I can totally draw.

00:34:53.220 But I just fucking forge in my mom's name on every math test.

00:34:57.260 You're –

00:34:57.540 I like how Top goes from forging signatures to artists and not to some, like –

00:35:03.500 It's an art.

00:35:04.600 No, it's – I'm saying his stepdad was like, I'm a doctor.

00:35:08.640 I don't need to – like, I can just do this myself.

00:35:10.820 So they're like, here, present this embarrassing grade to your mother.

00:35:13.260 And I'm like, no.

00:35:13.980 I can do this myself.

00:35:14.920 How did your mom have to sign for a failed paper?

00:35:18.120 Yeah, I had – yeah, that was a very common thing in New York.

00:35:20.440 No, I never – I never failed.

00:35:21.620 It took me to connect those two threads to up.

00:35:23.560 I was like, what?

00:35:24.380 How are these –

00:35:24.740 I'm high on mushrooms.

00:35:26.160 No, I never failed at anything, man.

00:35:28.020 I was a straight –

00:35:28.640 Oh, well, I'm sorry.

00:35:29.680 We're all not fucking nerds like you.

00:35:31.240 Yeah.

00:35:31.600 Jesus Christ.

00:35:32.420 Sorry I had pussy and played sports.

00:35:33.900 Nobody here forged their parents' name.

00:35:38.040 Hey, man.

00:35:38.480 I was –

00:35:38.720 I want to say I probably did once.

00:35:40.380 And the funny thing about it is, like, they make it seem like it's so –

00:35:44.200 Once?

00:35:45.360 Yeah, probably.

00:35:46.360 I didn't do – again, I was also a straight-A student.

00:35:48.180 Tom, I'm with you.

00:35:49.000 Fuck these losers, all right?

00:35:49.920 I failed everything, too.

00:35:50.960 I was getting paid.

00:35:52.620 I was getting paid by other classmates to forge their parents' names.

00:35:55.860 Yeah, but –

00:35:56.460 It was crazy.

00:35:57.260 Dude, I remember I did such a bad job one time.

00:35:59.300 My teacher was like, did you sign this?

00:36:00.620 And I was like, no.

00:36:04.080 I was about to make a statement that, like, it doesn't matter how you do it because I'm

00:36:08.580 thinking of just my signature and how bad that is.

00:36:11.240 And that if my, like, son forced my signature, it would be like – I wouldn't be able to

00:36:16.020 tell.

00:36:16.440 I would look at it and be like, yes.

00:36:17.280 When you were a kid, you don't say that.

00:36:18.580 You don't say that.

00:36:18.840 You don't say that.

00:36:19.120 You don't say that.

00:36:19.660 You don't say that.

00:36:19.960 You don't say that.

00:36:20.220 You don't say that.

00:36:20.800 The teacher was like, no.

00:36:22.600 What, am I retarded?

00:36:23.420 I was like, I hope not.

00:36:24.060 I can still sign my mom's signature.

00:36:27.020 Hers is very artistic because she was like a secretary, so she'd sign it the same exact

00:36:31.740 way every time.

00:36:33.080 Yeah, but the point Cole's getting at is that who really even pays attention to signatures?

00:36:37.440 Like, as if your teacher would cross-reference the two.

00:36:40.380 No, they don't.

00:36:41.020 The thing is, as a kid, you don't ever really think about that.

00:36:43.600 You're like, you're really trying to fucking phrase it out.

00:36:47.140 No, no.

00:36:48.160 By the end of the year, it was like second nature.

00:36:51.480 I was signing her name like it was my name, and I was signing like five other students'

00:36:55.740 parents' name.

00:36:56.320 Like, I should have been like writing checks and doing some bigger shit, but I got busted

00:37:02.140 because it was like open school, and my mom's like, you got to, I forgot what, I failed the

00:37:06.880 class, and she was like, how did you fail the class?

00:37:08.820 Like, you only show me good test grades, so she went up to the teacher, and the teacher's

00:37:12.480 like, well, hold on a second.

00:37:13.820 Here's 50 tests that you signed of all these fucking zeros.

00:37:19.380 Look at this.

00:37:19.780 Look at your stupid son.

00:37:20.620 And my mom was looking at him, and she's like, she told me like recently, she was

00:37:24.780 like, I remember looking at them and saying like, I don't remember signing these because

00:37:28.840 the signature was so accurate, and then I ended up getting my ass kicked like right outside

00:37:34.380 the school.

00:37:35.240 Can you imagine looking at that though?

00:37:36.980 Like, especially if you have a very distinct signature and being like, holy fuck.

00:37:42.960 Top became an expert forger at a very young age, but I did have to have my mom sign one

00:37:48.760 thing once because I got in a fight with a kid in the schoolyard once, so that-

00:37:52.920 Did you win?

00:37:53.340 Did you win?

00:37:54.200 Yeah.

00:37:54.440 I can't imagine how fucking fat and I was like, that kid was.

00:37:56.920 He was neither.

00:38:00.360 He was neither of the two.

00:38:02.080 Retard fight!

00:38:03.760 He was in an iron lung.

00:38:06.540 No, I was not fat.

00:38:07.640 He was the one kid with polio still.

00:38:10.440 I was not fat at the time either, and neither was this other kid.

00:38:13.400 He was like choking me.

00:38:14.900 Like, you remember when like jackets had those like drawstrings that you could pull like

00:38:18.660 really tight?

00:38:19.340 They still do.

00:38:19.840 I don't know.

00:38:21.180 Your jacket right now has drawstrings.

00:38:24.120 I'm looking at your drawstring right now, motherfucker.

00:38:25.880 You guys know like hats that have rims on them?

00:38:28.820 You remember back in the day, like right now?

00:38:31.780 You remember when collars were a thing on like shirts?

00:38:35.040 You know shirts have sleeves?

00:38:36.700 But my mom told me that they got rid of them, and I was only wearing jackets without strings

00:38:40.460 from then on.

00:38:41.200 Adam, do you ever have, you played sports, and you like, you played contact sports, and

00:38:48.980 you did MMA.

00:38:49.880 Do you ever have moments where you're like, oh, I have CTE?

00:38:53.460 Because I had one.

00:38:54.640 Yeah, have you guys talked to me ever?

00:38:56.420 Yeah, I have CTE, for sure.

00:38:58.380 I have it all the time, because my dad showed me, whenever I was in high school, apparently

00:39:06.540 my senior year, I got interviewed by the local paper, and did like a whole interview, and

00:39:10.740 they wrote it up, and he showed me like the article, and he was like, oh, I found this

00:39:14.780 article, and I was like, I don't remember doing that at all.

00:39:18.020 Like, I don't remember.

00:39:18.760 My memory is dog shit.

00:39:21.000 I was like, I would think that would be something as a high schooler, you would like remember

00:39:26.480 vividly of like, oh, I'm being interviewed for a paper about my sports.

00:39:31.020 But no, apparently I sat down one-on-one, got interviewed by a reporter, don't remember

00:39:37.660 it at all.

00:39:37.840 You know, I'm fucked up.

00:39:38.700 I'm going to die like 50.

00:39:40.000 My brain is going to act a few away.

00:39:42.200 I have like amazing, awful memory.

00:39:44.560 Like, I remember very weird shit, but like certain things, like isn't there like a steel

00:39:49.540 trap, and then other shit, like shit I did yesterday, and like I couldn't do it.

00:39:53.460 It gets worse as I get older, too.

00:39:55.400 Dude, the things, whenever your friends are like, hey, you remember when you did this?

00:39:59.760 And I was like, do you not remember that at all?

00:40:02.080 But that sounds retarded that I did that.

00:40:04.020 It's like, there was multiple times where they were like, dude, you did this at like

00:40:08.220 a party, or like we were out, and you did this, and I was like, don't remember doing

00:40:12.620 that at all.

00:40:13.520 These are the effects of the plasma, man.

00:40:15.400 This is all because of the plasma.

00:40:16.840 Probably so.

00:40:17.680 I think it's ETE.

00:40:19.340 I've had three concussions, but.

00:40:22.540 I've had literally countless concussions.

00:40:24.480 I can't, like I have so many, it's crazy.

00:40:27.740 I endorse Cole and Adam and Herschel Walker all for U.S. Senate, so.

00:40:34.300 I feel like I've probably had concussions, but I also, I was doing a lot of pain pills

00:40:38.320 in high school, so I probably just ignored the fuck out of them.

00:40:40.440 Yeah, you have other problems, I think.

00:40:43.160 I think you have other things going on.

00:40:44.620 I think CT could be like drawn down to just like riding a horse.

00:40:48.800 Like any kind of like joggling of your brain.

00:40:50.180 It's actually true.

00:40:50.860 They say any contact in high school football, like any, like that level up, you have to

00:40:55.780 see, like you're damaging your brain, like anything.

00:40:58.080 I feel like this is like victim type behavior, though, or like a, you just ignore it.

00:41:03.520 So low is me, I'm retarded.

00:41:05.780 Oh, you forgot your kid's name?

00:41:08.900 I literally, I called my son my dog's name today.

00:41:12.020 I was like, Brody, shut the fuck up.

00:41:16.300 My point being, it's like, it's a mentality.

00:41:18.400 I feel like you just got to keep just, every time your knee hurts or this thing groans or

00:41:22.700 my brain's not working, you just go, no, I'm perfectly fine and keep moving on.

00:41:26.580 Like that's the mentality you got to have.

00:41:27.800 My knee was hurting today and I was thinking like Adam said, I said, I'm like 16 years from

00:41:33.000 50.

00:41:33.900 How big can I grow my empire before I die for my kids?

00:41:37.080 So I'm like, 50 is like what I'm, what I'm like planning my whole life about.

00:41:41.340 Like, I fucked up my knee in college and like, now that I'm working out again, like my knee

00:41:47.900 hurts, like a son of a bitch.

00:41:49.520 Like I like, I like squat down and I go lift, lift up to like, just pick up something.

00:41:53.520 I'm like, Ooh, it's not going to get any better from this.

00:41:56.460 I'm very much a retard that will just push through like I have no problem.

00:42:03.080 And then my wife will be like, why have you been limping?

00:42:05.020 I'm fine.

00:42:05.620 I'm fine.

00:42:06.160 Take something.

00:42:07.080 Well, we, we all don't have your stepdad's prescription pads.

00:42:14.000 And top like if Jose and top were together, holy shit, they could have, they could have

00:42:19.200 sold so much like a prescription drugs in high school.

00:42:22.200 Y'all could have been like absolutely killing it.

00:42:25.820 Yeah.

00:42:26.120 Did I ever tell you about the scheme we had going on?

00:42:28.860 I feel like we've totally talked about this, the scheme I had going in high school.

00:42:33.900 I don't know.

00:42:34.260 My CTE does not allow my long-term.

00:42:36.320 Well, we, uh, was it in the last five episodes?

00:42:42.040 My senior year, me and my, like, I had like a group of three, like me and one friend and

00:42:46.700 another friend.

00:42:47.520 And we pretty much had a whole scheme of how we would get pain pills like regularly.

00:42:50.880 Uh, and my dad's closet, get his prescription pad.

00:42:53.620 We had the money, we had the money guy, we had a guy, the connections who was like my, my

00:43:00.960 best friend who like, was just like kind of like a seedy guy and just knew everyone around

00:43:04.500 town.

00:43:04.860 And like, then me, who was like the wheels.

00:43:07.560 And I also was kind of almost like, um, I was the guy that like, no one, I was like the

00:43:11.740 good kid, but I was also a bad kid.

00:43:13.420 You're just fucking round and small.

00:43:16.880 Wheels.

00:43:17.280 I had the car.

00:43:18.760 I was the transportation.

00:43:20.840 Uh, we would, every day we'd be like, we'd go get like the dude, one dude would just give

00:43:25.760 us the money at school.

00:43:27.200 Cause I'd be like a free period at the end of the day.

00:43:29.640 And we would run to like whatever given house we would go to.

00:43:32.760 And then we'd bring it back and just have fun.

00:43:34.200 We weren't like selling them, but we would get a lunch.

00:43:36.240 We do this for like probably well over a year.

00:43:38.200 Come to find, we never asked where the money came from ever.

00:43:40.960 And they come to find out later, the dude had been literally stealing it from his grandparents

00:43:44.680 retirement fund.

00:43:45.540 Cause they were like old timers that were like literally had cash their whole life.

00:43:49.360 We're just storing it away for retirement.

00:43:51.480 And he found their stash.

00:43:53.180 It was literally just like going ham on it.

00:43:55.260 Oh, we did that for, we must've spent tens of thousands.

00:44:00.440 We were like, we found out about, we were like, me and my best friend, we're just kind

00:44:04.060 of like, like, we're kind of like, how did we never ask where the money's coming from?

00:44:07.680 Cause he wasn't like a rich, rich kid.

00:44:09.340 Like, I mean, I guess sort of, they had money saved up, but they were like, you know, but

00:44:13.800 we just were like, yep, whatever.

00:44:15.560 We got pills.

00:44:16.220 We're good.

00:44:18.340 It was pretty fucked up.

00:44:20.260 We're just kind of like, we were like, well, that's awful.

00:44:23.260 But I mean, we're going to do like insurance scams now.

00:44:27.020 Does he like just scam out other, like you got a taste for, like for stealing from old

00:44:30.980 people.

00:44:31.400 Now that's all he does.

00:44:32.580 He just doesn't, he's like one of those scammers just calls up.

00:44:34.920 Oh, I have no idea what's going on with that loser.

00:44:37.080 I can imagine him being some people that call up old people and just be like, input your

00:44:41.400 social security number.

00:44:42.940 Now input the, like your credit card number.

00:44:45.160 And they're like, okay, but he's like, all right, I did do that one time.

00:44:49.420 And I was very close to get my credit card stolen.

00:44:51.760 Like I'm an asshole, but I'm not that kind of asshole.

00:44:54.080 I did feel bad.

00:44:54.840 I'm like, that's fucked up.

00:44:55.700 I wouldn't have done that.

00:44:56.600 Had I known it from the beginning.

00:44:58.200 It's like, that's fucked up.

00:44:59.220 And I'm going to forget this after three Vicodin.

00:45:01.280 You know what's funny?

00:45:02.680 If you really think about it, that kid was probably operating at a loss.

00:45:06.120 I mean, he would have been better off just stealing the money rather than stealing,

00:45:10.540 buying, splitting, doing whatever the fuck.

00:45:13.240 He was a good friend.

00:45:15.200 He was just a terrible person.

00:45:16.580 Okay, Tom.

00:45:17.900 By the way, if Cole lost his credit card.

00:45:19.160 Was he a woman with that business acumen?

00:45:22.000 It wouldn't matter if Cole lost his credit card because he'd just donate more plasma and

00:45:25.720 they'd give him another one.

00:45:26.780 That's true.

00:45:29.940 You guys were like legit, like doing all this crazy, like, I don't know, like maybe like

00:45:35.100 legit crimes.

00:45:36.340 I don't know.

00:45:36.640 You guys have all been doing it?

00:45:37.560 That was a 100% toad.

00:45:40.040 That's a grand larceny is what that's called.

00:45:42.880 No, I was sitting around like, all I was doing was like pirating media.

00:45:47.320 And then I had this one scheme, this one time with one of my friends where we were,

00:45:50.520 we were effectively stealing Surge.

00:45:53.440 If you remember the soda Surge.

00:45:55.380 That is the most choking I've ever heard.

00:45:57.400 That is the very 90s plot you have going on.

00:45:59.180 They had this contest where they printed like six squares on the back of the label, like

00:46:04.520 a scratch ticket and every one was a possible winner.

00:46:07.200 You just had to scratch off the two that matched.

00:46:09.460 We found out that if you like held it up to a UV light, you could like see through it.

00:46:13.620 So you could win every time.

00:46:14.980 So we just were buying Surge.

00:46:16.440 We had all this, we had like stashes of labels and we were scratching them all off winning.

00:46:21.320 Next did you do it to oatmeal cream pies too, Toby?

00:46:24.740 Most of the time you win free Surge.

00:46:27.760 So you have to go get more Surge, get more of the labels.

00:46:30.440 So we were, that's why you are the way you are now.

00:46:36.260 Gambling and sugary drinks.

00:46:38.140 I understand your whole life now.

00:46:39.800 So guys, if you ever wonder why my sperm count is so dangerously low, it's all the Surge.

00:46:44.900 Yeah, it was, it was yellow number five and high fructose corn syrup.

00:46:48.240 Dude, Surge is off the market now for a reason.

00:46:50.560 And it's because Toad stole all of it.

00:46:52.940 Yeah, radioactive waste essentially for fucking a bunch of years.

00:46:56.380 Do you guys remember Sparks?

00:46:57.500 Sparks, those things, Sparks, they're kind of like those energy drinks, they're kind of like a four loco type thing.

00:47:03.600 They're similar, they don't make them anymore, I don't believe.

00:47:05.500 They're never four loco.

00:47:06.400 But they were, they're basically kind of like a four loco thing, like super strong, energy drink, alcohol.

00:47:11.340 Yeah, and they're like tall boys.

00:47:12.960 My buddies, one of my friends was involved in that operation, my best friend.

00:47:16.480 He would like every day steal like a few of those and me and him on our way into school would just like pound two of them.

00:47:21.260 We'd be all fucked up for the first like couple beers.

00:47:23.300 Y'all would pound basically two four locos before school.

00:47:28.480 That's insane.

00:47:32.640 And you're on pain pills too, right?

00:47:35.020 At the same time.

00:47:35.880 Yeah, that's how you're able to keep your shit.

00:47:37.500 You know, like, I don't know.

00:47:38.300 I'm pretty good when it comes to alcohol, keeping my, like, cool, like not be crazy.

00:47:43.120 I never would smoke weed at school.

00:47:44.680 That always freaked me the fuck out.

00:47:46.120 Yeah, that's crazy weed.

00:47:47.180 Let's pound four locos and do opioids.

00:47:48.800 Weed, though.

00:47:52.720 With those, like, they give you a sense of confidence.

00:47:55.700 Like, with weed, you're freaking the fuck out.

00:47:58.300 This reminds me of the first time I got a knife pulled on me.

00:48:00.500 It was actually by a guy named Serge, my Russian friend.

00:48:03.720 My Russian friend, he was piss drunk, probably from whatever the fuck you were drinking,

00:48:08.560 Jose.

00:48:08.980 And we're sitting in the back of the classroom and he just pulls a knife on me for no reason.

00:48:12.500 I was like, I'm going to get stabbed today.

00:48:14.400 He ended up not doing it, thank God.

00:48:15.680 But his name was Serge.

00:48:16.700 So God bless.

00:48:17.380 Shout out to Serge, wherever you're at right now.

00:48:18.500 Shout out, Serge.

00:48:19.300 Hell yes.

00:48:19.880 Yeah, Jose's like, do you guys ever, like, kidnap people in high school?

00:48:22.620 Like, is that amazing?

00:48:24.800 Anything cool?

00:48:26.120 My crime, my favorite crime in high school was vandalism.

00:48:28.760 Like, we used to do a lot of that.

00:48:30.220 Like, not paint stuff, but we would, like, trash people's houses, like, our friends.

00:48:34.860 But it's really their parents' house.

00:48:36.560 So we'd throw eggs at it and all kinds of shit like that.

00:48:38.640 That was a lot of fun.

00:48:39.300 Y'all remember, like, in high school, like, you know, doing double homicides?

00:48:42.200 Like, that was the funny thing.

00:48:44.120 I was never the one perpetrating the crime.

00:48:46.540 I was just a compliment.

00:48:47.340 Believe me.

00:48:47.980 I just held the knife to her throat.

00:48:50.400 Like, big deal.

00:48:51.200 I wasn't doing it.

00:48:51.820 That's not murder.

00:48:53.040 That's not, like, I, I, she still consented to me holding it there 100%.

00:48:57.800 I asked her, do you consent to this?

00:48:59.460 And she said, yeah.

00:49:00.480 Like, I told her I was going to stab her if she didn't.

00:49:03.160 But, you know, it doesn't matter.

00:49:04.520 She said, yes.

00:49:05.580 The knife is like sexual lubricant.

00:49:07.320 It makes things.

00:49:08.260 Yeah, it makes everything easier.

00:49:10.100 I was only committing single homicides because one single person is easier to control.

00:49:14.900 It's the only way that I can come now at this point.

00:49:17.120 I was going to say, Alvin, the house was supposed to come.

00:49:22.680 Oh, my God.

00:49:23.880 Put a knife to her throat.

00:49:24.720 Put a knife to my throat.

00:49:25.720 What's the station limitations on stealing from your grandparents, Jose?

00:49:29.960 Because that's.

00:49:31.180 I'm actually confused.

00:49:32.860 We need to get Tyler on sometime.

00:49:34.340 And I need to ask him if these, these things are actually illegal.

00:49:37.360 Because whenever they die, I know what.

00:49:39.520 I'll save you the trip.

00:49:40.320 They are.

00:49:40.900 Whatever you're going to say.

00:49:41.400 Because I didn't know for like then almost the entire time.

00:49:46.740 So you're running drugs.

00:49:48.360 What are you.

00:49:48.860 I don't care about that shit.

00:49:51.680 I mean, in a true libertarian society, would this be a crime?

00:49:56.820 What I did in this situation?

00:49:58.320 Well, think about this.

00:49:59.760 Think about this.

00:50:00.540 If you trace the ancestry of who was stolen from, if your grandparents die and then your

00:50:06.140 parents die, that shit is yours anyway.

00:50:08.020 So.

00:50:08.800 Yeah.

00:50:08.920 Anyways.

00:50:11.220 The point I'm getting at is like specifically the taking from the grandparents thing.

00:50:16.800 Now, like I didn't know.

00:50:18.080 So like legal, like under our legal system, I mean, I feel like that technically shouldn't

00:50:22.880 be illegal, but I don't know if it would be.

00:50:25.160 Once I know, I feel like it should be illegal.

00:50:27.640 Yes.

00:50:27.920 It should see now if he's making a profit and then he's giving them some interest and

00:50:31.940 that's, I mean, in a libertarian system, that's actually encouraged, but he probably

00:50:37.180 wasn't doing that.

00:50:38.320 Where's the rape fall into play?

00:50:39.840 I'm sure there's a rape story here coming.

00:50:41.580 Where's that fall in?

00:50:43.180 Oh, I've never.

00:50:43.680 As we all know, I did.

00:50:45.200 I have, I have had a woman accuse me of rape.

00:50:47.960 So that was in high school.

00:50:50.180 That was my first year of college.

00:50:52.520 Did you say I did not do it?

00:50:54.560 Did we not do it?

00:50:55.100 I never raped her.

00:50:55.840 Yes, I've, I've, I've mentioned how my ex-girlfriend accused me of raping her.

00:51:04.000 I thought we, I thought we were doing it.

00:51:05.000 I thought we were doing it.

00:51:05.380 I don't remember that at all.

00:51:06.860 Not guilty, your honor.

00:51:08.240 Not guilty.

00:51:11.000 Did you do it?

00:51:11.680 Not guilty.

00:51:12.000 She's a hoe.

00:51:13.260 That's why.

00:51:14.200 Oh, for sure.

00:51:16.580 She asked for it, your honor.

00:51:18.480 She told me to put that knife to her neck, your honor.

00:51:20.340 I swear to God.

00:51:21.080 She moved your own head, your honor.

00:51:23.940 All right.

00:51:24.260 I didn't move my hand.

00:51:25.220 She moved her head.

00:51:26.020 That's why I got to go.

00:51:26.440 I mean, do you know on the reel how easy it'd be to be a chick to, to like set up a dude

00:51:29.880 for rape?

00:51:30.360 And not, and then like, you could even make it convincing.

00:51:32.540 Cause like, say something like, you could just convince him you're into rough shit and

00:51:36.060 videotape.

00:51:36.500 It'd be that easy.

00:51:37.700 Better than that dumb.

00:51:39.260 I've thought about it.

00:51:40.240 I've never raped, obviously, but I thought it seems like rape would be kind of hard.

00:51:43.420 But I thought about raping.

00:51:43.740 No, I mean, I, that's why you got to hit him first.

00:51:48.360 It makes it way.

00:51:49.060 You loosen him up.

00:51:50.040 Look, man, it was just role play.

00:51:51.580 And she just didn't know about it first.

00:51:54.120 I was just acting out that scene from Sopranos.

00:51:56.980 That's it.

00:51:58.500 Yeah.

00:51:59.560 All right.

00:52:00.580 Maybe the worst scene in cinema, like in, in like TV cinema history for rape stuff for

00:52:07.240 just any, like that was like, yeah, that, okay.

00:52:10.000 I'm going to, I'll raise you a thing that always bothered me in casino.

00:52:13.200 You know, when they take Joe Pesci and his brother out into the desert and they hit him

00:52:17.100 with the steel bats, that shit is a brutal scene.

00:52:19.880 Cause you hear the tinks.

00:52:21.380 Oh yeah.

00:52:21.960 And then he's like, and he's just crying about his brother getting fucked up first.

00:52:24.420 That's a brutal scene.

00:52:26.440 You know what fucks with me?

00:52:27.960 The conundrum of being someone with a rape fantasy.

00:52:30.880 It literally can't happen.

00:52:34.160 Think about it.

00:52:34.840 What?

00:52:35.400 No, it's just fantasy.

00:52:37.100 You can't, you can't.

00:52:38.300 Oh, like it's impossible.

00:52:39.640 I thought you were saying that you have a fantasy to rape somebody.

00:52:43.800 No, no, there are chicks.

00:52:44.960 This is a common thing.

00:52:46.140 No, if you, if you want to get raped, it's not rape.

00:52:49.420 That's exactly.

00:52:50.240 So it's like, you could never really.

00:52:52.320 And like, I even talked to my wife about this and she said some shit like, I, I don't know,

00:52:56.000 I guess that's kind of hot.

00:52:57.260 And I'm like, so would you like.

00:52:58.940 Speaking of rape.

00:53:00.100 Yeah, I was like, so would you ever want me to just like rape you?

00:53:02.520 And you're like, well, no, that like scare me.

00:53:03.980 I'm like, what is the thinking here?

00:53:06.660 How could this be a fantasy?

00:53:08.060 Like, how does this be something you can go on?

00:53:08.980 I came in during a good stint here.

00:53:11.400 My wife.

00:53:12.000 She wanted it, your honor.

00:53:13.080 It's not rape.

00:53:13.700 If you, if you go on her Netflix, there's like one of the suggested columns is movies

00:53:17.420 about rape.

00:53:18.160 And I'm like.

00:53:18.780 That is not true.

00:53:19.980 That is not 100.

00:53:21.260 Are you serious?

00:53:22.660 No.

00:53:23.820 I was going to be like, really?

00:53:25.380 That's amazing.

00:53:25.940 It doesn't.

00:53:26.520 Dude, Netflix is getting hard.

00:53:27.740 They don't outright say it, but every fucking movie she watches.

00:53:30.980 Can I get your wife's Netflix password, please?

00:53:32.880 Because I haven't watched that one.

00:53:34.340 I'll give you my gas digital pass, too.

00:53:36.600 You fucking cheap bastards.

00:53:37.760 Hell yeah.

00:53:39.420 Holy shit.

00:53:40.160 Every movie.

00:53:40.940 My wife was like, oh, watch this movie.

00:53:42.180 It's like a, I don't know.

00:53:43.100 It's a comedic drama.

00:53:44.540 And we sit down and we watch it.

00:53:45.900 It's a romantic comedy.

00:53:47.000 And there's always rape in no matter what we watch.

00:53:49.520 I'm like, how is there always rape or like a baby being murdered?

00:53:52.320 Like, they love that shit.

00:53:53.400 Is the rape the comedy or the romance?

00:53:56.200 That's the question.

00:53:56.740 Talk, because women get off.

00:53:59.440 I laughed.

00:53:59.480 She cried.

00:54:00.600 Talk, listen.

00:54:01.600 Women get off on both of those things.

00:54:03.500 Women love abortions, and they love being controlled by men.

00:54:07.100 Think about it.

00:54:09.240 You lost me?

00:54:10.440 Okay.

00:54:11.060 Have you ever been with a woman?

00:54:13.820 It's a crazy thing to say.

00:54:15.340 They're so dominating.

00:54:18.060 Yeah.

00:54:18.520 It's like, no, that hurts.

00:54:20.100 Stop.

00:54:20.600 Don't do that.

00:54:21.400 It's literally, that's what sex is.

00:54:23.340 It's that and then a little bit of like.

00:54:25.840 How'd you get in here?

00:54:27.100 Who are you?

00:54:29.120 I'm very uncomfortable.

00:54:31.160 No, please stop.

00:54:32.500 Why does your penis look like that?

00:54:34.680 Should we transition to this Harvey Weinstein shit?

00:54:38.000 No.

00:54:38.740 Honestly, I'd rather talk about any of the other topics.

00:54:41.420 Yeah.

00:54:42.620 Harvey Weinstein has a fish dick, okay?

00:54:44.700 That's.

00:54:44.800 Yeah.

00:54:45.600 Do you like fish dicks?

00:54:47.380 I knew.

00:54:47.740 Yeah, but the reason why we know that is because it came out in his trial, and they were passing

00:54:53.200 pictures of his dick as evidence.

00:54:56.040 What does that mean, fish dick?

00:54:57.500 It just means it was like scaly or something.

00:54:59.800 Like, he probably had like a dry skin, is what I would think.

00:55:04.120 You know what I mean?

00:55:04.400 It was probably from him getting out of that pussy.

00:55:06.580 When I heard it, I was thinking that his, the tip of his penis was open like a large mouth

00:55:11.160 bass.

00:55:11.420 Me too.

00:55:11.940 That's what I was thinking.

00:55:12.860 And so when he comes, it's just volume, but no pressure.

00:55:18.080 So it was just like.

00:55:19.540 Like he has a really like big opening for his penis.

00:55:23.400 When he comes, when he comes, his dick sings like big mouth Billy Bass.

00:55:28.360 All right.

00:55:29.160 Okay.

00:55:29.900 Oh, good one, Toad.

00:55:31.060 Did you ever hear that Jeffrey Epstein had like a weird mushroom tip dick?

00:55:36.260 You ever hear that?

00:55:36.540 I'll do.

00:55:38.000 Why do you think they call me Toad?

00:55:39.420 Oh, I guess you could be confused for a minor Toad.

00:55:46.220 So he might have like had you in his ring and you're like, no, dude, I'm like, you know,

00:55:49.800 I'm like 27.

00:55:50.900 Oh, sorry.

00:55:51.820 But I meant my dick, not his, but we all have, if you're not circumcised, it's basically all

00:55:58.480 looks like a mushroom top.

00:55:59.600 I don't like, that's not.

00:56:01.240 Yeah.

00:56:01.400 Are you not circumcised top?

00:56:03.000 No, that's what I'm saying.

00:56:04.400 Yeah, there you go.

00:56:05.420 Yeah, no, but our dicks are more aesthetic, aesthetically pleasing.

00:56:08.200 Adam, do you have a son?

00:56:10.680 Yeah.

00:56:11.760 Is he circumcised?

00:56:13.340 You have a kid, Adam?

00:56:14.600 Yeah.

00:56:15.220 Tell us about your kid's dick, dog.

00:56:18.300 It's small still.

00:56:19.940 Hopefully he fills into it.

00:56:24.440 How old is your son?

00:56:26.340 He was 11.

00:56:27.960 11.

00:56:28.320 11?

00:56:28.820 Oh, he's about to start jerking.

00:56:31.940 He might have already started jerking.

00:56:33.180 He has started jerking.

00:56:35.480 Believe it or not, I haven't talked to him about it.

00:56:37.160 Yeah, that's something you want to know.

00:56:39.220 If he busts some cavilers in his leg right now.

00:56:41.680 Wait, how old are you, Adam?

00:56:42.900 35.

00:56:43.900 35?

00:56:44.180 I'll be 36 in...

00:56:45.460 Dude, I have a 12-year-old.

00:56:47.720 Oh, yeah.

00:56:48.560 That's true.

00:56:49.280 Yeah, I started late.

00:56:50.360 He started jilling, dude.

00:56:52.580 She's going.

00:56:53.360 Wait, Top, how old are you?

00:56:56.440 34.

00:56:57.560 34, yeah.

00:56:59.100 And you have only, what, like, he's only 5, right?

00:57:01.620 My kid's going to be 13.

00:57:03.320 No, no, Top's son.

00:57:04.780 My son is 2 and my daughter is 4.

00:57:07.020 Top's son is the younger one.

00:57:08.820 He's a big kid, though.

00:57:10.300 You're what, 31, Jose?

00:57:12.180 Yeah, it's weird.

00:57:13.260 He just said 34.

00:57:14.460 Are you retarded?

00:57:15.520 I know.

00:57:16.120 Top said 34, retard.

00:57:17.860 Jesus.

00:57:18.360 Are you retarded?

00:57:20.600 Correction, you're retarded.

00:57:22.440 It's been all indignant.

00:57:23.540 Like, fuck you, Reed.

00:57:24.680 I just want to point out.

00:57:25.420 Fuck you.

00:57:26.520 I like how Cole's going to take this opportunity to jump down Reed's throat.

00:57:30.360 It was so aggressive.

00:57:31.540 No, I like how when Cole ever makes a mistake in any way, he can blame it on the plasma.

00:57:36.100 Oh, yeah.

00:57:36.500 It's so easy.

00:57:37.140 I have it out now.

00:57:38.440 I mean, this is great.

00:57:40.820 My body spent years trying to overproduce blood.

00:57:44.340 Adam, has your kid come yet?

00:57:47.180 Do we know?

00:57:48.640 I'll check in.

00:57:50.460 I'll report back.

00:57:52.480 At least you have boys.

00:57:55.440 Yeah, the only show where we talk about kids masturbation.

00:57:57.760 Like, there's so much stuff that I'm just like, honey, you deal with that.

00:58:00.960 I don't even want to know.

00:58:03.060 We don't know if they'll ever come.

00:58:05.660 It's crazy.

00:58:06.800 No, I don't want them to ever come.

00:58:08.480 That's weird.

00:58:09.120 No, see, if Jose just doesn't pay attention to it, it's not happening.

00:58:13.780 No, if I had a son, I wouldn't give a fuck.

00:58:15.620 Like, I mean, I wouldn't want to know about it.

00:58:17.020 But if you guys are like, hey, he jerks up.

00:58:18.840 Yeah, of course he does.

00:58:19.600 He's a fucking 11-year-old.

00:58:20.880 Right, right.

00:58:21.560 But see, if you have a girl, you don't want to know anything about it.

00:58:23.840 It's like Pandora's pussy over there.

00:58:26.060 I don't know what's going on.

00:58:26.920 What if you found out that your daughter was like a squirter?

00:58:29.660 That's how you found out.

00:58:32.300 The walls were like dripping, and she's like, Daddy, why'd you come in here?

00:58:36.200 Like the poltergeist.

00:58:37.980 Oh, that is shit.

00:58:39.180 Stop pissing, you fucking whore.

00:58:42.220 Why are your walls sweating?

00:58:43.360 I know it's not squirt.

00:58:44.480 Squirt isn't real.

00:58:45.140 It's piss.

00:58:45.660 Stop pissing in your bed.

00:58:46.840 It's poltergeist, except her hips are turning all the way around.

00:58:48.920 No, it's not squirts, because your mom never squirts.

00:58:51.480 Or that's exorcist.

00:58:52.300 I'm thinking of exorcists.

00:58:53.740 God damn it.

00:58:54.180 I knew you're a mama's girl, too, right?

00:58:57.740 Oh, my God.

00:58:58.800 Would you rather have your daughter's comes off and wipe that shit up?

00:59:01.140 No, I don't want to hear this, Cole.

00:59:02.800 It sounds like it's going to be bad.

00:59:03.860 It involves my daughter.

00:59:04.820 Shit the fuck.

00:59:05.980 Would you rather your daughter piss her bed or squirt her bed?

00:59:09.020 Like, that's the...

00:59:09.780 Yes.

00:59:10.300 Squirt is piss.

00:59:11.180 Piss every day.

00:59:12.260 Tyler asks if it's squirting hereditary.

00:59:15.220 No, but it's definitely dominant.

00:59:21.440 You're like a female lion of your house.

00:59:23.200 See, that's the...

00:59:23.700 I'm having a little boy.

00:59:25.020 He should be here in about a week.

00:59:26.840 You go into Jose's house, and everything is just wet.

00:59:29.680 It's sticky.

00:59:31.120 It's like being claimed in territory.

00:59:33.360 It's like, I would love to leave, but I'm stuck to your chair.

00:59:36.280 It's three women and cats.

00:59:38.300 Like, it is going to be the stickiest house of all time.

00:59:40.820 Dude, I have two daughters, and they're 10 and 12.

00:59:43.540 And it's like, they're already starting in the...

00:59:45.220 The 12-year-old's already there-ish, but they're, like, starting in that bitchy, like,

00:59:49.460 pre-teen, teen spot.

00:59:50.800 I'm like, ugh.

00:59:51.960 The worst.

00:59:52.880 And they're also, like, going through changes, and I'm like, I don't want to know about that.

00:59:58.220 I had to have a discussion with my wife, because my youngest was like...

01:00:01.980 We finally had to get her to start using a train bra, because it was just like,

01:00:05.020 her nipples were inappropriately poking through shirts.

01:00:07.760 And you're like...

01:00:08.620 You're just like...

01:00:09.380 As a father, you're like, I don't want to talk about this.

01:00:12.160 You keep walking around the house hard all the time, okay?

01:00:13.500 I'm like, I don't notice this.

01:00:15.580 My wife had to point it out to me.

01:00:18.800 And I'm just like, why would you point that out?

01:00:20.640 Just you talk to her.

01:00:22.120 I don't want to think about that at all.

01:00:25.020 I try not to look at these kids, okay?

01:00:29.640 It's never, like, a cool transformation.

01:00:31.060 It's not like your daughter comes to you.

01:00:31.980 She's like, Dad, I'm going through a transformation.

01:00:33.200 I don't want to tell everybody appears.

01:00:33.960 She's like, no, I turned into a werewolf.

01:00:35.260 Like, all right, let's go.

01:00:35.980 That would be nice if it was a werewolf.

01:00:40.040 Like, oh, shit.

01:00:40.740 Kill some vampires.

01:00:42.760 It is kind of adorable, though.

01:00:45.980 My oldest one has gone through a period, all right?

01:00:48.080 So I had to deal with that, like, had to come to school and save her as a dad.

01:00:51.780 And that is kind of an adorable moment.

01:00:53.580 Because you're like, here I am, let's go.

01:00:54.840 Because this is a Burt Kreischer thing.

01:00:57.120 And it is, like, apparently a thing now for girls to have a period party.

01:01:02.740 Yeah, I heard that.

01:01:03.420 To have a period party.

01:01:04.340 Oh, God.

01:01:04.940 I hate you.

01:01:05.280 I feel like Jose did have a period party.

01:01:06.980 I feel like I'm in an Adam Nutter comedy show.

01:01:08.960 No, I bought her some chocolate and a few things she liked.

01:01:11.800 I left it in her room.

01:01:13.720 I, you know, brought her home.

01:01:15.180 Didn't, like, from school.

01:01:16.200 No, dude, this is apparently a thing out there.

01:01:17.820 And just, like, let her go to her room.

01:01:19.300 They have a period party.

01:01:20.300 They name it.

01:01:21.860 And usually it's a guy's name, which is very fucking weird.

01:01:24.520 And they'll, like, they'll get them a cake.

01:01:26.040 It's the jazz.

01:01:27.160 They invite all their, like, friends over.

01:01:29.600 Including guys.

01:01:30.980 They'll invite other, like, little boys to a period party.

01:01:34.640 Very fucking weird.

01:01:35.280 This is terrible.

01:01:35.820 And this is 100% real.

01:01:37.000 This happens now.

01:01:38.520 Mostly in California.

01:01:39.400 But it happens.

01:01:40.200 Please nuke us.

01:01:42.400 This is real in the sense of they're putting litter boxes in the school reel.

01:01:46.360 Like, yeah, I'm sure it happened somewhere.

01:01:47.860 But, like, let's be real.

01:01:49.060 Who fucking cares?

01:01:49.680 I don't know, man.

01:01:50.720 I don't know.

01:01:51.660 People are really going fucking crazy.

01:01:53.520 Toad, you are not the threshold for, you know, believing things.

01:01:57.120 Knowing what's going on for young women.

01:01:59.620 Believing things.

01:02:01.120 Well, I've just been in general.

01:02:03.280 Like, not even just because he has no expertise.

01:02:05.280 But Toad will read a news story, like, you know, that's from, like, a right-wing angle

01:02:10.020 about something some leftist did.

01:02:11.680 And they'll just be like, oh, my God.

01:02:13.180 I can't believe this.

01:02:14.100 Like, Toad, that's not real.

01:02:15.900 But it's all right.

01:02:16.480 No, that's only happened from the Daily Inquirer.

01:02:22.360 The Daily Stormer, actually.

01:02:24.180 I will say this.

01:02:28.180 Concerning my, like, our kids' sexual activities.

01:02:31.620 Concerning my child's sexual activities.

01:02:34.180 I'm going to throw a party when my son breaks for the first time.

01:02:36.700 All right, it's going to happen, and it's going to be great.

01:02:40.000 I'll congratulate him.

01:02:41.020 It's going to be awesome.

01:02:41.700 His first ejaculate party.

01:02:44.620 Are you going to bronze it?

01:02:46.960 What?

01:02:47.240 Are you going to get his first ejaculate bronze?

01:02:49.820 Because you know he's going to be beating off or he starts actually coming.

01:02:53.480 I mean, you would actually – I don't know.

01:02:56.320 This is so weird.

01:02:56.860 Because as a dad, wouldn't you want to be the one to teach your son how to jerk –

01:03:00.940 Like, you'd be like –

01:03:01.400 Nope, stop, stop.

01:03:01.940 I don't want him to learn from his fucking weird friend or cousin like I did.

01:03:08.680 No, yes, you do.

01:03:09.820 Yes, yes.

01:03:10.780 That is not a part you need to be involved in.

01:03:13.200 That's how I learned.

01:03:14.320 What do you do?

01:03:15.240 Have an awkward conversation?

01:03:16.780 Be like, this is all you –

01:03:17.720 Adam, you're from the east.

01:03:20.580 You're from the northeast.

01:03:21.800 Did you guys ever have the black box for the old table shit?

01:03:25.220 Dude, of course we did.

01:03:26.000 Yeah, oh, yeah.

01:03:27.220 Of course we did.

01:03:28.120 The hot box.

01:03:28.780 This is how I learned about porn and about girls.

01:03:31.180 That we're talking about?

01:03:32.240 No, I had the good shit.

01:03:33.760 The hot box.

01:03:34.380 Yeah, you just get to watch it.

01:03:35.980 Yeah, the white box is the one you had to charge up.

01:03:37.920 Then there was a black box.

01:03:38.860 You just like plugged it in and it went forever.

01:03:41.780 And like my cousins would sleep over –

01:03:43.820 All right, you remember the old cable boxes with the red numbers on it?

01:03:47.840 You guys are probably too young.

01:03:49.680 Cable 11 used to be awesome back in the day is what we found out.

01:03:52.800 I had all the cable growing up.

01:03:54.220 Yeah, like F19, like all kinds of weird buttons on this black controller.

01:03:58.000 But you could take the auxiliary cables out and like daisy chain them into this –

01:04:02.340 It was like a black box like this.

01:04:04.220 Oh, you're still a cable?

01:04:05.660 Yeah, yeah.

01:04:06.200 You flick the on box.

01:04:07.040 Yeah.

01:04:07.480 Another one of my favorite crimes.

01:04:12.040 So anyway, my cousins would sleep over at my house and then they would like bring the black box.

01:04:15.600 Someone would have it and then we would just like watch porn.

01:04:18.000 Or it would be like Christmas, Christmas Eve and it would be like a big thing at my grandma's house.

01:04:22.400 Yeah, it would be a big jerk-off party.

01:04:23.880 And we go to my uncle's room and we'd all watch porn and that's how I found out about –

01:04:28.000 The Spice Channel.

01:04:29.220 The Spice Channel.

01:04:30.040 Wait, wait.

01:04:30.520 You also jerked off.

01:04:32.060 Oh, yeah.

01:04:32.340 The Spice Channel.

01:04:33.600 Yeah, that was the black porn channel.

01:04:35.200 Yeah, I remember.

01:04:35.600 No, no, no, no.

01:04:36.160 No, it wasn't jerking off.

01:04:37.460 Whoa, whoa.

01:04:38.200 We don't want black porn here.

01:04:40.840 We're not animals.

01:04:41.580 I stayed at my roots.

01:04:44.140 That was the Playboy channel and then the next channel was the Spice Channel.

01:04:47.500 Yeah.

01:04:47.840 There was like two –

01:04:48.280 All I got growing up was censored commercials for Girls Gone Wild.

01:04:56.440 That's all I had.

01:04:57.240 Yeah, that too.

01:04:58.380 Yeah.

01:04:58.880 I would watch that.

01:04:59.680 I would watch BET late night videos because that was pretty much porn.

01:05:03.720 Wait.

01:05:04.160 Cole, you needed cooler friends.

01:05:05.420 You needed friends whose fathers had the Girls Gone Wild DVDs and you could watch that shit.

01:05:10.600 I did not have those.

01:05:11.560 Have any of you guys ever seen those –

01:05:13.640 the porns that are like racist gangbangs?

01:05:16.640 Like those are the funniest to listen to.

01:05:18.800 I can't get off without them.

01:05:20.200 What are you talking about?

01:05:20.660 No, like not even –

01:05:21.460 Just turn on the audio and just listen to it.

01:05:24.100 Like the story.

01:05:25.400 Like it's always the most hilarious shit.

01:05:27.240 And it can go either way.

01:05:28.420 Like it can be a white chicken like getting ready and then they really overemphasize on a bunch of black dudes.

01:05:32.820 Or the reverse where, you know, we'll be a fucking black chicken and a bunch of white dudes.

01:05:36.900 And it's like they'll usually be racist either way.

01:05:39.180 It's always the funniest shit.

01:05:41.120 Like just hearing them like talk.

01:05:42.420 It'll be like the most racist shit you can think of.

01:05:44.680 I'm going to –

01:05:45.200 This is what I'm going to do for my wife.

01:05:47.640 Like whatever.

01:05:48.120 Like, oh, I have some new comedy for you.

01:05:49.760 Just like research up porno.

01:05:52.600 No, just listen.

01:05:53.500 We don't have to watch it.

01:05:54.280 Just listen.

01:05:54.740 It's really funny.

01:05:55.480 It's orange.

01:05:56.560 Jose said it's a story.

01:05:58.060 Listen to the story.

01:05:59.140 It's a really funny story and it's racist.

01:06:01.180 You'll love it.

01:06:02.020 It always baffles me when I say black girl noise.

01:06:04.480 Because, you know, it's like, you know, how new movies, like everyone's like, oh, the special effects were so good.

01:06:10.700 But the story still sucks.

01:06:12.080 So it's just – it doesn't really get you going.

01:06:14.080 It's the same with porn.

01:06:15.700 Like it can be real HD and good camera angles.

01:06:18.340 But if there's no story, it's like, you know, it's just –

01:06:20.860 I don't know what's going on.

01:06:22.580 Why is this dude fucking this chick?

01:06:25.520 I want to know, man.

01:06:26.860 For the purposes of baiting, I don't need no story.

01:06:28.780 But it is sometimes funny to just be like, I wonder what the story is here.

01:06:32.080 Those ones are hilarious.

01:06:33.520 I will say that.

01:06:34.620 So there are some that are funny.

01:06:36.420 There is a new –

01:06:37.200 Comedy by the white porn.

01:06:38.760 That is 100% true.

01:06:40.080 Like that is –

01:06:40.720 There's a new category of porn, which, Adam, you might like.

01:06:43.780 It's a mixed – what's it called?

01:06:46.420 Mixed wrestling?

01:06:47.900 No, I'm joking.

01:06:48.720 We'll get to that.

01:06:49.740 Mixed wrestling?

01:06:51.180 Yeah, it's weird.

01:06:51.940 Oh, I've seen those.

01:06:53.000 They're retarded.

01:06:53.600 My friend sent me one.

01:06:56.680 Yeah, but they're like actual like good jujitsu players.

01:07:01.480 They're like rolling and then like start sucking back and then roll again.

01:07:05.220 They roll, yes, yes.

01:07:06.860 And they try to like tap each other.

01:07:08.440 It's the weirdest shit.

01:07:09.700 Yeah, that's like –

01:07:10.440 Did you ever watch Bong's stream to get the illegal streams of the MMA fights

01:07:14.680 and the guy that was running that during the commercial breaks

01:07:17.180 would put gay porn in the middle of them?

01:07:18.840 Do you remember that?

01:07:19.080 That's pretty funny.

01:07:20.420 That's pretty funny though.

01:07:21.160 But it was wrestling porn.

01:07:22.500 It was like these two men were like in this locker room.

01:07:25.000 Like what's going on here?

01:07:25.940 Then they start wrestling.

01:07:27.140 Then their clothes are off.

01:07:28.500 I'm like, oh, fuck.

01:07:29.300 This is gay porn.

01:07:30.340 I just made a think of the casting call for those –

01:07:32.240 I'll close her off and then I'm jerking.

01:07:33.000 The casting call for wrestling porn was like, we need a hot chick.

01:07:37.300 You're a good-looking dude.

01:07:38.060 You also need at least a blue doll and BJJ.

01:07:39.720 No, they're not hot.

01:07:40.660 These girls are not hot.

01:07:42.160 That's why I'm like at some point –

01:07:43.180 Yeah, they look like BJJ in scriptures.

01:07:44.880 They all look like BJ Penn and they're all like just rolling.

01:07:49.900 But at some point I'm watching and I'm like, what is she doing there?

01:07:52.520 I'm looking at the technique.

01:07:54.200 David Brady said jiu-jitsu who runs the industry.

01:08:00.880 David Brady said jiu-jitsu who's going to come after you for that statement.

01:08:07.760 Dude, imagine though that there actually is good enough like technique in the wrestling

01:08:13.440 cord category that they were like, all right, I need to learn this new technique.

01:08:17.680 But the best person, the best person in the world is on X Hamster.

01:08:23.060 And we have to go there.

01:08:24.020 Like I swear to God.

01:08:24.800 Like you have to watch this.

01:08:26.240 UFC signs his first fighter from the porn industry.

01:08:29.200 Like John Danaher is watching X Hamster.

01:08:31.560 Yeah, it's like –

01:08:32.920 I'm studying jiu-jitsu technique.

01:08:35.920 Gordon Ryan is like, I'm doing it for research.

01:08:38.860 It's like when they're naked, you get to actually see how the body moves and works, okay?

01:08:43.000 That's what you need to see.

01:08:44.020 I don't care.

01:08:44.320 Yeah, you see how he's fully erect as he extends the arm on the fulcrum for the arm bar?

01:08:49.700 It's no gi in its purest form.

01:08:55.700 Only the people who roll get that.

01:08:57.320 Well, it really is like because I went through my first BJJ class.

01:09:01.220 And it was – as a beginner, it is incredibly like erotic like whenever you go to roll with somebody because it's like –

01:09:10.320 You guys, Cole's gay, right?

01:09:13.300 No, Cole.

01:09:14.480 The thing was I had a – like I was –

01:09:16.500 I was like, whoa, this is hot, man.

01:09:18.960 Like, no.

01:09:19.880 Yeah.

01:09:20.200 It's actually funny.

01:09:22.460 The reason – the reason – the exact reason Cole is describing this as erotic is the only reason I don't do jiu-jitsu.

01:09:30.100 Like, I did not like that.

01:09:32.040 Well, I'm telling you that because there was a guy and he was – he must have been very good.

01:09:36.500 He was very flexible.

01:09:37.700 He had – he was on his back, but his legs were behind his head.

01:09:42.480 And so Cole's ass is sticking right up in the air.

01:09:45.800 And I literally asked him.

01:09:47.100 I was like, what am I supposed to do here?

01:09:48.620 I can't – I don't know what to do.

01:09:50.260 He was like, she got to take my leg.

01:09:51.960 And I was like – but you're just – it literally looked like – like prime – if there was a woman, it would be prime for like just like pile driving.

01:10:01.660 That's – like – but it was just a dude.

01:10:03.600 Just a hairy fucking dude.

01:10:05.340 Head – and like his legs behind his head.

01:10:08.300 And he would not move from that position.

01:10:10.120 And he was like, this is like a great position.

01:10:12.160 I was like, yeah, it is.

01:10:13.420 It's 100% great for me.

01:10:15.200 Like, I have to fucking get on top of you at this point.

01:10:18.600 It was so fucking weird.

01:10:19.820 And there was also other like – I mean, you'll get on their – you'll get their back.

01:10:24.660 And it's just doggy style.

01:10:26.000 That's all it is.

01:10:26.860 And you're just like hugging them.

01:10:28.620 I mean –

01:10:28.960 I think this guy tricked you into fucking him.

01:10:30.780 It's just not a lie.

01:10:32.660 This isn't even a thought process I can recall ever after.

01:10:36.240 He's like, and then he gave me wine.

01:10:38.020 What?

01:10:38.260 Is that not normal?

01:10:38.980 Like, I wrestled and I did jiu-jitsu.

01:10:41.480 I know –

01:10:42.080 There were cameras there, and I kept seeing like different – there was a producer.

01:10:46.600 Yeah, I got sleepy.

01:10:48.080 Cole was like, why is the name of this place Dojo Homo?

01:10:52.400 I really don't even relate.

01:10:54.280 I know, Top, you've only really done boxing.

01:10:56.120 I don't think you've done it all around.

01:10:57.140 So, Adam, you've had to have done a lot of jiu-jitsu.

01:10:59.400 Like, did you wrestle as a kid?

01:11:00.620 I didn't do that much, no.

01:11:01.840 So, I started fighting like 0-4, 0-5.

01:11:04.040 And that was like when jiu-jitsu still wasn't like well-respected in MMA as much.

01:11:08.920 It was still like, just knock him out.

01:11:10.060 Oh, it was a lot of that.

01:11:10.820 I was like, you've got to jiu-jitsu.

01:11:11.740 It was like, just punch him.

01:11:12.580 I was like, what are you, gay?

01:11:13.380 This guy's in a pencil on his back.

01:11:14.800 Just punch him.

01:11:16.500 That's kind of what it was.

01:11:18.020 I don't know.

01:11:18.280 Just for me, I never was like, oh my god.

01:11:20.300 This is – I mean, but maybe – I started wrestling in like early high school.

01:11:23.980 So, it was like – for me, maybe I did have that moment.

01:11:26.100 I don't even recall.

01:11:27.260 But like, yeah.

01:11:28.180 That's not even a thing when I'd roll.

01:11:29.560 My objective is whatever I'm trying to do.

01:11:31.440 The choke, the fucking arm bar, a pin, whatever.

01:11:34.180 Like, I'm never thinking like, oh yeah, fuck, this is kind of gay.

01:11:39.200 I was at like a fall festival.

01:11:40.820 Erotic is what he said.

01:11:41.420 And like this – one of the friends of ours, he was like, oh yeah, our son is like really good at wrestling.

01:11:46.740 He's like 13, 14.

01:11:48.740 He's like, what's up?

01:11:50.060 And he was like, oh, show him some moves.

01:11:53.160 And so, I had to wrestle this 14-year-old kid.

01:11:55.620 I mean, how do I feel doing –

01:11:56.580 Like, and I actually did –

01:11:58.020 I took him down, which I felt very weird.

01:12:00.460 I was like, I don't – I've never wrestled.

01:12:02.400 I took this kid down, and he's won like state as like a 13-year-old.

01:12:06.260 I mean, I did have 60 pounds on him.

01:12:08.760 That's a big difference.

01:12:09.900 I know.

01:12:10.480 It is a big difference.

01:12:11.680 You're also 25 years old when this happened.

01:12:14.400 Yeah.

01:12:14.780 But it just – it felt very weird.

01:12:16.640 Like, I was like – and I got his back.

01:12:18.460 But I didn't – like, they were trying to do it off of like actual wrestling like points.

01:12:23.280 And so, you can't – like, there's – it's so weird.

01:12:25.280 Like, they were like – because I like – I put – I went to like put my arms around him

01:12:28.900 and like actually squeeze him because I was like, I can squeeze this kid.

01:12:32.140 And fucking like – he squeezed him.

01:12:33.340 He said, imagine what I could do if I had it on my flask.

01:12:36.660 And then his dad was like, oh, you can't cross your arms.

01:12:39.860 I was like, that's the dumbest thing I ever fucking heard.

01:12:42.160 And so I was like – and I was like, okay, whatever.

01:12:44.860 He squeezed him.

01:12:45.460 He said, I'm going to fuck you until you love me.

01:12:48.720 Meld his hair like a bag of weed.

01:12:50.420 Meld his mouth.

01:12:52.960 He sniffed him like Joe Biden.

01:12:54.920 Wait, your dick isn't supposed to be out during this?

01:12:56.920 What?

01:12:57.460 I will say –

01:12:58.540 Isn't there a whole – isn't there a whole fucking, like, position that's like a north – is it north-south?

01:13:04.220 Like, where you're literally like –

01:13:05.720 Yeah, a dick to face basically.

01:13:07.540 Yeah, it's like 69.

01:13:09.140 60, 69.

01:13:10.080 Yeah.

01:13:11.280 Yeah.

01:13:12.060 It's so fucking weird.

01:13:13.260 You get a good arm triangle.

01:13:14.100 It is weird that when you roll a chick, like a cute chick, it is weird because it's – on one, like, at least with a dude, you're like, you're going full.

01:13:25.820 Because, like, even if it's a guy who's not very good, you still can't let up because you're like, you could always make you look foolish.

01:13:31.260 With a chick, it's like, even if they're good, it's like, there's no hope for you to make me look foolish.

01:13:36.840 So if anything, you're like, you're never really going 100%.

01:13:39.860 You're usually trying to let her get – so you're almost limp-wristing going through this shit.

01:13:43.740 And so it feels more fake, so it is weird when you're, like, dick to her fucking cooch and, like, doing –

01:13:49.700 You know what I mean?

01:13:50.560 Like –

01:13:50.880 If you do go hard as fuck, then you're just seen as the asshole that is beating up on the –

01:13:55.020 Yeah, you're right, dude!

01:13:56.560 So there was a girl in my class – in my gym, and she would – like, when it was, like, Fridays and we would spar, she would take advantage because the guys wouldn't hit her.

01:14:06.560 Like, we would kind of dance around.

01:14:08.280 I would knock that bitch out.

01:14:11.660 And I was doing the same thing.

01:14:12.820 I'm, like, kind of dancing and, like, poking and moving.

01:14:15.240 And then she caught me, like, a couple of times, and I was like, oh, no.

01:14:17.980 So I hit her with a good left hook, and, like, that was the last of that.

01:14:21.140 But, like, yeah, they do take advantage.

01:14:22.620 It's wild how easily beat-up-able women are.

01:14:25.600 Like, it's, like –

01:14:26.780 It's so easy.

01:14:28.280 It's natural for us.

01:14:29.440 It's ingrained in our heads.

01:14:30.720 Like, we practice at home.

01:14:33.960 Even if I have zero, like, MMA knowledge, if I never fought or anything like that, like, sometimes I'll fuck around with my wife, like, just, like, wrestle with her.

01:14:41.100 And I'm, like, oh, I could just – I could kill you.

01:14:43.040 Like, it's not even – like, you couldn't put up a fight.

01:14:44.560 You couldn't stop me if I wanted to.

01:14:46.060 It's, like, wild.

01:14:47.860 I think I did this.

01:14:48.820 I – after my first BJJ class, the next morning – or the next day, I was, like – to my pregnant wife, I was, like, okay, I'm going to show you some of the moves I learned last night.

01:14:56.980 And I was, like, now, whenever you fall over, you're going to use your hands to brace yourself on the floor.

01:15:02.900 And she was, like, you do not do this to me.

01:15:04.700 The whole is taking down pregnant women now.

01:15:06.880 Me and my wife were telling us the other day, like, I've told you guys before, my wife's an epileptic.

01:15:10.780 She has this shit under control now.

01:15:12.040 But it was a period of time of, like, a year where just, like, it was completely uncontrolled.

01:15:15.680 And she would have crazy seizures.

01:15:16.800 And we couldn't just figure out what we need to get her on to stop.

01:15:20.220 And it was a nightmare.

01:15:21.160 But there were, like – she would do weird shit sometimes.

01:15:24.100 It was different type of seizures.

01:15:25.420 It was usually, like, post-seizure where sometimes she just wouldn't really be there.

01:15:29.100 It was almost like she'd be, like, you know, doing shit but, like, not making any fucking sense.

01:15:33.620 Almost, like, super drunk or some shit.

01:15:35.620 Like, doing weird, crazy shit.

01:15:37.620 Easily advantageable, right?

01:15:38.880 Yeah.

01:15:39.360 Well, it was more just, like, you're having to deal with this hassle.

01:15:42.180 Like, I remember one time she did it, like, while we were driving.

01:15:44.580 I had to pull over.

01:15:45.680 And she got out of the car.

01:15:46.780 Like, she got out of the car and I had to, like, get out of the car and be like, no.

01:15:48.900 Because, like, I knew what state she was in.

01:15:51.300 She wasn't –

01:15:51.820 You had to knock her out and put her back in the car.

01:15:53.440 No, I had to be like, come on, honey.

01:15:54.880 Let's get back in the car.

01:15:55.960 Like, she's very out of it.

01:15:57.000 Yeah, it's a petite mall scene.

01:15:58.440 Yeah, and she fucking –

01:15:59.640 When you're not completely out of it.

01:16:00.420 And it was like she was getting all upset.

01:16:02.240 And at one point she was like, stop touching me.

01:16:03.980 Like, you're screaming on the side of the road.

01:16:05.280 I'm like, oh, my God.

01:16:05.880 People are going to think I'm beating my wife.

01:16:07.160 I'm just trying to gently corral her back in the car.

01:16:10.580 And, like, me and my wife were talking about this before.

01:16:13.300 It was just – it's funny that, like, going through that with her,

01:16:16.200 it was, like, having to deal with situations like that was more, like,

01:16:18.720 almost, like –

01:16:19.740 I mean, obviously it was scary.

01:16:20.820 But it was also, like, kind of, like, just cute and adorable.

01:16:23.120 Like, just stop.

01:16:23.800 Come on.

01:16:24.020 Let's go.

01:16:24.520 Like, it was never, like, I even thought, like,

01:16:26.900 she was even a threat or anything to be worried about.

01:16:29.280 I just had to contain her.

01:16:30.280 But, like, come on.

01:16:30.700 Move this way.

01:16:31.440 Let's go.

01:16:31.960 But, like, if it happened to me, it would be, like, a living nightmare.

01:16:36.000 Like, it would be, like, if I had a seizure and I was just being weird like that,

01:16:39.280 it would be, like, he could kill us.

01:16:42.600 But for her, that's not even, like –

01:16:44.260 Like, what – you're – like, you're not –

01:16:45.980 This is what happened with Chris Benoit.

01:16:47.360 He just had a little bit of thing, and he just snapped, killed all his family,

01:16:51.080 and he was, like, oh.

01:16:52.120 Had a momentary lapse of judgment.

01:16:53.780 We all were there.

01:16:54.440 Yeah, it was, like –

01:16:55.000 Chris Benoit did nothing wrong.

01:16:55.300 And they couldn't do anything to stop him.

01:16:56.780 He was – he was literally an unstoppable force.

01:16:59.740 He was just –

01:17:00.280 He took it on four human beings.

01:17:02.400 It's pretty good.

01:17:04.260 It's just funny how, like, in that situation,

01:17:06.320 I see here as, like, not even this closest thing to a threat

01:17:09.120 or something to be worried about.

01:17:10.220 But it's, like, if it was me, if it was the flip side,

01:17:12.440 it'd be, like – like, there's no way you could –

01:17:15.300 Like, she's, like –

01:17:15.860 She wouldn't even be able to get me back in the car.

01:17:17.540 Like, I'm, like, over 200 pounds.

01:17:19.240 Like, if I was, like, I'm not going somewhere, it's not happening.

01:17:21.720 Well, by the way, you marry guys.

01:17:23.040 You've also – well, you've had your wives hit you, right?

01:17:25.680 100%.

01:17:26.040 Like, they've actually just –

01:17:27.060 Like, I'm so mad enough to really fucking like you.

01:17:29.440 Hey, man, I think you may need to –

01:17:30.680 She's tried to before.

01:17:32.380 Maybe we should take this for after.

01:17:35.340 You might need a few numbers, Cole.

01:17:37.360 I don't know.

01:17:38.380 I think –

01:17:38.620 She's told about it.

01:17:39.360 She's tried to hit me multiple times, or –

01:17:41.420 And there she has.

01:17:42.300 But it's, like, it's nothing.

01:17:43.720 Yeah, it's a joke.

01:17:45.320 Yeah, it's, like, she's, like, punching the chest,

01:17:47.460 and you're, like, what was that?

01:17:48.480 Like, I didn't even –

01:17:49.480 I'm not even –

01:17:50.260 I've never even been trained,

01:17:51.780 and this is, like, a little like a pillow.

01:17:53.600 Yeah, I've had to throw a punch before.

01:17:55.520 I literally went, like, get out of here.

01:17:58.740 It was, like, slow motion.

01:18:00.060 You just went, like, whoa.

01:18:01.000 Just calm down.

01:18:04.200 Calm down, you silly lady.

01:18:06.820 You silly goose.

01:18:07.900 It's, like, whoa, you almost got me there.

01:18:10.480 I have to be, like, good job.

01:18:12.320 Oh, you got me.

01:18:13.520 I get, like –

01:18:14.520 My wife has never punched me,

01:18:16.800 but she said that she thought about it.

01:18:18.980 She says, I think about it often,

01:18:20.760 what it would feel like to punch you in the face.

01:18:22.960 I was, like, well, then be about it, bitch.

01:18:24.340 Your wife and I share that in common, Tom.

01:18:28.120 But the thing is, like, it's more emotional than physical for us.

01:18:31.320 Like, it's, like, if your wife goes to, like –

01:18:32.940 or tries to punch you or does,

01:18:34.700 it's, like, it doesn't hurt at all physically.

01:18:37.260 It's just more of, like, the emotional, like, oh, I really –

01:18:39.360 Why are you being mean?

01:18:40.800 Yeah, it's, like, why are you doing this?

01:18:42.740 I don't hate you.

01:18:43.500 Why are you trying to hit me?

01:18:44.420 Like, you're trying to logic with them.

01:18:45.860 Like, do you think this is right?

01:18:47.100 Do you think you're doing the right thing here by hitting me?

01:18:49.600 It's, like, it doesn't hurt.

01:18:49.940 The non-aggression principle clearly states.

01:18:54.400 You do realize I could rip your limbs off

01:18:56.440 and beat you to death right now, right?

01:18:57.520 Yeah, even if a chick pulled a gun on me,

01:18:58.980 I'd be, like, that's cute.

01:19:00.000 That's why I respect Greg Hardy.

01:19:03.500 His ex-girlfriend that he got, like, thrown off –

01:19:05.660 thrown out of the NFL.

01:19:06.280 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:19:06.880 He took that bitch, picked her up,

01:19:08.340 and threw her onto a pile of guns.

01:19:11.500 Yeah, he's, like, a gun.

01:19:12.080 Onto a pile of guns.

01:19:13.780 Yeah, he's, like, I did you.

01:19:15.220 The NAP does account for escalation of force.

01:19:18.020 So when you hit me, I can kill you.

01:19:20.500 Like, that's fine.

01:19:21.260 That's totally justified.

01:19:23.280 I'm not doing it.

01:19:24.200 I might hit you back a little bit, you know.

01:19:26.300 It's just enough to, you know,

01:19:27.360 give you a little – a nice shiner

01:19:29.220 when you go to work the next day.

01:19:31.260 And you have to explain that it was –

01:19:32.220 Still let him know to respect, you know?

01:19:33.080 Yeah.

01:19:33.960 But you have to explain that it was your fault.

01:19:35.960 You did this.

01:19:37.220 No, you have to explain that you walked into a door or something.

01:19:39.260 Well, I understand how, like, the entire 50s marriage, like,

01:19:42.380 thing, you know, it's all making sense in my brain now.

01:19:44.460 Yeah, it was awesome.

01:19:45.520 Yeah.

01:19:45.700 It's like, beating him up because it was their fault.

01:19:48.640 Like, this is totally true.

01:19:50.060 That's why I love Ralph Cramden, man, from The Honeymooners.

01:19:53.200 You just get to be this big, like, drunk dude

01:19:55.200 who just beats his wife.

01:19:56.720 It's the way it is, man.

01:19:59.520 All right.

01:20:04.320 God, you're going to be off the show soon.

01:20:07.340 It's going to be –

01:20:07.620 To the moon!

01:20:09.020 Just kidding.

01:20:09.720 Just kidding.

01:20:11.020 We don't know how to do anything,

01:20:12.280 so you've secured your place.

01:20:16.200 You're literally, like, you're too important to fire.

01:20:20.320 Like, it's like –

01:20:21.180 That's how I do it.

01:20:23.400 You're not a great employee,

01:20:25.240 but you do something that nobody else can do.

01:20:27.180 So it's just like, well, we've got to keep him around.

01:20:29.760 Yeah.

01:20:30.100 Like, this is a guy we know that we can send on fucking hours of research

01:20:34.060 on gay porn, and he'll do it.

01:20:36.140 He's like that one employee in the office that, like,

01:20:38.060 keeps stealing the chips, and everybody knows it.

01:20:39.840 But, like, well, he's good at the paperwork,

01:20:41.440 so let him steal chips and talk to whatever.

01:20:43.980 It's like he's good at the stocks.

01:20:45.020 He knows how to use, like, the accounting program,

01:20:48.660 the accounting software.

01:20:49.100 He's really good at Excel.

01:20:50.180 He's the only one, so I can't really –

01:20:52.140 we can't really get rid of him.

01:20:54.060 I'm telling you, though, we get Toad pussy,

01:20:56.240 he's going to turn into the funniest one of us

01:20:58.020 once he's just, like, got that little, like,

01:21:00.240 piece of the puzzle's clicked in, you know?

01:21:01.840 I think I can wingman Toad.

01:21:03.180 Yeah.

01:21:03.880 I think we can all wingman Toad.

01:21:05.320 This is very easy.

01:21:06.220 I mean, I can buy a woman, so –

01:21:07.980 No, no, no.

01:21:08.560 I can just fuck Toad instead.

01:21:11.860 There you go.

01:21:12.340 Well, that's already happened.

01:21:13.560 Yeah, it's true.

01:21:13.980 Instead of wasting an afternoon trying to schmooze up bitches

01:21:16.740 at some seedy club, I could just –

01:21:18.980 here's $200.

01:21:20.660 Yeah, I mean, that works.

01:21:22.720 I mean, typicality, sure, it works.

01:21:24.520 $200 or $200 worth of drinks and drugs.

01:21:28.660 Well, $200, that's like a Clint-level hooker there, man.

01:21:33.520 That's not doing too bad.

01:21:35.080 It'll probably take –

01:21:36.120 you say that, but Clint is also on a –

01:21:38.540 carnival cruise right now.

01:21:40.260 Yeah, dude, they're fun.

01:21:41.180 Oh, cool.

01:21:41.940 Clint's white trash?

01:21:42.840 Carnival?

01:21:43.200 Yeah.

01:21:44.180 I mean, granted, I haven't been on any of the other ones,

01:21:46.680 but my opinion is probably carnival is the way to go.

01:21:49.400 From the people –

01:21:50.000 I've been on a bunch of cruises where you talk to people,

01:21:51.960 and, like, the other ones is just where the old people go.

01:21:54.300 So if you want to –

01:21:55.220 Apparently, Royal Caribbean is, like –

01:21:57.080 if you want, like, not super expensive,

01:22:00.640 but also not white trash,

01:22:02.680 Royal Caribbean is, like, the perfect –

01:22:04.280 Cruises don't appeal to me.

01:22:05.960 It just don't.

01:22:07.140 All right, wait.

01:22:07.740 It just looks sad.

01:22:09.460 It is sad.

01:22:11.020 I will say I don't like –

01:22:12.900 for me, I like my time on the boat.

01:22:15.740 I don't give a shit about –

01:22:16.880 because my wife would always be like,

01:22:17.960 well, we're going to Bahamas.

01:22:18.920 We're going here.

01:22:19.380 We're going that.

01:22:19.760 And it's, like, it's always just a tourist trap

01:22:21.860 right at the beginning.

01:22:22.600 And then, yeah, it's kind of cool

01:22:23.920 if you go in the local area outside a little tourist trap.

01:22:26.680 But it's, like, it's not –

01:22:28.940 I mean, once you've been there, you've been there.

01:22:30.820 And for me, it's just, like, I just like going there,

01:22:33.120 chilling for a week, drinking, you know, I don't know,

01:22:36.140 casually going to get food whenever I want.

01:22:38.780 Like, I don't know.

01:22:39.520 I don't go on a vacation with women.

01:22:40.720 They always seem to have an agenda.

01:22:41.880 For me, I'm just, like, I just want to get drunk and stoned and chill.

01:22:45.240 Like, so –

01:22:45.760 See, but couldn't you do that with just an all-inclusive resort?

01:22:48.780 Yeah, I don't know.

01:22:49.880 I mean, I –

01:22:50.760 That's what I go to.

01:22:51.560 For me, it's, like, my wife likes it, too.

01:22:54.480 So, like, that's not my ideal vacation, but I like it.

01:22:57.620 It's fun.

01:22:58.220 Their agenda is to spend your money.

01:23:01.620 Well, yeah, I love going down to Mexico,

01:23:03.400 raining a bunch of single-dollar bells on fucking poor brown slaves,

01:23:06.360 and I feel like a golden god.

01:23:07.740 That's how I do my vacation.

01:23:09.080 And you get to see a woman fuck a donkey.

01:23:11.780 It is amazing.

01:23:12.780 Yeah, I mean, you can do that anywhere.

01:23:14.560 You can do that in New Hampshire, too.

01:23:16.740 Yeah, you can do that anywhere, I think.

01:23:17.740 Wait, really?

01:23:18.580 Yeah.

01:23:21.380 I got to be –

01:23:23.660 Reed, you convinced me for a half a second, like, can't you?

01:23:27.320 Yeah, yeah, my friend is pretty cool, actually.

01:23:29.440 I was convinced –

01:23:29.940 Yes, but the donkey is Reed, and the woman is Justin O'Connell.

01:23:36.980 I was convinced, but I'm apparently too gullible,

01:23:39.980 and I believe all, like, evil right-wingers.

01:23:44.220 Dude.

01:23:46.440 Oh, my God.

01:23:47.400 I'm trying to get that image out of my head now.

01:23:49.340 All right, Top, you've been itching to talk about coffee enemas for a while,

01:23:53.000 and I think we're getting to the end of this episode.

01:23:54.500 So I don't understand your obsession, but I'll let you guys in.

01:23:57.520 Wait, wait, wait.

01:23:57.900 Before he does that, I just –

01:23:59.540 Yeah.

01:23:59.860 Some people want me fired for something someone else said in a group chat or something that they screenshotted.

01:24:06.480 Fired from what?

01:24:06.760 From what region?

01:24:07.100 I don't know, from the LP New Hampshire for something LP National said

01:24:11.280 and something somebody thought about it in my group chat.

01:24:13.700 Oh, real quick.

01:24:14.720 I just wanted to say I'm –

01:24:17.520 I don't know.

01:24:18.740 I don't know what I have to say.

01:24:19.640 Nothing, but it's just kind of late.

01:24:21.220 Fuck you.

01:24:22.760 That LP National –

01:24:23.760 Yeah, like, that LP National tweet was awesome.

01:24:26.020 I will say that.

01:24:26.360 This did give me a good idea,

01:24:28.300 because I saw that there were multiple people clipping, what, your telegram,

01:24:31.860 and, like, taking shit out of context and trying to, like –

01:24:34.280 or in context, who cares?

01:24:35.480 Also, who fucking liked that shit?

01:24:37.240 Gay.

01:24:37.780 Yeah, you should purge.

01:24:38.820 But either way –

01:24:40.160 Well, no, it's a public group chat.

01:24:42.060 It's not even, like, Twitter where you have to let them in.

01:24:44.720 It's just if you have a link, you can join, and anyone can throw anything in there.

01:24:47.440 Right, well, now there's going to be a screenshot of me saying what's up with the kikes, so –

01:24:50.800 My point is –

01:24:51.540 Well, then you said that, but then you said gay with an H.

01:24:54.800 I was like, dude, your censorship is interesting.

01:25:00.920 That was more just a stylistic thing.

01:25:04.100 Ah, yeah.

01:25:05.220 Okay.

01:25:05.800 I'll just make a gay version of the game.

01:25:06.500 What were you saying, Jose?

01:25:07.420 Oh, I think everyone should join your telegram and intentionally put incredibly offensive –

01:25:13.420 and, like, make up rumors and stuff, too.

01:25:15.340 Like, we should start, like, rumors about, like, Josh Smith or some shit,

01:25:18.200 because I know –

01:25:18.480 Yeah, I'll say wild shit.

01:25:20.120 Like, say crazy shit, like I saw him sucking a dick in Lexington or something.

01:25:24.420 And, like, just hope they take the bait.

01:25:26.900 Like, how crazy would that be if it's, like, they start taking the bait of, like, wild shit?

01:25:30.240 Yeah, if it's an awesome –

01:25:31.100 Well, we proved today that lots of people take the bait.

01:25:34.240 They even, like –

01:25:35.420 Dude, did you guys already –

01:25:36.600 Did you guys already talk about that?

01:25:38.400 No, but it's just a troll.

01:25:39.920 Like, it wasn't even bait.

01:25:40.600 Oh, my God.

01:25:41.320 Like, it was just so easy to see that –

01:25:43.600 As long as you know that one of those –

01:25:45.840 or, like, that any of those people are Jewish,

01:25:47.860 it's so easy to understand who they are.

01:25:50.460 God, that was so fucking retarded.

01:25:52.860 I couldn't believe it.

01:25:54.500 I mean, it's a low bar, but Jesus Christ,

01:25:57.320 they, like, dug a hole under the bar when it was on the ground.

01:26:00.380 It's just incredible.

01:26:01.380 All right, now, coffee enemas.

01:26:04.860 Real important shit.

01:26:06.380 Go.

01:26:07.260 All right, so as you guys know, my wife has been sick.

01:26:12.180 So we've been, like, looking at different ways to, like, do healthy stuff.

01:26:17.560 With herpes, right?

01:26:18.760 That was – this is post-herpes.

01:26:21.040 Ah.

01:26:21.940 One of the things that we looked at to get healthy is, like, a detox.

01:26:28.160 And we looked into coffee enemas, and we're going to start doing them.

01:26:34.400 So we bought a French press machine.

01:26:36.420 And basically, you just, like, cook the coffee, cool it down, and then –

01:26:40.660 Press it in your ass.

01:26:42.280 No, no, no.

01:26:43.020 The coffee is French press.

01:26:44.580 Then you use, like, an IV drip sort of thing in your butthole,

01:26:47.620 and it drips into your butthole.

01:26:49.080 It's supposed to stay in there for 15 minutes.

01:26:50.400 Oh, it's only a drip?

01:26:51.320 I thought you, like, shoot that out there.

01:26:52.980 Let them tell a story.

01:26:53.760 Let them tell a story.

01:26:54.300 No, no, it's not a story.

01:26:55.700 I'm just – this is more of an infographic.

01:26:58.060 So if anyone's interested, you come over, and we can do it together.

01:27:00.940 You're a clean asshole.

01:27:03.360 Yeah, it'll detox you, but it'll also give you the benefits of caffeine,

01:27:07.180 but, like, way better because it's going in through your anus.

01:27:09.860 So all that –

01:27:10.360 Oh, not shocking it, yeah.

01:27:11.800 Dude talks in his house.

01:27:12.800 He's like, honey, it smells like fresh coffee in here.

01:27:14.440 He's like, I just took a shit.

01:27:18.140 The whole house smells like coffee.

01:27:19.780 Imagine getting a caffeine high from eating ass.

01:27:23.980 Me and Jose's house is both wet but for different reasons.

01:27:29.320 What a coffee – because I always drink coffee in the morning,

01:27:32.700 and then my shits afterwards are immediate.

01:27:34.240 I can't imagine when you actually put it directly in your ass.

01:27:37.080 It doesn't even go through your colon or –

01:27:38.620 Yeah, it's just up and then right back.

01:27:41.360 I do want to point out, I found it really funny.

01:27:44.980 Like, when you said French press, my mind immediately went to,

01:27:48.260 I know there's totally a joke there.

01:27:50.560 French press.

01:27:51.460 Like, I just know the elements of a good joke are in there,

01:27:54.080 and I was, like, looking for maybe you say something to add something to it,

01:27:56.660 and then just close and goes, French press in your ass.

01:28:00.540 Because I know he had the same thought process, but he's like, fuck it, I'm going for it.

01:28:05.160 Yeah, he juggernauted that through.

01:28:06.960 Yeah, French press in your ass.

01:28:09.820 That's, like, my style, so I enjoyed it.

01:28:11.880 I laughed.

01:28:12.800 Because, Jose, I was with you.

01:28:13.640 I was trying to think of a clever French press joke, too, and I couldn't think of one.

01:28:16.160 And then, yeah, he just bulldozed it right in there.

01:28:20.400 I wish we had Justin on, because the thing is, when you're putting stuff in your ass,

01:28:23.660 you don't want to, like, just shoot it up there,

01:28:25.520 because then it'll get messy and squirt out.

01:28:26.980 You get to breathe right or something.

01:28:28.300 That's his breathing techniques.

01:28:32.300 That's what he's doing.

01:28:35.240 Wait, is it still hot?

01:28:38.200 I thought Justin O'Donnell would just join the stream for a second.

01:28:44.680 I'm sorry.

01:28:45.680 I actually, like, don't get me wrong, he annoys me sometimes,

01:28:49.800 but he's not that bad, but he really needs to learn to fucking mute when he's not talking.

01:28:54.520 He's, like, a dying pug.

01:28:58.300 Top, I do want to know, is it still hot?

01:29:01.260 Like, is it straight out of the French press?

01:29:03.280 No, it's burning.

01:29:06.180 Oh, yeah!

01:29:09.400 It's cold brew, actually.

01:29:10.960 It's smoother.

01:29:12.740 It cleans, it, like, since it's so hot, it burns out the extra layer,

01:29:17.100 you know, kind of exfoliating your ass.

01:29:18.780 Yeah.

01:29:20.280 Do you follow it with coffee creamer and sugar?

01:29:25.140 He just does it black.

01:29:26.620 Oh, so, do you, like, do you use, like, good coffee,

01:29:31.780 or are you just, like, go buy some Folgers,

01:29:33.720 and I'm, like, I'm just going to use this, and fucking,

01:29:35.820 or are you just, like, I got to buy organic, uh, fucking, uh,

01:29:39.480 single origin coffee to put up my ass?

01:29:45.560 Well, my wife is doing, like, very, uh, organic stuff,

01:29:49.240 so, like, gluten, she'll probably have some gluten-free shit,

01:29:51.380 so I have no idea about coffee.

01:29:53.000 I don't even really drink it anymore.

01:29:54.000 I have also gotten into the organic, like, gluten, not gluten-free as much,

01:29:58.120 I don't really care about gluten,

01:29:59.260 but, like, organic, non, like, uh, non-GMO shit.

01:30:04.000 Like, I've really gotten into that.

01:30:05.760 Hardcore.

01:30:07.120 Hey, I mean, like, I feel like, I mean, yeah.

01:30:09.820 I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't trust fucking Bill Gates and Monte Santo

01:30:14.700 and all those other fucking big-ass corporations.

01:30:17.740 I trust Ma and Pa from, like, I actually was talking to a guy about raw milk the other day.

01:30:22.120 I was like, I really want some raw milk.

01:30:23.740 I would love to drink that.

01:30:25.260 I thought I'm going to get some cow soon, yeah.

01:30:26.880 You know what?

01:30:27.420 This guy brings up a good point.

01:30:28.460 I like Justin being one of the few people willing to be an asshole

01:30:30.600 in gatekeep and cap community.

01:30:32.060 I feel like Justin has the same effect in, like, gatekeeping

01:30:36.540 as, like, Alex Jones has in, like, the conspiracy community.

01:30:41.020 Like, I support it in some sense because I'm like, yeah, I actually, right.

01:30:44.780 But he usually has pretty dumb critiques of the people he's gatekeeping

01:30:48.120 and then, like, and he's retarded about it usually.

01:30:52.040 So it's like, like, I actually agree, sort of, like, the gatekeeping aspect.

01:30:56.820 I do like that he has the balls to say shit.

01:30:58.840 Dude, it's so funny.

01:30:59.580 Hold on, hold on, hold on.

01:31:00.940 And the guy doesn't even have a house.

01:31:02.940 How can he gatekeepers, but he doesn't even have property?

01:31:05.660 We're shooting gatekeepers, bitch.

01:31:08.220 This is the thing about Justin.

01:31:10.040 He's usually right.

01:31:11.020 It's like he shuts the door on his cardboard.

01:31:12.820 I mean, it just moves the last.

01:31:13.320 He's usually right at the beginning.

01:31:15.680 Like, whatever sets it off, he's usually right about initially.

01:31:18.900 And then he ignores off ramps and just goes crashing down a hill

01:31:23.100 at, like, 150 miles per hour.

01:31:24.900 It's like, dude, dude, dude, fuck.

01:31:26.280 And he gets so caught up in his perver that he's not making any sense.

01:31:27.700 Oh, my God, yeah.

01:31:28.340 So then he doesn't care about the high ground at all, which he every time

01:31:33.880 we're like, hey, dude, like, chill out.

01:31:35.380 You lost the high ground.

01:31:36.200 He's like, it was never about the high ground.

01:31:38.400 It's like, okay.

01:31:39.700 I learned from Darth Vader's mistakes, Justin.

01:31:42.220 And usually Justin will be on the high ground at the beginning.

01:31:44.760 Like, someone will place him on the top of the hill, you know, in an argument.

01:31:48.400 And it's like, okay, you're right.

01:31:49.660 And then he just, like, destroys the hill and, like, goes barreling down the hill

01:31:54.220 and crashes into the canyon wall.

01:31:56.260 That's just kind of how he goes.

01:31:57.760 Here's my favorite Justin tweet.

01:31:59.720 My favorite one ever.

01:32:00.640 And I never brought it up.

01:32:02.260 But there was one tweet where he posted Google Maps, and it was just, like,

01:32:05.560 a line of red from wherever he was to his favorite, like, donut shop or something like that.

01:32:11.380 And then he was complaining that there's so many people in New Hampshire while at the same time

01:32:18.040 telling everybody to move to New Hampshire.

01:32:21.640 But then he can't get to his donut shop.

01:32:24.620 And I literally cried.

01:32:26.140 Like, I was laughing so hard.

01:32:27.600 I forgot to even bring it up to you guys.

01:32:29.100 I remember seeing that because I just remember, like, what a weird tweet.

01:32:33.660 I can't believe it'll take me 15 minutes to get here.

01:32:37.200 By the way, you guys got to go watch the latest Four Horsemen.

01:32:43.940 It was great.

01:32:45.020 Just go.

01:32:45.360 I'm not going to give anything away.

01:32:46.640 Just go watch it.

01:32:47.360 The last half hour was just hard to watch.

01:32:50.400 I'll do it while I'm blowing up my ass.

01:32:52.660 But, like, in a way, sort of, you're like, whoa.

01:32:56.480 Yeah, dude, I'm glad it happened.

01:32:57.920 It was, like, interesting, the last half hour of that episode.

01:33:01.080 But everyone go check it out.

01:33:02.160 I'm not going to tell you what happens, but just go watch it.

01:33:04.760 It's a must watch for sure.

01:33:06.240 But go watch the Legion of Skanks first because that's fun.

01:33:09.100 Oh, my God, yeah.

01:33:09.960 I have to watch it.

01:33:10.840 I mean, it's not probably yet.

01:33:11.840 Adam, go watch it right after this, please.

01:33:14.100 I will.

01:33:14.680 I will.

01:33:15.120 Actually, go watch the full Legion of Skanks.

01:33:17.080 It won't be out until Friday.

01:33:18.320 I know that's how they usually release.

01:33:19.520 Yeah.

01:33:19.740 But right now, the clip of, like, the parts, you know, that actually matter, I guess,

01:33:24.620 is out on YouTube on their channel.

01:33:26.360 Yeah, they did a good job with the clips.

01:33:27.660 They didn't miss any content.

01:33:28.780 But before you watch all that shit, watch last week's Tower Power Hour.

01:33:31.520 Yeah, I was just about to say that.

01:33:33.020 Got a promo, Tower Power Hour, episode 96.

01:33:35.440 Hey, I think episode 100, because the one thing I brought up, we talked about moments.

01:33:39.620 Because, like, in that show, they had moments.

01:33:40.960 We have moments, but I'm so retarded, I can't remember.

01:33:43.260 I know we've had multiple.

01:33:44.540 So, I think episode 100, we should, like, I don't know if the fans should help or what.

01:33:48.860 We should figure out moments.

01:33:50.020 Toad scour through every episode.

01:33:52.300 I mean, I know there were people out there who'd be like, oh, yeah, I remember that thing.

01:33:55.160 I'm too busy watching training porn, man.

01:33:57.660 Yeah, suggest us.

01:33:58.620 If you're on Twitter, follow the account and fucking say, hey, this moment.

01:34:02.940 It was the first episode, and I made Clint laugh really hard, and that's the one I just wanted to.

01:34:07.080 Like, your nigger joke is probably one of the best jokes.

01:34:09.940 And it's, you know, like, that's actually a great, that would be an amazing joke for, like, stand-up, too.

01:34:14.760 Like, in a defensive.

01:34:16.040 No, no, no, no, no.

01:34:17.400 No matter, listen, no matter how it goes, you win.

01:34:20.880 Because if they get upset, you can be like, hey, just prove my point, you dumb bitch.

01:34:26.060 No, listen, they actually made this point.

01:34:28.620 It was, I want to say it was on Legion's Gangs, or it was on, I watch a bunch of different comedy podcasts.

01:34:34.960 But one of them, and they were talking about how, like, how actually saying, you know, it was Legion's Gangs.

01:34:41.720 It was the one on, from Monday, I think it was, or Tuesday, or whatever it was.

01:34:45.840 Not the one that they just recorded.

01:34:47.600 It was whatever.

01:34:48.500 Get to the fucking point.

01:34:49.540 Jesus, Cole, fucking are you a woman?

01:34:51.340 Tell the fucking story.

01:34:52.680 You see, I was like, middle of that.

01:34:53.960 They basically said, because they were talking about how, it was the woman that killed, the OnlyFans girl that killed her boyfriend.

01:35:01.780 And because she said the N-word.

01:35:03.260 And they were talking about how it was worse that she said the N-word than she actually killed her boyfriend, who is black.

01:35:08.920 And I was literally saying, and that's literally my whole point, was that was that.

01:35:12.740 And they made it a year later.

01:35:14.300 So I just felt good about that.

01:35:15.320 Yeah, coincidentally, he died of being called the N-word.

01:35:18.660 Tell the joke, Cole, because I know maybe some fans are new, we're reminiscing on moments, and I don't know if Adam knows either.

01:35:27.200 Tell the nigger joke.

01:35:28.760 Well, I think I may have, I may actually, when I first said it, it was actually with Ryan Dawson, which was really funny.

01:35:34.680 I think it was our first episode with Ryan Dawson.

01:35:36.220 And the joke was that saying nigger is worse than killing niggers, was the whole point, was because like you, they kill, we kill hundreds of thousands of black people in Africa every year or whatever.

01:35:50.640 They're always killing, but they don't care about that.

01:35:53.180 But if you say the N-word one time, they will destroy your life.

01:35:56.560 Yeah, for sure.

01:35:57.720 Yeah.

01:35:58.100 So it was, I just thought that was really, I mean, and I said this to Ryan Dawson.

01:36:01.420 Yeah, that'd be hard on standup.

01:36:02.760 But yeah, no, it'd be a hard standup.

01:36:03.840 Now, I'm going to say this, and you have to be.

01:36:08.760 I'll try it Friday night when I have my show.

01:36:11.180 I'm going to see my crowd more open to offensive comedy.

01:36:14.500 Yeah, yeah, you'd be like, all right, y'all seem pretty cool.

01:36:16.520 All right, I got one for y'all.

01:36:17.580 I think in a crowd is more good with offensive comedy, or even a middle ground, because my point is the beauty of that one is if they get upset, you can win them back over with, oh, you're just making my point, huh?

01:36:28.400 This is the perfect joke for, oh, what was, Lewis has that thing where it's the, it's a common thing where you start off with your worst, your, like, most offensive joke.

01:36:39.900 Yeah.

01:36:40.280 Like, you're literally the most offensive you can, and you have to work your way, you have to earn the audience back.

01:36:44.540 Yeah, there's two, there's two, there's two trains of thought, that's one, there's also open with your best joke, even if it's not offensive, just whatever your best joke is, and then dig out of that, like, you know, because then it's like, oh, that's the best I got.

01:36:57.080 Now, let's see if you guys still like me after I tell.

01:36:59.200 Oh, okay, so it's not like where they usually, like, either put their best joke, like, either at the end or kind of, like, close to the end.

01:37:06.360 Have you, have you tried just being funny all the way through?

01:37:09.860 No, like, too hard, I can't do all those minutes.

01:37:12.720 So, I got, I got, I got to do the one up front in a minute.

01:37:14.900 I think the trick for Cole's joke is you'd have to, like, lead, like, like, like, before make some sort of, like, joke about, like, killing people over in, like, after.

01:37:23.580 Oh, yeah, yeah, you would have to start it with, like, all the, like.

01:37:26.600 And you have to get their laugh there, that way, when they get offended by that joke.

01:37:30.900 That is a punchline.

01:37:32.220 That is, like, bitch, you just laughed at that.

01:37:33.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is definitely the punchline.

01:37:36.560 It's just, I would have to make up the joke from the beforehand.

01:37:39.960 Yeah.

01:37:40.140 Like, it'd be very hard.

01:37:41.320 Honestly, this would be a great just kill Tony joke.

01:37:44.500 Because you only have a minute.

01:37:45.780 And you can, and for, like, for 45 seconds, you could give context.

01:37:51.620 And then the last 15 seconds.

01:37:53.060 That would be, that would be the joke more of a statement.

01:37:55.720 You just made a statement.

01:37:56.500 Yeah, I just made a statement.

01:37:59.060 The statement is the punchline.

01:38:00.500 The joke is what happens beforehand.

01:38:02.500 Like, you have to lead up to it.

01:38:04.120 I say, like, the move is to do, like, a, you know, 30 to 45 seconds of, like, very serious.

01:38:08.740 Like, almost like they're, like, this is a comedy, but you're, like, let me tell you about what's going on in Somalia.

01:38:13.060 Like, very seriously.

01:38:14.280 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:38:14.900 And then, and then be, like, and now I've come to the conclusion.

01:38:17.940 Like, and then you hit him with the joke.

01:38:19.520 You know what I mean?

01:38:20.000 And then that way they'd be, like, what?

01:38:21.620 Like, you'd have to provide another example of someone who said the N-word somewhere.

01:38:25.440 And they've got, like, they've got their whole life destroyed.

01:38:27.960 And they'd be, like, and that's how I came to the conclusion that it's worse than Statinger than it's a killer.

01:38:32.780 Honestly, Dave Smith, if you want to buy this joke, I will sell it to you for $8.

01:38:37.040 Okay, again, not a joke.

01:38:38.120 It's just Statinger's.

01:38:39.300 I will sell you the premise of this joke for $8.

01:38:43.440 And then I will get verified.

01:38:45.380 And then that's, this is the trade-off.

01:38:47.360 I'm telling you, there's gold in that.

01:38:48.720 Like, we just need to get a good minute for Cole and just, like, have him go around, you know, you do that.

01:38:54.720 With one minute.

01:38:56.160 It turns out Cole's joke is just like $2.

01:38:58.440 I have a really killer minute.

01:39:00.080 The saying, N-word $2.

01:39:03.160 That's right.

01:39:04.100 That's all you do.

01:39:05.460 I already have the name of my tour already.

01:39:08.220 It's N-word Thoughts.

01:39:10.020 Ah, yes.

01:39:11.020 Exactly.

01:39:12.420 I like it.

01:39:13.520 I like it.

01:39:14.680 Is that not a great, just, you guys spell thoughts, T-H-O-T-S.

01:39:17.740 Anyway, you can catch Adam on the road on his new show, N-word Thoughts.

01:39:21.760 He's going to be in Pennsylvania and Puerto Rico.

01:39:23.900 That's right.

01:39:24.480 IP doesn't exist, baby.

01:39:26.280 Bro, it shouldn't be called the Danny Brown Show.

01:39:28.400 It should definitely be called N-word Thoughts.

01:39:30.640 Dude, with T-H-O-T-S and your album cover is like a bunch of, like, big booty black bitches.

01:39:35.780 Oh, it's so great.

01:39:38.720 You're on something.

01:39:41.780 You're on something for sure.

01:39:43.560 It does remind me of that.

01:39:44.880 I think it was Libertarian Friendship Simulator had a shirt.

01:39:48.980 I think they actually did have a shirt that says, I hate N-words.

01:39:52.560 And that's all the shirt was.

01:39:54.400 It's such a great shirt.

01:39:55.980 Like, no, I hate the words, goddammit.

01:39:58.360 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:59.340 No, like, nincompoop and-

01:40:00.960 Yeah, you'd just be like, no, no, I don't think you understand.

01:40:03.820 I hate the N-word.

01:40:05.180 Like, I just hate all N-words.

01:40:06.440 All of them.

01:40:07.880 All right, guys.

01:40:08.700 We're at hour 40.

01:40:09.500 You guys ready to get the fuck out of here?

01:40:10.600 Yes.

01:40:10.760 Should we also endorse Herschel Walker?

01:40:14.520 No, we already did.

01:40:15.720 I thought we already did.

01:40:16.580 Didn't we?

01:40:17.320 He's Blade.

01:40:18.040 We learned.

01:40:18.660 We learned he's Blade.

01:40:18.980 I would endorse him, but I don't endorse black people.

01:40:22.700 Like, as a concept.

01:40:24.620 Yeah.

01:40:25.040 Yeah, but you'll make an exception for Herschel.

01:40:27.440 Haven't you seen his fucking speeches?

01:40:29.060 No.

01:40:29.900 Still no.

01:40:32.840 All right.

01:40:33.640 You want to give us our-

01:40:34.700 Do plugs, Adam?

01:40:35.980 You're the guest?

01:40:36.640 Oh, shit.

01:40:37.380 Yeah, just Cult of Us, Porcupine, Catch Me on the Road, places.

01:40:41.680 Punchline, January 4th.

01:40:42.840 That's a cool one.

01:40:44.180 John and Peter's in also Pennsylvania.

01:40:46.460 We'll fill that room up.

01:40:47.420 Don't worry about it.

01:40:50.100 Cool.

01:40:50.700 It's a Wednesday, so go on out.

01:40:54.180 They get one person from this crowd.

01:40:56.780 Yeah.

01:40:57.500 Yeah, you're competing with us.

01:40:59.120 The best thing that ever happened with us was when we were in Florida,

01:41:01.800 and that guy knew who we were and didn't know who Dave Smith was.

01:41:05.580 Yeah, that's awesome.

01:41:08.340 He's like, has Dave?

01:41:10.020 Oh, yeah.

01:41:10.420 No, I know who Dave is.

01:41:11.440 He's been on Tower Gang once, right?

01:41:13.320 And we're like, how?

01:41:15.040 That's awesome.

01:41:16.280 Like, holy shit.

01:41:17.220 We actually had a fan that only knew us that came out here and everything.

01:41:21.240 And he only knew who Dave was because he'd been on Tower Gang.

01:41:25.120 The fucking best, dude.

01:41:26.580 It's through our shoe on head episode, man.

01:41:29.320 I'm telling you.

01:41:30.000 Oh, man.

01:41:30.500 We brought over some people.

01:41:31.740 I love that.

01:41:32.200 Yeah, come check out Dave.

01:41:33.440 He's been on Tower Gang before.

01:41:34.900 He's made the big fucking – he's made the big rounds.

01:41:37.780 He's also running for president, but whatever.

01:41:40.100 Not yet.

01:41:41.440 Secondary information.

01:41:42.620 He's dancing around it.

01:41:43.900 Yeah.

01:41:44.240 Well, by the way, Top, do you know his announcement?

01:41:46.060 Because you know other things.

01:41:47.800 Yeah, because Trump's official now.

01:41:49.260 Is Dave going to throw his hat?

01:41:50.620 I know you know where Skank Fest is going to be next year.

01:41:54.140 Oh, my God.

01:41:54.820 He's going to announce at Skank Fest.

01:41:55.880 By the way, I just got to say, I watched that whole Trump speech, and I'm really excited

01:42:01.560 for this whole thing.

01:42:02.440 Like, this whole – you guys know, for months I've been talking about DeSantis versus Trump,

01:42:06.520 and it's shaping up.

01:42:08.980 Perfect.

01:42:09.360 It's going to be great.

01:42:10.020 But I watched that speech, and I was just like, man, this is not the same guy who announced

01:42:14.780 like seven years ago.

01:42:15.940 It's just kind of depressing almost.

01:42:17.760 Unfortunately, yeah.

01:42:18.540 They stole his mojo, baby.

01:42:20.600 They did.

01:42:21.240 Yeah, but it's just – it's – yeah.

01:42:23.220 It's like getting a Donald Trump on a wish.

01:42:25.040 Alex Stein was there, which I thought was really cool.

01:42:27.660 He was actually at – yeah.

01:42:29.480 He was at Mar-a-Lago, yeah.

01:42:30.820 Yeah, he was at the fucking announcement.

01:42:33.560 He was posting pictures.

01:42:34.860 Yeah.

01:42:35.480 I thought that was very crazy.

01:42:37.340 We're like the Adam Nutter of the podcast world.

01:42:40.020 We're just like right there, just rubbing shoulders with the right people, but never.

01:42:46.400 Dude, that's another one of our cats.

01:42:48.540 That's such a great insult.

01:42:49.920 Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

01:42:52.540 Another one of our guests was on TimCast.

01:42:54.480 Fucking Lord –

01:42:56.400 That's so funny.

01:42:58.020 Lord Miles.

01:42:59.260 Lord Miles was on TimCast, and I was like, well, there's another one.

01:43:02.040 We're the fucking kingmakers, man, because they're all on our show first, then they get

01:43:06.000 on TimCast.

01:43:06.040 It's true.

01:43:06.840 I think we've had at least nine people on our show who have been on TimCast now.

01:43:10.740 Yep.

01:43:11.260 Yeah, technically I don't want to be on TimCast.

01:43:13.280 I want you on TimCast, though.

01:43:16.680 I mean, I would go, but I don't really care.

01:43:20.240 Yeah, I wouldn't care.

01:43:20.680 I don't think the invite's coming, so don't worry.

01:43:22.600 Yeah, I'm not worried about you.

01:43:24.180 I'm not worried.

01:43:24.880 At one point, we thought it was coming.

01:43:27.120 Listen, theoretically, if his booker hit me up or if Tim Poole hit me up, I would be

01:43:33.320 like, I go on the show, but the whole gang has to come, and that would be that.

01:43:37.720 I've got nothing to say to you.

01:43:39.640 But Jose, before the show, said if anybody was going to go on Legion of Skanks, he would

01:43:43.860 say, I should go.

01:43:44.900 I think so.

01:43:45.700 I think Clint has the best chance, but I actually think the best show would be you.

01:43:49.840 Like, if we were going to send anyone to Legion of Skanks, they were like, if they say they

01:43:53.800 hit us up, I'm like, hey, send us your best guy.

01:43:57.580 But like, for the angle of actually trying to get someone on, like in a realistic sense,

01:44:02.060 Clint's like the most likely to be able to get on.

01:44:03.600 I would send Cole and Toad because I want to send my best and my worst.

01:44:09.660 It really gives you the full spectrum of what this show is about.

01:44:13.800 So you see how great this could be?

01:44:15.480 And how fucking terrible it could be.

01:44:16.780 What's weird is that we're both on the spectrum of retardation, but yet we're somehow on the

01:44:22.560 opposite sides of the retardation.

01:44:24.120 I should have donated plasma.

01:44:25.720 I will say, Toad, I know what makes fun of you.

01:44:27.940 Instead you had all those seizures.

01:44:29.520 But the episode, I feel like there's like one or two episodes you haven't been here.

01:44:32.580 I hated it.

01:44:33.220 You are a weird essential component to this thing.

01:44:35.760 When he has a kid, this show is over.

01:44:37.880 You're important, yeah.

01:44:39.000 We got like one more episode.

01:44:41.020 You matter, Toad.

01:44:42.560 Next time you have the gun in your mouth and you're just thinking to end it all, don't do it.

01:44:46.820 You matter.

01:44:47.860 Me or Cole?

01:44:48.320 If Elizabeth has the baby on next Wednesday, I will be on the show.

01:44:53.780 I'm not missing the show.

01:44:54.980 I don't care.

01:44:55.520 I think it would be really funny.

01:44:56.760 That's right.

01:44:57.380 You should be on the show while you're in the delivery room.

01:44:59.380 Do it from the hospital.

01:45:00.520 Yeah.

01:45:00.840 Yeah.

01:45:01.660 That would be based.

01:45:02.880 Live streaming.

01:45:04.060 I'll be the reasonable one here, Cole.

01:45:05.920 And if you have to choose between your family or the show, pick the show.

01:45:10.960 We are your family.

01:45:12.820 Yeah.

01:45:12.960 All right.

01:45:13.280 I have the No Way Jose show.

01:45:16.360 You can follow me on Twitter at SenorJose2020.

01:45:19.900 I don't fucking remember.

01:45:21.380 Yeah.

01:45:21.640 But yeah, go follow my show, No Way Jose.

01:45:23.580 Yeah.

01:45:23.980 That's all I really got.

01:45:24.520 I got Toad on tomorrow.

01:45:26.300 Oh, nice.

01:45:27.140 Whoa.

01:45:27.380 Hitting the big time.

01:45:29.140 Toplops.com.

01:45:30.820 I'm more like coasting right now.

01:45:32.020 Just doing shit I find interesting.

01:45:33.360 But go on.

01:45:34.400 Yeah.

01:45:34.540 Toplopsa.com, podcastmerge.com, Toplopsa underscore underscore on Twitter, Toplopsa everywhere else.

01:45:40.440 That's right.

01:45:41.220 Yeah.

01:45:41.720 Naturalist Capitalist.

01:45:42.780 I just had Jason, Jackson Hinkle on today, which was kind of a guest out of nowhere, but

01:45:47.900 he's the MAGA communist guy, which was pretty interesting.

01:45:52.100 He's weirdly handsome.

01:45:53.520 I'll say that.

01:45:54.420 Yeah.

01:45:54.880 MAGA communism.

01:45:55.780 I kept seeing all these hashtags whenever we would do some anti-war post, and it's

01:46:01.640 an interesting concept, and I kind of just was asked.

01:46:05.660 I didn't really debate him a lot.

01:46:07.160 I was just mostly trying to unpack his philosophy and his ideas, but go check that out.

01:46:11.940 I just had Pat McFarlane on right before I came on here.

01:46:14.480 We were denying the Uyghur genocide, so that was a lot of fun, so go check it out.

01:46:19.520 Yep.

01:46:19.960 It's on the Uyghur genocide we're denying, but go on.

01:46:22.420 Read us a fan of the Chinese government, yeah.

01:46:24.300 So at TheFatDave on Twitter, I came back top of convincing.

01:46:28.600 He was like, last Friday, he was like, all right, just do it.

01:46:31.660 He was like, just bring back Fat Dave.

01:46:33.580 Just do it.

01:46:34.480 And I was like, all right, fine, I'll do it.

01:46:35.620 And then I immediately gained over 1,000 followers.

01:46:38.700 And I felt, I didn't know if I should feel good or feel bad, because I didn't make a new

01:46:42.900 account.

01:46:43.700 It's the same account.

01:46:44.520 I should just change.

01:46:45.360 It was the same account I always had.

01:46:48.100 Change LP and H to read Coverdale?

01:46:49.560 Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

01:46:50.940 I should change LP and H to read Coverdale.

01:46:52.540 That would be fun to do for a day, honestly.

01:46:55.620 Although they would probably get a fit.

01:46:57.460 Somebody would get pissed.

01:46:59.340 Of course.

01:46:59.700 Oh, you think?

01:47:01.480 We should just all.

01:47:02.680 It would be such an innocuous, silly troll.

01:47:05.340 You don't even have to put offensive posts.

01:47:07.400 You could just do it for a day.

01:47:08.340 Just act like we're back.

01:47:09.320 Yeah, and just tweet.

01:47:11.840 Do it on April Fools.

01:47:13.420 April Fools.

01:47:14.260 Oh, yeah, we should actually do that.

01:47:15.700 It was so, it was like, because people were like, oh, I'm so glad you're back.

01:47:20.420 And I was like, I fucking never left.

01:47:21.960 Like, I was here the entire time.

01:47:24.060 They were like, I really miss seeing.

01:47:26.000 I was like.

01:47:26.840 You didn't even do the same, like, not username, but just the title.

01:47:31.780 Yeah, the handle is totally different.

01:47:32.860 What we should do is we should all change our accounts to Fat Dave for, like, a day and

01:47:38.240 see if we get, like, a thousand followers.

01:47:40.380 Well, you know what you could do, Cole, to set everyone off, like, to get basically the

01:47:45.300 same at, do Fat.

01:47:48.000 Well, I don't know.

01:47:48.780 He couldn't actually.

01:47:49.440 It was Fat Comic Dave is what I was looking for.

01:47:50.980 Forget it.

01:47:51.400 And I thought about doing it with the zero, but then I was like, oh, that's kind of too

01:47:54.820 weird.

01:47:55.100 So I went with the Fat Dave.

01:47:57.720 Yeah.

01:47:58.720 And hopefully, I mean, it got me, it got me back into, like, because I was already, not a

01:48:02.760 lost interest, but I didn't tweet as much when I, because I was just like, I don't

01:48:06.380 want to get very much interaction, but now I'm getting a lot more interaction.

01:48:10.080 What a dumb, what a dumb.

01:48:11.100 I can't believe the mileage these troll accounts get, like Claire Foster.

01:48:16.120 It's just insane.

01:48:17.380 Oh, well, yeah.

01:48:17.800 This is.

01:48:18.660 Can we talk about how funny.

01:48:19.960 Oh, yeah.

01:48:20.300 It's very good.

01:48:20.960 But I'm just like, I can't believe it's still going.

01:48:23.140 Claire is awesome.

01:48:23.540 Can you just say how funny it is, though, that there was a, basically a up in the air for

01:48:27.800 probably almost over a year now of just a free grab of a thousand followers.

01:48:32.260 If you just rebranded this Fat Dave for like a day or so, and like, you could just, you

01:48:36.260 could just like, not been like anyone whatsoever.

01:48:39.060 Just like, Oh, I'm Fat Dave, bitches.

01:48:41.080 You got a Dave Smith quote tweet out of it, right?

01:48:44.180 Yeah.

01:48:44.460 Yeah.

01:48:44.960 He quote tweeted.

01:48:46.260 Well, and the good thing was, it was almost like a good, almost like I planned it because

01:48:50.820 he followed me just like last week as well.

01:48:53.440 So he followed me and then I changed it.

01:48:55.540 And so to him, he was like, Oh, it's back because I was following him before because he actually

01:49:00.320 thought my account got back and a lot of people did, but it wasn't because they didn't, all

01:49:05.100 they had to do was scroll through my tweets and see that I tweeted last week and the week

01:49:09.920 before, but yeah, it was, it's great.

01:49:13.160 Having actual followers again, being now the, well, the third most followed person on Twitter

01:49:19.040 and tower gang.

01:49:20.060 So you surpassed me and toad.

01:49:22.200 I surpassed both of you and because, and I don't count Reese, so I'm only behind top

01:49:27.140 and I need my, I need my other account back.

01:49:29.620 I'm only responsible for like 10,000 of the followers on LPH anyway.

01:49:34.020 So yeah, that's also a great account.

01:49:36.300 And I, that guy is a troll, but he's also is, I, he's just really funny.

01:49:40.180 If you don't follow him, he's hilarious.

01:49:43.800 Yeah.

01:49:44.340 All right, guys, let's get the fuck out of here.

01:49:45.480 Anyone?

01:49:45.860 Yeah.

01:49:46.300 TPH underscore toad, tower power hour, uh, patreon.com slash tower power hour.

01:49:50.940 I should make a link tree or something.

01:49:52.720 Uh, we have episode 100 coming up quickly and we're probably going to do nothing at all

01:49:56.660 for it.

01:49:57.040 Like it'll be a funny episode though.

01:49:59.740 Let's do it.

01:50:00.840 Yeah.

01:50:01.160 Fuck Jack Christovic.

01:50:02.600 Yeah, that's right.

01:50:03.400 Everyone go plug Luis Gomez.

01:50:05.180 We can get for episode 100.

01:50:06.320 Go do it.

01:50:06.980 Yeah.

01:50:07.580 That would be the best.

01:50:08.700 I think that's what we really want to shoot for is Luis Gomez.

01:50:12.280 And he said he would do it.

01:50:13.320 Luis J Gomez.

01:50:14.600 Luis J Gomez.

01:50:15.180 Sorry.

01:50:15.480 Let's just get some random guy named Luis Gomez.

01:50:18.920 All right, guys, get the fuck out of here.

01:50:20.560 I'm sure.

01:50:20.920 All right.

01:50:21.280 See you, boys.

01:50:22.140 Later.

01:50:22.720 Night.

Tower Gang - November 19, 2022

Ep 97 - Jew Jitsu w⧸ Adam Nutter

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